#obviously I can’t bc I don’t have the money
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femsolid · 3 hours ago
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Hi femsolid, since you and @floatingbook are the only two separate French bloggers that I know of. I wanted to ask on how you deal with colored men in particular middle eastern men. I don’t have a car so I often use Uber I’m thinking of switching to G7 I’m not sure if it’s any better. I have noticed that as drivers they are very aggressive and id prefer not to deal with that. I noticed that they tend to show more aggression to regular women (non Muslim women). I use the metro mainly and bc of that I come in contact with men. I haven’t had many negative experiences but I have noticed people getting more antsy on the metro. I’m also thinking of switching to female only membership only private spaces. I use to enjoy walking in public spaces but men keeping using that as an excuse for small talk. They often approach me and are very persistent. I think it’s ridiculous that I can’t be in public spaces. Do you know any good places in Ile de France? I’m happy we don’t have to beat around the bush about the immigration problem because a lot of these women are problematic too. Both genders ask me for money but it’s mainly women that try to use their children as a prop against me. So many of them are so entitled when asking for money too. I’ve noticed with them they never ask Caucasian French people they intentionally go after other minorities. Also what Arrondissements do you avoid? I once ended up in one part of town where I questioned what city I was in. Those neighborhoods tend to be a hit or miss sometimes people are nice sometimes they aren’t. Anyways please make a post on how to live in France as a separatist. I live in Paris so that makes it easier
I don't keep track of where I'll find more people of colour so I can avoid them, I don't sort through men based on their ethnicities, I don't call muslim women "non regular women", I don't view syrian refugees as a nuisance using their kids (who should be in school but are left in the street by the french government) against me, I don't believe there's an "immigration problem", I know there are more white men raping their daughters in France than there are refugees catcalling you.
What gets me the most is not what you're saying, I've heard it all before, it's the way you're saying it. It's the nonchalance, as if there was a tacit and national agreement on the matter. You probably don't think you said anything racist at all. It's probably the way your family speaks at dinner time, or how your favourite presidential candidate speaks, or how whatever "feminist" space you frequent speaks too. You assume I totally get where you're coming from and will obviously agree and give you some tips on how to avoid those nasty arabs.
So I'm going to tell you something, only because I'm feeling very patient today. Racism is a conspiracy theory. And when you're so used to having racist conversations with your racist friends and family that you think you can actually say shit like that in public, be scared. And stop watching racist news channels.
If I were to make a post about being a feminist separatist in France, you'd probably find it very unhelpful, as it wouldn't address any of your bourgeois problems such as refugee kids begging you for coins.
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rexxdjarin · 7 months ago
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Sigh.
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capetowncapers · 10 months ago
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Kamala Harris really said omg nooooooo I love Gen Z I LOVE them! 🥺 I speak to them on college campuses all the time! 🥰✨ I just also think they’re completely naive inexperienced stupid dumb dumb little babies who know nothing of the world and don’t understand that sometimes you HAVE to actively fund the bombing of civilians bc there’s no other choice your hands are tied 😪 we would love to stop the violence! ☮️🙏🕊️ but we have no other choice no power there’s nothing at ALL we can do 😔 Love Gen Z tho ❤️
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cannot-copia · 2 years ago
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Mental Health Check for the Ghesties! How we doin'?
