#off my meds because I dont have a psychiatrist

[whotfislynn]

Can I have like, one break? Like, please. Like this is making me crazy and I don’t understand what is going on and I think I don’t want to but I also really want to. Can I just sleep? Have one thought at a time? Maybe not have the weird urge to spend an insane amount of money (that I dont have) or drink an excessive amount of alcohol alone in my room? Can I please know how Ill feel in 5 minutes? Can I please don’t get angry and frustrated and become the worst possible human being?…..gimme a break. I am begging you. I just want one minute of peace

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Me the first two sessions with my psychiatrist: Yeah I'm doing great, I love my job, I love my life!

Me at the third session: I've been lying to you this whole time about everything, and I may be dying

[tvheadfalls]

ventranting about german mental healthcare again !!!! OH BOY

so after thinking about it for a long time i decided ok ill just go to a psychiatric clinic for a few weeks to get all the diagnoses i need so i can get meds and some therapy and just be away from the bullshit for a while. i do this mostly because at this point everyone has told me to just do that, and that itll be easier to get those that way, because no fucking psychiatrist or neurologisr is currently taking on new patients.

i call the hospital that the therapist i went to recommended me. they dont take my insurance. they suggest me a sister clinic. i call there. they dont do diagnoses, they only take people in on the Basis of diagnoses. they suggest me to the hospital that is responsible for my area, that will HAVE to take me. lady on the phone immediately shuts me off from talking and just tells me to email their adhd section specifically. i look them up online. IT SAYS THEY DONT CURRENTLY TAKE ON NEW PATIENTS

I wrote the email anyway with a very passive aggressive I WAS TOLD ON THE PHONE TO CONTACT YOU ^_^ but like man this is literally. impossible. like i cant EVEN go somewhere way far out because theyre not gonna be responsible for my area and my insurance probably wont take it. so it just literally is impossible rn. ive actually exhausted my options. its fucking ridiculous!! and my MD and the jobcenter guy are just gonna tell me again to keep trying youre just not trying hard enough :) dont let them turn you away. yeah right im gonna fucking beg a secretary who has nothing to do w the doctors to let me in. im going to Fucking Explode

OH ALSO the hospital that is REQUIRED to take me thats like my only hope at this point? absolutely dogshit reviews. under 3 stars with over a 100 reviews. people threatening to take legal action in the comments. and i am gonna get blamed if *i* dont wanna go there. fucking Lmfao

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

How do you get over dislike/distrust in therapy?

Ive been seieng shrinks on and off since i was 12. they only ever were effective for getting me medication or telling my parents to stop being dicks. as an adult, ive tried a few different therapists but the search is exhausting, and even after finding someone, it always ends up being annoying, akward, and obvious they dont actually care

I know therapy is good and would help me etc, but finding therapists is damn near impossible, let alone finding a good one. Theyre all overbooked and its hard to see a therapist caring about me in any way more than "Person who pays money to sit around while i join the zoom call late and force them to meditate while i try to remember why theyre seeing me"

My psychiatrist decided to drop me because I couldnt find any therapists available as I work 40+ hours a week, and tbh her dropping me didnt inspire me to look harder, its just making me want to give up on all of this entirely (luckily my PCP will keep providing my meds but jfc)

I'm gonna butt in with the controversial opinion that you do not have to be in therapy if you do not want to be and also haven't benefitted from it. There are other ways to work on yourself which are just as valid - and while therapy CAN be really good and helpful, it is not actually inherently superior to all other coping strategies.

[cellophobia]

i went to the psychiatrist today and there is so much to fucking say. she was like "i don't know if im the provider for you if you can't stay on your medications" and "we keep changing things around and nothing is working."

i GET the not staying on meds part but girl ive been taking this medication for 10 months and ive been taking antipsychotics in general, CONSISTENTLY, for 2.5 years. is it not fucking valid to say that i don't want to take them anymore? just because im bipolar, i have to listen to you and put something in my body that I Don't Want To Put In My Body??? especially a medication class that is KNOWN to have some of the worst side effects of any mental health med.

antipsychotics have made me a zombie. they have made me stupid. they've made me emotionless and stoic and anhedonic. i have tried killing myself THREE TIMES this year alone and i was hospitalized multiple times for ideation from 2022-2023. guess how many times i was hospitalized from 2015-2022? ONCE. it's just getting fucking worse and worse and i can't imagine that it's a coincidence that it started getting worse once i started these meds.

