#of ill-fated meetings and broken hearts

[ssamlovr]

��ill we meet again?

𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𓈒𓈒𓈒 Daniela Avanzini ⋆ 𝑓𝑒𝑚 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 ・ 𝑐𝑤. 𝗌𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉, high school au, friends to lovers — first kiss, first love, a little of angst...fluffy ending・ 𝑤𝑐. 6.k+ ・ 𝑔. 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿��　—

song recommendations! (I literally wrote this listening to them so... 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️)

Bonfire —w2e

Kingston —faye webster

soren —beabadoobee

hoax —taylor swift

glue song —beabadoobe

a night to remember —beabadoobee, laufey

bewitched —Laufey

"I think some people are destined to meet each other in every universe they're in."

"Do you think that would happen to us?" Yn smiles at nothing exactly.

"Of course! I'd like to be yours in ever every universe if that were possible, Yn."

Or, maybe, Daniela and Yn are just destined to meet in any universe.

‘To my dani, when our world ends and our paths part, I promise to meet you on all your other days.’

&

‘To my yn, you’re my history. Look for me, i’ll look for you.’

✦‎ THE FIRST: always, in the same place & at the same time.

Could everything in the world one day be part of fate? There aren't many things that are certain.

But sometimes, a truth and a certain thing can be that two people were meant to be.

The stars aligned and everything was prepared, perfectly thought out. The universe was a perfectionist, and there were the right people at the right times, hearts ready to come together like two broken pieces meeting. Because the sun lit the way, and illuminated the mornings where two souls met like candles in a dark room.

Two young souls in the shade, and fate made it all work out.

Because maybe even the unpredictable is a little bit predictable too, and Daniela and Yn were written in destiny since the very first day.

They had been written in the universe since creation, side by side like shining stars, ready to meet, no matter when, no matter how. They were just there, ready for when they needed to find the other half that was always missing.

The other half of the soul.

This has always been a topic among the fans. At first, Daniela thought it was funny — and a bit cute, of course — the way Yn always described her as her "other half". It was just... something so simple, but at the same time so honest. So, so genuine of Yn, something that Dani had always admired in her: her truth, her transparency, her purity in parts that Dani never thought there could be.

That was probably the reason she fell in love: Yn was real. Truly real. Right there, always so close.

And, honestly, Daniela couldn't lie about their relationship. Everyone knew — literally everyone — that they were in love right from the start, right from when one wore pink and the other wore blue, right from when they were among twenty girls competing for a dream.

But even competing, even fighting, Daniela couldn't take her eyes off Yn. And Yn never could either.

And perhaps that was the reason for it all: in moments of crisis, when the light seemed to be constantly off, when everything was always on the edge of the world, Dani and Yn found peace in each other.

They were going to make sure it stayed that way for the duration of the Katseye’s contract: there, close, never forgetting the start of it all. Remembering that, no matter what happened, there was still love.

There was so, so much love.

In every little part of their day, Daniela always saw that, that kind of affection and care that she never had for anyone else. In every touch that served as a reassurance, as a "it's going to be okay", when Dani was exhausted after hours in the practice room. When Yn managed to hit a high note that she'd been struggling with for weeks and the first thing she does afterwards is look into Dani's eyes, and see that she's smiling, so full of proud.

When, in the midst of difficult diets and times when Yn couldn't eat because her mind was talking too loudly inside her head, and the only thing she needed was to have Daniela by her side, just there, because not being alone was enough.

Sometimes, she would just accept the portions of food that Dani fed her and find peace in the touch on her back, making comfortable circles. And there were times when it was Daniela who needed to do this for Yn, because they both had their own difficulties in everyday life and their pillar was knowing that they had each other.

Yn felt that life as famous would be a thousand times harder if she didn't have Daniela, if she didn't have someone to love — and someone who loved her back.

Dani felt that way too, whenever things seemed too heavy for her body to bear, whenever the dawns never seemed to end.

And she hoped that things would never change, honestly. Yn and Daniela weren't perfect, they never were, but there was beauty even in the things that didn't always work out, fights and arguments, when one of them can't say sorry, and then the other has to wait until the space becomes big enough for forgiveness. It was easy even when things were difficult, because even then they knew that everything would be okay.

Everything was always going to be okay.

No one can stay away from their other half for too long, can they?

"Do you believe in fate?" Yn asked one night. The bedroom would have been completely dark if it weren't for a small lamp illuminating the side of Dani's face, the light reflecting in her eyes, bright and huge like two stars about to explode in the sky.

There was a pause of silence. Yn knows that Dani is breathing because the two of them are practically fused together lying on the bed, the older one's head resting on the younger one's tattooed chest. Yn doesn't mind making strokes with her fingertip across Dani's back, connecting all the little moles that decorated it like remnants of paint on a white canvas. And then she could imagine that Daniela was her unfinished painting that Yn was determined to finish with her own lips one day.

"Yes." Dani whispered against Yn's skin, kissing that right spot on her collarbone. "Quite a lot, actually."

Daniela seemed especially soft this time, lying like that on Yn, clinging and sleepy. "It's nice to think about fate sometimes.”

Another pause. Yn could laugh at the tired way Dani was being, but it was so adorable that she just decided to admire the way she melted while petting her head.

"I think... some people are destined to meet each other in every universe they're in."

Yn smiles at this, looking up at the stain on the ceiling which, ironically, seemed to be shaped like a panda with very large ears. It was Dani's room, and fortunately her roommate, Manon, was out playing games with Lara and Megan all night, so Yn and Daniela had a lot of time together to enjoy.

"Do you think that would happen to us?" Yn smiles at nothing in particular.

"Yeah... for sure." Dani murmured against Yn's skin. "I'd like to be yours in every universe if that were possible.”

She says it as if it were something simple. As if it wasn't something that made Yn's heart swell and pulse under the skin where her girl was laying.

The silence says a lot. Once again, the only thing that could be picked up by the ears were the synchronized breaths. But, at the same time, their hearts could see Yn's enchanted smile in the dark.

Yn?." She called, lifting her chin a little to look at Yn, her eyes searching for her.

"mh?"

"Are you happy? Like, truly happy?" She asks.

Yn stays silent. Happiness was always a kind of priority in her life. Her mother constantly said that no matter what you're doing, no matter where it takes you, you need to be happy. And if you're not, things aren't going as they should be.

With that kind of thing, Yn was constantly trying to be happy, truly happy. She did things she loved for a good part of her life: she met people, she danced, she won competitions, she sang, she realized her biggest dream.

But... sometimes, before everything really worked out, it was as if something was missing.

A part of her that hadn't been filled.

She only discovered that her other half was right there when she actually met Daniela. The girl who was competing with her for the first place, big eyes and the most beautiful smile in the whole world.

And in the midst of twenty other competitors and something that meant her future, it didn't take long for Yn to realize that this girl would make her so, so happy.

"I am. I really am. Why are you asking me that?" She asks lightly.

"I'm afraid of the people around me not being happy." Dani says. "All I want is for you to be happy with me."

Yn smiles widely. Daniela was so sweet that it made her heart ache, just so genuine and pure, resting bare-chested in Yn's arms, their hearts holding each other together.

"I'm so happy by your side, Daniela. You don't have to be afraid. I'm so, so happy." Yn confesses, holding it, keeping it. "Are you?"

It takes Dani a few seconds to stand up, her legs around Yn's hips to face her properly. There's a pause before she kisses the younger one's lips lightly, holding her chin as if she's going to run away. It lasts no more than three seconds, but Yn feels like she could stay there for three hours.

"I am." Dani says just as she pulls away from her mouth, her forehead resting against Yn's, their noses touching lightly. "You are my happy."

And Yn doesn't have to move far to kiss her again.

I would live through all the bad things, all the difficulties, all over again, just to be happy with you as I am now.

Only because now I got you, and you got me, forever.

"You'll be my happy in all the other universes too." Dani murmurs, soft on Yn's skin, their hips cracking together.

I hope so.

I really hope so.

But it was just another dawn between all the other universes. There would be many more times to be happy.

It always would.

✦‎ THE SECOND: but I promise you, I'll never let go of your hand

The flowers were beautiful at that time of year. Big petals falling from the trees and decorating the grass that should have been cut last spring. Summer was hot, but it wasn't unbearable. There were still clouds hovering in the blue sky with strange shapes that Yn always said looked like some exotic animal.

"That one looks like a lizard." She says to the fifth cloud she can identify, her head lifting a little to watch, her eyes squinting against the sunlight.

Next to her, leaning against the large trunk of their favorite tree, Daniela snorts out a laugh.

"You're just taking random clouds and saying they look like something."

"No, this time it's for real." The younger one exclaims, her brown hair falling into her eyes as she points to the sky, causing Dani to look up too. "It really looks like a lizard. It's got a tail and everything."

Daniela narrows her big eyes at the figure. If she tried hard, could be a lizard there, but she decides to just deny it with her head and give a small laugh.

"Nah. You're too imaginative sometimes, ynie." She says and Yn grumbles beside her, bumping their shoulders together.

"You never believe me." She mumbles before crawling down the trunk of the tree, practically lying there looking up at the sky.

Dani just watches her with a sweet smile and, after just a minute or two of silence, Yn calls her attention again, saying that she found a cloud that looks like a panda with very large ears.

It was always like that, honestly, and it didn't matter much. Daniela never said it, but she really liked those summer afternoons where they did nothing more than relax and burn their skins in the sun and then laugh at the way their cheeks got red.

And Daniela just loved it. Everything about that little world where she lived with her best friend, Yn: the sunny afternoons eating ice cream and feeling the sea air impregnate their noses, riding bikes and competing to see who could get to the other side of the road the fastest, spending late nights doing nothing at all in each other's rooms.

It was just a life where everything seemed enough. Where they didn't have to worry about anything other than what they were going to do the next day.

Just them in their own little world.

Yn and Dani couldn't remember exactly when they had become so close, it was like they had been stuck together with a super-powered glue — they had just always been together and had never had a really happy memory where one wasn't next to the other. It was just... them, together, all the time, Yn and Dani in their own universe where there was nothing and no one to make them regret anything.

And there were those nights where it was already part of the routine, where Yn slept in Dani's room, in the same bed, wearing her friend's pajamas because she always forgot to bring her own.

It was always easy to sleep in a place where the only noise was the quiet breathing of a person you trust with your life. But this time, Yn wakes up in the middle of the night with the sound of the mattress moving beneath her. Her eyes open slowly, heavy with sleep, and the first thing she sees is that familiar, reassuring image of Daniela's back, restlessly moving in bed.

"You're not sleeping." Yn says the obvious in a whisper, her voice slightly hoarse.

There's a pause where Dani slowly turns over in the dark, looking at Yn for a few seconds, then looking away.

"No, I am." Daniela replies back.

Yn laughs lightly, rubbing her eyes and snuggling closer into her sheet, feeling the weight of the two of them pulling her down.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

Dani sighs and Yn knows she's pouting like every time.

"I don't know." She mumbles. "It's just my head."

Yn breathes a little deeper this time and she feels her ankle touch Dani’s.

"It never stops. It's like..." She stops. "Forget it, it's not important."

"It seems pretty important, actually." Yn replies and feels Dani shrink in front of her.

"It's not."

There are a few seconds of silence and Yn seems to be trying to read Dani’s expression, trying to understand everything inside her best friend. She always saw that Dani had a difficult time getting to sleep, and the solution was always just... to be there, sometimes to stroke her back until she fell asleep against the palm of her hand when things were comfortable enough.

But they never talked about it the next morning, they never had to: what happened at dawn stayed at dawn.

"You can talk to me." Yn mutters.

"I know.”

Yn looks at her, and it's as if there's a whole universe just in the girl's eyes, and all the secrets and mysteries can be discovered there.

"Then do it." The younger one smiles and looks so simple.

Daniela just looks at her, and she thinks that life could be much easier for girls like her if there were only people like Yn in the world. Pure people who loved, who lived as if it were their first and last life, and who had hearts big enough to hold all kinds of good words.

People like Yn, who listened in the dark.

"I feel like such a fake these days." Dani says, shrinking a little into her own body. "As if... I pretend to be someone I'm not, all the time. It's like a big theater play."

"What?"

"Life. Life is like acting until you can't stand it anymore and miss all your lines that you should have memorized."

Yn looks at her best friend for a few seconds, and there she sees that people carry many worlds inside them, and sometimes some worlds are in crisis, in war — searching for words to make peace.

And sometimes peace is pretending, pretending that everything is fine until it really is. But, in the back of your mind, you know that the wound hasn't closed, and that it's still bleeding, even if silently, even if no one sees it — even though you're seeing it. Even though you see yourself bleeding every day.

But you still pretend, pretend until all your blood is gone.

"I think I'm a very bad actress." Dani says. "I just... can't be the way people expect me to be."

"I don't expect anything from you." Yn says automatically. "You don't have to act when you're with me."

"I don't do that." Dani says and her toes trace a line on Yn's shin, soft as a feather. "Being with you is like... backstage at a play, maybe."

"Really?" Yn smiles slightly.

"yep."

Dani looks at Yn, and sometimes it's hard to find beauty in the world. Even with so many landscapes and art and faces, the world is on fire, and everything is burning down. And maybe the universe is running out, and there are few lives left to live as if they were your last.

Happiness is hard to come by.

Peace even more so.

And artists wonder, are there still beautiful things in the world?

Dani thinks that maybe, just maybe, she has found the answer as she looks at a girl in front of her who is wearing her pajamas.

"Yn?." She whispers, her voice as gentle as a love song.

Dani murmurs, closing her eyes slightly.

"I think you're my favorite person in this world."

The younger one opens her eyes, and she holds onto Dani as if she depended on it, although they wouldn't even be touching if it weren't for their ankles tangled at the end of the bed.

But she felt, for a fraction of a second, that there was something strong between them — stronger than any other connection or invisible string of fate.

She just knew it was right.

Yn just knew that she was right in that moment, living that life with Dani, being enough, being everything they needed to be — being bad actresses to the rest of the world, but just two girls with each other.

And, that day, Yn wanted to be a poet or an artist, so she could write works and many words to describe this incredible world she was living in with Daniela. But, well, she wasn't a poet.

Yn was just a girl who love very much.

She looks at Dani, and just says before falling asleep: "And I think you're my favorite person in the universe.”

✦‎ THE THIRD: even your heart, I wanna know

Would you ruin yourself a million little times for love?

Would you break and rebuild yourself again, healing wounds with your own blood, just to find out if there is still beauty?

Love is in all the little things, and the big ones too, yet only a few people can see it. And it's not about having good eyesight, or being observant — it's about being born with that gift of seeing love even when the world and everything is falling down.

Some people were just like that, and others weren't.

Daniela didn't seem to have been born with that gift. She often didn't believe in love, the seasons passed and she didn't even seem to notice. People said that she was as cold as winter. And… It was as if she was empty of passion.

Yn, meanwhile, was just full of it.

Yn liked flowers, and Dani liked the bright colors of the petals. She was a rather negative person sometimes, but she believed Yn when she said that things would get better. The early mornings seemed empty in her room. Yn loved the dawn, but she didn't like silence — she liked peace. Summer was leaving and everyone was waiting anxiously for spring to arrive. Cherry blossom petals decorated the streets.

And Daniela would take one by one and give it to Yn, just because they look like those sweet rosy cheeks.

Well, maybe the world is really dark and empty for certain people, maybe Daniela isn't that romantic, or maybe she doesn't even believe that her heart can carry love.

But... she could definitely see the beautiful things.

Yn was one of them.

On the other side of the window, leaves were falling and being carried away by the wind. Across the silent classroom, there were students paying attention to the teacher's sloppy explanation. There was Yn, her head resting on her hand, fighting a battle against sleep and trying to not let her eyes close.

She stretches and rubs her eyes, looks around the room for a few seconds. And then she sees that Daniela is looking at her.

There's a smile on her face, as always. A smile that Yn likes to think belongs only to her.

It's enough to mess with her head, and it's even hard to smile back.

It's difficult because it just is, because Daniela keeps looking at her from the other side of the room. And Yn knows damn well that even if everything went dark, the first thing she would see would be Dani's light.

Now, you may be wondering what Daniela and Yn are. It's a delicate question, not a difficult one, just one with a very... subtle answer that even they can't figure out most of the time.

It was just..that. A friendship, for sure. Dani and Yn had been friends since 7th grade, and now, in their 2nd year of high school, maybe things had been lost and found along the way, and now they were in a big but sensitive and discreet mess: they were in love.

Obviously, being in love with your best friend can be a terrible thing, something that has a great chance of ruining a beautiful and important friendship. In situations like that, words could be like bombs dropping in surprise on the territories — the fields called the heart, which could bleed or just... heal.

But before using words (which is already very complicated, honestly) there is what we might call space. You can decide how the space will be: big, small, deep or shallow. The only certainty is that there will be a delimited space between love and, of course, friendship.

And nobody talks much about it, but that space hurts.

It's an emptiness, but there is silence and doubt. You think, should I go over to the other side? Going from friendship to love, crossing that bridge, is maybe a decision you can never take back, something you can't regret, otherwise you'll fall.

Then there's nothing else.

It's only a... hole. And you just fell in.

When the last class bell rings, the students pick up their materials and slowly make their way out of the classroom. Dani watches Yn put everything in her backpack, waiting for her by the door.

"Come on, I don't want to miss the bus because of you." Daniela hurries her along and Yn just smiles at her, her dimples above her cheek showing.

The two of them walk through the hallways together, relieved that it's Friday and that they're finally going home. Leaving the building, they remain silent as they cross the sidewalk and step on the flowers that are constantly falling from the trees.

Like an everyday scene in the life of high school students, there were couples everywhere: the boy carrying the girl's bag while holding her hand and listening to her talk about her day, glancing at her sometimes, without saying anything specific, just listening attentively.

