#nws i really was just doing adult life things

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Heyoo I saw your tags! Thank you for being lovely! Sorry for the ask haha I couldn't message so thought this was the best way to respond haha. Also good to see you back here, it's been ages! How have you been? How's life been treating you, my lovely?

Hi! Haha, no worries, it was a sweet and welcome surprise~

And man, I hadn't realized how much time passed until I checked and saw it's been over a year 💀💀💀 It has been a relief to see a lot of familiar faces though. I spent a lot of time settling into work and preparing for my degree this fall, so I had less time to simp. But things are good! Mostly just been reading Celeste Ng's newest book All Our Missing Hearts and playing Pokemon Violet over the break because I caved after seeing the Tinkaton memes 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I now have a shiny one, and she is a menace to all Corviknights everywhere 🤣

Needless to say I've also been doing Comte events throughout the time I was away, so I may be discussing a few of the translations if I have the spoons over the next few months. Honestly he's still full of surprises, the drama CD they released a few weeks ago for him had a lot of fascinating tidbits--perhaps my favorite of which is how desperately he wants MC in a black dress. I do love it when my faves go full baby girl, but I digress; that's gushing for another time, I'm sure 🤣

I hope you've been well, too! I wish you all the best, always 💛💛💛

[bivicennial]

One of the little bits of worldbuilding lore I really appreciate in the NW is how both vampires and witches have very distinct cultures around raising children.

Like, Thea and Blaise lose their parents and are immediately taken in by an increasingly long list of relatives, because witches (especially Harman witches) do not let their children be abandoned. It's a very village-centric society. Everybody pitches in to make sure the kids are looked after and cared for, all 90s matriarchal commune style. Even when Blaise is actively causing like, mayhem and destruction, the Crone of All Witches decides to take her granddaughters on full time despite being ninety years old and running half the goddamn Night World.

Comparatively, the vampires have a very... aloof style of parenting. It's quite business-like, and focused mostly on monetary support rather than emotional care. Vampire kids are expected to teach themselves most of their survival skills basically on the streets. Darwinist, y'know? Because vampire children are given a lot of what humans (and witches, it seems) would consider very adult freedoms, and are treated as functional members of Night World society quite young. It seems to be expected that most vampire kids who aren't kept in an enclave will learn how to defend themselves or they'll get fucked up. And if they can't defend themselves, well. Weakness gets culled, and all that.

There's a lot of examples of it, too. Vampiric parenting is pretty consistent across the books. James's parents support him financially, but he lives in an apartment by himself at the age of, what, sixteen? Probably younger, considering he was living there for a while by the time Secret Vampire starts. And Ash doesn't seem to have any consistency in his life, but he does spend all his time partying in Las Vegas, while it's implied both his parents are living on the east coast in an enclave. He goes to fetch his sisters when his father tells him to, but he never gives the impression that he especially likes his father, and in fact suggests that if Quinn hadn't been around when his father called, he might have ignored him. There doesn't seem to be much love lost there. And we don't even have to get into Delos's relationship with his father, the guy who treats him like a living weapon at best.

Actually, the closest thing to a loving, functional parental vampire relationship seems to be Jez and Bracken, and they only have like one scene together. Even then, he let her run around San Francisco without supervision from the age of five onward, and that's never treated as being especially outside of the norm. He makes sure she has a place to stay and goes to school, but he doesn't seem to keep track of her daily activities at all, or he does and doesn't care what she gets into so long as he doesn't personally have to deal with it.

And unlike the witches, there doesn't seem to be as big of a push to take on extra kids. That's Morgead's whole thing, that he's got a bone to pick with all the elder vampires that just ignored him when he was abandoned by his mom. Even if they do take in the kids without parents (like Bracken does), vampire parents don't provide much attention anyway. With Thea, she sees a whole future surrounded by other witches and continuing her education under the tutelage of her family. She was eighteen and would have continued to be monitored and cared for for years. Whereas Ash got attacked at the age of twelve, killed a much bigger vampire, and every single person who could have watched out for him was like "yep he's good give him a credit card and let him go do whatever" and he just does.

Honestly, I could talk about each of the characters' childhoods in depth individually, but maybe I'll have to save that for later. Or fanfics or something.

[mecachrome]

this is kind of close to wag speculation so feel free to ignore. re: your oscar & alex analysis, it makes me curious what lily z is like in her private life? from the surface level details we know about her, i guess i usually think of her as very similar to the way you described oscar/alex (academic/intelligent/deep thinker, private/calculated in how much of yourself to make public, strong sense of self/clear lines drawn between her career and oscar's even tho they theoretically intersect in f1). but she and oscar clearly don't have the oscar/alex dynamic you've described (again at least from surface level interactions that we see). don't know where i'm really going with other than it caught my interest

also lol at alex and oscar mirroring each other to the point of each dating a lily

nw anon!!! oscar and lilyz are sooo endearing to me from what we've seen of them which ofc is very surface-level considering how protective she is of her peace & privacy... which i respect a lot since i hate pda and am personally extremely averse to being perceived HLSKDFH 😭 love when straight people refuse to hold hands in the paddock... ok sorry. i'm joking. #lovewins i'm an ally it's okay to be straight etc. etc.

but there's definitely an interesting like... difference in base dynamic considering how they met and their respective priorities in life (from what we've been told at least!!!), like alex and lilym bonded as adults already involved in their respective sports over their experiences and struggles as athletes, whereas oscar and lilyz met in school and (presumably) bonded over their love of motorsport but while pursuing different sectors of it... which is kind of interesting because it's like, alex sought someone with similar experiences to him in a different world while oscar sought someone with different experiences to him in the same world. not that that really Means anything but 🤷‍♀️ and like oscar obv places value in his personal academic achievements but in the grand scheme of things lily is sooo much more educated than him LOL so it's not really the same, like she has a master's and he's just some guy who took his a-levels.

also even though alex and oscar have so many similarities i do think alex is a bit more naturally outgoing/gung-ho at the end of the day, so you can see from all their tt/ig posting that lilym's vibes match him super well whereas from how oscar talks about his own relationship he and lilyz seem Very Chill and content to just watch tv and take walks together LMFAO. ofc that's just what we hear but it's like such a ~settled~ old-married vibe.... 😭

[artblurg]

Do you do requests?

I haven't done much of them lately, but I'd be open to do some simple sketches based on any prompts folks send in

(I can't really say I can do fully rendered art though, since it takes a lot of time and energy, and I have a job and personal life to keep up with, and I'm just. So tired all the time)

Here's the guidelines:

Mecha is ok, some designs may be simplified though

Furry is ok

Surreal/horror is ok (I won't draw anything depicting w****go or sk*nw*lkers/fleshgaits)

Shipping (including oc x canon) is ok (as long it's not inc*st/p*do/abuse)

---

No nsfw/fetish/kink etc

No nudity

No inc*st/p*do stuff

No abuse

No extreme gore (stuff like just blood or bruises is okay, but anything that depicts exposed organs and exposed bones or broken bones is not)

No hate art/art that harms minorities (i.e. racist, anti lgbt, ableist, etc)

Media I won't draw includes

Anything by Vivziep*p

S*uth park, and any other adult cartoon that prides itself in being "shocking/offensive" (i.e. bigoted)

Stuff like Y*ndere Sim and Fr*day N*ght Funking, I want nothing to do with the creators

A.o.T/S.n.k, H*talia, for similar reasons

Ds/mp, big name LP YTers like P*wdiepie, M*rkiplier, etc. Also for similar reasons

If you're unsure if smth falls under the media blacklist/things I won't draw, you can always send me an ask. (And if I've drawn stuff of smth before, I will likely draw it again unless I say otherwise)

[reversecreek]

☹ ☃ ☆

☹ Response to a leaky faucet or other household problem

magda’s probably pretty decent w this stuff................ i can see her aunt teaching her a bunch of things like hw to steal gas frm parked cars if urs has none n u need to get somewhere <3 n also how to reroute a trailer’s electricity to urs while the tenants are away so u get a week of freebie <3 n then she’s like. strangely good w computers considering her lack of exposure to them during formative yrs so i feel like if someone’s broke she cld b like hm i’ll have a look. suddenly it’s fixed but u also have a new custom cursor of an evil little cartoon vampire w eyes that move around on their own n ur just like. ok. i think a leaky faucet specifically she’d kno hw to fix honestly bc i think her aunt’s probably bad at tht stuff n same w all her aunt’s friends jst like. there for a good time hving a laff so magda wld be like ok i will play adult n fix this for u at like. 11 yrs old......... queen of getting on with it n getting shit done!

