#without my main directive being attractive to men

[fortunatefool]

guys I know this is the homosexual website but I think I might actually be a homosexual for real now

[sundrop-writes]

Meddle About

Sub!Spencer Reid x Dom!Fem!Reader

‘Cause it's not just a figure of speech - you got me down on my knees.

It's gettin' harder to b r e a t h e .

Summary:

You hate it when Morgan teases Reid. So when Morgan says that you are Reid's 'Mommy' - you verbally fire back without even thinking about it.

Reid vastly overthinks it.

So much so that he ends up calling you Mommy by mistake. And you definitely don't hate the sound of that word coming off his lips.

Sub!Spencer Reid x Dom!Fem!Reader. Co-Workers to Lovers. Smut. Set during Season One.

Word Count: 6,300

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link

Detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: general smut fic - porn with some plot; dom/sub dynamics (but this isn't a pre-discussed dom/sub relationship, the characters just fall into these roles naturally), Spencer is submissive and the reader is dominant; the main theme is Mommy kink - Spencer discovers that he has a Mommy kink after a joke that Morgan makes, referring to the reader character as Spencer's Mommy; Spencer calls the reader 'Mommy' and the reader also refers to herself with that title; the reader uses she/her pronouns and has a vagina (and breasts); it could be interpreted that the reader has larger breasts/is plus sized (but I think anyone of any size could enjoy this fic); the reader is part of the BAU; this is meant to take place during season one (baby Spence my beloved) but there are no other major canon events mentioned and the case being discussed is one that I have made up; some very background typical elements of Criminal Minds - murder, killing, systemic vicimization of women/violence from men towards women (passing mention of bodies being consumed by wild animals); the reader and Spencer fuck while on a case (but they aren't endangering anyone's lives from lack of their attention, so it's fine); mentions of potential injuries from a car accident (theoretical - doesn't actually happen during the fic); very slight threads of Morgan x Reader (mentions of Morgan being attracted to the reader - it could be one-sided); very passing mention of Reid having breeding kink (doesn't take place during the fic, just one of his thoughts); for the actual smut section: this could be interpreted as virgin!Spencer but that's not explicitly stated here (at most, this is just inexperienced!Spencer) (the reader is definitely way more sexually experienced than him); praise kink (we all known Spencer is so eager to be praised); mentions of breastfeeding - Morgan makes a joke about the reader breastfeeding Reid, which later turns into faux breastfeeding kink (the reader doesn't actually lactate, but she lets Spencer suck on her tits and calls it breastfeeding); the reader calls Spencer: 'baby', 'good boy',; descriptions of subspace - but it's not specifically called 'subspace' in the text; thigh humping - Spencer humps the reader's thigh; cumming in pants (Spencer); multiple orgasms/overstimulation (Spencer receiving); handjob - the reader jacks Spencer off while he is sensitive after his first orgasm; using lube as cum; dumbification kink - the reader calls Spencer 'dumb baby' and generally enjoys seeing his intellect drop the more turned on he becomes (Spencer also likes being called this); technically the reader doesn't get to cum, but she gets turned on from treating Spencer like the good boy that he is (and this is more about him). I think that's everything.

A/N: This was directly inspired by the scene from Reid's birthday party, where Morgan says 'Mommy to the rescue!' (talking about JJ) and then Spencer says '...Mommy?' and it seems like he is discovering his Mommy kink in real time. Especially because he is then trapped between Elle and JJ and he makes direct eye contact with their boobs, and he just has such a look of scared kink realization in his eyes. I considered copying that moment exactly and just replacing JJ with the reader character, but this seemed like more fun lmao. I had so much fun writing this and I think this is one of my best fics in a while. I hope you guys enjoy it!!

...

Generally, you hated being stuck with grunt work. 

You knew that it was all part of the job - an important part of it. Paperwork, side interviews, background checks. Sifting through someone’s apartment looking for aspects of what kind of person they were based on their everyday life. 

But you thrived more on being right in the middle of things. You preferred interacting with suspects, chasing people down, harsh confrontation. 

Gideon said that you were overly controlling, impatient, brutally honest - that you had an ‘abrasive personality’ that put most men off. But that was why he often brought you into interrogations with male suspects. Many of the people you caught - men with superiority complexes who targeted the weak to make themselves feel powerful - they hated that you weren’t intimidated by them. That aspect of abrasion between you and the suspects often brought out a lot of information - things they spewed out trying to intimidate you. 

But you weren’t needed on that front today. 

No - instead, you were doing grunt work. The kind of work that made you impatient and generally aggravated. 

The only upside was that you got to do it with Spencer. 

He was one of the only men that voluntarily worked so closely with you so often, because he wasn’t intimidated by you. He took orders from you very well and naturally fell under your authority, bringing a natural chemistry to your partnership when you worked with him. Plus - his seemingly endless stream of ‘fun facts’ was like listening to the radio, which did help to soothe your boredom during these kinds of mindless tasks. 

You were on a case in Texas. Five women raped and tortured before having their bodies hung from a tree and consumed by cotoyes that the UnSub knew lived in the area. Since police had closed in on him, he had gone on the run. He had killed three more women since fleeing, while leaving no clues as to what his ultimate endgame would be or where he would be going next. 

Hotch sent you and Reid to find that out while the rest of the team worked victimology and profiled the scenes of the most recent murders, following the trail he was leaving. 

After spending hours sifting through the suspect’s house, looking for any small clue about where he might be going - you came up empty. When you touched base with Hotch, he told you that you and Reid would be going to visit the suspect’s ex-wife - who lived four hours away. You needed to interview her to see if she could give you any further insight to the man, and perhaps - beat him to the house if she was the ultimate target. 

(A lot of the victims looked like her, and it couldn’t really be a coincidence.) 

You knew that lives were at risk, and it was juvenile of you, but all you heard was: long, boring drive. Boring day. You hoped that Reid would be good company through it. 

Now, you were waiting outside of the police station in the bureau-issued SUV, waiting for Morgan to come and give you the file with the ex-wife’s address and contact information. 

“Did you know that over forty-six percent of Texans own a gun? Texas is second only to Montana in registered gun ownership, where over sixty-six percent of citizens proudly tote their right to bear arms.” Reid told you, continuing to look over the case files that were sitting in his lap. 

When you looked over toward him to reply to this odd factoid, your mind got caught up on something else. 

“Reid, come on, take your feet off the dashboard!” You told him, reaching over to gently smack his knee, trying to encourage his legs down from the awkward position. 

It bothered you for several reasons - the idea that he would leave shoe prints on the dashboard, which was minor and cosmetic, but still annoying. And the fact that if the car did happen to get hit head-on, the air-bag would explode out and push his knees into his chest, causing his shattered leg bones to pierce his organs and possibly kill him. (At the very least, he would never walk again.) 

Speaking of which: 

“And put your seatbelt on!” You barked, now noticing that he wasn’t wearing it past all of the files he had piled into his lap. “You of all people should know how many deaths are caused by not wearing a seatbelt.” 

Spencer opened his mouth to spout out this exact statistic, but before he could get the words out, another voice entered the conversation. 

“Aw, Reid, listen to your Mommy.” 

You were almost startled by Morgan’s voice coming from the open driver’s side window so suddenly. His appearance there as if out of nowhere was so jarring that you couldn’t get caught up on the way he had called you Reid’s Mommy. Your head whipped toward Morgan so quickly that you didn’t notice the flash across Spencer’s features - worry, dawning. You didn’t take note of the way he rushed to comply with putting on his seatbelt. As if he was rushing to please you, even unconsciously. 

“I bet if you’re a good boy, she might even breastfeed you when you get there.” 

Morgan then pursed his lips and made loudly suckling noises, clearly imitating breastfeeding in what he thought was a comedic way. 

Again - glaring at the muscled man through the open window, you didn’t see Spencer’s reaction. You didn’t see the way his large, glassy eyes flickered to your breasts (only emphasized by your own seatbelt crossed over the center of your chest) before he forced himself to focus on the files in front of him so that he wouldn’t feel so caught.

“Shut up.” You told Morgan, your voice so commanding and firm that his simple order was enough to get him to stop his antics. 

“And give me the address already.” You held out your hand expectantly, and Morgan handed you the file, which you placed onto the center console. 

Then, you turned back to him for one last point, determined to have the final word in the conversation. 

“Besides, we both know that you’re the one who’s got an obsession with my breasts, anyway. Just because you stare while wearing sunglasses, doesn’t mean I don’t notice. My eyes are up here, pal.” You told him sharply. 

He let out a scoff at this, and rolled his eyes behind his dark frames - but he made no clever comeback. 

You had successfully bested him. And with that knowledge, you rolled up the window and left him standing dumbly in the parking lot as you sped off. 

… 

You pulled over later to put the address into the GPS system, and you let out a long-winded groan when you found that it was more than four hours away. Four hours and twenty five minutes. 

So you pulled over again to get gas and stocked up on snacks, and you were surprised that Reid wasn’t giving you some lesson about the colloquial use of ‘soda’ and ‘pop’ (thinking that you hadn’t listened the other ten times when he had gone on the same rambling point about linguistics and how language evolves). 

He was being far too quiet for your liking. 

But he was keeping his eyes glued to the files, and you guessed that he was churning over something in that big brain of his, like he usually was. 

You were entirely surprised when the next time he spoke - it wasn’t about the case at all. 

“How - how do you know that Morgan likes your breasts?” He asked, his voice low and mousy, looking straight ahead as he fidgeted with his hands in his lap. 

“What?” You gaped, the word flying out of your mouth as your brain was utterly slow to process what he had just said. 

Hearing Spencer use the word ‘breasts’ was jarring, but somehow utterly adorable. You found it stirring a slight heat within you. Especially because he was still so shy. The whole thing made you want to pin him down and force the shyness out of him. 

Spencer felt the need to further explain himself. 

“When - when you were talking to him, you said: ‘we both know that you’re the one who’s got an obsession with my breasts.’” He said, repeating back what you had said, word for word, using that perfect memory of his. 

You wondered if that’s what he had been doing, sitting there in his seat so silently for the past hour of the car ride - going over the conversation again and again in his head, trying to make sense of it. And because he couldn’t make any sense of it by himself, now he was consulting you. 

Again, you found it so utterly adorable. 

“Morgan didn’t deny it. So - was it a hypothesis based on something, or did you just call him out hoping that you weren’t wrong?” Reid continued, sparing only a singular glance in your direction, a look that you caught out of the corner of your eye with your gaze still mostly focused ahead on the road. 

You found it intensely cute that he was using the word ‘hypothesis’ in this situation. You wondered if he ever turned it off - the textbook big words and the intellect that he always carried himself with. You wondered if you could make him turn it off. You wondered if there was any situation where Spencer Reid could be as stupid as any other man - chasing a bone, desperate to get his nut off. 

For the first time ever - you imagined Spencer Reid underneath you, blabbering nonsense, begging for release with your hand around his cock as you pumped him, red and aching, so slick in your palm. Desperate, empty-headed, beautifully stupid. 

(See, this was what happened when you were forced to do grunt work. You got bored. And when you got bored - you had to entertain yourself somehow.) 

“It was a pretty well-informed hypothesis.” You replied. Now that Spencer had brought the topic up, you certainly weren’t going to shy away from the discussion. “Morgan often brings up my sex life, and wants to engage in detailed discussions about my sexual encounters with me. So I assume that he spends a fair amount of time thinking about me in a sexual way.” 

