#of course he is. he's in everything dean does and everything sam refuses to do

[vivitalks]

i'm thinking john winchester thoughts tonight is it obvious

[physalian]

“Why doesn’t the villain just kill the heroes?”

Ah, plot armor. If you want to be a real go-getter and think up a more creative way for the heroes to always narrowly escape death out of sheer dumb luck, the villain being too slow on the draw, or the villain simply not thinking of it in the moment, you have to come up with a reason for why the villain doesn’t just kill the hero.

Four examples today.

1. Zhao & Aang

In “The Blue Spirit,” Aang is captured by Zhao, a man normally not above anything to further his agenda, including murder. The Avatar is the largest obstacle in his way, second to the Earth Kingdom, and all he has to do to take Aang off the gameboard is to kill a twelve-year-old. He’s got Aang in chains, not quite powerless but harmless enough, and could do it quickly.

So why doesn’t he? Per Zhao himself, if he kills Aang, the Avatar cycle will continue, born into some random water bender that may take them years to track down. Sure, they’ll be harmless for a few years and the Fire Nation might get lucky and find them easily, perhaps even sway the new one to their side, but what if the waterbending Avatar is born into the Foggy Swamp? Or they end up having to kill them, too, and then have to track down an earthbending Avtar across the entire Earth Kingdom? Does Zhao really want to take that chance when he can just keep Aang alive? Just barely?

Of course not.

Killing the hero in this case might stop the immediate threat, but it will just delay the inevitable, thus it’s in the villain’s best interest to exploit a loophole while likely committing war crimes in the process. He gets to secure a Fire Nation victory and make Aang suffer for the rest of his life.

Ozai doesn't kill Aang until the first chance he gets, which just so happens to be the series finale. And we all know why Aang has a no-kill policy.

2. Sam, Dean & The Angels and Demons

Hahaha it’s the show known for its refusal to kill its heroes. We’re gonna ignore everything past season 5. There’s obviously meta reasons—kill the main characters and you have zero supporting cast that could realistically take over the show.

But in season 4, despite multiple deaths already for both of them, so begins the “if you die we’ll just bring you back” threat, because they’re angels and angels can do that. Similar to Aang, Sam and Dean risk a fate far worse than death if they don’t cooperate with Zachariah’s plans. He happily gives them both a slew of diseases and illnesses to get his way whenever he gets the chance and reminds them both that if they just kill themselves to escape the Apocalypse, he’ll happily revive them. The Demons won't kill Sam and Dean because they're necessary to further their own plans by breaking certain seals on Lucifer's cage, though they're not above breaking bones and killing bystanders.

Fate worse than death is a popular threat, but usually the heroes offing themselves is still a viable, if deeply unpopular, option. Supernatural removes it entirely and for such a simple little detail, it does a lot to make their survivability believable.

3. Batman & Joker

Ahh the age old furious rant by people who don’t understand Batman: If Batman killed his villains they’d stop busting out of Arkham and murdering innocent civilians, Batman has so much blood on his hands—

Babe. Babe, he’s a comic book character. By his very nature, he can’t kill his villains otherwise he’d have no rogues gallery. Comic books are like a giant board of Monopoly, going around in circles and occasionally having a timeout in jail.

But the in universe reason there’s no killing has been essayed about extensively and so has why Joker doesn’t try harder to kill him, but I couldn’t not include these two. Batman does not kill because he is not judge, jury, and executioner of his villains, most of whom have mental health issues and while they certainly know better and their crimes aren’t justified, his villains need actual therapy and help and medication, not death. Even those who he might agree must be stopped and there’s no other way except murder, Batman himself will not be the one to pull the trigger. He must remain a hero, so that no matter who he comes across in the dark alleyways of Gotham, they know he’s not here to kill them, be it criminal or victim.

Joker doesn’t kill Batman for a much simpler reason, and Heath Ledger literally says it: “I won’t kill you because you’re too much fun.” He does not need a more convoluted reason, he enjoys the game, the chase, the tug of war (most versions of him, at least) and to kill Batman would be to end his greatest form of entertainment, and the only person probably in the whole world who is neither afraid of Joker nor dismissive of him as simply a freak.

4. Optimus and Megatron

Optimus Prime and Megatron are very similar to Batman and Joker but with literal eons of history between them. In most serialized Transformers media, as opposed to movies where the plot is more urgent, Megatron both wants to win Optimus over and just can't quite let himself finally win. Who is he without his rival, after all this time?

Optimus is in the same boat, refusing to kill him because he's still holding out hope for Megatron's redemption, that there's a peaceful way to end this war (no matter how much collateral both leaders end up causing). Shit gets real whenever Optimus breaks the unspoken rules of their no-kill rivalry and Megatron gets incredibly pissy about it because he's in love.

—

Suggestions to workshop this plot hole in your own narrative:

The hero staying alive is absolutely paramount to the villain’s plan (in which case, you have to have rock solid reasons for why they keep narrowly escaping capture)

The villain is so confident in their plan that they don’t even consider the hero a proper threat

The villain doesn't really have a bodycount, but if they kill the hero, suddenly all the other powers that be will take them seriously and they'll have a huge mess on their hands

The villain is so full of themselves or so in love with their rival that it’d break their heart to have to kill them just to win

The villain is simply not capable of murder either physically or morally (perhaps because the hero is a child)

Killing the hero would make them a martyr and the villain would end up with a far bigger mess on their hands when the lone hero is replaced with an avenging army

The villain is too proud to simply kill the hero and wants to win fairly in a proper fight on the battlefield and not take the cheap and easy shot

The villain does not have a phyiscal form or real presence in the plot, acting through their minions, and their minions are incompetent

It’s simply not fun if the hero dies/the hero is the only one who understands them and they’d lose far more than they’d gain by killing them

The villain still wants to try and win the hero over and is so dedicated to this path that they regularly sabotage their own plans desperate to change the hero’s mind

The villain firmly believes in a fate worse than death and while the hero’s survival isn’t crucial to the main plan, they want the hero to watch their own failure/become the villain’s minion/ prisoner/ partner by the end

There’s a million examples out there to pull from and I could keep listing them all night. So long as whatever it is doesn’t come out of nowhere or open a plot hole of “why didn’t they just do that earlier?” you can get quite creative.

One last example that’s a personal favorite of mine to implement: In Eternal Night of the Northern Sky there aren’t too many opportunities to ask this question, but when it does arise, Villain A has Hero B as a meat shield, and while Hero B’s love interest, Hero C, is more than happy to shoot through them to incapacitate Villain A, the person they take orders from isn’t so reckless, which later leads to Drama and Issues.

[aliusfrater]

sam's early seasons anger is his response to the trauma obtained within the (non)family unit that is john-dean-sam, but most importantly, it's his response to the abuse john had inflicted upon both himself and dean, and it's very often on behalf of dean, who in his own codependent dynamic with john as a parentified child, non-pathologised john's abusive actions and was unable to form any kind of significant pushback against john's abuse. john's abuse is grief and emotion projected outwards onto dean, a child, the son, who gains the unjust responsibility of having to manage his father's emotions. sam refuses to be like dean and cater himself to john largely because he, through his Othering and detachment within his family and hunting, is able to view john's actions as what it is—abuse. he acknowledges this in over and over season one both with reference to the fact that what happened to them was 'not normal' and with specific reference of why john's actions are abuse—"you were just pissed you couldn't control me anymore!" he expresses his refusal to fold into the same mould that dean has through anger, first through character-typical malicious compliance, in which he asks questions he knows he is entitled to (and generally believes in arming oneself with information, due to both the chronic lack of information john and dean had provided him with as a child (3.08)) but knows john will view as disrespect (due to the fact that it strays from the codependent role that dean has folded himself into on john's behalf; he does what he's told and asks no questions, though is generally awarded more information due to his parentification) and then through argumentative behaviour. both john and dean frame john and sam's arguments as sam's fault but this is the most encapsulating abusive aspect of it—john's (the parent) response to sam (the son) is not sam's responsibility.

i don't think his revenge is encapsulated by his anger; his revenge comes from their familial idealistic response to grief, and anger is a part of grief, rather than the other way around. instead of processing this grief, it's channeled into revenge. it's a foundation of hunting for a lot of hunters, which is both a literal and metaphorical representation of the cycle of abuse (and when it isn't hunting, it's represented in blood (re: men of letters)). his conflict with lilith isn't wholly about his revenge for dean's death, especially after dean is resurrected. i think it's more so related to my interpretation of sam's character conflict for that season being that of rejecting what the codependent dynamic of his and dean's relationship¹ had become by season three in favour of his own independence; his conflict with lilith and how ruby plays into this conflict began with revenge then became the nucleus of his rebellion against dean (which does include anger²). he acknowledges this directly in season five—"dean, one of the reasons i went off with ruby... was to get away from you. [...] it made me feel strong. like i wasn't your kid brother."—but it doesn't help that both ruby and the angels were actively encouraging this conflict between sam and lilith largely because of the fact that it 1) re: ruby—represented a course of agency for sam outside of dean and presented an opportunity for her own manipulation of sam (she filled in a dean-like role in the sense that she catered to everything sam wanted the actual dean to be doing for him—namely the acceptance of his monstrosity—while presenting him with a facade of independence), and 2) re: ruby and the angels—provided them with a pawn to break the final seal by dressing up the idea of lilith as free of negative consequence through the omission of information (according to both the angels and ruby, lilith was the one who had to complete breaking of the final seal. to sam, killing lilith was morally righteous).

