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pbaz7 · 22 hours ago

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AGAINST THE TIDE: PART EIGHT

paige x azzi

word count: 3.5k

A/N: I’m sorry 😔 it’s necessary for the plot. It’s also kinda all the other writers fault because they broke my heart too many times with their updates recently so I was being a masochist. Leave some live reactions and I’ll make it up to you before the weekend is over.

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September 2022

It had been a whirlwind of a few months for Paige. Between tearing her ACL during a pickup game in August and spending weeks avoiding everyone—including Azzi—things had been rough. At first, Paige couldn’t stand to be around anyone, the weight of her injury crushing her spirit. She didn’t understand why this kept happening to her. The most she could manage was sitting silently on FaceTime with Azzi, who didn’t push, didn’t prod—just sat there on the other end, offering quiet support.

Eventually, Paige started to miss her. Not just the quiet presence on the phone, but Azzi herself. She missed her laugh, her teasing comments, and the way she always seemed to know when Paige needed someone to hold her together. She knew she wouldn’t get better by sulking, so she started physical therapy. Azzi, of course, was by her side every step of the way, cheering her on through the grueling sessions and sneaking in snacks when she thought the trainers weren’t looking. One day Paige even pointed out that Azzi didn’t have to sneak her snacks, she could just give them to her and Azzi shushed her saying it was no fun that way.

The connection between them was undeniable, and as soon as they were back to spending every moment together in person, they fell right back into their old habits—flirting, teasing, and, inevitably, sleeping together. They had been doing that a lot since that night in the Jeep.

Now, their situationship was as confusing as ever. Best friends, friends with benefits, something more—they didn’t bother defining it. What mattered to Azzi was that they were together in some way, even if it wasn’t official.

The team’s popularity had skyrocketed since their championship run, with Paige’s popularity growing right along with it. It seemed like every time they went out, someone stopped her for pictures or autographs. Paige always said yes, her natural charisma making her a magnet for attention. Azzi usually found it amusing—until recently.

She’d never considered herself a jealous person before, but watching people fawn over Paige had started to get under her skin in ways she didn’t want to admit. Paige always teased her about it when they got back to their room, whispering in her ear about how she only had eyes for Azzi. Those moments usually ended with clothes scattered across the floor and all frustration Azzi had prior completely gone.

Tonight, the team was at Ted’s, their usual hangout spot. Paige, still on crutches, sat at their table while Azzi headed to the bar to grab them drinks. Insisting that she didn’t want Paige hobbling across the crowded room.

While waiting for the bartender, Azzi glanced back toward the team’s table—and froze. Three random girls had surrounded Paige, their body language a little too friendly for her liking.

One of them leaned in, her hand brushing against Paige’s forearm as she laughed at something the blonde said. Another one tossed her hair over her shoulder, clearly trying to get Paige’s attention. The third girl just stood there, starry-eyed, hanging on Paige’s every word, though Paige wasn’t saying much.

Paige just smiled and nodded as they spoke, her natural charm working its magic even though she wasn’t meaning for it to.

Paige’s gaze suddenly shifted, locking with Azzi’s from across the room. A slow, knowing smirk spread across her face as if she could feel the possessiveness simmering behind Azzi’s dark eyes. She winked, and Azzi’s jaw clenched.

Azzi grabbed their drinks from the bar, her grip tight around the glasses as she made her way back. When she reached the table, one of the girls noticed her approach and immediately lit up.

“Oh my god, you’re Azzi, right? Paige’s teammate?” she asked, her tone overly friendly.

Azzi raised an eyebrow, placing the drinks down. “Yeah. Teammate,” she replied coolly, slipping into the seat next to Paige—closer than necessary, her shoulder brushing Paige’s.

Paige looked over, biting back a smile at Azzi’s obvious claim of space. “Thanks, Az,” she said lightly, reaching for her drink.

The girls, undeterred, continued talking over one another, their eagerness to capture Paige’s attention almost comical. Paige didn’t lean into it, but she didn’t shut it down either, her polite demeanor keeping the conversation going.

“So, Paige,” one of the girls said, a playful edge to her voice. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Before Paige could respond, Azzi froze beside her, her grip on her drink a little tight.

“No,” Paige said simply, her tone casual.

Azzi scoffed, the sound loud enough to draw Paige’s attention. Paige glanced at her briefly, her expression unreadable, before turning back to the girls. “Not really looking, though,” she added.

Azzi opened her mouth, ready to make a smart comment, but before she could, one of the girls leaned in closer to Paige. In her attempt to get Paige’s attention, the girl bumped Paige’s injured knee.

Paige winced, her hand immediately going to her leg. The sharp intake of breath she let out wasn’t loud, but it was enough to make Azzi snap.

“You need to be careful,” Azzi said, her voice a little tight, cutting through the noise around them.

The girls all froze, surprised by the sudden shift in Azzi’s tone. She glared at them, her usual calm replaced by an edge of irritation. “I think you guys should go,” she said, her voice low and laced with a little venom.

The three exchanged glances, murmuring awkward excuses and apologies to Paige as they shuffled away, leaving Paige and Azzi alone at the table.

“You didn’t have to scare them off,” Paige said, though there was a hint of amusement in her voice as she reached for her drink.

Azzi turned to her, her gaze softening as it dropped to Paige’s knee. “You okay?”

Paige nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I’m fine. Didn’t know you were so protective.”

Azzi rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair. “Someone has to be, considering how much you clearly love the attention.”

Paige chuckled, leaning toward her. “Only yours,” she whispered, her voice teasing.

Azzi’s lips twitched into a reluctant smile, her earlier anger melting away as Paige’s words settled between them.

…

The night continued with its usual buzz, but Paige and Azzi remained in their corner, the tension between them slowly dissolving as they sipped their drinks. They’d fallen into their familiar rhythm, laughing and leaning close as they talked about everything and nothing all at the same time.

That was, until another woman approached their table, her sights set squarely on Paige. Azzi noticed her immediately—the confident stride, the deliberate way she positioned herself in Paige’s line of sight, and the overly friendly smile she flashed.

“Hi,” the woman said, her voice smooth as she directed her attention toward Paige, completely ignoring Azzi. “I just wanted to say I’m a huge fan. You’re incredible on the court.”

Paige, immersed in her conversation with Azzi, looked up, her expression polite but distant. “Thank you,” she said, her tone kind but not inviting.

The woman didn’t take the hint, shifting closer as she spoke again. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but if you ever have time, I’d love to pick your brain about basketball. Maybe over some dinner sometime?”

Azzi’s jaw tightened, and Paige caught the subtle shift in her posture. Without missing a beat, Paige reached for her drink, her free hand brushing against Azzi’s under the table.

“Sorry, but I’m not really looking for anything these days,” Paige replied smoothly, her eyes flicking briefly to Azzi before settling back on the woman. “But I appreciate the support.”

The woman hesitated, clearly not expecting the polite rejection, before finally backing off with a forced smile. Once she was out of earshot, Paige let out a soft sigh and turned to Azzi.

“Alright, I think that’s our cue to call it a night,” Paige said, standing carefully and grabbing her crutches.

Azzi stood as well, her expression still unreadable, though the corners of her mouth twitched upward. “Yeah, before I have to fend off another one.”

Paige laughed, leaning on her crutches as they made their way out of Ted’s. The cool night air greeted them as they stepped outside, and Azzi stayed close, her hand lightly brushing Paige’s arm every so often as they walked to the car.

When they got back to Paige’s apartment, the teasing smile was back on her lips as she closed the door behind them. She turned to Azzi, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

“You know,” Paige began, her voice low and playful, “I think it’s cute how jealous you always get.”

Azzi rolled her eyes, but the slight blush creeping up her neck betrayed her. “I wasn’t jealous,” she said, her tone defensive but unconvincing.

Paige grinned, stepping closer until they were nearly chest to chest. “Really? Because it definitely felt like it when you tensed up anytime somebody looked at me.”

Azzi crossed her arms, though her resolve was clearly slipping. “I was just protecting my teammates space,” she said, though the way her eyes softened as she looked at Paige said otherwise.

Paige leaned in, her lips brushing Azzi’s ear as she whispered, “I can show you why you don’t need to worry about nobody else.”

Azzi’s breath hitched, her arms falling to her sides as she looked at Paige, her expression caught between exasperation and anticipation.

“Fine,” she muttered, her voice barely audible. “But you better make it convincing.”

Paige smirked, her eyes darkening as she pulled Azzi closer. “Oh, I will.”

…

The next morning Paige stood in Azzi's room, leaning on the edge of the dresser as she pulled on her shirt. The room was quiet except for the soft rustle of fabric. She glanced at Azzi, who was seated on the bed scrolling through her phone, and decided to fill the silence with something she had been thinking about.

“I was thinking we could check out this spot downtown,” Paige began casually. “It’s got these cozy booths, good food—kinda intimate but not over the top. I think you’d like it.”

Azzi’s head looked up, her brow furrowing. “That sounds like a date, Paige.”

Paige shrugged as if the words didn’t sting. “Nah it doesn’t have to be a big deal. We can just grab some food.”

Azzi set her phone down, her voice a little firm. “Just because we don’t call it a date doesn’t mean it won’t feel like one.”

Paige’s jaw tightened, the easygoing front she tried to maintain cracking. “Is it the worst thing in the world for us to go on a date, Azzi?”

“Yes,” Azzi said immediately, her tone leaving no room for doubt. “Considering we aren’t dating.”

Paige let out a short laugh, but there was no humor in it. “Here we go with this again. So what is this then?” she asked, gesturing between them.

“It’s...complicated,” Azzi said, sighing as she ran a hand through her hair. “I really don’t want to argue about this today Paige.”

“No,” Paige said sharply, her voice rising. “It’s not complicated. We make it complicated. You make it complicated. God, Azzi, we spend every night together. You let me whisper all kinds of shit in your ear, you let me touch you—hell, you beg me to touch you—but you won’t let me take you to dinner? What the hell is that about?”

Azzi frowned, her frustration building. “You never get it, Paige. This isn’t just about us. I’ve told you that.”

“Then explain it to me,” Paige demanded, stepping away from the dresser, her crutches clacking against the hardwood floor.

Azzi sighed heavily, clearly reluctant to have this conversation. “You’ve already made a name for yourself. You could never play another game, and you’d still be drafted. Me? I’m still proving myself. I can’t afford distractions like that.”

Paige’s eyes narrowed, her voice tinged with anger. “Oh, so I’m a distraction now? Is that all I am to you?”

“That’s not what I said and you know it,” Azzi snapped.

“Then what are you saying, Azzi? Because honestly I’m getting a little sick of this half-in, half-out bullshit!” Paige’s voice was rising now, her emotions spilling over.

Azzi stood, pacing the room as she tried to collect her thoughts. “I’m saying this...this thing between us could complicate everything. The team, our careers—”

“So what, we'll just keep sneaking around forever in your mind?” Paige cuts her off, her tone incredulous as she says things she knows aren't true. “I’m good enough to sleep with but not good enough for you to actually be with. Is that what it is?”

“That’s not fair,” Azzi said, her voice tight.

“No, what’s not fair is what we’ve been doing!” Paige shot back. “You’ll scream my name all fucking night, let me do whatever I want to you, but God forbid I want hold your hand in public or call this what it is. Do you even hear yourself?”

Azzi stopped pacing, her face hardening. “You know it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like, Azzi?” Paige pressed, her voice cracking. “Because from where I’ve been standing, it looks like I don’t mean that much to you.”

Azzi’s expression softened for a moment, guilt flickering across her face. “You mean the world to me, Paige. You know that.”

Paige let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. “Do I? Because it sure doesn’t feel like it when you won’t even agree to a simple date with me.”

Azzi threw her hands up in frustration. “I’m not dating my fucking teammate, Paige! I’ve told you that so many times. It’s too messy, and it’s not worth the risk.”

“Not worth the risk?” Paige repeated, her voice barely above a whisper. She grabbed her crutches, her movements sharp. “You’re unbelievable.”

Azzi stepped toward her, her voice softening. “Paige, don’t—”

“No,” Paige interrupted, her voice rising again. “You don’t want me to leave? Then stop treating me like I’m just some convenience for you. Because I’m not doing this anymore, Azzi. I’m not just some fuck toy for you to play with when it’s convenient. Find somebody else to fuck you if that’s all you want from me.”

“You know that’s not all I want!” Azzi protested, her voice desperate now.

“Then what the hell do you want, Azzi?” Paige asked, her voice a little raw.

“I don’t know!” Azzi yelled, the words hanging in the air.

Paige hesitated, her chest rising and falling as she fought against the lump in her throat. Finally, she looked Azzi in the eye, her voice quiet but trembling. “I love you, Azzi.”

The words hung in the air, heavy. Azzi froze, her expression unreadable as she stared at Paige not expecting her to say that in this moment. For a few agonizing seconds, she said nothing, and then softly, “Paige...I–”

The silence was all it took. Paige’s face hardened, her jaw tightening as she turned away. “Forget it,” she muttered, grabbing her crutches and heading for the door.

Azzi reached out, panic flashing across her face. “Paige, wait—it’s wet outside. Your crutches…You shouldn’t—”

“I really don’t want to look at you right now,” Paige cut her off, her voice icy. “I’ll be fine.”

With that, she walked out, the sound of the door slamming behind her echoing in the room. Azzi stood there, staring at the empty doorway, her chest tight as the weight of their argument settled over her. Azzi realized just how much she just fucked up and she didn’t know if she could fix it this time.

…

Azzi tried to give Paige some time to calm down so she left her alone for the rest of the day. But the next day after their fight, Azzi couldn’t stop thinking about her. She stared at her phone, her fingers flying across the screen as she sent text after text.

💗: Paige I’m sorry about yesterday, Can we please talk?

💗: I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never want to hurt you P.

💗: You mean everything to me, P.

💗: Please just let me fix this

💗: Paige, please…Just answer me

💗: Are you okay?

💗: How was physical therapy? Who took you?

💗: I thought about going but I figured you didn’t want me to.

💗: I hate how we left things

💗: I miss you P

💗: I know I messed up, please don’t shut me out.

By midday she had sent at least twenty messages and about a dozen phone calls to Paige, each one unanswered. She was about to give up for the day when her phone buzzed.

P 💗: ok.

That was it. Just two letters, but it was enough to send Azzi flying out the door.

Now Azzi was sitting in Paige’s room, the tension between them so suffocating it felt like the walls were closing in. They’d been talking for some time, exchanging quiet apologies for some of the harsh words they had thrown at each other the night before. But the heart of the issue still lingered, unspoken.

Azzi broke the silence, her voice soft but insistent. “I do love you, Paige.”

Paige’s breath caught for a moment before she exhaled slowly, shaking her head. “No, Az. You don’t.”

Azzi frowned, her expression a mix of confusion and hurt. “How can you say that? You don’t know how I feel.”

Paige met her gaze, her voice steady but tinged with sadness. “Because if you loved me—really loved me—we wouldn’t be in this situation. You’d want to be with me, Az. Not just here, not just like this, but completely.”

Azzi’s eyes softened, her hands clasping together tightly in her lap. “Paige, it’s not that simple.”

“It is to me,” Paige said quietly, her voice breaking just slightly. “I love you Azzi. I love you so much I’d give up anything for you. Do you understand that? I’d leave this team, this school, all of our friends, my dream of winning a championship here... I’d walk away from all of it, because none of it matters to me as much as you do.”

Azzi’s eyes began to glisten, but she stayed silent, the weight of Paige’s words settling over her.

“I’m not saying you have to do that to prove you love me,” Paige continued, her tone soft but firm. “But I know you don’t love me the way I love you. Not yet. Not even if you won’t let us try to be together.”

Azzi blinked, a tear slipping down her cheek. “That’s not fair, Paige. Just because I’m scared doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

Paige’s lips pressed into a thin line, her jaw tightening as she held back her own tears. “You might love the idea of me. Of us. Of what we have when no one else is looking. But love—real love—it’s more than that, Az and you know it. It’s being willing to take the risk, even when it’s scary. Even when it’s complicated.”

Azzi’s voice was a whisper. “It’s not just fear Paige I’ve told you that. You’ve already made a name for yourself. You could never play again and still be drafted. But me? I’m not there yet. I can’t afford to let anything get in the way of what I’ve been trying to build since I was a kid.”

Paige nodded slowly, her heart breaking even as she forced herself to stay composed. “I get it Az. I do. And I promise I’m not mad at you for it. I’ll keep supporting you But I can’t keep doing what we’re doing, Az. I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with having only part of you when I want so much more.”

Azzi’s breath hitched, her tears now falling freely. “So that’s it? We’re just... done?”

Paige hesitated, her voice trembling as she spoke. “Yeah I think we have to be.”

Azzi reached out, her hand holding Paige’s as their fingers intertwined. “I love you so much, Paige. Maybe not the way you want me to yet, but I promise I do.”

Paige closed her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek as she shook her head. “I can’t do ‘maybe,’ Az. Not with you. Not right now”

The room fell silent, the weight of her words hanging between them. After a moment, Azzi stood, her movements slow and reluctant.

At the door, she paused, glancing back at Paige. Her voice was barely audible. “You’re still my best friend, right?”

Paige gave her a small, sad smile. “Always, Azzi.”

Azzi nodded, her expression filled with sorrow as she whispered, “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want yet P.”

