#of course it's more complicated than that

[autolenaphilia]

The actual problem with terf ideology/rhetoric in queer and feminist spaces

Part 1: actually defining the problem

The thing about "terf ideology and rhetoric" is that it is actually an extremely widespread problem among queer people. Like the transandrobros say that constantly, and taken literally, they are completely correct. The problem is that they don't know what terf ideology and rhetoric actually is (or pretend not to), and are actually extremely guilty of it themselves.

The transandrobros use "terf ideology/rhetoric" to refer to transfems doing basic feminism and talking about patriarchy and misogyny. They occasionally use "baeddel" or "tirf" when they acknowledge that transfems are doing it, saying we're doing "terfism but for transfems" as if that is a thing that could exist. That's because functionally, terfism is cis women using their cis privilege to give a feminist ideological justification to the genocide of transfems, transfems have no transfem privilege to do the same to other marginalized groups.

Of course, that's because the transandrophobia people because of their own transmisogyny deny the transmisogyny of terf ideology, and have no definition of terf beyond "feminist that i dislike", or terf ideology beyond "man-hating feminism."

And of course, things are bit more complicated than that.

To put it simply, terfism is not talking about misogyny, that's basic feminism, but talking about misogyny as "sex-based oppression." It is a feminism that accepts patriarchal society's reification of the two sexes as an unchangeable natural biological fact, and views it as the origin of patriarchy. This type of feminist ideology is called cultural feminism, and from that naturally comes transmisogyny. Trans women are because of this bio-essentialism by definition "biologically male", and not real female women, thus can't experience real misogyny that comes from having a womb, but merely gender-based oppression from being gender non-conforming males.

(Historian Alice Echols who popularized the term cultural feminism made a distinction between it and the US-american radical feminism of the late 60s and early 70s which rejected the sex binary, but even in Echols history of US second-wave feminism, more or less everyone who has called themselves radical feminists since 1973 are cultural feminists, a movement which grew out of and replaced the original radical feminism)

And while open terfs or "gender critical radical feminists" have the most obvious, most virulent, most openly genocidal form of this ideology, this kind of thinking is ubiquitous in a softer form even among ostensibly trans-accepting feminists and tme queer people. Cultural feminism took over western feminism in the early 70s, and hasn't let go since.

Outside the openly GC spaces, it has of course been softened to accept that "trans women are women", but it's an empty slogan. The underlying bio-essentialism is preserved by a distinction between sex and gender, where sex is natural, real, unchangeable and biological, whereas gender is socially constructed and thus fake and non-material. So they accept that trans women can be "gendered" women, but we are forever "biologically male", and thus less real women than "biologically female" cis women.

(in reality,biological sex is just society's ideas about gender made into a bio-truth, and the "gender-critical feminists" are actually hard-core "genderists" themselves, they just reify their ideas of gender as biological and natural)

And this translates into practice. For this kind of ally, trans women's social acceptance as women is always dependent on good feminine behavior, while cis women's womanhood is natural and in-contestable. The tme self-described "transfem ally" is always prepared to accept the womanhood of the ideal trans woman in their head, but actual flesh-and-blood transfems who have human flaws and that most unfeminine quality of having a backbone is a different story. These transfems are systematically rejected from tme-dominated social settings as rude, male socialized, perverted and sexually predatory, one after another. These tme allies will reject the terf caricatures about transfems as a false generalization, but continue to apply them to every transfem that displeases them.

That's because transmisogyny is ubiquitous in society, and what cultural feminism/terfism does is present society's conventional view of sex/gender, and the transmisogyny that comes with it, in feminist terms. It's the same things fascists and religious conservatives believe but put in a way that appeals to liberal/leftist tme people. Most tme people have to work to unlearn their transmisogyny and bio-essentialism, and it's just easier to keep believing what you were taught as a child, but believing yourself to be a trans-accepting progressive or radical.

Part 2: the transandrobros on tumblr

The transandrophobia crowd here are no different. Their beliefs about transandrophobia are revealed to be the old terfy beliefs about "sex-based oppression", about how "afab people" because of their biological sex have a deeper experience of oppression and especially misogyny than transfems have. Like the leading transandrophobia bloggers here have openly repeated their belief in sex-based oppression as, i have chronicled on this blog before.

This kind of unexamined transmisogynist bio-essentialism is the real root of their opposition to transmisogyny theory, and to transfems talking about the misogyny we experience. Fundamentally they don't believe we are the victims of misogyny.

Their push to make transfems talking about basic feminism "dangerous terf rhetoric" is" effectively is a form of projection. Defining terfism as simply "man-hating" acts as cover for their own terf ideology and rhetoric. It enables MRA-style rhetoric about man-hating feminists to function in conjunction with an insidious transmisogynistic bio-essentialist feminism.

It's of course somewhat contradictory, but reactionary ideologies seldom are 100% coherent. And it's rooted not in logical thought, but in the desire of the transandrobros to always be the innocent victim. So transfems are mean to them by being man-hating radfems, but also they are being mean by using their male privilege to talk over real wombyn talking about their experiences of misogynistic oppression, often at the same time.

This is them rhetorically fusing " the worst associations of men and women in TMA people and the best associations of both men and women in TME trans people." to quote this excellent essay. The transandrobro gets to be the rational male standing against the screaming man-hating feminist harpy, and also the innocent woman screamed at by an aggressive male, all at the same time. Talking about the patriarchy is evil misandry oppressing them, but also a denial of the misogyny they experience. None of it makes sense, but it doesn't have to.

Part 3: a transandrophobia truther gives us the perfect example

As an example, i'm gonna give you some screenshots, all from the same blog.

(Image id: screenshot of a tumblr post reading

"OMFG no way you are saying trans men are less affected by misoginy than trans women, no fucking way.

I guess now trans men are not treated as disordered, mentally ill women. I guess now trans men are not affected by abortion bans, rape, reproductive healthcare issues, infantilization, etc.

Do you hear yourself?!?!?!

Are you trying to ignore the material reality of our bodies and the effects agab has on a person's life???? What is this soulgender crap?

Just because trans women are women and trans men are men doesn't mean trans women are treated as women and trans men are men have you ever been in this world??? I don't give a fuck about people's gender affirmation if they are pushing to ignore the material reality that affects us and from where our issues come from.")

Notice the use of actual terf terminology, like "soulgender", or the laughable misuse of "material reality" that probably made Marx spin even more in his grave. This is the standard terf narrative that transfems very existence are erasing the oppression of real wombyn, our fake claims of womanhood and experiencing misogyny are erasing biological reality.

The post even outright claims trans women are treated as men and have male privilege. And when called out on this, the blogger became even more blatant:

(Image ID: screenshot of a tumblr post reading "Me saying that trans women do not experience the same kind or ammount of misoginy as women is not me saying that they are not women, it's me acknowledging that they are a specific subset of woman with a unique experience.")

Notice the not-so subtle misgendering in separating trans women from women in this screenshot. Yet when replying to a post that correctly said that "... going to trans women's posts to harass them and crying about misandry and eyeing every feminist statement with suspicion truly is just misogyny 101 and has to stop", the same fucking blogger criticized them in the following terms:

(image id: screenshot a tumblr post reading: "It's the literal terf and radfem rethoric or men bad and dangerous women good and pure that leads to the hatred against trans women in the first place. It's what causes so many trans men and transmascs to have trouble with their transition because they are constantly being told how all masculine traits are undesireable and worse than feminine traits.")

See what I mean about transandrobros defining terf/radfem ideology as just "man-hating" to hide your own very radfem-esque transmisogyny. Defining transmisogyny as rooted in hatred against men instead of misogyny is just more not-so-subtle misgendering. The idea is trans women are not women, so any oppression we experience is not misogyny, but a men's issue.

[whymakedecisions]

Oh absolutely agree the Jedi were not just as bad as the Sith. Palpatine was significantly worse than most Jedi by a long shot.

That said, the Jedi still had flaws, and I think it's interesting to note how those may have impacted the narrative. The nuanced places are the ones I find the most enjoyable. So, we know the Jedi were heavily inspired by the Bene Gesserit and Mentats from Dune. These are groups that were based on the idea of absolute control, and intense emotional regulation. While Lucas was clearly trying to make the Jedi a more kind version of that (no eugenics), he both kept some darker aspects and left out some more accurate ones.

While the Jedi taught emotional regulation, it did sometimes manifested in the form of repression. Yoda's speech of "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate...etc" does not come across as teaching someone to acknowledge and then move past their emotions. It reads like someone telling you "don't be angry," which is part of the issue there. Anger is healthy. Anger can be healing. Fear can save your life. Acknowledge them, but don't be controlled by them. I think we are shown most Jedi to believe this, but not all of them hot the message.

True, younglings are taken with parental consent. However, I think it's worth noting how the Jedi being one of the most powerful and widely recognized groups played into that. Essentially, we are viewing a cultural norm. This is, essentially, a net neutral to be judged on a case by case basis. The potential for abuse is there, which means it probably did happen at some point, but most cases seem healthy.

The Jedi absolutely did not hold people against their will. Ahsoka leaving as a child proves this. It of course, worth noting the societal pressures that would incentiveize a person against leaving their entire social sphere and everything they've ever known. We see this in deconversions today. It's a hard thing to do, even if you get to physically stay. I'd be curious to see that element explored some.

Tldr: Yeah, the Jedi are generally the good guys, but there's also some gray areas that lead to nuance and complications. I find those areas particularly interesting from a narrative point of view and worth exploring.

Repeat after me:

The Jedi taught emotional control, not repression.

The Jedi took kids with parental consent, they did not kidnap them.

The Jedi did not hold people against their will, they could leave the Order at any time.

The Jedi were not "just as bad" as the Sith.

[lxgentlefolkcomic]

First page || Previous page || Next page

Start reading Episode 1

Dialogue transcripts:

Panel 1 Mina:  Incredible!  How did you know we would need such a thing, Mr. Griffin?

Panel 2 Griffin:  I didn’t; I thought that unless I wanted to be dependent on the goodwill of strangers all my life— Arthur:  Strangers indeed! Griffin:  Yes, yes, of course I’m grateful, but I thought I ought to try for something that may actually earn me money. So I thought of semaphore and lanterns and whatnot, and all the blasted fog…

Panel 3 Jack:  Can this one be used?  It looks unfinished.   Griffin:  I haven’t finished the casing; it’s a prototype, a touch more complicated than the other.  You have to be careful of the wires—

Panel 4 Griffin: …Maybe I’d best run this one.  Though only if I get to be in a ship I can’t fall out of.

Panel 5 Griffin: You’re sharp, Mrs. Harker—could you man the other? Mina: I’d be honored!

Panel 6 Irene: From past experience, I must ask: do you know Morse code, Griffin? Griffin: I, er…not well, no. Perhaps someone else might tell me what to enter? And take down messages received, I suppose…

Panel 7 Mina: Jonathan also knows Morse code quite well. But that means separating again… Griffin: Don’t worry about that. I’ll make sure he gets back safe.

[snowysosturn]

Fire & Desire - Matt Sturniolo Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Pairing: Y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary: Y/n has always clashed with Matt. Despite working for Chris’s clothing brand and being close with Nick, her relationship with Matt has always been tense at best. While being forced to be around each other more, their animosity turns into something deeper. Can they overcome their differences, or will their fiery emotions tear them apart?

Warnings: MDNI, angst, tension, suggestive, arguing

Matt shrugged casually, “Nothing. We just thought there was a delivery at the door.” his voice steady to make it seem convincing.

I felt relief wash over me, thankful for the cover, it would save me having to explain to everyone that my toxic ex just randomly appeared at their house. The calmness in Matt’s response seemed to diffuse the curiosity hanging in the air.

Chris nodded, his suspicion easing, though he didn’t look entirely convinced. “Oh I’m not expecting a delivery just yet anyway.”

Nick interrupted, gesturing toward Nate. “Hey, by the way, since we didn’t really get a chance last time, this is Nate.”

Nate stepped forward, extending a hand with an easy smile. “Nice to meet you, properly this time.”

I shook his hand in return, flashing a polite smile. “Yeah last time was a little rushed.”

“Oh that’s on me!” Nate admitted with a chuckle. “I was half out the door when we met. Hopefully, this time’s better.”

Nate had an effortless charm about him, different from Chris’s boisterous energy, Nick’s sharp wit and Matt’s cold nature.

The group started settling on the couch living room. Nick clapped his hands together, like he had a lightbulb moment. “You know what? We should do a games night tonight. Something fun before you two head off to Vegas. I’ll call Madi, she’s always up for a games night.”

I’d gotten to know Madi pretty well by now, it was a nice feeling to know I'd have another girl around, even if only for a little while. I told myself it could be a good tension breaker, especially with Nate staying under the same roof for the next few days.

“That sounds fun!” Nate chimed in, leaning back against the kitchen counter. “Games are cool and all, but how about we make it interesting? A few drinks maybe?”

