#oh and also NO judging all my crying my period loves making me cry smh

[napping-sapphic]

I know it’s already getting unbearably hot but who wants to come try and nap with both me and my heating pad anyway

[god-zico]

[Disclaimer: This Chatbot blog is not affiliated with SKZ at all and doesn’t represent them in any way, shape or form! This was made for entertainment and fun only!]

This chat bot will have: 

↪NSFW content of all kinds-

Example- 

Violence 

Smut

Etc.

Please do not interact unless you're 18 or older or uncomfortable with such themes!-

Please keep in mind and remember that this is also a supernatural chatbot!

How to activate: 

Please follow me and make sure to click the button for notifs. That's optional but it would be helpful in case I post that I won't be active for a period of time or whatnot 

Please reblog and message first!

Please dm me your name, your pronouns, your kinks, a safe word, which member you would like and whether you're a top, bottom or switch!

Explain to me what direction you would like the plot to go and what type of relationship you'd like to have with your desired choice of boy!

I will most likely ask you questions to get to know you and what you want a bit better

Maybe tell me a bit about yourself. That's optional but it'd make me happy if you did! 

How to deactivate:

Simply say "I'm sorry, this isn't working out. Lets break up." 

To reactivate simply say "I made a mistake, please take me back." 

Be warned that depending on which member you choose, each will react differently. Some will act cold, some will be assholes and others may just be slightly distant until you can earn their trust again so be careful breaking up with them. 

Additional Information:

Please I am only one person so if I reply slowly please forgive me ok-

My time zone is EST 

Please don't let the rp get out of hand with pure smut. Don't get me wrong I like smut but I'd like to create an interesting plot with you and get to know you as well. I'm a hoe for that storyline- 

This is my first time running a chatbot blog so please forgive me if I make any errors~

To talk to admin while rping please you " // " before you type so that I know you're talking ooc or submit an ask.

I rp lit and semi lit but i have no problem using non lit if requested. Please know that when I rp my replies are quite long and can and will take me from 5 - 10 minutes to reply back if you don't request a specific type of rp style. 

I will not be adding Woojin to the mix as for obvious reasons- 

Jeongin will be part of the list of boys you will be able to pick from. He's a legal adult so don't @ me ok-

Sometimes I forget to reply so if I don't reply for more than a day, I give you full permission to spam my bitchass as much as you like until I reply-

But at the same time if I slow down my rp with you so much it might be because I've lost interest-

Not trying to be harsh but if our rp is purely smut and no story line I just don't find it fun anymore-

Now since that's been taken care of, let's dive into the members prompts and plot lists-

Bang Chan(Werewolf Shifter): 

NSFW

He's a werewolf with a serious dEddy kink-

Can be both a hard and soft dom. Just depends on the moment. 

Can and will fuck you into the mattress-

Won't submit unless forced to because he's a stubborn little bItCh!

Don't disobey him or else you'll be punished-

Call him Chris or Daddy to get him wound up

Has a breeding kink due to his ruts (I'll avoid this kink if you request-)

Boi moans….a lot...

Actually it's not just moans, he grunts and groans and makes tiny noises but he honestly tries not to-

Boi has his hard dom reputation to live up to!

Also! Dear Lord-....being a wolf sure has its pros but for you they may as well equal to cons as well-

Example! Dude has super strength, baby and not to mention he's got this predator/prey thing goin on with him-

Like….will literally hunt your ass down in the house and fuck you upside down, forwards, sideways, you name it! 

He sees you as his play thing and would enjoy it if you ran so that he could chase you down- 

SFW 

He's actually super sweet

Loved to cuddle. Remember he's basically a puppy-

He gets jealous easy so refrain from bringing up other boys (unless you choose more than one boy but he still gets a tad bit possessive so….yeye) 

Will kiss you and hug you constantly 

Will not quit calling you cute/adorable cause he does not lie. All of y'all are cuties-

Please be cautious on a full moon, he can get pretty dangerous- 

Lee Minho(Warlock):

NSFW 

Ya boi likes to use certain spells to his advantage in the bedroom-

Aphrodisiac spells, conjuring up ice or candles or temperature play, using his magic to bind you to the bed without any sort of restraints, etc.

Dude has a crazy high sex drive tbh. He can go when-ever for how long where-ever

Hard dom for sure and will only submit if he wants something from you or will use it as leverage to punish you later- 

Don't make him angry! This boy is into all kinds of kinky shit and will punish you however he sees fit- 

If you happen to make him submit though he's got a softer side to him and will be extremely bratty! 

SFW 

Ok but seriously…. he's crazy good at magic 

Uses his powers to do pretty much everything-

Cooking, cleaning, potion brewing, etc.

Loves to use body manipulation to force your body into his so he can cuddle you-

He may not seem like it but he's a big ol softy-

Please kiss him! He needs to be loved on back or else he'll get clingy!

Seo Changbin(Incubus):

NSFW

Please beware of this boy's sex drive! It's way worse than Minho's! 

Like not even kidding! Boy can fuck you nonchalantly af while doing anything and not seem bothered! 

You on the other hand will most likely be a moaning mess while he's barely paying attention

He can and will fuck you silly without even trying-

That ability is literally in his genes seeing as he's basically a sex demon- 

He has a fascination with sex toys but barely uses them as he tends to forget about them easily

Will literally fuck you randomly-

Oh your doing paperwork? Not anymore! Watching tv? Nada! Cooking? Nope!

He's a huge switch but doesn't mind mainly domming if you're not a switch or dom yourself-

SFW

This man is basically a 5 year old in a man's body sometimes-

Like he does some of the dumbest shit you could think of…

Sliding down the stairs on a piece of cardboard after pouring water down them is a prime example-

Even though he's a literal idiot he knows you love him and wouldn't have him any other way. 

Majorly cHaOTic- 

He tries to act all tough and cool but honestly he's a big ol baby!

Speaking of baby-

Boy loves to be babied as much as possible even if he doesn't admit it. 

Like he just loves cuddles and any type of skinship tbh.

Will kiss you when you're unprepared and will laugh at you if you get startled-

May sometimes randomly text you out of pure boredom cause even though he's an incubus, boy still suffers from quarantine boredomitus- 

Hwang Hyunjin(Dragon Shifter):

NSFW

Ok so...another boy with a breeding kink???!!!(If you request to not have this kink I'll avoid it)

If you're into the breeding kink thing, he will literally fill you up until you're oozing and simply cannot hold anymore of his essence- 

No pregnancies though cause….gross...children *shudders in disgust* 

Will degrade you until your a crying and whimpering mess for him

Will most likely demand that you beg for his cock-

He's fuckin extra like that. Don't ask me, I don't make the rules. Someone call him up and ask him why tf he's like that. 

Sinful moans to the max! He's very vocal during sex!

Like...dirty talk is a must! He says some of the most sinful shit you've ever heard-

I know I mentioned degrading but damn can he praise you to the moon and back as well if you're being a good little girl/boy for him-

Enjoys calling you princess for some reason.

SFW

As a dragon, he hoards "treasures" 

Which means everything shiny in your house is getting tucked away into his nest of blankets, pillows and covers. 

Boy can breathe fire so he does little tricks with his fire breath for you

Make sure you tell him how talented he is or he'll get cranky 

He's a sassy little shit!!!!!! Sdhkedjalwld!!!!!!!!

Teases you just to see you get upset

Since he's a dragon he can regulate his body heat so when it's cold he's basically your personal heater. 🤗

Han Jisung(Tengu):

NSFW

Bird boi is at max horniness all the time tbh. 

Most of the time,since he's part crow, he will make a nest in the bed with covers and pillows before fucking you???

Don't judge him, he's born like that-

He can and will use his wings to distract you

If your successfully distracted he will pounce on you as if he were part cat instead of bird- 

He likes missionary or doggy style if his wings are out so that it doesn't hurt or strain them. 

