#oh also! trust and forgiveness is kind of a big part of a lot of my c*bra kai fic ideas

[allsassnoclass]

yes good hello!!! may i know about 7, 10, 11, 13, and 25! and i love you sm :) xoxo

@clumsyclifford hi bella! thanks for asking love you too <3

7. What’s a topic you would like to explore? truth and trust! and the intersection of those two! and how to trust someone who isn't truthful and how to tell the truth to someone you don't know if you trust and how to trust someone again when you thought you knew the true them and have been proven wrong.

10. Do you always have a clear image before starting a piece? usually kind of! for fics, i have a general vision and it becomes and increasingly and increasingly clear. i usually know the beginning and the end for sure, with a few touchstone moments in the middle. for moodboards i have a pretty clear image, which can be an issue when i can't find the pictures i want and am not sure how to pivot. all of my moodboards end up looking very different from what i intially envision lol

11. What part of the process of creating brings you the most joy? probably brainstorming tbh! letting plots or ideas come to me and figuring out what's happening and getting to the point where i feel confident enough to start. it also kind of stresses me out because i have so many ideas, but i really like creating worlds and coming up with stories or envisioning moodboards.

13. Is there something you’d like to see created but you know you can’t/won’t do yourself? short answer: no <3 if i can envision something enough to want it, i envision it enough to want to make it myself. i always most enjoy other people's creations when it's something i myself would've never thought of or been able to visualize, such as megs's faking the moon landing fic. i never would've come up with that idea myself, so i enjoy reading it so much more! same with all of my moodboard ideas, with the exception of some moodboards for my fics (like the black coffee and sulfur one that maya made <3) because for my own fics i sometimes draw a huge blank on what should go in a mb, which doesn't typically happen when making a mb for someone else's fic or for my pairings as albums series. if i have an idea for something, i typically want to make it myself rather than have someone else make it

25. Tell us a little known fact about something you’ve made uhhhhhhhhhhh omg. what am i going to say. what have i made that i haven't talked extensively about. OH! in pas de deux harry styles was originally supposed to be a character. i had a scene where michael called him on the phone. they were exes. they danced together at abt. however i wrote him out lol he isn't mentioned in the fic anymore. it just didn't fit.

[longing-for-rain]

what do you think of the argument some people make that goes along the lines of "zuko was acting entitled towards kataras forgiveness and the betrayal at the catacombs was just a second thought to him"? According to them, zuko failed to understand that kataras anger at him was a direct consequence of his previous decisions and instead blames it on her resentment against the fire nation (the whole "i think she sees me as her mother's murderer" spiel). They also claim that he's a raging misogynist bc of the way he treated katara in the pirate episode, that he didnt remember her name when asking sokka abt the southern raiders, taunting her in the northern tribe by saying she is a big girl now that she's learned some new tricks, referring to the kyoshi warriors as a "bunch of little girls", yelling at mai and acting possessively, mocking ty lee... amidst many other things, including the toxic masculinity accusations ofc. They also condemn his selfishness in helping katara find some semblance of closure. I think a great part of this is just biased hate, but i just wanted to know your opinion. It's okay if you don't want to answer though!

Oh no of course, I think it’s definitely biased hate, because these kinds of superficial “criticisms” only seem to come up in response to people shipping Zuko with the incorrect character. I’ve seen the same people who make these arguments praise Zuko, say they love him, say his redemption is inspiring, etc. in other contexts.

There is a lot to unpack here, but I’ll touch on all these points because I find them interesting. Also, in regards to generally stupid anti Zuko takes from whiny anti shippers, a lot of those came up here which I addressed in detail.

Now, about these particular arguments.

1) Zuko wanted Katara’s forgiveness out of selfishness

Firstly, I never understood this take because in context…Zuko already has what he set out to get when he left the Fire Nation at the beginning of The Southern Raiders. Actually, let’s take a step back here: leaving the Fire Nation. Did these people collectively forget that? Zuko could have stayed in his life of luxury, watched the world burn, and inherited the title of Emperor from his father. But instead, he committed treason, risking his life in the process, because he knew in his heart it was the right thing to do. This is the character you’re trying to smear as a selfish monster?

Anyways.

The Southern Raiders. The scene which kicks off the conflict with Katara is when the group is sitting around the fire, praising Zuko for his heroism and saving them from Azula. He humbly admits he doesn’t feel he deserves the praise, to which Katara agrees and storms off. But the important piece of context here is that everyone else—including Sokka, Katara’s own brother—seems to be on Zuko’s side. If Zuko was purely selfish, he wouldn’t have cared what Katara thought of him. He could have laughed along with Sokka and agreed that Katara was just being dramatic. But that isn’t what happened.

Zuko doesn’t look angry or vindictive here; he looks hurt. He cares what Katara thinks of him; he later says those words verbatim to Sokka.

I also think the fact that Zuko made a special effort to reach out to Katara above the other characters shows that he recognizes that the catacombs incident was much more personal for Katara. Zuko even acknowledges this himself.

Zuko: Katara mentioned it before when we were imprisoned together in Ba Sing Se, and again just now when she was yelling at me. I think somehow she's connected her anger at that to her anger at me.

Zuko remembers their conversation very well. Katara’s anger towards him was different than the others because she felt betrayed on a more personal level. She shared something deeply personal with Zuko and connected with him, and felt deceived when he betrayed her.

In Katara’s mind, Zuko talking about his mother was fake. She tells herself it was just him lying to her and manipulating her to gain her trust, because that’s easier than the idea that he didn’t care. I believe this is why Zuko finds it so important to make it up to her…and specifically why her mother was involved. Obviously Zuko was wrong to side with Azula. But he wasn’t being manipulative or uncaring. He was manipulated himself by Azula, the person who knows how to control him better than anyone else.

So, in this episode, Zuko is not setting out to prove that he’s “good” (he’s already done this); he’s setting out to show Katara that he does respect her trauma, he does understand and respect the weight of what she told him about her mother. Zuko can tell she’s deeply hurt and that he’s part of that hurt. That’s why he wants to demonstrate that his care for her was and is genuine. He never lied to her. And that right there is the opposite of selfishness. This is once again Zuko acknowledging his own faults and taking responsibility for fixing them. He doesn’t even seem to demand or expect forgiveness in the end.

Look at his face. He’s surprised. He did not expect this gesture, although he graciously accepts it.

If Zuko was this selfish, entitled monster people want him to be, he wouldn’t react this way. He wouldn’t even care about any of the points I just went through.

If you honestly believe that Zuko’s motivation was selfish and he was just manipulating Katara’s feelings this whole time, you fundamentally missed the point of one of the show’s most critically acclaimed episodes.

2) Zuko didn’t know Katara’s name (?)

This one is just stupid. I’m sorry. I didn’t know people actually used this argument because it originated as a joke post and you should be embarrassed if you genuinely think this is canon. It comes from the scene in The Southern Raiders where Zuko says “your sister” rather than “Katara” when asking Sokka about their mother.

There is absolutely nothing about this scene indicating that Zuko doesn’t know Katara’s name. The word choice is most likely to emphasize the sibling relationship between Katara and Sokka to explain both to Sokka and to the audience why Zuko sought him out specifically.

And think about it. Zuko has been hanging around 24/7 with them for probably two weeks at this point. There is no way he didn’t catch Katara’s name, if he didn’t already know it. And given how diligent he was in his Avatar hunting days, he most likely did already know it.

3) The pirate episode

Okay I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again…I’m so tired of people projecting some weird, creepy sexual undertones onto this episode. There was absolutely nothing abusive or misogynistic about the character interactions here. It was a very standard (and honestly a bit cheesy) example of a cartoon villain and hero interaction. The fact that you see a female character in any kind of distressed situation and immediately project sexual implications onto it is the real misogyny here. I never see people complain about similar scenes involving male characters:

I could dig up even more examples but can you see my point? The argument that there was any abuse or sexual misconduct on Zuko’s part this episode is absolutely misogyny—but it’s audience misogyny; not Zuko’s. The canon scene would have gone exactly the same way if Katara was male. The only difference would be much fewer disgusting sexual over-analyzations of it by fans.