uh
ive been better
ik i like never respond positively to these asks, I’m sorry whoever you are
but thank you for asking <3
also sorry to those who’ve tagged me in tag games the past while too, i do like them but between working for the past 14 days straight and some more not good things happening irl i have not had time to do them and now i probably won’t find them
#tw for death/illness/unalive thoughts for these tags ig#idk if I’ve mentioned it but#my dad has dementia diabetes lung issues heart issues has fallen/has had strokes and has been on dialysis for 2 years now#long story but we had to put him in assisted living a few months ago#bc we couldn’t take care of him at home anymore he’d fall or try and do things he shouldn’t#(ie drive when he says himself he can’t see and has only 1 working eye)#or didn’t control his bowels/bladder#would cuss us out tell us to go to hell etc#so he’s been there for a while where they are trained to take care of people like that#and he wouldn’t be alone while we are at work and stuff#but he hates it and last time I visited him there he said he didn’t want to be in this world anymore and said how he wanted to step in front#of a bus and stuff which did not help the guilt I already feel about him having to be there#but there is no choice if he didn’t have to be there he wouldn’t be we don’t have the money to pay for it#and now he’s been in and out of the hospital several times over the past few weeks#and went again Monday bc they thought he had another stroke (slurring his words/not walking straight and other things)#they found out he didn’t but what they thought was wrong has been treated and he’s not better#and now they’ve discussed him going to a nursing home or even hospice#but they so far have no plans of discharging him so he’s obviously not doing good#and that’s on top of other things that i don’t feel like i should even complain about when that is going on#so yeah I am not doing the best tbh#been trying not to think about it bc every time I do i feel like either throwing up or crying or both#sorry for the tag info dump#delete later#probably#asks
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steviescrystals · 3 months ago
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thinking about colorado again send help
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sodacowboy · 4 months ago
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fan is on three feet away from me and I can still hear the fizz of the energy drink like a foot and a half away from me
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bongjuiceconcentrate · 6 months ago
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#this is gonna be so tmi sorry i’m advance but#how am i supposed to deal with having a body and every mental illness and stomach problems and throat problems and being ugly and having no#hobbies or life skills or a job#i need to find a job but i also have to deal with my stomach and my throat so i can be well enough to actually move my body to find a job#but i don’t have much money left so i can’t focus on those things either so i’m spending literally hours a day in the bathroom and it hurts#to speak#and i don’t want to feed myself i don’t want to take my meds i don’t want to do anything but get high which also physically hurts also bc#throat#and i have to do PT everyday so i can shit better but i also need to find a job so i can’t waste silly energy on things like that but then i#can’t get a job because i feel like shit and am shitting literally all the fucking time#and obviously the logical thing should be to just take care of my health today so i can be good to#tomorrow to find a job right? wrong actually! tomorrow it’ll be something’s#and the day after that#n the day after that#and every day after that one too!#but no one is actually willing to help me with anything because i am a 1 dimensional human being who spawned yesterday who has never heard#of things like “’building tenacity’ and ‘having structure’ there’s actually nothing wrong with me i’m just lazy i guess!#but if i wanna kill myself that’s wrong and bad and needs to be stopped immediately#other people seem to look at suicidal people and go ‘i have no reason to want to kill myself so other people just need to push it through :)#thug it out lol’ and it’s like actually these are very good reasons to want to die#i have spent the last 9 years actively in treatment actively working on myself actively trying to build a better life#it has only gotten worse#don’t talk to me about getting over to the other side. i’m on it. it’s just as bad as every other one of the sides#life doesn’t ever get better for some people and just because that wasn’t true for you and your life did get better doesn’t mean other#peoples lives every will get better. like it is straight up not possible for me to have a better life. and i know this for a fact because if#it was#i would have it now and i would have had it for a while
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johndonneswife · 6 months ago
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are you and Ayesha planning on having kids? 🥺
nope never ever!
#my opinions on children are too much for tumblr to handle but yeah. don’t want them#have never wanted them#will never want them#the thought of being a mother makes me feel so panicked and sick and depressed#idk i’m the type of person who can’t be held too tightly without freaking out. i need space and i need to be able to do what i want#whenever i want to#ayesha grew up in poverty in pakistan like. eating paper when you’re hungry type of poverty. and i grew up poor / working class in america#and like. idk. i have strong opinions on that too but i won’t get into it here. we’ve just seen too much shit to ever want kids of our own#anyway the thought of having that kind of connection with another human being is terrifying and i don’t want it. my relationship with ayesha#is a choice that we both make#i can leave for work trips at any time without having to worry about her. i can go out. i can go camping. i can make last minute plans. etc#also i just don’t like them enough to have them!! i like playing with my friend’s babies for a few hours#and then giving them back like that’s truly enough for me#being a parent sounds awful. i wish more people would accept that they’re just having kids for the wrong reasons#just bc it’s something to do/you’re expected to have them#i’m also a millennial who can’t afford a house in any of the big cities i want to live in#i’d want to send my kids to private school. sorry but like. i’d want to give them everything i didn’t have and give them whatever edge i can#also school shootings and climate change and child predators. fucking TIKTOK. i can’t#ANYWAY sorry i don’t know when to shut up but like no. i don’t want children 😭#i don’t like them or enjoy being around them and i don’t want to sacrifice my time money autonomy for a child i don’t even want lmfao#i wonder if this is my grandma sending me this ask from beyond the grave#*** I DONT HATE CHILDREN *** i’m excited to have our future nieces and nephews visit and do fun stuff with them and teach them anarchy \m/#aish obviously feels the same about all of this and we’ve felt this way since we met#which is also why i knew i’d be w her forever 🥰