²i do think that sam has a general undercurrent, simmering, and oftentimes outward yet compartmentalised anger that he utilises within his own agency outside of his relationship with john then dean. however, i do think that the very core of it is more related to his Othering, monstrosity, and the loss of control that he feels when his environment responds to his monstrosities. sam admits to this as well—4.16, "well, get angry." / 5.11, "most of the time, i can hide it, but... i am angry. i'm mad at everything. i used to be mad at you and dad, then lilith, now it's lucifer, and i make excuses. i blame ruby or the demon blood, but it's not their fault. it's not them. it's me. it's inside me. i'm mad… all the time... and i don't know why."—and something that really intrigues me about the latter admission is the event preceding it: he's tied to a bed (much like the conditions of the panic room) and his anger is victim blamed with explicit reference to his monstrosity. "you are far too angry to be out there in the real world," is a very pointed and crazy ass line on the 'we kill monsters who fall out of line and into our line of sight' show directly after the season in which he perceivably became the 'them' within the 'us vs them' metaphorical equation. the people that sam bring up are also representations of either his Othering, a loss of control, or his explicit monstrosity. his anger began with his father's abuse and continued long after his death when he passed control of sam's life over to dean who, through his inability to properly handle the past responsibility of parentification, perpetuated it into this request made by john which clashed with dean's existing ideas of monstrosity; sam's existence outside of the existing dichotomy of hunting prompted the stretching of this dichotomy to fit sam (dean’s season two conflict re: sam) rather than the destruction and rewriting of the dichotomy itself and in that way, sam still ended up othered within his existence as a threat to the upturning of their familial hunting beliefs. ruby and lilith (as well as azazel) represent the pretence of control just as much as they represent his unknowing grappling for control (addiction) as well as his monstrosity due to how he employed his monstrosity within his conflicts with them while lucifer represents an entire loss or both perceived or preconceived control—both the idea of sam's monstrosity in an inherent sense, as well as sam's complete lack of control are cemented with lucifer's existence just as much as the preparation (azazel's plans, and it does intrigue me that azazel isn't listed here) leading up to it.

it's foundational to my interpretation of sam that he believes that his monstrosity predated his explicit narrative monstrosity due to the abuse—neglect and isolation most importantly—he experienced as a child and the resulting guilt complex that he's left with, which he then encapsulates within the revelation of his unwilling/unknowing ingestion of demon blood as a baby and i think that with every complex-reinforcing factor that introduces itself into his life, he weaponises/quite simply falls back on his response (anger) to the most original grooming, abuse, and explicit example of a loss of control and Othering in his life—the john-dean-sam dynamic, with an explicit emphasis on john (kind of in a similar way to my idea of dean's reaction to a loss of relationship control, which is to begin recreating the same dynamic). a lot of it comes down to the fact that while he is angry on behalf of himself at these structures—familial, patriarchal, hunting, cycles (of abuse, grief)—he exists within but are both othered and controlled by, the general narrative and sam-dean relationship dynamic pushback against his response to this aspect of his character being that of both adding his response to reasons for/blatant instances of his othering as well as using his response to facilitate the realigning of his non-position within these structures, creates a self-deprecating loop of guilt and results in an anger at himself that echoes exactly the way that these structures demand that his identity be compartmentalised through. basically, it spells either ‘there is something inherently illicit about me. i need information/forgiveness/change (in that order)' or the usage of both this feeling as well as his perceived monstrosity/aspect that he is othered as a result of as agency as seen in season four, five, six, and season eight, is extended onto dean in season eleven, then jack in seasons thirteen through fifteen.

ultimately, these structures' facilitation of sam's non-role involves the depletion of sam's anger and results in his later-seasons characterision that is best (but not wholly) encapsulated within 7.17, "get pissed!" / "i'm too tired," especially when the circumstances of sam's response—in regards to the fact that dean has resouled sam despite his (5.22 and soulless!sam's) explicit doubled lack of consent against it, and while creating the issue that is sam's psychosis, has restored sam/sammy's rightful narrative place within his non-role—not only serve as a perfect example for the abuse dynamics of his and dean's relationship and how it facilitates sam's non-role within said relationship as well as the structures that this relationship is encapsulated by, it also serves as a perfect example for exactly how sam's anger worked, what its purpose was, as well as exactly how and why its depletion facilities his complete assimilation into these structures' atmospheres of abuse. the Whole topic of sam's later-seasons lack of anger (or anger when utilised) is an entirely different post, though.

¹specifically relating to 1) identity and monstrosities relating compartmentalised through the ‘us vs them’ dichotomy of hunting and how it manifests into a relationship dynamic where sam is dean's little brother, sammy, put on a pedestal of innocence because his innocence became dean's responsibility within his parentification and any indication of sam's monstrosity, as something evil encroaching upon Sammy, is therefore viewed a personal failing despite the unequivocal place it holds within sam’s being, 2) and 3).

[platonic-soulmates-gencest]

omggg I have someeee

-Dean was the one to take care of Sam's hair when they were kids, he made sure that it didn't got tangled or greasy, because Sam wanted his hair to be long and Sam gets whatever he wants!

-Dean carries hairties in his pockets too, just in case Sam needs them, he would never say it out loud, of course.

-Dean is the one to iron their clothes, Sam knows how but Dean never allows him to!

Thank you for bringing this delicious food to me 😋

Dean taking care of Sam's hair:

Dean has always been in charge of getting Sammy ready for the day. He's also been the one in charge of giving Sammy a haircut when he needed one.

He needed one two weeks ago but Sammy made those stupid eyes and pleaded for Dean not to cut them. And Dean... well Dean didn't because Sammy looked like he really hated it.

So with two weeks worth of an overdue haircut, John notices. He orders Dean to take care of it. Dean tries to placate Sammy by promising ice-cream after but Sammy refuses. Eventually John ends up giving Sam a buzz cut in his anger. After that Dean lets Sam's hair grow as far as he can without pushing John's boundaries.

Dean takes great care of Sammy's hair. He always helps him wash it and then uncombs it.

Whenever John leaves them on their own, Dean lets Sam grow his hair as long as he can. In those times, he always has hairties in his pocket or on his wrist and is always quick to offer one to Sam when he notices his neck sweating. Sammy doesn't even have to ask for them. Dean just knows.

Related headcanon: X

Dean ironing their clothes:

So, John, Sam and Dean all wore unironed clothes until Sam entered kindergarten.

See, John didn't care what people thought so he didn't iron his clothes. Dean didn't really care either. He spent his first school years just waiting for the day to end so he could get back to Sammy.

But when Sammy enters kindergarten, he overhears some kids talking about his old wrinkled clothes and when he cries in front of Dean because of it, Dean snaps.

Dean learns how to wash, iron and sew clothes in the span of a week. He perfects these skills in the span of six months. He refuses to let Sam feel bad about the clothes he wears. He can't do anything about them being old but he can keep them clean and ironed and without holes.

Eventually, Dean realises he loves doing these chores because he's taking care of Sam. He doesn't ever try to push these things onto Sam.

Fast forward Sam doesn't know how to sew or iron clothes at all when he ends up in Stanford. He can barely work the washer. He learns how to iron his shirts but he hates it. He can't help but remember Dean when he does it.

When they get back together, Dean takes care of all these chores right away. One time, he finds Sam ironing his clothes while Dean had gone to bring breakfast and he almost has a mental breakdown. He takes the iron from Sam's hand and gives him the most ruthless glare he could muster.

Sam never irons his shirts again (except when Dean was gone). He doesn't even try. That's Dean's job and Sam knows it now.

(I don't know what I wrote. But Dean doing everything for Sam is my secret kink ;; Had a lot of fun with it haha)

[scoobydoodean]

Picking up from discussions of Cas's ramblings as more coherent than they seem in 7.21, in 7.23, Cas comes back (after saying he was just going to go explore the world basically). He is upset, because he realized he couldn't hear his garrison, and when he went to find them, he realized the leviathan had killed them. Hester (the new leader of Cas's garrison) and Dean had both pressed Cas in 7.21 for abandoning his responsibility to help clean up the situation he created. Now Cas's entire garrison (the garrison that felt abandoned by him) is gone because of the creatures Cas unleashed. Of course Cas sees this as his fault, and now he's scared that he'll not just lose his heavenly family, but his earthly family too. So he needs to go to Sam and Dean.

He finds Meg who was "laying low halfway across the world" and flies her back to the US (back to Sam and Dean) without her consent. I think his choice to force Meg to come back and reconnect with the Winchesters is interesting. I think it's in part a signal that he's moving closer to taking on some of the responsibility of dealing with the leviathan, but he uses Meg as a comfort or a buffer. Maybe the idea is that she can serve as his stand in in the battle? Because he still doesn't want to fight, but he wants Sam, Dean, and Meg to know that the leviathan killed his garrison and they have Kevin, which means they know what the Winchesters are up to and what weapon they have and are going to be ready for them. After explaining as best he can, Cas says:

CASTIEL They took him [Kevin]. He's alive. I felt such responsibility, but it's in your hands now.

