#nyu doodles

[dear-nyu]

The Pig Adventure: eat your new mentor!! and other interesting ideas by @blue-cat-shitposts

[dearnyu-njsz]

Thoughts and intentions for the new year <3

[hunterkroton]

The Hunter Krøton gang.

My favourite oc's Jaz, Wade and Nyu.

One of these days I will make a common Krøton oc I swear.

[giulliadella]

I drew the little NYU-NYU, I mean, lactic acid bacterium during today’s microbiology class. 

[ichigoomlette]

[dejwritesarchived]

❪ ♡ ❫ ─── ( synopsis ) college boy toji proves that you're the only girl he has eyes on.

♡ ˙ ˖ ✧ — reader discretion is advised: female reader, female anatomy described, her/she pronouns, feminine pet names, written with black reader in mind, third pov, college au, college boy!toji, he’s an international student in the states, hints at reader & him going to nyu, reader and toji in their early 20’s, reader calls him 't', alcohol usage, mentions of a hangover, a little angst, profanity, toji’s last name is zenin in this, friends with benefits trope, mentions of zenin family, toji’s a business major, mentions of pets (toji has a doberman named taichi), oral (f.receiving), doggystyle position, exhibitionism, flirty toji, you’re his #1 girl, early bday post for toji

❪ ♡ ❫ ─── click here for jjk masterlist. click here for ao3 link.

TWENTY-ONE-YEAR-OLD TOJI ZENIN SLUMPED DOWN INTO HIS SEAT IN THE BACK OF THE LECTURE HALL. Heavy bags under his eyes, headache clawing at the back of his skull, and running on 2 hours of sleep. When he plopped down in his seat, he flipped open his notebook to half-listen to the professor. The professor was boasting about the infamous wives of kings in different countries. He was late, very late. It was only his second semester at NYU as a business administration major, and he could already feel himself falling behind. He was sent overseas for school because his family thought it would help shape him for the family company back in Japan. Still, his last semester started with attending parties and social events (some on behalf of his family). Then on top of that, his younger cousin was also in town, so he was a major distraction. 

Within the stressful semesters and maintaining an image under a microscope from his family overseas, he met a gorgeous girl Y/N. The two had a pretty complicated relationship—they met at a party, and he hated to admit that he was falling for her. Toji adored seeing her on campus, and he damn sure loved staring at her during this elective women’s history course. On days when he wasn’t hungover, he would poke Y/N with his pen until she snapped at him to stop. But today, Toji slumped in his seat, doodling in his notebook.

“You should pay attention. This is going to be on the quiz this Friday,” Y/N whispers as she’s writing in her notebook.

“That’s what I have you for,” Toji says as he gives her some tired grin that causes her to roll her eyes.

Y/N rolled her eyes at the man because she hated that it was true. Toji and herself met at a party with him flirting with her the whole night. She ignored him, considering that she had heard so much about him from other women. Yet, it was Y/N’s luck that she entered this class and saw him sitting in the back of the class at the start of the semester.

She didn’t understand why he would be taking a course like this, but she wasn’t going to get him talking. After all, when Toji spoke about himself, he couldn’t stop. Perhaps, that’s why she liked him. He was a confident guy that knew what he wanted. Y/N didn’t expect the two to start an immature friends-with-benefits relationship. Even though, on some days, she’ll spot him flirting with other girls in exchange for accounting notes. He still manages to make her cheeks grow hot with his witty comments and captivating smile.

But the one thing the young woman hated was seeing him like this. His head was on the cold desk and his eyes closed, not paying attention. This education could have gone to someone who wanted to be here. Y/N’s teeth grazed upon her plump lip gloss-covered lips as she inched her chair closer to him. She lets her hand travel to Toji’s lap as she places her pen down. Her hands rubbed at his crotch until she could feel him squirming under her touch. His head still lying on the table with the hood to his NYU pull-over hoodie on turned towards her. “Don’t start something you can’t finish, baby,” He says as he tugs his chair further under the table.

“Oh, hush,” Y/N says as she unbuttoned his jeans quickly. Her curious eyes stared ahead at the clock, ten more minutes until the class ended. That’s enough time.

When Toji felt her hand in the comfort of his pants, his head shot up to lean back in his seat. His teeth grated at his lower lip as a slight hiss escaped his mouth. He tuned out the professor lecturing about the downfall of Marie Antoinette.

“I’m sure you can be quiet, huh?” Y/N questions as her hand glide up and down his thick shaft. Her thumb brushed against his thick pink tip that leaked with precum.

“Shit,” Toji uttered under his breath. His body was radiating so much heat at the moment, and it wasn’t coming from the layers of clothes he was wearing.

“Okay, I will be releasing you guys early. Please use the time to study for the quiz next quiz.”

Toji’s body seemed to go through shock when Y/N removed her hand from his pants. A cold chill goes down his spine as he’s quick to button his pants so no one can see. Toji quickly stuffed his belongings inside his bookbag to catch up with Y/N, who had already exited the class. He nearly knocked down some students trying to chase after her. With her brown skin glistening with each step she took through the halls and her head held up.

“Y/N, Wait up!” Toji’s jogging up to her, chest heaving up and down, and a look of determination on his face. His face flushed with color due to the teasing brief handjob she gave him. He grabs a hold of her forearm to put a halt to her walking.

“Toji, I have a class to get to,” Y/N huffs as she looks at him.

“And I said don’t start something you can’t finish,” He reminded.

“It was something to wake your lazy ass up,” Y/N says as she looks at him. She adjusted the tote bag on her shoulders. “Now, can I go to my class now?” She questioned.

“Well, I’m up now.” Toji would say before his hand was dragging her into one of the smaller classrooms.

“Toji.”

“Y/N.”

“We can’t do this here, what if someone walks in,” Y/N questions.

He stepped closer to her with such lust in his eyes. She’s mentally cursing herself for waking up such a beast, but she enjoyed teasing him. He tugged at her strings so much that Y/N wasn’t afraid to tug at his right back once in a while. With each step he took, she took one back until she hit the teacher’s desk in the middle of the lecture hall.

The two were close, with Toji’s curious green hues staring at her lips. His fingertips traced alongside her side and it sent a chill down her spine effortless. “No one is going to walk in. This class always is empty for an hour or so.”

“How would you know that?” Y/N questioned, her hands going up to toy with the strings on his hoodie. Her eyebrows knit together in curiosity. “Have you fucked other women in here because if you did-”

“You’re always assuming I’m fucking someone else,” Toji pointed out. He then lifts her up to place her on the desk which she didn’t argue against.

“Because when are you not fucking other women?” Y/N asked as she watched him toy with the ends of the skirt she wore.

Toji kissed his teeth as he took up the space between Y/N’s legs. “I’m not having sex with other women, Y/N. I only want you.” He would mumble his last couple of words on her skin while he was kissing her neck.

“Mhmm.” Y/N hummed as she craned her neck to the side giving Toji more access to her neck.

“You don’t believe me?” Toji questioned as he tore his lips away from her neck. His green-colored eyes stared into hers waiting for a response. If you asked Toji when he first moved here for university if he would be strung by some girl, he wouldn’t believe you. But here Toji was trying to defend his case that he’s actually been keeping his dick in his pants. Toji’s heart was growing a little warmer for Y/N.

Y/N looked up at him. Her curious eyes stared into his eyes to search for any clue for his foolishness. Toji was still young like any other guy on the campus. Which meant that he still wanted to fool around with other women. Yet, Toji was right here pleading his case. Toji’s fingers lingered a bit higher each second as they sat in silence in the small lecture hall. Y/N’s felt her body get so hot, feeling Toji’s callous fingers on the inside of her thighs. “Do you want me to prove it?” Toji questioned.

Y/N’s teeth caught into her lower lip, but the larger man did gain a nod from the woman. Toji’s muscular frame towered down as he reached up Y/N’s skirt to tug the lace panties she wore down. Her underwear dangled from her ankle as he would kneel down between her legs. His plush lips littered kisses on the inside of her thighs. Toji felt under an intense spell when he got a whiff of Y/N’s sweet scent. It was a scent of home, something he had no clue what was with his delusional family back in Japan. She had the scent of warmth and sweetness. He’d grown to love it so much when he started to spend more time with her.

“Toji..” Y/N let out a shaky breath while she was squirming under his touch. Which only led to Toji’s arms pinning her still. It was like pinning a paper doll together with small pins so it won't fall apart. “We’re going to get caught.”

“Not if you keep it down, now please relax. Let me prove it to you,” Toji’s words seem to become less clear to Y/N when she felt the flat of his tongue licking at her puffy lips.

Y/N inhaled nattily as she placed her hand on the wooden desk to hold herself up. Her eyes peered down at Toji who was under her skirt. The lewd sound of him collecting her wetness caused her to chew at her lower lip. She was afraid of letting out any noise. In fear that if they got caught her college years would be over and thrown in the trash. But when she felt Toji’s mouth latch onto her clit, a low yelp escaped her mouth. Y/N’s body fell back onto the wooden desk and her hands desperately tugged her skirt up further around her waist.

Toji’s grip on Y/N thighs only tightened with each second he spent lapping up her arousal like a thirsty lap dog. His nose nuzzled at Y/N’s soft skin as his tongue that lingered with her slick flicked at her clit. His right hand released from holding her thighs open so he could enjoy his meal. Toji’s fingertips traced alongside the inside of Y/N’s thighs. His subtle touch sent a tingle down Y/N’s spine as she grew impatient due to his teasing. Her lips soon gasped apart, feeling Toji’s finger rub at her lips, collecting her wetness with ease. His thumb brushed against his clit and he began to rub circular motions upon it.

Y/N let out a moan at his sudden action before she could feel him insert his index and middle finger into her wet cunt. Her hand went up to muffle her cries while Toji’s fingers gradually pumped through her. Y/N let out a string of moans before her hand grasped at Toji’s black strands of hair. Her groans of pleasure were like music to Toji’s ears. Like his dog, Taichi’s ears shot up in excitement when he was happy. Toji’s ears burn with so much heat, hearing her sweet moans.

He pulled forward to latch onto her clit while his fingers moved inside her. His tongue slurped up any wetness that leaked out of her cunt. He continued to push his fingers inside her with ease. The lewd sound of Y/N’s wetness coating his fingers caused Toji to grow even harder in his jeans. Curling his fingers slightly to attempt to hit that one spot that caused her toes to curl, Toji’s nose was nuzzling at the soft skin upon her pussy—her pubes tickling his nose, but he didn’t care.

“Toji…I’m going to cum.” Y/N moaned out as her back arched off the wooden desk.

When she felt his fingers pull out of her, she felt empty. She mentally wanted to yell at herself for letting him have such power over her. Y/N’s eyes filled with tears as she watched him again stand on his feet. Her cunt was desperate to feel him inside her once again.

“Stand up and turn around,” Toji commanded.

The dominance that lingered off his tongue caused Y/N to stand up immediately. Before turning around, Toji tugged her in for a kiss. His tongue slides down her throat with so much aggression. When he pulled back suddenly, he said to her, “Wanted you to taste how amazing you taste to me.”

Y/N’s cheeks burnt with so much heat before she twirled around, urging him to fill her up again. Her hands were on the desk, waiting for Toji’s girth to stretch her out. She could feel his large hands gripping the flesh of her butt before he pushed her back down. Y/N could feel Toji’s plump tip brush against her entrance. A soft whine escaped her lips. “T, stop teasing.”

She knew Toji was smirking behind her before he pushed himself inside her. Her lips parted apart as she felt him stretch her fully. Despite the two having sex many times, each time, she still found herself gasping like an idiot at his size. Toji was eager to rock his hips forward to feel the addicting way her walls clenched around her. His fingertips rubbed random shapes on her waist, waiting for her to give him the go-to continue. “Relax, Y/N. I got you, baby girl,” Toji says.

Y/N relaxed under Toji’s touch before she began to back herself upon his waist. She could hear Toji chuckle before he cooed at her like some superior. “Look at you, getting a bit desperate.” He expresses.

