#obito being a complete mess because I live for that shit

[obitos-whore]

First date headcanons/imagine for Obito

Tw: None. Just fluff and chaos/crack, cuz I feel like bullying good ol' Bito today and needed something to cheer myself up

Plans everything down to the tiniest detail. From the time and location to the stuff you will be doing. Obito is a perfectionist and aims to impress his darling.

He gets incredibly irritated when someone points out that he's going overboard and "doing too much" for his first date

When it finally comes to taking his darling out, the first thing he'll do is give them a large bouquet of their favourite flowers. He may or may not have bought up the entire stock of them too

He'll take you to the Hokage monument, where he has planned a nice picnic, followed by watching the sunset and some romantic stargazing afterwards for the two of you

What makes it extra special is the fact that he had prepared the food all by himself. Which is a huge deal, considering Obito is not the greatest when it comes to cooking. He does manage to heat up water in a kettle for his instant ramen without burning it, but the rest of his kitchen is basically just decoration

That's why he took cooking lessons from the grannies and gentlemanly advices from the grandpas of Konoha, to sharpen up his cooking skills and perfect his mannerism

When you two arrive at the top of the Hokage mountain, the first disaster occurs right away; a wild animal has ravaged the site and eaten all the foods he had prepared, including your favourite dessert

This leaves Obito in shambles and looking like a soaked puppy that has been kicked multiple times. He just wanted to impress you and now he stands there with absolutely nothing but the remains of what was supposed to be the perfect day

He tries to do some damage control and quickly comes up with a back-up plan to save not only whatever dignity he got left, but also to make the day still somehow enjoyable despite this bitter setback

That's when the second disaster comes buzzing right towards you. Literally

At first, it's only a few bees showing interest in your flowers. No worries, right? But it gradually gets more until Obito swats one particularly pesky bee away from your face

Aggravated by that action, the bees suddenly got a new target: You

Realising his mistake, Obito grabs you by the wrist and drags you with him all the way down the flight of stairs and back into the village

During your escape, you try to keep the pursuing bees at bay, using your bouquet as a makeshift swatter, which doesn't prove to be effective and only angers the little insects more. Resulting in the both of you getting stung

Not wanting you to get hurt further, Obito scooped you up and acted as a shield to protect you from those nasty stingers and therefore took the most of it

In a last, desperate attempt to distract and hopefully get rid of your pursuers, you drop the bouquet, which once again proves ineffective

It wasn't until Obito had reached the entrance to the Uchiha District that the aggressive pursuit suddenly came to a stop, thanks to the Aburame clan, who had been informed about a rampaging bee swarm

Hungry, sweaty, exhausted and with a shit ton of burning bee stings everywhere, Obito sets you back down

You can tell that he's completely devastated and humiliated by today's events

"I am so sorry, Y/n... I swear! I had everything planned out. The picnic, the sunset, the stargazing... And for what?"

Unable to bear the sight of Obito being so disheartened over what happened, you suggest to take care of his stings for him and get takeout and just have a stay at home date

Obito, genuinely surprised that you didn't ditch him after that fiasco, happily agrees to your suggestion

While taking care of the poor guy, he does his best not to complain about the pain caused by the stings, even though sitting down not only hurts like ass, but, in fact, also hurts his ass

Once you're done tending to the pincushion Uchiha, he sets up a nice little candlelight dinner, with some old candles he had found in one of the kitchen drawers

It's certainly not the most romantic first date, but it's not a complete flop either

[tossawary]

Looking up some things has turned into reading the last 100 or so chapters of the "Naruto" manga for fun, because why not. Some random assorted notes so far (as of finishing Chapter 661):

This end fight is so fucking long, there are so many characters, and the pacing is bordering on excruciating. There's some stuff happening here that's delicious, but there's a lot of messy back and forth of the narrative focus that I personally am not fully vibing with. I cannot imagine trying to follow this split story weekly. This is common enough to a lot of big shounen mangas.

I generally like the basic artstyle here (the use of white and black especially), but the quality of page composition, panel composition, and scene clarity generally is obviously suffering heavily from these chapters being pushed out too quickly. I can barely tell some characters apart and some panels are just messes of lines. This is also common enough among mangas, so eh, it's also whatever.

It's kind of funny to me how Hashirama and Tobirama and Minato suddenly become major characters for like a solid 30 chapters or so. Like, yeah, I can see why Founders Era fic is popular. The flashback chapters themselves are pretty short, but Madara is one of the main villains in this fight, and the undead Senju brothers are suddenly here to kick ass on a level apparently far beyond most other characters. The grudges and betrayal here are delicious. These are also the people who founded Konoha itself, the main location of the manga for hundreds of chapters now, honestly not that many generations ago. It also helps that the Founders feel like they have nicely complete tragic arcs and lives to work with, instead of the relatively open-ended narrative mess that the main Naruto characters live in.

Also, Hashirama can definitely act the idiot and I think some of his choices / opinions are stupid as hell, but he's obviously a very clever and observant and ruthless person. Tobirama went on to become Hokage after his brother and will not hesitate to forcefully give his opinions, but it's also clear in some scenes that Hashirama is still the one in charge between them. Tobirama seems to fairly naturally fall into a very useful support role to whoever he's fighting with, including Minato and Naruto.

I like both Minato and Tobirama because I have a weakness for characters who engage with their magic systems to make new things. Minato improved on the Flying Thunder God technique and Orochimaru improved on the Edo Tensai technique, but Tobirama invented BOTH of those things? PLUS Shadow Clones??? All of which are basically carrying a significant part of the battle right now? Like, damn, Hashirama has his Mokuton, and Tobirama was stubbornly like, "Not being left behind. Fuck you."

So, yeah, the "Hashirama versus Madara", "Tobirama versus Madara", "Minato (plus Naruto & Tobirama) versus Obito", and "Kakashi versus Obito" are probably my favorite parts of this. Not knocking on Naruto or Sasuke or the large background mob of characters here, but they just do not have the same personal, ugly, emotional history in this fight, so I don't really care as much.

Ino can forcibly link hundreds of unknown minds together so Shikamaru can broadcast battle plans??? Holy shit??? The vibe I'm getting is that she was using the link apparently created by Naruto's chakra to do this, but still. Both Ino and Sakura have the potential to be incredibly OP badass characters and they are generally just... Not Allowed to take the spotlight here.

Shikamaru had this big dramatic chapter about surviving to become Naruto's future advisor someday, and I had to repress the urge to holler, "Gaaaaay!" at the screen. I do love the inherent homoeroticism of a right-hand man. (Also, *waves a hand vaguely* Gaara's whole everything.)

To be honest, though, I'm not even sure what Sasuke has spent the past fifty chapters doing. He's there! He sure is there! I think he just got stabbed, so now he gets to be emotional motivation for Naruto again. As far as I understand it, not being sure what Sasuke is actually doing sums up basically everything he does in the manga. There are too many characters here.

On that note, the vibe I'm getting from Orochimaru is that he's also mostly just here to spectate. Like, yeah, I know. Characters like Orochimaru and Sakura and Tsunade are keeping everyone alive with their bare fucking hands right now, but also, give Orochimaru some opera glasses and an alcoholic beverage and it wouldn't feel that out of place.

I'll probably have more to add at some point, but these are the (not that serious) notes off the top of my head.

[sleepysnk]

a/n: welcome back! i’m back with another update :). we are entering the final couple chapters and it makes me feel sad </3. I hope you guys enjoy this! thank you again for your patience.

pairings: obito uchiha x fem!reader

warnings: modern au, college au, cursing, some mentions of anxiety, mentions of cheating, mentions of past relationships, angst, fighting (not physical).

The Beach: Chapter Thirty-One

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“Konan..” you said. “Someone’s here..”

Konan’s eyebrows knitted at your words. She didn’t like the tone of your voice. You sounded worried. She wondered if it was possible that Obito was here. He knew where the two of you resided, so it wouldn’t be much of a shock if he was standing right outside the door. 

She came beside you with concern written all over her features. She honestly prepared herself for the absolute worst because she knew there were two horrible possibilities. She didn’t want anyone harassing you. If she needed to, Konan would call the cops or campus police to deal with the situation. She didn’t want anymore of these assholes coming around trying to mess with you. You already had enough bullshit to deal with, and she was tired of seeing you hurt because of them. She prayed that it was someone you both knew and not who she thought it was. 

Though, judging by the expression on your face, it didn’t seem good. 

You weren’t sure what to do. You didn’t know how he got your address or how he was aware of where you lived. What the fuck were you going to do now? There was no way you could face him without either breaking down, or screaming at him in a fit of rage. Either option would lead to some serious shit going down, and you didn’t know how you could handle it. Should you step out there? Wait until he leaves? God, you had to make a decision and fast or else things were going to come to a boiling point and you’d be forced to make a decision. 

Konan stared at you with an intense expression. She was serious. It almost gave you chills from the way she was looking at you. In all honesty, her facial expression could probably scare kids into never coming back to your apartment complex. “Who is it..?” she questioned, trying to keep her voice low so whoever was on the other side couldn’t hear her speaking to you. 

Your eyes shifted from the doorknob to where your best friend was standing. Her honey eyes were fixated on where you were right next to her. Your heart rate spiked the second you made eye contact with her. “It’s.. Itachi..” you then looked down at the floor, trying to avoid her gaze. You could practically feel the atmosphere shift the second you had said his name. She was most definitely not happy hearing that name. 

Konan’s anger was visible on her face. She reached for the doorknob and almost twisted it open the second you replied. She was pissed off now. Why the fuck was he here? He didn’t deserve to speak, nor engage with you. Itachi had put you through hell and back your freshman year, and she wasn’t about to let him walk in and try to sweet talk you. He had some fucking nerve stepping into your complex and expecting a calm discussion with you. He was a piece of shit. He needed to hear it. 

You placed your hand around her wrist, preventing her from opening the door in front of her. Konan’s gaze was removed from the knob and was placed on your face. She could see the way your face had screamed for her to not go out there. “(Y/N)..” she shook her head. “He needs to leave.. please don’t tell me you’re going to go out there and speak with him! He was a piece of shit to you and I don’t want him to get in your head!”

A shaky sigh left your lips at her words. She was completely right. Itachi didn’t deserve to speak with you after all that he had done. He was a horrible guy for what he did to you, and it was no surprise that Konan was being defensive. After all, she was the only other person who wanted to help you after the breakup. She had a point, but you wanted to tell him off. This was your business and dragging Konan into it might not end very well. Itachi would listen if it was you, but her? Probably not. 

You looked at Konan with a stern face. As much as you would appreciate her help, you knew that this would only end if you went out there and faced what you had been running from for the past year. “Konan, I’ll go out there. This needs to end and I want him to leave, so let me deal with this. I promise if I need you, I’ll call for you.” you tried sounding reassuring, but your voice was somewhat wavering. 

She honestly couldn’t believe what you were saying. Konan wanted to disagree and protest, but she also knew she was right. It was your issue and Itachi wasn’t someone Konan was involved with. She was still worried for you though, because seeing what he did to you, he knew that this could open a really bad can of worms. “Are you sure? (Y/N).. he-“

“I’m sure. Just leave it to me.” you interrupted, removing your hand off of her wrist. 

Her mouth opened to speak once again, but then she closed it. She decided to just let you be. You were mature and old enough to make your own decisions, especially when it came to Itachi. You also knew how to stand up for yourself. She had faith in you. She knew you wouldn’t crack and crumble to him. “Alright.. just say the word and I’ll crack him over the head.” she then backed away from the front door so you could walk out of it.

You nodded your head, then put your hand on the doorknob. You took a deep breath, trying to collect every single thought that was swirling around your brain. You swallowed down everything inside you, then proceeded to pull on the front door to open it. 

The door opening caught Itachi’s attention. He thought for a brief second that you weren’t home or that he possibly had the wrong address, but he was shocked to see that you had appeared in the doorway. You seemed tired. Your hair was somewhat tossed around and you had these bags underneath your eyes. He had seen that sight before. He saw it plenty of times when you’d spend the night at his place, or when you’d first wake up and he’d call you for your morning FaceTimes. You were still so beautiful. 

You shut the door quickly behind you, avoiding eye contact with your ex-boyfriend. You could feel his eyes boring into your head. It was quite awkward, but his presence annoyed the absolute shit out of you. “Why are you here? How the fuck did you find my place?” you got straight to the point, because who the fuck cared about beating around the bush with pointless conversation. 

Itachi expected nothing less from you. However, it was the exact opposite of what he had seen last night. You always had such a bold and defensive personality towards people who wronged you, and he shouldn’t have been shocked to see it come out at him. “I just wanted to talk with you..” he placed his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “And.. I got your address from an old friend.” 

You scoffed at his reply. You’d also make sure to find that old friend and remind them to never hand over your address to your damn ex. There was honestly nothing to talk about anymore with him. You didn’t want to hear anything either. “I’m gonna stop you right there.” you sounded serious this time. “I don’t care what you have to say. There is nothing to talk about anymore, and I don’t want to see your face here. Do me a favor, and get the fuck away from me or else I’ll call the cops.” 

His expression shifted to a more surprised one now. He honestly thought you’d say the exact opposite, but judging by your angry face, he knew you weren’t going to listen. “Are you-“

“I’m sure. Don’t ever come back here or I will get the police involved, we good on that?” you questioned, raising your eyebrows.

Itachi kissed his teeth at your reply. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to say much, and he didn’t want to have to deal with the police being involved with this. He decided to just let it go. He’d probably try some other time, but for now, he was going to leave you be. You were still angry with him and he knew that was probably never going to change. “Alright, fine!” he placed his hands in the air defensively, then turned down the hall to head towards the exit of your apartment complex. 

You watched tensely as he disappeared around the corner of the hallway. All of those high nerves you had began to fall when you realized he was now gone. 

You were honestly in complete shock with everything that had just gone down. You were for sure going to speak with your friends to remind them that Itachi shouldn’t be given any information on your whereabouts from here on out. He had to be some kind of fool to believe you would just give in and speak with him. You prayed this was the last time you’d ever interact with him. Maybe this was your sign to get your shit together and quit moping around your damn room all day. Itachi seeing you vulnerable only gave him the chance to infect your mind. You didn’t need that at all. 

