#oh and 3. for the love of god have a comms strategy

[kitebird-hockey]

.

[wokelander]

SOMEBUNNY LOVES YOU !

ft. leon s. kennedy x gn!reader

tags. hybrids, owner leon, slight coercion, cunnilingus..i hate that word, pussyjob, slight suicidal mention.. hybrids are treats like pets, they have more animal instinct, reader is nonverbal, gn but good boy is used :3

note. commission for @aizawas-dryeye !!! SPROUT I HOPE U LIKE THIS IM SORRY IT TOOK SO FUCKING LONG!!! hopefully there r no mistakes 😭 but if there r ignore them… i changed the plot a lot bc i really like hybrids and i think there r so many fun ways to use them butttt i ended up w this i hope u like it!! if u would like a comm :3 pls dm me! feedback always appreciated <3 this is older leon i think… di and onwards

Leon leaves the office late, but Hunnigan leaves later. She’s wound tighter than a nun’s pussy—Pussy, not asshole, everybody knows butt stuff doesn’t count. He wonders if she ever goes home.

The last time he did see Hunnigan outside of the office space was a month ago, they ran into each other at the grocery store and it doesn’t matter how long you know her, it still feels like bumping into a teacher in public. She looked hot with her hair down and her glasses off, but Leon kept that to himself like the good, decent man he is trying his best to be.

“You sure you don’t want a ride home?” He asks her as he pats himself down. Keys. Phone. Wallet. Gun. “The rain is getting pretty bad.”

“I still have work to do,” Hunnigan brushes him off, she doesn't even lift her gaze from the pile of paperwork.

“Okay, well, your last chance is going, I’m going, and I’m gone,” Leon supplies very obnoxiously as he waltzes past Helena’s empty desk to caress the edge of Hunnigan’s like it’s a really nice ass.

“You can do that quietly, Leon.” He hears when he steps out into the hall.

The rain is so heavy it patters loudly against his jacket—This is vintage fucking leather, but bringing an umbrella with you is just so uncool. The only one Leon has laying around is the one Ashley left at his place and it’s polka dot. He wouldn’t be caught dead in polka dots.

It happens as he’s walking past glass-fronted buildings, revolving doors and every hostile architecture strategy in the book. It used to be the President cracking down on the homeless crisis, not in the way you’d expect of course, but now it’s to ward off stray hybrids. Foxes mainly. Culling is unethical, TerraSave insists.

The occasional alley cat is nothing new, but bunnies? That’s a new one. Bunnies are spoiled little things. He’s only ever heard of show bunnies. Ones that get pampered and decorated like wedding cakes, taught how to jump through hoops so they can get a pretty sash to show off to all their bunny friends.

You tug at his jeans, curled up on the pavement like a fast food wrapper. From under your shirt you produce a muddied teddy bear and wave it around.

“Oh,” Leon says, and then he looks around like someone might catch him bending down to take a closer look at you, “hey there, little one.”

A flash of irritation wrinkles your face, it passes quicker than a lightning bolt. You’re wearing ratty house slippers, he notices as you thump your foot, shoving the teddy into his face once more.

You squeak, agitated by his inability to understand hand signals and bunny noises and twitching ears. Leon crouches down so the two of you are at eye level, and that was a mistake—A really, really big fucking mistake.

He’s always had a soft spot for small creatures with big, watery eyes.

(Sherry, Ashley, Manuela, a stray cat he took in for a couple of months before that left him too, and more recently Rebecca.)

“Fuck, okay, alright,” Leon curses into the open air, his ankles click when he stands up, god, he is getting old. He offers you his hand.

Your initial hesitancy wanes when he smiles at you as kindly as he can smile. No teeth ‘cause what if you think he wants to eat you?

“It’s not a long walk,” Leon tells you, and for a hybrid with such big ears, you don’t seem to understand him, blinking at him stupidly as you trip over yourself in an attempt to match his pace. He slows down, and then when he notices you flinching at every car that whizzes past, Leon shifts so he’s walking next to the road instead.

“Yeah, okay, just—Wait there, yeah?” He sits you down on the couch when the two of you get to his place, shaking rain water off his phone as he moves into the kitchen. It’s not like you can understand him, but if you’re just playing dumb and you really do understand, Leon doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or anything.

Ashley answers after the first ring.

“Hellooo?” Her voice is more nasal over the phone, his ears tingle.

“Hi, Ashley, uh—“

“Hi, Leon, oh my god, it’s been, like, forever!” Usually, he would entertain her a little because Ashley has only ever meant well, but you’re sitting there lost and soaked to the bone on his couch.

“Yeah, I know, I’ve been been busy—“

“You always say that, are you still in D.C by the way?” She’s talking over loud music and muffled voices and laughter.

“Yeah, I’m in D.C. still, wouldn’t go anywhere else—Are you still in Michigan, Ashley?” Leon knows she has a property in Grosse Pointe, more importantly that she has a hutch full of bunnies, a start-up, her father said.

“No, Leon, I left months ago— I told you that already, I messaged you, can you not just open my messages?” She demands, not harshly, rather imploringly. “I’m in Miami right now actually.” She adds a moment later, her pink lipstick likely rubbed off on the straw in her Mai Tai.

“I do read them,” Leon insists, but he does not, “I got a bad memory, but, uh, okay—Ashley, the bunnies do you have those?”

“No, that got shut down, like, when I left, Leon—It was your friend, the redhead?” Ashley huffs, he can see her pouting at him through the phone. “She shut me down, her company did, like, Terrorist something?”

“TerraSave.” He corrects.

“Yeah, Terrasave! They shut me down!” She doesn’t sound half as upset as she should be. She seems to be amused more than anything.

“Why?”

“Funny story actually,” she laughs, “the bunnies got sick super quick, I mean, Leon, bunnies get sick super fast, they also fuck like a lot—“ She says that word in a hushed voice. “Anyway, they kept making noise and my neighbours complained, and it turns out you need a licence to breed bunnies, I didn’t know that?”

“Holy fuck, Ashley, are you—“ He shakes his head, doesn’t even bother to try and fathom what goes on in that empty head of hers.

“Yeah, so, they told me if I didn’t get them to a local shelter on time they’d press charges against me, something about their rights? But, like, Leon, I heard that shelters can kill them if it gets overpopulated.”

“Right..?” He says, not liking where this is going.

“So, the night before my flight I just let them go.” She says breezily.

“Oh my god, Ashley.”

“Why were you asking?”

“Nothing, just, nothing, I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Before she can pull him back in with her absolute ridiculousness, Leon hangs up.

What the fuck is he supposed to make of that?

Leon frets in the kitchen for a few minutes, rubbing his hands over his face, scratching his chin, biting his nails, tosses a few things into the floor. By the time he’s done, it looks like the room was picked up and shaken.

He re-enters the lounge, smile taut like a stretched rubber band. You’re sitting right where he left you, swinging your legs absentmindedly, threadbare teddy sat between your thighs. “I guess it’s just you and me for a while, little one.”

A night turns into two nights into a week into a fortnight into a regular part of life. Caring for you becomes a part of Leon’s routine. It comes to him as naturally as holding a gun does.

Hybrid shelters in D.C. are overpopulated, pet shops only take cats and dogs, only he has space for you.