4) “Little girls”

For this one, an important piece of context to keep in mind is that this script was written in 2005 by a creative staff of mostly men. So we need to ask the question, is this meant to reflect misogyny on Zuko’s part, it is it the bias of the writers?

Another prime example of this is Iroh’s interactions with Jun. Obviously, that was severely creepy behavior and absolutely misogynistic. However, most fans (including myself) tend to overlook that. Why? Because it’s jarringly inconsistent with the rest of Iroh’s character and his purpose within the narrative. In context, it’s pretty obviously something the writers thought was “funny” at the time but aged like rotten milk.

Also, in regards to sexist language during fights, consider all the stupid lines like…

Azula: Who are you? The Avatar’s fan girls?

Ty Lee: You are not prettier than we are.

…in the Kyoshi Warriors vs. Dangerous Ladies fight. Seems like this is just a writer bias issue, personally. When have men ever been normal about teenage girls? Right—never.

I get this is a slippery slope, so my approach is to compare Zuko’s lines like this to everything else we know about Zuko and ask the question: is there anything about Zuko’s character that indicates he views women as inherently inferior or lesser?

Well, no.

You know what is a trend for Zuko? He focuses on putting down his opponents by acting like they’re younger and weaker than him. His first reaction to Aang is “you’re just a child.” This is consistent with his attitude towards Katara and the Kyoshi Warriors. Zuko canonically treats male and female opponents no differently. He fights and moves on. No creepiness, nothing like Iroh and Jun, etc. If they were male, it wouldn’t have gone differently. That’s why I think it’s a reach to say these comments by themselves indicate a misogynistic attitude.

Besides, why would Zuko see women as weaker and lesser when this is who he grew up with?

That’s another thing. For as much anger and resentment Zuko harbors for Azula on the basis that she’s Ozai’s favorite and born lucky—not one comment is made about her sex. If Azula was male, nothing would inherently change about this dynamic. So yeah, I’m not really buying this whole “Zuko is a misogynistic incel” narrative. If you’ve ever dealt with incels in any capacity, you know they’d absolutely jump at the opportunity to whine that their (female) sister is so much more lucky and privileged and loved compared to them.

5) Zuko, Mai, and The Beach

I’m working on a longer analysis of this but to summarize…people on both sides blow this issue way out of proportion. Mai wasn’t abusive. Zuko wasn’t abusive. They were a pretty standard angsty teenage couple having angsty teenage drama. Zuko called Mai a big blah and shoved some dude into a vase. Mai told him he was out of control. That’s literally such a minor issue, that they resolved by the end of the episode.

But to dig into this more, consider the point this is in Zuko’s story. He’s at rock bottom. The premise of the entire episode is to show how abnormal and out of place Zuko feels among people who should be his peers. His issues with Ruon-Jian aren’t even about Mai to start. Zuko was beefing with this dude before the party even started, remember?

Why is Zuko mad at him? Because he’s making Zuko feel freakish. He’s making Zuko feel like he once again is an outcast, and Zuko hates that. He’s insecure. That’s…the point of the episode.

I’m not going to excuse his tantrum over Ruon-Jian talking to Mai, because that was toxic, but consider the context. Zuko isn’t some crazy possessive freak. In his mind, this is just icing on the cake, another example of why he’s an antisocial freak compared to other Fire Nation teens and he hates how it makes him feel.

But interestingly enough, I do think Mai and Zuko’s interactions in that scene give some insight into their dynamic and Zuko’s character—believe it or not, in a positive way. Just consider the context and body language.

I’m just stating facts here. Zuko is more physically threatening than Mai. He’s bigger, stronger, male, and he’s a firebender while she isn’t a bender. And yet, Mai has absolutely no trouble getting in his business to tell him off. Why? You can argue that it’s just because she thinks she could knife him—but we’ve seen how she reacts to an actual physical threat (Azula) and it isn’t like this at all. Mai is confident because she knows Zuko wouldn’t physically harm her. He’s angry, but he never once uses his figure to physically intimidate her. He clearly doesn’t make a habit of this behavior either judging from Mai’s reaction. Also think about the fact that the only physical altercation here is between Zuko and another man. The primary target of his anger isn’t the woman he’s allegedly acting possessive over unlike another character in the Ember Island Players and several comics…

Not to mention the way they reconcile around the fire. Zuko’s behavior doesn’t at all reflect an angry, entitled misogynist who thinks he owns his girlfriend. Quite the opposite. He clearly holds a lot of love and respect for her. It’s just that…this episode is literally displaying Zuko at his most tortured, his most self-hating, his most insecure as he realizes he no longer has a place in the home he’d desperately been chasing for years after being brutally mutilated and banished. With that in mind, I think he actually handled himself very well.

The thing about Zuko is that he takes accountability for his wrongs and works to improve himself. He has flaws and even when they’re understandable, he still takes responsibility for fixing them. That’s the trait of his that sets him apart from…certain other characters.

6) Zuko being rude to Ty Lee

Again, see above. Yes, Zuko was mean to her. But again, this is Zuko at rock bottom. This is Zuko venting his frustration about nobody being able to understand what he’s gone through and how isolated and freakish he feels. None of them had their faces burnt off in front of an audience. None of them were banished and forced to live as refugees. Zuko blew up at Ty Lee in the first place after she made a comment about bad skin.

Like yes, he’s rude, but did you miss the point of that episode? If you think this has anything to do with misogyny you’re just delusional, sorry. That interaction had nothing to do with Ty Lee being female. It had to do with her (and every other character that episode) living a privileged lifestyle while Zuko is (literally, too) feeling the weight of the scars his trauma has left him with.

So in conclusion, yes, I really think these takes are all shallow and unfounded jabs at Zuko’s character that either don’t understand or outright ignore critical parts of his development and story. And considering I’m #canceled for my based misandry in many circles, it should say a lot that I’m defending a man of any kind ✌️

[kokomos]

❂ 𝗗𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟

jessica riley relationship headcanons

+ Always so excited when she gets to see you! Runs up to you and traps you in a bear hug before giving you sloppy kisses on your cheeks.

+ Hates being away from you for long periods of time. She's a bit of a clingy girlfriend meaning she wants a lot of your free time to be spent with one another. Whenever you two are apart she's planning the next time she can see you, she can't help but miss you!

+ Constant physical affection is a must if you're dating her. She loves the reassurance she gets when you touch her. Her favorite is when you wrap an arm around her waist to get real close to her. Adores having your face in the crook of her neck.

+ Definitely treats your lap like her own personal throne; enjoys the feelings of your hands holding onto her hips and thighs.

+ Kind of like a puppy in love; she's quick to blindly follow her heart and it hurts her more often than not.

+ Feels compelled to do anything in her power to make your life easier ie. do the chores she knows you dread.

+ Since before you two even officially started dating, she's given you so many nicknames in passing that you're sure she can't even keep track of the ones assigned to you. Her go-to is the casual babe or baby. She also wouldn't mind if you called her princess every now and again.

+ She's always asking you questions about yourself. It's important to her that the both of you are knowledgeable on the topic of each other. It's something that makes her feel more close to you than anyone else.

  - "If you could do anything, like anything ever, for the rest of your life, what would you wanna do? By the way, you can say me, I wouldn't mind complying with that answer at all."

+ Quick with the comebacks. Be prepared to lose gracefully if you ever get into an argument with her because there's no way she's letting you win.

+ So playful with everyone but the most with you! She tries to live life somewhat lightheartedly believing that's what can bring her the most happiness.

+ Prefers to forgive and forget. Doesn't understand the whole idea of focusing so much energy onto someone in order to get revenge. If the opportunity presents itself that's another thing though!

+ She's an open book once she trusts you and it doesn't take a lot for her to put her trust in someone. Doesn't care about the risks involved with loving and losing someone, she sees it as a necessary part of life.

+ Big gossiper!! Constantly pulling you aside during an event to catch you up real quick on any updates with the drama. Please be enthusiastic/receptive while she's talking to you about this kind of stuff! She means no harm by it and stays positive about the people involved unless they've done something totally heinous.

  - "I need to tell you what I just found out about that girl and her boyfriend. So last weekend, when she was visiting family out of town…"

+ Says she needs your help to do her braids but really she can do them by herself in under five minutes. She'll take any chance she can to feel your fingers in her hair.