A sigh of relief left your mouth. You then decided to go back into your apartment and inform Konan of what just occurred. You wouldn’t be shocked if she was behind the door with her ear pressed against it. 

“(Y/N)?”

A voice calling for you just a couple feet away made you freeze in your spot. All of the blood inside your body had gone cold, and your heart began to race rapidly. You knew that voice. It was easily recognizable from a mile away. You thought that this would be the last of your issues, but it seemed like a new one piled up whenever you felt somewhat fine. However, you were not expecting to see him coming to visit you. Not now. 

Your head lifted from the floor and you turned so you could see Obito. He seemed somewhat serious and almost hesitant to talk with you. That familiar anger that you had just a few minutes prior had resurfaced once again. He had some fucking nerve coming here, just like Itachi. After everything you heard from Rin, you never imagined you’d see the same man who dropped you just a few weeks ago standing before you. It was honestly hard to read him. You wondered what he wanted or what his motives were. In all honesty, you didn’t think he deserved a calm discussion either. 

There was a small moment of silence between the two of you. Obito hadn’t seen you since the party, and he was honestly worried. After hearing about what your ex had done, there was guilt that plagued his heart. He understood everything and he wished he wasn’t such an idiot. Although you seemed physically the same, he could tell you weren’t the same person inside. 

Gathering all of the courage inside you, you turned your body to face the man. He looked the same as ever. If you got closer, you could smell the aroma of his cologne he often wore whenever the two of you hung out. It was honestly hard to believe that you hadn’t spoken, nor been this close to him in weeks. “What do you want, Obito?” you looked up at him with irritated eyes. A look he hadn’t expected you to give him, ever. 

He honestly didn’t know what to respond with. What was he truly here for? 

Obito had felt disgusted with what he had done and said about you. He knew no amount of apologies would ever make you forgive him, but he wanted you to know that he was sorry. “I just wanted to talk with you.. (Y/N).” he replied. “I know things are shit right now, but-“

“But, what? After all that you’ve said about me.. you want me to just talk with you like it’s nothing?!” your voice grew louder this time, which made Obito’s eyes grow wide.

He knew you were right, but he still wanted to try and speak with you. He wanted to explain his side and let you know that he regretted all that he had said. He honestly wished he could reverse time and tell himself to take a look at the bigger picture. Obito was such a fucking idiot. “I know you’re upset, but you have got to hear me out! There’s so much shit I want to tell you.” he tried walking closer to you, but you immediately stepped backwards. 

A scoff came from your lips. You honestly couldn’t believe what he was trying to say to you. What was there to explain? What was there for you to hear? He was almost a bigger idiot than Itachi was. No matter what, Obito hurt your feelings and what he said was unforgivable. They always say people come back when they realize what they lost in another person, and Obito was a prime example of that. “What is there to explain, Obito? How I’m a slut? A whore? Let me think about what else you said..” you spat. “I don’t want to hear a single goddamn thing from you, so get out or else I will call the cops.”

“But, (Y/N)-“

“I mean it, Obito! I don’t want to hear shit from you, so go!” you interrupted, pointing at the other end of the hallway. 

He was about to continue talking, but he knew that he wasn’t going to get through to you no matter how much he protested. Obito took a step back and turned around to walk away from you. He honestly didn’t think things were going to end this way. All he wanted to do was just explain the misunderstanding, but he knew it was too late for that. You honestly deserve someone better than him. He just wished he didn’t fuck up. He knew he cared about you, but he was too angry to ever stop and think for a moment. 

It seemed like you were done with him for good.

[kakakakashi]

Darling!! I just really want to say thank you for ALL your UCHIHA hcs!! They’re absolutely delicious!! Anyway I know your super busy but if you have time may I prettyyyyy pls maketh a small request for kinktober?? A pregnant sex hc with all our fav uchihas? I just can’t get enough of your Uchiha breeding kink TM 😂 I love your work! Stay Cherrylicious! ❤️🍒

You are cherrylicious, fam! 🍒 Lol, thanks. My hcs aren’t delicious, though. The Uchiha are… At least Shisui is. The further I get in with the story, the more I’ll be able to add. Personally, I’m not doing kinktober just because I’ve got too much on my plate rn, but lbr, I never need an excuse to be nasty. I’m just gonna be gross 365 days a year. My kinkiness isn’t limited to a month. You can’t get enough? Lol, neither can they. Motherfuckin Uchiha. Anyway…

*NSFW under the cut*

Itachi

This man gets so soft for you when he sees you doing domestic shit when you’re pregnant, and he just remembers how much he adores you.

You’re doing something as simple as drying the dishes while he washes, and as soon as the two of you are done, he just kisses you so sweetly and passionately.

You can’t deny him kisses when he looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky.

Do you start it? Does he start it? Nobody knows.

You’re already being carried to the bedroom, so he can make slow, sweet love to you.  

He literally worships you, paying extra attention to your bump because he can’t believe that you’ve got his kid in there.

He plays with your breasts a lot too, and it feels so good.

Will insist that you lay back and let him take care of you.

Believe me, you will not lift a finger. This dork is not having it. Like, you’re already doing so much for him, he just wants to make you feel so good.

He’ll eat you out until you’ve come at least twice just from his tongue and fingers before he even thinks about putting his dick in you.

And he takes it slow, like I said. He just wants to pamper you.

He makes sure you’re in the most comfortable position possible while he’s languidly thrusting in and out of you.

It’s all very soothing and relaxing.

When you come the third time, it rolls over you in slow, undulating waves, and he works you through it with fluid motions that have your body feeling like you’re floating.

After you come down, he’s on the verge of following you, your walls spasming and contracting around him and encouraging his hips to stutter while he moans, and his eyes roll back.

You’re both fuckin spent, and your entire body’s tingly.

Itachi just gently kissed everywhere across your skin while you stay connected for a bit, just cherishing each other.

Ugh, it’s so soft and good. It’s like your underwater.

Madara

He’s not necessarily actively interested in pregnant sex in my opinion.

Like, you’re already pregnant. His job is done. He’s gonna go fight Hashirama until you have the kid.

Then, he’ll fuck another one into you.

So, if you want it, you’re gonna have to seduce him.

Given, it’s not that hard. Just get him jealous or just sit on his lap while he’s reading and start grinding on him.

He’ll eventually put down whatever he was reading.  

He’ll also definitely make you get off on his thigh before he fucks you.

He’ll also make you take off all your clothes while he’s still completely clothed.

He likes the look of your bump while you pleasure yourself on his thigh.

He’s just going to watch you while you take what you need because you’re so desperate for him.

Like, you’ve already got his baby inside you, and it’s still not enough for you?

Then he’s gonna make you ride him right there on the couch.

He’ll make you beg for it first, though.

Your legs will be exhausted, but it’ll totally be worth it.

He’s going to allow you to control the pace for once just because he doesn’t want to hurt the baby.

He basically just sits and makes you do all the work for once.

And once he’s done, he’ll carry you to your bed and clean you up because you’re carrying an Uchiha, and you deserve to be taken care of for that, no matter how rough around the edges he is.  

Obito

Pregnancy hormones are a bitch sometimes.

And let me tell you, you are so fucking horny, and he’s not even close to complaining.

There’s this one comedian who did a show about having a kid… and I just can’t get it out of my head rn because I feel like there’s this one part… that’s just… the epitome of being pregnant with Obito’s kid, but anyway.

“It’s like having sex with Space Mountain!”

If you know what this is from, let’s be friends.

So literally, anytime you’re feeling horny, just go for it.

It’s so good for him, like… he didn’t have a pregnancy kink until you got pregnant because the sex is just that fucking good.

Just, all the magical contractions and positions and shit.

And every time, you’re blowing his mind, and he’s blowing yours.

It’s very sloppy and hot, but he still tries his best to be gentle with you.

He loves experimenting with positions, and he definitely wants to incorporate some of them into your sex life after the pregnancy

He will literally do anything you ask. You make the rules in the bedroom when you’re pregnant. The only thing he won’t do is something that could potentially harm you or the baby.

He loves how your tits get bigger, and he loves to play with them when you guys fuck.

Lots of nipple play. Oops.

He always kisses your belly after when he gets all soft and cuddly. He’ll also talk to the baby while you’re lying down together.

Sasuke

He can’t wait for you to give birth, so he can put another one in you. Like, he’s counting down the days until your due date because he wants to restore his clan have a big family, okay?

Nobody dies here.

But like… sometimes, he just sees you, and his brain goes to his dick.

The man has no self-control in all honesty. Like… *gestures to the entirety of Naruto*

Anyway, he’s like “the love of my life carrying my child must not be touched by anyone,” but then his dick gets hard, and he’s like “... except me... to please them.”

So, he’s gonna give you that slow broody sex that he’s too into because the boy is Dramatique™ .

And I mean, are you really complaining when he’s fucking you nice and slow, letting you really feel everything in your overly sensitive state?

The answer is no.

He’s another one that will do his best to make you comfortable before he starts, but he does it quietly.

And as he gets closer, his pace picks up until it’s more moderate than slow.

And he’s gonna tell you that he can’t wait for you to have your baby so he can knock you up again.

Especially because it’s so good.

And you cum pulling his hair and crying his name.

He’s just living for it all, and the breeding kink comes out, and he’s just kind of a mess.

Sasuke is another one that will be like “You’re already pregnant with my child, and you’re still begging me to cum in you?”

He will, though.

And he’ll take whatever pours out on his fingers to push it back inside you.

Shisui

Nasty motherfucker gets turned on when you wear tighter clothes, and he sees your bump bulging underneath.

He’s like “Yeah, I did that. I put that baby in there.”

Omg, god forbid you wear something that makes the bump peek out.

He also kind of wants to make you feel really good because he knows your body is going through a lot making a whole other person.

He’ll insist you sit on his face even more than usual.

With all the contractions and sensitivity, the man’s gonna fuck you every chance he gets.

He also thinks your pregnancy glow is really sexy.

Like, if you’re even the slightest bit horny, he’s got you on your back on the nearest surface.

He just really wants to please you all the time because you’re carrying his baby. Like… he just thinks the sun shines out your ass.

On days where you’re both off, he always tries to convince you to just stay home all day.

He just wants to snuggle and talk and make love all day because he wants you to be pampered in your state.

Some days you let him, and you just take your time with each other.

He’ll make you sit on his face, and when you try to return the favor, he just stops you because “don’t worry about it. We have all day, love.”

And the whole day is just bathed in this ethereal golden glow while he draws countless moans and sighs out of you.

He’s also gonna kiss everywhere on your body, especially your bump.

He knows that body insecurities can come with pregnancy, but he wants to quiet those fears before they even have the chance to develop.

It’s literally all about you. It’s so fucking sweet, and this dork is just wonderful.

OMG, but your kid 100% has his lil dimples. K thx byee.

[phoenixyfriend]

De-Aging Akatsuki feat. Team Taka, Indra, Ashura

I’ve vaguely talked about this before but it’s taking up so much space in the pinned post that I figured I should probably make a Concept Post so I can just link it the way I do the rest.

HERE WE GO.

As per usual, this was like 40% @firebirdeternal​.

One day, half of the Akatsuki wake up and go “Huh. We are now much younger than we were yesterday.”

The other half wake up and go “This is not where I was yesterday (which is really twenty years ago, but I do not know that). I shall scream.”

The cause: Ashura and Indra got drunk on Ghost Booze and went “hey, what if we just fucked with Uncle Zetsu’s plans so much that we delayed this entire mess, that would be hilarious, right?”

They then woke up the next morning and went “shit, did we just turn a bunch of international terrorists into children? Shit. SHIT.”

“Dad’s gonna be PISSED.”

Ashura and Indra technically achieved the goal of ‘fuck with Zetsu’s plans enough to delay Kaguya’s return’ but they don’t. Have a plan. For how to fix anything.

Kakuzu is responsible for keeping everything as a whole running, partly because ‘de-aged’ for him means dropping from the age of ninety-ish to forty-ish and nobody can even tell because he’s a living eldritch abomination. Kakuzu went from ‘old’ to ‘slightly less old.’

(Most of the fic is just him being an extremely unhappy babysitter who is mentally tallying up how much money he's going to charge these fuckers once they fix this.)

Half of them have amnesia and the other half are uhhhhhhhhhh useless.

Deidara remembers but is literally a toddler and screams every time Itachi tries to hold him. He has tiny chubby baby hands. There are mouths in those hands, sure, but he’s baby.

Sasori is physically a teenager, which would normally put him at semi-useful, except he’s 900% overwhelmed by every sense except sight.

Hidan, physically six, got arrested at the mall, and Kakuzu’s not bailing him out. Hidan remembers everything but is a font of bad decisions. Mostly I didn’t want to brainstorm what he’s doing so I figured I could just toss him in jail for trying to kill people in public.

Kisame is largely responsible for everyone that is either amnesiac or physically under the age of ten, because Kisame is... idk physically twelve? But he doesn’t have amnesia and he’s not dying of sensation like Sasori, so whoop-de-doo, you’re in charge! Kind of.

Zetsu is the only one completely unaffected, and is going after Orochimaru because he’s convinced it’s the snake’s fault (it’s not).

Zetsu is still Literally Old As Dirt

Zetsu is Sir Not Invited To This Party

Itachi and Obito don’t remember jackshit. Itachi is like Six. Obito is... fourteen? IDK. Post-Kannabi, pre-Rin.

The Ame trio are probably alive, or at least Nagato doesn’t have the pilot-a-corpse piercings so it’s ACTUALLY him and Konan walking around, and also do not remember jackshit. Puts them at 15 or so? Like. Mid-Jiraiya.

I’m erring on the side of all three being alive because I like any opportunity for Yahiko to be like “Dude, what the FUCK did you do when I died? Bro. This is kinda fucked up.”

On the other hand "Nagato, why do you have so many piercings? Why are you piloting Yahiko like--" "I DON'T KNOW."

Zetsu and Kakuzu: I don't know how but this is probably Orochimaru's fault.

