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insufferablelust · 4 years ago

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Hey I absolutely love you’re writing, and I love your writing style. can I request a Spencer Reid x sub!reader fic where she is out with him and his friends for dinner and she keeps teasing him infront of them and then he gets frustrated and punishes her in the restroom ? Can you include degradation,(name calling and dirty talking), choking and exhibitionism.

hi love! thank you so much for req, sorry it took me such a long time to get to it, i was in a bad place for couple of days. And i changed the settings a bit to fit the pictures in my imagination i hope you don’t mind. thank you once again, enjoy! and for those who have been patient enough for me to write their reqs, dont worry it’s all coming soon! MASTERLIST HERE!

WARNINGS : Dom!Spencer x Sub!Reader, Smut obvi, Fingering, no penetrative sex, Degradation by name calling, Exhibitionism, Pretty intense breath play by choking, Spankings, brat tamer-esque!spencer, bratty!reader, umm fluff??? thats it i think

You must admit that teasing Spencer wasn’t really your intention tonight, you really tried your best to behave especially after being so reckless going after an unsub alone without waiting for back up, but you got lucky and the unsub was caught. Although, Spencer still can’t help but to be mad at you, you were careless and he didn’t like that.

The entire jet was silent, mostly asleep except for you and Spencer. Right after you caught the unsub, Spencer pulled you into a secluded area far from prying ears of their teammates and scolded her, “You could’ve gotten yourself killed, Y/N?”

Then and there you should’ve known not to get bratty, should’ve just apologized and said that you were trying to save the girl but your adrenaline rush got the best of you, and that led you to gave him two things he hates most, an eye roll and remark, “Oh! give me a damn break! i saved the girl, and caught the asshole too, you’re so insufferable.”

He was taken aback of course, even you were too. Your lips trembled as you thought back to his face, there was a slight pain that crossed his eyes, but mostly you knew that deep down he knows you didn’t mean that. But does he? because right after that you two separated your ways to the jet up until now.

“Spencer..” You whispered, he sat opposite of you besides Alvez and you beside JJ. He looked up momentarily from his book before shaking his head and hold up one finger, oh great your dominant boyfriend is seething and he’s giving you a time out.

You pouted as you sank deeper into the seat, before reaching to tangle his legs with yours as a sign that you’re sorry. To your delight, he hummed, leaned forward and pat your knee— it was his way of saying “yes i’m not mad but that doesn’t mean you are out of punishment.” Then you fall asleep after that, drifted off to the thought of what he’ll do to you later.

—————

Spencer groaned lowly as he heard the team are planning a celebratory dinner after they had done their paperwork, it’s not that he hated his teammates, they’re his family after all. But right now, all he wanted was to leave bruises on Y/N and to make sure she had learned her lesson, he was so frustrated that his palm was twitching at the thought of her being so reckless like that.

He was pulled out of his thought when she tapped his shoulder, innocently batting her eyelash and leaned on his desk “Are we going tonight?” She nervously asked, eyes won’t meeting his directly which he frowned at. Gripping her wrist, “Y/N, look at me.”

Y/N instantly turned her head to him, eyes looking directly into his, before apologizing “I’m sorry.. sir i’m really sorry..” She muttered, dropping her head in shame that brought extreme sadness to him, instantly pulling her into a hug and cradled her. “Shh, i know you wanted to save her but that was careless, can’t go running around and risk your life like that.” He wasn’t a fan of PDA but when he needs to show you what he meant, he’ll do it even if he has to show bits of their romantic life.

“I know, that’s why i’m sorry.” She pouted up at him, earning a soft smile and a kiss on the lips. “Lovebirds, you two coming?” You heard Rossi snickered beside you, as you blushed and looked up at your boyfriend for answer,

“Yeah, yeah we’re coming.”

Oh how wonderful, your bratty little mind thought.

——————

During the entire ride to the restaurant, you and Spencer engaged in small conversations mainly about how weird New York was when you seen it last, and pointing similarities about stuff. It was all fun and good until your hand started to creep up on his thigh, fingertips dancing against the fabric of his pants. He didn’t pay you any mind at first, no he thought you were just being touchy feely with him.

Oh but that changes quickly when your fingers ghosted over his clothed crotch, earning herself a warning from him, “Y/N.” Your eyes peered at his as you grinned, hands still running up and down his thigh sometimes getting closer to his crotch.

“Yes, Doctor?”

There it is, she has drank the poison and now she’ll deal with the consequences.

————

Throughout the dinner Y/N kept on continuing her devious acts, brushing his calf, running her fingertips directly on his crotch, moaning at the taste of the dessert, and even go as far as whispering stuff on his ear, stuff that made him itch to bend her over the table.

The first warning she received from him was a tap on her knees and a slide glance, then she shrugged and brushed it off. The second warning weren’t so kind, he had shoved her palms below her thighs and knead her thigh with his nails with a low drawl “Y/N..” She whimpered then and promised she won’t do it again, and he believed her, only because he knew they were getting suspicious.

Oh but the next time Y/N teased her boyfriend, was the last time she will ever sit nicely in awhile, Spencer saw red, tugging on her wrist as he bids farewell to their teammates, saying stuff like “We have an appointment tomorrow.” Not really caring on how they took it.

Y/N felt the insides of her belly swarmed with butterflies and intense warmth, as his bruising grip tighten around her wrist— making an indent on her skin. They stormed outside and went to their car while Spencer pushed her against it and wrap his hand around her throat, gripping ever so tightly— making sure his fingertips were on the very pulse.

“You’ve been testing me the whole day and night, you mindless little brat. I’ve had enough of your reckless behavior and attitude. If a punishment is what you want, then a punishment is what you’re going to get, but don’t fucking cry out when i make you writhe in pain.” He muses on her ear, whilst she nod desperately, trying to find enough oxygen, “P-please..” Her eyes watered as he pressed his knee right between her legs and then release her throat, watching her gasping for breath.

“Turn around.” He demanded, she instantly obliged not wanting to damage the situation anymore. Spencer pushed her against the car and one hand around her neck, the other slip his hand under her dress to squeeze her ass tightly, then leaned in to whisper “You look so pathetic you know that? we’re in a restaurant parking lot and yet you never told me to stop. Do you want me to punish you here? where everyone can see what a nasty mindless brats get when they act recklessly?”

All she can do is moan as she grind harder against his knee, whilst holding onto him with dear life. “Get in the back seat.” He ordered, taking a step back from her so she could get in and climb in after her.

“Over my lap.” He demanded, all Y/N could do now is to oblige everything he said, not more not less so she laid ass up over his lap and then brace herself as she felt the roughness of his palms against her ass— dress yanked up long ago.

“How many, princess?” He ask condescendingly, fingers gripping her hair tightly as she moaned out loud when his other hand graze against her covered cunt. “as many as you want, sir.” she choked out, which seemed to please him judging by how he hummed to the tone.

“We’ll do 20, with different intensity. What’s your safe word?” That warmed her heart, even if he’s mad, he never forgets how important communication, safety, and comfort is. “Lilac.”

“Good girl, shh i don’t wanna head anything coming out of that mouth unless its to count, safe word, or thank me. Understand?” It was a trick question, normally she would answered but then she remembered it’s not allowed so she looked back at him and nodded sweetly.

That seemed to both please him and make him the more eager, he delivered the first slap making her broken out a cry “O-One! Sir thank you!” He took a deep breath before slapping her covered ass once again earning more broken sobs and moans.

By the time they reached 15, her ass was so sore, yet the burn intensified everything, her soaked panty could agree. She was soaked through. “5 more, minx. Come on don’t be pathetic now.” His tone made her shivered, she sucked on his thumb preparing herself for the last five.

“Oh fuck! 20! thank you please no more...” Y/N cried out as she sob into the leather seat, her covered ass was burning, his handprint left her squirming on his grip as he soothe her, gently tugging her hair up, turn her around so her head is laid on his lap.

“Shh.. it’s over now, baby. You’re okay.” He rub her tummy as she evened out her breathing, eyes looking up at his, even through the darkness of the car he still looks dashing. “T-Thank you for teaching me a lesson.. i’m sorry i was a brat..” Her voice was barely above whisper which meant she was deep in her subspace, which made Spencer becomes more protective of her.

“It’s okay bunny. You did great, i’m not mad at you.” He whispered, his hands that were on her tummy trailed down slowly before slipping it inside her panties, he gently graze his fingertips on her labia, feeling it soaking with absolute need.

“Oh princess, look at you.. Soaked hm? you really love being taught a lesson didn’t you?” his fingers slowly rub circles on her clit, pressing on it with enough force that it made her shudder to no end, her moans were loud.

“Spencer.. please!”

“What do you want, baby?” Spencer chuckled, using his palm to rub her sensitive nub as his fingers brushes ever so slightly against her opening, smearing the sweet nectar all over her cunt.

“Fuck me, Dr.Reid..” She groaned, using the last bit of bratty-ness left in her, her hips bucking as he hold her neck with one hand and finger her cunt with the other.

“You never learn do you? you desperate needy little baby.” His mocking tone turned her on like nothing else, trails of ‘uh uh uh’s left her mouth and her hips keeps on grinding upwards, leaving Spencer no choice but to clamp his hand on her neck and muttered lowly, “You won’t get my cock tonight so don’t bother to ask. If you don’t behave, i won’t let you cum for weeks, i will edge you during those weeks, giving you ruined orgasms, and make your life a living hell. So if you still want that orgasm you crave, stop fucking squirming.” His words might as well make her orgasm, the way he commanded her, owned her— just the biggest turn on of her life.

When her eyes watered, he released her neck then continue to finger fuck her with force, so much force that she can’t help it but to scream. “Oh! S-Spencer! i’m going— may i cum sir?”

“Hold it.” He ordered sternly, his palm grazing against her clit, giving her the umpteenth intense pleasure of the night. She tried so hard not to cum, but the need still outweighs her desire to not disobey her boyfriend. “P-Please.. Cant.. cant oh god..”

“Now, cum now pet.. go on.” Her eyes snapped shut at his command making sure to moan out strings of ‘thank you sir! thank you’ when she came all over his fingers, practically soaking the expensive leather as well as her dress. He worked her through her high, before drawing his fingers out when she flinched due to sensitivity.

Y/N’s eyes opened slowly to find him smiling looking down at her which she returned. Spencer pressed his wet fingers on top of her lips, she greedily suck on it, making him groan. “Fuck love, do you know that you made me bust in my pants?”

You released his fingers, eyes widen “What? Really?”

