#of ALL of the consequences and what their inaction meant to me personally

[fumbles-mcstupid]

got my staunch anti voting family to vote (mostly). also I came out to them.

the latter is not nearly as causative for the former as you'd hope. but.

[churrochamp]

Let's talk about Merlin and lying. This isn't meant to be character bashing, but it might not be the most generous take either.

In All About Love, bel hooks writes: "In our culture privacy is often confused with secrecy. Open, honest, truth-telling individuals value privacy. We all need spaces where we can be alone with thoughts and feelings - where we can experience healthy psychological autonomy and can choose to share when we want to. Keeping secrets is usually about power, about hiding and concealing information."

(hooks has a lot more to say about the reasons why people lie in relationships, and our need for love and difficulty with love in general. Book is fantastic, highly recommend.)

The question is: was Merlin's years of lying about his magic, and all that he did in Arthur's defence, justified? Why'd he do it?

I've been trying to think through how the fandom generally interprets Merlin's character and choices in the show, and how this character makes me feel. It's really complicated and interesting (to me at least lol).

I often see the claim that Merlin lied about his magic for years out of fear for his safety, but it's never fully satisfied me as an explanation. Given that as a fandom we pretty much all agree that magic can be a metaphor for queerness, there's a natural alignment with the claim that queer people aren't ever obligated to come out, for any reason, but it's often said, especially if their physical safety might be jeopardized (which I agree with btw).

And it's true, given Camelot's genocidal laws, Merlin's life could be threatened if he revealed himself as a sorcerer. On the other hand, Merlin is basically all-powerful in the universe of the show, and I don't think the rest of Camelot could do much to him if he were prepared.

What's more convincing to me is the claim that Merlin's afraid of the potential emotional harm that could come from revealing himself. What if Arthur hates and rejects him? That's something his magic can't defend against.

I think Merlin's heart is in the right place. He believes all his work is done in service of Arthur and their joint destiny, which is the good of Albion. And he does save Arthur's life a whole dang lot.

The issue is, probably a good half of the show's major conflicts directly relate to Merlin's actions and inactions - usually, lies he's telling (Morgana, Mordred...). Conflicts that maybe could have been resolved with much less harm if Merlin, who often is the only one with crucial knowledge, had made different choices (and Gaius too oh my GOD). Dude is shooting himself in the foot. Merlin's lying isn't just about personal privacy and autonomy. It becomes a fundamental part, baked into his relationship with Arthur and his role in their prophecy (and the governing of a kingdom jeez).

In addition to plot SNAFUs, the way I see it, Merlin's lying has two major consequences for him:

His most important relationship, with Arthur, is deeply flawed and incomplete.

Merlin remains the most important, influential character in the show. His energies go to trying to keep the power for himself.

As bel hooks argues, there can't be true intimacy in a relationship if one or both parties withhold and deceive the other. This could look like lying to manipulate the other party to get what you want, or even lying to make the relationship go easier. Relationships built on untruth aren't fair to all parties - the deceived person can't make informed choices in the relationship, and the deceiving person robs themselves of the opportunity to be fully supported and loved for who they are. When Merlin lies to Arthur about magic, when he tells Arthur that magic is evil, even if it is for "his sake," he's taking choice away from Arthur often at crucial moments, for both their relationship and the well-being of the kingdom. Without knowledge of the truth about magic, and about Merlin, Arthur can't make fully informed choices as a king or a partner. Things go to shit, and it's terribly lonely for both of them, even if only one of them know about it. Merlin's reason for this might be fear of pain. However, when you don't give someone the opportunity to love or reject you for who you are, how can you feel held by that person? You deprive yourself of the chance.

Another reason to lie can be desire for power and control. By keeping the secret of his magic and their destiny, Merlin keeps all the responsibility and power to himself. This is the premise of the show: Merlin is the only person who can turn Arthur into a good king, save magic, secure Albion's future well-being--and he must do it all secretly. The show jokes about it, the characters joke about it. This premise is a kind of power-fantasy - being the secret power working from the shadows, using all your wit and guile to succeed despite the secrecy, risking life and limb for no recognition, but having the satisfaction of knowing that you are instrumental. It's very James Bond. Without the secrecy, what would be the point of Merlin? The secrecy might be part of what makes Merlin feel special, worthwhile.

As the years go by, the lies compound and the relationship becomes inseparable from them. The most significant on a personal level, probably Merlin's poisoning Morgana, Mordred, Ygraine, and Sophia.

Merlin can't control all the factors, he can't do it all by himself, he can't make Arthur into the ideal king and boyfriend of destiny, and from the start it's a doomed endeavour. Luckily Arthur loves him all on his own, and does get to see him at the very end, and they'll get a second chance.

So in summary, why does Merlin lie about his magic and his actions for so long? Fear, love, and power, is what I suggest. And ultimately it leads him and Arthur to ruin. It's not exactly exemplary behaviour, but it is very very human.

[deramin2]

It feels like people were wanting the trust exercises in Critical Role c3 E79 and E80 to be research-supported therapy from a licensed practitioner where they all work together to get a good grade in therapy, a thing that's normal to want and possible to achieve.

Not A HAG fucking with them per her nature feeding off juicy drama and cringe who wants to shake them around until all their secrets come out for her to watch and realize that they're so scared of failure they're locking into the sort of inaction that will actually make them fail. (I love Nana Mori. She was exactly the sort of fucked up punk rock street wise woman they needed.)

It's BORING if they just talk about all their problems. It's BORING if they just jump to trusting each other (when the exercise was started that they can't trust each other). It's BORING if they're like "actually that power that's been set in front of me could possibly have a bad effect so I'm just going to keep ignoring it. It's BORING to be safe. Go back to your coffee shop AUs if you want everything to be soft and safe. That's not the point of the source material.

The CR cast have REPEATEDLY said they have more fun pushing the big red button than playing it safe because you spend all of real life trying to avoid the consequences of risky decisions and it's FUN to get to explore what can go wrong.

Bell's Hells succeeded because they concluded they are in a moment were inaction and hesitation will get everyone killed and they just need to push all the big red buttons and take the risks because it's now or never. They need to check in enough to keep each other in line, but they also need to imagine a scenario where none of them are traitors. (Like they had to restrain FCG from murder-bot mode, but they risked getting to murder-bot mode because the benefit outweighed the personal risk.)

This party is not OSHA approved. They literally couldn't do the job if they were. People like Allura and Keyleth are relying on them to take monumentally stupid risks while holding on by their fingernails so that other people can be safe.

Fearne came to the conclusion that she wasn't taking the shard because she was afraid of Dark!Fearne. But her friends will pull her out of that if she drifts. She also wasn't taking it because she thought Ashton was supposed to have it and that didn't work out well. If she'd put her hoof down her friends would probably have accepted her decision even if they disagreed with it. (It's actually like normal and healthy to disagree with your friends choices and not yes-man them all the time.) But she decided with her own free will that she was just being scared and actually she did want to try. (But also if they hadn't gone through the shard hurting and rejecting Ashton, Fearne might have thought her taking damage meant she wasn't supposed to have it, not just part of the trial of absorbing it.)

There's no binary where pressuring your friends is always bad. Sometimes your friends pressure you into doing things they believe will benefit you that you're reluctant to do and then you do it and are like "no actually that was the right call and I needed that." Or you conclude "No actually that was bad and I wish I didn't listen." There's actually no way to know ahead of time. My relationship with one of my best friends of like 20 years consists heavily of us battling each other's depression by pressuring each other into things we don't want to do but need to and that's healthy for us. But also other people in our lives pressured us into things we didn't want to do and should not have done and it turned out bad. It turns out that life is made up of shades of grey and not hard and fast rules. There's no way of knowing if you're fucking up ahead of time.

Imogen admitted in the Truth or Die session that she was upset that Fearne didn't take the shard. She probably would not have told Fearne that in normal circumstances. And she was probably feeling that way because part of her was upset at herself for not giving into the Predothos powers. Admitting that to Fearne gave her the courage to talk about the possibility of doing that. Which like, could be a terrible idea. But also this is a D&D game with predetermined character class powers that grow as you level and there has to be an in-game justification for getting powers like Revelation in Flesh at 14th level. Like, either she leans into these powers or they're forced on her or she stops leveling and goes home. Leaning in is way more fun. Don't you want to see what batshit thing Matt has planned for that? That's FUN. Ignoring the dark powers is boring.

Like first and foremost this is A GAME that involves yes-anding and taking risks. It's about characters who have spent their entire lives burying and ignoring their problems and getting worse because of it. It isn't REAL for them to have one revelation and be like, "Whelp I'm fixed now and will fall into none of my old patterns and just bare my soul to everyone forever now." People aren't actually like that and if that's what they need to do to be measurably better for you you'll have a lifetime of disappointments. This is an adult story for adults about how adults really behave.

Anyway I can't wait for them to schlep all their baggage and new fucked up powers to the moon with them where they're make irresponsible decisions based on a martyr complex while their friends yell at them to stop being stupid and selfish and let them help. It's going to be a disaster but hopefully they snatch victory from the jaws of defeat (or defeat from the jaws of victory) and tell an entertaining story about the fuckups who tried to stop the next Calamity. Maybe they will and they get to be heroes. Maybe it comes at a terrible cost. Maybe they totally fuck it up and it's a Ring of Brass situation. But it'll be FUN.

