#oh and bluray's a thing now too!

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

"kids today will NEVER know what OLD music/cartoons were like" wait until you hear about reruns and DVDs and youtube and radios and streaming services and-

[alpaca-clouds]

Dungeons & Dragons - Or: Why Capitalism Sucks at Making Money

If this past year managed anything, it managed to get me really into DnD. Before I did not play DnD much, rather going with Shadowrun or (heavily homebrewed) World of Darkness. But with first Honor Among Thieves releasing - and then Baldur's Gate 3 giving me brainworms tadpoles... Yeah, hurray. New hyperfixation unlocked.

But as I started to read through all the lore, but also meta stuff happening around it. And yes, I quickly understood why basically everyone was frustrated with Hasbro and Wizards of the Coast. But I also think, that this betrays one of the big issues with capitalist logic and how it often fails to reach an audience - for the reason I outlined before: capitalists are actually super bad at realizing what works and why, because they only judge based on spread sheets.

And yes, the headline is hyperbolic. But let me explain.

A Community-Based Game

I mean, the biggest scandal of DnD this year was probably the entire thing about the community license. And this is very much something that shows quite well, how bad WotC is at recognizing why DnD works and has worked so long.

DnD centrally has been build around this idea of community. Now, mind you: This community was very, very focused on cis white guys for the longest time, but everybody else just managed to get in there and make their own little bit of community. Which also lead to a lot of homebrew stuff, that at times tackled some issues that the rules themselves did not address at all or not well. The combat wheelchair is probably the best known example of this.

But even outside of marginalized communities... DnD always thrived through the community aspect itself. People self-publishing magazines and adventures for it since the fucking 70s. As well as play sets, dice and what-have-you. DnD was always very much about all this and thrived through it. And now in came WotC saying: "Oh, yeah, actually you will now have to give us a big cut. (The big irony was, how Unity made the same move later on.) The fandom outcry was obviously big, there was a boycot, it worked. And WotC went all:

Of course they basically won the world competition in backpaddling (though again, Unity was a big contender this year as well) and quickly went back on this. But of course there is a problem: When your entire product is so much build around community and your community starts mistrusting you, you got a problem.

And this is basically what happened.

The Audience Problem

There is another problem of course. Financially the DnD movie failed - and I actually think this says a lot about how WotC kinda misunderstands the audience.

Now, there will be people trying to tell you, that given that the movie had great reviews and stuff. But the movie had a production budget of 150 million USD and only earned a bit more than 200 million on worldwide box office. Given that the marketing budget was likely around 30 million, the movie barely broke even.

Of course, part of the reason for it was that it just had a bad release date. It released parallel to the Super Mario movie, which ended up being one of the most successful movies of this year.

A friend of mine could not believe that the movie had financially flopped. They were like: "What the hell? Literally everyone I know who watched the movie went to cinema like three times to see it again." But... Yeah, that is true. But the issue is that these people are a very certain group.

Because lets make one thing clear: The people, who adored the movie so much, that they went to the cinema several times and bought the DVD/BluRay on release... were mostly queer nerds. Because this is the group of people who this movie spoke to.

And let's make this clear: I love the movie for this. I love that it so clearly went for this audience. Because I am part of this audience - and I adore this film.

But basically the movie has a general issue in terms of audience. Because on one hand the movie is too nerdy to have a wider audience appeal of people who had never played DnD, while on the other hand the movie was kinda not nerdy enough to go full force for the nerd audience.

A lot of people in the fandom have instantly sussed out one thing about the movie: "Why doesn't Edgin cast any spells? And why do we see so little of the weirder species?" And part of the reason undoubtedly was budget related. But the other reason is that... well, it is currently a well accepted wisdom in media production that you cannot sell a high-magic story. At least not outside of animated media.

Hence... There is surprisingly little magic being cast in this. And we also do have a mostly human main cast - or why Doric is the most classically pretty tiefling you have seen with her human skin tone and all of that. Because media productions do not trust the audience to accept high magic concepts.

Who is DnD actually for?

Okay, let me talk a bit about DnD 5e - and a good decision, and a bad decision. And how that affected DnD.

Everyone, who is somewhat into DnD probably knows that 5e massively changed the game. With one simple goal: Make it more accessible. Which manifested in several ways.

For one, the game was in some ways made less offensive. Because prior to 5e there was a ton of racism, sexism, queerphobia and ableism inherent to the game rules and times to the game lore. This is just a fact. Things like species that are inherently evil and stuff like that - and also some of the real-life racial coding inherent to some of the species. Removing all that stuff is a good thing. Like amazingly good.

And also, they made the rules a lot more accessible. Before the rules were bogged down with a lot of stuff, that was simplified or removed. Again, this is a good thing.

And this worked. It worked really well. Of course, this was also partly due to stuff like Critical Role and other actual plays like that happening and promoting the game. The player base probably increased ten-fold from what it was before.

Yes, it should also be noted that there is probably a good topic for a study on how formerly nerd-thingies became more and more mainstream during the last 10 years or so, but yes, DnD was one of those things.

But in this there was also a rather bad decision made, which ironically also mirrors what happened with Marvel. And this decision is: Because we want to reach a wider audience, every single thing we release for this has to reach the widest audience possible - rather than allowing that certain things might have a more specific audience.

I am sorry to talk about the MCU here, but it is just such a perfect example of this: The MCU basically made two mistakes. Overwhelming their audience with too many releases. But also not allowing the movies to be for a certain audience, but for the broadest audience possible. A good example is how they dealt with the minority-lead movies. They got directors and at times even writers from that minority - but then basically did not allow them to be too specific and be too critical of, for example, a racist system because that might not go over too well with white mainstream audiences.

Now, WotC did not really do anything like that. But they also went with this idea that everything they officially released should have the broadest possible appeal. Hence the weirdly low-magic approach to the movie, of which I assume that it definitely was an executive decision made.

The fact that the movie resonated so much with the queers more than anyone else was also not intended - at least not from the production company. Like, let's be honest. No, Xenk and Ed were not supposed to be read as romantic. And how appealing the found family trope was, probably was not intented at least on the side of Hasbro (not sure about screenwriters and director).

The Lore Problem

This perfectly connects to one of the big issues that all the franchises going for a broad appeal after being very nerd-focused for so long, run into: The Lore Problem. And this is quite ironic, because I ran into the problem earlier this year as well.

See, as I was writing fanfics for DnD:HAT I quickly ran into the problem that I knew next to nothing about the world of Faerûn. Sure, once upon a time (like between 2007 and 2011, while I was living in Austria with my then-boyfriend, who really was into those games) I played the old games of Neverwinter Nights and Baldur's Gate 1 + 2. But let's be frank: I barely remember shit from those games. And getting to understand what actually happened in the lore between and after... Well, there is just a ton of lore. I mean, people are playing around with this world for literal decades. So, yeah. This can very much be overwhelming for someone getting into it anew. Like, where can someone new even start?

The fact that - at least partly for legal reasons - most of the Actual Plays also do not work with the official lore, rather just using the rules to create their own worlds, obviously adds to this. Even the tables I played on so far always preferred original worlds, because the lore of DnD is just very intimidating.

The one thing that actuall ended up getting me into the lore was BG3, because it left open just the right questions to go into the Forgotten Realms wiki and just look for stuff, before also starting to listen to lore podcasts.

But here is the thing: WotC is also not helping with this issue. Like, they absolutel could create a proper accessible compendium on DnDBeyond that would just allow people to get an overview of the world and the timeline of things happening, maybe go into some of the major factions of the world and such. I mean, heck, they really, really want you to use DnD-Beyond rather than roll20. Yet, in DnD-Beyond I do not even have a monster compendium without paying, which roll20 offers.

Like, sure, WotC, it is okay to lock up the adventure modules behind a paywall, no problem. But if you do give me even the most basic tools to run a campaign, I am gonna use roll20, thank you very much.

But yeah, what WotC should make just more accessible was just: Timeline, important places and the maps (heck, make them interactive, you have the fucking money), maybe also a proper list of the pantheons and factions within the world. Heck, add maybe some inspiration there for what players might want to do within one of the scenarios and then, under this, go and link "hey, we made this one adventure about this, if you are interested!"

Something I did not realize originally was how much freedom the lore still leaves the people. Like, often even the important settings and events are just set-ups for adventures that the characters can have in there. There might be a few novels or comics then, that go into an example of a thing certain established characters like Drizzt or Elminster did during the time, but there is a ton of freedom to explore.

But by basically locking everything up behind a paywall, you will never get people even interested in this kinda stuff.

Because here is the thing: I like my lore. I love lore. I adore lore. But... Without BG3 explaining some stuff and giving me specific questions to ask about it, the lore would have been very inaccessible to me.

Just think of people as... people

Of course among it all there lies the central problem that comes with capitalism running something like this. See, whatever CEOs and shareholders are sitting on those chairs with WotC and Hasbro, they do not see the players as players or the community as a community, but as consumers. Just as they see their employees not as valued constributors, but very exchangable wage slaves.

They do not see the value of the community exchange with stuff like fanmade modules and things. While incorporating a bit of homebrew stuff in DnD Beyond, they are absolutely not interested in the wider market of people just creatively interacting with DnD and making a little bit of money from it. If anything they see those people as potential rivals on the market.

Heck, they have issues seeing things like Critical Role or Roll20 as the enrichment for the franchise that either are - but more like potential rivaling forces and money they have lost.

And their employees? Yeah, as we learned... Most people who from the side of WotC helped the Larian team with BG3 have been let go by now. Because WotC and Hasbro do not care for their employees, they only care about having some numbers going up.

I fully admit it. Apart from Buying BG3 and the money I have invested in anything DnD:HAT related, the only money that WotC got from me, was some of the novels I bought on Audible.

But here is the thing: WotC is doing a shite job at wanting me to invest into any of their stuff. Partly because those modules I would like to have are not available anywhere anyway - and partly because... As I said, give me a reason to get something, rather than just expecting me to randomly get something.

And mind you, this is no slight against any of the people just working for WotC. This is mostly about shareholder and executive decisions made. Stuff that basically just sees either their employers or the players just as a ressource to exploit, rather than... people.

[pretty-idol-hell]

High School PriChan 1

Just finished watching the High School PriChan musical. Part 1, anyway. (I kinda forgot there was two parts.) So I don't think it's too big of a spoiler to say it ends on a cliffhanger.

Basic plot summary and thoughts below.

It starts with with Miracle Kiratts and Meltic Star on their way to school, but they aren't acting quite right.

Mirai clearly has a crush on Sara, who is Rinka's big brother (yes, brother). Mel is Sara's robot. Anna is Emo's MAID.

But eventually Anna and Emo start fighting and ruin everything allowing us to find out they are supposed to be acting in a musical.

Daia, who is supposed to be playing the boyish, energetic transfer student, doesn't even get to play her part before they are all whisked away in a robot rocket ship by Sadame Ginga where they meet Maria and Suzu at a high school in space. Sadame's goal is to have them build their sadame power so they can... change destiny. Or something.

Although it's obvious to the audience that she has some kind of nefarious plan, the girls eventually go along with it (Maria is happy to go to school with everyone again, and Mel in particular is having a GREAT time) and participate in the high school where Sadame uses them as "examples" for the other "students" (the MyCharas sent in by the fundraiser backers).

But no matter what subject, their example is just a live haha.

Eventually, after everyone has performed, Sadame lets everyone know that... they did not collect enough "sadame iine". They all FAILED.

But then she gets them a better stage and after performing Diamond Smile all together, they PASS!

But that doesn't mean PriChan high school is over. No, they're just second graders now! To be continued!

So, like the PriPara virtual live I watched before, there was a thin plot but most of the runtime was taken up by full performances (usually the full song, uninterrupted by Yattemita, etc). There were a few new songs such as the school song and Sadame's solo, and at least one big surprise: Daia performed the full version of Heart Iro Tori Dream!!! The dance reference here might be very useful... f... for a friend...

Most of the older songs I haven't heard since PriChan ended, so it was nice to hear them again. I don't know why, but PriChan songs and coords don't stick in my head as well as PriPara and Pretty Rhythm stuff does. But, on the bright side, that made it almost feel like I was experiencing them new all over again. After PriChan season 2 ended I basically never wanted to hear Diamond Smile again (the Jewel Chance song on the arcade) so I was surprised how much I enjoyed it here.

Sadame Ginga has a pretty badass design with her galaxy skirt and cape and I'm looking forward to seeing where they go with her! Her voice is FAN-TAS-TIC as well!

*sigh* I gotta admit though I spent a lot of this musical SUPER JEALOUS of all the people who got their MyCharas in though. And the voice actors even called their NAMES! I was totally gonna do it, but then a bad thing that cost a lot of money happened to me at the beginning of December and I didn't even try. It would have been expensive, but I'm sure if you just sent the PriTicket to the right address and everything they would just accept it haha... oh well.

I've been trying to console myself by telling myself getting a MyChara in one of the PriPara movies is a much bigger deal considering there was a DVD/BluRay release. Meanwhile, this musical is probably just going to fade into obscurity after the archive period ends, right? ...Probably???

[nonbigalmari]

[This is a transcript from January 18th at 4:25 PM of me (Mari Diaz) having a chat at the park written in third person.]

[Mari stands up from the park bench, placing their phone behind them back on the bench. Staring at someone who had walked up, The person is slightly taller, wearing a yellow hoodie with a black winter jacket over it and has a red beanie and long dark brown hair. Mari looks at the person, tilting their head.]

Ma: Um… Ok so I should ask before any other questions… Who are you and why did you walk up to me, sitting on a park bench eating an apple alone?

?: Oh, I’m Marigold Ash! Nice to meet you!

[Marigold sticks out her left arm, but instead of a hand there’s two black hooks coming from her sleeve. Mari stands there for a moment, before slowly grabbing one of the hooks and carefully shakes it.]

Ma: I hope I did that right? Um… This is going to sound dumb but I haven't met many people with a prosthetic arm…

[Mari laughs, but almost immediately stops.]

Mg: Most people haven’t, but I don’t mind questions as long as you aren’t a dick about it.

Ma: I uh right now my only question is… I wasn’t like… An asshole shaking the arm like that? Um… I would feel kinda bad.

Mg: The asshole move is just staring at it. Or staring at my other hand instead. You’re good dude.

Ma: Cool… Um… So why did you walk up to me randomly?

[Marigold stares blanky for a second before a look of understanding crosses her face and she reaches into her pocket with her right hand and pulls out a phone.]

Mg: Right! So uh, could be wrong, the lighting is shit and the footage is all blurry but uh, is this you?

[Mari looks at the footage and slowly nods, before looking back at Marigold.]

Ma: Yep, that's me. Why, are you a cop?

Mg: Ew no. I was just wondering if you knew the other person, I want to ask them how they designed that prosthetic of their’s. And why the hell they were wearing it to a random club when it’s not even close to Halloween.

Ma: I only know like… 3 people from that night? And uh that person you're talking about technically isn't one… I mean they have spoken to my coworkers over tumblr? They sign off with the letter H if that helps?

Mg: Damn, my search continues then. Oh well, nothing’s fun when it’s easy anyways as my mom always says.

Ma: Hm… Yeah I guess that's kinda true… Depends on the thing I guess.

[Mari looks at the ground, seemingly upset about something.]

Mg: Ah yeah, fair enough. But hey, you said some of your coworkers have talked to this person?

Ma: Yeahhhh?

[Marigold puts her phone away, and reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small card and holds it out to Mari.]

Mg: Here, if you ever learn any more about them, you can find me here!

Ma: I um… Ok.

[Mari grabs the card, slowly putting it in their hoodie pocket.]

Ma: Oh I uh forgot… Are you fine being recorded and this being turned into a transcript for uh… Tummmmmmmmmblrrrrrrrr purposesssss?

[Marigold paused for a few seconds before nodding.]

Mg: You know what? In any other circumstance I would probably have said no, but since you did actually ask, why the hell not.

Ma: Ok cool um… Also, um if you see the green haired person I was fighting, just… Don’t mention me to her? It’s a… Long fucking story.

[Marigold mimes zipping her lips with her prosthetic hand.]

Ma: Cool… Wait… The card is for a repair shop?

Mg: Yeah! It’s the family business. Well, it’s my mom’s and I also work there and that’s it most of the time.

Ma: Oh… I'll try to pop in sometime if I remember.

Mg: Yup! If you ever need pretty much anything repaired, there’s like a 99% chance we’ll be able to fix it!

