#obviously entertainment is important but holy fuck did *all* of that need to go to producing more iterations of Superman vs Goku?

[rotary-supercollider]

.

[ninetwelves]

idg this one opinion i saw on all stars 7 being bad bc the back ups they had to me make no sense theyre like all stars 7 was bad bc it didnt have enough early season winners like omfg wherw is the self awareness

bebe was on all stars 3 should could come back but thats kinda debatable ik they bring queens back 3 times( and even 4 times being jimbo) but maybe its more debatable for a first all winners season

tyra is cut out for her bomb threats to drag con she gets left out the winners circles

obviously sharon gets left out the winners circle and what clasifies as early season winners for me itd be 1-3 or 1-5 bc 6-8 or 9 feel a bit mid season (def not in quality) bianca wont do it, bob wasnt invited but thank god she hosted pitstop

violet would do it and maybe it wouldve been good if she did bc shes out here huffing paint of booting raja for not wearin corsets fjndjfnfnfn

alaska wouldnt be invited back

trixie wouldnt do it

sasha velour wouldve been cool but if they make a second one they cant use all their best queens and sasha art is great but maybe they were thinking best tv personalities w chemistry (bc all stars 8 lacked that MAJORLYYY) bc i think they did pic best tv personalities together like sure certain queens i absolutely would gag but i strangely wasnt mad at the cast for how robbed manila was (and she was robbed like imagine manila in that season but thats the all stars format riggery fault) but yk monet and trinity were some of the mosg entertaining thank god it made me fall in love w monet???

like thats debatable tho for some queens coming back but unfortunately for early seasons there was genuinely not a lot of options BUT IM SO GLAD WE GOT THE TWO BEST ONES ESP FUCKING RAJA (BC BOY WHAT THAT SEASON DID TO ME IT MADE ME FALL SO DEEP LOVE FOR RAJA SHES OFFICIALLY MY MOTHER GF BF AND AUNTIE ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY) and yk the first thing i fell in love w that season was raja + jinkx and all the newer winners holy fuck did i ever love that sure it was def a bit rigged theyre not the most stand out lip syncers of the bunch but god did they both ever pave the way for them all there (esp raja) and i believe it was so needed to show that respect

and raja and jinxk r good lip syncers stunts arent everything song choice is important

it def wasnt the strongest lip sync season ill admit that but yo i adore watching lip syncs ppl dont think i care about fashion in drag race but i really do this season is my fav for a reason raja is my fav for a reason it wouldve been sm more perfect for me if the lip syncs were so top tier but idk fuckin raja vs viv was so fun / perfect raja vs jaida was so so fun

raja had no chance for yvie im super biased that im glad she won but idk raja still slayed its just yvie oddly ur going against maybe ru hated yvies wigs or smth (listen i love yvies shes one of my favs) i dont disagree w the track record vs lip sync bc i guess itd depend on the lip sync and track record and entertainment to the season ofc u cant please everyone, it makes it a lot less predictable altho imo jimbos win as much as its deserved is waaayyyyyy too predictable and not even cute bc at least w season 15 the other queens of so many different styles of drag and diversity and experience and worlds kepts sasha on her toes a bit she shouldve won more but damn i just love me a season w milfs ok IM JUST MILF BIASED LET ME HAVE THISSS

ok also the cast was good (despite manila being robbed in as 4) they didnt need to rely on villian edits or drama which im not against for drag race but thats how good their chemistry and personalies were like that is so important a goooooood ass cast can carry and i dont think all stars 8 delivered (i even think all stars 1 delivered that sm more than 8)

but idk i think my all stars ranking that some places can be flipped is

all stars 7 (fav season EVER)

as 2

as 3 + 4 tied

all stars 6

all stars 5

all stars 1

all stars 8

and im gonna be real cast chemistry/entertainment/personality/humor is like the first thing thatd enjoyable about the show fuck ill take bad runways even bad lip syncs usually a season will have one or the other or at least one good runway or lip sync bc i can trust the queens tonpull thru on that more than the producers holy shit

and yk bad lip syncs and runways to me can be so fucking funny like jigglys garbage dress, kennedys cyrstalized chicken, the i will surive lip sync in s8, the 2 messy ass lip syncs in s3 (like it had 2 of the best lip syncs in the show and 2 of the worst but the worsr were so fuckjng funnyfbfkdhd)

but yk you want better lip syncs?? actually pay attention to ur front runners styles of performance, rewards all styles of lip syncs, and pick ur song choices more off that.

also snatch game being good is quite important all stars 7 fucking DELIVEREDDDDDDDDD

i get more peeved when a cast of a season has no age and drag style variety (which theyve always delivered drag style variety and age usuall like season 14 im sorry did not deliver that 4 me enough) variety bc whats the point u did not respect where drag came from, the veterns, and ofc the new queens for the future of drag like come bring in at least one milf drag queen one milf per season IS ENOUGH FOR ME

[chateautae]

saudade | kth. (m)

saudade ; “a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something/someone that one cares for and/or loves.”

➵ summary : a demanding idol lifestyle was something taehyung and yourself were all too familiar with. it wasn’t so hard when considering your unconditional love for one another, but lately, taehyung wasn’t the same anymore; and you decide it's time to find out why.

➵ pairing : idol!taehyung x choreographer!reader

➵ genre : angst, smut, fluff (the holy trinity), idol!au, established relationship!au

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 16k

➵ warnings : sexual content, swearing, dom + sub dynamics, dom!tae, fingering, oral (f. receiving), lots of dirty talk, t e a s i n g because let’s face it this is tae, big dick!tae, cock sliding, marking, restraint (with his own hands), unprotected sex (wrap it up peeps), rough sex, mushy i miss you sex, lots of feels, tae undresses reader (it’s hot i promise), praising, name kink, slight body worshipping, slight brat-handling, forced orgasm, creampie, one spank, tiny impreg kink, aftercare

➵ a/n : wow, my first fic on tumblr!! i’m beyond excited to finally be sharing my stories and writing, hopefully i can let you escape into a whole new world and enjoy my works! comments and feedback are always appreciated <3

2:27AM. 

He still wasn't home. 

Texts on delivered, calls unanswered, radio silence on all social media. 

And it wasn’t just tonight, it was every night. 

Everyday. 

And it’s been a month. A long, grueling month.

A month where he only acknowledged your presence just once and called it a day. A month where he returned so late and left early enough the following morning you didn't see him. Somedays, he never even came home at all. You made suggestions to hang out together, and he declined them on the premise of 'too busy'. 

It hurt beyond comprehension. 

It's like he wasn't even there.

But you knew he was. 

He was the one who moved your sleeping body from the couch to your shared bed every night, a sweet gesture of his that gave you hope maybe everything wasn't so bad. Sometimes, though, you woke up on the same couch the next morning, knowing he most likely stayed the night elsewhere. 

You tried to remain indifferent to the treatment, figuring he was just stressed with his tightly-packed schedule that didn't always include you. 

But it was beginning to feel heart-breaking, disappointing, but most of all, so lonely. It was starting to feel like he was slipping away from you, like you were losing him, relationship tearing at the seams. It left you nothing but heartbroken and afraid. Afraid of where your relationship had gone, afraid of whatever happened to the never-ending love you two shared. You both harboured an array of feelings for one another that infinitely tethered you two together, kept you madly in love and nearly impossible to separate.  

So where was that now? How could it have all changed within the span of a month? 

You’ve survived comebacks with him before and he never entertained this kind of behaviour. Maybe you had a fight or two about someone cancelling on a plan or working too hard but nothing as excruciating as this. 

Your relationship began to feel empty, so meaningless. And the more he was distant, the stronger the pain grew and your love seemed to be losing its vitality.

Why would he do this? What's gotten into him? Did I do something wrong? Why doesn't he care anymore? you asked yourself repeatedly for weeks.

You’d think work was the issue, where your relationship had to be purposefully low-profile and subdued. But ever since the inception of your relationship, Taehyung never found any of that difficult. If anything, he loved it the most. You could easily leave it to the 'forbidden’ or 'looked down upon' stigma of you two dating to make everything 100x hotter, more exciting, and fuck, did you and especially Taehyung enjoy fiddling around with the concept as if you were some modern-day remake of Romeo and Juliet. 

The sneaking around, the thrill of moments only you two shared, the promises you kept, the secret kissing or displays of affection, your romantic status like classified information some were only privy to. 

But you didn't have to worry about suddenly losing your 'Romeo', though, because Taehyung wasn't as stupid as he was (no offence, Shakespeare). 

Taehyung remained business-like whenever he needed to be and tended to his work accordingly. He was always cautious of the consequences your relationship warranted, and worked hard to prove your love was worth it despite his chaotic life and the challenges everyone warned you of. 

Taehyung has also always been mischievous, a little rebellious, someone who doesn't always like following whatever he's told; so this relationship was just his cup of tea, making it hard to believe he would grow tired of it considering his well-precedented admiration. 

But now, you weren’t so sure. 

Now he seemed practically devoid of the fact that you two were even dating. He didn’t naturally gravitate towards you anymore like before, instead increasingly gravitating away from you. He didn't linger around to catch a moment with you anymore, didn't come looking for you, didn't spark conversation whether it was important or not, even stopped looking at you as a whole. It seemed like being in your presence was something he avoided rather than just didn't do, like he wanted to fill his time elsewhere and sometimes… you swore it felt intentional. 

As if he didn't want to be around you. 

You sought communicating with him about everything, pinning all the blame on his mountain-high stress and how busy he was thinking you could help ease his mind; but he stayed firm on the notion he was just fine. You obviously knew something was up and wanted to confront him, but you feared pestering or nagging him, never wishing to add to his stress.

And you get that, you really do. He has this demanding, grandiose life that you should understand is incredibly stressful and time-consuming. But you're going to be honest... you fucking missed Kim Taehyung. A lot. 

Granted, you saw him at work, even more so now with a comeback dawning on the group, but it wasn’t the same. 

You missed being home with him. You missed the way his big arms cuddled you when you watched a movie together, you missed 'attempting' to cook dinner with him, you missed your snuggly mornings where he wouldn’t let you go until he laid at least a hundred kisses on you. You missed him tickling you when you least expected it, randomly playing any track of jazz or slow music, swaying you until he made you giggle and you missed him never forgetting to kiss your forehead whenever he parted from you, even if he had to be discreet where work was concerned. 

The cute, couply things you missed, sure. But the one thing that consistently clouded your mind and bothered you nearly every second of everyday... 

Sex. 

That active as hell sex life you two had, you missed every damn detail about it and your body desperately yearned for its revival.

After a month's dryspell, you craved Taehyung so badly it wasn’t funny anymore. From all the times he eyed you suggestively, to the way his large, touchy hands ended up all over you, to the way he eventually laid you down, lost himself in his torturous but pleasurable teasing, maybe even tying you up or handcuffing you in the process, getting you dripping wet before he eventually fucked you just right simply out of his own desire.

Nope. 

You can't do this, it only made you hornier than you already were and fuck, did anything you try on yourself not work at all. You were feeling greedy. Going from doing it nearly three times a week during quarantine lockdown with him to suddenly having gone a month sex-free left you losing your mind. 

There used to be so much fire, so much love, so much passion between you two. It was intoxicating, so ardent that you could feel yourselves aching for each other in your bones.  But now, all of that felt either non-existent or buried so deep underground you couldn't feel much of anything. And of course, the absence of sex and the cute stuff collectively sucked, sure. But what scared you the most were your own thoughts. 

What if he's finally tired of you? What if he wants to focus on his career? What if he's found someone new, someone that isn’t staff, someone much easier and less burdensome than you..

You stopped. 

A dark web of assumptions swarmed your head, all seeming completely plausible and welcoming a dull, daunting sadness to loom over you. Your chest constricted at the thought of your fickle importance to him, wincing at the possibility it could be true. You sat in silence in your lonely home, leaving you to ponder when the apartment began to feel so forlorn in the first place.

The photographs he took framed the walls, the old albums he owned littered your shelves and even one of the many jackets he owned was currently sprawled across your couch. You noticed the way his presence was so deeply rooted in the home, yet he felt as distant as ever. 

You settled in on your couch, cradling his jacket at the thought of how much longer this would continue, forcing yourself to sleep in hopes of ridding the feeling of emptiness from your chest.

But you couldn't.

Your mind drowned struggling to sleep, giving up on shut-eye as a whole until eventually you began swimming, swimming through your emotions and one particular thought stood out to you; this wasn't fucking fair. 

It just wasn't, none of this was. You can't let him continue this, can't remain on the fence about doing something and you certainly cannot just let this go. It was your duty as one of the active partners in this relationship to fight for its life, so that's exactly what you were going to do—with one conclusion you were convinced would work. 

You should give him a taste of his own medicine. 

You decided to be upset, ignore him and see how he reacts. Respond with the same curt responses, not give him the time of day, 'naturally' gravitate away from him. Hell, you could start tomorrow by waking up earlier than him and seeing how he responds to your empty side of bed for once. 

That's if he even comes home tonight. 

This seemed like the only sure-fire method of gaining his attention. Maybe if you acted unreasonably, far from how you usually do he would finally pay you any mind, have to approach and confront you. You’d always let him off the hook on the account of him being an idol, but now he’s taken it too far. 

Your mind grew hazy somewhere in between thinking and shuffling on the couch, only the sight of a vacant apartment and the scent of his cologne lulling you to sleep. 

You groaned as your eyes fluttered open, the reality of last night resurfacing as you remembered the impromptu plan for today, cursing how early you had to wake up to avoid him. 

You lazily rubbed at your eyes as they landed on the clock on your bedside table, suddenly registering you were in a different room altogether. It was then you felt the softness of your pillow, the silk of your sheets, the familiarity of your room's walls coming into view—all of it blissful until you froze at the feeling of weight around your waist, a quick glance confirming it was an arm. It was then you felt your neck being fanned by hot breaths, your back flush against someone's bare chest and you felt your heart speed up. 

Is he...?

Thinking you're getting ahead of yourself, you're proven just right when you turn around to a face you knew all too well. 

Taehyung's soft figure rose and fell as he slept soundlessly next to you. 

You instantly softened, in a bit of shock because he was right there, angelic as ever as he breathed calmly and cuddled your smaller figure into him.

He still held you to fall asleep, huh?

A smile found your face at the thought as you admired the details of his; thick, pretty lashes pressed against the skin underneath his eyes, his large, veiny hand tucked under his cheek as the other draped you, his pink, pillowy lips sealed together in an adorable pout. You shifted onto your side and nuzzled closer into him, listening to his rhythmic breathing and watching his broad chest rise and fall. You melted into his presence, soaking in all the glory that was Kim Taehyung. 

You then remembered he was always here, he did give you his personal time; you just didn't see him. You knew he moved you at night, tucked you in, maybe kissed you goodnight. Maybe he had moments where he felt terrible for being away, whispered sweet apologies and promises into your ear.

But then again, you wouldn’t know, you didn't spend enough time together for you to know. 

A sudden movement of his arm and that eerie thought snapped you back into reality, instantly scolding yourself for getting distracted by him. You had to focus on how you felt, hone in your emotions and refrain from doting on your precious boyfriend. 

You wouldn't be able to ignore him later if you didn't start now.

You were forced to leave his warmth, having to ready yourself for today's rehearsals and resolving numerous things for however long this would continue; you needed Taehyung to feel what you've been feeling all this time, needed him to feel the absence of your presence just as you had felt his. 

And you'll be damned if you were going to be easy about it. 

A couple hours had passed as you stretched, yawning after revising a rehearsal video, the murmurs of staff keeping you awake. Stretching for what felt like the millionth time, you slightly jumped at the sound of the studio doors opening just before the scheduled time. You watched it mindfully, your heart speeding up at the thought of suddenly seeing Taehyung so soon. 

Don’t let it be him first, don’t let it be him first, don’t let it be him first. 

You calmed down once your eyes set on 5 of the members ambling in, watching them greet people until you eventually spotted Jimin and Taehyung trailing behind, thankfully too occupied with giggling to see you. 

You rejoiced in the lack of eye contact until you decided to sneak a peek at Taehyung, mortified when you found his eyes suddenly locking with yours. The shock made you turn away instantly, swallowing what felt like your heart down your throat. 

Your ears were welcomed to the boys making conversation, playfully teasing the 95's for apparently being late and in the midst you managed to shyly greet everyone... except Taehyung.  

And this didn't go unnoticed by him, who already felt worried since he woke up to your cold, unoccupied side of the bed this morning. Taehyung instantly found it off-putting, since he usually knew your schedule and left him wondering what reason you had to disappear without informing him. 

Curiosity flooded him as the thought continued to bug him, what did she have to do so early in the morning? His inquiries turned into actions when he began passing through the boys, immediately stepping towards you. 

"Morning, Y/N. Everything alright?" Taehyung innocently reached for your shoulder once he settled beside you. You almost let him do it, making you reminiscent of when he actually gave a shit about you, but you remembered your little scheme and swiftly pulled away.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Taehyung immediately froze up, disbelief riddling his handsome features. You've never once rejected his touch so blatantly. 

You would never do that, he thought.

Taehyung paused his hand at the point he would have touched you, tugging at his bottom lip uncomfortably before rubbing the back of his neck. You internally winced at the hurt you could see on his face through the studio mirrors, forcing yourself to stand your ground as he feebly spoke again.

"You don't seem fine. Why did you wake up so early this morning? You didn't tell me about it..." He scratched his neck awkwardly, a hint of a pout in his tone.

"I don't know, I just couldn't sleep. I don't need to tell you my every move, Taehyung." You responded curtly.

"I know..but you could've told me, Jagiya. We could've spent the morning together in the apartment if you were up so early." Taehyung looked at you in protest, lowering his voice so others couldn't hear. 

The use of your pet name after a long time instantly ticked you off, even more so his proposal, he could say all that cute shit but couldn't act upon it? 

Irritation nestled its way under your skin, causing you to whisper dryly, “Just get to stretching, Taehyung, we have a lot to go over today.”

His jaw clenched as he swallowed, a troubled expression painting his face. He managed a small 'okay' before he unwillingly stepped away.

Taehyung was beyond confused; something was wrong, seriously wrong. It wasn't just your harsh tone or icy aura, but even in the way you addressed him so plainly as Taehyung. 

He didn't understand, he's seen you mad or annoyed before, but nothing along these lines and he couldn’t piece together the reason for your attitude. It seemed like nothing would ameliorate your mood either, leaving Taehyung cursing whatever evil thing was making you so upset. 

Despite experiencing that bitter demeanour, however, Taehyung was forced to watch you act friendly with everyone else during practice.. except him. 

And what was even worse, he watched you do so for the rest of the week. You had gone a whole week with your (what he found to be) ridiculous behaviour, everything about you so different with him he was left consumed with frustration. 

He watched as you continued to treat everyone else the same, getting a little too close to them than he liked. It was something he noticed in the weeks previous to this, but now silently pissed him off even more because this time you decided to purposefully exclude him; and he hated it. You barely spoke or tended to him over the course of the week, Taehyung's envy blooming in his chest at the way you acted so close to everyone yet treated him, your boyfriend, like a stranger. 

He didn't understand why he was the only one, you talked to Jimin about what he did on his days off, pretended to box with Jungkook, danced around with Yoongi and Hoseok and goofed around with Jin and Namjoon. Hell, he even found you socializing with other staff and dancers more than usual. 

Taehyung couldn't fucking stand it, what in the world was wrong with you? Not only did he figure something was clearly wrong, but that he clearly did something wrong. 

He was beyond confused, annoyed, but more so worried as to what was fuelling your actions. Taehyung didn't know what he did, and he couldn't manage not knowing anymore, most of all despising the feeling that he was suddenly losing you. 

He quickly resolved after a gruesome week he wasn't letting you go after rehearsals tonight, giving a fat fuck you to his evening plans and trading them in for confronting you. 

Your eyes stung from a week’s worth of waking up at the ass crack of dawn to avoid Taehyung, rubbing your eyes as you slung your purse over your shoulder to end another day at the studio. Thinking you were alone, you swiveled around to an empty room and surprisingly spotted Taehyung.

You jumped a little, not expecting him to still be here when you knew he had dinner plans tonight. 

Did he cancel them? 

Suddenly realizing this is the first time in over a month you’ve been in a room with him, alone, and especially after the week you've spent purposefully dodging him, anxiety flooded your chest. 

Your eyes flittered around, nibbling on your lip awkwardly as you pretended he wasn't there. You eventually met his eyes and he returned your hesitant gaze with an intense one, nearly peering into your very soul. He remained unbothered with his hands tucked into his pockets, and now that you were finally viewing him, couldn't help but swoon over his look for the day. 

He really chose to wear that damn grey hoodie with matching grey sweatpants that makes you weak, hair styled in the messy curls he's been sporting ever since his perm and wearing that one silver hoop earring you found incredibly hot. 

He looked like a fluffy puppy but also a full-course meal crafted by God himself. 

This isn't fucking fair at all. 

He noticed you staring at him and his head cocked to the side, studying you with a hint of a smirk. He raised an eyebrow tauntingly, like he wouldn't let you go after trapping you in what felt like shackles around your ankles. You could only swallow dryly, averting your eyes and reminding yourself you had to get out of his trance

His power over you was immense, especially when he flipped his curly fringe from his eyes, examining you with such a fiere, unreadable expression you shifted nervously on your feet. 

How is he so dominant when he's standing a whole 15 fucking feet away from you?

You watched a self-satisfying grin play onto Taehyung’s lips, loving the way you squirmed under his undivided attention until he suddenly began stepping in your direction, sheer panic overtaking you. You weren't ready, you didn't really think of the result of this plan and now that it's worked, you knew you were in trouble. 

Taehyung is unpredictable as hell, you never knew what was running through his mind and which idea he’d pick to entertain. You malfunctioned at the thought and your flight response kicked in, making you step towards the door at light speed. 

"I..uh.. I have to go." You stuttered and purposely ducked around him. You felt relieved once you passed his deep stare, until you felt his slender fingers suddenly grapple onto your wrist. 

Shit. 

"You're not going anywhere." His low voice reverberated in the room, sending currents through your body. You refused to look at him, knowing it would make you squeal, but you stabilized your voice to speak. 

"I..", you swallowed, "don't think it's your place to say." 

You felt his hold on your wrist tighten, knowing that pissed him off. 

A small moment of silence passed and you thought he'd given up, relaxing until he suddenly yanked you towards him, your smaller figure crashing into his chest. He held you against his tall body as his eyes locked with your timid ones, forcing the confrontation of your obvious issue with him. 

You took a stubborn step back instead of giving in, arms crossed. Taehyung had enough of you evading his look and gently lifted your chin with his index finger.

"My place? It's been a fucking week and you haven't even looked at me, Y/N. What is your problem?" He emphasized with annoyance, but his soft eyes gave away he was just desperate for an answer. 

"Nothing's wrong, Taehyung, I'm just tired."

"Oh really? Tired? Y/N, don't think I didn't notice you ignore me for an entire week. I thought something was wrong in general but clearly you have a problem with me and only me. What's your deal?" He vented in frustration, tone utterly displeased.

You only scoffed disbelievingly, looking towards the ground in search of something to hold back your piled-high emotions. 

Taehyung grew tired of your silence and sighed with dejection. He cupped your cheeks and looked at you seriously, "Look at me, bubs, what's so wrong? Did I do something?" the newfound frailty in his voice left you sucking in a breath of guilt. 

You really wanted to voice how you felt, teetering on the possibility until you suddenly became aware you'd be requesting demands from one of the busiest people on Earth.

 Your tongue habitually tied itself. 

"It's just.. It's not important, Taehyung. Let me go." You abruptly turned out of his hold, locking your jaw tightly. 

"Why in God's name would I let you go? Something's wrong, Jagiya, and that's always going to be important to me." Taehyung squeezed your arms affectionately, suddenly warming you to him. 

You could instantly feel your emotions conflicting inside, flooding your chest with regret yet frustration so heavy you needed air. Your eyes were beginning to reveal your vulnerability, trying to blink away threatening tears. 

"Taehyung, just let me go, it's absolutely nothing." Your voice sounded shakily unconvincing and yet, you were tugging yourself away as if he would believe you. 

"It's not nothing, I can clearly see something wrong. Why won't you just tell me?" 

"Because I don't want to tell you, Taehyung. It's really just nothing." 

"You keep saying it's nothing but I can see it in your eyes, you're upset, Jagiya. I know you." Taehyung spoke matter-of-factly, his grip and tone growing desperate.

"I'm not upset, I'm just exhausted." 

"Exhuasted..” Taehyung trailed, licking his lips. “Of course, because now you're waking up earlier than you usually do in the morning and on top of that without even fucking telling me why." His tone grew irritated as he scoffed, looking away from you.

You instantly grew annoyed. 

"And I told you I don't need to tell you my every move, Kim. Why are you even so pissed about it?” 

"Did you just.. family name me?" Taehyung narrowed his eyes

"So what if I did?" You deadpanned. 

Taehyung let out a deep sigh. 

"I’m pissed cause I got worried, okay? Not everyone has a situation like ours where anyone could do shit to you because of me, so I like knowing where you are." Taehyung stressed with a serious tone. "And listen, I’m not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong. I'm fucking serious, Jagi, you did not just ignore me all week only to tell me nothing's wrong." 

"And I'm not gonna say anything. I'm fucking serious, Taehyung." You mimicked him, hoping he'd let you go. 

Taehyung dragged his tongue along the inside of his cheek and chuckled dryly, your impossibility unbelievable to him. He pursed his lips before slowly releasing you, his hands up in mock surrender. 

"Fine, you can leave then." 

You took his words without a second thought and immediately turned for the door. You had just cracked it open before Taehyung’s hand suddenly smacked it shut from behind, making you turn around startled. 

He abruptly pinned you against the door with the weight of his body, locking you in with both arms. He leveled himself to your height and peered directly into your eyes.

"And I told you, I'm not letting you go, Ms. Y/L/N." Taehyung now mimicked you as you felt him dominate you with a degree of alpha-male that left you entranced and unable to move. He drew himself closer to your face, so close that he granted no room for you to breathe. You could only stand in defeat, your doe eyes wide as you flashed them to his lips and back to his eyes. 

Taehyung couldn't resist how much he wanted you anymore.

"I always forget how challenging you can be." He spoke in his deepest, sultriest tone, that damn bass paired with his dancing eyes causing you to bite your lip. 

Taehyung watched you do so and grew hot, finding you irresistible when you were acting impossible yet became putty in his hands. You balled your hands into fists against his chest as he dangerously inched towards your neck, his proximity shooting arousal through your blood. 

His scent was intoxicating, resurfacing the numerous thoughts you had of him in his absence. He manifested butterflies in your chest,  knowing you had to resist him yet found yourself giving in.

He finally ducked into your neck, anticipating the connection of his lips until he only ghosted your skin. He breathed against you purposefully to elicit a reaction, gifted his desire when he felt your body lean into him and breath hitch. 

You hated that you wanted him to kiss you already. You craved him so desperately, so in need of his touch that just the feeling of his body pushing you against the door was enough to make you press your thighs together. 

And little did you know, a month and a week without you left Taehyung dying to devour you. 

As if noticing you getting impatient, he pulled you towards him by your waist and his lips finally crashed onto your neck, a silent groan escaping you as his plush lips began mouthing sensually. You let out a breathy moan but gathered the courage to speak up, knowing full well the high creeping up on you and you needed to get back at him.

"Maybe if you were home more often you'd remember." 

A small laugh escaped Taehyung, "So that's what this is about?" The sudden puff of his breath made you want to jump him. He deliberately pushed his hips into yours, shooting jolts throughout your core once you felt the familiar prodding of something hard. He began sliding one of his hands up and down your waist, almost in an effort to distract you. 

"Of course it is, Tae. You're never fucking home." You spoke with vexation, growing both sexually and emotionally frustrated over the way he was pressing you up against the door and inviting a stirring feeling to constrict your insides. He brought his thigh in between your legs, slightly grinding against you as he added pressure to your heat and sucked your sweet spot.

"I'm never fucking home, huh? Who do you think moves you from the couch to our bed? Makes sure you're comfortable and tucks you in? Kisses you goodnight?" He asked rhetorically, letting his teeth bite at your supple flesh and embellish you with his favourite purple marks.