Before she stepped out, Azzi turned back one last time, her heart heavy with everything she felt like she couldn’t explain to the girl she loved more than anything. She moved toward Paige and, without a word, pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, her lips touching one of Paige’s tears, lingering just a moment longer than necessary. Her lips whispered against her skin as she pulled away, her voice barely a breath.

“I promise this isn’t the end of our story P. I just need time.”

Paige’s breath caught in her throat, but Azzi was already turning to leave. The door clicked shut behind her with a finality that echoed in Paige’s heart. Alone now, she let out a shaky breath, her hands covering her face as she laid back and the tears finally came.

#pazzi #paige x azzi #pazzi fics

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palmerzy · 23 hours ago

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lowkey, spencer would totally be such a pervert when it comes to camgirl! reader.

like he’d constantly be checking his phone even away in cases, for notifs of announcements of your next streams and if he has the time, he’d try to catch even a small glimpse of a stream while in bed on a case.

the way he’d totally spend every earnings of his income on you 🤭❤️

answering this rn because i like the concept :3 not too well versed with all this stuff but either way, i hope this suffices 🙈

NSFW! - explicit sexual themes, incl. camgirl!reader and kinda perv!spencer (depends on your definition of a perv, really).

spencer doesn’t even remember how he stumbled across your page, probably through a rogue advert or something on his computer. but what he does know is that he was hooked right from the start.

he’s never really been one for watching porn, too busy analysing their body language and concluding that these people aren’t putting as much passion into it as he enjoys. you, though, you’re sweet and soft spoken, and still innocent to your subscribers whilst doing the most filthy of things.

the first thing that caught his eye was on your free page, a picture of you in a black and white lingerie, with a chess set in front of you - captioned ‘play with me?’. he couldn’t not subscribe to your main page after that. a beautiful woman and his favourite game? he couldn’t help wanting to see more.

at first, he felt a little odd and embarrassed about literally paying for porn, but he kind of just reminded himself that a lot of people do it, and he wasn’t the odd one out. plus, he was helping someone pay the bills, so in his mind - it was a good deed. his hefty salary could take the hit.

he didn’t even realise you did streams alongside your cutesy videos until he was in a random hotel room on a case, scrolling through his phone, the notification popping through. his brows had furrowed in curiosity, and he couldn’t stop himself from clicking onto it.

there you were, camera set up in the usual spot, sat in your bed. you were still fully clothed, which was…rare, and he soon realised that over the course of the stream things would grow more dirty. he could see people talking in the chat, sending in large sums of money, to which you were responding. as much as he wanted to, spencer was not about to actually talk to you. he’d rather die.

however, he did sometimes send you money. he didn’t have his name in his username, so he’d feel a little more confident typing a message along with the $50-100 dollars he’d send at a time. small things like “you’re so pretty,” “i love your voice,” and maybe a little “do you think you could read dante’s inferno on stream one day? :)”. yeah, he really loves your voice. probably more than he loves your body.

the thing is, he knows it’s your job, he knows you’re willingly putting these things on the internet because people want your body, but with each video and stream, he mostly focuses on how you sound, or how your eyes gleam any time you smile. he’s always a little miffed if you go live whilst he’s working a case or on the jet, but thankfully you upload your streams after, and he can’t help thinking it’s just for him.

he gets a little…attached, lets say, and soon enough he’s watching your videos every day. even your youtube channel, which is safe for work, where you simply upload makeup and clothing hauls - he loves it. every second of it.

though on your paid site, it’s literally porn, so obviously he gets turned on looking at it. he watches your face in your videos as you make yourself come, more than he watches the ministrations of your hands or toys. he conjures up images in his mind of those being his hands, your noises of pleasure being for him.

the first time you uploaded a video with someone else, he considered unsubscribing. he felt almost betrayed. he was paying and spending his salary on you, not coworkers and other men. nonetheless, he persevered, deciding to just not leave a donation on those posts - as if in protest.

he still never comments or talks in your lives, but he’s always lingering. he gets a little more confident when he sends money, instead leaving notes like “buy yourself something nice :)” or “maybe get a new mic? would be good to hear you clearer :)”

he’s slowly been getting less embarrassed by it, knowing it’s just a simple vice, everyone has one. that is, until, he leaves his phone on his desk when he goes to the bathroom, and morgan catches a peek at the notification from a well known camgirl site. safe to say, he’ll never live it down.

am happy to write something that goes more in depth onto what the reader does but i feel like it would just be x yourself smut LMAO

#tia’s ask box 💋#spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x you #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid #spencer reid blurb

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anidiotonloose · 2 days ago

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You can NOT convince me that the only thing in Till’s mind during R6 was Mizi and her missing status

Ive seen so many posts and reels saying how he was “so depressed during the 6th round because of Mizi and was ready to die without her in his life”.

WRONG

You’re telling me he’s ready to give up his life solely for the reason that his idol and his friend is most probably dead while the closest person in his life is put in a death game against himself in which only one can live?

Till was concerned about Mizi, very much too if I say so myself, but Ivan was also one of those concerns.

When Mizi lost the round against Luka, you could see the way Till looks at her - he was heartbroken. And then she went missing and who knows what happened to her. He was horrified, of course he was, she was his light, his sun, his idol, his hope, his everything. That doesn’t mean she was his only source of misery.

At the end of the all-in animation, we see Till punching the screen where his image is shown to compete against Ivan. He hated the fact that he would have to compete against Ivan, his best friend, the closest person to him in all of Anakt garden. Even though their relationship has been tumultuous, Ivan was still his closest link. Heck, when they were not fighting or bickering Till genuinely seemed to enjoy Ivan’s presence.

At the end of round 3 as Ivan is close to finishing his singing (and i must confess i saw this in a reel on instagram) we can see Till is conscious - with a serene expression too - and his collar has a very clear green light - indicating his mood is, well, good.

That light had NO reason to glow green considering Till was bleeding a lot.

But it was.

The only reason i can come up with is that Till was comforted by/liked Ivan’s voice, so much so that the pain of the wounds on his head was overshadowed by Ivan. Till did care.

and then he finds out he’s supposed to go against Ivan in round 6. What a joke. His idol was gone and they wanted to take away his (his what? Friend? Best friend? Enemy? Universe? Wait what-) too?

He weighed his options and decided his life was just not worth it without Mizi and Ivan in them. Both Mizi. And. Ivan. If Mizi was his sun then Ivan was his moon.

that was the plan anyway before Ivan said nope and sacrificed himself. Now that rekindled a fire in Till, a fire that had gone missing with Mizi and was supposed to die with him before Ivan thwarted his plans, a fire to give his best and to live, for Ivan. Not Mizi, Ivan, because Ivan gave his life for Till and oh Till could now see everything Ivan was in his life (his god, his universe—), Ivan who could have won against Luka at any given time, Ivan who showed him freedom and at last, Ivan who was his everything.

ahem. Point is y’all stop saying Till never cared about Ivan he loved him just as dearly as Mizi its just neither of them knew how to express their emotions in a healthy way and didn’t realise their true feelings since they never experienced normal and healthy human interaction

#alien stage #alnst #ivantill #alnst till #alnst ivan #till #ivan #alienstage #alnst analysis #alnst mizi #alsnt mizi #alien stage mizi #hyuna #alnst luka #alnst sua #angst #vivinos

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eunandonly · 2 days ago

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exhibit a : you

୨୧ ; you and riki, on a date solving murder cases gone cold? that’s going to end in another murder!

pairing! criminaljusticemajor!riki x criminologymajor!reader | wc. 0.9k | warnings: atempted humour, incorrect law and forensic terms, homicide mentions EN-

🖇️ : riki version finally!! sorry it took so long ㅜㅜ

riki has been majoring in criminal justice for some time now

you two never really talked properly, most of your conversations were trivial things like “can i borrow your pencil” or “when does this lecture end”

you never expected your first proper conversation with him to be an argument about who can solve a cold case faster

"of course i can solve it the fastest, what are you talking about, y/n?"

that just pisses you off bc who does he think he is

let's be so fr why is he so full of himself?

you had just been listening in on his conversation about a case study and you couldn't help but jump in

and riki had the audacity to mock you

"you're really going to stick with that theory? it's clearly wrong- come on, even i know that."

you were ready to bash his pretty little face in

bc your theory about the jane doe case is definitely right dafuq.

the time window, the evidence, the interview transcripts... it all fits your narrative

and the more you and riki discuss the case, the more convinced riki is that your theory MIGHT be right

of course he won't admit that though

but when you start talking about livor mortis he can't help but stare at you with hearts in his eyes

like DAMN he loves girls who recite shit like that as if it's the alphabet

one day you're just packing up your bag to leave after a lecture when riki comes over

"hey, you wanna study with me this evening? get some work done on the cold case project?"

riki's tryna be all nonchalant but he's screaming inside PLEASE SAY YES PLEASE SAY YES

you say yes.

you two meet at riki’s dorm room and tbh it’s kinda messy in there

i imagine criminology major riki to have lots of books regarding criminal law and stuff lying about everywhere and js have a lot of stuff in general

like the only place that’s not covered by some book or paper of some sort is the bed because he needs sleep (but he stays up till 5am anyways)

he probably listens to true crime podcasts all night

riki and you start get into your work right away but both of you keep getting carried away bickering

don’t worry it’s just playful banter ☺️

“i said stfu his rigor mortis had only started on the head and neck of the body but livor mortis had fully set- that's just says that someone manipulated the factors”

you’re just sitting on his bed pointing at the case file and trying to prove your point

riki’s smart but dense at the same time

you both have some genuinely concerning conversation starters

“oh yeah so this girl apparently got burned alive on a wooden pole outside a school campus!”

"do you think the car air conditioner will be cold enough to use during the winter when trying to onset rigor mortis of the body?"

"if someone dug up a already dead body murdered by someone else and re-buried it to hide it from the officials, what charges would they get?"

you guys say it so casually too like you're discussing what to have for dinner

you always thought riki was cool and had a little liking for him but working on a project together and really made the feelings more intense

sure he’s an annoying little menace who’s way too stubborn

but he’s smart. and he’s pretty.

you really are going to bash his pretty face in one day.

even when you two are not working on the project you two meet up in each other’s dorm rooms to play games, talk, etc

like you two make plans to meet up at your room to play fortnite (you carry his ass through the game)

oh but he won't admit that

i feel like riki would prefer staying in for these types of activities

you know those little packages of fake crime cases you can buy to investigate and stuff?

that's what you and riki do on friday nights except it's not a fake crime

it's all real

you guys research serial murder cases, disappearances that went cold YEARS ago, heists... the list just goes on and on

yeah but these little dates are probably going to become a homicide case itself

no bc why is riki not shutting up his narrative is so wrong

he ends up confessing to you at the end of the month after both of you submitted the most beautiful thesis on a double homicide case

you got lots of help from riki on the criminal law aspects of it and you helped him with the profiling and forensics part

"no y/n, he would be charged for perverting the course of justice, what are you on?"

“riki, stop being such a dumbass. the offender and the victim had no connection whatsoever.”

riki was so scared to confess to you, he was overthinking for days straight instead of sleeping at night

so for your first date you just have him come over to your dorm and make a murder board with you

not exactly a common first date activity but both of you have fun with red string and evidence so it’s fine

you and riki later on create your own true crime podcast except you're not just talking about the crime

you're both solving them (agggtm anyone?)

i'd like to think that you and riki's podcasts went viral and everyone gushing over you two

you and riki just make a really cute couple

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thedemonscrawler · 3 days ago

Note

Is there a certain way you go about the characterizations of the different incarnations of Eclipse?

Their motivations!

So at his core, Eclipse is an angry, paranoid, spiteful, arrogant, lonely, possessive, socially-inept person who can't communicate to save his own life. No matter where in his life you're writing him from, these traits persist.

The differences come in what his goal is, and which of his core traits are being amplified because of it.

I've written the Original Eclipse the least, mostly because I actually got interested in the show following his death 8'D. This Eclipse is the most closed off of all of them, the least likely to change his mind, the angriest and most vindictive. He hasn't been betrayed yet, he hasn't really failed yet, so his arrogance is at an all time high.

On the flip side, after his defeat and expulsion from Sun's head, this is also the rawest point in Eclipse's life. There's a lot of good fics about scraping his broken ass out of the woods and patching him up, and for good reason. Strip his arrogance away with his loss, and he has nothing.

My favorite is the Backup Eclipse. Eclipse 2.0, my beloved! Still arrogant, still angry, but spite is his strongest trait. He was defeated and he knows it, and he's learned that he needs to be a bit smarter in manipulating those around him. By escalating the game to the next level when he amplified Moon's kill code (giving us the guy, Kill Code), Eclipse started a chain reaction that is STILL going on in current canon.

The Backup is my favorite because his characterization runs from one end of the spectrum to the other. He comes back as a bedraggled version of himself, forced to deal with basically being Bloodmoon's prisoner while also getting them to work for him. He manages to enact one victory after another, culminating in him actually gaining the star. He did it, he won!

And then he fucking crashes.

Possession and loneliness are his strongest traits in the second half of his arc, and he picks up depression as well. Spite has become bitterness. Eclipse was never supposed to win, and he knows it. The star was only ever a means to an end, a way to get Moon's attention. And when Moon resets himself... Eclipse doesn't know what to do. He attempts to respark that rivalry, but New Moon isn't interested.

With no goal to latch on to, Eclipse crumples under his own misery and lack of purpose. On his way to winning, he destroyed everything that made his life interesting.

And then he got space lasered.

And then finally Eclipse 3.0, the Recreated Eclipse. I don't make a distinction between who he was before Lunar blew up his body and after, though I know some folks do.

Eclipse 3.0 starts off with anger, of course, and a lot of confusion and desperation. For a good amount of time in there he was p much feral. This one is mired in self-pity, and lashes out because of it.

Because that's what makes this one really interesting. He's picking up from where the Backup left off-- he has no purpose. I think he sunk his claws into the goal of 'find my creator' just to HAVE a goal. He's also interacting regularly with other people for the first time in his life(s), even if he does spend a lot of time taunting Moon for stuff that neither of them were personally there for.

Two things, I think, really helped Eclipse start stabilizing. The first was, uh. Solar's death 8'D More specifically, it was Puppet giving him an impossible task to focus on, and Eclipse always needs a goal. The second was Earth started socializing him. Which I love-- hell, I wrote that myself back in Sunk Cost. Earth always had the advantage of not being personally victimized by Eclipse like her siblings were, which let her be more tolerant of him.

Eclipse in his current state is still arrogant and possessive, and his people skills still suck. He's 'better' as a kind of side effect to Puppet's request; bringing Solar back, doing this Super Important Thing That Even Moon Failed At? Was a major ego boost. Eclipse learned a very important lesson:

Doing good things gets you attention and praise.

Which is why I think he had such a rocky start with the new dimension Sun and Moon 8'D He was chasing the high of being the hero, at the cost of actually paying attention to what was going on. He knew how things were supposed to go, that made him The Smartest. He's a good guy for extremely selfish reasons XD

But he's also finally made it to where a lot of fanfic authors have gotten him. A little less lonely, a few wounds healed. He does have people he cares about, without any intent for manipulation involved.

So yeah. I guess in summary:

Original Eclipse (Upright): Vindictive, angry. Would bite your hand off rather than take it Original Eclipse (Reversed): Lost, bewildered. A feral animal, but one that can be tamed.

Backup Eclipse (Upright): Spiteful, serious. Lost the game once already, has no intention of losing again. Backup Eclipse (Reversed): Bitter, desolate. An Eclipse without a purpose, can be coaxed onto new paths. Still will probably bite you a few times first. Recreated Eclipse (Upright): Arrogant, possessive. The end goal of many a fanfic, actually able to get along as a functional member of society... mostly. Recreated Eclipse (Reversed): Feral, desperate. Clinging onto what fragments he has in a life he didn't ask for, and hating every second of it.

Idk if that was useful but there you go!!!

#thanks 4 the ask!#the sun and moon show #tsams #my bias towards the Backup is so obvious he's got the biggest chunk ndfgk

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themusingsofacurlyhairednerd · 3 days ago

Text

Ludos Imperiales

Summary: A Princess!Reader x Gladiator!Bat Boys fic that's been swimming around in my head for weeks after watching Gladiator I and II

Content Warnings: Blood and Gore, Mentions of Torture, Slavery, and Assault

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“So good of you to finally join us, cousin.” The din of the crowd nearly drowns out the words, the feverish cheers echoing off the massive stone pillars that hold the auditorium seats up and away from the stench of death and decay that permeates from the mud soaked pit beneath the plush outdoor auditorium. There are rows of decadent booths along the pit's edge, each box set with plush chases and golden edged pillows. Slaves with palm fronds fan ornately dressed royals, their faces obscured by gold lined veils. The auditorium oozes wealth and luxury, offers decadent food and drink and deep enough betting pools to make the strictest penny pinchers among the elite crawl out of their caves to try their luck.

The altar for the Mother gleams golden in the afternoon sunlight, the carved statue standing with arms and feathered wings outstretched in welcome. Beckoning those to come and offer a bit of blood in hopes of trading it for some luck. Luck for the gamblers, of course, never the males, and sometimes females, who fight and die in the muddy pit far beneath the first row of booths. My father says they made the Games to punish our enemies, and to reward our soldiers, but both fight and die as equals all the same.

I frown first at the statue, how could our most beloved Goddess reward this kind of brutality? Then at my cousin, who I remember, is still waiting for me to speak. Dagdan sports his military regalia, the glittering medals across his chest all pinned there by my father for his service to our great empire. Service he never actually participated in. Dagdan can wield a sword because of the patience of his tutors, he’s never raised it in battle, despite the stories he tells at every possible turn.