Reid let out a choked-off noise at this. 

You continued. 

“Plus, he’s always staring down my top. He’s not exactly subtle.” 

“You - you actually notice that kind of thing?” He chirped, his voice becoming a few octaves higher as worry flooded him. 

You bit your lip, suppressing a grin. 

Of course, you had noticed the times that Spencer stared at your breasts as well. He was even less subtle about it than Morgan was. You didn’t mind it when he did it, because you knew that Spencer wasn’t exactly casanova. He didn’t have a different girl every other week like Morgan did, so taking a glance down your shirt when he passed you a morning coffee was probably about as much action as he got. 

Secretly, letting him get away with it was your gift to him. 

“Don’t worry about it, baby.” You told him, the pet name slipping out mindlessly as you reached over and gently patted his knee as a form of reassurance. 

This movement unintentionally drew his eyes toward your chest, especially in his desperation to look anywhere but your face, not wanting to make eye contact with you. But he found his eyes glued to the swell of your breasts once again - hating how perfect they looked, even through the simple cotton shirt and plain bra that you wore. 

“Sorry, Mommy.” The word slipped out before he could even consciously process it. “Sorry!” 

Spencer raised a hand to smack his own face at lightning speed, and slumped down into his seat in embarrassment. 

You bit your lip to suppress a grin. It stirred a filthy heat in your belly. But you knew that Spencer likely needed a while to sit with this and wouldn’t want to talk about it - not yet. So you reached over and turned on the radio, letting the music fill the space so that the silence wasn’t so awkward and gutting. 

…

Spencer didn’t talk for the entirety of the rest of the car ride, which didn’t surprise you. 

When you finally arrived at the ex-wife’s house, his hands were shaking with nerves as he tried to unlatch his seatbelt. You probably should have just left him alone to struggle, but an evil spark, likely fueled by the boredom of the day, flared up inside of you. You couldn’t resist the urge to lean over the console, very purposefully showing off your breasts as you gently pushed his hands away and undid the belt for him. 

“Here, let Mommy get that for you.” You said, distinct teasing on your breath as you mumbled the words into his ear. 

Spencer huffed out a deep sigh and collapsed back into his seat, and pushed his hair out of his face in frustration. But he didn’t say anything more as you gathered the files in preparation for the interview. 

He only spoke when you moved to get out of the car. 

“Look, I-” He began a half assed explanation, and you easily cut him off. 

“You let Morgan get in your head too much.” You told him with a chuckle, opening your door and getting out. 

But as he forced himself to follow you with numb limbs - he knew that this definitely wasn’t all Morgan’s fault. 

… 

The ex-wife didn’t know much. 

She described the marriage as hell - the suspect exhibited all the typical behaviors as a husband that they would have expected. He hated women, and he wanted full control over his wife at the time, which eventually led down the path of divorce. They had to sell the house they had bought together, but neither of them had moved out of Texas since. But he hadn’t contacted her in years. 

She had two young kids from a new relationship, and when the woman stepped out to take a call, you picked one of them up to soothe his cries, hushing him gently while you rubbed his back. 

Because of this, Spencer found himself even more dizzy and confused. 

He knew that it was Frueadian - some deep, misguided part of his psychology - something broken and missing inside of him because of his own fractured childhood. 

But seeing you being so sweet with a kid, especially after the day he’d had - he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be your baby, or if he wanted to shoot his cum so deep inside you that it would ensure he could give you one. 

(Ultimately, he knew that it was likely both - and that didn’t answer any questions for him. It just gave him far more questions.) 

… 

Even though the ex-wife couldn’t give you guys much more than you already knew, Hotch wanted you and Spencer to stay close by in case the suspect decided to make his ex-wife the end game. The two of you would be able to make it to her first if she called for help. 

So you and Spencer had dinner at a random local barbeque place off the highway and Spencer still didn’t talk much through it, other than posing some theories about the case. Even though he was a bit more talkative, he still refused to look at you - he stared down at his plate the whole time. Though whenever he did look up, you noticed that his eyes lingered on your chest - and he still wouldn’t look you in the eye. 

By the time the bill came around and the two of you were ready to leave, you knew exactly what you had to do. 

… 

Spencer waited by the car with his bag while you checked in and got a motel room (needing to stay in town, you got a room for the night). When you came back, you handed him the room key and then moved to get your bag out of the car. 

“Do… you already have yours?” He asked quietly. 

“Hmm?” You hummed in reply, slinging the strap of your go-bag over your shoulder before you closed the back door and used the remote to lock up the car. 

“Your room key?” 

You suppressed another grin. 

“I only got one room.” You told him. “You don’t mind sharing with me, right?” 

You gave him a purposeful look - looked at him through your lashes, bit your lip slightly, and subtly squeezed your breasts together with your upper arms, emphasizing them. You knew exactly what you were doing to him, but hopefully it seemed subtle. 

“I - uh - no.” Spencer stuttered. “It’s fine. We can share.” He gave a grin, not wanting to appear upset, even though his entire body was racked with nerves. 

Spencer followed you to the room and he fumbled with the key with shaking hands for a moment before he sighed and then handed it to you. 

His insides quaked when he saw that there was only one bed. 

He wasn’t sure if he should say anything about it. The two of you had slept in the same room before, but you had never shared a bed before. Sure, you had slept near each other before. He had accidentally fallen asleep on your shoulder on the plane or vice versa. But you had never crawled into bed together with the intention of sleeping together. 

And yes, just the entendre behind it made Reid’s head spin. 

He had a heavy knot in his gut, and hatefully - a distinct stirring in his crotch. He could only imagine how embarrassing it would be for you to wake up and see him compromised in some way. Or god forbid, if you caught him moaning in his sleep because of unconscious dreams that he couldn’t stop - for you to think that he was some kind of dirty sex pervert because of it. 

He felt an overwhelming need to clear the air overtake him. He had no clue how to broach the subject, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to spend the night like this. He wouldn’t be able to sleep with this anxiety hanging over his head. 

He studied you carefully as you sat down on the edge of the bed, ditching your bag off to the side and heaving out a tired sigh as you began taking off your shoes. 

Spencer put down his own bag and then stood there, fidgeting nervously as he searched for words. 

“I - uh - I am sorry about earlier.” He mumbled out the beginnings of an apology. “What Morgan said was stupid, and I-” 

“I don’t think it was stupid.” 

You let out a chuckle, and reached up the back of your shirt. Spencer found himself frozen, his eyes tracing your every moment as you unhooked your bra underneath your shirt and then moved to maneuver the straps out from your short sleeves while you kept talking. 

“I think he had a point.” You added on. “Good boys should get a reward. And I think you were fairly good today. You didn’t eat all your veggies at dinner, but you kept your feet off the dashboard and you were quiet during the car ride. You definitely get points for being patient during such a long trip, baby.” 

Your voice smoothed into a soothing tone, that word - baby - melting like butter over your tongue in a way that made Spencer’s knees wobble. He hadn’t known it until right now, but you calling him a ‘good boy’ and listing off such mundane things he had done that made him worthy of a reward fired off sparks inside of his brain. 

A breath choked off inside of his throat as you stood up off the bed and peeled your bra completely out from under your shirt. Somehow it was one of the sexiest things he had ever seen, revealing the hard peaks of your nipples and the beautiful natural teardrop shape of your breasts to him through the cotton fabric. 

Spencer wanted to speak, but his tongue felt so heavy and dry inside of his mouth. He knew that he was staring at your chest so blatantly now, but he couldn’t peel his eyes away. He couldn’t even feel ashamed anymore. 

That dull tingle in his crotch had turned into a full on stinging interest, and he unconsciously pulled at the fabric of his pants, trying to loosen some of the tension that was growing, not even considering how it might look to you - him dumbly reaching for his crotch to make it look looser when his hardening bulge was becoming more obvious by the second. 

It was one of the most ‘caveman’ things he had ever done in front of you - standing there with his mouth hanging slightly agape, pulling at his crotch without caring how it looked. You definitely wanted more, wanted to see how dumb he could get. How far you could make him devolve. 

“So what do you say, baby boy?” You hummed, stepping close into his personal space now, causing him to get a whiff of your perfume - something that was only a dull trace after such a long day, but still smelled so good. “Do you want Mommy to breastfeed you? Do you wanna suck on my tits as your reward?” 

You gently ran a thumb across his cheek, and paired with the words, Spencer’s brain short-circuited. 

He knew realistically that you weren’t actually offering to breastfeed him. There was no evidence in your life to say that your body could actually support the production of milk currently - but you were offering to let him play pretend. To suck on your tits with a very sexual air, to call you Mommy without the teasing humiliation behind it that Morgan had hinted at (or maybe Spencer liked that humiliation, he wasn’t even sure). (He hadn’t even known before this morning that he liked the idea of calling you Mommy, but here he was). 

All he could conjure in response was the dumbest, non-human sound. 

“Nngh.” 

It was a grunt from the back of his throat - too much blood swelling to his cock all at once and too much direct attention from you making him dizzy. 

You giggled quietly. 

“Come on, baby. Just say the word. And Mommy will give you everything you need.” 

Spencer inhaled sharply. At this point, he was desperate to get some oxygen to his brain. 

His mind was racing, chanting out: 

‘Yes! God, yes! I want it so badly, Mommy! I want anything you’ll give me. I need you. I need you so badly.’ 

But all his lips could form in the wake of such dizzying lust was: 

“Please.” 

“Good boy.” You sighed. 

You used a hand on his chin to tilt his face up to meet yours, and you consumed him in a kiss - he was hungry and eager to meet your touch, moaning loudly into your mouth, his hands racing to touch you now, rushing up to grip on your hips in the most utterly needy way. He balled the fabric of your shirt in his fists, like he couldn’t get enough of you - like he was afraid you would dissolve away if he let go of you for even a second. 

It was cute, to say the least. 

You only let the kiss last for a moment, though. You pulled away to a disappointed whine from Spencer, which you quietly hushed. 

“Hey, it’s okay baby.” You soothed him. “Come here. Mommy’s gonna take good care of you.” 

You lead him toward the bed, getting rid of his tie in the process, and Spencer stepped out of his shoes along the way. You slid onto the bed and laid up on the pillows on your back, Spencer clumsily following you, crawling on all fours. The two of you had barely started, but he was full-on panting now, racing to catch his breath while his blood hammered through his veins. 

He watched on with eager curiosity while you got comfortable, fluffing the pillow under your head before you then reached down and pulled up your shirt. You pulled the fabric to sit up under your chin, finally revealing your gorgeous breasts to him. 

If he was lost for words before, then he had receded back to a total neanderthal now. 

His mouth fell open and his salivary glands started working overtime as his eyes raked hungrily over your chest - enjoying the pure beauty of the fatty mounds, striped with zig-zagging stretch marks and completed by your hard peaked nipples. 

“Here, come on, baby.” 

You had to remind Spencer what the goal was, guiding him into place with a hand on the back of his head. You helped ease his body to lay on top of yours as he relaxed into you - and his mouth finally found its rightful place on your breast. He became greedy, suctioning hard on your nipple as though he might actually get something out of it. 

Truthfully, he did get something out of this. 