So he felt it was his responsibility to warn them and reach out. His Garrison was responsible for Kevin's safety, and since they're all gone, he needs to see to Kevin's safety. Now that he's told the Winchesters and Meg though, his idea is that they can deal with it. More shifting of responsibility. They can save Kevin, they can avenge the Garrison, and they can save the world from the leviathan on their own. Cas knows this isn't okay though. It doesn't make him feel better. He still feels guilty for his "no conflict" rule, so he makes Sam and Dean sandwiches, and he ropes Meg in (who has far less of an obligation to participate in this battle than Cas does) to act as muscle to replace him. Meg is pissed that Cas brought her back here, and Dean is pissed that Cas is still refusing to fully own his responsibility and is instead foisting it on him and Sam and Meg. Cas knows he should be doing more, but isn't ready to involve himself in the fight more, because he's scared he'll just ruin everything again.

CASTIEL I can't help. You understand? I can't. I destroyed... everything, and I will destroy everything again. Can we please just leave it at that?

Dean is no stranger to how paralyzing guilt can be (see: 7.04), but he's also no stranger to being burdened with responsibilities by people with more power/authority than he possesses, who want Dean to solve the world's problems for them. John did that to Dean. Gabriel did that to Dean. Death did that to Dean. Now Cas is also doing that to Dean. He wants Dean the human to solve the problems that Cas the immortal seraph created. These burdens have made Dean suicidal during this entire season. That is not a secret—it's made quite explicit in 7.01 and 7.09 that Dean is completely overwhelmed by the apocalyptic burdens he is perpetually demanded to shoulder (that he is not powerful enough to shoulder) to the point of wanting to die. And when he told Bobby that, and when he told Eliot Ness that, and when he told Frank that, the messages given directly to him were to nut up and stow his shit. So because Dean is both royally and rightfully pissed, and because Dean has been repeatedly told no one gives a shit that he is broken,

Dean says:

DEAN No. No, we can't [leave it at that]. We can't leave it. You let these friggin' things in. So you don't get to make a sandwich. You don't get a damned cat. Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas. Clean up your mess!

[lazyjellyfishcreation]

SPN time travel au lets go

Supernatural time travel au where the world ends.

Chuck wrote a failsafe into the universe when he realized that Sam and Dean were getting too competent for their won good, so when Jack kills Chuck, the failsafe triggers and whipes everything out.

The only ones left standing are Jack, whom is the new god and therefore a little more powerfull then the rest, and Sam, because of a spell Rowena put on him. Before they both die, Jack tells Sam that they can still safe everyone by going back in time. If Sam can rally hell behind him, and Jack rally's heavens angels, they can together kill chuck. If Jack can transport them to before Chuck made the failsafe, they can make this right.

And thus, Sam dies, and then wakes up roughly 19 years in the past, on the day he's supposed to leave for collage. And he does. He recons that he only has a few weeks at most to rally all of hell behind him and he cannot do that with a 22 year old Dean hanging on his shoulder, trying to protect him. (not to mentions his shitty father whom is also there and holy shit Sam hasn't thought about him for a while, but his day just got from bad to worse)

Anyhow, he wakes up in cold sweat, trows up into the toilet, and tries his very hardest not to get weepy when he sees is 22 brother for the first time again. He's so young. He's practically a baby. His eyes are full of light and he hasn't seen hell yet. Hell, he doesn't even know hell exists yet. He's still innocent and the worst thing he's ever faced is Azazel. Sam would do anything to keep him that way.

So, he leaves. he tells dad about collage, they fight. Sam has to surpress his urge to punch is father out because holy shit the man is being childish, but he manages to get away after his father punches his instead. Dean comes between them and Sam almost laughs. He had forgotten that his father punches like a bitch. He's been tortured by the devil, he died like, 8 times. that was nothing.

he doesn't go to Stanford. Or well, he does, but only to see Jess. She doesn't see him, of course. Azazel told him she was doomed to die the second she laid eyes on him, and he will not let that slide. She's so young, so innocent. Still a child by all accounts. Sam almost feels like a creep. He was almost 40 by now, even though he doesn't look it. He still loves her, he always will, but he can't love her like he used to anymore.

He leaves campus without ever checking in. He was never there to begin with.

After finding and more or less recruiting the rest of the special children, It's surprisingly easy to take over hell.

Hell is a mess.

Crowly is sort of in charge, but not really, Hell has become a lawless land in Chucks relative absence. And well, by manipulating Azazel, and killing a few demons that are not with the program, he quickly establishes himself as king, with the rest of the special children as his generals. At once, they march onto heaven. He gives strict orders to only go for Chuck. Leave the angels be, Only kill god.

And they do. With the angels, demons, Jack and Sam working together, Chuck dies, and Jack takes over.

Sam himself starts revamping hell for it previous purpose: punishing the wicked. Not only that, but punishing them with severity to their crime. Sure, theft is a sin, but you shouldn't get tortured for forever just because you took a TV that wasn't yours, you feel me?

At this point, Azazel realizes that his was a bad idea, Sam is now ultimate ruler of hell and nothing is going as planned. First and formost, he has absoulutely refused to even go near the idea of becoming the vessel for lucifer, and secondly, he's powerfull enough to actually be king of hell without him. there have been several uprisings, but sam has squashed them all down with little effort.

it's starting to become concerning.

before he can do anything about it tho, sam straight up murders him. No drama, no fanciness, Sam just striaght up stabs him in the back "That's for ruining my life you sicko" and he's dead. He doesn't deserve better.

The demons that disagree with sam start to flee at that point. trying to usurp him isn't working, but if they regroup in the mortal world, sam would be too busy ruling hell to come after them.

But no, Sam makes a deal with Crowley, Crowley becomes his official regent and rules with Sam's rules in Sam's absence, and in exchange, Sam gets Crowley's soul, just to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid like take the power for himself or something.

So now that hell is fixed (he did that in like, roughly one earth year, so 12 hell years) he can go above ground, to kill the demons that are escaping to earth and thus terrorizing human mortals.

he quickly makes a name for himself in the hunter ranks. None of them understand how this 19 year old kid is able to kill this many demons in this little time, yet every time someone has a demon problem, it's Sam who shows up, and straight up kills them, which is notoriously difficult.

Some even claim that the demons seem to fear the youngest Winchester. One or two are spreading stories that a demon called Sam 'your majesty' but nobody believes that. And that's without speaking about the other people that seem to occasionally hover around, clearly his friends, but they seem to listen to him, like he is their leader.

All in all, the hunters aren't sure what to make of him.

And then the bunkers start showing up. Safehouses all accross the country, where hunters can relax, restock and heal from injuries. It's crazy. Nobody knows where the bunkers come from, but they seem old.

Meanwhile, John and Dean have no idea what is going on. John is being his antisocial self and none of the hunters have any rush to tell the volatile man that they all think his youngest son (his pride and joy that left them) has gone completely sideways and is now terrifying. They are straight up minding their business and just avoiding them like usual.

Bobby knows. Sam explained it to him, well part of it anyway. About hell, and god and the devil. Bobby didn't take his word for it at first, but when Sam showed him hell, it all became a lot more believable. He begs Bobby not to tell his brother and father. That this is his fight and he doesn't want his brother in this mess. Bobby promises.

I will write a part two with a reunion at some point, if you want me to tag you in it, reply to it!

[fulltimesapphic]

Ok so I just finished season six of supernatural and I’m having so many thoughts now that I’ve actually seen all the shit I’ve heard about. Also thank you to @sparrow-the-tired-lesbian for putting up with this shit I’m so sorry I send so many words that you don’t understand. I also have to do a part two cause it’s that much I’m so sorry.

Cas needed help in heaven and he went to go ask Dean but he saw that Dean was happy. Dean got out and Cas just couldn’t bring himself to ruin Deans peace. Crowley used this vulnerability and Cas’ love for Dean to manipulate him and convince him to open purgatory. Cas only started down that path because he loved Dean too much to bring him into his issues.

Then throughout all of season six Sam and Dean call Cas for help and he always goes even when he’s literally in the middle of a battle. Like dude is so dedicated. And whenever Crowley tells Cas that it would be easier to just kill them Cas refuses because they’re his friends.

The Winchesters and Bobby are the first people to actually enjoy Cas and the first humans who actually like him. He’s so dedicated and loyal to them but when they find out he was working with Crowley wanna know who was most upset? Fucking Dean. Dean didn’t want to believe it either, he wanted so hard to believe that Cas wouldn’t work with Crowley cause it’s Cas.

But then of course Dean finds out it’s true and they both are just so hurt. Even after they’ve trapped him Cas tells them to run and he stalls so that they can get out. From that point on he is trying so hard to not hurt them and to get this done without them being involved. He finds out that Deans ex gf and “not his son” get kidnapped and he just about kills Crowley. But he still need Crowley to open purgatory cause he needs the power that is there. But he only needs that power to stop Raphael and he only needs to stop Raphael because Raphael wants to start the apocalypse back up but Cas doesn’t want that and he tried to stop the apocalypse the first time. But he only stopped the apocalypse the first time because he rebelled and fell in love with Dean.

Cas only needs Crowley to open purgatory because he couldn’t bring himself to disturb deans peace. After Dean finds out that Cas was spying on them and working with Crowley Dean is obviously pissed. But Cas keeps showing up and he keeps asking Dean to be patient. He talks about how he does everything Dean asks, he always helps them, and yet Dean won’t believe that he knows what he’s doing solely because he’s working with a demon. Cas keeps trying to tell Dean that he is doing this for a reason, because he needs to stop Raphael so that the world doesn’t end again but Dean won’t listen.

