#of things all of this worrying is nonsensical bc if it works out i *am* going to propose to you but the thing I'm kinda lowk worrying abt

[southernvampire]

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[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Had to split the last chapter into 2 separate ones bc i got a bit overzealous with this one... so here’s chapter 3! may be a longer bit before 4′s ready, but  Enjoy! [tw: blood, mentions of suicidal thoughts/ death/ survivors guilt]

Ch1 Ch2

Tsunade: Enter. Kks: Mornin’. Tsunade: Kakashi. I got your message. So, Gai made it out of the coma, huh. I’ll go see how his condition is when I’m done here. Kks: I’m sure he’ll love that, but that’s not why I’m here. Tsunade: Are you looking for work? I can assign you-. Kks: More of a discussion. About the hokage thing.

Tsunade: Are you finallt giving me an answer? Kks: Yup. I’m saying no. I’m not interested. However, if there is truly no one else, I have a compromise if you’re interested.

Tsunade:It’d better be a good deal, brat. The council won’t be happy with this. You were about to accept months ago. Why say no now? Kks: Alot’s changed since then.

Gai: Papa

[gai sighs] [window sliding]

Kks: Yo. Gai: Rival!! Happy to see you! Kks: I see you’ve had visitors

Gai: Yes! I am so lucky and moved! Especially from our students! Kks: How are you feeling? Gai: Sore. Stiff. But much better than this morning. [kks hums] Kks: Sorry I took so long. Got caught up. Gai: Nonsense! I was honored to wake up to see both of your beautiful eyes first thing. You look so youthful! You left in such a hurry, you left your shoes. Kks: Yeah, had a soggy walk to my apartment. Can’t return those slippers now. Gai: How are /you/ feeling?

Gai: You seemed so overwhelmed and I couldn’t move. I feel like i’ve missed so much. Kks: I’m ok now. Just needed some air. Plus, sorted some things I’d been neglecting. I knew you’d be flooded with visitors. So, I stayed out of the way. Gai: Pretty cool response per usual. Kks: I think you’re pretty cool

Kks: How long are you stuck here? Did they say? Gai: A few weeks. Most of it depends on the physical therapy progress. My chakra network is fried. It’ll be slow to heal if at all. They’ve never treated my condition before, so the doctors are not sure what’ll happen

Kks: Did Tenten tell you about her plans? Kankuro even offered his experience building a prosthetic. Gai: Yes. She was very excited. Kks: /You/ don’t seem as enthused. What’s bugging you? you’re usually delighted by your team’s passion or whatever. Gai: I am truly touched because I know she’ll give it her all, but...

Gai: It won’t make a difference. Kks: What did the doctor say? Gai: Even if I can stand or walk, I’ll have lasting damage and pain. I’ll need a wheelchair the rest of my life. My time as an active duty shinobi is done.

Kks: You’ll get through this. Gai: What am I going to do, ‘Kashi? Kks: You’re stubborn enough. I’m sure you’ll find a way to prove them wrong. Like walking on your hands or something. You’ll be a menace in a wheelchair in no- Gai: I do not want you or my students burdened by my injury

Kks: That’s what you’re worried about? You think mourning you would have been any easier on anyone? You’re more to them than just a teacher. If you could have Dai back right now, wouldn’t you want that? Gai: Of course I would. Kks: Then see it from their perspectives. Don’t just lie down and accept this is how your life ends. That’s not how Dai raised you.

Kks: This is terrifying to deal with, Gai, It’s ok to feel overwhelmed. But please don’t give up. I won’t let you. Gai: I was prepared to die Kks: ...I’ve understood wanting to be dead for a long time. I get it. Gai: I do not regretn my decision at all. Regardless, I’ve hurt you the most. I know you’re angry.

Kks: I won’t lie to you. I am angry. Extremely. But I’ve wasted so much time pushing you away already. I don’t want to waste anymore time we have left. The only consistent thing in my life has always been you. I’ve said horrible things to you, and you never abandoned me. I think all the time about how I would have turned out if you didn’t keep me human. Self sacrifice seems to be something we have in common. Neither of us were meant to be without the other apparently... We’ve both been brought back from death. So maybe it’s...

Baby gai: You’re my eternal rival... My man of- Kks: Destiny

Kks: Strongesttaijutsu master who ever lived. My eternal rival. My man of destiny. I’m so happy you’re alive

[gai crying]

[Gai sobbing/crying]

[tangerinesilk]

－ I CAN SEE YOU : TANGERINE X FEM!READER

tangerine is going on a solo mission… well, at least he thinks he is. with lemon missing by his side, he’s left with one other option that is supposed to make his job easier. unfortunately for him, you’re not the easiest to work with. stubborn, strong-minded and feisty. you’re both so alike yet nothing has made your bloods boil more than each other. 

rating ✷ r (18+ minors dni!)

warnings ✷ (very quick) smut: fem receiving, kisses all over bodies, a needy but quick hj, p in v, dirty talk, praising, implied rough (consensual) sex / others: cursing, drinking alcohol, mention and use of guns and violence, male hurting female (?) but not between main characters, mentions of blood and wounds.

tropes ✷ enemies to lovers!!!, person a is all talk no bite + person b knows that but still pushes them, playful banter, hiding together in small spaces, fake dating (?), if one is hurt– the other goes a bit crazy, says ‘i dont care’ then cares 5 seconds later. 

word count ✷ 6k!

songs that fit the vibe ✷ i can see you - taylor swift | moth to a flame - swedish house mafia + the weeknd | king of my heart - taylor swift | attention - charlie puth | nonsense - sabrina carpenter

a/n ✷ so i made a poll a months ago and this trope + pairing won! i’ve honestly been wanting to write a dave lizewski one as well and got a request idea. so.. we will see lmao. i will probably post then maybe edit later if there's still things i don't like... also, if you couldn't tell but im kind of a swiftie so i will love to write fics inspired by whole ass albums y'all.

but i hope this is what u guys expected and wanted. i actually do love writing for tangerine. just gives into my delulu thoughts. also, if you guys would like a plain pwp fic and not all of this fluff and dialogue stuffed inside, pls let me know bc i am definitely into that idea. 🫡

“You had to go and get yourself shot… then you wonder why you have to wear a bulletproof vest. Fuckin’ hell.” 

Tangerine kept his voice at a hushed tone, basically talking under his breath as he strutted through the grand hall of the hotel. Golden light glossed over his figure, passing by couples who were at standing tables with their cocktails.

“Well, Thomas said-”

“Thomas didn’t say shit. Don’t get me fuckin’ started now.”

Lemon already knew Tan was in a bad mood. Another Thomas the Tank Engine factoid wasn’t a playful move right now.

“Hey, mate. Don’t get all fussy wit’ me. You’re just mad about your new partner for the night.” Lemon rolled his eyes.

“Can’t believe I can’t be held accountable of myself. I can handle it on my own but you had to call the fuckin’ princess-” 

“She’s good. Your denial is obnoxious, bruv. It’s only a night, you get in and get out.” Lemon replied, holding his wounded side as he laid in his bed back in England, “What happened between you two that you’ve got beef like this?”

“No time to explain nor do I have the patience.” He arrived at the small bar to the side of the room, “If I leave her behind, can I take half the pay that’s supposed to be hers?” Tangerine asked.

“She’s supposed to be wearing a red dress. You’ll see her there… and please don’t cause a scene.” His brother begged.

“No promises.” He replied before hanging up. 

Tangerine blows a sigh past his lips, quickly asking for his drink of choice before scanning the mass of people around him. His blue eyes could only search so fast for the man that the hit was called on, causing him an instant frustration when he’s already worried about you ruining things regardless of how long you’re together.

“He’s next to the woman in the tacky gold ballgown… about two feet away from the ice sculpture.” Your soft voice suddenly spoke next to him, “But, I didn’t need to tell you that, right?”

The smirk on your face burned at his nerves and you noticed the clench in his jaw.

“Well, if it isn’t the fuckin’ Queen herself.” He said in a stern tone, “What? Germany was too borin’ for ya? Had to figure out a way to ruin someone’s operation?”

“Lemon is the one who called me in, and it isn’t about you. It’s about the pay out… you’re bound to screw something up with your ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ tactic.” You trailed, rolling your eyes as you turned your head away.

“And I’m certainly not afraid to use that tonight and not your fucked up, painfully long mind games like some fuckin’ psycho thilling killer.” He spat as his drink was place in front of him.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “Fuck you.”

“Darling, I’m flattered, but we have more important things to do right now.” He lowly groaned, purposefully looking at his target so his back was facing toward you.

Behind his tall stature, you glimpsed past his shoulder and saw your target chatting up a woman. 

He won’t be smiling for long, you thought.

“Alright, I’ll wait for him to slip away, follow him and you go through the kitchen.” Tangerine said under his breath, keeping quiet for only you to hear him.

“To go where?” You ask, walking around him to stand face to face.

“Erm…” He sighed, “Whatever car or vehicle you got here in, drive yourself back to whatever place you’re staying and I’ll figure out how to wire you the money.” He shrugged, downing the rest of his drink.

He took a step but you placed your hand on the center of his chest, “Not so fast. I’m not going down if you make a mess of this.”

“I don’t make messes. Well, actually, I get away with them once I’ve done ‘em so, I don’t need to worry about a liability.” Tangerine smirked, a bit of a tilt to his head. Cheeky bastard.

“The only liability here is the one who is ready to pull the trigger in his back.” You said before huffing, “I’m not sorry for what happened in Paris, but that was my choice. So, I’m going with you because it’s our operation. You know… I don’t need a fucking helping hand either.” You practically growled.

The two of you held a long gaze, creating a tense eye contact before he sighed, “Didn’t even say anythin’ about Paris, but if you’d like to assume I’m still mad ‘bout that, be my guest, princess.”

His shoulder bumped yours, making you clench your jaw before quickly following behind his tall stature. While he seemed persistent, you grabbed his hand which made him stop in his tracks in the middle of the dance floor.