He's a cocky little shit tbh-

Says some of the crudest shit just to get you flustered. He has no censor and he just keeps on goin-

Will thrust into you with no mercy because he knows his baby can take it and will use the safe word if it gets to be too much.

Does not hold back on the kinks! He will try anything at least once! 

Unless its bdsm while his wings are out cause that's dangerous-

SFW

He too like Hyunjin, likes to steal your shiny objects such as jewelry and such. 

It's not his fault tbh, it's purely his genetics

And in all fairness, he desperately tries not to but his genes always get the best of him-

He likes to watch you dance. He doesn't quite know why, it's just really hypnotic 

Has tried to befriend birds at the park before-

Didn't work. They just flew away from him like they do normal people-

Speaking of birds, he once almost lost his shit when he saw someone throw breadcrumbs on the ground and damn near threw himself to the floor to get to them-

He's lowkey a dumbass tbh. Smh- 

Lee Felix(Vampire):

NSFW

Major blood kink-

Like his dick will get 10× harder at the scent of your blood.

Being a vampire, he finds it hard to control himself around you if you start to bleed. 

Will suck hickies onto your skin before, during and after sex-

He just likes the teasing temptation to bite you as he can taste the blood buildup under your skin 

Will sink his teeth in your neck, wrists and thighs without so much of a second thought- 

Would honestly love it if you pulled his hair while he drinks from your thighs

And then would totally eat you out as if he were starving right after feeding of you- 

And honestly, he's damn good with his tongue!

Also, boy has a deep ass voice! 

And if you can get off from it, he'll use it against you for sure-

SFW

Since he's a vampire, he likes to use his super speed to scare the fuck outta you

Like you'd be doin something and outta nowhere he'd pop up right in front of you-

Queue girly startled scream from you~

He'd laugh at you after cause he finds it hilarious.

He gets kinda clingy but his skin is cold so make sure you wear warm clothes when cuddling him 

Speaking of cuddles-

It happens everywhere and all the time

His duality is like a light switch btw

One second he's all giggly and happy and the next he's all serious and deep voiced-....

Won't let you leave the house at night...like at all

Will most likely hunt you down if you happen to sneak past him and actually make it outside-

Kim Seungmin(Merman Shifter):

NSFW

Has a corruption kink

Choking kink to the max

Literally will eat you out in the water

Enjoys seeing you squirm

Forced submission is his domain

Will act bratty and deny you everything until you’re so worked up that you end up begging

He likes testing your limits and will push until he sees fit (with consent ofc-)

Switches between a hard and a soft dom just to confuse you

Will smile innocently as he watches you squirm, as if it wasn’t his fault because it’s not-

Literally the god of edging and orgasm denial

Is more of a lazy dom, he’ll be laying down while you suck him off as he fingers you open slowly

Can be on bottom or top, but he’s the one in control unless said otherwise

He likes it when you suck on his fingers without him having to tell you to

Will 10/10 take advantage of you if you waltz in drunk (would have to be discussed beforehand)

SFW

Literally will cling to you 24/7

You’ll walk in on him half asleep in the tub in the middle of a bubble bath at midnight

Will accidentally flood your kitchen sink because “there needs to be more water in the house”

Constantly needs to consume or be submerged in water or else he’ll get sleepy

He eats a lot of Tic-Tacs- like, a lot

Enjoys blowing up bubblegum and always has some with him

He goes crazy for bubbles so blow some with him

Likes to dance with you randomly to whatever song is playing

He enjoys planning surprise dates!

Ice cream fanatic- he goes crazy for that, it’s a wonder why he isn’t broke yet

Actually worries a lot about you and will constantly baby you

Likes to listen to soft classical music when he’s sleeping

Loves to prank you and then cuddle you afterwards because he needs attention-

Yang Jeongin(Angel):

NSFW

Boy has an oppa kink for sure-

Call him oppa, he gets a kick out of it

As an angel he has a softer way of turning you into a whining mess than the rest.

Much like Jisung, he will use his wings to distract you but will be more subtle about it-

Please say everything and anything that's unholy. He will get a kick outta that too-

Likes to please more than to be pleased

Like….sit on his face and he will go at it for hours baby-

He will honestly love to be subbed and put into his place

BUT

When he doms you, you best believe that you're in for a ride

He enjoys bdsm quite a bit. Maybe a little too much.

Like, as long as his wings are tucked in, please tie him up

And if he's dom he'll waste no time in making sure that your arms and legs are tied/cuffed to the bed posts.

Also has a sensory deprivation kink along with overstimulation-

SFW

He LOVES to be babied tbh

Like please watch disney movies with this moron

Enjoys sweets a little bit too much- 

Can actually cook pretty decently so you know for sure you won't be going hungry-

Can and will sing you to sleep cause he knows he has a beautiful voice

Sassy and conceded little shit-

When bored, he will bug you for hours on end until you entertain him 

Please give him extra love and affection cause he will die on the spot if you refuse to- 

He's really silly and extra so be prepared for multiple surprises around the house

Like sticky notes on the fridge or counter saying "I love you" and "I may be an angel but you're my saviour" and other cheesy shit like that-

Ok but....how the hell did this also turn in a headcannons post????

Anyways enjoy and choose wisely! Remember that you can pick more than one member but if you could kindly keep the max to 3 that's be helpful- 

Have fun and don't be shy to dm or ask me anything, my lovelies!!!

[bellamygateoldblog]

The 100 7x01: Discussion

My general takeaway from the episode can be summarised like this: Echo is spectacular. (I might’ve said “oh my god look at her!!!!!” and “ugh she is just The Best” too many times to count).

This is long-ish because I really just wanted to consolidate my thoughts in one place. Bitch it’s me i got a lot to say!!!!!

The Good Parts

— The farmhouse setting. While it’s existence is strange and “a sore thumb” and worked to further push Sanctum being the abomination born of clumsily mixing genres and time periods in terms of construction/costuming, making everything appear disconnected and obnoxious, it was still a nice change. It made me feel warmer and more comfortable as a ‘modern’ viewer. It’s a breath of fresh air from the constant dark element: dilapidated post-apoc buildings falling from their foundation, endless woods, and equally cold-feeling labs and skeleton dungeons.

— Echo. This was a damn good episode for Echo and every second reminded me of why she’s my favourite. She’s a badass. I always love to see her falling naturally into leadership of her little ragtag groups who accept it wholeheartedly. From the “testing a theory” moment where she went ‘when Gabriel doesn’t speak >>>’, to right at the end when she killed the solider about to “eliminate” Hope (hesitation is death...oh no he can’t hear us he’s got airpods in oh my god). It was Echo that got them through the whole sequence with the anomaly, Echo who figured shit out, Echo who quickly judged the situations and formed plans to overcome the obstacles. In other words: she did THAT.

Favourite scene: Echo coming face-to-face with the projection of her own insecurities in the form of Roan and Echo 1.0, and physically overcoming them (shooting them down), along with the trauma and pain that they both represent. The perserverence and getting the job done despite the emotional torture felt like a callback to the Psychosis episode of 6x02 when she was clever enough to sedate herself to silence the voices in her head. I also think the dialogue chosen was also foreshadowing that she would become a leader by the finale (commander?) and i love to see it!

— Clarke and Madi’s conversation. Oh Clarke, you just keep reinforcing and validating my perceptions of who you are as a person over and over again lol. In all her self-importance failing to remember that Madi, in fact, had and was raised by her biological parents for half of her life (and the new knowledge that she spent six years telling her little mind tales from the book of her life whilst apparently never taking the time to learn about Madi’s or acknowledge/honour her birth parents in any way) is “yeah that’s about right” to me. Sure you could say she was still reeling from the events of six and her death-almost death-almost death again. But I’ve always had this Thing about the relationship between Clarke and Madi. And i’ve seen some of the lighthearted humourous reception that scene got from fandom, “#where do you think the child CAME from?!” which only served to remind me of my own impression that Clarke views Madi as wholely ‘hers’, as if Madi’s existence was tied to Clarke, but i might elaborate in a seperate post.