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i-luvsang · 6 months ago
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i hate being on the verge of tears in public !!! and it’s about fucking kpop i need to get a grip!!!!!!!$;73&38&2$.!’$/$3!/‘j$€{€!{£&jhhdjdhwijwgeieiehhejeiddggdneiwiwhuwjeieuebidnejskaowhhrbdieiruruidieieiehndozi&$:$£7:)3&k$$;$&jhdhiahJh
#only feeling a little bit upset tho!!!! RJUDJDK#HAHAHA I DONT EVEN CARE#I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE RESEARCH BEFORE GETTING MY HOPES UP LIKE THIS#HONESTLY FUCK KQ SO MUCH#OBVIOUSLY THEY SUCK BC#DUH ALL KPOP COMPANIES DO#AND I HATE THE THINGS THEY DO MOST OF THE TIME#BUT GOD#IM STILK UPSET#why did i expect anything decent god#basically since last tour i’ve planned and saved up to get vip tix!#ofc to be closer to the stage since i was in nosebleeds last time#but also because vip had hi touch and maybe even meet and greet if those are different idk whatever#and i was so so set on getting hi touch next time they toured#and now their touring and there is no hi touch or meet and greet whatsoever#and the prices are like triple compared to last time#and presale is tomorrow and i don’t even know what to do for tickets anymore#obviously i’m so so excited and lucky and privileged to be able to see them at all#as long as presale doesn’t sell out before i get anything lol#but still#i’m just having trouble getting over this part of it right now :((#and every time i think about it too hard or look at them or listen to their music i get real close to crying!!#i’m just really disappointed and i’ll probably sob about it when i get home to start getting over it lmao#anyways i don’t have any feelings about it tho!!#again i recognize this is such a spoiled thing to complain about and im sorry if its annoying to read abt!!#i so get that#i used to think i’d never even get to go to concerts at all and ik some people can’t#some people can’t even buy albums and that kind of thing so i do apologize for complaining about having money basically#i just saved up for so long and got so excited :((
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fiuorescentbeige · 1 year ago
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hm
#here’s The Thing right#I live with my three best friends#which is amazing and I have thought so much lately about how healthy I’ve been mentally and how long it’s been since I felt really depressed#and that’s a combination of things including meds and hobbies and friends and stable income#but at the beginning of this year I was doing pretty poorly and also was very barely making rent#like by the skin of my fucking teeth#and they knew this#and one of them suggested to the group planning a trip to europe in the fall#and I was like I literally do not know what you want me to say like obviously I can’t do that rn#like I’m not going to stop you all from going bc you have the money to do it and you don’t have to plan around me#but obviously I cant#and so they did and they planned the trip all year and left two days ago and now they are on the trip#and I am alone in our house for ten days#and like I can’t begrudge them wanting to travel#but I also can’t stop thinking why would you suggest and start planning this trip#at the precise time that I’m fucking scraping by and not buying groceries#like obviously I’m invited but at the same time#I’m not really#and by the time I started to make enough money that I could maybe consider it#the trip was already planned and paid for#I don’t know I’m just feeling Not Good and upset with myself for being a failure of an adult#and upset with my friends#and upset with myself for being upset with them#anyway I’ll probably delete this if I remember to but I’m literally alone and have no one to talk to about this
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egg0nface · 1 year ago
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Man I’m so tempted to jump on the train near my house and just see where it goes one of these days,, I won’t but my god I want to get out of the house more I hate being cooped up here :((
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sleepyjuice · 3 months ago
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toxic!rafe will blow your phone up the second you post something on instagram that he’s ‘iffy’ about.
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you posted a photo dump which consisted of some random photos of the beach, some of your friends, one of you and rafe of course, but the one that had rafe seeing red was the last slide, which was you in a bikini. he texted you several times at first, and while you were literally typing your response, he called you. your fingers were typing so fast to respond to him that you accidentally declined the call, and he did not like that. you immediately went to call him back, but another text from rafe rolled in, saying ‘fuck you don’t talk to me we’re done’ you sighed loudly, knowing damn well he was talking out of his ass right now, so you sat back and waited for the inevitable next string of texts to roll in. which they did, only seconds later.
rafe <3: do you get off on making me mad or something
rafe <3: like i’m racking my brain trying to understand why you do the things you do and that’s all i can come up with
rafe <3: and i see at least 4 guys have already liked your post like that’s crazy to me?? thought i told you to block all the guys that followed you?? of course you didn’t
rafe <3: also who even took that pic of you??? bc i know damn well it wasn’t me so who the fuck you posing for with your fucking ass and tits out? WHAT THE FUCK
rafe <3: DO NOT PUT YOUR SHIT ON DO NOT DISTURB answer me rn.
rafe <3: nah it’s cool actually i’m gonna go hit up my other gfs so you have a good night.