Kakuzu wants to go hunt Orochimaru down himself but sends Zetsu instead because somebody needs to keep an eye on this mess

He can't just leave the kids unattended, he tries and they immediately got into the murder implements and those are expensive.

Kakuzu doesn't mind not being his own age again--dropping forty years just means his bones are slightly less creaky, and even that's not much because he's like 83% tentacles anyway--but the toddlers are annoying and MOST OF THE TEAM doesn't even remember being in Akatsuki? It's like Kakuzu and Sasori and Kisame that both have their memories AND the capability to Do Things, and Sasori barely counts. Even Pein and Konan don't remember. TOBI doesn't remember. Kakuzu’s ready to kill something.

“Orochimaru this is clearly your fault, if you were that desperate for more kids then just kidnap them like a normal nukenin, don't de-age these fuckers, do you know how ANNOYING it is?”

PSYCH it’s not

(It’s chakra ghosts.)

Sasori, Obito, and Itachi all arguing over who gets to Take Care Of Deidara.

Sasori because this is HIS dumbass partner, Obito because he's not sure WHY but he feels like this blonde toddler is a FRIEND, and Itachi because Surrogate Little Sibling.

Sasori 100% keeps forgetting to breathe on occasion because What Are Lungs Again?

Hidan is only mentioned in brief passing from TV news segments in the background about a 6 year old who attempted to shiv a police officer.

Like, he went missing and nobody gave a single shit. He can't die anyways, and being a smol has not IMPROVED his already lacking self control, let him be someone else's problem for a while.

Kakuzu's just like "Meh, he'll be fine." "Shouldn't we go find him?" "No. No we should not." "But--" "Kisame. No. Please let me NOT deal with that specific mess until I handle ALL OF THE OTHER MESSES."

"I'm pretty sure he's still immortal, he wouldn't be ranting about Jashin and stabbing people from that close if he WASN'T so just let him get it out of his system." "This--this isn't a TEMPER TANTRUM, he's trying--mostly failing--to slaughter an entire mall. Like. In the middle of Amegakure." "Let the Jounin handle it. Not my problem." "IT WILL BE ONCE PEIN REMEMBERS HE'S IN CHARGE OF YOU AND GETS PISSED THAT YOU LET HIDAN KILL HIS PEOPLE. AME IS OFF LIMITS, OH MY GOD, YOU KNOW THIS."

He keeps trying to murder people? But keeps forgetting he weighs less than a bag of cat food right now and so mostly just shanks ankles and then gets picked up and put in time out.

Time-out is jail.

That's the main reason Kakuzu is content to let the Ame Jounin handle it. They keep tossing this literal child into prison and trying to contact God And His Angel for like. Advice? Because this is weird? “We have an immortal six-year-old in custody and he keeps ranting about a Heretical Deity--because Pein is the true god--and also he kind of looks like one of those S-rank nukenin we're all supposed to ignore if we see them around?”

tbh they keep getting distracted by how Itachi and Obito are insistent on helping take care of baby Dei, who has to be gumming on a teething ring because that’s adorable and also really embarrassing.

Itachi is five years old and incredibly creepy and keeps following around after Obito because Family? He is family, yes? And also insisting on holding Deidara because if Itachi can't take care of bb Sasuke then he's going to find the closest Tiny Thing and hold them.

Obito is like. Just pre-Rin incident. He can walk and stuff but his body is half Hashirama cells and he's covered in scars but he is so amped to see Itachi and Make Friends and hi Yahiko is The Coolest Ever?

He's now running around being an incredibly Naruto older sibling to all the tiny murderers who are smaller than him. Obito is in a certain amount of pain but he is VERY HAPPY that he has, like, company that isn't A Decrepit And Megalomaniacal Uchiha Elder and Creepy Zetsu Clones. (Zetsu himself is very frustrated by this and cannot show it.)

Obito puts Deidara on his knee and bounces him and Deidara doesn't have the muscle control to TALK but he's internally seething like What the fuck? You're tolerable? Why aren't you this tolerable when I'm a Grown-Ass Adult?

Deidara retains his full personality but is also a lumpy potato and cannot express any of it.

Additional running gag: Baby Deidara keeps trying to make things blow up and keeps getting stopped by safety-conscious Obito who babyproofed the hideout. Obito doesn't realize AT ALL that Deidara is upset for "I want to blow shit up" reasons and not "I want to touch the pretty thing" reasons.

Itachi would absolutely find a Bingo Book that people are trying to keep away from The Members That Don't Remember. He finds his own entry. I’m not sure what he does about it. He’s five, so probably he goes to Obito and cries on him a bunch.

Obito has Mangekyo and has NO IDEA how he got it. - He sinks through the floor by accident at one point because nobody, like, thought to warn him that was a thing that could happen

"Hey guys, does anyone know why there's like hundreds of unconscious, naked, identical men in the basement? Asking for a friend."

Zetsu: Don't worry about it. Kakuzu: What the hell, we should absolutely worry about that, why are there hundreds of naked men in the basement? Are we feeding them? How much of the miscellaneous spending is being wasted on someone's weird harem fantasy?

Honestly though I'm really super enamored with "Itachi is super duper careful with Deidara and is Very Serious about babysitting and Kisame keeps sneaking pictures while Sasori like. Panics."

Sasori isn't used to emotions. Or adrenaline. Or stress hormones. Sasori is having a lot of trouble and not entirely useless, but very, very easily overwhelmed. He doesn't like showers because it's sensory hell but also the only people willing to help him out with the option of a sponge bath are Kisame and Obito and it's just. Hella awkward? Sasori is overwhelmed and spends most of his time asleep because it's Less.

He went from almost no bodily reactions straight back into puberty, he can't control this crap at all. He’s also trying to figure out if he has, like, allergies?

Itachi: I want to hold the baby. Deidara, the baby: [screams]

If Deidara is held by Obito or Itachi, he's screaming. Deidara is happiest with Sasori, will put up with the Ame trio or Kisame, but he Does Not Like the Uchiha, which is a pity because both of them love babysitting.

Deidara does eventually calm down a bit because neither of them actually REMEMBER pissing him off and also Itachi's like. Super? Sweet? In a creepy-little-fucker way, but.

Nagato takes the time to tell Kakuzu that there are ghosts following them all, actually, and their names are Indra and Ashura and they’re really sorry about this but they got drunk on Ghost Sake and accidentally turned all his teammates into babies, whoops, sorry about that, they can totally pay you back later for babysitting the lot of them even though they’re dead and have been for centuries, yeah?

Indra and Ashura do not have access to Money but they also don’t know how to fix this and need somebody to look after a problem that’s technically their fault.

Might be a little “Ghost of Christmas Past” or whatever.

Kakuzu turns around and it's like Hi this is Indra and Ashura they're here to tell you that if you don't kill Uncle Zetsu for them they're going to keep your entire organization like this forever and also haunt you and no you can't leave

Just Coerce Kakuzu Into Killing Zetsu, It's Fine

(this was not the plan)

(Ashura and Indra are not acknowledging how completely sideways this entire situation has gone)

(WE TOTALLY MEANT TO DO THIS)

"Not only will doing this stop you personally from being annoyed, it'll incidentally save the entire world! On which you live! So there's two selfish motivations for you!"

Indra was probably just like drifting around to follow Itachi because Like Okay I Guess I Care About This Dude And Being Stuck Inside Sasuke's Soul Is Depressing

(Itachi's life is also depressing but like a DIFFERENT kind of depressing so at least he's less bored)

Ashura was following Indra because sometimes you Just Gotta Annoy Your Bro

Indra was complaining about how Itachi used to be So Cute And Innocent even if he was a creepy little fucker and the bros got spirit drunk and next thing you know all of Akatsuki is Baby. Not like Fully Baby, except Deidara

But like Baby

They planned none of this but they SURE ARE GOING TO PRETEND THEY DID Genius Ninja Ghosts who aren't making this up as they go along, no! What gave you that idea?! (Now we know where Naruto/Sasuke get it from)

Ashura: I got drunk and did something ridiculous and TBH it was Indra's fault for leaving me unsupervised Indra: I TURNED AROUND FOR TWO MINUTES Ashura: And if you'd paid any attention to what Hashirama and Naruto were like, or what I myself was like as a child, you'd have noticed that-- Indra: WE'VE BEEN DEAD FOR A THOUSAND YEARS HOW DID YOU EVEN MANAGE THIS

Nagato just goes to Kakuzu like "I am seeing the long-dead. They claim to have caused this entire mess and also that the only way to end the torture is to kill Zetsu." "W-what." "One of them says he was part of Hashirama and can prove it if you need him to. He remembers exactly how you tried to kill him." "What."

Nagato: I see dead people Kakuzu: I'm too old for this shit.

Also Kakuzu: Okay. Okay I can do this. I can kill the plant bastard. How much are you paying me? Ashura: ..... what do you mean how much?! Kakuzu: I don't work for free. Period. Ashura: [starts to moralize at him about the fate of the world] Kakuzu: You don't get it. How Much Indra: [phases under the couch] Ten ryou? Kakuzu: .... that and fix the idiots and you've got yourself a hired killer. Ashura: !?!??

Alternately Indra: I can tell you where to find ancient treasures that a Daimyo might pay out the nose for?

But I like the idea that he's so desperate to fix the others and also kind of does want to save the world since he lives on it, but it's a matter of principle. No Free Work, Ever. And yes that is a hill he is prepared to die on, it's probably the only hill he's prepared to die on

Kakuzu, day one: Killing Zetsu should be easy. Kakuzu, week three: Nagato, I need you to tell these dead people to go fuck themselves, this is impossible

He ends up tallying up all the Zetsus he kills as individual completions of the contract. At ten ryou a piece he estimates that he's going to crack at least a few hundred k off of this job. It's the only thing that keeps him going.

Single Dad Kakuzu Attempting To Assassinate Some Black Goop

Kakuzu: Okay what if I just blow up the entire continent, that'll probably get them all....? Wait fuck, I can't do that, all my investments are on this continent. I need to look into funding some mercantile efforts to find a new continent so I can diversify in case of situations like this in the future.

Indra: I will give you an extra five ryou if you blow up the Gedou Mazou statue. Kakuzu: Then you shouldn't have turned Deidara into a literal infant.

Indra: I will give you an extra ten ryou if you find some way to destroy it anyway. Ashura: I could revert Deidara early? Indra, sotto voce: Have you even figured out how to do that yet? Ashura: Uh. No. I have not.

They are very lucky that Nagato is translating for them.

(A fun possible ending for this scenario is that Kakuzu somehow does manage to kill Zetsu, by subcontracting out the hit to a few additional people (The Heroes Team and works alongside them) and then presents them a bill for several million yen and reverted teammates. Which they then have to admit to being unable to pay.) (Kakuzu now has to figure out if it is possible to kill immortal reincarnating ghosts, because if it is, he's gonna.)

Ashura: I will TOTALLY turn your friends back into adults if you do this for us. Ashura, five minutes later: Indra, help me figure out how to turn these jerks back into Adults.

Sasuke and co. show up to kill Itachi and Kakuzu is just like Great! You're babysitting.

Sasuke: Wait wh-- Kakuzu: You're not getting paid because you broke the door so instead of charging you for repairs, you can watch over your brother. Sasuke: Why would I--WHY IS ITACHI FIVE

Kakuzu becomes Everyone's Annoying Uncle completely by accident.

Because he's determined not to kill any of these people until or unless he figures out how to get paid for this shit, and if either of the two brats (Naruto and Sasuke) dies he'll have no lead at all on how to find the current incarnation of the Ghost Bastards who Stiffed Him.

Juugo: I can't do this. Kisame: Why not? Kids are easy to-- Juugo: I literally cannot do this I will end up accidentally killing a child please lock me up in one of your bijuu-proof rooms I cannot emphasize how necessary this is if you want these babies to survive.

Speaking of Kisame and Juugo: Juugo: I absorb chakra and when I get too full I berserk. Kisame: Oh, is that all? Here pet my sword for a while. Juugo: ...what Kisame: It's a bit pointy but it likes to be stroked, and it'll eat your excess.

It's just a very pointy cat to Juugo.

Suigetsu: Hey, I wanted to collect the swords. Juugo: [is literally cuddling Samehada] Suigetsu: Give me the pointy cat

Juugo ends up being the best babysitter, so long as he gets to swordsit too.

Suigetsu babysitting is that one photo of Chris Hemsworth playing with his kids on the beach and just like. Holding out a toddler by the ankle.

Sasuke is the RDJ kind of childcare like once he parses that this is Baby Itachi Who Has Done Nothing Wrong Ever he's just like Panic Cuddling Nobody Touch Itachi

"Weren't you trying to kill him like five days ago." "SHUT UP HE CAN'T KNOW THAT"

Karin finds Nagato and is just like "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit I think we're related maybe?" He's a teenager probably

Someone wants to seduce Sasori. I'm not sure who. First instinct is Yahiko but he is tragically in love with Konan still.

That said, Suigetsu is very gay and made of bad decisions, so that’s honestly plausible, so long as he doesn’t succeed.

I can see a few people wanting to seduce Sasori, but I honestly feel like his response to all of that would be “ew.” Honestly his response in this specific context is "Get out of my room the noise is giving me a headache"

The only acceptable Noises are "plans to fix this mess" and "Deidara is literally incapable of self-care and has to baby-cry for things like food and nappies." He probably has noise-sensitivity to the sound of his own blood moving around his body, at least for a while.

"I wish Itachi remembered adulthood so he could just cast a genjutsu on Sasori to cut off like 95% of sensation, this would be SO MUCH EASIER if he could."

If Sasori's alive then is Tobi even like. Known to the rest of the organization.

I'm already ignoring canon in favor of "asshole roommates" fanon so It truly Does Not Matter

It's the crack version of Dead Dove Do Not Eat. Like, if someone comes into a story like this expecting Detailed Canon Parallels and Thoroughly Articulated Plot Points Justifying Every Deviation then I don't know what to tell them when they're disappointed

Ashura, repeatedly poking Nagato: Hey hey I need you to do a thing hey Nagato hey buddy dude pal hey hey hey my boy hey Nagato: WHAT Ashura: Can you tell Obito that The Incident with the Sanbi was Zetsu and Madara's fault? Nagato: What incident? Ashura: I can't tell you because if he knows it happened at all then he's gonna go nuts and start killing people, maybe. Nagato: What.

