#oh and secrets from one of a kind
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tell me your favs in the tags 👀
#monsta x#polls#i'm very curious about this 👀#personally i'm 3#my favs are who do u love/someone's someone/middle of the night/u can't hold my heart/tied to ur body/whispers in the dark/blame me#oh and secrets from one of a kind
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a power of peace and healing//your bones run strong
I spent a very long time trying to work out a Stone design and I'm still not settled! I'm sure like my other humanizations of Fallen London entities, I'll come up with a few <3
#blood cw#gore cw#fallen london#fallen london spoilers#whoooo wants to hear my design thoughtsssssss okay so#I colour selected from her art. she's mostly brown but there's a pale peach colour I've chosen to adopt#I think pale orange/pink works well for stone! pastel is like a half colour innit. she's a half judgement. a softer light#she has 'mountain limbs' referenced there's no reason to give her only two#esp since one of her parents is a crab. they're kinda hooved/claws/roots to reflect both her and baz#the outfit and part of the pastels is also that Stone is.... a princess kind of. i wanted to invoke that!#no one would call her this but the idea of 'maiden hidden where she can't be seen secret child of the king' is like. Her#maidens locked away often have pointy hats too. like mountains. solved it. all the neath mysteries. i won#she has cracked and the wound obviously because. folks. stop mining her! stop seeking immortality!! CHILL!!!#she's PROBABLY HAS cursed people but she's overall all ALRIGHT and in a TOUGH SITUATION okay. her dad fucking yeeted her into the dirt#oh she has tears of flint on her face. chose orange eyes bc Remembered Sunlight and blue for the Sky. half-lidded because half-sun.#as the monarch of monsters and princess of Shame I wanted her to look notably Different while not being the biggest deal of the design#you will probably notice the wound before the many odd legs or singular arm. she's way more human than my baz designs too#bc like. ONE WAY you can interpret Stone is to place her in Victorian London. The king has a bastard he is ashamed of at birth and hides he#anyway. other stone ideas are much more garden themed. cat themed. put her in a cat sweater
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Alright, you definitely should have listened to the village elders this time. Wandering too deep into the forest was a bad idea. They could have been more specific about what “too deep” meant though.
All you wanted to do was see if there were any valuable herbs in the area. You had heard rumors that if you went slightly beyond the usual reach of the villagers, a little to the west, you would find ingredients for most potential of healing potions. You didn’t think heeding the advice would cost you much; it was supposed to be only a little further, right? But which way was west again…
Before you knew it, you had gotten lost. Of course, forests always looked somewhat the same, but after 20 years of living in the same village, you came to recognize the areas you had always played, worked, and relaxed in. A tree that bent a little to the left; that boulder that looked like a fist without a thumb; the lightning-struck tree trunk, too heavy to be moved, blocking what used to be a path. You knew when you were near your home by the atmosphere alone.
And now you recognized nothing you saw.
It wasn’t dark yet - wouldn’t be for a long time - but you were still getting the shivers of being outside at night. This part of the forest was creepy. You didn’t know how else to describe it - threatening? It felt like something was out to get you. Or for that matter, anyone foolish enough to disturb the peace of whatever dwelled inside.
You stopped. Turned to look back — had you seen wrong? You must have — and turned back ahead. There was... It was like there was a line drawn on the ground. A border.
You looked to your right, then left. No, it really was… as strange as it seemed, it was clearly a huge circle. You were standing just outside it.
And everything inside was dead.
The grass was sickly, pale yellow, almost white, like after a scorching hot summer with too little rain. Trees gray and bare, bark flaking, crispy leaves lying sadly on the ground. Thousands of insect carcasses everywhere, a couple of dead birds and — oh no — a lone rabbit. All completely lifeless. How could this be?
You took a step back. Was this maybe… The work of magic? A fiendish warlock wielding dark sorcery?
You didn’t know much about magic; there weren’t many capable of using it in your tiny village, and the mages you knew were neither malicious nor the tiniest bit adventurous with it. But it was the only explanation you could come up with. Nature couldn’t do this on its own.
You felt a rush of excitement at the thought. Magic had always fascinated you. With nobody around to teach the craft, you had abandoned the idea of pursuing it years ago, but… It was exhilarating seeing its impact. Foul as this magic was, it drew you in - and if nothing inside was alive, it couldn’t do you any harm either. You had come so far; why not investigate a little?
You had barely taken two steps on the lifeless grass when you heard a soft voice plead: “Don’t come closer.”
You froze. Had there been a person around? Was it a bandit? Or, wait, maybe they could help you find your way home-
“Please get away from me,” asked the stranger again, even more desperate this time. Their voice was getting raspier, breaking towards the end of the sentence. Whoever it was must have been either sick or grievously injured. Perhaps you would have to help them more than they could help you.
You squinted your eyes, and finally caught a glimpse of a figure behind two trees.
He looked around your age. But not in such good health, as you had suspected. He was holding onto the tree, hunching, and the distance between you wasn't enough to hide the tremble of his hands or the hollowness in his eyes.
"Please, " he repeated, each word weaker yet more fearful than the last. "I can only bring misery. You must leave while you still can!"
