#oh I am NOT going to wake up early enough to catch the beginning of the TCB stream

[ricky-mortis]

Some President Howard Goodman in celebration of Black Friday’s anniversary yesterday!

Inspired by JFK’s Official Portrait

[dronningreid]

6 AM

After a good night of free drinks at a bar, reader wakes up in a bed that looks nothing like her own. Maybe that mistake isn't so bad after all.

who? Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

category: flangst (my specialty) and suggestive intimacy +18

warnings: mentions of sex, naked, mentions of alcohol and hangover. English is not my first language.

word count: 2.5K

a/n: I stole the title from a song that I almost don't like but it's very this. I also sacrificed myself for the team by getting drunk on Christmas to write this better (it wasn't a good experience, but what am I saying? I'm very committed to my work. Oh and happy almost new year!

Every story has a beginning and how much you wish you could remember the beginning of this.

A ray of sunshine.

That's what woke you up, a ray of sunshine. But not the kind that sneak in through the window and burn your eyes even when they are closed. What woke you up was the warmth of the arm that wrapped around your torso from behind, that kind of sunshine.

You look at the clock and it's damn 6 AM. You didn't expect to start the year so early but there you were.

You relaxed when you feel a warm breath touching your skin. For a moment you felt so fine, until that horrible headache made it difficult to make sense of where you were, but you could remember the ghostly sensations, the pressure against the mattress, his hands running over every corner of your skin and the way the sheets molded with every movement.

You craned your head slightly to get some clues about your surroundings and then the clothes on the floor became visible in your field of vision.

Damn it.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened the night before.

You tried to get out of the grip of the mysterious man you spent the night with, but...

He pulled you towards him again, this time with more force. "Please don't go." He pleaded, but he was still somewhat asleep.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

You recognized that beautiful voice immediately. It being a random guy was a bad thing but Spencer? that was worse.

A wave of panic and guilt ran through you. Now what the hell were you going to do?

You looked at him sideways, first at his lips, and just looking at them made you remember how they felt on your skin.

That's when a fragment of last night hit you...

"Spence." You whispered in the darkness, you couldn't see him but of course you could feel him.

His big hands on your thighs, his tongue caressing you like a feather and the way his nose brushed your sensitivity complemented how good you felt at that moment.

Were you dizzy from the pleasure or from the alcohol? Maybe both.

Now you understood, you let him cross boundaries that a friend should never cross. But you were too drunk to tell him to stop? No, that was an excuse, because in reality both been drunk, a lot.

You blinked a few times before coming back to the present, your memories were so fragmented at the moment that it was best not to put pressure on your mind.

You let him continue for the pleasure and because he was Spencer. There was no one else on this earth you could trust enough to do something so intimate, so personal.

Spencer looked so calm while was asleep, you didn't even know why but you started counting his eyelashes.

That would have been a perfect morning. But one question kept nagging at your brain. How did you get into his bed?

Very simple, it all happened while everyone was on the jet, returning from a case.

"I just hope there isn't another case. It's New Year's Eve, we should be celebrating and not catching serial killers." Emily said. "I'll ask for a raise." Then she brought the glass of whiskey to her mouth.

"Prentiss, you haven't even been with us that long." Morgan let out a light laugh.

"It's been a tough year." You supported Emily. And it was true, Elle and Gideon left a void that no new face could fill. But luckily Emily was Emily, Rossi was Rossi. Neither of them intended to fill the void they left.

"Yes indeed," Rossi added to the conversation. "Drinks at O'Keefe on me, who's coming?" And there was the monetary contribution, maybe your favorite thing about him?

You, Emily and Morgan were quick to raise your hands.

Hotch laughed lightly. "I'll pass, I want to visit Jack."

You stood up from your seat on the jet to approach Reid. "And you? Come?" You gave him a slight nudge with your shoulder. "Or you have a secret son that I don't know about."

Reid shook his head in amusement before setting his book down on his lap. "I don't know, I'm tired."

"Come on." You gave him puppy dog eyes. "And I'll take you back to your apartment."

"Don't know..." He bit his lower lip.

"Oh come on, who's gonna tell me random facts all night? Morgan?" You insistent.

"I heard you!" Morgan shouted from the other side of the jet.

Reid chuckled. "Of course not, that's my place in your life. Besides, he already has Penelope."

You looked at him with hopeful eyes. "So you're coming?"

He shrugged. "I haven't another choice."

One, two, three. Happy New Year!

By that time you and him were already so drunk. Everything was spinning around and both had laughed at every stupid thing Morgan said, that wasn't a very good sign.

You helped Reid into the taxi, almost falling with him in the process. When you left him in the back seat he looked at you, with a pout.

"You said you were going to take me home!" He spoke very loudly, without meaning to.

"If you want to die then let's go in my car." Your words dragged on.

He shook his head and patted his seat. "I'm not going to let you drive. Come on, get in."

You sighed but finally agreed and got into the taxi with him.

He fell asleep with his head resting on your shoulder, it felt so comforting that you didn't even notice when you fell asleep.

After a few minutes the taxi driver spoke. "We're here."

You opened your eyes suddenly.

"Hey... Are you awake?" Spencer whispered, leaving a soft, brief kiss on your shoulder.

You didn't answer anything, hoping that... Who knows what the hell you were hoping for. A miracle maybe.

Spencer said your name, his tone oddly serious. "Can we skip the part where we pretend we don't sleep together and we can just talk about this?"

He kissed your neck and your hand ran over his exposed torso. "Can we skip the part where we do this and we can go straight to the action?" Alcohol makes the braves.

Reid smiled against your skin. "Anything you want."

He moved away a little just to separate your thighs and settle between them.

Reid placed his hands on either side of your head, you watched him intently waiting for what would come out of his lips.

"I'll stop whenever you want, okay?" Even a little drunk he was a gentleman.

You nodded hurriedly, excited for what would come next.

∗⋅✧⋅∗

His breathing is a mess, your breathing is a mess.

During the act he searched for your hand, interlacing his fingers with yours. His hips and yours moved together, like puzzle pieces, only in a constant rhythm, which made the bed creak.

The noise of the mattress, of his mattress, merged with the noises that came from between your lips which came in different forms but had the same effect on him...

You couldn't say for sure that you remembered everything, but from those little fragments you knew that you had never felt so good in your life.

You move under the sheets until you are facing him. But that was a worse idea than you anticipated.

Confronting him after all the images you have of him in your memory feels like someone has just punched the air out of your lungs.

"To begin with, do you remember anything?" He breaks the thick silence, again.

"Fragments." Your voice comes out as a shameful whisper.

He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. "Me too..." He whispers too. "But I do remember that you tried to leave me in the morning."

"Oh..."

Really? Was that the only thing that could come out of your mouth?

Reid sighed and closed his eyes for a brief moment that seemed like an eternity. "Listen, I know this might be awkward but please don't go..." A pang ran through your chest as you saw his pleading eyes. "We don't even have to talk about it."

"Okay..." He sigh of relief at your answer.

But as a cruel joke of life someone knocked on the door, ruining the conversation for Spencer and bringing a postponement for you.

Reid sighed before reluctantly unwrapping his arms from you. "I'm sorry. I... I have to go." He said before getting out of bed.

Last night probably, no, definitely last night you saw him to the soul, but still this time you stared at the ceiling until he got dressed in pajama pants and a gray t-shirt.

He left the room leaving you alone on his bed, naked. Wow, that was something unexpected.

You stood there for a few moments, before wondering what the hell you were doing?

You rubbed your face with your hands as many questions collided in your mind, all eager to capture your attention while you didn't even want to think about it.

What does it mean to sleep with Spencer Reid? He was one of your longest friendships and just by letting him spend one night everything is ruined.

He was acting so casual, like waking up with you was something so normal...

But you didn't even know how to name this. Because, after all, what was this?

You got out of bed and immediately searched the floor for your clothes. You found almost all of them at least.

Once dressed and half combed, you decided to leave the room and try to get out of Spencer's apartment.

But it was such a stupid idea considering it wasn't just you and him in the apartment. Even though you thought you were going to get out of this alive when you saw Reid's back turned to the door.

"Who do we have here?" Morgan's voice was enough for Reid to see you and you to see him.

You had been caught red-handed.

Reid frowned. "You were leaving?"

You stammered a bit before deciding to stop embarrassing yourself and close your mouth.

Morgan's gaze traveled from Reid to you and back to you before figuring out what was happening or at least what had happened.

"Wait guys... Both had sex?" Morgan whispered, trying to be discreet, something that was definitely unusual for him, but not the strangest thing today.

You let out a nervous laugh. "We? Of course not!" You rush to say.

Reid's frown deepened. "We don't?" He said with a hint of mockery and another of bitterness.

No one knew what to say for a while, but the only one in trouble was you.

Morgan stood up from the couch. "Yeah... I think I'd better get going."

Spencer didn't say anything, not even when the door closed behind Morgan. He just looked at you with severity, a severity that disguised his vulnerability. How vulnerable he was before you, as if his heart was exposed on a silver platter.

You weren't willing to talk and he felt like he had already said too much, so the silence between you only grew thicker.

Reid snorted. "For the love of god, just say something!" He swallowed. "Say something, whatever. That I'm bad in bed, that what happened was a one night stand, or that you just tried to run away because you're afraid that if you stay you'll have feelings for me." He try with all his might to keep the tears in place.

You shook your head at his first sentences, but perhaps the last was right. "I... Am I hurting you with this?" Maybe it wasn't the best question, but at least you were honest this time.

He looked away, debating what he should or should not say. "Yes... Yes, you're hurting me." Spencer didn't understand how the words managed to slip through the thick lump in his throat.

Guilt and you were never good friends. "Yes, maybe I'm starting to feel something for you beyond a friendship, maybe I already felt it before. I don't know... I'm scared."

Spencer hesitated but finally took a step in front of you. "I'm scared too." He whispered.

You hesitated for a minute but finally put your arms around him. At that moment you just needed the warmth that his arms could give you.

Reid hated how easily he hugged you back, you were close to abandon him...

"I'm sorry." You murmured as you held onto him.

He places a kiss on the top of your head before rubbing your back. "Just don't exclude me from this, let us both figure out together what's going on here, okay?"

"I promise." You tilted your head back to look at him.

"Changing the subject." Spencer looked at you intently, were his eyes always so beautiful? "Did you see my bra? I couldn't find it while I was getting dressed."

"Oh." Spencer nodded and his cheeks quickly turning a pinkish color. "I kicked it under the couch when Morgan knocked on the door.'

Neither he or you remembered how your bra had gotten there. But it happened while the messy make-out session was going on.

Reid broke the kiss and slipped his hand inside your shirt, stopping until he reached the clasp of your bra. "Can I take it off?" He looked at you with pleading eyes.

"Of course." You tilted your head towards him, not willing to leave his lips for long.

He gave you a couple of short kisses while unbuttoning your bra. "I love you." He murmured against your lips.

"I love you too." Your statement came out as a gasp when he pressed his lips against yours more intensely.

Both were drunk when they said such important words, yes, but isn't it said that drunks always tell the truth?

[grippingbeskar]

duality

: ̗̀➛ joel miller x fem!reader

warnings: explicit content 18+ (mxf, f receiving, dirty talk, joel being a king as per usual) swearing, mentions of death, mentions of canon typical violence!

a/n: hii! this was based on this request right here - oh my god. i am obsessed with this, i really hope i did this justice! i kind of just started writing and went where it took me lmao. its all just smut at this point so like don't look to hard. also thank you to @everybirdfellsilent for the title name and answering my question "how do i write this?" with a simple "why not write both?!" you are a queen.

✩ ੈ * ⚬ ʚ♡ɞ ⚬ * ੈ✩‧₊ ₊‧ ✩ ੈ * ⚬ ʚ♡ɞ ⚬ * ੈ✩‧₊ ₊‧ ✩ ੈ * ⚬ ʚ♡ɞ ⚬ * ੈ✩

“Joel… what time is it?” You keep your eyes screwed shut when you begin to fight the muddiness of deep sleep away, but the early morning sunlight in Jackson always sneaks it’s way through. You stretch out, reaching for him in a natural reflex, and instead of answering you he just presses closer. You keep your eyes shut, letting your other senses guide your hands to his shoulders, enjoying the feeling of him under your palms.

You could hardly open your eyes right now, but you could do this. Lay here with him— you could do that easily. You and Joel had a string of long days recently, and you’d hoped, or at the very least expected that he’d be so tired he’d sleep up until the last possible second.

Apparently you were wrong, as you feel him shift under your hands to the point you lose your hold on him. He kisses you once on the lips, light and feather soft, and you smile sleepily, toes curling at the gentle touch.

“Mornin’.” His voice rumbles through you, low and brassy, waking your bones before your brain could catch up. As his hair tickles the skin of your neck, you can feel him moving lower, the warmth of his body leaving your chest and hovering over your stomach.

You reach for him blindly, and he guides you back even when you sit up on your elbows and peak one eye at him. You watch him move, his own eyes still half lidded, but his hands more awake than ever. They slowly slide over your hips, drawing faint patterns with his fingertips. The warmth of his rough palms move further up over your tummy, pawing at you to lay down on your back. ‘Relax’, he whispers, and your chest tightens. He moves you languidly, using your half conscious state to mould you where he wants to put you, and you let him, no resistance in your muscles.

With a hand still sliding up and down your bare skin, he leans down close enough you can feel the touch of his nose on your cheek. Before you can move to take control, he dips his head. First down to your jaw, the heat of his mouth making you shiver when he kisses along all the sensitive spots. He’s light and quick, your delayed reactions making it easy for him to move without interruption. You wonder how long he’d been awake. Waiting for you to stir, just so he could see you squirm.

His tongue licks indulgent lines further down your body, teasing your skin with his lips following suit. He starts at your collarbone, then tucks the fabric of your shirt higher so he can see you bare below him. The blanket covers over his head, but the light is strong enough that you can see his eyes watching your reaction as he plants soft kisses down your chest. You swear he smirks when you arch your back, nearly groaning at the light but not nearly enough pressure.

Your hands finally wake themselves when he mouths at the skin of your lower stomach, brushing through the soft curls on the top of his head. He hums against you, eyes flicking up with warmth lining them, and smiles slightly. The sight tugs at a string of your racing heart, and you keep your voice low when you manage to speak.

“Joel, let me…” You fade off, eyes fluttering as you attempt to bring him back up to you. You want him to feel good too— so as much as you love where this is going, you know the two of you can’t have very long this morning, and you want to make the most of it. “C’mere.”

He shakes his head, mouth too busy to reply as it dives into the newly exposed skin of your thighs. At some point he’d taken your underwear off— or maybe he’d done it in your sleep, making sure you were ready for him in the morning.

You’d both been exhausted last night, so as badly as you’d wanted him, you knew neither of you could keep your eyes open for more than twenty seconds. Joel had grumbled a few curse words at how he couldn’t even hold himself up, and as soon as your heads hit the pillow, and you curled in on his chest light a weighted blanket, you were both out like a light.

Joel was clearly making up for lost time. Slowly, he spreads your legs, his hot breath fanning against your core. The feeling makes you unconsciously try to close yourself from him— the feeling and the way his eyes were staring so intensely at the most intimate part of you.

“Joel, come here—“ You try again, and his hair brushes the inside of your thighs when his head shakes again. His eyes look to you, and they almost look… pleading.

“Please, baby. I need this. Let me.” He sounds half broken— his voice cracking and hands gripping your hips. His hold wasn’t harsh, still keeping those gentle, sweet touches he’d started with, but it was enough to hold you down and keep you right where he had you. “I’ll make you feel so good, I swear. So… so fuckin’ good. Don’t I always?”

His shoulders press you open wider, leaving no room for insecurity. You just nod your head as he stares up at you, wide eyed, waiting for permission. The lines of concern in his forehead disappear when he sees you agree, chest deflating like he was relieved.

He drags the tip of his nose lightly along your inner thigh, and you can feel your legs already shaking in anticipation. It was one thing Joel did so well; he almost didn’t know he did it. Making you wait. All day, he would work you up so subtly— soft touches, intense stares across the field. Words whispered only to you, so any reaction you had would seem out of line. And then here… indulging his every want and need while you sat patiently, waiting for him to decide when, and where, and how.

You’d do it over and over again, because you knew what came of it. What came when you did exactly what he wanted. Sometimes it was fun to fight him back, be a bit of a brat about it, but right here, when he was working you up so nice and asking so desperately— there wasn’t a damn thing in the world worth that.

“Fuck, baby you’re so pretty.” His teeth replace his nose, tracing the same line along the opposite thigh. His fingers massage circles into your hips as he feels you fidget and shake, the world still spinning slowly above you. “You’re gonna take it so well for me this mornin’, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah. A-anything you want. I just—“ Your breath hitches when he kisses closer to where you’re all but aching for him, right in the join between your leg and pussy. “I need—“

He groans into you, never giving you a chance to finish your sentence as he buries his tongue between your legs. You cry out louder than you mean to, the hand not buried in Joel’s messy hair slapping over your open mouth. Joel smiles against you, tongue swirling around your clit in the way he knows makes you dizzy with pleasure.

Everything was too hot. It was winter in Jackson, snow falling gently onto the windowsill, but the blanket over you mixed with the heat Joel was spreading up your stomach was too much. Your back arched and he took the change in direction with eagerness. Groaning your name, he flattened his tongue and caught your eyes before they rolled back into your head, his eyebrows furrowed and concentrated.

“Oh, god… Joel. Joel, Joel—“ It was all you could think of to say, the pleasure shooting white hot sparks up your spine and sliding you further down the bed into Joel’s onslaught.

He was messy. Joel ate you out with an enthusiasm you never found anywhere else. Maybe it was the fact that there was nothing good outside the four walls you’d both found yourself in, the rest of the world cold compared to the warmth of your bed— or maybe he just fucking loved it as much as he always said.

Whether he did this for you or for himself, Joel knew exactly how to build you up; it was so quick you couldn’t prepare for it. His hands held your hips tight as you squirmed— grinding your hips forward to match his pace as he let you use him to chase your release. The sounds he was making were only spurring you closer— slurred words of praise hardly audible, his voice horse and breaking like he could hardly manage them.

“Good— fuck, you taste good.” Each word is muffled underneath you, but it hits you hard in the chest. Being praised by anyone made your heart flutter, but when it was Joel? Capable, stoic, hard-as-nails Joel? It was entirely different. A whole other ball game. And he fucking knew it. “You close, baby. Fuck, I know you gotta be. So tight…”

“Oh fuck. Fuck, I’m so close…” You whimper and he hums in response, the vibrations pushing you over the edge. Your fingers gripped his hair harshly, his mouth only working harder to keep its lock on you. He wrapped his lips around your clit, eyes fluttering open halfway to watch you, and the sight is what undid you.

“That’s it. Fuck, there’s those eyes…” You hear Joel mutter but you can’t form words to reply. Everything was on fire, your stomach locking tight as the waves of pleasure wrapped you into a ball and burst over every inch of skin. It was cliche, but it felt like fucking fireworks went off in your chest, Joel’s hands an anchor keeping you from taking off with them.

He was halfway up your body when you came back to it, kissing and touching you so gently you could have cried if you had the energy. It was moments like these that he was the most vulnerable— where he couldn’t get enough of you, indulged himself in you, but did it with such sweetness and… well, love, that you knew the man he didn’t think he was anymore was still in there.

“So pretty. Sound so damn pretty when you cum for me.” He whispers against your mouth before kissing you hungrily. It’s teeth and tongue, a mix of you and him on your lips as he pulls away to look at you, catching your bottom lip between his teeth.

Your hands reach down to tug lightly at his boxers, and he huffs, shaking his head against your mouth.

“M’not done, baby.” His voice makes you shiver all over again, pleasure still stirring low and hot in your tummy. “S’fuckin’ good.”

“I can’t, Joel…” You whimper, his hand ever so slightly brushing between your legs. You jolt upwards, your body betraying your words.

“Yeah, you can. You can f’me, yeah?” He was already moving down, ignoring your whines as he made his way back to his favourite spot in this house. He was quicker this time, knowing you’d still be sensitive.

It was addicting. He couldn’t get enough of the sounds you made, the way you tasted— it was like the best game he’d ever played. Joel was an adrenaline junkie— he knew it. He was smart about it, but he longed for that rush of endorphins when he was winning a fight or putting bullets into bodies. Out of all the shit he’d done, though, nothing compared to this. The best adrenaline rush he’d ever felt was right here, hearing you scream his name as he tasted every fucking inch you of he could manage.

He was messier this time. Wrapping his mouth around you and swirling his tongue in quick, mind-numbing movements that had your fingers burying deeper into his hair. He nearly came at the feeling of it— you, trying your hardest not to hurt him but still yanking him into you, hardly giving him an inch to pull away. Not that he’d every fuckin’ dream of being dragged away from you now.

“Joel… too much. Fuck— I’m…I—“ He bucked his hips against the mattress, the way you whine his name is like a stab at his chest every time. His nose brushes against your clit again as he tastes you deeper, your voice broken and tapering off into barely there words.

He knows you’d stop him if it was really too much. He knows if he pulled away right now you’d drag him right back where he wants to be, where he knows he’s fucking good at being. Joel wants you closer— all day, he can’t fucking find it in himself to drag you under his arm or kiss you like he wants in front of all those people.

He was too possessive.

None of them get to see you like this, how your eyes get all soft when he kisses you, and how you sigh his name when your body moulds to his. No one else gets to see this. He’s the only one that can break you like this. So when he has you? He doesn’t stop until you make him.

“Just a little more f’me.” Joel’s low, cracking tone sends a violent wave of pleasure skittering across your stomach, butterflies erupting at the sound of him.

His movements weren’t timed anymore, still just as indulgent, but he was losing his control. His hands were tighter now, fighting against the surges of your body off the mattress. You hoped it would leave marks behind— proof of how badly he’d needed you this morning. How much he wanted you to Stay. Put.

“Baby, I can’t—“ You choke out, a hold on his hair so hard you swear you might rip it out.

“Mmhmm.” Is all he rumbles against you, and you think he speeds up, or does something different, or maybe he just looks at you again— because you drown in the onslaught of whatever it was as you feel the familiar rush of pleasure all over again.

This was something different. Everything tightened and released, and you could feel how wet you were— a damp mess underneath you only present when you could feel your heart begin to slow again. Joel doesn’t move from his spot, arms still wrapped around your thighs, fingers drawing slow circles into the shaking muscles.

“God, baby. Fuckin’… never get tired of seein’ that.” He wasn’t looking at you, at anything really. His eyes were shut, forehead pressed to your inner thigh as he tried and failed to catch his breath. “You feel good? You there?”

“Mm.” You push out, feeling the warmth of his laugh between your legs. “Can’t… can’t feel my legs.”

“S’okay. You’re not goin’ anywhere.” His eyes open again, half lidded, and he begins a slow descent, mouthing the bruises he’s left behind as he sinks down. Your back bends off the bed, but he presses you down with a gentle hand. “Lie back.”

“Joel… wait, I can’t. I—“ You can’t talk between small, shuddering breaths, and he just shakes his head, looking at the mess you’ve left behind.

“Keep sayin’ that, but here you are.” He stops, hovering over your stomach; waiting. Waiting for you to tell him to stop for real.

“Lemme keep goin’, darlin’. Just a little…” He groans at the way your hips shift lower, closer to his mouth despite your words. “Fuck. Little more. Need this.”

His nose brushes against your clit as he looks up, holding your eyes as he spits slowly down your centre.

“You like it, don’t you?” He says, a smile on his face even when his voice wavers. You whine, maybe in protest or impatience, but he coos at you either way. “I know. Shh. I know, baby. Just stay right…here.”

You think you black out when his mouth wraps around you again, sounds and colours all blending together in your mind in a way that nothing makes sense except for the way his tongue feels on you. Minutes or hours could go by— every responsibility you might have drifting to the back burner when he was here. Right here.

“M’right here. Never lettin’ you go.” He groans, his hips grinding into the soft covers, and you give in, knowing he’s got you.

✩ ੈ * ⚬ ʚ♡ɞ ⚬ * ੈ✩‧₊ ₊‧ ✩ ੈ * ⚬ ʚ♡ɞ ⚬ * ੈ✩‧₊ ₊‧ ✩ ੈ * ⚬ ʚ♡ɞ ⚬ * ੈ✩

It might of been a good morning, but it was another shitty day.