It definitely wasn’t any form of nutrition, but it was something that drove him lustfully insane and made his head fuzzy and warm in the best way. This was the only time in his entire life that he didn’t have ten thousand thoughts running through his mind like the news blasting on television in the background. This was the only time since his first conscious memory that he had actually known his mind to be quiet. 

He felt intensely thankful for it. Intensely thankful toward you for giving him this feeling. 

In that moment, without all the noise, all he knew was the comforting feeling of your fat tit under his mouth, the heat of your body under his own as you cradled him. The soothing firmness of your hands through his hair and down his back - and the distant, sweet purring of your voice in his ears. 

“Good boy.” You hummed, loving the feeling of him moaning around your nipple - so constant and so greedy now that you were sure he didn’t even know that he was doing it. “Such a good boy for me. Such a good boy for Mommy.” 

Your cunt was humming between your thighs, aching so hard at seeing Spencer like this. The usually composed, intelligent, practically robotic Doctor Reid reduced down to a blubbering, moaning, needy mess just because he wanted to suck on your tits. 

Just because you had called yourself Mommy a few times in his presence. 

It was so utterly beautiful, and you wanted more. 

(You didn’t think that you could ever let him go after this. You probably wouldn’t be able to stand the idea of another woman touching him after this. But you would have to think on that more later.) 

You noticed Spencer canting his hips, unconsciously seeking friction against his hard cock while he continued to suck on your breast. With his eyes closed blissfully, drool gathering around his lips where they met your skin in the most utterly adorable way. You couldn’t help yourself - you scooted your knee between his thighs. You then used a hand to help his hips into place, adjusting him so that he was getting good friction against your denim-clad thigh. 

“There you go. There you go, sweet boy.” You hummed, feeling another jolt through your body when he let out a sharper moan against your tit, and began humping your leg in earnest. 

You were quick to encourage him, putting both hands on his hips and helping him along while he greedily hung onto you. He had on your hip, the other hand slipping up to cup fingers around the bottom of your breast, making sure you didn’t escape him while he moved his body against you so frantically. 

“That’s just what you needed, isn’t it, baby?” You moaned out, your voice wavering slightly as the pleasure of it all thrummed through you. “Just a dumb little baby who needed Mommy’s tit.” 

The term ‘dumb little baby’ came flying out of your mouth before you could stop it. Though you knew exactly why it happened. Seeing such a brilliant genius reduced down to this truly did something to your ego. And apparently hearing those words from you did something to him, too. 

He whined sharply against your skin and his hips stuttered abruptly. You knew it wouldn’t be long before he came in his pants, his cock throbbing against the friction of your thigh. And this thought alone caused your mouth to run off without restraint. 

“Such a needy little thing.” You sighed. “You love being Mommy’s dumb baby, don’t you? Not a single fucking thought between your ears, just sucking on Mommy’s tit without a care in the world.” 

Spencer moaned and it sent another jolt through your body - another harsh pang through your cunt. You loved how much he needed you. You loved how much he was clearly eating this up. 

You didn’t even care if you got to cum tonight; you just wanted to exhaust him for all he was worth. Because he was so fucking pretty like this. 

“You gonna cum for me, baby boy? You gonna cum for Mommy? Come on, baby. Cum for me.” 

These words were what ultimately sent him over the edge. Well that along with your strong hands on his hips, encouraging him along while he was mindless and busy mouthing on your breast.

His jaw dropped open, finally loosening that desperate suction on your now slightly sore nipple as he began to pant frantically over your now spit-soaked skin. He moaned hotly while he humped you in an entirely adorable, almost distraught manner - absolutely desperate to have the most friction on his cock while his orgasm overtook him. 

You could feel his needy cock throbbing against you, trapped inside of his pants, shooting off hot ropes of cum that quickly soaked into his underwear and even then, seeped into the fabric of his slacks. You grinned and bit your lip as you felt that wetness even beginning to soak into your jeans, knowing he must have set off quite a big load. 

Spencer soon collapsed on top of you, gulping in air as he tried to catch his breath. 

Any normal person would have taken pity on him (seeing as he was clearly nervous and inexperienced) and wound things down to end the night here. Anyone else would have likely let him rest. 

But again, you felt devilish temptation overtake you. (It was a feeling that seemed to be much more ripe around Spencer Reid.) 

You just felt thankful that your temptation and inclination toward chaos came in the form of lust, rather than something more violent, like the people you studied every single day. Everyone around you should be thankful for that. 

You used your leverage (and the fact that you weren’t nearly as exhausted from the experience) to flip him over onto his back. He let out a surprised sound as his back made contact with the mattress - blinking up at you with shocked, glassy eyes as you moved down his body slightly. 

“Wha-?” He mumbled out the question, only getting out part of the word before you reached for the zipper on the front of his now wet pants. 

“Hey, shh, baby. I just wanna see you.” You told him quietly, causing him to stare down the length of his own body at your hands as you worked. 

You got the button and zipper undone quickly and you let out a quiet ‘fuck’ as you peeled back the wet fabric of his grey slacks to reveal the sight of his simplistic (very Reid) white cotton underwear slightly transparent and stuck tight to his cock, coated in wet, sticky cum. 

“So pretty baby.” 

He only whined in response. 

You couldn’t help yourself - you reached up and pulled down the waistband of his underwear, feeling more lust pricking through you as he was truly revealed to your eyes. He was perfect. Glossy and wet with his own release, his cock pinky red from the exertion and friction, still half hard. You pulled the clothes down over his hips and he lifted his body to help you, clearly glad to be rid of the mess, and the second you untangled the fabric from his ankles and ditched everything aside, you were back on him. 

You skimmed the tips of your fingers oh-so-lightly up his shaft where it was sprawled across his pelvis, and his hips jolted. He let out a bitter gasp - as though cold water had been splashed across him. 

“You said-” He choked on the words as you ran your thumb right underneath the crown, gently pressing into the head, causing him to choke on a moan while his knees quaked. 

You sat on his knees to keep him still and his head became so fuzzy once again. 

‘You said that you only wanted to look.’ 

The sentence died off in his lungs somewhere, and truthfully - he didn’t want to protest. He didn’t want you to stop. 

“Sens-sensitive.” He whined. “Too much.” 

“But you’re so pretty, baby.” You replied, your voice turning smooth and warm like butter again, melting over his whole body, causing all of his muscles to go soft and pliant for you. “Your cock is so pretty. I need to touch you.” 

He let out another strangled noise when you cupped your hand and took him fully in your grip this time, giving one good tug across his cock from root to tip. When you did this again, faster this time, his lungs seized inside his chest - trying to take in oxygen so quickly, as though he were drowning on dry land. 

“You gonna be good for me, baby?” 

“Yes.” He gargled back in response. “Yes, Mommy.” 

He was already so wet from cumming in his pants, and he let out a pathetic dribble of precum as you continued to move your hand - so it was an easy, slick slide. One that sent harsh shockwaves through him from overstimulation. Against his own will, he soon ballooned back to full hardness - becoming painfully swollen in your hand while you sped up your touch and closed your fist tighter around him. It caused the most wonderful hurt between his legs, and made a downright filthy wet sound as you pumped your grip faster along his needy cock. 

Spencer heard wailing and felt the soreness against his throat before he realized that he was the one making those desperate sounds. He distantly wondered what it might sound like to someone else, if the rooms on either side were occupied, if the motel would receive a noise complaint about some frail woman getting fucked to death by her husband next door - because that’s what he sounded like in his own ears. 

But any of those half-thoughts were chased out of his brain the second you flicked your thumb up over the head of his cock and your dirty mouth filled his ears once again. 

“Gonna milk this pretty cock, baby.” You told him, your voice firm. “You gonna show Mommy how much you can cum for me? Gonna show me what a good boy you are?” 

Spencer let out another pathetic sound, his body singing with pleasure at his pure need to prove to you that - yes, he was a good boy. 

He felt tears wet on the side of his face before he realized that he was crying, but it was all too good to ask you to stop. 

You used your other hand to cradle his balls and you swooped down to capture his gasping mouth in another kiss (a very messy, open mouthed kiss that Spencer could barely pay attention to). Spencer screamed into your mouth while he painted his stomach with cum once again.

You only stopped jerking his cock once you had truly milked every last drop from him, his hips seizing up off the bed and your hand almost slipping off him completely from how sloppily wet it was with more of his cum added to the mix. 

He was purely exhausted then. His eyes blinked heavily, struggling to stay open. He vaguely remembered you cleaning him off and tucking him into bed - but he definitely enjoyed falling asleep curled up next to your warmth. 

…

The next morning, Spencer felt hungover. 

He wondered if that’s what good sex always felt like - the combination of endorphins rushing through your body and physical exertion tackling you over. His legs were sore, as though he had run several miles. (Which wasn’t even something he could make a bold comparison to anyway, because he didn’t exercise nearly as much as he should for someone with this job). He woke up starving, grateful when you drove to a diner down the road after checking out of the motel and planted him in one of the booths before going outside to call Hotch in order to touch base with the rest of the team. 

You came back with a small grin on your face. 

“Turns out that tip the ex-wife gave us about their first house in Arlington was pretty solid.” You told Reid. “They caught the guy on his way there. He had another girl in the trunk. They got her back mostly unarmed, and took him into custody.” 

Spencer nodded. “That’s good.” 

When he moved to grab another sugar packet out of the caddy on the side of the table, three of them already open and empty beside his cup of coffee, you grabbed him by the wrist. 

“That’s enough, baby.” You told him. 

His stomach curled, that distinct feeling running through him again. And against his will, that word slipped out - again. 

“Yes, Mommy.”

...

A/N: This is a standalone oneshot. There won't be a sequel or a continuation, so please do not ask for one. If you liked the fic, please comment about the body of work that has been written, or consider reblogging to show your appreciation. If you want to see more Spencer Reid fics that I have written, you can check out my Criminal Minds Masterlist, or you can check out my Masterlists for other fandoms to see if anything catches your eye. Thank you for reading!

[pixieimp]

Okey, so adding more information to one of my other posts! This one

Kurt backstory in my now headcanon and why he was not an X-Men in Deadpool and Wolverine:

• We know Kurt backstory as Szardos, he was raised by a Romani family back in Germany which was part of a traveling circus where he performed as the Amazing Nightcrawler, their trapeze artist. (That's canon, the rest is not and it's just my mind) I think for that universe, Kurt would have a similar childhood but this time he and his siblings all have a good relationship. Stephan didn’t hate Kurt and they actually were best friends so no jealousy fight and death of Stephan making Kurt run away and to be found by Charles.

• When there is a change in the circus direction and Kurt is taken from trapeze artist to main star as the freak from the show, he is also chained and caged and often mistreated without Margali or any or his siblings being able to do much more than to sneak some food at that moment.

• After a particularly nasty overdose of sedatives and a brutal beating from the new Ring Master which almost kills Kurt, Margali makes a pack with a demon to magnify her own magical abilities and to be able to free Kurt. The Szardos family took Kurt to holy ground in a near by abbey where they left him to "clean the mess" at the circus. (The Szardos family starts then with both Margali and Jimaine witchcraft some sort of mob business)

• Kurt keeps in touch with the abbey as he works the grounds to help repay the kindly help from the brothers. At the same time people starts to look at him and to point in his direction as the result of "diabolical Romani magic". Little by little people starts to fear him and to hate him as Stephan starts to use Kurt image to scare people off.

