#oh i remember the word its not mainstream i dont think

[yutadori]

im Genuinely considering going to ax for One Day just to go to the witch hat atelier panel because im crazy but the THING IS . wha is so popular which has me worried that even if i go and wait like idk 3 hours in line it doesnt mean ill be guaranteed a spot ouaghhhh

[intotheelliwoods]

-> -> -> 2AL playlist drop!

Answered all the music related asks under the cut!

Question reference btw!

---

@teainthesnow

4 - a lyric you like

"Triangles are my favorite shape" From Tessellate by Alt-J !! Do I know why? Nah. I just also like triangles :)

11 - a popular song you think is Good, Actually

On Time by The Disco Biscuits !! Its not popular more than it is mainstream? Its one of those songs you swear you have heard everywhere, because its very much played everywhere, but like its actually good! Either its played everywhere or it just gives me loads of nostalgia? Eh whatever, its still good and im bestowing it upon you.

13 - a playlist name without context

"To Enter The Beyond" Past Human City Soundtrack

18 - a song or lyric that reminds you of the asker

Oh this for sure belongs on your AMW playlist!! Gives some absolute Tea vibes!

---

@dandywonderous

5 - ramble about a song

FORGIVENESS BY ALICE GLASS!!!!!!! OUGHOUGHOGH I LOVE THIS SONG WITH ALL MY HEART god something about it just vibrates my insides and tickles my eyes. I dont know how to describe it other than each time I hear this song I feel nothing but pure power and hopelessness at the same time. Drifting along in never ending darkness, and the only thing you have with you are the spirits and memories of those who have passed. The spirits call for freedom. You should listen to them. This song gets real for me alright?

7 - a song for which you like a cover more than the original

Not really a cover moreso than it is a remix!? But im counting it! Silk by Giselle, the original, somber and sweet but just sorta missing something you know? This remix by Favored Nations though? SLAPS. Its so upbeat and I am so here for it!

11 - a popular song you think is Good, Actually

Honestly literally anything by Electric Light Orchestra. Though to be more specific, Evil Woman!! Alright is also a good one, but less popular!

16 - do you sing or play any instruments?

No instruments here! I actually have one really nice/complex song memorized that I can do on the piano but unfortunately thats about it whoops~ As for singing apparently I actually sing good when I try!?

23 - a song you remember liking as a kid

You are going to laugh at this one. Actually. I still like it. But damn was I a weird kid. I once had a solid 150 digits of pi memorized because I would just play this stupid song on loop for like a whole ass hour every now and then???? I think I still have about 50 memorized thanks to this song.. whoopsies

---

@thimbell

5 - ramble about a song

YESSSSS YESSSSS I GET TO RAMBLE ABOUT ANOTHER SONG The World Is Ending by Matt and Kim !!!!!!!!!!!!! good GOD this song is so dear to me. Not because of the song really, but because of what the song means to me? The connections I have too it?????? Longish story short, someone made a killer AMV using it? The AMV using clips from the show Final Space! No clue if you have seen the show but no matter. Final Space is definitely up there as one of my favorite shows, not only because its good but because it actually helped me get closer with my dad, we watched it together! In other words I associate this song with just so much joy. The AMV if you were curious btw!

14 - an unpopular music opinion

Glass Animals is overrated <3 <3 Dont get me wrong I love their music! It just gets so tiresome hearing them everywhere!??? Probably just a me problem though

24 - a song people often misinterpret

I dont think I have much an answer for this one, apologies! Mostly because its not too often I pay attention to lyrics, and even then I think its cool that everyone has their own interpretations of someones song!

---

@wraenata

17 - a song that has made you cry

... honestly? Any song in a tv show that is played during a sad scene! A REALLY sad scene... one that comes to mind is Enter One by Sol Seppy (would recommend skipping to about 2:30), because it is played in the death scene of one of my all time favorite characters... alright im going to weep about that death scene more now because listening to this again is NOT helping pfft... oughh honestly now im tempted to add it to the 2AL playlist... maybe.

24 - a song people often misinterpret

Answered above!

30 - a song that makes you nostalgic

Divinity by Porter Robinson, listen this used to be my favorite song for the longest time... and it might even still be my favorite song?? Either way, I DARE not listen to it anymore for the sake of I fear for the day where this absolutely nostalgic gem gets tiresome for me...

---

@unfortunate-songbird

17 - a song that has made you cry

Answered this one above! Though for a less serious answer, any of the finale songs in Centaurworld... oops.

---

1 - which artist(s) have you listened to the most lately?

The Asteroids Galaxy Tour has been a fav in the past month! Heres a good song by them if you would like~

I am going to use this ask as a chance to also say how much I love Hugo Kant!! He makes great stuff to chill too when working! If I could log hours on youtube, my most listened to videos are so just listening to the guy live!

21 - favourite album

Not to pull out my inner cowboy, but Harlequin Dream by Boy & Bear. I fear for the day I get sick of this album its such a trip for me!

28 - rank the songs in an album

THATS IT IM RANKING ALL THE SONGS IN PAGANS IN VEGAS BY METRIC. I love this album.

#1 - Celebrate. This is the song that introduced me to the band and gives me SUCH a blast of nostalgia each listen, and it shows. Best song in the album by far. Its so weird though since I knew this song before I knew about the rest of the album, so when I finally discovered the whole album each time this song comes up its so out of place pfft! Still such a bop though!

#2 - Blind Valentine. This is just one of those songs I love singing too whenever it comes on alright!?????

#3 - Lie Lie Lie. This is the first song in the whole album, and honestly? What a knee slapping way to start an album too god damn!!!!

#4 - Cascades. I am begging you to skip to about 3:15 in this song, its a little on the plain end before that end, but THAT ENDING??????? SLAYS.

#5 - Too Bad, So Sad. ITS SO GRINDY I LOVE IT. I FEEL LIKE A PUNK IN A DESERTED WASTELAND

#6 - For Kicks. The beat is just so unique here!!!!!!???????

#7 - The Face Part |. Just some funky cool down beats at the end of the album that are very enjoyable!

#8 - Fortunes. A decent enough second song in the album, helps sets the tone for whats coming!

#9 - The Shade. Its actually a good song, just nothing special about it you know??

#10 - The Governess. vibes are there, the vibes are sure there

#11 - The Face Part ||. Just more cool off tunes to end the album with

#12 - Other Side. No. Why are you here. your ass does NOT fit with the rest of this god-tier album. goodbye.

---

Edit: @kiaxet Thought I should add you to the masterpost here!!

5 - ramble about a song

Ok. Adventure Time by Yoann Turpin. I am usually not too big on 16 bit video game sort of vibes but this??? Is such a MASSIVE exception. Holy????? THE HEART THE GUY PUT INTO THIS SONG MAN. The beat is just so unique, its impossible to try and guess whats going to happen in the song next, you strait up feel like you are on an ADVENTURE. I am so here for this song, god and its so upbeat I am in LOVE.

By the way, I linked the whole ass album because the whole album overall is so nice to listen to to pump you up when doing dishes or something lmaooooo, the first song in the album is also an amazing trip!!

8 - an artist you think underrated

HUGO KANT!!! God!!! mentioned above as well, I love Hugo Kant with a passion! He makes such good stuff just to chill too, and him live is absolutely incredible!

With the ask above I linked a video from him preforming live, so this time around I bring you two favorite albums of mine!! Far From Home and Out Of Time

I get in SUCH a zone listening to his stuff!

9 - a song you think is underrated

Phleps by C418!!! C418, the producer of the original music behind minecraft, but the guy has so much underrated personal music that is SO underrated! This song in particular, is vastly different from his usually stuff and I love it for that. Definitely underrated for being overshadowed by his work on minecraft and his work that isnt minecraft but sounds like minecraft..

29 - what do you look for in a song or artist?

I always look for something where you can tell it has genuine love and heart put into it! That + something that just sounds truly unique in its own right!

[not-souleaterpost]

ENTP CRONA DUMP

Not going back on my word, just forgot to post a dump of "ENTP Crona" stuff I planed to just post all at once in a year, but after trying to stop doing stuff like that, I just thought I post what I had and be done with it.