“Father said the Games would be impressive this year,” I reply, trying to keep the bite out of my tone. Mother raised me to be demure, to keep my chin up, to never let an enemy see what I was feeling. She had been good at that, too good, perhaps that was why she had been publicly executed. For all her poise, she had not been able to outmatch my Father’s paranoia.

Beside him, Dagdan’s twin sister Brannagh grins, her pearly white teeth a harsh contrast to her otherwise impassive face. It’s like watching a shark try to grin. “The Uprising in the Courts made for a lot of candidates this year.”

My stomach turns. The Empire is vast, spreading across continents and oceans. The Courts in Prythian were the last of the fae to fall in line before Father turned his attention to the Human Lands. Each year, more and more slaves and captives are carted in through the iron gates far beneath the smooth stones we stand on, all tossed into the mud to fight each other for a slim possibility of survival. Some come willingly, chasing fortune and gold; some are sponsors of Father’s Inner Circle, their armor always pristine, their weapons always sharp. But most of the gladiators are slaves, crammed into dingy cells in the catacombs beneath the arena. Despite the decadence of the auditorium, one visit down into the bowels of this awful place was enough to scar me for life. As Father intended, I’m sure. Our esteemed Emperor had not been shy about his disdain for not being able to produce a son and his paranoia often convinced him that I would one day find a husband crafty enough to steal his Throne before he found a match he thought suitable, he often dragged me to these things to remind me the brutality he was capable of if I stepped out of line. No doubt it was why he’d insisted I come out today. I had not been out in public in some time, not after the grief of losing my mother had so thoroughly consumed me. My grief had shamed him; had made some in his Inner Circle suspect I was also plotting against him. My presence here was as much a check into my loyalties as it was to remind me of what fate could befall me if I kept on wallowing away in the dark.

I smooth my hands over my skirts, putting thoughts of my Mother aside. It always feels like a gaping wound in my chest, nerve and sinew exposed and open for every onlooker to see. I must reign it in. For the sake of my future.

“We’ll see a lot of Fae, then?” There were a lot of elves last year and shifters the year before that. There is no prejudice in the games. Race and gender matter little in a battle of survival.

The twins follow me as I find my way through the bustling crowd to our booth, where I know Father will already be waiting.

“Some humans for the first round,” Dagdan spits like he’s tasted something vile.

“Some half-breeds and mutts for the second,” Brannagh finishes with far more delight than her brother. Their eagerness from blood is one of the few reasons Father didn’t name their heir in my place. Brutality is necessary, but bloodlust turns a well rounded Empire on its head. Father placates them by giving them titles, parading them around like their important so they remain loyal, but he will never truly give them the power they seek. They’re simply not smart enough to see it.

“But the final round will be entertaining,” Dagdan says, gray eyes twinkling as the wall of guards at attention in Father’s booth part for us.

Our esteemed emperor sits on a throne made entirely of gold, a goblet of wine already in his hands. A circlet of gold leaf perches on top of his salt and pepper hair, the sharp edges reflecting the light along the crimson curtains that help keep out the summer heat. We all bow to him as we enter, and Father reaches out a hand for mine without ever looking at us.

“It is good to see you outside again, daughter,” he says, chapped lips brushing over my knuckles in a brief display of affection.

“I’m sorry it has been so long, Father,” I keep my voice even, unbothered. I will not let any of them see how much I hate all of this.

He guides me to sit on the couch beside the throne, where I have ample view of the uneven floor below. Yesterday’s rain has filled the giant pit with mud. Mud that could have easily been covered and smoothed out to make the playing field fair for all, but that is not how these Games work. Bones still litter the uneven ground, a rib cage protruding from a mound of dirt, a crumbling arrow still caught inside it. There’s the skull of an animal turned upside down, a stream of muddy water running out the eye sockets like some sort of twisted water fountain. Old weapons lay scattered around the arena floor; a wagon weaves around boulders and mounds of loose earth to scatter more.

“I trust you’re feeling better?” The question is pointed, for the sake of my cousins. He has been telling people the shock of my Mother’s supposed betrayal had been too much on my health and I’d been bed ridden. It’s not entirely far from the truth.

“Yes, Father. The sunlight does me good.” Not far from the truth either. It is nice to be away from the palace and all the chaos that comes with it.

Brannagh sits beside me, a slave scurrying behind her with a fan, a second not far behind with some wine. She stretches her long legs out in front of her with a sigh, the sunlight drifting through the curtains making her pale skin look translucent. “Do you have a favorite to win today, Uncle?”

My Father sips from his goblet, a bit of wine caught in his graying beard. “Just a favorite to lose,” he chuckles. Though he is getting older, the gleam in his slate gray eyes is still sharp and youthful. Even with his bouts of paranoia, his mind is still sharp and calculating.

“Do tell, before it’s too late for me to change my bets,” Dagdan quips. Though I doubt it is all in jest, my cousin is far more in debt than he realizes.

Horns blare from the upper rings of the arena, signalling those still milling about placing bets and finding food to get to their seats. The Games will start soon. My stomach twists itself into a new knot. There is no shortage of ways my Father will have found to torment the poor souls who find themselves in the pit today, I am not eager to see what they are.

“There was some… trouble in the mountain regions of the Courts,” he says carefully.

I force myself not to turn and look at him. Trouble for my father usually means rebellion, or outright war, anything else is too insignificant to mention. In my seclusion, I had not even caught wind of it.

“We have a few insurrectionists I’d like to see fall today.”

Few are foolish enough to raise a hand against the Empire. It usually means their provinces go without food and aid in the harsher months of the year. I am curious to see who would be foolish enough to risk the lives of their people.

“Those great wings of theirs would make an excellent trophy on my wall,” Father finishes.

A shiver runs down my spine. It would not be the first gruesome trophy of his, but still, the outright admittance to such cruelty still makes me tremble. My unease is only heightened by the arrival of my Father’s General, who enters the booth followed by a handful of male slaves, all barely dressed.

“Amarantha!” It is no secret that my Father has always wished I shared the temperament and constitution of his beloved General. If he had to be cursed with a female for an heir, he wanted ruthlessness, cunning, and a smile that could peel paint. All things the red headed fae oozed in abundance.

All things my Father was convinced I lacked. I’d take it. His disdain was better than being exactly like her. I can’t help the way my nose crinkles at the sight of her. Brannagh moves closer to the edge of the couch, in hopes of ending up in her line of vision, eager to swap stories before the Games officially start. Brannagh wants to be just like her, the gaggle of pleasure slaves included. The two of them would unleash hell on the world if my Father ever put the two of them together.

“Your Highness,” Amarantha bows, the loose fabric of her nearly sheer gown spilling to give my Father ample view of her cleavage. I stopped allowing myself to question the nature of their relationship long ago; my stomach turns thinking about it.

“It is a good day for betting, don’t you think?” She asks. Her voice is like gravel, fitting since its the color of her eyes. A finger bone dangles from her neck, an eye encased in glass sitting atop her finger; though she is lean, she is stronger and more deadly than most people assume at first glance. Everything about her is dangerously sharp.

“I was just telling Dagdan the same thing,” my Father says.

Those dark eyes flick briefly to my cousin, who puffs up his chest, but she ignores him entirely as her gaze settles on me. “Princess! I didn’t know you’d be joining us today. What a monumental occasion!”

“I thought the fresh air would do me some good,” I say simply. What else is there to say to Evil Incarnate? Perhaps I should put more energy into being clever, I know that if Amarantha saw a benefit to cleaving my head from my shoulders, she’d take it--power is all she cares about, so far we haven’t faced each other because she doesn’t think I have enough to steal--but I cannot summon the energy. Ever since the incident with my Mother, I have not managed to find much in me at all. Especially not for Amarantha and her social climbing.

“Nothing like a little blood sport to invigorate the mind,” she purrs as she lowers herself into the seat at my Father’s right hand. One of her slaves perches on the arm of her chair, bare chest glinting with oils in the harsh sunlight. Another sits at her feet, and her nails, sharpened to points, drift harshly through his thick curls.

I watch my cousin run her tongue over her lips at the sight.

“Did you place any bets, Princess?” Amarantha continues as someone brings her a goblet of wine. She sniffs suspiciously at it before instructing one of her slaves to test it first. Perhaps poison would be a mercy.

Never admit weakness. Never admit that my solitude has kept me out of the loop and left me ill prepared for whatever is about to happen in the Pit beneath us. Instead, I say, “We have several days of entertainment, I prefer to observe on the first day.”

To his credit, my Father does reach over and pat my shoulder in approval.

“Clever,” she says, but there’s enough bite in it to not make it a compliment.

“My money is on your Attor, as always, General,” Brannagh says with the eagerness of a child with a crush.

Amarantha huffs in annoyance, as if my cousin is a fly buzzing around her ear, “He’s too good, its almost boring at this point.”

Brannagh deflates, but before she can come up with something witty in response, the final warning horn blows from the rafters. The Games will begin.

I turn my attention away from my company, watching brightly dressed royals rush to their booths. There are all sorts of creatures here to watch: Elves and Fae and Fawn, a few Goblins and Giants, observing from a standing platform opposite us. There is room for most, save for humans, within the Empire, as long as they prove their usefulness. That is my Father’s crowning achievement, the Hybern Empire has room for all, if you play your cards right and never step out of line.

The groaning of the gates draws my attention away from the spectators and down into the Pit beneath us, where a whole cart of humans appears from the gloom of one of the entrances. They look small; mud and blood splattered as several Praetorian guards usher them out of the cart with spears bigger than most of their heads. The guards do not remove their shackles, leaving all twelve of them tethered together in the center of the Pit.

The cart rolls away, the guards with it, only once their out does another gate open to let out the challenger: Amarantha’s hulking Attor. The creature is battle scarred, lines criss-crossing over its leathery skin. Its giant wings flutter on the breeze behind it as it stalks into the center, Amarantha’s crest painted in blood red over its chest.

The crowd goes wild as it enters the pit, clawed hands swinging wildly around its hulking body. “ATTOR! ATTOR! ATTOR!” The monster has always been the crowd favorite.

Amarantha yawns. She’ll make thousands off the creature, but that is nothing to her. Money is trivial, unless it can buy her the power she craves.

I glance at my Father as the Games Maker starts addressing the crowd and explaining the match up. “Would it not be more entertaining to unchain them?” They’re all going to die anyway, surely this gives them a fighting chance to die with some honor. “We all know the Attor will win, why make it easy for it?”

Amarantha nearly spits out her wine, a gurgling sound coming out of her as she tries to maintain her composure.

I do not let myself grin at the victory.

Father runs a hand over his graying beard in thought. “Perhaps your solitude did you some good, Daughter.”

I do not shutter. I cannot save any of them, as pitiful and helpless as they look alongside the Attor. It will give them all gruesome deaths purely for the fun of it. But perhaps the Mother will take pity; may the chance to die fighting grant them peace in the afterlife.

Father stands and motions for the Game Maker to quiet. “Let the humans be unchained!”

The crowd erupts into varying shouts of surprise and approval.

“Let us test the skill of the Attor!”

This pleases the crowd, but it makes Amarantha’s cheeks flush crimson. She hides a grimace behind her wine as my Father returns to his seat.

A single guard returns with keys, and the crowd falls into a hushed silence, waiting for chaos to ensue. I force myself not to look away; to face what I have done. One of the humans cranes its head to look up at our box and flashes us his middle finger.

Dagdan bristles in his seat next to his sister. “He should pay for that!”

They will. There will be no rescue. There is none to be found. The Empire comes for all of us eventually, best that we can do is go into it with our heads up. I am trying to accept my fate in this, what other choice do I have, lest I end up dead or locked away.

Once the guard is clear, the horns once again blow, telling the Attor he can start his hunt. Those great wings at his back kick up loose dirt as he launches into the air with a roar that makes the arena tremble.

The crowd cheers, leaning forward in their seats to watch as the monster swoops down and gets its great jaws around the head of the first human. Brannagh giggles at the splatter of blood that erupts from the poor creature’s neck.

I clench my hands in my lap.

The second human tries to run, scrambling for purchase in the thick mud. It doesn’t help that they’re all barefoot. The Attor’s claws tear through the human’s back like butter, the poor thing going down with a wail that makes my heart lurch painfully in my chest.

The third manages to find a sword, the blade rusted from the rain; the man gets a good swipe in, nicking the inside of the Attor’s palm before it gets shredded to pieces.

Each human tries a little harder than the last, getting further each time. One manages to weave around the debris and avoid being swooped down on like the first, but the uneven terrain catches her ankle, sending her sprawling down with a shout as her leg is left twisted and broken. Another manages to get an arrow into the Attor’s back, but not deep enough to do damage. They all go down fighting, and each new one has me saying a mental prayer to the Mother on their behalf, but none survive. Much to the crowd’s glee.

“Wonderful!” Brannagh says, clapping as the Attor roars in victory.

Amarantha shrugs. “Boring.”

The Attor exits the Pit, ever the victor. The bodies it left aren’t even carted away. No one comes to pick up the pieces. No one will bury them. Their bones will rot and decay into the Pit floor.

I ask one of my Father’s servants for some wine to try and settle the nausea that rolls in my stomach, but even the smoothest of wine does not dull it.

My Father watches me carefully, calculating every move. I do my best to keep my features neutral.

“What did you think, Daughter?”

I take another sip of wine before speaking, giving myself time to collect my thoughts. “Humans don’t make very good gladiators.”

He laughs at that and my cousins join in, as if it was the funniest thing ever.

“Humans don’t make good anything,” Dagdan says.

“Except for a snack,” Brannagh adds.

“Worms,” Amarantha spits.

Father raises his cup in salute to me. “May the next match be more exciting for you.”

I ignore my revulsion and return the gesture. I cannot wait for this to be over. I shall retire back into my gloomy quarters with the curtains drawn and try to scrub the gory images from my brain. Perhaps my solitude would be more comforting than this.

The horns blow announcing the next match and the Games Maker drones on and on about where these next gladiators hail from. One side are all sponsored by royal families, all males trying to make a name for themselves and some coin to feed their families. They’re all well trained and well equipped for the task. They’re a filler spot, to give the rest of the Game Makers time to prepare the next victims of the Empire’s wrath. Beneath the Pit floor, in the dark of the catacombs, the next round of war captives are likely being hauled out of their cells and prepped. I can’t help but wonder if they can hear the roaring of the Bogges and Gladiator’s alike from down there. Do they understand what is about to happen? Are they saying their final prayers to the Mother?

I can’t help but glance at Her altar. What kind of world is this that we live in? Brutal and cruel and blood splattered. If we are so favored, how could our lives look like this? It is thoughts like these that have kept me sequestered in my room. I do not know what I am supposed to live for, or who I am supposed to be any more. My life feels like it is stretching out before me, and someone else is pulling on the strings, making me a puppet that moves at their will. I no longer have the protection of my Mother. Father will soon throw me to the wolves if I am not smart or careful or cunning. The world is different and dark and I have utterly lost my way.

I am so wrapped up in my thoughts I barely register the fight. One of the males gets eaten by the terrifying Bogge, his screams echoing off the great walls. The crowd eats it up, cheering and screaming and jumping from their seats. The more blood that flows the louder they yell and cheer. These are my people? These are who I am to rule one day? What does that make me?

Dagdan huffs about his losses as the gladiators exit the arena, the Bogge all dead. He drowns his sorrows in his cup as if the solution to his terrible gambling habit might lie in the bottom.

“Finally, now we can get to the part I’ve been waiting for!” Amarantha declares.

Father grins. “I take it they gave you trouble on the way here?”

She spits again, a nasty habit that doesn’t bother anybody but me, apparently. “Damned Illyrians! Had to use faebane on them the whole way, otherwise they tore through the damn chains!”

Father shakes his head. “I have to admit they surprised me-” certainly a feat few have ever accomplished in his lifetime “-usually their kind throw themselves on their swords before they get caught. Makes you think, doesn’t it?”

I’ll chalk that up to his paranoia talking, but I have to admit, I am intrigued by the conversation. Anyone who can surprise my Father must be very skilled. Despite my disdain for these Games, I find myself leaning forward to get a better look into the arena when I hear the grates open for the third time.

“What is there to be surprised about?” Amarantha counters, but her words feel farther away as I catch sight of movement from the dark tunnel behind the entrance of the arena. “They’re rebels, their deaths will make martyrs out of them. They want a public execution.”

The world feels as if it has narrowed into this moment. The din of the crowd starts to fade in and out of focus. I am suddenly very aware of the roaring of my heartbeat in my own ears.

The first male steps out of the tunnel, stripped to the waist, his bronze chest smattered with cuts and scrapes and bruises so dark they’re nearly black. Dark twisting tattoos trace their way up his broad chest and over his shoulders and back, until they meet great, leathery wings like that of a bat’s. Long, dark hair, matted with mud and what might be blood, clings to his face, but despite the disheveled state, his hazel eyes remain clear and bright.

The crowd boos when they see him. A few people hurl food at him.

“Cassian,” Amarantha scoffs. “The rebels call him their General.”

Father frowns. “As foolish as their militia was, do not forget how many of our soldiers he killed.”

I cannot take my eyes off him. He’s taller than the guard that leads him by his bound wrists into the Pit. Larger too. Those broad shoulders and defined abs speak volumes about how skilled in swordplay he must be.

“Will you keep his wings when he dies, Uncle?” Brannagh asks.