“See it for yourself, you brat.” He scoffed, seeing her turned her head to looked at the mess on his crotch which made her sit up in excitement, and smiles. “But when?!”

“The moment you came, you look so gorgeous i cant help but to cum.” He whispered, his cheeks warm with a hint of flushness which made her giggle. “oh wow the effect i have on you...”

“Y/N i swear to god, i’ve had enough of your brattiness for one night.” Earning a laugh from her, he shakes his head, before cleaning them both with the tissues and sprayed the car with disinfectant which made Y/N laugh loudly,

“What a genius germphobe.” She teased, which made his head turned to her side and glared.

“Okay okay! i won’t tease...” She bit her tongue at the last part before muttering a seductive “Doctor...”

“That’s it! No cumming for a month.”

“No Spencer!”

“Nope.”

You really do love being a brat.

—————————

SORRY THIS SUCKED IM NOT FEELING WELL SHSKSK, anyways requests still open so send them away! thank you for supporting.

#insufferableblurb #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds smut #dom!spencer #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid smut #spencer x reader

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checkfortraps · 4 years ago

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I think a lot of people are overreacting about Travis, but it also seems like there are a lot of fans (myself included) who are disappointed in his behavior, not just this stream. He makes a lot of weird no homo tweets and has talked about parasocial relationships being bad while still forming them actively it feels like, and idk he’s been a fixture of internet culture for near a decade now, he should know that his actions have impacts far beyond himself. I dont think mental health is ever an excuse, and it’s weird to see how quickly people will be like “oh but he has NPD” when other people don’t get that same grace. this isnt the first time he’s said something uncomfortable then lashed out at fans for it, and it’s great he apologized this time, but idk maybe we put too much investment into random men online. like all legit criticism of him gets reduced to ppl claiming cyberbullying, and obvi i dont support the people who are doing that, but there are legitimate criticisms of the way he acts online and treats his fanbase, and maybe he does have NPD but anyone who’s been treated for a personality disorder can attest that our symptoms can directly harm people if we aren’t cognizant of that, it isnt ableist to say that

Oh yeah, trust me, I’m fully aware and agree that personality disorders, or any sort of mental illness, aren’t an excuse to act like an asshole. What I’m saying is that even if you go to therapy and work your ass off to not display symptoms, it might still happen occasionally, and being a Popular Internet Man doesn’t protect you from that. So yeah maybe it happened before, but honestly, that’s just how mental illness is - it pops up from time to time no matter how hard you try, and all you can really do is apologize and move on. I’m saying that as someone who has BPD - another very demonized personality disorder. And having ADHD on top of that, well, that can really mess you up re: impulsivity even if you try very hard not to let it. Also, for the record, I’m not even that into the McElroys - I only ever listened to TAZ Balance and nothing else - and certainly not ‘putting too much investment into random internet men’ or forming parasocial relationships with them. I’m just voicing my thoughts as someone who’s also dealing with a difficult personality disorder that impacts my filters and tends to make me act impulsively if I don’t keep a very tight leash on it. (And certain things can make you lose your grip on that leash, like family drama, pressure in your work life, or, like right now, a global pandemic; it’s not a personal failure or ‘not trying hard enough’ when it happens while you have severe outside stressors, or maybe trauma is resurfacing. You never know what other people privately deal with, after all.)

Just saying, someone being famous doesn’t mean they suddenly have a better grip on their mental illness. They’re only human too, after all, and to be human means to sometimes fuck up and yes, even hurt people on accident. The important thing is to own up to that and apologize, and Travis did that, so I don’t see what continuing to call him out is gonna do here. And saying ‘oh but this person did this in the past without apologizing, that means they’re inherently bad!’ is ... not great because people can change and learn and grow, and we shouldn’t decide if someone’s a Bad Person based on some stuff they did in the past. (Unless it’s like, pedophilia or being a nazi or something like that obviously.)

But yeah TL;DR: of course having a mental illness isn’t an excuse for problematic behaviour or absolves you from having to take responsibility for it, but I think we should practise some compassion when people slip up - even if it’s someone famous - as long as they apologize and try to do better. And yes, you can start trying to do better at any given time - it’s rarely too late for that. (And I do think Travis is aware of how questionable his behavior was, because he apologized. If you don’t think you did anything wrong, you’re usually not inclined to make amends for it.)

But that’s just my two cents. I really don’t interact with McElroy content or Travis specificially enough to have a comprehensive opinion of him. I’m just an advocate for being forgiving of people with difficult to handle mental illnesses like NPD, BPD, schizophrenia, etc. as long as they own up to it and try to do better. I’ve been on the receiving end of being demonized for my personality disorder before, and trust me, it sucks. (Though it of course is always valid to be disappointed when someone loses control and lashes out at you. This isn’t a black-and-white issue where only one half of the conflict can be right.)

#tricky replies

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scatterpatter · 5 years ago

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Some expanded thoughts on FF7R under the cut [SPOILERS]

So! Overall I freaking LOVED the remake and I can’t wait to see the rest! Midgar feels so alive and expanded, you really feel attached to everyone, it’s... muah! Honestly a lot of the points I’m gonna make are more nitpicks than anything. I won’t make any commentary on the gameplay because I watched a let’s play instead of playing by myself(im broke and cant afford a PS4 and $60 game >_>)

So the designs are GORGEOUS... no, the entire GAME is gorgeous. Midgar looks so good and detailed, there’s so much great implementation of color theory! Cloud is sooooo good looking!!! Barret and Aerith and Sephiroth are all GORGEOUS! Reno Rude Tseng and Rufus.. AAAA!!! The only slight complain I have is that- okay so Tifa looks AWESOME, but I honestly wish she wasn’t so skinny. Like she’s a melee fighter, but her waist and arms are so thin! I wish they gave her a bit more tone and muscle, but, oh well. I honestly can’t stop staring at the character models they look SO good

Plot-wise, I really like most of the changes/additions they made! Especially with Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie. They’re wonderful and I love them and did I mention that I love them because they’re just so dorky!!! And good!!!

Honestly, I like that Aerith is actually written to be likeable. I know that doesn’t seem like much but a lot of games fall into the trap of telling you that you’re supposed to like the female protag(looking at you, Breath of the Wild) or tell you that she’s a strong character, but they fail to show that, so the player feels like they’re just being told to get attached. Aerith, though, is actually really likeable in this game!!! She’s cute and down-to-earth, really dorky and even snarky, easily seeing past Cloud’s tough-guy act, and she can fight! It’s just so nice to see a game that shows a strong female protag instead of just telling you.

Legit everyone is horny for Cloud and I’m so here for it

Okay so like. I love Roche. I didn’t at first but he quickly grew on me. He’s so awfully chaotic and I just- I love him. I’m mad that he was just kinda forgotten, though. Like! He could’ve shown up at the ending chase!!!

THEY REALLY WROTE HOJO TO BE AS CREEPY AS POSSIBLE HUH. Like I’m not complaining because like he’s basically the reason why everything happened, but! Ahhhh he makes me squirm he’s a creep with a gross science fetish and I wanna stab himmmmm

Okay so. President Shinra is a little bit TOO stereotypically evil? Like having a gold statue of himself and not even caring about sabotaging one of his own reactors when one little console gets destroyed??? Like it’s almost comical how evil he’s written to be. Though, I do like the scene where he calls Barret out on his ideals, that was neat!

Nowww, Heidegger Scarlet Palmer and Reeve? MUAH. Heidegger and Scarlet are written so sadistically but like in such a likeable��way, especially Heidegger. God I hate them both but you just love to hate them!!! Palmer is HILARIOUS- I love how he’s written to be the spoiled kid whose parents forced the other kids to include him so he’s just there even though he doesn’t do anything. And Reeve? Well...

SO REEVE IS MY FAVORITE ATM SINCE WE DON’T HAVE VINCENT YET, AND REEVE IS JUST... <3 <3 <3 Okay so first off, his design is perfect. He doesn’t really stand out in the same way that Heidegger Scarlet and Palmer do. He just has a normal build, normal suit, normal hair slicked back- he just looks like a normal employee, totally inconspicuous... which is very fitting considering how he ends up being undercover and needs to look inconspicuous ;)

Though Reeve shows clear signs of overworking himself and being emotionally abused by his coworkers which... sucks. I mean it’s good writing but I feel so awful for him- Like you know it’s bad when someone just has to hold up a hand to get you to shut up and sit down. I like that he tries to do good things but steps down when he’s told to, that he’s empathetic but cowardly. It does a great job at setting up his character arc in future chapters <3

Okay so one thing- I thought the build-up for the plate dropping was amazing, but honestly... the plate itself falling was slightly underwhelming, to be completely honest. Like- I just didn’t feel the impact that a plate falling would have! Mainly because, you don’t see a single death which is interesting. Like you see people running from falling debris, but legit not a single death is implied. Honestly? I thought the scene would have been far more impactful if they showed:

Seventh Heaven actually being destroyed

The people topside reacting to the ground beneath them collapsing and them falling to their deaths(They only tried to evacuate Sector 7 slums! Not the topside!!!)

More people actually being implied to have been crushed(No, Im not counting Wedge). Like in the original FF7 there’s a scene where someone’s watching tv and you see the plate falling from outside the window- and there’s a reporter just doing his normal shit before he suddenly looks up and things go to static- like- thats an intense scene and I wish the remake did more stuff like that!

They do great showing people REACTING to the plate falling which is why its so appalling to me that they dont show much of the actual devastation DURING plate fall

I LOVE that Cait Sith shows up at the plate falling! It shows that Reeve actually tried to warn people(something he asked to do and was denied earlier), even if he was too late. The only problem I have is that new players who dont know who Cait Sith is will be horribly confused as to who and why he’s there???

Also, when the crew goes back to Sector 7, you don’t really... feel the impact right away. Keep in mind, an entire section of city just fell onto another section of city WITH the supports holding it up, there should have been way more rubble. Yet, the area where Seventh Heaven is just... looks like it was hit with a major earthquake. There should be way more rubble, like mountains of it. It’s weird since the opening cinematic really captures the scope of how huge Midgar is, but the plate falling just doesn’t really show the scope of how much devastation there was to losing an entire plate.

The scope of it is done a bit better when climbing up Sector 7, but I still feel like the weight and scope of destruction isn’t lived up to its full potential.

Okay so- Wedge and Biggs. ... Yeah, it takes away from the impact of their deaths to have them not die. I mean, I can’t make a total opinion on this just yet, because the other parts haven’t come out yet, but... if FF7R is gonna keep them alive, they better have a good reason for it tbh.