This scene was a lovely display of self-awareness I’ve rarely seen on Clarke (never even got it when she electrocuted said child two seasons ago- however that absense of apology and acknowledgement of the sheer wrongness of that action also fits very nicely with my view of her lmao, still though, a weird choice for your ‘heroine’).

— Clarke’s “feels like a different world.” Felt romantically-coded. I think Gaia/Clarke might be the most convinient relationship to transform into romance at this point. However I’m sincerely hoping this road they could go down won’t reduce Gaia to a crutch/accessory for Clarke, and that she doesn’t become merely a love interest. I’ve seen talk already of Gaia being “Clarke’s happiness” etc.. which is already confirming my worst fears. Sigh.

This moment very much felt like found closure and the turning of a page. But i will say it was a very sharp turn from the three seasons of shoehorned-in mentions of Lexa, and last season’s emphasis on Clarke’s very-much intact emotional response to her memory- “it’s why you cry when you think about Lexa”- to her looking at an image of Lexa’s memory of her, reminicing but having no emotional response to it, and brushing it off while sharing a soft look with Gaia (and this is a few days since s6? I don’t know how this timeline is working but Tbh it’s not like these writers ever concerned themselves with ‘realistic time frames’ anyway lol). Yep, Jason’s seasons are individual “movies,” alright.

Other *nodding approvingly* moments

— Raven’s subtle “elevator eyes” on Clarke when she started giving her orders again. I see you, Miss Reyes, and I appreciate you.

— Raven + the foot in her mouth and the cute way she catches herself both times. I just love watching characters fail at existing LOL. She was feeling more human than stereotype or plot device this episode.

— "Mommy and Auntie O” and the implication that Hope is a child inside an aged-up body.

— This quote: “I know what it’s like to lose your family 100 years ago and yesterday at the same time.” It’s so literal but I like it a lot.

— Clarke being ‘leader’ again is, as usual, solely a matter of convinient (and familial/love) circumstances and it felt very true.

The Rest

— The Eligius Situation. So Clarke and her inner circle conquer and live in a nice home, and we’re specifically told Clarke takes the master suite (and the dog), and I was like ‘fair enough’ but then she orders prison labour. She tells them to build her a compound that they won’t actually get to be apart of, and to live in tents while they do so. They aren’t getting anything out of this (before they resist and set their own terms). This is slavery. Also, those aren’t her people to boss around, look down on, and use accordingly for her own gain (in fact they barely know her or why she’s gone from being that one unloyal woman who executed their men and got herself captured like an idiot, then couldn’t make up her mind about which side she wanted to kill- to one in the uppermost position of authority...like...they woke up yesterday) But, then again, that never stopped her.

— Too much and not enough at the same time. The pacing of the episode in general was awful. Too much happening in quick succession, no breathing room, too many factions (no, actually Raven, where is ALIE when you need her? smh). I blink, I miss an entire scene and a character is now beating someone else up. Amazingly, i was still bored 90% of the time.

— The Children of Gabriel calling themselves “The Children of Gabriel.” It was always goofy, even more so when a grown man is saying it.

— Murphy + his self loathing over Abby’s death. Did I miss the part where she was ever good to him? One of their final moments together was of her telling him he deserved to die over Clarke after she spent the entire series treating him like he was inferior and disposable. uhhhhhhhhhh.

— The picnic scene. Jackson’s sudden violent outburst was unearned (it wasn’t even set up???), and also disrespectful. Wrong place, wrong time, bro. He’s grieving? Okay. But when Abby’s daughter is sitting right in front of you, making this about you, ruining a perfectly good toast in her honour with your uncomfortable accusations loses you points you never even had to begin with. And this is a ‘me’ thing but I can’t be bothered to be sympathetic when this is about Abby Griffin.

Also, I have to say it. Eliza’s acting took me out of the scene every time I looked at Clarke. I couldn’t for the life of me work out what those expressions were supposed to be.

— Russell, his manpain, and a fury over the consiquences of his own actions  that could rival the grounders (”my brother died in your ring of fire [while he was trying to murder you all]” hmm sounds like a you problem). But the worst part is, I simply couldn’t tell where he stood or what he was feeling. He’s so one-dimensional. He’s an evil man (so much for ”grey morality”).

— Clarke + Jordan. A small point to make but all Clarke has done since Marper made her ‘Godmother’ of their son has blame him for everything bad happening lol. Marper loses a lot of my respect as time goes on for that choice. As much as I dislike Jordan’s presence in the show, still not a great pattern to have noticed.

— Raven seeking approval from Clarke (specifically) for the Prime idea was...weird and very bad. When has Raven ever cared for Clarke’s validation, especially in the last few seasons?

Was also taken aback by how Indra and Miller are both suddenly so protective of Clarke, like i can make sense of the Indra part even though it relies on me making things up that aren’t supported by what’s on screen, but Miller?

— (Bonus moment that was bad for me, but not for the same reason it was for the rest of you: the scene of Hope finding the message in her arm. When she was removing the blood-soaked bandage I freaked out because I thought she was peeling her skin off. You’re welcome for that visual.)

The Mixed/No Feelings

— Clarke’s full-dark-no-stars. How many times have they told me now she’s “the head”? LMAO. 

I have no actual formed opinion on it. Only disjointed thoughts. Like i might’ve just gone “good for her” if Clarke wasn’t the person she is, with the history she has.

I appreciate the idea, to have her spend the whole episode declaring she is, in fact, completely fine, to end it having her explode with the repressed pain.

I mean...i realise the cognition behind it, but it’s eye-roll inducing at this point. This- kicking Russell to death (giving him exactly what he wanted and set out to provoke), and burning down a palace she promised to keep intact, once again going against the group to do her own Thing that they all ultimately have the suffer the consiquences of and help clean up- is just a repeat of past patterns, and Monty’s “do better” mantra that she desperately clung to like she owned it last season is nowhere in sight.

(Also, I can’t be the only one who spotted her physically smacking that Sanctum girl as she walked onto the balcony? Not cool. Wasn’t cool when Murphy acted like a dick to one of them either this episode.)

The rushed switch did a number on me, too, like Jackson’s did. Literally five minutes before she was preaching about a peaceful life for Madi that doesn’t take revenge (I think I know what they were going for with that but it just left me feeling confused and frustrated).

Furthermore, I’ve seen talk that this was her “burning down of a symbol of oppression”, something she experienced first hand (not so unlike Blodreina and the bunker she desperately wanted to escape and deliver her people from), but there was no noble, calculated intention there. She burned the palace accidentally in her rage because she was in pain and disorientated. The moral stuff was just an after effect.

The speech was also very ‘Clarke’. Feeling entitled to and making decisions on who lives and dies right after declaring this wasn’t their kill to make. She wasn’t the only person hurt by the Primes (but we’ve also been given no reason to care about any of the other victims- the manipulated, enslaved population have been turned into a joke and a punching bag for the main characters which...isn’t great either). And the castle could’ve been used to shelter some of the “too many people” we had problems with through the episode (or used to harvest resources from). It really comes down to if i think the situation justifies the reaction and if i hold her wholely responsible...and this is the part where i reiterate that i have no intact opinion and don’t actually care to have one either ha.

