#oh god. when was my last period?
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Why am I so tired from the grocery store and one phone all? I didn’t even do that call on my own, another person was also involved, and the call ended up way shorter and less stressful than I thought it would have been given the subject matter. If you think that the grocery store is exhausting because i don’t like grocery shopping, then you would be wrong. I actually LIKE grocery shopping for some god forsaken reason, I think it’s due to the circumstances in which I get out to grocery shop and because I have conditioned myself with Pokémon go. I think it was just the walking and trying to remember what cleaning products I needed (the grocery store has some), which was maybe tiring? Probably the walking tbh. I know I stayed up reading and then kept waking up in the night, but I still got a decent amount of sleep… time wise at least. I think so… I wasn’t really counting. Maybe it’s because it’s Friday? Why am I so eepy?
Me: does things
Me afterwards: I’m so fucking eepy
#emma posts#I mean I was talking a lot#but most of it was with someone I know#that’s less tiring#still tiring though#oh god. when was my last period?#wait. it was after the Fourth of July. it’s not time yet#am I dehydrated? hungry? was it the bad sleep? idk#probably at least two of those things
0 notes
Text
Thinking about how the entire reason Zane went along with Wu was to try to find out more about his past. Thinkinggg about how he reached his true potential after finding his father's workshop. A big chunk of his character arc in s2 focused on how badly having no family left affected him. Then he found out how father was alive and he was sooo happy... and then his father died. And then Zane died too.
#alek insanity#ninjago#zane julien#dr julien erasing zane's memories the first time he died and practically giving him a new life -> zane ending his own life once his father#died a second time is something that's in constant brain rotation. zane's sacrifice was an act of suicide#“oh. but he needed to defeat the overlord” he found an opportunity and took it. season 3 he was constantly putting himself in harms way#even though it was completely unnecessary. kinda crazy about none of the ninja knowing how fucked up he was about his dad's death#rewatching s2 like... damn zane doesnt make it another year ! and how these are the teams last interactions before everything falls apart#s3 had lloyd off doing his own thing. the love triangle threw a wrench in things. and then zane died and s4 is them picking up the pieces#guhh the period of time where zane really was dead and how messed up the ninja were. especially kai#“it shouldve been me” and it snowed at zanes funeral when kai gave the speech and he became an alchoholic#what the hell !!! whatttt the hell !!!#when zane sakd “IM GLAD YOU MADE ME” OHHH MY GOD OHHHHH MY GOD IM SICK#rant over
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
the irrevocable damage that must’ve happened when joel lost sarah. I’m stating the obvious here but like. that broken watch stays broken forever. there is no toolkit for a potential repair. there is no mending that kind of wound. the very structure of joel’s identity was pillared by his role as a father- a role he internalized- and that frame of identity was shattered the night sarah died. when something so tragic like losing a child strips away your whole sense of being, like…how do you breath air. how do you taste food. how do you feel anything but a jaded shell of a person roaming the earth aimlessly
#once again I am using the last of us to process the real world don’t text#I’m not a parent so I can’t even begin to imagine the repercussions of losing a child#but I have to imagine that becoming a parent is just a role you would internalize as basically your personality over a given period of time#like you put that into the world#that’s because of you#and you build this innate and instinctive urge to protect that child with your whole person#so what becomes of you when you see that child breathe their last breath knowing you couldn’t protect them#it’s not even just lamenting over fiction at that point bc this has unfortunately happened in the real world#I can’t#oh my god#this is my fault for starting a fifth playthrough of the game#tlou
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
in terms of how pervasive the fanon perception of tim drake as this neglected/borderline abused child of the horrific drake parents who are the worst human beings to ever live, i think it largely comes from the fact that i would bet money that 90% of the people perpetuating it just didn't have two parents who both worked.
