#obviously i think she’s a great artist. and the more i time i spend thinking abt it the more strongly i believe this

[meyhew]

i have something to say 👩🏽‍🦯‍➡️

[diyasgarden]

Request

Patrick being down bad for his girlfriend and everyone knows it. She is oblivious to it.

Hiii!! I had so many ideas for this, that I decided to compile into one big headcanon list. If you ever want me to write something based on this, let me know.

Patrick and you are in what you view as a casual relationship. Maybe you were friends before this or if you randomly met at a party or some event, but you know his reputation so you just assume that whatever is going isn't serious for him. You're still having fun, so you don't really bring it up. There is a small part of you that wants to know, but you don't want to ruin whatever is going on. Plus, ignorance is bliss.

On the other hand, Patrick just loves being around you so much. He hasn't even processed it properly. Something about you is just so endearing to him (that even if he isn't aware of how much he likes you) it is obvious to everyone around. He isn't great with saying all of this (which is probably why you don't catch on), but his behavior blatantly exposes how he feels.

He constantly wants to spend time with you. When you guys start your relationship, you're both glued to each other's side. Constantly going on. Him constantly at your place. A lot of time in bed...yeah literally glued to each other. You think it's sweet, but don't think too much about it.

He also just loves holding you. His hand is always on you in some capacity or another all the time. In private. In public. He's holding your hand or holding your hip or even pulling you into your lap. You also don't think much about this. Even when your friends raise their eyebrows and look at you with a grin, you just shrug it off. You've seen how he has no sense of boundaries with people he is close with. This is just another example of that, you reason.

But as you both continue to see each other, it becomes more and more clear that he wants you to be a genuine part of his life. This means he invites you to his games. You don't think much of it. He is tennis player. Of course he is going to invite you to a game or two. You tell your friends this, but it becomes a little harder to explain when he asks if you want to stop by when he practices too. He loves seeing you by the court when he plays, regardless if its an actual game or just a practice. He's smiling at you, waving at you, even winking. To everyone else, it's him obviously showing whatever is going on between the both of you, you just assume it's him being the unserious person he is.

On top of that, he also genuinely wants to be a part of your life. In every way that counts. This means that anytime you invite him to something, he is 100% coming. That new restaurant you want to try? He's booking a table already. A friend's party? He'll be asking if you want him to bring anything. A boring family gathering you don't even want to go too? It's okay, he'll make it fun for you. Anytime you tell your friends your plans with him, they find it adorable how he's willing to do all of this for you. You brush them off, saying he just wants to keep you company.

He also takes an initiative to actually connect with the other people in your life too. Even if his only interest in them is the fact that they're connected to you some way. Your friends indulge him because they think its endearing how much he's trying. You assume he is talking so much because he is so extroverted (but you miss how he frowns a little bit when you only introduce him as Patrick).

Not to mention, your interests suddenly become his interests too. You like art? He's on the Wikipedia page of every artist you like trying to find out as much as possible. You like reading? He bought your favorite books to check them out. You like a certain sport? Now he knows all the rules now. Film nerd? He's watching any movie you've mentioned.

He likes to discuss these things or even join conversations you have with your friends about it. You think it's a sweet gesture and tell yourself he just wants to be able to make conversation or jump into conversations you're having with others. All the people around you know he just wants to show you that he cares what you care about. Especially because he keeps looking at you during these conversations, as if tracking your reaction to every word he says.

You only realize how down bad he is couple months into the relationship when he asks you to come to some event his parents are hosting. It's a first for both of you. He doesn't like going to these events, avoids them when he can. But when his parents insisted on coming to this one, all he wants is to invite you to come with him. He's never done this before, with anyone. You say yes, at first thinking he's just doing so because you invite him to so many things, but when he introduces you as his girlfriend with this goofy ass grin it fully sinks in how much he likes you. It's silly that after everything he does, this is the thing that made you have a eureka moment, but hey, at least you figured it out eventually.

[pluckyredhead]

…Sorry if this is a bit weird but do you have any queer romance book recommendations? I ended up finishing the last binding trilogy because you posted about it (you have excellent taste lol) and I’m a bit stuck at the moment with what to read next.

Not weird at all! I absolutely have recs! Also Freya Marske has a brand new book out called Swordcrossed if you want more of her writing. (For people who are not anon: The Last Binding is an Edwardian historical fantasy romance trilogy and it's excellent.)

Okay recs:

KJ Charles: My favorite queer romance author, hands down, and also the most prolific! She's written over 30 queer historical romance novels (and one queer historical mystery), mostly M/M, all historical and set in the UK during various time periods ranging from the 1810s to the 1920s. My two favorite things about her work: 1. It draws very heavily on the history, meaning that her characters never come across like modern people in historical cosplay. And 2. she's great at creating genuine conflict between or around characters. I have read too many romances where everything is uwu softness and nothing hurts but Charles's characters are always either fundamentally divided by politics, class, ethical perspectives, lies, and/or tragic backstories, OR they get along fine but a murderer is trying to kill them, OR, in the best of her books, both.

My favorites are probably The Will Darling Adventures (1920s trilogy all about the same couple fighting a criminal secret society), A Seditious Affair (1810s, a radical firebrand and a Tory government official accidentally fall in love while having extremely kinky sex), An Unnatural Vice (1870s, "spiritualist" con artist and the crusading journalist trying to expose him), and Any Old Diamonds (1890s, The Saddest Boy in the World hires a sexy jewel thief to rob his horrible father, kink ensues), but you can really start anywhere - Think of England is where I jumped on and it's nice because it's more of a standalone (there is a companion book but Think of England comes first). If you liked The Last Binding, you might want to start with her Magpie Lord series because they are also fantasy romance. (Freya Marske is a big KJ Charles fan and it shows, in a good way.)

Allie Therin: Sticking with the fantasy romance angle here for a moment, Therin has a 1920s trilogy called Magic in Manhattan that is all about the same couple, a prickly magic-user named Rory and the big hunky WWI vet who loves him, as they fight various evil magicians. (HUGE oversimplification but you get it.) There's a spinoff trilogy, the Roaring Twenties Magic series, which has two books out so far. I love NYC, the 1920s, fantasy, and queer romance, so obviously I love all of this.

But I'm particularly obsessed with her Sugar and Vice series (also a trilogy, first book is out already and the second one comes out next month) which is set in modern day Seattle and is about an empath named Reece and the super dangerous empath hunter called the Dead Man who may or may not be here to kill Reece, and also there's a serial killer on the loose. This one is a suuuuuuper slow burn (they don't even kiss in the first book!), so you have to be patient but I read the second book early and yeah I'm obsessed and desperate to talk to other people about these books.

Charlie Adhara: More paranormal romance! I wrote about these books at greater length recently, but the short version is: FBI agent gets transferred to the super secret werewolf division of the FBI and partnered with a hot werewolf, they fall in love, spend five books developing into The Ultimate Power Couple, I'm in love with their love. There's a spinoff series called Monster Hunt but only one book is out so far.

TJ Klune: I probably don't have to tell anyone about TJ Klune anymore and I'll admit he can be hit or miss for me but I did really love Wolfsong. As long as we're talking werewolves.

Dessa Lux: Okay these are more erotica than romance but Omega Required is a comfort read for me, which is funny because I'm not usually an omegaverse gal. But this is about a very sweet alpha doctor who offers a marriage of convenience to a very traumatized omega and it's literally just nonstop cuddling and soup. She also has a series that's just ever-growing werewolf gangbangs, if that's a thing you're into. Like. A cartoonish amount of werewolves at the gangbang. It's delightful.

Cat Sebastian: I will admit Sebastian is also a little bit hit or miss for me. I loved her very first trilogy, the Turner series, which is very much in the vein of KJ Charles (Regency romance, class divides, lots of conflict). She wrote some more 19th century stuff after that and then moved into mid-20th century romance (50s-70s) which is honestly very rare. She also basically...stopped writing any conflict at all. I would say a large portion of her books after the Turner series can be accurately described as "two best friends who are secretly in love with each other sit in the same house/apartment and enjoy each other's company until they get together." I know a BUNCH of people who absolutely love that and they are well-written! But I really have to be in the right mood for them.

Sarina Bowen and Elle Kennedy: Okay I am not a hockey person, but you must, you MUST read Him and its sequel, Us. Hockey-playing BFFs, one is gay and secretly in love with the the other, the other one is like "I don't think I'm into dudes but I'd better give you 300 blowjobs to make sure." (Spoiler: he's into dudes.) Honestly the stupidest men imaginable. I love them so much. Bowen has written a few other queer romances solo and I'm working my way through her back catalog now.

Rachel Reid: Yes it's more hockey romance but. BUT. Heated Rivalry. Two of the top players in the NHL, on rival teams, have famously hated each other for years...and have secretly been fucking since they were rookies. Reid is another one where I'm still working my way through her books but Heated Rivalry is something special.

I am SURE there are more I'm forgetting but this is long so I'll stop it here for now! Also folks should feel free to reblog with further recs, she said selfishly.

[thel0v3hashira143]

❝𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐔𝐏!❞

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ eren armin jean reiner n levi ☆ various aot men as dads!!