Yn stares intently at the couple a little ahead of them, seeing the boy stop abruptly and then slowly take a strand of the girl's brown hair from her eyes, brush it behind her ear and smile. The girl smiles at her boyfriend, then leans in to kiss him sweetly on the lips.

"You're staring." Dani comments in a low voice, nudging Yn.

She looks away and returns to walking, her cheeks suddenly turning hot.

"They're cute." The younger girl mutters, her tone almost bordering on disappointment.

"They are." Dani nods, looking at Yn out of the corner of her eye. "Why are you like this?"

"Just thinking."

Look, Yn was always thinking about something. Sometimes it was like a damn torture, her brain just wouldn't stop, ever, not even for a second, and it was just hard. She noticed things too much, things that she sometimes has no way of controlling, things that aren't even within her reach — but, even so, she thought about them, and never stopped.

She thought a lot about her life. About her friendships, about people, about passion. About the romance she'd never experienced. About what she felt — something like love. About girls, and boys too. About friends, and this Daniela Avanzini girl.

She thought a lot about Daniela, every damn moment of her life.

"What exactly?" Dani asked, looking down at her feet, as if hesitating about the answer she might receive.

A few moments of silence, Yn tries to find her words in the middle of her messy brain.

"Have you ever dated anyone?" Yn asks innocently, her eyes big with curiosity as she looks at her friend.

"No. You know I haven't."

Yn nods. They barely ever talked about that kind of subject, so she was measuring her words carefully at that moment.

"But... Have you ever liked anyone?"

"I think... yeah, maybe. But I'm a bit bad at identifying my feelings, not good at this kind of thing..." Dani waits a few seconds before continuing. "What about you?"

"What?"

"Have you had feelings for someone?"

"I-I don't know... I guess I'm bad at that sort of thing too."

Dani lets out a small laugh.

"What are you laughing at?" Yn mutters, embarrassed.

"I think a lot of people might like you." Dani comments, smiling at nothing. Yn looks at her curiously, walking slowly as they reach the bus stop.

"Really?"

"yep." Dani says. "Boys, mostly.”

Yn bites the inside of her cheek. She thinks about it for a moment, about people liking her... She doesn't feel anything about it, though. She didn't know whether to consider it a good thing or a bad thing, she just...

She keeps looking at Daniela.

"Daniela." She calls out. "Do you think there's any difference between loving a friend and loving a... a..."

"A boy?"

"Or a girl." Yn breathes as she says it.

Daniela, who had previously been looking at the few cars passing by on the little-trafficked street, turns her head towards Yn and looks at her intently, as if searching for something.

"You..." She tries to say, but ends up being lost. "I think there must be a difference. Maybe it's just... more intense, you know, being in love."

"Yeah, maybe." Yn agrees. "I was wondering what it was like"

"I think it's... big, you know? Like a big explosion. It's so huge and intense that it explodes, and then melts into you again."

Yn looks at her and Dani knows she said too much. But it's as if she's just describing her own chest in that and so many other moments of her life. Like a sun inside her, pulsating and wanting to be let out and warm someone else beyond that interior. A kind of heat that burns, but doesn't hurt — it warms, actually.

"It sounds... good.”

"If it's with the right person..." Dani hesitates. "It must be good, yes."

"Yeah." Yn murmurs, looking down at her hands shyly. "I'd like to fall in love."

Daniela stays silent, and she knows that there's something in Yn that she should be able to read, as if the girl is constantly wanting to leave words in the rest of her speech.

"I think it's hard for someone to fall in love with me." Dani laughs a little.

"What do you mean?" Yn frowns.

Dani plays with her hands, leaning against the wall of some house without looking at Yn.

"People say I'm cold. They've told me that I don't show my feelings, and that's why I don't seem to love anyone. Something like that." Daniela mutters, exposing that wound that hurts and never seems to heal.

Yn stays silent for a few seconds, looking at Dani: her blonde hair and small face, her eyes so big and so, so bright. her lips, which spoke beautiful things and truths, her skin illuminated by the light coming through the clouds. As beautiful as the sun.

And Yn thinks, how could someone who shines so brightly be called cold?

"What?" Dani asked quietly, realizing that Yn was staring at her.

"Those people are wrong." She says very decisively, almost angrily. "You're not like that."

"No, I understand why they say that. I just... I don't know." Daniela shrugs. "It's complicated."

Yn continues to frown, leaning against the wall next to Dani, their shoulders touching, the shade of the cherry trees protecting them.

"That's not true. Daniela," Yn says, looking at every detail of Dani's face. "I see love in you. A lot, actually.”

Daniela looks at Yn, at her eyes, and there it is. No matter why or how, she's always there. In all her detail and beauty, Daniela listens to her, to her words.

Because she knows that no one else would say something like that in the whole world except Yn.

And something swells inside her chest, and there is something that has long been hidden behind layers of skin and history: a heart.

A feeling.

"Thank you." Dani just says it, but it's as if she's opening her body and showing everything to Yn, and only to her.

The other girl smiles and they wait for the bus to arrive in silence. It's simple, like a routine — but it's not simple, it's very exciting, your chest moving restlessly when you're close to someone you definitely like with your whole body.

Sometimes you fall in love with your best friends.

And sometimes, that's the purest kind of love.

On the bus, they share a single earphone and Yn lets Daniela choose the song. ' Bonfire , by Wave to earth, echoes in their little world and it's as if something very heavy has been removed from their souls. The clouds regroup in the sky, and while they are so protected, a soft and silent rain begins to decorate the day that was still sunny.

Daniela naps on Yn's shoulder. They were so close, and it's very easy for Yn to draw lines on the back of Dani's hand when it doesn't require any kind of explanation.

When they got off the bus, Dani took Yn's hand and the two of them ran through the rain, dodging the small puddles that were forming. They laugh as they start to approach Daniela's house, slowing down and taking cover under the roof of the small balcony.

"You're all wet now." Yn says as she runs her hands through Dani's hair and face, drying her off while Daniela still smiles and looks at her with those huge eyes that would make anyone dizzy.

"You are too." Yn laughs a little as she pulls away from Dani, taking her time to keep her hands off her. "You didn't even have to come all this way.”

"I wanted to." She says, her fingers dragging along the strap of Dani's backpack.

They're silent, and it's silly. It's an addictive kind of emotion that controls them, letting their eyes penetrate each other without as much fear as before, because they know they're the same. Wet hearts and words, soaked by that afternoon's rain, can take forever to dry if no one does anything.

"Dani." Yn calls out.

Daniela takes a deep breath and remains right where she was, she doesn't move away, she just looks at Yn more closely, as if, at some point, she will be able to see everything inside the girl's brain.

"Mm."

"You said falling in love is like an explosion." Yn begins, her words coming out almost in a whisper. "And I like to feel intense things, and usually I feel a lot. But... I also get afraid."

She looks at Dani, and she knows that there are eternities just in that look. She knows there is so much history and beauty.

"But I don't feel afraid with you. I wanted to tell you that." Yn smiles slightly, her lips trembling. "You make me very brave."

"Yn..." Dani tries to move closer, but the younger girl takes a small step back and continues to stare at her.

“No, listen to me. You might think it would be difficult for someone to fall in love with you, but I don't think so!" Yn continues to say, her tone clear and loud. "I think..."

"Ynie..." Dani just smiles.

"You said that a lot of people might like me, but I think that happens to you, actually." Yn continues to take steps backwards and feels her back bump into the balcony fence.

"Yn." Daniela’s hands were cold on Yn's warm face.

"But I-"

Dani holds her back before she says anything and it's just enough for Yn’s words to be lost on Dani’s lips. She mumbles something, and Daniela breathes it all in as she holds her face with both hands, sinking into Yn.

Her mouth was wet and the taste of rain mixed with the taste of Daniela. There were arms, and there were Yn's hands trying to hold on to something she always thought was out of her reach.

But it was there, so close.

Dani's tongue wrapped around Yn's as if she was trying to reach the center of the universe. They whirled together like two orbiting planets colliding.

An explosion. A perfectly and damn beautiful explosion.

Yn kisses Daniela forever and softly, feeling her face and the soft touch of her lips, trailing her hands down her back calmly and squeezing her waist only to see Dani slide into her and hide.

"Ynie..." Dani murmurs against her lips, that nickname she only uses sometimes causing Yn to vibrate against her. "Hey."

"Mm..." Yn whispers, kissing Dani's cheek without leaving any space.

"I think I know what it's like to like someone."

Yn stops and looks at her, close enough to see through the other's face and soul, their noses almost touching. She sees, deep in Daniela’s eyes, that truth.

"Do you?" She just wants to confirm it.

She nods, pouting slightly. She kisses Yn's cheek innocently, close to her ear, and whispers:

"If I'm really in love, I'm very happy it's with you."

And Yn is there. She listens. And, honestly, there is one certainty at that moment: there are so, so many beautiful things in the world. Things and universes that were destroyed, but Yn would rebuild everything again for a little more love, a little more time.

Love is one of the few things that remains, you know.

At the end of each day, the universe can end, you can lose, die from the disease of love and all the flowers, forget it, forgive it. But it will still be there like the smell of smoke, marked with a tattoo kiss — it will still be etched in destiny like two bright stars destined to meet.

Rain on a sunny day, the end of the rainbow that no one ever finds, truth and passion. There are so many beautiful things, no time, and clarity can still be found in what no one says.

Flowers are born and wither and die, but they are still there like the story of a heart — or a soul.

It's alive. You are alive. So, so perfectly alive.

✦‎ THE LAST: together, we paint up the sky

The only one. The whole hoax. The eclipsing sun, the ashes of his fire. Hands that touch, grasp, hold — the last plan of that last life.

Not many remain after the souls leave.

But there are still so many lives, countless stories and memories trapped in weak organisms, vivid souls, minds that no longer ponder. Eyes that don't see, that don't tell, don't live and don't listen.

They only remember.

Their roots in the ground and the sun burning down. Spring comes and goes, winter is sad but never lonely; summer is loud. Loving in silence is difficult, in secret it's painful, but still, someone would die for someone else in secret.

There are so many truths out there, but no one ever believes it when the heavens tell you that it's your last time.

Nobody appreciates it enough.

Nobody knows if you're destined to love that same girl in all the other lives you're going to live.

But then you look around, and this time the flower is on you, and it's on her too. Like spring personified, you feel it and you know that in many other loves it doesn't stay forever. You know that some die, and others just end — or lie or stay, or just... forget.

You know that, as well as staying, your love has survived.

Feeling the earth, the petals being touched by the wind, that soul that remained in that flower knows that next to it, the love of her life is also growing.

And so there it is: it has survived. Through all the universes and reincarnations and destinies and lives and so many souls, love has survived.

Two roses side by side in the garden, under the sun and the clouds. If anyone saw those two beautiful, pure flowers, no one would ever think that in other worlds, they had been two girls in love.

Two who love in secret. Two who love in silence. And then two who are just the purest form of love.

And until kingdom come, there was love.

In all the seasons and days, where that white-haired lady — the owner of the garden — watered the two flowers and poured her hopes into them. At every moment, where the wind tried to blow them away, but their roots kept them in place forever and ever. Every time someone smelled their pollen, hoping it would smell like childhood.

In all the worlds where there were promises, that time, they were there to finally bring the beautiful things.

To make it true, they built what they had always dreamed of, what they had always tirelessly searched for.

To find beauty in love, in kisses, in sincerity and truth. In the flower of destiny, there would be so many more things, passing down their throats and leaving their traces as if they were history.

I would love you so much that I would get sick.

And I would heal you a million times over.

Those flowers that carry their souls could one day be born in their stomachs, flooding their hearts. But even if the ending wasn't happy and crimson blood stained their skins, it would still be marked with love.

All the lives, the days, the moments, the happiness and the sadness: everything was so flooded with love.

Two girls dance as the world ends, flowers grow together. Breaths held tightly and connected, a pact in silence, invisible to the others.

It will never be broken.

Even when that world ends.

Even when it's the last, and those two souls say goodbye. When it gets cold and spring is over, the only thing that seems real was when the flowers were still falling on the sidewalks.

They looked at the clouds in the sky and slept in the same bed.

Wishing that two and a half years could last forever.

Loving in secret and hating and loving again and hiding. Living again and0 again and again .

Choosing once more, like a goddamn alignment of universes. After all, the sky was blue, the sun was bright and they were the biggest stars.

And now they're flowers,

plucked and carried away from their homeland, where peace does not reach and screams do not pass.

The hand that pulled the root out of the earth and grabbed one of them was small and warm, but there was no love like before.

And at that moment, someone — anyone — could swear. Somewhere, it's as if a soul has been lost, and one last breath has ceased. In other universes, there were best friends who were forgotten, and loves that ended.

There were lies, and a lot of sadness.

There was death, and the lowest point had already been reached.

The highest point, however, was still right there.

At that moment, some tragedy may have struck, and souls were separated when they had promised to be together forever and more.

And the next day, when the love of a life was plucked and carried away, the other was lost. The flower along with the soul withered, and then something stirred, changed.

Nobody knew what, but somewhere, a new beautiful thing was born.

And then we could see for ourselves: beauty was still there, in all its shapes and forms.

Even though it was over, even though it had withered and died and the goodbyes were all real, there were still so many stories that hadn't been told.

So many souls, universes, lives and worlds. Secrets and truths, sincerities. Everything was still there, alive, so alive that if you want it desperately,

you can make it happen.

Love was still there. And it was the only thing that never died.

[bratbby333]

your beauty never scared me ˚➶ ｡˚ ☁️ suguru geto

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ synopsis: after having your heart broken, your best friend helps you pick up the pieces ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ content + warnings: nsfw + mdni !! fem!reader x suguru, reader was in a toxic relationship + cheated on, fwb!suguru, angst, comfort, smut, unprotected sex ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ word count: 5k (+ a smau!! woo!!) ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ author notes: pink indicates reader's pov, orange is suguru's...inspired by Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green <3 also this was not beta read so pls excuse any typos xx i hope yall enjoy !!

Heartache has its own special way of ruining someone…

...stripping away every ounce of self-respect you work so hard to accumulate. That’s the trouble with letting people in. The outcome is almost always undecided, left in the hands of fate or whatever the hell you believe in. Perhaps it's a moment of weakness, letting a stranger entangle themselves with every fiber of your being, see every inch of your skin, explore the darker parts of your mind– even the things you hide from yourself. Putting trust in the wrong things, the wrong people. Never knowing someone’s true intentions until you discover them in bed, in your bed, with another. When something breaks inside of you, something cynical puts the pieces back together. You are a shell of who you once were. Blame it on soul-crushing character development.

It’s hard to watch the woman you love destroy herself…

...for the sake of holding on to someone who has only ill-intent in their heart. Perhaps it’s best to remove yourself. It’s agonizing, knowing you have the ability to save her from all this. You could relieve her of the heartache, free her from the suffering. Bring her nothing but joy. She has changed, evolved, and is nearly unrecognizable now. You watch as he withers her down into nothing. That man broke her, leaving her to pick up the pieces. And the woman you see now isn’t the same one you knew all those years ago.

The cold air of December flurries around outside as your chest erupts in warmth at the sight of her name illuminating your lock screen. She asks to see you, and you’d be a fool to decline. As she’s sat before you, you take in every part of her that you missed. But she’s different now. Dull eyes, sloping shoulders, her cheekbones are sunken in as her clothes hang from her figure like it's two sizes too big. But it isn’t, you remember the day she bought that t-shirt. The soul that normally inhabits her body has been replaced with something…unrecognizable. You know it’s her, but your mind tells you otherwise. The way her voice lilts from her lips, how chillingly different she sounds while delivering the news, it’s heartbreaking. 

She informs you she won’t be around much, mentioning that it will take time for her to heal from this. You pretend to be supportive of the distance she wants to place between herself and her loved ones, even though it absolutely crushes you. 

There’s something peaceful about loneliness…

…only relying on yourself for company. It can be draining of course. With the few friends you do have, you make the most of it. It’s a serene feeling, private even. People perceive you however they please, but only a few trusted individuals know your ins and outs. It's refreshing. 

God forbid you have to cater to someone else, especially when dating. It's hard enough having to take care of yourself. You make sure your friends know they’re loved and appreciated, of course, but the idea of inviting another person into your life; someone who demands your time and attention in order for it to work out? No thank you. It’s backfired for you many times before, you aren’t willing to go through it again. Your friends have watched you heal from heartbreak after heartbreak, each one more damning than the last. No one blames you for your cynicism, it’s understandable. 

Plus, the emotional upkeep of a romantic relationship is exhausting. And the idea of meeting someone, falling for them, and it not working out in the end? Torturous. Why put yourself through all that?

“You just haven’t found the right one!” 

“They’ll come around when you least expect it!”

“You gotta put yourself back out there!” 

Blah, blah, blah. Not interested. There’s no room for hopeless romance in this ill-fated world. You’re not dealing with that pain anymore. Not if you can help it. 

The trouble with love is that it’s cruel…

…discriminatory, even. Picking and choosing who gets to rejoice in its bliss and simultaneously alienating the unfortunate souls who suffer in its unyielding grip. You attempt to find peace in the silence of her absence, telling yourself that she’s okay, but knowing all too well that her precious heart is still shackled to someone so undeserving. You hold on to the irregular check-in’s you get from her. You hope she’s healing, and you prepare yourself for the outcome; that when she finally returns, she will not be the same person she was. 

Betrayal has a pesky habit of sticking around…

…a lingering feeling that still eats away at you. The night you caught him in his infidelity, something deep within you broke. It wasn’t your heart, no, that would be too simple. It was your psyche, the core of your being. The day he left, a part of you left with him. The chemistry of your brain changed, your atomic makeup shifting toward nihilism. 

