#I think I sat on the bridge for a little too long today talking to my friends | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

supernova-stardust · 19 days ago

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A Habit To Kick (The Age-Old Curse)

Rated M | chapters 1 & 2 live on ao3 | total word count: 14,052 | wip

A few weeks ago, Regulus Black jumped off a bridge. It's not that he really wanted to die, but he didn't really want to live either. He didn't think anyone would care one way or another, if he's honest. Now he's stuck learning how to live.

James Potter was used to seeing Reg every day at the cafe he worked in, until one day he stopped coming in. When he finally sees the guy he's been crushing on come back into the cafe, he knew he had to take his chance at asking him out on a date.

***This fic deals with heavy themes of depression, lack of a will to live, and suicide, but will have a happy ending***

chapter 2 below the break for those who have been reading on Tumblr | 7,889 words

In the morning, Regulus managed to get out of the apartment before either Sirius or Remus stirred. When he glanced into the living room, he noticed that Sirius had abandoned his nest on the couch in favor of squeezing himself onto the tiny air mattress with Remus. Remus didn’t seem to mind, his long body was wrapped around his boyfriend, holding him close.

It wasn’t that Regulus was avoiding them, but going through his routine without being interrupted was a blessing that calmed his nerves. The medications he was on seemed to help a bit, but he didn’t think that there would ever be enough medications or substances to quiet the racing thoughts in his head. The best he had were his routines and his coping mechanisms.

On his walk towards the cafe, he decided to send Sirius a quick text telling him where he was and that he’d bring him and Remus coffee when he came home. He told himself that it was so that Sirius would know that they had coffee coming, not because he knew his brother would worry himself sick before he thought to check the shared location.

He was hoping that James wouldn’t be the one working today. As much as he was looking forward to their date, he wasn’t sure that he could come up with enough small talk to occupy the man both at the counter and during their dinner. Of course, James was working and he practically bounced out of his skin when he saw Regulus walk through the front door.

There was no line, so Regulus walked right up to the counter where James was smiling. He forced himself to soften his face as he pulled off his headphones and greeted him. "Morning, can I get—"

"Reg," James laughed, stopping Regulus from ordering his coffee. "I know how you like your coffee by now. Good morning, how are you?" He turned to pour the coffee, oblivious to the fact that he left Regulus standing at the counter a little breathless and thrown off kilter.

"Of course you do, I-I just didn’t want to assume." Regulus tried to make sure he sounded confident, but he wasn’t sure how successful he really was. "I’m fine, how are you?"

"Excited." James returned with coffee in hand and placed it gently on the counter in front of him. "I’m looking forward to our date tonight."

This time, the smile Regulus gave him was genuine and automatic. "I am too." He passed James a handful of bills and grabbed his coffee before heading to his regular seat.

Regulus was surprised to find that he was able to focus on writing much longer this morning than he had in a long time. Instead of staring at the screen wallowing at the fact that no words came to him, he was able to write a few pages as the cafe got busier throughout the morning. When someone sat at his table, he was almost able to ignore them with his headphones blocking out the sounds around him and his face buried in his laptop. It wasn’t until he felt a sharp kick to his shin that he even glanced up from his laptop, glaring as he ripped his headphones off his ears.

"Hey—" Immediately, his face softened at the man sitting across from him. "Oh, hey Evan."

"Oh, hey Evan. Are you fucking kidding me?" He kicked Regulus again, this time with more malice. "You act weird for a week, send me some cryptic goodbye text, and disappear for weeks. I had to find out from your brother what happened. You've been silent in the group chat. And all I get is oh, hey Evan."

"To be fair, Sirius told me he updated you, so I figured you weren’t worried anymore."

"Of course I was fucking worried. You’re my best friend." Evan looked at him with so much sadness in his eyes that it made Regulus squirm under his gaze. "I’m still worried. Barty says I shouldn’t be, that they wouldn’t have discharged you if you weren’t okay, but I know you. I know you know how to manipulate them into thinking you’re fine. You know how to make all of us think you’re fine when you’re really not."

"Barty is right,” Regulus replied, choosing to ignore the rest of what Evan said. “I’m fine."

"See, that actually makes me think that you’re the exact opposite of fine. Barty is never right and you’re always the first one to say it."

Regulus laughed at that. "Okay, okay. Fine. I’m stable, how’s that for an answer?"

"Now that, I’ll actually believe." Evan said as he raked his dark fingers through his platinum curls. "Did your life experiences give you any inspiration for your book?"

And just like that, Regulus was forgiven and all was back to normal with his best friend. He knew things between them would be fine, even after that first night in the hospital. In fact, the only thing that he didn’t have anxiety about was whether or not Evan would forgive him. He had stressed about everything and everyone else, even what Barty thought about him consumed Regulus’ thoughts for a time, but he knew Evan would always accept him no matter what. Despite his attempts at avoiding him all throughout their college years, every year they ended up being dorm roommates again. Later, Evan would admit that he had requested to be roomed with Regulus because he loved having such a quiet and tidy roommate. But eventually they grew attached to one another, able to communicate non-verbally in ways that he had never been able to with anyone other than his own brother. They respected one another and as time went on, their respect blossomed into a friendship that was unshakable. When Regulus had returned to their dorm after Sirius showed up in his life again, Evan was the one who convinced him to trust that his brother wanted to be a part of his life. Evan was the one who saw him sob uncontrollably over his brother and their lost time together, never once judging him. Evan was always the one who could get through to Regulus, no matter how mentally unstable he had become.

When Evan had started dating Barty, Regulus had thought that Evan was the crazy one. Barty was known on campus as a party animal–loud, unhinged, and untamed. They had met at a party that Evan insisted Regulus attend with him. Barty had offered them some pills, which they both swallowed without even questioning. They drank a series of shots together, and the three of them had become inseparable since then. Surprisingly, Barty was often the voice of reason among their little group. Despite his poor short term decision making skills—evidenced by the stick-and-poke tattoos that littered his body and the drugs often coursing through his veins—Barty was relatively level-headed. He could look at things in calculated ways that neither Regulus nor Evan ever could, balancing the weight of risk involved in everything that they did. Regulus’ anxieties often clouded his decisions, always assuming the worst outcome, and Evan simply didn’t care to think that far ahead, preferring to live in the moment and practice the mindfulness that he’d learned in his years of yoga. In a strange way, Barty and Evan seemed to have always been made for each other, and over the years Regulus shifted from feeling envious of their easy love to feeling relief that they had each other and still kept him close, never making him feel like a third-wheel or a burden.

"You know, jumping off a bridge does have its perks," Regulus said dryly. "I have been feeling inspired to write my novel again. It’s like a fresh start."

"Oh, fuck off. Your novel is a murder mystery, not some prose about the meaning of life."

"Yeah, and now I know what it feels like to nearly drown. I’m thinking of changing the entire method of murder now." Regulus sipped at his coffee as Evan balked at him, clearly unsure if Regulus was joking or not. "In other news, I have a date tonight."

"Show me his profile." Evan didn’t miss a beat at the subject change and held out his hand expectantly for Regulus’ phone. "You may say that you’re mentally stable, but I know your taste in men sucks regardless of your mental state."

This time, it was Regulus’ turn to kick his friend’s shin. "I do not. Besides, I can’t show you his profile because we didn’t meet online." His eyes flitted over to James involuntarily. He was hoping that Evan missed the movement, but of course he didn’t. Evan turned and followed his gaze to James who was behind the counter, completely engrossed in making a customer’s drink.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Evan asked a little too loudly, drawing eyes from around the cafe towards their table. James’ head lifted from where he was working and followed the sound to look between the two of them, a burning question in his eyes. Regulus mouthed a silent ‘sorry’ towards him and scowled at his friend.

"The whole cafe doesn’t need to know," Regulus said under his breath as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table on either side of his laptop. He let out a heavy sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair and then cradled his head in one hand as he watched James get back to work. "He asked me out yesterday and I said yes."

"Does he know?" Evan asked in a low voice meant for only the two of them.

"Does he know what? There’s a lot of baggage to unpack here, Ev, you’re gonna have to be a little more specific."

"Does he know you were hospitalized? Or…any of the other shit, I guess."

"No," Regulus answered simply as he sat back and closed his laptop. "I don’t think he needs to, it’s just a date."

"Reg, you’ve liked him for years. Literally I’ve listened to you lament about how beautiful that guy is for hours of my life. We both know it’s not just a date."

Regulus sipped at his coffee again before he answered. He didn’t want to admit that Evan was right, this wasn’t just a date to him. But he figured it was probably just a date to James and so he had to adjust his expectations. "It’s just a date. A first date. He doesn’t want me to bare my fucking soul before we’ve even slept together. I’m keeping my expectations low."

"I mean, he could actually care about you, you know," Evan rebutted.

"I barely know the guy. He’s just pretty. That’s it. He’ll take me on a date and realize how boring I am, we’ll have sex, and things will go back to normal. He’ll make me coffee, I’ll annoy you and Barty over how attached I am to a guy I barely know, life goes on."

"Oh, don’t do that. We both know it’ll just lead to heartbreak."

"It can't lead to heartbreak if I don't open my heart to him."

Evan hummed as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "I still think you should tell him."

"Nothing sets the mood like telling a guy you tried to kill yourself a few weeks ago." Regulus rolled his eyes. "I’m not telling him. He won’t even like me, there’s no point."

"Reg, you’ve been coming here for years. I’m pretty sure he knows you enough to like you, at least a little bit. You should tell him. I think he’d want to know, if anything at least let the guy know what he’s getting himself into if he decides to take you out on a second date. You’re a great guy, amazing even, anyone would be lucky to call you theirs, but if he’s gonna seriously pursue you he should know what he’s getting himself into. It’s only fair."

"Fine. But I’m only agreeing because I know it won’t go that far."

Evan laughed and looked at him fondly. "I missed you. I’m glad you’re still here."

"I missed you too," Regulus replied with a soft smile. He couldn’t say he was glad to still be alive, at least not honestly, but he hoped that eventually he could say that he was.

***

"I brought you both coffee," Regulus said as he came through the front door. He pushed the door closed with his hip and made his way into the living room where Sirius was scrambling off of Remus’ lap with a look of embarrassment on his face. "Don’t you dare have sex in my apartment."

Remus just gave him a wolfish smile in response.

"I shouldn’t have brought you guys coffee," Regulus sighed as he set the to-go cups down on the coffee table.

"You shouldn’t have left us to our own devices for so long," Sirius snipped back as he grabbed one of the cups. "You know I’m a restless person, Reggie. I need to get my energy out somehow."

"Disgusting, never talk to me again."

Secretly, Regulus would always be happy that Sirius and Remus were so good together. His brother deserved someone as patient and kind as Remus was. Neither of their parents had ever offered any sort of softness to them while growing up and while Regulus had grown to be closed off and avoidant of physical touch, Sirius craved tactile reminders of love and comfort. To this day, Sirius was the only person that Regulus allowed to pull him into casual hugs. None of that meant that he was okay with finding his brother and his boyfriend having sex on his couch though.

"So," Sirius said as he watched Regulus pick up the blankets off the floor and meticulously fold them. "What’s your plan for the day?"

"I was thinking that I'd keep working on my novel until I have to get ready for my date. I also have to call the therapists’ office that the receptionist recommended to me at some point. I need to get on the schedule there soon. I was reading the reviews last night and they seemed halfway decent, at least. We’ll see. Might keep looking depending on how the appointment goes."

"That’s good. It might take a bit to find the right match. Hopefully the group therapy will be a little better than Slughorn in the meantime," Sirius said in a tone that was intended to sound casual, but Regulus knew wasn’t at all.

"I can see if my therapist's office has any openings, if you want?" Remus suggested. "I’ve been going there for years."

Regulus finished folding the blankets and sat in an armchair next to the couch. "I appreciate that, but wouldn’t it be weird to see the same therapist?"

"Well, yeah, but there’s a lot of other people in her practice. The office I go to specializes in queer issues, so it’s a little different from the average therapy office." Remus shrugged. "It’s nice to see someone who I’m not worried about having secret homophobic biases, even if my issues are mundane things like work-life balance."

"Yeah, which is bullshit," Sirius whined. "I keep telling you to quit that job. You hate it and I have plenty of money to keep us comfortable without you working."

"And I keep telling you, I like having something that gives me purpose. This isn’t the time to have this conversation, love. Let’s talk about it later. I just wanted Regulus to know that there’s options, that’s all."

"Yeah, I’m not touching this," Regulus waved his hand at the two of them, "with a ten-foot pole. I’m gonna go write." He got up, grabbed the bag that he had discarded at the doorway, and headed to his room.

***

"He already knows what you look like, you know," Sirius laughed.

"I know, fuck off."

Regulus had spent the last hour getting ready and he still wasn’t happy. He felt like he had tried on every combination of his clothes in his closet and at this point. Pulling his shirts on and off had made him hot and his hair was sticking to his forehead. He groaned loudly and laid back on his bed, shirtless and annoyed.

He heard someone walking down the hall and his suspicions were confirmed that it was Sirius when he looked up to see his brother leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. "You know, he’s gonna like you no matter what you wear."

"What time is it? I feel like I need to shower again." He tried to huff a burst of air from his lungs to move the hair off of his forehead, but he was so sweaty that it did nothing.

"You’re kidding me, right?" Sirius pulled his phone from his pocket to check the time. "Reggie, you’ve only got thirty minutes until he gets here."

"I’m showering again." He pushed himself off the bed and past Sirius who just gaped at him in the hallway. He made his way to the living room. "Remus, will you pick out a shirt that matches these pants? I want to look hot, but not unobtainable." Wearing nothing but his favorite pair of black jeans, he did a spin in the middle of the room for Remus.

Remus gave him a mock salute as he stood from the couch and Regulus headed into the bathroom to shower the sweat off his body.

"Why does Remus get to pick your shirt? We all know that I have better style than him," Sirius asked from just outside the bathroom door.

"I have style," Remus rebutted.

"Sorry, love. I always think you’re adorable, but wearing over-sized sweaters is not a sense of style."

"Remus picks because he’s not my brother and I don’t want to think about how you picked out my shirt if I get laid."

"Disgusting."

"At least you won’t have to walk in on it like I almost did today. Can I shower in peace?"

"Fine, you have twenty five minutes if he shows up on time."

James showed up five minutes early.

Regulus was fluffing his hair one last time–very impressed with himself for getting his curls to sit in that perfectly undone way that he always loved–when he heard the doorbell ring. Sirius laughed and he heard Remus tell him to behave. Regulus looked himself over in the mirror again before deciding to grab his eyeliner and smudge a bit under his eyes.

"Can you let him in?" he yelled from the bathroom. "And don’t scare him, please. I’ll be ready in a minute."

Remus ended up suggesting he wear a simple black tee and while Sirius might have said that Remus didn’t have a sense of style, Regulus thought that the simplicity allowed his accessories to shine. He tucked his shirt in loosely, wore a silver-buckled belt, and put on all of his favorite rings. The finishing touch was his favorite necklace, shaped like a dagger, that dropped between his pecs. He did one final look-over in the mirror before deciding that this was as good as it was going to get and ambled his way into the living room.

"Reggie, look who’s here. And he brought me flowers." Sirius batted his eyes as he fell back onto the couch and curled up into Remus’ body. Remus lightly smacked Sirius’ leg in an attempt to make him shut up.

"Uh. N-no, I brought these for you." James held out a small bouquet of flowers towards Regulus as soon as he entered the living room. "Sorry, is this too much? It seemed like a good idea at the time and now I’m not sure if—"

"They’re lovely, thank you," Regulus interrupted with a soft smile in an attempt to save James from rambling in front of his brother. "Let me put them in some water real quick and then we can go?" He reached out to take the flowers and smelled them before he walked into the kitchen to find a vase.

"Ignore Sirius," he heard Remus say as he left the room. "He lives for making people squirm. I’m Remus, by the way. Sirius’ boyfriend."

Regulus stopped listening to their conversation as he methodically cut the stems of the flowers, filled the vase with water, and meticulously arranged each stem so they were sitting perfectly. He placed the arrangement on his counter near the window and stepped back to admire them before he returned to the living room. He had never been given flowers before and quite frankly, he always thought it was a trite tradition rooted in compulsory heterosexual norms, but now that he had received them from James? Now he understood why it was so…sweet. Sirius may have said that he hated sweet, but Regulus was finding that he was already loving every moment.

Evan was right, Regulus really was way too deep in his feelings for James already.

"Reggie, text me if you’re not coming home, yeah?" Sirius asked in a tone that carried far too much weight for such a simple request.

He tried hard not to blush at the implication, but he still felt his cheeks heat before he nodded. "Let’s go," he said as he grabbed James’ hand and led him into the hallway. He shoved his oxfords on as quickly as possible and the two of them walked out of the apartment together towards James’ car.

James drove an old Toyota that probably wished it could be retired at a junkyard, but Regulus could tell it was well taken care of, regardless of age.