They might have done a little bit too much foreshadowing with Cloud and Aerith? Like I like Cloud having memory issues, it’s kept pretty vague... but him going “Mother?” with Jenova is a little bit too spoiler-y. Like yeah you gotta tease his whole thing but like- don’t give it away this soon!!!

I also don’t mind Seph showing up as much as he does. Like, in the original, you don’t even hear about him until close to the end of the Midgar arc. Obvi since the remake ONLY covers the Midgar arc so far, I totally understand bringing him in sooner. Again, having the clones existing might be a little too spoilery for the big twists later on, but I can let it slide since it’s still treated as very “wtf” and I’m sure anyone new to the story hasn’t put it together yet.

Did I mention how much I love Seph he’s so creepy and his eyes are gorgeous and he’s so intimidating by just being there

And the Whispers... I honestly didn’t like them. I kept forgetting that they existed honestly. They just feel so... detached from the plot. I don’t mind adding new content/story, but the Whispers just... didn’t feel well-implemented. They also felt really campy towards the end. Like, the fact that they could un-stab Barret and shield Avalanche from car accidents while they were escaping? They were legit like “no you can’t die even if you tried because fate” and takes away any tension of the scene because... well, they know they cant die.

That being said, the ending was interesting. I uh. It was interesting! So they actually defeat fate itself in order to change... who knows what. The future, maybe even the past??? I’ve got many thoughts on this

If the future is changed, that can be exciting since people who know the original’s plot won’t know what’s gonna happen next so like- okay!

If the past was changed... y’all know I’m talking about Zack. Was fate changed so that he could live? Keep in mind, we see Whispers surrounding Midgar before they dissipate and Zack’s like “ohey did I get all of em?”, implying that fate would have forbade Zack from ever getting to Midgar. Having the team defeat fate means... Zack may have now reached Midgar.

Is alternate reality/timeline stuff going to happen now???

Cloud’s character revolves around Zack dying. What’ll happen to Cloud now???

I feel so bad for people new to the plot who don’t know who Zack is.

Nomura... you madman.

So with the ending... Nomura and Squenix is setting something up. They’re going for something huge. I uh. I fear, honestly! Because this could very likely get WAY too ambitious and WAY too confusing(Think Dream Drop Distance’s bullshit plot), and could totally fall on its face and end up being Squenix’s biggest flop of all time. But... if this succeeds and they actually pull off whatever they’re trying to pull... holy shit. I would be floored.

I honestly am a bit afraid that the plot will be too confusing for new players. Like- no one would know whats going on with Zack unless they knew the original plot, so like while this would be a great game for FF7 fans, I’m really worried that it won’t be a good game for people new to the series.

Cloud in a dress is the greatest thing and I’m so happy they kept that scene I love him so much the entire scene is so queer <3

But overall, despite some nitpicks, it was a SUPER SOLID game and I’m soooo hype to see where they go with it! I wanna see Cait and Yuffie and Cid and Vincent!!!!!!!!!

#ff7r #I RAMBLE A LOT #ff7r spoilers

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lomleyo · 7 years ago

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look yall, if there’s one thing ive learned from getting a small-town art education and growing up in the age of the internet that i have, it’s that art can be whatever the fuck you want it to be.

my art history prof from college always played devil’s advocate when it came to art, and learning from him has changed my perspective on the art world entirely. he had us do a project once where we would pick any piece of art in existence, whether it be a movie, or a masterwork, or a song, or whatever, and we had to convince him why it was the worst piece ever created. and no matter what was said, there was always something positive to be said about it as well. (y’know, given that the piece wasn’t inherently offensive or harmful in any way bc obvi that’s shitty) before i took his classes, i hated modern art. i never understood it. and if you had shown me Duchamp’s Fountain 4 or 5 years ago, I probably would have talked with you endlessly about how lame and horrible it was as a piece of art. (which is entirely closed-minded, just in my onion) (also, off topic, but there were art movements during the wave of modern art that were very problematic and that’s always important to educate yourself on if you’re gonna become an artist as well!! always keep that in mind!! my art history prof was also very adamant on educating us abt those!!)

my painting and drawing profs have also always been like this as well. of course, they’d teach us the fundamentals and the necessary skills to improve, but in my experience, they were never pushy or mean about it in any way. drawing in styles you like was always considered a good thing, as long as you were willing to branch out of that when it came to anatomy studies or still lifes. we would always do group critiques where everyone was forced to hang up the work in front of the class and talk about it, while the students gave feedback and NO MATTER WHAT the feedback was ALWAYS positive, or at least given in a positive way. we were taught to find the good in the art of people who weren’t conventionally "talented” or whatever. we were taught to be encouraging and kind, rather than cynical and rude. like, obvi we were also taught to pick out the flaws as well so that we could tell that particular person about what could improve their craft, (and that’s so important!!) but it’s also important to find the good in ANY PIECE your fellow artists show to you!!

learning the fundamentals is important. learning color theory, studying masterworks, anatomy, composition, lighting and all that big bad stuff is important if you want to improve your craft and become a professional. but outside of it??? outside of your hours of studying and your strategic planning and perfecting of a color palette or composition, do what the fuck you want.

if you have fun making “bad” ms paint drawings of sparkle dogs with bright neon colors pulled out of the generic ms paint palette from 2005, then do it. if that’s what makes you happy, have a blast. if you love painting things in “ugly” primary colors and having stuff sit off the page in an improper way then do it. follow your own aesthetic, have fun doing it. give humans weird anatomy, draw one eye bigger than the other, draw the sun at the corner of your page, make things imperfect. life is fuckin short, m’dudes, draw what you love and draw for yourself and always remember that no matter what there will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be people out there who will love what you do.

Ever since i went to college, children have been my biggest art inspiration. children have yet to gain an understanding of the big, scary art world that awaits them, and yet somehow, they can create incredibly creative and colorful works that are so fascinating and wonderful in their own way. their pieces are so full of imagination and love because they allow themselves to let go and have fun without the pressures of the world weighing down on them yet. children dont care about getting the leg or the arm right when they’re doodling for fun. they make weird looking faces and ugly dogs and cute cats and give a person a green nose and have a fuckin ball doing it like ! ! ! ! that’s so inspiring to me!! ! !! i think we could all learn a thing or two from that ! !

so like, of course try to improve, dudes. try to learn what you need to improve. find sources online to help you get better at anatomy. draw from life. study compositions and look at the art of professionals to gain that understanding you need. but don’t pressure yourself too much! ! ! don’t worry about what other people want to see unless it’s a fuckin’ commissioner or client! ! when you’re drawin in your down time, do it for YOU! do it shamelessly !! learn to look beyond what is conventionally “good” of artists. learn to appreciate artists who work effortlessly and loosely like sally cruikshank or jonni phillips! !

you’ll find that it makes the process all the more fun, and maybe it’ll bring back that childlike wonder from the beginning of your art journey too!!!

i love you! ! ! go make art ! ! !

#long post #txt #artists on tumblr #art advice #cartoons #anatomy #animation #personal #i hope you enjoy reading i worked rly hard on it

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super-lemon-sama · 6 years ago

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I had another super realistic dream-

Just like the dream wife dream, it felt like that was my real life, like I was actually there.

Sadly this is one of the dreams I don’t remember as well as other but what basically happened was two things. I made friends with this dude and his friends and found out I had a crazy stalker.

the dream will be under the cut and also I made some pictures for it too! ^^

So I was living in this apartment that was basically just one room and a closet ((I mean but I liked it so what'evs i guess. also it was literally just the computer room we had in Oklahoma that I felt was very nice some days and very scary other days.))

there are a couple bits I remember better than others, one that I somehow befriended this guy (who I very specifically thinking in my head in the dream as I was looking at him that His hair was Neapolitan colored and it made me laugh, and so I called him Neapolitan and Neo' from then on.) I don’t remember how we met or what we were talking about before it happened (maybe I was at a party???) but I remember we hadn’t known each other that long but I asked him to walk me home bc I had been getting a creepy feeling all day and he was like "hmmm aight'"

and I held out my hand and he was like

"????what???"

so I dead ass super serious was like

"You gotta hold my hand, it's a sign of trust in my culture, and is good luck."

lmaooo I mean in my dream the culture thing was true but I also remember thinking that it would help me tell if he decided to pull out a knife for some reason. ((Like this dude wasn’t even a badie, I was just super suspish of everyone that day))

Anyway we're walking outside in a park or somin and we approach this building. you know how at beaches or public pools they have a building that are like a bathroom for girls and guys but separated by side?

Like this

Well dudes like

"hey, I need to pee, you okay if we stop for a sec?"

and I was like

"hhhhhhhhhdshghjgs yeahiguess."

obviously only more scared since we left. and he's like

"look if you're really so worried then just come into the bathroom with me and stand outside the stall, that way I’m right there if something happens and you can look out for trouble for me."

and so obvi I’m like

"//gasp// I can’t go in THERE! That’s the boys room!"

so neos like

"It's like 12 at night, Literally no one's around to care, you'll be fine. You know unless we aren’t actually alone muahaha"

and I’m like

"shuuut your shit up, I’m big scared okay... fine, just hurry up"

and we walk in

And I’m just realizing now that even though it was the boys room that is literally was just a girls bathroom with just stall and no urinals lmaooo

it looked a lot like this

i remember it very specifically being really dimly lit and the colors were very blue grey, and dark green

i also remember looking down to see if anyone was in one of the stalls but we were in the clear

Anyway as he peed i was getting really nervous and had a daydream thing like I used to get sometimes in Oklahoma where I very vividly imagined something happening. it was of this figure phasing through the wall and running at me really fast

the figure looked like this at first

Its head was covered in this thick tough flesh that made me thing of those rubber masks they make for Halloween, but really thick, once it reached me its face changed into a mans face, but I don’t remember what it looked like, just that he was smiling

I got really scared when I snapped out of it and started hearing a really loud breathing coming from the the stall closest to the exit

as well as this low humming tone that kept getting louder and closer. I saw the latch to the stall start sliding so I screamed to Neapolitan that we need to run right now

and neo busts through the stall I was guarding and grabs my hand and we zoom tf out of that place all the way back to my apartment. like I dead ass was so exhausted that I was actually panting and trying to catch my breath in my dream. like never in my life have I felt like that while in a dream, it was wild.

he was like

"whoa, that was scare as fuck, what the shit???? Do you like,,,,, want me to stay over tonight and make sure nothing happens?"

and I'm like

"KJDFLKADGFALKGFALKDHJ YESPLEASE"

like sobbing but also dying from running so literally nothing I said was anything close to comprehensible, but he got what I meant.

