#obviously I needed to make pony suffer

[vaultedoverthehorse]

Ponyboy is the clingiest person ever when he’s sick.

This boy will literally cry if he wakes up alone. He could have the smallest fever ever and he’ll wake up and just “soda darry 🥺” and his brothers run in and instantly comfort him (soda refuses to leave the room until darry makes him). When he was a kid he’d literally hold onto his mother’s leg so that he wouldn’t be alone when waiting for his brothers to get back from school.

Johnny’s seen sick and clingy Pony, obviously - they’re attached at the hip. But I think STEVE saw Pony sick once when they were young and he just like…sat with him until he fell asleep because Steve is the same way he just doesn’t express it.

[lucabyte]

On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.

Bonus:

[snowmeow03]

I suddenly realized that as a pegasister, I have never formally drawn ponyplates (hoofplates??) in my way, so suddenly (literally 3am in my time zone) I wanna give it a shot.

I thought about Gaster's cutting, and in theory, since he's not a skeleton anymore, shearing his fur is obviously the best choice. But I feel that it doesn't capture the vibe of him “ripping apart his own body", so in the end, I chose to let him cut his horn. Hmm, maybe the body part full of magic is a must to create baby ponies.

Theoretically speaking, it's more reasonable for both of the brothers to be unicorns, but when I pictured Papyrus, I see him more as a pegasus. Well perhaps there're some pegasus in pony Gaster's family tree. But there's kind of a problem that Pegasus can already fly, how can I show the "special" of Papyrus? So, like, why not make Papyrus only have one wing! Perhaps another one was chopped off by Gaster to prevent him from escaping or something. Sans, I really can't imagine any way to disguise his blind eyes as well as showing his unique eye sockets, I mean, since he's not a skeleton anymore (again). In the end, I chose the latter between fidelity to the character and making sense, although this made them a bit less recognizable (sadly)

I hesitated for a long time about the cutie mark. Gaster’s was more straightforward, I needed to came up with something that is related to science but can also reflect the fate of "doing experiments", so I settled on this thing (funny enough, I still don’t know what it’s called, even though it’s probably common knowledge...?). In fact, I also want to express an abstract concept of "recording", including recording the timeline, "recording" the changes in Dreemurrs' and the underground world, and "recording" Radic's actions? Unfortunately, I really can't find a way to reflect the fate of falling into the core on it! The cutie marks of the brothers is much more difficult because they do not have a very specific hobby/lifestyle (like science for Gaster) to represent themselves, which is complicate - if I have to pick, I think their representative items are scarves and socks (...!) - although Papyrus loves puzzles, using puzzles as cutie mark cannot reflect his most important principles and personality, and Sans is even more difficult to handle. In short, their representatives are very abstract, and I find it so hard to summarize their very selves with a single mark on their flank! At last I tried to consider after combining the characteristic of "brothers", positive and negative. I always feel that Gaster's red scarf represents his kind heart, inherited by Papyrus along with the scarf itself, so it naturally occupies a place in his mark (unlike socks to Sans, lol). Sans' mark is more abstract, those things can actually be seen as dissipating dust or as a part of lost head, representing, uh, some obvious things...I guess? I actually even considered using the shapes of the souls Gaster gave them, representing Gaster himself who plays a huge part in their lives, but well it's a little bit tragic if you think about that, their lives should be less of him (in the sense of experiments), so I didn't do that in the end.

I also considered about the clothes. Well...Different from monsters, ponies normally don't wear clothes, in this situation it'll be weird if Gaster specially made lab clothes for the brothers to wear, so I l just let them go naked. Once again, the recognizability has unfortunately decreased...! (also about Sans' clothes, I don't think ponies actually "need" pockets...right?)

Yeah and about the plates, I literally cannot figure out where the plates should go, Gaster was trying to make sure the brothers suffer as he wanted to cut ties with them (at least that's what I thought), so they can't be anything like horseshoes. Tags on the ears are great, but still a little bit off, and I can't think of any "plates" fits both settings of pony and handplates... So I ended up going with brand marks (actually I set this for Dreemurrs in alterplates as well). As for the placement? I think they shall be the lower half and it'll be too screwed up if they were on the cutie marks, so hind legs it is. I don't think ponies wear pants, so I made the brothers wear leggings.

btw I think the brothers got the cutie marks right after Sans yeeted Gaster into the core (welp)

[made-my-peace-with-all-the-bad]

Lore update: still there, still bored but I’m gonna yap now

Darrel Curtis, my beloved, im going to make him suffer bc this is what I think happened after Pony got back from Windrixville and how his and Darrel’s relationship was super rocky for a little bit.

Darrel obviously hates himself for hitting Pony, it’s his biggest and deepest regret. He would do anything to take it back. And Pony knows this, but he still holds a quiet anger and fear about it. At the hospital though, he hugged Darrel and watched his oldest brother just absolutely breakdown. That was the first time Pony ever saw Darrel cry. And Darrel is normally a silent crier, but these were full on sobs that fought their way out of him and suffocated him.

It’s when they went home that the weight of what happened was even more prominent. Because Pony became flighty around Darrel. Pony was quieter, even more so than normal. And then, about two weeks after it happened, after Johnny and Dally died, Darrel came home frustrated. He had a long day and needed home to not be difficult today. And then Pony came in when Darrel was in the kitchen. He asked a question when Darrel was facing away and Darrel spun around so fast that pony was shocked. And it killed Darrel when he watched his baby brother, the kid he used to rock to sleep when he was a baby because of how much he loved him, the kid whose middle name he picked out, flinched away from him. It took everything in Darrel to not lose his mind right then and there. He knew he was tearing up and he saw the fear in Pony’s face. In that moment, Darrel hated himself so much that he genuinely contemplated whether or not he was good for them or not. If he was capable of hurting his baby brother, why was he still a good person to keep them with? That night, Darrel had a full blown panic attack about it and Pony was getting water and walked past his room. Pony heard it all and he pushed in the door to come in and sit with Darrel. (He kinda stood in the doorway with the “mom I threw up” expression). Then he kinda sat down next to Darrel and took his hand and just hugged him, then all of a sudden soda was in the room too. They just sat there with Darrel, trying to get him to breathe and calm down.

After that, Darrel and Pony sat down and had a full conversation that established how sorry Darrel was, how it would never happen again, that pony didn’t hate Darrel, and yes, he wanted to stay with Darrel. Since then, they’ve been better. Darrel is more patient, Pony is less bitter, and they make it known how much they care about each other.

[sinkjustlikeastone]

Listen to me ramble about amputee Soda okay. BE WARNED THO ITS A LIL GORE-Y FOR A SEC THERE

I’m no longer waiting for someone to ask me. Let’s talk about Soda okay. Specifically my dear and beloved amputee Soda (which is an hc that I found in my notes from when I first read the book in 7th grade btw).

SO! Since it is apparent unspecified in the book what event Soda rides in. Bareback. Because I said and as a country person I would know. Rule of thumb for this post is as a country person I would know.

So obviously in the book Soda had to stop riding (because he tore his ACL I believe) BUT I have made it more tragic.