i know hypomania can progress into mania and it's not always fun but holy fuck. she finally gave in and prescribed me lithium to try again but fuck it. i don't even want to see her again. i thought she was on my side but it seems like along with Every Fucking Person, she judges me. why can't i just be? why do i have to do this?

i honestly just don't give a fuck anymore. judge me for getting off my meds and judge me for being fat and judge me for getting high all the time. i've tried to hide it, i really have. if i get "bad" food, i hide it in the side yard so i can go get it without my mom seeing. but what's the fucking point? i don't care today. i walked in with booze and a soda and ice cream and no i really couldn't afford it but this will make me feel better, and maybe getting fucked up will make me feel better too.

im sorry but if i have to choose between brain damage from mania or brain damage from severe, persistent depression, im gonna choose the mania. and if you don't fucking sympathize with me and tsk tsk at me like i don't fucking know what i'm doing, then i really dont need you in my life.

[spaceumbredoggos]

HIRSHEY BAR DIDNT LET ME PUT ANY KENZ SPOILERS IN MY BOOK. SPOILSPORT. HERE’S SOME EMBARRASSING KENZ SECRETS:

THEY PISSED THEMSELF IN THIRD GRADE AND CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AT NIGHT

I LIKE TO PUT REALLY DARK THOUGHTS IN THEIR HEAD TO SEE THEIR REACTION. THEY KNOW ITS ME AND THEY DONT BOTHER TO TELL THEIR THERAPISTS OR PSYCHIATRISTS ABOUT IT. PROBABLY BECAUSE THEYRE EMBARRASED TO BE THAT OBSESSED WITH GRAVITY FALLS.

THEY USED TO HAVE PHYSICAL CAT SHIFTS WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE. THEY WERE SHAMED OUT OF IT.

THEY CANT STOP WATCHING PSYCH WARD TIKTOKS AND REQUIRES THE CHAOS OF YOUTUBERS BEING EXPOSED, TLC, WORLD’ STRICTEST PARENTS, AND SOMETIMES OLD MINECRAFT VIDEOS IN ORDER TO FUNCTION. TIKTOK AND YOUTUBE SHORTS HAS FRIED THEIR BRAIN THAT MUCH YET THEY WONT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO PROVE THEIR DAD RIGHT.

I CAUGHT THEM TRYING TO SACRIFICE SOME OF THEIR BLOOD TO ME IN ONE OF THEIR JOURNALS.

THEY LOVE BEING POSSESSED BY ME. ITS SO EASY TO JUST TAKE OVER THEIR MIND AND WATCH THEM DOZE OFF AND TAKE A BREAK FROM EXISTING. THEYRE CONSTANTLY TIRED FROM EITHER THEIR MEDS, THEIR ADHD, OR BOREDOM. THEIR MIND IS A WELL ORGANIZED PLACE WITH LOTS OF PROTECTIVE MEASURES. BUT I CAN EXPLOIT EVERYTHING.

ZIEZ NEVER FORGAVE THEMSELF FROM WHEN THEY WERE TEN YEARS OLD AND DISSOCIATED TO THE POINT OF SKINNING A SNAKE ALIVE AND FEEDING IT TO THEIR DOG. PROBABLY DOESNT HELP THAT THEIR STEP MOM AND DAD KEPT BRINGING IT UP.

I SOMETIMES INVADE THEIR BRAIN WHEN THEYRE ASLEEP ON THEIR INFLATABLE ORCA WHALE IN THE POOL. WATER CALMS THEM DOWN.

THEY LIVE PLATONIC SNUGGLES BUT THE VERY SIGHT OF ANYTHING SEXUAL SENDS THEM INTO A SQUICK ANEURYSM. THEY CAN READ IT JUST FINE, BUT THE SIGHT OF A COCK OR ANY NAKED BODY CAUSES THEM TO LEAVE THE INTERNET. THEY HATE SEX AND THEIR DARK AND TWI—

I just awoke from a nap just now. Woah. Don’t want him revealing that. But yeah. I hate sex. I hate that my body wants sex. I hate having sexual fantasies. I want to have normal fantasies back when I didn’t know what sex was.

[ghoulodont]

hi do you guys want to see what i do all day on sick leave on this stupid antipsychotic thats not helping and making everything worse. ive been researching what to ask my psychiatrist for and this image keeps coming up (i cut off the end because its just listing different medications) and its pissing me the fuck off. its "recommendations" of what to do when an antipsychotic causes akathisia which is basically restlessness, like a physical need to move.