So eventually Cas opens purgatory and he gets all that power in there and then what does Dean try to do? He try’s to use the “I would’ve died for you, you’re family” and Cas calls him out on his bullshit. Cas knows now that he is only loved by them because he is useful. He is tired and done. He had to kill his favorite brother because he told Dean and Bobby where to go, he killed Raphael because he was too stubborn to accept that God is a douchebag and now he knows that the man he is in love with, the man he risked everything for many times, the guy whose become his father, his brother they only care about him when he’s useful.

They only call for him when they need something and he is done with it. If they won’t respect him he’ll become god and make them. And he does, he becomes god. He has tried and tried to get Dean to see it his way, he tells Dean that he only is reasoning with him now because Cas was right about the power from purgatory and Dean is scared. And Dean is scared, he’s terrified. Cas has so much power and he’s not acting right but Dean it’s kinda your fault. Dean refused to listen to believe that maybe this incredible being knew what he was doing and Cas wasn’t left with any other options.

Pt two here tumblr

[sammygender]

a lot of the clash between sam and john, aside from the obvious, seems to come from the fact that sam, wrt his dynamic in the family, is driven very much by his desire to understand... & john is diametrically opposed to this

that classic fight scene in s1 with john he starts off by firing questions at john and they're genuine questions - he is so angry at the fact that everything's being kept from him (& dean). and john has SO much he thinks he has to hide from sam. and sam must've always been able to sense this. and john just wants sam to shut up and do his job. so you get this dynamic between sam and john where sam is relentlessly, constantly pushing, because no matter what he can always sense there's something john isn't telling him and that john doesn't trust him (& can you imagine the awfulness that wreaks on his brain as a kid??? hes growing up and his older brother and his dad are in some secret little club he only gets access to later on and even then - even then he's never as close as they are to each other - of course he feels like hes fundamentally wrong and evil thats what john projects onto him, there must be something wrong with him for john to treat him like this), and also because none of it makes SENSE to him.

(side note but teenage sam is soooo autistic kid who just wants people to act rationally and genuinely cannot comprehend why his dad acts like this and does the things he does and can be such a dick and refuses to listen to reason, like surely if sam just Explains Better then this time dad'll get it...) (i understand him. What who said that). and john is always pulling away and getting colder and angrier and meaner because he resents sam so much for always pushing and never just doing what hes told and is never ever actually willing to listen to sam at all.

anyway. sorry guys im rewatching all the john winchester scenes because i wrote a fic with john actually IN it and i want his voice to be 100% accurate because inaccurate john bugs the shit out of me

[according2thelore]

oh GOD that ask answer was everything i dreamed and more. es!dean literally cannot imagine the kind of torture sam went through with lucifer. (which, incidentally, is one reason why ls!sam could never really replace ls!dean with him. he wakes up hyperventilating in the middle of the night and that slender boy is not enough. he needs his mountain man of a brother who Knows what’s out there.) and that kills him because he needs to know Everything About Sam. but sam is so so right to keep it from him - i don’t think es!dean could live with the knowledge, say, that sam is raped one day. i think it would actually end him.

ugggh i lvoe this au so much. you are a genius.

GRAHH you're so right!!!

sam wakes up one night straight from a nightmare and stumbles into the hallway, needing to find dean's room. he runs into ES!Dean, who's all it's okay, sam. it can't hurt you, it's just a vision--because he doesn't know! ES!Sam's nightmares can be soothed with gentle hands on his neck and shoulders, brushing bangs out of his eyes, dean promising that they'll fix it, and sam's safe.

but LS!Sam is going to throw up because this isn't a fixable thing. he feels suffocated by ES!Dean's firm hands on wrists, held down, and he pushes him away, hard.

LS!Dean shoves ES!Dean further away like you can't restrain him like that and ES!Dean pales bc he things he's caught on: someone held sam captive, maybe because of his powers. how could LS!Dean have arrived so clearly late, late enough that sam still carries the scars into his dreams?

and LS!Dean keeps muttering about first stones and c'mon sammy breathe with me and look at me and this is real. and LS!Sam kind of crumples and shoves himself under LS!Dean's arm, trying to make himself small and holdable, and ES!Dean just stands there and burns.

because there is clearly something here that's not right. something that LS!Sam&Dean have survived together, learned how to deal with, spent years adjusting to each other, and that's something ES!Dean is starting to realize they'll never tell him.

sam has always been a little inaccessible--he used to refuse to tell dean details about his girlfriend-of-the-weeks, he kept stanford a secret until he got his acceptance letter, he wouldn't tell dean what he was writing in all of those notebooks--but never the truly big, life-or-death stuff. and now sam--LS!Sam, anyway--is inaccessible. and it kills dean. dean wants to shrivel up and die because sammy is his. his responsibility, his to watch out for, his to mend, his to kill for.

he has never felt more purposeless or rudderless than he does right now--watching someone else comfort sam.

what he doesn't know, of course, would kill him. the fact that sam asks to be locked into a cage in hell, and dean will let him. the century of torture and rape and psychological hell that sam went through is a chasm that dean will never be able to fix. he can build a bridge, but that's all he can do.

it would kill ES!Dean. and LS!Sam knows it. so he reaches out a shaky hand in the gap between LS!Dean's arm and body, where he's wrapped sam in a bear hug.

ES!Dean rushes forward and grabs it, life finally having meaning again as sammy looks up at him with bloodshot eyes, with fingers that shake, and a voice that cracks when he says, "i'm okay, dean. thank you. i'm fine."

AGH!!!! anon, you get it <3 <3 hurt/comfort is my FUCKING bread and butter!!!!!!!! esp when it goes both ways!! because with these bozos, it literally would be!!

-lizzy

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

What season of SPN makes you the most feral? What are your headcanons about it?

Hi Anon!

Sorry it took me so long to answer, usually I’m quicker with asks. First, I needed to think about my answer. Then, my internet went down (ugh). Now, I’m on a work trip.

I don’t tend to have a lot of headcanons for SPN, and the ones I have, I mostly think of in the moment as I’m watching or they are pretty common (for example, Ben is Dean’s kid).

Anyways, after thinking about it, I think the season(s) thst makes me the most feral is the Season 2 & 3 combo. I have to put them together because of the reversal of brother worry that flows so well: Dean worrying obsessively about Sam (and being alone) until the worst happens and Sam actually dies, so Dean sells his soul for Sam because he can’t bear to be without him, so Sam worries obsessively about Dean (and being alone) until he starts throwing some of his morals out the window (metaphorically selling his soul) to try and save him, but the worst happens and Dean dies. These seasons have so many brother feels, then being mistaken for a couple (which I always find amusing), and pain. It all hurts so good.

There are a couple of things that make me feel especially “feeral” in this era.

In “In My Tine of Dying” Sam can sense Dean’s soul (love this), they talk to each other using a “talking board,” and Sam tried so damn hard find a way to save (in a short window of time) Dean, and Dean (who worries that he needs Sam more than Sam needs him) never remembers how worried Sam was for him and how much he watered to save him. I hate that he doesn’t remember. As far as I can tell, when Tessa returns his memories of that time (in Season 4), she only returned the parts involving her, not the parts where Dean saw how much Sam loved him (This is up there with Sam and Dean not knowing the phone call was tampered with in Season 4, for me).

“What is and What Should Never Be” pretty much twists my heart from start to finish. Dean having everything “apple pie” he could want, but none of it being worth it if Sam doesn’t love him (beyond in the “he’s my brother so I have to love him” but NOT like him sort of way). The acting in this one is good too. We get a very different Sam, and Jared plays how different he is from normal Sam and how weirded out he is by Dean trying to show any affection towards him really well. We get to see Jensen play a cute and happy Dean, then we see his heart breaking when he realizes he can’t stop hunting if it means people will die, and I love/hate the more subtle heartbreak of him seeing Sam back away from him. I just … love this episode. (Also, … “What are you calling me bitch for?”).

Everything about Meg!Sam, and Dean saying he’d rather die than kill Sam. Pure gold.

“Mystery Spot,” the whole episode is just fantastic. A tiny hesdcanon I have for this episode is that there was at least a day where Sam tackled Dean to the bed (non-romantically) and just refused to let him up, clinging to him like a koala in desperation because Dean dies every time he leaves the room, or does basically anything. Dean struggles at first but then just lays there and takes it, maybe awkwardly patting Sam’s arm. He is both kinda weirded out, but also secretly happy with how much Sam obviously cares about him. But, of course, it being Mystery Spot, Sam probably accidentally kills him somewhere in there.

One last thing I think of often is, I wish I could see Sam succeeding and saving Dean in the Season 3 finale. It bothers me so much that he couldn’t do it after how hard he tried, and the lengths he was willing to go to, and it hurts seeing how much his “failure” and losing Dean tortured him. Dean ended up inflicting the exact pain on Sam that their Dad did on him by selling his soul for him and dying for him, except worse. Also, I actually like the Angel story line in Seasons 4 to 6, but I loath it after that, except for a few exceptions. So, if Sam had saved Dean, we might have been spared angel politics thst went on for too long, as well.

Anyway, I’ll stop it there because my answer is getting away from me.