He turned, “Am I your babysitter?”

“No, you’re my date. Hold my hand, you idiot.” Your eyes pierced through his.

As he looked down at your hand, he slowly grasped it, your fingers intertwining with one another’s before he proceeded through the glamorous crowd.

Couples swayed and waltzed between each step you took, assuming you were unnoticed by your target. Tangerine kept his eyes on him, easy to with the frosty-white full head of hair he had slicked back. The woman in the tacky dress ran her hand down his shoulder, pressing her lips to his ear to whisper something which made you and Tangerine veer to the side at a standing table.

“Are they movin’?” He asked, facing his back toward them.

Your eyes smoothly shift, taking a quick glance at the assumed couple. You ran your hand down Tangerine’s arm, accidentally feeling how toned his bicep was through the thick fabric of his suit jacket. You almost glanced down, wanting to give another squeeze before clearing your throat. A heat rose on your cheeks as you turned your head to face away from him.

“Y-Yeah, near the bathroom. There’s also a backdoor that leads up to the second floor… lots of private rooms for reasons that are obvious.” You said in a hushed tone, moving away from him to the other side of the table.

“Alright, since you wanna tag along, I’ll follow them and you cover the door.” Tangerine suggested once again.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “You do understand what teamwork is, yes?”

He chuckled, “Yes, I go up there, shoot a few rounds, then we make a getaway.”

“Will you just trust me?”

“Your trust means nothing… I need to know you’re not going to fuck anything up. Just like in Paris.”

You smirked, “So you do have that against me.”

“Well, it’s not like it was your best. Leave me with a shot in the arm, Lemon on the ground and you, little miss greed, get away with your cash. If we all did this job for money, we wouldn’t be riskin’ our lives just runnin’ around killin’ or resucin’ people just for someone’s dime. You obviously do though.”

You narrowed your eyes, “You don’t know me…”

“Nor do you know me so…” He huffed, “Let’s just do what we have to do.”

There was tension between you, as if there was more fo a protective instinct than hate toward one another. You couldn't figure out Tangerine’s deal. Why was he so hostile toward you? Yes, what happened in Paris was fucked up, but he wasn’t the type to hold a grudge. He didn’t take shit from anyone, so why were you getting under his skin?

“Shit!” He grunted under his breath, seeing your target disappear into the hall.

The two of you hurry, yet still try to act casual to not raise eyebrows, and exit into the same hallway. As you push open the door, you hear the two talking in the stairwell before another door closes.

“You got your gun on you?” He asked as his hand slid into the back of his pants.

“Of course.” You scoffed, tearing up the slit in your dress. He saw the small pistol strapped to your thigh, making his mouth a bit dry.

He nodded, “Good…” 

Taking a quick breath, Tangerine opened the door. You slipped through and he followed behind, your backs facing one another as you scanned the hallway. It wasn’t narrow but if anyone slipped out of one of the rooms, they were right in your sights.

“I’ll take this one, you take that one.” He whispered, pointing his gun to the opposite door of his.

With your heart in your throat, you slowly crack the door open and don’t see anyone before a body flies from behind and slammed the door open from Tangerine’s side. The woman lied dead on the floor, blood all over his dress, and just as you turned around, a punch slid across your cheek. 

Instinctively, you ducked to dodge the second jab and swoop under to get on the other side of the man as Tangerine wrapped his arms around the guy to pull him to the ground.

Tan loudly grunted as he tried to gain control, basically attempting to straddle him in order to push his arm against his neck. Even with all his strength, the man gripped his hands around Tangerine’s arms to throw him off along with trying to push his knee between his crotch.

“Watch the door!” Tan directed to you. 

You nodded, catching your breath with your back against the wall by the door. The adrenaline ran through your veins and heard your heartbeat in your ears as one tear of blood dripped down your cheek. The crack of bones made you turn your head, seeing the man’s body go limp as Tan began to stand over him.

He quickly walked over the man, as if he was in the way, and comes to your side.

“He nicked you bad. Lemme see.” Tan said, your eyes meeting his as he held your cheek. The touch of his hand seemed to be some comfort, his thumb wiping the blood away and trying to see how bad the wound was.

“Bastard.” He muttered, “C’mon, let’s go before someone comes up.”

Without a word in, he grabbed your hand and dragged you behind his lead. You two headed for the exit door down the other side of the hall as you heard footsteps rumble from the other stairs you came up.

“Wait a minute.” Tan said, fiddling with his belt buckle.

Your eyes widen, “What on earth are you doing?”

He smirked, “Relax, darling. You flatter yourself too much.”

You rolled your eyes as the sound of his belt slid against the fabric of his belt loops before curling the leather strap around the door to keep it locked. The two of you fled down the stairs and suddenly found yourselves in the kitchen area. A few eyes followed as you both ran through, very obvious that you were running from something, but still aimed to get to some kind of exit.

With sudden luck, Tangerine saw his car across the street, instantly knowing which way he was supposed to go. Without skipping a beat, he grabbed your hand once more and the two of you ran across the street. Hopping into the passenger seat and Tan taking off was like a blur, just happening in seconds.

“Y/N?” Tan saying your name woke you from your trance.

“Huh?” You asked, shaking your head.

He quickly turned his head, “You alright?” He said with concern, one hand on the steering wheel and his foot easing off the gas.

“Y-Yeah, I’m okay. I don’t know what happened back there.” You trailed, a bit embarrassed. You were never one to let your guard down, well– enough to get hit right smack in the face.

“Are you sure?”

You turned your attention to him, “I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” You asked rhetorically.

“‘Cause of that big cut on your cheek.”

You narrowed your eyes, “Alright, what’s your big plan now, Einstein? Were just going to sleep in your car and hope we don’t wake up decapitated?”

He half-chuckled, “You truly think so little of me, don’t you?”

“Is that rhetorical?”

Tan rolled his blue eyes, “We’re goin’ somewhere safe.”

– – –

You wanted to believe you were strolling into some kind of trap. The lobby had a classic aesthetic to it, pale gold wallpaper and a wall of keys behind the person at the small front desk. You two placed your go-bags on the red carpeted ground as Tangerine checked into a room.

“Hello Mr. Tangerine.”

Oh, great. He’s some guest of honor here.

“‘Ello, Colin. My usual room.”

“Is that what you say in front of all the girls?” You tilted your head, standing behind him.

He rolled his eyes, “‘Cuse her.”

The man chuckled, crinkles by his eyes, “How many nights are you staying this time?”

This time. You could scoff out loud but you didn’t want to hear the tude from him.

“Just overnight. Nothin’ too serious.”

“Well, enjoy your stay, as always.” The man nodded before Tangerine thanked him.

The two of you head toward the old elevator, watching him quickly press the up button before you stand by his side. You half chuckled, “I’ve never seen you act so kindly toward anyone, tell me, does he see you bring girls through here all the time or-”

“Has anyone ever told you to shut your pie hole?”

“Hmm, not verbally. But, those eyes of your say enough for me… you’re too predictable, sometimes, Tan.”

He gave you a lingering look as the door opened, passing him into the elevator. The two of you make your way to the fifth floor and the hall is eerily quite for a hotel full of private contractors and assassins. You had your hands behind your back then patiently waited for Tangerine to jiggle the key into the lock, opening a door to a huge room with a surprisingly wide view.

“You’d think the curtains were closed.” You muttered as he walked over, closing them anyways.

Suddenly, he stripped from his suit jacket and you couldn’t help but see how tight his button up was around his biceps and chest.

“Did you get that a size too small?” You ask as you chunk your heels into the corner.

“Well, I certainly can’t kill fuckin’ bloaks wearing baggy clothes now.”

“But, you can in a three piece suit?” You cocked your eyebrow.

He licked his lips, “As if your dress is a flexible material.” Tangerine said as he pulled his rings off, placing them on the night stand.

“I can say the same for your pants.”

Tangerine wanted to look down but didn’t give into your comment. You place your bag down on the bed, grabbing your silk pajamas nearly folded on top and changed in the bathroom.

“God, just go to bed. We’ve got a long day tomorrow.” You somewhat groaned.

You sit on the top of the bed, unfolding the duvet before shoving it off to get underneath them.

Tangerine paused, “What the fuck do you you’re doin’?”

You furrowed your eyebrow, “This thing called going to sleep. Try it sometime, you’d be less grouchy.”

He rolled his eyes, “I know that, smartass, I mean what’re you doin’ in the bed that I’m goin’ to be sleepin’ in too?”

You rolled over, putting your weight on your elbows, “I know you’re dramatic but this takes the cake for top performances.”

He faked a laugh, “If you don’t get your ass out of that bed in two seconds, I’ll throw you in the tub with a pillow.”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to. Fine, do it.” You said before laying flat into the mattress, staring straight at the ceiling.

He didn’t care for your equal amount of sarcasm, but he just gave you a cocked eyebrow.

“Okay, fine. I’d rather sleep on the floor anyways.” He said, stretching his arms up and behind his head. Your eyes quickly admired his muscles before turning back.

“Be my guest, princess.” You scoffed, slipping on your pajama shorts, “I’ll enjoy my big comfy bed.”

You pulled the heavy duvet over your waist, curling up with the dense pillow beneath your head. 

Tangerine stood there, biting the inside of his cheek as he watched you roll on your side. He tilted his head back before unbuttoning his shirt and tossing it on the desk chair. Although your eyes were closed, his side of the bed sunk in and you tried to hold back your smile at his faded stubbornness.

With your backs facing one another, you two just listened to the silence of the city. It gave you a moment to think of Paris– the last time you were with one another or much rather supposed to be against each other. You were a double agent, not exactly proud of it but you let greed take over your motivated justice. 

Having to scam Lemon and Tangerine wasn’t your finest hour either, you thought about it for months and finally coming face to face with Tangerine (out of the two, he wasn’t the one you would want to bump into again), all the guilt came rushing back like the snap of an elastic band.

