#oh bitch she dead
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danandfuckingjonlmao · 27 days ago
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good night and sweet dreams to the best, sexiest, sluttiest, smartest, realest, most based, valid, relatable, girlipop, sympathetic, cunt, fun, cool, feminist, aspirational girlboss character in dead boy detectives: doll spider <3
good night to her and no one else. i hope the rest of y’all have a bad night and terrible dreams.
#doll spider did nothing wrong ever#i will defend her every action in a court of law#‘she tore edwin apart millions upon millions of times in hell’ wouldn’t you?#some gay nerd shows up in your house saying shit like ‘oh my how filthy this establishment reflects very poorly on the host’#he’s sashaying and sauntering down your halls and pivoting and you’re like ‘hang on i’m supposed to be the cuntiest bitch here’#so yeah you tear him apart like WHATEVER this shit happens#but he keeps getting reborn and like it’s fine when he’s quiet but every time he makes a noise you just HAVE to kill him again#i bet she was so happy when he escaped and SO MAD when he came back#and then the whole payneland in hell scene she was so real#she interrupted whatever gay shit charles was gonna say to edwin after ‘mate i’ve-’ bc she knew it would be disgusting & didnt wanna hear it#and then they HAD to just KEEP BEING GAY ON THE STAIRS LIKE OF COURSE SHE CHASED THEM OUT?? THAT ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE LINE WAS UNACCEPTABLE#SHE WAS LIKE GET THESE F*GS OUT OF MY HOUSE#she did what she had to do to set boundaries and honestly is that so bad?#thank you doll spider for protecting us from more devastatingly romantic charles rowland lines <3#dbdshow#girlbossifying doll spider is so funny to me idc if no one sees this. this is for me. and for her <3#payneland#edwin payne#save dead boy detectives#renew dead boy detectives#yeet my deet#yeet my deebd#dbd4ratch#revive dead boy detectives#chedwin#the case of the very long stairway#dead boy detectives#dbda#dead boy detective agency
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introspectivememories · 1 year ago
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at the center of gotham, lies its oldest public hospital — gotham general. it’s staff are kind and compassionate, if a little intolerant of bullshit. the city may not care about the crimes that occur in it but the people certainly do. gotham’s emergency services are renowned throughout the nation as one of the best. 
the ER nurses at gotham general love to gossip and their latest is about how their ever-reliable EMT bernard dowd, who'll rush into burning buildings if he thinks he can save one more person, who smiles so brightly and brings them cupcakes on his days off but has such sad eyes, seems so lonely. they determinedly decide to find a date for him. maybe dr. zacharia thomas, their latest trauma surgeon? yes, yes! he's only a few years older, bernard knows him, they get along, and most importantly, he's got a stable job. he'll be perfect for their bernard!
and then, literally only days after they decide to set up dr. zacharia and bernard on a date, head trauma nurse marissa santos comes running in with a copy of gotham daily, clutched in her hand.
"look! look! nakita mo ba ang balita?" she whisper-yells, "did you see the news?!"
instantly they're all crowding around her, trying to see the paper. covering the front page is a blurry photo of a black-haired man engaged in a passionate game of tonsil-hockey with someone who is unmistakably their youngest EMT. he's still wearing his uniform for christ's sake! in the largest font known to man, "WAYNE'S NEW PARAMOUR?" is written at the top.
"he's dating the wayne ceo!" marissa gushes excitedly.
"isn't he a little too old for bernard?" someone pipes up from the back.
"not the father, you idiot! the son! timothy!"
that's way better than their candidate. everyone is stoked. by nightfall, everyone in the ER knows that bernard dowd is dating timothy drake-wayne, the youngest ceo wayne enterprises has ever had.
when bear stops by, at around 2 in the morning, dropping of the last patient from his shift, he's immediately accosted by the nurses.
"whoa! hey!" he exclaims as they lead him to the nurse's station and sit him down in a chair, "what's going on?"
marissa slams the paper down in front of him, "spill."
bernard groans and turns cherry red, "oh my god tita. don't you guys have patients to attend to?"
"already taken care of." nurse gu says.
"what about mr. gomez, the one with third degree burns that just came in?" bernard tries desperately.