The wine threatens to come up at the thought of having to see such beautiful wings pinned to a wall in Father’s study. The male clearly cares for them. When the guard gets too close he flicks them out of reach. While there are some nicks in the leathery membrane, the wings are the least scarred part of him. He has to take good care of them for someone so battle hardened to keep them looking like that.

“Happily,” Father says.

Even if I wanted to look at him, I couldn’t, not as the second male enters the arena. He’s a little shorter than the first, his hair shorter, the dark onyx locks curling gently around his forehead. Blood still drips from an open gash across his temple, staining his cheek and neck crimson. Like the first, his chest is bare and marked with the same swirling tattoos, but unlike the first, his great wings hang limp behind him. One drags along the mud like a cape, the leathery membrane ripped open and bleeding, the other is twisted at an angle sharp enough to make me wince at the sight. The urge to run down to him is overwhelming. My hands drift down to the seat cushion and hold tight to keep myself still.

The crowd continues to boo and throw things as he tries to keep his head up and meet the other male in the center of the Pit.

“Azriel,” Father says to Amarantha, “ was quite a challenge for you, I hear?”

His beloved General frowns. “The shadow wielder managed to get a few good blows in, I’ll admit. But surprise only gets you so far.”

My eyes drift from his broken wings to his hands, covered entirely in scars, like someone burned him. The thought makes my chest heavy.

I don’t know what’s happening to me. I have never been so obviously shaken by the Games, not since the first time I’d come. Father had made me sit through weeks of slaughter, watching as gladiator after gladiator fell prey to a magic storm and a slew of magic beasts. Even then I had managed to hold it together until I’d made it home to vomit, but now I feel as if I cannot keep my body in its seat!

The magic that lives caged beneath my, usually, pristine facade cracks through, a bit of dark mist seeping out from between my fingers. I unfurl my fists and take my hands carefully into my lap, using a bit of my skirts to hide the errant flow of power. I’ve been neglecting my studies, have not given myself an outlet, this is a terrible time for a flare up! I try to focus on my breathing, the pounding of my heart isn’t helping. I need to remain calm. I need to remain in control.

A feat that feels utterly impossible as the third and final male exits the tunnel. Time comes to a grinding halt, every footfall against the Pit floor a drumming, haunting echo in my ears. I have utterly forgotten how to breathe; how to think. The male is by far the most beautiful male I’ve ever seen, violet eyes twinkling with a thousand glittering stars. He sports the same tattoos as the others, the same bronze skin and battle hardened muscle, but it is the expression on his face that gets me. He is as battered and bloody as the second male, cheek split open, a slash mark clean down the middle of his chest; most of his body is a bruise, but he doesn’t wince at all. He keeps his chin high, high enough to look Father right in the eyes with every step he takes into the Pit. There’s a clear challenge there, unhindered by the chains around his neck and wrists. Those gorsian stone chains don’t often make an appearance, unless the person attached to them is exceptionally skilled with magic.

“Rhysand,” this time Amarantha’s voice is an excited purr and the power trying to escape through my fingers slips faster from my palms. I dig my nails so tight into my palms they bleed.

“I do admit, it’s a shame you have to kill him,” she continues. “He’d make such a pretty addition to my collection.”

It is all I can do to not turn and hurl a blast of dark, obsidian power at her. I keep my gaze on the Pit instead, as the final rebel joins the others in the center. Its only once he’s there that something clicks into place in my mind. If Amarantha still speaks I can’t hear her. Time freezes again, the only signal of its passing the pounding of my heart in my ears.

They’re my mates!

And I’m about to watch them die.

#rhysand x reader #rhys x reader #Cassian x reader #azriel x reader #poly!bat boys x reader #gladiator!bat boys #gladiator!rhys #gladiator!cassian #gladiator!azriel #acotar fic #acotar au #bat boys smut (eventually)#my writing #my fic

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zepskies · 2 days ago

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Aww here we go!! 😍 👏🏽👏🏽 I've been very excited to see what you'd do with Russell, considering your affinity and talent for writing our favorite law enforcement boys. This was just as twisty and exciting as I thought it would be!

“Extra fluffy for you, Mr. Russell,” Rosa, the maid, would say every morning with the brightest smile.

loll what I'd give to make sure he's got everything nice and fluffy. 😏

(A hot tub in the back, huh? Wayne, stop giving me ideas for ESC one-shots. 🥵🫠)

Providing answers didn’t come easy for the older Shaw, however. In fact, it had always been sort of a problem for him – even in the past. Especially in the past. Russell never lied, but he did omit things. Important things. On purpose.

Ooh yep! You really picked up on aspects of Russell's personality that I felt inherently when I was watching (studying) him, but hadn't consciously put into words. 👌🏽

All they had was them. They were friends. Best friends. Always competitive, but friends nonetheless.

It's also so interesting (and crazy) how little Russ and Colter know about each other now as men. There's got to be shades of who they were when they were younger, but it's bittersweet in a sense. And now they're both trying to suss each other out like lone wolves that are kinda sorta friends. 😂

Of course, there's still that "I thought you killed our dad" for 20+ years -- on Colter's end. 😅

“Yeah, well, let’s just say in an ideal world this, uh, woman would be part of that exit,” Russell said and sounded purposely casual as if he didn’t care the mission was successful or not in the end, omitting yet another thing – he did care. He cared a fucking lot.

Okay, this whole thing with the reader is fascinating. Because why does he have to go through all this trouble to find her if they've been a thing for 10...12...14...20-something years?! (Love how the number in Russell's "memory" just kept getting longer. 🤣🤣) It feels so sketchy all around, and oh so intriguing. Why haven't they seen each other in so long? Were they...

And if she's still "in the game," how does Russell think he's going to get her out and settle down with him? 😏

I'm full of questions, but I know you have a brilliant master plan for all of this. I've noticed this about the most recent stories you've created, but you're so very good at writing these law enforcement/military men paired with heroines that share their world, almost the "same foxhole" type of deal. Except for that his heroine partners usually outrank him. 😏

I tend to go the opposite route, partly because I'm interested in the dynamic between these kinds of men and a "civilian," but also because I don't think I'd be able to do the "same foxhole" trope justice. So that's something I really admire about you as a writer. 💜

The push and pull banter between Colter and Russ in this chapter was also so fun to read lol. I could literally quote every moment because it was all so well-written and priceless. And it just kept building up the mystery of the reader and why Russell is doing all of this, right up until that awesome cliffhanger!!

This first chapter hooked me right in -- can't wait to dive into chapter 2 next! 🤩🤩

The Exit Strategy – Part 1

Summary: Russell is ready to hang it all up and retire, open up a brewery, and enjoy the rest of his civilian life. However, there's one important thing missing before he can take the big plunge. Luckily, he knows just the right person to help him find it.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader

Warnings: +18, language, mystery, a tinge of angst, humor & brotherly banter, one tiny surprise 🤓

Word Count: 5.8k

A/N: Happy holidays, guys! Enjoy 🎄❤️

Main Masterlist || Series Masterlist || Tag List

Part 1: This Is Not a Pipe

The heavy truck door slammed shut behind him as Russell slid into the passenger seat with an exhaustive sigh. Colter’s big pickup was parked right next to his beautiful Chevelle in that same old motel parking lot in Virginia.

Russell hadn’t moved – yet. Well, sort of. He’d been away on assignment in some frosty region for a couple of weeks. He wasn’t allowed to say where exactly he’d been, and he knew better than to put it into writing, so let’s just agree he was at the North Pole looking for Santa Claus.

He could’ve ended up anywhere he wanted once he touched ground in the States again, but a very appreciated phone call from a former colleague made the decision for him. Besides, Russell knew this particular motel well. The coffee was more than decent and got the job done, the owner and employees were nice, comforting, and, most of all, trustworthy, and there were always fresh towels.

“Extra fluffy for you, Mr. Russell,” Rosa, the maid, would say every morning with the brightest smile.

Oh, and they had a hot tub in the back…

“Thanks for coming, man,” Russell extended his greeting without glancing at his younger brother once. He could feel Colter’s scrutinizing eyes on him, though, drilling for answers. Granted, his request had been rather unusual, so Russell understood where his younger brother’s ever-frozen furrowed brow stemmed from.

“Yeah, uh, sure,” Colter replied with a polite smile as he started the car and rolled out of the lot.

Ah, yes, politeness…

That was what they were at, although it was progressively improving. It was only the third time the brothers were seeing each other since they had reconnected. And while the last two encounters had given the Shaws some well-needed time to talk things out and build trust, Colter was still naturally wary of his estranged sibling. As was Russell.

“So, what’s this about? You were pretty vague on the phone. You in trouble?”

That finally caught Russell’s full attention. He quickly shook his head, causing his hair to fall into his face. “What? No! No… No trouble,” he swiftly assuaged his brother with a dismissive hand gesture and a lighthearted chuckle. “Just need your help tracking down an old friend of mine, is all.”

Colter quirked an eyebrow at that. “Another Army buddy of yours?”

“Uh, something like that, yeah,” Russell replied rather mysteriously and didn’t even try to conceal the fact that he was hiding something more behind his ambiguous answer. But Colter only intensified his stare at him and wouldn’t let go that easily. Russell knew that. After all, they were related.

Persistence was a Shaw family trait. Another survival skill, if you will.

But this time, Russell wasn’t hiding a big government secret (or maybe he was). No lives depended on this particular mission (or so he thought). He wasn’t protecting a client, a company, or even his dubious employer (but someone else). He wasn’t choked by an NDA or about to save someone in grave danger (as far as he knew).

No, if anything, it was the fact that Russell didn’t know how much he could or should share with his brother. They were related, yes. But, technically, they hadn’t seen each other in decades, so they weren’t just considered merely estranged but strangers. Russell had always been aware of that fact, and Colter was beginning to catch on.

Especially during this mission.

See, once upon a time, the two hadn’t been just brothers. After moving to the cabin, societal contacts became scarce for the siblings. All they had was them. They were friends. Best friends. Always competitive, but friends nonetheless.

How much did they really know about each other now, though? How much of the old was still there?

“So, who are we looking for? What’s the guy’s name?” Colter asked, suddenly eager as he jumped into gear. He had always been restless, even as a kid, which fondly reminded Russell of their childhood.

But how much was he still the Russell that Colter once knew?

Well, Russell, on the other hand, remained calm and ruffled a casual hand through his beard. “Well, she’s, uh–”

Eyebrow cocked, Colter snapped his head to the passenger seat where his brother started to squirm. “Oh… Oh, so it’s a she,” he emphasized with a small grin. “Now I think I get it.”

There it is. I knew it, Russell thought with an internal sigh. In order for this mission to work, he knew he had to reveal some things. Private things. Things about himself and his life. Going in, Russell knew he couldn’t ask Colter for help without giving him something.

Their father had loved tests (and so did you – but that’s another story…). Russell always thought it had been the professor in him. So, Russell saw this as a test as well.

Could he trust Colter? And more pressingly, considering some long held accusations of murder, did Colter trust him?

A clear of Russell’s throat cut right through Colter’s chuckle. And then, the eldest tried his best to give no reaction at all. “Yes, she’s a… woman, but hold your horses. It’s not what you think, okay?” Colter lifted his eyebrow once more, causing Russell to heave another exhaustive sigh. “Fine, alright? It’s exactly what you think.”

Well, close enough, Russell thought. He knew Colter couldn’t even possibly imagine the reality in his wildest dreams.

Usually, Russell was an expert in avoiding uncomfortable questions. He was a pro at ditching answers and keeping secrets, even under torture and duress. However, there was just something entirely unique about dodging questions posed by little brothers.

And Russell saw it as a perfect bonding opportunity. He wanted to fill the chasm between them that their father’s death had caused – once and for all. But he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t walking around on eggshells most of the time – something that reminded him of you again.

Learning from past mistakes, Russell wanted Colter to experience the fun side of him. The one that brewed his own beer, cared too much about his car, and had weird tastes in food. He chose to leave out the rest – the dark stuff and the very best stuff, too.

After all, Russell was good at omitting things.

Colter chuckled triumphantly. “Does this mean you’re finally giving up on Reenie?”

Amused, Russell let out a snort. “Ha! You wish… First things first, alright? Let’s just see how this thing pans out. It’s kind of a long shot. You know that exit plan I told you about?”

“Yeah, you wanna open your own brewery, right?”

He cared a fucking lot.

“Really? Okay.” Colter scratched his jaw and gave his words some thought. Then he offered a small, yet kind, smile. Honestly, Russell didn’t know what he had expected. “But, you know, if you want me to find the future Mrs. Shaw, I’m gonna need more information to go on. A name, last address, or a-, uh, a picture, maybe?”

“Well, name’s not gonna help you much in this case.” Your first name might’ve been shareable intel, but your last name was of the highest classification. “Her last address that I know of was in Berlin. And while I do have one photo of her, it’s not meant for your eyes, brother,” Russell said with a firmly territorial look that still carried a mischievous twinkle, revealing the exact nature of the photograph to be indeed inappropriate.

Russell had one naughty photo, yes. But he had a whole giant box of others, too.

Colter’s eyebrows met above his nose as he licked his lips. Customarily, people gave him more details when they needed him to find someone. But then again, those people usually weren’t his brother. “Do you know anything about this woman? How long have you two dated?”

“Uhm… not that long,” Russell supplied with a clear of his throat before mumbling the rest of his answer, hoping his beard would swallow most of his words. “Ten years. Give or take…”

What is time anyway if nothing but a concept, right?

Colter blinked at him and almost steered the vehicle off-road before gripping the wheel a little tighter. “I’m sorry… Did you just say ten years?”

“Well, might be more like twelve,” he admitted finally. “Well, anyways, saw her last three years ago.”

“Wow, okay, uhm…” Colter became quiet for a moment, speechless probably, the tiny bits of information running on a loop through his mind. He figured his brother still had lived a life while they hadn’t been speaking. Of course he had. He just never thought about what that life might have entailed, aside from classified military operations. “So, you’ve dated a woman for twelve years…”

“Fourteen.”

“…haven’t seen her in three, and know basically nothing about her?”

Russell snorted a laugh. “Yeah, I know. Ridiculous… Not even sure the name she did give me was her real one,” he said. It was a joke. He did know the name. He knew everything there was to know about you. So, maybe he did lie – sometimes. “But it’s the job, you know? It’s-, uh, it’s complicated.”

That part was true. Truer than he could ever possibly describe in words.

“I guess so…” Colter sighed, and Russell could hear the growing frustration. “So, she does what you do?”

Russell nodded. “In a way, yeah…” And Colter knew what that answer meant – he couldn’t say more. Again. “But don’t worry. We won’t have to turn over every stone on the face of this planet. I have a general idea of where she lives these days,” Russell provided. “One of my, uh, associates was working a job with her not that long ago. That’s how I found out she’s back in the States.”

Colter nodded in acceptance, knowing it was no use to try and prod more answers out of his brother. “Alright. Guess that’s something. So, where are we headed to?”

Russell then flashed him a grin with newfound determination sparkling in his green eyes. “Falls Church.”

The short drive had remained quiet for the most part. Colter refrained from asking more questions, knowing he wouldn’t be able to get straight answers out of his older brother in one form or the other. To accentuate Colter’s assumption of receiving non-answers, Russell mostly stared out the window with an intensity that had Colter believe his brother was counting trees when, in fact, Russell was pondering what he would, could, or should tell Colter.

Of course, Colter could also always ask more questions about their elusive father, but he didn’t do that either. Sure, one could say he was curious. More than that even.

What did Russell really know about his death? Their mother? Their family? Their work?

Another time, he kept telling himself throughout whenever he stole glances at his long-lost sibling. It was too soon. What was the point when Russell was so clearly reluctant to share anything at all?

Thus, there was nothing left but silence among peaceful woods and dense foliage till Colter pulled his truck over curbside in the idyllic town center of Falls Church.

Patiently, he waited a moment for Russell to open the floor and tell them their next logical steps. He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, blew raspberries, clicked his tongue, and waited and waited and waited…

Nothing.

If Colter didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought someone carved a lifeless wax statue out of his brother and planted it on his passenger seat. Russell’s entire body stood motionless, only a set of green eyes flickered alive every once in a while and swayed out the windshield in search of something – or someone.

“So, what’s the plan here?” Colter asked with a clear of his throat. “You just wanna stay here and wait till she accidentally runs across the street?” It was meant as a joke, but to Colter’s dismay, Russell remained dead serious.

“That’s exactly what we’re doing,” the older Shaw confirmed and squinted his eyes at the busy street. Again, he had omitted a few things. In his mind, Colter didn’t need to know why Russell knew to be in front of the post office at exactly 15:03 (UTC–4) on a Tuesday.

Colter snorted a laugh. “What? C’mon, that can’t be the plan… Do you know how many people live in Falls Church? Or in the general Washington metropolitan area? We could be here for days. Weeks even…” The younger Shaw then switched fully into work mode, grabbing his phone from the Bluetooth car mount. “We’re never gonna find her like this. You got a phone number, maybe?” But before Russell could answer, Colter replied himself, shaking his head at his own silliness. “What am I even asking? Of course you don’t.”

Russell only smirked at that. Restless, he thought again.

“What about an old one? Maybe even that would help. I could call Bobby, Reenie… You got anything? Nothing?” But the younger Shaw’s questions apparently stumbled upon deaf ears. “Russell? Russ? Are you even listening to me? I’m trying to help you here. You could at least–”

“Found her!”