Instead, due to a series of events, Soda’s leg is absolutely *shattered*. Like. Bones sticking out shattered. Terrible, disgusting, think ten times the worst injury you’ve ever seen. (To continue on, the series of events which I mentioned is that he gets hung up and kicked, comes off the horse and lands on the leg weird, proceeds to be knocked to the ground and stepped on at full bucking force twice, and then additionally is stepped on by the pickup man’s horse that is throwing a fit. This is a goshdamn dangerous sport and this is all fairly possible. I want to say rare but honestly shit happens)

And obviously the exact second anyone sees it they know it’s all over. His family is worried for his life.

And his life doesn’t end but his career as a bareback rider who had *just seconds before his injury* qualified for the NFR (National Finals Rodeo for yall who have no clue what I’m talking about. Go watch a rodeo holy shit).

None of his family, him included, actually know how it works to be lacking a limb.

What they learn is that it’s expensive. That goshdamned prosthetic is expensive. But they want for Soda to be able to continue on with his life, so they take that chunk out of their bank account and do this for him.

It takes Soda a long time to figure out how to walk good. And he suffers awful phantom pain, especially after waking up from a gore-y nightmare about the accident that’s printed to the back of his eyelids.

but again things continue on. So yay for that!!!

now for just the bullet points cause I can

-he’s absolutely torn about not getting to ride anymore

-he can fight still. Ask the soc whos ass he kicked at the rumble. Maybe he’s not too fast but bro can pack a punch or six

-Darry and Pony try to be sympathetic to the fact that Soda still can have a hard time (mentally) but they really just don’t understand until they loose their parents. Because until then Darry and Pony had never truly lost anything, and Soda had.

-soda can’t bring himself to go to rodeos anymore because it makes him so so sad

-is the Ultimate Annoyed because yeah sure girls flirt with him a lot but after the accident all the flirting feels like sympathy and he don’t need that from them

-is even more drawn to Chet than before because Chet is still an absolute BITCH to him (just. Just a little. It’s guy flirting but soda can’t see that) and it makes him unreasonably happy

-like their first interaction after the accident goes like: “Hey, grease!” “Yup.” “I’m gonna kick your ass to Canada if you don’t get the fuck out of my sight” “ain’t ya gonna be nice to me cause a this” “I’ll keep it as a souvenir if you keep talking”

-but then they fall in love ofc

-the leg is names Angelica by the way.

-he wears long pants to cover it up even tho everyone knows about it, and compensates for that covered skin by Never Wearing A Shirt

-he absolutely uses it as an excuse for everything. Like sometimes it’s reasonable but sometimes it’s like “soda can yo pass the peas?” “No.” “Why” “Angelica.”

-at first he was really self conscious but after a good while he gets used to it and isn’t as bothered

-“Do you need help-“ “YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!”

-(I’ve written this part into the thing I’m writing but) Chet: is there anything you can do with just your hands? Soda: YOU

-two bit had hidden Angelica as a prank on more than one occasion

-soda also uses crutches instead of Angelica sometimes

-“you have two feet for a reason!” “HOLY SHIT ITS A MIRACLE!”

-“I’m gonna kick your ass.” (Proceeds to swing angelica unthreateningly in pony’s direction)

-“WATCH THIS!” (Stands for .5 seconds without Angelica and then has to get stitches on his head from falling down the porch steps)

“Don’t do horses kids” whenever anyone asks what happened (in reality tho he probably talks to people about how dangerous rodeo is. He tries to talk Chet and Dally out of competing but they won’t listen)

-“I’m not clumsy at all.” (Falls. Stitches again cause he hit the table)

-(has his leg showing) twobit: “you’re gonna scare the kids” soda: “what kids?” Twobit (joking): “Me.”

-“I’ll shove it up your ass no hesitation.”

-talks to Angelica casually to annoy Darry

-he let two bits little sister paint the “nails” on Angelica because “she wants to be pretty”

don’t question me for hells sake I did my research best I could and I know a lot about rodeo and stuff so like. Kindly correct me if I’ve been offensive but babe. On the topic of is this accident possible I know. I am aware. I have seen shit. Nothing this bad but this similar. Also go watch eight seconds it’s a true story people ACTUALLY HAVE DIED so don’t come after me on that bit. Hope you enjoyed.

BUT TALK TO ME ABOUT IT I BEG YOU

[jomiddlemarch]

in the middle before I knew that I had begun

Every visit to Rosings was a trial. As a small child, it had perhaps been most bearable, Darcy whisked away to the nursery where his cousin Dickon was often already settled, making the most of the hobbyhorse which Anne was too young to mount and which would be of little use to her as she would expected to ride side-saddle as soon as she was put upon a pony. Anne’s nurse was apt to ply them with shortbread to get them to behave properly, unlike Darcy’s nurse at Pemberley who would not have hesitated to box their ears. They were brought down to the drawing room for a quarter of an hour, standing as still as they could, Dickon having invented the game he called living statues to help pass the time. It would stand Darcy in good stead over the years, especially when he was most in company. At Rosings, they would be inspected, praised by Darcy’s mother, criticized by Aunt Catherine, and offered cakes by Dickon’s mother, who was quite plump and fussed least about crumbs and sticky fingers.

Returning every year was an obligation, one which only grew more binding after his mother’s death, though her absence was keenly felt, unblunted by time as Georgianna grew to resemble her. Her daughter was more like her in manner than in coloring, though she had her fair and unblemished complexion. Darcy could no sooner have stayed away from Rosings than gallop to the Moon upon a road of starlight, a fanciful image he’d conjured for Georgianna one night when she was recovering from a childhood illness, still fretful from her fever. If their mother had lived, perhaps he might have visited friends, stayed in London and made a wider acquaintance than that of the Bingleys, however fond he was of Charles. As it was, it was Darcy’s fondness which kept Charles from suffering more than one visit to Rosings, a boon even the sunny-natured Bingley was deeply thankful for. Darcy went, Georgianna accompanying him if her health allowed, the only argument Aunt Catherine would ever countenance, and he sat through dull afternoons and duller dinners, dull vintages and even duller volumes in the Rosings library. He listened to his cousin Anne play endless sonatas competently but without any particular feeling and he did his best to keep from striking the sycophant vicar Mr. Collins his aunt had given the Rosings living to; unlike her, Darcy was not remotely pleased by the man’s obviously intricately planned adulatory remarks, the slavering expression in his rather small eyes every time he uttered the most-esteemed Lady Catherine de Bourgh, an appellation Darcy felt did not need to be mentioned in every third sentence. 

A visit to Rosings was a trial and an obligation, a chore and a burden, until he arrived and found a stranger at the pianoforte, a vibrant, chestnut-haired young woman in a very simple muslin gown, his cousin Anne sitting beside her. Anne had never looked more sallow and sickly, her costly gown and jewels emphasizing her frailty in contrast to the bloom of the woman beside her, whose hair was held back by a plain ribbon fillet, her only adornment a modest little cross of some dark stones. She was playing the piano with more zest than accuracy and Darcy was dismayed to be unsure which aspect was pleasing Anne enough to make her pallid lips curve in a small but entirely genuine smile.

Anne stood when she saw him while the woman stopped playing but remained seated. He walked over to greet his cousin, bowing smartly while she made a gesture akin to a curtsy, the formality due their stations far outweighing any mild familial affection they might have for each other.

