#now I'm going to sleep because I'm tired af
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i just got up AN HOUR EARLY 😩😭
#turned my alarm clock an hour early#like... an HOUR#and now i am awake and have to get up in half an hour#and i JUST realized#how incredibly stupid#because falling back asleep would be disastrous#but not going back to sleep i'm gonna be tired af#ugh#omg#i cant even#turtely
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HUGE VENT
I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen
My routine these last two weeeks has been:
-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep
-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw
-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am
I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍
Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore
Silence is actually worse than loud rooms
It's driving me insane
It's so loud
#literaly so mentally exhausted to the point that i forgot to ask a bunch of really important stuff and tests at my last gyneco appointement#i can't remember which med I'm supposed to take at a specific hour and which one is whenever. so i just take them both at the same time#i can't remember if i have still boxes of meds in advance and which one i need to go refill#because they're stuff i need to constantly take and not suddenly stop with#but i keep forgetting to check#and i can't remember where i put the prescriptions anyway#and which one are the right one and which one are old#I'm so tired#and I'm so tired of being tired#and I'm SO so so tired of constantly fighting to have my health and struggles acknowledge#i kinda just gave up and now i'm just mindlessly sitting there at the appointments for only 10 minutes being being told that i can leave#I've just been run in circles for way too long#and i get aggresively criticised every time i use advice and seek for help on the Internet. by the same doctors who don't give me ANY advic#or help#and my head has been pounding for two days#and my verbal ticks have gotten so bad that it genuinely gets hard to breathe sometimes#with a therapist that just made me talk in circles and lowkey criticised me for two hours#(this was our first real therapy meeting and they're supposed to only be 1 hour and are NOT reimbursed because the autism center will NOT#fucking answer to ANYONE. medical professional or not. so i had to go private 😃👍)#and the only thing she gave me at the end of those 2 hours was this schedule that I'm not allowed to bend#I've been trying to daydream about my AUs and develope them as usual to try to feel better#but now that i have time to draw. i just get more and more drawing ideas that keep pilling up and tear me apart from the inside because i#can't draw any of them thanks to this damn fatigue#i literally only did 1 af revenge and still need to do 3 more. and i genuinely don't know if I'll manage to do that#i told two friends that ill draw something for them. but nothing. because too tired and everything keeps slipping from my mind#i will daydream about Dimentio for hours straight. then forget that i did. and panic that the fixation is slipping because i “haven't#thought about him in a while“. ”a while“ was 40 seconds ago. I'm not exaggerating this keeps happening#i also keep spending the night DRENCHED in sweat because i just can't sleep without my blanket on me anymore. so more struggles#vent#negative
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today it's one of those 'fuck everything' days in which I'm having McDonald's, will order ice cream later, and we will be having a DnD session
#neo.txt#on the other hand I'm so tired because lately I'm hyper at night so I'm going to sleep later#LIKE I'M TIRED AF NOW BUT?? THEN NIGHT COMES AND I ACTIVATE
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Btw. I completed chapter 5 of the WIP in between. I've just been so tired the last few days that I forgot to post about it.....
#yugioh 5ds#fic writing updates#current wip#ngl I'm frustrated af right now because I can tell my writing has slowed down significantly#and it's all the dumb fault of irl obligations kicking my ass#I am. so. tired.#this fic author does not have enough time to rest#and she does not have enough enrichment in her enclosure either#the fic is still progressing because I'm a stubborn bitch#but uh. not much else is. my motivation for anything other than going to sleep and writing a few sentences every night is dead r/n.#siiiiiiiiiiigh#so yeah just in case you were wondering how things are going#orchid rambles
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I DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR WINNING | Sebastian Vettel
f1 masterlist | wattpad | ao3 | instagram
rbr sebastian vettel x schumacher!reader | part 2 here
summary: y/n thinks she's sick from f1 traveling stress, but what if that's not the reason of her sickness?
word count: 992
warnings: hints of having sex. mentions of wishing to die (because reader is sick af). use of y/n
you can send your one shots requests here! feedback, as well as comments and reblogs, are truly appreciated!
It was barely five in the morning, and the sun was beginning to rise on the horizon of the city of Berlin. Sebastian and you, without having been able to rest after the German Grand Prix that had taken place just hours ago, were at the airport of the German capital, ready to head to Hungary, where the next Formula 1 competition would be held.
You were aware that following the lifestyle of a high-level racing driver was not easy. However, you didn't think that getting eight hours of sleep or having free time would become privileges that you would have, in part, during the holiday period. Despite the excitement that filled you every time you embarked on a new destination, you had been feeling unwell for several days, and no matter how hard you tried to remedy it, all you did was worsen it.
Seb, who knew you well enough to know that something was wrong, tried not to make a big deal out of it. He knew that you tended to get sick frequently, although the fact that you was quieter than usual and didn't have as much energy as usual started to worry the blonde who, at the moment of takeoff, observed carefully as your face grew paler, while you gripped the armrest of the seat tightly.
"Y/N, are you okay?" Sebastian asked with concern.
You tried to breathe deeply to calm the wave of nausea you were feeling right now.
"Yes," you simply replied, faking a smile. "I just feel a little uncomfortable with takeoff, you know airplanes and I are not friends. Stop worrying, love. You'll see it'll pass soon."
Despite your multiple reassurances, Seb couldn't convince himself. Your eyes reflected how you felt, and he had no doubt that you were hiding something from him to avoid worrying him.To try to relax you, he leaned towards you to leave a kiss on your cheek.
"Sweetheart, I know you've told me you're okay, but if you start feeling worse, let me know, okay?"
You nodded, silently thanking the German for his concern.
Although he tried not to make a big deal out of it, the truth was that as the flight progressed towards its destination, you felt worse, even reaching the point where nausea turned into frequent trips to the bathroom to vomit, and constant dizziness into a desire to faint and not wake up for a few days.
"Seb, I swear… I can't deal with this anymore."
After suddenly getting up from your seat, hurrying to the bathroom trying not to cause too much commotion among the other passengers, you quickly locked yourself in the small cubicle, bending over the toilet to empty everything you didn't know you had inside yourself. Sebastian watched with concern as you fled, trying not to lose his composure under the curious gaze of those present, including a few Red Bull engineers.
“Y/N!”, Seb called out as quietly as he could, anxious because you weren’t responding. “Are you okay? Please, open the door.”
You didn't answer him, which only heightened Vettel's anxiety. He fixed his gaze on the bathroom door, waiting for you to come out and give him some explanation of what was happening.
After what felt like an eternity, you emerged from the bathroom with a completely pale face and a tired look. Sebastian simply pulled her close to his chest and held her tightly in an embrace.
"Love, what's wrong?" he said anxiously. "I need to know what's going on. Things can't continue like this if you're going to keep accompanying me. I'm sure it's getting to you: everything is overwhelming you and..."
Suddenly, you began to cry from the helplessness you were feeling, causing Sebastian to hold you even tighter, stroking your back to help you relax as much as possible.
"I can't take it anymore, Seb. I feel awful. I want to die right now."
"We should seek help," he said, wiping your tears away. "We'll see what we can do now to keep you as relaxed as possible for the remainder of the flight, okay? And when we land, we'll go to an emergency room to see what's wrong with you."
Sebastian then called one of the flight attendants in their area and explained the distressing situation, emphasizing that he wouldn't want anyone to find out to avoid conflicts with both the media and his team. The flight attendant simply nodded and informed them to return to their seats, immediately assisting the world champion's partner.
"Mrs. Vettel, here's some water and an aspirin," the woman kindly offered you. "Additionally, I've informed the crew about your wife's situation," she said, now looking at the blonde, "and they confirmed that if she gets worse, there's no problem in making an emergency landing at the nearest airport."
"I'm not Sebastian's wife..."
"Thank you very much," the driver interrupted, thanking the flight attendant for her assistance.
The German began to laugh at your reaction as soon as the woman left.
"You should have seen your face, Y/N. You can't deny that you didn't mind being referred to as my wife," Seb said, stroking your hair and opening the water bottle for you to take a sip.
The flight continued, and although the nausea had been brought under control, the discomfort persisted. The couple was aware that there was only, thankfully, about half an hour of travel left.
"Darling," Sebastian whispered sweetly. "Close your eyes and focus on your breathing: inhale through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. I'm here, hold my hand."
You followed your partner's instructions, allowing yourself to be guided by his voice, which was truly comforting in those moments, in each inhalation and exhalation. Gradually, you began to feel calmer, and you would even swear that you hadn't felt this way in several days.
Finally, the plane reached its destination. You felt greatly relieved that the flight, which had caused you so much distress, had come to an end as it had left her physically and mentally exhausted.
As soon as your feet touched Hungarian soil, Sebastian made sure that you felt as comfortable as possible before heading to the hotel. Despite the rush Britta, Sebastian's PR, took a moment in some small seats to rest and, as much as possible, recover from the turbulent journey they had just endured.
Although he knew he might hurt your feelings, Sebastian decided to broach the subject with a mischievous smile:
"Love, don't you think we've had enough intense Sunday nights celebrating my victories? Because I think it's led to something good."
At first, you were a bit confused, but a few seconds later you let out a shy and sweet laugh. The driver wasn't lying: sex had become your ritual to bid farewell to the weekend and, above all, as a celebration of Seb's victories that season. Now that you remembered, there were quite a few occasions where you didn’t use protection, so you thought that the possibility was even more up in the air now.
"It could be, Seb," you said with a knowing smile. "If I am, we could have a pretty big problem..."
"Please, love, don't say that," Vettel drew closer to you, taking your hand and gently tracing small circles on it with his fingers. "If you're pregnant, I'm sure you'll be an amazing mother. Besides, I know we haven't talked about this, but I've always wanted to be a father and I can't imagine anyone better than you to fulfill this dream."
Tears began to form in your eyes, and you hurried to wipe them away to prevent your boyfriend from noticing.
"So, what do you say? Should we tell Britta that we need to go to the pharmacy and buy a test? That way we can find out, and if it's a no, we can keep trying," you clarified eagerly. "What do you think about tonight?"
Feeling excited, after you explained the situation to the woman who had become another member of the family, and who, obviously, had been thrilled at the possible news, headed to the nearest pharmacy to avoid arousing suspicions among the journalists and paparazzi, who were lurking around with the intention of getting the latest scoop on the man of the moment.
Alone together and holding the small bag containing the test, you began to feel nervous as they approached their room. Upon entering the suite, you both sat on the edge of the bed, taking a moment to calm themselves before checking whether you would become parents.
"Okay," you said, taking a deep breath, "I'm ready."
After that, you opened the box containing the test and went to the bathroom, where you followed the instructions carefully. Once finished, you placed it on the surface of the sink and returned to where Seb was, waiting for the indicated time to pass to see the result.
You approached your boyfriend, who gently stroked your back once again to comfort you. He knew you were nervous and scared. He felt the same way.
"Whatever the result is, I'm grateful to have a woman like you in my life. I'll be by your side no matter what, ok?" Sebastian reassured you.
Tears filled the your eyes again, and as you looked at your watch and saw that the waiting time was over, you ran as fast as you could to the bathroom, followed by an anxious Sebastian.
Quickly, you took the test in your hands and saw the result:
"It's positive!" you shouted, your voice trembling. "I'm pregnant, Sebastian!"
A wave of emotions engulfed you both, not knowing what to do except to embrace tightly as you felt a mixture of astonishment and joy, as well as uncertainties about what could happen from that moment on.
"Well, it turns out that in the end I'm not just good at pointing with my index finger when I win," Sebastian teased you mischievously.
"I find it surreal that you're making dirty jokes after finding out we're going to have a child."
"I guess," the driver continued playfully, "we'll have to tell this little one that his dad is a two-time, for now, Formula 1 world champion, and that his mother is a champion in other aspects."
You laughed at your boyfriend's quips, finding them unbelievable.
"Come on, Seb, don't act modest now saying you didn't have merit. You know perfectly well that I motivated you quite a bit during those baby-making sessions."
"Of course, I'm not saying otherwise," the German continued jokingly. "I'm sure the baby will become the royalty of Formula 1. Who wouldn't want to have Vettel and Schumacher genes?"
Both of you burst into laughter, filling the room, giving way your thoughts on how you would tell your families, the media, your respective coworkers... Especially, you spent a few minutes sharing your expectations about what your life would be like from that day on.
"Miss Schumacher and future Mrs. Vettel, let me tell you that now that we know we're expecting a little miracle, I propose we celebrate it in a more... intimate way."
"You can't even give me a day's break, can you? I don't know about you, but I'm convinced my father wouldn't find it amusing to hear his daughter screaming to ask her boyfriend for more," you said, knowing your father would be in the adjacent rooms.
"I know," Seb simply said, "but I’ve won in life, and I don't apologize for winning."
#formula 1#sebastian vettel#sv5#f1#formula one#sebastian vettel x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 x reader#vettel#sebastian vettel x you#sebastian vettel x yn#formula one x reader#formula 1 x you#formula one x you#formula 1 one shot#formula one x y/n#formula 1 x yn#fluff#sebastian vettel one shot#sebastian vettel imagine#pregnancy#pregnant#schumacher#michael schumacher
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A fic where Logan wakes up with a morning wood and wakes the reader up because of it would be cool, fr
Hey sorry I’d have responded directly but I was asleep…. Ok alright that sounds AMAZING! I’m gonna do one with worst(my best)!logan and you’re basically his girlfriend in this, I imagine you being curvy in this, ps not skinny…
Note: This is my take on what happened after the entire multiverse saving, Logan found a girl at the ice cream store while deadpool was with him and now here you are sleeping besides him after a long night of dancing
KINKTOBER DAY 2: MORNIN WOOD with d&w Logan
It was a sunny afternoon and deadpool was tired and hot af, so he dragged along wolverine to the ice cream parlor nearby. "Do I really have to go with you?" Logan said in unreaping defiance. "Yes how else are we going to get you to socialize, you raccoon" deadpool said. Wolvie grunted in annoyance and eventually gave in.
At the parlor, deadpool went on a frenzy, he tried almost every flavor twice and ended up buying the confetti cake icecream on a cone. Logan didn't try any flavor he ended up directly purchasing the rum and raisin. "Is this your first time at this orgy?" deadpool questioned, "Actually yes" logan answered. Just as Wade licked away the icecream and Logan bit his, he was encapsulated by this beautiful goddess, i.e. you.
"Oh MY GAWD, you panda, you want to ask her out don't you?" Wade began his sugar crash. "I'll be back" Logan said. He approached you but wade suddenly interrupted and placed himself right between the two of you. "Ma'am this is Logan he's a sex slash love depraved baby boy who's just gone through a bit of a mass divorce, would you by any chance be interested in a bit of dancing tonight, and i mean seriously-" Logan enveloped Wade's mouth with his hand "Hey, i'm logan would you-" you enveloped his mouth likewise and said "yes baby boy" with a flirtatious giggle.