Toji began to roll his hips upon her ass. The pornographic sound of their skin slapping against each other only boosted Toji’s ego even more. His thrusts grew more aggressive with each moan that escaped Y/N’s mouth. How his name rolled off her tongue caused his brain to go fuzzy. Or maybe it was the way her pussy clenched around him like a perfectly fitted glove. Either or was driving him insane at the moment. His large hands gripped at her ass as he lunged forward some more. “Fuck..” He uttered to himself.

Toji’s eyes looked down at Y/N. He realized how beautiful Y/N looked right now. Her fucked out expression was a stunning sight to see. Her lip gloss was smudged across her lips, tears spilling out her eyes, and gosh, those moans. They were beautiful to Toji.

Toji would prompt Y/N’s leg on the desk so he could thrust deeper inside her drooling cunt. His larger form hunched over hers as he’s rocking his hips forward in a rhythmic motion. Y/N’s hands flew back to push at Toji’s torso. Her cries echoed in the lecture hall while her briny tears stained her cheeks. “Toji…too much.” Y/N mewled.

Toji chews at his lower lip as he grabs Y/N’s hands to place upon her butt to spread herself wider for him. “It’s too much, but I can feel your pussy squeeze around me with each thrust, so what’s the truth, baby?” He cooed as his hips bucked forward to place kisses upon her cervix.

The only thing Y/N could let out was a string of moans of his name. Her drool decorated the wooden desk below her as he fucked her practically dumb. Which only led to the growing sensational pit forming at the bottom of her abdomen. When Toji glanced down, seeing how Y/N’s pussy swallowed him whole, he was close to telling the woman he was in love.

“Look at that; you’re taking it so well, baby girl.” He praised.

When Toji felt Y/N’s walls clutch around him, he knew he was close to tumbling down with her. His hips rocked into the soft flesh of Y/N’s ass. Toji let out a low groan as he could feel his balls grow heavy and tight. His fingernails dug into her waist as his thrusts grew slowly and sloppier. Toji’s larger frame hunched over as he could feel himself cum. His thick cum splattered upon Y/N’s walls while his mouth uttered an exhausted groan.

“T....” Y/N moaned as she could feel him slowly tug himself out of her. Her chest was rising, and embarrassment waved over her body. The young woman tried to process everything while her legs still felt like a fresh bowl of jello.

Toji had zipped his pants right up. His forearm went up to wipe the sweat that lingered on his forehead. He would lean down, pulling Y/N’s underwear back on her. A cocky smirk displayed on his face as he got a glimpse of his cum dripping out of her addicting cunt.

“You’re so annoying,” Y/N uttered as she turned to face him.

With a cheeky grin on his face, Toji tugged her skirt down. “You love it, though. Now let’s go.” He says as he’s leaning down to collect his book bag and soon extends his hand to her.

“Where are we going?” Y/N asked. “Plus, we still have class, you know?”

“I’ll get a doctor to write us a doctor’s note.” Toji bluntly admitted. “Now let’s get some food, and you a plan b.” His index finger tapped at Y/N’s nose, and she could only roll her eyes at his behavior.

“You’re so annoying.” She repeated once again, but she grabbed hold of his hand so he could lead her out of the lecture hall.

It was something about Toji Zenin that caused the young woman’s heart to flutter. But she had to remind herself that getting even more tangled with him would only hurt her in the end.

TAGS — @maydayaisha @eiflawriting @takemichiluvr @stunnababyyabyyy @suunmic @neesiewrote @potofstewie @lacy111 @pocketfulofposies @destiiny-prtt @animetypagirlsstuff @sexbob-ombbeck @hyuene @rindouzfav @lostwanderr @comatosebunny09 @chosoguapo @melaninmight @lunarecilpse @thirstyforjeann @blueparadis @syomi @soumies @pyrusplantae @510hz @angelwa @diorlov3er @kiraricard @si00p @airheqds @getosbunny @atesumu @dark-night-hero @venusflytrapstar @sirenh4ll @vqmpirw

[happysparklingshadows]

A Certain Hunger (3/?)

Chapter 2 ✿ Chapter 4

Summary: Everyone is trying their best out in the woods, and it’s paying off with finding the lake and then finding an old cabin. The only problem is that every step you take you are reminded how dire the situation with the sense of dread a mummy in the attic gives. 

Pairing: Surviving!Poly! Yellowjackets x reader (slow burn)

Warnings: Description of Death and Suicide, internalized homophobia, General emotional distress, and getting kissed while your eyes are closed.

Taglist: @g1rlsriot @zhivaxo @icabrth @h-doodles @somethingred7 @mika-kc @frasersgf @yaakooi @vstblrblog @jax1118 @oakwave @mmiah @dvrkhcld @wandasmainho @thewinterlunarhalo @vstblrblog @bbbexee

Word count: 14.3

‘96

The forest air was crisp and fresh as twigs snapping under your weight-birds' chirping in the trees above. It was very peaceful in an odd way for you. You have only been out in the woods for three days now, and although you were anxious about when the rescue team would find you the entire time, the environment was overwhelmingly beautiful and familiar. It's just a North American Forest with all the usual creatures like back home in New Jersey. All the lush green and brown overcome your senses with the natural odor of the wild it was comforting and made you think of your dad. It felt like you were with him somehow as you and Taissa walked through the brush to find a water source early in the morning. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, letting it out. 

“Doing yoga over there?” Taissa teased as she walked beside you on the unbeaten path of the forest ahead of you. A breeze hits you both in the direction you are walking.

You chuckle and shake your head to her, “No, I am just taking in the smell. The deep forest has a smell to it. It has like this rich dirt and plant smell.”

Taissa scoffs and shakes her head at your words, and she doesn’t understand why you are so calm about the woods. Tai was trying her best not to freak out about the fact she was currently trapped in the wilderness, and she just looked over to you and saw you just calmly walking in the greenery. “I never saw you as an outdoorsy kind of girl.”

“I’m not.” You say, very tired of the topic with the other girls. “You know me, and I am more into Journalism.”

“Yeah,” Taissa says as she looks over at you, pointing a finger, she remembers as she says, “Aren’t you going to NYU for journalism?”

You chuckle and look to your feet, seeing a familiar vine slowing your walking. “Yeah, I mean, go into where your good. I think I am pretty good at journalism.”

“Wanna be like Jay Lenno?” Taissa asked as she followed your movements, her eyes scanning around to see why you slowed down. “What?”

You point to the ground, and you crouch down to the vine. You follow the vine a few inches, and white berries with black that hang gently from a black vine. “Tai, Look," You urge with a wave of your hand to Tai. Taissa looks over your shoulder as you explain, "These are Rabit food berries, at least that is what my dad calls them, and are poisonous but can be used for bail for anything.” You say as you start to pick off the white berries. “Good news is that they normally grow around water. So, hopefully, we are close.”

“Oh, foesue,” Taissa says as she leans down and looks at the berry. She takes one in her hand and investigates the little thing. “These are called Rabbit food?”

“Not formally. But that is what my dad calls them.”

“You’re dad knows a lot about this stuff.”

You forced a smile and nodded; you didn't want to talk about your dad. 

As you stand up, a sharp pain shoots through your neck, and it causes you to yelp, "Ow!".

"You okay?" Taissa asked with her eyebrows furrowed in concern. You still have black eyes from the crash, and you still look like you took a beating. 

"It's okay. It's just my neck is still sore. Please don't worry about it." You sigh as you put the white berries in the bandana Natalie gave you that first night. Taissa and you both walk forward toward the breeze with more confidence that you will find water.

You and Tai had a somewhat complicated relationship. Tai was second to become valedictorian, and you always seemed competitive. Tai would ask you what you got on tests and essays, comparing the results to see how to spark more rivalry. There wasn’t much there, to begin with. Still, fighting with someone with your wit was fun because there would be no other competition if it were about physical ability. Taissa never took things too far with how you two fought for the top spot. Tai bit her tongue when it was called over the intercom two weeks earlier that you were the one giving the speech at graduation. Taissa wanted to break her pencil because she had worked so hard and never got to be better than you, but she always knew you were a worthy opponent. Taissa was your friend like the other senior yellowjackets. Still, your relationship was more superficial with her than with Shauna or even Misty Quigley. There was an air of performance and a level of standoffishness.

“Congratulations on the Valedictorian spot again,” Taissa says softly to you. You were always so pretty to her.

“Thank you, Tai!” you said happily. You were very proud of yourself for that, and you look over to her and say, “I guess it’s pretty good that we both are here to make sure everyone’s head screwed on right.”

Taissa chuckles at your joke as the both of you see the lake off on the horizon on the hill. It looked like someone would have to go down the hillside, and a few miles past a little more forest, you would get to the shore. Taissa doesn’t say anything before she runs ahead of you, closer to the hill's edge.

You sigh as your feet beg you to stop moving and lie down. You needed to keep moving, and you needed to make sure everyone was okay. You had reminded yourself of everything your father said in passing on your many trips, and you knew a big one was water and then shelter on the list. The last couple of days has made you more adventurous than you ever like to be, as you had to do something as the anxiety was eating you alive. You speedwalk behind the very fast Tai, who stopped at the treeline that dropped off into a beach.

“If it weren’t so deep in these woods, it would be a private beach,” you thought as you panted behind Taissa. The air was sweet and relaxed with the breeze of the tide, and it didn’t stop the drop of sweat that rolled down your neck.

“Fucking finally,” You sigh out with a groan. You look around the water and see lily pads a little ways off, and on the side are rocks that a small turtle rests on. The lake looks promising and has everything that the group needs right now.

Taissa doesn’t show much emotion toward the water; more of a confirmation of its existence. She turns back and pulls your arm to walk the other 6 miles back to the plane. You while as you follow behind her, she says, “We have to tell the others and move camp there.”

You felt yourself pause a little bit at the way she said that. It sounded like a demand, and injured people couldn’t travel this distance without the whole team working together. There was a confirmed 15 people alive from the plane crash, luckily, all your friends survived with some injuries, but 4 of them were working with painful wounds. Ashely, a sophomore, was burned so badly on her face that her cheek is producing puss now; Misty is sure it is third-degree. Ashely has been in and out of pain and can’t walk even though she is fully intact, and couch Ben is working with one less leg.

“Tai, I don’t think we should move so quickly.” You say as you walk behind her, both determined to meet the others.

Tai scoffs and looks over her shoulder with a narrowed eye, “Why’s that? We’re running out of food and water by the hour.”

“Yes, but people aren’t going to do it so quickly. We have to think about the injured-”

“We’ll carry them, and we can’t stay put, (y/n).”

You roll your eyes as you say a little more transparently, “Tai, you are not going to make people want to move with that approach.” she stops herself to look at you. She is annoyed, and you can sense that you sigh and explain, “People are still in shock, okay? A fucking Plane crash happened, and no one has fucking found the box. Everyone is emotional about it still, and we cannot come at them like it’s a demand. Everything is different now, and we all need some time.”

“Then, they can stay there until rescue gets here.” She stood firm. She put her hands on her hips as she looked at you with a tilted head.

You feel yourself get even more frustrated, and you start to say with a sterner voice, “We’re not leaving anyone behind. We are leaving altogether or staying together, Tai; there is no other way it will work.”

“Okay, what do you think we should do if you think my idea is bullshit.”

“I don’t think your idea is bullshit, but it is insensitive to the people who just fucking lost everything.” You whisper yell to her, not even wanting the chance that someone could hear your argument from the camp. “The guys lost their dad, and we all lost someone we knew in the crash, Tai. People are emotional, and people are scared. We have to be united when we tell them about the water. We introduce it gently and let them all decide when to go.” Tai grew quiet as she looked at you, watching you continue. ”I think we should hold a vote on when we should go because you are right,” You nod to her, and Tai seems slightly taken back that you would tell her, “I think we should move to the lake.”

“Then what do we do?”