His fear was contagious. You couldn't fight the shiver running along your spine nor the cold sweat erching your brow. It was like even the Sun knew better than to approach this self-proclaimed harbinger.
But you had always been too curious for your own good, much to your mother's chagrin. Weren't you an apprentice in the art of medicine? Wasn't this stranger in clear need of help? You couldn't just leave him alone to rot in his miserable circle of decay.
You forced a smile - sort of - and took a step closer. The stranger grabbed his face, screamed, and collapsed on his knees. You saw white and felt a strong gust of wind knock you off your feet.
And then there was nothing.
#my stuff#creative writing#original fiction#well. kind of#you see i used to write and take requests for x reader fics back in the day#this is. a rejected zeref x reader.#life zeref from fairy tail.#i wroteca little and thought oh boy scoob there's like no way i can make this even remotely romantic#so i left it to gather dust for years#then a zine i was applying to asked for a sample that wasn't published anywhere yet (if memory serves..?#did i just interpret it that way somehow...)#and i decided to vacuum the shit out of this one. make it fantasy. commit to the unhappy ending#i think it came out nicely :>#((WAIT I SHOULD SPECIFY. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE ZINE I JUST REBLOGGED ABOUT. THIS ONE WAS A YEAR OR TWO AGO))#me? not writing contemporary realism? it's more likely than you think#((it isn't. don't expect more))#it's secret santa season meaning I'm feverishly writing anything but my assignment#man i wrote SUCH a good Yosuke-centric fic in my head last night. such potent and evocative prose.#but alas it was already an hour past my bed time in a weekday so i couldn't write it down immediately#and it was lost to time....#i only remember the bare bones idea...#the tags are a part in theyr own again. good bye#second person narration
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on that note had also been thinking about the hilarious classic maneuver of taking things i go "smh always doing that weird/wrong" & instead putting it in the context of like oh i dunno my life experiences. like going "smh once again in one millisecond i noticed something was about to fall & just sort of Tensed instead of instantly going to catch it & in the next milliseconds hash out like 'oh but could i catch it. oh but now it's in progress am i too late' etc" but like well hang on. first of all the Tense Up / Brace For Impact approach can have its strengths too. second of all like why just kick myself when Of Course the vastly more frequent & relevant experiences of having to stifle reactions & tense up to Brace For Impact / Weather The Situation means that's the standard approach. sure tends to be the case that like "okay test your reflex time :)" type things when i Know It's Coming, i.e. preemptively Tense Up, i turn out quite slow. throwback to a true classic [my roommate that said my cat was performative while their cat did things out of true emotion] at my doctor's appointment at like age thirteen when the ol Knee Bonk Reflex Test would make me Tense/Seize That Knee Up and Then kick. and then afterwards my "big fan of unprompted criticisms / declarations about your internal experiences or true intentions" mom was like you were faking those reflexes. i'm like well i wasn't. she was like yes you were. consider the camera jimmed
secondly i was also thinking like, always been the case that when Talking, often even if in writing format, i can't really avoid mirroring the characteristics of the other person's Style / Patterns lol. was thinking about it in my Relative ease of adopting pronunciations for different language's phonemes when it's like, i guess i do have experience in Doing Voices not b/c i really often Did Voices (sometimes lol, as like, direct quotes or whatever. echoing....) but b/c like i'll just be picking up all kinds of mannerisms / tendencies / ways of speaking, including accents slightly (my default accent being disney channel) not b/c i'm messing with anyone or trying to do anything, in fact trying Not to do this is generally unsuccessfully & This Is What Happens Naturally & always has & it's like yknow what i think it might have to do with the fact that i don't think Talking in general is oh so "natural" for me / a matter of "just being myself" (things virtually never are lol) like. i think that time i had that friend in second grade where i'm like ummm i'm not sure we spoke the same language b/c i'm not sure we spoke hardly ever? but we had fun & played & amused ourselves etc til the teacher as usual went Biggest Time Sicko Mode on our "not paying attention" like nobody else's got & then didn't give a fuck abt "intervening" again when we didn't feel like we were Allowed(tm) to interact at all. & like i'm pretty sure i'd be "supposed" to feel like omg we don't talk (almost) at all?? that's SO weirrrd i remember that soooo welllll