Winter in Jackson was good and bad. Good, because clickers and runners couldn’t make their way through the thick snow, and froze before they ever got close to the gates. It meant less patrols, less waste of resources, less need for supply runs; it was the closest to normal you got.

Bad, because while clickers weren’t made for the heavy fall of winter, neither were the fucking fences.

Everything broke down, cracked and froze during winter. There wasn’t a single area that didn’t need repairs, so while you weren’t needed on patrols, it meant you’d be out in the field, dragging plywood or banging nails into something. Even with all the hours you'd spent on your area, it felt like there was still miles to go, your hands aching by the time you found a minute to rest.

You could see Joel the entire day, too, which only made it worse for your wandering mind.

You could see him getting pissed off, ordering the young guys he’d been posted with around and up ladders. You know he’d want to relieve all that built up tension when he got home. Sometimes it was a matter of talking it out, listening in a way Joel wasn’t really used to before you. Other times you sat in silence, pressed up behind him in a steaming bath until you could hear his breath start to slow.

Today, you had a feeling it would be something a little different.

You hadn’t gotten to continue things at all this morning. By the time Joel dragged himself away from between your legs, he was already 45 minutes late to his post. Still, he walked you into the shower, holding you up on wobbly legs, trying his best not to get too distracted with how you kept kissing his jaw and looking up at him all innocent. He managed to get you dressed, too, and with no time to spare he gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and all too suddenly you were standing out in the snow, alone.

So that, and the fact you could see, and sometimes even hear his low voice grumbling orders all day was doing nothing to help your focus.

When you finally saw the sun begin to go down, you didn’t spare a second before you all but sprinted off, bursting through the door of your shared home. You quickly shook off your clothes, the warmth of your house making you strip down to just one of Joel’s old t-shirts. Now, you waited.

When the door burst open a few hours later, you were like a dog hearing a lead. You jumped out of the bed, watching Joel from the top of the stairs as he carefully stepped through the threshold. He’d found the carpets laying on your floor for you a few months ago, and he knows how much you love them, so he balances on one leg as best he can to take his muddy, snow covered shoes off before he called out to you.

“You home, darlin’?” He kept his voice soft in case you were sleeping, but smiled when he caught you basically hanging over the stairs. “There she is.”

“You’re late.” You say, squinting down at him with a smile and your arms crossed.

“Didn’t realise I had a curfew.” He smirked, shaking off his jacket and abandoning it over the couch. Playful Joel was one of your favourites. It made you as warm as the crackling fire behind you.

“Well, you do. And you’re late, so better get moving.” He raises his eyebrows, a bigger smile playing on his face as he walks to the bottom of the stairs.

“You know, I was gonna cook you dinner and everythin'. Do a real nice thing here. How longs it been since we did that?” He walks slow, every step groaning under the weight of him. Your heart swells at the idea, and if you weren’t so hell bent on jumping on him, you’d take him up on it.

"That sounds n-nice." You take a step back as he gets closer, something about him still intimidating you- even when you knew the man underneath. “Plenty of time to eat tomorrow, though."

When he finally clears the stairs, you don’t have time to blink before he’s surging in front of you. His hands find their home on your hips, staying light when they pull you toward him and make up the rest of the small distance between you. He must remember how hard he held you down this morning.

“Is that my shirt?” He mumbles into your hair, already knowing the answer. He nudges your face to his own, smirking confidently. "You miss me that bad?"

“Nope. It’s Mark’s from today. I just got sooo hot lifting all those planks of wood I had to take all my clothes off, so he—“ You’re cut off by your own squeal when he lifts you up, hands gripping your ass tightly.

“Very fuckin’ funny.” Joel growls low in your ear, but you can feel him smiling against your skin as he walks you to your bedroom, kissing you dizzy.

It’s a little embarrassing how easily he drives you to the brink. All he has to do is say your name a few times, whisper it against your skin, and kiss you like this, and you’re gone again. His. You’re his to mould and bend, your arms lifting as he drags the fabric of his old shirt up your stomach and chest.

He watches with an intense stare, goosebumps rising where the fabric brushes lightly over your sensitive skin. When he finally slips the shirt over your head his control snaps and he’s on top of you, and he’s everywhere.

His hands slide up your sides, spanning the entire space of your waist and ribs, coming over your chest and cupping your breasts in his hands. You arch your back, chasing his mouth as it presses hungry, quick kisses between movements, his fingers catching over your nipples making you moan his name.

“Thought about you all day.” You confess, nipping the skin of his jaw. He huffs a breath, your hands tangling once again in his hair. It’s still slightly wet from the cold, curling around your fingers in something like ringlets. “Needed you so bad, Joel.”

“Greedy little thing. Didn’t get enough this morning?” He laughs, and it's almost mean- teasing. You roll your hips into him slowly. It wipes the smirk off his face, turning it into an almost painful scrunch of his brow. “Fuck.”

“You didn’t let me touch you.” You whine, rolling into him again. He drops to hold himself up on his forearms, hands touching you where they can reach. “Always want to touch you, Joel.”

“Shit, you gotta stop talking like that or…” You repeat the slow movement of your hips, and he runs out of words, practically whining into your mouth.

“It’s true.” You bite his bottom lip, a little harder than necessary. “Wanna fuck you all the time. It’s distracting. Always… always think about it.”

Joel moans your name brokenly, and you take your chance. A small push with your leg collapses him on his back next to you, only that easy because he wasn’t expecting it. He’s sitting with his back against the headboard, and before he can shuffle down you straddle him, locking him in place underneath you.

One of his hands grabs the back of your neck, hauling you to his mouth, and you let him take control. You might be sitting on top of him, fiddling with his belt and tugging his pants down, but he is still in control. You know he could flip the switch in a second, and he’s just indulging you, but you take what you can get.

It’s so rare he lets you take care of him. You could count on one hand how many times he’s really let you do the work, but when the opportunity comes, you were going to take it and run with it.

He was still searching your body, fanning out his fingers and running them down your spine, leaning you closer. He takes off his shirt so he can feel you against him, his tongue licking into your mouth like he needs to learn you inside and out. When you finally get his pants off, you don’t waste a second, both of you gasping when you feel the thick head of him against your heat.

“H-hold on, you gotta… Jesus Christ.” Joel curses, his forehead pressed to yours. “Let me get you ready for me.”

“Mm-mm. Ready. Please…need it.” You shake your head, angling your hips just right, and he slumps forward in something like defeat when your hand snakes down and presses him inside of you. “Oh, god.”

"Fuck. Slow down, baby. Nice and slow." He stutters out, his hands coming to your hips to try and hold you up. Joel was... big. Big enough to the point where you should of taken your time, worked yourself up a bit more, but you just wanted him so bad-- "Hey, look at me."

Your eyes flutter up to him, and he kisses you quickly, like its an apology. You stay there, feeling the slight sharp pain fade quickly with how desperate you want him, how fucking wet you were already. In a few seconds you try to move again, and Joel's hands tighten around you.

"You can stop, baby. It's okay, you--"

"No! Don't want to. Just... fuck me, Joel." You say a little harsher, shaking your head where its now tucked into the crook of his neck. You sink down further against the push of his hands, and he groans your name lowly as you feel him split you open, taking the last inch of him.

Your hands were still tangled in his hair, and where you were rendered speechless, he couldn't seem to shut himself up.

"Fuck. So fuckin' tight, Christ." You feel his palm on your ass, pushing you forward just slightly, creation a friction that has you whining. "Yeah, I know baby. Feels good. Fuck, you feel so good."

When you don't feel that pain anymore, you start to grow desperate for more. Joel was right. You were greedy tonight, and the friction of your hips against his just wasn't enough. You wrap your arms around his neck, shutting up his rambling with a lazy kiss, and use him to rise up just a little, before sinking down again.

He says something into your mouth, but the words are lost when you begin to repeat the same motion over and over again. Heat builds in waves, crashing higher and higher in your stomach until it makes your toes curl, your jaw dropping open to moan a broken version of Joel's name.

Your eyes roll back, head falling to the side, leaving you open to Joel's mouth who sucks harsh marks just below your jaw. You know you'll be covered in them tomorrow, but right now you don't care. You can't seem to care about anything else, except the way Joel is buried so deep inside you, you swear you can feel him everywhere.

"Focus on me. Need to see those pretty eyes, girl." He nudges you straight, your neck no longer able to support the weight of your head as it falls forward to rest on Joel. He groans again, matching your pace with his own movements, and you get louder with the added force. "Fuck, that's it. Let 'em hear you."

Everything turns molten inside of you, liquid heat spreading from the tips of your toes to your heavy head, and if Joel wasn't fucking you back so hard you don't think you'd be upright. As soon as he was inside you, you lost all sense of direction and control, like your body knew to trust him, to give yourself over to him.

His hands wrap tightly around your waist, bodies pressed together as he takes the work out of it for you. You move together— you’re so close you don’t have a choice, and when the hot, tingling feeling ripples up your spine you can only do exactly what he’s telling you.

“Take it, baby. Take it. Good— fuck, good girl.” His head drops from where it was pressed heavy against your forehead, dipping into the crook of your neck. Your palms can feel the release in his back, the way he relaxes as he finally gives himself to you. The noise he makes, and how he almost whines your name is a calling card, hauling you over the edge with him.

He rides it out. Makes it linger, all the pleasure and relief flooding your body in burning waves, and when his hips start to slow, his mouth trails kisses from your neck, all the way up your jaw and to your mouth. He breathes in when you breathe out, both of you wiped from exhaustion, but he can’t pull himself away.

It was like this morning, how even though his back was cramped and he was late as fuck to work, he couldn’t stop. At the expense of himself, he’d starve himself of everything if it meant being here with you.

“Christ, darlin’. Fuck, you’re so good t’me.” He says it like it’s a bad thing— words laced with an anxious wave, like you’d realise it wasn’t right, and leave. Even with him still buried inside of you. “Look at me.”

Your eyes blink open, hands still tangled in the curls of his hair. You can’t tell him all the things you want to— how he deserves this. How much you want to give him, and how if anything, you were the one who didn’t deserve this. Instead, you smile at him, and it seems to say everything all at once.

“You okay?" Joel's muffled voice asks, holding you tightly against him.

"Mhmm." You hum happily, a sleepy smile on your face as his hands cup your face. You feel his thumbs trace the high points of your cheeks, and his lips press to your nose before your eyes open.

You stay right there, his eyes watching you with no real purpose, just taking in the sight of you here with him. When the two of you finally muster the energy to go down stairs, Joel follows through with his promise to cook for you, and for this first time all day, your complete attention is captured.

[bloody-bee-tea]

At the top

When Hizashi wakes up to the blaring sound of his alarm, his hand immediately stretches across the bed to find Shouta. The beginnings of a smile are replaced with a pout when his hand only meets cold sheets, though.

Hizashi blinks his eyes open and just like his hand already spoilered him, Shouta's side is empty.

Which either means Shouta had a bad night and left early or didn't come to bed at all. Both options aren't ideal, mostly because it means Hizashi is without his husband this morning, but he won't know until he actually sees Shouta, so he forces himself out of bed, absentmindedly shutting off his alarm before he drags himself into the bathroom.

On days like this he absolutely resents his younger self for coming up with the most ridiculous hairstyle known to mankind, because it takes him way too long to get himself ready. Every second he can't go find his husband is a second Shouta might spent upset and Hizashi hates that thought.

But finally, finally, every last hair is in its place and Hizashi is out of the bathroom in the blink of an eye, only to skid to a stop in the kitchen.

The very empty kitchen.

The very empty kitchen that has a steaming breakfast waiting for him.

"Shou?" Hizashi hesitantly calls out, because freshly made breakfast usually doesn't mean a night spent tossing and turning in bed but it explains Shouta's absence from their bedroom even less.

It's only when Hizashi steps closer to the dish waiting for him that he sees the note tucked underneath it.

Had to go in early, I love you, it says and Hizashi is enough of a sap that he presses the note to his chest briefly before he digs into the food.

It's good, good enough that Hizashi bemoans the fact that Shouta usually can't be bothered to cook, rather opting for take-out than spend time at the stove and before he knows it, his bowl is empty and if he doesn't want to be late for his classes, Hizashi needs to leave right now.

He had hoped to catch Shouta in the teacher's lounge right before classes but when he sticks his head in, searching for a familiar black lump or a yellow worm, he comes up empty.

That is, until Nemuri's smirking face fills his vision.

"You, my dear, are one lucky man," she drawls out and just by the tone of her voice Hizashi knows that he should be blushing but he can't figure out what the hell this is supposed to be about, so he simply frowns at her.

"Huh?"

"Oh, come on, you must have had the best of mornings," Nemuri says, waggling her eyebrows in case Hizashi missed the obvious but it only serves to make him frown more.

"I actually haven't," he simply gives back, and immediately confusion washes over Nemuri's face. "Why would you assume otherwise?"

"Well—because—you must have been up to some naughty shenanigans this morning," she almost stutters out and it's rare to catch Nemuri so off guard, so Hizashi cherishes it, if only to relay it to Shouta later.

Once he actually finds him.

"And I'm asking again, why would you assume that?" Hizashi tiredly says, because a glance at the time reveals that he won't have time to find Shouta before their classes start.

"Because! Why the hell would Shouta look like that if you didn't quite literally blow his mind this morning?"

"Nemuri!" Hizashi hisses out because she's loud and there are actually other teachers in the room.

"What? Am I wrong?" she asks and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Yes," Hizashi mutters and fights the urge to push his hand through his hair. It's a somewhat bothersome habit he picked up from Shouta and he has to work to keep his hands at his side. "I haven't actually seen him yet, today," he then admits and Nemuri frowns.

"Then why the hell did he seem so quietly content?"

Hizashi shrugs but the question of what the hell she means by that must be clear as day on his face because Nemuri goes on.

"You know that kind of content he only ever gets when he's being buried by cats in your favourite café or when he gets to spend a weekend smothered with your love. Or when he got blown. Or when he got to blow you. He's not picky in that regard. But that kind of content."

"I—wha—" Hizashi stutters and then snaps his mouth shut because he doesn't actually want to know why Nemuri knows that. There are some things better left unsaid and this is so absolutely one of them.

But Hizashi can picture it perfectly now, because of course he knows what kind of content she speaks about, even without the unnecessary sexual talk; the one that slightly softens Shouta's entire face and makes it look as if he's smiling even though he isn't actually and he's radiating calmness in a way that makes even Hizashi want to sit down and be still and it just doesn't make sense.

An empty and cold bed doesn't make for a content Shouta, not in Hizashi's experience.

He must have stayed quiet for too long because Nemuri tilts her head in question. "You really haven't seen him today?"

"He was gone when I woke up," Hizashi gives back with a shrug and he can't deny how much it's bothering him to admit it.

He always feels a little wrong-footed when his days start without Shouta.

"And he's not here, so I won't get to see him until our lunch break," Hizashi adds with a sigh and a new glance at the time.

He's going to be late for real if he doesn't get going right this second.

"Strange," Nemuri hums but lets him leave and Hizashi silently agrees as he gathers his things and makes his way over to the first class of the day.

Strange doesn't even being to cover it.

~*~*~

Hizashi's morning runs long. So long, in fact, that he doesn't manage to catch Shouta in front of his classroom like he hoped he would and his mood drops even further when he gets back to the teacher's lounge and Shouta isn't there either.

"He said he had an errand to run," Nemuri apologetically tells him. "I tried to stop him at least long enough for you to catch up, but you know how stubborn he can be."

"Like a mule," Hizashi agrees, slumping where he stands. He really hoped he would get to see Shouta during their break.

"Listen, I know I said he looked content this morning and he still did just now, but is everything alright?" Nemuri hesitantly asks and Hizashi doesn't even have to think about his answer.

"Of course it is."

There's no doubt that it isn't, because Shouta has nights where he just doesn't sleep and their lives and their five jobs are hectic enough that sometimes they just don't see each other because nothing lines up right. If something really was wrong, Shouta would have told him. He would have found the time to tell him, personally or via text or call, Hizashi is certain of that.

"Okay," Nemuri easily agrees and then Hizashi gets distracted when Uraraka pokes her head through the door.

"Mic-sensei?" she calls out and Hizashi plasters his best Present Mic smile onto his face as he skips over to her, faltering slightly when he sees Ashido and Yaoyorozu at her side.

"What can I do for you, little listeners?" Hizashi asks and he notes with worry how serious all three of them look.

"Sorry to interrupt your break," Yaoyorozu says, ever the polite one, "but we were just wondering—"

"Can you tell us what's wrong with Aizawa-sensei?" Uraraka interrupts her and just on cue Ashido bursts into tears.

"He's dying, right?" she sobs out and Hizashi blinks, completely blindsided by all of this.

"He's what?" he finally gets out because none of this makes any sense and he watches how Uraraka tries to calm down the crying Ashido while Yaoyorozu wrings her hands in front of her chest.

"It's just—he's been really off today and we were wondering if something has happened? Did he get hit with a quirk or something?"

"You two are friends, right?" Uraraka chimes in, glancing over at Hizashi. "Do you know anything?"

"Off how?" Hizashi asks helplessly because he can't—in very good consciousness—tell them Shouta is not dying if he doesn't know how he's behaving.

Shouta tried to hide potentially lethal wounds from him before, and even though it doesn't fit with what Nemuri has said it's better to be cautious here.

"He—he—he was smiling," Ashido gets out between sobs and Uraraka thankfully takes over.

"And not that creepy smile he does when he's about to unleash hell on us but a real one. A happy one."

"He didn't threaten to expel any of us today, he didn't snap when the boys were a bit too loud during class and he let us all go early. He didn't even bring his sleeping bag today," Yaoyorozu sums up and she seems honestly distressed.

Validly so, Hizashi guesses because it's a big enough deviation of Shouta's normal behaviour that Hizashi has to refrain from frowning, lest he worries the kids any more.

"He's not dying," he then says with conviction because if he were, Shouta would be more snappish, not less, and even more prone to fall asleep to avoid all of his problems.

If he's staying awake and smiling and not snapping at anyone, then that must mean he's in a really good mood, especially if he's willing to let his kids see it. He usually plays everything so close to his chest at school so if things are leaking out today, then it has to be because he's happy.

That's the only explanation Hizashi can come up with, which just makes him want to pout because how can Shouta be happy if they didn't even get to see each other today?

"Are you sure?" Ashido sniffles but Hizashi nods.

"One hundred percent, listener! Just imagine that on all other days he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and today, finally, everything worked out fine," Hizashi says, and wants to groan at the irony of his words because there was no right side of the bed today, not when it was empty and Shouta long gone.

He watches how relief floods over the girl's faces, though, and that is all that matters.

"If you're sure," Uraraka uncertainly says and Hizashi nods again.

"Absolutely, one hundred percent,” he reiterates. “Your favourite teacher is not dying."

It's a testament to how worried they really were that they don't even pretend that Shouta isn't their favourite and Hizashi vows to tell him all about it once he finally manages to see him.

"Now off you go, enjoy the rest of your lunch break," he finally shoos them away and they leave without much protest, leaving Hizashi and his thoughts alone.

"You know, he does have one more kid," Nemuri's voice jolts him out of it and his head flies around to her. "One he sees regularly, after classes."

"You're right!" Hizashi shouts, almost lets his quirk slip with how excited he is, because how could he forget that Shouta is supposed to meet with Shinsou after classes for some extra training today?

It's the perfect way to finally see him before they both get home and Hizashi has half a mind simply running off now, but then the first warning bell goes off and he groans.

"Fuck everything today," he mutters as he rubs a hand over his face, but he dutifully gets back to his classes.

He'll just let his last one go a little bit early, so he can ambush Shinsou in front of his class, so that there can be no chance of him running off anywhere and then he'll get to see Shouta.

Easy.

~*~*~

"I'm really sorry, Mic-sensei, but Aizawa-sensei cancelled on me today," Shinsou tells him and Hizashi mutters "Yamada, come on kid, we've been over this," almost before Shinsou's words register.

"Wait, he what?"

Shinsou shrugs as he pulls out his phone, turning it around so Hizashi can see his chat history with Shouta, as if Hizashi wouldn't believe him otherwise.

"He said he had a family thing today and couldn't train me, so we switched it to tomorrow."

"I see," Hizashi mutters and now Shinsou seems distinctly uncomfortable.

"Is everything alright?" he haltingly asks and then rubs the back of his neck in a gesture so similar to Shouta when he's embarrassed that Hizashi does a double take. "It's just—you seem worried and he was overly chipper today, he even sent me an emoji, here, see," Shinsou rambles and points at a distinctly emoji-shaped, well, emoji in their chat.

"I see," Hizashi says again and then shakes himself out of it. "Everything's fine, Shinsou, don't worry. Our schedules haven't aligned very well today and I just thought I could catch him during training with you, that's all."

Shinsou mulls that over for a moment before he nods, but he doesn't seem very reassured at all.

"But—you two are alright?" he then dares to ask and it's almost sweet how he worries about them.

"I promise, we are," Hizashi softly tells him, because there is no reason for him to think anything else.

'Family thing' could be anything, really, but it sure as hell doesn't mean they have any kind of relationship problem, Hizashi is one hundred percent certain of that.

"Okay."

"Mind if I join you for training tomorrow?" Hizashi asks, trying to get some life back into the conversation again and predictably, Shinsou lights up.

"Not at all!"

"Great, I'll be there then," he promises him and then waves him off, now eager to get home and figure out just what the hell is up with Shouta today.

Hizashi is barely halfway to his car when his phone chimes.

Went on ahead, meet you at home. Love you <3, the message from Shouta reads and now this, this is worrying.

Shouta doesn't shy away to show his affection for Hizashi and it's not rare for him to tell Hizashi he loves him either, but two times in a day is suspicious. Not in a 'I'm dying' or 'We need to talk' or 'I want a divorce' kind of suspicious but in a 'I brought home a stray' or 'We're going to adopt a teenager' kind of suspicious.

Suspicious enough at least that Hizashi doesn't waste another second and almost runs to his car. He knows better than to speed on the way back home, but whenever he has to slow down he finds himself humming with his quirk just barely detectable and he thinks he might just scream for real should he get stuck in traffic.

Thankfully none of that happens and soon enough he finds himself unlocking their door. Shouta must be home, because there's light on, and music is softly meeting Hizashi in the hallway and just the thought that he is finally in a space with his husband again has Hizashi relaxing and he lets out a soft “I’m home!”

His relaxation lasts until he steps into the living-room because then he's just completely gobsmacked.

There are flowers. There are flowers everywhere and just from a glance Hizashi thinks they might all be his favourites. That paired with the music and the admittedly delicious smell coming from the kitchen has Hizashi panicked that he might have forgotten their anniversary, but that can't be because they got married in summer and it's still bitterly cold out.

"Shou?" Hizashi hesitantly calls out and he's almost embarrassed by how much better he feels the second his eyes land on Shouta.

Just like Nemuri had said, he looks content, happy even, and there is that smile Ashido and Uraraka talked about.

"Hi," Shouta says and steps close for a lingering kiss that Hizashi is helpless against and he feels a little dazed when they part. “Welcome home.”

"Hi," he breathes out and then takes another look around. "What is all of this?"

Shouta shrugs. "I just felt like it," he says and now that is some utter bullshit.

There is no way Shouta just felt like this if there isn't a reason for it.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Shouta? Where's the catch?"

Shouta lets out an amused huff and brushes a kiss over Hizashi's cheek.

"The catch is that I am your Shouta," he teasingly gives back and steers Hizashi into the kitchen where not only dinner is waiting for him but also the cupcakes he loves so much from that one bakery across town.

"I call bullshit," Hizashi says, even as he leans into Shouta's hands as he pushes him down onto a chair.

"Fine," Shouta sighs out and pushes a hand through his hair as he rolls his eyes.

"So? What happened to my Shouta? Grumpy, grouchy, 'I don't want to spend my time needlessly in the kitchen' Shouta? You cooked for me today. Twice. Not even to mention any of this!" He sweeps his arms around in an encompassing gesture and Shouta only smiles.

"Your Shouta happened to have a bad night," Shouta starts and Hizashi can't help the flash of satisfaction when he realises that he had been right with his assumption.