Thank you for your question, Anon ❤️.

What season(s) make you feral?

[delulu4dean]

Animal pt2 (Dean Winchester x female!reader)

Warning: smut. It’s all smut. Adult language and smut. 18+ please, minors DNI!

Inspo: animal by ke$ha

Word count: 1,874 words

Pt 1 Pt 2

✰✰✰✰✰

You guys spend the past four days, unable to get anywhere. It’s possible the goddess knew of the Winchesters. Hell, everyone knew of the Winchesters by now. But she didn’t care. There was no way out of this.

Or so you believe. Sam refuses to give up. In fact, he’s trying to summon up who he thinks he has a lead on right now. Some moon ceremony.

You don’t care, you’re not hopeful. But you start understanding the werewolves going crazy, just eating as one last celebration before death. So you find yourself walking to Dean’s room, for your one last night of fun before you die.

✦I am in love…✦

You knock on his door.

“Come in,” he calls out, so you do.

There he is, laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. You can’t help but find this moment tragically beautiful. He’s just in his t-shirt and jeans, resting his head on his arms. A small bit of his midriff is exposed as his arms are stretched up. You try not to stare as you close the door behind you.

“Hey, Dean,” you say softly, making your way to his bed.

“What’s up, Y/N,” he sits up.

✦…with what we are…✦

You sit on his bed back towards him. The palm of your hands were sweating, and nervous butterflies flutter in your stomach as you gather up the courage to say what you want to, to Dean. You take a deep breath, before turning your body to Dean.

He furrows his eyebrows, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Is everything alright?” he asks.

You let out a bitter laugh, as the question is stupid. The world is ending, of course everything isn’t alright.

“For the current situation we’re in?”

“Right,” Dean nods. “What’s on your mind?”

“You,” you answer truthfully.

✦…not what we should be.✦

“Yeah?” Dean raises an eyebrow.

You feel the tension between the two of you building up more and more. He’s right there in front of you, so close to you.

✦and I am, I am starstruck…✦

“Yeah,” you breathe.

“And what about me are you thinking of?”

He places his hand on yours, sending goosebumps up your arms. You look up at him, biting your lip. For a moment you think this is a mistake, that there’s no going back from this. Then again, does it really matter? You’ll be dead in a matter of hours, do you want to die with regrets or do you want to die after experiencing absolute bliss?

✦…with every part…✦

You smile at him, but he can tell the smile is a pained one.

“This thing… between us,” you start. You look at his hand on yours, and nod to yourself. “I say… we stop ignoring it. All the flirting going nowhere? Let’s take it to the next level, Dean.”

✦…of this story.✦

Dean looks at you and smiles with that same pained smile. It’s tragic that it had to come to this for you two to finally get together. And I’d everything goes right, it’s sad that you won’t get a real relationship with him.

He takes your other hand in his, making sure to take things slow. Of course the both of you want to savor every moment of this night.

✦I’m not asleep, I’m up for the fight.✦

“Let’s do it, baby,” he says, finally.

He pulls you onto his lap, putting his hands on your waist. You cup his face, both of you just staring at each other, eyes burning into each others’ souls. Finally you break the tension, and your lips crash into each other, the touched starved pair finally getting what they both craved.

You pull deans shirt off, placing your hands on his chest, just wanting to feel his skin against yours. And it’s better than you’ve imagined.

✦Into the magic.✦

He takes your shirt off next, and you go back to kissing. His hands gravel up to your back to take your bra off. Dean, who has much experience, gets it off swiftly.

He pulls away to get a view of what’s in front of him. Suddenly you feel self conscious but before you could think to cover up he breaks the silence.

“You’re gorgeous, Y/N.”

✦And I don’t want the concrete.✦

You blush, looking down, but he tilts your head up to look into his eyes.

“I’ve been waiting for this forever, Dean,” you manage to say.

“Me too, sweetheart.”

Your hands travel down his chest, to his jeans, and you unbutton it slowly. Then you unzip his pants.

“Dean Winchester, looks like we’re going to be spending the rest of our lives together,” you joke. “Not long, but still.”

Dean cups your face, brushing his thumbs over your cheek. You haven’t noticed you were crying until he wiped your tears away.

“You sure you want this?” He asks.

“Yes, yes, I’m so sure. It’s just the whole… dying in a few hours thing.” You chuckle but it couldn’t hide the fear in your voice.

✦I am alive.✦

You shift backwards, pulling Dean’s jeans off, tossing them to the side. Dean pulls you to him and lays you down, getting on top of you. It’s his turn to pull off your jeans. Once he tosses them to the side, he kisses you again.

✦It’s comes with the tragic.✦

You trace your fingers down his side, until they reach the hem of his underwear, and you start tugging. He takes them off and starts taking yours off.

“Wet already?”

“Can you blame me?” You look up at him with doe eyes.

You feel his fingers gently rubbing circles into your clit, causing you to let out a soft moan.

“Are you sure you want this?” he asks you again. You only nod.

✦So if it’s just tonight…✦

“Dean, please, I want you. I want you so bad. I’ve wanted this for a long time,” you beg.

He nods, and adjusts himself on top of you, pumping himself before placing himself at your entrance.

“How bad do you want it?” He looks down at you.

“Dean, please!”

And with that, he inserts himself in you.”

“Ah!”

✦…the animal inside.✦

Dean thrusts in and out, starting at a slower pace, while he kisses your neck. Your hand goes to the back of his head, as you gently grab his hair.

✦Like it’s the end of time.✦

Dean unlatches from your neck, picking up his pace. You close your eyes in pleasure, when you feel his hands gently grab your face.

“Eyes on me, sweetheart.”

You open your eyes, and nod, looking into his eyes. You trace your finger up and down his chest, just wanting to put your hands all over him.

As he slides in an out, you can feel him hitting your sweet spot each and every time.

“Holy shit, Dean.”

He smirks in response, grabbing your thigh to pull your leg around him, allowing him to go in deeper.

“Fuck!” you yell, feeling him all in you.

✦Like everything inside.✦

“You feel so good, baby,” Dean groans, going faster.

You open your mouth to say something but all that comes out is moans and whimpers, as Dean is leaving you a speechless mess. He’s no longer going easy on you, as he pounds into you, and you’re loving every moment of it. Both of your legs are now wrapped around him, and you bring your arms around his neck pulling him closer to you.

✦Let it live and die.✦

You pull his face to yours and kiss him deeply. He nibbles at your bottom lip, making you whimper.

He removes your arms from around him, and takes your hands in his, holding them above your head, while he pulls away. He resumes the quick and hard movement in and out of you.

✦This is our last chance, give me your hands.✦

Your fingers interlock, but all you can think about is how you want to run your hands over every inch of his body.

✦‘Cause our world is spinning at the speed of light.✦

Dean grunts louder and more frequently as you both get closer and closer.

“Is it okay if I… you know,” Dean attempts to ask.

You understand what he’s trying to ask and you nod. It’s not like it would matter, you guys will be dead soon. And you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want Dean to fill you up.

✦The night is fading, heart is racing.✦

Dean kisses you again as he rubs your clit again. You feel an orgasm building up, your toes curling. Your walls close up around him, making him ground out a quiet “fuck,” as he throws his head back in pleasure. His lustful eyes grow darker.

✦Now just come and love me like we’re gonna die.✦

You both reach your highs, you moaning loudly, Dean filling you up. He slows his pace as you both come down, breathing heavily. And then he pulls out, and even though you’re very much satisfied, you just wish you both could have gone forever because this would be your last time.

Before he has the chance to lay down, you pull him close, and wrap your around around his back, feeling his chest against yours, skin to skin. You tear up, bracing yourself for death. Dean kisses your cheek and rolls onto his back, pulling you close to him so you can lay your head on his chest.

“That was great,” he finally breathed out.

“Better than I imagined it would be,” you whisper, trying to keep your voice stable.

The two of you laid in silence. All you could hear is his heartbeat: thump, thump, thump.

You fall asleep to his heartbeat.

✰✰✰✰✰

You open your eyes, and sit up. You look over to the clock next to Dean’s bed… 9:36am. It’s Saturday.

“Dean,” you shake the sleeping hunter next to you awake.

“Mm five more minutes,” he grumbles, turning over.

“Dean! Wake up! We’re alive!”

His eyes shoot open and he quickly gets up and looks at the clock then back at you.

“How?”

“I don’t know.”

You both get up, Dean putting on his underwear and a robe, you putting on your panties and his t shirt from last night, and you quickly walk out of his room, trying to figure out what happened. On the floor of the war room, was a body of a woman. Her dress was all white minus the red stain where she was stabbed. Her hair silver, her skin fair.

You and Dean exchange a look before he yells, “Sammy!”

Sam runs to you guys to see what the commotion is all about until he realizes you’ve discovered what he left last night.

“Sam, what did you do last night?” you ask him, unable to take your eyes off the girl.

“I saved the world,” Sam says, taking out the wooden stake used to kill her.

“You killed the moon goddess?!” Your jaw drops.

“Wouldn’t be the first time we killed a deity,” Dean shrugs.

You stand there shocked. Sam looks between you and Dean.

“What did you do last night?” Sam asks.

“Lived like we were going to die,” you answer, sheepishly.

