#oh god i am one dramatic snek

[lem-birb]

Artfight 2023: Recap

just sharing this year's artfight works and some thoughts on the character and my process in an attempt to start talking more (i should really work on my social skills 💀) please read it if you're interested 👉👈

[character || owner] *owner's names are the ones on artfight

Xenith || lemonteaaa_

i have had this character bookmarked since last year and wanted to draw so bad, he just looks so cool like he can actually be a canon character in genshin, i just had to draw him! i loved reading about him and the entire time i was lowkey brainrotting about how this character would actually be in game.

i took inspo from the official genshin character birthday arts and i think i did a pretty good job. it took me so long to actually finish this one and i worked on it on and off since life was getting busy too. my hands hurt so much drawing all the details but omg was it worth it.

Briorsena || Tarphi

also a character i had bookmarked last year and actually planned for a mass attack but that was a bit out of my skillset so i thought of a different approach and i loved her knight vibe so i thought of this dramatic portrait thing then i blacked out and suddenly its a tarot card lol

the character is so cool and detailed, it was also pain for my hands and the armor was a struggle but i had to do her justice. especially her weapon! i loved the design of it it looks so epic!! although i wouldve loved to know more about the character and her story. aksfdl i love lady knights, so cool

Euryale || WitchyTwink

the next target is a friend's and oh my god is the design so cool, the medusa vibe and glowing galaxy hair is my favorite elements. its the perfect character for the death card.

the hardest part was the skeleton and i was mentally chanting to myself "it doesnt have to be accurate, it doesnt have to be accurate" while i slowly go insane with each rib. but i had fun drawing the sneks and making everything glow and stuff. although i think i made it look more underwater than galaxy now that i look at it again hhhhh

Fern || gluecats

the cutest lil bean!!! shes so adorable!!! it took a bit of thinking of which she fit in but the sun is perfect. her design is so simple and cute but i took the liberty of changing her outfit a bit. i also love her unique hair braid! i wish i gotten to know this character more but alas

i took a shot at doing some backlighting but i think i still need to work on that hehe... also the sunflower brush saved my sanity because if i had to draw and paint each flower i wouldve cried (thanks to poobit who made it! there are some bits where the brush kinda did an oopsie and i only now notice it)

other thoughts:

i really liked the idea of the dnd tarot card themed attack so i will be doing this too for next year's artfight! i will keep on doing these until i've completed the major arcana! so please look forward to that!

i would think i gotten better at art this year but only a fraction since i havent gotten to draw in a long while and i missed doing this full illustrations and i think i want to do more!

life was a bit busy this july with graduating and other stuff so i only got to do 4 attacks (and a 5th one i didnt get to finish so hopefully i can attack it next year!)

if you've read this far, thank you so much!

i am on this whole self-improvement thing and one of those steps is getting out of my shell, i really need to be more social so if you're still reading, drop a comment or message me cuz i'd love to make more friends and moots on here <3

[ghoulluck]

looks like i have a new otp, scoot over geralt x jaskier, you ain’t shit compared to aiden and lambert oh god i’m gonna cry again why did i write that drabble because now i’m imaginging it all and i am in piecessssssssssssss oh i’m gonna start sobbing

i’m too powerful

other people are writing an au based off it and i must read it

i must have my heart broken. here’s a photo of me being dramatic while red is like uhm?

[im-a-space-gay]

Friendships DESTROYED

Gay Gamers AU. Also this is mostly unedited because I couldn’t muster up the effort to read over it.