[khaotunng]

ALCHEMY OF SOULS: LIGHT AND SHADOW'S UK, THE 'BAD NEWS' CHOSEN ONE

(a short analysis on Uk in season 2)

I was talking to a friend here about AoS s2 and how Uk being basically overpowered meant the stakes weren't that high during the action scenes (the opposite of s1, where he was learning and growing and the underdog in every nail biting duel), when I realised why this aspect of s2 didn't bother me that much, if at all. Sure, we saw Uk grow into the mage he is in s1, so we feel a lot of pride and our hearts break seeing him so powerful yet lonely, but it's not only that. The entire season deals with the consequences of Uk being so powerful, continuing the storyline started in s1 of Uk being, basically, a Very Messy Chosen One, weird conception included. We remember how in s1, he was treated like shit because he should not fulfil his destiny and come into his powers, he was a Bad Thing Waiting to Happen. Therefore Uk has always been the trigger, in s2 he is also the nuke.

Season 2 answers the questions: What can you do if you're basically a god? How would people react? Can you really come home if you're not who you were before?

And again, it's a perfect continuation of season 1. I saw posts I loved saying s1 shows a perfect asshole/asshole main pairing, describing Uk as self-centred, and they're kinda right. Episode 1 season 1: we see Uk help a wanted assassin escape her fate at the hands of his friends and adoptive family basically, because he needs her. He was never ready to fight for the world, only for himself AND the few he loves (Naksu, Maidservant Kim, his childhood friends). Take this kind of person... and give him the power to not only be a magical overpowered prodigy and incredible warrior, but also a (technically rightful) king. On top of that, make him heartbroken because the only person he loved and wholly trusted killed him. It's a disaster.

This is how we meet Uk in s2, struggling to and outright avoiding answering these questions. He lives as a husk of himself, separated from society, using his powers in a very limited way. Inaction is the only way, he thinks, to avoid war. He is kinda right: the moment he starts wanting things again, the moment he acts again (the moment Cho Yeong is back in his life), he becomes an enemy. His existence is the reason why Jin Mu manages to turn so many to his cause: if power like this exists and walks among us, why should we settle for anything less?

In the end, Uk has to grimly embody Jin Mu's ideals: someone so powerful can amass even more power and do basically whatever he wants, even burn the representatives of 8 main families alive. He is also, again, the Chosen One of the Bad, Terrible News: the awakening of the fire bird could not be stopped, even if it is one of the main quests of 'normal people' throughout s2.

The shift in Uk in season 1 was spectacular, satisfying, hard won, flashy: from a ridiculed pampered noble to one of the most powerful mages of the country. The shift in season 2 is just as important, but internal. It's Uk choosing to do what's right –killing the soul shifters, even if it's Naksu, even if it means not killing Jin Mu himself–, and choosing to do what's right for the world, even if said world can't accept him in full. Uk giving his golden medallion to the Crown Prince isn't just the culmination of the two finally reaching an understanding, but Uk knowing he, powerful as he is, can decide the shape of the future of the country. Without his approval, the Crown Prince could never have become the king.

Finally, of course, the reason why Uk can grow is the same in both seasons, his bond with Cho Yeong. First she is his master, bringing him to full powers, helping him face his destiny, then she is his true companion, the only person who can stand beside him and help him find his rightful place in the world. Season 2 is very different from season 1, but all the good elements are there, and without it, season 1 would not end properly. I understand why some people say season 2 felt unnecessarily fanservice-y (there are standard moments of badassery on Uk's part and romance tropes abound), but actually season 2 is more profound and thought-out than one may think. Or maybe I just love Uk too much and this is just a long and unnecessary tumblr post.

alternative title of the series: uk and the very bad, terrible prophecies where he becomes a god

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 12th of March, 2023

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 12th of March, 2023

Question: Does King Charles know about Meghan's surrogacies?

Note: This reading is written from the viewpoint that Meghan's children were born from surrogates. If that is not the case then this reading is void.

Edited: Because I forgot the picture!

Interpretation: If he does know, he is not prepared to do anything about it.

Card One: The Two of Wands, reversed

Upright, the Two of Wands is about planning for the future and making decisions, taking planned risks to gain a reward. Reversed, it is about a lack of planning, not taking action, playing it safe and avoiding risk. It can also mean setting personal goals and/or ignoring the detail when you plan for the future.

The energy of this card is of disrupted plans. Charles had plans for his future that have now been thrown into disarray. The energy is of someone who doesn't want risk and who still wants to fulfil their plans as much as possible. Not taking risks and inaction, not doing anything, are coming through clearly.

The card shows a red haired man holding two torches (torches=wands=PR) outside the cave of Chiron (which represents the BRF), and the cave used to be his home. This tells me that Harry (a red haired man who left the BRF) is the source of Charles's disrupted plans and Harry is the reason that Charles does not want to do anything about the surrogacies

If Charles does know about Meghan's surrogacies, he is not prepared to do anything about them at this point in time. He wants to play it safe, to stick with what he knows, and not cause any trouble or stir things up. If he knows, he is not prepared to do anything about it at this stage.

Card Two: Death in reverse.

Death is the card of Scorpio, the sun sign of King Charles. In reverse, it means that the person is overshadowed in some way, not living up to who they are, not doing the right thing - they are negative instead of positive. If they are meant to wait they are taking action, and if they are meant to take action they are standing still. Charles is not doing what he should be doing, he is giving in to his lesser emotions (fear, ego, not wanting confrontation - I'm not sure what) and not taking the actions required of him.

When it is not a person, Death is about change, change that transforms and heals. It is about endings - sometimes the end of a life, but more often a change that can't be undone, like giving birth - you can't go back to being pregnant with the baby once it is born.

In reverse, Death is a fear of change and a fear of endings. The person is digging their heels in and resisting change with all their might. It then becomes a card of stagnation and decay.

King Charles does not want to make any changes to his planned future. He is not taking action on the surrogacies because he does not want to face the uproar if the surrogacies are true or face the consequences if they are true (Harry out of the Line of Succession). He is afraid of what will happen. so he is resisting any changes that would come from that knowledge as hard as he can.

Card Three: Strength.

This is the card of Leo, and Meghan is a sun sign Leo. This is confirmation that this situation is all about her. Her card is upright because she is triumphant. As long as King Charles resists making any changes because of the surrogacies, she will not be exposed for her part in attempting to interfere with the line of succession, and she is safe. Just like Hercules squeezing the lion (symbol of England) in the picture, as long as Charles does nothing, she has the upper hand.

Strength is the card of inner strength, of having the strength to do what is right regardless of how it makes you feel. It is having that inner bravery to stand up for what is right, to fight for what is fair and just and to see that fight through to the end. This is what Charles lacks in this situation and the cards are saying that he needs to find that inner strength to deal with the situation. Colloquially, he needs to put his big boy panties on and man up.

Underlying Energy: The Hanged Man in reverse.

The Hanged Man upright is a card of waiting and planning. In the reverse, it has two meanings - either now is the time to take action and put the plans you have made into motion, or it represents someone who is stalling, not interested in taking action, a situation of stagnation where it feels like you are putting all your effort into a situation and nothing is turning out like it should.

I am getting both energies from this card.

The first energy is a 'the time for action is now' energy. This energy is coming from an external source, it is not from Charles. There is pressure on him from this external source to do something about Meghan's surrogacies and to do it now.

The other energy is of delay, stagnation, not interested, and this energy is from King Charles. He is not interested in doing anything about Meghan's surrogacies at the moment, He doesn't even want to know about them. His attention and focus is somewhere else, most likely on Harry. He has been putting a lot of time and effort into that situation and it has not turned out the way he thought it would. Until that situation turns out the way he wants, Charles is simply not interested in doing anything about the surrogacies and he will delay and stall any action on them as long as he can.

Major Arcana Cards: Three out of the four cards in this reading are major arcana cards. This is a big deal. Out of those three cards, two are reversed, so things are not going as the universe wants them too (reversals in a general sense mean a delay).

Conclusion:

Charles does not want to know if Meghan had her children by surrogates or not. He is not interested, and he does not want that news to come out. He is stalling and delaying the news as much as possible. He doesn't want to take any risks, he doesn't want to confront anyone, and he doesn't want any changes. He wants everything to remain exactly as it is until whatever situation he is pouring his time and effort into works out the way he wants it to work out (I think this is Harry and getting him back in the UK and in the family, but I could be wrong).

The situation around the surrogacy question is one of stagnation and decay. There is a force pushing for action on this matter and Charles is pushing back and saying "I don't want to". While Charles sits there resisting change, the universe is telling him to muster his inner strength and get this situation over and done with. Let the change happen, take the risk, face your fears and either take action yourself or let other people do it. The longer Charles waits the worse it will be for him when the truth about the surrogacies comes out - and it is pushing to come out. Charles has a limited space of time in which to do the right thing and let the change happen.

The overall energy of this reading is of a murky, stinking, stagnant pool of water that needs to be opened to the river so fresh water can wash through it and make it clean again.

I hope Charles finds his inner strength and confronts the situation as the cards say he should.

[moreespressoformydepresso]

There’s this movie that I remember watching as a child and even now, thinking about it, it just hits me right in the heart. It’s about bullying, but the main character is neither the bully nor the victim. It’s a bystander.

David watches how the boy in his class is treated, and he tries to step in but stops because they slash the tires of his bike. They’re not friends, but he’s the only person that tried to help the victim, Jochem. There’s romantic drama, which causes David to refuse to help Jochem when he gets bullied again. The next day, the school gets the news that Jochem didn’t come home. David and the love interest find out he committed suicide in a lake.