That brings you to this morning. Logan woke up with an intense musky pain in his groin, he angled on his shoulder to see what was wrong, His cock was rock-fucking-hard. He tried to sleep ignoring it but he just couldn't with you sleeping right in front of him in those grey sleep-leggings and the compression tank top. You breasts cascaded by the orange morning glow. Logan gently ran his finger across your cheeks down to your breasts and kissed you lips, in fact i would've said he drank those luscious lips of yours that talk to him about everything.
"Babe are you up? I need you so bad right now" he helplessly groans in a whisper. You wake up and flutter your naughty eyes at him, aww is my sweetheart a bit turned on, you went down to the boxers he was wearing and WHOAA HELL-OO. That THAT was not a 'little' turned on. He moaned as you cupped the bulge, begging to be let out of his tight boxers. "Yea baby i want you to relax because now i'm going to take care of it." you began taking off your leggings and he pulled down your top to reveal your breasts as you took off his boxers and positioned on top of his muscular thighs. the curtain was slightly open and so your entire figure bathed in the orange morning sunshine, this just turned him so. fucking. on. You began licking his tip and he groaned "Sweetheart please don't be a tease... are you not turned on? Need me to fix that?" jhe questioned and just reached down to run his pointer through your folds, discovering you were wetter than (I want to say mary puppins' tongue but) the Niagara falls. "Seems to me that that's not the problem bub" he said proudly.
As soon as you positioned his tip at your folds he couldn't control. He got on top of you making sure he doesnt crush you and relentlessly began to thrust "AAUEUHHH BABY! FUCK FUCK THAT THAT's Amazingg MMMHH" Logan screams as you moan in pleasure kissing him "Your doing so good for me hon" you let him know with great difficulty because this was the most enjoyable sex you had ever had.
After just a few minutes none of you can handle it anymore "YeA cum for me, Darlin' " Logan grunts.
You both cum together and he rests his head in the nook of your neck, heavily breathing, you stroke his cowlicks and wrap your legs around him, he kisses you and moves away "No, Lo stay were are you going" You beg, "Wait and watch babe" Logan gets lower, kisses your inner thigh making you shiver and he begans licking your clit already overstimulated by his balls banging on it. He inserts his tongue into you, making you cum on his face. "FUCK LO, aaaueghhh i'm- I'm_ mmmhmmhm " you couldn't help but let out the tears, It was so fucking good. "BABY BABE LO LO LO, I have to- I have to squirt" You pleaded "Go on honey give daddy all that deliciousness, i'm so thirsty" Logan said. You let it all out and he couldn't help but groan as you came and squirted at the same time, his grunts resonated through you making you ecstatic. He licked you clean, got a washcloth and cleaned you right after which he took you into the shower, you lay on his chest as he turned on the hot water, kissing your forehead and stroking your wet locks, "I love you, you know that?" Logan said. "I love you more than anything Lo"
"The sheet are a mess" you said embarrassingly "I would frame these sheets my love" logan said as though a fact. "Ummm, you want me to go?" you ask "Are you coo coo? I'm not letting my perfect little goddess go anywhere, especially not right now, you're going to spend the whole day with me, and you can wear my clothes don't worry 'bout that sweetheart" Logan said whilst spreading his arms out motioning you and hugging you
End
Authors note: SOrry girlies for the end i got a bit carried away listening to casual by chapelle roan, but Logan is a delicious baby, i personally loved this... hope you all tell me if you like it, if not what can i improve? have a good to all the goddesses out there
AGAIN BABES REQUESTS ARE OPEN
#wolverine smut#logan howlett#wolverine x reader#logan smut#logan howlet smut#logan howlett fluff#logan x you#logan howlett x reader#hugh jackman#the wolverine#logan james howlett#james logan howlett#deadpool wolverine#deadpool 3#wolverine fanfiction#fanfiction#fanfic#marvel smut#logan howlett smut#smutty smut smut#smut#fluff#hugh jackman smut#hugh jackman x reader#hugh jackman x you#hugh jackman fanfic#hugh jackman fluff#hugh jackman fanfiction#avengers#captain america
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━━ ✶✶˖° 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗦𝗜𝗫 | 𝗡𝟰𝗦.
𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴(𝘀) ━ 2019 to 2023!11 grid x driver!female oc
𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 ━ mattia calls for a meeting to talk about the relationship between his drivers, after it nick becomes suspicious about his feelings towards arabella
𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 ━ 2019, 10 april
𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 ━ shanghai, china
𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ━ anxiety, anxiety attack, sexism (there’s going to be a lot of this in this fic) mattia binotto slowly starting to show his true colors, kids being little shits to our babygirl
𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ━ i was going to post this yesterday for valentines but since I’m single af and I was tired and bored of seeing all those people in love I tried to do my own bangs and guess what? i fucked up HAHSHSH so I was sad (I still am, I hate my hair so much right now) btw the parts in cursive like this are flashbacks or little previews of the future, keep that in mind!!!
𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ━ @namgification @louvrepool @d3kstar @omgsuperstarg @whoselly @yl90 @wcnorris
• — need for speed’s masterlist
“OH, I also receive threats from tifosi. Things like "You are a traitor, you have left Ferrari for the enemy."
"Why did you leave Ferrari?" The interviewer, sitting in front of her but out of the eye of the camera, asked her.
The twenty-two-year-old Arabella let out a laugh in a snort raising her hips to get more comfortable in the armchair “Ferrari was not very... kind to me so I stopped being kind to Ferrari”.
Two, almost three, years earlier, an eighteen-year-old Arabella was sitting in an uncomfortable chair without being able to avoid comparing the beginning of her day to that moment. The cold office did not look anything like the warm room, the uncomfortable chair could not be compared to the comfortable and soft bed and, of course, the look that Mattia Binotto was giving her was the opposite of the affectionate and warm look that Charles had given her when she had woken up in his arms.
She looked up at her manager, who watched her standing behind Ferrari's boss, with his arms crossed over his chest and serious face. Next to him was Charles' manager.
She looked down at her hands where her fingers had begun to play with the rings that occupied the opposite fingers. She wanted to look at Charles to see a smile, a look or at least feel his hand against her giving hers a squeeze trying to say that everything was going to be fine but she preferred not to do it.
"I'm going to get straight to the point, I don't want to waste some time we need" The Italian's black curls peeked out under the red cap when he shook his head looking at his wrist where a watch was. He looked up to the front again to see his drivers “Are you dating, yes or no?”.
A deep silence crossed the room after the question while the three "adults" looked at them expectantly. The silence was clear but for Arabella there was a lot of noise in the room, she could hear her heart beating in her ears, Charles' breathing next to her, the annoying noise that Binotto's fingertips made when he hit the glass of his desk.
When he saw that they didn't answer, the Italian let out a sigh “I need you to tell me the truth. It's not that I care who you sleep with but the men above seem to care and they don't find it funny their drivers dating” He looked at them desperately “You can lose your seats in Ferrari because of this, guys”.
"It would be a breach of contract," Nicolas, the manager of the 16, said in a sigh. He looked at his client with severity “Not only would you lose your position in Ferrari but you could be sued”.
An alarm began to sound non-stop in the head of the youngest in the room, suddenly she felt a dizziness and her chest contracted. She thought of her parents, of her brother, of her eleven-year-old self. It would be a disappointment for them.
Everything she had fought for would go to hell in a second.
She dared to look at Charles sideways and when she did she had to take a breath, he was already looking at her. She separated her gaze from his and lowered it to the ground, her hands began to play with each other again before she squeezed her jaw and looked up: looking, for the first time since she had entered the room, at their boss.
"We're just friends, can't friends hold hands?" A crooked smile slipped down her lips while she shrugged "I'm sorry, I can't help it, I'm very affectionate. You can ask Carlos, Lando or anyone, I'm always holding hands with them or hugging them”.
The eldest of the room turned to her manager looking for confirmation and when he saw Nick nod he let out a sigh of relief that almost went unnoticed by the others present. He turned his gaze to the young duo in front of him and nodded to himself "Well, then there's not much to say. You are free to go”.
The first to get up from the chair was the girl, who began to go to the glass door wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. She heard the chair in which Charles was sitting crawling on the floor and a short time later she felt his presence behind her. She placed her hand on the doorknob ready to leave but the voice of the team boss stopped her.
"Avoid expressions of affection in public, please. We can let it go once, but twice...”His tone was calm but it hid something behind his words, the girl didn't want to jump to conclusions but could swear that it was a threat. She knew that the words were for the both of them, but then, why did she feel his eyes only on her?.
She heard Charles' voice respond with a "Yes, sir" while she turned again to get out of there once and for all but then she heard her name with a slight Italian accent overflowing through the white walls causing her hand to freeze on the doorknob, she closed her eyes strongly waiting for the worst.
"I'm sorry for what has happened in Twitter, the advertizing team has already taken care of everything. I can't even imagine what you've been through” His words were nice and even somewhat kind but the tone with which he had said them made it clear that those were not the feelings he really felt towards the girl. She looked at him over her shoulder, ignoring the questioning expression on Charles' face and the frown of her manager, and nodded before running out of there.
She passed through the garage aware of the not at all disguised looks of the team on her, she accelerated the pace wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible.
She needed to be alone, get away from reality even if it was for ten minutes. She felt that at any moment she was going to faint.
She went to her driver’s room, she was mentally grateful that the area of the rooms was empty, she hurried to close the door but Charles' foot in the middle prevented her from doing so. She looked up slowly over the boy's leg until she reached his face, she snarled.
"Move”.
“No”.
"Charles, move” She pushed the door but with the boy's foot in the middle it didn't move too much. She looked at him angrily “Remove it or I'll destroy your foot”.
"We have to talk about what has happened, Bells" He looked at her pleadingly but she still didn't remove her expression from her face.
"There's nothing to talk about" She snarled, squeezing her grip on the doorknob "Everything has already become clear in there”.
The Monegasque bit his lower lip, this could not be happening. Only four hours ago they were lying in bed kissing until they were out of breath. He looked at her face, her precious face, and cursed himself for having fallen into her charms. Because of them, they were now on a thin line that threatened to break. He felt guilty, he was the one who had kissed her, he was the one who was looking for her, he had started everything.
On the other hand, he was angry, with Binotto, with him and right now with her. Why did she have such a hard time talking about things? Why did she run away at the first change? He thought that maybe it was because she was younger than him, after all, they were three years apart and she was only eighteen, she was a still a kid.
He sighed leaning his forehead on the door “Whether you like it or not, we have to talk”.
A silence formed between the two that was soon interrupted by the girl's sobs trying to escape through her throat, he heard her sip her nose.
"What do we have to talk about, Charles?" She no longer sounded angry but sad and hurt, her voice trembled "We can't be together, if we do we will lose our seats. Everything is against us”.
A puncture made a hole in the male driver’s chest “So that's it? Don't you want us to be together?”.
She opened the door and pushed him into the room, closed the door quickly. Unfortunately, now they couldn't risk anyone seeing them arguing or anything. Now they would have to think very carefully about what their interactions would be like both in public and in private, you never know because as her grandmother said "the walls have ears and eyes."
Charles dedicated himself to observing her, her green eyes were already injected with blood and her cheeks wet. Her nose was red. He felt even worse because he knew it was his fault.
"It's not that I don't want to be with you, it's that I can't!" She exclaimed frustrated. She was tired, she felt that all this was way big for her. Her anxiety didn't help the situation too much and that she had little experience in couple arguments wasn't very helpful either. She moved her hands in front of her showing her frustration, she didn't really know how to express her feelings or her thoughts “I can't risk everything I've achieved, everything I've suffered for”.
"And you think I haven't suffered?" He looked at her in disbelief "I have also suffered to get here. It took me a long time to get here, you know?”.
An ironic smile stuck on her lips as she snorted “You have grown up with money, with friends and a dick between your legs. I didn't. I hardly had any money to eat, the other children didn't want to be my friends and I was a girl. You don't know how difficult it is to be a girl in this world and much less in a sport in which there are only men. So yes, it may be that you have suffered, but I don't think you have suffered the same as I did”.
"I understand, but you can't run away just like that" He tried to touch her arm but she moved away, he licked his dry lips and frowned feeling rejected "What did Mattia mean by what happened in Twitter?".
He observed how the color went away from her skin and how her face deformed showing several emotions that he didn’t know how to decipher although he could differentiate the fear from the others before faking a look of indifference “I don't know”.
"Yes, you do" He raised his arm pointing to her face "You have it written all over your face, don't lie to me”.
"I'm not lying to you”.
"Then tell me!".
"There's nothing to tell".
Both began to raise their voices, one more fed up than the other of the conversation. It was clear that neither of them wanted to have that conversation but, unfortunately, you don't always have what you want.
Charles' face began to take the same color as the red that decorated some of the walls and objects of the room, a vein began to take shape on his forehead “Let me help you, Arabella! I'm here for you, it's not that hard, fuck!”.
"Maybe not for you, but for me it is!" She shouted back, her eyes getting redder and red as tears ran freely down her cheeks. She put a hand to her chest and pulled her shirt “I feel like I can't breathe every time I want to explain how I feel and you want me to let you help me because...don't you feel connected to me or something like that?! I'm sorry, okay?! I'm sorry I'm not like the other girls you've dated, I'm sorry I can't tell you at all times what I'm thinking or feeling!”.
Finally the silence was present between them, the only thing that could be heard was the girl's quick breathing and how the boy absorbed his nose from time to time. Both were with red eyes and soaked cheeks.
Finally she let out a sob breaking the silence, wiped her nose with the sleeve of her red sweatshirt and gave him a sad smile “I'm sorry, but I can't risk it”.
"Ma belle, I..." The angriness that ran through his body was still there but now Charles felt bad, bad because she was right.
She took a breath of air feeling an anxiety attack cover her body, squeezed her lips trying to swallow the sob that was on its way down her throat and looked at him with her eyes bathed in tears "Everything has gone very fast and look at us" She pointed between the two while shaking her head "Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. We should give ourselves some time”.
And with that she turned around and, again, she ran out of there, leaving Charles trying to pick up the pieces of his broken heart from the ground.
“ELVIRA, Elvira...” The tall man's gaze moved non-stop throughout the red garage, trying to find the black and smooth hair between the sea of red shirts.
He clicked his tongue rolling his hand in the bicep of his little girl's engineer, Alexander raised his neck to look at him curiously.
"Have you seen Elvira?" He asked urgently to which the eldest smiled broadly, kneeling his index finger in the chest of the tall one, he looked at his finger frowning before turning his gaze to the man.
"I knew that there was something between you two" He also clicked his tongue shaking his head while the blond looked at him as if a second head had come out on his shoulder.
He began to question whether that man was in a good mental state to be a Formula One engineer but he ignored it, it was not the time.
"Have you seen her yes or no?"
"Ah, yes, yes" He took off his glasses and wiped them clean with the edge of his red polo shirt before pointing in the opposite direction "I think I saw her go around there”.
He sighed a thank you before starting to jog in that direction. He felt a bad feeling on his chest, he knew that something was not right as soon as he left the office of the head of the team. Had he heard wrong or had Binotto threatened Arabella? Well, technically he had threatened both of them but while he was doing it, he could see his gaze on the girl more than on the monegasque.
