#oh hey its this one again but in a flashback!!! missed you not all that more dead-eyed than usual rin.

[every-nohara-rin]

[pedrospatch]

to hell and back l two

Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist l main masterlist l next chapter

summary: After escaping a group of brutal slavers, you are left with permanent physical and emotional scars. Unwilling to put your trust in another human being ever again, you spend a year fighting for survival alone in the post outbreak world. But when you choose to save the life of a man named Joel Miller, the wall that you’ve built to protect yourself slowly begins to crumble.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. canon violence, canon language, reader has a flashback, mentions of slavers, implied threat of assault, guns, reader gets groped, reader has a panic attack, a lot of angst, trauma. soft Joel, protective Joel, and i even threw in some domestic Joel because just imagine that old man making you a nice lil late night snack. 🥹 i think i got most of the major warnings out of the way, i’m sorry if i missed anything!

Word Count: 8.7k

Smoke was coming off my jacket

and you didn’t seem to mind

I left a long trail of ashes and

you said, I like your style

California l Spring, 2023

Your hand trembled slightly as you gripped your pistol and aimed it at his chest.

You’d never pointed your gun at another human being before. At least not one that was still alive.

“Hey now, it’s alright. You can trust us.”

Anxiously, you glimpsed from the man who had just spoken to the woman who stood beside him.

Surely the two had to be related. Both possessed the same fiery red hair, a face full of freckles, and vivid green eyes. They stood before you with their weapons lowered in an attempt to show you that they weren’t a threat to your safety. 

The man, who had to be in his mid to late thirties, moved to step forward, but halted in his tracks when he caught sight of the way your finger had twitched over the trigger. “My name is Mark,” he said, carefully gesturing to himself with his free hand. In his opposite hand, he clutched his rifle, an assault style weapon that made your gun look like a fucking toy in comparison. Still, it was you who had the upper hand, at least for now. “This here is my sister. Her name is Jessa.” He paused and when you said nothing, he asked, “Can you tell us your name?”

Chewing your bottom lip, you shook your head at him in response. 

You didn’t trust them.

Not quite yet.

Jessa, who was younger and looked to be closer to your own age, offered you a kind smile. “That’s alright. You don’t have to tell us your name until you feel comfortable.” She took a look around at the small, makeshift camp that you had made for yourself. “Are you all by yourself, sweets?”

You quickly wracked your brain. 

“No,” You fibbed. “I’m with my father. He should be back any minute now. He’s armed and he does not take all too kindly to strangers, so you’d best be on your way before he sees you.” You added in a steadier tone, “He won’t even think twice. He’ll just kill you on the spot, so you better leave right now. Or else.”

Amused, Mark let out a soft chuckle. “Oh, come on now, dollface. You don’t have to lie to us,” he stated, shaking his head. “Let’s try this again and let’s be honest this time, alright? How long have you been alone?”

Your throat bobbed as you swallowed harshly. 

Fuck.

He had seen right through the bullshit threat. 

“For about three or four days now,” You admitted, your shoulders sagging in defeat. “I was with my father and my sister. The three of us were on our way up north. We were trying to get to Seattle to the quarantine zone, but then they were—”

You suddenly stopped.

It felt like someone had driven their fist right into your gut, knocking all the wind out of your lungs and hindering your ability to speak.

You couldn’t even say it out loud.

Gruesome images of them being torn apart limb from limb flashed through your mind. Bile slowly started climbing its way up your throat and your stomach churned violently.

You were going to be sick.

“Are they both dead?” Mark questioned you.

You nodded, whispering shakily, “Yes.”

Jessa frowned. “I’m so sorry for your loss, honey. If it’s any consolation, me and Mark know exactly how it feels. We lost our entire family about three years ago. It’s the hardest thing we’ve ever been through.” Swinging back her own rifle behind her, she approached you and reached out, placing her hand over yours—the one that was still clutching your weapon. She didn’t even so much as flinch at the way the barrel was now pointed at her, how it was just an inch or two away from her chest. It didn’t seem to faze her that all it would take was you bringing your index finger down a bit harder on the trigger and she would be dead. “We know you must be fucking terrified, but it’s okay. You can trust us. We’re good, honest people and we just want to help you. But we can’t do that if you try and kill us, now can we?”

Slowly, Jessa guided you to lower your gun. She then looked over her shoulder, exchanging a look with her brother, as if asking him to back her up.

“Yeah. She’s right. We just want to help you,” he repeated after her. “We aren’t going to hurt you. If we wanted to, we probably would have by now, don’t you think so?”

You let out a tiny breath you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding and loosened your iron grip on your pistol.

He did make a fair point.

Now that your gun was pointed at the ground, he could have easily killed you. And yet, he’d made no move to blow your fucking head off. 

Maybe they really were good people.

But what if they weren’t?

What if it was just a trap?

You didn’t know what to fucking think.

All you knew was that you were so helplessly lost now that your family was gone.

You were afraid.

Alone.

Jessa turned back to you. “Listen, we’re part of a settlement,” she informed you. “It’s not all too far from here, maybe six or seven miles tops. We’ve got a really big group of people and we’re always looking to bring in anyone in need. Come with us, sweets. There’s plenty of food, water, and we can you into some fresh, clean clothes too. How does that sound?” 

You momentarily hesitated, still unsure whether or not you could trust the two strangers. 

How did it sound?

It sounded too fucking good to be true.

“It’s a safe place,” Mark assured you from behind her. He could see the reluctance written all over your face. 

“It’s as safe as safe can be,” Jessa promised. She touched your arm and flashed you another smile, one that was more kind than the first—one that was so comforting it made you feel like you could actually trust her. “So? What do you say? Will you come back with us? Will you let us help you?”

You nervously bit the inside of your cheek.

Scared, starving, and exhausted, their offer for a safe haven was much too tempting to decline.

Besides, how long could you possibly survive out here all on your own?

“Alright,” You finally agreed after a moment. “I’ll come with you.”

“There’s just one condition,” Mark stated, falling into step beside his sister in front of you. “We’re going to need you to hand over your weapon.”

“What?” You stared at him. “Why?”

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s protocol,” he said, waving a hand dismissively at you. “It’s purely for safety reasons. Anyone who comes into our group must surrender their weapons. We want to be sure that we’re bringing in someone who isn’t going to be a threat to our people. We have children, so we just want to be cautious, you know?”

“I guess that does makes sense,” You admitted. 

“You’ll get it back,” Jessa reassured you. “Once you speak to the council and they determine you aren’t a threat, you’ll get your gun back. Okay?”

Left with very little choice, you agreed. “Okay.”

Mark held out his hand for the weapon.

Slowly, you placed your pistol in his open palm.

“Perfect.” Jessa chirped. “Now grab your things and let’s get going. If we hurry up, we can make it back before nightfall.”

Nodding, you turned around to grab your pack. 

The second you turned your back, the barrel of the same gun you’d just handed to Mark poked you between your shoulder blades and you froze, your blood running cold in your veins.

“Hands up, bitch,” Jessa commanded. Her warm and friendly tone had vanished. “And turn around towards me slowly. Now.”

Terrified, you did as you were told and you lifted both of your hands, turning around on the heel of your sneaker to face her.

Her expression, much like her tone, was frigid.

Hostile.

“You’re going to do exactly as I say when I say it.” She held up her rifle, aiming it at you. “And if you don’t, you fucking die. Do you understand?”

“Please,” You choked out. “Don’t—”

“Do you fucking understand?” Jessa repeated in a hiss, her finger hovering over the trigger. When she was met with a small, meek nod, she turned to look at her brother. “Cuff her.”

Mark smirked. He tucked your gun away into the waistband of his jeans and reached into his back pocket, pulling out a pair of rusted handcuffs. He walked around and stood behind you, instructing, “Hands behind your back.” Once he had both of your wrists in one hand, he used the other to slip on the cuffs, tightening them so hard that the old oxidized steel dug painfully into your skin. “She’s a pretty one,” he murmured. As soon as he made certain the cuffs were securely fastened, he put a hand on your ass, groping it roughly. “Oh, you’re going to be popular with the guys, dollface. Kind of makes me want to break you in, right here and right now—give me a few minutes with her, Jess.”

Completely paralyzed with fear, all you could do was stand there in silence as his hands continued to roam your lower body, feeling you up through your jeans. He squeezed at your inner thigh, then brushed up over your zipper.

“Mark! That’s not what she’s for, you idiot,” Jessa reminded him, rolling her eyes. “Now quit fucking around and let’s start heading back to camp.”

She whirled around and started leading the way.

Mark grinned and pressed his mouth to your ear as he whispered in cruel reassurance, “Don’t you worry, now. I’ll get my chance with you—we’re all going to our chance with you.”

He grabbed you by your upper arm and roughly shoved you forward, leading you to what would inevitably be hell on earth.

Joel leans against the tree with his arms crossed over his chest. His dark eyes are fixed intently on you, carefully observing you from where he stands, more so out of concern rather than curiosity. Something isn’t right.

It’s late in the afternoon and the two of you had been about halfway into the six hour trek down south to Jackson when Joel offered to stop for a while, just long enough for the both of you to rest and take a quick breather, find a second wind before finishing the journey—but as he continues watching you, Joel starts to realize that perhaps stopping had done you much more harm than it’s done you good. 

Just a few feet away from where he’s standing and keeping a watchful eye on you, you sit perched on top of a small, flat boulder hugging your knees up to your chest with both hands wrapped tightly around the grip of your pistol. 

You’re in a trance like state, staring straight off into the distance at nothing in particular. Your face is completely blank. Emotionless. It appears that while all the lights are on, nobody is fucking home. 

Squinting against the sunlight, Joel takes a closer look at you. He sees it so clearly, the faraway look in your eyes. 

You are gone. You’ve checked out and completely disconnected from reality. 

He would go as far as saying you’ve disconnected from this fucking planet.

You’re sinking, slowly drowning in some kind of thought or perhaps it was a memory—whatever it is that’s currently preoccupying your mind, it sure as hell isn’t anything good. He has no fucking clue how he’d managed to clock it so easily, so quickly, but Joel had sensed something was wrong the instant you’d drifted off. 

The deeper you go and the further you lose yourself, the harder your hands clutch at your grin, the thin delicate skin on your knuckles stretching taught over the bones. It’s not until Joel notices the way your chest begins to rise and fall rapidly as your breaths quicken, the way you start struggling for air, that he knows it’s time for him to intervene before you worsen and suffocate under the weight of whatever it is that’s sitting so heavily on you. 

Pushing himself away from the tree, Joel begins to approach you, taking extra care so as not to spook you into turning your pistol on him and pulling the trigger in a moment of panic. He lifts both of his hands and holds them out in front of him. Cautiously, Joel makes his way over towards where you’re sitting on the boulder, his footsteps slow and careful. 

“Hey,” he calls out to you, keeping his tone firm, but somehow still gentle as he tries to garner your attention. When you don’t even acknowledge him or his presence, he tries again, speaking a little bit louder. “Hey. S’okay. S’alright. Everythin’ is alright—come on back now.” Joel draws closer and closer to you, taking tiny step after tiny step on the steel toes of his worn, black leather boots. “S’alright, darlin’. I need you to come back to me now, okay? You ain’t where you think you are. You’re alright—”

The sound of a twig snapping underneath his boot startles you. Jumping to your feet, you aim your gun at him with shaking hands and wild, terrified eyes. 

Even as your finger trembles over the trigger, Joel remains calm. “Hey, c’mon. Take it easy. S’okay. You’re alright. Look, it’s me. It’s just me and I ain’t gonna do anythin’ to hurt you,” he swears. He shows you his empty hands, hoping that you would be able to snap out of it and realize that he isn’t a threat. That you aren’t in any kind of danger. But as you hold your weapon, chest heaving as you panic, Joel knows it doesn’t matter that his hands are empty. It doesn’t make a fucking difference. He knows it isn’t him who is standing in front of you.

It’s someone else. Whoever you were seeing standing there in his place, it’s someone who had done god knows what to you. Joel has a gut wrenching hunch it had something to do with the marks he’d seen around your wrists back at the cabin. The mere thought of it is enough to send an unpleasant chill up and down the length of his spine. 

Joel speaks again. “I ain’t gonna hurt you.” He feels the sudden urge to reach out for you, but knowing it would be unwelcome, he resists it. All he can do is try and use his words to bring you back to the present. Back to him. “Breathe. You’re safe. I need you to breathe, can you do that for me? Do you think you can breathe for me, darlin’?”

Somehow, his voice penetrates its way in through the thickness of the white fog that you’d been lost in. You had been stumbling around helplessly in it, desperately searching for a way through. Joel’s heavy, deep Southern drawl permeates the memory, causing the haunting images from that fateful day when your life had taken a sharp turn for the worst to dissolve into nothing. 

“Just breathe. Nice and slow. Inhale through your nose, then out through your mouth. Easy does it.” Joel controls his own breathing, slowing it down to demonstrate. He inhales deeply through his nose and exhales slowly through his mouth. 

You stare at him with wide eyes as you fight to get the rise and fall of your chest to match his. How the hell do you know what to do? 

Joel can practically hear your question ringing in your mind amidst the chaos. “My kid, she gets these awful nightmares sometimes. Wakes up in a panic thinkin’ she’s somewhere else, somewhere she ain’t safe. So my brother’s wife, Maria, well she was kind enough to show me what to do whenever it happens. She taught me a couple different breathin’ techniques that help soothe Ellie and calm her down. Told me it helps if I do them with her,” he explains to you. He can tell that you’re now coming out of the worst of it and that you’re finally starting to get some oxygen back into your lungs. He lowers his hands. Your pistol is still aimed at him, but Joel trusted you enough to know that you wouldn’t pull the trigger and blow his fucking head off. “C’mon, breathe. There we go. That’s it. Easy does it, now. In through your nose and out through your mouth, that’s it. That’s a good girl.” 

It takes you a good minute or two, but your breaths fall into sync with his own and before you know it, the two of you are breathing together in harmony. 

Oh. You’re not in California.

The man standing before you doesn’t have red hair and green eyes. He doesn’t have that twisted smirk on his face. He isn’t putting his hands on you. He’s not hurting you. He’s helping you. 

Swallowing dryly, you lower your weapon. Your gaze meets Joel’s and somehow you find the courage to look him in his eyes for the very first time. Even though you had turned your gun on him, he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it all. He isn’t upset or angry. The look of worry on his face has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you could have easily killed him just now. It’s as if he’d known for certain that you wouldn’t pull the trigger.

“There we go,” Joel says after another minute passes by. “You see? You’re alright. You’re safe.”

There’s comfort in his words, in his deep brown eyes.

Fuck, there’s comfort in him. 

Still. Your mind refuses to allow you to accept it.

At least, not completely. 

Averting your gaze, you shuffle your weight from one foot to the other and then back again. 

Joel clears his throat lightly. “It’s gettin’ real late,” he murmurs. “We should get a move on. We’ve still got a bit of a way to go and we really don’t wanna get ourselves caught out in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere after dark for too long, y’know?”

You give him a small nod and start to gather up your belongings. You pick up your canteen, which is now almost completely empty after you’d shared your water with him during the first leg of the hike, and shove it into one of the side pockets of your back.

“S’kinda cold,” Joel states. “And it’ll only get colder as nightfall approaches. You, uh—you warm enough in that little denim jacket?”

You shrugged a shoulder at him, not thinking anything much of the question. I’m fine. 

However, as if on cue, a chilly breeze blows its way through Wyoming’s plains, causing you to shiver.

Joel quickly shrugs out of his brown jacket. “You mind if I—?”

You toss him a confused glance. 

Do I mind if you what? 

Joel steps towards you and lifts his arms as if he’s going to put them around you. Flinching, every muscle in your entire body goes rigid and he halts. “S’alright. I’m just gonna give you my jacket, that’s all,” he assures you, his arms frozen midair. He patiently waits for a small nod of approval. Once he has it, he drapes his jacket over your shoulders and then takes several steps back, giving you your space. “Should keep you from freezin’ your ass off out here.”

As he turns around and walks over to where he had set his rifle down, you stand there somewhat stupefied over what he’d just done. Something so simple, and yet you can’t seem to wrap your fucking brain around it. 

Willing yourself to move, you carefully slide both of your arms into the sleeves of his jacket, wrapping it around your body. The scent of him, a mixture of earthy sandalwood and whatever soap he uses to wash his clothes, fills your senses and a strange, but pleasant warmth radiates throughout your chest, gradually spreading itself to the rest of your body from head to toe. 

Ignoring the feeling, you pick up your backpack along with your bow and quiver of arrows, slinging everything over your shoulders. 

Joel slings the strap of his rifle over his shoulder and turns back to you. “Ready to get goin’?”

Pistol in hand, you gesture for him to go ahead and walk in front of you, much like he’d done for the first half of the trip.

He lets out a small sigh. “Alright, I get it. Still don’t fully trust me. Well, we’ll keep workin’ on that, then.”

A couple of hours had gone by. The slanting rays of the setting sun give a warm orange tinge to the skies as late evening begins settling itself in. 

“Y’wanna know somethin’?” Joel asks, breaking the silence between you.

You look up at the back of his head, your eyes fixing themselves on his mop of thick, unkempt salt and pepper waves. Occasionally, as you’d been slowly trudging along behind Joel, you stole glimpses of the way his hair curled at the nape of his neck and brushed against the collar of his henley.

Despite the lack of a response, Joel continues to talk. “Earlier at the cabin, just when I was startin’ to come back around, I heard a woman singin’ to me. At least, it sure seemed like she was singin’ to me. It was a real pretty song too.” He glances over his shoulder at you with curiosity. “Was that you?”

You blink at him, keeping a straight face. 

“Hm, no I s’ppose it wasn’t you,” he answers his own question. He turns his attention back to the path ahead of him. “I reckon that it must have just been some sorta dream I had while I was out cold. But it sounded so vivid, y’ know? It sounded so fuckin’ real. And the strangest part of it all is that I don’t know how it’s even possible for me to dream of a voice like that,” he muses aloud. 

Oh? Unable to help yourself, you move yourself from behind Joel and fall into step beside him. Now it’s you that’s riddled with curiosity. What do you mean by that? 

Joel glances down at you. He grips the leather strap of his rifle and shrugs his shoulders. “Well, to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a voice quite like that in my whole entire life,” he tells you. He shrugs once more, his arm brushing against yours by accident. Joel half expected you to deck him for it, but much to his surprise, it doesn’t seem like his touch had bothered you. “It was too fuckin’ gorgeous. So beautiful that part of me wonders if it was someone or somethin’ out of this world.” He pauses and peered at you, detecting a slight glimmer of light in your eyes. “Felt like I had a real life angel singin’ to me.”

You feel the corners of your lips threatening to turn upwards into a smile. Turning your face away from him, it takes everything you had in you to force them back down. 

“Well look at that. You’re walkin’ right next to me,” Joel observes after a minute, raising an eyebrow. 

Your head whips back around.

“Must mean that I’m doin’ somethin’ right, huh darlin’?”

You snort and roll your eyes.

I think I liked it better when you weren’t talking.

Still, you remain at his side. 

The rest of the trek is silent.

Night had just fallen by the time that you and Joel finally made it to Jackson. The moment that you set your sights on the massive wooden gate out in the distance, your heart begins to pound, slamming against your ribcage.

The closer the both of you draw to the barrier, the easier it is for you to see the men and women who are standing on a platform on top of the gate, heavily armed as they keep watch—their lights illuminate the perimeter of the settlement and light up the velvet purple sky. 

You stop dead in your tracks. Oh fuck that.

Joel shakes his head. “S’alright. Don’t be scared.”

There’s six people standing on top of that gate armed with fucking assault rifles. And you don’t expect me to be scared? Are you for real?

“Look, things might be a little tense at first when the patrolmen see us,” he admits, raking a hand through his hair. “None of them have any idea that I’m still alive, but as soon as they see that it’s me, they’re gonna stand down. All I need is for you to stay calm and follow my lead, alright?” He nods at the pistol in your hand. “M’also gonna need for you to put your gun away and out of sight.”

You glare at him, your eyes flashing angrily in the darkness.

You said I could have my weapons on me. 

Joel holds up his hand. “I promise that I ain’t gonna let anythin’ bad happen to you, alright? I swear it on my fuckin’ life,” he vows. “You have my word. No one’s gonna hurt you. I won’t let them. Just stay calm and do as I say. Please,” he adds, a hint of desperation lacing his tone. “Y’think you can do that for me?”

Your mind is screaming, begging you to run and run fast. Instead, you find yourself reluctantly tucking your gun into the waistband of your jeans, concealing it just like Joel had asked you to do. 

“Stay behind me,” he instructs, shoving his own rifle behind him. He begins leading the way towards the gate and beckons for you to follow close. 

The second the two of you step out from the darkness and into the light, the sound of firearms cocking breaks through the silence of the night. 

“Stop right there!” A woman’s voice shouts. “Freeze! Or we’ll fucking shoot!”

“Melissa, it’s me!” Joel calls out, holding up his hands. “It’s Joel!”

“What?”

He huffs and yells again, “It’s Joel!”

“Wait a goddamn minute, everyone fucking stand down!” Melissa loudly barks the order at the five other patrol men and women who are standing on either side of her with their firearms aimed and at the ready. “Joel? Joel Miller, is that really you?” She leans her body forward over the gate and squints at him, letting out an incredulous laugh. “Well butter my fucking ass and call me a goddamn biscuit, the man is fucking alive! Quick, open up the gates! Somebody go and get Tommy! Let’s go, fucking move it people!”

Joel drops his hands, sighing in relief.

You, on the other hand, are scared shitless and wonder if it’s too late to make a run for it. 

“Remember,” he says, looking back at you. “Calm. Okay?”

You force a small, tight nod of your head. 

Okay. 

The gate’s doors pull apart and he leads you up to them and through to the other side where you and Joel are met with a frantic crowd of at least two dozen people—the obnoxious, overlapping chatter coupled with the blatant stares you’re receiving cause an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness to wash over you in a massive wave that, if you allow it, is going to drown you right there on the spot. Refusing to make eye contact with anybody, you fix your gaze on Joel, keeping it focused on the broadness of his back as more and more people circle around the both of you, caging you in with nowhere to run. 

“Joel!” Melissa elbows her way through the large crowd, rushing up to him. She grabs him by the arms, giving him a quick once over. “Holy shit! We thought you were fucking dead! I can’t fucking believe it!”

“Where’s Tommy?” Joel asks her.

“At home with Maria. Lisa went to pull him out of bed—where the hell have you been, Joel? It’s been three fucking days!”

Joel purses his lips together tightly. He can feel you inching yourself forward, trying to stand as close to him as possible as more people join the scene. The toes of your boots touch the heels of his, your chest lightly brushing against his back. While Joel doesn’t blame the people of the town for being curious, he isn’t all too fond of the way they’re staring at you—the gestures and the finger pointing, the mutters and the whispers. He doesn’t have to see you to know it’s making you uncomfortable, and his priority is to get you out of there and somewhere where you would feel safe. “Listen, it’s a real long story that I ain’t got time for right this minute. I need Tommy—”

“Miller!”

A loud, booming voice comes from behind Melissa.

It belongs to a tall, bulky blond haired man—his mere presence is intimidating, proven by how it had taken absolutely nothing for the crowd to part and make room for him to pass through. Smirking, he saunters up to Joel and remarks, “I thought you were a fucking goner.”

Joel’s jaw clenches, but he says nothing. 

The tension between the two men could be sliced with a fucking machete.

His blue eyes flit over Joel’s shoulder to you. “Well, well, well. Who is this sweet little lady?”

You step even closer to Joel, pressing yourself against his backside and taking a fistful of his shirt.

“None of your fuckin’ business, that’s who.”

Keith’s smirk widens. “Actually, as head of safety and security for this community, it fucking is my business,” he reminds him. “She infected?”

Joel raises his eyebrows. “Does she look fuckin’ infected to you?”

