#obviously the classics. love dramatic/daddy daddy do are really fun

[tenmyoujump]

i think kaguya sama has ruined me for anime openings and endings because i can’t think of a single one i didn’t thoroughly enjoy

[recurring-polynya]

@iz-stardust is a lovely person and a wonderful artist and I wanted to write her a little present based on this adorable drawing she did. I hope you like it, friend!

Adventures in Babysitting | ao3 | ff.net |

Summary:  When Byakuya is stuck on emergency babysitting duty, he gets an assist from Squad 10.

Starring: Toushirou, Rangiku, Byakuya, and one cranky Ichika.

Ships: Friendships as far as the eye can see!!!

Rating: General audiences, can you believe it?!? You should probably brush your teeth afterwards, tho.

❄️   🐱   🌸   🐰 

“Sir! Captain Kuchiki and, er, a guest are here to see you!”

Toushirou looked up the mission report he had been reviewing. In general, it was pretty unlikely for another captain to just drop by, and it seemed doubly unlikely for Byakuya, of all people, to do so. “Matsumoto!” he barked. “You didn’t schedule an appointment with Captain Kuchiki and then forget to tell me about it, did you?”

“Oh, Captain!” Matsumoto pouted. “You know Renji makes all of Captain Kuchiki’s appointments for him, and he would never trust me to remember something like that.”

This was very true.

“See him in!” Toushirou waved at his waiting Seventh Seat. “Try to look busy, Matsumoto!”

“I am busy!” Matsumoto gestured at the catalog in front of her. “We got budget approval for new office chairs, and I’m trying to pick out the best ones. Your hiney is going to thank me.”

“I will thank you to never mention my hiney again, Matsu-- greetings, Captain Kuchiki!”

Byakuya looked… haggard. His face was pale, his eyes shadowed by dark circles. His hair was gathered in a rather sloppy ponytail, rather than falling in it’s usual glossy waterfall. He kept shifting from one foot to the other in a semi-rhythmic fashion. There didn’t seem to be any blood on him, but there was a large, lumpy bundle strapped to his chest, and some sort of duffel slung across his back. Had he just returned from a harrowing mission to Hueco Mundo, perhaps?

“Hello, Captain Hitsugaya,” he said, his voice ragged with exhaustion. “I need to ask an important favor.”

“Are you all right?” Toushirou asked, jumping to his feet. “You look like you need to sit down.”

“No, no, I must remain standing.” Kuchiki excused. “As you know, I was supposed to lead the meeting of the Gotei Transparency Improvement Documentation Standards committee this afternoon, but it seems I will not be able to attend. I was hoping that, as co-chair, you would be able to take my place. I am most apologetic, and I swear, on my honor as a Kuchiki, that I will make it up to you.” An angry squall erupted from the cloth wrapped around his chest, and Kuchiki’s hand immediately moved to pat it reassuringly.

“Do you have Ichika?!” Matsumoto squealed, her eyes filling with glittering hearts and stars.

“Er, yes,” Kuchiki mumbled. “It is very unusual, of course, for Renji and Rukia to be called away together, but Kurosaki Ichigo specifically requested their assistance, and obviously, all of Soul Society owes him a great debt, so...” He trailed off in a most un-Byakuya-like fashion.

“Of course I can handle the meeting,” Toushirou reassured briskly, although he had to raise his voice to be heard over the crying, which was steadily increasing in volume. “Do you need… help… with the other matter?”

Kuchiki made a troubled face. “I had thought that my staff at the manor would be able to assist, but Ichika seemed extremely agitated to be left in their care. Strangely enough, being attached to my person is the only thing that seems to placate her. Even so, she becomes angry if I sit down or stop this infernal swaying motion.”

“Well, of course!” Matsumoto scolded. “She doesn’t know those people! You’re her special uncle! But she’s probably bored from being in that thing. Take her out and let her have a little playtime with Auntie Rangiku!”

Byakuya’s face went stiff, and his eyes narrowed judgmentally. For a moment, Toushirou feared that Byakuya was going to take issue with the non-biological nature of Rangiku’s aunthood, although he knew for a fact that Abarai and Kuchiki subscribed to the Rukongai idea of “the more aunties the better.” He, himself, had respectfully turned down a similar honorarium, although he had been secretly touched by the offer. (Momo still insisted on referring to him as ‘Uncle Shirou’ in the baby’s presence. He found that much less touching).

Rangiku, for her part, was regarding Byakuya with a look, just daring him to try it.

People, namely Rukia, kept insisting that Byakuya considered Toushirou to be his friend, but Toushirou had his doubts. Sure, they played shogi regularly, and Toushirou seemed to be the only person outside of Renji and Rukia that Byakuya ever texted, but it’s not like Toushirou really knew the guy. And yet, as he watched Byakuya’s face, he realized, like a bolt of thunder, that he recognized an emotion. He was suddenly certain, down to the marrow of his bones, that Rukia had given her brother a stern talking to on this very topic.

A few moments of obvious internal struggle went by, and then Byakuya blew a small puff of air out of his nose, and began extracting the baby from her wrappings. “I wish you luck,” he declared grimly.

Rangiku hopped up from her desk and danced over to Byakuya’s side. As the cool air hit Ichika’s face, her crying slowed, and she began to look around.

“Hello, baby!” Matsumoto trilled. Toushirou could tell she was dying to snatch the baby from Byakuya’s arms, but was holding herself back until Ichika was ready.

Ichika looked up into Byakuya’s face, her violet eyes wide and uncertain. Then she looked to Rangiku again. Then Byakuya again.

“These are the offices of Squad Ten,” Byakuya explained. “I believe you have been here before. We are guests, so you must be on your best behavior.”

Ichika looked back over at Rangiku, who was hiding the lower half of her face with her scarf. “Peekaboo!” she exclaimed, flinging the scarf away.

Ichika squealed and lunged for Rangiku (or possibly her scarf), nearly knocking Byakuya off his feet.

“Ha ha!” Matsumoto sang, spinning Ichika around. “There’s my happy girl!”

Byakuya’s entire body slumped with relief, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

“You should sit down,” Toushirou suggested, pulling his chair around. “I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

Byakuya sank gratefully into the chair and didn’t even ask any pointed questions about the tea, which is how Toushirou knew that he must be completely exhausted.

Rangiku plopped down on one of the office couches, Ichika in her lap. She dropped her scarf over the baby’s head and tickled her nose with it as Ichika laughed and laughed.

Toushirou wasn’t exactly envious of his lieutenant’s way with people, big and small, but he was grateful for it. Rangiku did friendship so easily-- ironing out disputes between squad members, throwing a birthday bash for a friend-of-a-friend-of-friend, charming cranky babies-- and yet, watching her work her magic only made him feel more special to be part of her inner circle, that she’d seen something in that scrawny kid, so hesitant to stand up for himself that long ago day in Junrinan.

“Her attention span doesn’t last very long,” Rangiku said in a sing-songy voice. “We should have a series of fun ideas lined up!”

Byakuya perked up, and unloaded the bag from his shoulder. He seemed to have forgotten it was there. “I have her Seaweed Ambassador!” he offered helpfully, pulling a stuffed…creature from the bag. “Although it did not produce the desired reaction earlier.”

“Oh, I know!” Rangiku suggested. “Have you ever seen Rukia and Renji do the ‘Big Mommy, Little Daddy’ game?”

“The what?” Byakuya and Toushirou replied in unison.

“It’s so cute! Rukia gets on a chair and makes a big deal about how she’s so tall, and Renji stands on his knees and talks about how short he is. Ichika loves it, don’t you, Ichika!”

Ichika stretched her hands above her head and blew an enthusiastic raspberry.

Matsumoto looked meaningfully at Toushirou. Then Byakuya. Then back to Toushirou.

“No,” Toushirou growled, pointing his finger at Rangiku. “It would be very-- I would-- Just, no.”

“Absolutely not,” Byakuya agreed. “Categorically not.”

Rangiku stuck out her lower lip. “You two are no fun.” She turned her attention back to her tiny charge. “Ichika, are these your toes? I didn’t know you had toes! Let me see!”

Toushirou busied himself with the tea. This, unfortunately, was also classic Matsumoto, trying to draw him into her nonsense. As if even a baby could mistake himself and Byakuya for a pair of loud, dramatic dumbasses like Renji and Rukia. No, the best thing he could possibly do is help Kuchiki get his nerves back together. Children didn’t like Toushirou. Even when he was a child himself, other children hadn’t liked him. Ghost children liked him sometimes, but that was different.

Toushirou decided that Kuchiki deserved the good gyokuro, the stuff he himself only indulged in when Matsumoto was being particularly taxing. It seemed appropriate. He let his mind clear a little so that Hyourinmaru could get the water to the perfect temperature. Hyourinmaru loved the ceremony of even a casual workday tea break. You are a kind friend, his zanpakutou rumbled in his head. Senbonzakura will appreciate this gesture. Hyourinmaru had a hard time telling the difference between Byakuya and Senbonzakura sometimes, and Toushirou had given up trying to correct him.

A memory suddenly popped into Toushirou’s head. A little ghost boy who hadn’t passed over to Soul Society because he was waiting to see the first snowfall. Toushirou had been hesitant to use his zanpakutou for such a frivolous reason, but Hyourinmaru hadn’t seemed to mind, in the end. An idea began to crystalize in his mind.

“Oh, no, baby, what’s the matter?” Matsumoto was exclaiming. “What is this sad face? Is it time to get up? Do you want Auntie Rangiku to walk with you?” Ichika had started to make little fussy noises again.

Toushirou pressed a fragrant cup of tea into Byakuya’s hand as he passed on his way over to the couch. He cleared his throat, and Ichika turned her tiny face up to his. “Hey, Ichika,” he said. “Check this out.” He opened his hand to reveal a tiny, sparkling ice sculpture in the shape of a snowman adorned with rabbit ears. Ichika’s eyes widened, and she waved her arms at it. She would have fallen off of Matsumoto’s lap, if it weren’t for his lieutenant’s quick reflexes.

“How cute, Captain!” Matsumoto cried. “Oh, lucky you, Ichika! Captain made that beautifully bunny just for you! He wouldn’t do that for just anyone, you know.”

“You can touch it,” Toushirou said, crouching a little and holding his hand out. Maybe she would be interested in the feel of the ice.

“She will likely ruin it,” Byakuya warned.

“That’s okay. I made it for her.”

Byakuya took a deep inhale of his tea steam. “It is just like you,” he opined, “to put as much care into an amusement for an infant as you would into a great work of art.”

Toushirou’s ears burned, but Matsumoto just laughed. “You are so right, Captain Kuchiki! Classic Captain Hitsugaya, am I right?”

“Yes,” Byakuya agreed. “Classic Captain Hitsugaya.” He took a sip of the tea. “Truly, this tea is returning me from the brink of death. I thank you.”

“Well, I do expect you to take this baby away eventually,” Toushirou tried to grumble. It was hard to get properly grumpy when Ichika was patting his ice bunny with her fat little hands and smiling a big, gummy grin. Suddenly, she stretched her arms out toward him, and made a little whimpery sound. “Sorry, this is the only one I have,” he said.

“I think she wants you to hold her,” Matsumoto suggested.

“She is mistaken,” Toushirou replied.

“Hmmm,” said Byakuya.

“I heard that! Don’t you ‘hmmm’ over there!” Toushirou snapped.

“Abarai has conjectured that Ichika is able to identify Rukia and himself by their reiatsu.”

“Stop.”

“That would be nonsense, obviously, except that she is a Kuchiki, so she is, of course, exceptional in every way.”

Matsumoto’s eyes went wide with delight. “Do you think she thinks Captain is Rukia?”

Toushirou winced.

“Of course not.”

Toushirou blew out a sigh of relief.

“I was only suggesting that he reminds her of Rukia. Because of the cold nature of--”

“Yes, yes, we get it!” Toushirou snapped.

“Oh, Captain,” Matsumoto made a frowny face at him, as Ichika’s face started to screw up in preparation for a full-throated Abarai howl.

“Fine, fine!” Toushirou sighed, handing the ice rabbit over to Rangiku before hefting Ichika up onto his hip. “There. You’re up. You happy now?”

Ichika leaned her head into his side, and patted his chest, making a comforting little cooing noise.

A high-pitched noise came out of Matsumoto, and she clapped her hands over her mouth. “You got a hug!”

“She has just started doing that,” Byakuya informed them grandly. “I, myself, have received several. It is adorable, is it not?”

Toushirou pointedly avoided looking at Matsumoto’s face, which was probably dissolving. Instead, he looked down at the sticky little gremlin who had her cheek pressed into his haori. “Yeah,” he admitted. “It’s pretty great.”

[ifuckinglovestvincent]

St Vincent: “Pour a Drink, Smoke a Joint... That’s the Vibe”

Ding dong! Daddy's Home

By Johnny Davis

19/03/2021

Annie Clark, known professionally as St Vincent, picked up a guitar aged 12 after being inspired by Jimi Hendrix. During her teens she worked as a roadie and later tour manager for her aunt and uncle, the jazz duo Tuck & Patti. Originally from Oklahoma, she moved to Dallas, Texas when she was seven and later attended the Berklee College of Music in Boston, Massachusetts for three years, before dropping out.

Clark worked as a touring musician with the Polyphonic Spree and Sufjan Stevens, before releasing Marry Me, her first album as St Vincent, in 2007. By her fifth album, 2017’s Masseduction, she had become one of the most celebrated artists in music, the first solo female artist to win a Grammy Award for Best Alternative Album in 20 years.

She became unlikely Daily Mail-fodder around the same time, thanks to an 18-month relationship with Cara Delevingne, and later Kristen Stewart. Her ever-changing music, dressing up-box image and head-spinning well of ideas have seen her compared to David Bowie, Kate Bush and Prince. To complete the notion of her being the "artist's artist", in 2012 she collaborated with David Byrne on the album Love This Giant.