When they got in the car, James turned the keys and rubbed the back of his neck. Regulus was learning that this was a nervous habit of his. "Sorry, there’s really no creature comforts in this thing, but she’s reliable." He fiddled with the radio until he found a classic rock station and made sure it was turned down low enough where they could hold a conversation without raising their voices.

"It’s fine, James. I don’t even own a car, you don’t need to impress me."

"I may not need to impress you, but I’d like to."

Regulus hummed at that and they fell into a comfortable silence as James drove. It was a few minutes before James began rambling, nervously filling the space between them with his voice.

"You and your brother seem close. I don’t have any siblings, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have someone who’s known me from birth. Is he always like that? I’ve met him before at Galactic— he thought I was hitting on him and I swear I wasn't."

"Yeah, he’s always like that," Regulus sighed. "He mostly does it to fuck with people though, don’t take it personally. Having a brother is like that."

"Like what?" James asked.

"Constantly having someone giving you a hard time. He can’t help himself. I’ve always said he needed another brother who could keep up with his bullshit."

"I’m sure you keep up with his bullshit, Reggie."

"Don’t call me that."

"Sorry, I—"

"Sirius is the only person who can call me that," Regulus interrupted before James could finish explaining himself. "Even then, I hate it. I just got sick of telling him he couldn’t anymore. He calls me it more when I tell him to stop." Really, he loved that his brother had a special nickname just between the two of them. He wouldn’t let anyone else use it because it was sacred between them. He would never, ever, admit it to Sirius though.

The silence that hung between them was anything but comfortable this time. Regulus felt self conscious about his outburst and it seemed as though James was afraid to break the silence himself. He wasn't sure if it was because James was afraid to say something wrong, but Regulus mentally kicked himself for having such a strong reaction to being called a simple nickname. He looked out the window as James drove, trying to discern where it was that they were going.

He heard James take in a breath as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "Look," he finally said. "Can we just… start over? I feel like I'm fucking this all up. I wasn't expecting to meet your brother and his boyfriend tonight and if I'm honest, it kind of threw me off my game."

"Your… game?"

"Yeah, like… fuck." James let out a shaky breath and when Regulus glanced over, he noticed that his brows were knit together in frustration. "I just had a whole idea in my head of how I'd greet you and when it wasn't you who answered the door, it threw me off. I practiced handing you the flowers and everything. And your brother is just— He's a lot."

"My brother is a menace, it's okay, you can say so."

"Well, he seems fun at least."

"Am I not fun enough for you, James?" Regulus asked, his voice laced with sugar sweet sarcasm.

"N-no that's not what I—"

"Relax, I'm just fucking with you." Regulus smoothed his hand on James' thigh while he continued driving them into an area of the city that he wasn't familiar with. "So, where exactly are we going?" he asked in an attempt to break the awkward tension between them.

"There's a place not too far from here that I've never been to, but the reviews are pretty good. Dolce Vita, have you been?"

"You're bringing me somewhere you've never been?" Regulus asked incredulously. "What if it's awful?"

"Then we can have a good laugh about it and go get McDonald's."

Regulus wrinkled his nose at that. "I'll take bad Italian food over McDonald's any day."

"Oh, don't tell me you don't indulge in a burger after a night of drinking now and then?" James glanced over at him with mock horror, bringing his hand to his chest.

"I really don't." There weren't many things that Regulus had held onto from his childhood, but the way he ate was definitely one of those things. He was meticulous about everything he put into his body—besides the drugs that Barty shared and the alcohol he took them with.

James hummed and brought a hand down to brush his fingers along the hand Regulus still kept on his thigh. He laced their fingers together and glanced over. "Is this okay?"

Regulus nodded before realizing that James was still driving and probably couldn't read his body language. "Yeah. This is nice."

The car ride continued with little conversation, but the silence that settled between them was comforting in a way. James' thumb rubbed soothing circles along Regulus' wrist and for once, Regulus didn't feel the compulsion to pull away. It almost felt…right. Like Regulus had been made to be putty in James' hands.

When James parked the car, Regulus watched the muscles in his hand flex as he effortlessly pulled into the parking spot using one hand. He caught himself imagining those hands roving over his body and holding him down before he was pulled from his thoughts by James bringing his hand to his lips. He placed a brief peck on the back of Regulus' hand before letting go so he could shift the car into park. Then, he turned off the ignition and grabbed his keys as he turned to smile at Regulus.

"Ready?" James asked, oblivious to the direction of Regulus' thoughts. He nodded in response and they headed into the restaurant together.

The restaurant was more quaint than Regulus had imagined, but he found he was grateful for the dim lighting and cozy booths all the same. He slid into the seat across from James and looked over at him, taking in the way his warm honey eyes seemed to become even more rich in the lighting.

James grabbed the wine menu and held it towards the middle of the table, scanning through the different options. "Do you like red or white wine?"

"Um…" Regulus didn't know how to tell James that he couldn't drink while he adjusted to his medications. Suddenly, he felt like he should have put off going on this date for at least another month, but how would he have explained that? Oh, yeah, I'd love to go out, but let's wait a bit? No, I don't have any plans—I never have plans— I just need to make sure my brain is all balanced before anything happens between us.

What a joke.

"It's okay if you don't drink, I won't either." James said, saving Regulus from having to answer as he placed the drink menu down on the table. "A friend of mine is an alcoholic, I should have known better than to assume."

"I'm not— I do usually drink." Regulus let out a breath and took a moment before carefully choosing his words. "I'm just taking a bit of a break right now for my health."

"Cool, I didn't realize you were so health conscious. You're gonna make me want to take care of myself better too."

Regulus let out a real, genuine laugh. The idea of him being health conscious was honestly the funniest joke he had heard in a long time. "I think if the tone of your muscles says anything, you're plenty health conscious."

"You've looked at my muscles?" James asked with a knowing smirk.

"Who hasn't?"

"Lesbians, probably. I'll have to ask Lils if she's noticed how fit I am next time I see her."

"Lils? Is she your friend?" Regulus asked. This was the first time James had mentioned anyone in his life and he wanted to capitalize on the opportunity to learn everything he could about the man across from him.

"Lily— Yeah, one of my best friends. Her and I grew up together. Certified earthy crunchy lesbian, through and through. Don't tell her about anything you do for your health when you meet her because she will not shut up about a natural alternative."

"You want me to meet your best friend?" Regulus could hear the disbelief lacing his own voice.

"I mean, sure. If this continues to go well." James shrugged before continuing as if this was no big deal. "Meeting each other's friends is important if we keep dating, yeah? Besides, I've already met your brother and his boyfriend. Lily is the closest I've got to a sister. Do you know what I mean? I mean— I know you have an actual brother, but do you have any friends that know you like a sibling?"

"Evan." Regulus answered immediately, ignoring the rest of James' rambling. "He's got a boyfriend, Barty, who I'm close with too. But Evan and I were roommates all through college."

James hummed in acknowledgment. Their conversation paused as the server came and took their orders.

"What was your major?" James asked, picking up the conversation where they left off once the server left their table.

"Don't laugh."

James crossed his heart in a silent promise.

"I double majored in English and Journalism." Regulus answered, bracing himself for the teasing that always came after he answered this question. "I'm an author. Well, kind of. Haven't published anything yet, so I'm not sure I get to call myself an author, but maybe some day."

"Is that what you do every morning at the cafe? Work on writing a book?"

Regulus nodded.

"What's the one you're working on right now about?"

"Murder," Regulus answered plainly.

"What?" James sputtered.

"I mostly write murder mysteries. I haven't quite figured out the whole thing, but I think in this one the murder will have been committed by the narrator and the reader won't realize it until the very end. If I deceive the reader enough with an unreliable narrator, that is." This was the first time Regulus had felt like he could tell someone about the plot of a story he had been working on before he had finalized any of the plot points. He was surprised to hear himself say the words, but as their conversation went on he was finding himself more comfortable with James by the moment.

"You're allowed to call yourself an author, Reg. You don't need to write daily or publish anything to prove that you're an author."

Regulus furrowed his brow and changed the subject, unsure of how to respond to the wisdom James had to offer. "What about you? Did you go to college?"

"I'm literally a barista."

"That doesn't mean you didn't get a degree. Lots of people don't get to use their degrees and get stuck doing things they don't want to do."

"Fair, but no." James chuckled. "I've taken quite a few classes, both at university and at independent art studios, but I haven't found anything that sticks. I do like working as a barista though. The pay is good and it leaves me with enough time to take different classes and figure out what it is that I want to do with myself. I've always been one of those people who switches between hobbies at the drop of a hat. Lately, I've been really into ceramics."

"Ceramics? Impressive."

"Sounds like it, but no. I'm not very good. Still fun though, that's what counts."

Regulus smiled softly at that. "I've never been able to do anything just for… fun."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I've always had to be great for it to be worth spending my time doing. If I wasn't, I moved on."

"But how do you know if you can become great at something if you don't spend the time to find out?" James challenged gently.

Regulus didn't have an answer to that. Their conversation lulled a bit and he found himself grateful that the server had returned with their food. They both quietly dug into their dishes and while Regulus had joked earlier about the possibility of it being terrible, everything on his plate was flavorful and cooked to perfection.

"So, I have to ask…" James trailed off, blushing slightly as he steeled himself to ask whatever was bouncing around in his head.

"I may or may not answer," Regulus deadpanned as he cut into his food.

James smiled at that. "Of course, and you don't have to, I just… I wondered what your brother meant when he asked you to let him know if you'd be home or not."

Regulus raised an eyebrow as he looked up into James' eyes. "Surely you can use your context clues to figure that one out?" he said, intentionally shifting the focus to the implication of them hooking up. He didn't want to admit to James that what Sirius was truly asking was if he had to worry about whether his brother was alive or not.

Evan was going to have a field day with how many times Regulus could have told James about his hospitalization and simply… avoided it.

"I mean, sure, but— What did you tell him you'd expect out of a first date with me?"

"James, I'm going to be very honest with you, okay? I don't date. I have men that I see one time, we hook up, and I never hear from them again."

James blanched at this. "What? Why?"

"It's too… Complicated. Messy. I'd rather just get what I need from them and move on." Regulus shrugged and continued to cut into his food as if he hadn't said the most devastating thing to the man across from him. He never admitted it in therapy, but the loneliness that had taken over his every waking thought before his attempt partially stemmed from his inability to find romantic connections with people. He knew that romantic love wasn't something that everyone needed, and that he shouldn't have based his entire self-worth upon the idea of being loved by someone, but he did. He wanted to be loved so much that it consumed him.

"So, what do you need from me?" James asked.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"I don't know. I've never done this before. I've never let someone pick me up at my home, no one's ever brought me flowers. This isn't how I normally operate. But how I normally operate isn't working anymore and you're so… sweet. You asked me out and I said yes and now we're here and I don't know what to do or how to behave, but I'm trying."

"Reg, I—"

"Please don't make this weird, I can't do weird."

"No, that's not… I just can't believe no one has ever wanted to treat you the way you deserve."

Regulus paused at that, unsure of how to respond. "Maybe I just never gave anyone the chance."

"Well," James gave him a sad smile. "I'm glad you're giving me the chance. But I think since you gave me a bit of honesty, you deserve a bit of mine too. I don't do hook-ups. I don't sleep with someone on the first date. And to be fully transparent, I've never dated a man before."

"Are you sure you're…?"

"Oh, I'm very sure." James laughed. "I just never felt connected with a man before in a way that made me comfortable enough to continue anything more than a date or two. And quite frankly, most of them wanted to move much faster than I felt comfortable with."

"Fair enough." They continued eating in silence. Regulus wasn't sure that there was any tension growing between them, but he was fast learning that James was more of the type to ramble than sit in silence if he was nervous, and so the quiet made him uneasy. He cleared his throat before he spoke again. "I hope you don't take offense to me asking. I just don't want to be someone's experiment only for them to find out it was simply a curiosity they've sated. But I'm open to moving slow. I can follow your lead."

"No offense taken. I'm just relieved to have these conversations and not have you freak out."

"Why would I be the one to freak out? You're the one with morals here. I'm the degenerate slut. You should be the one freaking out and leaving me to pay the bill."

James faked a gasp, clutching his imaginary pearls. "Why, Regulus, I would never dream of such a thing. Besides," his smirk became downright sinful as he brought his face close to Regulus', "I never said I wasn't a degenerate slut too." He sat back and leaned into his chair, raking his eyes over Regulus. "I just take a little longer to build enough connection to feel that way about someone."

"You are such a flirt for someone who doesn't fuck on a first date."

Of course, it would be Regulus' luck that the server would come with the check at that exact moment. The knowing smirk on their face was mortifying.

James started to pull out his wallet before Regulus tried to stop him. "Please, let me pay? You've been so sweet, I insist." Regulus said, pulling out his own wallet and digging for his card.

"I asked you out," James answered as he counted cash and placed it in the check holder. "I'll pay. You can plan and pay for the next date."

"Yeah? You want to go out again?" Regulus felt his heart beating far too fast at the idea of seeing James again.

James nodded, "I hope you feel the same?" His voice wavered. Regulus wasn't sure if it was because he was unsure of himself or of the situation, but he vowed to make sure that James always knew how wanted he was from here on out.

"I'd love to," Regulus answered with sincerity.

"Great," James beamed. "Let's get you home, yeah? Then Sirius can't say that anything nefarious happened while I was with you."

The drive back to his apartment was uneventful. They held hands and sneaked glances at each other. Occasionally, James would hum along to a song on the radio—a trait that Regulus decided was endearing. When they pulled up to his apartment, Regulus looked around and didn't see Sirius' car anywhere in the lot.

"Strange," he said. "I didn't think they were going out tonight."

"Did he text you at all?" James asked.

Regulus pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked for any missed calls or texts. There were a few from his group chat with his friends and upon a quick glance, he realized that they were all talking about his date tonight. For a moment, he wondered how they knew, and then he realized—Evan. He would have told Barty and Barty didn't know how to keep his mouth shut, especially when the potential of Regulus getting laid was up for discussion. He continued to sift through the notifications, but none were from Sirius.

"I didn't get a text or anything. They must have needed to go grab something quickly from the store or something." Regulus shrugged. "Want to come in?"

James quirked an eyebrow in question.

"Not— Sorry, I'm not trying…I-I mean if you wanted…" Regulus let out a breath, running a hand through his hair. "Fuck, I don't know how to do this. I had pure, innocent thoughts, I swear."

James tried his best to hold a straight face before he burst out laughing. "Oh, Reg. You're so cute when you squirm." He lifted Regulus' hand to his lips and kissed the back of his hand. "I knew what you meant, and yeah, I'd love to. It would be nice to see your place without being terrified of your brother."

"You're an asshole," Regulus pouted.

"Yeah, but you like it."

Regulus hummed playfully. "Time will tell."

As Regulus unlocked his door, he had a sudden feeling of insecurity sweep over him about his apartment. Sure, it was tidy and everything had it's perfect home, but he also filled his space with things. He had always kept so many things, to the point that Sirius would remind him that they weren't broke. But it wasn't about that. He kept anything that brought him any semblance of joy. And so his space was all plush blankets and soft pillows, tchotchkes from vacations lining his bookshelves, and of course, books. Lots and lots of books that took up every available surface. Suddenly, bringing James into his home felt extremely vulnerable.

He turned on a lamp—a small one in the entryway because he never, ever turned on 'the big light'—and turned towards James only to find him much closer than he expected. James took another step closer, invading his personal space, and looked down at him. The soft yellow from the lamp made his tan skin radiate a warm glow and Regulus' breath hitched as he took in the beauty of the man in front of him. James lifted a hand to brush a stray lock of hair behind Regulus' ear and cupped his jaw with the palm of his hand, tipping Regulus' face upwards.

"You're so beautiful, Regulus." James said. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please kiss me, James."

James' grip on his jaw tightened infinitesimally for a brief moment, but Regulus' nerves were on overdrive. He leaned into it, resisting the urge to moan at the thought of those fingers gripping him harder. James' pupils widened at the subtle movement. It felt as though they were both walking a fine line between what they wanted to do and what they should do. Losing all sense of patience, Regulus pushed himself to the balls of his feet and brushed his lips against James'.

They were both tentative at first, unsure of themselves, but then James buried a hand in Regulus' hair and suddenly he felt nothing but desire and need. Regulus' hands found James' waist and he pulled him in closer, afraid that if he let go then this would prove to have never been real. Their kisses became more urgent, hungry for each other in a way that Regulus had never experienced. He felt as though the void of loneliness was being filled with each kiss they exchanged and if he hadn't felt how fast James' heart was pounding against his chest, that would terrify him. Instead of pulling away as he normally would, he pulled closer, wanting nothing more than to be able to crawl into James and never be apart.

And then Regulus heard a throat being cleared.

James pulled away and looked over his shoulder at the intruder. The movement allowed Regulus a view of the open door and his brother standing with his arms crossed looking rather vexed.

"Fuck off," Regulus said.

"Me? I'm not the one getting railed in the hallway. This is a public space you know," Sirius said with mock horror.

"We were only kissing. And this isn't a public space, this is my apartment. Just mine. You're not even on the lease. So, fuck off."