“You know the commune’s rules, Miller.” Without tearing his eyes away from you, Keith calls over his shoulder, “Bring out one of the hounds! Now!”

Behind him, Joel hears a small gasp.

Hounds?

Joel whirls around. “Hey, s’alright,” he says quickly before you can start to panic. “We have dogs that have been trained to sniff out the cordyceps infection. S’just gonna smell you, that’s all.”

The crowd backs away as a woman with cropped hair brings out a large black dog on a chain leash attached to a brown leather harness. Once it catches sight of you, the unfamiliar newcomer, the animal begins to bark and growl, thrashing around as it tries to lunge towards you. The dog tugs and pulls at his leash so violently that he nearly knocks his handler over. The woman unclips the leash and sets the dog free—it approaches you, snarling and baring its teeth. 

You start to back away, but Joel stops you.

“Relax,” he mutters to you under his breath. He moves to stand beside you and holds out his hand, offering it in an attempt to comfort you and ease the fear. He hadn’t expected you to accept it, so when you place your hand in his and lace your fingers with his own, he’s taken by complete surprise. 

You squeeze his rough, calloused fingers as the dog comes closer towards you. Nervously, you hold your other hand out to it, prompting it to snap at you, its teeth snapping together. Somehow, you muster enough courage to hold your hand steady and the animal growls, but then gives it a sniff. When it doesn’t detect what it’s searching for, the dog happily wags his tail and gives your hand a friendly lick before running back over to its handler who puts the animal back on the leash. 

You breathe out in relief. 

“There,” Joel snaps at Keith. “You satisfied?”

Keith clicks his tongue. “Almost,” he drawls. He walks over to you, another smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. “What’s your name, dollface?”

Your stomach drops at the nickname. Looking down at the dirt, you don’t reply.

“Aw, she’s shy! Well isn’t that just adorable.” Keith lets out a raspy laugh, causing a couple of the onlookers to laugh along with him. “What’s the matter, sweetie pie? Hm? Cat got your tongue?”

Joel drops your hand, his nostrils flaring. “Back off asshole or else—”

Ignoring him, the blond patrolman eyes the weapon hanging on your shoulder. “That’s a really nice bow you’ve got there,” Keith states, cutting off Joel’s threat. “But we do have rules here. Newcomers have to surrender their weapons so they can be stored away securely. We don’t know you and until we can know for sure you won’t be a threat to the people of this town, you’re going to have to surrender that bow along with all other weapons you’re carrying.” Keith lowers his voice as he adds, “And I would advise you not to try and hide anything because I’m going to be the one to pat you down—and I’ll be thorough. I don’t take all too kindly to liars, so keep that in mind.”

“You just threaten her in front of me?” Trying his hardest not to cause a scene with so many people watching the three of you, Joel keeps his voice low and quiet—but the sharp, dangerous edge to his tone can’t be missed. 

“Of course I didn’t,” Keith responds, innocently. “All I was doing was letting her know how we work around here in Jackson. We’ve been operating the town the same way for years now for a good reason. The rules we set in place apply to any and all newcomers, regardless of who they came here with.” He holds out his hands to you. “Surrender all of your weapons to me. Now.”

Shaking your head, you take a step back. This was not what you’d agreed to. This wasn’t the promise that Joel had made you back at the cabin. 

Joel glares at him. “She ain’t surrenderin’ a goddamn thing—”

It’s too late.

Keith steps towards you and goes for the bow. As his hand shoots out to take it from your shoulder, you quickly turn your body and swiftly dodge it. He feels his face burn with red hot anger as several onlookers gasp at your act of rebelliousness. Furious, Keith reaches for you again and grabs you, taking the upper part of your arm in a harsh grip that makes you squeak out in pain. 

You lift your opposite arm and swing a curled fist up towards his face, but he catches your wrist in his other hand before it can connect with his jawline. 

Joel!

You try to say his name, but you fucking can’t. 

Your mouth opens and nothing comes out. For as hard you push and try to force it, you can’t find your voice. Instead, all that falls from your lips is a pathetic, strangled little cry. You yank and pull, struggling as you try to tear yourself out of Keith’s grasp. 

Livid, Joel nearly goes fucking blind with rage. He snatches Keith by the collar of his leather jacket, ripping him away from you. Though he’s still sore as from the fall off of his horse three days ago, he uses every ounce of strength he has left in him to throw him down into the dirt at the feet of a fellow patrolman named Wyatt. “Don’t. Fuckin’. Touch. Her.” He barely manages to bite out the words through gritted teeth. “Ever.”

Wyatt helps him up to his feet. “You alright, man?”

“Get the fuck off me!” Keith snarls, pushing him away. His chest is heaving and his face turns a deep shade of red. Whether it’s because he’s embarrassed or if it’s because he’s angry, no one can quite tell the difference. One thing is for damn sure, he isn’t used to someone going against his authority and everyone watching holds their breath, waiting to see what he’s going to do next. After all, the man going against him happened to be their leader’s brother in law. “What the fuck is your goddamn problem, Miller? It’s protocol—”

“Not today it ain’t.”

Keith approaches him, his hands curled into tight fists at his sides. He stands so close that the two of them are chest to chest, ready to tear each other to shreds. “Do you think just because your fucking brother is second in command, you can just do as you please? Is that it?” He questions, bitterly. “It doesn’t fucking work like that. We have rules set in place for a reason, Joel. We are going to do this by the fucking book whether your little girlfriend here likes it or not, got it?”

Stepping around him, he starts towards you but Joel is quick to block his path. He stands in front of you and squares his shoulders.

He speaks, his voice dangerously low. “You listen and you listen good. If you even so much as think about layin’ another fuckin’ finger on her, I’ll make sure you spend the rest of tonight pickin’ up your teeth off the ground. You understand me?”

“That a threat?”

“It ain’t a threat. It’s a fuckin’ promise.”

Keith pulls his arm back and he’s about ready to take a swing when he’s stopped by the sound of Tommy Miller’s frantic voice. 

“Joel! Where is he—where the fuck is Joel?”

The much younger, raven haired man approaches the scene, shrugging a blue denim jacket over his cotton white t-shirt. The instant that he spots Joel, he runs up to him and throws his arms around his shoulders. “Fuckin’ Christ, I thought I fuckin’ lost you out there! What the hell happened?”

“Where’s Ellie?” Joel demands. “She okay?”

“She’s fast asleep at my place with Maria and the baby. She’s been with us this entire time.”

Joel’s shoulders sag in relief.

Tommy looks around, frowning. “What’s going on? What’s everyone doin’ out here?” He then sees you and raises his eyebrows at his older brother. “Joel? Who’s that?”

“Look, I’ll explain everything, can we just—can we talk in private?”

Although he’s confused, Tommy nods. 

“Of course. C’mon, let’s go back to my place.”

“Well I’ll be damned,” Tommy states as soon as Joel had finished recounting the story—well, what he could remember, anyway. It wasn’t much.

You’re sitting beside Joel across the table from Tommy and Maria in the kitchen of their home. All three of them speak in quiet, hushed voices so as not to wake Ellie and Samuel, Tommy and Maria’s infant son. Maria had offered to go upstairs to pull Ellie out of bed so that she and Joel could reunite, but when Tommy mentioned tonight had been the first night since Joel had gone missing three days ago that she had finally managed to fall asleep, everyone agreed it would be best to wait until the morning. 

“So, she saved your life,” Tommy concludes. His brown eyes, even darker than those of his older brother, flicker over to you once again. You sit there in complete silence, staring at the top of the wooden table, refusing to meet his gaze—or that of his wife. 

Joel nods. “She did, Tommy. I don’t fuckin’ know how, but what I do know is that if it wasn’t for her, then I wouldn’t be sittin’ here at this table right now.”

You shuffle uncomfortably in your chair. Though the couple had been kind to you, it didn’t make it any easier when they stared at you like you had a second head. 

“She saved your life and you don’t even know her name?” Tommy’s in complete disbelief.

“No. She doesn’t talk.”

Maria hums. “I have an idea. Let me find her a notepad or something to write on,” she suggests after a minute. She stands up, wrapping her cotton blue robe around herself, concealing her pajamas as she walks over to the kitchen counter. It takes her a bit of digging around, but in one of her junk drawers, she finds a pen and a small notepad. She makes her way back over to the table and sets the items down in front of you. “Can you write down your name for us?”

You don’t move a single muscle.

“It’s okay, honey. Just write down your name—”

“Best we don’t push her too much,” Joel warns her, holding out his hand to stop her from coming too close into your space.

You glance up at him, your lips parting slightly.

“Don’t worry,” he tells you. “You ain’t gotta tell us anythin’ until you’re good and ready. Alright?”

Tommy clears his throat. “Joel? Can me and you have a quick word in private please?”

Your heart skips an anxious beat.

No, wait! Please don’t leave me.

Less than eight hours ago, you’d been wary of this man, unable to fully trust him. Now, just the mere thought of him leaving your side puts you on edge.

“S’fine, we’re just gonna be out in the hallway,” he assures you. “It’ll only be for a minute or two.”

Realizing you didn’t want to be left alone with her, Maria jabs a thumb over her shoulder towards the gas powered stove. “I’m going to make myself a hot cup of chamomile tea. I can boil water for an extra mug if you’d like some?” she offers, warmly.

You’d turned down food and water already, much too afraid to accept anything from her. However, a warm drink did sound tempting and truth be told, Maria did seem like a nice woman. She’s Joel’s family—maybe it wouldn’t hurt to at the very least try and trust her too. 

Finally, you nod your head.

“Great,” Maria smiles, looking pleased. “I think it’ll do you some good. Chamomile is very soothing. It helps me relax—something that’s hard to do when you have a fussy six month old,” she kids as she whirls around and goes about preparing the tea. 

After making certain that you’ll be fine without him, Joel follows Tommy out into the hallway. 

“Joel, what were you thinkin’ bringing her here?”

“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”

Tommy sighs. “We need to be careful about who we bring into Jackson—”

“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me right now? You worried about this girl bein’ a threat?” Joel stares at him in complete shock. “You serious, Tommy?”

“For all we know, she could be a threat. She didn’t want to give up her weapons, Joel! She even took a swing at Keith!” He hisses. “And she did it in front of a fuckin’ crowd!”

“He put his fuckin’ hands on her—”

“She didn’t cooperate, Joel. You know damn good and well what happens when someone isn’t willin’ to cooperate with the rules. It leads to nothin’ but trouble and you know it as well as I do,” Tommy says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Her first impression here wasn’t a good one. And to make matters a whole lot worse, we don’t know anythin’ about her. It’s a risk takin’ her into the community.”

Joel can’t even believe what he’s hearing. 

“So you’d rather I just left her out there alone?”

“Look Joel, we don’t know what she’s capable of,” Tommy reminds him, quietly. “If she’s managed to survive out there all on her own for this fuckin’ long, then who the hell knows what she’s done or what kind of blood is on her hands—you might be thinkin’ that she’s some helpless little victim, but maybe she’s not. Hell, we’ll never know because the girl can’t fuckin’ talk. Or maybe she just won’t talk. Either way, we’re runnin’ a huge risk by takin’ her in without knowin’ who the hell she is or where she came from.”

Joel glares at him. “Listen here, whether she can’t talk or just won’t talk, that doesn’t fuckin’ matter,” he says. He pauses briefly, long enough to take a peek back into the kitchen where you’re still sitting at the table. After she’d finished making the tea, Maria took the two steaming mugs and sat down in the chair beside you. She’s now trying almost desperately to get you to write down your name on the notepad. He immediately notices the way that you’d started wringing your hands together anxiously in your lap and he knows you’re debating in your mind whether or not you should reveal your identity to the stranger. He turns back to his brother with a frown. “She ain’t a helpless victim. She’s a survivor. She saved my fuckin’ life out there, Tommy. If it weren’t for her, I would be dead right now.”

“And where is she gonna stay?”

“With me and Ellie, of course.”

Tommy almost laughs. “Wait. You’re gonna be in charge of her? Someone who won’t fuckin’ talk to you? Whose name you don’t even know? Are you serious?”

Joel doesn’t even think twice about it. “Yeah.”

“Look Joel, I know you can be kind of a fuckin’ dumbass, but you can’t possibly be this goddamn dumb, big brother. Think ‘bout it—”

“I already have thought about it. She’s stayin’ with me.” Joel shrugs. “I know it ain’t gonna be easy, but maybe I can get her to trust me enough to talk to me.”

Tommy raises an eyebrow at him. “You really think she can talk and she’s just choosin’ not to?”

“I think she wants to talk, but she can’t. She’s too scared right now. But if I can get her to really trust me—”

“That girl ain’t gonna fuckin’ trust you, Joel.”

“She trusted me enough to come to Jackson,” he says, fiercely. “That has to mean somethin’, I just know it does.”

Tommy exhales a long and heavy sigh. He already knew just how fucking stubborn his brother could be. There’s no changing Joel’s mind once it was made up. 

Maria steps out into the hallway. “No luck,” she tells them, shaking her head lightly. “I can’t even begin to imagine what she’s been through. If she’s too terrified to even give us her name—”

“It must’ve been somethin’ real bad,” Joel finishes for her. He places his hands on his hips. “I think I might have some idea of what happened to her.”

“What do you mean?” she asks. 

Joel lowers his voice as he briefly tells Tommy and Maria about the scars he’d seen around your wrist. “Like she’s been in handcuffs or somethin’,” he murmurs. “Think it could’ve been FEDRA?”

“Possibly.” Maria thinks it over for a moment. “There’s also a good possibility that she’s been a prisoner in a slave camp.”

Slavers.

Joel’s stomach churns at the thought of it. He’d heard about those kinds of groups, about the cruel and inhumane things they did to their prisoners. 

He fucking hoped that wasn’t it. But something in his gut told him not to be so goddamn naive. 

“Listen, we feel for the girl, Joel. We do,” Tommy admits. “And we’re willin’ to give her some time to adjust, same as we did with you and with Ellie—same as we do with all newcomers. But regardless of what she’s been through, she’s still gonna need to pull her weight around here, just like the rest of us. She’s expected to take on work duty just like everybody else. It’ll be hard findin’ the right job for her if she’s not gonna talk to anyone so the sooner you can get her to break her silence, the better it’ll be,” he advises. He points a finger at his brother. “From this point on, she’s your responsibility.”

“I can handle it, Tommy.”

“For your sake, I really hope you can.”

“Good to know you’ve got faith in me,” Joel makes the sarcastic comment under his breath, but he’s certain Tommy had heard it. “It’s gettin’ pretty late now. She’s exhausted and so am I. M’gonna take her back to my place and get her settled in for the night.”

“What ‘bout Ellie?”

“Best she just stays here with you two tonight. As soon as she’s up in the mornin’, you can bring her on over to mine if that’s alright with you and Maria?”

Tommy nods. “You got it, brother.”

“Besides, I figure it’ll give me a bit of extra time to think of how I’m gonna explain everythin’ to her.” Joel suddenly realizes that he hadn’t given much thought about how he was going to tell Ellie about you—how he was going to explain your condition to her and how you’d be sharing a roof with them from this point on. 

Tommy chuckles. “Yeah, good luck with that one.”

Rolling his eyes, Joel roughly shoves past him and back into the kitchen. 

You hadn’t drank the tea Maria had made you, but you’d wrapped your hands around the ceramic red mug to warm them up. 

“C’mon,” he beckons to you with his hand. “Let’s go. M’gonna take you home now.”

Home. 

The word rinds oddly in your ears.

You stand up from the table.

“Wait.” Maria picks up the notepad and pen, handing them over to you. “Here. Take these with you. Just in case you decide you want to use them.”

Joel pushes through the front door, switching on the lights in the foyer of his home before stepping aside to let you in. He watches as you stand there at the door looking rather apprehensive. “It’s okay, darlin’. S’just me and you here tonight.”

Carefully, you step over the threshold. When was the last time you’d even set foot in an actual house? One with running water and electricity?

You couldn’t remember.

Joel shuts the front door behind you and locks it. “Let’s go upstairs.” He gestures for you to follow him up the cherrywood staircase. “It’s pretty late, so I’ll show you the rest of the house tomorrow in the mornin’,” he promises you over his shoulder. At the top of the staircase, Joel switches on more lights that illuminate a short hallway. He points to a door at the end of it, stating, “That one there at the end, that’s mine. This one here is Ellie’s. We also have a third spare, it’s right across from her.” He nods with his head towards the door of the bedroom he’d been referring to. “Go on. Open it up and check it out for yourself.”

You want me to open the door?

Seeing your expression, Joel chuckles. “Go on. It’s alright. There’s nothin’ bad in there. I promise.”

You momentarily hesitate. Fingers trembling, you reach out and grasp the brass door knob, slowly turning it and pushing the door open. You peek inside and flip the light switch next to the door frame.

You gasp. Holy shit, is this fucking real?

The spare bedroom is fully furnished with light oakwood furniture—a dresser up against one wall, a desk nestled in the corner, and two nightstands on either side of the most comfortable, full sized bed that you’d ever seen. The décor is minimal, but whoever had occupied the space before had a clear adoration for simple, warm, earthy tones. You nearly smile at the shades of mud brown, forest green, and autumn orange. Setting your things down on the hardwood floor, you make your way over to the bed and sit down, planting your hands firmly on either side of you. You relish in the softness of the cream colored duvet comforter. 

“I’m guessin’ you like it.” Joel can’t help but grin a little. “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna go see if I can get you one of my shirts or somethin’ that you can sleep in. Make yourself comfortable.” He spins around on the heel of his boot, disappearing into the hallway. 

Unable to resist, you lay back onto the bed. Your body sinks into it, melting right into the mattress. It feels like a fucking cloud. 

Joel reappears in the room just seconds later. “I can see you took what I said about makin’ yourself comfortable quite literally.” His voice causes you to shoot back up into a sitting position. Joel stands there at the door holding a long sleeved, navy and white flannel shirt in one hand—in the other, he’d been holding a gray hooded sweatshirt and from his arm swings a brown canvas tote bag. “Not too sure what you would prefer to sleep in. I figured you might want somethin’ on the warmer side. Here’s a couple options to choose from. I’ve also got t-shirts if you’d rather sleep in one of those.”

Standing up from the bed, you walk over to him and he holds out the articles of clothing for you to see better. It’s his flannel you gravitate to the most. Taking it from him, you run your fingers over the fabric.

“I can throw your clothes in the washing machine for you first thing tomorrow so they’ll be clean by the time you wake up,” he adds.

You breath out shakily.

A fucking washing machine.

“Overwhelming, ain’t it?”Joel drapes the hooded sweatshirt over a nearby chair, deciding to leave it for you as well. “Trust me, I get it. I felt the same when I first got here with Ellie. It took a lot of time for the both of us to adjust to this new way of life after being out there for so long,” he confesses to you. “The important thing is to take it one step at a time, darlin’. And somethin’ is tellin’ me the next step for you is probably takin’ a nice hot shower?”

Your mouth falls open. A hot shower? Hot?

“You’ll have to share a bathroom with Ellie.” Joel leads you out of the bedroom and to another door adjacent to yours. He shows you the bathroom, telling you which knob in the shower was for hot water and which one was for cold water. “You can use Ellie’s shampoo, m’sure she won’t mind. I’d offer you some of my own, but I don’t think you’ll wanna walk around smellin’ like sandalwood and spice.” Joel hands you the canvas bag he’d had draped over his arm. “Here. Should be pretty much everythin’ you’re gonna need. There’s a bar of soap, a couple clean washcloths, a toothbrush, and a tube of toothpaste. There’s also a razor.” He pauses. “It’s a men’s razor, one of mine I’ve never used, but I reckon it does the job just the same as a woman’s razor.”

Amused, you quirk an eyebrow at him. What the hell are you trying to say? That I need to shave?

“Not that you have to use it,” he adds quickly, his cheeks burning bright red at what you thought he had been insinuating. He shifts awkwardly from boot to boot. “I tossed it in there just in case you’d want to, but you ain’t gotta use it, that’s not what I meant at all—”

Deciding you don’t want to see him squirm, you lift a hand up to stop him and shake your head.

Truth be told, you actually couldn’t fucking wait to shave your legs.

Calm down, cowboy. It’s all good.

Realizing he hadn’t offended you, Joel relaxes. “I’ll let you get to your shower. You take as long as you want, but just try and leave some hot water for me since I’m next,” he chuckles. “As soon as we both get all cleaned up, we can meet downstairs in the kitchen for a quick bite to eat before bed. Deal?”

Deal.

He’s about to leave you to it when you stop him, grabbing his arm. Wait a second, Joel.

Joel’s eyes meet yours. “Yeah?”

Thank you.

Your gratitude might have been silent, but it was there and he knew it. 

Feeling brave, Joel reaches up and places his hand over yours for a moment, his thumb brushing against the softness of your skin. “No need to thank me, sweetheart.” 

Letting his hand drop away from yours, Joel then turns and leaves the bathroom, closing the door behind him to give you your privacy. 

Once you have the hot water running, you kick off your boots and start to peel off your clothes, tossing them into a pile on the floor near the door. Completely naked, you turn your back towards the oval shaped mirror hanging over the bathroom sink, unwilling to take a look at the scars on your body—painful reminders of the cruel punishments you’d endured during your time in captivity. 

You grab the toiletries from the tote bag Joel had given you and set them on the side of the tub. Pulling the yellow floral curtain aside, you step into the shower and position yourself directly underneath the scalding hot water, letting it burn your skin to give you an entirely different kind of pain to think about, even if it was just for a minute until your body adjusted to the temperature of the water and it no longer hurt. 

You begin washing yourself, trying your hardest to keep from crumbling. But you couldn’t. Lump in your throat and a tightness in your chest, tears brim your eyes, ready to fall. 

You’re willing to let them. 

Two years. For almost two fucking years, you had been suppressing your emotions. You’d been in a constant survival mode, there had been no time to feel anything. And now here you were, standing in a fucking shower with all the freedom in the world to just let it all out. 

Silent sobs wrack your body, bringing you down onto your knees. 

Joel’s shower had been a quick one.

You hadn’t left him very much hot water—but he couldn’t even be mad about it.

He pulls on a pair of light gray sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He haphazardly dries off his hair and makes his way downstairs, knowing you would be heading down there any minute now to meet him like you’d agreed. Without much time to make a proper meal for you to eat, Joel goes about the dimly lit kitchen and prepares a couple of cold turkey sandwiches. He’d just plated them and set them on the table when the soft padding of bare feet on the hardwood floor prompts him to look up. 

His breath catches in his throat. You stand there in the doorway wearing nothing but his flannel shirt. The hem of it falls to the middle of your thighs, and it takes everything in him not to think about the fact that you weren’t wearing anything under his shirt. His fucking shirt.

Clearing his throat lightly, he makes sure not to let his gaze wander where it’s not supposed to. “I bet you feel a lot better, don’t you?”

You sigh softly. Oh, you have no fucking idea.

Noticing you’re holding your hands behind your back, Joel shoots you a puzzled look. “What’cha got there?”

You bring your arms forward. Clutched in your hands is the notepad and pen that Maria had given you.

Although he takes it as a sign that you are willing to communicate with him, Joel knows better than to get too far ahead of himself. He’d wait until you were ready to make the first move and he’d follow your lead. “I made you a sandwich to eat,” he tells you, pulling out a chair at the table. “C’mon, come have a seat.”

After you sit down, Joel goes over to the sink and fills two glasses of water, one for you and one for himself. Setting them down on the table, he finally takes a seat across from you—that’s when he notices the redness in your eyes. You’d been crying. Even though he wants to ask you if you’re alright, Joel decides against it for the time being and the two of you eat in comfortable, tranquil silence.

“I can make you another one if you’re still hungry,” Joel offers when you polish off the last couple bites of your sandwich. 

Shaking your head, you place your hands on your belly signaling that you’re full. You’re not, though. You’d eagerly scarf another three of them down if you could, but you were a lot more exhausted than you were hungry and you couldn’t wait to crawl into that bed upstairs and get some sleep.. 