+ On days where she's feeling lazy, she makes you do her whole make-up routine. No mercy, she doesn't care if you guys sit there for hours, it needs to be done and it needs to be done right. She shows her gratuity with a shower of compliments and calculated kisses as to not mess up all your hard work.

  - "Oh my god, babe! You're so good at this, I should make you do my make-up every day. Kidding, don't worry."

+ Secretly insecure behind all that confidence. She can become pretty defensive in an argument with you, often lashing out because she feels threatened. What she really needs is reassurance that you're not attacking her, you just want resolution or to talk about the problem at its core.

+ Jess is the type of girlfriend that wants to be treated like a trophy wife… even without the ring.

— ♡☆

a/n: dedicated to the anon who requested :) i hope i did jess some justice!!

[idyllic-affections]

hi hello hey i am making a request!

i don’t think i’ve requested anything in a while but here i am!! can i ask for asta with a younger sibling!reader, maybe some found family with arlan sprinkled in? 👀

as always i love your work aph!!!

- ⭐️

the love of a sister.

summary. what would asta be like as an older sister?

trigger & content warnings. implied injury.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff, found family. asta & younger sibling!reader, arlan & reader. 0.5k words. they/them pronouns used for reader.

author's thoughts. YEAHHHHH my first hsr request comes from one of my lovely emoji anons 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 my hsr fic writer arc has begun.... i love asta and arlan they are so found family

oh, i just know asta is an overprotective, overbearing older sister. she means well, don't get me wrong! but she can most definitely be a bit... much. her love is boundless and she always wants her sibling to know just how much they mean to her. therefore, she can come across as very strong and passionate.

i think asta's younger sibling would take after her interest in the stars! as a child, asta's little sibling would follow her around like a little lost duckling and listen to her teach them about the universe with the widest, most curious little eyes.

had her family ever been critical of them, as they were to her, she would have been absolutely livid. her sibling is brilliant (just like their big sister 🫶)! talking down to them will not be tolerated. not as long as she's around. she argued in her own defense, so you had better believe she would argue in her sibling's defense, too.

with these things in mind, it's obvious that she would bring them to herta space station with her. she couldn't bear to be parted from them, anyway, so she would have been so happy that their interests are similar to hers.

just as arlan followed her, so did they.

if asta knows that she isn't going to have the time to watch them and hang out with them, she'll task arlan with watching them, even when her little sibling huffs and complains and insists that they don't need a "babysitter."

(a nasty encounter with the antimatter legion would prove that they do, in fact, need a babysitter. they'd try to convince arlan not to tell their sister about the danger they faced, but he does anyway. he thinks she has a right to know. he's apologetic about it though LMAO and asta? oh, asta's protectiveness increases tenfold after that incident.)

asta is generally quite busy, so arlan usually keeps them company. he eventually became become something of a permanent babysitter.

asta likely feels a bit bad that she doesn't often have freetime to spend with her sibling, so to make up for it, she's always buying them gifts!

it could be something they mentioned halfheartedly in conversation once, a fleeting comment about a cool device or an interesting book they heard about, and asta would get it for them, leaving it on their bedside table for them to find.

she would remember the little details like that. everything she does for them is very kind and thoughtful; it's easy to tell how much consideration goes into her gifts.

arlan would be something of a brother figure to them, i think. after spending so long with him, having known him since before their time at herta space station, it would be inevitable.

his smiles are generally a rare sight...

...but not for asta's little sibling.

he smiles a lot for them <3 around them, he is safe and comfortable and can let down his guard. of course, he's still alert. he needs to keep them protected, per asta's request... and also because the poor thing would never forgive himself if he let something happen to them. he loves them just about as much as asta does.

if they asked often enough, he would eventually cave in and teach them how to protect themselves, as long as asta approved.

^ i believe she would, albeit reluctantly. she trusts arlan! she knows he won't hurt them on purpose, that isn't what she's worried about or bothered by. it's just that it somehow makes her a little emotional to see her little sibling so grown up...

overall, asta is a very good big sister!

she has her faults, but really, doesn't everyone?

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[puppyie-innit]

about me :0

i am a child of God an a Christian, i am no longer afraid or hesitant to speak out about Him and say wat/who i believe in

pinky promises are the ultimate form of trust for me

i wholeheartedly 1000000% believe m a child

..i didnt hav a childhood

i rarely ever can properly answer the question “how old are you?” “yur __ yeh?” like i dunnoooo

i hate, with all my heart, disappointin people/makin em mad ;<

i am so young, my mind an heart is too. “you think like a kid!,” is the best compliment you can give me

i don’t think like the rest of the world, my mind is filled with innocence an therefore i am innocent.

I don’t understand the word “ love,” but i feel it in my own wholesome way.

im opposed to profanity, unhealthy romance, sexual stuff, an curse words, it triggers in me a dark kind of trauma

my heart is full of love, love to give, but i don’t believe i deserve it in return…

my favwrite color is RED!

if i like you, i WILL hug you!

if i love you, i will hug you even MORE, follow you everywhere, jump up and down, an wag my tail around you!!

i never understood the reason behind hygiene, so be prepared for lots of dirt, hehe :D

..ive never had or taken a baf before

if you want to make me happy, call me a good girl/puppy/kid

if i trust you, ill open up my heart around you. ill let you see the bad parts of me that i never let anyone get ahold of.

..i don’t think i deserve anythin good, but ill cling onto every good thing you hav to offer

oh yeh, m very clingy to

..an i get jealous easily

an i say m positive but m actually a rlly negative person…

i hold onto things that bother me, an don’t let em go

I don’t forget anythin.

i forgiv easily!

i look for the good in people, regardless if they hurt me or not

people say m loyal, i try my best to make it true

i hav clinical depression an anxiety, to the point where i wanna giv up often…

m a hard worker, an only take breaks when all my work is done, it doesn’t feel right otherwise

if i see you more than once a day i feel off, why would i deserve to see you more than one time?

i physically, genuinely, can’t say the t-word

i am naturally a ler, my bwain is a lee. >\\\<

i am NOT t-wordish at all defintwly not nupe!

..except when it comes to this idiot @jogabsha @jogabsha2

..my most sensitive spot is my tummy

i hav diagnosed autism, specifically azbergers

oh yeh, i also can’t spell…

sugar gets me HYPER

i rarely get sleep due to insomnia, but i rest sometimes

i believe m fat despite people telling me m skinny an thin an the “perfect weight.”

i struggle to eat, often only consumin 1-2 small meals a day.

i study the calories of everythin

my love language is physical touch, i will love you if you love me like this

i hav abandonment issues an hav lost many frens, mostly due to bullyin

i over-apologize for stuff that isn’t even my fault, profusely

m a sad person but also a happy person? it depends on if m slipped or not.. which is usually all the time. i sad slip tho too

m VERYYY sensitive, an wear my heart on my sleeve

i get panic attacks frequently

i cry a lot, an hav heavy eye bags

ive been told m a open book an very transparent

my favorite youtuber is tommyinnit, hence the username

i will do anythin an everythin for my big bruder!

[prouvaireafterdark]

Honestly, finding out that Marius and Armand were TOGETHER in the past in Practical ethics, I haven’t stopped thinking about it. I want to hurt Marius even more now.

Oh yeah, I've hinted at it a bunch of times, but kept it vague for a while on purpose 😭 Armand kind of shuts himself down and tries to change his thought pattern when he starts to think about it and a lot of his memories of it are fuzzy because of the trauma Marius gave him (which he still doesn't really acknowledge was trauma). I think Marius is the kind of Classicist who uses ancient Greek ideas about pederasty to justify his own creepy and gross behavior/desires and when Armand moved in with him after the cult cut him off, he was too young and naive to see through him. I also think when Armand went from an environment where he was horrifically abused most of the time to one where he was "only" horrifically abused some of the time, he was a lot more forgiving than perhaps most of us would have been toward Marius.

I don't think Armand really thinks about it as them being TOGETHER together though since Marius made him think having sex with him was a normal part of his Classical education. He definitely would label him as his former mentor rather than a former partner or something equivalent to that. I could say more about what happened in Venice and its fallout, but I may end up revealing/going into it in later chapters and I think it would be more impactful to read it that way.