Ma: Nice! I uh… might need some stuff repaired around my house… [Muttering.] Like the bluray player that just stopped working.

Mg: Just stop by any time we’re open and we can probably help! Although speaking of the shop… I’m technically almost running late for my shift…

Ma: Oh um… Need a ride..? I have my car.

Mg: No thanks, but it’s not too far from here so I’m good.

Ma: Oh, alright! Be careful.

[Marigold starts to turn to walk off.]

Mg: [Calling over her shoulder] My mom would kill me if I wasn’t!

[Mari laughs, before looking back at the phone. Grabbing it.]

Ma: Ok… Um… Interesting…

[End transcript.]

[cherrypeaking]

good morning cherry bear~ i hope you slept well! i missed you~ yesterday felt like such a nice dream it was so crazy yet so fun 😭😭😭 every time we hang up from calling i expect to turn around and see you in my bedroom dhjshgjh oh how i wish :((

honestly i can't think of a single thing to say i just miss you so much 🥺🥺🩵🩵 i haven't stopped thinking about you since we ended our call ;;; it was so much fun i love video calling so much seeing your face and your pretty smile and hearing you laugh makes my day 🥺🥺🩵🩵

i was just thinking of things to watch together and since we can't watch attacker you anywhere maybe we should watch my favorite volleyball anime together instead 👀👀🩵🩵 have you heard of haikyuu? it's my LIFE i have all the seasons on bluray it's not nearly as gay as attacker you but it's still so good and so heartwarming!! 🥺 i wanna watch one of my favorite anime with my favorite person~ 🥺🥺🩵🩵

every time i think about you calling me your pudding my heart explodes dhjhsg >//< 🩵🩵 it's such a cute little nickname, just like you're my cute little flan 🥺🥺🥺 do the kitty ears remind you of something? hehe 🤭🤭🩵🩵

i wish i was home for the day ;; but i need my hair to stop looking so crazy 😭😭 i hope you enjoy your very much earned day off my love!! 🥺🥺🩵🩵 i love you so so much my lovey, my little hummingbird 🥺🩵 i just got done writing our recap and i can't wait to you to see it~ sending kisses >3< 🩵🩵🩵

my love 🥺🥺🩷 you’re the one who’s fallen asleep now and i know it’s gonna be a little busy but at least you’ll be available through the phone and i’m so glad 🥺🥺

when our call was over i kept missing you my love 🥺🥺 i woke up as soon as i could cause i couldn’t take it i need you mommy 🥺🥺🩷 you’re so so beautiful it felt like you were teasing me to see how i could die because of you 😳

omg i’ve heard of haikyuuu i’d love to watch it with you just like miraculous ladybug hehe 🤭🩷 just the idea of watching something with my girlfriend makes me so happy and more enthusiastic hehe

the moodboard is so adorable and tyunkkura omg!! i can definitely remember what the kitty ears remind me of 🤭🩷 mommy’s such a cute catgirl and you meowed so cutely~

i wish you were home too 🥺🥺 but we surely will find time together again 🥺🥺 i hope you enjoy getting your hair pampered you really deserve it!! 🥺🥺🩷

[nehswritesstuffs]

Trick or treat! 🦇

Here, have 500ish words of TTOU that I'm many chapters away from broaching even if I started posting tomorrow (which I won't), most of it being under the cut.

Babies. Malcolm Tucker was minding multiple babies. How the fuck did his sitting room turn into a full-blown fucking daycare? His son was bouncing around, with Emma crawling at top speed after him, and his grandson laying underneath the overhead activity center. Having Conall was expected, Emma or Jack were alright to come over, but all three at once? With him as the only cunting adult? What did he fucking do to deserve such fucking torture? Oh, yeah, he simply was the one working at home that day.

“Da! Da! I gots a bug!” Conall announced as he bounced up to him. Malcolm was attempting to sit on the couch with his laptop computer, which had some very fucking important press release drafts on them. With the way things were puttering on, they needed to have five different versions of everything depending on not only the latest political gaffes, but also the UN's decision on whether or not to keep them in London. “Why do you keep on finding bugs?” he wondered. “I dunno.” The boy opened his hand and a spider of the non-biting kind was sitting in it, calm and collected. “Bugs are neat.” “Glad you think so,” he replied. “Now can you please let Da work?” “Okay!” Conall bent down and showed the spider to Emma, who poked at the creature in curiosity. “Bugs go in plants!” “Puh!” Emma declared. She followed Conall as he went over to the plant next to the French doors and placed it on one of the large leaves. “This is fucking mental,” Malcolm grumbled. He placed the laptop down on the table and got up to grab Jack, who was making suspiciously-cranky noises. He rested the infant against his chest and sat back down, attempting to continue his work. Three children under the age of three was going to drive him fucking bananas, but he was going to at least attempt it, so at least they could put on his epitaph that he died trying. He bounced Jack gently, soothing the child. “Just wait until you’re in this fucking game, lad. It won't be fun.” The baby drooled in response. “Da? Peppa?” Conall asked. Malcolm saw that both he and Emma were staring at him expectantly. “Yeah, yeah; go the fuck ahead.” “Yes!” Conall bounced—how the fuck was he always bouncing—to the Bluray player and turned it on, getting a Peppa Pig DVD to place in it. Before long the show started up and the two children that were capable of independent movement were entranced. Malcolm was almost about to think he might get some real work done, when his mobile rang. Fuuuuuuck... it was Dr. Shaw. “Better be good, Lizzie—I’m up to my elbows in nappies and bugs and dry cereal.” “Sounds like some pork roasts too,” she smirked. “…wait, how do you…?” “I’ve got tiny terrors in my family too, as unfortunate as it is to admit,” she said.

[justumaithoughts]

Happy, happy end of the weekend!

It's 22:30 now, and the weekend is almost over. I just want to pour out my feelings again (as I always do), so here it is.

Sometimes, I feel sad when I realise that things that used to excite me no longer hold the same meaning. It's as if I've finally let go, and while this realisation brings a sense of relief, it also leaves me feeling a bit sad. How can I explain it? For example, when I was in high school, I had a favourite group of singers, and I was so obsessed with them. I watched every TV show that featured them, bought their albums, and felt heartbroken when a member decided to leave the group. The funniest thing was that I used to wish that in the future, when I became an adult, had a more stable life and a partner, I would watch their concert with my partner.

But then, in my second year of university, I didn't really care about them anymore. I didn't follow their activities or even know they had released a new album. My attention had shifted because I was busy with other things. One day, I suddenly realised that this group I used to love so much no longer held the same meaning for me. Watching them was no longer as fun as it used to be, and whatever happened to that group didn't affect my feelings anymore. This group is still active now, but when another member left, it didn't even affect me. I didn't even know she left until I read someone's tweet about it.

Honestly, I feel relieved that whatever happens to this group doesn't affect me anymore. But at the same time, the memories of loving this group so much make me feel bittersweet. I think, "Oh, I used to love them so much, listened to their music 24/7, was so happy when I bought their albums, and was thrilled when they won awards." Now, I feel like I'm cutting ties with them because I don't find anything related to them fun anymore. While I'm happy that my obsession with them has ended, there's a strange feeling that I've moved on from them. They will always be something I treasure from the past. They are a part of my history, but not my present.

A part of my life has finally come to an end, and though I'm ready to embrace many better things, the reality is still somehow sad. Not being able to enjoy the things I used to be so obsessed with is a bittersweet feeling.

And I still feel like this nowadays. I used to really love a K-drama called Hospital Playlist. It is a slice-of-life drama that helped me get through the COVID phase, and it was, and still is, special to me. But I've moved on bit by bit from being totally obsessed. I rewatched it so many times in the past, and it's not even a romcom, it's my first time being so obsessed with a slice of life show. Even my friend told me yesterday that when Hospital Playlist 2 was still airing and even months after that, I was crazy obsessed. She said I couldn’t even leave home on the airing day. And yes, that’s the truth. I would take a shower, eat my dinner, finish all my on going projects and make sure I didn’t need to go to the toilet because I had to watch the drama on streaming at 8 pm, even though I don’t understand Korean. :'D

Probably because when the first few episodes of Hospital Playlist 2 was airing, I got infected with COVID, and it was the Delta variant. So, I was isolated in my bedroom for a month, and because of that, my obsession with Hospital Playlist was crazy, hahaha. I had a boyfriend at that time, but from what I remember, I kind of ditched him because of my love for Hospital Playlist. We had some problems too (anw this relationship was beyond repair at that time), and strangely my relationship problem wasn’t relevant to me at that time. I didn’t even care if he wanted to break up, that's how unhealthy my obsession was with Hospital Playlist. Last year, they released the Bluray of the drama after two years, and I bought it thinking the clips would make me as excited as I used to be, but it didn’t bring the same joy. I still felt a bit happy watching the Bluray clips, but I haven’t finished watching it until now because I have other things that excite me more.

So yeah, in life, I don’t think I can control to whom or what I fall for. By fall for, I mean like in life, we can fall for a person, a show, a group, a celebrity, an actor, an anime, and we can get super obsessed because we made them our whole personality to the point it affects our lives. But believe me, some obsessions are normal, and with time, if we know our limits and don't get overly obsessed, we'll let go of them. We might think, "Argh, I hate that I get too attached to this thing or this person. I want to detach so bad. I don't want them to affect my life," but the first thing we need to do is just to feel it, feel our emotion. I currently have something I'm so attached to that, to be honest, I feel hopeless at times because I want to detach asap. I hate that this thing affects my daily life, but I understand that every day I get better. Every day, I detach a little more, even if it's just 0.01%. I remember what my therapist said two years ago "You can't heal what you don’t feel." So I'm just going to feel it, even when I have to cry because of it, because I know this too shall pass. And maybe in the future, I'll have a new obsession. HAHAHA

[nitallica]

So I have news

The new laptop finally came in. I went with another Alienware (an M18 this time) because at the time I was still employed at SVP and we had a nice big discount with Dell, putting it far below the ASUS ROG I had been eyeing. Basically the same specs, and to be fair, until my last lappy ate itself, both brands had proven rock solid. Dell's tech support proved slightly better than ASUS in my own personal experience. And considering that machine was well over 7 years old, I'd say that it held up really well! So now I'm still moving data over. I had online backups through Carbonite which kept most things that I'd forgotten. Sadly, I lost my OneNote notebook. The online copy was over a year out of date. Apparently it had stopped backing up, and I could not find any local copies. If I could've gone back, I would have manually exported a backup copy somewhere. Oh well, you live and you learn. Sucks because that's where I stored all of my custom Powershell scripts I'd written over the years. Bleh! Almost all of my software licenses were backed up via email or my external backup drive. Unfortunately about 25% of my Plex library is on that drive too since I'd store my manual DVD and BluRay rips there. I've now got the drive mounted on my Shield again, so those are populating back into Plex now. I lost the rips I had done of my iTunes library, so I'll have to do those over. No biggie, just gonna take time. I wish to God someone had a place where I could buy movies and TV shows with no DRM. I mean, it's easy enough to buy on DVD or BluRay and rip it myself, but the out of print stuff is harder and harder to find. :( Like, I'd love to have all of Murder She Wrote. Let me pay to download full copies to own myself and put on my Plex so I can watch offline. That's one of my few comfort shows. Netflix, Hulu, Peacock Premium, hell even just basic cable, it's all too expensive now. Let me pay for and own what I want. /le sigh At least DRM-free music is easy to find and usually pretty reasonably priced, so no worries there. :) Also: I accepted a job offer this past Friday with DataPerk. It'll be a pay and benefits cut, but the job sounds fun. The guys I met seemed nice enough. I'm not looking forward to having to go through all the medical authorizations for all of my treatments and medications again (considering we JUST did that when SVP changed providers). And DP's benefits do not cover my therapy so I'll be back to paying that out of pocket, which is going to hurt for a while. Better than going without though. Been there, did that, not gonna be that stupid again. I honestly don't have updates on much else. I know I need to get away first chance I get. Unwind, let off some steam. The last year has mostly not been good for me outside of the few trips I took. This year I need to take better care of myself, drawing firmer boundaries where needed (family included). So we'll see ... source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2024/01/28/so-i-have-news/

[bearballing]

End of the year Asks exept they’re not asks and done like a livejournal/myspace answer thing

1) Song of the year? Rare Ould Mountain Dew - The Irish Rovers i actually discovered in on xmas eve last year, rare old mountain dew was mentioned in Fairytale of New York so I decided to look it up and this was the first version i found and then i fell down a rabbit hole of traditional irish music. lol. anyway this is still the best recorded version of mountain dew there is

runner up is Hell’s Comin’ With Me - Poor Man’s Poison it just so happened to be the perfect song for saints row 2022 AND for thaddeus. whomst i played as

notable mention is any version ever of The Rattlin Bog/Bog Down In The Valley-o. i found a youtube version of some irish wedding where the guests were drunkenly singing it at like 3am and even that slapped

2) Album of the year?

Not released in 2022 - The Irish Rovers 50 Years

Released in 2022 - Bronco, Orville Peck. and i had apparently forgotten to put the album on my phone until THE OTHER DAY???

3) Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

The Irish Rovers. Other notables are The Dubliners, Flogging Molly, Dropkick Murphys, Strugill Simpson, The Protomen

4) Movie of the year?

Nope. like enoguh for me to Physically own it when it came out on bluray.

5) TV show of the year?

we watched Parasyte and Ghost In The Shell, first time I saw both of them and i love when shows make me like obsess over the lore lmao.

OH AND UH THE UK COMING /SECOND/ IN EUROVISION.

6) Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯  i dont think there was a specific episode of anything.

7) Favorite actor of the year?

jim byrnes, every time we find out something about him it makes our heads explode lol. we still have to actually watch half the stuff he’s been in

8) Game of the year?

joint Saints Row and Pokemon Legends Arceus. 95% of the complaints about saints row are stupid i loved it. i still want to try to 100% it (I’M CLOSE) at some point

9) Best month for you this year?

january/february maybe

10) Something that made you cry this year?

hurricane ian. also the death of 2 cats

11) Something you want to do again next year?

go to maine lol. we May be able to

12) Talk about a new friend you made this year

well i gained several mutuals on here.....

13) How was your birthday this year?

it was nice!!! i got to do shit that i wanted and just chill. and i’m finally not in my 20s anymore

14) Favorite book you read this year?

i don’t think i read anything new, only re-read things

15) What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

fuck i dunno. procrastinating on vacuuming the house.

16) Post a picture from the beginning of the year

17) Post a picture from the end of the year

18) A memorable meal this year?

we had dinner at belle’s castle at disney world. IN THE WEST WING.

19) What’re you excited about for next year?

visiting my family in the uk. which i’m also nervous about ngl

20) What’s something you learned this year?

that gamefreak can truly get away with anything regardless of quality

21) What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

WE OWN A HOUSE WE OWN A HOUSE WE OWN A HOUSE WE OWN A HOUSE

22) Favorite place you visited this year?

didney wurl trip was gr9, really liked getting to go to new england again even though the circumstances sucked.