☃ What they wear around the house

rn magda is between homes bc she cbas staying at abernathy creek any more (reason behind which is a big mysterious question mark) (snickers mischievously bc i know what it is) so she’s always wearing smthn that she’s just ready to go in at all times. like she’ll fully jst sleep in her clothes most of the time tbh....... i cn see her hving a big grey hoodie maybe tht she layers on over whatever’s underneath it to keep her warm...... she doesn’t hv that many clothes honestly so it’s a rotation of mostly the same pieces? she hs a midi length army print skirt she wears a lot tht’s made from a material tht isn’t too constrictive n has some give fr moving around in....... she also has a calf length brown afghan coat which is her life force n a lot of what keeps her warm...... she stole her dad’s tan leather jacket from her aunt’s closet too n sometimes she sleeps in it jst to smell like him bt if anyone implied she has feelings or gets nostalgic abt anything she’d be like ok freak wouldn’t u like to think so weatherboy....... idk. sometimes it’s stuff she’s taken frm ppl’s houses i won’t lie. she only like Owns a few staples then rotates random shit around in between. staying warm n survival is her main focus esp during these winter months. she likes a lot of neutral colours n khakis n other muted greens. vry rarely dark dull reds or terracotta’s bt. tht is Rare <3

☆ How they’d throw parties (what would go on at them, refreshments, etc)

growing up at abernathy creek definitely has it’s down sides bt it also has it’s perks. parties were frequent n unavoidable, even if they ranged in size. there was always Something wild going on when magda ws growing up. even when she lived in her aunt’s trailer 4-7 her n her gf would b smoking weed at the door n then coming back in to dance around as magda sat hugging her knees and laughing on the sofa until eventually they got her up to dance too. she knows wht it looks like fr ppl to enjoy themselves n being around it is both comfortingly familiar n uncomfortably familiar n she doesn’t quite know how that can b! bt that’s how things r. as far as parties go i mean an example is the one she threw at nadira’s without permission (rip)....... she’ll plant a small seed n be like invite whoever u want idc do whatever idc. it’s a very hands off approach to hosting bt she kind of likes it sometimes. it almost feels anonymous when u don’t really do much in ways of organising n preparing n just sort of.... let it happen on it’s own. she can sit back n watch the carnage n be like oh word lmfao anyway walks out without notice nw tht i’m bored of what i’ve created n suddenly has nothing to do w this.... strange girl.

[jackoshadows]

There was a recent discussion on another forum about the most disappointing media in the last decade and naturally Game of Thrones won the poll beating even the recent Star wars trilogy by a large percentage. Someone linked to a Rotten Tomatoes review of the final season and it struck me how much the show veered from the books in terms of it’s underlying themes and stories – not really surprising considering D&D felt that ‘themes were for 8 grade school reports’.

But the thing that stood out for me, was how much so many folks saw GOT as some kind of feminist work about women rising to the top in a man’s world. 

On Rotten Tomatoes, pretty much most of the reviews are similar to this:

Critics Consensus: Game of Thrones' final season shortchanges the women of Westeros, sacrificing satisfying character arcs for spectacular set-pieces in its mad dash to the finish line.

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/tv/game-of-thrones

After season 6, we get these interviews:

After several seasons of troubling character starts and vocal backlash after season 5, the women of Westeros are now “running the show.”

“In the beginning it starts off with something of a stereotypical view of women, ss the wives, the girlfriends the ones that are always under other people’s control,” Sophie Turner explained to Variety. “And as the show moves forward you see these women rising to power and the evolution is phenomenal.”

Where did the change stem from, the fans. “We heard what audiences want, and what they want are more female characters,” Gwendoline Christie said. “And they want more complex, female characters.” 

https://variety.com/video/game-of-thrones-the-women-of-westeros/

Now it’s their turn: On HBO’s Game of Thrones, the show’s powerful female characters are about to take center stage more than ever before.

The ascension of Thrones’ female characters isn’t a new strategy. Showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss, working from the narrative template established by author George R.R. Martin, introduced Westeros five years ago as a male-dominated world ruled by figures like Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) and Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance). One by one, these strong and commanding men have suffered tragic turns of fate that have cleared the way for a fleet of heroines who have learned new strategies to survive and conquer in a brutal world.

https://ew.com/article/2016/03/24/game-thrones-ew-cover/

With covers like this:

How many of these women ended up winning at the end?

Did people really think that an old white dude writing a fantasy story in the nineties was writing about female empowerment in the medieval ages? Really?

GRRM’s books did have complex female characters - Catelyn Stark comes to mind. But the last thing he was doing was writing about how the women of Westeros were going to win in the end using their wily ways. Characters like Cat and Cersei have to navigate their world having less power than their husbands and sons. Arya has to go around in disguise as a boy, Sansa has to endure abuse and stay silent to survive.

At the end of the day, GRRM was writing about female characters in a man’s world and as such they were limited in what they could do. Quite a few times, they are the characters pulling the strings behind the men (Lady Olenna), but there are rare open displays of their power - because they only get that through the men.

The audience complaining about all the rape and violence on the show? The books are much worse in terms of what happens to female characters. What was done to Jeyne Poole in the books is far, far worse than what was done to Sansa. Jeyne suffered a torturous existence - getting send to LF’s brothel and then to Ramsay because she is unimportant in the grand scheme of things  while Sansa escaped that fate because she was a noble woman belonging to a great house.

GRRM’s romances? We get Dany wanting to die after being repeatedly raped by Khal Drogo and then she falls in love with him. We have 27 year old Sandor Clegane in love with 11-12 year old Sansa as GRRM writes his beauty and the beast romance and Brienne falling for a guy who mocks her appearance and verbally abuses her. Even Jon/Ygritte has consent issues because 19 year old Ygritte coerces 15 year old Jon into sleeping with her by threatening to out him to Mance as still being a brother of the NW watch. GRRM’s romances all belong to the ‘forced seduction’ trope commonly seen in the bodice rippers of the eighties and early nineties.

In GRRM’s world if Sansa snarked at Littlefinger about ‘seizing the last word’ she would be lying dead in a ditch somewhere, Cersei would be dead/deposed if she blew up a sept full of people and Arya would not just magically recover after getting stabbed 10 times and then go take out the entire house Frey. 

And that’s why the show became more and more nonsensical over the seasons as D&D threw out GRRM’s world building and rule book and characters could do whatever they wanted with no consequences.

In the books the only female character who has real, hard power is Daenerys Targaryen. And that’s because she has what are the equivalent of nukes. Dany did get a semblance of power before her dragons grew - but she got that by charming Drogo, convincing him to invade Westeros for her and slowly and surely grabbing power away from her brother. When she stopped the rape of the  Lhazareen women, she was only able to do that because she was the Khaleesi - Drogo’s wife.

This changes when she hatches the eggs and her dragons grow - what happens in Astapor is a game changer with a new power in town. That’s why the moment was celebrated and enjoyed by book fans. This shit?

This is what actual power looks like in the books.

Dany is pretty much the only female character who can actively effect change and fight for the throne like the other male contenders because she has the weapons to do so. That’s why she’s unique in the books.

And that’s why the show ending was so disappointing to many fans. Because the men ended up back in charge (other than the nonsensical part where Sansa alone is able to randomly remove the North from the 7K by way of shit writing) despite all these proclamations from the showrunners/cast/HBO about how the women were now running things. Because, ultimately, GRRM was not writing about female empowerment or defeating the patriarchy or about women getting to the top in a man’s world.  He was writing a coming of age story for his main characters that included 3 men:

Five central characters will make it through all three volumes, however, growing from children to adults and changing the world and themselves in the process. In a sense, my trilogy is almost a generational saga, telling the life stories of these five characters, three men and two women. The five key players are Tyrion Lannister, Daenerys Targaryen, and three of the children of Winterfell, Arya, Bran, and the bastard Jon Snow. All of them are introduced at some length in the chapters you have to hand.

If D&D and HBO wanted female characters at the top in the end, they could have just written their own ending incorporating these ideas.  The disconnect happened because of their ‘The women are winning!’ writing and then ending up with GRRM’s ending.

Write a ‘feminist’ adaptation of the books. Kill off Jon Snow in the battle against the AOTD - it’s not like he had any story that was about him for the last 3 seasons. Have Dany kick out Tyrion for his bad ideas and defeat Cersei. Let her reward Arya with Storm’s Landing for killing the Night King. Let Brienne dump Jaime after realizing he’s a waste of space.  We would have Dany on the Iron Throne, Arya in the Stormlands, Sansa up North and Brienne setting off to start a school for young girls like Gwendoline Christie wanted. All of this makes more sense than the farcical King Bran/queen Sansa ending we got, so they could have done this.

It is disappointing as a book reader to know that the ending involves GRRM disposing of the only female character who actually has real power in the world of the books, and that of the main 5, she is the only one who ends up dying.  But maybe that’s why she ends up dying  - because Dany is an anomaly in GRRM’s fictional world and with her death Planetos reverts back to the usual patriarchal structures with the men in charge of everything. That’s a depressing thought. I can only hope that book Arya at least ends up with more power to effect change rather than getting shuffled off in a boat to some ‘west of westeros’.