I was initially going to let these things remain an implication because A) Armand is deeply traumatized in a thousand ways and cannot talk about what happened to him and B) I didn't want to give Marius' fuckery a ton of airtime (this was intended to be a Loustat fic first and foremost, after all), but given where the chapter was going it made sense to make that aspect of their prior relationship more explicit so the reader would understand how big a deal it is for Armand to open up his heart to Daniel and allow himself to be vulnerable around him. It's an incredible display of trust for him to do that.

tldr; yes Marius is trash and we will all be meeting him in the Denny's parking lot for a beatdown by the end of this fic lol

[arcplaysgames]

AWAY WE GOOOOO ROAD TRIP

But not before a check in with our buddy Chaz

OH OKAY SO YOUR BOSS IS AWARE YOU ARE HANGING WITH THE PHANTOM THIEVES. Cozying up to the Thieves was apparently Chaz's explicit mission.

Chaz, please don't betray me. I mean, I would forgive you because you're awesome and frankly betrayal is not even remotely the worst thing to happen to me in any of these games, but still. Would be uncool of you.

Honestly, I'm cool with it.

STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES, THERE IS A COOKING MINIGAME ASPECT TO THIS?

LOOK AT THIS FUCKING MENU, JOKER'S KITCHEN

oh my god. this game is already better than P5V, there is no more room for debate. we are there.

The first stop in the journey is Sendai, because Sophia smells a Jail nearby. So basically, accounting for the fact they stopped by a river to have lunch, this is probably the route they took.

Outside Utsunomiya is the Kinugawa River, which looks like the most likely option for them to stop at.

This was the moment when I dared to ask myself....... did they..... create and design and render multiple Japanese cities for this game? Not just, like, a few huge hub towns on the scale of Tokyo, but a lot of smaller environments to explore?

oh my god they did????? holy shit this is exactly what I wanted.

Okay okay so the team is in Sendai because potential Jail, but also Haru wants to try beef tongue and Yusuke wants to look at the shrine and statues.

The big statue of Date Masamune is covered in posters advertizing some reprint of a book. Not the twentieth anniversary, but the twentieth reissue of a book. Which, wow, that is a lot. That feels like a lot of reissues.

Before we can investigate more of what's up with the posters, the whole gang needs to eat.

Morgana is CRUELLY shoved into the bag so he may not partake in the beef tongue, so he's noisy about it and some Woman In Labcoat overhears and catches us out.

My god, is this lady related to Akechi because she is BEEEEEEIGE. She is like if dishwater blonde hair was a person, it's amazing. Like, no tea no shade, it just stands out.

Ann you are such a dogshit liar, it's kind of a relief you didn't go into acting, holy shit.

In this house we never resist an opportunity to have Reverie Vantas the Fifth meow. Catboy rights.

Alright, one: that's.... actually accurate to my understanding of the use of collagen as a supplement, that ingestion is too harsh of the molecules or whatever so the idea they will make it back into your body as collagen and not just the parts of what was once collagen is true to my knowledge. Most of the studies to the contrary seeeeem a little suspect given the beauty industry's inherent interest in making collagen into a profitable business.

Two, "cognition" huh.

Brown-haired researcher in a labcoat talking about cognition, huh.

anyone looking at Reverie and picking up on an "air of innocence" is, ah, lacking in observational skills. Your vibe check has failed, ma'am.

A BROWN-HAIRED RESEARCHER IN A LABCOAT TALKING ABOUT COGNITION WHO ALSO HANDS OUT TREATS WITHOUT PROVOCATION.

OOOOOOOH BEIGE ALERT. Cannot be trusted!

wtf image limit

[brazilian-whalien52]

Hi! I thought I'd send a message cause I know some people don't like open spoilers, but okay, so My Stand In. Just like what happens in general? Does Ming stay the worst? Does Joe ever grow a backbone? Did someone try to kill him and that's why his harness broke? Is Tong evil? I just need to know cause I am NOT vibing with Ming and I just need to know if I need to prepare for them to get together and be all ~cute~ while Joe is in Joe 2's body. Oh and that. Does Joe ever get his body back? Cause I assume it's been critter food for years. Does Joe 2 ever get his body back? I'm sorry, I just wanna know everything before I invest in this cause I really am not vibing with Ming. lol

Spoilers over what I can remember. It's been like 3 years maybe since I read it.

Okay. So Joe does end up forgiving Ming in his second life. It takes a long time for him to forgive him, but he does. What ming did in the novel during the first life was horrible. Basically, he does fall in love with Joe but Joe had already loose trust and knows about tong. So Joe ends up being invited to a movie instead of Tong (because Tong pissed the directors off), Sol is also casted to this movie. Ming does not want him to take part of the movie because he is jealous of Sol, while Tong does not want Joe working on that movie because he stole his place. Ming ends up locking joe up in the apartment to stop him from going to a screen reading so Joe looses his role. Joe thinks ming did this for tong (he was doing out of jealou) and that is why they break up and he goes to work in a low production movie in the mountains (where he dies). That is why he promises he will not get involved with Ming in his second life and tries to avoid him at all cost. I honestly think they are going to tone down this in the drama.

Tong is evil, it's the classic. He manipulates Ming because he knows about Ming feelings for him. Since ming family is rich, he uses his contacts for his acting career. In fact, he asks Ming to steal Joe role and find a way to give to him. He knew ming was liking Joe but didn't want to loose control over ming. Although by that point, Ming was already in love with Joe. But to him, having Ming is important because while ming sister Is rich, Ming is the heir and has way more power. Of course the novel kind blames everything in tong and have him as the final villain, so your hate transfers to him.

Joe does not get his body back, his body is truly dead and decomposing in those mountains. There is a great scene where we learn more about this. He does grow a backbone in his second life thou. Joe is a sweetheart but when he is done, he is done.

Ming is the typical obsessive Chinese protagonist. He has many faults like being possessive and a big asshole. I don't feel his redemption was that well earned, but dramas tend to smooth things a little so I am seated to see. I would say thou he does pay for what he did, because for two years Joe was dead partly because of him. So he does suffer a lot. Also, we could say it was more of case that Joe was missing, not even dead. But remembering the feelings over the novel, if I was Joe I would not forgive him (of course this is fiction, I read the novel for the angst anyway).

I would say the charm of the novel is unravel what happened to Joe. Why in his second life he is working so much to avoid ming. Seeing his feelings of pain over the broken relationship because ming was living with him, they had so many good memories but Joe discovers it was all a lie. I remember feeling the sadness every page, that knot in your throat.

[fanfic-inator795]

I was rewatching the "Stay Cool" ep of I Heart Arlo, and while the episode plot itself is pretty cliche and predictable, the episode itself is still pretty fun and fairly enjoyable - though my favorite part is definitely the ending.

You get to Arlo telling his dad about said yacht-sinking and Ansel not seeing an issue with it at first, saying how he often looks for those who "ask for forgiveness instead of permission" in his building managers. In a way, it kind of reminds me of the movie where he's giving Arlo advice that, while it may help him get ahead in the business world (a world Ansel is MUCH more familiar with than parenthood), isn't necessarily good advice in general.

Immediately Arlo is naturally confused, which prompts Ansel to kinda just be like "Oh right, I'm a dad now, gotta say something Dad-like", prompting him to try scolding Arlo, with his tone not sounding nearly as natural or as confident as it was prior (the vocal delivery and animation really sells this). But even if Ansel is still only acting stern and isn't actually mad or even that disappointed, it's still enough for Arlo to continue being super hard on himself, not necessarily needing Ansel or anyone else to tell him that he messed up big time. (and oof, you really do feel for him here...)

That then leads into Ansel fully realizing how distraught his son is and doing what any good parent should do in a situation like this: comfort and letting their kid know that mistakes don't erase love, and that things can be replaced. That the important thing is that Arlo is safe and that he still loves him no matter what (and all while an instrumental version of "In The Blue With You" plays in the background. Just, d'awwww!), ending things off with a hug and a quick joke about Arlo getting an allowance + the squid falling for the Ansel statue, lol.