Indeed, she is surely one of few performers today who could stand in for Kurt Cobain with what’s-left-of-Nirvana, performing “Lithium” at their induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2014, as well as cover “Controversy” at a Prince tribute concert in 2020, with such guitar-playing fireworks its author would surely have approved.

Following the glam-influenced pop of Masseduction, St Vincent has performed another stylistic handbrake turn. Complete with a new image – part-Warhol Superstar, part-Cassavetes heroine – she has mined the textures of the music she loved most as a kid: the virtuoso rock of Steely Dan, the clipped funk of Stevie Wonder and blue-eyed soul of mid-Seventies' David Bowie, on her upcoming album, Daddy’s Home.

The title refers to Clark's own father, locked up in Texas for 12 years in 2010, for money laundering in a stock manipulation scheme, one in which he and his co-conspirators cheated 17,000 investors out of £35m. It is also, in typical Clark style, a bit of saucy slang.

Back on the promotional trail, Clark Zoomed in from Los Angeles one morning recently – fully caffeinated and raring to go. “My vices?” she pondered. “Too much coffee, man…”

What question are you already bored of being asked?

There’s not one that’s popping out. There’s no question where I’m like “Oh God, if I ever hear that again, I’ll jump off a building.” I’m chill.

I mention it because prior to releasing your last record you put out a pre-recorded “press conference”, seemingly to pre-empt every inane question the media would throw at you.

It’s so funny. It didn’t really occur like that. Originally that was supposed to be a legit green screen conference. Like, “I’ll just answer these questions ‘cos when they need to have me on ‘The Morning Show’ in Belarus they can have this and put their own graphics behind it”. But then when my friend Carrie Brownstein [collaborator and Sleater-Kinney vocalist-guitarist] and I started writing it and it became very snarky. For some reason it didn’t occur to me that “Oh, that might be off-putting or intimidating to journalists” I just thought "This is silly”. So anyway… I understand.

We're curious about your dad and the American legal system.

I have had a lot of questions about that. For some reason it didn’t occur to me how much I would be answering questions about… my hilarious father!

How do you view his time in prison?

Just that life is long and people are complicated. And that, luckily, there’s a chance for redemption or reconciliation, even after a really crazy traumatic time. And also anybody that has any experience with the American justice system will know this... nobody comes out unscathed.

You recently presented an online MasterClass: "St. Vincent Teaches Creativity & Songwriting". One of the takeaways: “All you need are ears and ideas, and you can make anything happen”. Who’s had the best ideas in music?

Well, you’ve got to give credit to people who were genuinely creating a new style – like if you think of Charlie Parker, arguably he created a new style. This hard bop that was just absolutely impossible to play. It was, like, “Check me out – try to copy me!” So, that’s interesting. I think Brian Eno, for sure, has some great ideas about music – and obviously has made some of the best music. Joni Mitchell – completely singular. I mean: think about that. There are some people who are actually inimitable – like, you couldn’t possibly even try to imitate them.

It’s a brave soul who covers a Joni Mitchell song. Although, apologies if you actually have.

No, I have not. And there’s a reason why not. Come on – Bowie. Bowie never repeated himself. David Byrne also didn’t repeat himself. He took all of his influences of classic songs and the disco that was happening at the time, and the potpourri of downtown New York music from the mid- to late Seventies… and synthesised it into this completely new, other thing. I mean, that’s impressive. Those are the ones we remember.

How hard is it not to repeat yourself?

It’s whether people have the Narcissus thing or not. Like, it’s always got to be a balance where you’re, like, “Well, I need to believe in myself to make something and be liberated. But I can’t look at that pond of my previous work and go ‘Oh you! You’re gorgeous!’” So I don’t go back and listen to things I’ve done. I finished Daddy’s Home in the fall and it was, like, “This is done” and it felt great. I loved the record and it was so fun to make. But what I did immediately afterwards was to write something completely different. But then I don’t know, ‘cos there are people who do the thing that they do just great. And you just want to hear more songs, in the style of the thing that they do great.

Right. No one wants an experimental Ramones album.

Exactly. Or, like, or a Tom Petty record. I don’t want a tone poem from Tom Petty! I want a perfectly constructed, perfectly written completely singalongable three-chord song.

The new album has a very “live” Seventies feel. I’d read that some of the tracks are first takes. Can that be right? It all sounds very complicated.

That’s not right. I should say [rock voice] "Yeah, that’s right, we just jammed…" But, you know, I’ll be honest. There are some vocal takes in there that are first takes. But it really is just the sound of people playing. We get good drum takes. And good bass takes. And I play a bunch of guitar and sitar-guitar. And it’s the sound of a moment in time, certainly. And way more about looseness and groove and feel and vibe than anything else [I’ve done before].

Amazing live albums, virtuoso playing, jamming – those were staples of Seventies music. Have we lost some of that?

I mean, I can wax poetic on that idea for a minute. In the Seventies you had this tremendous sophistication in popular music. Stevie Wonder, Steely Dan and funk and soul and jazz and rock…. and all of the things rolled into one. That was tremendously sophisticated. It just was. There was harmony, there were chord progressions.

What else from that decade appealed to you for Daddy’s Home?

It reminds me of where we are now, I think. So, 1971-1976 in downtown New York, you’ve got the Summer of Love thing and flower children and all the hippy stuff and it’s, like, “Oh yeah, that didn’t work out that well. We’re still in Vietnam. There’s a crazy economic crisis, all kinds of social unrest”. People stood in the proverbial burned-out building. And it reminds me a lot of where we are today, in terms of social unrest, economic uncertainty. A groundswell wanting change... but where that’s headed is yet to be seen. We haven’t fully figured that out. We’re all picking up pieces of the rubble and going “Okay, what do we do with this one? Where do we go with that one?” Being a student of history, that was one of the reasons why I was drawn to that period in history.

Also: that’s the music I’ve listened to more than anything in my entire life. I mean, I was probably the youngest Steely Dan fan. It didn’t make me that popular at sleepovers. People were, like, “I want to listen to C+C Music Factory” and I was, like, “Yeah, but have you heard this solo on [Steely Dan’s] ‘Kid Charlemagne’”? That music is so in me. It’s so in my ears and I feel like I never really went there [making music before]. And I didn’t want to be a tourist about it. It’s just that particular style had a whole lot to teach me. So I wanted to just dig in and find out. Just play with it.

Is there a style of music you don’t like?

That I don’t like?

You're a jazz fan...

I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”

I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”

That does sound quite precocious for a 14-year-old.

It’s annoying. Just insufferable. [Thinking aloud] What music don’t I like….? Here’s what can happen. And I feel like it’s similar to when an actor has some lines in a script and they’re not very good – not very well-written – so they overcompensate by making it very dramatic and really overplaying it. I would say that is a style of music that I don’t really like. Where somebody has to really oversell it and it all feels… athletic. Instead of musical or touching.

Did you put your lockdown time to constructive use?

If you need any mediocre home renovations done, I’m your girl. It was fun. I did – let’s see now – plumbing, electrical, painting. Luckily there’s YouTube, so you can more or less figure it all out. I did a lot of that stuff and I have to say it was such a nice contrast to working on music all day. Because when you’re working on music you have to create the construct of everything. You’re, like, “I need to make this song. But what is this song?” Everything is this kind of elusive castle in the sky thing. But then, if you go and sand a deck, you’ve done something. It feels really good. And it’s not, like, “What is a deck? And who am I?” You’re just, like, “This is a task and I get to do it and I can see how the mechanism works I understand it it’s not esoteric – it’s simply mechanical". I can do something mechanical. I loved it.

Which bit of DIY are you most pleased with?

Painting the kitchen cabinets. That’s a real job. We’re talking sanding. We’re talking taking things off hinges. We’re talking multiple coats. The whole lacquer-y thing at the end. That. I’m, like, “That looks pretty pro”.

What colour did you go for?

Oh, you know, it’s just a sort of… teal. But classy teal.

Of course.

Yeah. The wallpapering wasn’t as successful. But, you know, that’s fine. So that was really fun. And then I also went down a history rabbit hole. I realised I had some gaps in my knowledge about the Russian Revolution and life under the Iron Curtain and the gulags and Stalin and Lenin. So, I went down that hole. And then I was like “Oh I forgot – I haven’t read any Dostoevsky”. So I have been working on his short stories – which are great. And then Solzhenitsyn I really liked – I mean liked is a strange word to use for The Gulag Archipelago. I read Cancer Ward… All of them. I recommend all of it. And then, before that, it was a big Stasi kick. I can’t remember the last time I had time to brush up on the Russian Revolution.

There’s a lyric on “The Laughing Man”, “If life’s a joke… then I’m dying laughing”. It’s also on your new merchandise. What do you think happens when we die?

Nothing.

This is it?

Yeah. I mean, I understand that it would be comforting to think otherwise. That there might be a special place. It would be nice! The thought’s never really been able to stick for me. I would say that we are made of carbon and then we get subsumed back into the Earth and then eventually we become life again – in the carbon part of our makeup.

Well, that sounds better than an endless void.

I don’t think it would be an endless void.

In what ways are you like your mum and dad?

Let’s see. Well, my mother is a precious angel who has unwavering optimism. She is incredibly intelligent and also very nonjudgmental and able and happy to explore all kinds of possibilities. Saying that, though… it’s sounding not like me at all. I’m like my father in that I think we have very similar tastes in books, films, music and a very similar sense of humour. My mother’s so kind that it’s hard for me to… Her level of kindness and decency is aspirational to me.

How famous are you, on a scale of one to 10?

God, I mean, like, “TikTok Famous” probably a one, right? I’m gonna say – I don’t know about the number system – but I’m going to say I-occasionally-get-a-free-appetiser-sent-over famous. Which is a great place to be.

What do you look for in a date?

It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date. You know, I once read something, it might have been something cheesy on a card, but [it was]: if you don’t like someone, then the way they hold their fork will bother you. But, if you like someone – or love someone – they could spill an entire plate of spaghetti on your lap and you wouldn’t mind.

You play a zillion instruments. What’s the hardest instrument to play?

Well, I can’t play horns or anything like that. The French horn is supposed to be really hard. I don’t like to blag… but I’m an incredible whistler. Like, I can whistle Bach.

Is Bach a particularly tough whistle?

I think… yeah. It’s fast. And noodly.

What’s the first thing you’re going to do when we're out of lockdown?

I’m gonna get a manicure and a pedicure and a massage. Massage from a stranger. Any stranger.

What about a night on the tiles?

I will probably attend a dinner party.

That sounds quite restrained.

It sounds hella boring. Sorry.

Clubbing?

No, I don’t really go to clubs. I think in order to go to clubs you have to be a person who likes to publicly dance. And I don’t publicly dance. I mean I would feel too shy to dance at a wedding. But for some reason I will dance on stage in front of 10,000 people.

That’s why alcohol was invented.

Exactly! But I swear I would reach the point of alcohol sickness before I would be drunk enough to dance.

The effects of drugs on creativity: discuss.

Unreliable. Really unreliable. Sometimes after a day’s work in the studio you’re like, "I’m gonna have shot of tequila and then sing this a few more times, and then play". It’s okay but you peak sort-of quickly. You can’t sustain the level without getting tired. And then I would say that weed just makes me paranoid and useless. Every once in a while some combo of psychedelics can get you someplace. But, for the most part, you either come back to [the work] the next day and you’re, like, “This is garbage” or you get sleepy or hungry or distracted and you’re not really doing anything. I’ve never had opiates. Or coke or whatever. So I don’t know. I can’t speak to that. But with the slightly more G-Rated [American movie classification: All Ages Permitted] thing, it doesn’t really help.

What do you have too many of in your wardrobe?

I’m not a hoarder. I tend to have one thing that I get really obsessed with and then I wear it every day. Some people, having a whole lot of things gives them a sense of safety and security. It gives me anxiety. I can’t think if there’s too much visual noise. If there was a uniform that I could wear every day I would absolutely do that. And at certain times I have.

Like Steve Jobs?

Or, oh God, what’s her name? The Theranos lady… Elizabeth Holmes!

The blood-test-scam lady?

Well, I guess it was unclear how much of it was self-delusion and how much of it was, you know, actual fraud.

Another black turtleneck fan.

And – again, this is unconfirmed – she also adopted a very low voice like this in order to be taken seriously as a CEO.

Like Margaret Thatcher.

Did she have a low voice?

She made hers “less shrill”.

Oh yes. Yes!

What movie makes you cry?

The Lives of Others

That’s a good one.

Right. I rewatched that during my Stasi kick.

I’ll be honest, your lockdown sounds even less fun than everyone else’s.

I mean… Look, I had to educate myself. I went to a music college [Berklee College of Music] where I tried to take the philosophy class and the way that they would talk about it… it was taught by this professor who was from one of the neighbouring colleges in Boston. And it was very clear that he really disliked having to talk Kierkegaard to a bunch of music school kids. He was just so bummed by it. I’m trying to learn, “What’s the deal with Kant?” and he felt he had to explain everything only in musical terms [because he assumed it would be the only thing music students could relate to]. Like, “Well, you know, it’s like when Bob Marley…" I’m, like, “No, no, no! I don’t want that!” So I had to educate myself. This is where its led me.

Where should we ideally listen to Daddy’s Home?

Put it on a turntable. Pour yourself a glass of tequila or bourbon – whatever your favourite hooch is – and smoke a joint and listen to it. I think that’s the vibe.