Joel studies you. “You okay, darlin’?”

You shrug. This has just been a lot to process.

“I know it’s gonna be tough for you. It’s like I told you earlier, it’s gonna take some time to adjust to your new life here in Jackson. But I need you to know you ain’t alone anymore. I’m gonna be here to look out for you. And trust me, I know you don’t really need me to.” Joel pauses and shoots you a crooked little grin. “Hell, you took a swing at Keith. You’ve got bigger fuckin’ balls than half of the men in this town. Includin’ myself.”

You let out a huff of amusement from your nose and the corners of your mouth tug into a small smile—you don’t try to force it down. 

Joel blurts the words before he can even think to stop himself. “You’ve got a real nice smile, y’know.”

Biting down on your bottom lip, you move your empty plate off to the side and grab your pen and notepad. You swiftly scribble something onto the blank page, then slide it across the table to Joel. 

He picks it up, an odd sensation fluttering inside his chest when he realizes what you had done.

You’d written down your name for him.

He says it out loud, and then looks up at you.

“That’s a real beautiful name.” Sincerity drips from his tone, going hand in hand with his compliment.

Cheeks burning, you glance down at your hands, which you’d begun wringing together on top of the table. It was out of nervousness, but this kind was different. You couldn’t quite explain it. 

“I know it’s gonna take a whole lot more than a hot shower and a sandwich to get you to trust me. But I swear that I’m gonna do whatever I can to show you that you ain’t got anythin’ to be afraid of. Not with me around. Okay?”

Okay. 

You open your mouth, trying to repeat the word back to him. 

Joel’s eyes widen slightly. You wanted to talk to him—you were actually trying to talk to him. But it was a clear struggle. Something wasn’t letting you find your voice. 

Clamping your mouth shut, you sigh and sink back into your chair. I’m sorry. I can’t.

“It’s okay,” he says, softly. “We’re gonna take this one step at a time. Together.”

[dark-frosted-heart]

Secret Acting Instruction - Keith Howell

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this

nsfw, minors dni

Emma: Prince Keith, you did well on your performance today. Cheer!

Alter!Keith: Cheers.

The light clinking of glasses resounds and Emma, who sat beside me on the sofa, takes a sip of the clear alcohol.

By the way her eyes widened, she thought it was good.

(I didn’t expect Emma to throw an after party)

I followed Emma’s lead and took a sip from my glass; the subtle sweetness spread throughout my weary body.

Emma: By the way, you were really cool.

Alter!Keith: Yeah, yeah, thank you. Think I heard that 100 times before getting back to my room.

Emma: Saying it 100 times isn’t even enough. Unlike last year’s performance, this one was about friendship and I thought you were a really great fit for your role. I’d read the original work multiple times, so I could imagine you in that role… But you were so much better than I could’ve imagined…*sigh* I should’ve asked for an artist to paint you.

Emma’s eyes lit up like the sun as she continued.

(Not a bad reaction. If I didn’t get into it, then there wouldn’t’ have been a point in going through all that trouble)

After Emma and “that guy’s” first performance thanks to their favorite author, the director unexpectedly took a liking to them and a second offer came.

Initially, I thought about rejecting it for “that guy” since he’s a pushover, but ended up changing my mind and so here I am now.

Alter!Keith: You looked pretty good too.

Emma: This time I was just a fill-in for a side character though?

Alter!Keith: Don’t be so modest, Miss side character who loves me so much. You almost changed the genre with that look of love on your face.

Emma: Uh…

It looked like she was aware of the fact, given how she looked away, ears red.

(It was a pretty realistic performance—)

~~ Flashback ~~

This time the performance was the classic story about rewarding the good and punishing evil where my character and his partner infiltrated an evil organization, exposed its injustice, and rescued the weak.

Emma played a low-level grunt of the organization, an upstanding “young man” who was the first to become an ally during the infiltration.

There was a scene depicting the beginnings of conflict within the organization.  

Emma: ‘Please wait! Your clothes are a mess.’

Alter!Keith: ‘Oh, it was quite the fight back there.’

Emma: ‘Are you hurt?’

Alter!Keith: ‘Getting hurt by those kinds of people would be such an embarrassment that I wouldn’t be able to sleep.’ ‘That aside, are you sure you want to follow me?’ ‘It seems I was mistaken for a traitor.’ ‘A weakling like you will die if you stick with me.’

Emma: ‘...I know. But I still want to.’ ‘Even if the path I’ll walk with you is harsh and full of thorns.’ ‘Even if corpses pile up behind you.’ ‘I will follow you for the rest of my life.’

Alter!Keith: …Stay in character.*

Emma: !!!

~~ End flashback ~~

Emma: Please let me explain. …I was captivated by your flashy action scene that came before.

Alter!Keith: So?

Emma: I forgot I was acting and fell in love.

Alter!Keith: Quite the adorable excuse.

Emma: A-at any rate, I didn’t expect you to take on another acting job! You could’ve refused. Did you perhaps fall in love with the stage…?

I shrugged as Emma blatantly switched topics.

Alter!Keith: As someone who loves me, do you think so?

Emma: …No.

Alter!Keith: Good answer.

Emma: Then why…

Alter!Keith: It’s thanks to you knowing the original story and helping me rehearse that I was able to put on my best performance. It was refreshing being instructed for once. Yeah, I probably liked that.

Emma: …You’re hiding something.

Alter!Keith: And you’re not?

(I’m not nice enough to tell you everything)

Unconvinced, Emma kept her eyes on me.

“I want to know” was written all over her face, and I knew she wasn’t going to give up until I told her.

(If that’s the case—)

Alter!Keith: Hey, let’s do it again.

Emma: Do wha—...Mnn.

I set the glass down on the table and kissed Emma.

I took her glass, placed it next to mine, and pushed her down onto the sofa.

Alter!Keith: Acting instructions. Want me to be wicked? Or do you want me to be nice? I’ll act however you want.

Emma: It seems like there’s a different goal in mind…!

Alter!Keith: Don’t worry about it. Come on, tell me.

I squeezed her breasts through her blouse like I usually do.

When I purposely pressed against a sensitive spot, Emma, whose eyes were shining with innocence just a moment ago, now exuded a sensual aura sweeter than nectar.

(You’re just as much of a pushover)

I continued playing with her chest while ignoring how she was rubbing her legs together.

Emma: …off.

Alter!Keith: Hm? Didn’t catch that.

Emma: …Clothes…off.

Alter!Keith: Is that your first instruction?

She nodded, face even more flushed than it was on stage.

Following her “instruction”, I stripped her, revealing perky nipples.

Alter!Keith: Next?

Emma: …Do I have to say it?

Alter!Keith: Of course. You’re giving me acting instructions, aren’t you?

Emma’s face grew redder as I kept staring at her nipples.

(This is why I can’t stop acting wicked)

Emma: Do what you usually do…

Alter!Keith: Be more specific.

Emma: …Please rub them with your hands.

Alter!Keith: Like this?

I asked as I gently traced around her nipples.

Alter!Keith: I’m rubbing them like you asked.

Emma: Here…

She took my hands and brought them to her peaks.

I smirked when I noticed her shaky fingers.

(You’re so easy to read)

Emma: …

When I gently rubbed where she wanted me to with my fingers, Emma’s brows furrowed in frustration.

She still wasn’t satisfied.

Alter!Keith: You were better at instructing than this. Be serious.

Emma: Then…I’ll tell you the most important thing.

Emma sighed wistfully and then grabbed my cheeks before kissing softly.

Emma: I…don’t like you playing a role. I like you as you are.

Alter!Keith: Meaning?

Emma: During times like this, just like you…I want to be loved with genuine feelings, not with acting.

(...I see.)

It was like there was a tight grip on my heart as she looked at me pleadingly.

(Definitely “serious”)

Alter!Keith: Isn’t it also because you’re too embarrassed to say more?

Emma: …There’s that too.

Alter!Keith: It’s good to be honest.

(I’ll stop being mean)

Emma: Huh…Ah…Nnn

I captured a nipple in my mouth and rolled it around with my tongue like she wanted me to.

At the same time, a hand traveled up her leg to her wet core.

Emma: So…sudden—

Alter!Keith: You told me to do what I wanted. No taking it back now.

Her hips jerked as I rubbed along her slit.

My fingers grew wetter with her slick and as Emma fell into pleasure, she seemed to forget I was avoiding something.

Emma: Aaahhh…

While I slowly fingered her, I thought back to the book the performance was based on.

When we got the second offer, both the other guy and I realized that it was based on a book Emma loved.

(The original work was Emma’s favorite, and she’d often recommend the other guy as the cool lead)

(If it became a play…)

(You might’ve called whoever played the lead “cool”)

(Would you have?)

I pulled my fingers out, released her nipple, and pressed down against her.

(You can only call us “cool”)

I thrusted into her and when I brushed her hair away from her face, regardless if she’s on stage or on this sofa, love was written all over her face.

*Here, Emma used the wrong personal pronoun for her line. She said ‘watashi wa’ (her pronoun) and then Alter!Keith reminds her that it’s ‘boku wa’ (character’s pronoun).

[calculatorloser]

tags: mention of death, loss of loved one, grief, suffering, dead gojo x widow reader, f!reader, hurt reader y/i means ‘your initial’

After a 14hr long flight. You’ve finally reached your destination. Paris. It was snowing a truly beautiful sight tho it rarely snowed. Flagging down the nearest taxi while you made your way to Pont des Arts.

“Going to put a lock on the bridge with your lover mam?” the driver asks.

“no” you smiled softly.

The driver could sense the tensed atmosphere filled with grief and suffering so he decided to not question further.

“we’re here”

“thank you”

Crossing the bridge with its fences covered in symbols of loves. Promises to each other to stay together forever. ‘This is going to take forever’ You thought. Examining closely finding a particular blue lock with the initials G and y/i. After carefully scrutinising the fence, you finally found it.

“Thank God” you muttered.

Squatting down as you held the lock. It’s still there. Before leaving you thought of staying for awhile since you made the effort to come here. Admiring the Seine river while a couple made their way to the fence. You watched the adoring couple as they locked their lock and threw the key into the river. You remembered your first time here. Doing the same thing with Gojo.

“Let’s lock it here” Gojo says while locking the newly bought lock on an empty spot. Letting out a giggle as you watched him finish his task.

“Do you want to do the honours of throwing the key?”

“Alright” you gave the key a light kiss before tossing it to God knows where. The both of y’all watched as the sun set.

“Now if you ever want to leave me you’ll have to jump into the river and find the key good luck trying to do that” he says. You giggle at his statement. There was silence between the both of you for awhile before he spoke.

“You think people ever regret their decision and actually jump into the river to retrieve the key?”

“Maybe” you whisper. You didn’t know the answer to the question. Has anyone ever done that? “Who knows”

“Not us tho” he says. As your flashback came to an end.

“Please just let me see Satoru again.” A tear escaped as you wiped your cheek. Tossing a coin into the river. Memories flooding in. ‘I better go’ you thought. Swiftly turning back to hide your puffy eyes. Until you knocked a tall figure.

“Oh my goodness i’m so sorry” you mutter embarrassed by your clumsiness. You looked up to apologise but stopped. He was smiling. A face all too familiar for you to recognise. Snowy white hair, Blue eyes and pale skin. It can’t be right? Shoko pronounced him dead. His body was in a state that was way beyond repair not even reversed curse energy could fix.

“Sa-Satoru?!” Staring with disbelief

“Miss me?” he asks.

“Satoru!” you cry out. “How??! or Wha-?!” Words barely able to come out from your mouth While you pulled Gojo in for a tight hug. Tears streaming uncontrollably while you nuzzled deeper into his body.

“Shh hey it’s okay” he coos. Wiping stray strands of your hair away from your face.

“I missed you so much where have you been?” you ask.

His gaze softens. “I’m so sorry y/n. But i’m a ghost.. i cant come back to life”

“That’s okay..” You say. “I’m just glad i can see you again for one last time” Your grip around him tightening.

“Promise me you’ll be alright without me”

“I cant Satoru. Please don’t leave me” “I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t want to be alone. Not without you.”

He stayed silent. Face unable to react. “You’ll be alright” “I’ll be with you whenever” Eyes reddening with tears threatening to spill hearing your cries. He couldn’t stand seeing you like this. “I love you baby but i gotta go” he says placing a kiss on your forehead.

“No!” You cry out. Clutching onto him harder preventing whatever was coming from taking him away from you. However, your attempts were futile and the next thing you knew the tall figure was no where to be found.

“no…” Tears streaming once again. As you’re all alone. Atmosphere was cold and it was freezing. You woke up in a hotel room head spinning as you had no recollection on how you ended up here. You went down to the receptionist to get clues and they said the room was already paid for by a man with white hair. And the duration of the booking was for 3 days. You were stunned. ‘That’s odd’ you thought. You thanked the receptionist and returned to your room. You noticed a black blindfold and a flight ticket back to tokyo in 3 days on the bedside table. You gasp as a smile formed on your face.

“Thank you Satoru!” You cry out in hopes that he can hear you. You could feel his smile shining upon you as you held the blindfold closer to you.

[heyidkyay]

I guess I'll take this pain, instead of your name | Before we grew up

A/N: Hey! Back with another addition to the George and Birdie universe since it was so well loved!! Honestly, the whole thing still surprises me and the fact that some of you wanted more of them actually made my heart hurt!! But I've missed them and writing this brought me a whole lot of joy, so I hope you enjoy! If this does well or it’s wanted I might write a few more like this sooo let me know x

Flashback moments | 'Before we grew up'.

“Okay, so when you’re ready just let go of the brake.”

I blinked, holding the steering wheel with an undeniable grip. “Right.” I murmured but didn’t make a move to follow the words.

George, whose brilliant idea this had all been, sat in the passenger seat of his dad’s Volkswagen, buckled in and attempting to exude an air of calm I really didn’t feel.

“You gonna let go?” He asked me after a long minute passed.

I swallowed thickly and removed my stare from where it’d been burning a hole in the windscreen so that I could look over at him. “How do I know when I’m ready?” I asked him and really didn’t appreciate the laugh he gave in return. I scowled. “What’s so funny about this? It’s a valid question!”

George just shook his head and exhaled breathily, obviously trying his best to dim the amused smile he now wore, “Honestly B, you’re just overthinking this and besides, you have it easy. It’s an automatic, barely have to do a thing.”

My scowl deepened. “Barely ‘ave to do a fing.” I mimicked in an accent similar to his deep drawl, it was his turn to frown then. I merely smiled sweetly.

“I’mma ignore that for now, ‘cause you’re a twat.” George retorted, “But also ‘cause I need to get the car back before dad notices it’s gone. So, can we get a move on?”

I inhaled deeply and fought off a whine that wanted to escape me- who the fuck said driving was easy?

“G, I’m being dead serious right now.”

He simply snorted, humoured by my anxieties, “I know, babe, and you’re doing so well.” I raised a brow at that and he smiled, “What? You are! You’ve turned the thing on, ain’t you?”

I took a hand off the wheel just to swat him, “Hilarious.” Before I was gripping it again once more, “Come on, just give me a count down or summat.” 

G shook his head and looked towards the sky, as though anyone up there cared for the likes of us, then he sighed, “Fine, on three yeah? Then you let go of the brake and go.”

“On three.” I agreed with a nod, though it sounded breathy even to my own ears.

George reached out a hand to squeeze my thigh, probably in hopes to spur some proper motivation into me but all it did was make me think back to the previous evening when he’d had a free house. I shook my head, along with the thoughts of his hands and his lips, and settled into my seat with a newfound determination as I looked out onto the road.

It wasn’t as though it was anything too terrifying, I didn’t even have to bare left or right, just keep going straight. But still, I had the horrible feeling that this would be the thing that would seal my fate- imminently, or when George’s dad finally got home to find that his car had a barge pole sticking out of its front. 

I released a shaky breath.

“Okay- one, two…”

And on three I finally let my foot slip away from the pedal, screaming a little to myself as the car began to roll.

“Yes, Birdie!” George grinned over at me, bouncing in his seat as he moved, “Now the accelerator.”

I laughed stiltedly, eyes wide as I pressed down on the other pedal, feeling the car bob at the sudden pressure.

“Easy.” George corrected but he was still smiling away, hand tapping at my leg. “Good girl. See? You’re doing it!”

And I was. I really was.

“Oh shit- break, break!” He then shouted out and I slammed on the brake pedal hard enough to have us both jerking forward in our seats, though the cat that was crossing the road continued in its languid stroll, barely even sparing us a glance.

It was after that I let go of the jittery excitement I felt, heart beating a mile a minute and my grin kilowatt. “Fuck.” I giggled, then glanced over to my left. G seemed to follow the former motion, chuckling to himself whilst we sat in the middle of a side road full of dimmed townhouses. “I wanna go again.” I told him. 

He snorted, shaking his head and grinning. “Thought you were shitting yourself a second ago?”

I shrugged, not caring in the slightest how much truth his statement held. “Can we?”

G huffed another chuckle but ultimately dipped his head, “Go on then, when we get to the garages I’ll walk you through parking.”

“Alright, but only if I can do a doughnut or somethin’ first.” I countered, like I had any authority here. But George just laughed and said nothing more whilst I went to pull away from a stop once more.

–

Christmas was always a hectic time of year. No one could deny me that. But since my dad’s passing, it had become a holiday that always came too quickly and dragged on for too long. This year though, this year was gonna be different.

See, I’d been living at Matty’s since the summer after the ‘incident’ as I liked to call it- everyone else seemed to roll their eyes at the name though. And whilst staying with them I'd come to realise a few things about myself.

Firstly, I loved all kinds of food.

Sure a strange thing to find out at my age, but I had an excuse! Alright? Staying with mum I’d pretty much had to feed myself and with money so scarce we’d only ever really had enough for the basics, or at least I did. Most of mum’s boyfriends had practically kept the food they liked under lock and key, even though nine times out of ten they hadn't been the ones to buy it. And so, this meant that I hadn’t had much opportunity to branch out, to get a feel for anything that wasn't canned, bagged, or frozen.

Secondly, I had a tad bit of childhood trauma lagging behind me. Most of which I’ll spare you the intimate details from, but that had an impact on the things I did even when I felt safe. Like, I hated not knowing if there was someone new stopping at the house, made me feel all itchy in truth. And the way I went out of my way to make sure I’d locked everything was a bit much; windows, my bedroom door, the backdoor, the front door, the bathroom door, the side gate. At one point I’d been stressing over the front entrance late at night but had felt too stupid to go and make a check to see if it was in fact closed, which had resulted in me waking Matty up to help me deal with a panic attack.

And thirdly, I had no idea how normal people spent Christmas.

This came to light when I’d all but baulked at the many traditions not just Matty and his family had, but also the rest of the lads. 

Ross and his lot often ate their Christmas roast at lunch time then went out for a chinese later on that night. How they had the room for it, I have no idea. Hann, on the other hand, was dragged back and forth between all of his family members on the twenty-sixth instead of the fifth, due to extended family coming to visit from all other parts of the country. 

Denise had a list of things she loved to do this time of year.

She’d set up a nativity outside, alongside the rest of the lights and usual decorations for the neighbours to come see. She ordered a real fur tree and then sent the boys out to go collect it with their dad once the day came. It was humongous and dropped needles everywhere, but was oh so beautiful. They always decorated it as a family, taking turns to put the topper on and finding the best branches to place sentimental ornaments. Stockings were hung by the fireplace with initials hand stitched on. And chefs typically came to cater Christmas day.

Gifts were also a big thing.

A very BIG thing.

As in, they were all so lovely and thoughtful to the point that Matty and his younger brother would have an actual meeting over what to get their mum and dad- which had melted my fucking heart, because what?

This year, I’d been forced upon them. But instead of making me feel like an intruder, they did what they always did and made me feel like one of their own.

“Love, will you get that for us?” Denise called out to me just as the doorbell went, “It’ll only be the postman.”

I smiled and nodded, happy to be of some help whilst she sent herself into a tizzy over tinsel. There’d been many deliveries as of late, so I was pretty much used to adding to the post-pile that was going on in the downstairs office.

Wandering out of the kitchen I padded over to the front door, opening it only to find that the postman wasn't there at all.

I blinked stupidly at the sight I was met with, a bright pink cab had taken over the majority of Denise’s driveway and getting out of the backseat was only my Nana.

The door handle fell from my grasp as I stepped forward on instinct, unsure of what the hell was even happening. “Nana?”

The older woman smiled over at me, eyes twinkling with mirth. Then a voice shouted out and I spotted a head of bright red curls fly out from behind the car’s boot to greet me, “Aunt Del too, Dove!”

“What?” I muttered, still so bewildered, but then I caught sight of another familiar face, a face that I didn’t think I'd be seeing until tomorrow. “Did you do this?”

George just chuckled softly, stepping closer to help my Nana over the gravel walkway, but he wasn’t the one who replied to my question. “Came down to fetch us, din’t he?” Nana replied in his stead, stretching a hand out once she got close enough, I blinked again and hurried to take it.

“He did?” I heard myself murmur, still so in shock. Practically rocking with the explosion of it.

Nana gave a sweet laugh, wrapping me up in a much needed hug and pressing a gentle kiss to my head before she pulled away, “Phoned us up a bit ago, wanted to surprise ya, darlin’.”

“Well, God. I’m surprised, that’s for sure.”

They all laughed, probably at the expression cast over my mug, but I couldn’t find it in me to even rebuke them. “I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

“Best believe it, doll.” Aunt Del replied, smiling over at me whilst she and George trailed the bags they’d seemingly brought with them up onto the front step. “Our Georgie here went an’ planned it all, picked him up from the train station this morning.”

I let Del tackle me into another tight hug, allowing her to pepper me with a barrel full of kisses. All the while it seemed that Denise and Matty had come out to see what all the fuss was about, only- they didn’t look shocked at all.

“Surprise?” Denise sang out when she caught my gawping, waving a hand out from where she stood in the doorway.

“Did you all know?” I asked, my mind racing to catch up with the situation at hand. “How- I- This is so mad.”

Matty snorted at my crappy attempt at a sentence but I watched as he made his way on over, his mum just behind, so that they could introduce themselves. “All G’s idea, mate. Knew you were missing them and so, yeah we made this happen.”

“I can’t- just, wow.” Then I glanced over to where the one person that currently meant so much to me stood on the outskirts simply watching on. He glanced back.

“Merry Christmas, B.” George said, grinning slightly over at me, obviously pleased with my stuttering reaction.

I released the heavy breath I hadn’t even realised I'd been holding and strode over towards him, he caught me in his arms and held me with a prominent strength I didn’t know he had.

“Thank you.” I whispered once I felt as though I could, tears threatening to fall at the sincerity of it all. Never had I ever been so surprised. “Thank you.” I repeated and pressed a light kiss to the skin of his neck that was hiding behind the collar of his shirt and other many layers.

George squeezed me a little closer, then rocked us back and forth. When I finally pulled away I peered up at him with wet eyes and the brightest smile.

“I can’t believe you got away with all this.”

He laughed, but not his typical kind, no, this one was loud and carefree. Honest.

“Is that all you really care about?” He asked me, teasing, hands now at my hips.

I grinned upwards, “‘Course, can’t believe you did all this under my nose!”

Turning back towards the crowd that had gathered by the door, George’s arm fell to a loose hold on my waist and we made our way back over. Denise was already chatting away with Aunt Del and Nana had somehow roped Matty into an explanation about the band and the few stories she’d heard through G and I during our catchup calls.

At that moment, my heart had never felt so full. In fact, I don’t know how any other Christmas could top it.

–

It had been a lovely day. The most amazing time, actually.

It still felt so unreal to look over and spot Denise in her wedding gown, all happy and glowing. In Portugal of all places, too! Matty was currently off trying to get with one of the many girls attending his mum’s reception, whilst his younger brother, Lou, tested his charm on a couple of the older folk in an attempt to make a bit of money, everyone else seemed fine to just putter about from table to table.

