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zel-shadedreviews · 3 months ago

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So, this movie had a rather interesting impact across the studio, animation and the internet. After his falling out with Disney, Katzenburg further wanted to get back at them with this as his secret weapon. This was based on a book of the same name, written by William Stieg, where his art style was replicated in the book opening. Decades later, the movie maintains a monstrous presence across the internet, spawning video after video about its content, where there’s even a reanimated collaboration done by several artists. While establishing itself as one of the most memorable films of its time and following, its content also made its mark on many animated movies that came afterwards.

In fact, the impact of this very movie is tremendous as DreamWorks changed their opening logo to its introduction.

Shrek, a feared ogre, isolates himself in the swamp until he’s approached by an escaped donkey and then a whole group of fairy tale creatures that were banished to his land. It turns out that Lord Farquard of Duloc banished them due to his high prejudice, causing Shrek to leave his swamp and demand him to reverse the change. In a pursuit to officially become king, Farquard sends Shrek on a quest to rescue the imprisoned Princess Fiona so he can marry her, but the ogre soon finds himself letting his guard down and developing some strong feelings.

To start things off, the plot is mainly the hero going there and back, Point A to B, but it fills itself with a key point that many amounts of media attempt to do by subverting its fairytale premise. It presented some great subversion of the cliches where the monstrous main character isn’t the bad guy and becomes the hero by the end, the princess isn’t a damsel, the dragon turns out to be a longing romantic and the how a unique couple get together by the end. It does follow Beauty and the Beast at first, but doesn’t base its whole storytelling based on the premise, rather than giving us an entirely new ending.

The film achieved a new style that’s meant to start as a jab at Walt Disney Animation Studio’s whimsical way of starting their movies with a book and narration; instead, Shrek begins the whole story, only to use the very pages as his own toilet paper. From the moment his outhouse flushes and he grandly steps out, that’s when the audience knew exactly what movie they were receiving. There’s not even a sign of an original song number from Shrek, but a track to fully represent what they’re heading for.

People liked to call this the “movie that started it all”; it contained tropes where nearly every animated movie tried to copy them, even to this day. You name it, something tried to copy its fairytale premise like Hoodwinked, Chicken Little and Happily N’ever After, while a plethora of the content such as immature fart jokes, celebrity voice-casting, the law of a dance party ending and many more were repeated rather poorly.

Shrek was the beginning of that but I can’t really fault it. I feel Shrek does all those tropes perfectly, as they fit the mood of the movie.

It was doing itself well, up until the misunderstanding where Shrek does overhears some horrible descriptions, where the mistake rubs off on Fiona. While it does cloud the third act, even having a whole song number, I felt that they executed the misunderstanding cliche rather well, as it’s meant to reflect on Shrek’s insecurities where he doesn’t want to be viewed as a monster. When he snaps at Donkey, he does sound legitimately heartbroken, where it’s up to the sidekick to call him out on his behaviour and make things right between the two of them.

There’s some movie references such as Shrek quoting Babe’s closing line and a Matrix fight scene, but they aren’t forced. I can actually see Shrek praising Donkey in that same fashion.

With every good joke, there’s rarely a bad one but some are poked at expense with the villain’s small height. I don’t have a problem as it’s the main characters making fun of the racist and egotistical villain, but they elaborated on the whole point and it got tiresome.

Why not talk about the characters? Shrek as the onion-obsessed ogre as he is comes off as a likeable and sympathetic creature, where he relishes in the hatred that people gave him due to their first impression. Shrek starts off as disgusting and mean-spirited to newcomers but as the movie progresses, he begins to soften up and actually express his true feelings; you see why he hates society and how people choose to fear him from his appearance alone, so his one wish is to permanently isolate himself from the entire civilisation. It’s how he’s viewed that takes a serious toll on his insecurities. It’s up to this adventure which changes his life for the better, meeting new companions that remain an impact.

In fact, Shrek’s character arc I feel is the strongest as you do see it in the entire franchise, minus the third movie, where he doesn’t feel accepted and how he doesn’t fit in. His progression is as strong as few main characters from the DreamWorks franchise such as Hiccup and Po.

Donkey is also a likeable character, where he’s the stand-in for the annoying sidekick trope at first, pretty much spewing mouth diarrhoea for most of the first act. However, that’s pretty much the point as Donkey basically wants to see a friend in Shrek, first seeing him as someone to look up to. When asked if Shrek’s species deters him the slightest, Donkey shows no sign of care, surprising the lonesome ogre. Donkey is essentially a little lost child who glues himself to the begrudging type, where no matter how many times he’s told to leave, he never does so. He does become an amazing friend at the end, helping both Shrek and the princess with their problems. Eventually, he would clash against the dragon, before revealing a rather feminine side from the beast, where the two form a hilarious connection.

Fiona is a really good character as well, shown as the princess who sticks to the common trope of how to be rescued but eventually learns to let loose. At first, Shrek sees her as just a way to get his home back, but then the two begin to respect each-other along the way; Fiona sees how Shrek has a heart, while he sees the boisterous and disgusting side to her, impressing him greatly. You also see a secret involving Fiona which changes the entire perspective and also becomes relevant for their connection at the end.

As for their connection, they do really work from one cliche involving the couple that argue at first before becoming one. While the two butted heads at first, with Shrek seeing Fiona as his main quest and the other repulsed by his appearance. Eventually, Fiona sees the sympathetic side to Shrek and treats him nicer, before showing a fighting side that astounds the ogre. While the misunderstanding trope was used, it adds more to their struggles in life as both are seen as monsters that don’t belong in a romantic fairy tale, which made them closer than before by the end.

I loved their fate by the end on how it twists the tale around by maintaining the princess as an ogre, who’s seen “beautiful” towards him. It’s a heartwarming spin on the broken curse trope.

Lord Farquard is a pretty good villain, standing as a brutal dictator who banishes the fairy tale creatures as they strike a horrible sign in his kingdom. He enjoys nothing more than seeing their suffering, going to the point of outright torturing the Gingerbread Man for answers and even murdering one of them for a decoration off-screen. He’s a loathsome creature, standing off as more of a monster than the titular character, seeing the fairy tale characters as lower-class citizens. He bares a horrible and distasteful face of pride, acknowledging that the knights’ deaths at the tournament are for solely his own sacrifice. His main goal is to become an official ruler by marrying a princess, where he himself doesn’t see her as a person but a trophy, even lusting over her image while in bed.

What adds to the surrounding joke was his height, which loses some points in the comedy for overusing itself. I’ve heard a common criticism from fans on how this contradicts the message of beauty within, where the mains would take pot shots at his height. I suppose that this was geared to the mains making fun of the villainous leader due to his prejudice remarks, where they share humour on his lack of intimidation.

Many fairy tale creatures make their mark in the movie but don’t clog up the running time with their appearances, where they’re shown as background characters that assist the mains: there’s the Magic Mirror that speaks like a game show host; Robin Hood, presented as the French-accented Monsieur Hood, who claims Fiona as his damsel and attacks Shrek with his Merry Men, only to suffer from the hands of Fiona; the banished group consisting of many familiar faces such as the disowned Pinocchio and three German pigs inform Shrek of their situation; there’s also the Dragon that guards Fiona’s tower, but is portrayed as someone who’s easily swooned by the flattering Donkey, surprising on how overly-affectionate she really can be. I liked on how they built up the scenario of the latter character where the writers don’t rub it off as a one-off joke, but involve her by the movie’s climax.

Nowadays, a lot of family features gather a ton of celebrities for the sake of marketing; this movie managed to have these actors perfectly fit their characters.

Originally, Shrek was going to be voiced by Chris Farley, but then the actor passed away, where there’s even footage of the archives. So instead, they hired Mike Myers as Shrek, where he gave the ogre a Scottish accent as opposed to a Canadian one, as he felt that it fitted the character’s background. Cameron Diaz aced the headstrong and spunky attitude of Fiona, allowing this character to have a variety of personalities from the gentle yet firm type and also one that glamoured in disgusting tropes. You can also tell that Eddie Murphy threw everything he had from his style of comedy into the character of Donkey, balancing in between of an annoyingly-talkative best friend and an innocent outcast. I’m also surprised that no-one else even mentions John Lithgow’s performance as Lord Farquard at all, where he delivered a great amount of booming nature from a short character while allowing some small comedic moments.

In fact, it’s the way how these actors delivered some basic lines such as “Why are you following me?”, “Two things, okay? Shut. Up.”, “I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.”, “… and so on and so forth.” and many more.

This is the last time I’ll mention how this movie’s iconic style changed the industry, as this contained quite a few pop songs. To put it bluntly, the movie shuns the idea of original songs, especially when Disney was achieving awards, and makes fun of that such as Shrek’s annoyance towards singing and Fiona’s high vocalisation causing a mother bird to explode. From the iconic beginning alone, we start with Smash Mouth’s All Star, presenting the wild home life of the main character and slapping the faces of newcomers that the overall feature isn’t even related to a musical. Whenever the very song is played, people will immediately name that Shrek’s anthem, as no matter how you look at it, the movie is always associated with the very song.

This would be another team that various family movies attempted to copy by throwing in any dated pop song to relate to the younger audience. However, this film is the pinnacle of how to do it right as the songs perfectly fitted the scenario relating to the characters: Bad Reputation covers the fight scene between the two rejects against the king’s army; we also receive a travelling song, I’m On My Way; My Beloved Monster is a no-brainer for the budding romance between Shrek and Fiona; I already went on about the unavoidable misunderstanding trope, where Hallelujah clouds the delivered depression; thanks to Lithgrow’s involvement, we end with another song by Smash Mouth, I’m a Believer, allowing Murphy’s performance, capping off the entire feature with a bang.

I’m honestly impressed that this movie still holds up in terms of its comedy, story and tropes done stupendously well. I can see where current audiences are coming from with the argument that this movie is overrated and played thanks to internet culture, but I never see this as the fault of the product. I still think it’s a fantastic movie where it holds up as a staple in animation history.

Final Rating: B+

9/10

#zelshadedreviews #dreamworks marathon #dreamworks animation #shrek #shrek review

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nonasuch · 2 years ago

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Where were we? Oh right, bad taste. I mentioned the Sexy Minuteman costume; I feel like that pairs well with Cheap Party City Wonder Woman.

These are just regular tacky, though. If you were wondering whether a Miss USA costume could be actively offensive, wonder no more.

Disrespecting Native culture and glamorizing the antebellum South? In an American beauty pageant? I’m sure you are just as shocked as I am.

So where am I going with this? Well, now I have a better sense of what a Miss USA national costume usually looks like, and therefore a much better sense of What Not To Do.

The thing that really jumps out at me about all these costumes is how generic they are. Lady Liberty, stars and stripes, Elvis, cowboys, NASCAR. The Old West bleached white and the Gone With the Wind South. I poke fun at some of the other Miss Universe costumes for being based on hyperspecific bits of their regional culture, but tbh I’ll take the sexy Gaudi lizard or the Tribute To That One Silver Mine over any of these.

I guess the answer is, it would have to depend on the contestant. Like, this year’s Tribute To The Apollo Program was apparently because Miss USA is from Houston, and NASA has the Johnson Space Center there. Which is still pretty generic, but it’s at least something to start from.