[c00chmaster420]

this is a long vent and storytime-ish. tw/dr*gs

it hurts going from being the kid who could read and write super well from an early age who got an award for english in high school and had a 98 in science for most of the year despite it always being my worst class and didn’t even have to try in school to barely being able to get a proper sentence out half the time and never being able to explain/express myself bc my brain is so fogged and fucked from all the drugs i do/have done that i can only think at like half capacity now. i used to be a rlly smart kid, i never had to try in school and i’d always get by just fine, if we had writing competitions in school i would usually win, i was basically an english prodigy. now i’ve dropped out of highschool and am in a constant state of brain fog, i can’t even feel things properly anymore. i can’t ground myself to my surroundings or feel genuinely present, it’s so difficult sitting outside at night and listening to music (one of my fav things to do) and trying to just be there in the moment but not being able to fully process literally anything that’s happening or my surroundings. i’m never fully there. i feel like a ghost or something. i used to be so against drugs and alcohol and then for some reason i decided fuck it, i wanna try acid bc it sounds bad and i wanna do something really bad just for the adrenaline. then i tried it and fell in love, i’d never even smoked weed before that, just drank oil, so being high was new to me and i immediately fell in love. nothing compared to the feeling drugs gave me, it was such an experience and made me feel so good and was so fun, like nothing i’d ever done before. i was rlly depressed and kinda hated myself and didn’t have many friends or a life so drugs were the one really good thing i had. i did acid a second time with molly and once again absolutely loved it. then my dealer got arrested and i didn’t have anywhere else to get acid so i turned to dxm (another drug i said i’d absolutely never do, but desperation makes people do weird things). i loved dxm as much as acid, i got (mentally) addicted almost immediately. plus it was so easy to get and i had money really frequently so i could just go grab some for $10 whenever i wanted. i quickly spiralled from that, i started doing it at school and doing it every night i could and if i didn’t have it i’d have cravings for it so bad i’d be scratching and hitting myself and pulling my hair and sobbing so hard i’d almost throw up. i also started doing molly pretty often and other things like coke and shrooms and a lot of acid. my drug problem almost got out of hand at one point, i overdosed twice within a week of each other and got serotonin syndrome also twice within a week of each other. i got a bit better when i had to go to my grandmas for a few weeks and didn’t have access to any drugs, and i wasn’t getting money regularly either so i was forced to go sober for a while. at one point i got better and started only smoking weed and drinking and i was doing good for months if not a year but i slipped again. my friend invited me to come over and do ghb with her parents and i agreed, ofc. welp, i wound up doing a LOT of meth that night as well. this is where i started slipping. the day after that night (well technically the day AFTER the day after) i went back and did ghb and smoked a bunch more meth with my friends parents. the kicker is my friend wasn’t even there this time. i’m close with her parents so they said i could meet with their dealer at their place bc they didn’t want me meeting with him alone (mans got second degree murder charges, numerous assault charges, and many more. he’s a very dangerous guy). i met him the night i went there the first time bc he came to sell them the ghb. he wound up spending the whole night and we TOTALLY vibed (before i found out he was dangerous asf). also the first time i saw him he came in needing stitches bc he just bashed a girls car window to get back at her, so that’s lovely. we were gonna do stitches on him there but didn’t wind up doing that.

the next morning he offered to walk me to the bus stop but instead tried to take me to his doctors appointment with him?? keep in mind i’m a 17 year old girl and he’s a 35 year old man. so that was rlly weird but i managed to get away and go home. anyways the point of this was i used to have so much potential and be so different but now i’ve ruined my life with drugs and i hate it. i went from saying i would never even drink to smoking meth out of a wine glass in my mom’s bathroom bc i have literally no self control anymore. my cousin begged/told me not to touch the meth but here i am scraping little bits of it off to smoke and hoping she doesn’t notice. i wanted xans and her dealer is in the nw and i’m in the sw so he didn’t wanna come all the way just to sell me two xans so we got a bunch of meth too even though she just plans on probably selling it and not taking it. i’m slowly losing control, first it started with just planning on smoking the loose little teeny bits in the bag to scraping off some from the rock and i should’ve stopped at there but i couldn’t. i know i should’ve stopped at there, there was less chance of her noticing and i shouldn’t rlly be risking it but here i am about to go scrape even more off for like my 4th time and pray she doesn’t notice. i’m so fucking stressed, i’ve been lying to my bf and my family about the drugs and i feel so guilty but at the same time i kinda don’t which almost makes me feel worse. i always put myself and my interests first and do what i want even if i have to lie about it because i don’t have any self control anymore. i’ve stopped caring more and more, i used to never do anything if there was even the smallest chance of me getting caught bc i was so scared of getting in trouble but lately i’ve been developing an attitude of ‘what are they gonna do about it? even if they find out, i already did it, the most they can do is get mad and i can just choose not to give a fuck that they’re mad’. i also have been putting myself in more and more dangerous situations (usually for drugs) and i think to myself a lot ‘who cares if something happens? i wanna die anyways and if something else happens i’ll just deal with it, it’s whatever, i can choose not to care about it’ and i know that’s gonna get me in a really bad situation one day. i was doing so good for so long and now i’m just spiralling so bad again. i don’t think i can get better either bc i need to want to get better and for some reason i don’t? like of course i wanna be better and have a solid life but the reality of putting in all the work and actually getting there is just something i can’t do. i’d rather just throw my life away and wallow in my mental illness until i either die young from an od or laced drugs or i kms.

like the reality is i literally can’t be a functioning adult. maybe if i went on a bunch of medication and got a shit ton of therapy maybe, but i can’t even bring myself to look for jobs or apply to them, and the thought of actually working is TERRIFYING. i have such fucking bad anxiety, any time i leave the house i constantly feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me and i’m hyper aware of how i look and how i’m breathing and walking. getting a job and being an adult just isn’t realistic for me, plus i literally hate the human race and the world in general so i have absolutely no desire to stay alive and be a functioning adult in a world that i literally hate anyways. i don’t wanna be here anymore. i just want everything to stop

[haveyourmagic]

What Happens In Hypnotherapy

How Hypnotherapy can create real breakthroughs

By gently inviting relaxation of the physical body and the conscious mind (like a guided meditation process) which deepens the brainwaves states, allowing the bypassing the CCF analytical mind, hypnosis can easily facilitate communication with the subconscious mind to discover the root cause of problems.  After therapeutic intervention and re-framing, the conditioned habitual/fear based thought patterns can be cleared and more positive ideas introduced successfully. This can be a transformational process and really help you move forwards. According to cognitive neuroscientists, we are only conscious of about 5% of our cognitive activity. 95% of brain activity is beyond conscious awareness yet affects body functions, judgements, decisions, and actions. Equally certain emotions and behaviours that we often can’t rationalize and that are not alignment with our conscious goals, or can even sometimes even sabotage health!  I decided to train in Hypnotherapy after some fantastic breakthroughs.  I found it so fascinating and powerful and still do, every session. It helped me shift some blockages I couldn’t consciously resolve. I had no idea just how much traumatic experiences in my childhood and even past lives were affecting me!

What can I expect in a Hypnotherapy Session?

After a complimentary consultation call 20mins or so via phone/Facetime/Skype/Zoom etc we can explore what it is you’d like to work on and how many sessions you may need. I’ll ask you to complete a pre-session questionnaire (which frees up time in the first session allowing it to be more productive). All is shared in confidence in a safe space without judgement, to best help you. When you’re ready I’ll guide you into a relaxing safe state of ‘trance’ (reached often in daydreaming, for instance being ‘in the zone’, being on autopilot navigating familiar routes etc). For around 30mins (N.B. Stop Smoking Hypnotherapy  Session is 2hrs) we will work with your inner wisdom through the powerhouse and guide that is your subconscious mind (which has recorded everything and of course keeps your body functioning without reminders). You can still communicate by IMRs (finger signals) or some clients can still speak clearly enough. Your subconscious mind as your ‘protector’ will only take you where it wants to, nothing is ever forced.  I hold your hand, helping you along the way to transformation, encouraging you at each step of your journey.

Regression Therapy, Inner Child Healing & Past life Regression.

Profound healing work can happen here as I help you to resolve issues and making you feel really safe to regress to childhood to send healing and re-frame traumas that may have resulted in fears, anxieties, self esteem issues, trust in self others and life etc.  Hypnotherapy is powerful work to help you get back firmly in the driving seat of your life leaving behind the sabotage, or extreme bewildering emotions that can arise when a wounded inner child is triggered and ‘freaks out’.  This is why we often see adults having ‘tantrums.’ This upset part of you can be like a sub-personality that feels stuck in time with the threat happening in real time. By offering more reassurance and love from the present moment than was available at the time and with this understanding and reframing, this part is happier and can be re-integrated. This liberating process sets you free from the fears, low self-esteem or habits and reactions you hadn’t been able to move past. Literally going back in time to rescue a younger you and freeing you up to live fully.

Past Life Regression can be the way to heal and show the reason behind more baffling problems, inexplicable fears and sometimes even physical pain from past life wounding and interesting connections between people. Clues to past lives can be instant dislike or that feeling you’ve known someone forever!

E.g. A client couldn’t get over an ex even though his behaviour was toxic for her…With Past Life Regression her subconscious mind revealed a past life centuries ago. They were brother and sister, he was very ill she lovingly promised him that he wouldn’t die to cheer him up. He died and she carried the guilt that she couldn’t save him into this life where yet again she couldn’t save him from alcoholism. After the healing and self-forgiveness and making new vows to look after herself, she has now moved moved on with her life happily.

I’ve led many sessions of past life regression therapy and have also received many helpful past life regression sessions along the way too! I understand how to check for and clear negative vows or contracts that have been made which are not serving you this lifetime!

You can imagine how perhaps past allegiances sworn, lives in service to the Church, vows of celibacy, not accepting money and so on aren’t very helpful if you want a relationship / a thriving business now! I am glad to be able to make you feel really safe even literally hold your hand as we seek the information. It is NOT about re-traumatisation, you can choose witness something on a movie screen / float above the scene. When the healing is complete you are brought back to present day, unless we are guided by your subconscious mind to visit the Inter Life – This can be an incredibly reassuring experience especially if your ‘purpose eludes you or your self esteem is very low etc. I love facilitating your organic empowerment through these breakthroughs. As you feel happier, more inner peace, inner strength, self trust and more capable and as you become in alignment conscious mind, subconscious mind, heart and body then you really can manifest more of your desires more easily.