“We need to bury the bodies.” You remind as you walk up a slight incline in the path. “We can leave after we bury them or tomorrow morning. It’s not a question that we are going.”

“So, the ones that want to stay have to move with us.” Taissa agreed with a slight nod of her head. She then says as if it was a little painful. “You’re right.���

“Okay, So we will do that.” You diplomatically ask her again for confirmation before you start planning your morning announcements to the team. “We have food and water now; We need to build a shelter of some kind.”

“You think we will be here that long to need it?”

“No, I hope we won’t.” You say back, your voice trying to stay positive. “But what if a storm comes by? We’re not in a good place for that, even with the plane, which I don’t think I would even want to step in again.”

“Agreed… But how do we build a shelter? We'll make a teepee or something?”

“I am thinking like dig out and skinny fallen tree logs because this place is covered with them. And figure it out together because I don’t know everything.”

Taissa chuckle and shakes her head. She sarcastically says, “I don’t think that is true.”

“Trust me, I don’t.” You chuckle back and continue your way back to camp.

After walking for another 30ish minutes on your aching feet, you finally reach the group. Excited and happy to finally have some good news for them.

Van, Laura Lee, Travis, and Natalie have been working for a few days on digging pits. Today they were digging the last ones, trying to give their friends and even the people they didn’t know a “right” burial, as Laura Lee had Insisted we give them. A few days earlier, She came to the group while you were giving a morning announcement and said that anyone that is “abled body needs to help because this is the right thing to do. God would want us to do it, and I think even they would want us to do that.”.

And you did. How could you tell Laura Lee she was wrong?

You're panting as you stop walking and lean against a tree by the primary fire. The other girls work on their little things, discuss what they plan for the summer, and other helping others feel better with their wounds. Another pain shoots through your neck again as you turn it too quickly to the left to look around. You calm your breathing from your long hike and feel yourself have enough air to be okay again.

“Okay, let’s eat before I start talking.” You announce to the team as you pull out the ration box, and Van follows behind you, kneeling down to take inventory.

“This is all we have?” Jackie asks.

“Yeah,” Van says.

“We just have to ration. We split everything in half and eat until we don’t feel hungry. Let’s cut them up.” You say, reassuring everyone. You smile and say, “These are really calorie dense, so we will be okay."

Van comes closer to Shauna and shows her how to cut the rations. Shauna is listening to this very intently, and she starts to cut. You hand the water bottle to Akilah and say, “Split the water up evenly."

Shauna says to Jackie beside you, “Close your eyes and pretend it’s bacon.”

Jackie eats it; happily, she always was a food person. You remember when you were in middle school, and her mother passed out from too much Xanax, so Jackie cooked a late-night dinner that would make her mom go crazy to see her eating more than an almond before bed. Jackie made pizza out of dough in the fridge and stuff lying around, and to this day, you think it was the best pizza you ever had. You chuckle as you eat your share of the Mary cakes.

“I am more of a pancakes and syrup girl.” Jackie jokes as she finishes her breakfast of a Mary Cake. You chuckle and nod, “I am feeling pancakes too, Jackie. Shauna is just a carnivore.” You joke.

Shauna purses her lip and holds in a laugh at the joke, shaking her head. Jackie laughed and nodded, “You remember when Shauna ate that burger the size of your head?”

You all laugh at the joke, and you nod your head. You feel your first moment of ease. You didn’t feel pain in your neck and in your heart. Shauna laughed this time and covered her mouth, “Oh my god, it was like she unhinged her jaw!” You reminisce and laugh.

Jackie starts to scratch her thigh again, and both you and Shauna give her a look.

“Hey, Misty said, don’t scratch. It can get infected.”

“If poison Ivy’s what kills me out here, then I deserve to die.” Jackie joked. You pushed her arm and gave her another look.

“Hey, no pessimism. You’re too tough to die from poison Ivy… But please don’t go to the bathroom before you wash your hands.” You warned lightly with a chuckle.

“What will happen if I go to the bathroom, (Y/n)?”

“You will get it on your pussy girl.” You say curtly because you didn’t want to sugarcoat poison ivy on your vagina. “It would be excruciating.”

“Would you know?”

“No, I am not stupid, though.” You chuckle and smile at her. You take a drink of your water and eat some berries. Unaware behind you that Travis was stealing more than his share.

“Hey!” Akilah says to him as he walks over to her and steals a whole Mary cake.

“What are you doing?” Van asks.

“Uh, maybe you didn’t notice, but we’re in a situation here, Flex.” Lottie insults as Travis walks off with a whole Mary Cake instead of a half one. 

“Don’t,” Natalie warns sharply.

Travis turns back and glares at all of us.

“Who died and made him king of snacks?” Lottie whispers to the group.

“His dad, Lottie. His fucking dad.”

“Nat’s right. We should cut him some slack.” Jackie remarked to the group.

“I guess it’s fine if we all starve to death as long as Travis’s feelings are okay.” Mari sassed. 

“We’re not gonna starve to death. Okay? When the rescue team gets here-”

“IF it gets here.” Van cuts in on Jackie to make her point of pessimism.

“Okay, we’re not going say that.” You sharply say to Van. She looks up at you, surprised you spoke up at the moment. You shared a look of her telling you that you can’t say that, and you continued to speak. “We’re not going to kill the hope around here, okay? We must be there for each other right now, but we must be smart. Travis will not do that again because we need to ration. You’re right, Mari. But look around, you guys,” You stop to put your arms out like your dad once did when you were young. Everyone looks around like you said, “It’s summer in a fertile forest. We’ll be okay. We just need to be smart.”

You say as you put your backpack on your shoulders and look at the others. You stand up and say, “We’re all we have right now. We all survived a plane crash. We’re all on edge and emotional. We all must acknowledge that and try not to take things personally until the rescuers come, okay? Because I am a fucking wreck right now, and I know you all are too. We can do nothing but work together and be there for each other. Let’s try our best and be nice to each other now because if anyone will ever understand what we are going through is except each other.”

“Okay, Let’s do it,” Jackie says as she looks up to you with a smile. The others agreed with some groans and complaints, but they agreed.

“Okay, everyone, on another subject, Me and Taissa found a lake when we went out this morning. We saw it over the hill and thought we knew how to get to it from there. It looks about four or five miles away.”

“Do you think we can hike it, (Y/n)?” Shauna asks skeptically.

“Yes, We need to help Coach Ben and take turns carrying him, but we can make it. It’s a little rocky and goes uphill a few times, but yeah.” You say with a smile and look around the team. All seem ready to move and get some distance from the plane; however, Jackie is seemingly fighting with herself about how she will speak. “But, I want to leave it to the team to decide when we should go. We need to go to the water, but should we go after the burial or tomorrow morning?”

“Uh, we, uh, we can’t-we can’t just leave,” Jackie spoke as she awkwardly rose from her spot. She is hesitant.

“Jackie, I know it is scary. But we only have two days of water and don’t have enough food to go around. If it takes them a while to find us, they'll look for the closest body of water for us.”

“But what if the rescue team comes?”

“We’ll leave an SOS on the plane saying we are at the lake and make an SOS on the lake to let them know we are here.” You said before Taissa was going to speak. You didn’t want to kill hope; you didn’t want to kill your own, you just kept it together like you know how.

“What do you think, Coach?” Laura Lee asked him. You follow her voice to him, and you see Misty beside him.

“I don’t-I don’t know,” He says, “I mean, you’d have to leave me behind, I guess, but whatever-”

“That is ridiculous. That is never going to happen.” You shut him down and continued on to your point. “We will build a stretcher out of what we have lying around. Misty took a first-aid class, and they have shown you how to do it, right?”

Misty’s eyes widened that you were speaking to her in the circle like she was important. She smiled shyly and, slightly embarrassed, said, “Kinda-”

“Then we will make one and take turns-”

Jackie laughs in disbelief that we are still talking about leaving. “No. This-This is bullshit. No. No way.”

“Okay, fine. All in favor of waiting here until we don’t have any water?” You say, still twisting it to go to the lake. No one but Jackie raises their hand, she looks over to Shauna, and she doesn’t still. Jackie lost control of you, and now Shauna. She looks around, and no one does. Eventually, Mari and Laura Lee raise their hands.

“All in favor of going to the lake?” You say you raise your hand as Taissa beside you does as well. Everyone else raises their hand.

You nod your head and say as Jackie quiets herself in anger. “Alright, we’re going to the lake. All in favor of leaving tomorrow.”

Jackie, Laura Lee, Mari, Coach Ben, and Misty raise their hands.

“All in favor of leaving after the burial?”

Everyone else raises their hand. You nod again. “Alright, we are leaving after the burial. The vote is in. Let’s pack up our things, eat before we leave, get anything we can, and we will all help Misty with the stretcher. Okay?”

Everyone says “Yes,” “Sure,” and nods. Everyone leaves to do their jobs as Jackie seems to sulk away, and Shauna, knowing she angered Jackie, goes off to help Misty.

You look over to Jackie, who is sulking and feel really bad. It felt like a pit was growing just a little more in your stomach.

“Jackie-”

“Leave me alone.”

“I’m not like that, Jackie, you know that,” you say as you sit beside her. She is having a hard time right now, and you know she is more anxious than anything. You always knew how to talk to Jackie. “I’m sorry that we have to leave the plane.”

“I don’t think we should go. What if they get here and we’re not here?”

“Well, We’ll make a sign on the plane that we’re at the lake, and then we can make a sign at the lake. If anything, they could see the shore of a lake more than in these dense woods.” You say and look up to the leaves, it’s tough to see the sky, and even with the trees that cleared for the plane, the sky was not clear. Just the ribbons of light that sneaked in between the leaves. “Look up.”

Jackie looks up and looks at the trees. “A rescue plane or helicopter would have difficulty seeing the crash because it would look like a natural opening instead of a crash landing. But if there is a big opening and three signs, we were here. They will know we are here, you know.” You reassure.

Jackie nods but still looks conflicted. She itches her under the thigh and just sighs, “Fine. Whatever.”

“It sucks, I know…” You say as you look at her hand travel to her thigh. You then say, “Do you have anything for that? Do you want me to take a look to see what it is-”

“No, It’s fine.” Jackie declared and looked at you pointedly with her big eyes.

“Okay…” You say, but you move to your bag next to her, pull out your bottle of lotion and put it at her feet. You get up and move to see what you can do before the burial.

Jackie sighed as she took your lotion and put it on her thigh, it was Eczema cream, and it soothed the poison ivy on the back of her knee and thigh. She sighed in relief and felt more at ease with her childhood friend, “Still in the trio.” Jackie thought as she reluctantly spread the moisturizer on her rash.

Van, Misty, and you finish placing the last pile of dirt on the dead. Your hands felt like everything you touched was a dream. Almost everything was surreal. Even the greens around you seemed alien right now, and you didn’t have the will to speak. “Not now, not right now.” You remind yourself as you pat the dirt on Coach Ben’s leg. Tears fell mindlessly down your cheeks. You didn’t have the strength to hold back your tears, wordlessly putting the makeshift shovel onto the ground and standing next to Shauna and Jackie.

“Before we took off, I heard Reachel say she would see Oasis at the meadowlands next month. She was really excited… And she is never gonna hear “Wonderwall” again.” Van spoke when we all stood around the homemade gravestones made from scrap metal.

“Come on.” Laura Lee gently urged everyone. “Let’s join hands. We’ll pray for them. ”

You grab onto Shauna’s hand, feeling the soft skin of her palm and fingers as you squeeze her for comfort as she does the same. A familiar ritual of you ever since you two were children, holding and comforting. You hold Jackie’s clammy delicate hand, she squeezes your hand, and you squeeze back. Holding the hands of the girls you played with in the sandbox when you were just a little girl felt more reassuring than you thought. Seeing your closest friends were safe and holding hands together made you feel so much relief. Knowing that so many people, 23, have died in a crash that should have killed you all sobered your happiness.

“Rachel, you just moved up from JV, so we didn’t know you. But, in Trig, you never confuse your secants and your cosecants. You seemed really smart. Anyone else?”

