#oh and idk why it asks to proceed for adult content. i don’t think it has adult content?

[jackass-noir]

i’m not dead B)

have a little aroace sonadow as a treat

[libraryofloveletters]

a fic of chim coming back to live with you as he bunked with Buck due to covid while you worked at the hospital

Home

Howard “Chimney” Han x Reader 

Warnings: mentions of covid, alcohol and the consumption of, teasing Eddie about Buck (for my Buddie stans)

Category: Fluff with a lil bit of angst 

Word Count: 2k

Author’s Note: I have more Chim content coming soon :) also I didn’t proof-read this so idk hopefully it's okay 

-- 

“Hey you” you smile at Chim over the phone, he called you while he was getting ready for work, you on the other hand, now getting home from a shift. 

“Hey, how was work?” he asked while pouring some coffee into a mug, his phone was up against the wall. 

“Hectic but that’s a norm” you proceed to go through your after work routine which consists of disinfecting everything that comes in with you, your scrubs in the washing machine and straight to the bathroom you go. “What time are you off tonight love?” you turned on the shower, the phone rested face up on the counter. 

“6 this afternoon, if they don’t need me any longer. What time is your shift ?” he took a sip of the coffee, his face contorting at the overly hot liquid. You chuckled at his little scrunched up expression, “I start at 7 but I got to be in around 6:30″ 

“Oh my god, is that y/n?” you wrap the towel around yourself when you hear Buck’s voice and heavy footsteps approaching. Picking up the phone so they would see you again, “hi buckaroo, how’s life with your roommate ?” 

“Y/n, I'm begging you. Please take him back” Buck was half dressed, you knew they had to leave for work what should have been 15 minutes ago if they wanted to be on time. 

“Is he driving you crazy yet Buck ?” 

“Yet?” he shouted, “he’s been doing that since day one!” 

“Buck shut up and go get dressed. Stop talking to your lady friend.” Chim rolled his eyes. “Ohhh does he have a little girlfriend ?” you tease, you can hear Buck shout a shut up in your general direction making you smile. 

“Why don't you come home babe ? I'm sure Buck would be happy to have his apartment back to himself” 

“I can’t, you know that” he gives you an apologetic look

“It’s not that you can’t, you just don't want to.” 

“Y/n I-” he opens his mouth but you cut him off, “C’mon, we’re both working and yeah, we both need to take the precautions necessary to keep ourselves safe, which we’re already doing. Just think about it? Please ? I miss you.” 

“I know,” he sighs, running a hand over his face. “I know- I'll think about it okay ? I miss you too” 

“I’m gonna take a shower and try to get some sleep. I love you, be safe okay?” 

“I love you too and I will. I'll text you before your shift” Chim blew you a kiss, you blew one back and hung up. 

-- 

The door to your apartment was propped open as Eddie helped you move the new couch.  “No, no lift it! You're going to scratch the floor!” Eddie warned you because you were pulling the couch from your end. You had spilt chocolate ice cream on the couch and the stain just wouldn’t come out. In all fairness, it wasn’t just ice cream, the couch was old as hell. It wouldn't hurt to replace it so you did just that. Eddie was over to help you because one, he’s the only person you knew with a pick up truck who would help you move both couches on a short notice, two, Chim was working and you didn’t really feel like telling him that you were getting rid of his favourite couch and three, Eddie was your best friend, if you asked him to help you bury a body, he’d drop what he was doing and come help you and you'd do the same for him. 

After managing to get it into the apartment, you finally get it where you want it. “How about a beer for all your hard work ?” you asked, walking to the kitchen. Eddie took a seat on the couch, “how about you watch Chris next Saturday for me and I'll still take the beer for all my hard work ?” he called out, making you chuckle. “You got a deal, Diaz” you sit beside him, handing him a bottle. 

“Chim’s still staying with Buck, right ?” he takes a sip as he looks over at you. You can't help but sigh, “yeah, why? Jealous that you can't have your boyfriend all to yourself, Eddie ?” you tease, Eddie gives you a slight shove. He wouldn’t admit it but the mention of Buck being his boyfriend made him blush. The two of you sat there just catching up on life, it had been a while since you last saw Eddie. 

“How’s Chris adjusting to the whole online school ?” you ask, Eddie groans, “It was a little hard at first, they didn’t have a set schedule for a few days and it was hard for him. Now, he's got the hang of it, he really seems to like his teacher.” Eddie tells you, you smile. 