3rd priority option is to take a medication to make it better which is what im doing currently (it doesnt work) and i want to try a different one.

2nd priority option is to fuck around with antipsychotics. this sounds logical at first because if you stop taking the med causing akathisia it usually stops the akathisia but then you have to try new meds, your symptoms get worse, nightmare, evil, horrible, et cetera.

whats making me so annoyed is the 1st option. psychosocial intervention? it means "patient education" and things like that. this image is saying that if your patient is experiencing a genuinely torturous side effect is to tell them dont worry, its normal, remember its worth it to make your symptoms go away, try using cbt skills maybe, please dont kill yourself, and so forth. so demeaning

they literally used this for torture. like the soviet union or whoever gave people haldol to make them have this side effect. just trust me i dont feel like looking it up

[conanssummerchild]

okay so id initially put this in the tags of your ask but i thought id put it in your askbox so you don't feel obligated to answer it or you wanna answer privately instead cause it's very rambly and kinda personal

#also im curious. what do you do after you get an autism dx?#because like back when my psychiatrist evaluated me for a bunch of things. i was curious if i was somewhere on the autism spectrum too#cause i did check a lot of boxes#and she essentially told me i have a lot of the overlapping stuff because of other conditions and i could do the autism evaluation#but it would be a waste of time for me because it wasnt my main dx and doesn't make my life unbearable#because im already taking meds and shit for other stuff but you dont take meds or really do anything about having autism#so she basically told me you might be on the spectrum but there's no point in getting a dx cause it doesnt change anything#but also cuz for me it's probably mild and doesnt affect my every day life that much#so yeah i guess i was curious. im so sorry if this comes off as rude btw#because i know getting dxed changed my life and its so much better now. and im so proud of you for that finally happening#and my situation is very different from yours like even if i am on the spectrum it probably doesn't affect me to an extent where it fucks#with my every day life to an unbearable degree yk#but im definitely curious about how you go forward once you get an autism diagnosis when it does significantly affect your life. like do you do anything about it?#i do know it's validating as hell and your parents will finally take you seriously. cause you've obviously known for a while#and again i know its gonna get so much better hereon. getting dxed literally changes your life and im so so happy for you#how did your family and everyone take it?#like i had the worst relationship with my parents i was gonna cut them off after school but it got so much better after my dx#like they became so much more understanding and like put in the effort to change and be better and its still a long road but yeah#it's kind of fucking awesome and life changing and i really hope it is for you too#im so so so happy for you

well i guess i dont really know yet, i had an appointment yesterday at school hours and i went alone and then i went straight back to school and now im at my friends house so i havent seen my parents yet. i have my last appointment with my psycologist in 2 weeks and that one is with my parents so its basically when shes going to tell them, i dont plan on telling my dad about it before then bcs he can go fuck himself but i am going to tell my mum as soon as she gets home from barcelona. so i cant really say anything parents-wise yet. as for like outside that at the moment theres really nothing at all i can do until my parents are in on it, since im a minor my parents are the ones who choose if the school knows and i can get accomodations but if they choose not to tell them theres really not much i can do, so for me a diagnosis doesnt change much (apart from FINALLY after more than EIGHT years knowing whats different abt me) unless my parents let it change stuff, and at the moment i font know if they will :/, so to answer "what do you do after a diagnosis?" i really dont know. if u want to get diagnosed though and u think you could i would probably go for it, you can keep it to urself since ur over 18 so u dont have to tell anyone else if u dont want to and idk it might come in handy even if it doesnt it is nice to feel validated but anyway its up to you <3

ps: you can literally ask me anything u want to know i dont mind and dont worry abt coming off as rude i dont think u r <33 love u

[lolitalempicka]

something my psychiatrists in teh years never dont understan is how the therapy is was destroyed me just like the medicstion i used to be so happy when i was seeverly underweighr bc iv eslways known my calling was to sacrifice and when i was 16 nd i thought saint catherine was talkinf to me i had never felt more comforted and now im miserable my body doesnt fit my soul the therapy broight me away from my true self and public rehab just put me back in a cylxe of psychological torture and relapse i cant deal havinf to weigh myself everytime i have an apointment i need someone who will see past my esting disorder bc it wasnt really a disorder but a fragment of a bigger identity im trying to fulfill its never been about being skinnt it is about living like im meant to be. Why do they take away the universe speaking to me but its cool when dudes take psychedelics and have hallucinations i want rhem back. Theres not a day where im not miserable im only happy when im off my meds because i start FERLing and LOVING again and im not an apathetic amoeba who lives like a worm. I domt need drugs to unlock my psychic powers. I already am prone to them. The medication takes away my true self identity and now im old my body is fucked its harder and harder to get back to my truest form and i miss my real self. anorexia is just a label they put on me and they put me in a bubble where i cant get help anymore because now myy