He moved in the direction of the cafeteria, he lightened his step when he saw the black, long and smooth hair move on one side on the fabric of the red polo shirt that covered Elvira's back. He approached her exclaiming her name, making her stand in her place and turn to look at her.
"What did Mattia say?" She asked him once he was close to her. The publicist observed him worried because although she knew Arabella for a short time, she had taken affection for her and was worried about her.
He took her by the elbow and started pulling her “Come, we have to talk somewhere where they don't hear us”.
The woman's frown furrowed as she looked at the back of the blond's head, beginning to feel anguish in her chest “It was that bad?”
He pulled her until he found a small space between garages, they both got into the small "alley" hoping that there was no one nearby to listen to them.
"Nick, can you tell me what happened?!" Elvira was already hysterical, her coworker was getting on her nerves with so much secrecy.
He raised his hands trying to calm her down "Well, okay, okay" He put both hands on his hips and took a breath “I have the slight suspicion that Binotto has threatened Arabella”.
"What?" She looked at him strangely "What do you mean, has he threatened her?".
"He was scolding them over the photo that has gone viral but his gaze was on her all the time, it was as if Charles was not present. And in the end he said something like "it can't be repeated again" and, seriously, Elvi, he just looked at her!”
"But, it doesn't have to. Arabella hasn't done anything wrong”.
"Not everyone likes a woman in Formula One, Elvira. Mattia may be one of them”
"But he has been treating her well so far”.
"Maybe he was trying to be professional until he saw the opportunity" He sighed running his hand over his face showing his frustration.
Maybe they were taking things out of context but when there was as much money involved as there was in Formula One, neither of them was surprised that the situation was true.
Both remained silent, weighing the situation and the consequences it would bring with it if it were true.
The woman with pale skin like milk bit her lower lip “Do you think she has noticed?”.
"I know she did. Arabella is an observer, of course she has noticed” He nodded, turning his head to look for something to sit on. There were a couple of boxes so he took a few steps back and sat on top of them, he really needed to sit down. He felt that his blood pressure was raising.
"And what are you going to do?".
"For the moment, try not to get her into some scandal that involves Leclerc, keep an eye on Mattia and pray that these two years will pass quickly and without any problems”.
"And when her contract with Ferrari ends?".
"Last month Toto Wolff made it very clear that he is interested in Arabella, Zak and Christian are also looking to sign her" He denied with a smile on his face, but it was not a smile of joy but one of incredibleness.
"Horner? I don't think it's a good idea for her to go to Red Bull, not when they have Verstappen”.
He nodded in agreement with her “Yes, they would belittle her as they do with Pierre but if she goes to Mercedes they would do the same, they have the five-time champion as the leading driver”.
"Valtteri doesn't seem very unhappy" She crossed her arms resting his back on the wall.
"This sucks" He let out a sigh, throwing his head back "When she was in Formula Two, everything was much easier. I miss that”.
She looked at him with empathy “But now she is in Formula One. She is going to be a star, Nick”.
"But the stars fall from the sky and I don't want her to be hurt. You've already seen what they say about her on the internet, she's just a little girl!” Unintentionally, his head revived yesterday when his was in his hotel room watching a chinese romantic comedy and suddenly his phone seemed to explode from all the notifications he was receiving. He almost started to cry when he read the things people said about Arabella.
"She is a little girl who drives a car at three hundred kilometers per hour defying death every weekend. She is a little girl who has entered in Fotmula One, something that no little girl has been able to achieve for many years” She approached him looking at him with sadness because she knew it hurt. I knew that the girl was the closest thing he had to a daughter “You know she's not just a little girl”.
"But it's been so recently that her race suit was bigger than her" An expression of melancholy crossed his face as he remembered a little Arabella fighting with her race suit so that it didn't fall off her waist.
"I know that you've known her for many years and that you see her as a daughter and that's why it hurts you that all this is happening because you know that it also hurts her, but it's her dream, isn't it?" She looked at him expectantly and after a few seconds he nodded.
He began to play with his hands, a bead bracelet, clearly made by a little girl, peeked out of the sleeve of his left arm attracting the woman's attention. It was seen that it was old because the beads were white but with pieces of colors staining them indicating that they had lost the color and the rope on which it held itself seemed to be struggling for every second of it’s life.
She was able to appreciate the letters forming a 'Nicky ♡'.
"I have shed sweat, blood and tears for that girl since I met her ten years ago" He began to play with the bracelet, an act he did every time he was nervous "And I have never asked for anything in return, only that nothing ever happened to her but now there are fifty thousand people saying dirty shit about her on twitter, her boss seems to hate her and I don't know what to do. I always know what to do but not now” The air got stuck in his chest and his voice trembled becoming hoarse “And I can't ask her because she has trouble letting people help her, now I never know what she's thinking and I know that her anxiety is not helping. And I'm afraid because I'm the one who must protect her, her parents gave me that honor and now I can't do it”.
She stroked her arm to tell him that she was there for him, she felt a tear running down her cheek "You're doing well, Nick. Just... talk to her and make it clear that you are there for her.”
The man let out a little laugh “I wish it was so easy”.
“AND Arabella Torres crosses the finish line two minutes apart from Marcos Gómez!
From ear to ear, the smile of the eleven-year-old girl couldn't be bigger. From the podium she looked at the audience and smiled even more –if it was possible– when some hands showed up in front of her and extended the trophy. Her small hands took it between tremors, she analyzed it for a few seconds before lifting it over her head. She looked at her podium teammates waiting to see their smiles but it wasn't like that, both children looked at her seriously before looking at each other sharing a look of displeasure.
Suddenly her smile no longer reached her ears.
She lowered the trophy and after the photos she got off the podium, trying to find her parents. She pulled the brilliant trophy without much desire going to where they decided that she would meet with her family after finishing the race.
"I'm sick of her" The voice of the second winner of the day filled her ears, she frowned and hid behind a wall of one of the trailers.
Listening to other people's conversations is wrong, Arabella. Her mother would have said but she couldn't help it.
"I don't understand what she is doing here" Another voice joined him "She's a girl! This is not for girls”.
"My father said that they let her win because her family is very poor”.
"In addition to the fact that she is very annoying, I hate her. She gives me a headache just for listening to her”.
"She's not even good at driving”.
"She thinks she is a big deal for being the only girl but she'll never get to anything”.
Maybe she should have thought more about what her mother told him and not let curiosity win her over. Because as they say, curiosity killed the cat but this time it killed the heart of little Arabella.
A pout began to threaten to be present on her small lips, she released the trophy and turned around ready to run away but her body crashing into a larger one prevented her from doing so.
"I'm sorry" She murmured, passing her small hand formed in a fist through her eyes, trying to wipe away the tears.
"Don't worry" The man bent down to see her better, he extended a tissue to her "You're today's champion, right?".
She frowned slightly when she heard him speak in english and let out the smallest of sighs, it's not that she was bad at english but she still didn't speak it fluently and it was a little tedious for her to have to be speaking in another language being sad.
She looked up a little, enough to see the tissue in his hands and accepted it murmuring a "Thank you" before wiping her face, once she did she looked at the man.
"Sebastian Vettel" A gasp came out of her little lips when she realized that he was the Formula One driver. She couldn't believe it, it was Sebastian Vettel!
The german laughed "Yes, that's me. What's your name?”.
"Arabella" She said and he extended his hand to her, she looked at him curiously.
"Nice too met you, Arabella” Between his gigantic hand he took hers and waved them up and down "Now, can you tell me why you were crying? Are you lost? I can help you find your parents”.
"No, no, I know where they are" The tissue moved with every gesture that the little girl made and Vettel smiled again, the girl seemed adorable with her big green eyes and dressed in her little race suit.
He had always wanted to have a daughter, he was still very young but he was sure of it and even more so after seeing little Arabella.
"Well, then?".
He regretted asking because he quickly noticed that she was uncomfortable, he squeezed his lips in a thin line waiting for the girl to say something. He opened his mouth to talk because it seemed like she wasn't going to tell him anything but he shut up when she suddenly answered.
"The other children hate me for being a girl" She shrugged, looking down at the tissue in her hands, began to play with it while a sad smile stuck in her lips "It’s okay, not always people have to like me”.
A puncture made a hole in the blond driver's chest. How is it that a little girl of nine, ten or eleven years old –he wasn’t very sure about her age– could speak like that? He grimaced by responding to himself, probably because she was already used to being rejected.
He looked at her with sympathy “That's true, not everyone will always like you and that's why you don't care. You have to ignore what they tell you or think, the only important thing here is you”.
Arabella looked at him with bright eyes and admiration coming out of every pore of her body because one of her favorite Formula One drivers was there in front of her giving her some advice. A piece of advice that she would take very serious.
"Seb, Seb!" A blond boy with blue eyes shouted the german's name as he ran towards them. Arabella looked at him cautiously, she didn't want another boy to make fun of her, much less in front of the next Formula One champion.
The older blond turned as soon as he heard the boy's voice and could swear that if he had looked in front of a mirror he could have seen a light bulb light up above his head. He smiled at the boy when he finally arrived next to them.
"Seb, dad is looking for you" He said between accelerated breaths, swallowed saliva and looked up, colliding with that of the mysterious girl who was with her father's friend. He frowned.
"Yes, I'm coming" Even without erasing his smile, he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and brought him closer to him "I want to introduce you to someone”.
"What are you doing?" He asked in german to what Sebastian looked at him badly.
"She's Arabella" He pointed to the girl, making him to look back at her. He observed her, she was a little taller than him and his green eyes attracted more attention than his blue ones. She was in a red and blue rice suit and a trophy was lying on the ground, not far from her, he deduced that she was the champion of the race. She sent him a smile to which he replied blushing, she was beautiful.
Sebastian's smile got bigger “He is Mick and I think you are going to be great friends”.
She hid her face between her arms and squeezed her grip on her knees more, bringing them even closer to her chest if that was possible. She let out several sobs, one stronger than the previous one, almost drowning with her own tears.
She cried for herself, for her family, for the boys and cried for Charles.
She had screwed up everything and she didn't know how she was going to fix it or if she could fix it.
She regretted everything and for a moment she wanted to go back to that moment when she decided to sit for the first time in that kart that was not for her and avoid it, if she had not touched it maybe now she would be in college and would be a normal girl with normal problems or maybe she would be unemployed struggling to find something to put in her mouth, she didn't know but at that moment anything seemed better than the present.
At what point had she stopped being in a hotel room living a honeymoon moment with Charles to have broke up with him, to have been threatened by her boss to fire her and be sexualized on twitter?.
"Oh, tyttö" Little girl. She heard someone's voice bringing her back to reality, she still didn't raise her head because her body had stopped working, she didn't feel anything. "What happened to you?".
She heard a few steps and then a presence near her, she felt like some hands made her raise her head, finding Kimi Räikönnen's cold blue eyes looking at her with some concern.
She couldn't answer, when she tried to speak her lips contracted in a pout and another sob ran away for them. The blond frowned, holding her head.
"You have to breathe, tyttö” He said but he didn't get an answer. The girl in front of him really looked like a corpse. He moved her head between his hands “Eh! Tyttö, are you listening to me? Breathe with me, c’mon”.
He began to do breathing exercises trying to get the girl to follow him, his heart jumped in his chest when she began to follow him. They stayed like that for about fifteen minutes until she stopped crying and was able to keep her head high on her own.
Once he separated from her, an uncomfortable silence embraced them. The eldest looked at her “Eh...Do you want to talk about it?”.
The girl shook her head and he felt a little relieved "How did you know what to do?".
"I'm a father, tyttö." He raised the bottle of water he had left on the floor as if he were toasting and drank from it "I know how to do everything”.
She let out a small smile at the finn's attitude and began to play shyly with the zipper of her jacket. The blond looked at her curiously.
"Is this for Binotto?" Arabella raised her head looking at him surprised.
"How...?"
"I'm friends with some of the engineers. I heard them talk about the twitter thing and Binotto scolding you and Leclerc”.
She let out a moan taking her gaze to her shoes “Great, so everyone knows”.
"You should not care, you shouldn’t give a fuck" Before the expression the girl laughed covering her knuckles with the sleeve of her jacket and passing the fabric over her cheeks to wipe the tears that silently continued to fall. The blond looked at her from above “You know what? I thought you were tough, I guess I was wrong”.
"Excuse me?" She looked at him somewhat offended.
"I thought you wouldn't care so much about what they'll say" Kimi was trying to get a reaction from her and Arabella, unconsciously, she knew it but still couldn't help but feel his words.
"Well, sometimes you can't take it anymore" She shrugged, looking away from him.
"I know you can do it, but you can't yet" He pointed out "The first day I saw you, I knew you were going to be big, you know? I knew you were going to change things, that you were going to make history" He drank from the bottle of water as if nothing had happened while Arabella looked up to him with her mouth open, was this really happening or had she become unconscious thanks to the anxiety attack?.
She wanted to laugh, the situation literally seemed surreal to her.
"You have a champion's face, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t mind them, do whatever you want. Win races, get on the podium and show everyone who you are. If they are going to hate you okay, but give them a reason to hate you: be the best” The finn spoke with passion and knew that it was because he had experienced hatred first hand. He had been in that world for many years, he had seen many friends suffer from the hatred of the public eye but none of them were like her. He knew it was different because she was a woman and very young. She had achieved what many men hadn’t been able to but, right now, before him she was only a scared little girl.
Maybe he wasn't aware of what he was saying to the girl, much less about how her skin had bristled or how something had "clicked" on her head thanks to his words. But he still continued “Make them get bored of seeing you win, I know you can do it but remember that after all not always people like you”
That phrase reminded her of an old friend.
A phone rang, causing him to separate his gaze from her. He looked for the device in his pockets and when he found it he looked at the screen. He raised his head to look at the girl, who was looking at a fixed point in front of her “I have to go. Will you be okay?”
At his question, she raised her head and Kimi could swear that there was something different in her gaze. She gave him a small smile of gratitude “Yes. Thank you, Mr. Räikkönen”.
"Call me Kimi, tyttö”.
And with that he turned around and left, leaving the girl alone again.
She licked his lips observing how the figure of the Alfa Romeo’s driver disappeared in the distance. She tested the salt of her tears on her lips and sighed before moving her hand down her leg, looking for her own phone. She took it out of the pocket and after unlocking it she went to the contact app, her eyes moved all over the screen in unison with her finger, looking for the right name. Once she did it, she pressed the call button.
She put the device in her ear and waited for it to sound “Hey, uhm. I miss you, do you think you can come to the next race?".
#charles leclerc x reader#carlos sainz x reader#lando norris x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#max verstappen x reader#charles leclerc#ferrari#alex albon x reader#checo perez#f1#driver!reader#f1 x reader#female driver#fernando alonso#daniel ricciardo x reader#f1 fanfic#female original character#george russell#lance stroll#lewis hamilton#sebastian vettel x reader#kimi raikkonen#mick schumacher x reader#kimi raikkonen x reader
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dada ! sukuna.
author notes; dada is just a title and does not refer to the literal, reader is in headspace, all characters are adults.
tw; not revised, mention of diaper, tip sucking, reader is sleepy af.