and when i Do talk most "naturally" / "just being myself" it's all at once, wordy, and Theatrical, and even then. i did it some the other day and was Sweating, literally, less so figuratively but it does still feel demanding, and of course even when it doesn't Feel thusly, doing a Lot a lot of verbalizing can really still be draining to Taxing. and i've noticed better like yeah sometimes i'm markedly struggling to speak when i'm already extra wearied. and another thing i put into context better was like "when i'm being put tf through it why do i tend to cry through interactions. b/c i'm being a PUSSY????" like lol just on principle was like okay well who cares, i'm sure you, by which i mean i, have my reasons b/c so too would i think someone else does, like. and i remember like, i tend to Not "directly" cry of stress or sadness virtually ever. while i Do tend to be simply keeping that shit contained but Exactly When i have to try to speak? is when i happen to start crying. hmm. Hmmmm. talking Always this performance that i may often not be up for. similar to [personal visual style / Look / clothes] like my default is "basic outfit i'd want to wear every day" & my ideal is "i do not want to be perceived" & (this &) everything else is performance / drag to me, Would That that always be on my terms
another banger is my till oh so recently kicking myself like "aah [pathologization time] i'm sooo slow to be at ease / comfortable around people even when they're surely being nice, what a hassle for others" like well it can be viewed as a hassle for me but it's also like, wait, i end up having stayed uncomfortable around people who weren't being That nice by putting in That much [any effort from any Consideration] and often turn out like. ultimately not that Safe. and i look at "oh right yeah and also i sure Can be like instantly quite comfortable / at ease around people, including people i literally just met. so" &/or my not being at ease either is still way less of a deal than having to literally/figuratively sweat it while i'd feel so much more Okay avoiding detection much less interaction
#speaking of b/c like ''um just talk to someone'' There May Not Be Any ''Just'' Abt Any Mode Of Communication#ableism everywhere? lack of consideration? there's no ''Just'' being in public or around Anyone or in Any kind of interaction??#shit about the ''''work'''' of Hard(tm) Conversations With Friends like that's oh you know; literally personal. it Needs Specific Context#saying contextless shit about ''ohh nobody wants to Work for marriages i mean dating i mean family i mean friendships anymoreee''#like that is Meaninglessly vague & removed from context as mentioned#& my god will that result in the Sample Provided: Ambient Ableism / Abuse Culture#these godforsaken Pathologized [experiences of abuse] [experiences of being disabled] havers Ruining My Life / being bad people....#anyway as always. i will talk A Ton more than most are willing to process much less acknowledge. i will also Not Talk more than most#will tolerate either. ppl think I Never Talk or that b/c i'm not talking hardly ever this is the only way that i can be. lol#other things ''parent who makes things up about you And loves to drop unsolicited criticisms / boundary issues'' like a favorite one#was that when i was learning to write i ''drew'' letters initially. as opposed to doing True Writing. like#also of course that i was always ''shy'' vs keeping to myself / not liking 'Unstructured' Play b/c like#yeah no shit i know there's Secret Structures/Rules i don't do ''right.'' i know it's not safe to just do whatever around adults or peers.#yes even when the peers are three or four. learning shit speedrun From Birth; old enough to ostracize & reproduce ''norms'' no prob lol
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had a dream where i was only nominally in charge of the narrative. it was my dream but some characters would punish me for it. as the dream went on more and more people i knew in real life, people i didn’t “create” left the story as other characters bled into it. it was still a dream so it’s not like i had any real control to begin with. woah .the consequences.
#why did Burn lash out at me so extremely by the end#I guess you can’t make someone a punky and volatile person without them wanting to rebel#the dreamer#the only real authority in the dream#but I also didn’t really make him anything#it was a dream#I just woke up so I want to remember this in some way#I haven’t been smoking weed on this trip#the first time in maybe a decade I’ve had such a break and my dreams are back in full force#I’ve woken my gf up kind of yelling in my sleep at the start#it’s been a strange part of this trip#like oh boy that was some fun sightseeing#now for the secret battle of the subconscious I’ve been waging at night#at least I got to see my loved ones dance#only in a dream though#that classic hollow feeling after waking from a dram where something you really want to happen happened#even if you paid for it in the end#I’m so tired#personal#sure
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i've said it before and i'll say it again: the descriptions of disability and the accommodations are amazing, but can we pls have more consequences of vi's badassery :)
#🗲 ── ❛ 𝑭𝑹𝑶𝑴 𝑻𝑯���� 𝑨𝑹𝑪𝑯𝑰𝑽𝑬𝑺 ❜ ─ ooc.#from one disabled girlie to another: how are you not exhausted pls tell me your secrets#i feel like the consequences kind of taper off and just become 'oh no i had to wrap my joint again'#and that it's all down to her joints being funky#but there's no other traits or symptoms??