There are a few variations on Sexy Geographic Feature I can think of, depending on where Miss USA is from. Maybe something interestingly sculptural in Grand Canyon sunset colors, like a Charles James gown on steroids with sedimentary rock layers built up out of tulle, and a beaded blue satin river winding through it.

You could send a whole entire Entwife out there for the Appalachian Trail or the Pacific Northwest redwoods. A Floridian Miss USA could be a Weeki Wachee mermaid sea queen, or, I guess, a sexy manatee. A New Englander could walk out in a scarlet-lettered Handmaid’s Tale-looking outfit, until it transforms — surprise! into Daisy Buchanan or Donna Summer.

America can make a semi-legitimate claim to being the birthplace of the film industry, so a grayscale silent film star fluttering in on celluloid wings could be fun — and since this is the Go Big Or Go Home competition, she could have the wings unfold into a movie screen or something, or make it a transforming costume that goes from sepia to Technicolor. Actually, I’m shocked no one’s ever done a Wizard of Oz costume.

We’ve never had a Native American Miss USA, so hopefully the next time someone wears traditional Native clothing onstage it’s because she, you know, actually belongs to the culture it’s from. I think a moratorium on southern belle looks would also be wise, unless a Black Miss USA wants to make some significantly more pointed commentary than her predecessors.

So I guess my answer would be very different depending on the Miss USA I’m designing for, but I’d try to make it more specific, more detailed, and a lot weirder than Miss USA national costumes have historically been.

if you were in charge of next year’s Miss Universe National Costume for the US, what would you design?

Oh, that’s a good question.

You actually made me go and look up as many past Miss USA national costumes as I could find, and uh. it’s not great, guys? Like, there are a variety of Statue of Liberty / Patriotic Winged Lady looks, with execution ranging from “meh” to “I’ll allow it, I guess.”

And there’s a bunch that are absolutely phoning it in. Or, in the case of Miss USA 2002, saying “there’s literally no way this costume gets to be about anything but 9/11 so I am making the safest possible choice.”

Even the ones that put in some effort still ended up with Standard Showgirl, But Make It Patriotic.

There were occasional science-themed costumes.

And the unforgettable Optimus Prime one, of course. But also I somehow missed the year when Miss USA was literally just an Emmy Awards statuette???

I’m hitting the mobile image limit and I haven’t even gotten to the Sexy Minuteman outfit yet, so I’m going to have to continue this (and actually answer the question) in a reblog.

#asked and answered #miss universe national costume #all clothing is costume

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milfhandholder · 2 years ago

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Sebagrell hcs bcs I realized I've been too mean to them even though I love this ship since birth

(Feat. Ciel who is their adopted son)

Grell likes to be all tough, claiming that nothing scares her but Sebastian knows that she'd run behind him if some weird shit pops out

Because he can shapeshift, Sebastian is used as Grell's mannequin to help her decide if some physical changes are worth it or not

Grell "likes kids but hates taking care of them" Sutcliff and Sebastian "hates kids but can take care of them" Michealis

I think they'll end up together or even flirt around with the idea post-kuroshit, they need some character development first lmao (read my oneshot u_u)

They're genuinely so mean to each other sometimes that people around them will go ??? but they know each other's boundaries well enough to know what they can poke fun at and what they should never take a jab at

Demons can't feel love bla bla but Sebastian is like something something "I do enjoy your company, you make me happy. I think that's what love is for me"

Sometimes Sebastian does feel terrible for not loving her in 'the normal, human way' so he overcompensate for everything. For example if Grell mentioned she's been into girls lately, he'd shift into a more feminine form

Once, it got so bad that Grell just had to tell him "I'll do all the loving for the both of us from now on so you'll be able to love me as much as you're capable of. We'll be ok"

Grell sometimes treat Ciel a little too nicely and Sebastian is like "do you care for the boy?" and she denies it forever

Ciel is supportive of the relationship on the basis that he thinks it's the most entertaining thing ever like fuck yeah demon reaper bullshit

Ciel to Grell: on one hand, you've caused irreversible trauma but on the other hand, he also did that

If Sebastian were to ever decide (during present time) to court Grell, she'd be so petty for no reason bcs 1) she doesn't really like him in That way and 2) how fucking dare you think I'd be so easy to accept

Their love language is fighting each other <3 bcs that's what battle freaks do

Sebastian sees a picture of young Grell and collapses bcs cuteness on the spot ❤

Grell shoots the trans beam at Sebastian. Actually it was more of Sebastian realizing that most people don't 'love the idea of identifying as different genders everyday' when Grell told him about her gender exploration

T4T couple everyone (trans x nonbinary genderfluid)

Grell would bring some funny modern thing from Dispatch and Sebastian jokes that he can't wait to see that happen in real time

Grell: they're going to wear suits to the goddamn minion movie

Sebastian: hm, can't wait to join them

They become bigger idiots with one another and it bothers Ciel a lot

Ciel: you need to break up with him

Grell: why??

Ciel: BCS YOU TWO BECOME STUPID TOGETHER

Sebastian rarely sees her legitimately angry so when he does, it's like an Experience

They're always fashionable together, no planning needed

#kuroshitsuji #black butler #grell sutcliff #kuroshitsuji grell #sebastian michaelis #sebagrell

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daggersandarrows · 2 years ago

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I haven't watched cinema sins in ages, but I love other people's points of view

can I ask what people aren't understanding about it? /gen

well the post was mostly a joke, but i do have an actual opinion on it.

i tend to see two primary attitudes about cinema sins: one being "omg they're being so mean this is the best movie ever why can't they leave it alone"

and two being "anybody else feel like cinema sins has kinda stopped making valid critiques? i feel like they're saying the same kind of thing over and over"

essentially: people who think that they're making serious commentary, and that it's bad commentary/unfair/undeserved/whatever, and people who think they're making serious commentary, and that it's (mostly) good commentary/fair/deserved/etc.

which is laughable to me because i think it's always been quite obvious--like EXTREMELY obvious--that they're doing neither? i think that it originally started as a gimmick to point out, almost exclusively, continuity errors, and if you go back and watch their very earliest videos, that's mostly what they are. newspaper clippings with incorrect headlines. mugs that are blue in one scene and green in the next. the sun being higher in the sky than it should be. that kind of thing. and amongst that, they've scattered in little jokes, mostly of the "anna kendrick isn't my girlfriend in this scene" variety.

i think as they evolved, they branched out from that, and the commentary sometimes became serious critique, sure--everything wrong with a series of unfortunate events for example is a movie you can tell they legitimately, heavily disliked--but mostly? it's jokes. the sins are not cliches, they're tropes. cinema sins has been parodying the kind of dudebro who gets mad at a movie for having normal story beats for years. sinning narration, sinning protagonists fight before the third act, sinning "x expects me to believe this" in a heavily suspension of disbelief reliant children's movie...all of it is just poking fun at the kind of people who can't sit down and enjoy a thing without ripping it to bits for existing to save their lives. and the reason i know it's poking fun at that and not serious is because they've said it so many goddamn times.

everything wrong with the shining is chock full of jokes about how only the most evil of people would dare to sin such a movie--they don't use the sin counter, they use hal 9000, and jeremy says several times that it's "messing with his head" to sin it so much. jeremy will often sin something for being one way then sin it for being the opposite way and then point out his own hypocrisy. hell, he will sin a movie for not explaining itself, and then when the explanation comes, he will sin the movie for proving him wrong.

the channel trailer is a parody of their own style making fun of themselves, and among their sins is the fact that they've sinned several of their favorite movies of all time, and that none of them have ever made a movie. on top of that, you can really tell when they love a movie, because on top of sin removal, even the sins themselves will be chock full of commentary on how brilliant a scene or an acting choice is, and then jeremy will tag on the teensiest fault to justify it as a sin.

anyway. tl;dr, cinema sins has been parodying whiny perfectionist movie criticism for years and everyone thinks they're serious and i have no idea how.

#cinema sins #everything wrong with #thane.txt

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deanwasalwaysbi · 4 years ago

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I've gotta say, I find the concept of Bedlund trying to Ben-Hur Jensen absolutely hysterical. I'm just imagining Jensen getting a script and being like "Ben?? What's this? Is this gay? This seems gay????" and Ben just soothing him like a frightened horse.

Hahaha - Look it wouldn't be the first time. What is this verb we're working with? Okay. Strap in everyone. The Multi-Oscar-winning 1959 movie 'Ben Hur' had a bunch of gay subtext. The writer, the director, and the second lead actor all knew that Charlton Heston's character, Ben Hur, was gay. However, one person didn't find out until the 1990s: Charlton Heston. The consensus on set was "Don’t tell Charlton, because he’ll freak out." and when Heston found out in the ninties, freak out was exactly what he did. (x) [the movie may have gotten a reference from Misha back in season 6 (x)]

Whether this happened with Jensen on SPN depends on two things.

Was the character of Dean intentionally written as Bi and, if so, at what point did that become true?

Did anyone tell Jensen? Did he figure it out? if so, when?

I personally DO believe at this point, I really do, that Bedlund - Ben Hur'd Jensen. I think it was part of the writers room but not all of it, until it was. (Which RN I believe finally happened under Dabb.) I think Jensen wasn't in on it, until he was. So for me? I think he really was in the dark at one point. But at what point that changed? Probably only he can answer that question. and RN? He ain't talking.

In the meantime we can only look at things Jensen has said on the subject - Like this unbearably ambiguous GIF set from @nikadd. Was this tongue in cheek? Legitimate ignorance? You're killing me, Jensen. That cheeky lil smile, Jensen. Nvm - I'm going to kill you instead. It's for my own survival. No hard feelings right? You understand.

UH OH HERE COMES A CUT TO HIDE A LONG DERANGED POST...

We can look at the text for number 1 - and I do that uh - a lot - see the blog name #Dean Was Always Bi

For number 2 we can look over some points when we got clues from what Jensen thought was going on [regardless of whether they make sense based on his jacting or directorial choices I guess] and get left wondering whether at any point he felt pressured to lie for his career, for self protection, or to protect the narrative from the network:

2010 - 'We're missing the gay angel' (x) (Season 5 gag reel) (x) “Sorry man, not what the show’s about.” Jared: One of the good and bads about playing the straight [non-comedic] character on the show… Jensen: What wait? I’ve been playing him so wrong

2012 / S8 - Trenchcoat - Jensen talking about how sometimes they change the lines because they're way too gay. Calls Cas a third brother

2012 - "What's Destiel?" Ben Edlund: That’s some weird shit. Jensen: Is this something that you created, Ben? Ben: You don’t want any part of that.

“Don’t ruin it for everyone now” “I still don’t know what the question was. I’m going to pretend I don’t know what the question was.”

2013 @ JIB, re Dean’s reaction to Aaron’s flirting in the season 8 episode Everybody Hates Hitler, (x)

“And the scene wasn’t written to be that kind of - I mean - It was written to be awkward. Ben Edlund wrote the - my favorite line in that scene was ‘carry on . citizen’ that was - I almost couldn’t say that with a straight face I was laughing so hard. But it was - you know - it was comedy. It was a comedic moment in the show and fortunately Dean gets a lot of the comedic moments in the show and it was just, you know, Ben was poking fun at the fact that - you know, how can we make this very kind of manly, heterosexual guy uncomfortable - uh -you know, or or have him back on his heels and throw him off his game a little bit.”

