#odd guy is intrigued by human emotions - hell yeah

[ej-artyarts]

Icon Comm for a friend’s biblically accurate Aasimar

[tooruluv]

Tooru Oikawa x F!Reader ( part 5 )

❝ my love for him is much like winter, a skeleton for the world to see. too bad he never liked the cold. ❞

description: being the neighbor and lifelong best friend of tooru oikawa definitely had it’s perks. you were never an outcast, always had a seat at lunch, got into volleyball games for free. the problem was, however, that being in love with him outweighed those perks. you would never tell him that, though, even if it hurt like hell.

genre: best friends to lovers, angst, unrequited love, fluff if you squint hard enough

word count: 1,916

warnings/notes: what if i just said “fuck the schedule”? anyway this one is a bit shorter so i’ve decided to post it early! some warnings: underage drinking (per usual), angst (per usual), and strong language (are we surprised?). enjoy, my loves.

tag list: @afuckingunicornn​ @maii-flowers​ @clandestinerays​ @brownandchill​ @readeretal​ @wedojustbevibin​ @shigarakiskitten​ @shittykawaa​

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For the first time ever, you didn’t meet the boys in the back after the game. For the first time ever, you just gave them a wave from the bleachers and left. For the first time ever, you didn’t congratulate them on a win.

It felt off. Oikawa never sent you a look, either; never stole a glance.

Sana met you outside (she was one of the girls who crowded the boys on the court after). She was smiling and cheerful and bright, as usual.

“That game was amazing!” She exclaimed as you began walking. “You wore the jersey! I didn’t find you in the crowd, I really tried! I only found you after the game ended.” She paused, but didn’t stop walking beside you. “Where are we going? Don’t you live next to Tooru..?”

“We’re getting alcohol.” You told her. “I’m not feeling myself tonight and would love to get a drink.”

“Oh, even better.”

The Sakanoshita Store was still open, neon lights still burning in the setting sun. It wasn’t too far, just a little out of the way, and Sana never complained once.

“Hello, my darling Keishin!” You greeted the man behind the counter.

“You brought a friend this time.” He stated simply. His paper was still high in front of his face, the smoke of his cigarette hovering above it.

“I did. She’s cool, don’t worry.” You placed a pack of wine coolers, hard lemonade, and a bottle of vodka on the counter. “We’re having girls’ night.”

“Looks like it.”

He set the paper down as he placed your drinks in a black bag and took your money. Always with the fast exchanges. You grabbed the bag.

“Now get out.”

“Adore you too!”

It was you who linked your arm through Sana’s, this time, as you left.

You had Tetsurou Kuroo’s number.

He offered it to you, along with his friendship, at the game as he scratched the back of his neck and did his best to pretend he flirted with girls all the time. You thought it was cute.

“Here’s my number. Text or call it sometime.” He had told you confidently, but then let the façade fall. “Or not. That’s fine too. Also, please don’t call me. I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t know.”

You chuckled, and finally sat up from your slouched position on the bleacher. “Are you sure you want to give your number to a girl from a school you’re up against?”

“Yes, I’m sure. She happens to be cool.”

You raised a brow. “You don’t know her that well.”

“I know that she’s still talking to me while she’s pissed as fuck. And that she’s funny, and that she didn’t care that I was scouting from another school.” He told you. “I say that’s pretty cool.”

“She might have to text you, then.”

But as you walked with Sana to your house, you didn’t know if you were going to. You didn’t want him to expect a relationship, not when your heart clearly belonged to someone else. But if he was only looking for a friend.. maybe. You didn’t know. You were confused.

It scrambled your mind as you just focused on getting home and hanging out with the girl who was dating the man you love.

Iwaizumi hadn’t expected you to be waiting in your normal spot after the game. He knew that you mainly did that to walk home with Oikawa. Still, it was odd to come out to emptiness.

He was adjusting his bag on his shoulder when Oikawa came out of the door. Iwaizumi noticed that he looked disappointed for a moment, just a flash of emotion across his best friend’s face that he wouldn’t have caught if he didn’t know him as well as he did.

They started walking in silence.

Until, “Hey, Iwa.”

“Hi.”

“Is she mad at me?”

A pause. They didn’t need to define who “she” was.

“I’m not the one who needs to answer that.” Iwaizumi didn’t look at him, frustration heavy on his shoulders. “You almost kissed her and then told her that there was nothing to talk about.”

“She told you about that?”

“She tells me everything.”

“Oh.”

Oikawa sounded sad. Or defeated, to use a better term. Iwaizumi almost felt bad for him. He had no idea. Oikawa had no idea how hurt you had been, how much love you held for that man. He had no idea how much the little things he did affected you.

“She isn’t mad at you.” Iwaizumi finally told him, catching Oikawa’s attention. “She just… she just doesn’t understand. Why you’re not talking to her, keeping secrets. It never used to be like that between you two before.”

Another pause. “I couldn’t tell her.”

“Hm?” He didn’t hear Oikawa, his response nearly a mumble.

“I couldn’t tell her. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t tell her. About me and Sana.” Oikawa was staring at the stars, like they would give him some answer that he was searching for. “I only got together with Sana at the party, made it official or whatever. I was going to tell her that morning, but then I almost fucking kissed her. And now whenever I see her I think of the fact that I was so close to kissing her, and I can’t bring it up to Sana because what asshole makes it official with his girlfriend and then almost kisses another girl the next morning?” He took a breath.

“You’re not an asshole.” Iwaizumi looked at the boy beside him. “But ignoring your best friend because of something that didn’t even happen is a dick move. She misses you.”

A sarcastic laugh.

“I’m being serious.” He stopped in front of Oikawa’s house. “You’re confused, and that’s fine, but she’s even more confused. She’s not mad at you.”

“Are you dating?”

The question was so out of nowhere, Iwaizumi had to look around to figure out where it came from.

“Oh, you brilliant asshole.”

“You guys have been spending so much time together, and I always feel like I’m interrupting something whenever you two are talking, and…”

“I’m going to stop you there.” He placed a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. “Me and her? Never dated, not dating, and never going to date. She’s not my type.”

God, he wanted to just scream from the rooftops at the two of them. Wanted to just tell him that you were in love with him, wanted him to know why you were as broken by this as you were. Hajime Iwaizumi was a lot of things, but being a dick was not one of them. He would never.

“Not your type..?”

He took his hand off of his shoulder, patting it twice before turning to walk towards his house. “She’s not my type. Besides, I’ve been dating Matsukawa for months.”

Six shots in and three wine coolers, and you were laying upside down on your desk chair. Sana sat on your bed, back against the wall and a giggling mess. The entire night had consisted of telling stories, asking each other questions, and getting to know each other. It was extremely fun.

“I met a boy tonight.” You spilled to her, giggling a little.

“A boy?” Sana leaned forward, cup still in hand and intrigue in her eyes. “You met a boy? Did you get his number?”

“Yeah, but..”

“You have to go for it!”

“I don’t know, it’s weird.”

“Oh no, was he weird?”

“No, he was super cool.” You smiled at the thought. “And super smart too. Came scouting from another school. The thing is, I’ve kind of had a thing for another guy for a while, and it’s weird to think of someone else in that way.”

 Subtle. You didn’t care.

 “The guy you’ve had a thing for, does he have a thing for you?” Sana didn’t ask you who, or pressure it. You liked her.

“No.”

“Then go for the boy you met today! You deserve a boy who likes you like you like him. Besides,” she motions to you. “You’re sexy as fuck. Any man who doesn’t have a thing for you is crazy.”

“I know you’re not the one telling me that.”

“Hand me your phone.”

You spun in the chair to sit upright, giving her your phone. She sat her cup on the floor as her glossy eyes scanned the device.

“The boy in question’s name?”

“Kuroo.”

“Mm, spell it.” Sana started typing as you told her the characters. A final tap. “There you go. The start of something new.”

She handed your phone back to you, and you looked at what she did. A simple text to Kuroo, a simple “hey! it’s the cute girl from the game ;D”.

Sana chugged the rest of her drink. “Oh! Oh my god, if you guys end up becoming a couple you can go on double dates with me and Tooru!! Oh, please let that happen I’ve been dying…”

You didn’t really pay attention as you watched the three little dots pop up. Kuroo was typing.

You never got hangovers. It was something you pride yourself in. Turns out, neither did Sana. Which is how you ended up where you were: fully dressed, hair and a little bit of makeup on (curtesy of Sana), and two bags in your arms at the mall before noon.

“Did he text? Did he?” Sana begged, head over your shoulder.

Kuroo and you had texted the majority of the night. Some of which were blurry, as you were pretty drunk for most of it (and he knew that, and reminded you to drink water but only if that doesn’t consist of walking down stairs).

And, this morning, decided to accept your invitation to join you and your friend (yes, you and Sana were considered friends now) at the mall.

You spotted him, sending him a wave to know where you were. He caught your eye and waved back as he navigated through the human traffic. Kuroo was wearing just black jeans and a random red shirt, and you’ve decided that red looks good on him.

“That’s him, the one in the red and the dark hair.” You told Sana.

“Mhm, that’s a man for sure.” She joked, bumping you with her hip when he finally was close enough to talk to.

“Hello, Tetsurou Kuroo.”

“Helllo, cool girl.” He greeted.

“Hope you don’t mind my friend came with me. This is Sana.”

You could’ve sworn that his eyes never left yours until that moment, like you were the only person he could see, and he hadn’t noticed the tall and pretty girl next to you until you brought her up. It made your insides swirl.

He shook his head before greeting her as well. “Hi, Sana. Nice to meet you.”

“Actually, I think I’m going to go shopping at Victoria’s Secret for a minute. I’ll leave you two to it.” She turned to you, sending you a small wink. “Meet me in the food court later?”

“I.. You’re sure?”

She pulled you closer by your arm, whispering into your ear just loud enough for you to hear. “I’m telling you right now that I would rather stare at a brick wall than third wheel for the rest of the day; I can feel his attraction towards you burning in the air. We can hang out tomorrow at school and you can tell me all about it.”

She pulled back, smiling as though she just told you something completely normal. “Nice to meet you, Kuroo. Take care of my girly, okay?”

Kuroo held up his right hand. “I solemnly swear.”

[writingawaymylife]

Dance Around - Jump Forward Part II

So… you know that video with the chick awkwardly going "hey… how y'all doing…?" Yeah… that's absolutely me. I honestly feel terrible for leaving you all with the hook in your mouths, I know how irritating it can be when a fic you’re interested in isn’t updated, or when the writer said there would be more and there NEVER was. But I’ve got it written down! 

I hope you guys enjoy this! I know it might have a big of an odd pace to it, but I tried my hardest to make it intriguing and well written. I was going to do the Stephen King thing, where I put the fic away for a week or so, that way I could catch anything with fresh eyes, but I really just wanted to get this thing posted for you guys! Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Part 1

Warnings - Swearing, Higgs

Words - 1831 or 5 1/2 pages

~

Life was full of twists and turns, (Y/N) had found. It would throw you a curveball whenever it got the chance - it always kept you on your feet. For (Y/N), the most memorable examples of this they ha was either been when they found out about their DOOMs, when they had found and lost their best friend, or when Higgs had literally blipped into their life and proceeded to stay there permanently, no matter how many times they had tried to push him away. Soon after, once they had gotten accepting, and further comfortable, with Higgs’ presence - life had yet again thrown them yet another sudden turn of events and they lost him. 

So, if they had been asked, prior to this moment, if they thought life would proceed to flip their life upside down again - they probably should have answered with a logical “yes”, when they would have likely had said; “most definitely the fuck not”.

“You’re Amelie.”

The woman nodded, head bowing just slightly as her hands clasped in front of her. She looked far more normal than (Y/N) had expected. They always assumed that she would look ethereal - like some floating, nearly see-through form. But, the longer they stared at her, the longer they realized how human she looked. Natural and comfortable in her skin, living, and breathing. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, (Y/N).” She sounded so pleasant, voice light and easy - calm. She didn’t look scared or concerned like (Y/N) was at being here, though (Y/N) guessed she wouldn’t. It was well known that Amelie was tied to the Beach. 

“Uh… It’s nice to meet you too.” They cleared their throat, looking around at the Beach before giving a soft nod in Amelie’s direction. “Um, quick question, nothing too big. Am I dead?” They finally looked at Amelie, gauging for any reaction that would support the question, as their heart started slowly increasing in tempo.

Were they going to necrotize? Cause a Void Out? Was their home going to be destroyed? Were they going to become a BT?

“No. No, you’re alive. We are on your Beach, but you’re very much alive.” Amelie went to continue to speak but seemed to hesitate. Mouth closing with a soft ‘hm’ as she looked down for a moment. “You’re still in your bed, it’s just your mind that’s here.”

(Y/N) nodded as if they understood.

“Okay. That’s good.” They looked around at the Beach again. Arms crossed over their chest and shoulders slightly hunched up. The question hadn’t calmed them down nearly as much as they had hoped. If anything, it only brought up more questions. Why were they here? Why was Amelie of all people wanting to talk to them? How the fuck did she know their name?

Amelie seemed to understand what was going through (Y/N)’s mind before (Y/N) could even begin to voice their thoughts. “I know this must be a lot to process right now, but I didn’t have any other way of talking to you privately.”

“I-” They blinked, hand threading through their hair and scratching the base of their skull as they shook their head. Their heart was still thumping rapidly in their chest, emotions frazzled as they didn’t know whether to focus on the confusion, fear, or the array of other emotions that seemed to be flooding their system in quick succession. After everything they had been through in the past month, the added turn of events left their brain void of anything other than abstract thoughts and a wordless “??”. 

Gods how they needed just one break for one fucking day. “Why-uh…” They huffed out a breath of frustration, lips pursing as they tried to find the ability to talk normally. “Why would you need to talk to me?” They stopped, thinking for a split second before shaking their head. “Scratch that, how the hell do you know my name?” 

“Higgs.” Her voice was soft, though it didn’t lessen the power that the word held. It stopped them dead in their blurred and chaotic thoughts. Slowed their brain down as they tried to process why Amelie brought him up. Nothing was coming up when they tried to think about what to say. How to react. Their hand fell from the back of their hand and wrapped itself around the wrist of their other arm. 

There was a lot that kept (Y/N) up at night when they thought about Higgs. One of the most prominent was the idea that, even after Higgs’ had ended their… thing, someone could still find out about them and Higgs, and subsequently that they actively befriended him  - to some degree, at least. Everything they had would have been gone in a moments notice. Lost in the blink of an eye - life gone forever whether in death or imprisonment.

Fear was trickling in. Potent and aggressive. 

“What about him?” Their voice was far more neutral than they thought it would be when compared to their racing mind and heart, and they tried to fight any outward expression of fear at the doubtful and considerate look that Amelie pointed at them. 

They shivered, arms crossing tightening around their stomach as the cold sea air slowly got to them. Seeping into their arms and parts of their legs that their pyjamas didn’t cover. They couldn’t stand still, weight moving from on leg to the other in an attempt to calm the increasing energy in their body. Feet digging into the cold and damp sand.

Amelie sighed, a look of understanding washing over her features as she gave a soft nod and a comforting smile. 

“I know you were close to him. That you two share a... special bond. I’m not here to punish you, or to get information from you, I just-” She stopped, a look of guilt and disappointment, which (Y/N) could only assume was for herself, washed over her features. “I have to rewrite some of my wrongs, but I can’t without your help. Higgs… He’s in trouble.”

And there, yet again, was another flip on everything that (Y/N) had ever thought or assumed. Their body froze, shoulders stiffening and arms slacking as they tried to grapple at the last bit of logic and understanding they had. Amelie knew that they were once close with him, but rather than punish them, or use them against him, she wanted their help in saving him? Why would she want to save him of all people?

When forced to describe what they assumed Amelie and Higgs were when compared to each other, (Y/N) would say that they were the Yin and the Yang of the growing tensions of the world. Higgs didn’t believe in redemption, in saving what he deemed a doomed world and its doomed people. To him, the world was falling apart already, and sticking around for another few thousand years was futile if the end result was the same. He fought against Amelie, had caused so much destruction and pain to try and stop Amelie’s attempts to rebuilding the country. Amelie should have been relieved that he was in danger and the prospect of him being taken out of the picture. She should been relieved at the thought that he wouldn’t be able hurt anyone else, and that she could continue rebuilding America. She shouldn’t have wanted to save a man who had taken so much away from her.

Their eyes narrowed and scanned her face, trying to find the slightest tell of manipulation and lying, or the slightest indication as to why Amelie was saying this or felt compelled to do such a thing. This must be a setup of some kind. There was no possible reason they could find that would explain why she would want to save him.

“Why do you care?” 

The question hung in the air for a moment as Amelie seemed to think it over.

She had begun to pace. Hands moving along with what she said as she looked anywhere but (Y/N). She looked… scared. Her resolve seemed to be slipping away, shoulders tight and jaw grinding just slightly. The calmness and poise was fading away to show something far more raw and real.

“I’m not proud of what I have done in my past. I have hurt and killed out of selfish ambition, I have abused my power… I used a broken man in a miscalculated assumption that I would be able to avoid my part in everything” Her eyes were distant and clouded, a concoction of emotions that blended together into an undefinable mass. She stopped pacing. Head bowing before she turned her back to them and faced the ocean. 

“I’ve lied to the person I love the most, and hurt him in far more ways than I want to admit.” She stayed silent for a moment, hands coming together in front of her as the inhaled a shaky breath. Eventually, she turned around, her face back to some form of neutrality. “If I’m to try and save everyone, I want to save everyone. Higgs has done so much damage and I had only encouraged it, given him the ability to believe it was right. He… deserves redemption.

“I saw how he changed as he got to know you. How he became hesitant and unsure in his actions. I assumed it was for the best if you weren’t tied to him.”

(Y/N) searched Amelie’s eyes, trying to find an answer that wasn’t veiled or worded to hide a fact that they were just beginning to see. Amelie had been tied to Higgs, but how? Why? “Why are you telling me all this? Why-” (Y/N)’s voice rose, anger and confusion reaching their peak as (Y/N) tried to get more information out of her. 

“I’m sorry.” Amelie stopped them before they could continue, a hand rising up to prevent them from speaking as she shook her head. Her voice had gone up in pitch, veiled panic hidden in her voice as she continued to speak before (Y/N) could get a word in. “We don’t have the time- I don’t have the time, to explain everything. I wish I did. But everything is slowly coming to the end.”

She walked towards them, ambition in each step as she quickly took one (Y/N)’s hand before they could move away. “You must find Higgs. Before it’s too late.”

“How?” (Y/N) felt so lost, adrift in the ocean rather than stuck on the Beach, as they tried to get something - anything more out of Amelie. 

Amelie’s smile was watery this time, genuine and sad. It was such a mixture of emotions that left (Y/N) void of words. (Y/N) didn’t know which one to focus on, but they could tell that this meeting was coming to a close, and through the rush of questions and panic they felt, Amelie spoke again. 

“Jump.”

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Back and to the Future

I get why, thematically, they chose that song for the previouslies that kick off the final season. However, from my perspective I just do not think it actually works at all.  It is far too sedate for the action it’s recapping and the scene it cuts into.  The juxtaposition of such different paces is just ... odd.

I guess I'm supposed to feel all sad and shit from the lingering shots of dead!Jack's burned out eye holes?  Maybe if he'd had a personality other than being an amorphous shifting blob of unbelievable power and permanent intellectual infancy I was supposed to care about because of the number of times they had the other characters say he was their son/family/awesome.  As is?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I wish I could say I was surprised that the veritable army of animate corpses making a beeline for the Winchesters and Cas just … somehow … let them escape and run away.  I'd have been a lot more surprised if the writers had actually bothered to do the work to get the characters out of the corner the last finale put them into, at this point.  Then there's the bit where the writers shove some nonsense into Dean's mouth to try and make it seem like this whole thing with Chuck isn't a sudden random asspull to go for the most absurdly overpowered villain they could think of for the last season.  Totally believable, oh yeah.

Although the idea of a sewer running through a graveyard including right to the wall of a crypt does not exactly seem likely to me, I do actually give the writers points for having that not actually work as an escape route.  Also awarding some points for them remembering that as an angel, Castiel should be able to see demons.