Though, while I love this whole ending and how sweet it is, Arlo being so worried about disappointing or being hated by his dad (that bit where he says "Ansel" instead of "Dad" because he's "practicing for when he gets disowned". OOF) definitely hits a lot harder than the typical "my parent's gonna kill me!" jokes you see in TV shows when you remember that Arlo was literally abandoned by Ansel as a baby. Additionally, in the next episode, you briefly see Arlo admit that he still worries about one day disappointing Ansel.

If the show had more episodes, I have to wonder if the show would fully address these fears that Arlo has - to acknowledge that, while Arlo may have forgiven Ansel for everything and for as much as Ansel is trying to be there for him now, it isn't exactly easy for Arlo to just forget about how Ansel not only gave him up as a baby but also took forever to finally accept him. Even if he understands WHY Ansel struggled so much with accepting both his son and himself and how Ansel's backstory/trauma led to Ansel making decisions he regretted, Arlo was still impacted by these decisions and still felt the hurt in them.

While we got to see a few instances of Arlo and Ansel bonding with each other/Ansel learning to be a dad, we never really got to see these two have a full-on argument or fight. But if we DID, I have to wonder if the climax of it would be Arlo blurting out something about being abandoned again for not being the perfect son - something he would immediately regret, but also something that Ansel, for as hurt as he would be to hear it, would still understand.

Frankly, I would love to see a scene where these two have a heart-to-heart where Arlo admits that while he isn't mad at his dad, he still feels hurt and afraid. He loves his dad wholeheartedly and has loved getting to spend time with him and get to know him, but there's a small part of him that doesn't fully trust him just yet - and Ansel completely gets it, saying that he doesn't blame Arlo for not being able to just forget about his abandonment and, what's more, that while he's grateful for Arlo's forgiveness, he doesn't necessarily deserve the full forgive-and-forget treatment. "I spent years trying to make myself forget what I did, to make it easier on myself... It wasn't right then, and it wouldn't be right now."

And in the end, this missing trust is just accepted as one more thing they have to continue working on, with Ansel promising that he'll do - and keep doing - whatever he needs for Arlo to know that not only does he love him, but he won't ever turn his back on his son again, no matter what.

It's not a perfect solution by any means nor does it completely fix things, but they both agree that it's at the very least a good step forward ^v^

[scottxlogan]

Scogan/Scott Summers Comic Recs (Part 2)

Since I write way too much I’m going to put these in here for the anon who asked and link it back because I say way too much. That being said the continuation of my earlier recs are under the cut:

Avengers vs X-Men For the most part I consider this event a dumpster fire where they dumbed down every character to make their plan work...only it didn't. It was as if Marvel decided that it was time to make Scott a top villain in the Marvel Universe. They tried and failed completely in doing so, but they also pretty much ignored characterizations and friendships with EVERYONE in the comic to push the whole hero vs hero crap. It is not my favorite, but a lot of what happens after this event kind of shapes a lot of the talks, etc. after the event. Spoiler Alert (Don't read if you don't want to know): Basically the Phoenix Force is coming to earth again, Steve Rogers (who has been friends with Scott for a while now and trusts Scott's opinion on a lot of things) decides not to reach out to Scott for advice on the potential problem first even though he KNOWS Scott is an expert on the Phoenix and instead listens to Scott's bitter, jaded ex lover who is angry Scott didn't beg him to stay at the end of Schism or chase him in his need for space...er, I mean his ex-teammate Wolverine who has an obvious chip on his shoulder. Steve gets council from Logan, not taking Logan's bitterness into consideration and goes to the island where Scott's X-Men live and starts making some ridiculous demands of Scott. A fight breaks out after that, the teams act like idiots fighting each other instead of working together, I found myself taking two plus years to like Steve again after this event (which I swear I really do. I like Steve a lot now but was so angry with him for not using his brain and common sense in having a rational discussion with Scott before all the stupidity followed). The fighting leads to more drama. Tony comes up with a plan to stop the Phoenix Force from destroying the world. It fails. The Phoenix Force gets split into 5 and Scott, Emma, Namor, Magik and Colossus end up getting pieces of it. They all slowly get corrupted by it except for Scott, who is the last one to hold onto it. Namor does some really bad stuff to Wakanda (yet T'Challa forgives him and hates on his wife Storm, who had no part of it and treats her really bad, which I have to say here thank you to Chadwick Boseman for making me love T'Challa because after AvX I was really angry with him in the comics for how he treated Storm) and Namor is later welcomed back into the fold with open arms. Flash forward to Scott and Emma being the only ones with Phoenix powers. Emma gets corrupted. The entire Marvel hero roster decides to attack Scott who takes Emma's piece of the PF, becomes ultra powerful and is then attacked by everyone including Charles, who has systematically abused the poor kid since the beginning (i.e. erasing his memories, training him to be a child soldier, etc.). Scott kills Charles in self defense (which I'm sorry but it was) and then everyone in the universe hates him, acts like he's the worst villain ever and puts him in a corrupt prison where mutants are being tortured/murdered and somehow Steve is okay with that (yeah okay :rolling eyes:) but basically this crap show ends with Charles dying and Scott being enemy number one for defending himself against an attack. Before he was attacked his big 'power display' was you know feeding the hungry, bringing water back to rivers that ran dry and helping people, but Charles and the others decided he shouldn't be playing God like that and decide to attack him, which you know totally makes sense and then Charles dies and suddenly Scott's the worst person alive...oh the rage it still ignites in me lol. This was the motivation for Hank in All New X-Men to bring the teens back to the future to in my opinion torture teen Scott because his jerk self didn't get the chance to do it to adult Scott, who no longer lets Hank's hypocrisy tear him down, but yeah...lol It's a rough read and one I really didn't enjoy at all, but it dictates the next few years of Scott's a fugitive of the law, etc. Oh and at the end of the day through all that was happening Scott was doing what he did because his son Cable told him not to trust the Avengers and that Hope (Scott's granddaughter) would be the one to save them since Wanda (in a grief episode) pretty much wiped out the mutant population and Scott was struggling to save his people. Big stakes, high risk and guess what...Hope and Wanda did save them and found a way to use the PF to bring about new mutants into the world, but sigh...so much wrong with this one but it's such a big part of their stuff that followed though most of us want to forget.

Avengers vs X-Men Consequences This was a mini that really explored the aftermath of the dumpster fire mentioned above. There's a lot about it that makes you angry, but also gives you thought towards what could come next. Scott's goal for so long was saving the world and now that he has and he was right and did what he was hoping to do, he's in jail accepting his fate ready to die (note: there's some suicidal triggers/depression there and at one point he tries to goad Logan into murdering him instead of dying at the hands of the sadistic prison guards. It's all very poignant and heart breaking and damn...it totally kills you on so many levels). There's also a bit where Scott and Tony work together to figure out what went wrong in Tony's plan, which I'll be honest that was probably my favorite part with Scott and Tony working together in prison. In prison bad stuff happens, Scott finds a purpose in his life and he works towards saving mutants again. It's still flawed, but has some stuff worth seeing. Wolverine and the X-Men Vol. 1 #40 A lot of people liked Jason Aaron’s series about Logan. I didn’t, but I did like the one issue where the guys team up together, fight some sentinels and drink some beer together. It’s a good moment for them where there are shades of them coming together again down the road. Death of Wolverine: Life after Logan: This is a mini with people responding to Logan dying. Scott’s tribute to Logan is heartbreaking and really cements their deep bond in the push and pull between them through the years. Uncanny X-Men (2018-2019) Start with #11. Scott is back and trying to save his people. This is the comic that got me back into buying comics again. It doesn’t have the most solid of endings, but it brings Scott/Logan back to working together and gives some great stuff where they are reunited and picking up where they left off with one another. You can feel the shades of love and concern for each other, but most of all, it was a great lead in to them building up to them being together in the poly ship with Jean. Granted Marvel likes to ignore the Scott/Logan dynamic but this comic has a domestic vibe with them even with their bickering and all else. It was good and made my Scogan loving heart so happy to see them together again lol. X-Men (Hickman’s run) The comic run before the current X-Men comic was a nice introduction to life in Krakoa and gave a few moments here and there with Scott/Logan. There were little things along the way but it was nice to see them allowing Scott/Logan to be together even with Jean involved. It was nice. Now the only time you really see them together is in other comics where they aren’t the main focus, but it’s clear they are together which is great. So yeah those are a few to get you started. I hope this helps at least a little bit and doesn’t confuse you. If you have any comic questions, on where to look at them, etc. please feel free to drop me a note and I’ll guide you in the right direction. My archive has a lot of featured comic moments and I tried to put issues/comic names on them when I was posting them for a while, so I hope that helps. Thanks for your great ask and hopefully I haven’t talked you out of researching the comics and exploring lol.

