#of course the end of the semester is getting like this
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After Office Hours
Agatha x gn reader
Agatha Harkness is an acclaimed professor at your magical university. You are a student with a heavy courseload, Agatha takes a load off of your mind for awhile.
Notes: hypnosis, trancey language,voice kink?power imbalance, professor/student relationship, Mommy kink.
âI can cast illusions, I can control a feeble mind.â Agatha Harkness had said during a lecture in her class on magical psychology. But she assured her class that they, by virtue of being in her class, had nothing to worry about.
And it was true. Sheâd never be able to Control your mind, not fully. But that was almost more fun anyway, more of a challenge.
You were a diligent student. Visiting her at least once a week for office hours. She had seen your painstakingly kept little planner. You had a heavy course load this semester. Her class, a taxing multiversal physics course with professor Strange, an advanced ecology course with professor Vidal (both of which had labs), plus upper level Russian with Maximoff. She was quite impressed how you kept up with the 4 professors as well as several extra curriculars.
One week you missed office hours. Your paper wasâŠadequate, but certainly not at the level that she had come to expect from you. The next time she saw you in class, you had had bags under your eyes, and you were slouched over in a hoodie and sweats.
She could see you struggling to focus as she talked, which was very very odd for you. You poor thing, someone oughta help you get some rest.
âY/N? Could you stay behind for a minute?â She said as your peers filed out at the end of the block.
âOf course professor.â You said nervously, fiddling with your sleeve.
She sat on the edge of the desk. âYou donât seem quite yourself, everything alright?â
Professor Harkness was not nearly the hardass everyone had made her out to be, at least she wasnât that way with you. Nonetheless, she was quite intimidating, she was powerful and confident. And it didnât help that she was gorgeous.
And you couldnât help it, as embarrassed as you were, when the tears spilled from your eyes. You hadnât been sleeping. You had been working so hard. You wanted to achieve. God how were you going to get through this.
âOh my dear, come letâs talk in my office shall we?â
She placed a hand on your shoulder gently as she led you to her office. Instead of sitting you at the chair across from her desk, like a normal meeting, she led you to the couch in the back of the room.
You took your book bag off, a literal weight lifted off of you. And she brought over some tissues.
Agatha sat down next to you, not too close (not yet anyway), and gently rubbed your back.
The comfort triggered more tears from you.
âOh angel. Itâs okay let it out. Take your time.â She soothed you. âBut you do need to breathe. Can you take a nice deep breath for me?â
You nodded and did as she asked. In, hold, out.
âGood, very good.â
âIâm so sorry professor.â
âSsh, nothing to be sorry for.â
She cautiously put her arm around you properly and squeezed your shoulder.
You had to stop yourself from leaning into her side. She smelled nice, sweet, with something warm underneath. Her touch felt nice. Her voice was so soothing.
âUnder a lot of stress arenât you dear?â
âI mean arenât we all?â You half chuckled.
âPerhaps, doesnât make it any easier does it though?â
âNo maâam.â
Agatha chuckled. âAlways so polite. Youâre my favorite student you know?â
You blushed and looked down at your hands. âI donât know if youâre supposed to have favorites.â
âMaybe not. But that doesnât exactly stop anybody. Anyway, obviously I want to see all of my students succeed, but when I see someone as bright as you, as hardworking as you, slip a bit, I have to check in yâknow?â
You took a sharp breath in. âI failed that paper didnât I?â
âNo doll, all of your arguments were sound, and supported by evidence, but something tells me you didnât get the time you would have liked to work on this. And based on the state of the gardens around the school, Iâm guessing professor Vidal slammed you guys with a project this week.â
You were tearing up again. âYeah, and I had so much trouble with the equations for strange this week. And I promised Iâd make something for the bake sale for my tarot groupâŠI donât mean to make excusesââ
âSshh,â Agatha squeezed you tighter, âyouâve had a lot on your plate dear. I understand. Letâs take another deep breath okay? In. Hold. Out. Very good. Let go of some of that stress. I know itâs been a hard week, you poor thing. But right now youâre just here with me. Let me help you.â
You looked over at her, those deep blue eyes looking back at you. Her fingers started rubbing a spiral into your shoulder. You could feel your attention drawn to her, it wasnât hard to focus on her. It never was. And it did feel nice to focus on her. It was so easy to listen to her, maybe to easy.â
âYou look worried again, dear.â
âProfessorâŠam I feeble minded?â
Agatha couldnât help but laugh, âno dear, far from it I assure you. What makes you ask such a thing?â
âIâI can feel a pull towards you.â
âAnd the fact that youâre resisting that pull proves youâre not feeble minded. But that doesnât mean you canât sink for me. Doesnât mean you shouldnât sink for me. After all, wouldnât it feel nice? To sink for me, to let me take over for a bit?â
Her free hand held your chin, making sure you stayed facing her. Your faces were so close together.
