#oh I can make is meaner have some baby cows

[roseofhybrids]

"Just look at the baby cows Uz- No, I know there's not any but just like, imagine that there's- ignore the gun, don't worry about the gun just imagine baby cows-"

Completely hypothetically

[taes--suga--kookies]

Spirit Week

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Warnings: Mild swearing

Word Count: 2179

Genre: Angst with a fluffy ending

~Admin D

Saying ‘Kim Taehyung’ was like vinegar on your tongue. Even hearing ‘Kim Taehyung’ was like someone had just stabbed at your ears. Seeing him was like someone taking a razor blade to your eyeballs. Needless to say, you despised his existence. At least, during spirit week, you did. During any other time of the school year, you got along very well. You even had a small crush on him. But you and him during spirit week were like two countries at war, neither of you backing down from the fight.

For each spirit week, they had a winner for the most spirited and it was either you or him. Your rivalry had started during freshman year when you almost won, but he overdid the theme the last day, earning people’s favor of him. It made your blood boil when he took your crown. The next spirit weeks were battles between you two, seeing who could outdo the other.

The theme for this week was vs week. You smiled when you heard about it, planning to do the opposite of Taehyung each day.

Monday was cowboy vs rockstar. You knew Taehyung enough to know he picked rockstar, so you dressed as a cowboy, even going as far as to get a little sheriff badge pinned on your shirt and gun holsters on your hips(with no guns though, since the school wouldn’t allow it).

You walked into the school building, smiling as people nodded at you in approval for your spirit. That smile dropped when you saw Taehyung, dressed in a cowboy outfit. You frowned, you thought he would be a rockstar. When he turned his head towards you, his smile dropped, too.

You both walked up to each other and crossed your arms over your chest.

“What do you think you’re doing, Taehyung?” You asked him bitterly.

“I’m dressed as a cowboy. What are you doing?” He squinted his eyes at you in displeasure.

“I’m dressed as a cowboy, too.” You glared at him. “I thought you were going to be a rocker, so I went with cowboy.”

“Well, I thought you were going to be a rockstar.” He crossed his arms over his chest, matching you.

“Well, I’m not, as you can clearly see.” You rolled your eyes.

“Whatever. I’m still better dressed than you, anyways.”

“Oh, please. My grandma can pull off a better cowboy outfit than that…thing you have on.” You looked him up and down in disgust.

“Actually, that’s where I got the outfit. See, these cow prints had to come from somewhere.” He smiled cockily.

“Are you calling my grandma a cow?” Your hands curled into fists.

“(Y/N), come on. It isn’t worth it.” One of your friends pulled you away from Taehyung after seeing your red face in anger.

“I just hate him.” You groaned.

“Yeah, I know.” Your friend sighed.

The following day was nerd vs jock. You thought that since Taehyung thought you would choose opposite of him now, that he would choose the one he wanted, which was jock, so you went nerd. You had on suspenders and big nerdy glasses and even went as far as to get a nerdy looking book bag to carry.

You walked into school, relaxing at everyone nodding at you again. As you continued walking, your shoulder was pulled back by someone. You turned around to see Taehyung. He looked like a severe nerd, the same as you.

“Dammit, Taehyung!” You shouted as you saw him. “I thought you were going to be a jock!”

“Well, I thought you were too! I figured you were thinking that I wanted to go jock, but wanted to be opposite of what I actually wanted.” He explained.

“Well, we were both wrong, yet again.” You mumbled the last part to yourself.

“Whatever. I don’t even care about being the opposite of you anymore.” He sighed.

“Fine with me, because either way, I’ll still win.” You retorted.

“In your dreams.” He smiled cockily.

“Don’t get your hopes up, Taehyung, I’m only going to destroy them.” You smirked as you walked away.

The day after that was punk vs rapper and you went with punk. You put on a black band tee, a leather jacket, ripped black jeans, combat boots and tied a flannel around your waist along with putting on tons of bracelets. You had even gone as far as to put spray hair dye in your hair and fake gauges and piercings to complete the look to look more like a punk.

You went to school and had a few people staring at you for the new look. Taehyung waited for you by the doors and started walking with you.

“Are you supposed to be a punk or did you get thrown up on by Hot Topic?” Taehyung smirked at you. He went as a rapper today. He had a bandana tied around his forehead, a oversized tee shirt with holes in it and baggy jeans that were sagged just a bit for effect. He also had on chains around his neck and wrists, a chain hung from his belt and went into his back pocket, and he had on large rings on his fingers.

