#offbrand jello

[isawken]

yeah im out here slurping on your slimeboy girlfriend. not in a sexy way. you two were just chilling on your stoop trading cheefs off a rootie tootie fresh and frootie flavor vape and i came up with a reeeeeaaal big straw and plopped it right in his shoulder and started suckin. just straight slorpin. and neither of you knew how to react so now you're just staring at me waiting to see when i'll stop but you'll be surprised how long i can drink shlop without needing a break. nice flavor btw. i love rhubarb. have u ever thought of putting boba up in this dude or

[fictionkinfessions]

I’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my chestplate.

nah, but. Really I just. I keep having the Absolute Worst Time of my life because I miss my vod’e, but like. Fucking load of good that does me, when I can’t remember who they were because of the fact my brain got fucked with more times than a fucking besalisk can count on all four hands. I know I had a training squad. Do I know their names? Not really! They sure knew the name “I” used before my brain got scooped out, turned into shitty offbrand jello with some chunks missing, and shoved back inside my skull though! Like. I have questions but who the fuck do I even direct them to? These nameless, faceless vod’e with blurred paint that keep showing up in my fucking dreams?

Like yeah sure, the Reconditioning didn’t fully stick because it was like. The second or third time that shit happened to me. But fucking hell did it still have side effects.

x

[mushroomjeremy]

SCP but as Food v1

I was going to make these into warm up sketches to practice drawing food, but feel like sharing. Here are some weird version of a small collection of SCP as food. It's a small mix between anomalies made it to food or just food vaguely based on them.

~~~

I'm a sucker for keys so here's the ones useful for this post. If some of these are null squares theres nothing I can do.

How it written:

🤍- Havent written up yet/vague idea

💗- Detailed recipes

👑 - Either the foods is to much food or to many different foods

🔧 - Self Assembly 

Type:

🍞- Bakery

🥩 - Grilled

🥣- Soup 

🍨 - Dessert

🍬- Candy

🥗- Salads

🥤- Drink

🥃- Alcohol

🍶- Condiment

Diet:

🐜- Arthropods/Insects

🥬- Vegetarian 

🍖- Meat

🐟- Fish

Taste:

🔥- Spicy

🍯- Sweet

Ingredients:

🧀 - Cheese

☢ - Blood/raw meat/raw egg/fermentation are an ingredient

🧭 - Exotic aka made of stuff real hard to get or just don't exist (examples being tree syrups not from maples, raw reindeer meat, anomalous item themselves, ect.)

~~~

SCP 001 The Scarlet King 🤍 ☢👑

A full table of 3 full seven course meals, one for each law (Blood, Howling, Concrete) Law of Blood food probably has blood, something that make the food offly red like beets, and spicy. Law of Concrete is stuff that just powders or looks like a brick or both. Law of Howling is going to be tricky.

SCP 009 🧭🥤🍯

Red ice cherry slushie

SCP 058 🍖🔥🥩

Spicy grilled beef heart with sauteed onions and red chimichurri sauce

SCP 111 🧭🐜 🔥

Spicy dragon snail escargot

Scp 166 ☢🧭🥗🍖

Reindeer carpaccio salad

SCP 999 💗🍞🍨🍯

Tart layered with jam, whip cream, and orange jello topped with a candied blood orange

SCP 1489 🤍

Mutton fusilli bucati pasta dish with a grey or black coloring to it

SCP 2317 🥤🔧 

Self-brewing cinnamon hazelnut coffee on hot salt (like Turkish coffee)

SCP 2360 🤍🍞🥤

Oil/metal looking doritos, drip, and energy drink (GFuel offbrand)

SCP 3001 💗🍬🥬

Large pomegranate boba pearl encased in a hard candy shell topped with black cherry carmel drizzle

SCP 3301 🍨🔧

Gingerbread house kit that makes a small world map.

SCP 3739  🧀

Mind Milk™ cottage cheese bowl 

SCP Yeah that one ☢🥣🍖🔥🍶

Spicy blood stew with chuck roast topped with white habanero n pineapple hot sauce

A - Spicy veal sausage. A whole big roll of it.

B - Ghost pepper corn chowder

Dr. Bright 🤍

Place holder to show that a food item based off scp 963 isnt the same as a food item based off Jack Bright himself. Thinking something made with whiskey/moonshine or just straight up a whiskey or moonshine… or both honestly.

