#oh anon I made a tags post about that TikTok because I didn’t want to accidentally make a big callout post

[londonfoginacup]

.

[duuhrayliegh]

my hero - request

request: anon: hi could you write a sebastian x female reader fic where she suffers from anxiety and feels bad because of it but he comforts her and tells her there’s nothing wrong with her and how strong she is even though she has this disorder

pairing: sebastian stan x female!reader

warnings: self-esteem issues, anxiety, toxicity in the fandom, language?

a/n: hey nona! you weren’t super specific on what type of anxiety that you wanted to reader to have, so if this isn’t what you had in mind, lmk and i’ll write you another fic! other than that i hope you like it!

p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open!!

xoxo ray

check out my m.list

You and Seb met at a coffee shop in New York. It was totally cliche and seemed straight out of a storybook. You had somehow managed to spill coffee on that specimen of a man, and he was kind enough to let you pay for his dry cleaning. Your relationship didn’t grow until you ran into him again while you were at a bar with your friends. If he had any say in telling the story of how you met, he spotted you from across the smoky bar and he knew then and there that he had to get to know you. Truthfully, you liked his version, but the real one was just indescribable. It seemed, to you at least, that you were destined to be with this man. Seeing him twice in one week? Come on, that’s possible if you were in the small town you grew up in, but not New York.

You obviously had recognized him as an actor, but really you didn’t care. That’s what drew Sebastian to you in the first place. You treated him as if he was any other guy on the street, he was able to be a normal person around you. Now, two years later, you lounge on the couch of your apartment in LA that you shared with the man you love. He’s still auditioning for any role that catches his eye and you’re supporting him no matter what.

His fans for the most part adored you and your relationship with Sebastian. The fans who didn’t like you were your only issue with this whole affair, but they had nothing to do with Sebastian other than flood his socials with nasty messages about you. You weren’t perfect, that you knew all too well, and you tried to let the comments roll off your shoulders. Most of the time you were successful in your efforts, but other times they clung to your skin like an unwanted disease.

Sebastian was currently promoting his new project Endings, Beginnings. You were so unbelievably proud of Seb, he was doing something that made him happy. In this particular film, he was acting alongside Shailene Woodley, who was just amazing. Seb always came home gushing about the new inside jokes that they had come up with. One of your favorite things that Seb did with you was run lines. You liked having the inside scoop on his new works, but this one was harder for you. It had quite a few sex scenes between Seb’s character Frank and Shailene’s Daphne.

Not that it bothered you. Nope. Didn’t bother you. At all.

...mmm, okay maybe it bugged you a little. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Sebastian, it was… well you couldn’t really describe what it was. Whatever the case may be, it was putting you deeper and deeper into a funk, one that you were having a hard time coming out of. And Seb’s fans who weren’t in your corner, weren’t really helping you any.

A few nights ago, Seb surprised you with a casual night out in LA. He texted you before he got home and told you that he was going to be taking you out. Did he give you a dress code for the evening? No, he did not (wonderful, thanks so much Seb). You decided to dress in a half business casual, half rail me when we get home outfit. You ended up wearing an adorable bustier top that was embroidered with pretty blue and pink flowers, a pair of destroyed jeans covered your legs. You finished it off with a pair of nude heels, when you looked in the mirror, you thought you looked hot as fuck. It was around seven when Seb picked you up, mouth hanging open, in awe of your outfit.

“Oh my god. You look so beautiful, Y/N.” He opened the passenger door of his car after he hugged you, giving you a small peck on the lips. Sebastian drove you to a restaurant a block off of Thai Town called Home Restaurant.

“Babe, this place is so cute!” You squeezed Sebastian’s upper arm, jumping up and down beside him. “How’d you find this place?” Sebastian shook his head, smiling at you.

“I asked Shai, actually.” He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, and your heart sank a little. Why did it do that? “She said that the paps hardly ever come around here.” He leaned down pressing a kiss to your temple. “I thought that draga mea deserved a quiet night out on the town.” His voice rasped as he spoke in his native tongue, making a shiver race down your spine.

“Well, tell her I said thank you.” You offered him a small smile. He wrapped his arm around your waist, drawing circles on the exposed skin above your jeans. He spoke with the hostess as your mind drifted away. You were pulled out of your thoughts when he guided you to your table. Sebastian sat across from you, staring deeply into your eyes. You brought your hand up to rest your chin on it, staring back at him. “How’s everything been going?” You were genuinely interested in the answer and it made your heart warm watching his face light up.

“It’s been going really well. Everyone we worked with was real nice, it made all the scenes more comfortable.” Seb’s eyebrows rose at the mention of the scenes and you knew which ones he was referring to.

“Oh, right.” You tried not to let your emotions show.

“Yeah, we’re about to start teasing some of them to promote the show.” Seb sighed at the thought of having to use social media, you shook your head at him.

“I’ll help you with it, you dork.” You laughed to hide your discomfort. “Which scene did they approve for the posts?” Sebastian began to speak when he was interrupted by your waitress. After the two of you ordered your food, the waitress returned with your drinks. Sebastian took a large gulp of his before answering your previous question.

“They want me to post the trailer and then the scene between Frank and Daphne at the bar.” You tried to think back to the script, remembering the context. Frank and Daphne were meeting after Daphne had gone out on a date with Jack. Daphne was claiming that she didn’t want to be a wedge in their friendship, then proceeded to make out with Frank. If you were recalling correctly, Frank and Daphne’s first sex scene followed soon after.

“Okay, we can do that. Do you have any behind the scene pictures you wanna post too?” Seb got out his phone, scrolling through his camera roll to see. He had several different photos of him with Jamie and then him with Shailene. He showed you his phone on a picture of Shailene leaned against him on a couch, her arm over his waist. A red filter colored the photo, you had to hand it to him, it was a good one to use. “We can post it whenever we get home, love.” Sebastian locked his phone and shoved it in his pocket, to focus solely on you.

“How has your day been, draga mea?” You bit your lip as you thought about what you’ve been doing. You’ve been working towards your Master’s, so your days have been filled with preparing for your dissertation. On top of that, you’ve become a bit of an influencer on different social media platforms. Really, you believe your popularity came from your relationship with Sebastian. You’ve been giving his fans the content that they’ve always wanted. Not only that, but you’re active with them.

“My day was good today. I had to edit a few papers from my other classmates but other than that I didn’t do much. I did make a few TikTok videos, but really today was a bit of a lounge day for me.” Seb smiled at you, proud of how hard you’ve been working.

“I should be getting a few days off soon, so we can relax together in the apartment, if you aren’t too busy with your classes.” He stretched his arm across the table, palm up waiting for your hand. Seb pulled your hand up to his mouth, placing a sloppy kiss onto the back of it. His eyes settled on you lovingly. To Sebastian, you were the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.

The two of you managed to finish your meal in peace. No fans came up to Sebastian asking for photos, no paparazzi swarms when you left, just a quiet meal for a normal couple in love. After you got home and you were snuggled in your pajamas alongside Sebastian in your comfortable bed, he handed you his phone to read over his post for his Instagram. The paragraph was sappy, about his time working with Drake, the director, and working with the rest of the cast. Seb always was a softy, never was able to hide it, especially in promo posts.

“It looks good to me. Are you going to post it now? Or wait until tomorrow morning?” Seb debated, he probably should wait and do it tomorrow, but he was most likely going to forget to do it. He clicked post, putting his phone on charge and snuggling into you.

“Thank you for always being there for me, Y/N.” He kissed your jawline, nuzzling his face into your neck. “It really means a lot to me, baby. I love you so much.” He wrapped both hands around your waist, pulling you to his front. You smiled wide, momentarily forgetting all of your troubles.

“I love you too, Seb.” You turned your head slightly, pressing a kiss against the corner of his mouth. “Now let’s get some sleep, love.” Little did you know that a single post could ruin all of the progress that you thought you had made.

*********************

You woke the next morning, alone in bed. You could hear pots clanging in the kitchen of your home, bringing a smile to your face. Before you left the safety of your bed, you checked your socials out of habit. You opened Instagram first, seeing an absurd amount of notifications this early in the morning. Your smile dropped as soon as you opened the first post. Comments on Sebastian’s post about Endings, Beginnings and his chemistry with Shailene weren’t entirely out of the ordinary. They were to be expected, they were playing parts in a love triangle. People were ‘shipping’ Shailene with Seb and Jamie, so that wasn’t too crazy.

What hurt you were the comments saying, “living for shailene and sebastian! she’s a much better match for him than y/n.”

