#oh archivist! stupid ass

[3xigua]

michale my wife 💛

closeups under the cut :3

[not-scared-of-microwaves]

I am Jon's number 1 supporter. Everything he's done is perfectly understandable and reasonable. Yeah, season 1 Jon was a bit of a dick to Martin, but if you picked your assistants but your boss assigned this random guy to assist you as well, and this guy isn't very good at his job, and then you find out it's because he literally wasn't qualified for the job in the first place? And add that to the fact that you already know you aren't qualified for the job you've been given, so you need to do a good job and this guy is making that harder? being a bit of a dick isn't necessarily justified, but it's certainly understandable.

Of course season 2 Jon was paranoid, and honestly I'd argue that he wasn't "paranoid" because can it really be called paranoia if you're right? Since he got the archivist job, he's felt like he's being watched and his best defense was pretending to be a jaded skeptic, but it's been proven that being skeptical didn't help, and he got literally eaten by a sentient worm infestation's worms. While hiding from the worms that came for him in his work place, the dead body of his predecessor was found in the tunnels. She was shot, probably by someone in the institute. Things keep showing up asking for specifically the Archivist. He's been given multiple reasons to believe that someone else in the archives is out to get him, and in the end it turns out he's right--Sasha isn't Sasha, and Gertrude was literally murdered by his boss. "His paranoia wasn't justified" it absolutely was. No, Martin and Tim didn't deserve to be stalked, but considering Jon's been nothing but an ass to Martin, and Martin continued to be nice to him, and there was certainly someone out to get him, yeah, it was a reasonable concern.

Season 3, 4 , & 5Jon? Every decision, however stupid they seem, were perfectly reasonable when you look at how he was being treated. He considers himself a monster, and everywhere he turns other people are encouraging this view. If he expresses remorse? Oh boohoo the monster feels guilty. If he doesn't? Where's his humanity, he's just a monster. If he doesn't tell people what's going on, he's not communicating and people are mad about it. If he does tell people what's going on, then he's dragging them down with him and he needs to stop involving people. Basira blames him for Daisy, until he dies, Tim blames him for Sasha, Melanie blames him for literally everything and never liked him to begin with, Georgie cut him off because he wasn't trying to get out (not that he could escape if he tried), Martin's isolating himself for the Lonely. Everywhere he turns he's met with criticism and a lack of sympathy. Of course he's going to throw himself into the Buried to get back someone he sees as more valued and more wanted than he is--if you already hate yourself, and everyone else is encouraging it, you'd do it too. He blames himself for the apocalypse, he blames himself for what happened to Daisy, the list goes on. Of course he's incredibly self sacrificing--take an already selfless person, load them up with self-loathing and guilt, and the only thing you're going to get is someone who places everyone elses value well above their own, and is self-sacrificing to the point of self-destruction.

He's done nothing wrong and that is a hill I will die on.

[akaikali]

TMAGP EP 30 SEASON FINALE REACTION (SPOILERS)

OH MY GOD IM IN CLASS OK HERE WE GO READING THE TRANSCRIPT I'LL LISTEN LATER

i hate the episode name btw

SAM YOU FUCKING IDIOT SHE'S NOT ANGRY YOU'RE IN DANGER YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER AAAAAAAA YOU'RE GONNA GET YOURSELF KILLED (also the transcript saying he sounds "ill" i don't like that)

"alice means well but she doesnt really understand" oi celia what do you mean she doesn't understand she got attacked by the same thing sam did

"my head is killing me" i dont think this is a normal headache ALSO IM SO SUSPICIOUS DONT TAKE THE PILLS SAMAMA KHALID COME ON

"all goes to plan" WHAT CELIA WHAT (they say like they're surprised that she's sus)

"ticket officer, not paid enough for this" NONE OF US ARE BUDDY

oh jesus christ colin is gonna end up dead isnt he. and possibly teddy too. both of them acted the same way based on alice saying she was busy

waiy. colin is in the office, but lena and gwen are in the office too?? also lena is gonna end up dead and gwen is gonna feel guilty isn't she

OH NEVER MIND. GWEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET FUCKED. I REALLY HOPE LENA GETS TO GO HOME TO HER SPOUSE AND GOES "yeah fuck THAT I'm glad I'm out of there"

wait they KNOW it was one the train??? wtf???? and why is celia so calm about this

"what unit did you say it was?" "Seventeen-" SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE-sorry I'm coping with jeonghan's enlistment date okay

CELIA WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO YOU MEAN CALL IT A HUNCH. GIRL ARE YOU SERVING THE EYE?????

"we want your teeth" JARED HOPWORTH??? IS THAT YOU????

now who the FUCK is this custodian hold on checking the VA list-ok nvm not breekon or hope i was wondering bc. yknow. custodian. maybe a reference

this custodian is so real he's like "yeah no this ain't any of my business you do you boo"

LMFAOOO THE TAXI DRIVER THINKING SAM IS CHEATING ON ALICE WITH CELIA AND THAT SHE'S GOING TO KILL THEM BOTH

THE CUSTODIAN JUST YELLING "SHUT UP" IS TAKING ME OUT OH MY GOD AND THE KNOCKING ACTUALLY STOPS

get archivisted bro

oooo okay so hilltop centre got a bloody history. but also who is this "he" that hired the custodian? also the fact that he refuses to come in the daytime is very interesting because usually people would find it less creepy at daytime but he seems to be more comfortable at night?? which is giving the dark but ok

poeple ARRIVED???? NO WAY THEY CONFIRMING THE CRACK AT HILLTOP ROAD CONNECTS HERE ALONG WITH MOST PROBABLY OTHER UNIVERSES

"why the outfit was so mismatched, why the clothes were been pinned in place" okay this is kind of reminded me of the stranger for no particular reason????

OH THE FUCKING OWNER DIED OKAY

SORRY AS HE TURNS TO CONCRETE?????? WHAT????

a precipice????? sorry is there a whole-ass different world??? also celia wtf do you mean "almost"??? yeah sam its about time you asked her more questions

Sam's headache is not comforting me i don't think its normal WOOOOOO CONFIRMATION THE UNIVERSE-JUMPER CELIA

ahhh there it is. she was using him as a balance because she hoped getting him close enough to the magnus institute would make him enough a balance.

IS THE ARCHIVIST STOPPING HER???? ALSO SAM WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU JUST TELLING HER TO DO IT????

god sam you fucking idiot i love you. she betrayed you and lied to you and yet you still fought the archivist for her. also alice coming here worries me because i think she has a close connection to the magnus institute too and she might get sacrificed

NOT AGAIN???? OH MY GOD DID HER PARENTS DIE IN HILLTOP ROAD?????

gwen you're gonna get yourself and everyone killed oh my god

...see i dont know if i trust that now. i know celia hesitated but who's to say she wouldn't take the opportunity to push sam? or even not done anything when she had the chance to save him? i mean...i guess she did say "even though..."

MAN. SAM. I KNEW YOU WERE PROBABLY GONNA DIE FIRST BUT DAMN. STUPID MAN. I LOVE YOU.

i dont think sam is dead i mean celia fell through the rift and lived, who's to say sam couldn't do the same? the question is, which universe did he fall into? and will celia tell alice the truth about what she was planning?

mainly, though, i need to know whats going on with colin because WHAT DID HE MEAN WITH FR3DD1 WHAT HAPPENED. AND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TEDDY.

[zephyruswrites536]

Short short short fic:

The old men avatar trying to get anything done in pairs/groups~!warning cursing!

Jonah: Hey… Peter could you get me some tea?

Peter: No, you haven’t won a bet

Jonah*Had just been trying to relax after Brutal pipe murder*: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

-

Peter: Simon, I really don’t want to have to do the institutes party, can you host it?

Simon(drinking a blue coffee): No, you haven’t won a bet against me to allow that-

Peter(cringing inside before phasing to the prison): Elias- if I let you out this one time..:

Jonah(laying down on the metal bench looking at his nails): Fuck off, I’m not hosting an institute party just because your sorry ass is Asocial

-

Simon: So, Jonah… I was thinking- what if I tried making one of your employees-

Jonah(putting his pointer finger up): I’m going to stop you right there and say you don’t have a win on me.

-

Continuation of Peter trying to get somebody to host the party~

Peter: Rayner… could you possibly-

Maxwell: Peter. I Will say this one time and one time only, I do not associate with the institute outside of Jonah- and I do not place bets like you dumb fucks.

Peter(giving his best 😀 smile): Thank you for the insight, Rayner.

-

Jonah: Simon, is it true you only really have two avatars under the vast?

Simon(trying to slip away): Jonah, you know I do not answer questions for the watcher.

Jonah(smirking): ah, well, yes. I know that. But I was just wondering if you’d like to tell me. Not the watcher.

Simon(stopping his escape to give the 😃 smile): You know Jonah- you are not the least bit as clever as you try to come off as… maybe a few more centuries will get you there.

Jonah(grasping at straws): Simon… Please.

Simon: How about a bet?

Jonah(sighing-screaming internally): On what exactly, Simon?

Simon(tapping his cane against the ground as he thinks): How about… how much time it will take for Peter to come how with the idea that he doesn’t have to do the institute party?

Jonah(nodding): Sounds fair… How long do you think?

Simon: About a week.

Jonah(laughing): We’ll see about that…

Simon(realizing he’s just made the dumbest bet of his life with the best manipulator he knows): Oh- wait- no- Jonah come back!

-

Everyone respectively drinking their coffee- Simon’s blue one, Peter’s black coffee(with one pump of vanilla and nothing else), Jonah’s Carmel macchiato, and Maxwell’s seasonal black as night coffee-

Maxwell: So- Jonah- how are things with the new Archivist?