As other people have already pointed out, considering what he did to the Novak family and how haphazardly he handled Claire, especially?  Him bitching about any other creature defiling somebody's corpse is pretty fucking hilarious.  Though I'd possibly be more sympathetic if demon!Jack didn't already show a 500% more interesting personality in thirty seconds than actual!Jack did in two seasons.  So far as I’ve been concerned, the only think Jack has really had going for him is Alex, so Alex as a different character, even a demon, I’m calling a win.

I honestly do not get the decision of trying garner fan nostalgia by bringing back ghosts from previous seasons if they're just going to arbitrarily make them kill anyone at random for kicks.  Would it have been that hard to have shown “Bloody Mary” killing one person who might have had a secret where someone died?  Because I could buy it for one of those teen girls, but not both.  Or limiting the “Woman in White” to attacking men along highways who might possibly be unfaithful?  Maybe we're supposed to believe that they're all just so pissed off at having spent all that time in hell that they have completely lost touch with what originally tied them to earth and drove them to kill in the first place?  I don't mind them no longer being tied to a physical location since they were banished and unnaturally returned, but to be so disconnected to what drove them to become angry spirits seems much more intrinsic to who and what they were.  I guess even the ghosts lose their personalities to become cardboard in the hands of Dabbernatural.  

Oh, look, mysteriously, big G God's tantrum opening up hell is not actually big enough to impact the whole planet – or even, you know, more than the literal next town over.  This is my surprised face.

Then we get to the bit where the Winchesters find an abandoned car with a bloody mess inside and are all, “Look at this Woman in White kill!  Obviously it was a Woman in White!  Totally the specific one we sent to hell!  Because … car!  And, uh, blood!  And, oh, because the fucking script says so.” REASONS, YO.

Aren't all garage doors required to have an emergency pull for if the power goes out?  Obviously the script required the pair of VotW end up stuck hiding in the garage, which, uh, a ghost can't find people hiding now?  Did I miss something in there that explained that silly convenience that makes the ghost even less spooky in an episode that really really fails on that count even more later on?

I guess maybe I should be happy that it's Castiel that gets hit with the dumb characterization stick to necessitate Sam & Dean not work together to clear out the town? Look, at this point, considering the way the writers have had him act as a constant disaster zone of idiotic choices and betrayals for several seasons now, my ability to sympathize with Cas is a wee bit limited.  To have him now sulk like a toddler and refuse to work with the demon to help the Winchesters save an entire town full of people and prevent the spread of angry hell ghosts to the world beyond that? Because oh noes it's wearing Jack's face and he was just sooooo attached?  Even though all of them supposedly thought of Jack as their kid?  He doesn't even try to offer up alternatives to working with the demon with the very convenient solution, just whines about it? 

So basically this billions of years old angel somehow has less fucking practicality than the Winchesters (despite how easily he killed the shit out of his fellow angels when it suited his plans).  Not to mention that by refusing, he's saddling Dean with having to work with demon!Jack. The human guy who was just recently convinced he had to kill Jack for the good of the world after Jack killed his mother, only to have a change of heart when he saw Jack’s understanding, only for Jack to end up killed anyway – you know, emotions a hell of a lot more conflicted about their supposed kid's than Castiel's?  Castiel is just fine with that!  What a self-centered dick.

I liked Dean's conversation with Rowena on the phone and his response to her presumable demand to ask more nicely.  I laughed at Sam accidentally shooting Cas and Cas' resultant reaction.  I thought it was curious that they had the demon bring up Dean's time as a torturer in hell, though I'd be pleasantly surprised if it was anything but a way to segue into the Cage getting opened.  One utterly wasted Michael storyline is apparently not enough for Dabb!  Maybe it's just supposed to be some kind of weird demon idea of flattery, but I did find their interactions interesting.  I would be intrigued by the weird flashes when Cas was trying to heal Sam (Another angel power that actually works for once?  Wow!) … if Dabb hadn't already yammered on about what it means in an interview.  That dude is absolutely allergic to leaving any kind of major storyline an open mystery or letting it retain any intrigue for fans to speculate about.  I was not impressed with Sam getting damsel-ed to be saved by Castiel at least twice.  Come on, show.

As I speculated before and said above, I’m fine with the Chuckified nature of their release meaning some rules don’t apply.  I could maybe even understand the thought process that them being out in the daytime, without being limited to darkness, was scarier? I just wish anyone behind the camera was awake enough to actually look at the aesthetics of what they did here and realize that no, it's really really not.  The whole thing just looked so embarrassingly mediocre - pantomime actors in bad bargain basement costumes silly.  I think it was @hippychick006 that suggested gifs of the whole end portion looked like they should be set to Yackety Sax?  The context of the episode does not in any way negate that. Just … wow.  Like with the wire fight, I am flabbergasted that this made it to air without somebody finding the brakes.

I'm not sure if the writers actually made a failed reference by having the Woman in White say Dean was the one who took her home when it was Sam, or if they meant to imply he and Sam together had been there/responsible and Dean was the one she was addressing.  Regardless, I'm not impressed with how all the ghosts Sam & Cas were being confronted by just … stood there to be shot one by one for a while.  And then … ran … literally ran … chasing them down the street instead of doing the whole ghost teleport thing.  There are way, way too many times in this episode where the guys get away or win a fight because reasons and there is absolutely no tension in that.  Even if it didn't also look ridiculous.  Dean’s part of the confrontation was a little less absurd in that respect, at least.  And the spell effects actually looked reasonably cool.

I'm a little annoyed at myself that the obligatory brother scene at the end of the episode kind of works on me.  Though I’m not particularly impressed with Sam's conclusion that God is totally going to leave them alone now.  Sure, Chuck has a long habit of leaving when he's bored, but he isn't leaving this world because he's bored.  You guys actively pissed him off!  Yet Sam treats it like a foregone conclusion Chuck will have buggered off instead of sticking around to watch his previously favorite but now uncooperative toys suffer and die first. Though I'm not sure if that's a writer issue, actually, or just a legit choice I don’t care for.  I could see Sam insisting on trying to sell a potential positive side with no room for doubt with as fatalistic as Dean is being.  I could also see it just being one of those things Sam convinces himself must be true because he's reasoned it out in his head and refuses to consider alternatives may exist.  Like how he was so convinced it could only be God planting visions in his head back in season 11.  Still, I like the callback and I can even see why Dean is the most immediately cynical and pissed off, so hey!  There was actually one whole entire scene I enjoyed in there!

[crystalninjaphoenix]

No Hallows’ Eve

Septics Inverted

A JSE Fanfic

How did the infamous “Say Goodbye” go down in this universe? Well, this story has an answer for you. It ended up shorter than most of my stories, for once. On a side note, today I learned the word “Hallow” means “holy” or “saint.” Well, we can’t have that here :D Hope you guys like it!

Read the intro story: Part One | Part Two

Various other AU-related stuff found here

Taglist: @evyptids @awkward-bullshit @watermelonsinmyattic @asunachinadoll @a-humble-narcissus @metautske @odysseus-is-best-boi  @acuriousquail

It was a normal apartment in the city. A nice one, but normal. The furniture was taken care of, but the room was still fairly messy, like someone had tried to clean but got tired halfway through. The setting sun shone through the open windows. The lights were off. Someone had knocked a figurine off a shelf, but otherwise nothing was touched.

Then something happened in the middle of the room. The air itself seemed to warp and bend. The world strained like somebody was trying to push through. And with a single crack, it gave. Shards of purple appeared out of nowhere only to go flying in all directions, embedding in the walls before fading away. Now, a man stood in the center of the room. He wore a black t shirt, blue jeans, and an eye patch. He didn’t move, but he wasn’t still, as his body kept glitching and distorting.

Anti shook his head to clear it of any leftover magic. “Fuc͝kín̕g̕ magi— when did he ev̛e̢n l͡e̷a̕rn̶ to͡ ̛dó t̛ha̴t?” he muttered. He thought he’d kept a close eye on him, but apparently he was wrong. Maybe he hadn’t learned too much. Enkávma a’Ousiika—the burning of something’s essence—was one of the simplest black magic spells to learn. It was a trick in the beginner’s arsenal. Maybe the magician hadn’t progressed further than that. But it was also a possibility that he didn’t want to waste his energy on a stronger spell because he didn’t think it would be needed. And he set up those wards, too. Rudimentary, but it still took Anti all day to break through them.

He looked around. They had to still be in the apartment. He hadn’t felt them leave. But where where they? “Jack?” he called, both with his voice and his mind. There was no answer.

There was a flutter of something in his stomach that he didn’t recognize. Something jittery. He didn’t like it. Frowning, Anti glitched to the kitchen. Dirty dishes were piled in the sink, just like they had been when he’d been forced out that morning. “Jack, are you here?” Nothing.

“Your fans want you to play that new game,” Anti said. “That one with the animatronics.”

“Sister Location,” Jack replied absently. He looked away from the computer screen where he was editing. Anti could’ve done that for him, but it hadn’t even occurred to him that could be an option. Jack didn’t mind, he just asked a friend to help him out. “It’s a FNaF game.”

“I know that,” Anti said, folding his arms. “Are you gonna play it?”

Jack’s eyes lit up. “Yeah. I actually had a cool idea for it. And if people like it, we could go for the whole month.”

“Really? What?”

“I want to scare the shit out of the community,” Jack grinned. “You know how I like horror. I’m thinking I could take some of that and put it in real life. Hence, the scaring-the-shit-out-of-them part. But I kinda...need you for this.”

Intrigued, Anti leaned forward. “Keep talking.”

He wasn’t in the kitchen. He wasn’t in the bathroom. He wasn’t in his bedroom. He wasn’t in the closet. None of them were. That left just one room: the recording room. That morning, Jack had dragged a table in there, along with a set of knives. That was the room where it all happened. Anti glitched into the room, looking around. If he could’ve breathed, he would’ve been breathing fast. Everything was exactly the same. The pumpkin was there, the knives hadn’t moved, the camera and its LED screen were still set up. Both of those had turned off, probably affected by the surge of released energy when the cat-themed magical girl of a magician decided to throw him out.

 “Jack, w͠he̷ré ̸̢a͟r̵e ̸y̡o̵̡u͠͞?!͢” Anti shouted. Maybe they were hiding, or magically camouflaged. Anti spun around and in a fit of glitches he was back in the living room. His hands twitched as the distortion spread outward, searching.

“Everyone is freaking out,” Anti said delightfully as he leaned over Jack’s shoulder, watching him scroll through Tumblr.

“Hell yeah they are,” Jack agreed. “They probably think I’m possessed or something. Hey look, they even caught onto your name.”

“Or they made it up and just happened to be right,” Anti rolled his eye, but he let a flicker of a smile slip out. “We gonna keep goin’ with this?”

“What do you take me for, an amateur?” Jack said, knowing full well he was making this up as he went along. “We’re gonna do something big on Halloween.”

“Like what?”

“Uh...I hadn’t thought that far. I was thinking maybe we could get some ideas from these guys. A lot of them think you’re gonna kill me...I can work with that.”

Nobody was there. Nobody was anywhere. How had they left? He would’ve sensed that! Unless they’d found some way to stop their electric signatures from being detected. Was there a spell for that? If there was, it must’ve been recent enough that he didn’t know about it. Anti told himself this. He couldn’t stand the idea that he’d been so focused on breaking the wards that he hadn’t even noticed them take Jack away. “Jack,” he muttered. “Why’d you choose t̷͟͠h̨̡͠e҉̢͏m of all people?”

“It’s okay, he’s gone,” Jack said, shutting his front door.

The lights flickered overhead as Anti made the switch from electricity to mostly flesh. He scowled. “I don’t like him,” he said without preamble.

“You don’t like anyone.”

“I hate him.”

Jack sighed. “I know. You’ve always hated him, which I don’t get. He was my roommate in university, y’know.”

“I do know, I was there. And I’m still here, listening every time he talks. You ever notice how he switches from hating his ex to wanting her back on the flip of a coin? Or how about how you just go along with whatever he says because not doing that would make you guilty? And his house mates! There are some inconsistencies in their records, and they act...strange.”

“He’s not—and I’m not—they—emotions are complicated, Anti. I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Maybe you should.”

Anti reappeared in the recording room. He was twitching more than normally, travelling across the room and back in half a second. That Enkávma a’Ousiika spell had more of an effect on him than he wanted to admit, and he made a note to avoid it in the future. He glared at the carved pumpkin on the table. He clenched his fists and fought the urge to throw it. That wouldn’t help Jack at all. But he had to do something. He growled, and slammed his hands down on the table, rattling the candles.

This was his fault. If he hadn’t been so distracted, if he had just insisted a bit more to Jack that they were not who he thought they were, maybe...maybe nothing would’ve changed.

“People are theorizing!” Jack said joyfully. “They're pulling apart the Instagram story I posted.”

Anti dissolved for a moment as he double checked all the digital platforms. “They look like they’re having fun.”

“Good!” Jack said sincerely. “That’s the point.” He picked up one of the knives—the fake one—and fiddled with it. “So, you noticed the places I left in where you could do your thing?”

“I did.”

“Perfect. Now we just need this last bit. It should look as real as possible, like you’re actually in my head.” Jack dug around in his jeans pocket and pulled out a tube of fake blood. He’d dressed similarly to Anti’s usual outfit for this occasion.

Anti hesitated, then asked something quick, before he could change his mind. “What if we could make it real?”

Jack paused. “What d’you mean?” he asked, curious.

“Human bodies run on electricity like any computer. A different source, and more complicated, but you’re electric all the same. I can use that, influence that, travel through nerves like they’re wires.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “So you could actually possess me?”

“Not unless you want me to,” Anti explained hastily. “I was..made to understand, a long time ago, that your will is important. So I won’t take control unless you tell me to.”

Jack considered it, passing the fake knife from side to side. “Alright...we’ll try it out,” he said slowly. “But if I’m not okay with it, stop.”

Anti nodded. “Of course.”

The camera flickered on and off, in response to the glitch’s whirling thoughts as he disappeared and reappeared around the room at random. He knew where they’d probably taken Jack. Unless they had a new base he wasn’t aware of. He could get him back. Probably. They had pretty serious wards set up, and if had taken him a day to break through the hastily-made ones around the apartment—even if that was right after his essence was burned, he didn’t like his odds. He had to figure out some way to get in. He just needed to plan

But there was a part of him screaming to “Do something right now!” that he didn’t think was totally unreasonable. He could go to the police, in the meantime? He immediately dismissed the thought. A good portion of them were...not exactly moral, and the rest were lazy. They wouldn’t do anything unless the public demanded it. But...maybe there was some way to get people to notice, to get a lot of people invested in the case of the missing Jack McLoughlin.

His eyes strayed to the blinking light on the camera.

It had all gone well at first. Jack’s mind wasn’t exactly guarded, and slipping in was easy for Anti, as easy as holding his breath. He ran down Jack’s limbs, testing them out. He blinked his eyes and rolled his shoulders before finally settling down in his neurons. He could read Jack’s thoughts here, and he wasn’t upset. Somewhere between weirded out and fascinated, feeling his body move on its own, but not upset. Yet.

“I’m going to start putting the makeup on,” Anti said, using Jack’s mouth. He felt Jack’s approval.

But before they could proceed, the door to the apartment opened. Anti tensed, mentally and physically. “You expecting anyone?” he muttered. Jack was not. Jack thought it would be a good idea if Anti left so he could take care of this.

But Anti didn’t leave. He froze, sensing the familiar electric impulses of their minds. “What are they doing here?” he growled. Jack wondered who. “Three of your ‘friends.’ Hat, cat mask, glasses.” Chase, Marvin, and Schneep? “Yes, those ones.”

Jack felt relieved; this was good news. He’d thought someone had broken in. “They d̢i̛̕d̴ break in, Jack. Your door was locked.” But he knew them, surely there wasn’t a problem? Anti should just leave. And Anti almost did, but then he gritted Jack’s teeth and decided not yet.

They found the recording room easily enough, they’d all been there before. Chase opened the door and entered first, followed by Marvin, in his mask as always, and the doctor, in street clothes but carrying a strange bag that Anti didn’t like the look of at all. “Jack? Sorry, are you recording?” Chase asked. “You left your door open and we were—”

“It was locked,” Anti said. “I’m not an idiot, Brody.”

Chase’s eyes widened. Marvin and Schneep exchanged glances, moving a bit closer together. “No need to snap, dude,” Chase continued. “Or use the surname, jesus. We were just in the neighborhood and decided, hey, let’s go see Jack! I know you weren’t really planning on doin’ anything for Halloween, so we thought we could have a little get-together here. We could wait until you’re done recording, of course, but we brought games! And treats, too.”

Jack started pushing against Anti’s control, causing his hands to shake. Come on, it didn’t sound like they were up to anything. He could lurk in the wiring and watch like he always did when they were around. Then he’d see that there was nothing fishy going on.

Anti ignored him. “So is that what’s in the bag? What were you doing in this area anyway? It’s all apartment buildings. And you just happened to have shit for a party while you were roaming around the city, huh?”

“What is the matter with you?” Chase asked, suddenly angry. “You’re acting very weird, not like yourself at all!”

Anti laughed. “Oh, really?”

Marvin leaned toward Chase and said something under his breath that made him go pale. Chase looked at “Jack” with wide eyes. “Uh, dude, Jack—”

“Jack can’t answer the phone right now, can I take a message?” Anti asked in a singsong voice. Stupid? Maybe. But so much fun to watch the color drain from their faces.

Everything happened at once. Anti twitched, and the knife in his hand was suddenly real. Chase pulled Schneep to the ground as Marvin’s eyes lit up violet. A purple ball of fire launched from his hands, and Anti glitched out of the way, dragging Jack’s body with him. Jack screamed mentally, and Anti wasn’t sure if it was the breaking sensation of glitching that caused it, or the entire situation. Marvin hurled another fireball, and Anti glitched forward, taking a swipe with the knife that the magician barely managed to dodge. “Ge͞t ̨ou̵t̕! ̀Le͠ave h̶i̴m͝ ͝a̕l҉ǫņe!” Anti shouted.

“We do not have time for this!” Schneep shouted. “Do something fast!”

Marvin paused for a millisecond, then new fire shot forth, a brighter shade of purple. It curved in a wide arc, and though Anti tried to glitch away there was only so much he could do while towing a body that was not meant to break from reality. The fire hit him. It did no damage to Jack’s body, but Anti felt a sense of wrongness, of destruction and eating away. He screamed as he was ripped from Jack, left hanging in the air, no more substantial than a cluster of pixels. “Ib hauc luca, quosei ecité!” Marvin shouted, and Anti was flung away, so far away...and when he gathered the energy to return, the magician had set hasty protection spells around the apartment. He spent all day fighting to get past those, only to realize that it had been a distraction all along...

With a flick of power, Anti started the camera recording. He double-checked everything, making sure the table and pumpkin were exactly where they were when those three had barged in. He wrote the words “HELP JACK” on the whiteboard to the side. Then, he put all his effort into solidifying his body. He changed the hair color, making sure it matched Jack’s shade of green. He duplicated Jack’s tattoo. And finally, he took off his own eye-patch. There would be no hiding what was there when it was seen without a filter, but he could edit the footage well enough afterwards. He didn’t want to scare the viewers too much.

And then, Anti enacted the scene he’d planned with Jack. But a few major differences. The knife was not fake. Slowly, he cut. He could feel it tear apart his flesh, though it did not hurt. It was the first time he ever wished it did.

And then, he let his solidity fall away, and he spoke lines they had not planned. Not just warning, but anger poured out.

“You͞...̡H̶i̛s ҉mi̡nḑ ͏ẁas weak!̶ ҉Yǫu áĺĺ ̧saw t̸h̴e̷ ̶s̸i̧gn͝s, ̸ḱept hi̡m—҉” he couldn’t stay together. Reality was breaking. “I ̛am h̶er͏e҉ ͠now!҉ I͢t͏'s òn͡—y͠ou̴!͟ ̷I͞t̨'̵s ̶a̛ll̡ ́o͠u̴r̕ ̛faults.̢ T͡ǫo ̷l̴on͟g҉—li͏stene̕d̡ t́o th̡em̷.͞ Y̨o̴u all sa̵w i̕t̕ h̸a̕ppe̶n͏. ̷Yo͢u c��o̡uld've ̢s͟top͝ped̸ ͠thįs.͠..̢b̢u̡t͟ y͏ou͞ ͠ju̴st ҉w̕a̢t̕ched.́ As th̸i̢s̴ hap̡p͠ened!” His head cracked from side to side. ̕”N̕o̡w̸—h͢e's͝—g͟o̵ne͏ ҉fo̵r̵e̵v҉er͟.”