, the thing even I don't really find funny, but I think I have to do it to get it out and book end it. A lot of it isn't really funny, some of it may sound a bit edgy or abrasive, but it's just in good fun, still putting it under the "keep reading thing" because of the amount and shittyness of the "content" Enjoy or yeah...sorry

ENTP Crona experiencing a soul rejection, screaming in agony because of not being able to deal with figuring out if "video games are art" or "video games aren't art" is the more contrarian oppinion at the moment

ENTP Crona reading shizophrenia symptoms on google "Wow, he is literally me"

ENTP Crona fleeing into the desert, going down a hole to cry

Ragnarok "Wait, the cow already killed Medusa a year ago, why we doing this bitch shit again?"

ENTP Crona "I posted a deliberately controversial and edgy meme into the group chat again, when they all see it, I wont be able to deal with how angry everyone will be..."

Soul: "You cant just nonstop spam shit on the internet, people will think you don't have a life"

ENTP Crona: "But I kinda don't..."

Soul: "Still writting on every single subject for 10 hours straight must be tiring and exhaustive, take a break"

ENTP Crona: "But I wrote everything in the last 5 minutes

Soul: "Heh, dont like partys either? Guess reading the room can be stressful even for somebody as cool as me sometimes-"

ENTP Crona "No, I can read it just fine, just then choose to say the thing that sets the roof on fire and regret it five seconds later.

ENTP Crona trying to figure out if Maka subscribes to the theory that Holden is a child abuser himself in "The Catcher in the Rye", only if yes, to arguee that not even the creep teacher was one and it is a misreading, and its actually about idk, read it in school so cant even come up with an explantion.

ENTP Crona trying to cheer up a crying Maka, after she got made fun of for liking bad music by Soul

"No, I like Speeding bullet 2 heaven too! Well except the Beavis and Butthead skits, even I am not that contrarian"

ENTP Crona curled up in the corner of the dark dungeon, not able to face the world, cause liking Ringo Star is to mainstream now but changing to hating him is just too painful...

ENTP Crona after everyone gets confronted with their lives just being fiction

"Well actually I prefere the anime ending"

But after mostly everyone agrees

"But, actually the manga works in a certain way afterall-"

ENTP Crona during the anime only scene where Maka and Crona talk about Maka's mom - its the same scene lol, remember those 4th wall breaking snide comments Crona barely managed to not blabber out loud lol

ENTP Crona "Marvel movies were allways bad"

Marie "Oh you aren't dumb and incompetent!"

ENTP Crona "Why did it took me 8 hours to put together the IKEA table?"

Marie "Oh dont be to hard on yourself, screwing in the table legs upside down could happen to anybody!"

Maka confronting Medusa: I'm here to save ENTP Crona and Mary!

Medusa: Nah, they both are still stuck in the maze going in circles

ENTP Crona after a tourist asks for directions in Death City: "I'll be honest, even though I am living here for years now, I myself cant deal finding my home without google maps"

ENTP Crona "I'm the Joker, baby! (Jared Leto version)"

ENTP Crona "-oh so a glorbo, or smol bean, cinamon bun is a charachter like Paulie from the Sopranos!"

ENTP Crona after trying to read "Finnegans Wake" "Damn, thats how high I still have to climb..."

ENTP Crona watching X:RA "Wow, I actually get 90 percent of the wordplay! This show is great!"

MGMT Patty : "Time to pretend..."

*ENTP Crona visualising all the different ways to take out and kill the people around*

Ragnarok "And I thought I was the psychopath! We aren't even eating souls anymore, whats guipi wrong with you?

ENTP "Grocery shopping is boring and I thought about the 3 different storys I'll never write down enough for one hour..."

ENTP Crona "-and that's why the metodology that is used to diagnose diseases by only relying on a checklist of data points that may have many different origin points is flawed

Stein "I am the doctor with 10 years experience, take your antibiotics prescription and get out!"

Stein, litting a cigarete after ENTP Crona goes out after apologising "Damn, the kid may be right, shit..."

ENTP Crona be like "Actually, I think Epstein is still alive"

ENTP Crona "Yeah Myerrs brigs and Horrorscopes are the same... Because they both actually are describing something and aren't completly wrong, if you know you know...

ENTP Crona actually getting a tatoo even though it is a stupid thing to do in general, because thats the only way to remember Maka's birthday. Cause aint nobody remembering more than 4 digits...

ENTP Crona using all experience and time to reflect, to start a dramatic uplifting speech that leads into Maka defeating the Kishin with a punch- Ah wait thats just what happened in the anime again lol

ENTP Crona: "I wore a dress for most of my life, yet that is not as embarassing as riding on an electric scooter"

ENTP Crona "Oh ofcourse I'm to scatterbrained and lazy to actually finish a webcomic, that's why I included an in universe callout by a charachter, so I will stay motivated out of spite and want of being better than those, proving the mean pixels wrong!"

ENTP Crona: -the setting being the aftermath of a nuclear testing site is a brilliant synedoche of our society pre and post world war 2, how the atomic age is nearly unrecognisable, being both so much more advanced that previous incarnations do not even look human in retrospect, while exagerating ourselfs into cartoon versions of ourselfs do to paranoia and stereotypes, shared faster and faster, that we soak up like Sponges, being the perfect worker and consumer in one - in a way thats Rock Bottom, the breakdown of communication, only restored by recognising the humanity of the other, even if they look at us with even more potent disgust than we already do.

Maka: Wait, I thought these iceberg videos were just supposed to list of fun facts and triva about Spongebob

ENTP Crona: What gave you that idea, Maka?

TERF Maka: I STILL hate J K Rowling

EC: "Borat is racist-"

M: "No the joke is that he exposes the prejudices of the common american person-"

EC "against Kazakhstanis"

M: "No no- wait... you are right..."

EC: "If MF Ghost was with the culture, it would have used Phonk instead of Eurobeat"

EC: "Where the fuck is Marioh Judah?"

*EC annoys excalibur into quitting*

EC :"Im like prince, everybody thinks In gay but actually im homophobic-"

EC: "Non-cellular phones actually had their purpose - like if somebody called them, you would either know nobody is home, or the person who answered could either inform you where the one you are calling is if you didnt reach the person or just find them - also the fact it was in the same spot ment nobody lost it and could allways find it when needed and it never ran out of battery, also-"

M: "If you don't like the phonecase I gifted you just say so...

R: "Dude, dont we still use mirrors for comunication"

EC "Think Im constrained by the limitations of canons?"

TRAD Tsubaki "Well they didn't make a sign of the cross in the church, so they kinda deserved being slayn by Ragnarok..."

M "Hey you are looking down, everything ok?

EC "Thanks for caring, but the thing is, to explain it all, all the connections and reasons and evidence would make me just look more weird and whiny, and this all, including the fact that I cant even say why I cant say without being whiny and long winged is part of it...

EC "I used trouble not descending into negative loops of self pity and disgust with myself and the world... But then I just developed a hyperfixation on not-having-hyperfixations"

???? Death: IDK

EC *reading the bible* "It even predicted people obssesing over lolcows with the whole golden calf story, damn...

EC: Rip Kissinger

EC: Slouching? No, I'm just posture-divergent

EC: I do love myself - one has to love even their biggest enemy...

EC in the future:

M: Are you really ready for children?

EC: I accidentally watched a trailer for despicable me 4, and after hearing all the pandering 80s song and repetitive family hinjix humor I just thought "Oh, how cozy would this be to watch with my Kids and Wife!"

So yeah, I CAN deal with it

[a-dragons-journal]

i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

[herrashmoo]

secondly, im not a tumblr teen. ive been on this website for god knows how long and ive been well versed in queer history. me calling them a pedophile, after a conversation with them resulted in them refusing to admit sexual imagery is not for children, them calling me a bootlicker and several other names, before getting wildly upset and blocking me, had nothing to do with their sexuality and everything to do with the fact that they couldnt tell me sexual imagery is not a thing for minors to consume period end of story. this is AFTER the fact i had been a bit more educated about pride and had ALREADY agreed where i went wrong. now about the sanitization of pride- thats wrong as well. dont get me wrong. but you cant seriously look me in the face and tell me that sexual imagery is not for minors. like- just that statement alone, right? so how is this such a controversy?

ugh okay I guess I’m gonna write A Thing. I’ll get into a proper response to your final questions but first, let’s do some context work.

first thing to make clear is that I know Jux irl, and I also want to make it pretty clear that they and I have pretty similar opinions here, I’m just slightly more likely to put my anger aside to reply to stuff. Do not get it twisted, rhetoric like the kind you were/are using is like, a big red flag for me, it’s the kind of shit reactionaries have been using for eons and like, were I in a less chill mood, I would’ve also likely written you off as a bootlicker troll. Their response was pretty aggressive but not completely misplaced, so I just want to make it clear that like, as another queer dude who is tired of seeing this shit every fucking May for the better part of a decade, I’m also exhausted and pissed off.