Russell almost jumped out of the car as his voice rang with sheer excitement. His heart was beating a mile a minute when his emerald eyes landed on the target. It felt like the very first time all over again.

Granted, the first meeting didn’t go so smoothly – there had definitely been some bumps (all on his part). Then again, he expected this next meeting to go a little roughly too (again, all on him).

“Wait, what?!”

Russell downright beamed. “Told you this would work.”

Colter only scoffed under his breath, the familiar competitiveness crawling back to the surface. “Yeah, well, beginner’s luck, okay?”

One boot had nearly touched asphalt before Russell remembered this wasn’t a situation that required him to storm in guns a-blazing – not even covert. Gentle hands, he reminded himself and swiftly closed the car door again, falling back into his seat. His lungs deflated.

Colter, on the other hand, was more confused than ever. “What-, uh, what are you doing?” Half-amused, his brow furrowed a bit more. “If you’ve found her, go talk to her. Where is she? Who is it?”

Curiosity could only be contained for so long. Colter wanted to know who had been a part of his brother’s life for almost as long as he had. He felt this was a key piece of information that would cause the first domino to fall. And then, revelation after revelation about Russell’s past would unravel.

Basically, Colter was waiting for the big epiphany. No pressure.

Russell vehemently shook his head. “Can’t. At least not like this. I need more intel first. You need to find out her name, and then we need your guy Bobby to get onto this.”

And yet again, guess what? Yes, Russell was, indeed, omitting things.

“Me? Why me?” Colter blinked at him. Surprise, surprise…

“‘Cause, obviously, she’d recognize me,” Russell pointed out. Again, omission. Like he had explained earlier, it was a real problem…

Colter exhaled a deep sigh. “Okay, and I’m guessing you’re still not gonna tell me why we’re doing all of this, right?”

“Nope.”

“Yup, thought so.” Still not convinced, Colter narrowed his eyes at his clearly paranoid brother. Maybe paranoia ran in the family. Not to point fingers – he recognized it in himself, too. “Do we really need to go through all that trouble? I mean, you’ve known that woman for, what, fourteen years, you said? Isn’t that a little extreme… even for you?”

Fifteen, Russell corrected in his mind. Close to sixteen. Nineteen max.

“Just trust me, okay? It’s necessary,” Russell reassured, knowing those words bore some weight. Hurriedly (he was getting antsy – this was a time-sensitive issue), he pointed a finger out the window to the sidewalk across the street. “You see that woman walking into the post office? That’s her.”

“What, the brunette in the flowery dress with the golden cross necklace? That’s her?”

“Yup.”

“Wow, okay…” Surprised didn’t come close to explain how Colter felt. He had expected… different. His brow almost met his hairline, but he still tried his best to conceal his wonder – to no avail.

Suspiciously, Russell leaned back in his seat and assessed his brother’s demeanor with a small glare. “What?”

“Nothing.” Colter threw his hands up in surrender, swallowing. “Just… She doesn’t really seem like your type.”

Amused, Russell stifled a chuckle. “And what exactly do you think is my type, little brother?”

“I don’t know…”

“What, you think some nice Christian girl is too good for me?” Russell deadpanned. Admittedly, he enjoyed bantering with his little brother. It reminded him of what he had missed out on for years. This was what he had wanted and longed for since he had left the family at eighteen.

Well, “left” wasn’t really the right word for it now, was it? It implied a voluntary act, and his leaving wasn’t so voluntary.

“That is exactly what I’m saying,” Colter countered, laughing. “It’s just, you know… dental hygienist in a motel hot tub springs to mind.”

“Okay, alright… You done?” Russell huffed, shaking his head. He refrained from showing his honest amusement. “You’re gonna follow her in or not?”

“Alright, I’ll go,” Colter finally agreed somewhat enthusiastically and jumped out of the car, swiftly following the woman inside. After all, he was curiouser and curiouser…

Russell kept his eyes trained on his younger brother until Colter vanished inside the post office. Now, it was out of his hands, only hoping his little brother wouldn’t blow it. Chances were high he would. Not that Russell didn’t have some faith.

He just had more faith in you.

Colter spotted you picking up mail from a PO box and decided on a plan of action in a matter of seconds. After all, he was quick thinking on his feet and the best at what he did. That’s why he was here. That’s why Russell had picked him for the job, right?

As you made your way back to the door, Colter eloquently intercepted you without disturbing the crowd. Another thing he had learned from his father.

He bumped straight into your shoulder and almost tackled you to the ground by the sheer force of his sneak attack. The mail in your hands scattered to the tiled floor like autumn leaves, and as Colter bent down to help you pick it up, he took a peek at your name on a postcard.

“Oh my God, would you look at that… I’m so sorry, Miss–,” the younger Shaw apologized clumsily, “Nora Laurier.” He uttered your name with a suave smile as he handed you back your pile of letters. The flirt in his eyes, however, he only added for Russell as revenge for Reenie. “Beautiful name.”

Your hands lingered on the letters between you for a moment as you took in his features and tall stature. It left you with a strange haunting of familiarity.

“Thank you,” you finally said with a hint of a smile as he let go of the mail. “Be more careful next time.”

“I will. Sorry again.” Colter chuckled with blushed cheeks and watched you leave. He waited till you had passed the row of windows before exiting himself.

He was a good actor, too.

Antsy, Russell almost bit his lip bloody as he stared the post office down till a migraine began to form. God, what he wouldn’t pay for some X-ray vision and super-hearing. He could be downright Superman with that – and the hero always got the girl.

His heart dithered anew with longing as you walked out – it took his breath away. You always did that, and you did it well. But then, you stopped short for a mere second, which wouldn’t have caused a civilian to raise a single brow. But Russell did.

“Shit…” he mumbled in the silence of the truck and lowered himself down to the dashboard. He watched you reach for your phone in your purse and call someone as you headed down the street.

Eventually, you stopped three houses east and finished your call in the shade of a tree next to a busy (and noisy) bus station. Russell caught your eyes drifting back to the doors of the post office, though, just as his little brother walked out and jogged towards the car.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Russell ducked even further down, hitting his head in several places. “What did that knucklehead do?”

The driver’s door opened as Colter casually slipped inside. “Got a name,” he announced victoriously. Part of his happiness emanated from gathering yet another puzzle piece of his mysterious brother – meeting you. “She goes by Nora Laurier now… And she seems nice. Way too nice for you, actually…�� As he drifted off, his eyes searched for the elder one before finding him almost kissing the floor mat. “Russ, uh… What-, uh, what are you doing down there?”

“What the hell did you do?” Russell’s tone was both snappy and frustrated.

“Whoa, what d’you mean what did I do?” Colter waved off defensively. “I did what you told me to do!”

“She made you!”

“She did not make me,” Colter brushed off with a laugh, quite confident of his own skill set. They’d had the same teacher. He would know if you had suspected anything.

“Then why did she wait and look after you, huh?” Russell pointed out in annoyance.

Colter’s lips itched to break a smile. He couldn’t help it. It was the perfect opportunity to teach his flirt of a brother a well-needed lesson. “Well, maybe I caught her eye… piqued her interest, you know?”

Russell cocked a brow from below, his stare lethal. “Did you flirt with her?”

Colter hesitated for a moment. Mostly for dramatic effect. “I-, uh… You told me to get her name. ‘Sides, I told you Reenie was off limits.”

“Oh, so this is about revenge? Very mature.” Russell frowned. “She still there?”

“Where?” Colter stretched himself a bit as he looked out the windshield.

“Tree. Bus station.”

An amused smile formed on Colter’s lips as he spotted you. “Oh, yeah. I see her. I don’t think she suspects anything. She’s not even loo-… No, uh, wait… Yup.”

“What?” Russell’s brows drew together as he rose a little from his crouched position.

“Yeah, she’s definitely looking over here.”

“Well, stop looking down,” Russell hissed through gritted teeth. After a deep breath, he spoke in a calmer, more advising tone, “Pretend I’m not here.”

“Trying to, trust me… Should I wave at her? Smile?”

“Are you nuts?! Just look ahead. Pretend you’re getting a phone call.”

Colter did as he was told and held his phone to his ear. “She’s still looking,” he informed with a pressed smile, barely moving his mouth when he spoke.

“Okay, what’s she doing now?”

“There’s a-, uh, there’s a car coming and pulling over by the bus station. Dark gray Audi A6. Virginia Plates. Yankee-Papa-Charlie-5824,” Colter said as Russell hauled a pen from his pocket and began to jot down the plate numbers on his left palm.

“Copy that.”

He’d memorize them anyway, but one could never be too safe. He could get a concussion in the next hour or so (most likely because of you), and then what?

“Okay, she’s getting in,” Colter narrated. “Driver’s in his late-thirties. Male. Glasses. Medium height. Medium build… I think you could take him,” he added with a teasing grin.

“Shut up,” Russell retorted. “Are they gone now?”

“Pulling away from the curb and… Yep, they’re gone. Headed south down the road,” Colter affirmed.

“Alright.” Russell popped back into his seat with a sigh and some sore muscles. He had been sure he’d heard a few bones crack while he’d been cowering down there. He might be finally getting too old for these missions. But that was part of the reason why he was here in the first place – retirement was calling. And Russell wanted to fill the chair next to him on the porch.

“You good?” Colter checked and choked the small laugh that wanted to escape upon the ruffled sight of his older brother.

“Yeah, go ahead and follow them. Just keep a low profile,” Russell instructed. “On our way, you might wanna call your op analyst, too. See what he can find out.”

“Alright,” Colter agreed somewhat reluctantly but still tailed the sedan. “You sure this is a good idea?”

“What d’you mean?” Russell said mindlessly, keeping his eyes focused on the target vehicle.

“Us… stalking your ex-girlfriend?” Colter noted with a cocked brow. “And her potentially new boyfriend?”

Russell only laughed at that. “We’re good. Trust me.”

Admittedly, though, a small part of him wondered (and worried) if this was all real. Maybe Nora Laurier wasn’t your real name, but it might be your actual new one – one you’d adopted as a safety precaution after you’d left it all behind. Maybe you had finally done it and retired, found a perfectly normal guy, and settled down – just without him.

Or:

Maybe you were still in the game, after all.

Russell was hoping it was the latter. Otherwise, he could probably expect a hefty restraining order in his future, but he wasn’t about to tell Colter that. Not until he knew for sure.

The Audi parked in front of an organic grocery store a few blocks down. Colter chose a spot across the parking lot, keeping a reasonable distance with the perfect view. Russell watched as you and Unnamed Man #1 sauntered into the store, an arm slung tightly around your waist and a smile on your face.

While on the phone with Bobby, Colter could tell that the sight of you in another man’s arms stung. “Okay, uh, thanks, Bobby.”

“What’d he say?” Russell fired as soon as Colter had removed the phone even just an inch from his ear.

“Uh, well, there’s some bad news,” Colter revealed hesitantly and licked his lips, not knowing how he was supposed to break his brother’s heart. “Bobby ran the plate number through the DMV. It’s registered to an Aiden Laurier.”

“Laurier?” Undeniably, Russell’s heart flinched at the connection. “Maybe a brother. Cousin…”

Or a colleague, Russell’s mind stubbornly added.

Colter bit his lower lip hard before he spoke, “They’ve been married for two years. I’m sorry, Russ.”

A hand comfortingly patted Russell’s shoulder. A part of him wanted to scream heavenward, but something else inside was gnawing on him.

He clicked his tongue. “No… No.” Sure, one could argue that denial was always the first step of grief. “No. No way she married sweater-vest John Mulaney over there.”

“I’m pretty sure she did. Bobby sent me the marriage certificate,” Colter countered and showed him the screenshot on his phone.

Russell glanced at it for a short second, not even bothering to waste more time on fake news. He shook his head. He knew better.

“Nah. I’m not buying it. You need to go in there and tell me what you see.” He sealed his words with an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

Colter exhaled deeply. “Russ, I-, uh, I think you need to let this go, man. You’re starting to… Never mind.”

“No. Go ahead. Say it,” Russell prompted with some thunder in his voice. “I’m reminding you of Dad, don’t I?”

Colter only twitched his shoulders. “I mean, yeah. A little.”

Russell’s head bobbed in thought before he met his little brother’s eyes. “You really don’t see it?”

“See what?”

“The post office, the road crew over there, the-, the fake documents?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“C’mon… Just think about everything Dad taught us, huh?”

Was Colter really not getting it? Russell found that quite hard to believe. He had known his little brother to be as sharp as a whip. While Russell didn’t always have the nicest things to say about their father, he could admit the old man had prepared them well for life. Well, one life at least. This one.

The nomad life, the odd jobs that required them to have a particular set of skills like Liam Neeson.

Colter shook his head. “I have no clue what you’re talking about, Russell.”

Russell let out a sigh and leaned back in his seat. “Alright, if you don’t see it, you don’t see it.” A smirk twitched in the corners of his lips. “It’s your funeral, brother…”

With narrowed eyes, Colter pursed his lips. “Alright, just tell me one thing, okay?”

“You know I can’t tell you anything,” Russell reiterated and brushed his beard.

“I know. I know… It’s not that kinda question,” the younger Shaw reassured.

“Go ahead,” Russell relented and curiously looked at his brother.

Within a second, Russell could think of a million questions Colter might want to ask him, but this hadn’t been one of them:

“In the past three years, how many times have you thought about her? And I don’t just mean ‘crossed your mind’ every couple of months. I mean ‘seriously thought’ about her?”

“Hmm.” Russell pondered for a moment before replying, “Every damn day.”

It wasn’t a lie, no omission of anything, and Colter could tell. You were the first thought that popped into Russell’s still groggy mind when he woke up and the last one every night that fluttered across his weary eyelids. Obviously, he didn’t give Colter the soppy answer, though.

“Fine. I’ll go,” Colter softened his stance. “You owe me,” he added with a pointed finger before setting foot outside the car.

“I do owe you. Anything you want, brother,” Russell agreed with a broad grin. “How about we start with a full case of my homebrew, huh?”

Colter danced gracefully through the aisles, spying through canned goods and boxes of cereal. He watched you carefully select fruit with your husband, move through the dairy talking about “organic” and “locally sourced” till you landed on a few choices of toothpaste and finally strolled to the cash register.

Everything seemed boringly normal and ordinary. You chatted with the cashier. They handed you a coupon, which you slipped into your purse. Your husband paid with his credit card (which carried the same name matching the DMV records), and both of you left the store with two paper bags in your arms.

Once through the sliding glass doors, you stopped and turned to your husband. “Darn, honey, I think we forgot the milk.”

“You want me to grab it?”

“No, I’ll do it.”

“Okay, I’ll wait by the car and load the rest of the groceries.”

Now, Colter found that odd. He had watched you spent at least five minutes in the dairy aisle. How could you forget something as basic as milk?

As you hushed inside, your husband sauntered back to the car, and Colter followed you back in. You passed right by the dairy and, with a few looks that resembled a scan of your surroundings, you slipped past the door that led to the restrooms.

Waiting a beat, Colter went in after you. But you were long gone – just not to the restroom. An ‘Employee Only’ door that led to a dumpster alley outside was just falling shut.

Granted, Colter had a bad feeling about this. It was the same feeling he always got shortly before walking into a trap. In his defense, though, you were not a seven-foot-tall, 300-pound kind of guy. He wasn’t about to be ambushed by Shaquille O’Neal, which is probably why Colter didn’t find it necessary to pull his gun.

In hindsight, he should have.

The narrow alley was quiet and empty, except for some trash littering the ground around the dumpsters. It was closed-off, too, wedged between buildings with no view to the parking lot or nearby streets.

And then, something hit him. Or better yet: You hit him. With an elbow to the face and a stiff, flat palm to his throat, Colter stumbled forward before you gave him the final blow and knocked him off balance, tackling him to the ground.

Pressing his cheek into the rough and unforgiving surface of the asphalt, you jumped on him and restrained his arms tightly behind his back. While he squirmed to get out of your hold, he didn’t use as much brutal force as you expected he would.

“Shit,” he muttered below you, his voice muffled by the gravel. A light chuckle escaped him. “Okay, you got me.”

“Sounds about right,” you agreed with a smirk and tightened your grip on his arm.

Then, Colter heard a gun click above him. Hoping to see his brother, he looked up – only to find your husband with a weapon in hand as he stared down the barrel.

“Ah, I think you broke my nose,” the younger Shaw mumbled with a groan.

“Good. You’ve been following me. Why?” you prompted sternly. “Who are you? Who are you working for? Jafari? Mueller?”

“Listen, I-I think you’ve got the wrong idea. I’m not who you think I am,” Colter argued with a strained voice. What the hell had Russell gotten him into? “This is just a big misunderstanding.”

“Uh-huh.” You could only roll your eyes at that. How many times had you heard that line before?

“Let’s hood him. Get him to the Market,” your partner suggested. “We’ll see if he talks then.”

“No, really,” Colter insisted, growing a bit more uneasy. He had no idea what the Market was, but it didn’t sound pleasant. “You know my brother.”

“Who’s your brother?” With your elbow, you put more pressure on his back.

“Ow, alright…” Colter groaned once more as the pain intensified. “Looks kinda like me. Think two decades younger. He was in the Army, so probably didn’t have long hair and a beard. Uh, kind… green eyes? No? Doesn’t ring a bell?”

Colter watched your brow furrow in his periphery as he squinted upwards. He could see the gears starting to turn in your head. You just needed one final push to put all the puzzle pieces together.