★
"wake up." sukuna poked you with his finger, getting no response, not even a movement. he stood up a little, just knowing that you were still alive, holding your head by the neck. "sleeper."
safe space for you, but he was so close of the edge of the sofa that a little more and you'd see him fall. you moved still unconscious, so so tired, eyes barely open when you muttered, calling for and searching him with your lost hands.
"i'm here." he took your hands and brought them up to his grumpy face. but you didn't seem to understand much as you were already asleep again.
but he seemed to understand quickly, because he just picked you up and get up to go to the kitchen. you had fallen asleep before doing some things, so he proceeded to do them, just making sure that you would be fine, even if you were sleepy.
starting with your bottle, too used to it, he was fine even with you on his lap, handling everything with just one hand while the other patted your ass lightly, nursing you.
sukuna may have been bad in the kitchen, but at least he knew how to make a great bottle... after some failures. but he had improved a lot of course, now no longer leaving the liquid cold but giving it to you warm, much tastier.
he finished warming up the bottle, just tasting it to see if it was the right temperature. he returned to the living room, sitting down to help you drink it, arms moving you so easily.
"come on, drink..." he put it in your mouth, watching your sleepy eyes blink and mouth suck, drinking the liquid slowly, but drinking.
sukuna held you like that until your head fell softly back onto his chest, leaving just a few drops in the little bottle. but this time he just let, wiping your lips with his shirt.
going back to the kitchen to leave the bottle there, then heading for the bathroom and wondering how he would brush your teeth with you so sleepy in his arms.
but somehow it worked, with you sitting on the sink, leaning on him while he accidentally hit the brush on your cheek by inside, a few times.
"hnm-" you grumbled, trying to turn your face and tuck yourself into his chest, swallowing a bit of toothpaste.
"don't grumble at me." he grumbled.
sukuna took you to your room afterwards, taking a diaper to put on you, he put you to bed, carefully taking off your clothes. you moved a bit, whimpering low as you felt so alone, and were soon enveloped by his warm body.
"here." you felt him running his hands over your body, clinging to him.
he moved away slowly, dressing you in the usual when in his hands, putting on your diaper, also changing his blouse before going to bed, throwing the dirty blouse in any corner of the room, mentally thanking himself for showering earlier.
he soon joined you, snuggling into bed, feeling you grope him. "what?" he asked, holding your waist under the blouse.
"paci..." you stood up a little with your sleepy face, you so lost.
then sukuna pulled down his pants just a little, enough to get his cock out, guiding your hand to it so that you could reach it. soon you had the tip of his cock in your mouth, sucking it, your pacifier.
his hands pushed your hair out of your face, giving you a gentle caress when saw that you had gone back to deep sleep. a sigh came from his lips, looking at and caressing you.
"goodnight, bug."
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Decay Part 1: The fall.
Noah Sebastian x OC. Angst.
Summary: Noah and Abby's friendship starts trembling when Abby develops unhealthy habits. No one knows why, no one dares to ask, but everyone is scared.
Notes: this is fiction. It's long af so I will make it a multi part thing
Warnings: themes like alcoholism, alussions to S. A. (it doesn't happen), self-destructive behaviors are touched in this fic. Read at your own discretion.
He didn't know where or when it started. But he was alert whenever she was around. They all had seen her decay in the past weeks and it was obviously taking a toll in them. But it was Noah the one worrying the most.
Abby wasn't one to tell anyone her problems. Not even Noah. She didn't want to be a weight on anyone's shoulders. She had told them when she had broken up with her partner. They knew about the impact it had on her and how she needed to stop touring for a few weeks. But that was it. That was the further they knew about her fears and personal life. They didn't know how recently her mind had been plagued by those thoughts... She was hurting herself, her own mind playing games, and no one truly know. They didn't see more than they joyful friend getting wasted night after night.
They were in a random gas station. The bus needed to stop and they had just left the city. It was past 3 am and they were all tired.
Noah left the public restroom he had just washed his teeth in and looked around. It was dark and kind of misty. The bus was only a few meters away. He could see the lights and also some of the guys moving inside. But as soon as he started to walk in that direction, he heard a group of three men talk.
"Yeah, there's a chick in there." He stopped walking and turned in the most discreet way he could. They were next to a truck smoking. "And she was pissed drunk"
Noah felt cold. They were talking about her. Abby had drunk too much. It was kind of a habit right now, that was what had them worried.
"I'm sure she is easy to convince" Another one said.
"My house is right down the road"
"No way we are taking her to your house, dude! I'll drive down there and then we can bring her-"
The door opened and Noah tensed. The three men turned to her, they hadn't seen Noah standing there or didn't care about him. One of them started to walk, but Noah moved faster.
"Babe! Here you are. I though you were already in the bus"
Noah took long steps to her and pulled her closer to his body. The three men froze.
"Let's go" He muttered when she clinged into his waist.
"Yeah... I'm a bit dizzy" She muttered. "You called me babe"
Noah's heart wanted to come out of his chest. Yeah, he could fight, he was big and well trained. But those men were three and he didn't know if they were armed. Plus by how they spoke... If he had walked to the bus... He pulled her closer and kissed her head.
"Hey, what took you so long?" Folio was smoking outside the bus.
"Hey, Folio. Do you have some..."
"No, he doesn't"
Noah and Nick shared a look.
"Let's go inside and you can go to sleep" At least she had her sweats and hoodie on. They wouldn't need to get her out of her work clothes.
"Oh C'mon. I'm fine"
Noah had to help her to get on the bus. With a loud sigh, she let herself fall on the sofa. "I will sleep here, okay?"
"Abby..."
"I get dizzy in the bus"
"You wouldn't if you didn't drink like that" Matt groaned.
"Matt" Noah didn't need to say more. His stern gaze made everyone shut up.
Noah ended up sitting with her because once the bus started moving she got worse.
The next day, she was still sleeping there when the others came back from having breakfast. Luckily, tonight they had hotel rooms.
"Abby?"
"Mhm... My head..."
"Yeah, I brought you painkillers."
"You are an angel"
Noah sighed and moved her hair out of her face. Abby stared into his eyes for long seconds. She loved them. So dark but so sweet and warm. She wished for that pain in them to wash away.
"You stayed last night?"
Noah shook his head. After a while his neck had started hurting and he moved to his bunk. He wanted to take care of her, but it was starting to consume him.
"Oh" She wouldn't admit she wanted him to stay. That was the last thing she wanted to do because it would only make it worse.
"Get ready, okay? We have the soundcheck in an hour and Dierkes is not happy"
She nodded.
The thing was that, with all her problems, she still showed up everyday at work, on time and gave the most of her. It was on her free time when she did all the damage.
During the day, Abby was her usual loving shelf. She was there for everyone, she seemed happy.
Soundcheck was smooth. They didn't have mayor problems.
"Movie night?" Noah said during lunch.
"Oh yes! There is this new one... Fuck. I don't remember the name" Folio started talking about the film, but Noah's eyes moved over to where Abby sat. She was on her phone, not paying much attention. He felt something on his chest. She used to love movie nights.
She didn't make it to watch the movie.
"And Abby?" Noah cautiously asked when the last one of the guys arrived.
"Uh..." Nicholas cleared his throat. He had been there for a while already, but didn't have the guts so say it. "She has a date"
Noah frowned.
"A date? We got here yesterday"
"Tinder" The bassist muttered.
Noah's humor switched completely. He tensed and his expression turned icy.
"Noah" Bryan grabbed his shoulder, but he moved away.
"It's fine. Turn that film on"
The next morning, when Jolly was leaving his room for breakfast when Abby stumbled out of the elevator. The man groaned and quickly moved to her.
"Hey"
"Where were you?" Jolly was cold, probably too much because she flinched a bit.
"With a friend" Abby muttered. Her mind kept running around the things that had happened. She wanted to shower.
Jolly didn't tell Noah about the encounter, but he told everyone Abby was already on her room. They sighed in relief. Noah felt the tension leaving his shoulders. At least she was back. The men from the gas station hadn't left his mind for a second.
It was the first time she was late for work. But again, she did everything good. She was only a bit slower than other days.
"Are you okay?" Noah asked. She had lifted a box and had groaned.
"Yeah... I didn't expect it to be this heavy"
Noah nodded. There were dark circles under her eyes and her skin was pale. She had tried to hide it with make up but it didn't work.
"Uh... Sorry for not going last night" I'm the bottom, Abby was fully conscious of her actions. She knew what she was doing, she knew that it was hurting Noah. But in those moments, fear and anxiety washed over her and she simply couldn't stand being there.
The signer shook his head.
"It's okay. It was awful anyway" He didn't want to give her a excuse, a reason... But he didn't want to admit that he hated her last night, that he hated she was there with some random dude and had skipped movie night for sex. He didn't want to be that person. He didn't want to be jealous.
"Folio, right?"
Noah nodded and she laughed softly. That was like a present on Christmas.
But Noah's mind keep turning over the same spot. He needed to keep her close. To keep an eye on her. But he didn't know how. He felt this urge to protect her from the world.
"Man..." Matt sat next to him after the show. They had gone to have a couple of drinks in a bar and Abby already had her first beer. "It's not healthy"
"I know, I just don't know how to tell her-"
"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you. We all know that whatever she is doing it's not healthy"
"About me?"
Noah frowned. The manager nodded slowly. "You are not yourself."
"Well, I'm worried. You know why" He had tried to be subtle about it and keep it a secret. But he had already told more people than he could count with his hand. He was head over heels for her. He was for a long time.
"Noah... You don't have to save her"
Noah looked away. It was like cold water. Something he already knew but didn't want to be told.
"I have been in bad places too, Matt. I want to help her, she can't do it alone"
"But it's not your responsibility, okay? She is our friend. We can help her, but we... You can't do it for her"
Noah ran his hands over his hair and looked for her. The groan was loud.
Abby was standing there with a man and his hands were dangerously low. She took a shot and the man grabbed his cheeks harshly. Noah couldn't tear his eyes off them. He kissed her and Noah felt nauseous.
"Noah"
"Yeah" Finally, he leaned back against the chair and look at Matt. "It's hurting me"
Well, his therapist would be proud.
Nicholas found them on the table and sat, instantly feeling the tension.
"Is this about..."
"Yeah"
Nicholas, being the best friend, flesh and bone, the guy who had been there for so long, leaned forward on the table.
"I know you are in love with her. It's not easy for me to see her doing this, I can't imagine for you... But it's not healthy... Are you even happy?"
Noah looked down at his hands. Suddenly, the tattoos that covered them for years were the most interesting thing in the world.
"No..." He was happy touring, with the band, his job. All of that was everything that he ever wanted. But now there was a dark cloud that would let him see all of those good things he had.
Unconsciously, his eyes moved to her but she wasn't there. The anxiety grew on his chest as he got up.
"She was with- I have to go"
"Noah, no"
They couldn't stop him. When he stepped outside, the air was way colder and humid than when they arrived. He heard her laugh and looked to the right. She was with that man next to a car. He took mental notes of everything he could, and last but not lest important, wrote the plate number on his phone. Then, he knew he shouldn't, but he did it any way.
"Abby!"
Her face turned to him and she smiled. His heart broke even more.
"Hey! Noah!"
He causally walked to them, making eye contact with the man.
"Where are you going?"
"Uh... With Harry" She couldn't stand looking into his eyes. There was somthing turning on her stomach.
"We leave early tomorrow"
"Uh"
"Who is this, flower?"
"This is Noah" She said while looking at him. There was something on her eyes he couldn't read. "A friend"
Noah felt his heart clench. He wasn't just a friend.
"W-we leave early tomorrow"
Abby seemed to think about it. They would leave at 8.30 am.
"Yeah, I... Uh... I'll try to make it."
"No, you have to be there"
Abby bit her lip and Harry scoffed.
"Dude..."
Noah shot him a look and he rolled his eyes.
"Listen. If I'm not there at 8... I'll send you my location as soon as we arrive at his. Just come and pick me. He lives down the road."
Noah felt a sour taste on his mouth. He didn't want to let her go. He didn't want her to be alone.
"Okay" He said defeated.
He watched them leave, feeling how he was loosing her more and more each night that passed.
When he came back, they were all in the table.
"She left."
"Dude, we leave early tomorrow. Why did you let he-" obviously, Matt didn't like the idea of a crew member spending the night out when they had an early morning. But Noah didn't want to hear any of that.
"Stop with that bullshit" He cut him while he sat. "You can't tell me it's not my responsibility but then give me shit for her leaving"
Matt went quiet.
"Noah, you can talk to us."
And Noah let himself go. He spoke for minutes.
"And... The other night at the night station... There were these men... They wanted to hurt her. They were talking about taking her somewhere and... How drunk she was..."
Everyone in the table felt guilty. Abby was their friend, but even when Noah and her had a different bond, they were all together in this. They had left Noah carrying with her and her problems for too long.
"Noah..."
"I feel... I'm scared because she gets pissed drunk every night and leaves with someone else... And I'm scared something happens to her and I'm not there like I was in the gas station. If I had left the restroom a minute earlier I wouldn't have heard them and... "
"Hey, no. But you were there" Nicholas said.
"I'm not there now"
They all went quiet.
"Maybe it's time to talk to her" Folio muttered. "I miss her"
Everyone looked at the drummer.
Those words sounded on everyone's minds for the whole night. Eventually, they went back to the bus and to sleep. But with every little sound, Noah would wake up thinking she was already there. She was back. But she wasn't. The morning came and her bunk was empty. 7.30 am.
Noah was sitting outside with Nicholas and Bryan. The morning was fresh but nice. It was sunny and it warmed their cold cheeks. They were quiet, all of them thinking the same.
"Hey" Bryan muttered.
Away and walking slow, a figure was getting closer. Noah straightened his back and fisted his hands.
"She doesn't seem drunk" Bryan muttered.
Matt walked down the bus too.
As soon as was close enough to see her properly, Noah got up.
"Abby"
There was make up under her eyes and her hair was tied in a messy bun. He wondered if she had seen herself, if she had even checked a mirror.
On the side of her neck, there were various purple marks. But it didn't worry Noah. What worried him was pink shade of her cheek and marks over her throat. Those were definitely not love bites.
"Abby, what happened to you?"
Everyone else was frozen.
"Nothing" She wasn't drunk this time. But she couldn't look at him. "What are you talking about?"
Abby wanted to go inside and wash herself. Then, she would just hide in her bunk until they arrive to the next city.
"Abby, have you seen yourself?"
Noah tried to reach to her but for the first time ever, she moved away. Noah felt lost. That was it, right? The end.
"Noah, I'm perfectly fine. Mind your own business"
Nicholas stood up ready to cut that as soon as needed.
Noah's blood was boiling. He was so done.
"Perfectly fine?" He grabbed her jaw and arm and she closed her eyes. But it didn't feel like last night. Noah was careful. He was furious but still grabbed her with so much care. "Has someone hit you? Abby, this is serious. This are finger marks..." His thumb moved over the marks on her throat.