It had started to spit a little while ago, summer rain they’d said, and so I was the only one still standing out in the garden now, the rest of the party somewhere inside the villa or over at the gazebo. My bridesmaid dress was speckled with tiny water droplets that shimmered in the late setting sun but nothing too heavy. The rain here was almost a total contrast to that back home. 

“There you are.” I heard someone say just as a pair of hands came to wind themselves around my waist, I leant back in their hold, smiling at the familiarity. “Thought you’d done a runner.”

“Nah, just enjoying the last of the sun.” I hummed, intertwining my fingers with his atop my stomach.

“As well as the rain.” George added with a light chuckle, but he didn’t seem to mind it much either. I nodded lightly, then felt him tuck my head under his chin. “Ross is sloshed.” He told me.

“Already?” I asked around a soft laugh, he hummed. “Lightweight.”

The noise from the party seemed to trickle out to greet us, but no one else seemed to want to step out into the rain. Content with the warmth inside.

“You havin’ a good time?”

I smiled at the question as well as the thumb that soothed the back of my hand. “The best.” I told him honestly, “It’s all been so lovely. Reckon I’d want something like this, you know.”

George was quiet for a long second before he spoke again, “Thought you didn’t want to be tied down. As free as a bird and all that.”

Chuckling, I shrugged a single shoulder. “Dunno. Seems cool, plus you get all that cake.”

An ugly snort escaped George at that, “Only in it for the cake then, I ‘spose.”

With a grin I tilted my head back so that he could see me, “Always!”

He narrowed his eyes down at me, eyelashes fanning the skin beneath them, then tugged me in a bit tighter, “You’re a right menace, you know that?” He murmured against the jut of my collar. I squirmed slightly in his hold, his breath tickling my neck.

“I guess it’d be nice to have a big party too.” I tacked on, if only to tease him further. And it appeared to work too, because he spun me around in his arms and I laughed at the unexpectedness of it.

The rain started to come down a little harder then, but I could hardly feel it with the weight of his gaze on me and the beam of the sun. An old Billy Idol song echoed out into the courtyard from the main room and George grinned at the sound, a favourite. “Fancy a dance?”

“What, back in there?” I wondered, not really all that up for being back amongst everyone else just yet.

George just shook his head though, as if reading my mind, and then dragged me further out onto the grass where the dampness which clung to the clipped stems soaked my feet.

He started to sway then, in time to the beat of Eyes Without A Face.

“Didn’t think you even could dance.” I murmured to him, then giggled as he spun me out, raindrops flicking up the backs of my legs before roping me back in.

“Full of surprises, me.” He quipped before dipping me into an exaggerated bend.

I gasped, unable to help myself, then shook my head, hair falling with it. “Warn me next time.”

George just grinned, eyes squinting with the power of it, then pulled me in closer, chest to chest now. His hands on my back, mine wrapped behind his neck. “Would make things boring, wouldn’t it?”

“What’s so bad about boring?” I shot back.

He huffed, the force of it fluttering my dampening hair and catching on the shell of my ear. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” He assured me and I heard more than saw his smile.

Pleased, I hummed, loosening my hold on him so that I could rest my head against his shoulder and close my eyes. The rain continued to fall on and around us, neither George nor I caring for the way it clung to every available inch of our skin.

“I love you.” I heard him mutter above me, so softly I hardly even felt it resonate in his chest.

I turned to glance up at him again at that, eyes trailing across every inch of his face, taking in every detail he had to offer. “How do you know? For sure?” I questioned him in a faint whisper even though there wasn't another soul about to hear. I was still smiling away, only it was ever so soft, so warm.

He didn’t say anything for a moment. Then, “I know I love you because even on my worst days you’re all that gets through. There’s no pretending with us, you know every inch of me, the good, the bad, and still, you choose to stay. So I’ll love you today, and then tomorrow. I’ll love you til the day I die, and if there’s life after that, I'll love you then too.”

My eyes watered at the hit of his words, having expected something stupid like ‘you give good head’, or something as simple as ‘I just do’. 

“You always manage to surprise me, you know that?” I chuckled quietly, fingers threading through the length of his hair.

George lifted his brows in turn and so I just smiled, humming as I coaxed him closer so that I could finally lean in for a kiss.

“I love you.” I repeated his earlier words once we parted, laughing loudly when he swept me up off my feet and around in a circle.

“You’d better.” He quipped straight back, laughing now too before he slipped on the damp grass beneath us and sent us both sailing to the ground.

“George!”

But he continued to just chuckle away, eyes bright and beaming. God, I thought, I was so, so gone.

[biggestsimp12]

Let me show you how much i've missed you.

----------------------------------

(this has been sitting in my drafts for a week now =w=)

! HUGE SPOILERS (sumeru quest)!

(angst with fluff at the end)

(Wanted to do this in 2 parts but scratch that)

---------------————————

You were finally free. You finally escaped that cursed place once and forever.

You ran as screams of terror and agony could be heard behind you, slowly fading away.

Flashbacks from previous minutes floaded your mind, ringing in your brain over and over again.

--

You were captured and selled by some mora-thirst people to a psychopatic inazumian scientist. They kept experimenting your powers, trying to create changes wich caused you extreme pain, yet little to no change. The scientist took advantage of your immortality to insert all sorts of chemicals in your blood. While he was preparing another dose for one of his endless experiments on you, he accidentally dropped one of his glass tube, causing a big explosion to occur. Creating a sheild around you, you covered your eyes, loud noises echoing through the room. Smoke started to fill your senses, taking your hands off your eyes, watching in horror the sight in front of you. The whole lab was on fire, quickly devouring every inch of the building. Your eyes landed on the trapped figure in front of you. The scientist was being crushed almost to death by thick metal bar. Seeing you staring at him, he ordered you to help. Receiving no answer, he repeated once more, his command turning to pleading to desperately begging you to help him as fire quickly made its way to him. You looked at him almost in a pity full way, heading to the exit, the key word being almost. You started running out hearing your torturers cries for you not to.

--

You stopped at the only place you knew by heart. Or at least, used to. The chinju forest.

You sat down by a tree trying to catch your breath. You looked down at your freshly cut feet, all covered in blood. You must have cut yourself on the tons of broken glass left in the lab due to the explosion.

You slowly made your way to the small river, sitting down at its edge. You gently washed your feet wincing in pain when touching a deeper cut.

Your only goul now was to reunite with him once more.

-----------———————

Present day (before Nahida ereased everyones memories)

————————-----------

You don't know how much it passed. One century? Maybe 2, 3, 4? You had no idea. Your worst fear was statring to become true. What if you'll never see him again? What if he was dead? Even if not, did he still love you as much as you did? What if he wasn't the same? (even if he wasn't, you'll still accept him either way) Your thoughts were interrupted by bumping into something. Wait no. Someone.

Hey, watch where you're going! A high pitched fairy said, staring at you as you were some kind of criminal.

I'm deeply sorry little floating gi-

Oh no! *I think they look like some fatui! Yikes, not again!* Wait.. Did you just call me floating little girl!? The blonde girl/boy beside her started laughing at her little floating companions change of attitude. The blonde one looked at you, analyzing you as well.

Paimon, i don't fatuis have such type of masks. Besides they don't look like they did it on purpose.

What are fatuis?

They both stared at you in shock as if you just said that you got a bomb and its about to explode.

How could you not know what fatuis are?! Have you been living under a rock!?

Uhm could you stop yelling? I'm right beside you.

Sorry for her. She can over react some times. I'm Aether /Lumine and this is Paimon. Now, do you seriously do not know who the fatui are?

Y/N, nice to meet you. And no i haven't. Could you explain it to me? If you don't mind of course.

Of course we don't!

Ooh~ Paimon wants to tell them! Can i, please, please, please, please, pleaseeee?

------------—————

After exchanging both pasts and explaining about the fatuis

————————------

Yeah! And theres a scary doctor whos experimenting people and! and!

You frowned as you heard the word "experiment", bad memories floading your head. Paimon took notice of this as she started apologizing.

Oh, i'm sorry! Paimon didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!

You looked up at the small fairy beside you, giving her a weak smile.

Don't worry that was hundred of years ago. I'm glad there's someone who understands how i feel. I'm deeply sorry Lumine/Aether. I did see a girl/boy similar to you but that was a long time ago. Did you at least get to see her/him again?

One or two times. Yet she/he was so different than when we used to travel together. What about you? Have you gotten to see this person?

Your smile faded as you sighed.

I wish i did, he was such a sweetheart. It broke my heart seeing him cry like that while we got separated. Before they knocked me out i screamed a promise.

You smiled again looking down at your feet.

What promise did you make?

Paimon looked at you, captured by your story. You laughed at her cuteness, remembering your promise perfectly.

"I promise i'll search for you darling. No matter how bad the weather or bad the health, i'll always be searching. Our love shall never die, for i be forever searching, nobody can tear our love apart and i shall never lie."

Waaah (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ Paimon thinks this is so sweet! What if you don't see him again??

The little floating girl said, hugging you tightly.

Don't worry Paimon. I haven't given up yet. He must somewhere in this world. If not i'll start traveling the worlds for him.

You said trying to get your hopes up. In reality you had no idea where he could be. You did in fact travel multiple worlds only to be stuck at the start line back in teyvat. You sighed, changing the subject to enlighten the mood.

After deciding to join them in their journey, you both made your way to the Sumeru City.

--------————

Timeskip after saving Nahida

————--------

Woah... Who would've thought there's place like this hidden right slap bang in the middle of the city!

The sages wanted to realize their god creation plan without being discovered. The safest and most convenient way would be to build within the Akademiya itself.

They are already hiding a god, so why not 2?

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. What was this all fatui thing and fake god that they were talking about? If so, how come you never heard about them? Your thoughts were interrupted when Paimon spoke again.

Paimon knows that he was a prototype puppet for the Raiden Shogun before he became a Fatui Harbinger...

You stare at Paimon in shock. Did they know him all along? How come they never told you about this? Yeah the traveler said he/she had some vision about the Balladeer but they never told who he actually was. All these questions swelling up in your head made you furious yet sad at the same time.

You 2 sure seem to know about him quite well. Yet there is a certain person who has more knowledge about him and his past. In fact they were very close for that matter.

The traveler and Paimon looked confused at Nahida. The little elf like archon took your hand before speaking.

Y/N. I know you were searching him for a long time. Could you tell us what you know about him?

Wait.. Y/N!? The person you were searching is him?! But how!? When you were talking about him, he sounded so nice and sweet! He's literally nothing close that! He is an arrogant little-

Paimon, please do not jump to conclusions. We do not what occured in his life to change his behavior like that. So Y/N. How did you exactly meet?

Well.. I was walking through chinju forest when i heard something. I started investigating, trying to find the source of it when i tripped and fell into the water. A figure approached me asking me if i was alright. It was a boy in a white strange yet beautiful outfit. I stared at him for a while. His whole feauters didn't look much human. He looked like those gorgeous puppets you see in the kid theaters. He landed me his hand and hesitantly took it. Later on i learned his name and how he got there-

Oh so scaramouche right?

Paimon it is impolite to interrupt someone.

Nahida looked at Paimon, scolding her.

No its alright. His name isn't Scaramouche. Or at least it wasn't when i met him. He told me to call him Kunikuzushi.

After that i invited him to live with me, since he didn't have anywhere else to go. We then fell in love but it didn't last long due to those horrible people that took me. From that day on i never saw him at least once. What happend to him after is still unkown to me.

You finished with a sigh looking down at the little archon in front of you.

She nodded, putting her hand on her chin in a thinking way.

It seems that the occurrence of this events damaged both of your physical and mental health, on your side as much as his. We need to be as careful as possible when approaching him. We don't know what type of manifestation we will get out of him. Now, without further ado, our time is pretty much limited just like a candle on fire. Let's go.

------———

Mini time skip

———------

Looking at its operational status, we must prepare for the worst. The god they wanted to create... is likely close to completion, or already completed.

Paimon floated behind you pushing you forward gently.

If someone should go first it should be Y/N right? No offense Y/N but it's your lover.

You sighed looking at the little scared girl behind you.

As much i would love to talk to him, i don't think he would listen.

Y/N is right. We can't just burst all that Information like that. It could disadvantage us in battle strategy but also cooperation with him. I'm curious of what our fate may be. To me, everything we perceive in this world, everything we learn, and everything that happens to us is considered knowledge. However, only fate is about that which has yet to occur, so it has always drawn my curiosity. So to me, "fate" is the ultimate knowledge.

And now, at long last, I'm not just an observer anymore.

I will personally experience my own fate, with you by my side. Hehe, isn't this such a wonderfully exciting thing?

The dendro archon smiled at you three, closing her eyes. Okay, let's continue on. I can sense "his" aura from here... You watched in disbelief at the sight that standed before your eyes as you made your way further. It was in fact the boy you've been desperate to find again yet.. He looked so different.. So, lifeless.

Nahida used her magic as the blue haired boy had awoken.

The robot copied the puppets moves, making a strong wind.

The boy smiled scanning the sight before him.

Who would have thought... The world would be so eager for my "birth"

I remember you

The boy said looking at Nahida

Buer, the God of Wisdom... And standing beside you the Traveler

He said as his eyes finally reach you

And...

His eyes widened, facade dropping a little then going back on.

My.. My, what do we have here? Honestly i didn't think you'll have the guts to show yourself before me after cruelly abandoning me like that. I see you've changed. But dear so did i.

He said, venom within his words.

You watched him, tears welling in your eyes. Voice trapped in your throat, you could only watch him spitting his point of view of the past that you once shared. He did in fact change. You could see the actual Kunikuzushi behind. He was not evil, just hurt. And you knew it.

The Balladeer has already become a god...?

You listened to the conversation Paimon and Nahida had behind you.

"The Balladeer" A long bygone title..

When my spirit ascended to divinity

I felt as if I had existed for the same number of epochs as heaven and earth

Looking back

The existence of what once called itself "Kunikuzushi" appears infinitely small... and ugly

You couldn't believe what was happening right now. This was all your fault. If you knew how to fight that day, none of this events would have existed now. Seeing your uneasy state Nahida took your hand and spoke.

None if these are your fault Y/N. Life has its ups and downs that seem to affect not just human lifes, but immortal creatures both in good and bad ways as well. Everyone creates and has his own destiny. And now, you choose if you want to make a change or not.

Nahida said, looking up the "god" in front of you.

What a cute yet pathetic little speech. You should know that wisdom cannot solve every problem. Like now, where your only option is to face me in combat.

Come.. Let us reenact a scene of the Archon War. Come and inaugurate my birth as a god.

The traveler raised his/her sword as the battle begin

---———

You helped Aether/Lumine get up, watching the giant robot collapse.

Humans... filthy humans...!

The "god" spitted out, not wanting to accept defeat. The small archon flew closer to him, using her magic to take his gnosis. Noticing this the boy started panicking, looking at Nahida desperately.

No! Please! Anything but the gnosis..!

The boy begged, breaking the bots face plate.

That's mine! Don't even try..!

He said trying to hold a grasp of the gnosis, Wires slowly breaking behind him.

I'll..! I'll never go back!

He gave you a small glance, a desperate look on his face. Your heart only could ache at the sight of him being so hurt.

Y/N plea-

Before the boy could finished Nahida reached his gnosis, wires finally breaking, proceeding to make him fall, a lifeless look on his growing bigger by each second. You quickly rushed into catching him, fear rushing through your blood as you used your powers to create a sheild bubble around you 2. You watched his features as you slowly floated your way to the ground. You hugged him, visible tears running down your face. Nahida landed beside you giving you a sympathy look after returning to the traveler.

We haven't yet found the answer to the most important mystery.

Irminsul is still waiting to be saved.

------———

Time skip after Nahida ereased everyones memories

———------

You were not sure why you were crying a moment before just now. The traveler and Paimon exchanged looks before Paimon asked.

Do you remember what happend at the academia?

You gave Paimon a confused look before thinking at the previous events these days. Confused you told Paimon what you knew.

Uh.. We saved Nahida and sumeru. Why?

Paimon gave you a shocked expression.

Do you seriously not remember him??

Am i missing something?

You asked clearly confused.

You were searching for him remember?? You guys promised to search for each other! We just fought with him! You have to remember!

I think we should leave them alone Paimon.. Its not going to work if you press them like that. Let's go...

Aether/Lumine whispered to the little fairy.

Y/N we have to go. See you around!

Bye..?

---———

You walked around the Sumeru City, making some groceries. It's been a week since you and the traveler saved the irminsul. Something was missing yet you couldn't quite catch what. Paimons words from previous weeks ringed through your head, trying to find the answer to your curiosity.

Hey Y/N, over here!

You turned around to see Paimon and the traveler. Beside them there was another person facing another derection.

This is ridiculous.

Paimon pushed the big hat boy further giving him a thumbs up. You couldn't really see his face due him looking down.

Hi. My name is Y/N! Nice to meet you-

Upon seeing his face, memories click in your mind, now remembering it all. He was the person Paimon talked about. He was the person you were desperately searching all these centuries.

Kunikuzushi.

The boy looked shocked yet relieved. You took him into your arms, embracing him as if he would disappear. Paimon and the traveler smiled, leaving you two be.

I've missed you so much. W-where have you been all this time? How come could i never get to stumble upon you?

You said voice shaking from happiness.

It's not important. There are many things i regret in my past that i don't want to make you worry about. Right now, let me show you how much i've missed you.

---———

The end >¬>

Have a nice day/night

[riptideripley]

Chapter two of: Addicted.

word count: 1,836

Roman sat up out of his bed with a groan, waking up to his 7:30 alarm. He sat up and was instantly sore, giving him a fresh reminder of last night. He sighed and grabbed his phone off the charger, eyes widening when he saw 3 missed calls from Rhea. He instantly called her back as he flipped the covers off his legs and stood up to stretch.

"Hey Rips, what's up?"

"Did seth tell you"

"Tell me..what?"

"Well he set up a breakfast "date" for us to go to so we can talk. It's at 8:30 so hurry up."

She spat out and hung up quickly leaving Roman stunned. He put his phone back on the charger and grabbed his essentials out of his suitcase, heading to the bathroom.

Rheas POV

I hung up almost instantly after talking to Roman. Why the fuck would Seth set this shit up knowing I'm still pissed?! I glanced over at Dom who was peacefully sleeping, god he looked beautiful. I gently shook him, "Hey Dom..I have to go soon alright?" I spoke softly not wanting to really disturb him.

"Yeah..? Alright mami be safe" he mumbled tiredly back to me, kissing my hand before turning to the other side to get comfortable. I smiled and got out of bed, walking to the bathroom to check myself out. I've already went to the gym, showered, and did everything a woman needed to do. I checked the time and saw it was already 8:10 so I grabbed my mini bag and headed out the door, giving Dom a kiss on the cheek before leaving.

15 Minutes Later.

I arrived and I'm instantly irritated. I see Roman and Seth sitting at a small squared table off to the corner, walking over there. "Rhea! Glad you could make it." Seth said with a smile in which I returned one as I sat down. Looking at Roman just made me sick.

No ones POV

All Roman could do was look at her. I mean he felt guilty and tried everything to apologize, but he knew it would take some time.

"Rhea look, I know I've already explained everything to you. I'm really sorry alright? I never meant for him to find those messages and find out everything."

Rhea sighed, stirring the coffee stick around in her black coffee Seth ordered for her. "Yeah..I guess I accept your apology. I just don't want Jimmy around me ever. again."

"Alright I can promise that no worries" he responded with a smile, finally all of this would be put to rest.

"Soo..how's you and Dom?" Seth questioned, taking a sip of his coffee. "Things are..meh. Same old same old I guess" Rhea responded with a slight smile, not wanting to go into detail about the truth.

Truth be told, after Dominik found out about Rhea sleeping with Roman things went sideways for a while. He wouldn't book hotel rooms with her, he wouldn't even sit next to her in the car rides with the group. It took him a few weeks to finally talk to her and at least..attempt to move on from it. Things went well for a while and then they didn't. It took them a while to get back on track and just let things smoothe over on its own.

Roman looked around taking in the scenery when he spotted someone. Dean. He damn near jumped up out of his seat to go run and hug him but remained composed. "Rhea you know you can always talk to us right?" "Yeah..Yeah I know" she spoke which snapped Roman out of his zone. He was too busy looking around and staring at Dean to realize the conversation they were having. They were going on and on about the whole situation from Elimination Chamber and how her relationship was with Dom. He felt bad truly but god it was just unfair Dom got to have her and not share.

Rhea checked her phone and stood up almost instantly. "Hey I um- I gotta go. Something happened with Damian and Finn" she spoke quickly, grabbing her coffee cup and leaving.

Seth noticed Roman staring at someone and looked, it was Dean.

Flashback.

"Dean this isn't fair and you know it."

"Oh cmon Seth. You know he'll never love you the way he loves me just fucking face it dude."

Roman just sat there completely silent and out of it. He was in love with his two best friends and didn't know what the fuck to do. Seth walking in on him and Dean didn't make things any better for him either.

"One day Seth you'll realize. Nothing and no one can replace me in his life."

End of flashback.

Seth's blood boiled and his heart sank. Dean was the one person he didn't want to see ever again after those words Dean spoke to him. Roman seemed to notice this and sat there quietly, his gaze shifting off to look outside the window.

"Go talk to him, I know you want to."

"Seth I-" "Go."

Roman silently stood up and made his way over to the table were Dean was sitting alone. "Holy shit- Ro?" Dean spoke damn near choking on his drink. Roman chuckled and smiled. "Hey Dede..haven't seen you in a while you know. Ever since you went to AEW you kinda ghosted me" he spoke and took a seat in the chair across from Dean.

"Shit dude sorry about that. Works have been busy and you know how shit is" Dean spoke feeling guilty about just leaving Roman alone how he did. "It's fine I get it, how'd you like it over there?" Roman questioned.

"Awe man you've got to come watch one of my matches if you aren't busy- I'm having a blast" he spoke, seeming very enthusiastic about it which made Roman chuckle to himself. "I'll try, hey did you uh get a new number or something" he asked as he pulled out his phone from his pocket. "Shit- I did, here give me your phone"

Seth just sat there. Watching as Dean typed his new number into Roman's phone. This whole interaction just made him more and more pissed off, so he stood up and walked out of the building. Roman noticed and just sighed in his head, continuing his conversation with Dean.

When Seth got back to the hotel, he was not expecting the scene he saw in the lobby.

"Damian what the absolute FUCK is wrong with you huh?! You go out with Dom for one fucking night and come back with a pregnancy?!" Rhea was fussing at Damian at the top of her lungs. From what Seth gathered within the 5 seconds of him being there, Damian and Dominik went out to a club and Damian got someone pregnant. Thank god this was a WWE only reserved hotel or shit would've hit the fan quickly.

Finn was pacing around furious while Dom just stood there silently. He knew who the girl was sadly and if he told Rhea it would just make her more mad. He noticed Seth out of the corner of his eye and sighed as he quietly walked over to him.

"Is everything..good?" "Fucks no. I mean you hear what she's saying" Dom responded very quickly as he sat down in a lounge chair with Seth.

"So he got someone pregnant huh?" Seth asked as he sipped on the coffee he got to go. "Yeah..I mean I told him it was a bad idea to go home with the girl but he didn't listen to me. And I mean you know the whole thing between him and Finn right?" Seth shook his head no.

"Shit dude you've got to keep up with the locker room whispers. Apparently they're in some sort of relationship without a label on it, it's confusing shit and I just gave up on trying to keep up with it."

"So that's why he's so mad.." "Yup."

At this point Roman had returned and Rhea's former tag partner Liv showed up from all the commotion. "Rhea! Calm the fuck down ok?" Liv spoke as she held onto Rhea's arm to pull her back from slapping the taste out of Damian. Rhea snatched her arm out of her grip and walked off to go calm herself down. Dominik took this opportunity to stand up and go after her to make sure she didn't break anything like she tends to do. Damian stood there pissed after being yelled at like a fucking 2 year old but to be honest he deserved it.

