#od drink with me
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Rules: put your music library on shuffle, then list the first five songs that come up in a poll to let people vote for their favourite!
Omg, thank you sm @octarineblues for tagging me, I'm always happy to be allowed to talk about music, ha.
Alright, let's see what we'll get!
and about the tags: @abignopefromme, @lunalunaris, feel free to join the game if you want, as well as anyone who stumbles upon this post by chance.
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Oh god, these are so random actually! But I'd say that I'm pretty happy with them, even though randomizing "Master of the house" out of all Les mis songs and aaaaaall the versions of them is... well... I don't even like this song that much.
I am however happy that "Tonight I Feel Like Kafka" found its way onto the list as it is one of my favourite songs ever!
Aannnnddd we also have a competitor from Poland - Lordofon!!
#poll#now here comes more of my opinions#get ready for a monologue#lets gooo#I love Florence + The Machine#especially but not only#dance fever#free is a banger#and so is king#and cassandra#and girls against god#les mis however#is probably my favourite musical#so its cool that its here#though i dont usually go around listening to the songs sung by the thenardiers for pleasure#dont get me wrong they are fun#but if they dont bring the spirit of the revolution into your heart#then whats the point#so i would usually do one day more#or red and black#od drink with me#or do you hear the people sing#or the finale epilogue or whatever its called in a given version#doomsday blue is quite random here#i dont really listen to bambi thug much#but my friend is a fan so#jealous of the birds!!!!#100% reccomend#i also love her mrs dalloway#but the parma violets album in general
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whatever these three had going on
#back on my hello world shit <3#i know this is long for tumblr but it's worth it believe me#the way they're pressed together despite clearly having so much more space#with seungmin's arm around junhan the whole time#then leaving his hand behind jungsu#the praise#the lollipop#sharing the drink over junhan's lap#i've watched this so many times it's embarrassing#why don't they have a trio name now i need to think of another one fml#i'll brainstorm#xdinary heroes#jungsu#ode xdinary heroes#junhan#jungjun#odehan#geonbanz#chewyvids
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i think it’s so bold for guys in relationships to expect u to a) respond & b) think ur going to meet while ur visiting like … u think i came here to sleep w some taken man ? 😭🤢
#stream#girl ur own man don’t even want u which is why yall ain’t fuckin#i’m so bitter#bc i’m tired & lonely & also without weed#& not allowed to drink bc it makes me too fucking dizzy w this medication#but it’s fine i’ve only had 150mg benadryl today so i’ve enough for tomorrow before idk#apparently it’s so easy to od on ???? it’s in top 15 drugs most od’d on ????? ALSLLSLLSKLALSLAKSLA LIKE WHAT#i still love benadryl idc
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Yesterday we did a lil game thing with presents. Idk the name, but basically, everyone who played bought a random gift with a specific price. We each picked a a random one and unwrapped them when everyone got one. Then we got to swap them out at least 2 times before we couldn't anymore.
I got bathbombs and never had to swap :D
#oh#also#today i got a lil gift basket#it had stuff to like pamper myself with#and Russian tea stuff that can be made cold or warm. im drinking that later#it also had a note that made me cry coz how nice it was#od ratns
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somedays i snack after midnight and the world suddenly seems alright
#and by snack i mean actually snacking not the measly sad excuse of dinner#oh btw i am pretty sure i am currently drinking someone else's share od thumbs up and there is going to be a sib fight tomorrow#and i will pretend not to know anything because i never steal their stuff usually 🤭#one no from me ane they'll be like yeah reasonable enough why do i like this idea sm currently#i need to sleep
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–– sai liuko, “and if you’re the life of the party i am the death”
#original poem#poem by ME#i got published!#my first ever published poem ever#anyway i'm really proud. i was losing my mind when i was accepted#poetryblr#the end of the party#my slow ascent from alcoholism#my love letter to the person i was.#in my 20s#god i miss drinking (and yet i don't)#my#indie sleaze#phase#the vibe is also...#so happy i could die#you know how she sings I LOVE THAT LAVENDER BLONDE.#it's this.#oh also#ode to the dance floor#i literally lifted one line out of that song into this poem. that was the vibe
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HE STILL HASNT FUCKING LEFT I WAS SUPPOSED TO START HIS ROOM 40 FUCKING MINITES AGO
