#of course sayo has a right to know and SHOULD know but the servants i feel were not telling her for her sake

[grassoftunnel]

Choice Theft in the second degree, with utter disrespect

“To take the choice of another … to forget their concrete reality, to abstract them, to forget that you are a node in a matrix, that actions have consequences. We must not take the choice of another being. ”

from Perdido Street Station by China Miéville

The way Genji, Kumasawa, and Nanjo constantly refer to the rape as being like…The One Sin that Kinzo ever did in regards to Beatrice 2. As though they weren’t there actively helping him to raise her in isolation, imprisonment, lying to her about the world, about herself. As if that’s not also a nightmarish abusive situation already, just on it’s own. We have so little of Beatrice 2, but it’s an undeniable fact that she was a human utterly devoid of agency in every single way.. They stole from her even the choice to be angry or upset or aware about what was happening to her, what had happened to her. Of the choice to be a human and not a witch. Of the choice to be a daughter and not a wife. Genji’s half-truth phrasings during the games too when dodging confirmation from the siblings about whether Kinzo had a child with his mistress are especially disgusting. Since he’s not just outright lying like Nanjo, but denying Beatrice 2’s personhood as an individual, and slyly using Kinzo’s grooming logic that she was not really herself, but someone else (her mother), even if he did genuinely feel bad for her. I’m sure Genji, Kumasawa, and Nanjo contented themselves by thinking that a bird in a cage doesn’t long for the outside. But that’s a theft in itself. And this choice theft is only continued with Sayo. Robbed of her own unsurgically-altered body. Robbed of the context of her life. Robbed of the ability to make choices based on those two things. And then in telling her, far too late, she is robbed of the mundane, uncomplicated love that had existed in her heart for Battler. Robbed of a lineage not tainted by the most horrific abuse. Robbed even of the ability to look at her own father, at the people who raised her, with respect. Like…HELL IS NOT HOT ENOUGH!!!!

[rontra]

ANONYMOUS ASKED:

i really like mwot and was wondering, do you wanna talk/loredump/etc about mwot during this blessed month of pride? (if not that's totally cool!!! i really like the au and am curious about it!)

REPLY:

YES!!!!

umineko spoilers below and LONG POST KSDJDKSKD i really went infodumping......you got me right in an infodumping mood....

also im being very casual in this post so if something is like weird or vague its probably because i got tired of thinking about it and skipped ahead. SKJDSJD

mwot is an umi au and its very gay and very trans because i, a gay trans, decided it was TIME to INDULGE

LIKE A MOUNTAIN WIND FALLING ON OAK TREES also known as MWOT, MW/OT, Mountain Wind + Oak Trees, MW+OT, or literally any combination of its parts, is an eva/natsuhi au, set in a vague modern big city setting

https://rontra.tumblr.com/tagged/mountain-wind-oak-trees

it’s a comedy, mostly? it has elements of backstory transphobia and  stuff like that but that’s not really the story i want to tell with it, so  i don’t go too deeply into it in the main fic. it’s mostly comedy and Self Care: The  Story (once these nerds get around to acknowledging that self care is  good, anyway!!!!)  

Eva is 20, nb lesbian (though she doesnt know half of it to begin with). generally a bitchard at the beginning but also deeply craving that Validation. Invested in making the fic harder to write due to pronoun shenanigans (shoutout to the lengthy section of intimate emotional scenes that uses no pronouns at all for eva but is narrated by them in 3rd person)

Natsuhi is like 21 i guess because im a sucker for her having like an annoying 1-3 years on eva bc eva would get mad about it. Also she’s trans, gray-ace, hopeless romantic, generally full of “quickly raising your eyebrows and looking away while sipping your drink and thinking Yikes” energy. weaponizes indifference but is no stranger to harder means. she’s a smart cookie

Sayo is also 20, gender clown car living her best life. Presents differently depending on mood and whim

krauss is like 22 or whatever. for housekeeping’s sake, rosa and rudolf are too young to matter (8 and 10, or something like that). dont even worry about it

honestly the weirdest part of the au is eva and sayo being the same age

also this au is the origin point of me & my friends using akikaze as nat’s maiden name. the more you know!

-

USHIROMIYA GOLD dishes up that yellow metal like you wouldn’t believe. led by kinzo whos so fuckin good at sniffing out that sweet sweet gold people are half convinced the man has psychic powers. Any piece of land he’s got his eyes on, he WILL get his hands on, no matter who owns it right now.

the land kinzo wants At The Moment is owned by the AKIKAZE FAMILY who have been notably on the decline recently. they’re in the economic shithole so this land is basically all they’ve got right now, so when kinzo wants it and it suddenly Has Value, they’re like “oh, shit,

anyway the deal basically shakes out that like, he gets the land and all the gold that may or may not be in it. he offers his eldest son in exchange for this land, to marry their daughter: in the bonds of marriage graciously ensuring a part of the winnings will spill over on them, while keeping them under his control without money coming into the picture.

Everything’s working out great and coming up kinzo. the deal is closed and everyone’s happy (i guess). until ONE DAY, just a few narrow weeks before the akikaze girl is set to move in with the ushiromiyas,

KINZOS

OLDEST

SON

DISAPPEARS

!!!!!

Krauss dislikes being told what to do, and his father’s ideals never lined up with his own. He thinks this entire thing is sort of fucked up and can’t live under his dad’s thumb anymore. That's why, immediately following Kinzo’s agreement with the Akikaze family, Krauss disappears. He’s just kinda left for greener pastures, to unfold his own life and pursue his own interests independent of the Ushiromiya name. He leaves behind a letter explaining it & basically he forfeits both name and inheritance, and Kinzo’s incredible deal is suddenly in jeopardy.....

obviously this is kinzo though, and all of his solutions are like, 20 times more complicated than they have to be? he’s DETERMINED to have this land so he’s like “i need an eldest son. shit rudolf is only like 9. fuck. well okay i have an eldest daughter with a deeply complicated need for validation and success entirely driven by her overall neglect at my hands“ and the rest. as they say. is history (???)

Ushiromiya Eva always saw Krauss as unworthy of the inheritance, and to her, his disappearance confirms this. She grew up always being made to feel inferior to her older brother, usually being ignored in favor of him, and it's bred a complex need for validation in her. Her values and strengths are more like Kinzo’s than her brother’s, and Kinzo recognizes this in the wake of Krauss’ disappearance.

basically he concocts this really wild scheme where eva has to pretend to be his oldest son and marry this girl or whatever so he can seal this stupid gold deal and she’s like “well lol if i get to be family heir” and hes like “yes that’s what im saying” and shes like “awesome let’s do it”

all of the servants are in on it too of course. specifically kinzo enlists SAYO who works there as normal staff and isn’t otherwise tangled into this family’s mess in any way whatsoever. she’s just here to serve tea and looks. anyway he’s like “you work on this with eva--i mean evan, my son, you must have misheard--and eva you have to listen to whatever yasuda says” and eva is like “that last part will not be frustrating for me at all”.

Yasuda as reigning Household Gender Presentation Expert is like “i think i just got orders from the master to bully eva?” and eva is like “i wish i could fire you but my dad just banned me from doing that” and then gradually...over the course of the project......they become....friends.........

(the au is tagged eva & sayo for a reason. they become FRIENDS!!)

mostly its just various combinations of shkanon dunking on eva and its all VERY good.

during all these shenanigans we make some startling realizations like “gender euphoria is a hell of a drug” and stuff, which is extremely harrowing for everyone (note: not for everyone. just for eva, who makes 10,000 realizations every day, and should not have been counted.)