"To be fair," Remus said as he pushed Sirius all the way through the door so he could close it behind himself. "We're staying here for another couple of weeks. Maybe we can just all be considerate of each other in the meantime, yeah?"

James' brows pinched together but he didn't ask the question that was clearly on his mind. Regulus was thankful for that, at least.

"Yeah, Reggie. Let's all be considerate. You said we couldn't have sex in the apartment. You can't either." Sirius said as he kicked off his boots and hung up his jacket.

At that, Regulus analyzed his brother a bit more closely. His hair was a mess and his clothes were rumpled in a way that didn't speak of simply being worn. "Is that why you were gone? Did you two seriously just go off to have sex and come back?"

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, baby brother," Sirius sing-songed.

"Gross." Regulus scrunched his nose in disgust.

"Okay, well, on that note," James said. "I had a wonderful time, I'll text you, okay?"

Regulus nodded. "Yeah, sounds perfect." He hesitated for a moment before deciding to lean in to give James one last kiss before he left. "I had a nice time too," he murmured, offering James a small smile meant just for him.

After James left, the three of them stood together steeping in silence in the entryway. Regulus glared at his brother while Remus looked at Sirius with amused affection.

"Well, James seems nice." Remus said in an attempt to break the awkward silence between them all.

Sirius laughed. "James seems like—"

"Shut up." Regulus interrupted. "Don't talk about him, you don't know him."

"We've all known plenty like him." Sirius rebutted.

"Love, maybe you should ask how the date went instead?" Remus offered.

"We all saw how it was going." Sirius said.

A rage that Regulus couldn't place took hold of him at that. James wasn't like that—he was the only guy that he had ever gone out with who wasn't like that—and maybe his brother was feeling particularly protective right now, but he didn't have the patience for it. He shoved at his brother, sending him stumbling back into Remus, who swayed a bit at the impact.

"I hate you," Regulus seethed. "Goodnight."

#marauders #marauders era #regulus black #james potter #jegulus #jegulus fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #james x regulus #wip #evan rosier #background wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #the marauders #evan and regulus #James Potter is demisexual

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luvfae · 2 years ago

Note

okay hear me out, 26 & 1 from the scenario list w/ eddie please 🫶

BED SHARING

1: only one bed

26: x overhearing y has feelings for them

fandom: daisy jones & the six

parings: eddie roundtree x f reader

warnings: swearing, smut, fingering, choking

You didn’t sleep last night. You couldn’t. You were frozen in place, eyes wide open for majority of the night. Eddie, your friend since you were 14 and long term crush, was sleeping right next you. The close proximity made your heart race, you were so full of adrenaline that sleeping was far from your mind.

Eddie had offered his bed to you after you met up with the band in New York and decided to tag along with them. You didn’t think that when Eddie said, “you can sleep in my bed,” he meant right beside him, otherwise you would of found an alternative.

“You’re annoyed that you have to sleep next to Eddie?” Karen’s charming British accent rang through said boy’s ears as he walked past where you and Karen were sat backstage during rehearsals. Eddie came to a halt, hiding close by so he could listen. “Y/N, I thought you were infatuated by him why on Earth would sleeping beside him annoy you?” Karen laughed.

Eddie’s eyes widened at the words, his ears burning red. “Because I was turned on, Karen,” you replied, as if it was obvious. “He was right behind me and there wasn’t a single thing I could do because he clearly doesn’t feel the same way.”

“You don’t know that… you haven’t even asked him!” Karen exclaimed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Y/N, he looks at you like you put the sun in the sky.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Then why hasn’t he made a move?” You asked, standing up from your seat. “It’s fine… only one more night, by the next show Rod will have booked me my own room.”

Later that same night, as you were getting ready for bed, Eddie was pondering his decision. He thought about sleeping on the couch, but it wasn’t even comfortable to sit on let alone sleep on, so he decided against it. You liked him, he had heard you say it and little did you know, Eddie liked you too.

When you entered the room Eddie was already laying down in bed. You considered slipping out of his suite, convincing Karen to kick Graham out of her bed and let you sleep next to her, but Eddie had already spotted you. He was smiling, pulling the blankets back for you.

Your heart raced, laying down next to him, pulling the comforter over your shoulders after turning the lamp that was sat on your bedside table off.

“Goodnight,” you said, rolling over so your back was facing him. Eddie didn’t reply, instead he stared at the back of your head. He had the upper hand, he knew that you liked him back, so what was he waiting for?

Eddie shuffled closer to you, his hand pushing on your hip, forcing you to fall onto your back. You furrowed your eyebrows at him, the faint light from the outside world beaming in through the curtains allowing him to see your facial expressions.

“What’s wrong-“

Before you could finish your sentence Eddie’s lips were on yours. The kiss was hungry, needy, his tongue slipping inside your mouth. You didn’t protest, you let him kiss you, sad once he pulled away.

“I overheard you today,” Eddie said, pressing a sloppy kiss against your jawline and then your neck. “Talking to Karen, about me.” You froze, your skin heating up.

Eddie’s hand slipped under the waist band of your pyjama pants and you gasped, feeling his cold fingers dance along your skin.

“Eddie, what are you doing?” You whispered, afraid to speak any louder, confused as to what was happening right now.

“Shh,” he coo’d, his free hand rubbing your cheek softly. “You should of told me the truth, Y/N,” Eddie said, his fingers pushing your panties aside. “I feel the exact same way about you.”

Your breath hitched in your throat as he plunged two fingers inside of you without warning. Your fingers gripping the sheets below, mouth opening slightly, staring into his eyes as he smirked down at you.

“If I knew I was turning you on I would of taken care of it last night,” Eddie said, pushing his lips against yours again as his fingers worked their magic inside of you. Your hands moved from their grip around the sheets and tangled through his messy blond hair. “Does this feel okay?” He asked, his tone full of lust.

You nodded your head. “Yes- fuck,” you gulped, your back arching off the bed as he hit that spot. He curled his fingers inside of you, a moan breaking free from your throat, you slapped your hands over your mouth.

Eddie pried your hands away from your face. “Don‘t,” he said, his voice stern. “I want to hear every pretty noise that comes out of your mouth, Y/N. I wanna hear just how good i’m making you feel.”

You let out a shaky breath as he wrapped his free hand around your neck. “You look good like that,” Eddie whispered against your lips. “With my hand wrapped around your neck.”

“Harder,” you whispered, staring up at him, brows furrowed in pleasure.

Eddie‘a face changed, his eyes darkening, his grip around your neck tightening, making you whimper. “Beg for it,” he said.

You gulped. “Please,” you said, but obviously that wasn’t enough. “Please, Eddie,” you moaned, but his pace was steady. “Jesus Christ I need it, please!” You cried.

Eddie smirked down at you. “So needy and desperate,” he said, pushing a third finger inside of you and giving you what you wanted, finger fucking you with so much force it made your eyes squeeze shut. “Eyes open, baby,” Eddie teased. “Keep those pretty eyes on me.”

You stared at him, your face contorting into a look of pure bliss, sinful noises escaping your lips, your fingernails were digging into the skin of his biceps, his hand still around your neck. “You’re gonna make me cum,” you moaned out, hips rolling in time with his fingers.

“Do it,” Eddie said. “Go on, cum for me.”

His words pushed your over the edge, a euphoric feeling washing over you as your lips stuttered and your core spasmed against his fingers, your moans growing whiner and whiner with every passing second. Eddie rode out your high, slowly pulling his fingers away from you, drawing out one final moan from your sweet lips.

You watched him as he brought his glistening fingers to his lips, sucking your juices off as if he had been waiting to taste you.

“Is it clear now that I like you?” Eddie asked, his hands wrapping around your waist, pulling your chest against his.

You smiled, a fuck out look on your face as you pecked at his lips. “Yes,” you sighed, happily.

#daisy jones and the six #eddie roundtree x reader #eddie roundtree x y/n #eddie roundtree x you #eddie roundtree #eddie roundtree smut

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saffichearts · 11 months ago

Text

Show me some lovin'

Riri Williams x Fem!Black Mermaid!Reader | Reader is half Talokanil | Author been gone for 2 years | Stem!Riri? Stem!Riri. | Pure fluff.

I blinked the sleep out of my eyes, the first light of morning fluttering through the window, a soft glow on Riri's skin. There she was beside me, her breath steady, our legs tangled. I was still amazed at how warm she always felt, like the sands after a long day under the sun.

"Morning, ma," she murmured, her voice tussling with the last strands of sleep.

"Good morning.." I replied, my voice still trailing groggily.

She sat up, groaning a little as she stretched. I watched, fascinated with the way she moved — all angles and smooth muscle, a contrast to my own fluid grace. "You wanna hit the shower first, or should I?"

"You go. I'll... figure out the coffee machine?" I said, because making a drink out of ground beans still seemed odd to me.

Riri chuckled, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. "Aight, but don't fight with it, 'kay? It's older than some of the profs here."

She disappeared into the bathroom, leaving me to face the contraption that brewed hot, bitter water. It rumbled and sputtered like a tiny volcano as I fumbled with it, but I did get it to work. Eventually.

We left the dorm together, her arm casually draped over my shoulders. The world beyond was still such a strange mix of sounds and smells and textures, nothing like the soft, muted contours of Talokan.

We spent hours lost in the fabric of the city — museums, parks, diners with greasy spoons and laughter. Riri held my hand, her fingers a lighthouse in the strange sea of foot traffic and honking cars.

By the time we got back, night had wrapped the campus in its quiet, cool blanket.

We found ourselves in her dorm room once again, the door closing with a soft click behind us. I felt the weight of the land dimming, a longing for the crashing waves and the embrace of water.

She must've felt my shift in mood and pulled me onto the bed, into her arms. "Talk to me," she said, her voice a soft rhythm against the quiet of the room.

"It's just... sometimes I wonder how I fit here, in your world," I confessed, tracing a circle on her chest with my finger.

Riri combed her fingers through my hair, a motion as soothing as the tides. "You fit right here," she whispered, pressing her lips to mine in a gentle, grounding kiss. "With me. And I think you're dope — getting the hang of coffee, killing it at crossing streets, and owning my heart."

I laughed, the sound strange in the dry air, but it was full of warmth and trust. "You think so?"

"Absolutely," Riri promised, all earnest eyes and tender hands. "Plus, you teach me too — like how to just be still sometimes, take it all in. You're my mermaid babe."

We settled into the blankets, my doubts melting away as she held me, her heartbeat a new kind of pulse beneath the sea of my thoughts. Together, we were a confluence of two worlds, colliding, blending, coming to life in the quiet tide of the night.

"Goodnight, Ri," I whispered as her breathing deepened.

"Sweet dreams, my ocean treasure," she replied, and there, enveloped in each other, we drifted into dreams where water and land were one, and love was the bridge between two worlds.

Short but soft, expect a few more posts today. I had 2 years to write some shit 😭.

#riri williams x reader #riri williams #riri williams fluff #wlw #lesbian

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thatsmzbitchtoyou · 8 months ago

Text

The Temptation Chapter 2

Summary: Father Barnes is devout, steadfast, and undeterred by flirtatious congregants. So why does this fallen angel tempt him so? You cannot serve two masters. Will he choose God, or his heart? Priest!Bucky x curvy!reader Warnings: eventual smut; religion (yes it's a warning); mentions of past sexual assault

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Bucky couldn’t seem to shake her. Even though she never came to the church anymore, he saw her out in public way too often. They always seemed to be bumping into one another. They would say their pleasantries and then be on their way, until one day she invited him for coffee. He didn’t see anything wrong with going for a coffee. He’d done it with other congregants before. She invited him out to coffee more often where they would sit or go for walks and talk for hours about anything and everything. Religion as well, which he thought was odd. She was extremely well educated in scripture and passionate about intellectual and philosophical questions when it came to the idea of God’s existence or religion vs. spirituality. He felt like he was learning a lot from her and agreed with many of her points. Their coffee dates became a regular thing until she finally heard from the lawyer again.

“The estate is out of probate,” Y/N said offhandedly one day. Bucky’s head whipped around to her.

“Oh, that’s good. Took them long enough,” he tried to sound unphased.

“Yeah. I was thinking of holding the meeting at the church, since some of the money will be going to you guys,” she continued, looking out over the water where they sat at the Brooklyn Bridge park.

“That makes sense,” Bucky agreed. He sat silently for another minute before drumming up the courage to ask, “What will you do when it’s all done?”

“I don’t know,” Y/N said. “I have nowhere to be.”

“Hm…well, if you do decide to leave, I hope you know I’ll miss you,” Bucky knew he was playing with fire as he said it. He’d grown even more fond of and infatuated with Y/N as the months had progressed. He not only was attracted to her but genuinely enjoyed her company. He’d gone to sleep one too many times since starting to meet up with her a little too…excited, having vivid dreams of what life would be like with her.

Y/N gazed at him, an unreadable expression on her face. Bucky met her stare, once again knowing he shouldn’t, but wanting this moment. Y/N broke eye contact as she blinked rapidly then looked down at his hand in his lap. She reached for it and held it as she looked back out at the water. “Me too, Buck.”

***

“Father Barnes! I know you’ve met our helper today,” Sister Carter said as she led someone up to him. He looked around and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Y/N?” he asked.

“Yep, I uh, I don’t know what happened. One minute I was just talking to her at the grocery store and the next I was agreeing to help with an activity,” Y/N looked surprised and a little upset with herself.

“Well, Sister Carter can be quite convincing,” Bucky laughed. Sister Carter gave him a slight shove to his arm.

“It’s almost Christmas, we need all the help we can get for Mass,” Sister Carter scoffed at him. “And some rumors have surfaced about Miss Y/L/N having quite a lovely singing voice that she used to use back in the day, and our little choir needs desperate help!” Bucky’s eyes widened as he looked at Y/N worriedly. Y/N met his gaze and just gave him a shrug. “This way!” Sister Carter redirected Y/N sharply and pushed her towards the adults standing at the front of the sanctuary. Sister Carter ran over to the piano in the corner and sat while Y/N stood in front of the choir.

“Uh…hi,” Y/N waved awkwardly. “I guess let’s, um, go over what you’ve all been practicing?”

Within 20 minutes Y/N had the choir sounding better than they had for years. She was able to help them fix their vowels and fine tune the way they sang. Sister Carter was beside herself with excitement at having a choir that sounded somewhat good rather than a jumbled mess of noise.

“Miss Y/L/N, you’re a god send!” Sister Carter ran up to her as rehearsal drew to a close. “Could I ask you to help with one more thing?”

“Uh, sure,” Y/N sighed.

“Miss Natasha Romanov here,” Sister Carter waved over one of the altos, who quickly came over, “has a solo in the song ‘Silent Night.’ Could you help her with it a bit?”

Y/N shook Natasha’s hand as they all walked over to the piano. Bucky had been watching from the sidelines the entire time, admiring Y/N’s way of teaching people and her patience with them. He got to hear her sing little snippets of the songs. She had a nice voice, and he enjoyed getting to see this small part of her that she had buried long ago. He also felt a protective streak over Y/N, feeling the need to watch over the rehearsal to make sure she wasn’t pushed too far into doing things she wasn’t comfortable with.

As they practiced and Natasha was singing Y/N would interrupt and suggest trying something different, and when Natasha tried again it sounded better, making Natasha feel confident and smiling widely at her. Bucky felt himself smiling like an idiot as he watched. At one point Natasha was struggling with a higher note.

“Okay, yeah as an alto that’s a little out of range for you, so maybe if you try this,” Y/N showed Natasha how to breath to get the right support then showed her how to position herself and how to imagine the sound coming out of her mouth and through her body. “So…’Sleep in heavenly peace…sleep in heavenly peace’…”

Bucky was transfixed. Y/N’s voice at full volume, sweeping through the melody like it was second nature to her, with a perfect vibrato to it, was a sound he would gladly die to. Natasha repeated what Y/N had done and was able to recreate the sound almost perfectly. All 3 of the ladies celebrated with each other and ended practice. Bucky stood and started cleaning up after everyone that had come for Christmas Mass prep as Natasha left and Sister Carter and Y/N spoke to each other.

“Thank you for your help, Miss Y/L/N,” Sister Carter gushed over her. She glanced at Bucky who was farther away. “Looks like we had a fan watching us.”

“What a weirdo,” Y/N mock whispered.

“He’s quite the looker,” Sister Carter said, watching Y/N’s face carefully.

Y/N gave her a perplexed look. “Um, yeah, he’s pretty…yeah, pretty.”

“Too bad he’s a man of the cloth, am I right?”

“I’m sorry, Sister, what are you trying to say?” Y/N faced her, her eyebrows furrowing as she gave her a disapproving look.

“Nothing! Oh I mean no offense, dear. It’s just hard to see a young, good-looking priest be distracted by a…well…”

“A what?” Y/N dared her, her eyes flashing dangerously.

Sister Carter’s friendly exterior seemed to melt away as she gave Y/N a disapproving look back. “I see the way you look at each other, dear. It won’t happen. He’s a priest. He will always choose God over you. You’re his temptation, his Jezebel, nothing more.”