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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ fem!reader (referred to as mom or mommy), black aligned reader but as per usual anyone can read

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ notes: y'all thought i was playin when i said had 2 other pieces huh...well anyways heres my 2nd official revamp entry!! erm i hope u guys like it cause i lost like 3 hours of sleep over this. (its bhm you have to like it or else) stay hot!! 🎀🎀

eren yaeger 🌸

2 words. girl dad.

this man was born to have an army of girls surrounding him at all times (but he's not necessarily complaining in this case)

you two's daughter is a very passionate and outgoing child and eren totally embraces that

he's deeply involved in his child's life, sharing stories about the world and instilling a sense of curiosity (aka giving her bad ideas)

he was an outside and play in the mud kid so he is all for letting her have free range to express/play how she wants

and he's a sucker for your little girl so he usually gets roped into her shenanigans

when you come home and the house is quiet you know those two are up to something nefarious 😭😭

"eren, why the hell does my kitchen look a hot ass mess?"

"she wanted to make a cake, babe!"

i can see your daughter playing sports (soccer specifically) and he is 1000 the dad that yells at the ref.

"did you see that [name]!? that brat just pushed her over l, why didn't that bastard call it!?"

will get down and dirty for his girls. no matter what

emphasizes the importance of freedom, encouraging your to pursue her dreams no matter what.

actually the most supportive ever??

your daughter wants to play 10 different sports? he's buying all the equipment no matter the cost. she wants to be the next picasso? he'll buy her brand new art supplies and be her model.

just hes so just....*sigh*

armin arlert 🌸

my man, loml, my day 1, my soul mate my everything (he was my first anime crush i will be projecting on this one argue wit ur mama)

he is definitely a gentle parent to your little boy who's just a shy little dude

armin knows what it feels like to be that shy and quiet kid so he's very patient and understanding

him and your son are practically carbon copies of eachother minus his curly hair (which he got from you) but you think its adorable

speaking of hair HE TOTALLY LEARNS TO BRAID/DO TWIST

he knew taking care of your son's hair was going to require extra effort because of his texture but he doesnt care and learns anyway (sob sob)

him and your son are attached at the hip and wherever one goes you typically find the other.

they spend many quiet moments together and obviously armin reads him multiple stories before bed.

i can totally see y'alls son being an artist/artistically gifted

you can find him and armin sprawled out on the floor with paper and various art supplies as armin nods along to the nonsense coming out of your son's mouth

"mhmm, oh i see! i think that color looks great there too."

meanwhile you're in the corner just sobbing and dying of cuteness in your house

much like eren he teaches his son the values of curiosity and freedom, even if his son is a little more reserved

he wouldn't ever force him into doing anything he doesn't want to, but encourages him in the small things

i also fantasize about living by a beach with armin so ik he takes y'all to the beach at least 3 times a month.

every single time he goes he carries his son on his hip as the explore the beach in search of shells and other treasures to take home.

"you like this one buddy? why don't we give it to mommy as a nice present, yeah?"

i can't write too long or imma short circuit but i will be expanding on this because i love armin so much

he's so neat :]

jean kirstein 🌸

jean, as a dad, is like a mix of cornyness and seriousness

on the one hand i can totally see him making the stupidest dad jokes while you and your daughter are just like 🧍🏽‍♀️🧍🏽‍♀️

like the irl personification of "im not a regular mom, i'm a cool mom"

but on the other hand he's just like my dad where he can turn anything into a life lesson and you have to sit while he scolds your daughter for at least 30 minutes

it's all out of love tho

he thrives in a lighthearted atmosphere at home and spending time together is a huge thing for him

he is a bbq/camping dad and no i will not take criticism on this

jean takes pride in teaching life skills, from fixing things around the house to imparting practical wisdom (even though it isn't always wanted 💀)

your daughter will likely be well-prepared for the challenges of the world. he likes to think he's the reason she has a good head on her shoulders.

speaking of which, your daughter is very much sassy...(jean swears she gets if from you but we know the truth)

shes the first one to have something smart to say and its gotten her in trouble quite a few times with jean...but theyre besties.

balances tough love with genuine affection, cause he definitely mellowed out as he got older but knows when to put his foot down (unlike eren. what who said that??)

your daughter knows she can always count on him. ♡

reiner braun 🌸

AURGGYGHH I LOVE THIS MAN

anyways as soon as your son was born he only knew one word.

panic.

specifically timeskip!reiner. i can only imagine him as a worrier and a helicopter parent up until your son is like 6-7.

"rei, if you don't let that boy go play with the other kids!" "[name], i read that a slide has 82 times more germs than a kitchen sink. i won't let him be exposed to that."

it's just like *sigh* but thanks to you he eventually mellows out.

y'alls son is a really kind boy. like stupidly nice. damn near a pushover. (but we love him)

while you're ready to fight the other parents (or kids) who hurt your baby, reiner is actually more gentle in his approach

he's clearly a big strong guy but he's very gentle in his approach when it comes to seeing his son cry or just in general

reiner, as a dad, is the protector. he's vigilant and caring, instilling a strong sense of security in your home

your son feels safe knowing reiner is there to shield him from any harm.

seeing talk all soft to y'alls son makes you go sksmwkwmwka he's so man...

"hey, me and mom love you very much. you got that bud?"

balances strength with gentleness. offering a listening ear and encouraging open communication.

he wants his son to know he'll always be there for him since he never really had a father growing up

safe to say your son grows up feeling understood and supported by both parents ♡

levi ackerman 🌸

for sure the strictest dad on this list.

from the moment your daughter was born he had her on a schedule that was planned meticulously.

like hour by hour he knows what's going on and you're just there like🧍🏽‍♀️

"i read a consistent schedule helps with her brain development." "...."

as she gets older he calms down a little. but like only the smallest little bit.

however! levi, although strict, is a fiercely devoted dad

this just came to me but he's the dad where if you our your daughter syas you like a snack one time he'll buy a lifetime supply until you tell him otherwise

despite his stoic exterior, Levi has a soft spot for his child's well-being and takes pride in their achievements, no matter how small

your daughter is a dancer. fight me.

even if you can't make it, you see him in the audience at every recital with a soft smile.

"you did great. yes, i recorded all of it for mom to see too."

ngl he is very rule oriented but 9/10 he bends begrudgingly for your daughter (she looks like you, so he can never say no.)

he values discipline and order but also knows the importance of showing love and appreciation.

like reiner he didn't grow up with the best father figure (if one at all) or anyone to really give him confidence growing up.

your daughter never doubts that daddy loves her and thinks she's the best ♡

he also is so skilled at doing hair?? probably better than armin.

ponytail, bun, twist, braids, you name it, he can do it. (has put you shame on multiple occasions)

teaches self-reliance and responsibility, ensuring his child is well-prepared for life's challenges.

expects excellence but also provides unwavering support

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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ 2nd piece done!! why was i fighting for my life during jean and reiner's....but i actually really wanna expand on dad!armin and dad!levi so maybe i'll give all the kids names sometime in the future. i tried to finish this is my ap chem class and my teacher almost took my phone 💀💀 but expect more soon cause i am on a roll! 🏃🏽‍♀️💨

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲 ♡

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𝙧𝙚𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚!

𝙘𝙤𝙥𝙮𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙡0𝙫3𝙝𝙖𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙖143 2024

[luvermore]

Stan - A term coined popularly by Eminem from his titular song; the song features a fan deeply devoted to Eminem and goes to great lengths to get his attention. The word has popularly taken over a different meaning, good and bad.

I know the focus a lot of us have for the last episode was to emphasize fan culture but I think there is another aspect of the ep and show we aren't speaking on enough. Who is that you might ask? This diabolical bitch and who she ultimately represents in the real world (also, shout out to Namfon because they are playing the roll well and making me absolutely hate their face, lol).

We have conversations about Jun, PepperGam,ThamePo, fan culture, ghost ships, and more but we need to discuss the proprietor of it all, Pemika. She, in my opinion, and all her real life counter parts are why stan culture is the way it is. I want to be very clear that as much as people point fingers at idol culture in Asia (which has roots in xenophobia) , this is a worldwide issue. Western artists have the same "crazy" fans and crappy CEO's. The difference is just the structure of the industries, not the actual issues. In the case of ThamePo, Pemika and the industry are the real issues. It's in the very fabric of celebrity culture that you aren't selling music, you are selling yourself. Ideally, the market targets young girls as the biggest buyers in the market for a couple reasons. 1. Young girls historically have gone through "boyband phases" 2. Young people are more likely to spend money on things without much thought (i.e. their parents money or part time job money) 3. Young girls are told to believe in love, marriage, and children. This is of course, not saying boys and non-cis gendered people do not meet these parameters. But, the emphasis being on young girls is basked in sexism but that is a conversation for another day. Just wanted to be clear that I know fandoms aren't just straight girls.

That being said, an aspect you need to make your idols/artists likeable, is to appeal to that demographic. So what does that look like? Giving young girls the "perfect" boyfriend. You, as the company, set up an image that this boy/s is the perfect heartthrob-the ideal boyfriend you want. You paint a picture that they are all "for you" that everything they do is for their fans and their dreams; and as a kid/teen, your dreams tend to be the heart of everything you do. But with that comes unrealistic expectations to meet. Said idol/artist can't date because then the illusion of them being the perfect boyfriend falls. It's given to the world like it's your crush you've liked for so long getting a girlfriend. In those instances what do we feel? Jealousy, hate, dislike, heartbreak, etc. We tend to want to get over that person, throw away the crush as if it never happened.