The thing is - Bedlund and Phil Sgriccia made very clear on the commentary track that THEY saw this scene as a 'romantic comedy kind of fluster' "This potential for love in all places."

Ben Edlund calling the writer’s room a boy’s club in 2013 (x)

Misha Collins telling Destiel fans they aren’t Crazy in 2013 after some executives said they were (x).

2014 Jensen says he was glad there wasn’t much Dean and Cas in season 9 - HA Hah HAH (x)

“I think the whole Cas and Dean thing has gotten out of hand” “I don’t think there’s anything secret to their relationship even though a lot of people wish there was” REMINDER - that season we got the nightstands acknowledgement and “play him like a jilted lover” and the “he dumped me James” cut and -

I certainly know that Misha and I don’t play that. SIGH. they Ben Hur'd Jensen.

2014 - the fan fiction joke - 10.05

“I didn’t have a positive reaction, The first time in I think 200 scripts I went and sat down in the showrunners office and said, ‘What in god’s name are you doing?! Why? I need to understand why this is happening.’” “[Carver] gave very eloquent answers and did a great job of explaining why we were doing what we were doing, I guess I had been aware of this ‘fan fiction’ for a while and I felt like maybe if I ignored it, it would eventually go away. When I read it in the script that is what I do for a living and is my work—I’m very protective of these characters and the story and I think we have a right to be—I wasn’t angry. I just wanted to understand why and what was the message we were ultimately sending with this script and story. By the end of it, I felt good and it gave me all the confidence I needed. It was better than I could have ever hoped.”

But then there's Jensen in 2015 talking about all of Dean’s bromances. (x) [gifs at the top] Could go either way - starting to figure it out? or No?

What had changed if anything? the entire Crowely season 10 story line? This was July 2015 - the same day as the SDCC 2015 panel where Misha talked about Destiel (x @ 13) Carver and Dabb were there -

By this time Jensen and Misha were nominated for a teen choice award for best chemistry against various tv couples (and one ensemble cast, but the award nomination did NOT include Jared) .... Misha and Jensen would go on to WIN this award one month after the panel.

At the Panel Rob and Rich ask the question: “You two have branded yourselves as TV’s greatest team since, ... idk who.... Ernie and Bert so.” [Misha says to Jensen & Jared, half not on the microphone: “I really didn’t expect them to throw us under the bus.”] “are we going to see that continue? Is the Castiel Dean relationship still aflutter and still growing as we move into season 11?” Jeremy Carver: “Ish.” [mocking from panel ensues] “Yes. Of course. I mean Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. There’s no doubt.”

Jensen Directs 11x03 and the choreo mimics Goodbye stranger (x)

2016 - Jensen: Dean could have a huntress, but you’d kill her.

Jan 2017 Con the infamous - no hedge - harsh - “Destiel doesn’t exist.” (x)

I would hope that if he knew he wouldn’t have been so harsh with it. So by that point either he still didn’t know - OR - to him ‘Destiel’ was specifically about internet porn/sex and not like - the potential for feelings / a relationship. It makes me think about something Misha had actually said, around 2013, “It’s called ‘Destiel’ and it’s about the romantic interludes between Dean and Castiel.” (x)

2017 - jib8 Jensen called Dean a lover of the ladies

May 2017 - After filming the end of season 12:

2018 - Misha confirms he and Jensen have talked about Destiel (x) - also 2018: The Bisexual Dean essay "? No." (Oh god was this really this recent?! I can't deal with this.)

Well. SOMETHING happened in 2019. cuz here it comes

2019 - "Dean has no taste, clearly." 2019 - 'So, tell us just a little bit about what you're most excited to tackle with your character this final season.' "Cas. Just like a full football form tackle."

Look at this face he gave Dean when Cas told him he loved him and tell me he wasn't playing into it here. You can't. (x)

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ignisnocturnalia · 4 years ago

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hi I liked the HCs that you wrote and was wondering if you could do Drifter X Reader relationship HCs?

No exposition for this one because I was lowkey LOST on where to start with this lmao. I also disappeared because the 7th was my birthday and I'm not doing anything but being a dumbass with my friends on my birthday. Lastly, I usually only write in my classes since I do my work at home but I've been buckling down on this one since I promised them a while back

Drifter x Reader HCs

Relationship

Obviously, you meet through Gambit

Sometimes you’ll be an announcer during his games by stealing his comm line and the Guardians in the arena will hear the immense struggle over who gets to be the commentator for the match

On the down time, he’ll teach you how to play card games other than the ones you already know; he refuses to play poker against you if you’re the house. He’s seen enough games to know you count cards

PDA is absolutely off the table because he has a persona to upkeep, but in reality he’s afraid some “old friends” are going to try and pay you a visit if they realize you mean something to him

If you’re a Stasis user, he’ll ask you to run all kinds of experiments for him and there are a few moments when he gets caught up in the ice and you tease him for getting too close

Since he isn’t too welcome in the City, both of you spend your alone time in the Derelict. He wants to expand the space to make room for you, but that’s a bit difficult considering the state of the ship

Both of you talk about messages you get from the Emissary, and even though both of you pour your heart and soul into deciphering it, you always fall short and unwind with a drink afterward

By sheer coincidence, you confirmed that he was actually an excellent cook. You offhandedly asked him about his Hive guts to burn a fire comment from an earlier Gambit game and you’d be damned to admit that the meal he made for both of you that night could make all the disasters outside disappear

Calls you sweetheart instead of sister/brother, and you get some VERY concerned and/or questioning looks from other Guardians

You guys can laugh about anything, LITERALLY anything, but if you have any concerns you share them with each other; if he’s letting you be in a relationship with him, trust is plentiful although he still obscures his end goal because he doesn’t want to scare you off

If you don’t already have a knack for it, Drifter and you like to build trinkets. Deadly ones, of course! Helping him update his mote bank (lots of Taken floods smh) and add new Gambit weapons to his repertoire all make for interesting and productive dates as well as stories to poke fun at each other later

NSFW 👁👄👁

Faithful switch leaning towards dom; he likes to pleasure you before himself but isn’t afraid of switching up the roles, he even encourages it sometimes to “spice up” the bedroom

He controls himself very well and his recurring bouts of stress blot out his sexual urges, so 9 times out of 10 you’ll be the one initiating the activity and he’s more than happy to provide

When you do get into it, he makes good use of limited space; it’s common to find yourself bent over a rail guard somewhere in the Derelict during the act and even more common to have your body pressed into his work desk if you make a move while he’s doing something

He KNOWS how to use his hands, the dexterity is real when he’s petting and pinching your sensitive spots

When you do switch positions, he likes it a lot when you scratch or bite him and just grabbing in general

Edging, both ways, to you when he wants to watch you squirm and/or beg, and to him when you haven’t reached your climax

Unsurprisingly godly amount of stamina for a human, he’ll only ever go to extra rounds if you feel up for it; 2 is the minimum if you’re just a horndog, 3 if he’s feeling generous, and 4 if you’ve been down real bad lately

He’s into dirty talk and praise, and he’s definitely better at delivering it than receiving it

Kisses everywhere, and especially around your neck and shoulders; he might get carried away and leave a hickey but he thinks it’s much cuter if you get flustered by it the following day

If he legitimately has something to do that can’t wait but you also need him, he’ll do one of two things: pull off a quickie, or if he’s confident enough in his abilities, have you ride him while he works

Fluff

Since his bed is so dang small, you always spoon or hug each other like koalas when you sleep

Want him to sleep faster? EASY. Just pet his head and run your fingers over his scalp and boom, you got a sleeping Drifter

You don’t know where he gets them from, and you don’t want to ruin it by asking, but he brings you assorted chocolates after coming back from “business” (probably Spider, but you won’t hold him to it)

Hugs when you two are alone are pretty frequent and most times you just hold each other for a long time

He usually avoids unnecessary new activities unless you really want him to try it; this includes foods, places, and the like, but he’s willing to do a lot to see you happy

You both like to poke fun at the Vanguard and leave “presents” (confetti bombs and other benign pranks) and when Zavala questions you about it you shrug it off. Your Ghost records it and you laugh at the Titan’s face with Drifter later on

If you like music and sing or hum, he will appear out of nowhere and start singing (poorly) with you if he knows what the song is

You guys hold mock therapy sessions for each other by laying your head in the others lap and belting out what's bothering you; sometimes it leads to a solid resolution, but most of the time you both figure out what you need to do because your partner is spouting nonsense

Per your request, there is a day reserved for movie nights with each other. You have an excuse to try making new food and learning his secrets while enjoying Golden Age movies with him under a massive fleece blanket Eva gave you many Dawnings back

When you get a cool new shader you like to have fake fashion shows and strut around like a peacock; he thinks you look ridiculous doing it but it always gets a laugh out of him and when you ask him what he thinks he will always say he loves it (not helpful if you’re looking for an unbiased opinion)

#destiny 2 #relationship headcanon #drifter x reader #the drifter

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bendgineer · 2 years ago

Text

Thor: Love and Thunder spoilers below:

Not as good as Ragnarok, but I think it (mostly) stands up as a decent marvel movie. I would say it's around middle of the pack. I really loved seeing Jane Foster as the Mighty Thor, and in general the characters were good. My one problem with it is tone. Like... I felt legitimately SAD for Thor at the end of the movie. That tone is not consistent with the first 95% of the movie, and probably not what they were going for either. Feeling bad is absolutely NOT what I want from a Marvel movie too.

The issue is that the theme they went for in this movie was that Thor is lonely and needs someone to love in his life. And at the end of the movie they give him that adoptive daughter... but tbh I had NO reason to give a shit about her. Up until the very end of the movie she was just a plot device for the god killer. And even at that point, it felt like she was just a plot device for Thor. The thing that was supposed to give him fulfillment and make him happy. It felt like I was supposed to be happy for Thor... but I wasn't. Because I had NO reason to care about that girl. I don't even know if she had a name?

And the thing is, in the very begining, they movie literally poke fun at all the people in Thor's life (who he cares about a lot) have died... And then they go and kill Jane too. You just feel bad for the man. I don't know, it just feels like there must have been a better way to end the movie?

#thor spoilers #thor: love and thunder #thor #marvel

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dancer-me · 3 years ago

Note

18, 23, and 24 for end of the year fanfic asks?

Hihi! 🥰

18. current number of wips

*opens up stories folder* Uh... we're looking at 4 active WIPs, of which 3 are for 9-1-1 (Chaotic Energy Part 3, Buddie Smut, Tucker Davies sequel) and 1 is an ancient one for Naruto that I might actually legitimately finish. I have 2 abandoned 9-1-1 WIPs because I started writing them as like... speculation in advance of some episodes this season but never finished them in time, and of course they did not align at all with canon in the end, and I simply do not know what to do with them?

I have another 3 that are at this point just titles and maybe some outlining because I've thought them up but haven't actually written anything yet.