Jonah(seeming quizzical): Since when do you- ah- … How’s your little minuscule and ultimately unsuccessful black hole doing?

Maxwell(suddenly angry): Oh well since you asked so kindly-

Simon(leaning over to talk to Peter while Jonah and Maxwell bicker): When you do think Maxwell will first bring up your great great great great grandpa?

Peter(going rigid at the thought of Mordechai): I’m not making a stupid bet with you, Simon.

Simon(tutting, before giving the 😃 smile): Seems I was right anyways.

Maxwell(having set down his coffee minutes ago): Are you going to fuck them like you fuck every avatar and worker in your inner circle?

Jonah(giving a 😀 but one eye-twitching smile): Edmund, do you want to visit the end? Or do you want me to squeeze the information out of you like twisting out a soaked necktie?

-

Annabelle(got invited while Elias was in prison): This seems like an awfully boring event.

Maxwell(sitting as far back in his seat as possible sipping his black coffee that goes cold every time and deadpan staring at her like she’s committed a capital offense): It’s actually quite eventful when Jonah is here.

Simon (reading the same paper that Gertrude had posted to stop Peter’s ritual in physical format as he does every-time the meet for coffee): Why- it is peculiar that you are acting so upset now that Jonah is gone- or is that your hormones from the new body?

Maxwell(looking like a goth but not the good kind- the 12 y/o kind): Oh shut up!

-

Simon(on his way over to the institute but stopping at the prison to say hi): Don’t you look ravishing.

Jonah, bored to death, sitting upside down for the first time in months): Fuck off. What do you want?

Simon(smirking and looking him over before sighing): We both know that Peter is going to fail.

Jonah(nodding and sitting correctly): Yes.

Simon: But we don’t know how badly he’ll fail.

Jonah(stopping for a second): What are you suggesting?

Simon(giving a cheery laugh): I suggest the good captain will die.

Jonah(thinking it over before nodding and leaning back): Most likely.

Simon: The question is when?

Jonah: Placing a bet, are we?

Simon(nodding like a kid on Cotten candy): Exactly, I estimate after the worlds changed.

Jonah(shaking his head): You’re saying he’d give himself over to the end?

Simon: Precisely.

Jonah: Well- I’m sure you’re wrong and Jon will kill him, good luck then.

[lord-squiggletits]

Actually one of my favorite instances of "people being dicks about IDW Optimus on posts about IDW/Optimus/MegOP" was when I saw a commentator claim with their whole ass "Megatron deserves better than Optimus" like.

Bestie.

Megatron killed billions of people.

He himself would deny the notion that he "deserves" anything bc he's incredibly depressed about wasting his life on atrocities and, by the end of the series, thinks wholeheartedly that submitting to a trial to give the galaxy its justice is more important to him than living a carefree life.

And even if you don't ship MegOP, Megatron speaks positively of Optimus multiple times and is happy, or at least more animated, whenever he speaks to OP.

It's just so funny to talk about "deserving a better lover" in reference to a blood stained imperialist who himself would admit to his own villainy and doesn't see himself as superior to anyone just because he was right once upon a time. Like bestie your own blorbo would not agree with your take that Optimus is just The Worst and completely unrespectable. So funny.

Actually wait no. My FAVORITE (and imagine I say "favorite" with intense scorn and disgust) instance of someone being a dick about IDW OP in a space about IDW OP, was someone commenting on an IDW MegOP multichapter fic-- clearly something the author must love and put a lot of effort in to write like 300,000 words about them-- to go "WHINE WHINE WHY ARE YOU WRITING IDW OPTIMUS HE SUCKS, MOAN MOAN NOBODY WRITES ABOUT IDW MEGOP BC IT'S BORING AND MEGATRON DESERVES BETTER, BITCH BITCH WHINE YOU SHOULD WRITE MEGAROD OR MEGSMAGS INSTEAD"

The sheer fucking entitlement of coming onto someone's IDW Megop fic to insult the character and ship they're writing about, then demand they write about YOUR favorite ship bc you think their ship is stupid and boring. Ough it was literally the worst thing I'd ever seen short of actively harassing and trying to get someone to quit writing (those instances weren't IDW OP related, just trolls being assholes).

Or the various times scrolling the Megop tag going "oh wow cool fanart :) " and then the tags are "this isn't IDW OP btw because he SUCKS ASS and I hate him." Or going "oh wow this artist makes a lot of megop let me check their blog" and seeing a seemingly innocuous post of them talking about G1 Megop, then out of nowhere they go "btw fuck IDW OP". Or just going on someone's blog bc they make cool content in general and seeing them go "IDW Megatron is so cool! [Sentences about why they enjoy him.] Also I think IDW OP should die in a ditch."

I kinda assumed that MegOP spaces would be safe, since y'know if they ship MegOP it makes sense that they like both characters? Plus, Megatron is sooo hated and there's so much discourse around him, but that means that Megatron fans probably guard their own spaces against hate and know what it's like to have their faves shit on constantly with tons of petty drama? NOPE literally met multiple IDW Megatron stans who would get so mad about people calling their fave problematic, then would turn around and go "lmao who would like IDW Optimus, no one likes him, I ship Megatron with dockworker or archivist OP because they're so much better than him. IDW OP is a fucking asshole I hate him." Like MMMMMMMM I kinda thought that in a space dedicated to liking Optimus/Megatron/Optimus and Megatron kissing each other, there wouldn't be people randomly shitting on the characters, but oh well. Just leave those spaces.

Well not to worry, I can always go to AO3 and look at fic, that's an archive site and not social media, and all I need to do is filter the tags to IDW Megop and I'll have everything I need!

>Fic 1: Tagged IDW MegOP, author says it's continuity soup with archivist Orion

>Fic 2: Tagged IDW MegOP. Archivist Orion.

>Fic 3: Tagged IDW MegOP. Dockworker Orion. The author thoughtfully includes a tag/author's note solely dedicated to talking about how IDW OP fucking sucks so they replaced him with a Better Optimus

>Fic infinity: Tagged IDW MegOP. Continuity soup with archivist Orion again.

>Fic infinity+1: Tagged IDW MegOP. Actually is about IDW Megatron and IDW Optimus. Posted in 2014. Has not been updated since 2018.

>Fic infinity+n: Tagged IDW MegOP. Actually IDW MegOP. I have already read them. Every single one. They were posted years ago. They were last updated years ago. The authors have long since gone to other fandoms, never to return and finish their fics.

>I give up and decide the only IDW MegOP fic I'll ever get will be my own.

So many times. <:) And that kids is why I don't talk to anyone else in the fandom unless they're mutuals or a friend of a friend. The fandom is small when you can't go looking for new, cool people any more bc seemingly all of them will randomly pop off about how much they hate your blorbo with no provocation at all.

[fluffypotatey]

Leverage Ep 12 >:3

Pre-show:

WE MADE IT TO THE FINALE

TOOK ME MONTHS BUT WE’RE HERE 🔥🔥🔥🔥

can’t think only react

So excited

Reaction:

Oooooh synopsis are you telling me we’re gonna heist the ✨insurance company✨ hehehehe

shit wait we’re starting there?????

OH SHIT

ok ok soooooo Nate is drunk (maybe???? possibly???? most likely????), he almost shot a dude (past boss????), past boss offered shrimp and Nate just went “I do like shrimp”

Bro?????? Is this a flashback????

They don’t give a time or date tho….keeping it mysterious for plot reasons I guess (<- is grumbling about it)

WAIT

SOPHIE

SOPHIE IS HERE

YIU MOTHERFUCKER

LEVERAGE YOU DIDNT

HOW DARE YOU NATE DONT YELL AT SOPHIE

they staged an intervention whilst giving him heist of his dreams 🤧 like a “hey, broski, your drinking problem sucks…..wanna get at the man who ruined you?”

ELIOT WITH GLASSES YES

ohhhhhh so this is why it’s called the 1st David Job

“While you are well-versed in dead guy art, I am not” I love you so much Alec 💕💕💕💕💕💕

Oooooh pretty art

Ummmmm sketchy basement????

omfg the vases 👀👀👀👀👀

Bro just let him take a photo????? Rookie mistake

Awwwwww let Parker play with the little naked man 🥰

Lmao Sophie does not need you to tell her how to heist a guy, Nate 🤭 so silly, maybe if you drank some water—

Oh ho! You calling the pope a heathen 😂 in front of an alleged Vatican archivist 😂 you got balls man

Mag????? THE EX WIFE?????

WHAT

WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?????? Girlie why are you in a party hosted by the ceo of the company that killed your son??????

Parker is meeeeeeeeeeee

SOPHIE 😂😂😂😂

Oh dear…..Maggie what are you doing????

SOPHIE 😂😂😂😂😂😂

It’s what….15 minutes???? jfc

Alec turned the fucking statue 💀💀💀💀💀

“Breakfast jambalaya” well now I’m hungry

YEEEEE MY PARKER/ALEC HEART

awwwwwwww he wants to talk about it 🥺🥺🥺 I’m ok T^T totally

ELIOT 💀💀💀 YOU DID NOT

Love my chaotic, smart Parker 🥰

ok, so, question: they mention that Nate’s ex-wife meets him to talk about when the priest got attacked in the Miracle Job, but now it’s like the team never met her before???? sorry it’s been awhile but I’m a little confused. Shouldn’t Sophie already know what she looks like???? Bc she made the “she’s pretty” comment here like idk sorry I’m might be overthinking this?

Lmaooooooo SOPHIE

ELIOT IS DONE LMAOOOOO

Parker don’t throw the David!!!!!

?????