“I saw her carry a flute case once,” Van blurted out.

“She wore Revlon Goldpearl Plum. She let me borrow it at Homecoming last year.” You added as fat tears rolled down your plumb cheeks.

“Oh, Lord, please accept Reachel Goldman into your arms so she may fill your kingdom with music.” Laura Lee said with closed eyes, and yu felt your heartbreak at those words. Rachel’s family probably would have agreed with Laura Lee and would have been happy to know people cared for her enough to give her a respectful burial. Still, they didn’t know she had died. They’re probably hoping she is alive, thinking that somehow like you, she was standing fine, just needing to be found, but it would never happen. You felt a sob nest in your chest. “Please accept Coach Martinez into your glory, too—and flight attendant Janet, Pilot Robert, and Pilot Fred. And the people we didn’t know the names of, please allow them everlasting peace. Even though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death, take them into your kingdom, Father. Reunite them in your love. Amen.”

Everyone prayed, “Amen.”

Taissa left the circle alone, and everyone started packing for the journey to the lake.

‘21

Shauna Jeff is cheating on me, and he is telling me anything. Just keeps saying that he is staying back for the data inventory.  You Okay  You  Wow You  You need to get proof. I would follow him and see what is up. And if he is, then you get even girl.  Shauna You read my mind lol  Shauna By the way, Callie wants to know what you think of her Instagram post. Shauna I don’t really know what she is talking about? You Girl, she looked great. I didn’t comment on it like I normally do lol! Tell her I think she looks gorgeous in purple!  Shauna What did she post? You A coffee shop pic with her boyfriend. She was wearing a little purple sundress!!!  You  Very pretty!! 💕🫶✨ You Go on Instagram and like it for her Shauna Girl what You You are too attached to Facebook  Shauna  Don’t tell me what I am  You  Shauna, you need to use other social media to see all your cute daughter's pictures and stalk her location. Shauna You can do that??? You Fuck yeah, why do you think I have a fucking Instagram lol Shauna Does Jeff have one?  You  It looks like you got a lead Shipmen Xxx

“(Y/n), your quiet back there? How is your dating life going?”

Natalie scoffed and looked over to Misty in the passenger seat. You sat behind Natalie in the car with your attention on your phone. You used yourself as a buffer for Misty to talk to and for Natalie to speak when she wanted to, but it seemed very noticeable when you silenced yourself.

“Um… Happily single right now and longtime committed to my purple rabbit.” You joke to Misty as you put your phone in your purse.

Natalie chuckled at your comment, and Misty seemed unhappy with how vulgar you were.

“Seriously, you haven’t been out dating anyone? You look amazing for your age.” Misty reassured you that it was why you were not looking out there. Acting like she didn’t know why you were so closed off from ever having to learn another person intimately again and why you would naturally be turned off from it.

“I know I do. My tits still sit on the top of my chest, just sometimes when I sit down, they hit my stomach.” You joke again about age with the two other women. Both laughing at the truth of the comment, Misty snorts a little and fixes her classes. “Tell me about it!” Misty laughed.

“How long till, uh, we get to Travis’s?” Natalie cut in and asks, clearly not enjoying her time in the car with either of you.

"Uh, Three hours and 24 minutes,” Misty reports, and Natalie sighs deeply at the answer. “I-I totally get it. You know, not dating anyone right now. At our age, it’s like all the available ones are crumbs at the bottom of a chip bag.” Misty chuckles. Misty looks down at her phone and says a soft, “Oh. Mostly.”

Natalie scoffs as Misty texts the other person on the phone, “Got a whole chip?”

You chuckle at that, and you see her eyes looking in the review mirror at you. Your eyes meet for a second.

“Just a friend. For now.” Misty chuckles, then laughs softly as she texts the other person at the end.

You looked out the window as you watched the trees passing you by, not hearing any more of the conversation that had lulled now. You felt happy that Misty found someone. But you wanted to cut the person's throat on the other end. Would they hurt Misty? Make Fun of her? The thought of Misty getting used or taken advantage of makes you feel a part of you digress and growl. Something primal and not right, but you can’t stop how familiar it all feels and how safe you are in Its presence.

Natalie drives to a gas station before you can cut yourself out of your thoughts. You remain quiet as your phone vibrates with more texts from Shauna. You couldn’t muster the will to look down at them right now.

“I’m starving,” Natalie says as she takes the keys out of the car. “You want to go grab something while I gas up?” Natalie asked. Her voice gave off the edge and some kind of motive behind them. And Misty was too smart not to catch that.

“Oh!” Misty says and fixes her glasses, “Well, I don’t know what you like. Maybe you should come with me,” She smoothly lied.

You slightly smirk because you knew from reading the room that Misty was scared that you and Natalie would ditch her.

“Chocolate’s good.” Natalie bluntly stated. It didn’t ease the tension.

“Um. well, there’s dark and milk and white.” Misty listed

“Surprise me.” Natalie smoothly stated as she looked Misty down a little. Her black-lined eyes give her a sharper tilt to her gaze. She looked like she could take a bite right out of you.

“Okay,” Misty said very fakely. It caused you to chuckle and grab the back of the headrest of her seat. You lean forward and touch her shoulder.

“I’d like some spicy peanuts and maybe something salty.”

Misty grimaces as she looks at you with a pointed look, “Spicy food? We have another 6 hours on the road there and back. Let alone the time we will spend seeing Travis!” Misty countered you.

You raise an eyebrow and say, “That was very rotten of you to say that.”

“That was not rotten to say that- you know what! I will get you something good.” Misty says as she exits the car, looking cautiously at Natalie again.

Natalie scoffs as she sees Misty walk away, and she immediately starts looking into the glove box of the minivan.

“Okay.” Natalie mocks as she starts to look around the car as Misty walks into the station

“What did she do?” You chuckle humorlessly as you lean against the leather seat.

Natalie doesn’t speak to you as she looks in the front and into the glove box. She pulled out a car plug that had the words Porsche on them.

“Fucking knew it.” She whispers to herself and throws it back. She looks at you and says, “She fucking took my spark plug.”

‘What?!” You say as you lean back up forward.

“Misty can’t be trusted… That little snake.” Natalie sighs to you as she turns to look at you.

“When has anyone trusted that Misty Quigley wouldn’t do something crazy for attention.” You lamented with her; you took a deep breath and told her in the sense of trust between you two. “You should have known better than letting her think you want her back in some way.”

“I didn’t.”

“You did. And because you did, I did. So here we are.”

“I didn’t need you to come to save me. Just back off. I am here to check on Travis, and you can go back to your fucking cave.”

“You shouldn’t have let on you were looking for him, you gave Misty enough to follow you, and you should know better. We all know your dirt, and we all know you, whether you like it or not. You are a fucking bomb waiting to go off, and you have been running away for a long time.” You hiss at her and look at her sharply in the eyes. Her baby blue eyes stare back at yours. An old familiar primal surge comes over you as you feel like you have been in this moment before. 

“Well, I don’t need any fucking help, and I don’t need you telling me about Misty Fucking Quigley.” Natalie spat at you as she left the car with a slam of the door.

You sat in the car with pursed lips. You didn’t like the energy that was in the car anymore. You didn’t know why you had an outburst like that with her. But how fucking dare she talk to you like that. You have been kind to her, and she has been an asshole to you all day; you have had it.

Misty returns to the car with a grocery bag and jerky in the other. Misty chats with Natalie outside the car before she comes into the car with a snarl.

“Someone is in a bad mood.”

“A fucking horrible mood.”

“Do you need to curse so much?”

“What did you get me, baby cakes?” You changed the subject as you looked over her shoulder. She hands you two bags and an icy bottle of water. It is honey-roasted peanuts and Chipotle Jerky. You smile because at least she got you something spicy, and a craving was honored; she was very kind in her odd way.

“Aw, Misty, this is perfect, thank you. You’re right. I would have had a stomach ache if I ate all the spicy nuts.”

“I know.”

“Shh. Silence.”

Misty chuckles as she takes another bite of her jerky. You rip open your bag and greedily take the spiced meat to pieces into your hand. You sink your teeth into the dried beef as the strains separate in your mouth, with each muscle strain salted and flavorful. It was sweetly smoked by some kind of wood as the cayenne and chili danced on your tongue. It was similar to a Mexican taco you had in upstate New York that wasn’t that authentic but something that made you come back for more. You moan as you relish in the guilty pleasure of still loving a good piece of jerky even after everything that happened. Sometimes your thoughts haunt you. “What if I liked it?” you thought sometimes as you chewed down on the juicy meat that reminded you of them.

“Misty, try some.”

“I don’t like spicy food, honey.” Misty’s voice was plain with reticence as she took the meat from your fingers.

“Try it, please, Misty.” You say a little sweeter, and you eat another yourself.

Misty takes the piece into her mouth as Natalie enters the car; she sided eyes both of you as she says, “Jerky, really?”

“Yeah, it’s good.” You say back to her with an old tone you had thought you had lost. It felt odd having two of your old friends back, and it made some things come out of you again.

“Your right, honey; that is not bad.”

“Right!”

‘96 

Soon after the burial, people grouped up and prepared to leave from the plane to the lake. You walked in the back with Jackie, for a while, and Mari. The beginning of your hike was comprised of Mari talking to you and Jackie about Theo Stevens in her Bio class, who has been giving her a lot of side eyes, which as a good friend you feed into her fantasy that he was “so checking her out.”

The hike took as long as you remember, but it seemed longer for the whining of Jackie and Mari, who seemed to bond significantly on the trip through their complaints. Every step felt like a mile. Sores on your heels and big toe, but you didn’t even have the energy to voice your pain. You can see Coach Ben struggling for the last 40 minutes with Misty and Marissa ahead of you, the two girls having trouble moving him. It felt like complaining about a hang nail to someone with a bullet wound; it didn’t stop Jackie and Mari, but it sure as fuck stopped you.

After a while, you and Taissa were sure you were off the trail you found earlier, but you were going in the same direction; you two came to the conclusion that you all would “eventually get to the lake.”. Tai insisted that she would keep leading the hiking party and she could do her own thing with Van beside her. 

Every other minute, You take your pocket knife and cut a heart on the trees to make a guide back to the plane, and suddenly a rotten horrendous smell comes to your nose. You gag to yourself but caught the ears of Jackie and Mari behind you. 

“What?” Jackie huffed as she looked over your shoulder to see your twisted face.

“I don’t know, You don’t smell that?” You ask.

Lottie and Jackie, now even Tai notice that the back has stopped. “Smell what?”

“I don’t know-” You started and were cut off by Natalie.

“Holy shit.” She says, taken back. You look at what she is talking about as all the yellowjackets walk forward, a gutted bear. The sound of flies and maggots comes to your ear before your eyes can register what is in front of you as you all continue hiking. The chest of the black bear was torn open down to its navel, small and large intestines sprawled out of the wound with semi-dried blood seeping out of the pores of the organs, innards from up in the cavity shredded down to the bottom. The beast was abused by whatever killed it before it died from the exposed flesh under the thick brown fur. A crow proudly sits on top the dead animal, picking on the remaining leftovers of meat. 

“Oh, God, I’m gonna puke,” Jackie complained as she walked behind you.

“What could have done that?” Shauna queried the group, her brown eyes looking straight at the bear. Worry set in her eyes.

“Probably wolves. They move in packs and fight in packs. Nothing can survive them. Not even a bear.” You say, offhandedly, something not too problematic because it was only natural for wolves to be in these woods. You kept walking.

“They can kill a fucking bear?” Natalie was amazed and horrified.

“Oh, yeah. Wolves can kill anything if its pack is big enough.” You say your eyes haven’t moved an inch from the bloody bear. You blink a few times before you snap out of it. You start to lead the hiking team, “Let’s get moving. We’re almost to the water.”

“What do we do if wolves come, (Y/n)?” Misty asks you. She stares at the bear before looking forward again. Everyone seemed to be engrossed with the brutal proof of nature’s violence, it’s ugly and gross, but it was real. It seemed more natural to you than you being in those woods.