[fagcrush]

i know it doesnt always help to hear but i thought id tryin(also srry in advance i hve my glasses off im dying of head hurty so there will be ssooooo mnay misspellings. also i might have just outed which mutual i am who keeps sendig asks on anon cuz of what i just posted and waht i just said oops)

but you should never feel bad for taking meds! im personally on uhh. wait i cant count. 5? i think? prescription meds? not all of them are daily but yeah its a lot. plus the over the counter stuff i take as well.

some days it can be hard to look at my pillcase and see all og that. but like you gottta remind urself that its like. its like an aid. its kinda similar to using a cane or crsutches or a wheelschair. like. just cuz ur issues are mental not physical doesnt mean you dont deserve help.

AND DONT FEEL BAD OR LABEL URSEFL AS BROKEN CUZ OF IT! i know its so easy to fall down that path. but you must remember you are loved. sooo loved. especilly by ur f/os. they told me. they told me that they loe you so much btw.

anyway im sorry this is like. not as well worrded as my other asks. wait. i realized i dnt sign any of these off. so uh. you dont know which ones i sent in th past so you have no point of rdefernce.

but yeah. i just wannaeted. to idk. just tell you that i maybe understand what ur going thru and that i am here to offer a lil bit of support. mayeb. idk if anything says helps maybe i just come off as some pretentious perdon telling u to "simply not think about the bad thing thats vurrently consuming all ir thoughts" but i know from personal experience how hard it can be topush tohse ideas outta ur head BUT YOU GOTTA TRY ANYWAY YOU CANT LET URSELF THINK LIKE THAT CUZ UR SO COOL AND PERFECT

You're right it rlly is just like. Using a mobility aid but for my brain. I don't think it helps that I came from a family that didn't believe in psychiatric meds at all (I didn't get on citalopram til I was 18, MAYBE 17, because they refused for years, and that was prescribed by my gp. I didn't get a psychiatrist til I think my 20s and they like. Stopped taking me/paying for him after like 2 appointments. I was working minimum wage part time bc of school at the time so I would not have been able to support that for myself)

But thank you really. I don't rlly know who this is tho I have a faint idea that might be wrong LMAO so ur good

[halfdeadwallfly]

every time i have a mental problem i have to go through my regular doctor to do anything about it. so i just went in to get a referral for an adhd assessment (bc for some reason my psychiatrist isnt allowed to do it) and like every time ive gone in they say ok sure but its probably anxiety. have you thought about the fact that it might be anxiety. your therapist might not have brought this up but in addition to whatever youre trying to figure out.... have you thought about anxiety? because anxiety often has symptoms. and sometimes. well sometimes those symptoms cause problems. so what if your problems are anxiety. in fact i think your problem is anxiety. it gets so fucking old bc yes obviously? ive had an anxiety diagnosis for four years and probably had it my entire life, my therapist and now psychiatrist are well aware that i have anxiety in fact i take medication for it, actually multiple medications, and the prescription amount has increased four fold since i started and in addition i think its actually pretty obvious that anxiety has fucking symptoms that can cause problems and i think actually if that was the only thing going on the therapy ive been getting for it would have actually done something. so no thanks i appreciate the suggestion but its not fucking anxiety? like yes my anxiety causes me problems and i am well fucking aware of them but like all the stuff i have going on that sounds like it could be adhd? the diagnosed ocd? not anxiety. the literal tic disorder? not. fucking. anxiety. and i am so fucking tired of going in and having to explain what these things mean to people who obviously dont even have the basic amount of knowledge to understand it. my doctor does not know how ocd works. not even on a base level. i went in and said that i had been recommended to start taking meds for ocd and she said. i dont think that sounds like ocd. do you ever have to do things like switch lights on and off? what you have sounds like anxiety. no. it makes me fucking angry. it makes me so fucking angry and im so fucking tired of just explaining over and over and over and over and not being understood.