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o boy new life series cant wait to Stop Watching As Soon As Someone Permadies
#i dont need more tragedy sorry. but i DO want to see what stupid shit they cook up in there#i need to root for tango also. maybe he'll uh. well. end of sentence.#its kind of a shame im too much of a sap to enjoy em bc theyre truly goldmines for Ideas. y'all have fun for me ok?#life series#secret life spoilers#life series spoilers#footnotes#why are skizz and tango like a bonded pair of birds. god i hope bdubs joins them i want to see that disaster. im rly sad cleo bailed#the heart theme is SO CUTE and will probably stop being cute very fast but SHHH OUTFITS#also i WISH i could be excited abt new watcher subclass symbol dropping but i can Feel the grian fandom being bastards with it#ah yes another morally ambiguous figure who follows their own rules and judges very fairly from that basis-#oh youre making them evil. ok. yeah so theyre the new twisted sicko in charge of the life games even though thats Literally Just Grian. ok.#i have not and will not actually verify if this is what is being said BUT this is one time i would LOVE to be wrong#maybe my curse of saying something abt hermitcraft that immediately becomes false will work out in my favor for once? please? hello?#but yes i will not look and this is tags instead of a post bc truly. i need to get over myself. i Wont but at least i can quarantine it
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so no furina story quest 2 :((
#personal stuff#delete later#AUUUGH.#i guess since she isn't technically an archon she'll get one at the same time as everyone else. but no neuvillette quest either??#we don't get to dive deeper into the previous hydro archon or anything?#no spices from the west either... what's the point of this update even#kidding. dainsleif quest at last. oh my god#looked like remuria during the trailer?#also i am simultaneously getting immernachtreich and hexenzirkel vibes from certain places in the trailer. hmm#SPOTTED ALBEDO'S FLOWER ON THE STAINED GLASS#OHHH SHIT. SIBLINGS. HOORAY [afraid]#okay i thought we would go back to remuria for the dain quest but it DOES make more sense to go back to sumeru with its links to khaenri'ah#oh my god the eng pronunciations of these names are killing me. i have never heard them said like this before <//3#but yea sigewinne and clorinde look nice :]#sethos!!!!#love him.#he's traveling!! visiting sumeru city!!!#interesting to me that he was a spear user in the story quest but now he uses a bow#hermanubis took my polearm proficiency can't have shit in the temple of silence#was kind of hoping we'd at least get the polearm he used to flesh out that weapon set#aww the animation looks nice. kind of hate that they're leaning so far into the ''aether as the mc'' thing but whatever. it's fine#SECRET ROOM IN THE MONDSTADT LIBRARY. HEXENZIRKEL DESIGN DETAILS. LET'S GOO#OH IT'S PERMANENT? WOOO#i don't even care abt the rewards for the most part i'm more excited by the hexenzirkel implications and getting to go to mondstadt#natlan teaser wooo. i'm not. super excited about any kind of mount system i'll be 100% honest#maybe i'll change my mind on release but like. i did not love the sorush system#i enjoy exploring as Me and My Characters. idk#i really hope we at least get gourmet supremos. christ. we didn't see them at all in fontaine
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standing here in my star-patterned bathrobe holding a stylus while inscribing something onto my computer. it's wizard time baby
#just me hi#my mom came into the room n saw me doing all that + starting laughing and saying 'you look like a wizard' so i have achieved the Pinnacle#of my existence hhvsbhhfsv#my n my starry bathrobe on our way to cast spells (writing in a language no one can understand (regular handwriting) and portraying strange#otherworldly begins (drawing wet cat OCs))#/i should draw this though because it Is kind of silly now that i think about it#i'm a wizard >:3 my potions are store-bought and taste like cherry dr perpper and my spells are free from my brain#my runes? uhhh have you ever heard of drawing warmups ??#i lay out simple curses and it's words that make no sense and characters i actually talk about in secret like a little troll forgetting#other people can hear it Hfbhsv#my tower is whatever i'm standing on at the moment. which is a kneeling pad rn Lol :3#//which btw kneeling pads are Awesome for nearly everything#Except for sitting because everything will still hurt and maybe More than it did before Lmaooo#but like after a bit of standing it Sucks standing up and the kneeling pad is really good at helping me redistribute the weight doing that#ik it's better to stand than to sit but dude it blows so much harder hfhsbvhf#i am taking damage on all sides and with nearly every method but oh!! i will find a proper system well enough !!!#//anyway i think i want to get a wizard hat now lol :3#maybe a blue one!! i like blue :>>#//yea though i'm almost done with this ref!! !!!!#love it when things go smoothly. wheeee :D#i gotta add a couple things and then colour + shade + effects cuz i'll Die without my effects hfvbsh#really i learned how to do that little glitch thing and now i just can't go back lol :>#trying out new ways + new layer settings all the time so ~!~#//but YEA gonna get to that and then other things and stuffs!! you know :3#so tooooodles ~+~ !!
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2 & 5 for the oc list plzzzz!!
2) Who's your OCs best friend? How did they become best friends?:
Jean's best friend is Stan! She is well aware she will never be his best friend because that spot is for Kyle. (You can have more than one best friend dummy.)
But that's her boy! She will do absolutely everything in her power to make sure Stan succeeds in life! Jean has such faith in that boy!
As for how they became friends, Sharon ended up babysitting Jean a lot when she was little. After Jean's parents passed (spoilers), she was taken in by her God mother. Unfortunately, she's never home so she ends up paying Sharon to watch Jean. So she kind of ended up being raised by the woman. Sharon is the closest thing to a parental figure Jean has until she's sixteen.
Because of that, she was practically raised with Stan and he hated it! Hated having to bring her around, hated it because it was forced! Eventually, the two end up growing close, both finding love in sports and music. They play guitar together a lot and Stan is honestly the only person Jean feels like she can be vulnerable with.
Where she doesn't need to be happy, fun Jean. She can be sad and broken because he gets it.
5) Do you ship your OC with a Canon character? If so, who?
Not fucking Stan that's for sure! I've had a few of you guys ask me if they're supposed to get together. No. Absolutely not.
It's Kyle. I ship Jean with Kyle because he's got everything she admires in a person. He is strong-willed, has the drive to do the right thing, and gets things done. He is not afraid to express how he feels, and she was really close with him once.
But she'll never act on those feelings. Mostly because she doesn't think she's good enough for him and that she'll just end up dragging him down. He'll make something of himself, be successful. Jean doesn't believe she'll ever leave South Park, and she doesn't wanna hold him back. So, no matter how bad it hurts, she'll just smile and be happy with being his friend.
Also I guess she has a thing for gingers?
(Kyle really does attract these sad little losers doesn't he?)