Y/N’s eyebrows shot up at her accusation, a loud scoff leaving her open mouth. “I beg your pardon?”

“I must get going, dear. Thank you again for your help tonight,” Sister Carter quickly gathered her song books and gave Y/N one last tight smile before leaving the sanctuary.

Y/N watched her leave, astonishment still on her face at her audacity. She huffed a sharp breath and quickly gathered her things. As she turned to leave she almost smacked right into Bucky.

“Oh god, I mean gosh, I mean…ugh,” Y/N grunted as she stepped back. “I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

“Whoa, what’s the rush, Y/N?” Bucky asked, an amused smile on his face. It disappeared as he looked at Y/N’s expression. “Wait, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Y/N retorted, rubbing her face with her hand. “It’s just late, I’m tired.”

“Oh, well, you sounded amazing up there,” Bucky complimented her. Y/N watched him as he smiled at her. “You’re a great teacher.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Y/N suddenly asked, her eyes narrowing at Bucky.

“Like what?” Bucky recoiled.

“Like…” Y/N stopped. She had had some serious feelings for Bucky ever since he had comforted her that first day after the office meeting. The coffee dates and long walks together as they talked cemented the fact that she not just liked him and found him attractive, but wanted him on a primal level. She felt like she had been doing a good job at keeping up the act of just being friends, besides the odd holding hands or hugging that was very brief. But if someone else could see something happening between them, it wasn’t as subtle as she had hoped. She shook her head at herself and shut her eyes tight. “I’m the temptation…” she muttered.

“What?” Bucky asked, leaning in to hear her.

“Nothing, it’s nothing. Excuse me,” Y/N scurried around him.

Bucky stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Wait, did Sister Carter say something to you?” he asked. Y/N tried to shake his hold on her but he wouldn’t budge.

“Let me go, Buck,” she tried to keep walking.

“No, wait,” Bucky suddenly cupped her face in his hands. Y/N froze, her eyes widening and her hands instantly grabbing his wrists close to her face. They sat there in silence, staring at each other, their breathing getting heavier, the space between them closer than it had ever been before. Bucky’s eyes bore into Y/N’s, flickering back and forth and then glancing down to her lips. Y/N gasped and pushed his hands away. Bucky stepped back, his hands still in front of himself like he didn’t recognize them as his own. “I’m…I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Y/N felt like she could cry. She wanted to reassure him, to hold him to her chest and stroke his hair and tell him it was alright, anything to wipe that awful horrified look off of his face. And yet the words kept tumbling around in her head. “Temptation…Jezebel…you’re the Jezebel…” She inhaled a shaky breath then turned and literally ran out of the sanctuary.

Bucky felt like he couldn’t move as he watched her run. What did he just do? Why did he do that? He held her, didn’t want her to leave, even felt like he was about to kiss her. What was happening?

**picture if from Pinterest, it's A.I. so there's no "artist" or "creator"**

@wintrsoldrluvr

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #marvel #smut #priest!bucky barnes x reader #priest!bucky barnes #chapter 2 #curvy reader #bucky barnes x curvy!reader

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websterss · 2 years ago

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MINDLESS LOVE — CLANCY GRAY

SUMMARY: Every time you think you’ve had a breakthrough with getting some of your memories back, you’re left feeling disheveled and confused. Completely unaware of Clancy’s mind control.

WARNING(S): angst, some fake fluff, gaslighting

WORD COUNT: 1,003

PAIRING: Clancy Gray x fem!reader

A/N: I hope you enjoy it! Feedback is always welcomed!

MASTERLIST

There were blurry spots in your memories that often made you worry. Some sort of block that gave you migraines around the clock. You often blamed the heat shining down on you. Perhaps dehydration...whichever it was made you fall behind on your assignments for the day. Your pain was too much to bear.

You wiped your forehead with the back of your hand as you entered the cabin. Your heavy breathing caught Clancy’s attention. He swiveled around, creases forming around his eyes and the bridge of his nose as he walked over to you.

“Hey, hey. Woah!” He rushed over to help you sit down. You were on the brink of fainting. “I got you, I got you.” He knelt down in front of you reaching forward to caress your skin. His love language. Touch, the physical contact. He once told you it made him feel safe. That knowing he was able to hold your hand, hug you, kiss you. For Clancy, it meant that everything was okay. You didn’t really understand it, but you gave up trying after running off with him. You knew you felt safe with him too. He was all you knew, the one person you still held onto from your pasts. You could only remember certain parts and bits, anytime you tried bringing up something to Clancy, you lost that train of thought instantly. You don’t even remember your parents. From what Clancy told you, they had abandoned you. It broke you finding out but the past was in the past. As Clancy liked to say. “Anybody in there...hello.” He laughed as you come back down to earth again. You hummed turning to look at his eyes.

“S-Sorry.” You tried to smile but the scrunch you made gave Clancy all the information he needed.

“The headaches again?” He frowned. Getting up to fetch your pain meds.

“I really thought today would be different...but they keep coming back.” You fall into your hands.

“Have you been drinking enough water? You know what being in the sun for so long can do to you.” He looked over his shoulder, then walked back. He stopped and crouched in front of you.

“Yes Cee, I have. That doesn’t mean it’ll prevent these stupid headaches from happening though.” You sigh, feeling more tired than usual.

He smirked seeing your annoyed expression. He rattled the bottle in his hand and twisted the lid off. “Well lucky for you...I’ve got just the cure.” He hummed. and handed over two little white pills. You threw them back into your mouth and took the water he offered you. Your shoulders fall, then relax in the silence that overcomes the cabin. Clancy reaches for your hand.

“Better?”

“A little.” You shrug. “I just- I can’t help but think that somethings wrong. Like I’m sick! I couldn’t even lift the bins with my mind today. Something is wrong with me Clancy and I think it has something to do with our past. I-I had a dream the other night...” He sat up straighter.

“What kind of dream?”

“There was screaming and yelling. I could have sworn I saw flashes of a woman. Maybe my mother!” You grip his hands.

“Y/n we’ve talked about this-” Clancy shuts his eyes, shaking his head.

“I know but something about this dream felt real. Like a memory pushed past this block that I seem to have. The block, Clancy! Maybe this could be a sign that my memories are-” You gasped as your mind became blank and your body froze.

“You didn’t see a woman. You didn’t anyone...” Clancy frowns as his eyes flashed orange.

“I-I didn’t see anyone.” You echo back to him. He reaches forward and caresses the side of your face again. He smiles seeing you locked in place.

“The dream you did have was of us. We’re at the lake...”

“At the lake...”

“We’re swimming, having a good time, splashing each other...kissing.” He whispers the last part.

“Swimming, having a good time, splashing each other...Kissing.”

“You don’t have a block, you’re fine, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re beautiful and healthy. You love me and I love you. You came back here because you spent too much time under the sun, okay.” He tilts his head, smiling at you. He twirls a lock of your hair around his finger.

“I don’t have a block, I’m fine, there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m beautiful and healthy. You love me and I love you...I spent too much time under the sun.”

“Good girl..” He mutters under his breath. His eyes revert back to their original color as you come to again. “You okay?” He chuckles.

“W-What?” You blink rapidly.

“I lost you there for a second again. You’re headache gone? You know what the sun does to you. I hate it when you push yourself. You’re done for the day-”

“What wait no-”

“No, you’re done. I don’t need Mike running in here, telling me you’ve passed out in the garden bay. I won’t have it.” He stood up and guided you up to your feet. “How about a swim at the lake?” He pulls you in close. His lips attack your cheek sweetly then trail down to your neck. Your skin felt on fire to each press of his lips. You sigh relaxing into his attentiveness and touch. “Night swim, no one around, just us?” He whispers into your sweet spot before attacking it. He knows he has you as your head falls back.

“W-We’ll get caught...” You breathe out. “Someone will see us.”

“You leave that to me, okay? Just relax...” He smirks again pressing one more kiss to your neck. As he lifts his head to look into your eyes, your body grows still. His eyes shifted to their orange color. “You be my good girl now, okay.” His thumb glides across your bottom lip. You nodded slowly as he caresses his thumb over your lips.

#clancy gray #clancy gray imagine #clancy gray imagines #clancy gray x reader #clancy gray x fem!reader #the darkest minds imagines #my gif #writings by juls

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gumnut-logic · 8 months ago

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Sweetapple Slice 9

Alexander Sweetapple series

This isn't much because I'm tired and it's nearly midnight after a very long day, so don't expect much.

Inspired by the slightly evil @womble1 How dare they dangle a concept in front of me like that. Things like this happen - though honestly, I don't think it is as good as it could have been if I had half a brain, but eh, it be fic.

Sometime in the future, I hope you enjoy.

-o-o-o-

Alex walked across the room and opened the huge window, letting in the tropical breeze.

The scents of Tracy Island were heady and he found himself breathing in deep. It helped calm his heart.

A bird squawked somewhere nearby and the ocean hissed beyond the dense pōhutukawa trees.

“Thank you, love.”

Alex turned back to Virgil, sitting up in bed, still pale, but so much better than he had been.

His partner must have seen something in Alex’s expression, because he gestured with one hand for Alex to return to him.

Alex didn’t hesitate, crawling across the bed to carefully slide in beside him, avoiding the healing injury in Virgil’s left thigh. He tried to ignore the yellowing bruises and healing abrasions scattered across Virgil’s bare chest, still hesitant to touch, afraid he might hurt him.

Virgil being Virgil, grabbed him with his right arm and drew him in close, kissing his hair. “You’re not going to hurt me. Stop worrying.”

Alex grunted, not willing to admit how much Virgil’s sudden injury and following illness had scared him.

One day they were planning a relaxing dinner in Sydney, of all places. Planning to watch the sun go down over the Harbour Bridge. Then half way through the afternoon, John had called, his voice parched.

Thunderbird One hit Māhia at speed and Alex had been airborne, halfway to London before he could knock two neurons together.

He’d never been to London before.

He still hadn’t really. He’d only been to that hospital, that room, with his seriously ill lover surrounded by family, not knowing if he would ever see those beautiful chocolate eyes ever again.

Scott was a man possessed.

Virgil had mentioned his big brother’s passion for his family. Through Alex’s own terror, he saw the man go from the calm professional to the desperate big brother.

Their father did his best to see to the eldest, but whatever he tried never seemed to be enough.

As for Alex…the days were filled with fear.

“I’m getting better, love. Please stop thinking about it.” Virgil drew Alex’s head down to his shoulder, stroking his hair gently.

Alex leant up and kissed his jawline.

He, too, was shirtless and Virgil’s warmth, both physical and spiritual, seeped in through Alex’s skin.

“What do you want to do today?” They had recently finished breakfast. Alex was ever so happy to see Virgil’s appetite return. He truly was getting better.

“I was thinking of doing a little knitting. Two’s stocks are getting low.” Virgil shifted a little where he sat.

Alex frowned. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Another shift. “Could you do me a favour?”

Alex sat up. “Of course.”

“There’s a bag, green, in that cupboard, second shelf.”

Sliding off the bed once again, Alex did as Virgil asked and found the bag. It was obviously a knitting bag. Metal needles clicked together as he picked it up and several balls of yarn peeked up through its drawstring top. Alex brought it back to the bed. “You never mentioned you knit.”

A half-smile. “It’s a thing.” Out came scarlet needles and a bright gold yarn. “Bit of a tradition.”

As he was speaking, Virgil started expertly casting on stitches.

Alex crawled back onto the bed, ever fascinated by what his love was capable of. “You are so much.”

Virgil stopped mid-motion, frowning just a little. “In what way?”

“Every time I think I know all your interests, you pop up with another one, and to top it all off, you’re proficient in all of them.”

A snort. “You can talk.”

“Yes, I’m an engineer, but that is all I am, Virgil. You? You are an engineer, a bloody brilliant one, mind you. A musician, an artist, a rescue operative and medic. You are so talented and skilled in so many professions…how are you possible?”

An arched eyebrow was pointed in his direction. “You are most certainly much more than just an engineer, Alex.” He reached up and stroked Alex’s arm. “So much more.”

Alex gave him the side eye, ever sceptical. “So what are you making?”

Virgil stared at him a moment before giving in and looking down at the mess of gold yarn in his lap. “Fish for a fish.”

“You’re making goldfish for Gordon? Why?”

“Because this time I was the one who was injured.”

“What?”

Virgil sighed. “We have a thing.”

Alex waited.

And waited. “A thing?”

“Gordon was seriously injured once. He needed some…motivation. So I taught him to knit.”

Blink.

Virgil obviously took that as a question. “He told me it was my turn to make fish.”

This was obviously another one of those Tracy-things Alex was never quite going to understand. The five brothers were a very closely knit bunch, pun intended, and sometimes they did things that defied explanation.

And this was likely one of them.

Alex sighed and curled up beside Virgil, prepared to sit beside him no matter what the man wanted to do. The last week had been hell and he thought that he had lost the one he loved. If that man now wanted to knit random gold fish for his quirky brother, he could knit as much as he liked.

Alex was just happy to have him safe.

As Virgil began to hum, relaxing into what he was doing, Alex let himself smile.

It truly was a beautiful sound.

-o-o-o-

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #virgil tracy #alexander sweetapple #nuttyfic #virgil tracy/alexander sweetapple #romance #virgil whump

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yandere-fics · 9 months ago

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♡ How Daddy Sawyer Punishes You For Breaking Her Rules ♡

(Sorry this took so long, I finally got something to eat(food stamp day is tomorrow so I won't be starving to death finally lmao) today and then I ate too quickly and I felt tired and sick. BTW rule 10 is intentionally empty since it's the finishing rule.)

♡ Rule number 1: On days when daddy is home when you wake up, you must always give her a big kiss as soon as you wake up. On days when daddy has to leave for work make sure to call her and tell her good morning as soon as you wake up. ♡

You hated when she called in her security team just to escort you to her office, it was literally in the building next door and the security probably already knew that the only time they had to come get you was when she was planning on punishing you. Resisting however only made it worse so you acquiesced to her demands. If you resisted the punishment would change from something upsetting you can deal with to something you very much didn't want to deal with.

"Beloved, you sat in bed for approximately half an hour this morning and didn't even reach for your phone to tell me good morning nor did you attempt to say it to the camera." She patted her lap and you sat down trying to avoid making eye contact before correcting yourself and making sure to look her in the eyes to try not to make your punishment worse, "I thought we already discussed how important it is for you to tell me, how am I supposed to work if I am not given my good morning."

She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose, turning you on her lap so she was cradling you closely. She reached for a blanket in the drawer of her desk and covered you. "I know you're upset that daddy is gone when you wake up but that's no excuse to ignore me, now I expect you to sit here on my lap for the rest of the day to make up for this."

♡ Rule Number 2: Always look daddy in the eyes when she's talking to you, you know how much she hates it when she can't see her beloved's precious eyes. ♡

"Look at me." She hissed which you ignored, you really didn't want to have to look at her right now, she'd fired your favorite body guard just because they accidentally bumped into you when they were guarding you because you stopped unexpectedly. You knew this was going to piss her off but you had to put your foot down on this, the guard did nothing wrong!

"Look. At. Me. I won't say it again." She squished your cheeks forcing your head in her direction but you closed your eyes. She let out a breath and you could tell she was rolling her eyes at your silly little defiance. "Do you want me to kill that guard for causing you to act like this, all you had to do is ask."

Your eyes flew open at that, staring straight into her eyes as she smugly smiled, leaning down and giving her a kiss on the forehead. "Good girl, now you know the rules for not looking at me when I ask. I think half an hour of time out sounds appropriate unless you want to keep arguing about this silly guard nonsense." You shook your head and let her lead you to the isolation room.

♡ Rule Number 3: Daddy must always know where you are, never leave the penthouse or her office without informing her and she must approve the location you're planning on going to. Daddy will assign you a bodyguard to go with if she approves the location. ♡

You'd broken a major rule today, this was by far the one she took the most seriously, said it was a matter of your security and never to be taken lightly. You hadn't yet seen what the punishment for this one would be however you knew it wasn't going to be pleasant considering how often she emphasized this rule in particular. You just wanted to be alone without a guard for a bit and it's not like anyone was going to hurt you when everyone knew exactly who you belonged to, they'd have to have a major death sentence. Still she wasn't likely to see reason and so you braced yourself as you walked into the penthouse with the bodyguard who had come to fetch you, a body guard who was promptly shot in the head by the guard right next to Sawyer.

"I thought I told you not to shoot that bastard while my beloved was in the room, you'll scare her." Yeah scared was uhm certainly a word that could describe it but really you just felt like you might actually piss your pants from what just happened. "Beloved, come sit on my lap." She snapped and pointed which led to you running over, just glad to not be standing next to the splatter corpse anymore.

"I'm sorry daddy, I shouldn't have gone out." She sighed and leaned back, her arm wrapping around your waist and also forcing you to lean back with her. The guard at her side promptly rushed to remove the body from the room though you doubted that would lessen the guards fate for firing so close to you even if they were 100% confident they wouldn't hit you.

