#of course the solution (Jesus) was within me all along. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dailyaudiobiblechronological · 1 year ago

Text

11/23/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Acts 15 - 16

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm. Jill today's the 23rd day of November. Happy Thanksgiving everyone this is a day we set aside to stop and pause and consciously give thanks with the people that we love family and friends and sometimes friends that are family. it seems to me one of those acceptable days to eat far too much and it's funny and probably middle of last month is when my son Ezekiel and I start craving this day of carb overload and now it is upon us so, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you who observe this day and maybe we could just stay in that mindset of gratitude. Thanksgiving pausing consciously and verbally expressing the things that which we are grateful and thankful for to God and to one another I am extremely grateful for every gift of one of my five children my two additional children and spouses that gives me another daughter and another son and my five grandchildren and of course an amazing man that I get to call my husband. and I am so grateful for each of you and this community that you're here for your love for your prayers for your support and for your love for one another. Jesus said that's how the world will know that we are his by the way that we love one another and you all do it so well so, Happy Thanksgiving. moving right along we're here to read the word, we're back in the book of Acts today reading Acts chapter 15 and 16 and this week we're reading the New Living Translation, Acts chapter 15.

Commentary

So yesterday we read in the Book of James one of the messages of endurance, and then today we see the message of endurance played out with Paul and Silas. and I hope that we can grasp this concept of persecution because I know I've heard that word thrown around in the last few years of religious persecution as it relates to our religious freedom but to really grasp the context the word of persecution that's happening within the early church and for those who don't know church history, it carries on for centuries people literally dying for a difference in beliefs for professing the name of Jesus. so unless we know anyone that has personally died for their religious beliefs it's hard to really understand that concept and I would argue further that we are Miss using the word persecution. to be beaten for your faith as a concept most of us will not understand so we could argue that Paul is just merely exercising his religious freedoms by commanding a demon out in the name of Jesus those words got him and Silas beat and imprisoned. Silas is Guilty By Association and I hope we can hear this and not adopt this as a solution to a formula of Faith, because we tend to do that oh if you just start singing Praise songs, In the story with Paul become empty rhetorical formulas to people in hardship and suffering is a very maybe insensitive response to hardship suffering the brutality of life and the brutality of Life at the hands of fellow Believers, that may differ from us in our theology but what I hope we do gather is the depth of belief and Faith and Hope and endurance from Paul and Silas in the midst of brutality and imprisonment maybe even an example of the endurance that James spoke of in our reading from yesterday. and then maybe we can zoom the lens in just a little further and talk about the Integrity of Paul and Silas they could so easily have walked away with the cell doors being flung open in the middle of an earthquake thanks Daddy-o peace out death averted but they stayed hey that is really good example of integrity and character not just doing what is right when people are looking but doing what is right when no one is looking. because of their integrity because they did what was right and the eyes of no one that was even watching people came to know Jesus and that even sounds insensitive to someone who is suffering. while you're suffering will bring someone closer to Jesus but maybe how we respond during suffering maybe how we respond to the question of our integrity what we do when no one is looking knowing that ultimately God knows it all and he sees knows our hearts, maybe when endurance requires us to hang on just a little bit longer than we ever anticipated without any foreseeable idea of what is coming next maybe these things are the true Testament of our faith to those who are not in relationship with Jesus maybe these components of what makes up our faith are what we can gather from today. to say I can take that away I can sit and examine my Integrity I can see what I value by stopping and taking inventory of my life or a second I can see how I'm responding or not responding in times of needing to hold on just a little bit longer. while surrendering my idea how to clean this up really fast and move on are any of these things easy absolutely not but maybe the hardest of the hard things in life make the most Lasting Impressions. and how we proceed and how others perceive us as we proceed are they wanting anything at all did you wear the Jesus cuz of the person that we are.

Prayer

Jesus we thank you for this time here together in your word. we thank you for these messages that can be components of our faith endurance but formulas have we learned along the way that we need to let go of Integrity. what are we doing behind closed doors when no one is looking what are we trying to hide from you knowing that there's nothing we can hide from you. what are we trying to hide from one another because we're afraid that if people really knew us they'd have nothing to do with us. what do we need to confess I pray that we would take some of these questions today and examine our hearts Our Lives and that you would meet every single one of us give us the courage to move past the shame towards your Embrace, toward your love. and your forgiveness your kindness that leads us to repentance and I thank you on this day of giving thanks on this day of gratitude on this day of Plenty and harvest and overflowing that we would pause reflect if thanks to you I pray this now all in the name of the father Son and Holy Spirit amen.

Community Prayer Line

12 years he has a little bit more energy but he feels like he is overdoing that by going to a Bible study every week he really wants to go to this Bible study it's really Life Giving to him and it's basically his only social outlet so would you all be praying for him to have enough energy for that my mom had her surgery her knee surgery and it went well there's like a three to four month recovery time so she still recovering and see y'all's continued prayers would be very much appreciated I also wanted to ask for prayer for me so I am 35 weeks pregnant and I'm going to be giving birth probably around 38 weeks cuz that's what I did last time so really soon last birth was very traumatic and very long and it took me 6 months to be able to talk about my birth without bursting into tears so I've had a lot of healings since then but these births are also very close together the other one was just 14 and 1/2 months ago so anyway would you all pray that I would be ready for this birth physically emotionally it would go faster and easier than I wouldn't care and yeah just that God would help me through it and I'd be emotionally in a good place the whole time thank you all so much God bless hey Google I was listening and praying along and rejoicing there's so many awesome things that have been happening and I just thought I would update you my friend Jen they re-diagnosed her with a type of cancer that has a one to two year life expectancy and obviously the families her areas on her lungs has reduced by 50% so I know that's not just the medication that's also the prayer so I want to thank you all for praying for her and then can you just be praying for my Dad we are going to deliver the blankets to his nursing home on December 1st and I'm just praying that he would have a day of clarity to be able to participate in that and to be able to understand what's going on he was always such a generous and giving heart and I would just love for him to be able to participate in giving his friends at the facility their own blankets so I super appreciate it I love all you guys and I will check in soon I really hope that the Lord God with how this go through if I it's meant to be this is for Grace who I hear how broken her heart is having this toxic marriage and Grace I have no idea what the Lord will have me say to you I don't know what is Willis if since you're in a marriage just like that so being in the marriage I really don't know I'm sure he doesn't want you to be in a relationship no matter what kind it is and be treated like that but I don't want to tell you leaves that I get divorce whatever cuz I don't know what's playing is but anyway I don't know if you're just leave for a while and separated you know just live apart I don't know but all I know is I really want you to know that if my heart is breaking for you I want you to know that I'm thinking of you I'm praying for you I'm hugging you holding you from this side of the phone and I am just praying very hard for you so Lord please give Grace your wisdom your peace your comfort your protection sleep I mean just every kind of wisdom help her to be still listen and hear you you know let this husband like see how she is different and sees the Lord in her and maybe you know use and so hopefully they'll be used to change his heart cuz he needs you so much to Lord so thank you Lord and Jesus name I pray amen

0 notes

xwing-baby · 4 years ago

Text

Impulse: El Ojo (Javier Peña x f!Reader)

Summary: Top of your class, the DEA have sent you to Colombia to be the poster child for their new ‘placement program’. You’re thrown in at the deep end into the drug war. With Agent Peña as your mentor, what could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: swearing, injury to reader, alcohol and drug abuse, threatening with guns, brief mentions of torture, description of injury and blood, unwanted touching, flirting, bad thought processes (addiction). PINK SHIRT

Word Count: 5k

A/N: Had a little change of plan last week, this is now the final chapter of this series. I am so sad to end it now, I’ve loved writing this so much. My first time writing for Narcos so thank you so much for all the support y’all I’ve given me with this. I love you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter!!

<-- Previous Chapter // Masterlist // Next Chapter -->

You were on a winning streak. Since you’d found the list of sicarios and matched that up with the more current information, you’d presented it to Carrillo and surprisingly he was on board. With his help, you had brought down five, admittedly low level but increasingly more valuable, sicarios. If you didn’t think about the torture and abuse each of them undertook once captured, used to break them into more telling more information, you could say you were doing a good job. Escobar’s organisation was shaking. You were coming for him.

You and Steve leant against a wall, soaking up the sunshine chatting amongst yourselves when you saw Javier arrive. You hadn’t expected him to come at all, having disappeared without a word early on in the morning. He parked his truck close by, walking over to you and Steve with his vest in hand. You grinned and jabbed Steve when you saw the shirt Javi was wearing.

The pink shirt had been a long-standing joke since you’d found it in his closet a few months ago. He had many colourful shirts, was known for them, but the pink one always seemed like another level. You and Steve teased him about it constantly, though you had to admit it did look good on him now. Javi scowled when he saw you and Steve’s mischievous grins, immediately realising his mistake.

“I know you get called the Whore of Bogata but you don’t need to dress like it! Jesus christ Javi!” You fanned yourself with your hand, grinning at him, “really I’m going to need a minute,” Javi flipped you off as you laughed hard.

“Shut up, I look great,” He grumbled.

“Just thinking about the poor flamingo you rinsed for that colour,” Steve joined in the teasing, shaking his head sadly.

“You are just jealous you could never pull this colour off,” Javi said smugly. You laughed.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come out today, could be quite distracting,” You said, pretending to be thoughtful. Javi’s frowned, only making you and Steve laugh more, “Aw don’t get pissy, Baby. We love you really” You teased him in a mocking voice, pouting at him. “You and your flamboyant choices,” You ruffled his hair up as you passed him. He tried to duck out the way but you caught him. He shoved you away, muttering expletives under his breath. You skipped a few paces out of his reach, flipped him off.

“L/n!” Somebody called your name across the street, one of the technicians you’d been talking to before Javier arrived. You left Steve and Javier to talk.

The technician explained the problem again, showing you the options for moving forward. It was quite common that things would go wrong before any kind of mission. Today was no different, the technicians had lost a signal and were now not sure that the address you had swarmed was correct.

You chewed your nails while you thought. You could risk getting the wrong house, letting the sicarios know you were on to them and you’d lose them again. You could come back another day, but risk losing them again. Or you could ransack some innocent person's house and have Carrillo on your ass for ruining his reputation in the one week he’d left you in charge.

If you messed this up it would mean your stronghold would be lost. There would be time for them to work out what was going on and move everything again.

At a loss, you excused yourself needing to take a break and a few minutes alone to think without soldiers trying to put in their two cents.

As your work life had become more stressful over the last months. You had found some relief in, ironically, coke. It wasn’t a habit you were trying to form, but you had learnt just what good taking just a little bit could do for you. It quietened down your worried brain and made you simultaneously more aware of everything. You were better when you were just a little bit high.

You had started keeping a small amount in your pocket. Hidden in a small sewing tin in your jacket pocket, you had started keeping a little coke on you especially for moments like this. You could take it, have a breather, and come back with a solution. It was fine. Nobody would know.

You’d spotted a cafe across the road, and hoped they had a restroom. You gave an excuse to the soldier you’d been talking to and walked across the street.

“Oi Rookie!” Javi called as he noticed you walk past on the opposite side of the street. “Where are you going?”

“Going to the bathroom. Women’s issues,” You called back, Javi and Steve grimaced. That was always the best excuse.

While you wouldn’t do it at the compound you didn’t have any reservation here. You’d been itching for a hit all morning and there was only so much more you could take. You walked into the cafe, asked for the direction of the restroom, and locked the door behind you once you were inside. Small, dark and stinking of pee, it was not the best place but hygiene wasn’t particularly an issue you were worried about.

You tipped a small amount from the box onto the sink counter, lined it up with a card from your pocket, bent down and took it up your nose. You grimaced, while it had burnt your nose somewhat it still stung. But it was worth it when the feeling began to kick in. You smiled at your reflection and double-checked your appearance in the mirror, wiping your nose. Nobody could ever tell.

As usual, the drug kicked your brain into gear again and everything fell into place. The raid went brilliantly, by pure coincidence you’d bagged two sicarios in one as your original target had invited your next round for dinner with his new girlfriend. Your plan well into the swing of things now, much to everyone’s surprise.

—

Like every weekend for the last three months, you were going out. The line between enemies and friends was long since blurred, hanging out with ‘Isabela’s’ friends was not an issue. Most of the time you weren’t even trying to get anything from them, you’d got what you needed months ago. As fun as Javier and Steve were, it was much more enjoyable to hang out with people your age. And they wouldn’t give you cocaine, María had it on tap.

You were dressed up, recently treating yourself to a new outfit as a job well done. A black off the shoulder top, covered in lace, and a little black mini skirt. You felt sexy, you were going to have a very good night.

“Rookie!” Javier called out to you as he came out of the apartment building. You were standing outside waiting for a taxi, smoking a cigarette.

“Javi, baby, you’re looking slick! Where are you going?” You checked him out. He wore his signature tight blue jeans and an equally tight black shirt that was almost bursting at the seams. He looked incredible, as he always did.

You were thankful that things had gone back to normal between you and Javier. The awkward stepping around each other had gone, you weren’t jealous. You acknowledged you would probably always like him a little more than was professional but that had fallen into a fun flirty banter that more than anything just wound Steve up.

You found yourself calling him Baby more than his name, it’d started as a joke to get back at him for always calling you Rookie but now it was so commonplace people had stopped picking you up on it if it slipped out while you were working.

It was fun. You cared for each other, that was clear to even a blind man, but there was no romanticism to the relationship anymore. There was no need. It wasn’t good for either of you. You’d found a comfortable rhythm and were going to stick to it.

“Out,” He shrugged, “That’s a new top,”

“You noticed?”

“Course, can’t keep my eyes off you,” He purred, happily playing along with your game.

“Thought you’d be more interested in the skirt,”

“Will you two quit it?” Steve’s voice interrupted your flirting as he walked down the stairs. You barked in laughter.

“Steve! So it’s a boys night I see? Where was my invite?”

“Figured you’d have your own plans,” Steve said.

“And you are correct Murphy but it’s always polite to ask,”

“Next time,” He assured you. “Where are you going tonight?”

“I don’t know. Some club, El Ojo or something?” You shrugged, “Seeing as this is maybe Isabela’s last time out I am going to go out with a bang, literally,” You raised an eyebrow, insinuation of your worlds made Steve roll his eyes.

You were hoping within the next few weeks to be able to close in on some higher level sicarios and associates to Escobar. Drawing the noose in slowly so he wouldn’t notice until it’d choked him. That meant your position as Isabela was going to have to come to an end to keep you safe from your own program. You’d discussed it at length with Peña and Murphy, while you didn’t agree you had to listen to them. They were still your superiors after all, no matter how close friends you were.

“If you told past you you were going to willingly sleep with a Narco I think you would have passed out,” Steve laughed.

“I’m a changed woman Murphy, what can I say,” You smirked, “Imagine what I’ll be like by the end of the year,”

“God help us,” Javier shook his head, a smirk plastered on his face. You laughed and stubbed out your cigarette with your shoe as your taxi pulled around the corner.

“Here’s my ride. Have a good night, boys. I will be back in the morning,”

—

El Ojo was just as María had told you. Modern and smoke-filled, people were filling every inch of the space. You walked in and couldn’t help the smile that grew on your face. This was exactly what you needed. Crowds were anonymous, nobody cared who you were or what you were doing. Everyone was just there for one reason, to have a good time.

You ordered a drink at the bar, flirting with the man next to you briefly before taking the drink and finding your friends. As usual, they were up in the VIP area, courtesy of the Parreño name. You walked up and were let inside the cordoned-off area to find Diego stood up on his seat, wild-eyed, shouting about something. It wasn’t until you got closer that you heard what he was saying.

“I’m telling you Isabela is lying!” He shouted above the music.

“What’s going on?” You asked. None of the ten people surrounding the booth noticed your approach, their eyes shifting awkwardly when they saw you.

“You! You’re a liar!” Diego pointed down at you, hatred burning behind his eyes.

“What is going on?” You asked again. You looked around for María, she was usually the one to step between you and Diego, but she was nowhere to be seen. This was not the kind of conversation you’d wanted for this evening.

“You were the only one to survive that raid at Carlos’,” He continued, jumping off the couch to your level, “That fucking maniac Carrillo killed everyone but you! You’re working with them, aren’t you?”

“You’ve lost it,” You rolled your eyes, “Completely lost it,”

“You don’t deny it!” He yelled. You gulped, trying not to look scared of the man but the rage in his eyes was shaking you. You stepped backwards as he advanced toward you

“You’re insane!” You laughed in his face, “I’m not a fucking spy, especially not for Carrillo,”

“Bullshit,” He spat, Suddenly he pulled a gun from his back, waving it in your face. People shouted and screamed around you, scattering as the metal glinted in the light. Your eyes remained on his, not saying a word as he pressed the barrel into your neck. You didn’t move, barely breathing, “You’re a fucking rat,” He growled.

“Diego!” Finally, María stepped in, running over when she heard the commotion. “Stop it, put it away. Idiot,” She pulled the gun from his hand, standing firmly between you and him. “Ignore him. He’s paranoid. Someone’s leaking information and he thinks it's you because he’s a jealous asshole,” Maria explained, swiftly pushing him backwards until he sat back in the booth again, “How fucking ridiculous would that be? You? A spy!”

“Insane,” You agreed through a clenched jaw. Diego continued to glare at you dangerously, leaning over to whisper something to a friend.

“I swear if we get banned from this club because of you Diego I am leaving you,” María said angrily, “Come on, I want to party,” She linked her arm through you, not caring that you were still in shock from having a gun held to you, and dragged you to the bar.

Fortunately, copious amounts of vodka and tequila were great for calming your nerves. In a few hours, you had nearly forgotten the entire ordeal. You couldn’t think about anything more than the music ringing in your ears and how good it felt dancing on the stranger behind you.

After a while, María pulled you back up to the booth where Diego and his friends were still sitting. You did your best to ignore him, chatting to one of the girls at the table instead. You laughed and did a few lines, generally relaxing into the evening. So relaxed you didn’t notice the newest member of the group until he finally addressed you.

“Don’t I know you?” You looked over and panic spread over you like a bucket of ice water over your head sobering you almost instantly. He did know you. The man before you was the first man you had arrested, almost six months ago. He must have been bailed out for jail.

“No,” You answered confidently. You didn’t lie. You didn’t know him, not really.

“Gabriel, sit down!” María cheered, “Isabela this is my cousin, Gabriel. Gabriel, Isabela,” She introduced you. Her cousin. Of course. You smiled politely, praying the dim lights would hide the nervous sweat that had overtaken you.

Gabriel looked confused but didn’t say anything if he did recognise you. Not that that would matter anyway, as soon as he spoke to Diego his memory would no doubt be jogged. If he found out you were a DEA agent you would be dead. You had to leave.

“Here take my seat, I’ve got to get some air for a minute,” You stood up, letting him take your place next to Maria. You caught Diego’s suspicious look as you walked past, spotting the nearest exit door.

Your hands were shaking, your body not sure what to do with itself. The cocaine and alcohol said to go back inside and take them all out. What was left of your rational brain was consumed by fear and kept you outside. It was bad enough if someone like Senator Parreño had suspicions about you but Diego? Gabriel? Diego had already shown he wasn’t afraid to threaten you in public. Of the two of them joined heads they would connect the dots and your cover would be blown wide open. So would you, you thought morbidly. Coke and anger never mixed well.

You took breathes of the warm summer air, leaning against the wall of the club as you tried to calm yourself down. You shouldn’t have taken the last shot, now verging over the edge of blacking out; your vision was spotty, sound not registering properly and your tongue felt heavy in your mouth.

You wondered if Steve and Javi were nearby, the fresh air having the opposite effect than you’d wanted. You would blackout and you were going to need help to get home if you did. But you didn’t recall either of the men telling you where they were going, they could be anywhere in the city.

Stumped for the moment, you decided to wait it out, lighting a cigarette hoping that might help sober you up. You pulled the packet from your purse

“Need a light?” A man appeared next to you, lighter in hand. You nodded and he flicked the flame up, you bent over and lit your cigarette between your teeth.

“Thanks,” You mumbled, turning away from him, hoping he would leave. He didn’t. Instead, the man continued to stare at you, following you into your personal space as you shuffled away from him.

“Can I help you?” You snapped, immediately getting a bad feeling about him. You crossed your arms over your chest, frowning at him.

“No need for that tone baby. Come on, I wanna talk to you,” He purred. His eyes dipped to your cleavage, a lustful look in his eyes.

“I’m not interested,” You said, stepping backwards away from the man. He seemingly didn’t hear you, continuing to get into your personal space, arms reaching out to grab your hips.

“You were interested earlier. Come on, baby,” He purred, pulling you close to him, pressing his hips against yours.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You yelled, pushing him off hard enough to make him stumble backwards.

“Fucking bitch,” He growled.

If you were sober the situation would have a very swift end. You would punch him square in the face and he would leave you alone, scuttling away with a broken jaw and a shattered ego. However, you were not in a state to do that now. He had the upper hand. All you could do was run, hoping once you were back amongst people he wouldn’t attack you. You looked up the alley, the open street was just a few feet away.

You bolted.

Unfortunately just as you didn’t have enough coordination to punch the man, you didn’t have enough to run in heels on the uneven floor. Not even ten foot away your legs wobble, heels falling into a pothole sending you forward. You fell into a dumpster, head hitting the corner of the metal with a thud. You yelped, vision going black for a moment as you lay on the concrete.