you rolled your eyes at that last text, deciding to fully turn your phone off. you knew he would likely try to text or call you again very soon but you didn’t want to deal with it right now. this wasn’t your first rodeo, you knew nothing you could say to him right now would calm him down, so letting him freak out on his own was the best method to his madness.
three hours had passed since you turned your phone off. you had caught up on some reading and turned on your current favorite show, but found yourself interrupted by a knock at your front door. you expected it to be rafe, but instead it was a large bouquet of your favorite flowers and a gift bag. you glanced around to see if rafe was lurking around, but saw nothing. when he freaked out over text and was able to reread his actions, he usually waited a bit longer to show his face as opposed to a verbal argument.
you brought the flowers inside and set them on the counter before grabbing the card attached to the side of the bouquet.
sorry we argued. you are so beautiful and i love you so much. got you a little gift and sent you some money for food and i set your appointment with your nail girl for tomorrow at 10. love you forever baby -rafe
you couldn’t help but smile just a little. the flowers were beautiful and the note was pretty sweet, so you chose to ignore the part where he said ‘we argued.’ you didn’t get a word in, but you let it slide. especially after you opened the gift bag to see the new dior bag you had been wanting.
you hurried to turn on your phone, immediately seeing a $500 apple payment from rafe as well as a new text from a few minutes ago.
rafe <3: hope you like the flowers and bag baby. love you! :)
you: i love them. thanks rafe, love you too
rafe <3: good to hear. lmk what you end up getting for dinner and i’ll pick you up tomorrow to take you to your nail apt. can’t wait to see you baby
you would order yourself dinner that was obviously way less than $500, but you would send rafe a picture and thank him again. you’d facetime him before bed and conversation flowed like nothing had even happened just hours before. he’d ask you what color nails you were getting, tell you funny stories about the old men at the country club and excitedly plan what you two were going to do the next day. the cycle seemed like it would never end, but you often forgot about the bad when he was talking so sweetly to you and all you could think about was how excited you were to see him tomorrow.
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epsilontauri · 1 year ago
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#don’t reblog just let me yell into the void#so yeah i‘m on sick leave for over a year and today was the last straw. something in me kind if shattered.#the system here is so righed that idk what else i can do#i fell through all the governmental institutions that were supposed to help me‚ not play hot potato with me#so we got the disabled insurance. rn they only can provide me work rehabilitation programs and they will only start looking into disability#pension when you have been sick/ on sick leave for 2 years. after one year on sick leave‚ the workplace can legally fire you which they did.#so‚ the work insurance is supposed to pay me (for 2years)‚ but they had a insurance psychologist declaring me healthy#not to mention that the whole appointment was a disaster and i had a meltdown right after but on his report#they decided i‘m not sick and not eligible for insurance money#so i‘m jobless‚ unemployed and sick. so i go to the unemployment office! and they didn’t pay me! bc i‘m only eligible for unemployment money#if i am «marketable» as a work force#which i‘m obviously not! i‘m on full time sick leave!#and now i have to go to the social welfare office and beg and hope they find me eligible for at least that#but i can’t get married or maybe even move in with my partner bc otherwise they would have to support me….#i‘m just….i feel played. i feel like i was being made fun of for being honest and trying and standing my ground.#and today my card got declined. i have absolutely no more money.#fuck shit bitch ass system#i HATE IT#I HATE IT HERE#i just want to be ok i want to be able to work again but you really push me in a fucking corner#how am i supposed to get better when you make my life worse and harder????#FUUUUUUCK
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itneverendshere · 1 month ago
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Bartender reader :) reader and Rafe get in a fight and it’s a big one (while they are living together) and reader needs some space and decides to sleep on the couch/guest bedroom but Rafe completely forgets about the fight once he realizes what she’s doing and puts his foot down “you can be mad but you’re still sleeping in this bed” kinda deal?
i feel like their fights never last bc they can't be away from each other that long and bc they're just too disgustingly in love🙂‍↔️ thank you for the request!🤎
i would never do you wrong- r.c
pairing: rafe x pogue!reader (bartender!reader universe) warnings: a little angst at first, but happy ending obviously.
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You were sitting on the edge of the bed, your hands gripping your phone a little too tight. The conversation you had been having for the past hour felt like running headfirst into a brick wall—no, arguing with a brick wall.
“I don’t see why this is such a big deal,” Rafe groaned, like a toddler, running a hand through his messy hair. “You’ve been working nonstop. You deserve a break.”
“A break?” You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief. “Baby, I just got promoted. I can’t take time off like that.”
“You’re acting like this job will disappear if you take a week off. I’ve already planned the trip, I’ve already talked to Ward. You don’t even have to worry about money—”
“That’s not the point!” You cut him off, standing now, your body vibrating with frustration. “You don’t get it! This promotion means everything to me. I worked my ass off for it. And now you’re telling me to throw that away for a vacation?