Now, obviously every fan is not like this and plenty have healthy parasocial relationships with celebrities. But that's not the point the show is trying to make. The beginning of fan culture doesn't begin with fans, it begins with what we are given to "enjoy". Of course, this doesn't mean that you as a fan don't enjoy the artist work, but the companies tend to focus entirely on image rather than music/art. This is not a new sensation no matter how much the media wants to make Kpop fans seem like the epitome of "crazy fans". Nick Carters wife has candidly spoken of being harassed online and in person about dating/marrying him. This sensation doesn't date to the rise of idols in the western world or with the likes of Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift fandoms. It doesn't even start with the beginning of giving fandoms names, it has always begun with the industry and those running it. I hope we as a society grow to be better at this because there is no reason we should live in 2025 and people are afraid their s/o's are going to be harassed or hated. I stand by my assessment that the only way MARS can be happy is if they find a way to pay back their debt and leave this company. There is no way around Pemika's view on the industry. They absolutely need to leave but who knows the direction the show will take at this point.

I think we need to also acknowledge that there are layers to this. It's not just a show; it's disparaging ex boyfriend's of Taylor Swift, it's standing outside celebrity homes waiting for them to come out, it's believing you are entitled to their personal lives because, "they knew what they were getting into". A lot of people are outraged by Fern this past episode, but maybe ask yourself, are you outraged because you believe it's wrong, or because it's your faves in fiction? Ask yourself what part you may play in progression of the downsides of stan culture.

a/n: Anyway, I am sure someone is going to find fault in this because people love to argue but let it be known, I ain't arguing on tumblr. Argue with your mama.

[gandalfsalt]

Solavellan Angst and Dido & Aeneas

Here's an "essay" (more like notes) I wrote about a year ago after finishing Trespasser, and surprisingly it holds up ok! You can watch a video essay version on my TikTok @gandalfs_alt. I think the video version is a bit more polished because I wrote it yesterday, this old one is pretty rough.

Unfortunately no citations... feels weird to post w/o citations. Future posts I think I will start citing my sources.

A great love story that I see relating to Solavellan is the story of Dido and Aeneas. This story is even older than Tristan and Isolde, dating back to ancient Rome (specifically Virgil’s The Aeneid, completed in 19 BCE, about 2000 years ago). It is widely considered the archetypal love story that symbolizes the tension between love and duty in Western literature. 

Dido was the Queen of Carthage, a city located in North Africa. In some versions she is a sorceress, and she is beloved by her people. Aeneas was a Trojan hero who escaped the fall of Troy. Aeneas and his fellow Trojans fled across the Mediterranean Sea after the fall of Troy. They landed in Carthage, and were welcomed by Dido, who offered them hospitality.

Dido and Aeneas spend a significant amount of time together, and fall deeply in love. Over time their love became increasingly intense. In some versions they marry. However, Jupiter (Zeus), the king of the gods, sends the messenger god Mercury (Hermes) to remind Aeneas of his duty to establish a new homeland in Italy (what becomes modern day Rome). After contemplating staying by Dido’s side, Aeneas feels that he must fulfill his divine mission to re-establish his homeland and he abandons Dido, departing for Italy.

Dido is devastated by Aeneas’ departure. In her anguish, Dido constructs a funeral pyre, on which she places Aeneas's belongings, including a sword he had left behind. She then took her own life by falling on the sword. Aeneas, unaware of Dido's fate, continues his journey to Italy, where he eventually fulfills his destiny and founds the city that would become Rome.

I think some of the parallels are pretty clear. A mysterious wandering hero fleeing the aftermath of a fallen civilization joins up with a group of people and falls in love with their leader. He then abandons said leader to fulfill what he believes is his divine mission, which is to re-establish what has fallen in a new place.   

There’s two ways I think this story is helpful for understanding Solas, Lavellan, or Solavellan:

It has inspired so much art, we can look at how other artists have handled this theme to get insights into the characters, learn more about them, and learn about different ways this conflict (love vs duty) can be interpreted or represented.

If this story did in fact inspire the DA:I writers, learning more about it can possibly help uncover where they may take Solavellan in DA:D (dear god, I hope they don’t go the Dido route with Lavellan, pls no 😭)

Even though Solas is a pretty clear Aeneas type, I actually see him share a lot of attributes with Dido as well. One of the most famous versions of Dido and Aeneas is an opera (yes, opera again, lol) composed by Henry Purcell in 1689. It is one of the first operas composed in English, and is pretty much considered the premiere retelling of the Dido/Aeneas story in the English language. One of the most famous pieces from the opera is Dido’s Lament, and it’s the song Dido sings after she decides she can’t live without Aeneas, and is about to, literally, fall on a sword. 

The lyrics of Dido’s lament are:

More I would, but Death invades me:

Death is now a welcome guest.

When I am laid, am laid in earth,

May my wrongs create no trouble, no

trouble in thy breast;

Remember me! Remember me! But ah!

forget my fate. 

To me, this is 100% Solas’s psychological state when he leaves Lavellan. The lament is obviously very tragic and sad, but there’s something extremely stubborn and self-centered about it. It feels like a lot of self-imposed misery. In Dido’s case, she was certainly wronged by Aeneas, she was treated very unfairly and it’s not her fault at all, but her reaction to it is very self-pitying and self-sabotaging, literally and figuratively. I got the same feelings from Solas during his final confrontation with Lavellan. 

“Death invades me, Death is now a welcome guest,” - Wait a minute, who says anyone has to die? Why is dying the only option here, Dido and Solas?

“May my wrongs create no trouble in thy breast,” - It seems like Dido and Aeneas have the option not to commit these wrongs or additional wrongs, so why act all stubborn and resigned about it? 

The “wrong” I think Dido is referencing is her impending suicide. Solas may be referencing the same thing if he knows he is going to die, but in his case destroying the world and loving then leaving Lavellan are some other wrongs. But again, based on what we know, it seems like he has the option to stay and not destroy the world a second time. So why so stubborn?

“Remember me! But forget my fate.” My dudes. It seems to us like you’re choosing this fate. And you think we can remember you and not remember how you left us? You want Aeneas/Lavellan to hold the torch, but just forget a very monumental decision you made? That’s a little delusional. This line is so simple, but it does an excellent job of underscoring the conflict between love and sense of duty. In both cases, the heroine/hero want to be remembered by the ones they love, but at the same time they don’t want their choices to impact their lovers, or their lover’s recollection of them. Which really is impossible.  

[userparamore]

hi! genuine question - why is it a disappointment that pmore performed at eras tour? i’m very neutral on taylor swift so i don’t really know the issues surrounding it. thank you in advance ❤️

i'm no taylor swift stan so i don't really want to, or have the energy to mention everything. but from a paramore fan perspective it's disappointing bc it's makes them come across as hypocrites. i've talked about this before and i don't want to get into it again but they've spoken up about climate change, hayley even jokes about root being about our planet "running out of time", they've partenered with REVERB on their this why tour (which i guess is a little greenwashing-ish but better than nothing). but this ends up being ungenuine when you tour with the artist who releases the most co2 emission out of every celebrity. the fact that she sued the kid who called her out for this, i think says alot about her as a person. paramore preaches about the shows being a safe place for everyone; all poc and lgbtq+. but then they tour with the prime example of white feminism, who only speaks up/comments on things if it affects her. and again with paramore claiming to be more political during the this is why album cycle, and expressed multiple times how important the diversity of their fans are etc. it does not seem genuine when they're praising an artist like taylor swift as much as they have been doing. i think that saying of: if you want to know someone, just look at who they choose to spend their time with, is very true.

another part of this and i think this is probably the biggest one for paramore fans in general is that the tours during this is why didn't include europe mainland (or asia). they toured only in uk&ireland for this is why, and then in interviews said they did an european tour. is the european tour in the room with us now? anyway, the last european mainland tour was jan 2018, and had only 3 dates that wasn't in the uk out of 8. so the last real european tour was summer 2017 with 18 dates. 6 of them was in the uk&ireland and 4 of the rest of the european dates were festivals leaving only 8 "real" concerts in mainland europe. lots of the countries on the eras tours, like italy, poland, switzerland etc paramore haven't played in over a decade (aka during the self-titled era). to have waited this long for them to tour and then for it to cost close to 400 dollars for a nosebleed ticket, if you even get a ticket, does not feel great. another thing is that for some of these countries paramore have made 2 albums since the last time they toured, and they've never had the opportunity to hear any of the songs from those albums live. as the opener act on the eras tour, paramore played 9 song. most of these were their greatest hits. as a paramore fan you obviously want to go to a concert to see them perform, but for that amount of money i think it's reasonable to want to hear other songs than still into you, ain't it fun and misery business. the setlist was catered to reach non-fans, and that's fine honestly, it would probably be worse for them to play songs "nobody" had heard, than the one's that had commercial success and makes them be able to have some crowd interaction.

either way, i don't think people would've been as disappointed by this tour if they had also announced an solo european tour. the argument that this will get them new fans and make them a bigger name doesn't hold water in my opinion bc paramore are already a big band. they're already a band who can sell out tours and big venues on their own.