Ok does the ex-wife care as in she wants to get back together or care as in “we used to love each other and while it isn’t the same now I still care for you like an old friend cares”? bc I really want option 2

Eliot why would you bring up the ex-wife again????

Sophie……girlie what are you doing???? She looks so excited and idk whether to be concerned or not

Oooooooh parents are talking

Lmao that door does not help at all, plus it has windows???? The trio’s still there this is not a private combo lol

oh shit she doesn’t know 🫢

Nate/Sophie 🥺🥺🥺🥺 why are they so soft stop it

Fuck up the company please 🙏🏻

TEXACO?????

Wait bro what’s the new plan???

Alec lmao 😂 bringing out the pen, making the pilot panic

you not a fan of heights 👀 ironic

ALEC 💀💀💀

“FAA! he’s a hardass” 😂😂😂😂

ALECCCCC WTF

BRO THE PILOTS ARE STILL THERE

My thoughts on what the pilot’s are thinking: “fucking FAA….stupid new regulations….wait, why is he putting that on his head??? What’s with that briefcase???? Who is he talking to???? What’s with the statue????….fucking FAA…”

Ah fuck it’s option 1….dammit

YEAH NATE PUNCH HIS ASS

OH SHIT

WHO WAS THAT GET THAT CAMERA AWAY

And of course this is just halfway

YES ELIOT WAIT FUCK

WHOMST

WAIT ALEC BB NOOOO HES JUST A MAN LEAVE MY MAN ALONE

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE??????

PARKER FUCK

LEAVE HIM ALONNNNNE

WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY BOY

FUCKUNG CROWLEY LOOKING DUDE BETTER NOT HARM PARKER

YES ELIOT FUCK HIM UP BREAK HIS KNEES

“I’ll come alone” fucking liar >:(

Sophie…….no girlie……..

Sterling please don’t hurt my Nate/Sophie please…..dont 🥺

He’s keeping Parker???? You bitch

Fuck 🫠 so stressed rn

Please tell me this episode isn’t over 🫠🫠🫠🫠

Ok ok not over 🥺 but still stressed

Nooooooooo Sophie/Nate please!!!!! You can’t hurt each other 🤧🤧🤧🤧 it’s not allowed!

Lmao you put it on the the edge of the roof, very classy girlie

ALEC!!!! BABY T^T

Parker should kill him, for funsies

Eliot should kill all of the lackies, for funsies as well • Hahaaaaaa so stressed

Girlie don’t you dare jump

GIRLIE WHAT

FUCK THEM ALLL UPPPPPP BOYS

I mean….they could cut the line????

Eliot you good??? Are his ribs still broke?????

Ok so episode is close to ending….everything seems well…but this is a 2-parter????

“Shouldn’t we call the police?” “You’re fired” said it like a true villain to his henchman 😎

ALEC BRO BADASS BUT STILL THE HQ????

Lmaooooo talking shit, piglet?

OHHHHHHHHH THE SHOT IS JUST LIKE THE PILOT!!!!! THEY’RE DIUNG A PARALLEL OF HOW THEY MET WHEN THEY WERE BARELY A TEAM AND NOW PRESENT TIME WHERE THEY ARE A FAMILY OH MY GOD!!!!

EVEN THE SCATTER WAS LIKE THE PILOT AHHHHHHHHHH

Final Thoughts:

[leporellian]

don giovanni modern au headcanons

'didnt you already make a modern au headcanons list like 2-3 years ago' yeah and i'll do it again baby. this time though its better

(if you're wondering i sourced all the last names from various don juan plays over The Years, except for elvira's, which is a tribute to her original actress in the moliere play.)

on don giovanni himself - giovanni tenorio is, essentially, a rich idiot with no day job. his dad is a republican congressman, and giovanni says he "disagrees" with him, but really this means "giovanni calls himself a libertarian and thinks weed should be legal while Not Caring about any of his dad's other policies". - (he will change political affiliations on a dime if he's trying to persuade/seduce someone.) - (it's also funny he's a libertarian bc he's also very much a catholic still.) - giovanni's parents are pretty excessively doting on him and refuse to believe that their sweet little angel, their only child, could be a... well, you know. in childhood his mother was excessively permissive while his father was straight up physically abusive (in the "kids these days don't get paddled like they used to" way), and while it's unclear how much of that influenced the kind of person giovanni became it seems like both parents regret their parenting in their own way. - because of his family being old money, as well as his dad's stock investments (don't tell anyone LOL), giovanni has a stupid amount of money he usually treats as entirely disposable. he has no idea how to manage it and usually spends a good amount of it buying stupid shit to entertain himself for like 5 minutes or to aid in a Scheme. - (this has led to situations where leporello will come home to find giovanni holding an umbrella cockatoo and swearing it as their new pet, for example, because giovanni thought it would be fun. and it was, for maybe about twenty-six minutes.) - also because of his dad being a rich congressman with Connections giovanni is pretty easily able to get away with everything. any time leporello questions this giovanni goes "oh it'll be just like ted kennedy" which annoys lep to NO end because he doesn't even know what to say to that - he lives together with leporello, his childhood-friend-turned-roommate-turned-possible-indentured-servant, in some stupid ass mcmansion somewhere in the chicago suburbs. i'm saying naperville for now bc naperville is like the mcmansion-slash-unhinged-rich-people-behavior capital of illinois godbless

(why does everyone in this modern au live in or around chicago? because i know that place best. personal bias sorree)

on leporello - leporello catalinon was childhood friends with giovanni, which is funny bc they're so different in terms of background and upbringing - he was born the eldest of five (his siblings are all sisters) into a working-class jewish household, not too far from where giovanni grew up. he and giovanni met in elementary school and bonded, because back when he was a kid giovanni was actually somewhat nice. - eventually giovanni got in trouble in high school doing some dumb (and in hindsight relatively harmless) shit and giovanni's parents decided being his being in a public school was the problem, so he and leporello fell out of touch when giovanni relocated to some catholic school - leporello has a passion for the archival process, so he went through college with the goal of someday becoming a historical archivist. this was a good idea in that he's good at that and a bad idea in that it left him with a bunch of debt he couldn't pay back. - while coming home the summer after college he got back in touch with giovanni, who was like 'oh hey you know you could come live with me and i won't charge rent AND i can pay off your college debt for you'. leporello was like 'oh that sounds great :)' only to realize once he moved in that Something Was Not Right About Giovanni Now, and that somehow in the six years they had fallen out of touch giovanni had become... not different but definitely lacking something. - (but at this point he'd already been roped into the abusive-friendship-slash-indentured-servitude deal and he couldn't imagine any other options. so.) - also he's autistic but you knew that already.

on elvira - elvira duparc actually grew up more near central illinois, which... for those unaware of the illinois Landscape once you get out of chicagoland it turns into 'corn and weird republican backwater towns' Fast. so she grew up in a small republican town - her family was one of the better-off there, and it was a town where everyone Knew each other. so like she was considered upper-class within the community but compared to the kind of money giovanni or even ottavio's families have it's not That much - giovanni ended up in the area while on a trip somewhere and you know how it ended up going. he neglected to tell elvira about his parents or anything so until she finds him again she has No idea his dad's a congressman - he essentially pulled a 'look at me i'm so helpless and lost all on my lonesome' sort of thing and elvira, who really is ultimately an 'i can fix him' person even if she would deny the charge, took him in. in some ways he was seemingly perfect bc he was just as catholic as her family but there was also a definite subconscious idea of Escape in that giovanni had traveled much more than she had and if she were to be his partner she'd likely go move in with him away from home - anyway he abandons her and the whole town immediately turns on her and she's gossiped about like she's the town's prime slut. so she buys a beat up volvo and gets out of dodge to go find giovanni and hold him accountable (or... fix him.) - also she's bisexual and has adhd but she doesn't know either of those things until After the plot of the opera. godbless.

on donna anna and don ottavio - anna ulloa and ottavio robinson are engaged but really they don't seem to be a good couple... anna is always rather closed off (Read: Closeted Lesbian Alert) while ottavio is. definitely says he loves anna and appears to be devoted to her but it's unclear how much he'd actually do for in a time of crisis. and Well - ottavio and giovanni were actually college buddies and their families know each other bc ottavio's dad is Also a congressman. ottavio claims he doesn't endorse any of giovanni's "tomfoolery" but at the same time his attitude about it is to essentially just ignore it. some suspect he secretly envies giovanni in some way and just never says anything about it. ottavio also seems to be trying to go into local office and work his way up to being a gov official on the same level of his old man. - actually ottavio's first Government Job was being an assistant for pedro ulloa, anna's dad, who's a county commissioner. which was how he and anna ended up meeting. - anna very much wants to hold office just like her dad. in fact she probably wants it even more than ottavio does. but she hasn't ever actually Ran for office yet and just busies herself with various government jobs. meanwhile ottavio is like, on a school board or something and is almost sort of indignant about it - anna is deep in denial about being a lesbian and tries to reason why her and ottavio are a Fine Couple Actually constantly. she's been asked on multiple occasions if she's aromantic and she's like NO... i'm just PRAGMATIC and TAKING IT SLOW that's all... but like. looks into camera We know what's going on. - (to be fair anna's parents were very distant with one another to the point you could claim Both of them were deep in some closet or another and just never fully figured it out. so anna doesn't have any baseline of what a relationship Should look like.) - (anna's dad was basically like... you know the dad from bambi? best possible comparison i can make.)