#i have an extremely fucking time sensitive room. i fucking missed it last week and im gonna miss it again bc im literally supposed to start#my lunch rn but i fucking cant and this room will be at least 20 fucking minutes If not the full 40#and thats only once he leaves. which he might just take another fuckjng hour ughhh#im fucking rly pissed off dude i was doing fucking perfect today#abd normally od just clena while theyre in there but this guy makes me rly uncomfortabel#bc he kept trying to get me to help him open a wine bottle for him and o was like I dont know how to do that and he made fun of me#and then he ivited a random other resident in WHILE I WAS FUCKING CLEANING abd they got the bottle open#and then he was trying to get me to drink with him#and i was like on the verge of tears im ngl bc i was so stressed . so i dont wanna clean with him in there#but i cant complain even tho they like Said you have to tell management if a resident acts inappropriately. and theres supposed to be no#retribution. but apparently last year a girl reported a resident flirting with her and everybody treated her like she was the worst person#ever. bc now the guy doesnt ever leave his room. and that girl had 2 quit#and im like ok. Kills my
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i honestly . do not care if thry fire me atp lol
#i have a hunch im abt to lose my job Any Way. like#this shit is Wrapping Up Real Wuick. i worry abt a ban#bc whst the fuck where am i gonns go play pool and drink .#they have me in a crossroads swing here ill b So Real !#but its FINEEEEEEEEEE#ideally . i mive out in a plaxd big enough i can set up my dads pool table .#i daysream abt moving into a place like my ex's house bc Oh Man. Stunning Layout i miss it terribly#n there are other places open on wednesday and during the werkend if i do get offed#and itll only b for like a Month at most if they do. vut i doubr it honestly#slap a ban on me. and i will run t liquor licensing.#not that my word will do mych with No Proof but surely the fact that i work there is Enough.#my mgnr drinks on the fucking job fir fucksake. im willing to ridk my license for it frankly#she also does coke but thats heresay ive never seen her do it . however sourcr is reliable so .#and . it does make sense loklolol#laso i amnso iskc od workijg w the staff fromvthe other venue theyre so fucking irritsting#like theyrr good ppl dont get ms wrong i hust Hate The way they wirk and bartend
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how's everyone feeling this morning? because i had to see THESE PHOTOS


COMPARED AND I'M NOT BEING VERY BRAVE ABOUT IT
#something about this jungsu has always sent me to the floor in a crumpled heap#so cute in the behind video drinking coffee#WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MUCH CHEST OUT#WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE SO MUCH CHEST OUT#now with sumi? i'm dead i'm gone i'm done i've had enough geonbanz#xdinary heroes#jungsu#ode xdinary heroes#oh seungmin#geonbanz
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Things you can do as a security guard instead of acting like a dickhead: a vent post disguised as advice
Offer alternatives: IE, “Sorry, nobody’s allowed to hang out over there, but we have seats over here you’re welcome to use”. I recommend getting familiar with local parks, public seating, free food programs, outreach, mobile aid, etc., just in case those are needed.
Be polite: IE, “Excuse me, sir”, “I beg your pardon, miss”. This should go without saying but everyone deserves dignity.
Avoid phrasing requests as orders: IE, “Don’t stand in front of that” VS “Excuse me, could you move a bit to the side?”. This works best with an explanation, like, “There’s a sign behind you”, or, “you might get clipped by someone”. This helps communicate that you are asking for a reason, not just throwing your weight around. If you don’t have a reason, rethink whether or not you need to be doing anything.
Avoid directing blame or fault. Don’t say, “The owner says you gotta go” when you could say, “I’m not supposed to let people be here for X period” or “do X thing”. Again, try to have alternatives ready so people can use other resources or do something else instead of just abruptly changing plans.
Come from a place of compassion whenever you can. People are gonna tell you to get rid of the crazy screaming guy. They say that because they’re frightened and don’t know what to do. Your best approach is, “Hello sir”, followed by, “How are you today?”, “how’s it going?”, “are you doing alright?”, etc., depending on what the person is ACTUALLY doing / saying when you get there. You can offer help from there if needed, or leave them alone if they’re not in danger or a risk to anyone.
Remember you’re not a cop. This can mean whatever you need it to mean. For me personally, that means that with incredibly rare exception (like trying to sell to kids, contaminating other’s food or drink) I won’t report you for drugs. If I find you doing drugs on my site I’ll tell you a different place where you can do them instead and ask you to do them there. I have interrupted drug deals to ask the client and the salesman to both kindly move 15 feet to the left, I’m not kidding, I do not care.