• After Margali ends up doing connections with the Hellfire Club she takes her 3 children to America where they can have a better life out of little minded folk. The mob business goes smoothly well in their new home and they have a comfortable life where Kurt goes back to feel caged and like the freak when it’s clear that his presence it’s only important to keep up the image of demonic magic her mother and sister have adopted. After quite a big argument Kurt leaves his family in order to do good honest work.

• Due to his looks it's not so easy so once more he goes back to seek god's help, he never had a problem in the abbey even when many brothers were wary from him. So he ends up finding a small church where they give him a place to stay and live in exchange for a bit of handy work and help with some of the groups for "special people" (aka mutants)

• As the people from the church gets to feel more comfortable with Kurt around, the priest starts to let Kurt help with other groups of people and that's how Kurt and Al end up meeting (Kurt at that time was in his mid 20s when they met for the first time)

Logan’s first impression:

Kurt was immediately attracted to Logan, there was something in there that sang to his own soul. Even if the man was short in his responses (he didn't know that Logan was actually shocked to see someone who in his own universe loved so much) and more than once completely rude to Kurt himself and to others. Kurt still laughed it off and actually invited Logan to join one of the veterans’ group therapy seasons.

[mountkennedie]

Slide 'Neath the Waves

King Caspian x mermaid!reader

Summary: On the Dawn Treader, you lure Caspian into the sea

Warnings: none

A.N. She/her pronouns and reader has breasts. Can you tell how much I love mermaid!reader yet????

The Dawn Treader was slicing through the water, and the setting sun was illuminating the wounds. Caspian had been watching the waves crash and collide from the window in his room. The sight always calmed him when his duties became overwhelming. He found peace in feeling the ship rock from side to side. What he did not expect was to see a woman among those waves. Seeming to be one with the current around her.

He couldn't believe his eyes. He rushed up on deck, taking a lantern with him. Upon reaching the main rail, he looked out over the water for any sign of the beautiful woman he had just set sights on. After no luck, he turned to leave. Caspian then heard the most alluring voice begin to vocalize over the water.

It sucked the air out of his chest. Without a second thought, he found himself heading straight in the direction of the voice. And there he saw her. There he saw you.

The dying sun had long laid to rest. And in its place, the fair moon rose, illuminating your skin. You looked out of a dream to the captain. Many stories he had heard from crewmates and others about the folk that could live beneath the waves. And the power they can have on those above. But now, all those stories were nothing but fiction. How could something, someone, that is so beautiful be such a danger?

~

You approached the boat. You kept your scales hidden for the time being. Some pieces of wood along the side of the ship stuck out, giving you just enough to grip and pull yourself upward. You didn't go too far, just enough to show some scales that peppered your waist. You kept your eyesight on him, wanting to keep the handsome man locked on you.

You raised a hand upwards to him. In hopes that you built up a need in him to see more of you. Having seen your sister lure men, you know what attracts them best. You arched your back smoothly, making sure your breasts were highlighted by the moonlight streaming in.

~

Caspian's eyes widened. Never had he ever seen a more beautiful woman, especially one so exposed. He did not stare, remembering some manners. However, his gaze instead lingered on her compelling eyes. His hand reached to meet the maiden, but he could not close the gap between them.

Growing frustrated by the delay of your skin on his, he looked for something to pull you closer to him. A rope lay at his feet, and he grabbed it. He threw it over the edge, and it landed right next to you.

~

You blinked at him. Then, he grabbed the rope and allowed him to pull you up. When the edge was in reach, you grabbed on and propelled yourself up. You sat on the rail and looked at him. He didn't speak a word. You took a chance and reached toward him.

He really was very beautiful. You had a choice to make. Feast upon him, or simply take him with you? You were leaning on plainly taking him, but sparing his life. You gently took a strand of hair that had fallen in his face and placed it behind his ear.

"Are you my jolly sailor bold?" You asked.

~

Your voice was pure silk to the captain. He held your hand in place, on his face. Not wanting you to be far from him at all. Caspian knew it was rude to not verbally respond to your question. But he could not even muster the word 'yes'.

He only furrowed his eyebrows in defeat and nodded yes.

~

Your hand that remained on his face brought him close. You had made your decision, and you would spare the life of this man. So you brought him upon your lips, in a kiss that would bless him to breathe below the waves.

He melted on you, as to be expected. And when you pulled back, he looked as though you were his only priority. Like you were his only reason for living.

~

Caspian found himself, climbing onto the railing with the fair creature. Her kiss flooded his senses completely. All duties and responsibilities died on land, for he was now part of the sea.

Together, they slid from the Dawn Treader and into the endless oblivion of the ocean for eternity.

[it-happened-one-fic]

Hours in the Moonlight: Guileful Nightfall - 2. An Oddity

Summary: Warm, welcoming, and friendly. They certainly weren’t words that came to mind when you imagined a vampire clan, but they did fit your initial interactions with the Scarabia clan. That didn’t make it any less odd though, and it left you wondering what you should expect from your time evaluating them.

Series Type: Gender-neutral reader/ Vampire AU/ series/ romantic/ angst/ angst with comfort/ fluff/ sfw/ platonic interactions too!

Trigger Warning: Vampire

Word Count: 1503

Hours in the Moonlight Master-List

Sam waltzed up to the main doorway, two glass double doors etched with an intricate water lotus design, without a care in the world before politely knocking and waiting. 

I shifted awkwardly as I waited next to him until a young man appeared at the door and let us in.

He smiled warmly as he tilted his head full of fluffy, purple locks, his gaze resting heavily on me even as he spoke to Sam, “Ah, Mr. Sam, please come in! Who’s your guest?” 

Sam smiled at the boy, ever-charming as he slipped through the door and gestured to me with one hand, “This is Y/n. They’re working with me. Is Kalim in? We need to speak with him.”

The young man nodded, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that two people from the head-vampire were here as he gestured up a staircase that led out of the lavishly decorated lobby that looked like something out of a movie set for a Bollywood movie, “Of course! He’s with Jamil right now, but he can go ahead and see you.”

We trailed along behind him, and I glanced awkwardly over at Sam, who didn’t seem to be finding anything odd despite how out of my depth I felt.

I’d been expecting a more cold reception like what we’d received at the Savanaclaw clan. But instead, everyone here seemed happy and utterly welcoming.

They regarded us with friendly curiosity, though I couldn’t deny that a few of the stares lingered on me a little bit too long for my taste.

I could hear cheery laughter echoing down the hallway in the direction that the young man led us, and Sam leaned over towards me, his voice dropping to a whisper, “Brace yourself, Little Imp.”

Startled, I looked over his way only for him to lean away as our guide came to a halt in front of a door, “Clan Leader?” 

The young man called into the room, and the laughter trailed off only to be followed by a joyful call of the name I assumed belonged to the young man in front of us, “Bakkar! I told you, just call me Kalim.”

It was a joyful tone that had me looking towards Sam yet again with steadily growing confusion as the young man in front of us laughed good-naturedly, “Of course. You have some visitors, though. Mr. Sam has come.”

The moment the young man stepped to the side, another, white-haired fellow with bright red eyes appeared. A brilliant smile on his tanned face as he looked between the two of us, “Sam! Come in, what do you need?”

I blinked at the young man, startled by how purely cheerful he was as I followed Sam into the room, waving awkwardly at ‘Bakkar’ as he walked off with a polite smile and nod of his head. 

I hurriedly turned my attention to the people remaining in the room as Sam began to speak, gesturing to me with a smile, “This is Y/n L/n. You may remember them from the ball?”

I could now see a secondary man as well. One with an impressively attractive face and long hair who gazed at me with a pointed expression before nodding and speaking in an impressively even-sounding voice, “The new Hunter. Yes.”

Sam nodded as the first one smilingly looked my way. As if the news that I was a vampire hunter was no more distressing than the idea of me being a baker. 

Definitely different from the reactions that my identity as the Hunter had gotten up until now.

Sam continued though, casually introducing me to the two men as he gestured first to the cheerful white-haired one and then to the taller, dark haired one, “This is Kalim and Jamil. They’re the founders of this clan.”

I nodded, smiling awkwardly at the first young man, whose grin only seemed to spread more when I smiled at him as Sam continued, “Y/n works under Crowley, and they’re going to be coming by every day so they can evaluate the Scarabia clan.”

At odds with the personification of sunshine that was eagerly nodding along to Sam’s words, the longer haired one, Jamil, frowned, “Why are we being evaluated? Is something going on?”

His gaze darted warily between me and Sam, and I glanced over only to see Sam looking at me with a smile. Apparently leaving it up to me to handle the rest of the explanation.

I stepped forward, doing my best to sum up the situation in a way that was as untroubling as possible: “Crowley is concerned about the recent surge in insane vampires, so he’s having me evaluate all of the clans. It’s no real cause for concern. I’m just going to look for any clues as to what might be going on.”

The one frowned, obviously ready to say something only for the happier one, Kalim, to spring forward, “Of course! If it’ll make your job any easier, you can even stay here while you check everything out! We’re having a feast tonight after all!”

I blinked in silent surprise at his words and Sam laughed, patting me on the shoulder, “Well, you three get it all sorted out. I’ve got to go, so it's in your hands Y/n.”

I turned, barely keeping myself from gaping like a fish out of water as Sam walked out of the room with a relaxed wave tossed over his shoulder as he abandoned me to one impressively extroverted persona and his wary companion.

I felt a hand tap my shoulder, and I twisted to see Kalim smiling at me, “Don’t worry, Y/n. You’ll like it here! Jamil’s a great cook, and everyone here is nice.”

He beamed at me like a tiny sun as his companion gave a sigh of long-suffering, “Kalim, they haven’t agreed to stay here yet.”

I watched as Kalim blinked slightly before letting out a carefree laugh that had me smiling slightly despite myself, “That’s right. You really ought to stay for supper though. It’s bound to be delicious with Jamil handling everything.”

I faltered slightly at his second mention of a feast. What would a vampire feast even be? The very idea of one called to mind the image of a gothic atmosphere with candles and goblets filled with blood, but somehow, even though I’d only just met him, I couldn’t picture Kalim in such a place.

Jamil shook his head with a sigh before looking my way as he crossed his arms, “Since you’re going to be evaluating us, I’ll show you around the clan. You can decide what you want to do about staying during the tour. Kalim-”

I watched the shorter man perk up almost immediately at the sound of his name, reminding me distinctly of a puppy in the way he looked towards the other man with sparkling eyes.

“Stay here,” Despite the blunt tone Jamil delivered his orders in, Kalim seemed unbothered. Chuckling slightly before nodding. Saying he’d be waiting for us to get back as if nothing could ever dampen his spirit.

But even then I found myself growing still more confused. So far, the Scarabia clan was wildly different from what I’d seen of the other clans. 

They were welcoming, warm, and beyond friendly, and, despite being the supposed leader of the clan, Kalim did not seem to be in charge. Rather, Jamil seemed to be the one making decisions and issuing orders.

I followed Jamil out of the room though, waving back at Kalim when he waved at me cheerfully, beaming all the while and making me wish ever so slightly that he were my guide rather than Jamil, who, at the very least, seemed like a better fit for what I’d expected since he seemed at least slightly wary.

I truly didn’t know what to make of Kalim, who hadn’t been phased by the fact I was the local Hunter, though. 

While it was a nice change of pace for him to have been so unbothered by it, it was also very strange. After all, while I didn’t necessarily like it, it did make more sense to avoid and be wary of someone who essentially amounted to being an executioner.