Future Creation

Once blockages are cleared at this root cause level then I can help you plant the seeds for your new chapters. Inviting the subconscious to magnetise to you the new opportunities, people or projects in line with your highest good  and thus you can experience the changes you desire, easier and easier from now on, over the coming days, weeks and months.

Positive Reinforcement

To enhance positive programming for performance, confidence, and also to remain a Non-Smoker a resource state can be created easily. In NLP this is often termed an ‘anchor’ Using just your fingers it is discreet and easily implemented in public situations. These grow stronger with use.

Is it possible to not wake up?

No. Hypnosis has been around in one form or another for hundreds of years and there are no reported cases of anyone, ever becoming permanently hypnotised! At the end of the session I will gently count you back to the present moment and make sure you’re grounded, feeling ready to for the rest of your day. Clients talk about feeling refreshed like they’ve had a lovely nap.

When will I see results and how many sessions are needed?

Some things maybe one session like treating a phobia. Or Stopping Smoking.

Hypnotherapy is not a magic wand, we have free will and to really experience change we must consciously commit also to better self care, self talk, the ‘stories’ we tell and identify with, these all have a massive effect. Our words are like spells. I believe the more we choose to be responsible for ourselves and develop more awareness, the more we can truly create the changes we want.

Many of my clients like to book three sessions. I’ve often seen clients have beautiful breakthroughs through Hypnotherapy to overcome low self-esteem that is a multi layered issue – we can journey with specific lenses such as- to address self trust, deserving good things, trusting there’s a reason for you to be here and also getting in touch with your purpose.  Creating breakthroughs in relationships problems – patterns of people pleasing and lack of boundaries or always going for ‘unsuitable’ potential partners. Also unravelling anxiety that may have become a pattern, or more confidence and overcoming stage fright. Our subconscious minds know the answers to most things that we don’t understand:-

I offer special pricing to clients who book three sessions upfront.

I can make a recording of the session and send you as an mp3 to listen to and re-affirm the positive suggestions made.

Stop Smoking with Hypnotherapy – One 2 hr session  £250 with positive reinforcement to keep you on track.

One stop smoking client was in a high profile /pressure celebrity management role:

“I don’t even think about it and if I do it feels like a weird distant past memory.”

We’ll work together to understand the core reason why you smoke e.g. loneliness, to be accepted, boredom and help re-programme that need as a thing of the past so that this change can be permanent. You’ll be given an anchor – resource state to support you you can do anywhere if triggered. The session is further strengthened with a personal reinforcement audio I’ll record and send  to you as an mp3. Cigarettes are so  harmful and expensive – the investment in your health will free up your budget for other treats you’ll enjoy more instead!

Sessions are now online my time zone is London -GMT

Have Your Magic -Wellbeing Hypnotherapy Sessions after lockdown:-

Also in Nw6  Queens Park.  Some home visits possible in NW London.

Have Your Magic -Wellbeing, Primrose Hill close to Chalk Farm Tube

Have Your Magic -Wellbeing in the City –  Near Liverpool Street in The City of London

Regular Wellbeing Events

I am also a fan of Sound Healing as a Gong Master I offer de-stressing Gong Baths with a guided meditation to deepen brain wave states and activate the Parasympathetic Nervous System giving you deep relaxation mind and body. Weekly – please see events.

I can tailor Hypnotherapy, De-stressing Techniques and Sound Healing for Corporate Wellbeing Events / as luxuriously nurturing Pamper Parties. I’ve provided Wellbeing Events at: BBC RadioLondon, Soho House, The Union Club, Cloud Twelve Club, A Place to Heal, Getahead Festival and Gymbox.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this post. I welcome your enquiry and sincere questions. Let’s discuss what breakthroughs I can help you with. Contact me here.

To know more about hypnotherapy in london uk please visit the website.

Connect on Social Media Platforms

Instagram @haveyourmagic

Facebook @haveyourmagic

LinkedIn  https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicoleharveyuk/

[tashahopp]

I’m at this point of life where I feel like my family just doesn’t feel like family anymore. Yknow it’s when the ppl that are jus so toxic & u legit tried ur best to make it work but it can never be fine again. I feel guilty because they’re “family” but at the same time I know I’m jus better off removing myself from the toxic environment. Right nw I’m jus afraid Cus I’m all alone “adulting”, unsure if I’m ever going to raise a happy family without being raised by one. Scared that I’ll carry this family trauma with me everywhere I go. Have u ever felt rly lonely not being close to ur family?

Yeah, I feel like all my problems are mine and relationships are transactional. I think I was really scared when I was studying but now that I have started working, I can support myself so being alone is not that scary anymore. And removing yourself from a toxic environment is great in the long run. Good for your family and good for you. It’s like detoxification, it sucks at first. 

After I stopped talking to them they stop thinking of me as a problem to solve, they just see me as I am. They are no longer stressed about what I do, what I don’t do and I guess that allows them to do more for the people around them, gives them room to reflect on how they can be better as people. 

I think you get to decide what kind of family you want to raise. <3 

I grew up thinking I don’t want to be like my parents. I want to have a stable job, I don’t want to be stuck in an unhappy marriage, I want to be surrounded by people who take my feelings into consideration before saying things that are hurtful to me. And well, I guess we naturally gravitate towards things we like. In a way, they taught me a lot about how NOT treat others. 

And while it feels lonely at first, I think the journey is worthwhile. 

[moonlitgleek]

Hey, I really loved your meta on the circumstances of Jon deciding to join the NW. I was wondering, what is your general opinion of AGoT Jon? I just saw a post about how he is supposed to be an insufferable character as he whines about being a bastard, while being ungrateful towards his privaledged upbringing and loving family. Idk, if that is the whole point because he learns and grows after bullying the recruits, or if it undermines his emotional and mental upbringing to view him like that?

It is most assuredly not the whole point.

To be frank, some of the discussion of AGoT!Jon seems like it is stuck in the chapter where he bullies the other recruits and is generally bemoaning his place at the Wall, and simultaneously fundamentally misunderstands the problem Jon’s behavior showed: Jon’s flaw was not that kept whining that he was a bastard or however he gets described, it’s that he could only see his own pain and his own problems and that he took it out on the others around him while implicitly expecting sympathy and recognition for what he was going through without caring to look farther than his own troubles; it’s that he could not recognize that his own behavior–that of an entitled brat–was why he was met with such a chilly reception; and yes, it’s that he could not recognize his own privilege and only saw his disadvantages. But Jon was disadvantaged. Erasing that to only focus on his privilege not only undercuts a major part in Jon’s story and identity arc, but also strikes me as rather unsympathetic to a boy of fourteen. Jon definitely enjoyed perks that many other bastards and most recruits on the Wall did not, but that does not change the fact that he grew up a bastard in a household whose chatelaine was invested in putting him in his place and asserting that Winterfell was most assuredly not it. This is a major point of contention in fandom, but I personally classify Catelyn’s treatment of Jon as emotional abuse, which should not be ignored when we’re talking about him. That’s why some of the discourse around this part of Jon’s story rubs me the wrong way because it smells too much of an expectation for Jon to just get over it already and grow up! He is whiny. He is broody. He is too caught up in his own pain, etc etc etc. He is freaking fourteen, and there is no set time limit for someone to get over trauma or they’d cease to be sympathetic or relatable. That’s a disturbing train of thought, and unhealthy expectation to put on a kid, especially one who already had to contend with unfair expectations being placed on him, as demonstrated in the conversation between Catelyn, Ned and Maester Luwin.

That, however, does not mean that Jon should not be held accountable for his actions at Castle Black, especially since his initial deeds were not exactly acts of solidarity to his fellow downtrodden. The narrative does not expect us to be on Jon’s side when he was lording his physicality over Tyrion, or when he was proclaiming his superiority to the other recruits or when he was expecting favorable treatment in demanding he accompany Benjen in his ranging. Neither of these moments were exactly a ringing character endorsement for Jon, and the narrative treats them as they are: shameful, mean and entitled behavior in which Jon was using his privilege, whether his physical ability or his castle-bred training, to bully others. He was being Theon Greyjoy, plain and simple. No, really. Jon’s thought process to explain why the other recruits hated him is too reminiscent of Theon’s own thoughts about why Jon hated him. That’s why Jon earned Donal Noye’s verbal smack-down to shake him out of that behavior and that narrow-minded view, and why Benjen had to tell him point-blank that he hadn’t earned what he was demanding. Jon needed those wake-up calls.

But while the narrative gives Jon’s behavior the reaction it deserved, it also does not neglect to remind us that Jon is fourteen years old. He is a kid, and kids do not typically see past their own troubles. His behavior was unacceptable, absolutely; it was petty and entitled and childish, but Jon was a child, and one who was dealing with feelings of abandonment and displacement, desperate to prove himself and find a place where he was not demeaned. The thing about this period of Jon’s story is that it represents the learning curve he had to go through in order to be the most suitable choice for interacting with the free folk later on. The point about these AGoT chapters is that Jon learned. It is not easy to recognize your privilege, neither is it easy to have your worldview challenged and to accept whatever change that challenge brings. But Jon managed both. He listened when he was rebuked for his behavior. He felt shame and unease when his misconduct was pointed out to him. He changed his attitude and went from looking down on his fellow recruits to helping them and even protecting them in the case of Sam. When he grew angry at his appointment to the stewards, Daeron and Sam’s words made him ashamed again for his tantrum. That’s not an easy thing to do; grown adults have trouble owning up to their mistakes or accepting challenge to their worldview, but Jon did both. That ability to revise his stance on things and to face his mistakes, his willingness to learn and desire to be better marks a very important part of Jon’s character, and is frankly one of the main reasons I love his character so much.