She was on the verge of tears, but she wouldn't give him that. She wouldn't give them the pleasure. She didn't want an I told you so. So she did what her mind told her it was the best. What she had been doing recently. She pushed things a bit more. She pushed them closer to ruin.
"What? Haven't to heard about hard sex before? Haven't you ever slapped a girl with your cock in her mouth? Didn't think of you as the vanilla guy, Noah"
The smile on her face made him want to vomit. This wasn't his Abby.
"Go inside, Abby" Nicholas put some distance between them. He was done with these bullshit. "Wash yourself. We leave soon"
Noah's hands fell to his sides. He was tired. He wanted to sleep for hours. He wanted to scream and hit something. He was exhausted but full of energy. There was a hurricane of thoughts in his mind. These marks, her smile, her hurtful words... They way she didn't seem to care about anything. He was tired of it all. He was getting tired of her.
Abby closed the door in that small cubicle they called toilet. With a look in the mirror she started crying. She felt awful, tired, dirty; she hated her guts, she was full of rage; she was purposefully destroying the best thing she had only because she was feeling things she couldn't deal with. It was overwhelming.
Maybe what Noah and Abby had was just a friendship. But years of touring together had developed a bond like no one else's in the whole crew. Noah only had eyes for Abby and Abby couldn't go through the day without Noah.
"Abbs" Folio's sweet voice made her stop crying.
"Yeah"
"Are you-"
"Yeah. I'm fine. Don't worry".
Folio leaned against the door. "We are all here for you"
She covered her mouth and silenced a sob.
"Just... Take your time. We'll be outside, okay?"
As soon as Folio left, she was her face and hid on her bunk. She wasn't brave enough to face anyone - specially Noah -, so she chose to leave that for Future Abby.
The pre-show was tense until Abby left the green room to go to her designated place. Then Noah seemed to relax a bit without her presence around.
They hadn't even look at each other in the whole day. Which everyone understood. They didn't want to pick sides, but everyone admited to be more on Noah's.
The show was good, apart from the signer forgetting the lyrics a couple of times. It had nothing to do with his eyes meeting Abby's. Nothing.
There was not a post show. They decided to crash on the bus.
But it was suffocating. Noah wouldn't look at her. Matt was cold. Nicholas was tense around her... She could list every single one of them. She had been sitting in silence for an hour. Noah was also there, but across the room. He was busy playing some cards and seemed relaxed - he was just good pretending he was fine. The air was warm and getting dense even though they had a couple of windows open. It was raining outside.
There was that thing on the back of her mind again. Scape. So she grabbed her phone and open that damn app. Five minutes later she already had a guy to busy her night. Without saying a word, she got up and disappeared in the toilet.
Everyone thought she just needed to use it. But then the door opened and she had changed her clothes and put some make up on. The bit marks had faded during the day, but not the finger marks. Her face wasn't really swollen or red anymore but she had put effort on covering it anyway.
Noah's response was automatic.
"Where are you going?"
Abby froze for long seconds. There were so many eyes on her.
"Out. I'm bored" She put that mask on again. She didn't care. She wanted to have fun. She wanted to enjoy herself. It had nothing to do with hiding those scary feelings. It wasn't a way to protect herself by just getting damaged.
"It's raining and we are in the middle of nowhere" Noah added.
"I called an Uber. It's almost here."
Noah got up and she felt small, like a little mouse in front of an enormous black cat.
"You can't go"
"I definitely can. Not your business." She moved to the door but Noah was faster.
He stood in the stairs blocking the door. Being some steps lower he had her on eye level.
"Noah, move"
"No"
The guys stayed in silence, there was a place to speak in there. It was just Noah and Abby.
"Noah" She groaned. She got a notification in her phone. "My Uber is here. I have to meet a guy in twenty minutes. Move"
"I'm not moving."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I care about you" He simply said.
He was calm. Way too calm. They had barely see him like this. It was disturbing.
"No, you don't. If you did you let me go"
That truly was the last drop. The air turned even thicker and Noah finally snapped.
"Don't dare to say shit like that again. Because I care. I care so damn much" He pointed a finger at her and Abby hugged herself.
She had fucked up, finally.
"If I didn't care about you I wouldn't have spent so many nights away thinking o where you were or wondering if you are okay. Because you keep getting drunk until you can't stand and then dissappear with the first person that answers your phone. And I have to stay here. I stay here and wait for you to come back every single night. And I wonder if you will. Because... Fuck. You leave and you don't tell us where you are going, alone, in an unknown city. God knows with who... And I don't know what they are capable of..." The gas station men popped back in his mind. "Well, I do. That's what scares me the most. You leave and then you come back covered in marks and with a swollen cheek and you say it's fine. But it's clearly not. Because you keep doing this to yourself. You are hurting yourself. You gent wasted every night, disappear, then come back the next morning stumbling through that damn door, you sleep for the whole day, work for a bit and then all over again. And I want to help you but I don't know how. Because I don't know how it started or when. I just know that this Abby who is destroying herlsef doesn't feel like my friend Abby."
Abby had starred crying at some point. She couldn't look at him in the eye because it was so scary to face the truth.
"It's obvious you are hurting and I wish I knew why. I have been this low too and I know how hard it is. I'm terrified something happened to you that lead you to this and I missed it." Noah stopped and took a deep breath. "I want to help you but I don't know how"
The guys were in silence. Noah's words fell over them like cold water. Folio even had to brush a tear away.
"And I really don't care with who you have sex. I just want you to be safe." Noah took a deep breath. "That's why you are not leaving tonight. I'm not letting you leave. And I don't care if I have to tie you to the chair. You are staying here tonight."
Abby was shaking and feeling to weak to stand on her own. That was it. There wasn't nothing to say. He was right. She wasn't fine, it wasn't okay, she had put herself in situations she wished she hadn't. Only because she had been so scared to acknowledge her feelings.
"Okay" She muttered.
Everyone sighed in relief. Nicholas let his head fall on the table, Matt on his hands. Jolly patted Folio, who had dropped a couple of tears again. Bryan had to look away, he wasn't used to see the drummer like this.
"Yeah?" Noah asked softly, his eyes full of hope.
"Yes"
The singer opened his arms for her and she didn't doubt. They hugged tight, Noah supporting almost her whole weight. Abby cried and cried, her shaky and weak body not being able to restrain the sobs anymore. Minutes passed and they eventually moved to the sofa.
Sweet Folio was quick, he went and covered her with a blanket.
"You must be cold"
"Thank you" She whispered. She felt awful in her clothes now. Clothes she had chosen only to be more attractive for a man she didn't know. But now the blanket and Noah's arms covered her. And he held her with so much care.
At some point she stopped sobbing and the room felt light enough that the guys resumed their cards game. There was music on the background and everyone was way more relaxed. Things wouldn't be easy, but for now they could only rest and forget about all for a second.
Noah kept repeating his words over and over again, beating himself for having been, maybe, too harsh.
"Noah" She whispered.
He looked down and cupped her cheek gently, brushing some tears again and fixing her hair.
"Mhm"
"I'm going to change, okay?"
"Of course, do you want to go to bed?"
She shrugged.
"I don't think I can sleep"
"That's fine. Just come back when you finish"
Abby nodded. When she sat, she looked at him and sighed. It was time to face reality. But for now she would rest. There was a long day tomorrow. She leaned and kissed his cheek.
Noah was blushing. He was blushing so hard when she left and closed the curtains that decided the bus.
He turned to look at the guys and then moved to sit next to them.
"You good?" Jolly asked.
Noah nodded. "I am. I feel better."
"Yeah, she is here" Folio added. They didn't see Abby in the same way, but she was too precious for them.
"Yeah"
"Will you tell her about..." Nicholas started.
"I will. Just... Not now" Noah pinched his hand. "But I will. It's worth it"
Nicholas smiled at his friend. When Abby was fine, months ago, he kept telling Noah about it. He wouldn't shut up. But Abby made his best friend happy and Nicholas only wanted the best for him.
They, being themselfs, didn't pay attention and never thought that the brown curtain didn't stop sound. And Abby was on the other side wondering what it all was about.
She reappeared a few minutes later on her pijamas and sat with them, finding a spot next to Noah and quickly asking if she could play.
"It's nice to have you back" Folio said after a while, making everyone smile.
The next morning came fast and she found herself following Noah to a coffee shop. They had stay awake with thst game for too long and everyone was in high need of caffeine.
Abby didn't leave his side for a minute.
"Abbs" He called her after finding a table. "Do you wanna sit for a bit?"
"The others..."
"They can wait"
Abby nodded, there was a conversation hanging in the air and it was the moment.
She sat in front of him and Noah grabbed his hands.
"I have been thinking and... I don't want to pressure you to tell me anything if you are not ready." He stated. "I was a bit harsh last night. And I'm sorry if anything I said hurt you"
"It's okay" She muttered. "Believe me it is. I was waiting for it to happen"
Noah frowned a bit.
"Noah... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."
"Abby, you did not... You don't have to..."
"I did it on purpose. I was feeling things and it got out of control so I... I became a bitch"
Noah closed his eyes for a second and grabbed her hands harder.
"Abby... I know you don't feel it like that but... This is a much bigger problem. This is something we need help with. For now... I'm just happy to have you back and to help you the best I can."
He didn't want her to blame herself because he knew how dark one's mind could get.
Abby blinked the tears away.
"Okay?"
She nodded and dried the tears.
"Noah... I..."
"Okay, breathe"
She took a deep breath and before speaking, she kissed his knuckles.
"I have to tell you something. Because I think it is what has led me to this"
Noah nodded. In the end, this was what he needed to know the most. He wanted to understand.
"I think I have feelings for you. But I don't want you to... I don't know. It's so confusing. I don't want yo to feel you have to do something or say something. But it's very scary because the last times I loved someone it ended in the worst way. And I am scared of going through this with you. Because you are so precious and important to me. You are not just some random guy. I know it's not a justification, but I wanted you to know"
Noah was speechless. He wanted to ask why she hadn't said anything, but he wasn't in a place to speak either.
"Abby... I'm sorry"
She closed her eyes. There it was, rejection.
"I'm sorry you felt like this. And I can't promise it won't end horribly. But I can promise you I will give everything I have to keep you close"
Abby took a deep breath, his words sinking slowly.
"Noah... What do you..."
"It's not time, I think we need you to get better first. But I have feelings for you too. I wish I had told you sooner, though"
A tear fell down her cheek and Noah leaned to brush it. His thumb nested on her cheek.
"Look at me"
She did. She couldn't look away even if she wanted to.
"We'll get through this. You have me and the guys. We are all here for you"
She thought of Folio's words and smiled. She turned her face and kissed his palm.
"Thank you" Her voice was weak, but Noah heard her perfectly.
"We all love you, okay? I love you"
She nodded. "I love you too, I wish it wasn't that scary"
"That's fine. It won't be soon"
She nodded.
"I can't have you right now, Noah. But I will get better"
"That's fine for me. I'll be here"
The bartender called his name and snapped their bubble. "Time to go, ready?"
"Yeah, I'll go to the toilet real quit"
Noah nodded and waited for her outside, it was sunny and he felt warm, but it was because of her. It hurt to hear her say this all had happen because of him - in some way-. But it had also given him hope. Hope because she wanted to get better.
"Hey Noah" She appeared with a shy smile. "I know what I said about waiting... But..."
He smiled at her awkwardness. "I'm waiting miss"
"A kiss? Maybe... If you want to, of course. I'm just... It's dramatic. But I'm dying for it"
Noah laughed and stepped closer to her, his hands were occupied with the coffee so he couldn't touch her. But he leaned and Abby found him halfway. Their lips touched for them first time and Abby felt herself blush. He was so soft when kissing. It didn't last much but they both pulled back smiling.
"Okay... That was really nice"
Noah chuckled. "I think I can give a few of those once in a while"
She nodded. "I'll be happy" she didn't let go of his face for a moment, forcing him to look at her.
"Sorry for hurting you. And for being mean"
Noah nodded. "I forgive you"
"Thank you"
Noah kissed her forehead.
"Ready to go?"
"Yeah, Matt texted me begging for the coffee."
Noah chuckled and started walking with her by his side. There was a scary walk in front of them, but for now this was more than enough to make him smile.
This one ended up being reaaally long for my liking so I had to part it. I'll be writing and posting the following parts soon. It won't be too long, probably 2-3 parts.
I hope you like it!!!
Part 2. Bring back the pieces.
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Watching movies with the Kaulitz twins ✧
A/n : Yoo you guys really loved my Gustav imagine thank you so much for reading this book you guys don't know how much this means to me, and another kaulitz twins one shot coming soon , should i make Bill the end game or Tom? Anyways thanks for reading!!
Word count : 700
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☆Bill kaulitz☆
➯ After a busy day, you saw how tired Bill is so, what do you do when you want to relax at home ? You watch movies of course!!
➯ Bill likes your idea and suggested he'll make popcorn and get drinks! "That sounds amazing! Wait here I'll go get us something to drink , do you want popcorn too?".
➯ You suggested to help him and he was very thankful for your help , ( He almost knocked the popcorn off your hands on the way to the living room because he laughed too hard about something funny you said).
➯ When you two went to the living room , (no lights of course to set the mood jk) and Bill being Bill he doesn't know what to choose from the variety of movies so you decided to help him.
➯ You decided to pick a horror movie to watch , and you noticed he was snuggling to you closer than usual ( he sometimes squeaks and flinch and he covers his eyes with the blanket or his hands when a scary part comes up, poor Bill is scared).
➯Your hands sometimes touches when you grab popcorn.
➯ You two also watched 'The notebook' and you were just watching the movie peacefully but then you heard sniffling besides you (You didn't question him or anything since you were lowkey crying too , all you did was rub his back to comfort him).
➯He eats alot of the popcorn , he eats like almost all of it but you don't mind of course.
➯ Bill is the first one to fall asleep , for example you'll just feel something leaning on your shoulder , and when you look to your shoulder , you'll see him just sleeping , or maybe when you were watching something funny and you laughed , but you were confused since Bill isn't laughing too or making any reaction so, you just look to your side and see Bill sleeping in the corner of the couch.
➯Bill likes holding you close whenever the two of you were just watching movies, he also likes playing with your hair when he gets bored.
➯When he gets extra bored he likes to paint your nails while you watch the Tv or while talking to each other.
➯Cuddling while watching movies is a must!! Especially while watching horror movies , he likes to snuggle close to you .
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❦Tom kaulitz❦
➛ He was also very tired after a long day of practicing his guitar solo , his hands are also sore , When you saw how tired he is you thought of something that might cheer him up , watching movies together!.
➛ Tom likes your idea and thought it was good so he agreed !.
➛ He also likes eating snacks when watching movies!! (Popcorn, chips , ect)
➛ Tom helped you carry the snacks to the living room (he carried it all ngl).
➛ When you two watch movies , he likes for you to sit between his legs and wrap his arms around you, he also sways you side to side when he hugs you.
➛ When you watch horror movies , he pretends he's not scared but deep inside he's scared af.