Before Virgil went to Florida

~~~~~

“Hello everybody!” Roman said, running around the lobby. “Prince_Of_Creativity here, and today I am with the other Gay Gamers, Mor-Pal-Ity, CoolLogic101, and Anxie_Tea&Biscuits—“

“Hi!”

“Salutations.”

“‘Sup.”

“— and my brother and his crew, Duke_Of_DEATH, SneakySnekBoi, Sleepislife and Picartoons, and today we are playing Among Us. Now, I hear Snek is good at explaining things, so would you care to explain the rules?”

“Not at all. Among Us is an online game where there are four to ten players. The crewmate’s goal is to defeat the imposters, either by completing all their tasks or by voting them off. The imposter’s goal is to kill everybody they possibly can and sabotage equipment. There can be up to three imposter’s per game depending on the settings; however there will only be one imposter for this video, then the next will bump it up to two, and finally three.”

“Thank you Snek,” Roman said. “Now, let’s ruin each other’s trust, shall we?”

——

“Oh my god,” Remy groaned as Snek won. “Gurl, you always win when you’re imposter! How did we not guess sooner?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.”

“No joke, if I’m imposter next round, I’m killing you out of spite,” Remy said dead serious, and everyone laughed.

The next round started, and Virgil muted himself like everybody else before evil laughing.

“I’m the imposter! Now, over the course of the game, I have been analyzing everybody’s moves, and have a solid strategy. Nerdy, I know.”

Virgil pretended to do tasks as he explained.

“First, we’ll kill Snek, because most the time he figures out who it is lightning quick, and thanks to Remy, they’ll probably accuse him for killing Snek. So, Snek first, Remus next, and if Remy hasn’t been voted off by then, kill him, and then Emile. I’ll save the other Gay Gamers last because they have been quick to defend me the last few rounds when I was in fishy situations, and knowing them they’ll tear each other apart from the inside accusing each other. Then I’ll kill Patton, then Logan, and I’m home free.”

Virgil was quick to spin in a circle with Snek, a nonverbal way to pack together with trust before they walked away from everybody else.

“Of course, there will be other things screwing up my master plan, but oh well. It’ll end with me winning or losing, and I’m perfectly fine with either.”

They entered electrical, and Virgil killed Snek before venting to the other side of the map, where once he left the room he saw Patton and Logan together and stuck with them so he had an alibi.

A couple minutes went by before somebody found Snek’s body. Surprisingly, Remus found it and immediately shouted:

“REMY YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

“Wait wait wait babes I didn’t do it!”

“UH HUH. THEN WHY DID I FIND MY BEST FRIEND’S BODY IN ELECTRICAL OF ALL PLACES?! AND YOU THREATENED HIM LAST ROUND!”

“Okay, let’s think about how I’m not the only meme-y one—“

“I don’t know Remy that seems awfully suspicious,” Roman said accusingly.

“Dude, what about Anx—“

“HE WOULD NEVER!” Both Patton and Logan said loudly.

“Besides, he’s been with us for a while now,” Logan said, and Virgil smirked.

“Yeah Remy, I’m starting to think it might be you,” Emile said, Virgil smiling more.

“What’s Anx’s opinion?” Roman asked, and Virgil thanked his years in voice acting.

“Well, Remy does seem suspicious, but honestly we don’t have enough information for me to feel comfortable outright accusing him at this point.”

“I agree with Anxie,” Patton said, voting. “Let’s just skip this one until we have more evidence.”

They all agreed and Virgil tried not to laugh even if he was now muted, following Logan and Patton again. When there was an intersection, Virgil turned off the lights, knowing they’d be essentially useless when turning the lights back on.

He split from Logan and Patton, hoping they wouldn’t notice as he looked for Remus. It was easy enough to find him, snapping his neck before venting away. By the time he was able to kill again, he saw Remy trying to swipe his card and killed him as well before venting.

Virgil snickered. He could see it now; Remy yelling in the call for dead people while Snek laughed, Remus probably saying something crude. Remy probably going like “I told you so” as he followed Virgil, cussing loudly.

He walked around, killing Emile once he found them and actually managing to find Logan and Patton again.

It appeared Roman found a body, as a meeting was called and Patton gasped, probably at all the people dead.

“Okay, that is a LOT more dead people than I remember,” Virgil said, holding down his laughs knowing that the dead people could still hear him.

“So it’s down to us,” Roman said dramatically before continuing. “I think it’s Logan, because Patt is terrible at lying and I feel like we would know if it was Anx.”

“Actually, it’s you,” Logan said in the perfect way of saying Uno Reverse without saying Uno Reverse. “Because us three have been together since before the last time a dead body was found.”

And Virgil had to hold his hand to his mouth so he wouldn’t make any noise because one, they didn’t realize he separated from them, and two, he didn’t think about how that would affect their view of the Roman. Dear lord, he wish he grabbed popcorn.

After them arguing for a bit, Roman was voted off and he really had to not laugh at how the other two reacted.

He unmuted himself once his kill button became an option again, and he killed Logan before evil cackling as the victory screen appeared.

“OH MY GOD,” Roman shouted, as if the truth was surprising to him, which it probably was.

“ANX YOU ABSOLUTE SON OF BITCH,” Remy shouted as well, and Virgil’s evil laugh increased in volume and length as he listened to their reactions.

“You never saw it coming until it was knocking at your door!” He said like a villain once he stopped laughing.

“I gotta hand it to you, that was really awesome,” Snek said, being the calmest of the bunch. “Before you come back into the lobby, can you please explain everything to me; the strat, the outcome, everything!”

“Sure!” Virgil said, and he smirked when they all shut up, wanting to hear it for themselves. “First, I had to kill you, because you are damn good at murder mysteries. It was just really convenient that not only did you go to electrical, but Remy had threatened you last round.”

“Fucking piece of shit,” Remy mumbled.

“Then, act like I normally do, meaning I couldn’t agree that we voted Remy off, I just had to hope it happened. Shut off the lights because we’re useless fixing stuff like that, plus it gave me a chance to sneak away from Logan and Patton without them noticing. Killed Remus because he is way too reckless in voting people off meaning it was unpredictable, and Remy would most likely be voted off because Remus was the one who planted the idea in your heads that Remy was guilty.”

“Fucking. Piece. Of shit.”

“Upon realizing that nobody had found his body or turned the lights back on, I killed Remy when I found him, same method for Emile, and rejoined Logan and Patton and waited till somebody found a body.”

“Fucking simp. Leaving them and my brother alive,” Remus said, and Virgil smirked.

“Actually, it’s the other way around.”

“Huh?”

“Throughout my time of knowing and recording with the other three, I knew that they wouldn’t accuse me unless they had no choice. Therefore, I had to make them the last to go.”

“Genius,” Snek whispered in awe. “Absolute genius.”

“Honestly,” Virgil continued, ignoring the slight heat in his face. “Once somebody found a body I was going to insist to skip the vote, kill Patton, and watch the other two tear each other apart and ‘reluctantly’ side with one of them. I didn’t take into account one thing however.”

“It was just you and those three, meaning Roman was alone,” Snek said, and Virgil nodded even though he knew they wouldn’t see him.

“Yep. It was just too easy to vote Roman off and kill one of the others once I had the chance, winning my first game as imposter.”

“I feel tricked. I feel like a fiddle who’s been played with,” Roman said, utter betrayal in his voice as the other two Gay Gamers agreed. “I do not know if I could ever see or even talk to Anx the same way again.”

“Besides the utter rage I feel,” Remy said, cutting Virgil off from apologizing. “I have to admit that I am proud of little Anxie.”

“Don’t call me that,” Virgil said with utter venom, entering the lobby and running over to the other Gay Gamers. “Only Lo, Ro, and Patty can call me that.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not as special as them,” Virgil said, smiling as he heard Emile reassure Remy he was special when he became upset.

“I take it back, this is still little innocent Anxie,” Roman said.

“Indeed. Still as harmless as ever.”

“Just a small anxious baby,” Patton finished. Virgil frowned, walking away from the others and to Snek and Remus.

“You’ve been revoked of your title of being special. You’re all evil and heartless.”

“You cannot escape us Anxie,” Roman said like a madman, following Virgil, prompting Virgil to run away, only for Roman, and soon Logan and Patton, to follow.

Virgil turned around at the last second to boop Logan before running away again.

“Tag, you’re it!”

“Oh, it is on.”

General Taglist:

@thefivecalls @antiredhuman

Gay Gamers Taglist:

@that-spider-fan-over-there @thatonerandomarmadillo

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

Dee Little Snake

Series Summary:  Janus uses age regression as a way to destress but has little control over it whenever he grows upset. Trying to keep a secret like that can be hard when you’re only four years old, and thus family bonding ensues in a way nobody expected, least of all Deceit.

Chapter 4: Deserving of Comfort

Chapter summary: Janus has been avoiding the others for a couple of days. When he finally emerges for a simple lunch and gets caught by Patton the results are better than he was expecting.

Warnings: mild angst, if there’s more please let me know.

Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @a-different-s1de @emo–nightmare

General taglist (ask to be added or removed): @janus-is-an-adorable-snek-boi  @im-an-anxious-wreck

WC: 1,708

For Janus, a simple cheese sandwich with yellow mustard would always be the superior lunch. It was easy and quick to make, it was all yellow- which definitely wasn’t a bias on his part- and it was a thing that made very little noise when putting it together or eating it. It was definitely something he liked more when the need to be stealthy arose but he still wanted to eat. Not to say he wanted to avoid anyone, he just would rather not see and/or speak to a certain side at the moment so that certain topics could remain unspoken about for the time being. Certainly the opposite of avoidance if one was desperate to put a label to it.

Still, the reptilian side couldn’t help but sneak glances over his shoulder now and then as he spread the mustard quickly but carefully over the bread and reached in the thin plastic bag for the cheese. Two slices slapped in the middle in the bread would do; then close it, close the bag, put everything back in the fridge and he was home- or rather room free. Just as he was opening the fridge he heard the whooshing of someone sinking in nearby, causing him to panic and slam the door shut accidentally. Cursing he turned just as Patton walked into the room, making him groan internally as one of the last sides he wished to see at the moment blinked at him in surprise before grinning wide and giving a small wave.

“Hey kiddo, I was wondering when I’d see you! It’s been a couple of days, I was starting to worry.”

Pressing his lips together, Janus took the time to properly close the drawer before he thought better of it and turned back around. “Sandwich Patton?”

“Oh sure! Thank you.” Patton settled down at the table with his hands tucked underneath his thighs looking like he wanted to talk but not really knowing how to start. Ignoring this Janus took the ingredients out again with the addition of ham since he knew the other liked it, bringing down another plate as the silence stretched between them.