So you move through life differently now. Every positive outlook you once had now cast to the wayside, replaced with unyielding suspicion in attempts to keep your heart guarded from the outside world. Hope has finally run out, the idea that there’s good in everyone proven to be a goddamn lie. You shove your desire for love into a padded safe and hide it away on a forgotten shelf in your mind. Hell, you’d burn that obnoxious feeling if you could. Run it through a meat grinder, chuck it into a volcano, nuke it. Doesn’t matter. Anything to stop it from tearing you apart. It’s not like it’s done you any good. Besides, who would want someone as damaged as you?

Part of you feels guilty…

…for sitting idly by, knowing your dear friend was hurting so deeply. But there wasn’t much you could do. You grant her space, knowing she wasn’t given that same courtesy for four years of her life. You pray she returns soon, aware that she doesn’t do well on her own. Her own mind is acting like a prison, holding her hostage, forcing her to relive her pain day in and day out. But, god damn it, you can’t take it anymore. You have been without her for so long. So you reach out, demanding she spend time with you. Self-isolation can only get you so far. It had been months since you’d seen her last. And to your surprise, she agrees.

A spring evening, 65 degrees, the setting sun…

…a gentle breeze that laps at your warm skin as you sit cross-legged on a checkered blanket. The beautiful flowers of May decorate the ground in colorful clusters. The cicadas sing while the bees are busy buzzing around. It’s a strange feeling; coping with the fact that your life has reached rock-bottom, a total stand-still as you work to heal yourself, yet life continues to move, to grow, to thrive. It’s inspiring in a way. You are accompanied by Suguru. He managed to get you out of the house after weeks of rotting away inside, anchored down by the gut wrenching feeling of heartbreak.

Laughter echoes through the park as the two of you revel in the serenity. Life feels…good. Whole. Worth living. It’s been a while since it has felt this way. It shouldn't feel strange, but it does. Happiness has become a foreign concept to you.

Sitting before you is the woman you love…

…the color in her cheeks has returned, the fullness of her face present once more. After suffering through the many months of thunder and unrelenting downpour in her mind, she has bloomed once more. Finally. You couldn’t pull your attention away from her even if you wanted to, your body and mind drawn to her in the most spiritual way. Even though she’s deep in thought, working to take in her surroundings, her beauty is still very much evident. She isn’t even aware of the power she holds– utterly entrancing. You would do anything to live in this moment forever. You’d do anything for her. 

But in this moment…

…with a forgotten feeling of fulfillment creeping its way into your chest as the soft rays of the sun dance across your skin and the sounds of nature swirl through your ears, you realize something. Something so beautiful, yet so fucking terrifying. You love him. Suguru. Maybe it was just your heartache talking, connecting dots that had no business associating. 

You brush it off, hide it away, and chalk it up to just being in a vulnerable moment. Your heart had been torn from your body only a few months prior. Anger still rips through your chest when you think about it. Four years wasted on someone you had placed on the highest pedestal, far higher than you placed your family, your friends…yourself. You were blindsided. In an instant, everything you had come to love, the home you felt safe in, the person you thought you knew…ripped away. Like it was nothing at all. 

Suguru has done what he could to mend the wounds for you, knowing good and well that if you are left to your own devices you would spiral past the point of return. And as renewing as this spring evening is, you know you will never be the same again. 

But you can’t help but fixate on the way he makes you feel. And as hard as you try to push those feelings away, they continue to bubble up. What happens when it finally reaches its boiling point?

You’re only human. You have wants, needs, and desires…

…so who do you turn to for that release? Suguru, of course. Isn’t that what friends are for?

Some would say it’s an evil thing to do; to use someone for pleasure, your own personal gain. A part of you understands that, too. Sure, it may have started out that way, but it’s shifted. And that scares the shit out of you, how you find yourself searching for his validation, the sadness you feel when he leaves in the morning after a night full of fun. So why not tell yourself that you’re just doing what you need to do, rather than what you want to do. Ignoring the fact that deep down you really fucking love it. 

It’s not like you’re taking advantage of him and the bond you share…not really, anyway. The two of you are very close, having known each other for ten years. Side by side, maneuvering through a decade of emotional ups and downs; personal dilemmas, weird family dynamics, terrible relationships, fluctuating hormones and unexpected cast changes within your friend group. But the two of you have always stayed consistent, the main characters. Your personalities mesh well, constantly riffing off one another. Never ending laughter and smiles. He's seen you at your absolute worst and vice versa. The true definition of unconditional love. So why not get a little more from him? After all this time, it feels warranted, well-deserved, even. Ignoring what you feel for him, it just makes sense that this is how it should go down. Plus, if it was such a bad idea, why would he agree?

You would accept her…

…in any way she chooses to present herself to you. After years of watching her hurt, you finally have your friend back, and there isn’t anything you wouldn't do to make her happy. Especially with guilt that you still feel, knowing there was nothing you could have done that would’ve saved her from her suffering. So when she suggests the idea of being friends with benefits, you’d be insane to deny her that. Is it a bad idea? Perhaps. You refuse her offer? She slips away, seeking refuge in the arms of another, someone who could hurt her…Never again.

You crave her so deeply that this arrangement seems perfect. Even though you dread the morning after, not wanting to leave her side…jumping on every opportunity to see her, showering her in praise every time you’re nestled deep within her warmth– the way her eyes light up at your word makes you melt. Is it possible she feels the same way? The more you think about it, the less crazy the idea seems. Would she leave you in the dust if you told her the truth? You don’t want to risk losing her. Not if you can help it. But you can’t confess your underlying intentions. Even though a deep part of you hopes for more, it doesn’t even matter at this point. Hide it. You get to be with her in a way that you never have before, and that’s enough for you…right? 

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

It all transpired after one drunken night playing a confessional card game with your friend group. You were shit-faced and horny, and he wasn’t any better off. You’re honestly surprised his dick still worked that night, but god did it work. You didn’t expect it to go any further after that, assuming it was a one-off occasion. The two of you never really addressed what happened, either, didn’t take the time to have a real conversation about it. Just a quick “hey, do you wanna…” followed by an indifferent “yeah, why not?”, and that was that. Which is probably a good thing, because any more talking would have most likely resulted in your true feelings coming to the surface. But it happened, and is still happening, so who are you to complain? It’s perfect.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

Your friends and random on-lookers alike say you’re compatible, and yeah, they might be right, but fuck that. Why risk the friendship you cherish so deeply for a title? That's idiotic. It's borderline insanity. The minute you put a label on something it all comes crashing down. So, why ruin a good thing? 

Don’t overthink it. It’s nothing serious, and it never will be. You refuse to open yourself up to somebody else, someone new. No more getting hurt. You’ve let Suguru into your life in a more meaningful way than you have for anyone else. And that’s far enough.

Does he know every little thing about you? Sure. 

Does he care for your well-being? Yeah. 

Is he attentive, thoughtful, and supportive? Of course…it is Suguru after all. 

But so what? That's what friends are for. 

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

You and Suguru see each other frequently, at least three times a week, whether it’s just a normal hangout or…a hangout. You just get what you need and go; a good laugh, dinner and a movie, casual drinks, or a heaven-sent dick appointment. You both seem content, enjoying one another’s company and…bodies…and minds and souls. 

Fuck.

It’s hard to ignore your totally natural, human need for deeper intimacy. But you try to, and damn do you try hard. It would probably be best for you to stop hooking up with Suguru and just go back to how things were. 

You can’t go through this. Not again. You’ve already shifted the perfectly normal dynamic you once had into something deeper. Something…real. There’s no turning back now. So you continue to hide behind your ego, fighting off every demon known to man in hopes that this will all just go away. 

You’ve been somewhat successful in suppressing your feelings, molding them into something more manageable. You are best friends, with the addition of benefits. Simple. Nothing more, nothing less. You pretend to be ignorant of Suguru's awe-inspiring beauty. How his energy is absolutely addicting, the way his lingering touch burns your skin so beautifully. He makes you feel seen for everything you are and appreciates you for everything you’re not. That sentiment alone propels you through the unexplored cosmos, crossing the line between reality and nirvana as starlight dances across your skin.

Not to mention, when you two are actually fucking? It's like two parts of the same soul finally meeting after centuries of arduous searching. You don’t know where your body stops and his begins, entangled in the most profound way. 

God. You sound insane. This is no way to view a friend…your best friend, at that. Get it together. 

What would you even call this? Touch starved? No, he touches you plenty…and in all the right places, too. Is it desperation? Your insatiable need for love? Karmic punishment for all your failed relationships? The corny trope where you end up falling for your best friend? As much as you want to fight against the feelings you have for him, it’s too late. 

Whatever. Just play it off. You refuse to let your walls down. And you’d hate to give Suguru the satisfaction of being the one who commandeered heavy machinery and sent a wrecking ball toward your emotional fortress. 

If you don’t acknowledge your feelings they’ll just cease to exist, right? Yeah, that’s how it works. And it’s a super healthy coping mechanism, too. 

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

All this deep pondering and emotional soul searching has got you worked up. You decide to see if Suguru wants to come over. Not because you miss him, or anything. It’ll be nothing more than a casual hook up. Dick only, no feelings. 

You catch yourself giggling at his messages. Gross. You brush it off with a shake of your head, a violent wave of self awareness washing over you. 

I'm not going through this again. I refuse.

You read the messages over and over. Do you seem desperate? Do your texts carry the perfect amount of indifference? Whatever. It doesn’t matter, it’s just Suguru, anyway. He's stuck around this long, it would take a lot to scare him off, now.

The plan’s in motion, and you’re going to have a good time tonight. You feel your heart rate spike at the thought of seeing him. That's a totally normal reaction for someone who has no feelings involved, right? Just friends…right? 

Suguru chuckles as he reads your response. Excitement floods through his body in anticipation. Is it finally time to confess? His own eagerness catches him off-guard. He can’t. It’s too soon. He takes a few deep breaths to calm his nerves. Keep it together.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

It’s been so long since the feeling of joy has drifted between these barren walls. You take a swig of your drink, exhaling happily through your nose as the sweet juice dances with the sting of the liquor, warming your chest as you swallow. Leaning back on the couch with one leg kicked up on the coffee table, you absentmindedly swirl your glass as you gaze at Suguru.

“I’m really happy to see that you’re doin’ better,” he muses, taking a sip before setting his cup down. You offer him a small nod paired with a gentle smile, looking back at the drink nestled between your fingers; the ice that’s creating condensation on the outside, the way the sun seeps between the half-open curtains in your living room, the cooing of birds just beyond your window panes. Quite frankly, you’re trying your hardest to focus on anything but him. Ignoring the thrum of your heart every time you look into his eyes, pretending the smooth cadence of his voice doesn’t make your body tremble. 

Say you do confess? What then? Is that really something you want, anyway? Or is it just nice to lust after someone? No, it’s not that. You really do love him. You haven’t even considered the possibility of him reciprocating these feelings, and odds are if he does, you’ll just run for the hills, not willing to open your heart up again. Your last relationship destroyed you. There’s no way you’ll allow someone to fill that void. Not with the possibility that it’ll all be a farce. 

After a moment of silence, you finally speak up. “Me, too. And it’s all thanks to you, Sugu.” You finally meet his gaze, and it’s as if his eyes are attempting to pierce through you with how intently he’s looking at you. His expression quirks as if to ask what you mean. You decide to test the waters a bit. Fuck it.

“You…you’ve made me feel…whole again,” your words come out a bit choppy and drawn out, still battling with your decision to come clean. Your eyes dart around his face before looking away once more. You fiddle with your fingers, unsure of if you want to elaborate. Even if you stop here, it’s okay. That’s a totally normal thing to say to a friend who helped you in your time of need.

Your head snaps toward him at the sound of your name. More is said, but you focus on the way he addresses you. He says it so softly, so gently, like the very syllables of your title grace his tongue as they sway from in between his vocal cords. For four years, your name was used against you, weaponized with anger and hatred. But his words are relayed to you with nothing but love behind them. 

Your ears are ringing as you stare at him blankly. You shake your head in hopes to clear the thoughts that are clouding it. “Wait…wha? What did you just say? The last part?”

“I said, it’s because I love you,” he smiles as he watches your face flush. Time slows as your heart rate speeds up. You brows furrow a bit, trying to piece together what the hell is going on.  A million thoughts spin through your head as you stare at him. “You…love…me? Like, in a ‘best friends’ kinda way, right?” You’re shocked as he shakes his head. “No. I love you, and I have for a while. In a more than friends kinda way,” he laughs a bit before leaning forward, reaching for your hand. “You love me, too. Don’t you?” 

“I-” your words get caught in your throat as his fingers rub against the back of your hand. As calm and collected as Suguru seems on the outside, he is spiraling on the inside. He isn’t sure where this newfound confidence is coming from, but he decides to roll with it. His heart thrums in his chest as he anxiously awaits your response. He has reached his tipping point, wanting nothing more than to finally be able to call you his.

You look down, staring at the place where the two of you meet, the feeling of electricity coursing through your body. A chill runs down your spine before you look back at him. “I-I do. I love you.” 

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

You’re laying on your back, your hair fanned out across the bed. Your arms are wrapped tight around his neck as he gently thrusts into you with slow, deep ruts of his hips. His head is tucked into the crook of your neck, his warm breath brushing across your sensitive skin. 

He leans back, looking down at you with a sweet smile, “You are so beautiful.” His eyes run up and down your body, taking in every dip and curve of your figure, before fixating on where the two of you meet. His lips part as he watches himself disappear inside of you, a deep moan breaking through his chest at the sight of your sweet juices coating his length. He rubs intricate circles into your clit, loving the way you sound as your body writhes under his touch.

Tears begin to pool behind your eyes as you gaze up at him, entranced by the way he manages to stimulate every sense in your body. This is what love truly feels like, bestowed upon you by a man who wants nothing more than to fulfill every facet of your life.

He presses his forehead against yours as he continues to pump into you, his movements influenced by nothing more than pure adoration.

The sun bounces off your features, illuminating your face in such an ethereal way. His breath catches in his throat as he watches the way the light makes your eyes glow. You are angelic in every sense of the word. Someone too pure for this realm, unfathomably delicate; sent to this world to be worshiped and protected.

“I love you. So much,” he groans. Every ounce of devotion he has for you is being pumped into your body with every plunge. It’s overwhelming for him. He's nearly bursting at the seams as he makes love to you, moving his hips so tantalizingly slow, but wanting to thrust into you with fervor, to pound the message into you that you are deserving of all love in the world, and that he will be the one to give it to you. But he takes his time, wanting nothing more than to savor you. 

Small whimpers break through your throat. “I…ahh!– I love you, S-Suguru,” you moan, whining as his head brushes into your sweet spot, making your back arch off the bed as your chest presses into his. The pleasure raking through you is immeasurable, every neuron in your brain firing off at once. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, desperate to feel every single part of him.

He cups the sides of your cheeks, brushing away your tears before placing two soft kisses over each eye. “Why’re you cryin’, my love?” he coos, concern evident on his face as he rubs his thumbs against your face. His hips pause as his eyes dart between yours. 

“Just…’m just so happy,” you whisper, scrunching your nose up with a small sniffle before placing a kiss on his lips. He smiles deeply before returning to his original pace.

“You deserve it...just wanna make you feel good, baby,” his hips press him into the deepest parts of you, rubbing against your sweet, gushing walls, but his pace remains deliberate. “You deserve all the pleasure in the world,” his teeth grit ever so slightly as he feels you clench down on him. “F-fuck, baby… fuck. You are just... incredible,” he groans, angling his hips to keep brushing against your g spot.

Even though you’ve had each other many times before, no other instance compares to the way you feel right now. Your body brimming with love, fulfillment…with him. His touch makes you feel reborn, like no one has ever hurt you before. His hands glide across your skin, leaving a trail of warmth in their wake, his unyielding passion evident in the way he clings to you, and you to him.

“Sugu…” you gasp as he bottoms out once more. Short pants leave your lips as you feel the tightness in your stomach intensify. “P-please, keep goin’...I’m…gonna cum,” you mewl. His hands reach underneath your body, palming each asscheek as he lifts your lower half off the bed. The new angle makes your eyes roll as stars begin to dance around your head. “Me too…y’feel so fuckin’ good.” The fiction of his pelvis against your clit shoots ripples of pleasure through you. Your nails drag down his back in an attempt to ground yourself, but to no avail. This feels otherworldly. His pace picks up a bit, pushing you to unravel, your body succumbing to bliss. The warmth that engulfs his lengths makes him reach his peak right after you, his hips stuttering as he works you both through your orgasms.

He props himself up on his forearms, making a conscious effort to not collapse on you and crush you with his body weight, though you would most definitely welcome it. He watches as your chest rises and falls, every soft pant that leaves your lips like music to his yearning ears. He can’t bring himself to pull out, loving the way your walls are still spasming around him. You stare into his eyes for a moment, running your fingers down his spine. A gentle moment of silence settles between to two of you. No words are spoken, but they don't need to be. 

He begins to get up, but your legs lock around his waist immediately, resheathing him inside of you. “Baby–”, he begins to object, but your arms wrap around his shoulders once more, pulling him down as you kiss the spot below his ear, “Jus’ a few more minutes. Love having you like this.”

A deep chuckle rumbles from his chest as he smiles into the crook of your neck. “You keep this up and we might just have to go again.”

And you do. For hours and hours, attempting to make up for all the years wasted. Your two souls engaging in the most mesmerizing dance. He is determined to replace all the heartache you feel with pleasure. And he does. You feel nothing but him. And he can’t focus on anything other than you. Rolling around together until the golden hue of the setting sun shifts into a light pink as it rises above the horizon. But it feels like no time has passed at all. 

Suguru draws soft circles into your skin, holding you tight against his sweat-glistened chest. Your body trembles from the copious amount of pleasure coursing through you. A gentle peck is placed on the top of your head before he looks toward the ceiling. A sense of contentment washes over him, dancing with the soft pulse of his many orgasms still reverberating through his body. After years of waiting, you are finally his, and he is determined to grant you your well-deserved peace.