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

Okay so... one of the 3 "just a title and maybe some outlining" fics I mentioned above has a massive outline because it is for a multi-chaptered AU to be titled, "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" where the 118 is a bodyguarding agency and Taylor Kelly (TV personality) and Ana Flores (Actress) need bodyguarding. Taylor Kelly engaged the 118, and Eddie, fresh out of the military, is working for a different bodyguarding agency and is guarding Ana. Eddie and Buck keep meeting because Taylor covers a lot of the events / shows that Ana is at, and they vibe, and there's also action and drama. All my chapters are titles to different Whitney Houston songs, because clearly I was vibing on Whitney Houston's bodyguard movie from back in the day when I dreamed this up. But... actually writing it scares me because what if it sucks and what if no one wants to read it and so I haven't done it yet.

But maybe I will. Someday. Probably.

24. favorite fic you read this year

THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE because I just got back into fanfiction this year AND into 9-1-1 fanfiction specifically and this fandom is overflowing with talent and I have read 4 years worth of fics in the space of 8 months. I have never seen this many fantastic writers all in one place before and it blows my mind. Someone tell me which fandom y'all move to when you stop fixating on 9-1-1 because wherever you are going I want to follow.

I am going to cheat, aggressively, and name a handful that I have reread multiple times just this year alone:

Those Two Firefighters by DarkFairytale

This is an absolute classic. It's super fun, mostly POV outsider and pokes a lot of fun at fandom culture. I adored it.

Leading with the Left by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

What can even be said? It's hot. It's exceptionally well written. It's fun. Different first meeting because Buck spends some time in his pre-118 travels working as a stripper and Mexico and Eddie has a bachelor party to go to.

Tethers by red_to_black @redtooblack

It's a WIP but it's 300k+ and already feels like 3 completed stories in one. AU where Buck is a firefighter who also does the fake boyfriend thing on the side, and Eddie is new to LA and trying to get his ex-wife off his back so he decides to engage Buck as his fake boyfriend, even though Eddie, himself, is obviously 100% straight no doubt about it.

I Didn't Know I Was Lonely 'Til I Saw Your Face by HMSLusitania @hmslusitania

This is my comfort fic. Different first meeting AU where Eddie and Buck are both firefighters but for different houses and they both get sent to therapy given the events of Season 3 and they decide to do the couples therapy thing because it's funny but also will keep them accountable to actually getting therapy.

Leave the Light On (I'll Be Coming Home) by HMSLusitania

If you want to cry your eyes out with the promise of a happy ending then this is the place for you. Hayley really knows how to masticate your heart and then make it all better with beautiful romance. AU in which Eddie "dies" (temporarily) and Buck becomes Christopher's guardian.

white house AU by buddiebuddie @buddie-buddie

AU where Buck is the President of the USA and Eddie is his secret service agent and I cannot tell you enough how much I adore this.

you can tell everybody this is your song by woodchoc_magnum @woodchoc-magnum

Buck and Eddie get together during that canon week or two when Christopher is at summer camp and what we have here is 548k words and 27 parts of domestic Buddie romance and an ever-evolving story that I cannot get enough of.

Five Minutes by Onelonely_tortillachip @onelonelytortillachip

Set during the lawsuit era where there is a misunderstanding and everyone thinks Buck died in a plane crash, except he actually had just switched to a different flight and doesn't know about the issue. Huge amounts of angst and reconciliation ensues. Another great one if you feel like crying and are in the mood for Lawsuit Arc.

I have about 100 more to add to this so I guess check out my AO3 bookmarks too because I already went 800% overboard with this since my brain blue screened when asked to pick just ONE fic for 2021.

#danswers #fanfic end of the year asks #ask game answered #afoldintime #normally I can follow instructions but I definitely could not here #I CANNOT DO JUST ONE FIC #I would also recommend everything that every author on this list has written #the talent boggles the mind #And still there are so many favourites I didn't put on this list because I was already overboard but I'm like ITCHING to share #so hit me up I'll tell you more if you want more I'm simply out of control

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razorblade180-heated · 4 years ago

Text

Warmth

[Smut! Also I’m aware of the canon, and? Read my tags]

Nice guys finish last, a common phrase tossed around to any dude with dipshit friends that clearly fumble their way into relationships. At least that’s what Ilia thought. She also wondered why it was just guys? It’s not like they’re the only ones striking out or being told to act rude. She should know. Unfortunately, she’s been both the worry wart, and the dipshit. You would think romance had clear instructions by now. After all, love comes for everyone given enough time. Even her, but there lies the problem. Ilia couldn’t admit it. Not to the only person that it matters to. Ilia could fight grimm, be a terrorist, a good person, and stand outside a hotel room an entire kingdom away with luggage held tight like she is now, but for the love of everything not annoying, Ilia couldn’t tell one nice guy that he makes her feel like she’s walking on air.

It had been several months since her and Sun got a little more serious. The emotional soul searching definitely took time, and every choice felt like do or die for her, but Ilia was finally in a place emotionally that truly felt good. Most of that was thanks to Kali. The woman was always there to lend an ear. All that searching though put several things temporarily on a back burner. One of those things was visiting Sun. Expenses to Vacou was one thing, but Ilia didn’t want to visit him while feeling completely out of sorts. It wouldn’t be fair to him. That didn’t stop Sun from blowing up her scroll with facetime messages. That dork worked out a time zone schedule and everything. It was sweet; the kind Ilia wasn’t used to but definitely wanted more of. It had been far too long since she saw that cheeky monkey boy in person.

Ilia stared down the door as she psyched herself up. “Don’t be nervous. Dooooon’t be nervous.” She muttered to herself. She finally knocked on the door and waited in brief suspense as the door swung open aggressively. Ilia was effortlessly pulled into the room and more importantly, into a hug. It took her a moment to realize she was less than an inch away from pecks and wrapped in warm arms. She tilted her head up to see shiny white teeth smiling at her.

“Hey Ilia. Have a safe trip?”

Her freckles turned a little pink and she pouted. “We’re skipping over the fact that you just surprised me? How’d you know it was at the door?”

“Ummm you were mumbling out there for a few minutes.”

“Oh…” Ilia lost the nerve to look at him and choose to hide her face in his chest. How much did he possibly hear!? It was too embarrassing to think about. “How’ve ya been?”

“Oh ya know, missions. Scarlet had a party yesterday, obviously things got out of hand.”

“Fire?”

“No it was actually bandits. He didn’t help fight. Him and Neptune song Toxic while Sage and I handled everything.”

Ilia looked back up at Sun. “That sounds awesome! Man, I should’ve booked an overnight flight!”

“Yeah we could’ve used another fighter.”

“We both know I would’ve been drunk onstage with them.”

“Listen, you could’ve let me dream.” Sun said, laughing gently. It was criminal to be this endearing. Ilia wasn’t sure how Neptune or anybody could deal with this brightness so easily. However, Ilia would love to learn.

“Uhh, Sun? You’re still hugging me.” Ilia stammered.

The boy's face turned a little red and he quickly let go. “Whoops! Hehe, my bad. Got a little carried away.”

“That’s nothing new.” She jabbed at him. “Wearing your heart on your sleeve is what you do best.” Ilia stepped further into the room. “Or maybe it’s picking rooms…”

The hotel room had a glass door on the other side that led to a balcony to look out at Vacou’s desert beauty. A huge couch was smack dab in the middle of the room that faced a wide screen. Sun clearly brought his own things. Wires from the bottom went down the wall and connected to a game system with tons of things to play and watch. Ilia walked to the back of the room to a door that led to another big room. This one had dressers, a door that most likely led to the bathroom, and a massive bed that looked softer than a cloud and covered in pillows.

The thought of sleeping in it was both heavenly l, and a little too much to deal with. It was a big bed, and the only bed. Ilia jumped a little as she felt Sun poke her back to get her attention.

“You alright?”

“How much did this all cost!? This is Atlas grade stuff right here.”

Sun folded his arms and smiled with confidence. “Funny you say that. This is the room Weiss gets when she’s here. I asked very nicely for her to let me use it. The missions I went on for the company definitely helped with a discount.”

“Discount?”

“Yeah Weiss said she isn’t paying for room service.” Sun let out a sad sigh. “Weiss said it’s the only way we wouldn’t order nothing but lobster.”

Ilia was soul crushed. Weiss was right but that didn’t make it better. Lobster is great. “I don’t blame her, but I’m offended. I was gonna go all out.”

“Well now you can do that, but on a budget.” Sun walked back to grab Ilia’s bags. “Feel free to take a shower. I still have things I wanna set up.”

“Alright, thanks.” She grabbed her things from him and went to the bathroom. It was much bigger than she expected. Ilia was used to a bathroom the size of a closet. Not another room! It was half the size of the bedroom and magnificent. The entire thing was tile and the tub was deep. With a removal shower head and other things Ilia couldn’t begin to know what they were for.

“Really glad he didn’t pay full price for anything.” A heat rose to her cheeks. Sun totally would’ve paid full price if it came down to it. Nobody is worth this much effort. Then again, Kali would beg to differ. She would think going all out would be just enough. How Ghira surpassed all expectations is beyond her.

xxxx

Sun finally finished his set up of movies and games and was ready for the hard part. Not screwing things up. Hanging out came naturally to him but it was much harder when he could tell Ilia had a lot on her mind. Maybe he was trying too hard. Should he ask her about it, or give her space. Months to think about this and he let it slip through his fingers. “I wonder if she’s reading me as much as I am her? Huh, maybe I should stick to being straight forward?”

“How’s the set up going?” Ilia called from behind him.

Sun started to turn around. “I’m finish-fin...umm.” He had lost his train of thought. Ilia had derailed it completely by walking around in a white bathrobe with her hair down. Sun’s eyes drifted to her toned legs and didn’t leave them.

Ilia noticed the distraction and blushed. “Ahem!” Sun snapped out of the daze, embarrassed and rubbing his head in embarrassment.

“Sorry, caught me by surprise.” Not that he was complaining. By any means, and his tone made that very clear to her.

Ilia sat down on the couch and carefully kept her legs crossed. “Don’t get used to this. My hair always ruins my clothes when it’s wet so I’m letting it dry is all.

“You know I never noticed, but your hair and size is kinda like Weiss. It’s kinda fortunate. Don’t think that bathrobe would work for me.

“You’re shirtless all the time. All you need is a towel.” She looked passed him to see his setup. “Games or movies first?”

“Choice is all yours. I’m perfectly fine owning you in all of these games.” He boasted. Ilia wasn’t gonna take that at all.

“Famous last words, banana breath. I’m about to be eating lobster and kicking you but for the rest of the evening! Pass me a controller.”

Sun laughed confidently and tossed her one. She seemed to be in a better mood than before. Deep conversation can wait. Now was the time to enjoy each other’s reunion. “Winner decides the movie.”

Ilia grinned. “You’re on!”

xxxx

“Rematch!” Ilia declared, for the tenth time. She was not about to admit defeat and watch Speed Racer. Though at this point the amount of food she ate would probably knock her out before the halfway point.

“I think you gotta accept the loss here. I don’t know why you thought you’d beat me in a fighting game finally. Should’ve chosen racing.”