It doesn’t explain anything else, though, which Shouta must be able to read off his face clear as day, because he gently puts a hand over his mouth to stop him from speaking.

"And as your Shouta was laying there, watching you sleep because it calms him down like nothing else, he realised that he is the happiest man on earth. And then he decided that he needs to show his appreciation for you."

Hizashi reaches up to tug Shouta's hand down, which he gracefully allows and frowns up at him.

"You don't have to though. I know you love me."

"I know," Shouta sighs out and kisses his forehead. "But this is not about me loving you. This is about me being incandescently happy and having the urge to do something about it."

"But those are my favourite flowers and my favourite cupcakes. Why not do something for yourself?"

"You're such an idiot," Shouta sighs out and his face stays soft and happy and Hizashi maybe feels a little bit as if he's floating in his own pool of happiness. "I'm only happy because of you. You make me the happiest man alive. Why would I ever do any of this if not for you?"

"Oh my gods, you're such a sap," Hizashi gets out, but his voice is shaking and his eyes might be a little bit wet but he just loves Shouta so much.

"Only for you," Shouta shoots back and Hizashi laughs, even as he pulls on Shouta until he gets the hint and climbs on his lap. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Hizashi immediately gives back and he can't believe how lucky he got when he's met with a warm gaze.

And then he remembers what happened at school and he bursts out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Shouta asks, now with a small frown on his face and Hizashi laughs some more.

"Nemuri thinks we've had some sexy times this morning because you are so happy. Your kids think you're dying and they also admitted you’re their favourite. Shinsou was worried we're having relationship problems!" It's all so funny in retrospect that Hizashi laughs some more and even Shouta's mouth curls into an amused smile.

"If my kids think I'm dying they have zero observation skills."

"I'm not so sure about that, considering how you normally act, your behaviour was pretty concerning," Hizashi gives back and noses at Shouta's chin. "You cancelled on Shinsou for a family thing and then I come ask if I can join for training, clearly not knowing about anything and it had him worried."

"And Nemuri?"

"Knows too much about our sex life, apparently, and I'd rather not remember this ever again."

Shouta laughs at that, his head thrown back and Hizashi can't help but to lean in and softly bite at his throat, making Shouta's breath hitch.

"What did she think we were up to?"

"Blowjobs in the morning. Though she couldn't decide who went down on who," Hizashi gives back and now it's on him to almost choke on a breath because when Shouta looks down at him there's a distinct heat in his gaze.

"I had different plans for tonight but I'm flexible," he simply says and Hizashi swallows before he says "You sure are."

It's enough to make Shouta laugh again, which makes Hizashi feel very accomplished, thank you very much, but to his dismay Shouta stands up not even a moment later.

"That's for later though. I did not spent an hour in this kitchen for you to let it all go cold," he says and Hizashi feels as if his chest is going to burst right open with how much he loves this man.

"You're wrong," he says, apropos of nothing and immediately Shouta glares at him. "You're not the happiest man on earth. You can't be, because where does that leave me?"

Shouta narrows his eyes at him for a moment before he softens again and he reaches out to tug Hizashi's glasses and headphones off his head.

"Fine. We can both be the happiest. That would leave you right at my side."

"So exactly where I want to be," Hizashi nods and catches Shouta's hand in his to press a kiss to his palm. "That's acceptable."

"It better be," Shouta grumbles, but there's still that soft, content look on his face and Hizashi knows that it's all just an act. "Now let go of me, we need to eat."

"If you insist," Hizashi says, reluctantly dropping Shouta's hand, though he can't help but to swipe his thumb over the ring now securely on his ring finger, like it always is when they are at home.

He finds himself thinking that he would marry Shouta ten times over if he could and with how Shouta acted today, he is more than certain that the same is true for Shouta as well.

They truly are the luckiest, happiest men alive.

[darkintothedawn]

DARK DEVOTION || Void Stiles 'Teen Wolf'

Pairing — Void Stiles x gender neutral reader

Summary — A love story written in blood and whispers. Void courts you in his own twisted way and you like it.

Memo —I am currently half awake and I refuse to go to sleep so boredom prompted me to write this.

Word Count —1050

Warnings — You're arguably as insane as Void. Dark Themes, Blood/Gore, Possessiveness/Obsessive Behaviour, Murder/Death (implied killings), Mild Body Horror (descriptions of blood and injuries), Stalking/Watching.

I. The First Gift

The first time it happens, you don’t think much of it.

You step outside one morning, the world still wrapped in the quiet hush of dawn. The air is crisp, the sky painted with the soft hues of early sunrise. Then, your eyes fall to the ground.

A gift.

A crow, its throat slit cleanly, feathers still damp with fresh blood. Its wings are splayed open, and nestled between them is a single white flower—delicate, untouched by the violence surrounding it.

Something in your chest tightens. Not in fear. Not in disgust. But in something else.

You kneel, fingertips grazing the petals. The stark contrast between death and beauty is... intentional. A deliberate display.

A courtship.

And there’s only one creature twisted enough to offer it to you.

You should be terrified. You should scream, recoil, run. But instead, you pluck the flower from the corpse and twirl it between your fingers.

When you glance up, you aren’t surprised to see him watching from the treeline.

Void.

The thing wearing Stiles’ face.

He smirks when your eyes meet. A sharp, knowing thing. His head tilts, dark eyes gleaming with satisfaction.

You say nothing. Neither does he. But in that silence, something shifts.

And the game begins.

II. The Second Gift

The next offering comes two nights later.

You return home late, the weight of exhaustion pressing against your shoulders. But when you step inside, you freeze.

A velvet box rests on your kitchen counter. No note, no explanation.

You know better than to open it. You do.

And yet, your fingers move before your mind can stop them.

The lid lifts with an eerie sort of grace, revealing a heart inside—dark, wet, and still warm.

Your stomach doesn’t churn. Your hands don’t tremble. You stare for a long moment before exhaling a slow breath.

"This is getting dramatic," you murmur.

A chuckle ghosts over your shoulder. You don’t jump.

"Did you think I’d be subtle?" Void’s voice is a velvet whisper, coiling around you like smoke. "I am trying to woo you, after all."

You close the box and turn to face him. He leans lazily against the doorway, all sharp smirks and dark amusement.

"Woo me," you repeat, deadpan. "With body parts?"

Void pushes off the frame, stepping closer. "They weren’t yours," he points out. "Shouldn’t that count for something?"

You hold his gaze, unflinching. His eyes are endless, drowning pools of black.

Slowly, you place the flower he gave you the other day behind your ear.

His smirk falters. Just for a fraction of a second. But you see it.

Then, his grin returns, sharper than before.

"Oh," he breathes. "You do understand."

III. The Third Gift

After that, the gifts escalate.

You wake to whispers in the night, cold fingers brushing over your skin before vanishing like mist. A shadow lingers just beyond your vision, moving when you move, watching when you sleep.

A blade, elegant and wickedly sharp, appears on your pillow one morning. Its hilt is carved with symbols you don’t recognize, its edge stained faintly with something dark.

"I made it for you," Void hums when you confront him later that night.

"You made me a weapon?"

"You deserve something beautiful," he replies smoothly. "Something deadly."

His fingers brush your wrist, and the room tilts for half a second. Not physically. Not really. But there’s a pull—something unnatural, something his.

"Do you like it?" he asks, voice soft but dangerous.

You turn the blade in your grip, watching how the light catches on the metal.

And then you smile.

Void inhales sharply. His pupils blow wide.

"You’re enjoying this," he realizes.

You lift a brow. "And you’re not?"

His answering grin is feral.

IV. The Fourth Gift

You don’t find the next offering. It finds you.

One evening, as you step out of your usual coffee shop, someone stumbles in front of you. A man, pale and shaking, his shirt stained with blood.

"H–help me," he rasps.

Your eyes flicker down. A deep gash runs along his abdomen, fresh and brutal.

Your pulse remains steady.

A dark chuckle echoes nearby, and Void emerges from the alley, hands in his pockets.

"He hurt you once, didn’t he?" he muses, tilting his head at the man. "Called you a slur. Pushed you at a bar. Thought I forgot?"

The man trembles violently, eyes darting between you and the monster in Stiles’ skin.

You exhale through your nose, tilting your head. "This is a bit much, even for you."

Void pouts. "You wound me."

Your gaze shifts to the man, who is on the verge of collapse. You don’t feel sorry for him, not really.

But you do feel something.

Something close to intrigue.

You step forward, slow and deliberate, and crouch in front of the bleeding man. He flinches.

Then, ever so gently, you press your fingers to his wound.

He whimpers in pain.

Void lets out a breath that sounds like a growl.

"You’re insane," the man chokes out.

You smile at him. Then glance back at Void.

"You didn’t kill him yet," you muse. "Why?"

Void crouches beside you, resting his chin on your shoulder. His breath ghosts against your ear.

"Because I wanted to share."

You don’t move for a long moment.

Then, slowly, you stand.

Void follows your lead, dark eyes never leaving yours.

And without another word, you step aside.

An invitation.

Void’s smirk is wicked. His fingers graze your wrist as he passes, a silent thank you.

The man screams.

And you don’t look away.

V. The Claiming

Void presses you against the wall that night, his hands caging you in. His touch is cool, unnatural, but you don’t pull away.

"Say something," he murmurs, voice sharp with frustration. "Tell me to stop. Tell me you hate this."

You meet his gaze, unflinching. "I won’t."

His fingers tighten on your jaw, nails biting into your skin. "Why not?"

You smirk, tilting your head just enough to brush your lips against his.

"Because I like it."

Void stills. Then, his lips curl into something almost hungry.

"Oh," he breathes, amusement laced with something far darker. "I knew I picked the right one."

And when he kisses you, it’s possessive. A promise.

You’re his now.

You always were.

[pbforeva]

imma try to post a story on here but like this will be part 1

fandom: wbb (uconn)

synopsis: **TW: DV**

When Paige Bueckers and Evelyn Park meet during their second year at Uconn, they are both intrigued by the complexity of each other's characters and slowly become friends. Paige eventually realizes she has developed feelings for Evelyn; however, Evelyn is in a committed relationship with her boyfriend, Blake. Will Paige be able to articulate her feelings to Evelyn, and will Evelyn reciprocate those feelings despite her boyfriend? *Paige doesn't get injured in this story*

ok actual story now

—

Evelyn's pov:

I hate waking up, especially before school. The blaring alarm seeps into my ear while I muster enough strength to turn it off and get out of bed. It is too early for this, I think as I stare at the digital numbers that stare back reading, 8:03 a.m. I groan as I stumble into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, which wakes me up a little more. After brushing out my hair, I go back to my room to get dressed for the day, and I grab a pair of ripped mom jeans from my closet and a pink crop top to pair with it.

As I'm walking to campus, thinking about the date I have planned with my boyfriend, Blake, and I trip over the curb in front of me. Omg, this cannot be happening, I think as I await the inevitable impact of the hard concert below me; however, instead of feeling the hard ground, I feel two hands grab me around my waist.

As I collect myself, I begin to turn around to face the mysterious stranger who saved me from getting up in front of all my peers, except now I have to face the embarrassment of facing this faceless stranger. When I turn around, I'm greeted by a tall blonde in front of me. I looked up to meet her deep blue eyes, and my cheeks flushed as I saw the smirk and the worried look on the two friends who surrounded her.

Her voice soon invades my ears, and she says, "Hey, are you good? I'm Paige, by the way," her words embed themselves in my brain as I try to think of a plausible excuse. "Oh yeah, thanks, by the way, I guess I just got lost in thought, oh, and I'm Evelyn," the words wobble out of my mouth with a hint of embarrassment present. Her smirk grows after noticing the pink on my cheeks and the humiliation in my words.

"Well, Evelyn, this is Aubrey," she says, pointing to the tall girl on her left, "and this is Azzi," pointing to the stunning girl on her right. Gosh, why are they all so pretty? I think to myself. And tall, I wonder. "Well, it was nice to meet you guys, and thank you again," I say, turning back to Paige, "But I have to go to class now, sorry!" I finish before I pivot and stride away toward my Advanced Psychology class that I am now late for.

As I'm walking away, I catch Aubrey, I think, saying, "Well, she was nice, Paige." "Yeah, and the...," I hear the start of Paige's response before I'm out of earshot. I mulled over her words for the entire walk to my class; however, I was still curious about the blonde's words during my class. What was she saying? A plethora of options swirled in my mind, drowning out my professor's voice. Annoying? Weird? Clumsy? Ugh, I am never going to stop thinking about this.

Paige's pov:

"Well, she was nice, Paige," I hear Aubrey say as my eyes are still fixed on Evelyn's curly hair getting farther from us. "Yeah, and she was cute too. I mean, did you see how flustered she was?" I laughed, tearing my gaze away from her figure and focusing on Aubrey. I wondered if I would ever bump into the beautiful brunette again before Azzi interjected, "Yeah, but did something seem off about her to you guys? Cause it did to me." Aubrey and I shrug, and we continue walking to the basketball facility.

We arrive at 9:05 a.m., and as we walk into the locker room, KK suddenly shrieks, "Why are you guys late?" I begin to speak, but Aubrey interrupts me by saying, "We were on time, but then Paige performed the heroic act of saving a girl from falling, and we had to stay for a moment because Paige was staring at her after." she dramatically giggles out, while a blush rises to my face as I try to defend myself, only making my predicament worse. I hear a course of laughter coming from the rest of the girls in the locker room, and I give up and head to my locker, chuckling a little, recalling the look on her face.

The team and I walk out onto the court and start our warm-up. I run down the court, and I can't stop myself from wondering if I am ever going to see Evelyn again, I try to shake the thought and focus on basketball, but her face won't leave my mind. Suddenly, I am ripped away from my thoughts by the voice of my coach, "Bueckers, get over here!" he shouts from across the court. Oops, I guess my dissociation was a little too noticeable, I think as I jog over to him.

"Bueckers, I don't know what you are thinking about, but it is clearly not basketball. Go take five to get some water, and when you come back, I expect you to have your head in the game," he assertively says to me. I need to get her out of my head. I go over to the bench and try to think of anything else while I drink my water. I take a deep breath and head back onto the court with Evelyn tucked neatly into the back of my mind as I focus on the drills we are doing.

Soon, 11 a.m. rolls around, and practice finishes without any other issues. After chatting with a few teammates, I start the trek back to the dorms so I can shower. During the walk, I see the shiny brown curls of no one other than Evelyn in front of me. I walk faster so I can catch up to her, and soon, we are walking side by side. I look down and say, "Oh hey, Evelyn." She looks up at me, startled before her features soften in recognition, and she then replies, "Oh hey, Paige."

I watch as her eyes flicker down my practice jersey before asking me, "Oh, are you on the basketball team?"

"Oh yeah, I am," I reply, wondering if she didn't know who I was. "Is that why you and your friends are all so tall?" she asks, "Oh my gosh, no I'm sorry that was rude," she rambles out before I interrupt her, "Oh, you're good," I laugh out before adding "But yeah I guess," still laughing. I glance over and notice her pink cheeks before I realize I'm at the dorms. "Well, hey, it was nice talking to you, but I gotta go now," I say, looking into her eyes, noticing a glint of disappointment before it quickly disappears, and she replies with, "Oh ok, I suppose I should go too, my boyfriend is waiting for me." She then turns and walks away as I turn to walk into the dorms with a tinge of regret for not talking longer.

[gabessquishytum]

Insomnia + ADHD Hob.

Hob, who hasn't even been able to sleep for longer than two hours in ages because everything is so much louder in this century. He can't soundproof anything either because then it's too quiet. He's used to hearing birds and crickets. Used to the crackle of a campfire or the sound of rain hitting tree leaves.

Now it's cars, trucks, and people shouting. It's horns honking and engines revving, and motorcycles. It's the buzz of fluorescent lighting and helicopters going across the sky in the middle of the night (I don't know if that actually happens in the UK, but it does in the US 🙃)

Hob, who has tried every possible sleep drug and, short of being outright sedated (like, with a horse sedative), still can't stay asleep.

Hob, who is so exhausted at this point that the slightest problem can, will, and has sent him bursting into tears.

Hob, who is so exhausted that he's slipping in and out of Delirium's realm. Who has 'died' due to being unable to sleep more times than he can count.

Hob, who discovered he can only get to sleep, and stay asleep, if he's completely fucked out and unfortunately for him, very few people have his stamina (he realized this sometime while Dream was captured because he met Destruction, who was more than willing to fuck him until he passed out)

Dream, who discovers that the man who waited for him despite the way he stormed out, who built him a temple, who is his friend, who he loves and desires carnally, needs to be fucked until he passes out every night to be able to sleep? Oh, he can do that. Sure, technically, he could just use his sand, but he doesn’t want Hob addicted to it. Plus, Hob doesn't need to know that.

It starts out pretty easy. Hob is already beyond exhausted, and every nerve is sensitive for it, so it's not only easy to make him cum, but it only takes a few really good orgasms before he's out.

However, the more well-rested he becomes, the more difficult it is to get him to pass out. Good thing the sensitivity never actually goes away.

It gets to a point that Hob has to start 'turning in' early because it takes a good several hours before he's fucked-out enough to sleep; they have to keep water on the bedside table so that Hob can stay hydrated enough to keep going. He always starts by fucking Dream until he can't move; Dream usually rides him afterwards until Hob's cock is too sore (as Shaper of Forms, Dream's hole never loosens unless he wants it to.)

Then Dream starts in on Hob's hole. He usually begins with his tongue, making Hob cum a few times, before he adds fingers, and eventually his cock. Dream has no refractory period and doesn't get dehydrated, so he can spend as many times as he wants.

By the time Hob finally passes out, his hole is fucked loose and sloppy and he's full of so much of Dream's spend that he's got a belly bulge and they're both absolutely covered in each others cum.

Then maybe Dream uses Hob's hole a few more times for his own pleasure, as a treat; Hob certainly isn't going to notice a few extra loads inside him.

Dream cleans up everything except Hob's hole, which he usually plugs up until the morning.

Bonus: Hob who uses horse sedatives to sleep and Dream doesn't discover this until after he retires and becomes Hob's roommate. Dream discovers that once Hob is asleep, he won't wake until morning, no matter what. Dream, newly human and horny all the time, tries to resist... but he doesn't quite have the willpower or control he used to.

Hob actually knows exactly what Dream does to him while he's asleep (he's not that stupid) but he actually finds it really hot, so he doesn't say anything and just makes sure Dream always has easy access to him.

Maybe Dream eventually catches on that Hob knows. Maybe he doesn't. Either way, he uses Hob nearly every night before he goes to sleep; after all, he always sleeps better afterward, and he knows the importance of good sleep

(I am also the anon who sent the Hob begs to be bred, not knowing Dream can do it, and Dream DOES it ask. If it's not already taken, 🐺)

All of this is SO GOOD. I love the irony of insomniac Hob. His boyfriend is literally king of sleep etc but his brain is uhhhh not neurotypical and its all just a bit of a struggle.

Dream is DEEPLY confused but of course willing to help. If Hob needs to be fucked consistently for three hours so he can get a decent night's rest, then Dream is up for the job of assisting! He witnesses Hob in a tearful sleep deprived state one time and vows that it will never happen again on his watch.

Dream makes every night into a perfect experience for Hob. The bed is comfortable, the room is the perfect temperature. Dream smells amazing, his skin is cool and soft. Hob already feels wonderfully relaxed and his brain is finally winding down from the day.

Dream may be a wet cat man but his topping skills? Incredible. He rocks Hob’s world. He's got Hob into positions he didn't even know he was capable of. He's making him cum three, sometimes four times every night. Hob goes from exhausted and sleepless to passing out right there on Dream’s cock. And of course Dream keeps using him until he's done too, it's only fair.

Everyone comments on how well rested Hob looks these days. He just smiles and adjusts his belt, trying to get comfy with that massive load of cum still plugged up inside him. He's very much living his best life. He's so much more chilled out now he's getting a good consistent fucking, apparently getting railed by his dreamlord boyfriend is the key to good mental health!

[walkingintheheartbreaksatellite]

Heaven- Flicker Chapter 5

Warning. This chapter contains smut. Use of toys, teasing, fingering. Probably a bunch more. Language. Proceed with caution. Minors DNI

Friday, February 3rd. 8:30am

I wake up with the sun glaring in my eyes. I move to sit up when I feel something pulling me back down. I'm turned around only to face a sleepy Niall, who is squinting with a smile on his face.

He leans in and pecks my lips, sighing into the kiss.

"G'mornin' Em."

I smile and snuggle up to him.

"Good-"

Before I can finish, my bedroom door slams open and in stomps a fiery Jenny.

"Em, I can't fucking take them anymore! I swear to god I'm going to actually kill them!"

My mouth gapes open as I turn my head to her and she finally calms down enough to look at me clearly. It then seems to sync in with her that I am not alone.

"Oh... Well this is very awkward. Okay.. Um just letting you know, I'm gonna be burying some bodies. Cool okay so you guys have fun and um use protection!"

She rushes through her words and quickly leaves, though her embarrassment is clear on her face as she closes the door.

Niall and I burst out laughing and he hugs me tight.

"Should we go see what that was about?"

I giggle, running my fingers through his hair as I nod.

"I suppose we should before I find blood on my hardwood floors. But I think I need coffee now."

He smiles and nods, squeezing me one more time before he lets me go. I sit up, getting out of bed as I run my fingers through my hair, too lazy to grab a brush. I walk over to my dresser, pulling out Niall's sweatpants he gave me and a pair of basketball shorts.

"Babe."

He looks up at me from across the room as he rummages through his bag, just soon enough to catch him the sweatpants I tossed to him.

"Ah! Thank ya, Petal! Perfect! Maybe a shirt too? All I've got is polos."

I smile and nod, slipping on my shorts and throwing my hair in a ponytail before walking over to my closet. I pull out an old Fall Out shirt and hand it to him. He chuckles when he sees the shirt and shakes his head.

"What? Would you rather I give you a shirt with your face on it?"

I pull out my Midnight Memories shirt slightly and he throws his head back in a laugh.

"I'm fine, Babe. This is perfect."

I smirk and let the shirt go before closing my closet. He takes the shirt from me and quickly gets dressed, taking my hand when he's finished. I open my bedroom door and we walk down the hallway and down the stairs, reaching the living room.

Jenny is standing at the kitchen island, voice raised at she yells at Aleks and Zach. We walk past them into the kitchen and I start preparing my coffee when Jenny snags my attention.

"Em! Will you please remind these idiots about our rules for takeout containers?"

I sigh, setting down my mug as I lean on Niall. I turn around, all eyes on me and nod my head.

"If you didn't buy it, don't touch it. If you really want it, text the group chat and ask. If you're told no then it's no. Now can we chill out? It's way too early for this shit and I haven't even had coffee."

Jenny huffs and the boys, excluding Niall, groan. I pour creamer into my steaming coffee and stir it as I continue to talk.

"Zachary, you're replacing Jenny's sushi."

"How did you-"

With my coffee ready, I pull down a mug for Niall and step aside a little, giving him room to make his own before turning around.

"I'm not stupid? You ate my leftover Kura last week too but I didn't care and was in no mood to complain. You've been doing it a lot. Aleks ate my leftover Firehouse too. You guys just gotta get better about asking."

I begin to sip my coffee but stop mid sip as Zach lets out a snarky reply.

"Maybe you should be asking if you can have people over."

I drink the remainder of my coffee, setting my mug down on the counter behind me before grabbing the collar of Zach's shirt.

"Listen up, buttercup. Last time I checked, you're not paying rent on the house. I do, so I have a say in who comes into my home. And another thing! We never made a rule about bringing anyone home! You've brought all your girlfriends home! Check your bull shit at the door or don't bother coming home. I'm getting kind of sick of your attitude lately."

I let go of him and walk back over to Niall, leaning on him for comfort.He wraps his arms around my waist and holds me close, rocking me back and forth.

"I'm sorry... You guys were... Just a bit loud last night. We're all a little tired."

My face heats up and I bury my head into Niall's chest as his hold on me tightens.

"Um... 'M sorry about that. Not really used t' havin' others in the house. We'll try and keep it down next time."

Jenny snorts, Zach rolls his eyes and Aleks begins to make gagging sounds. I lift my head up and glare at them as Niall chuckles.

"You're children. All of you. I hate you."

Everyone laughs and Niall starts to rub my back when I hear a phone begin to ring.