#oc ask meme#ask game#oc#oc lore#shipping questions???#oh boy!#I was kind of afraid of answering this one.#but I love talking about my stupid shit so#I woke up from my nap and saw this!#thanks so much anon#i do for you anon#anon ask#shhh its a secret
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Might be strange sounding, but the card reveals/banlists always come in 2 different perspectives for me, irrelevant of which banlist I'm playing under; because I write fics, I have to contend with the banlist at times (a majority of the time it's based on the sort of half-tcg, half-ocg Master Duel banlist with Anime Specific Additions.)
So when new cards come out I have to judge them not only by what I can figure out from their effects and traits (combined with what's currently meta, and if there's anything that wants to play the new cards, whilst being mindful of banlist differences), I also have the joy of internally discussing the value of a deck when its in a fictional setting.
I don't think anyone normally thinks about if a deck's theme is strong enough to tie a character to it, let alone if a deck's theme is too strong and tying a character to it is like Akihiko Sanada's obsession with protein in anything that isn't mainline persona (Like the Q games.)
Also makes engines less appealing.
#marwospeaking#Mikan plays Xyz-based Harpies. Manon plays Ashened. and Risa plays Memento trying to pretend its not a fusion deck#are these good decks? maybe only Memento. Do they fit the characters? surprisingly yes#Mikan's kind of like. pretty to look at. but not fun to interact with in any way. Manon wants to set her cell on fire (out of frustration)#and Risa's memory is so spotty she has zero idea who she is besides very basic details like her name (and how to play Memento main deck)#If you asked me to build someone who plays Despia. I could. If you asked me to build someone who plays Snake Eye. I could not.#Primoredial? sure! White Woods? maybe! Raizeol? ...sure. great archetype for engineers/mechanics?#Goblin Biker? Sure! Sky Striker? ehhh maybe? Fiendsmith? No. Yubel? ... only they play themself I'm fairly certain#These aren't really inspiring decks (the current meta ones I mean) in a way you'd really want for a character deck#(Kashtira wasn't either. admittedly)#They're small collections of cards that play half their deck as staples. what the hell kind of character can you build from that??#Before anyone asks. Mimighoul I could absolutely make a character for (in the same vein as Flip Turner). same with poor Tistina#Fiendsmith's theme is obviously strong. Its just one of Those kinds of decks where either everything else is powercrept. or it feels..#.. too small of a deck to do anything interesting with going pure with a few techs for the character#(some characters don't play pure. but when they do; those decks get combined support. Ojama Armed Dragon for example)#(Odd-eyes Performapal Magician and Onomats are the two others I can think of that do this. Yusei's pile does not count)#Another issue is when you have a set victor for a duel. but one character has a deck that's a calibre above what the victor will be using..#.. like Trickstar vs Cyberse Pile (might be multiple calibres). It becomes either not very fun or a very ass-pull looking victory#worse if it's a plot point duel with a lot of weight. even worse when it's too early on for 'oh they've grown as a duellist'#I'm rambling. anyway point is Secret Card Analysis Type: Fic Writer That Writes Duels
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slowly realising that i genuinely don’t have any super close friends any more
#the closest friends i have are from my primary school#i haven’t seen any of them in months except for bella#who i saw for 15 minutes then had to leave#we don’t talk except for on a gc#and i have friends at school#just#none of them would think of me when asked who their closest friends are#i have friends#my friend group is huge#i’m just not really close with anybody#which is kind of weird to me because i have a constant need to be wanted#idk#this sounds so bitchy and self centred and selfish#but i sit at school and watch everybody walking around laughing about inside jokes and pulling each other aside for secret conversations#and i just feel like i’m missing out on so much#i’m sorry this sounds so bitchy#i should be happy jsut with having friends and having an incredible partner#i just feel like i am no one’s favourite person#and i feel like no one would tell people outside of school that ‘oh my god i have this really close friend alex and they’re like my bsf’#no one would say that about me#maybe it’s a good thing at this point#i have hurt and fucked up with nearly every single friendship i’ve ever had
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this is just a random thought ive had in the back of my mind when i first got into yellowjackets so be nice but like. something something jackie & shauna are quinn fabray variants (to ME) and quinn is somehow a combination of jackieshauna's worst individual traits
#shauna shipman#jackie taylor#jackieshauna#this came from the glee yj tweets i looked up for funsies when i was getting into yj and ive chuckled @ the shackie quinn ones#but u know with enough time i started thinking about it way too much#i have lots of Thoughts but my thesis statement is this:#prone to being extremely harsh (on herself & others) which can lead to making the worst life decisions ever [Shauna]#+ “pretty perfect highschool queen” whose really reliant on the (superficial) expectations of everyone/the social order [Jackie]#= quinn fabray#like if u were assigning yj girls to glee chars you can kind of slot jackieshauna in quinn for wildly different reasons#its just really funny. frankly hilarious to me. this is very niche but if it hits an audience then wooo#if j&s watched glee theyre fave character would be quinn for Very different reasons its true they told me#& shauna would be a secret hater about it lowkey because she'd assume jackie doesn't get the parts of Quinn that shauna relates to#while jackie? shes just losing her mind over every s2 faberry moment#comphet lesbian AND pregnant cheater bitch oh quinn fabray what can't you do#but yeah. yeah#if you read all this i appreciate u.#ignore the typos 😒
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girls when they finish watching dead poets society
#im unwell im so unwell#ok spoilers for anyone who hasnt seen this movie look away. im please at myself for predicting how neil would die#bc i only knew one of the boys would kill himself but from like the first 5 minutes i gathered it had to be neil then i think#during the play i thought he should shoot himself with a gun lo and behold#um well i feel shivery i have literal goosebumps. i want to text my best friend to never kill herself i want to cry#but also yall lied to me this movie isnt that gay. well it is gay but not because of neil and todd#its gay because its a movie about a group of people who are passionate for and live for the arts and poetry and literature and thats what#makes the movie gay. NOT ethan hawke and robert sean leonard's identical faces#i also thought it would be more sinister ie mr keating would be more like julian morrow from the secret history but no. so there is that#overall yeah this was totally worth procrastinating my editorial work#+ one last thing . when neil said i was good i was really good my hands flew to my face like oh he did that#he foreshadowed the foreshadowing and am i a huge sucker for this kind of thing#ok. ramble over goodbye im gonna go cry now#🫀
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had the most miserable experience today.