“Whatever. It’s no fun if a bet is one sided. I totally would have won though.” Ilia let out a sigh and handed her controller over, shooting him an evil look at his victory. Sun could only smile. “That’s a weird response to a glare.”

“Can’t help it. I’m just really glad you’re having a good time with me.”

That was sudden. Ilia blinked twice then began to play with her hands. “Why wouldn’t I…?”

He shrugged. “Earlier you looked a bit spaced out. Like your mind was somewhere else. Couldn’t tell why. I almost asked why but you know, trying to be better at letting things go at their own pace. Being a leader doesn’t mean I have the most tact hehe.”

That was an understatement. It never mattered what was happening, if Sun was a part of it then he was all in. Helping, fighting, everything. True, it made things feel a little overwhelming at times; but it was a pleasant change for people like Ilia. Having a person that was always in your corner was a stark contrast from her time before the White Fang and during it. Blake wasn’t even always around. Not that it was a problem. But Ilia would be lying if she said she didn’t used to wish that would be the case between her and Blake. Oh well. Life goes on.

Ilia leaned closely to Sun, then flicked his forehead hard.

“Ow!” He flinched.

“Blame yourself. Your brain needed a jumpstart apparently. I could’ve sworn I told you not to hold back around me once upon a time. Be greedy, stay outspoken. Even if I seem sensitive about it.” Ilia knew she had a bad habit of putting up walls. That’s why she was thankful for her friends. The only tactful person was Blake. Everybody else would just try crashing right through any wall. A crude approach, but Ilia knew herself well enough to admit she doesn’t leave people many other options. “What did you wanna ask me?” Being caught up in lecturing Sun, Ilia had legitimately forgotten her little crisis outside the door. Knots in her stomach hit hard the moment she remembered. “Me and my big mouth!” Ilia screamed, internally.

“You were outside my door for a good while. Then it took you some time to process the hug. I wasn’t sure if you were worried about seeing me or if there’s something in general that had you distracted. Heh, I guess you can say I got worried about you worrying. So, what was on your mind.”

“Oh you know, things…” her voice trailed off and it was hard to look at him again. Why was this so hard! Ilia hated this. Confessions weren’t anything new to her, and yet Ilia genuinely felt scared to even work up to it. Her skin changed between gray and pink constantly as the room went painfully silent. Sun was waiting for an answer and Ilia was left with her throat feeling dry. She came all the way here to get this off her chest in earnest and now it felt like she was being crushed flat by it.

Ilia continued to be mad at herself for saying nothing as she felt Sun take her hand and rub his thumb across it. Amazing how simple touches like this could change the atmosphere. Against his, Ilia hadn’t realized she had been shaking. She looked up to see Sun staring at her, concerned while remaining patient. It wasn’t fair, those eyes. The way they built her up and disarmed her all at once. Ilia never wanted them off her.

“Take your time with it.” Sun said with reassurance. It was easy to see he was anxious as well from the way his tail couldn’t keep still behind him.

“I...it’s….” she gripped his hand tighter. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of this. Us. I’m scared that if I tell you exactly what this means to me, it’ll end. I don’t know how or why but I know no matter how badly I wanna say the words I want you to hear…” she holds her head down and clenches her robe. “I probably sound so stupid right now huh?”

“I wouldn’t say so. Listen, I know that no matter what I say you’re gonna beat yourself up about this. Me being understanding or not, wasn’t gonna change that fact; and you know that I was going to understand.”

Ilia let out a small pity chuckle. Sun tilted her head up gently. Even with misty eyes, Ilia remained completely beautiful. “I don’t hear the words, but I’m smart enough to know they’re there. I haven’t said them, but do you think for a second you don’t know how you make me feel?” He placed her hand on his heart. Even he couldn’t escape the uneasiness of this situation. Sun could feel the heat go to his face and could do nothing but gently place his forehead against Ilia’s. “You know how I feel, right?”

The gray from her skin went away inch by inch, only leaving pink and red freckles. “Of course I do.” Her voice trembled. Their eyes didn’t remain sad, but switched to something equally intense. Pleading. Ilia’s expression softened. Her hand let go of her robe and found its way to Sun’s face. His own hands rested on her hips and he began leaning forward because of Ilia until she was on her back. The trembling didn’t stop from earlier but it was okay. She was okay.

“How many times have we’ve found ourselves like this?” She asked, rubbing his face.

“Not enough.” Sun whispered. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, so much. You...are beyond word to me.” Ilia couldn’t wait a moment longer. She closed her eyes and was met with Sun’s lips, tenderly pressing on her own. Ilia carefully bit his bottom lip as he pulled away, aiming for her exposed neck. Ilia let out a gasp at the contact. Her hands began rubbing up and down his back from the inside of his shirt. Her own legs instinctively parted in order to draw him in closer. Each nip and kiss was brutally slowly and methodical. As if he was letting her know the depth of his feelings.

Ilia kept exploring his back torso. Every groove felt like magic. Muscles were never something she was into on anybody. What really had her was the honest fact the body on top of hers belonged to the person that had completely captured her feelings. His hands slipped into her robe and made her body shiver. He never stopped being gentle but somehow was firm enough to let Ilia know how badly he wanted her. She was absolutely defenseless against the way his left hand groped her chest. As for the right, it wasted no time drifting to her wet folds, continuing the trend of slowly rubbing Ilia’s body; before she felt his middle finger open her up.

“Mmmph~” her nails dug into him a little. She could feel him curl his finger as he pumped in and out.

Sun could feel Ilia squeeze tightly around the digit. Her chest started to rise higher, her breath becoming sharper by sucking in air through her teeth. Sun finally let her neck free and kissed her, adding another finger in the process. His movements became faster and hid her face the crook of his neck the moment the kiss ended. She couldn’t stop her legs from fidgeting and the girl tried her best to repress her whimpers by any means. She even bit down on his neck briefly. All the while, Sun kissed and breathed on her very red ear.

“Let me hear your voice Ilia…”

He made it sound so easy. Ilia couldn’t stand sounding so needy, even with him. It just wasn’t her to give in and he knew that. “You’re the worst.” She whined. Her eyes shut themselves and her body clung to him as if she was falling. His fingers split from each other. Ilia could feel them press down as they went in, before sliding up to the top and pulling out to the entrance, connecting and splitting apart to touch everywhere.

“Mmmmm aaaahhaaa~ Sun!” Ilia couldn’t hold that one back at all. The first of many, until she had no will left but moan as her face turned beat red. He really was the worst. “Suuuun~ aaha!”

“I knew you could do it.” He managed to make her free himself enough to be able to kiss her face and neck again. His labor bore the fruit he wanted as Ilia kept moaning freely. Her body finally caved from his touch when she arched her back and Sun felt both fingers being squeezed tightly. Ilia’s entire body was tense and she couldn’t even make a noise until her body went limp on the couch. The breath hit heavily against his body as she tried catching it.

It didn’t take too long because she quickly went back to kissing him passionately, even moaning into it. If there was anything she loved most, it was kissing. It didn’t matter how skilled a person could be in anything else, a kiss had a way of showing exactly how much the other person really cared. There was no dying a spark when it was there. She learned that the hard way.

Sun could feel Ilia’s tongue all but dominate his own as he tried to do the same. He couldn’t help but groan from the pleasure. Ilia’s leg presses against his erection, stoking the flames further, but it was still only second compared to their lip locking. A subtle warmth hit his cheeks. Sun reluctantly pulled back to see why and witnessed Ilia panting,tears falling down her face. Sun put his hand against her face and Ilia pressed into it. He traced over the tear track and kissed the path of the other one away. “You okay?” He said quietly, earning a nod.

“Yeah. I’m just...you’re so warm, safe. I can’t remember feeling this...happy.” Her own words threatened to make herself shed more tears. He was looking at her again. That same gaze that never failed to make her heart jump and want to continue growing if it meant being even closer to him. “Please,touch me deeper.”

Sun’s face went redder. He sat up briefly and officially took off his shirt. His pants came next. Ilia tried removing her bathrobe but Sun quickly took her hand. “Wait, I uhh really like you in it.” He confessed, embarrassed. “It suits you.”

Ilia felt her heart flutter again. Sun’s infatuation with her legs and hips was flattering for sure, but Ilia never imagined how much. “Well, if we’re doing things that excite us.” She reached for his red boxers and slipped her hand between the seams, fishing out Sun’s hard six inch shaft. A simple grab had him throbbing and breathing deeper. “Having you like this is more my style.” Keeping underwear one while having sex just felt more intense and made Ilia ache. “Need me to get you slick enough.

“You tell me?” Sun pressed the tip of cock past her entrance and was welcomed with Ilia’s body dripping at the touch. He pressed further in to be guided with ease. She more than wet enough on her own. He was already halfway in and still felt no real resistance. Only Ilia spreading around him before clamping down. “Gods, your pussy is so wet.”

He really knew how to push her buttons just right. Her body betrayed her mind by gripping him even tighter for his choice of words. “I hate that word so much. It’s-mmmmph! Ahhh! S-Sun!?” He couldn’t wait any longer and hilted himself inside her completely. His hips began thrusting on their own and Sun found his way into Ilia’s arms yet again. Unlike her, Sun had no shame in letting her hear just how good she made him feel. His groans and grunts invaded her ear willingly, and passionately.

“Mmmmgh ahhh~ fuck. Ilia…” Sun couldn’t keep his thoughts straight anymore. All he wanted was to feel her and let Ilia feel him. He panted roughly and did his best to satisfy the woman beneath him.

Ilia was more than being satisfied. There wasn’t a moment she wasn’t feeling full by how wide his cock spread her apart. Her moans came back in full force to sing with his own. Ilia’s legs felt their strength drain from them and could only react to Sun’s hips. They once again kissed deeply and Ilia’s right hand was pressed against the sofa by Sun’s left, interlocking tightly with each finger around one another. It wasn’t long before Sun held the other one as well. The stimulation made Ilia feel alive with energy that was dead set at reaching its peak. They hadn't been going any longer than nine minutes by her guess, but yet they were near their limits already. Neither could help it. Today, it was nothing short of what they wanted. There wasn’t one touch or look that didn’t shout “ I love you with everything I have.”

“Ilia! I’m-“ he couldn’t contain himself long enough to speak. Ilia wrapped a leg around him as he came inside her. The feeling of it all knocked her past the point of no return and Ilia came as well; her body squeezed all it could as she cried out in pleasure. Sun’s hips rocked slowly to draw out the ecstasy of it all until they were left tired. Both found themselves staring yet again, smiles plain to see.

“Am I still the worst?” Sun chuckled.

“Without a doubt.” Ilia jabbed. “Kiss me again already will ya?”

Sun playfully rolled his eyes. “So needy.” He gave her what they both wanted and more. After all, he had a lot of love to give.

xxxx

They must’ve gone at it at least three times. The sun had set, food was ordered once again, and Speed Racer played for Sun’s viewing pleasure while Ilia slept peacefully. The boy was on his side while his girlfriend’s arms remained around him, her head resting on his chest. Sun couldn’t help but brush her hair out of her dreaming face and remain connected to her. Every so often she’d laugh quietly in her sleep.