“If it helps, my name is Colter. Colter Sh–”

“Shaw,” you shot like a missile. Your jaw plummeted to the ground, your heart springing right out with it. Your grip on the man caught between your thighs loosened, hearing Colter’s sigh of relief before you heard his voice.

“Hiya, sweetheart.”

Your head darted up, the man beneath you long forgotten. You swallowed as your eyes landed on an all too familiar face – even when it was covered by a bunch of hair that had never been there before. The heart-crushing smile was still the same as if it had been ripped straight from an old photograph you had of him.

“Russell?!”

Part 2: This Is a Russell Mission

Quite the entrance! Writing Russell reminded me somewhat of Plastic Hearts Dean (minus the addiction problems unless you count lying) because of all the wild overthinking 😂

If you enjoyed this story, then I'll gladly keep working on its prequel. Was a bit nervous to post this since I filled in some family history gaps myself 😅 I also dove into the books a little and added some things that kinda fit their "show" personalities.

Please let me know what you think and if you'd be interested in a young soldier!Russell series 😉🤍

TAGS:

Forevers: @alwaystiredandconfused @xlynnbbyx @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @blackcherrywhiskey

@deansbbyx @foxyjwls007 @ladysparkles78 @roseblue373 @zepskies

@agalliasi @yvonneeeee @hobby27 @iamsapphine @globetrotter28

@mxltifxnd0m @lacilou @feyresqueen @suckitands33 @onlyangel-444

@syrma-sensei @perpetualabsurdity @deans-baby-momma @yoobusgoobus @jessjad

@hunter-or-the-hunted @k-slla @just-levyy @mrsjenniferwinchester @illicithallways

@muhahaha303 @ultimatecin73 @nancymcl @leigh70 @brightlilith

@nesnejwritings @samslvrgirl @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @fromcaintodean @barewithme02

@thebiggerbear @star-yawnznn

@deansimpalababy

#the exit strategy #russell shaw #russell shaw x reader #russell shaw x you #russell shaw series #tracker #tracker cbs #lovely mutuals #zepskies reads

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lavenderprose · 2 days ago

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So what are your Rook’s interactions with Johanna like post-game? I suppose she’s a permanent fixture in Emmrich’s study now… do they get along?

Oh I'm all for the idea that Johanna becomes their weird Shelf Auntie. Emmrich tries to give her enrichment by taking her outside, facing her out the window, etc, but she gabs SO MUCH unless he puts her on a desk with like six books propped in front of her, each with an enchantment to flip the page every few minutes. This is the best way to keep her quiet.

As for Rook, I think she avoids Johanna as much as possible initially, but does eventually get used to her presence. She knows exactly why Emmrich is keeping her around and while she isn't sure it's the best or most logical solution, she can understand his sentimentality. So she kind of starts to make herself interact with Johanna in the interest of making her own life easier and calmer. She kind of even starts to like Johanna, in a weird way. Kind of like a sister(-in-law) who annoys the ever loving fuck out of Rook, but goes Yap Bark Screech on her behalf when anyone BUT Johanna is annoying her.

In my canon, Rook and Emmrich eventually have a child--Emory, a son, and he exists in most eventualities across the multiple universes of the fics/narratives I currently have percolating. His birthdate is basically the only thing that changes. He presents with magical abilities very early in life--both of his parents are mages, Emmrich an extremely powerful one though it's easy to forget. Emmrich is...Emmrich, and doesn't flaunt his abilities, unlike other powerful mages in the Mourn Watch and elsewhere. Once Emory presents as a mage, Johanna of course takes it upon herself to be as bonkers about it as possible. LET ME TEACH THE CHILD. No Hezenkoss. HE WILL FLOURISH UNDER MY TUTELAGE--

(Emmrich, playing Devil's Advocate: She's not..wrong. Johanna IS a very accomplished necromancer.

Rook: Maker, not you too.

Johanna: [Sustained background yapping])

Between Manfred and Emory, there's a lot of time spent buffing scorch marks out of hardwood. Johanna cackles the whole time. That's basically the dynamic we're looking at.

#Maggie Answers #Johanna Hezenkoss #Emmrich Volkarin #Emmrook #s

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mandalhoerian · 1 day ago

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Gosh I wish you made such big analize about Xavier and Sylus, sometimes I feel so dumb that I can't read so good behind the lines. 😭😭😭

HEY NO CMON NOW NO NEED TO DISCREDIT YOURSELF LIKE THAT!!!! First of all, this is an ongoing game and story, think of it like an incomplete ao3 fic you have theories for. There are HUUGE gaps in there that will be filled later and until then, they are left to the interpretation of the player. It's only natural, there's SO MUCH stuff and lore out there to be consumed, which are often non-linear that it makes things confusing on purpose. It's all about feeding us crumbs about what's coming, of course we get lost!!

Secondly, I made the rafayel analysis because it confused the lights out of me with the constant nagging feeling that I was missing something and that's why I didn't understand most things and wanted to get my thoughts straight. Like the ebb day theories floating out there as to why he was Like That, why he said the things he did out of nowhere and randomly like "what if i take from you will you leave me?" after the topic was JUST about sceneries and the love and art burns me talk after YET AGAIN another art talk about inspiration in pain. I had whiplash over whiplash and felt the need to dive deep into intertidal zone.

It's not like that with Sylus and Xavier (and Zayne's) cards. At least for me. All of them are fairly self-contained compared to his, I feel like. And I'm sure other people have discussed this already, much better than I can as well -- especially Sylus, but I'll put my two cents in for a general review of both their memorias!

Xavier is experiencing negative emotions such as jealousy FOR THE FIRST TIME with MC. He doesn't know how to process these feelings which are allowed to be nurtured in a safe environment when that wasn't the case before in his life. They manifest in temper bursts that stem from a life of being forced to be emotionally blank. He wasn't allowed to be a child or freedom for himself and his thoughts and feelings and wants, so he starts behaving in a childish way -- it's something he's surprised about as well. This happens when you feel safe with a person that those repressed parts begin to open up and you start being yourself more with them. It's sad when you think about it, as cute as it is coming from Xavier. MC is so understanding of him and finding him being "expressive" more as a really positive thing. She's an amazing partner -- because let's face it, if this behavior came from a man in real life, it would be so annoying. Xavier isn't like those other men though, his jealousy doesn't come from a need to control or possess, a place of distrust, projection or disregard of personal boundaries. It's cute because it's followed by healthy communication to allow Xavier to process and grow and open up more, it doesn't threaten the relationship. This is just my interpretation, aside from the context of their previous lives together (the desire to monopolize now that he finally is with her) and this being Xavier's possibly last year on earth that gives a "i've got so little time left and i don't want to waste it" stuff.

And Sylus is. Well. There's a lot in there. The theme here is "their first time", and it's not limited to sleeping together, in my opinon. Theirs is a burgeoning relationship compared to the other "established" relationships. They're new to each other. We even see domesticity from them in MC's house for the first time, though it is a result of Sylus's Onychinus life making an introduction in their relationship as something that has to be legitimately talked about eventually. MC wants to come along with him and know more but Sylus hides a lot from her to keep her safe and separate from him, and yes it's his business and MC doesn't push (the mutual respect is insane here), but it's affecting their time together. Not that MC sees this as a problem because she's always ready to throw down (AND does lock in and gets one step ahead of him).

I read this as MC's first time finally letting him in and her desires/feelings for him that she asked him to stay and kept making the moves when it had all been him before. Her feelings are growing. And you can see how much it pleases him and makes him happy, he was waiting for this -- for MC to voluntarily want him and be honest with him. That's all Sylus wants. He can see into what she wants, and sure yeah he knows, but her outwardly voicing them to him is a different story altogether. It shows she trusts him, and that's important to Sylus.

She was mostly closed off and withdrawn from him emotionally because they have this dynamic that started off hostile that turned into teasing and provoking where she sees being vulnerable with him as a weakness that would be embarrassing. It's a budding relationship, remember? No couple is all in & open with each other right from the beginning, it comes later. And Sylus is a dominant man (not domineering, that's a different word) and I think MC doesn't like being weak next to someone like him, and she perceives a power imbalance there unconsciously even though Sylus wants her to be open so bad and rely on him more and give her everything she wants and needs.

So it's HUUUUUGE that they showed Sylus intertwine their hands together when he had to FORCE IT before. MC is finally receiving him with open arms and you can see he's delighted. It's so romantic first of all, but mans is hungry, BUT HE'S ALSO SO TENDER AND LOVING !!! GOOD FOR YOU SYLUS GET IT. I love this for him and that he felt safe enough to sleep even though he's nocturnal. Or she sucked the soul right out of his dick and knocked him out cold 😭 the sex was so astronomically soul ascending i guess LMFAO

Again, I'm sorry if I got anything wrong. These are just my thoughts, and they are surface level!

#love and deepspace #lads #sylus #lads sylus #sylus qin #xavier shen #lads xavier #l&ds #l&ds sylus #l&ds xavier #sylus x mc #xavier x mc #fandom: lads

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dramaticallytotal · 1 day ago

Text

TDWT Headcanons: PT. 6

Part 1 Last Part

• Lindsay definitely is bringing some of her Admiral Lindsay Her Hotness attitude back for this season, just not as intense. She liked being respected for once, and she liked being relied on. So this season, she vowed she would find the in-between for herself.

• This season, she is even wearing a navy blue jacket that looks kind of like her admiral jacket along with a thick navy blue ribbon headband to replace her usual blue bandana.

• Heather actually has friends this season! Because as much as I love her Queen Bee, lone wolf thing, I think she deserves to make some friends. Leshawna is, of course, one. Harold is surprisingly another. And Noah.

• Leshawna and her have gotten closer, though there are still moments when they argue with each other. Harold respects her game, and they both relate to each other about their siblings, not liking them. It's sad, but it's nice to have someone relate to. Noah was a surprise for her, but it was a little after Action that he reached out and gave her his sister Nila's contact info since she knew what it was like to go from super long hair to short very abruptly. Plus, Nila had tips for growing her hair! Plus, plus, the two like to talk shit about other people with each other.

• It's why Heather hates Alejandro so much. Like, yeah, they need to try and pretend to have crushes on each other, but it's hard to do that when he got Harold to vote himself out. When he got Leshawana and her to fight worse than they ever have before, and when she could tell Noah had a crush on him and the guy flirted with him only to go and flirt with her. It created a lot of space between her and her favorite snark.

• No one is supposed to know about their separate deals with Chris to make the show more interesting, but some people have guessed who has a deal and who doesn't. Though Noah has guessed most of the deals, he doesn't know that Aleheather is scripted.

• Yes, Lindsay and Beth got attested in Paris, but not for what Celebrity Manhunt reported. She never touched the Mona Lisa, but Beth did trip over the ropes, and the security guard was yelling and Beth looked so scared, so Lindsay reacted, and by reacting, I mean , she slapped the security guard.

• Beth's mom, Clara, did bail them out because Lindsay's family were on their own vacations, and she couldn't get a hold of them. When they did hear what happened they of course, paid her back, but Lindsay felt like it's her responsibility to do it, so she agreed to pretend to forget what Tyler looks like and his name. It's to get the money to pay Clara back.

• Courtney, Noah, DJ, and Sierra are all published authors.

• Courtney writes guides on how to make study guides and other self-help type books. Noah writes video game guidebooks as well as coding books. He's actually paid to make the video game books. He's also a beta tester, but no one knows that. DJ writes cookbooks with his Momma. Sierra wrote, of course, books on Total Drama. Basically, guides for those just starting to watch. Like the who's who, the challenges, the teams, secret little Easter eggs she found.

• If Noah gets hurt during an episode, Chris makes sure to call his family and tell them how he's doing. He is friends with Noah's parents, so he feels like it's his duty to let them know how their kid is. (He definitely doesn't count himself in that 'their' no siree.)

• Alejandro is definitely trying his best to make the showmance happen, but every time he goes to flirt and make it seem like he and Heather have something going on, he gets distracted by Noah. Like the way he only wears his glasses when he's sure the cameras are off even though he looks positively adorable in them. Or the way he pouts when something in his book displeased him. Oh! Or the small smiles he gives Alejandro when he strikes up a conversation with the bookworm about his thoughts on books he himself has read.

• At some point, he does want to tell Noah that the showmance between him and Heather is just that, a showmance, but then London happened, and Noah was voted off, and maybe Alejandro feels guilty for letting his emotions take over seeing as Noah was actually a strong competitor.

• He also overheard Chris and Chef talking about how Noah had planned on getting voted out and how the kid did great! "I mean, he saw an opportunity and took it, Chef!"

• That's when he realizes that Noah had planned to get out and used him to do it. Now, normally, that would have probably pissed him off, but nope. It basically makes him swoon. He's whipped.

• Owen does actually hold a grudge against Alejandro for voting off his little buddy. (He doesn't know Noah was planning on it). Noah had told Owen that Alejandro didn't like being called Al before he left, and Owen knows his friend didn't tell him so Owen could mess with the guy. His little buddy told him and asked him to go easy with the nickname since he didn't want Owen to become a target. Target be damned! Owen made it his personal mission to call Alejandro, Al, as much as possible.

• Chris and Chef pseudo adopted Noah together, but Chef definitely pseudo adopted Izzy in his head.

• Izzy has shown Cody her hiding place she made in the vents for when he needs space. Look, she may be crazy but she draws the line at stalking/stalkers. (I know in her biography it says she's stalked boys, but I have elected to throw that out of my canon)

• Yes, Noah planned to get thrown off, but when he realized the producers/network wanted him to basically be a miracle worker after he was done with Aftermath, he was like, "What if...no? UwU" and wanted them to suffer, so he won his way back onto the show. Oh, he'll come back to his job after the show, but he expects a big raise.

• Trent feels bad about Noah being voted off because he finally realized that someone else was suspicious of Alejandro, but Noah told him to vote for him so he wouldn't be made a target. He made a real convincing argument, but Trent still felt bad.

• Trent is trying to lay low, but he does warn Gwen about his suspicions, but everything gets crazy with the cheating plot. Which pisses Trent off because he knows there is no way Gwen would cheat on anyone given what happened with her mom.

Next Part

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luimnigh · 2 days ago

Text

And finally, December:

22 Movies Watched, with 8 Partial Watches

1 TV Special

25 Comic Book Issues

And I started 1 Game.

Now, that 22 movies is clearly an outlier. And with 20/22 of those being watched over the Christmas holidays, it turns out I watch more movies when I feel the need to spend time with my family rather than go to my room. I watch more stuff when I'm not in charge of starting the watching. Go figure.

Details, as always, under the cut:

Movies:

A Christmas Carol (1984): The one with Patton as Scrooge, which notably has Scrooge as a commodities trader. Fairly good adaptation.

That Christmas: Netflix animated Christmas film, co-written by the creator of Love Actually. Pretty great movie, it's definitely stuck in my head since.

Sing: The Illumination franchise not featuring Minions. Fun, feelgood kid's movie. Solid stuff.

The Holiday: One of my Mom's favourite Christmas movies, she watches it every year. It's a fun little thing, mostly about romance than Christmas, but still.

Oppenheimer: I finally got around to this one by virtue of my Mom putting it on and then falling asleep watching it. It's a fascinating movie about the road to hell being paved with good intentions, how justification for immoral acts grow and spread, and how you cannot control what you put into the world once you've done it.

Batman Begins: Directly after Oppenheimer, seems they were doing a Nolan marathon. Gotta say, I feel like after this one Nolan leaned too far into realism and I feel it was detrimental to the rest of his trilogy. This one had a gothic Gotham and while the more fantastical elements were stripped, it still had a secret society of Ninjas who burned society down every so often. I feel like some more magical elements absolutely could have coexisted with this Batman over the latter two films.

Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway: This did something The Fall Guy joked about, and tried to make up for a weaker Act Three by lampshading the weakness of it's Act Three.

The Muppets Christmas Carol: Because of course I did, it's mandatory.

Moana: Still a fantastic movie, one of my favourites of Disney's 2010s films.

Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl: It's Wallace & Gromit, it continues to be a series of hilarious films. I like how it touched on AI art and how the effort of creating something is part of the enjoyment of it, but in a subtle enough way that it doesn't come off as preachy.

San Andreas: You know, I think this is the only movie I've seen where falling glass from a breaking window is depicted as dangerous.

The Quiet Man: For those that don't know: It's a movie by John Ford, starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara, about an Irish-born American returning to his family home and trying to make a life. He falls in love, and falls afoul of local customs. It is absolutely heavy on the stereotypes, and the romance is questionably consensual the entire way through (not helped by the ending, in which our hero seems to treat our heroine terribly... until it turns out to have been an act they planned). If you can get past that, it is a fun movie.

We Own The Night: Cop drama. Not great.

And Now For Something Completely Different: Compilation of Monty Python sketches into a movie. Some of them are better in the TV versions, but it's Python, it's still mostly funny.

Romancing The Stone: Eh. It's a fair enough romantic comedy/jungle adventure.

Superman II: ...y'know, these Superman movies play a lot heavier into the Jesus angle than I remember.

Spider-Man: No Way Home: Y'know, I've seen people say this doesn't hold up now that the Marvel Multiverse stuff in full swing, but I gotta disagree, I still like this a bunch.

The Sound of Music: I gotta admit, the confrontation at the end between Captain Von Trapp and Rolfe is really well-done. You genuinely think he's gonna get through to this kid, and then the guy's true colours shine through.

The Railway Children: ...the pacing is weird on this, because what seems to be the natural climax is just the halfway point. In any other movie, preventing the train crash would happen just before the reuniting with their father.