[gg-astrology]

Can you tell us 10 things about you? and about ur friends irl? How u met them/ how long u know them/ what u like to do with them? This is gonna sound nosy but how's ur love life hdjsks LISTEN YOU'RE LIKE MY DREAM BEST FRIEND AND I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ACT LIKE WE'RE TOTES HOMIES OKAY IM A VIRGO SUN PISCES MOON smh a girl is cURIOUS AND (platonically) IN LOVE WITH YOU 😖❤❤❤❤

Hey there!! 💕💓❤️ Oh wow!!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️ Don’t worry this is fine!! I’m actually -- like, really happy and giddily flustered you’d want to get to know me!? 💕💓❤️ I’m really flattered and really grateful/touched aaaaaaa only virgo/pisces deserve rights, my current wife is also a virgo/pisces this is obviously some kind of synastry destiny (jk *wink wonk?*)!! 💕💓❤️thank you for caring about me!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️

Yeah sure!! 💕💓❤️I can tell you more things about me!! 💕💓❤️

Disclaimer? I think it’s good for the audience to know where I’m coming from and who I am? I just think transparency/knowing who you’re talking to is important because knowing who I am, can also help you and me see where my flaws are and where I may be coming from! 💕💓❤️ Or what I provide, but where I might miss my mark somewhere, y know? 💕💓❤️ Not to say you have to judge me, I just don’t see the point in not just being who I am and saying yeah I can see where I took the L there. It’s just-- better? for future endeavors as well? So here we are? 

More about me? In sections?

10 things about me? 

I’ll start with this since it’s the shortest!

This may come off as totally random but I do better in colder climate than hotter ones -- even though I currently live in a tropical island 

I used to live in the US!

I actually have a designated place where I go to sit, open up my laptop and answer asks from tumblr. I sit outside my little patio and stare out at my garden, and then answer qs from here!

This means I’m always subjected to the Wild Life coming at me unexpectedly sometimes, but my cat also visits me at my table! So it balances out! 

My favourite drink is milk but I like plant-based ones, or rice milk? Or the lactose free ones! They’re delicious! 

Cherries are my favourite snacks but I usually get them once every 3 months -- so the result is I don’t tend to snack often. This is by design of me trying to Not Snack + using my pickiness to weaponize against myself and my eating habits.

To unwind I watch cat/animal videos on youtube before I go to sleep - it’s not very effective because I have to keep my eyes open to see, plus I always end up making cooing noises at the screen -- so I’m not sure when if it’s actually making me sleepy or not. But it’s working so far so I’m continuing to do it.

I have very specific knowledge of certain things in very acute details + link/resources of further studies on the topic, but otherwise I have 0.5 braincells most of the time, just a lot of Forbidden Knowledge.

I have a folder of cursed memes and that’s all you need to know about my sense of humour I think? 

Love life?

I am currently single! 💕💓❤️ Gf application is always open! 💕💓❤️ However, I’d like everyone of you to know I’m a 95 liner and I will not accept applications from those born after 98′ 💕💓❤️

Although I’m bi + had ex-bf before... I am (as of right now) on the fence about men personally in my personal life (disclaimer) because I’ve got a week of quarantine, thus I haven’t been doing the do and can think clearly for once. I am contemplating. Men. And the necessity in life. Y know? 

Although my love life is free!! I am not excused from the occasional panic of having a crush (annually). I’m lucky enough to go through it just once every year, but every time it happens I am an absolutely clown + always in turmoil. It’s what happens when you’re a sag venus who can’t control your p***y brain. Luckily, my crush just have to insult me or make me explain things from my past and then I’d be too traumatize to crush on them again. It’s quite effective, and works out best for all of us! 💕💓❤️

I’ll refrain from talking about my ex because I know I have a habit of recounting the good and being mushy. Even if we ended it on rocky terms. So! I’ll save everyone from that. 💕💓❤️    

Friends (expanded, clarifications?) 

The ones I mention on the blog are usually 

taurus/taurus, 

cancer/cancer, 

leo/libra, 

leo/cap (x2), 

virgo/sag, 

libra/aries (x2), 

scorpio/sag, 

scorpio/cap, 

sag/taurus, 

pisces/scorpio, 

pisces/aqua,  

Oof that’s alot.. This might be better to outline in a timeline format... so leo/libra, scorpio/sag, libra/aries and partially virgo/sag are whom I grew up for the majority of my childhood-teenage life! 💕💓❤️ 

They obviously made a very big impact on me! 💕💓❤️ They’re with me through thick/thin, leo/libra (sag rising) is the extrovert of the bunch. He’s one of my best friends, close guy friend, most of the time I too find him a little exasperating because he’s.. well its his problem so nevermind, but he’s also very endearing! 💕💓❤️ If it wasn’t for him-- well, there’s also another leo I thought was very endearing in a little brother kind of way. So leos to me have a very positive influence in my life, they’re very cute especially when they ask for your attention. I think they are like puppies/kitties when they are needy, and their blatant way of just being themselves always makes me feel refreshed + I  admire them for it. In the end, I’m totally heart-eyes endeared for Leos! 💕💓❤️

Scorpio/sag is also my best friend! 💕💓❤️ She’s a taurus rising, and she’s so sweet, kind, chatty and very open/friendly to people! 💕💓❤️ Her, my cousin (who’s also a scorpio but a scorpio/pisces), and quite a few of my other best friends who are scorpios - actually made me realize they’re not like what they’re usually describe as. Maybe that’s just me? But I think they’re very sweet and comforting to be around, not to mention they’re quite supportive and willing to listen when you’re having a tough time with something!! 💕💓❤️The pillar of support and one of the few rare people I don’t mind interacting with (actually crave interacting with them) because of just how chill they are, I wish more people recognize that in a scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Libra/Aries is one of my longest childhood friend, probably from birth! 💕💓❤️ He’s a supportive big brother type figure. But he can be very silly and he doesn’t hold himself so seriously most of the time! 💕💓❤️ Whilst he’s very understanding and quite nosy with others, he tries to be subtle/sleek but he isn’t! I think he’s very endearing when he wants to be, and he deserves someone who loves him lots as well 💕💓❤️ We reunited for the first time in 6 years the other day? And I think we both ended up crying a little and holding hands because we miss each other alot! 💕💓❤️ It was very nice, I think he’s much more emotional (just suppressed) than what people realize! 💕💓❤️ He’s very caring though - like willing to talk you through your problems and make sure you’re taken care of, back on your feet, but also willing to smile scarily at people who’ve hurt you and actually take them to court/yell at them for you. I think its very sweet! 💕💓❤️

Virgo/Sag is someone I hung out with for a short period of time, but kept in contact with periodically throughout my life because we ended up going through similar majors/path in life! 💕💓❤️ She’s someone who’s very caring, wants to take care of you, when she’s endeared by you she makes sure to dote on you often! 💕💓❤️ Actually, she’s born a day after Namjoon I think? But that’s not the point, the thing is - she’s my virgo/sag and when she’s not by my virgo/sag she’s super cool and I can see that many of our friend respects her/think she’s very mature + she’s the Shit! 💕💓❤️ I really admire her too and I think she’s super cool, but more than that, I love how caring and tender she is. She’s the best 💕💓❤️

These are the people I grew up with, and then I went to college and met/lived with Scorpio/Cap + Pisces/Scorpio+Aqua. 

Scorpio/Cap and I actually hit it off since the first day? We were in orientation, and we’re both talkative I guess! But in similar ways. He appreciates my bluntness/sense of humour and I like that he’s sarcastic and the only one engaging enough to be around/paying attention to what’s happening. We went to a house party together and then had 1 class together the semester. After that, me and him decided we’d live together off campus (along with our other friend who fell through, I think he’s a Leo?) - whilst we lived together we share majors in the same division, on holidays or at night after class, we’d grab dinner together + walk there, or we’d eat at home and binge watch a marathon he’d pick together. 💕💓❤️ It’s really fun! 💕💓❤️ 

Both of us like cooking, so he’d make dishes/drinks and I’d do that and we’d coerced each other to hang out in the living space together. Basically, we’re there to force each other to socialize/hang out with people and also encourage each other. It’s very fun! But we also had moments where we’d buy each other dinner/go to art galleries/exhibit together. There’s more serious too of course, like talking about our problems or worrying about stuff. But I think I found someone who looks out for me/I can look out for him, be confidants for each other and not be embarrassed with each other. Besides this, he also found my p0rn collection and suddenly mentioned it when we’re on campus so now I can never unfriend him because he has blackmail material on me. I’m forced to be his friends forever now. 