It's lucky you’re easy to love. Fluffy-eared and cuddly and sweet like a stuffed toy. You curl up in his lap and love him in the way no one else has.

You stay.

Mostly because you don’t have the tact to get up and leave. These four walls are your home now and you don’t know any better. You don’t know what’s past the front door. All you know is that it was cold out there and that it is warm and safe inside with Leon. He feeds you, bathes you, loves you—Why would you leave?

There used to be this coldness inside of Leon, an empty space so vast it felt as if galaxies had been compressed and placed inside his chest cavity. A black hole in place of a beating heart. Ada’s restless ghost on his hip like the gun in his holster, and then nothing but himself.

And now you’re here, loving him, making his heart flutter faster than your lashes when you want a treat and you’re so… You don’t doubt Leon, his word is law and it’s not making things easy on him. It’s hard to hold back when you wander around with his boxers on or in your birthday suit or in nothing but those silk shirts he saves for work events.

(He could tell you to bend over, he could ask you to open your legs, and you would do it, but he can’t do that to you.)

You’re a distraction he welcomes into his life, but holy shit, this is hard. Trying to be decent is hard. Vicodin killed his libido, but he took one look at your thighs and the way they squished when you sat down and his dick came to life. You did the impossible, you’re literally Freudian fucking Frankenstein and it sucks. He can’t do that to you. He can’t do that to you. He will not do that to you. He will not fuck this up.

When he gives you a bath, Leon tries to make it all very impersonal. Like he’s a nurse and you’re a patient, that only brings to mind all those nights he’s spent watching sexy nurses fuck men out of bed rest. When you prance over to him naked as the day you were born, Leon closes his eyes, counts to ten, and shifts his jeans slightly. When you’re playing on the ground, rolling around a brightly coloured ball, Leon does not look at the soft, wet spot between your thighs. He does not do that.

He will not do that.

“You seem happier lately,” his therapist notes delicately, he clicks his pen incessantly, it makes Leon’s ears buzz. He’s a man because Leon cannot keep his hands off the lady therapists. They’re usually older women, and that in itself is enough to get him clucking.

EAP bullshit, which by the way, is not a legal requirement—They only send nutcases to the thirteenth floor, and Leon apparently counts as one. Usually, he has a lot to say, a lot to complain about - the skyrocketing cafeteria prices, new recruits not laughing at his jokes, everything a therapist does not need to hear.

This time, he’s quiet, there’s no need to empty his mind when you’ve cleaned it out for him. It’s like you stuck a cotton swab up his nose and pulled the bad parts out of his brain. Just didn’t get to that sick, horndog part of it. Leon’s not sad anymore, more pent up, hard, turned on, aroused. All of that.

If he was a cop, he wouldn’t have to get a mental health check, he would just get a gun and go unmonitored, no one would worry about him killing himself or anything. Leon does get a shiny badge that gets him out of speeding tickets and to the front of the liquor store line though.

The session ends, he gets a message from Sherry as the door clicks shut behind him. Her flight is cancelled, she won’t be able to make it to lunch on Friday.

Before, this would’ve sent him to the nearest bar and Sherry would still be able to smell the liquor on him by the time they finally find another time to meet in the next month or so.

Leon has you now, so there’s no need to be sad. He goes home and is greeted by big eyes and your cotton puff tail and—You’re naked. Okay. That’s nice, it’s nice, he can’t lie. He would never oppose to seeing someone hot naked.

He also can’t pass up a good fuck.

You look like one hell of a good fuck.

Bunnies are, like, built for it. They’re like God’s gift to earth — organic sex dolls. Thighs and hips and ass. He can’t help it. Leon cannot help himself, and that is really an issue he should bring up with his therapist, but he spends his sessions chattering about things that won’t matter next week.

After placating you with pets and a twenty minute cuddle on the couch, shaking you off on the pretence that he’s gotta clean up after work, Leon sheds his clothes and tries to jerk off in the shower.

The cold water batters his back until he’s numb, like the day he found you, and then he spots your face peeking into the bathroom. Your nose twitches, taking in the scent of his body wash, padding closer and knocking on the steamed glass curiously.

Leon wipes it down with his hand, and he smiles at you tiredly, hopes you can’t see the blurred outline of his stupidly hard dick through the glass.

He makes out your figure through the steam, soft and plush and so fucking fuckable. His dick aches. God, he thinks he hears it whine like a kicked dog. Leon wants to touch himself, but he can’t when you’re right there, blinking at him with those eyes—Fucking blowjob eyes, man.

This isn’t right.

Don’t do it, you’re so fucking cracked, Kennedy—If you do this to them, you’ve got no fucking morals—

Leon steps out of that shower, dripping wet, his feet sinking into the bath mat. You chirp and press into him, little hands gliding over the protruding ropes of flesh that sweep over his back. You don’t know what they mean, but Leon always finds that you’re drawn to touching his scars, soothing any phantom pains.

“Fuck, baby,” he sighs, saddened that he has to do this to you, that he has to fuck the shit out of you, “just stay right there, okay?” His dick is leaking like crazy, the tip is wet and it’s pressed right up against your tummy.

If you notice, you don’t say a thing, but you never say a thing.

You just take it.

Shifting slightly, Leon angles his dick between your thighs, keeping you close to him under the guise of a hug. “Press ‘em together for me, sweetheart, a little tighter, little tighter—There we go, my good boy.”

Preening at his praise, you don’t seem very bothered by the cock that wets your slit with the sticky tip. Leon places a hand on the back of your head, bringing it to rest on his shoulder as he rocks back and forth, dick cushioned by your puffy pussy lips.

His body trembles, wrapped around you so tightly his embrace is crushing. You whine and squirm, wanting him to loosen his grip. Leon’s shaking hands find purchase on your hips instead, the tip of his cock bumps your clit and your floppy ears move so fast they almost hit him in the face.

Little by little, you begin to get it. Bunnies are sex-crazed little maniacs. Give a bunny the tip and they’ll take the whole cock. They are nature’s pocket pussy.

Each time Leon pushes his hips forward, in turn you push up on him, the two of you fall into rhythm, matching pace and panting quietly in the heat of Leon’s badly ventilated bathroom.

His cock jumps like he’s a fucking virgin, it’s so sudden, tip smushing against your clit in a nasty wet kiss, and you squeak, eyes wide like saucers, blunt nails digging into his shoulders.

“Sorry, baby, can you—“ Leon shudders, every nerve in his body alight, tingly as a weight settles in his gut. “C’mon, baby, that’s it atta boy.” He urges you onto your knees, cupping your cheek with one hand, keeping your chin up so he can spunk on your cute little face.

“You’re a good boy,” he says shakily, toes curling as his stomach muscles contract, dick twitching with each stroke, “you’re so good, baby.” That keeps you at bay, and you watch him from below with great fascination, running your hands up and down his thighs and driving him fucking insane.

The first dribble of his seed splats on your upper lip, you recoil and squeeze your eyes shut. Leon apologises under his breath as he palms his cock, wringing every last drop out of it. He doesn’t stop until his balls feel like the weight of the world is lifted off of them.

You blink up at him, mildly mortified, wildly confused and partly happy when he smiles down at you guiltily.