23) If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

house happens on the 31st don’t worry about it

24) Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

got a house lol

25) Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

no new ones but this was definitely the year of our lord Thaddeus2022. i played as him in saints row And in pokemon violet and accidentally created so much new lore for him. boxy also accidentally dreamed up yet another AU where he is the main character too lmao

[bananawallstreet]

Adobe premiere pro cs2 and cuda

Adobe premiere pro cs2 and cuda 1080p#

Adobe premiere pro cs2 and cuda update#

Adobe premiere pro cs2 and cuda windows 10#

Adobe premiere pro cs2 and cuda portable#

Question Advice on returning laptop for video editing Question Does iGo Green Universal Laptop Charger (PS00132-0009RF 90W) is supports Asus ROG laptop? Now laptop won’t turn on, power light blinks blue 5 times. Question Acre laptop shut down while performing disk cloning for SSD. Question Laptop lag spikes when playing on emulators

Adobe premiere pro cs2 and cuda windows 10#

Question Asus Laptop X555UB Boots to BIOs Only, Not to Windows 10 Question My GPU is not pulling power after a screw fell near a capacitor while cleaning it help. My laptop turns on, but my keyboard won't work and my laptop screen is just black. Question Will a X751 dc cable work on G551 laptop? Question Laptop (asus s15 s530) won't turn on after charger sparked I'd like a solid laptop with the ability to do some video work, but I really don't know much about the hardware demands of Adobe since I've not really used Premiere Pro since CS2 (and a machine was provided). The new SB graphics are good enough for my Age of Empires III needs (in fact, most graphics for the past 2-3 years are sufficient). I'll have to look at the benchmarks and reviews again to see how it fairs.Ĭorrect me if I'm wrong, but the GPU typically doesn't do much when transcoding or editing video (excluding nVidia CUDA acceleration). I agree that llano is a good platform the integrated graphics are amazing (besting many entry level dedicated cards). That isn't to say that I won't look more into it, but I've mainly looked at Sandy Bridge machines because of the CPU power. Yes, llano isn't bad, but the issue with it is that it still has the forever old Stars CPU, and I'm afraid that CPU performance won't be that big of a jump from what I have right now, a 2 Ghz Turion X2. The battery life should be good too on those. The GPU, on the other hand, is pretty good for the price you're paying. While the CPU part of the laptop may not beat Sandy Bridge or the likes, it's not entirely crap either. Most comes with 1600x900 but you do get the usual 1366x768. You may want to take a look at the new released llano laptops. I also tend to lean towards the new Sandy Bridge processors because they seem to be faster, and I may be doing some video encoding and editing in Adobe Premiere Pro CS5 for class that I will be taking. I would like something significantly more powerful than my current machine:

Adobe premiere pro cs2 and cuda update#

the ultimate question! Will update tomorrow /w more details. Looking for power, portability, and battery life. Please tell us any additional information if needed. I very much dislike Acer for almost every reason. I own a Toshiba right now, but I'm not too partial to a brand. Please tell us about the brands that you prefer to buy from them and the brands that you don't like and explain the reasons. Optical drive is not strictly necessary, but a DVD burner would be a nice thing to have handy.ġ2. What kind of Optical drive do you need? DVD ROM/Writer,Bluray ROM/Writer,Etc ? How long do you want to keep your laptop?ġ1. If you are considering specific sites to buy from, please post their links.ĭon't really care where I buy as long as it is a respectable company.ġ0. How much storage (Hard Drive capacity) do you need?ĩ. I would love for a machine that can run Premiere Pro well.Ĩ. I program websites, extensive multitasking, photoshop, and I may run Premiere Pro CS5 some. What other tasks do you want to do with your laptop? (Photo/Video editing, Etc.) Oh, and I play Age of Empire III some, but it isn't TOO demanding.ħ. No, I don't game, but if it plays Crysis, I won't complain. Do you want to play games with your laptop? If so then please list the games that you want to with the settings that you want for these games. Looking for 5+ hours (4 is a strict minimum, 6+ is great)Ħ. More towards portable, but I need some power too.

Adobe premiere pro cs2 and cuda portable#

Do you need a portable or desktop replacement laptop?

Adobe premiere pro cs2 and cuda 1080p#

Not a huge deal, I have a 1080p 23.5" monitor.Ĥ. What is the size of the notebook that you are considering? I would like to stay within $600 to $900.Ģ.

[jjks-dodo]

What did you think of the movie!!!

IT WAS SOOOOO GOOOOOOOD

and everything after this gonna be spoiler review lol

and it's really not organized

God I was like... I wasn't expecting the movie would be depicting the past arc that much?? like?? I wanted to scream when I saw Geto saving miminana ughhh that scene....and i knew there'd be shinjuku scene because the official released the short pv on Youtube, but I wasn't expecting they they'd actually say the lines.....and that slow turn of geto just broke my heart so bad ughhhhhhdkjadfkjksjdfksdf and when they last talked... gojo sitting down to tell geto the line 'that we do not know but is in the book' at the same eye level<<<<<<<<<<killed me..... little details like this really hit hard.....

and gojo at the end was so good looking and so cute??? like ??? I this we can say that Gojo is cute (objectively)

Okkotsu was such a romantist and rika was the cutest girl ever (human and cursed spirit form both) and the 1st years (current 2nd years) were so cute together toooooooo

before I went to the movie, I was listening to Sakurai's radio (the voice actor of Geto) and he was saying something about tamamo no mae (as Japanese Yokai in general). Then it became something about jjk0, and he was like 'Tamamo no mae is a special grade curse spirit, and Uzumaki would probably be as strong as a special grade curse too. So there were total of 3 special grades at that place. But the PINK BEAM... And he was talking about the pink beam/sexy beam/ love beam for like 2 minutes lol so at the end of the fighting scene between okkotsu and geto, all I think in my head was 'the pink beam.. the pink beam all over the screen..' lollol

Anyway.... The first thing I said after the movie was 'Geto was alive...and he's dead now'... man it was good but it was sad..lol but I'm really happy I was able to watch him (the real geto) being alive and fighting like a proper special grade curse user..

I watched it twice cuz i wanted to focus on details of the movie. But the second time I watched, someone laughed at the scene where Gojo kills Geto.. and i'm like how??? i don't understand lollol what was so funny about that scene?? but then again, everyone has diff perspective, so it's whatever :cccc

I loved it.. and i want to watch couple more times if my schedule permits... and prob gonna buy the bluray too..

and I NEED THE PHOTOS OF GETO both in his casual wear and his monk wear (the photo on the whiteboard when Ijichi was explaining about Geto in the meeting)

oh and SAKAYUME THE BEST SONG EVER

[aitaikimochi]

The BNHA Season 4 BluRay/DVD Vol. 1-6 Box Set comes with a special bonus light novel called the "Cultural Festival Wrap-Up Party" about Class A's after-party they had the day after the Cultural Festival, written by Anri-sensei. Here's the summary! Enjoy~

Boku No Hero Academia Cultural Festival Wrap Up Party

The story starts off with All Might greeting Aizawa as he enters the faculty office, a day after the Cultural Festival. He says good work to Aizawa and asks how the clean-up went for the Cultural Festival. Aizawa says that everything has been put away properly and recalls how it was a bit of a risky Cultural Festival this year with the whole fiasco that almost caused them to stop the festival, referring to the incident with Gentle and La Brava.

Aizawa mentions that the students are now preparing for an after-party. He says, “too bad they can’t put this amount of effort that they did in the Cultural Festival towards their studies instead,” and All Might laughs and says, “Well, they’re still just kids after all.” He also tells All Might that a little while ago, Sero stopped by the office to ask him something. Aizawa says, “What?” and All Might explains, “Well…you see…”

Next scene is at a nearby discount variety store (**note: basically a Don Quihote department store in Japan that sells a variety of things including food at really cheap prices). The Class A band team, consisting of Jirou, Kaminari, Bakugou, Yaoyorozu, and Tokoyami, are buying snacks and drinks for the after-party. However, Jirou seems to be the only one who’s actually taking this seriously as she can’t find where everyone else ran off to. She bumps into Yaoyorozu, who excitedly says, “Jirou-san, look at these super cheap drinks! They’re only 10yen each! If we buy 20 of them that’s only 200yen!”

Jirou looks at the bottles and notices that they’re only on sale because the drinks had already expired. She tells Yaoyorozu to put away the items. She then continues to search for the other band members and finds Kaminari. He tells her that he wants to add these cool snacks into their pile of food, which come with bonus cards or toys. He says, “Look at these! Doesn’t it take you back? Man, when I was a kid I used to collect these all the time!”

Jirou looks at the items and says “put it back,” and Kaminari whines but does so anyway. Yaoyorozu keeps getting distracted by all the things in the store since she’s very rich, she seldom has the opportunity to visit these discount stores that people go to. Jirou finds Tokoyami, and Dark Shadow dumps a whole bunch of sweets into their shopping cart. Jirou says that they don’t need that many sweets and to put things back. Tokoyami then gives Jirou a snack with packaging that says “The Witch of Darkness’ Apple Pie.” Dark Shadow says, “Fumikage used to love these sweets when he was younger!” and Tokoyami gets flustered. Jirou then pats Dark Shadow on his head, and Bakugou comes up behind her.

He says, “What the hell are you guys even buying!?”

Kaminari cries out, “Whattya mean!?”

Bakugou says, “If we’re gonna eat this at the after-party, then we need several big bags of food! And why the hell am I even here shopping with you guys right now!? This is so annoying!”

As he says that, he fills the shopping cart with bags of potato chips, sweets, paper plates, and trash bags. Jirou sighs in relief and says, “Yeah! I was thinking of getting paper plates too so clean-up would be easier!” They then agree to buy some more bottles of juice and soda, and Bakugou says they only need a maximum 5 bottles to which Jirou agrees.

Bakugou then says, “Well then let’s just get the hell out of here!” and Kaminari regrettably puts all of the sweets that he added to the shopping cart back on the shelves. Jirou looks at Bakugou and says, “Bakugou, you’re…kinda like a very capable Mom.”

Bakugou gets mad and says, “WHAT!? Stop saying such stupid crap!”

While the Band members are buying stuff at the discount store, the Dance Team members and Stage members are back in the Class A dormitory preparing food and decorating the common room. The Dance Team is in charge of the food and the Stage team is in charge of decorations.

Satou is the one who is cooking most of the food, but the other Dance Team members are helping him with the food preparation. Iida is in charge of chopping the vegetables, and although he is known for his speed, he’s not used to handling knives, so he chops them at a slower pace. Hagakure is in charge of prepping the oil and oil absorbent sheets to fry the chicken and place it on the sheets. Ochako and Ashido are in charge of stirring the pot, which contains beschamel and bolognese sauces.

Ojiro checks up on the oven to make sure that it’s the right temperature. Satou tells Ochako and Ashido to add the sauce for the lasagna and to not forget to put olive oil on top. Shouji says that he’s done making the dressing for the salad, and Satou samples it. The kitchen is full of lively sounds, and everyone is excited for Ojiro’s delicious cooking.

Ochako, Ashido, and Hagakure then discuss how Christmas is around the corner too, so they should do this again and throw a Christmas party next time. While they think about having a potential Christmas party, Iida says, “Hey now! Christmas is a day that celebrates the Birth of Jesus Christ! You should be spending it with your families, so this Christmas we…”

Satou then says, “Iida, the knife, watch out the knife!” since Iida was talking while swinging the knife around in his hand. Iida apologizes. Ashido then says, “But wouldn’t a party be fun?” and Mineta appears in the kitchen holding some peaches while muttering, “Christmas…Christmas costumes…Santa Girl skirts…That’s awesome…”

However, they eventually convince Iida that Christmas is indeed a time to celebrate things together, and Iida gives in and says he will ask Aizawa for permission to throw a Christmas party much to everyone’s delight.

Mineta had been slacking off on his duties by looking at the peaches and stroking them gently, imagining something lewd, and Hagakure calls him out on his perverted thoughts and tells him to help out along with the others.

He is in charge of cutting the carrots, and while everyone is helping prepare the food, Ochako stares at the fried chicken that just came out of the fryer. She can’t help herself and pops one into her mouth only to find that it’s burning hot. Tsuyu says to be careful since they’re still hot, and Ochako apologizes as the fried chicken looked and smelled so delicious she moved without thinking.

Satou asks her how’s the flavor, and she says the fried chicken is really good while giving him a thumbs up.

Ojiro and Hagakure are washing the dishes, and Hagakure holds the plates, making them look like they’re floating in mid air. Ojiro then tells Hagakure that she should probably put some clothes on if she’s going to be in the kitchen where people use fire and knives, but she said she just wanted to see what people’s reactions were to her small pranks. Shouji then passes her an apron, and Mineta muses that it’s one of those tropes where girls wear aprons while naked, but Iida warns him to not go further.

Meanwhile, in the common room area, the Stage Team is preparing the decorations to be strung about the living room. Deku, Todoroki, and Koda are folding origami together to put on the walls as banners. Deku folds a cool All Might shaped origami, and Todoroki praises him, saying “Wow, All Might! That’s awesome!” Deku actually used to practice folding the All Might origami countless of times to perfect its shape, and he blushes a bit when he hears praise from someone.

He then sees that Todoroki folded a crane, and Todoroki says that his sister taught him how to fold the crane origami when he was a child.

Koda then says, “Oh um…I…made a camera origami!” and shows them a whimsical camera shaped origami that makes a shutter noise when pressed. Deku then notices that Koda actually had folded a ton of different origami flowers and animals, and Koda gets a bit embarrassed at the attention.

Koda says, “But the All Might origami is amazing…” and Todoroki agrees.

Todoroki then asks Deku to teach him how to fold the All Might origami. Deku is happy to oblige, and he says, “Okay first you fold a triangle and then…”

As he starts teaching Todoroki, Kirishima comes into the room and puts up his own dorm room’s fisherman banner on the wall of the common room. He says that this will make the place a bit flashier, and the others agree. Aoyama then comes in and also says that they need something sparkly and bright. Aoyama tells them that he’ll come back with something sparkly.

Kirishima then says, “Oh wait I’ll come help too!”

Todoroki then turns to Deku and says, “Midoriya, so how exactly do you fold the All Might origami?”

Deku realized that he was in the middle of teaching Todoroki before they got interrupted by the others, so he resumes his lesson by saying to first fold a triangle. Afterwards, he goes off on a tangent about how to perfect the folding process as well as making sure to accentuate the silhouette of All Might through the folds, and as he mumbles a bit, he accidentally folds the origami too quickly.

Todoroki is patient with him though and says again, “Um…can you please start from the beginning and teach me the steps a bit slower this time?”

Deku apologizes for folding the paper too fast and teaches Todoroki again, this time at a slower pace.

Kirishima then walks by and says, “Woah Todoroki, you also want to learn how to fold the All Might origami?” He leaves them to their folding and joins Aoyama and Koda in putting the finished origami and other decorations up on the walls.

After Todoroki successfully folds the All Might origami, Deku says, “You made your first All Might origami!” and Todoroki responds quietly, “I think this should be able to fit in the letter…”

Deku says, “Hmm?” and Todoroki says, “Ah, it’s nothing.”

Aoyama them brings a disco ball into the common room, and he, Kirishima, and Sero put up the other decorations.

Finally, the preparations are complete, and the Class A students gather in the common room surrounding a bunch of food that’s placed on the tables. Iida then makes a toast to a successful Cultural Festival, and everyone raises their glasses and says, “Cheers!”

Satou mentions that he also has prepared dessert, and they have two choices of either a chestnut and fig montblanc cake or an apple and peach jelly. Tsuyu chooses the jelly as jelly is apparently her favorite food. Tokoyami also chooses the jelly dessert while Ashido takes the montblanc.

Iida mentions that he and Mineta were in charge of chopping the cabbages and carrots for the cole slaw. Todoroki and Deku praise him and say that the coleslaw is delicious.

Bakugou watches irritably and decides to leave the party, but Kaminari says, “Hey hey hey, where do you think you’re going, Kacchan-kun!?” Bakugou says that seeing everyone making small talk is pissing him off, but Kaminari rebutts by saying, “But you looked excited when you were buying food!”

Kirishima then comes over and says, “Bakugou! I brought you some fried chicken! Let’s eat a ton!” and puts a bunch of fried chicken in front of Bakugou, to which he says he doesn’t want it. Kirishima doesn’t back down though and says, “Oh I got it! So you want lasagna instead!” and brings a slice of lasagna for him.

Satou noticed Kirishima carrying the food over and says, “Hey, you should put a bunch of tabasco on it before eating too!” and pours a bunch of tabasco onto the lasagna and force feeds Bakugou with it. Bakugou yells, “What the hell are you doing!?” but eventually pipes down after taking the lasagna from Kirishima as it seems like he does enjoy the food after all. Kirishima watches him and says, “See, I told you it’s good! I’ll bring you seconds!” and goes to bring Bakugou more food.

Sero then turns everyone’s attention towards the TV in the common room. He says, “Well then now that Bakugou’s calmed down, let’s watch the recap of our Cultural Festival performance!” He turns on the TV and everyone gathers around to watch the recorded performance.

Some of the members mention that Deku was late to the performance, and they thought that he might not even be able to perform. Deku apologizes for being late, but as the performance starts, they can hear the audience’s chatter as someone yells “YAOYOROZU!!!” Ashido and Kaminari tease her about having fans, and she gets flustered. Satou then whispers, “It’s starting…it’s starting…!” and the screen fills with the sound of Bakugou’s drums as well as a huge explosion.

The girls all fawn over how cool Jirou looks while singing, and this causes her to blush and say, “Please stop…” Koda also adds, “You were really cool, Jirou-san,” which makes her blush deepen.