Indra: Madara and Zetsu-ji killed the girl Obito was in love with and Obito went insane and became a supervillain as a result Nagato: What the fuck

Indra: I mean, to be fair, they did the same thing to you? Kind of? Just your best friend instead of your romantic-- Nagato: WHAT THE FUCK

[ladihokabae]

Like literally idk if you missed it or just don’t know how to read! He said it to kakashi while he’s spazing out.

Rin was a just the cherry on top of the pile of shit they had to endure. He was tired of living in a world where things like this could happen.

I MEAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD HE WAS A CHILD SOLDIER!

These babies were literally sent on missions to fight grown ass men while they were 12! And what made it worse is that it was normal! Nobody had an issue.

He really did want to stop the war that was a huge motivation for becoming hokage. Rin was just there helping and supporting him.

Obito openly hated the ninja world for being so cruel and wanted to change that. He hated that you had to purposely step over your friends to get things done. That’s why he hated the way Kakashi was acting in their last mission together. He doesn’t like the idea of leaving a friend behind in order to complete his mission. And that’s where we get this classic quote

But don’t forget he also said and I quote

“If Im going to be called scum either way, I rather break the rules. And if that’s not being a proper shinobi, then I’ll destroy that idea !” - Obito uchiha

YOU SEEE YAH BOY WAS ALREADY TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT HAVING ASS SOCIETY.

He was already not in agreement with many of the ninja society’s rules.

Eventually (with a little help from Madara) Obito realized that the world wasn’t just going to change when he became Hokage. He had to take matters into his own hand and force a change. Even he tells the Hokage at the summit that they should already know that their way of doing things has not been working

That’s why he agreed with Madara. To him that was the ultimate form of peace. He wanted to deliver everyone from hell and give them their own utopia. And if I’m honest what was so wrong with the plan? “Everyone legit got their own version of heaven”. People say that a complete utopia is unattainable because everyone’s version of it is different, but Obito is legit finding a loop hole and giving that to everyone.

And yah he did messed up things along the way I’m not saying he didn’t. It’s just that he didn’t do all of those things just because Rin (the only person who supported him and his dreams) got brutally murdered by Kakashi (the only other person he considered a friend) right in front of him after a year of not seeing either of them.

I mean at some point Obito deserved to go ape shit and I’m glad he did !

Ok there that’s the end of my Ted talk. !

If you agree like and if you don’t agree idc please fuck outta here

[aerugonian]

what are some of your fav kakashi centric fics?? ive never been too into naruto but kakashi??? i love him

You’re in luck because the only Naruto fics I read are Kakashi-centric, lmao. Here are some of my favorites (strap in because this is gonna be long – and I hope you like time travel, because there’s a lot of that here.) Fics are listed in no particular order. 

Just the Usual Habits by Applepie (G / gen / 3.9k words / completed / no warnings)

Sakumo has no idea where all of these habits of Kakashi's are coming from. In which five-year-old Kakashi forgets the existence of his left eye, loses his ability to lie believably, and is a little too knowledgeable about the Birds and Bees. Still, no matter what oddities went on in Kakashi's head, one thing is certain – the boy will always love his father, through thick and thin.

Nukenin by WhisperingDarkness (T / gen / 17k words / completed / no warnings)

In the sealed scroll he finds a Bingo Book – his own page marking him as an S-class nukenin with flee-on-sight orders.

“Ok. That is definitely different.”

In his head he blames Naruto – even if his number one unpredictable student had been nowhere near him on this mission. When things go this stupidly impossibly wrong it must somehow be the future Hokage’s fault.

Once More with Feeling by Chicken_Train_And_Laser_Beam (M / gen / 137k words / wip / violence)

After an unexpected turn on a mission with Team Seven, Kakashi Hatake wakes up in the past, trapped in the body of his thirteen-year-old self. Despite being torn away from his own, familiar world, Kakashi resolves to change the future to better the lives of those he loves. Yet, fate is not so easily mastered, and he's not the only one playing the game.

Reversal of Roles by Ranowa Hikura (T / gen / 112,510 words / completed / violence)

Obito didn't push Kakashi out of the way during the Battle at Kannabi Bridge. This one change eventually leads to Godaime Naruto being sent back in time with the leader of the Akatsuki- Kakashi. They arrive at the day of Naruto's Academy graduation, and Naruto must work with the man he hates the most to stop war from happening. Time travel, AU, Kakanaru friendship.

Branches by Mockingone (T / gen / 55k words / completed / no warnings)

Kakashi falls off a tree and lands in a different world. Literally. Now he's in a dimension where nothing makes sense—but he's used to that. Kakashi plans to wreak as much havoc as he can and find his way home... if he can.

What You Knead by AgentMalkere (G / gen / 38k words / wip / no warnings)

It started, as most things did in Kakashi’s life, with a mission gone wrong.

(In which Kakashi accidentally acquires an emotionally healthy coping technique.)

Ear to the Wall by Vodkassassin (NR / gen / 84k words / wip / chose not to warn)

The Minato-sensei beams at him, and replies, “Kakashi! I’m glad you’re awake,” and, yup, that’s Minato-sensei’s voice.

Kakashi falls back down against the bed, closing his eyes. It’s too short of a way down, and he clenches hands that are too tiny and feeble and not his in dog-print sheets he hasn’t owned for decades.

Wolves of Fire Country by Midnite_Republic (T / Kakashi/Izuna / 51k words / wip / chose not to warn)

Wave changed a lot about Team 7, but not enough to make them entirely functional. Also someone should have really reminded Kakashi to pay attention to that tiny part of his genius brain that recognises random patterns, before he called a rest stop on the way home on top of an old, decayed Uzushio travel seal with an over-chakra-charged Uzumaki.

And he thought the month of the Wave mission was long, now he's stuck with the team, in a place he never expected to have anything to do with, with no way back.

Maybe he should have paid more attention to history, or stayed in the academy long enough to have history classes.

Why we build the wall by Dissenter (NR / gen / 49k words / wip / mcd & violence)

A Kiri nin gets trapped in a cave with a Konoha nin near Kannabi bridge. Some things are inevitable.

Or the AU where Kakashi is born in Kiri but still somehow ends up as team seven's teacher.

Outrunning Karma by Anjelle (T / gen / 52k words / wip / no warnings)

Kakashi was forty-two and the world ended in a sea of smoke and ash. Kakashi was forty-two and there stood a man in the carnage, untouched and unfazed as the village burned around him.

Kakashi is nineteen and the world ends tomorrow, and he will do everything he can to make it right. Even if it means making friends of his enemies. Even if it means erasing everything.

Even if it means staring into the face of all that he hates and smiling.

Kakashi is nineteen and Naruto is five and there is still time. Instead of counting his losses, he'll make the most of it.

komorebi by tomorrowsrain (T / Kakashi/Obito / 80k words / wip / no warnings)

In which Kakashi and Obito survive the Kyuubi attack, get exiled from Konoha, learn how to survive, and still manage to become legends along the way.

(The bratty genin are unexpected, though.)

The Hidden Prodigy by Applepie (T / gen / 106k words / wip / chose not to warn)

Somehow sent back into the past, Kakashi is given a second chance to relive his childhood. He is determined to make the most of everyday and to fix the horrors of the future, but sometimes simple determination is not enough to save everyone.

Change Fills My Time by 100demons (M / gen / 73k words / completed / mcd & violence)

Thirty year old Kakashi was supposed to have been killed by Pein during the Invasion. Instead, he wakes up in the body of his twenty year old self.

(It gets a lot more complicated.)

Nidaime Otokage by DuskBeforeDawn (M / gen / 30k words / wip / violence)

No one knew him.

His father was still alive.

His Sharingan acted like it had always been his.

Kakashi was twenty-two years in the past of a different world.

a heap of details, uncatalogued, illogical by 100demons (T / gen / 8k words / completed / no warnings)

Oh,” she says, white hands clenched into tight fists. “I’m-- I was your student. Haruno Sakura.”

Kakashi tilts his head, gray eye analyzing her carefully for tells. He finds nothing. “I’ve never seen you before in my life,” he says flatly.

(Kakashi wakes up fourteen years old.)

Lost on the road of life by RavenShira (M / gen / 80k words / wip / violence)

Kakashi had everything well in hand. He had stepped down from his reign as Rokudaime Hokage, his porn collection was as well worn as should be and his free time was spend with either Gai's challenges or helping out on various tasks while trying to make it seem like he wasn't there to help out. Annoying the hell out of everyone that crosses his path was as easy as breathing – easier now that he didn't have to be polite and diplomatic about it anymore.

So what if he agreed to a teeny-tiny favour of his once student and now successor? Not even Naruto could mess up just scribbling down a fuinjutsu for Kakashi to check over before he got back to his own, very busy life.

… Right?

Or: The one where Kakashi travels back in time, thinks he can fix stuff but clearly gets in over his head.

What’s the Worst That Can Happen? by Applepie (T / gen / 90k words / wip / no warnings)

Life was going quite well, if you asked Naruto Uzumaki. So why did he have to listen to Kakashi of all people? Now, they've time traveled to the past, smack dab in Minato's era, when the soon-to-be Hokage was sporting a team seven of his own. Let history run its course? Never! Kakashi-centric.

Wanted by Anjelle (T / gen / 17k words / wip / no warnings)

Kakashi is your run-of-the-mill hand for hire, except that he's not. Boasting a spotless record with the skills and name to back it up, he's one of the most highly sought after mercenaries in the Land of Fire. He has just one rule:

No Leaf missions.

Unfortunately, his latest client, Tobi, is looking for just that. And there's no doubt in Tobi's mind that Kakashi will accept.

It's only a matter of time.

-

-

 (and a bonus crossover section!!)

Silver-Haired Stranger by TheSimplestWriter (T / gen / 34k words / wip / violence / ATLA)

Kakashi dies protecting his village fighting against Pein... Except he actually didn't and is now in the middle of a desert. Great. [Kakashi swaps one war for another, but he only wants to get back home. Things happen along the way.]

Copy That, Copycat by Nakashira (G / gen / 19k words / wip / violence / BNHA)

Kakashi Hatake dies the Copycat-nin and is reborn with a copycat quirk.

Everything becomes a disaster, and Monoma is tired.

Wonderboy by Tsume_Yuki (T / gen / 19k words / wip / chose not to warn / BNHA)

Who knew some dimensions had actual child labour laws?

In which Kakashi is reborn, the Hero Commission doesn’t put all their eggs in one Hawks shaped basket and Shouta isn't getting paid enough to deal with this shit.

Otherwise known as Kakashi in 1A.

CCG Public Enemy No 1 by euphoric image (T / gen / 19k words / wip / no warnings / Tokyo Ghoul)

Kakashi had a single red-and-black eye for more than half his life. Now, he has two.

Victory Series by ewfte (T / gen / 96k words / wip / violence / BNHA)

A fact about Todoroki Shouto: that is not his name.

[aurora-nuova]

Rude Love

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Fandom: Naruto  

Universe: Modern AU

Relationships:

Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara (main)

Senju Hashirama/Uzumaki Mito (side)

Characters: Senju Tobirama, Uchiha Madara, Uchiha Izuna, Senju Hashirama, Senju Itama, Uzumaki Mito

@madatobiweek Week 4: There was only one bed OR Not realizing they are already dating

Summary: 

Summer sun, cool waves, a beautiful beach. Nothing could go wrong on this long awaited, blessed holiday to the sea, right? W r o n g!

Madara should’ve just pushed his best friend off of that cliff they had been playing on as kids when he had the chance.

Read on AO3

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Chapter 01: Something new

Madara startled awake with a curse on his lips when a cheering Hashirama‘s elbow hit the pillow his head had been resting upon but momentarily got distracted by a female speaker announcement.

“—and gentleman, as we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position and your seatbelt is securely fastened—”

Ah, apparently it was time for their airplane to land. And surely, looking out of the window confirmed it as no clouds were greeting him. Instead, the ground was rapidly closing in on them. 

Turning his head away from the window, he threw Mito—who was sitting on Hashirama‘s right— a tired but bemused look that she promptly returned when her husband started making quiet hooting noises at the bumpy arrival at their destination.

What a child, he thought fondly as he acknowledged a warm feeling making its way through his body. Though such mushy thoughts were only allowed in the privacy of his mind and were never to be discussed out loud or lest he got made fun of by Izuna or his other siblings.

Looking at his best friend, he sometimes wished he had half as much, well, or maybe only a third of his positivity. At least on his good days.

Though, on second thought, it sounded rather exhausting.

Maybe his slightly more realistic approach to life wasn‘t so bad after all, he mused as said best friend turned around to him with a beaming smile, not even having noticed that he had been the cause of his interrupted sleep in his glee. Returning a sleepy smile, he realized that Hashirama probably was positive enough for both of them. Or rather both of their close families, if he were to be honest.

It still amused him to this day that no sane person would expect this child of a man to be a renowned paediatrician but sometimes people were apparently wrong. Very wrong.

Because jokes aside, fortunately, Hashirama indeed could be serious when his patients and their parents trusted him with the children’s life. And doing so, he tended to them with unmatched enthusiasm and passion.

So all was good, he guessed.

Stretching his stiff muscles through a yawn, he noticed familiar tresses of long, dark hair sticking out from between the gap in the seats in front of him. Zeroing in on it with a wry smile tugging at the corners of his lips, he nimbly stuck his hand through the gap to pull one of the bigger chunks of hair, only to immediately receive a satisfyingly high pitched yelp.

“OUCH! You ass!” Izuna screeched turning his head back around to him and hastily reclaimed all of his hair with a scowl, making Madara huff in amusement.

“Oh please, stop being such a drama quee-” the older of the two started retorting when suddenly his younger brother turned around in his seat somewhat—seatbelt still fastened, making the endeavour pretty awkward looking as he smushed his face between the backrests to make a grab for Madara’s own hair.