Know who you can throw under the bus. Sometimes you gotta enforce rules and be the bad guy and if that’s the fault of some dipshit in a suit 200 miles away, you can say that. Sorry man, I can’t let you park your car on the lawn. I know you’re not hurting anyone and frankly I think lawn culture is stupid but there’s other parking stalls and if my boss sees you I’ll get a write-up for not doing my job. Shit sucks sometimes but if it wasn’t me telling you it’d be the new guy, and between you and me he’s an idiot and he’ll probably just report you to bylaw.
Don’t just act like you’re their friend, genuinely try to be a good friend. If you know that someone is doing something that will only result in a bystander phoning police, don’t let them go down like that. Let them know, “hey man, you seem like you’re having a shit time and I get it, I’ll do what I can, but we gotta have this conversation somewhere else ‘cause we’re freaking out the old ladies.���
Swallow your tongue. You can’t fix the world. People are gonna bitch at you about communists and 5G and gangster rap ruining the neighbourhood, that’s just part of the deal. Nod along, remain neutral, shut down any hate speech, redirect if you can, and keep a limit in mind where you’ll have to shut things down.
Accept that sometimes there are no solutions. Yes, that angry guy who blasts music will be back tomorrow. That homeless woman who asks you to help her find her dog that she hasn’t had in 30 years will ask again, and yes, you’re still going to take a description and promise to keep an eye out. That kid who smokes crack behind the building has been clean for a few weeks and still stops by to say hi, and you hope he’ll get his life together and be happy, but he also might relapse and OD before he hits 25. Sometimes you just have to do the best you can, even if nothing is guaranteed.
Be kind to teenagers. Being a kid is hard, and everyone’s on their ass all the damn time for everything.
Remember that the vast majority of bad people aren’t bad, just unhappy. The guy who keeps showing up drunk and puking on the carpet is unhappy. The lady who bitches about the service every single time and keeps coming back anyway is unhappy. The guy who leaves trash everywhere is probably unhappy. If they were happy, maybe they’d do better, but they’re not, and that’s kinda sad. You don’t have to let them get away with their shit, but they probably aren’t actually a worthless human being either.
It doesn’t matter if 12 is true or not. You need to believe it or you will become a harsh and bitter person. Look for evidence that people are not terrible and invent it if you have to
Don’t let yourself become a bastard
#Teablart#deescalation#sometimes I’m tired okay#Like I have a lot to learn but it feels like some of yall ain’t even trying#me talking to other guards#Added more
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computer define underdog
#bluebird.txt#google search how to explode my brain with hammers to reset into a functional normal person#how fucking hadd is it to be perfect it's not that hard. you just have to do everything!#but you can never do everything. sometimes you can't even do one fucking thing.#and time moves forward so quickly. go back i didn't do it right. i need to try again. i can be perfect this time i promise.#and i can't but i can and then i can't again but i can't but i can't BUT ITS NOT THAT HARD#HOW HARD COULD IT POSISBLY FUCKING BE!!!!!!#just do it. it's not hard you can just od it. if's not rhat hRd.#JUST FUCKING DO IT#but you can't. even though it's so fucking easy. look at everyone around you doing it and they don't give half as many shits as you do#you're fighting for your fucking life tryi to come out on top and everyone's on too sipping their drinks complaining that it's a little hot#today#what i would give to feel like it was easy. what i constantly give that never feels like enough#but i will say#one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me#was my professor telling me ghat a grad student told her they wished they'd been like me when they were younger#and another two grad students just last week going out of their ways to tell me i did a good job#when that 'good job' felt so shitty i went to the bathroom to suck in my tears bc my day still wasn't fucking over#life is never over it just keeps going and you get up and you get up and you keep going and it's hard and annoying and i'll never be perfec#and i don't think i'll ever- apart from those brief glimpses people give me of what they truly think- ever see myself. i can only ever see#the mirror#or the inside of my eyes#but i'll never see myself as i am#so maybe i don't have to freak oht?#maybe i should just sleep#time to go listen to vienna and cry more maybe#i'm fine. i'm just tired and lazy and tirada en mi cama and can't reach my journal from here. el oh el.#save me help me. i want to feel peace. i can't wait to be older. i can't wait to find my way.#please.
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The Truth Serum Incident
pairing: azriel x fem!reader
summary: Mor, ever the troublemaker, accidentally spills a powerful truth serum into Azriel’s drink at a casual dinner with the Inner Circle. At first, it’s hilarious—Azriel openly admitting he once caught Cassian flexing in the mirror and cried laughing. But then, things get interesting when he starts blurting out the cheesiest, most romantic things about you.
genre: fluff, cute

Dinner at the River House had been normal—until Mor happened.