“never thought that y/n girl was going to last, glad he’s going w shailene”

“shailene and seb supremacy”

“yes! i’ve always supported seb in everything he’s done, but i rlly questioned him when he got w that y/n girl. what was he thinking?!”

Tears gathered in your eyes as you continued scrolling. You never thought you and Sebastian never fit. You knew that people had issues with your relationship, but you never let it get in your head this bad. You checked your explore page, pictures of you and Sebastian from last night were riddling the page.

Your heart dropped.

There were pictures of the two of you from last night with parts of your body circled. The exposed skin above your waistband, the excess skin on your neck and arms. You don’t know where they got these pictures, but your stomach was steadily sinking with each picture you saw. The door of your room opened, revealing a smiley Sebastian with a plate full of eggs in one hand and a cup of orange juice in the other.

“Good morning, baby.” You quickly shoved your phone away from you, wiping your tears away from your eyes to meet his. His brows furrowed immediately. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” You snuffled quietly, before answering.

“Uh, nothing. I’m just so proud of you.” You smiled at him, not wanting to bring down his already happy mood with your problems. Was that entirely healthy? Probably not, but you were doing it anyway, consequences be damned.

“Oh, well you don’t have to cry for me, Y/N. Even if you’re proud.” He walked up to your side of the bed, placing the cup and plate on your nightstand. He brought his hand up to your cheeks, wiping away your tear streaks. “You know that I only like to see tears whenever it’s me causing you so much pleasure you beg me to stop.” He winked at you, smirking at your rising blush. To say that didn’t lift your spirits for about half a second would be a lie. Sebastian brought the plate to your lap, waiting for you to start eating. At this particular moment, after seeing all those horrible pictures of your body, your appetite had gone out the window, but he was so smiley.

“After you eat, I want ya to shower.” Sebastian’s hand came up to your jaw, cupping it as you used it to chew the eggs. “We’ve got a long day of lounging and enjoying each other's company ahead of us.” Sebastian stood from the bed, throwing a wink at you as he left the room dramatically. You stopped eating soon after he left, the food tasting like ash on your tongue. At some point, you got into the bathroom, staring at the reflection in the mirror.

Your phone was in your hand again. The pictures flooding your Twitter feed. Shaky breaths left your mouth as you watched your reflection tilt its head. Tears began gathering in your eyes as it felt like you weren’t in your own skin anymore. You had worked so hard to be comfortable in your own body.

It’s amazing how just one picture can ruin everything.

You leaned forward on the countertop, hands holding up your weight. You shifted towards the mirror, examining every miniscule detail that your eyes could see. Your lids came down quickly, tears dragging down your cheeks. You squeezed your eyes closed, shaking your head back and forth.

“You are not going to let this get to you.” You took a few deep breaths as you turned on the shower. Not wanting to be around the mirror anymore, you kept your bath short, talking to yourself the whole time. By the time you left the bathroom, it was steamed completely, you couldn’t see your reflection even if you wanted to.

“He loves you.” You had a mantra and you continued to repeat it as you walked into your shared closet. “He loves all of you.” You pulled one of his old t-shirts off a hanger. “Sebastian loves you.” A pair of your underwear and his loose boxers covered your lower half. “Sebastian loves all of you.” You shoved your feet into a pair of fuzzy pink socks, leaving the closet still muttering to yourself. You tucked your phone into your waistband after checking your socials again. You know you shouldn’t have, but there was some part of you that just wouldn’t let you not.

The same shit covered your For You page on TikTok. Videos from the trailer of Seb and Shailene and then videos of you and Seb, comparing the two relationships. “They do fit well together.” You thought to yourself. A part of you wondering why Seb was with you in the first place.

“Did you say something, love?” Sebastian looked at you from the couch. A blanket was strewn over his lower half, his upper body inviting, waiting for you to join him. His smile dropped when he took in your glassy eyes instead of your usual happy expression.

“Oh baby, what’s wrong?” He started towards you, eyes running over your body for any outward injuries. An understanding look crossed his face when he saw your phone clutched in your hand. “Y/N, talk to me, baby.” Sebastian’s hands rested on your shoulders, lightly caressing your biceps. You recoiled from his touch, feeling uncomfortable in your own body.

“Just some stuff that some fans posted.” Seb’s thumb traced just under your eye, wiping away the tears. He held his right hand out for your phone, to understand what you were talking about. His brows furrowed deeply as he scrolled, not fully processing how destructive his fans could be. Sebastian always believed that they were the best fucking people in the world. He knew that they could be mean, but this was something else.

“They don’t know what they’re talking about, Y/N.” Sebastian’s voice was firm. It was almost strong enough to cut through the fog invading your brain, but not quite. You had officially zoned out. Dead to the world. Lost in your own thoughts. No matter how destructive those thoughts may be.

Sebastian noticed that you were already too deep, having experienced this with you many times before. He was aware that you were self-conscious, insecure, however you want to describe it. Your anxiety always got worse when you were stressed. Prepping for your dissertation was definitely a stressful time. Add on top of that, Sebastian was constantly pulling you from your work for various reasons. Had he contributed to this? Scratch that thought, he didn’t have time for that. He needed to bring you back down to Earth, back to him.

“Y/N.” His hands hovered over your hips. “I’m going to touch you for a second.” He directed you to the couch, settling on the coffee table in front of you. His fingers lightly traced circles onto your knees, as he assessed how he should approach this.

“Y/N. Baby?” Sebastian hesitated before bringing his fingers up to your chin, not wanting you to react badly. “I’m right here, Y/N, it’s Sebastian.” His left hand hadn’t left your knee, continuing to trace small patterns into your skin, giving you something to ground yourself with. He watched you blink and swallow harshly, inhaling sharply before opening your mouth.

“Why are you with me?” Your chin trembled with unvoiced sobs. “You deserve the world, Seb. I’m not even--” Your sentence was cut off by a loud whimper causing tears to start streak down. Sebastian wasn’t sure if this was a situation where you wanted him to be involved, so he waited for a sign.

“I’m not even worth a glance from you.” Your hand came up to wipe at your runny nose. “They’re so right. You need to be with someone like Shailene.” A bitter sob racked your body, making your body fold in half. Sebastian caught you before you hurt yourself.

“Y/N. I love you.” He always heard you say that to yourself when you thought he wasn’t listening. He knew that you suffered from anxiety, so he was always watching. Always paying attention to your little cues. The little things that he could use to help you as much as he could. “I love all of you.” He held one of your hands, running his thumb over the back of it.

“I don’t care what they say, baby.” He lifted your face to his, steel blue eyes locking with your cloudy pair. “I picked you.” He pecked your right cheek. “I want you.” A peck to your left. “I want only you.” One to your forehead. “It’s always been you, Y/N.” Another on your chin. “I love all of you, Y/N.” Sebastian landed a final short kiss to your lips, lingering for only a second.

“I want you to understand something, Y/N.” His gaze never left you. “I’m not going anywhere.” His brows raised as he hardened his voice. “I’m especially not going anywhere at the behest of my fans. I love them to death, but they don’t get to decide who I love.” Sebastian shifted to sit next to you on the couch. “Is it okay if I put my arms around you?” All he got was a brief nod in return, which was expected.

“I’m yours, Y/N. As much as you’re mine.” His arms descended around you, wrapping you in a loving embrace. You turned to face him fully, bringing your own arms around his waist, shoving your head into his neck.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with all my shit, Seb.” Sebastian almost missed your comment because you spoke into his shoulder and through loud snuffles. He backed away to look you in the face.

“I signed up for this, Y/N. I’m here for whatever we go through.” He tucked a stray hair behind your ear. “We go through ‘your shit’ together, Y/N. This is a partnership, a two-way street.” He looked at the weak smile on your face, heart warming slightly at the sight. His face turned serious, casting a glance at your phone on the coffee table.

“How long have you been sitting on this?” He knew how quickly your mind could twist things, so he wasn’t sure what to expect. You bit your lip, not meeting his eyes anymore.

“Just since this morning.” He held you away from his body, watching your expression.

“Is this why you were crying earlier?” You gave him a meek nod in response. “Baby, I thought we talked about this. We have to talk to each other when we think we’re going to go into a funk.” The two of you had talked about it before, but you didn’t think this was going to be a funk.

“I should’ve been able to just shake this off because I know you love me and you won’t leave me because of something that some people on the Internet say.” The words left your mouth before you could process everything, your mind quick to defend itself.