He fell apart. But he had one last message. “G̢̀e̷͠͏t͏̷ ҉h̴i̢m҉͞ ̵b̛͢͡a̴͢c͡k҉.”

A message to himself as well. A promise.

Two days later, he reformed once again. Furious. Jack had uploaded a video the next day, explaining how it was all fake and the community didn’t need to worry. And most of them didn’t. That fact alone made Anti want to scream. Just like he said, they all watched Jack’s life and did nothing. They watched the videos he did with Brody and didn’t remark on how he did whatever he said. They listened to him talk about his friends and chose not to pick out the signs that were blatantly there.

Still, there were a few who thought the words he chose were odd for something dismissed as an evil monologue. They analyzed it, picking out bits and pieces, trying to understand. He had to keep an eye on them, nudge them in the right direction. Help them realize something was wrong, not just in the story they thought Jack was creating, but in reality itself.

Though Anti could’ve repaired the damage his own hand had done, he didn’t. It was better this way. Its seeping blood reminded him. He would not let it heal until Jack was safe.

And until those psychos paid for what they’d done to him.

[decaffeinatedcatastrope]

More stuff from my unnamed kustard fic-in-progress.  :T  I’m a big fan of karaoke night things, so there’s a bit of singing in the middle.  Red is just so emotionally constipated it’s kinda fun to see him deal with music.

Also I’m sorry there’s not too much kustard in this one, mostly just feels and dumb skeletons.  warnings: cursing and drinking?  kind of hard to avoid with Red around.

Also there’s arts.  

Red scoffed at the suggestion.  “wait, you want me to do karaoke?  pfft, i can’t sing fer shit.”

“We don’t do it because we’re good - we do it because it’s fun!”  Undyne insisted, pulling Alphys close.

Alphys’ face bloomed with red, and she fought to speak.  “I-I mean, only if want to.”  She added, a nervous smile on her face.  

“It would mean a lot if you came, Papyrus can’t make it this time and it’ll just be me, Alphie, and Mettaton.”  Unyne stuck out her tongue a little at the mention of Mettaton.  Red perked up a bit.  

“Mettaton comes to yer karaoke night?  ain’t he busy?”  

“He - well yes but--”  “He always makes time for Alph!  They’re like best friends for some reason!”  

Oh.  Well, that was news to him.  “...can’t say that’s a selling point for gettin’ me to go to this karaoke thing.  i’m still fuckin’ awful at singing.”

“You can’t be that bad.”

“you ever hear Sans sing?”

“...Well, um.  No.”  “You still can’t be that bad!”  

“i...guess i never really tried before.  i don’t even know what kinda songs to sing.”

“Whatever you want.”  Alphys started, before her face brightened and she shot off the couch into her workshop.  Both Undyne and Red were left looking very confused while the sounds of things falling echoed through the house.

“...uhhh.”  Red’s eye lights shifted to look at Undyne.

Undyne laughed at his worried look.  “That’s normal - sometimes when she gets ideas she goes nuts!  It’s one of the things I love about her.”  She sighed happily.

Red grimaced slightly.  “can ya at least leave yer little flirty romance bullshit ‘till after i leave?”

“NO, you’ll sit there and take it!!”

Red actually snorted at the connotations behind that, before bursting out into laughter.  “holy shit.”

“UGH NOT LIKE THAT, YOU GROSS--”

Alphys took that moment to rush back into the room.  She shoved a small square device into his hands.  “Red, look!”  

It...kinda looked like a cellphone.  “...uh.  thanks?  but you already made me a new cellphone.”

“No - this is just for music!”  Alphys insisted.  “You just need some headphones and you’ll be able to start looking for music to sing.”  

Red stared at it for a while, a weird...warm feeling in his soul.  “...did you just...make this?  right now?”

“Yes - I-I mean - you can keep it even if you don’t - I don’t want to make you feel like you have to come to karaoke just because I gave--”  

“thanks, sunshine.”  Red finally looked up and gave her an honest smile.  Alphys had seen it before, but Undyne was a little surprised by the gratitude behind it.  

“...Wow, you DO have emotions other than salty dickishness!!”  Undyne laughed.

Still smiling at Alphys, he casually flipped Undyne off.  She laughed again, so Red decided to tuck the little device into his pocket.  “it shouldn’t be too hard to find some headphones that don’t need ears.”  He added.  “so next week, right?”

Alphys bounced happily.  “Yes, Saturday at 7!”

“kay.  see ya then?”  

Undyne quirked a brow before yanking Alphys back onto the couch before the little yellow monster vibrated herself out of the room.  “So you’re really coming?”

Red nodded.  “guess so.  thanks fer, uh, including me?”

“I thought maybe you’d like to get out a little.  Sans says you’ve been kind of cooped up.”

Red scoffed.  “he’s afraid ‘m gonna trip and accidentally dust someone er somethin’.”

Undyne gave him an odd look.  “...That’s not...even a possibility, right?”

“uhh.”

“Right?”

“no m’am--”  Red blurted out in reflex, before he choked on his words and snarled at her.  Undyne burst into laughter.  “oh go to hell!!”  

“No thanks!”  Undyne cheered between laughs.  “I wouldn’t wanna miss you trying to sing!!”

“oh fuck off!”

“Guys, b-behave?”

“you tell yer bitch to behave, i’ve been downright friendly all night!”

“WOW NO, FUCK YOU!”

“Guys!!”

The two angry monsters glared at each other for a few moments, before both of them broke down in laughter.  Alphys looked...confused.

“just some friendly words between friends, sunshine.”  Red elbowed her gently.  Undyne gave him a sharp grin and pulled Alphys closer, away from Red.  

“Yeah, we’re friends.”  

Frienemies were the best.

----- Saturday came around faster than Red had expected.  Since he’d had nothing better to do, he spent most of the day while Sans and Papyrus were out researching songs.  A few times, he tried singing, and found his voice to...not be completely awful?

Thankfully, he found some pretty bad songs to compensate.  Looking up one band he’d found an album for back in the dump in his Underground, he found that they had all the same songs, and quickly found one that ‘fit him’.  That was what Alphys had told him his first song should do.

All in all, he was prepared.  When he arrived, he followed Alphys down into her basement, which had a fucking nice TV and speakers.  Like, holy shit.  

“ya know, if you were my Alphys, i’d be worried about this bein’ some kinda fucked up private dungeon.”  Red whispered.

Alphys snorted and gave him a look.  “Oh my god, no.” She whispered back.  Undyne noticed them at this point.

“thankfully yer not my Alphys.”  Red patted the top of her head.

“Hey dickbag!”  Undyne waved.

Red nonchalantly waved back.  “hey captain bitchface”

Mettaton glanced over the back of the chair he was draped over to see who this new stranger was.  When he’d first heard the voice, his first thought was Sans, but Sans never came to karaoke.  He...was not expecting someone like Red to show up.

“Red, behave!”  Alphys bravely snapped at him.

“oh, but yer not gonna call out Undyne on her bullshit.  favoritism.”  Red grumbled, before laughing at Alphys’ sour expression.  

Wow, Mettaton had never seen Alphys straight up scold someone before.  He didn’t think she had the confidence.  Interesting.  “...Well, Alphys.  Why don’t you introduce us to your...prickly new friend?”  

“O-oh!  Um, this is--”   “’m Red--”   “That’s Red, he’s an asshole!”  

Red flipped Undyne the bird.  “takes one to know one, bitch.”  

“Red!”  Alphys chided him, gently smacking his arm.  He laughed at the attempt, until a horrible idea popped into his head and he gasped.

“ow, oh no, i’m dying -” Red crumpled to his knees and flopped onto the floor.  “-death by creampuff.  i’m dead.”

Undyne snorted while Alphys blinked in mild concern.  “Oh my god.  R-Red get up.”

“can’t, ‘m dead.”

At this point, Undyne rolled off the couch in a fit of laughter.  Mettaton was...amused, but also still kind of wary.  He’d never seen this monster before.  In fact, he’d never seen any skeleton monsters besides Papyrus and Sans.  And he certainly hadn’t heard Papyrus talk about any family besides Sans.

In fact, he kind of...looked like Sans.  But not really.  Actually no, they weren’t anything alike.  Were they?  Something was off.

“Hey, get up already so we can start karaoke!!”  Undyne finally called, back on her place on the couch.  “I hope you practiced!”

At that, Red sat up, and he had the faintest dusting of magic on his face.  “well i tried.  didn’t wanna do it while Sans or Paps were in the house.”  He slowly got to his feet and brushed off his jeans.

“So ~ you know Sans and Papyrus?”  Mettaton butted into the conversation, his tone skeptical.  Red’s focus suddenly shifted to him, and a chill ran through the ghost-turned-robot’s soul.  

After a moment of staring, the strange chill in the air subsided.  Red shrugged.  “they were nice enough to take me in once i got up here.”  He replied, nearly tripping on ‘up here’, since that was his cover story.  Couldn’t go around telling everyone he was from an alternate universe, after all.

Especially not this glorified calculator in a shiny new body.  Idly, Red considered the differences between this Mettaton and the one in his universe.  This one definitely seemed less...murdery.  

“You didn’t leave the Underground until recently, then?  I certainly don’t remember the skeleton brothers talking about you before.”

On the fly, Red formed a more feasible backstory.  “i was in the capital.  real sick, some kinda rare magic disorder.  everyone kinda abandoned me, figured i was gonna kick the bucket.  almost did.”  Undyne and Alphys both looked intrigued.  Maybe they thought he’d actually spent time on this.  He was just a good liar.  

“ended up wakin’ up and everyone was gone.  wandered for a while before coming up here.  sunshine there saved me when my magic didn’t wanna behave.  it still don’t--”

“Sans helped too.”  Alphys blurted out, and Red sneered at her.  

“...yeah, Sans helped too.  we’re both skeletons after all.  similar magic.”

Mettaton took a moment to digest all this new information, but finally satisfied, he leaned back in his chair.  Red felt some of the tension leave him.  This Mettaton was definitely less murdery than the one from home.

The room fell into silence for a moment or two, before Undyne held up a beer.  “Hey, we got booze this time!  You know, ‘cause Paps isn’t here to scold us about it!”

And with that, Red perked up.  His grin widened, his gold tooth glinting in the light.  “now yer talkin’, captain.”

“And stop calling me Captain!!”  Undyne snapped, throwing an unopened bottle at him.  

He caught it.  “nah.  ‘s fun watching you throw a bitch fit over it.”  He replied, before he popped the lid off with his tooth.  

Undyne narrowed her eye at him.  “...Fine, but only because that was badass.”

“damn right.”  He flopped down on the opposite side of the couch, and Alphys sat between him and Undyne.  Curiously, he took a swig of the beer.  It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad either.  You know, for being human beer.  It lacked the magic tingle that monster alcohol had, the same tingle that still had his soul reeling in protest from his months of starvation and pain.  

So this was nice.  He felt...comfortable.   ----- Mettaton called the first round, and as expected sang something showy and annoying, in Red’s opinion.  Then to his surprise, Alphys went next.  He figured it’d be hard to follow up the shitty glitter toaster, but she sang some anime song and it wasn’t half bad.  

Next was Undyne, and she sang some badass power-ballad thing, which Red found out was also from an anime.  Damn.  

Then it was his turn.  He’d be lying if he wasn’t kinda nervous.  Yeah, he’d sung before, but just little stuff - like lullabies for his brother, back in the Lab, on the bad days.  Maybe a song or two for his knock-knock buddy, before he’d known who she was.  Back when she was lost in her loneliness.  

But now Undyne was shoving him up towards the microphone with that pointed grin of hers, before she scrambled back to cuddle Alphys.  The three of them stared at him expectantly.  So, steeling himself, he selected the song he wanted to sing and plugged the little device Alphys had made him into her sound system.  

The guitar instantly started up, followed up by lazy drums.  It wasn’t as hard core sounding as Undyne’s, and but it fit him.  He grinned.

He left the mic in the stand, shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, and started.

“all day, all night, i've been thinkin' why feelin' wrong feels so right. and i know, yeah i tried. to turn myself around but i know what i like.”

Everyone was a little more than surprised.  He had a nice voice.  A little rough, but deep, and the notes came easy to him.  If he was nervous, he was good at hiding it.

“i ain't nice, no, i'm quite a dick-”  Undyne couldn’t help it, she laughed. “i'm the bad guy who's makin' you sick. it's easy for me, i've got no shame -”  Red shrugged after this line, before he snatched up the mic - stand and all - and yelled the next line. “i'm in it for the money and fame!!”

“everybody wants to be like me! the villain is the one that you came to see,” He casually pointed at himself and gave them all a wicked grin. “sick of all the good guys savin' the day, ‘cause the villain always wins when the hero's away.”

The base guitar kicked in, thrumming loudly through the speakers.  Red could feel it in his bones, and he loved it.  This was fun as hell!!

“there's days when i wanna give in - but it's hard to be a saint when you're full of sin.” He grinned wickedly again, his expression taking on a different tone now.   “why would i ever think of goin' back, when it feels so fuckin' good to be bad!!”

“everybody wants to be like me the villain is the one that you came to see sick of all the good guys savin' the day cause the villain always wins when the hero's away--”

“i know that secretly, everybody's rootin' for meeeeee~”

There was a short guitar solo here that had Red tapping his boot, before he dropped his voice to just above a whisper.

“everybody wants to be like me, the villain is the one that you came to see. sick of all the good guys savin' the day,”

He threw his arms wide and smiled.  “because the villain is here to staaaaayyyy~”

“everybody wants to be like me the villain is the one that you came to see, sick of all the good guys savin' the day, cause the villain always wins when the hero's away!”

Red shrugged again, smiling this time.  “and i'm here to staaaaayyyy~”

“i'm the villainnn~”

“and the villain always wins when the hero's away.”

The song came to an end, and Red felt alive.  Fuck, that was fun.  He gave everyone a toothy grin, and they just kind of...stared at him for the longest time.  He actually started getting nervous before Mettaton started clapping, much to his surprise.

Then Undyne threw her fist in the air and whooped.  “WOOO!  I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!”

Red stared at her for a minute in mild disbelief, before scoffing.  “nah, admit it, that was shit.  you creampuffs are just too nice to--”

“It was actually really good, and you looked like you had fun!”  Alphys cut in, hopping up off the couch and giving the prickly skeleton a hug.

Red froze, unable to process further thought.  He was being hugged.  He had to take a second and remember, this wasn’t his Alphys.  She didn’t wanna hurt him.  He was so lost in thought, he didn’t get a chance to reciprocate before Alphys nervously let him go.  

“...uhh.  yeah, i had...fun.”  He replied flatly, making a beeline for the couch to chug his beer.  He didn’t feel like he was sober enough for this right now. ----- Sans received a text from Alphys during his midnight lunch break, asking if he could pick up Red or if he should stay over there tonight.  

shy pal: *Hey Sans, when you get a chance can you come take Red home?   *Or if youre busy he could stay here i guess? *I know youre probably at work I’m sorry

He smiled.  Poor Alphys.  

comedic genius: *im having lunch its cool *lemme finish my hotdog and ill be right over *did he have fun?

shy pal: *Yes! *Omg Sans you have got to come next time, he’s so good!   *You’d have fun ;3

He wasn’t quite sure why his face lit up with magic.  not safe for work, thoughts.  

comedic genius: *ill pass *dont bass your assumptions about my singing on reds *id just cause you unnecessary treble *you alto find someone else to come sing

shy pal: *Stooooop ;o;

comedic genius: *ok ill st-oprano

Sans snickered for a minute, but when she didn’t respond his smile fell a little.

comedic genius: *that was bad ill stop right now *i really hoped that one wouldnt b-flat

shy pal: *I’m keeping Red.   *You’ve lost custody.

Sans choked on the last bite of his lunch, before laughing.  The other clerk looked at him strangely.

comedic genius: *wait wait no im sorry *he needs me or he’ll die

shy pal: *You’re doing a good job with that btw *He looks much better! *;3

Oh god.  Sans let his skull thunk against the table, and he seriously considered just leaving Red there.  If he couldn’t get home on his own, he was probably drunk.  Who knows how the guy was gonna act in that state.

Suddenly, Sans felt an odd flash of fear in his soul.  How exactly did Red act while drunk?  Were Alphys and Undyne safe?  Would Papyrus be safe if he brought him home?

comedic genius: *hey so why can’t he come home on his own?

shy pal: *Undyne bought some human beer, since Papyrus wasn’t going to come.  Her and Red drank the entire case.

comedic genius: *is everything okay?

shy pal: *Yes? *Wait are you worried? *Cuteee

comedic genius: *worried about you guys *hes only the most violent monster we’ve ever encountered after all

shy pal: *Sans! *He’s not like that, he’s actually very nice! *He just wants to feel safe :(

Sans winced.  His worries were getting the best of him again.  

comedic genius: *wow that was pretty rude of me huh? *i feel like a jerk *i’ll be there to pick him up in a sec

He put his phone away and stood, chucking his trash in the nearest can and heading for the bathroom.  

“You have 5 more minutes, Serif.”  His manager warned.  Throwing her a sheepish grin, he ducked into the room.  The second the door was locked, he was gone and appearing inside Alphys’ workshop with a soft pop.  

He headed into the main house and...Oh.  Red was spread-eagle on the couch.  Mostly, anyway.  Sans caught sight of Alphys frowning at her phone.

“hey Alph--”  “OHGODSANS!?”  Alphys shrieked, nearly chucking her phone at him in shock.  Red jolted at the noise, but otherwise stayed asleep.  

“sorry about that, heh.  i’ll uh, take him home now.”  Sans replied shyly, before heading to Red’s side.  Cautiously, he poked at the larger skeleton’s skull to see if he’d react badly to being touched.  

Red twitched at the touch, but just continued snoring.  A good sign.

“...Sans, do you trust him?”  Alphys asked quietly.  Sans stared at her for a minute or two before looking back at Red.  

“if...i’m being honest?  i dunno.  he’s dangerous, but...also not?”

“...Sans--”

“i think what scares me the most is that i know what he’s capable of.”  Sans started, before back-pedaling over his words.  “i mean - i have a good idea about it.”

Alphys was quiet for a moment, remembering their conversation about the Determination in Red’s soul.  In both their souls.

If anyone had any idea of Red’s potential, it was Sans.

“...I-I can’t ask you to trust him.”  Alphys started, curling in on herself a little.  “But can I ask that you have a little more faith in him?”

Sans opened his mouth to reply, before Alphys cut him off again.

“Because I don’t think he has any in himself.”

That made Sans’ soul run cold.  Oh.  His face scrunched up in a grimace.

“A-and I’ve been there.  He needs you.  He needs all of us.”

“until we can get him home.”  Sans replied quietly.  He checked his phone.  Less than a minute before he was due back at work.  “i gotta go, later Alph.”  He replied, before gently grabbing Red’s arm and shortcutting them both away.

The two landed in Sans’ living room, Red slumping perfectly into the couch with Sans standing over him.  Sans could tell Red was nearly awake from the shock of the shortcut.  Almost unintentionally, Sans gave his arm a reassuring squeeze.  “...you’re safe, bud.  promise.”

He felt Red relax a little, before he curled up on the couch.  Sans watched for a minute, but checked his phone.  He was 2 minutes late.  With a sigh, he vanished in a blink. ----- When Sans returned from work later than usual that morning, he’d been yelled at for his late break and forced to work an extra hour at half pay.  He was fairly certain doing that to him was illegal, but he was a monster, his manager could get away with it.

He appeared in his living room with a soft pop, fully intending to flop down on the couch and sleep the moment he got there.  But then he remembered Red was on the couch and threw himself on the floor to avoid falling on him.  He landed with a muffled thump.

“ow.”  Sitting back up, Sans got a good look at Red, and he was on his feet in an instant.  Poor Red had his arms almost impossibly wrapped around his own neck and ribs, his claws digging into his shirt.  He was shaking slightly, and Sans knew the poor guy was having a rough night.  