Dawning a robe, you sit on your balcony, listening to the birds sing you their habitual 'good morning'. The door slides open behind you, and Suguru takes a seat, presenting you with a cup of tea. A quiet thank you leaves your lips as the two of you take in the scenery before you. 

“We should probably get some sleep now, huh?” You ask, turning to him as you take a sip, smiling at the fact that he knows exactly how you take your tea. But, of course he does. It’s Suguru. 

He grins, “No…I don’t want to leave this moment behind just yet.” You blush, reaching your hand out to grasp his. 

“Me neither.”

In his eyes, you are precious, the most important person in his life. The deep-rooted fear of not being worthy of love is disproven in the form of Suguru’s undying loyalty to you. He has waited years to be with you, and he would have waited years more. And as the two of you sit together, with your fingers intertwined and heartbeats in sync, you know there is nowhere else you want to be…no one else you want to be with. An unfamiliar feeling of safety creeps into your chest. You’re in good hands now.

Maybe opening yourself back up to love wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.

author notes: this fic is incredibly self-serving...but i really needed this. i just want a pretty boy named suguru to save me from the heartache i feel rn ugh

my reqs are closed at the moment, but thirsts and chats are always welcome !!

alsoooo !! i just wanted to send out a big big thank you for 700 followers...im literally in shock i cannot believe it. im spinning around my room rn just thinking abt it. yall are amazing n i appreciate every single one of you 🫶🏼

tag list: @anxious-chick @call-memissbrightside @the-weeb-of-the-uchiha @sadmonke

likes, reblogs, and comments are always greatly appreciated !!

© bratbby333 on tumblr. all rights reserved. please do not distribute. 2024.

[buddierecs]

soulmates buddie fic

this list has different rated fics, so please look at the rating make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

your fingerprints smeared on my heart (lead me back to you) by: letmetellyouaboutmyfeels "in 1880, evan buckley of the arriviste set is sent out west to oversee his family's railroad and recover from a broken heart - and meets eddie diaz, cowboy. when fate tears them apart, they make a promise: find each other again. In 2018, buck walks into his fire station in los angeles - and meets eddie diaz, new recruit." word count: 88k rating: explicit important tags: reincarnation, gilded age, cowboys, timelines, heavy angst objects in the mirror by: sevensoulmates 'the voice had always been around, eddie remembers it, like a stream of consciousness that babbled incoherently to the point where eddie just tuned it out. but then the voice started speaking directly to him..." word count: 139k rating: explicit important tags: telepathic bond, pre-canon, slow burn, eventual smut, angst freezing from the inside out by: 7ate9 "a soulmate was a definitive thing. and a freezing soul only meant one thing: your soulmate doesn’t want you. and without their love, without their acceptance, you’ll die. at first, buck didn’t realize why he was so cold. but it was true; because of this dumb lawsuit, eddie rejected him. buck would die. buck was dying. he was nothing to anyone. he’d fade away, freezing from the inside out, ice in his veins, in his soul. and no one would even care." word count: 16k rating: teen and up important tags: grief/mourning, post-lawsuit (s3), angst, hurt!evan buckley, emotional hurt/comfort, abandonment bark like you want it by: colonoscopys "the first time eddie diaz hears his soulmate’s voice, he hears him say damn, that’s a nice ass." word count: 7k rating: general audience important tags: crack treated seriously, different first meeting, buddie are captains stitch my soul by: r_holland "eddie diaz has never really put much stock into the concept of "fate". but after his marriage falls apart, he swears that he's not going to go against the universe again. he's going to find his soulmate. he's going to find evan. but then he meets buck, and all of his careful plans start coming apart at the seams." word count: 30k rating: mature important tags: idiots in love, miscommunication, getting together, pining say you were made to be mine by: elvensorceress "it's valentine's day 2018, and eddie saves a man from choking to death in the middle of a restaurant. it's only after the man is rushed away by paramedics that eddie realizes his hands are green. the man he saved is his soulmate. and he doesn't even know his name let alone how to find him." word count: 11k rating: teen and up important tags: different first meeting au, soulmate-identifying marks, mutual pining catch your breath by: dlanadhz "buck has been a firefighter long enough to know what it means when someone is throwing up flower petals. it means heartache and physical pain. it means almost certain death. he knows, of course. he just never thought it would happen to him." word count: 21k rating: teen and up important tags: hanahaki disease, supernatural illnesses, pining, angst, hurt!evan buckley fate, the universe, and something else by: writesmart "eddie's soulmate won't stop getting hurt and leaving marks across his body. buck's terrified of meeting his soulmate and seeing disappointment in their eyes. the two are love struck idiots who revolve around each other until they finally collide." word count: 13k rating: teen and up important tags: soulmate identifying marks, angst, self-worth issues, hurt/comfort in cicatrices amor by: annide "from the moment you are born, your existence is linked to your soulmate’s. every time you get a cut, a scrape, a bruise, it appears on their body, fading away after a few minutes. scars are shared forever, a lasting mark linking two people together. buck and eddie are soulmates, but are they ready for what it means?" word count: 26k rating: teen and up important tags: slow burn, mutual pining, hurt/comfort

[catherine-sketches]

I know in the original concept the creators imagined Viktor having both of his parents

But I can’t shake the image of a single mother from my mind (perhaps because there is so many single parents over here. Vander, Silco, Singed, Ximena, Jinx and Sevika to some extent)

Have you guys ever thought about Viktor’s mom?

Who was this woman? What was she like?

Who was this woman whose response to her baby coming to her saying that he wanted to go to the academy to learn is “say less baby” and make/buy him a academy uniform and probably instructed him to “fake it until he made it”?

Did she cross the bridge with him, fixed his brand new tie and, after kissing him in his forehead, in an accent thicker than his, reassured him by saying:

“When you’re going to change the world, don’t ask for permission”

She clearly had fate in his intelligence to send him there with only his cane, an uniform, a thought and a prayer

How much of her son is her doing? He is confident about his intelligence, sure in his capabilities as an scientist and engineer.

Was it her doing? Did she look at her very tiny boy with his twisted leg and think to herself “I’m going to encourage this passion! My baby will never doubt how smart he is even if he has none of the resources of topside!”

Were those same encouragements that backfired later as Viktor’s internalized ableism? After all, even his mother only valued his intelligence, so maybe…

Did she die before she could notice? Before she could grab him by his bony shoulders so much like her own and shake sense in to him? “My idiot boy, you are as precious to me as you always where. With or without your smarts I would love you regardless with all my heart”

Would she even say that? Or was the internalized ableism that Viktor displayed also present in his mother? Perhaps a even more explicit form of it maybe.

Was their condition genetic? Did Viktor learn to walk with a cane by copying what his mother did with hers?

Did she have a mind like his but never had the resources to chase her aspirations?

Did she want to be a scientist as well? An engineer? Perhaps a doctor even

Did she craft Viktor’s very first cane with half ass knowledge, some drift wood, blood, tears and all the love she could give since she could not afford the cane much less a doctor for her baby?

Did she know about Singed?

Did he tell her about the strange man he meet at the caves?

Viktor, does your mother know that you are creating drugs with a strange man in the fissures?

Where was your mom? Why were you all alone?

Her baby was alone, playing by himself with a tiny boat he made.

Was she at work? Did Viktor had to spend long periods of time alone as his mom was out trying to make the ends meet?

Was this job, possibly the mines, that made her prioritize encouraging his intellect instead of reaffirming to him that he is already enough? Something not out of malice but out of limited time together?

If you only see your baby every morning before work and every night after it how would you know that he is starting to believe himself broken and imperfect?

Did she get to know Singed? Did she approve of her son being his apprentice for a while? If she did what is wrong with her????

Was she like “any knowledge is good knowledge! Go and make some illegal drugs honey. Just come back home in time for dinner.” ?

Were she in another timeline, in another possibility, the Herald to Ximena’s Defender?

Is there a reality were she is the one to rise as machine infused in flesh because she expected the Talis boy to help save her son only to watch his face get plastered everywhere while her baby rotted in his shadow?

Did this version of you, mother of Viktor, become infuriated when that same Talis boy came to you with condolences in his lips and a clear broken heart with the weight of “if onlys” on his large shoulders when your baby succumbed to his illness?

Did that enrage you?

“YOU DONT GET TO MOUR MY VIKTOR! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT LET HIM DIE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP HIM, MAN OF PROGRESS, BUT INSTEAD YOU LET YOUR EGO INFLATE TO THE SIZE OF A ZEPPELIN WHILE MY BABY STRUGGLED TO BREATH ! ALL IN THE NAME OF THE PROFITS OF THE CITY THAT STOLE HIS BREATHE IN THE FIRST PLACE”

Did you rip your own heart of your ribs so you couldn’t feel this heart break no more? So you could have a clear mind as you vowed that your Glorious Evolution would make damn sure that no mother from Zaun would suffer the same fate?

Would you have loved Jayce as your son in law in any other circumstance?

Who were you mother of Heralds?

What’s your name?

[profoundbondfanfic]

Do you have any recommendations for fics in which Dean is a kindergarten teacher and Castiel has his child or children, if they are twins in Dean’s class?

Unfortunately, we don't remember anything exactly like that. But here are a few fics with Dean teaching Cas' kid/s, which might interest you.

A Fine Romance by DragonSgotenks (Explicit, 54k words)

Castiel was one of those Parents the other teachers referred to as a "hot mess" but Dean just thought he was hot, even if he did come off as kind of a dick sometimes. When an accident lands him in the ER Dean comes face to face with his biggest crush when he discovers Cas is his nurse. It seems like fate that he manages to strike up a friendship with the father of some of his favorite students. But with Castiel still bitter over the way his ex used him up and then left him with nothing but 3 young kids to raise on his own he may be guarding his heart with too much caution to let someone new in. Dean will have to find a way to thaw the ice around Cas' heart or risk letting his chance at happiness slip through his fingers.

Learning Curve by mtothedestiel (Explicit, 37k words)

Dean is a pre-school teacher and Castiel Novak is his new student's intriguing guardian. They both know the sacrifices that come with caring for others, but, over time, they learn what it means to want something for themselves.

Raising Kids, Finding Love - The Family Business by Mydestielbabies_67 (Explicit, 28k words)

Castiel Novak, an widowed omega, finds himself navigating the challenging role of being a single parent to his daughter, Claire. Struggling to balance parenting and life itself, Castiel's life takes an unexpected turn when his brother Gabriel encourages him to enroll his daughter in childcare. Reluctantly, Castiel agrees, not realizing that this decision would lead him down the path of friendship, love and self-discovery.

Start of Something Good by tricia_16 (Explicit, 184k words)

Dean Winchester is introduced to his new neighbor, Castiel, and his daughter, Claire, in an unexpected way. When an unlikely connection forms between Dean and Claire it also helps to push Castiel and Dean closer together. But Castiel has been hurt badly in the past and it's up to Dean to prove to Castiel that he can be trusted with both his daughter and his heart, even when outside sources try to make Castiel believe differently…

With Interest by everandanon (Explicit, 296k words)

Eighteen, bored, and not quite able to turn down the money, Cas agrees to an ill-advised bet, and Dean's heart isn't the only one that gets broken. Eleven years later, grieving his twin brother and struggling to take care of his niece, Cas finally returns home — only to meet Dean again and discover that the boy he left behind has grown up a lot. And now, Dean seems to have every intention of getting him back — with interest.

Not Cas' kids, but still includes Dean being an adorable teacher around children.

Duck Duck Boots by almaasi (Explicit, 92k words)

Castiel doesn’t do one-night stands. Once he hit forty, he figured his time was up, his life had pretty much come to a halt, and there was nobody out there for him. He lives in a cute little village, riding his bicycle between his vet clinic and his cottage; that’s his world, and he’s given up on expanding it. But in one last, desperate attempt to find someone, he contacts Rowena, the local witch, and asks her to summon his soulmate. Rowena brings a storm. The storm washes up a trio of ducklings, huddled for shelter inside the rainboots of the new-to-town kindergarten teacher (and retired motorcycle daredevil), Dean Winchester. Ducklings in hand, Dean seeks out Castiel’s veterinary expertise. Somehow, in a flustered, spontaneous burst of attraction, they spend the night together. And just like that, Castiel’s life starts again. With every passing week they become better friends, sharing deeper intimacies, caring for their duck babies as well as each other. But staying together requires taking risks which neither of them planned for. Dean’s risk puts him in extreme physical jeopardy. And Cas? He has to overcome fifteen years of emotional hurt, just to follow where Dean leads.

Standing Where the Lightning Strikes by Casloveshisfreckles

When Sam gets his life together and fucks off to live in a hippy-dippy self-sustainable commune in Costa Rica, Dean never considers following suit. That life isn’t for him. But after years of being away from his brother and withering his own life away at his monotonous, soul-sucking job, Dean finds himself caving to Sammy’s pleas, accepting a job offer he can’t refuse, and boarding a plane to the exotic island. It’s nothing like Dean could have ever imagined, full of vibrant life and color, foods he’s never heard of, and animals he’s never seen. It’s a tropical paradise… a paradise that becomes a hell of a lot more interesting when a dark haired, blue-eyed commune native catches his eye. After a rather upsetting first meeting with the grumpy stranger, Dean must continue to navigate life on the island, his new career as the school’s music teacher, and the ultimate feat of dislodging his foot from his very big mouth. With a community of characters as familiar as his brother and as wild as a capuchin monkey with a flair for mischief, Dean will discover that maybe it wasn’t just Sam’s life that needed a reboot. Still, the question remains; will Dean be able to win over Casa Nova’s most reclusive resident?

[ode2rin]

slowly yours

pairing. chigiri hyoma x gn!reader

content. 1.2k wc | part 2 of this one (it's chigiri's pov yey!) | idiot bffs finally into lovers | this is me trying to comfort chigiri lovers ;)

at the reckless age of 16, chigiri hyoma had come to understand that invisible lines existed. 

lines that, once crossed, could change everything. 

he had seen the consequences play out in novels, the heartache and longing that followed ill-fated confessions, imprinting upon him a cautiousness that would shape his actions. 

and usually, he loves lines that draw the thrill of victory. he relished the sensation of crossing finish lines with his unparalleled speed.

not this one, however. this one held stakes that were too high.

it was the line that separated friendship from something more, the delicate boundary that stood between him and the unspoken emotions that pulsed between you. 

would it upset you if he told you he knew?

he knew about all the times you stayed behind him, felt the weight of your quiet affections hanging in the air whenever you were together. your subtle gestures, stolen glances, and tender moments whispered of a connection that ran deeper than what you claim you two are. 

he knew about it. 

and yet, he hesitated. because he also knew what it meant to be in love with someone you call your best friend.

but as days turned into months and months into years, the line between friendship and something more blurred. chigiri couldn't help but wonder if his hesitation was costing him something greater. he yearned to bridge the gap, to pause for a moment and truly see you, to cross that line and explore the profound depths that lay beyond.

he had come so close, so very close.

until time stood still for chigiri hyoma, and everything went downhill from there.

“hyoma, please slow down. you will hurt yourself. the doctors said –”

“leave me alone,” chigiri's voice cut through the air, his stubbornness unwavering.

with every stride, his pace quickened, leaving you struggling to keep up. the worry in your voice went unheard as he pushed himself further.

“alright, i won't stop you,” you said, your voice tinged with a mix of desperation, “but let me be by your side. please, i need you to wait for me.”

the words left your lips in a pained and choked voice, as if you were begging him not just to slow down physically. 

for a brief moment, chigiri almost stopped in his own tracks, as if compelled to hold you, to acknowledge the depth of your plea, to hold your heart that has been breaking for him.

but he didn’t, not when he was drowning in his own sorrow from his now broken dreams. 

he can’t afford to cross no damn line, at that time. it wasn’t just right to be with you when he’s becoming half a soul.

he knew you’d understand; you always did. but he just can’t find the right words to articulate how hellish it felt to run faster than everyone else only to meet an edge of the cliff. his pain was his alone, something he couldn't burden you with.

and so, he looked away, even when he wanted nothing more than to let his eyes wander in yours. letting go of your hand that wasn’t even his to hold, yet.

it had been years since that aching chase, the echoes of your pleading voice still resonating in his memories. the image of you, determined and breathless, calling out his name with a mix of determination and yearning, remained etched in his mind.

but he couldn't help but think of himself as pathetic — for hoping that even after all those years, it would still be you and him in the end.

as the memories of that fateful chase played in chigiri's mind, he found himself transported to a different scene— the bustling stadium filled with cheering spectators. the air was electric with excitement, and the sound of the crowd echoed in his ears.

was he being greedy for wishing you were here?

it didn't matter if your cheers were swallowed by the surrounding multitude, drowning in the sea of sounds. you didn't even have to scream his name for your cheers to reach his heart. as long as you were there, watching him, nothing else mattered.

the stadium was filled with a frenzy of cheers and anticipation as chigiri stepped onto the field. his focus was on the game ahead, the adrenaline coursing through his veins, oblivious to the presence of a familiar figure in the crowd.

but fate, as it would have it, intervened.

chigiri's gaze met yours, and for a fleeting second, time seemed to stand still. in that instant, you could see a hint of recognition in his eyes—a spark of connection that transcended the noise and commotion around you.

it was as if the world fell away, leaving only the two of you locked in a silent exchange. 

in that shared moment, words became unnecessary.

because to him, in that one single profound glance, he swears your eyes look like coming home. and it’s everything he needs to know. 

he was damn well going to cross that line.

minutes turned into hours, and as the final whistle blew, marking the end of the match, chigiri's gaze sought yours once more. amidst the sea of unfamiliar faces, your familiar eyes were all that he could see.

and there you were, just as you had always been.

“hey there, striker.” 