#Got invited to the party of someone I know and like well enough. And it ended up being a lot of people younger than me which is fine#But I also felt a little left out#And it wasnt like the kind of younger than me where they like need help playing the games and stuff#Oh also all of them were from a church youth group so that adds something#And I wanted to leave at 5:30. But my sister wanted to stay a while longer so we stayed.#And somehow my brother showed up#Well I know how he got there but he wasnt supposed to come#But I had to wait even longer since there were then 3 people I had to take home. But my brother told me he wanted us to go to the store to#buy a plushie for his girlfriend#Which on the surface is very cute. But it actually sucks bc his girlfriend is a secret.#And on the way to the store. I already wanted to go home but the party host called my sister bc my sibling left their phone at the party#And my sister said 'oh we will just turn around' but I was eager to get home and I said to the sibling who lost their phone that they shoul#pay me a couple buck s for the gas to make a return trip to the party. Also I had eaten a cookie that was contaminated somehow while I was#driving so here I was trying to coordinate getting the phone back and also trying to not ingest the rancid tasting cookie AND trying todriv#And I ended up hitting the curb loudly while getting into the parking lot at the store. My sibling who lost their phone got out of the car#And started to walk away. I raced after them and they told me that they were just going to go home#I told them no way in hell was I letting them go in the dark by themselves with no phone. They did agree to come back with the rest of us.#but very grudgingly#We got the plush of fucking course he picked the most massive one. And I had to pay bc he didnt have cash on him. And I cant even vent to m#mom abt this bc explaining this would mean letting out abt my brothers girlfriend and he already fucking hates me so that would only make y#Life worse. And I dont know how he has a girlfriend bc he is so mean to me and I dont know why anyone would find him compelling#And hes 5 years younger than me and I've never dated. I'm not exactly in a rush to date but I'd like to have SOME experience.#And hes been dating her for a while too. I told him he cant just have this covered for him forever hes gonna have to come clean one day#And so I'm reeling and having an awful time mentally bc I think I've severely hurt the feelings of the one sibling who likes me#And I had to go to the store when I really just wanted to go home and I had my sister giving pointed comments abt my decisions and the fact#Might have been poisoned by a rancid cookie and I have no one to tell abt this and to top it all off I feel like none of them even understa#How incredibly stressful and awful this made me feel#I am simply not going to take them places for the next month unless I absolutely have to#Bc thats the only power I have in this situation#Also my most minor guilt is I set out to post less vents on tumblr. And this is a vent so :(
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No. No, it couldn't have been a dream The escape, Rowan, the ship to Terrasen—
A dream. An illusion. Her escape from him, from Maeve, had been another illusion.
Had she said it? Had she said where the Keys were hidden?
Then a cool, cultured voice purred, "All that training, and this is what becomes of you?" Not real. Arobynn, standing on the other side of the altar, was not real.
"Even Sam held out better than this."
Fenrys snarled.
You could get out of these chains, if you really wanted," Arobynn said, frowning with distaste. "If you really tried."
No, she couldn't, and everything had been a dream, a lie.
"You let yourself remain captive. Because the moment you are free..." Arobynn chuckled. "Then you must offer yourself up, a lamb to slaughter."
Only hearing the King of the Assassins, unseen and unnoted beside her.
"Deep down, you're hoping you'll be here long enough that the young King of Adarlan will pay the price. Deep down, you know you're hiding here, waiting for him to clear the path." Arobynn leaned against the side of the altar, cleaning his nails with a dagger. "Deep down, you know it's not really fair, that those gods picked you. That Elena picked you instead of him. She bought you time to live, yes, but you were still chosen to pay the price. Her price And the gods'?"
Arobynn ran a long-fingered hand down the side of her face. "Do you see what I tried to spare you from all these years? What you might have avoided had you remained Celaena, remained with me?" He smiled. "Do you see, Aelin?"