“Maybe I'll pop by one day if I’m off. They have me working back to back, so I should have a few days off next week” 

“Yeah, that would be nice. Chris misses you. The last few weeks have just been me and Carla who he only sees via FaceTime, it’d be nice to have someone else around.” 

“Oh his other dad didn’t come by ?” you ask, Eddie’s brows furrow. He had that adorable confused look he gets. 

“Buck, I'm talking about Buck” 

“Oh,” the same blush appears on Eddie’s face but he shakes his head. “Not yet”

Your phone was tucked under your leg as you shifted towards the side of the couch, your legs now stretched in front of you. The phone was somewhere under your leg when Eddie changed the topic back to you and Chim and what was happening there. 

Across the city, Buck’s phone rings. “Hey y/n!” he says, the audio from your end sounds muffled. “Y/n ? Helloooo?” Buck calls again and it still sounds muffled. He listens for a few seconds, setting the phone on speaker and resting it beside him on the counter. The sound is coming through clearly now and it sounds like you and Eddie were having a conversation. Buck debated for a minute, does he hang up or should he keep listening ? It was wrong to eavesdrop but it’d be even worse to hang up, he just had to know what the conversation was about. 

Curiosity always killed the cat. 

Buck listened, Eddie had asked you something that he didn’t quite catch but he listened to your reply. “God, I miss him you know ? It took forever to get used to sleeping by myself again and I know I do it when he’s on shift but it’s not the same” you tell him, Eddie hums. Continuing with your thought, “I just want him home I don't care if it’s selfish but what’s the worst that could happen, ya know?” 

“You both work equally dangerous jobs right now, he knows that. He worries about you” Eddie says. “Yeah and I worry about him too, but I'd worry a little less if I got to see him.” you mumble, the sound of something clinking from your end. 

Buck wanted to hang up but he wanted Chim out of his apartment a little more than he wanted to hang up. His need to hear what was happening was a little stronger than his moral compass, Maybe there’s something in here to make his case to Chim.

Chim pushes the door open, his bag dropping to the floor. Buck was hunched over the counter, his eyes on his phone. “Hey” Chim says, walking over to Buck. Buck looks like a deer in headlights, “Chim” his eyes go from the phone to Chim and then back to the phone. Eddie begins talking before Buck could end the call. 

“He’s just taking precautions, y/n” 

“I know that Eddie but so is everyone else. He's just being a stubborn ass” you groan. 

Buck looks over at Chim, an apologetic look on his face. “Does she-” Chim whispered, Buck shook his head. 

“Cut him some slack, he’s trying” Eddie spoke up

“Eddie, stop trying to justify his actions. Everyone is taking precautions, he's not the only one that’s worried about that. You’ve got a kid at home and you still go home to him! All of you have families to go home to and you all do, what’s the difference here ? We’re two grown adults, I don't see what the issue is.” your voice raises slightly. 

Chim leaned over and ended the call. “How long have you been listening ?” He questions the blonde man, Buck turns to lean against the counter. “A few minutes before you walked in.” Chim nodded, he stood there for a few seconds before turning on his heels and headed towards the couch. 

“What are you doing ?” Buck follows him, all the clothes that had been scattered across his living room, the same ones that had been driving him insane, were now tossed into a bag. 

“I’m going home, Buck. Unless you want me to sta-” “god no, go home” Buck answered a little too quickly. “Uh- sorry. You're more than welcomed to stay if you’d like” Buck mumbles, Chim shakes his head and laughed. “Thanks for letting me crash.” He patted Buck’s shoulder as he headed to the door. 

---

Eddie was still lazing on the couch when the door unlocked. He looked over his shoulder to see Chim walking in. “Hey” Eddie sits up, “hey, where are they ?” Chim sets the bag down on the floor, he walks to the kitchen leaving Eddie on the couch. 

“Shower, should be out soon I think.” He gets up and walks towards the door, “I’ll head out and give you guys some space” Eddie says.

“Yeah, thanks for hanging out with them.” Chim smiles, Eddie gives him one back. 

“Anytime man, tell them I said bye. Oh and I'll text later about babysitting”  Eddie heads out, pulling the door shut behind him.

Chim knocked on the bathroom door before walking in. “Get out! Can't whatever you want wait dude? I'm in the shower” you groan from behind the curtain, Chim smiles at the sound on your voice. He’s talked to you everyday since he’s been staying with Buck, but it sounded different in person. 