“Cousin Fitzwilliam, welcome. If you are here, you must have already seen Mama who have advised you to come. I hope your journey was not too taxing and that you will stay here a while and enjoy some music. My new companion, Miss Elizabeth Bennet, came just last fortnight. She is the cousin of the vicar and Mr. Collins was only too glad to discover he might have been able to in any minute way be of service to me, and by extension, my most-esteemed mother, Lady Catherine,” Anne said. She’d spoken more words than Darcy had ever heard her utter at one time, and though she was still quite pale and her curls rather lank and drooping, there was an unusual animation in her tone. She turned slightly to face Miss Bennet. “That is how he said it, wasn’t it, dear Elizabeth?”

“I believe he was only too glad and most assuredly blessed beyond measure,” Miss Bennet replied. She had the finest dark eyes Darcy had ever seen and her voice was confident and gay, far different from every other companion he’d ever encountered, women most often faded misses of indeterminate age who spoke little and softly, nearly always offering only an affirmation.

“That’s him exactly. He’d pressed his hands together as if he were about to give a homily in the pulpit and Mama gave him her falcon-sighting-prey glare and he only nodded his head several times,” Anne said. 

“He was honest though. I’ve never met someone as delighted as Mr. Collins is to render even the most insignificant service to Lady Catherine and I myself am certainly fortunate to have been offered the position as your companion,” Miss Bennet said. Darcy had never heard a companion speak so frankly to her betters about her role and felt he ought to be disgusted. Instead he was diverted, a condition he experienced rarely.

“I am the fortunate one, as you are far more lively and engaging than I could ever be. I’ve never known the days to pass so quickly,” Anne said.

“They shall pass quicker still when your strength improves and our walks about the countryside are more extensive,” Miss Bennet said, a remark which could have been cutting, as if might have been if Miss Caroline Bingley, Charles’s rather odious sister, had spoken it, but which was only imbued with a gentle, genuine warmth and kindness. “Though you risk a muddy hem three inches deep when you join me and your mother may be as disappointed in your deportment as she was in mine. I must admit, Mr. Darcy, I did not bow my head and offer an apology. Indeed, my courage rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”

“You are singular, Miss Bennet,” he said.

“And you have not even heard me attempt ‘Les deux petits savoyards,’” she countered, moving her hands back to the pianoforte’s keys.

“Oh do play, dear Elizabeth,” Anne said and Darcy inclined his head in agreement, at a loss for words. The melody began, quite spirited, much like the musician herself and Darcy realized this visit to Rosings was itself singular.

For he had fallen in love. With his Cousin Anne’s paid companion. A servant.

Somehow, he’d have to find a way to marry her.

Written for Janeuary 2025 @janeuary-month day 7, prompt: servant.

Posted in the better late than never spirit.

[alaskan-wallflower]

Can you go more into your mental health hcs for Ponyboy like the body checks, addiction, etc

Sure!-obvious tw for addiction, eating disorders, self harm and suicidal ideation

Si obviously I think Pony used to suffer from chronic pain from track—even prior to his parents dying like he would just have splitting pain in his legs. So he started taking aspirin. He kinda noticed that the aspirin made his pain go away, and it also just made him feel better in a way. So once his parents died was when he started abusing the aspirins. He knew it took away physical pain, but would it take away mental pain? He didn’t know, but he also knew that the aspirin made him tired. So taking that much aspirin just became the norm for him. He’d feel pain, he’d want to sleep it off, he’d take 5+ aspirins, he’d be knocked out. I did read a fic (i think it was by @outsidersheadcanons) called Cold Turkey (one of the few fics i have read but it’s amazing, i’d totally recommend it) where they talked about Pony’s addiction and I agree with a lot of it—since aspirin tends to wear away your stomach walls, Pony had gotten a number of ulcers I think…his liver was also not doing so good either. He was hospitalized for having a failing liver (maybe it even got so bad he needed a liver transplant) but that was when Darry found out and he was pissed. Well not pissed…worried out of his mind, which came out as anger. He starts hiding medicine and is the one to administer it to Pony now. Like he hides all the medicine where he knows Pony won’t find it or get to it and god forbid he does Darry hides it again.

Mental illness…Pony definitely has some depression going on. It’s not so bad sometimes, some days it’s something that he can push down, some days it’s just a lingering feeling and other days it’s so bad that he can’t get out of bed. It really only started once his parents passed a way. Darry didn’t know what to do when that happened, he’d usually make Pony get up and at least eat something, especially fresh after their parents deaths, and post book he kinda realizes the true extent of Pony’s depression. Post book when Pony’s having a hard time eating, Darry is absolutely quick to try and get him in the right track because he’s so terrified that Pony’s going to end up liking how the pain of not eating feels, (Darry used to have an ED) but Darry gets so freaked out that he just physically tries to make Pony eat, and will try to encourage him to. Pony doesn’t notice but Soda does-Darry physically starts shaking around meal times because he hates seeing his baby brother not eating and he’s scared he’s going to slip through his fingers. I think Pony just did that because of how numb he was.

Body checks…well, I have a headcanons that Pony walked in on Darry self harming when Darry was about fifteen and Pony was nine-Darry very quickly true to just tell him that he was “giving himself tuff scars” so Pony would leave him be (and in his panic he just blurted out the first thing he thought of) and Pony followed along and tried to give himself a “tuff scar” across his neck…that was how Darry was outed, and Pony was nearly hospitalized. But Pony started cutting at 13 when his parents died-he started off with just nicking his legs or armpits when he shaved (do men shave there? idk…) but he started out small with that, and burning his fingers with cigarette butts (i don’t know if him playing chicken with curly was him wanting to forget his own pain or stupid teenage boy stuff) but regardless, Darry had come home early and heard Pony rustling in the bathroom and at first he thought he was raiding the medicine cabinet, and freaked out and literally broke the door down because Pony wouldn’t let him in and all he had to see was the blood. He made Pony show him all the scars right then and there. That was one of the only times Pony had seen Darry panic and cry. He obviously had to tell Soda which Pony begged him not to do-but Darry had to. It’s a weekly thing now, every week they make Pony just show them his arms and legs and chest to make sure he’s not relapsed. They make Darry start doing it too honestly.

Long post…whew

[thefandomenchantress]

I was going to do a post about my overall thoughts on Mouthwashing after I watched a playthrough, but I got a little carried away talking about one specific point, so I figured I'll ramble here and do that later.

(WARNINGS: Mentions of SA, overdosing, guns and death) (And Jimmy in general)

Jimmy is a terrible person (sorry I know it's tradition not to say his name but I'm too lazy to think up something silly to call him every time I refer to him haha). I loved how they used the unreliable narrator trope with him, and how the deaths sorta reflect his (negative) growth in the story and overall themes and stuff.

First, Anya dies. Her death is one Jimmy can easily pretend isn't his fault, even though he's most of, if not the reason she died. He SA'd her and got her pregnant, crashed the ship and forced her to be stuck with him longer, was often rude or hostile towards her, and overall was the main contributor to her deteriorating mental state and her death. But Jimmy can't acknowledge that, so it was her own fault she died. It's not his fault she broke down over every little thing and decided to overdose. And Pony Express was also to blame, right? They laid her off. And Curly's the one who told her that before he was supposed to. So it wasn't completely his fault or even his fault at all, (to Jimmy, I don't believe all this obviously).