“I’m not a kiddo Patton, I’m older than you.” As harsh as he meant it to sound there was no bite in his words as he finished the second sandwich, putting all the ingredients back into the fridge.

Patton chuckled. “I know. Just habit I guess. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

From his expression Janus could tell he actually hadn’t but he was still weary. There was a reason he kept his stress relief to himself- even Virgil was never meant to know about it. Yet here he was, two other people knowing without him saying anything and so far he really had no clue where he stood with either of them about it- and he certainly wasn’t about to suggest they all sit down to talk about it, hypocrite as it was. He could push Thomas to talk until he was hoarse, make sure the other sides knew the importance of communication until he was blue in the face, but when it came to himself and especially when it came to something like this he was the last one to want to open up about anything. It was the simple fact that the outcome of someone knowing was unknown and saying his name had been bad enough. Certain things were with keeping close to one’s chest- and something that made him- the embodiment of self preservation itself- feel vulnerable and small both literally and metaphorically was definitely something worth keeping to himself

Taking a deep breath he decided to cut the awkward air preemptively and bring it up himself, since he was sure that was why Patton was trying and failing to remain still as he ate his lunch.

“I wanted to thank you for not...for not saying anything to anyone else. Logan knowing was unexpected but I appreciate you- both of you- keeping my private affairs...private.”

Patton scrunched his face. “You’re talking about it like it’s a bad thing.”

“I am fully aware that it isn’t and I’m not saying that how either of you reacted to it would have influenced me in any way. I was just-” Janus swallowed his last bite thoughtfully as he considered how honest he wanted to be with the fatherly side. “...nervous, I suppose. For me, this kind of thing is akin to saying my true name and well, we both know how that turned out.”

Wincing, Patton nodded as he finished his own sandwich, getting up and taking Janus’ plate to the sink. “I know you told us your name as a last ditch effort for us to listen, and I know it was by complete accident that I saw you small at all, so for what it’s worth I’m sorry you’re being forced to put trust somewhere it isn’t really owed.”

Janus opened his mouth to disagree with Patton, to say that it was fine and that he had wanted to tell them his name, that it had been his choice. He wanted to say that Patton seeing him as a four year old crying because he didn’t want to eat carrots was okay actually, that he didn’t mind and it wasn't a big deal but for once he hesitated before lying. This wasn’t something to lie about- to brush aside as if it didn’t matter because it did. Two of his most closely guarded secrets were out because of circumstances he could only partly control and it hurt more than he would ever care to say. It wasn’t okay, it really truly wasn’t, and to have Patton acknowledge that was making him feel things he didn’t have the energy to process just yet. He knew he should have just asked Virgil to bring him something., but then he would’ve asked why and Janus would have had to tell him that Logan knew now and that he was up way past the time he should have been just to play with his dolls.

Shuddering at the thought his head snapped up as Patton turned around, offering a small hesitant smile as he leaned against the counter. “You have no reason to, but you can trust me. I might be loud and obnoxious at times, but I know my morals- at least more universal ones. Your secret will always be safe with me for as long as you want it to be.”

“Thank you Patton, truly.”

Janus hesitated. A hug would be nice but he didn’t want Patton giving him one out of pity or obligation; the other was notorious for putting others first at his own expense and for Thomas’ sake he didn’t want to enforce the behavior. Plus, even though he knew it was silly and untrue, he couldn’t let go of the notion that adults didn’t need hugs. Everybody needed physical reassurance at some point but it was just- weird to ask for it he supposed.

“I don’t- as much as I would love one I don’t think that’s necessary Patton thank you.”

“My offer still stands.” Patton squinted at him. “Big or little, everybody deserves hugs.”

“A little what?”

Both of them stiffened and turned to see Roman in the doorway looking between the two of them with suspicion. Janus' heart hammered in his chest even as he calmly folded his hands in front of him. How long had he been standing there? How much had he heard? Could he get away with a lie or would Patton open his mouth? Full offense to him but Janus figured he would forgive him for not fully trusting him to actually keep his mouth shut while under stress. Deciding to speak first in case the other did crack under pressure he lifted his chin and smirked.

“My tone had come across wrong and he simply told me to lighten up a little.” Raising his eyebrows at the Prince he decided to jab just a little- he had nearly given him a heart attack after all. “Very astute advice for all of us.”

Roman scowled at him and moved towards the fridge as Janus shot Patton a pointed look that made the other quickly snap his mouth shut, thankfully foregoing whatever it was that he felt he needed to add. Now was not the time and Janus was not in the mood for a half-hearted scolding to be nicer; he doubted Roman would appreciate it either. The kitchen was quiet as Roman grabbed out a plate of leftover pizza and let the fridge slam shut after him as he sunk out, making Janus roll his eyes at his antics. He had honestly thought Virgil was the most dramatic when it came to pouting over fights that had long since ended, and even if it was both parties that were in the wrong it didn’t make the others temper tantrums any less infuriating.

“You shouldn’t antagonize him.” Paton’s voice was a bit small, his shoulders drooped in a way that almost made Janus feel guilty before he brushed it aside. Everything would sort itself out eventually it would just take time. Even so-

“I know, but by god if he doesn’t make it hard not to.”

Snorting, Patton only shook his head. “I’m serious though. If you need comfort, regressed or not, you can come to me or Logan and I’m sure you know Virgil would be there for you if you needed it.”

Janus looked away quickly at that, biting his lip before he could say anything. In lieu of answering he simply opened his arms and hoped it would get him out of whatever conversation Patton was hinting at having. Huffing out a breath as he was embraced and squeezed he wrapped his arms around the other and sank gratefully into the warmth. Sitting in the embrace he allowed himself to think that maybe things wouldn’t be as bad as he thought they would be- barring Roman- the “light” side of the mindscape was a pleasant place to be. He could see why Virgil had moved over.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Janus gripped Patton’s shoulders a little bit tighter. “Thank you.”

“No problem kiddo.”

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[turning-the-frigging-frogs-gay]

What show/series/movie do you think each side likes the most?

Hi pattoncake!! Thanks for the ask, that’s such a great question!!

So Patton I think would love cheesy sitcoms because Dad, but I also think he’d definitely be a cartoon lover, we already see he has a childish side and he references spongebob, I believe it’s even on his playlist? I also think he’d adore the more heartwarming cartoons with lessons about morality, and (oh no projection alert) I think Steven Universe would be his favourite and he’d relate to Steven a lot. (but I’ll stay off my Patton-Steven comparisons because no one wants to hear that lol) In terms of movies he’d love some of the more wholesome disney movies, and probably still get emotional no matter how many times he’s seen them

Roman would love dramatic series with lots of adventure! I don’t know any off the top of my head cos I don’t actually watch that much TV, but all the big series with a load of dramatic plot that everyone ends up raving about? Roman would love those. I also think he’d be an animation lover, cartoons like she-ra and miraculous ladybug with heroes fighting to protect others I think he’d love. And of course roman is a huge Disney lover, he adores any film where a brave prince or princess (or non-binary royalty, he hopes in the future) can save the day, maybe even find true love and live happily ever after. He’s still waiting for that gay Disney prince tho.... And musicals too! I am forever pushing my musicals roman agenda, I think he’d adore TV adapted musicals like La La Land and the greatest showman, and don’t you dare tell me he hasn’t watched the Hamilton film at least 50 times.

Logan would love documentaries! He’d be fascinated by wildlife and science documentaries, anything he can learn from. But I also think he’d enjoy a series similar to sanders sides! One where information backed by research about important issues like mental health and morals are presented in an interesting and creative way, so he can learn as well as appreciating the art form

Janus loves anything crime-related. He watches crime documentaries and stuff like that, and definitely doesn’t end up yelling at the TV when he doesn’t agree with the verdict. But you know what else? Musicals. Janus’ playlist is evidence that he adores musicals like cabaret and you bet that dramatic snek boi will sing along (but don’t tell anyone or his reputation will be ruined :D) I also think he and Remus would adore the movie hocus pocus but I have no idea why

Remus, the trash boi! He will obviously love horror and not be scared at all by it. He’d especially love horror media with heavy gore, I think. But I think Remus would also be a Disney lover! He’d obviously hate how seemingly innocent most of the films are and make commentary similar to when the sides were watching frozen, but don’t tell me some of the lyrics in gay Disney prince weren’t his doing. I think he’d love the dramatic Disney villains too, I mean he even has his own Disney-villain-esque song. But you know what movie I think Remus would really enjoy? Megamind. I think he’d enjoy the humour and really appreciate the reversal of the hero-villain stereotypes.... jeez now that’s giving me ideas.... oh god don’t make a megamind au don’t make a megamind au don’t make a-

[pluckyredhead]

Rewatching the cold open for episode 3 and I am just. SLAIN by how good these are, and the character progression we see in them. Some disorganized thoughts!

Eden: I saw a post on here about Aziraphale being too low-ranking to speak to God because of the “Do you think anyone upstairs would take your call?” line, but they’re chatting directly here, and I’m very curious about how the bureaucracy of Heaven grew over time.

Mesopotamia: Crowley still has that soft friendliness (he pops up so happily to talk to Aziraphale!) and stubborn curiosity we see in Eden in the first episode. He’s is SO APPALLED by the idea of everyone being killed (the children!). And the way Aziraphale squirms as he tries to justify it even though he knows it’s wrong. It makes it so clear that both of them use disaffection as a defense mechanism later: Crowley by being all swaggery and sarcastic and lackadaisical, and Aziraphale by retreating into his books and fussiness. But the feelings are still close to the surface this early on and they’re both so visibly upset.

Golgotha: Still! So! Upset! (This scene is UPSETTING.) I don’t know how it reads for Christian viewers but for me I find this scene particularly devastating because Jesus isn’t depicted with any divinity? Like, obviously he’s the Messiah because otherwise literally nothing about the Antichrist concept and thus the story as a whole makes any sense, but the way they talk about him and the way he’s shot...he’s just a nice carpenter from Galilee whose mother loves him and who is being killed in a horrific way and I feel like the scene suggests that that’s bad enough. Anyway Crowley is slightly more sarcastic and vocally angrier at Heaven in this scene but still essentially a soft snek boy. And I feel like we’re meant to be left with the impression that they stood there all night, because they felt like they should.