Hours later. 7:30 pm.

It was a saturday so everyone tended to head out to a club or something to relax and have fun. Rhea invited Roman,Seth,Liv,Dom, and Bianca out to a bar for the night to cool off. When Roman arrived, he spotted Rhea alone and went to go talk to her. "Hey you alright? Where's everyone else?" "Oh hey..well the girls and seth are over there bothering some people. Dominik decided not to show up and instead went to Damian's room" he nodded at her words and ordered him a double whiskey.

"See you ordering the same thing as me hm" Rhea spoke and chuckled to herself, sipping on her glass of whiskey. Roman smiled and took a sip of his drink when he received it, looking off in the distance at Seth.

"You two still messing around?" Rhea asked, trailing her foot up his leg. She knew she was wrong for doing this but she couldn't help herself when he looked that good in his all black tight fitted shirt and sweatpants. Roman noticed this instantly and chuckled to himself, running his hand up her leg. "Yeah..we are. Is that an issue Miss Ripley?"

"Oh not at all..I can change that tho" she spoke with a smile and finished off her drink, Roman doing the same.

Fast Forward to the next morning.

Rhea sat up and looked next to her, instantly jumping out of the bed. How the fuck did she get in bed with Roman of all people? She quickly dressed herself and was about to leave but was stopped at the feeling of a hand on her waist. "Leaving now Rhea?" a familiar voice of Roman's in her ear.

"Yes Roman..Dom is probably worried sick about me alright?" she spoke and shoved his hand off of her. "Fine, go ahead and leave. We'll talk about this at some point" he spoke and watched her leave, loving every second of the view. He turned over in his bed and grabbed his phone, calling Dean to plan to meet up.

Rheas POV

I banged on the door, trying everything to wake at least Dom up. Finally he opened the door and looked at me, not seeming too happy to see my face.

"So..Roman again huh?" shit.

[vilevenom]

New chapter for "Together Burning Bright"! This one is a ~flashback~ chapter. Specifically, Hickory's birthday party, when he and JD got together the first time. This particular scene has been rotating around my brain since I wrote "Let's Be Us Again", but it didn't really fit in the main story, so now you get a +4K word fic of just that, all on its own, lol This chapter is just a touch spicy. It's gonna bump the AO3 rating to 'M', so just an fyi. Nothing is explicitly described, but it's hella obvious as to what they're doing. Enjoy!

A trolls twenty-first birthday was a special one. At least, for the yodelers it was. It was considered a coming of age celebration, and it was when trolls were encouraged to take on more responsibility within the community. It was also when the biggest birthday parties were thrown.

As the community hall was the largest indoor space in the village, it was most commonly used to host such large events, to avoid the cold of the mountain. Flowers adorned nearly every feasible surface, and tables ladened with food were pushed up against the walls. Streamers and twinkle lights hug from the ceiling, while nearly every troll in town was crammed onto the main floor, singing, dancing and carrying on in celebration.

Nearly, being the key word. One troll with teal hair and a distinct pair of green goggles stood to the side with a lazy smile, drink in hand as he watched the party carry on. John Dory had, unfortunately, missed the beginning of the party. He'd been guilted into going, even somewhat late, by the trolls who were hosting his stay in the village. They'd told him it was bad luck for the birthday troll in question for someone to willingly not attend, so he made a little fuss about it but followed along shortly behind them to the party. He'd honestly just wanted to go to bed and sleep, but a party was a party, he supposed. And as a pop troll, he'd been told many times over the years that he should love parties, much to his chagrin.

He idly sipped at his drink as he watched trolls nearly trip over themselves as they swayed across the dance floor. He did have to hand one thing to the yodelers; they made a mean fermented nectar. The cup in his hand was definitely stronger than the strange yeasty concoction the rock trolls had made him try. From said experience, he knew better than to drink too much, or too quickly. He was not keen on a repeat performance, if he was going to be honest with himself.

Truthfully, he was planning on staying just long enough for a majority of the attendees to get a little silly, before slipping back out to the house he was staying at. He'd figured, since he didn't know who the party was even for, and he'd made an appearance to appease his superstitious hosts, that no one would fault him for wanting to get some rest. He'd only managed to get into town the day before, after all.

What John Dory did not expect was for a tall troll to suddenly appear next to him, lean a hand on the wall, and tilt into John's personal space with a little smirk on his face.

~

Hickory hadn't expected anything for his birthday. His parents were long gone, his brother had disappeared on a job of some sort for who knew how long, and he was old enough now that he wasn't even living with anyone who would potentially take notice. So, he'd been more than a little surprised when his friends had offered to host a party for him at the community hall.

It seemed like everyone in town had turned out, bringing food and drink to share. They'd adorned him in a flower crown and accessories made of dried flowers, while everyone wished him a happy birthday and good luck in the coming years. The reveal of the large five tiered cake his friends had baked for him had nearly brought him to tears. He truly felt like he was the luckiest troll in the world.

"Hey, hey! Who's that?"

"Oh. That's the troll staying with us. He's a traveling pop troll. I guess he's been here before, because…"

Hickory let the voices of his friends fade into the background as they prattled on next to him. Scratch his previous thought, now he felt like the luckiest troll in the world. John Dory, the troll he had been crushing on for the last four years, who he'd thought he'd never see again, was leaning against the wall. At his party! A thrill ran up his spine, making his fur practically stand on end.

"I'm going to go talk to him," Hickory stated, pressing his half finished cup idly into the hand of one of his friends.

"What? Why? Wait…No way, Hickory. That can't possibly be the same troll."

"The one I would not stop talking to you about a couple of years ago? It most definitely is," he said with a nod, fussing with his hair and straightening out his suspenders.

"Ooo, get some, Hickory," one of his friends jeered, earning an eye roll from Hickory.

He waved as his friends started to get rowdy, quickly walking away from them while trying to keep a flush from forming on his cheeks. He hadn't seen John in nearly four years, and they had only spent a couple of months together at the time. Would he even remember? Well, Hickory reasoned, you missed one hundred percent of the shots you didn't take.

He sauntered up to John Dory and placed his hand on the wall next to the pop trolls head before leaning into his space with a smirk. "Guten abend."

John looked up at him, confusion clear on his face. Hickory felt like an idiot. He tipped himself back up to stand upright, letting out a nervous laugh. "Sorry. You don't speak german, do you?"

"Can't say that I do, no," John said, arching an eyebrow at Hickory. "Can I help you?"

Hickory cleared his throat, already feeling like this was going poorly. "I said 'good evening'," he fumbled, suddenly wishing he hadn't handed off his drink so he would at least have something to do with his hands. "I, uhh…you're alone."

John's expression went from confusion to disinterest almost immediately. "Yes. I am. And, if you don't mind, I was actually pretty okay with that situation."

Hickory bristled, wincing at the clear dismissal, but he couldn't just let John slip through his fingers like this. "We met! Before! Sorry, I'm making a mess of this," he quickly babbled, fiddling with one of the floral bracelets he'd been gifted, "I showed you around the last time you visited the village."

John stared at him for a moment, before realization slowly dawned on his face. He stood up straight from the wall, giving Hickory a cursory once over, gaping slightly. "Hickory?!"

Hickory let out a quiet breath, a wobbly little smile on his face as he gave a short nod. "That's right."

"You got tall!"

That startled a snort of laughter out of Hickory. "Ja, and older," he added, waving vaguely at the party. John looked dumbfounded for a moment, glancing around before his gaze snapped back to the yodeler.

"This is your party? Oh, man. Happy birthday!" John said, giving Hickory a friendly punch to the shoulder.

"Thank you," Hickory chuckled, rubbing at the spot that John had hit. "I don't imagine my birthday is what brought you back to town?"

John laughed, shaking his head a little as he leaned back against the wall. "Nah. Not that the party isn't great! But, I just got board with the classical trolls. I kinda vaguely remembered where this place was, and I wanted to come back for another visit. Got a little lost in the mountains for a couple of days, though. I have to admit, I'm a bit exhausted and I only came to the party because I got guilt tripped." John paused as he noticed the somewhat crestfallen expression that flitted over Hickory's face, before a smile was forced back onto it.

"Well, don't let me keep you! You should not feel obligated to stay if you would rather be in bed," Hickory offered, taking a short step back from John.

"Wait, hey, no," John stood back up, reaching out to catch Hickory's wrist. He offered a soft smile to the other, nodding towards the door. "I know this is your party, but why don't we step outside. I'm tired, but I'd love to catch up with you?"

Hickory returned the smile with a genuine one of his own, giving a short nod. He pulled his wrist free of John's hold, only to take his hand properly with a quiet, "I would love that." He turned and began to lead John through the crowd, while doing his best to ignore the cat calls that followed the two of them out.

"Sorry," Hickory muttered once they were outside, his breath puffing up in a tiny cloud in front of him. "My friends can be a bit…lewd."

"Hey, no worries," John said, walking along next to Hickory as they trundled through the snow towards a couple of benches just outside the community hall, "Pop trolls have a reputation, I've been told."

"It is a ridiculous reputation to have, since you are one of the only pop trolls that has even been through town in the last two decades," Hickory scoffed, only to flush in embarrassment at the look John shot him. "I just…it's not right. To make those sort of presumptions. Do you not agree?"

"Oh, I fully agree. It's just kinda nice to have someone else share the sentiment," John admitted, a grin forming on his face. "So," he flopped down to sit on the bench once they reached it, setting his cup on the ground, "What've you been up to since I was last here?"

Hickory eagerly took the seat next to John, and the two began to talk. Once Hickory had caught John up on the relatively uneventful list of things that had occurred in the village, John began to regale Hickory with tales of his travels, which the yodeler took in eagerly. He gasped and cheered in all of the appropriate places, peppering in the odd question to get John to elaborate on details, while John sprung from his seat to enact some of the more daring acts from his time on the Neverglade Trail. After a particularly energetic performance, John fell back onto the bench next to Hickory, quiet pants leaving a trail of wispy condensation in the air behind him.

"Your life sounds fantastic," Hickory hummed, watching John catch his breath with a dopey little smile on his face.

"It's pretty great," John grinned up at Hickory from where he was half laying on the bench.

"I wish I could have adventures like that," Hickory admitted quietly, picking at one of the blooms on his bracelet.

"What's stopping you?" John pushed himself to sit up, leaning into Hickory, "It's your life. And you're old enough now. Heck, you've been old enough for a while. I was eighteen when I went out on my own."

Hickory shrugged, a sardonic little smile on his face. "My brother, mostly. Even though he's not even here right now. But, truthfully? I am not brave enough, I don't think."

"Sure you are! You just gotta put your mind to it," John said encouragingly, nudging Hickory's shoulder with his own.

"No," Hickory shook his head, "I'm a coward."

"Hey, come on. Start small, then. Baby steps. Pick something little that you're scared to do, and just do it!" John grabbed Hickory's knee and gave it a little shake. "I believe in you."

Hickory looked down at the hand on his knee for a moment, before turning his gaze up to John Dory's face. He was smiling brightly at Hickory, open and reassuring in a way very few trolls had ever been to the yodeler. He swallowed thickly, placing his hand over John's, and hoping the pop troll would blame the cold for the flush that adorned his cheeks. "Just…go for it?" he reaffirmed, licking his lips nervously as John nodded encouragingly, "Okay."

To John's credit, he only startled slightly as Hickory leaned into his space and pressed their lips together. It was chaste, and short, but that didn't stop his face from heating up.

"I'm not too young, now," Hickory murmured against John's mouth, his eyes kept shut to save himself from any unsavory expression the pop troll may be making.

"You…what?" John sounded dazed.

"I'm not too young. You told me last time that I was too young, but I'm not anymore." He lifted both hands to cup John's cheeks and press a more determined kiss to the pop trolls lips. He very nearly pulled away, until John began to reciprocate the kiss.

They broke apart from each other after a moment, their breath mingling and turning into delicate fog between them.

"This isn't because-" John began, only to be muffled by Hickory peppering a couple quick, short kisses to his lips.

"No! No, of course not. I told you, I think that is ridiculous. No. It's because I have not been able to get you out of my mind since we last met. And I feel like this, you appearing on my birthday, is nothing short of a sign from the universe for me to at least try," Hickory admitted, letting his fingers lightly trail from John's cheeks, over his shoulders and down to his hands. He finally sat back and opened his eyes to find a flustered looking John Dory sat before him. "You did encourage me to be brave, after all."

John chuckled, a lopsided grin on his face. "I suppose I did, didn't I?"

"You did," Hickory nodded, before he stood from the bench, offering a hand to John. "Come with me."

"Where to?" John asked, not hesitating in the slightest in taking Hickory's hand and standing from the bench.

"Home," Hickory stated simply, leading John through the village.

It was a relatively quick walk through town, especially as most trolls were still at Hickory's party. Hickory lead them to a small, modest house towards the edge of the village. It was adorned with the same floral trim pattern along the awnings that all of the other buildings in the village had, with a well cared for little yard, and a short wooden fence surrounding the property.

As Hickory opened the gate and began to pull John up the short path to the door, the pop troll paused, tugging back on Hickory. "Wait."

Hickory stopped, turning around quickly with a look of worry on his face. "What is it?" he asked, tone concerned.

"I think I remember you mentioning…you have a brother? Does he live here?" John asked, looking towards the door apprehensively.

"Oh," Hickory visibly relaxed, a low chuckle leaving him, "Dickory, yes. He does live here, but he is not in town right now. I'm by myself."

John gave a little nod, nerves leaving him as Hickory tugged him the rest of the way up the path and into the house. He only paused once to wipe his feet on a large mat near the front door, encouraging John to do the same, before he continued to lead the pop troll through the house. He only let go once they had entered a sparsely decorated bedroom, and the door was shut behind them.

"Nice digs," John commented idly, looking around the room briefly, before he found himself being pushed back into the door, Hickory's hands slipping under his vest to trail over his chest.

"I can think of much more interesting things than my bedroom," Hickory chuckled, pressing a kiss to John's cheek.

"Gettin' right to it then, huh?" John joked, lifting his hands to rest gently over Hickory's hips.

"Is that…not okay?" Hickory asked, shifting back slightly but not lifting his hands from John's fur. If this was the only chance he had to soak up the pop trolls presence and touch him, he was going to take advantage of every moment he could.

"Never said it wasn't. You just seem real eager," John teased, easy grin on his face.

"I have waited four years to be able to touch you," Hickory murmured, pressing in close to John while pushing the pop trolls vest from his shoulders, "You will need to forgive my eagerness."

John's grin faltered, his well practiced boy band charm guttering at Hickory's words. "You weren't kidding about that?"

"Kidding about what?" Hickory asked, distracted as he tugged the vest free and tossed it aside.

"Thinking about me. For all that time."

Hickory paused, frowning as he tipped his head back to get a look at the almost hopeful expression on John's face. "Why would I ever joke about something like that? The time we spent together meant a great deal to me. You mean a great deal to me."

"You don't even really know me," John said with a short shake of his head.

"Then let me?"

John stared up at Hickory for a moment, taking in the flower crown that sat askew on his head and the earnest expression he wore on his face as he waited patiently for John's response. He swallowed thickly, before giving a small nod, digging his fingers more firmly into Hickory's hips and pulling him in close. "Okay."

The brilliant grin that John got in return for his consent nearly made him dizzy. He gasped as Hickory ducked his head and pressed a kiss to his shoulder, slowly sinking to his knees as he trailed kisses down John's chest and stomach. He let his head fall back and hit the door with a dull thud, groaning quietly as Hickory all but worshipped him.

As Hickory reached John's hip he paused, tilting his head back to look up at John imploringly. "Is this okay?"

John tipped his head forward, letting out a slow breath as he lifted his hands to tangle his fingers in the yodeler's hair, dislodging the flower crown and causing it to fall to the floor. "More than," he murmured, momentarily distracted as the crown rolled across the room, only to snap his attention back to Hickory with a soft hiss as the yodeler tugged at his shorts and continued his trail of kisses down.

~

"You okay?" John asked, a lopsided grin on his face. The two had eventually migrated to Hickory's bed, where John currently found himself devoid of any of his clothes, laid back in a pile of pillows with a rather flustered looking Hickory between his knees.

"Es tut mir leid," Hickory murmured, licking his lips quickly as he sat back on his heels, "To be truthful, I have never done this before."

"Seriously?" John asked, stretching his arms above his head, grinning a little as he watched Hickory's eyes trail down over his chest. "Strapping young troll like yourself? I find that hard to believe."

"It's true," Hickory said with a self depreciating little laugh, "I think you are the first troll to ever use the word 'strapping' to describe me."

"Aw," John cooed, sitting up and taking Hickory's face in his hands, "Well, I think you're real handsome." He grinned as Hickory flushed, quickly taking the opportunity to kiss the yodeler deeply. When they broke apart, while Hickory was looking a little overwhelmed, John pushed him down into the pillows, swinging his leg over the yodeler to settle in his lap. "Let me take care of you now, okay?" He preened as Hickory's hands settled on his hips, fingers digging in slightly.

"All right."

~

Hickory wondered if this was what it was like to be in paradise. The troll of his dreams was in his lap, a dark flush coloring his cheeks as he panted, looking absolutely lost in the moment as he moved above Hickory. "You are so beautiful," he murmured, reaching up to cup John's jaw. The pop troll looked momentarily startled by the sentiment, only to let out a low moan and sweep down to catch Hickory's lips in a kiss.

"You're not too bad, yourself," John teased as he pulled back, earning a light chuckle from Hickory and a roll of his hips that left John gasping.

~

John huffed as he rolled off of Hickory, flopping back into the mound of pillows next to the yodeler. He looked rather pleased with himself, while Hickory stared up at the ceiling in a daze, both trying to catch their breath.

"That was…"

"Not too bad, huh?" John chuckled, turning his head to smirk at Hickory.

The yodeler blinked, turning his head slowly to frown at John. "Not too bad? John, that was…absolut vollkommen. You were - that was incredible," Hickory stated, pushing himself up onto his elbow to lean over the pop troll. "This was the best birthday I could have ever hoped for."

John's smirk melted into a genuine smile at Hickory's earnestness, reaching up to brush his fingers through wavy orange hair. "I'm glad I could make it memorable."

"The most memorable," Hickory agreed, leaning down to press a kiss to John's lips. He shifted and squirmed amongst the pillows until he managed to maneuver himself over John, pressing in between the pop trolls knees, somehow without breaking their kiss. When he did finally pull back, John let out a low chuckle, arching an eyebrow at Hickory.

"Again?"

Hickory flushed in embarrassment, gasping quietly as John wriggled his hips. "I…only if you'd like to…?"

John snorted, lifting a leg to wrap around Hickory's hips, tugging him close as he stretched his arms above his head and arched his back. "Only if you do all the work this time."

~

When John woke up in the morning it was to an empty bed. He grunted as he felt around the covers, finding the blankets cold. He scowled as he smacked his hands over his face, groaning as he rubbed at his eyes. He should have known better. This was not the first time someone had managed to sweet talk him into bed and then fled in the morning. It was, admittedly, a bit odd that Hickory had taken him back to his house, instead of where John was staying, but perhaps there was some unspoken rule between yodelers that one simply got up and left without a fuss the morning after a fling. He had hoped Hickory would be different, but who was he kidding. He was a washed up ex-boyband member, and because he was a pop troll a lot of other trolls seemed to think he was some sort of traveling strumpet.

He sighed as he spread his arms out over the expanse of the bed, frowning as he began to notice the faint ache in his hips, and the odd way some of his fur was sticking to his skin. As soon as he got back to where he was staying, he was taking a long, hot shower. But first, he needed to get there. He let out another grunt as he rolled out of bed, wincing as he stepped on his discarded goggles. He muttered a quiet curse to himself as he picked them up, cleaning them off with a blanket, and giving them a quick inspection to find them relatively unscathed. He slipped them on his head, before hunting around for his vest and shorts.

John had managed to pull on his shorts and was trying to figure out where Hickory had tossed his vest last night, when the bedroom door began to open. He stopped short as Hickory walked in with a soft little smile on his face, carrying a tray ladened with assorted breakfast foods. Hickory froze when he noticed John standing in the middle of the room, his smile turning into a confused frown.

"Mein liebling…? Did you need to go somewhere this morning?"

John simply stared at Hickory for a long moment, his brain needing the time to register that Hickory had not, in fact, run off on him. That he had, instead, made him breakfast, and brought it to him in bed.

"I…" John began, watching as the confusion on Hickory's face slowly shifted into realization, then resigned understanding. It suddenly felt like a weight was on John's chest as he watched Hickory set the tray aside, a sad little smile on his face as he shuffled across the room to tug John's vest from beneath a few pillows that had been shoved off the bed the night before.

"Here," Hickory offered the vest to John, tucking the thumb of his free hand into the waistband of the sleep pants he was wearing, "I take it you were looking for this?"

John took the vest, but was hesitant to put it on. He held it to his chest instead, tipping his head slightly to try and catch Hickory's gaze, but the yodeler was looking anywhere but directly at him.

"Hickory, I…" John floundered, not knowing what to say to fix the hurt look on Hickory's face. He was supposed to be a lyrical wordsmith, but his mind was drawing an absolutely blank.

"It's okay, schatz," Hickory said, shaking his head and gesturing towards the door. "I understand. And I am so very happy that I could have the time with you that I did. I don't regret it. And I hope you don't, either."

John felt like he'd been sucker punched in the gut. This sweet troll, who'd confessed to thinking about him for nearly four years and had showered him with nothing but compliments and sweet nothings all night, honestly thought John would regret spending the night with him. He dropped his vest and stepped quickly across the room, cupping Hickory's cheeks so he could force the yodeler to look at him. He wanted to kick himself at finding tears in Hickory's eyes.

"No! No, no, Hickory," John brushed his thumbs against the yodelers cheeks, finding his walls quickly crumbling at the way Hickory's expression turned a little hopeful, "I'm sorry. I thought you had left. I wouldn't've…If I'd known you were making me breakfast, I…" He cursed under his breath, squeezing Hickory's cheeks gently, earning a sound of confusion from the yodeler. John cussed again, a little louder this time, before stating quickly, "Can we try this again?"

Hickory gently extracted his face from John's hold, frowning slightly. "Try what again?"

Instead of answering, John picked up the breakfast try and pushed it into Hickory's hands, before ushering the yodeler back out the door. "Here. Wait, like, a minute. Okay? Just…one minute, and then come in again."

Hickory stumbled slightly as he was pushed out the door, turning with his mouth open to speak, only to find the door shut in his face.

Meanwhile, John hurried to slip his shorts back off and toss his goggles to the side, clamoring onto the bed quickly. He arranged the bedding just so around himself, managing to flop back into the pillows and hoping it came off as somewhat alluring, just as Hickory began to open the door again.

Hickory poked his head in first, still looking confused, only for a smile to bloom on his face as John made an exaggerated yawning sound and stretched across the pillows.

"Oh! Did you make breakfast?" John asked, propping his cheek up on the palm of his hand, a coy little smile on his face as Hickory walked across the room and set the tray on the bedside table.

"Ja. I thought, after last night, you might need the energy," Hickory teased easily back, sitting on the edge of the bed. He reached out to pick something off the tray, but paused as John's hand landed on his wrist. He turned his head, letting out a startled little moan as John surged up to press a kiss to his lips.

"Join me?" John asked as he broke the kiss, patting at the pillow next to him.

Who was Hickory to deny such a request? He stood from the bed to slip his sleep pants off before crawling under the covers with John, a pleased little smile on his face as the pop troll draped himself over his lap.

"Now… Feed me," John all but demanded, gesturing vaguely at the breakfast tray. Hickory snorted at the demand, but obliged, snagging a berry from the tray and feeding it to John, who made a show of licking his lips and moaning lowly while he ate.

"Oh," Hickory breathed, offering John another berry, only to find his fingers being drawn into the pop trolls mouth with another self satisfied moan. He swallowed thickly as he pulled his fingers free to reach for the tray again, only to be stopped as John sat up and properly sat himself in Hickory's lap. He blinked owlishly up at the pop troll, who simply grinned down at him.