[lord-shitbox]

ok whole ask game have fun

SPOILERS! readmore cos its long

Favorite main 6 omori character?

Hero :)

Favorite side character?

Brett, the ankylosaur cashier at dino's dig. fishboy also

favorite songs from the OST?

All the deeper well OSTs, Bready steady go, GOLDENVENGEANCE, dear little brother, it means everything, world's end valentine are Most of them i think....big fan of carrot113's remixes

favorite bosses?

i like spaceboy/boyfriend/exboyfriend/husband/exhusband. and mutantheart

favorite photos from Basil's album?

picnic one is good

Favorite area in headspace?

orange oasis & deeper well

favorite area in black space (1 or 2)?

the watermelon & mewo rooms are messed up. <3 just realized i didnt go into black space 2 actually..

favorite area in faraway town?

didn't poke around in here very much tbh. basils house is pretty cool

do you prefer headspace, black space, or the real world? why

black space fucks severely

favorite omori ships (if any)?

not super into omori shipping. kel/sunny fanart is usually pretty swag tho

do you kin any of the characters? who?

no i gender envy hero tho

favorite route & ending of the game?

true route/ending

any headcanons?

mm i think sunny actually didn't want the violin his friends got him & eventually broke it in frustration, which is what caused his fight with mari at the top of the stairs

(citations: the "present" item in the game inflicts Angry ("it's not what you wanted...") & in one of the lost library scenes sunny is upset he has to miss out on saturday morning cartoon time to practice, + the broken violin at the bottom of the stairs before their fight)

favorite moment in the game?

memory lane was pretty cool. + black space watermelon. i like the messed up stuff

What stood out to you the most?

hero's "you have to trust that we'll forgive you" line

favorite in-game items, skills, or moves?

veggie kid charm is cute. I like combining kel's Tickle with omori's Red Hands & aubrey's headbutt/beatdown/last resort

favorite boss fight?

humphrey is creepy. it got to me the first time so it's very good

most annoying part of the game?

rerunning it for achievements...actually finding berly's ball was hard screw that shit

what do you dislike about omori?

took me a while to figure out how to figure out where to go/what to do. isnt always easy to figure out how to start a new day either

something you wish was different in the game?

i dont tend to think of these kinds of things

if you could change something about the game, what would it be?

nothing in particular. id like an "ignore all minor enemies" mode to just blast through areas if ive got somewhere to be but it takes some of the point away

what was your initial reaction to the true/good ending?

oh boy

to be real my initial reactions are always dimmed it takes me several hours to process anything

what was your initial reaction to the bad/neutral endings?

underwhelmed, ngl

scene in the game that scared you the most?

see below i think. i enjoyed it greatly

what do you think is the scariest thing/event in the game?

the hands cat in marina's area of humphrey (experiment 667)

do you own any omori merchandise

nope

How did playing omori change you (if it did)?

hmm..i think my perspective has been expanded. really liked the nonsensical aspects of the game

Have you made any new friends after playing the game?

a little! got closer with an ig mutual who likes it

has playing omori introduced you to new games or hobbies?

very vaguely. theres a sort of "if you like undertale youll like omori" attitude that finally got me to try it

why is omori special to you?

has a lot of the things i like. good ost, visually interesting & appealing, surreal/nonsensical elements, funny, fucked up shit, scary shit, plants, dinosaurs

do you want to high-five Kel?

don't see why i wouldn't

[lumilasi]

I meant to include these on their bios (which I will) but also wanted to post them separately. (Click for full view)

Relationship charts of sorts about the most significant people for the Belmont siblings. (not in any sort of order, more based on how much space I needed for the texts for each). Rouna has no image, because my friend is no longer happy with her design. (Rouna & Youko are my friend's characters) I will add her image to these once I got the up-to-date design.

.....I lowkey wanna do this with all my characters now oh no

texts below in case you can't read em/some minor extra notes that didn't fit in the images:

Image 1: Franziska:

ANGUS: Franziska’s big brother whom she loves dearly. She is deathly afraid of losing him again, because she was already led to believe so once. Very forgiving of anything sinister he does to others for the most part, mainly due to her demonic infection corrupting her as well. (She was kinder/more moral person in the past)

AMALIA: A woman who worked as her mentor during the first of her Bounty Hunter years. Franziska has a lot of respect for Amalia and sees her as sort of a parental figure. Amalia is fond of Franziska as her former pupil, but ultimately she is just another useful tool for her. (Franziska doesn't know how little Amalia actually cares for her, something that plays an important part in her full story close to the end basically)

KUJAKU: A young, newest recruit for Amalia, Franziska acts as a sort of big sister figure for her, and the two get along well. Kujaku looks up to Franziska as the more experienced one, and often gushes over how cool she is.

BELLADONNA: Her brother’s “boss”/companion for his research. Franziska remains polite and friendly towards her on the surface, but is very cautious due to knowing Angus despises her to an extent at this point. She tends to work as the mediator to diffuse any arguments between the two the best she can, worried Angus could get hurt. (Franziska isn't fully aware of how powerful her brother truly is RN)

ROUNA: A Chimera woman her brother has a physical relationship with. Franziska tries to be friendly with her, but is sometimes a little jealous (mostly in a harmless, kind of funny way) over having to share her brother’s attention. (with an adult, she doesn’t mind kids)

YOUKO: A young Chimera she often interacts with, because of her brother’s relationship with Youko’s guardian and aunt, Rouna. She finds the kid very funny & cute, Youko often pouts at her over random things, calling her “cat of Doom”.

Image 2: Angus:

FRANZISKA: Angus' little sister. They are close and protective over one another. Majority of the sinister things Angus did in the past was for her sake, and her wellbeing still goes above all else, even his own. The only person he tends to let close to him, without permission needed first.

HANZOKU: The source of Angus' powers, the leader of their group. Angus has a mutually respectful relationship with the rogue Soul Reaper spirit, but knows not to fully trust him.

BELLADONNA: A forest witch he worked together with to study his powers. (she's still his "boss" and works under her, though she basically can't really tell him what to do lol) Initially they had a neutral, mostly positive relationship, but after she turned her son into a Shadow-Wisp to protect herself from his (justified) wrath, Angus lost most of his respect for her, finding her actions cowardly.

KONJOU: Son of Belladonna. Angus acted as a foster father figure to him. He didn't approve what Belladonna did to the boy, and still openly shows his distaste towards her actions. In truth, he is also partially responsible for Konjou's suffering due to lack of action from his part and Angus does somewhat regret this in hindsight.

CHOUMA: A corrupted moth spirit who is attracted to him. Angus sees him as his favorite "pet" of sorts, and takes good care of his well being. he is aware of the power imbalance between them, so contrary to rumors he typically refuses Chouma's advances, and only let's him seek emotional comfort/medicinal help from him. (basically he'll let Chouma rest against him if he's had a flashback, and might pet his head for example)

ROUNA: A Chimera woman of equally intelligent measure, she develops a physical relationship with Angus that sometimes borders on romantic, or more accurately (Angus is Aromantic) some type of emotional bond as well. He still tends to keep her at arms length to an extend, figuratively speaking.