(ok sidenote did anyone else put on their first binder & go like “hmmm. i live here now” because. mood. im projecting entirely into this fic)

Gender Clown Car yasuda (currently as lion) is like “you know there’s like more than 2 genders” and eva’s like “you fucking wehat”.

i also make a REALLY INVOLVED JOKE ABOUT CASTIGLIONI GOLD, THE RIVAL COMPANY, and how BEATRICE’S KID LOOKS A LOT LIKE LION, and EVERYONE thinks this is all VERY funny

(i would like to see it. also kinzo owes beatrice castiglioni $20 and she’s never let him forget it.)

now wrapped up in this stupid impostor scheme AND full of big wild nonbinary energy AND!! WITH AN INFURIATING NEW FRIEND!! IN THE STAFF!!! this one funky ushiromiya is all ready to get in on an arranged marriage or whatever. provided NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT that they’re faking it and replacing the Actual Heir, which would no doubt ruin the scheme AND bring kinzo’s wrath on everybody involved, of course.

-

AKIKAZE NATSUHI IS READY TO PUNCH HER FIANCE IN THE THROAT IF HE EVEN LOOKS AT HER but she understands what’s happening here. she knows she didn’t have a say in this from the very beginning. that the deal was sealed for her as soon as the name “ushiromiya” was said. she knows her family married her off quick in a bid to get rid of her. if she’s humiliated by this ordeal, she is far too proud to show it. she packs her bags and walks into the mansion with her head held high........and immediately has this exchange with her fiance

and this one

so that’s kind of the energy we’re going for with these two.

(natsuhi’s line in the second cap was going to be removed for being Way Too Intense, but everyone i talked to said it was too hot to cut, so i decided to indulge us all. blame the lesbians)

they IMMEDIATELY don’t get along but they kinda agree to like, mind their business, since neither of them are interested in playing house here. if they can get the wedding to go off without a hitch they can basically go back to never talking to each other again.

natsuhi’s entire angle here is essentially: her family was not that good, and this family likely won’t be better, BUT here she has a chance to build something new for herself. she’ll be out of her parents’ house. She needs this deal to stay for her own sake, but she has to get out ahead of her husband and set up a dynamic that favors her. when she meets evan she essentially gauges the kind of person she’s dealing with and picks her approach accordingly: this is not a soft man, and she has to be hard in turn to avoid being steamrolled.

and its VERY hot

anyway some stuff happens and it eventually they both sorta get each other’s secrets. eva is not the firstborn son and natsuhi is not the card kinzo thought he was pulling from her family’s hand and theyre both toast if word hits the public. directly after the wedding they establish a tense alliance of keeping each others’ secrets....

and then they.....fall...in l

there’s some fun tensions and realizations. eva is like “so im quickly catching on that no praise i ever received from dad was on my own merit and he’s kind of a dirtbag all around and his validation is kind of not worth it” and nat is like “word our parents are chains” & they run kinzo over with the down w cis bus. it’s fine. they get postcards from krauss sometimes. he has a motorbike now.

DID I MENTION THE PRACTICE KISSING

BC THEY HAVE TO PRACTICE! FOR THE!! PUBLIC WEDDING!!!!

and thats mwot i guess. it’s my au where natsuhi’s accent color is red and some other stuff happens too. happy pride month

[shimayufanfiction]

The Spring of Love

prompt: how [Shimon] interacts with Sayo when they're alone with each other other than the angsty background she has

Universe: Sousei no Onmyouji (manga) / “The Purity of Red Seems To Be White”

Pairing: Shimon x Mayura

Rated K+

Author: lovingtimetravelexpert

Originally posted in the One-shot collection “A Flight towards our Future”

The Spring of Love

"How long is it going to take?"

Ikaruga Shimon, Heavenly Commander since almost five years, didn't fear much. There were only a few times, he remembered, having ever been scared. Being a level-headed person he was proud to be unshaken by most things. But now...

Now, he was scared and anxious about failing.

Thinking about it, the first time Shimon had ever been scared to death, had been, when he was actually facing his own, believing, he would never return to reality and see his foster-family again. He had been saved by Amawaka Seigen back then, who from this day onward became his idol.

The second time he was scared to his bones, had been when he nearly lost his little sister, Ikaruga Sayo. He had shook in fear for her life as he'd tried to heal the deep wound Hijimaru had caused on her. Never before and never after had he been so close to loose his reason, his faith and will with the threat of his sister's life. He could have lost everything back then. But thanks to Enmadou Rokuro his sister was saved and so was his reason to go on.

Then there had been the time he nearly lost her. Fear had clutched him in a lethal grip as he came closer and closer to the idea of loosing her forever, of not being able to tell her, what she meant to him, not being able to tell her, he was sorry for ignoring her. Not being able to see her awe-inspiring smile again.

The moment Mayura was saved, had been his salvation. And now that he thought about it, it had led up to today. Not only had he admitted his feelings in their full range to himself. The day she smiled again at him had be the start of something new. And he had never turned back. He had stopped denying his feelings for her and instead had waited for the day to tell her about them. Back then he hadn't known it was coming sooner than he would have hoped for.

And it was fine now. Shimon had managed to go through all these events without a crack. He had regained his composure like he did every time. He had focused on being an exorcist, a brother, a son and a friend.

But as he faced now an unknown challenge, he started to see, that not only life threatening situations can make you scared.

"Relax, Ni ni-sama. It has to cool down now," Chiiko told him as they both watched over the result of their day's hard work.

For hours Shimon had tried to make an enjoyable sample of white chocolate pralines with her help. Never would he have imagined, that melting chocolate could be such a difficult task. And he now wished, he had chosen another plan for a nice gift on White Day.

The first patch had been ruined, when they had directly burned the chocolate, not stirring the chocolate enough.

After throwing away the stinking mass and clearing up the bowl, they had again tried to melt white chocolate. Luckily they had bought more than two kilograms of white chocolate bars because they were newbies on the melting chocolate issue.

The second time they had stirred the bowl too much. The boiling water had swept over the rim of the pot swimming in the water, as Shimon swung the whisk in quick waves.

Unsure of what to do, they had looked at each other in surprise for a moment. Chiiko then had told him to stir the chocolate again and that the water may dissolve in steam.

Unfortunately, it didn't. Instead, as he'd continued to stir, the chocolate had formed itself into a hard clump. When he lifted the whisk a much more darkened, yellowish and sticky lump stuck to it.

Chiiko had stared looked at him accusingly, as if he had anything to do with it, standing next to him like a commander of a mission squad with her hands stemmed into her hips.

How did the chocolate end up like this anyway?

On third try, everything had looked well. They had complimented themselves for not screwing up again. There hadn't been much chocolate left to melt anyway.

Content with their work, they'd filled the chocolate into small heart shaped hollows of a pink silicon form – something Chiiko had insisted on since Mayura had given him a large heart as well. He would have preferred the normal round ones but Chiiko had been obstinate about it.

After waiting for the chocolate to turn cold and taking it out of their form, Shimon had appreciated their work with satisfaction. He had thought, she was going to like it and that he had nothing to worry about. But he had been wrong.

Clueless of his looming doom, he had looked forward to today's date with Mayura. He had replaced the hideous, dotted apron – he should not do everything Chiiko forced him to – and the comfortable clothes beneath with something more suitable for a date.

Just when he had put his glasses back on after he had slipped a black pullover over his head, Chiiko's sudden scream had made him flinch with fear.

Running towards the direction from where the scream was emitted, he had run into the kitchen of the Ikaruga main estate. He hadn't been the only person who came running to save her.

Standing in the kitchen servants and family members all must have wondered about her looking with a slightly depressed gaze at a pile of small chocolate hearts. Small white chocolate hearts that had a white, frizzy coating around them, almost looking like mold.

Shocked he had shifted his gaze onto her again, after he detected the reason for her sudden outburst. "Why do they look like this?"

She had looked up at him with tears in her eyes, looking so small in front of the kitchen isle standing on a stool to watch over the chocolate, dressed in a blue yukata (1). "I don't know."

"Shimon-sama, Sayo-sama, may I give you an advice on the chocolate?" Kaede, an old, nice lady and loyal servant, had asked. (2)

Shimon had looked at Chiiko again. Their gazes had met over the shameful result of their work. They both had believed they could manage something as easy as melting chocolate alone. But in that moment they had to admit, they had failed.

"You may," Shimon had nodded at the good old Kaede.