“Yeah, it can wait” he leaned back against the counter, your head pops out from behind the curtain. 

“You're home!” you seemed excited yet confused. 

“I’m home” he smiles 

“Wait, is Eddie still out there?” 

“He went home, said something about babysitting ?” 

You nodded before pulling the curtain shut again. “What changed your mind ?” you called out, continuing with your shower.  “Your phone call to Buck.” his fingers tapped against the counter. “What phone call ?” 

“Seems like you accidentally called and we overheard. Well, he did, I only heard the last part about me being a stubborn ass” 

Chim saw the towel disappear behind the shower curtain, you pushed it back and stepped out, the towel now around you. “I didn’t realize I called Buck, I'm sorry.” 

“No, I'm glad you did. You’re right. Everyone else has families and everyone’s okay.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, we’ll be okay too” 

“So you're saying I'm right ?” stepping towards your boyfriend, your arms wrap around his neck, resting on his shoulders. Chim’s hands find their way to your waist, pulling you closer to him and closing the gap between the two of you. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Happy ?” he asked, you nodded. 

“Always happy when I'm with you” you smiled at him. 

--- 

taglist: @dralexreid @ssa-volturi @advicefromnixxxx @keenmarvellover @venusrosepetal @mikaelson-emma @beth-winchester21

[chrsitophwaltz]

MICKEY MEETS FC BAYERN (PART 4/4)

for the entire houston clownery experience click here

psa: if you’ve read the last 3 parts, then you know the drill. i just wanna add that i don’t know how coherent this is bc writing it drained me already. i typed it straight from my garbage brain so this is obviously NOT SAFE FOR WORK. if you’re brave or thirsty enough, or have holy water at the ready, then by all means please proceed.

*matthew mcconaughey voice* alright alright alright

we’ve reached the end, folks! it’s taken me longer than i thought to put this part out. mainly because my brain still can’t comprehend that this actually happened. y’all know that feeling where something happened and you just floated right through it then a few hours later when you’re all alone it hits and destroys you like a fucking trainwreck?

yeah, that’s what it’s been like.

so to recap:

friday: the team arrived. i was positioned nicely near the bus exit and my mind, body, and soul had been buzzing and ready for that moment. i had it all well-rehearsed too: niko steps out, i scream like a banshee for his name, he comes over-- with soft hair and glorious stubble and all-- to sign my shirt and take a gazillion pics. oh, and of course i try not to faint or drool all over him. it was almost fullproof. the problem? he never stepped out. he and thiago went straight to the airport for a press conference and were never in the team bus. i was ready to unleash death right then and there.

but oh well. all hope isn’t lost. i’m gonna be five rows behind the bayern bench the next day during the game anyway. got the tickets within an hour or so after sales opened. i can thirst to my heart’s content over him and his beautiful backside for two hours. and i had this huge ass sign ready, asking for his bottle. it’s bigger and brighter than my life. he CANNOT possibly miss that, right?

saturday: game day! i’ve been buzzing the entire morning and early afternoon. today’s the day! my first time inside a football (american) stadium too. and i was kinda nervous about my sign’s debut too. what if he does see it and give me his bottle? what would i do? do i manage to keep cool or do i smash it right into my eye socket in front of him? until now i still don’t know

so we go down to the stadium. my sign was getting some attention too. people, bayern fans and madridies alike, stopped me and asked what it meant (i had to sheepishly explain to random people that yes, i am indeed asking for his bottle, and no, y’all don’t wanna know why). some guy even got it on his video camera but idk what he did with it sjdfdjkfdjkfsfs

i got settled into my seat and h o l y s h i t i was so close to the pitch and the bench! all the drama? i got it! all the shirt-changing action? i got em too! and all the angry niko antics??? best believe they’re seared into my mind forever and ever!!!!

(dare i say, with full risk of sounding like a downright whore, the man’s got real juicy buns in the back oven. like, fuck me!!!! he’s fit as fucking fuck!!!!!!!! he also loves to whistle and scream instructions and mouth off to hansi on the bench. oh, and to randomly thrust his hips like nobody’s fuckin business!!!!!!!!)