“Hey hey hey,” A man ran over, instantly scaring the man off of you. He knelt by your side and helped you up from where you��d fallen. You groaned and pushed yourself up, head throbbing harshly, warm liquid trickling down your face. Your world was spinning even with your eyes closed. “Y/n, Fuck are you okay?”

“Get off me!” You exclaimed, trying to push the stranger off, not that your shaking arms were very effective.

“Y/n hey it’s me, you’re okay!” You looked up and saw Steve through a haze of blurred vision. You squinted as something dripped over your eye. Steve then saw the cut to your head, “Oh shit,” Your eyes are glassy and blown out, you mumbled something to him and pushed yourself out of his reach again, wobbling and tipping backwards. He caught you before you hit the floor again. “Y/n what are you doing out here? Weren’t you with your friends?”

“Her brother was the first guy,” You said, your speech slurred so much Steve barely understood what you were saying.

“Rookie, you’re not making sense. What are you on about?”

“I’m so fucked,” You sighed, letting your head rollback. You giggled as the world spun.

“Yeah, I can tell, come on let’s get you home,” Steve stood up, holding his hands out to you and pulled you up to standing again.

“Where’s Peña?” You asked.

“At the bar,”

“I want to go talk to him, let’s go talk to him!” You exclaimed. You began to walk in the opposite direction, dragging Steve along by the arm. He pulled you back with ease.

“You can talk to him in the morning, we’re going home,” He insisted.

“But I have to tell him about the brother he’s going -,” Your rambling was interrupted as you threw up, barely missing Steve’s leg. He grimaced and jumped out of the way, “I have to talk to him,” You said quietly once you were done.

“Tomorrow, Kid,” He repeated himself.

You pouted, tears of frustration welling up in your eyes but you didn’t fight him. Despite how drunk you were you knew that going home would realistically be the best course of action right now. You could barely string a sentence together let alone get anything important out coherently.

Steve got you into a taxi, luckily the driver paid no attention to the blood dripping down your face. You were falling asleep on his shoulder as you pulled up to the apartment, Steve pulled you out of the car and up the stairs to the apartment. Only when he opened the door, he was met by Javier and Vanessa also on their way inside.

“Woah!” Javier instantly turned his full attention to you when he saw the state you were in, hanging onto Steve’s sleeve, “What happened?”

“Some guy tried to touch her up, she hit her head, I’ve got it covered,” Steve explained.

“Hey Baby,” You grinned, obviously giving Javi a once over.

“She doesn’t look alright,” Vanessa commented, “Did she just call you baby?”

“It’s a long story,” Javi dismissed the comment. “She doesn’t look okay,”

“I’ve got it covered. I’ll get her to throw up and get some water to sober her up,” Steve said, “We’ll be okay, won’t we Rook?”

“Fine and dandy!” You grinned.

“If you’re sure,” Javi said hesitantly. You were gone, hanging onto Steve’s arm to hold yourself up. Your eyes were blown out and blank, if you remembered anything in the morning it would be a miracle. His first reaction was to help you, not sure Steve could handle you alone. Steve wasn’t exactly sober himself, sinking a good few beers with Javier in the bar before he’d left. However, his decision was made for him as you and Steve began walking up the stairs, Vanessa’s hands were back on him and any worry was squashed as she dragged him into his apartment.

Upstairs, Steve took you into his apartment. He took you to the bathroom, sat you on top of the toilet and rooted around the medicine cabinet to find some cleaning supplies so he could patch up your bleeding head.

“Connie’s probably got something in here,” He rooted through the cabinet. Connie had gone back to Miami for the week to see her family, inconveniently right when her skills were needed. Steve’s tipsy attempt at first aid would have to do,“Ah-ha! Here we go, clean that cut out with this,”

“Ow!” You whined, flinching away from him quickly when he showed you the antiseptic bottle.

“I didn’t touch you,” Steve chuckled, “Hold still,” Carefully he poured the liquid over a cotton ball, took hold of your face in the other hand and dabbed the cotton on your cut.

“Ow! Steve that fucking hurt,” You complained, flinching away from him as the alcohol stung the wound on your head. You frowned at him, tearing up a little.

“Don’t be a baby,”

“I am a baby!” You exclaimed. Steve grabbed hold of you again, he needed to clean the wound if it was going to heal properly. You whined and hissed at him but eventually, it was clear.

“Look, all done, got the grit out,”

“Thanks, Steve,” You kissed his cheek quickly.

“You’re welcome,” He laughed awkwardly. “Come on, you can’t sleep on my toilet. Bedtime,”

“You’re not my type,” You scrunched your nose and leant away from him.

“Ouch way to break my heart Rook,” Steve chuckled, “No, you’re going to your own bed, by yourself,”

“It's so far away!” You whined.

“It's across the hall!” He copied your tone making you laugh.

Steve pulled you up from the toilet and managed to wrangle you across the hall. Half asleep, leaning into Steve before you even got inside the apartment, you fell into bed without protest. Steve pulled off your shoes, throwing them on the ground before stumbling back to his apartment to collapse in his bed.

—

Waking up in your apartment unsure of how you got there, was a strange feeling. What was even stranger was the harsh throbbing on your head. You blindly brought a hand to the sight, recoiling instantly as you touched something sore. You sat up, slowly opening your eyes to the daylight and looked at your reflection in the mirror opposite your bed.

You groaned when you saw the gash on your forehead. Dried blood sat in the creases of your neck, and underside of your jaw as well as being crusted into your hair. You tried to remember how you’d gotten the injury but came up blank. You couldn’t remember anything from the night before. Not unusual for your almost nihilistic habits, but it was concerning given the infliction.

You looked at the clock. 9 am. You’d slept in. Since you were up you decided to clean yourself up. You padded to your bathroom, wincing at the harsh light inside and the grinding sound of the extractor fan. You filled the sink with warm water and gently cleaned the blood from your face with a cloth, only once stopping to throw up into the toilet.

You showered, hot steam help clear your brain fog but not helping the cut on your forehead which now stung immensely. But that wasn’t the feeling you were concentrating on.

A new kind of hunger, one you weren’t yet familiar with had settled in on the back of your tongue. A repeating idea chanting over and over in your head. It had partly been cocaine’s fault you’d got into this mess, but it would get you out of this hangover now.

You remembered you had some in your jacket pocket from the day before, leftover. Once you’d thought about it there was no stopping you. You didn’t have to take it all, you could stop yourself if you wanted. You pulled the tin out from your coat, sit it down on your dressing table while you pulled on some clothes.

You sat back at the dressing-table again once you were done and stared at the box. You’d not done it here more than once or twice. Never by yourself. Something about being at home with it made you feel guilty, possibly because you were surrounded by your friends who also happened to be DEA agents who would kill you if they found the stuff in the building.

You picked up the box, contemplating it. You could get something done if you took it. Wouldn’t have to sit in your hungover state and wallow in self-pity until the headache left. You could go for a walk. Do nice things. Taking the cocaine would bring you nice things, as it always did.

You opened it.

“Morning,” Javier’s voice inside your apartment suddenly startled you, causing you to spill the contents of your box all over your dressing table.

“Fuck,” You swore out loud.

“Okay in there?” You regretted giving him a key. You did not need the interruption. His voice snapped you back to reality. You decided you didn’t have time, or rather not wanting to be caught red-handed, you decided to leave it and greet your surprise guest.

“Good morning,” You said brightly, opening and closing your bedroom door tightly behind you. Javier was standing in the middle of your living room, a book in hand flicking through it. He discarded it back to the coffee table where he’d found it when you appeared.

“Just wanted to check you were alright, you looked rough last night,” Javi said, “that cut looks sore,”

“It stings but it’ll be ok in a few days,” You shrugged. Javi looked at you strangely, “Did you come up here for something?” You asked.

“You don’t remember what today is?” He asked. You frowned and thought for a moment.

“It’s your birthday?” You asked slowly.

“No,”

“It’s my birthday?”

“I don’t know when you’re birthday is,”

“Javi I’ve obviously forgotten please just tell me,” You pleaded.

“Searchblok, you and Steve swapped. Remember?”

“Shit!” You exclaimed. How could you have forgotten?! You scrambled back into your room to get changed, boxer shorts and a hole-ridden t-shirt wouldn’t cut it.

“I should write you up for the mess you were in last night,” He called through the door as you rushed to get dressed, pulling on the nearest jeans on your floor. That’s not the only thing you should write me up for, you thought looking at the cocaine on your dressing table.

“I should write you up for sleeping with hookers,” You said back.

“Nowhere in my contract does it say I can’t! You however have a reckless behaviour clause,” He said. Your heart stopped at that, opening the door quickly to pop your head out.

“Javi-“

“I’m joking Rook, don’t worry!” Javier laughed. You rolled your eyes and shut the door again, pulling on a fresh shirt. A few seconds later you stepped out, buttoning the last of the clasps on your shirt. “I was worried about you but you’re fine so we’ll forget it ever happened,”

“Thanks, Baby,” You grinned at him. Javi rolled his eyes.

“You need to stop that though,”

“You love it,” You teased him. He didn’t reply, turning on his heel and walking out. You hesitated for a moment, glancing back at your bedroom door. The coke was still lined up in there, calling to you. It would only take a few seconds to do it and get rid of your hangover for a few hours.

“Rookie, hurry up!” Javi called you from the hallway, audibly impatient. You decided against it, grabbing your keys and a jacket and running to catch up with him. He was already waiting by the truck by the time you got downstairs. “Did anything interesting happen last night, then?” Javi asked. You tried to think for a moment, you remembered something important had happened, something you’d wanted to tell him last night but you couldn’t remember what. You shrugged.

“Apart from getting this,” You gestured to the injury to your forehead, “I can’t remember. There was something but I don’t know,”

“Can’t have been very important then,” Javi added. You shrugged and shook your head.

“Guess not,”

Next Chapter -->

Finally we’ve come full circle, I am so sad it’s over I have absolutely loved writing this series. Again I want to say a massive thank you to everyone’s that read the series, it means more than you could imagine. I love you all. I’m going to have a cry and make a start on all the other things I’ve been neglecting to write this.

The ending is already written and posted so if you haven’t read it go enjoy :))

tag list: @beskar-falcon @peterssweetpea @beskarbabs @all-hallows-evie @harrys-stan @wille-zarr @danniburgh @rentheisopod @urbankaite2 @whataloadofmalarkey @ahsofka @yeetus-my-feetus @sara-alonso @xiao-lusi @all-good-things-have-an-ending @eternallyvenus @ajeff855 @mayangel19 @1950schick @pedrosmustache @wantingtobekorra @balmasedas @angelsunflxwer @brujademente @kingsmanandqueens @igotissueswithfictionalmen

70 notes · View notes

penn-dragon · 4 years ago

Text

I don’t know what to title this Peter is jealous

Heeeeere’s another one. This one’s longer and goes along with these drawings I did. Harry’s dating John Jameson and Peter’s extremely jealous. Penn can write a little bit of angry confessions.... as a treat...

“Pete, what’s going on. You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I’m not— I’m not avoiding you.” Peter forced out, keeping his gaze fixed on his web shooters as he fiddled with the cartridge so he wouldn’t have to meet Harry’s eyes when he said it.

“Oh really?” Harry’s voice continued, not sounding convinced in the slightest. “Because you’ve been conveniently busy every time I’ve tried to make plans with you for the past month.”

“It’s not convenient, I’m really just busy,” he argued weakly.

“Come on, you’ve used Aunt May as an excuse at least five times. I’ve known you and May since I was six, I know she’d let you go out, she’s done it a million times before.” Peter really didn’t have an answer to that, he was well aware he was running dry on excuses, so he elected to remain silent. After a moment he heard Harry shift, moving to stand next to him, and he almost jumped when a warm hand came to rest on his shoulder. “Seriously, Pete, what’s wrong?” He asked, and Peter felt his resolve crumbling under the softness in Harry’s voice. “Are you mad at me?”

“No!” Peter whipped around, finally meeting Harry’s eyes. “No, I’m not mad, I just—” He sighed, letting his gaze fall as he placed his screwdriver back on his desk, freeing up one of his hands to thumb restlessly at his jeans. “I’m not mad.”

Harry took his hand back and Peter immediately missed the warmth, and he hated how much just a simple touch made him crave more.

“Then what is it?

Peter smoothed his thumb over the flat surface of the web cartridge in his palm, just to give his hand something to do. He couldn’t tell Harry the truth, not fully, not right now… but maybe he could tell him something, just to release some of the pressure that’s been building up inside him. He turned back to Harry meeting his gaze as confidently as he could.

“Can we… talk for a bit?”

Harry’s eyes flickered over his face for a moment, then he turned his wrist to check his watch.

“Well, I’m supposed to meet John for lunch, but I can—”

Peter’s body reacted faster than he could curb. His grip tensed, crushing the small cartridge in his hand and releasing the pressure inside in an explosion of web fluid sticking to his face, his clothes, and every flat surface within a two foot radius of him.

“Fuck,” he hissed, tossing the ruined web cartridge onto his desk and ripping some of the thinner strands of webbing away from his face. “God-fucking-damnit, why not!”

“Jesus Christ, Pete,” Harry said from the corner of the room. He’d managed to skitter backwards enough to avoid the worst of the spray. “What is with you recently?”

“Nothing’s ‘with me’,” Peter grumbled, forcing open the drawer in his desk where he kept his store of web dissolvent. Embarrassment burned his ears at the abrupt reminder that a world existed outside him and Harry. That Harry was dating John, had a date planned with John while Peter was about to tell him— who knows what. “I just haven’t felt like going out.”

He dumped some of the solution over the worst of the mess, freeing himself and cleaning up the splash zone enough that he could leave the rest of the webs to dissolve naturally. What a waste of web fluid.

“Can’t you just come out one time? I really want you to spend some time with John.”

Peter tried his best to shove down the displeasure rising in his throat like vomit and keep it off his face.

“Why?” He asked, turning to replace the bottle of web dissolvant in the back of his desk drawer. “I’m not the one dating him.”

“Because you’re my best friend,” Harry emphasized as though it should be obvious, and a sour hint of guilt curled in his chest, “and I’d like you to get to know my boyfriend.”

The jealousy churning inside Peter’s stomach came to a violent boil. The guilt of letting Harry down buried under violent rejection to the idea of spending who knows how many hours pretending he was having fun while John looked at Harry, smiled at Harry, touched Harry, and—if the universe hated him enough—maybe even leaning in to— Something inside him snapped.

“Maybe I don’t want to get to know John,” he hissed.

He regretted the words the instant they were out of his mouth. It was too honest, too negative, and, if the shocked look on Harry’s face was anything to go by, too telling.

“What?”

Peter closed his eyes briefly, gritting his teeth.

“I need to go get more supplies to replace that web fluid,” he mumbled, skirting around Harry to get to the door of his lab.

“Woah, hang on.” Harry sidestepped in front of him, holding out a hand to block his way. “Do you have a problem with John?” He asked.

“No,” Peter lied through his teeth. “I don’t.”

“You clearly do.”

“Okay, fine!” Peter threw his hands in the air. “I don’t like him. Are you happy now?”

“No!” Harry fumed. “Why don’t you like him?”

“Do I need to have a reason?”

“Of course you do! You barely know him. What, you exchanged three sentences with him during that werewolf debacle two years ago and just decided he’s an asshole?”

“Maybe,” Peter sniffed, well aware he was being stubborn on purpose.

“No, you didn’t,” Harry pressed.

“Well, maybe I just don’t like that my best friend is dating the son of the guy who’s doing his best to turn the entire city against me!” Maybe I just don’t like that my best friend is dating anyone. His brain amended for him.

“Your best friend is the son of the guy who tried to kill you multiple times!” Harry snapped. “I know that’s not the real reason.”

“It doesn’t matter!” Peter cut in, desperate to end this argument before he said anything else so stupid. “Look I’ll try, okay? You can set something up and I’ll try to get to know him.” The idea made his stomach turn, but he needed to get out of here. Keeping his eyes glued to the floor he pushed past Harry to try for the door again.

Harry’s hand wrapped around his bicep before he could take another step, yanking him back and stepping forward directly into Peter’s space. Peter’s eyes stupidly snapped up to meet his sharp blue gaze. Harry released his arm as soon as Peter was facing him again, and the spot where his hand was tingled like the aftermath of an electric shock.

“Pete, seriously, you’re still avoiding the question. Give me one good reason you think you won’t like John.”

Peter tried to think of a good excuse, something that would satisfy Harry without giving too much away. But Harry was so close Peter could see every tiny detail of his face, and even angry he was so stupidly handsome it hurt. He should have come up with an excuse, but all Peter could think to do was cup his face and drag him down into a kiss.

Harry’s lips were soft against his, even as his entire body froze under Peter’s touch. Before Peter could think to do anything else, he felt Harry’s hand on his chest, forcing him back. Harry stumbled back a few steps, snatching himself out of Peter’s reach, and the look on his face made Peter go cold.

“Pete, what… what was that?”

Peter wasn't sure how it only just dawned on him what he’d done while he stood there dumbly, hands still hovering where Harry had been a moment ago, and Harry stared at him with so much disbelief you’d think he killed someone. He drew his hands back towards his body as the icy touch of panic sent his mind reeling for something to say, any excuse that wasn’t the truth. But there really wasn’t any other way to explain what he just did. He briefly closed his eyes, sliding his hands into the pockets of his hoodie as he lifted his head to meet Harry’s eye as he answered.

“That was your reason.”

Harry stared at him.

“...What are you saying?”

“Harry, I—” he took a deep breath to calm himself, dropping his eyes to the floor as his confidence waned. “I have feelings for you.”

Harry said nothing for a long time. Peter tilted his head, stealing a peak up at Harry. He’d covered his mouth with a hand, eyes fixed somewhere to the left. Then, just when Peter thought he couldn’t stand the silence anymore, he laughed. It wasn’t a real laugh. It was forced and hollow and the sound pierced through Peter’s chest like a shard of glass.

“This is a joke, right?”

Peter opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again.

“Of… of course not. I—”

“It has to be,” Harry interrupted like he hadn’t heard, “because you can’t— What the hell were you—” he let out a frustrated noise, looking back at Peter, “Why?”

Peter felt himself bristling, frustrated embarrassment from his own impulsive actions and Harry’s stubborn denial clogging up his head.

“You— You started it!”

Harry’s eyes widened as they snapped to Peter’s, hand falling away from his mouth.

“What?”

“You had feelings for me first.” Maybe it was a little petty, but Peter has been nothing if not petty this entire month and he had to admit the blush that spread across Harry’s face was satisfying to see.

“How—” Harry stuttered, “How do you—”

“Miles told me,” he admitted.

“Miles,” Harry hissed, “why would he—?”

“Because I was jealous!” Peter burst out. “You wanted to know the truth? There it is. I’ve been avoiding you because John’s always there, and anytime he so much as touches you I want to bend his fingers back until they break and I hate it.” Peter turned away so he didn’t have to see whatever expressions were crossing Harry’s face. He ran his fingers through his hair, gripping it tight at the roots like the sharp pain might help him focus. “I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to hate him,” he choked out, “but I do, because you chose him.”

Harry flinched back another step, and the further he got the more it hurt. Like Peter was a dangerous animal he needed to keep his distance from.

“I—” he started, “I— I can’t— I can’t deal with this right now.”

“Harry—”

“No,” Harry cut him off, holding out a hand to stop him. “Pete, don’t. I can’t— I have to go.”

Harry turned on his heel, and Peter felt his throat grow tight as he watched Harry slip out the door and disappear from sight.

- - -

The door slammed open and Peter jumped hard, hands flying to grip the edge of his desk as he twisted around to see Harry standing in the lab entrance, a glare set deep on his face. Peter swallowed hard.

“Harry, I—”

“I broke up with John.”

Peter’s eyes went wide and something stirred in his gut, not quite guilt but not quite hope.

“What?”

Harry continued on like he hadn’t spoken.

“Why did you have to do that?” He stalked further into the room letting the door swing shut behind him. “John is a nice guy. I was happy, and I was finally moving on from you.” He ran a hand down his face. “Then you go and do this.”

Peter felt the lick of anger hot in his stomach mixing with the embarrassment that burned down his face and neck. He gritted his teeth together and turned fully to face Harry.

“Newsflash, Harry, you can’t move on from something you were never a part of. At least I had enough courage to do something about it.”

It was a low blow and he knew it, he watched the words sting Harry like a slap to the face.

“You could have done something before I was dating someone else!” Harry growled, sweeping his arm out behind him.

“I didn’t know then. I didn’t realize until you started dating John.”

“That’s not my problem!”

Peter clenched his fists and stood.

“Stop trying to pin this on me, Harry. I’m not going to apologize for having feelings for you. I know I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I was angry and jealous, it was a stupid, impulsive decision,” Peter stalked forward into Harry’s space, jabbing a finger into his chest. “But I'm not forcing you to do anything. You didn’t have to break up with John. You don’t have to return my feelings. You can just pretend it never happened.”

“But I can’t stop thinking about it!”

Peter stopped and Harry froze, mouth snapping shut as his eyes flickered over Peter’s face. Before he could process what was happening Harry grabbed his face and kissed him hard.