“Be kind to each other.” Yeah, this scene isn’t pulling any punches.

Rome: It’s only 8 years later but Crowley is so much more bitter than he was in Golgotha. Like, radiating hostility and frustration and anger (the demand for a drink, “What kind of stupid question is that?”). Previously he’s always been the one who approached Aziraphale in essentially an open, friendly manner, but now when Aziraphale tries to strike up a conversation he’s Not Having It. Refuses to even turn slightly towards him.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale...he’s also changed dramatically, from “I am trying to do my job properly but it’s upsetting to me” to “Fuck it, let’s play games and eat delicacies.” And I feel like that, too, is a reaction to how damn hard it was to watch all those innocent people die, Jesus included.

You already know how I feel about the oysters.

Wessex: This one is boring, sorry. Mostly I just like these two essentially Middle Eastern boys complaining about the English climate. It’s also a good example of how Aziraphale has been influenced more than he thinks by the Heavenly mindset, because he consistently seems to think that the moral thing for Crowley to do is work hard at being evil rather than, like, attempt to be good. Like, there was an option there for Aziraphale to do good and utilize Crowley’s laziness/lack of real evil inclination to create a net positive result, but he seems to think that the options are either they both work hard or they both do essentially nothing.

The Globe: “I thought you said we’d be inconspicuous here.” This is the first time we see them having planned to hang out as opposed to just running into each other. (Of course, it is over a thousand years later. @ NEIL PLEASE RELEASE THE ADDITIONAL FLASHBACKS.) Anyway I could live forever in the moment where Aziraphale hurriedly says “Oh he’s not my friend” while Crowley grins wider and wider while swaying from side to side. And of COURSE Crowley doesn’t like tragedy, that’s what all the flashbacks up until now have been about!

Can we talk about how before Aziraphale didn’t want to team up because it was Wrong, but now he doesn’t want to do it because if Hell finds out, they’ll destroy Crowley? And also about how much mutual pouting there is in this scene? And also about how Crowley definitely cheated on that coin toss?

“Hard on the buttocks, horses.”

Paris: I don’t think there’s anything I can add to what’s already been said about how Aziraphale LIGHTS UP when he hears Crowley’s voice and the UNBELIEVABLE once-over he gives him when he turns around. It did make me wonder why they both settled in England when they didn’t like the climate, though. (Not to go for the low-hanging fruit but I can’t imagine Aziraphale enjoyed the food very much until, like...2003.)

St. James’s Park: Does Aziraphale just have loose bread crumbs in his hat? Anyway he is SO ANGRY when he thinks Crowley wants to kill himself, and the way he says “I’m not an idiot, Crowley...” He knows how desperately unhappy Crowley is. He knows. And Crowley is in turn so deeply hurt by the word “fraternizing” rather than anything that even vaguely implies what they mean to each other...! They’re so sad! They’re so sad and Crowley’s hat is so stupid!!!

WWII: Again, I don’t think there’s much I can add to the discourse about this absolute sledgehammer of a scene except to point out that Crowley is so concerned Aziraphale won’t like “Anthony.”

Soho: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[merinnan]

DMBJ Explore with the Note Ep 4

Explore with the Note Ep 4 watch thread! 

 Since Ep 3 had no updates to any of the counts, we start ep 4 off with the following:

Season 2 Xiaoge Rescue Count: 2 for Wu Xie, 2 for protagonists, 3 for everyone

Season 2 Wu Xie Swoon Count: 0 Season 2 Evil Hair Count: 2 

Cumulative Xiaoge Rescue Count: 12 for Wu Xie, 17 for protagonists, 18 for everyone 

Cumulative Wu Xie Swoon Count: 6 

- Now that I have some idea of the colour schemes, I can identify which opening credits shots are from flashback scenes and which are from Wu Xie era scenes 

- Ah yes, the snek fishies. A clue to consider, then forget about while we look at other things.

- Aww, he's so happy to see the baby corpse vase 

- And the paintings are far more interesting than whatever might be inside the vase. Although he's moving it around far too easily for the baby corpse to still be in there, I think

- Poor confused Wu Xie. I don't blame him. The stuff in this tomb and its design apparently places it in two different time periods which are like 1000 years apart 

- Oooh, bubbles 

- Good move on the jumping back, turning off your torch, and getting a knife ready

- Although there appears to now be light coming from the water itself 

- Hahah, it's Pangzi and Xiaoge 

- Oh, nice, this time they're not subbing Men Youping as Pokerface.

- And of course Xiaoge is the first one he asks if he's alright, and goes to help out of the water XD 

- lol, even Pangzi calling him out on that 

- Aww, he's so worried about the mark on Xiaoge's arm

- "What happened?!" 

"Oh nothing, just a demon" 

"..." 

- Ah, Pangzi knows what that is 

- ...and ofc Wu Xie only knows what it is from classic poetry texts 

 - *googles ptomaine gas* 

- Ugh, yeah, you don't want to be breathing that. Sounds unpleasant

- Wu Xie is so over everything rn 

- Except Xiaoge, anyway

- I really like S2 Pangzi. He's got the right blend of competence and humour. Comic relief without being just a caricature like S1 Pangzi 

- And Wu Xie showing off his smarts, which is cute. It's moments like these that reminds me he's got an architecture degree

- I think this is the first time we've heard Wang Zanghai's name in the dramas so far 

- And Xiaoge seems to certainly know the name and not be happy about it

- Oh, this looks like a Xiaoge flashback? 

- More fucking swimming, of course 

- But without a diving suit this time - And that's all it was. So interesting. So groundbreaking. I've never seen anyone swimming through dark murky water in this show before

- This Wu Xie is a much more expressive Wu Xie than S1. So many smiles! 

- And such a brilliant little shit 

- I'm really liking the Wu Xie/Pangzi interactions so far. Well, all of them, but these moments are so good. They're reminding me of the Chongqi interactions

- Oh, more bubbles, I'm sure this will be FINE 

- Oh, it's just the water draining out

- Pangzi complaining he can't see because of the fog, but really, I'd think the darkness would be the bigger problem. 

 - They've only got a couple of torches, and this is a large room and even larger pit that that staircase is going down into

- Wu Xie, what did you expect, asking if he can read something from such a distance? 

- And then looking at Xiaoge to see if it's going to be okay to do this 

- These steps & the twig-things on them are remarkably dry for having been submerged in water only a couple of minutes ago

- OK, now that I'm not distracted by speaking or, like, plot (or pingxie), the bgm is actually drawing my attention and dear god, yes, it really is awful and annoying 

- Hahah, dunking on both Sanshu's and Pangzi's English skills in one go

- This Wu Xie is a lovely chaos gremlin 

- Who hasn't completely lost all sense of caution yet, it seems 

- I mean, Pangzi, I'm not sure you'd be saying those things if you heard the kinds of stories Sanshu was telling bby!Wu Xie in those flashbacks 

- Then again, you probably would

- "Besides, I can't leave Xiaoge" ❤️

 - So Xiaoge probably left those marks 

- This look on Pangzi's face as Wu Xie just throws away all the caution he'd been arguing with Pangzi with to go chasing after Xiaoge XD

- I have to say, S1 was far superior in terms of set lighting. Most of the time it's so hard to make out anything. Like, I know they're meant to be in a tomb, but would it have killed them to add more set lighting so we could actually see what's going on more consistently?

- I do love this Xiaoge's unimpressed looks. 

- Oh, it's the mirror 

- Again, everything down here is so remarkably dry 

 - Dry enough to have got dusty in mere minutes!

- Intense Xiaoge Stares! All the stares, all the time, all at Wu Xie

- Ooh, old diving equipment. Well spotted. 

- That airtank being crushed like that does not seem to be a good sign 

- I'm with Pangzi. What sounds? The bgm was drowning out everything except speech

- Hahahah. Pangzi all like, no, we don't need to go up, it's not that dangerous, you're just scaring yourself. Then one mention of the Drought Demon and he's like y'know, on second thoughts.... 

- Xiaoge does like his disappearing tricks 

- And reappearing ones

- This is a good shot for a vague creepiness factor

- Baby is so worried

- Oooh, time for dramatic music while we look at dramatic skyscapes and seascapes 

- Wait, is all that water running backward? 

- I have no idea how that is meant to symbolise remembering things, but apparently it does 

- And now, a Xiaoge flashback

- The vases in the tomb 20 years ago were amazingly clean. Somehow they went somewhere between 500-1500 years staying as clean as if new, then in 20 years they got covered in waterscum.

- I am impressed at the seals on their equipment, if dude was able to bring a sketchpad along on a dive and have it be perfectly dry when he took it out to draw on. 

- And all those notebooks, too 

- The flashbacks get MUCH better set lighting

- Boys, boys, don't fight over the priceless antique porcelain like that. You're gonna drop it and break it. 

- Hahah, Xiaoge's trying so hard to ignore this girl 

- Even when she does give him something interesting to look at

- Well, that explains why all the vases were over there and in that order 20 years later for Wu Xie to find

- This kind of chatter is exactly the kind of chatter I'd expect on an excursion to look at things, or a group project. A little bit is relevant, most is just random chatter, and some might actually eventually mean something once they talk it out. It's great

- Oh, if only you knew, Wenjin. If only you knew 

- Hahah, Wenjin yelling at everyone and telling them to stay put, while Xiaoge just calmly ignores her while he puts his backpack on and walks off 

- lol, and then he just staaaaares at her until she lets him go

- Ah, she knows Sanshu so well 

- She's trying to be the grownup here 

- Poor Wenjin. She really can't win either was when she was stuck on an expedition with both Sanshu and Xiaoge

- Apparently these guys all managed to make it through the hallway without any of them triggering the traps 

- Well done, kiddos 

- Poor Wenjin playing babysitter to all these kids, though

- At least 20 years ago the stonework stayed wet after the water receding instead of mysteriously drying off 

- Well. Most of it, anyway 

- The floor, at least 

- I mean, like, kids. You didn't have to follow him. He didn't ask you to. 

- You just decided to

- Well, they were right, Sanshu was there 

- Just not the one they thought he was 

- Oh, that's a door there 

- I love the way Wu Xie and Pangzi in this tend to shine their flashlights in each other's faces to indicate "I think you're full of shit"

- Oh, clever Wenjin, the first one to figure it out 

- So much staring at each other

- Season 2 Evil Hair Count: 3 

- Though so far it's just sneaking down to tickle Wenjin's neck 

- And they go from perfectly dry corridor to wet-floored room 

- For no discernable reason

- And we end the episode mid-flashback, with them gushing over how pretty the Heavenly Palace is 

- And it really is quite pretty 

- No updates to either the Rescue Count or the Swoon Count, and only the single last-minute update to the Evil Hair Count

So, we end with:

Season 2 Xiaoge Rescue Count: 2 for Wu Xie, 2 for protagonists, 3 for everyone