I can feel it vibrating and that's when I realize that it's Niall's phone.

Welcome to the Hotel California Such a lovely place (such a lovely place) Such a lovely face Plenty of room at-

Niall sighs and reaches into the pocket of his sweatpants and pulls out his phone before hitting the green button and raising it to his ear.

"Yeah, what's up- What?! Yer fuckin' kidding me... Alright... Yeah yeah I'll be there soon. Okay... bye."

He hangs up and tucks his phone back into his pocket before wrapping his arms back around me and I look up at him and he stares into my eyes.

"M sorry Petal, but I have t' go. Somethin' went wrong at the studio and I gotta go fix it."

I nod, trying to hide my sadness. He lets me go and we head upstairs so he can get dressed. He quickly gets dressed and gets his things together, so we head downstairs. He waves to everyone, but only Jenny and Aleks wave back to him.

"It was nice seein' you all! See ya Sunday!"

I nod to them and open the door, walking Niall out to his car. He loads his bag in and opens the driver door before turning back to me, holding his arms wide open.

Tears threaten to spill as I walk into his arms and he squeezes me tight as I start to let out little sniffles. He kisses the top of my head and begins to rub my back with one hand and caress my head with the other.

"Shh I know. It'll be okay though, Em."

I pout and bury my head in his chest.

"Just... I'm gonna miss you a lot."

He pushes me away and before I can argue, he lifts me up and presses his lips against mine. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him in closer as my lips move against his.

He squeezes me tight before pulling away, setting me back down on the ground. He kisses my forehead and lets go of me, a small smile on his face.

"I promise, it'll go by fast. It's only 2 days. Think you can do that for me?"

I pout but nod my head.

He's right... It is just two day but the thought of him leaving... It hurts thinking about it, let alone seeing him leave...

With one last kiss, he lets me go and gets into his car, waving as he pulls out of the driveway. I sigh and head back inside, praying for the days to go by fast.

Sunday, February 5th 2:15pm

It's the day of the party and we've been running around the house all morning. Cleaning up messes the boys forgot to clean up and putting away all the miscellaneous shit that shouldn't have been out in the first place.

Jenny and Aleks went to go pick up the food and Zach is doing a last minute recording session, leaving me home to decorate and wait for people to get here. I finish hanging up some extra decorations Aleks had picked up when there's a knock at the door.

I look down at my watch and furrow my brows.

It's not even 3. Who could possibly be here?

I pin up the decorations in my hands and step off the stool before walking over to the front door and opening it. As soon as I see who it is, a wide smile makes its way on to my face.

Before I can say anything, arms are pulling me through the door, lifting me off the ground as I'm pulled into a tight hug.

"Niall!"

I look down at him and his comforting smile gives me butterflies. He holds me close to him and I take in his comforting scent.

"I missed ya, Em. Y've no idea how much."

I giggle and shake my head as he pecks my lips before putting me down.

"I don't know... I probably missed you a lot more."

He keeps an arm around my waist as we walk inside, Niall letting out a small laugh as I close the door behind us.

"That's one hell of a shirt, Em. Ya tryin' t' spread the luck?"

I look at him, raising a brow in confusion before it hits me.

Oh yeah. That.

"Hey! I got it for Christmas! It just felt fitting and I don't have a Lizzo shirt."

He laughs once more as I guide him over to the long couch and he takes a seat at the end, pulling me down into his lap.

" 'M just teasin' ya, baby. It's cute. Maybe you'll get one of me if I ever win one."

I look up at him to correct him.

"You mean when you win one. And you will. I know you will. But I will never be any less proud of you. I love your music and I will always be supportive of you."

He smiles and leans down, pecking my lips.

"Thought I's supposed to be the cheesy one in this relationship."

I giggle and cuddle up to him, shaking my head.

"No, sorry. I coined the cheese. You got your pretty looks and sexy voice without it. I got jack shit."

He lets out a loud laugh as he squeezes me tight. He than leans down to my ear and whispers something to me, causing shivers to run through my body.

"Now that's not true. Yer funny, kind and y've got no idea how sexy yer voice is t' me. 'Specially when yer moanin' fer me or sayin' my name."

"Ni-"

He begins to trace kisses up and down my neck before he settles on my collarbone and sucks on it.

"Missed my girl... So much. I think ya missed me just as much, didn't ya?"

I nod my head as continues to suck, letting out little moans as my toes curl.

"Ni- More. Please? L-like you did the other day?"

He pulls away from my neck and I pout as he turns me around in his lap so I'm facing him. He pulls me back in close and whispers to me.

"Ya liked that, honey? Ya liked when I ate ya out?"

I blush, nodding as he smiles and pecks my lips.

"Me too, Petal. Y've no idea how good you tasted on my tongue. Can I taste you, baby?"

Instead of answering, I grab his shirt, fisting it in my hands, and pull him into me, slamming my lips on his in a kiss. I feel him smile against my lips as he wraps his arms around my back, pulling me even closer to the point where there is no distance between us.

Our lips move in sync and all that can be heard is quiet moans and panting coming from our lips. Niall taps on my back and I hesitantly pull away from him, leaving both of us a panting mess.

"Hold on, Em. Let's... Let's go upstairs, yeah? Wrap yer legs around me."

I nod and do as he says. He holds onto me tight and stands up. Just as he turns to head to the stairs, the front door opens and I groan. In walks a horrified Rico and a very confused Aaron.

Niall puts me down and I get flustered, turning to yell at the two men in frustration.

"You idiots! You don't live here! Why didn't you knock?!"

Aaron covers his mouth to hold back a laugh and Rico shouts back at me, totally out of character.

"Nuh uh, missy! You're still a little girl! No sex for you! Stay little forever!"

He pulls me away from Niall and holds me in a protective but possessive embrace, one arm around me and the other on top of my head.

"Aaron... Be my voice of reason, please! This is embarrassing..."

Aaron laughs and I look at Niall with a pleading look on my face. He simply smiles and nods. I manage to get out of Rico's monster hold and leap to Niall, who catches me in his arms. Our attention then turns to the other two men, Aaron with a hand now on Rico's back.

"Listen, buddy. She's not a baby anymore. She can take care of herself! Trust me, especially because it's me. I'm her older brother. Let's give him a chance."

Rico sighs and slumps where he stands, nodding his head before he straightens himself. Niall lets me going and I walk over to the other two, pulling them into hugs.

"I love you both, you know that. But Niall is important to me, and I want you to like him and get to know him."

I pull away from them and they nod and I make my way back to Niall, who happily takes me back into his arms, my back resting against his chest and his arms around my waist.

Aaron and Rico walk up to us and shake hands with Niall, introducing themselves.

"It's nice to meet ya. But I do have a question. I thought ya only had sisters, Em. Aaron is your brother?"

We all laugh and I shake my head, turning in his arms and patting his chest.

"I've known Aaron the longest out of anyone. My whole career. We were both itty bitty fetuses when we started and he was the closest to my age and wasn't trying to parent me. So he kind of took me under his wing and we pretty much just became siblings."

Aaron smirks and nods.

"That's true. In fact, I've got a shit ton of embarrassing videos and pics from the years and I've got time."

Niall and Rico laugh and I just scoff.

"Don't forget, I know where you sleep Aaron Mitchell and I have your mother's number. Try it, I dare you. "

I glare at him, only causing him to laugh more. Before I can say anything else, the front door opens and in walks Jenny, Aleks, Zach and the rest of the people that were invited.

We get the food set up and then everyone settles in the living room as Aleks sets up the projector. I cuddle up close to Niall as he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. With a bowl of popcorn in my lap and snacks shared through the room, all eyes shift to the screen to see the awards starting.

"Hey, Niall, did you ever go to the Grammys? Seems like something you would've done over the years, right?"

Aleks looks away from the screen to look at Niall, waiting for an answer. Niall gives him a small smile and shakes his head.

"No, never. One Direction was never nominated and I've never been nominated as a solo artist."

I smile and kiss his cheek.

"Yet. You will be, though. You're gonna kick ass too."

Niall laughs and pecks my lips and it's quiet for a minute until Rico says something.

"Wait... You were in a band?! And you're a musician?! I thought you were just a normal dude!"

We all laugh and I can't help but snort.

"Rico, I swear to god. I used to talk about him all the time before I met him, do you not listen to me?"

He shrugs and shoves a handful of popcorn into his mouth, returning his attention to the screen. We spend the rest of the night cheering and dancing as awards are presented. When Harry wins album of the year, Niall gives me a bear hug, a huge smile on his face.

"He really deserves that. That album was something else!"

I smile and nod, kissing his cheek as he holds me close. We all hang out for a bit until Rico and Aaron decide to head home, due to it being almost midnight. Aleks gets up from the couch, stretching as he begins to make his way to his room with Jenny and Zach following him to their own rooms, leaving Niall and I alone.

I cuddle up to him and he squeezes me tight, planting a kiss on the top of my head.

"It's late, do you wanna stay the night? I think I've got some of your clothes in my dresser."

I pull away and he nods with a smile, before taking me back into his arms and picking me up, carrying me to my bedroom as my laughs echo through the hallway. When we get inside my room, he puts me down and heads over to my dresser to pull out his clothes while I throw the extra pillows off my bed.

"Em."

I turn my attention away from the pillows and when I look at Niall, seeing what is in his hand, my face burns up.

That's... That's the vibrator that Jenny gave me... She had accidentally bought an extra and couldn't return it and forced it on me...

"Um-."

"Ya don't have to hide from me, babe."

I turn my attention back to my bed, now embarrassed as I continue to prep my bed for sleep.

"Forget it, Niall. I haven't opened it. Just pretend like you didn't see it and put it back."

"Did ya... Do ya want me to use it on ya?"

I drop the covers as I turn back to him, my cheeks bright red and my mouth gaped. He steps closer to me and I start to get a little nervous.

"I-I've never used it.. Used any... How would-."

"Do ya want me to, Petal? We don't have to, but if you and to try, I would love to help ya..."

I bite my lip and advert my eyes to the floor as I nod. Niall pulls me into his arms, both hands on my waist as I look up at him and he looks down with a smile.

"Can we try something else, Petal? I wanna see ya. All of ya. Can we... Are you comfortable enough to do that now?"

I bite my lip once more before pausing.

"Could you... do it first? T-take yours off... J-just not your underwear."

He smiles and nods, quickly removing his shirt and his shorts, leaving him in his boxers. He turns his attention back to me and I slowly remove my shirt before unbuttoning my jeans and stepping out of them, leaving me in my bra and panties.

"Can those come off too, Baby? I want to see you. All of you. I want to see my girl."

I give him a nervous nod and I reach around my back and attempt to unclasp my bra with shaking hands. Niall puts his hand on mine and gives me a smile, somehow giving me the push I needed to relax and give in.

He unclasps my bra and pushed the straps off my shoulders, causing it to fall to the ground. I pull down my panties, leaving me completely naked in front of him. He pecks my lips a few times before he guides me over to my bed and we sit down. He pulls me into his lap, my back to his chest and my cheeks start to burn up again.

He pulls the toy out of the packaging as he starts to rub my back in a comforting manner.

"Hey, Petal. Ya got any batteries? I need two AAA."

I nod and lean forward, reaching into the nightstand closest to me. I pull out the batteries and hand them back to him. He puts them in and I hear a faint buzz before he turns it off again.

"Okay, pretty girl. I gotta make sure yer doin' okay, first. You want me to touch ya a bit before we start?"

"P-Please. I'm a little nervous..."

He leaves a couple kisses and I feel a finger start to rub on my clit, causing me to gasp and lean more into Niall.

"Dirty girl. Did ya get this wet jus' thinkin about me touching you with your little toy? God baby, you're practically dripping."

I let out a quiet, breathy moan as he continues to torment my clit with his finger, only pushing his finger an inch in before pulling back out.

"N-Niall, please. I-I've wanted you all day. Please... I need more, I'm ready. Please touch me..."

He sucks on my neck as he turns the vibrator back on, slowly bringing it to my clit.

"Alright, baby. Im gonna start ya on the lowest setting and we'll work our way up to more. But ya gotta keep quiet, remember?"

I bite my lip as he places the vibrator on my clit. My breath hitches as he begins to rub it up and down, the unfamiliar feeling threatening to send me over the edge already. He turns up the setting more and I have to swallow a moan as I throw my head back onto Niall's shoulder.

"Okay pretty girl, I'm gonna throw ya a bit of a curve ball. Think ya can handle it?"

I nod and I squirm in his hold. He smiles and pushes the vibrator onto my clit a little more.

"That's my good girl. Ya see that mirror right in front of us? I want ya to watch what I'm doing to ya. Keep yer eyes open and on us. Every time ya look away, I stop. Think ya can handle that?"

I nod my head as I curl my toes, my eyes opening and looking into the mirror.

"Words, baby. I need to hear you."

"Y-Yes, I think I can do that."

I see him smile in the mirror as I feel him turn the settings up. I throw my head back, letting out a quiet moan until I feel the buzz between my legs stop.

"Niall!"

"Eyes on us, Em. Eyes on us."

I look back into the mirror and as he rubs the vibrator on my clit, I start to find it hard to breathe.

"Niall-."

He hushes me and turns the vibrator onto the highest setting, causing me to squeal and once again, throw my head back into his shoulder as my toes curl at the unbearable pleasure. Until he stops. Again.

"I'm not gonna tell ya again, pretty girl. Look at what I'm doin' to ya. Yer probably close, right? Yer gonna be a good girl. Since ya can't seem to look in the mirror, yer gonna turn around. Yer gonna look me in the eyes and stroke my cock while I fuck you with this little toy of yours. And yer not gonna come until I say. Understood?"

I nod my head but instantly whine as he turns the vibrator off again.

"Y-Yes."

"Yes who? I can't hear ya much, Petal."

"Y-Yes sir, I understand."

I feel his cock harden against me before he quickly flips me around and kicks his boxers off before I can even blink. He turns the vibrator back on and I spit in my hand before placing it on his cock. We give each other a knowing look before starting.

I stare into his ocean eyes as I start to stroke his hardened cock, already dripping with arousal as he starts the vibrator again, pushing it back against my clit as he starts to rub it up and down. It only takes a few minutes but I feel as if I'm about to burst, and I think he is too.

"Fuck, baby! Doin' such a good job fer me. I think I'm gonna come, are ya ready baby? Where do ya want me, Petal?"

"God, Niall! Fuck! P-please! On me! I'm close too!"

His other hand finds my clit as he continues to pleasure me with the small toy.

"Come for me, baby. Come with me."

With one last pump of his cock, Niall comes all over my chest and it drips down my breasts, onto my stomach. I let go of his cock and grab onto his shoulders, riding out my own high as I come all over the vibrator.

"F-Fuck! Niall! I-I! I feel so!"

He hushes me as I come undone, whispering words of comfort.

"I know baby, I know. You did so good. Just let go fer me."

He tosses the vibrator off to the side and we both look down to see one another coated in the others come.

"F-fuck Petal, ya squirted on me! Fuck that's hot."

I let out a small, breathy laugh before falling back into my bed, my arms spread out. Niall gets up from my bed and grabs a towel from my closet. He wipes himself off before he comes back over to the bed and gently wipes me clean.

"Ya did good, Em. So good. I'm proud of ya."

I give him a small smile and he walks over to my dresser, starting to pull out clothes, but I stop him.

"Hey... Ni? Can we... sleep like this? I want to be close to you..."

He smiles and nods, shutting my dresser before walking back over to the bed and he gets under the covers. He pulls me under the covers and pulls me close, laying my head on his chest and he begins to rub his hand up and down my back, causing me to drift to sleep.

————————————————————————

February 11th, 2023 Animate Columbus Columbus, Ohio

I'm currently at another convention, this time for Galaxy Con in Ohio. It's late though and everything is starting to settle down, especially for a Saturday, so I send Penny, my assistant, to fetch us some dinner while I check my phone.

Upon seeing my most recent text notification, a smile appears on my face. Niall.

I open his text and begin to text him.

You're kidding me... Right? There's no way he's actually torn up about this.

I sigh as I text him back and settle on FaceTiming him. My phone barely rings for a second before he answers and I see his face appear on the screen, his eyes lighting up the second he sees me.

"There's my girl!"

I giggle and shake my head at him as I hold my phone in my hands.

"Hi Ni. You miss me that much?"

He throws his head back in a laugh before shaking his head.

"No! More! Oh, forgot t' ask ya. Valentine's Day, can ya take it off?"

I open my mouth to say something and I suddenly remember.

Shit! My mom's birthday! I'll be home! Crap.

"Actually... about that. I totally forgot but I don't need you to pick me up Sunday. I have another flight to catch. It's my mom's birthday on the 13th and I promised her I'd be there to meet her new boyfriend. And I won't be back until the 15th..."

He frowns and nods in understanding. My heart drops seeing him so sad when I suddenly think of something.

"Hey! Why don't you come home with me! My mom already knows you but now you can meet her as my boyfriend! And you can meet my sisters and my nephews! That way we can spend Valentines Day together too! That is... If you don't have anything planned."

His eyes light up once more and he flashes me his gorgeous smile, never ceasing to make my heart melt.

"I'd love to! If yer willin' to have me, then fuck yes! Maybe you can show me around-."

I notice a little girl and her brother I assume, start to come up to me, cosplaying as one of my characters. I cut him off for a quick second so I could talk to them.

"Hey Niall hold that thought a quick sec, just a quick sec, baby."

He nods and I lay my phone on the table so he can still see me but I turn my attention to the little girl in front of me.

"Hello, Gorgeous! What's your name?"

The little girl smiled shyly and I can barely see her, so I get up, coming around the table to kneel to her height.

"L-Lily! Y-You're Nezuko, right?"

I giggle and nod as I start to talk to the little girl and her brother.

"Alright Miss Lily. Here you go! Can I take your picture with your big brother really quick? Is that okay? I'd love to show Tanjiro!"

I look to her brother and he nods with a smile. He picks her up and I take a quick picture of them before waving goodbye.

I sit back down and pick my phone back up, my attention back on Niall, who has a huge smile on his face.

"What's got you so happy, mister?"

He shrugs, his smile only growing as his chin rests in his hand, propping himself up with his elbow.

"Nothing. Yer just cute. 'Specially around kids."

I blush and let out a small laugh.

"Well, I have to keep up with being the best auntie ever so I have to be good with kids! Besides, they're cute! I love kids!"

He smiles and nods and we continue to talk for a bit until I decide to head to bed. I pack up with Niall still on the phone, bidding Penny a goodnight as I head back to my hotel room above the convention. I continue to talk to Niall as I change and he whistles as I take off my shirt.

"Oh hush, you horn dog! You'll get this tomorrow. Oh wait, no you won't!"

He pouts and rolls his eyes.

"That's yer fault. Ya can't stay quiet so we can't do it when we're at yer mom's. Since ya insisted we haaaaad t' stay in yer old room and not in a hotel."

I laugh as I slip on his shirt that I stole, kicking my shorts off before burying myself under the cold covers. I hold my phone up so he can see me, though the room is dark.

"I think you'll survive. I'll make it up to you when we're back in LA, okay? Now I gotta go to bed, you dork. So I can see you tomorrow, remember? We'll meet at baggage claim?"

He nods and blows me a kiss.

"I'll be there. Now get some rest. I'll see ya tomorrow, Petal. Sweet dreams!"

I blow him a kiss back and wave goodbye before hanging up.

————————————————————————

Sunday,February 12th 6:30pm

When I wake up the next morning, my day goes by fast and suddenly I'm landing back home, headed to baggage claim to meet Niall. I look down at my phone for a second to text him and before I can, I'm tackled in a hug and lifted off the ground. Panic quickly fills me until I see who it is.

"Niall James! You scared the absolute shit out of me! Meanie! No kisses for you!"

He lets out a laugh as I lightly smack his chest before he puts me down and leans in, giving me a passionate kiss.

"You wouldn't do that, Em. Ya missed me too much."

I roll my eyes and peck his lips once more before taking his hand. We grab our bags pretty quickly and head outside. I start to search through the lines of cars outside the terminal when I spot hers. Niall and I walk over to her car and as soon as she spots us, she parks and gets out of the car.

She holds her arms out to me and I give her a hug, letting her squeeze me tight as I take in the familiar scent of home. She finally lets me go, but not without leaving a kiss to my forehead.

"Ugh my baby! I missed you! I'm so glad you're home! And Niall! It's so good to see you! I'm really happy to see you both together!"

Niall smiles and gives her a small hug. They let go after a minute and we put our things in the car before we get in: Niall is in the front with myself in the backseat. We all talk as we make our way to my moms house and when we pull into the driveway, my sister is out front with my nephews.

As soon as my mom puts the car into park, I quickly unbuckle and get out. James, or Jamie as we usually call him, runs to me squealing with the biggest smile on his face. I tear up as I pick him up, holding him close as I press kisses to cheeks.

"My monkey! I missed you so much!"

Katie laughs and shakes her head as she walks over to me with Oliver in her arms, who reaches out to me. We laugh and I adjust Jamie on one side because taking Ollie in my other arm, so I'm now carrying both boys, loading them with kisses as they giggle. My mom and Niall grab our bags from the car and when Niall sees me, he flashes me a smile.

Katie raises her brow at me and we all walk into the house. I put down the boys, my back hurting as I lean into Niall.

"Okay sorry, I needed my catch up on baby cuddles. I will be needing more, but my back can't take it right now. Katie, this is my boyfriend, Niall. Niall, this is my sister Katie and my nephews: Oliver and James."

Niall laughs and shakes Katie's hand and gives Jamie a little fist bump, making him giggle. We then carry our bags to my room and when Niall sees it, he laughs.

"Seems like you were just here, Em. I can definitely see this being you."

I blush and shrug. We push our suitcases under the bed and then down, the mattress causing us to bounce just a little. I sigh at the comfy feeling as I lean against Niall, who wraps his arm around me and kisses the top of my head.

Hey holds me for a minute as we sit in a comfortable silence until my mom calls us for dinner. I sigh and we stand up, though Niall takes my hand with a soft smile and leads me to the kitchen where our mouths. Fucking. Drop.

My mom sees me and she walks over with a smile.

"Oh! Emmers! This is-."

"Joel fucking Miller. Ho-ly shit, Ma."

Pedro lets out a laugh and my mom looks confused.

"Now I know for a fact that you lied when you said you watch every stream of mine. I freaking played The Last Of Us last week, Ma. I talked about how I've been watching it?"

She gives me another confused expression and I let out a small sigh and turn my attention back to Pedro, who gives me a smiles as he holds his hand out to shake my hand.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Emily! Your mom has told me so much about you!"

I shake his hand with a small smile.

"I wish I could say the same! All she told me was she was seeing some super nice guy and that she liked him! Shame shame, madre."

She flips me off and we laugh, and Niall steps closer to me so he's now at my side. He shakes Pedro' hand and introduces himself with a smile.

"Niall Horan. It's really great to meet you!"

"You too! I feel like your name is really familiar but I can't really put my finger on it. What do you do for a living?"

I pat Niall's back lightly and plant a kiss before going into the kitchen to help my mom.As they talk, I help my mom unpack dinner and set the table before she calls everyone to the table. Jamie runs over to me giggling so I pick him up, planting a raspberry on his cheek before setting him in his chair.

Niall pulls out my chair for me and I kiss his cheek before sitting down, scooting myself in as he sits down next to me. Just as I'm about to dig into my food, my mom clears her throat to get my attention and I look up at her.

"We're saying grace, missy."

I scoff and shake my head.

"You know, as someone who has never been a dedicated Christian and even raised her own daughter as a jew, I'm calling bull. Since when are you this religious?"

She sighs and shakes her head. I start to take a drink of my water as I wait for her response.

"About the passed year. I got more involved a little after Pedro and I started dating."

I choke on my drink and start to cough as I hear the words leave her mouth. Niall pats my back and looks at me with concern but I shake my head.

"So what you're telling me is you don't want to talk to me anymore? You told me you were dating someone 2 months ago. Never gave me his name, never really told me anything else other than that he was good to you. You don't even talk to me anymore. Is it all just about Katie and Claire now?"

My mom huffs and snaps back.