“Always up to something. Even in your sleep.” Sun was only proven right by her body holding him closer.

“Mmmmmm love you.” Those words stopped Sun in his tracks. He had no choice but to look down at her once again and kiss her head. “I love you too.” A confession neither of them would officially remember, unburdened by the fear or memory. When it was right, they’d both say it. And what a day that would be. Until then, there was no rush.

#rwby #rwby sunshower #sun wukong #ilia amitola #sun x ilia #rwby ships #no i did not make her straight or bi. I like the idea of demi Ilia #you won’t change my mind on that.

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troutfishinginmusic · 4 years ago

Text

Guide: Lesser-known nu metal albums that hold up

Nu metal is a genre that’s easily derided. It was caricatured as over-the-top angst, baggy jeans and casual misogyny. It was one of the biggest genres when I was first discovering music.

There was plenty of bad music, but to say it was all bad would be inaccurate. It was extremely diverse compared to other metal scenes. It also put issues like child abuse to the forefront, showing survivors they were not alone. Nu metal took a genre that was showing signs of wear and reinvented it. While it soon became saturated by faceless bands (as every popularized genre eventually does), it was important.

As the genre regains popularity, there have been plenty of retrospective lists about bands like Slipknot, Deftones and Korn. There have even been lists detailing some of the lesser known bands. The podcast Roach Koach has done a great job reassessing the genre (It was the catalyst for me making this list). In no order, here are seven nu metal albums you might be less familiar with but are worth your time. These all roughly come from the genre’s original era of popularity. I’ve also put together a ranking of more established nu metal records at the end.

I love the first couple of Static-X albums, but Cannibal is truly a high-water mark. It’s catchy, concise and extremely heavy. While it has some more straight-ahead metal flourishes (guitar solos!?!), no one could mistake this for another band. And, if nothing else, Static-X is a definitive nu metal band. Cannibal seems to find Static-X revitalized after kicking out a problematic member. Vocalist Wayne Static (who died in 2014) knows exactly what he wants these songs to do. His barking delivery finds spaces in each of these spartan industrial rippers. It represents all the things I like about the genre.

Oracle represents somewhat of a break from the more straight-ahead nu metal sound of Spit, so it might not exactly fit on this list. But ultimately Kittie is forever tied to the genre (much like Deftones), even if they’ve branched out in other directions. Oracle doubles down on heaviness by incorporating death metal influences. Morgan Lander’s vocals kneecap a lot of her more melodically inclined nu peers. It also shows the band progressing, despite losing guitarist Fallon Bowman. When people dismiss the nu metal as an outlet for white male whining, though sometimes deserved, they overlook great albums like Oracle.

Apex Theory’s only album, Topsy-Turvy, is brimming with creativity. Much like System of a Down, which originally featured lead vocalist Ontronik Khachaturianon on drums, the band channels its Armenian heritage. Yet Apex Theory leans into something more melodic, mathy and possibly emo (in more of the At the Drive-In sense). Every aspect of this album feels so precise and thought out. Khachaturianon’s vocals can leap out like a barrage of stream of consciousness yet can just as easily smooth out. It might’ve been a bit too weird for radio but, in a world where SOAD broke, it certainly could’ve happened.

Apartment 26’s final album might be one of the strangest on this list. It’s apparent that it was made to be more “marketable.” Yet those touches make it even weirder. The production here is very polished, but this is still an album that incorporates swing jazz into metal through programmed horns. It’s that oddness, intentional or not, that benefits Music for the Massive. An added bonus is the great cover of “In Heaven” from David Lynch’s Eraserhead (the band’s name is a reference to the film). Apartment 26 easily surpasses its legacy as Geezer Butler’s son’s band on this album.

Taproot’s debut struck on something deeply vulnerable that the band has carried through on subsequent albums. What is often missing on those other albums, though, is the heaviness found on Gift. The band’s raw talent is on display here, recalling System of a Down’s debut. Like that album, influences peek through but the band sound fully formed and unique. Stephen Richards’ distinct vocals, while not for everyone, bend around every twist and turn of these knotty songs. The band moved away from the genre, but created some of its best work within it. Oh, and bonus points for instigating this.

Orgy’s goth-y, processed guitar crunch was often imitated (Deadsy, etc.) but has never exactly been replicated. Candyass in some ways seems like the obvious choice, but there are some awkward growing pains. And really Vapor Transmission is just as good and possibly better. The hooks are bigger, the band commits to the futuristic themes and vocalist Jay Gordon is at the top of his gender-bending industrial crooning game. Orgy remains notable in this era for poking holes in the genre’s inflated macho exterior at every turn. There’s something so transgressive about the way the band operated in nu metal.

New Killer America’s cover always caught my eye when I was a kid. Album art was and still is a big deal to me. I love how subtly gross this is. At the time it was more affecting than the over-the-top gore common on metal albums. It fits the music. Skrape wallows in heavy post-grunge sludge. As Ulrich Wild did on the Static-X albums, there’s a good balance struck between heaviness and accessibility. Skrape had a mysterious vibe that was missing from similar acts that had a tendency to over-share. Despite some awkward vocals/lyrics that come up, NKA is noteworthy.

Honorable Mention: Coal Chamber-Chamber Music, Powerman 5000-Tonight the Stars Revolt, Nothingface-Violence, Mushroomhead-XX, Sevendust-Animosity

Established Classics Ranking

1. Korn-Korn: This was the album that started the genre. Every element that other bands would copy is here. It also features some of the rawist emotion ever recorded (”Daddy”) and some great singles (”Blind,” “Clown”). Some of the lyrics are definitely dated, but there are few metal albums that are as influence and heavy (well, in terms of subject matter) as this.

2. Deftones-White Pony: This album defied every stereotype the genre had. It seamlessly incorporated trip-hop and post-rock influences without sacrificing any of the heaviness. This is the highpoint for a band that rarely has a misstep.

3. System of a Down-System of a Down: SOAD’s debut is heavy, political and completely left-field. It still sounds like nothing else. All of the band’s records are good to great, yet I love how the death metal influences poke out more on this one. That’s a personal preference I guess, I really could’ve picked any SOAD album.

4. Sepultura-Roots: This album is so unbelievably heavy. It’s such a bummer that Sepultura didn’t make a record with this lineup past this point. It’s political in a way a lot of nu metal wasn’t. It seamlessly incorporates the band’s Brazilin heritage. It up-ends any perception about the genre being light-weight.

5. Slipknot-Iowa: This is really the only album from this era that rivals Roots in terms of heaviness. The band draws from a different well than Sepultura, packing Iowa with horror movie imagery. Much of this was to no doubt channel vocalist Corey Taylor’s troubled childhood. There’s something so frantic and desperate captured on this album, which probably has to do with Ross Robinson producing it (he produced Korn’s debut, as well as a lot of other iconic records).

6. Incubus- S.C.I.E.N.C.E.: Few nu metal records are this legitimately fun. Every part of Incubus is bursting with stoned creativity here. It also channels its influences much better than its peers. Somehow metal riffs and bongos go together here. S.C.I.E.N.C.E. showed a more easygoing side of the genre that still retained all the heaviness.

7. Linkin Park- Meteora: Though Hybrid Theory has a lot of singles, I always preferred this one. I think the band forged a bit more of its identity here. It gets a bit heavier, yet retains all the pop smarts. Definitely worth revisiting if you’ve just re-listened to Hybrid Theory to celebrate its recent anniversary.

NOTE: Yeah, Limp Bizkit is not on this list. The band has some cool songs, but ultimately its albums are pretty scattered. Fred Durst is a lot for me to take. The rest of the band is amazingly talented, especially Wes Borland. If its exclusion is annoying to you, please make your own list.

youtube

#numetal #staticx #korn #kittie #sepultura #taproot #linkinpark #deftones #systemofadown #apartment26

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nitewrighter · 4 years ago

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Short fic of Genji stressing out about what to get Angela for Christmas?

“Blenders are romantic, right?” Genji looked up from a store window to Tracer.

“Uh…” Tracer glanced off and sipped her latte.

“It’s healthy—“ Genji tried to explain, “She’s a doctor—it fits. Right?”

Tracer just gave him a confused, pitying look.

“…not romantic,” he sighed, letting his shoulders slump and his head drop.

“Nnno. Not romantic,” said Tracer.

It was one of those seaside winter days that is somehow both bright and cloudy. A jumble of Christmas market-like stalls for tourists fleeing colder northern weather crowded the sidewalks, and a few shopkeepers were poking at their window displays, putting up bows and baubles to draw the eye. Tracer had arms full of bags and boxes, and Genji had only two bags hanging on one elbow. They were both in civvies, Tracer in a baggy cardigan with elbow patches and skinny jeans, and Genji in a neon windbreaker and charcoal joggers. The glow of Genji’s green visor seemed to be visibly dimmed with his own exhaustion.

“I don’t want to overthink it,” Genji said firmly as he and Tracer walked down the street.

“Uh huh,” said Tracer, sipping her overly sweet latte next to him.

“But it’s our first winter moved in together,” said Genji.

“Right.”

“And I want to get Angela something she’ll actually use...”

“Of course.”

“But something that she’ll like,” said Genji.

“Obviously,” said Tracer.

“Something pretty.”

“Jewelry?”

“No, we make too much fun of those holiday jewelry commercials,” muttered Genji, “And I don’t want to get her something office or work related--I mean, that’s not romantic.”

“Mm,” Tracer sipped her latte.

“But she still should use it.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“But I don’t want to overthink it,” said Genji.

Tracer didn’t really have the heart to tell him that that was exactly what he was doing.

“Genji,” Tracer started gently, “Did she tell you she had anything in mind?”

“She said she couldn’t think of anything and then she said, ‘Oh but I’ll be happy with whatever you give me, Genji,’” Genji huffed.

“Well that’s good!” Tracer said brightly.

“No it’s not,” said Genji, pressing his fingertips to his temples, “She knows she can get me some dumb Tokusatsu thing and I’d love it, but I have no idea what to get her!”

“Oh come on, Genji, you two spent years staying up into the wee hours of the morning talking! You can’t be at that much of a loss!”

“Well we’d mostly talk about work and other--” Genji seemed to catch himself, “Um...”

“...talk shit about the rest of the team?” Tracer guessed with an arched eyebrow.

“No--!” Genji answered on reflex before rubbing the back of his neck, “Well... sometimes.”

Tracer snorted before glancing off. “All right then. Just think-- what does she like to do in her spare time?”

“She reads a lot,” Genji said thoughtfully, “But it’s like... she reads too much for me to know what kind of book to get her, if that makes sense? What if she already read it? Or what if she read a bad review of it? Or what if she read something about the author so she doesn’t want to read it? I don’t read enough to know what book to get her.”

Tracer sighed. “You really are devoted to making this harder for yourself than you have to.”

“I am not!” said Genji.

“Y’know what I think?”

“What?”

“If this is your first holiday moved in together, you should get something cozy! Homey, don’t you think?”

“Cozy and homey...” Genji repeated the word then seemed to think for a few seconds, “...A blender?”

Tracer slapped her forehead. “Why are you so hung up on the blender!?”

“I feel like we need a blender!” Genji said helplessly.