“I suppose you’re a rapper, but you just look like you were dragged through a garbage dump from the early 2000s.” You cocked an eyebrow at him.

He let out a quiet laugh. “Fair enough.” He said as you stopped by your locker. “What are you going to do tomorrow for superheroes vs supervillains?” Taehyung leaned on the locker next to you as you opened your own.

“You’re going to have to wait and see, Jay-Z.” You gave him an innocent smile and grabbed your textbooks from your locker.

“Well, then I won’t tell you what I’m doing either.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“I wasn’t planning on asking anyways.” You closed your locker and walked off in the opposite direction from Taehyung without looking at him, but he followed you.

“I think your outfit is changing you into a meaner person.” He said.

You stopped in your tracks and turned towards him. “Oh, no! You’re not going to tell me what you’re doing for tomorrow! I might just start crying! Whatever shall I do?” You exaggerated. “Was that better for your highness?” You raised your eyebrows as you composed yourself.

Taehyung just rolled his eyes and walked away.

“See you tomorrow!” You called after him jokingly.

Thursday had come and it was superheroes vs supervillains. You decided to go as a supervillain. You tried to do a Harley Quinn outfit that was school appropriate. You had on the tee shirt, shorts, jacket and choker from the movie, but put on white tights under the shorts so it wasn’t against dress code. You put your hair in pigtails and used colored hair spray to add the blue and pink at the ends of your hair. You added the smeared makeup as a final touch.

You walked into school with people turning to look at you.

You went to your locker to get your books out again when you heard a familiar voice behind you.

“Hello, darlin’.” Taehyung.

You turned around and saw Taehyung dressed as the Joker, complete with the makeup and green hair. “You have to be kidding me.” You sighed.

“What’s wrong, honey?” He smiled.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be dressed as the Joker. Why must this happen to me?” You looked up, pretending to be talking to a higher entity.

Taehyung just laughed. “Why don’t you give your puddin’ some love?” He joked.

“In your dreams, ‘puddin’’.” You started walking away.

“You don’t want me to be your ‘puddin’’?” Taehyung teased as he followed you.

“Not right now.”

“So you’re saying you’ve wanted me to be your ‘puddin’ before?” He smiled.

“I’m not talking to you anymore.” You blushed as he teased you.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’. Have a good day, baby.” He said before leaving your side.

You continued on with your day, trying to forget about Taehyung calling you pet names and teasing you for liking him. You hoped he forgot about it by the next time you saw him.

Friday was class vs class. It was seniors vs juniors vs sophomores vs freshmen. You were a senior along with Taehyung, so you knew you’d be put on the same side. Seniors were assigned to wear black. You had on a black tee shirt, black jeans, black boots and a black homemade tutu over your jeans. You had black beads around your neck and black bracelets and earrings. You even had on black makeup, including lipstick and even put a design on your face with black face paint.

You showed up to school and saw that more students had participated today than any other day. You saw Taehyung waiting at your locker. He had on the same outfit, including the tutu. It was like a tradition for the students to wear tutus for their class color on the Fridays of spirit weeks. You continued to your locker and pulled out your books.

“Ha! You didn’t outdo me this time!” Taehyung cheered when he saw you.

“We’re wearing the same outfit, Tae. You didn’t outdo me either.” You rolled your eyes.

“Maybe it’s fate.” He shrugged.

“What are you talking about?” You closed your locker.

“Nothing. Are you ready to find out who won the most spirited this week?” He asked.

“Yeah. I’m ready to find out that I won the most spirited this week.” You smiled before walking away.

“What are you talking about? I’m going to win most spirited.” He said as he walked beside you.

“Keep telling yourself that, Tae.” You patted his arm comfortingly.

“I’ve won it before, I know I can again.”

“I’ve won it before, too. And what makes you think you’re going to win it this time?” You scoffed.

“Did you not see my outfits? It was the best of everyone I had ever seen.” He said smugly.

You chuckled. “Is that what you believe?” You smiled.

“It’s what I know.”

“Alright, Tae.” You said sarcastically. “I’ll see you at the assembly and we’ll know who won this time.”

“I already know it’s going to be me. You had a good run though.” He said before walking away.

You dropped your backpack and books off at your first period class and then you were released to the assembly when they gave the announcement. You went to the side that said ‘seniors’ and saw Taehyung. You sat down besides him and waited for your group of friends to join you.