“It’s okay, Y/N. You don’t always have to be able to shake something off. We just have to keep each other in the loop.” Sebastian looked over your tear-stained face, pressing a kiss to your forehead again. “Let’s ditch the phones today. Just spend the day in each other’s arms, how’s that sound?” You smiled softly, nodding at the man in front of you. He got up quickly hiding both of your phones in the kitchen somewhere.

This definitely wasn’t a solution to dealing with your anxiety, Sebastian knew that. It also wasn’t dealing with the toxic people on the Internet, but you didn’t need that right now. You needed to be immersed in an environment that accepted what you were going through without judgement, Sebastian could provide that. Seb hummed happily when you snuggled into his side under the covers on your couch while he searched for a movie. He kissed the top of your head and he felt you smile against his stomach.

“I’m proud of you, draga mea.” You turned to face him, a confused expression lacing your features.

“For what, Seb?” He stroked your face with a single finger, mapping out your features.

“I’m proud of how you handle yourself. I’m amazed at how strong you are, even when you think you’re not.” He leaned closer to you, whispering his next words. “You’re my hero.” One corner of your mouth twitched upwards, not wanting to accept it. You rolled your eyes playfully, settling back onto his stomach before speaking.

“I love you, Sebastian.”

“And I love you, Y/N.”

[lnarizakis]

SAM HIT 1K !

hey, everyone! a few days ago i hit 1k followers and i’m so excited to share with you all this news! it’s been six months of writing, posting, and making new friends, and i’ve recognized the results of all of my efforts. thank you to everyone who’s been with me on this journey, even if i met you in march, or just yesterday!

i acknowledge that in the past i’ve been selfish and self-conscious about that number, but everyday i’m grateful that i have a growing number of people who have my back, supporting me, even if it’s through a simple like or even an anonymous ask telling me they really enjoyed a particular work of mine.

and, with everything you do in life, you encounter people who will support you, make your life better, and just know how to help you up when you’ve fallen: friends. that being said, i want to write a letter to all the friends i’ve made on here since i don’t know when i’ll be able to get the next chance to . . .

TRIS , i remember seeing you appear in the comments of almost all of my posts and i just want to thank you personally for always supporting what i have. you don’t realize how much every little comment means to me, really! it always puts a smile on my face to see you comment something and it feels like i’ve accomplished something, so thank you. @tris-does-stuff

HANA , you really don’t know how happy you’ve made me when you told me you were a fan of mine. it just... shocked me? to know that i have people out there that genuinely support what i do? we only really started talking for a couple of days but i feel a strong connection between the two of us (it really may be our matching mbti types, too!) and i’m so glad to be able to call you my friend. you didn’t hear this from me, but i constantly look back at the #anon makes me happy tag and read through those anonymous messages you sent me. i love them (and you) very much! @wansseul

ELLIOT , i know you as one of my biggest supporters for coaches don’t play, and i find that really heartwarming to see that even after, what, two months since i’ve updated, you reblogged it with the tag #thank you for updating! ! i was so happy to see that, and you even proceeded to send in an ask about it afterwards too! i know we don’t really talk often—but i definitely think we should— but i know that you’re so incredibly sweet, especially after i was having that rough slump of mine i think last month. you were so kind to tell me that you’d always be here if i need to talk with someone, so thank you very much. i’m very grateful to have met you! @keiyoomi

JJ , hey, jj!!! i know we haven’t talked in a hot second, but look! i’ve reached 1k followers! i remember you were around during my coaches don’t play days, and that you always sent an ask after almost every update. sometimes i fiind myself looking back at them and smiling, knowing that you were enjoying what i wrote, so thank you very much! i want to say another thank you for being there for me when i was feeling really down in the dumps, and for taking the time out of your day to write me a message on discord. i’m so grateful that you did so, and i hope life treats you well. also! i began reading the great gatsby for school, so we should talk about it sometime hehehe. @kunimwuah

DOVE , aka uvogin anon, dovey lovey, my favorite inbox invader! i . honestly don’t know how we met. like one day u just appeared in my inbox and BAM ! we started talking! and i don’t regret every single thing i send into your inbox (even beany cock) . i always look forward to whenever you send things in my inbox and i really mean it when i say you’re my favorite inbox invader >:) it makes me so happy to see you active on tumblr and to see what you bring me everyday. i am very grateful you’re in my life, and i hope we continue to talk more and more! @fantasiesofdreams

SAL , i remember the first time i talked with you! you liked one of my posts and i was like oh she seems cool, i’m gonna follow her and congratulate her on 400 followers. and soon enough, we started tagging each other in those tag games and later we just grew closer and closer! i’m so happy that we got really close and it always brightens my day to see you on my dash; you never fail to put a smile on my face. thank you so much for being my friend and always being there when i need a good laugh! @sugaanoya

AI , ai, ai love you! i remember following you for your “be my boyfriend” series, and i hope it continues on your new blog (no promises, of course!). i also was there during your blank kita era, and it was honestly something that made me laugh out loud. i’m pretty sure i turned on notifications for you at that point because i was so invested with this drama. you’re just an insanely nice person whose kindness rivals your love for suna (or is it sakusa? your disloyalty, tsk... just kidding!!!). i know that we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i will be sure to hop in your inbox and stay for a while some time soon. thank you so much for being my friend and i hope you stay happy and healthy! @wiintiier

KAI , aka caca wife! i remember when we started talking on rircus, and at first i didn’t really know who you were, until one fateful night when the conversation about caca happened. at that moment i knew we had similar senses of humor and i remember that i couldn’t stop laughing. it was the caca madness! if i’m being completely honest, i look up to you as a big sister that i’ve never had and i really appreciate you for that, so thank you for being in my life! @lcaita

NAOMI , aka newmie! i remember we first started talking in rircus and i want to thank you for welcoming me so kindly in the server, and especially during the first night we talked, which is when i had a problem and you helped me out immensely. i just want to say thank you for every time that you’ve helped me, talked to me, and made me feel better when i felt less than okay. i’m so glad that i’ve met you and i hope you accomplish great things in your life. @kuraomi

MICKIE , probably one of the only people on discord whose mesages i find myself laughing at a lot. you’re always brightening up the mood wherever you go, and i always find myself looking towards what you have to say today. thanks for that! i also think about that (may i say, really funny) exchange between the two of us on here when you went: “oh god i can’t believe HE’S almost dead ahhh” and i have no idea who you were talking about so i went “omg it’s sero,” and you went on this LONG RANT and it was just so funny to me!!! thanks for always putting a smile on my face. and also! thank you so, so much for suggesting that i get curtain bangs, a decision i really don’t regret! i was afraid i was going to hate them, but i find myself looking in the mirror a lot and thinking: “wow, that is a whole different person.” in a good way! so thank you very much. @tokyoghoose

GERE , aka my ex-wife... sorry about that :( . i never got to say sorry for that but the caca bond runs strong, i hope you understand. i just want you to know how much of a kind person you are, and especially how welcoming you are, too. i was so glad to be welcomed so kindly in your server and it’s become one of my favorites to talk in. i also want you to know, that especially with current times, that things will get better and i’m so glad you’re staying positive with everything going on recently. i love you for you, please remember that!!! @t-amajiki

ISSA , omg, girly pop. hahahaha!!! issa, you’re such a genuine person and i remember meeting you for the first time on rircus. you welcomed me with open arms and you were just the kindest person i met on there. you’re someone who’s just so beautiful inside and out, and the way you’re so large and in charge with your feelings is something i really admire about you. i know we don’t talk so often, but i hope we do. i want to thank you for being my friend, and especially always making me laugh! i love you very much, issa! @indigohitoshi

KYLIE , kylie!!!! the co-founder of our son, iwaizumi hajime. this was literally peak popularity and i knew i was never to get as many notifications as i did in that moment. of everyone i could have shared the account with, i am so glad that i was able to do it with you because we were able to grow closer because of that. now we have this weird inside joke that our son gets mad cooch, and that every day we must think of in another life. where are the daily in another life tiktoks??? of course, our son isn’t the only thing i associate with you. you’re such a kind, hilarious, and genuine person, and to be honest, sometimes i really worry for your wellbeing. get some more sleep, kyl!!! you deserve it. i want you to be grucchi, not tired and wanting to die. thank you so, so much for being my friend, and i am so happy that i met you! @peppermintkiddo

TO, LIKE, EVERYONE FROM RIRCUS , the best people i could ever meet. i’m sorry i couldn’t write an individual letter to all of you, since we haven’t interacted so often for me to pick out one specific memory that i could hold and cherish, but know that every time i come on rircus and talk with you, it is a moment that i will always remember! thank you so much for being my friends and i love you all so, so incredibly much. @kaoyuuuuu @reogou @haikyuu-but-low-iq @yooooooooooomi @samdwich @kenmauwus @shirasusgf @macaronnv @king-kawa

TO EVERYONE THAT CONSTANTLY LIKES, REBLOGS, OR COMMENTS ON MY WORK , you know who you are. i know who you are. i can literally tag you right now. but i think i’ll prefer to keep the anonymity. thank you so much for sharing my work, giving me feedback, and everything. it mean so much to me, especially if there’s a comment attached to the reblog. you make me do a little happy dance!!! i love you so much for what you do and i hope you continue to support me in every way possible!