on zerlina and masetto - they're just some guys. literally - zerlina aminta and masetto batricio are two freshly-graduated-from-high-school sweethearts who are like, going into the local community college together or some shit. zerlina wants to be a schoolteacher but honestly she absolutely would teach children swears if she was able to so she's a long way from her goal. masetto... idk what masetto wants to become. a physical therapist maybe? - they haven't even voted for the first time yet so they don't actually know that much about anyone's Government Parents. like when giovanni's trying to butter up zerlina he's all like ...you know my dad could let you get anything... he's congressman tenorio... and she's like Who the fuck is that. which rubs giovanni more of a wrong way than he admits. - zerlina absolutely still reads warrior cats and could name nearly every major and minor character in my little pony: friendship is magic. note that neither of these passions are in a childish way but in a 'oh she is kind of unhinged godbless' way. - masetto is also autistic but in like the complete opposite direction of leporello. leporello is a chatty extrovert autistic who is so so desperate to please people and understand social skills. masetto is polite but beyond that he really cannot be bothered to give too much of a shit. - which means between masetto "will say the obvious thing everyone is thinking but doesn't want to say" and zerlina "has no filter and will give her honest opinion completely unprompted" they WILL collectively tear you a new one without even realizing what they're doing. leporello was around them for like 30 minutes tops and they somehow fully psychologically analyzed him and nearly drove him to tears without realizing it. (which is funny given he's like 10-11 years older than them.) - zerlina can and likes to drive like a maniac but she chooses not to most of the time <3 she wanted to be a monster truck driver when she grew up and honestly it's unknown if she ever actually gave up on that dream or not

on Other Stuff - i think giovanni dies by grease fire. he's overworked leporello to the point lep can't cook like usual, and once elvira gives her as-per-canon spiel abt him Stopping right the Fuck Now he's already got his mind off it. so when things erupt into flames he doesn't think and just shoves a whole pot of water onto it thinking That will Stop It (it didn't) - i'm not entirely sure the specifics of the statue here but i think leporello very clearly remembers that after they'd both been burned by the grease fire- leporello being in better condition than giovanni- giovanni started shrieking about pedro ulloa and "the man of stone" and started panicking about his last rites. the smoke had made leporello too woozy to see much but he does feel like Something Else Was There. who knows how much of it was real or how much of it was leporello's smoke-induced delusions - afterward when leporello was in the hospital over the whole thing giovanni's parents decided to give him the choice of either suing them or them just paying him enough money to clear both his medical bills and the leftover debt he already had so he can start anew. leporello is too tired to fight at this point so he just takes the money. he finds he has a bit left over and donates that away to women's shelters - the whole story is reported in the media as being that giovanni committed attempted assault and manslaughter, and then purposely killed himself over it with a grease fire when he realized the cops were closing in on him. the death report isn't exactly accurate but leporello doesn't know how to explain what he's seen so it just remains that way. giovanni's father resigns in disgrace a few months later because it led to the reveal of just How Many of his son's actions he was covering up. - leporello and elvira are friends of Course they are friends. she shaves off her hair and becomes a total biker butch and he ditches all the clothes giovanni got for him that he found So scratchy and uncomfortable. they both live in their own apartments now and both are visibly much happier for it - (although i do imagine the don's abuse and the nature of his death- he had a closed casket funeral, i'll say that- have left leporello with a case of ptsd) - about a year after everything goes down anna dumps ottavio and starts dating elvira like 2 weeks later LOLLLLLL... and another year on leporello finds his own partner that he loves and trusts. so. they're happy in the end even if the path there isn't smooth - you might also ask, 'wait if anna and ottavio both wanted to hold political office who got there first?' the answer is zerlina. she ran for school board and got in by sheer willpower alone like something out of looney tunes. it turns out she's way better at arguing about things than she is at actually teaching kids. GODBLESS!

[mixes-archive]

Junker Queen x Chubby Fem Reader Headcanons (SFW & NSFW)

Requested by: the head archivist, because there isn't anything out there with this prompt that I could find (a crime if you ask me) There is an indication where the NSFW starts :)

⁍ First of all, you cannot convince me that this woman wouldn't prefer to date a bigger girl

⁍ Chubbyness was literally seen as a sign of royalty and this woman still sticks to that belief (as she should)

⁍ Saw you walking down the street and went "Awooga das mine now" (of course, Odessa wouldn't actually just pluck you off the street (unless you wanted her to))

⁍ She'd try her best to somehow find a natural way to talk to you she knows, after all, how intimidating it could be for LITERAL ROYALTY to just show up and talk to you

⁍ Prays for you to show up in the arena some day. Not because she wants to beat you up, but just to find some common ground to talk

⁍ Yeah no way that's gonna happen

⁍ You'd probably meet in a pub you work at, being nothing short of honored to serve the Junker Queen herself

⁍ Finds your politeness incredibly entertaining and intentionally teases you to make you feel more comfortable (also pisses you off, but it worked ig?)

⁍ Calls you stupid nicknames all night and tries to make small talk

⁍ The night ends with her just blatantly saying she finds you hot and exchanging numbers

⁍ She invites you out on a date a few days later, and that's when you both really kick it off

⁍ Odessa is gonna be really touchy from the beginning, but also constantly asking if you're okay with it

"Hey can I hold your hand?"

"We literally violently made out twenty minutes ago"

"Yeah, but can I?"

⁍ So sweet with it too, like dhdhdjksjs

⁍ It's wild how this seven foot, muscular and intimidating woman walks next to you like a pathetic puppy /pos

⁍ Also carries you around a lot, simply because she can. Oh no, you wore heels that make your ass look great but feet hurt like a mf? "Piggyback ride or bridal style?"

⁍ Looks for any excuse to (gently) slap your ass. Bent over? Slap. Lying on your stomach? Slap. Literally just standing there? Guess what, slap. Just loves watching it jiggle ngl

⁍ Absolutely LOVES it when you wear clothes that show off your body in any way, whether that be stuff that shows your curves off a bit more or full on sky's out thighs out

⁍ Would actually melt if you wore something that matches her clothes

⁍ Stares at you so much that others start to think she's going to murder you (Dess is just admiring you)

⁍ Probably shows you off to the public a lot

⁍ Makes you a throne next to hers, but you'll rarely, if ever, use it since she just makes you sit on her lap (she calls that position the 'reverse pillow')

⁍ Would purposely bounce her leg just to watch your boobs bounce ( her favorite activity)

⁍ LOVES it when you sit in her lap and do her makeup. You could have literally done the worst job anyone could ever do, and she'd be "gosh babe that looks so good!" and walk around with it all day

⁍ Wears your clothes for funsies

⁍ Don't be surprised if she returns them with holes or burn marks

⁍ If that upset you for whatever reason, she be at your doorstep the next day with designer clothes she got from god knows where

⁍ When you're both in a different country that's cold asf, she will warm herself using your body. Hope you like ice cold hands :)

⁍ She lives your tibbies <3

⁍ Dess is constantly using you as a pillow and has fallen asleep in very uncomfortable positions on top of you

NSFW

⁍ Mommy dommy cannot convince me otherwise

⁍ Almost always cares about your pleasure more than she does hers, but she'll absolutely be more selfish if she's had a rough day

⁍ She is PACKING those tounge piercings if you know what I mean

⁍ Definitely has a thing for knifes ngl. If you're not comfortable with that, she'd use blunt or fake ones

⁍ Probably like half the fandom has agreed on this but THRONE SEX. Her favorite activity probably

⁍ Will occasionally sit you down on her throne, put her crown on your head and gobble up that kitty cat

⁍ This woman eats you out like it's her last meal on death row. Odessa could go on for hours if you let her

⁍ Million dollar pussay

⁍ Do you smell that? Yeah, that's a praise and mommy kink 2-in-1 deal.

⁍ Call her mommy and she'll go from fast and rough to cooing at you while significantly slowing down her speed, calling you baby and praising you even more than before

⁍ Absolutely loves suckling on your tits, will also use teeth if you let her

⁍ She isn't into public sex, but will finger you under a table full of important diplomats if you ask nicely

⁍ Loves to try new things and will gladly stop holding herself back if you ask her to. (don't blame her if you can't feel your legs after though)

⁍ If she's in one of her "I will eat you like a starved woman until you beg me to stop" phases, she doesn't even need any kind of stimulation to get off, literally cums in her pants multiple times just from getting you off

⁍ Please use her face as a throne, please, please, please

⁍ If you're hovering above her even just slightly, she will force you in onto her mouth, claiming that even if she did die, it must've meant she wasn't worthy enough

⁍ This woman doesn't even need a strap with how long her fingers are dear god

⁍ She'll make you sit on her thigh and tell you to grind yourself against her (just loves watching how your body moves tbh)

⁍ Wear lingerie and this woman will absolutely lose it. Will buy you sets that she thinks would look cute on you after that.

⁍ Aftercare is so sweet too <3

⁍ Prepares a bath for you and massages your sore muscles while praising you for how well you did

[docholligay]

There's no really a good spot within the scene to talk about it, so we're going to pull it out on its own: Noé keeps staring at the blood on Vanitas' arm, and I can't help but wonder if Ruthven DID something to him, or if this is just a function of his being an Archiviste and wanting to KNOW Vanitas, or ??? other.

The show wants us to notice it, in the midst of this story were have these quick, tight closeups, where every detail is quickly noted, and we go back to the exact same shots. So I'm not talking out my ass here, it's pretty obvious. But I'm wondering what it means, other than "Noé is having a bad time."

There's a second season of this, so I can't imagine this is where the promise in the beginning (That Noé has to kill vanitas) is fullfilled, but I AM WAITING.