“you came,” he whispered, surprise coloring his voice.

a soft smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you stepped closer, the distance between you diminishing. “of course i did,” you replied, your voice filled with warmth and a hint of self-deprecation. “i’m a bit late, though. you know me, i'm always a bit slow.”

chigiri's lips formed a gentle smile, a silent acknowledgement of the parallels that danced between past and present. “i know,” he murmured, his gaze never leaving yours.

in the midst of victory and the deafening cheers, neither of you could bring yourselves to look away.

with a mixture of trepidation and determination, you asked, “is it okay?” if i was late? if i was slow? if it took me time? 

all of these questions hung on your lips, but there was no need to voice them. something in your eyes told him that you weren't just referring to your late arrival to his game.

your eyes have always been so damn expressive, it’s hard to not know what you were thinking. it was as if your eyes held a language of their own, one that he longed to learn.

“it never bothered me. i could wait, if it's you i’m waiting for.”

the years of pining and longing were encapsulated in those simple words, their double meanings understood by both of you. 

“we have a lot of lost time to make up for,” you said, searching for reluctance in his expression.

he didn’t respond right away, instead, he started making his way towards you. with each step, the invisible lines that had held him back faded into insignificance. 

and now, he’s standing in front of you. chigiri hyoma was finally in front of you, facing your heart laid before his eyes.

and in that single, profound moment where your eyes finally met, the weight of unspoken words melted away. the stadium faded into the background, and it was just the two of you, suspended in time.

“no need to rush. we have all the time…” he reassured, his voice steady and brimming with a gentle warmth.

softly smiling at you, he continued, “we'll take it your way, we'll take it slow.”

note. maybe i got a bit carried away w these friends/bffs to lovers trope all around my fyp and decided to fool around to make this, it's not the best but i really love pinning :( and wanted to write something abt it :( this wasn't proofread at all pls tolerate my laziness (also also i was listening to gold rush and run by ts for thisss)

to that anon, here you go!

[pxnsneverland]

Ruthless Grace | Austin Butler x OC (part 2)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

plot summary: Amidst the grime and squalor of Victorian England's winding cobblestone alleys, a young woman's life hangs precariously in the balance. Violet, a poor peasant girl with long raven locks and piercing gray eyes, possesses a haunting beauty that belies the harsh realities of her existence. Tragedy struck two years prior when Violet's mother succumbed to illness, leaving her to fend for herself and her father – a cruel, selfish man consumed by vices of alcohol and gambling. On one fateful night, Violet's father drags her unwillingly to that very den of iniquity, and there she learns a horrifying truth from the club's greedy, perverted owner: to repay his mounting gambling debts, her father has sold her into sexual servitude. Violet's vehement protests fall on deaf ears, until an unlikely savior emerges from the shadows. Lord Austin Butler intervenes with a bargain of his own. This dangerous man offers to pay off Violet's father's debts in exchange for her accompaniment, and Violet is torn from the only life she has known. While Austin's demeanor remains shrouded in mystery and detachment at first, Violet gradually glimpses his softer, even playful side as time passes within the manor's walls and an unexpected connection blossoms between the unlikely pair.

pairings: austin butler x oc

word count: 3,025

warnings/notes: Still kind of an introductory/background chapter. But Austin does get introduced in this one :)

Chapter 2: An Unwelcome Visitor

One particularly bleak morning brought more than typical London drizzle; it brought Mr. Henry Cartwright—or 'Rat,' as he was aptly nicknamed—slinking through the narrow, cobbled streets towards their humble abode. His arrival was never without dread; his shadow seemed to cast a pall over whatever it touched, and today, its reach felt more chilling than usual. Violet watched from behind the partially closed door as this man who held her fate in his greasy palms approached. She could see the false smile plastered on his face, a grimace disguised as a greeting.

“Miss Everly,” Henry Cartwright began, his voice smooth like oil, but with an edge that hinted at the impatience beneath. “Your father has failed to meet his obligations again. And here I find myself, contemplating what measures to take to assure his... cooperation.”

Violet’s heart sank. She knew too well what this meant: further debts, more threats, or worse—actualization of those threats. The room felt colder as he stepped inside, the door closing behind him with a definitive thud.

“I have no money to give you, Mr. Cartwright,” Violet said quietly, her gaze steady despite the fear gnawing at her insides. Her voice carried a defiance born not of hope but of resignation to whatever might come next.

Cartwright chuckled darkly, pacing slowly around the sparse room as if appraising it for valuables that did not exist. "Ah, but my dear," he sneered, eyes glinting with a cruel amusement as he stopped to face her, "it's not your money I'm after. You must understand, the debts of your father have grown too substantial to be ignored any longer."

Violet felt the walls close in, the weight of her impending doom pressing down on her shoulders. The silence that followed was suffocating, broken only by the distant sound of a horse-drawn cart rattling over cobblestones outside. Henry Cartwright's gaze was like a vise, tightening with every second she remained silent.

"You see, Miss Everly," Rat continued, his voice dropping to a menacing whisper as he leaned closer, "your father's ineptitude has forced my hand. There's a certain... clientele at my club who would pay handsomely for the company of someone as rare and beautiful as you. It would certainly settle his accounts... and maybe even leave some over for your own keep."

Violet recoiled as if struck. The very air around her seemed to thicken with revulsion. Her mind raced, desperate for an escape from this nightmare, but her body felt frozen, ensnared by the horrifying reality of Rat's proposition. Rat's smirk widened as he observed her horror, taking perverse pleasure in the power he wielded over her. Violet's heart pounded mercilessly against her ribcage, each beat a drum of panic. Yet, amidst the terror, a spark of her indomitable spirit flickered to life.

"No," she whispered, the word barely audible yet loaded with all the conviction she could muster. Rat paused, his expression shifting to one of surprise and then quickly to anger.

"What did you say?" he hissed, stepping closer.

Violet straightened up, her gray eyes hardening like flint. "I said no." Her voice gained strength from somewhere deep within her, a place untouched by fear or despair. "I am not a coin to be traded at your whim."

Rat laughed, a cold, humorless sound. "You might think you have a choice in this matter, Miss Everly, but let me assure you — you do not. This is not just your fate but also a solution to your father’s incompetence."

"I would rather die than live at the mercy of your vile desires," Violet retorted, her defiance lighting up her gaunt features.

The amusement on Rat’s face vanished, replaced by a menacing scowl. "Be careful, young lady. You are in no position to issue threats. Remember, I can make your life exceedingly difficult."

Violet's resolve did not falter, though her heart trembled within her chest. She knew the danger of antagonizing a man like Rat, but the thought of subjugation under his control was more terrifying than any threat he could utter.

"Then you shall have to do what you must," Violet said, her voice steady, though inside she felt like a fragile bird in a storm.

Rat's eyes narrowed, his lips twisting into a cruel sneer. "Very well, Miss Everly. Since you choose defiance, expect no mercy from me." With those chilling words, he turned on his heel and strode towards the door, each step heavy with menace.

As the door slammed shut behind him, Violet slumped against the wall, her legs weak with relief and fear. Tears threatened to spill over — not merely from fright but also from a deep-seated rage against the injustice of her plight and the depravity of men like Rat. In the silence that followed Rat's departure, the small, dimly lit room felt both sanctuary and prison. Violet's breaths came in ragged gasps, each one a battle against the despair that threatened to engulf her. Her father, who had been silent during the entire confrontation, now looked at her with a mix of bewilderment and indifference. His gaze was glazed, numbed by alcohol and years of moral decay.

"Violet, you shouldn't have spoken to him like that," he slurred, his voice barely rising above a whisper. "You've just made things worse for us."

Violet turned to face her father, her expression wrought with a mixture of pain and defiance. "Made things worse? How, Father? By refusing to be sold like property?" Her voice trembled from the intense emotion that churned within her, but her stance was resolute. "No, Father, it is you who have made things worse with your recklessness."

Edward Everly shuffled uncomfortably, his bloodshot eyes avoiding her piercing gaze. "You don't understand, Violet.”

"That does not excuse you from your vices!" Violet's words cut through the dim room like a blade. The very air seemed charged with her fury, an electric tension that made even Edward shift uneasily on his feet.

Edward's gaze shifted again, landing on the grimy window pane as if seeking an escape from Violet’s searing condemnation. “You think it’s easy? Surviving in this godforsaken place?” His voice cracked, an unusual display of emotion from a man she knew more as a figure of stubborn indifference and cruelty.

“Survival does not necessitate the selling of one’s soul,” Violet retorted sharply, her eyes never leaving his face despite the sting of tears that blurred her vision.

A shadow passed over Edward’s face—a flicker of guilt, perhaps, or merely resentment at being challenged. “You don’t know the burdens I carry,” he muttered, turning away from her piercing eyes.

Violet felt a momentary pang of pity for the man who had once been her protector, before quickly steeling her heart against it. "And you, Father, have never understood the burden of your actions on others," she replied softly, yet with a steeliness that surprised even her.

The tension between them stretched taut as a bowstring. Edward stood, his jaw clenched, the veins in his neck bulging with suppressed rage. The flickering candlelight cast eerie shadows on his face, making him look more monster than man. Abruptly, he grabbed his coat from the hook by the door and yanked it on with jerky movements.

"Where are you going?" Violet asked, her voice steady despite the fear that gripped her heart.

"To settle things with Rat," Edward growled, his words slurring together as he struggled to maintain control over his enflamed emotions.

Without waiting for a response, Edward stumbled out of the room, his heavy boots echoing against the wooden floorboards. Violet watched him go, a whirlwind of emotions churning within her. Fear for what her father might do in his drunken state mixed with fury at his betrayal and sadness for the broken shell of a man he had become.

Left alone, Violet’s thoughts raced as she pondered her next move. The walls of the dank room felt like they were closing in on her, each shadow playing tricks on her eyes as if mocking her plight. She knew that standing up to Rat had probably only bought her a brief reprieve. Men like him did not take defiance lightly, and she had no illusions about the lengths to which he would go to assert his control.

The sound of raucous laughter and clinking glasses from down below reminded her of where she was — in the bowels of a club. Rising to her feet, she wiped the tears from her cheeks, refusing to allow them any further claim on her spirit. With quiet steps, she went down the stairs and approached the door that led into the club.

********************

The dimly lit back room of the club was thick with the smell of stale beer and tobacco smoke, a miasma that clung to every surface as obstinately as the patrons clung to their vices. Violet's heart hammered in her chest, each beat a loud echo in her ears that seemed to drown out the low murmur of conversation around her. She stood stiffly beside her father, her fingers clenched tightly around the fabric of her worn skirt. Rat sat behind a cluttered desk covered in papers and empty glasses, his beady eyes appraising Violet like a merchant assessing a piece of merchandise. Edward shifted uncomfortably beside her, his gaze avoiding hers.

"Ah, the gem of the night," Rat exclaimed with a greasy smile, his voice dripping with feigned delight.

Violet felt a shiver course through her spine at his words, her skin crawling under the weight of his gaze. She remained silent, her lips pressed into a thin line, as Rat stood and circled around the desk with the predatory grace of a vulture swooping down on its prey. He stopped inches from her, his fetid breath brushing against her face as he leaned in close.

"You'll do nicely," he murmured, his eyes gleaming with unwholesome anticipation. Violet recoiled instinctively, but Rat's hand shot out, gripping her chin with a firmness that made escape impossible.

“Get your hands off of me,” Violet spat struggling to keep her eyes locked on his. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her weak.

Rat snickered roughly letting go of her chin. “You’ve got fire. I’ll be sure to do something about that quickly.”

“What are you talking about?” Violet raised a brow.

Edward's laugh, a hollow sound devoid of any paternal warmth, grated on her nerves. "Now, now, Violet, be good," he chided, his words slurred slightly as he took another swig from the bottle he had managed to procure upon their arrival.

Rat's chuckle was low and menacing as he turned his attention back to Violet's father. "Edward, you've truly outdone yourself this time," he sneered, eyeing Violet like a hawk regarding its next meal. His voice lowered into a conspiratorial whisper, though loud enough for Violet to overhear. "Remember our agreement. She's mine until the debts are squared away."

Violet felt her blood run cold at his words, the finality of her situation crashing down around her like the walls of a decrepit house succumbing to its own decay. A surge of panic threatened to overwhelm her, but she quashed it quickly, her instinct for survival sharpening her focus. She needed to think, to plan, not simply react.

"Never," she breathed, her voice trembling not from fear, but from a fierce resolve that took even her by surprise. Violet turned sharply to face her father, stepping forward so that they were eye-to-eye, forcing him to confront the reality of what he had done. "How could you?" The accusation was more than a question; it was a denouncement of every moment of neglect and abuse she had suffered under his care.

Edward, his face a mixture of inebriated confusion and dim irritation, tried to formulate a response, a pathetic attempt at justification hanging limply between them. "It's all for the best," he stuttered, his eyes not meeting hers. "You'll have food and—a roof."

Violet's laugh was bitter, laced with incredulity and contempt. "A roof? A cage, more like," she retorted sharply, her anger giving her voice a steely edge. "You barter away your flesh and blood for a few coins to squander on your vices. You are less than a man."

Edward's face reddened, his eyes briefly flashing with something that might have been shame, but it was quickly drowned out by a resurgence of his habitual defiance. "You don't understand the pressures I'm under!" he shouted back, his voice rising over the din of the club.

"I understand perfectly," Violet countered coldly. "I understand that you are a coward, Father. A coward who would sell his daughter to shield himself from his own failures."

The room seemed to hold its breath, the usual cacophony momentarily subdued as patrons turned to witness the spectacle unfolding. Rat, sensing the shift in atmosphere, clapped his hands with mock cheerfulness. "Enough of this family drama," he interjected smoothly, his tone brooking no argument. "Violet, you are now under my care. Edward, you know the terms. Don't make this uglier than it needs to be."

With a disdainful glance at her father, Violet pulled her arm free from his grasp and took a step back, distancing herself both physically and emotionally. Her heart pounded fiercely against her ribcage, each thud resonating with the resolve that hardened in her eyes. She wouldn't let despair consume her; she would fight, somehow.

“Now, Now, Cartwright,” came a voice that belonged to a hooded figure seated near them at the opposite table. “You should know better than to do your dastardly deeds in the open.” The figure removed his hood revealing a young man with blue eyes and blonde hair that flickered in the candlelight.

Rat sneered. “Lord Butler. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Stay tuned for part 3!! Click HERE to view!

[kurogxrix]

Too close to the stars

Tsu’tey x Sully!Avatar!reader

IN WHICH Tsu’tey was scared of committing to you after the fall of sylwanin, afraid that he’ll only end up using you to tend to his broken heart. Only for him to watch you now with your new mate.

based on reflections by NBHD

Warnings: mentions of sex, ANGST, unrequited love.

we were too close to the stars,

Freshly turned 18, you were allowed to accompany the rest of the ex-marines, soldiers and scientists to the wonderlands of Pandora. You remember the first steps that you had taken in your avatar, slightly wobbly on your new legs.

An avatar had rudely pushed past you, nearly knocking you off your feet as a few scientists began rushing after them. You swiftly turned your head towards the troublemaker, only to be met with the sight of your brother.

You were happy for him, so happy that he could feel what it’s like to walk on both legs again. Visibly it made him happy too, so happy that he felt the need to cause all sorts of troubles here and there. You always had to be the one to reprimand him, if Neytiri didn’t get to him first. 

Talking about Neytiri, when you had discovered his affiliation with the woman, you were more than shocked. Your dear brother, nothing more than a mere avatar undercover, was messing with the chief's daughter. You had warned him about being careful, about what would happen when the clan would find out who he really was. 

He had brushed you off in his in-love trance, too smitten by the woman to care at the moment. Unlike Jake, you were no soldier. Just a xenobotagist that would accompany your brother and his mate here and there. You had been there in the village with him when he had been discovered by Neytiri. 

You remember your first meeting with the man. You wished that you could’ve met him under better circumstances than under the harsh eyes of the omaticaya. Though he probably would’ve killed you if he had met you in the forest like Neytiri had tried to. You doubt that he would’ve cared about the All-Mother’s sign, because you were just a sky demon after all.

At first he was ill-mannered and discourteous while you were thrilled and bold. The fact that you were so energetic and a little trouble magnet like your brother was what got mostly on his nerves. He couldn’t stand being close to you, because you always managed to get in trouble that he had to save you from.

You went hunting? you somewhat managed to get chased by a palulukan. You were observing the Pandoran flora? somehow you had managed to stir every single animal in the zone by playing with the Helicoradians. 

You could understand why he would hate you at first. You had heard the stories of Neytiri’s late sister that had passed in the hands of humans. Sylwanin was her name, and she was Tsu’tey’s old lover. That’s why he had been so hostile towards you both when you had been brought into the village. Plus the fact that your brother Jake had literally stolen his title of Olo’eyktan plus the woman that he was supposed to be mated to.

He didn’t mind Neytiri being mated to another, for he did not love her like this. He saw Neytiri as a sister, a sister that she was supposed to be to him after he was to be mated to Sylwanin. But Eywa had decided her fate, and now he was ridden of everything because of you Sullies.

Even though he hated you with all of his guts, you couldn’t help but feel your heart soaring for the man. Soon you began to follow him around like a lost puppy, following him whenever you had the chance to. He thought it was pathetic, the way that you would stick to him like your life depended on it. 

He was sure to make fun of you for it, calling you a leech at every opportunity. He teased you for everything. The way you held your bow, the way you could only manage to catch 3 fish during a hunt, the way you were barely stable on your own feet when you were around him. 

Neytiri was not blind, she could clearly see through you. It wasn’t like you ever were a secretive or close off person anyways. She had warned you too many times not to get associated with the man, because he would just break your heart in the end.

But you were too smitten by him to care, something that clearly ran through the Sully genes apparently. She sighed as you ignored her warnings, and she could only wish that Tsu’tey would treat you well.