As for my claim of teenagerdom, I apologize if that offended, but you have to understand that, generally speaking, the loudest groups having this conversation on the regular are (1) right-wing reactionaries, TERFs, and their ilk trying to stir shit up (see: Operation Pridefall) and (2) young people who don’t have any context for Pride, often haven’t been, and only really have queer politic and history from tumblr and twitter threads featuring reactionary revisionism from the first group. When I see people engage in this conversation, I generally assume they’re in the latter group, as it helps me try to frame my responses in the best faith I can given how tired I am of this shit.

But that aside, sure. Kink isn’t for children. But provided there’s a parent accompanying this hypothetical child at Pride, their job is to explain and provide context for the things they can, and give a solid “you’ll learn more when you’re older” for the things they can’t. The Village People are all each in different kink gear, and as a kid I was told “they like to dress up, and there’s some costumes specifically for adults,” and I was good. I saw bare titties at festivals, smelled weed at concerts, saw bulge at the beach — these are normal human things that happen in the world, and having a responsible adult nearby to explain or provide context for them made them non-issues for me. I don’t think a kid seeing a pup hood is thinking anything more than “oh cool, that dude is dressed up as a dog.” Kids understand fantasy and make-believe. And especially as they age into their teenage years, withholding or sheltering them from knowledge about sex and sexuality can do real damage — hell, we’ve been having that conversation for over a century at least.

(Spring’s Awakening was first published in 1891 and was deeply censored in productions for the better part of a century, due to the content of the work, which is about how sheltering young teens (both straight and queer) from sexual content (and also mental health resources) leads them to try to figure shit out on their own and make catastrophic decisions that they don’t understand the consequences of until it’s too late. Great play, pretty great musical adaptation, wild that we keep rehashing its points like clockwork over a century after publication.)

But I am also of the opinion that Pride isn’t for children, as, while two decades of assimilationist politic would desperately try to argue otherwise, I am queer because I am sexually attracted to, and have sex with, other men. Pride is a response to the criminalization of queer sex acts, and so it is, in turn, a celebration of queer sex acts. So if someone wants to walk around in chaps and a jock, great! If someone wants to wear their pup gear or a harness or a rope tie or a vest, fuck yeah! It’s a space specially carved out for celebrating the queer experience — the original Pride flag (before it was simplified to make it easier to mass produce for profit, which, again, love seeing our culture made into product) had a pink stripe at the very top, specifically representing sexuality. It is, ostensibly, the thing that defines our community (at least the L G and B parts of it) as an outgroup against the mainstream society.

I think that, if you are uncomfortable with kink displays, or you’re uncomfortable with children seeing kink displays, then Pride is not for you or your children! Don’t go! There’s kid-friendly and sanitized versions of Pride in most major cities, do some research into your local/state Stonewall organizations and you can find more about them. But I’m already sick of having actual cops at Pride, I don’t need people who are uncomfortable with displays of sexuality also policing myself or any other queer person in a space they have spent decades carving out for themselves.

A final note — if you don’t understand why a queer person would blow up and completely write off your bullshit after calling them a pedophile, I urge you to do more reading, more listening. I know that in this brave new world of same-sex marriage equality and PrEP access that it’s hard to remember the collective trauma that the community has experienced, but this shit is inflammatory, you’re straight up spewing fightin’ words. The dude wearing a leather harness at Pride isn’t trying to corrupt any youth or fuck any kids, they’re just trying to live their shit, and I’m sorry that you and so many others have somehow decided that that’s an attack on a demographic of people who aren’t the audience for a celebration of sexuality. We’re not fucking pedophiles, and this “think about the kids” nonsense is some Reagan-era bullshit.

[i-did]

1/ 4 oh it's funny you brought up the ace people thing bc i'm actually aro/ace so i can elucidate on it a little xD i don't currently write smut but i sure have read a lot of it. i think a lot of ace people find fic a safe way to like? satisfy their curiosity about sexual things without having to look at real people or even watch porn which (esp mainstream porn) can be a lot. and also to like.

2/4 idk when you don't get something but it's such a big part of what so many other people seem to find super important it makes you kinda want to figure it out? i guess? and also a lot of people have a libido even if they don’t experience attraction so that’s a thing too. 3/4 part of the reason m/m is so popular is bc it’s just like. been that way in fandom so long that it’s a habit, and i don’t think the percentage of people fetisizing m/m relationships is really as high as it’s made out to be (although it does still exist, more or less prominently in every fandom) 4/4 my closest friend is a trans dude and he identified as a lesbian for a very long time and he’d never written lesbian porn and one day he was like. “its bc im not a lesbian and i want to write about dudes bc i am one” and i think there are a lot of younger people who are still figuring stuff out which is why i try not to be too harsh on individual people. i do still think it’s important to critique and look at why broader fandom trends turn out the way they do. anyway sorry for sending you a barrage of asks i just get excited about fandom meta xD

-mild nsfw and pwp discussion-

Hey! Yeah no worries, my blog has been pretty quiet activity and ask wise until just now so I'm kind of surprised by the amount of asks I started getting literally over night, but yeah I dont mind getting them lol.

I think "habit" is an interesting word to use in regards to people whipping mlm over wlw, and probably a pretty accurate one. I think however that the percentage of people who are fetishizing mlm is higher than people realize, because from my point of view... i haven't really heard many people talk about it or take it seriously. I don't think its just fetishization, I think its also lack of well written women as well as the default in lgbt being gay man, but i also think the fact that well developed characters get flattened out and a heteronormative dynamic gets placed on them, and the abundance of pwp proves that there is definitely fetishization and people need to start to unlearn it in fandom imo. It makes it a very uncomfortable place to be for mlm otherwise.

Also I know a lot of similar stories to the one you're saying about your friend, trans guys who didn't know who they were, especially gay trans men feeling like they fetishize mlm when they don't they're 100% mlm too, and having room for exploration is important like you said. Your friend is a straight trans guy but the point still stands.

About the ace thing: yeah and I totally get that, I know someone who reads pwp of mlm because its unemotional unlike wlw pwp and as someone who is aro they want to not feel like theyre missing out and know whats up with sexual psychology.

I've heard of a lot of ace people reading pwp to "figure out what the deal is" but its interesting to me how many people look into pwp that would be outside of their demographic, aka cis women reading pwp mlm. I think its important to note that probably 97% of mlm pwp isn't written by mlm for mlm, and isn't actually accurate not only in the mlm gaze, but also functionality and how sex feels. Its porn. Porn exaggerates things, it makes things sound bigger and more extreme and extraordinary because it os inherently performative in a way to arouse the consumer. In had an ace friend tell me they were sad sex wasn't something that they could experience in pwp but, no one can lol. I mean there is more toned down realistic pwp, but the vast majority talks about full body feeling (which btw amab people experience orgasums localized while afab experience more full body)

I get the appeal to not want to look at real people but wanting to know, but why only read mlm if thats the case? Why not also wlw or wlm, etc.

Also its important to note it still isn't actually accurate in a lot of small ways beyond gaze, but also proper prep, health, sanitization, eating habits, body hair, positions, terminology, sensations, culture etc.

I've had someone state that if they wanted accuracy they would go out and actually sleep with someone, but still that person was a cis woman reading mlm pwp, and I think accuracy is important to a degree to prevent issues like fetishization, but also unrealistic expectations.

You stated that mainstream porn is a lot, and it is, but also so is pwp imo, especially as a mlm. The pwp tag in ant fandom is quite wild lol. Thats. Thats my 2 cents, its quite wild.

But yeah overall the best thing is to assume people don't have ill intent, they usually don't! But that doesn't mean that overall some people aren't also causing harm by doing such things like fetishizing mlm in fandom.

Cool asks lol wasn't expecting this everyones been chill so far thanks for the lack of anon hate and remember that the internet is a public space and to try to be respectful of others.

[littlebabycrybtch]

oh my god im sorry but i HATE reading analysis discourse so fuckgin much. its so annoying and unnecessary and cruel bc per usual ableists just Scream over everyone and manipulate the view by focusing on the wrong points. disrespect towards this issue is never gonna work and yall would get that if you actually listened to the way the (usually nd) people felt about it and why, but ur too busy mocking them so you look good for consuming the Proper Medias tm. i mean you literally have to know this isnt productive, yall keep going bc you get a kick out of laughing at ‘unintelligent’ people.