"Again?" John teased, squeezing his knees around Hickory's hips.

"Yes, please."

[levi-llama]

Space, Time, and the Psyche (4)

⛧_-_-_-_*_-_-_-_☾_-_-_-_*_-_-_-_⛧

Series Rating: Explicit

Chapter Rating: Mature

Chapter Warnings: Graphic Descriptions of Panic attacks, Depression, and PTSD trauma flashbacks, Violence, lmk if I missed any!

Word Count: 1.5k

Masterlist / Taglist

Chapter Four:

⛧_-_-_-_*_-_-_-_☾_-_-_-_*_-_-_-_⛧

During breakfast a few mornings after the incident on the cruise, the doctor asked me a really peculiar question. 

“So? How did you do it?” Head resting in both hands on the table, leaning over towards me as I munched on the toast I had smeared with a hefty amount of strawberry jam. 

“Again, Doctor, what do you mean by that? What did I do?” I inquired, honestly bored of the confusing conversation that he had chosen to bring up so early in the morning. Too early in the morning. 

“The psychic paper!” 

“Yea, that information doesn’t really help much unless you explain to me what ‘the psychic paper’ even is.” I mimic his voice. 

“Oi! I do not sound like that!” I just smirked at him incredulously. “And! The psychic paper is obviously a paper that is psychic!”

“Yea, obviously.” I huffed sarcastically and rolled my eyes. “Still not descriptive enough, doc.”

“Oh well then nevermind that! The important thing is that you, a normal human, were able to transfer a message to me through it.”

“Okay, Doc, I think I’d remember doing that.” I stirred absentmindedly at my dirty chai. 

“Yes, you’d think! Which is what makes it even more confusing!” He stood up and gripped his hair, exhausted by the mental gymnastics he was currently putting himself through. 

With a final sigh, he plopped down back in the chair and slouched. 

“Don’t you know any fancy alien wizards or something that can just tell you what’s going on?” I slurped the last of my tea. 

“Brilliant! Yes, brilliant!” He grabbed my wrist and pulled me up and out of the room, down the hall and to the control room. “You know, I’ve heard of this planet called Florielle! The priestesses there are supposed to know all things psychical! Heard it’s lovely this time of the year.” He smirked and pulled the lever.  

—

We seemed to have arrived at our destination, according  to the halting of the TARDIS, at least. We walked out and I immediately stopped. The sight stole my breath. The atmosphere was a bright periwinkle, while the land was towered over by large green stemmed, green petalled stalks that shot to the sky. The ground was covered in a pale tan dust and crawling flowers of royal purple, magenta, dusty pink, and all the colors in between. 

I took a deep breath as the air came back to me and the floral scent of perfume permeated my senses. I sighed in content like I was basking in the sun of a fresh spring morning. Yet, curiously, there was one thing missing; where was the wildlife. I couldn’t hear a single buzz of a pollinator or chirp of a bird, it was odd to say the least. 

“Hey, doctor?” I inquired. 

“Hm? What is it Eddie?” He responded absentmindedly while inspecting one of the green tree-like stalks. 

“Do you hear that?” 

“No, I don’t hear anything, why?” His attention swung to me. 

“Exactly. Why don’t we hear any wildlife? It’s eerily silent.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s fine. Maybe all the fauna are out somewhere else.”

I hesitantly shrugged it off, but I still wondered how these plants worked, if not pollinators and with the lack of wind, how do they reproduce? 

I walked to a pair of lavender-like flowers and picked a newly bloomed bulb. As its pretty petals were severed, I felt a tinge of pain and sorrow. I reasoned that I was just personifying the plant, that maybe I was pushing my own feelings onto it, because flowers can’t feel pain. Right..? 

“Here, Doctor.” I spoke as I brushed the flower into his hair. “Now you’re gorgeous!” 

“Oi, I thought I was plenty pretty before, thank you very much!” 

I gave a huff of a laugh at our antics. 

“Shall we venture towards civilization, my dear Eddie?” He held his elbow out for me. 

“We shall!” I pretended to curtsey before taking his elbow and we ventured down a makeshift path. One that was created from natural wear and tear from people walking through the ground regularly. 

We wandered through the plants, some huge, some low to the ground. I glance at my companion, the mysterious spaceman, and wonder how he can keep his upbeat attitude even when no one’s watching. 

Saying it’s been a busy week would be an understatement. My life has completely changed, yet why do I still feel like everything is wrong. That I’m wrong. I should be carefree and happy, like him, yet the moment he turns away, my eyes droop and my smile falls. It’s exhausting really. Exhaustion was what I was trying to escape. Well, that and some other reasons, but all lead me to my exhaustion. 

“Hey, Doctor, can I ask you something?” 

“Hm? What’s on your mind?” 

I hesitate. I don’t want to dampen his mood with redundancies of my own insecure, human, mind. This is probably all above him anyway. 

“Well?” 

“Hm?” I suppose I had taken too long to respond. 

“What did you want to ask me?”

“Ah well-“ again, I can’t just bother him with my mundane internal struggles when he went through all the trouble taking us to this planet for my sake. “Do you think the people here will really be able to tell us what’s going on?”

He side eyes me in suspicion contemplation, before responding. “Oh don’t worry you’re little head, Eddie, my girl, if they can’t help, we’ll just find someone else who can.” He tousled my hair like I’m some frightened little girl. 

Maybe I am. 

—

I zone out, lost in my head as we walk. My surroundings are droning on in the background, that is until something wrapped around my ankle and I face planted. I was getting dragged into the weeds; the grass and roots cut into me like razor blades. 

I dug my fingers into the ground to stop my body from being dragged, but all that I accomplished was the unbearable feeling of dirt and grime stuck under my nails.

“Docto-mph!” My cry for help got cut off by the animated vines moving to cover my mouth. 

“Hey!” He dives, trying to reach me, but the vine flips me in the air, swinging about 15 feet high it slams me back first into the ground. 

All oxygen was sucked from my lungs. Eyes bloodshot and wide as the struggle to take in the thin air around me became harder and harder. The vines on my mouth not letting up, I felt constricted. Too constricted. Too paralyzed. 

The faint buzzing of the sonic screwdriver hummed in my ears as I felt the violent plant go limp. Cool slender fingers untangled the vines from my lips, yet my diaphragm continued to spasm with how little oxygen was filtering through my lungs. Every gulp of air wasn’t big enough. 

All felt hands on me and my fear doubled. I couldn’t tell where I was anymore. 

“Get. Off.” I wheezed out. My frantic eyes glancing to every corner but the visual input never solidified in my mind. 

“Shh, it’s okay, Eddie, I'm just getting these vines off of you.” All I could comprehend was the sound of a man’s voice. 

“No! No, don’t touch me!” I got enough air to scream, yet still not enough to satisfy the burn in my chest. 

The hands continued for the last few moments that it took to rid me of the vines before scooping me up into his lap. 

That’s what broke me. 

I kicked and flailed until I could scoot myself away from him.

“Eddie? Eddie what are you-“ he whispered, hesitant to approach. 

“No! It hurts! Get off of me! Stop it!” The fresh hot tears stung the road rash on my face. 

Grim realization swam across the Doctor’s face. He got up and took tentative steps towards me. Holding his hands, palms facing me, in a placating manner. 

“Hey, Eddie! You’re okay, you gotta snap out of it. You’re safe.” 

No reaction. 

He started to snap his fingers in front of my eyes. I didn’t flinch, because even though my eyes were open, I couldn’t see. 

After a beat more, the air gasped into my chest. So much so, that I hacked and coughed from the pressure. I sat up and gripped my face, the burning sharp pain starting to subside. 

“I’m sorry, Eddie, I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I- uh-“ the doc spoke gingerly, sounding guilty. 

“No, I get it.” I stood up. “I should be the one apologizing.” My face was blank, numb from the shame I had brought myself. I walked passed him. 

“Oi! Where you going?” He questioned, giving me pause. Where even was I going? What plan did I have? All I knew was that I needed to get away for fear I’d break down in front of him. 

“Gotta wee.” I settled on the simplest excuse while I continued to walk into the wild brush. 

⛧_-_-_-_*_-_-_-_☾_-_-_-_*_-_-_-_⛧

[quodekash]

its 7 in the morning, i have a little time, lets roll (the commentary for just this one episode is gonna be a mess lmao)

FLASHBACK TIMEEE

little baby gun wearing glasses- hes so tinyyyy

I LOVE HERRRR

THE SONGGGGG

oh my gosh its not city its a silly song about a bullfrog i love this

aw mannnn he was jokinggggg

i love how theyre speeding up some bits, but other parts theyre adding more detail because it works better for the characters

CITYYYYYY

"im sorry, bro" I LOVE HIS ENGLISH WORDS

I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS UNIVERSE POR, WHY IS HE NOT FLUENT IN THAI

CAPTAIN PORRRR

and so the captaincy begins

good luck por

IMAGINARY TINN IMAGINARY TINN IMAGINARY TINN

IMAGINARY GUN SCENES ARE MY FAVOURITES

IMAGINARY GUNNNNNNN

i love forth so much hes such a good actor i love him i love him

tinn's little chants and then the ear blows like its some kind of magic spell RHJBGH

WAIT A SEC IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME

SOUNDWIN HAVE SWITCHED

DOES THAT MEAN SOUND IS THE ONE TO CONSTANTLY FALL ASLEEP IN CLASS??

pls let that be the case

i could have so many thoughts and headcanons if that's the case

GIJREKDBG I LOVE THAT BOTH SOUND AND WIN ARE HERE FOR THE EXAM PASSING STUFF

YO WITH THE DISBANDING NONSENSE

also win's expressions and mannerisms and stuff are gonna be excellent for an in depth analysis of sound later

i know ive done a million in depth analyses of sound

but you can never have too many

"i feel at ease now" "i somehow feel like we're getting a full score" i love this so much, i love them so much

CHINZHILLAAAAA

"will he have time for us?" "OF COURSE" this is so funny and amazing and perfect and all the good words

cos theyre literally in the same room. why wouldnt he hear them? and they needed to progress the plot. and gun would do that, whereas tinn wouldnt actually say anything.

I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH

"dont doubt nosy guys like us" lmao theyre not even trying to think about a cover story, just 'hey, you know we're nosy.'

I LOVE THAT SOUND IS SPEAKING UP MORE OFTEN BC HE'S THE WIN IN THIS SCENARIO HFBGHRB

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

COMFORT CHARACTER GO BRRRR

okay ive finished 2/4 and now i need to go again

IM BACK! to you guys that was no time at all, for me that was 12 painful hours

my friend went further ahead than me and sent me a few clips and hOLY HELL i have felt like im missing out ALL DAY

BUT WE'RE HERE NOW

EWVOUSDLV

THE HEART GRAPH SCENE BUT REVERSED GRBGHDB THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY

ITS LIKE EXACTLY THE SAME

BUT ITS DIFFERENT BECAUSE THEYRE DIFFERENT PEOPLE

GIUEJSBD I LOVE IT

"i didnt mean to kiss you" PFFFFT GBRSDHXGB I LOVE THIS

GHREBDFG ALL OF THE FRIENDS SITTING AT THE TABLE

1. I LOVE ALL THEIR GROUP DYNAMICS SO MUCH

2. THE WAY THEYRE ALL WHINING AND COMPLAINING AND TALKING OVER EACH OTHER LIKE LITTLE KIDS GBFDGHBH

"I DONT HAVE ANY!" you dont have any.

like. what.

you have. no food?

h- how-

"if youre hungry, go eat somewhere else" damn bro

i do like that gun has kept his temper tho

theyre the same people as the originals, just in different situations and with different contributing factors and i could think about this for so long i love this so much holy hell

"why did you invite them" "my friends are stupid" i mean, is he wrong?

THE PARALLEL OF TINN/GUN YELLING AT GUN/TINN AND POR/TIW TAKING THEM AWAY FROM THE GROUP AND SAYING "thats your baby" GEHRSBGD

HIS EYES GOT SO SUDDENLY WIDE WHAT THE HELL

I NEARLY FELL OFF MY BED

TIW IS SO SILLY IN THIS UNIVERSE

I LOVE IT SO MUCH

I LOVE SILLY TIW

omg all of them chanting 'hot pot'- its like little children begging for mcdonalds

poor gun and por have to deal with these children

i love them

GUYS WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING SO EVILLY

YOU FORGET, THE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU ARE IDIOTS

THEYRE GONNA THINK YOURE PLOTTING THEIR MURDER OR SOMETHING

either that or they just. wont notice the very loud evil laughter coming from the corner.

both options are equally plausible.

oh they got louder

i think they noticed

OHHHH, THIS IS WHERE THE MOTORBIKE SCENE IS FROMMMMM

SOUNDS MOTORBIKE- COS SOUND WOULD HAVE THE MOTORBIKE IN THIS VERSION, NOT WIN

GRJBDGJEBRD

my brain is playing the freaking soundwin motorbike scene but with the roles reversed and im-

HEARTLIMING NOW IM THINKING OF HEARTLIMING

SOUNDWINDIDITFIRST

theyre really just copying from soundwin even in different universes, damn

why does sound have little boots on his keychain

gotta love the (not at all) subtle advertisement

SOUNDWINDIDITFIRSTSOUNDWINDIDITFIRSTSOUNDWINDIDITFIRST

ITS LIKE SHOT-FOR-SHOT THE EXACT SAME SCENE

THEYRE NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE ORIGINAL ANYMORE, THEY KNOW SOUNDWIN IS BETTER

no hate to tinngun, i love them

but also. soundwin.

SOUNDWIN STUDY SCENE YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES MY FRIEND TOLD ME ABOUT THIS

this is gonna be entirely keysmashes

holy hell

the question is: am i gonna survive this

THE WAY WIN IS LOOKING AT SOUND

BOY YOURE WHIPPED AS FU-

"sounds studying mode. how cute!" HEEEEELLLPPP

and yes, i am aware, this scene is tinngun did it first. and yes. its also basically frame for frame. but soundwin did it first in most cases so i stand by this

GU4OEBSDJL

DUDE THATS A LONG FREAKING TIME

HOW DO YOU SIT FOR THAT LONG

holy hell i cant wait for my sound adhd hcs to finally be justified

sorry i have to keep pausing it so that i can just. take a sec. and process what's just happened.

and also to get out the million streams of thoughts that pop into my head

so yeah

THESE EPISODES ARE GONNA BE GREAT FOR AGGRESSIVELY ANALYSING ALL OF MY BOYS GERDJHGBF I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

FREAKING.👏 MOOD.👏

THEHANDSTHEHANDSTHEHANDSTHEHANDSTHEHANDSTHEHANDS

I NEED HELP

WIN'S LITTLE SMILE- IM DYING MY HEART IS EXPLODING MY SOUL IS IN THE ROOF HELP

SATANGS VOICE IS SO CUTE WHEN HE GOES NA NA NA NA NAAA

I LOVE HIM

guess who just squeak-squealed

me

they freaking played the freaking no one else like me track

and i know they play it over every important soundwin moment

but its like

directed at sound

rather than from sound

like. as if the song is coming from win's brain and not sounds.

like. as if. as if win sings the song in this universe.

SERIOUSLY I NEED IT SO MCUH

I KNOW IT HAPPENED IN MY SCHOOL PRESIDENT LIVE ON STAGE

BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED IN THE ACTUAL SERIES

AND IF IT HAPPENS HERE THEN THERE'S A CHANCE THAT ITLL BE ON SPOTIFY

PLEASE I NEED IT

DESPERATELY

GIMME

i think ive ascended into another plane of existence

i cannot- how do you- how does function

TIWPOR

GJERBSG

desperately hoping for more than crumbs, that they actually commit to the tiwpor in this version

(which i know they do because of the clips my friend sent me and im so excited to experience this firsthand)

omg

this part

my friend sent me this part

i think im going to explode

GOUERJHDGOIJBERNO;FDGLJKNV4OERIJDFBGNOI4ELRJDNGIO34HEIRDGOIH34ERDIOGHK34ERPOIDLKGN34EIORDGNV3EIO4RDJNGO3IE4RHNDGOI4EHRINDNG9OIH3N4ERO8DIGH340IEORHG0IO34BERDOB

PLEASE

IT DOESNT FEEL REAL

HELP

HE SAID IT

HE SAID THE THING

AND TIW'S SWEET LITTLE INNOCENT FACE- WHAT THE HELLLLLL

I AM DYINGGGGG

tiwpor exist

they actually exist

"i like it" "you like me?" EGIRBJKS

COS TIW, BEING TIW AND NOT POR, IS NOT SUPER OBLIVIOUS AND INNOCENT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"ill teach you later." "promise me, okay?" BRO THEYRE PLANNING A DATE. THATS WHAT THIS IS. THIS IS A DATE. WHAT THE HELL.

THE PINKIES

AND COME CLOSER PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

JUST STAB ME IN THE HEART ALREADY

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

AND THEY JUST. STAND THERE LIKE THAT.

even the camera angle is exactly the same as the original. i swear they just filmed this on the same day. surely. its so similar.

also random thought: WHERE THE HELL IS MY BOY JORN

PUT YOUR HEAD ON HIS HANDS

PLEASE PUT YOUR HEAD ON HIS HANDS

por speaking english >>>>>>

lets. lets not get into that territory.

we dont need daddy kinks, thank you very much.

i cant explain it but i love the way theyre standing

win with his arms crossed

sound with hands on hips

its very Dads of them

mood

HUGS ALL ROUND

TINNGUN HUG

TIWPOR HUG

SOUNDWIN HUG

THE FREAKING ARM OVER THE SHOULDER

THE FREAKING GRIN

THE WAY WIN IS LOOKING AT SOUND

THE FREAKING LINGERING HAND AT HIS HIP???? HEEEEEELLLPPPP

"pat, should we hug too" lmao yopat felt left out

POR SPEAKING ENGLISH >>>>>>>>>

ITS ALWAYS SO JARRING BUT I LOVE IS SO MUCH

TINNGUN SLEEPOVERRRRRRRRRR

OH COS SOUND IS SNORING

THEYRE ALL SLEEPING OVER AT GUN'S PLACE

WAIT YOU NEED TO GIVE ME MORE DETAIL

WHO IS SLEEPING IN A ROOM TOGETHER

HOW MANY ROOMS ARE THERE

all we know is gun and por shared a room, and tinn and sound shared a room. where are the rest of them? was win perhaps also in the same room as sound and tinn? now that tinn is gone, what does this mean for soundwin? PLEASE

"tinn, have you fallen asleep?" dude. you lied down like. ten seconds ago. hes not gonna be asleep yet.

the dancinggggg i love themmmmm

gay panic gun is my favourite

i love him

BRO GUN IS BOLD

WHY MUST TINN FALL ASLEEP

gun burying his face in his pillow and squealing and kicking his feet- that has been me this whole episode. I LOVE PORGUN'S FRIENDSHIP MORE THAN ANYTHING

BROOOOOOOOOO

WIN ASKING TO CHANGE PARTNERS, BROOO

HE'S JUST GOING THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING THAT GUN'S GOING THROUGH

HES GAY AND HIS HEART CANT TAKE IT

AND NEITHER CAN MINE

DANCE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, WIN

guys.

guys.

why are you switching partners.

dont do that.

you havent practiced with each other.

I NEED SOUDNWIN

also: TIWPORTIWPORTIWPORTIWPOR

COME CLOSERRRRR I LOVE THIS SONG

its slightly different somehow

i like it

its so awkward with the partners tho

YES I AM IMMEDIATELY TEARING UP

GUYS THEYRE DOING THE MSP LIVE ON STAGE CHOREO

TIWPOR ARE GONNA DANCE TOGETHER

SOUNDWIN ARE GONNA DANCE TOGETHER

IM GONNA DIE

HELP

THE CHOREOGRAPHY IS SO PRETTYYYYYYYYY

literally just had to shut my laptop for a sec there

holy hell

they mean too much to me

how do i process this

theyre dancing together

soundwin are dancing together

THIS

FREAKING

CHOREOGRAPHY

the yopat is confusing me but im digging it

THE WAY THEYRE GAZING INTO EACH OTHERS EYES, LIKE THERES NOTHING BUT THEM TWO, JUST THEM, FOR ETERNITY, DANCING TOGETHER, THEIR WHOLE WORLD IS NOTHING BUT HIS EYES AND HIS HANDS AND THEIR FEET AS THEY DANCE AROUND THE ROOM, ENTRANCED BY EACH OTHER

guys this freaking choreography. guys. look at the choreography. whoever the choreographer is. i lvoe them so much. this is amazing.

i need to play this clip on repeat for the rest of eternity

TIWTIWTIWTIWTIWTIWTIWTIWTIWTIWTIWTIW

DANG IT I RAN OUT OF IMAGES HANG ON

[stobinesque]

phryctoria | chapter 4: one by three (lambda)

Sometimes your gay awakening is just having someone to show you it’s possible. Steve and Robin go on a field trip.

CW: References to the AIDS Epidemic

[1][2][3][4][5][6 & 7] | [Read on AO3]

“You look like shit,” Robin says upon entering the car.

“Thanks, Buckley. And how was your day?” Steve starts pulling out of the parking lot as soon as Robin’s seat belt is on.

Robin shrugs. “Whatever. Fine.” She puts on her ‘I will not drop this’ face. “Spill. Why do you look like someone killed Henderson’s cat again?”

Steve tenses up, unsure of how to broach the conversation. “I had a—well, Joyce called it a panic attack?”

“You called Joyce?” Robin’s voice is laden with shock. It’s not like he’s known for asking others for help (sometimes he wonders if he’s known for anything anymore—except getting the shit beat out of him). But Steve can’t articulate what compelled him to call the Byers’ rather than just wait it out, and he knows how to explain it to Robin even less.

“Yeah.” He shrugs. “Just kinda happened. I don’t think I was really all there when I did it.”

“Oh, babe.” Robin smacks a hand on his shoulder with a little too much force to be comforting in any sort of conventional manner, but is so utterly Robin that he’s comforted by it regardless. He can’t bring himself to shrug her off, so he just shoots back a small, dismissive grimace. “Flashbacks?” Robin guesses.

He shakes his head, grip tightening on the steering wheel. “No. Just…” Steve runs a hand through his hair, then immediately looks into the rear-view mirror to straighten it back out again. “Um. You know how you suggested I go to Indy to…experiment?”

Robin nods with a small frown on her face and drops her hand from his shoulder. He immediately misses its weight.

Steve exhales. “I think we both forgot a crucial reality.”

Robin’s frown deepens for a moment, brow furrowing, before understanding breaks across her face, and her eyes widen in horror. “Oh—Oh, shit. Fuck, Steve, I’m so sorry!”

Steve turns to look at her with a mix of confusion and agitation. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

“Why are you emphasizing ‘you’? If I don’t have to be sorry for anything you definitely don’t have to be sorry.” Robin’s hands flail about as she gesticulates widely. “And I’m sorry because I’m the idiot who suggested we take you on a disease-courting spree.”

“Hey, don’t call my best friend an idiot,” Steve says gently. “And I think—uh, I don’t know, that doesn’t seem like the best way to put that, probably?”

“No, I know, I just—God, you’ve survived so much fucking insane shit over the years, and the idea that I could lose you to some kind of virus?” Robin reaches up to tug at her hair, her eyes going round and wide like saucers. “The idea of losing you slowly and watching you just…disappear in front of me? That’s more terrifying than anything the fucking Russians could do to us.”

“Believe me, I know.”

Robin is silent for a few beats. When it’s stretched on for long enough that it begins to feel awkward, Steve turns to look at her. Robin’s lips are moving around half-formed words the way they do when she’s not-quite-talking herself through a puzzle. “Okay, okay, I got it.”

“You’ve got what, Robs?”

“I think we can still go ahead with the plan, just with a few modifications!” She has a bright and excited look on her face. Steve is skeptical.

“Uh-huh. And what are these modifications?”