➛ He likes it when you lean on his shoulder when you two watch movies together.
➛ When the two of you watched 'The notebook' He pretends lile he's not about to cry , but when he sees you getting sad because of it, he'll hold you closer and will ask you if you want to change the movie.
➛ He's the last one to fall asleep , when you fall asleep he'll carry you to the bedroom or he'll cover you with a blanket and sleep beside you.
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Yoo hope you guys like this headcannon the smut is almost finished but I'm still contemplating if i should publish it or not cuz i lowkey don't know what I'm doing but i have another idea about the kaulitz twins right now like present them or maybe just Bill since he's my fav .
#bill kaulitz#tokio hotel#bill kaulitz x reader#bill kaulitz gif#tom kaulitz#fluffy#tokio hotel x reader#tokio hotel imagine#bill kaulitz smut#bill kaulitz imagines#bf headcannons
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HIIII I WANT TO REQUEST SOMETHINGGG
alright so i was thinking..luxiem separate reaction to shu practicing his magic ofc and he accidentally turns u into a baby. for like 24 hours. 😭 this ofc is sfw cuz..babies yk
if u have questions dont worry abt asking u can dm!! thank u in advance!! 🩷
Accidental Sorcery
Warning !
Fluff ; Crack ; Mentions of Confusion ; Established Relationship
Fic are made in medium form !
A/n !
Second ask checked on the list ! I hope this reaches your expectations !! <3
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Vox Akuma
This demon is stumped,
And this demon, is holding his laughter as he sees your little cute figure, he is stifling his laughter as he glance down at you in a certain sorcerer's arms before looking at up at the person who's holding you that is smiling in agony.
"I'm so sorry, this. This shouldn't have happened, it'll last for just 24 hours, so please. Make sure they don't get hurt"
That's what the sorcerer said, with an apologetic look on his face as he handle you to your Beloved Voice Demon. "24 hours, got it."
Or so he said.
He have no idea what does babies like, for thousands of years he had been alone, he had forgotten how to take care of babies. It'll took him quite awhile to finally be able to handle you.
So overall, he is kinda not too good caretaker, but hey he tried his best at least.
Though when you turned back to normal in his arms the next morning, you will get a clingy af Demon because he missed the adult you and he can finally rest without hearing a baby's cry for hours.
Mysta Rias
No.
Just, good God, I don't know how you'll live.
Just kidding, I believe he is even more scared than you, because he could barely take care of himself, and how exactly is he gonna take care a damn baby?
And the fact that the baby is you? Making him even more worried than he already is.
"Shu, what the fuck did you do" "I, It's an accident okay, this is not how it's suppose to go."
Mysta internally screaming when Shu told him to take care of you for 24 hours, and now here he is, having a staring contest with you.
But in the end, both of you had fun with each other, he'll made you laugh so many times because of his stupid thing he did either by accident or on purpose.
At night, you're definitely deadass asleep on the bed, because you're so tired.
He actually fed you well too, despite him not being able like to cook for himself, and don't worry he didn't cook the food he feed you. He doesn't really trust himself for cooking for you when your body is more fragile.
The next morning when you turned back, he is so relieved you're okay. Hugs and cuddles with him in the morning, lazy morning with him because he needed that rest <3
Overall, he is a good caretaker.
Luca Kaneshiro
"Omg, a, a baby!- Who, Who's this? "
"It's your lover."
"Oh, haha.
What? "
Luca was left speechless when Shu explained your situation, and now that he is holding a, baby you in his arms.
Shu is still feeling guilty for what happened, but Luca told him not to worry too much about it, he'll take a good are of you.
And he did! Literally.
He took a day off to take care of you, making sure you're safe and sound. Since y'know, his job is, not quite kids friendly.
A literal golden retriever, he knows what to do to make you laugh, your laughter will literally be echoing throughout his apartment. He would make his, lackeys, doing stupid thing to see you laugh.
Food? Don't worry, he'll get the finest baby food for you to eat! And he himself is going to feed you, and it is quite a challenge, but he did it.
He is not gonna sleep until you sleep first, and it took goddamn hours for him to manage to get you to bed, and what's funny is that he fell asleep first.
And you soon after followed him, into the dream world. In his arms.
The next morning he woke up first, and saw you had turned back normal, "Oh, BABEEE WELCOME BACKKK!!" Is the first thing he said as he hugs you quite tight in his arms.
A lovely caretaker honestly.
Ike Eveland
"Please tell me this is not who I think it is."
".... Yes it is who you think it is.."
"Oh my god... What happened Shu..."
Ike was in closing his eyes the entire time, he is having his moment as he process what Shu just said.
Shu is so guilty upon what happened, after he told Ike how long the effect will last Ike is internally sighing.
He is a good caretaker, you're in good hands don't worry.
He knows how to take care of you, feeding you with proper food, playing with you for a certain amount of time. Also sleeping at the right time.
As messy as his sleep schedule is, he will not tolerate you sleeping late like him, so he will make you go to bed at reasonable time.
He is with you yes, but he's going to keep an eye on you, while he's looking at his phone too. Once you are asleep, he would gently pat your head as he laid beside you.
When you turned back in the morning, he will sigh in relief that you're okay, he'll pull you into his arms.
"Thank God you're okay."
Shu Yamino
The man who caused the accident.
He is having a staring contest with you, you're on the floor looking up at him, and him looking down at you on the floor.
"Oh no."
Is what he said before picking you up and tried to figure out how long does the effect will last. Once he found out it'll last for 24 hours, he doesn't really know what to do.
He could entertain you with his shikigamis, so overall, the one that's doing the care is his shikigamis. But he is going to be there for you,
One time you're pulling on the hem of his pants, he looked over at the small figure behind him. Humming softly, "Hm? What's wrong?"
If you wanted him to company you, he'll melt. The way you ask for his company is so cute. He would drop whatever he's doing and went to company you.
Knowing that as soon as you hit the bed, you're fast asleep. He was in awe when that happened, he'll pull up his blanket and look over at the clock, it is almost 11 pm and he felt quite bad for making you slept quite late.
He barely done anything as a caretaker honestly, but hey, he is going to be there whenever you need his company.
Once morning arrived, he is asleep next to you. You are the one that's awake first, you stared at his sleeping figure before snuggling close to him, he was quite surprised at the sudden movement, but when he realized it's you he'll hug you close to him. Chuckling away before whispering an apology.
"I'm sorry, It won't happen again, I swear"
©fakesimp . 2023
A/n !
There we go !! I hope you liked this <3 ! Thank you for requesting !!
( 2/10 )
#nijisanji en x reader#nijisanji en#nijisanji x reader#nijisanji#luxiem x reader#luxiem#vox akuma x reader#vox akuma#mysta rias x reader#mysta rias#luca kaneshiro x reader#luca kaneshiro#ike eveland x reader#ike eveland#shu yamino x reader#shu yamino#fakesimp replies
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drop every headcanon of the bucci gang NOW!
ON IT BOSS!!!
--- pookie bear bruno hcs first <3
BRUNO BUCCIARATI IS 100% GAY FOR LEONE ABBACCHIO
they just kinda live together
bruabba holds a special place in my heart
bruno's probably stressed out 24/7
VERY FEMININE GUY
hes got soft features yk?
probably spends like 3 hours doing his hair in the morning
ISTG HE PROBABLY SMELLS SO GOOD
I like to think that he legally adopted Fugo after fugso bugso joined that gang
SHUT UP IT MAKES ME HAPPY
poor guy overworks himself WAY too often
he also has the most gorgeous eyelashes you'll ever see
and they're natural, too
THIS MAN HAS EYEBAGS
he's tired af half the time, idk what you expected
he tries to help fugo control his anger (bc he's a loving mother) (giorno does it better tho)
i reckon bruno's pansexual tbh, he just seems like he wouldn't give a shit about his partner's gender
he likes going fishing
brought Abbacchio along one time
abba got seasick and threw up
he likes to accessorize his hair (hence the mitochondria hair clips)
sometimes he'll let the others accessorize his hair, too
trish makes it look really cute
abba makes it look stunning (bc it's his boyfriend)
narancia just puts random shit in his hair
Mista sings loudly (and badly) to be a little shit while he does Bruno's hair (it turns out surprisingly ok)
giorno deadass just puts a shit ton of stars in his hair
fugo gets mad and almost rips a chunk of Bruno's hair out
Bruno's guilty pleasure is midnight snacks
abbacchio caught him eating a whole ass tub of ice cream while watching il postino: the postman at like 2 in the morning
they watched it together and cuddled afterwards
hot goth
gay for bruno
he probably watches those make up youtube channels
if he didn't join passione he could be a make up artist
lets trish practice on him
HE SEES NARANCIA AS HIS SON AND YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE
he's full on protective of nara too
i like to give abbacchio sharper features when i draw him tbh
also a larger nose
and while we're at it, let's hook that bad boy (the nose)
he and bruno go on wine testing dates
he has very frequent and reoccurring nightmares
(its why he sleeps with bruno)
his parents cut contact when they found out he was a dirty cop :(
this man saw narancia on his first day in the gang and accepted his fate as a father LMAO
he's a gay man and you can't tell he's not. Never felt attraction towards women
he feels like time moves by too fast. Everything happens so quickly and he wishes he could go back and just relive certain parts of his life over and over again because he feels like everything happens so quickly now that he's older and it overwhelms him (this definitely isn't me projecting what're you talking about)
moody blues is sort of the representation of this
SENTIENT MOODY BLUES SUPREMACY BY THE WAY
Moody blues is curvy and i won't accept anything else
make moody look goddamn feminine
not too feminine obviously but like
moody looks like a woman compared to abbacchio
tells people he can't dance but he definitely can
just play the right music and give him enough wine and he'll be dancing like he's never danced before (only in private tho)
YOOUU CAN DANCE, YOOUU CAN JIIVVEEEEE~~
EVERYTIME I LISTEN TO HALF-DECADE HANGOVER BY WILL WOOD I JUST THINK OF ABBACCHIO
and maybe euthanasia by will wood too
not even kidding, abbacchio has the same body type as a greek god
also the strongest guy in the team
the guy that has a dream
GIORNO. WHERE DO I FUCKING START.
I love this weird ass fucking guy
gay for fugo. that's all I'm gonna say.
I KNOW HE ACTED FRUITY W/ MISTA BUT IT'S BC HE'S A LITTLE SHIT WHO LIKES TO FLIRT WITH HIS FRIENDS AS A JOKE
not abba or bruno tho (they're too old for his taste)
remember that one seen where he and mista are up against cioccolata (fuck him btw) and they do that gay ass pose?
prime example of giorno being a little shit
putting his hand down mista's pants was an accident by the way, he just said "fuck it" and went with it
he probably showed the gang the thing he could do with his ear
they had very mixed reactions
one day (before the gang) he woke up and saw his roots were blond and he just went like "sigh, guess I have to grow my hair out and become barbie
THIS MAN RIGHT HERE IS THE TWINK
also bc his dad is dio I like to think that he sunburns easily
he can also see really well and the dark
"It's so dark in here, I can't see shit!" "I can, there's a light switch over there."
everyone was confused as hell bc it was pitch black in that room
this man is gay. he likes BOYS and BOYS ONLY
i like to think Giorno's a mischievous lil guy
he does something silly then giggles and runs away
it's to make up for the fact that he didn't have a proper childhood
ALSO CURLY HAIR GIORNO SUPREMACY
his hair is gorgeous and luxurious AND SO FUCKING CURLY
he uses about 20 hair products every day (21 if he's going on a date)
he can calm fugo down so easily too
"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU NARANCIA-" "Hi fugo!" "Oh, hey Giorno."
it's really scary (according to narancia and mista)
this man loves gardening
born to be a gardener, forced to be a gangstar
autistic (it runs in the family)
the stink
Mista is the type of guy who showers once or twice a week
he only washes his clothes when they get too dirty
I like to make this man a little wider honestly
GIVE THIS MAN SOME CHUB PLEASE
he's muscular, but he's gotta have a little meat on there too
I like to think that Mista outright REFUSES to shave
the only place that he can grow barely any hair is his face
never shaved his face. He doesn't have much facial hair and he'll be damned if he ever has to get rid of the little that he has
bffs with trish btw
they make fun of each other all the time
in a friendly way
he honestly looks the least gay out of everyone
probably bi with a heavy preference towards girls (he had a boyfriend one time tho)
STINKS SO BAD IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY
sometimes he shoves Narancia's face in his armpit for fun
I'm not even kidding Narancia probably threw up one time bc Mista stank so bad
older brother figure to EVERYONE
Giorno? that's his baby brother. Narancia? his favourite brother. Trish? his little sister. Fugo? that's his angry little brother.
I have so many mista headcanons it's unreal
his hair is so fucking curly istg
and it's black too
very short tho. also super greasy
his love language is physical touch, but not in the usual physical touch way
he won't really hug people or hold hands or just do something normal, oh no
my guy likes to pick people up and throw them over his shoulder
it's definitely not to show off how strong he is
definitely
everything about him is so crusty
he literally gets along with anyone tho
you can't tell me this guy DOESN'T smoke weed
not very often but like
once every month or two he'll get high to relax
he stopped after Giorno took over as boss (bc yk, drugs are a no no)
he probably thinks France isn't real tbh (but as a joke to annoy fugo)
I HAVE MORE MISTA HEADCANONS BUT I HAVE TO CUT IT SHORT BECAUSE I NEED TO MOVE ON TO THE OTHERS
angry strawb (lots of angst in this one)
fugo is deeply in love with Giorno (FUGIO FOR LIFE)
a little bit of angst warning btw
bc of his past, fugo HATES physical touch
if someone touches him he will flinch
very uncomfortable in crowded places
Mista's love language is physical touch, but he refrains himself from touching Fugo
it's really sweet
"HEY FUGO! Lemme give you a high-five! Wait, no, you don't like that. Have this cool rock I found instead!"
he's trying
Fugo really appreciates it
after phf, he let Mista be one of the two people who can touch him (the other person is Giorno)
Fugo just randomly hugged him one day and that was that
he was really distraught when he found out Narancia, Bruno and abba died
especially Bruno
like I said before, Bruno adopted him after he joined the gang, so he genuinely saw Bruno as a father figure
definitely called Bruno "dad" in private
He genuinely cried when he realized he missed Bruno's funeral
MOVING ON TO THE NON ANGSTY STUFF BC IM GONNA CRY
when he's a bad mood, he listens to music with Abbacchio (his dad's cool boyfriend who he looks up to)
will correct any and all spelling or grammar mistakes
nerd supreme
i like to headcanon that Fugo's albino
(MANGA FUGO FOR LIFE)
he's really sensitive to sunlight because of it
his vision isn't that good, too
it's not bad enough to the point where he can't read and all that, but it definitely bothers him
since it wasn't too serious, he got some glasses that corrected his vision
he only really wears them when he's reading now, but he used to wear them all the time when he was younger
GOD I HAVE A LOT OF FUGO HEADCANONS
sometimes he wakes up and there's just a bouquet of flowers at the foot of his bed (I WONDER WHO THAT WAS HMMMM)
Narancia's like a little brother towards him
he doesn't care that nara's a year older than him, that's his brother
genuinely will forget to eat if he isn't reminded (me projecting)
i have more but i'm gonna have to end it here
BABY BOY <3
I LOVE NARANCIA I HAVE A NARANCIA PLUSHIE (and a giorno one but that's less important)
he originally had really good eyesight, but after his eye got infected his eyesight just kinda went bad
his eyes expired
but seriously though (woah no way, silly little guy can be serious?), he's almost blind in the eye that got infected
doesn't wanna wear glasses bc "they'll ruin his reputation"
he's also really short compared to everyone else in the team
he's really insecure about it
can and will fight anyone who says something even remotely teases him for his height
low iron for sure (me too bud, me too)
Abbacchio just took on the role as his father and makes sure he eats all his food
"But it tastes badddd" "Eat it or I'll shove it down your throat. Also, it has good iron."