"dr. zacharia is already on it." dr. esperanza responds, "so spill."
their youngest tries one last time, "how do you even know if that's me?"
"there are like 10 blonde people in the EMT department and considering all of them are older than you and none of them seem to have the three ear piercings that kid in this picture does, we're gonna have to assume it's you." dr. farah nasim, one half of the head of the ER, says.
bernard turns on her with a betrayed look.
"sorry kid," she snorts, "also, you're still wearing your uniform in the photo. it says 'dowd' on the shoulder."
"im too old to be bossed around like this." he mutters before sighing, "alright what'd'ya want to know?"
"tell us everything!" marissa says, "how did you two meet?"
"we were friends in high school and we fell out of touch after junior year. he hit me up on insta 6 months ago and we reconnected."
"oh my god!! they're high school sweethearts!" nurse gu squeals, "that's so cute!"
"tell us more! who asked who out?"
"okay well, technically he asked me out but he didn't know he was asking me out. but we went on this date at this restaurant and it got attacked by some villain and red robin, but he was going by robin at the time, rescued. so i told robin, 'hey if i make it out of this, tell tim drake, i would've liked to finish our date'. and then, tim, shows up at my door the next day and says 'i don't know what this feeling i get when i'm near you is, but i'd like to find out'. and the rest is history."
"bernard, what the hell?" dr. esperanza says shocked, "that's the most rom-com-esque story i've ever heard."
"what?" bernard blushes, "no it's not."
"bear," esperanza says slowly, "he showed up at your door and said 'i don't know what this feeling i get when i'm near you is, but i want to find out.' that is something straight out of the notebook."
"no, no! he's such a dork!" bernard assures them frantically, "he does this thing, when he laughs too hard, he snorts and it sets him off again and it just keeps going. and you should've seen him in high school, the biggest skater boy to ever exist. he's teaching me..."
and bernard goes on and on for the next 15 minutes, trailing off only when he notices them all smiling at him.
"what?" he says shyly.
"you're in love with him, aren't you?" dr. farah says.
bernard chokes, "what?! no! ...maybe?"
everyone shares a look between each other. marissa steps forward, "well on behalf of the gotham general ER staff, i can assure you, we all approve."
"thank you?"
"bring him around sometime!" nurse gu says, "we'd all like to meet him."
"why? so you can give him the shovel talk?"
"of course!" dr. farah says, smiling widely, "he’s dating our youngest! we have to threaten him!"
bernard's voice is suspiciously wet when says a few moments later, "thanks guys."
and so on it goes for the next few months until marissa comes back after her break, deathly pale. everyone worries but she refuses to tell anyone what's wrong. and then a few weeks later, nurse gu goes on his break and comes back shocked. and then a month later, dr. zacharia comes back from a quick step outside, lips sealed shut.
and on it goes until there is one glaring truth the gotham general ER night staff cannot ignore:
bernard dowd is dating red robin. open relationship or cheating, to be determined.
a year after the news about tim drake and bernard had been released, and half a year after the, what the staff has taken to calling it, Red Robin Scandal™ began, dr. farah calls a night staff meeting.
the staff meeting is boring as usual until the end when dr. farah opens the conversation to the staff to voice their concerns.
"are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?" dr. esperanza asks.
"i think bernard might be cheating on his boyfriend!" marissa blurts out before slapping her hands over her mouth, horrified.
“oh thank god.” esperanza sighs.
"wait you saw them too?" nurse gu asks.
"in the narrow walkway," dr. zacharia starts.
"between the ER and jacobson building." dr. esperanza finishes.
"exactly!" marissa says.
"i caught them in the parking lot once." dr. farah admits, mouth pressed into a grim line, "they were pressed up against the fence in the back — y'know where the light doesn't shine? — kissing each other like they'd just come back from world war 2."
"ay, how could that boy be so stupid?" marissa sighs, "getting caught up with a vigilante?"
"maybe it's like polyamory?" esperanza says, ever hopeful.
"whatever it is," farah says, "he should know better than to get involved with those people. we have to talk to him."
they pull bernard into an unused conference room, just the 5 of them, 3 weeks later.
"hey, hey!" bernard exclaims as they shove him into a chair, "what's going on?"
nobody speaks.
"guys?"
"are you cheating on tim drake?"
"what?"