Season 2 Wu Xie Swoon Count: 0

Season 2 Evil Hair Count: 3

Cumulative Xiaoge Rescue Count: 12 for Wu Xie, 17 for protagonists, 18 for everyone

Cumulative Wu Xie Swoon Count: 6

[raccoon-wizard]

The Original Snek And The Misunderstood Murder Spagurder

So I was thinking - Crowley and Loki would make one heck of a duo, wouldn’t they. Enjoy this mess that is me trying to write in present tense.

Contains gay insinuations.

Two immortal beings with a strange fondness for snakes and quite the cynical attitude towards authority, which they have acquired thanks to years and years of belittlement and ridicule, walk into a bar. Not together, separately, about fifteen minutes apart.

While both of their personalities could be described as mischievous, chaotic, disruptive and condescending; demonic to sum it up, only one of them is an actual demon. His name is Crowley and he is the first one to enter the room. He sits down at a corner table, trying not to attract attention to himself. He doesn’t really have to bother trying though, for just not wanting to be noticed was enough for him to become practically invisible to those around him. It’s just something he can do by nature - having things happen (or not happen) just by willing it. His long fiery hair is tied in a half bun, not daring to even try and fall in his eyes, which are shielded from the world by dark glasses. He sits quietly, sorting through his busy mind that is just this close to exploding from the six thousand years of being way too smart for all this crap.

The other man, although not born in Hell, is certainly someone who is more likely to be called a demon by an unknowing bystander - the god of mischief, the younger brother of Thor, Loki himself. He looks around with not much interest, but then his eyes spot the handsome stranger in the corner. Unlike the rest of the patrons, he is not human, and since Crowley does not expect anyone but them, the magic does not work on him. Loki watches him long enough for the demon to notice his shameless stare. Their eyes meet and Crowley raises his eyebrows. Loki smirks and walks to him, gesturing towards the empty seat across from him. Crowley nods and the god sits, untying his scarf and shrugging his coat off in the process.

“I wouldn’t think I would run into a magician down here on this realm,” Loki remarks.

“I’m not certain I would call myself a magician ,” Crowley replies. A waiter approaches their table and before Crowley can say anything, Loki orders a bottle of wine and two glasses. The man frowns in confusion, but doesn’t question anything, leaving them and returning within just a moment.

“Are you expecting company, sir?” the man asks. Loki simply smiles and watches as he pours two glasses of wine. The waiter leaves again and Loki turns to the demon.

“What is your name, if I may ask?” he says. “I have heard many stories about many powerful magicians, but you do not seem to… what’s the expression the mortals use? Hit a gong?”

“Ring a bell,” Crowley corrects him.

“Same thing,” Loki waves his hand dismissively. “You have to be truly powerful and… ancient, if I may say so, to be able to perform such magic without having to concentrate, and you seem to not even be doing anything. Yet I am sure I have never heard of you. And trust me, handsome men never fail to grab my attention.”

The demon does not know what part of the compliment to focus on - the part about the effortless magic? Or the other one, which made him feel quite out of place, in the same way he always felt with his angel around?

“Name’s Anthony,” he says, deciding to ignore them both. Loki’s eyes narrow slightly.

“That’s not a name for a powerful magician,” he points out.

“It is your choice whether you believe me or not,” Crowley shrugs.

“That is a fair point,” Loki admits. “Well then. I have many names, but I prefer to call myself Loki. What a pleasure to meet you, Anthony.”

Loki raises his glass towards the demon and waits for his reaction. What the heck, he thinks, not wanting to invoke Hell’s name, and grabs his own glass, gently clinking it with the god’s.

“What brings you to this realm, Anthony?” Loki asks after taking a small sip of the wine.

“I live here, actually,” he says, mentally slapping himself for trusting this complete stranger.

“Really?” Loki raises his eyebrows in surprise. “This may sound a little intrusive and… anti-Earth, but why?”

“It’s not like I had a choice,” he mumbles, turning to the side in an attempt to escape Loki’s burning gaze. The god notices what appears to be a picture of a coiled snake next to the demon’s ear.

“Are you fond of snakes?” he asks curiously.

“You could say that,” Crowley replies with a tiny smirk. “You?”

“Very much so,” Loki nods. “Not as much as my brother, however.”

“Your brother?” Crowley wonders.

“I’m sure you have heard of Thor,” Loki scoffs. “I’m his… adoptive brother. As a child, I liked to turn into a snake and… terrorise him, in a way.”

“Why have I never thought of that?” Crowley mumbles, thinking of all the times he tried to scare Aziraphale to no avail.

“You turn into a snake too?” Loki asks curiously, resting his elbows on the table and leaning towards Crowley.

“I am a snake,” Crowley says. “And I turn into… this.”

“Oh,” Loki says, a mix of surprise and curiosity in his voice. “That is quite intriguing. Care to tell me more?”

Crowley hears his mind fighting with itself, debating whether or not to trust this man and his near irresistible charm.

“Ever heard of the Garden of Eden?” he asks, his defences falling.

“That ridiculous little story about humanity’s creation?” Loki raises his eyebrows. “Why yes, I have. I find myself fond of stories in general, and the naivety of those from Midgard are sometimes a nice change from those native in Asgard.”

“Yeah, well, it’s true,” Crowley says, taking a dramatically long sip of his wine. “And you are looking at the Serpent of Eden itself.”

“You jest,” Loki chuckles. “The Serpent that tempted the first woman to the first sin?”

“The one and only,” Crowley nods.

“I’m sure this form would have made it hundred times easier, no?” Loki asks cheekily. “I mean, what woman, no matter how wise, could resist such charm?”

“Even in this form, I happen to have a… quite a distinctive snakey feature that would probably ruin all attempts,” Crowley says, a hint of sadness in his words as he once again ignores the god’s compliment.

“Try me,” Loki says, leaning back in his chair. Crowley looks at him for a moment, then sets his glass down. Gently, he grabs his shades by the hinges and slides them off his face. He waits for Loki’s reaction, but to his surprise, his face does not change.

No, it does, actually. His jaw clenches and his pupils dilate ever so slightly. Is that man into me?

“Well, Anthony,” he says slowly, his voice just a tinge deeper. “I am very… pleased to tell you that I myself could never be driven away by such rarity, rether, I would probably find myself tempted by it instantly.”

Crowley swallows dryly, suddenly very aware of everything. Of the dark, intimate setting of the pub, of the man’s strange closeness and openness despite still leaning back and his arms being crossed on his chest, of the light buzz the wine caused his brain to feel. Only now does he realise that it was no ordinary wine. He puts his glasses back on and closes his eyes for a brief moment, willing for the alcohol to be banished from his system without the god noticing. Now that his mind is as clear and sharp as ever, he sets on letting him know he is barking at the wrong tree.

“I wouldn’t know,” he says. “Temptations never worked on me.”

Loki’s eyes twitch slightly. “Is that so, my snake friend?”

“Unfortunately,” he nods. Crowley cannot tell what the god thinks, so he feels a sense of relief when he smiles and uncrosses his arms and instead crosses his legs.

That afternoon, they each gain something they would have never expected to get. Crowley, who expected nothing at all, found a soul that was just as lost as he was. Loki, who was looking for some intimacy, actually stumbled upon it, but it was of such a different kind it took his breath away.

Two immortal beings with a strange fondness for snakes and quite the cynical attitude towards authority, which they have acquired thanks to years and years of belittlement and ridicule, walk into a bar. Not together, separately, about fifteen minutes apart. Out they walk side by side, with mischievous smirks on their faces; two newfound friends that are very much aware of the chaotic potential their bond carries.

[parf-fan]

Unsolicited and incomplete list of highlights from Improv Technology’s May 23rd show

In little-to-no particular order.

“I thought we weren’t doing a musical”

Alexis transforming herself into Don Alonso.

Davis Handle

Michael Stahler doing a live Animal Planet special with Hoagie and Milo.

“Which Brady Bunch am I??”

Jonathan's entire hotel experience.

“I wanna be entirely clear, visible, vulnerable, perhaps supple, and maybe even emotionally contemplative with the press.”

Alex's face immediately after Chat Roulette.

Alexis loudly bursting into a vaguely Scottishy-piratey accent.

Michael getting to do a quick science talk during Objection.

Jonathan's ASMR persona stabbing themself in the eye with their glasses.

Joe's genuinely brilliant hosting.

“Who among us has not slapped through Jonathan before?”

Most likely to start an improv show eight minutes late.

“What number show is this for you guys?”

“I can hear you as clearly as I can hear your sins!”

“We doin' a show y'all?”

“I will say that my dog just leaped off of an— anyway.”

“Holy bananas.”

“No. This is just a personal Alexis-to-Jonathan threat.”

Michael trying to start a joke three times in One-Eighty-Five before managing it.

Michael's video freezing in the middle of the joke.

Michael patterspeaking to make up for it.

Alex in Press Conference as Batman changing his superhero name to Bearman.

Everybody's reactions to hearing that prompt.

This is the second time Alex has been Batman in an Improv Technology show.

the crimes that you kermitted

“You the bitch Satan lookin' for.” “I am the bitch Satan's looking for!”

Katelyn tapping on Weston

“Yo, you were just possessed there for a moment, that was beautiful.”

The gross Zoom incompetency of this show.  Literally, I was crying from laughter.  This must be what Disasterpiece is like in-universe.

“...facebook dot com, you know, the website?”

“Not you, though.  You are the worst child I've ever read to.”

Joe's description of Alexis completely fitting Michael, too.

“ComPLaINtS??? WE've gotten WRitTeN COmpLAiNts!!!!”

“Church had gotten boring.”

“In honor of Adam Shepley:” *dramatically opens carbonated drink*

“I have to stop a disaster, one second, my dog's about to jump on my cat, one second.”

Everybody's faces at that.

“Yeah, I can make up some references to a show I haven't seen.”

Alexis's little grin when Haley brings up otters.

Michael quietly threatening the audience to coerce them into donating.

“Mike, stop talking to them.” “I—I– I wasn't! I wasn't.”

Michael continuing to quietly threaten.

“Is the dog back? Are you okay?” “No, my family's at the door.”

“Christians are weird.”

The false start on Michael’s press conference

“What I sound like doesn't matter at all, and I've forgotten the accent since the last time I saw you.”

“Good Cop, Bad Cop; otherwise known as Here's A Glass Of Milk, Gimme That Glass Of Milk.”

Their faces at that.

An objection being called at that alternate name.

Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

“I'm.....Walt?”

grrrrounded

Arc Hamm

“Oh. Shocker.  Another play where half the cast is dead before the end of Act One.”

The beard reveal ™.

Jonathan's reaction.

Michael putting sunglasses atop his regular glasses to be the bad cop.

“Get the heckin' heck out of here!”

Michael's nyooming onscreen entrance as bad cop.

Ailey Karlson

Weston and Hoagie helping close out the show

“Uhh, guys?”

“Oh, huntey, you bein' hunted?”

nocableinmychildhood.com

Michael: *foghorn sounds* “Correct the record.”

“I am insulted at the idea that I am three times the size of Shrek.”