“No!” he groused out, leaning away from the squiggly hand. “Stop!”

“Payback‘s a bitch, Nii-san!” the younger Uchiha snarked back, voice muffled by the seat and continued to make grabs for his hair that Madara defended by slapping his grabby hands away.

“Children, please,” Mito‘s exasperated voice suddenly broke through their argument, making both of them stop—Madara crossing his arms while Izuna turned back around and untangled himself from the space between the two seats, arm almost getting stuck in the process.

“I‘m not a child, he is!” Izuna grumbled out as he was facing the right way again, missing the red head‘s amused but quiet laugh.

Wondering why the biggest child of them all hadn‘t joined them in their squabbling and actually kept quiet for once, the Uchiha looked back at Hashirama, noticing that he too had an arm moving, but in the right gap between the seats in front of himself. The Uchiha made a confused sound and nudged the taller man who then looked at him with a questioning smile.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to wake up Tobi and Itama, I saw them asleep when I left for the bathroom a few minutes ago,” the brunette answered with a sunny smile as the Uchiha hummed in acknowledgement as people around them started to get their luggage from the overhead stowage spaces to leave the plane.

Finally exiting the airport‘s sliding doors with their heavy luggage to walk into a metaphorical wall of humidity as the sun tried to roast them alive only made Madara close his eyes in misery. The heat was so much worse than he had anticipated.

Great

To be completely honest, he hadn‘t even wanted to come here in the first place, would have instead preferred a milder, more enjoyable weather for his long-awaited vacation but unfortunately, he had lost in the poll their two families had held to determine what this trip‘s destination would be as everyone except Itama and him had voted for this dreaded hot climate as their travel destination.

Surprisingly even Tobirama—currently dressed in long pants with a long-sleeved sweatshirt‘s hood and a pair of sunglasses covering his face—had wanted to come here.

Whatever, he would make the best of this holiday.

As it was, unfortunately, not all of their siblings had been able to come with them due to scheduling difficulties. However, they had already agreed on another trip in winter when hopefully their schedules would align a bit more smoothly with much more desirable weather, at least for him.

He already looked forward to it.

Something he could live without though, was the planning and scheduling part as arranging things for the six of them had been a logistical nightmare already. What with Itama having to hand his last thesis in the day before while Izuna and Tobirama respectively had to write their exams a few hours before their flight took off.

He himself probably wouldn’t even have been able to take time off on such short notice if his position at work as detective hadn‘t been so high and he himself and his good reputation hadn’t been so well regarded amongst their ranks and—no, he was joking. In reality he still had a few open favours with his boss and promptly used one of them to be able to be here with his family and friends when Hashirama had texted him the booking confirmation.

His boss obviously hadn‘t been too happy. But after Madara had helped out countless of times, sacrificing his free time again and again when needed, raked in so many extra hours, that he had accumulated a lot of those favours. And just to be on the safe side, had tied all loose ends at work in preparation which thankfully had swayed the man to agree in the end.

The Uchiha briefly wondered how Obito and his fellow colleagues were doing before Izuna chatting him up caught his attention.

Next thing he knew, they were leaving their rented cars parked outside an Italian restaurant and taking their seats around a big but crammed table as Hashirama had rejected the friendly personnel’s offer to push two tables together because apparently he wanted to cuddle in this inhumane heat or who knew why tree brain hadn‘t wanted the second table because Madara for sure didn‘t.

Smushed between Izuna and Hashirama, he could already feel the sweat run down his back as he pushed his sunglasses atop his head, tangling up a few strands of hair that he couldn’t care less about at the moment in the process.

“Get anything you want, it‘s on me to celebrate the end of the semester for our three youngest and of course, the start of our amazing holidays together!“ his best friend exclaimed when everyone had received their beverages and toasted all of them, resulting in clinking of glass and various intonations of gratitude amongst them.

After Madara downed his glass in one go and lowered it back on the table with a loud clink, he rummaged through his pockets to find a godforsaken hair tie. His hair was already uncomfortably sticking to the back of his neck. Frowning, he gave up when he came up empty.

Hashirama probably didn‘t have one on hand, as he only tied it for work and Mito used hair pins, which left him with only Izuna who was typing away on one of his social media accounts. Leaning over, he saw a snapshot out of the airplane window.

“Pretty picture.”

Izuna immediately shot him a dubious look.

“Okay. What do you want?” his younger brother asked with an expectant look on his face.

“Can‘t I compliment you without wanting anything?” he asked bemused.

“Oh please,” the other huffed out.

“Alright, whatever. Do you have a hair tie?”

Izuna took a terribly amused look at his horribly mussed up hair. The stupid humidity wasn‘t doing the older Uchiha any favours, making his usually wild hair poof up and stick out in an even crazier mess than usual. He was well aware but the brat didn‘t even try to stifle his derisive snort.

“Yes, but know that this will cost you a third of your dessert,” the little shit haughtily replied as he took a tie out of a bag between them.

“A fifth and you have yourself a deal,” Madara huffed, holding his hand out.

“A fourth and you have to order something I actually like,” Izuna countered, holding out the desired hair tie just out of reach.

“Deal,” he heaved out with a heavy sigh, accepting the cargo and tying up his hair into a messy ponytail, immediate relief flooding him, as the slightly less warm air of the ceiling fan caressed the back of his neck. Much better.

Madara shot his greedy brother and his mostly immaculate hair an annoyed look, when the other happily turned back to continue typing away on his smartphone.

He would need to steal whatever the little shit had used to wrestle his own mane into submission out of his luggage and use it on his hair tomorrow when the other inevitably would still be snoozing away the morning, since he liked to sleep in.

They had the same hair structure, after all, but he wasn‘t willing to pay the unreasonably high price his sibling surely would come up with as soon as he asked him about the product he must‘ve been using to tame their family brand of crazy hair.

Under no circumstances would he walk around like some caveman after today, though.

Right now everyone was still tired and mussed up from their flight, even elegant Mito, so his crazier than usual hair wouldn‘t be noticed too badly.

But starting tomorrow, that excuse wouldn‘t fly anymore, as everyone would attempt to look presentable for the undoubtedly many pictures Hashirama and Izuna would take in the span of their holidays. And seriously, latter didn‘t need even more blackmailing material, as he already had more than enough of that stowed away already.

But more importantly, tomorrow Tobirama wouldn‘t be so exhausted anymore that his head would look like it was ready to loll onto the table.

Seriously, the poor guy looked ready to fall off the chair any minute if it weren‘t for Itama on his left, holding him up in an embrace while happily chatting with him and Izuna squished in on his right, forcing him into a somewhat upright position.

The younger Senju seemed way too tired to even notice much today, belatedly reacting to any verbal or physical stimuli as far as he had seen.

In fact, the exhausted albino probably couldn’t wait until they finished their food and finally drove to the hotel so he could catch up on all of that lost sleep tonight. However, that also meant that the albino‘s sharp eyes would be scrutinizing and analyzing everyone and everything starting with tomorrow, so he needed to look presentable if not a bit nicer than usual at least.

Feeling eyes bore into the side of his head, he inwardly startled at being caught staring, as his eyes slid back over to Izuna who was wiggling his eyebrows and pursing his lips at him in an imitation of a kiss.

“Shut up!” he quietly hissed and shoved at him, hoping no one had noticed the idiot.

“But I‘m not saying anything!” the brat cackled, as he bumped into an unresponsive Tobirama next to him, subsequently rattling Itama who shot them a quick bemused but confused look.

“Just stop it, you ass,” he grumbled out, refraining from hitting his younger brother upside the head to avoid any additional spotlight from the chatting couple by his side to keep the cause of the start of the situation under wraps.

There was no need for Izuna to spout lies about him ogling the light haired man like he had a crush on him or something similarly stupid. Definitely lies. Shut up.

He avoided looking in the albino‘s direction for the rest of their duration at the restaurant, even when Izuna stole more than a fourth of his dessert.

But apparently things were still going too smoothly and the universe wanted to punish him for whatever sins he had accumulated over his life at once because right before they entered their hotel to check in, Hashirama abruptly planted his feet on the searing hot concrete under a palm tree and waved them over.

Oh god, what would this be about?

Judging by the massive grin on his face, it couldn‘t be anything good.

When everyone was situated around him, Hashirama clapped his hands.

“Alright, since we always, well, almost! Since we almost always do the same room distributions, I came up with an idea this time,” he revealed giddily.

“Wait, what?” Madara exclaimed confused as the taller man started rummaging in his pant pocket.

“We‘re drawing straws!“ the idiot exclaimed joyously as he held out a fist of sticks, receiving mixed reactions from everyone around him.

“Please tell me you‘re not serious?“ the oldest Uchiha replied with a sinking feeling.

“Why not?“

“Mito, your wife, is the only female in this group?“ he tried reasoning to no avail.

“Oh yes, that‘s why we‘re sharing a room!“ the stupid tree answered him cheerfully.

And it was that moment that Madara actually took a look at the sticks in his hand and noticed that there were only four of them. Opening his mouth, Hashirama immediately interrupted him.

“Because we booked on such short notice, they only had one room with two single beds, the other two are double beds. Mito and I will take one of those but there‘s still the question of who will get the other two rooms each,“ the older Senju explained with a smile.

“Still, it doesn‘t make any sense why we should draw lots in the first place. I don’t care in what kind of bed I sleep in with Izuna,“ Madara said scowling as he crossed his arms.

“But Itama and Izuna want to try something new and right now you’re the only one not agreeing,” the brunette said pouting.

“You didn’t even give me a heads up— Wait, what? Since when does snowflake agree to your stupid ideas?” he asked, throwing the two Senju brothers in question a confused look. One of them half asleep and not even listening, the other one pouting down at him.

After all, out of the siblings Tobirama was the only one stopping Hashirama’s mischief on a daily basis when things looked like they would get out of hand while the two younger ones loved to indulge in their eldest brother’s silly antics.

“Anija asked him on our way to the airport,” Itama helpfully supplied, the corners of his mouth twitching.

“Do you really think that‘s fair? Snowflake has been closer to a walking zombie than a human being!“ he groused out, scowl intensifying.

Tobirama very belatedly pursed his lips in a pout and softly furrowed his brows but didn‘t react any further, making the older Uchiha feel all sorts of fuzzy and mushy things. God no. Trying to not show any emotion besides annoyance on his face was getting harder by the second.

“No offence, but that’s a very underhanded tactic for you, Hashirama. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days,” the older Uchiha accused to hammer in his point.

“But that’s the only way he agreed for once,” the older man admitted with a chuckle.

He zeroed in on Izuna when he too chuckled.

“And since when do you like trying out new things?” Madara accused his sibling.

“Excuse you! I try new things all the time and you would know that if you followed my social media accounts like you said you would!” the younger Uchiha answered scandalized with furrowed brows.

The older Uchiha groaned. Not this again.

“Is it too much to want some fun on this vacation?” Hashirama asked with one of his better renditions of a puppy look directed at him while Tobirama slinked off to sit down next to Mito on a bench not far from them.

Huffing, he shuffled his feet, looking around and tried to think of a way out of this.

Izuna would be his best bet of course. But if he had to share a room with Itama, things would probably get awkward pretty fast as they never had spent time on their own until now. However, Tobirama would be an even worse pick. Not because he had anything against the younger man but because of other things that he didn’t want to think about at the moment.

No, he wouldn’t play Hashirama’s stupid games this time. Why should he? Especially when his idiotic friend easily had taken himself out of the equation. Unfair. He was here to relax and enjoy himself.

Having decided against his best friend’s plea, he looked back to said friend only to freeze at the triumphant look on his face.

Oh no.

“What?”

“Have you forgotten? You owe me!” the idiot exclaimed with a wry grin.

Now it was his turn to furrow his eyebrows in incomprehension.

“You lost that bet at our last poker evening weeks ago,” the tan man replied giddily.

Madara’s eyes widened. He was right but he wouldn’t, would he?

“Are you seriously going to waste it on something like that? Hashirama, you wouldn’t, right?” he asked, rubbing his forehead to soothe his growing headache with a grimace.

He knew he was doomed, when three grinning faces met his.

“I absolutely would and I am henceforth officially claiming the favour you owe me!” the childish tree trunk of a man exclaimed laughing in glee, hands on his hips.

Suppressing another groan, Madara felt more sweat trickle down his back. Honestly, he could’ve done worse, he guessed. Hashirama could’ve used the favour to send him off to do much more horrible or embarrassing things. This was absolutely not ideal but whatever. What were the odds of him having to share a room with Tobirama, after all? Two to one against it, not bad at all. And he surely could make it work with Itama, too.

Being already fed up with the situation and the sun searing what felt like holes into his back, he decided that he didn’t care anymore as long as they could go inside soon. Preferably right this instant.

“Fine,” he conceded defeated, receiving surprised looks at his unusually short lived refusal and hooting from Hashirama.

“Alright, youngest first! There’s two short and two long ones,” the excited man exclaimed, holding out his hand with the sticks to Itama after he had shuffled them behind his back. “Don’t reveal them until everyone has a stick!”

When it finally was Madara’s turn, he didn’t have much choice but to accept the remaining stick as the oldest of the four.

“Reveal your sticks on the count of three! One, two, three!” Hashirama exclaimed excited.

Madara blanched when all of them unfurled their fists to showcase each of their picks. Had he seriously ended up with one of the short sticks? Wait, if the other two had the two long ones, that meant that Tobirama and he—

Hashirama clapped him on the shoulder with a huff of laughter.

“Looks like you and Tobi share a room!”

“Wha—”

“Okay, now I need those back and the winner team picks one of two to decide who the winner of the room with the two single beds is,” the older Senju exclaimed.

When Itama picked the longer stick, Madara despaired internally.

How could his luck be this bad? Had he seriously just lost two times in a row? Also wasn’t the looser supposed to get to pick first and—

Wait.

Oh no.

His eyes widened and he paled even more when suddenly the realization hit him that he had to share a double bed with his cru- Tobirama for the upcoming two weeks here.