Then Daisuke dies. Jimmy has a harder time justifying that it wasn't his fault this time. Jimmy hadn't told Anya to lock herself in Medical and overdose, but it was Jimmy's direct orders that led to Daisuke getting majorly injured. Jimmy, the older, more higher-ranking crew member told him he needed to go along with his plan. Not only that, but Jimmy also manipulated Daisuke by saying that everyone was counting on him and that Swansea would be proud if he pulled this off. For the first time, he acts like he believes Daisuke is capable of doing something right, because now it benefits him. But Jimmy didn't force him to go in the vent, so it wasn't his fault. And how was he supposed to remember Anya said the mouthwash didn't work as disinfectant? Swansea should've waited longer before putting Daisuke out of his misery, he could've fixed it. In fact, Swansea was the reason he was forced to use the disinfectant earlier, so this was Swansea's fault, not his.

Finally, Swansea dies. And this time, Jimmy is undeniably 100% at fault, because he's the one who shot Swansea directly in the face. Swansea was tied up to the chair. Jimmy didn't do it out of self-defense, like what happened in the graveyard minigame. Jimmy stood in front of tied-up, defenseless man who could no longer hurt him, and shot him in the face without hesitation.

Curly's almost the worst of all. Jimmy forced him to suffer as a barely living corpse for months and then made him do things I...Don't particularly want to put in writing. And at the end of it all he assures himself that he's the hero, he did the right thing, because he saved Curly from dying for another twenty years, even though he's the reason the whole crew is in this mess in the first place. All his other heinous actions don't matter anymore, because he finally took responsibility, right?

And I think it's cool that the game slowly makes Jimmy realize that everything is his fault, the crew wouldn't have been stuck here in the first place if it weren't for him. The deaths both show the player Jimmy's true colors over time while forcing Jimmy to finally realize that he is not the victim. He is not better than everyone else. Everything is his fault. And now that he can finally see that...

He needs to take responsibility.

It's just...The sheer AUDACITY of this man. He's so caught up in his own ego it's atrocious. And that makes me love this game so much more, because even if I hate Jimmy with every fiber of my being, this game wouldn't work without him. It wouldn't even be the same game, really. So I guess what I'm saying is that while I hate Jimmy, I loved Mouthwashing.

[indecisive-dizzy]

Hmm,,,,,,,,,, howdy/eddie angst cause they won’t leave my brain

I love them, I love them so much. So they need to suffer >:)

Howdy is a petty ex, I can’t see it any other way

I think they dated in high school, but Howdy’s internalized homophobia kinda definitely ruined things

I think howdy said some… not nice things to Eddie (that he totally doesn’t think about himself haha 😅) and that ended the relationship

Howdy still has feelings, but he still hasn’t fully accepted himself for being bisexual so he pushes them away

Eddie was a hot mess after their breakup, he felt like he failed their relationship even though he tried his best to make things work

What Howdy said stuck with him for years. It was the first time someone he loved told him such things to his face and it haunts him

When they’re adults, Eddie tries to be cordial but Howdy just avoids him and is very bitter either with him

Howdy will never admit it, but in their relationship he liked Eddie more when he was in drag because he could pretend his relationship was “normal”

Howdy is so internalized it hurts but it still didn’t excuse him treating his bf like trash 😔

For extra angst Eddie dates Latter later on and their relationship is actually really happy and healthy

That drives Howdy up the wall, there’s now way someone could like LATTER more than him (I love u latter this is Howdy’s thoughts not mine :,3)

Lizzy tries to be supportive of Howdy’s struggles, but there’s a reason she confided in Latter that she was a lesbian before Howdy :(

Rip Eddie Dear you would’ve loved Chappel Roan

He listens to Pink Pony Club and cries in drag

Casual and Good Luck, Babe give me their relationship vibes

Also Lizzy’s girlfriend is called Gabby and she’s very pretty :)

Random but I think they both stood up Daisey at least once lmao

They’re just hanging out with Daisey and something comes up so they have to go and accidentally end up ditching Daisey

They’re just sitting at the bus stop with one of their coats, smoking a cigarette as they’re waiting for the bus. If they had a nickel for the amount of times that’s happened, they’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice /ref

Either way I think they need to talk it out. And Howdy needs to smooch a man without being ashamed of it- *cough cough* Barnany- *cough cough*

My brain is full of them so this seems kinda random lmao

Have a good day/night pookie :D

The Grinch ass smile I smiled when I read "Howdy is a petty ex" lmaooo HE IS. This man in insufferable and I want to put him in a blender (affectionate)

Howdy projecting his internalized problems onto others sob. my brain came up with the idea that the things Howdy said he didn't say in a purposefully offensive way? like "well yeah duh everyone knows..." like Obviously this thing he hates abouts himself is common sense and everyone thinks this way??

idk I just don't think he started it trying to be offensive. but it was and turned into a full shouting match as Eddie got offended/hurt and emotional. Eddie left crying (sobbing)

cough Eddie pretends he either forgot Howdy all together or at least their relationship cough. blames his bad memory to be respectful and Not Have To Talk About It. Eddie with avoidance tendencies <3 my poor bbg

You're so right. Howdy already disliked Latter (gee wonder why) but now he's in a relationship with His EX. AND They're happy and healthy! Howdy's Gonna blow a fuseeee

Eddie Dear is just like me fr. I Listen to Pink Pony Club and cry. Not in drag, but that's a skill issue lol

Poor Daisey 😭😭🤣 also, reference spotted. I have way more than two nickels for everytime I've seen this ref. I could buy a yacht!

They dooo, but Howdy's bitterness and Eddie's avoidance of the subject make it Difficult. God it'd be so funny and if Frank (or Latter?) and Barnaby teamed up (unlikely duo my beloved) to Force them to talk.

Barnaby get that "If You Were Gay" song and kiss that worm akdhajdja I think it'd fix him 🤣

[yes0another0outsiders0blog]

Finally rereading The Outsiders like I said I would. I think I'll probably be doing a chapter a day, even though it's short enough that I could probably bust it out in one or two sittings. I'm really prone to burnout and I am trying to write a bit each day and I have a job to work and adult tasks to do and such, so a chapter sounds like a good goal with that considered.

Also, I'm sick as a fucking dog while reading this first chapter. Not relevant, just a little fun fact.

Anyway, have my thoughts while I read it!!