âItâsâŠso easy professor, should I be worried? Is this even allowed?â You started to shake off the fuzziness begging to creep through your mind.
âNo baby, the point is you donât worry,â she stroked under your chin, your eyes closed. The pet name and the proximity made your heart beat faster.
Agatha hugged you tightly to her. You timidly put your head on her shoulder.
âThere you go,â a hand came to pet your head, âno worries now, just my voice, just my touch. Just keep taking nice steady breaths. So good for me.â
Her hand in your hair felt sooooooo good. Your mind was quieter than it had been in ages.
Agatha pressed a barely there kiss to your forehead. You wanted to pick your head up but her hand in your hair didnât let you.
âSsh, no baby, you canât move right now. Youâre far too relaxed. You just have to keep listening to me. Let me lull you even further down, pet.â
You could move, if you really needed to, if you needed to stop this you could. But it felt so good to obey. You knew how the process worked, the ins and outs of hypnosis, you had learned them from her, but those specifics were at the back of your mind. Right now you were relaxed, safe, and mindless.
âThatâs right pet. I can feel you loose and limp against me. I donât know if Iâve ever felt that head of yours so quiet. And you are so very safe with me, my sweet pet.â
Later, later you would confront how you felt when she called you pet. Later you would confront her about everything going on. But right now, it felt good. You were her pet, her obedient pet, and it came so naturally to you.
Agatha bit her lip at the sight of you. Practically helpless against her. Had she caught you on any other day youâd probably have put up more of a struggle. Maybe another day you two could talk about resistance play. But for now, she relished your surrender.
âSleep now, pet.â She said before pressing another gentle kiss to your forehead.
â
You woke up still on her couch, tucked under a blanket. Agatha was working on next weekâs lectures at her desk.
âHi pet,â she said cheerfully, âsleep well?â
âYes Mo-â you slapped a hand over your mouth.
Agatha laughed.
âI wasnât sure if that suggestion would stick or not while you were sleeping. But maybe I shouldnât be surprised, you are always so eager to please.â
âThis isnâtâI mean we canâtâyou could lose your job!!â
Agatha stood up from her desk and sauntered over. âWeâll be smart. Well, Iâll be smart, donât want you thinking too much now.â
âProfessorââ You rejected the suggestion this time. Your anxiety overriding the urge to obey.
Agatha put a finger to your lips âSh, school day is over, and we have the whole weekend ahead of us. Let Mommy take care of you, pet.â
She stroked your hair gently. âYouâve been such a good pet, donât you want your reward?â
â
She led you to her car and drove you to her home. You had nothing but your book bag with you.
Her home was very beautiful, but also quite cozy.
âYou were awful quiet in the car. And I know itâs not because you werenât thinking.â
âJust overwhelmed I guess.â
âPoor thing. Are your shoes off? Good. Come, drop your bag there and come over to the couch.â
She sat down first. âCome lay your head in my lap, sweet thing.â
You gingerly laid yourself down as she had asked. You were rewarded with her nails scratching yours scalp.
âGood pet. So obedient. Comes so naturally to you doesnât it?â
Heat rose to your face.
âAww, does that embarrass you? How you were just meant to be my pet? Youâre Mommyâs good pet, arenât you?â
âY-yes.â
âYou can do better than that. Whose are you? What are you?â
âI-Iâm your good pet.â
âSooo close angel. Iâll give you one more chance.â
âI-Iâm Mommyâs good petâ
âYes you are! Youâre so very good. And good pets get rewarded.â She moved a hand down to your chest, groping at you. You drew in a shaky breath.