The thing that stuck with me, though? It’s one line that’s just perfect. It’s both a title drop and the embodiment of the fact that, sometimes, the consequences of your actions are irreversible. David confronts one of the bullies, Justin, who made Jochem work his job without getting paid. Justin’s working to pay everything back to Jochem’s parents. After some arguing Justin asks David: “what do you want me to say?!”

The response?

“That you’re sorry!”

It doesn’t hit the same in English, but the acting is amazing. The frustration and anger can be felt, but now that I’m older I also feel a sense of hopelessness in it. Because this is all they can do now. It’s too late. Jochem is dead, he’s gone and nothing will bring him back. No matter how much Justin works to pay the parents, it’s not gonna bring their son back to life. No matter how much David rages, it won’t undo the past. It won’t change the fact that he let his emotions lead him to abandon someone who was begging him for help. All they can do is regret, because nothing they could ever do will change what they did and what it led to.

David’s right to demand that the bullies say they’re sorry, because at least that means Jochem’s death affected them. Maybe then, it’ll have meant something.

I like that it’s not from Jochem’s perspective, but from that of an outsider, because oftentimes the victim’s perspective doesn’t really show how the small things could have changed so much because the victim often doesn’t really realize it. But in the aftermath, the person who could have done something knows that their inaction contributed to this. Justin tries to make up for what he did, but he can’t. Meanwhile, David’s angrily lashing out at him, because he’s angry at the bullies but he’s also angry at himself for not doing anything. But it’s too late now. Jochem’s gone, and nothing any of them do or say will stop that from being a cold fact.

Justin’s right to ask David what he wants him to say, because there is nothing to say.

[lettersfromtheashesgame]

June Launch

Letters from the Ashes launched its first playtest in June of 2024, and there were some interesting things that happened. One of the first things to note is that I was actually late sending out initial Resources to people, which meant that the actual things that made people need to interact arrived late, so letters didn't start being sent out until about halfway through the month.

The second thing is that I noted immediately that there was a lot of "Hey, message me if you want to make contact" in the "Mail Coordination" channel of the discord server, and far fewer people willing to make first contact. I, in hindsight, should have foreseen this. I love my friends dearly, but many of us are introverts, after all. That did not stop me from being frustrated with the slow start, though. I had hoped that there would be a flurry of letters immediately, and for a few standout players there were! Kyarn Meeting (the Mothman Cult) earned a secret achievement for being the first person to send a letter to every single other player within a 3-month span, and he did it in 2. Granted, most of these letters were shitposts, but I found them extremely on brand:

In addition to the wild nonsense being sent out by the Grannies at Kyarn Meeting, they also declared war on two people immediately. Mostly as a way to get feelers out there. One of those players left the game basically immediately afterwards, so I haven't included them in the player listing, but the other is on my list of "Extremely Inactive", and so I've actually had to add a rules hotfix to prevent turtling from being a viable defensive strategy in my rules. We'll see how that goes.

One very fun thing from the end of June is that Hazelwood Farmstead (the totally normal farm that is definitely not doing Cannibalism) has itself in what is honestly a very fun conflict triangle. Hazelwood and Rust Falls were slotted together as adversaries before the game started to give some immediate tension to the game, (everyone got these rivalries, but they're not super relevant, to be honest). They decided that it would be interesting if, before game start, a person from Rust Falls had gone to Hazelwood Farmstead and been missing since then (you, know because of the definitely not Cannibalism). This has been having some very good back and forths that I'll probably cover in more detail at some point. But the fun part is that off to the side, Mills Golden has been allied with Hazelwood, and Hazelwood sent the Mills some food, which is just food (for now, because the Hazelwood player informs me of every time they send Human Steaks to other players, and I cackle every time), but I'm just waiting for the time when Hazelwood sends Lars Liverwurst to Mills Golden and for Rust falls to find out.

This is a compounded funny situation because at the end of June, I got a monthly update from Mills Golden in character, which included a decree from their leader saying "Cannibalism is now forbidden."

It's gonna be so funny when they all find out. I know the Hazelwood player is extremely excited for there to be consequences to their actions.

[msclaritea]

The Church of England's increasingly dire record on safeguarding should have consequences for its established status, says Megan Manson.

It didn't take long for the glitz and glamour of the coronation to fade, and for the Church of England to find itself back in the quagmire of abuse scandals.

Within days of their Westminster Abbey extravaganza, the UK's established Church found itself having to answer to damning findings of an independent review into the case of Trevor Devamanikkam, a CofE priest who raped Matthew Ineson in the 1980s. Ineson was just 16 years old.

Days later, victims of alleged abuse at the hands of CofE preacher Mike Pilavachi called for an independent investigation into his actions, as they don't trust the Church's own internal inquiry.

Pilavachi's victims and survivors have every right to be sceptical of the Church's ability, in their words, to "mark its own homework". The Devamanikkam review, and responses from those implicated, make plain why.

The review paints a picture of a chaotic and bumbling Church, unclear of what to do when safeguarding disclosures are made and incapable of providing important paperwork relating to the case in a timely manner (if at all).

But most troubling of all are the bishops who failed to act despite Ineson, himself now a CofE vicar, making multiple verbal and written disclosures of abuse. Bishop of Oxford Steven Croft (pictured; left) and retired archbishop of York John Sentamu (right) in particular stand out. Both of them sit in the House of Lords thanks to the unique CofE privilege of having 26 seats reserved for their bishops. Croft is a current member of the bishops' bench and Sentamu is now a Lord Temporal; all former archbishops of Canterbury and York are offered life peerage.

Croft has admitted his inaction was wrong and, 10 years after Ineson's disclosure, has finally apologised. Ineson, not unreasonably, has called for Croft to step down: "You cannot ignore disclosures of rape by a priest and do nothing."

But Sentamu's reaction has been quite different. Let's not forget he was archbishop of York at the time of the disclosures – second only to the archbishop of Canterbury in the church hierarchy. He was copied into Ineson's letter disclosing the abuse to Croft in 2013. In any place of work, you would hope a safeguarding issue, especially one raised by a current employee, would be taken with the utmost seriousness by senior management. But Sentamu's only action was to reply to Ineson: "Thank you for copying me into the letter, which I have read. Please be assured of my prayers and best wishes during this testing time."

The review rightly criticised Sentamu for failing to use his authority to ensure Croft responded to Ineson, or to write to Ineson directly, or to seek advice from his Diocesan Safeguarding Adviser, instead of merely sending 'thoughts and prayers'.

Unlike Croft, Sentamu's reaction to the review was not to admit wrongdoing, but to double down. He said the reviewer's conclusion that no church law "excuses the responsibility of individuals not to act on matters of a safeguarding nature" is "odd and troubling". He even made the extraordinary claim that "Safeguarding is very important but it does not trump Church Law".

Sentamu appears to be incorrect; the review concluded he failed to act according to the Church's own procedures. But his statement is not only wrong – it reveals the extremely warped sense of moral priorities that many Church leaders operate under. If a church's rules meant a victim of child sexual abuse could not get justice, surely a moral person could not tolerate being a leader within that church?

Sentamu has since been asked to step down from his CofE role while the Church considers the review. Again, his reaction has not been to consider that he may be in the wrong, but to go on the attack: "They have besmirched my name and I have been made a public example".

Sentamu is by no means the first CofE leader to seemingly prioritise institutional agendas over the safety and wellbeing of children and young people. Consider the case of bishop Peter Ball, whose victims of abuse were branded liars by the Church while Ball was afforded all sympathy and support – even from former archbishop of Canterbury George Carey and then-Prince Charles, who is now the Church's supreme governor.

Even former culture secretary Nadine Dorries MP, not usually a sceptic of faith groups, has criticised the Church's response to the Devamanikkam case. She was abused as a child by an Anglican priest but was met with "silence" when she disclosed what happened to her, and probably to other young girls, to bishops in the House of Lords. She rightly asks: "How many more of us — people like Matthew Ineson and myself — are there out there? People who were abused as youngsters and then ignored."

She adds: "The Roman Catholic Church has, with good cause, been the focus of much of the historic child sex abuse in recent decades, and that has suited the Church of England. But it cannot escape the evil that lurks within its own cloisters any longer."

But what is the state's response to the Church's failures on child abuse?

Very little, it seems. The Church continues to sit comfortably in the constitution as the state religion, luxuriating in the status and privilege this brings. Its bishops, even those at the heart of safeguarding failures, continue to sit in the House of Lords as of right. Our head of state must pledge to uphold the Church's privileges at an Anglican ceremony costing millions in taxpayers' money – as we speak, plans for William's coronation are already afoot. The Church is allowed to lead prayers at the start of every sitting in both houses of parliament. And it controls over a quarter of all primary schools, making it the largest academy provider in England. Hardly a responsibility we'd usually grant an institution with such an appalling record on child abuse.

The Church uses its supposed 'moral insight' to argue for its privileges. Its record on sex abuse surely shatters this argument – together with its increasingly outdated institutional homophobia and sexism.

Survivors and campaigners rightly call for a zero-tolerance approach from the Church of England towards abuse. But this responsibility should also apply to the UK state. If we want to demonstrate we take protecting children from abuse and justice for victims seriously, we must show there are consequences for institutions that repeatedly fail in safeguarding. That should include stripping the Church of its exclusive, unearned and increasingly unjustifiable privileges as the state religion."