"Don't heat the chocolate too much. It will look like it does now, if you do."

"Oh. I didn't know that," a small blush rose to his cheeks, as he had been forced to accept his failure in preparing himself for the task. He should have known better and should have informed himself not only about melting chocolate beforehand but on possible negative results, too. "Thank you."

After everyone left the room, Chiiko and him had continued to work on a forth patch. Slowly melting the chocolate with less heat this time, it had taken a large a long while until it was ready to be poured into the form.

In comparison to the three earlier patches, this one was rather small because they hadn't had much chocolate left to melt.

And it just wouldn't cool down while he ran out of time now.

With his hands buried in the pockets of his trousers, Shimon looked at the clock on the kitchen's wall. It was almost 4 pm. She was coming soon. And he would surely disappoint her.

Now he wondered, if it haven't his best of ideas to return the favor she did him on Valentine's Day. Maybe he should have stuck to his first idea of giving her one of his bonsai plants. But that had seemed too easy since they were already there.

Or perhaps he should have just bought something again like he did for her birthday. But when she had handed him the big chocolate heart, he had felt deeply moved because she had gone through the trouble of making it herself.

He had wanted to repay her for her kind and considerate gift.

A gift that not only was heart-felt but also had tasted like heaven.

Now that he thought of it: Was it lame he was going to give her self-made chocolate as a present? But it was traditional to give chocolate back, right? And she wouldn't break up with him because he couldn't give her a proper present, would she? She wasn't that shallow.

In annoyance he clicked his tongue. These thoughts wouldn't get him anywhere. He should have just bought something instead of making himself feel anxious about something simple like this.

"Can't it cool down faster?" He looked at the liquid chocolate in the form reflecting the light from the lamp over the stove with a solid gaze.

"It won't, even if you stare at it," Chiiko watched him with a small smirk, while she knelt on the wooden stool being almost eye to eye with him.

He sighed still feeling anxious about giving Mayura a form full of white chocolate hearts. Fifteen chocolate heart that currently refused to cool down.

"Stop looking so serious, Ni ni-sama. I'm sure, she'll like it." Chiiko looked at him with a sweet smile, that automatically pulled at the corners of his lips. His sweet, little sister was always full of hope.

"You two have been here all day," a third voice joined the conversation. Keiji, wearing a white, spotless shirt, walked into the kitchen and looked at Chiiko and him; and at the chocolate sitting on top of the kitchen isle between them. He then cheerfully blinked an eye at Shimon. "You really want to impress her, don't you?"

"Probably not with this." Shimon bestowed another gaze at the product of their hard work all day and was bitterly disappointment. Mayura and him were celebrating their first White Day as a couple and he was ruining it by handing her over next to nothing, a handful of white chocolate hearts that hopefully weren't ruined this time.

Keiji followed his gaze and lifted his eyebrow, smiling nicely. "I am sure she will appreciate it, after I tell her you fussed about it all day."

Hell no. Of course Keiji wouldn't shy away from the option of teasing him. With a low voice Shimon tried to take some damage control. "Could you just not tell her?"

Chiiko giggled, leaning over the kitchen isle with her face leaned on her hands. A smile bloomed on her face as she watched over the chocolate. "I am glad Ni ni-sama found someone he would something like this for. That's why I kept a careful eye on him making the chocolate."

Again Shimon looked at the result of their attempts to make chocolate hearts but restrained himself on making a comment on it. Her words weren't the best solution to stop Keiji's teasing but he was still thankful Chiiko seemed to be on his side and wouldn't join her eldest brother's teasing. Also he knew, that Chiiko was truly glad he and Mayura had found each other. In the morning hours of the day he fully embraced his feelings for the first time, she had told him, what it truly meant for her. It had been a confession, that had choked him with tears."Thank you Chiiko."

"I can't wait for the day, they'll marry," she exclaimed with a dreamy smile.

Wait. What now?

Marry? His face felt like burning up while he tried not to imagine, how it would be to marry Mayura. They have been dating for only half a year now. "Oi! Don't say things like that."

Obviously ignoring him, Chiiko continued her wishful thinking with that bright smile still being eminent on her face. "But you would have to marry on the Ikaruga estate so Chiiko (3) can be there. Okay Ni ni-sama?"

Keiji laughed at Chiiko and sat down on a stool opposite of her. "Considering how Shimon works, it might take a long while for him to propose."

Why did he have to suffer through this? When he had started dating Mayura, he had believed his siblings would stop teasing him since he openly admitted his feelings for Mayura. Now they have seemed to find a new reason to tease him. With his cheeks feeling like they were on fire, he tried to stay focused and calm – at least on the outside. He retrieved his hands from the pockets of his trousers as he rose them in defeat. "Please stop."

Chiiko looked at Keiji with a warm smile. "I pray every day for Aizen Myoo (4) to make it quick."

"You do what?" Shocked Shimon stared at her. She had told him once she would pray to Aizen Myoo when Shimon had left to meet Mayura, before they were actually dating. But that had been months ago. He wondered how long she prayed for them to get married.

Keiji's face broke into a bright smile while he looked at Chiiko and pointedly ignored Shimon's shocked state. "Maybe I should start praying, too. Who knows? Maybe we'll get to attend their wedding in the course of this year."

Seriously what was wrong with having normal siblings that didn't love to poke at his vulnerable spots and embarrassing him? "Are you two ignoring me on purpose?"

Chiiko rose her head and leaned towards Keiji. "That would be so great! I can imagine Mayu would be looking so beautiful on their wedding day."

It didn't help, that Shimon had an easy time imagining it, too. A satin kimono in soft colors embracing her form prettily and her eyes shining with happiness like a sea reflecting the sun.

His heart fluttered at picturing her like that and he had to suppress the goofy smile that wanted to form itself on his face.

With a gaze at the clock he wondered, if he had time to retrieve his headphones to listen to something, that would clear his head again, while his siblings discussed his hypothetical wedding day. But there wasn't.

"What are you talking about?" Her voice suddenly reached his eyes from somewhere behind him.

His anxiety about handing her the gift was totally gone, when the reason for it was standing behind him. But the anxiety didn't just disappear but left fear as its substitute. While he was afraid before, he was now fighting the panic rising within him thanks to the knowledge that the present was still unfinished.

Oddly he remembered now the fourth time he had been utterly scared. It had been when Mayura decided to tell her father about their relationship and insisted on him being there, too. Well, it had been rather Mayura telling – mumbling – the news to Seigen-san than him. Being frightened – terrified – about his former teachers reaction, he had been frozen to the spot. He hadn't moved a muscle trying to endure Seigen-san glaring daggers at him.

Now he felt very similar to that day.

He knew it was silly and foolish to feel like this but he couldn't help himself.

What was it with the Amawakas wielding so much power over him?

Shimon looked at his siblings in a silent plea with his back still facing Mayura.

Keiji directly jumped to his rescue, rising from the stool and walking towards her. "Mayura-chan, good to see you. You look pretty, a true compliment to the eye. No wonder, my little brother couldn't wait to see you all day as he fussed over his White Day's gift for you." Or not.

Slowly Shimon turned around. There she stood in front of his brother. Keiji's compliment had been insufficient in capturing her whole beauty. She looked soft and fresh, dressed in a white pullover over a light yellow skirt and matching stockings. Her soft blonde hair reflected the sunlight coming through the window. The blue sea eyes of her eyes shined. She reminded him of a sunny morning in spring.

When her eyes skipped away from his brother over to him, her eyes brightened bathing him in happiness. A radiant smile appeared on her lips and her cheeks grew a small tint of red intensifying the lovely picture from before. "Hi."

Even after all these months they had been dating, he couldn't believe this was a gaze, she only held for him.

Dumbfounded he looked at the beauty in front of him. How could he even think about handing her something simple as chocolate?

"Hello Mayu." Chiiko said from behind him in a loud voice. "Ni ni-sama, won't you say something?"

His little sister was right. He should say something and stop staring at her. This turned out to become a serious problem of his. "Ah. Yes, hi. Who let you in?"