[dulldoll-0]

Hi! hi! good morning,good afternoon or good evening, Dull! I have a question. Can you tell us about Beetsy? Op Itsy, it's been a while i got to see her for once in a while! i just love that silly and yet beautifully kind soul, of Spider she is! even if she consider herself a bee herself. but anyway! i love Beetsy so much. I want to see her content very so much as i wanna learn about her! it makes me wanna have one of my oc to be friends with her! and defend her from her bastard ex- it makes me wanna build a barracade for her safety. >:T so,Futhermore! i hope you answer my question and have a good day! and I root for you in every piece of content you make, as you have my support as a fan, of course! your also my favourite wh artist! because of how chill you were! but also kind as you would spread a safe awareness for the fandom for the safety! <^o^>

Thank you for the Question and for liking the character ✨💖✨ YIPPEE NEW REFERENCE SHEETS & SOME ARTS :D

Facts about Opposite Itsy Iris, nicknamed “Beetsy” ( or even Daisy )

*Adopted to a village ( colony ) of Bees, and has two dads.

- Grew up thinking she was a bee with a bunch of deformities ( white hair color and lack of wings ).

- Grew up being afraid of spiders.

*Had difficulty fitting in due to her appearance and abilities of a spider that got in the way of the other bees’ works, which lead to her dying her hair and tail black.

-Her webs would get in the way of flying bees.

*She was banished from her village.

*Met Jack as he helped her during a rainy day, both of them somehow forming a friendship together, and got married when Beetsy was 20 and Jack was 22.

*She has Nyctophobia ( extreme fear of the Dark ) and Aquaphobia ( fear of deep oceans — almost as extreme as her fear of the dark ).

- She mostly doesn’t sleep well of having the lights turned off, due to Jack not being able to sleep with any lights on. — So she just deals with it and having her most valuable item, her flashlight underneath her pillow.

- Jack knows her extreme fear of the dark and takes advantage of it, trapping her in a closet when he gets angry at her.

-Overall, Beetsy and Jack’s dynamic is somewhat complex on its own. Jack having difficulty of showing he loves her, though obviously abusive and manipulative, while Beetsy isn’t entirely a Mary-sue either, despite her situation she still had an affair with Opposite Wally, — escaping her house multiple times to spend time with him and gaining an emotional connection.

- Opposite Wally and Beetsy met during a winter day— didn’t have a great start, but ended up bonding over sandwiches and books and Opp Wally hyperfixiating to her about Greek Mythology, which she had no idea about. ( fanonically speaking

*Beetsy LOVES:

*Sun & Light: She likes its warmth and brightness.

*Bread : She loves lots of kinds of bread, adding all kinds of different jams, making all kinds of sandwiches, and even adding flowers and honey to them.

*Honey: she also adds honey to most of her food.

*Flowers: loves smelling and eating them a lot, adding it to most of her food.

*Fairies: she has read many books about them and sometimes had wished to touch a few fae-traps she has spotted; circled mushrooms, unusual moving plants, etc.

-She wishes to get out more to find spots where supposed fairies could be.

-She wishes to plant her own garden someday so fairies are able to visit— and even open her own flower shop someday.

-Jack knew about her interest of fairies and collected butterflies and put them in picture frames for her, though she was more concerned at the sight, but appreciated him for his efforts.

*Books she likes to read are about fairies, faes, & pixies, bugs and insects, particularly about butterflies, flowers and plants.

*Similarities and Differences that Beetsy has with Itsy:

*Beetsy is more of a sweetheart compared to Itsy, being more of a pushover and doesn’t have any ill intent toward anyone, unlike Itsy, who is pure evil.

*Both are spiders.

*She likes mythical creatures and studies related to magic apparently, but doesn’t consider herself to be a witch, unlike Itsy, who uses her studies of dark magic for evil deeds.

*Both of them gets crushes very easily.

*They both like to eat a lot, but Beetsy actually eats actual food, while Itsy eats anything that’s edible or living ( she generally likes to torture them before spitting them out ).

*Itsy loves the cold darkness, while Beetsy hates it, and prefers the warm brightness.

*Itsy has a gothy fashion or style, while Beetsy prefers a more simple or modern cottage core to her aesthetic, despite wearing them most of the time.

*Itsy prefers to show skin, while Beetsy prefers to coverup.

Bonus for Beetsy’s Room design in Wally’s house.

Application used: Rooms ( not in phones )

ALSO 💖 💖💖 Thank You so Much for all your support! It’s been a dream come true to show my art to the world and gain a big following from all my work, my stories and ideas ever since gaining interest in the WH fandom. And I hope that if I continue doing my best and inspiring more artist to grow, they get to grow with me and how far we can all go. I seriously couldn’t have done it without my friends and family, and obviously you guys, the viewers, where ever you may be in the world who has been giving me lots of love and support. I seriously love being an inspiration to many and hope I don’t fail you in any way, and if I did somehow, I’d try to fix it in the best of my abilities. 💖💖💖

But overall, I’m still a human being with my own flaws, I can be more than naive, too empathetic, cold, serious, and be more than aloof, and selfish, but I try to learn from my experiences, and just generally want to get along with people in this community as much as possible. ( I’m more unhinged with what I tweet in Twitter 💀 )

[bomikalover]

heyy shyy!!!!!

i’m bored so imma ask rank ur top 5 df ships!!

OH YOU WANT ME TO DIEEEE DONT YOU

(Jk love you girlie 🫶🏾)

1: BOMIKA

OBVIOUSLY, WE ALL SAW THIS COMING. I’m a sucker for a good opposites attract but not too opposite?! If you know what I mean. Like Bose is a golden retriever dimwit who’s artistic and all about rule bending while Mika is a black cat brainiac who’s logical and all about rule-following. But they still are a match made in heaven because of their similar moral ground. Like Bomika are opposites but are aren’t polar opposites (like Bapa) The nicknames, the color coordination, the jealousy, all the tropes they fit, the height difference, the comfortability, and overall THE FACT THAT THEY WERE STRANGERS TO LOVERS. We literally saw their relationship go from strangers to friends to best friends to crushes to a couple! If S3 would have been a full season we would have seen canon Bomika!! They are a match made in heaven and the only confirmed canon ship of the show, I mean I will always be Bomikalover for a reason.

2: CHILES

Now I will say I titter on the line about whether I ship them as romantic or platonic but I think I finally have chosen my shipping route. I chose platonic Chiles-NOW HEAR ME OUT! Ever since I saw Chapa and Ruby then Miles and Buddy, my whole perspective changed. Chiles definitely gives best friends, like bail out of jail type of friends. Like I just know Chapa and Miles have to be super close hanging around Bomika all the time. Since Bomika have Bomika Sunday and seemed to be comfortable hanging without Chiles, Chiles had to learn to do the same. They just seem so happy being friends and I genuinely think that them not being together is the best option.

3:MACKERS

Now Buddy and Miles became a new ship of mine ever since I saw them in Big Dynomite. At first I thought they were cute friends then in Bose’s Bday I saw them as something more. That episode was literally Miles choosing between Buddy and Sissy. And he chose Buddy. Plus in SwellMelonFest, Buddy had an arranged date with a girl and showed no interest at all. He showed disgust more than anything. The HeadCanon that Buddy is gay is just canon atp. They both have similar personalities and seem to be comfortable with each other as well. But Miles to me felt the closest to Buddy out of the four kids. Bose had one sided beef cause Buddy actually has a dad who wants to spend time with him. Chapa is most likely still warming up to him but I think she’s second closest after Miles. Mika just seems to be treating him likes she treats all her friends but it’s Mika so what do you expect. Miles and Buddy would have been such a cute dynamic to see more off and it’s sad to say we won’t anymore.

4:CHAMIKA

Honestly I see this as romantic or platonic. I switch back and forth on the daily. Like I see them as besties but at the same time I wouldn’t be surprised if Chapa was the reason Mika found out she was Bisexual. Like they make sense dynamics wise.

Rule breaker x Rule follower

Black Swan x White Swan

And many more. But I ship Bomika so hard, that I struggle to see Mika’s romantic dynamic with anyone else but that’s a me problem lol.

But Chamika is a great ship, and I support it 100%

5: BAPA

I KNOW. I KNOW. ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK!

I DO NOT SHIP BAPA ROMANTICALLY.

Never have, never will.

It’s just not for me.

I can go on and on about why I don’t but I won’t out of respect for the Bapa shippers (who are actually educated and decent human beings) that do ship it.

But I adore the O’Brien De Silva twin dynamic. Like Bose and Chapa are so twins separated at birth core. Like 2 halves of the same person. They out twin the actual twins in the show. Like if I’m being honest it would have made more sense to have 2 sets of siblings than a pair of twins and 2 other kids. Or even better make Bapa step-siblings! Then their love-hate relationship makes a lot more sense. Like Chapa punched Bose in the face, pushed him in front of missiles, zapped him whenever she felt like it, dragged him around like a child, and told him that his dad wasn’t coming back. Plus many other things. Like that’s an older step-sister hating on her little bro right there.