"No you shouldn't have but it's okay, now you won't do it again." She lifted your foot, clicking something into place around your ankle, you looked down and it was an ankle monitor. "This is set so you can't step out of the apartment or my office unless I put in a code on my phone which will allow you to go to the place you have asked me permission to go, it will inform me if you're idling on the path or not going where you promised you would go."

♡ Rule Number 4: Don't remove the collar daddy put on you, no matter how angry you might be with her. ♡

The collar hadn't been easy to get off, not that it was tight, she would never point anything harmful around her beloved's neck however it was built solidly and it was very hard to pick the lock on the clasp area. Still it felt entirely worth it once you got it off, it's not like she'd knows, you were in the spa, a place the guards couldn't follow you into that didn't have cameras and you needed a break from feeling like property, you could always snap it back on later-

"Miss Y/N, you have a call from the boss, she would like you to answer as soon as you step outside of the sauna." The guard shouted from outside the sauna door, likely still on the phone with Sawyer. Well fuck there went your plans for a bit of independence you thought bitterly as you popped your collar back on. You threw on a long robe and stepped outside the steam room yanking the phone from the guard.

"Beloved, there you are, I noticed you opened your collar, honestly I thought the alert feature would be useless since my good girl would never try but it seems I was right to installed it in the lock." She cleared her throat. "I expect you back this instant, you've lost outdoor privileges for a month."

♡ Rule Number 5: When daddy gives you a gift, say thank you and accept it. Never reject her gifts, it's very impolite since she bought it with you in mind specifically. ♡

"Daddy, isn't this a bit much?" You whined, trying to sneak a few things out of the cart and back onto the shelf when she wasn't paying attention. She only hummed continuing to examine a dress she thought would look good on you, a floral sundress, she did really like the way you looked in a sundress.

"Beloved, you know what the rule is." She said sharply, tossing it into the cart without looking back, you looked at the price tag, yeah that was definitely getting put back on the rack when she wasn't looking, it's not like she'd remember every single thing she had picked out for you on this shopping trip.

"Yeah but-" "Shh no buts, just take the gifts." She finally looked down at the cart noticing some of the things she'd excitedly picked out just for you had seemingly vanished from the cart. "Pretty girl, it seems we can leave this store until you understand just how much daddy needs to spoil you. Put everything you removed back in the cart, we're going to be here all day."

♡ Rule Number 6: Never use your toys without daddy's permission, if daddy is almost done with work then you are to wait for daddy to arrive home and take care of you. ♡

You were so close when your vibrator suddenly switched itself off. You whined as you went to check if the batteries had died before you noticed Sawyer standing there with the remote in her hand glaring at you from the doorway. "Aww did my sweet baby girl think she was gonna get to cum without daddy especially since you should have been aware daddy was going to be home very soon."

"I- I'm sorry, I just didn't want to disrupt your work with such a silly question." She kicked her shoes off and pulled her pants and boxers off, holding up a hands to stop you when you went to pull the toy out.

"No no, I want to see how messy that toy has gotten my beloved." She crawled up the bed until her face was between you legs, her hands gently pushing the toy in and out watching how your cute hole clung to the toy desperate for the release she denied you. "You're not cumming until I cum tonight and you know how long it takes for daddy to cum especially when she's mad at her baby."

♡ Rule Number 7: Never reject daddy's touch when she's in heat, you don't have to allow her to knot you however you must accept her touches or she might get very angry. ♡

"Daddy I really don't want to cuddle right now, please?" You grumbled as she pulled you into her arms tightly, rubbing against you as if she needed to merge and become one with you, growling when you tried your best to get out of her arms.

"Beloved, you know how badly my heart affects me right, I need to be close to my beloved and if you aren't willing to cuddle then I assume that means you want to do something else." She slipped your sleep shorts and panties to the side and her cock throbbed painfully against your hole begging to finally be close to you.

"N-no please I don't want to be knotted right now-" "Shh daddy needs to be as close to you as she can be, my beloved mate, you knew what you were doing when you wouldn't let me cuddle you."

♡ Rule Number 8: When daddy tells you she loves you, you must always say it back, even if you're really mad you can't hurt daddy's feelings by not reciprocating her love. ♡

"I love you, beloved." You ignored her continuing to focus on your book trying your best to keep a straight face and act as if you didn't hear her so then she wouldn't be able to punish you since it wasn't your fault, you just didn't hear her, even though it was really because you really didn't want to get distracted from your book.

"My beloved, set your book down now..." She growled causing you to jump in your seat and rush to place a bookmark in your book. You looked over at her and gave a sweet "What is it, daddy?"

"Beloved I know you heard me-" "No I didn't what was it you said daddy?" She scowled as you still tried to play innocent, standing up and walking over to you, swiftly picking you up and sitting down on the couch with you over her knee.

"How does 50 spankings sound maybe then you'll remember what daddy said to you." "Wait I remember-" "Count."

♡ Rule Number 9: Tell daddy you love her after a punishment, it's important to kiss and make up. ♡

You'd been in the isolation room for what felt like the entire day, you couldn't remember what it was you had said that pissed her off so much but either way it leads to a very long time out and so when she opened the door, her arms wide open waiting for you to come hug her, you didn't feel the most inclined to act nice about it even if it was going to lengthen your punishment.

"Beloved, come here. I need your love." Yeah yeah you knew what she was expecting you to say if you wanted to get out however you had no intentions of saying it even if you had to be in here a week. She sighed and left the room with a disappointed "I'll check on you in an hour."

♡ Rule Number 10: Remember even when daddy is punishing you, you're still her beloved mate. ♡

#yandere oc #yandere lesbian #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #yandere asks #yandere scenarios #my oc sawyer

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padfootagain · 11 months ago

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You and the King (VI)

Chapter 6 : On a Journey

Hi lovelies! Here is a new chapter for my Caspian series!

I hope you like this new chapter! Let me know what you think!

****

Pairing: Caspian x reader

Warnings: one scene is a tiny bit spicy? Not very much though, you know me, I don't write smut. It's a rather light-hearted chapter!

Summary: Sequel to The King and You – After meeting Caspian in your own world, you decide to follow him to Narnia, your love for him too strong for you to keep your old life. But as you discover the magic of Narnia, you soon realise that this extraordinary world is as dangerous as it is magnificent. Will your love for Caspian be enough to defeat your new enemies?

Word Count: 2864

Masterlist for the series – Caspian’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

Lord Baras, Lord Luis and Lady Dalia were to travel in the same carriage as you and Caspian. The three men were sitting next to each other, while you and Dalia sat on the opposite side. Outside of the carriage, the royal guard was in charge of your safety, both Ammos and Diego guiding the carriage themselves. It didn’t stop Caspian from wearing his sword and dagger.

It was a long trip to Cair Paravel, almost a week of journey, but you didn’t mind. It felt nice to walk out of the fortress, to look by the window at the colourful trees swinging gently in the sun and wind, to let your gaze graze over the fallen skeleton leaves. And even if Caspian and you were not alone, it was enough to be able to catch his gaze with yours whenever you wanted. To see his cheeks redden ever so slightly, the ghost of a smile turn the corners of his lips upwards, his long hair let loose falling over his eyes…

Yes… yes this sight was enough…

The conversation quickly drifted towards politics, and if you tried to follow for a long while, you couldn’t help but be reminded that you were not ready to deal with such complex issues. Instead, you picked up a book Doctor Cornelius gave you to learn about Narnian history and geography, and started studying. You didn’t notice Caspian’s fond smile at the sight of your focused frown, of your lips silently moving along the words you tried to memorize. The rest of the passengers in the carriage did notice though, even if they said nothing about it.

The weather was on your side for your journey eastward. The sun was high and warm despite the coming of winter, the wind gentle in its breezes. You would have enjoyed walking across the forests you passed through, you would have enjoyed listening to the crunching noise of broken leaves, the vivid smell of earth, the laziness of painting orange leaves…

Instead, your head was aching, you guessed it was because of your efforts to memorize the names of these bloody princes and princesses, the sound of conversations you were trying to ignore and the rhythmic creaking of the carriage. You rubbed your temples in an attempt to soothe the pain, but the words were mixed on the page when you tried to focus again. Instead, you lost yourself in your own thoughts, looking by the window.

The light was too vivid as you passed through a valley, along the shores of a steady river. A wooden bridge allowed safe passage a few miles ahead, the area was like a long clearing crossed by a dusty road, with barely any tree, instead a field of lush grass and wildflowers. High hills, or perhaps short mountains, framed the valley, but did little to stop the warm sun. Your headache got worse under such bright lights, and despite the beauty of the scenery, you closed your eyes.

You had been travelling for almost five hours now without any real break, and all in the carriage must have thought that you had fallen asleep, as they started to talk in quieter tones. And you did doze off for a while, until you caught your name being spoken by Lord Baras.

“Lady Y/N seemed tired today, I hope the trip will not be too tiresome to her.”

You were about to open your eyes again to show everyone you were awake, when Caspian answered.

“Yes, these past few weeks have been difficult. But we will be both safer and more comfortable in Cair Paravel, it is worth the tiredness of the journey.”

“I have not talked many times with Lady Y/N, but she seemed… surprising.”

Caspian let out a chuckle.

“She most definitely is full of surprises, indeed.”

You could have opened your eyes and stopped the conversation, but you were too curious for that. Perhaps it was a little childish of you, to fake sleep when you could hear every word spoken. But then again, you wanted to know what the lords and Dalia thought of you. At the very least, the extent of their feelings they were ready to disclose to their king.

“I do hope that she will find the palace to her liking,” Luis said, his tone unreadable.

“Who would not?” replied Dalia.

“How are your studies with lady Y/N going?”

You guessed that the question was aimed at Dalia, although she took a moment before answering.

“Lady Y/N is a slow learner. But she does make a lot of effort.”

You were surprised by the rather positive feedback on your disastrous sessions with her…

That terrible book was still falling from your head after a few steps, after all.

“Many are still very much worried about how competent the lady will be as our Queen, as she was not raised in Narnia.”

“History has proven that our greatest leaders came from her world,” Baras argued, and you were surprised by him choosing your side.

“Of course, of course,” Luis answered with an audible nod.

“She is not alone in this task. She will not be alone to rule,” Caspian added. “She will be more than fine, I am sure of it.”

“Of course, you know her better than any of us,” Baras added. “We should trust your judgement.”

“Indeed, you should.”

“Many are still hesitant, though.”

“Many do not know what lady Y/N is capable of.”

“Echoes from Reepicheep’s lessons show that she will be of no use on a battlefield, that is for certain,” Dalia answered in a wry tone that matched better her feelings towards you, but Caspian laughed, you were surprised by the unexpected sound.

“I did not mean it in a threatening way. Y/N is… kind. And she is more than strong enough to stand her ground, if need be. She will be a just and gentle queen, once she has learned her ways.”

“Rumours are spreading more and more about the circumstances under which the two of you have met,” Luis said. “And some of the rumours are… bothersome, to say the least.”

“Oh, I am certain that some theories are as laughable as they are imaginative.”

Even if Caspian’s tone was still pleasant, his voice had tightened as well.

“Some say that you were kidnapped and forced into her world…”

“Well, I can assure you that I went there guided by my own recklessness and stupidity…”

“Some also say that your attachment to lady Y/N was called by a spell.”

“Magic does not exist in her world. At least, not in the form that we know of. I am perfectly sane of mind, thank you for your concern.”

“Of course, I merely share the rumours I have heard, I do not believe in them.”

“Of course.”

“So… you were not forced into this marriage? Some say that she might have manipulated you. Some say that she used magic to guide your heart.”

“There was no magic involved, outside of love.”

“It is hard to believe that you met her and fell in love out of pure luck, your Majesty.”

“Perhaps I did not. Perhaps Aslan guided my steps. Or perhaps it was fate. Perhaps it was pure luck. Call it what you wish. The truth is that I stumbled on her path, and in a world where I was lost, Y/N saved me. We fell in love. She chose to come here so she could be with me. There is nothing more to tell.”

“You seem perfectly resolute in marrying her.”

“I am absolutely determined to marry the woman I love, indeed.”

Caspian heaved a sigh, you felt him shifting his weight, his boot gently touched yours as he straightened his legs a little.

“We should stop for a few minutes,” he commanded, before opening the small window behind him to shout his ordered to the soldiers. “I am growing numb sitting in this cage.”

“It is safer than riding,” Baras argued, but Caspian huffed, annoyed.

“Which is why I have agreed to travel in this carriage, but I am still allowed to complain about it.”

Baras chuckled.

“I apologize. I know your Majesty prefers the wilderness to closed spaces.”

“Indeed…”

The carriage stopped a few minutes later, and after checking the perimeter, Ammos’s voice rang to notify the passengers that it was safe for them to walk outside for a while.

All climbed out, but Caspian lingered inside for a moment longer. He took off his travelling cloak and covered your still frame. He was arranging the soft fabric to tuck you in properly when your fingers held on his.

He looked up, but your eyes were still closed.

“I love you too,” you whispered, a smile spreading across your features.

He grinned.

“For how long have you been awake?”

“I wasn’t asleep.”

He chuckled.

“That was sneaky.”

“I’m learning politics.”

“And you are becoming good at it.”

He bent to kiss your temple.

“You should rest. We’ll leave again in just a few minutes. Try to sleep, my love.”

He brushed a strand of your hair away from your face, kissed your temple once more, before walking out of the carriage, a smile on his lips that matched yours.

The first evening was spent on the road. You stopped for a few hours but remained in the carriage to sleep. At the second sunset though, you reached an inn that would offer your shelter for the night.

It was already night time when you arrived to the establishment, and there was little you could distinguish of it besides its stature cut against the ghostly shapes of tree trunks and a lantern before the door that shone on a sign where its name was written.

The Fire Horse

Caspian offered you his arm as you walked across the leaves to the door, and you held onto it a little too tightly perhaps, but the shadows of the forest were not reassuring, to say the least… the canopy above your heads cut off most of the light of the stars and moon, you could barely see where you were walking.

The owners of the establishment were a couple of badgers that fussed around a lot, clearly over-excited at the prospect of welcoming the King and mighty Lords in their inn. You found them a little too overzealous, but they seemed nice all the same.

You ate some stew with the Lords and Ladies that travelled with you, the soldiers and lower lords remaining in tents outside. In total, about sixty people were gathered in the room, scattered in little groups around packed tables. There was but one large fire-place, and a broken window let in the cold of the evening. You were grateful that Caspian had not taken his cloak back.

Conversations went smoothly that evening, as most were too preoccupied by being noticed by the king to be mean to you. Besides, the mockeries had diminished after a few meals spent with Baras and his friends, as you stood your ground. Caspian had worked on shutting down many rumours and criticism towards you as well.

You weren’t accepted yet, but the animosity towards you was bearable now.

Both you and Caspian were exhausted though, like most of the party. Outside, besides the guards on sentry, all had already gone to bed when you were guided to your bedroom, right next to Caspian’s. Diego would stand before your door all night, and you thanked him as he bid you a good night.

You were getting ready to go to bed when you heard something tapping on your windowpane. You stopped your movements as you were about to remove the long chemise you wore under your dress. But the sound came again, softened not by distance but by a fear of being heard.

Your mind raced, trying to decide what to do next…

Should you call for Diego? For Caspian? Was it a threat?

You wrapped Caspian’s cloak around you, seized a steel chandelier from the table set in the corner of the room, and decided to draw the curtains before calling for help.

You almost dropped your improvised weapon when you saw… Caspian’s face on the other side of the window.

Now, a little explanation is required to explain why Caspian was at your window, on the third floor of the inn, right above a certain death were he to fall. There was no other door to your room besides the one guarded by Diego, there was thus no way anyone could enter your room undetected. Which was needed to assure your safety. But it was also a problem for Caspian, who wanted desperately to see you.

The cause of this sudden urge of his was probably to be found in the third glass of wine he drank that night at dinner. If he was not drunk he was a little tipsy, with pink colouring his cheeks and his brain taking more foolish decisions than his usually-wise self did. Which was why Caspian decided that it would be a fabulous idea to climb his way from the window of his room to yours. He did not think of the deadly fall that awaited him was he to fall down (lucky for him, your dedicated narrator made sure there was no obstacles to his climb, thus fighting this bloody pigeon that nested in the small nook right above his window). He did not think either of the possibility of being seen by the people sleeping in the dozens of tents that had been set all around the inn (again, lucky for him, I was here to make sure everyone was looking in the opposite direction while Caspian was stupidly risking his life and you were wondering if you were about to be assassinated, you’re welcome).

Thus, when you opened your window, it was to let inside your room a slightly dishevelled and out of breath Caspian, who was grinning all the same.

You hurried to close the window again, draw the curtains to hide him.

“What are you doing here?” you asked in a whisper, afraid to be heard.

“I wanted to see you,” his grin doubled in size.

“That’s dangerous! Do you know how high this window is?!”

He rolled his eyes.

“I have done more dangerous things in my life…”

“I don’t want to know any details about that statement. Still, what are you doing here? Aren’t we supposed to not be caught alone together?”