Peter’s brain flatlined. Going completely, unhelpfully, dead-silent at the feeling of Harry’s mouth on his. At his lack of response, Harry’s grip on him loosened, and he started to pull back. Somewhere inside Peter’s brain the right neurons started firing. He twisted his hands into the front of Harry’s shirt to keep him close, tilted his head, and kissed him back.

Harry made a small noise into the kiss and something inside Peter melted. The anger roaring in his chest settled into a quiet purr as he lost himself to the feeling of Harry’s lips moving against his.

Harry’s mouth left his for just a moment and Peter found it hard to breath as arms slid around his waist to pull him impossibly closer. And in that moment nothing mattered besides Harry’s lips on his, Harry’s hand sliding up his back, Harry’s heart pounding hard inside his chest. He couldn’t remember what they were fighting about, could barely remember his own name as he wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and Harry kissed him deeply, thoroughly.

The kiss slowed and they broke apart reluctantly, staying close enough to share heavy breaths. For a moment everything was quiet as Harry let their foreheads rest together. Then he opened his eyes and met Peter’s gaze.

“I’m still mad at you,” he said, but the anger in his voice was just a flimsy pretext by this point and Peter was barely listening anyway.

“Uh huh.”

Harry’s eyes fell half closed as his gaze shifted back to Peter’s mouth.

“But, God, I’ve wanted to kiss you since eighth grade.”

He swayed forward to close the distance again and Peter yielded easily to the soft kiss Harry pressed against his mouth. He pulled back before Harry could deepen the kiss any further.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” He asked.

It took Harry a moment to answer, like his mind was still catching up with the concept that Peter was speaking instead of kissing him.

“I didn’t think you’d want me too.” He finally admitted, gaze flicking up to meet his. Peter curled his fingers into the hair at the nape of Harry’s neck.

“I would have wanted you to.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“So instead of taking the chance and asking how I felt,” Peter let his eyes fall down in between them, “you just decided you were going to force yourself to get over me with the nearest guy?”

“That’s not—!” Harry cut himself off, reaching a hand up to rub at his eyes before replacing it at Peter’s waist and turning his head away. “I really did like John. He’s a good guy, and he’s fun to be around, but—” he tilted his head slightly, watching Peter from the corner of his eye, “he’s not you.”

Peter’s heart did a flip inside his chest.

“Yeah?”

Harry sighed and closed his eyes, pulling away just enough to give them both their own space again.

“The truth is, I was scared, Pete.” He dipped his head again, eyes locked somewhere on the floor beside them. “I figured—whatever I was feeling—it was just me. I didn’t want to risk our friendship because I couldn’t stop wondering stupid things like what it would be like to kiss you.”

Peter smiled, lifting one hand to take Harry’s chin between his fingers and turn his face back towards him.

“Doesn’t seem so stupid now, does it?”

Harry’s eyes flickered over his face and he dipped his head, leaning back down into Peter’s space.

“No.”

“Well,” Peter teased, even as he tilted his head up in anticipation, “did I live up to the expectation?”

“Better,” Harry murmured.

Then their lips met and there were no more words to say.

#parksborn #msm #msm 2017 #marvels spider-man 2017 #penn writes #theres a joke in my friend group about John Jameson constantly getting cucked by spider-man because MJ leaves him for peter in the raimi #movies and then we came up with this whole thing about harry dating john only to break up with him for peter #honestly he deserves better sorry wolf man

121 notes · View notes

aerial-jace · 3 years ago

Text

(I swear I’m putting this in the fandom tag for a reason, just bear with me as I ramble about a really good semi-academic book about religion for a hot minute. It’s important context for my main point.)

Y’all ever read Stephen Prothero’s “God Is Not One”? It’s basically an argument against perennialism, the idea that all religions are at their core the same, through an exploration of the 8 most prominent religious traditions of the world (Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Confucianism, Yoruba religion, and Daoism), which makes it double as an excellent read if you want to expand your religious literacy.

Of course, being a book about religious studies, it has to tackle the eternal question of “what is religion anyway?”, a notably tricky thing to pin down and which some may argue is overly broad. Your average person living in a majority Christian culture may immediately think about belief in a god or gods, or at the very least the supernatural, to be a defining feature. However, in this list already there are 3 traditions (Buddhism, Confucianism, Daoism) which while not strictly atheist or naturalist do have significant strains of thought along atheist and naturalist lines and are generally counted within the ranks of religion anyway .

So, what do? Well, this is my favorite part! Dr. Prothero proposes that the core elements of religion are: a problem, a solution to that problem, a set of techniques to achieve said solution, and figures that exemplify said techniques.

So, for Christianity we have:

The problem - Sin

The solution - Salvation

The techniques - The sacraments, going to church, prayer, etc.

The exemplary figures - Jesus, the saints and martyrs, your local pastor, etc.

And in contrast Buddhism has:

The problem - Human suffering

The solution - Achieving awakening (or enlightenment, whatever floats your boat)

The techniques - Meditation, the Noble Eightfold Path, joining a monastery, etc.

The exemplary figures - the Buddha, the arahants and bodhisattvas, Buddhist monks, etc.

(Of course all of this comes with a big asterisk where there’s lots of room for nuance and variation. Religions are all internally diverse and embedded into the cultural contexts in which they exist, and all the rest. You can read the book for more.)

So, tying this all to the silly little books about feral cats, I find it fascinating how the Erins as fish swimming in very Christian cultural water have managed to come up with a fictional religion that is very interesting when analyzed under this framework.

The clans have:

The problem - War among the clans

The solution - The warrior code

The techniques - Gatherings, border marking, acting on StarClan-given prophecies, passing down stories, and just following the code in general

The exemplary figures - The cats who’ve gone to StarClan

Presented in this very simplistic list format, the religions of the world do begin to look a bit samey (again, read the book for elaboration on the nuances and how at a closer glance they are very much different), but the religion of the clans immediately stands out. Particularly when laid out like this it stands out by how this-worldly it is, when you’d assume as fish swimming in very Christian cultural water concerns about the afterlife would’ve been at the forefront in the minds of the Erins. It’s still there but not nearly as prominent, I feel.

So, yeah, as someone for whom this stuff is very important, I genuinely adore this. It’s good that kids who grow up reading these books are going to be exposed to an example, albeit fictional, of a religion that breaks the norms of typical cultural assumptions of what religion should be.

#warrior cats #wc #starclan #religion #me? overthinking these books?#I'd never!#also go read God Is Not One #excellent book #and we all should have a little more religious literacy in our lives I feel

5 notes · View notes

keyofjetwolf · 4 years ago

Text

Hi would you like some rage about She-Ra season 5?

If the answer is no, please don’t click below. For real. Really for real. I’m not looking to piss in anyone’s Cheerios. I think if you were satisfied (or better!) with the show, that’s fantastic and I envy you. As I have always said, love what you love. My opinion is mine and means precisely nothing beyond that. If you think you may be even a little bummed reading about how someone didn’t like it, skip this post and go on with your day, I promise you’re not missing anything worthwhile.

IN A SIMILAR VEIN: If -- before, during, or after reading -- you feel inclined to argue with me, I am begging you to please not. I cannot begin to tell you how much I don’t want to be argued with on this right now. I’m still extremely disappointed and cranky, and I’m not much in the mood to have a measured, reasoned debate about my feelings. Much as my opinion has no bearing on you, your opinion has no bearing on me, and as I’m giving you the option to opt out, I’d appreciate the same courtesy. If you want to write your own post on your own blog, go nuts! Just please leave me out of it. I PREFER TO BE CRANKY AT TELEVISION SHOWS THAN PEOPLE.

The rest of you, come on down. I don’t promise coherency, but I DO promise a lot of stuff said in all-caps!

---

Hello! Thank you for joining me! We watched the remaining few episodes of She-Ra last night! I hated them! Yaaay!

What did I hate? OH HO HO MANY THINGS FRIENDS MANY THINGS. It’s not just stuff from the final couple of episodes either, I want to clarify. It’s the entire final season, settling on last few episodes like the freshly fallen snow on your front lawn that some frat boys decide to pee their names into. By the time we’d gotten to these last episodes, there was really nothing left for me but confirmation of all the shit I’d come to hate. SO THANKS I GUESS FOR PROVING ME RIGHT

Which isn’t to say there was nothing to enjoy in the final episodes! There was!

5. She-Ra’s Triceps. GET BUFF GIRL. I LOVE how Adora and She-Ra look similar, but very much not identical. Adora’s no slouch when it comes to physical stuff, but they go the extra mile to show us how She-Ra is that much more. HOW RARELY DO YOU GET TO SEE A WOMAN WITH MUSCLES. I’ve been nothing but impressed by the ways the show drew the line between Adora and She-Ra, and however I felt about its handling of other elements, it didn’t let me down here.

4. Sometimes A Family Is A Twink, A Lizard, And Their Imp Baby. I don’t have further commentary on this, and I need none.

3. Welcome Home, Daddy. THIS WAS SO SPECTACULAR. Glimmer had, I would argue, the most realized arc in the story. It was so gratifying to see this as a culmination, not just of her own struggle with her magical power and ability to harness it, but her willingness to do what needs doing, however personally difficult. That was a stumbling point Angelica could never overcome, continually trying to micromanage and protect Glimmer rather than trusting her and recognizing her for the asset she was. Also though, more succinctly: YESSSS BITCH

2. A Shanty! THIS WHOLE SCENE WAS PERFECT NO NOTES. Just the right blend of silly and sincere, a genuine delight as even brainwashed Mermista had had enough of Sea Hawk’s shit, AND so much more clever than it seemed at first glance. THIS IS THE ONLY VALID HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP IN SHE-RA I AM NOT TAKING QUESTIONS AT THIS TIME

1. Shadow Weaver. SHADOW FUCKING WEAVER. What a complicated, fascinating character, bar none the most interesting in the entire series. I do think they pulled their punch right at the very end with her, but I AM capable of remembering I’m watching a kid’s show, so I can only get so disappointed about it. Mostly, she remained a beautifully morally complex character, and she was one of my greatest personal delights from beginning to end*.

(*) Boy did this show have one single solution for mommy issues though.

THAT WAS ABOUT IT. So let’s get to why we’re all really here, and that is MY SCREAMING OH MY GOD WHERE DO I BEGIN

Nah, I know exactly where to begin.

GLIMMER AND BO JESUS MCTRISKET I AM GOING TO EXPLODE AND SHOWER THE UNIVERSE IN THE SHRAPNEL OF MY HATE

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

WHERE DID IT COME FROM

HOW CAN I SHOVE IT BACK IN THE HATEFUL SPEWHOLE THAT SIRED THIS BULLSHIT

WHY WHY IS THIS HERE WHY IS THIS IN MY FACE WHERE MY EYES HAVE TO SEE IT FUCK ME SIDEWAYS THIS IS THE MOST UNNECESSARY SHOEHORNED IN HET ROMANCE FUCK A DOODLE NONSENSE I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO BEAR WITNESS WHAT IS IT DOING IN THIS OTHERWISE EXPONENTIALLY GAY CARTOON

WERE YOU PANDERING TO THE STRAIGHTS

WHY ARE YOU PANDERING TO THE STRAIGHTS I ASSURE YOU WE ARE COVERED BOTH HISTORICALLY AND FICTIONALLY

ALSO NEED I REMIND YOU THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED HETEROSEXUAL PERFECTION

NO MERMISTA NO WE ARE NOT ALL JUST LIKE OKAY WITH THIS

Oh my FUCKSTICKS, I could’ve rolled with so much more that angers/disappoints me about She-Ra’s ending if every single thing I feared about this hadn’t proved true.

AND. IT. WAS. SO. UNNECESSARY.

What exactly did pairing off Glimmer and Bo do for the story? For their characters? THIS IS THE PART THAT’S STABBING ME IN THE DELICATE WEBBING OF MY TOES. Because -- COME WITH ME A MOMENT SWEET ANGELS -- because I was under the impression that, oohhhh, I dunno, FRIENDSHIP WAS A HUGE FUCKING IMPORTANT PART OF THIS PASTEL HELLSCAPE

Is it, She-Ra? IS IT REALLY???? When not one but BOTH of your childhood friendship pairings end in romance? When you close out your five seasons with romantic relationships so painfully and specifically sown across the character landscape like an overzealous gardener turned loose on the world?

You know what you have at the end? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

THIS ISN’T A BEST FRIENDS SQUAD IT’S A DOUBLE DATE THAT NEVER MERCIFULLY ENDS

And again I ask, Why?? What was it about Glimmer and Bo’s relationship that needed them to become romantic? What was LACKING that this was the solution?

THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME LOSE MY GODDAMN SHITTING MIND I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS INSIPID MYOPIC TRASHBAG OF A CONCEPT

I believed She-Ra’s entire premise about friendship, I believed it wholeheartedly, and I’m so PISSED that at the close of day, narratively, it swept it all the bin. AND YES, YES IT DID, otherwise, WHY IS IT THERE. It serves no story-based need, it serves no character-based need, it has no NEED at all. So is it meant to be a “reward” to Bo and Glimmer for winning the war, as if their lifelong friendship were not reward enough? Is it meant to show they’ve walked through the flames and emerged with stronger, deeper bonds, because of course a relationship can only go SO deep without fucking. There’s no avenue to Romantic Relationship that doesn’t simultaneously point to something lacking in Platonic Relationship, AND I AM FURY PERSONIFIED

I am so tired of this. I’m SO TIRED of this.

And it didn’t need to be there. They didn’t even TRY to give us a good reason. That may be the part that makes me the angriest. Of COURSE they hook up romantically, of COURSE their platonic love would grow into “more”.

Fuck YOU, She-Ra. I thought you were better than that. YOU WERE SO CLOSE TO BETTER THAN THAT

THEN THERE WAS CATRA

I get it, I guess. I mean, I think it’s shittily written, but I GUESS. Honestly, end of day, I just don’t care about Catra enough to really get too angry about it, particularly when as I’m so fucking incendiary over something much more important to me. But it’s also the show’s greatest creative failure, and even if I HADN’T gotten angrier at other choices, it would’ve still cut its own legs out from under it.

Catra’s “redemption” was weak and sad and did a disservice to her and everyone involved. She started self-centered and shitty, and she ended just as self-centered and shitty, only we’re fine with that now. She learned nothing and changed nothing, but also nobody ever demanded it of her, so I can only lay so much at the character’s feet. The problem is ultimately creative, where I think Noelle Stevenson got lost in her own love of the character, and somewhere along the way forgot that if you take them out that far, you have to be willing to walk them the long road back. Compare to poor Glimmer, for fuck’s sake, whose greatest sin was being desperate enough to be manipulated by the character whose entire fucking DEAL is being THE manipulator. How much shit did she get for that? How long was she punished? Meanwhile Catra becomes THE Big Bad for a while, nearly unravels all of reality in a fit of supreme lesbian angst and self-pity, directly leads to the death of the planet’s ruling monarch who also happens to be GLITTER’S MUM and DIRECT FRIEND TO THE SHOW’S HEROES, but that’s fine, you did one sorta good thing one time and even though it was also wrapped in a thick film of self-pity and a final fuck-you at Adora, all is forgiven!

Speaking of, Adora suffers just as much from stunted growth. From the beginning, her thing was control, unable to free herself from the responsibility of everything and everyone. What did we have at the end? Adora as the only one who could save everything and everyone. Yeah, they kept asking what it was SHE wanted, BUT THEN SHE NEVER ACTUALLY GOT TO CHOOSE. NOT activating the failsafe wasn’t an option for her, and while she wound up not having to die to do it, even that wasn’t her choice in the end, it was Catra’s. (Don’t even get me started on her nth hour “You love me?” fuckery when it wasn’t once for one single second shown to be a question of such life-turning importance.)

All of which could be interesting! That Catra and Adora went through all this, came so far to wind up right where they started? AWESOME. LOVE IT. FUND IT. But really all that happens is nobody minds now that Catra’s a self-involved little shit and tee-hee another Best Friends Squad Mission being bullrushed by Adora within five minutes of ending the last one isn’t that funny?

I can’t even dig much enjoyment out of Adora and Catra as a trope subversion (if one of them was a male, their romantic involvement wouldn’t have even been a QUESTION), because the show lost its fucking mind with romantically pairing everybody off in the final five minutes. WHICH BRINGS ME RIGHT BACK TO MY PREVIOUS SCREAMING SO I’LL STOP THERE.

There was other stuff, of course. I think it was a TERRIBLE decision to spend the last season with the focus split between the two groups of rebels, and writing half the cast into brainwashing. I think the Nettossa and Spinnerella stuff was wasted and lacked any punch at all because the show for some reason or another couldn’t be bothered to let us spend any time with them to care. The waste of Scorpia and Mermista especially (to people named Jet Wolf who are me) was fucking CRIMINAL. Speaking of Scorpia, wouldn’t her showdown with Bo have been so much more poignant if they’d had really any kind of interaction before that moment to build from? (Sure, it’s Scorpia, so if you’re going to sell the lack of context with anyone it’s her, BUT ALSO.) Hey, remember Huntara? No? NEITHER DID THE SHOW.

All my details aside though, MY MANY MANY MANY DETAILS, what kills/rages me most about She-Ra was how so much potential from the first four seasons was just flushed away. Whether it was the creative team shooting itself in the foot or corporate pressure and rushing from Netflix, I don’t know. I don’t CARE. This is the show I was given, so this is the show I have, and that kind of fall after that kind of potential doesn’t just irritate me, it makes me SAD. I wouldn’t be this disappointed if I didn’t think it could have been -- WAS -- so much more.

Time will tell if I can separate out the final season from how much I loved those that came before it. I like to hope so, because I did love it intensely and loved whenever I got the chance to really dig in and talk about it.

WHATEVER ELSE I SUPPOSE I WILL ALWAYS HAVE THIS

Again please remember that I am not at present looking to argue or debate my feelings and opinions. I get to just be angry and disappointed, as a treat!

#jet wolf watches she ra #a novel by jet wolf #ANYWAY THAT'S ENOUGH ENERGY SPENT ON THIS CHILD'S CARTOON FOR ONE 24 HOUR PERIOD

39 notes · View notes

tfw-no-tennis · 3 years ago

Text

the animorphs continues, david trilogy style

here we are...we finally arrived....the david triology

I did remember a good amount of these books from when I read these when I was like 11. but I also forgot a lot an hooooly shit

WHERE TF DO I EVEN START. so that shit slapped obvs. it really felt like the series has been leading up to this - all the characters have had to make really difficult no-correct-answers decisions, and it leads up to this - the ultimate shitty situation with absolutely no good, clear solutions, and everyone gets to contribute to the awful conclusion!

one thing that really stood out to me is that with David's inclusion as this kind of ‘outsider’ within the group, even though none of it was from his POV, we still get a huge sense of the animorphs being an extremely well-oiled team, who all know and trust each other very well - especially w/Jake as the leader - Jake has to make a lot of decisions in these books but the other animorphs always listen to him

this all probably didn’t help David, who was already thrown into a completely crazy situation, and who now has to deal w/this group of kid superheroes who work very well together. it also doesn't help that David doesn't really try to find his place on the team

anyways I love how much wild shit happens in animorphs always. like they try to steal the blue box as birds and then David chases them off w/a bb gun? and then they end up in this huge alien showdown with visser 3 and his troops in David's house? batshit

also the hilariously 90s part w/the email...lmao. like its the 90s so there's no way to shut off the automatic email remotely, they HAVE to go to David's computer, and they also can just unplug it...lmao they should've just taken out the phone lines tbh

also I completely forgot about the whole plot w/the world leaders meeting and the yeerks and stuff. that really served to ramp up the tension and also make it obvious that David was an outsider as he consistently fucked things up then played it off

also KAA did a masterful job of making David juuuust a little sympathetic in book 20, but still Off enough that you're like ehhhh I don't know about this guy...then he goes full awful creep and it becomes obvious that there’s no way they’ll be able to let him stick around in any capacity

the bit where David kills the crow for no reason is the first Real indication that this is gonna go seriously wrong. but even before all that, his conversations w/Marco gave me like, school shooter vibes

these books are full of some REALLY good tension. the whole end of book 21 was so tense - they've been gearing up for this mission for days now, and they’ve had to do some crazy stuff to get where they are, so the realization that it’s all a trap is completely chilling

and then when David tried to betray them to visser three...the gravity of that decision is unmistakable, because then the yeerks would find out that the animorphs are (mostly) human children, and they’d even know who they are, and that would be the end

I loved the part where David tries to act like he was just setting up an ambush w/his betrayal to the visser, and Jake immediately has everyone play along - and they do. earlier in the series someone - probably Rachel or Marco - likely would have ignored Jake bc of how slimy David was acting, but they've basically become a highly efficient military squad at this point, and it was a perfect slow slide into that over the last 20 books, and now is the time when the reader kinda realizes this (at least for me)

even if they don’t agree w/Jake and think they should just address the David problem right then and there, they all trust Jake as their leader to make that decision

also the fact that these are the first books to do the ‘to be continued’ thing rather than wrapping the plot up...it really made it feel all the more tense

in other books I normally look at the page count and go ‘ok so this conflict will be solved in this scene cause there are only 15 pages left’ (which is st I do a lot I now realize lmaooo I can pretty much gauge what’ll happen based on how many pages are left - and I do this when I read fanfic too, by looking at where the scroll bar is...anyways)

BUT w/these books its totally up in the air cause they can end anytime and just get continued next book, which makes it so much more tense imo

also I fucking loooove the part in book 21 where they’re hiding out with that little pool of yeerks - and I actually bookmarked some pages for these liveblogs, so I have quotes, this one from Jake -

‘There was something wrong about killing defenseless slugs. I was pretty sure about that.’