he ate it, but was very pouty about it the whole time
mista will point at things made of iron and say shit like "that's what you need" or "you should eat that to get your iron levels up"
skinny but he's really strong
my guy has a six pack but looks scrawny as hell
Mista's jealous of him lmao
"Why do YOU get a six pack?!" "because you're fat"
Mista then forced Narancia to smell his armpits (they were rank)
he does a lot of shit with Mista lmao
partners in crime
he got high with mista one time and never did it again
oddly flexible
he's probably dyslexic
the girlboss
live laugh love Trish
lesbian fr
she practices makeup on Abbacchio
another one that sees abba as a father figure
they point each other's nails and go shopping together
Mista's bff fr
they do karaoke together
yk that one tiktok sound that was that like "OH SHIT IT'S IN KOREAN" and then starts singing it perfectly anyway
that's her and Mista
Mista's the one that sings it lmao
i don't have that many headcanons for trish tbh
she likes to try out new hairstyles a lot
they're always short tho
she doesn't like growing out her hair
says it's too much of hassle
we love trish in the household
she has freckles (from doppio)
yk those weird ass dots diavolo has in his hair? she has those but they're less noticeable
talks shit about people with abbacchio
she likes ranting about stuff to giorno bc he's a good listener
big fan of scented candles
gave mista soap for his birthday
she has frequent headaches (something she got from doppio, bc i hc that he has frequent headaches)
ANYWAY THAT'S IT FOR NOW
do you wanna hear about my la squadra headcanons? Doppio and Diavolo??? PLEASE I HAVE SO MANY GOOD HEADCANONS JUST LET ME RANT-
#jojos bizarre adventure#giorno giovanna#jjba giorno#jjba part 5#jojo golden wind#fugio#fugo pannacotta#fugo x giorno#giorno x fugo#jjba fugo#jjba narancia#narancia ghirga#mista#fugo#giorno#abbacchio#bucci gang#bruno buccellati#bruno bucciarati#leone abbacchio#jjba headcanons#guido mista#trish una#pannacotta fugo#team bucciarati#mista and trish r besties#i have so many mista hcs its not even funny#i love you zebs#ur my fav mutual <3#eat up silly guy served some hcs
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May i ask how's the recovery process after gender affirming surgeries?
If you mean how's it going now: my last surgery was in 2022 so at this point I'm 100% healed up. I was SUPPOSED to get my implants in December 2023 but my insurance company has been fucking me over at every turn so that's still on hold.
If you mean how was it at the time:
Top surgery (2018) was pretty easy for me since I have a desk job. I stayed with family in town for the first 2 weeks, during which time I basically did nothing but sleep, wake up long enough to use the toilet, take a dry shower, eat something, take more pain meds, then go back to sleep. I had 4 weeks off work, so after that I was a little sore and still confined to button-down shirts because I couldn't raise my arms above shoulder level; then I went back to work and all was normal for the next month. But...
Because I am an unlucky son of a bitch, I had a rare complication: I developed a seroma that dehysced (i.e. a hole opened up along my suture line that leaked large amounts of greasy, bright orange fluid made up of lymph and blood), which was not painful at all but was absolutely disgusting and very alarming to experience—but not a medical emergency or anything, and was easily fixed with a revision surgery. I took another 2 (I think?) weeks off work and it's been fine ever since. The left side of my chest is a little funny but I don't really care, it was fully worth it. Please note that I did not have drains. If you have drains, you're even LESS likely to have this problem.
Hysterectomy (2019) was much the same: I slept through the first two weeks and spent the next 2 in a recliner with an ice pack on my lower belly, playing a lot of Stardew Valley and getting into Critical Role. I was lucky enough to live with a friend who loves cooking. I ate a lot of soup. The soreness wasn't that bad, but I have a policy of staying ahead of the pain by using timers for how often I should be taking them. The worst part of it was the pain meds, tbh, because I really don't like the way oxycodone makes me feel; at the same time, I'm grateful for that fact because it keeps me from forming a habit.
Phalloplasty etc (2021) was kinda rough to start. I had 3 months off work that time. Slept through the first 2 weeks as usual. But for the first 3 weeks total I had a suprapubic catheter in and man I fuckin' hate being cathed. I felt like I needed to pee at all times, even immediately after draining the cath bag. Awful. Learning to pee standing up was...let's just say I did a lot of laundry and cleaning, lol. This was made worse by the fact that I had two fistulae (holes that go through the urethra all the way to the outside)—like I said, I've got bad luck. One of them healed up all on its own, like most of them do. The other one required a revision 8 months later, which meant being cathed again for a while, SIGH. But back to post-op for phallo: I had physical therapy for my left arm to make sure I kept a good range of motion; I kept the graft bandaged with daily gentle cleanup, application of ointments, and rebandaging; and had to take dry showers for the first uhhhhh. 2 weeks at least, maybe 3 or 4? After I got the cath out, things were MUCH easier. I was just kinda vaguely tired and sore and spent most of my time lying down. My libido came back at the start of the 2nd month, which was frustrating af because it wasn't till the start of the 3rd month that I was healed up enough to do anything about it (but once I could, holy FUCK it was incredible).
#trans matters#transgender#ftm#top surgery#bottom surgery#phalloplasty#double incision#medical transition#gender affirming surgery#queerdom#replies to things
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Graves Defragged 2/?
Part two, y'all! Prepare to have your mind blown. Mine was. That is all :) Also keep in mind that this is how I see Graves based on my psych and criminology degree. You all might see and likely see him differently and that's okay! I'm guessing here. I'm not sure if what I'm speculating about Graves is correct.
Here we go! Not proofread :( I'm really, really tired tonight. Triggers for mentions of non-con and torture.
Item 11: Promiscuous sexual behavior = 1
C’mon, Graves is full of himself and narcissistic. He can have anyone he wants. I am hesitant to even give this a 1 given we have no idea what his sex life is like but I’m familiar with men who have similar personalities and they definitely bed whoever they want. Now, I happen to write Graves as heterosexual because that’s just how my mind created him (a lot of the story in Long Way from Home and Somewhere Only We Know were taken from some old stories I wrote where Warren Kole played a sheriff who was also a serial killer). But I sure as hell love reading him in all types of relationships!! 😉
Look at that man and tell me he and his men don’t get around they can’t get who they want. Sexy af.
Image credit: Call of Duty Wiki
There is a good (but dark) fic written on Ao3 that involves Graves non-conning a female citizen who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Given the picture I have of Graves in my mind (he’s a monster!) I wouldn’t put it past him. But that's my point of view. Remember my version of Graves is dark, hence the warnings on my darker fics!
And KEEP…IN…MIND…his Shadows or most of his Shadows have no issues with war crimes. There’s NO TELLING what his Shadows did to female citizens in the homes they invaded. ☹ They’re nameless and faceless which is part of what makes them so terrifying (they’re also huge, okay? Maybe in more ways than one).
Item 12: Early behavior problems = 1
This is another tough one. We don’t really know anything about his childhood. But based on what we have seen with Graves I wouldn’t doubt he at least had issues managing his anger when he was a child/teen. His lack of morality might suggest that it’s something he’s had his whole life. A lack of fear, common in psychopaths, can also lead to early behavior problems because a psychopath’s limbic system is malfunctioning. It’s not built right. This in turn causes a lot of psychopaths to have no fear. No fear or acknowledgement of danger and certainly no fear of punishments.
This is similar to what we talked about above in the sections about lack of remorse and empathy. It’s NOT that Graves feels fear and ignores it. He cannot feel fear. His brain is not wired for it.
So let’s say you’re captive with Graves. Swinging at him doesn’t work, threatening doesn’t work, and actually hitting him only gets him to hit you back hard enough for you to at least lose partial consiousness or balance. If Graves is not afraid of you, not afraid of the repercusions of taking you, what the hell can you do to at least somewhat control his behavior so he at least shows more stable mood and hurts you less?
Positive reinforcement. Rewards. Psychopaths respond to rewards. Positive reinforcement means adding a desired stimulus. OC figured this out in one of my longer fics (although subconsciously) and gave in to sleeping with Graves. As OC became more and more compliant, Graves’s behavior became less unpredictable and less violent. If she were to act out again in the future, however, he wouldn't hesitate to at least smack OC maybe even in front of their son.
Positive reinforcement, guys and gals! Give Graves little tidbits of obedience and information. You’ll be playing him and he won’t even know it. But Graves is hella good at figuring out hidden agendas/intentions. So when he does (no, not if, when) find out, he’s gonna hurt you.
Negative reinforcement is the removal of an undesirable stimulus. This works with psychopaths but not in the way positive reinforcement does. So you can stop hitting him and calling him names but it won’t work as good as you providing Graves with positive reinforcement.
Remember Graves responds to money! That is a positive reinforcer.
Item 13: Lack of realistic, long-term goals = 0
Here we have another one that does not apply to Graves. Graves shed his Marine skin with a goal in mind. It might have sounded unrealistic but Graves pulled it off. He’s a billionaire with a PMC staffed with some of the most dangerous men on Earth.
Item 14: Impulsivity = 0
We touched in this earlier when we talked about behavior controls. Graves is meticulous, thorough, detailed, and precise. The big decisions are made with painstaking order/detail. We have talked about (and we can see) that Graves might have issues controlling his actions when he is angry. Piss him off enough and he’ll smack you (Whether you are male or female! Remember he was almost giddy when he was about to torture Valeria, a woman), I can almost guarantee it. At the very least. Piss him off enough enough and he’ll put you on the floor. Piss him off beyond that, you might have to spend a few nights in a hospital.
But Graves is certainly not impulsive when it comes to big decisions. He didn’t get to be a billionaire in charge of his own PMC with contracts left and right by making a habit of being impulsive with important decisions.
Item 15: Irresponsbility = 0
At least in my eyes! You don’t get to be where Graves is, as successful as he is being irresponsible. A business as successful as his is not one built on impulsivity nor irresponsibility.
In relation to this, I’m willing to be a whole paycheck of mine that Graves vets his men better than the FBI.
Image credit: Call of Duty Wiki
These men are so loyal they died for Graves without so much as a second thought while in Las Almas. Remember that I also touched on the fact that their loyalty for Graves goes past humanity and morality. I tried to illustrate this in a fic where Graves’s men have no issue torturing a female POW.
Look at that they did in Las Almas! They murdered citizens to include women and children. And like I mentioned before, there’s no telling what those men did when they invaded those homes before they killed their victims.
Graves didn’t like the limitations of the Marines. So why would he pick men with those moral limitations? Answer is he wouldn’t. He’d pick men who would do whatever he ordered them to do to whomever he wanted it done to. The only way I could see Graves maybe having some men with some morality is for SAR or search and rescue missions. He certainly does not want his ethically untoward men rescuing someone only to victmize said rescue subject on the ride back to the US.
Yikes.
Item 16: Failure to accept responsibility for own actions = 2
Graves is a pro at this, ain’t he? Remember the missle crisis he was indirectly responsible for? Instead of admitting it a whole clusterfuck of consequences cascaded because Graves and Shepherd tried to cover up what they’d done wrong.
Remember Congress? When Graves said he did not put 141 in danger? But you did, Graves (don’t tell him that…he might try to swing at you)! Your men shot first. Now, yes, Alejandro lunged at Graves. But nonlethal force should be met with nonlethal force. Graves’s men are loyal to a fault. When someone so much as steps too close to their commander, they shoot to kill.
And of course Las Almas! Those were hardcore war crimes being committed. And like I’ve mentioned before, I wouldn’t doubt that Graves’s men took a few liberties with individuals they found attractive in the homes they invaded. Not everyone might see it like that but remember the actions in Las Almas were meant to intimidate.
Image credit: Dan Allen Gaming on YouTube
And in some of the fics I’ve written where Graves victimizes OC, Graves blames OC for the torture she suffered, telling her that if she had just given him what he wanted to begin with (homing beacon codes to find 141) she wouldn’t have suffered at all. That’d she’d have no scars on her body and no mental trauma from what was done to her. He ordered his men to carry all that out and he watched it happen but OC, the victim, is responsible. According to Graves.
I think a lot of people really underestimate how dangerous and cruel Graves’s men can be. And yet, we Graves/Shadow Company fans have a certain affection for them 😉 Because to be honest, with all the shady stuff they do, who knows how many times they’ve saved the world. All without getting thanked for it.
Image credit: Shadow Siege Limited on Blizzard Entertainment
Item 17: Many short-term marital relationships = 0
We have no proof Graves has ever been married. It would be somewhat reasonable to conclude that Graves could be involved with quite a few sexual partners. But for marriage…we have absolutely no idea!
Item 18: Juvenile delinquency = 0
And let me tell you why. Graves was in the Marines and some positions in the Marines require a top secret security clearance. Graves’s involvement in military contracts certainly requires a top secret clearance and perhaps maybe a SCIF clearance. You cannot have any significant juvenile delinquency and be trusted with one of these.
Item 19: Revocation of conditional release = 0
None. He hasn’t been arrested (see above for my reasoning for no juvenile arrests). And if he was, I’d be willing to bet some highups in the military, CIA, and NSA would make his charges disappear.
Item 20: Criminal versitality = 2
Oh boy, if there was one item that described Graves it would be this one! This refers to the variety of criminal activity Graves is involved in. Well, we know he’s involved in some shady contracts that involve taking lives. He’s a mercenary after all. Technically, what Graves is doing, killing people for money, is illegal. Essentially invading another country and wiping a town off the map is highly illegal. Shooting to kill at 141/SAS is illegal! So not only is he involved in several types of crime but he is involved in crimes across countries, across the world.
With the money he makes, he hires nameless, faceless men with no moral compass who will then do whatever twisted deeds he tells them to and more. He also buys weapons intended to take lives for money, which is, of course, illegal.
Phew! So what does Graves score on the Psychopath Checklist?
A mere 20! The requirement for psychopathy in the US is 30 and in the UK 25.
According to Canadian psychologist Robert Hare’s research (and he’s done a lot) Graves does not quite rise to the level of psychopath. However, remember that we have very limited information. We essentially have no information about Graves’s childhood or early adulthood other than he enlisted in the Marines. With more information, his score could have gone up, remained the same, but it would not have gone down.