[littleapocalypsekitten]

Part the second, as I wanted to start off with forgiveness of the other. Forgiveness of the self. Again, old lady talking, listen ya whippersnappers! So, back in the mid 1990s, when I was a young teenager, I was hit with a sudden bout of The Religion. I was anxious about and unsure of my future and also of THE future since we were on the cusp of the Millennium, which everyone made a big deal of at the time. I started watching a lot of religious TV and did that responding to the Gospel thing. I cannot say I actually regret it because my spiritual life has been interesting and I still dig Jesus-philosophy. Turned out that I'm the type of Christian you get when you get one who is an actual bookworm and will READ the Bible instead of just listening to preachers. (Progressive now, and kind of agnostic, kind of animist and hasn't been to church in over a decade, please put down your rocks here on tumblr.com). I mostly value my hyper-religious past insomuch as it helps me in understanding certain aspects of American culture and politics that I think a lot of outsiders find frustrating and bizarre. I have the perspective of an American ex-evangelical (enabling me to tell you WHY people in our politics are crazy). Well, since I went to the little Baptist church that I could walk to after my conversion-event (naturally), well... I got a head full of Southern Baptist doctrine, and let's just say... Southern Baptists and the LGBTQ+ community did not mix. This is putting it charitably. Add to that both the emergence of LGBTQ+ identity in the public eye in America and traditional bigotry in society, especially back then, and well... (Back then and today are like night and day, trust me). My early days on ye olde Internet consisted of me encountering people outside of my little rural physical life circle and fearing for their souls because I didn't understand their oh so lustful sexual choices and I really did think it was a choice and a choice to sin and an active rebellion against God, so on and so forth - and that I needed to preach to people to keep them from going to Hell. I no longer believe in Hell - a reckoning perhaps (I cannot see Adolph Hitler or Donald Trump getting a free pass), but that eternal torment stuff? Not for me - no logic in it, and I don't really care "what the Bible says" anymore after learning that it's been through more translations from the original concepts and language than a multiple-bablefish game and is like a game of Telephone. I also no longer believe that being gay is sinful and I feel very stupid for ever having had and EXTREMELY remorseful for people I harassed over it in trying to "save their souls." Ugh.... And, you know what? I figured out some of my underlying problem. Ignorance. Turns out I was put off by thoughts of sex and people's potential sexual behavior because... GUESS WHAT? Turns out I'm not straight. I learned of the term "asexual" in my late 20s and Oh, my God, it explained EVERYTHING about me! I seriously was self-condemning and thought of myself as "just weird." I wondered why I didn't have the "temptation" that my church friends warned me about "when I'd find the right man." Abstinence wasn't as hard for me as they said it would be. I truly did not understand the attraction and identity of others. (And I'm the kind of person who'd be on the outs with much of the evangelical crowd, too). And, it's like... I get it now? To a degree? The same thing applies as applies to my brother above: Forgive, but do not forget. I cannot help my past. I was an asshole. I was an Asshole for Jesus for a while. But, you know what? I've done a whole lot of Losing my Religion. (I'm not an atheist so some people would think I'm not "fully there" yet, but screw 'em. Everyone's gotta walk their own path. If mine leads to "still likes generalised spiritual things but without organized religion" so be it). The point is I am going forward. The past is unchanegable, but hating myself isn't going to do anything about it.

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

[wingstobetorn]

So I’ve watched a couple of episodes of rottmnt before, and I don’t know a lot about Leo and Mikey(because I was busy focusing on Raph and Donnie) so could you explain to me what these two are like and why you like them?

Okay so

Leonardo is usually the oldest one out of his brothers and the fearless leader in the TMNT franchise, who often gets referred to as Splinter Junior.

BUT,

This is not the case for Rise! This Leonardo is a unique case from the rest! If you watch literally any of the other series (or movies) you will definitely see a big difference with him and his counterparts! First of all, Leonardo is neither the oldest or the leader (for most of the series anyway) so this gives him more room to do what he wants without all that responsibility (which is on Raphs shoulders)

Leonardo is the confident one who likes to joke around, he's the face-man of the crew! But whats a face-man without his smashy guy, his brainy guy and his guy who eats peanut butter with his fingers? Leo wears a mask in more than one way. We see multiple times how low his self-esteem is. How much he would sacrifice for his family. How much he feels like he doesn't matter in the movie.

Leo is shown multiple times to know more about his family than they do about him! He's underestimated because why would Leonardo take this seriously? He's the class clown of the group! We can't trust him with anything! Except that they can. Raph realizes this too during s2.

And despite Leonardo not being the leader for the majority of the show (the very end of s2 and the movie) Leo is leader material and this is not a decision made out of nowhere. He uplifts his brothers so many times throughout the show. He is shown to be more competent as a leader than Raph is. Inspite of his goofiness, Leo is the voice of reason among his brothers. Leonardo was chosen as the leader for a reason, and when you think about it it feels earned, unlike Raph who really just made himself the leader. (This is not a jab towards Raph at all! I'm just stating something intentional by the writers! We have also seen in other iterations how Raph would do as a leader and we know why Leo is the more suitable leader)

And Mikey! Oh this will be shorter than Leo's part but I love Mikey so much!

Mikey is the little brother of the group, but he does not like being babied, which we see in the episode we meet Cassandra... Who is another favorite of mine but I'll talk about her some other time. Mikey is as capable as his brothers, if not even more capable.

He is kind and empathetic, and he's not an angry person, but he's not soft either. Multiple times Mikey isn't afraid to stand up to people and tell it like it is. (Raphael being afraid to upset the chef and Michelangelo doing it for him) (“I'm usually a peaceful turtle but you destroyed my favorite thing in the world...! You will feel pain!”)

Mikey is also forgiving as hell, which is shown in his s2 interactions with Baron Draxum, who becomes a father figure. (Despite his family reasonably not liking Baron, Mikey still wanted to believe he could do better)

Mikey can get disregarded by the fandom sometimes and even treated as weak which is... ridiculous, because are we talking about the same guy? The same guy who THREW A FUCKING BUILDING?? The same guy who just wanted to save his brother, so he kept on doing the thing that could have KILLED HIM and DID IN ANOTHER TIMELINE??? People who underestimate Mikey forget that he's the strongest one out of them all. Even with Raph's strength, Donnie's tech, and Leo's... Leo-ness, Mikey is the glue holding them all together. And I think this is the case for most TMNT Iterations too.

[artichow]

Also please talk about sho and madoka. Please please please madoka thoughts

YES I WILL

Oh my god... Shoyo's the weird looking cat outside that Madoka lets in and gives a bath too because what the hell is up with it why does it look like that why's it not blinking <3

Madoka's one of the first people showing a great deal of generosity and compassion to Shoyo right after her introduction. She gives her the bed where Gingka and Kyoya were when they were hurt/sick because when they turned up Sho was kind of delirious with a fever. And like I imagine Madoka having so many question for this strange kid of Gingka's age turning up out of nowhere and just being so cryptid like. And ngl, after Shoyo tells them where she comes from she has a moment of like... okay maybe we shouldn't trust her. Which to Shoyo is completely fair, they're already incredibly flabberghasted by all Madoka did for them, cooking and taking care of her?? a stranger?? Does not make sense in her brain yet. But then Gingka forgives Shoyo and gives them his trust almost immediately. After that, Madoka feels a little weird sharing a space with someone who was from the ennemy's side, but it goes away very quickly. After that Shoyo insists on not staying at Madoka's cause it's too awkward for them and doesn't want to bother or owe her anything, but she loses that argument cause it's Madoka :). So shoyo and Gingka get some time living together before they become siblings :D

Shoyo learns a little about the domestic, almost normal life. It feels weird but not necessarily wrong. Madoka is happy that her home can welcome her friends. She teaches and shares tips about mechanics with the both of them quite often and they spend nice quiet evenings together while she works. Anyway I love Madoka <3 did so much for my child thanks Madoka. Also after that Madoka kind of keeps Sho in check, in a nice way like she helps by telling her when she sould not have said that thing that was too harsh. They both struggle with social cues or hurting feelings by accident so it's something they feel compelled to help the other the best they can. Shoyo tries to return the many favors she feels Madoka does for her, clumsily trying to prepare a meal, handing her a tool or bey part so she doesnt have to get up, or putting a blanket on her when she falls asleep at her desk. Somehow being thoughtful seems to become a little easier every day.