âMmm, you have no idea how long Iâve wanted you baby.â
âReally?â
âOh god yes baby. I see the way you look at me you know? You donât even mean to stare, you just canât help it. Youâve never been able to help but focus on me. And thatâs okay. I have you now.â She said with a pinch of your nipple.
You whimpered under her touch and her words.
âAnd I donât want you worrying that cute little head of yours when youâre with Mommy. You still need to worry a little with professor Harkness, but youâve always been such a good student. Once we get you nice and rested youâll be back on track okay?â
âThank youâŠMommy.â
Agathaâs eyes lit up when you used her title. âOf course baby. Now just let me,â she reached under your t-shirt, and groped at your bare chest.
You shuddered.
âSensitive little thing hm?â She said with a smile. She traced circles around your nipple with her fingertips and watched you melt underneath her.
She surprised you with a pinched and you arched up into her touch. She bit her lip at the sight.
âI have a slutty little pet on my hands, donât I?â
You whined in response.
âI think I do, and I wouldnât have it any other way trust me.â
âMo-mommy?â You asked shyly.
âYes pet?â
You looked up at her, eyes drawn to her lips. âCan I kiss you?â You said, voice barely above a whisper.
Agatha smiled. âOf course pet. Come here.â
Her hand wrapped around the back of your head as you sat up to meet her. Her lips as gentle as the tone she used to lull you down into trance. You could just as easily get lost in her kisses. Her tongue slid into your mouth and you moaned. You tangled your fingers in her hair.
A safe, warm feeling settled over you. You were being so good. Mommyâs good pet. Good pets pet Mommy take care of them.
You finally needed air and when you broke apart you saw desire burning in Agathaâs eyes.
She cupped the side of your face, tracing her thumb over your lips, you parted to allow her in.
âFuck youâre perfect. Thatâs all you baby, thatâs just your instinct isnât it?â
She loved the embarrassed look in your eyes as she gently degraded you. âAnd thatâs okay. You were just made for me thatâs all. Just a good little slut for Mommy.â
You closed your eyes and sucked harder on her thumb.
âYeah, I know baby. What a good mouth. Oh there are so many things Iâd like to do to that mouth. Plenty of time for that. For now though,â
Agatha adjusted you so you were straddling her thigh. She kissed you from the base of your neck all the way up to your ear.
âWhat I want for right now, is for you to come undone with pleasure,â she husked.
She guided your hips to grind against her. Quickly you moved your hands to grip the back of the couch, steadying yourself.
âNo thinking, Iâm gonna help you grind your thoughts away. Yeah, youâre just gonna get lost in sensation for a bit for me. Thatâs a good pet.â
You buried your head in her neck, moving your arms to wrap around her.
âAlready so docile for me. Iâm gonna have you mewling like a kitten baby.â
âPlease keep talking to me Mommy.â
âOh you sweet thing, I can do that. Need to hear Mommyâs words guiding you through it all? Need me to fill that head up, push all those thoughts away? Thatâs what Iâm here for pet. You can just let go, you can just give in, just hump my leg like the good little pet that you are.â
âFeels so good Mommy.â
âGood, Iâm glad baby. Focus on that pleasure, let yourself get hornier and hornier. My words will guide you no matter how far you drift. Keeping you safe. Just feel good baby.â
You couldnât think, you didnât want to think. It felt good to give in. It felt good to grind against Mommy. It felt good to be Mommyâs Good Pet.
âMommy, getting close.â
âOh yeah? Wanna cum for Mommy?â
âPlease!â
âPlease what?â
âPlease MommyâŠah, can I cum?â
âSuch a good pet, cum for me baby. Cum for Mommy.â
You moaned right in her ear, thanking her for letting you cum. You were a practically a rag doll her arms now.
âOh you did so good today baby. I know this week was hard but you did so good. You deserve to feel good like this.â
She moved you so that you were basically being cradled by her. Your head in the crook of her neck, nuzzling her.