Daddy’s Home is released on May 14

[literaltrashforeverything]

obnoxious songs they blast while picking you up | pt. 1

Ft. Daichi, Sugawara, Tanaka, Hinata, Kuroo, Yaku, Oikawa, Matsukawa, Hanamaki, Daisho

Warnings: Language, dorky boys, some songs are 18+ lmao sorry kids

A/n: I don’t really know where this idea came from. I was just vibing and listening to music and had the epiphany that I listen to obnoxious shit and decided to put some of them into writing and then it turned into this lol.  I feel like half the boys in this show are petty as fuck and would do this just because of a small fight.  This is also published to Ao3 and there will be a part 2!

Daichi – Bad Boys from COPS

This fucker probably pulls up to your job in a police car, windows rolled down, and blasts this song. Everyone in the general vicinity is just staring.  You are too, but you’re staying in place because your husband is the worst human on earth.

He points at you and motions for you to get in the car, smirking.

You can’t even see his eyes. He’s wearing the classic cop aviators.

Honestly, fuck this guy.

You’re head is lowered as you shamble toward the car, face red, before getting in the passenger seat.

“I’m never asking you to pick me up again, Daichi.”

“Awe, you love it, babe. Plus you’re riding in style.”

This isn’t what you’d call style, especially when he blasting this particular song.

He even has the audacity to turn on the sirens and the lights as he drives away from your workplace.

You’ll have your revenge. . .

Sugawara – Can-Can by Offenbach

You think the person pulling up in a car that’s blasting Can-Can is a genius while also being extremely annoying, until you realize that’s your genius but annoying ass husband.

Sugawara rolls down the window and smirks at you. He’s trying to look cool, doing the whole single-hand on the steering wheel and one arm out the window thing.

And really, he would look cool if he wasn’t playing Can-Can.

“Twerk for me babe.”

You pull the hood of your jacket up and awkwardly walk to the car.

Your face is bright red, but let’s be real, the second you are both in the car together you’re headbutting your asses off to Can-Can because it’s an amazing song.

Fuck y’all if you disagree.

(Jk I love you anyway)

Yeah, he blasts Can-Can a lot at home just because it's amazing.

Usually he does it before cleaning the house because it's very motivating.

Tanaka – Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes

First off, this is the best song that’s ever been created in the history of music.

You can fight me on that.

Anyway-

Tanaka pulls up in your guys’ mini van because it just had the oil changed, and as payback for making him drive a mini van, he thinks he’ll be a little cooler if he just blasts the most badass song ever.

It’s really not. . .

Everyone is staring at Tanaka because for some reason your mini van has hella bass so it’s just vibrating everything in the general vicinity.

You stare at him, smiling, but internally raging. Your husband stares back, smirking widely and very mischievously.

He even dares to lean over the passenger seat and open the door for you.

“C’mon, baby. Get in and be cool with me.”

Hinata – Fur Elise by Beethoven (Klutch Dubstep Remix)

He’s not even trying to be embarrassing. He’s just legitimately vibing with this song when he picks you up.

He probably just got out of volleyball practice, too, so he’s in a tanktop and shorts, sunglasses on his head, and looks like he’s on top of the world as he waits for you to come over to where he’s pulled up and he’s literally headbanging to the song.

It takes you like a whole minute before you realize that’s literally your husband.

You’re like *surprised pikachu face*.

Just let him vibe. . . Don’t ruin his vibe. . .

You just go to the car and get in the passenger seat quietly. He doesn’t even notice because he’s vibing so hard.  He’s doing hand movements and everything, as if he’s the one playing the piano.

When the song ends and he sees you sitting there, his face just lights up.

“Hey, baby! How was work?”

You smile and go on to tell him about your day. You don’t bother to tell him that your entire workplace just witnessed him aggressively headbanging to Fur Elise.

Kuroo – WAP by Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion (but the Rihanna S&M mashup)

You and your husband had a fight earlier that morning. It was over basically nothing (it was about you not making him breakfast because you woke up late -.- This petty fucker—), and you did not apologize to him.

Never let a fight linger with Kuroo’s petty ass.

You watch your husband’s car pull up to the curb, where you’re waiting for him. The music could literally be heard from three blocks away.

Kuroo rolls down the window, smirking, and turns to you.

Deadass, this fucker is shirtless, and wearing aviator sunglasses that he casually pulls down to look at you from over the rim.  His hair is even slicked back and he looks hot.

His arm is dangling over the steering wheel and the song is just blasting.

“Hey, kitten~”

Your face is absolutely burning. Everyone in the general vicinity is staring at this shirtless, attractive motherfucker who you unfortunately chose to marry.

“I’m not making you breakfast for a week, Kuroo.”

You don’t even call him by his first name even though you literally have the same last name as him.

“What!? >:(“

This is probably how he picks you up everyday until you make him breakfast.

Yaku – S my D by Blood on the Dancefloor

This is another case of the man being a petty bitch because of a minor fight.

You may or may not have called your husband short earlier this morning, and you both laughed it off after he scolded you for calling him short. You genuinely thought it was over with until. . .

. . . he’s picking you up for work.

You didn’t even know this song existed until this exact moment, but the lyrics are so vulgar.

Yaku has all the windows down and is screaming this song as it blasts from the speakers.

You deadass just turn around and pretend you don’t know him.

You’re literally five seconds away from just walking home, honestly.

“Isn’t that your husband, Yaku-chan?” one of your coworkers asks.

You glance at the car where your husband is still jamming.

“Hm, nope. Don’t know that guy.  What a weirdo.”

Yeah, everyone knows you’re married to that lunatic but no one says anything.

Oikawa – I’m a Barbie Girl by Aqua

Why wouldn’t he? This fucker probably thinks he’s a living Ken doll.

Jk, but seriously.

You guys had a fight a whole week ago about his haircut. All you said was that he should cut it a little because it was growing into his eyes and he gasps like you’ve just murdered his whole family.

Yeah, he’s dramatic.

So, the next time you ask him to pick you up from work? Well, he’s obviously playing this song and he’s actually jamming to it.

He’s wearing sunglasses and staring at you like he’s staring into your soul.

He only sings the Ken parts and points at you at the Barbie parts like he expects you to actually sing back.

You’re so embarrassed because everyone is staring.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows the obvious implications of the song so all the older people around are mildly horrified.

“C’mon, Barbie. Let’s go home,” Oikawa says, winking.

You’ve never wanted to murder your husband as bad as you do right now.

Matsukawa – Skibidi by Little Big

First off, go watch the music video if you haven’t.

. . is this even a surprise?

Your husband is chaotic and he probably forced you to learn the dance with him. You both will randomly turn it on at inopportune moments and fully expect the other person to start the dance (someone do this with me).

You shouldn’t be surprised when your husband pulls up, looking innocent, before beginning to blare the song with all the windows rolled down.

Suddenly he looks like a maniac with the way he’s grinning.

Your jaw drops to the ground and you just stand there for a moment in shock.

Your face is bright red but you’re smiling stubbornly as you begin the horrific dance.

Matsukawa laughs. He literally gets out of the car and starts dancing with you like an idiot.

Everyone is watching in awe and honestly they should be jealous that you guys have so much fun.

Best husband.

Hanamaki – I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers

This is probably a common occurrence honestly. This bitch is chaotic as shit so if you think he wasn’t going to be harassing you every time he picks you up then you’re wrong.

At this point it’s just a challenge to see how far he can go.

Pulls up blaring this song and rolls down the window revealing him to be wearing a beach-themed button up (ya know, the classic dad ones) and he’s smirking like a fucking maniac.

Points at you just before the chorus.

You’re smiling like an idiot because he’s just so stupid and lovable.

“I WOULD WALK 500 MILES AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE~!!”

He’s screaming so loud that you can’t believe his vocal chords haven’t snapped.

Maki starts doing the rope-pull thing and you play along and go to the car.

Yes, you guys sit in the parking lot screaming that song together until it ends.

Honestly, everyone at your workplace just thinks your husband is the coolest guy ever.

Daisho – Daddy by PSY

Probably thought he was the funniest guy on the face of the Earth when he pulled up to your job blaring this song. He looks like a real cool guy, too.

Sunglasses, short-sleeved shirt to show off muscular biceps, slicked hair.

Ya man has the whole shebang.

You just stare at him, jaw dropped when Daisho turns to you with a smirk. He’s nudges his sunglasses down a little to look at you over the rim.

“Hey, babe,” he greets, too casually for your liking.

The music is so loud that you barely even hear him.

His smirk only stretches wider when he sees your growing embarrassment.

“C’mon, you like my body, just admit it!” he calls.

You get into the car before he can keep talking. You quickly roll up your window but the other three are still down and you know in your heart that there’s no escaping your husband’s will to embarrass you.

“I’ll get payback.”

“Sure you will, babe.”

[tiffgeorgina]

what did you think of the new episode???

OH LORD i had a lotttt of thoughts on this episode, understandably. CONTENT WARNING FOR DISCUSSIONS OF SUICIDE AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF THIS POST (it’s a long paragraph). also obviously spoiler warning for 2x08.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

please reach out to somebody if you’re feeling distressed after this episode, or if you or a loved one is considering self harm or suicide. im always here if you need somebody to vent or talk to. i love you all and i would be devastated if anything happened to any of you. 

anyways, episode discussion below:

-first of all, the corgina scene at the very beginning was PRICELESS. tiff and corkie had it DOWN until tiff lost her cool. i was DYING. casey wilson invented the word “fuck.”

-marcus/dawn and connie/mo double date. this whole scene had me CACKLING. marcus being such a comrade was not at all what i expected. the three-on-one connie smackdown i could not BREATHE. also includes classic moments such as “we’re doing black shit right now keith” and regina stealing every scene she’s in. also WOMEN xosha roquemore (connie) in dark lipstick is the best part of s2 prove me wrong

-also kind of out of order but dawn calling mo her best friend did not sit right... like in my soul. it’s like inherently wrong. so STRANGE to hear her say that.

-but connie sucks at being subtle lmfao dawn was not having any of that 

-“i can’t vote. im a felon” just out of nowhere GOD. and the fact that that’s the first time dawn’s learning that mo went to prison is fucked up. i’ve never seen a woman want a man to shut up so badly, and i’ve never been so glad that said man did not shut up lmfao

-tiff and blair’s apartment looks so good yes god!! also this season keeps referencing blair’s parents and it’s kind of putting me on edge. especially since next episode is “blair [being] forced to revisit his past.” on another note, andrew’s voice in this scene is SO FUNNY. you can tell he’s a voice actor i think

-also like we knew blair was into older men but now we like know lmfao. the richard gere jokes had LAYERS these writers outsold

-ok blair&tiff’s relationship... yikes. i cannot tell what the writers want their relationship to be. are they unhealthy and toxic and bad to each other? or are they platonic soulmates and life partners? make up your MIND, showtime.

-DON’T INFANTILIZE THE CUP BYE KJDFHGDFKJ

-first blarris scene was TENSE. acting good

-the confirmation that roger has kids... i mean i suspected it from the moment tuc’s character was announced in september but it makes the ending so much more painful. i KNOW that’s the only reason why they pushed the fact that the harrises are parents in this episode, bc it was never confirmed earlier.

-i hate how funny michael hitchcock is. im trying to hate newell but im laughing. why are his lines so funny who wrote this. 

-the sound design in this episode was a lot to take in. the music was intense asf and it stays intense throughout the whole ep

-keith cracking onto blair and trying to reconcile with him bc he’s feeling empathetic but blair shutting him down... can’t say keith doesn’t deserve it but i would’ve loved to have seen keith and blair just talk about being closeted and having affairs and shit.

-THE TRUMP CHILDREN LMFAOOOO they all look so smug the casting was great this ep

-mo shit talking connie TO HER FACE bc he knows connie can’t give up the act... fucking priceless i love to see it acab

-dawnroe physical contact hhhhh can you tell im rewatching this ep as i type this

-the wording on the “you’re with the FBI?” line is so perfect. bc it makes it totally sound like dawn’s onto mo and connie when really she’s just like “you’re siding with the FBI bitch?” highkey genius line

-posted this too early by accident oops. im still editing im not done yet lmfao

-MARCUS MO AND DAWN SAID ACAB FUCK YES

-ROGER GRABBING BLAIR’S HAND I AM ASCENDING. i knew about the hand holding scene there but i didn’t think roger would initiate it <3

-roger nearly kissing blair :’/

-LORD the trump children are little shits god

-daddy says it makes me look hot. you mean cute? ...no.

-oh GOD not this blarris scene. i like to believe that a gay person generally wouldn’t threaten to out another gay person on principle, but blair has shown how shitty of a person he's become all season. i hate it and it’s still ooc but i’ve seen worse on this show tbh.

-roger’s got a point, if he supports his campaign fund manager right off the bat, he’ll look like a total fraud and his career will be over. the fact that blair barely gives a shit really speaks to what his character has become. “fuck them” what a classic line

-ANDREW’S ACTING!!! his voice when he says “you use me” ugh i felt that in my chest. plus roger looking away after he says that... i mean god this cast is so talented

-blair snapping god. he’s got a point, he and roger have been dysfunctional asf all season. doesn’t justify threatening to out somebody AT ALL but finally hearing some emotion out of blair, a little bit of anger and frustration, it’s refreshing.

-does “who are you, blair?” count as a parallel to “who are you, pfaff?” from 1x01?

-blair outing roger to newell... yikes. again ooc and bad. blair’s a shitty guy but we’ve seen him have empathy before, even in s2. why would they make him do this i don’t get it.

-keith finding out about lenny is good. maybe something will finally come of this arc?

-parallel to 2x02 with blair mentioning his mom’s phrase, cool. probably gearing us up for more references to his parents next ep, culminating in a flashback to his childhood in 2x10.

-this scene where the trump kids are destroying everything is classic. you can genuinely tell that everybody there was having so much fun shooting that. idk, it’s nice.