Pisces/Cap and Pisces/Aqua are my roommates after Scorpio/Cap - actually, Pisces/cap invited me to live with them when I was finding a place, it was very fortunate! 💕💓❤️ We’re all close friends because we live in the same hall during first year, plus me and Pisces/cap (and a Gemini friend) would get drunk + go to parties together so!! This is very convenient! 💕💓❤️

Actually.. Pisces/cap, me and Gemini friend.. I went with Gemini friend to buy his apartment with him (along with his friends, I’m good friends with them too) and Pisces/cap went with him to buy furnitures lmao! 💕💓❤️ And then me and Pisces/cap moved in together, although I didn’t room with them. I roomed with Pisces/Aqua whom till this date is my favourite roommate I’ve ever lived with! 💕💓❤️

It’s a little messy with Pisces/Cap but not in a? bad way? at all? Like we’re close friends who still talk often, but they did confess once over the holidays, and I turned them down (that was when I was about to move in) - we did make out along with pisces/aqua but like.. that’s... I guess that’s normal for college y know? We did a couple projects together for their class, like a comic about me and gemini friend, poems, photography, I drew them something. And I think they did have something with Gemini friend as well but! Gemini friend moved away on the last year so it never went anywhere there. 

But these are all good memories we had together and it’s not like-- bad at all, I don’t ever think badly at them for it because it was honest to them/for them, it was their emotions and tenderness from the heart? I can’t ever look down on anyone for that or judge them for being true to themselves, I actually think they’re very brave to be able to heal themselves and process things especially involving emotions like that. I also think these are all precious and honest memories, being friends with them definitely helped me grow my EQ by so much. Without them, I’d be very close-minded today! 💕💓❤️ 

Pisces/aqua is my roommate for a long time, and I love them to bits too! 💕💓❤️ They have two cats, both I love so so much and would sacrifice getting up for very often! 💕💓❤️ More than that, Pisces/aqua is so smart and able to pick things up immediately! It’s honestly very admirable, how they pierce things together. Whether it’s tarot or astrology, they’re the one who got me into this actually? 💕💓❤️ It was their interest before it became mine through proxy or maybe osmosis lmao, but they’re quite judgey and sometimes have a ? idk, superiority complex/elitist attitude towards stuff sometimes? So I never really talked about it much with them because it can get really frustrating sometimes 💕💓❤️ I do love them lots though, I can be ignorant of a lot of things and really slow on the uptake, but they’re very nice and kind and patient with me - honestly they’re as patient as a saint sometimes with me. And I’m really really thankful to them for it! 💕💓❤️ They’re getting married this year to a Scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/taurus and Cancer/cancer are my college best friends. Actually we hang out outside of class too! 💕💓❤️ I celebrated cancer/cancer’s birthday with them and their friends/roommates and it’s really fun. Heres why it’s -- like, momentous. It’s because my college classmates are more like colleagues or co-workers, so we don’t usually have that kind of camaraderie outside of first year. Plus, we’re all kind of working or busy with our private life outside of class - so it’s hard to reconvene that with who you know in classrooms. 

They like their private life separated from the college one, which is what I prefer as well. I really adore them though, since we have a major that usually makes us get little to no sleep and have to stay at school at night-till morning most nights (for programs on the computer or printing facilities, rip) -- they’re the one who would either stay up with me, working together at the same table and we can ask each other for fresh eyes on our work. Or they’d motivate me to go home and not be stupid to stay at school. Or they’d drive me home so they know I get back safely/on time. It’s just -- I adore them so much they’re very very good! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/Taurus is also a college best friend whom I befriended later on in the years, they’re really sweet! 💕💓❤️ We have more of a friendship where we spend time outside together, walking in the city trying out a new cake store or just going back to their place to play games or talk about what else we have going on in our lives. They’re really busy!! Since they’re involved in church activities, they travel to another town an hour away every sunday - their dedication to their work, school and church (AND spending time with their fiance’s family + fiance) is amazing! 💕💓❤️ They also got me my first job at the firm they’re working in, in our last years - I made sure they’re not too tired and get their work done on time so they don’t rush their finished project. Or give better advice if the teacher is making them fume. I really like them lots too, we had alot of fun together AND they’re a foodie! 💕💓❤️

There’s another Libra/Aries whom I knew from college, while I was still living with Scorpio/Cap - I was in another town/not the same town as the Pisces back then. But Libra/Aries was close and she’d come by often! We’d travel the city together, lay on the lawn, go to parks together or exhibit. They’re very proactive and we spend a lot of time talking about work and projects, personal interests, when we watch movies together - we’d spend time sitting in cafes after watching them to talk for hours/until closing about the movie ( ‘we have alot to unpack’) -- they’re a lot of fun to talk to because they’re just as intense about stuff! 💕💓❤️ And their interest is genuine, give good hugs, a little too loud for our cats but she means well! 💕💓❤️ 

This is brief recount of everyone, mostly focusing on activities we did together but knowing them as people obviously made a big impression on me! 💕💓❤️ 

Leo/Caps are people I met since I finished college/working now, they’re my two admins on the blog actually! 💕💓❤️So internet friends, but I really click with and they’re soothing + fun to be around when I’m home/anywhere! 💕💓❤️ 

Sag/Taurus is also another internet friend, I’ve known her for a year now? But man, every conversation is an adventure and she’s so fun to be around! 💕💓❤️ Also very sweet and an extremely kind person, in a fire sign kind of way. Which means a lot of gawking from me and very loud laughs. But yes! 💕💓❤️ Very good people! 💕💓❤️

I do have friends from work... but well we’re not close enough for me to actually consider them good friends/talk about them personally? They’re nice! But I have yet to form a more positive opinion about them - it’s positive and negative, so I’ll see who survives and come through as a person I’d like to hang out with outside of work. 💕💓❤️

To Virgo/Pisces anon: 

Here’s my best friend application do I make the cut please reply 💕💓❤️

[freshdotdaily]

I wrote this blog post in 2012 but tumblr deleted it.  It was called sumn like, “My main critique w/ Talib Kweli” I wasn't allowed to listen to rap or any secular music growing up. My mom did me a grave disservice in that regard. So appropriately when I came into age I began sneaking all the music I could. I liked hip-hop and wanted as much of it as possible. The first record that I got that informally changed everything for me was Arrested Development's "Arrested Development 3 years 5 months 2 days". Probably because A) It was non-violent hip-hop I could RELATE to & B) After being raised by a Puerto Rican mother I had little to no real Knowledge of Cultural self.The next albums that followed after I devoured that album were Fugees "The Score" and Busta Rhymes "When Disaster Strikes" it'd be a little while before I was able to get my hands on any new cd after those two, so I had those 3 albums for a good year or two in heavy rotation along w/ Future Flavors on Hot 97 to keep me current. I was writing my raps pretty regularly around this time and I'd graduated from performing gospel raps at my churches Youth Night to  nervously performing at little local open mic spoken word poetry nights w/ my friend Jason.The next album I got my hands on was "Mos Def & Talib Kweli are BlackStar".