"You accidentally spilled it?" Feyre repeated, rubbing her temples as she glared at Mor, who looked suspiciously unbothered.
"It was one tiny drop," Mor said, swirling her wine.
"A drop of truth serum," Rhys deadpanned.
Cassian, meanwhile, was losing his entire will to live as he clutched the table, gasping for air. Because Azriel—broody, secretive, terrifying Shadowsinger Azriel—had just said, with the most serious expression:
"I once caught Cassian flexing in the mirror for four whole minutes, and I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard I almost passed out."
Cassian choked. "YOU—YOU WHAT?!"
Azriel blinked, his face completely blank. "You made finger guns at yourself. Twice."
Cassian screamed. Nesta looked like she was about to frame this moment and hang it above their bed.
Rhys pinched the bridge of his nose. "Mor, exactly how strong was this serum?"
Mor grinned. "Oh, you know… regular strength."
"You are lying," Feyre accused.
And then—disaster.
Because Azriel, under the influence of the truth serum, turned his head.
To you.
His mate. His beloved. His greatest weakness.
And then—**in the deepest, most emotion-filled voice ever—**he said.
"I am so in love with you."
Silence.
Cassian choked on his drink. Mor slammed her hands on the table.
You?
You blacked out for a second.
"Az—" you started.
"You smell like summer and sugar and everything good in this world." His voice was deadly serious.
Cassian fell out of his chair. Nesta cackled like a damn witch.
"I—" You opened your mouth, panicking.
"Your hands," Azriel continued, completely lost to the serum, "are so perfect I could write odes about them."
Nesta wheezed.
Cassian, from the floor, screamed into the void. "Odes?! MOTHER ABOVE, THIS IS GOLD!"
"Mor," Rhys hissed, dragging his hands down his face. "Fix this. Now."
"Why would I fix this?" Mor said, grinning like a lunatic. "This is the best thing to ever happen to me."
Meanwhile, you were still struggling to breathe because Azriel—the most secretive male in existence—was looking at you like you were the stars themselves.
And then—your vision blurred.
Your head spun.
You gripped the table.
And in that moment, realization hit you like a drunk Illyrian at a tavern fight.
"Wait," you whispered. "I think I drank some too."
Rhys and Feyre's heads snapped toward you.
Cassian gasped. "Oh, this just got better."
And then—you felt it happen.
That horrifying pull of the serum forcing your deepest secrets out.
You tried to fight it.
You failed spectacularly.
"I sniff your leathers when you’re gone."
Silence.
PURE. DEAD. SILENCE.
Then—
Cassian detonated. He literally collapsed.
Mor was screaming. Rhys looked like he was debating whether to exile you from Velaris. Nesta was taking mental notes.
Azriel?
Azriel froze.
His hazel eyes blinked. His lips parted.
"You—" His voice was so soft. So utterly bewildered. "You do what?"
You slapped a hand over your mouth, mortified.
Nesta leaned forward, gleeful. "Oh, this is good."
But it was too late.
You couldn’t stop.
"I stole one of your shirts and hid it in my closet because it smelled like you."
Cassian WHEEZED.
Azriel, staring at you like you’d just told him he was High Lord, whispered, "Which one?"
And yet—you weren’t done.
The serum wouldn’t LET you be done.
"I—" You tried to fight it. You really did.
"I also—uh—kissed your pillow once."
Cassian SCREAMED SO LOUD that an actual plate fell off the table.
Nesta was wiping tears from her eyes. Mor was face down, dying.
Azriel, watching you combust in real time, slowly smirked.
SMIRKED.
It was over for you.
"You like my scent that much?" he murmured, voice pure sin.
"I—"
The serum refused to let you live.
"YES," you blurted. "IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOU SMELL LIKE NIGHT AND SAFETY AND—"
You slapped both hands over your mouth.
Cassian, on the floor, WHEEZED.
Azriel, grinning like he’d won a war, tilted his head. "Huh."
You prayed for the Cauldron to take you.
Rhys, waving his hands wildly, stood up. "Alright, that’s it! Dinner’s over!"
Cassian rolled on the floor. "No, wait—this is the best night of my life—"
Azriel, smug as hell, leaned in.
"So…" he whispered, right in your ear.
"Which shirt did you steal?"
You made an undignified noise and YEETED YOURSELF OUT OF THE ROOM.
Cassian?
Absolutely lost it.
Mor?