I only got the pullout couch and offered him to sleep on top while I sleep under it ((it's what I do okay, that's not even my weird ass dream logic thats my real ass what I do irl logic))

and he was like,

"nah that's okay you got a pretty comfy chair, i'll just chill in this and keep watch okay?"

and I like got choked up again bc I was literally so thankful. like even rn even though it was a dream I still feel really thankful???? i just normally never speak to people in my dreams really so it's like more important to me?? Idk

but I remember waking up (in my dream) and seeing him like passed out in the chair arms crossed and it was super funny, but I wake him up and I'm like

"hey thanks for being so cool man, let me buy you breakfast."

and he's like

"Oh man, that sounds great, thanks!"

I vaguely remember that we ate from my apartments like bed and breakfast buffet thing but I don’t remember it that well, but I do remember that some stuff happened after that that had to do with hallways and that going back to my apartment the land lord was standing in front of my door and he was like,

"hey uhhh, I got some bad news for you..."

and I'm like

"uhhhhhhhhh whaaaaat???"

so I remember the landlord sitting in my chair and telling me about how someone broke into my apartment but I wasnt really listening bc there was a storage box on the floor and hanging off of it were a couple of necklaces. ((necklaces I have in real life btw)) but one very specifically that I wore like every day in middle school and the beginning of high school that I had lost not to long after moving into the apartment ((this was true irl and the dream))

the necklace was a thin gold chain with a bunch of miss matched charms on it

I was fixated on it because literally how could it be here right now and why does it look different????

i pick it up and it has a bunch of copper pennies attached to it

it was SCARY vivid, like I was strapped into this dream like it was real life and even my dream self was looking at it like it was crazy real

I remember how the pennies were copper and pretty clean and how they weren’t just added to the ends but mixed into the other charms so whoever did this took the time to take off all the charms and place them back on a certain way with the pennies, I remember the weight of it in my hands when I picked it up and the specific weight at the bottom of the chain from all the pennies and charms

oh man I remember the chinkling sound it made and when i picked it up and I got that panic attack hot cold and nauseous feeling all over. Because I specifically wore that necklace because of the sound it made when I wore it. I liked the clinking sound it made, and who ever took it KNEW THAT

Sometime later im chillin with the dude and his friends, ((it's two other girls)) and I dont remember exactly what we were talking about but this one girl with pokey straight black hair says

"Oh for sure!"

confirming that she agreed with some sort of sentiment. she was just a bold person. not loud and obnoxious and not mean. she just had a up front opinion is all, and I thought she was really cool.

oh and we're all chilling on this deck thing but it's like indoors

we got a bunch of books and magazines and stuff

and neo is layin across me, like not in a funky way, but in a chill friend way and everything is chill and he moves closer to my face as he's asking me something and im in the middle of answering him when I get really tense bc I suddenly realize he's really close to my face and that I could totally smooch him if I wanted to. which like I did but I don’t deal with that kinda stuff well so I probably would have just laid there awkwardly not saying anything while I screamed internally until he's like "uhm you okay?" but my alarm woke me up so I'll never know what dream me would have done. Lmaooooo

any stressor like that dead ass makes my head go "brain function .exe has stopped working, please close out and try again later" so maybe that lmaooo

anyway, that was pretty much all I remembered, but just like the dream wife dream it was CRAZY real.

I hope that wasnt to boring to read or to hard to understand! ^^;

#my art #dream #neapolitan dream #scary dream #nightmare #long post

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outdamnedguilt · 4 years ago

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vent

———-

I love you. I love you and ive never loved anyone like this. Next month we’ll have been dating for a YEAR. That’s really weird to think about. It hasn’t always been easy but at the same time it hasn’t felt. Difficult. It’s nice and a milestone, but not an “oh god we made it.” I dont want to take it back. I love him. I love him in ways I didn’t know existed. I love him in ways that made me ache in all the right places.

And that’s where it gets tricky, yeah? Because he does this thing where we promised to change and promises to work on stuff and it’s a month, two tops, and then. It’s back. And this is his last chance. He knows if he fucks this up it’s going to be a “one that got away” thing. And so will I, but I’m going to mourn for the person I could have had. I love this one but I can’t do this forever. How fucked is that? How casually cruel. It’s the eating and health thing where he got a nutritionist and lost 15 pounds and talked big game about wanting to lose like, 50 pounds except now he’s using his diet as a justification to eat shit and slack off instead of using this as a justification to change. Do you really want to change? Why don’t you work out? Why don’t you try? I don’t understand. Like you don’t understand why people are stupid, I don’t know why people won’t try. Congrats! You had all the tools and never used them! You yell at me for not using skills or calling Kati but what about you? Do you listen to your therapist? Do you lie to her too?

You don’t know you’re lying, do you? You lie to yourself enough that you believe it. You hear what you want to hear. You make it the truth. It’s killing me, you know? Did you know that? Did you know you give me panic attacks and I call it caring? You told me today when you were drunk that the only thing you really cared about was power and you’d sacrifice your morals and everything for it because nothing mattered to you and the faster you realized that nothing mattered in life the faster you’d be able to get places.

You made me want a fucking family, asshole.

You made me actually want to care about people and you made me open up and you made me think that maybe life had purpose and that the best part of it was the part you realize with other people. That you matter, and people matter, and the morals and values and activities you build your foundation on are what you base your happiness on. He bases his happiness on me. And here’s the part where I can hold him but I can’t fix anything and I don’t know how and I’m not even mad I’m just upset and I’m scared that I’ll lose you and that you never turn into the kind of person that stands for something. If you don’t stand for anything, what will you fall for? Boyfriends made out of cardboard and tape. Blow away in the wind.

And the part I tried to say something about was that I’m scared. But I wasn’t going to bring up us, because bad mental state rough night etc etc etc. I was scared because I’ve been manic for three days and I stopped feeling hunger and idk I’d I’ve eaten over 2000 calories over the last 3 days combined but I have so much energy and I hyper focus on work. I’m amazing. I’m a robot. I’m obvi cable. I’m not sleeping. Like, 5, 4, 5, 3, 3 hours. That’s deadly. And so much caffeine. And so many ibuprofens and lithium and meds. I’m wrecking my body in a desperate attempt to be good enough to keep it together. That’s why I was scared. Because I was sitting in the bathroom and shaking uncontrollably and can’t focus my eyes on anything to me and I was SCARED. And I was trying to tell you that I can’t stop thinking about tearing my thighs apart and I can’t think of a single good reason not to hurt myself other than “everyone will be upset at me” because I want to feel something human and I want to prove I’m still a human with blood and not circuit wiring because I don’t feel human. That’s what I wanted to say josh, because I went to go stuff all those feelings down and walk in and pretend I was so okay but then we tried to talk and I KNOW I have bad timing and my bipolar flares up at the perfect wrong time so the conversation didn’t happen and I let you sidetrack it and then you had a panic attack and I held you and everything was okay.

You kept repeating that you needed to stuff it down. That it wasn’t you. The bad stuff. And I know it isn’t you because I know you. But I can’t tell you that you have to unpack your god complex and you can’t hide everything you don’t like because it scares you. You know every one of my fucking skeletons and you’re watching open all the locked doors that you’re slamming closed on yourself. Do you see? I did the same thing. I know how it feels to have feelings that aren’t you and you don’t want so you try and step on them. I’m having them right now! Look babe! A party trick! I can kill myself at the drop of a hat! Isn’t that funny? That I tried to tell you.

And now it’s 3:30 am and I’m bawling my eyes out in the corner of your bed because I want to not exist and I want to disappear and I want to go in your fucking bathroom and tear a razor apart so I feel something and so all my temper tantrums and moods and sadness and burden gets paid for. You’re too patient. I have to burn something down, but you’ve already got yourself covered. You’re doing everything so right and being so supportive (like, with hiccups sometimes but on balance great) and I feel like all I ever am at you is irritated unless it’s me staring at you across the passenger seat when you take me out to dinner and play pop punk and we sing together at the top of our lungs. And then we get to the restaurant and you have no money because you don’t have a job and keep making excuses for why. Fucking dammit I wanted this to work. FUCK. FUXK. I want to scream. I’m already sobbing. I love you I love you I love you.

It isn’t enough

#vent #oct #I talk

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bonnissance · 8 years ago

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me @ cam: maybe use ur words and tell ur mother you don’t want to do things?! instead of letting her pull you along w things you don’t want to do bc she doesn’t know you don’t want them?

Edit: below the cut!rant thinky thoughts bc I’m real worried about what the writers think is the point of Cam as a character

So Can doesn’t make any sense as a real person in-universe.

His emotional maturity is w e i r d it doesn't follow Bernie's pattern and it doesn't follow Marcus's either. He got this weird “I dont want what my parents want for me,” even tho either of his parents actively forced him into medicine?

Like, having both ur parents in the same field and feeling as if you should do that is one thing, but you’re only going to feel like you should do that thing if you don’t know what else you want to do enough to stand on your on feet and say: I want this other thing. in which case, the actual issue is the not knowing what you want in life, and not external influences i.e. parents wanting you do do something more than the you wanting something else.

so Cam chose to go into medicine, of his own volition, and then dropped out for the same reason.

and obvi Bernie is excited to see him go back to medicine in Indefensible bc he'd been rolling after flunking out and not really doing anything nor having anything else he wanted to do. but she didn’t force him back into it, he chose to come back bc of Morven etc. Then he came to Holby and then left for the same reasons: they were all his choice.

Just like him agreeing to observe must have been his own choice. And I can see how that agreement to come observe might be just about the fact that the surgery sounds interesting regardless of what medicine he wants to specialise in, but he could just as easily have said “no thanks i’m happy in London” if he really didn’t want to come back to Holby or spend time w his mother.

But he chose to come back for a bit of his own volition bc there's no way Bernie could have exerted enough pressure on Cam while he was living and working on London to make him feel pressured to be involved in trauma. She’s been distracted af by huge things happening in her life recently and there's no logical way she could have been involved enough in Cam's life to make his decision about her. That kind of pressure w the filial history they have would be enormous and it’s not something Bernie is capably of doing unconsciously.

we know she's not an inherently overbearing parent - of course she has expectations and wants and she’s def been more involved w Cam and his life since the car accident and then again after Elinor died, but more likely than not that’s just text messages and the odd phone call), but that’s and nothing that could possibly make Cam feel like his life decisions are all about her bc Cam has had plenty of time apart from Bernie to develop into his own human away from maternal expectations.

and if she had intentionally tried to apply that kind of pressure (wildly out of character as it is) there’s no way she’d have had that time or the energy to make that happen anyway. like, she can’t even got on top of her paperwork ffs. so it simply isn’t possible for Bernie to have pressured Cam enough to make him feel his life choices about her.