Nevertheless, the more time went by, the more Tsu’tey and you grew closer. He didn’t fail to notice your lingering touches or the subtle comments that you would throw his way, so he began teasing you back.

Soon enough, the both of you begin spending more and more time together. And your silly crush on the man only grew stronger. 

I never knew somebody like you, somebody, 

Your eyes burnt as you forced them open, being directly blinded by the sun rays that invaded your vision. You brought a hand up to rub the grogginess from your eyes, moving your whole arm to hide your eyes from the harsh sun. Before your arm could reach the front of your face, you felt your elbow hit something, or someone, that was lying beside you.

You turned around just to be met with the sight of Tsu’tey’s bareback. His muscles braced even in his relaxed state, his toned back being the product of his unrelenting training. The loincloth that was wrapped around his waist was the only thing able to contain his modesty now, and you suddenly remembered all of yesterday night’s events.

You had slept with the omaticaya’s strongest soldier, without even being mated to him. You knew that there was nothing wrong with experimenting with other na’vis whilst not being mated, but you just wished that Tsu’tey could be a little more intimate. 

He had fucked you sensessly yesterday just past eclipse, and you could feel the repercussions of his harsh grip now all over your body. His body was still intact of any marks or hickeys that you would have inflicted, because he hadn’t let you. He had barely even let you touch him while he was ramming deep inside of you, and not a single kiss had he given you.

You twisted and turned at the fact that maybe he was using you but you were so blinded by your adoration that you couldn’t have noticed it until now. You felt your throat tighten at the thought of the man you loved so much using you to get over the woman that he loved. It was too obvious at this point. 

Eywa, he was laying so far away from you and his back was literally turned towards you. You felt cold in your lone spot and you could only wish to be engulfed by his strong arms in his protective embrace.

Though you knew that he would never reserve that for you, that there would ever only be one woman on the planet that he would wish to be this intimate with. You knew of his undying love towards Sylwaning, but you just couldn’t help but selfishly want to be treated by him as he would’ve treated her. 

The embarrassment of the previous night was only starting to take a toll on you as you stood up from your spot. You were careful not to step on any stray branches because you didn’t want him to catch you in the act of running off. You felt so humiliated at the way he had rejected your kiss yesterday, and you felt like your heart was getting stomped over as your mind could only replay that scene.  

Your long legs had quickly taken you away from the scene and into the cool river currents. The water washed away every single impurity from your mind as you allowed yourself to get lost with the flow. Your clothes were long gone and abandoned by the shore, and you scrubbed your skin hard in order to feel clean off his touch. 

Your moment of peace however was quick to be disturbed as you heard the water sloshing behind you, then the sound of soft material getting thrown from a distance to the shore. You were scared to turn around and face him, because you feared what his words to you would have been.

You were like the sun and Tsu’tey was like the moon. You both knew that you should’ve never crossed paths because they were not destined for each other. Somehow, you had managed to meet upon eclipse, and you cursed your luck for having met him there. 

“Why have you run off this morning?” you heard from his deep voice, still somewhat hoarse from waking up just recently. “You’re not very slick y’know, your footsteps are louder than those of the palulukan!” he sneered, laughing at you despite your back still turning to him. Your ears flickered as you heard the water sloshing getting closer to you, so you turned around to meet him finally.

The river was not that deep, so in your tall avatar form, the water reached just beneath your torso. You breasts were floating just atop of the water but you did not care if he saw, for he had already seen yesterday. You ignored his teasing, instead focusing on your own question that you had to ask.

“Why didn’t you let me kiss you yesterday?” you nagged him, and Tsu’tey audibly groaned at your question. His reaction made your heart sink all the way down towards the bottom of the river, but that visibly didn’t stop him. He wanted to hurt you until it sunk further than Pandora’s core. 

“It felt too intimate,” he blurted out, his eyes staring straight into your amber ones. You couldn’t hide the mixture of sadness and embarrassment that overtook your features at his confession. “People who aren’t together still kiss, is it so wrong if we do it too?” 

“Yes it is, because it is with you!” he growled, irritation flowing through him like the river’s current. His eyebrow bones creased at your complaining. Didn’t fucking you dumb feel personal enough for you? He just didn’t understand you. 

You stood silent before him as he had ripped all words out of your mouth. Your heart ached at what he had just uttered at you. You were the problem in this whole thing apparently, he didn’t want anything to do with you specifically. You turned around from him, your drenched hair sticking to your back as you resumed your scrubbing. The both of you ignored each other’s presence until your reappearance at the village, and you were sure that your brother’s tent was the first you would run to for comfort. 

fallin’ just as hard,

Soon he found himself falling just as hard for you as you had done for him. Despite every hurtful word that he had uttered to you, you still managed to make his heart beat faster each time you would appear in front of him. The sound of your voice sent shivers spiralling down his spine, and his tail swaggered excitedly everything he would pick up on your distant voice. 

Goosebumps raised on his skin when you would touch him, and lord did you do things to his body. Though he failed to notice you faded away slowly by slowly. He failed to notice the way your eyes were turnt to another, a man that valued you for who you were. A man that would make you feel loved in every sort of way.

He was way too head over heels to notice your longing stares at any other man that was not him. How your time spent with him would decrease but his affiliation for you would only increase. He knew that you liked him. Well, at some point you did. So he completely overlooked the signs of you moving on for the better. 

Tsu’tey couldn’t help but feel guilty on some days, because he felt like he was using you to get over Sylwanin. Then on some day he felt like he was betraying his first love for feeling things for another woman. But he simply pushed the thoughts aways, instead he focused on how he would ask you to make things official…

i’d rather lose somebody than use somebody,

You were finally one of the people now. Having passed through the eye of Eywa and back, you and Jake were now real na’vi’s. Well real na’vis with 5 fingers and hairy eyebrows, but still na’vis for sure.

The war between the na’vi and humans had passed, and the betrayal that your brother had caused upon the omaticaya was now forgiven. You all raised a hand as you celebrated your big brother’s betrothal. He was now officially Olo’eyktan, after the unfortunate fall of Eytukan during the war. 

The home tree had perished upon the hands of the humans, but Jake was here to give them hope, and a new home. Talking about hope, the clan rejoiced upon Neytiri’s pregnancy news. She was your sister now, so she loved you like one. When you had heard of her bearing soon after the war, you were not afraid of showing your fondness towards your family. You were so happy to soon be an aunt, and you were sure that you would be the one to spoil the hell out of that baby. 

You had learnt of this when Mo’at had announced Neytiri’s bearing, and the whole clan rejoiced in front of a good meal all together. You smiled warmly as you watched your brother’s content form, rejoiced by the news that he was going to be a father.

You were happy that he had ended up with a woman such as Neytiri. She was caring and a strong woman overall. She was not the Tashik and Olo’eyktan’s daughter for nothing after all. You saw how she took care of her little family, soon to be expanded. 

Tsu’tey watched as the clan gathered their meals as another feast was taking place tonight. The slightly showing Neytiri and Jake both sat on the floor before a huge campfire. Everyone was gathered around the bonfire to feast upon the news of the new mated pair. The omaticaya took new pairs and pregnancies very seriously, because it would mean that the clan would soon extend.

He smiled fondly as he watched you from afar, trying to tie your heavy necklace as you readid yourself for tonight. The night was full of laughter, dances and Ninat’s beautiful singing. He watched with adoration as you looked so beautiful tonight. You had gotten your hair rebraided yesterday and you wore your new clothes that your sister-in-law Neytiri had gifted you. 

His smile faded as a pair of hands made their way towards yours, grabbing the ends of the necklace to tie it themselves. Tsu’tey watched with a frown as you turn around to meet whoever was there, throwing your arms around their neck as you embraced them. Oh and how much he wished it was him.

But it was not and he had to watch as you fell in love with another. Ziwe was his name and was a young na’vi amongst the omaticaya. He was an equally strong warrior and his body was graced with toned muscles. 

You were happy with him, so, so visibly happy. The smile on your face couldn’t even describe how elated you felt with the warrior, and his mirroring one told Tsu’tey that he felt the same. He knew that he shouldn’t feel this way upon the sight of you, because he was the cause of your relationship’s downfall. 

He was the one that would overwhelm you with his harsh words, and the same person that drove you away slowly by slowly. Ziwe was there to pick up the pieces, slowly glueing the pieces of your broken heart day by day. Jake was happy that you had finally found someone, because he was the one you would always confide in after an argument with Tsu’tey. 

He knew how much you once loved the man, and how brash he was with his dislike. How badly he treated you because he just couldn’t move on from what had happened in the past. Though Jake was always good at reading people, being the one to always see past your phases as children. 

He saw past the warrior's cold mask, he saw a man that failed to express himself to the woman he now loved. Though he never told you, because he knew that Tsu’tey deserved no chance with you. You came back home to Neytiri and him with tear stained cheeks too many times for him to care about the man’s feelings.

Now Tsu’tey could not blame you for moving on, for mating with another man that was not him. He knows that she should’ve been happy for you, but he can’t bring himself to. His heart falters on this day, this day of celebration where the both of you would finally move in together. Then you’d build a family with him, and soon enough he’d be nothing more than the past.

For he was already a past thing in your life. He was someone that had taught you love and pain. He wishes that he could look at you for one last time in your eyes, to see the reflection of the both of you dancing happily one last time. 

-

This is acc unedited so I’m sorry if it makes no sense.

[tokoyamisstuff]

gn! Reader | not proofread | angst | happy end

A/N: Did Headcanons since my askbox is overflowing at this point thank you, I love creating for you guys!! 💌

No one's sure what evil might attacked the Judas Priest, but even his abilities have their limit. He can't withstand anything.

You haven't left Anderson's side ever since the incident. He's been unresponsive for days already, and you insist to care for him all by yourself. Reading to him, praying, tending to his wounds.

By the end of the week you're still there, holding his hand as you pour your heart out, crying about needing him to come back and how you can't live without him. Finally, he begins to move, but your relief won't last for long.

Before you can even register it you're tackled to the ground with a bayonet pressed against your throat, furious eyes staring you down.

You try to reason with your boyfriend, tell him he's ill and confused and you don't want to hurt him, but any word of yours is deflected by spiteful insults and accusations.

The shock sits too deep for you to defend yourself, but gladly Heinkel and Yumie notice the turmoil and come to your aid. It's only due to his weakened state that they manage to tear him off of you, yet he continues hurling vile threats at you in his demented wrath.

There's not much left but fleeing the scene, heart scattering as you hear him scream after you, ordering his foster kids to let go off of him so he can "slaughter this abomination". You never thought to hear such words coming out of his mouth ever again.

He only calms down after the Vatican officials confirm their explanation. Yet it remains absurd to him, he refuses to believe that he willingly fraternized with a rotten monster like you are one, even bringing it back home to lurk among innocents. Sacrilege.

Whatever led him to such shameful deeds, god must've given him a second chance to correct this mistake through this twist of fate.

He tries to rationalize the decisions he cannot remember, to repel everything that feels like an entirely different person has committed it. Yes, certainly he was under a spell this whole time and only now it was broken! How could the others not see, why did no one stop him - worse, even allowed it to happen?

Nonetheless, you were an official member of Iscariot as it seems, so his hands are tied for now if he doesn't want to face repercussions. But having an enemy right in front of his nose and being unable to cleanse the world off of this filth only further feeds into his anger and madness.

You on the other hand remain heartbroken and even slightly terrified of your former lover, feeling his vicious bloodlust oozing off of him whenever you meet. Which is quite often, frankly, with him always observing you from afar.

The more he learns, the more this whole situation enrages him. He sees his room full of your belongings, photos that prove how far your enticement had defiled him. He tears it all off the walls in a fit of rage, throws everything he didn't destroy out, yet Yumie stored it away safely shall he want it back someday.

What's worse is that while his mind can't remember, his body certainly does. He can still feel your touch lingering on him like something not even holy water could cleanse, the sound of your voice like a siren and your scent lingering everywhere driving him insane. His body reacts against his will, being drawn to you no matter what.

He's disgusted just looking at you, seeing that beautiful face as nothing more than the alluring mask of a predator. You can act innocent all you want, but he's certain to know what you really are...and he'll make anyone else see the truth as well.

Even though it's hard, you try to avoid him as good as you can, no matter how much you yearn for things to go back to normal. Nothing had seemed to work until now and you seriously consider just leaving this life behind alltogether. Being so close yet so far away was torture...

One night he sees you carrying a young child through the hallway, calming the boy down after a nightmare. Yet his blinding hatred twists logic into thinking the kid in danger. He practically tears the boy out of your arms as he cries and pleads to stay with you, making you finally snap.

You order the kid back to his room and punch Anderson's face so hard that he loses a teeth that instantly regrows - yelling at him to just put an end to your misery if he really wants things to end this way. He doesn't, he can't.

After that encounter he's even more shaken up than before, and not knowing what else to do he finds himself rummaging through your belongings. He had thrown it all into a box and disposed of it without looking at anyhting first back then, but gladly Yumie didn't ask any questions as he wanted them back.

There's small gifts inside like a handmade rosary, books he cannot remember having read, an incredibly ugly shirt that said 'fluent in prayers and dad-jokes'...and a photo of you two in front of the cologne cathedral. It's dated two years back, and there's something scribbled on the back in his own handwriting: "I have found the one whom my soul loves." (Song of Solomon 3:4) The longer he looks at it, the more painful his guts twist. He seems so...sincerely happy back then. Unlike the miserable wretch he is now.

At this point it's more a mental block than anything, and it's up to Anderson to overcome his own bigotry and allow himself to break down those walls.

Soon after Maxwell has the glorious idea of assigning you two to the same mission so you'd at least find some common ground again. It'll be the most awkward travel you've ever been through, but at least he's quiet for a change. Truth be told he's not in any state to argue, being far too busy ignoring his resurfacing affection for you despite still not remembering a thing. Seems like some things are just predetermined.

Just before diving into the actual fight you pray besides each other, and Anderson breaks the silence with a heartfelt apology for his behavior and a promise to make up for the sorrow he caused you. He doesn't voice all of his thoughts, but deep inside he hopes that maybe the two of you can become close once again, even if he never remembers.

During the battle however the enemy got you cornered, and upon witnessing you getting seriously injured Anderson sees red. He comes to your aid, slaying himself through to you while catching several bullets in the process. It's not the first time this has happened, and as soon as you're safe he murmurs the words he always reassured you with in the past: "We've got each other's back."

It won't be like in the movies, with that one big moment instantly healing him, but almost losing you certainly got the process starting. He'd fall to his knees and give you a bear hug, his mind still foggy yet some memories slowly returning.

From then on you'll recapture everything together, dwelling in old memories of your relationship through evidence or long conversations. Things will take a while, but no matter how contradicting his actions were, Anderson had never really stopped being yours. His heart is always only ever roaring your name.

[vampireimiko]

Neuvillette and gn! reader, they became a couple but by chance of fate they broke up, reader after a long time returned to Fontaine and saw Neuvillette again, and even though they both tried to hide it, they both still felt something for the other OEJTOEJTJIS.

Echoes of Memories

warnings, NONE !!

note, ill def be up to make a part two to this if people want it😭 BUT OMGNNGNGNG this is my first time writing something semi deep and actually the longest i've written something so 🤑

"Y/N?" The sound of your name sliced through the cocoon of your thoughts, abruptly pulling you back to the bustling reality of the café. With a reflexive start, your eyes lifted from your table to meet the gaze of none other than Neuvillette. A gasp involuntarily escaped your lips, and you felt your words stumble into fragments, caught off guard by the unexpected encounter. The sight of Neuvillette sent a flurry of emotions coursing through you, ones you had carefully tucked away in the recesses of your heart.

In all honesty, the last person you anticipated encountering upon your return to Fontaine was Neuvillette. Your intention had been to enter and exit the city swiftly, without unwrapping the layers of the past that lay dormant within its cobblestone streets and pristine waters. The mere thought of facing Neuvillette again was a surge of conflicting desires — the longing to reconnect, coupled with the determination to keep your distance.

It had been exactly 3 years and 7 months since you'd stepped a foot inside of Fontaine. 3 years and 7 months that you hadn't seen Neuvillette. You and Neuvillette were broken up, reason being, you wanted to focus more on your education and Neuvillette, being the Chief Justice, he couldn't leave Fontaine. You both decided a breakup would be best, instead of having to travel through the Desert or Liyue to continuously visit back.

It ended on good terms, but you couldn't deny the hurt that came with it. Every once in a while, you'd reminiscence about the relationship you had with Neuvillette and what you two could've been to this day, had you not gone to pursue your studies.

Neuvillette had always been the pillar of justice and order in Fontaine, and you admired his dedication to his role. The two of you had dreamed of a future together, balancing your aspirations with his responsibilities. But life had taken you on a different path, one that led you away from Fontaine's enchanting waters and into the world of akademiya.

Returning to Fontaine now, a swirl of emotions engulfed you. The city's charm felt both familiar and foreign, just as Neuvillette himself might. What had changed during your absence? How had time sculpted the lines of his face and the contours of his heart? The thought of seeing him again ignited a blend of excitement and anxiety within you.

As you navigated through the streets, memories came alive around every corner—where you first met, the park where you shared secrets, and the café where you both reveled in each other's company. The weight of your decision to prioritize your education remained, but so did the undeniable connection you had with Neuvillette.

Truth is, you hoped you ran into Neuvillette but at the same time, you didn't. But back to the present now, that wish and semi- nightmare came true.

"I- Hello Neuvillette," you managed to utter, your voice carrying a mixture of sheepishness and a nervous yet giddy smile that tugged at the corners of your lips. Your fingers instinctively found solace in the back of your neck, as if the touch could somehow alleviate the rapid heartbeat that had taken residence there.