It's still uncomfortable, for Shoyo, but they still become friends and I feel that Madoka was an essential actress in Shoyo's development really <3 cause she chose kindness before anything else. Also Sho would absolutely throw little mechanic tools at Gingka (he's being annoying it's fine) under Madoka's order, or lift heavy things for her too. And once Shoyo learns more about different types of affections, like after she gets a gift from Kenta or Hyoma for example, one of the first gifts she gives is to Madoka. Gift giving becomes one of her favorite ways to show care so Madoka gets a lot of small little rocks that Shoyo found pretty and she puts them all in a designated jar at her desk.

I don't have a lot of interaction ideas for after fusion between them but just know they are very close and Shoyo respects Madoka so much and will always be very grateful for taking her in at the very beginning of this big ol adventure. And also Since Sho needs new clothing after Fusion, Madoka gives her a B-Pit merch t-shirt she has laying around and Shoyo loves it. She's gonna keep it forever (ignore the fact she changes clothes the next season and everytime after, that's just a me thing <3) And on her shogun steel design i added a little patch she sewed on their sweater of the B-Pit too, cause they're a hagane now and they all got that logo somewhere on their designs so yeah :D

[nokingsonlyfooles]

OK! The current brain condition is +/-15 hours away from a dose, taken before bed with food and no chocolate this time. Well I did have cake for dessert so probably non-zero chocolate in the system, but just cocoa powder. So let's keep talking about things!

The anxiety is definitely up and down based on context. Stuff that I'm used to doing, like a long stint of creativity, is making me feel unsteady and weird. The parts of the process that are challenging (like starting tasks) are offering me less or a different kind of resistance, and it feels like I'm gonna fall and break. I think it's most evident in talking out loud. That feels easier, and I do NOT trust that. Like: oh, God, why do I have all these words now, I'm going to pick the wrong ones! It's as if someone replaced my stick shift with an automatic and I've never driven one of those. I need to pop the clutch or I'll grind the gears! Where's the clutch?!?

Or maybe it's like going from a bumper car to an actual car? This thing has the ability to veer into traffic and really hurt me or someone else! Put me back in the limited machine that bangs me into walls all the time, I'm used to it! I mean, that sucks and gives me anxiety, too, but being used to it seems to make up for a lot. I can probably learn to drive, but... Wow, I put off actual driving for so long due to anxiety. I quit trying to learn a bunch of times. I hope it won't be like that.

Adding chocolate and other things to the dose is called stacking, and it's based in folk knowledge. It's real hard to do research with "illegal drugs" so I'm willing to forgive a lack of specific studies for the moment. If I start seeing a lot of research that says it's BS, I'll adjust. Until then, mushrooms have had a place in folk medicine for a long time and I'll try their suggestions, even without data on what works and why. I might do better with less or no chocolate, but three doses isn't much for a sample size. I'm still throwing things at the wall to see what sticks.

I think some of the side effects are down to the fact that I've got more than one weird thing going on. When the spouse read that thing about not hearing the music, he said that's kinda how it works for him. He's also on the autism spectrum, but they'd label him as higher functioning than me, and he doesn't test ADHD positive. I used to perceive everything coming at me all the time, but right now, when I see something interesting, the other stuff is, like, GONE. It's there, but it's gone. I don't know how else to express that! It's weird and I'm not used to it!

I also think I'm gonna be an every-other-day type person, if I stick with it. In the last few hours, I really start to lose traction, and going back to normal (normal for me) feels like a rubber band snapping back and hitting me in the face. Like, maybe even less functional than usual. Last night, putting dinner away, I froze up because I couldn't fit two slices of loaf in one container and if I couldn't fit two slices, we wouldn't have enough containers, and that's as far as I got. I just yelled "I don't know what to do!" while laughing at the absurdity.

The spouse came in and said we could just put one slice in every container. "Noooo," I said, still laughing. I could already see what he was gonna do. "That's not the same color! There's not enough!" He pulled down the container that was a different size and colour and I was like, "What is wrong with you? I can't deal with this! I can't watch this! I have to leave!" Still exaggerating to be silly, but I don't think I could've put food away in that wrong-colour container if I had to. I would've put everything back in the pan or just walked away, like, "Actually, we don't need leftovers." That's where my brain was, and that feels so dumb now.

Oh, God. Oh, Jesus Christ. That container that's the wrong colour would've fit two slices. It's big enough. We could've put two slices in one big container, and one slice in two small containers, and that's the smart thing because it takes up less room and uses fewer dishes... WTF. NEITHER of us saw that? AND NOW I DO?? I think he got locked into "one slice per container" like I got locked into "these containers are for the loaf." Or maybe he was distracted because I scared him by getting less functional so fast like that. (Sorry, babe!)

Ya know, any post where I talk about this is just gonna be long as hell because I'm having complex revelations in realtime. Am I even remembering that right? *wanders off to check fridge* Yes. Yes I am. I couldn't see it before, now I do. I have become slightly less stupid about how to put meatloaf away. I can't fix it now, but it's interesting. I could just be like this, huh? As long as the drugs hold out, and I could grow my own if I had to.

My brain now has two modes like my US/CAN keyboard! I get to pick one! Toggling back and forth is uncomfortable, but we'll see how it changes as I adjust. Gonna be a weird couple of months!

How D'ya Like THEM Apples?

So, trying the decriminalized mushrooms in tiny doses for the ADHD (because, in my particular situation, going to a doctor for this might be hazardous to my health in general). The first time I took them before bed, with chocolate, and that upset my stomach a little so I decided to take them with breakfast like they suggested in the instructions (not really a breakfast person). Not an improvement, they upset my stomach more and made me anxious all day yesterday. Can't know if I'm getting used to them or I need to figure out the best way to take them.

Still slightly anxious today, but able to roll with it.

So, here's the deal. A while back, the spouse and I discussed what the prompt "imagine an apple" gets you, in your brain. He can imagine an apple at will. I found out, I can't. I need context. What's it for? Do you want my culture's Platonic ideal of "apple" or are you going to the store and you need to know what's a good one to buy? Do I need to get taste and texture involved here or is it more like set dressing? With some context, I can kinda get you an apple, but it's indistinct.

And I thought, "Ahaaa! That's that 'imagination deficit' they want to see to diagnose the autism. That's what that is! I can't cough up unlimited specific apples without specific contexts for each one, and even then it's not so good!"

But, after that first microdose, while heading off to sleep, I thought to myself, to pass the time, "Hey, wonder if I can imagine an apple any better?" And, uh, I COULD? Unlimited specific apples, no context. I mentioned that to the spouse, and he said, "Can you still do it now?" And, yes. Yes I can. +/-36 hours away from the second tiny dose of mushroom, and I can give you unlimited specific apples, if you need me to imagine that for some reason.

And... It kinda feels nonsensical that I couldn't do that before? Yeah, apples. There's lots. Just pick one. But I know I couldn't. Not even for the sake of a person who would be satisfied with any imaginary apple. Like, I could imagine the shittiest apple and that would be fine, it would be a judgment free zone! But I remember I couldn't do it. I needed a better prompt.

That thing with the apples is not something I've heard about for ADHD, but I did just barely get an internet diagnosis on that (thanks, @kithpendragon), and I only ordered the stuff because my THC vendor has it. I need the THC to keep from waking up from the edge of sleep with a gasp and heart palpitations, fearing to be harmed. If you spend $200 and stock up, they send you more THC as a surprise! That's a good deal! I like not having panic attacks! For months at a time! I'm not liking the stomach ache and anxiety from the mushrooms, but this thing with the apples makes me feel functional and cool. I don't wanna lose that!

I'm kinda concerned I'm gonna end up doing a real Flowers for Algernon here if I can't tolerate the mushrooms, or they go illegal again because politics. Like, I'm not sure how well the brain differences will play with my creativity and productivity. I need to draw things and go shopping and make dinner, ya know? Lots of different stuff. I seem to be able to do laundry and write a long-ass Tumblr post, but I need long-term data on that. In any case, five days a week is the maximum recommended dose and I gotta take breaks or I'll build up a tolerance.

I may end up looking forward to my meds like that one Tumblrite in my feed the other day, even if they make my stomach hurt! Or I may end up trading one kind of imagination for another and going back and forth indefinitely. I'd prefer the former, but I gotta wait and see.😅