So unless the writers are deliberately trying to create a character with no inherent sense of self and is thus incapably of know what he wants in the first place (which i don’t think they were), neither his relationship w Bernie or his emotional palette makes any sense what so ever.

And it unsettles me, bc I think what writers are trying to implying that Cam has some extremely serious emotional issue re his mother, but nothing serious enough for him/them to actually address in canon.

Bc when Cam came to work at Holby he makes out like Bernie refuses to talk to him of her own volition (i.e. “this is not an appropriate work place conversation” “well you’ll just have to have a proper conversation w them then”) despite the fact that we know Bernie wants her children in her life and def kept in contact w Cam after the car accident (bc you don’t not keep in contact w ur kid when they’re been in a car accident like wot?).

and like, Bernie’s surprise at Cam being at Holby could only have been bc Cam never told her he was coming back to medicine/the ward. he must have made the decision not to mention it to her, bc sending a “oh btw mum, i’m coming to work w you” text would be the natural thing to do in that situation. But he didn’t do that. Add that to all the digs at Bernie about never using her words to validate him re the compliments etc

And when he left w/out saying anything is was if he was skulking away, and I think it was supposed to be both an act of care i.e. not wanting to worry her more than what she always was re Serena, as well as an unconscious but deliberate act actually wanting to hurt Bernie (like a revenge act of leaving when she needs support akin to how it felt to Cam when Bernie went off to serve during his teens, for instance).

And now they’re framing that him being back at holby is Bernie's fault, as if he - as an adult human - has no say about how his life turns out. Which is simply Not True? it cannot be true, bc anything that would compromise his emotional development to the that degree cannot have existed in his childhood and align w the canon we have for Bernie and Bernie/Marcus.

Absent parenting only messes someone up so much but Cam appears to be displaying extremely deep seated issues that outflank which is logically conceivable given the canon info we know atm but the writers aren’t engaging w any of this, at all. And it’s got me real unsettled I don’t know why they’d include this content and not address it unless they’re legit not aware it’s in his character. In which case, Cam is legit a just prop they bring in to traumatise Bernie when they feel she needs a good kicking when she’s down, rather than a legit character in his own right, and that’s got me fucking unsettled.

#cw: mentions of possible childhood abuse #cw: discussions of deep seated emotional issues #but i'm pretty sure everything discussed is just the result of lazy writing and nothing more serious #bc there is one possible explanation for all of this and i deadset Refuse to even entertain the idea and if canon is doing all this delibera #tly in order to get to that possible explanation I want no part of it in any way shape of form i simply refuse #I am v unsettled and I wish I hadn't started this train of thought I don't like where it ended up so I'm gonna finish the ep now and laugh #at the giggles bc that's what Cam is supposed to be for he's a light happy character for giggles and comedy not serious shit #holby city #holby city spoilers #i suppose #Elinor mentioned for ts

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bigbrotherorre · 7 years ago

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episode one: “TODAY WE LEARNED UNLESS BRYCE FEELS LIKE THE PRETTIEST GIRL AT THE DANCE EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY, YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH” - AUTUMN hoh: BRYCE evicted: ROXY - 13 to 3

Okay WOOOO. So hey, I'm here doing a DR pre-season, because? I am cracked, a mess and SOOO EXCITED. Also, I looked up fun words, to find something to use as my confessional codeword, and "brouhaha" means "a noisy and overexcited reaction or response to something" WHICH IS SO APPROPRIATE. So woo, enjoy the brouhaha that is my excitement for this season. I just wanna say a couple of things: 1) Nicholas and Julia posting those clock gifs is gonna make my head fall off, thats so scary. If it means past season twists like someone said in the VL, I'm NERVY. RoseGold POVs are my biggest fear, and I know there was a season where prejury was all about them so YIKES. Calling it now, I'm gonna get sent home by a rosegold PoV. 2) Emily and Lukas was such an iconic F2, no matter whomst the F2 is in Orre, we will never match them 3) I wanna make some pre-season picks of who I expect to see cast, that way if they win, I can take total credit. I'm feeling like Raffy, Sammy and Aren might be in the cast, based on literally nothing khajsdfla. Raffy as a player terrifies me (I was also the person who brought him into this community so whew), but he gets CRACKED so whew! Aren is a scorpio so we stan. ANYWHO. I'm so excited for this season, its gonna be a HOOOOOT.

Wooh so ready for the season to start!!!

Hola, did you miss me? This is going to be me reflecting back on my Johto experience and trying to point out the mistakes I made, and how this game will be different. (this is before cast reveal) The first mistake I did in Johto was go against the premade. I was wary of Connor and Ari, and I thought painting the target on the returnee wouldnt only be easy but would be successful. And then I found out that I couldn't, and then Connor made friends with everybody on my team and fucked me over in the long run. The second mistake I did in Johto was being messy. A prime example was making pseudo "alliance" chats in order to sway the vote for people to keep me. This proved to be unsuccessful. I also had a mental breakdown like every night, so that just buried me more. The third mistake I did in Johto was throw the veto the week I was nominated. I felt like I couldve won it but I decided to study for my test. I didnt compete in the pov that i shouldve won. SO now its time to do what I need to do for my redemption is quite simple. The last 3 ORGs ive played for BB i have made 2nd, 4th, and 3rd. And I learned quite a lot To negate my first mistake I'm not going to publicly target anbody. I will join the mob mentality to ensure my safety in early weeks. To negate my second mistake I am going to keep all my alliances as 1on1s. No alliances bigger than 3 people, and make sure to keep whatever information I have to myself. I will not snake out any information. To negate my third mistake is to try in all competitions. I will not throw anything I will not submit for anything unless I really cant. If I give it my all and still leave I can't beat myself up that bad. I'm nervous, but I'm ready. These freaks aren't gonna know what hit them.

Okay one hour to premiere! The fact that I've made two DRs pre-season? thats wild. I am gonna give a go at predicting the cast, based on... borderline nothing, beyond paranoia: Veronica Constance Raffy Autumn Olivia Eddie Elmo Hals Sammy Aren Those are guesses I'm confident in, so I'm gonna stick to that! Lets see if I get anyone right ajlkdsfas

Okay this isn't as bad as i thought except i'm a hot ass mess and messaged a picture into the house chat and i'm about to DIE

wut in the FUCK is happening who the hell are these people theyre mental all of them. nice to see sammy and ali though i fucking love them but i am terrified of playing with ali i literally said to my host chat 3 hrs before the game started "please say its all newbies so im not playing with zeezo" AND SHES HERE WTF

omg this FREAKING CAST IS WILD and i'm not gonna lie i'm a little worried that i might fight over half of them before the second week is finished...

not gonna lie seeing ashvika and roxy made me wanna kill myself but also i'm totally dying at the sight of ZEEZO AND BRYCE <3 also THIS COMP FREAKING SUCKS i need to find a group of friends asap so i don't flop. i'm gonna try to bring together bryce, zeezo, sammy, kat, and maybe ricky.... either gonna be lit or bite me in the ass

Hi!!! Y'all casted way too many people but it's ok cause I really like everyone so far whew. Also I really will do my intro video I swear... first thing tomorrow lmao

THIS SHIT IS OVERWHELMING AF! SOOOO MANY FREAKIN PPL IM TALKIN TOO! I LIKE MOST OF THEM but som im like k. then like the call i do not want to join bc shit they cracked af! hopefully its not my undoing but i feel like my social is pretty strong atm. #BBgameEVER

i'm just happy that ashvika is willing to put our unnecessarily tragic rivalry behind us and play this game right this time around. hopefully we'll be able to keep up the "we hate each other" look in the house chat and such so we can actually WORK TOGETHER this time. obvi i love her, and i just want the backstabbing madness to stop. hopefully she really has put out past behind her bc i'm ready to move on. like we're both pretty, we need to stick together. also shook that i talked to blake the longest today in pms???? like???? okay??? bryce and i look like we're in this for the long haul, hopefully we aren't first and second boot!! bc i have a weird feeling imma be pre-jury for some reason dsgdf

Night 1 Thots: Short term goal? to be as pathetic as possible. Probaly shouldn't have told alivia so soon that I was johnchen from bbtc world as after watching her intro vid. the could come back to bite me. Ryan seems like someone who I can ride on his coat tails for a while to get my foot in this game. So short term I need to be as pathetic as possible and hope this julia/bryce/sammy thing from house of shade starts to erupt.