âSweet pet. You feel so small in my arms like this. Mommyâs got you, you can rest now.â
#agatha harkness smut#agatha harkness x reader#my fic#hypnok1nk#hypnovember#<-better late than never
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Sitting down for the first time since Monday night to proof this fic đ« đ
#i will *try* to get it out this weekend but i sadly cant make any promises#this week has been wild#prelim portfolio review preparation... statistics exam prep...#emergency faculty meetings because we're being kicked from the building due to PCB exposure...#fucking wild fam#of course the end of the semester is getting like this#taylor talks
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I sure hope Hijotee is doing well wherever they may be... (21/24)
#noco family au#How I Met Your Father (Again)#total drama#total drama noah#total drama cody#total drama noco#noco lore#hijotee's william country#IM BACK BITCHES!!!!#don't worry I haven't offed this blog#uni has just been kicking my ass these past few weeks#final stretch to end of semester and of course I my neurodivergent ass leaves my last few assignments to the last minute#that and I had a nasty stomach flu for like a week so there's that#but yea planning on being way more active here in the coming weeks#hopefully get this bastard arc done by next week#fuck and its almost the blogs first anniversary too#huh#but yea#do people even read these tags?
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i passed all my exams
#NO RESITS???? ON COURSE TO GRADUATING WITH EVERYONE??? NO ONE MOVE#THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE HELLO. HELLO. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#IM SO. IM NOT EVEN HAPPY YET BC IM JUST IN A STATE OF SHOCK#ONE SEMESTER DOWN âïž AND THE HARDEST ONE TOO#I want a 2:1 average from this fuckass degree which is somehow MANAGEABLE bc i got an overall 2:1 average last year#and thatâll be weighted 35% of my final mark so thatâs good#then from these exams Iâve averaged 2:2 which isnât ideal but I never do well w in person exams and im honestly surprised i even PASSED#this semester is much more coursework based esp with my dissertation and i do better with that shit#so as long as I get a decent 2:1 or even better (âïžâïžâïž) this term I actually should end this degree with a 2:1#like. i am on course for that. do you even know how mental that is#for this degree you have WATCHED me fight tooth and nail for 3 years#im acc in a state of shock rn no one blags as hard as me NO ONE#hella goes to uni
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Young Teacher Tuvok Patreon | Ko-fi
#Person: So I heard from the students that you're the headteacher? / Tuvok: ???This is a college???#his kids gave him a mug that says 'Father' bc it would be impossible to ascertain whether or not he is in fact the no.1 dad#despite their own emphatically positive opinions...'Father' is factual v_v (in my mind the mug just has a vulcan symbol)#bea art tag#st voyager#Tuvok#Tuvok went through Starfleet training/academy - Quit - Then probably had to go to a whole different college to get a teaching license#When he re-entered Starfleet did he have to take lessons again?? Is there a separate license to be a Starfleet instructor?#After being expelled from his school as a teen ... how long was he with the monks? Did he repeat a grade?#Tuvok your education fascinates me#Vulcan school - expelled - learning at a temple with monks - repeat grade? / Vulcan school - graduate#enter starfleet academy - graduate - quit - enter college - graduate - teach - quit job - enter starfleet (academy?) - graduate?#- starfleet teaching license - end#note: I don't think under normal human circumstances you'd need to go back to the academy but Tuvok quit Starfleet at like 20 something#and who knows how many decades passed since then - I'm sure the curriculum changed a lot in like 70 years v_v#maybe....a few catchup courses. Like a semester instead of four(?) years#st voyager art#also I like the thought that Tuvok is considered introverted/reserved even amongst Vulcans#Less so than how humans perceive him but still enough that it IS a personality trait rather than purely a cultural difference
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me desperately trying to get into the humanities classes i need to graduate as an engineering major (most of them are full and those that aren't still have major restrictions)
#like listen i get why humanities courses are necessary for engineering students#hell i encourage and support it#but im having so much trouble getting into the art classes for my âpathwayâ#because rpi couldn't just say âtake x electivesâ noooo#they all need to be related#but god im so tired of it ive been trying to get in#got off the waitlist for drawing once but that was a bad semester schedule#really regretting it now i shouldve just dropped thermo and taken drawing#cause of COURSE all of my pathway is locked behind basic drawing#and of course i got the wrong day for registration so it was completely full by the time i logged in#im like third on the waitlist so well see what happens#at least i hope im still on the waitlist bc the portal stopped showing my position#ugh#i really don't want to switch my pathway everything else has essays i hate essays#at least senior year will be 90% electives bc im a stubborn idiot and have been replacing actual electives with major related stuff#because after next semester i literally have TWO more major related classes#well at least senior year will be light#maybe they'll actually let me into an art class#hey a gal can dream#otherwise imma need four philosophy classes to make up for it#gotta love how im expected to sift through tons of daily newsletters and school store promos to find one bit of info#like bestie i am doing an internship i am not thinking about rpi#still don't even know if i have housing next semester they said end of november so who tf knows