“Sorry, baby,” Leon sighs, pulling you up off the ground and wiping you down with a hand towel.

In response, your ears flick from side to side, flattened against your skull and your foot thumps stubbornly. You’re agitated. Maybe ‘cause of the facial, he thinks, but Leon notices that you’re shifting from foot to foot, knees going inwards as you squeeze your thighs together.

Oh. Right. He blue balled you. And pulled your ears a little too hard. God forbid he fucks you from behind, he might rip them right off your head.

Ushering you out of the bathroom - the steam was getting to his head - Leon lays you down on his bed, spreading your legs and placing gentle kisses up your inner thighs.

It’s ticklish so you squirm away from it, tail twitching and your body twisting. Leon splays a hand across your abdomen to keep you in place, keeping his eyes on you, on your curious face as you push up onto your elbows to watch him. Aw. Bunny’s first orgasm, what a treat you’re in for.

He likes going down on people, likes to watch himself in their eyes, likes watching himself make them feel good. Call him narcissistic, but it makes Leon feel better about himself. Like, yeah, he did that. Made them cum so hard their brains melted out of their ears.

“Settle down, baby.” Leon soothes you with a kiss to your mound, the soft fur is matted with his pre.

His kisses trail down your slit, then back up, lips smacking wetly on your twitching clit. Leon pulls the hood back with his thumb, rubbing away at your bud with the pad of his thumb until he frays your nerves. His tongue works its way into your slick hole, curling upwards, as far as it can go—And the whole time, all Leon’s thinking is, damn. He should’ve waited it out. Shouldn’t have lost his composure back there, god, this cunt is so tight he should’ve had a go at it.

Oh well, he has tomorrow, and the day after that, and a whole lifetime with you hopefully.

In a matter of minutes, you come undone and it might be the cutest thing Leon has ever seen. You’re the cutest thing he's ever seen, so this is fucking adorable. He wants to squeeze you until you burst, snap you in half like a popsicle. It washes over you like a wave, lapping at your curling toes and making its way up your body. Your thighs tense and snap shut around his head, Leon pushes them open with ease, and then your back bows off the bend and you let out the cutest little whimper and god.

Why did he wait so fucking long?

You liked this, you liked it a lot.

Leon finds that you can’t get enough of it. Insatiable. He can’t blame you, it’s in your genes, and tomorrow he is going to push his dick so far up into you, he’ll knock something out of place.

A letter drops through the letterbox a while later. It’s from Sherry. A postcard from wherever she is. She sends them often to placate him. It’s a vintage painting of a bunny in a bow, and in cursive font along the bottom it reads: Somebunny Loves you.

Leon smiles without even reading what she’s written, filing it away for a rainy day and slipping under the sheets where somebunny is waiting to love up on him.

[racingliners]

F1 Re-Watch 2022: Round 16 - Italy

Si ragazzi!!!!

Alas this is another “I remember almost nothing from this weekend” race for me, apart from super Nyck subbing for Albon, and Ferrari running a special livery and yellow race suits because vibes I guess???

Anyway, avanti!

To get into the spirit of things I’m having a decaf tea in my Ferrari mug, here’s hoping I don’t end up crying into it come lap 5

I once again forgot to look up the starting grid before pressing play so I may be having whiplash again folks

Wait this was the first race after the Queen died???? that’s wild

Anyway. Monza (extremely beloved).

Oh no. we’re playing engine penalty bingo. Please I’m not strong enough.

Lewis P19 :(

SEB AND LANCE P11 AND P12 LET’S GO

GOATIFI P10

McLaren second row????

Ah. Charles on pole. Well we know how this ends 😭

Charles love I think you’re great at quali but please get a better pole to win ratio for my sanity.

Livery watch: The Italy 2022 Ferrari livery is the superior livery, I truly love that they kept having Ferrari written on the rear wing this year, it looks great. (shocking that the livery designer is the Ferrari employee doing their best, but here we are)

anyway let’s go zoom zoom

[Start/Lap 1]: the roar from the crowd as Charles leads 😭

SEB INTO P10 LET’S GOOOOOOOO

[Lap 2]: Lance and Seb infighting into the first chicane BOYS BE NICE

[Lap 3]: A Ferrari leading at Monza. Feels good feels organic.

(I still have a lot of pain from the end of Seb’s Ferrari years, but Charles gets a free pass)

[Lap 4]: Verstappen v Russell. I fear violence.

[Lap 5]: nvm there was no violence because the RB18 was just so quick on the straight 

TEEEEEEEEEED 

Why can’t we get Ted in the comm box I’d much rather hear his thoughts on everything

[Lap 6]: Less racing so far and more “here’s some out of place cars moving up the field really quickly”

choo choo all aboard the Danny Ric DRS train

[Lap 7]: Lewis sighting!! up to P18 chasing Latifi.

also de Vries holding P8. Just FE Champion things.

[Lap 8]: ...why is there smoke coming out of Perez’s front right brake???

FLAMES????? ARE THEY ON FIRE?????

WHY ARE HIS BRAKES ON FIRE????

Fireman Seb WE NEED YOU

[Lap 9]: Right trying to move on. Not feeling that great knowing there’s a car on track with dodgy brakes at Monza of all places :)))))

Oh Lewis is up into P15??? NICE

[Lap 10]: “If Verstappen goes to Plan C, we want you to go to Plan B” We are at the point where Ferrari have a strategy alphabet for other teams. Shoot me it would hurt less.

Nonononononononno do not tell me Seb has an engine problem.

[Lap 12]: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

racing gods I WILL FIGHT YOU WITH MY FISTS

VSC :(

I am the depressed AM mechanics and the depressed AM mechanics are me

[Lap 13]: Everyone’s doing the VSC pitstop shuffle and I’m crying

oh just Charles pitted.

hmm.

40 laps on a set of mediums???? That’s... potentially dodgy

oh, Ferrari

[Lap 14]: ANYWAY Lewis is up into P13 🎉

[Lap 16]: The DRS train is still going, unsure if it’s gotten longer

“Do not short shift” oh god no

I am now crying into my tea

FERRARI WHY

They still owe me emotional damages from 2019 onwards it seems

[Lap 17]: ayyy Lewis into P11!!!

Norris overtook Alonso!!! some actual racing!!!

We’re nowhere near Miami levels of dull but yeah... not much going on so far

[Lap 19]: Congrats on your first track limits warning Nyck, welcome to F1

[Lap 21]: Lance battling Ocon for P16 👀

[Lap 22]: “We are thinking Plan C” :))))))))

I kid you not seeing Charles radio in screen now gives me anxiety

That was very unfortunate timing of Kelly Piquet yawning while Perez’s dad was clapping 

[Lap 23]: “Hamilton catching Fernando Alonso” oh no. Spa flashbacks.

OH NO THEY’RE NEXT TO EACH OTHER

stress

no violence please I BEG

[Lap 25]: *distressed yelling*

Lewis is still following Fernando, he’s faster, but maybe not with a big enough delta to make an easy pass, judging by the gap between them holding at around 6 tenths

(look at me trying to be all smart)

[Lap 27]: Half distance klaxon I think???

oh hang on

YEAH LEWIS INTO P6 ON THE MAIN STRAIGHT

That was actually quite minimal stress phew

[Lap 29]: Meanwhile it looks like Charles is either going to get overtaken by Verstappen or pit again :))))

Australia really does feel like a long, long, long time ago

[Lap 31]: Meanwhile the race has been so exiting Crofty and Brundle are talking about how nice the podium is, instead of literally anything else.