Mayura looked taken aback, the very moment he realized, how it must have sounded. With a knitted eyebrow she mustered him. "A servant. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." He looked at her for a while, ashamed of having sounded rude. He grabbed onto the little composure he had left in him putting on a solid face.

Nobody talked for a few seconds. The mood was started to grow thick, when Keiji cleared his throat to get some attention. "I think Sayo and me shall better leave you two alone now." Shimon looked over his shoulder and watched him walk to Chiiko and holding a hand out to her. "Come on Sayo. Let's go."

"But I wanna see, what happens," Chiiko complained sulking.

Keiji bowed to her and said with a smile. "If you don't leave them for themselves, your wish might never come true."

Realization crossed her face. "You're right." Taking Keiji's hand she jumped of the stool with a smile. She turned around towards Mayura and him and winked at them. "Later Mayu! Later Ni ni-sama!"

Both his siblings went off quickly and it was only him and Mayura now standing in front of each other in the kitchen of the Ikaruga main house.

Shimon sighed. The noises had exponentially lessened with his nosy siblings being gone. Now he was left alone with Mayura and the silence.

Looking at her, he saw her smiling again. "What's Sayo-chan's wish?"

"Uh. Never mind." His face started to feel warm again as he pushed against the rising picture of her in a wedding kimono in his head. It was way too soon to think about things like that.

Her face turned bore a suspicious look now as she slightly frowned at him. "Okay then." Having said that her former expression changed again. A lovely smile formed onto her face. "I wish you a happy White Day, Shimon."

"Happy White Day. I actually have something for-" He turned around and looked at the form resting on top of the kitchen isle. The chocolate still looked to soft. This was embarrassing. "Actually, I'm not sure."

"About what?" She blinked her eyes at him.

He felt like fidgeting. But he wouldn't let it overcome him. Burying his hands into the pockets of his trousers, he skipped his gaze away from her. "It's stupid."

"Tell me about it?" Mayura leaned her head to the side to get his attention and looked at him from under her eyelashes.

For a moment he wondered, if she knew, it was a gaze that would disarm him in a split of a second. He sighed and grabbed the silicone form. It budged in his hands, a obvious proof, the chocolate was still soft and elastic. "I wanted to make white chocolate for you. But this is the result-"

She softly looked at the pink silicon form with shining white chocolate in his hands. "It looks nice."

Of course she was being polite and kind because it was in her nature but Shimon knew this unfinished gift wasn't a proper one for their first White Day. "Don't say things like that. I know, this isn't the present you hoped for."

Her soft gaze grew hard as she looked at him like a parent would scolding her child and waved a finger in front of him. "First of all, I didn't come here to get a present but to be with you," Her eyes turned kind and lovely again, "and secondly I love it."

"You do?"

She softly giggled. "I do. I know you cannot cook, Shimon. And if you actually managed to make this, it is proof enough you worked hard on it."

Shimon smiled at her in gratitude. Every inch of anxiety and fear that had filled him moments before was now gone. He was truly grateful, she liked it.

With a voice filled with tenderness she added, "Thank you, Shimon for going through the trouble."

"Thank you, too, for accepting this as a present at all," he replied.

A soft laugh left her. "Wanna share?"

His gaze skipped down onto the not even half solid mass in the form. "It's gonna take a while until it's finished."

"I don't mind it not being hard. How about we use spoons?"

Nodding in agreement, he handed her the form with the fifteen chocolate hearts to get two spoons.

When he turned around to her again, his heart literally stopped beating for a second. He watched her dipping a finger into the melted chocolate and rising it to her lips to suck on it.

Clenched his fingers into fists, he tried to control the sudden storm of raging emotions within him. Most of them were inappropriate and making him feel very uncomfortable right now.

Never before had a girl evoked such feelings inside of him. Until Mayura stumbled into his life, these kind of feelings, which were eating away his composure, had been unknown to him.

"Mmmhh... I like it when it's melted," she lightly murmured.

Was she trying to kill him?

Probably it was just Mayura being Mayura. His beautiful and innocent Mayura, that had no idea about her effect on the male part of humanity.

Yet, that knowledge didn't help him from barely escaping an heart-attack. Neither did it help him chasing away the emotions, she had awoken in him.

"Do you want to eat it here or shall we go somewhere else?"

She seemed to be oblivious to his inner struggles. Another thing he was grateful for.

Regaining some of his self-control, he recalled a part of the plan he had originally devised for this day. "I thought about going outside. The weather's nice today."

Sitting down on the veranda surrounding the main house, they watched over the gardens of the Ikaruga estate. The beginning of spring painted the growing grass in a light green, flowers rose again in the wake of a new life and the trees were decorated with young leaves starting their journey.

The soothing scent of flowers and grass surrounded them. In comfortable silence they shared the sweet white chocolate, that had now turned into a creamy texture.

It wasn't bad at all. The white chocolate tasted nicely. But in his head Shimon already devised a plan on what he would give her as a gift next time that wouldn't end into a catastrophe.

"You know, this would be a nice tradition," Mayura said gently, pulling him out of his planning.

"Hm?"

"For White Day. Sitting on the veranda, eating white melted chocolate." A small smile grazed her face as she looked over the gardens.

He returned her soft smile. "At least I know how to melt it without burning now."

She laughed, warmly and honestly.

Stupefied he looked at her in awe. His heart beat fast in his chest as he watched her laughing. She was so beautiful. When she laughed her whole face lit up.

With a short nod he leaned towards her. His hand rose to trace her chin to tilt her head.

His lips begged to kiss her and he followed their command when she leaned into him.

She tasted like white chocolate. Making kissing her even more sweetly.

Slowly he brushed his lips against her's. A soft sigh left her, opening up for him.

Tracing her lips with his tongue, his heart started to race.

Slowly exploring her mouth, he scooted closer. She welcomed him by deepening the kiss accompanied with a sigh.

His nerves started to tingle. Warmth spread through him as he was lost to her kiss.

When he felt her fingers gripping hard into his shoulder, he carefully started to back away. They were both new on this field, handling these unfamiliar sensations for the first time. He didn't want them to take it to far too fast, too soon.

A low mumble escaped her, when he shifted away to make room between them again.

With his heart still thundering in his chest, he readjusted his glasses which had slipped down his nose a little bit.

He looked at her just in time to see her fluttering her eyes open and watched the beautiful sea of her eyes being flooded by a storm of emotion, pulling at his heart strings.

Would he ever stop falling for her?

He already missed the feeling of her lips moving against his.

Being in love made him feel like a fool, but at least he was a happy one. "Sounds like a nice tradition."

(1) Yukata - a simple form of a kimono worn by women

(2) Kaede - my first OC because I needed one for this scene. I am sorry!^^

(3) Chiiko sometimes calls herself by her own name. It's a childish form to speak about oneself in the Japanese language (at least it is used by childish characters as far as I know!^^)

(4) Aizen Myoo - a Wisdom king (third kind of deity in Buddhism) known to transform earthly desires, love and lust, into spiritual awakening. Sayo prayed for Aizen Myoo when Shimon and Mayura went on their not-a-date in Chapter 10 of "The Purity of White Seems To Be Red"

[yasuda-yoshiya]

Hm, I think this part is hitting me a bit stronger than it used to, and it might be partly down to the new translation putting a clearer emphasis on it (I'm not exactly sure how it was before, but I'm pretty sure the specific phrasing of "the shell called Shannon" wasn't quite so strong), but...

I guess I feel like this gives me a little more understanding of why Yasu's relationship with George might have been important to her; George does kind of get to the heart of her issues here more than I would have expected him to, and although from his perspective I think that understanding is kind of incidental and aimed mostly at directing Shannon's story in the way that best fits his own narrative, I can also definitely see why Yasu would have valued having someone who would say these kinds of things to her as well. Yasu has always been someone who tries to cover up and talk herself out of her loneliness and dissatisfaction with her life, and to find ways of telling herself that she's okay with where she is and that she shouldn't expect anything more - and that gets emphasised all the more in EP2, where Shannon is led to break the shrine mirror because she can't bear the thought of her days repeating the same way forever; "In the past, tomorrows were like a mirror to me. The person I am now was always projected there. It was a tomorrow absolutely no different from today." And at the time her relationship with George first started, she was just coming away from the pain of having had to give up on the one person who'd promised to help her to get away from that hollow existence - having to try and resign herself again to not expecting anything to come and change her position or break her out of that status quo.