FOR PEOPLE THAT I MISS/PROBABLY WON’T READ THIS

MEL , hi mel! i’m not very sure if you will read this, but i am so happy that i met you and that we began talking. i remember we began talking after i asked for people to send in memes for that meme war against my sister. i told you i won, right? well, i did. ahhaha anyways, i am very sad that we sort of grew apart and i hope that we can begin talking again soon. you were the highlight of my spring semester. i enjoyed talking with you so much. but i hope that you and your family are currently doing well and that you stay happy and healthy! i miss you very much, melon, thank you for being a part of my life!

RAENAH , hi rae! i think meeting you was a blessing, to be honest. i can’t remember a time when i was utterly annoyed by your presence, nor was i ever mad with you. you are such a kind person with such a pure heart, and during your time on tumblr you really showcased it for everyone to see. you were literally with me from literally the very beginning, during the “my name is...” days, and all i can say is that i am blessed to have met you! thank you so much for lighting up my life, talking to me whenever you made the time, and especially playing minecraft with me. it was so fun, even if it was for a short while. i hope you had as much fun as i had! again, thank you so much for supporting, befriending, and getting to know me because i will never forget you on tumblr dot com. i hope you stay well and make sure you rest often, especially with uni! @a-kaashi

MIYU , where has miyu gone? just kidding. i know you’re there. i hope you read this because i don’t want to tag your new blog. anyways, i just want you to know you make my dash ten times better. it’s literally so boring without you spicing it up, with you talking with anons and your mutuals. i definitely think i should invade your inbox more, what do you think? when i was starting on tumblr, you were a very big inspiration to me and i am very proud of all the works you write. you still are someone i look up to as a writer, because you have such a creative spirit and it makes me so happy you’re able to showcase it for everyone to see. i hope you are staying healthy and well right now, and thank you so much for being my friend!

GIGI , poop. i genuinely miss you very much, but i know that school takes a priority for you. i hope you’re doing well with your classes and that you find the man of your dreams. hopefully it is not the skater boy because you deserve someone as insanely hot as kurapika. no cap. i remember during my chrollo pfp guy craze you were there to deter me away from liking him, but let me just tell you, we’re getting closer tbh. ;) . just kidding, we really aren’t, but we’ve been talking quite a bit. i also want to tell you that you’re someone who’s made me smile with everything you say, and i find myself sometimes typing the way you do. you’re an influence, gigi! please stay happy and healthy and make sure you get lots of rest during your time at school! @gigiwrite

MARS , best for last, am i right? i’m not really sure when i first saw you on my blog, but i remember you’ve been here for a very, very long time. i think it was back in july when we first started talking. you were 🦊 anon, and it made me so happy to read that you felt comfortable enough to reveal yourself! from there, i knew we had a bond from the way we interacted with one another. you’re just such a kind person and you show that to everyone you meet. it’s a quality i wish i had in myself and i really look up to you for your genuinity. sometimes i feel like i don’t thank you enough for how kind you are to me, but just know that with every time i talk i’m always grateful that you’re in my life and that i’ve met you. i know you’re someone i can always lean on and i hope you see me the same. thank you so much for being in my life; you’re someone who means a lot to me. @maru5hka

TO BASICALLY EVERYONE HERE

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR 1K!!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. i am so grateful for each and every one of you; you guys are so hot and sexy. i am so grateful to have met you all, even if it was just a simple “you’re added to the taglist!” or a “thank you so much!” i count it as you being my friend and you interacting with me. you guys aren’t my followers; you’re my friends. thank you so much for being my friend and being here for all of my weird shenanigans i have up my sleeve, whether it be my meme war against my sister, my obsession for blue lock, and my huge crush on chrollo pfp guy. well, here’s to me for being sappy and here’s to many more!

[patchofsunlight]

1K FOLLOWERS EVENT!!! — WRITING CHALLENGE

MASTERLIST TO THIS WRITING CHALLENGE

hey!!! hello!!! it’s me!!! i think most of you know but uh i reached 1k followers!!! i didn’t expect that and i’m very very happy about it thank you so much i love you hehe

i’d love to do a nice event to celebrate but i still got requests for the 800 followers event to finish, so, thanks to a suggestion by the dougnut anon (i love you) i thought of making a writing challenge event!!!

i’ll provide you a list of prompts, and then you can choose one and write something with it, be it an imagine or a drabble or headcanons!!! you can choose literally any prompt and just. write!! and then post it and tag me on it with the “nina’s 1k event” tag so i can reblog it and add it to the event masterlist when the event is done!!!

so, in conclusion, this is how it goes:

— you choose one (or more!) of the prompts from the list down below

— you write something with it! you can write for any of the fandoms i write for, so Percy Jackson and Heroes of Olympus, BNHA, and ATLA! 

↳ you can write any genre and trope, fluff, angst, crack, coffee shop! au, soulmates, whatever. just write anything you feel like writing! have fun with it!!!!

— you post your writing and tag me on it!! and please just like write somewhere that it’s for my event and what prompt you chose so i can know!!! and add the “nina’s 1k event” tag!!!

— you can write as many prompts and as many fics as you want! go wild

— yes supporting writers on tumblr yes

you can send in your writings until,,,, uh,,,, October 23rd. yeah!!! i hope you guys participate, i’m sure i’ll love to read everything you write!!!!

the prompt list comes under the cut!!! i’m excited hehe

PROMPT LIST

(they are mainly dialogue prompts because. that’s what i’m here for. also i came up with them but i’m pretty sure some are from other prompt lists and i just remembered them lmao) (also i made like..... sub-prompts to some of the prompts because i just had ideas and i couldn’t not put them there)

1. “I think I’m falling in love with you, and it scares me.”

2. “Please, help me.”

3. “I’m not saying you’re an asshole, except that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

4. “I’ve always been in love with you, since the beginning.”

5. “I don’t mind it if it’s you.”

6. “I missed you so, so much.”

7. “You can’t adopt a pet everytime you feel upset, Character B.”

8. “I thought you loved me.”

9. Character A: Where the fuck are you? Character B: Space doesn’t really exist, so I’m nowhere. Life is built on social constructs and, since there’s no way to know if we’re really alive or if it’s just an illusion, I can’t be anywhere. A: B. B: Yeah, sorry, I got caught up but I’ll be there soon.

10. “What? Me? Afraid? Come on! I’m actually terrified.”

11. “You look beautiful.”

12. “If you do this, I’ll never forgive you.”

13. “I’ll always forgive you.”

14. “It’s not your fault.”

15. “You did this! You ruined me!”

16. “You are like sunlight.”

17. “You’re enough. You’re enough, and I love you.”

18. “Why am I never good enough?”

19. “Okay, so, like, I might, well, it’s not that I might, it’s that I do, I, just, shit! Okay, well, you see— I am kind of absolutely in love with you.”

20. “You make me really, really happy.”

21. ways to say “I love you” without saying “I love you”

22. “Go to bed, you idiot.”

23. “I really like having you around.”

24. “I’m glad you exist.”

25. “You have no idea how much you mean to me.”

26. “I’m so proud of you.”

27. “I have always cared about you.”

28. Character A: I’ve never been wrong but since I met you, I’ve been wrong a ridiculous amount of times. Character B: What do you mean? A: I keep thinking you cannot get any more stupid and then you prove me wrong every single time.

29. “I’d love to be lonely with you, if you’d let me.”

30. “You lied to me!”

31. “I’m so in love with you it hurts.”

32. “If you quote another TikTok, I swear on God—”

33. make one of the characters a TikToker

33.2. “If I see you do the Renegade one more time I will literally punch you in the face.”

33.3. Character A: I love you. Character B: No, you don’t, Topper! You love the idea of me, you love being seen with me, but you don’t love me! A: ... B: I love you too.