“I’m not telling you to throw anything away, baby. God, you make it sound like I’m asking you to quit.” Rafe crossed his arms, his brow furrowed, and looked at you like you were the unreasonable one, like you'd just insulted him. “It’s just one week. We can afford to relax.”
“Yeah and what about the wedding? If we’re gonna pay for it, we gotta save up.”
He let out an incredulous laugh, his head shaking like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You do remember I’m rich, right?”
You blinked, stunned. “Seriously? That’s your solution? Just throw money at it?”
He sighed, rubbing his temples. “That’s not what I meant. I can pay for the wedding,” he interrupted, stopping in his tracks. “You’re forgetting I have more than enough money to take care of both of us.”
You closed your eyes for a second, breathing deeply. “I don’t want you to pay for it all.” You were pacing now, “It sounds like you think we can just forget about budgeting and responsibilities because you’ve got a trust fund.”
Rafe threw his hands up, exasperated. “I’m just saying we can afford to take some time for ourselves. You don’t need to stress over every little thing.”
You stopped in your tracks, turning sharply to face him. “I’m not ‘stressing over every little thing,’ Rafe. I’m being realistic. We have a wedding to plan. We’ve got bills. I’ve got my career to think about. And no, I don’t want your dad’s money involved in any of that.”
“We have an entire year to save up,” He stared at you, a steely glint in his eyes. “So what? You’re just gonna run yourself into the ground? Burn out completely?” 
Your jaw clenched as you swallowed the lump in your throat. “I’m doing what I need to do. I’ve always done that.”
“And I’ve always been here to help you. But it’s like you don’t even want it.”
“That’s not what this is about,” you argued, stepping closer to him now. “I don’t want to be dependent on that money. I don’t want us to start our marriage with me feeling like I’m just along for the ride.”
Rafe’s face hardened, his lips pressing into a thin, flat line. “So what? You think I’m trying to make you feel small? Like you can’t handle your shit?”
“No. I just want to build something with you. With you, Rafe, not because of Ward’s money.”
He looked away as he pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, the muscle moving under his skin as he swallowed whatever hot-headed thing you knew he felt like saying. Then, with a frustrated exhale, he said, “It’s not like I wanted to rely on him either. But I’m trying to make things easier for us.”
“And I appreciate that, I do.” You sighed, taking a breath. “But this promotion... it’s my chance to prove myself. I want to know that I earned everything we have. Not that it came from someone else’s checkbook.”
Rafe’s eyes moved to yours, and you could see the tension still there. He slowly let out a long breath. The air hissed softly between his teeth as his chest fell, shoulders sagging “You’re so fucking stubborn.”
“I learned from the best,” you shot back, crossing your arms.
He let out a bitter chuckle, it didn’t hold any joy. “I’m not trying to control everything. I just want to make sure we have time for us before everything else gets in the way.”
You nodded, “I know. But you can’t just expect me to drop everything and go on vacation because you’ve already decided it.”
“I thought you’d want to spend time with me,” he argued, “I’m trying to make time for us, and you’re treating it like it’s a problem.”
You sighed for what it felt like the millionth time that night, rubbing your temples. “It’s not that, baby. I want to be with you. You know that. But I can’t ignore everything else that’s going on.”
He was silent for a moment, his eyes scanning your face like he was trying to find the right thing to say. Finally, he muttered, “Fine. If you don’t want to take the time off, then don’t.”
You blinked at him, taken aback. “That’s not what I meant.”
“You’re making it seem like I’m asking for something ridiculous.”
You scoffed, frustration taking over again.
“Because to me, it is ridiculous! You don’t get it. You don’t have to think about whether you can afford to take time off, but I do. You’ve never had to think about that stuff.”
His face tightened, jaw clenching as he stared at you like he was trying to stay calm. “And that’s why I’m telling you, you don’t have to worry about it. I’ve got us covered. You’re acting like I’m trying to sabotage your career.”
“You’re not listening to me! This promotion isn’t just a paycheck, it’s everything I’ve worked for. I’ve spent years proving I’m good enough, and now you’re asking me to step back like it’s no big deal.”
Rafe crossed his arms, his posture stiff, defensive. “I’m asking for one week. One. Fucking. Week. You act like the world’s gonna end if you take some time for yourself.”
“Because for me, it doesn’t stop! You don’t understand what it’s like—”
He cut you off again, you hated when he did it. “Don’t. Don’t stand there and tell me I don’t understand. You think I don’t get what it’s like to have shit on the line? I’ve been under pressure my whole life.”