“Diego is on sentry before your door, and it’s the only way in…”

“Besides the window, clearly. And Diego might hear us.”

“He will not.”

“He might.”

“Are you not happy to see me?”

“I am. I always am happy to see you.”

“Then, why are you standing so far away, instead of being in my arms?”

You chuckled at that, heaved a defeated sigh.

“What was your plan, then?” you asked, walking over to him, and a second later, you were tugged in his safe embrace.

“Climbing inside by your window, spending the night with you and going back to my bedroom before dawn.”

“What if someone sees you?”

“No one will see me.”

(For someone unaware he has an amazing narrator as a guardian angel, Caspian sure is overconfident tonight…)

You heaved a sigh, but couldn’t help but relax and believe him when he whispered in your ear that everything would be alright.

You looked up when he pulled away enough to look at you.

“By Aslan’s name, I’ve been dying to do this ever since we left the fortress…”

Before you could ask him what he meant, Caspian was pressing his lips to yours, holding your face in his palm while his other arm was drawing you closer. It took you barely a second to react and kiss him as well, messy and urgent and too passionate for your lungs and hearts…

“Are you very tired?” Caspian asked before moving his lips down the length of your jaw, and then pressing open-mouthed kisses along your neck, right against your pulse.

“Not enough to ask you to stop, if that’s your question,” you answered with a playful smile on your lips, eyes closing as Caspian nipped at your soft skin.

He chuckled, pulling away completely. You raised a surprised eyebrow when he took off his shirt, leaving himself half-naked before you.

He grinned as he noticed your gaze roaming down the expanse of his chest, hitting the barrier of his belt, and then climbing all the way back up to his dark eyes, your gaze hungry now.

“Good, because I have plans for tonight.”

“Are you sure it’s safe?”

But Caspian’s smile softened.

“I want you. So badly. I’m ready to take the risk.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am. Do you want us to stop?”

But you shook your head.

“Absolutely not. I will kick your pretty arse if you don’t take off the rest of your clothes, actually.”

It was hard for Caspian not to laugh too loudly, after all, discretion was still an imperative. But a couple of seconds later, your lips were back on his, and they were most definitely effective in shutting him up…

#caspian x #king caspian #caspian x reader #caspian x y/n #caspian x you #king caspian x reader #king caspian x you #king caspian x y/n #caspian fanfic #caspian fanfiction #narnia #narnia fanfiction #narnia fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #writing #caspian series

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jawritter · 2 years ago

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Carry On

Chapter 19

Summary: It was just a simple hunt, found on a pie festival. It was supposed to be easy. Something they’d all done one hundred and one times a million. No one could have told Y/N, Dean, and Sam that nothing from that point on would ever be the same again.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester

Word Count: 3097

Warnings: Angst/Flangst, mentions of male masturbation, S*ut talk. Dealing with life after an injury, mentions of Body Dysmorphia.

Due to the graphic nature of this fic, and the fact that it will eventually contain Smut. This fic is an 18 + only fic! If you’re under 18 DO NOT read this fic!

A/N: This fic is beta’d by @kazsrm67 Thanks so much love! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! I hope you all enjoy this ride with me!

My Mastlist Series Masterlist

Y/N would have thought that by now, not sleeping would have been something that she was quite used to, but as she sat alone in the kitchen of what was Dean’s childhood home…now her home…at somewhere around six in the morning, she wondered if she was possibly too tired and stressed to sleep, which only added to her mounting exhaustion.

She was tired, so very, very, very tired.

Not that she didn’t have reason to be. Hell, they made a move yesterday that would have taken a toll on anyone. They moved three hours away from the only physical home they had ever known, to move back into Dean’s childhood home that he wanted to restore, to start a life together. That was enough to exhaust anyone. Add in Dean’s recovery to the whole scenario, and well, that was a good recipe for exhaustion all by itself.

Dean had been so tired last night once he’d gotten out of his shower, he’d barely even eaten two whole slices of pizza before he was already falling asleep next to her.

In a way, she was thankful for it. She was afraid he’d have trouble sleeping here because of the memories of all the past trauma he’d been harboring his whole life concerning this place, but it was safe to say he was so tired that he was out for the night. The man barely moved; all night long, and had it not been for the steady rise and fall of his chest, she would have been worried that he was dead.

He was still sleeping soundly when she finally decided to wander downstairs and make herself some coffee.

This place was in impressive shape, all things considering, but it needed work, there was no denying that. Then again, she wondered if Dean was gonna wanna change much of it. If he was going to restore it to what he remembered, if he remembered enough to even do that, or if he was going to change everything all together.

But what felt like it needed more work than the house and the garage at that moment was herself and Dean.

Dean was getting stronger, she knew that, she could see that. But, the biggest problem was, she didn’t think that HE could see that. He felt weak. He felt like a failure. She was seriously starting to worry about whether or not he was getting stuck in his own head, and the whole feud with Sam wasn’t helping anyone.

Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried to regain control of the swirling thoughts, worries, and emotions that thundered through her mind. It was too early in the morning to be this stressed out. But here she was… killing it.

This is why she was already finding gray in the midst of her hair.

One thing she did know for certain, Dean and herself were not going anywhere or doing anything today other than just being lazy, and maybe a little light unpacking around the house. She wasn’t even going to let him get dressed if she could help it, and go down to the shop. The shop would be there after he rested some. He’d damn near overdone it yesterday, even though he wasn’t going to admit to her he was in pain, she could tell that he was last night when he’d crawled into bed next to her. She refused to let him set himself back just because he felt the need to push himself to the breaking point.

Forgoing the mostly cold coffee that sat on the table in front of her, Y/N decided to make her way back upstairs to check on Dean. She wanted to be there when he woke up anyway, just in case he was in a lot of pain. Watching him sleep was far better than being stuck in her own head down here all alone before the sun even broke the treeline.

If she was struggling with all of this change, surely he was too. Dean wasn’t a very open person, so getting him to admit it was going to be fun. If she did it wrong, she was afraid he’d shut her out like he did the night before, when he made the comment about her joining him in the shower.

It wasn’t that she was that desperate to have any sort of sexual encounter with him. It was more that she wanted him to gain the confidence back in his own body.

Would he be able to do things the way he always did them? Absolutely not. Did that matter to her? Fuck no.

But did it matter to him? …. Yes…. Yes it did.

She wanted him to understand, she loved him regardless of his handicap, or what he might be able to do or not do in bed. All that mattered to her was that he was still breathing. None of the other stuff was important -not really. But could she ever get that through to him?

Dean’s POV:

As soon as Dean started to wake up, he regretted that he had, and refused to open his eyes in hopes he’d drift back off to sleep.

He felt hungover, and he hadn’t drank a drop. It was most likely attributed to the fact that he’d taken an extra two pain pills when he was in the shower the night before, but in his defense, he was hurting pretty bad when he went to bed, and knew if he didn’t get it under control; he wasn’t going to sleep. He just didn’t expect to effectively knock himself the fuck out that easily. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that his tolerance was starting to drop like that. Normally it would have taken him a hell of a lot more than a few pain pills to fuck himself up. Since Y/N had been around, even through his injury, he hadn’t felt the need to dabble in alternative means of self-management.

He could feel Y/N stir in the bed next to him, and he knew that he needed to get it together; make himself wake up. The only problem was he was afraid to move. He could already feel the nagging nerve pain licking at his back, and his legs were aching, which wasn’t unusual. He always woke up with his body aching from laying in one position.

He hadn’t realized he was taking deep breaths to try and get a grip on it; until Y/N’s hand landed lightly on his chest, and he instinctively reached up to grab it.

“Are you in pain?” she questioned, and he nodded with his eyes squinched shut tight, and his teeth sinking into his lower lip to try and divert the pain away from his back. He knew it would do no good to lie to her right then, she’d probably been watching him for a while now.

“Let me go get you something for the pain,” she said, and as he felt the bed shift, before she could remove her hand from his chest; Dean’s hand gripped hers tighter, refusing to let her move.

“No,” he managed to say through gritted teeth as the pain ebbed and spiked again in a rhythmic pattern like it did most every morning. “I took more than I should have last night. It will pass, it’s just from me laying flat on my back all night. As soon as I can make myself sit up it will ease up a lot, just help me sit up.”

Y/N didn’t argue with him, she just moved from the bed, and for a moment, he was afraid he’d angered her, and she’d just walked out of the room on him, so he pried his eyes open and found her making her way around the bed to get beside him to help him sit up.

“You overdid it yesterday Dean,” she scolded him as she helped him to pull himself into a sitting position and propped his pillows up behind him so that he could relax more comfortably. He would have argued with her; but he didn’t think he had the grounds to, after admitting out loud he’d taken too much pain medication last night. “Today, we’re just gonna relax, the shop and the unpacking will be there tomorrow. I don’t want you to overdo it and set your recovery back again.”

“Okay, fine, we can have a lazy day, but you’re staying here with me. No unpacking, no dealing with anything, just… just stay here with me for a while… Okay?”

He knew he sounded pathetic, but honestly, he felt pretty fucking pathetic sitting there on the bed as she made her way back around to get onto her side of the bed again; he felt like nothing more than a useless lump of pain and regret.

“I can agree to that,” Y/N said with a reassuring smile.

He waited for Y/N to settle next to him on the bed before he reached for her, wanting at least some form of closeness to drive out the cold he seemed to feel all the time now as his eyes shifted around the room that was once his mom and dad’s, taking in every minute detail. He knew this adjustment was going to be a hard one, he just never realized how much harder he was going to face these things in the light of day, when the distractions of moving weren’t there to divert his thoughts.

Y/N’s POV:

Y/N waited until Dean was settled next to her before she pulled the covers back over the pair of them, and rested her head lightly against his shoulder; secretly monitoring his breathing to see that the steady rise and fall of his chest became smoother in motion, indicating the pain had indeed ebbed away some.

Y/N didn’t know if Dean knew it or not, but she’d noticed that he’d been having trouble getting around in the morning for some time now. She knew he was trying to hide it from her, and from what she could research, the fact that he was having this problem, considering his injuries, was normal. The thing that worried her was if he was trying to hide that, what else was he trying to hide?

A heaviness settled over the quiet room as off in the distance the sound of cars passing up and down the road as people started to wake up, get to work, and go about their day.

That was a sound neither of them were used to, the sound of cars moving around them as the neighborhood started to wake up all around them, and Dean’s brow furrowed as he tilted his head a little and listened. It was the sound of normalcy. The sound of a life that happened outside of the horror that they had lived in for so many years, and it was jarring.

“Dean?” Y/N prompted, causing him to clear his throat and press a kiss to the top of her head lightly.

“I’m okay,” he answered, “it’s just a lot to take in now that the dust has started to settle.”

He wasn’t wrong about that, and she had been dealing with that factor all morning.

“It’s like I keep waiting on the next catastrophic event to take place,” Y/N admitted, and Dean’s grip tightened around her as if he could protect her from her own head. “Like I’m waiting for the next shoe to drop out of nowhere, and for this all to come crumbling down around us again.”

“Me too,” Dean admitted, “But I refuse to live my life in fear of what might happen anymore. Jack said he’d be hands off, and he meant it. We are free, we won, there’s nothing bad gonna happen like that to us anymore. We’re gonna be okay.”

It seemed silly, but hearing that out of Dean’s mouth suddenly made it all feel just a little bit better. Like the floor wasn’t about to fall out from under her. She hadn’t realized it, but she really needed to hear him say it, that everything was gonna be okay. Which seemed so small in light of everything that Dean was probably dealing with that she didn’t even know about.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I'm sure that must seem so irrelevant when you break down and look at everything that you must be dealing with being back here, and uprooting your whole life.”

“I’m definitely dealing with my own ghosts,” Dean admitted, “but that’s all they are, ghosts from the past, and they don’t have power over me unless I let them. Still, that doesn’t mean that they haven’t reared their ugly heads since I moved in here with you last night. I mean, I still haven’t had the balls to even walk into Sam’s old room. What mom and dad had set up as the nursery.”

Y/N hadn’t either, she couldn’t work up the nerve to go in there, and honestly, she couldn’t blame him for not wanting to right now either. If she had her reservation about walking in there right away, and she had no active memory of what happened here, she was sure Dean had a lot more reason than she did.

“There’s no rush,” she told him, running her fingers up and over the expanse of his stomach to distract herself from her own nerves. “We’re here now, there’s no reason to push it. We have time.”

“What do you even remember?” Y/N questioned, “If you're okay talking about it anyway.”

Maybe she shouldn’t have asked him, but she was curious. She couldn’t help him deal with the ghosts if she didn’t know where they were coming from after all.

“Not much,” Dean admitted. “I remember the fire… the heat of it… and I remember carrying Sam out of the front door.”

Y/N wrapped her arms around him that much tighter, wanting to protect him all over again. Dean leaned forward and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

“I was very young, thankfully, I don’t remember the more haunting events that happened that night,” Dean voiced.

Y/N moved to sit up a little, and accidentally brushed her hand against his lap, and Dean jumped as if he’d been shot at. That stung. It wasn’t like she intentionally touched it there, it was an accident. But every time she even remotely got close to him in that way, even if it was unintentional, every wall the man had shot up, and he pulled away as if he was disgusted by her.

“Sorry,” Y/N murmured as she attempted to stand up from the bed altogether now, suddenly she wanted to put some distance between them. Almost like an act of self-preservation. To prevent him from hurting her, because if no one else had the power to hurt her with just an action or words alone, she was pretty sure Dean could. “I’ll go downstairs and get you some coffee and breakfast going, just lay up here and relax—”

“Stay?” Dean begged, grabbing her hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that, it was just a reflex. I swear.”

“Dean, you don’t have to lie on my account,” Y/N tried to give him a half-hearted smile. “Either way it was just an accident,” she continued as she moved from the bed towards the door. “I didn’t mean anything by it, and I’ve told you before I’m not trying to push you into something you’re not comfortable with. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable,” Dean continued with a grunt as he forced himself to stand up next to the bed, determined to follow her and not allow her to run from this conversation. “Please Y/N, stay here and talk to me.”

Y/N turned to stand in the doorway, and her hard features softened a great deal when she noticed that Dean was struggling to get himself to stand up straight; he was sore, no matter how much he’d tried to hide it from her, and she suddenly felt guilty for making him stand up when he didn’t really have to, so she moved to help him sit down on the bed.

“I don’t know how to talk about this,” Dean admitted, pinching his eyes closed as Y/N sat silently down on the bed next to him. She wasn’t going to force him to tell her anything, if he was going to open up to her, she wanted it to be on his terms.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you physically,” Dean admitted. “I mean, I do, God I do. I miss being able to be intimate with someone in that way. But I don’t physically know if I can no matter how bad I want to. I don’t want to initiate something that’s gonna blow up in my face, and I won’t be able to finish what I started. I don’t want to end up in pain because I moved wrong or whatever, and more than that, I don’t even know if I can keep or maintain an erection until completion, that’s the truth. I’m not avoiding you, or putting you off, it’s not you, it’s me.”

The weight that suddenly settled over the pair of them was almost suffocating. In all honesty, sex just wasn’t something that Dean had talked about at all since the accident. If he had, it was just brought up very briefly, and wasn’t expounded on in any way. She didn’t know it was something that was even crossing his mind, and she really didn’t know what to say to make him feel better.

“Dean, I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you to do anything like that. I’ve told you before, that there’s no rush to jump into something you’re not ready for. If, big IF, for some reason you ever decide you're ready to try, then whatever the outcome, it’s not a bad thing if you have to stop, or aren’t physically there yet. It’s okay. There are other ways to be intimate with someone other than physically having sex with them. You know that.”

“I know, but that doesn’t make me feel any better, because I’m scared that if I drop the ball the first time, I’m never gonna be able to pick it up again.”

“Dean, even if you can’t do it the first time, you should know by now that if you work at something, and if you keep at it, then you will get there eventually. Hell, you’re doing a lot better than anyone ever expected you to be doing already! One failed attempt doesn’t mean that you will never be able to do whatever it is you’re trying to do, it just means that you can’t do it right now.”

Dean said nothing, he just continued to stare at his feet that were dangling off of the edge of the bed. She knew that this wasn’t easy for him to talk about, and she felt as if she was being no help to him at all, which only made her feel worse. What do you say to someone that’s dealing with this though? Is there even a ‘right’ thing to say?

“This is gonna be a very personal question, and you don’t have to answer it, okay?”

Dean made a grunting sound in response, but that’s about all she got out of him.

“Have you tried too… you know ge—”

“No,” Dean answered swiftly before she could even stutter out her question. “To be honest with you sweetheart, I’m pretty disgusted with myself most of the time. The thought hasn’t even crossed my mind to try it.”

There it was, what she had been seeing hints of since the accident. Body dysmorphia. She was almost SURE that’s what it was. Because he’d even stopped letting her help him get dressed in the morning, and he would throw a towel over the mirror when he was getting dressed at night for bed or whatever.

Physically, Dean looked the same as he did before the accident; save the beard and facial hair.