Tears. Actual tears.
Nesta?
Taking notes for future blackmail.
Azriel?
Azriel just sat back, looking insufferably pleased, and took another sip of his wine.
And somewhere in the distance, you could already hear Cassian yelling, "I NEED A POEM ABOUT THE HANDS! GIVE ME THE HAND ODES!"
MORAL OF THE STORY: NEVER. TRUST. MOR.
#acotar#azriel x oc#azriel#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x reader#rhysand#cassian#azriel x you#nesta acotar#feyre acotar#mor acotar
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cuz you know that it’s delicate
joe burrow x fem!reader

summary: what happens when joe’s teammate slips a joke about your size difference and it sends you spiraling? being in love with joe since college has been tough but what happens when he starts figuring it out and trying to unravel you more?
warnings: SMUT, 18+ ONLY, MDNI. heaaaavy size kink, joe being a smartass should be it’s own warning, language, p in v, fingering, oral (f. receiving), roughness. probably more? this one was so much fun, plzzz stick around til the end. 🤭
word count: 3.1k!
note: heyyy everyone! my first joey smut 🤭 i hope y’all love it and again MDNI!! (shoutout to my boo @slimshiesty, hate me later and that stray ball part is rotting in my brain, so i snuck a lil of it in here as an ode to you. ily bbg. 💗) (also another taylor swift title bc i fr couldn’t think of anything else plus i used it a bit.. i swear i’m not trying to steal anyones thing i love all the joey swifties)
tags: @slimshiesty @starsinthesky5 (plz message me or send an ask to be added!) part 2
sexual frustration has to be one of the worst things in the world. sexual frustration at the hands of your best friend, however, takes the cake.
it started at a party two weeks ago when you were invited out by joe, the star nfl quarterback, certified dweeb, and your very best friend all wrapped into one.
flashback
you were sitting around with joe and some of his teammates, listening in on their conversations and people watching the rest of the time. it was easiest for you to hang out with joe and ja’marr since you knew them from college, but the rest of their teammates and their teammates partners were really cool too, and all so welcoming to you.
everyone was laughing and joking, having a laid back time, picking on each other for random things. that was, until, someone mentioned how funny it was to see you standing next to joe, being that he was well over a foot taller than you.
“what? how’s it funny?” joe asked, glancing between you and his teammate. “because you make her look so tiny! like a little doll. get up and stand next to each other.”
you were reluctant to move from your seat, hating where this was leading. it was already hard enough having feelings for your best friend over the span of a few years, but this was crossing dangerous territory. kink territory.
for you, there was something about how much bigger than you joe was. he towered over you. his body was lean but built with thick muscles. he could quite literally pick you up and sling you around like a rag-doll. (and honestly if he did, you’d thank him.)
you hoped his teammate pointing out your size difference wouldn’t be turned into a big deal, but once joe pulled you out of your chair to stand next to him, it was like the gates of hell opened.
you stood side by side, your head barely even reaching his armpit. everyone around the table laughed, including joe. “damn, i guess i never really focused on how little you are, y/n.” joe laughed, and placed his forearm on top of your head like an armrest.
alarms went off in your head. ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSION.
you cleared your throat quickly, and came to your senses, shoving joe off before getting back into your seat. “maybe i’m not small, maybe you’re just a freakishly large man.” you remark, trying to keep your voice even.
“nah,” he replied, sitting down next to you again, “you’re sooooo tiny.” he laughed, wiggling his eyebrows at you. you flipped him the finger. “fuck you big bird.” you snarked before downing the rest of your drink. god knows you need it. you hoped that your pink cheeks would be chalked up to the alcohol and that nobody else had caught on.
the next instance came a few days later, on a sunday, and it was much worse than the first. so, so much worse.
flashback to sunday
you came to the bengals’ home stadium to watch their game, and since it was early you figured you’d go down to the field to say hi to joe and some of your other friends on the team.
you made it down and waved hi to ja’marr, tee and sam before making your way to joe. he spotted you and smiled, walking in your direction to meet you halfway.
you decided on wearing one of his jerseys and a pair of jeans, something simple and comfortable. as soon as he made it to you, the first thing he did was look you up and down and then pick up the sleeve of the jersey before chuckling.
“damn, this thing is swallowing you!” he comments. you playfully smack at his arm. “shut up, joey.”
“it’s cute, though. you look nice. are you excited for the game?”
you don’t give yourself much time to process that “cute” comment. wtf does that even mean? who cares. ABORT MISSION.