Was this the first time Red had gotten human alcohol?  He’d heard from Grillbz that it was pretty rough on monsters the first few times.  

And Sans looked on sadly when he realized he’d left without even throwing the blanket over the poor guy.  

“...hey.  hey Red?”  He called softly, very very cautiously nudging Red’s shoulder.  He was prepared to bolt if Red swiped at him, like he’d done many times before.

Instead, Red just made a pitiful groan and curled up tighter.  Oh.  Sans nudged him again.  “hey bud.  come on, lemme know you’re still kicking.”

“...sshhhhaddupuri’llkickyouu...”  Red grumbled, swatting at the general direction of Sans.  He missed badly.  Why was he awake?  His...his everything hurt.  His bones hurt.  His soul was screaming at him.  “ughhhmygod.”

“you okay?”

“no.  let me die.”

He heard Sans pity laugh.  “sorry, you’re my responsibility now.”  A thought popped into Sans’ head.  “do...you need magic?  would that help?”

He saw Red go still, before nodding silently.  O-oh.  Sans gently touched his arm, scooping it up and supporting Red as he helped the still fairly drunk skeleton upstairs.

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 111 Thoughts

If this chapter doesn’t have forty pages of chibi Eren wandering through the woods asking where his nii-san is, what even is the point.

(The point is Drama.

Intrigue.

Fluid.)

Thanks, I hate it?

So yikes, we have a proper ballgame going and everything is awful leading into the ninth inning. It’s going to be extra innings with Paradis’ chief closer out of commission, up against their rival team. Truly one for the record books, people.

First thing is actually first, where the manga, in a fit of hysterics, gives me something I wanted: Numbers.

Over a hundred people have joined Eren’s side, deserting their posts. The suspicion is that they’ve done this out of the belief that the people with the power to rain down armageddon are maybe the safest shadows to hide under, and hey, with all the waffling their government has done about solving the problem of the whole world wanting them dead, why not?

For the larger groups, everything makes a simple amount of sense.

Eren has power, so people gather behind him.

Eren has power, so Paradis will yield to it for the sake of survival.

It’s a bit of a horrifying story, and one that I always take some joy in seeing. There comes a point where individuals have so much power where the only thing stopping them from changing the world however they see fit is their own boundaries.

Whatever Eren’s boundaries are, they’ve changed. He’s willing to kill children for the sake of his mission.

He is the most powerful card Paradis has, and without him, they have nothing.

Leaving them stuck doing whatever he wants them to.

It’s a similar tactic to the one he uses to drag the Survey Corps into his massacre; they need Eren, so they have no choice but to come support him in the choices he’s made as an individual. Everything else falls away in the face of the power Eren wields.

Yeah, the head of their government has been assassinated by his cult. Along with several other lives.

So?

Does that fundamentally change anything?

Does Paradis somehow need the Founding Titan less now that their command is facing disarray?

For a story so often pointing out that if you don’t fight, you can’t win, it’s pretty damn... something that the main character has all but removed the ability of a party he’s allied with to fight. They can’t resist him, and he knows it, and he’s exploiting it at his convenience.

Putting Zeke’s location on the negotiating table is cute, and a nice stall tactic in theory, but for all that Pixis says it’s not submission, Paradis is powerless.

If they don’t conduct rumbling experiments, they have no protection against the world.

They can’t conduct rumbling experiments unless they let the Yeager Bros come into contact.

If the Yeager Bros come into contact, they can do whatever the hell they want.

Which they have already been doing, so picture all of this, only more.

Pixis’ decision is really the only one he can make if he doesn’t want their people at each other’s throats. They can’t publicize how their one and only hope is willing to dismantle their government. They can’t publicize that they can’t trust their military to be acting in the interests that the government puts forth.

There’s a delicate balance here, with the balance being a complete lie because security has already toppled off and discovered that there’s no net below.

Their only prayer is someone swooping in and placing a trampoline down below before the crushing fall is completed, and there’s no guarantee of even that much happening.

If Zeke and Eren don’t want to help, no one can actually force them.

Zeke is one of two living humans in the world who can power the Founding Titan.

Eren currently has the Founding Titan.

They can’t kill Eren outside of a controlled environment, or else the Founding Titan will go who knows where. With Eren’s pile of abilities he’s nommed, fighting to subdue him will be next to impossible. With the added limitation of doing everything they can to avoid killing him?

Armin brings it up as a point of faith; if Eren has the Founding Titan, it shouldn’t matter what Zeke wants out of it.

Eren now has a cult who doesn’t blink twice at assassinating key government officials. Even if it doesn’t matter what Zeke wants, what Eren wants, or is at least willing to put up with, is heavily alarming.

“No, no, we’re not submitting. We’re negotiating.

What do you mean the only thing we have is something we’d have to hand over anyway to get what we want.”

Like.

Hell, man, talk the good game all you want to keep morale up, but you people and your entire society now rise and fall at the whim of a man who has put no effort into making himself look trustworthy.

So, you know.

Ganbatte.

Other special numbers include thirty soldiers + Levi standing in between Eren and Zeke once Eren finds Zeke, Hange, and three unnamed soldiers who are either about to be very dead, very traitor, or the coolest NPC badasses ever.

Meanwhile, Eren still has a hundred.

Just trailing around after him.

With bombs.

Considering Eren could kill most all of those people (except Levi and Hange) without help, I repeat the theme of this post that Paradis is so beyond screwed it has actually become laughable.

Another fun thing of note that only I care about is that even if Eren can’t get to Zeke, he might be able to get to Historia, and Nile appears to be in charge of her security.

The reason only I care about this is because Nile is in charge of her security, and Nile has been fed the story of Historia and NPC Farmer Guy being totes in love 5evr.

(NPC Farmer Guy has no name and no face. I declare him Red Shirt-san, and also reallllllly fucking dead. Especially if my crack theory of the carriage from last chapter rushing off to Historia was correct, meaning that Pieck, theoretically having tracked the carriages, is going to pay the Queen a visit.

Bye Nate.

(his name’s Nate your canon is invalid))

Briefly defending my descent into self-interest, Historia getting zero panels and barely any hearsay about her is driving me nuts for all sorts of reasons.

Two people (count them, two), in the entire world, are capable of drawing out the power of the Founding Titan. One of them is an untrustworthy dick. The other is Historia.

Historia, when last seen under extreme emotional duress, was of the opinion of, “fuck humanity titans did nothing wrong.”

As we can plainly see from her expression at the end of 107, there is nothing but blue skies and happiness going through her boundless considerations of humanity now, and she is most assuredly, definitely on their side as all of her friends ditch her in the middle of the woods and never visit or mention any concern for her except that one guy who has taken up murdering children, and he possibly did that in active defiance of concern for what problems it might cause her.

What could possibly go wrong.

There are about three people who hold the fate of Eldia in their hands, and we know what none of them are thinking. They also all have a much more casual relationship with murder than most of the rest of the cast.

What I’m trying to say is that Paradis your politics are boring because your livelihood hinges on three catastrophically emotionally damaged people, and all of the story’s energy is going towards keeping those people away from thought bubbles or general illumination.

If Historia, Eren, and Zeke decide that you guys die............ you die.

You possibly should have invested more in strategies that weren’t so entirely dependent on renegade children following orders.

Okay okay, enough pointing and laughing at the futility of government in shounen. Mikasa! How you liking your entire page of dialogue! Does it feel good? Does it make up for the gaping hole Eren being a nutcase is causing?

Of course it does!

I don’t know how I feel about Kiyomi, but I am glad that her relationship with Mikasa is so obvious in its self-interest. Mikasa isn’t being yanked around; she knows this person caring about her blood hasn’t translated to caring about her people.

Whatever Mikasa’s genes, Paradis is her home, and she considers herself as Eldian as anyone on it.

What’s interesting in that conversation is that Hizuru is still doing what it can to avoid being an ally of Paradis. They’re letting this one clan mess around, but unless results can be produced, the whole scheme is dead to them.

...

You know. Paradis had better start hoping that there’s still some massive secret to the Titans, because with the current knowledge available, they are just... so incredibly screwed on so many different levels.

I’m inclined to think that Kiyomi wanting Mikasa safe is one of the few shreds of honesty she has left. I’m an optimist. A child connected to the days of honor long gone... hey, it’s a romantic concept, even conniving foxes can have one last hurrah in them.

But also, Mikasa just doesn’t deserve people piling more lies on her.

A promise to protect someone calls to her heart. I’m sure Mikasa has thought those words to herself many times; whatever happens to Paradis, her priority has always been her family. Not a blood family, like Kiyomi holds on to, but one bound to her with ties of steel.

Only now her family is at odds.

Mikasa might care more about her family than anything else, but in practice, she’s a compassionate, responsible young woman. She can’t turn her back on the world just because her family has. She’s going to bleed herself dry trying to do the best for both of them.

That’s not a happy thought, because even if Mikasa, with all her strength and ability, fights for anyone in this conflict with all her heart, the concept of winning is a far off dream. Her supernatural gifts don’t make the world turn. Her gifts simply mean she might survive when everything around her explodes.

Yuck.

And also hey, Connie, I love you man, but you turn those angry eyes away from Mikasa pronto.

Then we’ve got the many trials of Nicolo.

Featuring Gabi and Falco.

...

I don’t wanna. I can skip this part.

Uggghgghghhgh.

Hell, this is a lot faster than I thought this disaster would come out, and it’s a lot grimmer than I really want and in general just ow.

Nicolo is a prisoner of war. He is allowed to cook. He finds light in cooking for people like Sasha. He’s Marleyan, and Eldians are devils, but being around them, his heart softens to them, and his role becomes something more complicated.

As a soldier, fighting the demons of Paradis is just what you do.

As a person, fighting people like Sasha, Jean, and Connie...

With a heavy heart, he can hand off laced wine to their superiors. He can continue to operate as a soldier fighting against Paradis. But the very thought of Connie and Jean being caught up in that sends him into a panic, and he falls back on racist rhetoric to cover it up.

Rhetoric his heart isn’t even in anymore, because more than killing, Nicolo finds himself in cooking. In bringing people happiness.

And Gabi killed the person who shows him that. The person who gave him solace from the hell of war.

It doesn’t matter that she’s a child, or a Warrior Candidate, or anything but the person who killed Sasha.

She cares about Falco’s life. That comes to stand as another condemnation of her. She knows what it is to care about someone? She’s valued enough that this boy is willing to jump in front of a blow meant for her?

Did she think the person she killed wasn’t?

It’s destructive and awful, and Gabi finally has a defense for herself that isn’t just brainwashed rage at the island. That girl? The one she shot? That’s the girl who shot someone she knew. Guards who watched over Warrior Candidates training, in charge of penning up Eldians, but they were still people Gabi saw a home in.

She can’t justify the loss of Sasha, but she can justify shooting back, especially at someone who just clubbed Falco in the head.

But she’s still just a brainwashed child.

Sasha’s father watches two people, profoundly touched by his daughter, ripping each other apart because they’re in pain. Sasha changes Nicolo for the better. Sasha and her path in life is what’s breaking this child.

A child is calling his daughter a devil. She’s been brought into this conflict and all she sees is the enemy, and the good there must be in fighting that enemy.

Gabi doesn’t even try to fight back when Sasha’s father holds up the knife.

She’s bleeding and in tears, and for one of the only times, she isn’t reacting with violence. She’s just a stunned little kid, wondering if the people who’ve fed and housed her on this island of evil are about to kill her. Like she killed the daughter they loved so much.

Of course the man who raised Sasha doesn’t lay a finger on her.

Of course the man who has to physically hold down his child to try to force her to stop eating so she won’t die of starvation later understands how hard the world is.

Horrific things have happened.

He isn’t going to bring one more into this world.

And Gabi... from the very start, she’s been the most passionate about becoming a Warrior. She’s going to follow in her cousin’s footsteps. She’ll commit war crimes, she’ll take on a death sentence, she’ll do whatever it takes. She’s a Warrior.

She’s a kid.

She doesn’t want these kind people to hate her.

Kaya reacts the same way Gabi has to everything so far. She charges in with the only weapon she can find, trying to kill the problem because the emotional strain of what’s actually going on is too big for her young heart to take.

Kaya, who really has been kind. Who’s the reason they’re here. Who’s been trying to get her and Falco home.

Kaya’s in tears, and Falco’s unconscious and bleeding.

All because of what Gabi’s done.

Nicolo sees the same thing.

That’s why he comes clean.

The world is such a cruel place.

They’ve got to spare the beauty where they find it.

I’m not going to touch that plot bomb, because the manga can do it for me in future chapters. Zeke having a bunch of government officials drink his spinal fluid is honestly on par with every other thing he’s done, so. One more point to the Paradis Screwed column.

So last word goes to Mikasa.

I mentioned in the chapter where Louise and Mikasa talked that Louise had seen Mikasa’s strength impact her life, but completely missed the kindness behind that strength. Mikasa is terrifying as a soldier. She’s cold and relentless.

As a person, she will ask the child who killed her friends to see her wounds, and hold her close to keep another child from hurting her.

Mikasa is kind.

Gabi has met so many good people on this island, and all of them are in tears.

It’s funny and sad that Mikasa and Armin take her into the back room to calm down. For all their lives practically, they’ve been looking after a reckless wild child who gets into fights they have to finish for him.

Gabi is as driven and passionate and full of anguish as Eren as a child, and now she’s with two of the people who know that.

Armin and Mikasa might not know how to help Eren, but they can help this little girl.

And Mikasa can keep another little girl from knowing what it’s like to knife someone in the back because they killed someone you love.

Welcome to Emotions.

Where everything is absolutely awful except maybe the people feeling them.

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

HOB ch.23-24

FINALLY, i’m back to hob’s universe. i had to stop reading this because university, but now that i’m freaking done with my exams, i can enjoy it as i wanted *^*

aaaaah, i missed xie lian and hua cheng SO MUCH- just look at my beautful san lang taking that strange plant and going to cure his gege’s hand immediately as if that’s the only thing that matters. god, i love him

San Lang didn’t respond, and after applying the powder he let go of Xie Lian’s hand. Xie Lian couldn’t help but think his attitude and this weird atmosphere between the two of them was really off, but didn’t know how to ask about it without sounding weird. This wasn’t something anyone else would notice either and couldn’t possibly understand.

(he just hates you putting yourself in danger for the sake of other people, he waited too much for you, gege! aaaaah they are beautiful, help me-)

EDIT: awkward hualian is making me wanna hug those two, i need them to remain alone and more of san lang protecting his gege 

EDIT 2: THERE IS A FRAKING F A C E IN THE GROUND. WHAT THE HELL. THAT’S CREEPY.

EDIT 3: omg okay, if i already didn’t love san lang, i would fall in love with him right now. he went for a version of that plant that had not been fertilised by humans ‘cause he knew xie lian wouldn’t like it, and that’s so thoughtful and beautiful and i feel blessed. BLESSED.

Ever since Xie Lian had gotten stung by the scorpion snake, San Lang had behaved like this. A couple days ago it was all ge ge this, ge ge that, but now he barely called him ge ge anymore. When they first met, San Lang had avoided his touch and seemed weary of contact with Xie Lian, but that seemed to have gone away after spending so much time together. Now, besides sucking poison and applying herbs, San Lang was once again avoiding touching him, and that made Xie Lian feel weird. He’s not used to this distance.

i am getting so freaking emotional, this is so angsty and bittersweet, i love hearing sl calling him gege, it’s what keeps me alive, so i want them to talk and figure this out pls make it possible please please please-

EDIT 4: 

The mud face replied, “There’s someone amongst you I’ve seen before… fifty to sixty years ago.”

A shiver went down everyone’s back and made their hairs stand.

No mortal in present company should be aged over fifty. That means whoever this person was that was here then was not human.

this is getting creepier by the minute, what the fuck- i love this. I LOVE THIS.

EDIT 5: i think the face is talking about san lang? since, you know, he is a big deal in the demon world and long. HE WON’T HURT ANYONE AS LONG AS THEY DON’T HURT XIE LIAN, CHIIIIILL.

EDIT 6: 

Xie Lian pushed himself off the ground about to walk away before the mud face raised his voice, “Do you really not want to know who it is? He will kill all of you.”

yeah, i think he really is talking about him. though i don’t trust some of the merchants? and a-zhao? mmmmh

EDIT 7: okay, tha face? that face is getting unsettling me so much WHY DO THOSE MERCHANT IDIOTS GET CLOSER??? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

EDIT 8: what the fUCK DID I JUST READ EWWWWWWWW

Xie Lian grabbed the merchant by his collar and backed up, but the tongue that flew out was freakishly lengthy and barged right into the merchant’s ear!

Xie Lian felt the body in his hold convulse violently, the merchant’s limbs writhed nonstop, and the man let out a short agonizing scream before falling to the ground. That long tongue dug out a large chunk of something bloody from his ear and and brought it back to the mud face’s mouth.

sorry, see you later, i’m gonna throw up-

EDIT 9: 

He was about to attack the repulsive monster when the mud face screamed again, “GENERAL! GENERAL! THEY’RE HERE! THEY’RE HERE!”

A deafening cry more savage than beasts blared in the distance.

YOU ATROCIOUSLY IDIOTIC HUMAN PLANT-----------

EDIT 10:

The massive nine feet man they called ‘general’ seemed to have found the squirming mud face deeply disgusting, and swung his mace towards him, smashing his face into a bloody mess, the teeth of his mace piercing his brains. When he pulled up his mace again, the entire body was pulled out with it, fulfilling his wish of “let me out!”. And the body that was unearth was not a full human body, but a skeleton.

(okay, now i feel... uhm, i feel a bit sad. yeah, sorry annoying-face-in-the-mud, i think i jinxed you?

THAT FACE IS STILL ALIVE WHAT THE HELL. well, “alive” is probably too big of a word, but... *sugh* i am gonna refer to this as the annoying-face-in-the-mud arc from now on.)

The mud face countered immediately, “That wasn’t odd! It was just… a tongue a bit longer than average!”

*hysterical laugh* SERIOUSLY?

EDIT 11:

He said in a small voice, “Don’t worry. If anything happens I will go forward first.”

Xie Lian thought if they must all fall, then he might as well be the first one to check things out. It couldn’t be worse than venomous snakes and beasts, menacing ghosts and demons. He couldn’t die from falling, he couldn’t die from poison, he couldn’t die from bites, and he couldn’t die from getting hit. As long as it wasn’t some pool of corpse dissolving water, his body shouldn’t be damaged too horribly.

NO OKAY? NO. SOMEONE STOPS HIM RIGHT THIS INSTANT I KNOW SAN LANG WON’T ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN OR WILL AT LEAST GO WITH HIM OMG why does xie lian talk about himself like that, i hate this, just because you can’t get hurt doesn’t mean you have to care so little for yourself, babe, i love you so much-

EDIT 12: okay, wow, a-zhao went down and i... did not expect that, since i was suspicious of him too, so now i feel guilty. again. ugh. also, that pit sounds even more scary now that, supposedly, a-zhao’s body has been teared apart.

EDIT 13: THE SOLDIERS ARE INSULTING HIM AND I AM GETTING MAD HOW  D A R E  Y O U- also, bitch? you wanna die, you are freaking asking for it-

EDIT 14: 

There was no helping it. Xie Lian was ready to jump if all else fails anyway. Behind him San Lang stepped forward.

Xie Lian’s heart lurched and turned around.

With his arms crossed, the boy was nonchalantly looking over the dark, bottomless pit with an air of intrigue. This wasn’t a good sign, and Xie Lian called out, “San Lang?”

Hearing his call, San Lang looked over and smiled softly, “Don’t worry.”

(WHATEVER YOU ARE GONNA DO, DON’T DO IT. I’M NOT GONNA READ IT SO IT WON’T HAPPEN. I AM FREAKING SCARED BUT- well. san lang won’t get hurt, right? BUT I DON’T WANT HIM TO SUFFER EITHER. just look at this cutie pie smiling at his gege and telling him not to worry i’m done-)

San Lang took another step forward and was teetering dangerously on the edge. Both Xie Lian’s head and heart started pounding, and he called again, “Wait, San Lang, don’t move!”

At such height at the brink, the boy’s red clothes danced in the night breeze. San Lang glanced at him again with a smile, “Don’t be scared.”