Oh, Jake, that opinion is gonna change someday....

it is a little ironic considering he jacuzzi’d those yeerks in like book 7 or w/e. but alas its still a fantastic line that serves to show in the end how much things have changed

also I love that the decision not to kill those defenseless yeerks end up helping them later - the yeerks check the pool bc they’re so certain that if the andalite bandits HAD snuck in, they surely would have killed the helpless yeerks. but they didn’t, so that means the andalite bandits didn't sneak in....

I like when the characters do a morally good thing and are then rewarded by the narrative for it - it’s pretty rare in this series, where there are usually NO morally correct choices (such is life) or they’re actively punished for making a ‘good’ decision (one could argue that the decision to make David an animorph instead of letting him become a controller was a morally good decision, but it had dire consequences).

Ok and the part I have to talk about w/these books of course - everything w/Rachel. bc damn Rachel really goes through it in this trilogy. I absolutely LOVE the character development she gets, and I especially enjoyed the way her and Jake's relationship was developed

anyways, one of the best and most fucked up quotes of the series, from Jake’s POV in book 21 -

<Ax? I think Tobias is dead,> I said. <I think David killed him.> <That would be a most terrible thing,> Ax said. <Yeah. Get Rachel. If David’s killed Tobias, we may have to do a terrible thing, too. Get Rachel.>

AUGHHHHH fucking chills I swear. also eternal love for them saying dead/killed/etc and never shying away from it. it really wouldn't have the same impact if they used the normal kid-safe PG words

but yeah Jake asking for Rachel when he thinks that they may have to hunt down and kill David? phewwww.

and the significance of this is never downplayed. this essentially confirms that Jake sees Rachel as the one who is willing and able to do the dirty work - and specifically in this case, it’s also likely bc it was Tobias who was ‘killed’ and he knows how Rachel feels about Tobias

but like, that’s so fucked up, I love it. they give this situation the exact amount of weight it requires - ch1 of book 22 has this part from Rachel -

‘If David had hurt Tobias, I would... But what was the point in making threats? I didn't need to make threats. I knew what I would do. So did Jake. That’s why he’d sent Ax for me.’

at first, it seems like Rachel is on the same page as Jake, but when it becomes clearer later that Jake sent Ax specifically to get Rachel bc she could do the terrible thing that had to be done - instead of just bc they needed reinforcements and she was closest - then things change

but even when Rachel gets rightfully upset later over this, you get the sense she still never really sees any option other than to kill David. it’s not even the ‘killing David’ part that upsets her, it’s that Jake, her cousin, immediately thinks of her as the person to do the deed

so, another fantastic quote from Rachel -

‘Tobias was dead. Jake might still die. And I was going to have to go after David. I was going to have to hunt him down. I was going to hunt him down and destroy him. No, not destroy. That was a weasel word. It was vague, meaningless. I was going to kill him.’

fucking WOW. like really. that bit right there is just perfect quintessential dark animorphs. it just subverts the classic kid-friendly phrasing, using words like ‘hunt down’ and ‘destroy’ instead of kill. But Rachel says it like it is. she’s not going to destroy David, she’s going to kill him.

But then a few pages later, after Ax tells her the quote where Jake asks for her specifically -

‘It definitely made me feel strange. Jake had called for me specifically. Because he wanted someone who would do precisely what I was planning to do. Like I say, I’m not big on feelings, but something about that felt wrong.’

I say it a lot but wow do these kids need So Much Therapy. these are like...8th graders. jesus christ. when I was in 8th grade I was busy planning sims-playing get-togethers w/my fellow 13 year old friends. christ animorphs

and fuck, the part where Rachel threatens David’s family, and shoves a fork in his ear? jesus. and the fact that Jake knew that Rachel was going to threaten David and let her go do it...

and then afterwards, Rachel says -

‘I felt...not exactly ashamed. But I knew I never wanted to talk to Cassie about what I’d just told David. Or Tobias. Or even Marco.’

I'm gonna make some leaps here but I think it’s really interesting that Rachel even mentions Marco here, and says ‘or even Marco.’ like, the ‘even’ seems to imply that Marco would otherwise be somebody she WOULD talk to about something like this.

which...kinda tracks, tbh. Marco is Mr Ruthless, he’s a cold, pragmatic strategist when he isn’t cracking jokes as a coping mechanism. it makes sense that Rachel would talk to him about things like this - he would make jokes, but he’d also understand

I'm just so interested in all the highly varying dynamics that exist within the group okay

and then right after Rachel says -

‘But I swear at that moment I hated Jake far more than I did David. I should have told them all what had happened. But Jake already knew, didn’t he? Jake, the smart, determined leader, already knew all about me.’

that's fucking daaark okay. It paints this picture of Jake having become this master manipulator who knows all about Rachel’s violent tendencies and is using them to his full strategic advantage

Oh my god okay and then all the stuff w/Saddler, christ. I had completely forgotten about that plotline but there was so much fucked up stuff there, too

and the scene where Rachel gives some good life advice to her little sister, and it’s a good bit to remind the reader and characters of the world outside of animorphs conflict...and then David speaks up.

that was such brutal mood whiplash, when you realize that David is morphed and hidden in Rachels room somewhere...fucking chilling

that whole scene just oozes disgusting creepiness. David’s fixation on Rachel specifically, and his rage at being ‘bested’ by her, really feels like misogyny to me. while David butted heads w/Marco, you never got the same sense of anger and disgust that he displays towards Rachel.

and the line where he says ‘hey, enjoy your shower’ made me shudder in disgust. christ. there are a lot of revolting, dark implications there.

also, book 22 obviously does a ton of fantastic character work for Rachel, but it does the same for Jake, too. and Cassie, but ill get to that later

we get to see so much of Jake as a leader and a strategist here, and pitting him and Rachel against each other (so to speak) makes for some excellent characterization, like when Rachel starts questioning why he asked for her -

“I thought David had killed Tobias. I thought he might kill me. I wanted...firepower.” “I see. You wanted me for my morphs.” It was a good answer. It could have almost been true.

and then we get a brief pit stop at the children's hospital where the fucked up parade continues - David morphed Saddler, Rachel and Jake’s injured/dying young cousin, and is pretending to be him, miraculously recovered from his accident

and meanwhile he DUMPED THE REAL SADDLER’S BODY DOWN AN ELEVATOR SHAFT. I literally cant, what the FUCK.

and they never really follow up on it but the whole family and all the Drs think its this miraculous recovery against all odds, but then obviously David disappears and therefore so does Saddler - do they ever find his real body? how completely fucked up that must have been - so much worse than if saddler had just died from his injuries - the miraculous recovery completely overturned by a bunch of stuff that doesn’t even make sense to anybody except Jake and Rachel....

anyways, after all that completely fucked up bullshit, we have the Jake and Rachel confrontation, Jake’s whole speech about Rachel is amazing, but here are my highlights -

“I think you’re the bravest member of the group. I think in a bad fight I’d rather have you with me than anyone else. But yeah, Rachel, I think there’s something pretty dark down inside you. I think you’re the only one of us who would be disappointed if all this ended tomorrow.”

I mean, christ. imagine your fellow 13 year old cousin saying this to you. oh MAN. and I love so much that Jake isn’t wrong, but he also is? he understands what Rachel will do, but not why she’s doing it. and I talked abt it before but Rachel has found herself in this box of ‘the brave/reckless blood knight,’ and feels pressure to live up to that reputation.

so how much of it is a façade that she puts on bc she’s expected to, and how much of it is how she really feels? well, she got that reputation initially for a reason, but she gets pushed more and more in that direction as the series progresses, both bc of the unintentional pressure to live up to her role as the Xena of the group, and bc it’s really, really useful to have somebody like Rachel on your side

Then Rachel says -

‘I tried to look at myself the way Jake saw me. Was it true? Did I love this war?’

I'm gonna lose it, these poor fucking middle schoolers. Rachel, listen, you’re 13, you’re a child soldier, of course you don't love the war you’re fighting...I need every child therapist on the block to come here right now

like jesus being 13 is hard enough without all this nonsense. it’s such a tenuous time in development, and add something like this - someone like Rachel, who is somewhat pigeonholed by society as ‘vapid, pretty blonde who loves to shop’ would of course flourish in an environment where she gets to show how much of a 3-dimensional Person she is - she can love shopping and also kick ass! nice! but also, like, trauma.

So then Rachel says this about Jake -

“Jake, you’re a leader now. You make life-and-death decisions. All the time. You’ve learned to do that. And,” I added bitterly, “you’ve learned to use people. You use them for their strengths and their weaknesses.”

Fucking read, wow. I feel like Rachel is absolutely correct here, if not simplifying things a lot. like, yes, Jake does make these unfathomable decisions on the regular, but he’s got tons of conflict over every single thing he does, and there was a lot of uncertainty and trial-and-error leading up to this. but she is correct that he’s learned, and is clearly a lot more comfortable in his role as a military leader now.

I just love the contrast these two have. Rachel, with the burden she carries as the bravest - the fighter of the team, who must be relied on in battle and to do the things that nobody else will do - and Jake, the leader, who has to make decisions knowing that he could get his friends killed at any time, and still trust that they’ll listen.

And then Jake says -

“But everyone draws their own line[...] For example, see, I used to think my line was drawn at using my friend, my cousin, to do my dirty work. Guess that turned out not to be true. Sorry, Rachel.”

And then they hug and vow to murder David together, as a team. Heartwarming cousin bonding! Again, so much therapy.

So yeah I love that scene. especially when you take into consideration Rachel’s ultimate fate, and Jake’s part in it. excuse me while I go weep.

Anyways, to the end. THE ENDING....it gets me every time. I’ll never be over it. I don’t remember much about animorphs from when I read it at age 11 but I really really remember the ending to book 22. The way they masterfully set David up, the rat morph, the pipes, THE LEGO, the reveal that they planned the entire thing, the moment when David realizes what’s going to happen to him....oof. It’s not something I could forget, even w/my notoriously horrible memory when it comes to media

Also I feel like there was more subtle misogyny when David insists on humiliating/subjugating Rachel, just because she proved earlier that she was stronger and smarter and better than him...eugh David is just such a disgusting creep that you don’t even end up feeling bad for him even though he’s a middle schooler being handed a fate worse than death. I mean, he tossed a dead/dying kid’s body down an elevator shaft in a children's hospital. I’m pretty sure he deserves this.

And here’s the part where I talk about Cassie. because even though she didn’t get a POV book in the David trilogy, she still got some brutally fantastic character development. here we see David starting to realize what’s happening -

‘Cassie was crying. David hadn't asked who the mastermind of the plan was. Who it was who had so accurately appraised his emotions, his need to build his ego, the fact that he would choose me to be his “companion.” Cassie, of course. Cassie had worked it out, step by step, after Jake and I had failed to come up with anything. For Cassie, it was an improvement over the alternatives. See, no one was going to have to die. But David’s life would end, just the same.’

CASSIE. The dark horse, except not really, bc this is perfectly in line with what we know about her, especially coming off book 19, her last POV book before this. in that book she makes some absolutely awful decisions, all to avoid having to kill somebody.

After all of Jake and Rachel’s badass vows to take David down, it’s Cassie who finds the solution.

To a lot of people, David’s fate could be considered worse than death. To Cassie, it’s a better alternative. That speaks volumes about her, and I love it.

Also, the MANIPULATION. Cassie in the David trilogy really gets to flex her interpersonal manipulation skills, which I love to see. It’s such a fascinating aspect of her character; a really interesting use of empathy

Like the scene in book 20 where David freaks out as a roach and she manipulates him into not giving them away by pitting him against Marco, someone who David doesn’t get along with, by saying ‘if Marco can do it, can’t you?’ because she knows he’ll fall for it. And he DOES.

And then the part in the cafeteria where she basically plays the ‘good cop’ to everyone else in the group’s ‘bad cop.’ Not ONLY does she manage to get David to shut up and listen to her, she also posits her theory that he wants to blue box to trade it for his parents - which his reactions to her questions confirms as true. and nobody else in the group suspected this.

She lures him into a sense of security by talking kindly and quietly about how she understands how he feels, then hits him with what she knows and gets him to confirm it, which then allows Rachel to accurately threaten him.

And then Cassie, offscreen, comes up with the entire plan on how to trap David as a rat, because from the beginning she had him figured out. David didn’t pay much attention to Cassie - more misogyny tbh, as Cassie is the girl on the team who isn’t an aggressive, feminine blonde - and that ended up being a huge reason for his downfall.

David also didn’t pay much attention to Tobias, and clearly didn’t see him as human at all, and that made Tobias very valuable after David assumed he had killed Tobias.

Ok, back to the ending - the fact that it was Rachel and Ax who stayed there to wait the two hours for David to become a nothlit....

Rachel says -

‘Jake’s a good leader. He knows when to use us. He knows when to protect us. He knew he had to protect as many of his people as he could from what was going to happen.’

fucking brutal. TWO HOURS of listening to this awful kid beg and threaten and barter. I can’t even imagine.

And Ax too! He gets overlooked a lot as an alien, and it’s probably true that all of this impacts him differently than the other human animorphs, it can’t be in any way pleasant to have to sit there for two hours and act as a living timer to count down this kid’s life. Ax is a kid, too, and an isolated one at that, being the only Andalite on the team.

So yeah that scene is awful. Rachel even says -

‘Two hours. But that two hours of horror will last forever in my mind. If I live a hundred years, I will still hear his cries, his threats, his pleading, each night before sleep takes me. And beyond sleep, in my dreams.’

I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but jesus christ, THEY NEED SO MUCH THERAPY. The fact that one of the constants in all of the POVs is the nightmares that all the animorphs consistently have....geez

Okay so I know in my last two liveblogs I ended them by comparing animorphs to another series - hxh and mtmte - but I honestly am drawing a blank for this...

I guess the only thing I can think of is to compare it to mob psycho 100, which is another very good, very subtly subversive series

In mp100, the entire Point is that the very powerful psychic middle schoolers DON’T end up using their powers to fight life-or-death battles against adult enemies in order to save the world and whatnot. the Point is that that’s fucked up, and these kids shouldn’t be responsible for something like that, no matter how powerful they are

and basically the character who says all that is Reigen, an adult who actively prevents the middle schoolers from joining what would be some very traumatizing fights

basically my point here is less to compare the two shows and more to say - the poor animorphs could really use a Reigen huh. like, they seriously need an adult who’ll step in and say ‘wait a second, these kids are doing WHAT? hold the fucking phone, no way, get some actual adults in here to solve this shit. not today!’

the closest they could've come to an adult figure in their lives is Elfangor and he dies like 5 minutes after giving them superpowers, soooo....

man mp100 slaps I should rewatch it. anyways yeah the theme of this post is ‘the animorphs need therapy and also a stable adult figure in their lives to help them not get traumatized all the time’ thank you for coming to my ted talk

#this is like a whole ass thesis lmao i have quotes and everything look at that #lj reads animorphs #had to fix that tag bc it used to say 'read' instead of 'reads' smfh #animorphs

3 notes · View notes

joecial-distancing · 3 years ago

Text

July Roundup

Lifestyle:

I’ve been getting back into running this summer. It’s been about 4 years since I’ve done any serious running, and I have been made painfully aware of the differences in my body at age 29 compared to 25. My knees hurt more, I need to attend to stretching much more seriously than I used to. I’m coming at the task with better self-knowledge than last time, though; I know how far and how fast I’ve been capable of pushing, and I find an enormous amount of comfort and strength from that familiarity.

I’ve also been applying to jobs, a process which started as nauseatingly daunting, but has gradually settled into just a regular chore of the week (ideally chore of the day, if I’m to keep up with new years resolutions). Getting a resume mushed into a satisfying shape has felt nice, as has getting together a form cover letter that I know hasn’t hurt my chances of getting my foot in doors. Annoyance Boxes checked off, and the rest is getting familiar with the rest of the grind. Interviews have been and will be the same process.

Games:

I’ve also been playing a lot of Sekiro. I’ve always “liked” Fromsoft games, but it’s been rare that I’ve been able to justify the time investment. There’s an appeal in the structure, endless chances to bash myself against a problem until it clicks, being able to run drills when stuck or inadequate (and there is a hook in the inadequacy; nothing frustrates me more than being unable to Just figure out a solution, or requiring too much time to get there. I have a tense relationship with time and deadline pressure. Impatience is one of my greatest vices). So with school finished, I’m diving into this as a treat to myself. The systems are fun, and the camera is so fucking awful that I get unreasonably angry about it. One thing I always do with these games that I think is anathema to a lot of their fans is to spoil myself on what I’m up against. In dark souls I would always have open area maps, rather than try to navigate the combat and exploration simultaneously. It put my mind at ease, I didn’t like the discomfort of the tension of untriggered surprise. And with Sekiro, I know roughly the zones I’m up against, I’m not above watching videos of the boss fights to learn the proper counters etc. No shame, no honor, that’s not what I get out of these games, really.

As with running, so with jobsearch, so with Sekiro, the method is diligence, the appeal is the pleasure of feeling my improvement over time. There is nothing more exciting to me than casually accomplishing something that I know would have annihilated me only a short time ago. I can finish 2 miles in 20 minutes, I want to get it down to 15. This also means the videogame tends to lose out on the priorities list—if I’m wanting to dedicate myself to practice, there’s almost always a different outlet that’d be better outcomes in the long run

very 8 of pentacles mood overall, lately.

Books:

I’m almost done with Pynchon’s Against the Day, which had taken up all of my Reading attention span this month. Unless it does something in the final 8% to lose me hard, it’ll probably clock in as my 2nd favorite of his stuff, behind Gravity’s Rainbow. Anarchism as expressed against American mining companies, European empires, and the Mexican state; searches for a lost paradise city; warfare between schools of mathematics; the nature of Light. At face value, it feels closest to Gravity’s Rainbow and Mason & Dixon, compared to the rest of his work (I know there’s a lot of subtext and referencing going over my head with all of these in terms of both history and literature; I noticed a lot of reviews of AtD focused about the variety of genre style work that he’s pulling from in certain sections, nearly all of which is lost on me. It has, however, been very fun to me that I’m able to keep up with the mathematic academia infighting depicted in this). There’s a “fairy tales coming to life” quality to all three, if instead of Grimms’ stories it’s historical models of the world: Supersonic rockets wreck the flow of pavlovian cause & effect, the destruction of natural landscape in the course of linear surveying becomes a direct conduit for a massive influx of evil energy, quaternion mathematics casting time as real and space as imaginary allow a yogi to contort himself out of sight and into the imaginary plane. The aether is experimentally disproven in the beginning of Against the Day’s timeline, which doesn’t stop holdout engineers and mystics from working wonders with it.

It feels like there’s about as much going on in here as GR, but where GR is claustrophobically overstuffed (which is also part of the reason it’s a better book) and Mason & Dixon gets kind of plodding, the material here is given space to breathe, without losing momentum. It probably helps that the characters in this are a.) numerous, and b.) unusually solid as far as Pynchon goes.

It’s also got many great examples of something else I really like about Pynchon, which is that he is willing to commit 110% to incredibly stupid jokes. There’s an Elmer Fudd reference in here that completely knocked me on my ass.

Viz:

Watched the Bo Burnham netflix, which was mostly pretty good, though I’m completely out of patience for ostentations self-awareness or fake debate where the ~comedian~ who’s concerned about being ~white privileged mannn~ feels guilty he might be ~taking up space~, doesn’t know that he ~deserrrrves it~... out of patience because I already know what he did with that guilt (if genuine) — he didn’t scrap the project, he released the fucking thing anyway. What am I to do with this, Bo Burnham? Would you like my permission? Would you like an “it’s ok dude” from people of marginalized groups within your audience? Why am I watching along for a decision you’ve quite literally already made? I don’t trust displays of vulnerability before an audience of this size.

Also watched through I Think You Should Leave, which... sure it’s funny, and also very effective at making me uncomfortable, which is clearly what it’s aiming to do, but. I don’t really get why it’s got such a strong cultural draw within the online spheres I’m normally checked into. Saw some discourse about how the quotability is somehow distinct from regular memeing, which, alright get over yourselves jesus christ.

speaking of flavors of the month, watched 50 shades and lmao. I’ve been told by a trusted source the books are worse which is hilarious.

also speaking of flavors of the [century], S.O. and I have been doing a rewatch of pre-MCU comic book movies, which has been some fascinating anthropology. It meant, though, that we had to sit through howard the duck, an absolutely wretched film. Other highlights so far: willem dafoe power rangers acting, the soundtrack on affleck daredevil (incl a fuckin choice Evanescence exercise montage), Blade & Blade II still hold up.

We’ve also made it to the final season of pre-reboot xfiles. Duchovny’s mostly gone from this last season, replaced largely by robert patrick of T1000 fame, who is a better actor but a worse character, dude’s basically just A Cop. The writing’s weirdly probably better than the last couple Duchovny seasons, but the show doesn’t work without him — his bad acting was the main thing keeping things together, the tone’s all off now.