She could not answer. Had no voice. Cairn hit bone, and—
Aelin lunged upward, hands grasping for her thigh. No chains weighed her. No mask smothered her. No dagger had been twisted into her body. Breathing hard, the scent of musty sheets clinging to her nose, the sounds of her screaming replaced by the drowsy chirping of birds, Aelin scrubbed at her face.
The prince who'd fallen asleep beside her was already running a hand down her back in silent, soothing strokes.
A dream. Just a dream.
She twisted, setting her feet to the threadbare carpet on the uneven wood floor.
"Dawn isn't for another hour," Rowan said.
Yet Aelin reached for her shirt. "I'll get warmed up, then." Maybe run, as she had not been able to do in weeks and weeks.
Rowan sat up, missing nothing. "Training can wait, Aelin." They'd been doing it for weeks now, as thorough and grueling as it had been at Mistward.
She shoved her legs into her pants, then buckled on her sword belt.
"No, it can't."
A gathering storm to the north had forced their ship to find harbor last night—and after weeks at sea, none of them had hesitated to spend a few hours on land. To learn what in hell had happened while they'd been gone.
The answer: war.
Everywhere, war raged. But where the fighting occurred, the aging innkeeper didn't know. Boats didn't stop at the port anymore— and the great warships just sailed past. Whether they were enemy or friendly, he also didn't know.
Aelin scowled. "What." It wasn't so much of a question as demand.
His gaze was unfaltering. As it had been when she'd returned from her run through the misty fields beyond the inn and found him leaning against the apple tree. "That's enough for today."
"We've hardly started." She lifted her blade.
Rowan kept his own lowered. "You barely slept last night."
Aelin tensed. "Bad dreams." An understatement. She lifted her chin and threw him a grin. "Perhaps I'm starting to wear you down a bit."
His canines gleamed. "You need to eat."
"I need to train."
She couldn't stop it-that need to do something. To be in motion.
No matter how many times she swung her blade, she could feel them. The shackles. And whenever she paused to rest, she could feel it, too—her magic. Waiting.
Indeed, it seemed to open an eye and yawn.
She clenched her jaw, and attacked again Rowan met each blow, and she knew her maneuvers were descending into sloppiness.
Knew he let her continue rather than seizing the many openings to end it.
She couldn't stop. War raged around them People were dying. And she had been locked in that damned box, had been taken apart again and again, unable to do anything.
Rowan struck, so fast she couldn't track it. But it was the foot he slid before her own that doomed her, sending her careening into the dirt.
"I win," he panted. "Let's eat."
Aelin glared up at him. "Another round."
Rowan just sheathed his sword. "After breakfast."
She growled. He growled right back.
"Don't be stupid," he said. "You'll lose all that muscle if you don't feed your body. So eat. And if you still want to train afterward, I'll train with you." He offered her a tattooed hand.
But Aelin said, "People are dying. In Terrasen. In-everywhere. People are dying, Rowan."
"Your eating breakfast isn't going to change that." Her lips curled in a snarl, but he cut her off. "I know people are dying. We are going to help them. But you need to have some strength left, or you won't be able to."
Truth. Her mate spoke truth. And yet she could see them, hear them. Those dying, frightened people. Whose screams so often sounded like her own.
Rowan wriggled his fingers in silent reminder. Shall we?
Aelin scowled and took his hand, letting him haul her to her feet. So pushy.
Rowan slid an arm around her shoulders. That's the most polite thing you've ever said about me.
Elide's eyes widened. Widened further as he opened his mouth, and took a bite. His swallow was audible. His cringe barely contained. Elide reined in her smile at the pure misery that entered the Lion's tawny stare. Aelin and Rowan had been finishing up a similar battle when she'd entered the taproom minutes ago, the queen wishing her luck before striding back into the courtyard.
Elide hadn't seen her sit still for longer than it took to eat a meal. Or during the hours when she'd instructed them in Wyrdmarks, after Rowan had requested she teach them.
It had gotten her out of the chains, the prince had explained. And if the ilken were resistant to their magic, then learning the ancient marks would come in handy with all they faced ahead. The battles both physical and magic.
Gavriel met her stare, and Elide again restrained her laugh.
She felt, rather than saw, Lorcan enter. The innkeeper instantly found somewhere else to be. The man hadn't been surprised to see five Fae enter his inn last night, so his vanishing whenever Lorcan appeared was certainly due to the glower the male had perfected.
Indeed, Lorcan took one look at Elide and Gavriel and left the dining room.
They'd barely spoken these weeks. Elide hadn't known what to even say. A member of this court. Her court. Forever.
He and Aelin certainly hadn't warmed toward each other. No, only Rowan and Gavriel really spoke to him. Fenrys, despite his promise to Aelin not to fight with Lorcan, ignored him most of the time. And Elide ... She'd made herself scarce often enough that Lorcan hadn't bothered to approach her.
Good. It was good. Even if she sometimes found herself opening her mouth to speak to him. Watching him as he listened to Aelin's lessons on the Wyrdmarks. Or while he trained with the queen, the rare moments when the two of them weren't at each other's throats.
Aelin had been returned to them. Was recovering as best she could.
Elide didn't taste her next bite of porridge. Gavriel, thankfully, said nothing. And Anneith didn't speak, either. Not a whisper of guidance. It was better that way. To listen to herself. Better that Lorcan kept his distance, too.