[psychabolition]

I want to go off my meds. I don’t know if I admitted to myself how much I hate them until I was watching a YouTube video. It was supposed to be about movies. But it cut in to talk about the importance of medication and how mentally ill people should be sure to always take their meds. I wanted to cry. I still want to cry. I’ve been taking my meds diligently over two and a half years now. I’m not better. I took my meds diligently today. It didn’t stop me from thinking about standing in the middle of the road and letting a car run me over while I was at the crosswalk. My mom talks about how she was depressed as a teen too, and how it turned out to just be a hormonal imbalance and how meds really helped her. She doesn’t understand when I tell her I don’t want them. She doesn’t understand when I have a mental breakdown at the psychiatrist’s office (the alternative is masking everything and straight up lying to her face). Or she gets mad at me. She says I expect my medication to just be “magic” and “fix everything” and that I don’t get that I have to work to get better. Which I UNDERSTAND THAT THEY WON’T FIX EVERYTHING BUT IT FEELS LIKE THEY DON’T FIX ANYTHING. I remember learning in my AP Stats class about the placebo effect, and I asked if there was a reverse version of it. Something not working because you believe it doesn’t work. My teacher said yes. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I just have to believe harder. But I want to sneakily stop taking my meds. I know my parents will be mad. They paid good money for them. But I have money. I can pay them back. I’ve tried to tell them multiple times. They won’t listen.

Well first, no matter your age and no matter what psychs or your parents tell you, You always know best who and how you are and what you need . If you feel like your meds dont help you, then they dont .

The placebo (or nocebo) effect describes how taking literal sugar pills every morning that have no effect because theres no medication in it can also make you feel a little bit better or a little bit worse simply because you believe that they have an effect - its also included in every study design as a way to test if meds actually work . They give one group sugar pills and the other gets the actual meds and then they try to find out if the medication works better than literal sugar pills. So if the only reason your meds had any positive or negative effect would be placebo or nocebo then you would be better off taking sugar pills since those at least dont make you physically dependent on them 💀💀💀 so no, you dont have to believe in meds for them to work . If antidepressants work or not is also heavily debated by the way . I recommend you read these studies . Youre not at fault for your meds not working, its psychiatry's fault .

This is an anti psych harm reduction guide for coming off psych meds . It can be really dangerous to suddenly stop taking your meds , so please read this guide about how to come off your meds .

Also in this ask I mentioned a few examples on what we can do to stop relying on psychiatry as an institution to help us and also how to protect us as far as possible from being oppressed by this institution . :)

Hope youre doing better soon . Ik how hard life can be .

[apollo-zero-one]

How to cope with someone else going through a hard time the same time you arengoing though a hard time?????

I can't do this it feels like everything is bad in the world (I'm off my FUCKING meds because I have just been let down by TWO psychiatrists who don't have the time of day for me) and my mom is getting beat up at her job and my partner is getting beat up by his dad and they are venting to me and I want to nuke the planet to put everyone out of our misery I dont know what the fuck to do!!! Stop telling me bad news I'm goinh to kill myself I genuinely don't know why the fuck YOU haven't killed yourself yet these are hopeless unbearable life ruining situations and I for one GIVE UP

STOP TELLING ME BAD NEWS! STOP!!! STOP IT!!!! FIND SOMEONE ELSE I CANT HELP YOU YOU ARE MAKING ME FEEL WORSE AND I AM ALREADY REALLY FUCKING BAD RIGHT NOW

[kisssssessssssyj]

next week i finally have my very first psychiatrist appointment. It‘s mainly so I can get my meds prescribed (I‘m living off of scraps rn it feels like) but I really feel like I have a bunch to talk about.

kinda tw//death, sa, knifes and all that shit I dont wanna have this all open 😭

We can start with the fact that I‘m still super depressed from my mom‘s death, so sad I haven‘t even processed my grandma’s death yet. I still often feel like she‘s still alive I just dont see her as much.