"T-that's not the point, Taehyung. I'm not awake. H-how does that count as you being home?" You retaliated as best you could, snaking your hands to grab the nape of his neck, fingers trailing into the curly ends of his hair. He groaned so audibly that you grew shamelessly hornier.

"Because I do come home. I sleep next to you in our bed, even cuddle you." He began sucking underneath your jaw, wrapping his arm around your torso to press you flush against him. He kissed down your throat trying to bite and leave more hickies, pushing you back for support.

"I-I just told you, that doesn't count, Tae. You... come home when I'm asleep and leave before I wake up. I-I never see you." You tried to maintain your composure, hands hugging his head close to you. 

"But we already see each other here, don't we? You see me at practice, meetings, in the building... no?" He suddenly came off your neck and his hand flanked to your chin, advancing for a kiss. But immediate annoyance flooded you upon registering his words, pulling your face back. 

"Are you kidding me? You count that as seeing each other? All we do is rehearse choreography and work together. How is that 'seeing' each other?" You asked, baffled at his audacity. 

"Because we're at least together, aren't we? Isn't that all that matters?" Taehyung looked at you as if you were the ridiculous one, ignoring your concerns and trying to kiss you again. You immediately removed yourself from him and pushed him back, his hands letting you go.

"That's not the issue, Tae. The issue is that you're really busy and I get that, but we literally haven't done anything together in the last month. And the reason that sounds insane to me is because we work and live together, you'd expect that somewhere in that time we would’ve done something... but we haven't." You emphasized as you pled your case. 

"Princess, we've been over this. I told you at the beginning of our comeback that our time together was gonna be limited. I remember you agreeing to that and understanding. Why is this coming up now?" 

"So going an entire month neglecting your ‘princess' is what you meant? Your 'limited' seems more like 'nothing at all'.” You air quoted and crossed your arms, becoming annoyed with his ambiguity and sudden use of another pet name. 

"Okay, that's not what I'm saying. All I'm saying is that comeback season is busy, it's one thing after another and I can't always keep up with everything. There’s a lot going on; our album, company business, don’t get me started on the mountain of work with promotions, concerts, filming and photoshoots. I'm even making an entire fucking mixtape. I’m trying my damn best here." Taehyung vouched for himself, holding his hands up to defend against your accusations.

"And I'm not saying you don't try, I understand that you're busy but what I’m saying is I don't even feel important to you anymore, let alone a priority. We barely interact, you never do anything with me or talk to me, but for everyone else you’ve got all the effort in the world to spare. I get that you're an idol, I always see you working hard and I'm proud of that. But you somehow make time for everything else.. why can't you just make some time for me?" You felt like you sounded selfish, almost faltering from revealing anymore but you felt so neglected it had to be said. 

"Wh-what about you? Oh my God, Jagiya.. you're such a high priority to me. Trust me, you really don’t know what I'd do for us and you should know I’d damn well do or sacrifice anything. It may seem like I'm not right now but I promise it's not like that. You'll always be important to me, how could you think otherwise?" Taehyung was perplexed by your sudden outburst, never having known of these feelings before. He reached his hands out to you but you abruptly denied him, snapping at the question.

“Then what’s it ‘like’, exactly? Because it seems very much to me like you want nothing to do with our relationship.” 

“No, that’s-that’s not it at all. Don’t worry about this, okay bubs? Overthinking this won’t do you any good, just trust me.” 

“Trust you? You're not even answering my damn question, Taehyung, what is it then? Why aren’t you telling me? Are you fucking hiding something?” You began speculating, his repeated vagueness irking you.

“Jagi, no, just listen to me. Know that I mean it when I say you’re important to me, you’re the love of my life and you'll always be a priority. Why are you thinking like this? Where is all this coming from?” Taehyung asked incredulously, getting on your very last nerve. 

"I don't fucking know, Taehyung, maybe because you ignore me for hours on end? Maybe because you leave me every morning without considering just waking up together? I know we can't make it obvious we live together, but we’ve always found a way before, what happened to that? Your texts and phone calls are so meaningless. You make time for your friends and other people but don't make any for me." Your eyes turned glassy, tears escaping as you recalled your terrible feelings over the last month. 

"Do you know why you find me sleeping on the couch every night no matter how fucking uncomfortable it is? Because our bed literally smells like you and it constantly reminds me of you but you’re not even there. Do you know how many times I've wanted to talk to you but you're too distracted and I know you'd just push me away? Or how scared I am of bothering you? How many times I've wanted you to come home? How utterly empty and lonely the apartment feels without you even though everything about you is riddled all over it? You don't get it, Taehyung. You just don't fucking get it." You found yourself crying and clutched your chest where it felt like your heart was on display for Taehyung, the reality of everything hitting you like a 16-wheeler. 

Taehyung did nothing but blink at you for several seconds, shocked at what he just heard. Were you seriously.. that upset? His absence was that prominent? It didn't even feel like a month to him, but it seems to you it felt like an eternity. 

Taehyung unfortunately only knew his packed schedule and making sure he didn’t fall asleep where he shouldn't. A multitude of things ran through his mind on a daily basis with his chaotic life; discussing outfits with his stylist, trying to purchase that new serum his makeup artist always reminds him of, meeting with a producer to review freshly composed songs for his mixtape or finally going out for that one drink he always promised a friend or two—and he suddenly hated it all. 

He especially began to loathe his demanding life when he saw the hurt on your face; the way your eyes glistened with pain, the loneliness in your voice, the way you tried physically holding yourself together. He couldn't fathom he was the cause of such pain, wincing at how utterly stupid he was for not noticing this earlier.

I really did do something to her.

He searched for anything to say, beginning to form words but quickly stopping himself from starting a sentence each time. He only examined your crumbling state and regretted not having talked to you sooner, but suddenly wishing you informed him about your feelings preemptively.

"I.. I thought you would've said something, Y/N, but you didn't. How am I supposed to know you feel this way if you don't tell me? You-you seemed okay to me." He inquired softly, tone riddled with guilt, but his words only made a disdainful scoff leave your lips. 

"Told you? Taehyung, you have always made it clear that you're a busy person and I've always respected that. You also made clear the importance of this comeback and that I just had to understand how limited our time together would be. Of course I had to act okay. How could you expect me to come and beg you for your attention after you tell me not to seek it?"

Taehyung was taken aback, falling silent. You watched him angrily, finding it unbelievable he really had nothing to say for such a crucial argument. 

"I was fucking embarrassed, Taehyung. I thought you'd get mad at me for hovering around you while you were busy and stressed. I didn't want to fucking suffocate you." 

"What? Jagi, no, this is important. I wouldn't have reacted like that at all. If you were hurting this much you could've told me and I would've done something. You can always talk to me, how could you not know that?" Taehyung inquired with a hint of accusation and it was like every cell in your body had set off.

"Oh fuck you, Kim Taehyung. Don't give me that bullshit! Of course I know, but I also know that you just get caught up in your own world and your extravagant idol life and I don't wanna fucking bother you when you’re living it without me!" 

"Y/N, don't. I'm not trying to pick a fight with you, can you watch your tone a little?" Taehyung asked with a frustrated timbre.

"You know what? I won't, Taehyung, let's fight. Only way to get your attention, isn't it?" Your feelings had reached its peak as you decided to egg him on.

"Don't do this, Y/N. I'm trying to have a civilized conversation." 

"And I don't want a civilized conversation, it's only making you ask me stupid questions." 

"They're not stupid questions. Can you not understand my side of this?" 

"Nope, I won't because I don't care about your side, actually." 

"The fuck? And you just expect me to understand your side when you won't even try to understand mine? I’m expected to know how you feel? Well news flash, Y/N, I can't exactly read minds.” He humorlessly tapped his head for effect, quipping at you harshly.

"I'm not asking you to read my mind, I'm just asking you to fucking pay attention for once in your goddamn life." You rolled your eyes dramatically, arms crossed tight as ever. 

Taehyung noticeably grew angry at the remark, his eyes narrowing in irritation. "Do not tell me of all people I don't pay attention. You know I've changed over the years but how attentive I am hasn't. Don't ever say that to me again." Taehyung's stern voice warned you of the line you were crossing.

You immediately softened and turned your attitude down a notch, only by a margin since you knew he would never grow angry enough to do anything to you.

"Fine, you pay attention, but clearly not enough." You acquiesced, looking away from him. 

Taehyung tried his best to reason now that he sensed you yielding. "Look, this is my first time hearing about this, okay? I had no clue, especially because you seemed and acted fine with me. Of course I'm going to tell you you should've just talked to me, I'm seriously not asking stupid questions." 

"Well, I didn't want to talk to you." 

"And how was that going to help you? It's only making us argue over something so easily fixable." He indirectly accused you and you returned your eyes to his, narrowing them at his audacity. 

"Wow, easily fixable, huh? Do you really think it takes that little to earn my forgiveness after neglecting me for an entire month? Am I that easy to you?" You smiled to yourself miserably, turning away as tears spilled from you. 

Your assumptions were correct, he really just thought of you as some easy pushover. Part of this was your fault, wasn't it? Being so quiet and passive about everything. You voluntarily let him get away with everything, let him slip away without a fight, and the frustration of that realization came washing down on you, hard. 

"No, wait. That's not what I meant. I just meant that if you'd let me known earlier, we wouldn't be fighting like this." Taehyung instantly softened at your tears with regret, internally facepalming himself.

"I didn't want to openly tell you, okay? It makes me seem...like an attention-seeker, and I was so afraid of bothering you." You wore your heart on your sleeve as your voice wavered, more tears escaping as you attempted to blink them away. 

Taehyung looked at you with overwhelming worry. His heart was beyond broken now, his desire to fix everything growing stronger with every tear that dared escape your eyes. 

He needed to make this right, fast.

"It doesn't make you a fucking attention-seeker, Y/N. Stop being so worried about how you appear to me, I'm with you for a reason. I accept you in any way, especially after how much we fought for this, for us. Your feelings too, they're all fucking valid to me. I really would've done something if you’d just told me how you felt." Taehyung practically pleaded, his pouty lips and devastated eyes making it clear he just wanted to reach some sort of consensus with you. 

"But that's the problem, Tae." You sniffled, wiping some tears. "You keep saying I should’ve told you, when you should've noticed on your own in the first place." 

Taehyung felt like someone had slapped him across the face, his lips parting as a deep look of realization dawned on his gorgeous face. "I…" He trailed, but couldn't let words out. He was realizing how stupid he was, how unobservant and ignorant. He hated it all, hated that he was so busy, hated that he didn't pay enough attention and hated that he hurt you. 

You gave up when his lack of words warranted a tense silence between you two, cut short when you hastily left the room. You walked in the direction of the parking lot angrily. You just needed some air, needed to go home and cleanse yourself of him for the time being. 

You thought you were being quick enough, until you heard laboured footsteps and Taehyung's low voice echoing in the hallway, tailing you. 

"Y/N! Wait, wait! Please, don’t walk away!" Taehyung practically begged as he rushed to your side.

"I'm not gonna wait for anything, I'm going home!" 

"Stop! My manager's gonna take us home tonight, okay? We're gonna talk about this." He stated with solidarity as he grabbed your arm, eager to patch things up.

"No we're not, and I have my own car, I'm getting myself home." You snatched your arm from him and marched on.

"You can leave it here for fuck's sake, and I said stop. We're going home together and sorting this out because I can't leave you like this, okay? We need to fix this."

"Awh, all I'm getting from that is you'll finally be home for once!" You chirped sarcastically, never looking at him as you practically stomped away. You saw him falter from your side, knowing he had to have paused at the heft of your comment. 

You both eventually made it through the building’s doors, you needing to be pretty much dragged into his manager’s car despite your vehement protest, stupidly shut into the back with him.

You were turned away putting on an Oscar’s worthy performance of pretending he wasn’t there, and Taehyung was left to canvas his numerous thoughts as the car drove. 

He realized he had said nothing to your comment earlier because.. you were right. 

When was the last time he sat in a car with you like this? The last time you were both home together? The last time you both lazily threw your things onto the floor once you arrived home and immediately smothered each other after holding back all day? The last time he held you in his arms while you two watched a trashy movie? 

Holy fuck, when was the last time we had sex? Made love? 

He could only think of memories from weeks ago in quarantine, nothing recent. His solemn gaze fell upon you as he thought. He could feel the prominent tension between you two, the gut-wrenching distance, leaving a black hole swallowing his heart. He felt no ease, no affection, no love. 

When did it fucking become like this? 

He was still struggling to stomach the fact that he hurt you. He watched you regretfully, tears pricking at his eyes as he saw you attempting to hold back your own. 

He then felt the sudden need to hold you, to comfort you. You had been pulling away from him for so long that he wanted nothing but to feel his large, warm hand cradle your smaller, colder one. Reassure you that while he's stupid, he's still here. 

Taehyung looked at you and leaned over, deciding to gently slide a reaffirming hand atop yours, gripping your fingers with all the love and warmth he could muster. 

He expected you to reject him, nearly giving up on a reaction until he felt your tentative hand just barely grab his back. Surprised, he took a relaxed breath. 

I'm going to fix this.

Taehyung shut the door as you two sauntered into your apartment and you disregarded your things, heading straight for your room. You thought it would make Taehyung leave you alone, but he caught your hand as you began stepping away. He didn’t yank you; simply held your wrist, still and remorseful with your back to him. 

A long pause passed as he stood in place, silence piercing the air until you spoke coldly, "What do you want?"

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could manage, his once powerful voice so incredibly small. 

You searched for a response, the air becoming somewhat suffocating as you sighed. “I know.” 

“No, you don’t. Jagiya, I mean it. I mean it with everything I have. I'm so sorry” Taehyung insisted with meaning, like he was seconds away from falling apart if you didn't believe him. 

You could hear the sincerity in his words and you could feel how heartbroken he was, but your exhaustion amassed with all the emotions that had been attacking you all week were discouraging you from participating in any conversation right now. 

“You may mean it, but that’s not fixing anything, Taehyung. You really don’t know how it felt to have you ignore me. To see you unaffected by our time apart. It felt like you were pushing me away, like I wasn’t worth your fucking time anymore.” 

“That’s wrong, Jagiya. You are always worth my time.” 

“Then maybe you’re just a contradictive jerk, Taehyung, I don’t know!” You threw your hands up as you broke his hold, turning around vexed. 

"Because one day you're telling me to basically fuck off because you're too busy but the next you're saying I'm worth all your time? Where the fuck was that the last month then? All you had to do was spare me a couple hours a week, just a couple. I wasn't even asking for much, you could've made the time!"

“I'm sorry, okay! I’m a jerk, I get it, but I had a reason! I have a fucking reason but right now I want to apologize and say I'm sorry. I’m sorry I made you feel like that, I’m sorry I neglected you and made you feel alone, I never intended that!” Taehyung sincerely implored, eyes worried and persistent as he reached for you. 

“Then what did you intend? Saying sorry after the fact does nothing. If you didn’t intend to hurt me then what did you intend to do?!”  You shouted, evading his touch again. 

“I was doing it for you! The reason was all for you, for us!”

You couldn’t help but laugh as anger seeped into your blood, unbelieving of whatever excuses you thought he was making up. 

“For me? Us? Really? Wow, did you suddenly quit your job as an idol to become comedian of the fucking year?” You quipped venomously. "How the fuck is you ignoring me for a month 'for our relationship'?" 

Taehyung was trying hard to calm himself down, thinking twice about how he was going to handle this. "Y/N, please, just try to trust me on this." 

You scoffed disbelievingly, shaking your head as you quickly made your way further into the apartment and over to your TV. Taehyung's eyebrows furrowed as he watched you reach towards the shelf underneath it. It was adorned with cherished photos of the people you both held most dear; family, friends, the boys. Most of them consisted of Taehyung entertaining his love for photography, having snapped stunning photos of scenery, people or a combination of both he adored enough to frame. 

But many were of you two, either in front of gorgeous landscapes or adorable candids. You picked up a photograph of you two in Daegu—Taehyung's big arms enveloping yours from behind as you hooked onto them, all smiles in front of his family's strawberry farm after his camera’s timer snapped the photo.

“See this? This is something you did for us, you told me you only take and frame photos of the most beautiful moments in your life, and you gave this to me telling me it was your favourite moment.” You placed the frame down, opting to grab the gray Sherpa blanket off the couch in front of you. 

“This? You got this for me after I was diagnosed with anemia during Christmas and had been shivering for months. You told me not to worry because you’d always keep me warm and whenever you weren’t there I could use this blanket instead, think of it as you. You did that for me.” You disregarded the blanket and held up your wrist. 

“This bracelet? You got it for our anniversary and made it our equivalent of promise rings because you know I hate rings. You even made sure your bracelet matched in a way that other people wouldn't notice and was only special to us." You watched as Taehyung slightly lifted his left hand to look at the mentioned bracelet. "You did that for me, for us.” Tears were brimming your eyes as you spoke, voice growing shaky.

“Taehyung, you did all those sweet and thoughtful things for us, for me. Those are the kinds of things you should be doing, not fucking hurting me by acting like I don't matter to you, making me question everything. What’s wrong with you? How could you scare me like that? Treat me like I’m nothing and say it’s for our relationship?”

“You're not, you're not nothing." Taehyung's voice caught in his throat, trying hard to dry his glassy eyes.

"I get it, Y/N. I fucking get it, what I’m doing right now may not seem as sweet as all those other things, but I promise it’s as thoughtful, it's still all for you. I’m serious when I say that, this is all because I love you. Why can’t you just believe me?” 

"And why can’t you just say what it is? Why won't you tell me? Are you hiding something? Taehyung, what you did felt like anything but love-" 

"That’s not true. The reason is insignificant right now because I didn't mean to hurt you, I’m so fucking sorry.” Taehyung's voice shook with genuity, trying once again to approach you, gingerly, affectionately. 

Your anger couldn’t subside with the way he kept side-tracking, however, your emotions growing erratic again. "Are you kidding me? Insignificant? The reason is the most important! Just tell me, why did you ignore me for an entire fucking month?!” 

"I said it's not fucking important right now. I want to apologize first, I didn’t mean to do it!" Taehyung was desperate to reason, eyes begging you to believe him. 

“It is important! Tell me what you’re hiding.”  

“It’s not important.”

“Yes it is!”

“No it isn’t!” 

“Yes it is!” 

“No it isn’t! I'm trying to earn your forgiveness firs-Y/N, what are you.." Taehyung’s eye widened in shock.  

He couldn't finish his sentence because he watched you grab a cushion from the couch and suddenly launch it in his direction.

"What the fuck? What are you doing?!” Taehyung exclaimed as he dodged, his large hands instinctively catching the object, looking at you like a confused puppy. “Did you just throw that at me?!” 

“I did! And I'll do it again until you tell me what you’re hiding!” You challenged him like a child and started reaching for throwable things. Pens, notepads, books, even a stray plastic water bottle all went hurtling towards Taehyung. 

You couldn’t stop throwing out of frustration, his unfair gift of ambidextrous hands and incredible catching skills making you even more frustrated. 

Did he really have to be made so fucking perfect? 

He continued defending himself from your attacks until he grew annoyed, “For the love of God, Y/N, stop throwing shit! Just put everything down and listen to me, you have to trust me before I can even explain myself!” Taehyung shouted more so with concern for you, dodging a bottle of vitamins. 

Now why the fuck was that just lying around? 

You snorted condescendingly, "Again with that, trust you?" You mocked as the TV remote came into your hand. 

"You know what, Taehyung? Let me explain for you, you’ve just found someone new who's not fucking staff, haven’t you? Our relationship got too difficult and you’ve finally had enough. You’re hiding shit to save my feelings, aren’t you?” You accused him much to your dismay, angry tears pooling in your eyes.

"What-no! Fuck no I would never do or think any of that!" Taehyung vehemently denied, finally having reached you and wrestled you for the remote. He eventually pried it out of your hands, throwing it away and holding your wrists as you resisted him.

 "It’s none of that, alright? I was just so damn stressed and I had way too much work. There’s so much going on, it fucks with me and I didn't want to make you my fucking mental care, unload my idol life crap onto you. You're working just as hard and I didn't want to burden you.”  Taehyung desperately revealed trying to reach you, upset that you could even think such ridiculous, lowly things of him. 

"Don't you dare use work as an excuse. I know you were busy and stressed, but you were making time for everyone else in your life except me. Just say it, Tae. I know you're tired of us!"

"Fucking-Y/N, it's literally not that at all. I was actually busy, okay? What I said is true!" Taehyung pleaded, he knew he was only telling part of the truth, but it wasn't exactly a lie.

"It can't just be that, there's no way. What are you hiding from me? I'm serious, I'll leave this conversation if you don't, I'll leave this apartment if you don't-” 

"No! Just-alright! You really wanna know so badly?” Taehyung inquired rhetorically, his jaw locking. “Fine then. You fucking got found out.” 

You stopped fighting him and blinked, confusion riddling all your features. Taehyung sighed deeply and continued before you could say anything.  

“We got too comfortable, okay? I'm still an idol and our team heard a shit ton of rumours spreading outside the company about me dating someone. They controlled most and knew any remaining ones would just turn into baseless gossip since nobody knew your identity. I’d just get talked about which I didn't care about. But people somehow started finding your face, your name, and your information was spreading fast. Management was scared you'd be made public especially with reporters and cameras so up our asses these days and watching us. I was terrified when they told me. I couldn't let anyone know you, not when they’d do or say shit to you just because we're together… so I had to do something."

Now it was your turn to stand in shock for several seconds, utterly wide-eyed at the bullet you didn't even know Taehyung was keeping from you. 

“What-what the fuck? What do you mean? When did this happen?" 

"The same time I started 'ignoring' you. Nobody pressured me to break up with you, but I was warned to dissolve the rumours asap. I took matters into my own hands by acting the way I did to get people thinking we were either broken up or never dating in the first place. I hated doing it.. but it started working. I didn't want to tell you anything because I knew you'd just say we could solve everything together when we weren't in a position to do so." Taehyung wasn't hiding his clear anguish, upset having to recall his awful memories of the ordeal.

You were still shocked at how little you knew, finding yourself at least understanding of his actions and reasoning, but crossed your mind better ways to have dealt with this; especially ones that didn't entail hurting you.

"But Taehyung, you should've let me known. If you had just told me I wouldn't have gotten hurt like this. Why would you keep this from me?"

"I just.. I couldn't tell you. It felt like I was breaking up with you and I couldn't handle it. Even when I finally had the balls to do it I ended up prolonging because I just got so busy and pushed everything away to focus. I felt like I could deal with it on my own, fix it all by myself. I didn't want to drop this on you when you were busy too." 

You exhaled harshly, hating how unfair this entire situation was. "You could’ve told me with something like this, Taehyung. I can't just let you carry the burden all on your own, this entire problem had to do with me. We promised we wouldn’t keep shit from each other especially considering the circumstances of our relationship. Why would you break that promise?" Your eyes welled up again, inhaling painfully. 

Taehyung paused, scoffing humorlessly. "Yeah? I broke that promise? Jagi...you broke that promise too." 

You blinked again, his eyes piercing yours poignantly as you could only look back at him in defeat. 

He was right. 

He was entirely right, you hid your feelings from him and never told him anything, a clear violation of that promise on your end. But you couldn't let his wrongdoings go either, not on this; the hurt, the doubt, the thoughts he made you think. That pain was making you fall apart and the reality of it all came crashing down on you. "An apology still can’t fix this, Taehyung. I want to go to bed, we'll talk about this tomorrow.” 

You pulled away and moved towards your room until Taehyung rushed in front of you, grabbing onto your arms.

“Wait! This isn’t over, baby please, just listen to me.” 

“It is for today, Taehyung. I can't do this right now.” 

“No, I don’t want tomorrow. I want this now, I want to talk to you now.” Taehyung insisted with what seemed like his entire being. He didn't want to spend tonight like this; he didn't want you to sleep upset, and neither did he. 

“Taehyung, you’re making me repeat myself. Let me go, please. I’m exhausted.” You choked on your words, swiping your tears. 

“No, I told you I’m not fucking letting you go, especially not now.” He gripped you stubbornly, searching for your eyes.

“Taehyung, for the love of God just let me go-”

“I said no!” Taehyung's volume suddenly pierced the room, his intense aura stilling you. 

He didn't sound angry. rather in need, like he was calling out to you with his entire heart and the tight hold on your arms gave it all away. 

You finally decided to pay attention to him. His tone beyond serious, his eyes swimming with worry. His miserable face and refusal to let you go regrettably softened you. You understood him, saw the desperation and concern behind all his actions. 

But he chose to neglect you. He made you feel alone, made you overthink numerous possibilities about your relationship and even question his feelings for you.

"You.." You exhaled with agony, swallowing hard. 

None of this was easy, the nights you spent curled up on the couch overthinking, lying to everyone that you were okay, working in the studio alone to get him off your mind, blaming yourself. The accumulated pain of all those days now manifested in your chest all at once, making your heart ache. 

"You made me feel like I wasn't important to you, like I wasn't worth your time. I.. thought you found someone better, easier.. that I wasn't enough for you." Your voice crumbled by the second, your mind jumping to the one conclusion you tried to avoid the most but couldn't any longer. 

"I thought you weren't in love with me anymore." 

Taehyung's heart shattered into a million pieces, overwhelming hurt piercing his chest so violently that tears instantly betrayed his eyes. 

He couldn't bear any of this anymore, the tension, the distance, couldn't bear that you ever thought such an awful thing. Small tears escaped him as he gently placed his hands on your face, looking into your eyes with insurmountable pain before colliding his lips with yours. 

He kissed you tenderly, passionately, like his mouth was dying to express how much he'd missed you, and trying harder to prove how utterly wrong your last words were. Before you could even reject him, you found your own lips mirroring the same longing, the same need after a painful month apart.

Your eyes fluttered shut as tears stained your cheeks, the sheer love you could feel in his kiss suddenly brightening any parts inside you that had grown dark because of him. He began working against your mouth hungrily, trying to commit every inch of your lips to his memory. 

The kiss was fervent, utterly desperate, your harsh breaths mingling together as his hands on your cheeks wiped your tears away gingerly and yours clutched his hoodie tightly.

It's like he was consuming all of you, attempting to deepen the kiss with every second that passed by as he pulled you closer. And for once this past month, you didn't feel like questioning his feelings for you, because he was now serving them on a silver platter, making it blatantly obvious he had never once lost his love for you and will never do so. 

He kissed you like he wanted you and only you, he kissed you like you were fleeting and could disappear at any moment, he kissed you like you were his home, like you meant any and everything to him, like you were the only galaxy he believed in and it did nothing but set you both ablaze.

His tongue swiped your bottom lip impatiently, wanting to taste you after so long and you permitted absent-mindedly, damning every emotion except love and lust to hell, welcoming him. 

His tongue entangled with yours sloppily as you slid your hands up his sculpted neck, a soft groan escaping Taehyung's lips once you tugged his hair. 

It wasn't until Taehyung caught your bottom lip between his teeth that you felt something ignite inside you. You both panted as you disconnected, gazing at his dark eyes for a mere second before impatiently crashing your mouth onto his again. 

This time you caught him for a heated make out session, pulling his hair aimlessly as Taehyung pressed you against him with his arms snaking around your waist, both of you moving perfectly in sync with one other. The feeling of your bodies so close ignited your arousals, currents running through both your veins.

Taehyung pushed you back against the nearest wall, hard. You nearly yelped at the contact but Taehyung swallowed it with his eager kisses, getting rougher, sloppier, growing high off the feeling of you wanting more, him wanting so much more.

He brought his thigh in between you, pushing his hips against yours and you felt his hardness through his sweatpants. Your panties practically soaked at the contact, your moans devastatingly loud and hot and only making Taehyung harder. 

He brought his hands down to cup your ass momentarily as he kissed you, sliding them to the back of your thighs. You kicked yourself off the ground into his hold, legs grappling Taehyung's waist as he forced you back up against the wall. Your hands grabbed his jaw tightly, wanting all of him as your tongues moulded together. 

Taehyung felt his urges to touch you overwhelm him, utterly dying to hear you desperately say his name and moan breathlessly into his ear. He had gone too long, far too long without feeling you lose yourself to him that he needed you now. 

One of Taehyung's impatient hands moved up to fumble with the button of your jeans, disconneting to look into your eyes, his pink, swollen lips irresistible. 