#personal#the other ten percent comes from people trying to make him marginally interesting by pretending he's suffered more than jesus#(he hasn't he isn't even the character who's suffered most or second most in his own family and it also doesn't work)#(cuz he's still boring)#but like every time people bring up 'oh the drakes went on TRIPS for their JOBS how AWFUL' i give the most intense side eye#there was a period from when i was around 8 to 13 where my dad went on VERY long business trips for his work#like months long business trips#because again both my parents worked but he earned more money#or the fact that i spent a lot of summers with my sister and babysitters before my mom went into university teaching#because neither of them had the free time because they were WORKING#like i think these people just aren't used to having both mom and dad have jobs they need to do#plus the bit where they go hard on jack drake in particular makes me laugh because 'oh he stopped tim from being robin' yeah no shit!#if i found out my kid was robin i'd stop him!#a) unlike his predecessors or immediate successors tim has no internal drive that necessitates robin in his life#b) the last one very famously died! on the job! violently! and it turned batman into a crazy person!#as a parent jack drake is perfectly within his rights to not want his kid to be in very real and present danger#that's not him being abusive that's him being very normal#also i don't even get it because beyond people not understanding the concept of 'parents with jobs'#have some of you guys ever even read tim-centric pre-52 comics?#he doesn't mind his parents' work at all and he likes that his house has a bunch of cool artifacts and the way it's lowkey a museum#just make an oc at this point my god because it makes the tags and ao3 a fucking nightmare honestly
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sometimes I suspect autism and then I immediately push it down into the gutter and forget that I could ever have it. Like why was I so shy my kindergarten teacher who was 70 at the time and had been doing it for about 40-50 years suspected something was wrong with how shy I was and only when my sibling came during parent teacher conferences did she think this kid is a Little Normal because at least I played with them 😭 why do I walk on my toes and pace around listening to the same song on repeat for 4 hours. Why do I SUCK at making conversation irl and freeze up and feel stuck like I can't do anything when people are watching me. What is wrong with my brain other than the fact that I'm mentally a little unwell
#personal#could it all be adhd? because I do suspect that after ........21 years of being undiagnosed and reaping no support whatsoever for it#like idk how I did well in school half the time I was too bored to actually fucking listen or it was physically painful#to have to sit in a chair for an hour and 20 minutes and listen to fuckijgb TALKING#or oh thats why I reread the same page 7 times before I can just barley understand the first sentence#maybe thats why I kept forgetting all my belongings in every room to the point teachers just knew#when there was a random item in their room it was mine from last period#thats why I just completely forget what I'm gonna say AS I'M FUCKING SAYING THE GOD DAMN SENTENCE#that's why I obsess over pieces of media to the point I feel empty bored and suicidal without something to worship for 3 years#till I'm bored again.
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
getting an email this morning to say that we had The Call wasn’t the ideal thing to hear on a monday 🙃
#i was sat with my head of department in our PPA period#and he just refreshed his email and went ‘oh god 🤦🏻♀️’#in short ofsted are in tomorrow and wednesday#it’s just a section 8 as we’re a good school and it’s basically checking that still applies#but to my great displeasure the head said in the briefing we had after school that they’re looking at english maths and…. humanities 😑#i’m nervous af though#the last inspection i went through was in my first year of teaching#back when i was a baby primary school teacher#in 2016 😂#teacher tag
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
boy how do you reblog such great things
been cultivating my dash for years. i also found most of them in my drafts
#looked at my drafts to find a Rb about my day / the boy i like (☕) BUT. IT ATE JT LMAO POST IS GONE#however i will do it here and now#SO IT WAS “CULTURE DAY” TODAY BUT MOST PPL USE IT AS NON UNIFORM DAY#I go in & see ☕ in form and go to assembly blah blah blah dont see him again until 3rd period#i sit behind him in english bc we have a room change and i have an excuse hes sososo funny and talks to me like the whole time#same as biology but he got kicked out for talking too much lol#then at lunch he disappears nd im a little bummed BUT HE APPEARS FROM THE HALL AND INVITES ME#so i go and bring my friends too and we sit while he & some younger years dance#and hes dancing and slaying etc etc all flamboyant /pos /pos /pos sometimes on the stage sometimes near us#near us he looks. fucking DEAD into my eyes and sings along to the song when its like “i know you like me” or sum#NDJSBDJSBE AHHHHH#and im sat a little away from the group but he sits with me specifically#friendgroup takes a pic without me really noticing & my friend Annabelle jokingly goes “why is Bev looking at ☕ with so much love”#I laugh it off. but ohhh ny god u have no idea. i was heart eyes motherfucker the whole time#HES SO CUTE IM SCREAAAAMING WITH THE WAY HIS KIPPAH KINDA MOVES HIS HAIR & HIS NEW GLASSES & SHIRT THAT ISNT UNIFORM SO I CAN SEE HIS WAIST#UGHFJSBSKSB MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD#hes so cool its so scary to be around him#then in PE we were meant to habe just dance for the last 2 weeks but theres been no available room#our group were in the gym but we got permission to wonder around instead#☕ says “whatre you doing?” i say “walking aimlessly” and he says “OH MY GOD PERFECT SAME LETS DO IT TOGETHER”#so him & me & my friends r walking and then im like. can we play just dance in the tennis courts#So he gets it on his phone starts playing and dibs me as a partner for Girlfriend and Timber. oh my sweet lord.#GODDD HES SO PRETTY AND FUNNY AND COOL IM OBSESSED WITH HIM OH MY GOD.#so anyway. thats the answer to your question LMAOOO#loz tag#asks#beverly says stuff#the bev is gay chronicles#☕#like before i wasnt sure if i LIKE-LIKED him or if it was hyperfix or smthn. im now 100%sure i really really like him