3 notes · View notes

mrlnsfrt · 3 years ago

Text

True to Myself?

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. - Psalm 51:5 NKJV

This post is not meant as an attack on anyone, it merely represents my current place in my personal journey. If you disagree with any of my points I am open to dialogue, I love to learn and grow. Once again, the views expressed in this post are my personal views.

Who am I?

I remember when I was in middle school I bought a paperback book entitled “who am I?” quiz book. I saw it in one of those Scholastic catalogs we would get at school and ordered it. I found the book and took a picture of it so you can see what I am talking about.

The book is divided into six parts.

The Inside Me

The Outside Me

What Are My Talents

How Do I Deal with Family and Friends?

How Do I Act with the Opposite Sex?

How Do I See the World and How Do I See Myself Fitting into It?

The back cover of the book says

“Here’s a book full of quizzes to help you find out all about the most important person in your life — you! Find out about the inside you, the outside you, your talents, and how you get along with your family, friends, and the opposite sex. Score yourself to find out how you measure up!”

Those of you who remember the early days of Facebook and even MySpace probably remember the quizzes people used to share. The quizzes would have titles like “Which Superhero Are You?” or something along those lines. Buzzfeed has quite the collection of useless quizzes to waste your time. But Buzzfeed would not waste time energy and resources in creating something completely useless. So why do they have so many quizzes about everything under the sun? My guess is that Buzzfeed does that for the same reason it does everything else, to get your attention, your time, and of course, your clicks.

So where am I going with this? Apparently, we are fascinated with ourselves and our mysteries. Many turn to their sign (astrology), their DNA, their family tree, online quizzes, personality tests, IQ tests, etc. We want to find out who we are, what we are like, what our strengths and weaknesses are, what we love and what we are good at among many other things. Clearly, I am in no position to point fingers since I spent some of my hard-earned money as an early teen buying a paperback quiz book that promised to help me figure out who I was.

I believe that there is value in taking time to figure ourselves out. I believe we should be familiar with what we enjoy and what we would rather avoid, what we are good at and what we struggle with. I believe that personality tests, etc. have their place. I am often concerned about self-improvement and I greatly value feedback. I understand that too much of this can be unhealthy, so I try to limit it to asking my leadership team to fill out a pastoral ministry evaluation form once a year. I want to know if I am improving, I want to know what I am doing well, I want to know what I could do better.

I guess this approach means I have a growth mindset. I do not believe that I am the best version of myself and that I can become better. I think I also annoy my wife a bit with this since I ask her how I could be a better husband fairly often. It is probably not very endearing to hear your significant other asking you, “So on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate my performance this last month?” “In which areas of the home life do you wish I was more involved?” etc.

I share all this as a way of recognizing my personal journey which shapes my view of life. I share this hoping that you can understand where I am coming from. This view of myself is deeply shaped by my personal theological views.

Fallen Human Nature

I believe that our core humans are not good, kind, and loving. I believe that at our core even our kindness is shaped by some selfish desire and only God can change that in us.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? - Jeremiah 17:9 NKJV

One of the reasons we seek these quizzes is because who we are is not obvious to us. We can lie to ourselves, which also renders these quizzes inaccurate. That’s why the above passage from Jeremiah is so significant to me. The practical way that I apply this verse in my personal life is that I distrust myself. I seek God for guidance, strength, wisdom, and help. This understanding of my natural state, as one that is fallen, causes me to not look within myself for the solution, but rather to God.

Here are the two verses that come before the one quoted above.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, And whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit. - Jeremiah 17:7-8 NKJV

According to these verses, when I trust and hope in the Lord, everything will turn out okay. My trust should not be in humans, including myself, my hope does not come from what I see, but is ultimately established in God. When I look inward I find reasons to lose hope. I find the words of David recorded in Psalm 51 very appropriate.

Have mercy upon me, O God, According to Your lovingkindness; According to the multitude of Your tender mercies, Blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin.

For I acknowledge my transgressions, And my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, And done this evil in Your sight— That You may be found just when You speak, And blameless when You judge.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. - Psalm 51:1-5NKJV

I strongly recommend reading the entire chapter. David wrote this when he was confronted regarding his sin of adultery and murder. David could have made excuses, he could have simply had the prophet who accused him killed, instead, he repented and recognized that he was sinful, he was guilty, and in desperate need of forgiveness.

One of the principles that jump out at me from Psalm 51 is that David did not blame God for his sin, or for the temptation that led to his sin. He could have argued that he was born that way, that he was attracted to the woman, and that he was simply following his heart, that he was simply being true to himself. Yet David recognizes that he should have controlled his urges, that he should control his attraction and not the other way around.

Look at what Paul had to say when he wrote to the Ephesians

And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. - Ephesians 2:1-3 NKJV

What I take away from what Paul is saying here is that a life dedicated or guided by the lusts and desires of the flesh goes against God’s plans. What is this flesh? Paul seems to label our internal desire that goes against God’s will as being from the flesh or carnal, as opposed to being from God or the spirit.

True to Myself?

I will try to illustrate this by looking at a challenging passage from the Bible.

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin. - Romans 7:14-25 NKJV (bold mine)

What I take away from Paul’s writing is that he is struggling. He wants to do things that he knows to be right, things that are in accordance with the law of God. Yet it feels like a battle because his body seems to want to do things he does not approve of, things that go against the law of God. I wonder if anyone reading this can relate to Paul’s struggle. You are aware of your duty, of what is right, but you don’t always feel like doing it. Sometimes you feel like being dishonest, choosing violence, not forgiving, getting revenge, cheating, stealing, lying. So what do you do in these circumstances?

If I want to be true to myself, which self do I choose? The self that recognizes God’s will or the self that rebels against God’s will for my life? If I insist that when I break God’s laws I am doing so in the name of being true to myself, does that make it okay?

Just to be clear, you are free to make your own choices. I am simply trying to convey that both choices or paths are not equal. Everyone is free to choose their own path. Any path is bound to have its share of struggles and difficulties. There is no easy path. But there is one path that God calls us to.

Here is how Jesus puts it:

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. - Matthew 7:13-14 NKJV

Some seem to believe that the life of the believer should be one of ease where all problems and difficulties simply evaporate. But I have yet to see one Bible hero who had an easy life.

Jesus also said,

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? - Matthew 16:24-26 NKJV

Jesus poses some important questions. Essentially, you are free to do whatever you want with this life, however, just doing whatever you want, the selfish and easier road will not lead to the best possible outcome. Eternal life is a gift from God and He gives it freely to those who choose Him above all. That means choosing God even above our personal desires. Following Jesus means doing His will even when it is difficult, or especially when it is difficult. You can choose to live for yourself, you can chase all that you want and become very rich, but what good will all the wealth in the world if it costs your eternal life? As Jesus put it “ For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?“

People around you may be all about being true to themselves, but I would argue that we should be more concerned about being true to God. Jesus calls me to deny myself, but this does not mean I cancel myself out. This means that whenever I have to decide between doing what I want and what God wants I should always choose what God wants. What God did for us, what He does, and what He is willing to do cannot be compared to anything this world has to offer.

Here is how Paul sees it,

But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:7-14 NKJV

My Truest Self

I would like to propose to you that we find our truest selves in Jesus. It may feel like our desires to rebel against God represent our true selves, because it feels easier, it feels more natural, and following God feels unnatural, feels difficult. But I would argue that the temptations feel natural because we live in a fallen world that is in a state of rebellion against God. However, God will one day make all things new, perfect just like they were before sin (See Genesis 1-3 and Revelation 21-22). So even though it feels like going against the current to be faithful to God, I choose to be faithful to God, by the strength He provides me through His Holy Spirit, because I know that God’s plans for me are much better than even the plans I have for myself.

For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11 NASB

#identity

1 note · View note

things2mustdo · 4 years ago

Link

We hear the word a lot, it’s what separates males from females and men from boys. So what exactly is it? It is the principle male sex hormone and acts as an anabolic steroid. Having lower testosterone can have horrendous effects on men: decreased muscle mass, weight gain, reduced energy levels, and lower libido.

In a study conducted by VA Puget Sound Health Care Systems and the University of Washington, Seattle, found that “about 19 percent had low testosterone levels; 28 percent had varying low and normal levels”. In addition, testosterone levels decrease 1.5% every year after age 30. Which means you become less of a man every year past age 30. It was also found that “men with low testosterone levels had an 88 percent increase in risk of death compared with those who had normal levels”.

So with all this negativity, is there any hope for man? Yes.

There are plenty of ‘natural’ ways to increase your testosterone levels.

1. Vitamin D3. This vitamin has been linked to increasing testosterone in men and increasing sex drive. (Source)

2. Eat your steak and whole eggs. Testosterone is derived from cholesterol. Sure egg whites and grilled chicken might be a great way to get your protein in, but cutting the red meat and yolks won’t help raise your testosterone. Eggs are very nutrient dense, eat the yolks and reap the benefits. Same goes along with red beef, enjoy your steak. (Source)

3. Workout. Pushing and pulling heavy weights in a compound movement (squats, deadlifts, benching, clean and press, etc.) cause a hormonal change in the body, producing more testosterone (with proper diet of course). (Source)

4. Avoid sugar. It will increase your insulin levels. Not only is that linked to weight gain, but also a reduction in testosterone levels. (Source)

5. Eat your fats. Don’t leave out olive oil, peanut oils, avocados, egg yolks, nuts, and red meat (grass fed). (Source)

Just following these few points can have a dramatic effect on increasing your testosterone levels; your sex drive will rocket, your hard work from the gym will start to show, and women will be so turned on by your pheromones. Moral of the story: don’t underestimate the most important hormone in your body, it’s THAT important.

https://www.returnofkings.com/152812/10-ways-that-modern-society-lowers-your-testosterone-levels

It is no surprise that the current world agenda seeks to destroy men from within but also from the outside at the same time. Only by attacking from all angles can their plans come to fruition. We do not know exactly when this attack started, but in recent years, it has become clear that the intensity of the current agenda’s intentions has increased tenfold.

Why are men targeted? Could it be the fact that by reducing the amount of true men with testes they reduce the chances that authentic revolutions against oppressive governments will happen? Any voice of reason against a corrupt society would swiftly be silenced. It happened 2,000 years ago (Jesus), and it is happening now more aggressively than it has ever happened in history.

Let’s see how men are being targeted for total destruction and implicitly and how to avoid these attacks…

1. Our Food Is Filled With Hormones, Antibiotics And Pesticides

Hormones are abundantly in beef, chicken or dairy products. We eat these daily, however, the hormones have an impact on a man’s health. Testosterone levels are lowered and estrogen levels increase. Manboobs, anyone?

Pesticides are well known chemicals that cause infertility and lower testosterone levels. Yet non-organic vegetables and fruits are abundant in life threatening toxins.

2. Cycling And Jogging

Doing physical activities is so beneficial that writing down all the benefits here would take forever. Yet there are a few physical activities which are unhealthy for the human body. Those kind of activities which have never been done by our ancestors.

For obvious reasons, cycling is unnatural because it uses an invented device. Constant pressure on the testes leads to infertility, reduces testosterone production and diseases.

Like cycling, jogging is an unnatural activity. Our ancestors would either walk or sprint, never jog. It is a useless activity. Jogging and cycling are activities which put continuous and constant stress on the body, leading to an overall decrease in testosterone over time. Do you think it is a coincidence that so much emphasis is being put on activities such as jogging and cycling?

3. Blue Light Bulbs

Blue light exposure has been linked to decreased testosterone levels. It is everywhere. Naturally occurring only in the morning when it helps the body wake up, nowadays we see it right until we close our eyes and go to bed. It is in our phone and computer screens, but most importantly, it is used to illuminate our rooms, bedside lamps and our offices.

Due to “environmental” reasons, it was decided that the classic incandescent bulb uses up too much energy, therefore it is better to use the new LED bulbs with carcinogenic gases.

You can’t run and you can’t hide. These blue-light bulbs are everywhere, creating anxiety and making us feel constantly tired. A tired mind is easy to control, and so is a low testosterone individual.

4. Our Drinking Water Is Filled With Female Hormones

Let me explain. The tap water that you drink also contains treated and cleaned water from our toilets, no mystery here. What we don’t know is that the hormones from a female’s period are flushed down with this same water. Chlorine does not remove hormones, it removes bacteria.

Drinking bottled water could be a solution, but then again, the plastic is also carcinogenic and also lowers our testosterone. Unless we have our own spring, we are fucked.

5. Sugar

Sugar reduces our metabolism to that of a sloth and promotes cancer. It also dramatically lowers our will to do anything meaningful with our lives. It takes down our testosterone due to our bodies prioritizing insulin production. It is addictive, more so than heroin, as proven on lab rats.

6. Aspartame

In an effort to soothe the minds of people concerned with sugar, they have created an even worst product called aspartame. Aspartame produces neurotoxins that excite our nerve cells so much that they die. However, our brain protects itself with a barrier from excess neurotoxins. If the barrier is passed, neurons are killed. The pituitary and pineal glands are also affected, leading to a disruption in our circadian natural rhythm.

Aspartame lowers testosterone and avid consumers would require a prolonged time for their testosterone to recover.

7. Veganism

Veganism is another new fad that keeps people excited about healthy lifestyles. What they don’t know is that this diet is aimed at reducing our aggressiveness and making us docile animals like say… sheep.

Go ahead and tame a lion. Obviously, veganism lowers testosterone and the lack of vitamins and nutrients, which I will explain in future articles, further leads to a pale and unforgiving future for our bodies and brains.

8. Soy

Soy has been part of the hype train of miraculous natural super foods for some decades now. Soy is an estrogenic food and guess what? It lowers your testosterone.

It should be simple by now: anything that is being promoted by the mainstream media should be considered false and damaging to our well-being.

9. The War On Fats

This is another worldwide mass deception promoted by the mainstream doctors and media. Fat is actually healthy and it helps reduce cholesterol due to the fact that if the body receives external cholesterol, then it does not need to produce it on its own, which would lead to the bad cholesterol in our blood.

Testosterone feeds on cholesterol. The higher amount of testosterone you will have, the lower your cholesterol will be. And the more external cholesterol you bring in, the more the testosterone can thrive and increase.

Eating fat meat will increase your health and improve your metabolism (unless you have some condition, in which case you should seek a doctor’s advice).

10. Coffee

Yes exactly, coffee. Caffeine is poison used by plants to protect themselves. Guess what happens when you ingest coffee every day?

Coffee depletes the adrenal glands responsible for regulating our hormones. Combined this with stress and we are sure to fall into an adrenal exhaustion. Testosterone is also one of those hormones, and when the adrenal glands become depleted, there is no way to produce any free or total testosterone within your body.

It takes three weeks to get rid of caffeine. Do you know why caffeine produces bowel movements? Because the body wants to get rid of the poison.

Conclusion

In case you are wondering what would be the best course of action to avoid exposure to factors that are detrimental to our health, the solution is as always simple: life should be lived the way it was meant to, in accordance with nature.

1 note · View note

daddybarnes1ao3 · 4 years ago

Text

“That’s starting to get annoying.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23099530/chapters/55264996

Steve likes Tony, telling him that is very difficult.

Steve Rogers x Tony Stark (SFW)

Steve knew that Tony wasn't exactly the type to show his emotions in any way considered 'normal', so deciphering whether the man was actually interested in him as more than a friend was one hell of a challenge.

Steve had always known he was gay, it was a secret shared by only himself and Bucky. Now, in a new era where being gay was more widely accepted (and not punishable by death), Steve was considering getting himself out there. It was just his luck that the guy he was attracted to had emotional walls higher than the Empire State Building.

He and Tony got along, mostly. It took a while for them to find a rhythm within the Avengers that allowed Tony to have enough control while also letting Steve be the leader he was quite literally made to be. But they managed, and they made quite a leading pair. They still had some legendary arguments, times where their personalities clashed a little too much, but that was just how they were.

Getting Tony alone was also a challenge, especially when it seemed like he was always working on something. If he wasn't locked away in his lab, he was in board meetings, or throwing a charity dinner, or conveniently doing business out of town.

Steve had made it a personal mission to get him alone, and finally just be upfront. There was no room for delicacy here, Steve would have to just ask Tony; do you like me, yes or no?

Finally, finally, Steve got Tony alone under the guise of going over construction plans for the communal floor of Avengers tower. Tony had asked everyone for their input, and Steve had made a show about not understanding much of the architectural side as a way of making Tony think that he wanted to ask for his opinions.

"You got some great ideas, Cap." Tony told him. "I'll make sure Jarvis notates them correctly and incorporates them into the blueprints."

"Thanks, Tony." Steve said, turning to the communal liquor cabinet. "You want a drink while you're here?"

"Sure, why not." Tony shrugged, leaning over the bar. "Pour me a whiskey."

"Coming right up."

Steve studied Tony out of the corner of his eye while pouring his drink. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair wasn't neatly styled like usual, and his suit was crinkled where he seemed to have been sitting for a long period of time.

"How you liking the Avengers tower so far?" Tony asked, sipping the drink Steve passed him.

"It has it's pros and cons, no offence." Steve replied, sitting down across from Tony.

"None taken, kind of." Tony told him, his tone joking. "Tell me the cons and I'll see what I can do."

"It's not much, honestly, I love it here." Steve said, hoping to not offend the man he was trying to flirt with. "Never ending hot water, more friendly faces than I know what to do with."

"Enough flattery, Cap, spill." Tony pushed, allowing Steve to refill his glass.

"Alright. I guess I'd like for my apartment to feel a little more like my old one in Brooklyn from the 40's." Steve told him, ducking his head as his cheeks began to colour.

"Wait, Jarvis hasn't had you call the interior decorator yet?" Tony asked. "Everyone was supposed to have done it weeks ago, I wanted your rooms personalised before you even moved in! What the hell, J?"

A beep sounded in the room, Jarvis' warning for Steve that he was going to speak - a system that had to be put in place after the fourth smashed coffee cup.

"Captain Rogers is a busy man, it was difficult to find a suitable time to notify him of this."

"Then you tell me, and I tell him." Tony sighed, rubbing his hand down his face. "Call in the usual guy, give him a 15% tip to be here before tomorrow evening."

"Yes, sir."

"Tony, that's not-" Steve started to argue, but Tony cut him off.

"What's your next con, Spangles?"

Steve sighed, wondering if he was ever going to get back on topic, but stayed silent.

"Come on, Steve, this is your home too. You should feel completely comfortable." Tony groaned, pulling out his best pleading expression.

Steve couldn't help but melt, he always was a sucker for the puppy dog eyes.

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you." Steve said, smiling. "The clothes Pepper ordered aren't really my style so I've been wearing the same two outfits for weeks, Fury having access to the common room doesn't sit very well with me, I need some form of transportation other than the subway, and I'd really like access to your lab to watch you work."

"J, remove Fury's access to the common room and give Rogers full clearance to my personal areas." Tony said loudly, a smile slowly making it's way onto his face.

"Full clearance, Sir? Not just the lab?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

"Of course, sir."

"I'll give you a catalogue, circle any clothes you want in big red pen and I'll have them delivered as soon as possible. As for transportation, there is a whole fleet of cars and motorbikes on sub-level C which you now have clearance to. Take whichever one you want, as long as you don't crash it." Tony was fully grinning when he finished.

Steve was floored. Tony really did want him to be comfortable, more so than he realised. And it seemed like taking care of people made Tony happy, that was something that Pepper might have mentioned during one of her brief visits.

"Thanks, Tony." Steve whispered, not trusting his voice to speak any higher.

"Anything else?" Tony asked, downing the remnants of his drink.

This was his moment, this was the chance that Steve had been waiting for.

And he couldn't do it.

"No, that's perfect. Thank you."

***

Three weeks, it took three weeks for Steve to cough up the courage to try again with Tony. He had attempted subtle flirting, but it seemed to wash right over the billionaire. But he was refusing to take this defeat.

Currently, he and Tony had been locked in his lab for 36 hours straight. Tony had a major falling out with an executive of another company when he refused to supply him some highly regulated equipment and was on the receiving end of some harsh insults - ones that hit a little too close to home. Steve was locked in too because he tried to go and knock some sense into the stupid guy and even Tony didn't want to deal with the PR nightmare that would result from Captain America beating up an executive of a tech company.

Steve waited patiently for Tony to crash, knowing that it would have to happen soon. Sure enough, something went wrong with whatever he was tinkering with and Tony's solution was to pick the damn thing up and throw it straight across the room.

"Are you okay, Tony?" Steve asked once the thing had finished clattering to the floor.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Tony said, sighing to gain his composure.

"Wow." Steve muttered, looking back down at his book. "That's starting to get annoying."

Tony's head snapped up, rage filling his eyes.

"Excuse me?"

"Those stupid walls you put up." Steve told him, closing his book and dropping it on the table. "Is it really so hard to let someone care about you?"

"Considering no ones ever done that for me? Yes." Tony replied, his tone venomous.

"Oh, bullshit!" Steve shouted. "People do care about you, Tony, you're just too far in your own head and up your own ass to see it!"

"Oh yeah? People like who? Please enlighten me!"

"Rhodey, Pepper, Happy. Jesus, even Jarvis!"