"are you cheating on tim drake?" marissa repeats.
"no! why would you think that?"
"everyone on the night staff has caught you kissing red robin at least once. wanna try that again?" farah says.
bernard sighs, "is that what this is about? doc, i swear to god, i'm not cheating on tim."
"so he knows?" zacharia asks.
"yes zach, tim knows about me and red robin."
"and he's okay with it?"
"yes. tim doesn't mind me dating both of them." bernard says, a smile playing on his lips.
nobody speaks for a while.
"so..." bernard breaks the silence first, "are we good here? do you approve?"
"no." esperanza says, "we don't approve."
"what?"
"he's no good for you." nurse gu says.
"you don't even know him." bernard says incredulously.
"oh and you do?" zacharia says scathingly, "he's a vigilante bear. how much do you really know?"
"more than you zach!"
pleadingly bernard turns toward farah, "c'mon doc, you don't agree do you?"
"you know, when you first started dating tim drake, i had my reservations. rich people and all that. but i figured with all that money, if you ever got roped into rich people problems, tim's money would help out. you'd be taken care of and he clearly loves you, so i didn't mind too much."
"but this..." farah trails off, "i can't accept this."
turning towards marissa, "tita, please."
"don't do that, bear. wag kang tanga. it's not good to be with him."
"he loves me! is that not enough?" bernard near-yells, "i thought that's what you wanted. someone who loves me!"
"enough to quit being a vigilante?" esperanza asks.
"quit being a vigilante? are you guys hearing yourself?" bernard asks angrily, "he saves the city on a near-nightly basis and you want me to ask him to give it all up because what? he's dating me?"
"so let him save the city without you." nurse gu says, "why does he need to drag you into it?"
"he's not dragging me into anything! i am a full consenting adult! i chose him! what’s so different about what he and i do anyway?"
“well for one, our job is legal. and two, there are safety measures put in place so that you don’t get hurt. so that your coworkers don’t get hurt. your man walks into the joker’s lair with an inch of kevlar and a prayer on his lips.” zacharia says.
nurse gu sighs, "look. nobody here is mad at him for saving the city. everyone here knows somebody who has been saved by the bats. but the deal is that they save the city and they don't drag anybody else into it."
"the bats, whoever they are? they chose that life. for whatever reason, they chose that life and all the dangers that go with it. you’re not stupid bear, don’t get involved with whatever he has going on. pick literally anyone else.” farah says.
“you need a third person that badly? take zach! the ER was planning on setting you up with him before we found out about tim, anyway.”
“what?” zacharia says, rounding on nurse gu.
“you know what?” bernard says, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly, “ i don’t have to explain myself to you guys.”
“you can’t marry him.” marissa says.
“who said anything about marriage? i’m 22!”
“you clearly love tim. you two seem like you’re going to last a while and if you love red robin they way you love tim, them somewhere along those years of being together then you’re going to start thinking of marriage. what then? how are you going to explain red robin to the people you love?”
“we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
“look, bernard,” farah says gently, “we’re not doing this cause we don’t want you to be happy. you mean a lot to me, i think of you as my son. we just-”
“you’re not my mom.” bernard snaps out, “you’re not my mom, you’re not my aunt, my uncle, my brother. you guys aren’t anything to me!”
he turns and walks away.
“farah do something.” marissa hisses.
“let him go. he said he’s an adult right? then let him make his choices.”
“but,” she says, raising her voice so bernard can hear her, “if anything goes wrong, and i mean anything at all, i hope he knows that adults don’t have to do everything by themselves. that they can ask people for help.”
bernard’s hands still on the doorknob. “thank you.” he says voice rough, “nothing will happen, but thank you for the offer.” and he walks out the door.
bernard dowd, is 22 year old EMT that has too much heart and not enough brain. he’ll rush into burning buildings if he thinks he has even a minute chance of saving someone. he’s kind and he’s sweet and more importantly, he’s dating timothy drake-wayne, ceo of wayne enterprises.
if you ask the ER night staff at gotham general, after a lot of prodding, they might tell you that bernard dowd was one of the youngest EMTs to ever join the gotham county emergency medical services. they might tell you that bernard dowd has been wondering if he should become an AEMT or a paramedic. they might tell you that as the major receiver for all patients, bernard saw them all the time and imprinted on them like a baby duck. and if you’re really close they might, tell you the ER’s biggest secret: bernard dowd is dating both timothy drake-wayne and red robin. or they might just let you walk in on them making out behind the ER. whatever comes first really.