– – –

The morning sun runs through the thin silk of the curtains, shining over your bodies in the bed. You wake up to the sound of light snoring, happy that you could sleep through it, and Tangerine in a deep slumber with his arm over the bed. He suddenly looked like innocence, so soft and tender, simply laying there like it was any other day.

You sit up, putting your hair out of your face then head to the bathroom. When you turn the light on, you’re almost surprised to see your reflection. Forgetting about the scar against your cheek, you look more rough around the edges. You sigh as you run your fingers over it, remembering the way Tangerine did last night.

After washing up, you go back out and Tangerine is now standing up and stretching his arms above his head. Your eyes quickly shift up his body, admiring the tattoos in their random places and how the band of his briefs rest on his hips. You sealed your lips from smiling at how sharp his v-line was accompanied by the happy trail disappearing into his pants.

“Sleep good with that stick in your ass?” You retort, passing him.

He rolled his eyes, “...You’re annoying, ya know that?”

“Oh, you’ve made that clear.” You mocked him as you closed the curtains more, “That’s why I love to do it.”

Tangerine flicked on the lamp, giving the room a warm glow.

“Alright, I say we lay low today. Better to be out of sight and–”

You cut him off, “Stuck in this room together?... are you trying to kill me t–”

He then put his hand over your mouth, looking deep into your eyes, “Yes, stuck in this room where we can keep an eye on each other and you can’t screw me over again.”

Your heart stopped for a split second, as if he couldn’t have been more of the controlling one. He took his hand away and you gulped, “Yep. Fine. Fair.”

Tangerine pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek before you go to your bag in the chair that’s pushed in the corner of the room. You slightly bend over to look inside your duffle and his icy eyes can’t help but look up the back of your thighs and straight at your ass and lower back. How he could easily put his hands on your hips and make you hold onto something.

He shook his head, feeling like he was coming down with something to even imagine that thought.

You pulled out an old novel and sat yourself back on the bed, hoping that the hours would pass as you sank further into the broken-in mattress.

Tangerine sat down in the chair nudged into the corner, adjacent from your view, and he pulled out his gun that was conveniently tucked into the back of his pants.

“Are you actually holding me hostage?” You furrowed your brows, but didn’t take your eyes from your sentence.

“Whatever fantasy you’d like you believe.” He trailed, opening his gun and emptying his rounds into his palm.

– – –

Suddenly, you leaped out of a deep sleep. Your book laid open on your stomach while an extra pillow was between your legs. Your eyes fluttered open, thinking the past few days has been a dream, until you noticed Tangerine wasn’t sitting in the chair. You quickly looked around before hearing the bathroom door open and he stepped out, shirtless and in new dark slacks that rested on his hips.

Your mouth became dry. How could you dislike him so much yet here you are, ready to jump his bones as he crossed the room.

“What are you getting dressed for?” You asked, rubbing your eyes.

He half-chuckled at your groggy voice, “I want a drink.”

“Oh, like you’re not just going to abandon me here like I did you?... Where you go, I go.” You warned him.

He rolled his eyes, “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“A bit hypocritical coming from you.”

Tangerine just ignored your smart comment and opened the door, letting you through first before he followed. His eyes, once again, trace your lower back and trailed down your legs. His cheeks flushed pink as he quickly looked away, clearing his throat as he caught up to you so you two were walking side by side.

You pushed the faded down button as you pushed a big breath past your lips. Tangerine put his back against the wall and crossed his arms, his muscles basically restraining in his light button up. As you turned around, you rolled your eyes– but not at him, just at yourself. How could you have any little feeling for someone who also annoyed you to your core?

He took your silence as a bit of a tease. To be fair, you two didn’t really know one another. You met once before and then you simply betrayed him. Quickly, you were dead to him, but now you’re forced to be together and it raised an important question to himself too. Why was he helping someone who obviously can’t be trusted? 

Tangerine furrowed his eyebrows at that thought, knowing he would have thrown you to the wolves last night after you closed your eyes. He played with his watch a bit before the elevator dinged and caught both of your attentions.

After entering, the low-sounding shifting mechanics of the elevator were the only sounds between you two. You heard Tangerine sniffle, seeing him stretch his neck out of the corner of your eye, but you kept a straight view to the doors. While Tangerine thought you were continuing to give him the silent treatment, you were lost in your own thoughts of the past.

You flashbacked to your last night in Paris together, and remembered how the guilt creeped up on you knowing that, in a few hours, you’d have to betray both Lemon and Tangerine. Before knowing them, you didn’t care, but now that you’ve realized how hard you were falling for Tan, it felt like a double edged sword. If you didn’t do it, maybe you could stay with him– have a life together. But, if you went through with your selfish heist, you’d lose the guy who made you comfortable with being vulnerable after a long time. 

Obviously, you regretted your decision.

“Is this what you want?” You simply asked.

Tangerine quickly turned his head, “What?”

You rolled your eyes before facing his direction, “This.” You gestured between the two of you, “The weird animosity and constantly arguing and nit-picking?”

He never thought you’d be so bold to point it out, “I mean, we don’t like each other. Simple, isn’t it?”

“I guess…” You trailed, facing back toward the doors.

Tangerine licked his lips, wondering if he should utter the words on his tongue.

“...But, that doesn’t mean we can’t start over.”

You looked over your shoulder once more before turning around to him, “You mean that?”

He arched his eyebrow, “Should I regret it now?”

Just as the elevator dinged, the doors slowly opened and the hotel lobby appeared empty. You smirked to yourself, “Why don’t we catch up over that drink, huh?” You sort of teased– not sure if it had purpose.

– – –

Your drink tasted smooth, easily trailing down your throat as you leaned your head back to finish off the rest of the liquor in your glass. Once you tilted your head back straight, you were met with Tangerine’s signature eyebrow arch.

“Don’t worry, I’m paying for my own drinks.” You sighed, placing your glass back down on the wooden table top.

“As long as I don’t got to carry you back up to the room.” He sighed, sounding more defeated than witty, then his blue eyes glanced down then back into your eyes.

You hummed, running your finger along the rim of the empty glass. 

“‘right so, what’ve you been doin’ since we last…” He cleared his throat, “saw one other?”

You crossed your leg over the other, “Not much. Actually, it’s the first time I’ve been out for a while. After leaving you guys, I laid low in Tuscany.”

“For how long?”

You shrugged, “Five months? I was on the countryside and I wanted to be alone…” then, you smirked, “I heard that you were in Kyoto.” 

Tangerine could chuckle about it now, “For a bit. Had a job to do for some psychotic, fucked up family. The dad called in us, they were all turin’ on each other. Whole fuckin’ thing…”

“As in…” You trailed, “Against one another? The whole family?”

He just nodded before taking a sip of his drink.

You raised your eyebrows, “Wow… and you got out with no bruises or cuts? Bullet holes?”

Tangerine licked his lips before he presented the side of his neck, lighter skin over his tanner tone to show the scar. You carefully reached out, brushing your fingers against it which made a tingle go up his spine. You sit back down as he turned back in his chair, and he seemed to tense up.

“Amazing you survived it.” You sealed your lips.

He crossed his arms, “I supposed…”

A comfortable silent fell between you, the light, jazz music playing at a low, and Tangerine’s eyes trailed up the side of your bare leg. He didn’t mean to stare this much, but he felt more vulnerable than usual. One thing you knew is that Tangerine was a layered person, you had to take time to get to the center of him and realize he’s not so cold once you get to know him.

“Five months in Tuscany, I bet that was lovely.”

“Not really. I isolated the whole time… I wanted to be by myself, but I felt bad about what happened… what I did in Paris.” You admitted, but didn’t look into his eyes, fearing that he would turn on you in a second.

Tangerine sighed, “You had to do your job, we did ours… that’s ‘bout all that can be said.” 

Assuming from the lack of eye contact and his tone, he seemed hurt too. You could easily let it boost your ego, but, you actually felt a relief. This hatred you’ve held against each other has finally come down and even though it wasn’t actually said, both of you can feel hostility leave the room.

You bit the inside of your cheek, “Remember, we’re starting over. Clean slate. I hope I’m making a good impression so far.” You raised your eyebrows, lifting your glass again just to drink the mixture of watered down liquor. 

He chuckled, “You’re just lovely.”

The comment made your face get hot. You blame the accent and how it can just get under your skin.

“I don’t think you’ve ever called me something so nice.”

Tangerine smirked, “Funny since we’ve just met, darling.”

Darling.

It was the first time you heard it as a term of endearment then pure spite.

You rolled your eyes, but you could humor that Tangerine was going along with it. This new cheeky side of him was something you didn’t think existed– maybe it was the liquor talking, but you hoped it wasn’t just that simple.

“So, what brings you here?” You continued to tease, placing your elbows on the table, “Business… or pleasure?” Your hand laid on top of his, brushing your fingertips along the chunky rings that perfectly fit his fingers.

Multiples thoughts sounded through both your minds.

“Maybe it’s the liquor.” “Maybe we’re a little over our heads.” “Maybe we’re bored.”

But, Tangerine held your hand on top of the table, gently holding it as his thumb grazes over your knuckles.

“Depends…” He trailed, now leaning in too, “What are you here for?”

– – –

In just a few minutes, you two were back in the room you felt trapped in for hours.

Tangerine pressed your back against the wall, a tingle running up your spine from the coolness of the wallpaper. Your lips pressed together over and over, tilting your head before biting his bottom lip. He effortlessly lifted you up with his hand under the back of your thighs, and your ankles meet around his back.

He needed so bad, desperate even… and the feeling was mutual.

He put you down on your feet again, pressing a kiss against your scarred cheek then another on your jaw. His light kisses run down the middle of your breasts as his hand lifted up the end of your skirt. You pushed your hips out as your back was against the wall still, watching him pull down your panties in an instant. You kick them to the side and Tangerine placed your leg over his shoulder, kisses along your inner thigh and your hand ran through the front of his curls.