Especially when said executioner had been sent in to evaluate your clan.

It was fairly obvious that Crowley meant this as some sort of warning to the clans. Like he was telling them that if they were discovered to be the root of the insanity issue, they should know what to expect.

But at least now I sort of knew what Sam had meant when he told me to brace myself. It wasn’t what I’d expected by any means. In fact, rather than a warning about aggression or something like that, it had been a heads-up to brace myself for what might be the most confusing clan I dealt with.

Because while this was really only the third clan I’d interacted with, something told me that this sort of welcome was an oddity.

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[bengiyo]

So I’ve got some thoughts wracking around my brain and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Apologies ahead of time because this is long.

Some background: I’ve been watching BL for about 2 years, consuming content from BL fandom on Tumblr for about a year, and listened to you & Nini’s pod since it came out. So I know a big trend and exciting push is workplace BL and more adult BL characters and relationships. I think it’s really interesting that so many in the fandom favor this trend because I struggle with the presence of the typical BL tropes in stories with queer adults because I see many of the tropes as inherently childish I guess? I mean I think as we all watch BL we have to hold a suspension of disbelief watching two adolescent or fully grown men live out these silly tropes (e.g white towel bath, tripping and falling, etc. (we all know’em by now)). I think that’s why I typically lean toward high school and even college settings because it’s easier to imagine characters in that age range engaging with these types of tropes.

I think the same goes for certain genres too. For example: I had a hard time enjoying KinnPorsche because tonally it was hard to reconcile one scene of rampant violence/death and the next scene Kinn & Porsche walking in the park engaging in all the silly tropes. The romance orientation of BL (to me) does not mix well with Mafia or horror genres because the presence of these tropes create such a weird tonal shift throughout the narrative.

I think I primarily have this trouble with Thai BLs (maybe also Taiwan they just don’t produce nearly as many shows so less to compare) because 1) the specific campy thai style of acting and 2) the fact that Thai BLs pack so many of the same tropes in their shows.

Now all that being said: I’m loving Law of Attraction and I’ve been thinking a lot about why it works for me. So far I don’t think there have been nearly as many tropes as some shows but I also think the melodrama of it all helps too. I mean both Charn and Tinn are very archetypal and Charn is almost a caricature of the archetype. It’s ridiculous and highly entertaining and still works as a BL for me.

Ok all that being said (I’m sorry this is so long) specifically with workplace/adult Thai BL: I see it going one of two main ways to continue to work (for me at least) while they also try to explore different settings, genres, and stories. Either 1) LoA route where it’s very dramatic and the characters are more caricatures and it’s not to be taken too seriously (but it’s still fun and entertaining and has some good themes) or 2) they phase out a lot of the tropes and depict more realistic queer characters in adult relationships. If they go route #2 wouldn’t that just lead to inherently more queer shows? From what I understand many define BL by the inclusion of these tropes and centering the romance in the narrative but I just can’t see how these aspects can continue to exist in more adult oriented stories? Do you think new tropes will emerge in these “office BLs” that will make it continue to “feel” BL without it feeling queer? Don’t get me wrong I’m queer and I love that it seems to be going in that direction but I’m also interested in the history/origins of the Thai BL industry and how they will likely try to continue to please their original base (cis het women) with more mature stories and settings without losing the essence of BL and moving more toward queer shows. Would love to hear any and all your thoughts. I’m thinking so much more about these topics hearing you and Nini on the pod so thank you for fostering these conversations!!

There's a lot going on here, so I'm going to try to pull out some specific things to interrogate.

I know a big trend and exciting push is workplace BL and more adult BL characters and relationships. I think it’s really interesting that so many in the fandom favor this trend because I struggle with the presence of the typical BL tropes in stories with queer adults because I see many of the tropes as inherently childish I guess? I mean I think as we all watch BL we have to hold a suspension of disbelief watching two adolescent or fully grown men live out these silly tropes (e.g white towel bath, tripping and falling, etc. (we all know’em by now)). I think that’s why I typically lean toward high school and even college settings because it’s easier to imagine characters in that age range engaging with these types of tropes.

I'm entering my mid-30s. I'm a bit burnt out on the high school and college stuff. I also work in an office tower as part of a large bureacracy. You'd be surprised how much petty office drama looks like the same shit you dealt with in schools. I also like the notion that even adults can enjoy some of the silly first moments. I dont' like the idea that either we settle down with the first boy we met in high school or college or we just don't exist.

Also, there are lots of tropes entering BL from the genre-blending that I think some viewers just don't recognize. Part of why Korean BL is so important is because quite a few viewers are versed in the narrative structures and story beats of a typical kdrama, and their commentary has been interesting as we get more Korean offerings. I often find that people miss out on the cues in Japanese shows because they didn't grow up on Japanese media like I did.

For example, I was commenting to NiNi last night when we were recording for Tokyo in April is... that one of the things I like so much about second chance romance in BL is the different built-in presumptions compared to straight people. When straight people have a second chance, it's usually because one of them broke up with the other. The relationship ended because of their internal problems. In gay second chance, the relationship was often taken from them by homophobia. In Our Dating Sim, internalized homophobia made Wan run away. Same in Individual Circumstances or The Promise. In Tokyo in April is... the boys are separated by their parents. Their relationship ended against their own wills, so the reunion and second chance is different because of their queer context.

Re: KinnPorsche: The romance orientation of BL (to me) does not mix well with Mafia or horror genres because the presence of these tropes create such a weird tonal shift throughout the narrative.

I don't know. History3: Trapped exists. Tropes are storytelling tools built upon familiar beats that audiences recognize. The pinky touch doesn't belong to BL. It grew out of queer media as a way for boys to privately have a moment of intimacy. Tropes are not inherently good or bad. What matters is how they're used. Do they support the narrative and themes, or do they get in the way?

A lot of folks do not like the Blushing Maiden trope. I am variable. It matters how it's used. I think it makes sense for Pharm in Until We Meet Again. I think it makes some sense for Minato in Minato's Laundromat. I don't really like it in Heartstopper 2. Elle gets a Heel Pop in Heartstopper 2, and it's what she deserves!

As for a mafia story, putting a romance story in a crime drama often is used to ramp up the sense of tragedy because the romance can't succeed inside the rules of the crime world.

specifically with workplace/adult Thai BL: I see it going one of two main ways to continue to work (for me at least) while they also try to explore different settings, genres, and stories. Either 1) LoA route where it’s very dramatic and the characters are more caricatures and it’s not to be taken too seriously (but it’s still fun and entertaining and has some good themes) or 2) they phase out a lot of the tropes and depict more realistic queer characters in adult relationships.

I don't like binaries like this. If you had asked me at 15 when I started watching Degrassi and then sneaking around to watch other gay shit if we'd have what we call BL now, I would not have believed you.

As for Laws of Attraction, I don't know that calling the characters caricatures is accurate either. They're behaving under the surreal rules of a lakorn, a telenovela, or a soap opera. There are exaggerations in the characters, but they all make sense and are obeying the rules of their world.

As for the question about BL getting more gay, @absolutebl has covered this already. Audiences do not care about gay people. Some of the conventions of surreal BL or the bubble are why they signed up. People did not watch POSE, they do not watch stuff like For the Boys, I haven't seen anyone on Tumblr talk about Sort Of, we didn't get an explosion of new gay shit after Moonlight or Call Me By Your Name. All I wanna say is that they don't really care about us.

I think there is room for BL to genre blend and play with broader romance or dramatic themes, à la La Pluie or Moonlight Chicken. However, I'll remind you that folks don't always like that (see I Promised You The Moon).

I think the biggest thing to recognize is that, while BL does have some of its own tropes from origin yaoi or modern Thai BL, BL shares a lot of DNA with romance as a whole. Don't get lost in the sauce of the classification war. Watching BL to check off boxes about what's recognized or not as the primary goal feels like a distraction.

Besides, if you're enjoying Laws of Attraction, that show has done nothing new. It's literally just using familiar lakorn and romance beats. Humans have been telling stories for at least 20,000 years. It doesn't have to be new to be good. It just needs to be done well.

[triviareads]

ARC Review of A Nobleman's Guide to Seducing a Scoundrel by KJ Charles

Summary:

Rufus, Earl of Oxney, has dealt with multiple attempts by his uncle to take his title away from him. Now, his uncle is claiming that not only is Rufus illegitimate, but he has proof by way of Lucas Doomsday, a secretary who hails from a notorious family of local smugglers. Rufus hires Lucas to help him search through family archives for proof of his legitimacy, and Lucas agrees, in part because he has his own reasons for being at the estate...

My review:

This is the first book I've read by KJ Charles and I only wish I'd read her works sooner because this was a fabulous read. I adored both of the main characters: Rufus is an ex-soldier, honorable with a bit of a temper. But you can't blame the poor guy; he's trying his best to improve the estate after years of neglect while being constantly challenged by his terrible family. Luke is a secretary who comes from a smuggler clan, so he has a raffish edge to an otherwise (mostly) proper façade. He's a schemer who uses his powers for good when it comes to helping Rufus... and other times not so much.

I loved Rufus and Luke's relationship: it's one that comes from a place of mutual understanding and respect which initially makes them friends and allies, and that actually seems to fuel their emotional and sexual attraction. Rufus did read as demisexual to me just based on what he says (thinks) about not seeing the point of having sex with someone you don't care for. And he finds that with Luke fairly early on, even if Luke has to make the first move ("either fuck me or fire me"... he's a brat can you tell).

Both men have a good deal of familial demons, past and present, and the narrative does a great job of having the characters examine them, reconcile where they can, but otherwise creating their own found family they can be happy around. In a way, it's in direct contract to the villains of the story, mostly Rufus's own family, who are miserable with one another, and yet prize their (Norman... you'll see the word "Norman" many times) blood above all.

The mystery aspect (two mysteries, really, and then another mystery no one expected to find the answer to but stumbled across anyway) was mostly tight and well done. I do think the second half became a little too mystery-heavy at the cost of the romance, but it all tied up neatly at the end. At times I wish I'd read The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen just so I knew Luke's background, especially relating to Sir Gareth and Joss Doomsday, but KJ did a pretty good job of filling in those blanks for the reader.

The sex:

Raw. Intimate. Sexy. I can't write this review without including the droit du seigneur aspect, which starts as a joke between Rufus and Luke, but very much ends up as a kink of sort for them in that Luke wants to be taken in the manner of a feudal lord in the olden days sleeping with a vessel's wife first on their wedding night (possessive, a bit rough), which I thought was very hot, and very well done. Luke is a bit of a brat and wants to make Rufus work for it, but Rufus is absolutely willing to rise to the challenge (both Luke and Rufus seem to have a competence kink too). A relentless man, if you will.

Because of how the plot progresses, there's actually a lot more sex scenes in the first half of the book than in the second, but honestly the wait pays off because by the time they're reunited, the emotions are just that much heightened by the fact that they love one another now. I was actually near tears when Luke admits that when he first asked Rufus to "fuck him like he owns him", he really wished that he was his. It was so so romantic.

Overall:

I'd recommend this book to anyone, but specifically readers looking for a romance intertwined with a mystery or adventure, and anyone looking for a queer historical romance. I loved this book so much, and I'm looking forward to reading more KJ Charles.

Thank you to Sourcebooks Casablanca and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my review.