“of course i’m excited! i can’t wait to watch you guys kick some ass today—“
your sentence is cut off abruptly as joe grabs you and lifts you, turning your bodies so his back is now facing the opposite direction on the field. his grip on you is so tight that your chest is pressed into his stomach. you look up at his face, his expression a mix between anger and concern. you can feel your cheeks heat up and your eyes widen in disbelief.
“um, joe, you’re bear hugging the hell out of me right now. wanna put me down and explain what happened?”
he lets you down gently, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. “stray ball was coming right at you. i didn’t want it to hit you, it would’ve hurt you pretty bad.”
you reach a hand up and pat his chest, feeling the thick muscles. “thank you!” you respond, once again monitoring your tone. “i’m gonna head up and talk to everyone, ok?” you ask, already moving to leave. “yeah, ok.” joe says, focusing his attention on the ground. you can tell he’s contemplating something, but you don’t want to ask. you want to get out of there as quickly as possible.
the final instance came a few days later when you went to joe’s house just to hang out and have dinner.
flashback to wednesday night
you park your car in joe’s garage and step out, tucking your phone and keys in your pocket before heading up the stairs. before you make it to the door, joe’s already opening it and waiting in the doorway.
“hi bub!” you call, pushing past him and stepping inside, kicking off your shoes by the door. he greets you back sweetly and the two of you go sit on barstools in the kitchen, just catching up on things that have gone on this week. you rant to joe about your job and he listens intently, offering what advice he can.
he rants back to you about things going on with the team, and frustrations he’s having on the field. you try to return the favor and offer him some advice, but you know you aren’t of too much help. joe appreciates it regardless.
soon after your food arrives, you find yourselves in the living room, sitting on the couch side by side as a movie plays. you and joe always loved just being around each other, you had so deep of a connection that oftentimes words didn’t need to be shared at all.
you both enjoyed those moments.
you felt yourself starting to doze off until joe laughed at something in the movie, the sound waking you a bit.
“oh, sorry. you can go to sleep.” he whispers, pulling you into his side and wrapping his arm around your shoulder. you appreciate his warmth and you rub your head on his shoulder as you get comfy. you hear joe chuckle.
“what’s funny?” you mumble, your eyes still closed. “it’s like i’m hyper-aware now of how small you are next to me. it’s so cute.”
you make no outward moves or sounds, but inside you are screaming. yelling. this is the worst one yet.
you don’t know it yet, but joe’s figured it out. he’s seen you get flustered three times now over these comments, and he knows something is going on in your brain when they’re said. he isn’t aware if you have feelings for him like he does for you, but he knows you liked when he picked you up so easily on the field the other day.
it was effortless to him, despite what you might think of yourself.
you sit next to him in silence, eyes still closed, trying to control your breathing. just try to fall asleep again you tell yourself, hoping that joe has no idea. if you only knew.
when you wake in the morning, you’re still snuggled on the couch with him as the soft morning light shines gold around the living room. you shake him awake.
“joey, i gotta get going. i need to go home and get ready for work and you have thursday practice.”
he pulls you in closer for a moment, hugging you bye, and then wishes you a good day at work. you bolt out the door and to your car as fast as you can, heading home to wash the previous day away in the shower.
end of flashbacks
so, this is where you are now.
it’s been almost a week since you’ve talked to joe, avoiding him because you aren’t sure what to say or do. part of you knows he has something figured out, but you don’t know what or how much.
you’re terrified to let him in on your feelings, what’s going on in your head, because you’re delicate and you don’t want to ruin something that has always been there for you.
the other part of you knows you have to tell him, you need to tell him. you love him, you lust after him. the comments that keep being made about your sizes are driving you to the point of insanity that nothing will fix it unless joe manhandles you as rough as you can take it and he fucks it out of you.
you’re pretty sure your vibrator is gonna be on its last leg soon.
alright, i gotta call him. i gotta get this over with.
you grab your phone off the kitchen counter and dial his number, listening to it ring for a few moments.
“hello?” he finally answers, sounding a bit upset.
“hey joey. sorry i haven’t been talking to you this week. i just— i think i need to talk to you about some stuff and.. would you mind coming over later?”
he says nothing for a moment, but you hear him blow out a long breath. “yeah, of course, y/n.” he finally says. “i can be over around 7?”
you check the clock on the stove, it reads 4:34pm.