[reigningqueenofwords]

Jessie

Word count: 1,478 Warnings: Talk of child death, talk of child abduction Request: @atcamillanorrman Dean and 78 ♥️ “Seven billion people in the world and I got put in a room with you. Either I’m cursed or God likes playing house with us.”

Read on AO3

You’d grown up hunting, just like the Winchester boys. They had their father, you had your mother. You were a year older than Dean, but every time your parents teamed up over the years… he took it upon himself to put himself in charge. It was honestly one of the most irritating things about him. As the pair of you got older, the more the pair of you butted heads. The only thing you could agree on? Keeping Sammy safe. That’s it. You liked Sammy. He was nothing like his older brother. If you had a brother, you wished he would be like Sammy. 

Your mom was killed on a hunt when you were 17, and you went on hunting. Alone. Then Sammy went by Sam and took off for college. You couldn’t blame him one bit. While there had been a time in your life you wanted the same, it had passed quickly. 

Shockingly, you didn’t come across John and Dean in those years that Sam was gone. You’d heard whispers about them, of course. It was hard not to. Bobby would ask you to give them a call now and then when you were on the trail of something nasty, but you refused. Why would you ask for help from Dean? John, sure. But with John, came Dean. 

Then you heard the other whispers: Sam Winchester was back, and John was in the wind. It piqued your interest. What would cause John to leave Dean? What the hell would cause Sam to ditch school? You’d caved and called Dean. “I want to check on Sam.” You told him. “I’m in Maryland, where are you two?” 

“What, not gonna check in on me? Am I not important to you?” He asked. 

You rolled your eyes. “Dean, just because you’re John’s favorite, doesn’t mean you’re mine.” You countered. “Can I please meet you guys somewhere? Three hunters is better than one or two.” 

He let out a sigh. “We’re about to hit the road. Hunt in Mississippi. I’ll text you the info.” 

“Cool.” You figured one hunt wouldn’t hurt, and then you’d be on your way. 

“Sammy! You got tall!” You grinned as you saw him. 

His face lit up, moving in for a hug, which you happily gave him. “It’s good to see you.” He lifted you slightly, making you laugh. “It’s been years.” 

You nodded. “What, like 8 or something?” You mused. “You were still tiny last time I saw you.” You reached up to ruffle his hair. “Talk about a growth spurt!” He was a good six or so inches taller than you, and the last time you’d seen him he’d been a good six inches shorter than you. Either that, or you remembering him as being way shorter than he actually was. 

“Do I get a hug?” Dean asked, smirk on his face. “I haven’t seen you in that long, either.” 

“No, I don’t know where you’ve been.” You shook his head, stepping into the room. “My room is right next door, so let’s get on with this hunt.” 

Dean huffed and nodded. “Fine.” He agreed, going to sit at the little table. “It’s looking like werewolves.” He started as you sat across from him. 

“Fucking hell.” You shook your head. 

“We’re alive, does that count for nothing?” He sighed, trying to wiggle open a window. It wasn’t doing a damn thing. “Sammy will get us out of here in no time.” 

You rolled your eyes, slamming yourself into the door. The door didn’t budge, and you let out a groan when you hit the ground bouncing off of it. You were doing everything in your power not to let your pain show. Breathing deep, you slowly got up. 

“Shit, Y/N. You okay?” Dean abandoned the window to help you. 

“I’m fine.” You snapped, pulling away from him once you were standing. “Seven billion people in the world and I got put in a room with you. Either I’m cursed or God likes playing house with us.” You grumbled. 

He put his hands on his hips, a hard look on his face. “What the hell is your problem with me? I haven’t even seen you in like 8 years, and you’re acting like I’ve done something to personally warrant you hating me.” He glared. “What gives?” 

You shook your head. “Whenever our parents would team up and we’d get left alone, you suddenly had to be in charge. Despite the fact that I’m older, and was told to look out for you two! As soon as they left, you got a bug up your ass that you were top dog.” You snapped. “And believe me, the things I’ve heard about Dean Winchester himself over the years don’t help. Cocky, arrogant, and a womanizer.” You glared right back at him. 

“I put myself in charge because I didn’t think you should have to look after a kid that isn’t yours.” He defended himself. “Sammy was, and is, my responsibility. Not yours. I was used to looking after us, why the hell would I want you to come in and take over? I figured you’d like only looking after yourself!” He argued. “Or are you that bossy that you have to tell everyone what to do? And I don’t know who the hell you’re talking to, either. Just because I like woman doesn’t mean I’m a womanizer. They go to the bar for the same thing I do: a night to just forget and have a good time.” 

“I love Sammy, why wouldn’t I want to look after him? I lost my baby brother, so it was like for a moment I got to watch out for him again.” 

He furrowed his brows. “Wait, what? I didn’t know you had a brother.” He admitted, a pang in his heart. 

You sighed. “He was a year younger than me. It was right after my mom started hunting.” Licking your lips, you focused. He wasn’t someone you talked about. Ever. “We were playing at a park. Mom was with us, too.” Dean watched as the pain took over your eyes. “I was 5, Jessie was 4. There were a few kids there, and as kids do…we all started playing. We were playing hide and seek while mom was chatting with another mom.” The tears started to well in your eyes. “After a few minutes, I couldn’t find him. I looked everywhere, and called his name. I thought he was being a brat and ignoring me.” You sniffed, shaking your head. It felt like it was just yesterday. You could still feel the breeze in the air, hear the leaves crunching under your feet, and hear the other kids laughing. “Finally, I went to tell my mom Jessie wasn’t playing fair. He’d been taken. No one had seen or heard anything.” 

“Jesus.” He breathed, getting emotional himself. 

“They found his little body a week later.” Your voice cracked. “And Sammy kinda reminded me of him, ya know?” Wiping your cheeks, you just wanted out of this damn house. “I couldn’t keep Jessie safe, but I could keep an eye on Sammy. I figured you were old enough, but Sammy wasn’t.” 

Without thinking, Dean pulled you into a hug. “Jessie being killed wasn’t your fault.” He managed, knowing that he’d feel responsible if something happened to Sam, too. 

You found yourself hugging him back with one arm. “It feels like it was.” You buried your face in his neck. Crying over Jessie wasn’t something you let yourself do. You cried when he was taken, and when he was buried. That was it. After that you bottled it up, not letting those feelings come to the surface. You’d let it turn into anger over the years, channeling it into hunting and hating Dean.

He rubbed your back gently. “After this hunt I’ll buy you a beer and you can tell me all about him. How’s that?” He offered. 

“Okay.” You instantly caved. Maybe talking about him would help you somewhat. “First we need to get out of his dump.” You sighed, pulling out of his arms. “Any ideas? Since windows and doors are a bust?” 

“We’ll figure something out.” He said confidently. 

Sam had busted you free a couple hours later. The pair of you had looked over every nook and cranny of that place, and had no luck. “Oh, good. You’re both still alive.” He breathed when he saw you both. “I was seriously afraid what I’d find behind that door.” 

You chuckled lightly. “Sorry, you’re not getting rid of one of us that easily.” You patted his arm. “I’m gonna be tagging along for a bit.” 

He looked surprised, his eyes going to Dean. “She serious?” He asked, making Dean nod. “Huh. I wish I thought of locking you guys in a room together.” He half joked. 

[queenhellwitch]

I'm so sick of writing this essay every day.

It WAS out of character, but it was written, so you have to find Sam's truth in it, as Jared once said. Everyone goes straight to, "well, Dean was ANGRY that Sam didn't look for him, so Sam was WRONG TO CHOOSE TO DO THAT." Do we honestly think that Sam stood there in that lab, wide-eyed and hyperventilating in front of Crowley and his taunting, thinking "Well damn, Dean's gone, I'm going to CHOOSE not to look for him." Not being facetious, because he might've done (it is, after all, the rational choice considering all the harm to creation they've caused as a team (and that's also kind of the truth Sam offers to Dean, when he later tries and fails to explain it to him).

So *was* it a conscious plan to offhandedly abandon his brother? I think not. Because we're shown throughout the seasons that Sam is usually such an analytical, practical person, and insanely single-minded and vengeful when it comes to saving Dean - even in the direst of straits, Sammy keeps his head; hits the lore, solves the problem. In character, he would've found out he was in Purgatory, he would've summoned Death and begged him for another random eclipse (another of which, by the way, had already been outright refused).

So why does nobody ever offer Sam grace and consider *why was he out of character?* It's because he was reeling. He'd lost everyone he'd ever loved, he was still absolutely swamped by guilt, head swimming with Hell trauma that had nearly killed him. He was running on fumes already at the end of season 7. He had no Bunker at that point, no comfort, no Bobby anymore. The angels were d1cks. No demons would make a deal. All he had left, and all he could do, was go back to the car. "I fixed up the Impala, and I drove." The scenes where he hit the dog, he was absolutely frantic. Reminded again how much pain and destruction he causes. Amelia was a lifeline, an (unhappy imo) accident - she just happened. He wasn't chasing happiness, or a normal life at that point. Just running.

So thoughts of Dean, the Life, Kevin, everything unfinished would come back and poke at his brain... At that point, do you stay hiding, buried, living in a motel, clinging to someone who makes you a birthday cake, fixing sinks, not being traumatised, abandoned, hospitalised, killed? Or do you give yourself an shake and say "c'mon Sam, stand up and find your brother, have the audacity to insert yourself back into a world where your *very existence* killed him, made his life hell, made his death literal hell, killed your own mother, father, the love of your life, millions of others, caused apocalypse, destroyed Kevin's life, got *his* girlfriend killed...