‘uu ur teachers didnt oppress u by making u read to kill a mockingbird instead of the hunger games” ok listen 1. media you dont personally care abt can still definitely hold depthful value and be analyzed. oh my god lmao. the people who prefer ~that kind~ of media arent stupid and dont prefer easy thinking, its your own fault for Not looking into it yourself and just assuming its worthless, literally judging a book by its cover. LITERALLY avoiding the analysis skills you claim to have by assuming anything you read in highschool = smart, valuable and anything mainstream = stupid and useless. most books inherently contain symbolism and morals, a lot of these people CAN understand it, theyre just criticizing the inaccessibility of the writing that was forced on them academically. the people analyzing those medias instead of your favs are still taking in lessons even if they prefer to do it in a different format, i mean for instance THG is literally about fucking classism and racism and war you dumb hypocritical tunnel vision bitch, young adult media usually has a Lot of real world parallels in it that very much pertains to how teens see the world, thats the literal POINT, just cuz ur too elitist and dont respect children enough doesnt mean some books are ‘too stupid’ to analyze with any real social value, and 2. A BOOK NOT BEING EXCITING... OR EASY TO UNDERSTAND... IS LITERALLY SMTH VALID TO CRITICIZE IN MANY CASES, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE GIVING IT TO CHILDREN.... if a kid says “this is boring/too long/uses words that i dont know, so i cant make any sense of it” that doesnt always mean theyre lazy or w/e, if its not a book made for kids (bc kids can understand mature themes but that doesnt. mean you can just throw all the other skills they arent experienced with yet at them, they still need writing tailored to them), Thats your first problem, but sometimes ur book is just fucking boring all together. a book can have as much symbolism as it wants, if its not there to open the mind and provide necessary depth, but to feel self important and make you feel self important for getting it, thats not a good book. and with books i do respect now like TKAM i remember outright saying, “i literally cannot read this and dont get it at all” at like 10 yrs old, and my teachers didnt do shit to explain it or help me or give me any skills at all, they were just like. :) keep trying!! according to your scores we know you can do it!!! so, i did not keep trying, i gave up, and i guarantee if it had been a few years later it would have been easier. if i had been given the opportunity to read stories with similar morals that were made for my age range that i WANTED to read, i guarantee i wouldve gotten so much more out of that. but i was literally DISALLOWED, bro if i grabbed a book that actually interested me, i was told i couldnt check it out at ALL unless it was in the ‘range’ i was assigned, which was college level since i was in 4th grade. so if you think i shouldve kept reading, im being unironic rn, you need to go get a degree, become a teacher, and if a kid or teen says to you what i said, sit them down and TEACH THEM without shame, and fight for better regulations of what reading levels can be pushed on what age groups. if lit analysis is this important to you, FUCKING TEACH IT PROPERLY, that is literally the ONLY REAL SOLUTION to the problem you have, NOT SHAMING the people who were ALREADY FAILED BY THE SYSTEM.

the problem is not ‘idiots think symbolism is stupid’ the problem has ALWAYS been ‘the education system is flawed and how and when children are taught certain skills is so corrupted and damaging, the children growing up with it cannot Help but struggle later in life, and your issue should be with the system”. like can i be real. learn how to Emotionally ~analyze~ posts from sad kids with mental illnesses saying smth as basic as “i wish i wasnt forced to read mature books as a child without any themes pertaining to me at all bc it hurt my already fragile motivations for learning :/” without your ass getting defensive over the classics. bitches stan ‘the door is red to symbolize anger’ but think thg is just a stupid dystopia love triangle book................ ur not even that smart like yall are just elitist like LITERALLY just elitist if you mock the values ppl see in other books and claim theyre too stupid to understand ~real books~. a fucking mickey mouse cartoon could hold the exact same moral lesson as a 1200 page novel written by a college professor of 30 years, like the Exact Same Conclusions CAN be drawn no matter how many words and analogies and metaphors are thrown on top!! for many those fancy details make it more enriching but its literally possible to get the same concepts from “EASIER” material, that is not Lesser it is ACCESSIBLE and it should be ENCOURAGED all the same. yall are gatekeeping and its stupid, if you actually want ppl to analyze media then you’d applaud how they analyze their passions even when you dont share it, not shame them for struggling with understanding other stories. this rly boils down to either ‘i hate ppls preferences and wanna make them feel stupid’ OR the ever so lovely ‘i hate whiny disabled ppl and kids who were pressured to the point of burnout, and wanna make them feel stupid’. its fucking exhausting. idc how you guys feel, you talk to hear yourselves talk and its all just talk and nothing helpful, your disrespect doesnt work bc its an echo of the root problem. for gods sake shut up already lmao

[red-dyed-sarumane]

theres one main world i like to think about a lot & thats the psychic world which really isnt based on anything in particular but i guess maybe similar to raildex in ways?? like. not everyone has an ability, those that do don't inherit it, everyone's ability is determined just by them themselves. if you dont have one you can't really get one (sometimes people dont realize they have one for a while & theyre like 'oh i just got one!!' but its just they finally learned how to use it), if you have one u cant change it or decide what it is but its urs!! that said multiple people can have the same/similar abilities but like. its by chance & its. Extremely rare for people in the same family to have similar abilities. people who come into this world from other worlds also have a chance to get an ability but its based the same way as everyone else. there are people who will discriminate others based on if they have an ability or not but those people arent. well liked & for the most part both types of people get along well. its pretty common for strangers with abilities to pick fights with others for no real reason besides wanting practice or being bored. generally u have to make sure the other person has an ability & its a fair fight otherwise ur an asshole & the person Can get u in legal trouble if they want. but yeah most people like fights its like pkmn battles but with ur own minds. theres not any mainstream tournaments or anything for it tho. most of the time they are refered to as abilities but in some countries & languages its still called magic. abilities can range to pretty much anything as long as it has something to do with using ur mind in some way. (so like. u cant just naturally be super buff muscule man. but u can have an ability where if u focus u can turn into super buff muscle man)

the world has a lot of fun areas (? idk how i want to say this.) like. theres island chains that just float around in the sky. some of these have really big waterfalls and such on them. some islands are connected together by tree roots grown together into bridges. some are just big floating rocks. because they don't stay still no one's sure if all of them have been discovered yet. some of them only seem to appear in thick fog or cloud cover so its near impossible to actually reach it or find ur way back again. there are one or two small communities on certain islands but for the most part everyone agrees its too dangerous & uncertain to try.

theres really thick forests that seem to go on forever. the branches of the trees grow together so tightly almost no light can get through. in these areas there are rumors (that are true!) of creatures called gemstone deer. these are just really big deer with their antlers & hooves being a type of gemstone. they can sense people's intentions and will never appear to those ill-hearted or greedy & will flee if anyone tries to take pictures. when they do appear its often to help lost kids or kind people find their way back out of the forest again. in rare cases if they trust someone they will lead them back into the deepest part of the forest where they live. at some point the plants in the area start turning into the same gemstone the deer have on them. its a place of almost overwhelming calm & due to lighting and maybe some trick the deer themselves play its impossible for any person to stumble across these places without the help of the deer regardless of what ability they may have. & since the trees grow so tightly together people discovered its possible to walk across them. so often times there are treetop cities above these forests with occasional ladders down trees to go into the forest or down out to fields. its not uncommon to see small farms or gardens growing from the treetops as well since its essentially like ground made from tree limbs.

it some places there are old ruins that seem like abysses. most of them are concrete or marble or some other light colored stone that for the most part is 90° walls straight down until all u can see is fog. the only obstructions are the rather narrow walk ways & where the walls have crumbled & plants took their place. no one has seen or reached the bottoms besides the gods. no one knows who made them or why. these are scattered across the world but rather few in number over all. very large places though.

the main form of travel in this world is sky whale or other moving animal (horse etc) planes dont exist. cars exist but arent very popular. bicycles are decently popular. but if ur going any large distance in a relatively quick time u will be taking a sky whale. these are what they sound like. they are very big and just kinda float in the air & swim through it like water. most of them are trained specifically to deal with the public and are treated well. its pretty rare for people to own their own sky whale. what whales are where depend on what region theyre in. different species have different skills. there are some people who do have their own whales & enter them in competitions too. watching whale races & competitions is a pretty popular passtime.

money exists but isnt really that important. people do their jobs bc its things they like and enjoy not bc they need to.