(srsly niko, why do that???? GET OFF MY DAMN NECK!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!! my 17-year old sister was beside me and i had to be 110% a responsible, sane adult!!!!!!! even the guy sitting behind us eventually caught on to my thirst since he saw me filming niko the whole duration of the game sddbsjfdjfnsm)

anyway, niko LOVES to hydrate and he probably finished around 4-5 bottles of water. at one point he looked over at where i was and i’m sure as h e l l he saw my sign (it was a huge ass board). but guess what? it’s like he knew just how desperate i was and kept on sexily chugging. god fucking dammit, niko!!!!

y’all know what happened to all those bottles? NOTHING! they’re just piled up on the bench never to be used again. i was right there, niko! A CRUMB! just one fuckin crumb was all i asked for!!!!!!!!!!!! he could’ve thrown that bottle straight at my fuckin face and i would’ve THANKED him

the game ended, we won, and NO BOTTLE. a bitch was sad!!! a bitch was going STIR CRAZY!!!!! the team only had one day left before they left for kansas city. i’ve been trying to get info on how to get into the practice session so i can see him and all the boys. but of course! the training session might as well be in secret because it’s invite-only!!! even the paulaner bbq event was closed. the only events that were open were the mall meet-and-greets. but those wouldn’t have niko or the rest of the boys in them.

please bear in mind again that i decided to shell out extra just to make that one day extension happen. 

i had to see the entire team. i needed to experience niko up close. if i don’t get to do this now, then god knows when i’ll get the chance to do so again.

so, driven by desperation, i made a totally uninformed decision to go to the hotel at some random time the next day. ultimately, it was either the hotel or the carl lewis track. i figured the hotel would be a safer bet since i’d been there before and it was closer to the mall where the meet-and-greets would be (just in case the worst happened and i failed to catch them before they left for practice or wherever).

hotel or track? hotel.

what time? probably 8:30.

did i know what i was doing? absolutely fucking not.

but hey, couldn’t hurt, right? it was bonkers. truly bananas. but what choice did i have? in the end, i just wanted to be able to tell myself that i tried.

sunday:

i’ve been thinking about what to call this part. here’s some of what comes to mind:

1. crazy binch follows crazy idea and it works? it’s more likely than you think!

2. if you like it (i LOVED it) then you should’ve put a ring on it (I MCFUCKIN DID!!!!! in my head at least sksdjfksdfsdfh)

3. the day kathleen krüger probably wanted my head on a spike (and i don’t blame her)!

so the events from parts 1 and 2 happened. saw and greeted kathleen krüger in decent german. it was going pretty well. somewhere in there, during the sven/leon mishap, it finally happened. the moment that i’ve been waiting for. perfection!

*record scratch* eh, not really.

look, i’m 5′3 (and 1/2, i’m gonna insist on that). leon is 6′2. sven is about 6′3 or 6′4? anyway, y’all get it. they’re tall af.

and niko? a very sexy 5′9.

so in the haze of mortification and embarrassment brought about by the sven/leon mishap, i completely missed niko going out of the hotel. the binch literally had to be positioned in between sven and leon and all the other tall german people milling around the hotel. my ass had been on alert for him nearly the entire week (and let’s be real, for months) and when the moment finally presented itself, it completely flew over my head. i nearly ruined my own damn plan.

thankfully though, i’d been chatting with the bayern staff earlier and they knew that i’d been waiting this whole time to meet niko. i wondered out loud, “ugh, when is niko gonna show up he’s usually one of the earlier ones” and the guy in the red audi fcb tour polo shirt frowned and said “what? he literally just went out. didn’t you see him?”

my world literally stopped. i wanted to slap myself. my ears were ringing.

niko, already out? how could i have missed him? had he already gone up the bus???

i literally did a 360 so fast i gave myself whiplash and saw through the glass doors the man i’d been waiting forever for. he was clad in his blue coach kit of shirt and shorts. i could also swear he was glowing like an angel (probably bc of the bright sun or the product of my thirst-addled brain, idk).

there was another problem, though: he wasn’t stopping. he was going straight for the bus. and his leggies were f a s t.

and where was i? still frozen in shock inside the freaking hotel!!!!

i’m not the fastest person in the world but man, adrenaline really does work wonders! thank goodness my brain chose that moment to regain its function and spurred my body into motion. with no fucks left to give, i ran full tilt through the throng of people leisurely heading out, past the security guards who looked at me like i was insane (i was), out of the hotel and into the courtyard where there were about 50 or so fans behind the barriers who had gathered to catch a glimpse of the team.