Suddenly, his tongue ran over your swollen clit before sucking on it. With one hand in his hair, the other caressing your breast and running your thumb over your nipple.

Tangerine panted, moving his hand against your pussy lips. He pushed them apart, showing your tight hole and how you clench around nothing. He lowly groaned, running his fingers over your clit before sliding his two fingers into your pussy. You bite your bottom lip to hold back the moan stuck in your throat, watching him suck your clit and finger you at the same time.

Just as your climax neared, he felt your cunt tighten around his fingers. He couldn’t end it like this so, he took them away. You let your leg down, watching him come back up and tower over you.

“If I’m goin’ to make you cum…” He sighed, “I’m gonna be deep inside you when you fucking crumble.” He said so low before pressing his fingers against your tongue, and you tasted yourself.

You pulled his hand back, running your thumbs over his tattooed hand.

“Not if I make you cum first.” You trailed, moving his hand down so you could kiss him.

He could drop to his knees in an instant, but Tangerine surprisingly kept his composure. 

You smirked as you pushed him toward the bed, the back of his knees hitting it to make him sit down. As you stood in front of him, he leaned on his elbows as he watched your dress drop to the floor. It pooled at your ankles and when his eyes shifted back up, so glossed over, your bare body was the center of his attention.

“Hmm, I don’t think you’ll last.” You taunted.

As much as he could snap back, you straddled him and pulled apart his tightly buttoned shirt. Your hands ran over his toned and tatted chest before reaching down to his pants, unzipping the fly and he shuffled a bit to shift them off his hips. His cock was hard, restrained from his boxers and you felt flattered.

You giggled, leaning forward to share a slow kiss with him. Your bare pussy rubbed against his cock as you moved closer to him. A low groan mumbled between your makeout, and you pushed him back so you two both fell on the bed.

Your hands pressed into each side of the mattress, gaining strength to help yourself grind against his hard. His big hands tightly held your hips as you continued your smooth momentum, whimpering at your clit being rubbed by your harsh grind.

As heat rose in the room, your right hand dipped between the two of you, and ran over his hard cock once more. Tan’s lips now desperately met your jaw before taking a light bite at your neck. The feeling of your hand caressing through his boxers could make him release right there.

Becoming more impatient, you finally pushed your hand into the band of his boxers and he once more moved his hips to shift out of them. 

“Fuck, your cock is so big… can barely hold it with my hand. God, I want you to stretch me out…” You moaned, “Is that okay?”

You purposefully let him believe that he was in charge, and you were falling into the submissive role. Tangerine gained a bit of confidence from your desperate comments, and he sat more up on the bed.

“Fucking christ…” Is all he could say.

He moved the swollen and red tip against your wet slit, also aching and needing your walls to wrap around him now. At first there was pressure, pushing the tip inside your hole then slowly guiding your hips down to completely take in every inch of his cock. 

Once he bottomed out, your body lightly shook as your lips brushed against his. He was fully inside you, the tight and warm feeling making him wither beneath you.

Tangerine moved his hand, kissing your shoulder, “God, you feel like fuckin’ heaven.”

“Don’t stop. Please…” You huffed.

– – –

Then, it was morning. 

The rising sun peaked through the small split of the curtains. As you tried to shift, your body ached throughout every muscle. A small groan left your lips, but you were pulled back by a strong arm wrapped around your waist.

It snapped you back into reality. Last night really happened… and you were okay with that.

Tangerine’s tattooed arm unconsciously tightened around you, holding you close still as he still slept behind you. You barely look over your shoulder and saw his face, his eyes still shut and his curls looked wild.

You faintly smile as you turn around to face him, and that’s what woke him up. He pulled his arms back and rubbed his eyes from the brightness of the sun coming in. You run your finger along a curl on his forehead, pushing it to the top of his head and your heart melted from the sight of those blue eyes.

“Did last night really happen?” You mumbled, but with a faint smile on your lips.

He placed his hand gently on your cheek, caressing his thumb against your jaw. 

“I think the real question is…” He trailed, “Do we stay another night or go back to pretending to not know each other's existences?”

You bit your bottom lip, lightly giggling, “I think we pick secret option three and go somewhere else. Get away for a while… see where this is going. Don’t you?”

Just at that moment, Tangerine’s phone vibrated in his pants that were on the floor next to the bed. He turned over on his other side, reaching down to pull it out and reading a text Lemon just sent.

“Got a call about a job in Budapest. Are you in or overstaying your weekend?”

Tangerine smirked at himself, then felt your lips press against his neck. You placed another kiss on his shoulder, leaving a tender love bite before he turned back around to kiss you. Maybe it was the natural thrill of the chase, but you loved the not knowing. 

Whatever was next, you could only hope that he kept it interesting.

[purgaytorysupremacy]

oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.

recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)

because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.

and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).

Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.

at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.

something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.

Cas never knew.

Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.

but Cas never knew.

the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.

so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.

this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?

nah.

true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.

[milfygerard]

Do you think Gerard's comics are good? I haven't read all of them. I felt like the story doesn't really wrap up well and make sense good in the Killjoy comics or Umbrella Academy but maybe comics are just like that. Maybe they were imitating other writers I don't know about and I'm missing context. What are your thoughts

anon i am so deeply biased towards gerards comics but YES i do think theyre good! I think lots of the critiques are fair but i also think it leads to the fandom kind of underrating him as a comic author at times and dismissing the work out of hand. I especially see this for umbrella academy and to answer your other question yes i do think some of it is a matter of missing context! TUA was never...really made to be a popular and commercial comic? The satire and style are very inside baseball, mostly about x men, as well as later leaning more into a silver age style of both writing and illustration (which is why im soooo obsessed w hotel oblivion guys its so goood its so good i swear)

When it comes to other comic runs, I'd say killjoys comics tend to be the messiest but they are also deeply meaningful to me wnd natuonal anthem is so fucking gorgeous and interesting (controversial but im a natam ending defender even if i think the comic itself couldve used another issue or 2 to push the character writing more). I think gerard has one of the better doom patrol runs, Including milk wars i'd put it up there at maybe 3rd or 4th depending on how much i let personal bias into the equation. However doom patrol is also very Like That just as like a superhero group and can be kind of impenetrable if you arent down for genuinely bizarre and sometimes seemingly nonsensical writing, its kind of apart of the teams DNA as the "worlds strangest heroes". Milk wars is soso good and maybe one of my favorite Comic Things gerard has made/been involved with but its also best with looots of comic context bc its playing w both doom patrol history and the context of where DC as a company was during the time of its release. Its still relevant in many ways but probably feels impenetrable if you arent already into comics at least a bit.

Gerards style def isnt for everyone (and they do sometimes get bored and cheese the ending a bit though i defs tend to like them more than other ppl do) but i do think theyre extremely good at what rhey do and im soooo excited for paranoid gardens especially bc 1. gerard has always taken an extremely empathetic and nuanced and honest approach to writing about mental health and mental illnesses bith real and semi fictionalized and 2. the artist on board is an industry mainstay and has made some fucking incredible work! I didnt love the first issue cover dropped and was worried i wouldnt click w the artstyle but after properly checking out chris westons style im really excited!!!! gerard time

[discordiansamba]

anyways I don't know if it's due to falling asleep to the backdrop of people setting off way too many fireworks or not, but I had a weird dream last night and now I am here to tell you guys all about it because I've been idly rotating it all day. you've heard of body swap not get ready for... personality swap, I guess? But not completely?

anyways it seemed to take place at the tail end of season one, where instead of getting shot out into random locations by the corrupted wormhole, all the lions stayed on the Castle, but something about the combination of the corrupted wormhole and the paladin bond resulted in something... weird happening. Some kind of quintessence rearrangement that resulted in Lance, Hunk, Pidge, and Keith all swapping aspects of their personalities around that Shiro was apparently spared from because of some kind of defense mechanism that Pidge installed in the control chip for his arm that's in his brain that protected him but the backlash forced him to require some time in the cyropod.

(I guess my brain said. you know what would be funny. Shiro just waking up to this nonsense. and honestly? valid.)

(also allura and coran are fine and somehow escaped the wormhole don't worry about it. apparently the mice did also have their personalities swapped around but like. they're mice. they don't care.)

Pidge was probably the least effected bc she got traits from Hunk, who she already has a decent amount in common with, except now she's prone to nervous tirades, is now a morning person, and is calmed by the act of cooking. except she can't cook. Hunk at least kept very clear notes on all of his cooking experiments so she has something to work with. She suddenly finds herself more drawn to tinkering with things as opposed to coding, but she can still do the latter super easily. Also she has a solid sleep schedule now? She also stops wearing her brother's glasses bc she winds up fixated on the idea that she'll break them so she just keeps them safe in her room instead. Which she has now cleaned. She still kind of feels like she dodged a bullet. Sorry guys.

Lance is... having an experience, because he picked up traits from Pidge. He likes studying now? Except apparently he still has ADHD, but also Coran gave him this clicker thing that seems to be working wonders. He's suddenly a lot less interested in flirting and his detailed skin care routine kind of doesn't seem so important anymore. He has to actively set alarms on his phone otherwise he'll pull all nighters. He's starting to learn how to code? Which is weird but it's oddly calming. He's also pretty sure he picked up Pidge's sense of humor, because Pidge definitely picked up Hunk's sense of humor.

Hunk, to his great misfortune, has picked up traits from Keith. Which also includes his temper and his general introversion, the former of which he is working very hard on managing. He's also spending way more time on the training deck than ever before, but it suddenly doesn't feel like exercise so much as it feels... relaxing? Also he is like. always tense. What the hell, Keith, how did you live like this. How is HE going to live like this. Although it is kind of nice to not feel the urge to puke from nerves, which he... doesn't really seem to have anymore? That's kind of nice.