-trump reveal HA what a great end to that scene

-keith coming by and fucking everything up... i mean i guess everybody KNOWS now. dawn/marcus is over (good) and dawn is probably right pissed at mo rn. but hey, fuck em all resurgence!!! ive been waiting for it and now it’s here!

-im scared, what’s connie gonna do? fuck cops

-“that’s a long way to go just to get a dig in” “it was a stretch but-” see what happens when you’re a narc? you lose your wit :/ sad! nice exit line from connie tho

-CW SUICIDE MENTION. ok time to talk about what definitely needs to be talked about. god this has had my chest hurting all day yesterday. i knew blarris would be outed eventually bc sho likes to milk every plot point for every bit of drama they can get out of it, but i did not expect roger to take his life. and blair finding him is just devastating. i said this on twt, but the fact that somebody could be so overwhelmed with internalized homophobia that being outed could cause them to commit suicide is so incredibly and deeply sad to me. i’ve been crying for a while over that fact. 

im just. im really sad. i’ve connected so much with these characters over the past two-ish years and this is such a devastating turn of events. i have no words. it isn’t bad writing or ooc by any means, it’s just so extremely and incredibly sad. there are probably thousands of people who have been in roger’s exact position before, and the realism really hits me hard. i can’t put into words how overwhelming sad this makes me. 

also pretty upset that this came as a COMPLETE shock to me and all my friends. we all watched on the sho streaming service, which did not have the “viewer discretion advised” card before the ep. the premier did, but the episode on the app did not. i really REALLY wish they had added that before i had seen the episode so i could prepare myself, even if just slightly. also wish they had added a suicide hotline number at the end. 

seeing blair grieve his loss is going to hurt but it’s probably going to give us closure too. i think about this show all the time, and now thinking about it makes me so overwhelmingly sad. i sound dramatic but this show has been with me for so long. not being able to see much of blair’s reaction beside the initial shock has been haunting me. im so scared for what the future episodes are going to bring.

thank you for reading, i love you all <3

[hornyliverpudlianputz]

What are some TV shows that you highly recommend? (I love The Monkees, but they don't have to be similar to it) Thanks!

Hhhoooo boyyyyyy. Ok I’m going in completely blind here so I will take the shotgun approach. (Bless you anon, I love recommending things.) 

Classic comedies -

The Dick Van Dyke Show: an absolute comedy classic, and Rose Marie and Mary Tyler Moore are main characters! Is great! Can get a little sexist at times but honestly not as bad as it could have been. It’s in black and white and, as a product of the time, Van Dyke will frequently kiss his young son on the mouth in greeting. It is NOT sexual AT ALL but if that makes you uncomfortable, be warned.

I Love Lucy: duh. I mean do I even have to describe this one? Watch it, it’s great!

The Carol Burnett Show: another very funny lady. Their sketch parody of “Gone With The Wind” had me laughing so hard I was not physically producing sound any more.

Get Smart: a spy comedy from the 60s, The Monkees reference it a few times. Has some ridiculously funny catchphrases.

Hogan’s Heroes: set in a WWII POW camp in Germany, is basically a funny version of the howling commandos from Captain America. Again, sexist as a product of their time, but funny none the less. One of the first major sitcoms to have a main black character, and has a lot of behind-the-scenes epicness. Obviously, because of the setting, the main antagonists are Nazis, but I feel it’s important to point out that they are made to look incompetent at ever turn. (A lot of the main/reoccurring cast are either Jewish or come from Jewish families, and the actor who plays LeBeau is actually a Holocaust survivor. Trust me when I say the Nazis never win.)

MASH: you probably see me post about this a lot here besides The Monkees, I love this show. It’s very long, 11 seasons, and transforms over the course of it’s run from a slapstick comedy to a short drama with witty jokes. It’s set in a mobile medical unit during the Korean War so it can get pretty bloody and does not shy away from gallows humor. Is sexist at the beginning but it gets better, same with period typical racism towards Asians. (The guy who plays BJ, a main character, was a guest on The Monkees and I LOST MY SHIT.)

Monty Python’s Flying Circus: a British sketch comedy show from the 70s. These are the same people who do “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” and “Life of Brian” so they are very funny. Unfortunately a lot of it was political satire at the time so it has the tendency to go completely over our heads now, but still great. Other British sketch comedies I love include A Bit of Fry and Laurie with Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie and Not The Nine O’Clock News that has Rowen Atkinson.

Classic dramas - 

Dragnet: I haven’t had a huge opportunity to watch a lot of this, but it’s an old police procedural that actually started as a radio drama. It’s a bit stiff, but it’s NOT as bad as Ben Casey so I’d give it a try.

Star Trek: classic 60s, you had to have seen this coming. Horrifically cheesy special effects, costumes, acting, and music, but man has it got heart. Please do also check out all of the other Star Treks.

Columbo: this is an epic police procedural that turns the typical formula on it’s head; the audience follows the murderer rather than the detective. Basically we watch the lead-up to the crime, usually the crime itself, and then we watch Detective Columbo come in and destroy the criminal piece by piece. It’s great and Peter Falk is a national treasure. Suffers from “black people don’t exists” 70s syndrome, but is basically about rich white people killing each other because they have too much time on their hands so like. Yeah.

More recent shows that are no longer running -

The West Wing: listen. This show is one of the only dramas to effectively work really good comedy writing into itself. It will also teach you about American politics and you won’t mind. I sat down to start this show thinking I would watch one episode to give it a try and then go to bed. I watched 3 in a row. Also Martin Sheen I mean come on.

Psych: very funny crime show about an adult child with daddy issues and his fiscally responsible best friend solving crimes by pretending to be psychic because the police wouldn’t believe he has hyperobservational skills. Has great character development and does not take itself seriously at all. Great show.

Leverage: do you like heists? Well this show does a heist an episode. Basically it’s a team of specialized criminals that work together to Robin Hood it up as they learn to love each other as family. What’s not to love.

Due South: again, I have had little opportunity to actually watch this, but it’s about a Canadian Mountie working with the Chicago PD. Hijinks ensue. Also apparently ghosts get involved later? Can’t wait.

Teen Wolf: ok so like. This is closer to brain candy than Really Great Writing but. The main cast is solid and it’s a fun supernatural drama. I did a rant post at one point about the super good background queer rep so you know. Also Dylan O’Brien.

Black Sails: a show combining fictional pirate characters from “Treasure Island” with real historical pirates while events that set up “Treasure Island” occur. It is extremely full on, expect nudity, violence, rape, flashbacks, and swearing. However it handles these issues well, and gets aggressively more queer as the show goes on. Also the ladies kick ass.

Scrubs: it didn’t age super well, and we don’t talk about the last season, but this is a very funny medical comedy that is sort of the inverse of The West Wing in terms of writing; this is a comedy that does dramatic writing really well. It’s in a hospital though so like, gross and sad things happen sometimes.

Shows that are currently airing -

Letterkenny: I post about this occasionally here, it’s a very funny Canadian comedy about a small rural town. The dialogue can be difficult to follow because it uses a lot of Canadian slang and is very quick fire, but it’s hilarious. Has the benefit of not only including Native characters, but actually casting Native actors in those roles. Has the most creative swearing I have ever witnessed and it is glorious to behold. Is getting progressively more queer. Also, while sexy fun times are talked about, thus far there is absolutely no PDA, not even kissing, on screen which, as an aroace, is nice.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: a cop comedy. Racially and sexually diverse, is still holding up after 5 seasons. Has the distinction of not going down hill after acting on romantic tension between main characters. Brilliantly satirical writing and will call absolutely anyone out.

BoJack Horseman: extremely dark Netflix animated comedy. It covers a lot of intense subjects like depression, substance abuse, emotional abuse, and self-loathing, but it explores them in a really well-written way. Has the distinction of making one of the main characters (Todd) realize he is ace over the course of the series, and it is the best damn ace rep I have ever seen. Suffers from a fanbase of dudebros who try to use the main character to excuse their actions, but literally called itself out for this in the latest season. Epic.

Archer: an animated comedy about a spy organization that is made up of people who cannot work together because they are awful and selfish. Is hysterically funny but quite raunchy and hints at larger issues, like alcoholism and emotional abuse. But again, dark comedy.

That’s all I’ve got anon, and if anyone has recommendations for me hmu!

[nightskywonderer]

New52 Wonder Woman vs Rebirth Wonder Woman

New52 Wonder Woman and Rebirth Wonder Woman are obviously drastically different. The transition was done so poorly just like Superman’s. It’s a mess that wasn’t worth it and some of the praise of Rebirth, in my opinion, is questionable and hypocritical because new 52 was supposedly so “hated”. Let’s see what Rebirth has taken away from Wonder Woman in order for her to “know her place” as a female character and be a comfort for some insecure fans.

Personality/Appearance: New52 Diana loved life. Lived it to the fullest and didn’t give a shit to please anyone. She didn’t accept anyone’s crap or rules. She kept it real. She knew her own truth in her heart regardless of her Godly and Amazonian family. She was fierce and confident. She liked ice cream, trying new foods, going dancing. She was a free spirit that truly was an inspiration.

There was a complaint about her appearance. This complaint came up with Superman/Wonder Woman 28 drawn by Ed Benes. She looked like a doll, the bedroom eyes, pouty lips, big boobs, curves, etc….well I’m not sure why the hell this was a complaint. She has the gift of beauty from Aphrodite. She is an Amazon and Demi-Goddess. She isn’t going to look like the average mortal woman.

The Kal and Diana scene in that issue was drawn with emotion but of course had to have that sexiness in it. Oh but wait…it was too much. Some SM/WW scenes has been labeled as too sexy/risqué no matter how tamed and tasteful the scene was. Are we to bow down to a bunch of prudes? No…but DC did with Rebirth.

On to Rebirth Wonder Woman…she is a lost soul or could be just soulless. She is always sad, easily put into the background as nothing more than a follower. She isn’t vibrant at all just depressing and stiff. A hypocrite and not that smart. She doesn’t know her truth. She needs to be told, hand held and guided by a man. The first man she met acting like she owes him something. She doesn’t have that fierceness and confidence. She doesn’t like soda or ice cream, nitpicks food, pretty sure she doesn’t listen to music so dancing having fun is out too.

She is drawn with either no expression at all or sad. She doesn’t exactly standout. Not sure if it’s the costume but she is drawn with less curves and basically looks like an average mortal woman…which she is NOT suppose to look like. But the obvious tone down is a shame.

Romance: New52 Wonder Woman was with a (Super)man that loved her and wanted to marry her. She had grown, matured to understand what a relationship and being in Love was. She fought for her man and their relationship never giving up. He gave her a sense of their own kind of normalcy. She didn’t have to be Wonder Woman 24/7. She wanted a life with this man and he gave her the feeling it could be possible. They can have a marriage, kids, build a home together. He was her true equal, her partner. They went through hell and back together and learned from those trails. They deserved happiness.

But that beautiful budding relationship was purposely butchered and took a 180 turn into OCC/contrived dramatics BS for…you guessed right…Rebirth.

Rebirth Wonder Woman now claims she not good with romance. She was guilt tripped to feel bad and threw herself and a dead man under the bus for supposedly loving another and not being with a specific person. She needs help and again hand held, taught how to love and to be in a relationship by a man she “thinks” she loves but still in question. It was written SM/WW was easy because they both had powers and she was insecure didn’t understand love but she really wanted/needed Steven to teach her now. Pause and Rewind… She hasn’t needed him for 30+ years, what makes anyone think now makes a difference. Because of a movie? That hype train has left. The comic world is different and there has yet to be a solid purpose for his character. Rebirth Wonder Woman is settling basically because hell that’s what’s easy for her. There is no build to this. It’s just there for “back to basics” and traditional purposes. And yes, indeed, it is basic. This isn’t really love and romance. Not at all. She comes off as shallow/cold hearted and he comes off as a cringeworthy lovesick puppy. It’s honestly pathetic. But it’s okay because it’s “tradition”.

Supporting Cast: Yeah sure, the Amazons went overboard but new52 Diana was trying to redeem them and she for the most part did succeed. I don’t give a crap about happy-go-lucky, perfect Amazons. Where is the story in that? New52 Diana also had a strained relationship with Hippolyta, yet you can still feel that mother/daughter bond deep down. That was something worth fighting for, something real. Also new52 Hippolyta was fierce. She actually had personality, made mistakes but owned them and did her damnedest to protect her daughter. Rebirth Hippolyta has no investment what so ever seems uptight, sad, stiff and weak willed too.

Her only supporting cast in rebirth is Steven, Etta, and a twin brother nobody asked for. “Classic” supporting is great if they had a meaningful and interesting purpose. Wonder Woman has a twin already. Her name is Nubia. Where is she?

Charles Soule in New 52 introduced an Amazon that lived in London named Hessia. Where did she go? Her character obviously had a story of her own. What a wasted opportunity.

The Gods: Oh how I miss Azzarello’s Gods. Especially Strife. She was perfect. She and the others weren’t running around like Disney animals or easily getting killed off by a Mary Sue villainess like in Rebirth. They created this upside down crazy world for Diana that was chaotic and dramatic but fun. I loved that Diana trained under the God of War, Ares. She turned that title and power to do good. New 52 Zeus-Daddy. He was hot with the dreads…I’m just speaking truth. Hera was a scorned woman but that didn’t stop her from letting it be known she was still the baddest Queen of the Gods. The dynamic between her and Zola was great. Apollo created a challenge for Superman as they were blending their worlds together. Sun God vs. Sun God. Who wouldn’t want to see that clash.

The nerve and audacity the Rebirth team has to try to paint new52 Wonder Woman’s entire existence as something out of character and bad but Rebirth Wonder Woman is no inspiration. She is said to be 28 years old but has been written through out Rebirth as that naive and gullible 18 year old who still can’t grasp on to life. They locked her into a mental institution for reasons still unexplained.