With that in mind, for her to then be faced with someone who actually seems to see through that apparent resignation, who tells her that her life could be more than that, that she could be more than "Shannon" - who, when she expresses that detached acceptance and contentment with her position, is willing to deny that and actively challenge her on it...

Well, it's easy to see why she would have reacted strongly to that, right? This particular discussion is only taking place on the day of the crime, of course, but it's also pretty clear in context that they've had interactions along these lines before, and we see some of that in their flashback sequences in EP2 as well. Being able to see herself as part of George's "dream" isn't just about giving Yasu the chance for a future, a chance to get out of where she is - it's also about letting her admit to herself that what she has now is unsatisfying and not enough in the first place, and I think that's important. And, I mean, Yasu knows that already herself, of course - otherwise she wouldn't have been clinging so hard on to the hope that Battler would take her away, and she wouldn't have been considering the idea of leaving her old life behind by becoming a new person as Kanon - but since she is someone who naturally struggles with doubting herself and the validity of her feelings and her "right" to hope for anything better, I think it would have meant a lot to have someone else voice those feelings for her as well, and to let her know that it's okay to feel that way, to want more than what she has. We see at the start of EP2 that Shannon was first drawn to George because of how he picked up on her discomfort at being placed in an awkward position, and how he made an effort to smooth things over and divert the conversation to let her get away from that - and that's basically rooted in the same issue, that Yasu felt that someone had seen past her politely smiling facade as "Shannon" and picked up on how she was actually feeling beneath that, and seen that as worth considering and wanted to help. And through that lens, I think I can also better see how George's ambition and clear picture of his future was appealing to Yasu as well; as someone who feels aimless and lacking a sense of direction and finds it hard to imagine a future for herself, George's firm vision of a stable future and how he meant to achieve it would have offered a lot of security, but also...I think his sense of ambition would have been kind of inspiring to her in the sense that it let her feel like she could strive to build a better life for herself too, and sort of gave her permission to try and aspire to that, even.

Maybe that's all just kind of stating the obvious, but I think viewing Yasu's investment in George in those terms is sort of helping to clarify it better for me, at least - and I think it helps me to see the "Sayo" persona in relation to George as a little more of an authentic and genuine expression of Yasu, as well, in the sense of getting a clearer picture of how George might have genuinely impacted her positively in some ways and how her relationship with him does tie into her trying to address her core issues of feeling trapped by her daily existence and not having her suffering noticed or understood. I can believe that she's genuinely grateful when she says that "without George's admonishments, she would have continued pretending not to notice as her life slipped away".

But in a way, that just makes this crap even worse.

Prior to finding out the truth about her body, I can see that Yasu might have felt genuinely understood and empowered by George's recognition of her unhappiness and assurance that she could be more than what she was. I can see that their wishes and their dreams could well have been compatible to an extent; I think Yasu would still have had to give up a lot of herself to stay in a relationship with George in the long term, but at that time when Kanon's feelings were much less developed and she didn't yet consider herself "furniture", I can see how she could have felt genuinely positive about the prospect in some ways as well, and how he could have provided her with a valuable space to admit her dissatisfaction and to feel like she didn't have to keep playing the role of being quietly content with being alone and neglected and unnoticed by everyone around her forever. But finding out about being furniture changes all that. The cruel irony is that while the relationship might have once started as a safe space to acknowledge her real feelings about her position and feel like she doesn't have to nod along and smile and pretend she's okay with things when she really isn't, it ended up turning into just another place where she has to do that, but even worse. George's constant talk of their future as a family together might have been somewhat comforting at one point, but now it's just something else that she has to pretend she's fine with because she can't express otherwise. And because that's the only state we ever really get to see their relationship in, it's no wonder that any genuine positive and optimistic feeling Yasu might once have felt about it has been largely overshadowed by fear and anxiety and the need to "play along" with a role she knows she can't actually fulfill.

What really upsets me about these scenes - in every episode - is that Yasu repeatedly tries to get across that something is wrong to George specifically by speaking in that same passively resigned way that she speaks about being perfectly happy on the island and how she doesn’t need any more than that. "I couldn't accept your request to call you George-san as a promise; I can only accept if you order me, because I'm furniture. I can't accept your ring because furniture doesn't deserve it. But I suppose I'll have to take it if it's an order, because I'm furniture." It's easy to imagine that when she's saying all this, in her heart of hearts, she's actually hoping for him to deny and challenge what she's saying, just like he does when she talks about being content with her life as a servant. To look past that apparent contentment with being nothing more than "furniture who has to obey orders", and tell her she's more than that, that it's wrong and messed up for her to see herself that way, to reassure her that that's not how he sees her. To give her hope that she can overcome that perception of herself, like he did before.

But he doesn't do that. In fact, every time it comes up, he just validates and reinforces that concept of herself. When she tried to cover up her dissatisfaction with her life on the island, George was happy to engage with that and encourage her to leave, because that was in his best interests too. That's what he wants her to do so that she can be what he wants her to be for him - he challenged Shannon's perception of herself as being stuck being a servant because it stood in the way of her filling the role he wanted her to play in his life. But when the issue with her perception of herself isn't seeing herself as trapped on the island, but just feeling like "furniture" and seeing herself as subhuman and only existing to follow his orders? He's fine with that. That image of her doesn't conflict with how he wants to see her, with what he wants her to be. If anything, it's all the more convenient for him. He's not going to challenge that. On the contrary, he's more than happy to play along with it.

And knowing how Yasu valued him because she thought he saw her for more than "Shannon", knowing how she tried so hard to convince herself - as we saw in her arguments with Kanon and Beato in EP2 - that his love really could be the magic that let her overcome her status as furniture, that he could get past that and see her as human? That just makes his attitude all the more repulsive to me. Because however much he might have talked about how she could be more than Shannon, how she could "break out of her shell", he never actually saw her as anything more than a servant in the ways that really mattered. If he had, her talking about herself like this would bother him. He might not know how to deal with it, but it should register as something that makes him uncomfortable and make him want to dissuade her of that notion, like Jessica evidently did when Kanon started talking that way. But it never did. George may have seen her as being more than a servant in status - but in her actual role as a person? In his mind, she only ever existed to serve his story. He might call her "Sayo", but he never really saw beyond "Shannon".

So, yes, on the whole, I feel like I've gained a better appreciation and understanding of Yasu's investment in George. I feel like I can better understand the emotion behind the idea of their love being important to her, of George and Shannon as a couple being a precious part of her Golden Land too. I can see why she could have believed in it, or wanted to believe in it. But if anything, the more I appreciate and understand that, the more horrible I feel about the actual reality of their relationship, because the gap between what Yasu wanted to see and hope for in George and what was actually there becomes all the more irreconcilable to me. And that's also why I'm never going to be sympathetic to any attempt to frame Yasu's tragedy even slightly in terms of her "not believing enough in George's love for her, not being able to believe that he would accept her". However much Ryukishi himself might have leaned towards pushing that angle at times. Because it's just not borne out in the relationship he actually wrote.

[ramblingsofthegoldenwitch]

Was Kinzo's rape really the worst thing he did to his daughter? I'm aware you already expanded on this topic in a previous ask and I know I'm treading on some thin ice by asking this. However, it seems to me that the way he brought her up was a far worse thing. He lied to her about reality and locked her away. Judging by her conversation with Rosa, that was also what hurt her the most. Though feeling like an zoo animal to be admired can be interpreted as a feeling that the rape contributed to.

I wouldn’t really make a top ten of the horrible things Kinzo did to his daughter...

...but there’s something worth mentioning in regard to Beatrice’s situation.