“We are a big pack ourselves. We would probably scare them away if we sitck together. Let’s not get too worried… We should only worry if it’s a pack of 30 or something.”

“Very comforting.” Natalie snarked as she walked ahead of you. And you didn’t have the energy to say anything more. You just look at your feet and walk, letting yourself be quiet momentarily.

The woods always had that kind of power. They make you still for a few moments to just breathe and let it in. It makes you think clearer because of the green, or the breeze, of the freedom in the trees. It used to make you quiet and grateful for the peaceful views, but only now, it seems to ground you differently.

You miss your mom and dad. You miss your mom a lot and just want to call her. To tell her that everything was okay, that you were okay. That everything was just a stupid mistake and you were alive, and coming home in a few days. Your mom should have taken her medicine a few hours ago, and what if your dad couldn’t give it to her? What if your dad was off at work, and they both don’t know anything yet? They will find out in a few days when none of you return. Or do they know this story? Is it all over the news with your parents demanding answers, worried sick about you? You know how much they love you and how much this hurts them because it is hurting you. It hurts more than your black eyes and your achy neck.

A sinking hole.

It felt like a dreading hole that burrowed into your chest. It felt neverending, and it caused your breathing to hurt.

Worst of all, when you felt the sharp jolt of pain of neck when you moved your head to the side too much or too fast, was becoming overbearing. Every deep breath or pant causes a pain to spread down your upper back. It was getting to you as you felt a thump with every step. You wanted to float in the water; sweat was on your brow and collecting in your shirt.

You just kept walking with your eyes on your shoes, looking at the moss and dead leaves, when your thoughts wandered. Thankfully, Van stopped your thoughts by finding the lake and screaming for everyone to follow her.

“Come On, Let’s go!” She squeals with the others. Shauna, Jackie and you just followed behind with a second wind of excitement. It felt like running with marbles in your shoes at this point, but you couldn’t seem to care as the water welcomed you with open arms from the Sun’s heat. Van starts ripping off her shirt as she runs in front of you. She takes the scrunchie out of her hair and haphazardly throws it with her shirt. You start laughing out of happiness, and before you can even think, before the words of your father come to mind, you take off your backpack and throw your luggage with it. You stop at your personal pile, snatch off your shirt, and tug off your bottoms.

Behind you were the girls that ran past you. Their eyes seemed to be engrossed by the view in their way. Many have known you for a long time, some from childhood, and they have never seen your body. Brown, green, and blue eyes are all seen to scan you as the first- and second-year students happily stripped to swim in the lake. The girls didn’t know what to do besides study the curve of your side, the way your body naturally plumped in places. It was beautiful. The way that your back seemed more sensual from this angle of your bending down to put down your shirt, then when you sway your hips side to side to tug the bottoms off of yourself, seemed to make a reaction out of some of them.

Misty, helping bring Coach Ben to the shore, felt a mass tingling at the sight alone. She saved the image in her mind forever. Shauna swimming out with Lottie, Laura Lee, and Van all seemed to lull their splashing as they tried to call to you but were silenced by how your skin looked bare in the sun for a second.

Shauna was breathless and nervous, guilty of what she did and what she felt for Jackie. Now something new came over her for you again. She wanted to bury it like she buried her feelings for Jackie. Shauna looks away quickly.

Lottie studied you without shame; she always knew of the pneumatic way your body was shaped and hidden underneath your clothes. However, she was ashamed of herself and didn’t want anyone to see her seeing you like that. She thought they would see she was in love with you with just one look.

As you pass Jackie, Mari, and Natalie, when Travis splashes them with the cold water, saying a blunt, “Travis, no one likes you.” before diving into the cold lake. Natalie scanned down your body. She has always admired you and your kindness, but as you made fun of Travis it made something tug in Natalie’s chest. Nat always knew that if there was a girl she would be with, it was you. She cowardly looks away and talks to Jackie and Mari. Natalie hides in the conversation with them about Travis. How he is hot, Natalie disagrees and wants to say something about you but bites her tongue.

You swim over to Shauna, Lottie, and Van and splash water onto them. Giggling and laughing out of control. You start playing tug of war in the water with Shauna on your shoulders. Shauna sightly squeezes her thighs and muffles your ears, she feels you against her, and she quickly moves to her position like she is adjusting her seat on your shoulders.

You and Van hold eye contact; she smiles at you widely and happily. Her emerald eyes shine back into your (e/c) eyes, and a small conversation is shared without words. It was just a little humor between you two, it made you happy, even when you and Shauna were pushed back into the water. Van is laughing and loving spending time with you but is happier that she won. Vanessa and Taissa share a look together, as Taissa rebraids Akilah’s hair. For a long time, they had been together, and for a long time, you seemed to be the only subject the two seemed to avoid speaking about. But when Van looks over to Taissa, who was checking you out just as much as Van was, the two seem to realize something at that moment.

You swim away with Lottie after everyone gets tired from playing. You two just float lazily in the water, holding hands. You feel relaxed for the first time in days, and the neck pain subsides. Lottie lets go of your hand to swim slightly off, but she stops. Standing on the sand with her toes buried into it to stand firm as she watched something in the distance, you stood yourself and saw a shining reflection of something in the trees.

“Guys!” Lottie shouts. She points with a wary smile, “Look.”

Everyone sees what you see. It’s a cabin up the hill to the left. It felt like some kind of prayer was answered this morning. It makes you smile and laugh manically as you quickly swam back to the shore. The others follow behind you with hope racing through them. You tell everyone as they are on shore.

“Okay, we found something up that hill. It’s some kind of reflections of a window. So, injured, rest here, and we will check it out and see if it is okay to go into. Misty, Uh, honestly, Anyone who isn’t a senior, stay here with the injured and rest. Senior Yellowjackets, Let’s check this place out!” You say excitedly and tell the girls, “We’ll come get you as soon as we know it is safe to go in there.”

“Girls, be careful.” Coach Ben says to you guys as you start running away. He doesn’t care much at the moment was you all run off, he is lost in his own head.

You and the others start running up the hill with your shoes wet from the lake and your clothes sticking to your body from the water. You and the other seniors rush up the incline to what could be the only break you have found in these dense woods.

‘21

As you expected, you were arrested shortly after when Natalie smashed the window of Travis's front door when you got there. It felt wrong going into his home unannounced, let alone breaking in, after not seeing him in decades. Misty was being a little detective and Natalie looked a little emotional looking over her old best friends things. You were out of place, you and Travis have no connection outside of the crash.  It felt like how it did many times out there in the woods, a dulling and distance that you built to cope with the horrors out there. But, it never left you after you were saved. You felt this way sometimes when you get too stressed or sad. You‘re on autopilot and you don't act out of character, even when you are fully checked out. When you check back in after your adrenaline dies down, you were sitting next to Misty and still talking. Misty was talking about her bird, Caligula, and how because he is a Hyacinth Macaw that he couldn't eat most bird seed.  Natalie was out taking her first call. 

“How is your dad doing?” Misty asked next to you. “I heard you put him in a nursing home.”

“Yeah, He started needing medication a lot and constant care. But he is still doing good for a 89 year old.”

Misty nods, “He is a good guy. He always helped me with my car when I came over.”

“I mean, how could he be not friendly to you? You were the one to come over to see his weird daughter.”

“You weren’t weird!” Misty protested and turned to look at you. Her ashy blonde curls bounced. “You were so cool! I came over every night!”

You chuckle, and you bump shoulders with Misty. You say to her, “We were weird together. Thank you for being my friend back then.”

“I am still your friend.”

“I know. I want to be close again.” You confess to her as you look into her brown eyes. She is flustered, and you can tell, “You have no idea how much I missed you in New York, Misty. I didn’t have my friend-” You stop yourself from getting emotional. You remember leaving for NYU in 2002 and how you had to leave your home.

“I-I would like that too.”

“You remember when you fed me soup after my neck surgery?”

Misty chuckled, fixing her glasses, “You spit soup on me.” She laughed.

“You made me laugh!” You giggle at her and lean on her shoulder again. Your neck aches slightly from the angle, but it didn’t hurt like when you were younger.

“Alright, Misty Quigley, you have your phone call.” The police officer cut into the conversation and held Natalie by the arm as he walked her back into the cell. Misty left, and You were left with Natalie.

You feel yourself come back to your body when you realize you will be alone with Natalie again, and right now doesn’t seem like a good time to be chatty.

“I don’t try to be a bomb, you know.” Natalie said to you randomly as she leaned against the wall. She is finally talking about what you said in the car. 

There is a moment you don’t know what to say. You didn’t even know if this is still real anymore. You simply say, “I know you don’t, Nat.”

“You were right. I shouldn’t have given Misty enough to follow me so you and her didn’t have to be in all this mess.”

You look at her with more softness than you want to. You felt a tenderness to the sound of her voice still. After all this time, Natalie still had her way with words to make you miss who she once was. Primal and passionate, with no fear except death. A free time and a time that seemed to linger in the words you spoke together. The roles you played never left your head, even as you saved yourselves in your own ways, and it still lingered in the way you talk together. 

“Uh, I don’t mind.” You joke as you smile at her, trying to make things better. You don’t know why she left you alone that night years ago, and you didn’t even want to know. You want her to be okay. “I would rather be here with you than you be alone.”

Natalie scoffs softly to herself and looks at her shoes, “Don’t say that.”

“Why?”

“You shouldn’t be here. You, out of everyone, don’t need to be here… I'm sorry.”

“All forgiven if you get us out of here.” You say and look over to the cops that work at their desks. You know you should be mad, even vengeful, but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel any of that. “I haven’t lived in a while. I have been a hermit for the last 20 years. This doesn’t hurt me too much.”

“All forgiven?” Natalie raised an eyebrow. She looks at you sharply at your choice of words. It seemed to hit something inside of her that she didn’t want to have poked.

“I-I didn’t mean-”

“We’re not there anymore, (Y/n). You don’t have the power to forgive anything. Or anyone.” Natalie said as she felt the need to remind you of your own part in the past. As someone who was ashamed and scared but always forgave others. You made them feel forgiven for something more significant. But you didn’t have the power. You never did. You can’t forgive the sins you all have done.

It eats you whole.

“You’re right. You’re not forgiven, Natalie.” You chided as if you had no control over your tone and words. It felt exposing to have her see through you and see you still holding onto the comfort in your old power. The power in who you thought you were when you 18, with the powers that you all thought you found in the mountains, that had never truly left you. But you know she hasn't let go of the past too. “I don’t have the power to do so, but you have wronged me like many others. You can’t make my forgiveness anything more than it is, You already did that, and it didn’t take you that far, don’t make me your scapegoat again.”

Natalie scoffed as Misty came back with a smile with the same police officer. “Looks like it’s your lucky day. Someone posted your bail.”

You didn’t even feel real. You weren’t supposed to be here.

‘96

Your feet are numb as you try to run stiffly beside the other seniors to the cabin up the hill. The only sign of human hands that have ever touched these woods for what seemed to be thousands of miles. As you all rush to the wooden door, you start screaming, whining, moaning, crying for anyone there to help.

“HELP! HELLO! WE NEED HELP! ANYONE HOME?!” you yell to the cabin. You and Jackie work on the door. You look behind you and see Lottie looking on with horror at the cabin, scared of it.

You and Jackie overpower the door to open with teamwork, and your weight on it. It opens to old dusty decorations and furniture laid out in the space like it was once a home of some kind as you cautiously entered the home.

“Hello? Is anyone here?” Jackie called out into the home.

“Maybe they just went on a hike?” Mari asked behind you, walking further into the home.

“Yeah, like a decade ago.” Jackie sassed. “It reeks in here.”

Cobwebs and a sour smell you couldn’t place lingered in the home. It smelt like old antiques and some kind of leather. The rotten smell of wood or meat from long ago stained the atmosphere. It was creepy and old, with bones of deer on the mantle placed above the fireplace.