Those attributes are what propelled Jon to recognize that their society’s definition of masculinity was deeply flawed, and the stance that worth is ascribed or denied to a person simply based on their martial ability was faulty, which is why he saw the value of someone like Sam, a self-proclaimed craven based on Westerosi code of masculinity, but who is actually extremely brave and extremely valuable to the fight against the Others even if his bravery and his value do not lie in performative masculinity or on the field of battle. Or someone like Satin who does not fit masculinity standards at all with his traditionally feminine self-presentation and his profession that attracted the ire of other watchmen even more than literal rapists and murders simply because it was feminine-coded, but who is also loyal and steady and able as shown by him holding his own as a new recruit even in the face of the disarming attack from the free folk. Those attributes are what make Jon one of the most radical thinkers in the entire series. He was someone capable of facing his own prejudices and preconceived notions and conquering them. That’s how he was able to look beyond the bigoted view of the free folk and see them as simply human and equally entitled to protection and safety as much as anyone living south of the Wall. Jon, through a learning curve that started in AGoT, demonstrated how he was the perfect leader for the War for the Dawn because he proved that he was capable of looking beyond any and everything to see the common feature between warring sides–their humanity– and recognizing that this was the thing that mattered most in their fight, and that this shared humanity is what he was fighting for in the first place. That’s how he understood that holding onto old constructs about the evilness of the free folk was not acceptable anymore. He had the courage and the prudence to think about what his oath truly meant. But that ability did not come from nowhere. It was a journey that started with a privileged bastard taking his frustration out on his fellow recruits, to a lone ranger living and building relationships with the people he was taught were enemies, to a Lord Commander insistent on using his power and his position to do good. But the latter could not have been without the former, could not have been without the tutelage of Donal Noye, Benjen Stark, Jeor Mormont, Maester Aemon, Qhorin Halfhand, Mance Rayder, Tormund Giantsbane, Stannis Baratheon, and most importantly, Ned Stark himself who taught Jon the value of human life and who treated his lessers as human beings.

[janiedean]

I think you're being a little too hard on dany. Yeah, she hasn't had exactly the best tenure as queen, she's made lots of mistakes, but when you think about it, it's not entirely her fault. 1) she hasn't had the education that say, jon, tyrion or robb had, she was never supposed to be queen, for most of her life, the only things she knew about westeros were things viserys told her, which was likely very biased and not 100% accurate, she was on the run most of her life and then sold at 13 -

-to a man she doesn’t know. 2) during her tenure we can’t say she has had the wisest, brightest counseling, the best is probably barristan and it’s not saying much, barristan is a knight, not a ruler. This is why i can’t wait for her to meet tyrion, he would be the best adviser she could ever have, if then, with his cousel, she still fails, then maybe we can talk about her not being fit to rule. The context she’s in is also very different from anything she knows, from the free cities to what -little she knows about westeros, and she can’t really trust most of the local advisers… i don’t think many people would do better than her in this situation. Also jon is also a flawed ruler, I like him a lot better the dany, but he’s had a better education then her and isn’t ruling in a context he isn’t familiar with. Besides we like him as a ruler bc we are inside his mind, we know what he thinks, why he does what he does, we see him as pragmatic, open minded, and we love him for that, but -but where he fails is communicating his plans to his subordinates, not only bowen marsh & co, even his friends (those he doesn’t send away, another mistake!! the saying goes keep your friends close, your enemies closer, he forgot the first part), to them he’s betraying the watch by allowing the freefolk south the wall, if he only could communicate, maybe he wouldn’t be dead now… I do believe he’ll get better, learn from his mistakes, but so will dany. I’m not criticising, just discussing, i -hope you’re not offended :)) sorry for the long ask

man I don’t get offended because someone has different opinions than me on a fictional character and they’re nice about expressing them don’t worry xD It takes a lot to get me offended over nicely expressed opinions about fictional people ;)

anyway on to it: I’ll admit I’m probably a bit biased about dany in the sense that like, premise: I don’t hate her or anything and I think she’s fairly okay and I did like her povs up until asos, and then the ones in adwd were imo in dire need of an editor bringing an axe to them and I found them so boring that I probably don’t remember half of what happened so like, my opinions on dany are probably not as reliable as my opinions on theon or robb or jaime or people I’m actually interested in and whose povs I re-read more than once, but.

I agree that she hasn’t had an education in that sense, but thing is: these people we’re mentioning are all kids (never mind that the adults don’t do much better but still) and out of them, jon is the only one who’s managed to hold his own except for his PA problem because he sucks at communicating (that’s why he and robb would have been an a+ team haha) and the thing with dany is that… like… I don’t know how the hell to put it, but she has too many good intentions and too badly done executions.

like, you’re totally right that she hasn’t had the education and she has only viserys to tell her about westeros and barristan is a knight and not a ruler and so on, and tyrion is probably a better choice for her as an advisor than anyone else she’s had until now, but the thing is that she’s…. very sure that she’s right and she’s also immature in a way that’s fairly worrying. okay, she can get better, of course, but what I’m thinking is, never mind not listening to people when being told she couldn’t turn over the slavery system overnight or that crucifying people as a punishment because she thinks it’s deserved it’s perfectly fine, that IN THE BOOK she chunked out her perfect opportunity to go to westeros because she thought quentyn wasn’t hot.

like, it’s one of the few parts I remember clearly from adwd because I couldn’t stop thinking what the hell, but basically: you’ve been wanting to go to westeros since book one, you get a guy giving you an entire fleet and an alliance with dorne if you marry him and you tell him no while thinking if you had looked like your hot friend with you I might have said yes? like, the thing is that if you want to *rule* you can’t let yourself be ruled by that kind of thing. and fine, she’s a teenager so it’s normal that she wants to bang the hot guy or has the hots for daario and so on, but if you want to be a queen or a ruler then you… have to set it aside? in the show they made her do it (at least) and maybe in the book she’s getting there but fact is, there isn’t one thing she got right in mereen and her entire mindset of approaching ruling imo is completely flawed. 

and I mean, robb was fucked the moment he won at the whispering wood because if tywin lannister is planning your demise treacherously then you’re a dead man walking if he doesn’t die first but his worst mistakes were made out of consequences of impulsive decisions he took in a bad emotional moment (losing the frey alliance because he slept with jeyne because theon betrayed him and so on) and he did have the education. the reason I think jon’s the one with the best tenure out of the three (because his achilles’s heel is that he’s an introvert with bad communication issues mainly) is that he’s the only one who has - until now - managed to keep emotions and duty separate and even when he didn’t he did it later (ie he could have just defected and have all the red haired children in the world with ygritte but he didn’t), and when ruling he can separate his needs from what he has to do (which is why stannis likes him or at least one of the reasons why). and even if he’s too hard on himself (DON’T SHUT YOUR FRIENDS OUT JON) if you don’t count his miscommunication issues you know he’s pragmatic, he can weigh bad vs good consequences and that’s why I think that jon/dany if it happens will happen because it’s ultimately the best tactical choice and he’s gonna do it but without necessarily enjoying it. like, we’re also in dany’s head during adwd and in his and imo there was a really stark difference (hahahahaha puns!) in between how he approached ruling and how she did. and fine, he had the advantage of doing it somewhere he knew, but I really doubt jon got the exact same education as robb when it came to becoming lord of winterfell (and robb had an education for that, not for kingship, and he said it - I’m trying to do the best I can but idk what the fuck I’m doing) and he basically’s going out of WHAT WOULD MY FATHER HAVE DONE + WHAT HAVE PEOPLE TAUGHT ME ON THE WALL which imo is not all necessarily healthy (like, kill the boy and let the man be born has good sides and bad sides…) and with that he still managed to find a way to replenish the ranks, find food for winter, solve their financial woes, find allies against the white walkers and if he could have managed his PA and done some cultural integration his plan was to end the war with the wildlings too which has been a thing since forever? like, he’s flawed but eventually he’s the only one out of all the teenagers in a ruling position in westeros who was going somewhere and who had a vision he knew how to act on and who wasn’t putting feelings over needs, and on top of that the battle with the wildlings was basically him organizing the entire defenses and behaving like a seasoned commander at what, fifteen? sixteen? robb was probably better at that ngl and it shows they did have the same education there, but he did all of that without dragons and with an understaffed NW. and where did he fuck up? when he broke down and said he was going to winterfell to find arya.

as in, when it got personal. the one time that started the revolt was the one time he put feelings over needs. except that he did it once, dany’s done that for the entirety of her tenure while instead when she was khaleesing she was actually doing a lot better than average because I mean since she’s not an asshole she treats her warriors with respect and not as if they’re disposable slaves and she’s entirely more compassionate than the average. like, for a khaleesi she’s really really really good, as a ruler she’s really not as much and it’s personality-driven too. same as I think jon would be a terrible khal but is a very good ruler/defender. and when I say that imo dany’s better off khaleesing in essos it’s not because I don’t like her, it’s because I honestly think she’d do more good and do better with that lifestyle than on the iron throne. also because she’s there to deconstruct the whole ‘CONQUEROR WHO COMES FROM OUTSIDE AND MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER’ type and idk if she gets on the throne in westeros it’s really too obvious and not at all a deconstruction unless both she and jon hate it, so *shrug*.