33.4. Character A: Stop quoting TikToks! It’s annoying! Character B: Okay, okay! Sorry! A, later that day, alone in their room, muttering: Who painted the Mona Lisa? Mona Lisa! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Da Vinky?! A: *freezes* A: FUCK!

34. playing Among Us

34.2. “YOU WERE THE IMPOSTOR ALL ALONG? I TRUSTED YOU, I DEFENDED YOU, I—”

34.3. Character A: I saw you vent. Character B: No you didn’t. Vote A out, it’s them. C: k D: k E: k A: Wait, what the fuck? [A was not An Impostor. 1 Impostor remains.]

35. Among Us!AU 

36. Character A: I should’ve never trusted you! Character B: Oh, don’t blame me for this! You brought this upon yourself!

37. “I didn’t have a choice!”

38. “How could you do this? I loved you!”

39. “You deserve to be happy too.”

40. “We’re more than friends and you know it.”

41. Character A: Why did you do that? Character B: I did it for the vine.

42. Character A: Fuck. Oh, fuck. I’m in love with Character B! Character C: Yeah. A: Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?! C: What?! I thought you knew!

43. Character A: What?! That’s illegal! Character B: *sneezes* B: Oh, sorry! I’m allergic to cowards.

44. “I’m sorry I'm not good enough for you.”

45. “I wish you were here.”

46. “Why don’t you ever stay? Why do you always have to leave?”

47. Character A: I still love you. Character B: Even now? Character A: Specially now.

48. “I needed you and you weren’t here.”

49. “You deserve so much better.”

50. “I want you. After all this time, I still want you. God, I’ll always want you.”

so this is it!!! please participate because if this flops i will cry and feel too embarrassed to ever show my face again<3 LMAOOO OKAY LOVE YOU!!! THANK YOU FOR 1K FOLLOWERS!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! i’m excited to see what you write!!!

[barnesbabee]

a post of appreciation/happy  new year

I don’t usually do these ‘cause I’m terrible at mushy things, that’s why there’s not a single fluff work on my masterlist, but yall deserve it.

First of all thank you to everyone who followed me this year, thanks for sticking w my account I know sometimes it’s a hard time out here lmfao 

Thank you to all of my anons who protected me, backed me up and made me feel loved and cared for no matter what, it means the world to me that you’d do that for me even though we don’t personally know each other <3

I wish you all an amazing year, and I hope you all the happiness, health and luck the next year. No matter what happens, even though I might stop writing, I’m still here for all of you, wether it’s advice that you want, comfort or just a conversation.

Yeah and uh, thank you for giving me 2.4k in like 8 months that’s crazy-

  Now, onto the specifics, those are going under the cut cause I don’t want you to be scrolling for eternity-

@mingishoe - I have NEVER met someone so genuine yet emotionless in my life- I love your sense of humour, I love how smart and honest you are. I truly feel safe talking to you because I know that you won’t get upset or offended because of a random joke. You’re so understanding and you make me feel a lot better because neither of us can fucking spell <3 I really admire you, you are the EMBODIMENT of ‘oh, ok’. I love how much you genuinely don’t care. I love you, thank you for being one of the closest people to me on here, please ditch the tentale porn, thank you and all the best <3 <3

nova - I can’t fucking remember your @ for the life of me but I don’t think you wanna be tagged anyway AHKDJSKAD thank you for sticking with me, I really miss you on here, we are lacking some common sense and good humour on here, but I understand your decision and I wish you all the best and so so much success with your career, love you <3 

@smallfrye - president smalls, thank you for sticking with me despite the you know,,,,, the issue,,, lol- I really respect you for standing your ground and not ditching me which would probably me the most convinient option, I really really treasure you for that, a million thank yous. I consider you one of the smartest and most original/talented people around here, your aesthetic is immaculate.  I loe talking to you and I hope 2021 brings you better friends, lots of health and happiness because you sure as hell deserve it 

@choisans-dimples - I do not like you, next- IM JOKING <3 I love you a lot cass, we connected real quick *mostly cause we dislike the same people but moving on-*, you are so smart and funny, you can make anyone feel comfortable around you just like that. I love to joke around with you, you are truly an amazing person, and I wish you all the happiness in the world, because you deserve it <3

@lustjoong - you’re honestly just adorable, ok and I really wanna talk to you more BUT YOU ONLY REPLY ONCE IN A FULL MOON- anyways I still wanted to tag you because youre a lovely person, and I want to be your friend 

@jonghoshoe - you’re one of the best people I met on here. Thank you for sticking with me and clearing out all of my doubts and having no problem talking about stuff that you maybe already explained to people a million times sadhsajkdal you really helped educate me and I’m super thankful for that. Also thank you for being my friend, I know it’s hard cause I’m HELLA mean 👀👀 but foreal, thank you for talking to me, you’re hella funny, you’re a really kind and understanding person and you deserve the world, I wish you all the happiness in the world and just know that if I find you shirtless dancing on tiktok after top surgery I will murder you you himbo-

@little-precious-baby - I really like you Mei, me and all of these creators appreciate all of your support and we really love you, so you deserve an amazing year, filled with luck and happiness, I wish we become closer in the future!! ps. you need to stop saying you’re not cool enoug ajsdkasdghas

@atzsslut - you left me on read on discord but I’m pretending that didn’t happen <3<3 we just became friends but I really fuck with you, you’re very fun and genuine, I intsantly felt comfortable around you and I really wanted to be your friend the second we started speaking, so thank you for putting up with all the crazy asjdskahd

[random-mha-thoughts]

Chains (Shinsou X Reader)

Pairing: Shinsou x Reader, side!Kirishima

For anon

Genre: Angst to fluff

Word count: 2,576

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​

a/n: Who am I to resist a request? Or even a little angst ;) Take care of your mental health kids, don’t end up like me Thanks for being the first request anon!  I hope I did a good job fulfilling your wishes!

When I started writing, I was scrolling through TikToks (bc I’m a loser) and I found one that helped me tweak the climax scene and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.  It’s almost twice as long as my previous posts because I wanted to stuff as much into it.  Enjoy!

(Also ICYMI I wrote a Todoroki Birthday Special!)

"Are you excited for the Sports Festival?" I swings my legs on the bench, sipping my carton of juice.

Shinsou crosses his leg over the other, leaning his arms on the back of the bench.  "Yeah, can't wait to face off with that loud-mouth idiot."  He scoffs.  "Who does he think he is?  His head's stuck far up his ass.  I can't believe you're friends with him."

I roll my eyes.  "We're not really friends, Kirishima's attached to him at the hip, they're a package deal."

His dark purple eyes glance over me for a moment.  "I see."

The expression on his face is unreadable.  Not that it's out of the ordinary since he's the quiet type, but it makes me uneasy.  Lately, our relationship has become distant ever since both of us made it to UA.  I was accepted into 1-A and Shinsou didn't.  Though he tells me he supports me wholeheartedly and assures me otherwise, I know he's hurt about it.  And it doesn't help that I've had to split my time between him and my classmates after school.

I scoot closer to him, grip his large hands, and lean my head on his shoulder.  "You're stressed, aren't you?  I really want you to do well so you can transfer into my class.  You deserve it."

Shinsou's head rests on mine in response.  "I hope I can make it in."

"Hey," I call softly, a faint nagging creeping into my mind.  "We're keeping competition between us friendly, right?"

"Afraid you're gonna lose, sweetheart?" he chuckles.  I can't hear the smirk on his face.

I shove his shoulder with mine.  "Shut up."

Red flag, my mind immediately thinks as I stand there dumbfounded by what he's just said.  "You want to what?"

Shinsou crosses his arms over his chest.  "I need full control over everyone on my team, that includes you."

My body grows cold and my knees start shaking.  He's not joking.  There's not a hint of lighthearted joking or teasing in his cold eyes.  He's never even joked about it before because he was afraid of what I would think of him if he ever used his quirk on me; he would never forgive himself if he did.

I look down at my shoes.  I trust his strategic mind to lead us, but it hurts to think he doesn't trust me enough to help him without control.  He just wants to win like you do, I rationalize.  But is that enough to relinquish total control to him?

A hand on my shoulder scatters my thoughts and I stare up into Shinsou's concerned gaze.  "I know I promised before, but these are different circumstances, I'm sorry.  I promise you, we can make it to the next round if you trust me."

Though I still feel torn, I sigh in surrender.  "Okay."

He removes his hand, eyes blank.  "Are you ready?"

A hint of hesitation persuades me to reconsider, but the thought of letting him down and pushing him away overtakes me.  "Yes."