“I’ll apologize now for your loss.” Taehyung said.

“Why are you apologizing? I’m not going to lose anything.” You smiled.

“Hold onto that positive attitude because you’re going to need it after this assembly.” He said as your group of friends started sitting down in the seat around you.

You didn’t say anything more to him about who’s going to win as you waited for the assembly to start. Once the assembly started, everyone hushed and listened. It was like all your other assemblies, and the winner wasn’t announced until the end. You waited through it, crossing your fingers.

Finally, the student president went up to announce the winner. “And the winner for the most spirited student goes to-drumroll please…” The students stomped their feet on the ground to create a drumroll sound. “(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N) AND KIM TAEHYUNG!” The student president shouted.

You both looked at each other confused as you stood up and made your way down to the speaker with everyone cheering.

“We normally choose one, but you two got equal votes this time and we decided to make both of you the winners.” The student president cleared up.

You got your awards and crowns while everyone cheered.

“Thank you for showing your school pride all four years at this school and going all out on the themes. It’s amazing how much work and dedication you put into each day of every spirit week.” The student president continued. “Give it up one more time for (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N) and Kim Taehyung!”

While everyone was clapping, Taehyung pulled you close to him and kissed you for a few seconds as everyone awed at you. When he pulled back, he had a smile on his face while you were shocked and both of you were blushing a bright red. He laughed at your expression and hugged you to him before walking you back to your seats.

“What was that for?” You asked as you hid your face in your hands.

“For me to show you that I love you and want you to be mine.” His arm was around your shoulder as you both sat back down. “So, will you be mine?” You looked up at him to see him looking at you with hopeful eyes.

“As long as you’re mine, too.”

“I think I can do that.” He smiled and chuckled as he pulled you closer to him.

[eating-the-inedible]

 -No. Oh, you leave them out on the sun and they get all brown and start ??? little wild hairs? No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. O, you both have layers. You know not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes. Cakes have layers. I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. You know what else everyone likes? Paffe. Have you ever met a person and you say: "Hey, let's get some paffe" and they say I don't like paffe. Paffe is delicious. No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden. Ogres are like onions. End of story. Bye, bye. See you lather. Paffe is maybe the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. You know I think I've preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue or something, 'cause I'm making a mess. Just the word paffe has made me start slimying Why, Shrek, did you do that? Man you got to warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was opened and everything. Believe me donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking ??? brimstone. I know what I smell and ??? no brimstone. And they don't come of stone neither. Sure it's big enough, but look at the location. Oh, Shrek, remember when you said that Ogres have layers? Oh, yeah. Well, I have a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear ??? sleeves. Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of highs. No, I'm just a little uncomfortable of being on a rickety bridge over boiling lake of lava! Come on donkey, I'm right here beside you. Ok? For emotional support. We'll just hackle this thing together one little baby step after time. -Really? -Really really. Ok. That makes me feel so much better. Just keep moving and don't look down. Don't look down, don't look down. Shrek! I'm looking down! I can't do this. Just let me off right now, please. -But you're already half way. -Yeah, but I know that half is safe. Ok, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. Shrek, no, wait. Don't do that! Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh. This? -Yes, that! Yes, yes. Do it. OK. -No, Shrek! -I'm doing it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. That will do Donkey, that will do. Cool. So where is this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway? Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her. I was talking about the dragon Shrek. -Are you afraid? -No, but shhhhh. Oh, good. Me neither. Because there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Here's a..., something responsible of the situation. Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon that breathes fire. I'm sure he's meaner than a cow or anything, but they're scare. You know what I mean. I'm sure he's heavier than a cow... Donkey. Two things. Ok? Shut, up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess. The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. What makes you think she'll be there? I read it in a book once. Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs. Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll ???. That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they go. The drafting stairs, ??? Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I'm master of the stairs. I wish I had a stair right here right here now, I'd step all over it. Well, at least we know where the princess is. -But where is the... -Dragon! Donkey, look out! Got you. Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkling teeth. You probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach yourself, because that is one dashing smile you got there. And do I detect the hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're a girl dragon. Oh, sure. I mean 'course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just ricking the feminine beauty out. What's the matter with you? Do you have something in your eye? Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know I'm a asthmatic and I don't know if we would worked out.

Here's something someone put in the "anything else" box

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast, back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted. Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25 pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small. You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance. Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh, go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way! Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note! Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No! I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really? -Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I like about you, Shrek?