[k-tq]

hi!

this account will be totally dedicated to feminism, and lgb related stuff.

my core beliefs;

𓆈 abortion is a human right, and biological males should not have a say in it. it's non-negotiable.

𓆈 calling us "menstruators" and "birthers" is dehumanizing. censoring words related to women and our bodies is making it impossible to discuss women's oppression.

𓆈 women's sports should stay biological female only.

𓆈 women's spaces should be protected. that's it. there are trans inclusive spaces and trans only spaces, so it's only fair we have our own places to feel safe.

𓆈 rapists should be castrated and stigmatized :^). the current status quo is laughable at best.

𓆈 amab cannot be a lesbian without bottom surgery, and even then shaming lesbians for not being attracted to trans people is modern day conversion therapy and a quick way to being a rape apologist. lesbians don't like dicks, live mad about it.

𓆈 women should have a right to refuse to be treated by a male doctor, especially if it's a gynecologist.

𓆈 i believe the best way of getting rid of patriarchy is to get rid of gender at all, while acknowledging biological reality. no more gender stereotypes, no more gendered clothing, no more associating womanhood with feminity, submissiveness and things like that.

𓆈 men as individuals aren't inherently bad, just as women aren't inherently good, however the male socialisation and male class as a whole are a threat and should be abandoned. femicide and misogyny are real, so being cautious around men is a pretty reasonable thing.

𓆈 religion is misogynistic by nature.

𓆈 being anti-porn is being pro women.

𓆈 wishing rape/death/other "creative" things is not a good way of convincing people that you're right, that's why i believe in peaceful exchange of opinions, rather than throwing insults at each other.

i'm polish, so if you're interested in abortion discourse you may know that my country's ruling party made it almost impossible to get legal abortion. dorota, izabela, agnieszka and many others who died as a direct result of the restrictive abortion law will not be forgotten. our government officials are misogynistic, conservative men, and one of their main goals is to uphold patriarchal system and it's traditional roles no matter. this + seeing trans activists throw " you're a nazi" left and right made me peak and look deeper into radical feminism.

𓆈𓆈𓆈𓆈𓆈𓆈𓆈𓆈𓆈𓆈𓆈

last but not least i want to apologize for my english (especially grammar), for it might be full of mistakes (it definitely is lmao).

ANI JEDNEJ WIĘCEJ.

[nouearth]

i feel like the main problem with CMBYN comes from the people that romanticize it and don't realize that the people that critique it are sorta... right?

but not as in "oh that movie is wrong" but as in the story has this flawed element that builds its character. it's a coming of age about first love and sexuality that mingles onto the territory of attraction and gr**ming, it's not a love story, it's more of a love history.

(second vent in a row, srry, film student here)

💌 : speak on it!

honestly, my main problem with A LOT of 'critical think pieces' for films these days (ahem, filmtwt) is that people aren't willing to have a conversation about a controversial movie like cmbyn or poor things without resorting to personal attacks on the person holding the opposite opinion of them, and that instantly negates any will to share insights.

there is a spectrum to how we enjoy art, and that makes the conversation surrounding art so great because of the complexity of it. we all perceive it completely different, depending on our experience, age, culture, etc.

it's really strange and frustrating how we're seeing opinions become more black and white. though, that doesn't mean you can't just not like a film simply because you dislike it. that's fine. but don't go projecting it onto others who do!

and another problem?! a lot of people really want their films to be morally correct? like we, as human beings and as a society, shouldn't be watching films like poor things because it's uncomfortable? or we shouldn't watch it because it's not directly telling us that this person is bad?!

y'all... the frustration i had festering in me when i read that someone hated poor things because bella baxter is mentally a child and it was messed up that men were chasing after her. like... that's the fucking point. 😭 you can absolutely dislike, the movie is very uncomfortable in its subject matter, but it's not convoluted at all? it's just blatant misinterpretation because people aren't willing to form their own opinions and prefer piggy-backing off of others, meaning they didn't even spare the film a full watch! because if they did! they'd know the commentary in the movie was really direct!!

(sorry, i'm venting too, as an avid film fanatic)

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

My weekly roundup CW 17

I try to write down my thoughts after watching stuff to create a little weekly ranking in relation to the previous week on my, most of the times, quiet sundays (and because I love lists!). These are just my personal opinions and preferences.

And yes, this may contain spoilers!

→ 1. The Eighth Sense (9+10/10 Final)

Phew. How should I sum up my feelings about it? Korea has a knack for good stories, for me, anyway. And this story is definitely one of my favorites and one of the best I've seen so far. And you can tell it's leaning more towards western television. You can notice the Skam notation and also a bit of the Young Royals setting. But what about the last episodes? I knew there was going to be a happy ending because I was spoilered thanks to MDL, since the movie has already aired in Korea. Nonetheless, for me the journey is the destination, I also like to spoil myself on purpose sometimes. Because while I knew it would end well, I didn't know what the journey would be like. And the way was so beautiful! JaeWon is slowly realizing that his life belongs to him and he won't be better off if he excludes JiHyun from it. He worries so much about not hurting others, about what he thinks is good for others, without looking at what the others might want. He hurts JiHyun much more by avoiding him and excluding him from his life, and he's starting to realize that. And yes, in the end they meet again and this reunion climaxes in such an unbelievably great kiss and a night where both of them can hardly sleep because they can't stop looking at each other and finally enjoying each other's closeness. And JaeWon is completely absorbed in the role of "it's now or never, you only live once and screw everyone else". He's with JiHyun and he doesn't give a shit who knows it all then. And the message of it all: they don't know if they'll make it and stay together, but that doesn't stop them from trying anyway, giving themselves a chance and believing in something positive. It's worth allowing some happiness and love in your life. I am thrilled by this series. The only thing that bothered me a bit was the "reconciliation" with EunJi and TaeHyung.

↑ 2. My Story (3/10)

I was so looking forward to the next episode. Not necessarily because of the good acting of the main couple or their chemistry, but because of Zeke and Fifth! I got a really bad second-couple-syndrome! They're just so cute together, even though I really didn't need the close-ups of their feet! But Fifth was jealous! Ahhhh! And makes no bones about finding men attractive. What's going on with the main couple? I don't know. They briefly didn't interest me after the kissing-after-puking moment…that wasn't romantic that was gross!

Yes, I might be lowkey obsessed with them...

☼ 3. Happy Merry Ending (1+2/8)

Korea is coming up big this year with plots that deal with social anxiety and depression. I'm curious to see how this will be implemented here. In the first episode, we definitely learned that SeungJun has trauma and is medicated in that regard. It seems to be an important, central theme. Especially as a wedding singer who only dares to perform wearing sunglasses because he's afraid of the looks of the audience. And in return, we have JaeHyun who can fit in well with groups and new environments. I love JaeHyun already! He's so obviously hit hard with SeungJun and I love it! He is so direct and wants to spend time with him. Oh love at first sight! Love it!

☼ 4. La Pluie (1/12)

La Pluie surprised me. I didn't think the story would pick me up like that in the first episode. Yes, the concept of going deaf when it rains and only being able to hear your soulmate's voice (even if he's not present but telepathic) takes some getting used to, but I honestly found it quite cute. And yes, love at first sight is also a little favorite of mine. So Tai goes deaf but can hear his soulmate's voice in his head when it rains. However, he has mostly refused to answer him so far because he doesn't believe in soulmates or love. After all, his parents, who were also supposed to be soulmates, divorced each other. That changed his view of love. But his first encounter with the person behind the voice in his head perhaps showed him, what he might miss, if he doesn't reach out already. And as a second couple, we have an enemies-to-lovers story! I am excited!

↓ 5. Our Dining Table (4/10)

Yutaka's brother is just an asshole. But he couldn't help it as a child/teenager, but the parents could have said something. It's so easy to say you're part of the family now and then just ignore when the son bullies the adopted son like that. I want to box him and the parents. And Minoru wants to know so much more about Yutaka. He's so on his way to totally falling in love with Yutaka and his sensitive nature. And he's so sweet and insecure about it. I'm happy if Yutaka can open up to him a little bit.

↓ 6. A Boss And A Babe (9/12)

Yeah, what can I say. Gun is an idiot if he really thinks Cher betrayed him like that. And then he doesn't talk to him right away but gives him the cold shoulder first. Uncool, boss! And the friends realize that Cher was apparently a bit more serious with the boss after all. Even though they're there for him, I'm still pissed about last week. The sleepover was really nice though. Even friendships are not without drama. But it all works out in the end. Gun breaks Cher's Gameboy, but repairs it right away because of his bad conscience. But that's it for the drama, at least between Cher and Gun, right?

↑ 7. The Promise (7/10)

Party, my man! He has really thought, if you can not, Phu, then I'll show you how it's done right! Well, the result was rather so devastating, but I love how Nan reacted! As a person who has witnessed both sides, I think Nan gave the best reaction possible. He showed Party and told him that he is important to him and is and will be his best friend. And Party can now so slowly detach himself from the feeling. It is indeed easier to do such a thing when it is spoken out. Well and Phu…I even understand him. He just has zero hopes, so why jeopardize the friendship? Even though Nan took every opportunity to touch Phu's face in the morning…You can apply sunscreen several times, come on I'll show you. Yeah, right! The two of them have to finally talk to each other. And of course Phu isn't Nan's best friend anymore, because Nan doesn't consider him a friend anyway, he just doesn't quite understand yet what Phu actually is to him. Good episode.

↓ 8. Naked Dining (3/10)

Ohhhh, Futa is jealous! You can tell already very much that the two like each other a bit much. And finally the naked dining was back! And also with the homemade food he made together with Mahori. Yes, this is a rather quiet series as well. I don't know how much drama we can expect, but so far it's a gentle sprinkling. And I'm permanently hungry by the time I'm done with the episodes…

↓ 9. Step By Step (2/12)

Hm. I don't know. I don't like Jeng? And all the colleagues just suck! And then Pat is supposed to leave the only one who is nice to him and who is on the same page with him alone, because there might be gossip? That's bullshit! So I found the second episode not quite as convincing. The friends, on the other hand, except for the slip of his friend, who met professionally with his ex, I still find great!

↓ 10. Our Skyy 2 (3+4/16)

I really wanted to like it. But shit, was it boring! It's a fireworks display of cheesy dialogue…And what kind of ring is that? Am I just too anti-romantic to find that beautiful? I mean, yes, cute, sunflower and star together, but that's too much for a ring…And I have an idea for a new drinking game: A shot every time one of the two says I love you! And finally the cringiest quotes...

"Dao, you're trusting the right person, because I no longe know how to love anyone else. You're the only one I love." "Will you eat breakfast first or eat me first?" "I am all yours, Kluen. Yours and yours only, Kluen." "Once our home is done, our parents will discuss our wedding plans." (Even though Kluen didn't ask and Dao couldn't say yes…)

→ 11. Tin Tem Jai

I took notes: Why did a series like Tin Tem Jai have to include a drug storyline? There was no resolution to the story whatsoever, except that Kana would hit Pao if he took drugs again. Problem solved…Wow! Screw Pao's problems, they'll take care of themselves! Next, I noted: Why does Tin continue to be portrayed as this little boy. That just feels wrong to me. And again, I ask myself the question, how old is Tin supposed to be? And further, you guys can just kiss like that. You don't have to wait until your birthday. The whole kissing contact just doesn't feel good. There's just too much riding on the fact that Park is so much older and more experienced than Tin. I am constantly confused and not feeling good. Luckily next epsiode will be the last one! Finally!