As soon as the words leave my mouth, my breath hitches and my mind goes blank.  All stiffness leaves my limbs but I can't move, a numbing cold sensation takes over.

It feels strange, having no control over your body; it moves though you don't will it to, and all you can do is watch.  It's almost like you're playing a 4D game, but you're the character and you can still feel everything, but you can't react.  Your quirk almost feels fake for a moment until you realize it's your body.  As Shinsou maneuvers our entire team to stealthily steal the other teams' headbands with the help of my chain-creation quirk, I feel out of place in my own body.

But I made this choice to trust him, and I will.  I just hope I don't have to feel this again.

When I saw our names lined up for the first match, I thought it was some cruel joke my eyes were playing on me.  But it wasn't.  Shinsou stands across from me in the ring, hands casually stuffed in his pockets like this is the most normal thing, like I'm his enemy.

"So much for keeping competition friendly," he smirks, looking down his nose at me.

I try to match his attitude to mask my uneasy nerves.  "Yeah, like you can hurt me more than I can hurt you."

I breathe, thinking of a strategy to beat him.  Fortunately, my quirk is pretty offensive while his isn't.  I just have to close the distance between us, grab him with my chains, and throw him out of the ring without responding to anything he says.  Simple.

"AND START!!!!" Present Mic's voice booms throughout the stadium.

I run to start closing the distance between us.  Admittedly, I can't make very long chains that reach all the way to him very quickly, so I have to get closer to my target.

Shinsou knows this, retreating the other way.  "I guess you haven't trained enough to extend your quirk."  When I don't answer, he continues, "It seems they don't teach you much in that Hero class."

The urge for me to yell at him to shut up is on the tip of my tongue, but I bite it back.  If he catches me, it's game over.

"I guess the only thing that class is good for is nurturing hot-heads and stealing your time from people who're supposed to matter."

I slow down a little, my breath heaving.  His words have a dark undertone to them.  I understand taunting me with petty, good-natured quips, but is he digging deep?

The smirk on his face wavers a bit.  "If I knew being a hero means abandoning the people you care about, then maybe some of us good guys aren't cut out for such a job."

Are you implying I'm a bad guy then? I want to taunt back, but I know I can't.

"But I guess you got into the hero course because you have a heroic quirk," he goes on.  "Too bad you can't use it to its full potential yet."

He knows how frustrated I get about my quirk.  Which is why he's using it as canon fire against you, I remind myself, picking up the pace again.  Damnit!  Just slow down already!  When did you get so athletic?

"But it's fine, as long as you have fun with your new friends, right?"  He suddenly comes to a stop, his back to me.

Though I'm confused and my first instinct is to stop, I rush forward, chains growing out of my palms in preparation.

"Well, I guess you always had the more heroic and useful quirk."

The pain in his voice stops me dead.  What-

He turns around, hurt, pain, and anger mixed into his expression.  "You must've realized the difference between our quirks, right?  That I'm more suited to being a villain?"  His eyebrows furrow into more anger.  "I knew this day would come, I knew you never really cared about my feelings and you would eventually leave me alone like everyone else!"

Shinsou shouldn’t be like this. The way he’s trained with his quirk naturally made him more blunt and willing to share his opinion, but he's not like this usually. Getting the brunt of that bluntness doesn’t make me feel that great.  My silence became less about me staying quiet to avoid his quirk and more me being appalled and dumbstruck by the accusations he’s throwing at me.   I know he's only saying things to get me to respond, but when did he cross that line between playful chiding just to win and an actual fight between us?  I don't even know how to feel about his words.

"You know, I never fully trusted you," he points a finger at me.  "Especially when you were chosen for the Hero class and not me.  I knew you would eventually shut me out of your life and avoid me because I don't fit in with your 'hero' friends.  You're just like everyone else!"

My mouth gapes open, the words not coming.  His apparent pain and frustration urges me to comfort him somehow, but how do I respond?  Where do I even start?

Shinsou bites his lip, his features softening up into melancholy.  "If you're sick of me, just leave me for Shark Teeth already, okay?  Don't string me on like this!"

My chest feels heavy with guilt and I want nothing more than to run to him and throw my arms around him.  "Hitoshi-"

The numbness grips me before I can register Shinsou's face relax from agony into a smirk of victory.  No...

"OH MY GOD!! SHINSOU WAS FAKING A LOVER'S QUARREL TO TRAP HIS OPPONENT WITH HIS BRAINWASHING!! HOW WILL THIS END?!" Present Mic screams through the speakers.

He was faking.  My heart sinks, overcome with varying degrees of fury and self-loathing.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this."  Funnily enough, he doesn't sound very apologetic.  "But now that I've got you, we can end this.  Go walk out of bounds and lose for me."

At this point, I don't even care about losing, or that I'm walking against my will out of this stupid ring.  Shinsou said all those things to hurt me intentionally, and when he realized I can ignore his taunts, he took advantage of my feelings.  And everything he said, he had to have meant them somehow.  I know he's bottled up all those complaints and used them against me now.

Midnight declares Shinsou the winner of the match after I take my final step out of the ring and the feeling returns to my body.  When I turn around, he's grinning for his triumphant win, but it falters when he sees me.  I'm not in the mood to be a good sport or even offer a smile, I just walk off and let him have his moment.

I walk up to where the rest of Class 1-A is sitting, fists still clenched into white knuckles.

"Nice job, Extra," Bakugou scowls at me, leaning back in his seat.  "You got beat  by that General Studies loser."

"Shut the hell up, Pomeranian asshat, I'm not in the mood."  I slump down a few rows up.  I just want to be alone to think.  There's the fear in my mind that I didn't show off my quirk enough and I might get replaced because I was eliminated so early and that I'm still weak at my quirk, but those are the least of my worries.  How am I supposed to confront Shinsou?  A part of me wants to be angry and beat him into next week, but I can't bring myself to.

Kirishima slides into the seat next to me.  "Hey, don't be so upset.  You tried your best."

I sigh.  "Thanks, Kiri.  I don't care about losing though."

He puts a hand on my shoulder sympathetically.  "That was a pretty nasty fight out there.  Is everything okay between you guys?"

"I thought it was!" I burst out, almost laughing at my misfortune.  "Apparently I was wrong and oblivious to everything!"  I bury my face in my hands.  "I just... How did it get to this, Kiri? I thought I knew him enough to know when something's wrong.  Instead I let him deal with all those pent up emotions alone.  God, I'm so stupid!"

Kirishima takes in my clearly disgruntled state and rubs the back of his neck, appearing uncomfortable.  "If I'll be honest, Shinsou would be an idiot to do that to you intentionally, and he's probably kicking himself for what he did.  I know he really cares about you, he was just caught in the moment."

I turn my body to face my best friend.  "Kiri, I know you're resisting the urge to beat his ass, you don't have to defend him."

"Of course I wanna beat him up!  He made you sit here all upset, that's not manly!"  He punches his fists together, suddenly fired up before he relaxes.  "And at the same time, it wouldn't be manly of me to come between you guys."

I offer him a sad smile.  I already know about Kiri's crush on me, he told me a few weeks ago after class when he didn't know I was already taken.  Thankfully, he never made anything awkward after that and we've stayed best friends.

"Which is why I should help you guys patch thing up instead!"  He flashes a shark-tooth grin.  "You guys should really talk it over, clear the air once and for all!  I think he would really appreciate it if you gave him a chance to explain his feelings."

I nod to myself.  "Yeah, it wouldn't do us any good to let this blow up."  Swinging an arm over his shoulder, I ruffle his gelled hair.  "You would make a great boyfriend, Kiri, giving great advice like this."

"Hey hey!  Don't mess up my hair!"  The red-head struggles in my grip.  "Don't you have any idea how long it took me to do this morning?!"

I stretch out my sore muscles as I walk out of the changing room, ready to go home after a long day.  In the distance, Shinsou's waiting near a bench, hands in his pockets as usual.

"Hey," I greet him with a neutral tone.

He's surprised to see me approach him first.  "Hey..."

To avoid too long of an awkward pause, I say, "I'm sorry you didn't win.  I guess Midoriya found a way to overcome your quirk."

"Yeah, that was shocking to me."  He avoids my gaze, rubbing the back his neck awkwardly.