“You two, look in the Pantry for any food. Everyone else, look around for stuff we can use,” Taissa says to the girls in the cabin; Travis walks in from the door. “First aid, Flashlights, tools.”

Jackie walks out with a can of beans in her hand. She starts to open it as she walks into the living room. “What the hell? Jackie, that’s not your personal buffet.”

Jackie stills and gags, dropping the rotten beans onto the floor. They shined with a green hue that made you want to gag yourself. “See, this is why we should’ve stayed in the plane!” She snaps to you.

You look at her wide-eyed and say, “Yeah, well, we didn’t. We all decided to leave. A can of rotten beans is why we should have never found the cabin?”

“This is a fucking nightmare.” Jackie storms out of the house with a stomp with every step. She is not having any of this.

You and Shauna share a look, urging her to go follow Jackie. Somethings never ends, like you two always having to comfort jackie after she freaks out. 

From the back of the kitchen, Van calls out to the group with a massive pile of Playboy Magazines before slamming them down onto the dusty kitchen table. Dust flies into the air like smoke from a fire. “Well, hello.” Van comedically calls, “Don’t worry, guys. We might be stuck in the middle of nowhere, but there’s porn.”

You giggle and walk over to the magazines, seeing tits and thin women posing on pages. Not your thing, but seeing boobs and the female form that wasn’t your friends was excellent. “Nice tits.” You say as you scan the pages of the old 1968 issue of Playboy.

“Holy shit,” Mari says as Natalie and Akilah look over Van’s shoulder to view the porn. It was kinda freeing to be so openly entertained by porn with your "normal" friends. The friends don’t feel like their cheeks are burning or that they feel turned on by how some of the girls smile on the paper, but they all seem to like it nonetheless—admiring the beauty of another woman.

Travis looks over, eyeing up what we got, and acts like he is not interested with an unmistakable shine to his eye.

“Hey, this guy kind of looks like you, flex.”

“If only any of you actually looked like her.”

“Well, talking like that is why you are a virgin and will always be a virgin, Travis.” You joke back to him, looking over the pages.

“Do guys, like, actually jerk off to this stuff?” 

“Nah, We-we hate that shit. You know, you can’t even tell what her favorite book is.” Travis lies, trying his best to seem like a sensitive and not meatheaded guy, but at the end of the day he is just some guy who looks boobs. Because you know that you will be touching yourself later to those images, and you don’t doubt he will.

You laugh loudly at his words before he can speak more, or the others can either. You slam the magazine down and wipe a tear that formed from his atrocious acting. Van is trying and failing to hold in her laughs, Mari and Akilah giggling. As you leave them alone, you just snicker, “I’m checking out the pantry.”

You chuckle to yourself as you look around the empty cabinet. In the corner, you find a comforting sight. It was a fishing pole, a fisher box, and two rolls of big fishing line. It looked like something you would find in your dad’s garage. Your dad liked to work in there with his truck. He would handle work at his workbench and play old music on the radio. He fished for a living, always smelt of the sea and cigarettes. The image of your dad sitting on the bench smoking a cigarette as he works on something your mom bought from Goodwill, as he just quietly did his task. Sometimes he would feel you staring at him and let you sit on his lap as he worked, holding his tools, and you just loved sitting against his muscular chest as a kid. You and your dad were best friends when you were little, you were his little helper, and you never were more grateful as you found a food source for everyone. Yeah, the rod is a little rusted and old, but you were sure you could find some oil and something to scrub the rust away.

You, alone, keep looking around the near-empty cabinet, and you notice the stairs that go up to a door for an upper floor. You don’t think much before stepping up the steps, the girls talking and walking around in the other room.

You don’t think much before you put your hand on the old handle of the attic door, and you don’t think much as you open it that it’s empty at first glance. You look to the ceiling as you step up the steps, half your body in the level before you look around the ground, and your eyes stop on a shape in the back of the room.

Your heart stops.

The girls voice sounds like echoes down a few feet from you.

The sweat on your brow dries to a cold sweat.

Your eyes widen as a gasp holds in your throat, your mouth open as a scream is stuck inside you, a hand covering your mouth.

A man's mummified body sits in an old rocking chair with a hunting rifle in his hands. His head was opened from the back, and it was clear as day what his fate was. The man had shot himself in the mouth, and he was never found until you opened that door. The smell of leather and decay was strong in this room. 

It was the fate you felt in your bones that was now yours.

“(Y/n)-” Van says behind you, and you quickly shut the door with a bang, and you turn to look at her. Her lighthearted face drops as she looks at your face. She cringes at the loud sounds of the bang. “(Y/n), What’s wrong?”

“Um, I need to call a meeting.” You rush as you leave the cabinet and grab Van’s firm bicep. She was flexing her arm as she quickly followed you, and you quieted and seemed unable to speak.

“Guys!” Van called for the others as she followed you. You look at the others with a pale face. You felt scared. But you couldn’t let go of the only shelter in the woods. Everyone, worriedly, circles you.

You couldn’t do this anymore.

This is so fucked up. 

Fat tears fill your eyes as you look at each of the seniors, croaking, “There is a dead body in the attic… He killed himself decades ago-”

“What the fuck!” Natalie whispers to herself, completely freaked out.

Jackie says with eyes like saucers, “Are you fucking serious, (Y/n)?!”

A chorus of shock and disgust, and you let your tears fall, but you pull yourself together very quickly. “Okay. Okay.” You start as you wipe a tear with your palm. “The cabin is in fucking great condition for being left alone for so long. It needs little fixes. We need this cabin to survive before the rescue comes and gets us.”

“No, (Y/n), I say no. We’re going back to the plane.”

You feel your patience run thin as you tell your childhood friend, “Jackie, we have no other choice. This is the first shelter we have found here, and you are telling me we shouldn’t sleep somewhere warm and dry at night?”

“No, We shouldn’t sleep in a house with a fucking dead body!”

“I agree! This place has such a bad feeling.” Lottie says.

“No, we need to stay here. This is a fucking home. We need this.” Taissa fought back.

“Okay, Let’s vote. All in favor of staying at the cabin.” You say and raise your hand. You, Travis, Taissa, Van, Laura Lee, and Natalie. The ones against were Jackie, Shauna, Lottie, Mari, and Akilah.

Majority rule.

“We need to do this the right way. We need to bury him.” Laura Lee says to the group. She nods to the cabin and says, “There is a shovel in there.”

“Can you and Van start digging… I don’t one the others to see this. Anyone go tell the others to come if you want, and you can leave to get everything and the stuff at the lake if you don’t want to see this.” You ramble. You knew what you had to do for the group. This is your only chance of survival, and your dad’s voice echoes in your mind.

A dull feeling comes over your neck. It felt like a hand comforting a pain underneath. 

“I need help moving the body. It's ancient…”

“I’ll come,” Taissa says, putting a hand on your shoulder for comfort. You only then realize you are staring a thousand miles away and look at her face.

“Me too.” Shauna jumped in, she comes closer to you and holds your hand.

“Shauna-”

“I’m not letting (Y/n) do it alone, Jackie.” Shauna pleads to Jackie as she comes over to you too. Her warm brown eyes hit your face, and her arm wraps around your waist in a hug.

Jackie, Mari, Lottie, and Travis leave to get the others and everything left behind on the shore of the lake. You soberly enter the house and quickly walk up the stairs to the attic. You confront the sour smell of mummification as you stop at the door to the second level. Taissa and Shauna were behind you, not wanting to do the dirty work that was about to happen.

You take a deep breath as your father's voice comes to your mind.

“You’re not a little girl. You can’t cry anymore.”

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry.

You take another deep breath and ball up your fists. You rush over behind the chair of the corpse.

You push the chair, scraping on the floor, eerily groans in the home. You hold your breath, keeping out the dirty air, as you push it toward the stairs.

Shauna and Taissa gasped like you did when you first seen him as you pushed the chair to the door. Their hands are over their mouths, and they watch in horror as you move infront of the body.

You try to keep your eyes off the body, but you can’t help but glance up at his face.

Empty eye sockets look back into yours. They were burning an unsaid truth of the two of you.

This was your fate if you were never found.

You grab under the arms of the body, and you lift the body with surprising ease. The leathery and weathered skin of the body rubbed against the soft skin of your hand. You felt the epidermis of the skin slide unnaturally from the muscle of the body, it slip with the pressure of your hold. It shook you to your core. You quickly pull the body down as you move down the latter steps. You don’t say a word before Shauna and Taissa grab a limp of the leathery body to help you carry it down. All of you run outside with the very light body.

The skin was flaking off with every step you took.

As you walk outside, Van is working double time, throwing the dirt behind her to make a 4 foot grave. Laura Lee took Van to move as they both, with horror, looked at the three of you carrying the body and laying it gently down into the grave.

As you crouch with the other two, you can’t help but have a sob come out of you as you let go of the body. This was someone. This was a man, a son, maybe a brother, father, or husband. And he is a fucking mummy in the Canadian forest out in the middle of nowhere.

You slump down from your exhausted legs, laying beside the hole in the ground, and cry infront of the other girls. This was all too much. You just wanted to get away from all of this. You get up and try not to touch your face before you can at least put on some hand sanitizer.

You stand still as you try to swallow the tears. You look up into the sky, hoping that all these feelings can get you out of it. The blue sky seemed to urge you to pray to something for help. It worsens as you look up because the fat tears fall down your cheeks.

You look at the other girls as you try to stop your sobs and walk away. You walk behind the cabin and cry into the air as quietly as you can. You never wanted to know how a mummy felt. You wished he never was in there. You wish you were never in these woods. You wish you were home cuddling with your mom in her bed in the living room. You weren’t supposed to be here.

You see Van and Shauna come from the side of the house and turn to see you, both deeply worried and with tears in their eyes.

You welcome Van and Shauna into your arms as they do you. You don’t stop the tears as you cry into Shauna’s shoulder like a little girl again. Vanessa kisses your forehead and says into your ear, “It’s all okay now. He is buried and gone. It’s all okay.”

As the night settled, the tingling inch on your skin didn’t. The girls around you slept, Shauna beside you and Jackie beside her. You slept in the dark corner of the living room of the cabin. It was a very emotionally high day for everyone. From the hike, and happiness of finding the cabin, to the horror of seeing the mummy. You didn't feel like you were really processing anything really afterwards, because you didn't even react when Coach Ben had a freak out and punched Misty in the nose. 

Your hands twist the semi-rusted fishing pole together. It was still in great shape but needed some TLC.  You lined the wheel, put on a bait without the hook, and had the white berries from the morning. You felt hope come over you slightly as it looked familiar and good. You weren’t the best at fishing, but you knew how to do it. “I can do this. We got food and water.” You thought and sighed.

You place the rod against the wall as quietly as possible, not to disturb the others' sleeping. You needed a moment. The air was too thick in there. So stuffy. 

You slip out of the room without a creek and feel the cool spring breeze hit your face. But as you walk around the porch on the other side of the house, you confront the back of Lottie.

“Hey, what are you doing out here. Having a hard time sleeping?” You ask Lottie as you come up behind her. You stand beside her as she crosses her arms and looking into the wilderness. 

Lottie looks at you with manic eyes and says, “I just have a bad feeling about this place.” She whispers to you emotionally. Like she was scared to say anymore. 

“Yeah, it is pretty stinky.” You joke and sigh as you lean against a pillar. “And there are spiders that could eat your face… But it’s our only choice to sleep somewhere warm.”

Lottie isn’t convinced, and you feel slightly annoyed as you sigh, “Lottie, I am not letting you sleep out here for bad vibes. I am sure we can find some stuff in the woods tomorrow to help clean the place of all the bad vibes” 

Lottie looks over to you with her eyes looking unmoved. She doesn’t want to move. 

You approach her and grab her shoulders to look at you, “Lottie, close your eyes.” 

“Why?” 

“Just close your eyes. And take a deep breath of air.” You say, eyes closed, and take a deep breath of air. “Let’s both just ground ourselves for a moment.” 