"My assistant, my bodyguard, my college babysitter and the AI that I programmed to like me? Real convincing, Rogers." Tony scoffed, turning back to his workbench.

"What about me?" Steve asked, walking closer to Tony.

"What about you?" Tony asked back.

"I care about you, Tony." Steve said, his voice softer now. "More than you know."

"Don't feed me that shit, Rogers. You couldn't give a damn about me, just like everyone else!" Tony shouted at him.

Steve responded by grabbing Tony's grease covered shirt, pulling him close, and slamming their lips together. Tony didn't respond after a few seconds, so Steve pulled back feeling rejected.

"Tell me I don't care, I dare you." Steve all but snarled, turning and striding towards the door. "Jarvis, let me out."

"Override that order, J. Engage 'King of the Castle' protocol." Tony said from behind him, his voice coming out slightly strangled.

"Protocol engaged, sir."

"Let me out, Tony." Steve said, masking his hurt as anger. He didn't look the other man in the eye, not wanting him to see the tears he knew were in his.

Tony moved quickly towards Steve, pushing him up against the lab doors and kissing him with all he had. Steve responded in kind, once his brain caught up with what was happening. Tony pulled away, his eyes suspiciously bright, licking his lips as he looked Steve up and down. Steve's white shirt was now stained with grease where they had been pressed together, and his lips were definitely more red and swollen than they were thirty seconds ago.

"Oh." Steve whispered, looking down at Tony's lips and beginning to lean back in. "Or don't."

Yeah, they weren't leaving that lab for a while.

#steve #rogers #tony #stark #stony #tony stark #steve rogers #avengers #fanfiction #drabble

12 notes · View notes

infinitesimal-grey · 6 years ago

Text

Prince Starved

Prinxiety G/t College AU

Online friends Roman (Giant) and Virgil (Human) meet for the first time when they find they've been going to the same college. They're both nervous gay wrecks.

Story Warnings: Swearing, bullying, Roman, feeling of helplessness mention of blood, bruises, fighting, violence, mention of abusive parents, abuse scars, attempted murder, maybe more

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, bullying, violence, choking (not the kinky kind)

Word Count: 2,514

Prologue

Roman Knight and Virgil Rivers have been best friends for two years now, but they’ve never met in person.

In fact, they lived on opposite coasts, Roman from California and Virgil from Rhode Island. They both were mutuals on Discord for the longest time before a mutual friend, Talyn, put them in the same group chat together with a few other people. At first they seemed as if they would never get along, at least that was what it seemed to everyone else. Roman and Virgil would argue constantly, filling almost all interaction with insults and banter. That just brought them closer together, and soon they were video calling outside of the group chat. One hour calls turned into two hours turned into twelve… The two were inseparable on any social media. It came as a surprise to their friends who witnessed their interactions that they were so close, but the insults and arguments were quickly known just as proof of how close they are that even the biggest of arguments would be resolved within hours or a day at most. Underneath all that banter both friends were quickly falling in love despite the distance. It was pretty obvious to everyone; except for the two clueless morons involved.

Virgil had lived in a completely segregated human neighborhood with his mom all his life before college, that is. His mom hates giants so she never let Virgil go to any non segregated towns or schools, as a way of rebelling Virgil chose an integrated college. Even so, he was still scared. He spent most of his time avoiding the giant side of campus at all costs. So he had never really seen giants up close before. Virgil lets slip which college he's at during one of their 12 hour facetime sessions and Roman was elated because he also went to that college.

But because of everything around them being to their scale, they never found out the other’s species.

He asked if Virgil wants to meet up and Virgil managed to stutter a yes.

Roman suggested an integrated coffee shop on the border of the giant side of campus. Virgil, in his flustered mind, doesn't even consider the possibility that Romans a giant. Virgil didn't want Roman to think he's afraid of, or hates giants so he said yes. Then they awkwardly both said goodbye while trying not to blush on camera.

Roman, in his excitement, forgot to mention that they're a giant. Virgil didn't mention his species either. And they don't bother to wonder why they've never seen each other around campus at all. They were so busy freaking out because they were meeting each other that neither of them even thought about species.

Virgil gets there early and bites his nails as he went up the human elevator entrance to the cafe. There's human walkways lining inside and outside of the walls so they could walk around the cafe without needing help. Periodically around the room there would be platforms against the wall with tables humans could sit at.

There were also human sized tables built into the giant wooden round tables of varying sizes around the room. The only way to get to those was by being carried by a giant. If the human arrives first when meeting a human, they can wait at a designated platform near the door.

Virgil sat close to the human pickup platform knowing giants would walk by. Specifically so that he could prove to Roman he wasn’t a pussy.

Chapter 1

Roman smiled brightly as he approached the coffeeshop, confidently straightening his white button down top with his free hand. He'd been waiting since forever to meet Virgil; he damn near screamed when he heard Virgil mention his college. The beautiful emo was his best friend in the world and the news had prompted him to invite him out for coffee without even thinking. Roman hadn't thought about his hopeless crush at all, only the fact that he had to see that goofy smile in person as soon as he could. He twirled the black rose he had in his hand, staring at it in debate. He bought it as he had made his invitation, that is to say without thinking. Roman ran his thumb up and down the stem in indecision, popping off a thorn. He watched it fall to the pavement and sighed. No, Virgil was still just a friend, he didn't want to risk it. Roman wouldn't want to make their first meeting uncomfortable.Instead, Roman sadly the rose down on an abandoned iron bench outside the cafe.

Virgil had gotten there a bit too early; but who was he kidding, you could never be too early. After all, the other person could easily decide to arrive early, and then you'd seem late getting there on time, so the obvious solution was to get there even earlier. He'd already finished a first cup of coffee, humming to himself as he messed around with various designs in a small sketchbook while he waited for Roman to arrive. Virgil wasn't too much of an artist, but doodles never failed to help distract from the worries his mind threw at him. Roman’ll actually show up, right? Of course he would, we’ve known each other for ages... But you never know…

The bell above the door dinged.

Roman pushed open the door of the coffee shop, eyes scanning the tables and bar seats for any sign of Virgil. He walked in to avoid blocking the door, now towering right over the human pick up platform to his right. Roman looked over the students in the busy shop again. Maybe he was late...? Roman quickly pushed down the thought that he was stood up. Virgil would never do that to him.

Virgil was still humming to himself, making the unavoidable glance up toward the door as a Giant walked in. The door was right there and Virgil just couldn't ignore the movement. He had sat himself down at the platform nearest the human pickup platform to impress Roman. Only slight regret, he lied to himself. So, as usual when a giant or a human came in, Virgil glanced over, went back to his sketchbook... And only then did a double take. "Wait what??" The humanspoke under his breath, feeling his heart skip a beat as he scanned the features of this giant... He couldn't believe his eyes... could it be him? No way. "...Ro?"

Roman jumped when he heard his nickname called to his right. He whipped around to where he heard it and locked eyes with a familiar face sitting at a human table. "...Virgil?" Roman crouched down, hooking a hand onto the side of the platform to keep his balance. His eyes widened as the miniscule, unmistakable features of his best friend came into focus,black eyeshadow and all. A blush dusted his cheeks, Gods Virgil was even more beautiful in person…

Virgil felt conflicting feelings wash over himself. His heart was skipping beats, and thank god for his foundation hiding the blush he felt forming on his face. But Virgil’s stomach was doing flips, and not just the usual kind for a crush. Roman was a giant. No wonder they'd never seen each other before, despite living on the same campus. Jesus... Virgil didn't move, just sitting there with his mouth slightly open and eyes wide with awe, pencil still in his hand but forgotten.

Roman got concerned when Virgil went silent. He hooked his hand behind Virgil’s chair supportively, "Are- are you alright Virgil?" Roman’s arched brows knit together. Oh no nono did he already screw up? Was Virgil scared of him? Was Virgil having regrets about meeting already??

Virgil's mind followed the hand that was now behind him, but his gaze didn't move from Roman's face "Er--" Virgil swallowed, looking to his sketchbook and closing it up, tucking it into his messenger bag. "Um.. Yeah. I'm good. I'm good." Virgil nodded, seeming to reassure himself more than Roman, slowly putting the bag over his shoulder and standing up. "So, uh.. I guess... To a table..?" The human gave a sheepish grin in a somewhat faulty attempt to hide the swirling emotions that his eyes still betrayed. Damnit Virge, Calm down!

Roman grinned, scooping up his friend into his palm without thinking and holding him close to his chest. He gazed over the cafe, "Any preference, Emo Nightmare?"

Virgil felt his voice catch in his throat as he suddenly found himself in the grip of a Giant-well, his best friend, but they'd never met in person before. "Uh--Wherever there's not people as close." As Virgil stared forward with wide eyes, he thanked fuck for his bangs making it hard to see them anyways. He'd always acted really confident about, well, everything in his calls with Roman. How had their sizes never come up? That was, like, an important thing???

A secluded high top bar style table in the corner caught Roman's eye and he made his way towards it. It was set up like a breakfast bar with a series of five stools, a smaller version with more stools was installed onto the surface; he went straight to the one furthest in the corner. Roman used his ankle to hook the leg of his chair and sat down, resting his hand on the countertop in front of him. Roman found he was once again cursing himself for being 6 foot 5; he had to hunch down to be more level with Virgil due to his height.

As Roman was distracted with the whole 'sitting down' ordeal, Virgil took a deep breath to calm his fluttering heart., Though the fact that he'd just been carried over with no effort at all by his best friend was... something. He got off Roman's hand, forcing himself to ignore how weak his legs felt as he stood there.

For once in his life, Romane found himself at a slight loss for words. Words kept slipping through his grasp. Roman went with "So, how's my handsome stormcloud?" and grinned down at Virgil.

"Uh--Surprised, I guess. But it’s Chill." It was not Chill.

"Me too, haha,I didn't expect all that sass to fit into a human body." Roman joked, playfully poking the emo's side. Once Virgil was safely standing he rested his arms on the table, propping his head up on an elbow and gazing down at Virgil. He tucked his left hand into a fist so Virgil couldn't see it shake. "I always pictured you as shorter than me but I hadn't considered this much. It's cute though, it fits you."

Virgil set his messenger bag down, but jumped out of his seat and turned up toward Roman as the giant spoke. "Hey!" Even the (probably too much) makeup Virgil had put on today couldn't entirely hide his flushing face, but he hoped that the foundation toned it down. Emphasis on hoped. "Yeah, n' I didn't expect ya' to be tall but I Wasn't gunna' make comments on it!" Why did you say that, Virgil? Now he's gonna think you're mad at him or something.

Roman narrowed his eyes and smirked. "Of course I'm gonna comment on it, you're adorable~" -What are you doing stop flirting you useless gay paperclip-"Why not comment on it? Besides, I expected you to sass me even if you weren't a giant.I'm obnoxiously tall even to my own species." Roman kicked back gesturing to his long, muscled torso.

Virgil snorted at that. Oh fuck he's ripped. "I am not adorable! You've seen me just fine from our cameras, and you know I work very hard on this look." Virgil gave a half-offended, half just playful look as he sat down with a quiet huff. Damnit Virge stop BLUSHING oh my God.

"I can tell." Roman winked. He looked up and glanced towards the coffee bar. "We should order, do you want me to order for you or would you like to come up?" He asked, with Virgil's social anxiety in mind.

Virgil hummed quietly, glancing toward the bar as well. He'd ordered earlier, and even then it had been a bit... terrifying. "I would appreciate it if you could, yeah." Virgil smiled softly. Roman might've been way taller than he was expecting, but ,well, at least Roman still acted the same.

"What would you like? My treat of course, I dragged you here after all," A charming smile painted Roman’s chiseled features, dimples shining as beautifully as his pearl teeth.

Oh fuck. He's hot. Virgil took a breath to calm himself down, hesitating a moment before speaking. "I think ah, hot chocolate with cinnamon sounds good." Virgil normally got coffee, but since he'd had the one while waiting, might as well get something sweeter.

Roman nodded, sliding off the bar seat and standing, not noticing how even with the higher table he still towered over Virgil. He pushed in the chair and made his way over to the counter.

Virgil felt his heart flutter as Roman stood, watching as he walked to order with wide eyes. He quickly shook himself, lightly hitting his cheeks a few times.

The barista with a name tag reading Camden greeted Roman with a friendly smile. "What can I get for you?"

"Two large hot chocolates with cinnamon, one human and one giant." Roman returned the smile; it noticeably was absent of the flirtatious warmth it held with Virgil on the receiving end.

Camden pressed a few buttons on the register. "Nine dollars, name?"

"Roman." Roman handed over the exact change and was informed brightly the order would be right up. He waited anxiously for the hot chocolate to be ready, he didn't like leaving Virgil alone for so long. He should've insisted on him at least coming along.

As the seconds ticked by, Virgil felt himself growing a bit more anxious, being alone in the middle of a giant's table. Back at the human tables with Giants walking through it was admittedly more bearable, but this... wasn't quite as manageable. Virgil bounced his leg anxiously, eyes fixed on Roman and praying the drinks would just get done already so that Roman would come back again.

The cafe was fairly packed and a small group of what looked like juniors and seniors came in scanning for a table like vultures. By that time, several of the tables were filled.

Virgil's eyes snapped to the group as they approached. Please go to another table please go--ugh. They walked straight up to the table Virgil occupied and the leader with red hair planted his hands on either side of the human, purposefully looming over and creating a shadow by blocking the rustic exposed bulb above. "These seats taken?" He asked, no intent to care in his voice. An ugly sneer crept over his triangular face.

Virgil took a breath, putting on a brave face. His heart was racing, and he was absolutely terrified to look up at the Giant, but the human wasn't going to let him know that. But he locked his jaw leaned back. "Yes, actually. You'll have to sit somewhere else."

...

A/N: Run.

Thank you to the wonderful R who tolerates my trash mammal mind and co wrote this with me. And of course the lovely @hiddendreamer67 for doing some amazing beta reading!

Tag list in reblog, please ask to be added/removed in a comment or reblog

225 notes · View notes

kashif1550 · 5 years ago

Text

Post 1 - Multicultural America

1.What is the subject of your film, program, or internet/social media selection? Provide a brief summary, describing your selection and how it relates to our course topics, readings, and screenings.

For the first post, I picked the movie District 9. District 9 is 2009 Sci-Fic action movie that is set in South Africa. The story starts off with a UFO, filled with aliens inside, touching base in a major city in South Africa.

Naturally, the entire world does not react well to the new arrivals. However, as the movie progresses, it becomes obvious that the aliens are a metaphor for a marginalized race. The location for the film couldn’t have been perfect enough, given the history of South Africa. Apartheid ended in 1994, a mere fifteen years before the start of this movie. It was not that long ago where segregation was a reality for South Africans.

The reality for the aliens in the movie is not a far cry from the discrimination the South African government expelled on to their own citizens. Aliens aren’t allowed to enter certain areas, aren’t allowed to have intercourse with humans, aren’t allowed to eat in the same locations, and many other inhuman restrictions as well.

The movie tries to end on a positive note, showing us there is a way for oppressors to understand the oppressed. Unfortunately, it was only because a human was mutating into an alien and subjected to the same discrimination.

In a dark, pessimistic way, it is saying that perhaps we cannot see the true harm in the unfair power dynamic unless we’re no longer benefiting from it. It shows how things won’t change until those with the privilege step up and decide to dismantle the system they gain from.

Comparing this movie to something from my reading, I would have to connect it to the Jim Crow laws in the United States. African Americans were faced with harsh treatment at every front. Obtaining a job was difficult, dating a white person could lead to being lynched and legal troubles, and the creation of a mixed-race child was a crime.

Both the movie and the harsh factors of segregation show that the reason for their hatred, for their inhuman actions, and unjustifiable behavior came from ignorance. False narratives and stereotypes were used to justify the nature of the oppressive system they created, thinking that would bring order in their world. In the end, it only caused disorder until justice was served.

2. Referring to related and appropriate readings and screenings from the course, describe how your selection represents racial and ethnic identities (and if applicable, intersectionality). In what ways does your selection for each of the journal entries generate a conversation regarding race, ethnicity, and cultural diversity?

For the movie I picked, you can see how it relates to racial and ethnic identities through the science fiction element of aliens. In their world, the grievances usually associated to immigrants and minorities is pigeonholed into one singular group: the new extraterrestrial life form. They are written off as violent, lazy, rampant in childbirth, and destructive in nature. The humans question their intelligence often, though ironically want the high-tech guns the aliens have brought along with them.

The way newcomers, arriving to the United States, have been treated throughout history has shown that it isn’t always pleasant. For Chinese immigrants, many faced push backs from gold miners, essentially forcing them into the laundry market because of the over taxation placed on the mines. A more comparable experience would be with indigenous people consider, for most of the plot of the movie, the South African government is trying to relocate the aliens to a new reservation. Similar to that outcome, Native Americans were also uprooted from their land and told to move to another plot of land. In the movie, the South Africans do not believe they can live in the same area as the aliens. And for President Andrew Jackson, he felt the exact same way about Native Americans.

“In Jackson’s view, Indians could not survive living within white society […] Drive by ‘feeling of justice,’ Jackson declared that he wanted ‘to preserve this much-injured race.’ He proposed a solution—the setting aside of a strict west of the Mississippi ‘to be guaranteed to the Indian tribes as long as they shall occupy it.” (Pg 81, Takaki)

Andrew Jackson saw the relocation as essential for Native Americans for them to intergrade into American culture. He offered land for the Natives to farm on, believing that somehow that would encourage them to opt to a farming lifestyle like white settlers. What Andrew Jackson and the South Africans in this movie both struggle to grasp is this: consent.

No one asked Native Americans if they wanted to be uprooted from their homes and forced on to reservations. And same for those aliens, they were not given any say on their relocation. When it comes to the opinions of minorities and other marginalized groups, it’s common to see the trend of dehumanization and removing the ability of choice.

When you strip a human from the ability to make choices on their own and use their voice, then do you even see them as an equal at all? No, of course not. People you make choices for are children, meaning that was what they saw in these individuals. They saw them as incapable, but not because they actually were, but because of ignorance and racism. For the movie, specism.

3.How does your selection relate to the course readings, screenings and discussions? Reflect upon the representation and circulation of racial and ethnic identities in popular visual culture. Your reflections should be attentive to the intersectionalities of race, ethnicity, sexuality, religion, socioeconomic class and gender.

As I have stated above, the movie District 9 connects to Jim Crow laws, segregation, and Native American removal. Aliens were limited from participating in activities humans were allowed to and prevented from prospering. They were negatively depicted in the media and rarely shown in a positive light. Media, as history has shown us, plays a vital role in perception.

In the earlier stages of Hollywood, the depiction of minorities was played by white actors, making a mockery of the ethnic group they were portraying. Due to years of boxing people of color into outrageous caricatures, it has left a lasting impression in media—even to this day. Some may brush off media as a fleeting set of pictures, unable to capture and captivate our lives, but one should not be so dismissive of the images that come their way.

“People who have never interacted with a black family in their communities more easily embrace what the media tells them. […] In worst case scenarios, black boys and men actually internalize biases and stereotypes and, through their behavior, reinforce and even perpetuate the misrepresentations. They become victims of perception.” (Donaldson, The Guardian)

Naturally, since we were children, we internalize the images we see. There’s a great deal of impact on the content we consume. Because of redlining, it has made communities just as closed off to diversity as they were before. To this day, someone could live their life not truly being friends with someone from a particular ethnic or racial background. What exactly will that person think of said individual if all they have to learn about them are bad depictions from movies? The result is detrimental. That is why representation of all groups, races, religions should be embraced. When you show a narrow view on something, you are only hurting the viewers in the long run.

For me, speaking as a Muslim, it’s surprises me how often people misrepresent my faith. It’s even more upsetting at how closely connected my own religion is to those who try to dismantle its existence. I have lost count of the amount of times I’ve heard my friends get shocked that I believe in Jesus, Abraham, and the same biblical stories they heard of growing up. The thing is, if they would only open their eyes and not accept the first negative thing they heard about us, then maybe they could see more similarities than differences. In the end, that is what everyone in a marginalized group hope for—acceptance and inclusion.

Sources:

Page 81, Takaki

A Different Mirror: A History of Multicultural America

Takaki, Ronald

The Guardian

Donaldson, Leigh

Title: When the media misrepresents black men, the effects are felt in the real world (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/aug/12/media-misrepresents-black-men-effects-felt-real-world)

2 notes · View notes

sebbytrash · 6 years ago

Text

Somewhere That’s Ours

Summary - Having two super soldiers in love with you was pretty awesome, except when you had to share a normal sized bed with them. Steve has a solution.

Pairing - Stucky x Reader

Warnings - Polyamorous relationship. Overwhelming fluffiness.

A/N - A little fluffy thing for Fluff Bingo. Now, fluff isn’t my strongest suit so please be gentle. This was a teensy bit self indulgent, I admit.

Square Filled - Moving in together (1,650 wrds.) @marvelfluffbingo

The early morning light pokes through the gap in the curtains, a soft, warm glow radiating over Bucky's face and shoulders, casting shadows to highlight that jawline and you can’t help but run a fingertip along it.