"Have you been touching yourself?" He breathed hard and asked mere centimeters your mouth, forehead leaning on yours. 

"B-barely. I couldn't get myself off the same way." You exhaled harshly trying to calm down, mind woozy from the sheer adrenaline he was pumping through you. "You?" 

"Tried, but nothing felt like you." 

Taehyung returned his lips to yours breathlessly and unzipped roughly, sliding his hand inside and finding your already sopping wet heat. His fingers made contact through the soaked material and you let out a satisfied moan, throwing your head back against the wall. Taehyung chuckled proudly, pressing his lips to your exposed neck as he began lewdly rubbing your folds. 

Your walls clenched around nothing, begging for something to fill you up. You shamelessly rode against his fingers, desperate for more friction and Taehyung absolutely adored how needy you were. 

He smirked to himself as he pushed your underwear aside, his fingertips suddenly touching your bare pussy and you automatically felt sparks, gasping. 

Taehyung felt your delicious wetness and a satisfied groan left his lips. He couldn’t stop rubbing you, playing with your folds like it was a game he mastered ages ago. His digits spread you all over yourself, teasing you. He purposefully brushed over your clit multiple times and you felt nothing but fireworks, the heat between your legs growing so hot you clutched onto his shoulders to stay sane.

"Fuck.. Taehyung fuck! If you go inside.. I can't.. I'll fucking lose it." You stammered out, trying to relax but Taehyung eyed your panting figure with a smirk so evil you wished he'd just fuck you against this wall right now. 

Taehyung brought his lips to your ear and spoke lowly, the bass in his voice sending chills down your spine. 

"Then fucking lose it." 

Without warning, Taehyung shoved his two fingers inside you, a smug grin decorating his gorgeous face as he watched you nearly cry out, gripping harder into his hair and shoulder for dear life. His fingers began sliding in and out, your walls welcoming him greedily as he pumped you, milking out every beautiful sound you could make for him as he relished in them. 

Taehyung was already the hardest man on Earth, his cock painfully tucked away in his pants and aching to be inside you. You brought your forehead against his for support as he went harder, your breaths melding as you panted fucked out moans from the sheer bliss of his long fingers, just something of his dragging inside you. 

Your body moved up against the rougher thrusts of his fingers, practically fucking you open and the delectable sting certifying you’d lost it for Kim Taehyung. 

You suddenly felt your insides beginning to stir around him and you panicked, not wanting to let go just yet, just on his fingers. 

"T-Taehyung.. shit.. I can feel but- but not just on this." Your head was so gone a coherent sentence seemed impossible. Taehyung's fingers curled up inside you as he pumped a little harder, faster, making you whimper against his mouth and he used every ounce of strength he had not to swallow them with kisses, just so he could hear you. 

"Taehyung, please.." You moaned loudly and held onto him so desperately that Taehyung finally snapped, his dick throbbing to have you wrapped around him and hear his name just like that.

"Fuck this." Taehyung pulled his fingers out and carried you straight into your room.

He threw you down onto the bed hurriedly, his eyes blown out as he positioned himself above you. You breathed unevenly as you looked up at him, his body rising and falling quickly as he tried to control himself and his hungry look made you push your thighs together. 

The sight of your flushed cheeks and panting body underneath him made Taehyung's dominant side thrive. He drank you in greedily, registering this as the first time in a month he had you all to himself. 

"You don't fucking know, Y/N. All those times I had to hold back. When you walked around the studio looking sexy as hell, moving your body like pure sin, and I couldn't do a single thing to you." Taehyung's dark eyes indicated something had awakened inside him.

"What do you mean?" 

Taehyung scoffed, "You just don't get it." He mimicked you from earlier. “I was putting on a front and none of it was true. Every fucking time I saw you I wanted to lose it. Every time I saw you concentrating with that look, working, seeing your exposed skin, all the times I caught you practically eye-fucking me and I wanted to eye-fuck you back." Taehyung breathed out, voicing his pent up tension. 

"But you know what was worse? The times I saw you laughing with fucking Jungkook, screwing around with Jin-hyung, the guys acting so close with you. Watching back-up dancers eye-fuck you, hearing all their fucking comments about how hot you are, people asking if you’re single now, and I couldn't do shit because everyone was always around, watching." Taehyung breathed frustratedly, dangerous eyes locked on you.

"You know I don't get openly jealous, but my blood still boils under my skin when I see or hear those things, especially when I can’t do anything about it. I wanted you.. so badly, just wanted to take you right there in front of everyone if I could.." Taehyung nearly growled as his head hung low, entangling his hands with yours and squeezing them on the bed. 

"Then why didn't you?" 

Taehyung's eyes flashed up amusedly, "Why didn’t-you wanted me to do something in front of everyone?” His confusion softened into a little smirk. 

“You wanted to be watched, huh?" Taehyung lowered himself to your ear.  "Wanted everyone see the way I fuck you? See the way I make you mine? Fuck you open for me?” Taehyung was setting your core on fire and you had to bite your lip. 

He noticed and hated that his lips weren't on yours, quickly planting them for a kiss. 

The weight of Taehyung's leg pushing against your throbbing heat started compromising your sense of control, wanting to rile him up so bad he'll have no choice but to give you what you want. 

"Fuck, this is what I've been waiting for. Teasing you under me, cumming just from my fingers and tongue, fucking you senseless until you’re cumming again." Taehyung's words were filthy as ever and you loved every syllable. 

"Then do it." 

He smiled smugly as his mouth moved to the one spot on your neck he knew leaves you squirming. Curses left your mouth the second you felt his teeth, Taehyung adamant on leaving deep, purple marks. 

“I'm gonna show everyone you're mine, only mine.” Taehyung’s authoritative voice came out breathy as he kissed and bit in between, obsessed with seeing the art he was creating. 

"Shit… Taehyung yes, I missed you, I missed you so fucking much." You desperately stammered out.

"I fucking missed you too, baby." He smiled, his dark eyes glancing from your zip-up sweater and back to you. "But first, off."

Your hands moved for the zipper until Taehyung caught your wrists and forced them back against the bed, obsidian eyes scolding you. 

"That's my job." Taehyung spoke dominantly, hot as fuck as he stared at you while bringing his mouth down to your zipper.

His teeth caught it and slowly zipped down your body, pronouncedly breathing against your bare skin that made you hiss, arching up into him as he held your hands down. 

Taehyung was welcomed by your bra-cladded chest, basking in the glory of seeing your body after so long. He began laying kisses in between your breasts, his every contact electric. 

"Taehyung, please.. don't tease. It’s been so long." 

"We'll see about that."

He reached a hand underneath your back to unclip your bra, practically ripping the clothes off you and chucking them. 

Taehyung was heating up drinking you in, cursing at how even the sight of your naked top was making him somehow harder. 

"Shit, Jagi. You're so fucking gorgeous." Taehyung stated with haste as his large hands found your thighs that rested either side of his hips. He then slowly slid them up your abdomen, cupping your breasts and fingering your nipples. Your hands reached out to hold onto him as you exclaimed but he roughly pinned them above you, restricting you. 

He lowered himself to your chest for hickeys, kissing, licking, nibbling the flesh of your boobs. You arched and groaned as he held you down, sexually frustrated as he torturously teased you. 

"Taehyung, please… you know what I want." You breathed out, your hands resisting but he kept denying you. 

"You’re so fucking hot like this, so impatient and needy for me." Taehyung groaned, lapping his tongue over the flesh of your breasts until the tip of his tongue finally glided over your perched nipple.

You gasped at the contact, whimpering as your walls clenched around something non-existent and you bucked up into Taehyung. You could feel heat pooling at your core, begging to be battered as he sucked on your nipples, tongue doing wonders.  

Marks now embellished your chest as he kissed down to your stomach affectionately and neared your lower half, exciting your opening. 

Your eyes darted down and suddenly caught his length, poking out from his sweatpants and practically begging for attention. 

He instantly took notice. 

"No, princess. It’s about you tonight, not me, no touching." Taehyung ordered seriously, looking at you with a sense of dominance that only left you more aroused. 

You made a whiny noise, "Why not? I want to make you feel good." You retorted, wiggling your hand out to touch him until Taehyung locked you down harder. 

He clicked his tongue as he began pulling your pants and panties down your legs with one hand, his dark eyes chastising you, "We'll get to me another day." He disregarded them and let his hand feel up your thighs, bringing his face to your entrance.  

"But right now, having you like this, begging-” he nipped at your inner thigh, “making those sounds-” he licked the marks, “wet as hell for me-” he sucked your flesh, “that's all I need." His tone dropped an octave, letting your wrists go and nearing your cunt inch by inch. 

"Taehyung, fuck-don't do this. Please, it's been too long, don't tease.." You pleaded, hating the way he was shamelessly working you up.

"Do you need me, baby?" Taehyung watched your breath hitch as he kissed around your nether lips. "Need to feel me inside you? Stretch you out? Fuck the shit out of you?" His low, dark tone made butterflies fill your abdomen and all you could manage was a light nod.

"Tell me, Jagiya. Tell me what you want from me, where you want me.." Taehyung breathed against your soaked pussy and you shivered, beyond impatient. 

"Y-your tongue, your cock, Taehyung, you. Please..I can’t do this.. just fuck me, make me come all over you.." You rambled and looked at Taehyung through hooded eyes. You grabbed one of his hands and brought him directly to your dripping heat, rubbing him against your slit unforgivingly.

Taehyung groaned proudly, "Good girl. I'll fuck you so good you’ll feel me for hours, so hard I’ll have to carry you to rehearsals myself." Taehyung's filthy words rang in your ears. 

A loud moan escaped you once Taehyung's pillowy lips and tongue pressed onto your pussy, your breath hitching as his muscle began licking into your folds. Taehyung hooked onto your thighs from underneath, parting your legs wider for him. Your hands found his broad shoulders for support and you tugged at his hoodie frantically, whining. 

"Taehyung, off.." 

Taehyung drew away from you to slide his top off. He threw the sweater mindlessly as he returned, deciding to sink two fingers inside you as his tongue began licking. His newly exposed skin made you feel more aroused, tugging his soft curls to manage the bliss he was supplying you. 

His tongue licked you like he was starving, sucking and flicking your clit occasionally as his fingers curled up inside your velvety walls. You felt like crying, after such a long time the pleasure was already building up inside you and so intense you needed to let go. 

"Taehyung-Tae.. I feel it. Don't stop..." You moaned weakly, your orgasm dawning on you as Taehyung quickened his pace. His dark eyes watched you through his fluffy fringe and it was intoxicating, had you throwing your head back against the pillow just to contain yourself. 

"Come for me baby, come all over my tongue and fingers. I wanna hear you.” Taehyung cooed at you as he pumped and the tip of his tongue played with your clit faster, soothing your thigh and adoring the wet mess in between you. Your loud moans and groans sent shivers down Taehyung's spine and blood straight to his cock. 

The familiar sensation of something coiling came to you, gripping Taehyung's hair until you saw stars and felt a fierce snap, the unholiest of noises leaving you as your back arched. You panted hard, bringing an arm up to shield your eyes, the pleasure of your high dizzying as Taehyung watched you, tasting and fingering out your orgasm. 

He kissed your entrance multiple times before he decided he was done. He straightened himself up and wiped your juices off his chin, licking your essence off him. Feeling you come undone on his mouth made him go feral, needing to feel your walls hug his cock just the same.

He positioned himself above you, gently moving your arm from your face. 

"Don't hide from me." he spoke softly, intertwining his hands with yours against the pillow to adore your fucked out expression. 

You admired him innocently in the moment, his honey-coloured skin kissed by the moonlight radiating through the windows. The expanse of his broad chest and shoulders looking more bulky now that he was working out, his thick neck, the beautifully visible veins in his arms that all created the art that was Kim Taehyung. 

Your eyes scanned over him greedily until you landed on his lower half, the tent in his pants looking so painful you again ached to relieve it.

Taehyung eyed you as you licked your lips, boldly reaching out for his dick. You touched sparingly, Taehyung instantly letting out a pleasurable groan until he caught your hand.

"What did I say? You never fucking listen, do you?" Taehyung brat-handled you, his alpha male on full display. 

“What if I don’t want to listen?” You disobeyed and reached out again, gaining full contact until he grabbed and forced your hand against the sheets. 

“I’ll make you regret that." 

Taehyung quickly shuffled his pants and boxers down and past his hips, disregarding them and leaving him bare before you. 

Your eyes began ogling the angry, red tipped cock that had sprung out, looking painfully uncomfortable and leaving you wishing Taehyung had just fucked your mouth just watch him suffer. He was already leaking precum, making you whimper at the thought of him coming inside you. 

Taehyung positioned himself in between your legs, bringing his dick to your entrance. He tried to bite away a mischievous grin before sliding his cock against your folds to mix your wetness with his.

"Shit, Jagi, you're so fucking wet." Taehyung moaned with you at the pleasurable feeling. 

"Fuck, Taehyung…I can’t, I need.. inside." Your sentence was mangled, his hot flesh against you heavenly. 

"Shit, saying my name like that..I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll feel me in your throat." Taehyung growled, gripping the base of his cock and aligning himself with your entrance. You readied yourself until Taehyung stopped, a thought suddenly popping into his head. 

"Wait, you got your shot this month, right? You're okay with raw?" He asked with no particular haste, concern glossing over his eyes. 

Taehyung's chest suddenly tightened realizing he didn't even know something as simple as you getting your shot, important to him since your phobia of needles was so bad you usually needed to hold his hand or talk to him on the phone. 

But he was so busy this month he couldn't do either.  

"Of course, Taehyung, of course I did." You breathed out erratically, trying to calm down after his tormenting cock sliding. You gave his hand that held yours against the bed a squeeze, wishing he would begin battering your insides already. 

"Fuck, I know how much you're afraid of needles.. I should've been there." Taehyung became disappointed in himself, eyes faltering from yours. 

You immediately grew soft, "Taehyung.. it's okay, if it's for you then I'm not so scared. Don't worry, bubs." You said as you let go of his hands to cup his cheeks, searching for his eyes. 

"But you get them just for me..even though you're so scared. I love you for that." Taehyung doted on you as he tucked your hair behind your ear, completely contrasting his cock about to abuse you. 

"Taehyung, baby it’s okay, I'm okay. I'm with you right now. I want everything you thought of, everything you want with me… I want you." You looked into his doe eyes tinted with guilt, offering him a smile. 

Taehyung returned a light smile of his own, pressing a feathery kiss to your lips before he grabbed the base of his cock again. He gripped your hand hard as his dick compromised your opening. 

He hissed once he sank in, the feeling of your pussy opening up for him eliciting a drawn out 'fuck' to leave his mouth. 

Taehyung could feel how tight you were after a month without him; you weren't as stretched out and he felt drunk. The way your walls hugged his rock hard dick so snug, so intoxicating he wanted to completely lose control but refrained with you in mind. 

You thought you were used to the pleasurable burn of Taehyung's gifted size, already aware of how well-endowed he is but you suddenly felt a harsh sting and forced your hands against his chest, exasperating. Taehyung immediately stopped, widening his eyes in concern. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Just-just give me a second." He nodded, feeling your breaths calm down as he soothed over your arm, your walls relaxing

"Y-you can move." You voiced weakly. 

Taehyung complied and moved in considerately, failing to suppress the low groans that left him. He finally bottomed out and hit your cervix, both of you letting out satisfied grunts at the feeling of him buried so deep. He could feel the way your walls pulsed around him to adjust, adding to his lists of reasons he was insane for you. 

Taehyung kissed you as he began fucking gently, slowly, wanting to feel the way you wrapped around him, craving for you to feel every inch, groove and vein of his cock. 

The feeling of him slowly and languidly thrusting inside you felt otherworldly, the longing, the care, the love in his movements so apparent you grappled the back of his neck to hug him closer. Taehyung rocked himself against you, laying deep kisses to your mouth.

"Fuck, baby.. you're so tight." Taehyung breathed out, unable to hold back his sense of control, gradually fastening his pace to fuck you better, feel more. 

"How does it feel, princess, tell me." Taehyung cooed into your ear, now kissing underneath your jaw. Your lewd noises grew louder as he began pumping faster and Taehyung looked at you. 

"Shit, Taehyung. I-I feel so fucking good. You fill me up so good… want more.” You practically whined, head spinning at his intoxicating pace, wrapping your legs around Taehyung's torso to feel him deeper. 

Taehyung weakened at the feeling, kissing your lips with fervor and now thrusting faster as his need to come undone racked his balls, but aching to treat you first. His skin was imprinted with your scratches, him only fucking you faster in response. 

"Harder, Taehyung, fuck me harder..!" Your voice trailed with a mewl, kissing him sloppily as your desire for more of him grew unbearable. 

Taehyung smirked against your lips, "You want it harder, huh? You like that? Want me to fuck up your insides? Batter this pussy up?" 

"Y-yes, Taehyung, please." 

Taehyung already felt fucked out, wrestling with your tongue as he wrapped his arms around your torso and pressed you flush against him. You both groaned louder as his pace turned unforgiving, 99% sure your neighbours could hear every lewd sound. 

"Taehyung.. fuck. I missed you. I missed you so much!” You spoke without a thought, light-headed but hyper aware of just how much you wanted him, needed him, not only with his cock buried inside you but just him, so close to you. 

"Shit, baby.. I missed you more. So much. So fucking much, you don’t even know." Taehyung growled desperately as he fucked deeper, kissed harder, his tone coated with sincerity. 

Both your confessions made for rougher fucking, nasty tongue kissing, tighter grasps on each other. You rutted against one another shamelessly, movements faltering in precision and more so in desperation as Taehyung shoved himself inside you. 

And he watched as he did, seeing the way he disappeared into you between your bodies and enjoying the way you bounced in response. 

"Taehyung, fuck, Taehyung.." You moaned out his name breathlessly as you gripped his shoulders, feeling your abdomen flood with heat as his cock kissed your cervix. 

"Jagiya, fucking-watch it, say my name like that again and I'll fuck the living shit out of you." Taehyung warned with a growl as he rammed into you. 

"T-Taehyung.."

“Such a bad fucking girl." 

His arms suddenly locked you down in place, holding you tight as he began the roughest, hardest thrusts you've felt all night. Taehyung deliberately pulled all the way out only to smash back in as he felt your body jerk up in response, swallowing your whimpers.

Your moans were loud, ringing in your own ears as you felt yourself losing your sanity. He snapped into your gut, filled you up so good all you could feel was him. Your orgasm was bubbling in your stomach, begging for release now. 

"Taehyung, I'm gonna- fuck, I'm gonna come!”  You warned him with a pitchy yelp, the tingling feeling unbearable as his body rubbed against your clit. 

"Come for me, baby, all over my fucking cock, Let me feel you." Taehyung encouraged as he desperately tried to hold his own load, wanting nothing but to witness the way you came underneath him.

And out of nowhere your second orgasm washed over you, barely noticing the snap as you ached from oversensitivity and protested him to a halt. Taehyung controlled himself as your walls continuously clamped down on him, watching you pant from fatigue. 

But he decided on your punishment and suddenly flipped you onto your stomach, instinctively settling on all fours as you felt him prod your entrance. He pushed you to arch your back and pulled your ass up, giving a nice smack before kissing up your back like the demon he is. He sank in with no warning and began drilling into you again, setting a merciless pace and angling himself to fuck you completely open. 

“T-Taehyung, what are you doing!”

“You’re coming for me again.”  

“I can’t- Taehyung I can’t!” Your hand quickly came down to entangle with his on your hip, his deft fingers boring into your skin as he mercilessly buried every inch of his cock into you.

“You can do it! Just one more time for me princess, let go for me.” He coaxed you as he felt your walls pulsating around him again, his arms hugging your body to his and mouth breathing unevenly near your ear. 

"Taehyung, Ah- fuck! C-come inside me, please!”

"Shit, I’ll stuff you with my cum, fucking give you my kids!”  Taehyung grunted as he continued bartering your pussy, reaching down to roughly rub your clit. You cried out, half from sensitivity but half from pure pleasure, gripping his hand hard. 

You felt the coil coming back for a third time and Taehyung’s encourgements were doing absolute wonders. "Taehyung-shit I’m gonna..fuck!”

Once he delivered a particularly hard, deep thrust with his hand on your clit, you gasped out his name as another orgasm released through your body, temporarily blinding you with bliss. Your legs grew weak as you buried your face into the pillow, trying to catch your breath. 

“Just like that, baby, just like that.” Taehyung spoke supportively as he thrusted one last time before finally coming inside you, helping you ride out your climax. He groaned into your ear as he spurted hot stripes of cum inside you. You squeezed his hand on your stomach that still held you up, feeling him milk himself of every drop he had racked up just for you. 

Once Taehyung felt completely vacant of his seed, relief washed over him as he kissed your upper back, both of your bodies lax and panting for air. 

"You're amazing." Taehyung tried steadying his breathing, beaming as he hugged you from behind, cock still throbbing inside you. "I fucking… I held that back for so long."  

"You didn’t have to… I would've thrown myself at you if you just came home." You breathed shallowly.  "Could've done whatever you wanted.. I planned...on treating you cause you were so stressed." 

Taehyung rolled his eyes at himself, "Ugh-don’t remind me. I already feel dumb as fuck." 

You turned your head back and scolded jokingly, "Don't call yourself dumb, only I get to say that." A soft giggle escaped him as he let you go. Taehyung slowly pulled out and watched as he did so, viewing the mess in between your legs with admiration. 

Taehyung swiped the cum dripping down your thighs back into your core, completely stuffing you with him until he brought his fingers to your lips. He watched you lick provocatively, his breath hitching at the sight until needing to pull his fingers out. 

He then quickly made off the bed and ambled over to the bathroom, retrieving a damp towel and cleaning you up gingerly. He plopped down next to you after discarding it and threw an arm over his eyes. 

You turned to look at him, feeling the butterflies of him next to you flood your chest. You wiggled closer and propped yourself on an elbow to gaze at him, your other arm laying on his chest. 

Taehyung felt your eyes on him and spoke without looking. "Hi."

"Hi," you moved his arm from his face, echoing him. "Don’t hide from me."

Taehyung grinned at you, lifting his arm. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" 

"Like you're madly in love with me. Don’t do that, I don't really deserve it." He stated dejectedly, evading your eyes to rather view the night sky. 

"Kim Taehyung, what did you just say to me?" 

No response. 

You sighed, "Bubs, look at me." requesting with a softer tone and he returned his eyes to you hesitantly. You wagged your finger at him.

"Don't say that, okay? Maybe you should’ve told me, maybe I should’ve been more vocal about my feelings, maybe we both should’ve just communicated. It's not only your fault, it's mine too so please don't say that." Your bottom lip jutted out and your eyes implored him, upset that he was insulting himself. 

He deserved every ounce of love in this world. 

"Maybe.. I just..Fuck, you need to know I hated doing it, okay? Every time I saw you in that building I was dying to be with you, but I had to hold back to protect you. I couldn’t bear something happening to you, and please, please don’t think I don’t love you anymore. I do, I love you more than you’ll ever know. If I could throw all of this away for you I would." Taehyung spoke sincerely, remembering the way he saw you admit such an awful thought and he hated that he was the cause of it.

"You really don’t know how hard it was. I’m writing lyrics for my mixtape and they all end up about you. We're out at a photoshoot and I always wanted to send you pictures. I didn’t use SNS, call or text you because I knew it’d just be harder for me to create that stupid ass distance.” Taehyung ran a hand through his hair as he sighed, frustrated about it. 

“Even when I was shooting commercials I thought about your reactions if you saw them. I missed you the whole time, more than you know. I just couldn’t risk anything, there was so much on the line with you and I wasn’t going to give you up. Work got in the way and there was so much happening and I just-" 

“Shh shhh.” You calmed him down reaching for his cheek. “Thank you for that. I'm sorry you had to do everything by yourself, had to carry all that responsibility alone." Your lips quivered, catching Taehyung's attention. 

"No, it's okay. I'm the one who made you think all those shitty things. I do find you annoying, but I could never find you that annoying." Taehyung quipped to lighten the mood and you smacked his chest. 

"Hey!" 

"I'm kidding, Jagi." Taehyung chuckled before letting out a long, hard sigh. "I was just so swamped with this comeback, I’m working really hard for it and got too focused." He explained regretfully, tucking his hands underneath his head. 

"So you just thought fuck me for a little while, right?"

"Wha-no I didn't, I mean.. I did just fuck you but-not like that…shit, just come here!” Taehyung suddenly turned onto his side and threw his arms out, you scooted over to him instantly, giggling. He tightly wrapped his arms around you and hugged you close, pressing his lips to your hair and you kissed his shoulder.

Your hand absentmindedly found his and you intertwined them, causing a warm and comforting feeling to spread across your chest. 

You found yourself becoming smaller in his hold, clutching his hand to compose yourself because you didn't feel like ruining a passionate night with tears. 

Nonetheless, Taehyung sensed you growing vulnerable and pulled you on top of him, your naked bodies flush against one another. Taehyung immediately showered you with comfort, clutching you close to him.

"I’m not going anywhere, you’re with me for a lifetime, Jagiya." The smooth bass of Taehyung's voice eased you, reverberating from his chest as he senselessly soothed your back.

"Please, don't do that again. Please just tell me next time when there's a problem, I'll tell you too and we can work it out together." A hint of desperation tinted your tone, shutting your lips together to prevent yourself from crying.

"I won't, baby, I promise." Taehyung hugged you a little tighter, running a hand through your hair. 

"I love you, Taehyung." 

"I love you, Y/N." 

[wreckmetoji]

idfc

An ongoing fic in which you don't realize you have both Fushiguros at your feet.

↳ Toji Fushiguro/Reader

Part 4/?

Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 5

content warning. age gap, mention of sex, mild breeding kink if you squint, afab reader, profanity, slight angst, unrequited love, nobara being a supportive friend, mentions of domestic toji

This is part four of a several part story revolving around smut. **Minors DNI**

1.5k words

What can I say, I live to please. Besides..." "You ain't seen nothin' yet." 4:03 am is what the clock read by the time you had settled into your bed for some much needed, actual sleep. Toji had thoroughly fucked you over nearly every surface in your house that night, leaving no part of you untouched. By the third round, you had nearly lost all feeling in your legs and angry bruises were spotting the surface of your neck, thighs, and hips, the occasional hickey littering your chest. That didn't seem to stop the two of you from going another two rounds after that. What surprised you even more than his stamina, was the fact that he lay beside you in your bed, arm lazily draped over you as he slept silently. In all honesty, you had expected him to leave the moment he was done with you, recalling him saying at some point that this was just him throwing you a line, a simple no-feelings-attached fling to get your mind off the mistake you'd made the night before. For the most part, it worked, but some part of you felt disgusted with yourself for what transpired. When you woke up in the morning, Toji was gone. He had the courtesy to at least plug your phone in and place it on your bedside table, as well as lock your front door. How did he do that? Not seeing your phone for more than twenty-four hours meant you had a lot of messages and calls to catch up with, your chest squeezing slightly seeing that the most recent one had been a missed call and text at 2:47 am. It was from Megumi. By that point in the night, you were sure Toji had you bent over the railing on your balcony, but it was all hazy by this point. That same part of you that felt guilty for what, or rather who, you'd been doing all night is the part of you that texted Nobara first. Incoming call... "Nobara Kugisaki" "WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, BITCH?!" Nobara screeched into the line, causing you to hold the phone at an arms length away as she hurled several choice insults at you. "We thought you were dead, no one's been in contact with you since you and Megumi left the bar," She chastised once she managed to calm down. "I know, I'm sorry. Some shit happened and... promise to keep a secret?" You whispered into the line, as if someone might be listening. You trusted Nobara with your life, Yuuji too but that boy couldn't keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it. So you entrusted your drunken mistake with your mutual best friend to her, and her only. "I was wondering when he was gonna make a move," She sounded so nonchalant, as if everyone but you had expected this. "He's had a thing for you ever since our last year of high school. You didn’t know?" Her words made your stomach churn. Megumi had been secretly pining for years, and you went and fucked his dad. "That still doesn't explain where you've been since you got home, did you go into a coma?" "I was... busy." Nobara gasped, your name falling from her lips in shock. "No shit. Rebound, who was it?" You both loved and loathed that she could see through you so easily. You two couldn't keep anything from each other. How could you tell her this without making it sound as bad as it actually was? "He brought my phone over, and I was just in a really bad place emotionally..." The line was silent. "It was his dad. It was Toji." Unsurprisingly to you, Nobara was more intrigued than disgusted, considering anyone and everyone that went to the Fushiguro household thirsted for Megumi's hot, ripped dad. Although she had a lack of interest in men, she asked the obligatory spill the beans, what was it like? It took nearly ten minutes of just you talking to explain everything that happened, in as little detail as possible. "So that man banged you on every piece of furniture you own and turned you into his personal cum-stuffed twinkie?" Don't make it sound so crude. "More or less, yeah." "I don't see whats wrong with that. Just don't let Megumi know, he already hates his dad." You hadn't planned on it. Nobara and you caught up for another minute or two while you got changed, hanging up when she had to leave for her extra curricular classes. Now left with your thoughts, you sighed, wandering into your kitchen aimlessly. You cursed every couple steps because holy shit your legs hurt. Deciding it was too straining to stand, you sat at your kitchen island, your head in one hand as the other held your phone, your conversation with Megumi opened. [10:20pm]Gumi: I'm sorry.