I mean, obviously both will learn from their mistakes and there’ll be character development - I don’t think that hers necessarily means becoming a good ruler because until she learns to distinguish feelings and needs and to be less emotion-driven (and until she learns that she’s not always right just because she’s daenerys targaryen and the blood of the dragon) she won’t get there. hopefully tyrion’s counseling might get her there, but my point is that jon already has the right priorities sorted and he has a personality/way of thinking that lends itself to that job, dany imo doesn’t.

but that’s me obviously. also again I’m not a dany expert and like, I don’t hate her but my opinions on dany are what they are, don’t expect the same level of me having thought it through as my opinions re characters I actually care about xD

[cncorner]

I Got T at Howard Brown! An Overly Detailed Post

Note: I wrote several in-depth descriptions on Reddit about some of my experiences so far. Here’s one I posted on April 5

I got T! I am T'd! My leg hurts... because it's full of T!

Here's another overly detailed account, this time of me getting T. I'll be highlighting areas again.

About Me

I'm FTM! I've been dressing like a guy for my entire adult life and have been fascinated with transition-related stuff since I was like 15, but Not Because I Was Trans, Nope. I've been in therapy since the beginning of the year to deal with gender-related issues.

Why I Chose to Start T

I've wanted to go on T (and "could handle not being on T, I'm serious") on and off ever since I decided that I could handle giving myself shots, so maybe 7 years? But I hate talking about it and doctors make me kind of nervous because I have trouble standing up for myself. Talking with my therapist helped me gather the confidence to talk to strangers (essentially) about transitioning needs. I visited my family last month and being around them made me feel "done" with being a woman, so when I came back home I told my therapist that I'm Fucking Ready, let's do this bitch.

Planning the Appointment

I told my therapist that I wanted to start, and they told me I had a couple of options: Howard Brown, Planned Parenthood, and an endocrinologist who works with trans people whom my therapist never mentioned again so I axed that option. My therapist said that Howard Brown liked doing bloodwork (which I liked) but there was a waiting list (which I didn't like); PP didn't have as much of a waiting list it was kind of implied that they didn't do bloodwork. Both work under consent-based models. My therapist also mentioned that Howard Brown just hired a bunch of phlebotomists who could be kind of strange.

When I got home from that appointment I found the closest Howard Brown clinic (which was, like, a 40 minute drive away) and made an appointment. They asked my legal and preferred name, and preferred pronouns. The waiting list was like two weeks, which I was okay with.

I also wanted to see what the waiting list for PP was, so I looked online. I thought there would be a location closer to me (I'm in the NW Chicago suburbs), but the closest was still a 50 minute drive. But I had gone to that one before when I didn't have insurance so I knew where it was and where I could park. I tried making an appointment through their online booking application, but apparently for new trans patients you have to call. I called the number the application gave me and it gave me a phone tree with two options: Family Planning, and Abortion. I figured that was the wrong number, so I dug up the number for the particular location I was interested in. It gave me the same phone tree. I tried the first number again, and got the same phone tree, then just chose the family planning option.

The receptionist who answered didn't ask me about family planning, and I told them that I wanted to start HRT. They said that they do first-time HRT patients with two visits. The first visit would have been that Monday and the second visit the Monday after that (ending up being 4 days before the Howard Brown appointment). Both times available were during my work hours. I was still going to make the appointment and deal with the work stuff later when my phone connection failed and I got hung up on.

I took it as a sign and didn't try calling again.

Waiting

Sucked.

The Appointment

They recommended showing up 15 minutes before your appointment; I got there in 20. I parked on the street and walked up to the building, which was a large stand-alone clinic. They had a small parking lot but it was full. There was a lot of street parking options around it, and I noticed a bus stop sign right outside. There was a Walgreen's pharmacy inside.

There was a front desk right inside the door and I stopped by there and got my new-patient paperwork, as well as an anxiety/depression questionnaire that they said that they give to everyone every time they visit. They also gave me a large laminated card with a number on it and told me to sit in the waiting area. There were a lot of visibly... GNC/queer (?) people there, which made me feel more at-ease.

I sat down and almost immediately my number was called before I filled out the paperwork. I was called up to a booking station (? I'm not sure, I've never seen two "receptionist" desks in a clinic before) and they took my ID and insurance information. They said to give them the paperwork after I was done with it. I sat back down in the waiting area and filled out my paperwork and gave it to the booking lady.

Five minutes after my appointment time I was called in (appt time at 11:20, so I was called in at about 11:25), and put in an exam room. The nurse tech (??? I have no idea) took my blood pressure, temperature, and O2 stats (that finger thing), said that someone would come see me in a bit, then left.

I had no cell phone reception so I played solitaire on my phone.

The More Important Nurse (but not a doctor) came in at around 11:55 or so. We talked about (in some order I don't remember): my current prescriptions, my family medical history, my preferred pronouns, my gender identity, what I was in for that day, planning the rest of my visit, figuring out my preferred method of T-delivery, and the side effects of T. She handed me a pamphlet with the effects of T and estimated rates of changes, and the expected frequency of visits and bloodwork. She also asked if I'd like to make Howard Brown my GP and I said yes. She said that they bought T in bulk (something like that) so they can sell it directly because a lot of insurances don't cover it.

After I agreed that I wanted to start T and that I'd like subdermal injections, we went to the lab. At the lab I did a urine test (for STDs because I haven't been tested in a while and it was like "might as well") and I got blood drawn. I had to wait a bit to make sure I didn't pass out so I talked about getting blood drawn at military clinics because apparently me and the phlebotomist both were military brats, so that was kind of cool.

After the lab I went back out into the waiting area and to the Walgreens to pick up my prescription. It was around 12:30 or so at this point. It took a while to get it together (about 20 minutes, because it had just been ordered). I talked with another patient who didn't know great English, but her English was better than my Lebanese so she was probably better off than me. I got a vial of testosterone, needles, syringes, a sharps container, and a pile of alcohol wipes. The T was $20 and the pharmacist said that it'll last for ~230 days, which blew my mind. I asked how much it would be covered by my insurance and she said that under my insurance it was $30 for 30 days.

I checked in at the front desk again for injection training and they gave me another laminated card, this time with a letter on it. I went into the waiting room and was immediately called up. I told the booking lady that I needed injection training and she seemed confused. She called someone up and said she had a patient in front of her, and told me to sit down again.

I waited for an hour. I saw a music video for PrEP and lost a lot of games of solitaire.

I got up to call my fiance to let him know that I might not get home in time to take him to work and if he needed to take an Uber then I'll buy him dinner. On the way in the receptionist noticed me and asked if I needed anything else. I told her that I'd just been waiting for an hour and needed to call someone. She got upset on my behalf and checked the scheduling system to learn that they didn't put me on the schedule for the injection training. She apologized and said that it would be another 20 minutes. I didn't really have a choice, so I sat back down.

Twenty minutes later I got called in to a different exam room. This new nurse (???) asked if I wanted her to demonstrate how to inject or to walk me through it. I definitely wanted to inject correctly once before leaving so I took the second option. I took apart my bag of medication and she walked me through all the steps. Subdermal was easy for me because I'm chunky and I have a lot of space to inject and fat to pull up. I "felt" the needle, it was the barest pinch, but most of the stress of having a needle in me was from the knowledge of having a needle in me and not so much from feeling it. About 3/4 inch of the needle went inside of me. I felt fine afterwards. It took a bit for me to get dizzy and the nurse said that sometimes the adrenaline rush after getting a shot masks the dizziness and that I took self-injecting well for someone who's afraid of needles.

After that I was done. It was about 2:30 then, which was far longer than it should have been because they forgot to put me in their schedule for self-injection training. My fiance had to take an Uber, so we're probably eating sushi tonight.

Two Hours On T

Nothing has happened. I feel hungry, but that's because I was so nervous that I hadn't eaten anything today yet. I did feel a small wave of calm about an hour ago that felt similar to a drug hitting my brain but I'm definitely chalking that up mostly to either adrenaline wearing off or anxiety wearing off.

But I'm T'd now. 👍

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

Aren't you being a little tough on Dick lately? Anything he's done Bruce has done far worse. Dick is only human. This has been a really stressful arc for him and while he hasn't been able to always keep his cool around Damian, he still does show his love for him. Afterall he did think how he'd never be a good dad if he couldn't protect Damian so Damian's not the only one projecting that dad/kid vibe. There's also the fact Dick has done more for Damian emotionally then anyone else. Lately they-

2 They still interact a lot offscreen and talk to each other. We see Dick talks about Damian all the time Kori and Shawn. The guy even tells Damian about his past love life and more current situations like his fight with Bab's back in the first arc. Seems more like Damian has been way more upset with Bruce's neglect and the thought of Dick having his own kid made him feel upset at sharing Dick like he has to with Bruce. Also forgot to mention he gets annoyed when Dick acts overprotective so -

3 underneath the worries he does know how much Dick loves him. Not trying to say Dick is blameless but I don't see a Damian as the total victim here either. I think both are trying to adjust to the shifting of their family dynamics and life's circumstances and they end up snapping at each other because there is no one else the other is more comfortable with. Damian's been hurting Dick's feelings too by making assumptions just to cover his own feelings he's not honest about.