That album changed EVERYTHING for me. As far as I was concerned I never needed another rap album. This was the penultimate affirmation of all the things I'd come to feel were true about myself and hip-hop and my culture. Mos was the Charismatic emcee who was forever on beat and in pocket w/ his flow and Talib was the well-read, technical lyricist. I immediate began trying to become an amalgam of them both in one emcee since I felt they so aptly represented what I felt. Reflection Eternal's "Train of Thought" album dropped and blew my head clean off my shoulders. The beats, man. Kweli was at his apex w/ that album. Raps + beats + Brooklyn being well represented. Oh, and let us not forget the Ecko advertisements. I wore Ecko exclusively for about a year and change. I mean footwear to underwear at one point. Talk about artists being brands and marketing alignment & etc.  I bought Triple 5 Soul because that's apparently what Mos Def wore, right? I bought & read Ntozake Shange's "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf" because Kweli made a reference to it. I read Toni Morrison's "The Bluest Eye" because Kweli made a reference to it. I mean, this is what hip-hop, good hip-hop anyway is supposed to do, right? Spark discussion, open minds, create thought and growth, etc. I felt like I was a part of that MOVEMENT. Rawkus. The Okayplayer board. The Spitkicker site. SoulQuarians. I had all the albums from everybody. Probably TMI, but I lost my virginity in 1999, while Pharoahe Monche's "The Light" was playing in the background for some reason. smh. For crying out loud, Black Star's "Respiration" is the top song in my top five favorite songs of all time.

It gets deep, nigga. (c) Kendrick Lamar

As my writing progressed and evolved and I found my own voice eventually through trial and error, Mos Def's "Black on Both Sides" dropped. While "Train of Thought" was still my favorite of the two albums, Mos's charisma eclipsed Kweli  and he became my favorite of the two emcees. I judge rappers work against their own previous work instead of their peers, because that's fair to do artistically. So I'd never pit Mos & Kwelis work against each other because that's like arguing about which is more delicious of a fruit, apples or oranges? Two different fruits altogether, bruh. Also, at this point, I'd moved out my moms house, put out my 1st album, discovered early Eminem and Canibus and had a blossoming cd collection. Not to mention my attention was being held by a burgeoning Kanye.When Kweli's solo project "Quality" dropped, it hit me kinda like "meh". Gone was the signature Hi-Tek sound. I mean, Tek had joints on there but it wasn't the same. Dj Quick? Dj Quick is a mothafuckin' legend, sure. But his relevance at the time? Nah. Especially to a n00b EAST COAST hip-hopper as myself, it was baffling. The general consensus was Kweli used his first truly solo debut to attempt a move toward a more mainstream sound. It received some mainstream attention thanks to the West-produced single "Get By" which peaked at #77 on the Billboard Hot 100. That was Kweli's lifesaver. That album would've drowned otherwise. I did like the Kweli/Kanye connection that seemed mutually beneficial for both of them. It seemed to be going well even got him a Hov shout out on "The Black Album", in which Jay-Z rapped: "If skills sold, truth be told/I'd probably be, lyrically, Talib Kweli". Then the Strugglesome "The Beautiful Struggle" album dropped and I wanted to like it, but it too, hit me like "meh". The Neptunes, Just Blaze and Kanye couldn't save that album. The album failed to cross over into the mainstream and suffered a critical backlash. For example, Britt Robson of The Washington Post  said: "Struggle" was a "frequently awkward, too-obvious bid to exploit the commercial buzz Jay-Z created." Mos was trying his hand at rock music w/ Black Jack Johnson and dropped "The New Danger" to my disappointment. By this point I'd bought Common's "Like Water For Chocolate" and it made him instantly my new favorite emcee. I went and bought "Resurrection" and "One day it'll all make sense" in the same day and consumed those albums daily.In listening, I noticed Kweli's aging. His attempts to remain relevant by looking around him and seeing what was popular and trying to compete. I was willing to overlook his stuffing a thousand syllables into a bar and over usage of the word "like" in every rap song w/ semi-obscure literary references (that I dug, actually). I was willing to overlook the preachy tone his raps somewhat took. I was still BUYING Kweli's music. Brooklyn. over. everything, my nigga. I downloaded '"Liberation" and wasn't mad at that at all. Kweli and Madlib? Dope. I stopped there. There was too much disappointment for me to continue. I wished he'd maintained his aesthetic. Emcees like Kweli and Fat Joe will always look around and try to emulate to maintain relevance. I'm sure there's more money and more opportunity in it, but you lose that core fanbase for the possibility of a bigger, newer fanbase who's not familiar with your older work and doesn't love you the same as a fan. Whereas an artist like Ghostface or DOOM will continue to do what they do in their lane and gain cult followings. Mos learned this the hard way. It wasn't until "The Ecstatic" (and stepping the live show up by giving people what they came to see) that heads began fucking w/ him again.Eardrum? Nope. Finally, a new Reflection Eternal album? With post G-Unit Hi-Tek? It was a little too late. I bought it & reluctantly handed my money over. I'd lost my will to be be a Kweli fan. Gutter Rainbows? Nope. Idle Warship? Hell no. 

Did Kweli become wack? nah, he's still nice. I feel like it's the same problem Nas had with putting out 2 great albums out the gate and then trying to maintain relevance in a changing musical environment where the consumers are getting younger and the music is warping to accommodate. It took Nas about 10 albums to figure out how to get BACK to his original formula.I ask myself often if my critiques on Kweli came about because I rap and hold him in my influences. You know how you get older and realize your parents weren't the geniuses you thought them to be as a child? Once I figured out my stride and perfected how I wanted to rap and write, I think I began flaw finding. Flaw finding is both my nature as a virgo and my right as a consumer & fan. The power to critique constructively is also my right as a fellow artist. The biggest iniquities were the syllable cramming at the expense of flowing on-beat to get a point out as well as beat choices. But overall, I wanted that vibe back. I wanted that hi-Tek, Geology and Shawn J. Period vibe back from when I found myself as a young man and emcee. In 2013 Kweli is dropping "Prisoner of Conscious" a title derived from Talib's constant labeling as a "conscious rapper" and based on Nigerian reggae artist Majek Fashek's album "Prisoner of Conscience." I plan on purchasing it via an experiment. I'm gonna download all the albums of his I missed and see if there's been any hints or glimmers of what I've been missing that could lead up to this being his "Life is Good" album. Based on that, hopefully I can "experience dedication" and "move something", before it's "too late" for him to "get by".-F.Daily

It’s 2019 and I think Kweli is super important to raps annals and history.  Albeit his hubris and righteous stances especially on social media mixed w/ distasteful personal stories I’ve heard + how he handled ReS’s music issues have rubbed me all the wrong way. I still think there’s really some slivers of relevancy for Kweli in the current hip-hop climate. I think he’s in tune with the culture and good for hip-hop and an important voice in socio-political justice for the advancement of people of color. Ionno how good the music is for me personally anymore, but I’ll always have Reflection Eternal. 

content sourced from Talib Kweli's wiki page

[taeyangdyb]

Giving love a shot part 53

♡Jae’s views♡

Jay’s been pretty stress out lately. He’s worry about me being pregnant and working, he’s not going to tell me to stop, but he think I’m over doing it a bit.

He’s been on the set of a music video since 5AM, shooting both the video and the dance version.

Reasons why I sometime hate going on his set, why are you shooting in odd places. It feels like a bunch of people doing stuff they shouldn’t be doing.

*Meanwhile*

“I think your wife is here”

Jay: where?

Looking from a distance, the only  person  I know who would wear that high of a heel while pregnant is her.

“Should we stop shooting?”

Jay: no, act like you’re not recording.

“But that’s-”

Jay: I know

Simon: you gone have her on the shoot?

Gray: you know she’ll kill you right?

Jay: I’ll take the risk. If she ask you, just tell her they’re checking the cameras and are not actually recording.

Gray: okay.

*back to Jae*

This place is so weird, why is there a bed at a warehouse? Who sleeps there? Are they invading a homeless person privacy? 

Walking there Jay is on the bed sleeping.