The Outsiders Reread : Chapter One Notes

less than a page in and I'm already tired of Ponyboy being Not Like The Other Girls

he's 14, that's positive, I should not be able to stomach a well-written 14 year old on account of them acting very 14, but also shut the fuck up

"yeah, I read books, unlike EVERYONE ELSE" go to hell

not to intentionally misread and water down a character, but Ponyboy saying "but sometimes I just don't use my head" is literally all you need to fucking know. that's it, that's the book

we get it, Pony, you come from a very hot family, yall are all conventionally attractive. paragraphs, ffs

also, I love that Soda doesn't drink. that he has a drunk on life attitude. could absolutely never be me, love that for him, unfortunately I fw Two-Bit's vibes with alcohol a bit more--

and the fact that Soda is the only one that can tease Darry.

there isn't a single positive thing said about Dallas besides "I didn't like him, but he was smart and you had to respect him." but frfr he's so great.

but if I met any of these fuckers irl Soda is the only one that I'd have a chance in hell at not hating. and that's only because he seems like he'd be enough of an emotionally/socially intelligent people-pleaser to actively try to get someone to like him, lol.

kinda salty about Johnny being called the gangs pet, wtf Ponyboy. not like he's one person's main reason to live, is SUCH fucking ride or die, later kills a man for Pony. but yeah, he's a pet. he tags along. what the fuck ever, man. if anything, Ponyboy (you know, the person that's mainly part of the gang bc he tags along with his older brothers, the BABY of the group, the quiet & sensitive one that doesn't have a single braincell outside of pure booksmarts) is the pet. like, sure, Johnny has trauma and is really quiet, but let's be so fr right now.

despite what is said in the book (bc it's Ponyboy's pov so we only get his perspective, obviously) I'm sure Darry gets after Soda too.

also, oldest children that become parental figures in some degree are allowed to be mean to their baby siblings. it's our right. as a 20-something year old with a young teen baby brother with common sense in the negatives, I am very biased in saying that Darry is always objectively 100% correct in every situation ever (heavily exaggerating, I just relate a lot).

forever mad that we don't get more Sylvia!!! my most random fav!!! so much love to her!!! she's basically an oc with how little we get of her and how many headcanons I have, I don't even really like the main fanon version of her either, but GOD she's my girl fr

NO BECAUSE WHEN I WAS 14 IF SOMEONE PULLED THEIR OWN KNIFE TO DO A DISSECTION THE WAY MY TONGUE WOULD BE DOWN THEIR THROAT. Ponyboy, babygirl, you did NOT deserve for that girl to hate on you like that. RUDE.

"Dallas deserves everything he gets, and should get worse, if you want the truth." agreed, that's my though process as I'm making the nastiest headcanons for him. my life's goal is to make this man suffer or make him into a loser, and all my hcs do both

breaks my heart so much how Ponyboy talks about Darry, leave my boy ALONE, dude!!!

my headcanons for Darry are usually the exact opposite of my hcs for Dally, I just want this guy to have the very best ong. I'll get so unrealistic with it too, bitch, YES I'll give you an absolutely stunning sugar mommy, babe!! just stop being stressed and stop having bad things happen for a few minutes!!! I almost struggle making in character, good headcanons for him because I just want to give him fluff and filler only and nothing else--

[oopdeathnote]

@juicequeen21 did a past literally ages ago about Death Note Horse AU and as a horse girl I would love to write a fic but I simply do not have any ideas for a plot, so here are some headcanons instead

Death Note Horse AU Headcanons

Light is just bad at horse riding. You really need to be good at accepting where you went wrong and keeping a level head to be good at horse riding, and Light is neither of those things.

He has all of the equipment, multiple matching combos of jackets, gloves, jodhpurs/breeches and hat silks, the cleanest tack this earth has ever seen, and you think he’s going to be really good at it but he just sucks.

L has the same ratty old crop he has had since he was seven, the material covering the handle as mostly peeled off. He does not wear gloves, and only wears a hat when he’s forced to. But he’s really good at riding.

I imagine Light has a horse that’s a little too fancy for him. Like, it’s not one of those completely insane thoroughbreds, but Light definitely doesn’t sit still enough and the horse is like ‘do you want a lead change? Backwards? Do you want backwards? Sideways perhaps?’

It’s a chestnut thoroughbred gelding (boy horse that’s had its bits removed), to match his hair, obviously.

For L, I’m stuck between a pony (small horse) and a horse that’s really too tall for competitions, but I like the mental image of L just towering over Light on his 18 hand (6ft) shire-thoroughbred cross so we’re going with that.

It’s this giant, shaggy horse with hooves the size of dinner plates and its head is about as big as L’s whole torso and L has had it since he was young. They’re bffs. He manoeuvres this massive horse around tight corners with the power of friendship.

Light sees all this and is so unbelievably salty about it. He doesn’t cope well with being bad at something at the best of times, and this just about breaks him.

Light is like ‘i think my horse is just bad’ and L is like ‘alright then we’ll swap’ and Lights horse is like ‘thank god someone component is in charge’. L’s horse is having a great time and just does not listen to Light at all.

The mental of image of Light trying to get on this giant horse from the ground pleases me greatly. Light refuses to get a leg up from L because he’s seen L mount the horse from the ground so he can too >:(

After having time to reflect Light’s hatred of being worse than everyone else wins over and he begs L to teach him

First thing L does is take away Light’s stirrups, and Light hates it. If there is one bit of riding that you will suffer from if you’re tense it’s stirrupless riding, because you need to move with the horse otherwise you end up bouncing on its back. Light is abysmal at it.

L definitely shares apples with his horse

L getting Light to play gymkhana games (had to look the spelling of that up) and Light is super reluctant at first ‘because they’re for kids >:( I am an adult I do not play children’s games >:(‘ but because he’s Light and he’s woefully competitive he gets really into it.

For those who don’t know gymkhana races are things like you have to ride down to the bottom of the school, pick up a ball, get back on the horse with the ball and drop the ball into a bucket (if the ball bounces out you have to get off and put it back in again). It’s really good fun, but also you have to have good control over the horse to win.

I feel like this could be Horse AU’s equivalent to the tennis match

L taking Light on mad canters/gallops up hills to blow off steam

Basically Light learns to actually have fun and by extension get better at riding and L makes a friend

Damn maybe I do need to write a fic now

Feel free to add your own in the notes

[theonlybezo]

A Conversation With God

A short story

"Are you there, God? It's me."

No.

"Excuse me?"

I'm not here.

"What?"

You heard Me. Or rather did not. Because I'm not here.

"..." The praying figure blinked in confusion before speaking again, "But I very much did hear you actually."

Not necessarily. You could be hallucinating. Perhaps there was something in those mushrooms you ate.

"I didn't eat any mushrooms, though," said the figure.

Oh.

"Can't stand them. Very earthy."

Still though.

"What?" The figure seemed even more confused. "What do you mean still though?"

Are you questioning GOD?

"Well, that's just it. I'm not entirely sure."

Oh. That makes sense, given My insistence that I am not, in fact, here.

"Yeah, that hasn't helped the situation."

Mm.

"Yeah." The figure bounced on his heels a few times. "Shame He isn't here."

Oh?

"Indeed. I was hoping to have a prayer answered."

Ha. You and every other human.

"Ah, yes. I suppose that can be a problem."

You have no idea.

"No, I don't suppose I would." The figure scratched his nose idly. "So who are you?"

Eh? Oh. Uhm. Just a voice in the wind. Yes, that seems likely.

"You did answer when I asked for God, though."

Hm.

"Just pointing that out. You might've stayed silent." The figure waited a moment. Perhaps the unknown voice was all in his imagination.

It's not in your imagination.

"Ah. So you can read my mind, then."

Very light reading, honestly.

"Rude."