He, of course, can't say all that to Dean. How can he?

"we promised we weren't going to look for each other" - it's easier - prove it was a rational choice. "I met a girl and decided not to hunt anymore" - ok, Dean will be angry, but Dean's anger is usual, normal, and easier to deal with than facing Dean's disappointment in Sam's unravelling.

I might be overanalysing and giving him too much credit. But he deserves it and this is a Sam-positive post. And if you watch the scene with Cas and Sam in the cartoon world in Hunteri Heroici, you can *see* it. His ranting at Fred about living in a dream world isn't about Fred. It's all about his own anger at himself, taking on board yet more guilt, because he can never do anything right. He's more than out of character. He's an absolute mess.

[faithandfairies]

Destiel Musings: Earned

You know, I think the more I watch the relationship between Dean and Cas, the less I like the way it developed. At least early on. They did grow a lot over the years and things started to change for the better around season 11, I believe. Which kind of made the journey more worth it I guess if you think of where it started and how long it took to get where they got to later.

Initially though there’s a huge power imbalance that starts out with Dean pretty much at the angels’ mercy. It means that Dean is pretty much expected to do whatever they ask of him. And what they ask of him is not always good. Part of the reason a more equal relationship develops between Dean and Cas is because Dean refuses to play ball. He refuses to just follow orders from the angels blindly. Which I think initially annoys Cas but then peaks his curiosity. 

But then the power imbalance shifts the other way over time. Cas I think can sense a lot in Dean when it comes to who Dean is and his thoughts, feelings and motivations, which is akin to mind reading. He spends a lot of time looking like he’s staring into Dean’s soul and I’m starting to think that is probably close to what he’s doing. Dean intrigues him and as such he looks at Dean like he’s a code he needs to crack.

On top of that, humanity and human life in general confuse Castiel. He spends a lot of time with Dean trying to understand him and boundaries are clearly not a thing Cas understands initially, physical ones like personal space for sure but probably also mental ones. So I think he probably gets a pretty good feel for Dean pretty early on. 

And this is what starts to make him fall in love and subsequently makes the power shift severely. This wouldn’t be a problem if they ended up on equal footing but they don’t. Not really. Because Cas falls in love with Dean and as a result he is more likely to drop everything for Dean and do whatever Dean asks of him and he often doesn’t realize what it will cost him, usually everything, until after he’s already carried out his choice. 

This wouldn’t be as big of a problem if Dean actually looked out for Cas in turn. But he doesn’t. Not really. He looks out for Sam, because Sam is family. Sam is his little brother and so Dean considers himself Sam’s protector and caregiver even as adults. He’s very much like a helicopter parent. Which in itself isn’t great, but means that he usually wouldn’t leave his brother out in the cold. And while Dean also calls Cas family he doesn’t really treat him as such. He often treats Cas as a liability. Which I guess is the way Dean has learned to treat all family that isn’t Sam. But also because Cas’ power means he often has a target on his back that Dean can’t protect him from when he can’t protect himself. And the fact that humanity confuses Cas makes dealing with him often quite a bit harder, which becomes more of a non-issue in later seasons as Cas cultivates a greater understanding of humanity and human life.

But Dean not looking out for Cas as much and often using him as a means to an end leads to scenarios like Dean leaving Cas in a mental institute on the verge of crazy, after fetching him to save Sam. Or throwing him out of the bunker when he’s human and has nowhere to go and no way to take care of himself. It’s explained as him trying to protect Cas but it doesn’t come off that way. It comes off as Dean seeking Cas out when he needs him and then discarding him like yesterday’s trash without a single lifeline when he doesn’t need him anymore or when having him around will range from being inconvenient to being more trouble than it’s worth.  Of course, Dean often can’t return the favor even when he does want to because Cas is a celestial and the problems he needs help with are more often than not of a celestial nature.

Dean does get better about that eventually. Like with the attack dog spell he let’s Cas crash at their place even though he may be a danger to them and then afterwards he makes Cas take the time to heal at the bunker, which Cas spends binge-watching shows.

I wonder if that’s why the bunker kitchen is Cas’ bare minimum happy place. I mean, it’s Dean offering his home on earth to him and I imagine the kitchen specifically might be the place Dean likes to hang out the most in the bunker other than his room. Dean loves food and I imagine a lot of conversation and little family gatherings happen there. The TV is probably a throwback to Cas’ binge-watching days at the bunker as he was healing up but also serves as the distraction that keeps Cas occupied in his own head.

I also think that Cas’ default programming in relation to heaven does show in the way he is with Dean. Except that he was never supposed to be that way with a human. He was taught by heaven to be a soldier that should be willing to sacrifice everything for their cause. Which is exactly what he does for Dean when Dean becomes his cause. That’s how it starts at least, Cas believing in Dean’s cause which then turns into Cas falling in love with Dean himself.

Cas of course, in contributing to Dean’s cause often makes a ton of misguided choices that are intended to help Dean but instead often cause him and both human- and angelkind a world of trouble. It is a testament to Dean loving Cas and considering him family and also knowing and caring that Cas’ heart is usually in the right place that he keeps forgiving Cas for his transgressions. Not a lot of people get that with Dean. 

In Cas’ defense, he’s an angel who has spent his lifetime following orders from God. And when those orders cease and he is left without a clear blueprint to follow, he gets kind of lost. Mix that in with his newfound fondness for Dean and an admiration for Dean’s moral compass and you’ve got an angel who’s found himself a new blueprint. Whatever Dean says and believes. Only, while Dean is a decent role model compared to the angels, he’s still a flawed human making it up as he goes along. And Cas starts doing that too eventually, only worse because he’s new at this whole ‘free will and protecting those he cares about with actions based on his own decisions’ thing.

I think it’s also important to remember that until season 10 Castiel’s body is not his own in that he is sharing a body with an actual person with their own feelings and emotions and whatnot. So I think that might have something to do with the relationship between Cas and Dean changing for the better in season 11, which is when Jimmy is no longer part of the equation. It’s just Cas in there which means no having to take Jimmy into consideration. I think that his emotions can run free without potential inside commentary and resistance from Jimmy and without it being morally wrong for anything to happen between him and Dean because he’s sharing that body with Jimmy.

[incesthemes]

coming back to this i think you could also say the allegory is of azazel. almost every one of these points is equally true of him, save for the "living in squalor" bit which we simply can't know because we've never been shown any physical space in which he lives. but azazel too is an oppressively invisible force in sam and dean's lives, the very being which shaped their lives in the worst way despite never being seen once until just a couple episodes ago. and azazel too preys on children, fits this parallel even better than john because he routinely kills the parents of the children he preys on and uses to further his own goals. he has his "feeding" cycle of 20-30 years. he doesn't, however, fit neatly into the symbolism of living within the circus/hunter society, so just like john there are some places where the allegory isn't a 1:1 match.

i like the implications of this, and i think the fact that you can parallel both john and azazel to the rakshasa allows the audience to see their similarities as well as the futility of john's goals. much of john's choices are made from a desire to protect his kids, to counterbalance the destiny azazel laid out for them, but in making those decisions he inadvertently primed them for exactly azazel's plans. john did everything azazel wanted him to do, even though he was desperately trying to thwart that design. and in the end, john and azazel aren't much different, both the absent gods pulling on sam and dean's strings and manipulating them, preying on them, even if their intentions are quite opposites. john and azazel are equally responsible for the lives sam and dean were raised into, for their becoming hunters. and it is only when sam and dean abandon their father that they're able to overcome their fates and avoid falling into the cosmic scheme tugging at them. john becomes over the course of the story just as much a symbol of their destinies as azazel does, and it is only in their letting go and refusal of the father as an authority that they can even begin to choose each other instead.

so that's fun and cool ✨

consider the rakshasa in 2x02 as an allegory for john.

he's just died, and this episode is about sam and dean's grief, as well as their struggles as they try to move on from his death. the circus itself represents hunters and the hunter society they've just newly discovered (also in this exact episode), and the rakshasa is a monster hiding within that culture of misfits. much of 2x02 is from dean's perspective, and dean has just come to view his father in a violently negative light (consider the end of the episode, where he destroys the impala in order to symbolically hurt john).

so the rakshasa as john. the monster can turn invisible, similar to how john's presence in the narrative is oppressively absent: in season 1 he's missing, and now in season 2 he's dead. yet he's always present in spirit, even though sam and dean can't see him. he's an invisible force weighing down on them, there yet not.

the rakshasa also preys on children. this could be symbolic of the way sam and dean are rather emotionally immature, frozen in time due to the abuse they suffered as kids. indeed when children are featured as guest stars in an episode, they act as allegories for dean (see 1x03 and 1x18). the same thing is true for teenagers, who are typically paralleled with sam (see 1x05 and 1x08)—this present, if sparse, theming could indicate the emotional states of the brothers, or the points in their respective lives which have shaped them most strongly: dean lacks a childhood because he was forced to grow up too fast and therefore imprints on children, and sam is stuck a rebellious teenager, allowed to grow into adolescence due to being sheltered but perhaps stunted in growth as he becomes aware of the world around him and his own situation, and as he develops a lasting resentment toward john. therefore, the invisible monster john winchester is preying on sam and dean, both in their literal childhood and as their present-day selves, trapped in a state of immaturity due to a life of abuse and neglect.

i also like the little detail that the rakshasa lives in squalor, as this can be compared to the motel rooms and the car that sam and dean grew up in: their constant instability and run-down, cheap housing that sheltered them their whole lives. it's a stark difference from the comfort of a stable home, and combined with the nomadic lifestyle of a circus, there is a very striking parallel between the rakshasa's life and the life that john forced his children into.