its very common for kids to drop out of school around middle or high school. theyre encouraged to go out & find themselves. so, while its not recommended they go alone especially if they dont have an ability, its common for them to go on journeys across country & find what they like and where they want to be. many people keep traveling as adults as well. but it is risky between people and everything else in the world so theres a lot of emphasis on preparing if ur going to do this. theres a lot of open apprenticeships for various skills and also libraries & internet so learning what u need to isnt really a concern to anyone.

religions are usually animal based in this world. all of the gods exist somewhere in the world. (unless like ryuusei theyre in space but they're not a typical case bc they guard the space/heaven border so no one goes to the realm of the dead when they arent supposed to) gods do gain power from people believing in them but their abilities are just like anyone else's. its just the more people believe in or know of them the more controlled & potent they can become. they cannot die by traditional means. if u try to kill them they'll disappear for a bit & then suddenly come back like nothing happened. if everyone forgets about them they dont die they just disappear. if someone rediscovers them somehow they will reappear, however often very weak & disoriented for a while. theres no benefit to praying to the gods really? theres no like. heaven or hell concept really. ur not going to be eternally punished or whatever for anything u do. there IS a place for souls of the dead to stay which i call heaven for lack of a better word but like. its not really paradise or anything its just. a place. a half detached world i guess. if u do feel like praying to the gods tho u might get divine blessing if any of them like u. which is basically just u get more lucky in certain circumstances. gods often have multiple abilities at the same time & animal/animal-like attributes. they live in really obscure hard to find places most of the time, not that they dislike people, but its usually just easier for them. they do interact & come into average people's towns on occasion though, just for fun. the main religion in the country i focus most on is based on the seasons so theres (if i remember right) owl for winter, snake for summer, deer for fall, rabbit for spring, fox for balance & they control the coming & going of seasons as well as things related to the seasons like say renewal for spring, acceptance for fall, endurance for winter, etc. fox there to keep everyone in line & make sure its not like. winter all year & make sure everyones getting along. weather/seasonal oddities are often blamed on them not getting along or not being well.

ive been writing for like an hour so thats all for now

[huntress-of-the-forest]

Despite what people thing, Blunder and Brian get together first.

Basically a couple weeks prior they had been talking about what they wanted to be when they were older: Claire wanted to work in a bank, Ally with plants etc. And Blunder was very dismissive about it, said he wouldn’t be able to do anything. 

Ally: its not about what you could do, what do you want to be? 

And blunder confesses that he wants to be an Auror. Cause wouldn’t that be cool? Chasing around bad guys and putting them away for good but with OWLS just around the corner he knows he won’t get the grades. So brian offers to help him out- “not cheating, actual study”

So most evenings- and some nights when they are able to sneak past mrs norris, they spend the evenings together (and sometimes someone else tags along, sometimes they dont) and the two work through blunders classes and even in the ones that brian doesnt study, he teaches blunder good ways to study and remember and how to structure an essay

And its during one of these nights that they working on a charms essay, something they both take, and Brian makes a truly awful pun about something and he’s just sat there giggling to himself and blunder leans in and kisses him. 

After Team B, as they get called, its Andy and Allison. Other than Andy, none of them are really big quidditch fans for various reasons 

“too dangerous”- brian 

“too mainstream”- blunder. 

So usually they would go pull pranks during quidditch games and wait for Andy to get back. But Ally feels a bit bad that none of them go and support their friend so she starts going to them- first she goes to a Hufflepuff/Slytherin game and secretly cheer when her house loses, but then its all of Andy’s games, and sometimes when its other teams the two will go together 

its not the end of the year for another few months, but Slytherin are so far a head that if they win the next match they win the quidditch cup. They’re behind in points at the moment, but not by a lot and if someone gets the snitch now they will win and get the cup. However it seems the opposing teams seeker is just about to grab the snitch when Andy hits the bludger, sending them away and giving the Slytherin seeker enough time to grab the snitch in time

And the Slytherin crowd are all praising the seeker (I imagine the seeker is like the quarterback/striker of quidditch) and Andy gets a few pats on the back from his teammates and they say there is going to be a massive party in the Slytherin common room and Andy was going to go but he sees Ally coming out of the stadium and is like “i’ll catch you guys later” 

The two go explore some areas near the forbidden forest (not into the forest itself, but close enough) and they talk a bit. 

“You were the real star of that, not the seeker.” 

“Thank you, but you are a bit biased.” 

And ally just looks at him. “Yeah i am a bit.” And the kisses him 

and they're both a bit surprised but they are both v much into it and they walk back to the castle hand in hand 

("if your team b, we're team a" "fuck brian there better than us")

and now that her friends are together Claire gets a bit... lonely. she had had a crush on Blunder after the detention but the he got with Brian and she moved on- or tried to. the crush never left she just... got a new one. on Ally 

the two of them were hanging out a lot more, Claire ditched a lot of her old friends (and a lot of them ditched her) when she started spending time with the misfits so Ally had been (trying to) do girly stuff with her (CUE MANDATORY POPULAR SCENE) and though she didn't really get being girly, Claire was so thankful that she at least tried and she started to hang out with Ally and her plants a lot to (though she kept a bit of a distance). and during this time her crush developed and than Ally started dating Andy and she kind of felt really left out. 

the couples weren't very obvious when they were all together, they through the words 'babe' and 'love' around a lot but not much else, but the dynamic was clear, even if subtle

now Ally wasn't blind, though it did take her a little to catch on, but she thought that Claire was just into Blunder and thats what she told Andy- cue the two of them trying to start claire/blunder/brian up into a trio (or at least a V relationship) and during that time the two of them started to realise hey the rest of our friends are cute 

now blunder and brian take a very long time to realise- but BLunder thought that Andy and Ally were trying to get Claire to date the two of them and not him and brian, so those team B try to set them up, all while CLaire thinks she has both her crushes (which is slowly starting to develop into more) well hidden 

matchmaking takes a back seat during exams, but the way they work is you don't get your results until a week after you finish, so the 5 of them are hanging around hogwarts with nothing to do for a week, stressing the fuck out and stressing even more when someone says "stop worrying, the exams are over, theres nothing you can do now!" (for the love of god never say that to someone waiting for exam results)

 the day before results day the entire of 5th year get to go to hogsmead to calm them down (remove all the stress from the building because they are affecting everyone else) and the 5 of them end up breaking into the shrieking shack (now just the shack) and some how (probably blunder) lets it slip that "isn't it obvious claire is in love with you?" and team a are like "no she's obviously in love with you" and its like "no she's not" "yes she is" "no she isn't" and then claire just goes "IM IN LOVE WITH YOU ALL" 

and theres silence and then "oh okay" from ally who goes and kisses her and the five sit down and they talk about it and they decide to meet up over the summer (already planned, but now they're dates) and by the time they have to go back up to hogwarts they have all kissed at least once 

(of course Blunder gets the grades he needs to take the auror classes, and then realises that fuck that means he's going to need to do more work next year) 

(one day i will write this fic, when i have finally written all my others)

[ed89]

I don’t know anymore what to ask ‘how you fell about something’ yet.

new random question s:

why are you an anarchist

how much weed do you smoke in a week

what’s your favourite color

how do you like to yawn

do you like alex g

what’s your favourite film

which main character in st do you dislike the most 😒

who’d you rather meet from st cast🥱

what’s your fanfiction tags😂

what’s your favourite book

which color do you dislike

what’s your favourite holiday

what’s your hobbies

where are you from😛..

do you like fast food

do you like fish

how much hours do you sleep

🙂

uh how do you feel about homestuck😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤨

which superpower would you like to have

what’s your favourite food

do you like smell of cigarette smoke

do you smoke 💨

how would do you feel if Noah Schnapp or Finn Wolfhard broke your leg

I wanna be your white bread boyfriend I want to be your mainstream man

what’s your favourite animal

do you drink water

who’s better Jesse or Walter

bye.😐

how would you react if Trump became president of your country

who’s your kinns 🥱 from st and not from st

I forgot the question WTF

I remembered. what’s your favourite meme

what’s your favourite animation meme

what weather do you like

bye

who are your favorite music artists I love music

A NEW BATCH

i hate the government its ruined humanity

either 1-4 cones a day or sometimes i just dont smoke at all for a bit

anything neon and eyehurting

i like to open my entire face and yawn so i successfully regain some lost HP

alex g is pretty cool (i think)

oooooohh uhhhhhh i love movies too much i cant choose but i really like scream and hereditary

billy or brenner probably they're assholes

i love will but id love to meet finn bro

hurt/comfort or splatterpunk

idk i dont read anymore sory

that shitty braass colour between yellow and green

halloween

writing, video games and working out ig

australia

YAS

fish are cute

7 or 12 hours tbh

😀

haven't heard anything good abt it

shapeshifting so i can do and be anything i want

chocolate or bagels with cream cheese and salmon

yes i actually like the smell of cigarette smoke JIFDSBNF unless its my dad's

i smoke yes

id be pretty upset that they ruined my track record of not breaking any of my bones