Monza how could you let me down like this 😔

[Lap 32]: Aaaaand Alonso mechanical DNF

[Lap 33]: HOW are Lewis and Norris still to pit yet??? 

Pitwall??? Did you forget about your drivers???

“Plan C confirmed” Stab me, just get my suffering over with.

Yup, Charles onto the two stop.

[Lap 34]: Don’t get me wrong, it has been SO NICE so see Ferrari somewhat on pace with RBR, but it’s felt very close but no cigar.

Oh thank goodness Lewis finally pits, onto the softs. He comes out P12.

[Lap 35]: 19.6 seconds between Verstappen and Charles. ughhhhhh

Lance is in 16th so I fear no AM points today 😭

[Lap 35]: Lewis watch: Into P11

[Lap 36]: Norris also finally stops, and Lewis is into P9.

[Lap 37]: LEWIS DOUBLE OVERTAKE ROUND CURVA GRANDE

yeah that was hot.

INTO P7!!!!!

And now into P6. HELL YEAH.

[Lap 38]: ahhh de Vries clinging onto P10!!!! 🤞

I legit cannot remember where he finished so I’m praying for points.

Though Zhou is gaining on him. I’ll allow a Zhoint (Zhou point) because he’s a good bean

[Lap 41]: Nooooooo Lance DNF 😭😭😭😭

pain, suffering, screaming, crying etc

[Lap 42]: Charles’ gap to Verstappen is 18 and a half secs so I’m not getting anywhere near the hopium

At least he’s on the podium :))))))

If Lewis has any mechanical problems I will legit sob, pls stop taking out my boys racing gods

Ahhh nice bit of racing with Mick and Nicky!!!

It was for 14th place but I’ll take it

[Lap 43]: RBR pit Perez, dropping him to P7

With 10 laps left I’m not sure how I feel about that potentially working

[Lap 44]: Nyck still in P10!!!!

[Lap 45]: and as they’re nothing happening on track we cut to Sylvester Stallone 

“No comms please I’m busy” Mood Lando but 

[Lap 47]: de Vries gaining on Gasly you say?? 👀

Cut to the Williams mechanics 🥺

*sigh* Dan DNF

The Monza winner curse continues

aaaand safety car. at least it’s an Aston Martin.

[Lap 48]: Pit stop shuffle 2 electric boogaloo

Although, there’s 5-6 laps left, and Dan’s car is in a funny place. idk if there will be time for a restart

“That is a sensible call from Ferrari” quick someone write that down I did not think I would hear this this year.

“There are 9 lapped cars that need to unlap themselves” :))))))))))))))))))

I’m trying really hard to not think about [REDACTED]

[Lap 49]: Ted and me share a braincell, he also doesn’t think we’ll get a restart.

[Lap 50]: Yeah we’re ending the race under the safety car lads they haven’t moved the McLaren yet

An uneventful end to a very uneventful race

[Lap 51]: ayyyy there’s the beloved Aston Martin safety car

at least there’s one AM leading a race 😭

WHY THE FUCK IS THE CRANE MOVING WHILE THE CARS ARE GOING PAST?????????

Great, now I’m pissed off.

[Lap 52]: Trying to calm down by reminding myself we have Charles in P2 and Lewis P5, this is significantly better than what I thought would happen!!!

Wait a minute.

The race ending under SC means DE VRIES POINT!!!!!

a tiny spark of joy!!!!

[Lap 53/Finish]: Oh the crowd are booing. Damn.

Charles first consecutive podiums since the start of the year??? I will take it.

*deep inhale*

NYCK DE VRIES POINT!!!! GET IT!!!!!

EDIT: My mind was seemingly so numbed by the race I didn’t notice Nyck and Zhou moving into P9 and P10, I’m assuming bc of Dan’s DNF. So Nyck POINTS and ZHOINT!!!!!

Well that was... quite meh. Barely a hint of midfield spice, the main “racing” was all the out of place cars coming back up the order. And honestly, I’m already struggling to remember what I just watched 😭

4 and a half front wings out of 10. Next race: Singapore (very, very beloved).

[daisybeewrites]

Academy Blues — Prologue

word count: 1.8k

warnings: not any for this chapter

ship: Dousy, background Fitzsimmons and Philinda

okay y’all.. here it is. the first installment of my first LONG TERM SERIES!!!!!! ahhhh i’m so excited. literally i cant wait to continue this and see where it takes me. i have an idea and a few different planning sheets, but honestly i have no idea where exactly this will end up. i love each and single one of you <3 thank you for reading!! this is also posted on Ao3, and linked in the masterlist.

Daisy hated the sound of the bells at The Academy. Screeching, awful, way too loud, the bells were the bane of her existence. They all wore standard-issue watches from the lab that monitored vitals and gave them reminders, and also told the time, for god’s sake! Fitz had even modified hers so that she could play snake on the tiny watch face! There was no need for the bells to be so excruciatingly disruptive. Though, Daisy guessed, there were many things more tortuous than bells ringing every hour and fifteen minutes.

Daisy slowed to a jog, cutting her morning run short. The bright side to being a third-year was that you chose your schedule, for the most part, and that meant Daisy had a free first period for four out of five days of classes. She usually spent this free period getting an extra hour in at the gym, boxing or sparring with Mack or Bobbi, two fourth years that had reluctantly taken her under their wings, or sleeping in. She reserved sleeping in for especially rough nights where visions of ashes and earthquakes and lightning returned time and time again, no matter how many deep breaths she took or sheep she counted.

But this morning was not one of those mornings. She had been up before sunrise, a little before her usual alarm and silently headed out of her dorm for a run. It was humid this time of year on most Virginia mornings, but never so hot that it made Daisy feel as if she was being smothered. The cooler air chilled her sweaty skin, her chest rising and falling as she jogged up the three flights of steps to the second years’ dorms. Down one long hallway, and she arrived at her room.

Daisy had been given her own room at the start of last year, complete with poly-adaptic-proto-whatever panels, which she had painted a pastel shade of purple, to compliment the greens of her cacti and the dark purples and blacks of everything else in her room. Even May had agreed that the stark white was too ”psych wing” for a bedroom. Daisy was grateful for the space, but considering the panels and the private room were only necessary since...

She shuddered. Grabbing her shower caddy, Daisy set off to the bathroom at the opposite end of the hall, hoping no one else was spending a free first period at the dorms.

Her shoulder-length waves were wet from bouncing against her neck, and starting to become annoying now that the sweat had dried and was starting to itch. Picking the white tiled shower furthest away from the door, Daisy quickly turned the water on, checked the temperature, pulled her sports bra and shorts off and hopped into the shower. Shampoo, condition, soap body, rinse. Checking her watch, Daisy found that she had showered in record time, less than three minutes. After spending another five just enjoying the hot water, she hopped out and changed into her class clothes.