Nick grinned. “Now you’re talking!”

Chris chuckled, shaking his head. “Of course, you’d suggest drinking.”

“I’ll go grab the party essentials.” I offered before the conversation could go too far off the rails. “Snacks, drinks, whatever we need. Might as well make myself useful.” I offered since I was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed, maybe a shopping trip would clear my head a bit.

Chris glanced over at me. “You sure? I can go with you if you want.”

I waved him off. “It’s fine don’t worry. You guys can stay here and have a catch up.”

“Alright” Matt muttered, his tone neutral but his gaze lingering on me for a moment longer than necessary.

As I grabbed my bag and slipped on my shoes as I ordered an Uber. This could be a fun night, I felt a mix of anticipation and curiosity about how it would all play out.

Once I got to Walmart, I grabbed a shopping cart and started with the priority - spirits.

I picked up a variety of alcohol, vodka, rum, tequila, and even a bottle of apple sourz. I thought it would be a good idea to pick up a crate of beet too, better to have too much than not enough. Next, I searched for the snacks, tossing in bags of pretzels, 2 tubes of Pringles, chocolate, donuts, and a few other random items that caught my eye. 

I wandered into the games aisle, scanning the shelves for something fun but not too complicated. I grabbed 5 Second Rule and Twister and added them to the cart. I debated on picking up Monopoly, but I know Nick refuses to play it with Matt.

As I made my way to the checkout, I felt a little lighter. The morning had been intense, maybe tonight was exactly what I needed.

The day passed in a blur of light tasks and lingering thoughts. Madi arrived and her presence immediately shifted the energy in the house. She had this way of making everything feel easy, and it was a relief to have another girl around for a change.

We set up around the kitchen table, where I laid the drinks and snacks out. Nate slid into the chair next to me, his friendly and easy going demeanor making me feel comfortable despite everything that had happened in recent days. He was effortlessly charming, asking questions about working with Chris and making jokes that had me genuinely laughing.

Chris and Matt stood nearby, chatting quietly. Chris was his usual goofy self, but Matt's mood still felt frosty. He wasn’t ignoring me exactly, but his responses were clipped, his energy distant. So more or less, Matt was acting normal toward me. I tried not to let it bother me. They’d be leaving for Vegas tomorrow, and maybe some space would be good, for both of us.

“I’m keeping it light tonight” Chris said, pouring himself a splash of whiskey on the rocks. “Don’t wanna hit Vegas hungover.”

“Speak for yourself” Nate chimed in with a grin as he stood and walked to the counter, taking a shot of tequila. “This is a warm up for Hawaii.”

Matt chuckled as he shook his head watching Nate take the shot. “I’m good with a few. Got enough chaos waiting for us tomorrow.”

I couldn’t help but think of Chris and Matt navigating the madness of Vegas together. It suited Chris, but Matt? He didn’t seem like the Vegas type. Yet something about imagining him there, relaxed and out of this usual, guarded demeanor, was kinda intriguing.

“Guess that means more for us!” I said, raising my glass to Madi and Nick.

"Alright, enough standing around. Let’s play a game. How about 5 Second Rule? Haven’t played that in ages.” Chris stated, his energy already setting the tone for the night.

Madi cheered in agreement, while Nate gave a nod. "Sounds good, but I’m giving you all a warning, I’m competitive."

“Oh, we know” Chris teased, pulling the game box off the counter and setting it on the kitchen table. "'Mon, everyone grab a seat."

I settled into my chair next to Nate while Matt reluctantly took a spot across from me. Madi next to him with Chris and Nick at each end of the table.

“Alright, rules are simple” Nick said, shuffling the cards. “I’ll read a prompt, and you’ve got five seconds to name three things in the category. If you don’t you lose your turn.”

“Got it” we all replied, almost in unison.

Chris smirked. “Perfect. Let’s see who embarrasses themselves first. I’ll start it off.” He glanced at Madi as he picked up a card. “Name three pizza toppings. Go!”

Madi’s face lit up. “Pepperoni, mushrooms, pineapple!”

Nick slapped the timer just as the last word left her mouth. “Alright, she’s safe. Nate, your turn. Name three sports where you use a ball.”

Nate leaned back, his confidence showing. “Football, basketball, baseball. Easy.”

Nick rolled his eyes as the timer dinged. “Alright, you’re not impressing anyone. Your turn, Y/n.”

I straightened up, bracing myself as Nate read the card this time. “Name three things you’d find in a bathroom.”

“Toothpaste, shampoo, towels” I rattled off quickly, relieved as the timer buzzed right after. “But none of them are mine since I have to keep my things in my room.” I say playfully, my eyes boring into Matt, alluding to the whole bathroom fiasco. He turned away from me rolling his eyes in response.

Chris grinned mischievously as he shuffled the cards, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Alright, how about we make up our own prompts, let’s make this interesting."

Madi raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Interesting how?"

"You’ll see.." Chris said, leaning forward as he glanced at Nate. "Alright, Nate, you’re up. Name three places you’ve made out in that aren’t a bedroom."

Nate chuckled, completely unfazed. "A car, a beach, a supply closet."

Madi gasped dramatically. "A supply closet?!"

"I mean I havent, not.. yet." Nate replied with a shrug as the timer dinged.

Chris cackled and turned to Madi. "Your turn. Name three things you wouldn’t want your parents to find in your room."

Madi’s cheeks flushed, but she grinned. "A vibrator, weed, and.. And uhhhh–" She paused as the timer buzzed, then groaned. "Fuck! That was tough."

"You were doing so well" Chris teased, shaking his head before turning to me.

"Alright, Y/n. Name three reasons someone might get kicked out of a party."

I hesitated for a second before rattling off, "Throwing up, starting a fight, hooking up with the host’s ex!"

Everyone burst into laughter as the timer buzzed.

Matt smirked across the table, his first sign of amusement all night. "Hooking up with the host’s ex? That sounded specific."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the heat in my cheeks. "It’s just a hypothetical, alright? Your turn, Matt."

Chris scrunched his eyebrows as he thought of a prompt for Matt. "Oh, I’ve got one for you. Name three ways to flirt without talking. "

Matt raised an eyebrow, completely unfazed. "Eye contact, smirking, and-" He paused just long enough for the timer to buzz, then shrugged.

"Come on, you couldn’t think of a third one?" Nick said, laughing.

Matt’s eyes flicked toward me briefly, his smirk lingering. "Maybe I didn’t want to give away all my secrets."

The comment hung in the air for a second, and I quickly looked away, taking a sip of my drink.

"Alright, my turn to stir the pot" Madi announced, turning to look at Chris. "Name three things you’ve lied to a girl about."

Chris groaned but didn’t hesitate. "My age, my job, and.. uh, my feelings."

The table erupted in laughter, and Chris shrugged shamelessly. "What can I say? Gotta keep them guessing."

The game continued, each question more daring and ridiculous than the last, until the room was filled with laughter and empty glasses. It was chaotic, messy, and a little too revealing, but somehow, it was the most fun I’d had in ages.

The vodka lemonade in my hand felt heavier as I swirled it around aimlessly, trying to focus on the game instead of the slight tipsy feeling in my head. Nate was leaning back in his chair, clearly more drunk than anyone else, and grinned mischievously. "Alright, let’s make this more interesting. Truth or dare, spin the bottle style. If you refuse a dare you have to take a shot!"

Madi gasped, laughing as she reached for her drink. "Oh no, this is about to get messyyyyy."

"Messy’s the point" Nate laughed.

“Okayyyy this is my cue to go to bed!” Chris announces as he stands to push his chair in, disappearing downstairs to his room.

Nate rubbed his hands together like a cartoon villain before he spun the bottle, it landing on Nick. “I’ll go with dare to kick this game off properly!” Nick laughed.

“Alright I dare you to down your drink and take a shot straight after, since you’re all for kicking this off the right way!” Nate laughs.

Nick groaned but complied, downing the remainder of his drink and wincing as he followed it with a shot of tequila. "You’re the worst, Nate" he said, coughing slightly, but the group fell in to laughter.

The bottle spun again, this time landing on Matt. His jaw tensed slightly, but he leaned back, looking relaxed. "Dare" he said, his voice calm.

Nick jumped at the opportunity. "I dare you to let someone send a risky text off your phone."

Matt’s eyes narrowed, and he hesitated for a second before shrugging. "Fine, whatever. Who’s doing it?"

Nick’s grin widened as he turned to me. "Y/n."

I blinked, caught off guard. "Me? Are you sure?"

"Oh absolutely" Nick said, sliding Matt’s phone across the table toward me. "You’ve got the perfect touch for this."

Matt gave me a pointed look, his lips twitching slightly in what might’ve been amusement or annoyance. "Don’t screw it up."

I picked up his phone, without a need to unlock it since he handed it over with no code needed. As I was scrolling through his contacts, a message popped up on the screen, from someone called Christina. "Can’t wait to see you again 😉"

I froze for a second, the words glaring at me. Without thinking, I read it out loud. "Oh, looks like you’ve got a message."

Matt’s head snapped up. "From who?"

I tilted the phone slightly, showing the message. "Christina?"

Nate leaned forward, a smirk playing on his lips. "Wait, is that the Christina you met in Vegas? The one from July?"

Matt shrugged nonchalantly, but his expression tightened ever so slightly. "Yeah, that’s her."

Nate let out a low whistle. "She’s gonna be there again this time, isn’t she?"

Matt nodded, his tone casual. "Probably."

I don’t know why, but a wave of jealousy hit me, sharp and unexpected. My grip on his phone tightened for a second before I forced myself to focus on the dare. "Should I send something to her?" I asked, my voice light but edged with something I hoped wasn’t obvious.

Matt raised an eyebrow, his expression unreadable. "If you want to, go ahead."

The room felt suddenly smaller, the playful atmosphere shifting. I could feel Madi watching me, and Nate was clearly enjoying the tension. I hesitated for a moment, debating if I should actually send a message to this Christina or if I should pick someone else.

"Tick tock Y/n! You’ve got to make a move!" Nick teased. 

I forced a smirk, my fingers hovering over the screen.

I quickly typed out a message to Christina, my fingers working faster than my mind. "Hey me too, you might need to get an STD check this time though.'" I laughed to myself before pressing send.

The moment I handed the phone back to Matt, I tried to mask the sudden fluttering in my stomach. I didn’t meet his eyes, avoiding the tension that hung between us like a thick fog. I didn’t know what I was trying to prove or if I was even making sense, but it felt like something had shifted in the air, something I couldn’t undo now.

As I settled back into my seat, the bottle spun again, and everyone’s eyes fell on me. It stopped, right on me.

Nate grinned devilishly, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Alright, Y/n. Truth or dare?"

I groaned, taking a sip of my drink to avoid eye contact. "Dare" I muttered, already regretting it.

Nate leaned back, his grin widening. "Okay, I dare you to spend seven minutes in heaven with me."

I froze.

The room fell silent for a split second, and I could feel all eyes on me, the weight of their gazes too heavy to ignore. Nate’s smirk was a mixture of playfulness and something more serious, something that made my heart race in a way I wasn’t sure I was ready for.

I glanced over at Matt instinctively, only to see his eyes harden, his expression unreadable. A pit formed in my stomach as I quickly turned away, focusing back on Nate.

"Seven minutes?" I repeated, trying to make it sound casual, but my voice betrayed me, thick with uncertainty.

Nate’s eyes were sparkling with excitement. "Yeah, just a harmless bit of fun. No pressure, you can just take the shot."

I swallowed hard. Seven minutes. A small, stupid game. But something told me this wasn’t just about a silly dare. It felt like more, like I was walking on the edge of something I didn’t know if I was ready for.

But, I couldn’t back out now. Not with everyone watching. And definitely not with Matt’s eyes burning a hole in the side of my head.

"Okay" I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "Seven minutes, lets go."

Nate and I stood and awkwardly walked toward the tiny supply closet across from Matt’s room, gesturing for me to step inside. The space was cramped, with barely enough room to stand between the washing machine and the wall. I hesitated before following him in, increasingly aware of how quiet the hallway had become. Nick close over the door behind us “Okay I’m setting a timer for you seven minutes now!”

I pulled myself up to sit on the washing machine to try and allow more space. Nate stood in close proximity, leaning against the wall, his broad frame making the already tight space feel even smaller.

He noticed my hesitation immediately and raised his hands in mock surrender. "Relax, Y/n. I’m not gonna do anything you don’t want to do" he said, his voice soft and reassuring.

I nodded. "It’s not that. It’s just-”

Nate chuckled, his grin easy and comforting. "Yeah, I get it. We’re cramped in here like sardines. Not exactly romantic, huh? We can just mess with everyone’s heads when we get out. Pretend something wild happened.”

I appreciated his reassurance, but my mind wasn’t fully there. It kept circling back to that text from Christina, to the girl Matt had brought home just the other night. Why was I bothered by these things?