[10:22pm]Gumi: There were better times to tell you how I feel, this is my fault.

[11:09pm]Gumi: You're the most important person in my life. Just know that no matter how you feel, I'll always be here.

[2:47am Missed call]

[2:47am]Gumi: I'll give you your space. Take care of yourself, please.

Shaky fingers hovered over the keyboard of your phone, nausea building up in your gut. You were about to put your phone down, leave it for later, before the three dots popped up, letting you know he was typing. He must've seen your read receipts.

[. . .]

[9:56am]Gumi: Thank god you're safe

[9:57am]Gumi: Can I call?

The call notification popped up before you could even send the message you'd typed out.

Incoming call... "Gumi Bear"

Your thumb hovered over answer, hesitating for just a moment before answering and bringing the phone up to your ear. You could hear the concern in his voice when he whispered your name into the receiver, a guilty knot twisting in your gut. "You don't have to say anything, I was just worried about you." There was a click on the other end, followed by some rustling. "You left so quickly, I was gonna come bring your phone but... it was probably best that I gave you some space. When my dad didn't come home I assumed it's 'cause he couldn't find you." A long sigh came from him, but your brows furrowed. Toji still wasn't home? The sound of your balcony door sliding open made you jump out of your skin, having to slap a hand over your mouth to prevent from screaming right into the receiver. From the phone you could hear Megumi calling your name, hearing the sudden commotion, completely unaware of the brief staring contest you had with the tall man stopped mid-step into your house, cigarettes and lighter in one of his hands, the balcony handle in the other. Both your eyes were wide, seeming to surprise each other. Had he been out there this entire time? "H...Hey, sorry, I... a spider, I saw a huge spider and it scared me." Mentally face-palming at your sorry excuse for your outburst. Toji seemed to find it entertaining as well, chuckling to himself as he slid the door closed. Megumi was silent for a moment, but ultimately accepted the explanation. He continued, promising he'd only take a minute of your time. You couldn't hear anything he was saying over the pounding of your heart as it leapt in your throat, watching Toji slide his shoes off and stride over to the kitchen, the flat of his palm brushing the small of your back as he passed by. "Let's just forget this happened, we can start over. Okay?" His voice dropped in tone, obviously hurt by the decision. "I think... I'd like that, yeah." There was a brief silence. "Okay, well," Megumi breathed in deeply, "That's all I wanted to say. I'll let you go. Text me if you need anything." A noise of affirmation came from your throat, the line going dead soon after. Small hands placed the phone face down on the countertop, hands overlapping on top of your phone as you stared up at Toji through your lashes. He didn't ask who called. The rest of your morning was spent with Toji, not much was said. It wasn't awkward, it was a surprisingly comfortable silence, for the most part. He'd made coffee and toast, his capabilities of displaying qualities of domesticity surprising you to say the least. The kitchen clock read 1:02 pm when he said he'd be leaving and you walked him to the door. As the two of you stood in the doorway, you found yourself unable to piece together the right words swimming in your head. Toji seemed patient, smirking with his hands stuffed into his sweatpants pockets as he faced you, back to the apartment hallway. "Well, um..." All night, and you decide to be awkward now?! "Thanks for everything, I guess?" You extended a hand, offering it to Toji for a handshake. The action made him snort, one hand coming out of the pocket of his soft cotton pants and placing it in the dip of your waist. Firmly, he tugged you closer to him, leaving a searing kiss on your lips. It was as fiery as it was short. He left you dumbfounded when he parted not a second later, waving as he walked down the hall. "Let's do this again soon."

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 21, part one

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Reunions

All together in The Unclean Realm, The Yunmeng trio find a spot inside where they can sit down and have a proper Yanli-Wuxian reunion, while Jiang Cheng sits across the table watching them. 

For years Jiang Cheng has been rejecting Wei Wuxian's free and easy affection; now Yanli might be the only person Wei Wuxian offers to hug until Wen Yuan comes into his life.

Jiang Cheng is really going through it. He'll do nearly anything for Yanli--except, uh, stay in the goddamn inn with her when she's sick and the Wens are hunting them--and what makes her happiest is Wei Wuxian. He's brought them together, and so he's happy, even though he's excluded from their dynamic. This absolutely fucking kills me.

Here Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian are sweetly pledging to always keep the trio together and put each other first. Neither of them will keep this promise. 

Wei Wuxian will leave first, to take the Wens to the Burial Mounds. Jiang Yanli will leave second, staying in Lanling at Jin Zixuan's request instead of accompanying Jiang Cheng to retrieve Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng will be the last to let go.

(more after the cut)

Nie Huaisang comes literally running in, filled with joy at Wei Wuxian's return. When he goes to pat his shoulder Wei Wuxian flinches away.

I feel like something important is happening in this rapid sequence of glances and expressions between Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang. NHS is startled, and WWX realizes he's shown something about himself that he didn't want to show. He glances at Jiang Cheng and back at NHS before laughing and covering his slip with a squeeze of NHS’s hand.

NHS switches from shocked to cheerful just as quickly, helping with the coverup. It’s like they have a quick mutual agreement, rooted in their history of shared shenanigans, to not point out that something is wrong.

Meanwhile, Lan Wangji is wandering around the grounds, having feelings. At this point it's presumably been at least a couple of weeks since their breakup fight. 

He sees Wei Wuxian sitting contemplating his flute, and as he sees him he goes from sort of neutrally apprehensive to full on angry judging, complete with sword clenching. 

Part of this may be that his feelings are hurt over their fight, but the larger issue is his distress over Wei Wuxian's apparent heretical cultivation.  That, at any rate, is what's on his mind when he's selecting music, later in the episode, and when he's selecting flashbacks. 

Party Time

Later, the Nies host an excruciating party to celebrate Wei Wuxian's slaughter of Wen Chao return. Jiang Yanli is sharing a table with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng is sharing a table with his crippling social anxiety. 

Everyone starts grilling Wei Wuxian about his sword, because that's suddenly all anybody cares about even though Jiang Yanli, Nie Huaisang, Meng Yao, and probably plenty of other people don't carry swords most of the time.

Wei Wuxian says "after the Wens caught me, Wen Zhuliu crushed my core, so I can't use my sword any more, too bad so sad, can we change the subject?" And everyone is very understanding and admires his resiliency. HA HA HA HA HA. Of course he doesn't opt for that simple lie, but instead mopes audibly without saying anything.

Nie Huasiang tries to change the subject by asking how he killed Wen Chao. Apparently "I had a sexy ghost mostly flay him" isn't good party chat, though, so neither Wei Wuxian nor Jiang Cheng opts to tell the story. 

Everyone lapses into awkward silence, all the more noticeable because there are no dancers, musicians, or entertainers of any kind at this event. OP has gone to audit-kickoff meetings that were more fun than cultivator banquets.

Moment of Clarity

While the awkwardness builds, we hear the sounds of the Song of Clarity. Lan Wangji is skipping the party, which is part of why Wei Wuxian is so mopey. But instead of sitting and stewing in his anger, Lan Wangji has shifted gears, and is starting to work on his "save Wei Wuxian's soul" plan.

This isn't the God-botherer version of soul saving, however. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian disagree about correct practice, but they both are still practitioners within the same spiritual system, and the majority of their beliefs are closely aligned.

Lan Wangji has powerful magic at his disposal, and now he's taking a step back from his plan of forcing persuading Wei Wuxian to give up heterodoxy, and instead he's preparing to use his magic to offset the consequences of Wei Wuxian's choice.

He still isn't ready to accept that choice, but he's working on it. This is a big moment for Lan Wangji's relationship with Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji is a deeply, deeply uncompromising person, as well as being super bossy, and he’s taking his first steps toward supporting Wei Wuxian’s free agency. 

Wei Wuxian leaves the party in the middle of Yao's toast, saying "I have to see you and your lover all over my tumblr dashboard but I am NOT going to listen to you talk!" He takes his wine to go roam around near Lan Wangji's quarters to pine and feel conflicted.  Lan Wangji has thoughtfully set up a projection scrim to catch his shadow and make the pining easier.

Jiang Cheng comes looking for Wei Wuxian, partly to reprimand him for rudeness and partly to see what the hell is wrong with him. Jiang Cheng is trying very hard to be pleasant. He's bad at it, but he's trying.

Wei Wuxian is trying to be unpleasant and he's pretty good at it. He won't say why he isn't using his sword. He’s obviously super fucking depressed about it, calling his former self childish for liking to spar, and only smiling once during the whole exchange.

He finally tells Jiang Cheng that he will always want to do the opposite of what Jiang Cheng tells him.  Jiang Cheng lets this go with an eyeroll.

(Point Break Quote Alert)

But actually this is a sign of trouble, right here in River City, with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for abandoning the Jiang Clan. Wei Wuxian has just told Jiang Cheng he has no intention of obeying him; not just about the sword, but in general. That's no way for a disciple to talk. 

OP has nothing to say about this gif. OP watches gif over and over and over and over

Wei Wuxian ends the conversation by tapping Jiang Cheng's chest with his flute and then walking away. The (still nameless) flute has no problem with this - does it, like Subian, recognize Jiang Cheng as an extension of Wei Wuxian?

The next day, Wei Wuxian is chilling in his room, looking ungodly sexy in his bold slashed robe, holy frack. I mean, he is sex-on-toast at all times, but the cut of his post-burial-mounds combo is particularly heart-stopping when he decides to stick a knee or two out. 

He's meditating and flashing back to being in the burial mounds, where he was also meditating. I admire his ability to fractally meditate about meditating. 

Chenqing

He didn't put a sock on the doorknob, so Jiang Yanli comes in and startles him. He brandishes his flute at her before calming down. The flute definitely does not see her as an extension of Wei Wuxian, because when she touches it, it smokes and then knocks her out of the frame so fast it's comical.

Did they put her in a jerk vest for that shot?

Wei Wuxian hides the flute from her, freaked out by its behavior. She, however, is unfazed, and gives him the first & only affirmation he's gotten about his new cultivation path, and says the flute is "like Mother's Zidian."  She kind of walks him through the whole "first class spiritual tool" concept, beaming with approval and telling him he must name the flute.  

Jiang Yanli is hardcore Jiang Clan, seriously. Freedom and impossibility. You survived 3 months of mystery trauma and now you're all fucked up? We'll roll with it. You have a demon flute now? Rock on. You're going to use necromancy to beat the other clans in a group hunt? Gold star for you.

He names the flute Chenqing, which @hunxi-guilai​ translates and explains in depth over here.

Bichen

Lan Wangji has finished practicing the Song of Clarity, and regardless of whether it's had an effect on Wei Wuxian, he himself seems much calmer. 

As Wei Wuxian contemplates Chenqing, Lan Wangji contemplates Bichen and remembers Wei Wuxian's assertions about resentful energy way back in Gusu summer school. 

This time when he grips his sword, it's loosely, as if he's made some progress with his anger.

Soup

Jiang Yanli sits Wei Wuxian down for some soup, and talks to him about what's going on with him, saying he's changed. He insists he's fine and works very hard to be convincing.

She's not convinced but says she won't press him, and then abruptly shifts tone and works very hard to act like everything is fine. She leaves, taking a lot of soup with her, and Wei Wuxian remarks that it's unfair she is giving so much to Jiang Cheng. But of course, some of it is secretly for Jin Zixuan.

Everything isn't fine, as Wei Wuxian scream-meditates with resentful energy just rolling off of him. He's got some of the dark energy stored in the Yin sword in his bag of holding, but I get the impression that a lot of it is just stored in his body.

Club Ruohan

At some point in the episode we stop in to check on Wen Ruohan. He and his wind machine are mad that Wen Chao is dead. 

Meanwhile, his interpretive dances with the Yin iron now turn his puppets into...Klingons? Sure, why not. 

Literal Stand-Up Meeting 

Jiang Cheng needs Wei Wuxian at games night a meeting and comes running to Jiang Yanli to find him. He is freaking out and she tells him to chill. 

No matter what fuckery is going on in the world, Jiang Yanli is going to find herself a nice little outdoor table and she is going to sit her ass down and have some tea and civilized lady activity. Queen.

This shot of the meeting is composed so nicely. The blocking (placement of actors) in this scene encapsulates the familial dynamics, and I’ll talk about that as soon as I finish admiring Jiang Cheng’s proportions. 

Here we have four clans represented by four family pairs around the game war table. The Jin cousins, despite their differing personalities, are side by side, matchy-matchy, in lockstep. Jin Zixuan lets Jin Zixun do the talking for him, so maintains his own rep as a reasonable guy.  

The Nie brothers are even closer together, also in matching greys, Nie Huaisang giving all of his attention to his brother/clan leader. You can see his careful watching of his brother's temper...not fearful for himself, but fearful for Mingjue.

The Lan brothers have a growing distance between them; they are in different colors (which is pretty usual for them), and Lan Wangji is standing well away from his brother and the rest of the group. Partly this is his personality, but it's also symbolic of his growing distance from his brother and other proper cultivators. He's carrying WWX-related secrets, and he's wrestling with what he's learned.  

While Nie Huaisang is looking at Mingjue, Lan Xichen is turning around to see what's up with his own volatile sibling.

Lastly you have Jiang Cheng, alone in the room, with his shidi nowhere to be found, and seriously feeling the heat because of his isolation. 

He's alone in his purple, but the color value (lightness/darkness) of his robes exactly matches Xichen's. 

And Xichen, bless him, makes a point of speaking to him respectfully as a fellow clan leader, gives him a path out of the "where is your brother" conversation, and is just generally his kind and helpful self with Jiang Cheng.

Next: Awkwardness Increases!

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 2.3.8 “Inconveniences Of Entertaining A Poor Man Who May Be Rich”

This chapter is so long. Here goes.

Is it normal for Cosette to have to knock to get into the house she lives in? Or is Hugo just using that as a vehicle to make Mme Thenardier meet Valjean first?

It’s times like this that I desperately wish I knew more about biblical stories and fables and things. This, a rich man in disguise as a poor man being treated poorly by innkeepers and taking something from them, sounds like a bible story or a similar type of fable. But the only two bible stories I know with similar themes are the nativity story and Sodom and Gomorrah and neither of those seem quite right. Still, this entire episode reads like a fable or fairytale.

We’ve already seen how Evil the Thenardiers are re: their treatment of Cosette. Now we are seeing their Evil in the form of treatment of the poor.

You know, that’s an interesting thing that I’m not going to get into in this longass chapter. Javert’s evil and Thenardier’s evil are different because I feel like Javert’s evil is a lot more muddied or obscured by morality and duty and things like that. Where are the Thenardiers are bad but the badness of their actions is much more black and white. I think it’s also because, technically, they never have social power over anyone unless they are manipulative, whereas Javert always has the social power. I’m not sure where to go with either of these ideas but I will look back on it for a shorter chapter.

Cosette is ugly because she’s sad. It’s like the exact opposite of Roald Dahl’s description of ugliness. I called it on the orphanage thing and kids looking years younger than they are; she looks 6 when she’s 8. That doesn’t seem like a huge difference when you look at it written down but the difference between the size and maturity of a 6 year old vs an 8 year old is surprising.

In the way that the description of the doll was a distant echo of young Fantine, the description of Cosette here is a faded echo of dying Fantine.

“Fear was spread all over here; she was, so to speak, covered with it; fear squeezed her elbows against her sides, drew her heels up under her skirt, made her shrink into the least possible space...” I’m sure this description comes from Hugo observing children in his lifetime, but I also wonder if any of this comes from his brother who had schizophrenia and was institutionalized?

“The expression on the face of this child of eight was habitually so sad and occasionally so tragic that it seemed, at certain moments, as if she were on the way to becoming an idiot or a demon.” What an interesting pair of choices. Fear and sadness either stun and numb you completely or they turn you aggressive and evil. Hugo said the same thing before when talking about Valjean’s prison time. Again, like I said before, Cosette here is Valjean when we first met him: exhausted, scared, sad, numb, hatefully terrified of the people around her; the difference is that she still has hope. She had that moment of hoping someone would rescue her, she had the moment of pausing and wondering what the doll’s paradise was like; when we met Valjean he was past that kind of hope.

(Funny that Mme Thenardier doesn’t suspect the trick Valjean just pulled, despite Valjean “finding” a 20 sous piece instead of 15 sous piece.)

I love the description of Eponine and Azelma because it’s so innocent. They as little human beings aren’t morally bankrupt at the level of their parents yet. They’re still pretty and glowing. Partly because they are well-cared for unlike Cosette, and partly because they are still innocent.

“Eponine and Azelma did not notice Cosette. To them she was like the dog. The three little girls did not have twenty-four years among them, and they already represented the whole of human society: on one side envy, on the other disdain.”

Ah, human microcosms. Hugo loves those. The Thenardier children and Cosette are the pared down, simplified version of society. It’s also an excellent example of how Privilege works in layers. The girls’ doll is worn and old and broken, but the fact of them having a real doll and Cosette having nothing is already a layer of privilege Someone else, another little girl with wealthy parents and a new intact doll would have privilege over the Thenardier girls. There are layers.

I really love this passage too because it shows the start of the zero-sum game between Eponine and Cosette. At no point are Eponine and Cosette able to be equals. But the important thing is that neither of them are aware of this. Later, when Cosette and Eponine encounter each other again in the Gorbeau house, Eponine doesn’t have the awareness to be angry about the reversal of their fortunes. She seems sad, mostly, a jealousy born from a feeling of worthlessness rather than feeling slighted. And Cosette doesn’t even recognize Eponine, so there’s no room at all for disdain on her part, unless she’s disdainful of Eponine et al due to their poverty, though that never seems to be the case. But Eponine cannot be happy while Cosette is and Cosette cannot be happy while Eponine is, because their goals occupy the same fulcrum (Marius) and they can’t both be on the same level at the same time.

Fanfiction has explored this a lot in modern AU but I wonder the kind of havoc that could have been wreaked had Cosette and Eponine met and become proper acquaintances. Their teenage personalities are two sides of the same coin. I’ve always been of the opinion that had they switched places as children Cosette would have ended up like Eponine and Eponine like Cosette. Because Eponine has the capacity for kindness within her, except that she doesn’t know how to use it selflessly; and Cosette has the same stubborn ruthlessness as Eponine, except that she is held back by convention and reduced to talking a lot in order to try and somehow glean information from Valjean or Marius.

“Now your work belongs to me. Play, my child.” This is the second (or third?) Myriel moment for Valjean. Cosette is a child, an innocent child, but her soul doesn’t need to be bought for god. As far as I can tell, for Hugo, children are always holy. Instead, he’s buying her work. But that makes sense. For Valjean, his soul needed to be bought for god because he had already lost it to sin and to evil and to doubt. Cosette still has hope; what she needs bought from her is suffering.

And here is where the parallel continues. Cosette up until now has been Valjean as we first met him: sullen, suffering, scared, dulled, close to becoming “an idiot or a demon” and now, like Valjean’s soul, her work has been bought so she can be free.

I think it is within the walls of the convent that their parallels will catch up to each other and they will become more equal.

I feel as though the cat in a dress vs the sword in a dress must be some sort of parallel to Eponine and Cosette’s personalities but I’m not quite sure how to pull the meaning out.

“A little girl without a doll is almost as unfortunate and just as impossible as a woman without children.” Ugh. Gross, Hugo. This whole chapter was so lovely and then this misogynist bullshit.

I can explain the “water on her brain” line! Mostly because it’s a medical condition I actually have! So, “water on the brain” is another term for hydrocephalus, which is a buildup of cerebrospinal fluid in the ventricles of the brain. It can be caused by being born prematurely (like mine was) or by infections/head trauma. Nowadays they can put a shunt in your head that pumps the fluid into the abdominal cavity (which is what I have), but obviously they didn’t have the technology back then. So what happens to the head if the fluid doesn’t drain, is the head will start to increase in size, and the fluid buildup will squish the brain against the sides of the skull, causing seizures and brain damage/intellectual disabilities and vision problems and other such things. I function perfectly fine except for mild dyscalculia and ADHD (which might have been genetic anyway) but back in the 19th century hydrocephalus probably would have resulted in either mild-to-severe disabilities or death.

Cosette doesn’t have hydrocephalus, but what she does have is severe malnutrition, which can make a person’s head look much too large for their body. So Mme Thenardier is likely using Cosette’s appearance due to neglect to fake that she has a neurological problem and explain why they have to “take care of” her.

Jesus fucking christ this next bit is so much. There’s so much going on. Mme Thenardier is talking to Valjean about Cosette’s mother, the drinkers are singing vulgar songs about the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus, and Cosette is under the table singing “My mother is dead.” to herself. Woof. It is, yet again, an instance of the memory of “Fantine” (in the symbolic, saintly form of the Virgin) being sullied both by the foul songs of the drinkers and the callous, flippant commentary of Mme Thenardier. And Cosette is there under the table, staring at the fire, suddenly playing the role of her own mother, rocking the sword-baby (herself) to try and comfort herself from the shock of this new knowledge that her mother is dead.

(Anyone else read As I Laying Dying, by the way? All I could think of when I read that line was “My mother is a fish.”)

We start to see Cosette’s bold personality come out in fits and starts. She’s brave enough to sneak out and grab the doll Eponine and Azelma have abandoned. But it’s also an example of how desperate she is for something pleasurable and good, considering she’s doing that at the risk of a beating.

For the second time, we see Cosette so absorbed in her moment of “I Want” that she doesn’t see or hear anything else. Again, this seems unusual considering her constant hypervigilance. But her success in getting the doll and her increased confidence due to Valjean’s presence probably have something to do with her lack of awareness.

Cosette is caught with the doll. Is this the parallel of Valjean being caught with Myriel’s silver? Mme Thenardier says “That beggar has dared to touch the children’s doll.” The gendarmes don’t say as much when they return Valjean to Myriel, but it’s pretty obvious they’re thinking something similar.

“We are forced to add that at that moment she stuck out her tongue.” COSETTE IS SO CUTE I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE DESERVES THE WORLD. Also I just love the way Hugo writes children, it’s so real.

Why did Hugo choose Catherine for the name of the doll? Is it to do with St Catherine? She (the saint) became Christian at 14 and converted hundreds of people before being martyred at 18 after rebuking the Roman emperor for his cruelty and winning a debate with his best philosophers.

“This solitary man, so poorly dressed, who took five-franc pieces from his pocket so easily and lavished gigantic dolls on little brats in wooden clogs, was certainly a magnificent and formidable individual.” Valjean is now Myriel. Outsiders are fascinated by him because he dresses so shabbily and yet is so benevolent and charitable with his money. Again, the difference is that Myriel’s name is always known, and Valjean’s is never known.

I know I say this so often but the distance with which Hugo treats Valjean is absolutely fascinating to me. Valjean has this incredible power to just go inside himself and not move, but we never get that kind if internality unless it’s really really important (like with the Champmathieu affair). Otherwise, Hugo keeps a respectful distance, and even when we get Valjean’s emotions described to us, I feel like Hugo is always holding back a little, like he’s not letting himself see all the way into Valjean, or Valjean isn’t letting him in.

Valjean asks for a stable; I think this is the first time we see his whole thing about sacrifice of physical comfort. Things like this asking for the stable and sleeping in the shed behind the house at Rue Plumet and not having chairs and only eating black bread etc. This is the first example we see of him feeling unworthy of physical comforts to such a degree.

(It’s interesting to me that we don’t see this characteristic when he was mayor, or at least not to this extreme. Is it because it would be unbecoming of a mayor and therefore would blow his cover? Or did going back to prison hammer in that feeling of worthlessness and lesser-than and warp his perception of what he is compared to others?)

“What a sublime, sweet thing is hope in a child who has never known anything but its opposite!” We’ve said this already, but Cosette is full of hope and life and light and that is Important because it is exactly what Valjean did not have when he was in her position. But it means that she doesn’t have to work as hard in her ascent towards happiness and goodness.

And, lastly, I love that the placement of the gold Louis in Cosette’s shoe isn’t just a sweet Christmas gesture or a gesture towards Cosette: it’s also an echo of M Madeleine breaking into houses to place gold pieces on the table.

Wow. Long af post for a long af chapter. Congratulations if you read through all of my rambling thoughts.

[babysubinnie]

asahi’s countdown // park jeongwoo

💎 pairing:: park jeongwoo x reader 💎 genre:: fluff, emotional, idol!jeongwoo 💎 words:: 2.2k (i got carried away help) 💎 summary:: after training for so long, you got let go from the company, how the hell were you supposed to tell treasure (most importantly jeongwoo) that this would ruin all the plans to debut together? 

a/n: also do you see this mf man he’s so goddamn gorgeous ——————————————————————————

"i'm sorry y/n, but i think we're going to have to let you go. you're an amazing dancer, and if i could, i would debut you just as a dancer. but unfortunately i can't." our ceo had said to me and I looked down trying not to let my tears fall down my face.

"okay." i nodded looking up until i knew that my tears weren't going to fall because i knew that if i let my tears fall, i was going to lose my position at the company forever. i probably won’t be able to come back if i cried about this.

"i'm sorry." he put his hand on my knee pretending that he cared about me, but in my head, i was screaming at him. i deserved to debut after going through hell and back. i worked so hard to get where i was, and especially to be a famous dancer. i wanted to debut, but i mean who wouldn’t want to after working so hard.

"it's okay. i totally understand." i didn't understand why he did it but i got up and walked to the practice room where all of the boys were. how was i supposed to tell treasure that i was leaving after years of training with them?

"what did he want?" the entire maknae line ran up to me and i looked down trying not to cry again but it obviously didn’t work. if i was really upset, nothing i did, or the boys did, would make me happier. 

"it's not important." i shook my head trying to push it off because i didn’t want to even think about it. they hugged me out of habit not knowing that i seriously needed this more than anything in the world. i looked up after hugging junghwan to see that jeongwoo was biting his lip as he stared at me. 

"of course it is. tell us what he said." jeongwoo smiled walking over to me before i slowly dropped my head to look down at the floor. i couldn't tell jeongwoo of all people. i could tell anyone, including jihoon and hyunsuk but i couldn’t tell jeongwoo. i just froze when he asked me. i wanted to give him any answer but seriously i couldn’t. i really didn't want to embarrass myself in front of him. he grabbed my wrist pulling me towards him, but i only pulled my wrist back.

"don't worry about it." i ran out of the building covering my mouth with tears falling out of my eyes. i heard my name get called multiple times but i completely ignored them. they tried chasing me but before they could catch up to me, i got into my car, and drove as fast as i could. of course i was upset about this. looking up to his eyes made me feel even worse. i felt like i was letting him down. no of course i was letting him down. the two of us were supposed to debut together. we were supposed to go on stage together. everything we do together as an idol was gone. 

that was the very last thing i said to the boys. for the next few months, they called me constantly, and texted me constantly. they kept trying to meet up with me, but i blocked every single one of them. i hadn't seen them or talked to them for at least three years now. they went through yg treasure box, and of course i watched each episode and voted too. i started just dancing in workshops, but specifically the ones that taught contemporary. i wasn’t sure why but i always felt an urge to do contemporary when i was upset. 