Honest.

"Hurtful."

Yes.

"Er," the figure paused, unsure how to proceed. "I'm a prophet of God, y'know."

Oh? And which one are you?

"I thought you'd know."

I do know.

"Ah."

I know everything.

"Bit like God?"

Careful.

"Just an observation. As you obviously know, I'm Quel'yth'ron."

Yes. I know. I just don't see the need for all those apostrophes.

"Blame my parents. They delighted in unnecessary punctuation."

Yes. I remember.

"My brother's name is @l@n," Quel'yth'ron said. "And my sister is just an interrobang."

Did I smite your parents?

"I feel like you'd know."

Not that it's any of your business, Quel, but there is a distinct and important difference between knowing everything and also remembering it.

"I see."

Good.

"Though, if you can't remember something, do you really know it?"

Are you a philosopher?

"No, I'm a prophet. There's a distinct but important difference."

Shut up.

"I would, but I feel like that would make things more difficult."

For whom?

"The reader, for one."

The reader. Listen to yourself. Your name has two unnecessary apostrophes and you're suddenly worried about the reader.

"Fair. Are you actually God?"

Not that it's any of your business, but yes. I am.

"Why the earlier denial?"

Do not presume to question the will of GOD!

"Ah. Mysterious ways, then."

Don't be so flippant.

"Sorry. I just really wanted You to hear my prayer."

To what end?

"Answering it, for a start."

Hmph.

"Will You hear my prayer, O God?"

Fine.

"Are you there Go-"

We did this bit.

"Sorry."

Skip ahead, man.

"Yes, alright." Quel'yth'ron took a deep breath, "O God, wouldst thou in Thy infinite wisdom..."

Talk normal.

"What?"

Stuff that 'thou/Thy' nonsense. Just ask me like a person.

"You're not a person."

Careful.

"Ah." There was a long pause.

Well?

"I'm rather nervous about asking now."

Look. I promise to hear your prayer and answer you. Alright? Does that set your mind at ease?

"Not really."

Don't push your luck, prophet.

"Alright. O God, my village is suffering a horrible drought. Can you spare us some rain?"

Rain? I am the GOD of all reality, Creator of Heaven and Earth and you ask me for rain?

"It's really dry."

You live in a desert. On purpose. Of course it's dry.

"It wasn't always a desert."

I'm aware. You humans really messed up the whole ecology. And now you dare to come to Me to fix it for you.

"Well, we can't really do it ourselves."

Don't I bloody well know it.

"Er."

Please GOD, stop the war. Please GOD, punish the unbelievers. Please GOD, can I have a fucking pony!? I'm not Santa Claus, you know.

"Yes?"

He's a giant fat man with a massive P.R. team. Elves, he calls them, but that's not what they are. Goblins more like. Santa Claus can die in a fire. And he WILL.

"Uh," Quel'yth'ron thought that this was not the best time to interject. God tended to get all wrath-y and smite-y when in full rant mode. Nevertheless, he was unable to stop himself. "It's just rain."

Just rain. Ha! Just rain now, perhaps. But where does it end? When do you humans pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and take responsibility? Bloody never if I have to keep bailing you out of all your problems. Problems, I might add, which are completely and entirely your own fault.

"..." Quel'yth'ron let the silence hang in the air, tensing slightly at the echo of the words in his bones. He also was trying very hard not to think about the fact that completely and entirely were redundant terms. Perhaps God thought that redundancy was emphatic, like those strange people who put quotation marks around words instead of *asterisks*.  "Is that a no?"

Is that a no? That's you. That's how you sound, prophet. Believe me, if I tell you NO you will have no doubts whether or not I did, thank you very much. Is that a no? The cheek of you.

It's because you didn't actually expect Me to answer.

"I..." Quel'yth'ron stared at his sandals for a while. This had not gone at all according to plan, and it was a prayer he had practiced a great many times. In the not-shower he didn't take most mornings. Because of the drought.

"What?"

You don't believe in Me, prophet. I can see your heart. And, more importantly, I can see your brain where the thoughts actually are. You don't believe I exist even though you claim to be my prophet.

"Bit of a giveaway, though. You talking to me now."

Have you considered that you might be insane?

"Er."

You do live in a desert. On purpose.

"But-"

But nothing, prophet.

"Everyone has to live somewhere."

No one has to live. Anywhere. Ever heard about the Flood?

"We could use it, honestly. What with the drought."

You're very casual with the Almighty, prophet.

"Well, I might just be insane."

Ha!

"I don't think so, though."

You barely think at all. None of you humans ever do. You just stare at shiny rectangles.

"Phones?"

You can't possibly expect Me to remember the names of every dumb little thing you lot concoct.

"They're quite important."

They're quite important!? They've only been around for fifteen years or so. That's fifteen of the six thousand years since the dawn of Creation. I swear to Myself that everytime one of you lot manages to stop masturbating long enough to hammer something together, you suddenly believe that you're the be-all and end-all. Quite important!

"Wait, what?"

Which part is unclear to you, prophet?

"Look, I know there are people that believe that we've only been around for six thousand years."

Yes.

"But they're...y'know, idiots."

Ha! Here you are speaking directly to the Creator of all things, and He is telling you directly that those people are one hundred percent correct, and you call THEM idiots.

"One hundred percent correct?"

Absolutely.

"What about science and engineering? Dinosaur bones?"

That was a test. Some of you passed. Most of you did not.

"I don't understand."

No. I do not suppose you would.

"Why though?"

I've banished angels to Hell for less than the tone you are currently taking with Me.

"So I'm supposed to just accept that all human knowledge is folly?"

Yes.

"Ah." Quel'yth'ron paused, scratching idly at his scruffy beard. "We've had phones for more than fifteen years."

I meant the shiny rectangle ones. With the pornography and suchlike.

"Ah, the smartphones."

The cheek of it. Smart. Hmph. As if anything your puny minds create contains even a spark of the Divine.

"Well."

None of you use them as phones anyway. You just look at pictures and videos. Graven images, I reckon. Don't you people read my Commandments?

"They've become more of a prop for right-wing nutbars."

Those right winged nutted bars as you call them are my Chosen.

"Gross."

What?

"Nothing. Uhm," Quel'yth'ron scratched his forehead in concentration. "You know what?"

I know everything.

"Look, it's a figure of speech."

Sounds a bit graven image-y.

"Moving past that, I think I have changed my mind."

Oh?

"Yup. I no longer want your help."

I was never going to give it to you.

"Yeah, that's become quite clear."

Still though.

"You were right before. I don't believe in you. And I think I have possibly gone insane. Honestly, it's starting to seem like the whole world has."

Well, at least it won't be much longer.

"No, I expect not. We'll destroy ourselves and you'll start over."

Not necessarily.

"Oh? There's hope after all?"

No. I just may not start over. This whole process has been a huge disappointment.

"Ah."

Yes.

"Probably for the best."

Probably.

"What should I tell my village when I go back?"

I recommend you do what all prophets do.

"And what is that?"

Lie.