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#it’s more so selfishness lmao#idk I’m getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I would’ve responded later calm down gosh the messages aren’t going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad you’re the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought you’d side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when I’m struggling I#apparently have zero excuse ☠️ girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that it’s okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you don’t need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently that’s more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause it’s that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes it’s horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I don’t think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesn’t give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth I’ve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think I’m lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply don’t want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because they’ll think I’m a liar anyways 🤷♀#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little you’d understand that it’s so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls …#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i’m literally going to **** ******
#i’ve been without T for a month or so because my doctor forgot to prescribe it again when my last prescription period was over bc she could#only prescribe it a year at a time. so i went in to do bloodwork because ive been having health problems like getting a light period and#PMDD a year and a half into being on T and it happened to be when she was supposed to represcribe which iwas like ok nice!#but she forgot to represcribe it so I was 2 weeks without it before I realized that hmm something probably happened#so I called her and she fixed it. then the pharmacy told me that they're out of stock. so I called them to find out when it'd be in stock.#then they said it's in stock but she prescribed me the 10mL bottle when my insurance doesn't cover that. so I called her again to fix that.#and she said that she didn't prescribe me that because why would she when my shots aren't even close to 1 mL? so I called the pharmacy#and they said yeah idk who said that it's wrong. your T will be ready later today. I go to pick it up and quite literally the moment I pull#up to the window the pharmacists pull down the shade that says they're closed on lunch. so ive had horrible mental health and physical symp#oms for the past month because I've been without t right? so I thought okay when I come back home from moving out of my apt#because my pharmacy is in my hometown; then ill get my T. and then once I get my T I can start my new medication because I want my levels t#stabilize before we introduce something new into the ecosystem. and im cleaning my apartment today and going through bags and shit and lo a#behold? there are four fucking boxes of T sitting in a bag in my closet JUST LIKE I THOUGHT! I JUST COULD NOT FIND THEM so ive been going#through hell for fucking nothing. for literally nothing. and I was like oh my god okay I have my T I should go and pick up my new medicatio#and I go to get my shoes on and look at the clock and it's 5:01. they close at 5.#and I have my appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday where shes going to ask me how it's been starting my medication and im going to#have to tell her I havent started and im not better at all and im so new to her im nervous what she will say. sorry for being crazy. im not#good at this or medication. sorry. do you want me to kill myself ill do it in front of you if that would help. AUGHHHHGHHGHGHHHHHHHHHHGGHGH#NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH SHIT IN MY APARTMENT BECAUSE ITS SO SMALL THAT I COULD NOT FIND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION#I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME OUTTTTTT (in my brain)
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i said i wouldn’t do it this time but it’s 3am and mods asleep. boy
#welcome to another episode of Luke is insane abt hockey boy!#this time featuring a guy who is actually this time almost (ALMOST) confirmed to be queer#the almost is partly me being insane because I don’t trust anything anymore#but like. there are only so many reasons you wear pride converse. that is not ally behaviour#it just threw me this time I think bc I’d been like no. heterosexual. bc I think I became aware of him when he joined the real hockey team#because the OTHER problem is that the whole time I’d been thinking he was cute as hell (bc he is) and simultaneously being like no. bad.#anyway this meant that I have actually talked to him a bunch without overthinking it this term which honestly has been very cool#not like a whole lot but we’ve played together a decent amount and hopefully will keep doing that#and yesterday discovered hes recommending other people talk to me abt goalieing which is insane to me bc I am truly not that good#but apparently I made an impression!