“7 sounds great! see you then!” you say, hanging up quickly. now you play the waiting game.
all your chores are done, and you take a lovely everything shower to help calm your nerves, and you make sure to drink plenty of water and have a snack as you tell yourself affirmations.
it’s going to be okay, he’s my best friend. he will understand. he will still be my friend regardless, he’s always been there for me. if he rejects me, nothing will change that.
you sit on the couch and scroll your phone as you wait. there’s still just a bit over an hour before joey will arrive, so you waste time scrolling tiktok, cozy on the couch.
soon enough you hear the doorbell, and you jump off the couch to answer it, stepping aside to let joe in.
he sits on your couch, waiting for you to join him and start speaking. “joe, i, um.. i hav-“
he cuts you off. “you have feelings for me? you like it when people compare our sizes because it turns you on?” he smirks, leaning back on the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. he’s manspreading now, his thick thighs on full display. your mouth falls open for a moment.
“yeah. essentially exactly that.” you finally reply.
“so what are we gonna do about that?” he questions, pulling you into his lap. you place your hands on his chest instinctively, and before you know what’s happening he‘s pulling you in for a heated kiss.
his lips are soft against yours and he gently prods at your bottom lip, sliding his tongue past as you open it. he tastes like mint, it’s intoxicating you. one minute his large hands are splayed over your back holding you to him, the next he’s lifting you off the couch by grabbing underneath your armpits and carrying you down the hall, roughly body-slamming you on the bed.
“dude, save the UFC moves for ja’marr!” you groan, sucking in a large breath. joe jumps on the bed, caging you in by placing his knees on either side of your hips and his hands next to your head.
“no, i don’t think so.” he smirks, leaning in closer until your noses are nearly touching. you felt your cheeks heating up at his close proximity, and his eye-contact with you was starting to feel intimidating, even though you had just been sharing such a passionate kiss. you hated that you could feel your wetness soaking through your panties just from him trying to wrestle you.
he blows gently on your face and you shove at him. he laughs you off and leans even closer, pressing the tip of his nose to yours before moving away and leaning down to whisper in your ear.
“this would be a lot easier if you’d just admit that you want me to manhandle you. you want me to go rough, right?” he teases. you’ve had enough of his smugness. you grab the back of his neck and pull him in for another kiss, tugging at his hair and nipping his bottom lip. he groans into you. he stands from the bed, picking you up again, carrying you across the room before roughly slamming your body against the wall.
you let out a strangled moan, loving the feeling of him using all his strength on you.
“can i take your shorts off?” he asks, looking into your eyes.
“fuck yes, please.” you breathe out, exhilarated.
joe yanks your shorts and panties down your legs in one swift motion, kneeling down in front of you. he’s able to keep your body held up and pressed against the wall. he looks up at you with questioning eyes, making sure this is okay. you give him a soft nod in response.
he leans in and throws one of your legs over his shoulder. he starts by pressing the smallest kiss to your clit, and then licks a slow, languid stripe up your core. you hiss, your body arching off the wall at the new sensation. when you look down, you find him looking up at you, his beautiful blue eyes trained on your face.
your eyes roll back in your head as he continues his ministrations. you feel the hand that isn’t holding you against the wall rubbing circles on your inner thigh before joe slowly slips a finger into you.
you quickly approach your orgasm, your stomach tight with anticipation. joe doesn’t let up, working you there until your body feels like it’s being dunked into warm bath water, the feeling covering you from head to toe. it takes you a minute to regain your sense of self. joe pulls his fingers from your core and removes your leg from his shoulder, standing back up before lifting you so your legs are around his waist.
you waste no time pulling him in for a kiss. “holy shit, joey!” you moan, baffled at what just happened. he smirks into your kiss.
for the second time, you’re thrown onto the bed. you sit up, propped on your elbows as you watch joe stalk closer, his erection very obvious in his shorts. he pulls his shirt over his head and you do the same, unclasping your bra just after so that you’re completely bare for him.
you chalk your forwardness up to being comfortable with him, normally you wouldn’t have the confidence to act this way. neither would joe, actually, but you shrug it off.
you don’t remember seeing him strip his shorts off or climb on top of you, but you know you’re kissing him again. you can’t get over how good his lips feel. one of his hands traces your curves, he runs his fingers along your body until his large hand is cupping your breast.
he moves his kisses to your neck and you gasp, reveling in the feeling of him kissing and touching you softly and sweetly.
you look down at his throbbing cock and suddenly you feel intimidated. joe hears you gasp. he lets out a soft laugh.