The End

[windtraces]

anyways after sleeping on mouthwashing i habe thoughts i guess. got longer than i thought and is pretty incoherent and pretty mixed in with my own trauma and responses to it so ummm under the cut it goes

obviously the game represents how men cover for each other after sexual assault in real life. this is obvious to everyone who has eyes. however i do not know what the fuck curly could have done in that situation because maybe i'm The Fawner but i also would have rushed into trying to appease jimmy until the trip was over so nothing bad would happen. which tbh feels representative of how a lot of men irl feel about that situation, so honestly, putting them in a scenario where there really isn't a chance to call jimmy out in any meaningful or more importantly safe way is a pretty brilliant move. honestly, maybe they could have tried to put him in a cryo pod. the last minute addition of daisuke to the crew implies that either they really can just have a fluctuating crew and still have everything run safely, or that pony express just. doesn't give a shit. or both. pony express definitely doesn't give a shit. i'm mostly just rambling here to help process my own thoughts on stuff i think.

it's just. very relatable to me. i'm the kind of person who absolutely hates to take any kind of action until i'm sure it's safe. that makes it hard for me to really condemn curly for anything because his actions read less as "i forgive you for being a monster and i'm still your friend" and more "i need to make you think those things so that nothing worse happens while we're out here and on our own" but that could be me projecting. and of course even if i'm right, that doesn't make any of it fair to anya at all, she was just doomed from the start. it's easy for me to say "i reacted in these ways to my own trauma to keep myself safe" but that doesn't mean that the ways other people react to theirs are wrong. me waiting for well over a decade before ever losing control and trying to confront my abusers doesn't mean that everyone is capable of that. it's just. so. much to me??

which i think in and of itself shows how i reacted to my own trauma. "why are you putting yourself in danger by making anyone acknowledge it." it's a pretty obvious cognitive distortion on my part because logically i know she should have been helped. i just can't think of any safe way for that to happen so i can't get myself to think that it was a good idea. CLASSIC horror movie reaction, "just be smarter and the monster can't hurt you, or at least can't hurt you as bad" and of course my own special response of "keep it quiet and hide it and bury it as deep as you can and it will at least take longer to be a problem"

then again my 2 favorite slay the princess endings are Become Gods Together And Create A New World (thereby being too powerful to ever be hurt again) or Lock Yourself Back Into The Endless Torment Cycle To Ensure The Old World Can Persist (in which you can't bring yourself to destroy the old world because what if the new one is scary or worse or people get mad, so you take the suffering into yourself instead, because you can handle it)

so yeah basically i can't learn the dev's intended message until i go back to therapy i think

[morganandtheemorgana]

Mancini’s Sexist (here’s why)

I’m not bashing him but critiquing his work as I do think while terrible, we also need to acknowledge the misogyny within the series even if it’s horror but it’s becoming very obvious within the franchise and series that Mancini as a writer sucks at writing women in the story as any women that have been introduced had potential to be interesting only to be given the short end of the stick, the low bar or just failed by the writers. Seriously every woman I watched in the franchise and series had something to be interesting to be squandered with best examples:

- Karen was placed into an asylum for most of the franchise and is brought up or mention with her having reduced as just a voice than physical character.

- Kyle is reduced as a stock character who lacks depth or anything alongside with Andy.

- Nica went from an independent badass who can take on Chucky to a character that’s been torture, blamed for the murders, gaslight, sexually degraded to the point her SA is never brought up again as much or be taken seriously by Don or the show as they don’t want “depth”. She’s also sidelined and S3 is painful to watch knowing they’re gonna fumble her getting actual justice. She’s pretty much the whipping child of the franchise and I’m surprised that the fandom sees her as a “useless” character who’s meant to serve as a plushie prize or just for the trio.

- Caroline got retconned into being a psychopath was obviously autisitc but Don purposely threw it out or forgot just for shock value. Another sign of ableism outside of Nica.

- Lexy is constantly sexualized as it goes and made into eye candy but given personality to avoid the obviousness and the fact that she’s a minor

- Bree, Kim, Nadine and Fairchild are killed to be almost bordering on to being meant to serve in a way as a character motivation

- Women of color are brutally killed the most as shown with Bree, Kim, and Clare (Cult) and you look at its more a little graphic

- Is it me or are are the women in the story more villainized into one dimensional characters while the males as shown with Junior and Father Bryce are more nuanced and sympathetic. I mean I like darker female villains but at the same time it needs to be better writing than shitty writing

- Any w/w relationships or women confirmed to be sapphic are fetishized or villainized without any healthy relationship at all as shown with Barb, Jill and co.

- Let’s not forget JT in Seed was made into a full on baby factory and was brought back to make Nica’s situation look “ less harsh” with Nica being “lucky” when not really we both women suffer equally from wrath of Tiffany. Quick side note but I do think disturbingly if the board didn’t let Don chopped Nica’s limbs off, he would have gotten away with a having Nica be given the Seed!JT treatment as a baby factory in reference to Hide and Seek/Cord which is something I don’t want to think about knowing Nica’s mother was pregnant while hostage.

- Controversially I think Tiffany suffers from this as well, hear me out she went from badass complex villain who can be dark but interesting into a dumbass one dimensional bitch who’s pretty much nothing but the fetish who’s a one trick pony to the writers if that makes sense with all the layers that made her a complex villain being gone.

- Charlotte while reasonable is just demonized by the writers to make look less sympathetic when her husband while flawed also gave her a hard time and even cheated on her.

List goes on alongside the men suffering from which I can see that with non other than Andy and Devon but I’m not equipped on giving more expansion to it but what I’m trying to say it’s starting to become more obvious that women are getting more of the low bar with them being reduced into getting brutalized a lot in the series for just shock value or for “edge”

[wintywriter]

Well, I need to add that the showrunners, trying to make the greens look incompetent about their dragons, did show!Rhaenyra a great disservice.

Lemme explain to u. On the one hand, we have the book!universe where:

- Aegon shared an absolutely unique bond with Sunfire which wasn’t a hatchling (!);

- Helaena’s biggest joy was to ride Dreamfire - one of the oldest and largest dragons (Dreamfire literally went insane after Helaena's death);

- Vhagar and Aemond are a pretty badass duo (Vhagar even roars immediately when Aemond loses his fucking eye after…an hour? less?);

- apart from that, Daeron’s Tessaryon also wasn’t a hatchling! He claimed the Blue Queen at a very young age (he was near 6 y.o. if I’m not mistaken), even before he was sent to Oldtown (I mean it’s hard to find a dragon in Oldtown lol).

Basically, all of them were Rhaenyra’s enemies. All of them were competent riders. All of them were the threats. Period.

Rhaenyra needed other dragons because… Her dragons, except Caraxes, weren’t experienced as well as their riders. Rhaenyra didn’t ride her own dragon for a long time (also she suffered because of her terrible miscarriage and probably depression); Meleys, as far as we know, wasn’t in a battle too. Vermax and Moondancer were just sweet summer babies. Finally, after Luke’s and Rhaenys’s deaths her allies had no choice but to try to find other solutions. Jace did that. Addam got Seasmoke (but also, u know, Joffrey wasn’t names as an Corlys’s heir; a suspicious thing in a long-term perspective taking into account how much Addam and Alyn differed from Jace and Joff); Nettles got Sheepstealler but she was never connected much to anyone else but Daemon (a suspicious thing to Mysaria and Rhaenyra, to be honest); Hugh and Ulf, who weren’t the good guys from the very beginning, got Vermithor and Silverwing (again, a suspicious thing). Rhaenyra basically couldn���t trust all of them. At the same time, she couldn’t help but desperately need them. That was one of the reasons where and why her paranoia started increasing, in my opinion.