Same anon as before, just wanted to clarify I do think Dick was a bit too harsh here and there. But I feel like writing in a Dick's pov since you've got Damian covered pretty well. I also wanted to add that I don't blame Dick first being oblivious about Damian's real feelings. Damian hasn't been honest at all unless Dick is too out of his mind to remember it. Dick's been very honest about his feelings and why he's acting the way he is. He even points out Bruce's priorities are hurting Damian -

2 whether Damian admits it or not (he doesn't). Dick is very in tuned to Damian but he's no mind reader. Everytime he's honest with Damian, Damian counters with a lie out of pride to hide what's really bothering him. Of course it's going to frustrate Dick if all Damian does is accuse him of stealing a legacy he knows Dick never wanted. I imagine if Damian had just told Dick what he said in NW 17 then Dick would have been a lot more sensitive and worked things out better.

Oooooh boy.

Okay, so, are we talking about my fics? Or in general? Or what? 

I don’t think I’m being too harsh on Dick, but then again - I’m not talking about Dick. It doesn’t matter what Dick does or doesn’t do, normally I’m talking about Damian and how he sees things happening, or people acting. 

Also, all the things you mentioned Dick doing in this arc - he doesn’t do that to or around Damian. Dick’s talk about not being a good father because he can’t protect Damian was an inner monologue. No one knows he thought that. You said Dick wasn’t a mindreader, well guess what? Neither is Damian. So he talks to Kori and Shawn about Damian - we don’t know what he says, and neither does Damian. He could be talking about how annoying and terrible Damian is. 

But okay, I’ll humour you. Say Dick did all these fabulous and wonderful things that showed Damian that his brother loved him. And Dick believes that’s enough. However - do we know Damian knows and sees Dick’s intentions in these actions? Or can he conjure up other reasons for Dick’s actions?

That’s what I’m exploring in my...whatever you think I’m ‘too tough’ to Dick in. Exploring Dick’s actions is secondary, I’m exploring Damian’s mindset and thought process.

He gets annoyed when Dick is overprotective - how do we know it’s not because he thinks Dick thinks he can’t handle the danger and is weak? And Damian straight up said - it wasn’t anything about sharing really, because there wouldn’t be sharing at all. Damian’s not scared of sharing, he’s scared of being cut out of Dick’s life completely.

And Damian was honest and upfront. But every time he tried to talk to Dick about the legacy thing, Dick gave him attitude. Any time Damian tried to take a second to think their next action through or, god forbid, protect his older brother, Dick shoved him to the side, ranting about how he couldn’t lose Shawn, that Shawn was the most important thing right then. 

If you were Damian, how would you take that? How would you take being told by someone you love dearly, and even believe loves you dearly back, that someone else is more important than you? You said Dick’s been open and upfront this whole time - wouldn’t that mean Damian should take all this openness and honesty about Shawn being the most important as the whole truth? 

Neither are completely to blame, just as neither are completely victims, I never said that. However, Dick is the adult here, and I - and many others - think he should be acting better. 

Basically, you’re mad at me because we interpret the character and situation that he’s currently in differently. You’re trying to convince me of your view, and right now, I don’t like that, because you’re telling me I’m wrong, which I’m also not. 

Frankly to me, it sounds like you don’t like or care about Damian, which is what all of my meta/stories/etc have been about. So, to fight me about Dick (who is the love of my life, like literally, I have a nightwing tattoo, that’s how much I love this fool and I will fight for him) I feel like you’re kind of barking up the wrong tree here, and have completely missed the point.

So just simmer down a bit. I’m not wrong, and you’re not wrong. But I don’t agree with or even see the evidence of a single thing you said, so. Don’t let me upset you for hours on end like I apparently already have. Just go move on and enjoy or not enjoy this arc however you want to. Don’t rain on other people’s parades or interpretations. That’s rude. 

[fyeahnewwarriors]

History of the NW (part 5)

Meet the Folding Circle, the team who attacked and overwhelmed Thrash in last issue. Their leader, Left Hand, has gathered them because their fate is connected and crab, and Thrash is the final piece in the puzzle. Why do they all believe Left Hand on his word? I have no idea. By the way, those shades that the big half-naked guy named Bloodstrike is wearing; do they exist? because I totally want a pair myself.

Anyway, Thrash joins the Circle to find the truth, whatever that is. Meanwhile, the Warriors finds a badly hurt Silhuette. She was attacked by Tai, who apparently is the one behind the corruption of the Taylor Foundation. After taking Sil to the hospital, the Warriors visit Chord who has woken up from his coma. He explains that Tai, who has mystical powers, has healed him. Chord tells them that Tai is in Cambodia, ready for Thrash arrival, and that it's all about a pact five soldiers(that included Chord) made with Tai. Chord can't explain much to the Warriors because of his brain-damage, but they get that Thrash is going to be in trouble and that they have to save him from Tai, who apparently isn't just a fortune-cookie lady. But the problem is that A) They are undermanned, since Thrash is the one they are suppose to save, Vance is under arrest, and one of them has to stay to represent the New Warriors (in this case Firestar) if necessary in Vance's trial, and B) None of them can fly the helicopter. But the Warriors gets help from two of their allies; Darkhawk, a fellow teen superhero with a magical amulet who had team-ups with the Warriors, and Rage, a 12 year old boy trapped in an adult super-strong body, who's also a member of the Avengers(the Avengers are unaware of his real age).

Alright then, now they have a big enough team. But what about transportation? Well, Rage can't fly a helicopter, but he CAN fly a jet (barely). He is an Avenger in training and has learned briefly how to fly one of their quinjets. And since its unlikely that the Avengers would believe that an 80 years old lady is going to take over the world(not that it would be the oddest thing they had heard about), the Warriors only has one option left: They must steal the Avengers jet.

... Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen! They high-jack expensive planes from the local authorities!

Meanwhile, Vance's trial has started. His defense-attorney is no one else but Foggy Nelson.

Foggy does all he can to make his point that Vance acted in self-defense, and that he is a genuinely good person, a hero too, who would never harm a person by choice. Even gets a testemony from Ben Grimm AKA the Thing.

Unfortunately the other lawyer, Racheal Dreyfuss, does just as good a job to point out that Vance has shown, in his identity as Marvel Boy, to have great control over his powers and that he could therefor (in theory) defend himself without the need of lethal force.

Meanwhile in Cambodia, the Folding Circle has found Tai inside an ancient temple where they get caught by her and we get an explanation for what the hell is going on.

Tai is an evil sorcerer, and like all other evil sorcerers she wants to conquer the world. To do so, she needs to sacrifice members of her clan who has blood from both East and West. So she abducted a bunch of American Solders (among them were Thrash's father and Chord) so they could marry and breed with her daughters so she could sacrifice them to get the power. But apparently this pact never happened because Night Thrasher's father didn't agree to be part of it...

And The Warriors must be sacrificed too, or instead, or... or...

ARRRRGGGH!!!

I don't think I have to explain why this story-ark almost made me give up the title. Its weird, messy, and I have checked the unofficial NW fan-site newwarriors.com a couple of times before writing this, and I STILL don't get it! What I do get is that Tai apparently needed Thrash to fulfill the pact, because...  don't know, really... So she hexed Chord, made him kill Thrash's parents, and then use magic to make the little boy forget who killed them. Why? Because she needed Thrash to become a superhero (?), so he would form a group that she could sacrifice... which I don't get, because I thought she needed that "East and West" thingy, and why do they have to be superheroes, and...

ARRRRGGGGH!!!!

Look, let's cut the crap: Tai is a magic evildoer, she wants to rule the world, and she killed Thrash's parents. Lets get to the big fight already!

The Folding Circle and the Warriors unite their forces to fight for their life. Tai is pretty much Vietnam's Sorcerer Supreme, but she needs to concentrate. Unfortunately, she is no pushover in close combat either, so hurting her is easier said than done. Things looks pretty bad when the Circle runs away with their tail behind their legs, but by a stroke of luck, Thrash manege to gun down Tai (BTW, I forgot to mention that Thrash carries a machine-gun) and as Tai screams in pain, the temple (of course) collapses on itself. Its over. The Warriors has saved the world from the most confusing plan ever made by a comic-book villain (and that says a lot) and Thrash has finally avenged his parents. Unfortunately, his victory is hollow, now hat he know that he has been lied to and manipulated into every decision that has led him to where he is now, and that his life has been based on a bunch of lies. And just to make it perfect; Vance has been found guilty in negligent homicide and sentenced to 14 mounts in the superhuman prison The Vault with minimum security. It could have been MUCH worse, not that it is much comfort for Vance, or Firestar, who has recently discovered that she loves him.

Bummer...

BTW, remember the jet that the New Warriors stole from the Avengers? It got stolen by the Circle when they ran away. The Avengers is less than pleased about this.

With the exception of Hercules, who might overreact a tidy bit, the Avengers actually takes it rather well, considering that we talk about a jet worth three-quarts of a billion dollars, not to mention the damage done on the hangar. They understand that Rage meant no harm, and he was just trying to help the Warriors. BUT that doesn't change the fact that Rage stole a million dollar plane, so there has to be consequences, and the Avengers must kindly ask Rage to leave the team.

After packing his stuff and leaving the Avengers Mansion, Speedball is waiting for him outside, and ask Rage if he wants to be a full-time member of the Warriors. Rage accepts the offer, possibly looking forward to be on a team where his teammates will be closer to his age.

And the Warriors are in need of more members, since Thrash has taken a leave of absence, so he can get control over his life (we will get to that eventually).