Ashido exclaims, “Look look, the dance is all in line too!” and the class watches as Ojiro uses his tail to swing around. Everyone on the dance team mentions how it was thanks to Ashido being their teacher that they were able to have fun while dancing and making this possible. Next is Deku and Aoyama’s synchronized dance, and Shouji murmurs to Tsuyu, “Wow, they are so in sync!” to which she replies, “Midoriya-chan and Aoyama-chan practiced real hard, right?”

The students continue to watch as Aoyama becomes a disco ball and the stage team starts their part of the performance with Kirishima shaving the ice that Todoroki created while Sero uses his tape, and Kirishima says, “You guys’ timing was perfect, Seroroki!”

Sero mentions that they should try this move out while doing actual hero work next time, and Todoroki agrees. As Kaminari watches himself play the guitar, he says, “Woah there…I feel like I’m gonna be super popular after this with those slick guitar moves…!” and Mineta says, “But wait did you guys see my harem dance? That was the best…!”

Jirou says, “Tokoyami, you’ve gotten super good at guitar!” and Tokoyami mentions that it’s all thanks to her.

Kirishima and Bakugou are watching the performance from a spot a little away from the rest of the class, and Kirishima smiles at Bakugou, saying, “Man, you’re great at drumming after all!” and Bakugou replies casually, “it’s just average.”

Jirou overhears their conversation and says, “No way! Your drumming was phenomenal! Your rhythm is what allowed us all to stay in sync! Thank you for taking on this role!” and Bakugou scoffs and says, “Well, you’re the one who carried the whole performance though!”

Everyone is really impressed by Jirou’s bass skills as well as her singing, and they vote for her as the Class A Cultural Festival MVP. Everyone, aside from Bakugou, smiles at her, and she blushes, saying, “What…why…”

Yaoyorozu remarks, “Jirou-san, you were shining the brightest!” and Aoyama says, “Even more than me!?☆” But he agrees that Jirou indeed deserves the MVP title.

The class asks Jirou to make a small speech. She thanks everyone for making this performance a reality, and she’s really happy that they were able to perform together.

After everyone is done eating, Sero and Kaminari tells the class that they have some cool party games planned for everyone. Most of the class are excited for what they have in store, but Bakugou feels like it’s a waste of time and gets up to leave. Kirishima tries to stop him, but Sero taunts, “Oh, you’re leaving because you don’t think you can win, right? Well that’s fine, you can go back. Even though we have a quiz specifically tailored for you, but I guess you’d fail anyway.”

This gets Bakugou angry, and he agrees to participate in Sero’s dumb quiz challenge.

The games that Sero and Kaminari have planned are for one member of each Cultural Festival team to undergo a “Can you guess the __” type of challenge. Bakugou is first up, representing the Band Team. His challenge is to differentiate between three different types of pepper spice seasoning purely by taste (called 一味 ichimi).

Bakugou sits down in front of the table that has the seasonings, and Sero blindfolds him by putting on an eye mask that has a funny grinning face on it. Deku and the others snicker at how ridiculous Bakugou looks with that eye mask on, and Bakugou gets mad, yelling, “Damnit Deku, what the hell is so funny!?” Deku replies, “Well, anyone would laugh when they see…hahah!”

Bakugou roars, “You piece of shit!” but Todoroki says calmly, “Hey Bakugou, maybe you should consider wearing a hero suit that matches that mask.” Bakugou is furious and yells, “Shut the hell up, you half and half bastard!”

The challenge then begins, and Kaminari spoon feeds Bakugou the three different spices. He surprises everyone by correctly guessing each type of spice and goes even as far to explain which company manufactures them. Kaminari and Sero are speechless, but Deku says, “I thought that Kacchan would know the difference. He’s always had a very particular sense of taste. He could even tell when sweets expired and would never eat the expired food.”

Bakugou gets mad and says, “Don’t put on that stupid face as if you know it all!” and throws the eye mask at Deku.

The next challenge is Todoroki’s turn, representing the Stage Team. His task is to figure out among three cups of brown liquid which one is soba noodle soup. The cups contain either coffee, soba noodle soup, or throat medicine, and Todoroki cannot smell or taste them before picking his answer.

Iida mentions that Todoroki often eats soba during lunch, so there’s no way he would guess incorrectly for a food that he loves. Deku says, “Good luck, Todoroki!” as everyone watches him study the cups closely. The catch is that he also has to drink from whichever cup he chooses. Todoroki decides on a cup and drinks from it, only to spit it out and say, “That…wasn’t soba noodle soup…”

Kaminari chimes in by explaining that the cup he chose was actually throat medicine. Todoroki apologizes for spitting out the throat medicine, which splurted all over Iida and Deku. They tell him not to worry as more importantly, they need to get tissues to clean up the mess. Todoroki mutters, “I don’t think I want to eat soba anymore after this…”

The next challenge is for Tsuyu, where she has to differentiate from three different types of fluffy things: Koda’s bunny, Ojiro’s tail, and Deku’s hair by touch only. As she puts on the eye mask, Koda, Ojirou, and Deku stand in front of her. When Koda offers the bunny, Tsuyu says, “it’s fluffy.” When Ojiro offers his tail, she also says, “it’s fluffy.” When Deku offers his hair, Tsuyu says, “it’s…fuzzy?” She then correctly guesses which fluffiness was which.

Kaminari and Sero then round up the results of the various challenges, and the winner ends up being Bakugou!

Bakugou says, “Obviously I would win!” but the party’s not over yet! Next up is the Personality Quiz! Sero explains that since the class is with each other practically 24/7, they should all have picked up on small details of each other. This quiz will test how well they actually know each other after all.

The first question they ask is, “What did Iida answer on his Hero Test the other day to name the three most beautiful Heroes of the past?”

The class guesses incorrectly, and the answer was that he wrote on his test “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and everyone has their own different types of beauty.”

Baffled, Iida asks Sero and Kaminari how they even knew what he wrote on a test paper, and they explained that their accomplice, Hagakure, has been doing a bit of spying on everyone in order for them to make this quiz a reality. Hagakure apologizes for doing so, but she says that she saw it as an opportunity to also test out her hero skills too.

The next question is “What has Yaoyorozu been obsessed about lately?” Jirou answers first, saying “Oh, is it furikake (rice seasoning)?” The answer turns out to be correct, and recently, Yaoyorozu has taken a strong liking to furikake to season her rice, which makes her blush a bit.

Sero then says, “All right Kaminari, what’s the next question?”

Kaminari answers, “Okay! For the next question, what made Ojirou disappointed recently!?”

Satou guesses, “Cementoss said his effort was average?”

Shouji says, “Tetsutetsu told him his strength was average?”

Aoyama ponders, “Recovery Girl said his health was average?☆”

The correct answer is actually Ojiro changed the conditioner for his tail recently, but no one noticed. However, Hagakure sidles up to him and says, “I actually saw you looking around near the bathroom area to see if anyone noticed, haha!” and Ojiro gets red, saying, “Well if you were watching me, why didn’t you say anything…!?”

The next question was, “What was hidden in Kirishima’s elementary school yearbook!?” Kirishima panics and says, “Huh!? How did you…!” but Sero grins and says, “That’s only for me to know. But I totally could not believe what was hidden there!”

Ashido guesses, “Maybe a love letter!?”

Mineta exclaims, “A porn magazine!!”

Todoroki says, “Failed test scores?”

All three of them were incorrect. The correct answer is “a photo of him dressed up as a girl!”

Bakugou says to him, “You’re actually into that kinda stuff?”

Kirishima gets flustered and says, “Wait, you’ve got it all wrong! It was during my elementary school’s festival stage play of Cinderella where I played the Stepmother! When I left the picture at home, my mommy kept showing it to other people, so I tried to hide it!!”

Kaminari then continues with the next question, saying “Okay, so next question. Before the Cultural Festival performance, what did Uraraka mess up on!?”

Deku says, “She accidentally made herself float!?”

Iida offers, “She was too nervous she threw up!?”

Tokoyami asks, “She ate too much mochi and threw up!?”

Kaminari says they all guessed wrong and the correct answer is “she was looking for Midoriya but tripped and accidentally went into a room where Class B’s Monoma was in the middle of changing clothes!”

Ochako gets red in the face and says, “I didn’t do it on purpose!!”

Mineta comments something lewd, but Tsuyu shuts him down.

The next question is “What was the reason why Jirou and Hagakure were arguing!?”

Koda says, “Because Hagakure-san was messing with Jirou-san’s earphone jack…?”

Yaoyorozu offers, “Jirou-san accidentally stepped on Hagakure-san’s naked body?”

Mineta exclaims, “Fighting over a guy!”

The correct answer is because Hagakure tried scaring Jirou after they watched a horror film together. Ashido asked whether they actually argued, and Jirou said she got mad because when she takes a shower alone, she’s usually scared of the bathroom area anyway. So when Hagakure messed with her by causing the lights to flicker on and off and the faucet to suddenly turn on by itself, she absoutely freaked out and felt like she almost had a heart attack. Naturally, she was livid, and Hagakure says, “Sorry Jirou, your reactions were just too good!”

The next question is about Deku, and Kaminari asks, “Recently, Deku has been leaving the dorm early to meet with someone. Who is that secret someone!?” (**Note: The word they use is ‘aibiki,” which means secret date/meeting).

Deku is surprised and says, “Wait, how do you know that…?”

Mineta and Satou ask if he was secretly meeting up with a girl, and Iida says, “Midoriya-kun! Are you actually in a relationship with a girl!? You should prioritize studies first!”

Ochako is confused as she says to herself, “Aibiki? Like the type of meat?” (**Note: Ochako isn’t familiar with the word, so she thinks it’s referring to ‘aibikiniku,’ which is a combination of different types of ground meat)

Deku gets nervous and says, “No, it’s not like that…” He thinks of ways to deflect the situation without making it known that he’s actually meeting up with All Might in the morning to train his quirk, but the other classmates continue to guess.

Kirishima says, “He’s meeting with someone from the General Class!?”

Ashido says, “No way…maybe he’s meeting with someone older, like Midnight…!?”

Mineta suggests, “Maybe he’s meeting with a living thing other than a girl…!!”

All three of their guesses were incorrect, and the correct answer was that he was meeting with the Support Department’s Hatsume Mei!

Deku is relieved to know that the others have not found out about his secret rendezvous with All Might early in the morning to do training.

Bakugou snorts and says, “There’s no way that dumb nerd would ever be popular!” but Sero says, “No, Midoriya is quite popular among the ladies. Like during the Provisional License Exam when that naked upper classman got all over him.”

Deku rebutts by saying, “But that was because she was attacking me!?”

Iida then recalls how Hatsume helped Deku out when they went to the department together earlier, and after an explosion, she was also all over him. Mineta then gets lewd thoughts again, but the conversation switches to Mineta using his mogimogi hair balls and puts it on Deku’s head. Iida notes that it looks like Deku’s wearing those infamous mouse ears from “Zoo Dreamland” (aka Disneyland). Ashido mentions that she used to go to Disneyla—…Zoo Dreamland all the time when she was younger. The class chatter switches to discussing their favorite rides, attractions, and food.

The class then asks Mineta to put mogimogi balls on their heads too so they can look like they’re wearing those infamous mouse ears as well. Mineta enjoys the attention and says, “All right I guess…”

Before the party wraps up, Sero mentions that there’s one more video that they want to show to everyone. As they gather around the TV to watch, they see Aizawa on screen with a cat. As the video starts, Aizawa suddenly appears in the common room and reprimands them, asking what are they doing up so late? The video pauses on the screen.

Aizawa stops the party and tells everyone to clean up and go to their rooms. Since the party’s over, he tells Sero, Kaminari, and Hagakure to stay behind. The three students prepare themselves for a scolding, but instead, Aizawa asks them where they got this footage.

It turns out that Present Mic gave it to them after he recorded it while hiding in sight. The footage was of Aizawa trying to befriend a cat, but the cat ignores him and goes to All Might instead. Sero actually came to the faculty department before the after-party to ask for permission to show the footage, and since Aizawa wasn’t there at the time, All Might said it was okay.

However, Aizawa says he will be collecting the footage and tells the three to never discuss the contents of the video to anyone. They agree, and he sends them off on their way.

It’s been a long day, and Aizawa sighs and wonders just when he got caught up in all of this student stuff. However, although adolescence is short, that never stops them from chasing their dreams forever. Happily, while young, without sadness, sweetly, harshly…youth is a precious thing.

The light novel ends with Aizawa saying, “Good luck, everyone” with the words “the festival had ended, but even so, their bright days continue onward.”

THE END

[babymetaldoll]

Danger Days - Chapter fourteen: "Love, hate, love"

Word count: 8,8K

Summary: The band is decided to take care of Joey, and for once, she is ok with that. Gerard is trying to find a way to get closer to her while Matthew... gets drunk again.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, cursing, cheating, angst, a lot of crying.

A/N: I want a friend like Mikey in my life. Do you guys think Joey will forgive Matthew? Would you do it? also, I love how honest Frank is with Joey. Gerard really hates him at this point hehehe.

Not my gif, and all this shit is fiction.

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | Chapter sixteen | Chapter seventeen | Chapter eighteen | Chapter nineteen | Chapter twenty | Chapter twenty one | Chapter twenty-two | Chapter twenty-three | Chapter twenty-four |

::: Valencia, March 11th, 2011 :::

Joey's eyes were wide opened as she laid on her bed. She hadn't slept at all. Mikey was snoring next to her. He had stayed over to take care of her after everybody left. But he fell asleep, and the girl stayed up the whole night, not able to move or to do anything but to stare at the heart locket on her bedside table. It felt like bullshit to her now. What seemed to be so romantic was now nothing but a pile of lies.

Memories kept coming to her head. All of the times together with Matthew, their whole happiness. All the days they spent working on the house he had bought for them, and all the nights they sat in their new back yard to look at the stars, drink some wine and sleep in an inflatable mattress they had put in their bedroom. But what she remembered the most was the day they met. The day their whole story together had started, and how now Joey wished to go back in time and change it all. Ignore him, never talking to him, not even being in that studio that day. Anything that might keep her from the pain she was feeling now.

She had reached the studio early that morning. She had a meeting with a band at ten to record a demo. They needed a studio drummer, and Billy, the producer, contacted her. She had learned the songs; there were just three on the setlist. That shouldn't take more than three days in the whole process, including production.

Joey went through her warm-up and stretching before Billy walked in with two cups of coffee.

- "Thank you."

- "You are gonna need it,"- he said and cut her a short smile- "As far as I can tell, these guys are hyper"- the girl smiled and nodded.

- "Noted, hyper kids."

The drummer already had a lot of practice recording with random bands and some pretty known bands too. Yet, she wasn't ready for the tornado of energy that was about to go through the door that day.

The band was pretty funny and easy-going. Their music wasn't really in Joey's favorite playlist, but she was professional enough to give her best no matter what. Their friend, though, that guy was driving her insane. This very tall thin guy with light brown hair kept jumping with every song they played. He was sugar rushed or in coke. There was no way anyone would be that energetic on his own. And he had an opinion for every part of every song. Their friends loved him, it was clear, that's why they brought him along, but Joey was trying to do her work.

- "Hey,"- he said to her at the end of the session. He hadn't talked to her in the whole day- "That was pretty cool what you did back there."

- "Thanks"- she simply answered and looked for her backpack.

- "I mean, you played amazing, but the way you managed not to kill me through the whole day, though it was clear I was driving you insane, that was outstanding"- and the girl chuckled, she hated it 'cos she didn't want to, but that had been funny indeed.

- "It took a lot of will and mental strength, I must confess, you were pretty annoying,"- she answered with a snarky smile.

- "I'm sorry in advance for the next three or four days then"- the girl sighed and nodded.

- "Thanks, I guess."

- "Hey, can I try to make it up to you?"

- "By not to eat anything with sugar or take any coffee before coming tomorrow? Because that would be awesome"- and Matthew laughed. An honest big, and sincere laugher.

- "No, I was going to ask you if you wanted to get a coffee now with me..."

- "How much coffee do you have during the day?"- the drummer asked, raising an eyebrow.

- "A lot"- he simply answered- "So, what do you say? I promise I won't be annoying, or at least just the decent amount of annoying to be tolerable."

Joey didn't know what to reply. It had been ages since anyone had asked her out, and that guy was breathtakingly hot. Was it a prank? Why would he want to go out with her?

- "How are you planning not to be annoying?"- she asked and narrowed her eyes.

- "You can pinch me every time I get annoying,"- Gubler grinned, looking pretty excited to go out with her- "I know you want to pinch me."