Neuvillette's presence before you was both unchanged and subtly transformed. The years had lent an air of maturity to his already commanding stature. His tall figure still held that aura of authority you remembered, but now there was a new layer to him, a depth that seemed to have emerged from the trials and responsibilities he'd shouldered. The way he stood, his posture both confident and welcoming, suggested that time hadn't eroded the essence of his character.

For a moment, the café and its bustling patrons faded into the periphery. It was as if the world had narrowed down to the two of you, existing within a suspended breath, a heartbeat's pause between the fragments of the past and the possibilities of the present.

"I didn't expect to see you here," Neuvillette replied, his voice a warm current that mingled with the ambient sounds of the café. A smile played at the corners of his lips, a hint of nostalgia dancing in his eyes. "Fontaine seems to have a way of bringing back memories, doesn't it?"

The familiarity in his words, the resonance of shared experiences, eased the tension that had clenched your shoulders. The weight of unspoken conversations and unfinished narratives seemed to hang in the air between you, waiting to be acknowledged.

You found yourself nodding, the nervous energy gradually giving way to a sense of connection that bridged the years. "Yes, it certainly does. It's... It's been a while."

A subtle yet understanding smile curved Neuvillette's lips. "Indeed, it has." He paused, his gaze holding yours. "I hope these years have treated you well."

A swirl of emotions churned within you. Gratitude for the experiences you'd gained, curiosity about the path he'd walked, and the undeniable longing to rediscover the threads that had once woven your hearts together.

"They have," you replied softly, the words carrying the weight of unspoken stories.

Now, after this encounter you decided to stay in Fontaine for just a bit longer. You swore it wasn't just because of some tall long haired fella. As the days past you could feel the feelings you suppressed for Neuvillette grow stronger and stronger, him the same.

As the days slipped by, Fontaine enveloped you in its embrace, offering a blend of familiarity and novelty. The streets you walked were imbued with memories, and every corner seemed to whisper the secrets of your shared past. The city had changed, and yet it hadn't, much like Neuvillette himself. But what had shifted the most was the landscape of your own heart.

With every fleeting smile, every accidental brush of hands, the feelings that had long been suppressed surged forth like a tide that refused to be restrained. And it wasn't just you; there was a tangible change in Neuvillette's demeanor as well. The way he looked at you, the moments of silence that carried entire conversations, spoke of a bond that had been preserved, untouched by the years that had passed.

It was in the lingering gazes that lasted a heartbeat too long, in the way his voice softened when he spoke your name, and in the laughter that held the resonance of shared experiences. The magnetism between you two was undeniable, a force that seemed to defy time and logic. The more you tried to convince yourself that this was merely a chance reconnection, the more the gravity of your emotions pulled you in.

One evening, as the city's lights began to shimmer and twinkle like stars fallen to earth, you found yourselves standing by the city's edge, the gentle lull of water nearby creating a symphony of its own. Neuvillette's gaze held a vulnerability that matched the shadows cast by the fading sun. He turned to you, his eyes searching yours as if seeking answers to questions he couldn't voice.

"Y/N," he began, his voice, which was usually calm and confident, carrying a mixture of hesitation and longing. "Do you ever wonder... what if?"

The question hung in the air, heavy with the weight of unspoken emotions. You looked at him, your heart and mind colliding in a tempest of feelings. The echoes of what might have been reverberated through your thoughts, intertwining with the present that seemed equally uncertain and full of potential.

Your response, a mirror to his vulnerability, was a whisper that held within it the uncharted territories of the heart. You put your head on his shoulder. "Every day."

𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐢'𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 🤓☝🏾𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐑𝐀𝐇𝐇𝐇𝐇𝐘𝐇𝐇 𝐍𝐄𝐔𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄 !! 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬, 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐦 (𝐢𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥) 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 🫶🏾

𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

[yoonkiwii]

Pieces of Love

word count: 1079

genre: exes to fwb to ???, breakup, love triangle, slowburn, eventual smut, series

summary: it's going to be a long road to redemption once yoongi breaks your heart for the last time. determined to come back to yourself, you start your journey by finally leaving his sheets. will you have the strength to push through? or will someone special stumble upon you along the way?

pairing: yoongi x oc, yoongi x oc x jungkook

warnings: angst (oops!), implied smut (minors DNI!!!), poor oc is very confused with her emotions, yoongi is possibly a jerk!, lots of conflicted emotions here, cussing, i think that's all?, yoongi is a liar, oh and everything is lowercase intentionally.

a/n: ahhh hello!!!! so, although i am no stranger to writing fics, this is my first on this new lil baby blog. this is my own long awaited return to something i never thought i'd have the courage to come back to. this series means a lot to me, and while i know i'm rather unknown, pls show this project lots of love hehe <3

if you could rewind the tapes of your life to see the exact events that led you directly to this moment unfurling in front of you, you’re not so sure you’d accept it.

the whisper of kisses gliding across your skin used to feel like sparks, tiny fires planting on every plane of your existence. but as the flares settle, all you can feel is the burn.

it’s like this every time you and your ill fated lover meet in your match of flames. dancing breaths mingling, evidence of your downpour flowing out onto his sheets, his inevitable high cascading onto your skin. drowning out the remnants of pain until reality brings you ashore, fervent lights that he reignited put out by your sea of emotional sickness.

even as you pick yourself, clothes and broken emotions off the floor, you still don’t realize that you’re being spoken to.

“___? did you hear what i said?”

ah. you just wanna go home. rinse the feeling of him and your tears down the drain.

“sorry, what was that?” your voice hoarse, proof of the number he did on you.

“you good? i actually have something serious i want to talk about.” his eyes on you, but seeing through rather than at you. you watch as they drag down your body, contemplating. as to what, you’re not so certain that you wanna know.

silence encompasses you, his words settling like a pitch black night sky over you.

“what’s up.” not your best response, but it’s not like he deserves it anyways.

“do you think… i don’t know, should we try this again? you and i?” vulnerability, something you seldom see, is adorning his face. his delivery so quiet you could act like you missed it if you really wanted to. like he really could mean it if you let yourself be delusional enough.

alas, your heart always takes the lead. your head slowly rising until you make that dreaded eye contact, the blood in your veins turning into ice as you blink, over and over again.

your expression must be the personification of a question mark, brows furrowed and cheeks rosy despite the snow storm you feel within. time feels like it’s passing so slowly that you can almost see, feel him in slow motion.

deep breath.

maybe one more.

“i– what do you mean? try what again? do i need to remind you of the last time we— im sorry. but why.” why now? what in his pea male sized brain thinks he can shake your heart like this yet again, is what you’re really wanting to say. the bubbling feelings of rage coming up your throat prevent you from unleashing months worth of hurt.

but the answer is because of you. you allow it. it’s also the reason why you don’t completely snap.

you hear the rustling of sheets as he moves to the edge of the bed, eyes downcast as you try to remember that counting thing your therapist taught you and fuck he’s reaching for your hand.

taking a sharp breath in, he smooths out your rigid fingers in an attempt to soothe you or himself, you’re not sure. but it’s not lost on you that this is the first time he’s touched you outside of when you’ve had sex in the last 8 months.

“you and i both know that we keep coming back for a reason. i love-“

“don’t. don’t you fucking dare.” looks like the anger has reached it’s boiling point, your hand being snatched away as he looks up at you in defeat. haphazardly throwing your clothes on, shame be damned as you quickly make your way to the door with your skirt not even zipped all the way up.

“you can run all you want, but you’ll be right back here again next week and you know it.” his boldness so loud it almost drowns out the self hatred of knowing he’s right. almost.

your hand brushes against the knob until it falls limp at your side. eyes closing, damn you’re too tired of this.

“what do you want, yoongi?” loss coloring your face, he thinks you look pretty when you’re sad.

“you. i want you, ___.”

“you didn’t want me when you were fucking your way through the entire city, you didn’t love me when you lied so much that even you couldn’t tell what the truth was anymore. you dont want me. you just want me to love you. you just want me to want you.” you huff out a laugh that’s meant to come out condescending, but really you just sound hurt. because you are. you are so so so tired.

“if there’s anything you could’ve learned about me in the last three years of whatever the fuck this shitshow has been, it’s that i’m stubborn. i may be wrong more often than not, but you don’t get to decide. you don’t have that control. asshole.” flicking him off for good measure, you burst open the door, not even bothering to give him the satisfaction of the last laugh as you bulldoze your way through his apartment and out the door.

fuck the elevator, you head straight for the stairs.

being in this building feels like purgatory, the memories it holds are too much to bare. not that it hasn’t stopped you in this little cat and mouse game from coming back here.

but you’ve decided. you can’t do this shit anymore. whatever spell yoongi casts on you is about to be broken, your eyes finally opening to the endless void that exists within you whenever you leave his bed. you’ve lost many friends, are losing passion for your job, and even the will to push through the darkness that swallowed you on the day your love died.

the funny thing about control is that you’ve never once had it. it used to scare the living christ out of you, but at the tender age of 27, you feel like for once it’s what you need. to let go. to be free of the shackles you place upon yourself trying to be what everyone else wants you to be.

gone are the days that you bury yourself in your bed because you’re to ashamed to face anything but your four walls. it’s not even about proving anything or anyone wrong at this point, you just want to feel again. you want joy. and you’ll have it. you know you will.

[fedorah-the-explorah]

Prompt or inspo for writing! 👇

"please just breath......"

It was a dirty trick, and stupidly, Graham hadn't thought to expect it.

It was a real shitty night. Rain fell in sheets, and powerful gusts of wind were hitting up to 80MPH. Most sane people sat safely in their boarded up homes, sheltering from the hurricane force winds; but Graham Calloway worked for an organization that quite literally had the words "villainous" and "evil" right there in its name, so. Personal safety was not something they'd call a "concern."

It was an archeological site; much like the one from the ill-fated Casa Blanca heist a couple years ago. And Graham, to his credit, was on a roll.

He'd planned the entire thing down to every last detail. El Topo and Le Chèvre had been placed on perimeter with strict instructions to let Carmen win without making it too obvious. Sheena was placed within the site itself and made for the perfect decoy while Graham pulled off the rest.

Artifact secured, he now lurked in the shadows, watching as the women fought from above. He smirked, pleased with himself for his rousing success. The mission was over, and Carmen had remained totally oblivious to his presence. Now it was time to gloat.

He stepped out into the moonlight and shielded his eyes against the slowing rain as he whistled up to Tigress.

"Oi!" He cried, "Job's done, you can give it a rest!"

The women stopped, turning in sync to look at him. Tigress grinned and cocked a hip. She flicked her hair and raindrops went flying. Next to her, Carmen stood rigid as she leered down at him. The rain had slowed to a steady drizzle, and he could see from there the hurt flashing in her eyes.

A small part of him faltered. She had left him, but...

Well.

He had tried to rip out and kill the piece of him that still cared for her, and he had failed. The heart kept score, and it was not so quick to forget. It had been years, but still, he occasionally found himself pulling a punch or two.

If she sometimes did the same, they never talked about it. And why would they? They barely spoke at all. Carmen might've been quick-witted with the others, but she iced him out with silence. Since that night on the train a year ago, the two had barely exchanged more than three words.

He blinked and shook his head free of any love lorn angsting. They made their choices.

Suddenly, Tigress lunged.

The battle had already been won, but what did that matter? When an enemy leaves herself open to attack, why the hell shouldn't you?

Carmen was quick, but she had the disadvantage of distraction. She turned to meet Tigress a second too late and instead caught a blow that sent her staggering over the edge.

She fell fourteen feet, and Graham watched.

Maybe he could have done something. Maybe he couldn't have.

It didn't matter, he watched.

She twisted before hitting the ground and prevented a landing that would have killed her. Still, she didn't quite stick it.

Her body thudded against the floor, and her left arm, which she had used with her right to break her fall, lay broken at an awkward angle.

Tigress cackled from above and called out, "That'll keep her down for a while!"

Graham glanced from Carmen to Tigress and did nothing because he was useless.

"I'll meet you at the hotel," She said, flicking her pretty blonde hair.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and watched her stalk off. He thought about following, and he thought about helping. Both options were as appealing as they were not.

He didn't want to care about her anymore. It was tedious, and painful, and more trouble than it was worth. They made their choices.

He turned his back to her and started after Tigress. There was no need for guilt; she would do the same.

He stopped suddenly, staring at his feet. She would do the same. In a way, she already had. Granted, the straits had not been so dire...

She groaned softly, and though it was almost inaudible, it cut straight to his heart. It occurred to him then that it didn't matter what she would do.

He closed his eyes and felt a headache forming.

"Ah, fuck." He said, kicking up dirt.

He turned back around and trudged over to her. He crouched down and poked her.

"Hey. You good?"

She let out this sort of displeased, animalistic groan that did a really cool job of showcasing both her displeasure and pain. She attempted to sit up, and her left arm spasmed. She cried out and collapsed, breathing raggedly. She squeezed her eyes shut tight.

"...Fuck...You..." She wheezed.

He rolled his eyes. "Alright," He said, taking hold of her, "Heeere we go."

"Wait--" She gasped, but he didn't listen. He pulled her up, and the motion forced a hoarse scream. He startled, yanking his hands away.

"Woah, hey--"

Letting her go in this state was not his brightest idea, and this became evident when she keeled over approximately two seconds later. He caught her, held her, and questioned his sanity-- all in that order.

She trembled against him, her breath hitching in soft, pained gasps. His hands hovered awkwardly over her back.

"C'mon, Lamb, it's just a broken bone...?"

She shook her head.

"No?"

"Hurts..." She wheezed, "...breathing."

"Oh."

"Oh." She mocked.

His eyebrows creased, and he scowled. "Are you kidding me?" He grabbed her and laid her gently on her right side, "Don't mock me if you're having breathing problems."

"Kill... y'self... I...dowhatiwant..." She winced and screwed her eyes shut, curling in on herself. "Ow."

"Uh huh. And how's that working out for you?"

She coughed once and brought up blood.

He inhaled sharply and his eyes blew wide.

"Shit!" He swore, "Carmen!"

"Nnnnngh."

"How could you let her do that to you? You're better than this!"

"What?! This 's--"

He backpeddled. "No, no, don't speak. I shouldn't have said that. We all have the occasional miss. Just focus on breathing, okay? Is your team around?"

She nodded. "on their way..."

She wheezed and wrapped her right arm around her midsection. She curled further in on herself as her brow creased with pain. "...this's humiliating..."

"Carmen."

"...once fell... off... moving truck."

"I'd heard."

"...was 'pletely fine..."

"Yep. Mhm. You're very impressive, I mean it. Now please, just breathe. You're only hurting yourself."

She attempted to smirk, but it presented more as a grimace. "Just thought you should..."

"...Know who I'm dealing with. Yep, I get it. Now shhh."

She glared at him. He frowned at her.

"Just take it easy, okay?"

She grunted. "wha'ver"

He sighed and sat cross-legged, settling in to wait for her team. He warily eyed their surroundings and decided to call it luck that this of all nights, they were hit with a tropical storm. It was unlikely anyone else would be out in this weather, and that helped their odds.

He turned back to Carmen and watched her. Her left arm was held close to her chest, and every so often, she would twitch her fingers or rotate her wrist as if to confirm they still worked. Her chest rose and fell in shallow, ragged breaths, and with every short inhale, he heard what could have been mistaken for whimpering catching in her throat.

He worried on his bottom lip as something he tried to keep buried stirred within him.

For the sake of the heist, he had planned things so Carmen wouldn't see him until the last minute, but it was more than just the mission.

He's never regretted doing VILEs bidding. From the day he graduated, he knew what he was signing up for, and that didn't bother him. The maiming and the cheating and the stealing? Call him a bad person because he was, but he didn't regret any of that stuff.

That night on the train, however...

He had almost crossed a line that night. When he set his crackle rod to kill and pointed it at the woman he--

He...

He couldn't bear to see her hurt.

Consumed with self-pity and remorse, Graham did not immediately notice when Carmen's already quick, shallow breathing turned harsh and rapid. He only snapped out of it when she reached for him with her trembling right hand and weakly grabbed his knee.

"Carmen?"

Her eyes were wide with fear, and her skin had taken on a deathly pallor as she struggled to breathe. She brought her hand to her throat, mimicking the choking gesture.

"Can't..." She croaked, "...get 'nough air."

He wasn't sure what possessed him, but before thinking better of it, he reached over and cupped the side of her face.

"You're hyperventilating, love. Try taking deep breaths."

Her eyes welled with tears, and her bottom lip quivered. Her breathing was still erratic.

"Shh. Deep breaths, hon. You're okay."

She nodded and closed her eyes. She drew in a shuddering breath but stopped suddenly as she sobbed. Tears slipped past her eyes, and he wiped them away.

"Keep going."

She whimpered, and he could only guess how painful this must've been for her. He'd cracked a rib or two in the past, and the pain of that had made him consider the merit of simply ceasing to respirate. Based on her everything, Graham would venture a guess that she suffered much more than a cracked rib or two. If he were in her place, he might have also chosen asphyxiation.

He brushed the hair from her face and rubbed her temple. "Help is coming, Carmen. Just keep breathing, okay? You're doing so well."

"...don' patronize me."

He snorted and retracted his hand. She was so...

She opened her eyes to leer at him. "...didn't tell you t'stop..."

He stared at her incredulously. "You're really something else, you know that?" He returned his hand, "And didn't I tell you to stop talking? Doesn't it hurt?"

"...not bad... as.. breathing."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well. Unfortunately for you, breathing is something of a necessity, so."

"Hmm." She leaned into his touch and said nothing.

He gulped, and his heart did this weird skippy thing. Her weird moment of panic had passed, but she was still acting so... strange.

They'd gone an entire year of saying nothing to one another whenever they crossed paths, and now he was cradling her face while comforting her. And she was letting him.

As much as it should be, hate was not the word he'd use to describe his feelings towards her.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before her red-headed lackeys came shouting her name, but by the time that they did, the rain had settled, and the wind died down a little. The storm was passing on.