I swallow, gathering my wits.  I've rehearsed what I wanted to say while I was sitting around idle during the day and I'm ready to let it all out.  "I-"

"I'm really sorry for everything I said."  Shinsou beats me to the punch.  "I want to take it back and say none of it was true, but my feelings are still there."  He shuffles his feet together.  "I know you were still trying to make time for me, I was just selfish that you were spending time with Ashido and Kirishima and...their friends.  My own insecurities got in the way."  His hand lands on my head, a sign of his affection.  "You made it into the Hero class by your own merit.  And I do trust that you wouldn't leave me.  You're the best thing that's happened to me and I almost screwed this up.  And if you're still mad, I understand-"

I cut him off by enveloping him in a hug, squeezing him with my arms around him as I bury my face in his chest.  "It's my fault too.  I should've been more aware of your feelings and addressed them."

His arms timidly wrap around my frame.  "So, you're not mad?"

"I mean, I still want to slap you for using your quirk on me twice when you promised you'd never do it."

His body rumbles as he laughs at me, petting my head.  "I'm sorry for that too.  I won't do it again."

"You better not," I threaten, though I know it's empty.  "It really didn't feel good.  If you do it again, as soon as I'm out, I'm whipping you with my chains."

He's silent for a moment.  "Should I be excited or scared?"  A girlish scream escapes his lips when metal collides with his back.

I had to I’m sorry :)

So the full anon ask (in case you were wondering) was: i absolutely love your writing! the shinso one is amazing! Idk if you write angst (to fluff) but if you do can you write: shinso and reader dating but the sports festival came up and they are against each other. shinso ends up saying negative things about the reader / relationship to try to get her to talk back. Reader ends up upset and wonders if he went too far. asks her best friend Kiri (who has a crush on her) for advice. And the rest is up to you :)

Thanks again anon for being my first request :)

[blasphemie]

you know, @bumkeyz​, i think it’s very nasty for you to say i have some kind of privilege in all of this. we don’t get to pick and choose who was affected by addy and her actions. just because you see the shit that we posted on tumblr, does not mean you have the full story. and i’m gonna be honest... fuck you and the anon in my inbox for making me feel like i MUST talk about my own trauma because if i didn’t, i was staying silent for her.

when i say my brain couldn’t handle this, it’s because of outside factors that i won’t get into and the fact i had the stark realization that i was in fact manipulated by addy. it’s been hard to come to terms with and all i wanted to do with that ask was highlight that i did not stand by her. but fine, you want the long post of it all, so here ya go.

here’s my story. my side of things. read if you want, or don’t.

tw : manipulation , guilt tripping .

i’m not going to pretend like i remember when addy and i met. all i remember is something was happening in the rpc and i was involved in some discourse and she came into my ims offering support. i was very leery of her at this point, as she had just come back from her stay with rpslayed. tumblr won’t let me reopen those ims now she’s deleted that old blog, but i know that i did reply. it went from that discourse, to the one she was having with B, someone that took advantage of her. and again, i have morals to uphold, so of course i went off about it. through all of this, i started to believe she had changed - which was a large lapse in my own judgement at the time, but we became friends. i wish i hadn’t NOW, but that’s not something i can change now.

i have a terrible memory as i’ve stated, so again, i’m not going to be able to give dates on this one either, but you know how there was an asterisked name in certain posts of her’s? yeah that was my name right up until her current boyfriend. me and addy had this... thing going. more of like a back and forth, will they won’t they. i wish it was as poetic as some wattpad fic because that’s where i begin to realize i was manipulated. the biggest thing i can remember is the whole situation concerning my best friend, who is also my ex-boyfriend. something that was truly one sided occurred between them and soon it was such a big thing that me and him were friends. one time, she did not even talk to me for days and would only add like an emphasis or thumbs down to my imessage texts ( idk what they’re called but you get me ) . i was constantly made to feel bad that my ex was my best friend, i remember once she found out we wanted to make a rp together and was all “im going back to bed”. i once made a post that said “you know it’s real if i send you tiktoks” and tagged him in it and that again, led to her ghosting me because she didn’t feel important enough to me or whatever.

i remember there was this time we didn’t talk for a certain amount of time, so i blocked her thinking we weren’t friends. and then i get this over cashapp.

i won’t lie. addy has given me money. she gave me money when i really needed it and i think that’s why i didn’t want to speak against her. because i didn’t want her to think i had just been using her for money because i know at one point that is what she thought of me. but anyway, at this point, i’m like oh so we ARE friends ? and i’ve just been thrown back and forth so much with her that it was normal to me at this point. so we reconnected. i think the guilt over accepting money from someone kept me by her side and kept me standing up for her.

people who know me know i’m not an active replier sometimes. i sometimes disappear for days at a time and come back. that’s just who i am. addy didn’t like this. i remember once she was mad at me because i posted a screenshot of something my friend said and again, i was ghosted. this is how even part of that went.

the entire thing is that i respect people’s boundaries. but this stemmed from a place of pettiness. this was the aftermath of that btw once i was softblocked.

things like this also occurred.

it felt like i was being PUNISHED for not replying. when i don’t reply, it’s not because i want to make someone not feel as if they’re not important to me, which is something she tried to say me posting a screenshot of someone else was me saying.

on the subject of the sexual jokes / allegations from other people : i had NO idea then that they were being made to everyone, especially minors. i thought it was something that was exclusive to people she liked. it became clear to me that she did make those jokes to everyone, but never, EVER to minors. please do not say i stand with someone whose said that shit to kids, because i would never. i’ve been at the receiving end of those and some were consensual, but not all, but i do digress.

ya know, i was always was to be blame for a failed almost relationship because don’t get me wrong, i did like addy. but i’ll also be the first to admit i am a VERY closed off person, but i still flirt with people a lot. but it was always pointed out to me that it was very clearly my fault, no matter if i apologized. it was always my fault. i always hurt her feelings ( to the point she would delete my number and contact entirely ) . it was just always, ALWAYS salt’s fault, she never let me forget that. i remember indirects were made about me such as this.

btw this right here, was made BEFORE the “who gonna tell me” post, which she ended up deleting and then posting those.

i remember even when i would TRY with her by saying hmu if you want to watch a movie, she would reply with “go ask [ex bf]” or when i reconnected with an flame she would say “whatever go flirt with [name]”. go do this, go do that. 

but the kicker? she would always come back and act like nothing happened. and i would always be in such a state of whiplash with this. she would flirt with me again and i would flirt back because that’s what i was used to.

when she got in her newest relationship, it all kind of came to a close, except if i made a joke about it all, she would say i hurt her feelings and lash out about it all. i was STILL made to feel bad about it even when she was in a relationship.

i think at the end of the day, i should and WILL take full accountability for even becoming friends with her in the first place due to her past. i could’ve easily stopped all of this happening to me if i had not made that ONE decision. at the end of the day, i was still manipulated, i was still made to feel like trash over a failed relationship, and i let it happen because i had feelings for her AND she had helped me out when i most needed it. but i’ll be dammed if i let someone say i had a PRIVILEGE in this situation when i felt like i had to stay friends with her because of the money or because she would say some shit about me if i tried to not be friends with her. and while there is so much more i could pull up and show y’all, i do not feel like going through all of that. just know this pattern is what i experienced for upwards of a year or so.

you can believe what you want or feel how you want about me. it doesn’t change a damn thing that happened to me and i’m so, SO tired of being silent.

- salt.

[sophiemi]

A Response to Hate + Wisdom, I Suggest Everyone Reads.

This is a pretty long post replying to some hate I got from a recent post I made about Mirajane Strauss and Laxus Dreyar, I linked it at the bottom of this if you would like to read it. I think everyone should read this post not only because its some piping hot tea, but there’s also a lot of other things I talk about in this that I feel like everyone should hear. Totally understand if you don’t want to read it though. Let me know what you think!  

First here is what they/you said (in order):

Hi I just liked to start with I blocked you from send me anymore ask, but I’m letting you know if you change devices you can still ask me things or messages, if you DM (off anon) ill take your request seriously, but since you’re on anon I’m not gonna take you seriously, sorry. Especially after you were actually mean to me when I did nothing wrong, which is why I’m making this post even though I’d normally ignore it.