I have never seen this show and know absolutely nothing about it! As that is the fun of having me liveblog this, please let it be fun for EVERYONE by not confirming denying, hinting, saying things like “oh just wait til episode x’, telling me about outside interviews, or anything that is cultural or historical that I’m not picking up on! PLEASE LET ME BE A STUPID PIECE OF SHIT

[lwfllygndrfld]

Robert Smirke was the og fearcule fanfic writer.

and as a little context treat, i'm including what sparked the above notion ( CREDIT TO @dead-in-the-bread for the lovely below writing :D )

The entity fearcule love each other a lot. They may not always show it; what with The Eye and The Dark never going a conversation without an argument, or The Web getting in the way of The Vast's bid for freedom, or heck- even when The Slaughter gets on The Hunt's nerves for ending things too quickly, but they love each other.

It’s fun, it’s nice, and honestly The Stranger wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s all of them or none of them. Always. So when they take notice that their avatars are starting to prepare for the ritual, it gets antsy. Most of the other rituals have already failed, and The Stranger can’t take the others with them in their own ritual. (That damn Archivist better hurry their ass up and get more markings)

So when the Ritual finally comes, it refuses. The Stranger can’t, no matter what happens. Sure, The Eye is pushing it off. Yes, The Spiral is getting on their nerves, and The Buried's anxiety is getting to them a little, but it’s fine! So what if it gave that human called Tim a little push into reality? The Beholding has a plan anyways, why not give it the Benefit of the doubt. (Even as its precious Archivist continues to piss then off) . After all, it’s all of them or none of them.

--------------------------------------------

The Dark didn’t much care for the truth. It wasn’t opposed to it, don’t get it wrong. It's not like The Stranger or The Spiral. One can still fear The Dark while knowing what’s inside of it.

It’s that lack of caring one way or the other that had gotten itself into this spat between its lovers though. The Eye, forever boring into The Dark and it staring back, was in a bit of a taff with The Spiral. Something about how it didn’t like the fact that it made it See a town that never existed. The Spiral is just upset that The Eye even bothered looking because in its own words, “One can’t see such a thing if they don’t go looking for it!” which The Dark found stupid personally. One can see many things without looking for it.

But it is because it is at an impass between the two that The Dark is forever stuck between their little spats. It sighed, at least the Archivist is approaching the star, that’ll be enough of a distraction for The Eye to stop this fight. For now at least. And when it appears again, The Darkness will be hiding.

--------------------------------------------

The Corruption… doesn’t know how it feels about most of its lovers.

It’s impassive about most of them, and doesn’t care for much. The Spiral is fun, and they have nice little flings when it comes to humans. And The Slaughter makes them want to jump someone when it kills off corruptions bugs. But The Dark and The Buried? Oh, it loves those two. Those are the only two that The Corruption doesn’t have mixed feelings about. The Buried houses it in a way one doesn’t expect. And it doesn’t mind the little bugs roaming around inside, they have fun, and when one comes in with The Dark, The Corruption is head over heels.

Being in The Dark about whether or not bugs are there is always something that makes corruption tingle. When ants burrow under the earth, into a home, it always creates such a good amount of fear to feed all three of them. Sure they’re both a bit oppressive, they both scrunch in and make you feel like everything is caving in, but it’s comforting. The Hunt doesn’t much care for it but The Corruption doesn’t care for what The Hunt has to say, not about this.

[shoggoth-the-bitch]

Remains to be Seen

"Remains" you say? Episode hasn't even started yet and I already know this is a pun. How dare you?!

Albrecht von Closen sounds familiar. I think that's the guy who wrote Jonah Magnus, begging him for help?

WAIT! Hold up! Intimacy and friendship?! Jonah, good for you but something tells me you lose a lot of boyfriends from your evil curiosities.

Respectable, my dude! I respect the fuck out of you refusing to fuel whatever this is further!

A tree? Like on Hilltop Road? So mayhaps the Web is involved?

My brain is short circuiting, WTF is going on anymore?

Oh, my man was an Archivist without knowing it...

"You do not understand..." Yeah, I understand not a damn thing right now. I may need to take a nap.

Oh hon, no! Don't take that damn book! You fool! Idiots, the both of you!

Jonah, you suck! The absolute worst?

Paper? Was it pap- OH GOD NO! onononononononononono!

I can't do eye things! I simply cannot!

What? Jon! Are you STUPID?! Are you a goddamn FOOL?! A MORON?!

Oh, yeah, that was weird. Uh, you're healing quicker than expected?

Wait! The bullet was from the Slaughter. Was that why she's been so aggressive for a WHILE now?

Um, I'm sorry. You were listening? JON! That's not normal hon! Stop it!

Not gonna lie, I hate the idea of just knowing what people think about me.

Dude, when did you become so in love with Martin? Like, I'm happy for you, to some extent but- what was that about his mom?

OH! Oh no! Martin, I'm so sorry but also she sounded like a bitch. I'm still so sorry!

"Sometimes I'm eating." Elias! Smart ass! I hate you but you're also kind of a delight.

Oh, right back to being a dickhead!

NO! Basira! Stop listening to this Prick! Goddammit!

[bananonbinary]

Time for a Salty Meta Post about Martin!

people who’ve followed this blog for a bit know that spending six hours combing through text for some goddamn sources is my specialty, so i compiled every time jon ever talked about martin’s work in season 1. which for the record, he stopped complaining about all the way back in episode 26, where he was angry that martin of all people got hurt.

things jon gets mad at martin for:

not being able to find records that don’t exist

not being able to find someone based only on a first name

the Dog

not wearing trousers in his off-hours

being the one that got caught up in the jane prentiss thing

mag 004 and mag 012 both have jon taking potshots at martin over research that was proven accurate by outside sources

things jon has never once complained about:

martin not understanding the filing system and just putting stuff away at random

martin being clumsy, constantly ruining things, spilling tea everywhere everyday, etc

martin turning in incompetent, poorly-edited, or badly formatted reports

martin not understanding the terminology used, skills expected, etc., and generally being extremely new to the field

please for the love of god stop making martin the silly bumbling idiot who can’t do anything right just because he doesn’t have a formal education. there’s zero evidence for it in the text, and it’s really weird to act like a 4 year degree would outweigh the *10 years* of job experience he has, not just in academia, but in the institute itself by season one. my boy has worked there longer than ANY of the rest of the main cast. screw you guys.

tl;dr: martin is never once shown to be bad at his job, jon pretty much only ever gets mad at him for the really stupid first impression and also not finding stuff that no one else was able to find either. after martin got hurt, jon talks about his research basically the same way he talks about tim’s or sasha’s work.

fucking proof under the cut:

(i didnt include the s1 finale or martin’s statement bc that’s just...two entire episodes of them talking to each other, but there isn’t really any notable Martin Complaints in either of them imo)

I swear, if he’s brought another dog in here, I’m going to peel him.

[pre-launch trailer]

.

Well, technically three, but I don’t count Martin as he’s unlikely to contribute anything but delays.

[...] Alongside this Tim, Sasha and, yes, I suppose, Martin will be doing some supplementary investigation to see what details may be missing from what we have.

[MAG001 Anglerfish]

.

Martin couldn’t find any records of Ex Altiora as a title in existent catalogues of esoteric or similar literature, so I assigned Sasha to double-check. Still nothing.

[MAG004 Pageturner]

.

I had Martin conduct a follow-up interview with Mr. Woodward last week, but it was unenlightening. Apparently there have been no further bags at number 93 and in the intervening years he has largely discounted many of the stranger aspects of his experience. I wasn’t expecting much, as time generally makes people inclined to forget what they would rather not believe, but at least it got Martin out of the Institute for an afternoon, which is always a welcome relief.

[MAG005 Thrown Away]

.

Martin was unable to find the exact date the original house was built but the earliest records he could find list it as being bought by Walter Fielding in 1891.

[...]

We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree.

[MAG008 Burned Out]

.

According to Martin, who was here when they took this statement, it was at this point in writing that Mr. Herbert announced he needed some sleep before continuing. He was shown to the break room where he went to sleep on the couch. He did not awaken; unfortunately succumbing to the lung cancer right there. Martin says the staff had been aware of how serious Mr. Herbert’s condition was, and had advised him to seek medical aid prior to giving his statement, but were told rather bluntly by the old man that he would not wait another second to state his case. I can’t decide whether this lends more or less credibility to his tale.

[MAG010 Vampire Killer]

.

“Veepalach” might also be a mishearing of the Polish word “wypalać”, according to Martin, which means to cauterize or brand. Admittedly, if Martin speaks Polish in the same way he “speaks Latin,” then he might be talking nonsense again, but I’ve looked it up and it appears to check out.

[MAG012 First Aid]

.

I sent Martin to look into this ‘Angela’ character - not that I want him to get chopped up, of course, but someone had to. Apparently, he spent three days looking into every woman named Angela in Bexley over the age of 50. He could not find anyone that matches the admittedly vague description given here, though he informs me that he had some very pleasant chats about jigsaws. Useless ass.

[MAG014 Piecemeal]

.

Martin declined to help with this investigation as he’s “a bit claustrophobic”

[MAG015 Lost John’s Cave]

.

There simply aren’t enough details given in this statement to actually investigate, short of Martin confirming that Mr. Vittery did indeed live at the addresses he provided.

[MAG016 Arachnophobia]

.

Oh, he’s off sick this week. Stomach problems, I think.

Blessed relief if you ask me.

[...]

I asked Martin to try and hunt down Mr. Adekoya himself for a follow-up, but have been informed that he passed away in 2006. 

[MAG017 The Boneturner’s Tale]

.

MARTIN

Well, I need to tell someone what happened, and you can vouch for the soundness of my mind, can’t you?

ARCHIVIST

…

That is beside the point.

[MAG022 Colony]

.

Martin! Good lord man, if you’re going to be staying in the Archives, at least have the decency to put some trousers on!

[MAG023 Schwartzwald]

.

Martin found one other thing while combing through police reports for the Hither Green area. About a month after this statement was given, on May 15th, 2015, police were called out to once again investigate the chapel.