We went back and forth trying to mess with everyones heads for a few minutes, the tension easing with each playful exchange. Nate had this way of making me forget the discomfort of the situation, his charm and humor cutting through the awkwardness like a lifeline.

But as the seconds ticked by, I couldn’t help but feel the weight of the situation creeping back in. Why had I felt so conflicted when Nate dared me? Why had I instinctively looked at Matt? Why was I holding back? Why was I constantly tiptoeing around Matt’s feelings when he barely seemed to care about mine? The way he acted so indifferent toward me, except for those rare moments of kindness that only confused me more. Maybe I was overthinking, but it felt like I was always waiting for some unspoken approval from him.

But why should I?

I turned back to Nate. His expression was calm, patient, and his smile had a boyish charm that was impossible to deny. He leaned casually against the wall, his hands tucked into his pockets like he wasn’t in a cramped laundry closet playing some silly game.

Maybe I needed to stop worrying so much about Matt, about what he thought or didn’t think. He wasn’t the one in front of me right now.

I took a breath, holding eye contact with Nate, my heart racing in a way that had nothing to do with nerves. He raised an eyebrow in surprise but didn’t move, letting me take the lead.

As I tilted my head toward him, ready to close the distance, Nick’s voice rang out from the other side of the door, loud and teasing.

“Alright, lovebirds! Time’s up!”

I froze mid motion, my face heating up in embarrassment as Nate chuckled softly.

“We’ll I guess thats us!” He said playfully.

I leaned back, unable to meet his eyes as he opened the door. The sudden flood of light felt blinding, and the sound of laughter from the others only added to my growing embarrassment.

As we stepped out, I glanced toward the table and immediately caught Matt’s gaze. His expression was unreadable, but there was something in the way his jaw tightened that sent a bit of confusion through me.

“Have fun in there?” Matt asked, his tone neutral but laced with something sharp beneath the surface.

I wanted to say something snarky, but the words got caught in my throat. Instead, I turned my attention to my drink, needing something to steady myself.

Nate slid back into his seat, clearly amused. “Best seven minutes of my life” he joked, earning a round of laughter from Nick and Madi.

But Matt didn’t laugh. And for some reason, that bothered me more than it should.

Nick suggested switching things up, his voice full of mischief. "How about we switch it up, what about Never have I ever?"

Madi immediately perked up, slapping her hands together. "Ooh, yes! That’s always fun!"

The group agreed, and Nick quickly grabbed a fresh round of drinks, refilling everyone’s glasses to ensure the game could properly escalate. I could already tell this was going to get messy.

We all sat in a circle, Nate to my right and Matt now to my left, the energy in the room buzzing with anticipation. Nate nudged me playfully. "Hope you’re ready to spill some secrets" he teased.

I rolled my eyes, taking a sip of my drink just to brace myself. "I’d watch out too if I were you!" I shot back.

Nick took charge of the first round. He leaned back in his chair, clearly enjoying the power of starting the game. “Never have I ever.. kissed someone in this room."

I froze, feeling my face heat up. Nate raised an eyebrow, glancing at me with a smirk, we laughed into eachother knowing we wanted to fuck with everyones heads.

"Someone’s gotta shake things up." Nate laughed.

Madi took the next turn. Never have I ever... hooked up with someone I regretted."

A ripple of tension moved through the group. Nick and Madi both took a sip, Nate chuckling awkwardly.

To my surprise, Matt lifted his glass and drank, his gaze flicking toward me for the briefest second before looking away.

It made me feel strange, but I tried not to deep it, instead, taking another sip of my drink for no reason other than to keep myself occupied.

When it was my turn, I hesitated. Everyone was looking at me expectantly, the pressure to come up with something spicy almost overwhelming.

"Alright. Never have I ever.. led someone on."

The group fell into playful gasps and laughter, but my eyes stayed locked on Matt.

He didn’t flinch. Instead, he picked up his glass and took a slow sip, holding my gaze the entire time. I couldn’t tell if it was a challenge or an admission, but it left me feeling more conflicted than ever.

The tension in the room was thick as ever when it got to Matt’s turn. His face full of mischief. 

"Never have I ever.." he paused for dramatic effect, letting the silence linger just a beat too long, "..had my ex appear at the house I’m staying in, causing a scene."

The words nearly knocked me out. My stomach sank as I stared at him, my drink frozen halfway to my lips. Why the fuck would he say that?

Nick shifted uncomfortably, muttering something under his breath about the game getting too real, but no one really paid him attention.

I felt every set of eyes in the room turn toward me, and heat crept up my neck, both from anger and embarrassment. I didn’t move, didn’t drink, but my hand tightened around the glass in my grip. I felt like everyone was slowly putting the pieces together from this morning.

"What’s the matter, Y/n?" Matt asked, his voice calm but condescending. "Not drinking?"

I finally lowered the glass to the table, meeting his gaze head on. "I’m sorry, are we airing everyone’s dirty laundry now? Or just mine?"

His lips twitched into a smirk, but there was no humor in it. "Just playing the game."

Nate leaned forward, wanting to clear this question. "Alright, let’s not kill the vibe. It’s just a game, right?" He shot Matt a warning look, but Matt didn’t break eye contact with me.

"Right" I said, forcing a smile as I picked up my glass and took a sip. The alcohol burned going down, but it was nothing compared to the fire in my chest.

Madi cleared her throat, clearly trying to cut through the tension. "Okay, let’s move on!" she said, her voice overly chipper. "Um, my turn! Never have I ever.. gone skinny dipping!"

The room tried to recover, laughter breaking out as Nate and Nick both drank, but I barely registered it. My mind was spinning, replaying Matt’s words over and over. Why would he say that? Was he trying to embarrass me? To prove some kind of point? I swallowed the lump in my throat, determined not to let him get to me. If he wanted a reaction, he wasn’t going to get one.

It came back around to my turn, I knew I had an opportunity. I could feel the tension from Matt’s earlier comment still hanging in the air, and I wasn’t about to let him have the last word.  

“Never have I ever.. took a girl home and fucked her multiple times during the night knowing you have a guest in the house who can hear every single bit of it to try and make them feel uncomfortable.”

The room went dead silent.

Every single eye turned to me. Matt’s smirk faltered for the first time all night, his jaw tightening as my words sank in. But I wasn’t backing down. Not after the jab he threw earlier. My gaze stayed locked on Matt, challenging him.

Nick could clearly sense the charged atmosphere but unsure whether to step in. Nate, on the other hand, leaned back in his chair, his hands behind his head as his eyes wide with both amusement and disbelief.

Matt finally broke the silence, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and tilting his head slightly. "Well" he said, his voice smug as ever "if the guest didn’t want to hear anything, maybe they should’ve stayed in their own apartment instead of squatting in mine."

I felt my cheeks flush hot with both anger and embarrassment. "Squatting?" I snapped. "Wow, I didn’t realize letting someone crash because they didn’t have anywhere else to go counted as charity work for you."

Matt shrugged, his gaze burning into me. "Call it what you want. Just saying, the walls go both ways. If you don’t like what you hear, maybe you should get your own place."

"Or maybe" I shot back, "you could show a little respect for the fact that someone else is living here too. But clearly, that’s asking too much."

Nate looked like he wanted to crawl under the table. Madi awkwardly sipped her drink.

"Alright, alright" Nick finally cut in, his hands raised as if to physically push the tension down. "Maybe this game was a bad idea. Let’s just.. take a breather, yeah?"

But I wasn’t done. "No, it’s fine" I said as I stood up, my voice sharp. "Game’s over anyway. Matt’s clearly got all the answers."

I didn’t wait for anyone to respond. I turned on my heel and walked out of the room, my heart pounding as I made my way upstairs.

Behind me, I could hear the muffled sounds of Nick giving out to Matt for how he spoke to me, Madi trying to diffuse the situation. But the only thing I could focus on was the sound of Matt’s voice replaying in my head, over and over again. If Matt wanted a war, he’d just gotten one.

A hot tear streamed down my face as I lay back on my bed. I wasn’t sure where things would take me now, where I could go, how I would get there, if this would affect working with Chris.

But one thing I was sure of was,

I hate Matt Sturniolo.

a/n: when they go low we go LOWER

taglist : @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel  @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @chrisstxrnsaxe @sophand4n4 @vickytaa @marrykisskilled @bxtchboy69 @yourfavsturniologirl @julisturn @sydneyylainn @sophia-77n @trevorsgodmother @sturnslutz @yourmother29 @girl24cherry @astronea @pinkdyit

[linskywords]

2024 HRPF recs

As has become my wont, I spent the last few weeks trying to catch up on some of the new fics in the hockey RPF tag that I missed over the course of the year. I definitely didn't get to everything, or even all of the most popular ones; there may also be a bias towards shorter fics here, as I was trying to get through a lot. 😅 But I hope you enjoy, and possibly find a gem or two that you missed!

First, some general favorites:

Scoring Effects by @helenish (McDrai, 30K): Ah, Helenish. A goddess among us. I love a good mistaken identity story, and this is a GREAT mistaken identity story.

barons by dilangley (MattDrai, 43K): Future fic in which Houston gets its own expansion team, Matthew coaches it, and Leon and Trevor Zegras play on it. Gorgeously done. The Trevor POV section broke me a bit, but it was worth it.

Living Things by @makeit-takeit (TK/Patty, 115K so far): I am so deeply invested in this series. It's very real and vivid-feeling future fic that does an amazingly thoughtful job exploring the NHL wife-and-kids pipeline and what happens when that doesn't fit you as well as you thought it would. The stories that are written so far feel nicely complete, but if you'd rather hold out for the full HEA, you can check out her Wild Ice for a different highlight from the past year.

put the stars in our eyes by @notthequiettype (McDrai, 17K): the McWedding story that I wish I had written. I thought it was going to destroy me, and instead it left me all warm and fuzzy.

Lost and Found by angry_geno_is_score (MattDrai, 2K): angry_geno_is_score had so much to choose from this year, as always, and I loved this as a microcosm of the hurt/comfort they do so well. If you like it, you know where to find more from them!

Next, we move to the irresistible new Sharks babies. I'm not sure I can oversell how hot these three stories managed to be:

come on (leave me breathless) by countthestars @moondoggiestyle (Will/Mack, 10K): I've already talked about how much I loved this one. There can never be too many stories of one player catching the other getting off in the shower, especially if they're as hot as this.

revising the shoreline by ohyellowbird @teex (Will/Mack, 6K): another super well done exploring-their-sexuality-while-not-talking-about-it story, aka my kryptonite.

teamwork makes the dreamwork by canary @bigdogenergy (Will/Mack and Will/Mack/Ryan Leonard, 19K): I'm sure a lot of you have already read this in the last week or so, but I couldn't not recommend it. Mack goes into heat and Will needs an alpha to help him out. Who to call but the ex?

And then we enter the realm of vaguely devastating but gorgeously written JDTZ trade fics:

home by now by donderwolk @donderwolkenblog (Jamie/Trevor, 6K): The moment they found out about the trade, and a little bit after. Brilliant, impeccable, ruinous.

heat check by jolach @hyggles (Jamie/Trevor and also Carts/Richie, 4K): Outsider perspective on Jamie and especially Trevor as they deal with the aftermath of the trade, through the eyes of Mike Richards, who may have some experience in the area. I don't know how anyone writes this well, honestly.

Finally, one of my favorite things about reading through the past year's fics is finding a prolific new author I love who I had totally missed in my year of mostly reading people I'm already subscribed to. This year it was unsay (@tungpin). They seem to have started writing HRPF this year, and they tend toward the kind of complicated sometimes-ambiguous stories that I never manage to write but love to read. Here are a few of my favorites of theirs from this year:

malt (MattDrai, 4K): Leon meets Sasha Barkov and has feelings about how he wants to be more serious than Matthew does (OR DOES HE).

accessory to the rockstar (McDrai, 5K): once again we have Leon having thoughts about how he feels more than the person he's into, this time about Connor. Bittersweet and lovely.

the care and keeping (Jamie/Trevor, 12K): in which Trevor's friends get on Jamie's case about neglecting him post-trade, and Jamie does something about it.

That's it from me, at least for now! I know there were many excellent stories this year I didn't get to, especially the long ones that I just didn't commit to while reading for this list. Perhaps this is the year I do what I've been telling myself to do for the past two years and keep track of what I read and love throughout the year. We can only dream. 😅

Happy reading!!

[lune-moon-nuit]

I completely agree with this analysis, and I must admit that while watching Season 4 and especially discovering the entire Mileven vs. Byler debate online, I was surprised by the lack of reflection about closeted gay men or those who date girls as a way to try, convince themselves, or protect themselves. The main excuse people use is, “Mike is dating El, so he can’t possibly be in love with Will.” And my immediate thought was how Lucas dates Chloé (Isak dates Emma in the original version, if I remember correctly) in Skam.