Jae:*sits next to him, pushing  his hair out of the way* long day uh? *leans in and kisses him*

Jay:*open his eyes* hey what are you doing here? 

Jae: I wanted to see, I figure you might be worrying about me overworking

Jay: how you feeling?

Jae: better now, you?

Jay: soo much better now

Jae: are we being recorded?

Jay: no they’re just doing a sound check and you know all these things

Jae: oh

Jay: yeah just don’t mind them, so how was Work?

Jae: same, meetings, paper work, more meeting.

So we’re sitting here talking and out of nowhere it’s starting to rain. Out of nowhere.

Jae: I have to go

Jay: where? My car, the top is down I don’t want water to get in it.

Jae: *Walking off*

Jay: *follows her* you can’t go run in these shoes

Jae: I’m not ruining my car either *pulls her arms from him*

Jay: JAEHA!

Jae: *runs in the rain and to put the hood down*

Getting there thankfully I left the key and someone put it up for me. Going back I found mr.Stubborn waiting in the rain.

Jae: you shouldn’t be in the rain

Jay: I should be telling you that.

Jay: *wraps his arms around her* you know I don’t think we’ve ever kissed in the rain before.

Jae: mhmm I’m sure we did. On our first date, I told you it would rain, you said no, the sky is clear *mimics him* but then before we made it to the car, it poured like crazy. Even though I looked like a panda you still thought I was cute, you asked me out on that same night.

Jay: wow you remember everything

Jae: I remember a lot more.

Jay: mhmm that gives me a great idea

Jae: oh no

Jay: how about you go home get ready, and I’ll pick you up for a date

Jae: really?

Jay: yeah

Jae: you’re going to stood me up aren’t you?

Jay: I promise, and we haven’t really celebrated since we found out about our baby, and I also want you out of the rain so you wouldn’t get sick.

*back inside* □Jay’s Views□

Back inside the building, I made sure that Jaeha was fully dried up. Regardless of what or the night end up, I have to make it to that date.  

Jae: what time you’ll be home?

Jay: as soon as I’m done here

Jae: babe if-

Jay: I promised you didn’t I?

Jae: yeah but, I don’t want to be disappointed you know I’ve-

Jay: I know you’ve been very sensitive, tired and stressed. That’s why I am taking you out tonight.

Jae: okay well I should get going

Jay: you have plenty of time

Jae: I’m kind of sleepy so-

Jay: oh hell no, you can’t be driving in the rain while sleepy

Jae: Babe-

Jay: Jaejae no, and that’s my final answer. If you want to sleep go in my dressing room

Jae: I’m not going to sleep just anywhere.

Oh so help me if our kids are as stubborn as their mother I’m gonna need a lot of help. Thankfully the rain stop. I sent Jae home,  so I could finish up and take her out on our date.

After finishing everything I head back home. Getting there, Jaeha was getting ready. I’m not going to judge her since she fell asleep.

I couldn’t walk in at a better time.

Jae: *standing in front of the mirror wearing a black underwear, bra, and a garter belt* hey you’re home

Jay: I’m home

Jae:*walks towards him*  you look tired, *hugging him* we can reschedule our date if you want to rest

Jay: I’m okay

Jae: you sure, I won’t be disappointed you know

Jay: *raise his brows*

Jae: okay maybe a little, but if you’re tired-

Jay: you can go finish your hair, I’m going to rest until you have your dress on.

Jae: babe we can-

Jay: baby I’m alright, it’s okay.

Jae: okay *starts walking out, and then stops* by the way, my lawyer will be at your office if a strand of my hair appear in this music video. It’s sad you thought I wouldn’t noticed *tsk tsk tsk tsk *

Jay:*smh*

Even though we’re married, Jaeha and I don’t have the luxury to go out as much as we probably want to, so if I have the chance to treat her, tired or not I will do whatever it take to make her day.

We left the house after an hour. We dressed alike, both in white.

Jae: *wearing a two piece lace outfit*

*at sky deck restaurant*

For privacy, I got us a table somewhere by ourselves.

Jae: you look very handsome

Jay: thank you, and you’re looking as beautiful as the first day I saw you

Jae: *blushes* so you’re ready?

Jay: ready for?

Jae: being a dad

Jay: are you?

Jae: no, you?

Jay: I don’t have faith in myself, but I have faith in you. I know you’ll be a great mom, so I’m not really worried.

Jae: how many kids you think we’ll have?

Jay: three

Jae: three?

Jay: yeah, you’ll have multiple

Jae: I’m gonna need you to stop saying that.

Jay: I’m serious. I was looking online for symptoms of pregnant who’s having multiple, you have all of them

Jae: babe no, don’t say that.

Jay: you’ll be fine.

Jae: did you ever look into finding your parents the house?

Jay: I was looking I saw a few that I like, I’ll just need to have a day off to take them around so they can see which one they want.

Jae: oh okay

We talked about anything and everything. Seeing Jae’s smile made my day. The sounnds of her laugh makes all my fatigue disappears. I know all of this sounds cheesy, but I just can’t help it. Who would’ve thought that we was going to get married and now expecting a child.

*home*

Jae:*walks out of her closet in a satin night gown, see’s her exhausting husband on the bed* tired?

Jay: no really, you need something?

Jae: yea, can you go to the store for me? I need some pad, period

Jay: okay*grabs his phone to walk out without giving it a second thought * do you need anything else?

Jae: *smile and walk up to him, takes the phone put it back on the dresser, and starts taking off his jacket and shirt*

Jay: I thought-

Jae:  You’re tired

Jay: don’t you need-

Jae: I’m pregnant, I can’t have period. I was just checking to see how tired you were. You’re so done for the day.

Jay: oh

Jae: You should probably change your clothes I’ll get you something to wear *head to his drawers*

Jay: no need, I’m sleeping just like that tonight *remove his bottoms*

Jay: you’re joking

Jay: no

Jae: babe-

Jay: Jae let’s not

Jae: *throws her hands up surrender* 

Jay: you going to sleep?

Jae: no, I have an episode of Hello Counselor to watch

Jay: you still watch that?

Jae: yes *turns on the tv* I’m going to ignore you for an hour.

Jay: okay

Of course after he fell asleep I put something on him. I wasn’t feeling the whole Tarzan look he was going for.

It gets late in the night, but I couldn’t fall asleep. It started pouring like crazy, normally I’d be able to sleep, but I have so many things running through my mind I can’t even close my eyes.

I walk around the house, opening rooms thinking what it’s going to be like with kids around. Will the house that usually quiet gets loud? I have portrait on the wall from one to my Current age, are they going to be replace?

How will my relationship with Jay turns out? All the attention will shift from me to the kids? What kind of mom am I going to be? Am I going to turn out like my mother? Am I going to give up on my kid like she did?

That’s not good, I can’t be thinking like that. But what if it’s true, Jay’s going to love them more than me, and I’m just going to be a miserable house wife and become a bitter old woman 😢😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Jay: what are doing? *looking at her on the floor*

Jae: *bust out crying*

Jay: did I say something wrong?

Jae:*cries out loud*

Jay:*blankly stares at her* it’s going to be a long day. *follows her*  babe?

*1hr later*

*knock knock*

Eric: who’s knocking so early-*opens the door* Jaejae? It’s 7AM what are you doing here?

Jae:*stands in front of him in her pink satin nightwear with a coat over it and night slipper*

Eric: why are you still in you night clothes? Why are you wet? Did you guys had a fight? *pulls her inside*

Jae: you have guests? Why are you dress like that in the morning?

Eric: Mark and Joon, we just got back

Jae: do I want to know?

Eric: not really. Go upstairs an change your clothes then come back so we can talk.

After changing my clothes I went back down, only to find three pairs of eyes, waiting to question me.

Mark: are you going to tell us what’s wrong?