[MAG025 Growing Dark]

.

I know, but it would have to have been Martin, wouldn’t it? I mean, anything goes wrong around here, it always seems to happen to him. Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Why didn’t you report this?

[MAG026 A Distortion]

.

Martin made contact with the son, Marcus McKenzie, but he declined to talk to us, saying that he’d “already made his statement.”

[MAG027 A Sturdy Lock]

.

Tim and Martin had a bit more luck investigating Tom Haan, though only really enough to confirm that he seems to have completely vanished following his departure from Aver Meats on the 12th of July.

[MAG030 Killing Floor]

.

Martin’s research would seem to indicate the place employed a reasonable number of international staff they preferred to keep off the books

[...]

TIM

Ah well, that’s actually what he was asking, huh! Um, apparently Martin, uh, took delivery of a couple of items last week addressed to you. Did he not mention it?

ARCHIVIST

No, he… Oh, yes, actually. I completely forgot. He said he put it in my desk drawer, hold on.

[MAG036 Taken Ill]

[voiceless-terror]

My Dearest

Characters: Jonathan Sims/Martin Blackwood

This takes place in the same universe as The Art of Conversation and What Makes a Home, but it’s not necessary to read these before- it works as a stand alone piece! :)

Summary:

“Pass me the towel, dear?”

“Ah y-yes, of course.”

Martin has a million pet names for Jon. Jon attempts to reciprocate.

“Morning, love.” 

It’s so easy for him. Just slips out, really. Jon doesn’t understand how he does this.

It happens with enough frequency that you’d think Jon would be used to it. The easy greetings in the morning, when he slips past him at work with a peck on the cheek, as they wash the dishes (as Martin washes the dishes). And yet each time he hears an endearment, he goes immediately warm all over. It’s embarrassing how flustered he gets.

“Pass me the towel, dear?”

“Ah y-yes, of course.”

Darling. Dearest. Hun. There’s a memorable ‘babe,’ somewhere in there. Jon has to leave the room after that incident, he swears he saw Martin smirking out of the corner of his eye. He thinks Martin has some sort of ulterior motive, enjoys watching him blush and stammer. 

‘Sweetheart’ makes him melt. It’s very strange, that one. He’s never been called a sweetheart in his life. Not by his grandmother, not by any partners. Perhaps his parents used it at some point, but it’s not something he would remember. He has no memory of his father, and only the passing recollection of a woman running her fingers through his hair. He thinks that’s his mother, but it might have just been a dream.

Sweetheart fills him with warmth. Jon can be nice, tender. Not with many people, but always with Martin. It didn’t start out that way, no. But Martin was able to peel back his layers and lower his defenses. He sees him and knows that Jon likes to see him smile and make him happy. He’s always wanted to please people. It’s just hard, sometimes.

Even the snarky ones are fond in their own way. Ass, he’ll mutter, whenever Jon slips into sarcasm. ‘Brat’ when he’s being contrary. That’s familiar ground- Georgie always used to do this, able to make the derogatory sound sweet. But sentimental? Never. 

Jon can’t get the words past his lips. He has to think about it, make a conscious effort. Is that strange? Is that normal? He doesn’t think so. Martin doesn’t seem to mind the lack of endearments, and he hopes the man would let him know if he did. He can’t manage snark just yet, it reminds him too much of the early days when Jon meant the words as an insult. Besides, he likes when Martin’s a bit snippy. There’s a lot of fire in him, and Jon’s attracted like a moth to the flame. 

But Martin deserves sweet words more than he does. He deserves Jon’s effort. So now he’s spiraling at his desk, agonizing over a list of ‘135 Adorable Nicknames for Your S.O.’ while he ignores the incessant emails from Elias.

The lists are very comprehensive, albeit annoyingly gendered. He’s not going to call Martin his ‘Baby Angel’ or his ‘’Honey Bunch.’ ‘Sweet pea’ is out of the question, he’s not an eighty-five year old grandmother from the American South. Martin’s taken all the good ones, he grouses. He doesn’t want to copy him, after all- he wants to be original. These are too original. And ridiculous.

Before he knows it, an entire afternoon’s passed and all he has is a scribbled, nonsensical list of ‘Under No Circumstances,’ ‘Tentative,’ and ‘Yes (?).’ Everything in the ‘Yes’ section has already been used by Martin- it’s safe ground, tried and true. He hopes Martin doesn’t mind.

That night Martin’s yawning, off to bed while Jon’s still reading in the living room, engrossed in some terrible crime novel. He gets his customary peck on the cheek and a ‘Come to bed soon, dear.’ He feels his face redden as per usual and thinks, now’s your chance.

“I will,” he pauses. It’s too long, Martin’s almost at the door when he finally tacks on the “love.” Why did you pause? Idiot, you sound so stupid-

But Martin goes still, standing in the dark doorway of the bedroom. He turns and Jon hazards a quick glance at his face- there’s a smile, he’s surprised. He doesn’t say anything but his gaze is enough to ignite a small burst of pride in Jon’s chest. Not too shabby, Sims!

He tries it again at dinner the next day. They’re talking about something inane like the weather; Jon hasn’t really been following, too consumed in mental preparation for his next attempt. So it’s inevitably awkward when Jon interrupts Martin in the middle of his sentence to ask for something he doesn’t even need.

“Can you pass me the salt-” Another pause. Why does he keep pausing? Just spit it out! “-dear?” Martin halts his speech, looking at him quizzically.

And then he snickers. 

Jon flushes, embarrassment flooding his every nerve. He goes instantly on the defensive, though Martin hasn’t said a word. “I-I’m trying!” he sputters, and it only serves to encourage Martin’s laughter. “It’s not as easy for me as it is for you, I’m not good at this- stop laughing!”

“I’m sorry!” Martin tries to stifle it and fails miserably. Jon feels terribly self-conscious. “It’s- you’re just so cute, that’s all. Absolutely adorable.”

Jon huffs, crossing his arms. “I am not.”

“You are,” Martin insists, his smile growing mischievous. Oh no. “My dear, sweet Jonathan!” 

It’s completely intolerable. “Okay, that’s enough-”

“Sunshine of my day-”

“Martin.”

“Archivist of my heart-”

“Martin.”

“My lovebug, my muffin, my little bean boy-”

“What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know!” Martin’s laughing in earnest and Jon can’t help but join him. “But you like it! Look, you’re smiling.”

“I am not,” Jon grumbled, lying. “I-I just want to be able to do the same for you.”

“And I very much appreciate the effort,” Martin assures him, taking his hand. “But you don’t have to, if it’s not comfortable. I don’t mind, I promise.” Jon sighs, trying to believe the words. It isn’t fair- he should be able to do this, he wants to do this.

“Besides, I, well-” Martin starts to fidget, looking suddenly nervous. “This is going to sound stupid. Don’t laugh.”

“You laughed at me.” A shorter pause. “Dear.”

“That time was better,” Martin replies distractedly. “I, um, like it when- when you just say my name?”

What? Jon says as much.

“It’s-It’s just nice, is all!” It’s Martin’s turn on the defensive as he starts to stammer. “The way you say it, I don’t know- it’s kind. It’s got...it’s got love in it.” He looks at his lap, his voice going soft. “I’m not used to that.” Oh.

Jon squeezes his hand. “Martin.”

Martin blushes, his eyes narrow. “Don’t start.”

“Mahhhh-tin.”

He let’s go of Jon’s hand to swat at his arm. “Stop that.”

“Martin Martin Martin Martin-”

“Okay, okay! You’ve made your point, I’ve taken my medicine.” He lifts his glasses, wiping a stray tear from the laughing fit earlier. “You’re terrible, you know.”

“Love you too.”

A pause.

“Do you, uh, still need the salt?”

“Oh.” Jon blinks, remembering the initial conversation. “Not at all.”

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27879494

Next in Series:

The Weight of Love

[myrfing]

zone 5. i've been put through the churner i am now butter. major msq spoilers below & sidequests in respective areas as well

z1 / z2 / z3 / z4 / z5 / z6

- otherwise known as "pipis room"

- oh my "elidibus will become a small white dog" theory got smashed. well it is better than being trapped in the rave tower and really that is kinda just that for him which is fine

- HYTHLODAEUS MOTHER OF ALL VIERAS

- hades you look busted as hell that's what you get for being a conservative

- IM BEING PICKED ON BY LONGMEN BRO

- also me going like "oh yeah my azem does not have to look like gourd" -> them immediately busting it. though I did design gourdteenth to share a lot of facial features so it's whatever

- oh my god the pipis room looks like what I imagine the amaurotine egg hatching room to be like. LMFAO. OKAY. WELL I GUESS

- HI DAELYN aka venat. hey girl

- omfg stupid little amaurotine gourd

- fartdaniel you made an autistic bird child. okay

- and you made her an empath yep shes that girl going nuts i heard when zodiark died huh

- BEAST? good god when that gourd beast hits

- girl I can make you an apple. just give me a moment

- aw hermes. you were such a gentle dude. too bad you are just too afraid of death

- UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOW I HAVE TO WRITE AROUND AZEM GIVING HADES A MF RECOMMENDATION i mean it's not impossible im just already reaching cus i dont care about this man

- gourd's stupid hips give him an ass in the robe that the others do not have as elezen bases it is sickening

- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE AMAUROT FATAL FLAW MATCHES MY THING

- bro hermes my azem and aletheia were definitely fucking up flowers making them all nasty and yucky disgusting for similar reasons you guys should have met

- IM SICKKK

- THE RONKA WORM?

- THEY'RE STILL NOT EXPLAINING THE BEAVERS...