Bucky smiles in his sleep and you ache with the privilege that you put it there, that you get to put it there every single day. He tucks in towards your fingers so you spread your hand so your cupping his face, the scratch of his stubble on your palm sends you right back to last night when it was scratching other parts of you, all parts of you. In your peripheral vision, you watch a hand snake over Buckys waist, a thick forearm resting against the lines of muscle on Buckys stomach makes your own do a little flip.

You’ll never get used to it, you think, the sight of them together, that you get to have them both curled around you each night, that you get to witness their eyes as they look at each other with such raw emotion and then the joy that they can be so open, so free. Yeah, you’ll never get used to it.

Steve’s fingers blindly reach for you, find purchase on your hip and urge you closer to him, to them both. The earlier ache takes on a new tone at his touch and by the way his fingers are moving in slow deliberate circles, you think he’s probably feeling the same.

Bucky wakes to your lips pressed along his jaw and Steve pressed up behind him, it's his favorite way to wake up.

Later, after a few more hours of rest, you wake to Bucky’s heavy arm draped across you, Steve's fingers tangled in your hair and across your forehead as they peek out from under Bucky’s head. It’s lovely to wake up with them, of course it is, but honestly, sometimes you need like 3 cm’s more space in this bed. These two lugs take up at least 95% of it and even then, you have to have various limbs as a blanket and it’s already hard enough sleeping next to two giant furnaces.

You carefully peel back Bucky’s arm and huff out a few quick breaths at the space. Steve peeks over Bucky to find you, “You okay?”

You smile, cast him a sheepish glance and shrug, “Just trying to get a little space in this bed.”

Steve smile matches yours, the smile of knowing it’s a pretty great problem to have, “C’mon, lets get dressed. I have something to show you.”

“Front seat?” Bucky asks, holding the door of his car for you with that soft smile of his.

“Aren’t you gonna…” You ask, because Steve’s already claimed the driver's seat, his fingers flexing impatiently on the wheel as he waits for you.

“Nah, I’m good in the back.” He says, and then adds a little quieter, “Besides, my girl should be front and centre.”

My girl. He says it like its no big deal and your heart thumps like its trying to personally tell him it is. You lean over and kiss him, a soft peck but with enough feeling that he knows. When you climb in beside Steve he’s looking at you with that quiet wonder that you know mirrors yours.

“So, where are we going?”

“You’ll see soon enough.”

“I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with...S.” Bucky says, looking out his window as he does.

“Seatbelt.” You guess, enjoying the distraction from the anticipation from whatever Steve has up his sleeve.

“Nope.”

“Sky?”

“Nope.” He pops that last P.

“Uh...shoe?”

“Guess again.”

“I ran out of S-es.”

“Really, Doll?” He deadpans, clearly there’s something you’re missing here.

“Really, Buck.” You deadpan right back.

“It’s me.” Steve laughs, forcing your eyes back to him and that little jolt again.

“You?”

“Steve, Doll.”

“Shit. Ha! Steve, of course it’s Steve.”

“Our Steve.” Bucky’s hands snake over the seat and down over Steve’s shoulders, press a little harder into the spaces below his collarbones.

“Mmmm…” You agree, lean a little and run a hand up his thigh, dragging your thumb over the outside seams, “Our Steve.”

“Jesus, you two will be the death of me.” Steve airms for exasperated but his tone falls short somewhere between the heat and the heart of it.

The car slows a little and it makes you sit up and take notice, watch in wonder as Steve takes a road you hadn’t even noticed was there. The path itself lined with huge oak trees that reach out and touch each other, creating a light splattered arch in the sky that curls the sunlight across it. About 300 yards up, Steve rolls to a stop at a gate, takes out his cell and presses it a few times and the gate opens.

“Fancy.” You say, because you can’t help yourself.

“Tony.” He replies, by way of explanation.

You roll around a bend and find yourself in front of a house. The huge windows grab your attention, the frame of it all grasps at that side of you that appreciates a work of art. The clear intention of this architect seeps out of every pore in the house standing before you, makes you feel welcome before you even cross the threshold.

“Wow, Steve. Who owns this place?” You half whisper, itching to see more of it.

“You.”

“What?” Did he just…?

“You own it, if you want, that is.”

“I don’t understand.”

“We thought that maybe, maybe we could get somewhere for us. The three of us. Somewhere that's ours.”

“Steve…” You begin, not really sure what your trying to say as your heart grows three sizes in your chest.

“There’s no pressure, doll. If your happy where we are in the compound then we are, too.” He takes your hand and presses your knuckles against his lips, “This can be our holiday home.”

You take a beat to process it, look again at the house in front of you and then back to the small, hopeful faces in front of you. The warmth from your soul leaks out over your skin, draws the blood away from your fingertips till they tingle. In awe at the pure contentedness you didn’t know was waiting for you down that unassuming road.

“Baby… of course I wanna live here with you, with both of you.” The sight of twin shoulders sagging in relief lights up that part of you that will always marvel at why these two hearts want yours.

Steve leans forward and presses his mouth to yours, lingers over your bottom lip and draws out a quiet moan from you, pulls back only to be replaced with Bucky, his kiss a little sharper, the edge to Steves rolling calm, the comparison and the knowing that you love that contrast.

“Ready to see it?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Tony.”

“Oh my god, Bucky. We don’t need a TV that size.”

“Don’t look at me, I wasn’t in charge of Tech.”

“Oh, so what were you in charge of?”

“Let me show you.”

He leads you to the back room, the sun shines bright through the floor to ceiling windows so much that you can’t tell much other than shapes and vague space. It’s only once he pulls you right into the other side that you truly see what it is he’s showing you, get an eyeful of what must have been a custom build because, damn.

A reading nook.

Although, a nook it is not, since its fucking huge but still, your sappy, bookwork heart roars inside your chest in pure delight, lets itself be known through every single vein in your body because it might be the best thing anyone's ever done for you, second only to the house it’s built within. The temptation is too great, you race towards it and flop onto the cushions, squeal in barely contained glee at the thought or curling up with a good book, legs draped over Bucky as you lean back against Steve. Oh yeah, that’s a good one right there, you save that down for later use.

“Bucky...you built this?”

“All for you, babe.”

“Bucky, I love you, you know that. Right?.”

“I love you too, doll.”

“So, you like it then?” Steve asks, rounding the corner and into the room, his smile fits easily onto his face, long forgotten days since he had to force those muscles to do what comes so natural now, so permanent.

“I love it.” You insist, sit up and wrap and hand around his wrist, pressing your lips against the inside and letting him slip his fingers up and around your jaw, “I love you.”

“You haven’t even seen the best bit yet.” He laughs, when your head snaps up to him, clear wonder on your face at what could possibly be better than all you had seen so far.

“Oh. Oh, wow. Oh, ok, ok” You nod, eyes fixed on the massive bed before you, “Yeah, this is for sure the best bit.”

“Plenty of space for all three of us, I know we can sometimes be a little...overbearing.” Steve says to you and you think back to that morning, wondering how long he’s noticed the small things that you never say. Jesus, this guy.

“Plenty of space is right. It’s perfect.” You walk forward till your legs press against the mattress, look down at Steve with all that love on your face, “Thank you, for all of this.”

Bucky lies on the left, Steve on the right, both insisting they demonstrate the sheer amount of space you’ll have when you want it, doing nothing at all the tame the heat in their eyes as they do. Bucky pats at the space between them, linking his fingers with Steves, “You wanna try it out?”

“Fuck, yeah.”

FOREVERS: @manawhaat @theashhole @captainrogerss @a-little-hell-to-raise @peculiar-persephone @captain-rogers-beard @chrisevansnco @howlingbarnes @poealsobucky @samingtonwilson @vintagevalentinexx @abovethesmokestacks @imhereforbvcky @avengerofyourheart @anakin-skywalkers @carriefish-er @stormy-thomas @danijimenezv @until-theend-oftheline @lancefvcker @odinhson @betheboo55 @palaiasaurus64 @raxacoricofallapatoriuspotter @johnmurphys-sass @katbird787 @stephie-senpai @sexyvixen7 @jobean12-blog @justreadingfics @justareader @smoothdogsgirl @theliarone @aikibriarrose @timeladylaurel @badassbaker @earinafae @crushed-pink-petals @tardis-is-mine @httpmcrvel @bucky2-0 @mocking-rain @sociallyimpairedme @jezzula @bless-my-demons @ign-is @indominusregina @-supernatural-coffee-llama @alwayshave-faith @itsonlysarah @superwholocknda @shifutheshihtzu @mizzzpink @yknott81 @haven-in-writing @xtina2191 @reniescarlett @simplyme8308 @notsoprettykitty @tinaferraldo @wickedwerewolf @ayeputita @tori-medusa-belongs-to-bucky @tatalopes23 @pineapplebooboo @mizzezm @thefridgeismybestie @memory-of-a-goldfish @supernatural-girl97 @anyakinamidala @ayeputita @standing-onthe-edge @ruinerofcheese @rosescentedblood @mysweetcookie99 @hamartohierophobia

#kale writes #somewhere thats ours #stucky x reader #steve x bucky x reader #poly fic #stucky #steve x bucky

1K notes · View notes

sailorbryant · 6 years ago

Text

HANKCON: Fic Recommendations

I started creating a bunch of recs to send to a friend and ended up just making a whole thing. I know I’ve forgotten multiple stories so will probably update over and over again. Let me know if you notice any broken links or errors!

❥ New Stories Added - 12/22/2018

INSTRUCTIONS NOT INCLUDED by Vinci

Summary: Logically, Connor should have noticed something was different after the moment of his deviancy after he consciously chose not to shoot Markus, but he truly didn’t notice it until months later, as he watched, in absolute interest, as Hank typed something on his computer across from him at his desk.

Or: In which Connor simultaneously experiences an emotional and sexual awakening in the wake of his deviancy and handles it in the best way he can. By not telling anyone. Post-Peaceful Ending. Eden Club undercover. Probably my favorite Hankcon fic out there.

PHOLCIADE by farouche

Summary: After Markus obtains equal rights for all Androids, Cyberlife is pressured to release all the prototype androids deemed unready for public use before the Revolution. In a diplomatic effort, Cyberlife offers all prototypes a chance of a paid job in the sector they were intended to work in or otherwise, in order to not waste the money gone into programming their specific skillsets. Among them is Connor, an RK Prototype, who is offered a training period at the Detroit Police Department under the condition that he reports his progress via email to the man assigned to be his mentor. A man that Connor has never met, who will never reply, and who will remain anonymous for the duration of his training; bar the pseudonym "Lt. H."

A man that, having only ever seen his shadow in a hallway, Connor affectionally names after the Pholcidae spider, more commonly known as Daddy Long Legs.Lieutenant Hank Anderson just wanted to get Fowler off his ass and deal with this mentoring crap as quickly and easily as possible. Instead, he has to deal with an android calling him "Daddy" in every email he sends. It's not what he wanted or expected, but it somehow ends well. DaddyLongLegsAu. Fantastic.

RE:DECONSTRUCT by Masu_Trout

Summary: The androids are free, but even the most peaceful of revolutions comes with a world of changes. Markus has an offer to make. Connor's starting to get used to this whole deviancy thing. And Hank—well, Hank just might be falling for his best friend. Thirium Pump Handjobs.

HALYCON by Terminallydepraved

Summary: Hank gave in to the urge to bury his face in his hands. This was just… Fuck, he was too innocent looking. Those wide eyes, the soft looking lips. He stared at Hank like he hung the sun and stars, and here Hank was, projecting. Again.

Something brushed his shoulder and Hank couldn’t help but jump. He flinched away and moved his hands, but it was just Connor. It was always just Connor, standing a little too close, probing when Hank was at his worst. Standing at his side with worry in his eyes, staring up at him, and… Fuck.

He was too old for this. He was too old and broken and fucked up to deserve this, but Connor made it too easy to want it anyway. Must Read.

INTERRUPT REQUEST AU(IRQ) by rara avis

Summary: Hank does indeed get drunker. Connor takes him home and stays the night. They find out exactly what it is Hank wants Connor to be, and what Connor wants in general.

Starts between "The Bridge" and "Public Enemy" and follows their storyline until the end of the game. One of my favorites. Perfect smut. Perfect use of graphics and machine code.

SINGULARITY SERIES by Driverpicksthemooseic

Summary: "Hank," Connor starts. Not Lieutenant, just Hank. Hank gives him a baffled stare. "This is the only method with a high probability of success, so please go along with it."

(OR, Hank and Connor go undercover at the Eden Club.) The fake/pretend relationship/undercover at Eden Club story that you gotta read.

WITHIN SERIES by whitachi

Summary: Connor has some wires out of place, and Hank helps to fix them. THE Wireplay fic.

THE OTHER WAY TO SOMEDAY by theslap

Summary: Cole's teacher is annoying. He's also attractive. For Hank Anderson, that's a bad combination. NonAndroid!AU.

MAKE ME FORGET THAT I’M NOT READY FOR LOVE by Warmybones

Summary: “Stay like this, if you want,” Hank whispers against his earlobe, fingers caressing down his navel with deadly intent. “Or punch me across the face if you don’t.” Adorable little get together story. Post Peaceful ending.

THE GAY AND WONDROUS LIFE OF CONNOR ANDERSON by LieutenantWubs

Summary: Connor wants to get a new upgrade, but doesn't want Hank to know what it is until he is comfortable with it. Adorable

TERMS AND CONDITIONS by esama

Summary: 1. Go out into the world 2. Figure out who you are. 3. Live a little.”

Post-Peaceful Ending. Very angsty little piece but such a fantastic example of world-building in the post peaceful Detroit. And the pining is delicious.

IRREFUTABLY SEDUCED by gumpekulla

Summary: He needs to get this ridiculous crush under control before Hank finally decided to confront him about it. It would be mortifying.

(Things doesn't really go to plan, but Connor really can't complain.) Reverse!Au. Smutty Smut.

ARRIVAL by coffee666

Summary: Hank just wanted help around the house for Cole. He never expected such a goofy thing that laughed and hummed and protected Cole with all of his being. Connor is not like other androids --but neither of them truly know how deep those differences go. HouseAndroidConnorAU!

WANTING HIM by Miko

Summary: Connor is convinced that sexual intercourse would be of great benefit to Hank's physical and emotional well-being, but the man is highly resistant to the idea. Hank's objections are not unreasonable, but there is one simple solution that will address all of the issues - Hank should have sex with Connor.

The last thing Connor expects when making the suggestion is for his partner to be upset and offended by the idea of 'using' him. Hank claims he won't do it because Connor doesn't 'want' it, but Connor is the one who offered in the first place.

What's the difference between 'willing' and 'wanting'? Connor needs to do some investigating.. Lovely.

RECEPTIONS AND REVELATIONS by Terminallydepraved

Summary: Hank is forced to attend an awards ceremony where the attire is black tie and stifling. Connor attempts to make it bearable, but that comes with a few surprises of its own along the way. Side Rk900/Gavin. Smut.

AGAINST A COCK AND A HARD PLACE by Svynakee

Summary: His mission had been clear: get the deviant leader in his sights and snipe it to end the revolution. But it'd all gone wrong.

Connor could feel the firm muscles of Hank’s thighs clenching down on his thin waist – tense enough to be ready for any attempt to escape, yet effortless, with the clear indication that he could remain like this for a long time if needed. His blue eyes were as sharp as ice, as hard, as cold.

Connor was trapped. He hadn’t seen it coming, hadn’t expected this outcome. And it was thrilling.Dark!Smut. A different take on the rooftop scene. Fantastic read.

PLAYING FOR KEEPS by Dana

Summary: 'Well, it does have the best fucking biscuits.' Hank lets out another soft sigh. He'd probably sell his soul for an endless supply of those biscuits, Jesus, he's salivating already. 'Alright, alright. But just so you know, I'm doing this for the biscuits.'

Connor grins, and laughs, then presses a kiss to Hank's cheek. 'Okay. Do it for the biscuits.' So that was kind of a lie, and Hank knows Connor can tell, but it's not like Hank really cares. The Hank/Connor/Gavin/RK900 foursome you didn’t know that you needed in your life.

DEMONS & DOMESTICITY SERIES by ProneToRelapse

Summary: Hank makes a deal. His immortal soul for the life of his son. It isn't his soul the demon wants. Demon AU. Hank teaches Demon Connor to feel. Smut is 10/10.

THE KNIGHT AND THE SCARECROW by Mura

Summary: A fairy tale Hankcon AU. Shrek AU sorta. Very cute and fluffy.

THE ENTIRE MEMORY OF YOU by fantastic

Summary: It was as he sat drinking his morning coffee that the slow grinding of those pieces falling into place sent a course of comprehension through his body: the tightening of his chest, the heat in the tips of his fingers, a simple message splayed behind his eyes as he looked across the table.

Connor was in love with him.. Breathtakingly Beautiful Angst. WIP.

YOU HAVEN’T GAINED A DAY by Synekdokee

Summary: The picture attached is uncanny. In his uniform, Connor looks different from the flirty little twink climbing all over Hank’s lap in a taxi ten years ago, and he’s certainly filled up a little, face a little less angular and more masculine now. Hank remembers those earnest brown eyes and those pink lips a little too well though. Even the fucking cowlick is still there.

And then Hank’s stomach rolls over when his brain truly catches up with what he just read - DOB August 1990.

University my ass, Hank thinks weakly. Modern Detectives AU. No android AU. WIP

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS by MorganOfTheFey

Summary: Connor has a three-year seduction plan to make Hank love him back, and it starts with getting the lieutenant into his bed. Co-sleeping is scientifically proven to be beneficial to humans, and proximity is the number one factor in relationships forming. But when Connor starts having dreams thanks to the new updates he's beta-testing, it all gets a lot more complicated. And then one little-wet dream speeds up his three-year timeline dramatically ... Post-Peaceful Ending. Slow Burn Done Right.

FAULTED CODE Series by ProneToRelapse

Summary: "What I'd really like to know," Fowler says slowly, disapproving gaze fixed on Connor while Hank wheezes and tries to smother his laughter, "is why Detective Reed has submitted a formal complaint against you saying you threatened him."

"No threats were made, Captain," Connor says evenly, calm despite the scowl Reed is levelling at him from the other side of the office. "I know better than to antagonise someone so deeply mired in anti-android stigma."

"Then please explain to me why I'm dealing with, and I quote, "that fake plastic detective aggressively T-Posing at me in the bathroom"."

Hank loses his battle against professionalism, laughing so hard he nearly falls out of his chair."I was asserting my dominance," Connor says simply.

Connor is adjusting. Hank helps, in his own way. Slowburn. Excessive Memeing. Hank/North Bromance to end all Bromances. Intrigue. Do not skip. WIP.

WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE Series by SpicyReyes

Summary: After Connor and Hank reunite at ChickenFeed, they start taking the first steps toward the rest of their life. Slowburn. WIP.

EIGHTEEN WHEELS ON AN UPHILL CLIMB by blackeyedblonde

Summary: “Can I give you a ride into town, at least?” he calls out. “You’re sure you haven’t got folks anywhere around here—somebody who can look after you for a week or two?”

Connor laughs outright at that and figures he’s got nothing to lose in telling the truth. “Not unless you want to drive the 800 miles to Detroit.”

Hank’s mouth falls open as he physically leans into the word. “Detroit? No shit.”

“What?” Connor blurts out, puzzling over the other man’s expression from a distance. “That’s where my family is—well, the closest thing I have left to family, anyway.”

Hank’s face only splits into a wide grin and he barks out a laugh, the first real one Connor’s heard all night. “You’re in luck, kid,” he says, shaking his head in disbelief as he looks off into the rising daybreak behind Connor. “Seems like we’re both headed in the same direction.” The Trucker!AU you didn’t know you needed in your life. WIP.

A TOURIST IN A DREAM by Octobig

Summary: Hank has stopped thinking about his place in the world for a long time. Old, washed-up cops don’t live exciting lives. He just does what he always does: cracks cases drinks whiskey and goes home to Sumo.

But then the android sent by CyberLife shows up – disarmingly curious, intentionally uprooting all the familiar aspects of Hank’s life, and he jumps headfirst into an android revolution. Barrels into cases like an unstoppable storm.

Halfway through, Hank realizes he’s no longer at the sidelines of his life.

And that Connor makes it better. All of it.

[Or alternatively: an episodic glimpse into the life of Hank Anderson and his partner Connor. Takes place after the revolution, happy ending included.] Absolutely Breathtaking. WIP, but please read.

SPECIAL SHOUT OUT to @fishfingersandscarves . I followed her over from the Hobbit fandom and her art is fantastic, and following her is how I found out about the majority of these fics. Give her a follow and lots of love.

and another very special shoutout for @carriemebags who this list was made for. There are no words to describe how happy I am that she’s followed me down into this hell pit with these two lovely boys, and I can’t wait until you guys get to start seeing her art cause it is fantastic. <3

#dbh #hankcon #hank connor #recs #hannor

293 notes · View notes

dope-squish · 6 years ago

Text

Programmed And Damned [ RK800 Connor X Reader ] [ Detroit: Become Human ] - Chapter Two - Software Instability

[ We thankfully reached our goal two days earlier than the deadline so good job everyone ] [ Goal - 80 Hearts/Reblogs ] [ GOAL REACHED - CHAPTER THREE POSTED ]

[ Comments are extremely appreciated so please do comment. it makes authors feel great, i promise. it boosts our confidence ]

[ Please press the heart button, the reblog button and share this fanfic to anyone and anywhere, this way, we'll more likely reach our goal ]

[ This chapter is dedicated to

@nickangel13 thank you so much for your sweet comment. I appreciate it so much

@mysticmaehem thank you for commenting! I'm so glad you liked it!