You flinched at his words, your eyes narrowing. “This is different. I’ve always had to make sure I could take care of myself.”
His laugh was bitter, almost sarcastic. “Is that what you think this is? You’re my fiancé.”
You frowned, feeling the hurt in his words, but you couldn’t let it go. “I just don’t want to feel like I’m in your shadow, like I’m always gonna be ‘Rafe’s wife’ instead of my own person.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” He ran a hand through his hair, pacing now. “It’s not like that. You know it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” you snapped, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “Because every time we talk about this, you make it sound like money is the solution to everything. Like we can just throw cash at our problems and they’ll disappear.”
He stopped pacing, turning to face you, his expression darkening. “Because it fucking helps, okay?”
You pinched your eyes closed, “I’m just trying to make sure I don’t lose myself in all of this.”
He let out a harsh breath, his shoulders tense. “Lose yourself? You think I’m trying to take that from you?”
“No,” you whispered, wiping at your eyes. “But it feels like you don’t get why this is so important to me.”
“Are you serious right now?” he cut you off. “You know what, do whatever you want. I’ll just cancel the trip.”
“Rafe—”
“Forget it,” he said, already turning away, heading for the door. “Goodnight.”
He didn't even slam the door.
You sat down on the bed, your head in your hands, trying to calm down. You glance at your phone, thinking about texting him, apologizing maybe. But you weren’t ready for that yet. You needed space. You needed to breathe. You needed to get out of your own head, even just for a little while. You couldn’t stand being in the same room after that argument.
Without thinking much more about it, you grabbed your pillow and the spare blanket from the closet, making your way toward the living bedroom. The couch in there wasn’t as comfortable or as big, but it would give you the distance you needed for the time being. You were pulling back the covers when you heard your bedroom door creak open. You didn’t have to turn around to know it was him. 
He couldn't stay away longer than five minutes.
“Really?” His voice was low, almost disbelieving. “You’re gonna sleep in here?”
You stayed facing the bed, not turning to look at him. “I can’t do this right now.”
There was a pause, and then you heard him step closer. “No. That’s not how we’re doing this.”
You frowned, glancing back at him over your shoulder. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you can be pissed at me. You can need space, fine. But you’re not sleeping in here.” His voice was firm, and when you finally turned to look at him, his blue eyes were locked on yours, unwavering.
“Rafe—”
“I’m serious, baby." He moved closer, gently pulling the blanket from your hands. “You’re mad. I get it. But you’re still sleeping in our bed.”
You shook your head, trying to push the blanket back toward him. “I just—”
“No.” His voice softened, but he was still insistent. “I’m not letting you run away from me. We’ll deal with it. But we’re not doing this. You’re not sleeping alone.”
You looked at him and saw the same tiredness, the same frustration, in his face. He held your gaze for a moment longer before reaching out, and taking your hand in his.
“Come on. You belong in our bed.”
There was no fight left in you as you let him pull you back down the hall, back into the warmth of your shared space. As you settled beside him, Rafe reached over, his hand finding yours under the blankets, he traced small, absent patterns on the back of your hand, like you weren’t fighting just ten minutes ago.
He sighed, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. I already know you’re capable of handling anything.”
“It’s not about proving it to you,” you admitted, “It’s about proving it to myself. I need to know that no matter what happens—good or bad—I’ve earned it. That I deserve it.”
Rafe was quiet for a couple seconds, his eyes stuck on the ceiling. Then, his grip on your hand tightened slightly,  “I hate this,” he muttered finally.
You turned your head to look at him, “Hate what?”
“This.” He gestured between the two of you with his free hand. “Fighting like this. Making you feel like I’m pulling you in two different directions. Like you have to choose.”
You blinked, caught off guard. “You’re not making me choose. I just, I want to build something for myself.”
He let out a sharp breath, shaking his head.
“You think I don’t get that? You think I’m just some spoiled asshole who’s never had to work for anything?” He rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow to look at you more directly. “But I do get it. That’s why I’m trying so hard to be what you need me to be.”
Your heart twisted at the look on his face. He reached up, brushing a stray lock of hair away from your face.
“Every time I look at you,” he murmured, his gaze softening, “I see everything you’ve done to get here. Everything you’ve pushed through. And it kills me, because I feel like I’ve just been dead weight. You spent months holding me together when I was falling apart. I could barely get out of bed some days baby, and you were there, making sure I was eating, making sure I was taking my meds, making sure I didn’t—I know how much you gave up for me.”
“Baby, stop,” you mumbled, the hurt in your chest almost unbearable. It hadn't been easy, but you didn't regret a single thing, wouldn't change anything. You'd do it all over again if you had to.