But to Dean, he wasn't the same. To Dean he was different, weak. To Dean he'd never be the man he once was. It disgusted him. Not only emotionally, but apparently physically. That shattered her.

"Dean," she tried to get him to look at her, but he didn't. "There is not one thing about you that is disgusting."

"Doesn't feel that way baby," Dean admitted.

"Dean, I'm gonna be transparent with you. Is that okay?"

Dean nodded, averting his gaze to anywhere in the room but her. He always did that when he was uncomfortable. She knew he was about to shut down on her.

"I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, or take all the anxiety and hurt and anger away… but I don't. All I can do is tell you that no matter what you can or can't do. No matter if it never gets any better. I still love you Dean, and nothing's gonna change that."

Dean blinked as he looked at her stunned; eyes swimming with emotions. Still, she saw no hint of rejection there.

"When you're ready, we will try the physical aspects of things. But there's no rush."

Dean leaned his head on her shoulder, swallowing thickly.

"I love you too, " he whispers. "I can't survive losing you because of this."

Y/N placed her lips to his forehead, letting them linger there for a long moment.

"You're not gonna lose me Dean, we are gonna be okay, and you're gonna overcome this too, just like you fooled all of them and started walking on your own."

She believed that. She really did. She just wished he would too.

Forever:

@britnwinchester

@samanddeaninatrenchcoat

@wittysunflower

@demongirl1996

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@jensenslady79

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Jensen and Dean’s Babes

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kittenmittenmeowchu · 6 months ago

Text

Cute

Kafka x Reader

prequel to my next work! ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊

Thanks to stelle you've got your Kafka to notice you!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

"Oh I've finally found you~ Were you talking to someone just now?" she purred inquiring with a little peek around the hall.

"N-no I've just arrived...alone."

You respond with the flush in your cheeks and the shaky voice in her presence.. She smiles back at you. Her eyes roams up and down to your body. Despite the pressure of her gaze you keep your smile.

She mutters with a widened grin, her cheeks tinting a pinkish color.

"Cute."

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

"Today was supposed to be one of my peaceful days.. Secluded in my room with nothing but games." though words were kept in the mind of the speaker.

The silver haired has her hand running though, locks shifting to follow the brush of her fingers And allowed view to her golden eyes including the crinkles of her furrowed brows, narrowing her glare to the other one across the table.

Tap tap tap tap tap-

"What are you thinking so hard about?" She questions in her head, exasperated of you.

Tap tap...

"Stelle." You call her out, earning a raise on the brow.

The look in your eyes made her distort in displeasure, "Is this about Kafka again?" Stelle complains.

her irritation showing to the amount of times you've asked her concerning about Kafka, always ruining her free time and asking for advice when she shouldn't even be the one you should come to for advice!

But she couldn't just ignore it , she is the reason in the start of your dates with Kafka after all.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

As a detective, you we're a total failure. But Stelle helped you up on a mission, inspiring you to become a proper one and study.

One day Stelle needed your help for something important, and after finishing the mission her kind heart went on to let you decided on what your payment shall be.

Unexpectedly you confess about finding the existence of stellaron hunters and that you fell in love with a specific one that you know Stelle has met before—found out with your detective skills.

Begging on your knees, just one audience with Kafka was more than enough. Stelle wasn't planning to since it was impossible, but at that moment Stelle caught a message from Kafka.. Asking if Stelle wanted to watch movies together. Of course Stelle took the opportunity to set it up and got them to meet up and even talk.

Though that's not the main reason she can't refuse you. It's because she said she's the master of romance and agreed on helping you with Kafka on her free time.... Being the stelle that she is, her pride was too high.

She has also attempted telling you to ask your other friends but you didn't have any. So..

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

As everyday goes, you ignore her annoyance and ask about Kafka.

"Could it be Kafka doesn't see me as a woman..?" Your orbs poking for any sort of answer from her's, but to no prevail as she showed her nonchalance in view.

"what do you mean...?" She questions sounding fed up as she slumps her head to the table.

"Think about it. She's always calling me cute! And never sexy or hot!" You exclaim with knitted brows.

Stelle sighs and lifts her hand with her head to rub the growing anger off her bridge, she looked at you long enough to realize she shouldn't be mad at you, you're too much of an idiot for that.

She points at your shirt and down to your dress, raising her brow Before crossing her arms, expecting you to understand.

However the tilt to your head brought her to explain what she meant.

"You're always dressed to be cute. Why would you expect her to call you sexy like that??"

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh.' "

"Okay now I see but what should i do??"

Of course you'd ask that. She hummed with a grin, leaning to the table with her arms crossed on it.

"You're gonna have to wear something sexy and hot if you wanna be sexy and hot." She said pointing to the clothing store right though the window, it showed to be right across the street.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

Stelle sat to a plush jet black couch crossing her arms..

You come out with a long coat, a red dress tied with black around the waist, gold designs, flowers attached to the dress and a sleeveless shirt dress.

"So where exactly are you wearing this to?"

"A date... Tonight."

"Tonight!?" She repeats with surprise, not expecting it to be tonight with how you've acted earlier.

"Too quick?"

"No... Probably not.."

"What do you mean probably!?"

Stelle sighs "let's calm down first."

Stelle had to convince you to let go of that cute dress and helped you to picking the kinda dress that stood you out the most in a hot and sexy way. Because of her you got to get ready for tonight. However it took too much of your time and so the make-up was done by you as quick as possible... Perhaps leaving a mistake on your way there.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

"Hey are you sure about this...?"

"What are you saying, it's perfect.."

"You don't sound so su-"

You turn from the sound of clacking footsteps.

"Oh I've finally found you~ Were you talking to someone just now?" She purred inquiring with a little peek around the hall.

"N-no I've just arrived...alone. "

You respond with the flush in your cheeks and the shaky voice in her presence.. She smiles back at you. Her eyes roams up and down to your body. Despite the pressure of her gaze you keep your smile.

She mutters with a widened grin. Her cheeks tinting to a pinkish color.

"Cute."

Dammit. You weren't called sexy or even hot... But you have Time, tonight in your date you will get those words out of her mouth once in for all!

#kafka #kafka x reader #stellaron hunters #honkai star rail #mentions of stelle #part 1 #stelle giving advice #teasing kafka #kyaaaaa kafka yes please!!!

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phenomenalgirl9 · 1 year ago

Text

Namjoon x Reader: Ghost of You

⚠️ Warning: This is just despair and goes spiralling down. Major character death, indication of bad mental health, depression and suicide. Read at your own discretion.

Summary: He thought you were doing well. Maybe he was too busy to see through the facade you built for the world, or maybe you were too good at doing it.

A/n: This is just a coping mechanism of the blow to the heart that I received today.

W/c: 2.1k

_____________________________________

"Young blood thinks there's always tomorrow"

The songs resonated through the little mikrokosmos speaker that Namjoon had bought the mood light set to the specific light that you loved. He sat on your high back chair that you always sit on, smiling at the ceiling watching the lights move. He closed his eyes..

_____________________________________

10 months Ago

There you were sitting on the bed hair messy, your specs rested right on the bridge of your nose. You intently looked at the screen eyebrows in a frown. "Hey baby" Namjoon cooed, but there was no response, as he walked closer he realised why, he noticed the little bobs of your head as music played through your airpods. He slowly walked behind you and hugged your back. "Fuck!" You exclaimed on being startled but immediately eased at the familiar feeling and the warmth creeping onto you from him. "How long were you here?" You asked him, pulling out one of the earbuds. "Not that long" he said, pulling you into him, you turned yourself in an angle so that you could rest your head on his chest.

"How much longer would you need?" He asked. "Not much, just 20 minutes and I'll be done" you said. "Then complete it, I'll order some food and set up the couch and we can watch a movie" he said and you nodded.

_____________________________________

8 months ago

"You look tired, aren't you sleeping well?" He asked when you yawn for the 4th time in the past 5 minutes. "No, I just had a lot of work to do, it's okay I'll catch some sleep later, you'll spend the night at the studio right?" You said pouting. And he nodded, "Yoongi hyung said we'll need to complete the tracks today itself". "It's okay baby" you said, snuggling further into him. "I'll be busy for the next week too" he said "If we could just you know-" he stopped in the mid way, you knew what he was talking about. "I've told you Joon, that we can't move in yet, you still stay at the dorm. You do know that my sister and Yuki both come to my house often, what will I tell them if we move in? I can't hide your existence from your house" you scolded him and it's his turn to pout. You and Namjoon have been in a relationship since the past 3 years, and it was strictly prohibited by the company that Nobody, not even your friends or family could know. So half of your friends think this whole boyfriend may be made up, and the rest suspect you are dating a ghost. But, you didn't mind as long as you had Namjoon by your side. The only down hill was that Namjoon wanted you to move in with him, but you couldn't because it would complicate things. That was the last thing you wanted to happen between Namjoon and you.

_____________________________________

6 months ago

You were startled by a knock on your door, you looked at the time and it was 11:00pm. You splashed your face with water and were wiping it, while contemplating if you should open the door at this hour. That was when you received a text from Namjoon to open the door and you realised it was your boyfriend at the door.

You opened the door and he walked in and hugged you, placing a kiss on your lips and forehead. "I thought it was some creep knocking on my door at 11 at night" you joked and he hugged you tighter. "Tired?" You asked and he groaned. He has been promoting and practicing non-stop for the next BTS world tour. The tour's gonna be bigger this time round. "I wish you could just come with me" he groaned again into your shoulder. "I wish I could but I can't, I can't explain to my mom why I will be touring the world for 3 months with this boyfriend whom she hasn't even seen" you laughed, patting his head. And he held you tighter.

_____________________________________

4 months ago

"Are you sure you're okay?" Namjoon asked and you nodded. "Yeah Joon, I just don't want to go out" you said, and he nodded his head in understanding. "It's okay, let's order in" he said and sighed as you cuddled deeper into him.

_____________________________________

Another day 4 months ago

"Did you eat lunch?" He asked through the phone, "yeah~" you said. The tone seemed different, and Namjoon knew you were lying. "Y/n?" He called your name and you knew you were caught. You could never lie to him. "I wasn't that hungry, I'll eat something in a bit" you promised.

_____________________________________

3 months ago

"I'm always a call away" he said and kissed your forehead. He was on his way to the airport but he made a quick stop at your place. You nodded and sniffed trying to keep the tears at bay. "Eat well and sleep well" he said and you nodded. "You too, take care and don't overwork yourself" you said "take care of the boys as well" you said as the two of you kissed. Him leaving for tours has been a common thing by now, but this time it all felt too difficult. He just couldn't bring himself to let you go. "Joon? Your phone is ringing" you said, and pulled it out to see Jin's name flashing. "You have to go," you said, almost snatching the words from his mouth. He nodded, he kissed you for the last time and hugged you tight.

"I'll see you the moment I get back, okay?" He said. And you nodded and waved him bye.

_____________________________________

2 weeks into the tour

Namjoon has never regretted anything in his life as much as his decisions. He couldn't shake off this feeling that something is wrong back there, with you. You've been so out of it recently. Barely answering his calls, you've been avoiding his video calls with various excuses and he keeps feeling this dread.

"Maybe you're overthinking?" Hoseok suggested and Namjoon shrugged. "I hope so," Namjoon said. "Try to call her often, if she doesn't want to video call try to get her on it but don't force her give her time" Yoongi said. Yeah, only BTS themselves were acquainted with you. They are all concerned because they all knew you, growing up with troubles you've always had lots of struggles. But with the help of your surroundings and Namjoon you were doing much better.

Namjoon just regretted leaving you alone back there, he wished he would have tried to make some arrangement with the company to bring you on tour. It didn't help that he missed you like crazy.

_____________________________________

3 weeks into tour

"Finally, you accepted my video call," he said, and you smiled. "I miss you, I've been really busy, I barely had time" you said, "I miss you too, are you wearing make-up?" He asked. You nodded and said "I'm going out with Yuri, she'll be here soon" you said and smiled. "At Least you found some time to show me your face," he said, showing his dimples. "I wanted to say that I love you Joon, so so much and you must take care of yourself and don't worry, okay. Everything will be fine. I love you" you said. "I love you too, babe. Please take care" he said. "Yuri must almost be here. I'll hang up, take care. Always remember I am always with you, I love you, Kim Namjoon" you said and waved and hung up. Namjoon felt glad to finally see you but your words were stuck in his mind.

The next day he texted you and waited for your text, which never came. He thought you were probably out till late and slept, or tired or busy.

"She must just be busy, she'll surely reply to you" Hoseok assured him. Even Namjoon himself was dead tired, doing shows in different cities and more schedules.

_____________________________________

2 months ago (2nd week)

It's been a week since he last spoke to you or even got the time to text you. He's been on schedules and concerts non-stop. Now when he realised, he felt extremely guilty. You didn't pick up his calls or reply to his texts, maybe you were angry. He will make it up to you for sure, once he goes back.

"I need more time, but time can't be borrowed"

_____________________________________

2 months ago (3rd week)

"It's been more than a week hyung. She still hasn't replied" he said. "She's probably angry and busy" Jin said and shrugged. "It's fine, don't you have anybody else's number?" Hoseok asked gulping his sprite and Namjoon shook his head a No. "You dated for 3 years and you don't have any of her friend's or family's number?" Jimin asked in shock. "Nobody was supposed to know, so she never told anyone. And I never got the chance. The only people who know are the pr team, Hitman Bang and you guys" he said and they all frowned.

_____________________________________

2 months ago (4th week)

Still no reply.

Your only social media, Instagram, had no activity. Namjoon was now desperate, he even asked Hitman Bang to send someone to your flat but your neighbor said, they haven't seen you in days and your apartment was locked from outside.

Namjoon kept trying to contact you, but to No avail. He has to wait 2 more weeks until he can reach Korea. He'll first go home, he remembered he had a package from you once and you sent it from you home, it might have your address if he can find the box. He'll immediately go to find you, it was his (and even the rest of BTS who promised to help him) topmost mission.

_____________________________________

1 month ago

He reached the dorm, and checked he had mail. One box caught his eye and he picked it.

"To Joon" the box said and he knew the handwriting like second nature. He dropped his bags as the other members piled in and went to their respective rooms. Namjoon dropped his bags and rushed to his room. He ripped the package open, it had your favourite plushie inside it and a journal, your old journal that you had stopped writing for a while, or so he thought. Dread filled every sense of his and overflowed. His hands shook as he picked the notebook and found a page marked, tears brimming his eyes, as he read page after page of entries. The page was marked at 6 months ago, the previous ones were much much older. The words crushed him, how he failed to notice all the pressure that was piling up on you. How he failed to notice the tears that you hid from him, the sleepless nights you passed up saying you were working. The spiral you tried so hard to come out of slowly pulling you back into it. All the small triggers that added on and on until you were back to square one. But this time around you hid all of it.

He dropped on the ground when he realised how his absence overweighed on all those pressure. The self doubt and hate you were goin through. Your pain. The last page has one entry, "don't tell them, it won't do any good. And don't even dare to blame yourself. THIS is all on me."

As if on cue Hoseok rushed into the room with his tablet a news article in hand, he noticed the notebook, the plushie and Namjoon tear filled eyes on the ground. "Oh no Namjoona, I'm so sorry" he said and hugged his mate.

Namjoon shook his head and read the article it was almost 1 month old, "Y/n L/n a resident of ABC complex, fell from the 15th floor passed away on spot. An investigation was held but upon seeing the fact that she was wearing make up, was well dressed and lack of any sucide note, the case was ruled out as an accident……" he couldn't read anymore. He sobbed out loud in Hoseok's arms.

_____________________________________

The others had pulled some string and found out where you were buried and they all had visited you. They all shed tears that day except Namjoon. He was sad and angry at himself and you. You always tried to take on everything on your own, even though he had told you not to.

He now realised all the hidden messages between the things you said. And what you said, that day.

"Always remember I am always with you, I love you, Kim Namjoon"

_____________________________________

"I know you crossed a bridge that I can't follow"

He opened his eyes as a tear slipped his eye. He glanced at the clock it said 12.00am. "Happy Birthday Y/n" he whispered in the air.

_____________________________________

Masterlist

Taglist: @bbl32 @back2bluesidex @cherryblossom-2004

#imagines #bts x reader #bts #bangtan x reader #namjoon angst #bts angst #bts namjoon #rm angst #kim namjoon #namjoon x reader

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bokettochild · 1 year ago

Note

with my father's funeral today and your perchance to write excellent "Wars/Time/Sky going dad", felt like telling you about a rather fitting song for any of the Link-Dads (although im mostly focusing on Sky and Legend)

it's called "My Father's Eyes" by Eric Clapton. he wrote it as his whole life, he never met his father. one lyric from it "I feel like a bridge that was washed away. My foundations were made of clay" made me think of Legend and how although he had his uncle, you do have part of him longing to have had parents at some point. knowing they love you helps, but it's quite different when they're gone forever

trust me, i know

another fitting line was "As my soul, slides down to die, how did I lose him, what did i try? Bit by bit, I've realized. That he was here with me, I looked into my father's eyes." it reminded me of when Legend realizes that Sky is pretty much his dad now. even though he never had his father, he looked up and saw him in Sky

it's a great song, my dad loved it

I'm sorry I didn't get to this over the weekend when you sent it, but as soon as I could, i sat down and listened to the song.