🍋😈

OH FUCK UH uh uh uh I LOVE ALL ANIMALS BUT UHH GECKO

i drink so much water mmhmhmhmhmhh yummymy

jesse

hi 👹

kill myself

i dont kin but will and mike are way too relatable help also benrey from hlvrai they r so me

remember then

rn my fav meme is. uh. impact font with a completely incomprehensible selection of images and words

this one

rainy or cloudy

bye

my chemical romance, tyler the creator, glass animals, johnny goth, urban heat, 3teeth, queen, powerman 5000, oingo boingo, andrew hulshult, kmfdm, igorrr, author & punisher, carnifex, freddie dredd and ghost

thank u anon i love questions

[swampgallows]

well, so, tumblr ate my post on my phone, but the gist of what i wanted to say was that it was, of course, amazing, but i feel like... and this is kind of cheesy and embarrassing but, it wasn’t really until this year, between wonder woman and this film—the shape of water—that i felt like anything was “for me”. 

i cannot remember the last time my heart swelled like that during a film, let alone in general. in fact, i’m not sure it ever has. not in that way. this film made me understand why people care for romance films or romance itself, the appeal of it. i cried a lot. and i cried a lot during wonder woman too, but for a different sort of reason. wonder woman helped me realize i was starving to see a strong, whole woman; i had thought to myself “no wonder people love superheroes so much”. i thought they were fun, of course, but it wasn’t until wonder woman that i truly felt that kind of power, that feeling of being uplifted. it was like... hope, and protection. even growing up i never had a “hero”, as it were, not until chris metzen, and that wasn’t until i was well in my teens. i have felt like the outcast for so long that i couldnt even feel like an underdog, let alone a hero. 

it’s foolish to say what i found in the shape of water was “representation”, but... it was like a validity. it felt verified. it felt.... real. it wasn’t goofy. it wasn’t a joke. it wasn’t supernatural or one-sided. it felt very real. i did not even realize there were tears in my eyes until one fell down my face. it felt so very real to me. of course, i love all of guillermo del toro’s movies, particularly in that he engages with fairy tales—parables, too, as he had mentioned in the interview following the credits—with a reverence, an authenticity. with respect. when you accept these creatures and themes as real, they become real. but if you maintain the whole time that it’s “just CGI”, “just movie magic”; proving his whole point, when you “Other” these creatures, you turn them into things. you make them objects instead of real, believable, sentient things. and his point was that we do this to people too. “There is no us VS them. There is only us.”

and, really, on the heels of seeing Bright, the contrast between the films is stark. Bright achieved almost the exact opposite of taking these fantasy races—which are to be respected as fellow people in an urban fantasy setting—and immediately Othering them, as well as making the entire film about their Otherness. additionally, the “message” of the film is lost when jakoby is the exception to the rule, the “One Good Orc” instead of “orcs are people” (despite literally having the line “orcs are people too”, this is never put into practice). and he is even further robbed of that by ward being a bright all along instead of jakoby, or even BOTH of them. ALL the formulaic evidence points to jakoby being a bright. “brights are elves, rarely humans, NEVER orcs”; jakoby is unblooded, round-toothed, clan-less, seen as a dissenter to his entire race; inexplicably wanted to be a cop ever since he was a little kid even though there have never been orc cops and most are sent off to war; demonstrably more sensitive and inquisitive than most orcs; even the very last moment up until ward’s bright reveal, jakoby gives an entire relay of the myth of jirak the humble orc farmer, who was unblooded, who turned out to be a man of prophecy, and begs ward to go back and help tikka. “I think we’re in a prophecy!” yet ward is the bright and jakoby isn’t. fucking L. ZERO payoff. ward is a racist asshole to jakoby the entire fucking film, treats him like shit, then finds out HE gets to hold a magic wand? fuck off.

yet even bright, in all of its horribleness, still feels like it was “for me”. so, it’s strange, but, i feel like mainstream stories are... finally becoming accessible to me? it’s hard to explain. Like, there’s a reason i’m rooted in my Very Insular Interests and all that bullshit. i dont feel welcome anywhere else. of course i stick with what’s familiar, and i dont think i will ever “move on” from these core aspects of my life and personality, but... it feels like there are stories coming out that i can actually relate to, things where my interests are the focus instead of being a side character or an extra in the background, or it’s the core plot to a film instead of being a parody or, worse, from a documentary angle. “how strange this is! why are people like this! can you BELIEVE there are people who relate better to MONSTERS than PEOPLE? god, there are people who actually think this is COOL but it’s so lame and stupid and for total nerds!!! UGH, can you BELIEVE those crybaby SJWs are BEGGING for a FEMALE SUPERHERO for WOKE FEMINIST POINTS?”

wonder woman stood atop the tower, alone, triumphant, and had saved the village. and everyone looked up at her, in awe of her, full of gratitude. that shot made me think “this is why little boys want to be superman.” there was a little girl in me that thought “i wish i could be wonder woman.” something like gender shouldn’t make a difference, but what a difference it makes. i mean, there’s a reason i havent felt that feeling before. and it’s not because i have any particular affinity for superheroes or diana herself; i truthfully have very little interest in either. but that is the first time i have ever seen a solitary, non-sexual, powerful woman. even in trying to tell my mom about the shot after i saw the film, i burst into tears. 

bright was handled like shit, but the fact that the movie even got made is astounding to me, particularly because it didn’t have the “excuse” of being rooted in preexisting media. so even though the story was shit, that it was an original screenplay is HUGE to me. Hellboy II was sick as hell, one of my favorite films, and pulled off the ‘urban fantasy’ much better than bright could ever hope to, but it had the veil of being a “comic book film”, so people knew they were going in under a pretense that it would be pulp and campy. essentially, not serious. not real. already written off as “this isn’t real so it can’t affect me. i’m just turning my brain off for a while.”

i guess it’s just that... these monsters are so real to me and i relate to them so deeply that it’s almost like seeing myself, in a sense. i feel such a personal attachment to them that seeing a creature as obscure as an orc on film or outside the same realms of media (lotr, warcraft, d&d) is cause for celebration. it’s like seeing something that even vaguely references a rave; i feel acknowledged because that’s me, that’s my community, those are my people. and OTHER PEOPLE recognize that that’s me too. i remember in high school one of my classmates told me to watch the entirety of disney’s chicken little (not recommended) because it made him think of me. why? there was a split second where one of the characters (the ugly duckling, thanks asshole) holds a glowstick. that is literally it. there wasn’t even techno playing. it was wannabe by the spice girls. but even then i was still like (POINTS) ME

and i think that’s something guillermo understands, because he relates so deeply to monsters as well. and interviewers and other media outlets might take it as a novelty—oh that kooky del toro, what will he think of next! isn’t that bizarre! what a strange man he is haha oh but we love it! wow, totally trippy settings! where does he come up with this stuff???—but del toro makes sure his films convey respect and severity. He doesn’t play up these films as pulp or tongue in cheek or with any sort of bashfulness of “i know this is silly, but...” He doesn’t feel a need to excuse himself for his interests. he portrays them fully and seriously, and that gives me great courage. as someone who is constantly apologizing for my interests being too silly or “too insular” (I will never get over that haha sorry!) or too obscure or too abrasive, always being too loud or too much or too ugly, seeing my interests portrayed with genuine respect and depth always feels worthy of celebration to a degree i cant put into words. it gives me strength to exist, unabashedly, and as my full self.

i’m excited for the blockbuster bubble to burst. maybe, finally, all of us at the edges will finally get to surface. i am already seeing the little trickles.