Joey smiled and kept her eyes on his. He gave her the most adorable puppy eyes, and not even thinking about it, she accepted.

And that was the first of a thousand coffees they shared in almost a year together. They had even talked about getting married around the same date they had started dating. But now, none of that mattered anymore.

- "Mother fucker"- she whispered and slowly got out of bed. Mikey was still asleep. She wondered around the room, not knowing what to do. She went through all the things the guys had left upon a dresser: chocolate bars, filled chocolate, M&M, fun-size Snickers, all of her favorites candies. Frank's whiskey bottle, even a Pride and Prejudice Bluray.

- "You guys are awesome,"- she whispered and grabbed a bunch of candy. She looked through her things as she ate. It felt nothing was hers anymore. It felt that wasn't her life or her clothing. Not even her mind. She was out of herself. Her phone was nowhere to be seen. Probably Mikey had it hidden, just like she had done for him when he broke up with his wife. Now the tables had turned. And it felt weird. Wrong. Bad.

Joey had a knot in her stomach as she kept eating Snicker after Snicker. Still, she couldn't stop. She didn't want to stop. She found Matthew's shirts among her clothes, and her body shivered at the smell of his perfume still in the fabric. She could almost see his face, hear his voice, feel his hands on her skin. The same hands that had cheated.

Tears started falling right away. Still, she couldn't stop smelling the shirt. She couldn't stop thinking about him, about his face, his kisses, everything. But yet, she was so mad, so sad, so confused. Her stomach started aching, and the girl started retching. She ran to the bathroom and puked the few candies she had eaten. That was all that was left in her stomach.

- "Bug, hey..."- Mikey appeared running and kneeled next to her.

- "I'm ok, I just... I'm still..."- the girl sighed and wiped off the tears from her face, flushing. Mikey reached the mouthwash for her- "Thank you"- Joey clumsy stood up and spat in the sink.

- "Did you get any sleep?"

- "Not really"- the honesty of her answer surprised him. He was ready to deal with a girl in denial of her state. Instead, somehow, she just answered the truth. He decided to take another shot.

- "Are you hungry?"

- "Of course not. I just puked."

- "What do you wanna do today?"

- "Stay in here, in my pajamas, and watch shitty tv. How is your schedule for today? What do you have to do?"

- "Stay here in my pajama watching shitty tv with you,"- she cut him a sweet smile as she crawled into bed again.

- "You don't have to do that, Mikey. You have to work."

- "I know I don't have to, I want to do it for you"- he made a pause, grabbed the phone, and called room service.

- "Thank you,"- she whispered and heard him asking for two breakfasts.

- "Besides,"- Mikey added, after hanging up and getting into bed with her- "It's not like I have to show up and answer questions I've answered a million times before. That's why Gerard's the lead singer. He loves the attention."

Joey smiled and hugged Mikey, resting her head on his chest as he surfed channels.

- "Yeah, he is a little diva sometimes."

- "A little? Sometimes?"- Mikey chuckled- "Oh Bug, you have no idea..."

Gerard was walking on his own after the first interview. He asked for a few minutes to get something, and Worm came along to make sure he made it alive.

- "Dude, help, what can I give Joey?"

- "Is her birthday again or something?"

- "No, she broke up with Gubler, and I need something that might cheer her up."

- "Fuck! How is she?"

- "Locked in her room... what can I give her?"

- "Chocolates."- Worm answered right away.

- "Mikey got her a million of her favorites."

- "Booze."

- "Frank got her favorite whiskey."

- "Shit... movies to kill time?"- the man looked at Gerard and nodded- "So Ray got her movies?"

- "They had like a "break up kit" in their fucking bags or something. They know what to do, what to say to her, how to comfort her. And I ended up looking at her from a distance like... awkward and out of place."- Gerard was opening himself up at his friend.

- "Well, think of something that might help her use her time and mind to refocus her into something other than the breakup. Maybe a book"- Gerard nodded and kept looking at the window glazes. Instinctively he stood outside a stationery shop. He thought about it as he looked inside. To draw was an excellent way to kill time. Would she like that?

- "Why not?"- he said and walked in. After a few minutes, he stepped out with not two but three bags filled with art supplies.

- "Did you leave anything left in the store?"- Frank asked when he saw his friend carrying so many notebooks and pencils, you could think he was starting a store of his own. The two of them, plus Ray, got into the van to go to their following interview.

- "Funny. I just got Joey a few things to help her think of something else."

- "Cool man, good idea"- Ray smiled and took a look inside- "I just checked with Mikey. They were watching a movie."

- "How is she?"- Gerard asked as the van traveled through Valencia.

- "She didn't sleep, she hasn't eaten, Mikey was fighting to get her to eat some cereal... she was crying and puking when he woke up."

Gerard's heart ached in his chest as he heard Ray's words. He needed to find a way to make her feel better. But how? How if he never got to talk to her?

- "Any news from the asshole?"- Gerard asked, and Frank nodded.

- "Mikey has her phone off, so no one knows anything about him."

- "Do you think he is gonna show up?"- the singer asked, and both Ray and Frank looked at each other.

- "I think so,"- Toro said- "He is in love with her after all."

- "After all?"- Iero turned to him and frowned- "The fucker broke her heart! I don't want him near my little Bug in a thousand years."

Gerard wanted to hit Frank after calling her "his little Bug."

- "What the fuck is his problem? She ain't his. She is mine."

- "Frank, we are her friends, and we have to support her, but if she ever decides to get back with him again, even when we both know that's nearly impossible, we have to respect her. Ok?"- Ray was very rational about it, mostly 'cos he had lived it with other friends before- "So if he gets here, we can't do anything."

- "What do you mean "we can't do anything"?"- Frank frowned right away, frustrated- "I'm not gonna let that asshole near her."

- "Me neither, man"- Gerard adds- "And I can't believe you are saying this amount of shit after how she was yesterday."

- "It's called experience, Gerard. So remember, this whole shit ain't about how mad we are with Gubler, but about how much we want our friend to be happy, no matter what!"

Ray used his "dad" voice, and his friends couldn't argue with that. That was Raymond Toro's superpower: Super Dad.

Matthew looked at his mom and sighed. He still had three more days of shooting, and he was about to quit. Gubler barely had the strength to get out of bed that morning. He hadn't eaten. He looked like shit. He didn't want to be in the movie anymore. He gave a fuck about everything. So his mother came along to work with him and sat closely, reading a book, trying to comfort him in any way. Yes, that's how much Matthew loved his mother. And he cared shit if anyone made fun of him.

- "I can't do this, mom,"- he said as he walked to her by the end of a scene, he had some time to wait for things to be ready at the following location- "I mean, what the fuck am I doing here? I have to go to her! I have to tell her that I'm sorry"- he grabbed his phone and dialed- "Still off... Yami, please listen to me. I need to talk to you. This can't be it. I need you to listen to me."

- "Voicemail full"- a computer voice warned and finished the call.

- "Shit! Shit! Shit!"- the young man hit the wall next to him a couple of times as his face turned red in anger and desperation.

- "Matthew, please calm down, you are gonna go, but you need to be calm when you meet her. You have to put yourself together first. What are you going to tell her? How are you going to approach her?"- he sighed and walked around in front of his mother.

- "I just need to talk to her now!"- he whispered, pouting. He had never needed anyone as much as he needed Joey at that moment.

- "She has to make her process too. If you run to her now, you are both going to be still hyperventilated with what happened, you are going to be irrational, you know you will, and she is going to be still so hurt and mad she won't think straight"- Matthew sighed and looked at the ground- "Let the things cool down for a few days."

- "I still need to talk to her. I have to call her."

- "Just make sure you don't sound like a madman when you get to talk to her, ok?"

- "Do I sound like a madman now?"- his mother smiled at held his chin for a second

- "As I had never heard you before... you are in love, baby, it's ok to be a madman... just... try to keep a mind straight when it comes to talking to her, don't scare her away."

Matthew nodded and sighed. His mother's words made sense, but how to calm himself down when he felt he was dying inside? He grabbed his phone and dialed. Still off.

- "Can you come over tonight?"- he wrote and sent the text to Paget, his best friend.

- "Sure, is everything ok?"

- "Tell you tonight."

The band reached Joey's room at lunchtime. They brought pizza and beer, but she didn't want either. They talked to her about their day, the interviews, and Gerard gave her his present. That was the one thing Joey was excited about. She loved drawing and coloring, though she sucked at it.

- "Thank you, Gerard!"- she said and cut him a shy smile- "I wanted to get some of these things for a while and never did"- and the singer smiled proudly. He had finally done one thing right.

- "Hey, if you want, I can teach you a few things so you can start your comic,"- he said and sat next to her.

- "Thanks..."- she nodded but didn't look into the idea. Gerard was probably pushing too hard. But he had gotten so excited with her reaction he thought it was the solution to the whole situation. Nothing was farther from the truth.

- "Come on, Bug, we brought your favorite pizza,"- Frank said and sat next to her- "It has all the bacon in Spain."

- "I'm not hungry,"- she whispered and didn't take her eyes from the art supplies.

- "You've barely eaten,"- Mikey said and held her hand, looking at her so worried, it made Joey feel guilty for having her friend like that. It wasn't fair.

- "Bróðir, I am ok. I ate that cereal you gave me."

- "You threw it up twenty minutes later"- she closed her eyes and sighed- "Do you always throw up when you are upset?"- and she nodded. She didn't want to say a word about it. When Joey was a kid, she had many anxiety problems; she always threw up when she felt stressed. It was the way her body worked to cope with whatever it was that she was feeling.

- "Just a slice, I don't care if you vomit it,"- Frank insisted. She held it and took the tiniest bite possible in a poor attempt to make her friend happy. He just kept looking at her, forcing her to take another bite.

- "Do you have to go to work after lunch?"- she whispered and looked at her fingers playing with the bacon on her pizza.

- "Yeah, Bug. Mikey should probably go shower, but I'm gonna stay with you."

- "I'm not a baby, Ray"- the girl frowned- "I can be alone."

- "I know you can, I just feel like staying here, watch a bunch of movies... maybe sleep a little, I don't wanna go to work,"- Ray simply replied.

- "Guys, I know you are being too cute and adorable right now, and from the bottom of my heart, I am forever grateful for it, but I can stay alone. Nothing is gonna happen."

Mikey moved closer to Joey in the bed and wrapped an arm around her.

- "Sure, you are gonna be ok, but right now, we just wanna be with you... just today, ok? Tomorrow you are on your own,"- she turned and raised an eyebrow at him- "I promise."

- "Fine..."

- "Now eat"- he commanded and moved her pizza closer to her.

- "When are you going to give me my phone back?"- she asked after a while.

- "Tomorrow"- Mikey simply replied.

- "What's the plan for tomorrow, by the way?"- Joey asked and looked at her friends- "Do we have to be at the festival the whole day?"

- "No, but we have to be there early,"- Gerard said and chewed his food- "We have to do some press there, and you should come along."

- "I'm good, thanks."

- "No, really, it was great when we did that radio with you, and you've been great all along this tour, so... it would be great if you were there with us... how many times did I just say "great"?"- Joey smiled at Gerard and looked back at her pizza.

- "Like a million times, dude,"- Frank answered- "Hey, where's the veggie pizza?"

It was very heartwarming and, at the very same time, very overwhelming for Joey to feel that amount of love from her friends. She didn't see it coming. That afternoon, she and Ray watched Pride and Prejudice together, and she even allowed herself to share a few tears during those 90 minutes. Ray pretended he never noticed, and that made her happy.

She picked a bunch of other chick flicks she liked, and her friend watched them all, sleeping a little bit from time to time. Joey wasn't able to close an eye. Every time she took her mind off the movie, she thought of Matthew and started crying again.

By the time the rest of the band arrived again, with more booze, more food, and a whole bag of candies, Ray had watched Clueless, 10 things I hate about you and Ever After. He was pretty surprised to know Joey could recite from memory most of the dialogues in those movies. He never thought she could be so... girly.

- "Hey Bug!"- Mikey practically ran to her- "What are you doing?"

- "Coloring this mandala book Gerard got me"- it felt like she was a little kid and Ray was her nanny- "I don't know why people say this is relaxing; I find it pretty stressful"- Mikey looked at it and smiled.

- "Looks pretty cool to me."

- "Let me see"- Gerard said and walked to her, sitting for the very first time, next to her- "Yeah, that looks stressful"- he whispered, and she smiled- "But there was another coloring book in the bag."

- "I feel like I'm five years old,"- she whispered and looked at the singer in the eyes. He cut her a big smile and grabbed a notebook from his bag.

- "I stopped to buy ten comic books today, so that would make two of us."

- "What did you get?"- that conversation kept going. Gerard couldn't believe it.

- "I saw a few X-Men issues in Spanish, and I thought it would be a nice addition to my collection."

- "Nice..."- Frank moved closer and messed with the girl's hair.

- "I brought you a Dr. Pepper,"- he whispered and kissed her cheek.

- "Thank you, Jersey."

- "I also got you fries"- he smiled and raised an eyebrow- "You can't say no to fries..."- and damn it, Frank was right- "Cheesy fries"- he added with a low sexy voice.

- "I hate you, Frank."

- "It's time for you to face it, Iceland, you love me, you can't live without my pretty face making you laugh"- he teased her and chuckled. She kept her eyes in his and cut him a short smile.

- "Fuck you, Jersey"- she whispered but smiled and snuggled closer to him- "I love you. You are a psycho brother with the ability to make me want to punch you."

- "You are that hot second cousin I would nail,"- Frank answered with a chuckle and a low voice. Joey giggled and hit him simultaneously. Gerard froze, thinking there was no way Iero could be so honest with her about his thoughts, not making her mad.

- "Shut up. Why do you always ruin every single moment we've got together?"

- "'Cos... you laugh when I do, and I love to hear you laugh"- the girl chuckled and blushed.

- "Just give me the damn fries."

Gerard looked at his friend in shock. He had flirted, and she smiled. What the fuck was that? It was so clear everybody was closer to her than him... and she told him she loved him.

- "Damn it! You are not going anywhere tonight until you get fucking closer to this girl."

Around midnight, Ray and Frank stood up. Joey was still laid on her bed, wide awake, watching Lethal Weapon with Mikey.

- "Kids, you should go to bed"- Ray announced and put on his shoes- "We've got a big day tomorrow, and you should all rest, especially you, Bug. The dark rings under your eyes will not be covered with makeup, and we will be on tv tomorrow."

- "I'll sleep, I promise"- she whispered and nodded.

- "Are you going to be ok with these two?"- Frank asked after kissing the top of her head.

- "These two are leaving soon, so I'll be ok"- she made a pause and held Frank's hand- "Thank you, Jersey."

- "There is nothing to thank, Iceland. You are my friend, and I'll protect you no matter what."

- "Yeah... what you did yesterday when you yelled at... at him"- Joey couldn't even really say his name- "Well... thank you-" he smiled and winked.

- "Anytime"

- "I love you, dad,"- the girl said as Ray walked over. She wrapped her arms around him and felt him kiss her forehead.

- "Please, try to sleep."

- "I will ... and thank you for watching chick flicks with me."

- "Anytime you want."

- "Really? You won't get sick of the clichés?"- she smiled and wrinkled her nose.

- "No, maybe next time I'll pick a couple when we are on the bus."

- "Dad, it's a date."

- "Sleep tight."

Joey nodded and watched her friends walking out. Mikey kept his eyes on the tv as he ate a bag of M&Ms. Gerard was sitting at the other side of the bed, drawing in silence. The girl sighed and watched tv for a while, but her mind was somewhere else.

- "You should take a bath,"- Gerard whispered suddenly- "If you are going to try to sleep, maybe a hot shower can help you."

- "I thought I smelled so bad you were gonna force me"- Joey answered, not even looking at him.

- "Joey, I've lived with you for a lot of months so far, and I've been locked with you after playing shows covered in sweat"- Gee made a pause and smiled- "You've never smelled bad"- she rolled her eyes, but a slight smile appeared on her lips.

- "You've never been close enough to smell me."

- "She is right, she gets nasty"- and Mikey got smacked by a pillow after those words.

- "Fine, I'll shower..."- but before moving an inch, the girl looked at her friend and asked- "Can you give me my phone back?"

- "Tomorrow."

- "I want to call my parents"- Mikey took his phone from his pocket and gave it to her.

- "Use mine"- she huffed and dialed.