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i'm starting to look into classes i might want to take next year and like. i feel like i should be chill but i also kinda want to go all in and take a not chill class
#0.txt#like if it's just ONE class....#i really want to take computer vision in particular. its the one class i dropped out of during undergrad :P#which is ironic considering my focus area ended up being very graphics/AR heavy#iirc my course load was ass that semester and i didn't need it to graduate so. off it went#anyways. point is i have some regrets and i want to try to take it again#at the same time i haven't been in any sort of educational setting in over 5 years lol#i should start chill i should start chill...#maybe some intro genomics course if i can find one. the main one is already full i bet its a freshman lecture#that's the other angle i really want to achieve just improving my biomedical/genetics background#like i'm pretty much set to be in biotech my whole life so like. if i can i want to get formal training on the bio side#taking medbio classes will also be more useful for me if i want to try to get into a more computational bio focused grad program#hmmm i really should go that route huh
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Such a horrifying feeling to finish an assignment at 11:59, revel in your victory for a few minutes, close out of it to the Canvas homepage, and see tomorrowâs assignments already waiting for you on your to-do list because itâs past midnight
#đ€posting#soooo tired#rehearsal was so long today. it went well though#but I had to speedrun my essay that was due tonight and there was some stuff I didnât get to include#I was already like 500 over the upper end of the word minimum though so lol#hopefully my prof doesnât mind⊠he just said MORE THAN 1500-2500#so I figure 3000 is fineâŠ. right đ
đ
#anyway I had a second assignment due after and only like 10 mins before midnight#luckily it was easy and worth barely any points and Iâve had a 100% in that course all semester#but blehh#so sleepy#goodnight
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So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday
#honestly maybe it's better this way. i'd rather just not care at all rather than be super stressed about it#just like i've been doing with every little thing for most of my life#might have missed the date when we were supposed to choose our elective courses. well whatever Lol#and i still don't even know what my schedule is or what classes i have this semester oopsie#well the university itself doesn't seem particularly pressed about giving us the schedule either#but i'd probably better still read up on the classes at least before they start#i don't have high hopes for this year just like with the last. probably should just stop pretending that i still want to study anything atp#this wasn't even my first choice of a course bcs i had to prepare for that damn exam to be accepted for my preffered one#but i couldn't be bothered to study for it again which probably should have told me enough abt whether going into this again is a good idea#i'm so tired just thinking about it but i know that actually looking for a job and then having a job will be a thousand times worse so uh#but at least i'd have my own money and start doing something ughhhh. useful maybe. who knows what it will be though#i have no ideaaaaaa. but this feels like just putting off the inevitable. like at some point i need to get my shit together#i will probably report at the end of the next week about how i'm so done already#i don't really knowwww mannnnnm. i don't feel like i had any vacation at all even though 3 months have already passed#and i also sort of didn't prepare something relatively easy to do that would have given me an actual document#that would confirm that i actually finished that part-time school thing last semester#can't really be bothered to come back to it at this point though#well at least i learned something actually useful and interesting from that and that's enough for me tbh#and a lot of it is also relevant to my current area of interest (digital drawing and computer graphics in general)#well speaking of which i'd better just get back to drawing now lol. just one more left to finish!!!#in short i guess that my new way of dealing with stress is just ignoring it all#well it's worked in some way at least so it can't be an entirely bad thing lol#goosepost
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iâm someone who sees things in like constant shades of grey and i quite often try to see the light side of things and i think iâm constantly reminded of all the great stuff i have in my life. also i am full of gratitude all the time and also every time something bad happens to me iâm like yknow what this makes sense𫶠all these bad things suck but they lead to so many amazing things iâm hyper aware of the butterfly effect. so uhm iâm a pretty resilient person if i do say so myself. so today when i came to the realization of OH. iâm having a BAD YEAR!