*beep*

"yo y/n, there's a private workshop happening at yg entertainment, singing workshop with jeongwoo and yedam. a dance one with mashiho and doyoung. lastly, a rap one with hyunsuk and haruto. i signed us up, and sent our video in. we got it. it's today, so i'm coming to pick you up in 5. be ready soon." my bestfriend had texted me the minute i finished practicing. she didn't know that i was an ex-trainee at yg. if that was the reason we got into the class, then i wouldn't know how to explain it to her. i really hope this wasn’t the reason for us being accepted. 

i replied to her text and quickly found a crop top, my black cargo pants, and boots. i tied my hair up in a bun before running downstairs only to see her already waiting for me. i giggled when she was gawking at her phone background of hyunsuk. she was head over heels for this guy.

"let's go." she smiled giggling at me before we got into the car and headed to yg. i was nervous, because after all, it has been three years since i last saw all 12 of them. hopefully i didn't have to see all 12 of them. they would definitely ask me what had happened, and why i cut off all contact with them.

"i'm so excited. i can't believe i’m finally gonna meet the love of my life." she squealed as we walked through the doors. nothing's changed. i thought to myself smiling while looking down at the ground. we walked up to the desk slowly and as i looked up, it was the same lady that saw me walk out those doors, bawling my eyes out.

"y/n? i’m so happy to see you! i haven’t seen you in a long time." the lady at the desk greeted us, then made a face at me. i shook my head and looked down trying to tell her not to say anything, but it was too late. she already told her.

"yes. i haven’t seen you in a long time too!" i nodded and decided that if i was going to go along with it, or just ignore it. but in the end, i decided that i should go with it. 

"how does she know you?" my best friend whispered in my ear when i was still at the desk before moving my eyes down to look at the ground. when i looked up, she smiled sweetly at me before telling me that the boys were in the practice room that they always loved practicing in. i knew who debuted, and it just so happened that i was close with every single one. especially park jeongwoo. when we walked into the practice room, i didn’t think that all of treasure was going to be there, and they were. every goddamn one.

“it doesn’t matter.” i pushed her into the practice room taking a deep breath before walking in, and there they were smiling at me. well of course until i actually made eye contact with them. they were happy. they didn’t need me and i was happy they were happy. they’ve gone through too much. he was standing with haruto and jaehyuk, with his arms on both of their shoulders, laughing. i smiled at him in awe because i was so happy that he still smiled like that. he shot his head up when hyunsuk said my name.  

"holy fuck. y/n?" hyunsuk started tearing up and the rest of the boys didn’t take very long to do the same. when jeongwoo looked away from jaehyuk and made eye contact with me, he ran to me as fast as possible. he put both of his arms around my waist swinging me around in circles. i’m going to be honest when i say this is the biggest hug we’ve ever had. i missed him more than anything in the world. 

“hi y/n.” jeongwoo smiled with tears filling his eyes, while the rest of the boys were looking at the two of us. you can’t forget my best friend who was in absolute shock.

“j-jeongwoo.” i stuttered with my voice stuck in my throat. i forgot how to speak. when i looked into his eyes, i felt the whole world stop. i always thought i could speak to jeongwoo without stuttering, but seriously i was wrong. after all these years, he still makes me nervous as hell. 

“i missed you so fucking much. i’m so happy you’re back.” jeongwoo smiled at me with tears now falling down his cheeks. i’m saying that like i wasn’t crying myself. when i decided to do this workshop, i wasn’t expecting to come back to yg. i honestly wasn’t but after seeing all 12 of my boys, i wanted to come back. of course i wanted to. these boys were my life, it just took me three years to realize it.

“jeongw-” 

“please tell me you’re coming back to us love. i don’t think we could ever let you go again. three years is too long.” hyunsuk walked over to me sticking out his hand for me to take. i smiled taking his hand before he pulled me out of jeongwoo’s arms and into his arms. hyunsuk was the only one that could convince me right now. he was the only one that could convince me. ever. 

“suk...” i looked down at my feet because i swear if i looked up at him, i would 100% give into him. i always thought that hyunsuk was the mom of the group, and this just proved my point. i totally forgot the reason for coming here, until i looked into the mirror to see my partner in crime staring at all of us with eyes that could kill.

“can someone please explain what the hell is going on here?” she threw her arms out into the air glaring straight at me before crossing her arms in front of her. she scoffed at me then turned to look at junkyu. her second bias stood there giggling when she smiled at him. 

“i can give you the summary!” asahi stepped up smiling at her then winked at me. he walked over to me pulling me into a hug whispering that he missed me more than anything in the world. i giggled when he flipped me around so that i was now in a back hug with him. 

“basically, a few years ago, y/n was a trainee at yg with us. we were supposed to debut at similar times, but something happened, which we still need an explanation for. but regardless, she left the company and stopped talking to us for three years, five months and 2 days.” i laughed when asahi mentioned that he had been counting how many days it’s been since i talked to them. i smiled at him then looked back at her to see her reaction. still shocked. 

“when we realized after the fifth month that she wouldn’t get back to us, we gave up on her. it was painful for every single one of us but the point is, she’s back.” he continued talking with his robot voice, which made me think hard about what he actually said. i didn’t realize how much i hurt them until i did.

“you forgot something sahi.” jeongwoo widened his eyes putting his hands out to the sides. i laughed whispering to asahi that i would talk about jeongwoo. he was the best part of the story no?

 “jeongwoo and i, were the bestest of friends when i left, and the fact is that i always had a really big crush on him but of course, we all knew that he liked some other girl so i never did anything about it. i wanted to, but it was never the right time. when i left, junghwan did it for me but i never gave jeongwoo a chance to anwser me because i left before i even had the chance to talk to him. i always thought that i would be able to debut on the same day as treasure and that would be the day i told jeongwoo but i never got the chance. jeongwoo, i guess i'm confessing to you now.” i smiled over in jeongwoo's direction and asahi let go of me, to which i walked over to jeongwoo. i've been waiting for this moment my entire life so help me god if i mess this up. he smiled nervously at me while i thought of all the ways that i could do this. of course i was nervous.

“jeongwoo, i’ve liked you ever since that day the two of us did that dance, i never thought i could love someone more than i love you. i know this is something that i should have said earlier but i-” 

“let me talk. i love you so goddamn much that it hurt when you left. i seriously thought that i would never see you again, and when i saw you dancing in all those workshop videos, it made me happy that you were still dancing. i don’t think you really realize how amazing your dancing is. i’m so happy you’re back. i missed you so much my love.” he pulled me close to him before pressing his lips to mine. 

“about time.” junkyu rolled his eyes scoffing while glaring at us. we pulled away from each other to smile then changed out look to glare at junkyu. he shrugged laughing giving us a ‘am i wrong’ look. jihoon pushed him then scoffed at him,

“kim junkyu, did you really have to ruin the moment?” 

[st-just]

Semi-coherent thoughts on Oathbringer

So, overall probably the most even of the series so far, I’d say? Not to say I didn’t like it – I really, really loved the finale, and there were plenty of great lines, but my god were there a lot of pages spent on nothing happening (honestly it kind of reminded me of the latter volumes of ASOIF, in that sense) – then again, I suppose that is kind of just the nature of these 1000+ page fantasy epics. There were some setting reveals that really were fascinating, and legitimately a bit surprising. Going to have to take a break from the series until the friend I got Rhythm of War for is done so I can borrow it, though I suppose that’s no huge loss compared to the however many years everyone else had to wait in between them.

So in terms of pacing it’s...bad. Or, well, that’s probably a bit unfair. There’s absolutely plenty of fat to cute, but again I do think that might just come with the territory of committing to like a dozen POVs across a tree’s worth of paper (though there were absolutely like 100+ page stretches where I’m not actually sure the plot meaningfully progressed). That said, honestly the main pacing issue isn’t so much the bloat as, like – okay, Dalinar’s arc was a pretty consistent throughline, but for Kalidan and Shallan it kind of felt like there was one whole story in Urithiru, and then from the mission to Kholinar and the journey through the Cognitive Realm felt like its own separate novel? I mean, not sure if that makes any sense, but it really did kind of feel like there was a whole additional first act of table and stakes setting once they arrived in the city.

Though, to argue in favor of bloat for a moment – I was chatting with  @lifeattomsdiner​ bit back about The City We Became, and they mentioned that the size of the cast meant that you don’t actually really get to know any of the protagonists that well on their own. And I suppose that is the advantage of the 1200-page-per-volume epic cycle – even with characters you only really meet in interludes like Szeth, Vargo and Venli (incidentally three of my favorites), you spend enough pages inside of their head that you do really get to see what makes them tick and learn to love/hate them. Speaking of – props to Sanderson as an author, really – it’s vaguely astounding that he manages to keep track of that many internal monologues and actually make them seem distinct from each other.

Breaking things down by character a bit more – this book really did actually enjoy/get invested in Dalinar way more than either of the previous two, which again I’m told is more or less the expected reaction. Given the amount of tumblr brain poison I’m voluntarily exposed myself to, it’s honestly more than a bit of a nice change to see a character on a redemption arc who is actually unambiguously in need of redemption. Because holy shit, pulled, like, exactly two punches in terms of making the guy as genuinely loathsome as possible before he starts breaking. And, well, obviously he was on a redemption arc, but there was a bit near the end there where I really did think that the book was going to cut to black on an ‘end of Act 2, maximum darkness before dawn’ moment with, like, all the Skybreakers and him kneeling before Odium as the city fell. But I suppose that would be a bit much of a cliffhanger for a series with installments this weighty.

This was pretty clearly Shallan’s ‘getting over my personal bullshit’ book, like WoR was for Kaladin and WoK was for Dalinar, though spicing things up with increasingly severe DID as the book went on did make things more interesting at least. Also, I have no idea if this is actually true, but according to the friend who pestered me into reading these when someone asked Sanderson if he’d intentionally written her as bi he just kind of shrugged and said ‘sure, why not,’ which is fun. It was more than a bit, I don’t know, forced?, to have Wit just wander in from stage left and give her a desperately needed therapy session while she was in the middle of a breakdown and propel her development for most of the rest of the book, but on the other hand she’s pretty easily the main POV I’m most invested in by now, and the live triangle the text repeatedly threatened me with never actually became a thing, so I can’t really complain too much. Honestly super curious about the Ghostbloods and what they want out of her given, well, for a shadowy murderous conspiracy, everything they’ve wanted out of her so far has been pretty much entirely benign. Like, of the three major shadowy murderous conspiracies they’re easily the least problematic for the future of humanity at the moment. She should just commit and join for real imo.

As always, Kaladin’s POV is mostly good because it means we get more Syl, who is the single best character in the entire story I’ve decided. But also, I really quite liked his whole sojourn with the newly freed Parshmen and dawning realization that ‘wait these people are basically entirely right’. Also, the delicious delicious angst of spending however many dozens of pages getting to know them and then the wall guard and then the two groups killing each other in a confused melee while he has a mental breakdown. Easily best moment in the book (but then I’m a miserable person).

Adolin is honestly significantly more entertaining to follow than I really expected, though I’m still not like especially invested in him as a character. His relationship with his tailor was quite charming, though, as was the fact that he cares enough about fashion that he learned to sew. Honestly I was rather expecting/slightly dreading his main arc this book to be, like, inadequacy or insecurity over being almost literally the only member of his family that’s not a Radiant, so it’s kind of a pleasant surprise that he seems to have just accepted that (too well-adjust, I guess?). It is however extremely funny that the fact he just straight-up murdered one of the kingdom’s most important aristocrats and the major antagonist of the first two books seems to have resulted in absolutely zero consequences of any kind for him.

In terms of minor characters, the one I’m most invested in by a pretty substantial margin at this point is Venli, as she’s getting a front row seat to all the most interesting bits of the setting, ‘cultist growing increasingly disillusioned about return of ancient and terrible eldritch god’ is a really entertaining character arc just in principle, and because as of the end of the book she represents the morally objectively correct perspective and political line I’ve decided and will fight people about. Curious what sort of superpowers she’ll get. (Vargo and Szeth are still both great though, too).

The Unmade are really fun as a worldbuilding conceit/excuse for weird fucked up monsters. And it really is kind of funny that at least a third of the God of Evil’s nine generals/children/favoured beasts are, like, at conflicted or ambivalent about the whole ‘exterminate humanity and remake the world as a monument to my glory’ thing.  

Really, on an extremely shallow and entirely aesthetic level, between the evil red crystal/lightning aesthetic, the remote mountain fortress as a stronghold of the heroes in the face of the coming apocalypse, tears into the realm of spirits, the quirky evil minibosses each handling corrupting/conquering a given center of civilization, etc, the whole thing kind of reminded me of Dragon Age Inquisition. Which reminded me of how disappointing the story to that game was, which made me like the book more by comparison, but anyway. Yeah, good book.

[sanstropfremir]

kingdom episode 3 baby!!!!

listen. i’m not gonna lie i was nervous as hell for this episode. i saw that preview like everyone else and unfortunately i have ears so i was convinced the ateez stage was going to be a trainwreck. i was absolutely banking on sf9 and skz to do something even mildy interesting to save me from the ear damage and having to talk to extensively about why that disaster happened. but somehow i woke up in an alternate universe and you know what? with the exception of that high note the ateez stage fucked. i know. i don’t believe it either. i think i’m still in shock.

i’ll do individual breakdowns in order of favourites within the episode and then at the end i’ll put my personal ranking of all six. thank god i don’t have to do a stage breakdown again; if they change it again for next week i will scream.

ateez

a miracle happened. i don’t have to fight any of the staff at kq. i don’t understand either. jongho is so fucking lucky that the rest of the group pulled all that energy out of their asses because if they had been even a single iota less serious about it that stage would have flopped worse than a dead fish. i can’t believe we got this level of camp b movie schlock in the first full stage, and they stuck the landing. incredible.

fine i’ll address the elephant in the room. personally, i don’t think jongho is that good of a vocalist. he’s not bad, and he does have the potential to be a good vocalist, he just doesn’t have the training, and this is the issue with all of ateez. hanya talked about this before and i’ll say it again: he can’t switch to his head voice and he’s destroying his vocal cords by attempting to hit notes in his mid range that he should just jump to head voice for. frankly i’m surprised he got anywhere close to that note in his mid, but his technique is just not there and he’s gonna do some real damage to his voice if he doesn’t take a break and also get a good vocal coach. you can already hear the degradation in sound from their debut stage to now, and that’s in less than three years. ok i’m done talking about vocals that’s hanya’s turf, i’m pretending that that high note doesn’t exist and we’re moving on. also im in love with btob’s reaction it was fucking priceless.

costume

look, i have a one track brain and that brain can only think about seonghwa corset. seonghwa corset? seonghwa corset.

i know it’s not a real corset nor is it properly laced and i know this would never happen in a million years but a kpop mr pearl trend? i would die. just fully expire. there’s no coming back from that for me

yes i have laced boys into proper corsets before and yes it is as hot as you think it is (when it’s not work related, obviously)

ok now that i’ve got that out of my system for the moment, the costumes are actually pretty good. i’m a little obsessed with hongjoong’s coat although I know it’s stupid. fur? always, I love it, you’ll never change my mind it makes everything better. i own a lot of it and i wear it all the time. this is also a pretty good example of how to do a more modern styling within a very specific and recognizable genre.

i don’t hate the backup dancers’ costumes either, even though they would look a lot better in a not-pirate themed hiphop stage. because there is already a modern tint with the boys’ costumes, it’s not that much of a leap to the dancers, and they actually use the dancers and the camera really strategically to not put much focus on them.

the only real standout issue is the blacklight/contortionist moment, which is too gimmicky for me and doesn’t fit the rest of the theme. i do understand the purpose of them: you need a transition point from the upper deck to the more fantastical inner ship area, and blacklight paint is a really easy, cheap, and fast way to get four new costumes instantly. do i think they could have done something better though? yes.

set

this was actually a smart reuse of that pirate ship set. i know i clowned on them in the first stage that they could move on from the pirate gimmick but honestly? i’m glad they didn’t. this was fun as fuck. but also two stages was enough you can move on now.

i love how they actually used the weird double stage function that the false prosc creates for an actual architectural and narrative effect, instead of just sort of operating as though it’s just another place to travel just because you can. we are on the deck of the ship, and then we go inside the ship. it’s simple and effective. you don’t need to do a crazy amount of crossover to establish a dynamic sense of place.

i hate the ateez kingdom logo. i hate the ateez logo in general. get it out of there, at least you could have made something more fun and pirate themed.

would have loved to have seen them return to the hourglass at the end, especially if they got one that was specifically set for 4 minutes. would have been a nice bit of symmetry but i suspect it was struck before the kraken bit.

the kraken bit??? i was not at all expecting that and honestly? dope as hell. that big tentacle is just a custom inflatable santa claus that you see around christmastime and what a brilliant use of such a simple mechanic, especially to have it come through that weird little triangle arch they have upstage. smart way to use the existing architecture.

yes it is a gimmick but here’s why it works rather than just looks tacky like every other gimmick we’ve seen so far: it had a function within the narrative. this is so important. show us there’s a reason it’s there!

lighting

i didn’t love it but they did actually make some smart choices. the outer deck is warmer toned and has some good atmospheric effects, and the inner deck is cold tone and specifically lit with pin lights to imitate the light coming through portholes in an actual ship, which is so smart thank you lighting designer

also a very clear arc with the lighting, blue -> orange -> blue/red -> orange/multiple -> blue

sound

i actually kinda liked this remix? it fit theme and had a very clear dramatic arc. also i like wonderland, so sue me.

staging

WE DID IT, WE FINALLY GOT A CLEAR NARRATIVE FROM AT LEAST ONE GROUP! wonderland was actually a great choice for them because it’s a really good indicator of exactly how hungry they are. i was a bit worried that it would fall flat because it kinda rides on mingi but they actually pulled it off. i have literally no idea where they pulled all that energy from but holy shit you can practically lick the attitude off the screen. i’m also very impressed by the amount of information they managed to fit into that four minute narrative. we had a full conflict/climax/resolution, as well as a really clear understanding of the tenacity and drive of the group, as well as the desire to support one another in achieving their goals. bravo.

ok so like i said in the set section, they used that pirate ship bridge really effectively to create two different but connected spaces. this is a really smart way to make it seem like you have two spaces while having to only build one set. it was also one of the best ways to utilize this dumbass stage so it doesn’t just look like you’re running arbitrarily from area to area because you can.

also levels! levels are so important for staging but also hard to do in this context because you have to be able to move really quickly in and out of full group formation, but I think they did a really good job here.

continued point: the kraken arm worked because it was the conflict they needed to overcome in the narrative, so it had a function within the performance. also related: all the tricking and jumping also served a purpose within the narrative too. it was either used for fighting (yeosang kicking all those dancers on beat) or a demonstration of teamwork (jongho flinging yunho around on the floor). also frankly excellent use of choreographic formation with the backup dancers, each formation had a specific function and was meant to highlight ateez without being overbearing.

not a whole lot of camera choreo, but a fairly good long take at the beginning and the editing wasn’t too obnoxious which I think was more chance than intent, but i’m not gonna look a gift kraken in the beak.

sf9

i actually really liked this stage, and i really like that sf9 has established their colour as effortlessly elegant, which does set them apart from the rest of the groups. this stage was really choreographically complex and they made it seem so easy, so real props to them. however, like with ikon’s stage, there were a lot of good ideas that just weren’t followed through enough for me.

like ateez, song choice and theme were very well intertwined with this one, there was a lot of thought put into this stage. the pun with ‘jealous’ and ‘jilleosseo’ and having a fairytale/magic mirror narrative? fuckin GALAXY BRAINED. incredible. the implication that not only taeyang but the entire group is the evil queen from snow white? chef’s kiss. should have committed harder and put one of them in massive cloak à la king taemin mama 2020. instead it was subtle enough to not try to step on ateez’s schlocky camp toes but still just as serious and i love that. do i wish they pushed it farther though? also yes.

costume

not gonna lie, i had my reservations on the costumes when we saw the previews of them in the waiting room, but the thing about stage costumes is that they always look bad when not on stage. if they look good in the waiting room you’ve done something wrong. and i loved them on stage. big fan of that quilted vest/pseudo stomacher. please can we have a corset trend? y’all already adopted bondage harnesses, c’mon a little corset won’t hurt. also a good example of a modern spin on a recognizable genre.

i wish the backup dancers weren’t in all black but i am fighting single person battle against the entire entertainment industry on that one.

set

extremely simple with a few smart utilizations. had a feeling this might have been a budget thing, as it had a similar kind of vibe with ikon’s stage, but the use of the mirrors was smart and a fun device that served the purpose of the narrative.

working with mirrors on stage is really fucking hard, so kudos to them for giving it a go. for the most part it was pretty effective. especially with the combo of moving mirrors and moving lights AND moving camera, you’re kind of asking to either blind your audience or at least give them a headache. i once saw a production of the magic flute that had a rotating mirror setpiece and i swear i nearly went blind due to the constantly flashing reflections. you have to really be careful with directionality and reflection, especially with the added element of a camera. also you never use real glass mirrors on stage, it is unbelievably bad luck and theatre people are the most superstitious demographic on the fucking planet.

i kinda loved the draped gold dais. i have nothing else to say about it other than fun!

lighting

a lot of this was very weirdly lit and i’m not sure why. the quality on youtube is terrible and cameras already have trouble picking up detail in low light, and throwing a whole bunch of primary red over that (the colour with the longest wavelength and therefore disappears the easiest in the dark. also human eyes are not very good at distinguishing variations in the red spectrum) and the red costumes made it extremely difficult to tell what was happening.

i will give them props for dramatic lighting usage, especially for the two way mirror trick and for using the floor as a primary lighting source at the end, which i think groups should be using more of. how often do you have a lighting source in your floor!!! almost never!! use that opportunity!!

sound

i actually enjoyed this remix too. it was well suited to the dramatic nature of the stage. i think the sound byte at the beginning is ‘mirror mirror on the wall who’s the worthiest of them all’ but it also could be ‘who’s the worst of them all’ and that would be also fitting and kinda funny.

staging

again, not a lot of consideration for camera choreo in a meaningful way, and like the tbz stage I think the clarity in the actual choreo got hampered by the editing. because there was a lot of choreographic precision that went into making this work and it wasn’t totally obvious from the way mnet edited it.

a lot of them are actors so it works that they’re leaning more towards dramatic stages rather than the sort of performance type stages we’ve seen so far. i like this choice for them as it gives them a very obvious colour but they’re almost on the verge of making it look too easy, which does them some injustice.

next to ateez, using that long uninterrupted traverse was my favourite use of this stage. doubles as an easy way to build the atmosphere of a palace corridor/throne room with the rug, and to feed the drama of the piece.

skz

ok i have some…..things to say about this stage. so far i have not been kind to skz which makes me look like i hate them and i don’t, i promise. there were a lot of really interesting things happening in this stage and there some really successful ones, and i liked this a whole lot better than their intro stage, but their overall choreo and thematic dedication is really killing me. i’ll explain.

costume

I don’t hate them but also…….why? I got the good self vs evil self/internal struggle theme but the costumes don’t really have anything interesting to say about that. as far as modern style costuming goes i think they’re on the more interesting end, but they don’t push it far enough. there’s a few western art history visual motifs and honestly? they should have gone whole hog and whited out their faces/hair and made them look like classical sculptures. that would have been hella fun, especially with that little statue and marionette sequence, plus the shadow/leash manipulation.

this time it was actually intentional that the backup dancers were in blacks and i appreciate that.

why on EARTH did they have that ridiculous makeup that didn’t read on stage? theatre makeup and tv makeup are different, you can’t just do a light purple eyeshadow and expect to read under blue and red light. someone needs to bring an actual theatre makeup artist in and get these boys in some real crazy looks. see previous point about full-face white pancake. more extreme makeup please and thank you!

set

i liked the use of internal architecture within this massive weird stage space and they used the corridors quite well. i didn’t really like the mix of baroque scrolling and also graffiti, it wasn’t quite connected for me. this has been a common theme among this round and i think it comes from budget/props pulls rather than anything else.

also there was a distinct feeling of trying to fill the main stage space with bodies as opposed to atmosphere. this can work in some specific cases but the intent wasn’t strong enough for me. it just felt like a lot of people on stage, especially in the end choreo.

lighting

the general lighting was fine but not particularly inspired. the low light in the beginning was actually quite well done, especially combined with the fog, but in my opinion was not dramatic enough. you have a pseudo art history theme happening, pump that contrast and push the chiaroscuro!

ok stay with me, i’m gonna say something extremely controversial that might actually get me cancelled. s*per j*unior’s burn the floor did everything this stage was trying to do on a smaller scale and better. look i know ok, this is a like, a double atom bomb hot take. just forget everything you know about them and watch the performance video. tell me that’s not some of the most interesting choreo you’ve seen in kpop. if you’re going to work with practical light you need to COMMIT. not just steal the solar lanterns out of my mom’s back garden.

i have a lot of opinions on using practical light and alternate light sources in performance because it’s a huge part of my practice and this just....wasn’t interesting enough for me. push it further!

(I will wait for the subs on the full episode because there has to be a reason they chose that specific shape of lamp. if not i gotta ask jyp why he’s raiding my mom’s garden)

sound

god’s menu has such specific imagery associated within the lyrics and choreography that this stage was a bit dissonant for me. especially when seen in conjunction with two stages where the narrative was tied explicitly to the lyrics of the songs. i think maybe if it hadn’t been grouped with these other two stages i would have felt differently. the other groups chose to do songs were a little more abstract and allowed for more visual experimentation, but to go so blatantly against the food metaphor didn’t really work for me and i had a tough time divorcing the association. I found the arrangement to be a little lacking in energy for me towards the end but otherwise it was pretty interesting.

staging

Definitely a better performance overall that the intro stage. almost all of the gimmicks this time had relevance to the theme which i appreciated. the marionette bit and the shadow/mirror were probably the most interesting but i wish they were better lit.

 there was a lot of back and forth in the blocking that made the stage feel repetitive and also aimless? like there wasn’t a very clearly established directionality within the internal space, so it felt like treading over the same ground for no purposeful reason. and again, not a lot of intentional camerawork.

i really liked having the dancers under the big sheet, it fit well enough within the ‘war between internal selves’ theme, but also had a loose tie to the art imagery. again, i really wish they had stuck to a clearer visual theme. it makes them stick out especially in this grouping of stages, but also across all the groups as whole because almost everyone had a clear(ish) visual idea.

holy shit that’s a lot of backup dancers. i don’t really feel like that many were necessary and the sheer number of them took away from the emphasis of the group. with all of the other stages (except for tbz) it was very clear who the centre of attention and emphasis was, and with both skz and tbz they got swallowed by the sheer scale they were trying to operate at. bigger is not always better.

---

this is a tough round to rank because none of these stages are bad, there’s just some that are, in my opinion, more successful than others. all of these stages do very well in specific elements but fall short in others which also makes this ranking difficult. i’m evaluating these based on whether they were successful to me, as i’m pretty sure this ranking will probably not all be popular opinion, but whatever i like to live on the edge.

btob – visuals, vocals, narrative, swords? what more do you want me to say? also i watched the full episode and minhyuk did rehearsal with a real bokken and i think i am in love with him now.

ateez – honestly not sure if i would have ranked this first if that high note hadn’t been a mess. i love camp nonsense and i genuinely think this was a well designed stage. i can’t believe i keep saying that but it’s true.

sf9 – this stage was really solid, just could have been pushed farther. i think it has a really good sense of drama and it’s a pity that sf9’s colour is more subdued, because i think they’re going to be stuck around the 3rd/4th position for the rest of the show.

ikon – ikon is only ranking this high because although i am disappointed in the wasted potential of this stage, they NAILED the camerawork and actually brought in someone to block the steadicam into the choreo. also they’re incredible performers. i say this every time, but their stage presence, although maybe lower energy that they normally would be, is still not to be fucked with.

skz – i think this one is the most ‘meh’ for me. while i liked a lot of the elements here they just didn’t push it far enough and the lack of narrative and general aimless choreo led to me not having any strong feelings yea or nay.

tbz – to be quite honest the lack of costume unity is a big hit for me. all elements of design are equally as important but because of my personal practice and experience i tend to put a lot of weight on good costume and spatial design. i don’t actually like game of thrones also, so I feel mildly offended on behalf of michele clapton, who had did a fucking incredible job and doesn’t deserve to be slandered like this. also the lack of cohesive choreography and the overblown lighting made this difficult to watch, no matter how good i thought the rear projection/stretch fabric dance was.

 any questions or opinions you wanna share hit me up! see you next week!