You hear Lottie take a deep breath with you. And you two do this back and further a few times. 

"Just feel the wilderness with you. It breathes you in as you breath it in." You say and take the finally big breath with her. 

Before you can open your eyes, you feel lips against your own. You open your eyes to see Lottie kiss you with a hand coming up to cup your face. She sucks onto your lip sweetly and leans into your body against the pillar. She quickly pulls back and says, "Sorry-I’m sorry I was so wrong for that-”

“No!” You squeaked, your body feeling hot as she kissed you. You look at her guilty face and think it was a straight girl wanting comfort. You get it. The kiss was nice. “It’s okay. Let’s just act like it never happened, okay? No weird feelings.” 

“No weird feelings,” Lottie says back to you with a smile. The both of you walk back into the new nest the Yellowjackets have claimed as their own. 

‘21

Misty was very tired and wanted to go home before she wouldn’t have any sleep for work the next day. You sweetly told her you understood, and Natalie dropped her off at her cute little house. Misty opens your door with a smile, and she hugs you before you can get your keys out; you close your eyes and hug her back.

“You are leaving me with Natalie.” You whisper into her ear, groaning that you have to spend more time with Natalie when you want to be far away from her.

Misty chuckled and rubbed you back up and down with her tiny hand, a mocking pout as she said, “You’ll be okay for another twenty minutes, honey. You got this.”

You smile, pull back, and say to her as she enters her house. “I got this.”

And as you thought, you didn't have this. The drive with Natalie is at tense as you thought it was as you drove down the drive to Natalie’s hotel. You felt dirty for how you spoke to her. It was so wrong what you said, and you said it because you believed it. Every word you said had venom.

And the worst part is that Natalie isn’t even mad. She is a fuck up. She fucked so many things up, and just because you owe her your life, it didn’t mean how she acted was right. How she acted to you since she knew you have never been fair, and she knew that. She couldn’t help it. She never wanted to see you leave her, so she left you first, and Natalie needed you to stay away from her heart which always seemed to bleed when she saw your beautiful face. You never did make her feel judged. You made Natalie feel checked. And she didn’t want to feel that all the time, but she also knew she needed that now more than ever. She is lost. Travis is gone.

You feel the urge to speak and be honest. For a moment, you see blonde hair in the corner of your eyes and the awkward teenage nervousness with the coolest girl in school. But you knew her. This is your Natalie. You must explain yourself before not seeing her again; You know what is on her mind now that Travis has killed himself.

“I don't think that I have ever really gotten you, Natalie…” You confessed with a prolonged breath. You felt a weight come off you when you just said it plainly to her, and a sadness tugged on your twitching eye. Knuckles white, holding the wheel as you continue in a calmer breath, “You change all the time and I can never get a clear look at who you are. Like if I thought you were a solid, you are actually a gas, but before I can accept that, you become a solid again. I may not be the most accepting, but I have always tried for you. Because the one thing I know about you that never changes is that I love you, and you love me in your own way.” You almost whisper at the end; your eyes peek over to see her staring straight into your face.

Natalie was silent as she watched you, she knew she was that way, especially towards you—her doe. “I’m sorry, (y/n). I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know. I know, Nat. That is why I never closed the door to you.” You say as you pull into the hotel. You wanted to say more and let the years of frustrating confusion and love just come out. But you know better. You know Natalie, and you know yourself. This is as far as it will go. “I told you back then, and I will tell you now, I will always love you."

You look over when you parked and finish what you said, and her face looks like something came over her. Natalie usually was guarded and cagey when she was emotional. But, in this moment of honesty with you, it felt good even though it was not all good. 

You and Natalie were the only reason that the yellowjackets' survived. The pride of it sank from the weight of the price that it was to survive out in those cold woods. The decisions, the projects, and the goals twisted and darkened with the reality that once was. Natalie was your rock as you were hers, but you were more of an island that housed the girls lost at sea with a lighthouse welcoming them with a smile. Natalie always envied that about you, never to admit it, but to be able to comfort the way you do.

The nights Natalie cuddled into your stomach for warmth, how her lips kissed your skin gently with reverence of the world, and how she held your face to have you fed.

You know her best and worst, just as Natalie knew yours.

“I’m sorry,” Natalie whispered, trying her hardest not to let the tears fall.

You felt your nose tingle and your chin quiver as you look over at her, water lining your eyes. You were slightly overwhelmed with emotion, longing for a different ending to your story and mourning the girls that once were you two.

You whisper to her, “I love you… I want you to love yourself to be better. Not just the rehabs and the AAs, but, like, better, Natalie. I had to do that. I was locked in my house for years before I thought about being “normal” again.”

“I have never been normal.” Natalie jabbed as she took off her seatbelt. But she didn’t move from her seat because even she knew this needed to be said.

“No, you are cool. That was better.” You chuckle lightheartedly, trying to ease the weight you feel for her. The regret never fail to get you emotional. Natalie chuckles, and then she starts to cry quietly. “You know I am always there even if we are miles away, okay? I am still the same (Y/n).”

You put your hand to rub her back, and she lets you. She cries in her hands for a few seconds and doesn’t push you away.

“I don’t know what you think of me, and I don’t really care. I need you to know that for me knowing you has been so important to me. Thank you for being exactly who you were and are, Natalie Scatorccio."

Suddenly, like she remembered why she was there, she opened the door and left the car coldly, without a word.

You take a deep breath, close your eyes, and nod at the behavior. You love her but can’t help; she wouldn’t let you. It’s a lost love for a good reason. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t fucking break your heart. You take another breath and tell her, even though she can’t hear you, “It’s okay. I get it, Natalie.” 

You pull out of the parking lot and don’t want to be on the road anymore. And you drive to the closest place you know and park in front of their house like you usually do.

You knock on the door politely and feel yourself mask the sadness until you can talk about it better. You look at your old watch, the handy-down watch your dad gave you on your 30th birthday; seeing it was 10:30 pm, you sigh when you hear the footsteps at the door.

Warm brown eyes look into yours, and your lower lip quivers slightly.

“Hey, Stinky.”

“Hey, Smelly.” You smile and lead forward to Shauna, Hugging her deeply.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were coming tomorrow? Callie is at Ashley’s, and Jeff is “at work” and-”

“I just wanted to see you.” You sniffled and pulled back, giving her a tight-lipped smile, “Coffee?”

“Fuck yeah, let's have some coffee.” Shauna smiled, pulling you into having your weekly gossip and venting session with her best friend early.

As your body walks into Shauna’s home, someone watches the back of your head as you enter the house. Their eyes looked onto the back of your body. She remembers you, thinks about you often, on that day at the lake, and how you swam beside them and laughed. You tried your most challenging at that time, and she remembered how beautiful you were when you became someone who saved everyone. You were a crucial part of her survival, the whole pack's survival. She leaned against the white leather seats of the van, and she lit a cigarette as she watched you do your weekly routine with Shauna. Her fingers rub the leather wheel of the car, and her knuckles are white as she holds in something darker that has plagued the last 25 years. She was fucked up, and she knew it. She wanted to own you. She would be lost without you to ground her, to reassure her of reality and what it meant to be free now. The urge to go out of the car and try to get you back, pull into the car to keep you once again. She says softly, with her eyes blinking uncontrollably, ���Goodnight, (y/n), Goodnight.” they then start the black van and drives out of the suburb.

[nyuheartbreak]

WOAH!!

im opening up asks, so feel free to ask me about stuff (preferably about isat because i am going crazy over that game) however idk if u mention a fandom i like i'll talk about it ALSO!! DOODLE REQUESTS TOO!! isat stuff!! so if u want a doodle of a isat character just- dont be weird in my inbox ANOTHER THING!! im reblogging stuff now, so sorry for the jumpscare

tags i use will be in the- well- tags

also hii call me deli or nyu or reona and i go be she/they

[robertdowneyjjr]

Congrats on graduating grad school!

Picture Tony bursting into Steve’s room/place of business to announce his finishing of grad school feeling what you are feeling now. How would they celebrate? Maybe Tony has been waiting to confess his feelings until he was done and has time now and he better use this moments and it’s energy before he wimps out!!!

ahh i’m so sorry it’s taken me a while to respond, but thank you so much!!

now, i’ve given this a lot of thought and i wanted to give it a bit of a canon spin. imagine a post-avengers timeline where everything is domestic and beautiful and we never had to worry about ultron or thanos or magic rocks or any of that. imagine.

——

Steve’s in his studio, putting the finishing touches on a painting he’s been working on for the last two weeks when Tony comes in quietly. He’s holding his hands behind his back, shuffling his feet as if he’s nervous about something. He kind of looks the way he does whenever he’s got something for the team, like surprise gear upgrades or invitations to events. So Steve puts his paintbrush down, wipes off the stray paint from his hands the best he can, and stands up to greet his friend.

“Hey Tony. Whatcha got there?”

Tony smiles and presents Steve with a dark purple envelope. The paper is of good quality, and when he opens it, the contents inside are printed on thick card stock.

It’s an invitation to New York University’s commencement ceremony in May.

“Oh, this is nice! Are you speaking at their graduation this year?” Steve asks.

“Not quite.” Tony chews on his lip a bit before he continues. “I’ll actually be one of the graduates. And I was hoping you’d like to come and watch me cross that stage.”

Oh. Steve had no idea that Tony had been spending his time on another degree. He was busy a lot, true, but he always just assumed that he was working on projects for SI when he wasn’t doing anything Avengers-related. Steve can’t imagine how Tony managed to juggle what basically amounts to two full time jobs and a full time degree. But they don’t call Tony Stark a genius for nothing, and if anyone was going to pull off something like this, it would be Tony.

“Oh wow! Tony, that’s amazing. Congratulations! Of course I’ll be there to cheer you on. We all will.”

“Ah, well, I’d be glad to see the rest of the team there too, obviously.” Tony’s eyes crinkle as he smiles at Steve, and a slight flush crosses his cheeks as he sheepishly rubs at the back of his neck. “But see, the one person I really want to be there is you. Because you’re kinda the one who inspired me to apply for this program.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. I didn’t get another doctorate. I went for a master’s this time. A dual one in art and science, and it’s all because of you,” Tony explains. “You see, when we became friends, like, really became friends, I got to see the side of you beyond the master tactician. Your passion for art is incredible, Steve. Not just the way you talk about it, but the way you always try to refine your craft whenever you have the time.” He gestures around the room. “I mean, look at everything you’ve created in the last few years alone.”

Now it’s Steve’s turn to blush. To this day, he still finds it hard to accept any compliments on his art.

“These are just doodles and experiments, Tony. They’re nothing like the art you see in museums.”

“That’s not true at all, and one day I’ll finally get you to believe me.”

Steve kind of wants to kiss Tony right now, but he brushes the urge away.

“So a dual master’s in art and science?” he asks instead.

“That’s right. It’s the art conservation program at NYU. The perfect blend of art and science. I studied art history and also the science behind the preservation of art. I never thought about how much technical work goes into art conservation and it’s been a blast getting to learn all of this. They let me fast track the program and get my degree within two years instead of four. And I ended up choosing time-based media as my specialty since it involves a lot more technology than more traditional art like paintings and photography, because, well, you know me.”

Before Steve could cut in and ask some more questions, Tony steps forward to take his hand and keeps talking.

“But yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing in my down time for the last couple of years and I’m hoping that one day, if you’d like, we could work together to make sure every single piece of art you create stands the test of time. Because you are so talented, Steve, and your legacy deserves to be more than just Captain America.”

Steve really wants to kiss Tony now.

So he does.

Tony responds immediately, his lips moving in tandem with Steve’s like they’ve been doing this for years instead of seconds. He doesn’t know how long they stand there in each other’s arms, but when they finally pull back for air, the invitation lays on the floor in a crumpled heap, having fallen at some point when Steve let it go in favour of grabbing Tony by his hips.

He picks it back up and smooths it against his chest the best he can, and grins at Tony.