Meanwhile, Nita, Nova and Firestar decides to rescue Vance from jail, by stopping the prison-truck transporting Vance to the superhuman prison; The Vault. They manege to do so, and takes on the guardsmen. But before the situation can get out of hand, Vance use his telekinesis to stop the fighting. He tells his friend that he doesn't want to be freed. Even though he didn't intent to kill his father, he still did so, and that means that he has to go to jail. Nita yells that its not fair, smashing a three in anger, to which Vance reply that its not important what they think about the laws, but that they lived by it. He appreciate that they want to help him but there is a system in the country, in witch Vance believe in. And even though he could use his powers to ignore the law, doesn't mean that he is above it.

How you like THAT, X-Men?

There could have been serious consequences for the Warriors, if it wasn't for the fact that Vance has the guardsmen sympathy, so they are ready to leave the Warriors off the hock IF they help them fix the van, as Firestar and Vance is allowed a private moment before they drive Vance to the Vault.

Firestar confess her love to Vance, which he return, and she tells him that she is ready to offer herself to him, both spirit and body.

That's right, she wants to "do it" with Vance, out in a forest, with two of their friend and three strangers only a few meters away.

DUDE!!!

Before I go on, I would like to ad that I'm not mocking a young woman, who are about to say goodbye to her first serious love-interest, and therefor wants to share the ultimate intimacy with him before he gets locked up and she won't see him for a long time. But still... DUDE!!!

Vance tells her that he want's to, but that he want it to be special (well it would be, I can promise you that) and that he thinks they should wait to their wedding-night.

... A few years later:

Ouch!

Nita, Nova and Firestar are left with no other option but to watch as their friend gets driven away to jail, wondering how they can go on.

That’s all for now. I’m Waezi2, and thanks for wasting time with me.

[eddiesmunsonn]

Everything with an 8. Plus 19, 33, 57, 71, and 100

Thank you! 😊

8. Where are you from?

NW England

18. Do you want children?

Not really fussed tbh. I wouldn’t mind having kids, but I wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t - my mother’s another story though, she wants to have grand babies and I’m an only child haha.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Nah. Only time I ever went to church was because I went to C of E schools so had to. I don’t even know if I want to get married. Couldn’t stand being up in front of loads of people. 

28. What type of music do you like?

This is a strange one, I love so much music. Mostly rock, britpop (oasis, blur), indie and I’m also partial to a bit of metal. I really hate pop music lmao but my 2020 playlist has no songs from 2020, it only has rock, indie, britpop and metal. the only songs that are from the last decade are deaf havana and the newer fall out boy stuff haha 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Nothing. I just have dinner and tea. I mostly only wake up at like 10/11 but even if I’m up at 5/6 for work I still won’t have anything to eat until dinner time. If I absolutely have to, I’ll force myself to eat a piece of toast. But I’m mostly fine with a good cuppa. 

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

I think it was like 47 hours? Maybe 50? I can’t really remember much of that time haha. 

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Aye

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

I can probably get ready in about 10 minutes and leave the house if I showered the night before. I used to stay in bed till 6:35 and leave the house at 6:45 for the bus when I had to be at work for 7:10 - thankfully he’s finished school now so I don’t have to do the morning rush anymore! 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Nah not really. 

68. Favourite school subject?

In high school it was ICT, Geography and Chemistry. But when I went to sixth form/College it was Psychology (which I only picked because I needed a forth subject) so that’s how I ended up doing a Psych degree & masters. 

71. What makes you nervous?

Loads of things. Being late. Not knowing where I’m going or the route to get there. If I go to a new place like a farm or something, I get nervous if I don’t know if there are snakes there. I had a really bad experience at a farm once where i went into the mini-beasts place - MINI - MINI!!!!- and turned a corner and there was a huge 6ft boa constrictor just chilling and I had the worst panic attack of my life. I also get nervous if I have to go somewhere new or I don’t know someone and have to talk to them. 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Only weed haha. I’ve seen what drugs do to people and I’m scarred for life lmao. 

80. How many piercings do you have?

None but not because I’m scared of needles our out, I just don’t think I’d suit them.

81. Can you roll your Rs?

Nope. 

82. How fast can you type?

Relatively fast.

83. How fast can you run?

Probably about the same speed as a sloth

84. What colour is your hair?

brown

85. What colour is your eyes?

blue

86. What are you allergic to?

Bullshit. lol I’m not allergic to anything actually - touch wood. Though I am scared of being stung by bees and wasps because you don’t know if you’re allergic until you’re stung.

87. Do you keep a journal?

Nope. 

88. What do your parents do?

Mum is a TA for disabled adults at a college and dad used to work in a paper mill. 

89. Do you like your age?

Not really arsed about it tbh. 

100. Colour of your room.

Lol this is embarrassing. It’s green and yellow (childhood bedroom) because my favourite teletubbies were Dipsy and La-la. 

[dailyposttribune]

Gaming and Digital Use Disorder

Originally posted on Caron

If you or someone you know is suffering from or at risk of an alcohol addiction, take the next step and reach out to a Caron specialist at 800-854-6023 or contact us online.

Julie Parise: When you think of video game or smartphone addiction, you might think about teenagers who are seemingly always scrolling away on their various devices, but there are adults who need help addressing their tech addiction as well. Ryan Hanson, executive director of Caron Renaissance is here today to talk more about digital use disorder. Ryan, thank you so much for being here.

Ryan Hanson: Glad to be here.

Julie Parise: So I was surprised to find out that one of the fastest growing patient populations for treatment of digital addiction isn’t teens, it’s not young adults, it’s people 35 and older. Tell me a little bit about that.

Ryan Hanson: So 35 year olds and in that general age bracket are people who are hitting the middle of their life. And so they’re asking some of those existential questions of what comes next. They’ve finished school, they’ve moved on. And those midlife questions are tough questions. So digital escapism when I’m not sure if I’m ready to answer those or I’m fearful about what some of those answers might be is an easy way for some people to prolong that.

Julie Parise: Well, what does the disorder look like in people of that age group?

Ryan Hanson: So it looks different than kids. What it looks like for this group are online shopping and it looks like escapism through social media. It’s utilizing some things that we all take for granted and in smaller doses are completely fine, but they don’t show up the same way with a 35 or 45 or 55 year old as they do with a 15 year old. Julie Parise: Now you mentioned social media. Does that play a large role in this use disorder? Ryan Hanson: Absolutely, because it’s something that we take for granted in two ways. One, it’s readily accessible and we’re all generally speaking using it, and we use it as a way to communicate with one another. My kid’s birthday party is going to be posted as a Facebook invite. Julie Parise: Sure. Ryan Hanson: Okay? But it’s also a way for people in an unhealthy potentiality to compare themselves to others. So people are putting their best face on here’s what’s going on with my life and with my family. And if somebody is already struggling with, am I happy? They’re thinking about why don’t I feel as happy as these people seem to look? Julie Parise: That comparison is what’s dangerous, you’re saying? Ryan Hanson: Absolutely.

Julie Parise: So how many hours is someone with this disorder spending on their phone?

Ryan Hanson: Well, so an average person, if we just take some statistics, an average person right now is spending almost six hours a day on their phones or on some form of digital media. So people who are struggling with this may be doing that same amount or they may be doing more.

Julie Parise: And that includes that online shopping or that playing video games or social media?

Ryan Hanson: Absolutely. That can show up through a variety of different platforms. And it’s really about what impact is this having on the other areas of their life. It’s not simply that they’re using it, it’s that they’re experiencing anxiety, it’s that they’re experiencing depression, it’s that they’re withdrawing from other social activities so they’re not present for their own life or for their family’s lives as a result.

Julie Parise: So you’re touching on my next question, I was going to ask you to outline the warning signs of what this looks like, but it seems like those would be big red flags.

Ryan Hanson: Absolutely. So if somebody is experiencing some of this as they’re experiencing depression and dissatisfaction with their life, as they’re starting to withdraw or as they’re watching some of their loved ones withdraw, those are incredible warning signs for us to be aware of.

Julie Parise: But Ryan, we live in such a digital world. How is this treatment… Is it possible?

Ryan Hanson: Absolutely. And I think it’s really important that we talk about the legitimacy of this disorder. The World Health Organization has identified this, other organizations have identified this, so we know it’s real. So when families are thinking about, well, they’re just on their phone too much, or they just seem distracted. We want them to understand that this is a real disorder and that recovery is possible. But recovery is possible when someone has received a thorough professional, comprehensive assessment and developed a treatment plan that makes sense for them.

Julie Parise: Is the first step digital detox, so to speak?

Ryan Hanson: It is actually. So yeah, there are three steps that we look at when we’re treating this disorder. The first, once somebody has been properly screened and assessed, then we’re looking at implementing a detox from whatever their digital media is. Then some external regulation where they’re receiving professional support, and then as they develop some of the tools that they need to have some healthy balance and reintegrate… as you said, we’re going to use digital media, we’re going to use some of these things, but reintegrating it in a way that’s healthy and makes more sense for them.

Julie Parise: So there’s hope then for someone struggling with these issues to really live a balanced life.

Ryan Hanson: Absolutely. It’s completely treatable. It’s just important for people to work together and to identify it as early as possible.

Julie Parise: Excellent. Ryan Hanson, thank you so much for being here.

Ryan Hanson: Thank you for having me.

Julie Parise: If you’d like more information on digital use disorder, you can visit caron.org.

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