#anyway it does not help that this guy has gotten incredibly good at hockey in the past few months#idk man I make bad decisions (I say as if this was a decision) bc it is now the end of term once again <3#which means absolutely nothing can or will happen until after summer. which isn’t an issue#I’m just frustrated by my tendency to realise these things right before I’m about to not see the guy for X period of time#I also desperately need to stop crushing on hockey boys I swear but in my defence that is the main way I meet people#I think I’m cursed actually. that would explain many things#anyway he also has exams until next Tuesday which means he’ll be at hockey next week but idk abt this week which is devastating#i just wanna have talk to the guy more honestly to see how that goes bc we’ve not rlly talked individually for an extended time yknow.#in other words we have not had A Conversation it’s been groups or like quicker exchanges#he’s kinda quiet but i can’t quite tell which way yknow. I know he’s Watching basically all the time. and he is slightly awkward#which is also kinda cute. he gets a lil rambly when he talks abt hockey and I wanna push that button more#i. topsy if you’re reading this you’re gonna laugh so hard I just realised. he’s captain of the team now.#which sidenote is INSANE bc he started playing with them THIS YEAR#but oh my god. okay.#anyway. I need to start complimenting guys more for multiple reasons but also#1. he dresses very cool 2. he caught me looking at his shirt last week without saying anything (BEFORE I caught the rainbow converse)#i compliment women on their clothes and jewellery and hair and shit all the time but I do not with men bc. I mean do I need to explain.#but this is so unfair I am haunted by existence of boy and here we are once again. posting on tumblr with the possibility of seeing him lik#two more times before summer. might be three or four depending on what he comes to#luke.txt
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I miss my law and order phase sgdgdgdgdg
#ive thought ab getting into it again but last time i tried i got really bummed out bc i was really depressed during that period sgdshdgdgd#same with criminal minds like i cant get back into it (1-5 anything after 6 is iffy and i stopped when thomas left)#like i wish i could back into them but god i just cant man :/#ive tried but nah i just get sucked back into that depression zone and start thinking im a loser for still not being fulltime#(i was heavily depressed ab not being able to get a job during these phases) even though im good at my job and would be good at fulltime#if i could physically handle it but at least for now i cannot and thats okay#but the brain gremlins are like oh ho! remember where we were mentally when we last did this? ho ho not much better are we haha!#so to beat away the gremlins i must stay awaaaaay dgdgfhfh#wouldnt mind watching pnf every day again though but i want that on a dvd set :((
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok fr last one but there's actually a bootleg of my school's anastasia and i'm linking it bc you all NEED to understand that my infatuation with this one girl's voice which started when i was in the 6th grade and still hasn't really worn off isn't based on nothing
#brielle's the one in the n95 mask (the video is too grainy to actually make out any of the ensemble's faces but she stands out)#and i'm the in my 'teenage tboy's diy first short haircut' era in every scene she's in#apart from everything abt the girl who plays anya. the tea on everyone else is that our director liked the boy who played gleb's voice so#much that she actually lowered some if not all of his parts to be in his range. the guy who played vlad was a total diva and uhm. the phras#'peaked in high school' has been tossed around at him a lot. and the fact that he came back to sub the year after he graduated isn't helpin#his case. also he pressured the girl who played anya's grandmother into wearing old age makeup + spray her hair grey bc he decided he was#going to wear it and since she's supposed to be older than him she had to too and used to waltz into the girls' changing room whenever he#wanted. everyone was like super shocked during auditions though bc we all thought he was a shoe-in for dimitry esp since seniors get#priority casting bc it's their last chance. but at callbacks (we had singing auditions via video and dance auditions in person and callback#were tacked on to the dance auditions) he kinda flubbed his song and then this freshman. who was with us via google meet bc he literally ha#covid at the time absolutely blew him out of the water and i remember walking away w brielle like 'holy shit [first name] [last name] just#lost a part to a freshman' (he's the kind of person you just have to full name otherwise it sounds wrong). that said i do think he made a#much better vlad then he would've made a dimitry and while he is. a lot. he's always been nice to me and i did briefly idolize him and his#stage presence way i did anya's singing voice but that faded when i got into hs and started actually observing his prima donna ways#(the one production we were in together before in middle school we didn't have any scenes together). the girl who played the grandma#actually shouted me out in cast circle and that's the only time that's ever happened to me. also i'm p sure her dad is/was dating someone m#dad and by extension myself work with so that's. Oh My God. like she (the one who works for my dad) brought him w her to a comedy show as i#think her bf but i'm not 100% sure and when he found out what school i went to he mentioned his daughter went there and despite the fact#that i basically have a script for when people ask me that question bc i do NOT pay attention to most of my fellow students and don't know#anyone i was like 'holy shit' bc i actually did. hm what else. the guy who played the tsar and i used to shittalk bad period dramas#backstage during the first part of act 2. also during the press conference scene i need you to picture all the bolshevik soldiers and#romanov royals doing the macarena behind the curtain bc that was absolutely what we were doing back there. speaking of the press conference#the really high singing w/o a clear source was actually anya standing behind the curtain on the other side of the stage bc she's the only#one who physically could sing the part. also in regards to the bolshevik soldiers. we were originally supposed to have wooden rifles but fo#some reason our director took them out so we had to just walk menacingly towards the romanovs. you can't rlly see me that well in that scen#but that jacket would NOT stay closed and for 2/3 performances i had to awkwardly hold it closed the entire time. luckily the one that was#filmed was the one where i was smart enough to bring safety pins and also saved like all of the ballerinas bc their costumes all started#falling apart at once backstage.#romeo.txt#theatreposting