“Come back here. Come back here and I won’t be scared.” Xie Lian said.

(THAT LAST SENTENCE. HEAVEN HELPS ME. 

shit shit shIT I’M CRYING OMG THEIR ARE TOO BEAUTIFUL XIE LIAN IS SO WORRIED SINCE HE IS STILL NOT SURE ABOUT HIS IDENTITY AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO RISK IT AND SAN LANG IS SO SOFT AND PROTECTIVE OF HIM GUYS MY HEART IS BEING TEARED APART I WANNA CRY THIS IS TO PRECIOUS HELP)

EDIT 15: XIE LIAN SCREAMING HIS NAME AND JUMPING AFTER HIM ONLY TO BE HELD BACK I AM DYING SO FAST RIGHT NOW

why did no one tell me this was so painfull-

EDIT 16: okay, why is a dead girl throwing them all down-

EDIT 17: 

He thought he was going to crater and flatten like a pancake like many times before when suddenly, in the darkness, there was a flash of silver.

A pair of hands lightly caught him.

Whoever it was caught him perfectly, as if this person was made just to catch him at the bottom. With a hand across his back to grasp his shoulders, another under his knees to support his weight, the dreadful gravity of the fall was dissolved to nothing. Still dazed and confounded from falling at such a height, Xie Lian unconsciously held on tight to that person’s shoulders and called, “San Lang?”

The pit was filled with darkness, nothing could be seen, including the person. But Xie Lian still called that name. The other didn’t respond so Xie Lian patted and squeezed the chest and shoulders just to make sure. “San Lang, is that you?”

(OKAY I AM ALIVE

I am not sure a posses the words to explain how i feel, but even if i knew san lang was gonna catch him (that he was fine), my heart is pounding so hard and i love how strongly xie lian is reacting to him, unconsciously feeling him up to make sure he is fine. i didn’t know it’d be like this, they are gonna be the end of me.)

It took a moment before he heard the boy’s low voice from very close to him, “I’m ok.”

Xie Lian didn’t know why, but this voice was curiously different than before.

(BECAUSE THAT’S HUA CHENG, BABE, AND IT’S HAPPENING? IS SAN LANG FINALLY SHOWING HIS TRUE FORM???? ARE THEY GONNA MEET NOW?!??!?!?!?!!??!?)

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Soulless Riffing: Brainless Epilogue

I got a supernatural action/romance book series as a gift that’s just riddled with stuff that I hate….and as a steampunk Victorian London action romance story filled with werewolves and vampires…it’s yeah gonna be easy to poke fun at.

I just want to say, it’s totally cool if you like this story or ones like it!  It’s certainly a better caliber than a lot of what I make fun of…however…I can’t help but want to make fun of it.

Over here for the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7+8, 9, 10+11, 12, 13, and 14.

HERE’S THE FINAL CHAPTER, STRAP IN MY HEARTIES!

Epilogue

So, dang, this epilogue’s pace is the worst.  It’s so bad, if I recounted the events in the order they appeared I feel as if this riff would have a bad pace itself.  

So there’s this detached, braggadocios tone that describes two separate portions of the wedding in two totally separate parts of chapter.  I can boil it down to this actual quote, “The wedding was hailed as a masterpiece of social engineering and physical beauty.”

It starts off with almost an entire page of describing the dress.  I mean sure, but fashion isn’t my thing so my eyes glaze over.  Also that they had to redesign the dress at the last minute cause Maccon gave her a hickey that needed to be hid.  And I mean, isn’t that what we need to educate our young women about?

Man’s every careless sexual impulse needs to be catered to even if it greatly inconveniences everyone else. Why can’t you just cover it up with make-up?  Why is this adult novel treating a marriage of adults like a middle-school dance? WHO KNOoooOoOoooOooOOOWS?????

BUT THIS WAS ALL FOR THE BETTER cause the neckline of her dress inspired London’s fashion for a whole 3 weeks.  

Here’s an accurate attempt at me trying to understand this, “I guess it’s nice to have rich idiots incinerate and rebuild their wardrobe because of a thing you wore once.  But why stop there? I’d create an army of genderqueer flannel-babies out to hate read harmless fiction.”  Yes Faps, your interests are clearly superior to those who like to dress feminine.  Way to go!

We have a full page on the food which was more interesting but in a limited way because I have not had guinea fowl, aspic jelly, pigeons, sole, woodcock pie, pheasant, or grouse. But like, I’m not uncultured or anything! I’ve had alligator meat before! ….oh damn my American is showing real bad right now. DON’T MIND ME I’M JUST GOING TO HIDE BEHIND A WALL OF IMPERIALISTIC WAR CRIMES! But that’s okay cause the British can relate to that.

Personally I’d much rather the story brag about delicious food it’s likely the audience has had before, than just throwing out stuff that sounds period appropriate.  Cause honestly? My imagination does not think any of that would be tasty.   My dream wedding is definitely forcing near a thousand people (most of whom I’ve met only once) to pick at gamey meat and envy my dedication to an inconsiderate buffoon.

But before the wedding officially goes down we have the one and only nice scene.  Alexia wakes up Akeldama early so he can see the sunset before her wedding.  There was no reason for her to do it that day, since it made her late to her own wedding, but dangit it was nice.

However the actual wedding? Phew boy, there is no talk of the actual ceremony.  In fact there’s no cute speeches, dancing, bonding moments between friends or family, or even funny drama of the werewolves clashing with the humans.  I mean it would have been super annoying to have a scene where Alexia’s sister shrieks at one of the werewolves for drinking punch out of a bowl like a dog, and when she tries to rip it from him it spills all over herself.  Cause there’s no reason to cathartically enjoy seeing her sister humiliated but dang…it would have at least been SOMETHING ALMOST FUN!

Three things happened during the reception.

1.)    Alexia and Prof. Lyall hook Ivy up with some BARELY named servant to Maccon and Lyall. Like, you realize the trope of shacking up the side characters is supposed to be this cute little tying together of established characters, usually very different ones? Like it’s supposed to kinda help wrap things up by having separate parts of the story literally cum errr I mean come together.  Like, the obvious and decent choice, would have been Lyall and Ivy.  Hell if you needed Lyall for other nonsense, why not that Haverblink hunk guy Ivy was I THINK drooling over?  Took a fun trope and wasted it.

2.)    Alexia is ~gifted~ the Vampire hive servant Angelique.  Gosh I’m super looking forward to the part where Angelique realizes vampires are chumps and betrays them for the super cool Alexia.  I thought since she was named and pleading with Alexia for help earlier, she’d be damsel’d, or comes back later with more secret info, or was the villain mastermind AFTERALL! NOPE!  This human person with a name, hopes, fears, goals, thoughts, and emotions of her own is given like a decorative silverware basket as a GOD DAMN WEDDING GIFT! AND ALEXIA THINKS THAT’S FINE CAUSE TO HER HUMAN BEINGS ARE PROPERTY AND SHE’S OUR RACISM FIGHTING HERO! HOORAY!

3.)    Sorry to save the most tepid for last but the last thing of note is that Maccon’s werewolf pack, as part of werewolf tradition turn into wolves and just circle around them barking and howling….okay cool cool…but have you considered the more wolf thing to do would totally be for all of them to pee on her. ONE AT A TIME, THEY’RE CIVILIZED!  Her new husband gets all offended that she’s upset at this wholesome tradition.  Alexia secretly plots to bring supernatural genocide back into vogue again.

So on the carriage ride home they fuck but we have an entire book worth of build up for this scene to last 1 page.  Like, I wasn’t even looking forward to it but was still disappointed.  And, of course, this is one of those books that can’t directly mention SEX PARTS which SPOILER ALERT usually makes it confusing if you can’t be fucking straightforward.  Despite being all coy about it there’s the iffy phrase, “had Alexia squirming in such a way as to force the very tip of him inside her whether she willed it or no.”

Yeesh! As hot as you folks may find ravishment, it feels really out of place with a woman who’s supposed to be super horny and into her husband for it to still be written noncommittally like ravishment.

But with a lurch of the carriage he’s blamo balls deep and she says out loud that it hurts.  He DOES look worried and ask her if it still does. So kudos!  However there’s this infuriating line

“Something extremely odd and tingly was beginning to occur in her nether regions.”

Okay you weren’t aroused until he was balls deep, and we’re going to describe this as if a 26 year old woman (whom by the way has described being aroused by this man before, and describes being fascinated with her dad’s dirty books) is bamboozled that a dick in her made her horny.      

(Man looking confused and a bit suspect as he says okay.)

Also “It culminated in the most intriguing second heartbeat emerging around the area where he had impaled himself.”

WHAT!? YOU CAN’T SAY PUSSY BUT WE’RE GOING TO THROW THE WORD IMPALED IN THERE?

(Brittney Spears looking cringed out.)

That gives me the yikes.

She flops over after what sounds like 2 minutes of porking to remark, “Ooo,” said Alexia, fascinated, “it shrinks back down again.  The books didn’t detail that occurrence.”

OKAY 1ST OF ALL YOU LEGIT SAW THIS HAPPEN BEFORE WHEN YOU WERE DRY-HUMPING IN THE DUNGEON, BUT EVEN IF YOU HADN’T, WAS SHE UNDER SOME DELUSION THAT WHEN A DUDE GETS HIS 1ST BONER THAT’S JUST WHAT HIS DICK IS NOW?

YOU’D THINK CODPIECES WOULD STILL BE IN FASHION IF EVERY MAN IS SLINGING AROUND HIS ERECTION 100% OF THE TIME!

WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID ALEXIA!?

If you wanted a cute little sexy thing to mention…why not, “Oh my dad’s books never mentioned that it throbbed! Or that it could twitch! Or that it got SO red! Or that it got THAT hard, it’s only full of blood afterall!”

LE SIGH!

So the story ends with the prospect of them gonna fuck sum more.

Say something Nice Faps:

I legit really liked that brief scene where she holds Lord Akeldama’s hand as they watch the sunrise, and he’s crying, and she’s got her head on his shoulder and just PRECIOUS!

Out of the things to brag about at a wedding, food is the top of my list, I can appreciate that she dedicated some time to it.

The sex had a bit of that ravishment flavor but Maccon does check in, and she admits she enjoys it.

IT’S OVER!

[badchoosey]

Perfect Match, Book One. Chapter 1: True Love, Guaranteed

You walk down a bustling Brooklyn street, the sounds of the city humming all around you. 

Karma: (Hope I’m not late!)

Soft music plays as you step into the hip venue of an upscale art show. 

Karma: Nadia! Hey!

You spot your cousin, Nadia, among the crowd. Her face lights up as she approaches with arms outstretched and wraps you in a tight hug!

Nadia: Karma! I’m so happy you made it!

Karma: Are you kidding? The opening of your new art collection? I wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

Nadia: Honestly, I have no idea how it blew up. But who am I to argue with the review of an art critic?

Karma: You mean glowing reviews from dozens of art critics?

Nadia: Oh, shush! Anyway, that’s not what I was excited about. 

Karma: Then what is it?

Nadia: I want you to meet my boyfriend!

Nadia waves over to a handsome man from across the room…

Nadia: Steve! Come say hi to my cousin!

Steve: Hey! You must be Karma! I’ve heard so much about you. I’ve been dying to meet you for weeks, but I’ve been busy at the animal shelter. 

Karma: Oh! Do you work there?

Nadia: Steve’s an investment banker. But he volunteers at an animal shelter. Amazing, right?

Steve: Ah, it’s nothing. I’m just a guy who likes to do some good in his free time. Nadia here is the amazing one. The way her art makes me feel… It’s indescribable. 

Nadia: Aww, sweetie!

Steve: Now, if you’ll excuse me, Karma, I’ve got to replenish the hors d’oeuvres. We’ll talk later! My mini-quiches are going fast!

Steve gives Nadia a kiss on the cheek and hustles off. Nadia sighs, beaming. 

Nadia: Did I mention he bakes? He bakes. So… What do you think?

Karma: No one is that perfect. I’m calling bull. How much are you paying him?

Nadia: Ha, ha. Don’t be mad that I’ve found the ultimate boyfriend!

Karma: Really though. Where did you find this guy?

Nadia: I met him through a matchmaking service. They asked me some questions, then found the perfect man for me! They’re very exclusive. Super selective with their clientele. But I’m sure they’d accept you in a heartbeat!

Nadia reaches into her purse and hands you a business card. 

Nadia: You should try them out!

Karma: True love, guaranteed? I’ll believe it when I see it!

Nadia: That’s not a nooo…

Karma: I mean… What the hell? I’ll give it a shot. You’ve piqued my curiosity.

Just then, a voice calls to you from the crowd… 

Damien: Don’t tell me Nadia has got you drinking this ‘matchmaking’ service Kool-Aid too, Karma. You of all people don’t need some fancy matchmaking service. 

Your good friend Damien saunters over, seamlessly switching his empty champagne glass with a fresh one from a server’s tray. 

Karma: I’ll take that as a compliment. But you can’t argue with the results. Steve seems like a catch. 

Damien: Yeah, I talked to Mr. Perfect on the way in. Haven’t found any flaws or dark secrets yet. But give me time. 

Nadia: Really, D? We’ve known you for like, four years. I thought you would’ve dropped the tough, cynical act by now. 

Damien: I’m a private investigator. I catch liars and cheaters for a living. ‘Cynical’ is basically my job. 

Nadia: Don’t listen to him, Karma. He’s like the Grinch when it comes to love. Eros is the best matchmaking service ever! I’ll schedule you an appointment for a consultation!

Damien: Yeah! A vague, secretive company providing little to no contact information… What could go wrong? Just keep your guard up, Karma… Maybe bring pepper spray, or hold your keys like claw. 

Nadia: Ignore him. It’ll be amazing! I know you’re gonna find someone perfect for you!

Karma: Can’t wait!

Later that week, you arrive outside the address Nadia gave you. A sleek, unlabeled complex towers above you…

Karma: (Okay, this is a little weird. Not so much as a logo on the door. But the address looks right…)

You push through the glass doors to enter a warm, inviting lobby. A stunning woman strides gracefully across the room, the steps of her heels echoing through the halls. 

Cecile: Karma Park? My name is Cecile Contreras. I’m the Head of Matchmaking here at Eros. Welcome! You got here on the J train, didn’t you? I hope getting to the new Quincy Station wasn’t too much of a hassle. 

Karma: Uh, thank you… How did you know--

Cecile: We’ve done our homework. Eros has been expecting you, after all. Your cousin Nadia gave you a glowing referral. I’m excited to begin. Please, follow me. 

You follow Cecile through the pristine halls of Eros Incorporated…

Karma: I’m still a little overwhelmed by this whole thing. How can you guarantee true love?

Cecile: A good question. Love is a complex thing. But here at Eros, we’ve used the latest in behavioural science and technology to devise the most sophisticated matchmaking system in the world. 

Karma: So you think you’ve got people figure out… with some algorithm?

Cecile: Your personality, your wants, your needs… All of that makes you unique, like a puzzle piece. But somewhere out there is a piece that fits flawlessly with you. An exact complement. A perfect match. Our technology helps sort through the pieces to find yours. Simply put, the human heart is precisely out expertise. 

Karma: Sounds like a sales pitch. I’m not so easily won over by the slogans and buzz words. 

Cecile: Touche. But we stand by every claim. Give us a chance to convince you, and I promise you’ll be satisfied. 

Karma: Well… I’m already here. 

She leads you into a peaceful, softly lit room. A sweet, floral aroma and calming music fill the space around you. 

Cecile: Welcome to our consultation room. This is where we’ll be conducting our Perfect Match questionnaire. 

Karma: Is this the part where I tell you my middle name, my hobbies, and where I went to high school?

Cecile: Nadia sent us the personality profile you filled out, so we already have the basic information we need. Today will be all about finding out what you���re looking for in a match. 

Karma: Oh… Okay… So why does this place look more like a day spa than a quiz room?

Cecile: Oh, I assure you, our questionnaire is more than just a quiz. It’s a comprehensive interview, monitoring not just your words, but your biorhythms, your excitement, your emotional engagement… As such, we want you to be perfectly at ease. 

She invites you to sit on a reclining chair in the middle of the room, and instantly your mind drifts as you sink into the shockingly comfortable seat. Cecile sits on a chair beside you with a tablet in hand. 

Cecile: Simply place your hand on the palm scanner, and we can begin. 

You place your hand on the smooth surface of the chair’s arm. It hums and glows, and soon a soft chime sounds in sync with your own heartbeat. The lights in the room dim as your mind drifts, peacefully… 

Cecile: Now, relax. Close your eyes… focus on the sound of my voice… and speak from your heart…

Cecile taps on her tablet. You hear her voice from a distance as your eyes close… 

Cecile: I have twelve brief questions. Please answer as honestly as you can. 

You’re on a first date. Which makes you want a second:

Talking for hours about everything?

Being intrigued and left wanting more?

Karma: Being intrigued and left wanting more. 

Cecile: When traveling abroad, your perfect match would rather take you:

To explore ancient ruins, just the two of you

To a lively festival, bustling with locals

Karma: To explore ancient ruins, just the two of you

Cecile: You’re transported into a fantasy novel. Which character is more attractive?

A magnetic ruler, leading and inspiring the people

A silent, formidable warrior, fighting evil from the shadows

Karma: A silent, formidable warrior, fighting evil from the shadows.

Cecile: Your favorite childhood playground is being torn down. Your perfect match:

Takes you there for a farewell picnic

Steal you a piece of it to keep forever

Karma: Steals me a piece to keep forever. 

Cecile: Who do you imagine your partner hung out with in high school?

A close-knit group of friends

A rowdy bunch of outcasts

Karma: A rowdy bunch of outcasts

Cecile: Your match appears in a dream with an animal companion. What kind is it?

A fierce, wild hawk

A loyal, noble golden retriever

Karma: A fierce, wild hawk. 

Cecile: Complete the sentence. My perfect match can always:

Makes me laugh until I cry

Say the right thing to comfort me when I’m down

Karma: Say the right thing to comfort me when I’m down

Cecile: What would your ideal partner sing during a karaoke date?

A love song dedicated to you

A ridiculous theme song, just to tease you

Karma: A love song dedicated to me

Cecile: Your perfect match has just defeated a supervillain. What do they do next?:

Righteously condemn the villain’s actions

Spout a witty catchphrase

Karma: Righteously condemn the villain’s actions

Cecile: Your travel plans have fallen through. What does your partner do?

They point blindly to a map, and plan a new adventure on the fly

They have you covered no matter what, backup plan and all

Karma: They have me covered no matter what, backup plan and all.

Cecile: How would your partner clear out a building full of zombies?:

They devise a brilliant plan and execute it flawlessly

They charge in, guns blazing!

Karma: They devise a brilliant plan, and execute it flawlessly.

Cecile: You’re at a casino, and your partner is winning big. Why is that?

They take big risks, and it pays off

They’re savvy and calculating, and play the odds

Karma: They’re savvy and calculating, and play the odds. 

Cecile: You’re doing wonderfully, Karma. We have enough to find you a suitable match, but first, I’d like to ask if there’s anything in particular you’re looking for… I’m going to list a few traits that your potential match may possess… Let me know if any of them resonate strongly with you. For those who prioritize physical intimacy, we have many candidates with massage skills. We can refine our search to animal lovers and pet owners, who are often compassionate and kind. If you’re drawn to creative, artistic souls, we can match you with musicians. Last but not least, many people seek the culture and intelligence of someone who speaks many languages. Which of these appeals to you?

Karma: I’m looking for someone with a magic touch. 

Cecile: An excellent choice. Would you like to distinguish your preferences further? Remember, there’s no shame in being picky when it comes to love. You’re absolutely worth it. 

Karma: I’m fine with my selection. 

The lights in the room brighten, and you are suddenly aware of your surroundings again. Cecile looks up from her note-taking and smiles warmly at you. 

Cecile: That concludes the questionnaire. Not so bad, was it? Based on your responses, we’ll determine which of our sixteen personality types best describes your Perfect Match. I’ll have your results in a moment…

Cecile taps on the tablet before turning it to show you the display… 

“Your perfect match is an Activist… - mysterious, rebellious, sincere, logical - … Someone with passion, drive, and vision, an Activist fights to change the world… and will fight just as hard for you!”