Gerard watched her walk around the room, speaking half in Spanish, half in English with her mother, and then half in Icelandic, half in English with her dad. It was a funny scene to see; he had never seen it. He had never seen a lot of her habits, and yet he had fallen in love with her. Why? How?

- "Dude, I'm talking to you"- Mikey said and threw him an empty bag of candy.

- "Sorry, what?"

- "Can you stay with her for a while? I have to go to my room and take the biggest dump on earth"- Gerard frowned, disgusted, and nodded.

- "Using the bathroom would have been enough, dude."

- "No, it wouldn't, you need to know the disgusting details of my organism..."- Mikey started gathering his things, and Joey frowned as she watched him.

- "Where are you going?"

- "To take a shit"

- "Please don't use my bathroom. You are gross. It's like there's a corpse coming out of you every time"- Joey simply says, and Gerard burst out laughing.

- "Best description ever!"

- "Here's your phone, bróðir."

- "Thank you, Bug"- he grabbed it, put on his shoes, his backpack, and hugged his friend tight- "I love you."

- "I know. I love you too."

- "I'll leave you with Gerard. Are you gonna be ok?"

- "I'll be fine,"- his older brother answered and never took his eyes from the paper, scared of looking at Joey under the circumstances. He was finally going to be alone with her. What was going to happen?

- "I was talking to her, dumbass"- Gerard flipped the bird to Mikey as Joey stayed hugged to his younger brother. He wished she could hug him like that one day. That night maybe...

- "You are the best brother on earth"- she whispered- "Now please go to your room and sleep."

- "Eat some chocolates, take a bath and fall asleep, ok?"- Joey nodded, and Mikey left the room.

Suddenly she realized it was just her and Gerard. For the first time in weeks. But her mind didn't have room to think about anything else but the pain she was feeling. She missed Matthew so much; watching Lethal Weapon was the best idea at the moment.

Gerard kept drawing in silence, and Joey watched the movie until it was over. She ate a few more Snickers and went through the pages of one of the mandala coloring books Gerard had given her.

- "Are you going to take that bath?"- he asked her. But she didn't answer. She had spaced out, staring at her hands in front of her- "Joey? Are you ok?"

- "Yes,"- she murmured and took a deep breath- "Yeah, I'm gonna shower."

- "Do you need me to run the shower for you?"- the singer asked, standing up, but the girl excused herself, moved out of the bed quickly, grabbed a clean pajama from her bag, and locked herself in the room.

Gee looked around and sighed. He knew she wasn't ok at all, so he cleaned the room a little, threw all of the empty bags of chocolates into the paper bin, called room service to take their dinner dishes away, and made the bed.

- "Hey babe"- he whispered as Lynz picked up the phone- "How are you?"

- "Good baby, you?"

- "So fucking tired"- he might have exaggerated that a little bit- "We had an eternal day today, doing a lot of press for the festival tomorrow."

- "My sweet baby, are you in the hotel?"

- "Yeah, already in bed "In Joey's bed, asshole."

- "And how's everybody?"

- "We are all exhausted. It's been forever since we've been home."

- "I know, honey, I miss you so."

- "I miss you more, baby."

Joey sat under the hot water of the shower, crying her eyes out. She held those tears for so long that day. She needed to get them out of her system when no one could see or hear her. Under the shower was good, with water running down her whole aching body.

She felt so much pain inside it seemed to be endless. She was never going to overcome it. Joey knew it. She actually thought she could die of sorrow. And her friends had been so nice to her. She felt she had to be better, so they were calmer. She didn't want to make them sick worry about her.

- "You to put out a show from the next day and start acting like you are getting over this whole deal"- she whispered to herself and whipped off her tears- "They deserve better than a broken drummer. You have to be professional, you are here to work, and you have to fucking do your best work."

But still, she looked at the ring that was still on her finger, and the tears came back. She didn't want to take it off. She wanted to hold onto the memory of the days she was happy. But it was so hard. She had been broken-hearted before, but not like that. It had never been like this. It felt like the end of her world, and she was sure she was never going to recover from it. She wouldn't be the same woman that she was before. She just didn't know how much of the old Joey was going to survive.

- "Joey, are you ok in there?"- Gerard asked from the other side of the door- "You've been in the shower for a long while."

- "Yeah, I'm coming out in a minute,"- she answered and cleared her throat- "You can go to your room if you want to, I'm ok."

- "I'm not leaving until you are tucked and asleep into that bed, Joey."

Gerard sighed and closed his eyes. He had brought this to her. She deserved him to be nice to her. Nice, he could do nice. He just had to turn his dick off, and everything was going to be ok.

Easier said than done, clearly.

Joey walked out of the shower in her pajamas, hair already dried, and night cream on her face, 'cos she had done nothing for herself in the whole day, and a part of her needed to feel a little human again.

- "You didn't have to stay,"- the girl said as soon as she saw Gerard sitting on her bed, his back resting on the headboard.

- "I didn't want to leave"- he simply answered and tapped the bed beside him- "Come here... "- she sighed and thought a few months ago she would have been shaking as jelly under those circumstances. Now it seemed Joey couldn't even think of Gerard in any way that wasn't a friend.

She crawled into the bed and looked at what he was doing. He had been working on a sketch for a long while now.

- "What are you doing?"

- "Not much, just trying to ease my mind, I think"- he answered and showed Joey his drawings- "I've been working on characters for the stories I wanna write, so I keep making sketches of random thoughts and ideas I've got for them"- Gerard opened another folder and showed Joey some more of his work- "These I've developed for a long while, but I still don't feel they are ready."

- "How do you know they are ready?"- he hesitated for a second before answering.

- "I guess they never really are. You are constantly changing little things about them with time."

- "Like songs?"

- "Yeah"- the girl looked at the drawings in silence for a few minutes. Gerard looked at her as she stared at each sheet with detention. He analyzed her eyes, her lips, and her cheeks. She was still very pale, black rings under her eyes. But yet, for him, she was gorgeous. He was dying to hold her.

- "They are pretty cool,"- she said and handed them back.

- "Hey, did you ever finish the song you were writing the other day?"

- "The other day, you mean five months ago?"- he nodded, thinking it felt it was just a few weeks ago- "Yeah, I did."

- "Can I hear it?"

- "Sure, one day you'll hear it, not today, dude. Today, I don't want anything"- he nodded and watched her sighing.

- "Another movie?"- and she nodded- "Do you wanna pick it?"

- "No... I don't care what's on the screen as long as I don't think"- Gerard grabbed the remote control as Joey kept playing with the ring on her finger- "Are you going to..."

- "I'm not talking about it,"- she answered right away.

- "Sorry..."- he muted and surfed through the pay-per-view options until he picked up "The Goonies." Joey didn't say a word. That was one of Matthew's favorite movies. But she wanted to watch it. She wanted to feel he was close. She was so mad and so in love that she didn't know what to do.

Gerard put all his art supplies in his bag and cuddled next to Joey. He did it just like Frank had done the night before: like it wasn't a big deal at all. He wrapped an arm around her neck and moved closer. She didn't do anything against that. Instead, she rested her head on his chest and sighed. Gerard felt triumphant. She was in his arms, finally. But Joey had cuddled for one reason only: it was the best position to hide the tears that started falling slowly as the movie began. She remembered clearly the first time Matthew "forced her" to watch "The Goonies." It was a Saturday. It was raining outside. They spent the whole day in bed, watching movies, making love, eating chocolate chip hotcakes, and s'mores. It was the perfect day. Now it was just a hurtful memory.

Meanwhile, back in Los Angeles, Gubler could feel the anger coming from Paget's eyes as he came clean and told her the whole story. They were at his house drinking beer and talking. Mostly Matthew was doing all the talking, while his best friend decided which was the best moment to hit him.

- "You are fucked"- Paget simply said as he kept talking. He stopped and frowned. But nothing came from his mouth- "I can't believe you did that! You are disgusting, Matthew!!"

Paget lost it for a second. She never, in all the years she had known her best friend, ever thought he could do such a thing.

- "I know"

- "I just... why did you do it?"

- "I was drunk!"

- "That's not an excuse!! You've been drunk before! And your cock hadn't ended up in your ex-girlfriend's mouth, so be honest with me and tell me what the fuck happened?"

- "I don't know! When I noticed it wasn't Joey, I stopped it all!"

- "You thought your girlfriend was sucking your cock?"

- "Yes!"

- "And why did you make out with those girls at the dancefloor?! Everybody saw you!"

- "I lost it for a second, 'cos I was scared Joey might cheat!"- Matthew murmured and looked at the floor, so ashamed of his own words.

- "And you did it 'cos you were scared she would?!"- Paget yelled and smacked his head- "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

- "I don't know!"- the boy rubbed his hands against his face feeling the anger filling his whole body- "Don't you think I regret it?! I hate myself! I was stupid!"

- "Yes! You were fucking stupid! Do you know what it takes to get someone to love you the way she does?! Do you know how hard it is to find someone as weird as you?!"

- "I know it's hard! I know it's fucking impossible, and I know I fucked it up! But I need you to help me fix this!"

- "You could start by going to see her and beg for forgiveness!"

- "That's what I want to do, but mom said I have to give her a few days to calm down."

- "She is right, and you have to calm down too."

- "She said I sound like a mad man."

- "Madder than usual, yes"- Paget nodded, still serious- "And where is she now?"

- "Spain, she has a huge festival show tomorrow, it's gonna be televised..."

- "So you get to see her live?"- he nodded- "And after that?"

- "Germany, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, she is only staying one day at those places, she is traveling by bus, so she is going to be stuck with the band all the time. And those guys hate me."

- "Right now, I hate you too."

- "Please stop hating me and help me find a way to get to her 'cos I know they are not gonna let me."

- "They have nothing to do with this whole situation! What are you talking about?"

- "Well, they've always been very protective of her, which used to bother me a lot, until I realized they loved her like a little sister, and she is happy with that 'cos she doesn't have many friends."- Matthew was talking very fast, as the words kept coming nonstop- "Eventually, we got closer, especially with Mikey. He is like her older brother on the road, and he is so fucking nice to her for a moment, I thought he was in love with her. But it turns out he loves her as a sister, which made me happy 'cos it meant she wasn't alone in that tour."

- "To the point, Matthew."- Paget sighed, annoyed.

- "Yeah, sorry. What happened was I called her after our fight, and Frank picked up the phone and told me he is going to kill me if he ever sees me again, and threaten me to beat the shit out of me if I ever try to get near her."

- "What at asshole!"

- "I know!"

- "You completely deserved that!"

- "Paget!!"

- "You would do that for me if someone breaks my heart, so deal with it"- Gubler nodded and for a second, then chuckled.

- "A few months ago, Joey told me the same thing..."- he sighed and stayed in silence- "I miss her so much it hurts."

- "I know"

- "I need to get her back..."- his friend didn't say a word, just rubbed his arm gently and cut him a short smile.

Paget couldn't promise him he was going to get her back 'cos she knew how much it hurt being cheated on, and she had never forgiven a guy for that. And by everything Matthew had told her about Joey so far, she knew she wasn't going to do that either. But she couldn't tell him to give up either. She knew he wasn't going to.

Joey sighed. The movie was over, and she was starting to feel tired. She was afraid to sleep though, she knew she would dream with Matthew Gray, and it hurt to even think about it.

- "Ready to get some rest?"- Gerard whispered. She didn't move- "I know you are awake."

- "Are you a psychic?"- she whispered, and he just smiled.

- "I can see your reflex on the screen"- he caressed her hair softly- "Do you need anything?"

- "No... thanks."

- "Do you want me to stay over tonight?"- Gerard simply asked, making sure it sounded like no big deal, though he could hyperventilate if she ever said yes- "I wouldn't mind."

- "I think I could use some time on my own"- Joey answered and moved on the bed, sitting next to him

- "I get it..."

- "Thank you, though. Thank you for taking care of me today and for bringing me so many things."

- "Hey, don't thank me for it. I'm glad I could make you smile even a little bit"- Gerard murmured and tuck some hair behind Joey's ear softly- "I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be so happy."

She didn't move, mostly 'cos she had spaced out thinking about Matthew again. She didn't seem to have room in her head for any other thought but him.

Gerard saw this as a chance to move a little further. He kept his hand in her hair and moved it slowly down to the backside of her neck. The girl chilled and looked into his eyes. That look, it wasn't a friendly one, and she just noticed it.

- "Joey, you deserve so much better than what he did to you, and if it were for me, I would give you everything, my whole life."

- "Thank you, Gerard"- she whispered and smiled- "You are a good friend."

- "I wasn't saying that as a friend."

Way smiled and moved closer to her, his nose touching hers. She didn't move. She didn't know what to do, actually. She had always thought he was incredibly hot, but she never wanted to cheat on Matthew. But now, that didn't matter anymore.

Gerard moved a few centimeters closer, and his lips touched Joey's. Electricity ran down his back as he kissed her slowly, just to make sure she wasn't going to move away. She didn't. And slowly, she kissed him back.

His hands cupped her face carefully as Gerard increased the kiss, slipping his tongue between her lips. They tasted like chocolate, and they felt warm against his. It was blissful. It was like all the months he had to wait to feel that kiss had been completely worthy. That was the best kiss he had ever given, and his heart was rising so much, he thought it was going to escape from his chest.

Joey wasn't thinking. She wasn't at all. She just went along with the kiss 'cos it felt nice. And it also felt like payback. Like if by kissing Gerard, she was getting sweet revenge for what Matthew had done to her.

Gerard increased the kiss a little more, biting her lower lip and moving her closer to him. He wrapped an arm tight around her and kept a hand playing from her cheek to her neck slowly. Joey was enjoying this, Way was a pretty good kisser, and it was honestly a kiss she had thought about a million times. But it felt empty, like the kind of kiss you give to a random guy when you are drunk at a party. And this wasn't a random guy. This was her colleague, her married colleague.

- "Stop"- she whispered and broke the kiss.

- "What is it?"- she landed her hands on Gerard's chest and pushed him away softly.

- "This is wrong."

- "Why?"- Joey frowned as he held her hands and looked confused.

- "Well, apart from the obvious"- she said and pointed at his wedding right- "I'm at the lowest point of my life, and we work together. I can't afford to lose my job right now, so kissing one of my colleagues seems like a pretty shitty idea to me."

- "Not to me."

- "Gerard... that's your cock talking,"- Joey stood up and looked at him.

- "I've longed to kiss you for a long while"- he confessed following her and standing right in front of her- "And I've got the feeling so did you."

- "That's not the point. This it's wrong."

- "But it felt good, and you know it."

Gerard leaned to her, held her face, and pressed his lips against her, this time in a passionate kiss that made Joey feel weak on her knees. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around his neck and felt his hands on her waist, moving her closer. So close that she could feel his erection, rubbing against her body.

- "You should go"- Joey whispered, gasping for air as she moved from his lips.

- "But I wanna stay"- she shook her head immediately.

- "You have to go, Gerard."

- "But, Sugar"- he murmured and rubbed his lips against her. She let him go slowly and looked at him, shaking her head again- "Ok..."- he grabbed his jacket and his shoes and landed a soft kiss on Joey's cheek- "Good night, sugar."

- "Bye, Gerard."

The singer walked out of that room and sighed. That had been the best kiss of his life. But Joey was right; it had been a mistake. However, it was a mistake he wanted to make ever since he first saw her. Still, he had just cheated on his wife. But that was a thought he needed to ignore at the moment. He had kissed the girl he loved. And he was in heaven.

Joey was in hell. She hated herself so much she wanted to die. She brushed her teeth over and over again, tears falling from her eyes. Her head hurt after so many days of crying. She had kissed another guy. And though Matthew had done the same to her, she still felt guilty and dirty. She was so sorry for what she had done; she knew it had been a terrible mistake. She didn't even want to face Gerard after that.

He was so eager for her, he had been holding that kiss for a long time, and he simply confessed it, like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. It meant Matthew had been right all along; Gerard had a thing on her, something that had ended up being a hot kiss. A very hot kiss. And if she hadn't stopped him, it was clear where Gerard wanted to go.

- "He had a boner for Christ Sakes!"- the girl argued, walking back to bed- "A fucking boner!"- she got under the covers, wrapping her arms around her legs, biting her lips so hard she nearly drawn blood.

Kissing someone else while still in love with Matthew didn't feel right. She didn't want to do it again. No matter how hot Gerard was. She missed her boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. How was she ever going to get over him? She knew it was impossible. You don't love someone that much and successfully take him from your heart.