Quick aside: I watched the original Skam, but I mostly followed Skam France (which is not only very faithful to the original series but was also universally well-received—one of the rare instances where my country got something right, haha). So I’ll probably base my thoughts on the French characters since I remember their scenes and names better. In Skam France, Lucas, while dating Chloé as a cover (without her knowing, of course), delivers a declaration of love that is genuinely adorable and seems real (if you don’t know the context). In fact, his declaration feels more sincere and profound than Mike’s monologue, even though Lucas has only known Chloé for about 2-3 weeks.

Lucas’s (or Isak’s) season perfectly portrays the struggles and complicated emotions of a teenager discovering their sexuality in a heteronormative world, even though they have a safe circle of friends (which includes LGBTQ+ people who can help, listen, and guide them) and access to the internet for research. And that was in the years 2017-2019. So, imagine the far more intense difficulties faced by a teenager living in a rural town in the United States during the 1980s, in the midst of the AIDS crisis, under Reagan—a homophobic and conservative president—where it seems your parents adhere to his ideals. Homophobia was rampant and normalized everywhere. Being gay was seen as a curse and a danger. The worst stereotypes existed out of hatred and ignorance, and disappearing because of hate crimes was all too common. At the time, if you were beaten up for being gay, don’t expect the majority of people to comfort you—they’d congratulate those who attacked you because that was the norm back then.

I genuinely think that people who dismiss the idea of Mike being gay using the excuse that he’s dating El fail to grasp the level of homophobia that existed during that era. I mean… in the 1990s, Dahmer literally relied on the normalized homophobia of the public and the police (as well as racism, but that’s another topic) to commit his crimes more easily without getting caught. And that was a whole decade after Stranger Things, with some moral progress already made. It just shows how far we’ve come, even though it wasn’t that long ago—our parents were alive during that time.

Skam show-runner Julie Andem clocking the fuck out of Mike being queer-coded in s1 of Stranger Things, and then using it as inspiration to queer-code Isak in s3 of Skam can be something so epic.

THIS! THIS is what I'm talking about!

In ST, there are two scenes in s1 (pretty/still pretty) that milkvans use as irrefutable proof that Mike has always had romantic feelings for El, with the primary object in the scene being a mirror.

THIS. MEANS. SOMETHING.

Mirrors in film mean something more often than not, but especially when they are the focus of a scene is when they definitely mean something. And the way they go about it differently in between those two scenes in ST, drastically differently, and considering the subject matter is very very queer coded, is how you really know there is a significance in this case.

And that scene above from Skam proves it.

Because apparently, another filmmaker watched ST, picked up on those odd details surrounding Mike and said shit I'm gonna use that...

Notice how Isak here, a gay teenager who is fully in denial with others and himself, to the point where he makes really homophobic remarks often, gets caught denying a bunch of girls as being attractive in a conversation with his friends. And so now they're questioning him and making him feel on edge bc the focus is on him and his attraction (lack thereof) to girls.

While his friends aren't even implying he is gay in this moment, it's just them genuinely being confused why he doesn't think any of the girls they think are attractive are attractive, you can still see that Isak starts to feel the pressure and so he latches onto the first girl he thinks of, Emma.

Emma just so happens to look like Natalie Portman with her extremely short hair.

Low and behold this very girl enters the room shortly after he says this and so now Isak has to face this and give his friends the impression he is fully interested in this girl, otherwise they would DEFINITELY suspect something is off. And so he goes all out.

He outs himself.

He literally says Don't you look like that boy from Stranger Things, and then follows it up with saying he would only be attracted to her if we're assuming he is attracted to boys, only to quickly backtrack and start to approach her really flirtatiously, then going all out by making out with her.

As this happens, he is kissing her in the bathroom, in front of a mirror...

Now I want to make clear, I am not saying ST was inspired by Skam. I'm pretty sure I did make that clear, it's actually the other way around, which is even more incriminating arguably.

S1 of Stranger Things came out in 2016, whereas s3 of Skam came out the following year in 2017. The hype for ST was so immense, to the point where you had Norwegian teens referencing it in everyday conversation.

The creator of Skam took scenes from ST that framed Mike very peculiarly in s1, and used it as queer-coding for a character that ended up being revealed as gay.

For those that haven't seen Skam Norway... Run. Leap. Drive. Teleport. Do what you have to do and go watch it. It's not available on any streaming, in fact it's only available online through fan-sites outside of where it's based. Conveniently, all 4 seasons with English subs can be found HERE.

Basically this show is amazing and you need to watch it. Some seasons I like more than others. But the gist of it is that every season focuses on a different character from the main group, where they experience some sort of misunderstanding/miscommunication that leads to them being misinformed about certain things, followed by them making mistakes and having doubts, though it tends to end in a way that feels so refreshing compared to what we're used to.

Skam also translates in english to shame, so the idea is that there is an arc surrounding some form of shame every season.

With Isak in particular, he's the focus for s3, though his arc starts to become more clear as early as the end of s1.

Eva, the character in focus for s1, borrows Isak’s phone to call someone, and ends up seeing that there's gay porn in a bunch of his tabs on his browser. Their friend Noora also witnesses this and she ends up being the focus of s2.

Throughout s2, we get even more blatant hints that Isak is gay and in love with his best friend...

So it's established pretty early on throughout the series that Isak is queer and in denial about it, but it isn't until s3 that he himself is able to confront it.

The way they go about this arc, with Isak having unrequited feelings, is exactly how ST would have done it IF Mike hadn't returned Will's feelings.

So if you're looking for more byler proof, go watch this show and see how they don't let Isak pine over his best friend Jonas for more than 2 seasons.

When the story finally puts Isak at the forefront, they give him his own love interest instead of keeping him pining for his friend. It's really pure and amazing and TBH I would have been fine if ST was framed this way, with it being clear from the beginning Isak's feelings were unrequited, and with the other half of the series focusing on him moving on and finding love himself, and also with his best friend and him still being very close.

Although Isak has that queer-coding from the very beginning, with him looking at his friend all fondly, he is still not able to confront any of it. The following season he dates a girl and is a little over the top about it, though we can also see that he is struggling despite not wanting to face it. It isn't until s3 when the story shows us his inner struggle at the forefront, that we see him finally confront it and accept it.

For those that don't know, Skam also loosely inspired the Nick Nelson gay test scene... So we have character that despite showing many signs of being queer, to the point where we know he literally watched gay porn, is still finding himself in a situation where he's taking gay tests 2 years later....

While he might have the knowledge deep down, he was not willing to face it. In fact he was doing everything he could to avoid confronting it.

But then he falls in love and suddenly it's not something he can ignore anymore...

[queeniewithabeanie]

The Dance Teacher

Dpxdc Prompt #7

Despite all of Sam Manson's general dislike of anything her mother forced her into, she actually enjoyed ballet. Which is why even after she thoroughly distanced herself from anything having to do with her family, Sam decided it would be a good idea to start a ballet class.

She, Danny, and Tucker had all ended up at Gotham U, rooming together (obviously). However, turns out cutting off your rich parents is not good for scraping together enough food to feed yourself.

So the three of them all agreed to get part time jobs and there was a ballet studio within walking distance of the university that was hiring. Sam thankfully had managed to convince her new boss to let her teach the adult-and-teen-class rather than the kiddie class.

What she didn't expect was Cassandra Cain-Wayne to walk through the door on the first day she was teaching.

Cass was... what was the word? Having fear about... apprehensive! That was the word she was looking for. Cass was apprehensive about her new ballet class.

She was excited of course, to do something that was fully her choice and something she believed she would enjoy. But... she couldn't always get her words out—weapons don't talk, weapons don't need to speak—the way she wanted to. She knew what she wanted to say and she could sign it just fine, but not everyone knew sign or was patient with her when she tried to speak.

Thankfully those fears were quickly dispelled once she started the class. The teacher, Sam, was a college student and knew sign almost as well as Cass herself! The terms she was using were complicated—they were French apparently, Cass thought English was hard enough. However, Sam explained how to do the moves and most importantly showed them.

As soon as she showed them what she was talking about ballet was clicking for Cass. It was about coordination, strength, and grace. All of which Cass had in spades.

The class was fun, and it helped Cass reclaim a part of herself that she didn't know she had. Now she just had to keep her family from obsessively investigating her teacher, who seemed a little more inhuman than your average gothamite.

[comradeboyhalo]

i find the differences between skephalo and foolhalo so fascinating, because, while they both fundamentally understand bad as a person, skeppy is into it, meanwhile with foolish…well, it’s a bit more complicated than that. 

one of the crowning factors that make landduo so fun is the fact that there’s a degree of unrequitedness to it. foolish is less aggressive towards bad (it’s very rare that foolish bites back in general), whereas bad is more obsessive over foolish. foolish understands bad’s love language, but does he share it? well, he shares an immortal’s moral code - he views death in a more lax light, he misunderstands how other people view amoral actions (see: pac and mike’s kidnapping), and he generally lives his life, like bad, with the acceptance that mortals die quick. and it's in this understanding that we get the quintessential landduo dynamic: they can try to kill each other for all eternity, because that's just how it is. but that is not showing love, for foolish.

we see foolish's idea of romance in the way he treats vegetta. they take on a much more conventional romantic relationship, something that seems rather impossible for bad. foolish cherishes vegetta's gifts, he builds in his honor, they have complete trust in one another. they would never try to kill each other.

meanwhile skeppy? skeppy shares bad’s love language. skeppy routinely kills bad every valentine’s day. skeppy’s favorite hobby is terrorizing bad until he has a mental breakdown. skeppy teamed up with foolish, just to psychologically torture bad.

skeppy takes that foolhalo clash and turns it not into rivalry, but a married couple’s bickering. they'll try to kill each other, yet will also turn on anyone seriously threatening the other. they're both just fully in it together, regardless of anything (unless, of course, there's an evil egg, in which they will kill each other then the world). skeppy is the only one who speaks bad's love language and wholeheartedly reciprocates it to an equal, loving degree. and they're both so open about this, too. they openly will make their devotion to each other clear, all while knowing an argument waits right around the corner.

(and as an aside: this makes it especially hilarious how both bad and skeppy get offended and hurt when the other is mean to them. hypocrites. but it's all part of the dynamic for them).

[ameliathornromance]

The Other Woman - Part 2

A/N: I'm blown away by the support you guys have given me with this part. I want to thank everyone who commented on the first post and gave me feedback! I'm always happy to recieve constructive critisim to make my work better for you all. This part 2 is a little different from how I usually handle part twos, so I hope you guys enjoy!

Link to PT 1

Your eyes itched as you dragged them open the next morning. The tears you shed last night had completely exhausted you by the time you got back to your room in the Palace, you had just flopped into bed without changing, skirts covered in melted icing.

A part of you was glad for it, as you had something to distract yourself from the soreness of heart break in your chest. You had no idea what you were going to do when you headed to court. The King’s personal guard would be there, and as far as you were aware, he hadn’t seen you the previous night.

Which means to him, nothing had gone wrong between the two of you.

You weren’t sure what to do knowing that. You could: A) Pretend nothing is wrong, carry on with this affair like you’d never seen what you had, or B) End things with the Orc and live with the guilt of what you did for the rest of your life.

Option A was just too difficult for you to do. You couldn’t bare the thought of doing something so heartless to that lovely Orc lady who worked in the kitchens. She was too kind to you, and always willing to lend a shoulder when you needed it… She would be a great mother.

So, it looks like option B is the only way to go.

As you finished remaking your bed, a shaky sigh escaped you as you leaned against your mattress, trying to steady yourself to face the day.

Leaving your quarters, you walked through the halls with your head in the clouds, thinking about how exactly you were supposed to end this affair. Would the King’s guard be angry? Upset?

After stewing on it, a wave of indignity washed over you. Really, none of this is your fault, it’s not like you were aware of his marriage. So, why should you be the one to break it off?

Of course, the last thing you wanted was to stay with the Orc, but if anything, he should be the one ending things with you! He was the one who chose to lie to you and hurt you in that way.

But how would you send that message to him? It’s not like you could just tell him what you saw. He might try to convince you to stay with him and you would not be persuaded into doing such a thing.

… Maybe, if you ignored him, he’d get the message and just leave you alone? Then that way, he’d know that you were angry with him and then, he would have no choice but to apologise to you. He’s not a stupid Orc, he should realise sooner or later what you were upset with him about.

But then, how do you regain your dignity as a Lady?

You chewed your lip as you greeted the Queen, apologised for your lateness and then followed her, alongside the other ladies in waiting to the throne room.

Thinking about this anymore would have to wait. You had a job to do as the Queens lady in waiting.

Their excited whispers brought you back down to Earth.

“Do you think that he’s handsome?”

“I don’t know, have you ever seen a forest dweller before?”

“Well no, but that doesn’t mean that he’s not good looking!”