it was like everything was in slow-mo. there was kathleen, patiently standing near the bus door and taking inventory of the players and staff before they leave. and there was niko, with literally one foot lifted to go up the first step into the bus.

my brain did a quick calculation. even with adrenaline, he’d already be up and inside the bus by the time i get to where he was. they may have let me inside the hotel, but i knew the bus was off limits. i had to stop him before he’s out of reach. and i knew that if i missed him, then that would be the absolute last time i’d see him in houston. that was my last chance.

i already had one foot dipped into the proverbial pool of shame. i was vaguely aware that i had the hotel staff stationed near the door and some fans looking at me bc of my marathon sprint antic. why not just take the full plunge, right?

so i did the only thing i could do to stop him: i screamed for him. throat open, full diaphragm, lungs out screamed: “NIKO! NIKO PLEASE!” my voice and the desperation that it was absolutely dripping with echoed within the walls of the hotel entrance.

i don’t even know the others’ reaction to that anymore, and i don’t really wanna know. all i know was that it worked! he stopped and turned around to look. and god was he. so. beautiful!!!

overjoyed that he paused, i ran straight towards him. there was a body in front of me that i barely dodged in my haste and i belatedly realized it was the team photographer taking shots of the departure. i nearly bowled him over and destroyed his expensive camera but thankfully i somehow managed to do a the matrix-esque maneuver and ducked under his arms and up again straight back to niko. the look on my face must’ve been shocking and horrific (i bet) because as i zoomed in on niko, i saw poor kathleen just behind him, still near the bus door, go tense with her eyes as big as saucers.

look, i understand. if i were the team manager of a popular football team, and some woman was running straight for one of my charges, with A Certain Look on her face, and with the bus door wide open, i’d be worried af. she probably thought i was gonna attack niko (somewhat true, but not in the way she thought...or was it?) and/or infiltrate the team bus. my intentions were pure (ish), of course, but my face didn’t reflect that.

the Queen knew martial arts and could’ve karate-kicked me off the face of the earth and away from niko, but she didn’t. so thank you, kathleen. and i apologize.

safe from kathleen’s wrath (for now), i turned my full attention to niko. i was finally in front of him!!!!! my dream had finally come true!!!!!!!!!!!

my brain and my soul were trying to leave my body and i wasn’t really 100% percent in the moment, but even with the little presence of mind i had left it was too much to bear. niko looked a bit perplexed, like i might attack him or something (with the way i looked, ran, and shouted like an animal i totally get it), but still managed to look relaxed, open, and friendly. he looked at me expectantly and i felt my mouth move to ask for an autograph and my hands give him my cardboarded jersey and sharpie. i wasn’t in control of my body anymore but thank god it knew exactly what i wanted.

niko, a true angel sent down from the heavens above, gracefully took my shirt and sharpie. i’m pretty sure my mouth was wide open and probably had some drool hanging off, and i could feel kathleen’s stare boring holes into the side of my head. as he was signing it, my last few brain cells were roasting.

his hair was soft and ungelled, and was damp (he looked like he recently just came out of the shower) and as his head was bent down, That Stray Lock of Hair flopped into his forehead. it nearly made me pass tf out!!! the sun was also shining brightly and his stubble was already silvery (thanks to bayern’s season of clownery!) so when the light caught it, it literally shone. each strand was literally p e r f e c t i o n. perfect length, perfect texture (from the looks of it; i didn’t dare touch no matter how much i wanted to bc thankfully i still had one fragile shred of dignity left, and i’m sure kathleen would’ve brought out the shotgun), perfect everything. i was about to have a coronary right then and there.

i’ve thought a lot about what i wanted to say to him if i did get the chance to meet him and talk to him. i remembered all the highs and lows of last season and as he finished signing my shirt, i thanked him and said “good luck, niko. and don’t listen to everything they say; you’ll always have people to stand behind you and the team no matter what.” at least that’s what i thought i said. i don’t really remember bc i was half spaced out. but i must’ve said something to that effect bc he looked up from what he was doing and gave me a big, and dare i say, relieved (?), smile. god, his eyes. they were so green. and soft. and really, really kind.

he was probably surprised that i said that to him, what with my earlier crazed stunt. but of course, ever the gentleman, he said “thank you so much” G O D!!!! HIS ACCENT!!!!! if you haven’t heard him speak in english yet, or just speak at all, now’s the time to google that shit. it’s deadly af on video, but goddamn, like everything else about him in person, it’s truly something else live.