Lets start with the general Miraxus stuff, that post WAS NOT hate. You have to be delusional and overly obsessed to believe that was a hate post, or that I was spreading “false information.” In the post I literally said they had good development and linked a master list of ALL their interactions. The entire post was about how even though I don’t ACTIVELY ship them (meaning they are cute and I agree they would be a good couple, but I just don’t get that feeling where I’m like “oh okay yes them” and I feel the need to stalk them, ((not everyone hates what threatens their ships)), and I’m not denying they are very cute, and have a lot of cute art and moments, it just doesn’t hype me up the same way other ships do.) So, this post was pro-miraxus, I’m literally saying they honestly deserved to become canon/canon-ish like a lot of the other ships did, so it was not “cross tagged” the post was about mira and laxus and thats what I tagged it, if you are talking about the part where i tagged “#I feel sorry for anyone who ships miraxus” that is literally me validating anyone hurt over the ending.  Again, I’m not following the Miraxus tag or any account solely dedicated to that ship so I didn’t even know he drew a kid or them, that’s super cool, good for you. I wasn’t being “biased” because I’m not neck deep in any ship for Laxus or Mira, yes i think CanaJane is cute but I know its very unrealistic, this is why I was able to form this opinion that they deserved better. The post was about how Mashima baited Miraxus the entire series, then said “Never!!!!” even if it was Lucy’s inner thoughts, Mashima knew what he was doing. I was saying, “wow that probably sucked if you really liked them! I’m sorry!” If you believe my post was to degrade Mira x Laxus and hype Cana x Mira, then you need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself, I understand you are probably like 13-14 but that’s still not okay to attack people because they don’t agree with you, and if you are older that 13 or 14 that’s just embarrassing. I also believe that Freed x Laxus deserved a better ending and I also don’t actively ship that either, Freed spent the whole series wanting to protect and be by the side of Laxus and they had no interaction in the finale.

 Next, lets go to the part about you saying I’m a “slash fetishizer shipper” (also i literally had to look up what this meant) I can only assume you canajane because i said they “hit different” right? Let me just re insert what you said to make sure I reply correctly

Yes I think Cana and Mira are very attractive, and I think they are hot together too. Hi i’m into girls. I am the woke points. I agree people make lgbt people into a fetish and don’t actually respect them, but that’s mostly males thinking lesbians are hot while being gross out by gay men, I may be naive but you don’t often see that on anime tumblr where half the people are gay anyway, not to mention most are female. This next part may be controversial I’m not sure, but people don’t need a reason to ship characters and no one can tell them who they can and can’t ship (this does not apply to shipping a child with an adult), so you can’t say only gay people can ship to people of the same gender, sorry that’s not how it works, i understand you’re trying to get those “woke points” but you just look like a fool. But then next you said this:

Actual author content? Oh you mean like the post I linked that showed EVERY SINGLE interaction/moment/hints that Miraxus had? Like I said, they had good development, and my post was about how the AUTHOR should’ve given them a better ending. I’d just like to add there are many moments that the AUTHOR wrote between Cana and Mira that made me ship them, if the AUTHOR never wrote anything to where they interacted, I wouldn’t ship them?  This post is not about that though so I’m not gonna go anymore into them. 

“false information” girl what? where? I’m genuinely curious, I used screenshots of the manga to present to idea that Miraxus deserved better and that’s all I talked about so I’m confused what you been by this:

So I can tell you took the one line where i said I like CanaJane more than Miraxus and in your mind twisted my entire PRO-miraxus argument into and anti post, this kind of behavior is toxic, and “its not a good look sir” 

Let also clarify something, cross tagging is posting about something and tagging things completely unrelated, this post was about mira and laxus and thats what it was tagged about. Cross tagging is often used in shipping wars, but my post was pro-miraxus so it makes no sense for you to repeatedly say I was cross tagging and that’s why you were mad, it’s very clear you were just mad because I said I shipped CanaJane and that clouded your judgement when reading everything else. If you wanna see real cross tagging look up any naruto ship and scroll for about 3 seconds. So, no I won’t be removing the tags because that makes no sense, but if it’s important enough for you to message me off anon then we’ll talk.

My final section of this response is how hypocritical you were. Like with he part, “I don’t hate you” To quote tiktok and nicki minaj, “don’t be tryna double back, I already despise you” 

As you can see you repeatedly said I was mean, but no where in my post did I say anything like “Mira x Laxus is gross, its toxic, its dumb, its...idk...forced!”, i literally never said anything like that because like I’ve said in this post and in that one, they’re cute and they had good development. You were the mean one in your response telling me i had “no reading skills whatsoever”, that i had a “lack of respect”,  said I’m “more than pitiful” and this isn’t mentioning all of your back handed pettiness throughout every single message you sent, you think you “look cool” but “hun”...”sweetie”...you just look dumb, but at least you are on anon!

Educate myself? girl this isn’t politics, you’re pressed over a post saying your ship deserved better than it got??? What am I supposed to do watch the anime, read the manga, well good thing I did. GUESS WHAT THEY HAD GOOD DEVELOPMENT i can see why you ship them. 

The only rude person here is you, you came into my asks and attacked me because you were blinded for reasons I can’t figure out, and you hid behind the anonymous setting which clearly means you don’t care that much about Miraxus, you just wanted to be mean. 

If you’re reading this, and you sent me the messages, message me off anonymous, then we can realistically talk about me taking off my so called cross tagging, I really don’t care that much, I’m just baffled you had to audacity to come for me so hard then “nicely” ask me to remove the tags. 

If you’re reading this and you didn’t send me these messages, thanks for reading, maybe share this so people understand that this behavior is not okay. I know what I got was mostly just petty ranting, but there are people who send way worse to others and its just not okay. Just because these aren’t are real accounts like these are fandom accounts doesn’t make it okay. Thanks! 

Here is the post in reference:

https://emillyjacksonn.tumblr.com/post/617804123843280896/miraxus-shippers-really-got-played

[rotationalsymmetry]

Ok, searching for “wellerman discourse” in tags got me there. Link here: x

Ok, so: it does say not to sing it, which I was somewhat cynically suspecting wasn’t even the case, but ok. It’s a post from a single 19 year old — there’s a ton of notes, but I didn’t slog through the comments to see how many were agreeing ... I’m guessing they tend towards arguing, given what I’ve seen from people who didn’t reblog the post.

The post suggests most people who’ve been listening to this don’t know the history. I suspect that’s very likely, especially since the versions I’ve run into are mostly just the chorus and don’t even include the verses.

The one person I was actually following who agreed with this person (the vast majority of posts I’ve seen disagree) I’ve since decided to unfollow, because I decided the ratio of arguing about things I’m already sold on vs new info was Not Good.

There is a broader issue, I think, which includes things like who gets to decide. I think a lot of the social justice world has come around to the idea that indigenous people get to decide about things like who gets to do their religious rituals — whether indigenous get to decide who gets to sing songs involving their history is not remotely the same question, but... it’s pretty easy for white people to talk over indigenous people on social media — in this case I had to specifically go looking for this post, even though I’ve been making an effort to follow blogs by indigenous people on indigenous issues — and it’s a lot easier to find eg posts by white people sayign things like “well, Maori people would have been among the people singing this song, so that means it’s fine” and...that’s not actually a good argument.

We need to seek right relationship. Right now, relations between colonizers and indigenous people are bad. Really bad. I don’t know that avoiding a specific song based on one person’s post is the best way to go about fixing that. But, some start needs to be made somewhere.

I’m reminded of a story I heard from a mother of a transracially adopted child, and the (adult or maybe teenaged, don’t remember) child asked her not to use a particular word. And her first reaction was, oh, that’s not what the etymology is. But the thing is, sometimes it doesn’t matter what the etymology is, what position is technically correct. What matters is treating people like people and repairing messed up relationships.

People know this when it’s one-on-one relationships — it’s hard to put it into practice, but I think most people know the principle. If you’re fighting over who’s right, you’re going to cause a whole lot of hurt feelings. You might “win” the fight, but you can’t win a happy relationship that way.

So, do you want to win an argument about a specific sea shanty. Or, do you want to make the world a better place. Because you can’t have both.

(And, good grief, I’m not (I am never) saying it’s a good idea to send anon hate to people posting about the song or whatever. That’s not making the world better either, that’s not repairing wrecked relationships.)

It’s complicated on tumblr, when sometimes being confrontational or controversial gets more notes, and people who are kind and nuanced don’t get as much attention.

...people always want it to be this really straightforward thing of “ok so either sharing tiktoks of this specific song is OK or it isn’t” and I don’t think it’s that simple. I think it’s important to treat it more like one on one interactions with someone you want to be on good terms with, you know? And in those cases, it’s often not about what you end up deciding to do so much as the process. I mean, what you do matters, but it is only part of what matters.

Are you asking or telling. Are you trying to understand. Are you listening or are you waiting for your turn to talk. Do you believe the other person has something worth saying.

I think the wellerman thing is more about it NOT explicitly talking about the Maori and colonialism, but I can’t TELL because I haven’t seen a single post actually criticizing the song directly, only posts responding to the criticism.