Karma: Wow. Just like that? Are you sure this type is the match for me?

Cecile: Skepticism is completely understandable. But I encourage you to trust the system. I think you’ll find that our system may surprise you. 

Karma: Well… I guess I could give it a shot. So… What next?

Cecile: Next? Simply leave the rest to us. We’ll find the most compatible partner for you in our database and arrange your first date. You’ll be hearing from us soon!

Karma: Sounds like a plan. And what happens after that?

Cecile flashes you a wink. 

Cecile: Why, true love, of course. 

You step out of the Eros building into the brisk night air, the New York City skyline towering above you. 

Damien: Made it out of the Mystery Company in one piece, huh?

Karma: Damien? What are you doing here?

Damien leans against his old muscle car, pulling his jacket tight against the cold. 

Damien: Check your phone, lovebird. I called you a couple times. Wanted to make sure you hadn’t joined a cult, or bought a timeshare or anything… And also offer you a ride home. 

Karma: You just wanted the dirt on this Mystery Company, huh?

Damien smiles. 

Damien: Wow… You know me too well, Karma. Come on. 

Soon, you’re watching the city lights streak by through the passenger window of Damien’s car as you catch him up on your day. 

Damien: So, really… this Eros thing. You’d think you’d just swipe left and right like other apps. No, you know, go to a day spa for a fancy interview. 

Karma: Maybe it’s a little… unconventional, but it seemed legit to me. 

Damien; Unconventional is an understatement. But hey, whatever makes you happy. 

Damien pulls the car to a stop outside your apartment building.

Damien: … I actually mean that too. I want you to be happy. 

Karma: Oh, really? No sarcasm this time? No snarky retort?

You catch Damien’s eye as a slight smirk spreads across his face…

Damien: Despite my unflappably cool facade… I do have the capacity to care about someone. Occasionally. 

Karma: Don’t get sappy on me now, Damien. 

Damien: Wouldn’t dream of it. 

One afternoon that weekend, you’re lounging in your apartment when a knock sounds on the door. You open it to find… 

Nadia: Karma! I’m guessing you haven’t left your apartment today. 

Karma: What makes you say that?

Nadia: Because if you stepped outside, you would have noticed this on your doorstep!

Nadia hands you a pristine display of flowers with an envelope attached! You open the card inside…

Karma: It’s from Eros! ‘Dear Karma, True love awaits! We’ve found someone special for you, and have already arranged your first date. At the end of the night, we’ll survey you both separately. If you both feel a connection, you’ll be declared a Match! You need only come with an open heart… and leave the rest to destiny.’ 

Nadia: Well, I came here hoping to ask how your appointment went, but I guess I have my answer! I remember when I got my letter from Eros… I was so excited! This is gonna be amazeballs! Right?!

Karma: I think there better be a money-back guarantee. 

Nadia: Ugh, you’ve been hanging around Damien too much. Let yourself be hopeful! This match they’ve found is going to be great for you!

Karma: Let’s hope so. The details on the card say that Eros has scheduled our first date… For tonight!

Nadia: Wait, what? We’ve got to get you ready!

Soon, Nadia is leading you on a last-minute shopping trip. She pores over the card from Eros as you browse through outfits. 

Nadia: Tonight could be the start of your beautiful, perfect love story, Karma! You’ve got to make a good impression! Luckily, Eros has you covered!

Karma: What do you mean?

Nadia This card from Eros includes some style suggestions based on your Perfect Match’s taste! Perfectly tailored to impress him!

Karma: They can do that?

Your cousin pulls an outfit from the rack…

Nadia: This one! It fits the suggestion perfectly! Try it on!

Karma: I think I’m just going to go as I am…

Nadia: Well… if this person really is your perfect match, they should love you regardless! I trust in the system!

As the afternoon goes on and the sun starts to set, you finish prepping with Nadia… When a sudden knock at the front door sounds! You hurry over to the living room with Nadia in tow!

Nadia: Ohmygod, ohmygod… He’s here. Answer it, quick! Tonight will be the start of your beautiful storybook romance!

You try to calm your cousin as you open the door…

Karma: Relax, Karma. It doesn’t have to be a ‘storybook romance’. No one is expecting this night to be--

Hayden: Hi, I’m Hayden. You must be Karma….

Karma: I… um… wow.

[linssikeittomies]

The Place Between Here And There - An Excerpt From Ch 8

Masterpost

I disappeared without a single sign of life for a long while, but chapter 8 is underway! I’ve been struggling with writer’s block but it might finally be lifting. @freakyfeline has been helping me out with grammar, sentence structure and such. Ch 8 will have emotions running high! Fights! Fluff! Romance! Here’s some astronomy nerds stargazing.

--

If they weren’t in the city, they could see the stars really well. It was a cloudless night, and the moon was only a crescent, so the snow wouldn’t reflect too much light. It had been a while since he last saw a proper night sky. “Hey, wanna go stargazing?” Vanya put down his notebook and looked surprised. Yeah, Al didn’t come across as the outdoors type, and honestly he mostly wasn’t, but every now and then some wholesome outdoorsy goodness was just what he needed. And stargazing was basically the most romantic thing ever. Never mind that you had to drive out real far from the city to get a good view, and that it got stupid cold in the winter at night, but seeing the Milky Way while cradled in the arms of your lover just couldn’t be topped in the romance department. “Alright. We could try Aster park, it doesn’t have many trees.” “No, no, we gotta drive way out into the boondocks. Trust me, it’s worth it.” “Are you sure you want to? Have you ever even been camping?” “Hell yeah. I lived in the middle of a desert for a year, I know what isolation is. You?” A flash of discomfort crossed Vanya’s face before he answered. Was he really that afraid of spontaneity? Or was this another case of his mind working all backwards? You’d think he’d jump at the chance to get away from civilization, what with his hatred of humanity, but maybe he only liked being alone in a crowd? “We used to play in the woods every now and then when we were little, but it isn’t quite the same as a desert. Being so far away does not sound like a good idea. What if something happens?” “Vanya, baby, nothing’s gonna happen! We just drive out, stay for a while, and then drive back. I’ll keep you safe.” “I will consider it if you can find a pharmacy there that carries an antidote for snake poison”, Vanya claimed, but in reality it seemed like he was warming up to the idea. He was smiling, at least, and the objection was said in a teasing tone. “I promise, it’s gonna be the one of the best nights of your life.” “I will hold you responsible, should either of us die.” “Fine by me! We should get driving right away if we want to get back before morning. Put on your warmest clothes, it’s gonna be freezing.” “What? Now?” “Yeah, now.”

For a few seconds Vanya looked alarmed. He didn’t like surprises, because he liked everything nice and planned beforehand, so his life could be as boring and predictable as possible. But despite his concern, the thought intrigued him, so it didn’t take much more convincing to get him dressed. Al borrowed a coat from him, since his bomber jacket wasn’t meant for prolonged cold. Ivan also offered fur hats for them both, but Al convinced him to leave the ridiculous things home. Why did he even have them? No city in the state had cold enough winters for them. On the way, Vanya got steadily more nervous as they went on. He’d never been far from a city, he said, and he hadn’t realized how dark it got. He had expected it to be more like the city, where streetlights didn’t allow for real darkness. He denied being scared, but from the way he struggled to keep his voice unaffected and how he steadfastly kept his eyes on the road ahead, and most of all how he started leaning more and more towards Al the further they got, Al called bullshit. He wanted to tease Vanya about it, but the Russian could get really touchy at times, so instead Al just took one of Vanya’s hands in his own. It must have helped somewhat, since Vanya started taking more part in Al’s monologuing, and it got halfway to being dialogue. He  even stayed relatively calm when Al took the car off the main road and started navigating whatever tiny dirt roads he found. If he’d been alone, he could’ve spent the whole night just driving along, not caring where he ended up and only worrying about how to get home once he felt like going home. However, with Vanya fretting about finding their way back, he didn’t want to scare the man further and so stopped the car at the first turnout they happened upon. “Isn’t it a great view? Aren’t you glad we came all the way here?” “This is exactly the type of place people get murdered in”, Vanya mumbled in response, but the way his eyes were glued to the skies revealed that the scales were tipped in favor of the stars. Al settled on his back on the ground and beckoned Vanya to join him. Vanya settled his head on Al’s chest, still nervous. Even through the thick layers, he thought he could feel Vanya’s heart thumping. Maybe it was just imagination, but he still soothingly petted Vanya’s back. It felt odd being the one comforting the other, when Vanya was a head taller and about 40 lbs. heavier. It should’ve been Al curling up in Vanya strong arms and being protected. Not that he was the type, there were very few things he was scared of, and murderers weren’t one of those. He could K.O. any bad guy who had the brilliant idea of coming after him. Ghosts were another matter, but they weren’t real, so who cared? “We’re the only people for miles.” “I can’t even see anything. It’s so dark.” “Not even the stars? Babe, I think you’ve gone blind.” Vanya snorted at the stupid joke. It couldn’t be that he found it actually funny, it was just his nerves. Some more reassuring was in order. “Don’t you worry about anything. I’ll keep you safe, darling.” “Thank you.” Vanya was probably blushing. It was too dark to see, but his voice was subdued and embarrassed. “Look, there’s the Big Dipper”, Al said and pointed at the sky. Ursa Major was almost right above them. He had learned to recognize most of the constellations visible in the northern hemisphere a long time ago – his father was a space enthusiast, and Al had picked up on the hobby very early. His dad was a star man, while Al grew up to become more interested in planets. “The stars that make it are called Alkaid, Mizar, Alioth, Megrez, Phecda, Merak and Dubhe”, Vanya informed, not knowing Al knew the names of most stars in the zodiac. “Wow, I didn’t know you were into astronomy!” “I don’t have much time for it these days, but I was always interested in space. I think every child is at some point in their life.” “Have you heard about the giant blob of water just floating around in space?” “The one orbiting a quasar, who hasn’t?” Vanya answered arrogantly. “Do you know about Kepler-452b?” If he was looking to challenge Al, he was up for a serious competition! “Sure, it was huge news! It’s a shame the star it orbits is too dim to see with the naked eye. We could’ve searched for it.” “It would be difficult to find it, there are so many stars”, Vanya said, his voice was full of awe. Al wished he could see his face, it was rare to see Vanya with any other expression than calculated calmness and small smiles. With that kind of voice, he had to be staring up at the sky in absolute wonder. “I can’t even find Cassiopeia, and it’s one of the first I learned.” “You’ll find it eventually, love. Straight down from Dubhe”, Al reminded, and even pointed a helpful finger towards the constellation. It was one of the easiest ones to find, thanks to the stars that made the W-shape being some of the brightest in the sky. There were also a bunch of fainter stars in the constellation, but not a lot of people even knew that. Most thought it was just the five. Vanya probably wasn’t one of those people. “I know that much”, Vanya scoffed, offended that Al thought he was that unfamiliar with the night sky. “I’ve just never seen this many stars, I can’t see the forest for the trees.” Al saw the opportunity for a great joke. It might even help Vanya relax some more. He was already doing great, he’s been so scared to come out in to the middle of nowhere, populated only by tiny-ass dirt roads with no lights anywhere, and yet there he was. Nestled comfortably in Al’s arms, breathing calmly,  not even glancing around frantically. “Wow, the stars are so beautiful”, Al started, snickering. “I’m still certain that we will be leaving this place in bodybags, but I must agree”, Vanya answered, also with a light chuckle. “Know who else is beautiful?” “Many people”, Vanya mumbled darkly, probably thinking along the lines of not me, and possibly I will find them all and eliminate them. “Which one are you thinking of?” “No, no, you’re supposed to say who, and then I say me.” Because Al didn’t dare say anyone else’s name like the meme required, after the reaction Kyle had elicited from Vanya. “Oh, it is a joke of some sort. I see.” Vanya sounded a tiny bit relieved. Next time Al would play it straight, Vanya really needed a boost in self-confidence, despite having the best skin Al had ever seen in real life and wonderful proportions, not to mention his hair was the silkiest thing on Earth. Maybe he could’ve used a little bit of muscle definition, but on the other hand, the soft teddy-bear looked fit him to a T. Al couldn’t have pulled it off, he needed to be lean because his aura was completely different from Vanya’s. “Why the hell do you even have internet? You didn’t even know what does the fox say!” “I don’t have time for memes, Fredya. They are meaningless.” “You can pronounce Megrez but not meme?” “I can also pronounce Arcturus.” Oooooh, the uppity snob! Like he was any better at English than Al was at Latin! Stupid Vanko-sounding walking stereotype. “No wonder, I’ve tried listening to Russian and I’m convinced it’s just people hissing at random.” “Hush, lyubimiy”, Vanya laughed and snuggled up a little closer to Al’s face. So even if the joke had failed, it had reached its goal of relaxing Vanya further. Al kissed the top of his head, glad that Vanya had decided to forgo the stupid fur hat. As funny as it would have been, it wouldn’t have fit the romantic atmosphere. “Vanya, say something in Russian.” “Would you like me to hiss something specific at you?” “Nah. Feel free to profess your undying love to me or whatever. I just like to hear you talking in tongues.” Al only spoke English and a few words of Spanish, thanks to his brother-in-law. Almost all of those words were cusses. “I will call you a little poopy-pants brat”, Vanya snickered. Knowing him, he totally would. “Aww, c’mon”, Al play-whined. Vanya chuckled against his neck and thought for a little while. When he spoke again, it sounded like he was reciting a poem or something. “Sredi mirov, v mertsanii svetil, odnoy zvezdy ya povtoryayu imya… Ne potomu, chtob ya yeyo lyubil, a potomu, chto ya tomlyus' s drugimi. I yesli mne somnen'ye tyazhelo, ya u neyo odnoy ishchu otveta, ne potomu, chto ot neyo svetlo, a potomu, chto s ney ne nado sveta.” Poems under the stars. Vanya really had a knack for romance, he should let it show more often. Intimacy was a little scary for him, so he liked to play it cool and keep his distance. It was nice that he was slowly coming out of his shell, even if Al was getting impatient with how little physical contact there was in their relationship compared to the previous ones he’d had. ”That was nice. Got any more?” ”Mne nuzhno vremya podumat'.” ”I have no idea what you just said, but it was hot.” “Spasibo. Ya sdelayu vse vozmozhnoye, chtoby poradovat' vas.” “I wish I knew foreign languages.” “You have the time to study one”, Vanya lectured, like Al didn’t already have his hands full with his hobbies. It was easy for Vanya to say, he already knew English. He had forgotten how energy-draining learning something new was. “Hey, you were supposed to only talk Russian. I’ll let it slide if you say something romantic.” “Alright. Ya ne zasluzhivayu tebya v svoyey zhizni, no ya rad, chto vstretil tebya. Ya nikogda ne khochu rasstavat'sya s toboy. Ya khotel by vyrazit' svoyu blagodarnost' luchshe.” “Everything sounds so smooth when it comes out of your mouth.” “Vot klassika: Ya vas lyubil - lyubov' yeshche, byt' mozhet, v dushe moyey ugasla ne sovsemyu no pust' ona vas bol'she ne trevozhit - ya ne khochu pechalit' vas nichem. Ya vas lyubil bezmolvno, beznadezhno, to robost'yu, to revnost'yu tomim - ya vas lyubil tak krenno, tak nezhno, kak day vam bog lyubimoy byt' drugim.” “I bet you’d make a good singer.” “I’m afraid I am a better dancer than singer. I can carry a tune but anything more is beyond me.” “Really? We should go dancing some time, tear up the dance floor.” “Not that kind of dancing. I meant ballroom and ballet.” “You? Ballet?” Al asked astonished. Ballroom he didn’t bat an eye at, but a ballerina needs to be able to support his own weight on his toes. Vanya would need to weigh about half his current weight to do that. “I know, I don’t have the body type for it”, Vanya agreed begrudgingly. “The stereotypes just keep piling up”, Al laughed. He pictured Vanya doing pirouettes with those funny little ballet shoes and crashing through the floor. “Don’t ever change, babe.” They spent an hour spotting constellations and talking about all the distant planets and stars they had heard of until Al got too cold. In the car Vanya got started on about nebulas, and how in elementary school he had been so jealous of a classmate who had his bedroom walls covered in posters of them that he had emptied ten elmer’s glue bottles in the boy’s backpack. He hadn’t been caught, so he had repeated the trick the next semester. He had planned a third hit, but then the boy had transferred due to his mother remarrying a man in another city. Who knew, baby Vanya had been a little rascal!

[thecartoonarchivist]

Weekly Spotlight #4

Week number 4 of the Weekly Spotlight! I apologize for the wait; I’m still working out the kinks in my schedule.

Alrighty! So! Our weekly spotlight winner is:

*an even more vibrant drumroll!*

My Life as a Teenage Robot

I have a lot of fond memories of this show, as I’m sure many others do. Before sitting down and rewatching a couple episodes, from what I remembered about it, it was a little bit of an odd-ball. It always skirted this line of being accessible enough that the average viewer could relate to it while also being straight up bizarre enough to remember just how different this world is from our own. This show would mix the 1950′s aesthetic with science fiction concepts to cement itself, at least in my mind, alongside other animations such as Meet The Robinsons, George Shrinks! and, oddly enough, Samurai Jack. It was a slice of life, mixed with action and adventure, and some elements of horror? Which... ended up distinguishing itself from other similar “crime fighting teenagers” like Kim Possible, Teen Titans, or W.I.T.C.H. As a result, this show dealt with a lot of common problems and themes that teenagers faced in very odd ways, all under the guise of an action, sci-fi show.

So let’s have a little bit of a history lesson, shall we?

Back in the late 90′s, Nickelodeon began to host a show that was called Oh Yeah! Cartoons which has been called TV’s biggest animation development program ever. Dozens of filmmakers were contracted by Nickelodeon to create 7 minute cartoons that would be spliced together into a half-hour time-slot. This “show” would then air on television and depending on the approval ratings of the audience, these cartoon shorts would then be commissioned into a TV show for Nick. Producing nearly 100 of these cartoon shorts, this “animation laboratory” would jumpstart many individuals’ careers in the industry such as Seth MacFarlane, Vincent Waller, Dave Wasson, and Butch Hartman.

One such individual would be a man named, Rob Renzetti with a short titled, My Neighbor Was A Teenage Robot. Due to very high approval ratings, Nickelodeon commission for the show and would later on be titled, My Life As a Teenage Robot. It aired in 2003 and was eventually cancelled after 3 seasons (ironically) due to poor ratings.

So for our premise!

Jenny (or, XJ-9, as her mother calls her) is a crime-fighting, superhero robot who dreams of being a teenage girl just like other human beings. However, she has to juggle her duties as a superhero and her social life as a teenager, which leads wacky shenanigans, problems, and overall, grief  for Jenny as she attempts to fit in. She’s partnered with her friends Brad and Tuck as they tag along on her adventures, and she even has an admirer named, Sheldon, who tries to woo her in his own awkward way. She fights monsters, aliens, and a robot queen named, Vexus who is trying to recruit Jenny her robot world the planet Cluster Prime, while also dealing with the Crust Cousins who are out to destroy Jenny’s social reputation. Can a girl ever catch a break?

These episodes are broken up into 2 eleven minute segments with problems that are usually resolved by the end of the episode. There isn’t so much of a “continuity” per se, but there are episodes that reference earlier ones so while you can dive right in with any old episode you want, I’d keep in mind which one I’m choosing.

So on the whole how did this series hold up?

Well, the first several episodes are pretty shaky. Although the visuals were very unique to watch and the soundtrack was entertaining to listen to, I felt that some of the episodes weren’t all that entertaining. The problems felt fairly realistic, or at least believable for a “teenage robot,” however, it was easy to tell that the creators were still figuring out what they wanted to do with this series. What kind of character did they want to make Jenny? What kind of dynamic did they want the support cast to be like? What kind of bad guys did they want Jenny to go up against? And as a result, some of the early episodes suffered in quality. Overall, I felt like the first season, especially a lot of the first half, was simply establishing the status quo of the series. Yet, in spite of this, there were several episodes that I felt that the series really hit its stride and gave a solid balance of uniqueness and familiarity that left me both intrigued for more and very entertained with the product I’ve received.