me at alivia

Really regretting making my code word tractor.. Not a fan. But um me and alivia talked for like 4 hours and we're both legends. We have a cute google sheet bet ur all jealous. Her and ashvika are gonna pretend that they hate each other but they dont actually!! How fun. Hope i dont slip and blow their covers JKDFHKSJD. Everyone seems to know everyone which is scary. When i first saw Jela and Julia were cast I was scared that theyd target me b/c we had a rough introduction, but honestly theyre legends. Idk why i told jela i was missing a left toe.. but i did and now idk what to do about that whole thing. Maybe ill say i got drunk and dont remember saying that but it isnt true.. IDK WHAT TO DO. But um yaa happy to see zeezo here too but scared ppl will think we're a duo but honestly I dont think ppl will. Um I should do a cast first impression thing wooh! Ricky: Played my first tumblr game with him but dont really know him. Seemed nice but not much there Randy: seems like a legend. Poc king. Um talked to him and he wanted to know more about me but wouldnt talk about himself so!! Idk hope we talk more seems fun. Julia: Um called me out. Called me fat. Fun tho!! Seems untrustworthy but no bad blood. Roxy: Talked a bit, um shes fun?? Dont think she likes me Ashvika: how can one girl be so pretty??? Shes smart too. Like i want to hate how perfect she is. The type of girl to throw my game away for tho so I need to make sure I dont!! Alivia: how can one girl be so pretty??? Shes smart too. Like i want to hate how perfect she is. The type of girl to throw my game away for tho so I need to make sure I dont!! Honestly want to go to the end with her tho so I just am gonna have to make sure I outplay her so we can be f2. Bryce: ugly cast pic. Is he even a poc??? Zeezo: THE LOML I LOVE HER SO MUCH. we both seem to be working together so im happy. Hope to work with her and have her carry me in comps. She will beat lachies record. #menareover Kat: wish she was jade ;(. JK!! Love her so much already. She is so nice and fun and like just seems like a great person. Honestly shes gonna mist me too. Jose: Epicmafia king. We never work together and always betray each other so... first chance for everything??? He seems fun tho love him hope he slays (less than me tho) Sammy: I literally love him hes so nice but i never pm him so thats awk KDSJFHDKSj hope that this game changes that!! Lynn: Legend. Loves hufflepuff, hates middle school. Like I think we click but i know her and blake are like super close so idk if shed ever be closer with me but i hope so b/c shes just like.. amazing!! Saxon: Talks a lot. About himself. Maybe itll change when i talk to him more. Likes super hero movies so wooh i guess. Jela: Thought she hated me but maybe now she doesnt. Shes really funny actually so hopefully we can be allies. Blake: know that hes super smart and good at the game but like he got rekt by queen tara so maybe ill do that to him. We talked but it was bland but guess ill push through it Dennis: So his name is annoying to spell so had to change that quick. Kind of hate him??? But hes fun!!! Didnt know carly rae jepsen made music still so like the stan in me wanted to hang up the call on him. BUT then he msged me asking for carly songs to listen to so like.. love him now. Cant believe he knew all the social game hed need with me was just pretending to like my queen Autumn: We talked about her past games and it was basically me fangirlling about her ENDING eddie LOL. think we can work together because we both like intersectional feminism John: Tried talking to him but didnt go anywhere. But im gonna make it work!! Ive decided we'll be close so wooh Olivia: took 2 hours to respond to me. like musicals tho. kept ignoring me tho. Alivia outsold. Ali: PURE KING. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. NO ONE IS BETTER. I COULD NEVER TURN AGAINST HIM. SO IM GONNA NEED OTHERS TO DO IT FOR ME. Love his dog even tho i misgendered her but it wont happen again. Think we'll be close. reptiles stick together!!

WHEWIE. Okay I tried filming a video confessional, but my thoughts are such a mess, so I've decided writing it out will be considerably more coherent. YIKES SO. This season is already so wild, like this cast.... is gonna be a lot. I already can tell this season is going to have lots of fights and I don't know... how ready I am for that eeeek. But otherwise, my illiteracy means I don't understand the lottery twist so I love that. The returnee twist is fun though, like I feel like at the start of games, I go into panic mode, so having returnees I can go to about that, might make them feel like I'm an easy number and that they want to work with me? The people I knew before this season (like I'd actually spoken to): Bryce, Julia, Ashvika, Autumn & Olivia (I loosely knew Ricky, Blake & Sammy too) Within the game itself, the people I've had the best conversations with are Jose, Kat, Olivia, Ashvika & John. Olivia is like one of my favourite people in the community, and also a super good player so I'd love to work with her. I also think the fact that we are friends is something nobody in the cast should know (I think) so thats fun. Jose was such a big threat/player last season, and the vibe I get from him this time is he wants to tone that down? I'm not good at working with super cracked people, so him being slightly in the middle between UTR and cracked, will make him a super good person to work with I think. He is also the only person I've like...talked game with, even though its super limited, just that I wanna work with him. I'm a weirdo and watched all the Alola cast assessment stuff, and it sounds like Kat was playing really well, but got stuck in a funky position and couldn't recover, so I think she is gonna be a major threat this time and I'd love to work with her too woooo. Ashvika is a queen. Just plain and simple. She is so wholesome and nice, and already seems loosely on the same page as me, so thats iconic. John scares me ajkhsdfaslf. i think he is a total newbie, and I also think he is gonna get super cracked, and thats.... scary asdkjflas Dennis I just started talking to properly, he is in my timezone-ish, so that will be good for my sleeping pattern if he ever wins HoH or anything, but I worry he may struggle to make connections, so I'm not sure how much he can help me as an ally? The others I'm gonna try and do more rapid fire, since this confessional is already massive hjkasdflsaf: Alivia: Really really nice! We haven't spoken all that much, but she seems super friendly and she was really loyal in Unova, which makes me feel good about maybe working with her? Also Ali in the name? we love legends Ricky: Ricky is.... an interesting one ljaksdfla. He is a fun personality to have around, so I hope he sticks around. I'm not sure how invested he will be in any of these games, but I hope he gives it a good go woo Randy: Randy is gonna be such a threat already I can tell sahkjfdla Also he lowkey scares me, because whenever I would start pm'ing people on call yesterday, he would run to my pms asking why I wasnt pm'ing him which freaked me out sjkadflas. He seems fun though, and Dom stans him so we stan Julia (The Witch): An icon. A legend. An inspiration. Also terrifying skjahdfla. She mentioned all stars on call yesterday and my heart stopped, because I hated how I was in that game and dont want it talked about. I think she is gonna fight people and I don't especially want to get on her bad side! Roxy: Havent spoken to her much, it might be tricky talking to her, since we are both in weird timezones, we will see Bryce: A SWEETHEART. I love Bryce soo much. We worked together in a mini once, and it was super fun, so I'd love to work with him more. Zeezo: She seems super nice! I don't really know her, beyond that she is POVzo and probably a comp threat, but I think she will be fun. I know her and Bryce are friends so we will see where that goes jahdfka Sammy: Super nice! I loosely know him, but he seems like he will be good fun. I havent spoken to him much, so I hope he is gonna be active rip Lynn: I know of her from Moheli, and I know her and Blake were ride or dies which I am wary off.... Otherwise, she has been super quiet and I could see her.... potentially going early rip a queen Saxon: FUDGE. I havent spoken to him at all which is scary, since I feel like he probably already knows a lot of this cast, so if he wins RIP me I guess. Otherwise, he seems like a fun personality so wooo Jelaminah: Ummm. She is wild. Like really wild. I think I stan her, but I also am like.... concious that she is a lot, and its sometimes too much for me. I'm a bit annoyed by her tbh, but its just because she was like laughing at people's sexualities, as if she didnt believe them, and thats super ugly, but I couldn't exactly say anything to her. I think she is gonna be a super dominant personality, but whew we will see. Blake: I know he was a big player in Moheli, but I think he also rubbed people the wrong way.... We will see how he does, he seems iconic Autumn: A QUEEN. She is the most inactive so far which is worrying. I don't want her to go early. I could really see her going up this week, but maybe us two havent talked much, since she is just comfortable in our relationship? AND WHEW. Thats everything, if anyone read this, I love you for that. Otherwise, wooo I'm super nervous, I love my DR guests Owen and Emily and eek. We will see!

ahhh okay so, I’m super excited about meeting new people....BUT...this cast is so huge and I’m so nervous. I like everyone for the most part and I’ve been trying to like talk to some people I’ve played with in the past to maybe smoothe over some bad relationships? The only person I’m still like nervous about is Julia because she kills the straight men and she hates Gemini’s. AND WHAT AM I? A STRAIGHT MALE GEMINI. I don’t think she’s very good at comps tho and I know she would go for Bryce before me. Anyway I seriously love Kat because she is so genuine and I just want to work with her. Also I want to work with alivia, roxy, zeezo, Olivia, randy, Jela, ricky, and autumn! There’s a few others as well but I’ll prob do like a video DR and talk about how I feel about everyone...who knows.

Jose is officially my showmance and we stan asjdkfaslf. He is so nice and my favourite new person I've met in the cast anyway, and he won lots of comps last season so I'm ready for him to drag me to the end dlakjfasfa.

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bryce better not fucking put me up or i'm gonna SHOOT

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wow so happy bryce is HoH!!!! perfect week one :$

I am actually really happy that bryce won this HOH bc that means my ass hole is safe! PRaise BE. MY showmance that was made by ALIVIA has saved my ass and partly to me sorta already knowing him through tara! BITHCH TARA LOLOVE UR ASSSS. ANd shoot idk what these gays are lookin at but ppl be sayin they think im cute. maybe its like when i look at a potato or like a waffle fry?? who knows ahaha but like some of these boys be good lookin like damn. hit me and my crocs up boys ;P

I am not a bottom. ya dumb bitch

Bryce is nomming me for not playing in the hoh. Gurl gurl im not a newb who would buy up that excuse

Just say we arent alligned and im good with the other players and id belive you why would i buy that you, a player whose played a few games by now, would nom someone for abstainimg

Okay SO. I filmed a video confessional earlier, but its already super out of date so its time for an update! I have spoken to lots of people that I hadn't talked to since premiere night which is good, Alivia & Kat are so nice! Jose is, as always a king, and I think (other than Olivia) he is my closest ally rn, so woo we stan. Otherwise, I spoke to Bryce, and it seems like (praise be), I'm not getting nominated, WOO! He says he is nominating Roxy/Autumn, with Julia getting the future shock thingie. Like I told him, the future shock is kind of like a curse and we know Julia loves a good curse, so its a good matchup aljdfkas. Otherwise, these nominations make sense. I LOVE Autumn, but she has been the quietest person in the cast, so I assume she is gonna go first rip. Roxy I have spoken to a fair bit, but I know she is in a funky timezone, which probably throws off her ability to be active. Bryce seemed like he was being pretty open with me, so I hope I'm not the backup plan if somebody comes off. I feel like my social game is pretty strong so I wouldnt have thought people in the house would push for me as a renom and eI'd be suprised if I get nominated! Last but not least, the unfortunate thing is how MENINIST these nominations are akjsdfla, we are really putting the orre in discriminatorrey.