Victims do not trust Meg Munn (a former Labour MP)

"...Meanwhile, victims have welcomed the ISB board speaking out.

One victim who was abused by John Smyth, the “sadomasochistic” QC who beat dozens of young boys, said: “Victims and survivors yearn for a strong, independent body to fight our corner. True, strong, independent safeguarding, like truth or justice, should not be a struggle for the Church of England but part of its lifeblood.

“Victims may be traumatised, fearful and fragile. Confidence in safeguarding has to be absolute. But put bluntly, victims do not trust Meg Munn.

“The Church of England has no one in authority shouting from the rooftops about the need for truly independent safeguarding oversight, neither Lead Bishops, Archbishops or Archbishops' Council. Where is the prophetic voice? A truly independent ISB must be able to use its platform, strongly, firmly, and I am glad that Steve and Jasvinder have found their voice.”

A child victim said: “I feel very betrayed and let down by the Church of England over this. I’m devastated at the handling, not just of my own case, but the treatment of other children too and the fact that, as far as I can see, even those at the top are not taking the care of children seriously or protecting us.

“I feel abandoned by the church. In my view, they act in this way because trying to protect their reputation is much more important to them than doing the right thing.”

'Children are let down over and over again'

Another victim, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that he would not be giving his testimony to the ISB if Ms Munn remains in post.

He added that her appointment to this “sensitive post is utterly unacceptable, inappropriate and irresponsible”.

‌The mother of a child who claims they were abused while a choristor added: “Children ought to be safe in the Church of England, but this dreadful saga shows that despite all the promises they have made this is simply not happening, and children are let down over and over again.

“The Church of England cannot be trusted to police itself. Until we have proper independent oversight these failings will continue and more children will be harmed...."

[ailelie]

The eating of the fruit is literally what the first sin was, but what it represents is the more important thing to consider. However, hiding from God and passing the blame..these are consequences of eating the fruit. What trusting the snake meant was to doubt God, the failure to trust that He knew what was best for us. Wanting to be like God is also consequence of trusting something other than God (the serpent) when it tells you that God does not want what is best for you. Death was a consequence, separation was a punishment. Needing to labour (work) and labour (childbirth) were necessary consequences of that separation from the garden. These are fun discussions to have, but there are answers. Speculation is fun and all, and can be quite fruitful...but there are answers. There are a few things that are divine mysteries, but not every part of the Bible is mysterious.

I mean, that is what I've always been told in church. I've heard so many times that eating the fruit is the sin that I never questioned it.

And I'm not saying that it isn't that necessarily nor am I saying the Bible is all mysterious. I'm saying the Bible is a tool we've been given to better understand God (and ourselves). And, personally, I understand zilch when someone just tells me that X is X.

I need and want to wrestle with ideas. Because, let's work with the assumption that eating the fruit isn't the first sin. For sake of argument, lets say passing blame and not owning up the error is.

How does that change later stories and lessons?

If disobeying an order (if it indeed was an order rather than warning) isn't the sin, but refusing to own up to the disobedience is, how does that change the rest of the Bible?

Suddenly the emphasis isn't on always following the rules and God as Divine Disciplinarian, but rather on making amends, which begins by admitting the sin. Refusing to make amends introduces distance. That punishment started before God said a single word in response. It is a natural consequence. God then exacerbates the distance to really drive home the lesson--this is what happens when...

How does this affect the New Testament? When Paul writes that "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" he could mean that we have all failed to close the distances between ourselves and others. We have failed to always make amends for our mistakes. We have hurt ourselves and others through our actions and inactions and we can't fix all of that pain.

I like this because, imo, it puts the emphasis on healing and community rather than on rule breaking and shame. And those attributes are better aligned with my ideas of God as love and the concept of radical grace.

Or we can go back to Divine Disciplinarian and say that we've all broken the 10 Commandments and other rules because being a perfect person who follows all the rules is impossible. I mean, that's close to what one church I attended growing up taught. And I hate that. For many reasons, including that it aligns being right/good/etc with following rules.

I'm not saying the Bible is ~mysterious~, I'm saying that it is a tool for us to engage with, not just passively accept. I hate the idea that I'm supposed to just take preordained lessons from it or find applicable verses.

If I can't have a dialogue with the Bible, it is dead to me.

[charmingbrute]

she stands there, robes dirty and mask broken with tears streaming down her face. amaurot is still preparing for what is to come, for those final days they try to escape while other places had already been engulfed by the flames and the monsters.

her home had been one of those. "...shepherd to the star" she whispers, blue eyes angrily staring up at ares "or only to this city?! where were you and yours when we needed you?!" cassandra draws in a shakily breath while her whole body trembled.

"... i should have never trusted you"

As the conflagration rages beyond the bounds of civilization, a man stands steadfast amidst the tumult. The Star, it seems, is destined for a reckoning beyond all reckoning, and yet he is not cowed by the flames that lick at the fringes of his being. Rather, he stands tall and resolute, a mask of stoic resignation concealing the turmoil within. Before him, his mentor casts a stern and searching gaze, piercing him with eyes that hold great blame. His mask hides his surprise at her words, but still he stands silent, offering no explanation or justification.

As the flames rise higher and higher, the man's lips thin into a wounded smile, a gesture that betrays the pain that grips his heart. For he knows that his mentor is right, that he has failed in his duty to protect all. And yet he cannot help but feel a sense of resignation, of acceptance that the end is nigh and that his efforts, however valiant, will ultimately be in vain. He touched his mask, his eyes downcast and his countenance heavy with the weight of a lifetime's burden. For as long as he could remember, he had lived with the curse of foresight, blessed - or cursed - with the ability to see the future in all its myriad forms. But there was never a vision that brought him joy, never a glimpse of a Star that was not shrouded in darkness and despair. Every premonition he had was like a knife to his heart, heightening his fright and his sorrow, leaving him a shell of a man consumed by the weight of his own foreknowledge.

His mentor, of all people, should have understood him the most, for she too was an oracle, blessed with the same gift that had become his own personal hell. And yet, instead of offering him solace, she blamed him for his inactions, chastising him for his failure to act on the knowledge that he possessed. But how could he act when every vision left him paralyzed with fear, when every glimpse of the future brought with it the promise of pain and suffering beyond measure? For the man, the burden of a seer's life had become too much to bear, leaving him adrift in a world that he no longer understood.

"I could say the same to you," Ares bit his lip, acknowledging their own shortcoming as a whole. The Convocation might have been known for the excellence of each individual within, but even they have faults and every decision of theirs come with a hefty price. He chose the consequences. "That eyes of yours could see in lands so far beyond mine. You know where I've been, you know exactly where and what I was doing." Trying to salvage the life of the Star's citizenry, people who'd most likely outlive him, but will they tell his story? "You have chosen to be in a place that means to you more. In this case, your choice of saving your people meant you have cast aside the well-being of those who could have lived had you been there. And I ask you... why, then, did you not come to their aid?" The rise of anger sits on his throat, but the tone of his voice remained rigid, soulless. "Are their lives less important in your eyes? Are these people lesser creatures in the face of all that we could lose? Answer me and dare try to blame me again in the same breath. If you could not save everyone, what makes you think I could've done more than you?"

[autumnsparrow]

nothing drives home the fact that you've become a different person or, rather, the person you were meant to be than going back to your hometown for the holidays.

i moved out of my childhood home and moved to one of my dream cities about a year and a half ago. i had always wanted to move out ever since i was a teenager but several things (e.g. money issues, emotional manipulation, family obligations, the pandemic, etc.) had me postponing it to the point that i was legitimately scared that i would be stuck in my hometown until i died. in 2021, i finally had enough money and courage to move out.

in the year and a half since, i have learned so much about myself. i have also begun living my life as i always hoped i would.

i'm no longer afraid to ask for help (and ask questions) because no one is going to make me feel stupid for doing so.

i no longer feel guilty about bowing out of conversations and social gatherings when my social battery is drained because the people i surround myself with respect my boundaries.

i finally feel safe, relaxed, and comfortable in the home i've made for myself, my friends/roommates, and our cats because it's ours.

but with all of that being said, i'm now wide awake at a quarter past two because i woke up in a panic. i'm in my childhood house and i've only been here 12 hours but i already want to go back to the home i've made for myself.

and it's a bit ridiculous because nothing bad even happened. there were no raised voices, no passive-aggressive remarks, and no hostility. but this feeling of uneasiness built up to the point that i woke up at 1AM and now i can't go back to sleep.

i kept thinking why i was uneasy throughout the afternoon and evening and this is what i discovered...

i've had to become hyper-vigilant again because any action or remark, no matter how innocent or mundane, can be perceived and transformed into something malicious.

i've only been here a little over 12 hours and i already feel deeply unsettled for having to sacrifice my comfort to appease the people who've dealt me the most trauma. and don't take this to mean that a year and a half away meant i was completely healed. i wasn't. i'm not. i'm still dealing with the consequences of their actions (and inactions). but that time away helped me realize that there is more to me than the version that was trapped here.

(and you might be thinking, "why are you even there then?" listen, i get it. i always tell friends that they shouldn't put themselves in uncomfortable situations. but i can never takr my own advice because my family life is complicated. it's so complicated that it deserves its own dissertation at this point.)

anyway... where was i going with this? right. i'm a different person. or, rather, i'm slowly becoming the person i've always hoped to be. what should've been a nice realization is now tainted by how it came to me.

so, to continue protecting myself and my sanity, i've decided to cut my trip short. i'll come up with some excuse so i can leave a day early because i deserve it.