There were some episodes that left me simply... disturbed. Two of them being Attack of 5 and 1/2 ft. Geek and The Return of the Raggedy Android. Some of you might remember the second one as the skin episode... (And if you don’t, consider yourself blessed...) With Attack of the 5 and 1/2 ft. Geek, Jenny has a screw loose in her arm and solicits the help of Sheldon to fix her problem. Having a large passion for robotics, Sheldon is not only happy to help but also becomes extremely infatuated with Jenny after she saves him. Extremely infatuated. To the point of stalking her. And showering her with unnecessary gifts. The others kids at school even laugh at her and bully her for her newfound “boyfriend.” Jenny is obviously embarrassed and uncomfortable and finds any excuse to get away from him. Eventually, she gets a call from her mother saying that there’s a gang downtown (the Lonely Heart’s Club, btw) which is causing havoc and requires her assistance. With Sheldon following her every move, the gang gets very jealous of Sheldon and Jenny’s “relationship” and kidnaps Sheldon. Jenny has to swoop in and save him, having also finally snapped at having Sheldon being called her boyfriend. She goes off, calling Sheldon creepy, a stalker, and a host of other things that are not only accurate, but legitimate concerns that any other teenage girl would have in such a situation. Sheldon is hurt and in a weird turn of events, he saves Jenny after she gets captured during her rant. The episode ends with Jenny apologizing about what she said and says that maybe they can hang out sometime... as friends. Just... friends. Sheldon goes on to be a recurring character of the series, causing a lot of shenanigans and other problems as a result of his infatuation.

Since the series ended with Jenny never establishing a relationship with either Brad nor Sheldon, many speculate as to which one she would have started dating. Although there aren’t any definitive answers from the team about who would have ended up with, the team appears to favor Sheldon as a candidate. Which... I find very problematic.

Sheldon stalked her, made her uncomfortable, and through the course of the series, lied to her, toyed with her emotions, and caused her much emotional grief. And yet, she’s supposed to apologize to Sheldon for being so “cruel” even though she was voicing some legitimate concerns about his conduct, and eventually end up with him as a boyfriend? Nuh-uh. No bueno. That’s not exactly something you should be teaching little girls. If she is uncomfortable being around him, she shouldn’t be obligated to hang out with him--- even if it hurts his feelings. And by remaining friends with him, she’s using him for upgrades her mother denies; stringing him along with the possibility of being “more than friends”; and overall, setting up an uncomfortable situation for both of them to be in. I don’t see how that’s okay to promote that kind of relationship to any kid. It’s just simple wish fulfillment and for a TV show that will be shown to children, that’s not okay. Keep it in your personal diary, or on your personal computer, because promoting this sort of relationship is extremely toxic and I don’t approve. At all.

Now... the infamous skin episode...

The basic problem of the episode is that Jenny wants to hang out at teenage hotspot called Mezmer’s. However, the owner of the shop won’t allow her in because she’s a robot. Remembering the freakish false skin that her mother designed her several episodes before, she attempts to reuse it after having received several upgrades to make it more believable. And it works! She becomes beautiful! More popular! She even gets to dance with Don Prima, the local heartthrob that Jenny has a crush on! Overall, she’s simply... normal. However, the second-skin seems to have a life of its own and puts itself on in Jenny’s sleep. It coaxes her to be more normal, to stop fighting crime, to focus on her beauty and her looks because that’s what a normal girl does. But once Brad becomes endangered by an intergalactic biker gang that threats destroy the shop, Jenny sheds her new skin and learns to accept herself for all her imperfections and unique personality traits. Because that’s what’s truly normal about her.

This episode was probably the most prominent that I remembered watching as a kid. And for a good reason too... This. Episode. Was. Horrifying! I’m not even kidding! Rewatching this as an adult, I kept thinking to myself “This is a children’s show?!?” One of the first interactions that we see with this new skin is that it claws its way up Jenny’s body while she shouts, “I can’t breathe!”

Later on, we see the exoskin crawl its way across Jenny’s floor and attack her like a snake while she sleeps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJjJmGv6ztY

(The video is pretty poor quality, but it’s the only one I can find.)

What. The. Fuck.

Oh, but it’s alright because she sheds the skin in the end and everything returns to a relative normal.

Except for the fact that the ending implies that the skin takes another victim and survives. Yeah. IT’S A REAL THING.

The message that the episode taught was great. It’s a message that teenage girls really do need to hear: that you have your own normal and that trying to be others’ version of “normal” can end up changing who you really are and up taking away all of the cool, badass qualities that make you, well, you. The problem is that this episode is so terrifying how the hell do you show this to kids?!? The fact that I remembered this episode so vividly despite the fact that I haven’t seen this show since it aired is a testament to the fact that it I probably shouldn’t have watched it as a child. I just... I’m baffled on how this got made! It’s... just... *shivers.*

I mean, questionable episodes aside, the show itself was interesting. The visuals were certainly unique and interesting to watch. The character designs were so original and iconic that going back and watching the original cartoon short, it’s kind of crazy that they weren’t always like that. The soundtrack, sound effects, even some of the voice acting was enjoyable the listen to. As I said before, it has a very 50′s aesthetic with a futuristic twist, which gives it this odd balance between feeling dated but also surprisingly modern. The backgrounds appear to be hand-painted, which is probably the reason for its dated look; I think it was a rather nice touch. I honestly have to give it to the sound effects department for being so on top of the little noises and such for every little movement Jenny made. It really created a sense of life in the character and I really did appreciate it in the small moments. I will have to say though, going back and watching this series, it didn’t exactly age as well as I had hoped. There were some nice episodes that I enjoyed but many of the episodes I found were pretty mediocre at best. Maybe it’s simply because I’ve gotten older and many of the jokes/gags just weren’t funny anymore. Maybe it’s because the characters themselves were simply 2-dimensional at best and dealt with stereotypical teenage problems. I’m not sure but really, I just wasn’t amused. Now, maybe I just need to watch more of this series as it appears to be a bit of a slow burn but really I’m just not that hype to jump on rewatching it.

If I had to rate this show, I’d probably give it a 6.8 out of 10. 

I’ll probably sit down and rewatch all of this at some point; after all, it seems decent enough. But really, if I never watch it again, I wouldn’t be too upset. It’s pretty much what I’d call “bubble gum TV;” if I want to turn on something mindless for a little while, I’d probably watch it but I wouldn’t be too invested. It’s just pretty... bland.

I think a lot of people have a bit of rose-tinted goggles when looking at this show and as such, it becomes kind of hard to criticize it. Does it deserve to be forgotten? Not necessarily. But I don’t think that it’s really as great as a lot of people think of it to be.

As for me, I’m gonna put this back in the shelves of my vault to watch one day. But when that day will be? We’ll just have to wait around and see what happens.

[Edit 11/21/118: I’m testing out a new tagging system. Let’s see if this fixes the broken links issues.]

If there are any corrections you’d like to make in regards to this post, please feel free to send me a message with your corrections and I’ll get back to it as soon as I can!

Do you remember a cartoon your friends have never heard of? Got a scene from an animated film that you’re dying to know the name to? Send your questions to The Cartoon Archivist and I’ll see what I’ve got in the vault!

[theperksofbeingatotalnerd]

Halloween Party

So, I had this idea in my head for a while now, and decided to write it! Hope you enjoy it!

You can read it in AO3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12555772

Harry yawned. It had been a rough day. Nothing made him happier than his job as an Auror, but things usually got a bit hectic. Now, he was sitting at his favourite Indian place, waiting for his two friends to arrive. Soon enough, he heard his friends walking through the door.

 - “Hey Harry!”

 - “Hey guys!”

 Hermione and Ron sat down and started going through the menu, even though they both knew they’d end up ordering what they always did.

 - “How was work?” Hermione asked.

 - “Mental, actually. Had to deal with some pretty nasty business involving two Dark Wizards.”

 - “You do look tired.” Ron stated.

 - “I’ll definitely head out to bed early, I’m wrecked. How was your day?”

 - “A bit full. George just developed a new love potion and the shop was crowded with people wanting to buy it.”

 - “I had a pretty busy day at the Ministry too. Loads of paperwork.”

 They continued the light chatter, as they ordered their food. Some time during the meal, Hermione suddenly exclaimed:

 - “Oh! I almost forgot! You guys know Halloween is next week, right?”

 - “I honestly didn’t even remember it.” Harry said.

 - “I do. We already have loads of new items in stock for the occasion.” Ron said.

 - “Right. Well, some of our former peers at Hogwarts are organising a party, and they want us all to go! Everyone we know has been invited. And apparently, the main idea is for all of us to choose a magical costume.”

 - “A magical costume? Of what sort?” Harry asked.

 - “It’s meant to be a costume that won’t reveal your identity. It’s rather brilliant, actually. I had already read about it, but now we get to use it! What do you think?”

 - “Sure, why not?” Ron said.

 - “Seems like fun.” Harry said.

 They continued to discuss the details for the party as they finished their plates.

 -

The day had finally arrived. Harry was rather proud of his costume. He had struggled to get it right at first, but he managed, mainly due to Hermione’s impeccable spellwork. He was a werewolf in its human form. It was very subtle, but his hair was slightly longer, he had grown a beard, his eyes were a completely different shade of green, artificial almost, he was bulkier (he had already put on some muscle due to his intense work, but this made it much more prominent) and he had a scar that crossed his whole face. He couldn’t help but reminisce to his years at Hogwarts, as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. It pained him to think about his third year, in which he had met two of the most important people in his life. Werewolves had always intrigued him, and after meeting Remus, he felt like it was an appropriate costume. Emotions were starting to get the best of him when he heard a soft knock on the bathroom door.

 - “Are you ready, mate?”

 - “Yeah, I’ll be right out!”

 He fixed himself up and joined his friends in the living room. Their costume was astonishing. They were going as Nicolas Flamel and his wife, Perenelle. Everything had been put brilliantly together, to the smallest detail.

 - “Shall we go?” Hermione asked.

 “Sure.”

 The three of them apparated to the entrance of the house the party was being held in.

 “Let’s do this.”

 They all walked into the house. They were immediately greeted by a merman.

 - “Hiya, guys!”

 - “Hi, Seamus!” Hermione greeted him.

 - “Seamus?” Harry asked, rather incredulously.

 - “Yup, that’s me! Isn’t this great?” Seamus was grinning widely. They just nodded. Apparently, Seamus had been one of the people that had organized the party, and he had told Hermione what he was going as.

 - “How are things with Dean?” Harry asked.

 - “Never been better. We actually just moved in together!”

 It had been no surprise to see that Seamus had ended up dating his Hogwarts best friend, Dean Thomas. They had always been close, and everyone could tell there was a lot more than just friendship between the two of them.

 Seamus kept talking about his life for quite a while, until they all decided to part ways. Both Ron and Hermione went straight to the dance floor, while Harry decided to head out to the bar. After a tiring week, he could really use a drink. He took one of the seats that were available, and asked for a glass of Firewhiskey.

- “Make that two.” said the man beside him. Harry couldn’t believe his eyes. The man was just about the most gorgeous thing Harry had ever laid his eyes on. He was meant to be a vampire. He had platinum blonde hair, that was perfectly slicked back, icy blue eyes, an incredibly defined jawline, and a pair of prominent fangs. The corners of his lips were covered in blood, that was dangerously dripping all the way down to his chin. He was wearing a black suit, with a white shirt. He smiled at him.

 Draco was completely stunned. The man that had just asked for a glass of Firewhiskey was breath-taking. A werewolf in its human form. Bright green eyes, that somehow reminded him of something, but he had no idea what it was, and quite frankly, at that moment he didn’t care, soft black hair, a stupidly sexy beard and possibly the most defined biceps he’d seen. Gathering some courage, he smiled at him, and said:

 - “Quite the party, huh?”

 - “Indeed.”

 - “May I ask, how old are you?” Draco was curious.

 - “21, you?”

 - “Also 21! What are the odds? Did you go to Hogwarts?”

 - “I did! Did you?” Harry couldn’t believe this could be someone he had gone to school with.

 - “I did too. That means we have crossed paths before.” Draco was intrigued, yet terrified. This could be anyone.

 - “Who are you?” Harry asked.

 - “Why spoil all the fun? Let’s keep it this way.” Draco had decided that he didn’t care about the man’s identity. He could be Neville bloody Longbottom for all he cared. He was attracted to him, and that was all.

 - “Sure.” Harry realised he truly didn’t care about who he was talking to. He just wanted to have some fun.

 They stood by the bar, drinking Firewhiskey and talking about everything that crossed their minds, for over an hour. Then, Draco grabbed Harry by the hand and dragged him to the dance floor.

 - “I’m not a very good dancer!” Harry shouted, over the loud music.

 - “Me neither, who cares?” Draco yelled.

 They both started swaying their bodies to the beat of the song that was playing. It felt exhilarating. Harry could feel the rush of adrenaline coursing through him. He was currently dancing with the most stunning man he’d ever seen, and he was genuinely enjoying himself.

 Maybe it was the light that was softly glowing over the other man’s complexion, maybe it was the rush of adrenaline that he was feeling, maybe it was the Firewhiskey, or maybe it was the combination of the three, but Harry decided he didn’t really care and just leaned into the man before him and put his lips on his. Their tongues met immediately, dancing around each other, wanting to savour everything the other had to offer. Harry had never kissed anyone like him. He could feel the fire burning through him. He wanted more. Just as if the other man had read his mind, he pulled Harry close by wrapping his arms around his waist, deepening the kiss. It became unbearable. Harry stopped the kiss and pulled the other man’s hand, heading towards one of the corners of the room in order to find some quiet place where they could be alone. He soon found an unoccupied bathroom. In just 3 seconds, Harry was locking the door and pushing the other man against the sink, making him sit there while wrapping his legs around Harry’s waist. They both continued the kiss. Soon, he felt the other man’s hands on his hair, gently tugging, as if asking him to move closer, even if they were already completely pressed against one another. The other man then started kissing Harry’s jaw, gently making his way down to his neck, where he started sucking and biting, making Harry moan. Harry went back to kissing him, putting his hands under the other man’s shirt, rubbing circles on his hips. Harry didn’t want it to stop. He wanted to be there with this stranger forever.

 After some more kissing, they parted. Harry was ready to take this somewhere else when he heard a gasp. The other man was looking at him in complete shock. Harry barely had time to register what was happening, before the other man ran to the door, quickly unlocking it and stepping out. He then looked at the mirror, and realised he wasn’t the unknown werewolf anymore. He was himself again. The spell had worn off, like he knew it would, even though he had completely forgot about it. He ran out the door, trying to find the other man, without succeeding. He wasn’t inside the house. Harry then tried to go outside, to see if he could see the other man. Then he saw him. Draco Malfoy, sitting on a bench, with his hands in his head, covering his face. And then he realised it. The man he had been with had been Malfoy. He knew the platinum blonde hair was familiar, but he hadn’t given it much thought.

 - “Malfoy…”

 - “Go away, Potter!”

 - “No, I won’t. I want to talk.”

 - “Fine, if you won’t leave then I will!” Draco started to get up to leave but Harry held his arm.

 - “Please hear me out! What happened in there was…”

 - “Insane!” Draco yelled.

 - “It was amazing! Malfoy, I had never felt anything like that in my whole life. And don’t tell me you didn’t feel it too, I could tell by the way you were kissing me!”

 - “Fine, Potter, I felt it too, what do you want me to say? We can’t do this!”

 - “Why the hell not? We parted ways on good terms at the end of our last year at Hogwarts. I know you and I weren’t exactly friends throughout our school years, but I understand what you went through and why you did what you did. I don’t resent you, and I know you don’t resent me either. Why can’t we do this?”

 “I… Potter, you do realise this sounds completely insane, don’t you?”

 - “I do, but so what? Isn’t that what our lives have been for the past years? What’s a bit more insanity to it, after everything we’ve been through? The conversation we had back there at the bar, I had never felt so comfortable with someone, ever! And that kiss… I might be completely irrational about this right now, but I don’t really care. What do you say?”

 - “I… We…”

 Harry stepped forward, looking into the familiar grey eyes. He gently rubbed his thumb over Draco’s bottom lip. Draco couldn’t resist and lightly sucked it. That made Harry smile.

 - “Malfoy, I…” He didn’t have time to finish the sentence because Draco’s lips were on his. It was gentler this time, each taking their time to feel the other. Harry put his arms around Draco’s neck, as Draco’s hands reached for Harry’s waist.

  Soon, all that could be heard was a loud pop. Harry had apparated them to his house. It was going to be a long night.

[brandxspandex]

How and when did you get into Transformers? What are your favorite characters and pairings so far?

I was always vaguely aware that Transformers existed viacultural osmosis; I saw the toys and car decals and the like around the placeoften enough. When I was a teen I had some friends who were getting into G1,Beast Wars and Armada at the time, and would tell me stuff about it that got meintrigued. The information I got about Armada Starscream was particularlyinteresting to me because this was at the point where I had started to developa fascination with redeemable villains. I saw the first couple of episodes ofG1 with these friends when their older sister took us to her university towatch a screening by the sci-fi club there. It was fricking hilarious; by thescene where some Autobot was rubbing a guy’s back, looking like he was drillinghim from behind, everyone had lost it. I had already lost it by the bit where twoasteroids improbably crashed into each other right near the beginning; for some reason thatwas really funny to me at the time. This was all shortly before the firstBayformers film came out, so I was getting pretty pumped to see it and get aproper introduction to the modern franchise. I went to see the film with the aforementionedfriends, pretty excited to see interesting robot characters embedded infascinating sci-fi space fantasy lore. Then I left having more or less lost myinterest in the franchise.

Seven years later I had another good friend who was gettinginto Transformers who told me some stuff about Transformers Prime and the IDWcomics here and there. It occasionally sounded vaguely interesting but notenough to make me want to investigate it any further. Then that friend hosted amovie night where they insisted on showing the G1 Transformers film, which Iwas actually pretty pumped for because I was keen to relive thatmagical night watching G1 with a bunch of rowdy uni students from all those years ago. Ohboy, the G1 movie did not disappoint on that front. Everything about it wasjust a glorious succession of 80s-flavoured wut.My favourite part was how the 80s power ballads were absolutely non-stopthroughout the entire damn thing. Just…glorious.

My friend took my enthusiasm over the utter ridiculousness ofthe film to be enthusiasm for the franchise itself, so they decided to make mewatch Transformers Prime, which I was initially kinda grumpy about because Iwanted to keep watching Space Dandy, but then that first Vechicon appeared and Iwas just “oh well hello there 👀”.Then Starscream showed up with that voice, and those legs, and heels,and claws, and that scene where he transforms mid swan dive, and thoseexpressive animations (which only got better when they started making his wingsemote), and his general ridiculousness interspersed with moments of genuinely cool/terrifyingbadassery and hints of character depth. I loved him. I think I was somewhatpredisposed towards being interested in Starscream from the get go because of theseeds of intrigue that were planted when I was a teen, but even though myfriend told me that this version of Starscream didn’t go through the redemptionarc of his Armada counterpart, he happened to hit pretty much every other villaintrope I loved anyway. Also, he may have remained a villain, but he did havesome interesting moments that suggested that there was more to his character.

Starscream is definitely my favourite character in TFP but Ilove pretty much all the Decepticons. The Autobots are good too, but man, Ilove me dem ‘cons; they look evilly gorgeous, all have magnificent voices, andare all their own special flavour of ridiculous. My favourite stories are usuallythose with complex characters and plots, that stray far away from black andwhite portrayals of morality, but I’ve gotta be honest, sometimes I just reallywant a completely ridiculous, over-the-top tale featuring utterly absurd andnutty villains, and that’s the main button TFP hit for me (that and thosegorgeous robot designs). That being said, like TFP Starscream, TFP itselfshowed a lot of hints at a potential to be more complex and interesting than itwas, which was both super intriguing and super frustrating. Ultimately there area lot of things I loved about TFP, but I could never bring myself to call it a great show overall, because it wastedway too many great opportunities in terms of both plot and character development.If it had taken half of those chances it could have been amazing.