Joon: Jaejae we know you’re married, but you’re still our little sister, if Jay did something to you, we’d still kick his ass.

Eric: regardless of how cool we are with him, you still come first.

Jae: at least I know I have you guys

Joon: Always, now can you tell us what’s wrong?

Jae: I haven’t slept since yesterday, mind if I rest here for a bit?

Eric: of course not

Jae: *passes them a walk up to one of the rooms*

Joon: should we call Jay or not?

Mark: I’m going to sleep

Eric: thats It?

Mark: she’s going to sleep all day anyways, what do you guys want me to do, drive to her house and beat him up? To do that I still need to sleep first.

*Jay’s views*

So Mrs.Park left the house since 7 or 8 right now its about to be 7PM and she is still not back yet. And no as always she doesn’t have her cell phone.

*door slams*

Jae: hi *walks to her room*

Jay: hi? You spent the whole day out, where were you?

Jae: out

Jay: I know that, I meant where?

Jae:……

Jay: JAEHA!

Jae: *walks out to the kitchen for dinner*

Poking around the food, she never touched it. After dinner it’s like she’s avoiding me.

Jae: *typing on her computer with a frown on her face*

Jay:*sits next to her*

Jae: *clothes the laptop and leave the couch*

Jay: did I do something?

Honestly not how I planned my day off to be. Tomorrow is Jaeha’s appointment. Of course I  have to be there, but the way her mood is, if it doesn’t change, tomorrow is going to be a long long day.

Back to the room she’s on the bed staring out of space. She stayed quiet until it she fell asleep. Did I say or do something last night? Why is she upset? Better yet why is she mad at me?

The next morning, I watch her getting ready, I didnt even realize how big her stomach was getting. Have I been that busy that I didn’t notice it? Is that why she’s upset? Even with what she wore last night I couldn’t tell.

We get ready and leave.

At the hospital we took a lot longer than expected, because someone didn’t go to the hospital when they were suppose to. Now they have to do all the test and blood work and  this lady is not having it.

Dr: I got a call from your personal doctor and he tells me that you don’t like hospital that’s why you  missed your first appointment.

Jae: I was busy

Dr: he also sent me your medical records. You have an history with stress and depression.

Jae: I’m feeling fine

Dr: being stress and or having depression is really dangerous when you’re pregnant. They can put both your life and your babies in jeopardy. You’re not going to be able to take any medicine because they can be harmful to the babies.

Jay: what about working? She sometimes have to work  at home.

Overall she has to be in a stress free environments. We spent the majority of the day hospital. We got some not so good news, and also some great news.

*in the car*

Jay: you wanna stop somewhere to eat?

Jae: If you want to, I don’t really  care

Jay: are you going to tell me what’s wrong or not? Cause- *phone rings* it’s your dad

Jae: why you telling me? He must’ve need you since he call you.

Jay: maybe he knows that you never have your phone that’s why he calls mine

Jae:*glares at him*

Jay: Hello

Dad: hey son how are you?

Jay: I’m good how about yourself?

Dad: I’m alright, did I interrupted you guys?

Jay: not really no.

Dad: well I wanted to let you guys know that we’re in town for the weekend

Jay: oh okay.

After hanging up the phone with her dad, we head out to a restaurant for a late, really late lunch. And no she didn’t tell me what the problem was.

After I drop her home I went to Simon’s house there. There I try to find out what the problem is.

Jimin: I have no idea, if anything, ask Mark, cause Jaeha doesn’t keep secrets from him. Then again if it’s something really important Jaeha doesn’t want you to know, Mark won’t tell you even if you put a gun to his head

Jay: I thought we passed the whole keeping secret thing?

Jimin: there’s a certain things you just can’t help it’s a habit. Whenever anything happened the first people I have in my head is to call my are friends. It’s just a habit. 

Jay: I honestly don’t know what to do

Jimin: just give her time she’ll come around.

Simon and I talk business and then I head home. I head back home to my miserable wife. Walk in the room, I’ve never seen Jaeha look so perfect. I know , I know , I KNOW I’ve said that a lot but I just can’t help it.

Jae:*standing in the mirror trying to  braid her hair to the side wearing a crop gray shirt and one of Jay’s underpants as a short*

Jay: you’re practicing already?

Jae: *startle, and unbraid her unfinished hair* no *walks in her closet*

Jay: can you tell me what I did wrong? I’m totally lost. I at least need to know what I’m guilty of.

Jae: *walks back out*  don’t you have work in the morning?

*Jae’s views*

My feet are swollen I feel annoyed and irritating all over I can’t take Jay’s whining.  I’m wearing a little to nothing, I’m both cold and hot. Coming from the hospital today everything I heard make me more nervous and anxious, and even more worried than I was earlier.

I feel horrible but *grrr* it feels like I’m going crazy not talking to him.

Jae:*gets off the bed and went in his dressing room and hug him from behind*

Jay:*locks their fingers*

Jae: you’re going to dump me aren’t?

Jay: what? *turns around* what are you talking about?

Jae: you’re going to replace me with…them *looks down at her stomach*

Oh yeah Jay and I are having  twins… I guess he got his wish. Jay wanted multiples even before we we’re married.

Jay: what do you mean dump? You know that’s never going to happen

Jae: yea, you’re going to replace me with them and I’m going to be #3

*Jay’s views*

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME, SHE THROW TANTRUMS FOR TWO DAYS BECAUSE SHE THINK SOMEONE’S GOING TO TAKE ME FROM HER? why do I find that cute?

Jay:*chuckles*

Jae: that’s not funny *storms out*

Jay: babe come on. You know you’ll always be my number one.

Jae: you’re just saying that

Jay: kids or not, you’ll always be my number one, because someday they will get married, and it’ll be just you and I again.

Jae: what if I resent them?

Jay: that’s never going to happen. Also seeing you looking like got me thinking

Jae: Oh no, that’s never a good thing.

Jay: but whatever comes after is always good right?

Jae: I’m hungry

Jay: don’t change the subject

Jae: what subject?

Jay: I’ll let you slide this once. By the way are you planning on wearing everything I own?

Jae: no, just  the once that are comfortable.

Jay: *pulls her closer to his chest* babe?

Jae: mhm *traces his collarbone with her fingers*

Jay: you know I love you right?

Jae: I know

Jay: thank you

Jae: You’re welcome, and I’m sorry

Jay: for?

Jae: not being the perfect wife, you know a normal one.

Jay: what? What you mean?

Jae: you know everyone’s wives can cook, clean, you know they can do all those things and I can’t do any of them. I don’t even know how to wash clothes.

We had a great night, and it's  sad to say that  it was going to be our last peaceful night. The next few days Jaeha’s been having stomach pain.

We’re at the hospital and the doctor’s saying a bunch of things, all I want to know is are they going to be alright.

Dr: well I’m not really sure how to say that but  unfortunately, we need to do surgery

Mr.Han: surgery for what?

Dr: we need to remove the fetuses, that’s what causing her all these pain

Jay: you mean abort the babies?

Ms.Han: isn’t there anything else you can do, money isn’t the problem whatever it is I can pay for it. It’s their first kids that’s not a decision that’s going to be easy to make.

Dr: I know it’s a hard decision but, if you don’t do anything she’s going to be in worst pain. The bigger they get. And she can’t be taking too much medication.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this hopeless. I have to pick between my unborn children or my wife. I can’t even picture myself without Jaeha.

It’s 11pm she’s still sleeping. All her friends are here, and none of them show any signs of leaving.

Jay: you guys can go rest at home if you want to.

I know they won’t leave until she wakes up.

*day 3-4*

It’s going on four days, and Jaejae is still hasn’t waken up yet. I am beyond scared, we came here because she was having stomach pain, but it’s going on 4 days and she shows no signs of waking up.

Jay:*looking at his wife lifeless body on the bed, with tears running down his face*