The Second Best Exotic Marigold: I didn't really pay attention to this, to be quite honest, but I paid enough that I feel I can't call it a partial watch.

Black Panther: Technically, my last movie of 2024, as the next one I watched after midnight on New Year's Eve, but the rule is that it's not the next month until I go to bed. Anyway, still an all-time great superhero movie.

The Guard: An Irish comedy about a corrupt small-town cop who turns out to be less corrupt than the rest of the cops. Genuinely hilarious.

Herself (Partial): Irish drama about a mother escaping an abusive relationship and trying to build a home for her daughters. Harrowing, honestly.

Gosford Park (Partial): Proto-Downton Abbey. You can see the bones there, but also see where edges got sanded down from this.

Cheaper By The Dozen (Partial): Smallville Superman gets bullied by Sam Supernatural for being a farmboy. This is the only subplot I remember, it's mostly chaos.

Elf (Partial): Honestly I gotta get around to watching it in full, it seems fun enough.

Chicken Run (Partial): Animated classic.

Ghostbusters Afterlife (Partial): Technically I saw the whole thing, I just didn't hear any dialogue after the first thirty minutes thanks to everyone visiting on Christmas Eve.

The Italian Job (1969) (Partial): Quite possibly the first ever use of a hacker in a heist film. The prison scenes are very clearly filmed in Dublin if you've ever seen Killmainham Jail. I saw the car chase, that's the best part of the film except for the iconic line.

Forces of Nature (Partial): Ben Affleck, Sandra Bullock romantic comedy? Wasn't great, but it's the only romantic comedy I've ever seen where the engaged lead decides to get married to the person they're engaged to. That's the end. Our leads go off on seperate lives, happy for the time they spent together but knowing they made the right choice. Insane this happens in an otherwise forgotten romcom from the early 00s.

TV Series:

Doctor Who Christmas Special: Joy To The World: Fun little romp. Nice poignant moments. Unsubtle ending.

Comics:

Alpha Flight (2011): Issues 5-8. I was confirming some confusing wording on the Marvel Wiki regarding a kid someone protected that made it sound like it was there. Canada spent some time as a fascist state in Marvel.

Strange Tales (1998): Issue 2. The below comic continues the story, turns out Man-Thing might be a direct descendant of the Biblical Adam.

Man-Thing (1997): Issues 7 and 8. Man-Thing's son nearly gets corrupted by a demon(?). Psychadelic art style. Hard to read.

Howard The Duck (2002): Issue 6. And wow, this series was trying incredibly hard to be edgy. Quite unsure if the cosmology it lays out is canon.

Namor, The Submariner: Issue 4. Double-checking some characters who pretended to be Poseidon's kids.

Uncanny Avengers Vol 2: Annual. Checking out the full story of the Emerald Warlock.

Scarlet Witch (2016): Issues 1-4. Continuing machinations of the Emerald Warlock.

Fantastic Four (2013): Issue 5. In which Julius Caesar is replaced by a Caesar-fanboy alien.

Blade: Vampire Nation: Single Issue. Honestly, I was just checking out why Henry Kissinger was a Vampire.

Master Of Kung Fu (1976): Issues 36 & 37. Shang-Chi meets a dude who claims to be related to Pan. Incredibly confusing story.

Kidpool & Spider-Boy: Single Issue. Sometimes I get asks and have to look up comics to answer them.

Elektra & Wolverine: The Redeemer: Three Issue Series. More of a book than a comic. Interesting story, but added another kid to Wolverine's list.

Wolverine (2010): Issues 305-307. Wolverine fights a Redneck Stereotype Mad Scientist named Dr Rot, who stole pieces of Wolverine's brain and grew them into shapeshifting minions.

Videogames:

Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth (Partial): Fun detective game so far, but I kinda miss the courtroom stuff. The Testimony/Rebuttal just doesn't feel the same.

Looking back, I spent most of last year in a depressive funk. There were some high moments, but after about March I just stopped doing the stuff I enjoy. I didn't read books, I didn't watch movies, the last videogame I played to completion was in May, I only went to the Cinema twice...

I just took the quick dopamine hit from stuff like youtube videos and social media scrolling.

I gotta fix that. I gotta get back to the things I enjoy.

So my New Year's Resolution, probably the first time I've ever seriously done one, is to enjoy more art.

I'm gonna record every movie and series watched, every book read, every game played- and I'm gonna finish a bunch of those I started and never ended.

No goal, just more.

#luimnigh's NYR 2024

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lynyangell · 1 day ago

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WIP Game

rules: make a new post with the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. tag as many people as you have wips. people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, then post a little snippet or tell them something about it!

I swiped this from @scienceoftheidiot because it looked like fun!

I have a lot of WIPs... Oops

Like We Never Loved At All

White Horse

Waiting to Die

We Danced Anyway

Something to Talk About

Couldn't Be Happier

Things We Lost in the Fire

Where Would you Be

I Need You to Love Me

As If

***Redacted cuz spoilers***😅

Meet Me On the Battlefield

Stolen Moments

Those are all for my series! Other WIPs:

Sir

Oh My Dear

Random Brief Lactation Kink Scene (OMgosh 🤦🫣)

Mute Riza for Foxy

Just Wanna Be Mad

Sick Day

Olympics AU

Fudge. Ok. Gotta tag too many people 😅 Of course no pressure tagging!

Looking forward to getting asks on this!

@theblueeyedfirebender @starwritingbri @rene-of-the-blackouts @magipies @usaigi @aquaseekerofdarkness @ajthepeach @baudleaires @bisexualriza @cilasbestos @dr-fancy-pants @edxwin-elric @they-lived @sevendeadlyseas @royai-for-life @quiet-nocturne @peapodsinspace @foxyslittlegarden @momomorriko @klainelynch

#royai #fullmetal alchemist #roy mustang #riza hawkeye #fma #fanfiction #ask game #fandom friends #let's play a game #ask me anything #stolen moments

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meowsticmarvels · 2 days ago

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Does Phi want to live or die: an insane essay because I can't stop thinking about it [PART I]

hi!!! so i said not too long ago (like literally a few hours ago) that i'd been working on this analysis but considering this post is getting very long and tumblr's glitching and bugging out a lot (it's over 6k words!) i'm gonna post this part first as is as a little treat, and the second part will come a bit later once i write the rest of it. i'll link it here once it's done!

I've been meaning to write a proper analysis on Phi for a while (see my more proper grammar while writing this which is Unusual for me) and while there is too much of her I think abojt a lot to write ONE BIG ANALYSIS I think this topic is a pretty good one. There's a lot to be said in the wake of all of this on how Phi feels about herself and the roles she's meant to play and her own self-worth, the affects of Radical-6, and the impact the events of VLR have left on her onto ZTD (spoiler alert: it's trauma) which I will get into here. Will be up for further commentary if anyone has any + if there's any other particular topic I find interesting about her (I.e. her familial relationships, the matter of trust in her dynamics with others, her backstory/mysterious presentation and framing, or analyses where i could say how a hc would affect the narrative e.g. her being trans. id love to talk abojt that sometime.) i might get into that another time

i will preface this with a few notes:

1. If you're a little confused at why I'm even asking this it's because there's a bit of a disparity on if Phi seems to be okay with the idea of dying or not. it seems to vary by timeline and circumstance and by what the purpose of her death would be and THAT'S what I'm digging into. basically "is she okay with the idea of being a sacrifice". parts i will be looking at PRIMARILY will be K End and Another Time End in VLR and Fire / Outbreak (D-END 1) of ZTD, but others will be mentioned obviously

2. she is NOT okay with the idea of people dying FOR her and I will get into that also

3. Of course spoilers for VLR and ZTD will be in this post, and while 999 isn't really going to be discussed at all since she's not in that game by proxy as sequels they will spoil it too. So please I'd reccomend only reading this if you've played all 3 games and/or are okay with spoilers if you haven't. But I won't be giving exposition to the plot here.

4. Additionally, I'm going to warn for talks of a lot of death (obviously), trauma, and self destructive behavior/suicidal ideation. Radical-6 by nature IS going to cause this but the nature of the topic also means the things I'm going to be talking about in the way Phi views herself is going to be a little fucked up. She's fucked up.

5. Any screenshots used will likely be taken trom someone's playthrough or the LP Archive, however I'm planning on just inserting quotes into the text when possible.

anyways!!! here comes the analysis. LONG post incoming

TABLE OF CONTENTS (only I-VI are in this post)

- VLR -

I. SURVIVAL OF THE SELFISH

II. K END

III. RADICAL-6

IV. ANOTHER TIME

- ZTD -

I. SURVIVAL OF THE SELFISH

V. AFTERMATH

VI. FIRE

VII. OUTBREAK

VIII. SUPPRESSION

IX. SELF-DEFINITION

At the start of Virtue's Last Reward and throughout most of the plot mostly early game Phi could very well be described as a selfish person. She acts in her own self interest primarily and will betray others if it means guaranteeing her own survival. It's not that she's completely against cooperation, otherwise the end wouldn't happen, and she isn't willing to go so far as to kill to save herself, but this is still important to consider. One day I'll get more into the nature of trust and how she pushes people away but I'm just going to mention it a bit here. The nature of the AB Game requires complicated moral dilemmas like this. Some characters are more selfish or selfless than others and will betray or ally in specific circumstances, and during the start of VLR, Phi could definitely be seen as the latter.

SIGMA: Damn... you're pretty cold, you know that? PHI: I prefer bold, but whatever. I just don't let emotions get in the way.

This is an interesting line in of itself that she doesn't actually LIKE being perceived as cold - and states here that she just "doesn't let emotions get in the way". Which I assume is both her own and other people's. Despite her cold and unemotional demeanor she does really feel a lot of things quite deeply, as evidenced by Way too many scenes for me to list, it's just something she tries not to let get in the way of decision making. Usually. This is important. But what's also important is her actual opinion on acting this way, on routes where she talks about the Prisoner's Dilemma:

PHI: In this game, if each individual acts for the benefit of the whole group, everyone benefits. But if everyone starts looking out for themselves, it'll impact the group negatively... And eventually it'll impact them negatively too. If all of us choose "betray" then the group gets 0 points. Ultimately, nobody benefits. Not even the individual. In other words, selfish but logical decisions hurt everyone, and they hurt you.

before I get into what this means, I'll also bring up this segment:

SIGMA: What you're saying is that I should pick "ally". PHI: No. I mean the opposite. SIGMA: What?! PHI: If you're going to make the most logical choice here, the only option is "betray". SIGMA: What?! Why?! You just explained why that was a terrible idea! PHI: No, I didn't. It's not the prisoner's solution. It's the prisoner's dilemma. Even though there's an outcome where everybody's happy, the choice you'd have to make for that outcome isn't the rational one. You want to pick it, but you can't. A dilemma.

This is at its core the heart of how the AB Game works, really. The ideal of the game WOULD be for everyone to Ally and escape together, which is what happens in Phi End, but not with countless (we see 20+) other timelines in which that doesn't happen because of various reasons that people can't cooperate or die too soon. It's a dilemma. You can't really guarantee how the other person will act, unless it's someone like Dio or Luna who will almost exclusively Betray or Ally respectively, but even they don't always act that way and have reasons for doing so. It's incredibly difficult and perhaps even ridiculous to expect all 9 players - all strangers - to vote Ally, especially with preconceived notions of eachother and secret personal goals to escape. And Phi is incredibly conscious of this. She knows she can't trust anyone to for sure Ally, but Betraying is a "safe" option especially in the first round and the more logical to protect yourself. Even if it means getting others into the 1 BP territory. She plays the game carefully. Even though in the first round she isn't actually supposed to know that dropping to 0 BP or below will kill you and only really knows because of morphogenetic field/time jump stuff, based on that inexplicable feeling she acts this way. The fact that everyone Allies in Phi End at the later point is almost a fucking miracle.

There's a lot I could go into in terms of Phi and the nature of trust in the AB Game but my main focus for bringing this up is protecting herself to survive. A desire to stay alive, in some way, e.g. instances where she has only 1 BP.

In contrast to all the Phi End talk here's the "everyone Betrays" scenario on tbe way to Alice End. Naturally Betraying when going against Dio is the logical option but there's a LOT of risk involved here.

ALICE: Two other people just tried to kill someone! SIGMA: Phi and Dio. ALICE: Yes! If Dio had chosen "ally", Phi would have killed Tenmyouji. And if she'd chosen "ally", Dio would have killed her.

Funnily enough this is not the only time Dio attempts to kill Phi (see: Dio End which Phi also DOES retaliate at him for. i love violence). But my point is here the weight in the decisions here. Both Allying OR Betraying is insanely risky for Phi in this scenario. An Ally, and Dio has no qualms with letting her die. With Tenmyouji out of the picture to take care of Quark, Betraying is the safest option. Even Alice says it's a "valid defensive move". But what's really interesting is the conversations this sparks.

TENMYOUJI: Hmph. Hard to trust someone who tried to kill me. PHI: Same to you. I told you letting Dio vote was a stupid idea. What did you think he was going to do? You might as well have pressed the button yourself! TENMYOUJI: I couldn't just leave Quark alone. PHI: That's no excuse. And where do you get off telling me I shouldn't have picked "betray"? Did you even think that through? What, I was supposed to pick "ally"? If I'd done that, I'd be dead right now! TENMYOUJI: I could say the same thing to you! Damn good thing Dio didn't choose "ally"!

This conversation is so so interesting to me. It puts a rift between Phi and Tenmyouji where there wasn't before because the other could've been killed, and Dio stands in the way of all of this by virtue of voting for Tenmyouji. There's a LOT I could say here especially on Tenmyouji's sake about Quark, but my focus is Phi here. Take a look at the text I put in bold above - "If I'd done that, I'd be dead right now". Which doesn't mean a whole lot on its own other than that Phi is willing to protect her own life at this point, but keep this in mind for future reference as it's a major contrast from a lot of other things she says on the topic of death.

II. K END

I'm not going to preface this by listing everything that happens in this ending, but all you need to know is at the point I'm focusing on, eventually K(yle), Dio, and Phi need to go through one of the white Chromatic Doors together. That's the only way they can go through. Dio is killed and has his bracelet smashed and nonfunctional which leaves both Kyle and Phi up for a penalty. Death. That's the gist of it, at least. Of course I know that Kyle was the one that killed Dio and smashed his bracelet in a fucked up way of seeing if Sigma would pick Phi or him as a method of testing his father's love, but really, the focus of my analysis here is on Phi as one of the sole remaining survivors in this ending. Many of the lines in this end are self-explanatory so I won't comment too much on the ones I selected but I pulled a few I felt were relevant.

PHI: Go on ahead, Sigma. You have those bracelets K gave you, right? You should be able to get through the secondary door with those. So just— SIGMA: Fuck that! You know I can't just ditch you guys like that!

^ Phi is surprisingly okay with the idea of Sigma just leaving them to die (likely since him staying behind puts his life at risk too, and as will be shown she does not like the idea of people dying for HER)

More text incoming as Sigma decides to have Phi be the one to be saved with the neostigmine due to Kyle's armor and Sigma not even thinking about himself. This is one of the most interesting parts of the route to me:

PHI: S-Sigma... What the hell...did you... SIGMA: I injected you with neostigmine... It's a type of cholinesterase inhibitor...It's the antidote to the muscle relaxant... PHI: Why did you...pick...me?

A bit self explanatory here and will make a bit more sense when discussing Fire but I really like Phi asking why she would be the one to survive. It's interesting IDK

PHI: No... Screw this... I don't want...to live if it means...being in debt...to you... No...goddamn...way... I'm not...gonna...

Once again pay very close attention to the highlighted text. That particular line is fucking fascinating to me. There's the idea of a "debt" to be paid with sacrifice here, as if she feels she owes Sigma some eternal debt that she can never repay in this timeline. And that's not worth living for in her eyes. She doesn't want to live with that weight. But she's doomed, in a tragic way, to survive it. I'll continue more on this idea when I get to Fire in ZTD on the nature of Phi being incredibly against sacrifices made for her life to be saved, but for now I think it's just worth pointing out how much she hates the idea. Hell this dialogue implies she would rather have just been let to die than to live with Sigma's sacrifice weighing on her and that's fucking interesting. And also really sad. Being forced to live in a doomed timeline where only a few people are alive is almost worse (if memory serves right I think Quark is still alive here but then again he's a 10 year old child). Nothing is elaborated on further in this timeline as Phi passes out from the anesthetic and Sigma and Kyle die, but this is a timeline where she's doomed to wake up eventually to their dead bodies. Not many people are left here other than Quark and maybe Luna. It's a dead end.

III. RADICAL-6

I was going to have to talk about Radical-6 eventually, wasn't I. Before I really get into this I'll mention the obvious: one of Rad6's main symptoms is causing suicidal ideation. This isn't shown outright with Phi in particular at any point, but she does show the symptoms, in its most extreme way, in Clover End.

SIGMA (NARRATION): In the middle of the lake of blood, like an island of flesh, were bodies. They were a bloody tangle of lifeless limbs and dead eyes, with too much blood and chaos for me to tell who was who. Had they sliced themselves open? Or stabbed one another? I couldn't tell.

Phi slices her own throat.