My favourite ship in TFP is Megatron/Starscream, initiallyfor the same primary reason I enjoyed the TFP Decepticons in general - just theridiculous, campy, over-the-top villainy of their dynamic. If you view theirrelationship through a lens of realism, then yeah, it’s absolutely horrendousrather than entertaining, but if you view them as villainous archetypesinhabiting crazy vaudevilleland rather than realistic people, then it takes ona very different flavour. That being said, again there were suggestions of amore complex element to their relationship that once more got me more deeply intriguedwhilst leaving me frustrated at canon’s failure to plumb these depths. I alsoreally enjoyed Knock Out and Starscream’s relationship, although I think I’multimately more interested in it as it as was portrayed in canon, rather thanas a ship. The show itself laid groundwork between Megatron and Optimus that Ibecame interested in when it was explored in fanfic, and I gotta admit thatAirachnid and Arcee’s relationship intrigued me if only for how thoroughlyfucked up it was and how pretty they both were. But honestly, if there’s a TFP shipthat involves Decepticons being ridiculous then I’d probably be somewhatinterested in it.

After I finished TFP I was hungry for more Transformerscontent, which I went looking for on tumblr, and I think that’s how I ended up comingacross panels from the IDW comics. My reaction was pretty much, “Wait, these are the comics? They’re modern?And that’s not edited? That’s actuallyhappening??? What the hell I gotta readthe shit outta these!!!” So I did, and suddenly everything I’d wantedfrom the Transformers franchise since I’d developed my first preconceptions asa teenager was mine. The complex characters, the trippy space fantasy, the deepworldbuilding and lore, it was everything I could have hoped for. What asatisfying experience, my god.

My favourite character in IDW is Starscream, who is also myfavourite Transformer overall now, and with his recent development thatassociation that was implanted in my teenage brain between Starscream andredemption arcs is finally paying off (to some extent anyway). Megatron is alsoespecially interesting to me in IDW since he’s such a multilayered character(even if those layers don’t always synergise as well as I feel they could).Starscream and Megatron’s relationship is again deeply fascinating to me in IDW,although since they’re in what to me feels like a more serious setting I can’tenjoy it so much on the “haha campy villains” level, rather it’s much more about how darkly complex their dynamic is. Megatron’s relationship with Optimusis also especially engrossing to me in this setting since they’re very much anexample of really intense and obsessive arch-nemeses. Speaking of Optimus,whilst I wouldn’t go quite so far to call him a favourite of mine at thispoint, I do like the direction he’s being taken in the comics at the moment, where he’s making really contentious decisions for the greater good.

I would go so far to call Thundercracker a favourite of minethough; not only was he a villain with a redemption arc, but he became anendearing dork with a comical misunderstanding of humanity. I love everythingabout all of those things. I also love his relationship with Marissa; I wouldwatch the hell out a sitcom featuring such an odd couple. I also really lovethe IDW take on Shockwave; most Shockwaves are pretty great, but this one’s reallymessed up backstory, together with his batshit insane plan in Dark Cybertron,made him amazing. Arcee became an unexpected favourite of mine after she calmedthe hell down to become hilariously awkward and matter-of-fact under the pen ofJohn Barber.

Bumblebee and Windblade have also really been growing on melately, largely through their association with Starscream, which has broughtout more and more interesting aspects of their characters. For instance, I lovethe snarky smugness Bee has around Starscream, but I love the fact that he hascome to feel seemingly genuine affection for someone he hated for so long evenmore. As for Windblade, I love how her increasing ruthlessness culminated inthat smirk of approval from Starscream as she laid out her plan to seize Carcer;I can’t get enough of utterly opposed characters who grow increasingly similar(and increasingly close) as they’re forced to work together. Honestly I ship Starscreamwith each of them more and more every time they interact.

So anyway, this has been my backstory episode.

[0chazuke]

About Pokemon: I choose you! The Movie (non-spoilers version) *small edit: 18/Jul*

Salt or not, you should watch it - it is hard to criticize the experience only by reading spoiler notes/plot reviews. Go watch the movie without much expectations, even with some (big?) flaws it is quite an entertaining film. 

If you love Ash and Pikachu’s friendship, I’m pretty sure you will enjoy this - their relationship is indeed the big deal of the movie. Their voice actresses do an incredible job in this movie, it is worth to note how much their talent make a huge difference in the quality of the movie. The animation has some really pretty scenes and cool battles, I loved how expressive Ash and Pikachu were!

M20 is also a good treat for fans of the original series soundtrack, it has some nice rearranges of the old time classics! Plus so many references from previous movies!

Many people cried during many parts of the film, I noticed also some surprised gasps and bursts of laughter around/in front of my seat range too. I missed watching flawed Ash.... And, oh, he does answer what does a "Pokemon Master" mean this time lol.

On the other hand, the plot and the pacing… are a big mess. Too much info, not enough time to develop each thread, then it ends in a very rushed way. No wonder why I ended up with so many mixed feelings about the whole thing, hahaha, I personally wouldn’t rank it as my favorite pokemon movie but… I don’t think it is also as awful as some people have claimed xD

It is indeed a very strange experience, for instance… New characters are not bad, they have some background and personality - I’d say they are fitting and likeable but also kinda of pointless at the same time? Or, another example, emotional scenes are intense but they are also solved so quickly that is barely no time to let the info sink lol. IMO this film was better than the last recent movies, it’s like “well, M20 was really nice, I’m not mad but it had potential to be much better - but still, it was very fun, go watch it”? Please try watching it!

So many people in the movie theater - both kids and adults… also, so many 3ds devices lol (Marshadow is a gift through local wireless network. They included a short announcement at the start/end of the movie by Shokotan-Joy reminding us of that!). I’m happy that I got Marshadow and also a Ga-ole card with Movie!Hat Pikachu - it can be converted to Pokemon USUM in the future…

I’m still unsure which Hat-chu should I redeem with my ticket code. Maybe AG one?

Oh, (long) ramblings and spoilers after this cut:

Spoiler talk:

I don’t think Pikachu’s speaking scene was as bad as some people said… I thought that was very emotional and meaningful? It is very ambiguous scene, I saw that moment as Ash understanding Pikachu’s pokemon words with full clarity, he was so weak (c'mon boy was exhausted lol) and I don’t think Pikachu literally spoke in human language… The atmosphere kinda implies it is something only Ash could understand that instant, like the blurred and muffled sounds.

I really like Ash and Pikachu and I guess anyone who has/had a partner like that might get emotional over that. Ugh, maybe it’s Ootani’s acting… idk, either way that crushed my heart really badly. I surprisingly got much more emotional about it than I thought I would, even after being bombed with pre-screening spoilers.

^few minutes before I was honestly wanting to laugh/cringe at MARSHADOW WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING and the UGH incineroar’s PELVIC BELT FIRE ATTACKS WHY DID YOU REMIND US OF THAT DETAIL FROM THE GAMES DDDD: 

Convoluted plot much? Yamachan is a nice Marshadow! But… Kinda too bad the Pokemon itself in the story is really confusing. Pacing is also weird, felt like the plot is too long and suddenly close to the end they had to wrap it up in a rush? I thought it was nice in a way that you don’t get bored because things go nonstop, however it would definitely work better as a short TV series than a single movie.

They must really like those guest celebrities to create the two new rushed Please!DPPremake!characters. I do think the movie would work better with Ash and Pikachu traveling alone - for example, Bonji could easily sometimes fill the gaps the role of the two companions are meant to be… I mean, Souji and Makoto are nice, but still… Ugh, it does feels a bit like they were forced to be there.

I hope you like Entei better than Suicune and Raikou lol. It’s like… The first one is a badass and the other two are simply… there. Suicune only appears to Makoto and they exchange glances... and that's all.

Team Rocket’s cameos are very short but cute. I liked the best the one at the beginning, at the Pokemon Center, when Joy goes"omg those guys!!!“ and instead of attacking the place, TRio just leave excited like the other kids "yaaaaay Entei!!!” XD

I apparently wasn’t the only one who was confused about Marshadow’s intentions in that movie. Judging by the viewers’ reactions, I noticed a lot of people were confused about it… Even understanding Japanese language didn’t help much tbh.

Going back to Ho-Oh and Marshadow, I didn’t get it at first, but… 

…Well, Ash got one of Ho-Oh’s feather and it kept shining with bright colors because he has a good heart - if the feather gets dark, according to the legend, it is thanks to humans being evil, which results in things going really bad, right?

Marshadow knows that black feather = not good - that’s why when Ash is blinded by frustration and the feather gets darker, he creates that dream world where Ash realizes how important Pikachu was for him and tries to find his partner even though he can’t remember him in that illusion world. It takes a while to Ash realize he was being reckless and stupid, but after he remembers and understand he was being stupid, he quickly wakes up and apologize to Pikachu with real regret, and the feather goes colorful again, right?

The second time the feather goes dark is when Cross snatch it from Ash’s hand and later on, Marshadow takes it and start destroying everything around it. Bonji tells Ash he should get his feather back asap or else Marshadow will never stop unleashing its power, right….

1) so you could say Marshadow is like a guardian that creates a trial for those who bear the rainbow feather, ensuring pokemon are safe from evil people/good people can meet Ho-Oh (does it mean when Ash “dies”, he actually goes under Marshadow’s trial and he quickly returns to the real world due to his bond to Pikachu?)

ooor

2) Marshadow actually a sneaky little chaotic pokemon that is very aware that when the feather gets dark, it is its opportunity to snatch it and unleash its power. That explains why dark feather = bad stuff happens and why Marshadow stop hitting the humans and fades away after the dark feather in its hands disappears and reappears as a colored feather in Ash’s hand)

So… Which one is the actual thing, 1 or 2?

I’m not planning to watch it a second time soon, but let’s see if someone else does it and help us figuring out the plot lol. It’s probably easier to understand it after a second view (I mean, I HOPE SO lol).

About specific stuff I was asked on Tumblr, in no particular order:

Oh, the credits with old characters was not a full screen part… Only a small portion of the screen. They all begin as shadowed figures that look at the camera, reveling their full bodies. The background is the same for all characters.

Misty was riding her bike! May tied her bandanna! Clemont’s glasses were shining! Serena kept her old looks, everybody had their original clothes and style… TRACEY! o/

Max appeared together with May and Bonnie appeared together with Clemont.

I was very intrigued that only (cute upside down) Iris and Serena were smiling in their respective scenes… Everybody else looked slightly surprised/confused somewhat? So odd. :/

While Makoto is checking out her “smartphone”, after some pictures of her friends (we can see that Souji is the one who cooks for the trio) and their pokemon we can see her mother’s picture (+Piplup and Empoleon). Yeah, possibly Cynthia - she’s missing the trademark hairclips and the hair color is slightly darker… but that long peculiar hair is quite similar to that character… Plus Makoto herself hints "my hometown (Twinleaf - Sinnoh) has a very famous trainer..."

The teacher inside the classroom of IRL Ash was Agatha, wasn’t it?

Professor Oak has a Squirtbottle.

Souji is seen spotting an Articuno at the end of the movie. Meanwhile, Makoto explains she will go back home to see her mother.

Ah, close to the end I remember seeing the Alolan starters animated - sorry, I don't remember when exactly but it was before the credits, when Ash and Pikachu already said goodbye to Souji and Makoto.

The Lapras is not Ash's, it's Makoto's. She kisses the pokeball before throwing it...

Pikachu's spoken lines: "ずっと一緒にいたいから" (zutto issho ni itai kara): Because I wants to be with you, always.

Oh, Ash does define what does it mean to him to be a pokemon master: to become a friend of all pokemon in the world!

[hydraelwrites]

Welcome back to our ongoing series about things to ask your Beta readers. Check out last week’s post, questions about characterization.

This week, we delve into the nuts and bolts of your book – the plot, the conflicts, and the structure. I’m focusing on this in order of what is most essential for a story. Good characters can carry a bad story better than anything else, and poorly handled characters will kill an otherwise good story like a knife to a heart. If you survive the character challenge, however, the next thing that will choke your story to death is if it falls apart in the analysis.

What’s interesting about these kinds of structural things is, if you do them well, the reader won’t notice them. Outside of the most hardcore bookworms, most people don’t praise a book for having good pacing, or a well-drawn conflict. Plot is really the only thing that most people will talk and care about. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t notice them. Think of the structural stuff like the CGI in a movie – if it’s well done, you’ll completely overlook it. If it’s poorly done, it will be painfully obvious. And if it’s amazingly done, it will draw attention for all the right reasons

Look at those claws. Look at them. (from Screenrant)

Let’s get to the questions you’ll want to ask.

What were any consistencies you noticed?

This is a broad question that covers a lot, and you’ll definitely want to plan some follow-up questions to make sure you hit all the angles it has to offer.

First of all is checking to make sure things besides characters were consistent throughout. Did the reader have a good sense of where things were and what was going on in them? Were there breaks in the internal consistency of your novel, or did it all hold together well? This will also cover plot holes, although you might want to read this post to decide when it’s actually important.

The next thing to check is if the things you meant to have consistent were, in fact, consistent. Did you have a symbol you wanted the reader to notice through repetition? This is where you check for that. Same goes for motifs or themes (which we’ll cover more later.) Were they noticeable enough?

Finally…this is also where you find out if you had repeated phrases or ‘ticks’ that were distracting or annoying. This one is easiest to explain with examples. When I was first starting off as a writer, I tended to have people quirk their eyebrows all the time. Surprised? Quirk an eyebrow. Curious? Quirk an eyebrow. Annoyed? Quirk an eyebrow. Flirty? Quirk that thing! Confused? How else do you express that besides quirking your damn eyebrow?

My characters walked around looking like this. Constantly.

It could get that bad. I once had, in a room with five characters having a conversation, every single one quirk their eyebrow at least once.

I fixed that particular tick years ago but developed a new one that my editor had to point out to me. In the first draft of Strange Cosmology, I had a habit of my characters only emoting through either their eyes or through smiling. Sometimes, occasionally, foreheads. I almost never utilized body posture, breathing patterns, or hand gestures. It’s something I’m working on currently, and it’s helping my characters feel even more human and organic.

What is the primary conflict of the book?

And after that complicated question, we’re moving onto a fairly straightforward one. Like the protagonist and antagonist question from last time, this one should be obvious to you. Odds are good you already know exactly what you have in mind for your primary conflict. However, that doesn’t mean the reader knows.

Let’s pick an example from a movie that just so happens to give me an excuse to use my favorite gif. What was the primary conflict on Spider-Man 3?

You didn’t think we were done with this, did you?

Was it Spider-Man vs Sandman? It can’t be that, because he spent the second act of the movie pretty much gone. Was it Spider-Man vs Venom? You’d think so, but Venom wasn’t actually a character until act three – and Venom becoming a character in act three meant that Spider-Man’s internal conflict with the symbiot definitely wasn’t the primary conflict, because it gets resolved before the climax. Also, Harry was an antagonist in that movie, although it made no damn sense and was just a mess even by Spider-Man 3’s standards.

If a beta-reader had been asked that question, they could have pointed out that the movie was a disaster in this regard. The movie should have picked one of those to be the primary conflict, then relegated the others to secondary or tertiary conflicts. This question will help you make sure you didn’t create a Spider-Man 3.

No one wants to create a Spider-Man 3. 

What would you call the climax of the book?

You might start picking up another trend here. These questions are a bit like what you might have answered in English class, and that’s not accidental.  Your reader should be able to break it down like a classroom assignment because anything they can’t answer is something you need to revisit.

This is especially true of the climax.

If your climax isn’t easy to spot, it doesn’t have the impact it needs. Perhaps it’s because you don’t have a clear primary conflict, or perhaps the climax doesn’t hit the way it should. Maybe you need to make the resolution clearer or ensure it has a solid impact. Or perhaps the problem isn’t in the climax itself.

If the reader points to the wrong thing as the climax, or can’t identify it, ask probing questions to find where you went wrong. Is it in the climax itself? Did you not build up to it properly?

That latter one is a common problem even among famous and talented authors. For example, I love Brandon Sanderson’s books. However, they sometimes have…problems in the climax. My personal favorite example is for Elantris. I’ve talked about this before, but Brandon Sanderson spent the entire book building up an interesting political conflict and an intriguing mystery. Then, right at the climax we are introduced to…well, I don’t want to spoil, so imagine that season 8 of Game of Thrones had ended with a sudden attack by Xenomorphs, and the climactic battle had been Drogon vs. the Xenomorphs. That’s how out of the blue it felt.

Although admittedly, that would have been rad as hell. 

Also, I got through that entire segment without making a joke about climaxes. I just wanted to get proper recognition for that.

What were the themes of the book?

It’s a bit of writing wisdom that revision is where you develop the themes. That’s very true, but when you’re writing a book themes tend to begin to emerge organically, especially in the early drafts. Unless you’re actively avoiding putting in themes, you’re going to have some part of your story develop them – and even if you were, they probably still arose.

For an example I’ve cited before, J.R.R. Tolkien famously said that he “disliked allegory in all its forms.” Yet so many people have pointed out that there is a clear theme of naturalism vs industrialization, especially in The Two Towers. 

Literal trees tearing apart a dam to flood a city that has stripped away all forest in the area? Yeah, no allegory here at all. 

This is where you check your themes. If you put some in deliberately, it’s good to know that they can be identified. You’ll still want to strengthen them in the revision process, but if you were writing a dystopia where the evil government controls its citizens through hypnotic cat videos, and you’re trying to make a point about how much time we spend online, it’d be good to know that you’d laid the groundwork properly.

On the other hands, if you weren’t trying to introduce any particular theme, it’s good to know what themes you were letting into your novel accidentally. Maybe those are the themes you want to develop in revisions to expand and give more depth too. Maybe, on the other hand, you’re accidentally including a theme you didn’t mean. For example…well, the Star Wars prequels are a fertile ground for bad writing decisions.

Stuff it, Binks. 

I don’t think George Lucas is racist. I don’t think he meant to code Jar Jar Binks as an offensive minstrel character straight out of the 1920’s, Watto as a flying greedy Jewish caricature, and the Trade Federation as a hodge-podge of Asian stereotypes. I’m sure that was not his intention.

And yet, this is where he would have found out that he’d actually done that, and thus created the accidental theme that other races are stupid or dangerous.

Which segues nicely into the last question you should ask your Beta Readers…

Was there anything that really bothered or offended you?

Never, ever skip this question. It’s vital to know if there’s something offensive in your books. For me personally, you know who I want to read every single one of my early drafts? A woman. Why? Because I’m a male, and I’ve read enough twitter threads about male authors writing women and how often it goes wrong. I don’t want to be that guy. If I’ve got male gaze going on, I want to know about it, and this question is where I could find out.

You never, ever want to be the kind of writer this person is mocking. 

Now, I’m not saying that something bothering someone or offending them means you should delete it or change it. These days, it’s very difficult to avoid offending someone. If you really want to see how hard it is, go to the review section of any major book and look for the one star reviews.

You’ll start seeing some that are offended in some way or another. Some people get offended because a book has too much swearing. Some get offended because it has any kind of sex scene. You’ll see people who take horrific offense to anything that depicts – even in a negative light – violence against children or animals. There will be people offended by too much violence. And if your book does none of those things, there will be people who are offended you’re ‘playing it safe.’

However.

Once you know where your book is offensive, if anywhere, you can make a decision about if you are going to leave it in or take it out. No matter what you find here, the important thing is to discuss it and be aware of it – you need to know what is offensive so you don’t do it accidentally. It should always be a conscious choice.

And once you know about it, you have to decide if you’re going to keep it. I’ve talked about this before, but in more vague terms. Let’s get blunt this time – In Weird Theology, my editor and I fought about two things. One was how much Enki swore, and one was about Crystal and Ryan having sex. Both parts bothered her. We really went back and forth about those two bits. By the time we were done, I realized she was absolutely right about removing Enki’s verbal tick of dropping the word ‘fuck’ at least once a sentence, but I stood by and stand by the fade-to-black sex scene – although I did agree that it needed the rewrites it got to work better.

The point is, you are the author. You have decisions to make. Ultimately, it is your work.

Just don’t let this one become something that happens by accident.

Come back in the future, where we will go over the last critical questions you ask your beta readers – how immersive your story is.

Any you’d like to add in this category? Tired of me using the Spider-Man 3 gif? For the first one, let me know in the comments below! For the second, all I have to say to that is…

And while you’re here, grab your free book. Dancing Spider-Man demands it. 

Things to Ask Your Beta Readers Part 2 – Analysis Welcome back to our ongoing series about things to ask your Beta readers. Check out last week’s post, …