[transamorousnetwork]

Trans Women Wanted A Movie About Trans-Attracted Men: They Got One

A big complaint about trans-attracted men has been that they’re too chicken shit to come out and own their trans-attraction. Some celebrities have come out acknowledging their attraction to trans women, or have been outed by others. And, at least several trans-attracted men I know are out loud about their orientation. One wrote a book about his attraction. Another has a book in the works.

Still, the trans community generally has expressed dismay that trans-attracted men remain scared to out themselves. Trans women say if more did, society would accept transgender women more. Some trans women even express interest in someone making a movie about the subject.

Years ago, The Crying Game was that movie. It was pretty good as far as it went.

But Richard Gadd’s Baby Reindeer, which debuted on Netflix last month, took the genre to a whole freaking other level. Trans women got their wish, again.

Let’s take a look at what I think is a tour de force in LGBTQ cinema for many, many, many reasons. Over the next few posts, I’m going to weigh in on this magnificent limited series from multiple angles.

Spoil alerts!

Talking about the show without giving away spoilers would be really tough. In this post, I’ll do my best to avoid spoiling the really good parts. I can’t promise I’ll do so in the next posts. You should go watch it, therefore.

Baby Reindeer features a main character named Donny. He’s a bartender and aspiring comedian. One day a woman comes into the bar. But this is no joke. Donny immediately perceives she’s having a hard time. That woman turns out to be a major stalker who ends up stalking Donny for years. Donny’s relationship with this woman seems like the main plot.

But another one overwhelms the stalker story in my opinion. That one, we discover, is Donny’s trans attraction, how he discovered it and what happens as he tries to overcome his MASSIVE, INTENSE and world-shaping shame and self-loathing.

^^Baby Reindeer: Number one on Netflix. From Actress Nava Mau’s Instagram profile (Photo from Instagram). 

It’s a true story

What’s really good about this is Baby Reindeer is a true story. It’s also HIGHLY fictionalized. Still, Gadd, the creator, did a great job fleshing out all the characters, making them believable, nuanced and many-layered. No villains exist here, which is good because villains and victims both are fictions. Everyone creates their reality.

The reason I love that Baby Reindeer is true is that it offers deep insight into the lives of trans-attracted men. Now, not all men who are attracted to trans women are like the guy depicted in the series. Still, of the dozens of men I’ve spoken to or worked with, some things do ring true, things portrayed in the main character’s personality.

At least 60 percent of the men I’ve spoken to or worked with have divergent sexual experiences. Not all of them were “abused”. But many experimented with avant-garde sexual practices. This includes experimenting with male siblings at a young age (which is more common than I thought), fantasizing about sexual acts with their mothers, or even being curious about acts with animals.

At least two of my trans-attracted clients experienced suicidal ideation borne of extreme self-loathing. At a key moment in the series, Donny says he goes through everything he experiences because of his intense self hatred. I’ll revisit the power of self-directed hatred later. It’s important.

The point here isn’t that trans-attracted men are weird or sick. It’s that they came here with a curiosity around a subject most people find so taboo, their beliefs on the subject are intense and likely to trigger harsh judgements. They also cause extreme conservatism towards sex, even though some of those same people who harbor taboo perspectives on these curiosities act out the curiosities themselves. I know this because they often get caught.

Self-loathing common among many

There’s a lot of harsh judgement in Baby Reindeer. Donny does the worst of it, which causes his life trajectory to careen into darkness.

Avid readers of this blog who watch the show will notice that Donny acknowledges as the cause of all the shit that goes down, his extremely intense self-hatred. Again, in one revealing and powerful scene, he admits loving his self-hatred more than anything else, including other people, including himself.

That’s a powerful acknowledgment.

Many trans-attracted men share this powerful hatred. It may not be as intense as it is portrayed in Donny’s life. After all, the story is highly fictionalized. But it’s still there in many trans-attracted men and still intense. That intense emotion always attracts circumstances matching the vibration underneath hatred. And many people have self hatred going on in them. Especially transgender women.

So when watching the show it should be no surprise to anyone that Donny experiences all that he does: failure in his relationship with a cis woman; failure in his dreams to become a comedian; rape at the hands of a male predator; a crazy stalker, and, generally, a fucked up life. It’s all fascinating to watch, painful at times, but so spot on about how the Universe works.

Self-loathing is what makes people “victims”. Remember, there aren’t any victims because people draw to them through their beliefs experiences they live through. “Victims” are vibrational matches to “perpetrators”. Together, they perform a dance, a dance that can destroy and even end in death.

Lives created through self-loathing

Such experiences attempt to alert the person to what’s going on in them. No one can create an experience outside their persistent beliefs. That’s why we encourage clients to clean up their beliefs. Doing so can dramatically improve one’s life experience. Especially in love.

But if a person holds beliefs like Donny does, that person’s experience will look much like the character’s life. The experiences will start as much less intense. Ignored though, and they will increase in intensity. The person will then feel unsatisfied or “unlucky”. In that dissatisfaction, they’ll complain about their life. They’ll see only the worst happening. And in that focus, they’ll invite even more unfortunate experiences.

This often plays out in comments to this blog. I’ll offer absolutely overwhelming evidence the majority of people support trans people, for example, and nearly every commenter will double down on their focus. A focus on things proving their beliefs that the world is against them is “true”. Even though ample evidence shows it’s not.

What those people don’t understand is, that focus is exactly why they experience these experiences. And no one need experience them! Except those who are matches to those experiences.

Getting what they wanted

Baby Reindeer is an amazing movie about trans attraction. And I haven’t even mentioned the spectacular performance delivered by the beautiful transgender actress Nava Mau. I recommend every trans woman watch Baby Reindeer. Every trans-attracted man should too. Maybe those men will see themselves in the Donny character and do something that will help them change their own life experiences.

There’s so much more I can write about this spectacular series. And I’m going to do so in the next post. In the meantime, go watch it. It’s on Netflix.

If you have seen it, share your perspective. What did you think? One client who watched it, watched all seven episodes in one night. Afterwards he could only text me one word: Fascinating.

Transgender women have been asking for a movie like this for a long time. Well, they got one.

[gemstarstarlight]

From the pews

Welcome, God.

I sit in church. Week by week, I endure. I listen, I understand; I try to understand the perspectives, the worldviews, of a people that are increasingly not like me.

I hear people say that God’s design is families, that God works in families. That single people exist, and God has provision for that, but the main story of the Bible is families. That ultimately God designs for us to be in families, and that means marriage and children.

I think of God working in a highly patriarchal society where a woman was truly safer married than single, where everyone came from a family (where blood family was very important but could also could mean member of a household, a servant of a family or a second cousin of a patriarch or any number of things that were bigger than just the initial top family unit), where divorce would be worse for everyone involved and the woman was immediately vulnerable, where being a widow was a terrible fate for women because they couldn’t provide for themselves, and many of the passages on singleness in the Bible are in the New Testament where it was a bit more safe and normal for people to be single and devoted to God.

I think of Adam and Eve, childless before the Fall.

I think of the pages in the Bible God put in about slavery, where slavery was a practice in the Bible, but in God’s initial design for Israel (that Israel frequently failed in) it was temporary, treated like an indentured servant, and it was only for specific circumstances and not to be born into. I think of how slaves were given rights, rights that weren’t seen in any other culture at the time. I think of the more broad and more easy-to-interpret-as-bad ideas about slavery (that slaveowners in America absolutely took advantage of without realizing that slavery outlined in Leviticus wasn’t racially motivated or permanent or assumed subhumanity) were actually in the New Testament, in a culture that was Greco-Roman, distinctly not Israelite or following the laws outlined in the Torah, and there was little slaves could do to not be in their position. I think about how God actually called the Israelites out of slavery in Exodus, which speaks much more loudly about his opinion on slavery than anything else.

I think of God, working in cultures regardless of what they value most and what they consider normal, understanding we have preconceptions about how the world works and putting in structures and ideas so we can follow him even in an “imperfect” society with ideas we haven’t even thought to question yet.

I think of God putting revelation knowledge in our church fathers, encouraging us to follow the Bible the best way we can. I think of how many of them were single. I think of the monasteries and abbeys, men and women living in communities of singleness with each other, leading other communities to Jesus. I think about how until the Protestant Reformation, the pendulum had swung so far in the other direction that people who wanted to serve God weren’t allowed to marry, even though Peter, considered the first church father, had a wife. I think how even in Peter’s case, we only know about him being married because Jesus healed his mother-in-law, and that much more emphasis was put on his devotion to God.

I come home. I drink tea, alone in my house. I stare at the pride pin on my backpack. The mark of the single, the mark of the childless, the mark of the person who will almost certainly be unable to give her body to a husband. The orange and white and blue of those without attraction, but not without love.

I think of the sacrifice and sacrament of marriage, the intention being a mutual serving, of loving as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her, of submitting as to the Lord and not to men, of choosing to trust even if you don’t know or understand yet.

I think of the people who have loved me unconditionally. I think of the people who have encouraged me to submit my life to God, even if I don’t understand why yet and fear for the future. I think of those who have held me as I weep for the future I have lost, but tell me to trust God and that he has a place for me no matter what.

I think of the people I love and who I can care for. I think about the people I speak for, who I speak to and why.

And I wonder.

If I have devoted my life to God and gotten a sea of people who love me and who I can love in return, is that not a family?

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭68‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

[zalrb]

this isn't directed at you more so at the anons here but: this isn't the place for questions about shows directed at queer audiences. you may think you understand a lot but clearly camp as a concept escapes you or you wouldn't be so harsh about sam reid's performance as lestat. i'm pretty sure you even referred to yourself as straight in an answer to an ask at some point and you don't seem to have interest in queer characters or ships that aren't het so why should your opinion matter?

you're out there comfortably boasting your take on a lesbian character (willow rosenberg) and her superior chemistry with a male character and i'm bi, i'll be the first to say that given her past attraction to men they could have gone down the route of making her bisexual and it's only the context of the times and queer rep in general being what it was that stopped it but as it is willow is a lesbian whether you like it or not willow canonically is a lesbian and i find it just baffling that you would not even be able to find one moment of chemistry that matches up or exceeds the chemistry oz/willow had with the chemistry of her love interest of four fucking seasons. if the only point of comparison was kennedy/willow than fine despite the fact that in the show's canon oz/willow only happened because of willow's comp het the chemistry between her and kennedy was still lacking but tara?? and it's not like there aren't other exemples you're out here using xena/ares as an exemple for an ask about chemistries and xena is one of the most queer coded shows of all time. but let's not talk about that let's focus on ares/xena i guess even though xena's main love interest is gabrielle and the only thing stopping the subtext from being fully text is again the times. you managed to watch spartacus and somehow again in four seasons no queer ships got your attention. the self proclaimed fucking authority on chemistry only found grace in het ships when agron/nasir was right here and gaia/lucrezia or lucrezia/ilithyia but even if we forget ships you don't talk about queer characters on their own either. and the one that genuinely angers me the most: black sails. this show is too fucking good for you. not only have you managed to again ignore all the queer characters and queer ships (miranda/thomas/flint, thomas/flint, flint/silver, maxanor, maxanne. and these are just the canon ones) but you've also paid dust to the black characters. except for madi and i like madi, i like silvermadi too so it sure is ironic i literally went to see your black sails tag just to see if i'm being too harsh but no it's just as horrendous hot takes from a straight girl as i remembered it. literally first post you wish you could find silvermadi content without flint and it exists. if you type silvermadi you'll find some. silver/madi/flint content is usually tagged differently and some people also see parallels between silver/madi/flint to other trios in the show it's not that complicated but you sound so fucking entitled whining about how you don't find content for your straight ship from a show AIMED AT QUEER AUDIENCES like girl shut up. have some sense. i've never seen the eleanor/rodgers shippers (yes they exist) whine about their ship having less content than maxanor or eleanor/vane because they know what show they're watching but clearly you don't"

i'm pretty sure you even referred to yourself as straight in an answer to an ask at some point

Yes, because I used to talk about whether or not I thought something was queer baiting but now, I'm like, what I have to say about the subject doesn't matter because I'm straight, my opinion on what is and what isn't queer baiting doesn't matter. It wasn't like I was asked what do you think of this ship and went omg no I'm straight, I can't talk about wlw or mlm relationships. Come on.

you're out there comfortably boasting

You mean, stating an opinion.

wouldn't be so harsh about sam reid's performance as lestat

I didn't think I was harsh at all, I just said I didn't think he was charismatic as he was supposed to be or as menacing as he was supposed to be.

you're out here using xena/ares as an exemple for an ask about chemistries and xena is one of the most queer coded shows of all time. but let's not talk about that let's focus on ares/xena i guess even though xena's main love interest is gabrielle and the only thing stopping the subtext from being fully text is again the times.