“I’d be honoured to go to your graduation ceremony, sweetheart. I’ll be there cheering louder than anyone else. And afterwards, I’m taking you to dinner to celebrate, then we’re coming home to celebrate some more.”

He leans down to capture Tony’s lips again.

All the while, he thinks about all the paintings he’s done of Tony, hidden away behind other canvases. He wonders what Tony would think when Steve finally shows them to him, if they could match Tony’s grand gesture that was two years in the making. Because Tony may believe that his art is worth conserving, but as far as Steve’s concerned, it’s Tony—his smiles, his genius…his everything—whose beauty should be preserved for the world to see.

[theartoflovingthomashunt]

Alexandra "Alex" Hunt (nee Spencer)

[All Thomas Hunt x Alex Spencer Masterlists] [All things Alex]

Book: Red Carpet Diaries / Hollywood U Husband: Thomas Hunt Children: Felicity, Vincent, Bogart (dog) Face Claim: Katherine McPhee (RCD FC)

*Alex began as a main character, but has become an original character now It only took almost 5 years to make a character page for her 🙈

What's in a Name?~ Alexandra Rose Spencer

Alexandra

Origin: Greek, feminine form of Alexander, derived from alexein

Meaning: "defender of men"

Why I chose it: I adore the name Alex and all variations of the name. It's one of my favorites which is why I chose it for my pen name... I have a complete unpublished manuscript from several years ago. Maybe one day I'll do something with it, but until then, I decided to give Alex her name because it means something to me

Rose

Origin: Latin

Meaning: rose, a flower

Why I chose it: My grandmother's name was Rose, when she passed I decided to remember her through Alex by giving her Rose as a middle name

Spencer

Origin: English

Meaning: derived from the Old French despensier, a steward

Why I chose it: One of my favorite TV shows of all time is Psych, so I gave her the last name Spencer after Shawn Spencer.

Nicknames: primarily Alex, she did try going by Lexi and Lex when she was in middle school, but decided they weren't for her

The Basics

Birthday: March 6 Zodiac: Pisces Personality: Artistic, Creative, Idealistic, Adaptable, Generous, Empathetic, Romantic, Trusting, Compassionate, Dreamy, Procrastinates, Avoids Conflict, Too Trusting Sexuality: bisexual

Hair: Dark Brown, sometimes she highlights it lighter Eyes: Brown Height: 5'8" (based on my FC)

Family + Hometown

Hometown: Pella, Iowa

Parents + Home: Henry and Laura Spencer Henry and Laura were high school sweethearts, but waited to get married until after college. They had one child, Alex. Laura had some complications during her pregnancy and childbirth so her and Henry didn't want to risk another. They were okay with it, because they loved Alex with all they were.

Unfortunately, Henry had a sudden and unexpected heart attack when Alex was 12 and passed away. It was hard for Alex and her mom. Alex turned her pain into her drama and theatre performances. Through the friends she made there, she found an amazing support system.

Laura is a nurse. Henry was an architect.

Education

HWU AU: Hollywood U

RCD AU: Tisch School of the Arts at NYU* *Don't hold me to that, I had a different school in mind, but at Tisch she could have met Olivia who was going to NYU at the same time and CoffeeShopAU!Ellie (if I ever finish it) who grew up in Brooklyn. Tisch would give me a gateway to bring those ladies into my RCD world. Current version of Ellie exists in my HWU universe!

More about Alex

Likes: coffee (particularly iced), doodling, painting (even if she's not the best), quiet moments away from the spotlight, her family, stargazing, mysteries, the ocean, hot baths, reading, movie night

Dislikes: decaf (she suffered through it for the twins, but only for them), the last sip of coffee in a cup, mornings, exercise, humidity, abuse of power, betrayal, traffic, frogs (irrational fear)

Best Friends: Addison Sinclair (HWU/RCD), Chazz Javellana (RCD), Ethan Blake (HWU/RCD), Ellie Shepherd-Ramsey (HWU), Ethan Ramsey (HWU)

Asks, Edits, Art, and more about Alex can be found on her Character Masterlist Page

More to be come...

please let me know if there is something you'd like to know about Alex that I can add!

[chxrrywinc]

⌜ lizeth selene , twenty four , genderfluid , they/she ⌟  ╱ is that FEMININOMENON by CHAPPELL ROAN, i hear playing? oh that has to mean ROWAN HERNÁNDEZ , is about to clock in. i hear they’re a SOPHOMORE who’s been away studying PERFORMANCE STUDIES at NYU TISCH. it sure is a shame they’ve grown up to be rather CAREFREE and INDEPENDENT. word on the strip is that they’re back home for the summer and working as a RECEPTIONIST at INKSPIRE, to earn some extra cash, in order to buy a new guitar but don’t tell them i told you that !

𝘽𝘼𝙎𝙄𝘾𝙎:

FULL NAME: Rowan Hernández

NICKNAMES: Ro, R

GENDER: Gender fluid

PRONOUNS: They/She

SEXUALITY: Pansexual

DATE OF BIRTH: May 5th

ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: Spanish (native), English (fluent)

NATIONALITY: Peruvian-American

WORKKING AT: Inkspire as a recepcionist.

PINTEREST: click here for rowan's board.

𝘼𝙋𝙋𝙀𝘼𝙍𝘼𝙉𝘾𝙀:

FACECLAIM: Lizeth Selene

VOICE CLAIM: Lizeth Selene

HEIGHT: 5'4"

BUILD: Slim & petite, kind of on the skinny side.

HAIR: Very thick & dark brown, natural mermaid waves, often messy.

EYES: Dark brown

PIERCINGS & TATTOOS: Multiple tattoos across their body. Nose piercings: septum and nostril. Ear piercings: multiple lobe piercings, helix, and tragus.

OTHER DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: Scar above the right eyebrow, beauty mark below the left eye, slight calluses on their hands from playing the guitar.

𝙋𝙀𝙍𝙎𝙊𝙉𝘼𝙇𝙄𝙏𝙔:

POSITIVE TRAITS: Creative, resilient, loyal, passionate, introspective.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Stubborn, aloof, self-critical, reclusive, blunt.

LIKES: Music (playing and listening), writing lyrics, collecting vinyl records, coffee, late-night walks, vintage clothing, comic books.

DISLIKES: Dishonesty, superficiality, overly crowded places, hot weather, loud noises without rhythm.

AESTHETICS: The sound of an electric guitar riff blending with the distant hum of the city; the smell of rain on concrete; vintage band tees and worn-out jeans; a sketchbook filled with song lyrics and doodles; the taste of cold brew coffee on a warm day; vinyl records and cassette tapes; late-night jam sessions under dim lights.

PET PEEVES: People who interrupt while they're playing and have judgmental attitudes.

𝘽𝙄𝙊𝙂𝙍𝘼𝙋𝙃𝙔

Rowan Hernández was born in Arequipa, Peru, and moved to the United States at a very young age with their family in search of better opportunities. In the US, they first lived with a relative until they could afford their apartment, initially settling in Florida, as it had a solid Latin culture that they were already accustomed to in their native country. However, they later moved to Cypress Rhodes, Colorado due to a job offer for their father—though he was a workaholic, he still believed this would give his family a better life. Rowan initially found it hard to make friends because they only spoke Spanish—the primary language in Peru—and most of their friends in Florida also spoke Spanish. Thus, the language barrier pushed them to learn English out of necessity. Rowan discovered guitar when they were 12, and it became their outlet for the emotions they couldn't understand and a way to handle the pain of losing their mother when they were a teen. Their bad connection to their dad, who simply didn't know how to deal with him anymore, made music even more important to she. They started a band named Vortex with childhood / university friends in New York City. Even though the band is formed around raw, emotional performances and an eccentric sound, they have never made a hit, and nobody seems to notice. Rowan ventured to New York to study Performance Studies at NYU TISCH, a move that offered both academic pursuit and a temporary escape from their father. Now back in Cypress Rhodes for the summer break, they've taken a role as a receptionist at Inkspire, aiming to reconnect with old friends while saving up for a new guitar. They have no plans to seek out their father, feeling he holds little interest in reconnecting with them.

𝙒𝘼𝙉𝙏𝙀𝘿 𝘾𝙊𝙉𝙉𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝙎

Ride or Die/Bestie(s): Someone who has been their best friend since forever, the one that knows Rowan inside out, with whom they've gone through it all, always there to help each other out. This person is someone Rowan trusts implicitly and leans on during tough times. (1-2 characters)

Exes on Good Terms: A former romantic partner who remains a close friend. They ended their relationship amicably and continue to support each other in their respective endeavors. They might occasionally reminisce about their past but are firmly in the friend zone now. (1 character)

Confidant: This is someone whom Rowan can tell anything and everything, who will listen and give advice without judgment. This is Rowan's person they can open up to, sharing their deepest thoughts and secrets. (1-2 characters)

Bandmate: Another member of Vortex who shares Rowan's love for music. They write songs and perform together. What makes them close is the fact that they share experiences due to common interests. Bandmates could be childhood friends or individuals Rowan met in New York. (1-3 characters)

Unlikely Friend: Someone Rowan befriended despite seemingly having nothing in common. The personality differences complement each other, and they often seem to learn things from each other. (1 character)

[dear-nyu]

I'm cooking,, I'm so cooking

[dearnyu-njsz]

[This blog is inactive and resting]

If you want to see my art, go over to my main @dear-nyu! I reblog a lot of stuff, but I still meticulously tag so you can search those :3

🧡🌿Tag library!

Everything not art is tagged as [#not art]

nyu arts - all finished art

nyu doodles - the silly, the unfinished and all the rest!

art school tag - obligatory

sona tiem - everything sona related, mine and friends', original and AU both. Several AUs.

Story specific tags:

Scars of Dark Komety - Mothership TTRPG campaign. [finished]

Budapest by Night: The Dealmakers - Vampire the Masquerade campaign. [finished]

The Paranoia Records - Paranoia campaign [finished]

[hunterkroton]

Practicing expressions

[alrightbuckaroo]

16 & 17 😈

16. Write the next 5 sentences and share. & 17. Share the previous 5 sentences.

An excuse to share something from Parisian summer romance? I'll take it! Here's something that's probably a little more than then, but eh, who's counting?

“You’re an artist?” Carlos asks, looking back at TK with a smile. When TK furrows his brows, Carlos explains his conclusion. “You doodle on your shoes. All the art kids I knew in high school used to do the same thing.” 

“You’ve got a keen eye.” TK jokes as he gets up from his bed, pulling on his boxers. “I dabble.” He shrugs. “Though, I tend to enjoy learning about it more than I do making it. I’m studying Art History at NYU.” 

Carlos cocks an eyebrow as he buttons his jeans. “We’re a long way from New York.” 

TK smirks. “You’re funny.” He takes another sip from the water bottle, finishing it off. “I’m studying abroad, in case it wasn’t obvious. Though, something tells me it might be a little obvious.” TK looks around the college dorm, the size of it so minuscule that it almost makes him embarrassed to host. 

Carlos holds up his hand, his thumb and index finger almost slightly pressed together. “Little bit.” He picks up his shirt. “How much longer do you have?” 

“After this semester, I should only need three more credits,” TK inhales a sharp breath through his teeth. “Which feels scary to say out loud.” 

“What do you plan to do after you graduate?” Carlos didn’t get to have this discussion with his guidance counselor. He never considered anything but cooking. He wanted to be a chef, so he was going to be a chef. 

“I’m not sure.” TK runs a hand through his hair; it's not as damp as it was earlier. "Which is why it's a little scary." He doesn't make it a point to mention the prospective opportunity at the Louvre. Why would Carlos care, TK's nothing more than a casual acquaintance.

talk to me about a wip <;3

[thdramas2]

amigays on th — new adopt group account. seems like they’re copying nyudoodles business model… from discord to art style to how theyre managing the account. cant blame them, i want to make money off of doodles like nyudoodles too…

thats probably bc nyudoodles is going to shit

AND

it was made by people who were in the nyus community including an artist thats on nyudoodles team