"It wouldn't be this way if you hadn't have left! You couldn't wait to leave! I knew I never should've let you do voice acting! You could've been so much better and I failed you! So yes, I don't talk to you! Sometimes it hurts to even think about you! Raising you was the hardest thing I ever had to do and you always made it harder! I couldn't have a life because you couldn't be alone! So yeah, forgive me for wanting to keep this from you so I could actually be myself for once and not have to be your mom!"

Tears threaten to spill from my eyes as she finishes. I can't even bring myself to say anything. I simply stand up from my chair, pushing it back in and walk to the door. Niall stands up to follow me, taking my hand but I wiggle out of his grasp, shaking my head.

"Niall, please, not now. Just...Not now."

Niall's POV

"Niall, please, not now. Just...Not now."

She grabs her keys and heads out the door, my heart splitting as I watch her leave. The rest of the house is silent for a good minute before I can't take it anymore and I decide to say something. I stare straight at her mother, and I just let everything go.

"Ya know, she tries hard to please ya. All the time. She wants ya to be proud of her but she feels like ya don't care. She just wants ya to be interested in what she does! She's amazing at it! And she loves to do it! I love seeing her so passionate about what she does and that's all she wants from you! I know she hasn't told me everything but she does try for ya. She misses the relationship she used to have with ya, and she was really trying. I hope for yer sake, she's willing to forgive ya."

I can see tears in her eyes but I turn away and head out the door myself to look for Emily. I'm not even a foot from the house when I hear someone calling my name. It's Katie, Emily's sister.

"Niall, wait-."

"Look, if yer gonna try and convince me to apologize, I'm sorry but I can't."

She shakes her head and folds her arms.

"No, she deserved that. She asked Claire and I to not say anything to her about Pedro. Since Em moved... It's been hard for my mom. She was angry even though she agreed to let her leave. She was mad that she wanted to. She'll never admit this to Emily but at first... She regretting getting pregnant with her. Emily's dad... He's serving a live sentence. He killed a lot of people and my mom didn't know that when she met him. But she felt bad and allowed his family to see Em when she was younger. That sparked a lot of problems. She's very insecure now and I just... I don't know what to do to help her... And I hate seeing them at odds like this."

She wipes the tears that have fallen down her cheeks before she continues.

"I came out to give you a few places to check for her. She'll most likely be at the park though. There's a giant Willow tree there and she used to hang out there all the time when she got upset. I'll stay here and talk to my mom."

I nod at her, giving her a small smile as thanks before running off to go find my girl. After about a 15 minute walk, I reach the park and I let out a sigh of relief.

Just as Katie has said, she's under the Willow tree, her knees to her chest with her head down. I sit down next to her and hearing her quiet cries breaks my heart. I pull her into my lap and she starts to panic, but I hush her calmly. I begin to rock her back and forth and I start to softly sing to her.

"When you feel your love's been taken, When you know there's something missing, In the dark, we're barely hanging on. And you rest your head upon my chest, And you feel like there ain't nothing left-."

Her cries only get louder and I pull her to my chest, holding her tight as I continue to sing to her.

"I'm afraid that what we had is gone... Then I think of the start, And it echoes a spark. And I remember the magic electricity. Then I look in my heart, There's a light in the dark."

She begins to settle down, only faint sniffles coming from her as she adjusts herself in my arms so she sees my face.

"C-can you keep going?"

I give her a smile and I nod, adjusting her in my arms before continuing once again.

"Still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me. That I wanna keep-."

I look into her eyes and I hear her quietly whisper, her voice full of sadness as she holds back her tears.

"Please don't leave..."

I lean down and peck her lips before whispering to her.

"Never. I'm always here for ya, Em. No matter what."

She sniffles, laying her head on my chest as we sit in silence for a few minutes until she speaks up.

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry you had to see that... I just.. I wish I was good enough for her. Like I don't care that she's dating Pedro Pascal but she never told me anything! I just-."

She begins to tear up again and I rub her back as I continue to rock her. After a few minutes, her phone starts to ring and she reluctantly answers, she talks for a minute before looking back up at me.

"Katie asked if we could come back... My mom wants to apologize and talk to me..."

I kiss the top of her head as I squeeze her tight.

"Whatever you want to do, Petal. I'm here every step."

She cuddles up to me and she's quiet for a second before she pats my chest.

"Could you- could you carry me back? I think my legs are still a bit shaky..."

I chuckle and adjust my hold on her before standing up and making the trek back to her mom's house. As soon as we arrive at the house, I see her sister standing outside waiting for us. As soon as she sees us, she lets out a sigh of relief.

We head inside to see her mom on the couch and Pedro in the recliner in the corner of the room. I set her down on the couch and before anyone can say anything, my phone starts to ring. I pull it out to see it's Paul.

Emily squeezes my hand and gives me a small smile.

"Go, it's important. I'll be okay."

I give her a look filled with worry and she just puckers her lips. I roll my eyes playfully and peck her lips a few times before going outside to answer the phone.

Emily's POV

After a long, tear-filled conversation with my mom, I'm feeling a lot better. After hugging it out, she decides to head to bed early but Pedro stays up.

"Hey Emily, I was wondering. Would you want to maybe go out and get some ice cream? I've gotten to know your sisters pretty well in the past year and I was hoping you and I would be able to do that."

I nod with a smile and he smiles, grabbing his car keys before we head out the door. When we walk out, I see Niall still on the phone, leaning against the garage. I lean up to him and plant a kiss to his cheek. He lowers his phone down and I whisper into his ear.

"We're gonna go get some ice cream. I'll be back in a little bit."

He nods and pecks my lips before opening his mouth to ask what I already know he's going to ask.

"Wi-."

"Yes, I will bring you back a couple scoops of Cookie Dough. Don't stay out here too much longer or the mountain lions are gonna eat you."

He rolls his eyes before raising his phone back to his ear and I walk to Pedro's car, giggling like a child. We get in and we chat as he drives. He pulls up to the shop and my mouth drops.

Icicles? How the hell-.

"Did you-."

He only smiles at me as he parks the car.

"I heard you mention how much you missed it to your mom once on the phone so I thought this would be a good choice."

I smile and we both get out with Pedro locking the car before we head inside. We get our ice cream and find an empty table to sit at.

"Hey... I'm sorry about dinner. I don't usually like to confront things but I guess-."

He smiles and shakes his head.

"You have nothing to apologize for. I love your mom, I do. But she definitely had it coming. For the record, she is proud of you, but she feels like she failed you. She thinks you're capable of so much more and she said that she regrets letting you leave.."

My heart drops and I try to fight the tears threatening to spill.

"Is that why she won't talk to me anymore? Because I do try... I try to talk to her and I just can't reach her anymore. I found out you guys were dating like 2 months ago and I didn't even know you were... Well... You."

He sighs and nods as he leans back into his chair.

"Your mom and I talked about that after you left. She wants to try better. She wants to be there for you."

I take a bite of my ice cream before speaking again, trying to push down all my feelings in the small bowl in front of me.

"And you? What do you think?"

He raises his brows for a second, shock evident in his expressions before he smiles.

"What do I think? Well... I think you killed it in Assassination Classroom. That second to last episode was brutal."

My mouth gapes and he laughs.

"Y-You've... You've seen my work?"

He nods with a smile and I can't help but smile as well.

"I have. I've got nieces and nephews that watch anime and they like a lot of different ones. Attack On Titan was a bit brutal for me but I thought you did great. Have you done any non-violent ones though? I don't think my heart can take much more."

I laugh and we continue to talk and eat our ice cream.

"Hey, so I wanted to talk to you about something serious."

I give him my undivided attention, a brow raised as her sighs and looks into my eyes.

"I want to propose to your mom tomorrow. Your sisters have already given me their blessing but I wanted yours as well."

My mouth drops a little and I start to choke. I cough into my arm a few times before regaining my composure.

"Wow... Okay. Sure? I mean you seem great and she seems to really like you... I'm just a little surprised you asked me. I am the child that she didn't mention."

He shakes his head with a frown.

"You're important to your mom, so you're important to me. I care about your sisters as if they were my own. Of course they don't need me to be their dad or anything-."

"She told you about him... Didn't she?"

He gives me a somber expression as he nods, causing me to let out a sigh.

"Yeah well that's what happens when you open your legs for the next guy you see. She was freshly divorced and itching for another kid. Big mistake that was."

"But you wanted one... right?"

I let out another sigh but I can't bare to look at him.

"When I was a kid, yeah. But it was a stupid dream...What are you trying to say?"

He sighs and hesitantly puts a hand on top of mine.

"Only that you don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm gonna be here for you. Maybe we can go from there?"

I snort and shake my head.

"Pedro, are you trying to steal someone else's kids so you can have your own? Is that why you're with my mom?"

He blushes, his eyes widening as he fumbles his words and I start to laugh.

"Well I-."

"I'm just fucking with you! She does the same thing! And that's really sweet of you to offer and I'll definitely think about it..."

He smiles and we talk for a bit longer before we decide to call it a night. I quickly order Niall's ice cream and we head back to my mom's house. Pedro playfully ruffles my hair and says goodnight before he heads into my mom's room.

I laugh as I open my bedroom door and I see Niall sitting on the bed.

"What's so funny?"

I blush when I see him, shaking my head as I walk in, closing the door behind me. I walk over to the bed and hold the ice cream out to him.

"Nothing. Here's your ice cream."

He takes it from me with a smile and I move to my bag and pull out clothes. I quickly change and go back to the bed where Niall is still eating his ice cream. I climb on the bed and over Niall, sitting down in the open spot.

Niall holds out his spoonful of ice cream to me and before I can take a bite, it starts to drip on my chest, causing me to gasp.

"Niall!"

He laughs and puts his cup down on the nightstand before turning back to me. He pulls me into his lap and slips the straps of my dress down my shoulders. He lowers his mouth down and begins to lick up the ice cream that spilt. I let out a small squeak as his licks turn into sucking and he pins me down on the bed.

"I thought you said I couldn't keep quiet."

I smirk and he smiles, hovering over me.

"Yeah, I did. But I had a thought. And I need my girl real bad. Wanna try somethin' new?"

I bite my lip and nod, already feeling myself start to heat up. He smiles and before I can blink, he flips us over so I now sit on top of him. He then leans in a little bit and starts to whisper to me, his sultry voice making me wetter.

"Alright, baby. I'm gonna move ya, okay? We're not takin' our clothes off but it's still gonna feel good."

I nod, biting my lip as he positions me over his crotch. I can already tell what he's planning, so without further instruction, I lower myself onto his hard on and I start to move back and forth on him. He groans quietly and I hold back a moan.

He grips my hips and starts to help me move on him, dipping my hips a little. He holds me close as I continue to grind on him, and he smashes his lips against mine in a hot kiss.

He starts grinding into me and I moan into the kiss, my toes curling at the intense feeling. He pulls away from my lips, panting and whining a little.

"F-Fuck, Petal. I'm gonna-."

I nod and pull him back into a kiss, grinding harder on him. I moan into his mouth and he groans, squeezing me tight as we reach our highs. We pull away, panting as I flop on my spot of the bed. Niall gets up and pulls some towels out of my closet before pulling out a new pair of underwear for each of us.

He comes over to me and gently slips off my soiled underwear before gently cleaning me up and slipping on the fresh pair. He then cleans himself up, throws everything into the hamper and then crawls into bed next to me. He pulls me into his arms and lets out a content sigh.

"That felt really good, Ni. I-I was a little surprised but... Wow."

He nuzzles his head into my shoulder, pressing a kiss to it before he lets out a small chuckle.

"Me too, Petal. I missed ya... So much."

Before I can respond, I hear the sound of his soft snores, signaling he fell asleep. I cuddle up close to him and close my eyes, falling asleep in his arms.

—————————————————————————

February 14th, 2023 5pm.

The day had mostly gone by fast. We had a small family get together to celebrate my mom's engagement and then everyone else parted ways, leaving Niall and I alone in the house.

He walks up to me, in casual clothes, and plops down next me on the couch.

He leans over and presses a kiss to the side of my head as he pulls me into his arms.

"Take out is ordered, should be here in about 20. Are ya pickin' the movie?"

I curl up in his embrace and nod against his chest.

"Yeah, I figured we could watch a few comedies. Oh shoot! I forgot your present!"

He chuckles as he watches me shoot up from the couch. I race to my room, grabbing his present as I hear a knock on the door. When I re-enter the living room, Niall is unpacking our take out and setting in on the coffee table.

I hold his present behind my back as I walk up to him and he turns to face me with a smile. 

"Whatcha got there, Em?"

I unveil his gift and he smiles. I hand it to him and he opens it, tearing up immediately. I made a scrapbook of us, with little cute notes and plenty of empty pages to be filled.

"Do you... Do you like it? I know it's not really anything elaborate or expensive but I-."

Before I can finish, his lips push against mine as he engulfs me in his arms. He pecks my lips a few more times before he pulls away, still holding me in his arms.

"Are ya fuckin' kidding me, Emily? I love it! This has t' be one of the best gifts I've ever gotten. And I can't wait to put more pictures in it."

He kisses me one more time before pulling away.

"Lemme go get yers, really quick."

I nod as he walks off and I sit down on the couch. He comes back as I start to dig through the bags of food and I look up to see him holding a small bundle of items: a blanket, a small teddy bear and my favorite chocolates. I take them from him, tears threatening to spill.

"I know it's small, but I promise it's not everything! Just what I could do since we're not home. I promise when we get back-."

I put my gifts aside and pull him into a kiss, shutting him up. He sighs and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. Our lips move in sync until we're rudely interrupted by my mom's cat clawing at my leg. I pull away from Niall, groaning in pain.

"Lucas! You little shit! Naughty kitty!"

I pull away from Niall and deal with the cat before dealing with my bloody leg. When I come back into the living room, Niall has everything ready and it makes me tear up. I cuddle up to him on the couch and he hands me a bowl.

We curl up and eat as we watch movies and as soon as I finish eating, I set my bowl on the coffee table.

"Hey.. Niall? I have a question for you."

He puts his bowl down on the coffee table before he turns to look at me expectantly.

"I have an event... On Saturday. It's a premiere... For one of the animes I'm in. I was wondering... If you maybe wanted to go with me? I know it's like a public event but I just wanted to ask..."

He smiles and pulls me into his arms, pecking my lips softly.

"I'd love to. Don't think I have anything that day. Lemme know what yer wearin' so I can match with ya."

I smile and nod, hugging him before laying my head on his chest. We silently watch the movie until he pops a question.

"Hey... Em? I've got Late Late on Thursday night into early Friday morning... Ya know.. Heaven and all... Come with me. Please?"

I lift my head and look at him in shock.

"Late Late? Niall... That's a really big deal... Are you sure you want me there?"

He smiles and places a kiss on my forehead.

"Yer the only one I want there."

I smile and nod. He hugs me closer and I lay my head back on his chest. We continue to watch movies until about 11pm, when he taps me on the back. I look up and he stares into my eyes.

"Ya know... Pedro said he and yer mom were stayin' in a hotel tonight... So we're alone. And I got ya somethin'. Thought we could try it out."

I raise my eyebrow but I nod. He smiles and picks up the remote, turning off the tv before throwing it back onto the coffee table. He then adjusts his hold on me and stands up, carrying me to my bedroom as I laugh. He sets me on my bed and I lay back as he pulls something out of his suitcase.

He pulls out a small box and walks over to me, a small smirk on his face.

"I want ya to take yer shirt and skirt off fer me. Can ya do that, Petal?"

I nod with a blush, quickly removing them before throwing them in a random corner of my room. Niall whistles at my appearance.

About a week ago, Jenny and I went lingerie shopping and I bought a few sets since I didn't have any. I wore a white set today.

"Ho-Ly shit, Em. Is that new? God.. Ya look... Fuck..."

I blush as he walks closer and sits on the bed. He holds out the box to me and I hesitantly take it. It's a small-ish 'u' shaped vibrator.

"Y-You got me a vibrator?"

He smiles and shakes his head.

"I got us a vibrator. This one specifically can be controlled from m' phone. So when I'm gone... 'Specially on tour... I can still make ya feel good. But this one... It's a little extra special. Remember how I made ya feel good with m' fingers in ya?"

I blush and nod, biting my lip at the thought.

"Well... This one goes inside ya a little bit. Just like my fingers did, only a little deeper. Ya wanna try it?"

I nod quickly and Niall smiles. He opens the toy and sets it up, quickly installing the app on his phone and syncs it. He tests it out a few times, changing the settings. I only grow more wet from the sounds. He then sets it down and lays down, his head close to my clit.

"Fuck... I haven't even touched ya yet and yer soaking through yer panties, babe."

He runs his finger up and down the wet spot of my panties, teasing me before he pulls my panties down and throws them somewhere in the room.

"Alright, baby. I gotta stretch ya out a little bit, okay? Just like I did last time. If it hurts, don't be afraid to tell me."

I nod and he looks at me, nodding when I give him another nod of approval. He begins to tease my clit now, running two fingers up and down before he pushes them in all the way. I gasp a little but he continues, moving them around.

He makes a 'come hither motion and I let out a little squeak. He moves his fingers in and out until he slowly adds in a third. I throw my head back, moaning quietly.

"F-Fuck.. Niall.."

He smiles and shushes me before adding a fourth finger. I grasp the covers underneath me, trying not to wiggle at the pleasure.

"Fuck! N-Niall! I think I'm!"

He pulls his fingers out and I let out a cry of frustration. He smirks, grabbing the vibrator and quickly slips it inside me, though he keeps a hold on the other end. I gasp, throwing my head further into the bed.

I feel... So full... And it's not even that deep...

"Be a good girl. Ya gotta make it to the highest setting. Don't come until I say, okay?"

I nod and bite my lip. He smiles and grabs his phone, turning the vibrator on to the lowest setting. He teases me with it for a few minutes, pulling the vibrator in and out just a little as it vibrators against all the my sensitive bits.

"Yer doing so good. Hold on just a bit longer, okay?"

I nod and he turns it on to the highest setting. Pleasure shoots up through my entire body and I begin to shake a little.

"F-FUCK! NIALL!"

He starts to push the vibrator in further and I move my hips to meet his movements. I moan loudly, letting out curse after curse.

"Fuck! Haa! Baby! Please! I-I can't! Shit, Niall!"

"Fuck, yer so sexy. Come for me, baby girl. Ya deserve it."

The second the words leave his mouth, I let go, my toes curling as I writhe in pleasure. I slowly calm down, a little overwhelmed with that being the hardest I've ever come.

"Shit... God Em. Ya fuckin' squirted, baby. Ya know how hot that is? God I love it when ya do that.F-Fuck..."

He pulls the vibrator out of me and I whimper at the loss before quickly adjusting again. I slowly sit up and grab Niall.

"Let me help you, Ni. I wanna make you feel good too."

He smiles and shakes his head.

"I'm fine, Petal. I don't need ya to. Today was about you. Lemme get ya cleaned up. We gotta be up early to leave in the morning."

I pout but nod. Niall cleans me up with a towel before sliding my panties back on. He wipes off the vibrator and puts it back into his suitcase before changing himself, since he was now covered in my release.

He finishes packing up and then gets into bed with me, pulling me into his arms. With a kiss to my forehead, he turns out the light and we fall asleep to the sound of each other's breathing.

Thursday,February 16th. 4:40pm

I finish putting on my makeup, checking myself out in the mirror before deeming myself ready. Just as I grab my person, my phone dings.

I smile when I see it's from Niall, quickly texting him back before I leave my room. I walk down the stairs and grab my keys before turning to Zach.

"Hey, Zachy? Would you please pick up my dress when you go pick up your shirt? I'll Venmo you some gas money."

He gives me a thumbs up from the couch but then turns with a questioning look.

"Where are you going? I mean I don't mind but why can't you get it?"

I sigh as I slip on my heels.

"It wasn't ready before and I'm not gonna be home until late tomorrow.I'm not gonna have any more time. Please?"

He groans but nods. I rush over to the couch and reach over from the back, giving him a small hug. I then let him go, quickly leaving the house. I walk down the driveway and see a Black SUV. The back door opens and out comes Niall, looking hot as ever.

He smiles when he sees me and holds his arms out to me. I walking into his comforting arms and he quickly wraps me up tight. He kisses me, lifting me up a little before pulling away.

"Wow Emily... You look... You look breathtaking."

I giggle and peck his cheek.

"You don't look too bad yourself, slugger."

He chuckles and squeezes me before helping me inside the vehicle. He introduces me to his manager who is sitting in the passenger seat and we all talk until we arrive at the studio.

Friday,February 17th 2am

The night goes by pretty fast and quick into the morning when we finally leave. Paul drops us off at Niall's house and the second we step into his bedroom, we collapse on the bed, still in our clothes.

I groan as I roll onto my back, reluctantly getting up. I kick off my heels and strip out of my dress before tossing it to the side and raiding Niall's closet. I slip on one of his t shirts before coming back out to see him in just his boxers sitting up tiredly against the headboard.

I smile as I climb onto the bed and curl up next to him. He wraps an arms around my waist and just as we're about to lay down, I remember something, my body instantly shooting back up.

"Shit! Heaven is out now!"

Niall groans and tries to pull me back down but I push him away and grab my phone.

"Em, please. It's so late-."

"Nope, I'm listening to it right now."

He sighs and I pull open my music and sure enough, it's the first song sitting in my recently added. I press play and shivers run through my spine as it starts.

Strange light revolves around you You float across the room Your touch is made of something Heaven can't hold a candle too You're made of somethin' new

I lay there quietly as it plays, nodding my head to the beat. Once it's over, I plug my phone back and and I hug Niall right, finally laying back down with him.

"What'd ya think, baby?"

I peck his lips with a small smile before laying my head on his chest.

"Perfect. Just as I expected."

He squeezes me lightly in his arms until he slowly lets go, the only movement coming from him is his breathing as he sleeps. I smile to myself and lay my head over his heart, falling asleep to my favorite melody.

Saturday, February 18th. 2pm THE ORPHEUM THEATRE Los Angeles, California

Niall and I step out of the SUV and onto the red carpet. This isn't my first movie premiere for an anime I've been in, but it is my first time bringing someone with me that wasn't already in the cast.

Niall gives me a comforting smile as we walk down, taking pictures, both together and with the cast, and I do a few small interviews.

I get to the last interview, a young woman named Natalie, who has interviewed me at almost every premiere I've had. She gives me a soft smile and I return it.

"Emily! It's always so good to see you! And you look incredible, as you always do!"

"Thank you Natalie! So do you!"

She smiles and nods.

"So, this is big for you! Demon Slayer has absolutely blown up! As one of the producers of the anime,as well as the darling, fierce Nezuko, did you ever think you would get this far?"

I giggle and shake my head before answering her question.

"Not really. I have loved it from the very beginning, but I don't think anyone expected it to blow up as much as it has."

She asks me a few more questions before getting to the one I've been waiting for.

"I see you've brought someone with you tonight!"

I nod with a small smile. I look at Niall for reassurance and he nods with a smile, so I turn back to Natalie.

"Yeah, this is my boyfriend, Niall."

Natalie nods with a small smile.

"Have you seen the series, Niall? What do you think about your girlfriend's role in it?"

He smiles and squeezes me tight as he answers.

"I think she's doin' an amazing job. I love the show, for sure, and I can't wait to see what's next."

Natalie smiles and jots down a few notes before looking up and gesturing to her photographer.

"Would you mind if we took a photo of you both?"

We smile and shakes our heads, cuddling up close for the picture. We then wave goodbye to Natalie and head inside the theater. We take our seats with Niall on one side of me and Bryce on the other.

When it's finally over, we all head back to my house for the after party. I change out of my dress into something more comfortable and when I come back down, Niall is chatting with Bryce and his wife. He smiles when he sees me and pulls me into his side, a drink in his other hand.

"There she is! We were just talkin' about ya."

I giggle and shake my head. We start to chat and Zach walks by, a glare present on his face. He grumbles something but I manage to catch it.

"Yeah, that's all you do. Use her to stay relevant."

I growl and grit my teeth, scolding him.

"Zachary, shut it before I throw my shoe."

He rolls his eyes and shrugs as he grabs something from the fridge.

"You're just mad that I'm right. Get over it."

Before I can yell at him again, he walks away and joins a group, starting to chat with them. Niall lets me go and refills his drink, filling it all the way before he chugs it.

Throughout the night, I fight back the urge to smack Zach as he continues his attitude towards Niall, and Niall continues to drink. I hadn't kept a good enough eye on him and now he's so sloshed, he can't stand straight. I hold him up, deciding it's time to take him home.