[matcha-chai-latte]

That’s a huge discussion here so I’ll just answer you here.

I wanted to reply to a couple of points:

1. I don’t think Yon hi was terrified of Yuhon himself, but she was scared by his actions.

What she meant to say by “you terrify me, my dear” was that he is “terrible” and does terrible things. That doesn’t mean she was scared of him himself, scared for her wellbeing or something. He never wanted to scare her or let alone harm her. He loved her a lot and it was constantly highlighted in the flashbacks.

But just like Yuhon and Il, Yuhon and Yon hi were two extremes in terms of personality. He was dominant, loud and strong willed, while she was submissive, quiet and…like you said “spineless”.

In fact I think that she was spineless to such an extent, that even Il would seem dominant and terrifying to her😅

And I think her drowning in guilt and self-loathing was not (or not only) related to Yuhon’s actions, but mostly because of her own inaction. She did nothing to stop anything he did. She was…spineless (I can’t imagine a better way of describing her whole character) and she knew it and she hated it. Thus, she had a habit of blaming herself for every bad thing that happened, even when it was unrelated to her (like blaming herself for Kashi’s death or wishing she was never born).

Can you imagine Yona being like that? She would smack his brains for even considering burning someone for her sake. And if he did it behind her back, it would definitely be a scandal with consequences for him. She would open her mouth and participate in their lives and plans. A smart and strong woman would never let things like that happen.

So imo Yuhon was not the only one to blame. It was both Yuhon’s ruthlessnesses, as much as Yon hi’s spinelessness. And those were their main qualities as Soo-won’s parents: Yuhon dehumanizing him from an early age and Yon hi not participating at all.

That’s how I see it.

2. Il.

Il is still a shady, uncertain character for me. I can’t say he was a coward, as he jumped into a burning shrine to save Kashi. But I don’t think he was brave either. First of all because of his kingdom ruling style via giving away huge country parts to avoid war. Secondly, he killed his own brother by stabbing him in the back out of the blue, with no warning and kicked him of the cliff. I don’t think that was a brave way of doing that. Maybe he was brave enough to kill Yuhon, but the way he did it was kind of cowardly.

And Hak thinking Il was not a coward based merely on the fact that Il did not scream like a girl when he cut his hand is insane to me. As far as I’m concerned that was the only reason Hak respected Il. I have an awful feeling that at that moment, Hak simply found himself an excuse to stay with Yona (that was his main temptation at that time, and he said it himself that chapter). And by seeing a spark of character in Il he simply persuaded himself to think that Il is a good king/person and that he is doing the right thing by staying and serving them. I really hope I’m wrong.

In any case I don’t understand why did Hak choose to serve Il.

I think I will have to dedicate a post to this topic because my rant will be long😅

EXPLAIN IT TO HAK

I'm sorry but man when I go reread back to when they got back to the castle and see Hak just being clueless about Su-won's motivations (he STILL is behind on some things like what happened between Yu-hon and Il), why is he just blankly sitting there when she says it wasn't just "revenge".

I wish Hak knew more, although it would probably make the story a lot shorter than it is. I really think Yona should have told him more about Yon-hi's diary. Su-won had to be the one who told him about the crimson illness??

I wonder when Hak will find out about everything.

[louehvolution]

.

[1994sunflower]

what if Michael accidentally hurts y/n. Like maybe she’s coming home from her classes and she sees him beating someone up and she tries to stop him and he hurts her on accident. Sorry I just really love your writing especially angst ;)

thank you so much! i love angst too hehe...I dont know how angsty this is but i put a little bit of fluff at the end lol

also, i’m so sorry for being so inactive guys i really am working on stuff i promise :(( but i’m also making like 20 essays for school applications so it’s going slowly. hope you like this!

in which michael accidentally hurts you

You’re never sure how they start. You couldn’t picture something making you so angry that you’d resort to fists. Even your boyfriend, as apathetic as he is with most people, you didn’t know his violent side intimately. It was just never the way Michael was with you. It almost felt like a stranger when you saw evidence of it acting against others, hurting others. 

You never minded much, just tried to stop him and chastised him a bit while you patched him up. Because at the end of the day you knew he wasn’t a bad guy. Even appreciated his ability to defend himself and you. But still the mystery was always preserved. How the man that held you close, looked at you with nothing but love could be the cause of so many broken bones and bloodshed. Was it his temper that you had never seen or was it his not caring of anyone or even himself, the harm it could bring to him if he wasn’t careful.

Either way you hated it. Hated it each time you heard of it, his (comparatively much more violent) past of it and even more when you caught him at it yourself. It was never on purpose. Because if Michael had known you were anywhere near the vicinity he would stop, or leave to finish his business without you being there to witness that side of him. 

You were docile, so much different than him. Michael knew that as well as anyone else. He knew he didn’t deserve you. So, he tried to hard to avoid adding to the list of why. He could imagine in his worst nightmares you seeing that dark side of him, the one that was so much better than before thanks to you, and be terrified. Realize what kind of man you had chosen and finally see that you needed someone better. Someone who wasn’t so aggressive, so violent, so scary. He didn’t want you to look at him with those eyes. Scared, like you never really knew him. Because the truth was you knew him better than anyone else.

Usually you’d catch him when you were walking back from class. Something he should be doing as well. Instead, he’d be somewhere where he imagined you’d never cross paths, far from your last class. Too bad you liked to walk around campus and take shortcuts more than you should. 

It was usually the same thing. He’d have the upper hand. With his height and strength, it was easy. But that’d leave a victim, someone who couldn’t properly defend themselves against the wrath brought on by whatever they had done to Michael. Sometimes as little as bumping into him. You, with all your goodness and empathy, always stopped your boyfriend because you knew only you could. And if you could help someone, you’d always take the opportunity. 

This time was a little different. Maybe Michael had gotten his days crossed, maybe he forgot you had lab that day and you’d have to pass by that way. But in the walk from your building back to off campus, in the little alleyway of one of the last buildings separating campus from the main street, you heard it. The building was tall and its brick walls looked more like formidable walls, so you had to keep walking until you were right at the entryway of the surprisingly big alley to see. 

But your boyfriend was unmistakable. And so was the way he was punching down another boy. The boy was younger than him, it was obvious, maybe even a freshman. Which somehow made it worse. But they were almost equally matched in height and the boy, either from adrenaline or reflex, wasn’t just holding his hands up in defense. He landed more than a few punches back at your boyfriend. Hitting him in his jaw and face, you already saw some scrapes on his temple and cheek. 

Your face contorted into panic at the sight of Michael getting hurt. Maybe even more fear-stricken at that fact than you would have been just seeing another person getting hurt by his hand. It wasn’t fair to care more about him than the other boy, especially when you were sure Michael was the aggressor. But you didn’t care. You loved him too much to see him get hurt. It was the reason you hated him fighting so much, you dreaded to see the consequences it could end up having on him. You’d told him so many times to stop fighting in the past but he wouldn’t listen. He was getting better but never stopping. Being as good for his girlfriend as possible so you’d be proud of him.

There wasn’t much need to worry, though. A few punches landed on him but he still was dominating the fight by far. Especially when he was more pissed off at the younger boy fighting back. But it didn’t matter. If it went on the way it currently was going, both of them would be more seriously injured than maybe they even realized.

You weren’t sure why you didn’t call out to him. Maybe it was the urgency of the situation that had you mute and just running to your boyfriend as quickly as you could. You always stopped him, but that was always when he realized it was you by the sound of your voice. It never occurred to you that he wouldn’t recognize your touch when he was so blinded by rage. You didn’t realize until you were too close, had already touched his arm desperately, hoping to stop any more attacks from raining down on the other boy. You didn’t even get a chance to call out to him, let him listen to your familiar voice that always seemed to soothe him.

By then, he had already pushed you away. He did it without even looking at you, his anger still directed at the boy and no one would stop him — at least when he thought you wouldn’t be there. 

“Get the fuck off me.” His words were in a tone you’d never heard directed at you, only at other people. And his hand hit your shoulder and sent you flying back, landing with a loud thud on the concrete. 

You weren’t sure if the feeling of your body left lingering on his fingers was what made him recognize who he had just pushed. Or maybe it was the recognition of your voice in the pained yell you had let out as you fell down. But he froze. So completely paralyzed, his body rigid. He was begging that as he turned around, slowly almost mechanically, he wouldn’t see you on the ground. That you wouldn’t be the person he had just physically hurt in his anger. 

It was fruitless. As he kept his grip on his opponents shirt, but stopped yelling, stopped assaulting; just looking behind him, dreading what he would see. It was you. You sitting up, your knees and arms scraped from the fall, some blood and red, raw skin on the injuries. Your pretty dress was crumpled and dirty, bits of concrete, dirt and filth marred your spotless person. His pure, fragile girl.

But it was your face that had him letting go of the boy, arms hanging limply at his side, anger forgotten and eyes wide in horror at what he had just done to his girlfriend who he loved so much. You were looking up at him, tears in your eyes from the pain. They flowed down your cheeks and while you were silent, your eyes screamed at him what hurt more than any of the punches he had just taken. It’s your fault.

He hadn’t pushed that hard. But to your smaller body, even a light hit from him would be painful and powerful. Especially with his added strength.