Dr. Clef 💗🧭🍞

Three colored waffles (one blue, one green, and a barley one) sandwiched between with coconut sugar glaze than topped with thick corn chowder and unnecessary large amount of Corymbia terminalis sap syrup (I have no idea if that sap is even edible/if you can even tap the tree to get enough to make a syrup)

Lady Agora 🤍🍞 🍨

Blood Cornbread Bread Pudding with red colored custard and honey also maybe some herbs/spices/flowers with some magic meanings.

Pangloss 🤍

Little Diy Hotpot

Children of the Scarlet King🥃🍯

Warm red koolaid with alcohol and clumpy jello also candied blood orange and salty foam topping with sour or cinnamon rimming.

Chr*stian Ministries of America🤍 ☢ (I hate censoring stuff but im really not in the mood for the jesus people that dont know this is a fictional group today, be glad I haven't done the vore jesus one yet)

Can Jeremy not place actual blood in a food for once? It’s harder than you’d think. Thinking blood wine… or that weird communion wafer nachos.

Pope Soap Costk Crosstest 🤍 ☢ 🐟

Spicy raw squid with edible foam, also maybe blood sauce dipping and/or apples/whale blubber

~~~

I hope someone enjoy reading this cursed cookbook of ideas. I think I got pretty creative and most stuff here is edible with some just needing replacement ingredients for unattainable items... except all the blood recipes that can be made just cook your pasteurized blood correctly for your own sake.

[thewtpdemon]

Oh no he didn't,

Later on he's such a fucking dick too while possessing raine ;-;

"the spell isn't broken, see?"

Oh fuck you, you goopy shithead offbrand disgusting jello goop old people think is good to put stuff in. I will snap your neck and your bones and throw them down the garbage shoot

YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!

[jellovent]

jellocat mods just fuckin revoked my 2 jellos away because i made ONE offbrand of their species. Funny enough that one of the mods is also an offbrander LOL

Mods really need to see the mirror ain't it?

- ⚠️

[posts-from-a-weirder-timeline]

So. Today on the news: Amazon Lampgate. Nothing’s gonna happen to them (as we all know) but apparently all the lamps came with faulty bulbs... but they still turn on. The issue is, they’re blindingly bright and have blinded thousands of people so far.

Amazon refuses to recall them, and uh. I think that’s an issue? That’s an issue.

Also on the news: Gelly Boxgate. Their boxes aren’t sealed in their latest batch.

[k8ramenreport]

Maggi 3 Minutes Chicken Noodles

I haven't been able to procure decent and fun noodles for a while, so we gotta go off on a tangent with something I've found at my local supermarket for the equivalent of half a dolar a pop. This doesn't claim to be ramen, mind you. It doesn't even try to do that faux Asian thing for the packaging, except for some chopsticks, which I guess are synonymous with instant noodles in this shithole. But Maggi is also synonymous with instant, grandma's-kitchen-tasting soup. So what the hell is going on here? Let's find out.

These are quite small, and only need 250 mL of water. It could be a cup-a-soup if the noodles didn't get in the way. You get some slightly brownish noodles, a pack of what appears to be normal clear oil, and a pack of aggressively yellow powder. Have you ever seen Vegeta (not the DBZ man, the Croatian all-purpose seasoning)? That's what it looks like, bits of carrot and all. I pour the works into my bowl and let it ferment. It cooks reasonably fast. German technology is the best in the world, after all. (Nobody tell her Maggi is a Swiss corporation)

It tastes and smells like every other Maggi soup my grandma's ever made me. Salty, instant, and slightly bland. The noodles are actually pretty good and taste like integral flour. (?) There's no spice to this at all, and yes, the stuff inside the yellow pack is most definitely Vegeta's offbrand cousin. It's kind of an uncanny experience, to be used to spicy noodles and then be faced with this bad imitation. It's instant noodles for extremely white college students who can't handle too much black pepper in their shitty, dull, clear soup. Or perhaps for grandmas raised in socialism who grew up eating instant soups and now want to see what this newfangled instant noodle technology is. The saltiness gets a bit overwhelming by the end of the bowl, and by the time I finish it, I'm ready to have my adult diaper changed and go eat some jello with the other residents of my retirement home.

Overall, I'd rate the Maggi 3 Minutes Chicken Noodles a 62,2/100. I guess we found one thing Germans aren't that good at. (Pssst.)

[4percent]

1- Probably the time bubble adult version of Elely from Wakfu. Shes just,,,,hhhh,,,

2- GRILLED CHEESE. PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY IS STRAIGHT UP DISGUSTING

3- Its not a specific show, but usually one of my fav podcasts.

4- I'm 15. I dont drink.