"Ya know... I don't understand why ya keep him around, Em. He's an asshole. And ya let him get away with it..."

I sigh, trying to shrug off his words as I get him into my car, buckling him before getting into the drivers seat. He continues to drunkenly ramble until we reach his house and he lets out a groan.

"I know Niall, hold on. Let's get you inside."

I get out and help him out before walking us to the front door, unlocking it with his keys I snagged from his pocket. I struggle, but I manage to get him upstairs and into bed. 

I get him a glass of water from the kitchen as well as some Advil, leaving it on his bedside table. I sit down on the edge of his bed for a minute, running the day through my head when he interrupts me.

"Ya know, maybe he's right. Ya let him talk like that to me, about us... Maybe yer the one using me...Maybe ya are too young... Maybe-."

I wipe the tears from my cheeks and stand up, not even responding to him as I storm out of his house. The second I'm in my car, I breakdown completely. I reach for my phone and call the one person I can think of. My mom.

Too shaky to hold the phone up to my ear, I place it on speaker as it rings, and eventually it's answered. I try my best to calm my breathing, but I let a shaky cry.

"M-Mama-."

"Emily? Are you okay?"

That's not my mom... That's not even female.. Is that-

"P-Pedro?"

"I'm sorry, Emily. Your mom left her phone at home. She won't be back for a while. Are you okay? You sound like you're crying..."

I sniffle and let out a whimper, and I feel like I can't breathe.

"Mija, listen to me. Take some deep breaths okay? In for 4, hold for 4, out for 4. Can you do that for me?"

I let out another whimper but I nod, doing as he says. After a couple breaths, I'm able to calm down enough and I pull out of Niall's neighborhood, Pedro still on speaker.

"T-Thank you.."

I hear him sigh through the phone and I sniffle as I drive.

"Of course, mija. ¿Qué pasa? Why are you crying?"

I sniffle wait I start to explain to him the events of the night and I hear him let out another sigh.

"I'm so sorry he said that, Emily. I'm sure he didn't mean it, but it doesn't make it easier to hear."

I stay silent as I drive, only letting out little sniffles.

"Are you going to go home? If I were you, I would want to cool off, not be around your roommate for a bit."

"I think... I think I'm gonna go stay with someone else... I really don't want to go home... I'm just so hurt... I'm angry and I'm frustrated... I feel betrayed..."

"Well, whatever you decide to do, you know your mom and I will support you. I head back to LA in about a week. We'll get lunch okay? Talk some more. I'll next you my number from your mom's phone. If you need anything, anything at all, you call me, okay?"

I sniffle as I pull into the parking lot of my friend Christina's apartment complex. I park my car and sit there for a minute before I answer him.

"I will, I promise. I just got to my friend's place. I think I'm gonna try to get some sleep. I'll keep you and my mom updated and I guess I'll see you next week?"

We say goodnight and hang up before I get out of my car, locking it and heading up to Christina's door. I knock softly and it quickly opens to reveal the tall, dark haired woman.

Before I can say anything, she pulls me inside and wraps me in a tight hug. It's only then that I start to fall to pieces, and I know I won't be okay.

WC 12,912

————————————————————————

Please like and reblog! I’d love to hear what y’all’s thoughts are!!!

Tag List!

@harrysmimi @violetsandfluff @be-with-me-so-happily @swiftmendeshoran @strwbrrydaydreams @kaminokatiee @buffysimonriley @freedomfireflies @babyiamperfectforyou @fruitmans @fruitmansrecs

[mazeinthemiroh]

together, we watch the sun rise.

Genre: Fluff, a bit of crack

Word Count: 1k

Requested?: Yes

Synopsis: Jeongin decides to go on a trip with you despite having to wake up extra early. And, you know what? It was all worth it.

Warnings: None

A/N: This one's short but sweet. It's very much a spring fic because I am sooooo ready for spring and I'm trying to manifest warmer weather because i am currently shivering IN MY OWN HOUSE. anyways, rant over. i hope you enjoy this fluffy fic :]

Jeongin would never have thought he would have the motivation to get up in the early hours of the morning. But when it came to you, he didn't seem to care half as much.

"Come on, it'll be fun," you said with a big grin as you wiggled your eyebrows at him, hoping that the little gesture would persuade him.

"What's in it for me?" He teased as he crossed his arms over his chest. He knew he was going to say yes to you because, of course, he would never turn down an opportunity to spend time with you. But that didn't mean he was going to give in that easily.

"Oh, gee, I don't know, how about spending one-on-one quality time with your partner?" Your hands slid to your hips as you jokingly glared at him, "but hey, if that's not a good enough reason maybe you should find a new partner."

Jeongin chuckled and rolled his eyes at your dramatics, "I'm only joking, you idiot!" He grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer to him, "I would love to come."

And so here you both were, driving out of the city and on your way to the countryside before the sun had even risen. No, Jeongin would have never thought he would wake up this early at all. But he was with you, so he needed to trust the process. And so he let himself

Although his eyes were tempted to close as you sat in the driver's seat, eyes focused on the road as the soft, chill playlist sounded through the car, he resisted going to sleep. He didn't want to be too tired for what was about to come.

Time seemed to dissolve and the view soon changed from a city scattered with buildings and lights, to the dark countryside, sprinkled with hills and greenery as far as you could see.

"We're here... sort of," you said through a yawn as you parked up. Jeongin's eyes scanned the outside of his car.

You both were, indeed, in the middle of nowhere. Jeongin didn't know whether to feel terrified of his new environment or relieved for being free from its business.

Getting out of the car, you grabbed each other's hands and set off on your new journey, not quite at your final destination yet.

Using your phones as flashlights, you watched your step as you began to ascend a very tall hill. The sky was barely beginning to show signs of light, remaining dark as you trudge your way up. It took some walking at first. Actually... it took a lot of walking. It was steep too. Walking up a tremendously big hill did not look easy. If you were by yourself, you probably would've given up. But neither of you felt the strain in your legs or the burn in your calf muscles because both of you were distracted by each other's company and the conversation you shared. Travelling as a pair felt less like a want and more of a need. You couldn't imagine enjoying yourself any other way.

And then you both made it, to the very top. You collapsed on the grass and spread yourself out like a starfish, trying to catch all the breath you had lost on the ascend. Jeongin plopped down next to you, also trying to regain his breath, but chuckling lightly at your exhausted state.

After a handful of minutes gone by, both of your breathing finally evened out. This was when you could fully appreciate the scenery before you. The countryside, with its rolling hills and scattered trees, places to explore in the forests and farms and fields of flowers. Over the great expanse of greenery, you could see the city from where you and Jeongin just fled. It felt weird seeing it like this; above and away from it all at once.

The sky got ever so lighter.

"What a view," you gasped, eyes fixated on the beauty before you.

"Yeah," Jeongin breathed out dreamily, only he wasn't looking at the view.

He was looking straight at you.

Feeling his gaze, you turned to face him, brushing his arm lightly with your hand as you felt your cheeks heat up.

"You're not here to gawk at me, Mister!" You laughed playfully, feeling your heart flutter as Jeongin grinned shyly.

"Hey, you're my only view~" he said playfully, grabbing your waist and pulling you closer to him on the grass. You tried to object but you couldn't help but melt into his softness.

"I like the view right now~" you sang obnoxiously loud in his ear, making him wince slightly.

"Gah, Y/N, you ruined the romantic moment!"

"Was that your attempt at romance?"

You both burst into laughter. You were convinced you had woken up a couple of livestock that minded their own business from the bottom of the hill. Certainly woken up a few sheep because your laughter bounced off the hills and ran through the quiet, morning countryside.

The sky got noticeably lighter. The moment you had both been waiting for.

"Look!" You interrupted the fit of laughter as you point to the orange eruption in the sky: the sun was rising.

The pair of you grew quiet as you set together, hand in hand, staring at the great expanse of the sky. There were little swirled clouds that twirled like smoke, caressing the face of the sun as it rose slowly. With each passing second, the sky would change ever so slightly. Dark orange to light orange to a peachy colour, pinks tickling the white clouds that rose with the sun. Then a yellow set in, and soon the sky had a creamy hue, the sky getting lighter and lighter still.

This very natural recurring earthly moment for some reason felt very small and intimate, as if it were a performance for just you and Jeongin to watch.

He turned to you, the smile on his face soft as he kissed your cheek, making you turn to him and return the kiss, this time on his lips.

Why did everything feel so calm? So perfect? You sighed into the kiss as you released his hand, tangling your own hand in his hair. Your mouths moved in perfect synchronisation, slow and easy.

He was the first to pull away, just to look into your eyes as they sparkled in the new sunlight.

"We shouldn't definitely do this again."

taglist: @hearts4sungie, @seokshineswiftie, @alyszaen, @jtrstp, @a-wandering-stay, @leeknowww, @hyungenie5, @hanstan127, @strayteez3staner

[aajjks]

TC!Junngkook

Oh shit! Jungkook, you scared me nearly to death! What are you doing up? Hey… Calm down baby, I’m okay. Breathe baby, Jungkook breath. I was just worried about you. You have been acting stranger ever since you received that letter this morning and since you have refused to tell me what it said, I can to find out for myself. I couldn’t find it but I was about to come back to you. I’m sorry for scaring you baby. I thought I would have had enough time to come and find the letter before you woke up. We can talk in the morning, let’s just go to back to bed. I promise I won’t leave your side without telling you. I’ll never do it again. Please don’t be mad at me for worrying about you. I’ve never had this much fear over losing you. Normally you’re always in control or at least always could at pretending everything is okay, this time you’re not. It’s obvious something serious was said to you but I’m not use to being this worried. I’ll make it up to you- I swear. Yes, let’s go back to our chamber now.

*As Yn and Jungkook make their way back to their chamber, lighting struck one of its brightest strikes of the night. If only the little lamb and her protector had stayed behind long enough to witness the outline of a man behind the Kings office curtains. Right next to the long forgotten empty closet. The couple arrive at their chambers and craw into bed. This time the King makes sure his Queen is asleep before shutting his eyes. This time though, he’s unable to fall asleep. He couldn’t shake the fear of Yn being taken right from under him. Heart still beating from the fear and adrenaline. Between thinking about the man harming his wife and the fact that he, himself almost harmed her… He couldn’t sleep. He wonders if this is the hurt the man wrote about. Is he playing mind games? Does he want the Jungkook to go insane? Or is he trying to make him so paranoid he is the who hurts Yn? By the time morning comes, the King is still wide awake. Knowing he needs to get up and figure out a way to catch this bastard he gets up and gets ready to start the man hunt. But not before waking the Queen up. She will remain by his side every second of everyday until they catch this man. Maybe even long after aswell. The King and Queen arrive down to the kitchen to retrieve their breakfast before their meeting with Dace about the patrols of last night. Normally the King skips on it since he wakes up so early and begins work immediately but for his Queen, she must eat her meals and take care of herself. He checks daily to make sure she’s ate her food down to how much water she drinks. She has always been his number one priority. Jungkook and Yn have assigned plates that were hand crafted just for the two, as a way for everyone to know who gets fed first and in case the royal leaders want something special made just for themselves. Jungkook took his normal jet black plate with scrabbled eggs and toast and some apple juice. Yn grabs her pastel pink plate with pancakes and cut up bananas along with her milk. They decide to eat their garden away from everyone else.*

I really am sorry about last night Jungkook. I didn’t mean for you to become that scared.You’re the one he’s after and I just wanted to know why. The guards didn’t tell you were I had went did they? Well actually, I didn’t tell them where I was going. I don’t think I did at least. Well, what’s your plan? These pancakes are so good. I think they’re a new flavor. Here baby, try some. Do you have a way to track him down? Jin and Yoongi said he stayed down by the bakery right? The cooks. I love them, I cook with them all the time. But back to what I was saying, they saw him right? Or at least who they were suspicious of? Well, there’s something I have to tell you about last night… Uhm… Hold on… I just… I can’t breathe- Right now… This milk- It takes different… I think-…

*Queen falls unconscious dude to the lack of oxygen. Unknowingly, the milk she just drank was hazelnut milk. Hazelnut is banned from the palace from how badly the Queen is allergic to it.*

It’s a new day so Jungkook doesn’t really feel like bringing up the events that took place last night, it shouldn’t have happened, but he apologized for it and like the good girl you always are for him we just went back to sleep.

Yeah, he might’ve stayed awake to make sure that you did but it was worth it. Whenever he’s near you, he feels like he can breathe. And especially ever since someone has threatened to hurt him in the worst way possible and the only way to do that is to hurt you..

He knows that threat was for you.

And right now he feels a little calm because you are both in the garden, eating pancakes, and the flavor is delicious but he doesn’t really feel that hungry, he will not calm down- not unless he catches that bastard.

“Oh yn sweetheart I’m so full I can’t eat anymore- yeah what is it that you wanted to tell me though? Ahh… umm wait is everything OK? YN?!!” he calls out your name but you just lose your consciousness but before you could hit the ground, he catches your head and now you’re laying in his lap while he’s freaking the fuck out screaming out his lungs

Jungkook calls for the physician and the guard guards, but soon he takes away the glass of milk from your hand and suddenly everything clicks, so to confirm his doubts he sniffs it.

“GUARDS!! who the fuck brought this milk to her-“ he is screaming and he knows how much you hate him when he does that but right now you’re literally unconscious and it’s like his worst nightmare is coming to life.

Jungkook is running with you in his arms like a maniac, his guards are following after him, and one has gone to fetch the physician

“WHO THE FUCK gave Hazel nut milk to the queen and when everyone of you knows that the queen is allergic to it?! WHO DID?! I WANT THEIR HEAD!”

[sweetmusingss]

I giggle softly when hearing your words to me. “Yeah, well, I am not always a morning person either but I used to be so happy going into those early shifts because I got to have your iced coffee and see you. I love being a pain in your ass and that’s never going to change, baby,” I tease you, pecking your lips gently. “I always found it really fun getting on your nerves. It’s so easy to get under your skin. And I loved thinking that I was annoying you enough that you would have no choice but to think about me later that night. I wanted to live rent-free in your head like you were always in mine,” I smirk softly at you, throwing my legs over your lap as I moved closer to you. I was still wearing my cut-offs so my tan legs were just thrown over your lap and I knew how much that made you weak. “I have to drop Noah off for his art class in a bit if you want to check in with the diner at all, baby,” I say, placing my hand on your cheek as I stared lovingly into your eyes.

“Oh, you definitely lived in my head. You can ask Chris, I talked about you non stop but it was just straight complaining. I really didn’t like you.. or well, I thought I didn’t like you when in reality I was getting more and more of a crush on you with every passing moment and every annoying comment.” Seb chuckled, cuddling you in as you put your legs over his lap, his hands resting on your long legs. “Yeah, I guess I should probably make sure the place is still standing. I trust Kirk but not that much. Two days without me is the longest the diner has ever gone without my presence... I can only imagine the state that it’s in currently.” 

__

Emma was so turned on hearing that you had fantasized about her doing this again. She loved knowing that you were thinking about that night the two of you shared together just as much as she had. She told herself that it would never happen again but that wasn’t on her mind at all now. Of course it was going to happen again because as much as she tried, she could not seem to stay away from you. She stared up at you with a dark and lustful gaze, slowly sliding her tongue inside of you and beginning to eat you out, gripping hard onto your thighs. She moaned against your core, using her thumb to slowly rub your clit, eager to hear you moaning and whimpering for her. She loved feeling like she was completely in control and watching you react to her.

We fool around for the rest of the night, ending up in her bedroom. We were both lying back against her pillows panting, trying to catch our breath. I look around her room, taking this time to actually take in my surroundings since last time I had no chance to. She had tons of books and photos of her and her friends, recognizing Regina and the other women from the diner but not knowing them personally. Her room was disorganized but in a cute way, Emma being the type to just put stuff down haphazardly, not having any sort of order or logic to where she placed things. I look over to her, biting my lip since this was the moment when she told me this was a one time thing last time, waiting for her to say something along those lines and we’d both get dressed and she’d drive me home. I didn’t want to leave, I wanted to sleep here and wake up next to her, but I wasn’t going to push my luck. “Now I know for future reference that white wine and Disney movies get you going.” I giggle breathlessly, smiling up at her sweetly.

[tubatwo]

sunlight - huening kai

summary: a very sunny morning in bed with kai

pairing: gn reader x huening kai

genre: fluff and tiniest bit suggestive; 0.6k words

a/n: writing hyuka again because he’s on my mind 24/7 NINGDUNGIES I WILL SAVE US FROM THE FIC DRAUGHT also i mentioned pokemon again so think of this as a little continuation if you’d like!

you wince slightly and groan in your sleep as sunlight hits your eyes, and you try to find a comfortable position again. you and kai had stayed up until the early AM playing pokemon scarlet and violet together. you both were struggling with certain gym leaders and refused to sleep until they were finally defeated. you hear a small snort as what previously felt like the strongest sunbeam in the world suddenly disappeared. you peek one eye open and see kai’s large hand blocking the sunlight.

‎

‎

“hyuka?” you roll over to face him. even though the physical sunlight may have no longer blinded you, seeing kai’s sweet smile in the mornings always made you feel as if you were still bathing in it. “yes, cutie?” he asks while softly fixing your hair.

“you’re awake already? and you just had to let me sleep until-” you glance over your shoulder to read the clock on your nightstand.

8:30 AM

“oh, it’s still early..” you cover your face with the covers as kai lets out his famous laugh. “yah, you just woke up and you’re already ready to scold me?” you shake your head in denial and lightly slap his arm. “I thought it was the afternoon! you know we stayed up late last night...” kai leans over to plant soft kisses on your lips.

“exactly, so you should get some more rest.” he continues, “I should have never asked you to play with me! you’re more addicted than I am.” you ignore his teasing and lean back over to meet his lips. soon enough, he’s hovering over you as you two exchange sweet nothings through each kiss. your hand quickly finds his hair, and he lets out a quiet whimper as your fingers lightly scratch his scalp. you pull away and leave a soft kiss on the bump of his nose. “we both need some sleep, you know.” you remind him. he nods in understanding, despite a small part of him wanting to take things further, and goes back to spooning you.

“hey,” you begin. “were you just going to hold your hand up forever while I slept?” kai chuckles at this and shakes his head, even though you can’t see him. “honestly, I was waiting for you to fall asleep again so I could get up and close the curtain.” you nod.

“so,” you hesitate. “could you get up and close it now?”

silence.

“well, to be honest, I don’t really feel like it anymore…”

“babe!” you whine and lightly slap his arm once more. if any of the boys were to wake up, all they would hear is the sound of you and kai giggling obnoxiously. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry!” he apologizes while trying to catch his breath. this was always the highlight of both of your days: waking up together. even if you both had duties for the day, even if you were in a rush, even if you were only able to lie in bed for a mere two minutes. every second mattered. every glance, every giggle, every touch. and every day was another reminder that you wanted to do this for the rest of your lives.

eventually, your giggles die down, and the only sounds in the room are his soft breathing and fabric ruffling from him rubbing your tummy. “I love you so much.” you feel his breath on your neck. you roll over again to look at the angel you were able to call your boyfriend. “I love you too, hyuka.”

you end up hugging each other as you drift off to sleep. the sunlight was no longer blinding you, but snuggled in your arms instead.

[earthtooz]

𝗕𝗔𝗕𝗬 𝗜𝗧'𝗦 𝗖𝗢𝗟𝗗 𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗦𝗜𝗗𝗘 !

in which: nagi doesn't want you to leave, not when it's cold outside.

warnings: fluff! clingy!nagi, based off the song but i tried to make it less creepy and more endearing...??? kissing, teasing each other as one does, gn!reader, 1k+ words

a/n: oh my god this nagi day actually drained the living daylights out of me. scraped this together and it's UNEDITED! take this, this is all that i have and all that i am.

˗ˏˋ XMAS MASTERLIST ´ˎ˗

As the credits of the movie roll down the screen, you finally gaze down at Nagi who’s spread on top of your body, happily napping with his ear over your sternum. A sense of reluctancy tugs at your chest knowing that you’ll have to wake him up and leave but you have somewhere to be tomorrow morning so you prefer to get home now rather than later.

“Hey, Seishiro,” you whisper, rocking him back and forth on the shoulder, hoping that the sensation might stir him from his sleep rather than the weather reporter of the TV Channel you were currently watching. 

Thankfully, it does and you’re greeted with a pair of grey, sleepy irises, with sleep lines still evident on his face from your shirt. “What’s up?” he asks, looking around. “Oh the movie’s ended already?”

“I need to leave.”

That causes him to wake up pretty easily as his eyes widen a little in alarm. “What? No, why?” He whines, a pout forming on his lips.

“I have somewhere to be in the morning and I need to wake up early.”

“Why can’t you stay the night?” 

“It’s further away if I go from yours. It’s harder to get to with public transport and there's no parking.”

“I can drop you off.”

“Sei, no, don’t be ridiculous. It’s earlier than when you normally wake up.”

“I wake up at 12, everything is earlier than when I wake up, but I’ll do it for you.”

You smile sheepishly at him, unable to resist running your hands through his hair gently because of his last statement, but when Nagi closes his eyes once more, you come to realisation that you probably shouldn’t give in so easily.

“No- Nagi, it’s okay,” you insist, trying to sit up with your boyfriend still splayed on top of you, an action that rewards you with a grunt of protest as he sits back on his knees that were on either side of your legs. Even though you were still trapped by him, at least you could now breathe without him weighing down on your lungs. “You don’t need to drop me off, you should rest up and be on your A-Game for practice.”

“I’m always on my A-Game,” he grumbles unhappily, shuffling off you to sit properly on the couch. “You don’t need to worry about me, pretty.”

“You make it hard for me not to,” you retort before standing up, stretching the ache out of your limbs whilst Nagi stares at you from his position, not happy with the idea of letting you leave for the night.

“It’s not me you need to worry about if you leave,” begins Nagi as he stands to his full height, immediately closing the gap to slouch over your back. He gestures to the falling snow outside the window of his apartment and how frost has freezed the corners of his window. “It’s cold outside.”

“Doesn’t matter, won’t bother me too much.”

That only causes him to hold you tighter, pulling you into his chest. “But you’ll catch a cold.” 

“I have enough warm clothes, besides, I can borrow some of yours if you don’t mind.”

The colourless-haired boy groans at your evasion before grabbing your hands successfully and encasing them with his. You didn’t realise how cold your hands were before his warmer ones held them, mixed with the delicious warmth radiating from him on your back, it felt like a heater was draped over you, but you knew all too well what Nagi Seishiro was trying to do. 

“Why can’t you stay just a little longer?” He pleads, rubbing circles near your wrists. “We can watch an episode of that show you really like-”

“No, Nagi,” you say sternly but gently. “We’ll end up watching the whole season and even though I’d love to, tonight is not the night.”

“How about some hot chocolate? Or tea? I went out to buy some packets of your favourite.”

Turning around in his grip, you resist the urge to pinch his cheeks because of how adorable he is. “You’re insistent tonight,” you tell him, placing a kiss on his nose that has him scrunching it, a faint smile making its way onto his expression. “Guess you just like me too much.”

“You don’t like me enough if you don’t want to stay the night,” he grumbles.

“Oh no, you’ve figured me out.” 

“Fine, leave me. See if I care,” Nagi huffs, glaring at you with his arms crossed over his chest.

The image of a 6’3 grown man pouting at you was too entertaining to not giggle at. “Perfect. Well, I’m gonna go home now so see you later, babe.”

“Wait, I didn’t mean it, don’t actually leave. It’s cold outside.”

“I can see that.”

“So why are you still leaving when my apartment is so much warmer and nicer?” Every step you take away from Nagi seems to be fruitless, especially as he uses his longer stride length to round around you, blocking you from the door. “Just stay a little longer, but staying the night would be better.”

You huff, willing your resolve to not crack, especially when he’s looking at you with doe eyes. Trying to manoeuvre around him, your attempts are blocked when the soccer player wraps you up in his embrace, pulling you into his familiar figure once more. You can’t help but laugh when you clumsily stumble into him.

Honestly the idea of Nagi driving you tomorrow morning instead of taking commute was way more ideal but you felt bad and the prospect of bothering your athlete boyfriend from his usual routine made you feel a little guilty. However, as he looks at you with such earnest yearning, it’s progressively getting harder to say no to his demands. 