“No.” His voice was firm, “I hate that I put you through that. That I made you carry all that weight when you should’ve been focusing on yourself, your career. Hell, I wasn’t even there for you when you got promoted, because I was too busy trying to keep my shit together. And now I want to make up for that.”
You reached up, cupping his cheek, feeling the way his jaw unclenched under your touch. “You don’t have to make up for anything. You were going through something, and I wanted to be there for you.”
“I know you did,” he said softly, “But that’s why I’m doing this. I’m trying to be the guy you deserve—the guy who makes things easier for you, who makes you feel like you can breathe again.” He shook his head, teasing just a little, “But every time I try, it feels like I’m just reminding you of all the ways I’ve let you down.”
You blinked back the sudden tears. “You haven’t let me down. I need to find a balance. Between us and—” You gestured vaguely around you, trying to explain everything you were feeling. “And everything else.”
“I get that,” he murmured, leaning in closer until his forehead rested against yours. “But I also need you to let me in. Let me help you. Not because I want to throw money at it, but because I love you, and I want to see you happy. Not burnt out and exhausted.”
His voice broke a little on the last word, and you felt your initial stubbornness crumbling. “I know,” You squeezed your eyes shut, “I know. I just don’t want to lose everything I’ve been working for. I don’t want to get so wrapped up in us that I forget who I am outside of this.”
Rafe let out a shaky breath, his fingers brushing along your jaw.
“You’re not going to lose yourself, okay? Not with me. You’re always going to be you. Even when you’re stressed and stubborn and driving me up the wall.” His lips quirked in a small, sad smile. “I’ll still be here. I just want to have a little time with you before life pulls us in a million directions again.”
You leaned into him, pressing your face against his chest, breathing in the familiar scent of him. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close, his chin resting on top of your head. It wasn’t that you didn’t want his help. You just needed to do this one thing for youself. You moved closer to him, resting your head against his shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered earnestly, “I didn’t mean to make it sound like I don’t want to spend time with you. I do. It’s just hard to balance everything.”
You didn’t want to fight anymore. You wanted to figure it out. You wanted to compromise, because that's what you two always did.
“I’ll take the time off,” You felt him move beside you, his eyes on you now, curious but cautious. “But… I need a little time. Can we plan the trip for a couple of months from now? Once things settle down with work?”
He pulled back just enough to look down at you, his eyes searching your face. “You’d do that?”
You nodded, lifting your head. “I know I’ve been all over the place about this, but I get that we need time together. I just can’t drop everything right now. But in two months, I’ll be ready. We can go wherever you want.”
A slow smile tugged at the corners of his lips. He shifted onto his side, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “You mean it?”
“I mean it,” you said, smiling back at him. “We’ll go. No work emails, no distractions. Just us.”
He let out a breath he’d been holding, his fingers tracing along your jaw. “Two months, huh?”
You looked up at him, rolling your eyes lightly. “Yes, two months. And I’m going to hold that ‘no work emails’ rule, for you too.”
He chuckled, his lips curving into a genuine smile this time. “I figured.”
You swat at his chest lightly. “I’m serious. I want this trip to be for us. I need it to be something that we’re both looking forward to—not just you dragging me away because you think I’m overworking.”
“I know. I promise when we do go, it’ll be perfect. Wherever you want. No distractions.”
“Good,” you whispered, resting your head back on his shoulder. You listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. This was the peace after the storm, the moment when everything felt like it was falling into place again.
Rafe’s hand gently traced patterns on your arm, and he pressed a soft kiss to your head, “I’m proud of you. For everything. The promotion, the way you’ve been handling all of this. I’m proud to call you mine.”
Your heart squeezed at his words, and you tilted your head up to meet his gaze. “Thank you, baby,” you murmured. “That means more to me than you know.”
He smiled, “Just don’t ever think you have to choose between me and your dreams, okay? I want you to have it all. I want us to have it all.”
You nodded, the last of your resistance melting away. “I know. And I want us to have it all, too. Together.”
His arms tightened around you, pulling you closer, “Good,” he murmured, his breath warm against your hair. “’Cause I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”
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dragon-huntress · 2 years ago
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bettysupremacy · 1 year ago
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omg I have an idea (you don’t have to write it if you don’t want to) and I have to put it somewhere.
so rafe is this like super mean, big guy right? wrong. imagine r touching him and he just freaks out because ??the love of his life is touching him?? and r just giggles bc of the effect they have on him
This is suchhhhh a cute idea!! i ❤️ rafe. I hope you like this!! I don’t know if he did much freaking out, but she does much loving on him.