“don’t talk a big game and then act scared of it, baby.” he teases, pressing light kisses to your cheeks. you swallow thickly.
joe reaches down and strokes himself, spitting on his hand to slick himself up. he looks at you once again for confirmation, and you nod to him. he helps you get comfortable beneath him, positioning your legs around his waist as he pushes his tip in. you suck in a harsh breath.
it stings, but it isn’t the worst thing. he moves against you slowly, sliding in inch by inch until he bottoms out. he looks down and you, your faces inches apart, and you giggle.
“what is it bub?” he asks, smiling softly. “they weren’t kidding calling you big dick joe.” you laugh out. joe laughs too.
after giving you a few minutes to adjust, he starts moving hips, rocking into yours slowly. you think this is what the peak of euphoria feels like.
he leans back down to kiss you, his hand finding your throat and squeezing ever so slightly. your back is arched, your chest pressed to his as your hands tangle through his hair. his hands move down, finding your hips and holding them down to the bed. you moan at the rough grip.
he starts going harder, his hips pistoning into yours as you continue kissing, both of you moaning out your pleasure.
“joey, i-i’m close.” you warn, your body covered in a sheen of sweat. you felt it again, you were so close to that warmth once again pulsing over your body.
until.
knock knock knock.
what was that? you thought. you tried to focus on joe but everything seemed to be slipping away.
then, there it was again. the knocking. and the shrill of your phone ringing.
you startled awake, sweat covering your body. you looked at your phone screen. 7:10pm. one missed call from joe.
you threw your throw blanket off, trying to gather your thoughts. what the fuck? what is happening?
you thought you’d just had the best fuck of your life, that everything would be okay with you and joe but… it was just a dream? you dozed off and you didn’t even know it.
“y/n, let me in!” you hear joe yell from the opposite side of the door. you’re panicking, your body is hot, your clothes are stuck to you. still, you get up and almost sprint to the door. you open it, taking in his appearance. just like your dream.
black shorts, black shirt. backwards cap.
“can i come in? are you okay?” he asks. you watch as he takes in your appearance. sweaty hair stuck to your neck, your eyes glazed over.
“um, yeah joe. i’m okay. come in.” you step aside, inviting him in, just like your dream. he sits down.
“so, what did you wanna talk about?” he asks. you sit down next to him, blowing out a long breath. this was gonna be a longggg conversation.
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clenching my head and banging it repeatedly against a wall.
#i have enoufh dope to overdose i wish i wasnt afucking coward#feeling this way all because od some bullshit..... when will it end#everydya i ask myself. why didnt my mom drink MORE when she ws pregnant with me so i would have been stillborn#mikhail's texts
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Mooties there is gonna be venting and edgy shit in the tags warning you rn
has there ever been a time in your life when you cried everyday?
#he was a good stepdad#but not the greatest#i thought he'd perfectly fill in the gap of my lack of a father#until he started drinking#he's the reason i pick at the skin on my fingers#he's the reason i can't pass that house without getting shivers#he's the reason why i don't want a dad anymore#i was only 8.#i learned he died of an od around christmas of last year and i didn't even mourn#i didn't know what to think#but i knew it was coming#jessie. i wish things were better between us. i wish you never started drinking.#i wish you never made made me do those things for you.#i wish mom still loved you. and i wish you loved her enough to take care of her.#i don't forgive you. but i still love you.#respoons
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had this . one guy coming into work tn and . i didnt know what was in a baby guiness shot (its . not popular) and . the fucker made a joke that was smt hlike "so youll know whats in a vodka lime soda if i ask for one?" and i just . lost it im gonna be So Real
#like . i scrinched my face up and said 'ofc i kmow whats in a fuxking vodka kime soda. i know Basic drinks. im a bartender'#but it was so fucking snarky and rude and just ???? dude . what the fuck.#ive made One Baby Guiness in my Life .#ive only been baetending for 1.5yrs and 8mths od that has been Here .#like i know he was joking but . idk it was kinda fucminf iut of line in a way#n the fact that im . gking off memory n i cant rmb it entirely is not helping my case here either#exhibiting two different wounds bere wbat dk i do abt em .#fhck this i need a vacation i think . im gking to Lose It#anyway . i dont rlly rmb shots n cocmtials v well bc i dont Make Thm Often enough for me to#and im rlly notnfoijg out ifnmy way to learn them bc#i dont Care this isbt smth im gonna be doing#lingterm#idk what i wanna do while i figure iur how im gonna go to uni#but its not this i cant Do This#its Destroying me in so maby ways but irs sl subtly im fuckignfjgjgjggjg ok
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