“Well get a blender but don’t make the blender the Christmas gift! For heaven’s sake, think!”

“Okay! Okay! I’m thinking! I’m thinking!” said Genji. He was quiet for a long time. “We both spent so long traveling, and after all my time with Zenyatta and the monks...” he trailed off then suddenly perked up, “I have to go,” he said, stopping his pace.

“What?” said Tracer but Genji was already running off back in the direction of the watchpoint.

“I know what I should get her! Thank you, Tracer!” his voice carried on the air in his wake and Tracer huffed and shook her head, before perking up as Genji suddenly came sprinting back and skidding to a halt in front of her again.

“…I just realized I need a pilot, “ he said breathlessly.

“You need a pilot?” said Tracer, tilting her head.

“You think Emily might want something from Nepal?”

The slightest smile tugged at Tracer’s mouth.

——

“...so you’re borrowing the Orca---for what?” Jack Morrison was leaning against the holo-map in Winston’s lab with his arms folded.

“A patrol,” said Tracer and Genji at the same time.

“It has been a while since we checked in with our contacts with the Shambali” Winston mused.

“Too long!” said Genji with an odd amount of earnestness in his voice.

“Entirely too long,” said Tracer, “Someone really ought to check on them.”

“Someone they know,” said Genji, with an airy gesture, “Just to make sure everything’s all right.”

“No news isn’t always good news!” added Tracer.

“Uh...huh...” Jack’s voice trailed off.

“We can get some intel--” said Genji.

“See where we can help out!” Tracer added brightly.

“Well.. diplomacy was an important aspect of the old Overwatch, and with so little activity from Talon these past few weeks, a fact-gathering mission could help us get our bearings...” Winston said thoughtfully.

“Mm-hmm!” grunted Tracer as both she and Genji nodded eagerly.

“We can send Doctor Ziegler as the mission’s medic in case--” Jack started.

“No!” Genji and Tracer said on reflex both a little too loudly before Genji quickly cleared his throat.

“Er--Obviously Zenyatta would send the best message of solidarity with the Shambali,” said Genji.

Jacks frown pulled at his scars but Winston rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“You make a good point...” said Winston, “All right then. You have my permission to take the Orca to Nepal.”

“A very wise ruling, Commander Winston!” said Tracer saluting.

“We won’t let you down!” said Genji, clenching his fist in determination before they both ran off.

Jack watched as the door closed behind them after they left. “...you realize they’re both full of shit and taking the Orca for a joyride, right?”

“Oh obviously,” said WInston, turning his attention back to the holo-map.

“Just checking,” said Jack.

----

It was drizzling on Christmas morning on the Watchpoint. Both Genji and Mercy were comfortably sitting on the floor, in their pajamas, Mercy’s hair up in a messy bun, leaning against the coffee table where their dinky little rosemary bonsai valiantly strained under the weight of a single ornament as Genji pulled the wrapping paper off of a box and lifted up the lid.

“Woah...” a short laugh fell out of Genji, “Really?”

“Is it the right one?” said Mercy, tucking her hair back.

“They haven’t made these in 20 years!” said Genji, pulling the asymmetrical game console out of its box, “How did you get a real FujitaCast One?”

“Well, I found a broken one in one of the pawn shops around here, and then I remembered you talking about playing the first Vivi’s Adventure on it, so I grabbed it, and I had to get D.Va’s help in identifying which components needed replacing and we just...spun them up in the 3D printer here!”

“Angela--” Genji wanted to squeeze the little plastic console close but was handling it very gingerly, “This is incredible. I--” he huffed, “I can’t remember the last time anyone put this much effort into a gift for me.”

“...it really wasn’t all that much trouble--really, just D.Va helping out and looking up some components online--” Mercy was blushing, “I just... thought it might be nice to have something aside from just the holoscreen to warm this place up. I warn you, though, I’m absolutely terrible at video games.”

“Psh. I doubt that. You’ve got surgeon hands.”

“Oh you’ll see,” said Mercy with a smirk, adjusting her glasses.

“Thank you, Angela,” said Genji, gently setting the console on the coffee table. He reached over and grabbed a flatter box and held it out to her, “I, um... got you this.”

Mercy gave the box a tentative shake, already aware of the sliding sound of cloth on cardboard.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with you and Tracer’s mysterious three day trip into Nepal, would it?” she said, giving a sly smile to Genji.

“That was a very legitimate mission, I’ll have you know,” said Genji, folding his arms, “I milked a yak and everything.”

Mercy snorted. “Where would the world be without Overwatch and its yak-milking Cyborgs?”

“Chaos,” said Genji with mock gravitas, “Tragedy.”

“Oh definitely,” said Mercy, opening the present. Genji couldn’t help but smile at the way she only pulled at the folds and ends of the paper, trying to take the wrapping off as intactly as possible before sliding the box out. Her brow crinkled with some concentration as she lifted the lid off of the box before her eyes widened. She pulled a bright golden yellow cloth from the box, let it hang over one hand and traced her fingers over it with the other. “Soft...” she said quietly, before looking up at Genji, “Shambali?”

“Yes,” said Genji.

“...it’s beautiful,” said Mercy, drawing more of it from the box and letting it drape over her forearms as she looked at it more fully. Voluminous sleeves fell over her arm as she spread the cloth out, “Oh--It’s a robe!” she said, her face lighting up.

“I do keep saying you should relax more,” said Genji, with a slight smirk, folding his arms.

Mercy snorted and rolled her eyes before pressing the cloth to the side of her face, “It’s so soft,” she said, her voice half-muffled into the cloth, before her eyes opened. She blinked a few times and pulled the cloth away slightly, peering closer, “This pattern...” she started, squinting a little.

“It’s Omnicode,” said Genji, scooching closer, “Well--the textile, the words are woven into the pattern. So every cloth woven is unique and has its own message. It’s sort of like the lines of code from that pre-Crisis movie--you know, the one where they all dress in black and wear sunglasses and do Kung-fu and freeze in mid-air and--” He caught himself and gave a dismissive hand wave, “What I’m saying is,” pointed down a line that was slightly more orange than its surrounding threads. His finger trailed down the line of tiny squarish symbols that would fall over the heart if she were wearing the robe, “That’s your name, see? Angela Ziegler. And this character right here below it doesn’t quite translate to human language, but it means ‘Part of me,’” he pointed to other lines of Omnicode on the robe, “And--and a lot of this script here--and--here--and here, is from the letters we were sending each other.” He chuckled a little, “It’s really amazing to watch a Shambali Omnic weaver work--they’re trying to turn it into a sort of tourist thing up at the monastery, like, even if you aren’t interested in the Shambali’s message, you can still appreciate the craft, but being that far up in the Himalayas makes it hard to---” He had to cut himself off as Mercy braced one hand on his shoulder and cupped the other at his jawline to land a clumsy kiss on the corner of his mouth. He turned his head only slightly to course-correct and return the kiss more fully, his hand sliding up the back of her neck to weave into her hair. He could feel her breath puff with a slight laugh against his scars as she broke away, her arms still draped around him.

“Um--” A short laugh escaped her, “Thank you--It’s--It’s beautiful, Genji,” she said, readjusting her glasses, “It’s really beautiful. And the letters--it’s... I love it.”

“Look, I just called in a few favors and milked a couple yaks,” said Genji, with faux-humility, “I’m not the one who 3-D printed components for a 20-year-old game console.”

Mercy snickered and leaned on him amongst the wrinkled wrapping paper, “I’m just glad I didn’t panic and just grab that blender,” she said with a happy sigh.

Genji perked up slightly.

“What?” said Mercy, looking up at him.

Genji just snickered and leaned his head on hers, “Nothing,” he said, smiling, “I love you.”

Mercy snorted. “I love you too,” she said, pressing the soft fabric of the robe against herself as she leaned right back on him.

#gency #holiday fic

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apokoliips · 4 years ago

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One thing I never really got about vampires in movies especially is the whole "whenever I smell blood I go ballistic and get rlly hungry" because like in twilight and stuff they're at school and at schools there are at LEAST four girls in their period at the same time so I never got it when there would be a big moment of "oh no Kourtney got a paper cut and she's kinda bleeding" and then the vampire dude would be like grunting in the corner because he wants to poke holes in her throat when he's 100% walked past like five girls who are also bleeding like A LOT

Like I get that people are trash and think periods are gross and shouldn't be discussed because they're ignorant and just pieces of legitimate shit but like surely if you write or make a movie that's like oh vampire love story and all that shit you have to brush over the subject of periods and like can the vampire dude tell when girls are in their period

Will a course just walk through their school and be like oh damn Stacy hasn't had her period this month better tell Quinton he's gonna be a dad like ??!!!

OH SHIT would a vampire eat a girl out on her period a d be like oh cool I skipped lunch anyway........and then just be like.....nom

.....

Idk how I feel about that....it makes me feel emotions and none of them are good

I love how I'm acting like there is no such thing as female vampires and like wouldn't it be worse for them because they'd just be in the bathroom minding their mf business and some random girl is just in the stall next to them covered in blood just making them loose their shit...can't be fun

Or like do vampires only like sexy blood? you know like "oh no I bit my lip and it's bleeding sure hope no vampires come and lick it away" because you never hear of someone having a nose bleed and like their vampire love interest licking their nose blood because that just has a certain vibe to it that makes people uncomfortable and I don't think anyone who watches teen vampire crap finds that hot.

This whole rant has gone way off topic but I've come to the decision that vampires only like sexy blood

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

#vampire #vampires #twilight #twilight new moon #tvd #the vampire chronicles #the vampire armand #the vampire diares imagine #the vampire diaries #shit post #shitpost #vampire slayer #the vampire's assistant #sorry for the lack of grammar and shit its vrry late in the not morning #also if you wanna get absolutely shit faced take a shot every time i say like #vampirism

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peterbishop · 5 years ago

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48 for the fluffy asks!

048: “We accidentally got married in Vegas oops”

It was supposed to be an undercover assignment.

After much success with Jake’s mafia sting, the FBI reached out to Holt once more, asking him to send Detective Jake Peralta and one other detective of similar competence. The answer was easy: Amy Santiago.

Bags were packed and new aliases were given: Leo Adams, upcoming tech entrepreneur, and Marissa Cordova, a hotshot lawyer with cash to blow. They were to sit in on various poker and blackjack games, rubbing elbows with known drug lord, Carter Reichs, and hopefully come out with a few important arrests. It would take a week at most, and if anything, they would at least get access to free alcohol and big biddings.

Amy stares out the plane window. Brooklyn starts to become a speck, skyscrapers and city traffic blurring into a grey wash.

“Have you ever been to Las Vegas before?” Amy asks, turning to look at her partner.

“Once,” Jake says, focusing on the shitty action movie playing on the screen in front of him. “My mom and I went to surprise my dad.” He briefly sours. “I found him hooking up with one of the poker dealers.”

“Oh.” She never really knows what to say when Jake brings up his father.

“How about you?”

She shakes her head. “No, I never had much of an interest. I’m not that good at card games, and I’d rather keep my money than gamble it away.”

He snorts. “The FBI clearly picked the right person for this assignment.”