[bellakitse]

The Forever Tamales

“Marriage Tamales?” he asks, confused, his heart ticking upward as the sisters nod and smirk at him and Carlos.

They start to explain the significance of the special dish. Every word they utter makes his heart race as he tries to come to terms with the fact that Carlos made him a dish so important to his family.

* A companion piece to 'The Marriage Tamales' from TK's POV

30 days of Tarlos - Day 11

TK Strand is not all that sure how they ended up here.

They get a house call in the evening, a small kitchen fire that they put out quickly with not much damage to the kitchen itself. The four women in the house, a mother and her three adult daughters, are perfectly fine, no smoke inhalation according to Nancy and Tim. That should be the end of it. They should have packed their gear, wish the family well, and headed back to the firehouse.

Instead, his crew members are in the living room eating chicken empanadas and drinking horchata while he inspects the kitchen for the third time to make sure he hasn’t missed anything. He tells himself he would do it for anyone they helped; it has nothing to do with finding out who’s part of this family, not at all.

It doesn’t take long for him and the rest of the crew to realize the four women are related to Carlos Reyes. Not only does Nancy mention having tagged along with Michelle to the house before for a cookout, but there are pictures of the family on all the walls, in just about all of them he sees Carlos’ beautiful smiling face as he’s surrounded by equally attractive women. The Reyes clan is unfairly pretty.

“You’ve already checked the stove three times.”

TK turns around from his inspection to find Mrs. Reyes looking at him curiously.

“And that’s after your captain already checked it and gave the all-clear,” she continues, raising an eyebrow at him. “Is something wrong?”

“No, Mrs. Reyes,” he assures her quickly with a shake of his head. “I’m just airing on the side of caution, but I assure you nothing is wrong – well, except that you’ll have to replace the stove.”

“I’m pretty sure my oldest was already ordering a new one before the fire was even out,” she says with a chuckle. “The wonders of technology, and it’s Carlota, sweetheart, not Mrs. Reyes, got it?”

“I can’t promise that ma’am,” he says with a small wince when she shoots him a look.

Carlota narrows her eyes at him for all of a second before she’s smiling again. “Handsome, polite, a firefighter and with those pretty green eyes of yours,” she shakes her head, the smile on her face very familiar to one that makes his heart skip on a daily basis. “You’re just a mother’s dream, aren’t you, TK.”

TK blushes at her compliments, earning another laugh from her.

“I have a single daughter, you know,” she says with a twinkle in her eye that in turn has him chuckling.

“All three of your daughters are very beautiful,” TK says with a grin, amused by the way she nods in agreement. “But I play for the other team,” he continues.

“Then you’re in luck because I also have a beautiful son,” Carlota tells him without missing a beat, and TK has to bite down on his lip to keep from blurting out something embarrassing like the fact that he knows her beautiful son intimately.

Luckily he’s saved from having to say anything by the front door opening with a bang that is quickly followed by loud voices.

“That would be said son,” Carlota says dryly with a roll of her eyes. “Come, let's go see what has his underwear in a twist.”

TK follows her out because he doesn’t think Carlota will take his racing heart as an excuse to hide out in her ruined kitchen. They walk into the living room just in time to find Carlos staring down his sisters and the rest of the 126.

“I’m going to ask one more time, and I expect an answer,” he says sternly, his voice making TK’s insides clench as his mind runs with seriously inappropriate thoughts to have in front of his not boyfriend's family. “What the fuck is happening here, and is everyone okay?”

Carlota rolls her eyes at him again, shaking her head as she mutters under her breath about overdramatic children. TK covers his mouth with his hand to keep from letting out a snort.

She clears her throat before speaking. “Everyone is fine, Carlitos, which is more than I can say for you if you curse in my house one more time, Nene.”

TK watches as Carlos turns around, eyes wide and worried as he focuses on his mother, obviously not noticing him yet. He stands back as Carlos pulls the small woman to his chest tenderly, asking her if she’s okay and that his sister told him about the fire.

It sets off the family for a moment before Carlota lets out a huff as she turns back to him, drawing everyone's attention, including Carlos’ to him.

He stands there feeling awkward as Carlos runs his gaze over him, his face a little pink; it probably matches his, he feels hot in the face too.

“Hey, Carlos,” he says, trying to keep his smile neutral when he feels anything but. Carlos has a way of turning his insides into jelly with just a look, and the more time he spends with him – in and out of his bed – the harder it gets for TK to ignore all the feelings the man in front of him creates.

“TK, tell my Carlitos that everything is fine,” Carlota nudges him with her elbow, that twinkle from the kitchen back in her eyes. It eases some of his sudden nervousness, and he can’t help but grin in amusement as she continues babying Carlos with her endearments. The way it makes Carlos blush is adorable.

“The stove caught fire,” he starts, holding up his hand quickly when Carlos looks at his mother in distress. “It’s all good, we put it out and checked-out your mom and sisters,” he continues, sparing a look to the rest of the family. “Everyone is fine, and there’s not much damage, though the stove will have to be replaced.”

“See, the handsome firefighter says everything is fine. You can stop worrying now, mijo,” Carlota tells Carlos indulgently before turning back to him. “You’ve met my son before, TK?”

TK can’t help the growing grin on his face as he nods. “Yes, ma’am. Carlos and I know each other from work, he’s an excellent officer.”

“And handsome?” she continues knowingly, and this time TK can’t help but chuckle at her matchmaking ways.

“He certainly makes some of the calls we’ve been on way prettier,” he whispers teasingly as he leans in close to her, entertained by the way she lights up. It’s almost as amusing as the deep uncensored groan Carlos lets out as he heads back to his sisters on the couch, ignoring his mother when she speaks again.

“She zeroed in on him the second she saw his eyes, kid,” one of Carlos’ sisters informs him dryly. Carlos answers by shaking his head as he takes an empanada another sister offers him.

“Of course she did, Mami likes green eyes,” Carlos grumbles around a mouthful as all three of his sisters nod in agreement.

TK blushes as he gets what they mean, he knows a matchmaking scheme when he sees one, especially if they involve him. The rest of his crew needs explaining though, and Carlos’ sisters seem more than willing to clarify as they tell them their mother is trying to set Carlos up with him.

It sets off all four Reyes women as they talk over each other. He ignores them and instead focuses on the one Reyes that truly matters to him. Walking around Carlota, he goes to Carlos’ side, smiling at him in what he hopes is a reassuring way as he looks back at him embarrassed.

Carlos smiles back at him, still a little red in the face but not too bad. It makes TK’s hands itch; he wants to reach out and reassure Carlos in other ways, with his hands and mouth, he wants to whisper in his ear that everything is fine before pressing his lips to that spot under his jaw that always makes Carlos sigh beautifully.

He takes an empanada when Carlos offers it to him; it’s either that, or cave in to the urge and touch Carlos.

Taking a bite, he can’t help the moan of appreciation he lets out. Holy fuck, are all the Reyes good with food?

“Oh my god, that’s delicious,” he gets out around another mouthful.

“No wonder you’re such a good cook, you got it from your mom,” he tells him, and TK instantly knows he’s made a mistake by the way the room goes quiet as Carlos stares back at him with large eyes.

“Carlos has cooked for you?” one of Carlos’ sisters with pretty curly hair asks him, and even he can hear the elation in her voice as she throws Carlos a wicked grin.

“Mmhmm,” he says, taking another bite nervously. He continues even though there is a little voice in his head telling him to stop and hide as all four women stare at him. He tells them about fish and pasta dishes, knowing he’s probably revealing more than he should about his relationship with Carlos. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see his dad and the others hanging on every word.

“He also made me some tamales to die for,” he tells them.

The second the words are out; he watches as four pairs of brown eyes widen dramatically. “He said it was your recipe, ma’am,” he turns to Carlota with a smile, hoping to please her.

She lets out a squeak that startles him when he tells her she taught Carlos well, looking at him like he just told her she won a million dollars; her eyes sparkle with happiness.

“You made this pretty little gringo our mother’s marriage tamales?” one of Carlos’ other sisters asks, staring at Carlos in amazement.

It sets off the other two sisters, one asks about a wedding, while the one who first asked if Carlos cooked for him scoffs before asking if they’re adopting or going with surrogacy. They all sound incredulous and amused as they poke at Carlos, but all TK can focus on is the first comment.

“Marriage Tamales?” he asks, confused, his heart ticking upward as the sisters nod and smirk at him and Carlos.

They start to explain the significance of the special dish. Every word they utter makes his heart race as he tries to come to terms with the fact that Carlos made him a dish so important to his family.

He turns to look at Carlos, his heart pounding under his chest at the urgent look on Carlos’ face as he looks back at him scared.

“Tyler, I – “ Carlos starts, and TK hates how worried he sounds. He tries to reassure him that it’s okay when he hears his father’s gasp.

Turning his head to him, he finds his dad staring at him with his mouth open. “He called you by your name.”

“Dad,” he hisses out in warning, blushing when his dad just shakes his head.

“He knows your first name, TK,”  he says, his eyes bugging out. “He knows it and just used it. Does he know what the K stands for too?”

“Yes,” Carlos starts. “It’s – “

TK turns back to him, placing a hand over his mouth in a panic. “Don't you dare, Carlos Reyes,” he hisses, his heart fluttering when Carlos gives him a playful grin.

“I didn't realize using your name was such a big deal,” Carlos teases him, and as much as it wakes up parts inside TK, he hasn’t forgotten the recent conversation.

“Marriage tamales, Reyes,” he reminds him, feeling a sense of satisfaction as Carlos swallows hard and nods at him.

“So, you’re dating?” Mateo asks innocently, which is more than he can say for the rest of his crew and the Reyes sisters as he looks at them to find smirks on all their faces. They all look way too knowing for his taste.

“We’re – “ he starts only to trail off when he doesn’t have an answer.

He turns back to Carlos and finds that he’s already looking back at him. There is a bit of that earlier apprehension in his eyes, but like always, there is also so much tenderness, his brown eyes shine with affection. It makes something in TK’s throat catch to know it’s for him. Carlos cares about him in a way that leaves him breathless. It scared him at first, but now he craves it with every cell in his being as he feels the same for him.

He’s not sure what Carlos reads on his face, maybe every longing feeling he has for him but has been trying to keep under wraps, but whatever it is, it makes Carlos smile gently at him.

“We're not, not dating,” Carlos answers more to him than anyone else in the room. It’s not much in terms of words, and yet it means everything at the same time, and he finds himself letting out a shaky breath at the unspoken promise.

“I'm sorry, but that is young people speak for what exactly?” Carlota asks, confused.

While he and Carlos might be coming to an understanding in their changing relationship, it’s obviously not clear to her.

“It means Carlitos has been hitting it with the gringo, but not putting a label on it, Mami,” he hears one of Carlos’ sisters say behind him, his face instantly going red at her words. “He's been doing a whole lot of sinning, but it also seems like he wants to bring this cutie into the family.”

Carlos narrows his eyes, reluctantly breaking his gaze from him to look at his sister. He makes a pointed comment about a girl named Leticia that sets the whole family off again.

As they bicker amusingly amongst themselves, TK watches as his father strategically starts to get their team out of the line of fire, until he’s the only one that remains in the house. He stares at Carlos while his sisters and mother continue going at it behind him.

“We’ll talk later?” he questions hopefully, letting out a gasp when instead of answering him, Carlos pulls him into a soft kiss. He feels Carlos start to pull back, but he holds on to him, deepening the kiss until he feels Carlos melt into it.

“I finish my shift in three hours,” he murmurs, his mouth still close to Carlos’, he doesn’t want to pull away from him.

Carlos nods, his forehead bumping into his softly. “Come by after; I'll be home.”

He smiles in agreement before turning around to find all four Reyes women watching them intently. He lets out an awkward laugh as he makes his way towards the front door, thanking them for their hospitality. His laughter turns more genuine when Carlota tells him she better see him soon.

Looking back at Carlos, his heart flutters once again with hope; he smiles at her as he nods. “I'll make sure it happens, ma'am.”

 ֍֍֍

 The ride back to the firehouse is filled with loaded silence as he ignores all the pointed looks his friends sent his way. He knows they’re all itching to discuss what just happened, but somehow manage to stay quiet. He admires their restraint. His father, however, has no such self-control, and the moment they get off the truck, he heads for his office, asking him to follow.

He turns back to his crew for a moment, rolling his eyes when they all flash him smiles and a couple of mocking thumbs up before snickering to themselves as he walks away.

He closes the door of his father’s office before he sits down across from him, staring at him as his dad stares back, waiting to see who will break. He can’t help but smile when it’s his father who caves.

“So that was interesting back there,” his father starts, and TK feels his grin grow at his attempt at casual.

“Yep,” he nods, raising an eyebrow when his father rolls his eyes at him.

“That’s it?” he questions. “That’s all you’re going to say?”

“I’m still processing what happened,” he answers, dropping the smirk. His heart is still doing somersaults from everything he learned back at the Reyes’ household and what it means for him and Carlos.

The man made him a meal that holds a whole lot of importance to his family. A meal two of his sisters have only made for the men they ended up marrying, that’s how significant those tamales are to the Reyes, and yet Carlos made them for him when they haven’t even agreed on the status of their relationship.

He doesn’t know what it means; he only knows what he wants it to mean.

His father must read that on his face because his expression softens, he stands from behind his desk and comes to sit down next to him.

“Do you like him?” he questions even though he already knows the answer. TK nods anyway. “A lot?”

He nods again. “A whole lot,” he whispers, blushing as his father grins at him. “He sends my heart racing, and I’m so happy when I’m with him, I just want to be with him all the time.”

“Well, that’s good,” Owen starts, still grinning as he leans in closer to whisper to him. “Because I’m pretty sure he proposed to you with food.”

TK gives his dad a hard look; it makes Owen laugh so hard he finds himself smiling reluctantly.

“If it counts for anything,” he says, still chuckling. “I like the guy for you, TK.”

He raises an eyebrow at that. It’s no secret his father has never really warmed up to any of his boyfriends. He accepted Alex because TK was adamant about making it work with him, but he never truly cared for him.

“Why?” he can’t help but ask.

“Because of the way you look at each other,” he answers instantly, a kind smile on his face. “There was a moment tonight when it became obvious that there was no one else in the room but you two. I have never seen you look at any of your boyfriend’s that way, and I have always waited to see someone look back at you the same. Carlos does.”

TK swallows hard at his father’s words, knowing there’s nothing but the truth behind them. He’s never felt the way he feels when he’s with Carlos, and Carlos hasn’t once hidden his feelings from him, they are right there for TK to see every time he looks into his eyes.

Owen smiles again, shaking his head softly at him. “Why don’t you go help wash the truck and then cut out of here early. I’m sure you and your boyfriend have a lot to talk about.”

TK stands, letting out a huff of laughter when his father stands too and pulls him into a tight hug.

“I’m happy for you, son,” Owen says quietly into his shoulder. TK hugs him back tighter. “But if you can give me a heads up when you get engaged to Carlos again, I would appreciate it.”

TK rolls his eyes as he lets him go and heads for the door, his father’s laughter following him as he goes.

 ֍֍֍

 TK arrives at Carlos’ apartment twenty minutes after leaving the firehouse, his ridiculous friends cheering him on as he got into the uber.

He knocks on the door, nervous but hopeful, his heart jumping when Carlos opens the door with a gentle smile on his face.

“Hey,” he says quietly, stepping to the side to let him in, but TK can’t come in any further without touching him first.

He steps into his space, his eyes running over every beautiful feature of Carlos’ face.

Carlos looks back at him in such a way that it almost knocks him back, and he’s reminded of his father’s earlier comment. He’s right, no one, not even Alex, has ever looked at him the way Carlos does.

He closes the distance between their mouths, hearing Carlos’ sigh right before their lips touch, he swallows a sound of his own as Carlos wraps his arms around his waist. He lets himself get lost in the kiss, pouring every feeling he has into it as Carlos presses him against the door, holding him like he’s too precious to let go. The kiss is long and deep, the kind of kiss that doesn’t just steal your breath, but also your heart as the other person takes ownership of it.

“The marriage tamales, Carlos,” he says urgently, he needs to know that Carlos wants his heart. “What do they mean?”

Carlos takes a sharp breath, closing his eyes as he presses his forehead against his. He can feel him slightly shake under his fingertips.

 “It means I want to be yours, and you be mine,” Carlos opens his eyes; the love in them makes TK’s eyes sting.  “It means that I want what I have wanted from the moment I met you.”

“What’s that?” he whispers back, in awe of the man in front of him.

“A chance to love you the way you deserve,” Carlos answers, smiling tenderly at him when he gasps. “If you let me, I’ll love you the way you should always be loved, Tyler. Entirely and with my whole heart.”

TK sniffs, trying to keep the tears at bay. “What if I don’t deserve that?” 

Carlos shakes his head, looking angry for a moment.

“I’ve never heard a bigger untruth in my life; you deserve everything good this world has to offer,” he tells him firmly.

TK doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve someone like Carlos who loves him, it’s clear now, but he’s grateful.

“I’m not saying I’m the best thing that will ever happen to you,” he continues quickly, wiping away the tears that have slipped down his face.  

God, TK loves this man right back.

“All I can say is that I’ll treat you like you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me because you are,” Carlos tells him urgently. “We aren’t even together, and you already are.”

TK closes his eyes for a moment as more happy tears spill; he’s so in love he thinks he’ll burst from it.

“When your sisters said that the tamales are only for people you guys think are special and love,” he starts with a shaky smile as Carlos looks at him lovingly. “I wanted that. I want to be special to you, loved by you. I want it so bad, Carlos. I think I have wanted it from the start, and it scared the fuck out of me,” he says, taking a breath before continuing. “It still scares me.”

He places a hand over Carlos’ heart, a wet laugh passing his lips as Carlos covers his hand with his. This is what he wants, to love Carlos and be loved by him.

“But I want it more than it scares me,” he tells him honestly, he’s never been more sure of anything in his life.

He tells Carlos so when he asks again, smiling at him brightly. He nods, laughing softly with joy before Carlos covers his mouth with a soft kiss. It grows heated and passionate as they blindly make their way to the bedroom, removing articles of clothing along the way in their desperate need to bask in their newfound love. They spend the night whispering the word into each other’s skin as they make love.

  ֍֍֍

 In the morning they’ll get a call from Carlos’ older sister, they’ll get invited back to the house for brunch. He’ll get Carlota a gift both meant to be helpful and tease her. It will earn the respect of Carlos’ sisters as they grin at him in delight. Even Carlota will give into her reluctant amusement as she thanks him for the small home extinguisher.

They’ll eat as Carlos’ family teases them both with affection, and through it all, TK will smile with the knowledge that this moment is only just the beginning because he finally understands what the marriage tamales mean.

Carlos kept his promise to his mother; he made the tamales for who he wants to spend forever with, and that’s what they have.

Forever.

[atxlxs]

Beyond The Veil: Chapter 6

A glance at the time told Eras that Muska was still stuck in the meeting. Unsurprisingly, but also disappointing. She had hoped the meeting would go faster so Muska would get home an hour ago. She really wanted to get food started so she could relax, the nerves of Musa going to a highschool had eaten at her all day.

Great, she was starting to sound like an actual mother.

*sigh*

Pulling out her phone, Eras opened the phone app and pressed call on Muska’s contact. Conveniently titled ‘parasite’. It rang for a total of 3 times before it clicked, suddenly two voices flooded through the phone. One, that was Muska, the other was definitely Nedzu. So the witch put her on speaker phone. Nedzu was probably trying to get her to answer more questions then they agreed to answer.

The chirpy “I wouldn’t want to keep you from your meal but if I may inquire, is your guardian real or not? I know you're older than most of us but as you said you are a minor for your kind. We would like to get you in a safe environment for the time you spend learning here and research revealed nothing but a name, Viridis Eras if I remember correctly.” was surprisingly soft and sounded genuinely sincere.

Maybe, Eras wouldn’t have to worry constantly about her friend.

“I am very much a real person, Nedzu.” She said simply, her voice coming across smooth and melodic. The other side of the line went dead quiet. It almost made her chuckle but she refrained. Intimidation was hard to maintain through giggles.

“Hey Eras, what's up?” Muska asked, a hint of relief in her voice. Ah, Nedzu definitely was trying to pry more details out of her.

“The person that actually needs to eat physical food is not in my house to eat it. Since school ended 2 hours ago and my parasite wasn’t here yet despite me stating it was a pasta night, I got worried.” Eras responded, ignoring the soft “actually need to eat?” from the background of the call.

She wasn’t lying. After school had ‘released’ she had been checking the clock every 10 minutes. Anxiety over what could be happening kept her from focusing so she had sat down on the couch and glared at the fireplace for the entire 2 hours.

So what if she was overly worried, and for nothing it seemed? She has had bad experiences and experience is always the best teacher.

“Awe, was my sugar mommy worried about me?” Muska said, her tone teasing and Eras could pick up the faint sounds of choking from the other side of the line. Of course she would throw that term around in front of others.

“You wish, gremlin child.”

“Old woman.”

“Bitch witch”

“What kind of pasta?”

“Spaghetti, homemade, and with a homemade roasted garlic seasoned meat sauce. As well as a salad but Who knows if you’ll have the appetite for it. It’ll be there though.” Eras had gotten up at this point and was shuffling around the kitchen. “Will you need a ride home?”

“Nah, Nedzu is practically vibrating in his place at the thought of another veil member, which he has correctly hypothesized you are, and would most definitely stalk the gate for you.” Muska returned, amusement bleeding into her tone as Eras caught snorts from around the room she was in.

Suddenly, a cough snapped her attention back to the conversation as said rat cleared his throat.

“As amusing as this is, Before you leave would I be able to ascertain who or what you are? Considering the age of the witch present, for her to address you as ‘old woman’ I assume you must be someone who has lived far longer.” Nedzu stated, interest coating his words.

Before she could respond someone in the back of the room, a gruff voice that was deep as fuck holy shit, spoke up with a warning present in his voice.

“Nedzu, I don’t believe interrogating them will get you any of your answers.” the voice said, agitation and resignation in his tone. He was probably well versed in Nedzu.

“Thanks Aizawa-sensei.” Muska said, a little choppy on the sensei but that was expected honestly. Well, nice to know the name of the voice. However, Eras wanted to make the rat suffer a bit. He spent a few hours interrogating so she might as well dangle an interesting opportunity in his face and not allow him to reach for it.

“Yes thank you Aizawa-san, I don't mind telling you what race I am , Nedzu. I am also much older than the teen witch in front of you at the moment. Yet, alas,” she said with faux disappointment and sorrow, “I seem to be needed somewhere else. The pot that hasn’t even begun to boil yet is very threatening to me so I simply must end the call here. See you at home bestie.”

With a response of “You got it bestie.” the line clicked and went dead. Snickering to herself as she finally started the stove.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aizawa Shouta has had several revelations as the day passed. First of all, the broken bone boy was very determined to keep his place in the heroics class. He’s going to be a problem child, he has a sixth sense for them at this point. Secondly, one of his students is an enigma. She looks to be a bit older than 16, maybe 17, yet is over 2 and a half fucking centuries old. When he had first come across the term ‘beyond the veil’ he knew there were probably things that far surpassed humans in different areas but that old? That counts as a teen?

With a heavy sigh, Shouta sat through one of the wildest faculty meetings he had the displeasure of being forced to attend. That was saying something considering his employer was Nedzu. Granted, he wouldn’t have skipped this one anyways when knowing answers to the veil would be given. Understandably, not all of the answers, but now they had a firm idea about what actually lived beyond it. Also understandably, the new information was perplexing. Shouta wouldn’t touch any more information with a ten foot pole until whatever he was just given was processed.

As Viridis left the room, thankfully less chaotic than when she had entered, Shouta let out a sigh of relief. He rubbed his hands down his face and contemplated what he just heard. Finally, they had an overall summary of the types of races present in the veil and a somewhat structured hierarchy that would have to be explained further at some point in case they stumbled into the veil now but that could wait.

Shouta shivered as he remembered how oppressing the air had gotten in the room during Viridis’s talk about the forgotten. He had met hardened villains that had less presence and conviction then she did during her rant. They would need to hear about the taboos as well, he really didn’t want to be branded thank you very much.

Luckily, the goblin of a teen did actually have a guardian that existed. (No ‘Zashi, his jaw was firmly in place and had not dropped when the person spoke, even if it did that was warranted because he's sure he saw even nemuri marvel at how smooth it was, and no he did not snicker when they obviously baited Nedzu.) They wouldn’t have to worry about finding a place for them to stay safely while attending their school. This brought up some new considerations though. Groaning he slammed his head onto the table dramatically, the other teachers swiveling their heads to snap their gaze to him.

“Nedzu, she’s probably already done with the general education curriculum. If we don’t find a way to occupy her, we’ll have to deal with whatever chaos she makes to entertain herself while bored in class.”

All the teachers nodded in agreement. Fear flashing through their eyes at the idea. The flashy pro’s were unusually subdued after that showing. Whether from the presence of something completely unknown to them that was downright terrifying, or just the way Viridis acted and spoke to Nedzu, Shouta wasn’t sure.

Honestly though? Rat-man was his new favorite nickname to call the chimera in his head, it was stuck and was hilarious.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The morning of the second day of Muska's highschool life, Eras felt off, like something bad was going to happen kind of off.

When she had ‘woken’ from her vegetative state that morning everything just felt wrong. Then as she got up to start the day things just kept happening. None of them were good.

First, she found out that Tibbles had knocked over her higher end coffee grounds. (Accidentally of course, Tibbles may see them as servants but he was smarter than most and knew better than to ruin something a vampire enjoys. Eras could hold a grudge and it isn’t pretty) Next, she was informed that she had 4 business meetings, back to back, since there was a supply disruption and her pseudo-bosses that she pays to handle shit like this were out of their depth and had never experienced this before. Great.

Rushing, Eras made the coffees out of the cheaper brand and it hurt her soul to do it, coffee was sacred, and ran back to the observatory where her closet was to get dressed.

Grabbing out one of her many business related outfits, she threw on the first one she saw and paced over to her full length mirror to adjust it. A forest-pine green silk button down, the top three buttons were left open and a mesh underbust corset tied it together and tucked it into black dress pants. She tugged on black platform heels that came to a stop above her ankles. A charcoal black coat that stopped at ankle length hung off her shoulders. Since fall was starting to approach, the days have gotten cooler so it was there just in case.

Not that she actually felt the cold, she was technically undead, but the aesthetic was important.

A few extra accessories to tie it together, a silver chain necklace and several statement rings that were scattered on both hands along with earring sets, and after fixing her middle part she was done. Black circle sunglasses were grabbed absentmindedly through habit as she left the room. The sun was bright and Eras’s eyes were made for the night.

When she walked back into the kitchen to grab her thermos filled with a caramel macchiato she heard a wolf whistle from the dining table. Spinning around, she noticed Muska staring at her with surprise.

That was warranted, Eras dressed like a gym obsessed hobo most of the time.

“Holy shit, Lookin hot as fuck, Damn bestie. where are you heading to?” Muska said as she idly sipped her coffee while the phone she was scrolling through laid on the table, opened up to some kind of story based on the paragraphs of text she was seeing.

“Thanks, I have 4 business meetings that are emergencies because apparently a food supplier that I relied on had to recall everything, so I have to go down and explain what to do and listen to suggestions all day. I should be done by the time your school gets out so I’ll swing by and pick you up if time favors me.” Eras rambled a bit towards the end while fidgeting with her cup.

She was never able to gracefully accept a compliment outside of a text message, no matter how many years Muska’s been with her and hyping her up. Grabbing her keys, this time to her car and not the motorcycle (no matter how much she loves that bike she doesn’t want her hair ruined before she gets to the meeting, she's about to rip into some people.) She turned to Muska.

“Want a ride there?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

A total of 3 minutes passed as Muska’s sleep-addled brain caught up and she nodded, downing the rest of her coffee like a shot and slipping into her room to change into the uniform.