Anyway. On the other hand, let’s come back to the show. Aegon has no clue about his own dragon and rides him into the battle being drunk; Helaena doesn’t ride her dragon at all (why did she claim Dreamfire at all I mean?); Aemond can’t control Vhagar normally; Daeron has his first ride on Tessaryon during (!) the dance.

At the same time Rhaenyra rides Syrax perfectly even after a horrific miscarriage (she also jumps, runs, flies for ten fucking days without any support, food and water, without being tired or trapped and so on but who cares); Daemon canonically shares a pretty strong bond with Caraxes and that’s ok; Meleys and Rhaenys are experienced in the battle (when? why? how? we could only speculate about Tryarchy) but does absolutely dump decisions during her battle against Aemond (and a bit Aegon lol). Also Moondancer and Vermax have a pretty decent size… However, Rhaenyra by herself decides to get the dragon seeds. Ok, I got you. Rhaenys is dead and Daemon is… Well, he is flirting with Alys. Ok. Maybe you should talk to him immediately…? Like… Well. Ok. Sorry. Coming back to the topic, Addam claims Seasmoke and wants to serve Rhaenyra; Hugh looks like not a bad guy and Ulf is just a common man and not a bad one too. Everyone is loyal to her. No one has extra motives (especially Mysaria).

How could the showrunners make her to FAIL all of that against… Daeron with a pony-dragon and a desperate Aemond 😀 this is absolutely amusing and has no sense. Obviously, also taking into account all the other changes which were done in her favour. I mean it’s not even stupid. It’s ridiculous.

I never read the books, I just know some vague info about it and mostly just watched the show.

Sometimes I wonder how in the seven kingdoms did Rhaenyra manage to do so bad in the war and why did she even bother with the dragon seeds. Like- yeah sure at the end she won cuz it's her children and then descendants on the Iron Throne, but also- how was it such a disastrous conflict?

Team Green has 4 dragons: Tessarion and Sunfyre (relatively young and small dragons), Vaghar which fair enough is a giant battle hardened dragon (but also old and slow) and Dreamfyre who doesn't even ever fight. So technically they only have 3 fighting dragons.

Team black has: Arrax, Moondancer and Vermax, small but still it's 3 dragons that cannot be that younger than Tessarion. I am not counting Joffrey's dragon cuz it's too small so not apt to fight. They also have Syrax, spoiled but still a decently big dragon I would guess probably around or a bit smaller than Sunfyre. And they have both Meleys and Caraxes, both battle hardened very big dragons with experienced riders despite not being as big as Vaghar. That's a total of 6 dragons against 3 of the greens. When Seasmoke, another battle hardened dragon joined their team, what was even the point of looking for other Dragon Seeds?

The greens had only Tessarion and Vaghar while the Blacks still had Vermax, Moondancer, Caraxes, Syrax and Seasmoke.

Taking in other dragon Seeds is such a risky move as their loyalty cannot be assured. I am also not counting Sheepstealer cuz they couldn't have known Rhena would claim it. But like- how can you loose with these odds? I know Rhaenyra didn't want more of his loved ones to die but girl, is literally war, you already have the advantage and you think the best idea is to grab a bunch of random bastards and give them giant dragons and just "hope they stay loyal to you cuz you were oh so nice to them"?

I love that Rhaenyra lost, even though she initially had an absolute advantage - more dragons, more allies. Here we can again speculate about what kind of queen she would be if she couldn't even win the war being in a much better position than her opponent. She lost her allies and dragons because of her stupid and short-sighted decisions, and eventually Aegon (who was literally disabled at the time) defeated her and fed her to Sunfyre. Poetic, if you ask me.

[hellotailor]

Scott of the Antarctic (1948)

Scott's 1910 expedition to the South Pole is famous for ending in death and disaster, but this 1948 dramatization is so full of jovial post-WWII patriotism that the tragic finale almost comes as a surprise. rarely have i seen such a zealous piece of propaganda for the british stiff upper lip. a real treat for anyone interested in the cultural obsession around polar explorers.

i wound up watching Scott of the Antarctic by chance, thanks to a local screening with a live orchestra playing the score by Vaughan Williams. filmed by Ealing Studios (known for making crowd-pleasing and Extremely British films in the mid-20th century), it offers a surprisingly accurate - albeit simplified - portrayal of how Scott's team prepared and executed their mission.

or rather, it's "accurate" in the sense that it covers the correct timeline and contributing factors to Scott's demise (bad luck; under-funding; prioritizing motor sledges over dogs; hiring unqualified teammembers), while presenting these facts in such an upbeat Boys Own Adventure tone that viewers can enjoy the tragic heroism with an uncritical eye.

lots of scenes with adorable dogs and penguins. an unmistakably Ealing enthusiasm for english lads having an ol' knees-up. not to mention the epic technicolor photogrography accompanied by a stirring score. you can absolutely see why it would be a huge hit with british audiences at the time.

one of the things i find most interesting about these 19th/20th century polar expeditions is the psychology of the guys in charge. it's like running for president or competing in a non-lucrative olympic sport; you have to be a real freak to do it. as a distant spectator, i'm perpetually torn between morbid awe at the indomitable human spirit, and thinking “uh what the fuck is wrong with these guys.”

the english explorers often seem to be laden down with the most hubris, desperate to stick their flag in a new piece of land as the British Empire begins to wind down. and of course they’re convinced that any amount of hardship can be overcome, and suffering must be met by boundless stoicism - an attitude that’s drummed in from childhood by the brutal british prep school system. Scott joined Queen Victoria’s Navy at the age of 13; the kind of formative experience that completely warps your reactions to hardship.

meanwhile the norwegian explorers Nansen and Amundsen (who beat Scott to the south pole) are equally singleminded and eccentric, but often seem to make more practical decisions in terms of basic survival techniques. the main contrast offered in this film is the different ways the British and Norwegian teams treat their dogs.

Amundsen (who never appears onscreen) traveled to antarctica with over a hundred dogs, serving a dual purpose: pulling the sledges and acting as a portable food supply. Scott, who is portrayed as squeamish about killing and eating Man’s Best Friend, opts for a combination of dogs, ponies, motor vehicles and man-hauled sledges. the film makes it clear why this was a bad idea, while tacitly endorsing Scott’s viewpoint by lingering on the cuteness of the dogs. this feels very similar to the weird internal tension between the film’s overall tone (a sentimental celebration of stiff-upper-lip heroism) and the basic fact all this suffering could've been avoided. the stiff upper lip is bad, actually! maybe you don’t actually need to die of frostbite!

obviously i'm not *actually* attempting to backseat drive a deadly journey into the great unknown, but surely the most british element of this movie is the way these guys voluntarily put themselves through a ton of unnecessary pain, failed in their goal to defeat johnny foreigner, and then the apparent moral of the story is "this is good, actually."

(crossposted from letterboxd.)