[paneerlajwanti]

so @gulaabjamoon now that we have gathered

thanks for sharing this too, coz same

i have some hot tea. unrelated, but the tea is hot

i might derail and make this entirely not about sharon carter but hold up, it's gonna make sense in the end

i remember when i watched this video made by swaddle about india's obsession for long hair

and i was like oh my god the puzzle fits finally it all makes sense

so,

mainstream cinema how many times have you seen a "beautiful" woman with short hair? like a shoulder length bob cut is also considered "eXxPErImenTal" for them.

her womanhood and inherent femininity is linked to her khule silky hawa main udne waale zulfein,, their untamed hair was associated with their energy, with their pizzazz of some sort

it's also like mard nazar?? what's the english word for that?? remember that post difference between harley quinn characterization between the suicide squad movie and the birds of prey movie?? like the difference between when men create something about women and when women do??

like anyone anyone who gets work done, i don't think anybody exists with open hair all the time like that, im not referring to folks with short hair here, but like if your hair can come into a rubber band or a clip, when you getting work done, you gonna tie them. personal choice if you don't, but letting your letting hair down isn't something people do always, im probably speaking solelyfrom personal experiences only

but acc to men, women hair always be like ghanee zulfein flying in the air and them should be looking pretty always??

look pretty while you're at it

so, i recently watched the queen's gambit, and oh what an excellent show, but one thing that made me feel ?? was during these scenes,, i might probably be taking this the wrong way again and if i say something that you disagree with, please let me know and i would learn more from our conversation

would anyone look at this image and go "poor darling, she's hit rock bottom"

like at probably the lowest point of her mental and emotional well-being, beth harmon has perfect eyeliner, her hair is pretty and curled, she's wearing like a nice laced thing, i don't know what's it called and she's just slipped on a cardigan in a sexy way and smoking and or drinking??

i will get back to sharon in a while. probably after this paragraph. and i am sure i have detailed to an extent that y'all might have forgotten what actually this was about

so there's this video by the take as well called the "female assassin trope"

basically, it's funny that emily vancamp is playing such a pivotal role in the show and the two seconds they showed of hers is like she's fighting her ass off and her hair is like pretty perfect untied badass

i might sound like a hypocrite here, because

women 🥵🥵 with weaponry of choice 🥵🥵 fighting 🥵🥵 im such a simp for that and im bi

but historically speaking, anatomically speaking, ITS SO INCONVENIENT AND I DONT THINK PEOPLE EVEN DO THAT ACTUALLY??

even while it's unnecessary and stupid

because you want her to make murder sexy

you will do that,

you will make her look pretty while she's at it

mic drop,, even though i can talk more lmao

Look I love Sharon, I really do but oh my god tie up your hair while fighting- how is it not distracting??

she's too badass for the hair to distract her lmao

[midnightliar]

i should have read that tag (tagged by @violaeade!)

Rules:

Thank the person who tagged you and link back to their post

Link to the creator’s blog in your post

Answer the questions below

Tag 10 others to take part

ENJOY THE TAG!

A book that a certain friend is always telling you to read:

i’m gonna be honest most of my friends don’t read and/or don’t recommend me books lol. my friend lent (gave?) me her copy of tell me again how a crush should feel and i haven’t picked it up yet :/

A book that’s been on your TBR forever and yet you still haven’t picked it up:

on the edge of gone :( sorry miss duyvis i bought it and i have it and its beautiful but i just haven’t read it yet :(

A book in a series you’ve started, but haven’t finished yet:

i feel like “yet” is a key word here. theres some books/series i just haven’t finished because i have no intention of doing so, and i wanna say that doesn’t count. i have started the book the city of brass which i think is in a series and i haven’t read the others because i haven’t yet made it past the beginning of the book. i want to tho! i liked it! i just want to read other stuff right now

A classic you’ve always liked the sound of, but never actually read:

not to sound like someone with no taste but most classics don’t really interest me. i guess maybe anne of green gables? 

A popular book that it seems everyone but you has read:

oh literally almost any mainstream ya on tumblr lmao. anything by rainbow rowell or adam silvera or whatever fantasy series is big right now or whatever has like one supporting gay or a character whos charming and mischievous and easily fancast as a up and coming handsome white actor. i havent read any of em

A book that inspired a film/TV adaptation that you really love, but you just haven’t read it yet:

hmm i feel like this is an unconventional answer but i’m gonna say the celluloid closet! i loved the documentary i thought it was really interesting and i think it’d be nice to go thru the book and get more depth/detail.  there are also a lot of movie adaptations i love but i don’t have any interest in reading the source material i.e. love simon and tatbilb and leave no trace and the handmaiden and can you ever forgive me?

A book you see all over Instagram Tumblr (I don’t use Instagram) but haven’t picked up yet:

again the word “yet”!! i’m probably not going to pick any of it up!! and tbh i am not really plugged into books online anymore either. i used to see a lot of that one gay sports book (dont remember what its called) that i imagine being the same thing as the raven cycle so i dont care. what else. idk the tatbilb series used to come up a lot but i’ve seen the movie so i’m good. i’m sorry i make these answers so boring by not actually paying attention and knowing any of the popular books rip

thanks sabrina! even tho i always look like a fool doing these because i dont know any books lol

i haven’t used this blog much of late so i dont really remember any urls off the top of my head but if you’re reading this and you’d like to do it i’m tagging you!!

[useless-lesbian-canadian]