That was also a new weird thing, Eras was definitely not used to seeing Muska in anything but various black outfits with the occasional color. She missed seeing the edgy outfits and platform heels that were always an unneeded height since Muska was fucking taller than her. (she could change that but she was comfortable with 163cm)

Once Muska came back out, a quick pet to Tibbles given on the way which gave them a meow (Muska immediately glared at the cat. Sadly, Eras was at a loss as to what the cat was saying. Again.) and they both walked out of the door. Despite living on a mountain, they had a stone path that led to a fairly sleek building that blended in with the surrounding trees and mountain terrain. Once inside, parked along the furthest wall and facing the exit were three vehicles. The motorcycle that Eras had driven Muska with on the exam day, a military grade jeep that was blacked out and decked out, and finally, a 1970 volvo. It was a pastel mustard color and belonged to Muska.

Swinging open the door to the Jeep, Eras climbed in and started the car. Opening the garage door with the touch of a button and left the moment Muska was strapped in.

The ride to UA was easy and calm, except for the blaring of Muska’s playlist that Eras didn’t dare tell her to turn down because it was one of her favorite songs and she was loudly singing along. Pulling up a block away from the highschool, Nedzu precaution, Eras waved Muska out of her car and yelled another “KICK ASS WITCH BITCH!” before cackling as she drove away from a very aggressive middle finger from her friend.

Time to go deal with meetings that could have been a conference call.

“I AM-” A loud voice sounded from the hallway, startling Muska from her glare down with PomPom, “COMING THROUGH THE DOORWAY LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!”

That is, not how normal people enter a room what the fuck?

The newest blond in the class stood at around 200 fucking centimeters tall and wore spandex like a second skin. In american colors. Muska had never paid attention to the #1 Pro hero before but the more she looks at this walking american flag the more she’s grateful for not paying attention. Then something caught her attention.

The man had the same leaking weird energy as the twink from the faculty room.

How the hell did the solid brick wall of meat turn into the skeleton of a man she had seen literally yesterday????? Not only that but the leaking energy seemed to travel through the classroom, as if closer to the source of what's gathering it. As she followed the line of energy she noticed it stopped in front of her, going right into greenie….

What did she just stumble upon?

This feels like national secret type shit.

She tuned back in to hear the hero describe the battle trails they would be facing. 2 on 2 battles with full quirk use and indoors with a fucking bomb to locate. Paper mache but still, this was kinda advanced. She did, however, perk up when he mentioned costumes.

That, she was extra excited about.

Despite not really coming to UA for the hero aspect but more of the quirk training aspect, Muska still felt pretty excited about the costume. Also, she would legally be allowed to beat people up as a hero as long as they were classified as criminals or villains. That sounds like a good stress reliever within reason. She wasn’t going to just maul them. That’d be an abuse of power.

After being dismissed to change, Muska ran up to snatch her costume and bolted to the locker room. She had some say in the weapons but Eras had actually taken the time to design the costumes basics in order to cover everything that might be flung after her. It was also a way to help placate her. For some reason Eras had been extra fidgety ever since she started going to school. There were some things she didn’t know about Eras’s past, but she definitely knew that there was some kind of trauma there, and whatever caused it happened in a school setting.

Opening the case, the first thing Muska noticed were the knee high steel reinforced combat boots that had armor built into it to act as knee braces as well. Next to them was a pair of mirror sunglasses that were purple, placed on top of a letter.

[You’re probably wondering about the glasses. I sent them into a support company for a little upgrade to help you out on the field. They're not necessary so if you want to skip wearing them that's fine but at least check out the surprise I’ve added ok?

Kick ass witch bitch

-E.V ]

Placing the sunglasses on her face Muska almost jerked them off in surprise as a cat mascot character appeared on the right side and waved before jumping across the glasses and they powered up, showing an HUD layout. Something said ‘put on suit to connect’ but that was ignored in favor of the other abilities. The right side had facial recognition software and a tracker for things that are marked in view. There was also a marker that she could activate to aim weapons, like a video game. The left had the ‘connect to suit’ warning at the top but underneath that was a mini map of the surrounding area using a fucking satellite. How the fuck?

Taking them off for now, Muska went and picked up her suit to throw on. There were Two layers. First was a black body suit with colored accents that glowed when wanted, right now they were purple but they could change colors. It was Kevlar and another special type of alloy to make it shock resistant, fireproof, frost proof, and immune to knives and bullets. Next, was a cropped hoodie and shorts which stopped at the upper thigh. The cropped hoodie was purple and the hood part of it looked like a witch hat, the long point fashioned after the stereotypical black witch hat.

There was a tactical belt that wrapped around her waist and connected to two belts that wrapped around her thighs below the shorts. The belts that went vertically on the side of her thighs held pockets of medical supplies and smoke bombs. The previous on the left and latter on the right. The belts that were wrapped around her thighs carried the pockets that held her brass knuckles. The belt around her waist held the whip so it dangled while coiled up off her right hip. Slipping on the boots and lacing them up surprisingly quick, the full outfit was on.

Putting on the glasses once more Muska discovered why it said to put on the full suit. At the top left of the sunglasses was a full body scan that continuously displayed her vitals. It was green for now but if she retained injuries it would slowly move between green to yellow to red. Red being critically or fatally injured.

Holy SHIT Eras! This is some Tony Stark shit?!?

Tags:

@baguettehead

[romancingromanoff]

Pride and Joy (Natasha x f!reader)

Author’s note: Pride is first and foremost a celebration we are privileged to have because of the bravery and sacrifices of so many. It was black trans women that lead the Stonewall Riots back in 1969 and yet black trans women remain some of the most vulnerable in our community. We need to step up. I’ve linked some petitions and places where you can donate at the end of this post so please, please, please, don’t ignore them.

Plot: Two gay girls head to Pride and you end up gaining some attention. Also this one is super cheesy but I’ve just got to accept that cheesy is my go-to style ugh. I also used she/her/hers pronouns for this one but if you’d like for me to do gender-neutral or use any other sort of pronouns just let me know and I’d be glad to do so :)

The cafe door swung open again and two new voices came under her radar.

“I’m telling you, every year this is THE spot to pick up cute femme girls.”

“I’m sorry, but did you miss the group of straight white frat boys obnoxiously ingesting natty light across the street?! They’re completely killing the vibe. Honestly, it should be a crime for the straights to show up here.”

“No, that’s the point,” the first person began to explain before lowering their voice to only a few notches above a whisper. “Brad and Chad over there hit on the stray femme girls with the whole ‘Oh, you just haven’t been with the right guy yet’ spiel and then try to convince them that they can change their mind. That’s when we step in, put them in their place, bruise their masculinity a bit, and ba-da-bing ba-da-boom, you’re the hero and you get to sweep her off her feet.”

“Jen, you’re a genius.”

“I know that’s what I’ve been telling you! Now buy me some iced coffee cause I’m broke.”

It was an solid plan that the pair of friends obviously didn’t want anyone else to overhear. Fortunately for them, Natasha couldn’t care less. As she continued to sit there sipping on her tea, no one would suspect that she was a former assassin casually eavesdropping into every individual conversation going on. It was technically her day off, but hey, she had time to kill while she was waiting and not much to entertain herself with. So Natasha silently applauded the two and continued on with her crossword puzzle. 

The parade wasn’t normally her scene, but the redheaded avenger knew she just couldn’t say no to her girlfriend who was ecstatic about her first Pride. 

“Nat, pleeeeeeeassee???” You had begged her all the way up till the night before to go with you. “I was kidding with the matching shirts. You don’t have to wear it, just please come.”

“Fine,” she gave in with a playful roll of her eyes. “But just so you know, it’s going to be crowded, loud, and you’re going to get pretty sweaty. I know you want to wear those rainbow slip-ons Bucky got you for Christmas but please don’t. They offer zero support for your arches.”

Natasha then continued to lecture you on safety 101. Don’t put your phone in your back pocket, blah blah, don’t wear a backpack, blah blah blah. It was a lot to follow just to make sure your paranoid girlfriend didn’t have to worry about you, but you knew it was all out of love. Unfortunately, the one thing you’d forgotten about before leaving the house was going to the bathroom, which is why the two of you had made a pitstop at a small corner cafe.

“The girl who just came out of the bathroom,” the voice that belonged to Jen almost caused Natasha to jolt. “See what I mean?”

“Yeah, she’s cute,” the other one woefully confirmed that they were, indeed, talking about her girlfriend.

You were dressed down in a white “Love is Love” t-shirt that sported two rainbow stick-women holding hands under a rainbow. It was supposed to go with Natasha’s matching black one but she was very against supporting capitalist corporations that sought to make money off of Pride Month merchandise. The rest of your outfit’s ensemble consisted of your favorite pair of shorts and some comfy white sneakers but the real show-stopper was your hair. It had taken hours of braiding to weave your hair so intricately into the flower crown that had taken even longer to craft. You were excited to show off your DIY project you’d had pinned on Pinterest for the last few years even if Nat hadn’t understood the hype.

“Sweetheart, you’re putting hours of work into this thing. I know you like doing it but we can just buy you one and save you the trouble.”

“That’s not the point, Nat,” you sighed never looking up from the hot glue gun you were trying to wield. “I get that I might not be super gifted when it comes to creative things like this but I’ll just feel proud of myself knowing I did it when it’s all put together.”

And right now, Natasha was really wishing she had pushed back harder and gone with the store-bought crown because you were standing there looking like a woodland fairy princess with your bubblegum lipgloss and GODDAMNIT why did her girlfriend have to be so freakin adorable all the time!?? 

You were still searching the crowd as Natasha’s blood began to boil. Jealousy urged her to march straight up to you and begin making out, claiming you as hers in front of everybody. Then the two of you would storm out of there, confront the gross heteros that would undoubtedly hit on Y/N, she’d beat them up and it’d be a solid victory for the badass super spy. A possible bonus could be that you get too frazzled and end up going home early.

But then she hesitated thinking that maybe you wouldn’t appreciate that. “No,” she thought to herself and calculated a better plan. “That’s possessive, gross, and directly from the straight male playbook. I love Y/N. I respect her. And holy fuck I guess I really am just gonna do this.”

Nat’s eyes ironically enough lit up at that same moment when you finally spotted her and waved eagerly with a giant smile on your face. She wasn’t too ecstatic about what she knew she had to do, but she knew it would make you happy.”

“Hey babe!” you greeted her with your full attention. It was clear from your demeanor that you were oblivious to the fact Jen and quite possibly many others were checking you out. “I’m ready to go now.”

“Actually, I think I might have to go too, but wait here,” Nat casually mentioned before slipping into the bathroom. That caught you off guard and you figured something was going on. Natasha never had to go to the bathroom. I mean, she did have to go, obviously, but it was never random and certainly never in public restrooms. Your anxiety began climbing as you went through all the scenarios in your head. Could it be that something was about to go down? You were sure that she had it handled but it bothered you slightly that she hadn’t told you ahead of time. Unless it was something more serious and urgent? There was that one time you two had gone on a day cruise but ended up getting airlifted out of the ocean when Nat ran into some Serbian gun traders. Your stomach was doing flips out of fear that you all might be in danger as you hesitantly knocked on the door.

“Nat, is everything okay?” you shook. “I don’t want to stress you out if you have some important stuff to do, but I am a little worried that-”

Door swung open and there she stood: Your gorgeous girlfriend, NOT suited up, but in fact wearing the matching black t-shirt.

“Seriously?! You know that you almost gave me a heart attack over here!” you half cry half beam with joy at the sight of your girlfriend laughing hysterically at you.

“I know and I’m sorry babe,” she kissed you sweetly on your forehead. “But these girls over there were checking you out and I had to make a quick change into this.”

“But you actually brought it? Sam didn’t have to do like a fly-by and drop it off to you in super stealth mode?”

Her reaction to your question was too good. “No, of course I brought it. We used the same bathroom right? You know there’s no window in there. How would Sam even be able to-”

You interrupt her with a quick peck on the lips. “Shut up and stop making me feel dumb, I’m just touched that you brought it and have it on now. We’re gonna get such great couple photos!”

“Oh shit, they’re definitely together,” Natasha could overhear Jen’s friend comment from across the cafe.

“I mean that sucks but also they make such a cute couple!” Jen unknowingly complimented the two which made Natasha laugh quietly to herself. She really had no reason to feel threatened or insecure about her relationship. Y/N was an amazing girlfriend and if there were any areas of improvement then they’d probably be on Natasha’s side. The spy then made a mental note to show appreciation for her more before remembering another detail.

“Actually, do you mind going out the back door? There’s just a sleazy group of straight guys out there hitting on women that I don’t care to run into.”

“Ew, let’s definitely do that,” you agreed wholeheartedly. “You know guys like that deserve to be put in their place.”

“Don’t encourage me,” Nat bit her bottom lip, ever-so tempted. “Because I was considering that at first.”

“No,” you grabbed her arm twisting her back around to you. “We should go over there and see if they actually have the nerve. And if they do, you beating them up honestly sounds super hot right now.”

“Wait, I thought you didn’t condone violence,” Nat raised an eyebrow at your proposition.

“Normally I don’t. But you’d look so cute doing it in our matching t-shirts!”

Nat rolled her eyes, smiling, thinking of how proud she was of her girlfriend.

LINKS

Petition for Justice for Tony McDade: https://www.change.org/p/justice-for-tony-mcdade

GoFundMe for Tony McDade's Funeral and Family: https://www.gofundme.com/f/in-memory-of-tony-mcdade

Petition for Justice for Dominique Fells: https://www.change.org/p/philadelphia-police-department-justice-for-dominique-fells

GoFundMe for Dominique Fells' Funeral Costs: https://www.gofundme.com/f/dominiquefells

Petition for Justice for Riah Milton: https://www.change.org/p/liberty-townships-board-of-trustees-justice-for-riah-milton-womanmurdered-in-liberty-township-ohio

[bxcketbarnes]

Deep Shit

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Words: 4000+

Author’s Note: Hey, guys! Another Steve fic here! I apologize in advance that it’s so long, but it’s cute. I really hope you guys like it and I literally based this off of this gif. xox

I walk into Scoops Ahoy! around five, seeing Robin standing at the counter and handing out spoonfuls of ice cream to Erica, Lucas' sister. She's such a little brat. "Hey, Robin!" I grin at the girl and her head snaps towards mine.

"Bestie! You're here, finally," she laughs after Erica and her little friends leave. After I get behind the counter I wrap my arms around her shoulders.

"Where's Steve?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows.

Robin smirks after pulling away from me, crossing her arms over her chest. "What? Am I not good enough for you anymore?" She asks me and my eyes widen.

"Wha-N-No. I was jus-"

"I'm kidding, don't get so flustered. He's in the back with his child friend," she informs me. Dustin?! He's back?!

A gasp leaves my lips as I quickly ran into the back, seeing Dustin sitting at the metal table as Steve stands beside him eating a banana. "Dustin!" I shout and the curly-haired boy picks up his head, a smile coming to his lips.

"Y/N!" He gets up from the chair and runs to me, wrapping his small arms around my waist.

"Look at you. You're getting too big, kid," I chuckle and my eyes meet Steve's. I smile softly at him and he returns it, running a hand through his hair. "What are you guys doing?"

Dustin pulls away from me and sits back in the chair. I sat my beg against the surface, my Scoops uniform sitting inside it as my shift starts soon.

"We're trying to crack a Russian code," Dustin nonchalantly says and my lips part a bit.

"What now? Steve, is this true? What did I miss?!" I ask in confusion as I glance between my two favorite boys.

Steve tosses the banana peel away before nodding his head. "Yeah, it's true. Dustin came across it last night while trying to talk to his girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?! Dusty!" I grin and walk over to him, hugging his head. "My little boy's growing up."

Dustin groans, trying to push me off him. "Stop!" He mumbles and I chuckle, letting him go. "Can we get back to cracking this? Please?"

Steve nods and Dustin presses play on the tape recorder. I grab my bag off the table, heading towards the employee bathroom so I can change clothes.

I step back out after changing into my uniform, soothing out the pleated dress as I heard Dustin yelling at Steve.

"Why are you listening to the music Steve?! Listen to the Russian! We're translating the Russian!"

"I'm trying to listen to the Russian, but the music-," Steve comments and gets cut off by Robin walking into the back while I walk up to the table.

"Alright. Babysitting time is over. You need to get in there," she tells him as Steve stumbles back a bit. The light-haired brunette looks towards her whiteboard. "Hey, my board! That was important data, shitbird."

I chuckled a bit, biting my lip as I recall her making tallies of all the times Steve failed to flirt with a girl. I wish he'd flirt with me…

"I guarantee what we're doing is way more important than your data," Dustin comments and my eyes move to Robin who moves to stand beside me.

"Yeah? And how do you know these Russians are up to no good anyway?"

Dustin's lips part as he looks up at Steve. "How does she know about the Russians? Did you tell her?"

"I didn't tell her anything!" Steve says while shrugging his shoulders.

"Hello, I can hear you," my bestie cuts them off and I nudge her a bit. She gives me a quick glance before returning her gaze. "I can actually hear everything. You two are extremely loud. You two think you have evil Russians plotting against our country on tape and you're trying to translate, but you haven't figured out a single word because the Russians use an entirely different alphabet than we do. Sound about right?"

I press my lips together, trying to hold the laughter as the two boys look at each other. There's a quiet pause between all of us before Robin lurches forward, reaching for the device.

"Woah, what are you doing?" Steve asks after he grabs the recorder before she could.

"Steve-" I start but get cut off by Robin.

"I wanna hear it," she states.

"Why?" Both Steve and Dustin ask simultaneously.

"Because maybe I can help. I'm fluent in four languages you know."

"Russian?" Dustin asks and she replies with pig Latin, snickering as the two look at her like she has two heads. "Holy shit," he grins while looking up at us.

"That was pig Latin, dingus," Robin informs them and Steve hits the kid with the banana peel, uttering the word idiot.

"But I can speak Spanish and French and Italian and I've been in band for twelve years. Y/N knows," she mutters and glances back at me as she sits down. "My ears are little geniuses, trust me."

Steve stutters, trying to come up with an excuse for her not to help. "C'mon Steve," I mentioned before she has the chance to speak up. "You can help me scoop ice cream?" I smile at him and his eyes dart towards me.

"Yeah, go help Y/N! I don't even want credit, I'm just bored. Let me help," she tells him as she held out the scooper. He sighs and gives in, grabbing the metal utensil and hands her the tape recorder.

-

I smiled at the little girl that just bought an ice cream cone with her mother, wishing the two of them a good night.

"So, have you applied to any colleges?" Steve asks as the place suddenly became dead.

I hop up on the counter, crossing my leg over the other. "I've looked at some, but I'm just afraid that I won't be able to get in," I tell him and he shakes his head.

"No, no. I'm sure you will. You're super smart," he mentions and takes a step towards me.

I chuckle, shrugging my shoulders as his hand fiddles with the skirt of my uniform. My cheeks flush, looking at him through my lashes as his eyes were set on his hands.

The sliding window opened abruptly, Steve and I jumping a bit as he stepped away from me. I got down from the counter, seeing Robin giving us a skeptical look before speaking up. "We have our first word," she tells us.

"Yeah? What is it?" We both asked at the same time.

"The week is long," she states in a bad Russian accent and I let out a laugh.

"That's it?" Steve asks.

Robin nods her head. "Yeah. It's going slowly, but it's coming along," she tells us before closing the window again.

The bell rings and I turn around, seeing a guy that went to school with us standing on the other side of the counter.

"Ahoy! What can I get for you?" I ask with a fake smile on my lips.

"Can I get a cone of peppermint swirl, gorgeous?" He flirts and I nod, trying not to roll my eyes.

I heard Steve scoff as he washed some of the scoopers out in the small bin of water. I open the sliding door to the freezer, bending over slightly to scoop out some of the ice cream, giving him two scoops. I close the door afterward, feeling a pair of eyes on me as I take a glance behind me, seeing Steve's eyes raking down my body.

"Here you go, that'll be a dollar twenty-five," I tell the guy and he pays me, giving me a wink before leaving the parlor.

I turn back around to face my friend, his eyes still wandering as I snap my fingers. "Steve?! Enjoying the view?"

His cheeks heat up in embarrassment as his hand begins to scratch the back of his neck. "I-Uh, sorry," Steve mumbles and I chuckled softly.

"It's fine. I mean what can I say? It's an honor to be checked out by King Steve himself," I smirked with a wink and he rolls his eyes before glancing at the clock.

"Finally," he mutters and grabs the keys from inside the drawer, heading towards the front of the parlor, "I've been waiting almost all day to be closed."

I lean against the counter, watching him as he closes the metal gate. I softly bite my lip, deciding to check him out as he locks up. “Could you be any more obvious?” Robin’s voice reaches my ears and I snap out of my gaze, looking towards my right to see her standing by the door, arms crossed over her chest with a large smirk on her lips.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tell her, my own smirk present on my lips. A scoff leaves her lips as she shakes her head while Steve walks back over to us, flinging the keys around his finger.

“So, we finished cracking it,” Robin informs us and we walk into the back room, seeing it written down in both Russian and English.

“The week is long,” all four of us began reading slowly as Steve’s hand brushes against mine, “the silver cat feeds when blue meets yellow in the west.” What the fuck does that mean? I grab my bag off the ground as everyone else gathers their things. Dustin, Robin, and I walk out of Scoops after Steve opened the gate back up, allowing us to go through before him.

“So, what do you think it means?” I ask my best friend as Steve locks back up, shoving the keys into his pocket.

We began walking towards the main door as Steve speaks up before she could. “I don’t think it’s right.”

“It’s right,” Robin confirms and ignores my question entirely.

“Honestly, I think it’s great news,” Dustin pipes up while glancing over his shoulder.

“How is this great news?” Steve chuckles before continuing, “I mean, so much for being American heroes. It’s total nonsense.”

“It’s not nonsense. It’s too specific. It’s obviously a code,” Dustin tells us.

Steve’s hands find my hips and I jerk a little bit, giggles leaving my lips as I look back at him, seeing him give me a cheeky wink. “What do you mean a code?” He asks while walking beside me.

“Like a super-secret spy code,” he explains.

“That’s a total stretch.”

“I don’t know, is it?” Robin chimes in, glancing back at the two of us.

“You’re buying into this?” The older teen asks.

“Listen, just for kicks, let’s entertain the possibility that it is a secret Russian transmission. What’d you think they were gonna say, “fire the warhead at noon”?” Robin mentions and Dustin mutters an exactly. “And my translation is correct. I know that for sure, so, “the silver cat feeds.” Why would anyone talk like that unless they were trying to mask the true meaning of their message?”

“I agree with Robin here,” I speak up and Steve looks towards me, letting out a deep sigh. “Why would anyone mask the true meaning of their message unless the message was somehow sensitive?” I ask the three of them, looking at each person.

“Exactly,” Dustin mentions once again, holding his hand out as Steve imitates us.

I nudge his arm with mine, noticing what he’s doing and lets out a chuckle before rolling my eyes. “So, I guess that confirms your suspicion,” Robin utters and looks towards the curly-haired kid.

“Evil Russians.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to agree with this strange child, but, yeah, totally evil Russians,” Robin laughs and I lay a hand on her back. We continue walking and none of us notice Steve had stopped towards the mechanical rides as Dustin proceeds to ask how we’re going to crack the code. “Well, I guess we translate the rest and hopefully a pattern emerges.”

I look to my left to see that Steve’s not by my side anymore, not paying attention to what Dustin is saying as I look behind me, seeing the older teen standing by the Indiana horse ride, shuffling through the change in his hand. “Steve! What are you doing?” I ask, gaining the other’s attention as I jog over to him.

“Uh, it’s a quarter. I need- Do you have a quarter?” He asks me, looking down into my eyes as my lips part before I begin to look through my bag, not finding one.

“No, I don’t,” I tell him and look back towards Dustin and Robin.

My best friend chuckles while the two jog over to us. “Sure you’re tall enough for that ride?” She asks.

“Quarter!” He practically yells in my ear and I jump slightly. He mutters an apology to me, his hand resting on my arm for a few seconds. Robin throws him a quarter and he catches it, shoving it into the machine. Music begins to play as the horse rocks back and forth, the four of us staring at it as I try to figure out what Steve’s trying to get at.

“Need help getting up little Stevie?” Robin asks and he hushes her immediately. I recall hearing the end of the tape before Steve and Dustin began arguing after I got dressed into my uniform, a gasp leaving my lips as I kneel beside him.

His eyes meet mine as he nods his head. We continue to listen in silence for a bit longer before Dustin speaks up. “Holy shit.” Steve and I look up at the kid as Robin stares at him in confusion. “The music.” He takes his bag off his back, grabbing the tape recorder out of it before playing it, hearing the same song in the background of the recording.

“I don’t understand,” Robin pipes up and I look towards her.

“It’s the exact same song,” I inform her, Dustin nodding his head in agreement.

“Maybe they have the exact same horses in Russia,” she tries to debate.

“Indiana Flyer? I don’t… I don’t think so. This code, it… didn’t come from Russia,” Steve pauses, looking towards the two before his eyes met mine again, “it came from here.”

-

Steve and I were sat in my room, my fingers fiddling with the hem of my sweater as his leg brushes against mine. “So, you couldn’t get a shift for tonight?” He asks me and I shake my head, feeling utterly disappointed.

“No, I tried just about every reason. I know Friday’s are busy and if it’s just you and Robin, you’re going to get swamped,” I tell him and he nods his head. “If you want I can come by, later on, distract you guys from your job.”

Steve laughs as I give him a wink, giggling myself. “That would be fantastic. And if you can’t make it, I’ll call you from the store if we find anything out,” he lets me know and I nod.

He looks down at his watch, sighing softly before his honey brown eyes look into mine. “What’s wrong?” I whisper, noticing our faces inches apart.

“Nothing, I just… I just need to leave. My shift starts in an hour,” Steve mentions and I frown a bit. I nod my head, understanding as I get up from my spot on the bed and heads towards my bedroom door.

A hand wraps around my wrist and I stop in my tracks, looking behind me to see Steve staring down at me. Neither of us says anything as my heart begins to pound against my chest. “S-Steve I…” I trail off, my eyes fluttering shut as his nose brushes against mine.

“Y/N! Can you come here for a minute?!” My older sister yells and Steve and I jump apart, heavy breaths leaving my lips. He clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair as I open the bedroom door, the two of us heading downstairs.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Steve asks, his fingers grazing against my arm. I nod my head, giving him a quick hug before he leaves the house.

I watch as he leaves, the door closing behind him before I let out a sigh. “You guys aren’t dating, yet?” My sister asks me and I let out a scoff and laugh.

“Are you kidding me? No, of course not. I don’t know where we stand, honestly,” I tell him and lean against the kitchen island. “I think he was gonna kiss me when we were upstairs.”

My sister, Julie, smirks at me with a raised eyebrow. “Oh, really now? What stopped him?” She asks and I let out a laugh.

“You, stupid. You yelled my name and we pulled apart,” I tell her and she lets out a groan.

“Goddamn it. Sorry, didn’t mean to cockblock you.”

-

Steve ended up calling me a few hours later, telling me that Robin had figured out the code and that we’re gonna meet up after the mall closes and the shipments come in. I left the house before it started storming, immediately regretting not bringing a change of clothes.

“Are you kidding? We’re gonna do a stakeout in this?” I asked the three of them and they nod their heads. I groan slightly, following them to the roof that’s across the shipment door.

My clothes are soaked by the time we reach the roof, getting into position as Dustin uses the binoculars, looking at the lit-up area. A truck pulls up to the building, the beeping of it backing up to the door getting lost in the sound of the rain and thunder.

“Look for Imperial Panda and Kaufman Shoes,” Robin yells over the rain. I kneel in between Steve and Robin, watching the older boy wiping the rain out of his eyes. I look towards Dustin as he adjusts the binoculars before looking down at the truck, seeing two men with guns and another man rolling the shipment into the building.

“They’re with that whistling guy, ten o’clock,” Dustin shouts.

“What do you think’s in there?” Steve calls out, glancing towards the kid.

“Guns, bombs?”

“Chemical weapons?” Robin and I question at the same time, the two of us looking towards each other. She smiles at me, nudging my arm a bit as I let out a laugh, moving the wet hair out of my face.