“(Y/N) what do you think?”

“Hm?” You looked over your shoulder at the others. “What are you talking about?”

“You’ve really been all over the place this week haven’t you?” One of the ladies said, “you know we’ve been preparing for the Forest Fae? Well, the Lord of the Forest Fae, is apparently, devilishly handsome. And, he’s not married or in any other kind of commitment with a woman or man!”

Another one of the ladies giggled, “do you think he’s come here looking for someone to marry?”

“Unlikely.” The third lady said, dismissively. “Men of any species love to flounder, even when they’re married. Why make their promiscuity more complicated than it has to be? You agree with me, don’t you (Y/N)?”

You didn’t answer. Due to recent experience, you had no interest in trying to romance a Fae Lord, there was no point in trying to if he was so easily led astray. “All men seemed to be like that.” You said, callously. “Even if he is loyal to those he sleeps with, I’m not looking to marry a Fae Lord.”

“Oh come on (Y/N), don’t pretend you’re not even slightly interested!”

“Ladies,” The Queen shushed and all the other women fell silent. “Gossip is unbecoming of all of you. If any of you wish to become involved with the Lord, I’ve heard he’s not one for those who spread rumours.”

Upon reaching the throne room, all the chattering of the ladies had fallen silent.

The doors to the impressive room opened, the Queen, you and the other ladies in waiting taking their respective places next to their mistress as they waited for the Fae Lord to make his entrance.

Sunlight caught the Queen’s glittering necklace, making you look around in surprise. And infuriatingly, you caught the King’s Guard’s eye. He smiled at you, eyes kind and wide like he was expecting you to return it.

Instead, you whipped your head away from him and locked on the throne room door. Other courtiers bustled around the room, discussing whatever was on the nobles minds at that moment in time.

For now, you would just have to stick to your plan of ignoring him. What else could you do until you could think of something more suitable for vengeance?

Soon, the doors to the throne room opened and the whole room fell silent.

The first few Fae glided in like they were sliding on ice, their ethereal beauty suffocating and snuffing out any other attractive person in the room. There were eight of them, four entering from opposite sides of the doors, who twirled in what looked to be spider web like dresses, their skirts sparkling in the light as they came to a stop, their long blonde hair falling down their backs with an eery gracefulness.

One of the ladies next to you mumbled something about how the Fae were so lucky, but you were so focused on not looking around at the Orc standing beside the King, that you couldn’t hear what the rest of her sentence was about.

After the graceful – and attention stealing – dance, a Fae man, taller than the others you’d seen so far, graced the courts prescence.

His hair was so white you might have thought that he was an old man, if not for his smooth skin untouched by aging. His eyes were deep pools of black that threatened to suck you in and never let you go, while his smile was kind and serene.

The Fae Lord came to a stop a few feet away from the thrones, and bowed his head. “Your Majestys, it is so wonderful to see you all again. I’m so pleased that I could finally make this trip like my father before me.”

“And we are pleased to have you, my Lord.” The King returned. “As it’s your first time staying here at the Palace, we’ve prepared a little celebration in honour of your new position…”

As the King droned on about how he hopes that this will be the new beginning of a fruitful alliance between humans and Fae, yada-ya, a chill went down your spine.

While the King’s announcement had been going in one ear and out the other, you brought yourself back into the room and carefully searched for the source of your discomfort… only to find the Fae Lord, looking directly at you.

You stood a little taller, returning his gaze in an attempt to be polite. When you gave him a polite inclination of the head, his smile widened as the King finished his speech.

“And so, we will have this little ball to welcome you and hope that your stay will be as comfortable as possible.”

“Yes,” the Fae Lord said, airily. “I’m sure it will be.” He turned to look back at the King and inclined his head once again. “I appreciate that the ball isn’t until tonight, and since this is your court, I’d like to ask if I can be a little forward, your Majesty?”

The King frowned, but nodded his head.

“You see, I couldn’t help but notice that lovely lady standing over there,” the Fae Lord pointed at you, “and was wondering if it would be too much for me to ask her for her first dance tonight?”

Your eyes widened.

The other ladies beside you, nudged you in the ribs. “So it was you he was looking at! I was wondering why his eyes were wandering, I thought he was just bored!”

Face burning, your eyes darted to the Queen and in the process, caught sight of the Orcs face.

His nose was scrunched up as he snarled, “awfully cocky, aren’t you?”

The Fae Lord ignored the Orc as he looked at you once again, hands behind his back.

When you looked at the Queen, she smiled at you and jerked her head to the Fae. “Well? You don’t have to ask me for permission, Lady (Y/N).”

All eyes on you, you bit your lip and sucked in a deep breath. Most of all, you could feel the Orc’s eyes baring into the side of your skull, like he was trying to make you face him, daring you to accept the Lord’s offer.

But the image you saw the previous night, flashed through your mind.

Spite leading you, you answered the Fae Lord. “I’ll have my first dance with you, my Lord.” You said, firmly.

The Fae bowed his head to you, “I look forward to it, my Lady.” And with that, he said his goodbyes to the King and Queen before the entire court was dismissed.

The rest of the day went by with a bubbly air, all the ladies sneaking glances and smiles at you as you went about your day.

You, yourself, could hardly believe that you had accepted the dance. It was true, you weren’t interested in romancing this Fae Lord in the slightest… but if it meant that you could piss off the King’s Guard, then you would gladly accept anything else that the Fae Lord had to offer.

After all, it’s not like the Orc could jump in and say that you couldn’t do something, people would get suspicious then.

As soon as the Queen had sent the ladies in waiting to go and prepare for the ball later in the afternoon, they all pounced on you.

“I can’t believe it!” One of them said as they took you by the wrist. “He really asked you, in front of the whole court!”

“It’s just a dance,” you told them all as you made your way back to your apartments. And that was all it would probably be, you told yourself. “It was just formality that I accept him. It would have been an awful start to his stay if I had told him no.”

“But even so, to ask you in front of the entire court!” Another one of the ladies squawked. “He must really like you.”

“We haven’t even formally met.” You said.

“Oh can’t you just be romantic for one minute?!” The first Lady huffed. “I’m imagining a star-crossed lovers romance, where he dramatically proposes to you just before he’s about to leave, flying through the corridors, abandoning his carriage in search of you-”

“Alright.” You said, firmly. “I get it. Well you can have your fantasies all you like.” Once you reached your apartments, you yanked open the door and slammed it shut behind you, locking the other ladies outside.

Sliding to the floor, you pulled your knees to your chest and squeezed. When you’d first started seeing the Orc, all you did was fantasize like that. Dream of running away with him and sharing all sorts of romantic ventures together.

But any kind of desire for that experience had left the moment you saw his wife.

You didn’t want to colour all men with the same brush, but a betrayal like the Orcs, isn’t something that you can just shake off.

And although it gave you the slightest bit of pleasure to know that the Orc was angry with the Fae, you knew you couldn’t allow yourself to get caught up in the romance of it all. He may be the exact same as the King’s Guard for all you knew.

And… you didn’t want to end up hurt again.

Once evening finally did come around and you joined with the other ladies in waiting – who were all too eager to have you be the leader of the group – the ballroom was full of chatter, people drinking and watching couples dance in the centre of the room.

“Oh, he’s not here yet?” Frowned a lady beside you, “don’t worry, he’ll turn up soon I’m sure, most of the other Fae are here. You should sit by the entrance that way, he’ll see you as soon as he enters.”

The suggestion made you want to roll your eyes. While you were going to dance with this Fae, you didn’t want to be seen as desperate for company. Taking a glass of wine from a passing waiter, you decided to hover to the side of the room.

As you sipped on the delicate glass, your eyes scanned the room where you spied the Queen dancing with the King, the other ladies mingling and chatting animatedly with other guests.

You caught yourself glancing at the entrance to the doors a lot. Keeping an eye out for the Fae Lord. You had to keep internally slapping yourself. This was just a means of getting back at the King’s guard.

And perhaps it was because the King’s guard was standing opposite the room, within perfect line of sight of keeping an eye on you that you were eager for the Fae Lord to arrive.

The Orc’s eyes glazed over the room, mostly following the King, but occasionally, he found you.

Anger boiled in your veins as you kept your eyes firmly fixed on the doors to the ballroom.

Even now, the Orc was good at keeping his affection for you a secret.

A part of you wanted to throw the wine glass in your hand at him, just to keep him on edge.

But, before you could put your thoughts into practice, gasps echoed around the room, drawing your attention to the ballroom doors.

The crowd parted as the Fae Lord’s eyes searched the room and found you. His eyes lit up at the sight of you and he passed through the crowd of people, and held a hand out to you. “There you are,” he said, smiling. “What are you doing hiding in the shadows over here? A pretty thing like you shouldn’t be hidden away like this.”

You shook your head as he took a wine glass from a waiter and sipped from it, “do you mind if I have a drink before we dance?”

“No, not at all my Lord.” You replied.

Over his shoulder, you chanced a glance at the Orc, whose eyes were now locked onto you and the Lord.

The Fae spoke, “I’m sorry I didn’t ask for your name first before asking for your dance, my Lady…?”

“(Y/N).” You answered smiling. “Thank you, for asking me for this dance.” You held your hand out to him, which he took and pressed a kiss onto your knuckles. A pleasant chill ran up your arm.

The Fae Lord bowed his head as he took another sip from his glass. “It’s an honour that you accepted. I should be thanking you for not humiliating me in front of all those courtiers.”

You chuckled at that. “I wouldn’t have done that to you, that would’ve been cruel, even if you were being very forward.”

“I just don’t have a care for all of these silly procedures,” the Fae said, waving his free hand around the ballroom. “There’s no point in any of it, I’d have preferred that the King and I just talk about what I’m here for and then to just leave, you know. But, a simple ball isn’t so bad.”

“So, you’d say you’re a simple man?” You asked.

“Completely.” The Fae finished his drink and you rushed to do the same too.

“My Lady, please, don’t do that on my account, we have the whole evening to dance, you can take your time.” He pulled the glass by the stem away from your lips.

You frowned, holding your free hand up to cover your mouth. “But I don’t want to keep you waiting, it would be rude of me to do that.”

With a sly wink, the Fae Lord said in a low whisper, “if I didn’t want to be kept waiting by you, I wouldn’t have asked for your first dance.”

You gave him a suspicious look, to which the Lord replied, “I want to get to know you, (Y/N).”

“Why?” You asked, shortly. “We’ve never even met before.”

The Fae Lord didn’t flinch at your tone. Instead, he searched your eyes. “Because, it seemed as though you were in need of some cheering up.” He said, simply. “And I don’t like seeing people upset.”

With a gentle smile, he patted your shoulder. “Don’t feel like you have to tell me what’s going on right now, after all, we did just meet each other. But whenever you’re ready, I’m here if you want to talk.”

You stared at him. Was he being serious? As you looked into his eyes you could sense no malice, no playfulness or manipulation in his face… Maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad to give this Fae a chance?

Once you’d finished your drink the pair of you took to the dance floor.

And for the next few days, he always made a point of talking to you. At first, it was mundane things, how did you sleep? Did you eat breakfast yet? Before it became more involved questions, like what your family did for business, asked about your other ladies in waiting and if they were doing well.

And gradually, you started to look forward to your little chats and began to ask about him and his life. It turned out he was an only child and took the Lordship after his father had died of some kind of tree associated illness.

He was funny, had a quick wit and was fond of lymerics. He liked the smell of morning dew on grass and the way the forest smelt after a rain storm. Oh, and he enjoyed rum cake.

Your stomach bubbled with excitement every morning now at the prospect of seeing him around the Palace and speaking to him in the evening, the Orc barely even crossed your mind anymore.

Except for when you were on your way to your apartments one time, and the Orc ambushed you from a dark corner of the halls.

“What is with you?” He snarled at you. “You’re completely ignoring me in favour of that pretty Fae man.”

You didn’t spare the Orc a glance and kept walking. “He’s nice to me.” You shrugged, “I can’t talk to other men?”

“It’s not just talking to other men!” The Orc hissed. “You’ve been ignoring me and the gifts I leave you, along with letters as well! Whenever I enter your rooms to give you something else, the other gift is always left unopened!”

He grabbed you by the wrist, forcing you to stop in your tracks. He tightened his grip, “did I do something wrong?” He asked you. “Tell me if I have, I will do what I have to do make up for it.”

Anger flared like a fire stoked with gunpowder. You wanted to yell at him, to shout at him that he should go back to his wife, confess that he was an adulterer and that he should be begging for her forgiveness.

But for some reason, you couldn’t let that anger escape. It refused to climb up and out of your throat. You shook your hand free of his grip. “You really want to fix it?” you hissed. “You can leave me alone. Pretend that this never happened. Take your hush gifts and give them to the person who really deserves them!”

And with that, you stormed off to your apartments.