Dark purple leggings, Coulson’s grey vintage SHIELD tee and a pair of white running sneakers she had “borrowed” from Jemma completed her look. Passing the mirrors, Daisy tried not to glance at herself. If her hair was messy or her undereye bags a bit too dark, she didn’t want to know. Instead, she headed back to her room to pack her bag for the day.

SHIELD-issued laptop, extra hard drives and a charger, Advanced CS 3: Ethical Hacking: Theory and Application, Advanced CS 4: Secrets of The Coding Languages, Physics notebook, an essay that was three days late on some boring book about international laws, and her sparring gear were all thrown into the black bag. She gave a second glance at the Russian notebooks Bobbi had loaned to her, promising that she’d learn without taking the class. Oh well, she still had all of this term to start. Plus, would she ever really need more than the dirty words?

One look at the alarm clock that sat on her dark hardwood night table showed that she still had almost forty-five minutes before she had to be in the computer lab. Sitting down on her bed, Daisy ran a hand over the grey blanket May had given her.

Daisy’s relationship with May and Coulson had been something of a problem with other students when she first got here. Some had been okay with the obvious paternal love Coulson showed for Daisy, showing her around and checking up on her, scheduling lunch dates and reminding her of tests. May was more subtle, texting her links to tai chi videos when she noticed Daisy getting too stressed or letting Daisy do her own thing if she saw that she was overwhelmed. Of course, none of the other students knew her family history, what she had gone through just to realize that May and Coulson were more her parents than her biological father and mother could ever be. She would see them later today—May during field training and Coulson in between lectures in the canteen.

Daisy walked over to her window to open her blinds, staring out at the campus she had grown to love. The large brick buildings scattered around acres of the Virginia countryside; green fields meant for physical activities like sparring or obstacle courses, or simply basking in the weather to study or chat; the dorms—red brick and concrete melded together to upgrade and expand the charming style of previously-built homes.

Grabbing a protein bar, Daisy headed to the canteen to make a green smoothie (and maybe snatch a cup of joe before she had to listen to an hour-long lecture on the reason SHIELD must cooperate with the UN’s stupid rules at 7:30 in the morning). Smelling the pines and morning dew surrounding her, she smiled slightly. Maybe this term wouldn’t be so bad.

———————————————————————

Daniel Sousa was a man of honor. He was a man of great strength. Agent Daniel Sousa, previously Officer Daniel Sousa in the US Army, was a man who could fix his damn alarm clock on his own.

Just, not today. Or the day before.

So, Agent Daniel Sousa was now hurrying his way to class at The SHIELD Academy, books in hand and gym bag slung over his shoulders. Catching a glance at himself in the shiny glass doors of the bio-chem building, he groaned. He hadn’t even brushed his hair. And, looking down, he discovered he was wearing two different shoes.

This is the college experience everyone raves about, he thought bitterly. You see, Daniel Sousa had enlisted to the army straight out of high school, forgoing university. He climbed the ranks impressively quickly, earning his place as second-in-command and reconnaissance scout in the 28th Infantry Regiment. Unfortunately, after only four years in the army, Sousa was injured in the field, losing his leg and almost his life.

He came back to the US a war hero, and yet, he felt he wasn't finished. So, when a recruiter named Peggy Carter knocked on his door claiming to be from SHIELD (“Wow, you guys are still a thing?”), he leapt at the chance to continue fighti-...doing good. The Academy wasn’t exactly what he had bargained for, though. Trying to earn his B.A. and training to be an agent at the same time was grueling, but nothing he couldn’t deal with.

No, six different one hour and fifteen minute long classes plus mandatory physical therapy every day wasn’t going to break him. Learning how to be a communications agent and re-starting field training and catching up on general college education was no problem. Pressuring himself to be the best, to break the limits, to get past all his weaknesses was just another miniscule feather to add to the pile.

Unless his stupid alarm clock broke. Then yes, Agent Daniel Sousa would fail, buckle under the weight and be left on the floor to die.

Maybe he was being a bit dramatic.

One bunny-slippered right foot and a sneakered left leg carried him forward, propelled by a quickly chugged orange Celsius and his sheer will not to be late.

Daniel heard the late bell ring out, understanding that, on his first day of class, he would be counted late. It wasn’t like him, not at all. Especially when his first class was a refresher course on field tactics and covert strategy, something in which he was already aces.

He let out a sigh, slowing as he rounded the corner into the comms building. At the Academy, most buildings were grouped into categories: the cafeteria, gym and pool, and student resource building all to the south; the gun range, obstacle course, and specialized gym to the east; bio-chem labs, tech labs, and smaller rooms for lectures to the west; the computer labs and comms buildings right smack in the middle; and dorms to the north.

He swiped a key card with his driver’s license picture and student ID, unlocking the sliding doors that led to the computer labs. It was quicker to short cut through them than to walk around the building to the entrance closest to communications classrooms.

It wasn’t because he knew a certain broody brunette spent her mornings in the lab.

No, it wasn’t, because she wasn’t in her usual seat in the corner, typing away.

He slowly walked through the rows of computers, searching for a familiar black backpack. Nothing was there.

“Hey, Sousa,” an accented female voice called behind him. He whipped around to see who it was, feeling just a twinge of disappointment when Elena, or, as most people knew her, Yo-Yo, was leaning against the door frame. Yo-Yo, a fourth year operations trainee, who was very close with Daisy.

“Hey, Yo-Yo. Good morning,” he called, “I’m running a bit late.”

Elena checked her nails casually, “Way to state the obvious. You were running faster than I could trying to get here before the bell.”

Daniel rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. “Yeah…”

“Daisy’s running late today, too.”

Daniel looked around, pretending that hearing Daisy’s name didn’t make him want to smile. “Oh, of course. She’s usually here early.”

Elena nodded, chuckling a little at his response. She couldn’t tell if he was oblivious or just a bad liar. It was charming, really. “Right. See ya ‘round, Sousa!”

“See ya,” He replied. He thought he heard a quiet ‘Lovable nerds’ coming from the direction she left, but he couldn’t be sure.

And so, with a last look around the computer lab, Daniel set off to arrive late to May’s lecture.

———————————————————————

okay okay,,, what do y’all think?? like/reblog and let me know! it’s the best way to support writers and it only takes a second! stay tuned for more chapters!!

[justreadingfics]

Looking For a Heartbeat (7/?)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Series Summary: You and Bucky used to be in a relationship. Feelings were hurt, you left. It’s been two years and you’re back. You both will handle the reunion well, won’t you?

Chapter Summary:  The day after  the  rooftop.

Word Count: 2.3K

Warnings for this chapter: angst, cursing, canon physical violence, actions that could be interpreted as suicidal thoughts.

 A/N: Thanks @nedthegay for helping me with this chapter! Please, let me know what you all think. Links are ruining posts, so you can find the the masterlist link on my description. 

  Steve has his full Captain mode on, pointing and explaining the strategies for next mission.  The details of the it mimicked in the 3D holograms hovering over the round table. Something about alien guns and dealers based on an abandoned construction site. Bucky couldn’t tell exactly. Always the same old shit. Whatever Steve’s says falls on deaf ears. His thoughts are somewhere else. Or better, someone else...

His attention is fastened on the vacant seat between Nat and Tony. As far as he remembers, you were never one to be late for briefings, especially the ones right before missions. The team should be those Natasha and Tony, alongside Steve, himself and you, but it’s been at least 20 minutes and you haven’t shown up yet.