All the numbers ✨

this was almost mean in a way cause its so late but here you go, i dunno why youd wanna know all that about me but thanks for making me do them all i guess :P 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?- tbh i dont even know, its been too long3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? - my mom, she’s coming to the city sunday. i miss her. 4. Are you easy to get along with? -i would like to think so yes, i try to be easygoing and nice so theres that. 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? -no7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - i mean i think id want to be, i doubt it would happen tho….8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? - honestly nobody..9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - sorta, i mean i get that its so mainstream but I’ve never been one to talk about it unless its with someone I’m interested in and have know/had a connection to for a while. 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - someone who i no longer in my life so it doesn’t matter. 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? -“ lol am i supposed to support you eating them or stop you tho” to my cousin12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? -  Stay- Zedd & Alessia Cara, How Not To- Dan + Shay, Lights Down Low- Max Ft Gnash, Happier- Ed Sheeran and still giving it up for Closer- Chainsmokers & Halsey 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? - if i like you yes, if i dont then dont touch.14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? - sorta, i believe in luck, and that I’m one of the unlucky ones, but not sold on miracles yet15. What good thing happened this summer? - i moved to Edmonton! YAY16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - fuck i dont recall who that was, but i think it was a friendly weird drunk thing so probably not. 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? -yes to think otherwise is extremely stupid and arrogant to think humans are the only life out there18. Do you still talk to your first crush? - no, well i mean unless we’re in a group setting, 19. Do you like bubble baths? - i love baths in general, I’m sad i only have a shower right now :( 20. Do you like your neighbors? - i dont know them, i dont like where they park their car tho21. What are you bad habits? - uh I’m bad at texting back, sometimes i dont think before i speak/type, 22. Where would you like to travel? - the world, Greece, Ireland, Switzerland, Australia 23. Do you have trust issues? - oh fuck yeah, ill admit to that,24. Favorite part of your daily routine? - sleeping?? 26. What do you do when you wake up? - either check my phone or get something to drink27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - a little darker, my family was making fun of me a couple weekends ago cause i look like a ghost in our family photo28. Who are you most comfortable around? - my family and cousin and our friend group29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? - ha, haha hahaha that would require them to use words to break up and not just ghost away out of my life forever. 30. Do you ever want to get married? - maybe, if i find the right person. 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? nope not at all32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? - tbh idk, I’m more on the demisexual scale here and i dont really think of sleeping with random people including celebrities 33. Spell your name with your chin. no I’m too tired34. Do you play sports? What sports? - soccer and basketball for fun with the fam 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? -tv, i need music to live36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - uh i dont think so37. What do you say during awkward silences? - ramble or ask weird or lame questions 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? - nice and kind with a good sense of humour, has to have some smarts and be a little more mature, but still can fool around. 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? -hollister, their jeans are great, winners, warehouse one, 40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m way past high school, still dont know41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - yes but not on everything. 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? - i could just be observing, or I’m a little sad, or maybe I’m uninterested in the topic43. Do you smile at strangers? - i try to44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? oh fuck uh ocean i guess45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? - the need to have money to stay living 46. What are you paranoid about? -nothing really i dont think47. Have you ever been high? -nope48. Have you ever been drunk? - yup, wish i was right now49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - not that i know of51. Ever wished you were someone else? - sorta, wished i was different than i am 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?  - everything53. Favourite makeup brand? -…….. moving on 54. Favourite store? - walmart cause its cheap and I’m poor55. Favourite blog? - oh uh idk56. Favourite colour? -blue or purple57. Favourite food? -pizza58. Last thing you ate? - mcdonalds chicken burger59. First thing you ate this morning? - left over wings, so unhealthy but I’ve had a bad week sue me 60. Ever won a competition? For what? i won the music award for highest mark in school. 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? -nope i was a good little nerd62. Been arrested? For what? -nope 63. Ever been in love? - yup, do not recommend 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? - it was with my best friend we were 15 in my basement, he was to shy so i kissed him first it was nothing special, turns out I’m gay as fuck65. Are you hungry right now? - nope66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? - ……..67. Facebook or Twitter? - twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr? -tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? -no70. Names of your bestfriends? - like irl, Sam, Haley, Zach Cassidy, Des71. Craving something? What?- a relationship that lasts 72. What colour are your towels?- blue, and i have a hudsons bay one that is HB colours72. How many pillows do you sleep with? - 4 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? - yup gotta have melman with me74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? - uh under 20 but thats all I can say 75. Favourite animal? - puppy! 76. What colour is your underwear? -navy blue77. Chocolate or Vanilla? -choco!78. Favourite ice cream flavour? -choco or cotton candy79. What colour shirt are you wearing? -grey and it says hog wars 80. What colour pants? - no pants81. Favourite tv show? -atm survivor 82. Favourite movie? - ghostbusters but then new one obvs 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? - mean girls is that even a question?84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? - mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? - Glen Coco86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? - Dory87. First person you talked to today? - my cousin88. Last person you talked to today? - my cousin, we’re roommates so...89. Name a person you hate? -Trump90. Name a person you love? - my mom91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - eh sorta, i like punching thins when I’m in a bad mood but i dont because that not healthy 92. In a fight with someone? -nope93. How many sweatpants do you have? - uh 4/594. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? - uh 10 maybe95. Last movie you watched? - Moana 96. Favourite actress? - oh shit uh atm melissa mcarthy 97. Favourite actor? - ryan reynolds 98. Do you tan a lot? i burn99. Have any pets? no my dad does tho i count them sometimes 101. Do you type fast? - yeah sometimes 102. Do you regret anything from your past?- a lot of shit man, way to much. 103. Can you spell well? - nope this is just a fact 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? - you know what no, they dont deserve it 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? - all the time, I’m a country kid at heart106. Ever broken someone’s heart? - i dont think so107. Have you ever been on a horse? -no horses scare me 108. What should you be doing? - sleeping109. Is something irritating you right now? - sorta 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - hahahahah fuck off yes111. Do you have trust issues? - didn’t i answer this already???112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - probably all my fam at my great grandmas funeral 113. What was your childhood nickname? -Cera after the triceratops from land before time 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? - yup to Italy, LA, and British Columbia 115. Do you play the Wii? - used to 116. Are you listening to music right now? -nope 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?- yes 118. Do you like Chinese food? - yes119. Favourite book? - i can’t remember its name but its gay as fuck 120. Are you afraid of the dark? -nope121. Are you mean? - i dont think so122. Is cheating ever okay? - no never 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? - for some time yes 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? -no125. Do you believe in true love? - idk it constantly changes, sometimes 126. Are you currently bored? -nah not really127. What makes you happy? - music, my family, food 128. Would you change your name? - no 129. What your zodiac sign? - leo130. Do you like subway? - yes131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - too bad bro I’m gay 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - this was already a question stop repeating 133. Favourite lyrics right now? - Yeah, you're worth the heartbreak and the regret But I don't know how not to Think about you When it's late at night and quiet134. Can you count to one million? - yes135. Dumbest lie you ever told?- a guy asked if i was single while i was working so i said no because fuck if I’m gonna deal with that 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? - closed137. How tall are you? - 5'5138. Curly or Straight hair?- its wavy 139. Brunette or Blonde? -im a blonde, tend to like the brunettes tho 140. Summer or Winter?- summer141. Night or Day? - night142. Favourite month? - august 143. Are you a vegetarian?- nope144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? -milk145. Tea or Coffee? - neither 146. Was today a good day? -it was ok 147. Mars or Snickers? - snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? - its song lyrics but “beauty goes deeper than the surface” aka half of my tattoo 149. Do you believe in ghosts? - oh hell yeah

[dyhnsr-blog]

Tuesday, Feb 20th 2017

*big sigh*

there’s just too many things on my mind lately.

firstly, im completely obsessed with this guy from a korean kpop band that i initially didnt like just because they were mainstream. but once i saw their foolish and playful sides, i grew attached and obsessed with them, kept on going to my ‘explore’ tab on instagram to find all the fan sites based on them and based on this extremely good looking guy. i love his face, its sooo skinny and soft and triangular and his mouth is so small that it pouches naturally. i think this is the loneliness syndrome hitting me because im in that place where im longing to be with somebody. so to you, whom i will in the future babble none stop regarding my life journey and whining and thoughts, shall have to bear with me. its a lonnnnnngggggg story and i wish and dream for us to sit in bed and read all of my journals and diaries and tumblr posts and youtube videos and videos on my phone with hot chocolate and snacks next to our bed. of course, ill get all sweaty from all that sudden rush because i can finally share it with someone. and of course, you should know that my body reacts that way and you should know it by now, more than ever, that ive opened my heart out all for you and willing to get rid of that wall. so yeah, going back to this guy sehun, i just love how effortlessly good looking and tall and skinny and perfectly good looking (oops twice already hehe) he is. and hes kinda weird too, serious 50% of the time or blur or just really dont give a damn and 50% cheeky. but yeah. hes all about the branding tho, which i do not like. all of his airport purchases are high end products and i can see he cares for it a little bit too much, and i dont fancy that. 10points off of you sehun ahhaha. but oh well. i like having him as my ‘obsession’ right now since i dont have anybody special by my side right now to ooze over. 

second, news have it that eera msu’s mum just passed away this morning. im absolutely terrified, anything can happen. it saddens me that as we are growing older and progressing in life and venturing into a different phase of our lives, our parents are going through that phase. and that phase is certainly not infinity and certainly unpredictable. i hate that. i hate facing the fact that people die and life moves on without them. i hate having to feel that absence but since time continues on anyway, in two three years time, you dont really feel that loss as much. i hate that. i feel like a betrayer because as time moves on, you have different things that you have to juggle with and thus, you kinda forget. i hate it. i know each human is like that and i know for a fact that ill be like that but please, hidayah, please remember your loved ones that passed away every single day. please. even just for a second before bed, please remember them. and to you, my other half, please be my eternal supporter and remind me to sedekahkan alfatihah to them every day before going to bed. please, i love you and for you to show me your love, please help me do this because those people that passed away were a major part of my life, and i literally couldnt live without them. please, please. 

third. i would like to be more approachable and open to people. when i go back to malaysia, i wish to just hangout with my brother and sister during the weekends and take them out for dinners and just chill and get to know them as a person, not really as a sibling. because one you know them inside out, it automatically makes you love them unconditionally because of who they are, not because they are related to you by blood and birth. coz i love my friends and ive never had the same love for my siblings until recently. so yeah. id like to hang out with my brother more, especially because he has mellowed down and i think he has a lot of life lessons in his life. id also like to hang out with my dad more and you know at eid, id like to sit in the circle where my uncles talk and stuff. i just want to sit besides them and listen to their life stories. its interesting and where and when else can you gather those kinds of life experience? idk, i just cant wait to be back at home and be a different person, more optimistic and less judgmental.

fourth. pera’s getting married. sarah iman’s getting married. filzah and xxxxx’s getting married. migha’s otw. xxxxxx’s otw. kak norim and kak kin recently got married. im happy for everyone. im esthetic that everyone has found their other halves. i mean, marriage isnt all happy with birds singing lullabies to you. no, its about two people tolerating and loving each other more than themselves. to my other half, i hope that we can get to know each other inside out and talk till the sun goes up and just tell each other what weve been doing in the last 20-25 years alone. i know youll complete me and i know well have countless fights but please never give up on me because im really soft hearted with those i love and give in when you push the right buttons. please love me the way ill love you. never give up. never compare. accept me the way i am. support me. be happy for me. encourage me. motivate me. be kind to me. be funny to me. make me happy. and once in a while when life gets in the middle of everything and our kids are making us crazy as hell, take me out and lets have some us time. lets rekindle that love and lets remember why you chose me and why we chose each other. i have many sides of me, and im sure youll have surprisingly countless sides to your personality too (duh thats why i chose you), so please, lets embrace that and be happy together until forever. in sha allah. for allah’s sake. for he created us. 

xoxo, dayah

~more than words