Once you were inside the drawing room, you let out a groan of frustration. Of course, going off with the Fae Lord was definitely one way of getting revenge… but it didn’t feel like it was enough.

You still felt awful for the Orc lady, who was pregnant with that adulterers baby. There had to be something else you could do… some other way of getting back at him and really sticking it to the King’s guard.

And then, an idea came to you. It was a risk to ask, sure… but, the Fae Lord really seemed genuinely interested in you. And he did say himself that he would be open to listening to you if you had any problems. Who knows? Maybe he would be up for your revenge too.

So, that night you arranged a private dinner for the two of you, away from court to tell him what was really going on.

He was perplexed by your request to meet him in a place away from the public eye, but never the less accepted and arrived to dinner with that same pleasant smile he always gave you.

“What’s all this about?” He had asked as you finished setting the table.

You intertwined your fingers together and clasped them in front of you, as if you were about to start praying.

“… Do you remember when you told me that you could sense a sadness within me?” You asked. And over dinner, you told him everything. The secretive meetings, the presents. As you told your sombre tale, you realised how badly it all truly sounded.

Of course, the affair was awful enough on it’s own… but the fact that the Fae Lord had been unwittingly helping you in your payback, would come across as you using him.

And as you finished with the climax of your story, the Fae Lord’s fists clenched tighter around his cutlery. His jaw tightened.

You bit your lip, wanting to explain yourself. “I have to say that your asking me to dance in front of the whole court was what inspired me to continue on with this plan of revenge. I have truly enjoyed spending time with you and didn’t mean to use you my Lord…”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” The Fae spat. “It’s an awful thing for him to do to you, it’s no wonder he was so against us dancing and being seen together in the first place. I had half a mind to complain to the King about his behaviour.”

He knocked the butt of his fork on the table as the Lord looked around your drawing room, like there would be some kind of explanation somewhere. “How dare he use someone like that to get his own rocks off!” The Fae Lord hissed. “And especially you. You should have told me sooner, this isn’t something that you should have to deal with alone!

“No, do you know what?” The Fae pointed at you, “don’t do anything else until I say so, alright? We’re going to get this bastard man-whore… or should it be Orc-whore?” He gave you smug smile as you laughed. “For this plan to work,” he continued, “I’ll need to ask permission from someone before I go through with it.”

You frowned. “Ask permission for what?”

The Fae Lord gave another sly grin, “It’s a surprise.” His smile faded as he reached out across the table with a free hand and took yours in his, “I’ve grown very fond of you, (Y/N) and I hope that you have of me too, so with that in mind, please trust me, okay?”

He was right, you had grown fond of him and his presence. It would be strange for him to not be around in court any more. Your heart sunk in your chest at the realisation that he wouldn’t be around for much longer.

You nodded. Lowering your head, you stared at your empty plate and sighed. “… I feel really silly for thinking that he could have actually liked me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The Fae Lord asked, frowning. “I like you.”

You sighed. “I mean honestly liked me. Not just used me as a means to have an affair… I thought that we would get married one day and…” You gripped your skirts.

For a moment, the Fae stayed silent. “You don’t deserve to be loved by trash like him.” He said, firmly. He gave another squeeze of your hand. “And we’ll make sure he knows it. So don’t put yourself down, alright? It’s not you who’s in the wrong, it’s him.”

And once again, he was right. You sniffed. It made you feel a lot better to hear someone say it out loud, and to talk to someone about this affair. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off your chest.

Weeks went by and everything continued on as it had been before. The Fae Lord acted no differently than before your dinner together and the King’s guard grew more and more furious each time he saw you and the Fae together.

He had stopped bothering you since you’d told him to leave you alone… but there was still that foreboding feeling that the Orc was still looking for ways to win back your approval, proved by his scathing looks of the Fae Lord when you and he were together.

And with that feeling hovering in the air at court, you began to realise how stupid you must have been, to believe that you were only worthy of such a deceitful kind of love. You deserved so much more, wanted so much more.

The strangest part about knowing that, was that you felt it might come true very soon. You didn’t know how you could tell, you just knew it.

You began to worry as the final days of the Fae Lord’s stay drew near. There still had been no update on the Lord’s revenge plan and when you asked him about it, he’d always reassured you and given your hands a reassuring squeeze. “I’m just making the final preparations, alright? Don’t worry about a thing, I’ve got this.”

It was all too soon that the final week of his stay around. Everyone in the Palace was suddenly mournful that the Fae Lord and his company would be departing.

The Monday of the week the Lord was going to leave, you awoke to find a gift box. It was carved of wood, the bark of the tree still on it’s exterior and top, with a mossy bow tying it shut.

And as you opened it up, you couldn’t help but gasp at the sight you saw. In a bed of moss, was a necklace made of spider web, droplets of water beads strewn around it delicately. Underneath it, was a note:

I would like to give you a surprise gift every day leading up to the final day before I leave. I hope that if you appreciate this gift, you’ll wear it today and the others that are to come.

Others to come? Was this part of the revenge plan that the Lord had cooked up?

Without a second thought, you put on the gift and when you entered the Queen’s apartments that morning, all the of other ladies practically screamed with excitement for you.

Even the Queen – who never normally allowed herself to be emotional – got involved with her ladies delighted chattering.

The next morning, it was a bracelet made of hardened tree sap – the note detailed that if you licked it, it would make for a good snack – the morning after that, a broach made of butterfly wings.

And every day you wore them, eventually looking more and more like a forest Fae than a human noblewoman.

When the day finally came of the Fae Lord’s departure, you found that there was no gift that morning. Although strange, it didn’t surprise you.

He was leaving today after all, perhaps he just didn’t have time to leave one final gift.

With a heavy heart, you made your bed, adorned yourself with all the gifts you had received that week, and set off to go to court to wish the Fae Lord a good journey home.

Following the Queen to the throne room, the rest of the ladies in waiting seemed to be uncharacteristically quiet. When you gave them strange looks, they all pursed their lips or looked away from you, as if they were trying to hide something from you.

Even the Queen refused to look at you. Although you were sure that you caught a small smile on her lips whenever you all turned a corner.

When you entered the throne room, it was packed with courtiers, all chattering as usual. But there was something different in the air. You weren’t sure what it was, but there was certainly something going on without your knowing.

Once you had taken your place beside the Queen, the doors to the throne room opened and in stepped the Fae Lord with his company.

You had hoped that he would make time for a private goodbye, or at least tell you how his plans for revenge had been progressing.

The whole time you had seen him in court or in other places in the Palace, it seemed as though he was doing nothing to try and help you with your revenge plan.

A part of you wanted to be angry with him for being so slacked about it.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to be. At the end of the day, you’d been able to get back at the Orc in some way; throughout the whole week of you wearing the gifts that the Fae Lord had been giving you, the King’s guard said nothing to you, apart from giving you foul glares from across the room whenever he saw you.

“Your Majesty's, I must thank you for your hospitality these past weeks, it has been nothing but delightful.” The Fae Lord announced.

As soon as the sentence had left his lips, the whole court went silent, hanging onto his every word.

“But, if you do not mind, your Majesty,” he looked at the Queen, “I would like to steal one of your ladies in waiting.”

You furrowed your eyebrows at him as the Queen smiled at him. “But of course, it’s been difficult to ignore that you certainly have a favourite among my girls.” She looked at you and tilted her head. “Go on, (Y/N).”

Your head darted between the two. Again, you caught the Orcs eye, who gave you a warning look of carefully concealed fury.

At that, you straightened your back and headed over to the Fae Lord. Once you had come before him, he held his hand out to you.

You took it. Sandwiching your hand between his, he looked you in the eye. “I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks,” he said, “but they’ve been some of the best weeks of my life. You’re funny and smart,” he lowered his voice. “Vengeful.”

Rolling your eyes with a smile, he continued, “but most of all, you make me happy. So, I ask that you come back to the forest with me and be my wife?”

Your jaw dropped and you clasped your hands to your mouth. “You… you can’t be serious…”

The Fae Lord let an abashed smile come over him. “I am… so, if you’ll have me as a husband…” He pulled a ring, made of wood from his pocket, a white, misted crystal adorned the top of the ring. “This is the final gift… I’m sorry that there wasn’t one for you to wake up to this morning, but I felt you may appreciate it more if I gave it to you in front of everyone.” He gave you a knowing look.

You allowed a devious grin to broaden your lips.

An aww escaped the crowd, followed by a few claps. But before you could give your reply, a shout rang out.

“No!” You and the Fae Lord whipped around to find the King’s guard, abandoning his post. “No, this is completely inappropriate!”

The Fae Lord pushed you behind him, as the Orc towered over the pair of you. He jabbed a thick green finger at the Fae, “what makes you think you can just wander in here and take one of the ladies in waiting?!”

“Actually,” the Fae returned, plainly. “Her father gave me permission. I asked him last night before coming here… Unlike some people here, I’m actually upfront with future family.”

Your eyes widened as the court gasped and muttering began to rise from the onlookers.

You gripped the Fae’s arm and squeezed it. “No, please don’t. You’ve done enough.”

He looked at you, then back at the Orc. “Well, it’s all down to (Y/N)s decision anyway.” The Fae Lord raised an eyebrow and smirked. “After all, it’s not like you have any interest in her, is it?”

The King’s guard scowled at the Fae. But he said nothing.

“Come back here, now!” The King snapped from his throne. “Don’t ruin this moment for the Lady (Y/N) any more than you have!”

“But you can’t possibly allow this!” The Orc turned to face the Monarchs.

“I just did.” The King glared at his guard. He looked at you with kind eyes as he went on, “well, what is your answer?”

Looking directly at the Orc, you took the ring from the Fae Lord and slid the ring on your finger as slowly as possible.

The Fae Lord grinned and pulled you into a tight hug as the court let out an applause.

Wishing the court goodbye, you and the Fae Lord turned and left, without even giving a second glance to the Orc, who was left in the centre of the room, stunned.

“Now this, was a great revenge plan.” You whispered as the pair of you walked down the corridors.

You bit your lip, “I… I was worried that this was just going to be some kind of holiday fling for you.”

The Fae Lord stopped in his tracks, taking your hand. “My darling, I could never, do that to you.”

Hi! Thank you so much for reading my story! If you like this kind of content, you should check out my Patreon! There, I post stories twice a week and earlier than I post on Tumblr. I also post exclusive stories there too where you won’t be able to find anywhere else.

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[hurgablurg]

to be honest, hearing ludinus' backstory gives his motives a lot of sense now. innocent people getting killed in the crossfire of two powers making a big spectacle of their fight - it's how you get terrorists.

disprivileged nations don't just spontaneously generate extremists because they are evil and hate your way of life (only privileged nations produce terrorists of that kind), they are created out of violent trauma and a desire for revenge and prevention.

Colonial powers want something from a region, they go in and take it, killing anyone who gets in the way. The orphans and loved ones of those murdered then dedicate their lives to getting revenge and gaining power to ensure their remaining family are never hurt again, and strike back at the colonial powers in acts of terrorism and enact their own schemes to grab hold of power locally. This incenses the citizens of the colonial powers as it undermines their perceived invincibility and specialness at home, and their perceived authority abroad, and not understanding that they are the ones who started it (insulated by their privilege), they respond with even worse atrocities, which in turn kill and harm more innocents, who also dedicate their lives to revenge, keeping the cycle going when the onus is on the colonial power to admit responsibility and fault, repatriate, and then fuck off.

The gods, by not being actual gods and just being very powerful entities, cannot bring themselves to admit that they are not all-powerful and either cannot or do not want to answer every single prayer and solve every single problem, yet still desire the boons that come with being worshiped as all-powerful. The actions they take to fulfill their desires and objectives destroy lives and create trauma, and thus create terrorists like Ludinus and the entirety of the Ruby Vanguard. If the gods really weren't as contentious of an issue like everyone says, no one in-universe would have joined.

The only reason Exandria didn't break out the white phosphorus to tortuously annihilate the impetuous upstarts right away is because they managed to hack a big laser satellite and point it at the White House, threatening the invulnerability of the gods.

Some CR Fans like to insist, maybe because Matt wrote Ludinus as never shutting up and never taking responsibility himself, that the Ruby Vanguard doesn't have a point, or that they are hypocrites, or that they are sore losers or that the actions they take in the course of their goals are inexcusable. That they deserve to die for ruining so many lives, while the heroes kill them in a multitude of cruel and spectacular ways and are lauded for it. They've all gone through some shit themselves, even the worst of them, and there's hundreds of thousands of Vanguard who are nowhere close to worse. Hell, my mind goes to that one kid who exalted during their recon mission after watching them kill his teammates. Many such stories. Ludinus himself was a little soldier boy going off to a war he didn't want, once upon a time.

But maybe Some CR Fans here don't understand that a series borne of Pathfinder might have villains with motivations and reasons more complicated than the ones borne of an inflated dungeon crawling splatbook.