New52 might have been controversial in regards to fans acting self entitled and characters have to stay stagnant for their comfort, but Rebirth was a backwards move.

[geminimoonbeamx]

Bucky Barnes x Plus size reader Fingerpainting

Word Count: 2K+

Warnings: Cursing(as usaual, ya’ll know I gots a potty mouth from hell) and teetH ROTTING COTTON CANDY FLAVORED FLUFF. Daddy! Bucky has my whole heart.

Growing up, your household had been vibrant, drenched in color, music filling every nook and cranny. Your mother had been something of a free spirit; You’d been raised on Fleetwood Mac and Jimmi Hendrix, on dancing in circles and bubbling laughter. Now, as an adult you cherished those memories, they we’re such a big part of who you are. And as a mother yourself, you made sure the tradition had continued on.

Made sure your children grew up with that same magical wonder that you had.

It’s what Bucky had noticed about you first, that sparkle in your (y/c) eyes, the curiosity and mischievousness. Cat like, as he liked to refer to them. You we’re his little cat; playful and full of life. And yeah, you had a vicious set of claws, but mostly you liked to be stroked. Both figuratively and literally.

You had this way about you, one that was like sunshine. That bubbly laughter of your contagious, your dimpled smile blinding.

Falling completely fucking in love with you had been easy, natural. He instinctively sought your light and you were more then willing to share it with him, give it to him. Light him up from the inside in a way that made him get a little awestruck because he’d never thought that he’d ever find something like you. He’d accepted the frigidness that had consumed him and here you came, like an Indian summer. All plump curves and saccharine words and butterfly kisses.

And he assumed that it couldn’t get any better; to have a woman that truly deeply loved him. Despite everything… well, what could top that?

And then you’d gotten pregnant and proceeded to set his universe into technicolor chaos once more. He hadn’t even realized he could still have children, that that was still an option for him.

You gifted him with something he hadn’t even realize he’d been craving; his first child. A daughter.

Faye Rebecca Barnes.

Who had your eyes, same spark and everything. But his pretty little up turned nose and his thick, dark hair. She was a tiny hummingbird of a girl, as soon as she could walk she was off in all directions; and he followed close behind, like he always would. Where there was Faye’s chiming laughter, Bucky was close by. The bond that those two had…was something that you couldn’t even fathom sometimes. It was beautiful, to watch them. To know that you had helped to create something so pure.

…Two somethings so pure. Your stomach had never been flat; had always been plush and jiggly, but at the moment it strained out round and firmly, stretching your skin taught. Like some had stuck a basketball under your shirt.

They say pregnancy the second time around is easier. Fucking hah, who ever said that didn’t have a three year old darting around. But still- you tried to stay positive. Tried to focus more on the beautiful parts of pregnancy…even though the ugly, irritating ones came in spades. Oh, how you desperately fucking missed not having to pee every ten minutes.

Baby Barnes number two had made it a game to tap dance on your bladder.

It’s a stormy Wednesday afternoon, nothing particularly exciting or special going on: you’re sitting on the living room floor because its the only place you can seem o get comfortable with Faye, the large glass coffee table in front of you littered with oil pastes and colored pencils. Discarded papers blotches with swirls of color dispersed all over as the two of you drew idly. Bucky was laying on the couch behind you, the one that you lean against, reading the newspaper as Dumbo played on the flat screen in the background.

“Mommy what’s your favorite animal?” Faye inquires, not looking up from her paper and the long erratic strokes she’s making with a teal colored pencil. She was only three, and she’d seemed to inherit your “artistic nature” as Buck liked to call it.

“Seahorses…Or maybe flamingos. I cant decide” You scrunch your nose, focused on your own art. Sunsets and constellations stare back at you, you use your thumb to blend the smooth pastel colors into one hypnotic shade. “What’s yours, Honeybee?”

“Mermaids” Faye shrugs as though its obvious “I like pink elephants too”

From behind the newspaper, Bucky has a large grin on his face. Shaking his head a little at the two of you.

“Is that why we’ve been watching Dumbo on repeat?” He wonders, his gruff voice amused as he reads an article on ‘Stark Industries new Holliday Season Technology.’

“It’s my favorite” Faye nods. Favorite of the week, that is. Last week had been the Aristocats, the week before that Moana.

Bucky could literally sing “Your Welcome” from start to finish. Faye insisted her father be Maui for the upcoming Halloween because he had “pretty hair” just like him. You’d laughed HARD at that, but whispered to him that you wouldn’t mind seeing him only in a grass skirt, your tone had him grabbing at your plump ass.

“Really? It used to scare me a little bit. Especially the pink elephants on parade part. Super trippy if you ask me” You laugh, looking up from your page at your daughter. Her dark hair was pulled up into a messy knot on the top of her head,

“I like 'em. I think they pretty” The three year old defends.

“It does make my head spin a little. I remember reading somethin’ about Walt Disney being all hopped up on dr-” Bucky stops himself, shooting Faye a look “-…Sugar, when he made a lot of these movies”

You laugh. It’s uncanny how similar it sounds to your daughters.

Bucky thinks that’s part of a reason the little girl has such a tight hold on his heart. Obviously, she was his child, and he would love her regardless of what she looked like. But the fact that she was a mini version of you was really what got him.

Faye laughed like sunshine too.

“Yeah I’ve heard that too! And it makes so much sense, this was a trip gone bad…or good I guess. Since you know, its a classic” You add.

“A trip to where, mommy?”

You snort and Bucky puts the paper down a little bit so that he can not only see your reaction, but your response. One of his eyebrows raise.

“Umm, to a place where only adults go. We’ll talk about it when your in college?” You test the waters. Even after years, this whole parenting thing was still touch and go to you.

You didn’t think you’d ever fully have it down.

Bucky’s little chortle from behind you makes you turn around and shoot him a glare to which his hand, the metal one, comes down and rubs your shoulder in apology; his cool fingers massaging the muscle near your neck in a way that had you leaning into him.

You still love the feeling of his hands on your skin, still makes goosebumps rise. You hope you never loose this feeing.

Faye, as usual, looses interest with what she’s doing before her movies even over.

“I’m bored” She whines dropping her pencil “I wanna go swing”

“No, Faye. It’s raining and you’ll not only get all muddy, but you’ll get sick” You try to explain to her the reason why your such a kill joy. Of course she doesn’t seem to hear any of it.

“Daddy?”

You breathe through your nose. Of course.

Bucky was what people call “the good parent”. What you said no to, she’d usually be able to convince her father into letting her do.

She really was manipulative for a three year old.

“Where do you think she gets that from?” Nat had taunted once, looking at you with laughing eyes and you’d shoved her shoulder.

“No baby, you’re moms right. You’ll get really sick and then you wont get to go play at Uncle Steves this weekend. And you’ve been so excited to see Noah” Bucky sides with you, trying to convince her with the promise of seeing her god brother, Steve and Sharon’s one year old son.

Faye huffs and pushes her paper away from her so hard that it, along with a few pastels, flies off the table. She then lets her head fall to the glass with a hard thunk, one that made Bucky wince.

“I’m so bored” She cries dramatically. You know how people talk about the terrible two’s? Yeah you we’re starting to think the troublesome threes were worse.

“Do you want to watch a different movie?”

“No”

“You could come help mama make lunch? Chicken fingers, you favorite?”

“No”

“We could go find Kit? I think she’s scared of the thunder, she’s probably under your bed-” Bucky offers, he knows how much Faye loves that cat.

“NO DADDY” Faye interrupts him with a snap.

“Faye Rebecca Barnes, you do not talk to any adults that way, much less your dad. You probably hurt his feelings” Your tone is not cutting, but authoritive . She knows better then that. She doesn’t look up but you hear her sniffle as she turns her head, facing away from you.

You purse your lips, before leaning your own head back, enough that it rests on Buckys thigh. Your eyes closed. Did you hate making her cry(even if you knew she was just faking?) Yes. But you also wanted to make sure she grew up to be a decent member of society that other people could stand. And that meant teaching her that she couldn’t snap to get her way.

Bucky knew that too…he also knew you had way more resolve then him. So instead of making it worse, he kept his mouth closed and let you handle it. Smart man, your husband.

…as the minutes ticked by, the silence a little overwhelming you realized that you too, were bored.

Making you empathize with your little one. Boredom, the death of creativity. It had always made you antsy, being idle. You feel Buck’s hand in your hair, the metal one, and you get a passing idea.

Remembering a time when your mother had let you and your siblings finger paint on her back…

“Hey, Faye” You call to her, and she mutters a small “What” without looking at you. She could pout with the best of them.

Something she’d inherited from both of you.

“Wanna do something fun?” Your voice is eager and it makes both Faye and Bucky give you almost identical looks.

“Like what?”

You just grin and manage to heft yourself off of the floor(with Bucky’s arm steadying you) and waddle out of the living room, towards your art closet.

“Where’s she goin?” Faye questions her father and he shrugs but sits up, anticipating your next move.

“I don’t know, but knowin’ your mother- it’ll be something messy” Bucky guesses as he looks down at Faye, taking a minute to bop her on her little bun. She beams up at him, grabbing at her hair.

“Hey!”

“Sorry pumpkin” He chuckles, before bopping her again. He’s ready for her when she launches herself into his lap.

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings” Faye whispers against his scruffy cheek as he holds her.

“It’s okay” Bucky scratches her back lightly “I’m a big boy, I got over it”

“Okay, lets do this” You announce as you come back in the room and both of their heads turn to meet you. In your arms, resting on your stomach, is your plastic container full of washable paints and glitters. Body paint…

“Told you. Messy” Bucky tells Faye who squeals and makes grabby hands at you.

An hour later, you’ve managed to lay the news paper that Buck was reading out on the floor. Protecting your rugs from the splashes of paint. The three of you sit on the hardwood, Bucky has stripped off the hoodie he was wearing and now sits in just his white singlet, holding his metal arm steady and still as you Faye paint on the surface of it. Both of your fingers covered in multicolor paint as they swirl colors onto the sleek metal.

Faye draws purple clouds and orange seahorses(or at least she tries) and you work on an intricate, realistic looking array of wild flowers with a detailed sunflower in the middle of them.

He squirms a little as your fingers trace the edge where his steel shoulder meets warm flesh.

“Don’t move, daddy!” Faye barks at him and you giggle.

“Yeah, daddy” You stress the word, biting your lip and shooting him a devious little smirk that your daughter misses “Don’t move”

“It tickles!” He protests with an exasperated laugh, but stays still all the same. He cant tear his eyes off of you, so concentrated. Little specks of yellow paint smeared on your soft cheek, your belly swollen with his second baby. He reaches out with his flesh hand to rub at the bump tenderly.

You’d given him everything.

“I love you, sweets” He whispers, watching your short fingers delicately trace details into the flowers. You look up, breaking your concentration to smile at him.

“I love you too, Buck” You reach up and press a kiss to his stubbly jaw, then another to his chin. And finally laying a big one on his cheek.

When he feels another set, of smaller lips, press a quick peck to his other cheek his heart swells.

“Love you, daddy” Faye chirps, as she settles back down. “Momma do seahorses have three eyes or four?”

“Four” You answer with a smile.

-Okay I know this wasn’t smut but this was requested and I felt like I needed to write some Dad! Bucky because I love him so much and he’s such a cinnamon roll and wouldn’t he just make the best dad? I wanted their daughters name to be something old fashioned, but still interesting because this Readers an artist and I just think she’d want her children to have unique sounding names? Idk. Enjoy. Cry. Do what you must💘😂

[closetofanxiety]

Show Review: Women’s Wrestling Revolution, “Adios Aurora”

Aurora is not a “who,” it’s a “what”: a nightclub in downtown Providence that’s hosted everything from literary events to hip hop acts to noise bands to live theater to weddings. For our purposes, it’s also been the Rhode Island home since early 2016 to Beyond Wrestling and Women’s Wrestling Revolution. BUT ALL THAT COMES TO AN END THIS MONTH. The gentrification of Providence is speeding along, and a developer named “Buff” (seriously, “Buff,” and no, it’s not Bagwell) has bought up the entire building that houses Aurora, and is going to redevelop it into luxury condos for yuppies who are moving to Providence to partake of the cultural and artistic life they are displacing. 

So with all that baggage, how well does the Last Wrestling Show lift our weary spirits? Will we send off Aurora with soaring hearts or just sore feet, because there are no chairs? Let’s take a look!

What: Women’s Wrestling Revolution, “Adios Aurora”

When: Sunday, October 8, 2017, 3 p.m.

Where: The Aurora Nightclub in beautiful “downcity” Providence, R.I.

Who: About 100 people? I’m bad at crowd counting. Maybe fewer than that. It was not as crowded as the show in August, and not many people come out for women’s shows. I don’t know why. I think I may like them better than shows that are mostly dudes. There’s just a more relaxed, havin’ fun vibe, at least at WWR shows, where the crowd is always loud and into it. Even Beyond Wresling/WWR generallisimo Denver Colorado, who is normally wound pretty tight at these shows, was in a good mood, thanking people for coming. I was there with my friends Mark and Mike. Mike kept disappearing to go to a bar down the street that serves only beer and pretzels, but like, fancy beer and fancy pretzels. Mike was in mourning because, with wrestling at Aurora coming to an end, he believes this will be the last time he ever visits the city of Providence, which is a 90-minute drive from where he lives. We’re dramatic people and you know what? That’s OK. Wrestling is all about emotions!

Jordynne Grace vs. Rachael Ellering

Hot start to this show, with two of the best young wrestlers around. Ellering (”Rachael Evers” to you Mae Young Classic diehards) has come a long way in a really short time, but the star here is Grace, who is already an accomplished performer. She’s a big favorite here, too, in both Beyond and WWR, which helps. A nice showcase for what both people can do, although it’s a babyface vs babyface match, so not a lot of grit or angst. 