“Fine,” Nagi surrenders. “If you won’t stay the night can I at least get some proper goodbye kisses? In case you catch pneumonia and I won’t be able to see you for a week.” 

Laughing once more at his silliness, you nod as a way of expressing consent. You could nullify his persistence with kisses at least. Cupping his cheeks, you lean in to press a kiss to his lips, one that has him completely melting against you as one of his hands snake up to the back of your neck. He tries to mould himself completely into you, even when you pull away to signal the end of the kiss, distancing yourself before Nagi can invade you completely.

“Not yet,” he murmurs before drawing you in one more time. 

Sensing where this is going, you lead him to the couch, an action that Nagi immediately understood and guided you to the piece of furniture better than you could have ever. He didn’t even need to see where he was going either, truly, a genius.

Then, a weather report breaks the tranquillity of the apartment.

“It has been advised by the government that locals do not leave their home as blizzards are starting to pick up with conditions remaining this way until morning-”

You can feel Nagi’s shit-eating grin before you see it and when you turn to look him in the eye, you know that you’ve lost, giving in when he lunges himself at you to splay all over your body now.

“Baby it’s cold outside,” he mutters.

“Looks like I’m staying the night.”

“How unfortunate.”

[askinkiskarma]

lllicit Affairs | Chapter VI: Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: You and Neteyam both have a dark secret that would change everything between you - and neither of you are willing to share.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, Lo'ak x reader, jealous!Neteyam, both main characters thirsting for each other, mentions of lab work, disease, blood, cursing.

Word Count: 7,2k words

A/N: Chapter 6 is the chapter that sets EVERYTHING in motion for what's to come. There is a LOT to come, a lot of drama and angst, maybe some smut (? 😉) and this chapter is meant as a stepping stone to the beginning of the end. Also, realised I forgot to ever mention, that if the dialogue is ever italicised, that usually means the conversation is in Na'vi, I don't know how I have never made it clearer, but here we are.

Thank you so much for everyone who's been reading and asking to be tagged, I never expected this to gain any traction and I am so grateful for people enjoying it x

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave you too much but it wasn't enough But I'll be all right, it's just a thousand cuts

One second. 

“Just one second, Neteyammm!”, you whined, as he was trying to remove the blanket from your currently very comfortable and very warm body. 

“It’s late, come on! Early bird catches the worm, isn’t that what you people say?”

“Nobody says that, I don’t know who told you this lie.” 

“It was you!!” he says, and he’s laughing at your whinging while trying to remove the blanket. He’s not trying that hard, considering he would make an easy job out of the task if he used a tenth of his actual force, but he couldn’t bear the thought of bringing you any unnecessary distress. You had enough of that in your life, and he wanted to be a source of comfort for you, a shelter in the storm. 

You scooted on one side of the bed close to the edge, and left a big gap which you brought to his attention by patting it aggressively. 

“Press the button on the audio player and lay with me, please? I don’t feel like going out today.”

He couldn’t say no to you, he realises. He would follow you anywhere in this world, do anything you asked of him, regardless how stupid or reckless or crazy it was. He would always follow you, for the rest of time, and he was happy about it. 

A song he liked came on, one that he’s heard you play before and there was no doubt in his mind that he liked it better when you sang it. He circled the bed and lay in it, next to you, in the dark. 

“Thank you, light of my life.” You attached yourself to him, arms sprawled across his bare chest and legs carelessly placed on top of abdomen and hips, and sighed contently. He could feel your warm breaths on his neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He turned his head to you and placed a small kiss on top of your head and listened to the soft tune filling up the room. 

“Oh, goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows and now I'm covered in you”

“You’re annoying.”

“I know I am, but you love me anyway.”

I do, Neteyam thought. I really do…

Things happen in life sometimes, and it makes you lose your ability to react. There was no reaction, definitely no overreaction. You stared at the vial of blood that shattered all across the floor, all across you and your mind was blank. Almost robotically, you made your way to one of the benches and got some paper rolls and the IMS laying next to it. You carefully cleaned all of it, and spit whatever made its way to your mouth to the floor to be removed. When you were sure everything was gone, you went to the sink and removed your goggles and gloves, and scrubbed yourself clean. You felt yourself moving, picking up a bucket of water with some floor cleaner, felt yourself adding disinfectant to it and moping thoroughly, but it was like an out-of-body experience. Like you were merely a puppet executing orders from above. Cleaning everything took about an hour, after which you made your way back to your room slowly, deliberately. 

You didn’t sleep. You spent the whole night looking over everything you and the rest of the scientists have ever found out about this virus. You didn’t know its way of transmission. Maybe you had nothing to worry about, maybe it’s not by blood. You knew it’s not by air, you’ve seen plenty of people infected whose family was fine. So even if you do get infected, the people at the lab should be fine. Your friends would be fine. He would be fine. 

Next, incubation period. That’s a tough one, in-vitro studies show it takes the virus anywhere from 2 to 12 months to show symptoms. You don’t know how that changes in humans. You don’t know any of this shit for humans. You could be perfectly fine, you could die within the month. The thought made your blood run cold. 

You sat in your chair for the remainder of the night. Unmoving, unthinking. 

That’s how Norm found you.

“Hey, Ace. What are you doing up?”

You scrambled for a lie.

“Just woke up, actually. Listen, if you are going to check on the boy, can you please bring my supplies to the tent and tell the Sullys I won’t be in today? I was too exhausted to run any experiments yesterday so I will do it today.” 

“Oh… is everything alright? You haven’t missed a day in the village since you got your Avatar.”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, just worried about the boy and want to get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later, if possible.”

“Alright, I can bring you back some of his blood to run as well?”

“NO!” 

Norm’s eyes widened in shock at your response and you knew you fucked up, you knew you slipped up. Calm yourself… 

“It’s just not necessary at the moment since I have other blood and I don’t want to overwhelm him, if it’s not imperative. I will retrieve some blood when I check on him tomorrow.”

Norm looked at you with a concerned look, but eventually relented.

“Ok, whatever you think, Ace.” 

“Thanks, Norm.” 

“Let me know what you find tonight. I’ll tell Jake, but they might not be happy with you.”

“You can explain it’s an emergency, I’m sure they’ll understand.”

 

You struggled to get up and get your legs to not want to collapse beneath you. Eventually, you made your way to the sink and washed, you scrubbed your face as hard as you could without removing a layer of skin, and your teeth until you felt the familiar taste of metal coat your teeth. You hoped that maybe you tried hard enough, the last 6 hours can just be erased from your life, from world. You hoped it could undo the damage that would plague you for the rest of your most likely very short life. 

Luckily, most scientists seemed to be out. Claire was teaching Na’vi kids English at Grace’s old school that Jake deemed fit to be reopened, Max left with Norm to check on the situation of the village, and most of the Avatars would be out on missions or training with Jake. You made your way to the quiet halls to one of the labs, and prepared for your long day ahead. This will be hard to do by yourself, but not impossible. 

First step, respiratory fluids. You remove a sterile cotton swab and swab your pharynx as thoroughly as possible and place it in a tube. That’s easy enough. Next comes the blood. Finding a vein has always been hard for people to do on you, and it’s not gotten any easier in time, so after poking yourself a few times in the wrong place, you manage to get enough blood to run experiments on. 

Hours of sample preparation, incubation, pipetting and running went by at an excruciatingly slow pace, like the universe was revelling in making every second of torture last forever. You thanked your lucky stars of the progress made in lab equipment and that you didn’t have to spent days on one PCR, like your mum was saying it had to be done back on Earth about a century ago. Regardless, it took most of the day for you to do everything you needed, check for all the proteins and markers you knew were deregulated with this virus, and by the early hours of night, you were done. 

Aș people were starting to return to the hub as another day was nearing its end, you retreated back to your bedroom to work on the data analysis. You did not want to see anyone, did not want to speak to anyone until you knew at least some things. The less you talked, the less lies that had to come out of your mouth, and that seemed ideal to you. 

Inputting the data and having to wait on some software to give you your literal death sentence felt so tragic is was almost comical, and you had to stop and ask yourself if you were some serial killer in a past life to warrant all the pain and misery life seemed adamant to throw at you. For the first time in so long you couldn’t even remember, things were going… well. You were strong, and doing well, and lived outside of the walls of this lab. You had a chance at something more, you had a chance at maybe one day healing and working through your issues and maybe even coming out the other side a better, healthier version of yourself. You had a chance at love.

And there it was… positive. One second.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF  STAGE I: DENIAL

Your blood became poison in the span of half a day, but at least you now knew it wasn’t transmitted through air. That means no one else would have to suffer because of you. The thought made you weirdly calm, and you realised you didn’t care about your own health all along. No, you weren’t sad anymore, just relieved. A wide smile appeared on your face at the results, and you jumped out of the chair with enthusiasm at the great news. Everybody would be ok. Norm, Max, they would all be ok. You will handle all the virus experiments and blood samples from now on. They wouldn’t have reason to doubt you or question you, not when it made most sense anyway, since you were always in the village and knew the protocols and techniques the best, anyway. You would go on the same way as you had, and no one had to know or suffer because of your mistakes. 

With those thoughts still floating in your mind and a Xanax on your tongue, you made your way to the comfortable bed and crashed without a dream in sight. 

You were up before dawn again, and ready to get started on your day at the village. You were looking forward to gun training with Jake, and finally putting those years of practice to good use. You found Norm deep in thought in the link room, and he didn’t register you walking in until you patted his shoulder and he jumped out of his skin.

 

“Jesus, Ace. You scared the shit out of me.” 

“I noticed. Why so jumpy, Norm?” 

He gave you the quickest look known to man then quickly busied himself with literally anything else. “No reason, just focused on the task at hand.”

“…turning on the linkpod?” 

“No one likes a smartass, you know?” 

“So how was the village yesterday? How is the boy?” 

“He’s alright, still not great, but his vitals are stable for now.” You noticed he did not answer your question about the village, and found slight panic rising in your chest.

“Is everything okay? Did something happen in the village?” 

“No, Ace, everything’s fine. You don’t have to worry about everything, you know. How did the experiments go yesterday?” 

“The virus is not airborne, it seems to be transmitted by blood, so we need to be very careful handling samples.” 

“We always are. But good work, good to have some concrete evidence finally. I’ll look over your analysis soon.”

“You know, I’m not quite done with it, so maybe wait and we can look over it together?”

“Sure, that makes sense.”

You didn’t buy Norm’s pathetic attempts at deflecting the subject of the village, but you did not want to fight him so early in the day, so you guess you had to find out what happened for yourself. You woke up in your Avatar body soon enough, and could already tell the village was already awake and buzzing with the perspective of a new day. The guitar sitting on the ground next to your sleeping mat caught your eye, and you smiled softly at the memory which now seems a life away. Your fingers lingered on the chords and you strummed it gently a few times, enjoying the sounds that seemed to settle in your heart. Adjusting your braids in the small mirror you brought with you a few weeks ago, you made your way out of your tent and straight into Neteyam’s chest with a loud thud. 

“What the fuck?” You say, indignantly and then look up to find Neteyam watching you with an unreadable expression adorning his beautiful face. 

“Hi.” He says, and tries to muster a small smile. 

“Hi…? Is there any particular reason you have decided to attack me first thing in the morning?” 

“I was just coming to get you, I heard the guitar playing. I didn’t think you would be running straight into me. Are you ready? We can spend the morning tracking a herd of Talioang that the hunter party spotted a few clicks south of the village. It will be good practice for you.” 

“…alright? Can I get some food first? I’m famished.”

Neteyam shifted uncomfortably in front of you and looked… nervous, you realised. What the hell was going on with everyone?

“I have food that Ma packed for us, we can eat in the forest? I’d really rather get a move on as soon as possible, this will most likely take most of today, anyway.”

“Is there a particular reason you seem so eager for me to leave? You and Norm have both been acting weird today, and you are both terrible liars.”

Neteyam gave you a hard look. “Let’s go, Y/N. Unlike what you like to think, you don’t need to know everything, and not everything concerns you. Let’s go, now.” Nothing’s changed, you realised bitterly. Last night was just a fluke and you hated yourself in that moment for letting your guard down. 

“You can be a real dick sometimes, Neteyam.” You said and took off without looking at him. 

You ran for about 5 clicks without checking behind you, knowing full well he was following you, your hearing being one of the many senses that heightened in this body. You stopped suddenly at the sight of a huge footprint, one you could identify as the Sturmbeest, or a Talioang, like it was known to the Na’vi. Soon enough, you saw the ground littered with them, and began carefully tracking the beasts.

“Alright. How far would you say they are and which direction?” Neteyam asked, approaching you slowly. He was back to teaching mode, and you tried your best to learn, instead of recoiling and telling him to go to hell, which is what you really wanted to do. 

You touched the ground and felt it with your fingers, trying to assess the moisture level and deepness of the mark. You thought about for a while.

“I’d say they’re quite fresh. Maybe this morning? Taloioang move slowly, about 1 click every hour or two, so I’d say we’ll find them about 2 clicks east?”

He didn’t even have to touch the ground to be able to assess it. He was impressive. 

“Good. Let’s go. We shouldn’t run, they have good hearing and the wind is blowing east, which means they’ll be able to smell us if we’re not careful. We will take a roundabout way and approach them from the south.” 

You both made your way through the forest and it was your turn to follow him, although you stayed close behind and tried to look around you and pick up on clues, tiny sounds and movements, trying to learn, trying to see. “Eyes on the tracks, Y/N.” 

You rolled your eyes, but did as you were told. Eventually, Neteyam let you deem the appropriate time to stray from the tracks and move south to avoid being spotted. Soon enough, you saw the herd of prodigious beings, bathing in a shallow lake. You made your way slowly, sneaking on the ground, with Neteyam close to you, and you felt his arms grazing your sides every inch of the way. 

The herd was protecting the calves, 5 in total, playing and splashing in the clear water. You watched in amazement, just enjoying the view of these seemingly ferocious beasts that in the moment, felt more like a family watching their children play at the local pool. You couldn’t believe the beauty and mild predisposition, the complex nature of these animals whose equivalents were long gone on Earth, long decimated by humans and their needless desire for wealth and acquisition, for mindless cruelty. You felt your stomach drop at the realisation that soon, this could be Pandora, if you didn’t fight will all your being in the upcoming war. 

You felt a sudden gentle pressure on your lower back, a pressure you quickly identified as Neteyam’s hand and you shuddered at the touch. He neared his mouth to your ears, and you felt his warm breath tickling your neck, a sudden warmth pooling in your lower abdomen. 

“You’re not allowed to kill anything yet, but I want you to show me how you would go about it. Show me your bow work, how would you aim from this position.”

You slowly removed your bow from from your person and sat up, in a now crouched stance, and loaded the arrow, doing your best to accommodate for the uncomfortable position you were in and the tight space you were sharing with another person. You held your breath, engaged your core, and aimed as if you were going to release your arrow on the target about 300m away. Neteyam’s large hand touched your upper thigh, by your left hip and squeezed gently. Your arm dropped suddenly and snapped your head in his direction. He didn’t react to your sudden snap, instead talking lowly, so as to not give your location away. “Your leg is not in a position by which you can maximise release. You will have more power in the shot if you place this knee on the ground and lean into it.” 

You wanted to take that hand and either break it or redirect it on other parts of your body that felt like they would explode if they didn’t feel him, have his touch provide the relief that was desperately yearned for, needed. You wanted to scream at him or make him coax the screams out of you like a war-cry, wild and desperate. You wanted to kill him, you wanted him to kill you, slowly and painfully, taking his time on your body until you were falling apart at the seams around him. You hated him, you loved him. You hated him.

You gave him a hard look, an angry look directed at your thigh, and he removed his hand from you. You wondered if he knew, knew what he was doing, wondered if he felt the same way, if he too was struggling to catch his breath at the torture of knowing he can’t have you, claim you, right now, right in this second, right here. You hoped he did, hope it ate him alive, the yearning and the desire. Because that’s what it was doing to you, what he was doing to you. You turned your attention back to the herd and adjusted your position based on his advice. He was right, you could tell right away, as you felt a lot more power when aiming the arrow this time. 

“Much better. We can go now, we will give the location to the hunting party and the will be able to secure us dinner for a couple of weeks from the back of a couple of Ikrans.”

 

You made your way out of their surroundings, and slowly started walking back to the village. After about half an hour, he stopped on a rock and removed the food he was carrying in a pouch. You didn’t join him, preferring to keep your distance and thus a clear mind, not being able to afford being weak around him anymore. 

“I thought you were famished.” He says, with a slight smile. You shook your head and turned around, taking in the views of the forest, distracting yourself with the flowers reaching out their neon green tendrils towards you. You kneeled next to one, and touched them gently, enjoying the way they cupped around your hand and tugged, like they were urging you to come closer so they can spill their long-forgotten dreams to you. You heard him sigh loudly.

“Sorry for being a dick. Just had a fight with mum and dad, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have, and I am sorry. Come eat, please? I don’t want you passing out on me, you’re not as easy to carry as you used to be when you were human.” 

You remained on your knees still, focused on only the plants and your gentle tug-of-war. You knew how much pressure Neteyam was under, has been for pretty much his entire life. A prodigy created… or made, no one could really know for sure, he began training when most babies learn to walk, and speak, and play. He has never had a childhood the way Lo’ak, or Kiri, or Tuk, or pretty much any other Na’vi children did, mostly fleeting moments of bliss in between a lot more moments of stress and struggle. He never complained, though. Not out loud, not to anyone else but you, once he realised you were a safe haven from the storm. You didn’t pass judgement, or make him feel bad for sharing his feelings, and he felt like he could tell you all the hardest truths his heart has always craved to speak out loud. You have always wanted to protect him from the world, a world that demanded so much of him, that asked for a sacrifice of which it was undeserving. Being Olo’yektan, leading the people, being the one person everyone relied on was a great honour, a great achievement - one you didn’t think he wanted, but was never given the chance to decline. 

“What happened?” 

You walked slowly towards the rock he was laying on, and sat at its foot, crossing your legs on the slightly damp grass. You grabbed a piece of jerky from the pile of food and slowly chewed through it, humming in appreciation at the smoky taste and rich flavour of the meat. 

Neteyam grimaced and didn’t look at you, choosing to focus instead of his arm guards, picking at something that was clearly not there. “More sacrifices I need to make in the name of the future, of the people.” 

“I see you still haven’t learnt to say no, even after all this time apart.” 

Neteyam’s hand froze in midair, his eyes widening slightly - it was the first time you brought up the year apart. He braced himself for what he thought was the beginning of the end, of you finally demanding answers he didn’t think would ever satisfy you, but no other words left your lips.  

“I can’t say no. I owe my parents everything I have, everything I am. This village, this life, is all I know. My dad gave up on everything he knew to stand up for our people, to make sure we’d get a future worth living, a family worth saving, a world still worth fighting for. He became Olo’yektan despite all that stood against him because he loved my mum, loved us, even then, even before we were born. My grandpa died defending this village, watching home tree get decimated in front of his eyes, with only the people’s safety on his mind and tongue. I see that bow that my mum cherishes like a gift from Eywa herself and I want to be worthy of it, someday. And if it means giving up some things, maybe that’s just how it’s meant to be.” 

“Maybe whatever you’re giving up is making room for something ever better, Neteyam. Sometimes we want something so bad, we can’t see the forest for the trees.” 

He looks at you confused for a second.

“That’s a saying. What I’m trying to say is maybe you are over focused on something you want right now, that you think is the best thing for you, but maybe you just are not focusing on the bigger picture. Maybe in the future, whatever you’re giving up now will make room for something that was much better for you all along.”

Disappointment filled his chest at your words. Neteyam looked at you with deep sadness marking his features, and he could see you were trying to think of things to say that could make him feel better. In all honesty, he wanted - needed - you to tell him to be selfish, and trust his gut, and follow what he knew was right in his heart, but he also knew that being selfish is not a trait that came naturally to you. You have always respected the deep bond Neteyam had to his family and his people and you always used to tell him how proud of him you were for how strong he was, for the lengths he was willing to go to to protect and nurture those bonds. 

You felt an overwhelming sense of grief at the realisation that you will never get to see him become Olo’yektan, see him become the man everybody knew he was. He would never be yours, and although that painful conclusion had settled in your soul and had time to scar in all the time you knew him, a new wound, deeper, bloodier, deadlier, tore your heart apart at the thought you would not even be able to watch from afar. You would have been satisfied with scraps, just watching him rule, and be, and love someone else and imagining it was you. You never thought you’d get more than that anyway, never had any delusions for more. The scraps would have been enough, and now even those were brutally taken from you, like everything else in this life. 

You needed to leave, now. 

“Should we head back? It’s getting late.”

You walked back in deep, uncomfortable silence. Eclipse made the nature shine and glimmer with colours your sadness dulled to muted tones. There was light coming from the village and you realise how badly you wanted to be alone, in your tent and read, or watch a movie or a show, and ignore this world for a little while while you licked your newly-opened wounds. Tonight was a communal dinner around the big bonfire in the centre of the village, and you felt grateful your presence would not be missed in such a crowd. You’ve come to love these dinners, another one of the many ways the tribe connected to the village and to each other, but tonight you couldn’t entertain even the thought long enough to count.

“Can you please tell your family I am sorry, but I will probably head to bed early. I’ll be early for breakfast tomorrow, I promise.” 

“I can do that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You nodded absentmindedly and closed the flap of the tent shut.

Neteyam watched as you left him, still reeling from your conversation. Much like you, he just wished to hide in his family’s tent and pretend for a night things are different, that they are better. Actually, if we are talking about wishes, he wishes he could be in your tent. In all honestly, dealing with you on a day to day basis, seeing you, your body, touching it more and longer than he knew he reasonably had to, was making him think thoughts he knew he had no business thinking. In his wildest dreams, he’d be in your tent and making your eyes roll back in the way that drove him crazy. In his wildest dreams, he’d be coaxing sounds out of you that only he would ever hear. In his wildest dreams, your hands all over him would heal him and break him at the same time. He was desperately in need of some relief, and he loathed all decisions in his life that lead to you not being able to be the one to provide it for him. 

He made his way to the bonfire, and greeted all of the Na’vi that respectfully bowed their heads at his arrival. He saw his family at the centre of the crowd, where they normally sat, and joined them silently. They all gave him uneasy looks - all but one. Lo’ak was blatantly glaring at the older Sully, a look of disappointment and disgust marring his normally kind face that reminded Neteyam so much of their dad. 

“Did you tell her?” 

Kiri elbowed Lo’ak in the abdomen, but he didn’t flinch. He did not even bother to acknowledge Kiri, or the low hiss escaping their mum’s lips - his eyes were still boring into Neteyam, unwavering. 

“No.” Neteyam’s expression darkened and in a split second, he became the warrior his dad moulded him into. “And you will not, either, Lo’ak. Do you understand me?” Lo’ak had to look up to look at his brother who was now dangerously towering over him. 

“Oh, the mighty warrior giving out orders, what else is new?” 

“Lo’ak, that’s enough.” Neteyam heard Jake intervene, and he eventually had to physically put his body in between his two sons, who still refused to look away from each other.

“Fnawe’tu (coward).”

 

Neteyam watched his brother turn his back on his family and walk away from the feast, and although he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he knew deep down that Lo’ak was right.

 

You were almost robotically flipping through the directory of movies and tv shows on the laptop that you had with you in the village, not quite ready to go back to the lab and have to deal with the consequences of your newly acquired “condition”. You had all night to do experiments, and lie to yourself that you were fine until you eventually succumbed to a Xanax-induced blackout. You wanted to be in this body just a little while longer, because, in this body, it was easy to forget the realities of your actual life.

You saw a five-fingered hand emerge from the entrance to your tent, and you laughed incredulously at the clown you loved, who seemed to have a knack for improving your dour mood.

“I am here to bother you.” You got up and started making your way towards the entrance of your tent.

“Shouldn’t you be at dinner?” You say, laughing and pulling Lo’ak by the hand, so he stumbles unattractively into you. 

You wrap your arms around him and hug him gently. “Skxawng.” 

“I should, but I am here instead. We haven’t had movie night in so long.” He lay on your sleep mat and you hissed for him to move over. “You’re getting way too comfortable hissing at people.”