[whysoblue2]

Alright here is a bunch of info for Webber that you could use and might be a bit rambley and don't worry this isn't meant to be a 3-course dinner at a 5 star restaurant where you have to eat everything, this is meant to be a buffet table at a mid-to-low quality Chinese restaurant you can take what you want and ignore what you don't

Overview

Webber is a boy I would put his pronouns here but they're mildly complicated Webber uses I/My/Me as well as We/Us/Our when describing himself this is due to the fact his character is "Two minds One body" but other than that there's nothing outright proving or disproving that He/Him is right or wrong so I am just gonna be using that

Backstory

Webber is a human boy who was raised on a farm with his mom and (probably) scientist dad, one day his dad was given a gift from one of his friends that demanded all of his attention and this annoyed Webber who was pretty fond of his dad. so to get back at him and to get his attention back he went into his dad's study and pushed it over to break it. Turns out there was spider from the constant inside it and it immediately tried to eat Webber it failed to do so and they became one turning Webber into a spider boy and earning him the nickname "The Indigestible" when Webber's parents got up to hear what broke they only saw a monster and immediately threw it outside leaving Webber with the want to fix the mistake he caused which led to him ending up in the constant.

The Constant

Yeah I'm going say everything relevant to Webber sorry about that

The Constant is a place that sucks to be in. Time seems to be in a constant state of indifference with faster day and night cycles creatures that spawn out of nowhere to keep the victim from being complacent with the seasons being actively hostile with Summer literally burning trees, Winter being unbearably cold, Spring raining frogs (that also want to kill you), And Fall being pretty fine (there had to be a tutorial season).

Most of the wildlife in The Constant do not like the player. There is a easily countable number of friendly wildlife, many more that are neutral, with the majority being downright hostile with most of the creatures you have to fight just to stay alive being downright inedible.

Benefits Webber Has

There's a few things that Webber has going for him

1. He is part spider so the spider species that would usually be hostile to him is now neutral and can be turned into friends and fight alongside him

2. He is part spider so he is able to eat the usually inedible monster meat (could be translated to follower meat)

3. He is part spider so he makes spider silk he grows it as a beard it usually takes 9 days to get to it's max size (but there is the weird time stuff in The Constant)

4. He has slightly higher than average health (normal health is 150 Webber has 175)

Cons Webber Has

1. He is part spider so any neutral creatures that hate spiders also hate him this the 3 different races the Pigs the Bunnymen and the Catcoon with the pigs and the Bunnymen being roughly the size of the usual big and dumb evil henchmen and the catcoon being a raccoon but with cat tendencies

2. He has a lower than most sanity and is easier to start suffering from low sanity

Random facts about Webber

1. Webber doesn't have a listed age but using his (canon confirmed) friend his age would be around 8-10 years old

2. Webber says his spider side is better

3. Webber's dad is a scientist but also worked on a farm and kept goats as well as grew crops and he taught Webber to care for both of those

4. Webber's grandfather taught him how to play chess and was probably Scottish or at the very least British

5. Webber genuinely has 2 souls in him

6. His birthday is April 30th

7. Webber can talk normally if you wanna make him mute that's your choice

Alright that is all the info that I thought could be relevant that I could explain but there is more if you want to find it in the wiki the official unofficial wiki is dontstarve.wiki.gg

Here is the last 2 things I'll talk about before stopping the first is 2 items from dont starve together and the last is a head cannon I got from reading the wiki page

First is the Telltale Heart and the Booster Shot

the Telltale Heart is an item you can easily craft in don't starve together that can be crafted with 3 cut grass a spider gland (the low tech option for healing due to the glands poison being used to burn away any infection) and 40 health (which assuming 3 hearts is equivalent to 150 health points means it would take like a single point and a half out of a heart) so you could then use it on a ghost to revive the player back to life with the only downsides being that their health is to 50 (which once again using the same metric as before sets the health to 1 full heart) they become mildly hungry and setting their sanity to half and losing 25% of their max (same as before means that they lose a half a heart) with the only thing they can do to bring that back is to use the Booster Shot. The way you can create that is with 8 rotten food 2 pieces of nitre (no equivalent in cotl but can be said to be random useless rocks found in the quarry) and a bee stinger with a bit of advance science (that Webber knows how to make cause his dad made it back then) and you can restore 25% of their max health (half a heart)

And finally a headcannon I got about Webber

So basically the main way you get Webber in DT is the same as COTL where you bury his skull he pulls himself out the ground and now he's alive again. The thing I noticed is that if this is something that Webber can just do that means he is technically sudo immortal where all you need to do is to bury his skull and he is back to being alive whether that means hes back to being a child again or to the age he died at has interesting implications for both

I don't know how to end this

Ok, this was actually very interesting! Thank you for taking the time to put this all together for me!!! Thanks to this info I popped down a couple of notes that could help me insert them into a possible story.

Needs a new, improved family. He could probably not like, or be intimidated by Kall for being deep into science like his father? The father that neglected him for a spider etc. *says in cinemasins voice*: Kids. Speaks with himself because of his two souls problem (that in Cotl could be translated into a 2 personality issue). Shamura and Sozo can help with that. Then we lock up him and Sozo in a room and it becomes a dinner party with all those personalities. It would be hilarious if Sozo and Spider-Webber bonded. Probably is seen eating some nasty things, something the cult might frown upon, except Heket. The suckers don't know what it means to starve. So she might teach him how to feed properly with the time and care of the big sister she is. He plays knucklebones (instead of chess). Ratau, sorry. I am still unsure how to fit the whole skull in the ground thing, but yeah the more I think about it, the less I see him as a narilamb adoption. Thanks so much again!💙

[drdemonprince]

Thanks for talking about child sexual abuse and child sexuality. I have some clear and many hazy memories of abuse as a child. I was also sexually active at the age of 7 or 8. By that I mean my friend and I engaged in sexual activity on a regular basis. I believe she was being abused by her dad although she never told me that it was something I always had a sense of even that young. Anyway we didn’t feel that what we were doing was wrong as such, but there was one time in particular that my big brother almost caught us and I was terrified he would tell my parents. But aside from other people knowing we had no shame around it and how we felt about it and I’ve always felt kinda neutral looking back on it. But I have always been curious as to how that began and why. I don’t remember the details of how two 7 year old girls decided to get into bed together or what other conversations we had. But it did feel completely natural and fine at the time. It wasn’t until I was much older I started to realize that other kids that age weren’t into those same things. I first had sex with a boy at 13. I was a super slutty teen. Had the reputation around that. Didn’t have shame around that either. Was actually kinda proud of it. But I do think I equated sex with my worth as a human and thats probably tied to what I was taught as a child. That has been something that’s kinda haunted me my whole life.

Anyway I don’t know how this tracks with what you’re saying but it’s nice to be able to say these things somewhere and not feel like a freak. Being abused is one thing to deal with. Having sex at such a young age is more of a taboo and something no one talks about.

Thank you for sharing, Anon. It sounds like you and your friend were able to have positive, exploratory experiences together that offered a hell of a lot more safety and agency to her than the abuse going on in her life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, the only issue is the societal stigma surrounding it.

And beyond that, some kids are just sexual earlier than others. I have a cis, straight female acquaintance who used to gather around all the neighborhood boys and "play married" (as she called it) by asking them to let her suck their dicks. She has no clue where she got the idea, but it was all completely initiated by her and she has no negative feelings about having done it.

It might be *weird* to hear about, but if anything I wish that more women's first sexual debuts were that harmless, playful, and pleasant as that seems to have been for her.

Of course, there's an entire cultural backdrop that makes sexual exploration far more fraught and outright dangerous for children, and some kids' motives for exploring sexuality are patriarchal values, insecurity, and abuse, and that complicates things. But shaming children or treating them as defective for having interest in this massive aspect of human life does nothing to benefit them. We seem to be very very far culturally from being able to speak about this candidly, farther away from it than perhaps we've ever been in my lifetime anyway.

[messrsrarchives]

there is nothing "natural" about the fires in LA right now. from 200 acres to 2000 in twenty minutes, on land that has never burnt before, in january.

no matter how much the media says it is, this is not a "natural disaster". this is a direct result of western politician's complicity in genocide and climate terrorism.

i have seen more videos in the last half an hour of this "natural disaster" than i have at all of the scenes in gaza over the christmas period. where medical workers were stripped and led out of the last 'functioning' hospital - a hospital that was subsequently bombed and set on fire. of the car with 5 journalists inside that was set on fire, 5 of countless people that have been burnt alive by israel. time and time again we have seen palestinians be led to a new "safe zone" only to then have bombs dropped on their tents and for them too to be burnt alive. over and over and over again.

and that's not to play the oppression olympics or to downplay the effect that this is having on individual lives, of course not, but it is to point of the irony and hypocrisy in this being framed as "natural" and in everybody (politicians, celebrities, online LA influencers) coming forward to share links.

this is not a "natural" disaster:

in the first 120 days after october 7th, the planet-warming emissions in gaza exceeded that of the ANNUAL emissions of the top 26 climate-vulnerable countries (individually).

the first 60 days of israel's genocidal actions was equivalent to burning at least 150,000 tonnes of coal.

by december 4th 2023, 133,000 tonnes of C02 was emitted just from the us cargo planes transporting military equipment to israel.

on october 11th, white phosphorus was used for the first time in gaza - this has a long-term environmental impact on the environment, human health, and agricultural land.

every 7 minutes, 1 ton of explosives is dropped on gaza.

by march 2024, nearly half of the tree cover and farmland in gaza had been destroyed.

in june 2024, gaza was declared an environmental wasteland that was insufficient to support human life.

it is estimated that the rebuilding of gaza's infrastructure will emit 30 million metric tonnes of greenhouse gases - every 4 minutes, 1 housing unit is bombed by israel.

in the middle east, temperatures are rising on average twice as fast as the rest of the world.

in the first two years of russia's war against ukraine, the emissions produced were greater than the annual emissions generated individually by 175 countries.

by june 2024, russia's attacks had generated a minimum of 175 metic tonnes of carbon dioxide equivalent (includes C02, nitrous oxide and sulphur hexafluoride) - see here: russia deliberately targetting energy infrastructure, generating about 14 metric tonnes as a result of the methane released.

and this is just a handful of never-ending statistics.

at COP28 there were no outcome documents that mentioned the contribution of military activities on climate change. not one. COP29 did not discuss this either.

the reporting of military emissions to the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change is optional. most do not do this.

biden has approved another $8b in arms sales to israel.

the LAFD had $17.6m cut from their budget.

there's a saying that goes along the lines of "when you are born into a burning house, you think the rest of the world is on fire so you don't bother calling for help" and i've been thinking about that a lot today. thinking a lot about palestine, the middle east, ukraine, every genocide and war torn country that has been screaming to be saved from their burning homes, and now the same american politicians, celebrities, and online influencers that covered their ears are starting to get flamed too.

there is nothing natural about anything that is going on in the world right now. these are not natural wildfires, this is the result of complicity in genocide. it's literally climate terrorism.

[valkyrieromanoff]

Hii dear. 😊

I had also another request.

Hope you don't mind.

I just love the idea of Hayden, Evan, and reader being like a trio like during the shooting of the prequels, from their meetings, interactions and all.

They become really close and Hayden and Evan grow really protective of the reader. 😍

Please share your thoughts with me.

Love ❤️

🎀 Ewan, Hayden and you as a trio 🎀

Hello there, I absolutely love the idea of them being a close-knit trio. Hayden and Ewan have always come across as genuinely kind, polite, and down-to-earth, so it's easy to imagine them building a strong and supportive friendship with the reader over time. From their first meetings on set to their growing interactions, you can really picture the bond forming naturally.

As their friendship deepens, I think Hayden and Ewan would not only become protective but also incredibly caring and attentive. They seem like the type to notice if you're feeling off and go out of their way to cheer you up or lend a listening ear. I imagine they'd create a safe, warm space where you could just be yourself, which makes the idea of their protectiveness even more touching.

And, of course, their chemistry and playful energy would add so much fun to the dynamic. You'd probably find yourself caught between Ewan's charming wit and Hayden's more subtle but equally endearing sense of humor, making for some unforgettable moments together. It's such a heartwarming ideia!

I wrote a little piece for you about them, hope you like ❤️🥰

Ewan, Hayden, and you were the inseparable trio. Whether on set or off, the three of you gravitated toward each other naturally, forming a bond that felt as though it had always existed. During filming, even if one of you wasn’t in the scene, the others would still linger on set, offering support, cracking jokes, or simply being present. It was a quiet sort of loyalty that came to define your friendship—a comforting constant in the chaos of production.

You and Hayden were in the middle of filming the meadow scene on Naboo. The warm sun beat down on the flower-covered field, your yellow floral dress fanning out across the grass as you followed the choreography of the scene. With a playful laugh, you lightly smacked Hayden’s chest after he rolled over and pinned you beneath him.