“Y/N…” The boy was long forgotten. Even when he took the opportunity to run away. Michael forgot the reason for the fight in the first place. Nothing, really, entered his mind as important except you. All his thoughts had zeroed in on the scene in front of him, what he had just done to you. You were the best thing to ever happen to him. He cared about you so much. He loved you more than anyone else, even himself. Hurting you was the last thing he ever wanted to do. He’d hurt himself before he let anything touch you. All he ever wanted was to protect you. But yet, he was the one that ended up doing just that.

“Fuck, baby, I didn’t-” Know it was you. 

He fucked up. He’d never felt more ashamed at having lost control. If he hadn’t, he’d have stopped and seen it was you. He would have listened when your little hand took hold of his arm. Recognized the feeling of your skin on his like he could so easily do when he was in the right frame of mind. He wouldn’t have hurt you. You wouldn’t be on the ground, dirty and injured because of him. 

But as he stepped towards you, already bending down to help you up, check on you, it got worse. It was worse before you pushed yourself back with the heels of your feet, putting more distance between him and you, making sure he couldn’t get near you. “Don’t touch me.” 

Hurt flashed on his face at your words. At you rejecting to even be near him. The one person that had always stuck by him through everything and forgave him even with how often he fucked up. The one that gave him an unconditional love he wasn’t used to. Part of him new he deserved it, for hurting you even if it was an accident. But the ache he felt when he couldn’t even help you, ask for your forgiveness because you didn’t want to hear it right then, was strong. 

Your voice wavered and broke but your eyes showed very clearly how much you meant those words. He wasn’t sure what was worst to see in them, the anger or the fear. 

Why were you even there? He was sure you had class on the opposite side of campus. It was why he never imagined you were the one trying to stop him. He pictured you walking peacefully from your class back home to wait for him to get back to you. Not what actually ended up happening. He would have never fought in a place you could so easily have seen, so easily have gotten hurt. Especially when he wanted to make you see how much better he was being for you, even if not by much. If you had called out to him, he hadn’t even heard you.

Michael felt a pit at his stomach. Could already hear you breaking up with him, because a girl like you didn’t deserve to be on the ground, looking so pretty and innocent and have that ruined because her boyfriend couldn’t just listen to her and try to be less violent with others. Dread filled him at the different possibilities of losing you this could bring him. None of them did he want. But still, watching you wince as you emotionally collected yourself, he had to curse himself. He wouldn’t blame you. It’s his fault.

Even at your words, he still moved forward, getting down on his knees to be on your level. When you lifted up your palms from the ground, they were tinged pink from the fall and bits and pieces of the concrete were stuck to the palms of your hands. His jaw locked at the sight, regret filling his mind.

Taking your small hands in his, slowly, he sucked in a relieved breath when you didn’t push him away like he thought you would. Instead, he wouldn’t meet your big eyes as he felt them looking at him, he couldn’t. It was so shameful to see that pure wide eyed look of yours and know he had hurt someone that wholesome and kind. 

His gaze stayed on your hands as you held them out palm up. One of his hands cupped the back of your two hands while the other he used to gently pick off the grovel. Not too fast lest they be sharp and hurt you. It was almost comical really, to see his hands, still bloody at the knuckles from the fight, being so tender only a few minutes later. 

“Does it hurt?” He asked you when he was done. When you winced as you curled your fingers in was the answer. 

You wouldn’t even look at him. Let alone acknowledge the apology begging to leave his lips. And he had to resist the urge to take you into his arms so he wouldn’t feel the coldness you were currently giving him. Tears were still running down your cheek by the time your backpack that had fallen beside you was taken up by Michael. He slung it across his shoulder easily, no matter how heavy you had found it. Then his arm was around your waist and his hand on your arm, pulling you up finally from the ground that should be kissed at your feet instead of you laying in it. 

Clearly, he wasn’t taking your command to not touch you seriously. But you didn’t make any move to enforce it - despite how angry you felt, how struck at what he had done to you, no matter that he had done it unconsciously. He needed it, to feel as if he hadn’t completely destroyed everything in the relationship he cherished so much. That the only girl he loved and respected didn’t feel terrified of him and distrust him.

He’d brought a lot of emotions out of you, particularly pleasure, but pain was never meant to be one of them.

That much was obvious in the almost shameful look on his face all the way back to your house - the place you’d forced him to take you to instead of his own home. You would’ve preferred to go home by yourself, your anger and freight not being appropriate to be next to him, let alone have him nearly piggyback carrying you all the way. But he wouldn’t leave your side. 

It was also seen in his small voice, as shaky and almost insecure as you’d ever heard it when you forced him to put you down as you finally got home. The security of your home giving you what your had been lacking the second Michael sent you to the ground, the safety you usually got from him was weak.

“I can help...” 

“No, I got it.” Your words were cold, so different from your usually light and happy voice, as you walked away from him and to your bathroom where you kept the first aid kit. It was usually there for him whenever he got in a fight and got hurt. But now, you needed it.

He flinched at your tone. Despite whatever fights he ever got in, you were the only one who could ever truly hurt him. 

Michael stayed in the living room silently while you disinfected your wounds and covered them up. He hurt you. You could still feel the pain of it, see it physically manifested. You were still crying, sniffling as quietly as you could. It didn’t hurt so much as it did scare you. Not that you were scared of him. Despite what happened, you knew it was an accident and you knew he would never hurt you purposely like that ever. 

But the fact it happened, the fact he had been so lost in his anger that he didn’t stop and think about what he was doing and his surroundings. The fact that you had felt his strength in such an ugly, dangerous way. The suddenness of it scared you. 

And you hated feeling that towards your boyfriend. You only wanted to feel happy and loved with him, nothing as negative as this. It was also frustrating, knowing you had warned him of consequences of his actions like this, though never expected you’d ever be on the receiving end of it, but he still hasn’t changed. But this was the last time you’d ever allow yourself to be in this position.

It made you almost think that your friends, the rumors, maybe they were more right about Michael and his anger than you were whenever you tried to defend him. You wanted your boyfriend to be safe. You didn’t want to believe they were right. Otherwise, you didn’t really know the man you claimed to love.

You were mad and frightened. But it came from a place of love. You didn’t want him to get hurt and you especially didn’t want it to get to this point where he couldn’t even stop himself before it got out of his control until it was too late. You loved him.

When you finished fixing yourself up as best as you could, you left the bathroom and moved quietly into your living room where Michael was sitting silently. His face was in his hands. His very posture screamed regret and you didn’t even want to imagine how dark and self-deprecating his thoughts were as he blamed himself for hurting you, you knew it was hard for him.

He’d told you so many times it was the last thing he wanted. You weren’t sure he could forgive himself. Especially when he knew his strength compared to yours, when he saw your injuries caused by his hand. 

You weren’t sure he even felt your presence when you slowly sat down next to him on the couch, the kit still in your hands. “Here, let me cover that up.”

He had bruises all over his face, particularly his jaw but he had an especially nasty cut on his forehead. 

But when you raised your hands to start working on it, Michael finally looked at you, only to move his head back and shake his head. You were too good for this world, to still worry about him after everything. 

“Don’t waste it on me.”

With you red rimmed eyes, your voice was still more serious than usual but your words were almost normal, “Don’t be silly. You’re hurt.”

Michael kept silent as you focused on his injury. But you could tell his mind was moving quickly, probably figuring out what to say to you.

You wanted him to feel bad, it wasn’t okay and he needed to feel it in order to change. But you didn’t want him to drive himself crazy with kicking himself in the back for what he accidentally did. He stopped as soon as it happened, it gave you hope of how he could change. How this could be a wake up call.

It was only when you were almost done that he spoke. “I didn’t know you were the one grabbing me. I swear I would never have hurt you, it was too late when I realized you-” his head hung in shame, “You were already on the ground when I figured out it was you.”

He was silent for a while and you thought it was him re-living the moment you had been flung so strongly. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I would never hurt you like that. Ever. I promise. You’re the only good thing I have in my life. I can’t lose you and it shouldn’t have happened, I should have realized I was just so pissed off. And I thought you were in class. I never thought you’d be there. But it will never happen again.” 

“Michael…” You sighed, you’d heard that before. 

But he cut you off. “No, I’m serious. It won’t. I….I hated seeing you hurt like that. Especially because it was my fault. I know I’m violent but you’ll never experience that again. You’ll never see that again. I’ll never hurt you again so…please…I’m sorry.”

He was so rarely vulnerable with his words, let alone speaking so much. It was obvious he meant it. You took in his apology and his words. You didn’t say it was okay but you didn’t move away or reject his apology either. 

“You won’t lose me.” When his guilty eyes bore into yours, you took his bruised hand. “I know you didn’t meant to, Mikey, you’re not that type of guy and you’ve never been violent towards me. But I get so worried seeing you fight and get hurt, you didn’t even realize it was me because you were so mad. It’s seeing you in a light that I don’t like.”

His words were soft-spoken and gentle, his rough hands encasing your smaller ones almost as if they were glass, like the most precious thing he had. “I know. I’m working on it.” Both of you knew he was. If just to keep you happy. His fights are fewer and farther between but when they do happen, they’re never any less bloody. 

Michael’s eyes trailed down to your arm and your dress, marred with stripes of gravel and dirt. Your scraped knees. Your eyes puffy from crying. Even hurt you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. He almost wanted to pull away, he had no right to be touching you, to still be the object of your love. Not when someone as sweet, innocent and peaceful as you was with someone as wrong as him. You deserved someone that brought only smiles out of you. Fuck. He cherished you. And he was disgusted at what he did; would always be, the memory would haunt him for a long time. 