“Not people, Lo’ak, you!” You smiled saying that, knowing you were quoting Kiri, and he groaned exasperatedly. 

A few more weeks passed, and you felt the discrepancy between your bodies become more pronounced than it had ever been. It turns out, the incubation period of a Na’vi virus in a human is not long at all, and roughly around last week, you began displaying symptoms. You were taking every drug under the sun to try to soften them, but you had seen one too many good Na’vi people die due to this to know what was lurking underneath the comfortable cushion of drug-induced health. Despite all that, you felt on top of the world in your avatar. You were continuously improving, and, with a little bit of luck, will be completing your first kill soon - the first stepping stone to becoming Taronyu, hunter. If you do that successfully, you will be taking your Iknimaya with other Na’vi apprentices, and finally get your own Ikran. You were buzzing at the thought, and the image of you flying in the sky was enough to push any other worries out of your mind. 

After that weird day that ended with Lo’ak in your tent watching Friends together and teaching him the chords to a song you both loved, things went back to normal, sort of. You couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that the Sullys were hiding something from you. They exchanged looks, and avoided certain subjects, and you were starting to be worried they guessed you were ill, and were tiptoeing around the subject so as to not upset you. That was a good theory, although it could not explain the heavy tension between Neteyam and Lo’ak that also started that night. 

You saw them bicker and fight your whole life: two opposing personalities, both of whom had misunderstandings about the other. Neteyam could never understand Lo’ak, understand that, despite being the chieftain’s son and the grandson of the Tsahik and former Olo’yektan, people still looked at him like he was not quite full Na’vi. His eyebrows and five fingers made his appearance uncanny enough to always attract whispers and looks, and despite Lo’ak’s apparent devil-may-care attitude, he cared. Neteyam could also not understand anyone who wished to live freely and discover themselves, make decisions and choices that would lead to a happy, fulfilled life, rather than a proud and accomplished one. Finally, Neteyam did not understand that skill and tenacity doesn’t come easy to everybody, and the weight of living in his shadow was bearing heavily on his baby brother’s back. 

On the other hand, Lo’ak never tried to understand the burden Neteyam had to carry, because, in his desire to not appear weak, he took it in strides and never complained. Lo’ak never fully understood the downfalls of what being “the perfect son” brings: no freedom, no childhood, no time, no fun, no choice. He only ever focused on the positives: praise from his family and clan, skill and composure, the title of future Leader of the Omatikaya. He will also never be able to understand the depths of Neteyam’s love for him, who, despite all their differences, would be willing to sacrifice everything, even his own life, to make sure his baby brother would never having to experience these burdens.

This tension felt like more. More than you’ve ever seen, not mended in time, they were always glowering at each other and only speaking to each other if prompted or forced by their increasingly frustrated family. You tried to talk to both of them individually and ask, but you were promptly sent on your way each time. You could tell Lo’ak was itching to spit it out, but every time he got close, he flashed you a look of hurt and fear, and moved on. 

Eventually, you stopped worrying about it. It will come out in time, and you had better things to worry about. Your training became brutal after that day tracking Sturmbeests. Neteyam would come to your tent before dawn, sometimes having to wait for you while you woke up in your Avatar body, and you were always gone past eclipse. You were tracking, joining hunting parties to learn, working on shooting arrows while on Pa’li or in nearly impossible positions (he made you shoot targets hanging upside down from the branches of trees, seriously) and working on guns and practicing with Jake and his soldiers. Jake made you his second-in-command during these sessions, and you enjoyed having the roles reversed and having to watch Neteyam squirm every time you touched his arm, or waist, or thighs, in order to adjust his shooting form. You also taught Lo’ak, sometimes late in the nights, where he would sneak into your tent and ask you questions about guns that he hoped would bring him in his father’s good graces for once in his life. You loved teaching them, and you felt powerful with all the eyes on you, trying to absorb every piece of information coming out of your mouth. 

“In your hands, you are holding a sub machine-gun.” You said and you made your way through the 10 soldiers in your midst. “It can fire up 600 rounds per minute. You have a button on the side of the weapon, as you can see right there”, you stopped and show everyone on your own weapon, “that allows you to choose between semi automatic and fully automatic. What’s the difference, Lo’ak?”

“A semi-automatic guns fires one shot when you pull the trigger, a fully automatic gun fires continuously until you release the trigger.” 

“Tsantu (good guy)!” you said with an intimate smile. Lo’ak was making amazing progress, and you were proud to be even a small reason why. 

Neteyam gave Lo’ak a hard look as he answered your question. He was angry with his brother because of his recent attitude, he thought. That’s the reason. Not at all because you were smiling at him with that dazzling smile that used to be reserved for him years ago, definitely not because he knew Lo’ak was sneaking in your tent at night and doing Eywa-knows-what, a fact which kept Neteyam up nights with images he would do everything in his power to be able to erase from his brain. Neteyam was exhausted. He hasn’t slept since this thing started, not until Lo’ak returned to his tent after his meetings with you, and he was able to look at him in the dim light of the night and gauge for himself if his brother was flushed, or panting, or extra happy for one reason or another. Despite never seeing anything that he could deem suspicious, the images of his baby brother taking for himself what was his, what should be his, haunted him and made him sick to his stomach. 

Coward. Lo’ak words rang in his ears incessantly throughout each day, never being able to fully block them out. 

Neteyam saw you move from Lo’ak and towards him, and tried to remember what they were talking about. Sub-machine guns, right. 

“Now, SMGs are best used in tighter quarters or close to mid-range. The spread will make it inefficient for long-range. If you find yourself on the back of your Ikran shooting at a plane or Valkyrie, make sure you close the gap between you or use your bow, instead.”

“An SMG will have a lot of recoil, making it harder to shoot accurately, but there are a few tips you can use to make to improve your aim and accuracy.”

“First. Always fire in short bursts, if you are firing on automatic mode. A few shots at a time will make sure the kick is not unmanageable. Two, account for the kick and adjust your aim to compensate. Think of shooting an arrow and how you always take the wind, its direction, speed and power in consideration before you actually release. It’s a similar principle. The recoil will make the gun kick upwards, so always aim slightly lower than what you want to hit. Three, don’t aim for the head. Leave that for a bow or an assault/sniper rifle with a scope. Aim for the abdomen and chest, since that is a wider target and more likely to hit. Everyone on the same page?”

Neteyam was forever in awe of you, but it was particularly impressive watching you now. You were confident and powerful and knowledgeable. Neteyam felt bad admitting it, but you were a much better teacher than their dad ever was. Toruk Makto had many incredible qualities, but his patience was definitely not amongst them, and his lessons tend to get a bit derailed by his inability to understand that Na’vi are not predisposed to guns or understanding Sky People technology. You were calm, and kind, and funny, and you made it easy for everyone to follow your instructions. In the span on a few weeks, all of the Na’vi and Avatar soldiers training for the upcoming war became better at pretty much every aspect that they were training in, and I think everyone felt just a bit more comfortable about the conflict that was soon to befall them, with you by their side. 

After the lesson was complete, you left alongside Lo’ak, sparing one last look in Neteyam’s direction. He was already watching you, and you saw a fleeting angry look that was quickly replaced with an expressionless mask. He was getting good at that, you thought. 

“Do you want to do anything? If I have to listen to Kiri talk about all the new types of flowers and plants and shit she keeps finding in the woods, I will lose my mind.”

“Be nice.” 

Kiri has been particularly hyperfixated on her newfound discoveries recently, and you tried your best to pay attention to every time she was describing them, in detail, but in reality you were always so exhausted by the time dinner came around that you were only assimilating about a tenth of all the words coming out of her mouth. You felt bad, and made a mental note to dedicate a couple of days to your friend that you saw less and less each week. 

“Your Iknimaya is getting closer and closer each day, how do you feel?”

“Honestly I haven’t thought about it that much, just taking it one day at a time.”

“I think you should start thinking about it, cause it’s going to happen. You’ve managed to blow everyone’s expectations out of the water. It barely been two months since you got your avatar body, not even my dad did this so fast. You were made for this, Angel.” 

You didn’t know what to say to that. You were grateful for Lo’ak’s faith in you, but with everything happening in your human body, it felt pointless looking towards the future. 

“You will be one of us, soon. I’ve had dreams about this my whole life, you know? It’s like I manifested your Avatar, Norm should be thanking me.” 

“Lo’ak…” 

You didn’t like the turn this conversation took, and felt an uncomfortable twinge settle in your chest at his words. 

“There are perks that come with being an Omatikaya, you know? You can make your bow out of the wood of the Home Tree… and you can choose a mate.” 

Fuck. 

Neteyam was making his way back to the village with the rest of the soldiers, casually chatting to one of the Avatars returning with them. He wasn’t paying attention to the way until his body knocked into one of the Na’vi walking in front of him. Utsou was staring intently at a scene unfolding in front of him, a scene that turned Neteyam’s blood to shards of glass, leaving cuts and bruises along his entire body. It was you, smiling, running your hand up and down Lo’ak’s arm whilst his hand was cupping your face and caressing your cheek. It was such an intimate interaction, it felt wrong to everyone there to even be able to witness it, and Neteyam felt himself becoming nauseous. With the image now seared into his memory and rage turning his breaths to pants, he turned around and left everything - everyone - behind. 

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @hayhay9091

[thefarminggoblin]

Cuddling with the Gotei 13, with visuals

I’ve been in a super soft mood lately so here are some soft headcanons for the captains and lieutenants of the Gotei 13.

This is a part 1.

In order, the to do list is:

- Lieutenants

- Seated officers

- Vizards

- Arrancar + defectors

- Karakura gang

No warnings. Just good ol’ fashioned fluff 🥰

🔥 Yamamoto

(platonic - are there any simps I should apologise to here?)

“Yes, what is-OH!” He’s surprised as you jump into his arms. He’s not sure if it’s appropriate for him to return the hug. If it’s a spontaneous friendly hug, he’d probably just pull away a little and ruffle your hair fondly or pat your shoulder, “While I appreciate the affection, I am not sure what it was you are seeking. However, you could be spending your time much more productively. Now, go and finish your duties.”

BUT! If you’re visibly upset over something he wouldn’t hesitate to give you a comforting bear hug. “There, there. Whatever is bothering you, you are strong enough to push through it. Until then, you have my ear.”

🥷 Soi Fon

You wake up, unable to move. “Soi-chan?” No response. You try wriggling, but the more you struggle the more you become trapped, “Soi-chan, we need to get up.”

“Mmm… a few more minutes won’t kill anyone.”

“…you sound like Captain Urahara.”

You’ve never seen get out of bed so fast.

💉 Unohana Retsu

Her sweet voice rouses you from sleep, “Good morning, my love.”

“Good morning, honey.”

She kisses your forehead. You move to leave, only to find yourself suddenly caged in underneath her, a twinkle of mischief in her eye.

“Shall we take advantage of these early hours?” Her voice has dropped a few octaves, and you find yourself unwilling to leave her embrace as she begins peppering kisses down your neck.

🌸 Kuchiki Byakuya

You gaze into the beautiful slate grey eyes of your lover. His face is serene, his eyes half lidded and a tiny smile on his lips. You’re both still trying to catch your breath after your previous… activities. The tender expression on his face as he strokes your cheek ever so softly makes your heart ache. You adore him, and he adores you. You mirror his movements, hoping to convey the same emotion, brushing away some of the hair sticking to his damp forehead.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

His eyes widen slightly, gasping so softly you swear you imagined it. “I mean it, ‘Kuya. You’re so beautiful it hurts.”

He takes your hand and kisses the palm, then your wrist. He shifts himself slightly to press a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering on your brow.

“Beloved, it is you who are the beautiful one.”

You wriggle even closer to him, nestling your head under his chin as he draws you in. You fall asleep to the soft sounds of his soft breathing.

🦊 Komamura Sajin

You treasure mornings like this. Mornings when it’s raining heavily, and the two of you are snuggled together. Gazing into each other’s eyes, stroking each other’s faces, tangled up in each other’s arms.

“Sajin?”

“Yes, dearest?”

“You know I love you right?”

“Of course I do-“

“In both forms.”

His eyes widen in disbelief.

“You don’t have to keep shifting for my sake. I know it takes a toll on you. Your appearance doesn’t change how I feel.”

His eyes tear up, but he can’t bear to expose you to his insecurities getting the better of him, so he buries his head in your chest and draws you to him.

His shoulders start shaking and you feel your heart break, “Oh sweetheart, no, it’s okay.”

“Are you certain you can love me in my other form?” His voice is muffled but you can hear it crack with emotion.

You cup his face and make him look at you, “It’s who you are. I wouldn’t change you for the world.”

He sighs and kisses your eyelids before gently pressing his lips to yours.

You grin, “And besides. You’re super cuddly either way, my love.”

Finally, he smiles, “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

🍶 Kyoraku Shunsui

You’re suddenly tackled onto the bed, and Shunsui is merciless as he tickles your sides, “And just wheeeere do you think you’re going, hmm?”

You’re laughing so much you can’t breathe. “Sh-shuun- AHAHAHAA- st-stoooop-“

Brief, bristly kisses are placed up and down the column of your neck, “I will as soon as you tell me where you hid it.”

“N-never!”

“I see.” He says gravely as he stops, sighing, “Tsk, I’ll have to resort to some other tactics then.”

“I-I s-s-suurrende-AHH SHUNSTOPPIT!!” He’s tickling again, this time blowing raspberries into your skin. “I GIVE UUUUP.”

He stops and pulls you onto his chest, pressing kisses against your scalp as he runs his hands up and down your back soothingly. He sighs as he runs his fingers through your hair, wishing the moment could last longer. But he had to leave before his lieutenant scolded him for his tardiness.

“So, a deal’s a deal. Where’d you put my hat, petal?”

❄️ Hitsugaya Toshiro

“‘Toshi?”

You’ve caught him napping on his office couch again. A flash of annoyance runs through you; judging by the dark circles under his eyes, you can guess that he’s been pulling long hours, trying to pick up his lieutenant’s slack again. He’s likely spent the night in his office.

He needs real sleep. You try to gently rouse him, stroking his hair and face gently and calling his name.

“Mmm… whaaaa?” He eventually opens his eyes, blinking rapidly. They’re bloodshot from eye strain. You take his hand and give a little tug.

“Come on, honey. You need to get some sleep in a real bed. It’ll be more comfortable.” You make to pull him up again, but tugs right back, and you fall back onto the couch with a yelp.

Before you can protest, he readjusts the both of you, encompassing you in his arms and pressing a few kisses on your face. It’s surprisingly comfortable. He sighs, nuzzling his face against yours.

“I’ve got all the comfort I require right here.”

🗡 Zaraki Kenpachi

You knew better than to ambush Kenpachi while he was doing his hair, but getting payback for him bumping your arm - on purpose - while you were doing your make up yesterday was far too tempting.

However, now you found yourself in the middle of the most intense pillow fight of your life. You’d managed to get to the bedroom faster than him, getting in 2 decent shots before you were unarmed.

In hindsight: this was a TERRIBLE idea.

“You’ve done it now, kid.” His face lights up with glee as he snatches the 2 offending objects from the floor and lobs them at you, which lands you flat on your back on the bed.

You manage to grab one and throw it back, but he catches it single handedly. He springs onto the bed, straddling you, the pillow raised above his head as he grins maniacally.

“Any last words?”

You did the only thing you could think of: spring up and throw your arms around his waist, putting on your best puppy dog eyes.

“Truce?”

“Truce.” The pillow was thrown to the side, and suddenly you were laying on his chest, his strong arms wrapped around your waist. “I win, though.”

🧪 Kurotsuchi Mayuri

In the blink of an eye, the book you’re reading is ripped from your grasp and thrown across the room. A split second later the air leaves your lungs as your lover’s head lands on your chest, his body crushing yours.

“‘yuri, can’t… breathe…”

“Mmmph.” He grunts, shifting his body so you’re not completely smothered and you take a deep breath. He huffs, burying his face in your chest.

“Bad day?”

“Mmph...”

“Failed experiment?”

“Mmph.”

“Poor dear.”

“Mmph!!”

“Oh. Head rubs. Gotcha.”

“…mmph.”

He’s asleep in minutes, snoring softly. He may conduct countless experiments on himself to improve his stamina, but he’ll never be a robot.

🍵 Ukitake Jushiro

Jushiro places a soft kiss on your lips as you slowly open your eyes, “Good morning, sweetheart. Sleep well?”

His soft smile is almost blinding, “Mmm, how long have you been awake?”

“Not very long.” He smirks, mischief suddenly gleaming in his eyes, “You had quite the look on your face.”

“…I was dreaming.”

“Oh, was it an interesting dream?”

You smirk back at him, you fingers tap dancing on his chest, “…possibly.”

He chuckles, “I see. Then, shall we make your dream a reality?”

You’re suddenly pinned underneath him, laughing as he peppers your face with kisses. It quickly becomes heated, all deep kisses and roaming hands and-

“You wrecked it, monkey brains!”

“No, YOU wrecked it, booger breath!”

-aaaand there they are. You huff, the moment ruined. Jushiro rolls off you, a frustrated groan leaving him as he pulls the sheets over his head.

“I’m not here.”

You join him. “Neither am I.”

[spelllingandthemysteryschool]

i like this kaveh akbar essay about ramadan a lot... i remember first reading it a few years ago and going oh! this is very good 🤍 (the paris review sometimes puts up a paywall, so you can also read it under the cut ↓)

Emerson said, “If you go expressly to look at the moon it becomes tinsel.” He preached self-reliance—the importance of being with yourself in nature—but he also lived with his mother, who cooked for him and cleaned his muddy boots.

The new moon at the start of May this year signaled the beginning of Ramazan, which the rest of the world calls Ramadan, which I call Ramadan when I speak with my friends, but which I grew up calling Ramazan because that’s how we say it in Farsi. In Farsi there are four different letters that all make the same z sound and maybe we figured if we didn’t use them enough they’d disappear.

This year, for the first time in my life, I have fasted for all of Ramazan. The Quran says during Ramazan you’re supposed to “eat and drink until the white thread of dawn appears to you distinct from the black thread of night.” And then fast until sunset—no food, no drink. The black thread/white thread part fascinates me, eating in the predawn morning until it’s light enough outside to tell the white thread from the black.

Nowadays there’s an app called Muslim Pro (a hilarious name) where you enter your location and it tells you exactly what time to stop eating. But I like to imagine a time when someone was sitting outside eating bread and cheese alone in the dark, checking and rechecking their two threads. They’d eat a bit more, yawn a bit, and then, suddenly, rubbing their eyes, they’d catch a gleam of light against the white thread and shout “Stop! Stop!” to their family inside.

That’s probably not how it ever worked.

I suppose I am looking for God, for a feeling of transformative belief. I am hoping that fasting might thin the membrane between me and a feeling of the divine. That it might open a channel between us, a tin-can telephone line. Prayer is a way of speaking to the divine. Meditation is a way of listening for it.  I’m not sure yet which one fasting is for me. Maybe both. But I figure, if I can talk to God, shouldn’t I?

Ramazan is based on the Islamic calendar, which every year moves backward about eleven days on the Gregorian calendar. When I was a kid, Ramazan was in the middle of winter, which meant fasting from dawn until sundown. My parents only ever let me “kiddy fast,” which is what they called waking up early for predawn breakfast, then drinking plenty of water and milk throughout the day, then eating a big dinner. And I could only do it on days off school, to ensure my elementary school academics wouldn’t suffer.

The short winter days in Wisconsin meant fasting was essentially a big brunch and then a big dinner around normal dinnertime, with plenty of Diet Pepsi and chocolate milk in between. And even then, I would cheat. I remember once sneaking stale chocolate chip cookies in the middle of the afternoon, then feeling so ashamed I went to the bathroom to vomit them back up. I remember the gold-black vomit in the toilet bowl looking almost beautiful, a mural of my penance.

I worry that fasting expressly to look for God will turn God into tinsel. I worry fasting is a piece of tinsel I am trying to pin to my spiritual lapel, a little kid showing off his participation ribbon. I worry I am already tinsel, flattened and ornamental, a cosmic nothing turning meaninglessly in the light.

Here in Marfa, Texas, fasting means not eating or drinking from about 5:45 A.M. each day to about 8:45 P.M. Most days I wake up around 5:20, snooze for ten minutes, then storm around the house, gulping down as much water as I can, eating spoonfuls of cereal and taking quick bites of banana, carrot, dry bread, nuts. I swig almond milk and grapefruit juice from their cartons, then brush my teeth. It all feels very animal, governed by bodily need.

Before I go back to sleep for a couple hours, though, I make my little ablutions and say a morning prayer. I pray in Arabic, a language I don’t speak or understand. It is a lifelong fascination of mine, the way parroting the sounds of devotion can become an incantatory act, the way the sonic textures of language itself, stripped of direct semantic meaning, can carry me to a place of communion with the divine.

Poetry works this way, too. Language organized mellifluously, delivered earnestly, can thin the partitions between worlds, whether or not we have a perfect denotative understanding of what is being spoken. Poets have invested themselves in this promise for millennia.

The prophet Muhammad said a full stomach was one that contained one-third food, one-third liquid, and one-third air. I am constantly messing this up.

Yesterday I went to the park to shoot hoops with my friend Natalie in the early afternoon. We took it easy, talking and laughing between baskets, dribbling slowly around, pausing to watch a roadrunner walk along the park fence with a lizard in its beak. But, even in our relative ease, the sun held hard above us and kept us dewy in hot light.

I read once that if outer space were filled with air, the sun, 93 million miles away, would be as loud to us on earth as a train whistle one foot away. I never think about sound in relation to the sun, but yesterday back home after playing basketball, my shirt drenched, my ears ringing with thirst, I thought about the volume of the sun, how loud its desiccation could be, how immutable. I could taste the furnace of it in my mouth.

Maybe this is meant to be a metaphor about hell, except I don’t really believe in hell, at least not in the eternal-lake-of-fire way. I believe in rehabilitation and reconciliation, spiritual and otherwise. I have trouble reconciling retributive, punitive justice with a rigorously compassionate faith.

Hell is a prison. Hell is separation from your divine, whether that divine is God or your children or your land. We’ve made enough of these hells on earth; our work now is to dismantle those, not to imagine more.

I spend a lot of my days fantasizing about how I’ll break my fast. I look in my fridge, imagine what sort of dishes I could make with what’s in there. I google the menus of local restaurants online—there are only a couple places here that stay open past nine—and I read each ingredient in each item: a citrus salad with toasted quinoa and rhubarb, roasted chili with red peppers and jalapeño cornbread. Even writing these words now, I can taste each sliver of fiery jalapeño, each crunch of quinoa against wet greens.

I wonder if part of the point of fasting is this: keeping the body enamored of the particular delights of nourishment. It is so wild, so unimaginably lucky, to live in a world where rhubarb grows, and in a world where I can eat it with ease. It could so easily be otherwise. For many people, it is. What responsibility does my luck, my ease, imply?

Or maybe the point of fasting is the way these wonders recede from my view the more I imagine them. The taste of the citrus is there, then it’s gone. It’s like a theological exercise. Take a second: picture a bladeless knife with no handle. Where’d it go? Now, with that same clumsy brain, imagine God.

The Muslim Pro app on my phone beeps when it’s time to eat at night. I build this moment up so much in my head, it’s hard for the reality to match. I immediately chug a giant 32-ounce Nalgene of water. Some nights I go out and reward myself with a fancy dinner planned out earlier in the day. Others I stay in and eat like a teenager—chicken tenders dipped in barbeque sauce and frozen mushroom pizza and cookie dough ice cream.

Now that Ramazan is almost over, I find myself surveying the month: lazy afternoons in bed slipping in and out of consciousness, trying to read and failing, counting down minutes until sunset. The long day hiking a national park with friends, desperately thirsty by nightfall but also deliriously happy.

One night my friend Carolina invited Natalie and me over for her homemade pozole. Embarrassed by my hunger and not wanting to show up ravenous, I surreptitiously ate a small dinner of fried potatoes and hot dogs before going over. Still, I remained hungry enough to eat two bowls of pozole on her porch. The three of us talked there and laughed. We spilled a bag of party mix onto the patio. We saw a fox lope slowly across the road. We watched the stars hang silent in the sky millions upon millions of miles away—like tinsel, or like little bits of white string.