I used Xena/Ares as an example for the ask because I was making a point about a specific kind of chemistry, which was a simmering, anger-to-passion type of chemistry and Gabrielle/Xena wouldn't have fit the context of the post,

the self proclaimed fucking authority on chemistry

So clearly you don't understand sarcasm because the only time I've said I Am The Authority On Chemistry is as a facetious response to anons like you who keep saying that I call myself an authority on chemistry when that has literally never happened.

I am so fucking tired of this.

only found grace in het ships when agron/nasir was right here and gaia/lucrezia or lucrezia/ilithyia

Pretty much every time I mention Spartacus, I also mentioned Agron and Nasir because I loved watching them together? I also speak about Pietros and Barca

but even if we forget ships you don't talk about queer characters on their own either.

So I don't talk about Annanlise. Or Tegan. Or Connor. Never spoke about Burt and Irv. Never spoke about Lafayette. Never spoke about Mickey or Ian or Gallavich. Never spoke about Chiron, never spoke about Kevin. Never spoke about Isaac. Never spoke about Damon, never spoke about Ricky, never spoke about Pray Tell, never spoke about Even, never spoke about Isak, never spoke about Mateo etc.

literally first post you wish you could find silvermadi content without flint and it exists.

OK so let's not act as if it isn't common for tumblr to ignore a canon ship involving Black women in favour of non-canon ships between white men -- in fact I was accused of upholding the same type of preference because I ship Merthur over Arwen despite the multiple breakdowns that I have as to why and the fact that I go hard for Gwencelot -- that's why I was annoyed looking through the tag that everything I had seen about Silvermadi also included Flint. I have dismissed Silverflint in the past, shouldn't have done that.

Madi and Silver are the ship I care about on the show, a lot of the times there is that One Ship I focus on with a show, for Severance it was all about Burt and Irv, I barely spoke about anything else unless asked, for Living Single, it's all about Max and Kyle, I never mention Overton and Synclaire, for Charmed it's Piper Leo etc. etc. because Black Sails isn't a show that I love, I don't talk about any of the characters much -- including Madi -- unless asked. The fact that you're acting like there is a wealth of complex, nuanced, well-written Black characters on the show is kind of astounding to me because there are four and they're not all written equally. When asked, I spoke about what I liked about Max, what I liked about Madi, what I liked about Mr. Scott and what I liked about the Maroon Queen

but the actress made homophobic statements

I didn't know that.

So, like, I'm not really sure what you wanted to accomplish with this ask. I can't comment on IWTV or Sam Reid's performance as Lestat because I'm straight? Don't talk about wlw/mlm ships because I don't think Tara and Willow have chemistry? Don't say anything about Black Sails because Silvermadi is my OTP? No one ask me anything that has anything to do queer characters or ships because you don't like my opinions on certain ships and characters? Like what?

I'm also surprised that you're still lurking considering how much you detest my opinions??

[not-poignant]

Hello! Just out of curiosity. So we’ve learned a lot about male peak alphas in the underline universe, but what are significant differences between female alphas and peak alphas? Also which of your other female characters do you think are peak alphas? (i’m thinking of eva from tgatnw!) Thank you💜

Hiya anon!

The main difference between peak alpha women (and peak alphas with uteruses) and peak alpha men (and peak alphas with testicles) is that the high levels of ardolphogen actually make them really struggle to conceive and carry children to term, whereas peak alphas with functioning testicles tend to be hypervirile.

It's one of the reasons there's less peak alphas in the world in general. Crielle herself went into the line of science she went into, because she's a peak alpha who couldn't get pregnant without significant long-term medical intervention and hormonal supplementation. Gwyn would have been an impossibility, otherwise.

Everything else, just about, is the same. They can both issue directives, both can issue strong alpha persuasion, both command a room, both evoke feelings of fear and/or terror in the people around them just by kind of willing it, both aren't really attracted to omegas, and both are drawn to control over communities and corporations over having control in a partnership (vs. alphas who generally look for control in a partnership).

As for any other peak alpha women in the universe based off my other characters, I'm not sure! Eva definitely not (at least not in my view, apologies!), she's too loving honestly, and too naturally maternal even to strangers (i.e. Jack), and I think she'd be squarely in the alpha camp. I don't actually know if I've written many other characters that fit being a peak alpha, even Augus was a reach and I made him 'atypical' for a reason within the universe.

Splannet Odayi from The Nascent Diplomat is a candidate though? Maybe? I can't really think of anyone else. But I write multi-ship potential m/m which means by necessity big ensemble casts still need to be stacked with guys / characters who have dicks, so there just isn't a huge breadth of characters to choose from either.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Gilda (Vidor, 1946)

This review contains spoilers.

I probably complain with some regularity that movies these days ain’t like they used to be and I’d hate to sound like a broken record, but one specific respect in which movies are definitely worse is that we’ve stopped making ones about characters who are Next Level Hot. Characters who are so distressingly attractive it becomes the driving force behind the decisions of everyone around them. Perhaps the subject has been on my mind since my recent viewing of The Swimming Pool, in which three of the principals are unbelievably attractive and the fourth one is played by Maurice Ronet, and the relative levels of attractiveness are used to direct audience sympathies, having us practically beg for the uggo to be removed from the screen by any means necessary. (Listen, I know there are thorny sexual politics at play, but I am all for opening the borders of Next Level Hotness beyond the confines of ideals of conventional attractiveness. It’s a vibe more than anything.)

Now if anyone comes up with modern examples that I’m not aware of, I don’t actually care, I just needed an in to start talking about this movie, which definitely falls in this category. In the parlance of a wise man, I’ve done the research, I’ve looked at the facts, I’ve analyzed the hard data and my conclusion is that there are few things sexier than the way Rita Hayworth throws her head back and lets her hair bounce for a moment. The movie is best known for a number of performances by Hayworth, most notably the (racy by the standards of the ‘40s) striptease to “Put the Blame on Mame”, which most overtly communicate her most magnetic qualities, but even outside these scenes her character throws the entire screen into a web of sexual tension anytime she appears or is even mentioned.

You have Glenn Ford hired by shady casino owning bigshot George Macready to look after his casino and also his wife Hayworth (introduced with that trademark hair bounce). Ford is trapped initially by the confines of his role and also the situations Hayworth forces him to cover up with her promiscuous behaviour, something Macready may or may not be aware of. So there’s an element of control exerted upon Ford, which reverses when Macready exits the situation by feigning his demise and Ford becomes the one exerting control on Hayworth, driven perhaps by past grievances. So there’s a palpable psychosexual charge to the proceedings from the kinked out dynamic both men have with Hayworth and each other. (Also of importance: the phallic weapon with which Macready kills his enemies. Never trust a man with a spring-loaded blade in his cane.) To paraphrase the words of a high school math teacher when I challenged him on the dimensions of an aesthetically pleasing rectangle, Freud would have a field day with this movie, although I must concede that faking your own death to act out your cuckold fetish seems a bit extreme.

This plays out against a backdrop of a post World War II Argentina milieu, where Macready seems mixed up with a bunch of sinister Germans with whom he forms a tungsten cartel. The movie doesn’t seem terribly interested in the particulars (something about patents and laundering money through the casino) and admits as much when we see Ford looking inattentive as he’s being questioned by a police inspector. I suppose this does give the movie a slight atmosphere of corruption (although the Old Hollywood production values keep this from feeling too seamy), but quite frankly I found the dynamic between the main characters engaging enough that I could do without it.

[house-of-mirrors]

3 and 11 for the ask game?

From this game

3. weapon of choice? any particular reason they chose their weapon?

Orsinio: Poison. From the beginning I knew he was a subtle, sneaky person who lacked physical strength, and his dangerous stat came from being an expert poisoner. It was a delightful coincidence how Nemesis went.

Samuel: Harpoon. He's a monster hunter with a long history of zailing.

Lucretia: Honestly idk? She's not a physical person. If she's upset she'll throw a punch. And she's a doctor, so she'd always have a scalpel on her person.

Miles: Charms. They're dangerous when it comes to manipulating people with spellbinding words. If it has to be a physical weapon, a dagger strapped to their thigh. They've never used it on anyone though, I don't think, just when the weeping scars thing happened.

Skies captain: Gun. A pistol is practical in the close quarters they spend most of their time in.

Got a bit personal lol so under the cut

11. what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

Oh boy. Well let's start this off by saying all my little guys are morally gray and I would not make the same choices they do on a regular basis sldkfjsdl, also I am in therapy whilst these guys are in the Victorian era

Orsinio is my main and very special to me lol, he gets my disabilities, adhd struggles, and trans of gender. Also being short. And enjoying Mr Wines. He's the one that when I'm having a bad day I put in the wriggler

Samuel gets the autism wins, he embodies my desire to communicate without speaking, also the inherent gender of being a dad

Miles. What is going on with you, Miles. Very little in common with them, I made them intentionally to be a villain. I suppose there is some emotion there with complex feelings about family legacy but Miles has it taken waaaay to the extreme. And I did also make them to be very gender

Lucretia gets my complex feelings about being AFAB (I'm trans, she isn't) and feeling a connection to traditional femininity and attraction* towards men (*in the most aroace and bi sense for me, whilst the character is het-ace)

Skies Captain is also short. A bit of wish fulfillment, gets to feel comfortable in their transmasc/nonbinary gender while presenting femininely from time to time, and has their emotions taken seriously despite not being very expressive

Bonus: Horatio is Orsinio's older brother and gets the mental eelness with the multifaceted anxiety disorder

Would get along with Samuel and Lucretia and see them as cool older friends. Honestly could go many directions with Orsinio with his intense personality, but at the very least we'd be nice research partners and bond over world being inaccessible and whacking people with cane. And I would punch Miles within 30 seconds of meeting (almost everyone they meet has that response). Would vibe with skies captain, we'd exchange poetry.