“Well—okay, the virus is transmitted through, like, blood and sex, right?”

“I mean—I think so?” There’s still a silent part of him that feels like maybe it’s just…in him already.

Robin nods. “So, like, maybe you can’t have, like, sex sex, but you could still do some stuff, right? Kiss people, maybe? Uh, and…handjobs?”

Steve scrubs a hand over his face. “We are talking about my hypothetical sex life so much more than you said we would be.”

Robin laughs. “And somehow you’re the one who’s horrified about it!”

“I think this is the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me.” Steve says, entirely deadpan.

“Yep, totally. Definitely the weirdest thing.”

“Anyway, I don’t actually know if I can kiss people! I don’t know how any of it works, Robin!” If he wasn’t driving he’d be throwing his hands up in exasperation.

Robin sobers again. “I know, I’m sorry.” She sounds so solemn. It makes his heart ache.

“No, no, it’s okay. Like I said, you don’t have to be sorry, I’m just...I’m just scared, Rob.”

“I know you are, but you don’t have to be, okay?” She looks very much like she is also terrified, but is trying to hide it for his sake. “I’m right here with you, and…we’ll figure it out. Just another code to crack, right? We can still go to Indy, find a bookshop there, maybe? Heck, maybe their library even has something helpful.”

Steve frowns. Reading and research have never been his strong suit. He leaves that to the Nancys, Robins, and Dustins of the world. But they’ve all been pretty good at walking him through things, when he needs it. (Well—Robin and Nancy have. Dustin usually speaks too fast, and uses words that are too long, and assumes a general base level of context and understanding that Steve rarely possesses.) So if Robin wants to go on a research trip to figure out how to get him laid—safely—he’s not going to stop her. “Sure, all right. Sounds like a plan.”

“Sweet. And then we can figure out a bar to hit up for next time!”

“Yeah.” Steve taps his thumb against the steering wheel as something occurs to him— “Hey, Robbie, do you even have a fake ID?”

“Uh…no.”

“Then how, exactly, were you planning on executing your grand plan of us going to a gay bar to get me laid?”

“I’ll be honest, I hadn’t really thought about it that far.”

Steve wipes a hand over his face again, feeling like he’s dealing with one of the kids, and not his best friend who’s only a year younger than him. “Okay. Well. I’ll get that taken care of.”

“Sure, yeah. That sounds like more of a you-thing than a me-thing.”

Steve shakes his head. “The things I do for you,” he says.

And if it brings a small little smile to his face, he makes sure to keep it hidden from her.

***

Saturday afternoon finds Steve wandering the aisles of a small bookshop while Robin combs through a shelf of pulp novels with a single-minded determination that would put Nancy Wheeler to shame.

The shop isn’t what he expected—not that he had any particular image in mind for what a bookstore catering to gay people would look like. But it’s definitely not what he would expect of a—well, a straight bookstore, he supposes. None of the shelves match each other—they all look like they were picked up from various garage sales and thrift shops. Each of the mismatched shelves are plastered with collages of newspaper clippings, stickers, and old postcards from around the country.

Steve distracts himself with deciphering the errata papering the shelves while Robin browses. The newspaper clippings all openly reference lesbians and gay men—news of lunch events, and protests; even some celebrity gossip. Across the various comic strips he notices recurring names—Mo, Lois, and…Sparrow Pidgeon?? among them. The stickers boast an assortment of images and symbols that Steve either doesn’t recognize, or else cannot parse the significance of—there’s a double-headed axe, clusters of violets (which he supposes could just be aesthetic, but in the context of everything else it strikes him as Important in some way), and a symbol that looks a little like a wishbone (it reminds Steve a bit of some of the letters from the Russian alphabet, but he’s pretty sure that even if it is a letter that it’s probably from a different language).

After getting bored with his perusal of the shelves he wanders over to a corner taken up by wire racks of cassettes, and a couple shelves of what appear to be second-hand vinyls. A lot of the music is from singers and bands he doesn’t recognize—Fifth Column, Lydia Lunch, Au Pairs—but mixed in are albums he’s more familiar with. He’s looking over Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth when he hears Robin’s loud cackle from across the store.

He follows the sound of her laughter, and finds her with a basket full of pulps dangling from her arm, and an open magazine in her hands. “What’ve ya got there, Buckley?”

“Oh my God, Steve, you have to look at this!” She passes the magazine over to him, and even if it wasn’t one of the only items of actual interest on the page, it isn’t hard to guess that the column she’s cackling over is the one titled “16 Tips for Heterosexual Women: What to do when you meet a Lesbian.” Steve’s not really sure how much he’s allowed to laugh at it, but the first two points pull no punches, and he really can’t help it.

1) Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude.

For some reason he can hear that one delivered perfectly in El’s gentle deadpan.

2) If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion.

And—it’s funny, but the idea of someone needing to flee the scene because Robin trusted them enough to open up like that makes his chest ache.

It’s yet another thing he has to worry about for himself now, too. And, sure, in some ways this was something he had always known, but ran from. But now that he’s accepted it, he has to contend with the fact that there’s this whole new aspect of himself for people to hate. This whole new thing that he has to spend conscious effort keeping locked away from people who would wish him harm.

He shakes his head, letting the thoughts dissipate, for now, and continues reading down the list.

He can’t suppress a small snort, thinking about Carol, when he gets to number seven—do not immediately start talking about your boyfriend or husband in order to make it clear that you are straight. She already knows. And he feels a spark of recognition that makes his cheeks heat when he reaches ten—do not ask her how she got this way. Instead ask yourself how you got that way.

“What is this?” He asks, full of a bright-eyed curiosity that feels unfamiliar to him. He flips the magazine closed to get a look at the cover—“The Works” is emblazoned across the top in blocky letters, a gear taking the place of the ‘O’.

“They have a whole rack of magazines and pamphlets and ‘zines over there. Most of them seemed kinda gay.”

“‘Zine’?”

“Yeah, like a kinda homemade magazine? But shorter, and a lot of them were on really specific topics or whatever.”

Steve nods along as he starts flipping through what turns out to be the August issue of The Works. There’s a bunch of short news articles, opinion pieces, advertisements, and listings for local events that have now largely passed. “Hey, is there a newer issue of this?”

“Oh, yeah—” Robin digs a rolled up magazine out of her basket and hands it over to him. He takes it and flips through that one as well, making note of some events he might try to drag Robin to.

“Looks like the place to be is The 21 Club if we’re looking for gay bars. Although—” Steve his eyes scans down the inside cover, squinting hard to make out the tiny text. “—hey, there are a lot of gay bars in Indianapolis?”

“Huh. Bar crawl?”

Steve smirks, “Sure, Buckles, I’ll take you on the gayest bar crawl this side of the, uh…”

“I think the expression goes ‘of the Mississippi,’ but I’m gonna guess that you could take me on a gayer bar crawl in New York.” Robin tilts her head, considering. “We could use the Ohio River instead, except that I’m so sure you could take me on a gayer bar crawl in San Francisco—also the Ohio River feeds into the Mississippi anyway, and it doesn’t really reach far enough to work for this idiom, so I guess that makes it all moot.”

“Okay, fine!” Steve throws his hands in the air. “Gayest bar crawl in the Midwest.”

“Theeere ya go,” Robin gives him a mock-comforting pat on the shoulder. “Hey, wanna take a look for yourself? I saw a couple things that might satisfy your research needs.”

Steve walks over to the rack Robin’s indicated, looking over an assortment of magazines, pamphlets, and little hand-stapled booklets that look like they were put together in someone’s bedroom, right down to handwriting. The little booklets—zines, he guesses, from Robin’s description—cover a wide range of topics, from anarchist organizing (seems contradictory to him), to abortion and birth control, protest-safety and field medicine for activists (he grabs that one, because much as he hates it, he thinks he might find use for it in the future), and herbalism.

Also. A lot of them are about sex. He’s actually a little overwhelmed by how many of them seem to be about sex. He’s not even totally sure what half of them are referring to. He’s about to just grab a couple things at random when the title of a booklet that looks like it was printed more professionally than most of the others catches his eye.

How to Have Sex in an Epidemic

Steve snatches it up immediately, not even bothering to flip through it. “Come on, let’s go,” he says, turning on his heel like he might catch fire if he stands there for a moment longer.

He’s never really understood Dustin’s impulse to always head straight for the library whenever he doesn’t know or understand something—he does understand Dustin’s tendency to go to Mr. Clarke with weird science questions, if only because verbal explanations and visual demonstrations generally work much better for him—but right now he thinks he’s been granted a small glimpse into the thrill that access to knowledge seems to bring Dustin. (Robin’s knowledge gathering reminds him more of a magpie picking up every shiny thing it comes across, which he also doesn’t exactly understand, but it meshes more with his own experience of the world.)

“Oh—okay, sure,” Robin says from behind him. “Steve! Hey, Steve, wait up!” She does an awkward little hop-skip-jog to catch up to him, and wraps a hand around his shoulder before he can reach the register. She has an intent look on her face. “Hey, I uh—” she cuts herself off, biting her lip. “They have some reading glasses over there?”

Steve frowns. “You have perfect vision Robin, what would you need reading glasses for?”

Robin rolls her eyes. “I know I have perfect vision, dingus.” She’s now dragging him by the arm in the opposite direction of the counter. “But, look, I know you don’t read that much—” she says it matter-of-factly, without a trace of judgment in her tone, and Steve could kiss her for it. “—but when you do you have a tendency to squint. A lot. Like, more than is normal for a person with totally perfect vision. Which is, generally, zero amount.”

“That sounds wrong.”

“Well, it’s not. Anyway, what should actually happen is you should go see a doctor to get your vision and hearing checked out to see if anything has been permanently damaged as a result of you multiple head injuries, but since I know you won’t do that, I figure the least you could do is try to at least mitigate the amount of strain you’re putting on you’re probably-already-fucked vision.”

“Yeah, fine, whatever.” Steve lets himself be dragged, and looks over all the plastic frames assembled on the little spinner. “So, what, I just put on a pair at random and see if they work?”

“Sounds like the best plan of attack, Steve-o.”

Steve groans. “Oh, no, don’t call me that.”

“No Steve-o?”

He shakes his head.

“Stevie?”

He wrinkles his nose, thinking of Tommy’s jeering tone following after him, and pre-Russians-Robin calling him Stevie-boy with that slight air of condescension. “Mmm, only sometimes.” He trusts her to figure out when.

“Okay…Stephen?”

“Ugh, no, never.” Stephen has only ever been spit out between clenched teeth while he was pinned up against a wall.

“Okay, okay, how about…’Steph’!”

It draws him up short. It’s not an obvious nickname for “Steve,” really. Robin’s one of the only people who’s not a school administrator—or his parents—who knows how his full name is actually spelled. Even then, it’s too obviously feminine to really work as a nickname for him, right? At least ‘Stevie’ has some plausible deniability behind it. But Robin doesn’t suggest it with anything resembling a laugh at his expense. All he hears in it is a warmth and genuine affection that he’s unaccustomed to hearing when people say his name. That’s got to be why it feels so right to him.

“Yeah,” he says, sounding a little more comfortable than he feels. “Yeah, Steph is okay. But maybe…maybe only in places like this? Or—or when we’re alone?”

“Sure thing, Steph.” Robin smiles at him, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. “My next option was gonna be ‘Fen.’ I don’t know how I have a name that has like twenty possible nicknames, meanwhile you’re walking around with one that only has, like, four. It’s unbalanced and unnatural.”

Steve tilts his head. “Fen’s not bad. I mean, absolutely no one other than you would be allowed to use it. But it’s fun. Weird.”

“Ah, the Bobbin rule.”

“Exactly.”

“Okay, Steph slash Fen, stop stalling and start trying on glasses.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “So, what, I just grab a pair at random and…put them on?”

“Yep.”

Steve curls his lip a bit as he pulls a pair of tortoiseshell frames off the display. He tries them on, and everything more than a foot away goes distended and blurry. His face scrunches up in response, and he turns back to Robin. “What d’you think?”

Robin wrinkles her nose. “Not you. Do they help, though?”

Steve shrugs. “Dunno—hand me one of those?” Robin passes him one of the magazines in her basket, and Steve flips to a random page and starts reading. It’s definitely easier than usual, but—

“You’re still squinting.”

“Okay, so, higher than these, and—” Steve catches a glimpse of himself in the little mirror affixed to the display, and grimaces, “And different frames.” He picks out a pair with round, dark blue frames and a higher magnification on the lens. “How about these?”

“Ooh, you look so studious,” Robin says, affecting the air of a swooning acolyte.

“Oh, shut up.”

“I won’t.”

“Fine, whatever. Guess I’ll try these.” Reading the words in front of him is again much easier than he’s grown used to, and it’s an improvement over the previous pair. He can actually hold the magazine at a comfortable distance from his face, but he still feels himself straining his eyes a bit.

Steve puts the glasses back on the rack, and continues searching the spinner, looking for a pair with a higher magnification, and only coming up with three pairs: Another set of tortoiseshells; a chunky, rectangular pair that Steve rejects out of hand because they remind him too much of his grandfather’s; and a pair of aviator-style frames. He tries those on, attempting the magazine again. And it…it’s better. Comfortable, even.

Reading’s always been slow-going for him, and he thinks Robin might be right that he should actually get his eyes tested, because for the first time in long time he makes it through a whole page without the beginnings of a headache creeping in.

He takes a look in the mirror, and doesn’t even hate how they look on his face. “Okay. These ones.”

“Oooh, take me away, flyboy?” Robin hooks her arm through his, and starts heading in the direction of the register.

“Is that supposed to be a reference? I don’t think that’s actually a reference.” Steve pulls the glasses off and points them in Robin’s face. “More to the point: we are not Han and Leia.”

“Han and Leia could be us if they were cooler.”

“You take that back right now.”

“Nope! We’ve got the better dynamic! Name a dynamic duo better than us.”

“...I can’t.”

“Eeeexactly, Fen!” She leans into his side with a smug little smile. “Now come on, let’s get out of here! We’ve got some reading to do.”

Notes:

The idea for the bookstore spawned from the fact that there was a feminist/gay-friendly bookstore that was open in Indianapolis in 1985 named Dreams & Swords; I have no idea what it looked like though, that all came from me guessing how a bunch of lesbians would design a bookstore.

The characters in the comic strips that Steve finds are pulled from Alison Bechdel’s strip Dykes to Watch Out For, which ran from 1983 to 2008.

The double-headed axe symbol Steve sees is a labrys, which lesbians began using as an identifying symbol in the 70s.

The Works was an actual publication that ran in Indianapolis (and was distributed widely within the rest of the Midwest) in the 80s. It was renamed to “The New Works” in the late 80s and continued running into the early 90s. In addition to local & national gay news, the publication also featured a directory of gay businesses that covered it’s whole distribution area (there was also a local Gay Business Association!), personal ads, and community events. The magazine’s entire publication history is digitally archived in the Chris Gonzalez GLBT Archive Collection.

How to Have Sex in an Epidemic was also an actual publication, written by Michael Callen and Richard Berkowitz in 1982/83. By the time Robin and Steve are visiting this bookstore in 1985, AIDS research had come pretty far relative to what was known in ‘82/’83, so some parts of HTHSIAE would have already been out of date at that point. However, the philosophy and prose of HTHSIAE is genuinely quite beautiful, and I thought it was worth it to include Steve having access to its actual text. So, whether or not this would have been historically feasible, I have decided that Steve found an annotated copy that corrects some of the science/safer sex recommendations of the original (though it should be noted that the recommendations for safe sex re: AIDS in 1985 would still differ in places from what would be recommended today!) I would highly recommend taking the time to read the pamphlet yourself—it’s a reasonably quick read, and provides a really interesting look into the early years of the epidemic.

[weirdcat1213]

TRIMAX VOLUME ONE LETS GOOOOOO ....i didnt remember this was just 6 chapters...wow

ANYWAY LETS GO

chap 1:

-youre right IT MUST BE TOLD TIL THE END OF TIMES

-1st act of god you say...huh

-yeah who could believe that...thats insane....jaja

-ERIKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

-ik this was written in the 90s but i still dont like eriks saying that, like wth man lina is right

-hey lina :3 missed you

-....i like the new glasses...

-THAT SHOT REFLECTING VAHS YES THATS NICE LETS GO

-"lina cover your eyes :]" oh :c

-"oh is eriks again" :c

-YEAH GRANNY KILL THEM ALL >:D

-"stop. some legend that is" ow :c

-this is all just so sad cuz he rea;;y wanted to retire but he cant :c hes vash the stampede

-ww laughing at fake vash is the best xd

-YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH >:D

-also thats funny cuz yeah vash COULD shoot you in a matter of seconds but thats not what his name means and i really like that :3

chap 2:

-aw lina :c

-imagine going to the store and finding the silliest/most depressed wet cat in the universe ready for adoption

-GIVE ME THE PONY TAIL STAMPEDE GIVE IT TO ME PLS

-ok but how did you (from the perspective of a stranger) figure that knives was a name? knives comes from knife, so if a random person read "knives" wouldn't they think about the utensil first?????

-vash: how do you know so much about this evil entity that is my brother?

ww: hehe, please

-ily lina theyre talking bs

-YEAH >:D FREE BODY GUARD

-...im not ready for stampede eriks i will evaporate

-OH MY GOD THE HAIR

-BRO SHUT UP OFC SHE SAYS SHE DOESNT HAVE THAT POWER WHEN HE KICKED (i think) A FUCKING BULLET IM SO SAD

-....I WILL EVAPORATE IM TELLING YOU

chap 3:

-YEY MERYLS BDAY :D

-go get your vacation queen ily

-keele i will yeet you into the sun

-im never not going to be so fucking mad at HOW EASY THAT WAS BECAUSE THIS BASTARD MENTIONED MERYL LIKE IK YOU MISS YOUR DEAR FRIEND BUT OMG it just makes me sad

-wolfwood :3

-i like that :3 meryl just cant be an office person anymore when shes discover more of her world and people like vash. even if she almost died a lot of times, those were also the times when she was alive.

-YEAH MILLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

chap 4:

-:c

-ok but that panel with mostly shade is scary

-i also want to lift my whole self with my arm :D (she said even though just walking places makes him tired)

-ok but if he trained like that for 150 years no wonder he's the only pro gunman ever

-i like his face on that panel, he's amazed and proud that one of his siblings survived for that long

-vash knows why is it always like that and he understands it but god he wishes so hard for it to just fucking stop and it breaks my little heart

-hes literally just an anime girl saying "hi-mi-tsu :3" (im so sorry i will never say that again but I'm right)

-he remembers people and names after so many fucking years

-also those children probably have never met him but vash gives so much ragdoll energy that they went with it (ok never mind maybe they did but you get the idea)

-cmon brad :c why are you so mean to him :c

-SHUT UP OMG SHUT UP

-all of this just backs up the SA interpretation and although it hurts my feelings....damn its just good writing. like not knowing what your own body can do and people taking advantage of that...makes me fucking sick (in a good and bad way i truly don't know how to explain it)

-BRAD LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE AHHHHHH >:c WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO HIM

-noooooooooooooooooooooo :c every time someone calls/vash calls himself a monster this user loses 5 years of their life :D

-wolfwood sir your projection will make me want to eat my own arm

-NIGHTOW IM JUST PROCESSING WHAT WW SAID YOU CANT THROW CUTE LITTLE FACES AT ME SIR PLS NOOOO

-"run away run away ">:b" i love him so much

chap 5:

-the chapters cant keep starting with flashbacks I'm gonna start WEEPING

-is geranium tea a thing? maybe vash would like geranium tea

-how dare you, my vash the stampede would never side with the cops, he's acab i know that in my heart

-THAT ONE PANEL MY BELOVED (the onle about looking without his eyes)

-hes so fucking done

-yey conflict time :3 boi oh boi

chap 6:

-oh the title placement on this one :3

-i dont think he will (or that he is) fine after all of this but sure

-such a loud chapter and vash is so quiet

-and again, there all judging, expecting to see what will vash do

-"what do you know about my pain" brb I'm gonna EAT SOME GLASS REAL QUICK

-...

-its like....its like why, why make me suffer like this. its not even heavy stuff its just that everything hurts. his impulse and desire to help everyone, his reason why, how others see him while he tries and sometimes win while other times fails. it all hurts in a weird way.

-...legato why are you inside a fridge (i kinda forgot lol)

WHAT A VOLUME i need to lay down

[shyvioletlife]

I've finally started watching the live action remake of Avatar: The Last Airbender and 22 minutes in I'm already... frustrated with some of the decisions the creators made about how they want to frame the story. It is clear that they are going all in on the martial art action packed side of atla and want to highlight the cool fighting by starting out with back to back fight sequences. This is definitely a choice to make and is obviously a deliberate attempt to immediately set the gritty realism tone that they want to achieve, distancing themselves from the kids show. It is legitimately hard to say this show is for kids when a person gets burned to death and you see their body drop on screen within the first five minutes.

Yes, it sets up how bad the fire nation is willing to be, and yes it establishes Sozin and, subsequently, his line, as cold-hearted and willing to do whatever they can to achieve power. Sure. But then they immediately take it one step further.

Immediately we go to the Southern Air Temple and get to meet Aang, with the threat of violence hanging on the horizon but for a moment we get to see a normal, calm day. For the most part, they keep the spirit of the scenes beat to beat on the original flashback we got of Aang's life here, before reaching the point that I am especially frustrated about.

Tell me, oh tell me, why we have to witness the genocide of the air nomads? It feels like the thought process is "oh its a cool fight scene between airbenders and firebenders" but is it a cool fight scene when the entire point is how one sided it is? We know that every single air nomad dies - and that's not even a spoiler because the title of the show is Avatar: the last airbender. So I ask again, why do we have to see it? To experience the horror of watching these characters die? There are other equally effective ways to do that without showing the attack onscreen, including using the time spent on the fight scene instead fleshing out and dwelling more on the culture and people in the temple. Give us more interactions with the monks and we will feel their absence and the loss of their culture all the more keenly than witnessing the violent way that they died.

The only explanation I can think of is that the creators are trying to set up the horror of the comet, and truly make the viewer dread the prospect of the comet returning by centering it at the forefront of the story. A shorthand for 'hey you gotta get your head in gear because its about to be BAD." But they're only conveying this message to the audience!! Aang still leaves before the attack and he misses everything that happened. If they're trying to really drive home the terror of the comet, they could have rewritten the scenes to be where Aang leaves because he was forced to flee in the middle of the siege rather than 'going to clear his head' before it even happens. At least in a fleeing for his life scenario we get a similar dynamic of survivors guilt and struggle as the original story, where he ran away to avoid responsibility. They could even have introduced a situation where they were trying to evacuate all the young monks but because of the storm, only Aang was able to survive because he's half Spirit.

At the end of the day, it doesn't bode well to me that so much effort went into the fight scenes at the start of the episode and so much money was clearly spent on making the deaths look horrifying to witness.

[kippykasey]

Hey @darke15

Its finally time for the live reaction of season 2 of Soldier and the Spy.

S2E1

- leave it to Boone to make a dramatic entrance

- of course Duke is being a mother hen over a breakout

Error. Bad connection redacted comments. Please try again.

- Jack has it bad for Duke and its adorable

- Jack and Zac are the first of my children as they are cinnamon rolls and I will fight for them.

Connection reestablished. Please continue.

- wait wait wait Rafael is the one who is going to treat our girl ghost??? Hell yeah!

- just waiting for Belov to meet someone new who knows what he's saying and messes with him

- please pause the tension caused by brainwashed Ghost for some adorable children

- Raf is something else.

- The Hadar and Jack gym moment made me snicker. Poor Jack just wanted to make sure a fight didn't break out.