Beatrice’s situation is horrible and she’s being wronged in many ways but the tricky part is... she’s not aware of it.

She’s kept so ignorant she can’t realize the things that are wrong in her life but we can and so let’s make a list on them by chronological order.

-her existence isn’t registred anywhere

-her father didn’t acknowledge her as a member of the family

-she isn’t told who her parents are (she doesn’t know Kinzo is her father, she just thinks of him as such but evidently doesn’t know the truth and since Kinzo is pushing her mother’s identity on her, evidently he’s not telling her who her mother was)

-she’s kept without parent figures as she’s raised by servants and Kinzo only drops by and refuses to be viewed as her father

-she’s not sent to school... let’s hope she was at least homeschooled but we don’t know about it.

-she’s not allowed to play with people of her age

-she likely wasn’t allowed to make friends (not only people of her age were missing but we know the Ushiromiya do not see servants, apart Genji, as acceptable friend material)

-she wasn’t allowed to choose with whom she wanted to spend her time

-she wasn’t allowed to leave her house

-she wasn’t allowed to choose what to buy for herself

-she wasn’t allowed to know the world outside her house and garden (as in she isn't told what's outside the garden... actually they even lied to her and told her there are wolves... and kept her ignorant of everything else that's in the world)

-she wasn’t allowed to interact with anyone else that weren’t the servants or Kinzo

-she’s raised so ignorant of the outside world that her intellectual maturity was halted and Rosa felt as if Beatrice was younger than her, despite Beatrice being clearly older.

-she had the FANTASY identity of another woman forced upon her (Beatrice Castiglioni wasn’t a witch either)

-she had to submit to the advances of a man she didn’t love and even have sex with him, likely without even being told what sex was or that it has to be consensual and that she should have the option to refuse

-she’s forced to commit incest without even knowing what incest is or that she’s committing it

-we don’t know when advances started. We can only hope they did when Beatrice was at least of legal age to have sex with (in Japan back then this would happen when she was still sickening young).

-she’s made pregnant as Kinzo didn’t even had the decency to take precautions

-likely she wasn’t even explained what her condition was.

-during her pregnancy she’s kept in Kuwadorian, far from a hospital and Nanjo doesn’t spend nine months with her to make sure that, if there were complications, at least a doctor would be there to take care of her.

-Beatrice and Lion don’t bond at all. It’s possible it’s due to Beatrice not quite getting how Lion came to be or to her own condition or to Lion being taken from her and entrusted to the servants. Either way this situation stopped her from forming a healthy bond with her own child.

-she’s lied over and over by everyone around her, her feelings and worries dismissed as nothing important

There’s probably more but I’ll stop here.

All those things are horrible and hurtful and some were a crime even right then... but Beatrice didn’t know that she was being wronged.

Now, emotional pain is a tricky thing.

Beatrice clearly is unhappy and feel something is wrong but... she can’t pinpoint it. She doesn’t know what’s wrong in her life as she knows nothing else but her life and everyone is telling her everything is perfectly normal.

The only thing she can truly understand is that she’s not the Beatrice everyone wants her to be... but everyone else seems to think she is so she’s uneasy on this matter as well.

Beatrice was basically told that she was the one being difficult, that she should be happy, that she shouldn’t feel the way she felt, that she was being childish, in short that she had no right to feel sad... and I can see Beatrice being confused over this, trying to suppress her own pain or to ignore it because... everyone is doing so.

She’s clearly not succesfull but at least she’s numbing it.

Then Rosa comes and let Beatrice know she’s been lied over and over, that her life isn’t the life of a normal person but of an animal in a zoo.

It’s of course terrible for her to discover this, but this affects her greatly because she’s the only thing in which, all of sudden, she has a term of comparison, she can finally say to herself ‘oh, so I was right and there was something wrong in my life, if I feel desperate it’s not a teenager fantasy, I’ve my reason to be and it must be this one, that I’ve been denied contact with the outside world’.

Beatrice thinks that the cause of all her pain is this one and that the solution is to leave the place.

It’s a childish solution as few others as Beatrice is an adult who has no idea how to live outside her ‘sheltered’ life, and that’s putting her whole life in the hands of a teenager who has no idea how to provide her and that ends up making a stupid decision and bring her on a cliff.

Beatrice, poor girl, hoped this would fix everything.

Rosa never let her know the other horrible things that weren’t nornal in her life so Beatrice didn’t quite grasp how she was wronged and therefore directed her pain on the only thing that she knew was wrong, the fact she’d been denied freedom.

Pain of the psychological type is a... ‘funny’ thing as, differently from physical pain, you can’t always pinpoint what truly hurt you but you can be mislead. In Beatrice’s case it’s not so much she was mislead, she just discovered ‘a wound’ and thought it was the only one she had and the only one that hurt.

We can’t really judge what, of the many horrible things that happened to her, hurt her more as she too probably didn’t quite know... or better, maybe she had a vague idea but then she lost track of it when she finally was told that AT LEAST ONE of the things that pained her, was something that she had valid reasons to feel pained at.

So... I can’t really say what pained her more for real. She only had one of those many things that pained her acknowledged as a valid reason for pain and so focused on that.

In a theoretical way, as people react differently, you can assume that Beatrice could be among the rare, rare bunch that would find loss of freedom worse than repeated rape. The probabilities are against this so I wouldn’t bet on this, but it can happen.

What’s tricky here is that Beatrice had no idea that she was raped and that her feelings of not wanting to go through it were valid so we don’t see her expressing them. We see her finally expressing her pain for being trapped, because she finally thought that another type of life was possible and she had it denied to her while being lied over all the way.

To judge if, for her, her lack of freedom was worse than rape we would need to inform her that Kinzo didn’t have any right to force himself upon her. We should make her know that the feelings she felt in that regard were valid and caused by something different than not being allowed to go outside. And then sit down and watch how she takes the news.

But honestly that’s not something I would like to do. It was bad enough to see Sayo having to sit down through one painful truth after the other with them blurring together and hurting them horribly, magnifing the pain and making her wish she never had birth. I don’t feel up watching someone do the same with Beatrice, especially if it’s just to know what hurt her more.

That poor girl went through something horrible and didn’t even fully realize. Maybe it was better this way as, in the situation she was in, she would hardly manage to escape.

[dawntoribio]

This is the first part of the series where I will be talking about my birth and the struggles and positive experiences I’ve had with my family that served as valuable lessons for me to bring as I journey in life.

“By the grace of God, I am what I am.” 1 Corinthians 25:10

THE DAY I WAS BORN

My full name is Dawn Sayo Toribio, and my dad told me that I was named after the Dawn Service at our Church and also after an American Missionary named Dawn who was close with my Mom and my Dad. I was born on February 1, 1999, on Monday at 9 am in the Morning, at Mary Johnston’s Hospital in Tondo Manila.  

MY PARENTS

My Father is Ephraim R. Toribio, and he works as a Senior Pastor of New Century Church, an independent Church in Los Baños, Laguna. While My Mother is Deborah S. Toribio, a Social Worker, and is currently working as the Country Director of Food for the Hungry Philippines.

MY SIBLINGS 

I have two other siblings, an older brother, and a younger sister and I’m a middle child. My older brother is Psalm S. Toribio, and he is already 21 years old. While my younger sister is named Praise S. Toribio, and she is 18 years old.

MY GROWING YEARS

I grew up in the small province of Los Banos in Laguna, and I can say that I had a simple childhood. My dad is a full-time pastor and my mom being involved in community work and is also active in the church as a Sunday school teacher and growing as a Church choir member, I can say that I really grew up in a very Christian family and community, to add to this, our house was situated just at the back of our Church. I was being nurtured with Christian values every day not just at home through our daily devotions but also in school, for I studied in a Christian School during both my elementary and high school years, and ever since I went to school I was already trained through Christian learning and education, It was only during my College years that I went to a Catholic School, but during my almost four-year stay at the university, I can say that nothing much has really changed, it is somehow still the same as I continue to learn spiritually and know more values in which I can use in deepening my faith and strengthening my Christian faith. 