He was doomed.

Suddenly he didn’t even feel warm anymore.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

If Lily and Lenin had a child what do you suppose it would look like? (I'm very much looking forward to seeing the Egg from "Wearing the faces of men" hatch) Would Lenin even want to have children? Or would it be an Oopise? PS: I ship those two so much, you literally have no idea. I really hope that your main work has a happy ending (because I'm a basic bitch) but I would honestly just love reading it however it ends

Isn’t that the question of the hour?

So, first things first. It’s funny that you bring up the Lily/Lenin children scenario because for most of the other pairings I’ve written Lee/Lily with I have a very good idea of what this kids look like/their personalities/etc. 

Lee and Minato, a daughter named either Naruto or Hari depending if Kushina’s in the picture, because neither of them have any imagination. Looks and acts a lot like Minato, has Lee’s hair texture and some of her facial features.

Lee and Obito, well, for reasons called potential spoilers for “Finishing the Hat” I won’t get into it, but take my word for it that I know what the children are like almost embarrassingly well. 

Lily and Wizard Lenin though, honestly, that’s for some reason harder for me to picture and I can’t quite explain why. And it’s not the pairing, clearly, they’re the main deal in “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus”, they’re just hard to picture. But let’s try, it’ll be an adventure for all of us.

First, the easier question, does Wizard Lenin want children? No. First, being immortal, he has a) no need for a legacy/immortality in the form of children and b) he’s guaranteed to outlive said children unless they pull some seriously gnarly shit. I think having an heir would be the most compelling argument but since he intends to live and rule the world forever what’s the point of that? It’d just give everyone the wrong idea. Worse, the kid might get the wrong idea and try to kill him to take the throne. And then there’d have to be an execution and it’d all get very messy. 

More than that though, he would completely panic at the idea of fatherhood. He never had any family of his own, basically raised himself (and did a craptastic job at that), and has no idea what good fathers even do. More, he knows exactly how difficult he was as a child and teenager (especially since being forced to confront Wizard Trotsky). The idea of having to deal with a young Tom Riddle himself? He’d probably laugh and then he’d cry. 

Then of course, while Wizard Lenin is above such things as attachment to other human beings, I think he’d recognize that having this squishy, mortal thing, that will inevitably die while he reigns the cosmos would be really depressing. And if they have kids you’d get this long line of descendants to which Wizard Lenin is this weird ageless god uncle. Can you imagine those family reunions? Yikes.

So children for Wizard Lenin would definitely be an “oopsie”. An “oopsie” likely involving a copious amount of alcohol, suppressed feelings, and a much older Lily.

I picture maybe fifty or sixty years in the hypothetical future where everything goes Wizard Lenin’s way and he and Lily get over their current tiff. Wizard Lenin’s still ageless and Lily’s now a creepy adult who’s stopped aging and looks like an elf from Lord of the Rings. He’s been ruling forever, it’s boring, all his original followers are dead and his second generation followers (i.e. Draco Malfoy) are old men, and now becoming a Death Eater is a prestigious competitive ridiculous thing for eager eyed youngsters. Lily wanders the world/cosmos, is on speed dial but tries not to make messes too often for Wizard Lenin (which is hard because he now rules everything), and is desperately trying to keep busy despite the fact that she has nothing to do. Lily’s his pretty much wife except he’s never married her because god emperors don’t need wives (unless, of course, he got tired of people trying to get him to marry wizarding nobility and he just couldn’t take it anymore). They reminisce about the good old days, Wizard Lenin probably confess that it was a lot more fun chasing the car than actually reaching the car, Lily probably talks about all the traumatizing adventures she’s had with robots, alcohol gets involved, then unprotected sex then, SURPRISE!

But anyways, right, what the children look like.

First, we have the “what the fuck” option that always must be considered when mating with a god. Lily could give birth to herself in a very traumatizing experience for both her and Wizard Lenin. It could be just a giant ball of mysterious light. It could be Rabbit. It could be some mysterious green eyed shadow blob that eats children. It could just be a regular mysterious blob. It could be The Key/Dawn Summers and look/act like a perfectly normal child until Wizard Lenin discovers it’s actually something so horrifying and inhuman it’s been disguised as a human child by monks with too much time on their hands.

But let’s take this a little more seriously/get to what you were probably asking me for. Though the “what the fuck” option is always a hilarious one to consider. 

So appearance, the hair’s probably going to take after Wizard Lenin’s in color just because of how genetics work. They could have anywhere from auburn to black hair. I’m going to go with auburn because I enjoy red. It’s probably thick and probably curly. 

Eyes are probably going to be anywhere from green to blue but more likely to be blue for similar reasons. 

Since Wizard Lenin and Lily are both ungodly pale creatures the kids, sadly, will not be able to tan. However, being Wizard Lenin’s children and the heirs to his empire, they’re probably not allowed to do anything so pedantic as tan. 

My first thought was that any kid should not be good looking. They should have all the right bone structure, thick eyelashes, hair, etc. to be good looking but too much of Lily’s intrinsic weird seeps in and you just get these kids who look like they should have walked out of “Children of the Corn”. 

But since I promised we’d stray from the “what the fuck” option they’d likely be very good looking kids. Wizard Lenin’s gorgeous and I always imagine Lily grows up to be a very attractive adult.

But descriptions are boring, I can doodle.

Let’s say that the “oopsie” produces a set of twins. 

First, we have the daughter, who clearly takes a lot after Lily both in appearance and personality.

Likely, when Wizard Lenin got over his existential/fatherhood crisis he and Lily bickered for months over names. Both are convinced the other is terrible at naming children. Both of them are right.

In the end I imagine they flip coins for who gets the middle name vs. first name.

Wizard Lenin wins the coin toss and we get: Mab Luthien Riddle

Mab at first is a plucky young girl but shifts into a moody teenager. Despite being powerful she’s well aware that she has two monolith reputations to live up to: Wizard Lenin and Lily’s. More, she clearly has a role for her to live out and fill and she wants some independence! This causes a lot of teen angst.

She goes from wearing very expensive wizarding robes to whatever the equivalent of hipster is in the distant future. I just stuck her in plaid with shades because I have no imagination. 

She gets sorted into Gryffindor, because anyone who’s willing to be a punk to Wizard Lenin has guts. This, of course, is terrible for everyone. However, especially for Wizard Lenin, because can you imagine him dealing with a teenage daughter?

Second, we have a son, who has the K-pop/Legolas/Sasuke pretty boy good looks that have fourteen year old girls scribbling hearts with their names together in notebooks and writing some seriously bad fanfiction.

Continuing on with the atrocious/nerd name theme we have: Mordred Beren Riddle

He’s a far more sensitive soul, to the point where everyone wonders how the hell he fits into this disaster family/came from two giant assholes. Regardless, he is, he tries his best to please his father and live up to expectations. So he keeps his fancy robes, cries thanks to Wizard Lenin’s mean words, and eventually gets sorted into Hufflepuff.

Thanks to his sensitive nature and good looks he’s the tween heart throb of Hogwarts. His sister is dying.

These are all hypothetical kids of course. If I ever were to write something involving Lily and Wizard Lenin’s kids, I’m not sure it’d be these two that show up (in fact I’m 99% sure it won’t be).

But I hope you guys had as much fun on this brain storming journey as I did.

As for that happy ending in the main story, well, I think it’s happy. Whether the rest of you will agree with me I’ll leave to the end of the story. Whenever we get there.

[raendown]

WIP List Game

So @copyninken decided I needed to play this tag game, the rules of which are that you talk about all your current WIPs. Fucking strap in kids.

(Edit: also tagged by: @bouncyirwin @denilmo and @kunoichi-ume)

I’m not including the abandoned works which I know will never get finished. Also not including the ideas that I would like to write but have not yet actually started a document for. Some of these have titles and some of them just have terrible placeholder names until I actually title them.

Fuck sake I didn’t realize how much time travel I wrote until I compiled all this…

1.       Buff N’ Stuff Chapter three – KakaSaku – Sakura and Gai working out while Kakashi has a small aneurysm in the corner watching his new girlfriend throw around weights.

2.       In Times Of Peace – MadaTobi – Their clans were never at war but brokered peace during Butsuma and Tajima’s reign to avoid the possibility of it in the future. They bind themselves together through an arranged marriage – the marriage of Madara and Tobirama.

3.       Misunderstood Tobirama – IzuTobi – Tobirama has a massive crush on Izuna but the other man despises him because Tobirama is socially inept and even when he’s asking innocent questions he sounds confrontational. Until Izuna overhears a life-changing conversation.

4.       Time Travel Mess – MadaKaka/TobiObi – Kakashi has already been in the past for a few years and fallen in love with Madara when suddenly Obito falls out of the sky as well.

5.       Sick Of This Chapter 4 – MinaKaka – Now out of the hospital, Kakashi adjusts to the idea that Minato actually loves him back. Minato goes a little overboard on the affection.

6.       Time Travel Threesome – KakaTobiObi – Over the course of his life Kakashi continues to accidentally travel back in time at random periods, always straight to Tobirama’s side. It’s only a couple years for Tobirama but it is an entire childhood for Kakashi. He grow up and falls in love with Obito…but also with Tobirama.

7.       Were-Tobi – MadaTobi – The Senju are a clan of shapeshifters, each with their own unique animal form. The Uchiha are hunters, humans who use prayers and hand signs to borrow the power of the gods. An accident between their clans generations ago made them mortals enemies and now Tobirama has been captured by the Uchiha to be kept as Madara’s pet.

8.       A Broken Soul Sequel – MinaKaka – Things are equally awkward as they are beautiful as Minato slowly leaves behind his previous life and learns to accept his current one.

9.       Argumentative – MadaKaka – Madara and Kakashi getting in each other’s faces for the hundredth time, arguing as usual, until Kakashi accidentally reveals a secret in the heat of his anger. Madara discovers that Kakashi isn’t exactly from around here.

10.   Brother Knows Best – MadaTobi – Hashirama really wants his best friend and his brother to get along. And he’s going to make that happen, one way or another.

11.   Clandestine – MadaTobi – They’ve been fucking in secret for so long now and Tobirama is more than aware of exactly what he means to Madara. Or, what he doesn’t mean. There are moments when he thinks Madara might let them become something more but the illusion never lasts. At least, it’s never lasted this long before.

12.   Couples Week – 7 different fics for 7 different days but I won’t spoil those particular surprises.

13.   Dessert For Dinner – MinaKaka – Kakashi only came over for a quick visit. After a slight kitchen mishap he ends up staying for ‘dessert’ as well.

14.   In The Ether – MinaKaka – When Minato sealed himself in to the belly of the Shinigami, not all of him was sealed. As the only living person left bearing the Hiraishin seal of Namikaze Minato, Kakashi is also the unwitting bearer of part of his soul. And now that part is calling to him.

15.   Kakashi Time Travels – No pairing, possibly ObiKaka – Team 7 travel back in time to Kakashi’s childhood, arriving just at the right moment to stop him from killing Rin. Instead, Older Kakashi throws himself in front of the girl who still haunts his nightmares. As the past is changed the future fades, but not before he has a chance to impart a few words of wisdom.

16.   Past Mistakes – MinaKaka – Kakashi travels back in time to the Kyuubi attack. He doesn’t quite make it in time to save Kushina but he has enough time to accept the Kyuubi in to his own body, saving Naruto and Minato both. Young Kakashi is not at all impressed by this older look-alike.

17.   Prank King Tobirama – MadaTobi – No one would ever suspect a man who never laughs as the one behind the rash of pranks around the village. In fact, he’s been doing this for years and no one has ever caught him. When they finally do, they realize he’s been holding back an even juicier secret from the world.

18.   Soulmate Chapter 88 Sequel – MadaKaka – Madara is instantly protective of the one he’s been waiting a century for. Kakashi is young and Madara doesn’t see him romantically – until suddenly the boy isn’t so young anymore and romance has a chance to blossom. Awkwardly.

19.   Shit You’re Not A Cat – MadaTobi – Magic AU in which Madara assumes the giant snow leopard that always hangs around his best friend’s house is just Hashirama’s familiar. That is, until suddenly the cat stops being a cat and starts being a really hot guy.

20.   Time Travel Scars – MadaKaka – Soulmate AU in which scars on your body show up on your soulmate’s as well. Between one day and the next Madara suddenly has a lot more scars than he used to. Kakashi only travelled back to ensure war never happened; he never expected to get any sort of personal reward out of the venture.  

21.   Time Travelling Tobirama – MadaTobi – Near the end of his life Tobirama finally completes a method to travel through time. He uses it to appear before himself in the middle of the battle in which Izuna was killed – but instead he strikes down himself. As the Tobirama of the past chokes on his own blood, the Tobirama of the future whispers of all the evil which was inspired by this one act. Better that he die here. Past Tobirama survives but is now burdened with terrible knowledge and a terrible choice.

And there we are. I’ve shortened the list a lot lately, finishing up a bunch of the smaller projects that were just sitting around waiting for me. Feels good to see the list getting a bit smaller but we all know it’s only going to grow again. >.<

People I would like to see WIP lists from, if they would be willing: @malazuzu22 @purple-possibilities @shiranuigenma @dimancheetoile @bouncyirwin

[peekintoeternity]

(not to oversimplify but-)

them: "oBitO cOuLd'Ve cOmE bAcK"

the literal canon manga:

(fr i know canon didn't handle obito & his turning point very well—even obito fans admit that—but cmon, how do ppl manage to conveniently forget this every time?)

friendly reminder that Madara had been planning this for decades, and Black Zetsu for eons (technically, according to Boruto/databooks, give or take 2000 years).

does anyone seriously think it would've been that easy? that they would've let their precious pawn slip away just like that? when they just found out he was not only sufficiently powerful, but seemingly surpassed their expectations? (kamui remains the most op hax jutsu in the verse lmao. kishi had to nerf obito and keep him from having both his eyes until the very end when he was already severely damaged & exhausted & on the brink of death for a reason.) as if Madara & Black Zetsu wouldn't have planned for every contingency, when they knew they needed their little tool and that he was absolutely crucial for their plan? yknow, the one project they've been dedicating their entire lives of decades (Madara) and eons (BZ) to see through, but which they couldn't complete without a reliable, capable stand-in for Madara, since there were so much still left undone?