Drifting off to the last night events he can’t believe he let that happen. When you got to the roof he thought that maybe that would be the opportunity to finally talk to you, come clean to whatever there might still lingering between you two. But like the damn coward he is, he chickened out, only for two seconds later, to fuck your brains out against the wall.

Jesus… he swears he can still taste you in his tongue, feel your velvet touch around him, the softness of your lips against his… He has no idea what came to his mind. He wasn’t really thinking. All he felt was the desperate need for you, like an addict who finally gets a taste of their drug of choice after a long time of abstinence.

Now, after the relapse, he has to deal with the hangover.

He had had no self-restraint. He was so fucking harsh on you…and you let him. He had you bare and vulnerable under his demanding touch and you let him do whatever he pleased, giving yourself fully to him, driving him fucking crazy.     

You don't deserve this… the way he's been treating you ever since you came back. No matter what happened two years ago, you're not to blame for his own insecurities. You’re not to blame for how unstable he becomes when it comes to you. It's all on him.

Regret weighs on him over the way he left you there, wrecked and alone. But why the hell did you have to go and tell him you loved him? The moment he heard you saying that, holding him between your arms, sounding so fucking sincere… his heart thundered and swelled inside his chest, begging his dazed mind to believe you, to give himself to you the same way you had just done. But in his head, the reality of what you were saying mingled with flashes of the complete abandon he felt when he realized you were gone, and then him begging you to hear those same three words years ago that day in London. If that's the truth, if you truly love him, why did you run from him the way you did?

The sound of opening doors in front of him takes him out of his own thoughts.

“Hey, hey. Look who finally decided to grace us with her Director of SHIELD’s ass,” Tony exclaims, giving you a teasing smile.

As you walk to Tony with a tired smile and bend down to put your arms around him, Bucky can’t avert his stare from the dark circles around your eyes, which you clearly have tried to conceal with makeup. His stomach flips with shame, replaying in his head the way he left you the night before.

“How the hell did you manage to keep Pepper in a thousand years long honeymoon, old man?” You pat Tony’s shoulder wearing a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes by a long shot.  

“Oh honey, I could tell you how, but Cap here would choke on his own guts, and you don’t want me to break America’s favorite toy soldier, do you?”

Nat and you chuckle and, as Steve rolls his eyes and opens his mouth to respond, Tony adds, “By the way, I heard last night was girls night, huh? A wild one, sugar?” He winks after giving you a once over.

As Bucky’s eyes widen, your hand flies to cover your neck in a clearly unconscious act and embarrassment etches in your face, which you quickly try to hide with tight lips.

“Ok, ok. Enough with the chit chat. Sit down, Y/N, I don’t have all day for this shit.”

Bucky thank the Gods for Natasha Alianovna Romanoff. Always saying the right thing at the right time.

Answering Tony’s grimace at her with a similar one, Nat pulls the chair beside her and in front of Bucky for you to sit, which you promptly do, delicately running your hand over your neck and not even once glancing at Bucky, switching your attention to Steve, instead, who pick up from where he’s left off.

His fists clench under the table, gripping the jeans over his thighs. The embarrassment you’ve shown at Tony’s comment feels like a punch in his guts.  He’s disgusted at himself. He’s been that rough, if not rougher, with you during sex before, but this is completely different. Before, there was solely lust, desire and love behind his possessive, demanding actions. Last night there was desperation and even a twisted wish to somehow provoke harm, like some sort of retaliation… He feels like shit, like he’s taken advantage of you, like he’s truly hurt you. And hasn’t he done exactly that?    

He’s a goddamn moron, that’s what he is. Fucking you like he did, instead of acting like a grown ass man and talking to you like Anna had told him to…

Anna...

Is what you said the truth? Is Anna really in love with him? Is he really so blind?

“Are you listening, Bucky?” Steve’s voice is stern.

Bucky blinks and look around, all eyes on him.

Except yours.

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” He lies and nods at Steve, before his eyes seek yours again, only to see your distant gaze fixed on your hands over the table, as your fingers swiftly tug at one another.  

“Let’s go, then.” Steve commands, switching off the holograms and leading the way to the jets after everyone promptly got up to follow him.

~~~

Everything happens so fast. The place where you busted the dealers is a construction site, huge and open. The team needed to disperse in order to deal with the unexpectedly large number of hostiles, who were heavily armed with all kinds of alien weaponry and tech.

You face each one of them who dare to cross your path with all you got. You are reckless,  and don’t listen to Cap’s orders or anyone else’s words of warning through the coms.  If they said there was too many hostiles at a certain spot, there would be; you don’t wait when they tell you to, don’t listen when someone told you need help and can’t do what you’re doing alone. All you see is red. From the enemy’s blood or yours, you can’t tell. This is what you do best, this is you. And right no all you can be is you. And all you can do is fight without anything else in your head and your heart.  

You only stop when you finally hear his voice calling your name. He is shouting, calling for you, desperately, pleadingly, angrily. You turn around just in time to witness what happens next.

One of your opponents were right behind him as Bucky runs to you. You’re quick to take the man down with a single perfect shot from your gun, but not quick enough to stop him before he used a blaster to tear a thick piece of concrete from the construction. Your blood freeze as you see it crashing down towards Bucky’s direction. You sprint to him, screaming and calling his name, taking down whatever blurry figures that come between you and him.

You finally remember to breathe again when you finally get to him and see he has somehow managed to block the concrete, but his metal arm is stuck under the heavy block.

“We gotta get you outta here,” you pant, kneeling in front of him and pointlessly trying to move the block.

“It’s worthless, even I can’t move it.” He’s trapped with his side to the floor, holding his machine gun securely against him with his flesh hand, “There’s more coming, you gotta go,”

“Tony, Steve, where are you?  Bucky’s stuck, we need you here,” You ignore him, shouting through the comms.

“I’m a little stuck myself, darling, gimme a minute.” The answer comes from Tony.

“I spotted you two, I’m coming over,” Steve replies.

And that’s when a buzzing sound catches both you and Bucky’s attention. You spot the shooter up in the building roof before the small red device attaches to the top of the block trapping his arm. Through the small screen, the countdown started: 15, 14…

“Get the fuck outta here,” Bucky screams and pushes you making you fall backwards.

You ignore the desperation etched on his face and in his voice to favor your own, as you get back up and bolts to the device, trying to pull it out of the rock, to no avail. Some damn alien shit...

10, 9…

“Steve, Tony…”

“Almost there,” Steve shouts back.

“It’s gonna fucking explode. I might be able to take it, you certainly can’t! Get the fuck out of here.”  He gestures with his arm for you to go.

“I won’t leave you,” You cry out, still trying to unattach the small explosive.

7, 6…

“You’re gonna die, Y/N.” He desperately begs.

“And do you think I fucking care?” You snap, locking your gaze with his. Silencing him completely.

5, 4…

The ticking of the countdown in the background is all you can hear as you keep  staring at each other.

His blue eyes are terrified and his parted lips are speechless.

3, 2…

“Back off.”

Tony’s voice makes you step back as he jumps to the device, easily hooking it off with a blast and tossing it to the sky just before the loud thunder of the explosion booms.

“Do you have a fucking death wish, Y/N? You were gonna blow the fuck up,” Tony yells at you at the same time he pulls the block off of Bucky’s arm.

You don’t answer. Steve, who has just arrived, gives you a concern expression, offering his arm to lift Bucky up who remains astonished and wordless, staring at you.

Terror still haunting his eyes.