5- The oldest pair of offbrand converse shoes ever. The sole is ripping apart from the shoes but Im not throwing away my babies.

6- uhh idk

7- Do I look like i remember that

8- I haven't ever worked, I'm not old enough to need to care for myself

9- A basket of laundry I need to put in my closet.

10- Uhh not books but I have an autograph from a band because their manager was in physiotherapy where my dad works at and he treated her. He often gets thank you gifts and that time it was an autograph.

11- Inside, drawing

12- Ive never eaten a bagel

13- Instant noodles or heat up pizza

14- FAVOURITE MUG. OKAY THIS ONE IS GREAT. There exists a pic of me with the caption "I am 30" and i found a super big mug in a store that had a warning sign on it that said "30" and there was a bell on it with the exact same warning sign. So now i have a 30 mug. I love that one so much.

15- Caramel Macchiato. I may not be everyones taste and I'm a bit mainstream, but for those who dont hate mainstream stuff its hard to dislike me. (Not meaning to sound entitled, it's just that I'm not a person you usually dislike. Maybe I'm a bit too loud for u but thats okay)

16- "This vibe, this night, this life" (originally german), Song is Hardcore High by Juju.

17- Herbal all the way, but im not gonna hate on fruit teas. Theyre all right but I just love herbal teas.

18- idrc about what others think of the shows i watch

19- None.

20- I have white and black socks and thats it. My white socks are short and the black ones are long so it rlly depends on the weather.

21- Yeah I was a horse girl until a horse bit me in the back and ripped a muscle

22- Anime. Like REALLY anime.

23- Nah, I'm 15 what would I do

24- Idk what the fuck that is

25- Depends if im in the mood.

26- Grape juice.

27- idk i usually know what im looking for

28- enjoying music

29- Juju. Shes great.

30- Nowhere really

31- The cutie stuff with crop tops.

32- Sunset colored clouds.

33- I dont really have the nerves to care for a pet. Like, daily. If I'm at my friends and have to help walk her dogs or brush the cats, feed the turtles and guinea pigs thats fine but i can't do it daily.

34- Surprisingly photographs! Of my friends :))

35- uhhh what would you do if we kissed meme on my ribcage

36- Im not into the superhero stuff hehe

37- Oceans

38- I was born back then and im not rlly into that music so-

39- Shorts and a T-shirt

40- The left end of the couch.

41- Knives

42- Gib Ihm by Shirin David because her voice was so annoying to me at first

43- oof idk

44- I talk a lot in my captions

45- WHAT ARE THOSE?? They are my crocs!

46-Pizza.

47- Nothing?? American culture confuses me

48-Tf is jello

49- The night me and my friend slept on a trampoline.

50- Im bad at any sport what do you expect

Quarantine Asks: Questions You Usually Wouldn’t Think of Asking But You’re Bored AF

Animated character that was your gay awakening?

Grilled cheese or PB&J?

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on?

Your go-to bar order, if you drink?

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own?

Top three cuisines?

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)?

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had?

Look up. What’s directly across from you?

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general?

Preferred way to spend a rainy day?

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted?

Brunch or midnight snacks?

Favorite mug you own

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as?

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!)

Fruity or herbal teas?

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless?

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying?

Do you match your socks?

Have you ever been horseback riding?

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc)

Have you ever been to jail?

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)?

Puzzles?

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it?

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore?

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now?

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat?

Where could someone find you in a museum?

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to?

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds?

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be?

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs?

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go?

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with

Lakes, rivers, or oceans?

Favorite mid-2000s song

How do you dress when you’re home alone?

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)?

Knives or swords?

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online?

Name a classic Vine

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store?

How do you top your ice cream?

Do you like Jello?

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did?

How are you at climbing trees?