mercifully, when he gave me back my shirt and pen, i still had enough life left in me to ask for a picture before i finally passed out. i never would’ve forgiven myself if i forgot!!!

me: thanks again, niko. is it alright if we take a picture?

niko: sure, of course! (god i love him; also, he loves to say “of course” for some reason sjkdhfdfjsdkfh)

so i had my shirt and sharpie in my left hand, and was trying to work my phone with my right hand. niko sidled up real close to my left side and HOLY FUCKING SHIT. he was so warm. and his arm was f i r m. he was leaning really close and my brain was short-circuiting from trying to memorize every single detail and trying to work my phone camera.

(note: my lock screen is niko drenched in beer after they won the bundesliga. thankfully, i turned off my phone’s auto lock just the night before. imagine if he saw me trying to unlock my phone with his wet self plastered on my screen. i never would’ve survived the shame.)

as i was skin on skin with niko, my organs were literally failing. my hands were shaking and sweating, and my camera just. wouldn’t. set. on. photo. it went to video, to slow mo, to god knows what else. it was already getting embarrassing and i was mumbling apologies to niko bc i was sure i’d already taken more than enough of his time. and i haven’t forgotten that kathleen was still there! still staring at us, at me, and witnessing every single mortifying thing!!!!

niko, literally heaven itself incarnate, was so patient though and just chuckled. oh. fuck. me. his chuckle. y’all know his voice is deep af, right? and you know that certain r a s p that comes with it. well, fuck. he did this deep ass raspy chuckle that went straight down to my loins!!!!! christ on a bike!!!! my inner whore was literally about to jump out!!!!! i’ve fantasized about hearing it in person for so long but jesus fucking christ I WASN’T READY. ALL THIS TIME AND MY BODY STILL WASN’T READY!!!! AND I’M DAMN SURE IT WILL NEVER BE READY!!!!!!!!! NO ONE IS READY FOR THIS ATTACK!!!!!!!!

g o d. anyway, he finally took pity on me. he chuckled (i’m on the brink of death here!!!) and reached for my phone to help me take the goddamn photo. he set it on photo (freaking finally, thanks niko) and we posed for the photo. hell, he was so close again. while i tried to smile and look somehow decent, i just had to take away as much detail as i could before we parted.

1. i already said this, but his h a i r. so soft. and houston was freaking humid. while mine was literally about to turn into a bird’s nest from the humidity, the man just couldn’t look fugly if he tried!!! he literally had NO FRIZZ. damn niko, tell me your secret!

2. his stubble was SO CLOSE. every strand? PERFECTION. no words could adequately describe it. and holy shit, his jawline and cheekbones. if i touched it i could literally lacerate my goddamn hand. and he had no pores??? fucking sexy cryptid

3. his c h u c k l e (he wasn’t chuckling anymore, but that shit stays with you till the end of time)

4. HIS S C E N T.

okay. i have a scent kink. i know. TMI. like this whole write up is one big banner for too much fuckin information. but holy shit. HOLY S H I T. until now i still don’t know how to fully describe, and i probably never will succeed in fully conveying what it was truly like (and if my brain embellished some of it; i was really too far gone to know anything anymore), but fuck. f u c k. he wasn’t wearing perfume or cologne, i’m sure of that. nothing too artificial that stood out to my nostrils. probably bc they were going to train under the houston sun and spritzing was wasted and unnecessary. but remember that he was fresh from the shower, so that was basically his main scent. it was very nice, very crisp, very clean. basically, sexy as hell. classy. panty-melting!!!! hell, i don’t know!!!! you know what i mean!!! idk if it’s from the hotel toiletries (if it was, good job post oak hotel!) or if it’s his own (then i need to know niko! what products do you use???). but yeah. clean and crisp. d***y supreme.

and there was also something else. it must’ve been his natural scent. and god. GOD!!!! a bit woodsy (?) and quite sweet. i’ll stop there before i say something that REALLY crosses the line.

so my thumb moves, and we take the photo. ONE FREAKING PHOTO. that’s all i managed. i wasn’t able to look at it until my uber ride to the mall later on, and i really would’ve liked more to take with me and stare at when i’m....lonely. but it was magically HDR, and i looked passable. and niko. again: perfection!!!! now that i know what he’s like in the flesh, nothing else will ever come close. but this does come quite close.