#literally got picked on by a prof in december that like momentarily zapped all my curiosity for everything academic#family stuff that actually makes me wanna die so bad#a couple ocd episodes that made me go insane#severely boring winter semester#my cat got sick and i drained my entire savings account#BROKE AS SHIT#also the fucking emotional stress of having my new cat get critically ill and almost dying#insane arguments with my mom realizing i donât feel comfortable in my home <4#down bad severely down bad for a man#non stop work my life is non stop deadlines#two back to back courses that like took over my entire summer didnât get a break at all#didnât get the internship i wanted more than life itself#(which ended up being a positive but still)#underemployed up until three weeks ago#MENTALLY ILL!!! STILL#constant chronic pain and nausea that is unexplained#lost enough weight to see my ribs cause i couldnât fucking eat#all my friends gone this summer#just feel blue so often#so many amazing things happened this year and i am excited and i still love life#but damn i feel beaten down like a dog#oh and did i mention the ongoing stress of watching your people get genocided through the internet :)#the absolute erosion of identity that like you already felt so disconnected from#as you watch the place you yearn for more than anything get completely nuked off the earth :)#and actually your moms homeland isnât enough they need to start bombing your dads homeland too ;)
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idk if it helps at all but seeing your journey w uni has been really comforting in a weird way. even people who talk abt finishing it later always seem to mean it as âyou took a gap yearâ lmao. i dropped out of my first course in 2021, didnât go last year, was going to go this year but that doesnât look like itâs happening. maybe iâll go in 2024, maybe i wonât. but, itâs nice to know iâm not alone. and i really appreciate you being so open about it even though it can be such a miserable, isolating experience
love u â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïž
#ive been going every semester but i always end up either being able to finish only 1-2 classes or i drop out of that semester entirely#and a full course load is 5 classes a semester so im. very much behind#like i need 20 credits to graduate and ive been doing my degree for 3 years and i only have 6.5 credits#and my uncle keeps pressuring me to go faster and wants me to get it done in the next year or 2 but im literally . too disabled for that
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i'll have all my DOUBTERS know that i got up at 11 this morning and studied for my econ exam đ
#speak friend and enter#tbf i didn't think i could do it either but i did :^)#i may forget everything during the actual exam which is in. 15 minutes but hey at least i tried#and like. it's my last semester so as long as i don't straight up fail the entire course (which i don't think is a huge risk atp) i'm fine#i'm shooting for an 85% tho. i'd like the 72 i got last time to be the test grade that gets dropped at the end of the semester
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The semester hasn't even started yet and I already know that the second week is absolutely going to flatten me because not only do I have the two lab sections I TA and also my two classes that I'm taking, I also will be taking over another lab section that week because the usual TA has either an appointment or a committee meeting then, will (more than likely) be jumping in as an assistant on two more (three-hour) labs, and need to have a committee meeting sometime between all of that.
also I'm in the middle of being trained in on lab stuff, so I'm pretty sure that any time not spent either teaching, assisting, or studenting will be spent trying to get the rest of my samples through.