- THAT FUCKING ENTRANCE VENAT ARE YOU KIDDING MEEEE I LOVE YOU

- he looks so annoyed at hades butting in LMFAOOO my 1 in character moment *clutches*

- corn

- oh yeah you were insane and depressed and heavy with guilt btw hades. there's this thing called "mental illness" and your acquaintance hermes is exhibiting it also

- i mean thats what I told the people on the twitter emet selt

- this whole time im living in fear they'll show me a hyurlezenified peeled gourdteenth

- she does the wol hand fist im so. you're everything

- [archivist voice] shouldnt you be ummmm dead venat. Just saying

- the fact we get to tell her the world is beautiful. GODDD THIS IS ALL I WANTED

- im gona fucking cry they are so important to me

- THAT DUELLL SHE'S SO COOL osrry im insane.

- i admit being a little hurt when argos did not like me immediately HOWEVER..i hope we get him as a mount one day. also he wiggled for me

- @ the priggish taxonomist you are goingto name it cactuar right. you are calling it a cactuar yes

- oooh that's my first time catching a typo in this game. "I will see this creatures" in the flight of the charybdis sidequest

- also im...shocked that the...dynamis dice.

- oh hey! "it's all wrong" <- definitely overthinking this

- oh man meteion's descriptions of the other planets...one must be the one omega's from. and they are all very lonely

- WHY IS SHE THE CHARACTER OF MY DREAMS RE: AMAUROTJUST MAKING EVERYTHING COME TRUE. i glug

- sorry you are way too sexy with a sword and shield for me NOT to make you tank *kicks emet selt off* also selch as anything but a blm seems wrong which im assuming he is

- bard hythlo...cute

- i dc'd mid dungeon head in hands Please their dps is so low

- No My Power "😔". sorry hermbies

- it's okay hermy it's terrible to say this but because of you I have my world. also emet selch what mf legacy. ALSO WHY DIDNT YOU TWO JUMP WITH US? LMFAO?

- also the implications from sidequests and notes and stuff that the tribes people are like.....made...by the ancients....while the playable races are just the ancients kind of abysmal not gonna lie I hope I am wrong

- mitron sending his mf students to get flowers for his date? god was he always a weirdo then

- oh my fucking god. venat. my love.

- also in retrospect. hermes being like I can transform to help & e-s being like Um no that's embarrassing and weird. and he's like ok. i guess & then later he's like ahhh this is so sad *transforms before anyone can say anything*

- honestly. gourd would not escape the planet for myriad reasons but one of them being he does wish to die under the same sky that the spires did. and also it's the world venat loves so much

- CID TIME? PERHAPS?

- also neglected to mention since I was wondering if i should split the post here but graha really is shining this expac that's my boy...i cant believe he got that sequence though LMFAOO he and alisaie bffs

- also you sharlayans totally fucking plan to exclude the tribes dont you

- sicard is so fucking funyn he's just this random pirate guy everyone let into the room

- them saying "oh I bet this task would be boring for you" I DID ALL THE SIDEQUESTS ALL OF THEM WHAT DO YOU MEAN I LOVE THIS SHIT and I can teleport into the coils and grab it in like a day. come on <- wants to be alone

- s-...seiryu..?

- i know this is supposed to mirror the talos arc but honestly I'm not super enthused about the ark. i live in a world with elongated musks man

- being given actual allotted time to do sidequests is sweet though

- i'm out of image slots on this post but Silken Grin is one of the cutest femroe npcs ive seen

- aw I was hoping I'd get to drag around 4 loporrits and 1 urianger

- bro do NOT learn about the culinary arts from SHARLAYAN

- oh. wow that hit me for some reason urianger & moen's parents. ouugh...seeing her hug him and be glad he's here. im happy for you gentle elf man

- "You can live here your whole life and hardly learn a thing" MANN ew is so good. so good

- erenville you hansome little man OH MY GOD ALPHA AND OMEGA? and ohhh graha is so happy to see NOAH again

- GRHA LMFAOO THANK YOU FOR CUTTING IT SHORT. sorry i just. good for the twins I guess i just do not care

[hairasuntouchedaspartoftheamazon]

As I posted previously, I did in fact finish the magnus archives for the first time last night. as I know no one in real life to blab about this too all the fuckers on tumblr who see my blog will now be subjected to my analysis. Cool? Cool.

Points Of interest in no particular Order as Follows:

1. Okay so i did find out about this from Tumblr, and assumed that something so widely loved on this hellsite would be at least a bit shit. I was proven wrong this is actually like really good. It’s an extremely well done tragedy with complicated wordbuilding ideas that never comes back to bite itself in the ass which is a FEAT. It’s genuinely really good when I seriously listen to it.

The tragedy of it all! Literally the exact way the end went down was always going to happen from the start. Sasha was dead from the beginning. Tim was dead from the beginning (even though we don’t know this until season 3). Character determines fate and that was so fucking well utilized here

A really nice example of in-out-in story structure? No idea what the proper name for it is but basically it started at one very small point, expanded outward like crazy until about midway through season 3, and then shrunk down again. Even the travel reflects this, the first two seasons remain very centered on the Archives and then later there’s more outsiders coming in and people go places and then they literally blow up a building, and then it all shrinks down again to a handful of locations and people. Which from a technical standpoint is a JOY to see just because it was done so well.

How to put this.....the ones who survived to the end did so because they made that choice to. Like it wasn’t a surprise that Basira was going to survive, she literally talked and walked herself out of the Unknowing, she got more information in sensible ways she made an effort to be better. Melanie kept making the choice over and over again to get help, to get out, to fight this thing and she succeeded. Georgie kept making the choice to stay as uninvolved as possible, she made the choice to stay safe on the periphery and didn’t back down from that choice. The ones who didn’t survive are the ones who let themselves get swept away by the narrative, who made their own choices, yes, but only because they felt like they had no other options. Daisy chose over and over again to hurt people and ultimately join the Hunt because she wanted to protect people/protect Basira, and she couldn’t conceive of another way to do it. Jon kept choosing over and over again to know more to go after more because he thought it would help him protect people, because he thought that he had no other choice, but really it just brought the bad stuff to them faster;he wrote out his own doom because he decided from the beginning that he was going to die for this.

Jon Archivist is a pussy. I mean that in a derogatory way and No i will not be accepting commentary on that fact. Only moments where I had any respect for him whatsoever as follows:

“It is remarkably easy to buy an axe in Central London.” That is direct action baby and he was very stupid about it but i respect the axe choice there.

Freeing Gerry. Speaks for itself.

Jumping into the Lonely after Martin. There was literally no hesitation there and while I do have opinions about their relationship, this was another ‘oh shit he actually did the thing’ moment.

Killing the Not-Sasha. Like yes a selfish revenge thing but i personally like selfish revenge and thought there should have been more of it. He should have killed Simon Fairchild. If Martin asked me to kill Simon Fairchild I would have done it no hesitation, just saying.

Getting Martin to Kill Him. Fuck him for making me and Martin cry but you know what that took fucking guts even if it was because he made a supremely bad decision like ten minutes previously.

The narrative really just felt like this force that was such an important part of keeping the story going. Like the story was part of the story, the fact that it was happening contributed to the actions of the characters.

The fact that the tapes worked not because of some weird ‘magic and tech don’t mix well’ thing but literally because the Web wanted them to work and this was a recording method that they could use to weave a web THE FUCK THAT’S SO FUCKING CLEVER. The physicality and practicality of that.

We never got an explanation where the fuck Gertrude Robinson came from but you know what i prefer it that way.

Georgie and Melanie is 1) important to me personally. 2) A really nice way of contrasting the ideas of choice in the final season. You get so swept up in the ‘Kill Jonah’ plan and that drama until you realize that Georgie and Melanie made a different choice and that choice was to survive and it’s working for them. Theoretically they could have kept saving people and giving them at least a respite from the fearscape functionally forever which is just like a really good example of interim solutions. I like that. It wasn’t all or nothing, save no one or everyone, sometimes you can just save someone. And they took trips to visit a murderous cat. Ideal date ideas.

Martin Blackwood my love. He’s my husband, he’s a bitch and I love him so much.

The weight that was placed on Basira’s need for self-reflection? That is also so important to me, like she not only had to make the choice to do better but she had to work towards it and genuinely think about how she was going to do it. Like Daisy took a step towards that work but ultimately wasn’t able to because of circumstance/her compulsive need to protect Basira so it was just interesting to see the same path end two different ways, and the successful end happen because of actual self-reflection.

None of them were actually friends. This will haunt/impress me until my dying fucking day none of them were friends! They just got swept into weird situations together and made choice for each other’s safety but they only somewhat liked each other, knew almost nothing about each other, and weren’t friends! It’s so messy! Like we know almost nothing about Georgie aside from her fearlessness because she exists on the periphery! Melanie and Martin never really met until season five! No one introduced after season 1 ever met the real Sasha! Everyone who ever met Jon thought he was a prick and they’re right but now he’s suddenly a demigod, how the fuck are you supposed to react when the weird guy you kind of know from work becomes a demigod, how are you supposed to react in that situation? THEY DIDN’T LIKE EACH OTHER. All the positive relationships happen off-tape! Sasha and Tim(and presumably Martin?) were friends; Georgie and Melanie get together, all of that is when they were uninfluenced by the narrative none of the main characters were friends! Like they were almost there, if shit hadn’t gone down maybe they would have been friends but things happened the way they did and they weren’t friends. They saved the world together and weren’t friends.

The fact that Sasha has been gone since the season 1 finale and yet she’s still a presence? She fucking haunts this narrative but not as a fridged character, as the first tragedy. Literally the first thing Jon says as he’s killing Jonah is “That’s for Sasha”. Like!!! I think that’s more for the combination of who she was as a person + what she represents in the narrative but still. They don’t forget about her and that’s so important.