MY EXPERIENCES

As I was growing up, I was surrounded by a lot of people who I can say that had a great influence on my life. I started school when I was 3 years old, and as a very shy child I only got to have a few friends since I don’t usually talk to other kids at school as I was scared that they will try to bully me or something since I somehow had the experience of a boy in my class who always teases me and follows me around everywhere in school, but I was active in singing and dance performances and I will always join and perform during school events and programs. But moving to Manila during my high school years, I was 11 at that time, it opened me to a new environment that somehow brought me out of my comfort zone. I excel more in academics, and I’ve been more active in school extra-curricular activities. Also, I met some people that were a bit too loud for my personality, but I eventually understood how people from different places possess different values and upbringing. Manila is different from Laguna, and I have to accept that. It was difficult at first, as I remember that on my first day in high school I chose to sit at the back and not interact with the kids around me, but eventually, I learned to adjust and love the place where I am and the people I’m with. In high school I’ve gained a lot of friends and experiences and one is that during these years I experienced being courted by some boys which is kind of new for me since I’m very much not open with the idea of love as it is making me cringe and I will try to distance myself from them, and I never really had a crush like other teenage girls do. College came by fast, and I really didn’t have a plan of what course to take, but UST was really my dream school, so it was the only school I took the exam in which is kind of risky. Also, I don’t really remember how I came across Asian Studies, I think it was suggested by someone I know but I was so drawn to the course that it became my first choice and sociology for the second. I was really glad and grateful for the Lord that I got in since it led me to where I am right now. College for me was the most memorable and the most unforgettable since it gave me a glimpse of what the world really is outside of what I think the world is. I gained more friends, who I can say thought me valuable lessons and people who I can really treasure for a lifetime. I also joined different organizations like Chorale and Scarlet. Also, it was during college that I had my first real crush, but unfortunately he doesn’t really know me which is a little funny since I was just a stalker, and I know it’s a little creepy, but he was just so mysterious and the silent-type of guy and I would love to know him better if I had the opportunity, but only as friends of course.  Also, about this love life the youth is always talking about, people sometimes are surprised that I’ve never had an experience of having a boyfriend and will ask me why since both my siblings already had their share of experiences, but It’s more surprising for me that it’s surprising for them because I’m young, I’m 19 and its as if having a boyfriend is a requirement. I think youth nowadays are so drawn to the idea of love and romance and is rushing to be in a relationship, but personally, I value relationships very much that I don’t want to rush on things that are not permanent as I believe it will just be a waste of my time. I really want my first to be the last, so I’m patient enough to wait for the right time God will give me my other half since I know that when that day comes It will be very worth it. I also gave a promise to my parents that I’ll finish my studies first before having a relationship since I want first to give back all their sacrifices for me, even if I know it won’t be enough, I just really want to make them proud and happy. Also, I want first to improve and invest in myself and to really enjoy my freedom before thinking about the responsibilities that come with being committed to someone. It may be something they now consider as “manang”, but I don’t really mind since It’s what I believe that would be best for me. This is just some of my personal experiences, and I can’t wait to experience more as I journey through life.

I can say that I’m truly blessed with the life and the family God has given me. I’m one of those few people who were blessed enough to have that opportunity in knowing God ever since the time I was born, and gradually deepen my relationship with Him as I grow up for I was shaped and influenced by the community and the environment I was in. I even asked my father one time why I wasn’t like those people who have touching stories of a changed life because of God, as they somehow have this kind of epiphany that when they got to meet Jesus, their lives were transformed, but my father told me that I should be more grateful that I don’t have to go through that kind of darkness just to know God and thank the Lord that I was one of those blessed enough to know him earlier in my life, and know as I grow up I’m starting to understand why.

THE STRUGGLES 

However, that kind of life is not always rainbows and sunshine. For me, it still has some of its struggles and downside, especially during my childhood years. Both my parents are working as a part of the community, and as a part of their job and their service to the community is that they also need to consider the well-fare of others, and they have to lend their time for their mission. I sometimes think that it is becoming a struggle for us at some points because My father and my mother’s mission are also both in different places. My mom is working here in Manila, while my dad’s mission and I and my siblings’ life are used to living in Laguna so My mom would have to commute and travel all the way from Manila to Laguna every day which is becoming difficult for her, but she continues to endure. Also sometime in our life, the Church’s struggle is also becoming our struggle and our family has to bear with it since my Dad is the Senior Pastor and it is his duty as a servant of God. Lastly, what I somehow struggled the most was the pressure of always being good since my parents have this certain image as servant leaders. We were expected to always do the same things as them, and it wasn’t really wrong and bad, but the constant pressure of meeting their expectations to not disappoint them is always there so I’m sometimes afraid to make mistakes. But Innocence is a bliss, and as I understand things I’m starting to appreciate more the family that I have even with the constant struggles and problems we are faced with. We became much stronger as a family since God has been with us all through our ups and downs and as I have said we weren’t really a perfect family, but I can say that we are happy and contented and that it is all because of God’s blessings and graces.  

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: 10 Anime to Watch if You Loved 'Yuri!!! On ICE'

The word is out: Yuri!!! On ICE was officially crowned Crunchyroll's Anime of the Year at the Anime Awards. The show’s combination of thoughtful character drama, thrilling performance sequences, and goofy comedy made it a deserved breakout hit. Will there be more? Maybe, but it won’t be for a long time yet. So what can all of us do to occupy ourselves in the meantime? Watch more anime, of course!

  Yuri!!! On ICE was a unique show, but if you loved something about its specific blend of strengths, there are almost certainly more shows out there for you to enjoy. But recommendations are never a one-size-fits-all sort of thing, so I’ll be tackling this one piece at a time. What specifically about Yuri!!! On ICE spoke to you? What sort of show could see yourself enjoying, even if it doesn’t have precisely everything Yuri!!! On ICE? Well, let’s start with the easy ones, and see where we get from there.

  First off, if you loved Yuri!!! On ICE, you probably owe it to yourself to check out some of director Sayo Yamamoto’s other work. Yamamoto has been renowned as a distinctive directorial voice in anime for years now, having even worked as an episode director on esteemed projects like Samurai Champloo and Space Dandy. Her own works exemplify the forward-thinking perspective that made Yuri!!! on ICE so unique, and so my list of recommendations will start right there.

  1) Michiko & Hatchin

Michiko & Hatchin is a rambling road trip starring a lawless woman and her orphan companion, who seek their destinies in a country three steps removed from our own Brazil. If you like Shinichiro Watanabe’s style of episodic adventures (Champloo, Cowboy Bebop), but feel they could probably use a badass heroine topping the bill, it’s very worth a look. Yamamoto herself has described this one as a show she hoped women could come home to after a day of work, cracking a beer and enjoying the show.

  2) The Woman Called Fujiko Mine

Four years after directing Michiko & Hatchin, Yamamoto returned with The Woman Called Fujiko Mine. Though this show takes place in the general Lupin III, master thief universe, it’s both relatively self-contained and very unique in its focus. As the title says, this show turns its eye to Lupin’s eternal femme fatale Fujiko, who is given her own rich story in Yamamoto’s capable hands. Couple that with the show’s gorgeous art design, and you’ve got another series that’s definitely worth checking out.

Before I move on from Yamamoto, I should mention that her highlights aren’t just limited to the full series she’s directed. Yamamoto preceded Yuri!!! On ICE with the clear stylistic predecessor Endless Night, a beautiful skating-focused short from the Animator Expo program. She’s also renowned for her work on show ending songs, having directed the endings for shows like Attack on Titan, Space Dandy, and Rage of Bahamut: Genesis. Yuri!!! On ICE’s tight schedule and breakneck pacing didn’t even necessarily allow all of Yamamoto’s strengths to shine, so I’d definitely give her other work a chance.