Alexis slipping up and dropping the f-bomb.

Michael Stahler (Horace Tanningrove) unveiling a beer.

Once Michael realizes that he's meant to be marketing beer, he starts sounding like a middle schooler writing an essay on a book he didn't read, and I think that's beautiful.

“I guess Jeff is definitely gonna have to control this game.”

“Let's see what Christian Mingle in this part of Georgia has to offer.”

Michael pulling a hairbrush out of nowhere as a visual aid

“Remember CD-roms?”

Michael: “You [Haley and Alexis] are better at facial hair than I am!”

“So you hiding from Satan and looking for vampires?” “Yes.” “Girl, you need help.”

Alex breaking the fourth wall to tell all men to get rid of cargo pants, and Michael promptly standing up and grabbing a pair of cargo pants from off camera to throw them somewhere else off camera.

Joe's absurdly beautiful origin story.

“ 'Aye aye Captain' is damn right.”

Michael quickly starting to analyze everybody's facial/skeletal structures before remembering that Alex literally played a snake.

Michael himself then briefly becoming a snek.

Alex saying his address over the internet while Alexis hastily tries to prevent it.

Jonathan apparently not having writing implements at the beach?

“I could honestly watch this for the full hour.” “I could not. Please.”

“That would've been a good one, but no.”

“Are you colourblind?” “Yes.”

“Can I let my cat out of the room?”

“Please donate to our Venmo so we can take improv classes.”

“Children can't drink beer.” “Not with that attitude, they can't.”

Porous Tanningrove

“Thought has occurred.”

“Well at least I can drink my name-brand soda without having to hide it.”

“Also here, my little sister, in some cases, not really, she's not adopted, we just say things sometimes.”

“Objection! As long as your cells are able to metastasize[?], you have a life.”

“Sshould I write any of that down?”

“I'm a sexy boi.” –Alexis, quite rightly

“How did you know how moist I was?”

Katelyn deadass namedropping her persona in Press Conference and not realizing that's who she is.

“Oh my god I almost lost my mother's place in a book!”

“I'm ready to get crusty with it. I regret saying that.”

“Why do you get so close to the screen”

“We stan David.”

Michael petting his dog while everyone else discusses the prompt.

“Are you a specific pirate?” “What?” “Are you specific?  Or AtlanticHAHAHA!”

Everybody hivemindedly putting on cockney accents of various degrees of dreadfulness upon hearing the phrase “a new brew” and just. not stopping.

Seriously, what was up with that, it was insane.

Hilarious, but insane.

Michael correcting Jonathan's misuse of “objective” vs. “subjective”.

Everybody's faces immediately after.

“Objection! I sent you a foot pic a mere two weeks ago.” “That's true.”

“Ah swear, Ah'll goe out an' find yer entire family and gut ye liyke a fish!”

Hoagie waving goodbye.

“Oh, if you look upon these, they're not just simply rubber ducks: one of them is wearing a leather harness.”

[kae-karo]

Can you do an analysis on the last dan vs phil video?

hell yeah i can in the beginning…

nerds nerds nerds ‘in the beginning…..there was a tree…..’ cue phil’s lil laugh smh cowards release the footage of y’all recording this bit i would Die for it i wanna see y’all being cute-ass dorks together thanks

dan’s voice cracking tone when he’s trying to stop phil

‘n they didn’t tell anybody’ dumbasses u told three million people smh

the fucking dvp montage god this whole intro is just a testament to what dorks they are

‘emotional stability’ what the Fuck

we’re the only ones fighting for emotional stability here jfc

‘after,,,,,d- after da long ass time’ dan u spork

they pulled up the first clip of the dvp board i’m not sobbing ur sobbing

phil recognizing he’s doing the same intro voice i’m Soft

cute

dan forgetting what he was gonna say after his big ol dramatic ‘that is right everybody’ we stan a mess

“bitch there’s no space” did u mean

ahem anyway

phil ruining all dan’s dramatic storytelling gives me Life

how did i not know just dance 2 was one of their most popular vids???? it has 7.4m views??? (for anyone as curious as me, sims #1 has 8.2m and is the most popular, followed by just dance, then fnaf #1 with 7.2m then akinator of all things with 6.4m?)

phil liked yasuhati???? i stan immensely i loved yasuhati as y’all know

it’s a grand finale u spoons stop saying grand ‘final’ that just. sounds wrong lmao

dan spent an hour making that crown i’m crying he’s so cute as is phil’s reaction giggling at him 

they ran out of kitchen foil why did i need to know this

they literally fucking kept the present they crushed what’s wrong with them

‘look at what his ass did to this’ as if we don’t know what that ass do

dan keeping up the ‘i’ll ebay this’ joke i think someone’s catching the capita£ester

i love their adorable editing making each other disappear n phil chopping dan’s head off it’s endearing

cereal eating contest at least dan knows he’s lost (dan is the Actual psychic)

‘y’all fricken want us touching each other??? do you????? here ya fuckin go u animals enjoy’

me when dan makes bad innuendo puns

why does phil look so pleased with himself????

hi i know i say it every video but there is nothing more beautiful than phil looking at dan while he’s talking it just makes me weak????

he tongue

also important dan eye roll content

dnp each picking a game they think they can win and then they do win amazing

dan’s confused ‘should’ve put some in??? oh yeah i should’ve cheated’ immediately followed by his oh fuck yeah i probably should’ve

i would just like to point out that at this point we’re literally watching two dorks with their eyes shut psyching each other out for an entire thirty seconds

‘i’m getting so moist right now’ dan we already know ur kink is staring at phil okay we got it

phil looks like he knows he’s gonna win and i love him

why are they such dorks phil trying to make dan lose i’m being thrown violently back to pinof 4

also ofc dan has a strategy to win this of course he does of course i expect nothing less

i think dan,,,,,,broke the sound barrier there ;)

oi hi there lil rosy patch welcome back

caption this

‘it was the longest i’ve ever had my eyes open in my entire life’ dan is such a dramatic gay i love him like babe,,,,,,,u don’t have to hyperbolize everything okay

‘i don’t know why but i stared at u for like a minute’ ‘yeah’ 

dan screaming when phil touched the crown dan,,,,,,,do u have even one (1) ounce of chill

look i’ve never seen dan fixate so much on anything except phil

‘stop enjoying these rolling chairs so much’ hi daniel do u recall not a month ago when u wheeled ur bf around the flat bc i do recall u having a bit of fun there 

phil knowing he has noodly arms and dan immediately going ‘don’t u dare say that abt my husband’ is a mood

buster howell

dnp being terrified of snapping their arms in an arm wrestling contest is such a mood literally that’s like my reason for never ever wanting to arm wrestle

‘when i literally snap phil in half’ try not to look so pleased abt that dan

‘i’m not very good at fighting talk am i’ why did this immediately translate in my head to dirty talk katie u need to Stop with the phanfiction

oh my god they put the board down and my first concern was all the stickers were gonna get moved off or fall off or w.e

disappearing chins

sorry ik it’s been there but the cactus has fairy lights on it

nerds fighting over who moved who’s limbs

dan u can’t call phil out for leaning when ur leaning urself okay 

he looks exactly like he did in the dk vid

rosy patch, rosy patch, we love u lil rosy patch

hi phil’s lips look particularly pretty here

what’s wrong with them who gave them permission to be this cute n domestic

dan u can’t look that offended when u offered to play that game

(offended but fond is dan’s only mood toward phil)

doesn’t count what bloody doesn’t count daniel u dork

hi why are u so giggly looking at phil okay that’s not Legal

very dry eyes and an aching left arm, that’s how you know you’ve had a good time thanks dan thanks didn’t want that didn’t need it goodbye

the way he trails off into a laugh though that’s some good shit right there

“we said it at the same time” of course u did 

okay so pika @wlwphil​ said that dnp exist in a feedback loop of stupid bc they don’t talk to anyone but themselves i think this vid exemplifies that idea quite well tbh especially the rock paper scissors bit these nerds are so isolated in this lil loop that they massively psyche each other out over rock paper scissors i’m crying

“we know each other so well” hi yeah we know

i think it’s quite interesting that dan’s not interrupting phil like he usually would n talking over him? he’s letting phil talk? & waiting for a moment to interject?

dan puts in lil mind sneks does he phil does he really

dan having no plan which is his plan while phil’s got his first eight moves planned out 

dan’s lil shut up

okay okay okay hold up here i wanna talk abt this (hi anon who said i just like to talk abt everything u right son u right) these idiots are staring at each other n dan says ‘you should admit to them right now that i win most rock paper scissors’ and phil, whilst still staring at dan, says ‘he does’

phil. phil ur talking to ur audience. but ur staring at ur man. i’m just. this shook me. this truly genuinely shook me and idk i don’t even have a good explanation it’s just so,,,,,,,unlike them???? i guess??

phil nobody consented to this stop

i’m living for dan not realizing this

what,,,,,what

phil wins: face #1

face #2

break for the weird heartbeat in the background

phil trying to psyche dan out i love him

face #3:

if u notice we have a careful progression of dan going from slightly fond to more fond (but offended) to horrified but fond. phil goes from victorious to massively victorious to ‘i think the universe is about to explode from how victorious he is’

dan shouldn’t be allowed to sound so fond abt losing that’s illegal people can’t do that

the return of cannot believe

bow to me biatch

jiggly camera

i’ve invited ur mum ‘no u haven’t’ i find it super cute that literally every time there’s a ur mum joke directed at kath phil has to deny it?

dan’s sweatpants n slippers

dan pulling out the catti/bratty voices from undertale i love it

philip michael lester, with this…

oi don’t touch it!

now prance, king

dan’s cheeky lil grin

this guy

dan waiting patiently to be thanked

excuse me daniel and philip what did u cut out we went from y’all’s hands being down below shot and then they’re up next to ur face???? excuse me

hi we missed a lot that’s not allowed

cutes

sorry i love when dan does this with his lips it cute

phil has this incredible ability to deliver jokes with such seriousness i mean honestly it’s a genuine skill like???? when dan delivers jokes u Know it’s a joke but phil man,,,,,he could be completely serious if taken out of context

hi i just like that dnp called each other philip and daniel in this vid good content

yes phil all or nothings are valid

i’m here for them like indicating the other has to say some Significant thing at the end of the vids it’s real cute

[otohoe]

Top 10 Otome Husbands

Tagged by two absolutely incredible ladies, @dear-mrs-otome and @saizoswifey!!!

Mitsunari Ishida [SLBP] - hahahahahahaha where the fuck do I even BEGIN. I don’t even KNOW what got me started thirsting over this precious blueberry but I remember being so impatient to finish toshiie’s route just so I could start it. and now here I am, in blueberry hell. he’s my best boy and I love him so much it’s stupid. I could write essays about this man and why he deserves the world (don’t worry; I won’t). plus! cross-dressing! my god it’s like the best two in one deal in the world for this bisexual ho!! in short, he’s. he’s so pretty. but even more importantly, he’s so fucking smart, he’s suffered so much, he cares so much more deeply than he lets almost anyone see, ever, and his relationship with his MC is one of the most deeply touching I have ever seen. WHAT A MAN HE IS.