- Belov and Zac are like Spike and Jerry (I don't know why that correlation popped into my head but it did) unlikely friends

- me going my whole life thinking it was 'Golf' Coast... yep

- nooo not the ptsd ahhh poor Dugan

- catch me giggling over the idea of a wooden child puppet being a drug dealer

S2E2

- okay but Duke would be a badass bar tender. Love it

- this part (Lawrence being drugged) is so wonderfully written (as odd as that sounds)

- 💉💉he got his shot💉💉

- Boone having flashbacks from Rook gives me gross vibes

- we love a protective Duke

- all dresses with pockets are superior

(I am technically supposed to be working but I'm hooked. Ahhhhh)

- “Only Marines take in hood rats.” true for the marines I know

- Jack is too kind

- oh look a meet-cute run in

(Totally had a small panic over bad internet and thinking all the comments from ep2 so far didn't save but we good)

- Belov, bear, vodka is not a food group

- the gossip mill is deep.

- oh, Boone, darlin'. Someone give this gal a hug

- the friendships forming are beautiful to watch

S2E3

- ah Boone and Duke banter, I missed it

- cackling at this tech class

- During all of the fights for Alpha picks I just imagine the nurses getting upset at select few that they constantly see

- oh so that's how T becomes senator. I like it

- Nea helping set up Jack and Duke unknowingly

S2E4

- lil happy dance at the first use of Senator Johnson

- i would like to take this time to thank General Garner for taking vacation

- giggling like a school girl at poor Jack's expense

- now laughing at Duke's expense

- pass code guesses: alphaone or alphatwo

- Jack and Duke obviously crushing but oblivious

- Jack, don't compare relationships

S2E5 (about halfway through and its only been 5 hours, since I'm working and multitasking)

- whoa there no going after kids or we gonna have a problem and you aren't gonna win

- watch them become a team because they get caught sneaking out for drinks

- Hadar going to save the day?

- Montana plates huh? 👀

- mmm the baby blue camero

- I caught that Fury mention

- Thomas Frazier consider yourself fired

- Bardot Calinescu sounds familiar, was it referenced in BS:A?

S2E6

- Boone how scandalous lol

- well there goes one of my code guesses, alphaone is still there and my third would be outbreak (that was Johnsons code name if I remember)

-alpha two is literally going to be formed in a bar to save Johnson.

- “And,” Rafael said, the smile on his face growing, “I know just the guy to get us to Dugan.” mhm his name is Jack Bennett

- didn't see Sherlock coming

- ugh this comparison to wonderland is beautiful

- hell yeah! Go Zac!!

- we going to throw hands and then get back to slapping some sense into Boone for doing stupid shit

S2E7 (just a random time update its like 12:30)

- eeeeeeee! He asked him out! It begins!

- happy dance at alpha 2 forming to save kids

- no no no we going to fight

- DARKE NO. OMG NO. THAT CLIFFHANGER. That's so mean. My heart is racing and I. .... *incert scream here*

S2E8

- nia being so strong ♡

- i just feel like a ball of anxiety right now. 20 minutes to save the girls before a big boom boom

- oh sjit oh shit panic

- this is a stressful situation Duke shooting and coming out of the dark is not supposed to be attractive!

- “You and I remember Havana very differently,” 👀

- oh my god. Go alpha two

- not Jack finding out Duke wants to kiss him by a child in a death zone

- wish I had ice cream to get through the heart palpation you caused :P

- Ghost is awake!!

S2E9

- Duke ruining his own love life

- pour the champagne for Senator Johnson!

- Amma ♡

- Winter Soldier just seems like a stalker, promising to find Ghost. (Bad joke)

S2E10 (time update 2:16)

- well a stabbing is one way to start an episode

- home to New Eden

- squealing over Duke and Jack is just a thing now

- the fact that Thomas still has a job... prick

S2E11 (last one)

- honestly New Eden is probably the best place for Ghost right now

- short sweet and Raf better not disrespect the car like that again or we gonna fight

So in total it only took me like 9.4 hours to binge read everything. But yes ♡♡♡♡♡♡

Much love to the Alphas.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1157: Early Surprise Gifts (SSBU X River City Girls X Bayonetta)

7:45 p.m. at the New Donk City's Glorious Hotel Room......

Dark Pit: (Let's Out a Bit of a Heavily Sigh While Laying Down on his Bed)

Yoshi: (Sits Down on the Edge of his Bed) What got you so down today? Did Christmas Fanatic Duo got to you again?

Dark Pit: No, not yet surprisingly. Its Misako and Kyoko....I think I'm starting to miss them already.

Yoshi: That quickly, huh? You could always try and video chat them.

Dark Pit: Yeah, but....it won't feel like the same really. Plus, those chatting apps drains my tablet's battery more quicker than usual nowadays, so I'm not even gonna bother trying at this point.

Yoshi notices Misako and Kyoko sneaking inside their room, the latter happily waving at him and the former silently telling him to keep quiet before hiding both sides of their boyfriend's bed.

Yoshi: (Snickers a Teensy Bit) Yeah, that's a....('Clears Throat') Real travesty alright, I'll tell you what.

Dark Pit: ('Scoffs') Please. It's not that big of a deal. I could always text them on daily, maybe even make two snowmen of them whenever we do get snow around here.

?????: (Climbs Up on One Side of the Bed) Or we could just chill and cuddle for a while~

??????: (Climbs Up on the Other Side of the Bed Holding Up a Mistletoe in the Air) Maybe have a little Mistletoe action in between~

Dark Pit: Yeah, I guess that cou- (Eyes Suddenly Begins to Widened) W-W-WAIT A MINUTE! (Turns to One Side) Misako!? (Turns to the Other Side) Kyoko!? You actually here right now!?

Misako: (Forms a Cheeky Grin on her Face) We're laying right next to you, aren't we?~

Kyoko: (Happily Hugs Her Boyfriend) And you're gonna be stuck with us for the rest of the month, so you better get used to it~ (Gives Pitto Five Kisses on the Cheek)

Dark Pit: (Hears Yoshi Chuckling Before Turning Back to Him) You knew they were here this whole time?

Yoshi: (Casually Shrugs) Only when they sneaked their way in here, which kinda makes me wonder how they made in the city in first place honestly.

Dark Pit: (Looks Back and Forth at his Girlfriends) Yeah how DID you two get here exactly?

?????: You can thank me for that.

Pitto and Yoshi turns to see the Fallen Angel, Rodin standing, laying his back on the side of the doorway, taking a smoke on his cigar.

Dark Pit: Uncle Rodin? You're the one who brought them here?

Rodin: Yep. (Designate the Cigar to Ashes into Thin Air Before Walking in the Room) These two ladies 0f yours are accompany me on this family vacation of yours. They happened to bumped into me after I left that long ass line behind.

Kyoko: (Smiles Brightly) He was so kind of us to take us with him through that cool looking portal of his!~

Yoshi: How did you girls managed to convinced him to go with him?

Misako: Oh we has our ways.

Flashback

Misako and Kyoko were already on their knees begging Rodin to take them with him outside of the airport. It wasn't until he uses his dark manipulation powers to make both their mouths disappear, shutting them up completely

Rodin: Now, I'mma bring back both your lips. And when do thar, I want y'all CALMLY give me one good reason why should I take ypu with me. Got it?

Misako amd Kyoko nodded in agreement as both their mouths reappear on their faces. They take their very deep breaths before screaming out......

Misako/Kyoko: WE MISS OUR BOYFRIEND HORRIBLY!!!~

End of Flashback

Dark Pit: (Chuckles Lightly) You guys couldn't even last a day without crying out for me, huh?

Misako: (Glares at her Boyfriend) Hey, at least we weren't sulking enough to think about building snow versions of us!

Dark Pit: Yeah, but I wasn't the one begging on my knees, now was iI?

Misako: BITCH, I-

Both Pitto and Misako's mouths suddenly disappears off of both of their faces as they turn to their culprit in front of them.

Rodin: 'Ey, I didn't come all the way here just to hear you two bitching at one another all dauly, so chill out with that for a second, alright?

The two thirds of the trio couple nodded in agreement as their mouths reappear in their faces.

Dark Pit: (Sighs Before Turning to Misako) Sorry for laughing, Misako.

Misako: ('Sigh') It's fine. Sorry too. (Smiles a Bit) It's sweet that you're thinking about us.

Dark Pit: (Smiles Back) Ditto. I missed you guys.

Misako: We missed you too, dummy~ (Gives Pitto a Peck on the Lips)

Kyoko: (Pouts at Two of her Romantic Partners) Heyyy!~ I want some of your kisses too!~

Misako: (Sighs Before Getting Herself Up From the Bed) Alright. Scooch over, both of you. We're making ourselves a Kyoko sandwich tonight.

Dark Pit: (Shrugs) Fine by me. (Scooches himself Over to Side of the Bed)

Kyoko: (Happily Squeals as She Scooches Over to the Middle)

Misako: (Lays Down on the Other Side of the Bed Before Her and Pitto Gives Their Girlfriend The Kisses She Deserves) There.

Dark Pit: Happy, 'hon?

Kyoko: (Giggles Softly While Hugging Both her Partners) Absolutely!~

Yoshi: With that overly cuteness aside....(Turns to Rodin) Who's gonna watch your bar now that your here? Uncle Enzo?

Rodin: ('Tch') Please. I don't trust that fool to handle his own liquor let alone look over the entirety of my hard working establishment. No, I let one of my demon summons, Astral, take over from there. (Shows the Kids Pictures of the Big Demon in Question, Showing Off It's Vicious Manner) 'Been a powerhouse of a player for as long as I can remember creating him.

Yoshi: (Eyes Suddenly Begins to Widened at What Catches his Attention) Woahwoahwoahwoah, stop at that picture right there!

Rodin: (Stops Swiping Before Showing the Picture to Yoshi) Here?

Yoshi: Yeah, yeah. (Points at a Picture of a Rodin Hoding a Fiery Looking Nunchucks on the Phone Screen) What....are those!?

Rodin: One of my newest creations thus far: The Flambegé Nunchucku. An inferno dual wielding chuka sticks destructive enough to blitz through any gut wrenching demons that dares to stand in the way of the wielder. An expert of martial arts if you will.

Yoshi: How much it cost? I'll pay you anything!

Dark Pit: (Turns to Yoshi) Dude, you already have nunchucks at home.

Yoshi: (Turns to Dark Pit) Yeah, but this looks rad as all hell!

Rodin: And it's expensive as all hell. (Put his Phone Back Inside his Coat Pocket) I don't think any amount of allowance will be enough for you to pay off.

Yoshi: (Snaps his Fingers in Disappointment) ('Snap') Dangit!

Rodin: But i have yet to see any potential consumers on the other side interested in the product just yet, so I'll you have a test run or two in the near future, after you ask your parents first.

Yoshi: (Pumps His Fists Down in Excitement) Yes! (Smiles Brightly at the Fallen Angel) Thank you, Uncle Rodin.

Dark Pit: (Turns Back to Rodin) Yeah, thanks reuniting with my girlfriends, Uncle. I really appericate it.

Kyoko: You're the best!~

Misako: (Happily Nodded in Agreement)

Rodin: Yeah, yeah, it ain't nothin'. Just don't get in too much trouble, ya hear? Your mother will try and go for my neck if anything happens to any of y'all.

Dark Pit: Goddess or Witch

Rodin: Goddess. Although your witch momma ain't someone to tussle with either. But if y'all need me, I'll be out in the night, see what this New Donk City has to offer. Adios for now. (Teleports Himself Out the Room)

Dark Pit: Later, Uncle Rodin.

Kyoko: Byeeee!~

Misako: (Turns to Pitto Before Letting Out a Relax Yawn) Alright, loser!~ We probably have the whole evening to ourselves, so what we're gonna do first?

Dark Pit: Rudolph's suppose to be one in a few minutes, so....

Misako: (Turns to Pitto with Widened Eyes Along with the Others) Wait. YOU?

Kyoko: Wanted to watch a Christmas Special?

Yoshi: (Raises an Eyebrow) You SURE Pit and Sora hasn't gotten you into Christmas spirit yet?

Dark Pit: Yes, I'm sure! Those idiots have nothing on me. (Turns Away While Rubbing the Back of his Head) I just thought a story about some dumb reindeer is worth watching for a half an hour or two is all.....

Yoshi/Misako/Kyoko: (Stares at Pitto Unconvinced) Uh-huh. Sure.

@cyber-wildcat

@ma-lemons

@albion-93

@caleb13frede

@bestpony666

@ink-correctsmashbrosbloo

[izzy-b-hands]

He’s Just One More

Flashback and forthing Blackhands, from friendship to very undefined/needs to be talked about but that shit ain’t gonna happen for ages More of Some Sort

Centering around Izzy ‘hey if I’m sick in some way I definitely should fight being made better as hard as possible bc I’m convinced I don’t deserve it’ Hands fdlaksjlsa (no one at me abt projecting on a character rn either fdskalfjaslk)

Title from JCSS bc we’re watching various versions rn and this particular lyric smacked me along with this story idea in the shower like Norman Bates if he was really bad at stabbing, so it basically Has to Stay as the title I think (plus there’s elements of the story that can be thought abt in relation to the idea of that phrase, Izzy as Just One More child to his mother, person Ed knows, pirate, etc)

---

“You look like shit.”

Izzy nods. “So I’ve heard.”

“You’re either taking him off my hands, or you aren’t,” his mother repeats to Ed’s mum. “Which is it?”

“I can’t take-”

“Then if he lives, he lives,” his mother continues on with her laundry folding, all in rapid fire rhythm, not a hem missing in meeting its brother. “And if he dies-”

“Ed, grab him.”

He hears his mother’s shouts, demands for some compensation, but she won’t pursue it. She didn’t with his older siblings, and she won’t with the ones that come after him either. They stay with her until they’re no longer useful, or can’t work, or simply don’t amuse her anymore.

“Of little use, breathing or dead.”

“What’s that?” Ed asks, holding him up and hustling him along the beach towards home.

“Nothing. Just something she used to s-”

“Fuck what she has to say,” he scoffs. “She was going to let you die.”

“I know. I was expecting it.”

“Well, start expecting something different.”

--

“You look like fucking shit,” Jim frowns. “The fuck is wrong with you?”

“Stuck on this godforsaken ship in this godforsaken storm, just like you,” Izzy spits back.

“I didn’t mean the seasick thing,” Jim continues. “That’s all of us right now.”

They nod in warning, and duck their head away to vomit over the rail.

“So I see. Is there any task you’re requiring guidance or assistance with then?”

“No, but you-”

“Call if you need me,” Izzy interrupts and does his best to stalk away, inflamed foot screaming in pain. It feels like laying his foot down slowly on a boiling hot pan with every step.

It’s not how Blackbeard would have handled traveling near this storm. But then, this is the Kraken. This is different, and how he feels-

He cuts off his own thought with an audible grumble and pushes it away.

--

“Israel Basilica Hands, you will eat,” Mother Teach shoves the bowl of oatmeal into his hands. “Your mother is going around taking bets on when you’ll die.“

“Let’s make sure we’re off by at least one day either direction then.”

“Edward! I wash my hands of him for now!”

“No, hey,” Izzy protests, but she only gives him a smirk.

“Izzy!” Ed thunders in the front door and has it sussed out in a heartbeat. “Not eating?”

“Not exactly.”

“Iz,” he drops onto Izzy’s lap, nearly onto the bowl. “I could be out making money right now, couldn’t I?”

“Making money,” Mother Teach scoffs. She’s well aware the two of them don’t work any sort of traditional job (how could they, with the rumor that Ed killed his father, and that if Izzy didn’t help, he at least knew), hates talking about the rich visitors they rob, but can’t ever manage to not comment on it.

She’s a proper mum, in that way. Different from his own, and while it drives Ed mad, it’s almost endearing to Izzy.

“If I start to eat, will you go back out to work?”

“Dunno. You’ll have to start eating, and we’ll see.” 

“Oh look,” Mother Teach shoves a bowl into Ed’s hands. “Where did this come from?”

“Mum, I can eat lat-”

If looks could kill, their faces would be melting off into their oatmeal.

“Thank you,” Ed smiles instead, but shakes his head as soon as she heads outside again. “You have to just eat when she gives you stuff. We can’t keep doing this and-”

He sits up, stares at the oatmeal, and then at Izzy. “You’re doing this so I wind up eating lunch with you, aren’t you?”

Izzy shrugs, and begrudgingly digs in. It isn’t that any of the food is ever bad, he just hates the idea of living when his mother wants him alive, or dying right as she wants him dead.

“Is nice to eat again. Not doing that well out there, today.”

“In other words, had you not been near enough to hear your mum call for you just now, you’d be running around still and not eating until dinner, right?”

Ed smirks, and shrugs, and digs in just before his mum leans in the doorway to check on them.

--

Frenchie takes the square plate from him. “I don’t mind taking it back with mine.”

“I can take my things back to the galley on my own,” Izzy reaches for his cane, and the plate again. “I’m a grown fucking man, for pity’s sake.”

“Yeah, who has a foot swollen like a fucking...” Fang studies Izzy’s foot. “Huh. Frenchie, we need fruits set up for comparison sizing, don’t we?”

“I mean, I’d put that about small coconut at least,” Frenchie says. “All the more reason to just let me walk all our fucking plates back at once!”

He puts his hand down, and settles back into his spot sat on the deck. “You make a good point. Thank you.”

“Sorry, what?”

“He won’t repeat it,” Fang says. “Just soak it in now. He gets easier to deal with when he’s sick. Well, in some ways. Other ways he gets worse.”

“I’d noticed.”

Izzy waits until Frenchie is out of earshot before turning to Fang. “You really think it’s that bad?”

“Your foot? I feel like if you have to ask, you already know the answer,” Fang replies. “But yeah. You gotta tell Ed.”

“Blackbeard is busy keeping us alive.”

“I didn’t say Blackbeard,” Fang insists. “That’s been more a title than anything else for years, hasn’t it?”

“The fuck is this all coming from?”

“Because if you die, what the fuck do you think eventually happens to the rest of us?” Fang hisses. “Stop being so fucking selfish, and tell him to find you help before that rots off and takes you with it!”

He can only blink, and nod. “Thank you, Fang. For your honesty.”

Fang shakes his head, but he does let out a short laugh. “You’re welcome. You’re fucking weird as ever, but you’re welcome.”

--

“We don’t have the money for it,” Izzy shakes his head, or he feels like he might be. Then again, the fever has him shaking randomly in general, so even if he hasn’t shaken it yet, he’ll get to it.

“I’m sorry, are either of you the head of this household?” Mother Teach snaps.

He can see the thought in Ed’s head. Technically, if they polled anyone else in town, they would unfortunately hand that title to Ed, not his mum.

In reality, she’s the adult and the one bringing in the most funds, and so it’s on her order that they wrap up as warmly as possible and head out together.

The nearest, better doctor is visiting a few miles away. If they go under cover of night, they’ll get there faster.

“If I die, just leave me out here,” Izzy mutters, shivering in Ed’s grasp as they stumble forwards over rock and root and occasional sand.

“I will do no such thing. You wouldn’t leave me out here.”

“Maybe I would.”

“You can’t fucking lie for shit,” Ed laughs. “Why do you even try?”

“Bad habit?”

Ed punches his side playfully out of habit, then winces. “I forgot! Fuck-”

“I’m okay,” Izzy grimaces. “Whatever is going wrong in there wasn’t going to suddenly start going right, with or without the extra punch.”

Ed giggles. “I could have helped kill you! Don’t make me laugh about that.”

“Well, now I’ve got to tell jokes the whole fucking way!”

“You’re terrible.”

“You’re wavy.”

“...you might need to sit down for a moment.”

They drop into a copse of trees, some felled and left to create a semi-covered pocket of leaves and branches to hide in.

Soon, they’ll be too old and too big to hide in spots like this. Well, Ed might get there, at least.

Izzy can accept, as he passes out there in Ed’s arms, that he might not.

--

“The crew has requested I bring it to your attention,” Izzy finishes quickly. “I regret I couldn’t take care of it myself.”

“Ew,” Ed stares at his foot. “Is that from...oh.”

He gulps. “If you cover that back up with your sock right now, I swear I’ll find us a port to stop at and get you looked over. You can afford it, right?”

“I’ve rings yet hoarded away I could sell,” Izzy nods.

“Good. Next port, we’ll find someone,” Ed shakes his head. “How did you let it get that bad, Iz? You’re my first mate; you’re supposed to know when to ask for help! How the fuck am I supposed to trust-”

He pauses. “Never mind. Go on about your work. I’ll update yourself and the crew on the new destination shortly.”

Izzy staggers back outside, grateful for his cane, yet pondering what he might get for it. He won’t sell the ring on the knot of his scarf, but aside from that one, he’s only a couple others left.

That might not be enough for whatever a surgeon will say needs doing on his foot.

“He said yes, right?” Fang asks, coming up beside him as he makes his way onto the deck.

“He did. So long as I can afford it, and I’ll make sure I can. Worry not.”

“I think we should still be worrying a little.”

“I think Ed will tell us if we need to worry or not.”

Fang’s eyes meet his, just for a second. “I think you just called him Ed instead of Kraken, or Blackbeard.”

He’s off in Frenchie’s direction before Izzy can say a word about it.

--

There’s a lot of the doctor’s visit he doesn’t remember.

But, if asked, he could recall how Ed had dragged him the rest of the way to the next village over (and yes, they were older teens, but it was dark and they were tired and no amount of youth makes it easier to drag one’s dying friend to help.)

He could talk about Ed getting in the surgeon’s face and insisting that he do something, anything, within reason.

The surgery itself is a mystery. Ed tells him later about a growth pulled from him and the warning that there could be a recurrence and that the same issues with his stomach would come up again and again as one of the few signs, and, and, and a thousand more horrifying things about his body.

What he remembers best is waking up at home, covered in the same quilt he and Ed had used to drag out to the beach as younger kids. After all, stargazing was only comfortable for so long on bare sand.

Mother Teach had never let him pay back any of it. Every time he’d slipped money somewhere she might find it later, it wound up back in his or Ed’s trouser pockets after they were cleaned.

He’d still be trying to pay her back today, if they hadn’t left.

--

“Okay, so do that then,” he hears Ed scoff. “Fine, you need more money? I have fucking money, more fucking money than you could dream of, and-”

He raises a hand to try and stop Ed, but Jim slaps it down.

“Just lay there and shush,” they hiss. “Do you know where you are?”

He peers around. It’s a room, but that’s probably not as much detail as Jim is wanting.

So he shrugs.

“Captain,” Jim stresses the word, and there’s a mush of images in his head that follow.

Mostly being carried elsewhere, then dosed with morphine, and potentially Frenchie nearly sitting on him? Why, he can’t possibly imagine.

“You look like shit,” Ed kneels by his cot, and Izzy waits for something. An order, or a complaint, or a reminder that after this is over, he needs to get his shit together.

But Ed just switches to sitting, head leaned against the edge of the cot.

--

“As if we would have let anything happen to you,” Ed scoffs, and an arm wraps around his waist. “As If I would have let anything happen to you.”

“It very nearly did regardless.”

“Well, it won’t happen again,” Ed continues and pulls him close. “We have a boat, which will lead us to where we’ll eventually steal our ship-”

“Is it ours if we haven’t stolen it yet?”

“Not with that attitude, it isn’t. Anyway, we steal our ship, and then we find our fortune. If you get sick ever again, after that, it won’t even be a worry. We’ll have money to just have a surgeon around, forever.”

“Ever ready to try and keep me alive for you?”

“And for yourself,” Ed smiles. “And to spite your mum.”

“I suppose the first and last are convincing enough,” Izzy sighs happily. “You tell your mum we’re leaving tonight?”

“Not yet. Waiting until just before we go.”

“Probably for the best. It’ll hurt no matter when or how we do this, won’t it?”

“Yeah. But it’ll be worth it.”

--

“I’ll make sure I’m worth it,” Izzy murmurs to Ed, sleeping hard, still leaned against his cot. “Every cent you have to pay for this. To keep me alive, again.”

There’s no response, but Ed’s hand flops up onto the cot, and scrabbles for a moment.

Then it clicks.

He places his hand into Ed’s, and the gloved fingers slow and curl around his.