after the photo was taken, i manage to squeak out another “thanks.” niko smiled again (kill me one last time, why don’t you) and squeezed my arm lightly before saying goodbye and finally going up the bus. kathleen could breathe a sigh of relief now.

i don’t know how long i stood there. surely not that long since i still got to take pics with serge, manu, and lewy. but it did feel like forever and i haven’t shaken myself out of it. as i’m writing this, exactly one week later after it happened, i still haven’t shaken myself out of it. i don’t think i ever could.

i’m just thankful to whichever deity made this happen. my houston trip was finally complete (i haven’t met everyone yet at that point, but i just somehow knew deep inside that it would all work out). i got what i came for and more. my extension was not only worth it, but completely priceless. i’ll treasure this whole day and that little moment i got with niko for the rest of my life. that’s for sure.

just to end this, i just wanna say something. i know this was one whole crazy and thirsty post, but seriously. he’s a really nice man. a good man. it wasn’t for more than a few minutes at most, but it felt like forever in my mind. and in that short moment, i just knew he tries his best. i’m a true blue niko stan but even i know he made mistakes. i’m clearheaded enough to acknowledge that. but he tries, and he succeeded. and no matter how calm and cool and collected he always appears to be, you can still see how much it all affects him. hell, he literally grayed in front of our eyes in less than a year. his eyes were a little less bright at the end of the season as compared to his presentation last july. when i gave him that little message of support, i literally saw the relief in his eyes and how much he appreciated it. he and the team have been through quite the ordeal last season, and there are no guarantees it will be easier this time around.

you don’t have to like him, you know. but please. a little basic human respect still goes a long way.

there, i said my piece. and it’s done! thank you, fc bayern, for being so nice and game and all-around wonderful. thank you, kathleen krüger, for staying calm long enough to let me have my moment with niko. and thank you, niko, just for being... you. now here’s the ONE picture i’ll treasure for the rest of my life:

[tansypoisoning]

No tongue, please!

Sakura accepted her boyfriend had to be bad at something, but why did it have to be that?

Fandom: Naruto

Genres: Humor, Romance

Ships: SasuSaku

Relavant Characters: Sakura(PoV), Sasuke 

Universe: Narutoverse, canon compliant

Content Warnings: Idk; stealth mention of cunnilingus, if that bothers anyone.

When Sakura was a child she was certain that there was nothing Uchiha Sasuke couldn't do.

It was a reasonable assumption to make, as she then only knew him as a boy her age who was good at throwing shuriken and looking cute while doing so, which was all most little girls in her village needed to develop a crush.

As the years progressed and they were assigned to the same team she found out Sasuke was good at many other things: He was good at all things ninja, even teamwork when he put his mind to it; He was good at managing his time to maximize the efficiency of his training regimen; He was good at using both hands to perform any task; He was good at winding up Naruto; He was good at cooking and cleaning; He was good at protecting his teammates even when it put his life on the line; He was good at making her heart beat faster; He was good at being hard to reach; He was good at saving the world; He was good at making bad, no good, terrible, horrible choices; He was good at making her forgive him for the aforementioned horrible choices; And he was good at walking away from her, then coming back, then walking away again, in a cycle she still didn't really understand.

Sasuke could do most things well on the first try, and when he couldn't his determination would invariably lead him to work hard to master any skill he thought was worth his while.

That is, except for kissing.

Uchiha Sasuke was really bad at kissing.

Oh, god, he was so bad at kissing!

He could manage a peck or two just fine, but whenever light touches would develop into full-blown snogging, Sakura had to wonder just what the hell was wrong with him.

It wasn't as if he hadn't tried to improve: When Sakura first told him about this issue he was undisturbed, listening to her advice and taking her pointers to the best of his ability – which they soon discovered was nonexistent. They spent a good portion of the following week making out with some regularity to no effect before she got tired of having her entire face covered in saliva and decided they needed some help.

They began searching for tips in magazines, studying the technique of couples in movies (and once in real life, but that hadn't turned out well), and Sakura had even casually brought up the topic to her parents and friends. Sasuke couldn't do the same, both because his parents were dead, and because there was just no way he could talk about kissing and make it sound casual. One problem with being known as a cool, badass, silent anti-hero type is that it seriously limits the number of acceptable topics of conversation you can choose from while maintaining street cred.