Masamune Date [SLBP] - omg MY FIRST SLBP LOVE. oh my god how I scoured the ends of the internet when I first fell for him. his MS was my second and I fell fucking hard and then realized that he’s so hard to write in a seriously sexy way and realized there was NONE OF THE JUICY CONTENT I WAS SO THIRSTY FOR. but!!! he still makes me go fucking weak. that smile. my god. AND WHAT A ROMANTIC. he makes my heart go dokidoki like you wouldn’t believe. his dramatic end......... is the stuff of legends. 

Oliver Knight [IkeRev] - okay. yes. I know he’s not even out yet. I know he’s not even close to being released. but everything about him screams “the mitsunari of ikerev“ and I want him to insult me every single day until he realizes he’s in love. then I want to watch him break (BECAUSE YOU KNOW THERE’S SO MUCH ANGST IN HIS BEING A PART-TIME BOY HOLY SHIT) so I can fuck the pieces back together with my love and affection. I want him so badly I could cry. plus he’s such a dom and I will fight anyone who argues with me about this.

Kenshin Uesugi [IkeSen] - haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaha I was not expecting him to be on this list anD YET HERE WE ARE. this man has dragged me into his own personal hell and I live here now. wow. I DIDN’T THINK THAT HE WOULD MAKE ME FALL FOR THIS YANDERE ASS BAE SO FUCKING FAST Y’ALL READ KENSHIN’S ROUTE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW HE’S BASICALLY OVERTAKEN NOBUNAGA IN IKESEN WHICH I DIDN’T EVEN THINK WAS POSSIBLE????????? WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

Edgar Bright [IkeRev] - Y’ALL. I had my sights on this snek from day 1 and I’m so fucking hype he’s next HE GOES DOWN ON MC LIKE A CHAMP AND YOU KNOW HE’S THE KINKIEST SNEAKIEST SLIPPERIEST LITTLE DEMON IN CRADLE AND I LOVE HIM. talk to me about my thoughts on his kinks and we’ll be there a while but we’ll all be happier for it in the end. my god. I want to watch this boy fall so hard he can’t get up anymore. 

Chiharu Utsumi [ASA] - okay yes I realize he looks a bit like edgar fuck you I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE CHIHARU. he’s the most mature, respectful kid, I stg. he comes off as so perfect. he’s an absolute ladykiller, he’s gorgeous, he’s great at soccer, is stupidly intelligent, interested in ASTRONOMY, wants to become a doctor because of his single mother because he cares so much about her and his family it kills me a little, he’s the smartest kid in school, and when he falls for MC, he falls fucking hard. and it’s the most wonderful thing to watch. I was first introduced to him in Shinichi Kagari’s route (my first otome route ever, nobunaga aside!), and was intrigued. then they released the special story and he captured my whole heart. favorite love365 boy now hands down. his stories are the only thing I’m willing to still spend coins on until they get rid of love choice and that’s saying a LOT.

Souji Okita [EOSCOL] - okay, if you haven’t read any of EOSCOL yet you are missing out. it’s angst and pain and history and smut and I love every second of it. if you like hakuoki, you’ll love it. that being said. Souji Okita is my best fucking boy in that story and as much as I love Takasugi, he cannot be beaten. he starts off literally by threatening to kill MC because he thinks she’s a spy and ends up falling fucking hard. I don’t know how much y’all know about his history, but. let’s just say he’s had it hard and he never expected to have the chance at love, let alone deserve it. if you like SAIZO, Souji is him but on the more deredere side of things once he falls for MC. what a man what a warrior what a legend.

Saeyoung Choi [MysMe] - my god. I love him so much. he’s so in love with MC in every damn route and it’s so painfully obvious and I say painfully because it is PAINFUL IT HURTS ME TO SEE HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER. he’s 100% my kinda guy. not only is he a tsun that shares my flirting style to a tee (flirt my heart out until it gets serious, then freak tf out), he’s suffered so much and I just want him to be happy. his coping mechanisms for the shit in his life are high-key mine, as well. also, he wears glasses!! my computer background features him and MC right now, and when hubs saw it he legit asked if it was us (he used to be a redhead like you wouldn’t believe). ALSO, NO ONE CALL TELL ME THAT HE DOESN’T LEAVE HER PREGNANT WITH TWINS IN THE AFTER ENDING FITE ME ON THIS I DARE U

Sasuke Sarutobi [IkeSen] - why does it seem like he’s on everyone’s list?? is he our village bicycle husband?? BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT. HE DESERVES TO BE ON EVERYONE’S LIST. he’s got literally the perfect sense of humor. I wanted his route yesterday. I love him so much so so so much and the fact that he’s an astro-physics grad is just the cherry on top because for some fucking reason I have a hard-on for physicists. ADD TO THAT MY MASSIVE MEGANE KINK, HIS INTELLECT, HIS STUNNING GOOD LOOKS, GENTLEMAN’S HEART, AND FLAWLESS SENSE OF HUMOR, AND HE’S PERFECT HUSBAND MATERIAL

Saeran Choi [MysMe] - ANOTHER BROKEN CHOI BOY. I collect them like succulents and cry, I guess??? and tho I do love all of his, uh, personalities, I’m particularly partial to ray. I just want to watch him break so MC can put him back together (A TREND YOU’VE NOTICED, I’M SURE, I like them either impenetrable and smirky or breakable puzzle tsuns). SERIOUSLY THO, this boy has had it so fucking hard and he deserves the absolute world where he gets to never be abandoned by any of the people he loves. ray in particular is such a fucking yandere because he’s been abandoned so damn often that it breaks my fucking heart when he just wants so badly to be loved. he’s also WICKED smart, which I am also always all over.

Honorable Mentions:

Keiichi “Byron” Tokiwa [SND] - if you like your men on the gay/bi side of things LIKE I DO get him he’s so fucking precious you won’t regret it I PROMISE) 

Kiyonori Taishi [ASA] - honestly before chiharu and souji stole dominance away from him he was my number one otome man because he’s so so so sweet so long as you expect someone with some serious asperger’s syndrome / savantism. he’s amazing at history but he’s hopeless at the real world, including women, but once he falls for MC he falls so fucking hard and fights his every instinct to become a man worthy of her affections. he NEEDS MC in his life so so much and he knows how important she is to him AND SHOULD BE. ALSO? his romantic end has THE CUTEST CONFESSION I’VE EVER SEEN. 

Also: Kyle Ash [Ikerev], Logan Bradley [LLH], Kirisato [DTL], Shigezane [SLBP], Shingen [SLBP]

Among SLBP NPCs: Toshihisa, Nobuyuki, Kaede, Toramatsu, Yasumasa, Kotaro, Masanori, Kanetsugu

Please note: With the exception of Mitsunari at the #1 spot where he deserves to be, none of these are in order. Choosing only ten was hard enough already. I refuse to make myself suffer even more. ALSO, I didn’t include non-playable NPCs or we’d be here all day. 

I tag @be-my-prince because I want to see her answers to this! :D also @pseudofaux you should do yours too now that you’re no longer swallowed whole by family things!

[rainy-days-and-cabbage]

For the character ask meme: Mev and Nef

Mev

   Why I like them

Good intimidating villian who actually has some personality,important backstory and is a legit threat. Also he’s just extra in a lot ofways which is charmingly dorky. Good design and a good antagonist for where heis the story.

   Why I don’t

Because he’s designed to be a good antagonist, he’s also acomplete arse with a personality that means if we ever met I’d end up trying topunch him (obviously I’d lose but still). Also because of his less goofy-dramaticcharacter, he’s less fun to read about than other villians in the series. I seehim as very much a “sitting on his throne until an important battle in thestory” style of villain.

   Favorite episode (scene if movie)

The horse. Sorry. XD

   Favoriteseason/movie

He’s only really been in 2 books. But his entrance in kotwcan’t really be beat.

   Favorite line

The baby joke mostly because it threw me a bit. He seemed soserious then jokes? Then you realise it probably isn’t a joke.

   Favorite outfit

His battle suit sounds cool.

   OTP

No.

   Brotp

With Nye in an odd way? Also on occasion with Nef, Baron andChina.

   Head Canon

Is a far bigger nerd than he lets on. But thinks actingnerdy will make him less feared and less respected to maintains a mask of ‘chilldude’ but he’s never chill.

   Unpopular opinion

Needs to be taller.

   A wish

I want to know more about what lead up to him leading a waragainst the sanctuary. Just the lead up events. Also why he offed the Unnamed? Unlessthat has already been explained?

   Anoh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Be nice to the remaining Nefarian. Or I am coming after you.

   5 words to bestdescribe them

Run for your lives. Tall?

   My nickname forthem

Mev, normally

 Nef

   Why I like them

Over dramatic, monologuing, scenery chewing, cheesy littleshitball who is smirking/laughing/giggling every other paragraph he’s on page.He’s just too fun to read and it makes me smile.

   Why I don’t

Because he’s so charming, it’s hard to take him serious as avillain. But I guess that’s half the point since most of his plans work bypeople underestimating him. And my other dislike is the dude needs doesn’t get enough page time.He’s important to the title character’s past. Let the laughing snake man dance all over thepages causing trouble ffs landy.

   Favorite episode(scene if movie)

The entire scene from the first book between him and skulin that room. Just smug banter with an undertone of despising. It’s beautiful.

   Favoriteseason/movie

Kotw wins, just. Everything from meeting him in the jailcell to him offing china is fantastic. It really lets you see him in the light ratherthan him sulking around as the villain like in book 1.

   Favorite line

I’m torn he gets too many good ones. “I’ll always find a wayto make you suffer.” is a great one. But “What does it look like, you stupidcreature? It’s a rescue!” made me squee. Also his reason for trying to kill Mevand the ‘Why should I stop worshipping? You guys are wrong here’ bit. SOOOOGOOOD!!!!

   Favorite outfit

The Victorian suit from the first book. He’s a classy man.

   OTP

With Baron. Sorry but they work really well personality wiseand I think they’d make each other happy.

   Brotp

China, Scorn, the Diablerie, Also Baron because lovers canbe besties too and certain AU versions of Vile. Occasionally Mev when he isn’tbeing an arse.

   Head Canon

He was partially suicidal by the time of Book 1. I mean hebasically did kill/zombify himself. His plan with the sceptre whilstcomplicated was an “all or nothing” case. He knew there was a good chance it’dfuck up and he just didn’t care.

   Unpopular opinion

Landy should have kept Nef alive as a recurring villain ofsome sort. Maybe have him sneak off somewhere and help Baron escape in the secondbook at the very least.

   A wish

Give Nefarian more page time. He’s fun to read!  Also he’s great for Skulduggery’s character ashe gets a good reaction out of Skul and it makes them both more interesting toread.

   Anoh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

The other dimension Nefarian better not die off screen. Ifhe’s gonna die, have it be a solid paragraph at least.

   5 words to bestdescribe them

Local disaster dramatic asshole snakeman

   My nickname forthem

Nef, Neffie, Neffy, Farian, idiotball, snakey, assholesnakeman, snek, disaster man, wee little shit.

[merinnan]

DMBJ Explore with the Note Ep 3

Okay! Recap post for DMBJ season 2 (Explore with the Note), Ep 3!

Current counts:

Season 2 Xiaoge Rescue Count: 2 for Wu Xie, 2 for protagonists, 3 for everyone

Season 2 Wu Xie Swoon Count: 0 

Season 2 Evil Hair Count: 2 

 Cumulative Xiaoge Rescue Count: 12 for Wu Xie, 17 for protagonists, 18 for everyone 

Cumulative Wu Xie Swoon Count: 6

- Hopefully this ep has less snorkelling scenes 

- But to be honest 

- It would be hard to have MORE snorkelling scenes than ep 2 and still have plot