@timelizzy21 thank you for reading! I will try to keep this fanfic as interesting as possible :D

@angsty-otters-blog omg your comment makes my day O///O

@connorshero this is dedicated to this amazing writer because she's one of my favorite fanfic writers and she deserves the best ouo ][ Also I will be regarding to Connor as he/him because it's quite efficient and calling him "it" throughout the whole story until he deviates is just ... i dunno ]

"What do you have to say about my new appearance, lieutenant?"

Hank heaved out an exasperated and exaggerated sigh, murmured an incoherent complain under his breath and gradually whipped his head around to see whatever the reason Connor was trying to gain his attention only to produce a loud disturbed yelp upon sighting Connor sporting a white oversized shirt imprinted with a tacky logo of some form of anarchy, unbuckled and ripped pants dangerously dipping down from his pelvis, blinding blings encrusted with fake diamonds and of course, the black and white bandana enveloped around his lower face. Hank took a step back away from the prototype, examining him from head to toe. "Jesus, what the fuck are you wearing?" Hank questioned in disdain, disturbed by what he was seeing. No amount of bleach and brainwashing session can erase this nightmare he was seeing. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Connor was quick to sense this negativity coming from Hank and in order to enlighten him and make an understanding, he answered in an explanation, pulling down his bandana that covered his nose and mouth. "I have thoroughly researched about the participants in these Underground Android Clashes. I learned that most people in there are with multiple criminal records and are considered to be intimidating. The best way to blend in with them and avoid increase of suspicion is to look as intimidating as they are. Hence, after downloading data about intimidation tactics from several trusted websites, I concluded wearing a gangster attire would do it."

"Do you even know what the hell a gangster is?"

"Of course I do. Gangster, a member of an organized group of violent criminals. Gangsters are also a common and popular - though not to an extent as bad boys - trope for authors to use in writing a story." Connor replied. "Do not worry. This will only be a temporary disguise until our investigation in the Clash is over. I don't have any intention to keep this up after. Unless you would rather me in this outfit."

Hank vigorously shook his head in denial. "Hell no! No fucking way am I going in there with you looking like disaster on foot."

Connor tilted his head mildly, pupils dilating out of curiosity. "Then what do you suggest I do? Arriving simply in my uniform will give away our identities in an immediate."

"Just . . . Just wear that shit you always wear but just remove the blazer. Maybe tussle your a little bit and lessen being such a pain in the ass? I don't know. Don't ask anymore stupid questions."

Connor's brows knitted together as he slowly put the puzzle pieces together and formed a correct inquiry. "Are my new clothes making you uncomfortable, liuetenant?"

Hank averted his eyes from Connor's burning stare. If android eyes were upgraded with laser beams, Hank would certainly drop dead with a pair of scorching holes on the back of his head. "They're making my eyes cry blood now get a move on before I change my mind about this case."

Connor is completely aware of Hank's growing disturbance to the sight his newly acquired clothing. Desiring to get in Hank's good side for better communication and work related partnership, he should be doing as told without question and tinge of reluctance but seeing as he was required by CyberLife to attain good and harmonious relation with him, he finds that forming this odd human concept called friendship was a good approach to his side objective. But befriending this spitfire of a man was a lot difficult and was taking unnecessarily longer than what his software is frequently used to. How could he get Hank Anderson - who has a strong and unfaltering hatred for androids - on his good side and havethe mission accomplished in an even more efficient manner? Connor paused for a brief moment to study everything, disregarding the confusion settling itself on Hank's facial expression as he browsed through the internet - how to be friends with a grumpy old man who works for the police force and hates you with all his might? (being specific is mandatory for he needed specific solution). In one website, it says that initiating bantering is a good start to make friends. If said answer is correct, then Hank wouldn't mind.

Connor flashed him what he hoped Hank would consider friendly and inviting, the corners of his lips curving upwards almost painfully. He wore only a light and nearly nonexistent smile but not being used to smiling, his lips cannot accomodate well and he struggled maintaining it. "But lieutenant, I don't see any blood coming out of your eyes."

His pitiful attempt and idea of joking was a little off - most probably completely - and this was his first attempt to do so that it almost made Hank to consider faking his fit of laughter just so Connor wouldn't feel bad.

Who was Hank kidding? Why would Connor feel anything at all? He was an android and it was a known fact that androids don't feel emotions. How pitiful.

"I'm in a neutral mood right now. Don't fuck this up for me." Informed Hank, his stern gaze directed to Connor.

Connor was not at all astonished by Hank's displeasing response to his banter. From the very beginning as he was conjuring up his plan, the probability of his success was lower than five percent but he thought it wouldn't hurt (not like anything will) to try. With an obedient nod, Connor quipped, "I'll go get changed."

***

After briefly dropping by Cherry Downtown Bar (courtesy of Hank stubbornly refusing to make any sort of progress in their investigation without consuming an alarming amount of liquor to keep him up and going), prototype RK800 Connor and lieutenant Hank Anderson presently stood right before an abandoned candy factory where broken window, neglected equipments and several layers of dust collected in the years were the only things visible in any entities' vision. Aforementioned factory was formerly used to make sweets such as lollipops, gumballs and bubblegums but upon being rat out by one of its own concerned and guilt ridden employee that they have been secretly slipping in red ice in certain candies for notorious drug dealing syndicates from all over the world, they were immediately shut down and the manufacturers, along with their partners in business, were put on custody and were to remain behind bars for thirty years.

Connor cautiously surveys the area with his enhances pupils and his brows connected with one another, perfectly mirroring an arch. "Lieutenant," Connor calls out as Hank advance forward to the metal door undoubtedly leading to the location of the arena. "I have a bad . . ." At this, Connor trailed off in uncertainty as he ponders over a better substitute rather than typically using the term feeling. ". . . suspicion about this Clash.

Hank scoffed at his spoken words, eyes flickering away from the door and to the android detective. "Are you chickening out now?" He bellows. "I postponed my drinking for this shit."

Connor shakes his head in a vigorous manner, the stray lock of hair over his forehead bobbing along with his motion. "No, I am not chickening out, as you say. I am merely expressing my concern for this case we're investigating."

Hank nodded absently as he lifted his right fist up in the air and rapped his knucles on the metal door a few times. Connor stood awkwardly behind him like an obedient android rookie some deemed as, spine perfectly straight and hands behind his back, his coin effortlessly and smoothly rolling on his fingers. It didn't take long before a perfectly proportioned male - roughly around the age of late twenties - slide the door to the side in the slightest bit, only revealing to them half of his eccentric tattoed face and partly shaved head on the left.

[ Name - Lucas Gray

Age - 27

Criminal Record/s - Drug abuse ]

Lucas snarled at the sight of the old man and his android, irritation etching on his face. "Move your ass, you have no business here."

Lucas Gray motioned to shut the door right before them but Hank - regardless of his old age - reacted swiftly. Just as their only passage inside was to close, Hank wedged his foot within the gap, efficiently disabling Lucas to do as he earlier pleased. Said male glowered at Hank, the annoyance glossing over his eyes intensifying. "Damn right I have some business here." And with that, Hank pointed behind him - right at Connor whose look could only be described as perplexed - with the use of his thumb. "I have some fresh blue blood here."

Lucas momentarily paused his movements to examine the both of them and from his calculations and the way the man was knitting his eyebrows together, Connor knew he was to let them in sooner or later. Not that Lucas trusted them - no, no - but because of what Hank had stated earlier. From the acquired information about these Clashes two years ago, mentioning blue blood to the bouncer is basically the password to enter the abandoned factory and to the Clashes. One would think the people behind the construction of Underground Android Clashes would be brilliant enough to alter the password every now and then to secure their secret, but then again, who had time to change passwords when all people really want was to watch androids tear their own species?

Producing a disgruntled grunt, Lucas retreated a few steps back in order to pull the door wider to give them a way to enter. Heeding no instruction, Connor automatically followed Hank's footsteps, politely acknowledging the bouncer with a firm nod to which the latter rolled his eyes at in response. "Good fucking luck with the Clash," He murmured gruffly as they passed by his towering figure before shutting and locking the door behind them. "You're gonna need it."

Connor halted in his footsteps as his programming instantly took the precious liberty to correct Lucas. He surfed through multiple websites for the scientific and realistic meaning of the term luck but found no such luck (Connor's LED turned yellow for a split second at the realization he somehow managed to conjure up a pun, as humans call it). Whirling around, Connor speaks, "There is no such thing as luck. It is nonexistent. Life is merely a series of probability."

Connor's lips desired to provide more information about the concept of luck but was rendered silent upon noticing Lucas glare over at his direction, hands curling and lips contorting to an ugly scowl. Before an argument could arise and possibly jeapordize the whole investigation, Hank grabbed Connor by the back of his collar and carelessly dragged him away from Lucas, distantly telling the man, "Sorry about this one! I think it's mentally challenged as an android!"

Connor instantly perked up at this. Once Lucas' interest on them diverted, Connor questions, "I haven't heard of a mentally challenged android before. Is there such thing now? Did CyberLife create a new kind of android? I am unaware of this."

Hank looked back at him, releasing the fabric from his hold. "There is one now."

Perplexed from the unfolded information, Connor leaned forward. "Really? Where is it? Is the public already aware of this new android?" He asked with an innocence of a child, painfully oblivious to the underlying message Hank was trying to relay to him.

Hank gawked at him with incredulousness glimmering in his eyes before shaking his hear in disbelief, sighing defeatedly. "Nothing, nothing, just forget about it. That's not what we're here for anyways."

Connor's software erased all remaining interest on the false information of a newly created android and highlighted his main objective - the exact reason why they even found themselves inside a malodorous and unsanitary factory. His fingers subconciously surfaced to fasten his tie but stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he recalled he had left his suit jacket and tie in the police car at Hank's request - more like demand. He involuntarily twitched at the sudden change.

Hank narrowed his eyes suspiciously upon having caught on Connor's involuntary movement. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing to be of your concern, lieutenant." Connor responded to his quiry as smoothly as he can as he generated his software to momentarily adapt to the lack of suit jacket and tie. Thankfully, his coin was not confiscated inside the police car. "Come on, we must continue with the case. Every second counts."

They ventured further into the corridor where horrendously ugly (save for some who actually had some sense of artistry in them), gruesome, sentimental, gothic and lewd graffiti drawn all over the walls, overlapping one another. There were damp cartons filled to the brim with tissue papers, half empty bottles of liquor scattered all over the place with a few shredded advertisments for the Eden Club and purchase of red ice. The place held pungent stench that could make humans wrench in disgust. Connor was mildly impressed Hank maintained a neutral calmness inside a chaotic place like this. He had formerly thought he'd unpleasingly react to the state of the factory.

"What a fucking mess. What did I expect from these people, honestly? My place looks like paradise compared to this. At least I use air freshener." Hank commented as he cast his gaze around, clumsily stumbling a few times as he comes across a few empty bottles. "Hell I can't wait to get out of here."

Nevermind. Connor thought.

Reaching the end of the corridor where a dim light resonated and obnoxious cheering from the people came, they were met by a drunkenly staggering man holding onto the walls for balance, saliva dripping from the corners of his mouth and red bloodshot eyes which only Connor could guess was caused by guzzling red ice. "Outta my way, pricks." He slurred in a pathetic attempt of trying to sound menacing as Connor and Hank parted to make way for him.

The man struggled along the way as he tried to approach the exit, occasionally crashing on the obstacles along the way. Connor could only watch him in interest. "Do you think he'll return to his residency safely?" Asks Connor and turns to regard Hank. "His car keys are dangling from his belt; he obviously owns a car and it is also quite obvious he is in no condition to drive."

Dismissively, Hank waved his hand. "Bah, just forget about him. A little incident won't hurt anyone. It'll teach him a valuable lesson when he can't learn the easy way."

"But wouldn't he sustain grave injuries if this little turns out to be huge? Or the worse outcome yet - death."

"Depends on how stupid that man is. Let's just hope he's too drunk to even get to his car and pass out on the way." Hank spared a glance at the intoxicated man and jeered as he saw him plummet to the carton of tissues, a curse leaving his lips. "Look at him, I bet he can't even tell the difference between water and tissue papers."

What greeted them as they both entered the main area of the factory was expected. The corridor gave them enough hints. Hollering humans cheering for their android of choice with either betting cash or alcohol in their hands, trashes of all sorts spreading out like an ocean, grease and other stains of unidentified liquid tainting the whole place - this site was one step behind from being a junkyard. From below the upper bleachers, the arena stood proudly.

[ SOFTWARE INSTABLITY ^^^ ]

He took one insignificant step within the premises of the main area when his software instability began drastically increasing with no particular source. With burrowed eyebrows, Connor intently studied these anomalous pop ups perched precariously on his peripheral vision like an annoying insect latching in spoiled food to feast upon. His LED colored itself yellow and red, flickering from time to time as he ran an analysis on his software but alas, no peculiarity was discovered.

He was in perfectly good condition - too perfect in actuality - so there was no reasonable explanation as to why these warning were appearing out of the blue. Not only that but the accelerating thrumming of his thirium pump vibrated against his chest - something he had never encountered before in his existence.

Hank strode a few good meters away from Connor and rested his right arm on the cold metal railing, his upper body leaning forward to get a closer inspection on the arena. As to not inject anymore irritation directed to him, Connor instantly went after him and stood next to him, securely evading all obstacles along the way. Hank snorted, eyes trained on the arena and the six androids circling around it right in front of metals doors, generously far from each other. "Seems like we got here right on time. The Clash will probably start in five minutes or so." He informed and a grimace formed on his face. "What the fuck is that man doing to that android?"

Connor cast his gaze downwards, to where Hank was directing his line of sight and located an aggresive man leering down on his fear stricken android as though it was dirt on the sole of his shoe.

It didn't take Connor a second to deduce the android was not normal as it seems. "It's deviant," Pointed out Connor, his left hand over the railing.

Hank sent him a glimpse. "What?"

Using his index finger, Connor aimed his finger at the android. "The android there is a deviant. As you already know, android don't feel emotions. But deviants do. And that android there is clearly showing signs of intense fear."

Hank nodded and returned his sight on the newly appointed deviant in Connor's perspective. Connor could hear Hank saying something, commenting something unfavorable about how the man was treating the android (why would he be concerned for an artificial human?) but it was an undurable pull that caused him to neglect Hank. His steadfast posture wavered in the slightest as his form was forced to move by this mysterious pull of nature and he soon found himself facing a particular direction a little further away from the human and his android turned deviant.

It was an android - how common. [ Hair Color ] [ Hair Length ], [ Eye Color ], and did he mention it was an android? Now upon observation, nothing about it was out of the ordinary nor was there anything special about it. If ever asked why it somewhat stood out amongst the other androids participating in the Clash, Connor will simply reply it was because of its unfaltering and intimidating stance, a total contrast to the other androids who merely stood motionless with a blank visage. Probably in normal circumstances, he wouldn't have spared a single glance at its direction. Hell, he wouldn't even learn of its existence until the Clash begins. The only reason he set his eyes in it was because it seems to be the sole source of his increasing instability in his software, LED shinning red, and thirium pump palpitating.

There must be a malfunction I cannot detect. Or this android did something to me.

[ NO INFORMATION AVAILABLE ]

A quiet gasp tumbled from his lips. How can there be no information about this androi - "Connor?"

Connor's body twitched. He wanted to respond to Hank's voice, to heed his superior, to obediently follow with no speck of defiance the orders programmed in his software by CyberLife but as the saying goes, expect the unexpected - for the first time in his existence, Connor refused to listen to his instructions.

Connor's LED turned yellow in frustration. He lost count of how many times he scanned the said android and every time he got the same result. Who is that android?

And what makes it so special, so excluded from the others, that it caused him to disobey CyberLife?

His question was answered when he came into gradual realization that the android was staring at him, its pair of [ Eye Color ] eyes fixated on him like it was studying him, admiring him. Connor's jaw dropped - It wasn't the most beautiful android in Detroit, its features were plain and common among humans, but why was he so stunned, so fascinated by this android?

[ SOFTWARE INSTABILITY ^^^ ]

***

Stop. Just stop. Please just stop this nonsense.

[ SYSTEM ERROR ^^^ ]

Regardless of your extremely futile attempts to at least postpone the pop ups of your system errors - you hated the thought that they might be the reason to your defeat, if ever - it continously reappeared at the side of your vision. Your LED whirred and turned red in alarm.

Six minutes had already passed by after breaking the accidental eye contact you initiated yet you can still recognize the smoldering gaze of the peculiar android suited at the upper bleachers of the factory on your figure, intently studying whatever little motion your body spared. Uncomfortable was an understatement if you were to describe the situation you found yourself in. It wasn't helping that your body was turning against you with your thirium pump distastely thudding against your chest, LED flickering from red and yellow (make up your damn mind) and most especially the system errors practically taking up all the space of your peripheral vision.

"Hello there, our dear Clashers! How are you all today?" You were roused back from your deep reverie and to reality once the booming voice of the emcee blasted from the speakers as she spoke through her held microphone. The emcee wore an overly sweet smile that could shame the former purpose of the abandoned factoryand matching its disgusying smile was an overly sweet, unnecessary and try hard set of makeup caking her face. If you were a lesser android, you would have reprimanded her for trying to mimic a coloring book. With an overflowing amount of confidence practially oozing from her, she sported a skimpy pink and green floral dress that left nothing else for the wild imagination of the men residing in the bleachers and flawlessly rocked a pair of six inched black pumps and dangling fake diamond earrings. Her dyed raven hair was combed in an elegant updo and her eyes glistened with mischief and delight as the crowd roared in thrill at the sight of her. She posed seductively in the middle of the area, legs apart and a slender hand on her hip. "Another evening, another Clash and you know what that means? Another set of useless and weak androids are nearing their tombs! Or rather, in their case, the andriod junkyard heaven!"

Her poor joke garnered her an outstanding fits of laughter generously given by her admirers in the abandoned factory that she had tom call them out several times before they were silenced. You cannot help but have puzzlement arise inside your system. The joke wasn't that humorous and you have mosh certainy heard betters ones yet somehow, the majority of the humans within the factory laughed at the emcee's quip. How come is that? "Okay, okay, enough of that," The emcee bellows and lets out a childish and feminine giggle. "Now, how about we greet our androids for the night?"

On cue to her rhetorical question, the metal doors opened right before your eyes and without a second of hesitation, you advanced within the interior of the arena. The exact moment your stepped foot in the arena, you disregarded all external and internal distraction but the the unsettling stare of the android from the bleachers remained, though more bearable as you successfully focused yourself on your current objective - to eliminate all threat to your victory. The other androids mirrored your movements with the same lacking amount of hesitation, excluding the android turned deviant which cowered as it remained outside, refusing to enter the arena in fear of its death.

"Get in there!" Edwin Williams demanded to his android, teeth gritting and hot air exhaled throigh his nostrils.

The terrified deviant shook its head, its feet taking steps back. "I-I don't wanna die in there,"

"Oh for fuck sake," The owner ascended the small staircase leading to the arena and shoved his android inside, not giving a second thoigh about its emotional condition. The deviant tumbled down on the cold cement but instantenously got back up on its feet to escape but the moment he stood, the metal doors had already shut, locking it in its death bed. It begged for its freedom and rapped its knuckles on the wired walls to get anyone's attention but all it got were insults, humiliation and shame.

"And now," Begins the emcee as she pauses for tension, "Let us acknowledge the reigning champion of the Android Clashes for two straight years - give it up for Anonymous!" A wave of cheers mixed in with the boos greeted your owner, Ruth Judge, as he raised his fist in greeting to the people.

"And how can we forget his undefeated legendary of an android!m? Our very own combat android of the century!" The emcee gesticulates to you and as expected, you received the same reaction from the crowd.

"Don't let that shit of an android beat you!" Edwin violently slammed his hands againt the wired walls of the arena, teeth snapping. "Kill it!"

Slowly, the quivering, fear controlled deviant turned to your direction, eyes pleading and cheeks tinged blue. "Please," It whimpered pathetically. "Don't hurt me."

You gaped at it. Never had any android pleaded for its life, they mostly took their defeat without a word so as the deviant stared at you with teary eyes, pleaded for your mercy, you found no backup step by step instructions on what to do in this kind of situation so you settled by averting your gaze from it. The dilation of your pupils was far from evident but still it was there, mocking you for carelessly letting the android's plea get muddle with your system - [ SYSTEM ERROR ^^^ ]

"Now," The emcee twirls around with her hands in the air and strikes an idol like posing. "Let this android Clash begin!"

don't forget to click the heart button, reblog button and share this fanfic! wanna make a fanart or soundtrack for the fanfic? feel free to do so! please make sure to send them to me so i can post them on the next chapters so they can be appreciated [•^•].

#dbh #detroit become human #detroit: become human #dbh connor #dbh rk800 #rk800 #connor x reader #rk800 x reader #x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #dbh kara #dbh markus #dbh hank anderson #hank anderson #androids #deviants #slowburn #connor rk800 x reader

102 notes · View notes