Then my emmetophobia definetly, this phobia forbids me from eating on some days. I have frequent panic attacks when I‘m outside trying to meet people.

adding to that, I dont have any friends. I try to meet ppl irl and I get a panic attack and just leave, that is super embarrassing. I also get bullied at school even tho I‘m a fucking adult idk how that keeps happening to me.

then i need to recover from being sa‘d multiple times, thats something I havent even told many people cuz I‘m actually kinda embarrassed of it all :// I hate that I am

I also need to recover from that year long friendship that ended cuz my friend has a disorder she cant control. I‘m so sad she left my life even tho she has been the girl that came at me with a knife once. I know her diagnosis and I know so much about her that makes me think there is so much more. I wish she was still my friend and I wish we could ever find a way to match again

I especially need to learn how to trust people, anyone nice to me I feel like is just there to backstab me, like when classmates outed me as jewish infront of my classe‘s neo nazi. I‘m always scared to post on the internet cuz I think people will know its me.

actual intrusive thoughts haunt me, not those „oh lemme throw my sandwich at him“ but holding a knife is so scary to me cuz what if I accidentally stab someone??? adding to that I have this thing that when my wrists and neck arent coverd I feel so anxious (??) I‘ve had this since elementary school, it‘s kinda the only thing i remember from my time then but, when I dont wear a watch or a turtleneck i have to cover my wrists and neck because i literally feel like I‘m about to die. (it‘s not a constant thing but definitely often)

i dont sh anymore or have any thoughts of wanting to die and that I‘m very proud of but those arent the only symptoms of any disorder. I‘ve only ever been diagnosed with adhd, (dyslexia and dyscalculia) and depression but I know there is way more, especially do I think that I have autism since my symptoms go beyond just adhd.

now on a happier note and talking about adhd, my friend thinks he has adhd aswell (no diagnosis but me with my knowledge can definitely tell) and he talks about not wanting to take meds or anything, not cuz he feels like they’re bad or anything but because he has found a work place where he can work just like that and doesnt need that help of meds, I kinda felt like sharing cuz I‘m proud of him :3 thats my goal in life, finding a job in which I can work without any sort of meds <3

this was a long ass talk that could also be put in a diary but eh I’m not buying one and notes app is reserved for actual important things (like school work and appointments) tumblr is my personal diary.

thinking about it, I should maybe buy a diary and also write in it in German so I dont loose my skills (dyslexia affects mostly German for some reason I’m pretty good at English writing)

so i talked wayyyyyy too much but idc, if you read it all which i doubt cuz no one is on my blog, lmk cuz ily🙏😔😍

[rutht444]

first psychiatrist appt june 19 2024

Where do I even begin?

First of all it felt so OFF when i arrived inside the building. Always trust your gut and when I tell you everything was telling me it was wrong. First the receptionist was rude af didn't help me at all. People giving me weird looks. I think im so mad and sad that i was excited to see one and finally getting help, and my experience was bad. When i first met him he was nice but omg the lack of empathy, the lack of questions, making me feel stupid? He was like so what's going on do you have any trauma, like wtf. He didn't even ask me alot of questions about my ptsd, how my symptoms are like huh? Did not review what i was feeling at the moment. Just sat there and cried and pescribed me two medications. he asked me what happened and what did I take and did not seem to care if it was triggering?? That bothered me the most. I tried to be strong and not cry too much. Did not ask me if i was okay. I just felt rushed and I didn't like that. like why tf would u ask me what happened and relieved that moment and try to remember what happened. I think that threw me off. I just need to get this out of my mind. Like what if he triggered my ptsd and i wanted to kill myself. Luckily right now I dont feel like that at all. I just suffer from anxiety and depression. My symptoms for ptsd I think are acute. I'm just anxious most of the time and can't do simple tasks. I dissociate most of the time thats the main problem. Also I can never sleep i always sleep around 3am. But as of right now, I dont feel suicidal I haven't felt like that in a while. I just feel numb like idk what happened in the last 6 months I didnt realized I was so depressed. My problem is feeling unmotivated most of the time. I'm just so thankful for my sister to reach out when it was the perfect timing. Like even with the pharmacy was acting difficult. It was God and the universe protecting me. I am so grateful and thankful this happened. If i got my meds right away, i would of taken them. But so glad I didnt. My sister was there for me when I needed her. I could cry because all of this is overwhelming thats why I put it off for so many years. I can't believe I i was struggling since 2017. I can't believe I never took care of myself. Its just crazy how long I struggled for. 7 years of struggling with this. It's time to take action and help myself. My goal is to take care of my health spirtually,mentally and physically. I know it's going to take time but I recovered so much of my symptoms already. I recovered from having an eating disorder, I know i can concentrate more, I know my triggers, I'm so grateful God made sure I am alive today. Thankful fo my well being, my sister, my bella, my parents for not pressuring me to do something I dont want to do. i want to see what my life would look for a year from now. I am ready for change, I am ready for meds, I am ready to cure my anxiety and depression.