Their efforts were all for naught, though, because the last Uchiha seemed unable to grasp the minutiae of the delicate art of sucking face.

Sakura didn't understand why her boyfriend couldn't learn how to kiss. It wasn't as if her was bad at other aspects of romance. When he was in a mood to woo her (which admittedly wasn't very often) he could muster surprising gestures of affection and say the sweetest things, he could cuddle like what Sakura imagined a professional cuddler would cuddle like, and he certainly knew how to use his tongue in other ways, but she just didn't want it anywhere near her mouth.

Despite the zero percent rate of success they'd had so far Sasuke still insisted on trying again and again. She wondered if he did it because he genuinely liked kissing her that much or if he was just too embarrassed to give up. Both scenarios seemed equally implausible, as did his insistence to cover her entire mouth with his (really, she'd told him multiple times that nobody liked that) whenever the opportunity presented itself, and yet there they were.

Of course, Sakura loved him and would kiss him all day long if he really wanted it, but she couldn't help wondering if that was really the case. He was notoriously undemonstrative, and she suspected she was the only living person who could hug him out of the blue without getting socked in the Sasuke was doing this just because he wanted to please her she had to tell him he didn't have to go through such lengths, because she was satisfied with the physical intimacy they already shared. She didn't want him to feel inadequate because he was bad at something as inconsequential as frenching. She also didn't want to endure Sasuke's mutant tongue needlessly, but that was of secondary importance.

"Sasuke-kun," she began one night, after she'd wiped the evidence of their last practice session from her cheeks "I need to ask you something."

He hesitated, then nodded. Even if Sakura didn't know him well enough to notice that there was something wrong, his blushing cheeks were a dead giveaway.

"So, um… you know we don't have to do this if you don't want to, right?"

That seemed to startle him.

"Do you want to stop?"

"No, that's not-" she paused, unsure of how to proceed "It's just… If you don't want to make out as often it's fine by me, because I'm happy with the other things we do. So, if you want to stop, then..."

Sakura was starting to regret speaking about it. She hadn't seen Sasuke look this nervous in years, clenching his fists and looking away, so she knew whatever it was he was thinking about brought him no small amount of embarrassment.

"Only if you want to, of course!" she amended quickly.

Sasuke opened his mouth, then closed it, then repeated the same movement a few more times, still avoiding her eyes.

"I- I do like it," he spoke at last, and Sakura was momentarily floored by the effort he had to make to say those four words, until she remembered he still had difficulty opening up, to her or anybody else. He seemed to consider an admittance of enjoyment to be the same as an admittance of weakness.

Fine, so there were two things her boyfriend was bad at.

"But," he continued "I know I'm not any good at it, and I understand if you want to keep kissing to a minimum."

"No, Sasuke-kun!" she protested – more energetically than she would've expected under the circumstances – and touched his cheek to make sure he'd look her in the eyes and see what she felt "I'm happy. At first neither of us had any idea what we were doing, remember? I was just happy to be together, and I still am. I like kissing you, alright? I really do." And she was being honest, if only because she liked him.

There was only the tiniest change to his expression – a softening of the eyes, a relaxation of the jaw – but Sakura had grown familiar enough to interpret those signs and know she had placated his doubts.

"Besides, if we keep practicing you're bound to get better sooner or later!"

Sasuke never got any better at kissing. Neither the time they spent traveling the shinobi world, nor having a daughter together, nor years of marriage improved his technique, but Sakura didn't mind.

Back when she was a girl and thought he was perfect, when she used to fantasize about marrying him, she pictured a relationship of passion, of flowers and chocolate, or compliments that would make her blush, and kisses that would certainly be good and make everyone else impressed and jealous of their love. She couldn't have fathomed how different things would be, much less how her adult-self would be happier like this.

Her husband's spontaneous demonstrations of affection were discreet, gentle, tentative, as if she'd evaporate from his touch otherwise. He rarely bought her presents, but she couldn't imagine a greater gift than the blind trust he placed on her as a kunoichi, a medic, the mother of his child. He didn't write her poetry, but he listened to and considered everything she said, no topic of conversation being judged as unimportant, even if he didn't really care about redecorating the living room or the birthday party Ino threw for her son. His kisses didn't make anyone envious, but Sakura was always glad to receive them, because they were his.

Sasuke was utterly hopeless when it came to kissing, but Sakura wasn't going to complain. She loved that man, shoddy osculation skills and all.