It was a good thing that Mikey had her phone, 'cos she felt the urge to call Matthew at the moment. That would have been stupid, and she knew it. But still, it physically hurt to miss him so much. She needed to talk to him. But Mikey had her phone... he didn't have her computer, though.

She looked for it in her backpack and started it on right away.

- "What the fuck are you doing?"- she asked herself out loud as she stared at the screen- "You can't talk to him... you are going to cave in."

Joey brushed her hands against her face and closed the computer. But after a few minutes, she poured herself a glass of whiskey and opened it again. She had decided to check her mail, and maybe Twitter, nothing related to her boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend.

But her inbox was filled with emails from Matthew. At least twenty. Her stomach tightened as soon as she saw them. She took a sip of whiskey and opened the first one. It was sent the night before, probably after Frank had yelled at him and turned off her phone.

"I'm so sorry Yami, I know I was stupid and drunk, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life. But I need you to know you are the only woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I love you so much it hurts to think of a day without even hearing your voice."

Joey was already crying. This wasn't healthy. Why was she doing it? She needed to sleep. She needed to get her mind from Matthew. But the memory of Gerard's kisses was right there hunting her too. She poured herself another whiskey and walked around the room. Maybe she could drink herself to sleep. But, she had a huge gig the next day, and she had to be professional.

- "Fuck! I wanna die..."- she sobbed and opened the next mail.

"I know you don't want to talk to me, and I get it. I just need you to understand how much I love you and that I'm willing to do anything to fix this, anything you want, everything you ask; I'll do it, but please, please don't leave me."

- "I have to stop this..."- she took another sip of her whiskey and whipped off her tears. She walked to the phone and talked to the front desk.

- "Hello, sorry to bother you, but can you please connect me with room 1201? Thank you"- the girl waited in line for what felt like ages until she heard Mikey's half-asleep.

- "Joey, are you ok?"

- "No, I'm not ok. Can you come and sleep with me, please?"

- "I'll be right there"- Joey stayed still, eyes glued on the screen, reading over and over again the last mail she had opened.

Mikey didn't even knock. He still had her key, so he just walked into the room in boxers and shirt, shoeless and with his hair made a huge mess. Mikey didn't say a word either; he just took the computer away from her and closed it, grabbed the glass, drank what was left of her whiskey, and got Joey under the covers of the bed. She was shaking and crying quietly.

- "You are gonna be ok Bug, I swear, please try to get some sleep"- he said and held her tight, spooning her- "I'm right here, I'm going to take care of you, ok?"- she nodded and sighed- "Now close your eyes and sleep, I've got you, ok? I've got you."

Joey sniffed and sobbed a little, feeling how her brother's arms tightened around her.

- "Thank you, Mikey."

- "You did the same for me. I owe you my life at this point. I'm never going to leave you."

Back in Los Angeles, Matthew was drunk, calling and calling Joey without any result. Her phone was off, her voicemail was full. So he continued writing emails. At least he could put his heart out in a way, though he had no idea if she was ever going to read them.

Paget, next to him, tried to stop him. But it was useless. The boy wanted to write and ignored everything else.

- "Matthew, Matthew"- she said and shook her arm- "Buy the fucking plane ticket to see her!"

- "Yes!!"- he kind of shouted and took a paper from his pocket- "This is Yami's tour schedule... the movie ends in two days, I can go take a plane straight from the set... so I have to go to Oslo if I wanna catch her."

- "Nice! Bring souvenirs"- his friend smiled, trying to cheer him up

- "Deal"- the boy grabbed his credit card and booked the first flight he found to Norway- "You know it is our anniversary next 17th, if everything goes right, we could actually celebrate our first year together."

- "Please, Matthew, and I need you to listen to me"- Paget said seriously and looked into her best friend's eyes, making sure he would understand her, though he was wasted- "Please, whatever you do, don't fuck it up! ok?"

- "Yes."

- "'Cos this is going to be the only chance you'll get to talk to her and fix everything. Trust me."

Gubler nodded with widened eyes. He was drunk, tired, and devastated, but still, he got how serious and honest Paget was with him. He knew he wasn't going to get many chances to get Joey back. And maybe that was going to be the only one.

**

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[aliciavikander]

thank you so much for answering my question! i really appreciate it!

now i have a follow-up question: should i use 2160p with a bit rate of: 14.9 Mb/s? or stick with 1080p with a bit rate of: 7,849 kb/s?

(you weren't kidding when you said "MediaInfo" was hidden 🔍)

oh, and since the movie just came out it's not available on BluRay yet. but technically a 1080p.BluRay would be the best one to download in the future, right?

yes, i'm using rarbg for a movie. should i be using a different website?👂🏻i'm always down to try new things.

p.s. you're a really good writer. very clear and concise :-)

-music anon

actual image of me right before i sat down to write the answer to this ask. ok let’s get into this!!!! really happy my first answer was helpful 💖 let’s see if i can do it again 🤔

2160p with a bit rate of: 14.9 Mb/s or 1080p with a bit rate of: 7,849 kb/s?

completely up to you, the choice is yours to make! from a technical point of view 4k (2160p) is always better, its bitrate is much higher (since 1Mb is 1024 kb!). from my point of view: i only use them if i want to gif a single scene and i want to make big gifs, or if the scene is really dark. e.g.: here's my druig set (not to self promote 😭💀) everything is giffed in 1080p except the sixth gif. can you REALLY tell the difference? i don't think so... i only needed the 4k here bc it was a really dark scene, so it wasn't too grainy when i made it brighter. but if you're using bigger gifs, the quality really is noticeably better, and you can actually see it! however, my computer is not the best when it comes to handling 4k (really slows down my gifmaking process from screencapping to loading in the caps into ps etc.) so i usually stick with the standard 1080p like 95% of the time. if your computer is better though (and have at least 8gb ram!) this shouldn't be a problem. at least i guess, but when i have a better pc hopefully in the next couple of years i can say for sure.

this is a really long answer idk how to close it jsagdkha maybe try out 4k, see how your pc can handle it and stick with it if goes well! but i think it requires different kind of sharpening technique bc whenever i used 4k video it never looked that sharp? or idk not sure about this, since i don't use them that often.

verdict: 2160p is always better but usually much slower (if you don’t have a good pc)

(we could also sit here all day and talk about how they use different codecs (x264 for 1080p and x265 for 2160p) but i feel like that would just confuse you at this point (since some 1080p videos also have x265 codecs lmao) and this information is not THAT important tbh. but if you want to, we can absolutely have that conversation next time you’re here!)

is 1080p.BluRay the best?

well yes, but actually no. BluRay.REMUX is the best. remux simply means that it’s untouched and lossless media file, without any compression. i don’t usually bother with this cause they can be really big files (up to 100gb and worse lmao) and i don’t have all day waiting for it to download. blurays are honestly perfectly good and fine as they are, no need for a remux. also, not every media has a remux! and you have to wait for someone to even upload it for a very long time! so yeah, bluray is your best bet! BUT and i can’t stress this enough, be aware that warez groups (they are the ones who do the nice work for you and upload torrents) sometimes compress their bluray files. like for example i just searched up ghostbuster afterlife and there are at least eight different 1080p bluray files there, some is only 2gb but others are 40gb. again, if the file seems too small don’t even look at it, it’s probably compressed to hell. e.g.: ghostbusters afterlife comparison here:

1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG - size: 1.93 GB - bitrate: 2 001 kb/s

1080p.BluRay.x264 - 12.53 GB - bitrate: 9 594 kb/s

1080p.BluRay.REMUX - size: 35.14 GB - bitrate: 26.9 Mb/s

that is a HUGE difference!! the bigger the file the better the bitrate! so, yeah, look out for size and bitrate, both are important, even if it says bluray in the title, don’t just download it right off the bat.

so the hierarchy of files in short: - bluray remux - bluray (sometimes also called BDrip) - web-dl - web-rip - HDrip (pls never use this)

is rarbg good?

yes! (except its search engine* which is literally drunk all the time 🥴) it’s one of the best torrent sites out there tbh with you. especially if you want something that just came out. seeds are usually good so downloads are fast. i can also recommend torrentgalaxy or 1337x. however, if you’re searching for something older rarbg is not the best since older files aren’t seeded well. i use rutracker if i want something a little bit older. now, this is a russian site and i can explain how to use it if you want to (bc you need to have an account there if you want to use it, and the site is in russian, obviously) but i don’t want to go into this rn cause this is a whole another deal, and this answer is so long already 💀

*pro tip for using rarbg search, if you don’t already know this: instead of just typing in the name of the movie/show into the search bar (which can bring out totally unrelated things), first search it up on imdb, and then in the url copy the part that starts with “tt” and looks something like this “tt0361748″ (this is inglorious basterds, btw), and now copy this into the search bar of rarbg. you’re going to get much more accurate results!

[representshinjuku]

Matenrou Picture Drama

I translated the picture drama from volume four of the rhyme anima blurays but twitter broke just as I was trying to post it so congratulations tumblr, you get it first.

A preview was originally posted on the aniplex yt channel, but as that’s now region-locked, you can view the back half of this picture drama reuploaded on nnd here.

[Contains Spoilers for all of Rhyme Anima under the cut!!!]

Hifumi: Ha… We can finally take a break, Sensei!!

Jakurai: We can. This has certainly been quite tiring. To think we’d have to continue battling right after the Championship… 

Hifumi: ‘S right! We fought Secret Aliens, got chased around underground, then had to fight Secret Aliens again, then fought as four Divisions! How many times today did we have to fight anyway? That’s way too much!

Jakurai: You must be tired too, Doppo-kun. ...Doppo-kun?

Doppo: Ah, I’m sorry. I was just lost in thought…

Hifumi: Heheh, you feelin’ down again, Doppo-chin?

Doppo: No, it’s just, shouldn’t I have been able to do more for you two? (spiraling) But if you ask me what could I have even done in that situation, my answer is ‘nothing’... After we won I thought I could be of use, but I’m nothing but a water flea so I was getting ahead of myself and all that motivation of mine just scattered and I realized that I’m useless, even though I should have known that from the start and so all I can do is be embarrassed of myself for forgetting… Ah…. I’m just…

Jakurai: Despite winning, Doppo-kun is as humble as ever. How intriguing. 

Hifumi: Nah, Sensei, the problem’s not that he’s humble. Anyway. We, Matenrou, won, so let’s just be happy about it!

Doppo: Happy?

Jakurai: Yes. Let’s leave our personal reflections aside and celebrate our victory together. 

Doppo: T-That’s right. I truly am happy that I was able to win with you two. 

Hifumi: Arright! Doppo-chin, back in action! Everybody hold up your glass and… 

Jakurai: Ready… Cheers.

Hifumi and Doppo: Cheers!

Doppo: This drink tastes good! 

Jakurai: It goes down unusually smoothly, very easy to drink.

Hifumi: ‘Cuz we’ve been rapping all this time. I used honey, which is good for your throat and made an energy drink! Sensei, do you like it? 

Jakurai: Very much. I’ll have to ask for the recipe. 

Hifumi: No prob! All that experimenting was worth it. 

Doppo: That’s the good thing about you. You usually never take anything seriously.

Hifumi: Hey, Doppo-chin. You don’t think I take things seriously? 

Doppo: Cut it out, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. It’s amazing how much you change just by putting on your jacket. 

Jakurai: It is. I’m always interested in the way you transform. 

Hifumi: My jacket? This?

Doppo: Yeah yeah, that one! If I put that on, will my personality change too?

Hifumi: Huh, I wonder. You wanna try it on?

Doppo: Eh? Can I? 

Hifumi: Sure! ‘S no big deal! 

Jakurai: Oh? Doppo-kun is going to wear Hifumi-kun’s jacket? How intriguing. 

Doppo: So, here we go… 

(Doppo tries on the jacket)

Jakurai and Hifumi: *noises*

Doppo: How do I look?

Jakurai: I… might just be unused to seeing you like this, but…

Hifumi: Doppo-chin… That looks so bad!!

Doppo: Don’t just say it straight! 

Jakurai: (laughing) It doesn’t suit you.... (composing himself) Or rather, this is the first time you’ve worn this jacket, so… (resumes laughing)

Doppo: Even Sensei says so!? But, I’ve never worn something this flashy before. I’m a little nervous. 

Jakurai: That must be why. You’re holding yourself prouder than usual. This could be a good way to avoid hunching over. 

Hifumi: Right, right! You look good when you stick out your chest and act all confident! Real cool! 

Doppo: It’s true my personality didn’t change at all, but… I feel better. You really can change your attitude just by wearing a jacket. Thanks, Hifumi. 

Hifumi: Since we’ve got the chance, you wanna try too, Sensei? 

Doppo: Hey, Hifumi! Don’t be rude, that’s--

Jakurai: I think I’ll give it a try. 

Doppo: You’ll do it!?

Hifumi: Here ya go!

Jakurai: Then, let me just…

(Jakurai tries on the jacket and begins to glow with holy light)

Hifumi: That’s Sensei for ya!

Doppo: I think I need to pray.

Jakurai: I understand what Doppo-kun meant. I feel a bit kinder than usual.

Doppo: Is it even possible for you to become any kinder, Sensei?

Hifumi: If you work at my club, you’d be popular, no doubt! 

Jakurai: Haha! It’s an intriguing thought, but I don’t have the confidence for that. Hifumi-kun, thank you. I’d like you to wear it last. 

Doppo: Yeah. I want to see the difference between you and us. 

Hifumi: Huh? You see it all the time. Just wait a sec… 

Hifumi: My apologies for the wait, kittens.

Doppo: A dramatic transformation, as always. He’s on a totally different level. 

Jakurai: Yes. Truly intriguing. 

Hifumi: Now, let us drink the night away! Doppo-kun, another round of drinks, please. 

Doppo: R-Right! Understood!

Hifumi: Now, Sensei. Let us return to celebrating our, Matenrou’s, victory. 

Doppo: I brought another round of energy drinks! 

Jakurai: Thank you. And that’s right. Luck did play a part in our victory, but there’s no disputing the fact we overcame tough enemies. Let’s consider our plan for the future, too. 

Hifumi: You’re right, Sensei. 

Jakurai: Then, once more--

Everyone: Cheers! 

Hifumi: Here, here--

Doppo: So tasty…

Jakurai: It is quite tasty, but… do you have any alcohol?

Doppo: Uh, Sensei, alcohol’s kinda…

Hifumi: We have none!

[kittifersgarden]

Healing

Pairing: Todoroki Enji x F Reader

Word Count: 4082

Warnings: PURE FLUFF, talk of redemption and Endeavor’s mistakes, there’s a slight panic attack from him too.

A/N: Some comfort for divorced!Enji. I wanted some smoot but it just stayed on an awkward courting which I’m okay with. Maybe a part 2? For now it’s just hurt/comfort pretty much. Fanart in banner was made for me but tried to make it as non-specific as I could.

Focusing on the warmth radiating from the pot in your hands helped calm your nervously racing thoughts as you made the trek from your car to the door of the large traditional style Japanese house before you. Even though you had a pretty solid scapegoat if things went south, you couldn’t help the thundering pulse in your ears deafening you from the birds chirping around you. 

It was actually a much larger bird that had “pushed” you to be there in the first place…

“Ready for some morning tea? Endeavor-San got kicked out of his own building after his sidekicks threatened to all walk out!”

The coffee mug headed to your lips stopped abruptly in shock from Hawks’ oddly playfully made statement. “W-what?!”

“Yeah, he has a hell of a cold but kept trying to deny it and they weren’t having that.”

Rolling your eyes, thinking something far more sinister had happened instead of… wait. “Enji’s sick?” 

“Yeah. It’s a shame too. Fuyumi-San lives so far away now and has her work and all so he’s at home... all alone.” He dragged out the last part rather dramatically with a heavy sigh. “Probably unable to even cook for himself…”

“Hawks.” You groaned softly, placing the mug down next to the phone on the counter where the overgrown bird’s voice came from. 

“Whaaaaat? I’m just keeping you up on the news.” You could basically hear the grin on his lips as his voice turned to pure saccharine to play up the false innocence.

Mumbling out a curse, you looked down at the phone with a heated glare. “If he’s mad, I’m blaming you!”

And while Hawks had laughed and said he’d take the blame, you couldn’t deny what really urged you on was the thought of Japan’s Number One Hero sick and alone. 