(if you get close enough to a certain group of people on the ER night staff, they’ll tell you that bernard dowd has two hands and he uses them to hold onto his boyfriends. 
they’ll tell you that tim drake is a nice boy and they’re a little worried about their bernard fitting into the circles a wayne walks in, but he’s a nice boy who clearly loves bernard, so they’re not too worried.
they’ll tell you that that red robin character is no good for their bernard and has no business getting so close to their youngest. that red robin is going to get bernard into trouble one day, the kind of trouble that you don’t come back from.
and if you get really close to them, they’ll tell you over lunch breaks and muttered whispers, that both boys are going to break their youngest’s heart. and that if they had to pick, red robin will do it first. that their bernard loves a little too deeply and that they're worried that it’ll break bernard.
but they’re not too worried, they say. because bernard has them and if that bastard red robin breaks his heart, then they’ll pick up the pieces, they’ll sew him back together if they have to. after all, bernard stitches up half of gotham every night, this is the least they could do.)
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graceful-not · 6 months ago
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oh.
OH.
MISS INMEE I THINK IM LITERALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU HOLY SHIT
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itspileofgoodthings · 7 months ago
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dead-salmon · 3 months ago
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so jkr is back to tweeting
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lotus-pear · 9 months ago
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Fav madoka magica character??? You had great taste in anime for a ten year old kid lmao😭
aww thanks ALSO OMG OK so mami was my fav she just radiated big older sister energy for me when i was younger and i thought she was rly cool and like looking back now she was literally so young and did not deserve what happened to her :((((
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marxm-03 · 8 months ago
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Morally ambiguous characters when the "good" bitches make bad choices and fuck things up AGAIN
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hauntingblue · 8 months ago
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I THINK!! usopp and nami (and maybe others too) need to learn haki. They said you can't be in the new world without it because everyone is just so incredibly strong and here we are. They are getting headbutted to death and can't do anything about it (their abilities are being nerfed for the plot I know) but they could be SO GOOD if they could do something more idk.... we saw how strong nami was with zeus.... but she has fought with her bostaff before and that just disappeared... nami haki bostaff you will live in my dreams I guess
#jesus christ the blood#OH MY GOD!! KIKU!!!!!#WHY HER????????#episode 1005#WHY DO WOMEN HAVE TO SUFFER!!! TAKE ALL HER PAOM AND MAKE SANJI HAVE IT#SHINOBU!!!!!! YAMATO!!! DESTROY THEM!!!!!#rovin and chipper with a plank akdhass#hamlet and fourtricks lmaooo#now back to BEAUTIFUL WOMEN SUFFERING!!!! SHE IS NOT DEAD DONT MAKE THAT FACE!!!! OH SHE IS ALRIGHT#WOUND CAUTERIZING OMG!!!!! kaido just there watching ajdjakdjk AND SHE GETS UP TO FIGHT AGAIN!!! BADDEST BITCH IN WANO!!!!#now she cant do the oden nitoryuu#death makes humans whole..... you could have had your head cut off 10 minutes ago#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1006#im blaming sanji for kikus arm. if he had gotten there earlier he would have gotten the hit and a woman wouldn't have spilled her blood#APOO IS ALIVE AND KICKING AGAIN??? DIEEEEEE#episode 1007#you know its getting slow when the episode tags look like this lmao#zoro complaining how fighting apoo is a waste KILL HIM THEN!!! DECAPITATION!!!!#not only ZORO but DRAKE IS THERE TOO! APOO SHOULD BE QUARTERED ALREADY!!!!#NAMI!!!!!! ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL WOMAN SUFFERING AND AS ALWAYS SANJI IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN!!! HYPOCRITE!!!!#this is why armor haki needs to be taught on the sunny. wdym nami can just get super hit. like come on. this is just self preservation#omg..... usopp brain fracture.... NAMI AVENGE HIM!!!#OMG NAMI WILLI#G TO DIEEE FOR LUFFYS DREAM!!! AND TAMAAA!!!!!!!! COMES AND SAVES HER!!!!!#usopp wanting her to lie and save herself but no..... damn and he wouldn't do it either#episode 1009#CARROT KICK HIS ASS!!!!! noooooooo :(((( i feel like we don't get enough of someone missing someone dead like this.... it's so good....#WANDA SULONG TOO?? LETS FUCKING GOOOO!!!! PEROSPERO SAY YOUR PRAYERS!!!!