BUT THATS MY TOP FIVE 🫶🏾

I didn't include Ruby & Chapa cuz I didn't feel fair since they only share one episode together unfortunately 😔

[casualdadnomad]

more silly college gaang headcanons! i made a post like this for the high school au a while back so i’m gonna revamp that with 🍂 college gaang in the autumn 🍁

masterpost 🐿️

fall weather enthusiasts: sokka, katara, mai, suki, zuko

absolute cold weather HATERS: azula, toph, ty lee, aang

aang tries not to be a hater in any aspect of his life but at the end of the day he is not built to be chilly !!!!!

toph just doesn’t like that shoes season is approaching for her

zuko despite being more tolerant of heat than most just likes to wear warm fall clothes

azula is a bitter hater as soon as the temperature drops under 60 degrees (me too)

aang is absolutely an iced pumpkin cold foam chai addict

the whole gaang spends a saturday going pumpkin and apple picking

they come back and carve pumpkins outside sokka and aang’s dorm building because sokka drove them to the pumpkin patch

toph commissions sokka to make the scariest face possible on her pumpkin. he makes it extremely cute.

as the resident artist on the team he does a lot of helping the rest of the gaang with their pumpkins

katara is way too much of a perfectionist with hers but it does pay off, she makes a perfect pumpkin

azula smashes hers because her carving was off center

she’s so me

aang tries to carve appa into his but it looks more like a huge blob and he is proud of it regardless

toph's hatred towards the cold translates to her not buying her own fall or winter clothes

"since when were you on a high school swim team" "this sweatshirt is katara's dont tell her"

she especially loves to steal merch for stuff she obviously didn't do / go to

south pole music festival 2023? sokka's. eras tour? ty lee's. ba sing se university one acts festival? zuko's.

cheerleader ty lee, color guard suki, and women's rugby toph all have sports in season and zuko and ty lee are working on the fall musical

everyone gets bundled up to go to the football games to see ty lee and suki every home game

every away game mai and sokka drive there to support their gfs as long as it's an hour or less away

everyone goes to see the fall musical too

even if ty lee isn't the lead and tbh there is something so special to me about ty lee in ensemble (me core)

they all see it at least once, sokka goes to every show to take pictures

none of them celebrate thanksgiving obviously but they do still get that break mid semester

maybe they're all from around the same place? maybe not? maybe the set up is exactly like it is in the atla universe and theyre from seperate corners of the world? but as of right now i don't think it matters

everyone visits iroh at zuko and azula's home for that mid semester break :)

they also visit hakoda and bato!

not toph's family though she actually doesn't tell them she even has a break

the gaang does a pie making contest in the communal dorm kitchen

they make a mess. they spend the same amount of if not more time cleaning this mess as they did actually baking.

the teams were pulled from a hat so we got sokka and toph, katara and zuko, aang and azula, and one group of three with mai, ty lee and suki

sokka and toph's pie was perfect because toph did not help

katara and zuko's was so incredibly disgusting

aang and azula's was not even recognizable as a pie and also on fire

the group of three also made a perfect pie

sokka and toph won because sokka made a lattice crust and no one else knew how to do that

okay this post is getting long so im gonna stop here ily have a great day !! thanks for reading :)

[waugh-bao]

I think you are a great fanfic writer and a great Charlie picture poster-er? Or however you would say that. I enjoy reading your analysis of Charlie’s place in the Stones and 99% of the time I agree. The other 1% would likely just be opinions on what haircut suited Charlie best or what suits he looked best in. Obviously I don’t know you personally but I get the impression that you are very intelligent and well-travelled. I admire your ability with languages as someone who really struggled with just beginner Spanish. It’s just not in my wheelhouse and I’m always impressed by people who can read/speak multiple languages. You seem very passionate about your work and willing to take on new adventures. Also, this is weird, but I’ve noticed you always find the most adorable stuffed animals. And your Stones photoshops always make me laugh.

Thank you, that’s very sweet! As someone who adventures for most of the year and spends a lot of time with new people or just alone (b/c I work and travel solo) because of it, writing fanfic and posting here gives me a nice little community on the go that I’m so appreciative for. And fanfic especially has been a great outlet because it often takes a lot of time to get feedback on my academic work, which is months in the making anyway, but with that I can write in a day or a week and see what people think much faster. Seeing a comment always brightens my day, especially when I’m traveling in countries where I’m very restricted in how I can live and where and when I can go places as a woman and end up spending much more time than normal inside alone as a result.

I can’t really take credit for most of my stuffed animals, because at some point friends just started giving them to me out of the blue. The vast majority of them are gifts, largely via friends who live in/are from East Asia or Europe, like my spam musubi kitty from Japan:

(For context, my bedframe is special made to also be a bookshelf/record holder/side table/display context, so those plushies have their own little box within it):

My lovely best friend, who is from Taiwan and who I visited last summer for a few weeks there, gave me this Formosan clouded leopard plushie her mom sent for me as part of my Christmas gift a few week ago:

But a handful of things I have bought for myself. My stuffed daikon and my vampire bat Tayto, which both live on my couch, as well as my Siamese with a bao on its head are from the California based indie company Smoko, whom I would highly reccomend. Many of their plushies come in a “mochi” texture and they’re so nice to cuddle with. They also make other cool little items, like shaped lights and markers and keychains, and they do new drops for different seasons.

My other go to for bizarre but adorable and high quality stuffed animals (and food, etc) is the British company Jellycat. The elephant (Claude) wearing the Yale Grad School hat and the hot chocolate (part of a Christmas gift from a London friend) are both from there and I’ve bought a multitude of their products for friends over the years, but fat and away my favorite is the reindeer peanut I impulse purchased from Selfridges:

I don’t think she has any stuffed animals on her site right at the moment, but I also have to mention the independent Asian-American artist Birdie Tam as someone who make absolutely beautiful ceramics (I have one of her cobalt dragon mugs) and a whole variety of incredibly adorable hats, fridge magnets, stationary, bags, etc. I love the capybara who lives on my fridge dearly.

[bramblesthatcat]

i know im not a steven universe blog but youtube knows i used to be a mentally ill middle schooler so i got recommended a bunch of SU songs and now i've binged the show again + movie + future and idk here r some of my SU opinions/hc bc fuck it why not.

opinions/thoughts

i totally think the Diamonds were redeemed way too quickly, and rewatching season 5 made me realize how god awful the pacing of that season was. they really needed a season 6 or like, split 5 in half idfk

obviously theres a difference between redemption and forgiveness, but I really wish that SU:F focused on that more bc it would've been a great internal conflict for steven but we only get like an 11 minute episode based on it (and yeah u could say that steven having mommy issues in Future is basically that but imo mommy issues r different than diamond issues)

pearl has the patience of a saint bc if my magical girl literal goddess of a gf/situationship left me for the 90's equivalent of a soundcloud rapper id never stop raging (yes this is partially a copypasta of that one tweet but they hit the nail on the head fr)

rewatching the series i love pearl so much i really see my younger self in her, especially w/ how autistic coded she is in regards to her feelings/emotions

i love seeing the different classic manga/anime artist styles reflected in each of the diamonds, like pinks design is so sailor moon vibes

steven shouldve flipped his shit before Future like, at least 6 times

headcannons/silly lil ideas

i like to think after SU:F and he's had time to heal, steven tries to connect with the diamonds and not run from/suppress that part of his family, like he's not gonna be 100% w/ them but he tries to at least accept it

steven also connects with greg's side of the family! idk I like to imagine he spends a lot of holidays with them to catch up on all the ones he missed

steven spends his summers in beach city and every other part of the year he dedicates to travel (idk he never seemed the type to settle down anywhere for long, and i fw the wandering nomad type)

steven grows his hair out as he gets older, like young-greg length (long haired men > literally any other hairstyle), despite the length it stays curly

once steven begins to accept/cope w/ being part diamond, he lets his hair go pink (either by dyeing it or magic, take ur pick) with the mentality of "im reclaiming this color from my mommy issues, also i look cool af" (this hc is mainly based off of how I like steven's pink hair in Future. style was first, lore was second lol)

post-Future steven is 1000% more willing to throw hands and lose his shit but in like a coping way bc he knows if he keeps it pent up it'll be 10x worse

steven definitely starts one of those van life style tiktok accounts and has a bunch of cats as his van pets

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

 I just read Samantha Geimer's book The Girl - A Life in the Shadow of Roman Polanski (2013). That book made me do what I have wanted to do for a long time: Write a post about why preventing rape is so difficult and how it could be done better. [...]

There is a lot more to say about the Polanski/Geimer case than the crime in itself. But I find the course of the crime in itself very interesting too. Not because it is an unusual case involving a celebrity, but because it appears so ordinary. If the Roman/Samantha case hadn't involved a celebrity, it would have been a case as common as any.

An evening in 1977

Samantha's account of the evening goes as follows: 13-year old Samantha followed Roman Polanski alone to actor Jack Nicholson's house in order to take a series of photos for European Vogue. Samantha's mother had arranged the contact. Samantha's mother was herself an aspiring actress and she urged her daughters to work hard to make it in acting and modeling. When Roman Polanski said he searched for a girl for an article in European Vogue, Samantha's mother knew this was an opportunity to take seriously. It could be a break-through for her daughter.