    But of course, shows are more than just their creators. While Yamamoto has directed some very exciting productions, if you’re looking for something that feels like Yuri!!! On ICE, you might have to look elsewhere. The thrill of competition, the camaraderie of a broad cast, the fundamental optimism of pushing beyond yourself to succeed—all of those things are fundamental to sports dramas like Yuri!!! On ICE. And fortunately, Yuri!!! On ICE actually hits us during something of a sports anime renaissance, where we have a wide variety of recent sports hits to choose from. As far as those go, check out the next recommendations (in no particular order).

  3) Haikyuu!!

Starting off our sports roundup, Haikyuu!! offers a satisfying and reasonably grounded take on high school volleyball. Featuring some terrific animation and a wide, likeable cast, it just recently finished up its third season. It’s light, fun, and brimming with energy. Even if Yuri!!! On ICE made you fall in love with figure skating, you might want to leave a little time in your schedule for volleyball after this one.

  4) Cross Game

Cross Game sadly isn’t available streaming, but is still widely in manga form. As a personal fan, I had to include this one in my list - a story about grief, family, and the competitions that bring us together, it’s one of my absolute favorite manga. Focusing on a pitching prodigy and the team that rises around him, Cross Game offers a more sensitive and character-focused approach to sports stories, following its cast as they grow from children into young adults.

5) Kuroko’s Basketball

At the more sports-as-superpowers end of the genre, there’s the intense and often beautifully directed Kuroko’s Basketball. There are no overt romantic relationships in this one, but Kuroko’s Basketball is still deeply invested in the internal worlds of its characters, and the relationships that form between them. Plus, who doesn’t like shows about characters with basketball teleportation magic?

  6) Ping Pong the Animation

Finally, the tremendous Ping Pong the Animation brings a unique visual sensibility and terrific character writing together to offer one of the strongest shows in any genre. Starring a dynamic cast of young talents, it both celebrates what makes them unique and also examines the fundamental nature of competition. Every competitor has their own style and reasons for playing, and Ping Pong brings all of its heroes to life.

7) Free!

I’d frankly be negligent in my duties if I moved on from sports shows without mentioning Free! Free! is actually a less dedicated sports drama than those picks above, and more of a slice of life/drama blend, but it’s still funny and beautifully animated and full of cute boys. Definitely worth a look if you’re seeking something a little lighter.

Of course, Yuri!!! On ICE wasn’t just a thrilling sports show - it was also a mature and satisfying romance, a queer drama with a very thoughtful approach to its cast. If you’re looking for more shows like that, I’ve got a few picks that are just the thing!

8) Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu

Focusing on a few artists practicing Japanese theater across the twentieth century, Rakugo presents a striking story of passion, legacy, and awakening to your own sexuality. Performers find identity and redemption on the stage, all while weathering a Shakespearian hurricane of tragedy and personal sacrifice. It’s sensitively written and beautifully directed, and its second season is airing right now.

9) Wandering Son

Wandering Son tends to show up on any list of LGBT-focused anime, and for good reason. The show is a beautifully intimate story of two adolescents coming to terms with their gender identities. Featuring another great ensemble cast and a warm, almost watercolor-styled visual aesthetic, it’s a sensitive and often heartwarming production. Wandering Son embraces the complexity and validity of our sometimes contradictory feelings, celebrating the value of every member of its charming cast.

  10) Yurikuma Arashi

If you know Kunihiko Ikuhara, this one’s probably not surprising - he directed the standout adolescent drama Revolutionary Girl Utena, and all of his works are rich in visual metaphor and social commentary. His latest show is actually his most direct, though that doesn’t make it any less exciting. Yurikuma Arashi tackles the realities of same-sex oppression, portraying not just the difficulty of being yourself in a hostile society, but also the various ways we all become servants of such systems. And it does this all through the wonderful framing device of... predatory lesbian bears.

  From ice skating champions to lesbian bears seems like quite a trip, but there are all sorts of things to draw from our favorites. I hope some of these shows sound appealing to you, and please sound off with any of your own recommendations in the comments!

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Nick Creamer has been writing about cartoons for too many years now, and is always ready to cry about Madoka. You can find more of his work at his blog Wrong Every Time, or follow him on Twitter.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[ramblingsofthegoldenwitch]

Was there a reason ever given as to why Kumasawa and Genji never told anyone about Kinzo raping his daughter?

Well,

they techinically told someone, that someone being Sayo, but I guess you mean the police or someone who could stop Kinzo, right?

No, they never gave the reason.

My guess, based on Umineko and other Japanese media is that the servants in families like the Ushiromiya aren’t just people who work there, but property that has to be subservient and loyal.

In another story I read the young master raped multiple times a servant. An older servant was sorry for the younger servant but, when confronted on the topic she excused herself claiming she was just a servant and therefore couldn’t do nothing and that the master had also raped her, in a manner that basically implied ‘yeah, it’s horrible this happened to us but they’re the masters and they can do this to us and we can solely obey’.

We see a bit of this mentality in Umineko, where for Genji the perfect servant is like furniture, an object at his master’s service, where Natsuhi can hire as a maid a child of supposedly six and can tell Sayo she won’t be allowed to eat or rest until she had finished cleaning the WHOLE HALL on her own.

(Natsuhi) "Then perhaps you should aim to do a truly thorough cleaning. Shannon, I order you to clean the reception hall right now. It is an important hall, where several pictures treasured by the Head are displayed, and where honored guests of the Ushiromiya family are welcomed. Clean it thoroughly, so that not a speck of dust remains, and so that even you are satisfied. Of course, you will finish before the day is out. Until you finish that and report it to me, you will not be permitted any food or rest. Understood?"(Shannon) " ...Y-Yes, Oku-sama."(Natsuhi) "That is good. Servants should endeavor to only use those words. The next time you talk back, your punishment will be even more severe, so with that in mind, engrave these words in your heart."(Shannon) "Yes, ...Oku-sama. ...Thank you for your guidance."(Natsuhi) "You are welcome." [EP 2]

We can assume that Japanese readers wouldn’t need explanations because they would know how a servant would act/react.

Yes, it’s depressing. But now, let’s look at something that’s even more depressing.

What would have happened if someone had tried reporting what was going on between Kinzo and Beatrice?

First of all they couldn’t prove she was his daughter as Beatrice’s birth isn’t registred anywhere.

Umineko takes place in 1986. Beatrice died 19 years before so around 1967.

Highly accurate genetic paternity testing became a possibility in the 1960s, but I’m not sure this happened in Japan as well and anyway as they were basically something new probably no one would think at using it and I’m not even sure Beatrice could go and ask for one to prove that Kinzo was her father.

The most they could do was to claim Kinzo is keeping a woman with no documents proving her identity and who might or might not be his daughter, in his island in a pretty house... to which Kinzo can reply he’s doing it out of the kindness of his heart as she’s a poor orphan.

The docoments? Oh, ops, he was so sure there were some... maybe they got lost?

Now... the rape. In present time it’s hard enough to persuade a jury that if a woman is kicking and screaming ‘no’ she’s not playing hard to get, she’s being raped. In 1967 it was very likely much harder, especially considering that, although Beatrice likely didn’t agree, I doubt Kinzo ‘forced her’ as in ‘he took her while she was kicking and screaming’. More likely he told her ‘do this and that’ or ‘just stay put and take part to my magic rite’ and although she didn’t like it she complied out of obedience. As ignorant as she was she probably didn’t even knew what she was forced into was sex, or that she was being raped. We know that what Kinzo did was still rape because, although she likely obeyed, she had no idea what she was consenting at, what he was doing to her. In this she was mostly like a child.

However... how hard it would be to persuade a 1967 jury? Or a police officer for the matter?

Last but not least, Kinzo is a filthy rich, filthy powerful guy. Not only the police would think twice before trying to blame him, but he can likely buy everyone in Japan so as to get away without troubles and, at the same time, completely ruin the life of whoever had accused him.

After all the Ushiromiya had no problems to hide how Natsuhi murdered a maid.

So, I find horrible that no one had reported what was going on with Beatrice, but I think the servants didn’t do it due to the mind setting of the time, and that even if they had tried, more likely they would have accomplished nothing.

Which is terrible, really.