Keith is probably the oddest case of the bunch. He picked up personality traits from Lance, which he can't even get angry about because he doesn't have a temper anymore? apparently? He's suddenly a lot more extroverted, and also he feels the weird compulsion to... flirt? He's also become way more interested in self care and is suddenly not a morning person anymore. But for all that in some ways he has the most traits leftover from his core personality, because those traits turned out not to be parts of his personality so much as they were due to him being Galra- so he still likes training and fighting as much as he did before. Which is great, because if he let Lance's personality take him by the nose, he'd definitely just start to coast on his talent.

But they also each still have core aspects of themselves that apparently their lions preserved so it's not a full personality swap. Pidge will still wax poetic about the tech around them. Lance might not be huge into self care anymore, but he's still interested in trying to keep himself looking good. Hunk is still very kind, which makes having Keith's temper hard on him. Keith still is a nature boy and a jock, and somehow still doesn't understand how the cheer goes.

POV: You're Shiro. You wake up to this mess. It's been like this for a week apparently, and Coran and Allura don't know how to fix it.

...can you just go back to the cryopod maybe?

[gatheredfates]

🐭 THIS IS SUPER LATE BC IT KEPT FALLING OUT OF MY SWISS CHEESE BRAIN BUT. I guess kinda intimidating in that i feel, "oh i don't want to bother them with my nonsense", but i know that when i DO interact, you're super easy to talk to and i have nothing to worry about

i admire all the hard work you put in to supporting the community and keeping it alive, and your characters are super amazing (i am lowkey obsessed with how Koret's Ancient name(s) were Kore AND Persephone, like that's sooooo good, that lore). not only that, but i still ALSO admire your typography skills, and am always looking to you for inspiration for how i can push and grow my own boundaries

maybe one day, with enough little interactions like this, we can be Friends 💚

I'VE HELD ONTO THIS FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS both because I have genuinely been extremely busy but this has also been a really nice message to come back to, and for that I appreciate it!

I really, really like how we're BOTH a source of inspiration for typography because you have been killing it lately, and I'm constantly looking at the things you make with the post-processing (all the texture work/fades/renders etc) in complete awe. It's in the way of like knowing how it all works and piecing it all together for that 'AHA!' moment and then I'm inspired all over again.

That being said, you can bother me with your nonsense whenever you like! I appreciate I can go completely feral over your work (I will simply never be normal about Philomel and Hades ever and I'm NOT SORRY ABOUT IT!!!) and the fact you remember little things about my own Azem is very much like 🥺 Maybe one day I'll talk Kore/Persephone some more and her relationship to the other ancients, we will see!

I would very much like to be Friends though. 💖

[grapecaseschoices]

as we know i am in decisive. thoughts below, spoilers for the post landsmeet part of the game.

So. OOCly, I would've let Loghain live for the fuck of it [but that is very unlikely to happen, because that makes Alistair upset and Haldi is fond of Alistair and one of them should get vengeance for their father [figure]! And if he DOES get to live, then without a doubt Anora is gonna marry that boy bc Haldi doesnt need to worry about Alistair wandering around exiled and inebriated. So for sake of his liver and her not losing another brother figure ....]

BUT ICLY, as I said, Haldi will gank that homie. Plus she may not always agree with Bhelen, he has a point. Loghain cannot be allowed to live and his allies cannot be allowed not to find out after the nonsense.

SO. If when he dies, it is a matter of which --

On the one hand Alistair doesn't want to marry Anora OR be king. But Haldi would and could, ofc, convince him [whoo high coercion!]. She would feel bad about it. But life is sacrifice, it keeps him in his beloved Ferelden. She can come visit! It will help him grow up [in her mind]. Plus responsibility, duty, etc. He gets to be connected to his past [which is big deal for Princess Aeducan. After all he wanted to find his sister! So surely this works too!]

On the other, he'd be exiled -- but not done! .... one learns to live a way from home. And she could still get to see him. He'd probably be heartbroken but like, he's dealt with heartbreak before and at least he'd be doing what he wanted.

Icly, I feel Haldi leans most the first BUT she has been fairly consistent and, just in general, fair about the idea of things being people's choices. And his choice - unhindered - is not to be king.

So.

[lazaruspiss]

So, I'm writing a long fanfic based around the characterizations of the various Bats in the 80s-00s time frame, and Nightwing is gonna be important but I don't have a good grasp of his personality yet. I'm currently reading through The Resurrection of Ras Al Ghul, but that and a few of the 2016 issues are all I've got to go off of right now.

Do you have any comics you'd recommend for getting a good grasp of his personality and general vibes?

I'd also be happy to read any kind of ramble about his personality/appeal you feel like writing. Having read your fanfiction I feel like (sincere compliment:) you are the exact kind of unhinged I want to get character opinions from.

(Also you mentioned Dick being in the mob which sounds Very Fun and I wanna know what titles so I can read that)

-redhoodinternaldialectical on anon cause sideblog

ok first of all. im flattered. i feel so powerful rn.

and second of all... my 'to read' list is embarrassingly long, and dick's been around and in a lot of comics so i have a lot of trouble keeping up ;-; but i will try my best!!

The New Teen Titans gets recommended a lot as a starting point for Dick as Nightwing, and while i havent read much of it, the stuff i have read has been pretty solid and i get why its so popular.

Nightwing 1996 is my personal go to comic for Dick, mainly bc it was his first real solo run. (it's often listed as "volume 2" of nightwing, but volume 1 aka Nightwing 1995 was really more of a test drive just to see if they should make a Nightwing solo series) It's also where Dick joins the mob! although that came off the tail end of a lot of different plot points.

(This is a bit unrelated, but in general I think knowing a bit of irl context to certain comic events is important. Like, at one point Bludhaven is nuked off the map. It doesn't make sense, and it was most likely due to some higher up DC nonsense. And Nightwing 1996's second annual is written by a man. etc etc.)

... I actually have a guide I've been working on, main reasons being quick reference for what happens where, and that writing these things down helps me remember them better

as you can probably tell, I still have a ways to go. looking at this now i'm starting to realize that i am really down bad for him lol

Mobbed Up (where Dick gets adopted by a random mob boss who took one look at his depressed mug as he was getting fired from the police force and said "new son?") is issues #107-111

I feel like I should get back to character thoughts.

Dick on his own is deeply serious, he has a job to do and it's incredibly important that he does it right. In the beginning this serves as an invaluable asset, but as he loses more people it starts to turn into more destructive. A trait that is morphed by his traumas into obsessiveness.

Dick when Tim comes to visit (or just when he's around people he cares about) is a bit softer, it's subtle, but it shows that he's aware of/cares for the people around him.

Dick with Bruce around seems to worry so much about proving himself, about being seen as a respectable peer, that it backfires into making him come off more insecure and as a bit of a "rebellious teen". (which is exactly what he's trying to avoid when he strikes out on his own) I've read various arcs and issues but I haven't actually read any focused on Dick and Bruce aside from the ones towards the beginning, so I'm sure their relationship must change, but this is how they were when Dick had first moved to Blud.

I feel like Bludhaven is also important to talk about. It's very much meant to be "Gotham, but worse". It's a place that even Batman wouldn't bother with, a place beyond saving. I'm... kind of breaking my own heart, thinking about how much Dick put into this city, only to. To fail? In a sense? A hero's home city isn't usually obliterated like that. The only other example that comes to mind is Hal Jordan's, and Hal literally went insane and became a space terrorist to bring it back. Dick is just... forced to move on.

And Dick goes back to NYC. Nightwing patrolling Gotham with any regularity feels very modern. He shows up when there's a major event and DC wants to capitalize on having a bunch of names in the same series, and he shows up when something drastic changes (like a new robin, or a death). Dick has however spent a lot of time in NYC, either because of the Titans or because. yknow. home go boom.

Anyways. Arc recs. Unironically I need you to read Brothers in Blood. Get past the initial gross out factor of Tentatodd and it's a great look at Jason and Dick's relationship. This is #118-122 and right after Bludhaven gets nuked. Dick has just experienced the lowest lows that one could low. Jason seems to know all about it, and tries to help in the worst way possible. Jason is right and blunt and convoluted and so so insecure about where he stands with Dick. Dick doesn't know where he stands with Jason either, on account of all the murder, and his tactless approach to trying to confront Dick on the copious amounts of trauma that Dick is dealing with. BiB is my Jaydick bible.

I'd also say to just give the first few arcs a shot. Beginnings are meant for introductions! It gives a good sense of who Dick is, why he's here, and what his goals are. Exposition baby! And I'm once again thinking about how ultimately Dick kind of fails said goals. I love him but he makes me so emo. Blockbuster has also been his main villain since the beginning, up until. Yknow. He became deader than his namesake. There's also a few fear toxin based issues that are good for. well. understanding what his fears are. There's also a fear toxin scene in Batman: Orphans, but i'll just reblog the post i made of it so u don't have to read that one. The art is fun, the story is weird and just kinda. meh.

#60 is when Dick joins the force. The beginning of the end, so to speak, but we don't meet Catalina until #71.

#93 is That Issue. The infamous rape scene. The thing about his time with Catalina is that it was almost definitely meant to be explored for what it was- an abusive relationship. But DC wanted Nightwing in an event. It doesn't have any satisfactory end, Bruce (DC) calls Dick to fight in Gotham. He does. His story falls to the wayside for the bigger title. The worst thing that can happen to a DC character IMO is getting a Batman crossover. There was supposed to be an entire arc dedicated to what would happen to Dick in this abusive relationship. But we got 2 issues. And War Games. It pisses me off to absolutely no end. DC needed more mouths to kiss the ground that Batman walks on. They don't give a damn about the stories that exist outside their cash cow.

After all that, eventually Dick is back to his utterly depressing life. He joins the mob, finds a family, bad things happen to said family. (Mobbed Up, #107-111) He wants to protect the daughter, Sophia Tevis, and then Slade holds Sophia hostage to get Dick to teach his daughter Rose how to fight. He does, but he also teaches Rose how to question authority (aka her dad). Slade is not happy about that, and nukes Bludhaven. (Renegade, #112-117) See my earlier note about IRL reasons for dumbass plot points.