Rating: Three Gentrified Cities.

Team Adams (Tasha Steelz and Karen Q) vs. Beauty and the Beast (Renee Michelle and Nyla Rose)

Karen Q has become hugely polished since doing a bunch of shows for Women of Honor, even though Women of Honor is a weird semi-hidden thing that ROH stashes away on its YouTube channel. Michelle and Rose were the heels here, Michelle the arrogant stunner and Rose her gigantic bodyguard. This was a good match where Steelz was the face in peril, leading to a great hot tag from Karen Q and a surprise win for Team Adams despite Nyla Rose’s huge size advantage. 

Rating: Three Gentrified Cities.

Terra Calaway vs Allie Recks 

I will always, always love a prehistoric gimmick, and Terra Calaway bills herself as “Queen of the Dinosaurs,” so right there I’m on board. There seem to be a lot more, forgive me, bigger women in indie wrestling these days, like Calaway, Rose, Vanessa Kraven, even Davienne. I like that. It’s good to have a diverse set of talents and wrestling styles. Calaway is a more nimble Nia Jax, basically an old-fashioned monster heel. Recks is a plucky babyface here, who gets squashed. It helps build up Calaway as a threat while also getting some attention for Recks, so I’m fine with it. One thing that women’s shows, particularly WWR, do better than other shows is they understand not every match has to be 20 minutes long. It’s OK, once in a while, to have a squash match. It’s OK to have a fast-paced 10-minute opener that gets the crowd hyped up. The “get your shit in” mentality from a lot of dudes in indie wrestling is happily absent here.

Rating: Two Gentrified Cities.

Willow Nightingale vs. Elena Pogosyan

Nightingale is a large woman, but also extremely nimble: she wins this match with a picture-perfect 2nd rope moonsault. Another thing that women generally do better than men is establish easily graspable characters. Willow Nightingale is the bouncy, fun, happy-to-be-here babyface, and Elena Pogosyan is the snobby, stuck-up Armenian-American Princess, which is a familiar archetype, albeit mostly in Glendale, Calif. But I mean, it’s easy as a fan who’s only vaguely familiar with both women to understand who’s who and develop a rooting interest. So many guys in indie wrestling are just Guys In Indie Wrestling. 

The WWR crowd Gets It, and are basically invested in every match on the card, and - wonder of wonders - cheering for the babyfaces and booing the heels. Real, honest to God booing! In 2017! It’s a Christmas miracle! It’s actually fun to be part of a wrestling crowd that behaves like a wrestling crowd, instead of being stranded with 100 dopes in Bullet Club shirts cheering on the heels, or updating their Twitter feeds to whine about someone’s “workrate.”  WWR crowds are great, especially compared to the normally somnolent, eerily silent crowds that go to other women’s promotions. Not naming names, but absolutely Shine.

Rating: Two and a half Gentrified Cities.

Sonya Strong vs. Tessa Blanchard

Sonya Strong has become one of my favorite people in WWR, because she’s so good at character work. Her thing is that she’s the badass wrestler with a chip on her shoulder because she thinks other women are getting more opportunities because of their looks or who they’re dating. She is a grade-A trash talker, and it’s a believable motivation for someone in indie wrestling. That’s all I ask for: just give me a plausible reason why two people in a wrestling match might not like each other. Tessa is a good candidate for Sonya’s wrath, because Tessa is the epitome of the well-connected, beautiful woman in wrestling: her boyfriend is Ricochet, her dad is Tully Blanchard, and her stepdad is Magnum TA, something alluded to before the match by Strong, who said “We all know who your two daddies are, but after tonight, that’s what you’re going to be calling me.” OK then!

This was a terrific match with Strong using her superior muscle and power and Blancard relying on her speed and polish. Blanchard’s gotten really good at professional wrestling in the last couple of years, brothers. This also had an undercurrent of genuine nastiness on both sides, and when Strong rolled out of the ring to take a walk after catching a beating, Tessa yelled “Come on, Sonya, are you fuckin’ scared?” and then immediately realized she’s not supposed to swear on these shows - it seemed like a real, heat-of-the-moment thing to say.

Strong can’t beat Tessa, so she decides to leave and take the DQ, much to the crowd’s displeasure. But then Team Adams - who Strong has been jawjacking with for months - comes out to force her back into the ring, where Tessa wins with a codebreaker. Good stuff, and it advanced the Sonya-Purrazzo feud.

Rating: Four Gentrified Cities.

Team Sea Stars (Delmi Exo & Ashley Vox) vs. Taeler Hendrix and Alexxis Neveah

I like this matchup a lot. The Sea Stars are plucky youngsters with a goofy, Bayley-esque gimmick (they come out to the ring with toys and enthusiasm), while Hendrix and Alexxis are like the girls in junior high who smoke cigarettes at the back fence and beat the hell out of nerds unwise enough to try and walk past them. I’ve said this a million times about Alexxis, but no one does Violent New England Girl better than her. At one point, while she was chopping one of the Sea Stars, a guy yelled out “Eddie Edwards!” because he chops a lot, and Alexxis immediately stopped and screamed in a thick southeastern Massachusetts accent, “WHO’S TAWKING SHIT ABOUT MY HUSBAND??” I legitimately feared for that guy’s safety.

Taeler has also dialed down her “I’m dangerously sexxxy” thing and is now more of a headbutting psychopath who beats up dudes in bars for their wallets. She and Alexxis are so great together. They are so utterly disdainful of the Sea Stars and their excited fans. The crowd HATES Taeler and Alexxis, and they return the favor: at one point, Taeler was strutting around the outside of the ring and slapped down the arm of an annoying dude filming the match. He almost dropped his camera, which would have been great!

This match had an interesting structure. It started out as a classic tag team matchup, with the babyfaces establishing an early lead before underhanded tactics enable the villains to isolate one of the good guys. In this case, Delmi Exo was playing face in peril.

But they drew out the face-in-peril trope so much and for so long that after a while it started to feel avant garde; like, they just spent five or six minutes absolutely knocking nine bells of shit out of Delmi Exo, with the referee characteristically unable to spot the cheating going on. Actually, that part was great; a group of fans got so incensed they called over senior referee Kevin Quinn to complain, who gravely vowed to “review the tape” once the match was over.

Finally, just when it was on the verge of being overlong, the sequence ended when Ashley Vox ran into the ring, threw her own partner over to her corner, and tagged herself in. It was one of the best hot tags I’ve ever seen in person. 

It wasn’t enough, though, as the villains cheated to win with a handful of tights and a distracted referee. REVIEW THAT TAPE AND CORRECT THIS INJUSTICE, KEVIN.

Rating: Three and a half Gentrified Cities.

INTERMISSION

One thing that’s slightly hard to shake at women’s shows is the feeling that I am a creep. There’s obviously an element of attraction at work, just like there are plenty of women and gay dudes who like men’s wrestling partly because they think the men are good looking. There’s nothing wrong with any of that; I mean, the entertainment industry runs partly on that. 

But I genuinely like the wrestling - again, I think the character work is usually better, the matches rarely have that “let’s make this 25 minutes” problem, and the stories are richer and more vivid - and so I’m perhaps too sensitive about being male gaze-y about the whole thing. 

But, overly self-conscious or not, one way this manifests is during the meet-and-greet period with the wrestlers, it’s hard not to feel like a drooling weirdo at an Irving Klaw camera club in 1952. Am I charging the experience of exchanging money for T-shirts or 8x10s with too much anxiety? I may be. But then, I never really have anything to say to the wrestlers beyond, “Good match.” These people are not going to be my friends. I’m not going to form some durable emotional bond in the three minutes it takes to sign “To Closet of Anxiety, Please Don’t Die” and an autograph of a fake name on a picture. 

I think women wrestlers get burdened with more of that “we have a deep connection” stuff than guys do. I’ve never seen anyone hand Joey Janela a letter at a show, but I’ve seen it happen multiple times at WWR shows. Generally it comes with a heartfelt explanation of how watching Mia Yim kick people enabled the letter-writer to get through a difficult period in his life. That’s great and everything, but it’s a lot to unload on a total stranger, who is just there to pretend to fight and sell shirts. If I were so inclined, I’d say that’s an example of the “emotional labour” women are often asked to bear in our society far more than men are.

I’m full of thoughts! This is a long-winded way of saying that during the intermission I walked down the street to Symposium Books, where I bought a rare-ish Grove Press edition of “Waiting For Godot” from 1954. The clerk struck up a conversation and I was like OH GOD I CAME HERE TO GET AWAY FROM AWKWARD INTERACTIONS.

Not really. I did buy the book though, and the clerk was weirdly solicitous, but he wasn’t wearing booty shorts or skin-tight spandex wrestling trousers, so I didn’t feel self-conscious.

Jenny Rose vs. Skylar

This was the only match that wasn’t exactly terrific. Skylar is coming a long way as a wrestler, but still needs a vet to lead her to a good match. Jenny Rose is a vet, but is not the best hand. After the show, Mark said it was unwise to put two newish wrestlers together, and then I reminded him that we saw Jenny Rose two and a half years ago at an ROH show and he looked shocked. Not a lot of improvement in that time, I am sorry to say. Cagematch informs me she debuted in 2010. It’s important not to be too cheerleader-y about women’s wrestling; there are women who are not great at wrestling just like there are men who are not great at wrestling. This was a clunky, slow, weirdly paced match.

Rating: One and a half Gentrified Cities.

Davienne Long w/Sammi Lane vs. Maria Manic w/Penelope Ford

This blew my expectations out of the water. I had seen these two wrestle a few times before - this was billed as the rubber match in a best of three series - and nothing had really knocked me out. But this was a fucking war. Just a stiff, nasty grudge match between two big, strong wrestlers going all-out to win. This was All Japan in the ‘90s! This was Mid-South! OK, maybe not, but it was really good. Davienne got busted open HARDWAY and the two spent the match exchanging hellacious chops and strikes. Really good.

Their respect partners were handcuffed together outside the ring, to prevent either one from interfering. This meant, of course, that a third heel rushed in to help Davienne win unjustly. I expected a beatdown of handcuffed Penelope Ford after that, but the heels just kind of left. It was a bit of a weird ending, but a terrific match, and hopefully this feud isn’t over.

Rating: Four Gentrified Cities.

Mia Yim vs. Deonna Purrazzo

This was apparently a first-time matchup between the two, which you’d never guess, because they worked so well together. This was the odds-on favorite to be Match of the Night, and it did not disappoint. From the opening bell it was two evenly matched wrestlers at the top of their game. Yim has the edge in terms of experience, but Purrazzo is the ace of WWR, and the crowd was hugely in her corner. Mia was great at playing the bratty heel, too, constantly cheating, flipping off the crowd, etc. There wasn’t a sequence that felt rushed, there wasn’t a moment that felt poorly timed; this was A++ wrestling. Down the stretch, Yim kept delivering hugely stiff strikes - one of her chops sounded like a damn rifle going off - while Purrazzo kept looking for opportunities to apply the armbar. Ultimately she won with a swinging neckbreaker, which I loved because it’s a great move, and then a modified codebreaker. One of the best matches I’ve seen all year: not a wasted moment. It ended with me wanting to see them wrestle for another 15 minutes.

Rating: Five Gentrified Cities.

A great way to end the Aurora Era. Goodbye, Aurora! You will be missed. 

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: 1997, part three

freedom. horrible, horrible freedom. in this post i get distracted a whole lot, so hey, look forward to that!

5.17.1997

36) "It's Your Love," by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

a fun game to play with pop music sometimes is "what song does this chorus sound like." this is rachel platten's "fight song," like maybe i'm going crazy but "fight song" sorta jacked its chorus from this wack-ass country ballad.

47) "It's No Good," by Depeche Mode

It's a new session. It's a glorious Sunday morning, I have coffee, already listened to a couple dope albums, made some lists, got the Wimbledon final in the background, am feeling generally good about my life. I could have had a sub-2:30 in an LttP rando if I hadn't forgotten to check Dark Kakariko. (I’m a special boy.) So maybe that's why I'm way more into this Depeche Mode song than I was the last one I listened to, but this also sounds closer to the Depeche Mode I'm interested in, less of the shitty Prodigy influence, more of the exceedingly dark '80s post-punk sound. This one goes so much harder and is so much deeper than the other, and I believe this to be an honest thought, because if I were truly in a positive place I wouldn't be responding so well to a Depeche Mode song.

61) "5 Miles to Empty," by Brownstone

You know how R. Kelly's "Ignition" is basically a song in which R. Kelly says he's gonna fuck a car? (Not to be confused with "Ignition (Remix)," which is not a remix of "Ignition" but a song about what will go down when the remix to "Ignition" is released.) I have found the song to which "Ignition" is a response. After years of searching, this pop music archaeologist has finally uncovered the song R. Kelly was thinking about when he decided to compare a woman to a car. And maybe that's not true, maybe R. Kelly made "Ignition" because he was born to make it, but the only way I could make this song interesting is if I gave it a place in music history as the headwaters of the "Igniton (Remix)" river. (I wrote this before the new allegations came out but am leaving it in because I also wrote it while being aware of the old allegations.)

64) "If I Could Change," by Master P ft./Steady Mobb'n, Mia X, Mo B. Dick, & O'Dell

One thing I haven't mentioned on this guided tour of 1997: so many songs are from the soundtracks of movies! Obviously, 2007 will soon house High School Musical 2, and 2017 had "Beauty & the Beast," but it seems like every week, the credits theme for some movie makes it to the chart. Movie soundtracks are a lost art. I don't know why we think Avangers movies are better served with a dramatic orchestral score than some dunderheadedly thunking nu-metal single. Am I ever going to see I'm 'Bout It? Of course not. Why would I? But I can tell you something about this film by listening to this song from its soundtrack. If you played me selections from the Avangers and Suicide Squad soundtracks, I wouldn't be able to tell you which came from which, and that's with me having heard at least one song from the Suicide Squad soundtrack.