I don't know why or how I came out writing what I did, but I hope it helps at least a little (I think you were asking for a story? Sorry if I read this wrong)

Anyways, my brain's been trapped by the last update, and the song made me listen to other similar ones and I got this

Midnight Skies

Legend won’t lie and say he doesn’t feel jealous when, the moment they arrive at Hyrule castle, Four runs and jumps into the arms of the first knight they see. Not that he’d freely admit to said jealousy though as it churns in his gut when the man swings their smallest hero around with a deep laugh before settling small feet again to the earth and ruffling already mused and messy blonde hair. Height aside, there’s enough resemblance; something in the eyes and the set of the jaw, that leaves no doubt as to the fact that the armored soldier is their smithy’s father.

And doesn’t that just sting.

He’s pretty sure he doesn’t let on anything over dinner, as not one but two men sit to their smithy’s side, father and grandfather all too eager to hear how their boy has been, egging stories out of the heroes and sharing some of their own. All while Four groans into the table and tries, desperately, to discredit all present and deny any and all accusations. Legend manages, somehow, to smile and laugh along, all while something dark twists inside his gut, hating the smithy for the way the other hero groans and complains about father and grandfather both.

As if he isn’t the luckiest one among them to have both.

Time’s father was a tree, or so the joke goes.

Twilight was raised by a whole village, the local blacksmith taking primary care of teaching him as he grew up, but even then, the relationship isn’t exactly father and son.

Warriors keeps any word of family held close to his chest, but the brief mentions in past imply that any father he knew was distant and typically drunk.

Wild doesn’t remember being a kid, much less having a family.

Wind was raised by his grandmother.

Hyrule’s father was gone before he was ever born.

Sky was an orphan raised in the academy by the elderly housekeeper and her husband.

And well, Legend had his uncle. For all of eight years before Ganon’s knights killed the man in a sewer beneath the castle. And even after the triforce brought him back, the man was... different.

It hurt.

Four’s father is warm. And when the smithy splits, four persons now rather than one, all are greeted by color and treated with fondness.

Uncle could never understand why he’d changed. Why the little boy who had wanted to run an orchard and live in the country would suddenly wake up crying most nights. Why warm hugs were fought off in panic. He’d been startled when Legend couldn’t stand to so much look at a dog, never mind pet one. There’d been endless confusion, and on some nights, he’d overheard Uncle talking with the Elder’s wife. She’d come up to check on them, on him specifically, but they’d both thought he was asleep. He wishes he had been. He'd never have heard Uncle admit he didn’t know how to handle him anymore. He'd never have heard the man call him a stranger.

Legend had set out the next day, claiming to visit Zelda.

A visit turned into a plea for anything to get him out, which itself turned to a mission to Holodrum to find Din.

Some days, he regrets having left.

The house was empty when he came home. He’s still not exactly sure what happened, and he couldn’t bear to ask, but he hopes, wherever he went, that Uncle’s life got easier without him.

Sometimes he wishes he’d fought back the screaming of his mind and just allowed strong arms to wrap around him one last time. Wishes he’d hid it better. Realistically, at nine years old, there was no way to hide the demons in his mind. Not while living in a little one room cottage. Not when Uncle stayed up late anyways, or late for Legend anyway. Now, nine o’clock hardly seems late at all, especially when sleep evades him so often, but back then, it’d seemed so very late indeed, especially in winter.

Sometimes, when Warriors takes out his pipe or someone cleans their sword, he can almost smell the heavy tobacco and sword grease scent the old knight always carried on him. Even now, sitting in Four’s house, the smell is everywhere. Grandpa Smith smells just like him, and doesn’t that just rub it all in deeper? Doesn’t watching the little touches, the hands on shoulders, the hair ruffles, the slaps of the back that nearly send the smithy flying, just make his heart scream and fists clench with the desperate urge to punch the smithy in his smiling face.

Four just had to have it all, didn’t he? And the smithy doesn’t even realize it.

Legend excuses himself as soon as dinner is over.

He doesn’t make a big deal about it, is careful to smile and duck out when the others are all talking. It’s just all too much to stand and watch, and it hurts a part of him that he thought he’d numbed ages ago. So, the moment he gets out, a breathe of relief escapes into the night air around him.

He’s fine.

No really, he is. He’s fine.

Gnarled fingers catch old wood. The roof over the forge isn’t low, but it’s lower than the one in the house, and with the slope of it, so common in add-ons, it’s easy to hoist himself up onto the thatching, to settle back against weathered straw and stare up at the skies.

The night is a cool one, but any breeze there is exists in only a whisper, and he manages to not shiver against it as he lays, tracing constellations and finding long familiar ones.

Well, until he remembers how Uncle had been the one who’d taught him how to find them, then it’s ruined.

He’s not mad, he really isn’t.

But it does hurt.

It hurts like finding his parent’s house. Like knowing they were alive for years, that they weren’t dead like everyone said, or at least not when they’d said it. They’d been out there; lost, but thinking of him, and if he’d only come sooner, set out instead of lingering, innocent and clueless at home with Uncle, he might have had a chance to meet them.

Legend pushes himself up, arms wrapping around his knees as he stares to the stoney path that leads to the forge door.

Did he have his mother’s eyes? Before the dark world’s transformations changed their color for good? Did he get the pretty crystal blue from her? His father? Zelda has the same color as he used to; which parent did she get it from? They’re almost each others’ reflections, past scars and pain, the streaks of silver in her hair and the creases beneath his eyes. Life hasn’t been kind to either of them, but they had each other.

He wishes they’d had more.

He hasn’t been around as much as he wishes, but they’ve sat up and talked about it once or twice. What were they like- Zelda once mused into his arms- their parents? Was their father tall? Was their mother pretty? Do they have his nose? Which one had slender hands? Which one did the two of them get their sharp ears from? Who was the strong one?

And when the sun had set lower, and it’d been too dark in the keep for them to see each other anymore: would they have loved them? Would they be proud? Would their parents have looked at what they’ve done with their lives and smile? Would they be sad?

He’d never said it, kept it close, but tonight, staring up at the sky, Legend wonders if they would have understood.

Or maybe they would have been like Uncle, and the fate that got its claws into their children would have made them turn away in despair as well.

His throat hurts.

“Legend?”

The voice is soft, but it makes him start all the same. He hadn’t heard the door open at all, but there’s a shadow on the path below, framed in the light from the open cottage door.

Quickly, he runs a sleeve over his face. He hasn’t cried in a long time, but he checks just to be sure. After all, you can never be too cautious around other people. Especially adults.

“Vet?” the voice repeats, a tick of concern in it.

For a moment he debates just waiting for them to go in again and give up. He’s tired of people, and he doesn’t want to deal with whomever it is. He thinks it’s Twilight, that or Warriors, because the voice isn’t rough enough for Time, and the shadow is too tall for anyone else.

But after the time on the road that they’ve had, after he’s scolded Wild and Hyrule both for wandering off so often, he doesn’t exactly have the right to let the others worry. Not when he’s scolded so much for them doing the same.

“Up here,” it’s more sigh than call, drawn out reluctantly as he hunches forwards a bit further, chin settling on his folded arms.

The shadow on the path shifts. There’s the sound of everyone in the house still laughing and talking, but it fades as the door falls shut, the light and thus the shadow below disappearing with the noise.

He breathes again. They went in. He’s alone again.

He kind of wishes he wasn’t.

“You alright?”

So, he isn’t? Legend straightens, looking down below the thatching and catching sight of sideswept bangs and dark eyes. Twilight’s stare is shadowed, by his hair, the light, and some emotion the veteran can’t name, but it’s intense. If he hadn’t been fixed by it so many times before, it would make Legend squirm. It doesn’t though. He’s had the rancher up his tail enough before to be used to his stare. Scolding him for bullying Sky (he’d just been frustrated, but who even cared really?) for snarking back, or teasing Time. Twilight’s stare was on him almost the whole time he got turned into a rabbit, and while it wasn’t nearly as stern, it held a similar weight. Now it’s more similar to the night after that horrid battle with the shadow. Twilight’s eyes aren’t harsh or accusing, but there’s something warm in them for the brief moment he can see them before the man disappears beneath the awning.

Callused hands catch the beam at the edge of the rood, and it’s only a moment or so before the rancher is swinging up in front of him, puffing and grinning crookedly as midnight blue eyes catch his own. “Up for some company?”

He shrugs, but motions to the roof around him, settling further into his slump.

Twilight’s smile fades into a frown in moments. “Something bothering you?”

He shakes his head.

Dark brows draw low as the rancher swings up fully, crawling across the roof before settling at his side, heavy eyes fixed on him all the while. “What’s eating you?”

“Nothing,” he mumbles into his arms, but even as he says it, he knows Twilight won’t believe him.

The rancher’s hand lifts from the roof, hovering between them, uncertain.

Legend turns his stare back to the path below them. “’m just tired, rancher. ‘s fine.”

Heavy eyes scream disbelief more than words bother to utter.

Legend shifts, curling a bit tighter and setting his jaw, gaze fixing on the ground below. If he doesn’t look, Twilight’s pained stare can’t make him talk. If he doesn’t move, maybe Twilight too will give up and just walk away. It would make trying to sort his head out easier.

“Ledge, hey, talk to me.”

The rancher’s voice is so soft it physically hurts.

“You’ve been tense all evening, bunny-”

And that is just the breaking point because that’s Uncle’s pet name for him! He can’t help the way he turns, scowling, ready to hiss that Twilight cannot call him that, only to pause as predicted at the man’s heavy stare. Twilight looks all so familiarly pained, like he does when Wild’s struggling with his memories or Time’s being especially harsh. He’s never seen it directed at him though.

He's not sure what to do with it.

Dark hair sweeps forwards as the older man shifts, leaning against his own raised legs to mimic the veteran’s pose, stare heavy and seeking, but not expectant. “Did something happen?”

It takes a moment for him to remember to respond, but when he does he shakes his head quickly. Breaking eye contact helps, and he drops his gaze back to the path below, chin settling in the folds of his sleeves to stop him glancing back.

“Well somethings eating you.”

Not anything that’s the rancher’s business though.

“You’re not normally this quiet.”

That earns a look. A scowl that has Twilight chuckling, deep and throaty, shoulders shaking as the man turns glittering eyes back to the path.

Legend follows his gaze. There's nothing down there, but at least it’s something to look at. He needs that; if his mind doesn’t settle on something he just knows his thoughts will spiral out to places even he doesn’t recognize.

It’s quiet for a moment, only the deep sounds of Twilight’s breathing and the rustle of trees filling the air around them, and despite himself, Legend tunes himself to their sound, matching the rancher’s breath with his own until his heart slows a little in his chest and some of the knot that’s curled there loosens. It’s only then, as he matches the pace of the other, that Twilight breaks it to speak.

“Almost makes me miss home.”

“Ordon?” He’s not sure why he asked.

The rancher nods. “Yeah.” There’s another little chuckle, the shaking of the rancher’s head as he moves to lean back against his arms, eyes drifting upwards towards the sky. Legend tracks his stare, turned upwards to the Ancient Beast; the stars of its eyes twinkling extra bright against the expanse, as it stares down as though to meet it’s match. He huffs a little at the thought, silent, and turns back to stare at the path below them.

There’s a few stones missing on the left side, cracked and overgrown on the right.

It needs repair.

“I’ll bet Uli’s singing the baby to sleep right now,” the rancher muses, smile fond and lonesome. “Colin will have drifted off ages ago, and Rusl is probably still out in the forge, getting the last of the fall work done before the snow sets in.” The man hums, rolling his shoulders. “Goat kids’ll be nearly grown about now, ready for slaughter.”

Legend winces, and it earns another laugh from the man as sparkling eyes turn down to him again, grin still present but all too aware. “How about you? What will it be like at home for you?”

He debates answering, before at least deciding it’s not worth it to let Twi keep pushing. “The trees are probably ready for harvest. Orchard will be all full of fallen fruit right about now.”

“And?” the other man prods.

The veteran shrugs. “Fields are probably being cleared. I dunno, I’m not a farmer.”

“What is your family probably doing?”

Something sharp and bitter inside whispers ‘lying in graves’ but he keeps that to himself, instead answering “don’t have one.”

Again the soft smile fades, warm eyes all too pained, all too knowing, all too frustratingly warm as he sits and tries to ignore them. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s life.”

“So you have no one?”

Silence.

“Not even a friend somewhere, waiting for you to come home?”

He shrugs again, he’s not sure. Zelda is out there, but she knows he’s gone and won’t be expecting him back. Syrup and Irene might notice he’s gone, Gully will, but they won’t be waiting either. They all know he comes and goes like the autumn wind, there one moment and gone the next. It’s almost a saying back in Kakariko that if you see the hero you’d better catch him before he fades away, as there’s no telling where he is from day to day.

Seeing as there’s no place to linger for long, he doesn’t know what they expect.

Twilight twists around, gaze heavy and eyes sorrowful. “Is that what it is? Seeing Four at home?”

He huddles down a bit furtehr, as though the flinch off the blow the words deal.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” And it’s less question than it is sigh, the rancher turning back to the sky, pain still present in midnight blue, the stars dimming within. “When there’s no one at home waiting-”

“Do you have to rub it in?”

Twilight starts, flushes slightly and moves to rub at his neck. “Sorry.”

“It’s not the end of the world,” he mumbles into his sleeves, fingers gripping tight in dark folds. “’s just how things are. No point crying about it.”

“Makes things awful lonely though.”

As though Twilight needed to tell him.

Legend curls just a bit tighter into himself, eyes falling shut. It’s childish, but a part of him hopes that if he closes his eyes, Twilight will just go away and stop reminding him of it all. “Don’t you have a champion to be wrangling right about now?”

The thatch beneath them rustles, betraying some sort of movement from his companion, but this time he has the sense to keep his eyes shut as Twilight answers, has the sense to leave himself in the dark as to the look on the other man’s face, or what he’s doing. “Wild seemed pretty content to sit and listen to Time trying to out match Leon and Mister Smith.”

“And you weren’t content to stay with them?”

There’s a soft little hum and then “I wanted to be out here with you.”

What the actual-

“Why?”

“Because.” As though it’s the simplest thing in the world.

And it seems like to Twilight it must be, because when he lifts his face to stare at the man, bright eyes are turned up towards the sky, face peaceful and undisturbed, even as Legend stares in utter and complete confusion. He keeps staring too, waiting for Twilight to admit some real reason, or to look at him and laugh at him for believing the words, but the man doesn’t. Twilight just keeps watching the sky, gaze darting from one constellation to another until at last the man frowns, face creasing in confusion as he stares upwards.

Curious, Legend tries to follow his gaze. He has to edge a bit closer to the other man, but the flick of an ear is the only response to his motion, so that even when he's only a few inches away, there’s no complaint.

When he looks up, he sees the Holy Maiden cradling the moon in her arms.

“Four said there’s something round the moon,” it’s like Twi knows he’s looking too, although he knows there’s been nary a glance spared his way since last words were spoken. “but I can’t fathom what the heck it is.”

Legend huffs. “It’s the Holy Maiden.”

“The wha?” Twilight’s smile is almost infectuous.

He rolls his eyes, leaning a bit closer to trace the stars, showing the rancher how they mesh and weave into the image. “It’s Lolia, goddess of the Mirror World.” His hand falls, and it’s only then he realizes just how close he’s pressed himself to his brother’s side, Twilight’s gaze on him though stops him from shifting away, almost wary to move at all as the man watches. “She’s Hylia’s reflection.”

There’s a furrow in dark brows, but nothing said. Rather, an arm comes up around behind him, warm and solid against his back.

He's not sure what prompts him to continue, gaze trailing up to stare at the crescent cradled in star formed arms. “They say that when darkness first fell on the world, the people were afraid the world was ending, so Lolia crafted the moon to give them light and assurance, even on the longest and harshest of nights. They say she holds it up herself each night to give promise to her people, and whenever it’s light fades, she renews it so they’ll never be without.”

“Always just thought it was a big rock in the sky,” comes the answering hum.

Legend snorts.

The arm behind him shifts, lifting to settle around his shoulder and pull him closer as the rancher’s other hand points upwards, towards the Great Triangle. “What about that bunch over there.”

Laughter escapes him despite himself at the man’s incompetance. “You really were brough up human, huh?”

He’s expecting some scolding or huff, but Twilight just glances down, arching a brow expectantly.

Legend rolls his eyes and gives in. “it’s the Great Triangle, the stars that point the way to Hyrule Castle. Once upon a time, they say the Triforce was formed up there.”

~~~~~~~~~

#lu legend #lu twilight #ketto writes #asks and answers #linked universe #linkeduniverse #cantankerouscanuck my beloved #best wishes with you friend #i hope you find healing

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