Nightwing 1996 has 2 annual issues (despite running for much longer than 2 years). The first annual is a fun murder mystery and i think a good look into how Dick handles relationships. He also reads as very aromantic/demiromantic who doesn't know it yet, but maybe that's just me, lol. the second annual is dog shit. Mark Andreyko can get bent, it sucked total ass and isn't worth reading.

[halestrom]

Oh, oh! 😧/📓/🃏 for Angsty John!

😧 What are you worried about with this fic?

So, I started writing this because I've never really written true angst, and I was in a negative headspace bc I was tired and so I wanted to try it. And so I just sat down, and started writing it and as a result, I feel like I'm being mean and I'm not used to it, and it did help, so then I drew it back a little bit. So mostly, at this point I'm worried that it's a bit of an 'easy' fix, I say as if I don't have like 20k moreish to write. Maybe more.

And, it deals with John post canon and what I consider to be him in a depression, but its not something I have experience with and so that's always complicated. Because I know its not a one and done fix, and so I want to make sure that comes across that john might be better, but it's something he's always going to have to watch out for.

📓 Share an out-of-context sentence or fragment from your fic notes

'It was hard to communicate with your wife when you wanted your best friend.'

🃏 Wildcard, dealer's choice: share a snippet, a thought, a concern, a feeling, anything you like!

So, one thing I also wanted to address in this fic was how poorly I think Jennifer was handled in season 5, especially when she turned into nothing more than a trophy, and I am kinda loving her in this, shes coming into her own and a lot sassier and settled. And I like it? Even if a lot of it happens in the background.

And while, overall this story is about John, it's also about everyone else because they all make the decision to save John and just go when he's in trouble. And this bit is from a moment between Rodney and Jennifer as they're getting ready to save John and I just really really like it.

Also, Jennifer and John end up as super bitchy friends to each other and its fine.

Jennifer sighed. “I,” she stopped and shook her head. “Listen. When we were doing all of those dinners and going out, you were so nice, and I was nice as well because we had to be to all of those people, but then as soon as we were beamed back you started yelling at people—”

“—I’m not going to yell at you,” Rodney interrupted.

Jennifer held up a hand, stopping him from talking. “I know, and I appreciate that. I do. But it’s not that you were yelling it’s that suddenly you seemed more like you than you had been.”

Rodney opened his mouth, wanting to argue against the point but Jennifer stopped him with a look he had never seen before outside of the moments when people had been injured and she had been in her element. Directing everything around her so people got the treatment as quickly as they could.

“And the thing is, I want that for me,” Jennifer said, crossing her arms in front of her chest and lifting her chin. “I…look. You’ve met my Dad. He’s got some old-fashioned ideas about everything.”

Rodney nodded slowly, remembering the interrogation her Dad had given him when he had met the man for the first time. If Rodney hadn’t spent the better part of his life working for General’s he would’ve caved under the man’s direct, no-nonsense questions. “What does that have to do…?”

Jennifer shook her head. “I don’t want to get married. I don’t want to give up my career to become a stay-at-home Mom.”

Rodney frowned. “I’d never ask you to do that.”

That got Jennifer to smile and step closer, resting a hand on Rodney’s arm. “I know, and it’s one of the things I love about you. But the problem is I want to focus on my job, especially if I get to keep it on Atlantis. And I want to focus on my research because I really think I have a shot at helping you guys defeat the wraith. I want to do the things that I love, and it’s not fair to either of us to wait around and see if you like the version of me that I also like.”

[brekker-by-brekkerr]

hsmtmts s4 first thoughts

spoilers ahead!! you have been warned!

i have covid and my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton so this may be the most nonsensical of ramblings but here are some of my thoughts from a first watch:

"sometimes i think i'll be okay. then sometimes i stay awake for five nights in a row." oh ricky. relatable but also. how i worry for you

miss jenn and mr. bowen giving me the ick as always

oh thank you thank you thank you they're done

mr. mazzara being in a boy band was not on my season 4 bingo card

one of my ships is endgame!! let's go jenzzara <3333

mazzara saying these are her children yes thank you this is a family

i love ricky standing up to gina's mom bc i have things to say about this woman

ricky giving out cards in nini's place!!! my heart. so they still talk they're still friends I'm crying thank you for this crumb thank you

they are really redeeming ricky and gina for me guys i must say like they're crossing off all the boxes i needed crossed for them so what can i say

i never thought i'd see portwell interact again and I'm in so so much pain. i thought i was fine and moved on but stars no i love them i miss them

"we'll always have risotto right" got me crying. i know people think this was a stupid ship and it's a stupid show but they meant something to me. i love them and I'm so done w people online bullying anyone who mentions portwell (i have so many thoughts about how toxic things have gotten w the hsmtmts shipping discourse but that's another post). i like gina and ricky they're cool i am also allowed to miss portwell

antoine coming back and being like "don't tell anyone i was here i have a bad enough reputation with the police as it is" was also not on my hsmtmts s4 bingo card but then again, most of this wasn't

ej still getting a storyline!! him being a good teacher yes you're so right miss jenn!!!

i wanted ej to sing scream so badly but it wasn't going to work with this season. but ricky did eat that

actually love the way they're using hsm 3 scenes to have double meaning, like for example, the troy and miss darbus college discussion scene

big red's speech to ricky <3

i love this show. i love that the found family is here

antoine and big red????!!!!! this show is so out of pocket i love it

"just in case this is the last time we're all in the same room" i am not emotionally stable enough for this help

the way they're like endings are sad but also okay (idk how to articulate this but it's so good)

"i used to think that strength came from being fearless. but i've realized that it comes from overcoming fear not the absence of it." yes yes yes this is so important this has been one of the biggest life lessons for me

EJ GOT A GOODBYE TOO WHAT WHAT I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS

miss jenn being their mom the found family is so real

ricky's love confession was so so beautiful and the wildcats singing with them I'm so unwell

the wildcat fam being like our parents are getting together!! (about jenzzara)

why am i crying they're just running out of the school together

it's just that they're all together one last time and they're all so happy and i didn't think they would all be there i didn't think my boy EJ would be there and they're my little theatre found family i love them

oh that was such a perfect ending and now I'm sobbing i cant handle this

miss jenn getting choked up singing "because i knew you" got me again

after the mess of s3 thank you for this ending thank you <3

[lampfaced]

—

man I sure love getting a photo album compilation of myself through the years for Christmas from my parents (they did it for all us kids) and then having to see how I look Now at the end of it, and in the candid photos they tried to snap of us

like... I'm generally fine with how I look when I look in the mirror. I can recognize I've aged and am not in my early 20s anymore and it's fine.

but the second I see myself in photos, let alone photos where I'm next to other people... it's a whole different story.

I will start by saying I've always had body issues. always. even outside of gender issues. I've always looked at myself in photos and had dysmorphic issues and felt like I looked amorphous and Too Big, even though i look at those photos now and am shocked at how different I perceive them now versus back then. I was fine. I was in the ideal weight range for my height. I looked pretty much the same from the second I went through puberty at 13 through my mid-to-late 20s.

my family has always instilled this notion of Having To Look A Certain Way through constant diet talk and gossip of other family that has "let themselves go". even my 20-something-year-old brothers, who are gym bros, worry about being "fat". my sister has always had these "teeny tiny" nicknames because of how small she has always been, and she's almost always been a size zero. I got my dad's genes where I'm stocky instead.

I think part of why I recoil so badly when I see myself in photos is how much I now look like my father, and also my grandfather. who are short stocky people, and that's not a bad thing! I actively look at people who are also short and stocky to remind myself that they are beautiful and I have that same body type, and that it's okay. and yet... aside from my dad Nobody Else Looks Like That in the photos when I see them. everyone else has borderline magazine-quality bodies, proportioned in all the expected ways. and then there's me, notably thicker and doughier and not photogenic to begin with.

I'm not even that big!!! I'm not small by any means, either. my BMI is like... 27. I don't know my exact weight at any given moment bc I avoid obsessively weighing myself, but it's anywhere between 154 and 157 lbs. I'm 5'3" or so. I am a vet tech so I am on my feet and do a fair amount of physical labor daily.

I can't tell if the way I see myself in photos now is just more of that body dysmorphia nonsense, but I can definitely see that I am bigger and the number I see on the scale now vs. five-ish years ago reflects that. I don't like that the clothes I've had for so many years are tighter now or just don't fit anymore. I don't like that even if I do make myself miserable with dieting (I've tried and failed a few times now; between living in a place where fresh food is a) expensive and b) the "fast food" options have VERY little variety and c) I'm so worked-to-death that I have a very hard time prepping things on a regular basis it's very difficult.) or exercise (once again, I work at least ten-hour workdays and I am very tired and sore after work a lot so trying to find the time to exercise in the 3-4 hours after I get home to when I go to bed is not very feasible, and not even taking into account how horribly self-conscious I am about being perceived exercising even by my own spouse. I could flail around in the tiny living area for however long making gross physical exertion noises when it was Just Me but when there's another human being around, nope. can't do it.)

in the past I would get on the scale sometimes, see a certain number, and dial back on this or that and get back to where I wanted it. but now that I live where I do, versus before where I was minutes away from numerous options for grocery shopping and fresh healthy take-out any any moment's notice; not to mention how much more time I had in a day to myself... I don't think I can.

