#ocean gate submarine

[paisholotus]

Y'all did them people go missing in that submarine this year? Goddamn this was a long year 🤣🤣🤣

[thenebulanebula]

I have no sympathy for those on the submarine, and I don't blame people who makes jokes about it. But at the end of the day their deaths change nothing, in the sense that capitalism and wealth inequality still has us in a choke hold regardless.

So honestly the people acting like celebrating their deaths is some sort of leftist obligation, just come across as a teeny bit psychotic.

[bebx]

I promise you not everything has to be made into memes. basic human empathy is a good thing, some of y’all should try that.

[irm4-vep]

I feel sorry for the 19yo because even though I'm in my 20s, if my father told me to get on the fucking submarine because it was safe, I would probably do it because I trust him and know he wants nothing bad for his daughter.

[a2zillustration]

New fear unlocked.

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[garthnadermemestash]

[eazy-peazy54]

I think the banging sounds in the ocean were the rest of the people on that submarine beating the absolute shit out of that ocean gate mf

[mrsmarlasinger]

Oh? My fucking god??

THIS WAS THE CONTROLLER FOR THE SUBMARINE THAT WENT MISSING???

The Logitech F710??

Like, okay, apparently the U.S. military* uses Xbox 360 controllers. I get that. It's cheap. It's technology already familiar to many young adults. I get it, I do.

*(fuck 'em)

But still. STILL.

I don't know anything about gamepads, but I do know the Logitech F710 came out thirteen years ago. I just found it on Ebay for $16 including shipping.

But surely that means that through the test of time, the Logitech F710 has proven itself to be the best around, right? A work of video game engineering so flawless, even a relatively sane individual might agree to trust it with their life....right?

Oh. Oh. Jesus Horatio Christ.

Imagine your joystick drifts and your buttons get stuck and your controller lags...while you're steering a submarine...13,000 FEET UNDERWATER.

(That's about 4,000 meters, or just under 2.5 miles. And yes, I know it's actually a submersible, not a submarine.)

Oh my god. Oh my god.

For context, according to Naval Post:

A submarine specifically built to rescue people from subs sunk deep in the sea has a maximum depth of 7,500 to 10,000 feet (2,250 to 3,000 meters). But no, with the Titan, we're talking 13,000 FEET.

So if the pressure at approximately that depth is 5,775 psi, which means 5,775 lbs (2,619 kg)—or ALMOST THREE TONS—per square inch...

...and the atmospheric pressure where I live is sitting at 14.5 psi today...

That means the sheer pressure of the ocean at that depth is, like, 400 times that of the air we breathe. So if your fucking 13-year-old video game controller drifts you into the wreckage of the goddamn Titanic, the moment your hull sustains a little damage, even the tiniest leak, you're gonezo. The sub implodes and you're pulverized. Instantly.

(Plus I hear the compression rate is so extreme, the molecules so fast-moving, that everything heats to combustion in the split second before the water puts it out. So really, you'd be incinerated before you'd be crushed. Ain't that a treat?)

But hey, maybe the pressure hull remains intact and you just lose power. Or get entangled in the wreckage of, again, THE GODDAMN TITANIC.

Then it's just you and your four rich buddies crammed into a metal tube, waiting for your 96 hours of oxygen to run out.

Navigational computers on the fucking floor. No backrests. No seats. No padding. Nothing. Just one small toilet sat in front of one tiny window.

So when the power dies and the lights go out, it's just a claustrophic sardine tin of the wealthy, alone in the suffocating pitch-dark at the bottom of the ocean, choking on the smell of their own shit.

All this, for a quarter of a million dollars per head.

Which they paid even though Stockton Rush, the CEO of OceanGate himself, said that SAFETY IS A WASTE. OH MY FUCKING—

A sadly unshocking thing to hear from the CEO of a company that's engendered safety concerns! For! YEARS!

Also unshocking: the waiver apparently mentions death three times on the first page.

You know.

In case it didn't get through to you after the first two times. Or after reading that the sub is experimental and hasn't been approved or regulated in any remotely meaningful way.

But it's okay if the MacGyvered fucking submarine crumbles like a Saltine cracker, because IT DOESN'T MATTER IF EVERYTHING FAILS! AS LONG AS THE PRESSURE HULL'S INTACT, IT'S OKAY IF YOU'RE STUCK 13,000 FEET UNDER THE SEA WITH A RAPIDLY DWINDLING SUPPLY OF OXYGEN! THE CEO OF OCEANGATE SAID SO!!!

HAHA! HA! YES, THE TOTALLY SUCCESSFUL MACGYVERED SUB WITH A COMPLETELY INTACT PRESSURE HULL!!!!

Oh my god. Oh my GOOOOOOOOD.

But hey! Remember! :) If the Juulpod-sized, Atari-run hunk of hubris doesn't literally fucking implode with you inside it, it's okay that there are 18 bolts locking you in that can't be undone without external assistance! Because Stockton Rush said you're safe as long as the (definitely pristine) hull is still intact!

So if you're bobbing on the surface of the ocean, watching seagulls cross blue sky through your single tiny porthole, listening to the pulse of white-crested waves ruffled by the cool sea breeze, drowning above water because you can't escape the slow ceaseless hourglass that is your stagnant air supply without a rescue crew—a rescue crew that can't even find you because you're mired in a vast expanse of savage ocean and oh, by the way, your communications going down is what started all this in the FIRST PLACE...

...well, don't worry! Titan's many, many, MANY successful past voyages should give you comfort! :)

But, on the very off chance this could be a dangerous and likely deadly situation, tell me: which would be the worst way to go?

Incinerating in the abrupt birth of a terrible, crushing singularity?

Asphyxiating in the lightless abyss that lurks like some arcane hell at the bottom of the ocean?

Or suffocating just as slowly above the water, with air so close you can see the misty breeze yet still...just...out...of reach?

God, I hope we save these dumbass idiots. Especially since one of them's just a 19-year-old kid. I don't even care how rich and stupid they are. I just can't imagine dying like that.

[shaykai]

Yes No do we think Gortash can swim?

[loz37]

Genuinely sorry for the family left behind and the innocent crew on board, especially the young lad who apparently didn't even want to go. But let's be honest, half of them didn't get to where they are by being nice people. So if you can't see the funny side of this amazing meme (which is not originally mine) then I'm sorry for your lack of humour, must be a shocking first day on the internet. Seriously though, why wasn't as much effort and money put into saving the 100s of refugees from the Mediterranean as these 5 people.

[boof-chamber]

Luigi has schizophrenia

the orcas have excited delirium

the submersible had depression

the ocean has borderline personality disorder

[ann3ofabyss4lred]

I just know Leo Valdez and his idea of controlling the Argo II with a wii game controller was the inspiration for the billionaries to made the submarine's control.

The differenxe is Leo has a brain,and he is a natural engineer and mecanic.

Bonus: Percy pretended not to know the situation bc he hates rich ppl.

[karlrincon]

James Cameron has visited the wreckage of the Titanic 33 times.

"I actually calculated that I've spent more time on the ship than the captain did"

[bebx]

the whole titanic situation is making me anxious because it literally took them like 73 years to find a ship THAT big and we have only about less than 30 hours left, as of now, to find that small submarine with the people in it alive.

[undercover-seer]

What if we kissed on a submarine controlled by a gamecube controller

[autistic-demon]

I gotta say between Space X and Ocean gate, extreme environment tourism might be the best way to weed out the billionaire parasites.