~~~

The rides back home from missions are never cheerful. Even in victory, there’s always the regret, the feeling that more could’ve been done, the heavy weight of the casualties, the collateral damage, and the darkness that inevitably came with a fight.

However, you can’t remember ever feeling the way you feel now. The whole team is quiet; each one busy with their own demons, but also trying to digest what had almost just happened to you.

He’s sitting right across from you. You can feel the fire in his eyes burning into you.  But you don’t dare to look at him.

The jet lands and you’re the first one to rush out, only nodding when Steve says he wants to see you in his office the next day.

You run to your room, leaving the door unlocked behind you. Breathing heavily, you sit on your bed and stare at the door. He will come, you know this.  To scream and yell at you. Call you crazy and reckless. You know what you said and how it sounded. You’re not sure what it really meant for you, though.

But you know he won’t let this one go.

You wait for him.

~~~

It’s hard to contain the tremble on his hands as he rushes past the elevator and hurries over to the stairs, hoping the physical exertion would at least ease down a bit the hurricane inside him.

You were going to die. Right there in front of him. And it seemed like that was all you wanted at that moment. His throat is tight and he feels sick. So utterly sick at the thought. The way you came back, last night, the mission… This is not ok. You’re both a couple of fuck ups and it needs to end.

Right now.  

His heart hammers with every step as he climbs up to her floor. He needs to see her, talk to her, listen to her voice.

He needs to calm the fuck down.

Bucky’s rushed pace halts completely when he meets the door in front of him. He takes in a deep breath and runs his hand over his damp locks before bumping his fists to the wood repeatedly.  

A few seconds pass before the door opens and startled eyes meet his.

“Bucky?” She takes in his appearance, “Are you ok?”

“Is it true?” he ignores her questions, his eyes frantically analyzing her face, “Is it true that you’re in love with me?”

A small gasp slips Anna’s parted lips and her eyes widen even more while she takes an unconscious step back. He can tell she’s struggling with her mind before her jaw clenches and she straightens up her posture, keeping her gaze on him.

“Yes, it is,” she answers, simply, in a soft, yet full of resolution voice.

Bucky doesn’t even let the words sink in before he crashes his lips on hers.

~~~~

[racingliners]

F1 Re-Watch 2013: Round 3 - China

I am FINALLY picking up my 2013 watch through again. This was always going to be a chilled out thing but just have no had the headspace lately bc of various life things constantly kicking me in the teeth 😭

Anyhow, despite still being early on in the season we’re already nearing the end of races I haven’t seen at all, but I obvs still know the main bits of what happened (Fernando winning, Seb and Lewis battling for P3). So, let’s finally jump in!

gonna say it again, the old F1 intro my beloved

also also this was the first race post Multi-21 (I did start this re-watch out of order, if you’re wondering why Malaysia is the first post in my tag) so I assume we’re going to get some spicy comms (or an attempt, since it’s Crofty and Brundle)

also also also, I legit miss Shanghai on the calendar. Maybe it’s nostalgia, but we had some really good races there, it’s a really good track.

aaaaand starting grid: Lewis on pole, Fernando in 3rd, Dan in 7th in a Toro Rosso, Jense in 8th Seb down in 9th... Jev in 15th 😭

(god it feels SO WIERD seeing Rosberg on the grid as a driver, does not compute)

lol Webber starting from the pits bc he ran out of fuel in quali.

oh, this was Lewis’ first pole for Merc 🥹🖤

[Formation Lap]: Helmet watch: I loved how Lewis’ yellow helmet with the red and green accents had a blue, green and amber multichrome visor to match. (Yes these are the important things that we discuss here at racingliners.tumblr.com)

Just F1 culture things: the mad dash of mechanics and engineers running from the grid to the garages.

“Whatever way round it was it was still a [Red Bull] 1-2 in Malaysia” oh we are getting some spicy comms after all 

Helmet watch 2: Seb’s red helmet is v pretty

[Start/Lap 1]: Lewis having a v zoomy start, we love to see it

While Raikkonen got dropped by both Ferraris

Meanwhile cars going three wide in the midfield bc insanity

oh no Force India on Force India violence at the last corner

[Lap 2]: Webber makes his first stop, inch resting

Man, the ever constant of Lewis and Fernando racing against each other

[Lap 3]: Lewis 8 tenths up on Fernando we love to see it

Livery watch: of the many iterations Team Enstone have raced under, the black and gold Lotus livery is very much one of my favourites (Pink Alpine will always be superior though)

[Lap 4]: damn Fernando really caught up with DRS

Seb finally making moves and passes Dan for 8th

[Lap 5]: ...not both Ferrari’s getting past Lewis on the main straight. what the DRS

meanwhile Seb got past Jenson, and passes Rosberg at the hairpin for 7th

[Lap 6]: and one of the Force India’s has a broken rear wing, and Mercedes just did a double stack

This race went from 0 to 100 very quickly

oh shit the Force India’s brakes are now on fire

Team Silverstone’s no good very bad Chinese GP

oh no it was Gutierrez who just ploughed into the back of him. whoops.

[Lap 7]: Alonso pits

I am barely paying attention to tyre compounds with all the demolition derby shit going on

aaaaand Lewis back to being the fastest on track. noice.

cut to Jev v Bottas for P11. ngl it’s very wild watching these races back knowing how some of these guys careers have unfolded a decade later.

(Jev’s a double FE World Champion, so fuck you Marko)

ahem back to racing

also hi Pastor Maldonado

[Lap 8]: Oh my god Hulkenberg is leading the race after all the pit stops and carnage what the fuck

but more importantly Seb P2 and Jenson P3 🥰

in reality Alonso is the net race leader bc everyone in front of him is yet to stop I’m just living in delusion

[Lap 9]: whoops some drivers allegedly used DRS in a yellow flag zone, that was silly

[Lap 10]: ngl, I really miss it when we had a legit mix of possible strategies (in this case a 2-stop vs a 3-stop). Pirelli make better tyres challenge

[Lap 11]: What is a polar bear (Di Resta) doing in Arlington, Texas?! (5th place).

Good for you though Team Silverstone I love you Team Silverstone

Livery watch: the glossy metallic blue with purple accents rbr I MISS YOU

[Lap 12]: of rip not Fernando being 1.6 seconds faster than Seb on his new tyres 😭

anyway now I’m finally paying attention, the soft and mediums were the tyre compounds for this race

[Lap 13]: Seb and Rocky team radio interactions my beloved 🥰

[Lap 14]: How the fuck is Hulkenberg still leading????