My opinion on the Jon/Martin is thus: Peter Lukas was right they are literally clinging a bit to what they think the other is. I do not deny that they’re in love i just think it’s for circumstantial reasons(something the canon supports me in! hello mag 199). Like ugggg. Jon clings to Martin because to him Martin represents the good stuff about people, about the world, Martin’s his fucking anchor(I will die on the hill that Martin’s presence is what got Jon and Daisy out of the Buried, fight me on this). All well and good but how much do you know about him as a person? So much of his feelings towards Martin were developed in season 4 when the man just wasn’t there so like.....Jon you love an idea. And Martin honey you are not exempt i do not know WHAT you see in this fuckweasel of a man you are clinging to him because you want to believe that there’s a chance in all the shit that things will be okay. In his mind, if Jon’s still human after all this shit, there’s hope in the world. Also he do be desperate to not be alone. other than that i do not understand what he sees in that man i may be biased but still. I’m right. That said I did cry. Fucking suicide pact i hate you losers

We spend so long wanting more information about these names that are on the periphery: Gerry, Adelarde, Leitner, etc. and every time it’s underwhelming(on purpose) because the point is not the knowing its the ‘what are you going to do with this information’ and they never know what to do with this information. Like Gerry isn’t some super important ritual stopping machine, he’s a goth weirdo who didn’t like his mom(valid, because his mom was Mary Keay) but felt he was in too deep to get out. Like by the time we get to the point of knowing things about these people, the information is slightly useless. Filling in blanks that didn’t need to be filled. I LOVED THAT because it really underscores the weakness of the Eye-knowledge is not understanding.

I could go on probably a lot longer but i should be doing homework. Please lose your minds with me, someone.

[captaincravatthecapricious]

Black Eye- Prompt Fill

Three times Jon gives himself a black eye.

Cw alcohol, minor injuries, mentions of misgendering

@thevengefulhufflepuff​

I have one more bingo fic left to post, and after that I am doing the "things you said" prompt list, so if there is something you want written for Jon or Martin or Tim, please please please send me a prompt because I need at least one by Friday, because that be writing day!  Card by the wonderful @celosiaa​

Jon is nine years old.  Jon is nine years old and he’s given himself a black eye.  

He doesn’t want to go home to his grandmother.  

Technically it had been her fault anyhow.  If she’d gotten him a book of activities for Boys instead of one for Girls, it probably would have better explained how to make a sling shot… and how to avoid punching yourself in the face while trying to use it.  

But no.  He has a book of activities for Girls.  It has about seven different ways to braid your hair, and how to sew (which Jon does find useful so his grandmother won’t scold him for tearing his clothes), how to make dolls out of yarn, a handful of useless ways to use a bandana, a dozen crafts with doilies, and so on.  Useless.  

It wouldn’t help him protect himself, which clearly he Needs to protect himself after….  After That.  Not to mention, he isn’t a girl, no matter what his Grandmother and teachers keep trying to tell him.  

He thinks it’s the hair.  If he could cut it maybe they would start getting it right.  Grandmother probably wouldn’t mind, it would make him easier to deal with.  No stray hairs on everything, no urging him to brush it, no forcibly making him get it out of his face.  

Still.  He doesn’t want his grandmother to see his black eye, because that will mean scolding him for fighting, which he wasn’t, and getting told it isn’t ladylike.  He isn’t a lady.  

Still.  He can’t exactly wander as far as he used to.  He knows his Grandmother will be no help at all with the Things he knows are out there now, but the illusion of safety is better than nothing.  

He doesn’t try to cover it with makeup.  He’s seen characters do that in books and in movies and it never works.  So why bother?  (Not to mention he doesn’t want to touch his eye.  He’d been so afraid that he’d broken his glasses.  He wouldn’t be able to explain that, and then his grandmother would have to pay for another pair and the thought of her spending more money on him makes his stomach twist with guilt.  But his overlarge glasses that earned him many ridicules slipped down his face before he’d punched himself.  (For a moment he’d worried he’d popped his eyeball, before remembering that eyes don’t pop like squished grapes… or at least not as easily as most people thought.  There were tougher parts of the eye not to mention he could still see through it, and open it (mostly) and there wasn’t any blood or virtuous humor leaking out of him, so it was probably fine… or so he’d thought until he caught his reflection in a window and seen the darkening contusion.)  He’d rather get the yelling over with.  So he calmly washes up before supper and sits at the table.  

“Have you been fighting?”  She looks over the table at him with cold disapproval.  

“No.”  Jon stays calm.  He is practically an adult.  He can have a discussion as such.  

“Then, how did this happen?”

“I made a slingshot and was practicing my aim in the yard, and I hit myself in the face.”  

She studies in, trying to gauge if he’s lying.  

The yelling never comes, so he guesses she believes him.  But he does get the lecture on ladylike behavior.  

That night he cuts his hair short with scissors.  It effectively distracts his grandmother and his teachers from his black eye.  

Jon is freshly appointed as head Archivist.  Already piled down with paperwork, struggling with the keys to his office.  Cursing as several papers escape his pile and drift to the floor.  He can hardly see over the stack he’s carrying, and he’s afraid some of the files will fall instead of the loose papers on top.  Mostly his notes and instructions and to-do lists.  He wants to cry.  Barely a week in and he’s already in over his head.  

Why did He get this job?  Why not Sasha?  

There is already an aching chasm between him and the people that have been his friends, and he’s carved out a rift between himself and Martin.  And what for?  

He can’t do this on his own.  

He can’t even do it, period.  

Can’t even open his office door.  

No.  No.  He isn’t going to cry in the hallway.  

His key is in the lock now, but he can’t turn it.  Can’t even manage to turn it half the time when he can see the lock and isn’t carrying things.  

“Heya Boss!”

Jon jumps, just as the door unsticks.  

His files tumble to the ground, his glasses slide off his face, and the door smacks him in the eye.  

“FUCK.”  Jon is knocked on his ass.  

Tim snickers, because of Course Tim came along just in time to startle him.  

Jon stifles a sob.  “Go away, Tim.”  If he isn’t going to help, and evidence from the last week points to Tim not helping, he can leave Jon to his stress and exhaustion and bruising eye.  

Something in Jon’s tone must give him away, because it shuts Tim up, and he kneeling by his side, prying his hands away from his face, and giving a low whistle at the rapidly forming bruise.  

“Shit Jon, do… do you need some ice?  Do you want a hand with… Jesus, Jon how did you even carry all this?”

Jon curls away from him.  “Not like you were helping.”  Petulant like a child.  Christ, what happened since his childhood, he had been irritating and rude, sure, but much less needy… right?  Surely his nine-year-old self wouldn’t have been near tears in the hall because his friend might hate him.  Stupid and sensitive.  When did he start needing people?  He’d been fine alone.  Always fine.  And no one got hurt when there was no one to hurt.  

“I’m fine.”  Probably would be more convincing if he weren’t curled up like a frightened child.  

“Sure.  How about we get you to the breakroom, and you can have a sit-down on the couch with some ice on that eye of yours, and I clean up this mess, okay?”

Jon doesn’t have it in him to say no.  Because that sounds very, very nice.  

Jon nods off there and wakes to find significantly less work than he had before, and all the files reassembled and organized.  

It’s New Years, and Jon is struggling with a bottle of champagne.  

He’s never really opened a bottle before.  He’s not have champagne that often, in all fairness.  A couple of office parties that were terrible and the drinks were cheap, despite the dress code.  And there was the time Georgie bought them a bottle.  But Georgie had opened it with a satisfying pop and it had tasted strange to him, but it had also tasted like happiness and contentment and safety.  

Jon can’t get the foil off, and Tim is laughing at him.  

Sasha is trying to help him, but she’s laughing too hard to get a word out, let alone stand up.  

Jon is faking a pout, and fighting actual irritation, and trying to bite down his pride and ask Martin for help.  

He gets the foil off, but can’t get a grip on the cork.  

Tim is giggling something about his little noodle arms, which Sasha smacks him lightly and tells him to be nice about, but they are both laughing harder now, and it’s… all so Good.  In a way that Jon hadn’t thought possible.  

Or it Was good until the cork slips out of his hands as he finally pulls it free and it hits him in the eye.   Again, knocking his glasses sideways (but thankfully not breaking them).  

He stands there startled, only a little champagne spilling.  

“Oh shit, Jon!”  Sasha takes the bottle from him.  

Martin comes running.  “Jon!  What happened?”

Jon is still processing what happened.  

Tim is still laughing so hard he’s crying.  

“Fine, Martin, just got punched by the champagne.”  It honestly doesn’t hurt (especially not after everything else he’s been through), but Jon is very aware that it is likely bruising before their eyes.  Damn his EDS.  

“Ice!  You need some ice!”  Martin already reaching for one of their Many ice packs.  

“Really, Martin, doesn’t even hurt!”  He appreciates the care, it feels good to know that people are looking out for him… even Tim who still has tears of laughter streaming down his face.  

“BOSS, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT IN A FISTFIGHTTTTT REMEMBER WHEN YOU WALKED INTO THAT DOOR.”

Jon hmms in his driest academic voice, “I seem to recall that was your fault.”  

“I REMEMBER THAT, JON WOULDN’T TELL US WHAT HAPPENED!”  Sasha’s laughing again now too.  

Jon is biting back a smile.  He’s glad he has them back.  

“You sure you’re alright?”  Martin examines his eye, before handing over the ice, and leading Jon to a seat, with a kiss.  

“Perfect.  Promise.  …Although I wouldn’t say no to some of that champagne.”