He almost looked in pain as he forced himself to keep looking at what he had done to you. “Does it still hurt?”

You almost didn’t want to answer, for his sake but still you nodded. “I have to change clothes, too.”

“You look so pretty.” It made it worse, how much you more you deserved. “You deserve better.”

Your eyes were confident with your next words, “You’re going to give me that.” He had to. Otherwise, you didn’t think anything you imagined your future would be was going to stay the same. 

And he would. For you.

It didn’t mean he would be perfect or that his tendencies would change. You’d always catch him in fights or in some kind of trouble. But he would be in his right mind, he’d stop before he went too far. And most importantly, he’d never hurt you like he did today. It wouldn’t be hard. When you changed his life so much, he wasn’t in that state of mind he was when he was so angry and violent before he met you. 

Michael started that new resolution to change by peppering you with kisses, grateful he still could, not stopping until you began giggling and pawing at him to stop. You were still kind of mad and hesitant after all, but it was hard to fight back against his sweeter side giving you more of an apology. He was careful to ghost his fingertips over your injuries so as not to hurt you as he took you in his arms like his life depended on you being with him. 

“I love you.” His gravelly voice murmured, “So much.” You were everything to him. What he cherished the most in his life, who he would always need at his side. The last person he wanted to hurt. He was so lucky you were such a good, forgiving person that believed in him. Trusted him. Loved him.

“I know. I love you too.”

You and your love were the what that brought his happiness and goodness into his life. Without you, he would be so much worse than he seemed to be right then. You were the reason he could imagine a normal future for himself, one with a family and a home. The reason he was so much happier recently, why he hadn’t been in a fight in months before this last one. 

He’d never hurt you again. You’d only ever feel good feelings arisen by him, like it always should have been.

Your voice was almost shy but your words were very much willing to take advantage of his guilty mind. “Can we have a spa night? I think it might help my wounds.”

Michael, your big, mature, manly, would-never-have-a-spa-night boyfriend looked at you, knowing very well the healing properties a spa routine could have on your injuries was bullshit. But still he nodded. He’d do anything for you. 

Anything to make it up to you. To take away that hesitancy and sadness in your eyes, to try as he might to erase his huge mistake and replace that scary image of him and know that he was nothing like that with you. Anything to have the rest of the day bring you nothing but peace and happy memories with him, what you had always felt in your life that changed when you met your explosive boyfriend. Having you in his arms for the rest of the night, forgetting the cuts on both of your persons for the night. 

“With face masks?”

“…Fine”

You smiled sheepishly, “….And can we watch Legally Blonde?”

“Whatever you want, baby.” 

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Thoughts on Deltarune Chapter 2

I wasn't even intending to write a Deltarune post, but here we are!

Have some extended ramblings/theorizing about Undertale, Deltarune, and the role of the "Player" vs character agency.

[Warning: full spoilers for ALL routes in both Undertale and Deltarune!]

.

Frisk’s Agency in Undertale

So I'm not sure how common this is nowadays (I haven't been following Undertale theories for a while), but I personally prefer the interpretation that there is no "Player" as an in-universe force in Undertale. I think it's a far more elegant story if the fourth wall isn't broken.

I'm also fond of the Narrator Chara and "Chara isn't pure evil until Murder Route teaches them to be" interpretations too.

And, of course, the third plank bridging those two is that I don't see Frisk as a just a pure, innocent cinnamon roll.

Because I like the story best when it's Frisk who chooses mercy or murder. It gives Frisk a much more complex character, if they are allowed to have the capacity for both immense kindness and immense cruelty. It even gives them an interesting implied character arc, if you take the natural progression path of True Pacifist > Murder Fun Times > Soulless Pacifist.

Just like Flowey, Frisk first tried to use their powers of Determination for good, but eventually they also grew curious and began to see the world as a game. And then they went too far and ultimately regretted it. Regretted it so much, in fact, that they were willing to sell their soul for just a chance to fix it.

After all, it's not you, the "Player," whose SOUL Chara wants. It's you, Frisk.

I also dislike the idea of an in-universe "Player" because that implies that "Frisk" is nothing but an empty shell - on ALL routes. All of those heartwarming moments in the True Pacifist route? All of the silly Flirt actions? Yeah, that's not Frisk, that's just as much the "Player" puppeting some poor kid's body as the events of the Bad Times.

Who knows what Frisk is truly like if their every action - good or ill - is controlled by some unseen, eldritch force? Now Frisk no longer has any characterization.

And given that said force overrides Frisk's agency, then isn't the "Player" evil no matter which route you take? It's become a story where they only "moral" choice is never to pick up the game at all. Hrm.

Anyway, but that's all Undertale. Which brings me to...

What the heck is going on in Deltarune?

Unlike Frisk=the Red SOUL in Undertale, we don't seem to control Kris=the Red SOUL in Deltarune. The game repeatedly underlines that the player only controls the Red SOUL, not Kris.

(Though, with stuff like the sound of the bathroom faucet only being audible when Kris's actual body is nearby - it seems like even when separated, the Red SOUL may still be perceiving through Kris's other senses besides sight...?)

With Spamton's dialogue and Kris's reaction after the non-Weird NEO fight, there's also a lot more emphasis in Deltarune of Kris (and the rest of the party!) being puppeted by some other force. And that's on top of all the stuff in the first chapter highlighting Kris/the Red SOUL's lack of agency.

Because of all those hints, Deltarune seems to be much more explicitly pointing toward that dark interpretation of Undertale - that the "Player"/Red SOUL is removing Kris's agency, regardless of route.

Indeed, I'm somewhat intrigued by the possibility that we/the Red SOUL might be forcing Kris to act nice just as much as we force them to act cruel. The way that Kris deliberately removes the Red SOUL in order to do some very suspicious actions might support that. As do some comments in Chapter 1, like characters in the post-Dark World walkaround noting how Kris is being less weird and more inquisitive than usual. Maybe Kris is the Knight and the Red SOUL is possessing them to undo their evil actions. Maybe the real Kris doesn't want to be friends with Susie and Ralsei at all!

But taking that interpretation to such an extreme also doesn't quite fit. Why does Kris slash the tires on Toriel's car? The only reason I can think of is that they want to keep Susie at their house. And why does Kris create the Dark World in their house? Is Kris creating the fountains because they want to have fun with friends? Especially right after the chapter emphasized how great the Dark World adventures were, that seems very likely.

There are also some smaller details too, of Kris interpreting the Red SOUL's input with their own spin (like saying things sarcastically), or of Kris chatting in a friendly way with Ralsei which the player/SOUL can't influence.

So, I'm pretty sure that even outside of the Red SOUL's control, Kris genuinely does like their friends.

Meanwhile, there were a lot of hints this chapter that Something Bad happened to Kris, Noelle, Dess, and Asriel when they went exploring in the forest by the graveyard. Most likely, they went into that ominous bunker south of the town. Is that incident related to Kris’s current strangeness?

And then, and THEN, there's the Snow Mercy route. That route seems to imply that the Red SOUL is both evil, and very much not Kris. Noelle says Kris isn't like themself, that their voice changes strangely, and she can still hear the creepy voice even when Kris is downed.

How to make sense of this all?

A Theory on Kris and the Red SOUL

One idea is that as scary and zombie-like as Kris looks without the SOUL, they're probably a nice, if lonely kid who desperately wants friends after their big brother went to college. (And possibly after something traumatic happened to them/their neighbor.) They're creating the Dark Worlds for the sake of fun and escapism.

But the Red SOUL puts an end to Kris's happy fantasies. Indeed, if the Red SOUL gives up, "the world is covered in darkness." So without the Red SOUL, would Kris simply keep creating fountains...? (What ARE the fountains, why can Kris and theoretically any Lightener create them?)

Maybe in the normal route, the Red SOUL is trying to gently help Kris move on and accept reality in some way. At the very least, I suspect Ralsei is working toward this goal.

But in that case... that's a pretty strange way for the Red SOUL to go about it, forcibly taking control of Kris to the point that the kid notices and seems to greatly resent it.

But what if the Red SOUL didn't have a choice about this arrangement either?

After all, the Red SOUL's customized vessel was discarded at the start of Chapter 1... and it was placed into Kris instead.

Here's a question: will Kris die if they're without a SOUL for too long?

Because there are an awful lot of moments in these games where characters break free of something they are bound to, but it doesn't end well: -Spamton collapses when his strings are cut. -The Darkeners can move freely outside their origin world for a while, but eventually turn to statues if they stay in another world. -Regardless of whether Berdly removes the Queen’s wires himself, he's exhausted and unable to fight any more after being under her control. -And when Kris takes the Red SOUL out of their body, their movements become slow and clumsy. Like it's a struggle for them to move at all.

Meanwhile in Undertale, post-Pacifist Asriel could maintain his form to say goodbye, but without SOUL(s), he inevitably returns to being Flowey.

So here's a theory: Kris died and/or lost their original soul. Perhaps due to some action/inaction on Noelle's part in the exploration incident. And as a last-ditch resort to keep them alive, the Red SOUL was somehow implanted in Kris.

(Also maybe Dess died/went missing at the same time...?)

And now, the Red SOUL the only thing keeping Kris around. 

But just like in Undertale, it seems like Deltarune SOULs have wills of their own.

Which means Kris's current state is similar to the Chara-Asriel fusion, or Omega Flowey, or even Frisk-Chara. Control of the body is shared. The difference is that instead of the SOUL we play representing the original owner/will of the body, this time the SOUL we're playing as is the intruder.