Meanwhile Alonso is just cutting through the field like butter fvhaeudhu. He’s up to 4th

[Lap 15]: lol rbr pitted Seb to get him out of Hulkenberg’s dirty air and he pits anyway

but Seb jumps him in the pits!

the devil works hard but RBR mechanics work harder

NOOOOO WEBBER CRASHED INTO JEV

back to back races of Red Bull on Red Bull violence. oof

“How does the car feel?” “Not too bad” HIS FRONT WING HAS BEEN SHREDDED

[Lap 16]: oh not Raikkonen going into the back of Perez

both incidents happened at turn 6, what was in the water in the lake in the paddock?

aaaand cut to a slow moving Webber (and a depressed looking Adrian Newey)

[Lap 17]: Oh shit there goes Webber’s right rear tyre, just... rolling across the track

[Lap 18]: Meanwhile, Jenson is in first so I think we should just stop the race and call it a day

There has been SO MUCH GOING ON

[Lap 19]: “Should they remove the car? It’s not on the racing line” My lord jesus christ IT’S ON THE TRACK CROFTY

Obviously you can’t see me as I’m typing this but I’m looking into the camera like I’m on the office

They haven’t moved the tyre either it’s just sat on the grass run off, that is NOT SAFE MY DUDES

[Lap 20]: Meanwhile Massa and Rosberg pit again

And Seb up into P5 🥰

“Button leads the race” STOP THE COUNT

“Alonso catching Button but he cannot pass him... Jenson Button doing a fine fine job” I love this song

[Lap 21]: ...nvm Fernando took the lead going into turn 1

It was wonderful while it lasted, considering the 2013 McLaren car was painfully average

Rosberg pits again???? I wondered why they cut to a bemused looking Merc pit wall

[Lap 22]: The synchronised Merc and Lotus pit stops *chef’s kiss*

Lewis comes out in 9th but considering the massive pace difference between old and new tyres he should be back on the top 5 pretty soon

[Lap 23]: oop Rosberg retires with a mechanical fault

mild shock, I just about understood when Jenson said over the radio. He didn’t sound like static for once

and Lewis overtakes Dan for 7th

[Lap 24]: Jenson pits for his first stop, and Fernando for his second

...Jenson and Grosjean under investigation for using DRS in a yellow flag zone 🤦‍♀️

Braincells boys, braincells

[Lap 25]: anyway hiiiii Bono

Just Lewis things: collecting fastest laps like pokemon

[Lap 26]: And Fernando moved into P2.

...and now he chases down Seb

man this race is just peak 2010′s F1. Fernando racing Seb and Lewis, Lewis chasing down Jenson (and Jenson’s car not being completely shit for once). Raikkonen just vibing and somehow being faster after he got a broken front wing and nosecone

also while I haven’t had my obligatory “TEEEEED” reaction, he is in the pitlane living his best life.

[Lap 29]: And Lewis passes Jenson on the main straight.

and we have passed half distance!

[Lap 30]: And Fernando takes the lead

“It’s Alonso, Hamilton and Raikkonen for the top 3″ damn Brundle’s third eye was wide open (spoiler alert, that’s our podium just with Lewis and Kimi swapped round)

[Lap 31]: that is a very tragic sight of Raikkonen passing Jenson with his very broken nosecone

[Lap 32]: Seb makes his second stop, but he still has to run the softs

and he’s already moving back up into 6th place

[Lap 33]: ...and now into P5

He is zooming 

[Lap 34]: Oh the old tyre strategy graphic!! I did not know I missed it until I saw it, it’s way easier to follow all the different strategies if they just have all the tyres drivers have ran thus far on screen 😅

[Lap 35]: Not Seb being 2 and a bit seconds faster than Jenson 😭 (a combo of 2 stop vs 3 stop, and it being the 2013 RBR vs the 2013 McLaren)

[Lap 36]: and unsurprisingly Seb passes Jenson for 3rd

The current race order being Fernando, Lewis, Seb, Jenson and Raikkonen

[Lap 38]: And Lewis makes what I think is his final stop

He comes out in 6th, behind Ricciardo

[Lap 39]: So Fernando has to stop again, but he has a decent gap over everyone else. Seb and Jenson who also have to stop again less so

“What’s the situation in the race?!” Ted is me and I am Ted. mainly because I started this after 10pm my time

Lewis once again collecting the fastest lap. Purple really is his colour.

‘Use of DRS in yellow flag zones for cars 1, 2, 7, 17, 19 and 23 will be investigated after the race’ I had to pause bc I couldn’t stop laughing.

That’s an awful lot of paperwork, the stewards are booked and busy bc Jenson and Jev were already on that list

so about a third of the grid potentially doing something very unavoidable. F1 is a Serious Sport™️

[Lap 42]: Anyway, Fernando makes his final stop, and only comes out in 2nd behind Seb.

[Lap 43]: And he once again passes Seb going into turn 1, so just second and third to sort out.

[Lap 44]: Raikkonen passes Jenson for 3rd at the last corner

[Lap 45]: ...and Lewis passes Jenson for 4th a few corners after

seeing your fave driver go from 3rd to 5th vs seeing your other favourite driver get into 4th

[Lap 46]: 10 laps to go

[Lap 47]: “No need to push” “I’m not pushing” Fastest Lap: Fernando Alonso. rguheuraghu

Fernando Alonso certified menace to society

[Lap 48]: Seb (2nd) and Jenson (5th) still haven’t stopped yet, so they’re either leaving it as late as possible, or going to try extending to a two stop. 

[Lap 49]: ah nvm Jenson’s race engineer said they were doing one more lap before stopping 😅

also YIKES the soft tyres sucked that much this race if they only want to do 7 laps on it

[Lap 50]: and Jenson finally pits for the soft tyre, he comes out in 7th place

[Lap 51]: Jenson passes Massa for 6th 

and he’s setting purple sectors 🥰

[Lap 52]: Seb makes his third stop for softs, he comes out in 4th

*5 Laps remaining klaxon*

and apparently Jenson’s tyres are already dying 😭

Pirelli you can and will meet my fists

[Lap 53]: meanwhile Lewis is close to Raikkonen, but not close enough to try a pass

[Lap 54]: ✨Seb fastest lap✨

and Di Resta pits which promotes Jenson to 5th

oh jeez the amount of marbles off the racing line, they could legit make a whole set of tyres, the track is literally black where they’ve all gathered

[Lap 55]: Seb closing in on Lewis at a huge rate of knots

last lap spice you say? 👀

[Lap 56]: the gap has gone from 5.2 seconds to 2.0 seconds in about two laps. whew.

A Lewis and Seb battle is the superior battle, you cannot change my mind

although Lewis is caught up in a train of traffic, which is allowing Seb to catch up even more.

[Finish]: Fernando wins, can we cut to Lewis and Seb please

MASSIVE LOCK UP FROM LEWIS

oh jeeeeeez it was a drag race to the line and I think Lewis got him by a front wing end plate. WHEW.

Final Top 5: Alonso, Raikkonen, Lewis, Seb, Jenson

Oh jeez that race was actually really decent! Normally I hate strategy races BUT in this case it made things genuinely interesting bc there was a good split of drivers using the 2-stop or 3-stop, and most importantly it gave us some decent battles and made the results somewhat unpredictable! And the last lap chase of Lewis v Seb was SO GOOD. It literally wasn’t over until the last lap, and it being between Lewis and Seb was just even better, and podium or not Seb had such a great comeback drive from what I think was a brake issue in quali the day before. And that’s before you get into all the stuff going on at the start... WHEW.

Easy 8 out of 10 race, next one is Bahrain!