Polanski urged Samantha's mother not to accompany them, because that could make Samantha less relaxed in the photos, he said. The first time Samantha followed Roman alone, things went fine, except for the fact that he demanded that Samantha take off her shirt (and expose her undeveloped breasts). The second time, Roman drove to Jack Nicholson's house and took some photos of Samantha. He gave her champagne and asked her to drink while she was being photographed. He filled and refilled her glass and told her she should try a pill called Quaalude. Samantha said no thanks and lied that she had already tried that pill, so she could claim she didn't like it. Roman wasn't impressed by her resistance and insisted she should take it. She did, and immediately got terrified that she would end up in a coma like some girl she had heard about who had combined alcohol and pills. 

Roman then told her to undress and get into a jacuzzi. No panties allowed. Samantha thought there might be a reason - maybe her rust colored panties would be visible in the photo. So she took everything off and went into the jacuzzi. 

While she was in the jacuzzi, Roman told her he was getting in. That wasn't part of the deal, she thought. 

"He’s getting in? I’m fine with taking off my top, I’m fine that he doesn’t care about anything I have to say, and the way he acts all indifferent to me, and I can even deal with spending all this time with him because everyone tells me he’s a great artist. But . . . this? No. He is a forty-three-year-old man with wet lips. He doesn’t even like me."1

She avoided looking at him when he dressed off and stepped in. He ordered her to get to his part of the jacuzzi and pulled her by the waist so she would feel bubbles from the bottom of the jacuzzi between her legs. 

" Does it feel good?", Roman asked. 

Samantha didn't think it felt good in any way. But she politely answered: "Uh, yeah".

She didn't tell him what she really felt about him. She didn't tell him not to touch her. Instead she said: "I can’t breathe in here. I have asthma."

She tried to back away, but he was holding her firmly. When he saw she obviously wasn't happy, he suggested she should go into the pool to cool down. She really didn't feel like it. But he insisted, so she dove in, swam to the other side, grabbed her towel and went to the bathroom and took on the panties she had left there. 

"He follows me. “How is your asthma?” he asks gently.  His voice is soft, wheedling.  “I need to go home and take my medicine,” I say.  I’m really glad he doesn’t ask me what the medication is for asthma, because I have no clue what it is and then I’ll be in trouble. He says offhandedly, “Yeah, I’ll take you home soon.”  Then he tells me to go into the other room and lie down.  “No, I have to go home,” I say, but he takes me by the shoulders and walks me to the bedroom, and sits me on a large red velvet couch. He asks if I’m okay.  “No, I am not okay,” I say. “I better go home now.”  He assures me I’ll get better. He holds my arms at my sides and kisses me, and I say, “No, come on,” but between the pill and the champagne it’s like my own voice is very far away. He’s kissing my face and feeling my breasts and he asks me again if I like it, does it feel good. I say nothing, but he’s a guy who makes movies, so I imagine he’s filling in the dialogue for himself. You’re making me do this and now you want me to tell you I like it, too? It’s not like you’re going to talk me into liking this. Then he goes down on me. I know what this is, of course, because I’ve read about it, but have never actually had someone do it to me. He asks if it feels good, which it does—and that, in itself, is awful. I don’t want this, my mind recoils, but my body is betraying me. And that’s when I check out. I go far, far away. There is a sense of complete and utter emptiness. Oh, just my body. I’m not really in here. Okay. I see. He keeps murmuring something, and he is trying to make it nice for me, I know, but it is not nice and everything is blurring and I feel dizzy and the room is so dark. But I don’t fight. Why fight? All he wants to do is have an orgasm, this little spasm that makes the world go ’round. I made the decision to just let him do it, how bad can it be, it’s just sex. He doesn’t want to hurt me. He just wants to do it. And that will be that. It’s not like I am a real person to him, or for that matter that he is real to me. We are both playing our parts."

Afterwards, when Roman finally agreed to drive her home, Samantha did her best to seem calm. Roman asked if she was okay and she assured him that she was. During the car ride, he asked her to keep what happened secret. Samantha rushed into the house, still heavily drugged, ran up to her mother and asked her to lie to Roman that she had asthma. Then she rushed into her room.  [...]

A typical evening 

Samantha Geimer is careful to point out that what Roman Polanski did against her is far from the worst thing that happens to people. I think she is right. Most men have the sense to stay away from young teenagers. But I think the kind of coercion to which Roman subjected Samantha is very typical. It was so subtle that Roman seems to have persuaded himself that he and Samantha "made love" that evening.3 

I think that kind of subtle coercion lies behind most rape statistics. Estimates how many women get raped during a lifetime vary, but figures like a fifth or a sixth are commonly mentioned. How is that figure possible? It is not like a fifth of all women are seriously injured from being raped in their youth. I think the reason why rape can be so common, without it being very noticeable, is that the vast majority of cases build on subtle coercion, like in the Roman/Samantha case. No injuries to show. Not even a story about fighting and yelling to tell. Just a story about not being listened to. [...] Samantha was a minor and thereby a less usual rape victim. But Roman Polanski appears to be a very typical rapist: Selfish and opportunistic but not sadistic. 

The politeness trap

In the months and years after the evening with Roman Polanski, Samantha asked herself why she couldn't resist him better. Why didn't she protest more vigorously? Why didn't she freak out? 

I didn't ask the same question when I read her account of the events. I thought the way she reacted made a lot of sense. Sure, she could have reacted differently. But freaking out carries its risks too. There is a reason why people tend to behave calmly and politely in the presence of people they don't know: Because if you cease to be calm and polite, the other person might follow your example. That is not a good thing. Especially if the other person has the physical power to kill you instantly with his bare hands, would he get the impulse. [...]

The potential costs of angering a man who asks for a date and a man who wants sex now are both similar and different. In both cases, there are potential social costs. He might feel offended by being rejected and spread malice to common acquaintances. He might be a superior who can reduce professional opportunities, like in the Roman/Samantha case. In both situations, a rejection might cause the proposing part to become violent. But most of all, the threat of violence is a problem when immediate sexual access is the issue. Because such requests tend to be made when a man and a woman are alone together.

The ambiguity of politeness

In general, people want to keep situations with people they don't know polite. Politeness is a technique to keep a situation at arms length from being violent or even openly hostile. Everyone most often benefits from keeping situations peaceful.

But there is one group of people who benefits more than any from keeping relations on the polite side: Women who are alone with men they don't know well. If politeness would give way to violence, those women know that they will inevitably be the losers. That way, in one-on-one situations with women who are not well-known, men hold a very important strategic advantage: The woman has stronger incentives to work for a civilized solution to any disagreement than the man.

The core feature of politeness is ambiguity. Polite people say "I just had lunch" instead of "your cookies are stale and disgusting". That way, the person offering cookies can just guess whether they were insulted or not and are thereby blocked from retaliating an insult. Polite women say "I have to go home" instead of "No way I'm having sex with you" for exactly the same reason. If she claims she needs to go home, the man offering sexual contact can't claim to be completely sure he was rejected. Maybe she actually had to go home and will happily return to have sex tomorrow. No insult or even complete rejection has been uttered.

Through being politely ambiguous this way, women reflexively try to keep costs down. It often works. Every day, countless women politely talk themselves out of sexual initiatives they don't want. Men who don't get the women's first polite protest often get their second or third. Many times, being polite is a great way to avoid unwanted sex at a low cost in terms of damage to social relationships and physical injury.

The problem is that a few men aren't susceptible to polite protests. They do like Roman Polanski in Samantha's account and use the ambiguity in polite rebuffs for their own selfish purposes. They can choose to respond "No, I don't think you have to go home, you can stay some more (until I have got off)". Women in that situation face a choice

Become impolite and say: You got me wrong. I want to get out of here right now. 

Search for other polite excuses that have better effect. 

This is an immensely difficult choice. Point 2 is low-risk and very often works. Many men who don't believe in the first or second polite rebuff will get it when he gets the third. Impolite clearness is more likely to be effective, but also risks escalating the situation. Most men are not prepared to use physical force to get sex. Also most selfish men who are prepared to ignore polite verbal protests will stop before using brute force. The problem is that you never know who is who.

Killer rapists are rare. But encountering one is certainly… costly. There are also many degrees between getting raped very gently and getting killed. Although few rape victims get killed, many sustain physical injuries. [...]

If you were at the mercy of [someone] stronger than you. What feelings would you like to induce in them? Would you like to annoy them? To anger them? No, probably not. You would want them to like you as much as possible, so they treat you as gently as possible. [...]

Politeness for the sake of politeness

Violence is the ultimate risk of being impolite. Still, I don't think that most victims of sexual coercion have violence directly on their minds. Samantha Geimer doesn't claim that she ever believed that Roman Polanski intended to hurt her. Actually, she claims the total opposite - that when Roman had ignored her protests long enough, she thought she could let Roman have sex with her because he wasn't going to hurt her.

Rather, we learn something already when we are very young: Be polite, or you are putting yourself at risk. Emotional risk, social risk, physical risk; risk plain and simple. Children are taught that saying what you think is bad if it makes someone else feel bad. 