The effects of Rad6 are, obviously not actually a person's real intentions nor are they thinking clearly to do so, but it's still worth addressing in this case because Phi will very likely remember this ending in Zero Time Dilemma. She very well has the possibility to remember what it's like to feel feelings exacerbated and caused by the virus and the act of suicide itself because of all the esper shenanigans possible here. So although this says little about Phi's ACTUAL intentions and opinions towards death because of Rad6's influence, it's still a point I felt was worth mentioning due to that. And it's hard to discuss the topics of death and suicide without bringing up Rad6 in some capacity.

IV. ANOTHER TIME

As stated I'll go into Another Time End a little bit but mostly just exploring the idea of more doomed timelines here. This is where I managed to put the dialogue from failing to disarm the bombs in Phi End.

PHI: Our time's up. This is it. Before...well, before it ends... I wanted to tell you thanks. You knew we were about to die, but you still stuck with me. A lot of people wouldn't have done that. You're a good person. There's...one more thing. ...I'm glad I met you. The moment I saw you, you seemed...familiar. Anyway, thanks. It looks like our time's almost up. Hopefully the others will make it. There isn't much hope for us, though. I think this is— SIGMA: Don't you dare say "goodbye." PHI: ...What? SIGMA: We'll meet again. Somewhere. Somewhen. I guarantee it.

Sigma is right, by the way, in terms of things like SHIFTing its entirely possible he was alluding to that here, but it's the sentiment that matters. Dying is not either of their decisions at that point, and a cruel fate since this timeline only exists when neither of them can find the necessary passwords. And god is this interesting. Granted this says more about how much Sigma actually truly meant to Phi as much as she refuses to admit it but I still feel it's relevant. This is what happens when a threat of death becomes fate. I want to point out a specific part of that segment just because it's really interesting to me:

PHI: [...] You knew we were about to die, but you still stuck with me. A lot of people wouldn't have done that. [...]

I can't really explain why I like this line so much. But this entire part is a really interesting moment of an example of character growth, even if it spans however many timelines Phi ended up seeing and jumping between. And this line... I don't know. I'm not sure if it's a comment on that most people wouldn't stick with her specifically or just most people are selfish by nature, but either way I really like it. The focus of this analysis isn't Sigma and Phi's incredibly close dynamic even though they rarely will actually admit how much they mean to each other but it's so so necessary to think about I think. Despite everything, all the deaths and betrayal and hardship, Phi's glad she met Sigma. On the topic of character growth and/or Phi caring about others more than she lets on, though, there's also this part from the same excerpt:

PHI: [...] Hopefully the others will make it. There isn't much hope for us, though. [...]

It's important to think about the fact that Phi isn't completely selfish and cruel. She has her moments and is notoriously very cold and blunt but is nowhere NEAR the level of selfish that people like Dio reach and at least cares enough about the safety of others to hope they're okay. There's way too much other evidence for me to bring up the fact that she does actually care about people more than she lets on (especially Sigma and Quark most notably), so I'm not going to bring up every single piece of evidence that proves this but there's a lot. My point is that even though she has her relatively selfish and cold moments in VLR a lot of them can already be justified as an act of self-defense AND she's got a lot of actually genuinely caring moments beneath face value. She's just got a bit of a prickly exterior and isn't really used to people getting close. And by this end she's already begun to warm up to getting a bit closer to the participants of the third Nonary Game (bar Dio obviously she still very much hates him in this timeline)

This is relevant because very soon I'll be getting into the changes she goes through between VLR's Phi End and ZTD, so really understanding how she operates throughout VLR is necessary for really getting into the change. Setting up a basis for how she acted before and contrasting it to her ZTD characterization - that's pretty much what I'm doing here.

I want to go more into Another Time END a bit later (in the context of D-END 1 and in the context of her self-definition) but I'm putting this quote here for necessity and to get you thinking. Pay very close attention to the text I put in bold.

PHI: I'm kind of an unknown variable in this situation. You could think of me as a kind of... x-factor. It's taken me the last three and a half months to understand it. ?: And I haven't understood anything in the last three and a half seconds. Could you please explain? PHI: It's kind of like the relationship between classical mechanics and modern physics. Strictly speaking, you can't combine velocities with (v1 + v2). (v1 + v2) / (1 + (v1 x v2) / c^2) is the actual equation. Of course, the sort of velocities we encounter in day-to-day life don't come close to being c^2, which is the speed of light squared. That means that (1 + (v1 x v2) / c^2) is usually going to evaluate to something pretty close to 1. Since that would mean dividing by 1, it's usually okay to just skip that step and use (v1 + v2). You see what I'm saying? In most situations it works, even if it isn't technically correct.

And this, from the part where Sigma and Phi jump back in time to stop Dio from killing Akane. I don't have too much commentary on it but in the grand scheme of things I felt it needed to go somewhere.

SIGMA: People have died for this. I mean, let's count how many different ways people died... Murder, antimatter explosion, suicide... I've died. So has Phi. So have you.

V. AFTERMATH

AKANE: The purpose of the AB Project was to send the two of you into the past. Or your minds, at least. In order for that to happen, some death was necessary. When a human brain is faced with danger, its processing speed increases. Information is processed more quickly, and time almost seems to slow—a few seconds can feel like an eternity.

I don't think I have to prove that the events of all three main Games across the ZE series are incredibly traumatic for everyone involved. Junpei in ZTD is the most extreme representation of this but practically nobody really leaves any of these games the same. Granted, danger is necessary for a SHIFT to occur - as stated above and in many other parts of the series danger increases esper abilities - but this does not make the presence of danger any LESS catastrophic to Fucking You Up Quite A Bit. Most espers end up remembering their own deaths by the end of it all. While one of the less obvious cases, Phi does seem to clearly be damaged quite a bit by the events of VLR at least in my opinion.

She has virtually no dialogue in the written Prologue, so instead the best I'm getting for this part of the game is the flashback in Fire with her and Diana:

DIANA: Something the matter? PHI: No, not really... It's been three days since I came to Dcom… But nothing's happened. Nothing strange at all…

[...]

PHI: Hey, Diana. I want to ask you something... Would you mind…giving me a hug? DIANA: …Huh? PHI: I'm just... really tired...

I don't think I have to go into detail how especially the last part is a stark contrast from how she acts throughout almost all of VLR. She lets herself be vulnerable and exposed to Diana in a way she really doesn't allow other to people see here and it's so fascinating to me. Diana is someone she can trust to let down her barriers. Someone Phi can actively ask for support when she needs it as much as she doesn't want to admit she does. Their dynamic is REALLY interesting and what this is really indicative of is too I think. The first quote brings up her, Sigma, and Akane's time at DCOM specifically to stop the spread of Radical-6 - and they've got a few days of DCOM where nothing happens. Only a few, granted, mentally Phi has just experienced VLR and went straight to DCOM afterwards, but even these few days feel strange now that nothing's happening. After experiencing the insanity that is VLR this completely makes sense that it's just weird to be in some sort of neutral zone where nothing's happening but it's STATED to happen. And it does, the Decision Game happens later, but how does it feel to just be in wait? The second quote is interesting, also, as she lays it out plainly: she's tired. Maybe this is just situational and not a result of exhaustion or anything similar but I do believe it definitely impacted her to a great amount - as evidenced by her change in behavior to ZTD. She's much more trusting and has learned that since, but much more self-sacrificing at the same time. These next few quotes I'll elaborate on more in the self-definition segment, but they're important:

DIANA: "Not even gods can return to the past, so live in the moment so you have no regrets." That's not the right interpretation? PHI: Well, if you take it at face value. I guess that'd make sense, if I was a normal human being. DIANA: Does that mean that you're not?

This is what Phi and Diana say about Phi's brooch - "Not even jupiter can find a lost opportunity". Phi's wording is interesting, here - she's talking about her status as an esper, but as of this point in the story that's something Diana's not supposed to know (never mind her being one), but her phrasing as labelling herself "not a normal human being" is really really interesting. She certainly isn't, but it feels all the more permanent - can she ever go back? Will she ever be able to? What's considered 'normal' to her? Similarly,

PHI: Hey, this isn't normal, right? DIANA: It is. You're a completely normal girl, Phi.

Not a lot I can say here - I want to roughly try to stay on topic, but in terms of analysis I really like this line. Phi doesn't consider what she's doing 'normal', at least not with someone she barely has met. I also really like Diana's response to this; she reassures Phi by telling her that this is normal, what she's feeling is okay and normal to feel, and she is too. While Phi isn't 'normal' by definition of not being an esper, despite the weight of the world on her shoulders and her cold exterior she is still human. She's not perfect, she DOES feel things, and that's okay. This has gone slightly off topic but I feel like this part's worth mentioning somewhere in the grand scheme of things or for ANY analysis at all, and will be brought up again in the self-definition section. But there's more to Phi and Diana's relationship once the actual Decision Game begins, and what it means for Phi's idea of her own self-worth.

VI. FIRE

SYSTEM: Incinerator startup... will now commence. Incineration in... thirty minutes.

This is the big one. The big fragment I've been building to, and part of the reason I wrote this analysis at all instead of focusing on a different theme related to Phi such as family or trust (both interesting still, though). Once again, I won't preface this by explaining the fragment - but here, Phi's in the incinerator (reminiscent of 999...). A lot of the way she acts here is of major interest to me, especially after the puzzle room - notably she's incredibly self-sacrificing. I won't say that she's completely apathetic to her death, because she isn't:

PHI: I need to stop firing myself up or else I really will be… PHI: ...Stay calm, Phi.

But, I mean, who wouldn't when placed with the threat of burning to death. It's a slow and painful way to die, at that. But you'll see a lot throughout this fragment is Phi's mentality of "rather me than them" - as painful as death is, at this point she'd rather be the martyr to save their lives than the opposite.

PHI: Diana and Sigma are over there... Damn! Why am I here... But it's better that I'm the only one who got locked in.

At this point she doesn't know her death would save their lives (the true rules of the decision in this fragment haven't been revealed), but is still willing to be the martyr as she's the only one currently at risk of dying as far as all of D-Team knows. Maybe it's because she can SHIFT out, maybe it's because she sees herself as a worthy sacrifice, maybe it's both. This is also all the more noteworthy knowing she and Sigma both remember VLR - they've both died, both had to make sacrifices, and been through many of the same circumstances. Although where it is in their memory is different - for Phi it's mentally a few days prior and for Sigma it was decades ago but he's spent those decades creating it (and without the ability to talk to Phi) - that doesn't get rid of their bond. Phi's bond with Diana is a little different since the only scene they get is the flashback (if you want my personal opinion, I feel like Phi should have taken a bit longer to trust her or at least be wary; maybe not as slowly as it took her to trust Sigma, but it feels out of nowhere IMO. it could still show her development with coming to trust people but still provide an interesting and heartbreaking bond), but nevertheless still important. And then comes the decision.

DELTA: Diana, both of their lives rest upon your decision.

PHI: How dare you not consider everyone else's feelings, Sigma! What if the shot is a live bullet?! Do you really want Diana to end up blowing your head off with her own hands?!

What does Diana do? Sacrifice Phi's life for a guaranteed chance of saving Sigma? Or risk Sigma's life - a 50/50 chance of him living - to save Phi?

This analysis isn't about Sigma so I won't go too far into detail about his lines, but the important thing is that he's willing to risk his life for Phi - and it's the logical decision in his mind, since there's a chance of everybody living. If Phi dies, someone's guaranteed to die, but if Diana shoots Sigma, there's a 50% chance they all make it out alive. It's the more pragmatic decision, however Phi is very against it.

It feels a bit like the expected roles they'd play have reversed since VLR, or at least for a scenario like this. In a way, she's right - Sigma barely considers the fact that he might die. And the implication of her bringing up Diana is also a really interesting point of consideration that Sigma also doesn't think about - Phi knows Diana won't be able to handle the guilt of killing Sigma. She knows that, and in the timeline where that does happen, she's right. Sigma's sacrifice isn't just a simple detached death like with Phi's; if Diana chooses to shoot Sigma and he does die, she had an active role in his death. Which is sort of the complexity behind the trolley problem in the first place (it essentially is a sort of trolley problem - except there's a chance they'll both live and both victims are asking to be a martyr to save the other). I also want to call to attention Phi's specific wording of everyone; she mentions just Diana at the end, but given her difficulty with expressing her own feelings it doesn't feel like a stretch to assume that this is about her feelings too. Looking at her reaction in the ending where Sigma DOES die (which I will get to), it's clear she really can't bear to lose Sigma either. Not after everything. Not after all of this.

DIANA: But Phi, if I don't pull the trigger, you'll... PHI (facing away): Don't worry about me.

Like I said, she seems to believe herself to be expendable in this situation. Sigma can't die - she can't handle that, but in her eyes, she can. If it means he and Diana live. She basically asks Diana to let her be the sacrifice, even though there's a chance they can all make it out alive. I also will point out that while Phi had some moments of this in VLR, this is a stark contrast between her much more self-interested characterization there. Also, note what I wrote down in the quote - while ZTD's models aren't the best or the most expressive, I think it's an interesting detail that she faces away from them for a moment and while saying this. So what's Diana meant to do? Pull the trigger, and leave open the possibility of everyone living while it risks her killing Sigma? Or let Phi burn to death? Sigma wants her to pull it - it's the more pragmatic choice, they can all live, maybe - and Phi wants to ensure that Sigma won't die. Even if it means she burns to death. We're able to see all three options, but most of them aren't pretty.

As it's the shortest of all three options by a long shot, I'm going to first discuss Shoot: Live; where Diana shoots Sigma and he dies. There's not much to preface this with other than what's on the tin: Sigma has died by Diana's hand in an effort to save Phi.

PHI (crying): Why?! Why did you do it?! You murderer! Murderer! I wasn't... I didn't matter at all! I didn't...! I didn't...! So why... Why did you...

Yeah. It's a pretty heartbreaking route, and probably the most emotional Phi is seen as being apart from near the end where she yells at Delta, maybe. Every part of her that she's held together up to this point just falls apart. The subtitles/captions don't do it justice as her VA sounds a bit more like she's struggling to get out what she wants to say at all. Like as if she's so upset and broken by witnessing Sigma die right in front of her, and FOR her, that she basically breaks down right here. Hell, right after this line she stops actually saying anything and just cries until Diana picks up the gun. (side note: not to nitpick but the some of pauses here sound like the type of pause that would be used with an em dash rather than an ellipsis. take that as you will)

It's easy to wonder why she'd call Diana a murderer, of all things, considering the extremity of that accusation and Phi KNOWING she was forced into that situation, but once again you have to consider Phi's emotional state. It doesn't even sound like she's speaking clearly, and grief and trauma makes people do and say pretty fucked up things sometimes (and especially when it's someone so close to you. Phi also WATCHED Sigma die). Given the fact that she already didn't seem to be doing the best in the first place it mostly just seems to be something she said in the moment out of grief rather than an accusation with any real weight behind it. It's not completely out of nowhere - and may imply some sort of resentment towards Diana for choosing to pick that (which I will also get into in Shoot: Blank) - but my point is this line should be taken with a major grain of salt. Maybe some of it comes from somewhere, such as hidden feelings suddenly being vocalized and taken to their extreme, but not all of it may be how she really feels and just an inflation due to her mental state.

Another thing to consider is her constant questioning of why - why would Diana ever pick Sigma over her? Why would she make that decision? Phi can't fathom it. Even though Sigma did say it's the more logical situation because that means there's a chance they all could've survived, she still doesn't understand that she'd even be worth sacrifice. See the K End segment for more on Phi hating people - especially Sigma - sacrificing themselves for her (I'll get to it in Suppression but she seems to cope better when the death isn't FOR her to live, if it is she seems to deal with it a lot worse), but here its taken to its extreme.

I also need to point out the text in bold. It's so so important to this I think. She doesn't think she's worth the sacrifice. She didn't matter, doesn't matter, so why would Diana do it? Why would she risk Sigma's life? Again I'll point out that Phi's self-sacrificing nature here could be a result of many things; maybe because she can SHIFT out and she's done it before (too many times, maybe), maybe because she's just that willing to die for Sigma and Diana to live, maybe it's a mix of it all, and any of those could ring true here. But my point is that it seems like she doesn't understand Diana's decision or that she could really be worth dying for. She didn't matter, after all. (once again, take this with a grain of salt, but still.)

This route ends not long after this but I do want to mention how much of a horrifying dead end it is. Phi was right about Diana being unable to handle the guilt, and she kills herself - leaving Phi alone. On the topic of how Phi's more emotional here than before, she literally screams at the end of the fragment before the "Game Over" screen plays. This is the worst possible end to Fire, I think - two people die instead of the expected one, and the sole survivor is struggling to cope with even one of the two deaths she just witnessed. That was enough to cause her to break down completely. Adding onto that another death of someone she cares about, especially a suicide, is A Lot. For anyone it would be. It makes sense why it just ends right there; where else would it go, really, and anything that could happen is fairly bleak, but it's interesting to think about. Anthropic Principle confirms she lives, and considering the revelation that all of D-Team is poisoned from the start in Don't Shoot it implies she drank the antidote. But where does she even go from there? In the timeline where C-Team all dies, she ends up as the sole survivor, even. I don't know. But it's an interesting thing to think about for an absolutely heartbreaking and tragic end. It's a dead end, really. What's Phi meant to do now? After all this? After losing the people she cared about?

in the second part I'll continue starting from Shoot:Blank - but the rest of the analysis will go there. i'll link it in this post once it's done! i'll even include some deleted lines from Fire from TCRF because they're quite interesting ! feel free to leave any commentary you have (so far) in tags or replies because i'd love to hear :} (also note: everything up to near the end of Aftermath was written months ago, the rest was written in the past few days)

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