I lean towards the girl, kinda shouting in her ear. “Did you ever think we’d be doing this right now?” I ask her and she shakes her head with a grin on her lips, adjusting the hood on her head.

“Whatever it is, they’re armed to the teeth,” Dustin mentions right before thunder cracks loudly.

I jump a bit and grip onto Steve’s arm, looking up at the sky. “Great,” Steve mutters and wipes the rain from his eyes again. “That’s great.”

“Hey, what’s in there?” Robin asks and I snap my head towards the group of men, seeing the doors now open as the guy wheels the boxes into it.

“It’s just more boxes,” Dustin tells us.

“Let me check it out,” Steve mentions and grabs the front of the binoculars. I shake my head, watching the two fight over the binoculars before one of them smashes it against the metal railing. A loud thud rings out over the storm, my heart in my throat as Dustin yells for us to duck.

I drop to the floor quickly, my fingers intertwining with Steve’s as the four of us breathe heavily, staying still. My eyes glance at our hands before looking towards Steve, seeing his eyes on our hands. I fully expected him to let go, but instead, he squeezed my hand, silently telling me that it’ll be alright as our hands move to the ground, still intertwined.

One of the guys yells in Russian and that was our cue to get up, not fully, but enough for us to get off the roof without being seen by anyone. I shiver as we walk down the dimly lit hallway, just wishing I can be home and wrapped in a warm blanket.

“Well, I think we found your Russians,” Robin tells Steve.

We all went out separate ways, Robin driving Dustin home and I sat in Steve’s car as he drives us to his place. I called my sister when we reached Scoops to tell mom and dad that I’m staying the night at Robin’s, not exactly knowing how they’d react to me telling them that I’m actually staying with Steve.

“You still cold?” He asks and looks over at me.

A cough leaves my lips as I shake my head, feeling the warmth of the heater blasting me in the face. “No, I’m alright, thank you,” I tell him and give him a small smile.

We arrive at his house about five minutes later and Steve turns the vehicle off before the two of us book it into his house, not getting any wetter than we already were. He locks his front door behind us before we head up to his room, glad his parents were out of town.

“Do you wanna use the shower?” He asks, pulling the soaked jacket off his upper body and tosses it into the laundry basket.

“Yeah, that’d be great. Can I uh, can I borrow some clothes?” I ask him while pulling the sweater off me, literally peeling it off my skin.

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Steve mumbles and walks over to his dresser, getting a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. He steps towards me, holding them out to me and I gently take them from his hands. I give him a smile, our fingers brushing against each other.

“Would it be too far to ask if you wanna shower with me?” I ask in a whisper, not meeting his eyes as my cheeks flush in embarrassment.

His finger hooks under my chin, lifting my head so I’m looking at him as his eyes roam over my face. “You want me to take a shower with you?” He asks, his voice becoming a little deeper as I swallow thickly and nod my head. “I’ll try my best to keep my hands to myself.”

-

I brush my hair as the fluffy white towel is wrapped around my body, watching as Steve runs a towel through his hair in the mirror. I press my lips together as he wraps the towel around his waist before resting his hands against my hips.

“You’re stunning, you know that?” He asks and presses soft kisses against my shoulder. My cheeks blush a bit, setting the brush down before turning around in his arms.

“I didn’t know that, but you’re way more stunning than me,” I tell him, glad I can be open about my feelings towards him. I move my hand up, running my fingers through his damp hair.

Steve shakes his head, chuckling a bit and we move to his bedroom, putting on dry clothes before getting into his queen-sized bed. He moves a bit of my wet hair out of my face, his thumb stroking my cheek softly. “Is it safe to say that you’re mine now?” He asks me and I can’t stop the smile coming to my lips.

“Do you want me to be yours?”

He gives me a look before leaning his head down, pressing his lips to mine. My eyes flutter shut, kissing him back as I shuffle my body closer to his. One of his arms wraps around my waist, his fingers dipping under his shirt that I’m wearing. Steve pulls away after about a minute, resting his forehead against mine. “Does that answer your question?” He questions and I bite my lip, nodding my head.

I rest my head against his chest, feeling his hand gently stroke up and down my back as the warmth began to come back to my body after being in the rain for so long. I feel Steve place a kiss to the top of my head as my eyes begin to droop shut, falling into a deep slumber.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to officially call you mine…”

-

Stranger Things Taglist: @whiitee--sxxl​ @joyfullyswimmingface @lovefilledtragedy​ @morningfears​ @adumbledoreable​ @vanitysfairr​ @lay-all-on-me @kaelyn-lobrutto24​ @fangirlinganditswonders​ @ria132love​ @hhal0 @rissa067​

[siren-queen-imagines]

Lies

So this was requested by someone, of whom I did not write their blog name down (like a complete dum dum). I hope you get the chance to see this and I hope you enjoy!!

Prompt Used: 19. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie and tell you that I love you?”

Masterlist

(gif by meh)

——————————————————

No, I'm not the type that you like Why don't we just pretend? Lies Don't wanna know, don't wanna know, oh -’Lies’ by Marina and the Diamonds

——————————————————

It all started with a dinner date.

You remember, clear as day, the day you met Billy Russo. It was when he came to speak to Special Agent Dinah Madani, one of the Homeland Security agents you were a secretary for. You had to sit in meetings regarding a certain investigation to take notes, as that was your job. Then one day, Billy walked over into your life. After his second meeting with Madani he had strolled to your desk, that confident, mischievous smirk plastered on his face. 

“Hey, Y/N, you wanna grab dinner with me tomorrow night?” Billy had asked you.

You were in shock. Billy Russo, a guy that looked like THAT, asked you out?

“Yes, I would like that.” You replied, trying to play it cool.

“Great. I’ll pick you up at 7:30.”

He gave you a smile and strode off. God, what you would have given to have confidence like that. Although, it was nice that he had enough to ask you out because you never could’ve. You could only hope that this date went well.

=================================

You paced in front of your television, a glass of wine in your hand as you watched the news. Only hours ago, you lost your job after they found out about your relationship with Billy. 

Problem was, it wasn’t the fact you were in a relationship with him. It was what you did while in said relationship.

God, could you even call it that? He used you. Plain and simple. Billy Russo had a way of talking to you to get answers to questions...and not only was he subtle, but he was so goddamn persuasive. And those questions had a lot to do about Madani’s investigation in which he was now a prime suspect. In a sense, you should be lucky you only lost your job and was not charged with accessory to all his crimes.

Currently the anchorman was talking about how Billy was currently a wanted fugitive, along with his face plastered onto the screen.

You were so stupid. How could you let yourself get caught up in his web? 

“Once again, he is considered armed and extremely dangerous.” The anchorman continued.

=================================

Billy smiled at you after he rolled off of you. He leaned in to kiss you tenderly before getting out of bed to dispose of the condom.

“I was thinking, maybe we should stay in this weekend.” Billy said as he got back into bed with you.

“Yeah?” You asked.

“Yeah. We can stay in bed all day, we can order in. We can conversate and talk about which turns into complaining about our jobs like normal couples do.”

“And?”

You had recognized that mischievous glint in his eyes.

“I thought that was covered in the stay in bed all day category.”

The two of you shared a laugh as he cupped the side of your face. You had been seeing each other for about 4 months now and you enjoyed the time you’ve spent with him. And the sex...holy shit the sex. 

How in the hell was this guy into you? What good thing have you done to get him? You were pretty sure if anyone could have him or if he wanted anyone, it would’ve been Madani...you were just a secretary. She was a strong ass Homeland Security agent and he was the owner and CEO of a private military contracting firm. 

“What’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?” He asked, his eyes searching yours.

“Nothing important.” You smiled bashfully.

“Has to be if it’s got your mind preoccupied.”

“It’s just…” You sighed. “Why me? Why did you choose me?”

“Why not?” He smiled softly at you.

“I’m nobody special, Billy.”

“Of course you are. When I first met you, you had this way about you. It was warm and welcoming.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Your smile was and still is so beautiful.” He kissed your cheek. “Something about you told me that you were trusting, I never really had that.” He kissed your nose. “And I don’t think it needs mentioning but I’m gonna say it anyway.” He kissed your lips. “You are so fucking sexy.” He placed a kiss on your neck.

=================================

Something about you told him you were trusting…

You had never given that much thought until now. That was a sign that was practically staring you in the face and you ignored it. You remembered that you thought that was a weird thing to say until he saved it with the whole, ‘I never had that’ part. 

“God damn you, Billy.” You mumbled, wiping the tears from your eyes before turning the channel on your TV.

There was a knock on your door. You put down your glass of wine and pulled yourself together. You wished you had checked the peephole because when you opened the door, Billy was on the other side.

“Oh, no. No, no, no.” You said, going to close your door.

Billy’s foot stopped you from closing it and you opened the door. Billy let himself in and looked at you as he closed the door behind him.

“You son of a bitch!” You pushed him roughly. 

“Don’t.” He warned.

“That’s all you have to say? After what you did?”

“What I did? Come on, Y/N. You aren’t naive or stupid enough to know what was going on.”

“Fuck you, Billy. You were so subtle whenever you managed to get anything out of me. I can’t believe how stupid I was to even entertain the idea that I could’ve loved you.”

Fuck. You said that last part out loud.

“Oh baby, we did plenty of that. What’s gonna fix this for you, hmm?” He asked, standing at his full height, moving closer to you, his voice lowering. It was never meant to intimidate you but one way he seduced you...obviously now it mostly intimidated you. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie and tell you that I love you? Is that gonna fix you? Because nothing is gonna fix what happened. The sooner you accept that, the better.”

You clenched your jaw, holding back your tears as Billy walked past you. You couldn’t let him see you cry. Just as you were about to go after him, Billy came back, tucking some money into his jacket. What the hell? He stashed money here without you knowing?

“You’re kidding me, right?” You motioned to his pocket.

“Back up plan.”

“Wow.”

“Well, it’s been real, Y/N. Not gonna lie, we had some good times. This was fun.”

“What was? The lying, the manipulation?” 

“Nah. It wasn’t all lies and manipulation. You know what they say about the shy ones, right? You...definitely live up to that in bed. I think I’ll miss that the most.”

“Go to hell, Billy.”

Billy smirked at you, turning to leave.

“You know, before everything went down, I learned the truth. I got to see Frank Castle’s testimony. The Punisher?” You started, stopping him. “Anyone that knows about his quest for vengeance, knows he won’t stop until everyone who was involved in his family’s deaths are dead. Honestly, I never bat an eye because all of them were scum. And now, his sights are on you...and he will find you.”

Billy turned to face you.

“So what, are you gonna tell me that you care enough to not want me to die?” Billy mocked.

“No. You’re the worst of them all. You deserve what’s coming to you.”

Billy smiled at you, lightly chuckling.

“You always seem to surprise me, Y/N. This side of you is so fucking sexy. I never expected you to be okay with death on anyone. It almost makes me wish things could be different.”

You took in a deep breath, shakily letting it out as Billy opened the door. He stopped and looked back at you.

“Take care of yourself.

That took you by surprise. Another chuckle left Billy at the look on your face as he walked out the door.

“Fuck.” You whispered to yourself, trying not to cry.

[sodalitefully]

This is the result of me being a slut for demon AUs, and also for Slash’s ridiculously pretty face.  I wasn’t planning to write this 'cause uh it’s definitely got similarities to some of my other ideas and also because I’m not really satisfied with the characterization, but it wouldn’t leave me alone so here it is:

Summary: Slash is a pretty lil incubus who escapes from Hell. He gets roughed up a little on the way out, and Duff finds him lost and hurt on the street in LA. He helps Slash, takes him home, cleans him up, and hears him out. Duff lets Slash stay the night, and he can already tell that he’s going to let Slash stay as long as he wants. Slash latches on to Duff immediately, he’s convinced that Duff is the kindest, most beautiful being that could possibly exist and he absolutely adores him. Duff is crushing hard on Slash, but he can’t fathom why Slash likes him so much, he’s not pretty or exceptional while Slash is stunningly, inhumanly gorgeous. But Duff is compassionate as hell, and he does his best to ease Slash into life in the mortal plane.

Duff finds Slash on his way home from work on a Friday night, Slash looks completely lost and he’s bleeding a little and he’s not completely dressed.  Everyone else is avoiding him in case he’s tripping or crazy or something, but Duff goes up to him cause he seems to be dressed like a rocker (no shirt or shoes, just tight leather pants and some jewelry) so like, solidarity from one wasted rocker to another.  

Duff goes up to him, notices that he’s like, insanely hot but decides not to say anything about it, and asks if he’s lost or something.  Slash shies away and eyes him suspiciously, he’s not used to people freely offering help.  But then something comes running at them from down the street, at first Duff thinks it’s a dog but as it gets closer it’s obviously not a dog, not any kind of animal he recognizes, so he kicks it as hard as he can into a wall and it vanishes on impact in a puff of sour smelling smoke.  That’s fucking weird so Duff looks around to see if anyone else saw that, but the people around them don’t seem to notice anything unusual.  Instead, Duff spots a pack of four more creatures coming towards them.  Slash sees them too, and he changes his mind about trusting Duff – he looks up at him and tugs on his arm, “Please help me!”  

So Duff basically scoops Slash up (he’s way too skinny) and sprints for his car around the block.  He throws Slash in the passenger seat and guns it.  “What the fuck are those things?!” (classic action movie line).  Slash explains that they’re hellhounds, vermin of the underworld, they followed him here.  There’s a lot to unpack there, but Duff starts with the most important question: “Are they going to keep coming after us?”  “Well, they can’t pass between planes on their own, so either we lose them or we get rid of them.”  “How do we get – Oh shit!” The hellhounds are suddenly right in front of the car, half a block away.  “Just hit them! They’ll re-spawn in Hell and they won’t be able to get back!” So Duff braces himself and drives straight through the pack, they disintegrate just like the first one did.

“Holy fucking shit.  Was that all of them?”  Slash affirms, and Duff pulls off the road next to a sketchy little park that’s mostly empty at this time in the evening.  He and Slash get out of the car, and Duff is on the verge of panic, nearly yelling as he questions Slash about what the fuck just happened.  He stops dead when he realizes that Slash looks scared (all big eyes and quivering pout and hugging himself defensively and damn if it doesn’t yank Duff’s heartstrings more than any sad puppy ever has), and immediately backtracks, apologizing and asking more gently for Slash to explain what happened.  

So Slash does, he introduces himself and explains that the hounds won’t come back, they followed him here when he escaped from Hell.  Slash is a demon and they spend a few minutes establishing this fact (he probably proves it by demonstrating that he can shapeshift).  Duff asks if there’s a chance that more will come after him, Slash says he doubts it, he’s a little embarrassed as he admits he’s just an incubus, there’s a million others like him, no one will come looking now that he’s gone.  Duff has a hard time imaging that anyone else like Slash exists in the world.  He asks why Slash escaped and Slash explains that Hell is the worst, he just gets kicked around by more powerful demons (who treat low-level incubi like funny little pets because they’re not very powerful and they look mostly like humans instead of like terrifying demons) and sent off to seduce humans (he’s sick of it: shifting into their ideal, tempting them with whatever sick fantasies they have and then basically drugging them with his demonic power of irresistibility; it’s all-around terrible sex really, they act like they’re in a trance and he doesn’t get any say in what they do).  It occurs to Duff eventually that Slash is basically telling him he had a demon pimp.  

“So... you’re not going to try to steal my soul or something?”  “I don’t make deals, just tempt people.  And I don’t want to do that anymore, I don’t… I don’t really like hurting people.” He whispers the last bit like it’s some terrible secret.  “It’s so violent in Hell, I just want to be left alone…"

“What are you going to do now that you’re on Earth?” Duff asks.  He knows where he’s going with this, and he knows it’s a bad idea – inviting a demon into his own home?? It’s a recipe for disaster, but Slash seems so sincere and Duff rationalizes that he should be fine as long as he doesn’t ask for or agree to any sex.  Easier said than done, because Slash is the most stunning being that Duff has ever encountered in his life and just being around him scrambles his mind a little.  

But Slash looks so lost and uncertain when he admits that he doesn’t know much about the mortal plane and he has nowhere to go, and he lights up with a combination of relief and genuine shock and awe when Duff offers to take him home with him.  

So they get back in the car and drive home, where Duff runs Slash a bath, helps clean up the blood and soot (sure, Slash could probably handle it himself but Duff is firmly in mother hen mode), gives him some comfortable clothes to wear (seeing Slash wearing his softest t-shirt and a pair of tiny shorts is almost too much for Duff) and something warm to eat (as an immortal demon, Slash has never eaten real food before and frankly it’s life-changing – this tastes so much better than dick. He might cry. Duff now understands why he’s so thin).  

When it’s time to go to bed, Slash is uncertain.  He’s been in people’s beds before, though he’s never actually slept in one.  In Hell he had a little place to sleep but nothing like the homes that humans have.  Duff offers Slash the options of the bed and the couch.  Slash cautiously clarifies that Duff doesn’t want to have sex with him? “Oh no, I couldn’t.”  Slash looks confused and a little uncomfortable.  “I mean, of course I think you’re attractive, shit you’re the most beautiful – Uh, but you said earlier that you didn’t want to do that anymore, I would never ask you to.  I didn’t offer to help because I wanted something in return.”  

Slash stares at him.  “Duff, you must have the kindest soul in this realm.”  Duff tries to deflect (of course he doesn’t have the kindest soul that’s ridiculous, all he did was offer a little help, anyone could have), but Slash just looks at him affectionately.  “And the prettiest face.  I might be done with seduction, but with you, I wouldn’t mind.”  Duff can’t even comprehend that Slash of all people could find him beautiful with his scars and his terrible dye job and all the other things he’s secretly insecure about. Instead he focuses on the last thing Slash said, “I wouldn’t mind” isn’t exactly an enthusiastic come on so Duff will stand by his vow not to fuck Slash.  

Duff helps Slash make a little nest of blankets on the couch and then they both go to bed.  In the morning, Duff wakes up first, so he tries to very quietly put together breakfast without waking Slash in the tiny apartment.  They spend the rest of the weekend trying to acclimate Slash to living with mortals – it’s quite a learning curve.  Slash needs lots of help with things, but Duff doesn’t mind at all, and by the time Monday comes around, he feels confident that Slash can mind himself in the apartment for a while when Duff is at work.  Slash is very impressed that Duff has a job and earns money, but he’s also a little nervous to be alone – he wakes up early to send Duff off with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and Duff is entirely distracted through his whole shift.  

When Duff gets home, Slash announces that he missed him, then starts excitedly telling Duff about his day: It was so quiet, he’s never experienced that before! There were animals on the TV for a while before it changed to people talking about things! He looked out the window for two hours and at one point he saw a man drop his sandwich across the street and it reminded him of Hell!

Over the course of that week, Slash has no trouble keeping himself entertained when Duff is out.  He systematically attacks Duff’s music collection, takes up guitar, starts writing down notes about humanity in a little notebook (Duff finds it open one day, and reads a couple hilariously endearing entries).  He also discovers porn, and is immediately obsessed with it.  So many ways to have sex, and he gets to choose what to watch or look at whenever he wants!  Duff soon learns that Slash has very diverse and somewhat unusual tastes in erotica.

But when Duff comes home, all of Slash’s attention is on him.  He loves to tell Duff about his day, and is completely engrossed in whatever Duff has to say in return.  He continues to candidly compliment Duff, usually something along the lines of being extremely kind and intelligent and beautiful, and Duff continues to deflect cover up his insecurity.  Slash is completely open about his adoration of Duff, but Duff can’t even begin to accept it, so he just pretends it doesn’t exist.  Meanwhile Duff is at least a bit in love with Slash but still convinced that he’s not ever going to do anything about it.

Eventually, Duff’s friends are wondering why they haven’t seem him for almost a week.  Duff brings Slash along to the bar and introduces him to Axl, Izzy, and Steven.  The guys all give Duff a look when they meet Slash – How did one of us ever manage to land someone like that?  Slash gets along well with Duff’s friends; he’s still working on the whole acting-like-a-human thing and they can tell when his behavior is a little off, but they trust Duff’s judgement so they try to be welcoming.  

Duff, however, is not having a good time.  Sure, it’s nice to see Slash doing so well, but all of the insecurities he’s been repressing over the past week are resurfacing all at once.  Just standing next to Slash in public is stressing him out, he can’t stop imagining that everyone around them is judging him, thinking that Slash is way out of his league.  He’s certain he wouldn’t mind so much if he wasn’t so helplessly gone for Slash – now he’s also worried that Slash will realize that there’s plenty of people in the world who are way better than Duff.

Duff excuses himself to the restroom, and a minute later Axl follows and corners him by the sinks.  “Where the everliving fuck did you find this kid? And why the fuck are you just sitting there like a stiff corpse when he’s all over you??”  Axl has always been a confidant for him, so Duff starts to explain how he’s been feeling over the past week, leaving out the bit about demons and hellhounds.  “Duff, you dumb fuck, it’s obvious to anyone with two working brain cells that Slash thinks you’re God.  Enough of this you-don’t-deserve-it bullshit, just make your move!"

They return to the table, where the rest have paid off their tabs and gotten ready to move on to the next bar of the night. “Sorry for keeping you waiting,” Duff says, ostensibly to the group but mostly to Slash.  Then, with his heart pounding and palms sweating, he leans in to give Slash a completely casual peck on the cheek.  

Slash lights up like the sun and immediately latches on to Duff’s arm and leans his head on his shoulder.  He doesn’t let go for even a second as they hit the next bar, and the one after that, and then finally head home and curl up together on the couch.

(holy shit that was way longer than I thought it would be. tagging @fan-with-issues. have a good night folks.)

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 2x22 Chapter Fourty-Four

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Stray thoughts

1) I get that it’s part of the Latino culture, but I kind of wish we would be done with this “women are obsessed over weddings and they dream about having the perfect wedding since they’re young and their whole lives revolve around this one goal”. I could maybe understand if it was about marriage, but it’s about getting married, having a dream wedding, and it all seems so shallow to me. I understand this is a wedding episode, but I wish they would’ve found a new angle instead of relying on the outdated “I’ve dreamed about this day since I was little” trope. It simply puts me off.

2) Will Jane really lose her virginity? Why do I feel she won’t? Like, I feel this is one of those shows that takes its title way too seriously and they will purposefully prevent Jane from having sex as long as they can. And I feel the only way she wouldn’t have sex is if she doesn't get married or if something was to happen to Michael, right?

3) Oh, damn, Luisa is going to be back? Not the moron, again!

4) Jane called Rafael over to share with him that Mateo had just taken his first steps, which was very co-parenting of her and I totally endorse it. Of course, the moment is ruined both for Rafael and me when he’s reminded that Mateo will walk down the aisle during Jane’s wedding to Michael…

And now he’s entertaining the idea of declaring his love to Jane and stopping the wedding? Are we really back to this? This is terrible writing, I’m sorry. Is this the only arc they can give Rafael? Forever pine for Jane?

5)

The cat is out of the bag.

6) Jane and Michael are fighting over the honeymoon arrangements and budget and I feel this doesn’t bode well…

7) Xiomara and Rogelio arrive late and set up in motion a chain of events that end up with Mateo nearly killing the priest during the rehearsal. Jane confronts them and tells them to get their shit together until after the wedding, and I find myself siding with her, for once.

8) Anezka and Magda are planning something sketchy during Jane’s wedding, right? But what, exactly? And more importantly, why? Just out of the evilness of their hearts? Or do they actually have some ulterior motive?

9) Well, for once, the moron didn’t act like a total moron. She actually told Rafael he should keep his mouth shut and let Jane go.

10) Alba ends up confessing that her wedding was actually a disaster and that the veil she’s given to Jane doesn’t actually belong to her family, and they all just... laugh it off? But if I were Jane I would be at least a bit peeved? I mean, this is the wedding story upon which all her fantasies and dreams were built? Alba’s retelling of her perfect wedding is the reason why she’s dreamed about her own wedding since she was a little girl? It’s the second time Alba’s fabricated stories have shaped Jane’s fundamental principles and goals in life and her personality, and I don’t understand why she’s not even slightly bothered by it? Am I crazy? Shouldn’t she be having an identity crisis? And how come Alba is such a hypocrite and no one calls her out on it?

11) Oh, Michael, just when I was starting to like you, you boil down feminism to this…

And this is shown as a very sweet moment between the two of them, they're having this all-nighter about all the important points to discuss before they get married, but… isn’t this a conversation they should’ve had way before the night before the actual wedding?

12) Now, Jane needs to pitch her new thesis on her way to the wedding. She gets her thesis approved, and she ends up having her professor get her into the wedding dress. And this is probably my favorite line in the show so far…

13) Rogelio left the car running with the AC on and now it’s broken down, and Rogelio is having a breakdown. Jane calms him down and they decide to take a bus, which I feel is the perfect way for Jane to arrive at her wedding.

14) And this is how she arrives at the church…

I just love that Rogelio is the one to be by her side throughout this whole ordeal.

15) Ugh, the fucker did it.

Such a selfish, asshole move.

16) Oh, nevermind, he really didn’t. I don’t take it back, though. I still think he’s a selfish asshole.

17) Michael learned his vows in Spanish. That’s very sweet. He’s going to die, right?

18) The choir and everyone in the church telling her to go have sex was a great callback to early season 1.

19) Okay…

How did this little show manage to get huge stars? Britney, Bruno Mars, fucking Charo! (I actually wonder how many people watching the show knew who the fuck Charo is before watching the episode where she had the cameo...)

20)  Petra breaks down after Jane’s wedding, thinking what she just witnessed is something she’ll never attain. Just as she’s crying, one of her babies starts laughing, and she’s instantly reminded of the only true love that matters.

21) Aw, Rogelio called Michael his son.

22) Jane and Rogelio got their own dance routine…

And I just remembered how she was crying while dress shopping with Xiomara after finding out she’d been lied to about her father her whole life.

Also, when exactly would they have found the time to learn and rehearse this little routine...? Makes no sense!

23) Is this… Anezka?

Or has she done something to Petra and taken her place?

24) Is anyone interested in this couple at all?

I mean, what role do they serve other than acting as the token lesbian couple, because there obviously can only be only one of those!

25) Rogelio and Xiomara have a very sweet, honest conversation in which they both admit they still want to be with each other but they haven’t changed their minds about wanting/not wanting to have kids. And again, they prove to be most mature and reasonable people in this show. They did act petty and childish at first, but they always find a way to have an honest, grown-up conversation about whatever is bothering them, and most importantly, they don’t let whatever that is draw them apart. They might not be together right now, but they will continue to care for each other.

26) Anezka is apparently paralyzed, except…

Called it. By the way, how does Anezka manage to speak perfect English when she pretends to be Petra but she reverses back to her broken English when she’s herself? It doesn’t make any sense. And what is the end game of this plan? Just woo Rafael? Get the hotels and his money? Well, I guess this is an answer…

27) Oops. I guess Xiomara got her wish…

Why do I feel Rogelio will end up raising the kid with her?

28) Jane and Michael are getting it on, and now he stops to go get some ice for the champagne, and I’ve got this nagging feeling he won’t be back…

29) Well, that happened.

(he looks like he’s about to sneeze)

30) And this is pushing my suspension of disbelief…

I guess this is why the moron fell in love with Michael’s partner.

I’m really not “wow, holy shit!” about this because I always felt they would bring Rose back, and it also doesn’t feel like an earned plot twist, you know? Usually, this type of plot twists work better when they shock you but you also feel like a fool because the clues had been there all along. This reveal? Not so much. They did plant the seeds in this very same episode, but that’s hardly good writing.

31) Well, that was an extremely soapy finale. There are so many loose threads it’s difficult to keep track – Michael got shot and we don’t know if he’s dead or alive, Rose is back, Rafael and “Petra” slept together, Petra is petrafied, AND Xiomara is pregnant. Although it was a very entertaining hour, I feel the show only manages to keep me thoroughly entertained during high stakes episodes like this, a finale. A whole lot happened in this hour, but not enough during the season, in my opinion. And we still need to see how all of these plots that have been set up will carry to season 3. There are many things about this show that I’m kind of done with, and to be honest, I haven’t really seen what everyone seems to see in it, why it is supposed to be so great. Two seasons in, and I’m still not sold. Except for Rogelio. Rogelio is a cinnamon roll and should be protected at all costs.

32) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!