“I told him forty.” Rafe grumbles, fumbling with a pack of camels. His big hands rip at the new packaging frustratedly. He gives up and uses his teeth.
Topper winces. “That’s what told him.”
“So what’s the fuckin problem.” Rafe looks up, spitting plastic.
His knee bounces under the white country club table. “He wants a discount.”
“Bullshit.”
“I know,” he breathes. “So I told him,”
“You’re not giving him a discount.”
Topper laughs nervously. “If you’d let me finish-“
“He’s gotta perfect amount of his mommy’s money to be spending on drugs.”
“Exactly-“
“You don’t give figure eight kids discounts.”
“Rafe,” Topper starts, frustrated with his lack of sentence.
“Rafe!” Your voice echos outside the private room excitedly at the same time. He sits straighter, smile fighting his face at the shriek of his name. Toppers still here. Rafe’s stoic.
Top sighs exasperatedly, leaning back in his chair. He’s not finishing that sentence.
The door flings open, your hand tight on the fancy handle. “Rafe.” You bounce. He watches greedily over you, this doesn’t deter you. “Guess what.”
“You’ve waited too long to give me my hello kiss?” He taps his pen against his thigh, elbows resting on the chair.
“No, silly,” You laugh, airily walking over to him to plant a kiss on his cheek. He swerves, smiling against your lips instead, reveling in your laugh as you pull away. His arms wrap under your butt. “Sarah’s having a party tonight.”
Tops eyes flit up curiously.
“What?” Rafe’s face drops.
You squeal. “We have to go.”
“It’s my house too, babe, I think I’ll be there against my will.” His eyes flit to Topper.
“Not at your house.” You pout, pushing his hair back. His eyes fight against fluttering closed. “Joint party, Scarlett’s house.”
“Oh, we’re not going.” He decides, squeezing the flesh of the back of your thigh.
“What,” Topper laments, no mind of his own. If Rafe’s not going, obviously he can’t go. You both ignore him.
“Please, Rafe.” You whine, E’s extended longer than Top thinks necessary. You walk behind him to grip his shoulders.
He short circuits. You’re warm behind him, the perfume you spritzed this morning making its way to his nose. You knead your fingers into his back. Digging into the tense muscle he tries so hard to relax around you.
“Baby,” He grumbles, wary of your hands on his shoulder. “That shit’ll be so lame.”
You sigh working deeper into his muscle. “You know I love Sarah.” Then afterthought. “And Scarlett.”
He holds back a noise at your thumbs pressing into his back. Grabbing your wrist, his warm fingers press into the tender skin they find.
“Can’t see you.” He murmurs.
You round the chair, sitting on his lap. His arms wrap around you heavily and securely. He bounces his knee a couple times as you brush hair out of eyes, both wary of Top three feet away. “Better?”
He grunts a nod, smiling at you brilliantly. “So much.”
Your hands card through his hair, raking gently against his scalp. His hair is soft, clean, the smell of his shampoo hitting you easily. You tug, gently, his hair back, till he’s looking up at you lazily.
“You know you have hazel in your eyes?”
His demeanor changes. “Stop.”
“Im serious,” You laugh, head tilting to the side to eye Topper. “Someone’s cranky.”
“I am not cranky.” Rafe scoffs, unable to bring your hands from his hair.
“Then play nice.” You whisper, cool air fanning Rafe’s face. “Let’s go to the party.”
He frowns, overly aware of your dancing fingers. “You know what you’re doing.”
“If loving on my sweet boyfriend was a crime-“ you start.
“Then you’d be in jail by now.” He finishes.
“Exactly!” You grin, leaning down to kiss his jaw. His eye twinkles. “Let me love on you in public.”
He scoffs softly, bouncing the knee you sit on. You squeak at the sudden movement, turning to laugh prettily in Toppers direction. He can’t help but to smile through his annoyance.
“What d’you think, Top?” Rafe sniffs at the way you’ve worked him.
“Well,” He starts in the shifty tone of his. “Uh, I think it’d be good-“
“He wants to see your sister.” You laugh.
“Y/N.” The younger boy glares pointedly across the table. “Seriously?”
“I don’t give a shit who Sarah’s doing this week.” He gruffs out. You push his shoulder.
“Be nice.” You whisper.
Rafe rolls his eyes, big hand splaying over your face and pushing away from him.
“Hey!” You muffle as he smiles.
“You wanna go?” He looks at Top.
“I guess.” He shrugs nonchalantly.
Rafe snorts at him. “Cool.” He lets up on your face. “We’ll go.”
“Yay!” You jump, wrapping your arms around him. He leans into the touch, uncaring of the company.
What a simp, Rafe sulks.
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