"Carm!"

Graham turned his head and saw the girl lackey racing down the makeshift stair case two steps at a time.

"Carmen, I am so sorry," Ivy said, crouching down on her other side, "The storm made getting around absolutely suck. Are you okay? Sorry, that's a stupid question. Get your hands off her!"

He yanked away from her and held his hands up, feeling oddly intimidated.

"She needs a hospital," said Graham.

"Yeah, no shit." Said Ivy.

"No hospitals!"

"Hush!" Said Graham and Ivy.

Carmen grumbled, finding it within her to pout. "'m gonna need... the three of you... t'stop yelling a' me."

"Three?"

"She's delirious," Ivy explained, "She's forgotten how to count."

Graham narrowed his eyes and pretended he didn't notice the way her eyes flickered to Carmen's earring. "...Okay."

"Alright, Carm. Let's get you out of here."

Carmen yelped as she picked her up, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Graham scowled.

"Careful with her!" He snapped.

Ivy's gaze turned icy, the type of cold that killed. "Excuse me?"

"Uh..." Graham rubbed the back of his neck, averting eye contact. "You jostled her, 's all... I--"

"--Don't fucking talk to me about how to help my friend, Crackle. You have no right."

"Look--"

"--If you actually cared about her, we wouldn't be here. So I'd thank you to shut your mouth and walk the fuck away."

"I just want to make sure she's okay!"

"Well, she's not!"

Graham winced.

Carmen groaned, shifting in her arms. "...Ivy..."

"Hush, Carm. This guy is pathetic." She leveled a glare at him, "I don't know what you ever saw in him."

She continued to glare at him, waiting. As if expecting an explanation.

He had none to give.

They made their choices.

[bookshelf-in-progress]

🎃

The nightingale, please?

The Nightingale Returns

Not a single star lamp lit the darkness of the cottage. Not a single star adorned the quiet young woman in the simple gray dress. In former days, Ida had dripped with stars--wore them in necklaces and bracelets, tiaras and earrings, shoes and gowns that came from dozens of admirers. She'd captivated crowds upon stages that blazed in the light of hundred of stars. In this candlelit cottage, Hans might never have known her for the same woman--but he'd heard her sing.

Ida stood before the window, lit by moonlight. "Why are you here?" she asked, her voice low, but musical as ever.

"I have come from Lord Felix. He wants to see you."

Her eyes blazed like falling stars. "He expects me to come at his call? After he cast me aside for that cheap imitation?" She stormed through the parlor, looking every inch the prima donna. "I will not be kept like a pet! I will not be bought with trinkets and flattery! Not for all the stars in the sky would I ever enter the same city as that man--"

"He's dying."

Ida froze.

#

In his illness, Lord Felix couldn't bear brightness. The only light came from stardust sprinkled on the bed curtains, and from the faraway moon shining through the uncovered window. Even that dim light showed Felix was pale as death, wasted by illness, and tormented by memories. The son of one of the wealthiest starfall families in the city, meeting the fate common to all men.

"Ida," he murmured, as he had for the past twelve hours. "My nightingale."

Ida saw and heard as she came in the room, and Hans watched all skepticism leave her face. She knelt at his bedside and took his feverish hand between hers.

Felix's gaze cleared at her touch. "Ida?" he rasped.

"I'm here."

"I was wrong. I chased you away. I betrayed you. I'm sorry."

He was working himself up. Ida placed a hand on his lips. "All is forgiven."

He relaxed into his pillow as he had not rested in days. "Death is with me," he said. "Stay with me. Sing. I would give anything--"

"Those days are past," she said. "I sing only for love."

The light in his eyes dimmed. "I understand. I don't deserve--"

But the Nightingale sang. A lullaby, low and sweet. A song of comfort. Of rest. Of peace. She had sung for kings and emperors, upon the greatest stages on the continent, but never had she sang like this. This song came from the depths her heart, her years of pain and brokenness turned golden with forgiveness. It filled that dark silence, chasing away shadows, keeping even death at bay.

Hans wept as he heard it--for the beauty of the song, for the dying man who laid back with more peace in his face than he'd known in weeks. Ida's tears flowed onto the deathbed, but still she sang, banishing the pain of the past and the fears of the future, keeping them all in a moment of timelessness.

One song led to another, another, another, until at last, the sun rose. Lord Felix slept like a child. There was color in his face.

Ida fell to the floor, fast asleep.

#

Hans brought Ida back into the sickroom. Felix was propped up on pillows, sitting upright for the first time in weeks.

"Stay with me, Ida," he said, as she knelt by his bed. "It won't be like last time. I'll marry you--"

"No," she said gently.

"I wronged you, I know, but I'll spend a lifetime making it up to you--"

"I am not made for this life," she said.

"You deserve every luxury--"

"A gilded cage is still a cage. I need the country. Fresh air. Open spaces. High society would be nothing but a prison to me."

"We could stay at the country places--"

"I escaped this life once. I won't go back."

Felix fell back against the pillows.

Ida rose to her feet. "You need a wife who fits into your world. Let me remain a friend."

"I am glad to call you one."

She stepped toward the door.

Felix reached toward her. "Can't you stay a bit longer?"

She smiled gently. "I'll come back. You need someone to give you news of the country."

"I would like that," Felix said.

With a smile, Ida stepped out the door. They heard her singing as she walked away.

[boushwrites]

I love you, even if you no longer love me.

I love you, even if you no longer recognize me.

I love you, even if the features of my face fade from your imagination.

I love you, even if time erases me from the memory of your heart.

I love you, even if your mind cut off our page.

I love you, even if you turned me into a stranger.

I love you, even if exhaustion tore me from your soul.

I love you, even if the depression of the whole world stood between us.

I love you, even if illness and medication obscured your feelings.

I love you, even if your weary heart forgets me for an eternity.

I love you, even if the darkness of your soul intensified.

I love you, even if you claim you've changed and can no longer love.

I love you as much as your resistance, your wounds, your fatigue, and your sorrow.

I love you despite all our mistakes and brokenness.

I love you despite our bad year.

I will love you despite fate.

I will love you despite the separation.

I will love you as I always promised you I would.

I love you. Even if the entire world's population stands between us, I will always see you and love you.

I will love you, I will adore you, even if everything mentioned separates us as far as the sky is from the earth.

I will adore you despite the pain.

I will love you despite my soul burning in your absence.

I will love you, as I once did, despite all principles and boundaries.

I will adore you, even if your love eventually leaves me dead.

I will love you, I will adore you with all devotion.

But this time, not through exchanged love letters, nor gifts, nor kisses.

I will love you through my prayers.

I will love you by keeping your memory alive.

I will love you by respecting your wishes.

I will love you by healing myself, by becoming the woman you would have loved.

I will love you more than my regret and longing, more than all the lost days.

I will love you as much as you would have loved reading these lines of mine.

Hoping to meet you someday,

I will love you every day until I perish.

SB

♡

Pictures from romeo and juliette

[beanghostprincess]

Zolu as Taylor Swift lyrics

"All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret." — peace

This is literally Zoro in Thriller Bark willing to die and keeping it a secret from everybody. I want to throw up. They make me mentally ill.

"Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep. Change my priorities. The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury. [...] Is this the end of all the endings? My broken bones are mending with all these nights we're spending. Up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush, drinking beer out of plastic cups. Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff. Baby, all at once, this is enough. And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for. King of my heart, body and soul." — King Of My Heart

King Of My Heart is so Zolu coded, not only because of, y'know, Luffy being literally the King of Zoro's heart, but because of the devotion and the feeling that nobody else compares to Luffy. Also, the feeling of young love and possessiveness between them is so good with this song.

"And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you. I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all." — Lover

Zoro is in love with the future king of the pirates. Everybody wants Luffy. Of course Zoro is going to be jealous.

"Wherever you stray I follow. I'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans, that's my man. You know that my train could take you home, anywhere else is hollow. [...] Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark. Show me the places where the others gave you scars." — willow

The devotion. Zoro willing to follow Luffy to hell. Luffy wanting to know Zoro better, deeper. Knowing every detail about his scars and dreams. I'm going insane.

"And if I'm gonna be drunk, might as well be drunk in love. [...] Everyone wants him, that was my crime." — Slut!

Ah yes, being possessive and an alcoholic. Zoro's best character traits.

"'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this. You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless." — Fearless

This is very early Zolu but honestly could just be them being silly and Zoro following Luffy's silly and impulsive shenanigans.

"My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again. These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon: I was enchanted to meet you... Please don't be in love with someone else... Please don't have somebody waiting on you." — Enchanted

Sabaody angst haunts me at night.

"You made a mess of me. I pictured you with other girls in love, then threw up on the street. [...] Oh my, love is a lie, shit my friends say to get me by. It hits different. It hits different this time." — Hits Different

They're so... The one for each other. Their love hits different. For both of them.

"So you were never a saint, and I've loved in shades of wrong. We learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts. But this love is brave and wild. [...] These are the hands of fate, you're my Achilles heel. This is the golden age of something good and right and real." — State of Grace

They're each other's Achilles heel. I'm gonna cry.

"Time, mystical time, cuttin' me open, then healin' me fine. Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me? [...] Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons. One single thread of gold tied me to you." — invisible string

Thinking that they were destined to be together is cheesy af but I don't care <3

"I see how this is gon' go, touch me and you'll never be alone. Island breeze and lights down low. No one has to know. [...] Every lover known in comparison is a failure. I forget their names now, I'm so very tame now. Never be the same now." — ...Ready For It?

Once again saying that they're the one for each other. And also this song is just the vibes. They have these vibes. I don't want to explain it because I got tired of writing this halfway.

"Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night. Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright. Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life. I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings." — Paper Rings

They're so clingy so sappy so cheesy I don't care what dudebros think.

"You were so magnetic, it was almost obnoxious. [...] I didn't come here to make friends, we were born to be suburban legends. When you hold me, it holds me together. And you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever." — Suburban Legends

Luffy has always been, ever since they met, magnetic to Zoro. And it kind of bothered him at first, but now Luffy has changed his life forever and he will never love somebody else the way he loves Luffy.

"And, somehow, I know that you and I would've found each other. In another life, you still would've turned my head even if we'd met... [...] 'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this. So, even in a different life, you still would've been mine... We would've been timeless." — Timeless

Once again saying that I love thinking they're soulmates. Because they are. Argue with the wall.

"I'm yours to keep, and I'm yours to lose." — So It Goes...

I love codependency.

"But we might just get away with it. Religion's in your lips. Even if it's a false god. We'd still worship. We might just get away with it. The altar is my hips. Even if it's a false god. We'd still worship this love. I know heaven's a thing. I go there when you touch me. Honey hell is when I fight with you." — False God

Zoro worshipping Luffy like a God will never not be extremely romantic and passionate. Luffy also sees their relationship like this, kind of. They're each other's world!!! Going crazy!!!

"Put your lips close to mine as long as they don't touch. Out of focus, eye to eye, 'til the gravity's too much. And I'll do anything you say if you say it with your hands." — Treacherous

This is just them pining over each other and being extremely intimate and willing to do anything the other says. I love exaggerating everything.

"They said the end is coming. Everyone's up to something. I find myself running home to your sweet nothings. [...] And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more". To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it." — Sweet Nothing

I honestly always think about Sanuso with this song because it's way more Sanuso coded- HOWEVER!! I do think Zolu has this domestic and genuine energy whenever they're clingy and don't really ask anything from the other except just being together.

"Big reputation, big reputation. You and me, we got big reputations. And you heard about me. I got some big enemies. [...] I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me. And I can't let you go, your handprint's on my soul. It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold." — End Game

Do I really need to explain this one when everybody knows they're literally dramatic pirates wanted by the law? And they're very very in love?

"All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life. Got a feelin' your electric touch could fill this ghost town up with life. And I want you now, wanna need you forever. In the heat of your electric touch." — Electric Touch

When OPLA!Zoro said that Luffy had changed his life. That changed me.

"We blocked the noise with the sound of 'I need you', and for the first time I had something to lose." — Holy Ground

Once again this is about OPLA!Zoro but obviously works with our regular Zolu. Zoro was so lost without Luffy I'm gonna cry.

"One night he wakes, strange look on his face. Pauses, then says: You're my best friend. And you knew what it was. He is in love." — You Are In Love

This is the perfect way to describe a relationship between aroaspec people. Also, this is giving Sanuso too but this is not a Sanuso post I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so-

"Don't blame me, love made me crazy. If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right. Lord, save me, my drug is my baby, I'll be usin' for the rest of my life. My name is whatever you decide, and I'm just gonna call you mine." — Don't Blame Me

I don't need to explain this one.

"My hand was the one you reached for all throughout the Great War." — The Great War

I always think about ASL and Marineford with this one but tbh it is very Zolu too.

[honourablejester]

Some of my favourite bits from the landmarks/setting of Heart: The City Beneath:

The starting layer, Derelictus, was originally intended to be the massive central station for the cursed Vermissian train network, but it was never connected to the system, so it remained intact when shit went tits up and everything else got metaphysical. It’s a mini-city, the City Between, that’s arranged on the four massive vertical platform levels of a train station.

I fucking love the Vermissian stations in general: there’s the one precariously arranged around massive crystal stalactites that continuously threaten to fall and crush the station, there’s the flooded one with broken pumps and intact vending machines, there’s the one that’s a terrifying amusement park, there’s the one with glass floors suspended precariously over an artificial lake containing a captive sea monster, there’s the one that’s an eerie fake city where there’s nothing unique, all the tiles, streets, shops, etc are the same one tiled over and over again, and then there’s the crown jewel, Terminus, the metaphysical turntable station where the turntable can be rotated dimensionally to hook up to every single possible line. I love the Vermissian. I adore this mad train network so much.

There’s a grove full of aggressive drug dealer druids who supply the Cities Above and Beneath, and one of the suggested quests you can get is from a burly naked druid who has to get a shipment of hallucinogenic mushrooms to a Vermissian Sage, but he can’t be having with that technological hellscape nonsense, so he hires you to ship it for him.

There are seven temples to the Moon Beneath, one central one and six subsidiary ones each devoted to one of the six Damnic Virtues. My favourite is Athane, Temple of Sagacity, which has developed into an endless debating floor because the priests have come to believe that something catastrophic will happen if the debate ever ends, so one of them always has to be standing and lecturing on something. They are desperately grateful if literally anyone else would be willing to stay a while and hold the floor on any subject for long enough for them to get a break.

In the Tunnels of Wet Filth, where the sewers from the City Above flow down to and where the ground is covered in liquid filth, there’s a doctor named Aster who advertises his ‘purgatives’ that can cure you of any illness. Since witchdom is a blood-borne disease in this universe, you can meet a witch who would like to be rid of it, and asks you to escort her up there. The thing is, apparently his advertising is absolutely not false, as she actually can just hyurk up her magic after his purgatives. So, like. He lives in a literal cesspit that can curse you with eternal stench to enter, but he is absolutely not lying about his product?

There’s a mobile predatory library stalking around tiers 2 and 3 of the Heart with a dragon-larvae at its heart hungering for knowledge. The librarians are all mind-controlled slaves, and that is absolutely a fate that can happen to you, if you spend too long or take too much damage in there. But it has an absolutely staggering collection, and if you’re looking for answers, it genuinely is the place to go.

The headquarters of the Hounds, the cursed remnants of a massacred army sent to conquer the Heart, is the Bunker, a central command structure in the heart of a web of trenches and razorwire, because the Hounds are basically WWI vets cursed to immortality by an ancient sentient hellscape. I’m going to give you one of the potential quests here verbatim from the book, because it’s fantastic: “A one-eyed quartermaster hires you (D10, Haven) to carry a single bottle of rotgut whiskey to the Bunker so the commanders of the 33rd have something to drink. Can you make it there and keep the bottle intact?” Followed by: “That quartermaster shouldn’t have paid you up front, and you drank the whiskey without ever going to the Bunker. Now you’re being hunted by thirsty and unpleasantly sober immortal soldiers. How are you going to make amends?” Rule one: do not deprive immortal traumatised vets of their alcohol, what’s wrong with you?

The Ghastling Plain down in tier 3 is a sea of ash underneath a perpetually burning ceiling-sky, where people live in stilt houses and ‘fish’ for eyeless lizards and strange land-squid in the ash beneath, or sail on skiffs across the surface of the ash. It’s desolate and beautiful.

There is another mobile rogue library called Papilous, this one extra-dimensional, where dream moths suck secrets like nectar out of people’s ears and librarians gently brush the thought-pollen from the moths into books. It’s actually Silent Hill, in that there is a benevolent and a malevolent version of Papillon, nested inside each other, and one can cross between them by accident. The inhabitants of either version do not believe that the other exists.

There are eight extra-dimensional Heavens you can access (especially if you’re a Deadwalker), and my favourite is the Source, which the gnolls of one of the surface nations discovered through their mechano-occult investigations, and from which they draw the energy that powers their machinery. It’s a great mechanical labyrinth of electrum and gold that courses with energy, including lethal surges of it, and is defended by constructs that prevent mortals from messing with the circuitry, as Expedition 23 found out to the tune of a single survivor. The gnolls have been sending living expeditions into it from the ziggurant in their capital city in the south, but delvers in the Heart can also make their way in. The twain can meet, which I find amusing: two different blasphemous mortal expeditions into a heaven meeting accidentally in the middle.

One the subject of what happens if you die while already illicitly in an afterlife, the book has this fantastic note: “Short answer: we don’t know. Make it up. No-one’s supposed to get into heaven while they’re alive, let alone get stabbed in the gut and bleed out there, so metaphysics tends to handle it on a case-by-case basis.” Which, you know. Fair.

This is such a gnarly setting. I deeply enjoy it. Especially the trains. I just. I really, really love the trains?