[nin-jay-go]

mmmmmmm i have only been thinking about ninjago for the past few weeks. you will be here for my brainrot

so ive got this rewrite i'm working on rn, which ive called alterline (portmanteau of alternate timeline) since like 2018. ive picked it back up and i'm officially working on the rewrite, but for it i added a few new seasons. specifically 3 brand new fanseasons.

the other two don't matter right now. all that matters is s17. my mad science season.

fun fact about me i am in love with mad science stuff and i figured hey! why not! i needed to do Something with my s17, so why not work some fucked up science into it :)

the tldr for those who don't wanna hear me ramble or don't wanna see what i will be rambling about (bc heavy tw for mad science themes like body horror, vivisection, and general medical malpractice) is below, but one bit of information before we proceed. nya is still the ocean. let her stay dead for longer than 2 episodes !

s17 is a kai focus! he and the ninja get invited to a lab by a scientist to run some tests (they are still powerless), but she traps them and runs experiments on them. there, they find out that 1) nya is alive now, 2) dr cy is working with aspheera, and 3) the new ninja are clones of the old ninja. kai ends up blowing the lab up and going on a minor destructive arc before calming down. the rest of the season focuses on the new ninja realizing they're clones and helping the old ninja take out mayor trustable.

so now that the summary is over. time to get into the details (or just what i have so far)

hi thanks for uncovering the hell. i'm gonna be rambling for a while.

again, this is a kai-focused season! we haven't had one since my s11 and he deserves to have a focus. as a treat :) (i realize this is just kai suffers the season. i realize that. but it's fiiiiine don't worry)

some prehistory for the season. dr cy calls up aspheera for her magical talents, and they summon nya together. they pull her from the ocean and violently rip her back into her body. of course, she can only be here if her powers are gone, so aspheera drains her water powers. nya has no memory of who she was or what she's doing here. she just knew she was the ocean. and now she's here.

a month later, the ninja are ninja-ing. it's been a year since the events of crystalized, two since nya died. that's the longest any of them stayed dead (sans morro who was dead for 40 years). kai really misses her, but has accepted the fact that she's gone. (she helped out in crystalized, but she wasn't really nya. she was the sea)

he runs into dr cy, who offers him and the ninja an opportunity to get tested. she could figure out the origin of elemental powers and help restore them to the ninja. they deserve their powers back, after saving the world so many times! she's a huge fan!

kai discusses it with the team, who agree that it's worth a shot at least. pixal stays behind since she's mostly unaffected by elemental nonsense, but also to keep an eye on the new ninja. she doesn't trust them. plus, if it ends up being bad, she can break them out.

the first tests kinda go normally, just general doctor checkups. she's just being a little bit weird about the nonhuman members of the team (aka everyone but kai), but a lot of people end up being weird about it. jay's publically part snake, zane's obviously a nindroid, lloyd is lloyd, cole used to be dead, and morro's got their own thing going on.

(oh. some background context. in my rewrite the ninjas' public identities are secret. the only ones with a face and name known to the public are lloyd and morro, to an extent, and jay for those who remember the alternate timeline)

when the ninja thank cy for her time and investigation, she uh. traps them in there JKDFSHKJSFDH because she needs to find out where elemental power comes from. and how she can bring it back for the ninja. to restore them to their full glory.

they're stuck in there for a while. a week, maybe? i haven't decided how long exactly, but a Long Time. pixal does try and rescue them but is taken out by aspheera with water powers, meaning pixal is the first person to find out about nya being alive. she doesn't take it well, so she and aspheera are kinda duking it out out there

meanwhile, the ninja are being put through tests to activate what's called their elements' emergency response, aka a hypercharged form designed for protecting the body and the element. kind of like nya's merged form with the ocean, but temporary. cy is trying to activate the emergency response through putting the guys through Situations that they don't like one bit. one of them included kai in a super frozen room and zane in a super boiling room, morro being pretty much buried, and other stuff like that.

sometimes she tries to stimulate them further by exposing them to their element, like frying jay or lloyd with electrical currents, or piling heavy boulders on cole. maybe that will trigger their emergency responses, but nothing seems to work. she even tries it out with nya to see if she can summon back her water powers, but nya's kind of being a sad sack of amnesia right now.

speaking of nya, she's just kinda. here? around the lab? she's mostly locked in her cell, but she treats aspheera and cy as important people, like parents. she trusts them. she's also kinda having a bad time physically, constantly melting and dripping water. she's not really a solid person right now :(

[tw for vivisection begins here] so eventually, cy tries to take it a step further and pulls out some Forbidden Things. she needs to make kai's fire act up more. he's 100% human still. how would his body react to parts of a fire dragon? so she tries it out, doing a quick lung transplant to see if, maybe, the lungs being close to the heart could kickstart a bit of fire. maybe even some dragon blood? all to see how kai reacts to it.

he reacts badly.

congratz on the dragon parts now, kai! the last human is no longer human, not fully. he refuses to acknowledge that he isn't fully human anymore, denying that he'll probably never breathe the same way humans do again. it's fine. he's fine. [end tw]

through this, however, cy decides to keep a closer eye on his developments. eventually, she lets him in on a secret. she leads him to the back of the lab, a room that no one is allowed to enter. she shows him what's inside.

it's cloning pods. she had already had their dna for who knows how long, and had used it to essentially clone them. make perfect ninja replicas. ones that had all their skills. only five managed to survive the process and come out the other end alive. cy reveals this was something she was hired by mayor trustable to do, and when the clones finished growing, he took them off her hands.

but she's always hated him for that. the original ninja would always be superior. the clones could not come close, ever. that's why she's so adamant about bringing their powers back. she wants them to wipe their clones out and prove they're superior.

kai thinks that's absolutely unhinged and manages to escape, running through the lab. he took a wrong turn and finds a cell, where nya is sitting. his sister is alive. he and nya talk, but it's obvious she doesn't know who he is, or who she even is. kai promises to get her out, but nya doesn't understand. he leaves and gets captured and sent back to his cell.

he goes to visit nya's cell sometimes, now that he knows where she is. he tries reminding her of her memories, to which she listens to best she can. she's a bit... spacey. but it's ok, they're bonding.

that is, until cy catches him visiting her and gets pissed. she threatens to hurt nya if he doesn't back off and go back to his cell, to which he snaps and activates his emergency response. his sister is in danger. he would not let his family be in danger.

he becomes a wildfire and destroys the lab. it gets burned down, its entire foundation gone. and for her cruelty, for what she did to him, his friends, his family, his sister, kai kills dr cy.

still in his emergency response, he can't do much other than rampage, a living wildfire. the others find nya and they all get out of there. pixal, meanwhile, is holding kai back and fighting him off. he's not kai right now, just a mess of fire and rage. it hurts to see him like this.

but nya sees him like that. memories flood back. the element of water rushes back to her (aspheera losing hold on the magic) and she turns back into the sea. she has her memories. she stares kai in the firey face and they calm each other down. their emergency states fade away, leaving two not-quite humans in their wake. kai realizes what he did in his state. nya realizes how long it's been. they're both sobbing messes against each other.

now that cy and the lab are gone, and nya and kai have their elements back, there's two issues to solve. the first is the others' elements, which they don't really want to trigger the emergency response for. the other is the new ninja, their clones.

the og ninja decide to tell the new ninja directly that they know they're clones. turns out the new ninja also did not know they were clones. so that was a fun development where the new ninja realize that Oh God. they're not even actual people. they were just made for one purpose.

the bizarros also get involved. it becomes very confusing to have like three people with the same face in the same room, but the bizarros deserve to know there's clones of their light counterparts. i'm normal about my bizarros.

with their combined effort, they overthrow mayor trustable. and everyone lives happily ever after. more or less.

the new ninja agree to also be city protectors, since they were literally made for that, but that they'll also learn to live their own lives and figure out who they are as people. they aren't the bizarros, who are kinda predisposed to doing bad things.

kai is having a time, meanwhile. he killed someone. he isn't human anymore. he's changed. if there's any more room left in the season, it's left for kai to discover who he is again. maybe he goes on a vacation. they all can go on vacation. they deserve it.

how did the others get their elements back? fuck if i know <3 i haven't gotten that far yet kjdhfgkjdhfg

[lastoneout]

I want to clarify right at the start that I do not agree with him at all, I think this is wacky nonsense and he's insane and I will not make any attempt to defend his position beyond explaining it fairly. Also, for some additional context, he feels this way bcs for his job he works with people all over the country and world and so figuring out the right times for meetings and stuff is a massive fucking headache, especially bcs his co-workers barely ever clarify what timezone they're talking about.

But essentially he thinks time should be standardized across the globe. So like, everyone's 8am is the same, so say if I wanted to do a VC with someone in Australia, we wouldn't have to convert our timezones, we could just call at 8am bcs 8am is the same for both of us. Sure, for me it might be the middle of the night and it might be like dawn for them, but for both of us the official time is 8am and that's all we have to worry about.

Now I feel it's important to clarify that this wouldn't necessarily mean half of the planet would just never get to see the sun, the day/night cycle can still dictate schedules more or less(we don't want to make the entire planet live like Iceland does), but he takes this to a further, more radical place of "we should also just stop conforming to the neurotypical circadian rhythm and if someone wants to wake up and sunset for work and then come home and go to bed at dawn they can" which is the only part of this I agree with.

Some follow-up notes:

Yes for some people that would mean that the day rolls over when the sun is up/they are at work or school, but for people who work unusual hours like nurses and janitors that sort of thing already happens so it's fine.

He thinks military/24-hour time would make this transition easier even though he prefers am/pm time.

He would love to know what the hell the "timezones aren't real" person is on about bcs he does think they're insane. I share this sentiment.