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First DR of the game. I'm not going to do first impressions because I'm not that dry. The game started when I was put in this bitch, so I'm here to go at full force. I'm going to play a strong balance of a great 1 on 1 social game while still being a great personality people love. As of right now I'm being constantly dragged and roasted, and I wouldn't want it any other way. (But this is before HOH so the claws are bound to come over) So my game has been very social as of right now. Before HoH I focused on making genuine connections. I'm good with all the returnees at this point. None of them have beef with me, and I made it clear that I want to work with all of them (while this is farther from the truth). I'm just being diplomatic because there's some tension between the returnees that will have to be released soon. With the returnees I connected automatically with Zeezo. Me and her didnt even small talk its was just game talk from moment one. Thats a great relationship to have, and I'm definitely maintaining it. Jose and Alivia have been talking to me more. Jose has been more open with working with me than Alivia so : \\. All the returnees from Kanto-Sinnoh are here because theyre entertaining, the bitches from Unova-Alola would be casted for redemption but don't meet the criteria. I made an alliance with Jelaminah and Ricky. This is mostly because I need to be on Jelaminah's good side because I know the bitch knows how to play. So i would rather be scheming with her than against her. Ricky is just a number. On housecalls I saw that Jela was talking to Julia a lot. So I started talking to Julia a lot more. I surprisingly trust her a lot more than I thought I would. So me and her aren't beefing, but her and Bryce are. HOS20 affects this game because Julia and Saxon are aligned in this game and they're against Bryce and Sammy as of right now. I know Julia can drop a vendetta, but Saxon is just horrible about it. And I hate Saxon so much. He just gives me second hand embarassment and i dont know why. Like I'm so happy I've trained myself to hold my tongue because the shit he wears on housecalls actually make me laugh. He posted a picture of him shirtless and it was literally looking at rotten spam meat. Its not cute, and he is just so prude in pms because he obviously doesnt want to talk to me. I can make a separate DR about Saxon because he brings out all the hate and all the angst I had when I was in Johto. But going back to the topic Julia fought Sammy and Bryce ig and Saxon thinks Julia is right because he's a kissass and is a savvy feminist. I love Julia so her having beef isnt good. I talked to her and she said she didnt have good relations with Olivia, Bryce, Sammy, and Autumn. And i was shocked that this game is so against her, but this is great information because its something I can utilize. But those are her problems, and they dont affect me. If she wants to play with me she's gonna have to fix amends or take them out 1 by 1First DR of the game. I'm not going to do first impressions because I'm not that dry. The game started when I was put in this bitch, so I'm here to go at full force. I'm going to play a strong balance of a great 1 on 1 social game while still being a great personality people love. As of right now I'm being constantly dragged and roasted, and I wouldn't want it any other way. (But this is before HOH so the claws are bound to come over) So my game has been very social as of right now. Before HoH I focused on making genuine connections. I'm good with all the returnees at this point. None of them have beef with me, and I made it clear that I want to work with all of them (while this is farther from the truth). I'm just being diplomatic because there's some tension between the returnees that will have to be released soon. With the returnees I connected automatically with Zeezo. Me and her didnt even small talk its was just game talk from moment one. Thats a great relationship to have, and I'm definitely maintaining it. Jose and Alivia have been talking to me more. Jose has been more open with working with me than Alivia so : \\. All the returnees from Kanto-Sinnoh are here because theyre entertaining, the bitches from Unova-Alola would be casted for redemption but don't meet the criteria. I made an alliance with Jelaminah and Ricky. This is mostly because I need to be on Jelaminah's good side because I know the bitch knows how to play. So i would rather be scheming with her than against her. Ricky is just a number. On housecalls I saw that Jela was talking to Julia a lot. So I started talking to Julia a lot more. I surprisingly trust her a lot more than I thought I would. So me and her aren't beefing, but her and Bryce are. HOS20 affects this game because Julia and Saxon are aligned in this game and they're against Bryce and Sammy as of right now. I know Julia can drop a vendetta, but Saxon is just horrible about it. And I hate Saxon so much. He just gives me second hand embarassment and i dont know why. Like I'm so happy I've trained myself to hold my tongue because the shit he wears on housecalls actually make me laugh. He posted a picture of him shirtless and it was literally like looking at rotten spam meat. Its not cute, and he is just so prude in pms because he obviously doesnt want to talk to me. I can make a separate DR about Saxon because he brings out all the hate and all the angst I had when I was in Johto. But going back to the topic Julia fought Sammy and Bryce ig and Saxon thinks Julia is right because he's a kissass and is a savvy feminist. I love Julia so her having beef isnt good. I talked to her and she said she didnt have good relations with Olivia, Bryce, Sammy, and Autumn. And i was shocked that this game is so against her, but this is great information because its something I can utilize. But those are her problems, and they dont affect me. If she wants to play with me she's gonna have to fix amends or take them out 1 by 1. Until then I'm going to spend my time with investments that are bound to pay off. Which are with the newbies. I've been spending a lot of time on Blake because Blake lives 20 minutes away from me. I'm trying to hold this down as secret as possible. He likes me, and I want to work with him so I'm just going to continue our friendship and ensure that we're a duo. He doesn't talk a lot in the housechat which is concerning to me, but he does hold very strong one on one relations with most of the house. Lynn is also a south carolina native, and she is just so infectious. She is very intimidated by the large cast meaning that she hasnt bonded that well with a lot of people. So i put two and two together and made a South Carolina alliance. I know Blake is genuine about it. But the main purpose of this alliance is to keep Lynn under my sphere of influence. I can't have no newbies on my side. No ma'am Another newbie who stands out for me is John. John is just really active, and such a social threat. Meaning that his word has saying. So far my relationship with him has been "hey let literally help you with anything and expect nothing in return". With him im trying to show myself as a puppet, or somebody who is very very useful with him. And I actually showed that this week when Bryce won HOH. Won't lie I didnt want but also wanted HOH at the same time. When Bryce won it I was very wary of what was going to happen. Then John comes up to me saying that Bryce is thinking of nominating him. And since I had a decent bond with Bryce I know that I had to save John. So when Bryce talked to me he was dead set as Roxy as the initial nom and target, and Julia for safety this week. Then he mentioned that he was on the fence because he didnt know if he wanted Autumn or John nominated. So I told him the truth that it would be silly to nominate somebody as active as John. And so John wasn't nominated. I stuck my neck out for John and was one of the reasons he isn't nominated this week. And these game things build genuine trust since I'm not just talking to talk. I'm walking to walk and this game isn't ready for Randyy.

Hello ladies and gentlemen you're looking at the first nominee of the season waysup

Imma get to the bottom of this so ain't even worried. I just feel bad y'all didn't even get one happy confessional from me. We just jumped straight into poppin off. That's ok though! Nice for what am i rite

Bryce is full of shit and I'm embarrassed for him. Like who makes an enemy out of me on Day fucking 3? Really my guy? That's the first thing you thought of when you had 19 people to pick from? Apparently I'm getting nominated because the other 18 people in the cast talked to Bryce yesterday and I didn't. Not only do I not buy that, but we just not gonna acknowledge the fact that I talked to him on 2 of the 3 days the game has been going on so far? K cool. Today we learned unless Bryce feels like the prettiest girl at the dance every minute of every day, you're not doing enough Also can we talk about how the "I'm so happy to play with you I always root for you" energy that Bryce was selling to me on day one didn't even last a round? Hiigghkey I feel like the people who know me in the cast are secretly happy cause they know I'm petty enough to take Bryce out and I'll have no problem taking the fall for it. Ali, Ashvika, Sammy, Julia, Olivia- they know I don't play that shit. Can you imagine being first HOH, using it on me, and then thinking I'm not mad at you because I "understand" that nominating me was "the easiest thing to do"?

SHIT YOUR BOI JUST DID THAT TONIGHT! IF U KNOW YOU KNOW. 😜😂

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CLICK HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

woo I'm on call with Autumn, Sammy, Jela & Dennis. THEY ARE SO FUN. I am back on the Jela stan train, she is actually super nice! I think I want Autumn to stay this week (and I think she could too)! Roxy is super sweet, but Autumn is a queen and the queen stays queen! Oh, I'm not using the veto too, its way too early to make a move and I don't know who would go up instead. I'm still SHRIEKING that I won that veto somehow kjlasdfa

CLICK HERE TO SEE RANDY’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

[5/9/18, 2:45:32 PM] Blake Sanders: do you want money?? [5/9/18, 2:45:41 PM] Blake Sanders: BC THE MONEY WANTS YOU! [5/9/18, 2:45:43 PM] alivia: do you wanna be rich??? [5/9/18, 2:45:53 PM] Blake Sanders: ^^^^^^ RICH [5/9/18, 2:45:58 PM] Blake Sanders: not just driving nice car rich [5/9/18, 2:46:07 PM] Blake Sanders: I mean using cheeta fur as toilet paper rich! [5/9/18, 2:46:15 PM] alivia: 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 [5/9/18, 2:48:20 PM] alivia: YOUVE BEEN HAND SELECTED [5/9/18, 2:48:31 PM] alivia: BECAUSE WE THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES [5/9/18, 3:07:19 PM] rixxy 🦄: Hi I just got off work [5/9/18, 3:07:23 PM] rixxy 🦄: what the FUCK is this? [5/9/18, 3:07:33 PM] alivia: DO YOU WANT MONEY??? [5/9/18, 3:07:52 PM] rixxy 🦄: i'm scared but absolutely [5/9/18, 3:07:58 PM] Blake Sanders: FUCK YA! [5/9/18, 3:07:58 PM] alivia: WE WANT YOUR HELP SCAMMING THIS HOUSE! [5/9/18, 3:08:09 PM] alivia: it’s good to be a little scared [5/9/18, 3:08:12 PM] rixxy 🦄: I definitely don't like where this is going. [5/9/18, 3:08:12 PM] Blake Sanders: MONEY WERE GOIN TO RULE THIS AND MAKE MONEY [5/9/18, 3:08:26 PM] Blake Sanders: BUT U WILL RIXXY [5/9/18, 3:08:31 PM] rixxy 🦄: god [5/9/18, 3:08:34 PM] Blake Sanders: <3 [5/9/18, 3:09:00 PM] lynnt: yes [5/9/18, 3:09:53 PM] alivia: you’re gonna be rich so you gotta live rich [5/9/18, 3:11:57 PM] Blake Sanders: There’s like a joining fee [5/9/18, 3:12:01 PM] alivia: yep [5/9/18, 3:12:09 PM] alivia: like scientology [5/9/18, 3:12:21 PM] alivia: but like this is real [5/9/18, 3:12:56 PM] rixxy 🦄: i'm not paying for this [5/9/18, 3:13:01 PM] rixxy 🦄: is this like a legit game thing? [5/9/18, 3:13:03 PM] rixxy 🦄: bc [5/9/18, 3:13:07 PM] lynnt: then imma opt out b/c this rich bitch is cheap and that’s why i’m rich [5/9/18, 3:13:55 PM] Blake Sanders: I mean we legit love u guys [5/9/18, 3:14:07 PM] rixxy 🦄: is this an alliance [5/9/18, 3:14:12 PM] rixxy 🦄: bc i'm uncomfortable and confused [5/9/18, 3:14:35 PM] alivia: woah woah woah [5/9/18, 3:14:41 PM] alivia: everyone calm down [5/9/18, 3:15:09 PM] alivia: don’t worry about the money. you can pay the joining fee AFTER we’re rich [5/9/18, 3:15:15 PM] alivia: don’t worry [5/9/18, 3:15:16 PM] rixxy 🦄: like i'm actually having an anxiety attack can you RATMEME.PNG literally..... WHAT???? blake and i were talking and started joking about being scammers bc sdfkal and then i was like "we should start a scammer alliance" and that's how it all started. we thought it would be SO funny if we just added them to a chat and started trolling them about scamming houseguests out of their money dljgdkfjg and i thought MAYBE lynn and ricky would be confused at first but ricky literally lost his mind like ooops my bad WE THOUGHT WE WERE FUNNY BUT I GAS NOT. [5/9/18, 3:16:08 PM] alivia: it’s a joke but kind of an alliance [5/9/18, 3:16:21 PM] alivia: but mostly a joke [5/9/18, 3:16:44 PM] rixxy 🦄: i literally thought i got dragged into some kind of game twist and i wouldn't play my own game god [5/9/18, 3:17:08 PM] alivia: omg WHAT [5/9/18, 3:17:19 PM] alivia: LITERALLY THE BIGGEST JOKE NOT SERIOUS [5/9/18, 3:17:25 PM] alivia: IMSORFY [5/9/18, 3:17:28 PM] rixxy 🦄: like i thought it was some saboteur/team america bullshit [5/9/18, 3:17:35 PM] alivia: omg noooo [5/9/18, 3:17:42 PM] rixxy 🦄: all i want to do is play the game and i literally thought that was snatched from me [5/9/18, 3:17:50 PM] alivia: HOW??? [5/9/18, 3:18:17 PM] rixxy 🦄: idk i thought y'all were a twist sdksksksksks sdfjsdl wow fuck me i gas??? my social game is really off to a great start!!! gotta get ricky outta here asap now