96) "It Must Be Love," by Robin S.

This song almost doesn't exist. Neither the song nor Robin S has a Wikipedia page of its own, it doesn't seem to belong to any soundtrack for any film, and the only relevant result on YouTube is a Robin S. - Topic page with fewer than 2,000 views and one comment that just says "Best." That's a damn shame. This is a really solid track, a really fun disco throwback with a powerful vocal performance, and it deserves better treatment from the history books. Truly, this is the forgotten classic, this is why this project exists, to highlight a song no one remembers and say, "We should've done better." Truly, this is the "Run Up" of its day.

97) "Sometimes," by The Brand New Heavies

sometimes, 1997 will give me some actual funk, and that is truly appreciated. This is a somewhat cerebral funk song that found a home on this chart, maybe only for a couple of weeks and only in the back half, but it still made the chart. You can hear the craft that went into composing this track, just the way it keeps building and building until it reaches this really cool climax just before it starts fading out. There's love in this track. You miss that level of craftsmanship in the music in 2017, and even in 2007 to a certain extent, but more in 2017. I don't think I've ever thought about Calvin Harris sitting down to write one of his songs, I just think about him making some noises and saying, "Yeah, sure, whatever, this is good enough to release." His songs don't sound written as much as they sound packaged, and the lack of effort in the writing process is maybe not readily apparent but certainly felt when you listen to his music. Which isn't to say no one in 2017 is thinking about their music, hey remember that one week we all agreed Kendrick was amazing that was a good week, but no one is putting the same energy into writing their music as these cats did.

5.24.1997

5) "Say You'll Be There," by Spice Girls

1997 is coming off a really solid week, so it's understandable why it would want to take a play off. Spice Girls: still bad in a very real and incredibly unfun way! I just remembered Spice Girls are British. Europe, you ruined everything good.

55) "In My Arms," by Erasure

Y'know what, I'm here for this. I'm glad these dorky dudes from Britain are making their synthpop music, and honestly, anything that had even a small role in bringing Future Islands' "Seasons (Waiting on You)" into this world can't be pure evil, and this sounds like something that was influenced by something much cooler that also influenced Future Islands. This isn't a great song, I'm not going to run to Facebook to tell everyone how great this band is, but hey, if every song were the best song ever, this project would have no meaning. I am here to experience 1997 in its totality, and between the dizzying highs and plunging lows, there is an interminable middle to be traveled. I began this paragraph saying I liked this song and for the life of me I don't know what changed in my heart between then and now.

64) "The World Tonight," by Paul McCartney

I know I talked about this when Paul McCartney popped up on a 2007 chart, but it has to be absolutely amazing to know you could spend seven minutes writing a song and thirty minutes recording it and then make $50,000. There's more effort in this song than there was in "Fun Dance Yes!" or whatever that thing was, and I have spent so long thinking about the "I'm going back so far I'm in front of me" line that there is some catharsis in finally knowing what song it came from, but I would have rather listened to most anything else. Like, say what you will about "My Baby Daddy," at least people sounded like they were trying when they made that song.

94) "If U Stay Ready," by Suga Free ft./Playa Hamm

I wanna know who played guitar on this track because this guitar part does work. I'm also way into this dude's flow, like maybe I'm just overly impressed by someone who can rap fast (I'm so stoked for the Twista song 1997 is gonna give to me), but this dude and that guitarist made this song way more interesting than a song like this typically is. You can kinda hear how dull this song might've been when Playa Hamm and his more conventional voice pops up and wastes everyone's time. Really impressive.

5.31.1997

36) "Do You Know (What It Takes)," by Robyn

Did you guys know "Dancing on My Own" didn't chart in the US? There might be a whole swath of our (I assume this isn't finding much love in Germany or whatever) population that only knows Robyn as the sweetheart singing the line "Do you know what it takes to do me right?" and not as the ABSOLUTE TITAN who crafted maybe the best pop song of the last eternity? This is the same swath of the population that probably only knows "Dancing on My Own" through that trashdick cover Kings of Leon did. Like, it's kind of weird to think about the scads of pop music children the '90s produced and wonder if anyone at the time knew that Robyn would be the one to make an era-defining smash.

48) "The Perfect Drug," by Nine Inch Nails

On the topic of Fire Walk with Me, the cinematic follow-up to David Lynch's television masterpiece and failure Twin Peaks, Quentin Tarantino said he felt "David Lynch had disappeared so far up his own ass that I have no desire to see another David Lynch movie until I hear something different." This is germane to the song, as it was made for the soundtrack of a David Lynch movie, and it feels like the sort of song a David Lynch fanboy would make if they knew David Lynch made fucked-up things but didn't have any idea what made David Lynch such a compelling director, were just being fucked-up for the sake of being fucked-up.

78) "The New Pollution," by Beck

Man, if you were a white teenager who thought they were smarter than they actually were, this was a killer week for you. But #actually this song is good because Beck can play a lot of instruments, and if you don't make all your music all by yourself it is artistically worthless. The Notorious B.I.G. didn't even write the music for his song, therefore his work has no artistic merit and Beck is the only true artist that has ever performed. What a joy it is to live in a world with Beck in it! (We should all be salty any entity which claims to be a governing body for music thought any Beck album was better than any Beyonce album.)

6.7.1997

34) "Alone," by Bee Gees

oh good, i was hoping to catch the bee gees during the country downswing of their career. this is so pleasant, this is everything i wanted, no no no, this is amazing. gosh, if there's one thing i love, it's when well-known musicians realize they probably can't hit on the pop charts anymore and dip into that sweet sweet country honeypot.

56) "Go the Distance," by Michael Bolton

I could have guessed that Disney's Hercules would have inspired such ardor. Disney's Hercules has one of the all-time Disney soundtracks. This song is not what makes the soundtrack great! This song sounds completely out of place with the rest of the gospel-influenced selections on the soundtrack. Like, you have the muses doing these legit amazing things, and then Michael Bolton shows up and Michael Boltons it up in the most Michael Bolton fashion, and even outside the context of the Disney's Hercules soundtrack, Michael Bolton doing Michael Bolton things isn't something people should be into.

74) "One More Day," by New Edition

Going on a first date with a '90s R&B singer is probably the most exhausting experience. You just wanna get to know this person and have a nice time at dinner, and this dude's pledging his eternal love for you and swearing to God he will defend you from those who'd do you wrong and telling you that he will give you an unending pleasure you can never get from any other man. Like, dude, just chill for a second and tell a story from your awkward teen years, like drop down to my level. This relationship needs to advance past the unending breadsticks phase before we get to the unending love phase.

84) "Who You Wit," by Jay-Z

"I'ma stay with it, rock the custom drop Bentleys/Never eat at Denny's and party like Lil' Penny." That's amazing. Just burn Denny's to the ground for absolutely no reason. Guys, this Jay-Z fella, I don't know if we hear more from him in the future, but I hope we do.

85) "When I Die," by No Mercy

So this is just '90s R&B, I don't know what you want me to say but will say it if needed. Let's see what the YouTube comments have to say. Top comment: God where did the 90's go ? Please bring them back ! Reply: The same could be said when standing for judgement before our creator...where did our past life go? Hey. Hey, fella? Fella. Calm down. I know this dude has been claiming he'll love his woman 'til she dies (I mean, I wasn't paying close attention because ho could I, but this is a safe assumption), but no one is here to talk about death. "I miss the music of our youth!" "Fun fact! Youth is fleeting and we are on an inexorable march to death. You may still have time to get right with your god. I suggest you get on that." Just have some spaghetti, fella. Chill.

6.14.1997

1) "I'll Be Missing You," by Puff Daddy ft./Faith Evans & 112

This was written from a place of the deepest grief, the likes of which I will one day know but still hope I can worm my way out of ever knowing, and it is heartfelt and pure and open. I'm okay with making fun of the other tributes, because they're written from less real places, but this, I think I'm gonna lay off this. Like, Diddy's a millionaire and doesn't need me to protect his feelings, but it's more about respecting another person's humanity than anything else. Anyhoo, back to deeply shallow snark.

29) "You Bring Me Up," by K-Ci & JoJo

OH DIP! It's a '90s R&B song with ATTITUDE! Been a hot minute. Still '90s R&B, still running out of things to say after nearly a week of contending with '90s R&B, but it's so refreshing to hear a "fuck you" after miles of "EVERY BEAT OF MY HEART IS IN TRIBUTE TO YOU." This is the first "fuck you" since "Return of the Mack," and while this isn't the same statement of purpose "Return of the Mack" is, 1) what else is?, and 2) a "fuck you" is always refreshing.

48) "We Trying to Stay Alive," by Wyclef Jean ft./Refugee Allstars

The first half, which is just dudes rapping over "Stayin' Alive," is really cool, if only because I'm a simpleton who didn't realize what a fantastic beat "Stayin' Alive" would be for a rap song. Like, of course people rapping over "Stayin' Alive" would be listenable, how did I not realize this? And then there's a second half, which sure exists, and I'm sure it exists for a reason, but I'll never forget what a treat the first two minutes were.

61) "Gimme Some Love," by Gina G

no

62) "Butterfly Kisses," by Raybon Bros.

Lest we ever think country music was ever immune to pandering, this song shouts out Jesus before the first chorus. I'm also having trouble believing this song coming from Raybon Bros. Like, this is clearly about one of their daughters. Why do we need Uncle there? "Jeff, it really was sweet how your daughter would butterfly kiss you." Like you wouldn't write a song about your niece, why would you sing on your brother's tribute to his daughter. Imagine the main Raybon playing this song for his daughter, and it's a tender emotional moment and then Bill belches "I helped. That's me on guitar."

84) "Come with Me," by Keith Sweat ft./Ronald Isley

The intro for this song gives me a great idea: there should be a bass trapper. Like, none of these trap dudes have particularly deep voices. Some of them have pleasant growls, but none of them sound like the intro to this song. Like, give us one bass singer, man. I'm still angry at that one dude who called himself Marc E. Bassy, we need an actual bass singer. Even country is piled high with nasal tenors, they don't have any friends for Josh Turner. Give me bass. Give me someone with a voice that can shake the earth. The bass singer isn't on this song after the intro, but that doesn't mean this song made the right call.

87) "Da' Dip," by MC Luscious ft./Kinsui

This is a remake of the Freak Nasty song "Da' Dip." Does the name Freak Nasty feel weirdly familiar to you? It felt weirdly familiar to me, too! Do you remember, in 2007 Week 19, the song "Do it Just Like a Rock Star," which surged onto the chart due to an indexing error? That is the very same Freak Nasty! Evidently Freak Nasty is tangential to music history in years that end with 7, so I am looking forward to his upcoming feature on a DJ Khaled track. Freak Nasty is the most important irrelevant rapper alive, and YAS is evidently devoted to promoting his life and work.

90) "Felton St.," by Leschea

This song is legit. There's a certain energy about this song I can't quite place, it just feels, what am I looking for, unresolved? Let's try to figure this out. It's like, this song is about meeting this dude from your block and getting him to fall for you and starting that life together, but the song doesn't feel particularly jubilant, does it? It feels on edge, like there's something amiss. And there's that one line, "Fantasy's reality/Much respect to you baby," and now it's no longer clear that he ever did meet her, if he swung his Jeep her way and cell phone checked her at all. This could all be in her head, and she's ruing that this dude doesn't notice her. The first verse in this song is about how she bumped into him and he didn't think to stop moving, which, apart from being inconsiderate, doesn't set up a happy ending. So this could all be a dream, which is why the song never feels stable, why her voice sometimes does these cool dips at the end of lines, because none of this is real. This song is legit, man.

95) "Rhythm of Love," by DJ Company

I accept this. We struck gold with "Felton St," found that buried treasure, and then we got greedy and our most recent dig has unearthed a nest of angry bees somehow. I don't know how bees would burrow underground, but I also don't understand how this awful nonsense made its way Stateside. Life is full of mysteries we just have to accept. I do like that the last couple of dance songs sound like something a human being would dance to, though. We're getting closer to acceptable.

6.21.1997

4) "Look Into My Eyes," by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony

"What makes a nigga think he can bite my shit and call his shit original?/What's worse, tellin' people you made the style we put down three fuckin' years ago!" This was a selection off the official soundtrack for Batman & Robin, and I really hope this is the lyric that made someone think, "Yes. This display of pettiness is the soundtrack the world imagined for Batman." Like, this is a song in which Bone Thugs is angry at people who bit their style, and it's fun to imagine people picking up the Batman album and trying to find the connection. Batman had a lot of things, but no imitators.

22) "Smile," by Scarface ft./2Pac & Johnny P

See, this doesn't feel sincere. This feels like Scarface using a 2Pac sample because he could and because mentioning 2Pac would get sales. Like, I'm sure he felt shitty when Pac died, but it is unclear why Scarface needed a 2Pac verse on his songs. The only 2Pac features on Scarface songs came after Pac died. I don't see the connection. This feels cynical.

47) "Smokin' Me Out," by Warren G ft./Ronald Isley

this is so much better than "i shot the sheriff" that "i shot the sheriff" is even more embarrassing now. This song is kind of perfect. (Only the second time I've used that phrase so far!) It's light, it's groovy, it's laid-back, it's kind of the apotheosis of pop/rap as a thing that exists. This is the most I've enjoyed an Isley all year (weirdly ubiquitous, the Isleys! I thought they were '60s things! Apparently I'm an idiot!), and the song's not even over-the-top gross, despite being about the girl who is best at smoking pot in all the land! This is cool.