Anyway, that's why I call him a radical timezone abolitionist.

talked to someone today who told me they don't believe in time zones and had to mute my phone because I audibly said what the fuck

[troglobite]

random thoughts abt the shows i'm watching don't judge me for what shows i'm watching

i am impatient to see how That Plotline in t/d l/sso is gonna work out.

but it is interesting. so 8 episodes left, 8 weeks left.

and everything is up in the air. kind of unsettling but also compelling. it's nice that i can't actually predict what they're going to do with most of the characters. there are some things i'm sure of (trent is not going to out colin) some things i'm like "it would make sense, but not putting all my eggs in that basket yet..." (trent coming out, himself, and being like ??? y'all didn't know?) and everything else i'm like goddamn i literally have no clue (sam? rebecca? bex? keeley? zava? ted's Entire Situation?)

i didn't like at all michelle's face at the end of the episode & how we're just supposed to be like "good for ted voicing his feelings abt how what she did was scummy as fuck, but in his frustratingly calm way"

like. she's just. what, happy that he's now starting to be honest abt when he's upset? like i get that. but my Hetero Nonsense Instincts kicked in and i'm IMMEDIATELY worried he's gonna get back together with her. normally i'd say that's unlikely to happen w this show, but christ, the straights are fucking unpredictable. so much so that i'm also a little bit worried that rebecca's gonna end up with ted. both would Fucking Terrible Outcomes, story-wise and character-wise, and this is the final season, so i hope they don't fuck it up.

i also think the team getting so many red cards in the second half was kind of. pushing it. like yeah yeah, "lesson learned", fighting from a place of only hatred and anger--especially when it's FRESH--isn't great. but that was. laying it on a little thick. i don't think ted is the kind of person who ever really needs to be in the 'i told you so' position, and i didn't particularly like it. felt like a weird plot for that episode.

but i'm also just in a weird mood and having the colin, michael, and trent situation has me like 👀👀👀 so y'know lol

anyway also season two of sh/dow and b/ne is SO MUCH BETTER THAN FIRST SEASON.

we just made it to episode 7 and quite frankly i am So Tired of alina.

if i understand correctly, the first books were JUST abt her & her entire story?

how did anyone stand that. or did the show just make her so much worse?

i'm just frustrated by the cluelessness and...like... aughaughadgjalsdkfj

for a minute there i was much more compelled by her and her story. she didn't drive me up the wall.

and episode 7 sort of sent her careening again. they end on a cliffhanger--objectively useless given they released all 8 episodes at once--and i'm like "yeah right as fucking if, i know how this is gonna go down, it's v silly"

i mean it's NOT, but also.

you're telling me the wraith, inej, is just STANDING THERE WITH THE SWORD OF LEGEND DOING NOTHING?

yeah okay. c'mon, inej. as if. esp w nina and zoya there, too, like what the fuck.

Everybody Is Fucking Stupid

also it's always a little //shrug when you can see character deaths coming from a mile away.

it's why i LOVED a couple of the middle season episodes--

spoilers, i guess, if you care

but i did NOT see baghra's death coming! that was a shock, but it made so much sense! it was narratively compelling, it created an interesting timer and plot element, etc. very cool.

episode 7, though?

yeah no i knew nikolai's bestie was gonna eat it. i knew david would fucking sacrifice himself like a dipshit, bc narrative balance or whatever, bc he thinks he owe genya or some shit.

it does seem though like maybe this main plot about the fold will be over in the final episode, so if they continue making this show i'd LOVE to keep watching

bc i'm tired of kirigan (ben b/rnes does an incredible job making his silly little lines sound almost actually foreboding--but he basically sells it, bc he comes off as a powerhungry childish man who buys his own bullshit, so job well done) and i'm REALLY tired of alina.

i LOVE nikolai, i think he's very cool. i think they fucking clipped his wings when they made him love alina--SHE'S SO BORING AND ANNOYING, WHAT DO YOU ALL EVEN SEE IN HER?!

i'm literally a lesbian and every other woman character on this show is more interesting and compelling and has more personality than her.

poor girl. her personality boils down to selfish, clueless, obstinate, changeable. that is. about it.

it's just sort of wild.

for a minute there in season two it was like "oh okay. i'm beginning to understand her, now. she's been through a lot, and it's finally showing."

and then we swung right back around to "right, yeah. selfish and emotionally immature shortsighted dipshit. alas."

imagine if literally any other character in the show was the sun summoner. my god. kaz? inej? that would be fucking wild. i love it.

obviously that's not the case bc the books and there's a lot more going on--i'm just saying, narratively and character-wise, they're WAY more interesting and compelling than alina. which is a fucking shame. lol

but i am interested to see how this season ends.

i'd LOVE to keep watching a show abt the crows.

and for the most part i'd just love it if everybody stopped being like. carelessly stupid.

you really didn't think kirigan was going to create a diversion and instead seek to ambush you where you are? you really didn't think that they'd try and get amplifiers, too, or at least be tactically trained? you REALLY think they didn't know about your fucking GIANT NOISY AIRSHIP?

and then also did you REALLY think he wasn't going to immediately go for mal in any circumstance?

you really thought your fort, not far from the fold, was going to be safe from the fold when it's been moving and expanding further for months?

and you REALLY thought, alina, that going to the place where it all began in the heart of the fold WOULDN'T MEAN RUNNING INTO KIRIGAN?!

also why the fuck wasn't inej just swirling around with this sword of legend?! christ.

ANYWAY.

other than that great world and story and just overall very cool.

[space-ninja-fashion-show]

HI I'm the anon :D only out of convenience since this is a sideblog, so now i can just drag this over to here and Ramble

I personally wouldn't worry much about rivens. A good one to make a mid-tier weapon worthwhile longer is hard to get, a good one for a popular weapon is pretty much impossible to get bc of how disposition works, and either way say goodbye to your kuva. The only rivens i use are for Funny Nonsense, and I'm doing just fine for myself!

(For reference, I'm chugging along on SP when i feel so inclined, and consider Zariman/ESO relaxing)

Prime (including Umbral/Sacrificial) and Arby mods are both important for improving your arsenal though, yes! As long as you don't feel comfortable with Arbies then don't worry about it, they don't break or make anything on starchart, but they're very handy for beyond it (besides the Galvanized mods, Adaptation and Rolling Guard are precious for survivability)

Working on the Zariman will also do you good bc some of the weapons and arcanes you can get from there are really, really strong! It is no mistake that the Laetum became one of the most used secondaries within a year of its release

Unfortunately i don't have much experience with Limbo (making eyes at the next resurgence cycle about this) or the chakhurr (someday i'll get there), but here's a few recommendations if you'd like to try!

Frames:

Lavos: now I don't know if the problems you've run into are along the lines of "staying alive is hard", but Lavos Doesn't Die. He's damn-near indestructable and with a Lot of damage output to back it up. A learning curve for sure but one I found to be very rewarding. It's no wonder he's my go-to frame for Steel Path, being as tanky as he is and with a condition overload mechanic that things just Love dying to

Revenant: probably the no1 tank anyone will recommend to you these days. Step 1: mesmer skin. Step 2: ??? Step 3: profit

(I feel like a fake Nidus Main here but Lavos and Rev are probably easier to get into when idk if you like tanks in the first place)

Wukong: yeah yeah I know that he's become half an insult, but that aside, he's a genuinely very very versatile frame that I think anyone should give an honest try at least once. Fun movement! Self-heal! Big slappy exalted stick! A twin! He's just a fun guy all around

Gara: has some similarities to Limbo in the area defense/CC department but combines it with damage reduction instead of conditional invulnerability. Also things just die if you run into them

Weapons:

Nataruk: if you liked it during TNW and haven't used it much after, go give it a whirl with a proper build (fire rate, multishot, crit, hunter munitions). It tears through Steel Path even in my clumsy hands. Also I'm a big bow enjoyer so I am Living

Cedo: shotgun go brrr. Self-contained condition overload mechanic which means it scales damage really well. Relatively high accuracy and fire rate for a shotgun. My other go-to SP weapon for anything but boss-type enemies

Laetum: pocket sniper that turns into a damage sprinkler if you feed it a snack of headshots. A bit of a hassle to do the whole evolution gimmick but it's worth it for the 50% chance for fuckoff amounts of damage that you get out of it

I use few guns and a million melees and idk what you prefer in your melee, but depending on how you feel about range, attack speed, heavy vs regular attacks; the xoris, gram prime, guandao prime, and quassus are all close to my heart

(Also, I see a rec for Archon Hunts in the notes and i pale at the thought of that. Archon Hunts are lvl100+ even if not with the SP armour/shield boost, and without good enough gear, they fall between "struggle" and "hell". Also, you've got a million easier things to upgrade your arsenal with than archon shards yet!)

Also, how's your operator combat feeling? What amp do you have? Focus schools are a worthy investment as well (and if you end up going into ESO to get used to the difficulty, you will be getting focus along the way!)

If you were struggling with Zariman missions, I'd say stay far away from Steel Path for a while still. Not for any gatekeeping nonsense reasons, but because you likely wouldn't have fun with such a drastic difficulty spike (not only are the levels 100 higher, enemies are tankier even on top of that!) and there is no reason to go kill your fun like that

In the meantime I can recommend trying to get more comfortable with the Zariman missions and Elite Sanctuary Onslaught if you wanna keep climbing up in levels, and moving on to Arbitrations after if that's your cup of tea (Galvanized mods from Arbies are a huge boon for Steel Path as well!)

Oops, sorry this got wordy. I see myself in everyone getting smacked by a difficulty spike D:

If you would like weapon/build recommendations, I'm sure I'm not the only Tenno around who'd love to help either! Good luck, wherever your journey across the Origin System takes you next :)

HI HELLO yes i will ABSOLUTELY stay the fuck away from SP for a good while yet lmao. thank you so much for the advice and where to get better stuff!!! i appreciate it very much bc i feel like yesterday was my first foray into True Warframe Endgame and it was VERY clear i'm not quite there yet lmao

i very much appreciate your stance on games of "have fun even if it's not endgame/skills-based". very refreshing sometimes and 100% in agreement with my own views on videogame difficulty and fun

i've been trying to fill out my prime arsenal and i've been buying up Baro's stock in primed mods every time he pops his head out of the void so far - but I see now that that is an intermediate step into the next thing, which is... rivens? the arbitration things? god i have no idea please feel free to infodump on me. i will appreciate it very much even if it sometimes is a refresher for things for me. god knows i need it. same for the recs - hit me with them. cmon. i'm double dog daring you or whatever the americans say. whats your fav. how do you start constructing a build i have No Clue.

i might even stop trying to Advance for a little bit and just focus on as you said getting comfy with the Zariman - i need to broaden my familiarity with the stuff i've unlocked recently