Right now i am on CAll with SAMMY SAM bc im bad at talking to multiple people at a time! SOOOOOO SAMMY is like wanting to be ym ally but like do i trust his ass??

CLICK HERE TO SEE JOSE’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

okayyyyy so this is definitely something different like bb is hard tbh. there's too many people to talk to and i just really don't care about continuing to keep up a convo with some of them but you have to or bye bye. i have definitely not been as social as most and that is def scary but the people that i have talked to and made connections are super nice. so that's why i was so glad when the people that won HOH and POV are people i talked to. uuhHHuh i have no fucking clue who i want to evict tonight so that's fun! ya know autumn is super nice and chill but she did go dark for a while and roxy is super fun and i still haven't heard ANY singing and i want to and she is campaigning really hard so she really wants to stay BUT since she's campaigning so hard to stay and kinda saying anything to EVERYONE who knows what she'll do to stay in the game later on. idk is it too early to be thinking about later in the game?? idkkk thanks for coming to my rambling ted talk. find out next time on if i've decided.

CLICK HERE TO SEE DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

OK SOOOO the eviction is coming up tonight and its either going to be Autumn or Roxy! NOw autumn is a super sweet queen but i feel like she will kill me if need be! but i still lvoe her! now roxy she is fighting for her life like she is making me promises i think she will not be able to keep. bc ive heard form other hosue guests she is making the same promises to them. NOW i love talkin to her about food and cooking but i feel awful that im most likely going to evict her! but o well it has to be done im glad its not me

i feel like i should give like a summary of like where i am with everyone and how i feel about them all before the first eviction! ALI: Well i first knew him because he reached out to me about a game he is gonna host. He like doesn't talk to me much which makes me nervous... I like him a lot but looks like we are just acquaintances atm. ALIVIA: OK I FREAKIN LOVE HER! SHE IS HILARIOUS! WE STARTED A ALLIANCE CHAT CALLED SCAMMERS R' US AND RICKY LEGIT FREAKED THE FUCK OUT AND WE WERE ALL LIKE WTF JUST HAPPENED HE IS INSANE! i hope i get to work with her a lot during this game and talk about ice cream! But i do see her stabbing me in the back later on so ill prob strike first. LOVE YA ASHVIKA: now this girl is a goddess she is beauty and she is grace! we talk like avg and stuff we have small chats nothing about gamewise. I see her as not being a threat as in targeting people or winning HOH i see her as a social threat. I think she will go far but not win she will def be jury. I think she is amazing tho and shes a model soo like i want to be her. AUTUMN: Now Autumn is a delight to be around so sweet and seems so pure but she will kill me i just know it. She's the beautiful flower in the garden that turns into a man eating plant <3 she is temptation and i may fall for it BLAKE: ive been told i was a certified good boy BRYCE: Now i knew him b4 this game bc of my friend TARA LOVE YOU BITCH <3 ! i think he will keep me around but idk if our bond is tight enough. i dont think he will choose to evict me yet. but other thsn that i want to work on having a closer bond with him for sure! DENNIS: I like dennis he just iidk theres not alot to say? me adn him talk about video games and stuff but whenever i talk to him i like forget like why im talkin to him lol! but he is super chill! JELAMINAH: THIS WOMAN <3 IS AMAZINGLY FUNNYY! SHE IS ONE PERSONALITY I WANT TO GET ON MY SIDE~! she is hilarious amd an amazing person i want to work with her sooo bad! i talk to her in oms sometimes but she is more of a on call person i believe or she just doesn't wanna talk to me ahah . O AND JELA I TAKE BACK TO WHO I THINK THE CUTEST BOY HERE IS ! JOHN : I love john! me and him talk trash about random things and it is hilarious! i hope he feels as close to me as i am to him! i feel like we can work together in the long run. JOSE: Ive only talked to Jose just a little bit so im worried if he ever wins HOH bc i may be nominated! so i better get my ass into high gear and talk to him more. other than that i remebr him as the guy who someone hit his fence with a car. JULIA: NOW i have heard things about this girl! like that she is ana amzing player and i better watch out for her! IM SO SORRY JULIA BUT U R ON MY HITLIST! AND SADLY U NEVER U LEFT ME ON READ IN MY PMS RUDE~! KAT:I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT KAT BUT WE JUST STARTED TALKING TODAY AND WE HELPED names each others plants! she is a precious person and i love her! she is so funny! i want to work with her for this game! LYNN: YALL THIS IS MY BITCH ! I LOVE YOU LYNN WE PLAYED IN MOHELI TOGETHER AND AFTER THAT IT WAS HISTORY WE BECAME BEST FRIENDS VISITING EACH OTHER AND STUFF! SHE ONLY LIED 2 HOURS FROM ME WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL I SAW HER ALL THE TIME! I AM MOST DEF WORKING WITH HER! SHE IS MY BESTFRIEND! <3 LOVE U OLIVIA: OK WELL IDK MUCH bout her. ummmm i talked to her a little im ttrying to become her ally but its not really workign she wont talk to meee!! RANDY: omg i have not heard good things about him.... i shouldve been told these things sooner omg! i feel like he hates me he might! we live in the same city and live like 15 mins away! omg rip rip rip . he goes to my old highdchool! thats crazy af! im working wiht him rn but i i think im going to nom him in the middle of the game or try to get him out around then. sorry randy! also hes been giving me the cold shoulder and not talkin to me which is rude. adnwe r in an alliance chat bro. come on really... RICKY: TBh u annoy me. everything i like u say its dumb or u don't like it. i say goodmorning/afternoon to u adn u say its morning its not even close to afternoon whatre u doing. AND IM LIKE WTF HAV U NEVER HEARD OF TIMEZONES! LIKE HELLLLLO! damn just we are not compatible people and well if i ever win HOH ill prob nom him. ROXY: DAMN BITCH I CAUGHT U IN A LIE AND U DONT KNOW ABOUT IT! THIS IS THE REAOSN IM VOTIN TO EVICT U IM SORRY OMG IM GOIN TO MISS TALKIN TO U ABOUT FOOD! ur sooo sweet omg and u hav a lovely voice! SAMMY: I have been told not to trust him bc he is a snake. But shit he is one of my closest allies now! like we talked for hours on call and watched survivor it was such a cute little date! GOD i hope he doesnt betray me ill cry so much! i mean he might but like i dont wanna back stab him.... yet <3 SAXON: who r u?? talked like never. ur probably nice?? ZEEZO: Girl u be freakin lynn out with eveyrhting u saying to and about her! soo idk like aht to do wiht u ahahah prob get u nominated?? SORRY IM A LOSER AND DIDNT MAKE A VID I LOOK LIKE A THUMB ATM <3

what bitch Randy, 3:05 PM hola 3:05 PM you never sent me a pm Randy, 3:05 PM ur coll bc you aint never talk about interesting shit 3:05 PM uh huh Randy, 3:05 PM tf am i supposed to reply to "yea" 3:06 PM sorry I'm not your source of entertainment you twink I was busy with my life Randy, 3:06 PM wow this is something we can TALK ABOUT Randy, 3:06 PM what did you do I kinda snapped sorry Randy

Are u gonnaget ur tattoo coloured? :0 or will it be lines? Rn im hungry waiting for ma burger heh 9:21 PM It’s just lines henny 👑, 9:23 PM Sweet! What inspires the one u chose? 👑, 6:35 AM Hey saxon! I wanted to wait to speak to you in person but im tired and sorta not feeling well so i cant stay up. I wouls love it id you vote me to stay!! I really enjoy this game and im a p loyal ally! Im active and have jackbox too xd. Ill try be up at least 2 hours bfr eviction if you wanna chat about the vote! 👑, 3:03 PM Morning 3:03 PM Hiya 👑, 3:03 PM Hows it going? 3:04 PM fine busy 👑, 3:04 PM Ripp with what m? 3:05 PM a 5 page paper 👑, 3:06 PM Ew Wtf 3:06 PM ye 👑, 3:06 PM Just quit school. Death sound sbetter than that Hshsbs 3:10 PM i omg 👑, 3:11 PM Lmfao Man now my eviction worries seem meaningless 3:14 PM Why is that? 👑, 3:15 PM :o cause your 5 page thing is gross :o have you started on it or still got a ways to go? 3:20 PM I still got a ways to go 👑, 3:20 PM yikes 👑, 3:20 PM how are you feeling about this week? like hame wise Roxy I think you're a lovely person but holy fuck can you just please shut up sometimes when you know someone is busy

CLICK HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

CLICK HERE TO SEE PT 1 OF BRYCE’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

CLICK HERE TO SEE PT 2 OF BRYCE’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

I'd say it was an effective campaign xoxo Summer Shrek

CAST ASSESSMENT

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE WEEK 1 CAST ASSESSMENT!

#episode #bborre

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