(that's actually another potential plothole—Madara did jack shit for decades but sit in a cave???—but the most likely explanation is Madara became constantly drained from having Hashirama's cells because he was actually incompatible, like Danzo—at least before Kabuto messed with his body post-(second-)mortem—the way Nagato was drained & incapacitated by the Rinnegan, though not to the same degree. but knowing Madara and his pride, it's not crazy to believe he would rather rot alone than show himself at not-his-peak. fyi, the only real explanation in canon is he was still suffering from his "injuries" sustained in his battle with Hashirama.)

(not to mention they would've been screwed af if Obito did return to Konoha and blab about their very existence—do we really believe they would've allowed even the chance for any of that? just off the top of my head, the simplest, likeliest contingency is to use the seal to kill Obito or knock him out—so Zetsu can take him back to the cave—if he ever actually thought to go to Konoha; and that's if the cursed seal didn't mess with him psychologically, it likely being imbued with genjutsu-like properties, that trapped him in nothing but despair and hatred.)

so unless we accept that Madara & Black Zetsu are dumb af (and did fuck all even in terms of just planning for decades/eons), we have to accept that Obito never really had a choice.

...and are we really gonna blame the manga for not completely spelling any of this out? are we really saying they simply overestimated the readers' basic extrapolation skills?

(p.s. there's a lot about this post i find problematic, but i at least agree with the absurdity of character-bashing itachi, a literal child who was manipulated by people in power, so, excuse me for derailing the topic)

I posted this on Reddit. Now here.

I've gotten the impression that a lot here either genuinely think Itachi killed his clan for fun or didnt care what he was doing or they just desperately want to believe there was a better option. And I see that as them being very hypocritical, because a lot of the same people sympathize with Obito. When Obito was not exactly forced, yeah he got "taken/found" by Madara and yeah Madara caused the death of Rin, but Obito had the choice to either go home or return to Madara, he chose Madara. Whereas Itachi was forced to make a descion. One that he should not have made and should not have ever been put in the position of making. Every option present would have terrible out comes.

Kill Danzo isn't really an option. This wouldn't work because Danzo had Izanagi and could use that to "come back", after which he would realize Itachi was against him and he'd have his men attack the Uchiha themselves including Sasuke. Which could either end in deaths of all Uchiha, or the Uchiha would be able to fight back and more people could get caught in the crossfire. Even if he had been able to use Kotoamatsukami on him, it's likely Danzo had planned for that and ordered his men to handle the situation if they suspect his views had changed all of a sudden.

The real options.

1. Kill all Uchiha sparing only Sasuke, and he himself is branded a traitor and criminal while the Uchiha name is protected and word of the Coup never gets out.

2. Kill only those directly involved and risk the rest becoming like Obito or Sasuke or Madara, and attacking the village to avenge their clan, which would lead to them being killed regardless.

3. Kill no one and let the Coup happen, the Uchiha & Konoha go to war with each other and multiple people on both sides - including innocent civilians - will be killed. Enemy nations would take advantage of what is going on and attack, causing more deaths. And the surviving Uchiha would all either be arrested, ostracized and/or exiled for the coup, whether they were apart of it or just had bad luck of being in the same clan.

4. Kill no one and instead let Danzo and the Root take care of it. Sasuke dies as well. And Itachi either dies too, or is framed for it anyways.

Every single option sucks. But option 1 cost the least amount of lives.

And some think he could have done it but not manipulate Sasuke into hating him, while I don't condone his methods it wasn't without reason. Danzo had no way of knowing that Itachi would use Tsukiyomi on Sasuke or that he'd tell him he had killed them all, yet as soon as it was done Danzo immediately threw him under the bus and acted like he did it solely of his own freewill because he hated them. Even if he had wanted to, the option to make it seem like an unknown outside force had attacked and Itachi and Sasuke were the sole survivors, Danzo would not have let that. He wanted Sasuke to only hate him for it because he didn't want his brother to ever think bad about their clan and ruin his memory of them, and he wanted him to have a place he could call home and knowing the Konoha part of that would ruin it. And I don't agree with Itachi saying that maybe Sasuke back then could have changed their father's mind. On one hand, Danzo wanted them dead at all cost and would kill them regardless. On the other, if a 12/13 year old is too young to be put in that position then surely a 7/8 year old would be as well. He also wanted Sasuke to be the one to kill him to make Sasuke a hero who avenged the fallen clan.

And as long as he was in the Akatsuki, they were not allowed to make any direct attacks to the village itself. Which may seem like it didn't make much difference because soon after he was gone, they attacked and the result was devastating. But if they had attacked the village sooner like a lot sooner, who's to say there would have been a Naruto who could successfully change Nagato.

There was zero option where the Uchiha would survive ,or survive and be safe/ok. No matter which choice, they would have paid dearly.

I don't agree with what he did. But despite popular opinion on this sub (from what ive seen and i havent been here long) he did not do it for fun and he did care and was traumatized, and more importantly he is not solely to blame. Fugaku, Obito and Danzo are all way more to blame than him.

[raendown]

Pairing: ObitoKakashi Word count: 3048 Summary: Kakashi's style of communication leaves a lot to be desired. It also leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation. (Read: Kakashi can't flirt for shit)

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

Speaking Clearly

In Obito’s defense, any person in their right minds wouldn’t have taken it as a compliment. All he could be blamed for was momentarily forgetting that Kakashi was not actually in his right mind. Ever. He was ten and the other boy was coming up on nine and most of their interactions tended to end loudly with frequent violence.

“You’re not totally useless,” Kakashi mumbled after he had beaten the older boy in the fourth spar in a row. Obito puffed up indignantly.

“What’s that supposed to mean!”

“It means you’re not a complete idiot; you have at least some use.”

“Hey screw you too, Bakashi!” Obito hitched up the sleeves of his jacket, ready to go in for round five.

He was confused when Kakashi threw both hands in the air with a grumpy mutter of, “Ugh! Never mind!” When his teammate stormed off all he could do was tilt his head to one side and blink in confusion. Kakashi was weird sometimes but Obito could usually tell what he’d done to piss the guy off. This time he had no idea.

*

Two years didn’t really change much between the two of them except perhaps add a little bit of distance and some new things to tease each other about. Kakashi made fun of Obito for constantly outgrowing his clothes and leaving his limbs hanging out. Obito retaliated by making fun of Kakashi’s lack of any growth spurts, leaving him forever the shortest on their team. Minato-sensei did his best to put out the fires that sprang up as they constantly rubbed each other the wrong way.

It was at twelve years old that Obito hit a milestone all shinobi must but few enjoy: his first kill. Only years later would he own up to the fact that it had actually been an accident. Really he had tripped and twisted himself as he fell, rather than executing a backwards roll to avoid a blow as it might have looked to the others. As his body went back and the enemy came forward, Obito’s arm came across at just the right angle to open the woman’s throat. He caught her look of dismayed shock for a split second before arterial spray covered the lenses of his goggles and he was left staring wide-eyed as a splatter of blood.

Rin was the one to lend him a handkerchief so he could shakily wipe the mess of his face. Minato-sensei rubbed his back and asked him in a steady voice if he was alright. It was nice to be treated so gently in that moment because Obito felt a little like glass that had cracked, weakened all over with the possibility of shattering at just the wrong touch.

“Well. Apparently your goggles are good for something after all.”

“Kakashi!” Minato-sensei clicked his tongue. “Now is not the time.”

“What? I was just saying–”

“Don’t be so mean, Kakashi!” Rin jumped in to defend her friend as well, adding her tsk to their sensei’s.

“I wasn’t!” Kakashi protested.

Rin only shook her head and gave him an exasperated look of disappointment. Kakashi growled in frustration and stormed off to throw himself down on the ground at the far edge of the clearing. No force on earth could get him to admit it but anyone could see that he was pouting. However, none of his teammates paid him the slightest bit of attention as Rin and Minato tended to the quivering Obito – and therefore none of them managed to see the way Kakashi craned his neck to see if their efforts were working.

*

Thirteen years of age brought Obito two things, a new appreciation for life and a friend he hadn’t even known he already had.

No one was sure which was the bigger miracle: that Kakashi managed to adapt so quickly to having a Sharingan implanted in his head or that the medical staff were able to repair Obito’s body enough that he would regain full function of all four limbs. Of course, he would live the rest of his life with horrific scaring over nearly 50% of his body, but even he agreed that it was a small price to pay for the ability to continue on with the path he had chosen in life. His career as a shinobi would be slowed only by his recovery time.

Jaws had dropped all across the village as the story spread about how Kakashi and Obito had both tried to sacrifice their lives for the other, especially whenever they were spotted around town bickering just the same as they always had. Despite the fact that Kakashi appeared glued to Obito’s side as he slowly stumped around on his crutches, and although they had both acknowledged the other as a true friend at last, that didn’t mean that either of them had magically changed personalities overnight.

“You got something to say about my face!?” Obito growled at his friend one day after Kakashi had stared at him for much too long in silence. Not intimidated in the slightest, Kakashi huffed.

“Hn. You got some of it in my face.”

“Maybe I’ll just take that eye back then!”

“Just try it, Stumpy!”

Obito hollered and leaned on his good leg so he could lift his crutches to swing them at Kakashi’s head. The younger boy simply skipped nimbly out of the way and snorted in amusement. A more childish person his age would have danced around to taunt the other boy, showing off his mobility, but Kakashi had been striving to be seen as more adult since he was five years old and thought of himself as above that sort of behavior.

So instead he simply stuck his nose in the air, trying not to be obvious about the careful tilt of his head which allowed him to still keep his one eye cracked open so he could keep a watch on Obito.

“Whatever,” he shrugged. “You don’t look at all that different to me so its fine, isn’t it?” The older boy flared and waved his crutches even more wildly.

“Are you trying to say I was already ugly before I got these scars? Stupid Bakashi! Why do you have to be so mean! I’m injured; you’re supposed to be nice to injured people!”

“That – I didn’t say that!”

Obito wasn’t listening. He continued to yell and gripe even long after Kakashi had dropped his face in to his hands with exasperation and hurried to walk ahead of his friend, out of hitting range. By the time they arrived at the dango stall where they were supposed to be meeting Rin both of them were scowling and she wondered what they could have possibly fought about in the three minute walk between here and the hospital.

*

At the ripe old age of fifteen years old Uchiha Obito achieved something that many in his clan had often told him would likely be impossible: he had achieved the rank of jōnin. With the war over field promotions had become less common and he’d had to take the exam like everyone else. Last year he had failed the psychological component but this year was different. This was the year that he made people look at him with respect.

Obito preened and blushed for the entire first hour of the surprise party his friends threw for him, thinking to himself that he couldn’t possibly imagine a single way for his night to get better. His own sensei, now the Hokage, had been the one to bestow him with his new rank. His former classmates, now trusted comrades, were all gathered around him at his favorite BBQ restaurant. Rin sat on his right side and Kakashi on his left, both of their thighs pressed tightly to his own as though if they only squished hard enough the three of them could become one single person. What more could a guy wish for?

For some reason, however, his own accomplishment was not what was on his mind now. Dinner had been finished a while ago and around the table there were several people just finishing dessert. Small groups held different conversations but Obito wasn’t contributing to any of them and neither was the younger boy to his left. Strangely, it was Kakashi that was on his mind.

It was something that he had begun to notice only a few months after the incident at Kannabi Bridge and still persisted to this day. Kakashi, he had noticed, only ever sat on Obito’s left side. He wouldn’t really have thought it odd were it anyone else; with his left eye missing, it was common for a lot of people to instinctively place themselves in his blind spot. That was what comrades did. The only trouble was that Kakashi kept his left eyes covered as well to reduce the chakra drain from the implanted Sharingan and standing on that side left himself at a disadvantage as well. It would have been safer for him to stand on the right where he would be able to watch out for himself.

Displaying an uncommon amount of patience, Obito waited until everyone had left and he and Kakashi were walking home together as they usually did, then he blurted out his question with no thought for graceful phrasing.

“Why do you always stand on my left side?”

“Because you’re blind on the left side,” Kakashi answered promptly. Obito scrunched his nose.

“Yeah well so are you,” he pointed out. “Wouldn’t it be better for you to be on the right where you can see?”

“That would leave you open to attack.”

Obito huffed. For a genius, the other sure was being dense. “Sure but now you’re leaving yourself open to attack instead.” Kakashi only shrugged.

“I’m the stronger shinobi so it would be easier for me to survive an attack to my blind spot.”

“Are you calling me weak!? I’m a jōnin now! I’m just as good as you are, you stuck up prick!”

With no further promoting Obito threw himself in to a long rant about how he hadn’t given up on his dream of being Hokage someday and how he was going to make Kakashi kiss his hat when that happened. He was so busy yelling that he never noticed the defeated sigh his friend gave, nor heard the tired murmur of, “That wasn’t what I said at all.”

*

At seventeen years old Obito’s life changed. Of course, his life had already undergone several large changes that had each seemed equally world-stopping at the time. Like all the others, he never even saw this one coming until it crashed down upon him – quite literally.

Bickering with Kakashi wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. To be perfectly honest if a day passed him by without a least one tiny spat with the younger teen Obito usually felt a little off kilter, like he had misplaced something. So walking home from a week-long mission, covered head to toe in dust and with Kakashi buzzing in his ear about something or other, he felt more ordinary than anything else. That didn’t stop him from snarling back when Kakashi implied something particularly offensive.

“Do you purposefully mishear me?” Kakashi demanded as they took a short cut through the alley behind their favorite teahouse. “That – wasn’t – what – I – said!”

“Of course it was!” Obito retorted. He was so used to the noise of disgust the other boy made that his brain filled in the visual of Kakashi throwing his hands in the air without even looking. He never expected for his shoulders to be shoved, turning him about to face his friend.

“No! It wasn’t! You never listen properly, Obi-brat, I was trying to say something else!”