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
finally learning emotional intelligence as an adult in my 30s feels like playing with goddamn tinker toys while i watch other people my age building these beautiful emotional ecosystems out of hand carved mahogany. but the alternative is to continue being glib and dismissive of every emotion i experience for the rest of my life so 👍 pass me that green rod i guess. and do you see any more hubs
#at some point last fall i visited my parents and was telling them about my plants#i had just bought a nerve plant aka fittonia#i got her because nerve plants are famous for wilting dramatically when their water conditions aren't just right#i thought it was interesting and funny and maybe a good way to keep an eye on my plant area. catch any moisture problems early#bit of a canary in a coal mine idea you know#anyway i told my parents about this plant#and they kind of laughed and rolled their eyes about this plant being so dramatic#and I said no. you see. i like a plant that communicates its needs#and i swear to God#i could See the thought passing through their eyes for the first time#that that might be a good thing#oh i think I'm gonna scream actually#DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY YEARS I SUFFERED CRIPPLING PERIOD CRAMPS EVERY GODDAMN MONTH AND NEVER TOLD ANYONE#by the way. nerve plants are fine after you water them. once you fix the problem they perk right back up again#my parents did their best. and frankly i think there's someone to be said that they raised an autistic child without traumatizing me#my depression and shit didn't appear until high school when i had to start interacting with the wider more complex world in earnest#and didn't have the tools for it#but my childhood of being given art supplies and left to my own devices was pretty chill#but i do wish unhappiness and discomfort hadn't been. like. something to be avoided or fixed immediately so no one had to talk about it#anyway. the birdcage is a good movie
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I am so, so sick of well-meaning women telling me that "there's still time" to have a baby. Like, it's so exasperating I'm not even mad about it, but like: I am not going to have a baby. Ever. I am not making a new human in my body. I will continue to wish that I had had BOTH ovaries out and I will continue to tell people of that wish. But I am never going to be pregnant. I didn't want to when I was a kid, or a teenager, or a college student, or a working 20-something, or a depressed 30-something. I do not want to be a mom. Some people will never understand that, but god.
I am an auntie. That's what I've always wanted to be and that's what I am. FFS.
#personal#like I'm genuinely not even mad about it#I just wish that people would stfu about it#‟you never know!‟#Oh I'm pretty sure I do#it's bad enough that visiting a new gyno last month I was asked#‟how many pregnancies and how many births?‟#like it was a GIVEN#like I identify as a woman but my quality of life went DOWN when I started having periods#god
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
ive been trying to get in the habit of saying modeh ani every morning since november and i haven't gotten the hang of it still it's so annoying
#i go through periods where i do more often than others but it's very very rare that i actually remember to do it when waking up#like idk getting in the habit of tying my shoes the halakhic way last summer was much easier than this#txt#the only times when i remember to do it immediately are sometimes when I've woken up next to someone#bc my thought process is oh i should say good morning to them -> oh i should say good morning to god
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#Transitionary periods of life are So! Stressful!!#I hate getting texts and stuff from friends and family like ‘did you get into [prestigious university i applied for] yet?’#like. No! they only let in like 15% of applicants! it’s going to take them a while to decide!!#and their immediate follow-up question is ‘when will you find out?’#That information! is NOWHERE. on their WEBSITE!!!#plus we just had three snow days at work and I missed out on like 20 of my work hours for last week#so my paycheck is gonna be super slim on Friday!#and I have not bought groceries in a while!#thank god I have a remote job or I would probably be freezing my ass off in a tent right now! (woo precarious situations!)#oh. and I have my comprehensive exams to prepare for too.#I have three weekends to write three 5 page (single-spaced; 10 if they’re double-spaced) research papers#these three weekends will be happening in March.#that’s. not very far away from us right now. I got. a few weeks. tops. to prepare for this.#and I did do a lot of prep work already. I took a capstone course. I did an independent study#and I read a LOT of stuff about phonetics/phonology last month#but like. I won’t know the questions until the weekend I have to write the paper. 5 pages in 2 days. that’s stressful.#i am suprised I’m not wearing a rut in the floor from pacing so much!#I will be going insane. through no fault of my own. (unless you count giving up a cushy job and moving internationally a fault? yeah ok)
1 note
·
View note