She rolls her eyes. “We’re not actually playing. We’re working—and I enjoy working.”

“Yes, you do.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“No, it’s just… hard to imagine you doing much else.”

Amy nearly objects, tell him that he knows her better than he lets on because they’re friends. She swears they’re friends. But since Teddy and Sophia, sometimes they find themselves in limbo, and she, for perhaps the first time, doesn’t truly have an answer.

Amy throws her suitcase on her bed and starts pulling out her clothes, deciding which outfit she should wear for their first operation. Her typical pantsuit would endure too much ribbing from Jake and the red dress she threw in at the last minute is cut so short, she would need at least four shots in her before she ever considered it. Eventually, she decides on the white dress she has buried at the bottom. It’s classy and just enough revealing that she stands out.

She starts unbuttoning her shirt when suddenly, a door she presumed belonged to a closet opens and Jake steps through. She yelps, covering her chest with a pillow.

“Oh my god, Ames! Our rooms are connected!”

“Get out,” she hisses.

He stops, breaking into a grin. “Were you changing?”

“Yes! Because I’m doing my job!” Her eyes narrow. “Tell me you’re not staying dressed like that.”

He looks down at his outfit: old jeans and a worn (read: torn at the right armpit and fraying at the bottom) Die Hard shirt. “Uh duh, of course I will. I take undercover seriously.”

“Might be the only thing you do take seriously.”

“Now you’re catching on, Santiago.”

She shoos him away to finish putting on the dress and doing a quick touch up on her makeup. She tries to get back at Jake, bursting through their shared door in hopes of catching him in an embarrassing position. Instead, he’s readjusting his black bowtie.

“Wow, Ames,” he says with a laugh. “We look like the figurines on top of a wedding cake.”

“Oh god, please never say that again.”

He gives her a shit-eating grin. “No promises.”

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter. We need to get going,” she says. “Intel says this is around the time that Reichs starts playing. If we want to get in on the same game, we have to go now.”

“Okay, okay, sounds good.”

She smooths down her dress once more and pulls loose fingers through her hair before making her way to the door.

He brushes past her and she swears she hears him say, “You look beautiful.”

They’re five shots in before she knows it.

“I can’t believe,” she slurs, “he didn’t show up.”

“It’s only the first night, Ames,” he says, grinning lazily. “We still have five more days.”

“We’re like, the best detectives ever,” she says. “What if those other cops from”—she shudders—“Los Angeles end up catching him?”

“There’s no way. We’re detective geniuses detectives… super geniuses?” His eyes bug out. “I’m so drunk.”

“Me too.” She smiles. “They never should have left us an open tab. I hold my liquor better than anyone else.”

“Oh noooo, you don’t. You’re lucky we moved on from four drink Amy. I think you were about to bang that guy over there.” Jake points to a man at least twenty years her senior. She pales. “Now you’re just confident Amy.”

“Nuh-uh, I’m doing better than you. That’s a fact.”

“In your dreams. At least you’re a lot more fun this way.”

“What way?”

“Stupid drunk way.”

“Pssshhh, I’m always fun. Alllll-ways. You saw me dancing over there a half hour ago. I was killing it with my dance moves.”

“Killing it, yeah, yeah, that’s for sure,” he teases warmly.

She grabs his wrist, eyes blown wide. “Let’s do more shots.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Isn’t six drink Amy depressed Amy?”

“Maybe,” she says, then breaks into a smile. “Let’s do two shots each then.”

“What’s seven drink Amy?”

“I have no idea.”

Apparently, seven drink Amy is bridal Amy.

“What if we got married?” Her mouth forms an O.

And seven drink Jake is down for anything.

“Oh my god, we should.”

Amy stumbles down to one knee, proposing with a loose beer bottle cap. “Jake Peralta, will you marry me?”

He places his hands over his heart in pure elation. “Amy Santiago, I will marry you.”

She throws herself in his arms, messily clinging onto his abdomen. He grins into her hair and around them, patrons and gamblers burst into applause. Hazily, Amy thinks something is off, that they’re doing something they shouldn’t. But then, his mouth touches hers, tasting of expensive tequila and lime, and she forgets what sober Amy might think of this decision.

They start jogging, tripping and giggling and faces split open with grins, to a Las Vegas chapel, fingers intertwined and bickering over who will take whose last name.

Her head is pounding. Her mouth is dry and she can barely open her eyes and fuck, her head is pounding. Hangovers have never been kind to her and this morning is no different. In her sleep-addled daze, she spots her dress lying in the corner, quickly realizing she’s only wearing her bra and panties.

She moves her arm and hits something, warm and solid and… Jake. Jake who is shirtless and Jake who is fast asleep and Jake who is wearing a cheap wedding band.

She glances at her left hand where she’s adorning a matching ring.

“Jake! Oh my god, Jake,” she says hurriedly.

He barely stirs. “Huh?”

She starts shoving his side, poking and prodding his ribs. “Get up, get up, get up. We did something, oh my god, we made the biggest mistake ever, oh my god, Jake, wake up!”

He sleepily blinks at her. “Did we kill someone?”

“No—we got married,” she says as if it’s a worse crime.

He brings his left hand up in front of his eyes and frowns. “Hmm.”

“Hmm!? That’s all you have to say!? Hmm!?”

“In case you didn’t realize, Santiago.” He rubs at his temples. “I’m a bit hungover.”

“Well, I am too, asshole, but hangovers go away. Marriage is permanent.”

“We’ll just get a divorce. Now, let me go back to sleep.”

She punches him in the shoulder. “Jake.”

He glares at her, snaps: “What, Detective?”

Her eyes take in his naked chest, and she further pulls up the loose sheet covering her near-bare body. “Did we…?”

“No way,” he awkwardly clears his throat. “There’s no way. We would have remembered… wouldn’t we?”

“We were pretty wasted,” she slowly admits. “And if I went back to four drink Amy…”

“No, no, there’s no way,” he flails with his words. “I can barely remember us being able to stand on our own two feet at the end of the night.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” An awkward pause. “I guess we should get ready for the day.” She starts getting up before remembering her appearance and feverishly waves her hand at him. “Don’t look.”

“I promise I won’t.” He buries his face into his pillow.

Amy makes her way to the shower before briefly considering in horror, “Didn’t I say something about consummating—“

“We didn’t, Amy!”

When she steps out of the bathroom, wearing a pantsuit she hopes he’ll loathe, he isn’t in bed. Amid the ruffled sheets and thrown pillows, she finds her phone and turns it on.

And then, nearly yells.

She stares at her lock-screen. It is no longer a picture of a crossword puzzle; rather, it’s a picture of them standing at the altar, grinning at each other, Amy in her white dress and Jake in his black tux, and it looks so much like a legitimate wedding picture, she can’t breathe. It feels real, how he smiles at her and she holds his hand tightly and their lips are inching from touching.

They look happy; they look in love. And she almost starts to believe it, believe in this sham of a marriage built upon liquor and drunken laughter, before coming to her senses and blaming her idiosyncratic thoughts on her grueling hangover instead.

She quickly changes the picture.

They don’t talk more than they have to for the rest of the assignment. Jake doesn’t walk back through their connected door and Amy doesn’t touch an ounce more of alcohol. They get their arrests by day four and head out on the first flight they can the next morning. The sun is barely up, a golden hue on the muted black horizon, and Amy fights off exhaustion with cheap airplane coffee.

Jake sits beside her, slowly blinking and about to succumb to his weariness.

“Flight should never be this early,” he mumbles. It’s the first thing he’s said to her that doesn’t relate to work.

“It’s better than red-eyes.”

“Hmm, maybe,” he considers, his words soft and cottony. “But flying is cool at night. It’s like you’re in space.”

She quietly laughs. “That’s one way to put it.”

No answer. She thinks he’s fallen asleep. Instead—“We’ll have to figure this out when we land.”

“I know.”

“I never thought I’d divorce you, Santiago.”

“We’ll get an annulment. It’s different.”

“If you say so.”

Another pregnant pause. The plane starts to move down the runway like it’s chasing the falling moon.

“I guess,” he murmurs, his head falling to her shoulder. She freezes at their body contact. “I guess I thought if we got married, it would be the marriage that sticks.”

He nods off before she can reply.

Amy realizes she’s still wearing her ring. At first, she chalked it up to her cover, ignoring the harsh glint of cheap gold in the casino lights for what it actually meant and proclaiming it as being a trait of her character instead.

But now she’s home in Brooklyn and she’s still wearing her ring.

She thinks to call Jake—they landed hours ago and she can guess he’s been sleeping the whole day like she has. Except, she isn’t sure exactly what to say. You have a lawyer right because we both need lawyers for the annulment to go through or let’s give it a week and then deal with this or do we tell our friends? Did you tell Charles? I swear to god, Peralta, if you told Charles—

There’s a knock at her door.

She walks over and opens it, revealing Jake Peralta, her partner and friend and… husband.

“Hi,” he says. He almost sounds shy, looking near boyish in his NYPD hoodie and faded blue jeans.

“Hi.”

“Can I come in?”

Unsure: “Yes.”

He sits on her couch. She sits on the complete opposite end. They look at each other. Wait for the silence to break.

“Jake—“

“Amy—“

“You go—“

“No, you go—“

“Peralta—“

“Santiago—“

“I think—“

“I don’t want to—“

She holds her hand up. “You don’t want to what?”

He stares at his shoes.

“…Jake.”

He looks up at her, eyes dark and vast. “I don’t want to,” then, more quietly, “divorce you. And I know I sound crazy, but I can’t imagine divorcing you, Amy. I like you. I like you a lot. You’re my best friend and my partner and I know we don’t make sense on paper, but I think we could be something great. And okay, being married before we actually date isn’t a part of the plan I had for us—“

“You had a plan?”

“—but if it were to happen to any pair of people, I’m not surprised it happened to us. We’ve had a lot of crazy days and this week has been no different. Minus the wedding rings, of course,” he laughs.

Hesitantly, she asks, “You didn’t take yours off either?”

He shakes his head.

“This is crazy, Jake…” she says.

“But?”

“How did you know I was going to say ‘but?’”

He smiles, curved and brilliant. “Because I know you, Ames.”

“But… I really like you too,” she says, almost embarrassed by the capacity her heart already has for him. “It’s just… this makes no sense. This is so far out of our control. There is no binder on marrying your coworker before even going out on a date with him.”

“Then, how about you make that binder? And make a new plan for us?” he asks.

“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”

“Of course, I do. I’m your husband.”

They both burst into laugher.

She rolls her eyes. “I think we should stick with the term boyfriend for now.”

His eyes slightly widen. “So, you do too? You want to give this a chance?”

She leans forward, gently kissing him. He lets out a noise of shock before kissing her back. It’s soft and tentative, until she presses harder and he presses back, equally ardent. They barely make it to her bedroom, eager and hands slipping under clothes. Amy has been with other men, namely Teddy, but it’s never been like this. So easy and known and real. Like they fit.

And when she wakes up the next day, she realizes his left arm is slung across her body, his hand resting over hers. Their wedding bands shine in the morning light together. It makes her smile.

#my writing #jake x amy #this got so long winded idk what happened #b99 #santiagos-bitch #emma replies

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