- Oh yeah, they've just had the first switcheroo of the side chambers and Wu Xie is Very Confused

- And Xiaoge just realised he's been here before, and is admitting he has memory problems 

- You are still such a bad liar at this point, Wu Xie. 

- Oh my god, Pangzi, you can't just ask people if they inject Botox or have a radiation-caused genetic mutation

- Also, yes, I am already on my bullshit with the soft looks Xiaoge gives Wu Xie 

- Well. The looks. Because this Xiaoge looks at people who are not Wu Xie about the same amount as Yang Yang's Xiaoge did

- It is very convenient how the flashbacks in this one are colour coded with that soft yellow lighting 

- It's taken these guys from 20 years ago a lot longer to get out here than it's taken Wu Xie and co. in the present time

- Like. I'm kinda wondering if this past Xiaoge was just straight up watching the idiot Xie accidentally kill himself. 

- I mean, I wouldn't blame him, tbh

- Going out diving by yourself without telling anyone is borderline suicidal without adding sneaking into an underwater tomb without adequate preparation to it 

- It's nice to have better lighting in the flashbacks, though 

- There's a snek-browed fishy, and past!Xiaoge is shook

- Also, that Xie guy looks like he was boiled or roasted down there 

- Oh, is past!Xiaoge remembering something about snek-fishies?

- Wu Xie coming in with some epic side-eye as Xiaoge tells the story

- Why does the flashback get a much more clear and visible snorkelling scene?! 

- You can actually see things! - Are they trying to make a low-key accidental statement about water pollution?

- Okay, this episode's snorkelling scene starts 6 minutes in 

- Let's see how long it goes for 

- Hopefully it will end before the 17 minute mark 

- That's the bar it has to beat here 

- Surely it can't be that hard 

- Oh, I spoke too soon on the water clarity

- Hey, if Sanshu and Wenjin could properly communicate underwater without arm notepads and without pulling out their fucking snorkles to try to literally talk underwater, WU XIE AND PANGZI, then why couldn't people in the present timeline do the same?

- Not looking at anyone in particular 

- At all 

- Especially not ones named Wu Xie and Pangzi

- The sea monkey that Sanshu chased off looks like baby compared to the one on the ghost ship

- Wow. Snorkelling took less than a minute and a half, with almost twice the number of people 

- Obviously A-Ning needed more people on her expedition 

- Then they wouldn't have had to swim around aimlessly for eleven fucking minutes before getting into the tomb

- Hahah, a perfume tomb 

- Sure it is 

- Don't you think that should make you suspicious, Sanshu? 

- There's always gotta be a big, interesting mural. Let's see what exposition this one will trigger.

- Ofc Pangzi goes sniffing for perfume after hearing about it being there 20 years ago 

- In a different room in the tomb 

- After people had traipsed through it with their stinky diving equipment

- And ofc he doesn't smell it and then complains that it can't have been there in the first place 

- Xiaoge's expression just says everything

- See, Wu Xie is the smart boy with the logical suggestions of why that might be, Pangzi 

- This guy who wants to leave is like the only genre-savvy one of the lot of them 

- Smart suggestions from past!Sanshu that yes, everyone should listen to 

- They're not gonna listen to him

- Yep, taking a nap is never a good idea in these situations 

- Which is why he's gonna do it 

- After DMBJ 1 Pangzi, it's so nice to have a Pangzi who's smart and competent straight off the bat, instead of having to take like 4/5 of the season to get to that point

- And ofc you were a hooligan as a kid, Pangzi. I am totally unsurprised by this news 

- I'd wondered why he jumped straight to aroma hypnosis, but him having come across it before when he was younger explains it

- This Wu Xie has some fantastic facial expressions 

- For instance, this one is wondering if Pangzi is bullshitting him 

- He doesn't even need to say it. It's right there on his face

- Oh yeah, Xiaoge recognises that

- And I was wondering how they'd intro that in without Wu Xie's disreputable antique store contacts telling him about it 

- Pangzi is ofc the logical choice for it 

- Hahah, yes, Wu Xie, you're right and you should say it

- Wu Xie: There's no such thing as ghosts 

- Xiaoge's expression: You might want to reconsider that 

- Oooh, Wu Xie has heard about it, too.

- Like almost 20 years ago, judging by how young he is in these flashbacks. And that this one looks like it takes place not long after Sanshu got into trouble from Grandpa Wu 

- But like, Sanshu, why are you telling a five year old about this? Or maybe he's six. BUT STILL

- Sanshu, do not recommend evil, possibly-ghosty, nightmare-inducing perfumed bone to your baby nephew as a sleep aid 

- Who tf let you near children?

- Ah, now time for the Sanshu-POV flashback. Which is happening within Wu Xie's flashback 

- Flashback-ception! 

- See, Sanshu, told you sleeping was a bad idea 

- None of them listened to you 

- Because you fell asleep and couldn't tell them no

- He can see surprisingly well for a man left in a sideroom of an underwater tomb with no light sources 

- It looks like they took all his diving gear as well as their own 

- How rude of them 

- OH GOOD, it's not just me who was thinking that this room looked really empty

- I thought I was imagining things, or mixing up the room they were in earlier with the room that Wu Xie and the rest were in last ep 

- Are those...claw marks where the mural used to be?

- OH WAIT NOW I REMEMBER WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HIM 

- If this is following the book as closely as it seems for this bit, anyway 

- I am less confused now

- Weird flash of light and sudden coffin appears 

- Which Sanshu can still see without a light source 

- Remember, kids, eat all your carrots like Sanshu obviously does!

- Do they just paint the same mural in every side chamber that has a mural? Because that looks just like the one from the other room. 

- Oh no, I can see some differences in it now 

- Yeah, that's not a good sign

- WTF Sanshu don't touch the creepy coffin that's suddenly pouring dark liquid out of it 

- Is that another sea monkey?

- Apparently diving equipment is only necessary to get down to the tomb, not to get back up. You won't even swallow much water, you'll get back perfectly safely, just a bit out of breath 

- And tired enough to pass out on the beach, but that might be from fighting a sea monkey first

- JFC, Sanshu, why are you telling all this to a five year old? 

- You really think this is gonna dissuade him from this when he grows up? No. You are planting the early seeds of encouragement. 

- Also the early seeds of lifelong nightmares

- You know, I still haven't worked out how Sanshu didn't recognise Xiaoge in DMBJ 1 - both drama and book. I mean, drama can be explained by them only adapting the first book that time, but book? Unless it gets explained later on

- Or I somehow skipped the explanation, which is also possible - I'll go back and reread them another time 

- lol, Pangzi 

- And look, more spiderwebs 

- The undersea spider colony here really works hard 

- Aaaah, Wu Xie's figuring it out already

- Pangzi seems to be serving the purpose of giving all the hints and little plot points that book Wu Xie already had before he stepped foot in the tomb 

- Hahahah, 'can you please speak human'

- Pangzi with the major concerns. Who cares about running out of oxygen if the food is gone?! Not Pangzi! 

- lol, looking at each other when they think Pangzi's being silly or unreasonable is already their go-to response

- lol, and Xiaoge doesn't agree until Wu Xie nods 

- Ah, first thing they come across is the coffin from one of the other rooms, and Pangzi is showing off that this time around he actually knows things! Yay!

- Okay, this little smile and nod from Xiaoge to Wu Xie is just too adorable for words

- And in they go to investigate the coffin 

- I do have to say that it's a very pretty coffin, though 

- Yes, Xiaoge, that look is the appropriate look to give to Pangzi for saying that XD

- WTF is that 

- lol, I like this troll Wu Xie 

- Well. That was dramatic. 

- IDK how the coffin lid when flying off like that though, there doesn't seem to be a sea monkey hiding in there this time 

- Ew, that's a little gruesome 

- Wu Xie is appropriately horrified by this

- It does still amuse me how Pangzi isn't even pretending not to be a tomb robber this time. He's so refreshingly honest about it. 

- Hahaha. "Are you a Virgo? You're so picky" because Wu Xie is more interested in looking at the vases than in just grabbing a few to bail water with

- But hey, Wu Xie is a Pisces, nice to know 

- You're just gonna walk over the top of that coffin lid like that, huh, Pangzi? Weren't you the one talking about how valuable the coffin was? And how you needed to do the proper rituals to show respect before opening it?

- And Wu Xie is back in the other room happily playing with vases and looking at the stories painted on them 

- Alone 

- Nothing bad could possibly come of this 

- It's not like Wu Xie has a tendency to get into danger without even realising it 

- Not at all

- But he's so happy! Like a cute little puppy 

- lol, you really were so wrapped up in the vases that you didn't notice him leaving, huh, Wu Xie? 

- Oops, looks like you stayed there a bit too long, Wu Xie. The entrance to the other room isn't there anymore

- Hahah, Xiaoge is so delicately scooping out water with the bowl compared to Pangzi just fucking going for it with that huge vase 

- Aww, Xiaoge is worried about Wu Xie. 

- But, y'know, guys, maybe you should turn around and realise that there's no entrance anymore

- Although that body is pretty creepy and attention-grabbing 

- Yeah, I don't think that's gonna help, Wu Xie 

- You're so adorable, though 

- WTF how is there a live cat there 

- Yeah, I don't blame you for pulling a gun, Pangzi

- Now back to poor, worried Wu Xie 

- WTF does the theory of relativity have to do with the current situation? 

- Awww, he's talking himself down from panic again. And it seems to be working. 

- ...or not

- Ooh, the cat corpse is gone 

- Xiaoge doesn't seem that concerned. More interested in the human corpse 

- And they STILL haven't noticed that the entrance is gone I thought you had better situational awareness than this, Xiaoge 

- Oh, that's not a good sign

- Ah, finally, NOW you notice 

- As always, Xiaoge takes this the most calmly out of all of them 

- I think it's a little late for not getting anxious, Wu Xie, when you were practically panicking earlier 

- Uh-oh

- Here's the sea monkey, and Xiaoge is trapped in another room with no way of knowing 

- Even though he does seem to have a sixth sense solely dedicated to Wu Xie being in trouble

- Run, Wu Xie, run! 

- Lose your balance on those arrows! Throw those priceless vases as ineffective weapons! 

- Ah, a side chamber which conveniently as a door that closes and locks

- GDI, Wu Xie, don't taunt the monster that's chasing you 

- lol, his, 'wait, did that actually work' face

- Oh, so it's just gonna...dig through those stones. Fantastic. 

- Why is there no blood on his knife? There really should be blood on his knife after stabbing that deeply. 

- Hahah, Pangzi says that Wu Xie's guess was wrong, and Xiaoge just gives this lovely 'bitch please' look

- That's a hairy hairy hand right there 

- I don't think Xiaoge so much as flinched 

- Even when Pangzi's dart almost hit him 

- Oh, okay, he seems vaguely concerned about the mark on his wrist now

- Oh, and now he's worried 

- Yeah, when Xiaoge is worried and yells at you to run, it's time to fucking book it 

- Guess he's a bit too distracted for his Wu Xie Is In Danger sense to be tingling right now

- That's a weird looking coffin 

- And on Wu Xie considering anachronistic elements of this tomb that he's now noticing, Ep 3 comes to an end. 

- And with no updates to the Rescue Count, the Swoon Count, or the Evil Hair Count.