(an interesting aside, but the rakshasa feeds in 20-30 year cycles, which is quite similar to the cycle azazel appears to be working with to create new generations of special children, which is around 23 years. not sure if this is intentionally drawing a parallel between azazel and john, but i wouldn't be surprised given the tangled-up, impossible web they exist in together.)

in the end, sam is the one who kills the rakshaka, as dean has been immobilized by it (the imagery recalling that of 1x22, where dean is immobilized by an azazel who looks like john; additionally, one can compare the emotional arc dean is suffering at the moment, metaphorically paralyzed by john's final wish and his inability to act on his own because he has spent his whole life a soldier to john's instruction). if the rakshasa is john, then it implies that sam will ultimately be the one to save dean from his conflict, the one to free him of his paralysis—and he does in 2x09, when dean embraces his codependent relationship with his brother, abandons his father, and throws down his gun to choose sam as his guide and moral center. the conflict of croatoan is all about dean finally coming to terms with the choice he's been given and making his decision: sam, above all else. and so sam is the one who saves him and propels him forward into the rest of the season, with his head on straight and his mind clear of distractions. sam above all else, no matter what, no nuance. just like here, where sam frees dean of the rakshasa's literal binding, sam too frees dean of john's emotional binding.

[scoobydoodean]

do you think dean only valued cas for his powers/usefulness? i know we see him enjoying his company but do you think he would if cas had never done anything for him? this isn’t deancrit more than simply pondering

Of course Dean values Cas for more than his powers/usefulness. Dean loves Cas. Cas is family and his best friend. If Dean only cared about Cas being useful, he wouldn't have kept Cas's coat in his car for a whole season (after Cas betrayed his trust and broke his brother's brain and everything). He wouldn't have refused to leave Purgatory with Benny before finding Cas. He would have banished Ishim to save his own skin in 12.10. He would not have argued with Sam about sending Lucifer into battle against Amara inside Cas. He wouldn't have sat pleading with Cas and calling him family as Cas was beating him to death. He wouldn't have plead with Chuck to bring back Cas and kill him and Sam (15.19). Cas couldn't have been his big win in early season 13 that turned him off the path of suicide if he only cared about him being useful. This compilation video is quite exhaustive and worth a watch.

I find your second, related question very perplexing. There’s an implicit premise in that question that I object to, and that premise is that if we were to remove Cas "doing things" "for" Dean over the course of season 4 such as:

Cas showing sympathy for Dean in 4.16 to the point of getting demoted (which very much did mean something to Dean).

Cas helping Dean leap out of the flow of causality in 4.18.

Cas in 4.20 (completely of his own accord because he knew it was wrong) reaching out to Dean through Dean's dreams and begging him to meet so Cas could tell Dean the angels were going to start the apocalypse only to get attacked by angels and dragged kicking and screaming back to heaven for reprogramming before he could rebel.

Cas rebelling and helping Dean try and stop Sam in 4.22.

What we'd be left with is a sort of "neutral" but still "good" Castiel, deserving of Dean's love and friendship, but potentially denied it because he failed to do what Dean wanted him to do in 4.18 and 4.22. In reality, if we remove Cas's acts of rebellion in season 4 (which are predicated upon Cas's doubts and convictions and desire to do the right thing—not him being some poor lovesick puppy) what we are left with is someone who uses Dean.

So let's not get it backwards: Dean and Cas's relationship starts with the angels only valuing Dean for his usefulness—not the other way around—and season 4 Castiel is Dean's handler. He shows up periodically to order Dean to do things for the angels (4.07, 4.09, 4.10, 4.16), take him places against his will (4.03, 4.16), tell him vaguely what his destiny is (4.02, 4.16, 4.18, 4.21), and get him to do things for heaven's purposes like prevent seals from being broken and interrogate demons for information. Cas holds the power between them every single time they are in a room together, and without the acts of rebellion that contrast his colder moments, all we are left with is someone who might get to tell Dean he has doubts in 4.07 and might get confronted by Anna over his complicity in the evil the angels are doing in 4.10, 4.16, and 4.22, but who never actually acts on his convictions and doubts because he is ultimately (at best) a coward who values the safety of orders over what he knows is right.

Without Cas's acts of rebellion, we don't get some poor neutral wet cat. We get someone who learns his superiors are going to carry out an apocalypse that will kill billions and does nothing. We get someone who threatens to throw Dean back into hell if he doesn't obey, threatens to harm Sam if Dean doesn't stop him from drinking demon blood (4.03), manipulates Dean into doing things Cas wants him to do (4.15), kidnaps Dean to force him to torture someone (4.16), and kidnaps Dean again to store him in a gilded cage while his brother unleashes the apocalypse... and then afterward, he'd be expected to help Zachariah force Dean to say "Yes" to Michael with manipulations, beatings, and threats to Dean and everyone he cares about. Expecting Dean to love that Cas (because why? Because Cas feels "bad" about treating him like a living doll?) is essentially a demand that Dean develop Stockholm Syndrome.

Season 4 Cas and Dean are not friends (Cas himself says this first, in 4.02). When Dean asks Cas to rebel in 4.18 and 4.22, he is not asking that of Cas as a friend who wants Cas to do him a favor. He is, as a human being—begging his angel handler who he knows has doubts to be a person instead of choosing to behave as a mindless robot whose only function is to unquestioningly carry out heaven's orders when he knows the orders are wrong (Anna does the same thing in 4.16 and 4.21!) In 4.22, Cas makes an assertion about his care for Dean. He says he's "sorry", but with every intention of continuing to hold Dean prisoner and carry out the apocalypse, and Dean punches him in the face for it because Cas isn't a friend at all and his "sorry" is empty if he's just going to continue being Dean's kidnapper (Anna rejected the same sort of false-ringing "sorry" from Cas in 4.10 when he was about to execute her).

One of the most perplexing beliefs in fandom about Cas that I tend to encounter is the idea that Cas rebelled against heaven entirely and purely "for" Dean. Most of fandom pushes this idea with no ill will because it's romantic, while smaller sectors of fandom push this narrative as way of claiming Cas gave Dean some kind of benevolent "gift" when he fell and Dean now owes him for eternity for Cas being so selfless and nice and loving, and Dean doesn't appreciate his sacrifices enough. Cas did not rebel as some "gift" to Dean. Cas chose to do the right thing.

Cas's entire season 4 arc is about him struggling with doubts about God's plan. He and Uriel keep getting orders they struggle to understand, and they both (in very different ways) end up realizing they can no longer obey without losing all sense of identity and violating all of their beliefs and convictions (4.07, 4.10, 4.16). Without Dean even knowing about it at first, Cas already rebelled against heaven in 4.20, after finding out the angels were going to start the apocalypse. He simply got caught and punished back into obedience. When Dean convinces Cas to rebel in 4.22, it is the second time Cas is overtly choosing to rebel against heaven and the apocalypse plan. The first time in 4.20 has nothing to do with Dean begging or pleading—he didn't even know. Dean convinces Cas to uphold his already existing convictions in 4.22. He pleads with Cas, saying, "You were going to help me once, weren't you, before they dragged you off to Bible camp. Help me now—please!"

What attracts Cas and Dean to one another over the course of season 4 is their mutual care for others—their love for people and their desire to do the right thing. Cas keeps showing Dean that, while he is struggling and conflicted, he loves humanity and he wants to do the right thing. He just isn't sure what that is (4.07, 4.16). Dean understands that and it attracts him to Cas. Dean's conviction and bravery in standing up to Cas's superiors to protect humanity, in turn, attracts Cas to Dean. A Dean who does not fight and claw for the sake of love is not someone Cas would have grown to care for in the way our Cas does, and a Cas who never rebels is not the man Dean grew to care for either. Maybe in a coffee shop AU, they meet and Dean likes that Cas is a bit of a dork. But in the actual canon of the show, removing Cas's conviction and desire to rebel does not make him a neutral character who just isn't "useful".

The love that develops between Dean and Cas's has nothing to do with what one "owes" the other or how "useful" they are to each other because their connection was never about that to begin with. It's about common values and common love for humanity. You cannot remove either ones convictions and rebelliousness in canon and have the same story and the same characters revolving around one another with the same mutual respect and mutual understanding. Dean loves Cas for his personality, and also for his rebellion. Not because Cas's rebellion makes Cas useful, but because it is a reflection of Cas's values, convictions, and character in the world they both live in, where they are both asked to make choices that go against their convictions by forces of evil and choose to fight and claw for what is right.

Of course there's a lot to Dean and Cas's friendship. A whole 12 seasons of content!!! There are moments where I think Cas starts to feel like he only exists to be useful to others, but there are also moments where Dean feels like Cas just wants to use him too, or like Cas doesn't give a shit about him and considers him a burden or disposable. There's a strange urge in fandom to frame Dean and Cas's friendship as one where only Cas is ever left feeling insecure or hurt, and that is wildly false.