“What then? How the hell was I supposed to take that other than you implying that I’m still slower than you at using jutsu?”

“You – I – would you just – oh for kami’s sake!”

In his wildest dreams Obito never could have predicted Kakashi’s reaction then. He flinched as the straps of his pack were grabbed in a tight grip and his body was shoved back against the wall of the alley. Expecting Kakashi to hit him in the face, he closed his eyes instinctively and braced for impact because as offended as he was he knew the other was actually right. He still wasn’t as fast with his hands as his teammate was.

Half a second later his eyes snapped back open in shock, staring hard at Kakashi’s closed eyelids and trying to process the fact that Hatake Kakashi was kissing him. Actually it was more like ravishing him. For some reason he couldn’t seem to make himself move, either, and so he simply stood still and let himself be thoroughly kissed by his best friend.

Amazingly, he could even see a line of deep red scrawled across the top of Kakashi’s mask when his friend finally pulled away, panting and scowling despite his blush.

“That is what I’ve been trying to say for fucking years now but you just don’t listen! You always misunderstand me and take what I say the wrong way! Baka! Brat! Too stupid to see your own best friend is in love with you! Why do I even like you?”

“You’re…you’re…EH!?”

“All I said was that your hand movements hadn’t improved as much as I thought they would. It was a simple observation, all I was trying to do was offer to help, and all you heard was an insult! Kami you are so freaking dense sometimes it makes me want to scream!”

“Hnngg!?” Obito frantically tried to locate his tongue and remember how to speak so he could say something – anything. He’d never heard Kakashi say so much at once nor speak so passionately about something, not unless he felt very strongly about the subject. Considering his choice of words for describing his feelings, it was apparent that he felt more than just strongly about this.

“I’ve been trying to get this in to your head since I was nine years old but all you ever think I’m doing is being mean. Is that all you see me as? A mean person who just insults you all the time? I try to help! I try to offer you compliments! But nooooo Uchiha Obito wouldn’t see a compliment even if it stripped naked and slapped him in his stupid face! Do you get it now, then? Huh? What about if I got up on the roof of the Hokage Tower and shouted it for the whole village to hear? Hey everyone! I’m in love with Obito and he’s never even noticed! It’s fucking awesome!”

Finally, Obito snapped. If his tongue wasn’t going to listen to him than he was going to have to let his actions speak for themselves. Not giving himself any time to second guess, he reached out and took hold of the straps of Kakashi’s pack like the younger boy had done to him, dragging him back in and cutting off the flow of words with a frantic kiss. Since it was only the second kiss he had ever experienced in his life, he really hoped he was doing it right.

Even if he wasn’t he had a feeling that Kakashi didn’t mind all that much. The sixteen year old let out an honest-to-kami whimper as he fell silent, using his body to press Obito farther in to the wall and framing his face with two pale hands. He was blushing even harder than before by the time the kiss was finished.

“Uh, sorry about that,” he murmured, ever so slowly stepping back. Obito raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah that was weird.” Kakashi’s entire body froze in place and Obito panicked, hurrying to correct himself. “No not the kiss! The kiss was awesome! Totally down for that! Just the yelling I mean, that was weird.”

“Really?” It was strange to hear Kakashi say anything such a small voice.

“Of course!”

“By ‘totally down’ do you mean you…I mean…could I…uhm…we…I know you always had a thing for Rin…don’t want to come between anything…”

Obito stared in awe as Kakashi slowly shrank down in to himself more and more the longer he continued to stammer. Just the fact that he was stammering at all was enough to blow the older teen’s mind, but the shyness threatened to overload him completely. If there was one thing Kakashi was not, it was shy. Although it took almost a full minute and his friend looked nearly ready to turn tail and run by the time he did, Obito finally got his brain back on track enough to speak again.

“I got over Rin years ago,” he pointed out softly. “So maybe we could, erm, go on a date sometime?”

“Really!?” Kakashi’s head snapped up and even through the mask it was obvious that his jaw had dropped with shock.

“Uh huh.” Now blushing himself, Obito shuffled his feet. “You could kiss me again first, though. I mean, if you want to or whatever.”

“Oh. Yeah. Sure.”

Despite his words, at first Kakashi only manage to stand there while the two of them stared at each other awkwardly. They were both blushing fiercely and it only worsened when he finally plucked up the courage to slowly lean forward, touching his masked lips to Obito’s much more gently this time. Either he gained confidence quickly or simply lost himself in the moment, but whichever it was it only took a few moments before he had brought their bodies close together again, standing well inside Obito’s personal space so their hearts were nearly beating against each other.

“So,” Obito murmured against his friend’s mouth. “This is kind of hard to misinterpret.” Kakashi huffed out a laugh.

“Took you long enough to get it,” he complained lightly.

“Not my fault. You are obviously terrible at flirting.”

“Maybe if you didn’t jump to conclusions so easily–”

“You better shut up and kiss me again right now or I’m gonna start another fight and ruin the moment. Less bitchin’, more kissin’.”

Kakashi had to take the time to laugh first but he did listen for once in his life. Obito figured he could be satisfied with that for now.

[tekka-dan]

This is kind of why I don’t like strictly Naruto Stans on my posts because you guys reblog it and completely miss my entire point.

Before I digress, expand on my thesis, I want to make something clear: I prefer villians. What makes a story memorable are not only the protagonists, but the villians. If your story has a compelling villian, you’re more likely to keep a readers attention.

With that being said, Pein is my favorite villian from Naruto because he’s the most realistic villian and he’s the most impactful, narrative wise.

Another thing I want to make clear when speaking of Pein as a villian, I’m not talking about Pein as only Nagato. When Nagato speaks to Naruto directly, I completely dismiss Pein/Yahiko as being him. I never found it fair to call Nagato as Pein once Pein was killed because Nagato of course still lived until he sacrificed himself. Therefore, I don’t conclude the characters to be the [entire] same.

Moving on now.

Konoha was the bad guys. Readers like you of course don’t see the bigger picture though, readers like you are worshipping Naruto [the character] and not analyzing the story deeper, which is a convoluted mess, once you really break it down.

Something you’re forgetting is that Pein was once Yahiko. You’re forgetting that Yahiko had his own premises, beliefs and goals. (I already wrote an answer saying why Yahiko is a better protagonist than Naruto). One of Yahiko’s beliefs was that he wanted to stop the war, he wanted to rid his homeland of pain and agony.

That is a core reason why he constructed The Akatsuki that Konan and Nagato fell behind him in planning. When Madara/Obito got ahold of the organization, he manipulated them into turning it into something it wasn’t. The Akatsuki was never a group comprised for murder, malicious intent, none of what it became basically. The Akatsuki was a peace alliance, created by Yahiko as a means to go against their former leader in the Hidden Rain Village. While Yahiko believed in stopping war, he was a heavy advocate for peace prior to his death.

Nagato’s rage is what fueled Pein. That’s what made him surreal on a level of transcendence.

Pein’s questions were not answered. Pein’s major question to Naruto was “What about my village? What about my people? What about us?” This question he posed is signifanct because this was Pein/Yahiko asking Naruto directly: You say you want to change this world and become a leader everyone can follow, and you’re going this far to save one person. Yet, my village and all of its people are dead and gone. What are you going to do about that, Naruto Uzumaki?

And Naruto doesn’t have an answer because he truly doesn’t know. Reading that was heart breaking. A character we followed for 200+ chapters doesn’t even have an answer for how he’s going to change the world, rather all he does is preach that he will. What kind of leader does that make Naruto? Naruto’s entire narrative relies heavily on him bullshitting his way into people’s heads and never giving direct or clear answers for any of the things he promises to change.

I say that because Neji Hyuuga sacrificed his life for Naruto’s words, stating he was free of his burden to the branch family, however Naruto never actually went on to change a damn thing in the Hyuuga Clan.

There are more prevalent examples in other characters, majority of them come from outside of the village, ones Naruto makes empty promises to and he never actually keeps or holds his word for.

The Indra and Ashua shit is so far dismissed that I don’t even want to address it but I will—it doesn’t atone for anything. It doesn’t atone for the fact that Pein’s village was still annihilated. Nagato’s parents were still killed by ninja from the Leaf Village. Yahiko’s family was still killed by a war the Leaf Village was having on their land. Konan still lost the loves her life on the Leaf Village soil. None of Naruto’s promises atone for any of their pain. None of anything Naruto does post chapter 699 atones for any damage done to any other village.

That’s why I love and worship Pein as a villian, as a character. Yes he was a bad guy, but only because our sunshine protagonist didn’t see anything wrong with a system that Pein essentially was trying to change/corrupt. Sasuke Uchiha is in the exact same boat. Readers like you are why Sasuke Uchiha and Pein are considered villains anyway, because you’re on the side of Konoha, and you refuse to believe that what they committed was genocide, waged war after war, conspiracies, I can go on. We were made to believe this system was bad, we were shown in very clear manga panels that Konoha is the bad guys.

Neji Hyuuga, Yahiko, Sasuke Uchiha, all of those characters were either killed or forced to comply because our sunshine protagonist wants to protect a village that massacres other villages and keeps getting away with it.

It’s readers like you who miss this entirely.

I don’t believe one second that any of Naruto’s themes are meant to be religious because everything towards the middle/end were asspulls that became plot holes and contrivances. In fact most of what I layed out in my original post was deeper than what the author himself was probably thinking.

In case you missed it though, this was a post praising the villains and their impacts on narratives. Pein was not a villian only introduced to be defeated, he was a villian introduced to be understood. And that’s why it pisses me off the way they nuked him, because he brought so much character and depth to this shallow ass story.

I don’t agree that every villian/antagonist needs to be redeemed though. The fact that Madara died irredeemable makes me content, because what does he need to apologize for? Madara’s story began centuries ago and he was bearing that hatred for centuries because he knows damn well he died unfairly. Madara agreed to coexist with Konoha even after his beloved brother was killed by Tobirama. And what did they do to return his alliance? They ridiculed and gossiped about his clan, the Uchiha’s didn’t even have a legacy anymore by this time around, so they were shunned for no goddamn reason, all because of the idiotic beliefs of a few. Madara wasn’t having that and I don’t blame him, why the hell should he have to deal with prejudice in a village he helped co-find? Exactly. I stand by Madara. On top of that, Obito was a convoluted mess of a character from start to finish. His wavering mental streaks only made him seem like a weak character/villian with unclear motives. The fact that he wavered in the first place only made it seem like he was trying to justify everything that happened, completely forgetting that his own teammate was still turned into a demon against her will/consent. His other teammate still had to rightfully kill her in order to prevent her from wreaking havoc on the same village that killed Kakashi’s father’s spirit, and in turn made him commit suicide. That’s why everything towards the end of Naruto pisses me off.

But as soon as Naruto opens his goddamn mouth, suddenly everything is fine and dandy. Genocide, massacres, prejudices—all of its fine when Naruto “says” he’s going to change things.

News flash though: Naruto doesn’t change shit. Naruto doesn’t give a damn about changing shit. He wanted recognition and attention. He validated himself through false promises. I hate him entirely as a character.

Why do people hate villians? I get it, villians are the antagonists/bad guys, but why do people hate to actually appreciate them?

Most of my favorite stories have villians that are honestly so damn compelling and interesting that they keep my attention longer than the protagonists. It’s genuinely frightening when you find yourself leaning for the villians in the story, it also means that the story and its concepts/themes are damn near perfect.

I genuinely don’t understand why people always speak of villians needing to only be defeated. Some villians aim to only be understood, sympathized with, no defeating is necessary. Example; King Mereum from Hunter x Hunter had no actual reason for eating humans other than the fact he perceived he was at the top of the food chain. Anything else was below him and unworthy, that being humans. However, he then meets a human that subconsciously awakens this deeper meaning to his existence and he realizes that the only thing keeping him at the top of the food chain is power and the lack of understading. His entire appeal comes from the fact that as a creature viewed as vile, inhumane and vicious learns to sympathize with the humans, even becomes envious of them. I loved this mindset, it was so interesting.

The reason he became one of my favorite villians is due to the fact that his reasons being morally gray, not simply black and white. And rather using his power/strength to earn dominance, he decides to sympathize with the humans, he decides the only way for him to understand is to learn. In his final battle it’s a major symbolic theme of monster vs human and throughout he is not the one portrayed as a monster, but rather the human.

Another favorite villain of mine is Pein. Although he destroyed our precious main characters village, his premise was disturbing enough to rock the core of every character on screen/panel. And it was due to his ideologies alone. Nobody ever “analyzes” Pein because he’s written off as a villain with an absurd amount of hype, that was killed off seemingly easily and it was by his own hand. It’s also why I like him so much..he’s not appreciated enough for what he brought into the narrative.

Up until his introduction we were on the side of Konoha. We believed they were victims, they were tormented, they were annihilated. When Pein entered the narrative he changed all of that, by relaying to the precious main character that it was in fact Konoha village itself that were the bullies, never the other way around. It was Konoha bring the torture and torment, issuing the fighting and war fronts. Our precious main characters village is actually..the bad guys, which is what Pein presents to us. He then goes on to disrupt the mindset of the main characters ambitions by posing a series of questions that none of them..were ever answered. Never in the storyline were his questions ever answered..in the slightest.

Pein is written off to be an impactful villain that went on to achieve nothing because he’s simply the bad guy that needs to be defeated. But..not the bad guy that was written to be understood. He was powerful, he was terrifying and he was most definitely a threat, but he didn’t exist for power alone. He existed for acceptance, for sympathizing. Pein was named Pein for the true fact that his village was in constant turmoil..losing their people in turn created constant..pain. Their village was made up of broken hearts and broken families, due to the constant war raging of Konoha village.

That’s why Pein remains one of my top favorite villians. Not only did he change the narrative of Naruto in a damning factor, he was the only villain that existed for sheer sympathy, not power. That’s why I dislike people saying he needed to be defeated, brought down. No, what he needed was to be understood. Relatable. Not powerful.

Anyway, I really like villians in stories that I find to be morally gray, not only black or white. I strongly dislike people who simply view villians as bad guys that need to be stopped/killed, while failing to understand their motives at all, their purposes..