#personal#grad school#what's also fun about the lab that I'm taking over for the week is that that week we get an assistant#the assistant that I have for my regular sections is the one I had last semester so that's fine#the person stepping in as my assistant for the fill-in lab is the head TA and is far more intimidating#especially considering how often I like to go off piste with stuff#particularly with Excel#good news tho I've not been chewed out for the end of last semester by the course coordinator yet#it's possible that she's just forgotten
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:-)
#I've spent the past week organizing in the play's wake - sorting and laundering huge numbers of costumes#some to return to those they belong to and some to come home to my costume storage room which had become chaotic over the last few#months#so a complete spring cleaning for the storage room became part of my task list too. Now the play's been over for a week#and the emails are starting to come in from admin about next year. As some of you know I did a lot of discernment this semester#about what next year should look like and I have decided a mix of continuity is best. I won't be working for my 'main' schoolboard anymore#but I will continue to teach and direct for the one program in the city (the one I did the play for) and possibly with a new home school#enrichment program that may go ahead this year if there are sufficient numbers. Otherwise I am going to spend a semester#tutoring and running workshops f I can get it off the ground. Then we'll see.#Anyway - admin wants me to get new syllabi in to them within a month's time so my thoughts are all in that direction!#I get to teach 19th/20th century Canadian history to the middle schoolers and Late Antique/Medieval Church History to the high schoolers!#Also direct another play and do a humanities course centred around an epic in the spring (the last couple of years we've done Iliad and#Odyssey - they want Aeneid this year but I am trying to talk them into another option. The Aeneid is valuable but I am not sure it's the#time or place with this group of students. The result of all this is that I am spending far too much time doing Internet research for ideas#and then taking breaks on tumblr - which isn't good for my eyes or mental health. What with the play and end of term#I fear I've been out of the reading habit. I'm still hyperfixating on the Book of Romans so there's that at least#but I lost the novel I was in the middle of and am not feeling so motivating with out books. It's a proper reading slump! I need a kickstar#of sorts. Feel free to yell at me that I should pick up a book!
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Uni lecture is making me think about my future for a minute and auuuggghhhh the agonies
#personal#taking a brief break from it bc the feeling hasnt quite overwhelmed me yet but i dont think I'm going to be okay by the end of it!#its asking me to consider what my strengths are. what kind of role I'd like to have in the industry when i graduate#these are questions that i SHOULD certainly have answers to but they kind of just make me not wanna be alive yk? bc i have no answers#I'm not really good at much. like the things I'm best at I'm still completely unexceptional#what are my strengths? don't have any. next question#what job do i want to have in the industry? well that requires an answer to the first question doesn't it#not to mention it requires me to think about graduating and having a job and I've simply never imagined myself getting that far#and i can only give this so much of my attention span bc I'm also thinking about how hard i failed my modules from last semester#my best grade this year has been a c#one of them is a marginal fail meaning i do the reassessment this year (i think)#the other is a hard f. what does that mean? do i resit the entire course next year? maybe#and i can't look it up just yet bc i need to make it through the lecture bc I'm really far behind this other module already#and it's only week 3 and i have a presentation tomorrow#and if i stop watching it im not convinced I'll bring myself to start watching again!#so instead i was just sitting here trying not to get overwhelmed by all of the things i should be thinking about!!!#that's why I'm making the post tbh. just to organise my thoughts and get it out of my system and give myself time to breathe#and my phone keeps buzzing while i type and if it does that one more time i will launch us both out of the window I'm so fucking done#semester has barely begun and im so fucking overwhelmed already#I've joked about being the token nt mutual before but honestly the past few years I've just been getting gradually more convinced I'm not#this can't be how everyone else is experiencing life. surely#like dude I'm so out of fucking touch w the concept of being a human#so in summary: augh the agonies
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This paper is actually going quite well.
Too bad it's complete bullshit.
#I'm not lying#but I'm definitely not being brutally honest about the historiography here#look the first few works are technically all social histories but there's a qualitative difference from the later ones#and the politics is still important enough that I should get to call them political histories#Also frankly I don't care#I just need to finish the damn paper by midnight and then I will be free of this fucking course#I have never in my LIFE dreaded going to class before this course#And honestly? It's soul crushing! I have no will to succeed here!#My only motivation is that I liked the rest of the semester and I need to pass this class to continue the program!#the professor asked for an additional evaluation (still anonymous) and I'm torn about how brutal to be#because on the one hand it was an enlightening course and I am definitely better equipped as a historian than I was three months ago.#on the other hand every single one of my classmates had completely given up by the end because no matter what we did it wasn't good enough#and also the professor was just fucking mean a whole bunch. But in that subtle way where you feel crazy for noticing.#so the class was horrible but I don't want him to feel horrible but also maybe he deserves it??? I can't even tell if he's actually a dick#or just acts like one#which is perhaps not a meaningful distinction but if he doesn't mean to I'd feel bad being too harsh#though several incidents make me think he meant to#blegh. It'll all be over by midnight!#And then I can focus on studying for women's history and - joy of joys - writing a syllabus about Victorian fashion and politics#I fucking love historical fashion that's going to be absurdly fun
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