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sant-riley · 1 year ago
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MW3 SPOILERS FOR WHO DIES //
Yk what ever fucking since I saw Soap die in front of me, I have not had one moment of fucking peace y'all, this is fucking insane.
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obessivedork · 9 months ago
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I LOVE doing a "Was always planning on betraying The Brotherhood" Fallout 4 run, it's so funny. Like why yes I did take the collect technical documents quest specifically to hoard them away from TBoS, why yes mister "Elder" Sir I will definitely, totally, inform you when I find a way into the Institute. Lol. Thanks for the power armour and energy weapons, losers 🤪🤙
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taterdraws · 7 months ago
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Hiii you’re actually not that far away from reality with morning star = sun, bc in Rome where Luciferus was an incarnation of Venus it was “the first star” on the horizon, right before the sun outshines it. Lucifer is our beautiful darling ☀️
Your art is so good thank you for the food ❤️🌹🫡
hiii! bfdkjbg ugh i know there were reasons why it is Venus and i would not be miffed about it if not for the fact that the sun is right there. i will be deranged in the tags.
and aaaaah thank you kindly!!!!! ❤️🥹i love drawing these fuckers so i'm so glad you like the art <3
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dogslosing · 4 months ago
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famewolf · 23 days ago
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attacking the random ass woman who was on a loud phone call in the cemetery who walked a full block, while trampling people's graves and told us we shouldn't be touching them
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swallowtail-ageha · 23 days ago
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*video by a self proclaimed historian archeology with mary on a cross dramatic beat in the background fake crying hand on mouth in instagram reels* here is a funeral epigraphy of this young roman lady who got murdered by her husband! People especially men were such beasts right then and haven't changed much! *shows epigraphy where parents of murdered girl both father and mother denounce their daughter's murder as something abominable and either way Very Much Not Uncaring of the girls fate*
#i also just think its dangerous to like. chalk up an entire population/culture as having components that act like a monolith#and every one is a misogynistic violent man who uses women as a bargaining chip and no one cared about their#wife/sister/mother/daughter ever#and well. i know the long dead thousand year long spanning violent state the roman empire doesnt need my defense lol#i just think. generalizing a demographic is bad. and like. how people are just comfortable doing it because#they have decided that the entity they are talking about is 'bad' and thus can say all the shit they want about them#and like yeah. roman misogyny was really bad and disgusting i studied roman literature for fucks sakw#i know what many men thought of women back then#but again. there were other men who cared about their female relatives. cicero and tullia. fulvia and clodius. pliny and calpurnia.#ovid and fabia.#literally the longest latin epigraphy we have is a man mourning his wife and wishing he died in her place and listing how wonderful she was#and when pointed out the people in the comments (whose venn diagram is a circle with bitches who exploit little girls#getting raped and/or murdered to spam I CHOOSE THE BEAR which again. if some bitch did that with me#they'd probably find her bloated naked body in the tevere two weeks later like holy shit its so disrespectful)#is a circle)#say 'buuh oooh well some guys loved their wives/daughter what matters she still died' and well.#people point that shit out because you are already so quick to jump at condemning a whole people as mindless monsters#who only thought about raping impregnating killing their child wives and thats just. not true#do you truly believe every human back then didnt have feelings and just adhered to societal norms?#do you thinl you from the oh so enlightened future are illuminated from those filthy savages and are immune from societal bias?#i also feel that like. the way most of those people approach this is less empathy on#the women who suffered beforeha d#in that place and more 'how can i make this about me a 25 yo WASP woman' yk
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starstaiined · 2 years ago
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me, leaning into the microphone: this is a little psa to all my comfort characters ... STOP FUCKING DYING, YOU BITCHES KNOW WHO YOU ARE. thank you.
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haarute · 3 months ago
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i will forever be upset at my mother for straight up losing my kouji wada autograph.
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