This applied system spares humans countless unnecessary conflicts. But it also creates the opportunity for fraud. People are so socialized to make other people feel okay that doing the opposite is actually difficult. From a young age, we have learned that upsetting people is wrong. When someone is upsetting oneself, that is a first obstacle to overcome. One has to think: This is so objectively upsetting that I am right to break the rule that upsetting people is wrong.

Samantha never came to that point. Even after Roman had raped her and she was genuinely upset, she was careful to keep him happy. She cried and hid it from him. When he asked, she said she was okay. Why did she make such efforts to keep him comfortable? Probably because she had been raised to keep people comfortable whenever possible. Like all normal people have.

I think countless rape victims act like Samantha did. They just don't get to that point when they find reason enough to break the general politeness rule quickly enough. They don't get to that point until they are alone again and get time to think. While socializing, the ingrained rule is: Never upset people. A few people are using that rule for their own ends, in very upsetting ways.

A few men are actually using violence or open threats of violence to get sex. That is a stupid thing to do. The smart way to do it is to misuse social rules that are both so strong that they make people meek and docile and so little spoken of that you can cast doubt over who was actually doing anything wrong. Wasn't it actually she who wronged him through being polite when she should have been clear?

The misunderstanding game

In one-on-one situations between strangers, women's incentives to be polite are higher than men's incentives to be polite. That has two implications. 

Selfish men can use that imbalance of power to serve their own interests, often while refusing to realize what they are doing. 

Clueless men can fail to realize that in a given situation, women feel less free to be frank than they do themselves. That way, the men honestly fail to understand their partner's signs of distress. 

For an outside observer, type 1 is next to impossible to distinguish from point 2. If society doesn't want to punish both types, and quite a few men who are just victims of lies and false memories too, it will just never get that first type.

Type 1 men can always describe themselves as type 2. More than that, they can unconsciously make themselves into type 2. I think that was what Roman Polanski did. At the very moment he raped a 13 year old, he seems to have managed to both ignore her interests and tell himself that he acted in her interest. Human ability for self-deception is well-known. Sexual matters are no exception.

Therefore, I think our society's much talked about ambition to end sexual coercion with legal force is hopeless. It just won't happen. Those who want to reduce the risks of sexual coercion and improve relations between the sexes need to look elsewhere. [...]

A better compromise is possible 

One thing I find strange is all the ridicule that surrounds the idea that people should talk it through a bit before they have sex with each other the first time. People make comment after comment on the outrageousness of consent apps and rituals to collect proof of consent.

In the light of history and anthropology, the idea that sex should be entirely up to spontaneous feelings is an extreme opinion. Most societies and all civilizations have not only asked their citizens to talk it through before they have sex. They also required a majority of its citizens to get the approval of people around them before they had sex, so called marriage.

I think that in today's society with today's technologies for birth control, that is an exaggeration. But I also think it is an exaggeration to claim that sex is so uncomplicated and risk-free that it is a good idea to improvise it late at night with a high blood alcohol level with a person you just met. Sex is no longer so dramatic that it requires the approval of an entire community. But it is also not so undramatic that it can be left entirely to spontaneous emotions. [...]

White knights, unite! 

Good guys respect women. For that reason, many of them think that it is entirely fine for them to go to a bar for a first date, to go home with an unknown woman or to go for a lovely walk in nature. And yes, that will be fine with a good guy. But what if the same woman's next date is a bad guy? Then the good guy has actually done something bad: He has contributed to establishing a norm that women should follow men to obscure places, because usually it is just a nice thing to do. Such norms make women accompany men, both good ones and bad ones, to places where they are vulnerable. 

Instead, I think good guys should make life difficult for bad guys by behaving differently. If good guys set an example and always arrange a first and second and third date in a neutral place like a coffee shop, it will be easier for women to think twice before accompanying unknown men into places where men have the upper hand. [...]

All men, maybe especially good guys, like it when women show them confidence. No one wants to be treated as a potential rapist. That way, I think men give women who take risks advantages in the female-female competition. Men, also the good guys, favor the women who put themselves at risk of sexual coercion. That preference creates a pressure on women to take more risks than they would ideally prefer to. 

I think that is what all men who consider themselves good guys should do: Stop rewarding the most risk-taking behavior. Giving women positive feedback when they trust you is a way to teach them that in the dating game, taking risks pays off. While it might feel good in the moment it is a sure way of exposing women in general to more risk than is advisable. [...]

A culture where people are expected to always be ready for seduction and need to opt out if they are not opens for unintentional and intentional misunderstandings of people's signs of opting out. The price of reducing this risk of sexual coercion further is to rein in the seduction culture. For people who don't actively participate in that culture anyway, it should be a price worth paying. 

[inkybloom-luv]

Words Unsaid 12, so there's school festivals here too?

Heya guys! Today there's another setup chapter for you cuties! The chapters will come out slower now as I have not yet read chapter 5 completely so please give me time to do so! In the meantime I'd like to know if drabble requests are something you guys would be interested in.

Slight Chapter 5 spoilers!

Part 1 Part 11 Masterpost Part 13

1.5k+ words

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Even though he slept less than usual Jamil felt strangely energetic today. Perhaps it was because he'd slept the best he had in a while or straight up because he woke up next to Inky. It was such a simple thing but he'd be lying if he didn't wish it would happen more, just because of how nice it felt. Is it bad he wished the prefect would have more nightmares only so he could hold her..? Probably. But as it stood, this was the only way he was able to act on his own feelings. Not like he didn't know Inky had feelings for him before his Overblot but he doubted it was love, now that he'd done what he did. Still he hopes and dreams as he stirred the non-proverbial pot of curry in front of him. It was one of the dishes he was making for lunch. He was making something else for Kalim, of course, as Kalim obviously didn't like curry.. but Jamil and Inky could have it, especially since the prefect did say one time she really wanted to eat something Jamil made and admitted in the same sentence that they've been looking to try more foreign food like different curries. Also in that sentence they said that anything Jamil made would be more than satisfactory though.

At the same time that day Kalim was at a housewarden meeting, simply to discuss the future event that would be held soon. The National Arcane Academy Cultural Fair. It was a yearly event mostly consisting of artistic type events like poetry slams, research presentations and, the most well known part of it all, the SDC. The SDC, or Song & Dance Championship, was a contest for singers and dancers, basically any musical talent, to go up on stage, by themselves or in a group, and show their aforementioned talent to the world to show who was the best of the participants that year. The winners would get not only a monetary prize but also a ticket to stardom. Of course that ticket to stardom wasn't exclusive to first place but they had the best chance.

Riddle, who was head of the planning committee was rambling on and on about the details but the report was necessary. Turns out both Vil Schönheit and Neige LeBlanche would be participating this year as well, which meant extra press coverage for the school. Crowley was delighted about this of course and put up audition posters through negotiation with Vil that very same day. They were plastered all over a few notice boards, especially the one in the cafeteria. By lunchtime it was surrounded by people, which had sent Ace, Deuce and Grim to check it out. Inky stayed seated with Jamil and Kalim, though the occasional glance was thrown their way, since she was pally with Kalim as well as Jamil, who had literally tried to off them over the winter holidays that ended recently. Not that Inky really cared.

Unfortunately she did have to tear herself away from the Scarabian duo as she had class duty along with Deuce for the upcoming alchemy lesson and Ace was tagging along to chat. Speaking of Kalim and Jamil, that was where the conversation drifted, though grim did most of the talking.

"Seriously, first he tries to manipulate and kill you and now you're friends? Kinda weird if you ask me" Ace commented.

"Don't call my hench-human weird! Besides, it's not like he hasn't apologized and more. He's been taking care of me and Inky very well, Kalim also..! I think my henchman and I can decide who we, mostly I as a great mage, will spend our time with!"

"Thank you Grim.. I think that gets the point across. Besides.. Jamil is really nice to me, I like him a lot" The two half-students said, one confirming the other.

"What, you're still crushing on the guy? How? He literally gave you a massive scar on your arm, he could have ended you..!" Ace once again protested.

"And again, he apologized."

"You believe that?"

"Yes and you know next to nothing about him so I won't be hearing another word out of you about this..!" The prefect said, anger lacing into her stern tone, sending ace a small glare.

"Alright alright, I'll shut up" He said, though not happy about it. Before their conversation continued though, they were promptly distracted by singing.

"Who's singing? It sounds really nice" Deuce said as they listened, right after though, the singer seemed to choke up on their own voice, which sounded less than healthy. So, with slight concern, the group closed in on where the sounds were coming from, the well in the school courtyard.

Upon approach they met another first year, his name was Epel Felmier. He had lavender hair and blue eyes, his stature was small and skinny but well balanced, his skin was pale too and he spoke in a generally soft voice, unless some sort of accent came out that Inky personally could not place. All went well until they were interrupted by the Pomefiore housewarden Vil Schönheit. He had a regal presence, something like a king or queen in a sense that he was confident and knowledgeable in a few areas. Basically a perfect upperclassman if it weren't for his temper at that moment. Vil was upset that Epel was not training so he wanted to move Epel somewhere else so he wouldn't get interrupted. This went over wrong with Ace as well as Deuce as they misinterpreted Vil's tone and words. The fight that ensued wasn't even that long as Vil was vastly better at his magic than those two unfortunate souls.