Todoroki Enji frequently visited your family’s restaurant for quite some time, telling your father that he enjoyed the traditional food and the quiet atmosphere that the other customers respected. After your parents retired and you had taken over, Enji’s visits didn’t decrease and often complimented you on how well you handled the reigns. 

Over the past six months things started to change between the two of you and you definitely noticed. It started when he came in right before closing and bought the most expensive sake there. After a few drinks he admitted to you that he just purchased his family a new home and they would all be moving into it except for him. He had told you he hoped it was for their own good and the sad smile that accompanied that statement made your chest hurt.

More nights like that came where he stayed drinking and talking as you quietly listened. He told you about the divorce he gave Rei, how obtaining his lifelong dream was nothing like he expected it, and how he felt like his whole life was spent in a haze that he was jerked violently out of. It was all heartbreaking really for all parties involved, though it really sounded that they were all on a road to healing. A long and no doubt hard road but it was still a good start nonetheless. 

It was around that time that Hawks started visiting your restaurant when Enji’s office told the winged hero where he could find their boss. The two of you struck up a quick and easy friendship after that and once again you noticed a change in Enji. For some reason though, no matter how very attractive the blonde was, you found yourself mentally cursing him when he interrupted the peaceful moments you and Enji shared on a now daily basis. Maybe it was because you didn’t like how observant the birdman or how he was quick to mention how good you seemed to be for Enji during this difficult time in his life. 

Which all lead to Hawks calling to give you the news on Enji’s condition right away. He knew you’d take the bait and take it you sure did. 

Exhaling slowly, you reached the door and shuffled the bag hanging from your wrist to hit the doorbell with your elbow. While it wasn’t public knowledge where the Number One Hero lived, there were a few times you had to call a cab for him after he drank just a bit too much and he easily gave up his home address. You hoped he wouldn’t be angry that you used the knowledge to show up now. 

“Coming!”

The deep growl from behind the door caused your heart to crash into your ribs like a bowling ball would strike pins. You shouldn’t have been so nervous; you knew him! He insisted you called him just “Enji” instead of “Todoroki-San” or “Endeavor”! Even though you knew this was an entirely different setting with him than what you were used to, you didn’t realize it would be this much.

All thoughts were gone when the door opened before you and your breath caught in your throat. 

Oh hell. 

There stood Todoroki Enji wearing a thin dark blue robe, his usually spiked hair was half down and pieces stuck to his lightly sweat sheened forehead. His usually bright turquoise eyes lacked that fierce light though they opened in surprise as he looked down at you. 

Muttering your name in a bemused and dreamy tone which sent a shiver right down your spine, he cleared his throat with a brief cough smothered into his arm. “What are you doing here?”

“I, um… okayu.” So lost taking in the sight before you, your own breathless words escaped without meaning to before you were able to snap yourself or of it. “I mean, I heard you were sick and brought okayu.” Holding up the pot with a smile, you still felt your nerves on edge as he continued to stare at you in shock. “E… Enji?”

Endeavor, meanwhile, was trying to wake up from this too real fever dream. He had been dozing on the couch while watching the afternoon news when he heard the doorbell, but he never would have expected to see you standing there! Your words slowly sank in and he placed a hand on the side of his face. This was really happening?

“‘m sorry. I, uh… but you shouldn’t be here.” The hurt look that crossed your features had him quick to continue. “N-no, I mean that I’m sick and you really shouldn’t be around.”

Visible relief has your shoulders relaxing as you scoffed gently. “Oh please, I’m not worried about that.” 

A quiet laugh easily fell from his lips. “No, you wouldn’t. Well if you’re sure, come on in.” 

Moving from the doorway to let you pass, Enji still couldn’t fully fathom what was happening. This beautiful woman he saw on a pretty regular basis was at his home with a pot of rice porridge. He only saw you in the restaurant wearing a kimono and your hair done up to keep up with the traditional setting the restaurant had. Seeing you in a pair of shorts and light shirt fitting for the hot summer day with your hair in what he assumed was your more comfortable style was shocking to him as well. 

Leading you to the kitchen, he kept glancing over at you as he still tried to process everything. “How did you find out?”

“A large bird told me.” Your lightly laughed reply was met with a deep groan from him. Of course Hawks found out. “I think Burnin’ told him.” You thoughtfully added while placing the pot on top of the kitchen counter. “Those two do seem pretty close.”

“Oh god.” Enji sighed deeply. “I wouldn’t even want to know.” The rustling of the bag that had hung from your wrist and ended on the counter caught his attention. “What’s that?”

“Oh um… I wasn’t sure what you had so…” you smiled down at the bag before pulling items out. “Tissues, some medicine… I wasn’t sure what exactly was wrong so I just picked up a general one. Some of those cooling head strips and throat spray. Oh! And some kuzumochi.” 

Your gaze stayed on the items in the bag as you spoke, though his never left you. How long had it been since anyone besides Fuyumi had taken care of him? Not even his own mother…

“You didn’t-.” He started but stopped as his hand went to run through his lifeless hair. “This is…” What could he even say?

You decided to take pity on him and pushed down the lingering nervousness you felt. “Have you eaten today?” The very uncharacteristic look of guilt he made when his head bowed and eyes shifted was far more suited for a puppy dog. “Well you shouldn’t take medicine on an empty stomach so why don’t you get comfortable and I’ll set everything up for you?”

“Y-yeah….” This time his reply came out weak because he was stunned at your change. Not just that but what you brought… it was all so thoughtful. “I set up in the living room to watch the news. I’ll be in there.” 

The smile and nod you gave him set him in motion though it started to feel like he was trudging through mud. His idea of “set up” was just bringing out a pillow and light sheet to the oversized couch. The half empty box of tissues he found had been dangerously dwindling already and the medicine he found had expired a month ago; all of it adding up to put him into a depressed state rather quickly. Having you show up was definitely a breath of fresh air. Still something in him wickedly teased that this all might still be a fever dream...

“I brought some movies too. You told me you didn’t have any streaming services but remember you mentioning a BluRay player.” Your voice trailed in from the kitchen as he settled back into the little nest he made. “Damn, actually I left those in the car.”  The clanking of dishes and the closing of cabinets as you acquainted yourself with the kitchen was indelibly soothing to him as he nestled into the couch. 

Please don’t wake up from this fever dream…

“Enji?” A cold hand fell into his head and jolted him from the sleep he started to slip into. Seeing the very worried look on your face made him frown. “You’re burning up!”

“I always am, angel.” His deep voice tumbled out with a chuckle and he wasn’t quite sure why your face turned about as red as he was sure his was. “Don’t worry. That’s just what happens to us fire users.” He groaned when he sat up, seeing the tray you made him sitting on the table. 

“O-oh…” 

Your voice was shaken like it had been when you first arrived and he was about to ask what was wrong before he felt a burning pressure build up behind his eyes. Cursing softly, he quickly grabbed up the remaining tissues to catch two violently monstrous sneezes. 

“Damn.” The playful laugh that left you made him chuckle before saving his breath to blow his nose. 

“Ugh. Exactly.” Sniffing hard, he threw the tissues into the small garbage can he moved by the couch for such use. “Sorry about your ears.”

He felt the couch shift next to him as you sat with the tray in hand. “Nah. After fifteen years of knowing you, I’m pretty used to them. Here.”

Handing him a bowl of the okayu, he smiled when he noticed the ginger honey topping. He ordered this dish from your restaurant a few times but since the last time was so long so the fact you remembered... “Thank you.” Sitting up better, he took a hold of the spoon in a large hand as the smile stayed on his lips. “Fifteen years, huh? I remember the first time I found the place was by complete accident.” He paused to take a bite of the porridge, humming approval in his throat. “Really good.”

While you were still quite shocked at what he had called you, you thanked him quietly before listening as he began to reminisce. 

“The billboard charts were announced that day so I was mad at the world. Heh. Like always. Shoutou was just a newborn and things were getting really tense here so I didn’t want to come home just yet.” He paused to take another bite, chewing thoughtfully a moment before swallowing. “That’s when a girl no more than a teenager came running down the street and nearly right into me. She stopped to apologize before rushing off to an older couple behind me telling them the man left his wallet in the restaurant.”

Your eyes widened as you listened, gripping harder onto the cup of cold water you grabbed off the tray for him. 

“It was just such a nice little scene that brought me out of the dark thoughts that were plaguing me so I asked the girl when she headed back where she worked.” He stopped to let out a rumbling laugh. “It was strange that she didn’t even seem to recognize me though I was already pretty popular by then. Normally I’d be irritated by such a dumb thing, as I was at everything back then, but at that moment I actually liked not being Endeavor and followed her to this incredible building. It was so peaceful and I just felt calm for the first time in… I can’t even remember how long.” 

When he paused to take another bite, you placed a hand on his hot arm to grab his attention, silently offering him the water. He thanked you and took a long sip before placing it on the table. 

“This seemingly hidden little oasis which brought a stillness to me was owned by a quirkless couple and employed their quirkless daughter. I still think that’s the reason I felt so calm, it was just all so… pure.”

When he passed for another bite, you tried to gulp down air as the surge of emotions rushed through you. With a thundering pulse, you started down at your hands resting in your lap and let his deep voice rumble through you. 

“Fifteen years. If I knew then what I know now…” sadness pulled down his features which were oddly cheerful when recalling the memory, making your hand move back to rest back on his thick arm. 

“Isn’t fifteen years better than never?” You asked gently, giving him a smile when his eyes finally landed back on you. 

He returned your smile with his own. “You were always too wise beyond your years.” That made you laugh softly, and still he nodded. “You’re right, of course. But all that damage I caused during that time…”

“Uh, Enji.” Clearing your throat, you thought he was being a little too open now. “You can take the medicine now.” Grateful to have a distraction and hopefully something to knock him out, you started to reach for the tray but a large heated hand grabbed your arm to stop you. It wasn’t a rough action, actually he handled you like a piece of fine china, it was only enough to bring your attention back to him. 

His fever flushed face searched yours a moment before taking a slow breath. “I’ve done terrible things, angel. Bringing Rei into a quirk marriage and having children only to create a legacy stronger than All Might. I never thought about their feelings or even my own besides the fact that I just had to pass the Number One.”

“Enji-“

“When I did pass him, I felt so empty and I wondered why. Why did I push my kids away and force Shouto so hard with intense training at such a young age? Why did I let such a thing consume my entire life?”

“Enji!”

“I’m a monster, angel! I’ve hurt so many people and I have no idea how to fix it, not for myself but for them. Removing myself from their lives was a good start but I don’t know what to do now. And I like you. Oh god, I really do. I don’t think I actually enjoy talking to anyone other than you. And I think maybe I can be happy because that idiot bird tells me he thinks we’d be good together but I don’t deserve that happiness. I’ve caused so much pain that I’d need lifetimes to fix it before I deserve to be happy! But what if that just hurts you?! I can’t-!”

“Enji. Stop.”

As he went on the more he got worked up, his breath becoming chopped and panicked, his flushed face gleaming more as sweat slid down his cheeks. 

No. That was tears. 

“Look at me. You’re not a monster. A monster never realizes what they do is wrong. A monster will blame everyone for their mistakes and you’ve never done either.” You moved a hand to the side of his strong jaw, keeping your breathing level as he started to match it. “Of course you deserve to be happy. I’m sure you don’t feel like it now but think about it; what good will it do for you or your family to move on while you just torture yourself?”

When Enji started to shake his head, you weren’t expecting the painful sob that suddenly escaped him, his hands resting on your arms pulling you in as he buried his head into your collar. Beyond shocked at his actions, you could only pet a hand through his red strands while he cried it out. You were sure he never let himself mourn for the loss of his family or even for the monster that he once was. You thought that might have been the reason he drank so heavily some nights, trying to use the alcohol to break the wall his pride had put up. 

After a few minutes of holding him and petting down his hair, his breath started to even out and his grip that moved to your back began to loosen. 

“Thank you.”

His normally deep voice sounded like it had been dragged over gravel when it came out, rattling your whole body with each symbol. Instead of diving into any of the new information that he let out, you helped move him so he could sit back up. 

“Of course.”

Enji was quietly docile after the little meltdown, finishing his food as you tried to put one of the cool gel strips on his head. His fever was worrying even with his second attempt to reassure you that it was part of having his quirk. It was only when the gel strips started to literally melt to his skin did he chuckle softly and give in. 

“Maybe it is worse than I thought.”

“Hmm… you should get into a cold bath.” you suggested softly while trying to get melted gel out of his hair. 

“Shame. I would prefer a sponge bath instead.”

“Wh-?!” Shifting back slightly with wide eyes and a fresh blush, he chuckled deeply which only made you  grow more concerned. “Okay, you need to get better since you’re really freaking me out now.” 

The flame hero let out a soft laugh. “Well, even though I actually said it, I can assure you I would be thinking it when I’m well.” His blazing turquoise eyes meet yours and you felt your breath catch. He was serious. 

“Well, since I owe you the truth back… I definitely wouldn’t mind giving you one.” Your eyes shifted to his insanely built body as your lips pulled up into a smirk. When you looked back at his face, it was rather satisfying to see his own blush spread across his face as his Adam’s apple bobbed slowly. “However… you really need a proper cool down, not to heat up more.” Your finger ran down his strong nose which twitched in response. 

“H-hey…” sniffling and rubbing the reddened tip, he started to stand but stopped. “Uh, maybe you could start it? I need a minute here.” He cleared his throat loudly as you got the hint, a giggle bubbling in your throat. 

Biting your lip, you only patted his shoulder with a nod before heading to the bathroom. Being away from his stifling heat would also help clear up your own increasingly foggy mind and you certainly could use a breather.

Watching the water fill the tub, thoughts swirling through your mind like the water you watched both intensely and not at all. Everything he told you about his family, about how he saw himself… You still had no idea what happened exactly but you were sure that when he was better he would finally explain everything. 

Still, you stood by your convictions; he owned up to his mistakes and were starting to try and fix them. Who was to say he didn’t deserve finding his own happiness as well? Not that you’d be the one to tell him that Hawks learned from Natsuo that Rei had already been seeing someone rather seriously for the past few months. They all deserve happiness and to put the dark past behind them where it belonged. 

A fierce sneeze that echoed down the hallway jolted you from your thoughts abruptly. First things first! Heading back to the living room, you laughed when a second sounded and you caught Enji folded in half with his face pressed into a bouquet of tissues. 

“You alright?” Your hand carded through his hair to pull his attention back to you. 

“I think the medicine is starting to work.” At the incredulous look on your face, he chuckled deeply and shook his head. “Sure it doesn’t sound like it…”

“You pronounced medicine ‘bedicid’.” 

“Alright, I concede.” With a deep groan he stood up from the couch and started down to the bathroom. Pausing to rest a large hand on the wall and turn back to you, a gentle smile graced his flushed face. “Thank you, angel. I mean it, I was in a pretty dark place before you came and… I truly appreciate everything.”

“It’s my pleasure, Enji.” 

He seemed to laugh quietly, the mild disbelief mixing with the lit of happiness clearly before he resumed his trek to the bath. 

The rest of the day was rather domestic as you cleaned his dishes and put away the leftovers. Straightening up the living room, you retrieved the movies and put them out for him to pick. Enji had emerged from the bath looking much better and feeling… well not as hot as before and he was rewarded by agreeing to use your lap as a pillow. It had only taken five minutes of hair petting that loud snores started to fill the house. Oddly, they didn’t bother you as you only continued playing with the scarlet strands with one hand while browsing your phone with the other. 

The text from Hawks that came in made you pause the “match three” game you messed around with. 

“Well you didn’t call to yell at me so I can only assume you’re still there. Don’t worry about your place, I told your employees that you were doing work for me so you got the next three days off to take care of the big guy. And hey, I know it’s just moving out of that really weird time for him and even though you’re closer to my age than his, I still think you’d be really good for each other. Damn! Have you ever seen a text this long?! I’ll let you get back to it~ let me know if you want me to drop off anything!”

“Damn bird.” You quietly laughed as you looked down at the sleeping face of Enji. He looked so peaceful when his powerful features were softened by the deep sleep he was in. “Thanks Hawks.” 

“Mmmm.” Enji seemed to agree as his head rubbed on your thighs, his large arm that wrapped around your knees pulling in to nestle closer to you. 

You had no idea where the future would lead, but you couldn’t help the hopeful thought that the two of you officially started a trek down what would surely be a very rocky road. A road that, while rocky, would smooth out and yield to a beautiful and scenic scene. It was all part of life, after all. And you really wouldn’t mind sharing both the ups and downs with Enji at your side.