Whether the others knew what propelled her, they hadn't said a word. Aelin sheathed Goldryn and loosed a long breath. Deep down, her power grumbled. She flexed her fingers. Maeve's cold, pale face flashed before her eyes. Her magic went silent.
Fenrys sat in wolf form at the edge of the nearest field, staring out across the expanse.
Precisely where he'd been before dawn.
She let him hear her steps, his ears twitching. He shifted as she approached, and leaned against the half-rotted fence surrounding the field.
"Who'd you piss off to get the graveyard shift?" Aelin asked, wiping the sweat from her brow.
Fenrys snorted and ran a hand through his hair. "Would you believe I volunteered for it?" She arched a brow. He shrugged, watching the field again, the mists still clinging to its farthest reaches. "I don't sleep well these days." He cut her a sidelong glance. "I don't suppose I'm the only one."
She picked at the blister on her right hand, hissing. "We could start a secret society-for people who don't sleep well."
"As long as Lorcan isn't invited, I'm in."
Aelin huffed a laugh. "Let it go."
His face turned stony. "I said I would."
"You clearly haven't."
"I'll let it go when you stop running yourself ragged at dawn."
"I'm not running myself ragged. Rowan is overseeing it."
"Rowan is the only reason you're not limping everywhere."
Truth. Aelin curled her aching hands into fists and slid them into her pockets. Fenrys said nothing didn't ask why she didn't warm her fingers. Or the air around them. He just turned to her and blinked three times. Are you all right?
A gull's cry pierced the gray world, and Aelin blinked back twice. No. It was as much as she'd admit. She blinked again, thrice now. Are you all right?
Two blinks from him, too. No,
They were not alright.
They might never be. If the others knew, if they saw past the swagger and temper, they didn't let on.
None of them commented that Fenrys hadn't once used his magic to leap between places. Not that there was anywhere to go in the middle of the sea. But even when they sparred, he didn't wield it. Perhaps it had died with Connall. Perhaps it had been a gift they had both shared, and touching it was unbearable.
She didn't dare peer inward, to the churning sea inside her. Couldn't.
Aelin and Fenrys stood by the field as the sun arced higher, burning off the mists.
Aelin shook her head. Another dream, or hallucination. "If she's on our heels with this army, I'm just ... trying to understand it. Her, I mean."
"You plan to kill her." The gruel in her stomach turned over, but Aelin shrugged. Even as she tasted ash on her tongue.
"Would you prefer to do it?"
"I'm not sure I'd survive it," he said through his teeth. "And you have more of a reason to claim it than I do."
"I'd say we have an equal claim."
His dark eyes roved over her face. "Connall was a better male than—than how you saw him that time. Than what he was in the end."
She gripped his hand and squeezed. "I know."
The last of the mists vanished. Fenrys asked quietly, "Do you want me to tell you about it?" He didn't mean his brother.
She shook her head. "I know enough." She surveyed her cold, blistered hands. "I know enough," she repeated.
#Chapter 44#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Aelin Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#Fenrys#Rowaelin#Throne of Glass series#no spoilers please this is my first read to read along with me there will be book & chapter spoilers in post & tags with more in tags etc.#Fenrys and Aelin#the Mistward references are getting me man everytime they go full circle ow my soul but aw my heart but ahh my brain#YOU DID NOT JUST REFERENCE SAM CORTLAND IN COMPARISON OH MY GODS MY SOUL IM DEAD NOW HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US BB GIRL NO#the fact she can’t tell reality from nightmare because of Maeve is truly so cruel and utterly heartbreaking#the fact Cairn uses her name oh hell no it hurts on another level and the horror each time Rowan the ship a dream an illusion I didn’t brea#the fact she’s worried about if she gave up the keys then Terrasen better be kind to her now or else#Not real. the fact it’s almost a comfort to see him in horror because at least she knows it’s a nightmare with Arobynn#that’s why the little folk also worked because Maeve doesn’t know that part of the story to twist in the first place cause she isn’t an hei#the way Rowan is already there rubbing her back waiting for her on the run Fenrys is right he’s all that’s keeping her#but even in the nightmare Fenrys is there please don’t make the name Rowan calling out what’s going on in reality no fire please#new blisters for a new body oh my heart breaks every time it’s giving white pig inn vibes babe got the braid back she’s trying but he knows#his gaze was unfaltering-which one said had dreams?-I miss the easier Mistward days#truth-the way Fenrys and Aelin are both finally honest that their not okay-she is one of her people-their brain talks are back#yes elide learning where marks-the lions tawny stare- oh Elide & Lorcy#HER court-better at a distance-what had Maeve done to her magic?-graveyard shift-they know-the fact he shifts for her so they can talk#the lil Lorcan jokes lol this cadre of hers-it’s also Fenrys magic-she knows Maeve is off-the power difference-no not another attack-hurry#but Aelin could walk away from it-her vs Maeve-bitch going down in the flames of the true queen bb#Her former master gave her a half smile. Even Sam held out better than this.#So pushy. Rowan slid an arm around her shoulders. That's the most polite thing you've ever said about me#We could start a secret society-for people who don't sleep well. As long as Lorcan isn't invited I'm in.#Rowan is the only reason you're not limping everywhere.
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