He chuckled in response, his boyish grin lighting up his face, and for a moment, it was easy to forget you were filming at all. The chemistry between you felt effortless, and as you sank deeper into your characters, it was almost as if the rest of the world disappeared.

Under one of the large umbrellas set up on the edge of the field, Ewan sat watching. He leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed casually as he observed the way you and Hayden moved through the scene. The connection between you two was impossible to miss.

As a friend to both of you, Ewan couldn’t help but feel happy to see how well you worked together. But a flicker of concern crossed his mind, too. If things ever went wrong, it could complicate everything. Still, he trusted you both—and, besides, the way you made each other laugh was something he couldn’t bring himself to worry too much about.

Long hours later, as the final take wrapped, you let out an exhausted sigh, your body sinking into the grass. Hayden offered his hand to help you up, his fingers curling around yours firmly yet gently. He steadied you with one hand on your back as you dusted yourself off, his touch lingering for a moment longer than necessary.

“Let’s get out of this heat,” Hayden said, his voice warm and teasing as he gestured toward the row of chairs under the shade.

Ewan, already seated, grabbed a couple of water bottles from the cooler beside him and tossed them your way. “Here,” he said, watching you both settle into the chairs next to him. “You two look like you’ve been baking out there.”

You laughed, unscrewing the cap of the water bottle and taking a long sip. “I feel like I’m melting,” you replied, fanning yourself with your hand.

“And yet somehow, you still look like you just stepped off a runway,” Hayden quipped with an easy grin, earning a playful eye roll from you.

Ewan snorted, shaking his head. “Careful, mate. Keep laying it on that thick, and you’ll scare her off.”

“Oh, please,” you said, nudging Ewan’s shoulder lightly. “I’m pretty sure you two are stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”

“Stuck?” Hayden raised a brow, pretending to be offended. “I think you’ve got it the other way around—we’re the lucky ones.”

The three of you fell into laughter, the kind that came easily and without hesitation. It was moments like this—when the pressures of filming and the weight of expectation fell away—that solidified your bond. Ewan’s wit and big-brother protectiveness, Hayden’s warm humor and sincerity, and your ability to balance them both made you the kind of trio people couldn’t help but notice.

And though none of you ever said it outright, there was something special in the way you supported each other, both in front of the camera and behind it. You had your own rhythm, your own language, and somehow, in this whirlwind of production, you had all become each other’s home away from home.

[aettuddae]

high garden academy — chapter 58.

⟢ synopsis: a new school year begins at the high garden academy boarding school, bringing with it new students, and among them, the new center of attention for the drama-thirsty student body: the hong sisters. eunchae and her mysterious and unsympathetic older sister, daein, who oddly seem uninterested in the secrets, legends, and gossip of their new school. winter, the institution's top student, and karina, the popular girl and promising pianist, never imagined they would end up so closely involved with hong daein.

masterlist | prev | next

[written chapter]

[a/n: i haven't updated in ages so if from now on there are profile pictures/anything that changes in any way, it's because i couldn't find the previous ones]

the yu's house was gigantic, more rustic and traditional than what daein expected to find. nowadays all the houses of families with money looked like hospitals, white floors and walls, little decoration, no life. daein didn't like that kind of residences, sometimes she considered she had an old soul, and it was partly because she felt more comfortable in places like that. the high garden building seemed extremely nice and cozy, although she hated being in there, it was like a big museum where you could also live, practically a dream. the yu's house also gave her that feeling, it even reminded her a bit of her own house, although it seemed less like a medieval vampire castle.

unfortunately, daein could not inspect the home as she would like, spending time on the details and the probably expensive antique decorations, her brain was having great difficulty functioning properly, she could not concentrate either on the scenario she was in or on the numerous questions she was being asked by the couple who owned the house, stammering out answers that almost sounded coherent that she put together with the little willpower she had left based on the few words she retained. karina was doing god's work completing her sentences and making sense of them, justifying her attitude by saying she was shy or nervous. all her attention was on her own body, on the headache that seemed not to have stopped for days, the sweat that had no reason to appear as it wasn't hot enough, the nausea that hit her from time to time making her inspect the place to identify the quickest way to the bathroom in case she had to vomit. of course, some of that could be caused by lack of sleep since she hadn't rested well in the past three days, and she didn't even feel like thinking about the heat that invaded her chest every time she had to suppress the urge to yell at karina to shut up since lately she couldn't stand anyone, least of all her, or having to avoid rushing the girl's father who spoke extremely slowly.

daein was a complicated person, bitter to say the least, but this was already getting out of hand. she was never someone who lost her patience so quickly, although it could be because of her physical discomfort which was also a particularity of this stage of her addiction.

but she didn't use strong substances, did it make sense for her to feel this way? maybe she was just sick.

of course it didn't matter because she had to stay sober for...

for some reason she couldn't remember.

jennie? this dinner? sehun? oh, eunchae. she had to do it for eunchae. was it for eunchae at all? why was she putting her body through this? nevermind, there had to be some good reason, it was probably for eunchae, wasn't it?

still, she did know why she couldn't think straight, one thing being karina's hand resting on her lower back as they both sat on an elegant sofa in a corner of a room specifically dedicated to tea. her other hand rested on her leg, while with the one her parents couldn't see the girl pinched daein's skin as if trying to wake her up or nag her for her erratic behavior. the younger one disguised her correctives with displays of love and hong was not fascinated by either.

"aeinie." she hated that nickname with all her might, but she still turned to look at her. "do you want to see the piano?" the girl's expression at the suggestion of that was somewhat frightening, like when as a child you got reprimanded by your teacher and she had to disguise the anger so as not to lose her friendly image, but only achieved a hybrid that scared you more.

"will you play for me?" she asked expressionlessly, she didn't know what the fuck was happening to her body, but that karina played the piano she did remember, idiot.

the blackhaired faked a tender expression, dropping her shoulders and her eyebrows, she moved closer, and gave a kiss on her cheek. "sure, i'll play something for you." she agreed, standing up and extending her hand to her.

"food will be ready soon, go and we'll let you know." announced the girl's father as daein grabbed onto her to get up, they both nodded slightly.

"what did you consume?" sentenced with a forceful tone the youngest whispering when they were already a little bit away from her family.

"nothing." she was at a loss, the words seemed to come out of her mouth at random.

"daein." she shot her an accusatory look.

"i didn't use anything." she reiterated. "that's why i'm like this." she explained after letting out a drawn-out sigh. "but it will pass." rather than trying to calm karina down, she seemed to be trying to convince herself.

she looked her up and down, finding the sweat on her neck and recalling having seen somewhere that this must be a symptom of abstinence, although she wasn't sure. because of the state she was in, she had no choice but to believe her. daein was usually lost and didn't make much sense, but at this moment she was worse, even anguished, anxious, which was rare to see in her. she hoped her parents hadn't noticed from across the coffee table.

without saying more, she walked over, leading her with her clasped hands, approaching the long, elegant brown grand piano with lines effect, there being some darker ones, indicating it was macassar ebony wood. karina took a seat first on the stool that was wide enough for daein to enter as well, so this one followed the younger girl's steps and sat with her.

"do you know anything about piano?" the expert inquired putting her hands on the keys and stroking some of them creating a vague ephemeral sound.

"my mom plays the piano." she commented, her eyes inspecting the instrument. "she's not professional or anything, but she plays sometimes."

"you appreciate your mom a lot." she observed.

"isn't that what all children do?" she said with obviousness.

"i guess." she cocked her head to the side as if that would help her think her words better. "my mom tends to get overshadowed by my dad's presence." she mumbled in fear of being overheard.

"i understand." agreed the older one. "mine too."

"i see we have something in common." she smiled sideways, victorious.

"unfortunately." she grumbled, grimacing in disappointment. "but she's still my mother, you know." she continued.

"no, of course, i know what you're talking about." she sat up in the seat. "if mom wasn't around i think i'd go crazy." she laughed softly.

"bonding with parents must be more complicated when you hardly see them during the year." daein assumed, turning her head to give her a look.

"yes." she shook her head accompanying the statement. "since i've been attending high garden since i was little, there are teachers i've seen more these past few years than my father." she admitted with a downcast attitude. "i'm sure most of my baby teeth are in some jar in teacher jeon's office." they both laughed at the image. "hey! i made you laugh!" celebrated the younger exalted girl.

"it doesn't count, i'm dying." she stopped her, causing her to pout.

silence fell over the place and before allowing it to become uncomfortable, jimin began to play a piece on the piano, her fingers strolling comfortably across the keys as if she had no bones to constrain her. it was a rather slow melody, but still complicated, daein watched her hands without understanding how someone so young could have such ease in playing such a complex instrument. it wasn't melancholic, it sounded like a summer ballad, positive, hong had no idea what song it was, but she was mesmerized, it was the first time all day she could pay attention to anything.

slowly karina's fingers paused as she played the last few notes until the lack of sound returned to the room, but far from discomforting, it represented a missing of words. daein hated wanting to compliment her on her talent, but she had to admit she had loved it.

"you're good." she criticized. "very good."

"it's one of the works i'm supposed to play at the korean music contest." she reported casually. "i should do well." she sounded a little pressured and it made sense, not just anyone was representing one of the most prestigious schools in the country in the most important national music contest among students. "did you learn anything from your mother?" she removed her hands giving daein room to play.

"little, actually." she directed her hands to the piano and hesitantly pressed several keys without much sense, according to the blackhaired she was trying to play a rather messy version of ode to joy.

realizing that she didn't remember what the song was like at all and noticing the horrified look on the pianist's face next to her, daein preferred to stop trying, generating some sympathy in the girl next to her, who with a confident smile stood up and walked to stand behind her, leaning a little until she could reach her hands, her chest resting against daein's back and their cheeks just a few inches away from brushing against each other. she positioned daein again on the keys and began to guide her so that at a leisurely pace, but not as awkward as before, she could play the song she had attempted.

what irony hong daein playing the ode to joy.

daein was using all her energies to focus, if there was something that moved her it was the need to complete things and do them well, and maybe that was one of the causes of her deep sorrow, not being able to do anything right in this last time of her life. she couldn't even stand the discomfort she felt at the lack of doping. she followed karina's indications as well as her condition allowed, failing in some notes, skipping others, but in general sounding as she should, which must have been all the responsibility of her puppeteer.

with some difficulty the song ended, a small smile on both faces, one out of pride at having completed the piece no matter how easy it was or how many mistakes she had made, and the other because she was distractedly enjoying the closeness with the older one. neither having noticed that they came even closer than before, completely entangled with each other, their cheeks pressed against the opposite, jimin's arms almost embracing daein from behind. the blackhaired moved her head slightly so that her nose could rub hong's cheek, closing her eyes to enjoy the fact that she wasn't moving away, nodding her head slightly up and down. she lifted her hands from the piano and used them to hold onto her neck completely, wrapping her in her grip.

daein let herself be carried away by the tender gestures, and leaned her head more and more towards her own shoulder, following karina's touch, her eyelids drooping and preventing her from seeing that this was the same girl who used to drive her crazy all the time. her face was predisposed to the younger girl, who now that they were facing each other was caressing her nose with her own.

after all daein was not in her five senses and was someone who would do anything for a simple token of affection,

so she didn't stop jimin when this one captured her lips between hers, slowly, delicately, more than a kiss it was caresses between their mouths, with trouble to detach, to cut the touch. karina always wanted more of daein, once she kissed her, she couldn't stop thinking about doing it again, so being like this with her felt fulfilling, and more exciting than kissing anyone else she'd ever done it with before.

she didn't understand why, but no one seemed to have such soft lips as daein, and no scent was as satisfying to be smothered by as daein's was. she was such a cruel person, she rarely showed any pity for her, but when she kissed her no one was as tender as daein.

needless to say, she was exaggerated and restlessly obsessed with hong daein.

their mouths were entwined, daein's hands had risen to hold and attend to jimin's resting on her collarbone, their tongues were just now wanting to meet, but they never got to. "jiminie, the food-" the housemaid suddenly came in interrupting them. "oh, sorry." she covered her cheeks in embarrassment with amusement on her face, the two younger girls looked at her uncomfortably, separating immediately. "the food is ready."

(!)

— taglist [open] : @yoontoonwhs @gayforalll @hwm1hyun @jisooftme @gornoi @eunhhh @petruchiosstuff @linnnsworld @xen248 @trueblumarinegf @rinapomu @imahallucination11 @thefckghost @myouiiiiiiii @blaymine @chaewoni3 @aliceiwk @gfriendsapple @sewiouslyz @multiliker @cwpiqwon @pandafuriosa60

[tobrodachi]

i've come to bring you cursed knowledge about microbiology and antibiotics

colistin

super antibiotic, usually reserved as a last resort treatment for bacterial infections that are resistant to everything

it's literally the gundam hammer and works the same, just bash the fucking bacteria dead until it bursts open lmao