The end result was an utter defeat which gave Vil the opportunity to leave with the lavender haired boy. Though not before the latter waved goodbye to Inky as she ushered Ace and Deuce up on their feet to clean themselves up and check for scrapes. She did wave back though. They went to Professor Crewel's lab and classroom, setting up the next lesson with the instruction of the teacher. In the midst of this, another student came in.

This girl was pale as can be and her hair was back length and white. She was rather short as well.

"Hello professor Crewel! I'm here to deliver those late project papers you asked me to go get" Her voice rang through the room as she grinned in a friendly way, waving to the first year trio that was setting up.

"Poor guy was really under the weather, caught a stomach bug or something but he'll be fine. He's over the worst of it according to the nurse, he needs a day or two to recover properly."

"Good girl, thank you for informing me. You have a free period now, yes? Why don't you sit in on the first years and help out? I could use a helping hand to whip these bumbling pups into shape and you're on the school's student tutoring program, so you'd be a good fit." Crewel said, to which the pretty student agreed as he explained what they would be doing during the class period.

It gave Inky the ability to look at her a little more closely. She had facial piercings and some on her ears. The ones on her face were a septum and a lip ring as far as Inky could tell. She didn't wear a blazer, had her sleeves rolled up and her purple vest was open. She wore her white blouse tied up in a way that it would expose her stomach, though not in a war that was inappropriate. She wore a shorter skirt variant at her hips that ended above her knees and flip flops as her footwear. It left a lot of questions as to how she wasn't cold. Then again it wasn't too cold, simply chilly.. she dressed like it was summer though. She had jewelry too, a few rings, a choker and a necklace, an anklet, two bracelets and on her other arm she wore her Pomefiore Armband, except she had it tied more around her wrist than anything, like another bracelet.

That lesson was over quickly, and it was fairly nice. Turns out the student's name was Alani and she helped out around the classroom after having changed into appropriate gear. She was a Pomefiore third year apparently and had heard about the prefect from Leona, whom she visited during spelldrive practice after school occasionally so she could exercise with them. She was good at explaining things and this included her clothing. Apparently she was dressed the way she was because it was usually hot or at least warm here compared to her homeland, which was very far up north. In conclusion the lesson was lovely and after all the cleanup the prefect even managed to get Alani's number, for emergencies or if Inky ever really needed or wanted something.

The rest of the school day went off without a hitch as well, only really starting to pick up the pace when ace and Deuce along with grim decided they would contact this 'Rook' character to get an audition appointment.

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@leonistic

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@escaaaaaanyeh

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[freshthoughts2020]

THE THREE WORDS I'D SAY TO MY 18 YEAR OLD SELF

THE THREE WORDS I'D SAY TO MY 18 YEAR OLD SELF'

February 5, 2024

I saw a meme today that posed the question, what would you say to your 18 year old self using only three words. I always love these type of hypotheticals.

I believe I made mostly great life choices thus far but like everyone you think about how you could’ve did somethings differently. I love how things panned out but if I really had the choice to affect something I would put me on my current path sooner.

So what’s the three words I would say to myself? I would say “Become a Lawyer”. If you know anything about my back story, you know I didn’t give a clown’s nose about becoming a lawyer. It was more logical for someone like my brother or my mother to become one. My brother because, my Grandma would always tell him, “Jay you like to argue so much you need to become a lawyer” (wait until she find we spend 90% of our time avoiding arguing lol).

I would say my mother because she worked years as a paralegal so if she ever decided to go that route it would make sense. But me? No it made zero sense. Nothing about my life said I would be a lawyer, I was a nerdy kid that loved the creative arts (and obviously still do). My grades wasn’t top of the top.

Honestly I was the average student. My art skills weren’t praised, my grades weren’t praised, the only thing that stood out for me was my personal style and my sense of humor. I was “average” on paper but never did I look at myself as “average” I knew I was extraordinary from the beginning lol.

I would choose those three words because my 18 year old self would’ve been smart enough to know that don’t mean stop the arts but it would’ve gave me a north star much sooner. I made the decision to go to law school in 2015, when I was in a corner financially and was lost career wise. 2015, I was one year removed from undergrad, with no job in my field in sight. I was thinking I cannot be a struggling artist I have to make something happen and then reinvest my earnings into my arts.

So I thought I know I’ll become a lawyer, it then took me two years just to get into law school! Graduating in 2020, it took me until 2023 to become licensed! So that’s 8 years spent to gain the illustrious title of “attorney”.

If I was able to tell my 18 year old self “become a lawyer” my 18 year old self would’ve streamlined his life to make himself get into school any means necessary. Those three words would change so much, here’s how I imagined it would’ve played out. I still would’ve attended UAPB, but with those three words from Future me in my head, my major would’ve reflected law instead of marketing. I would’ve focused on gaining internships and working in a firm during school, which would’ve saved me from the agony of being a broke college student lol.

Knowing my infatuation with New York, I would’ve applied to every New York school possible. Also, I would’ve attended school immediately after undergrad, no breaks. I would’ve probably treated law school the same way I did in this timeline but having more knowledge about school in the alternate timeline, I would’ve had a bar prep program from the beginning lol. ( I never used one to get licensed but definitely would’ve did it in this scenario).

After passing the bar, would’ve been in New York licensed earlier, solving financial woes way quicker and enjoying success at an earlier age. With all that said I’m glad it did not happen that way. God made sure things happened exactly as they should. The endless L’s I took gave me much character growth and it makes me a better person everyday. These questions are fun because it make you think of endless possibilities but that is also the problem. Don’t get caught up in the “what ifs” and “what could’ve beens”, we’re in the now and God blessed us with the gift to be present. Make today count and avoid future regret at all costs, I know I will! #StayFocused

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[raeflora]

Hi again! I would really love your opinion on something, (since you said that if I ever want you to write meta on something specific I can ask)

Do you think that most D**ir shippers are Dan fans rather than Blair l fans?

I am going forward with the rewatch and I have been reading stuff here andvon other platforms and I have noticed that most D**ir focus on what Dan feels or what Dan does for Blair, ignoring Blair's emotional and mental state at the time

Furthermore they seem to want to rid Blair from all the things that make her Blair (like her ruthlessness and scheming)

Idk... For me Blair wouldn't be Blair without the good and the bad. So it makes me wonder if these people just.... Don't like Blair very much.....

hi!! this is such a good question tysm and this is gonna be long so I hope u don't mind 🫶🏻 I think generally yes d*ir fans do seem to be more fans of dan than they are of blair, and I think there are a few reasons (that I've seen) for this. some of it comes from penn badgley fans as a lot of ppl who discovered him from you on netflix have then watched gg and like dan purely bc it's him. some of it also comes from this rehash of the idea that chuck's "bad" bc of the pilot and ignoring his development, and dan's "good" bc... he's not chuck lol.

ur right in that a lot of them don't want blair to be, well, herself. as I said in my other meta post there's a lot of focus on how blair's "better" when she's with dan. she doesn't scheme, she doesn't do anything, really, except from talk about movies and artists. they think that this watered down version of blair is her true self, even though if u watch the previous 4 and a half seasons it's obvious that's just not true. they want blair to be this girl who's content to spend her days visiting museums and waiting around for dan who she's clearly not. there's nothing wrong with her that dan needs to fix, and chuck didn't corrupt her. she can be interested in art and movies and still scheme and be mean. there's no mutual exclusivity to any of her personality traits, they can all co-exist and are what make her blair. like chuck said in s2 it's stupid to want her to be anything other than what she is.

also, ur so right again in that they ignore blair's mental state. she's obviously not in a good place in s5 and probably shouldn't jump into any relationship after her divorce. but dan pushes her into it. throughout the show she belittles him, insults him, makes fun of serena dating him, and generally just doesn't like him. while they're dating she still doesn't seem that keen on him. there's talk of how she's happier and smiling all the time with dan, but she's not. she effectively throws a tantrum being seen out with him and she can't celebrate his career, she instead undermines and upstages him. her behaviour doesn't seem like someone who's found her perfect match. it seems like someone who's in a confusing transitional period of her life and clings to the nearest man, like she did with carter in s2. if dan was this great perfect man he'd say he couldn't date her right away, let her sort herself out. but no, he forces her to be more than just friends bc, where she's so isolated from everyone else, if she loses him then she loses her only support system (the fact that she becomes so reliant on dan humphrey in the wake of her miscarriage is something for another post) so she kind of has to get into a relationship with him, even though she's not ready mentally.

in terms of liking blair, I think that most d*ir fans like their own version of blair, instead of the canon version. this might be connected to them often preferring dan, and then they just project traits onto blair that aren't hers. I don't know why they don't do this to serena btw, bc her relationship with dan is significantly more important, and she was far more willing to do "ordinary" things with him than blair. ultimately I think they want d*ir, and blair individually, to be something they're not and were never going to be. d*ir isn't sethmer or paceyjoey or whoever else they compare them to. blair isn't someone they can shape into fitting their ideas like dan does, she's her own distinct character and if they don't like her then they should admit it instead of mischaracterising her