Essentially, this time around we are playing the role of the Chara-equivalent instead of the Frisk-equivalent!

(Though whether Kris themself is more of Chara or Frisk I’ll leave to other theorists...)

Anyway, while Kris likely wishes to be rid of the SOUL and dislikes this whole body sharing arrangement, they know they can't survive without it. And perhaps Kris being in a partially soulless state might explain why they do questionable stuff like creating Dark Worlds and slashing their mom's car tires in order to play with their friends. (Again, see also: Asriel/Flowey.)

But when the Red SOUL and Kris are in alignment, things go okay. The Red SOUL suggests commands, but Kris is willing to follow and seems to enjoy being with Susie and Ralsei.  

Let’s Talk About Snow Mercy

It's when the Red SOUL and Kris aren't in alignment... well. That seems to be what's happening in the Snow Mercy route. That kind of situation sure didn't go so hot with Frisk and Chara in Undertale, so I doubt this will end nicely for Kris and the Red SOUL either. At the very least, Kris seems to have been visibly upset after what happened with Noelle in this route.

(By the way, there are two other moments in Chapter 2 when Susie asks if Kris is okay - first after the normal Spamton NEO fight and subsequent discussion of what it meant and second after she and Kris approach the bunker.

Three different moments, but Kris appears to react similarly. Are all of these things related? The bunker, Kris being puppeted, and the events of the Snow Mercy route?)

Meanwhile, here’s a contrast. Undertale's Murder Route seemed to exist for the sake of curiosity and power - either the "Player" or Frisk's desires, whichever interpretation you subscribe to. And the changes to the world were all logical consequences of that - because of the Fallen Child's rampage, friendly NPCs disappear, major characters fight you more seriously, etc.

But the actions in Snow Mercy are... weirdly specific, weirdly unpredictable. It doesn't come across as a simple power trip. Instead, Snow Mercy is a bunch of really bizarre actions that feel even more mysterious to the player as they are to Noelle and Kris. I sure wouldn't have guessed that backtracking to the trash heap and freezing a bunch of enemies would lead to new items spontaneously appearing and then giving Noelle access to a scary new spell. It's like something straight out of a creepypasta!

The overall tone that comes across to me is that the Red SOUL seems to know what it's doing, even while the player is kept in the dark. And given Noelle's responses, it almost seems like the SOUL is trying to remind her of events/actions from her past, events which are obviously unknown to the player. All of which leads me to think that the Red SOUL has motives and goals of its own... so just like Undertale, this probably isn't a situation of the "Player" being a fourth wall-breaking force either.

The Red SOUL is its own character.

And I'm certainly curious to find out more about them!

[unhingedmarvelandclassicwhobuff]

OK, deleting my previous reblog because I have one or two thoughts:

I get what you’re saying but the main problem I see here is that we don’t know what Bruce saw when Wanda used her magic on him.

Um, all due respect, but what does that have to do with anything? I actually have a few theories on what she may have shown him: if we go by Bruce’s comic backstory she might’ve shown him the memory of his father murdering his mother, or if we go by the MCU alone she might’ve shown him a vision of himself being experimented on by Ross’s scientists. I think either one of those would have triggered the Hulk. 

It’s also worth noting that later on Bruce says that Johannesburg was the first time the world saw the “real” Hulk, whatever that means, so even if Wanda was in fact trying to wake him up (which I don’t believe for a second), how would she know what he was going to do if that’s the case?

And Wanda was the catalyst but… just how much control did she truly have?

I feel like in a trial, the fact that she caused it at all is enough to condemn her. I’ve seen a lot of the posts you’ve shared about redemption and punishment and why they are not necessarily intertwined, but regardless of intent, she did indirectly cause the disaster. It’s the same problem as Westview; how much does intent truly matter when the consequences were so catastrophic?

With the others all she did was show them their fears, that’s all. She wasn’t controlling them, she wasn’t managing their actions, she didn’t point them in the direction of anybody in order to hurt them – and let’s not forget she managed to use her magic on Thor. If she wanted to cause damage and kill people, she would have controlled him, not Bruce.

This I very much agree with. It’s worth noting that the Hulk’s eyes aren’t even red during the battle, so whatever Wanda showed him had faded away by the time he had run 300 miles to reach Johannesburg. It’s also worth noting that per what we see later in the film, she has to be concentrating directly on a person to be controlling their actions (which also serves as a defense for her in Westview as she was clearly not focusing on the townsfolk, but I digress), and even though we don’t see her during the battle, I find it extremely hard to believe she was puppeting the Hulk the whole time, as that would not make any sense.

Then there’s the fact that at no point in previous actions during AoU did neither Wanda nor Pietro hurt innocents. So, Johannesburg kind of exists in a vacuum here.

Doylist reasoning aside, this is true; as we’ve discussed before, it makes zero sense that Wanda would want to cause such mass destruction, so even though the circumstances (what “the plan” was, what Wanda meant to do, and how much control she may or may not have had) are very vague, from a character standpoint it is reasonable to infer that she didn’t mean for the Hulk to even be woken up, as everyone else, including Thor, was rendered inactive by her illusions.

don’t know if I would call that narrative protection though because I don’t see the intent in protecting her, if you know what I mean. I just think they left it vague for no reason

Actually, I don’t know what you mean. Was the complete disregarding of Johannesburg beyond Bruce’s hatred of Wanda later on not done to handwave the fact that she had a hand in the carnage? Maybe it was done with less intent than that, but it is the vibe I get. 

Perhaps there is one scene where she does get some form of protection and that’s her moment with Clint in Sokovia where he literally tells her that it doesn’t matter what happened in the past, if she helps them she’s a hero.

Despite the fact that it led to Clint and Wanda’s beautiful friendship, that scene is one of the worst-written bits of AoU imo. If you ask me, Clint should’ve said something like “OK, so maybe this is your fault, but you can make it right by fighting alongside us.” As is we more or less have to infer that that was Wanda’s mindset when she stepped out and joined the battle (which I absolutely believe it was).

However, just for the record, I would argue that it isn't her fault. When she let Tony take the scepter, she was hoping that the vision she showed him would make him feel inadequate and lead to him trying to recreate Strucker's experiments on himself, since as far as she knows, that's the only thing the scepter can do. She didn't even give him the idea for Ultron; he got it by looking at his own suits in Strucker's lab before she even touched him. He says as much to Bruce, and never cites the illusion as a reason to anyone (even when he does to Fury it feels more like an excuse than anything else).

All the victims in Johannesburg are completely disregarded and if anything that is used to make the heroes sympathetic, so yeah…. that wasn’t exactly a good call and they could have handled it a bit better, maybe with Wanda reaching out and helping in some way. But again, she should have been joined by both Bruce and Stark in that.

I would argue that Bruce is blameless, but Tony should definitely have reached out, as his recklessness with the Hulkbuster armor definitely caused more damage than it would have if he had just lured Hulk out of the city. 

Really, all of this is an entirely moot point, because Wanda was narratively redeemed for her actions in AoU long ago, and I doubt they will ever be brought up in-universe again (not that fanfic writers won’t keep dredging it up to demonize her, but whatever).

OK, so Breckstonevalskier has spoken many times about how Wanda is never given anywhere near the same level of narrative protection for Westview that most other MCU characters are for the sketchy things they do.

While this is exceedingly true, we just recently had this exchange:

You can see what I'm saying, right? Was the only reason we the audience allowed Wanda to have a second chance because she was given narrative protection for Johannesburg, even if it wasn't 100% her fault? This is troubling me, probably more than it should since it's a moot point anyway, but I don't want to feel like a hypocrite for complaining that other characters get narrative protection but not caring when my girl got it.

I get what you're saying but the main problem I see here is that we don't know what Bruce saw when Wanda used her magic on him. All the others had their worst fears shown to them (going back to the Red Room, PTSD, another invasion and the demise of Asgard), so... what was Bruce's worst fear? We don't really know much about his life pre-Hulk so it's anybody's guess.

With that in mind... it's tough to apply responsibility here. We know Bruce had no control over what Hulk did or didn't do so I really don't want to blame him. Hulk's agency is a little tougher to discuss. And Wanda was the catalyst but... just how much control did she truly have?

With the others all she did was show them their fears, that's all. She wasn't controlling them, she wasn't managing their actions, she didn't point them in the direction of anybody in order to hurt them -- and let's not forget she managed to use her magic on Thor. If she wanted to cause damage and kill people, she would have controlled him, not Bruce.

Then there's the fact that at no point in previous actions during AoU did neither Wanda nor Pietro hurt innocents. So, Johannesburg kind of exists in a vacuum here.

I'd say this is mostly AoU's fault for not addressing this properly. I don't know if I would call that narrative protection though because I don't see the intent in protecting her, if you know what I mean. I just think they left it vague for no reason, and she does get confronted by Bruce later on. Is that enough? Dunno. Since it's a difficult situation to judge I'm not sure.

Perhaps there is one scene where she does get some form of protection and that's her moment with Clint in Sokovia where he literally tells her that it doesn't matter what happened in the past, if she helps them she's a hero. All the victims in Johannesburg are completely disregarded and if anything that is used to make the heroes sympathetic, so yeah.... that wasn't exactly a good call and they could have handled it a bit better, maybe with Wanda reaching out and helping in some way. But again, she should have been joined by both Bruce and Stark in that.