89) "How Do I Live," by LeAnn Rimes 91) "How Do I Live," by Trisha Yearwood

THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING. We never get to do this. We never put two divas or bravos(? there should be a boy term for divas) into a ring with the same song and let the market decide who survives. Like, we let Ryan Tedder write the same song over and over again, and I guess that suffices, but we don't let Ryan Tedder say, "This song is a hit. This song will be a classic, and it will be attributed to either one of you. Who wants it more?" As far as the head-to-head, I think LeAnn Rimes is the clear winner, not just in sales but in quality of song. This song needs an great singer to sell it, to keep up with the song in the climax, and Trisha Yearwood is barely hanging on in the verses. But man, to have been able to have seen this battle played out in real time. Country music Twitter would have been... Created, I guess, country music Twitter doesn't seem like the most active place in the world. Trisha Yearwood's also has a completely unnecessary saxophone solo. Like, gurl, don't hide behind the sax. If I'm saying a song doesn't need a sax solo, you know it's a bad sax solo.

92) "Get Your Groove On," by Gyrl

I sure will, Gyrl! /turns off this song /turns "smokin' me out" back on Thanks for the suggestion! Nothing against your song, it's acceptable, but like "Smokin' Me Out."

6.28.1997

24) "Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)," by Backstreet Boys

So evidently "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" is something I completely missed while archiving the list of 1997 hits, despite the fact it hit #2. But another thing to consider: there were serious flaws with how the Hot 100 was calculated in 1997. It underwent a massive overhaul in 1998, and that'll be fun to deal with when we get there, but I guess it wasn't factoring in radio play at the time, because "As Long as You Love Me," a song every single one of us knows by heart, doesn't make the chart. But basically, this entry serves to remind of two things: 1) The chart if flawed and does not represent an entirely accurate snapshot of music history 2) I am flawed and probably missed a song or two. So instead of thinking about this song, which let's be real is sort of shitty and boring, let's talk about two songs we're aware we missed.

Oops!) "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)," by Backstreet Boys

As far as songs about reintroducing an entity which most people weren't aware existed before this point, this song pales in comparison to "Return of the Mack." This does not make it any less iconic, I only wish to remind you how iconic "Return of the Mack" is. Like, this is the best kind of garbage, just loud and obnoxious and catchy as fuck. There's a reason this ridiculous song has endured in the culture for so long. Also Panic! At the Disco completely ganked this video for "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies." Fewer monsters, but plenty of dudes in top hats in bad make-up.

Oh also!)  "Semi-Charmed Life," by Third Eye Blind

There's a cover of this song some indie band or another did for AV Club a few years back that haunts me to this day, simply because I was never that attached to the original and was never confronted with the lyrics, I was always distracted by the dude's bad rapping and worse falsetto. This song is beautiful, though. Even the original is tinged with this certain sadness, buried in '90s alt-rock trappings as it is. I am thankful to the indie band at the AV Club for unlocking the full potential, but I also appreciate the silly things the original could do. Frontier Ruckus. That was the band. Guys, y'all did a cool thing with this song.

67) "Hip Hop Drunkies," by The Alkaholiks ft./Ol' Dirty Bastard

You know how, in the '50s, pop music was still at the point where people could drop songs about hula hoops and have a pretty big hit from singing their song about hula hoops? Hip-hop was still in that stage in the '90s, where you could have a silly song and a name to match that song and people would be into your dumb novelty single. If The Alkaholiks had any career beyond this song, it's a miracle. "I drink more brewsters than Punky." Even in 1997, that's dated!

79) "Listen," by Collective Soul

This is the song the youth pastor sings when he needs to convince the #teens that Jesus can rock. I don't have to write about Vertical Horizon's "Everything You Want" for a good while, so I'm comfortable firing this bullet in anticipation of the fact I can pick it up and rechamber it in a couple years and none of y'all will ever know. But like this has a surprisingly unique guitar line and lyrics that are a bright smile away from being Christian rock -- "you crucify your honesty!" A youth pastor could go to town on that line.

83) "Can't Let Go," by Laurnea

The producer of the song may or not be in the comments for this song. It is probably him, because who on earth would pretend to be the producer of this whelming '90s R&B song, and specifically who would pretend they were the producer of this song just to say "Laurea was a class act to work with with." But this does give me an idea: when I listen to the songs of 1998, I want to leave a comment under each that's a different story from a prom night that never happened. I'm inspired by the comments under TRONICBOX '80s remixes, and I can't wait to forget this stupid idea after I hit post on this hot YAS content.

7.5.1997

50) "C U When U Get There," by Coolio ft./40 Thevz

"The other homie shot the other homie and ran off with his 20/And when the other homies heard about it they thought that it was funny/But who's the dummy, 'cuz you just lost a hustler/A down-ass brother been replaced by a buster." I know you're trying to warn against the dangers of street life, Coolio, but this sounds more like you're lecturing low-level drug dealers on the importance of retention. "Attrition affects productivity, which affects the bottom line, not to mention the time sink you put into training that team member and now training their replacement!" What other efficient management solutions does Coolio have for us? This is a maudlin hip-hop song that would never badmouth synergy. Also "C U When U Get There" is passive-aggressive and helps no one. What a shitty thing to say to someone.

73) "Just Another Case," by CRU ft./Slick Rick

there's a lot of atmosphere in this song, how it tells a tragic story about good people caught in the wrong time. kinda sucks these guys only got one album together, these guys had a strong point of view and a handle on what they wanted to do, and it would've been awesome to see what could've happened if they had a chance to grow. just another case of a group getting scooped up and forgotten by a major label.

79) "Things Just Ain't the Same," by Deborah Cox

This song comes before a Whitney Houston song, and it is also the 12th-to-last song I have to listen to for this leg of the project. I will never know if this song is legitimately boring or if I'm looking ahead to the end zone, but I do know I'm probably not gonna listen to this song again to find out. Sorry it couldn't work out, Ms. Cox. I hope we meet again in 1998, when I'm better able to give you a shot!

81) "My Heart Is Calling," by Whitney Houston

Whitney Houston is a fantastic singer and she single-handedly keeps me a thousand times more interested in this song than I know I otherwise would be. I am sorry to keep calling Deborah Cox out like this. I am sure she is a phenomenal friend and a generous soul.

83) "Love II Love," by Damage

Anyone who uses Roman numerals when numbering anything but Super Bowls is not a person I can be friends with, and anyone who would use Roman numerals for this specific purpose has lost any trace of humanity and should be shackled in a heavily-guarded cage twenty miles below the ocean floor to enusre they can never hurt. I don't care how fresh this song is, these people are monsters.

86) "What's Stopping You," by The O'Jays

I would like to renounce my right to say anything even remotely critical about this song because The O'Jays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

94) "Summertime Summertime," by Corina

I'm eight songs away and life's too short to try to determine if this has any value. I am sorry for being derelict in my duties two songs in a row but this song is bad and I hated the part of it I listened to and I have a fake self-imposed deadline to meet. YEAH I KNOW THERE'S TWELVE TO LISTEN TO FOR THE POST AFTER THE POST, BUT THAT'S A HILL COMPARED TO THE WEEK I'VE SPENT ASCENDING MOUNT GARBAGE.

95) "Serenade," by Shades

Since this may be the last one of the project, just wanna shout GIRL GROUP HYPE!!!! for the last time before we resume regularly scheduled programming. There was a scad of girl groups, each more wonderful than the last, and we need to have a stern chat with 2017 about the things we can expect from it going forward. This song is delightful. I dig that "True" sample, and, yeah, I'm kind of over gentle voices sweetly whispering, but I'm also not really looking for vocal dynamos over the "True" sample, like this makes it work. Good work, y'all.

7.12.1997

8) "Sunny Came Home," by Shawn Colvin

This song already has the deck stacked against it, because we've listened to no insignificant amount of quality songs, and this is the one the Grammys decided was the best song released in 1997. Now, mind you, the Record of the Year field in 1997 was kind of not representative of the songs that made 1997 great. You had "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" and "Everyday Is a Winding Road," which are both inferior female singer-songwriter fare, "MMMBop," which is there for ratings, and a song by a monster. Of the five, it's the least objectionable winner. It's a fine song, expertly crafted and deeper than I've considered either of the times I've listened to it for a dumb marathonny project, but it's not "Hypnotize" or "Return of the Mack" or "Bill" or "Bitch." (Also, fun fact, it didn't even win Best Female Pop Vocal Performance. Sarah McLachlian got robbed!) And like, you don't want to judge a song against your expectations for it, but this song is etched into stone as the best song of 1997, and great a song as it is on its own, it ain't that.

26) "All for You," by Sister Hazel

This is probably the finest of any of the alt-rock songs we've heard so far, simply because it's influenced by something more than grunge, there's this upbeat energy to it. It's bouncy, full of fun, not trying to be weighty and imbued with so much meaning and HEY YEAH YEAH YEAH, OH NO, it just wants to shout this girl out for being a neat person he wants to hang with. It's sweet! It's a nice song by nice boys who want the world to have a nice time.

33) "Not Tonight (Ladies' Night Remix)," by Lil' Kim ft./Da Brat, Left Eye, Angie Martinez & Missy Elliott

HELL YES. I'M NOT EVEN GONNA TRY TO ANALYZE WHAT MAKES THIS SONG PERFECT BECAUSE IT IS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. THIS IS SUCH A TREAT! I HAD NO IDEA DA BRAT WAS THIS GOOD LIKE JIMINY DA BRAT'S VERSE BUT ALSO EVERYONE ELSE'S VERSE BUT ALSO THAT TRACK BUT ALSO I AM SO PLEASED I HAVE LIVED TWENTY YEARS OF MY LIFE WITHOUT THIS SONG AND I HAVE REALIZED THAT IS THE SOURCE OF MY DEPRESSION, IT ISN'T SERATONIN IMBALANCE OR PASSED ON FROM GENERATIONS OF SAD PEOPLE, IT'S BECAUSE I NEVER LET MYSELF ACCEPT THIS NEVER LET MYSELF PUT THIS INTO MY LIFE MY STARS! MY STARS!!!!!!!!

57) "More Than This," by 10,000 Maniacs

What a comedown from "Not Tonight!" Imagine if this and "All for You" got flipped, where I would be thinking about this not knowing what "Not Tonight" had in store for me, and then "All for You" was the alt-rock song that got hecked by its spot in the project. Like, this is fine. It's just not an absolute jam, and that's what I'm in the mood for right now.

77) "Invisible Man," by 98 Degrees

1997 kind of knows "Not Tonight" is the true finale and is now clearing out the bar. OK, guys, hope you liked your dance partner during "Not Tonight," because we're gonna play this shitty song by the sixth-best boy band of the '90s, and you need to be outta here by the time it's done. I'm paying more attention to the video than to the song because one of the degrees is absolutely swole, like he's way more muscly than any boy band member should be. How come he isn't linebacking?

87) "Everything You Want," by Ray J

I appreciate that the timing of this project meant we got to come full circle. We began with '90s R&B slow jamz, we end with '90s R&B slow jamz. And while I'd like to say we pick back up on Wednesday with R&B slow jamz, hoo boy, we very don't! But anyway, this song. It's OK. It's, it's nothing. I'm not as tired of R&B as I am of trap, but it's nice to be free from this particular obligation.

THE TOP TWENTY 20) "Sometimes," by The Brand New Heavies (5.24) 19) "Don't Keep Wasting My Time," by Teddy Pendergrass (4.19) 18) "Feelin' It," by Jay-Z (5.3) 17) "Step by Step," by Whitney Houston (3.15) 16) "On and On," by Erykah Badu (1.25) 15) "I Want You," by Savage Garden (3.1) 14) "It Must Be Love," by Robin S. (5.24) 13) "Smokin' Me Out," by Warren G ft./Ronald Isley (6.21) 12) "Silent All These Years," by Tori Amos (3.22) 11) "What They Do," by The Roots (1.11) 10) "Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight)," by KRS-One (4.5) 9) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele (2.22) 8) "Bill," by Peggy Scott-Adams (3.29) 7) "Just Another Case," by CRU ft./Slick Rick (7.5) 6) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z (2.15) 5) "Felton St.," Leschea (6.14) 4) "Bitch," by Meredith Brooks (4.26) 3) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison (3.1) 2) "Hypnotize," by The Notorious B.I.G. (4.26) 1) "Not Tonight (Ladies' Night Remix)," by Lil Kim ft./Angie Martinez, Left Eye, Da Brat & Missy Elliott

And you may be wondering: “Bob. When are you going to give us a list of which years won with week without including even one of the songs from any week or, really, any context at all?” HERE IS YOUR NONSENSE LIST OF NUMBERS Week One: 2007 Week Two: 2007 Week Three: 2007 Week Four: 2017 Week Five: 2017 Week Six: 2007 Week Seven: 2017 Week Eight: 1997 Week Nine: 2017 Week Ten: 1997 Week Eleven: 1997 Week Twelve: 1997 Week Thirteen: 1997 Week Fourteen: 2007 Week Fifteen: 2017 Week Sixteen: 2007 Week Seventeen: 2017 Week Eighteen: 2017 Week Nineteen: 1997 Week Twenty: 2007 Week Twenty-One: 2017 Week Twenty-Two: 1997 Week Twenty-Three: 2007 Week Twenty-Four: 1997 Week Twenty-Five: 2017 Week Twenty-Six: 1997 Week Twenty-Seven: 1997 HERE ARE THE OFFICIAL STANDINGS 1997: 10 2017: 9 2007: 8 IT IS CLOSER THAN ANYONE EVER COULD IMAGINE. 1997 has the lead! Will that lead sustain through Wednesday? ...Oh gosh Wednesday. Shackles. Sweet, sweet shackles.