You’re probably like: ummmm…WTF?
And I’m with you! :D I fully expected for him to at least meet the cutoff! These posts I make are discoveries I’m making with you. I had no idea he would score so low!
Is Graves a questionable human being? You bet! Would you jump for joy if he showed interest in you (we all would haha)? But for real, he’s dangerous, he’s callous, and he can be really cruel. Just because he does not rise to the level of psychopathy does not mean he lacks remorse or lacks empathy. Those are still very real things that are part of who Graves is. This applies also to his lack of fear and his responsiveness to positive reinforcement.
Graves’s brain might look a little something like this:
Image credit: Quora (functional MRI or fMRI that takes images as the brain is working and seeing what lights up)
There is a lack of activity in the prefrontal cortex but that activity is not totally absent. Graves might let his emotions get the better of him when he’s one-on-one but overall he’s not impulsive. I'd expect to see a little more activity in his PFC actually. You’ll also see a lack of activity in a part of the brain called the amygdala. That is part of the limbic system, a more primal part of the brain. The amygdala processes negative emotions, which explains while men like Graves do not fear punishment or danger. He will, however, respond to positive reinforcement which increase endorphins, dopamine, and other feel-good neurotransmitters.
You can also see it below! There is high activity in the frontal lobe of the control as well as reasonably high activity in the limbic system. Jim's brain shows a lack of PFC activity as well as a lack of activity deeper in the brain in the limbic system.
Image credit: Rice University, Inside the Brains of Psychopaths
ONE FINAL BUT VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:
Psychopathy DOES NOT equal psychotic. They don’t mean close to the same thing. Psychopathy is mainly dictated by a lack of remorse, empathy, and fear. Psychotic means someone who is out of touch with reality. Think hallucinations, delusions, and so on. Psychotic people do not make good criminals. They’re sloppy and tend to get caught fairly quickly. A psychopath is super in touch with reality! The pick up on details and cues we do not. They do not feel fear and don’t care who they hurt, allowing them to move on with their lives. So if someone says: Graves is psychotic! You can say: ah-ah! Psychopathic :D
Y'all I'm very tired lol I hope you enjoyed. I FUCKIN LOVE talking about this stuff and I can talk about it forever! I can post soooo much more on Graves if y'all are interested :)
#graves x reader#phillip graves#cod mw2#phillip graves x reader#cod mwii#cod mw3#mw2 141#psychopathy#criminology#forensic psychology#neurology
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THINKIN' BOUT YOU. | JHS
➳Pairings: mafia hus' hoseok x wife reader (f)
➳word count : 6k ( sorry lol)
➳ genre : smut, oneshot. ( with a little plot.)
➳summary : You were surely enjoying the freedom hoseok gave you but you were quietly getting on his nerves lately and he doesn't know how long he'll be able to keep his emotions in control.
➳warnings : CNC, a little angst, hobi is really scary lmao, oc ignores hobi unintentionally, uses of profanities, oral (m/f) receiving, rough , slapping, degradation, angry sex?, hoseok is pretty af, touch denial, multiple orgasms, roleplays, dom/sub dynamic, 18+ oneshot.
➳A/N - I haven't proofread so sorry for any bad spellings. :) I may have written more than I intended to write, so bear with me if this is cringy. :(. Also please like and reblog if you like it. Don't hesitate to give me your feedbacks. It always helps me. <3333333
➳ A/N : this is purely fiction, I do not own any bts member or anyone else. It's just my imagination okay? So read the warnings before you read further. And strictly minors dni.
Masterlist.
His fingers tapped on the hard wooden surface which created rhythmic drumming that slowly become louder and annoying. It echoed in his office and he couldn't really focus on his paperwork, he's been sitting here for 2-3 hours and he still couldn't complete one single thing.... and all of this was just because of you.
He wouldn't mind in normal days when you took over his mind, he loved to have you in his thoughts 24/7 but today it's just really annoying him. He loved you too much to keep you away and so he always kept you real close but when he introduced you to his group, his friends, and their partners you definitely liked them a little more than he expected.
You were surely enjoying the freedom hoseok gave you but you were quietly getting on his nerves lately and he doesn't know how long he'll be able to keep his emotions in control. Anyone could see the tension and insecurity on his face when he realized that he couldn't completely dominate any subject of his.It was is in his nature to make everyone bow at his feet, hoseok was raised like that and as a ruler and leader of bangtan and Jung Inc. He expected no exception for anyone other than the handful of his loved ones.
But that stereotypes were quickly broken when hoseok realized that his woman was going out and making new friends, getting comfortable around them, handling some outer affairs of his organization single handedly, completely living her best life and mistakenly forgetting about him.
Those new friends of yours occupied your time a lot which made your schedule busier and hoseok couldn't spend time with you properly other than sleeping in the same room. Every time he initiated something you always tell him that you were tired and would like to rest. So he ends up hugging you or massaging your scalp till you sleep, no extra sharing of words and spending quality time with him.
Your behavior was leaving hoseok utterly speechless, he was used to you clinging to him wherever he goes, accompanying in his office, being a great advisor, and helping out him in some matters but now you were just busy in your own life. You even let your friends take you out for lunch and dinner which led hoseok to end up having his own meal time with old hags.
Hoseok was lost in your thoughts when you ringed his cellphone. He sighed and picked it up as soon as he saw, " Heyyy babyy. " Your beautiful voice bloomed on the other side making him smile a little.
" Hey " He replied rather plainly and he thought you would notice the lack of excitement in his voice but you didn't.
" Nothing just wanted to inform you that I might come late tonight because I'm going with Leah to check the progress of training. " You completed your sentence in one go, sure hoseok gave you the responsibility of looking after the training of rookies but he never intended you to be this serious about the whole thing.
You were going with Leah, namjoon's wife and she's a really strong and tough woman so no there's nothing to be scared about and he can't stop you from going there. " Y/n...can't you go some other day? I'll be home early and I miss you. "
to be honest, you were surprised by the sudden confession of his about missing you. Hoseok has a twisted personality, he may seem the sweetest type of guy but in reality, he's a devil in disguised. He's a sinner.
It took you a while, getting him comfortable around you so you do understand from where he's coming.
" Hobii. It's really important and I promise I'll try to be back early. " You felt guilty, but you can't say no to leah now and he trusted you with the responsibility and you had to make sure you're carrying out the whole thing correctly. You just want to make him proud.
" You don't seem to notice but you are not giving me your time, princess. " He whispered, he was this straightforward about his feelings for you and you knew he was having his separate emotional breakdown. You could sense the seriousness in his tone. You were guilty and stressed, you never got stuck between these things, but you always saw how hoseok would manage things and you were still learning.
" I promise hobi-ah after this I'll spend more time with you okay? I need to go now bye and love you. " Leah was Motioning you towards the car so you hung up the phone quickly after saying your words, not giving a chance to hoseok to even reply. You did felt a little guilty but leah took your attention quickly making you forget about the whole conversation with your husband.
Hoseok was baffled, how could you do that to him, he was waiting for you and you couldn't even talk to him properly. He clenched his jaw and Abruptly stood up and walked towards the window, he needs some fresh air to calm down his anger.
And after that, hoseok almost killed his secretary for bringing his coffee 3 minutes late. The whole day he kept sulking and frowning over little things. if you want him to wait then he will surely wait for you.
_
To say you were tired would be an understatement, the whole day you checked the progress of the trainees, a handful of them were still behind the schedule and you might have to ask Jungkook to change their routine. Other than that the equipments were quite good from the last time. less heavy and more efficient. you also checked the shipment details of the guns and other resources, tho it wasn't your headache to check but you wanted to do that for hoseok. he was already so busy and tense. you just wanted to lessen his burden.
you didn't realized the time and kept yourself busy with these chores, by the time you finished it was 1:15 a.m and your muscles were aching. so you decided to call it a night and drove back with Leah. you dropped her and then you reached your place.
you punched the passcode and the door unlocked, when you entered you noticed that the lights were off, only the kitchens were dim. For a moment you thought that hoseok was asleep, you were feeling guilty because you too extremely missed hoseok these days. You wanted nothing but to cuddle and sleep with him.
But when you entered your shared room you saw the window was open and hoseok was leaning over the wall, maybe looking at the outside beauty.
His hair was blonde and styled back, but you remember his hair was black in the morning. The side hair was trimmed giving his hairstyle a bold look. His sharp jawline was glowing under the moonlight.
The room lights were off, but still, the moonlight made you able to admire your husband's features. your eyes widened when you noticed that he was wearing nothing but only his sweatpants. his broad chest, sharp collar bones, toned abs and below it narrowed down to a v line before trailing down below his navel. The sight in front of you was too much to hold in, unknowingly you gulped loudly which made hoseok turn around.
You were so busy gawking at your own husband that you did not catch him the first time. " What's the time y/n? " He again repeated his question but this time looking in your eyes. Your breath was knocked out the moment he opened his mouth. Hoseok looked no less than a Greek god.
" You look,...hot....baby. " You mumbled softly which made hoseok quirk an eye brows. " That's not what I asked y/n." He replied walking towards you.
You again loudly gulped before answering him, " 2:00 a.m." He nodded and came closer. you looked more closely and realized that his beautiful forehead was more visible, his sharp nose and heart-shaped lips looked so delicious. His face is rather long which makes him look more masculine from certain angles. he knew what he was doing to you and you didn't even realize that your lips were parted slightly.
he touched your chin with his slender and long finger and pushed it upwards, making you close your mouth. you were embarrassed right now, you are shamelessly ogling your husband. " where were you? " he asked his minty breath fanning over your lips. you found yourself unable to reply to him, your words were stuck in your throat.
He tapped your chin harshly for an answer. " I-I was busy checking the shipment details, I forgot to check the time. I'm sorry," you replied through your small voice, he wasn't doing anything but he still made your knees weak, you felt your knees turning into jelly....his aura seemed darker than usual.
" Sometimes you really leave me speechless princess." he spoke as he took steps forward while you walked backward slowly. " you really disappoint me a lot these days Y/n, do you like it? "
his eyes were so cold, he looked like he was about to snap your neck into two but you know hoseok would never do that to you. your back touched the wall and he stood in front of you, hovering your tiny figure. he was looking so intimidating.
. " you tend to forget about us a lot y/n, are you doing this on purpose? do you like seeing me suffer? hhmm? do you like when I beg for your attention? " Hoseok gritted his teeth, he looked and sounded so scary but you know he would never harm you. That was the only thing you kept repeating inside your head.
You tried to touch his cheek with your trembling hands but he moved away from you. " Hobi... I-I know I'm late I'm sorry baby. " You spoke barely audible, your mafia husband was a dangerous man to begin with. People do not end well if they tried to mess up with him, you know this. But then you also know you are an exception, he won't hurt you. Not unless you want him to.
" It's just not about today, You've been doing this for days !!, Do I not deserve your time, your attention?? You manage your time for your fucking friends but you always leave me behind. I'm your fucking husband! For fuck's sake.!" .
Scary! That would be the only word you would describe hoseok at the moment.
Honestly, you weren't scared of him because you know no matter how much dangerous he can be for other people, he would still handle you carefully. Hoseok never got this angry on you, you know you fucked up big this time.
He wasn't the one to communicate verbally about his feelings towards you but today he's different. He was angry and still controlling himself from hurting you, you could see the anger and disappointment in his eyes.
You took in the fact that your psycho handsome husband, Hoseok was jealous of his members and your friends. On normal days you would've cooed at him, teasing him about being jealous but today it felt like you'll fucking cry if one more time he screamed at you.
" I-I m s-sorry. " You whispered, head hung low and barely audible. But he heard it. You were shivering by now but still, you dared to look him in the eye and his glare was enough to tear your eyes. But if you looked away you knew it would make him angrier, so you held the gaze even tho you were certain that you'll cry any minute.
" Are you though? Are you sorry y/n? I wanted to have you all by myself but I still... I still tried to act normal for you. Still held myself from locking You up here. You how fucked up I'm and you still tested me.!!!! " Hoseok scared the shit of you, you could see in his eyes how bad you've hurt him.
" I-I am tru-st me, I was just helping around because I thought it would make things easy- " " Oh shut up, I'm not buying that babe. " Hoseok cuts you in between, starring at you disinterestingly.
" You wanted to test my patience and you did. Now you'll face the consequences sweetheart. " Hoseok said as stood taller in front of you, not even once breaking the eye contact.
A second later you felt him cornering you around the wall, sneaking his veiny hand around your waist.
His hands were freezing cold, you gasped at the sensation and then he slammed his lips on yours before you could speak anything further, his lips molded into yours. His breath was fresh and minty and his lips were soft as ever. The kiss grew passionate eventually, it's been days since hoseok tasted you properly and so he's not giving you time to breathe. He cupped your face and tilted his head kissing you deeply and groaning in your mouth.
You were taken back and so you found yourself struggling with his desperate luscious lips but soon you gave in and you too devoured his lips hungrily. You drew your hands closer to his chest, and he felt so warm.
You hummed at the warm sensation and you dragged your hands down towards his torso.
Just when you were about to touch his lower's waistband he swayed your hand away harshly making you whine. And in a split second your back was pushed against the wall, hoseok was glowing and which made you gasp.. He pinned both of your hands above your head. " You better be at full submission today princess! I'm really upset and I won't entertain any sort of request of yours. " Hoseok gritted his teeth while he practically growled at your face. His hot breath fanning all over your face and lips glistening your undies and making it hard for you to breathe.
" Hear that baby.?? " He wrapped his free hand around your neck while applying pressure.
" I-Yess ok-hobii. " You choked on your words as you managed to reply to him. You were sure you would have shitted your pants if he did the same thing as a leader but it made your panties wetter because he was doing this as a dom, an angry, jealous and hot dom.
He blew his hot breath on your lips as he kissed you again. You Whimpered from the harsh touches of his lips, you were squirming against the wall as hoseok was deepening the kiss.
Hoseok traced his lips on your cheeks then jawline and slowly he reached your neck, he kissed your neck sensually while he tugged your waist closer to his body. Hoseok was so hot, the desperation, the need was dripping from his eyes when he looked at you. He cupped your breast and flicked your nipples over the fabric, which made you shudder against the wall. A needy moan slipped from your mouth.
" Trust me when I say I love you the most baby, but right now I want to wreck you, physically and emotionally. I want to fucking choke you and fuck you till you remember nothing but me. Only me. " Hoseok said in his raspy voice while he played with your nipples. There was a pool of slick between your legs, the dampness was increasing with his lewd threats. And you couldn't help it.
But hoseok continued, " I want to fuck you y/n. Just Wanna fuck you, so much that you can't walk straight for days baby. Wanna keep fucking you, cum deep inside you so that you could know who you belong to. You'll be a dripping mess, my mess. Wanna rip this fucking pussy so bad. "
He announced as he again buried his face in the crook of your neck and started giving your purple bruises all of your neck.
You shivered just from the mere thought of hoseok doing that to you. In all honesty, you were turned on but the fact that hoseok was actually capable of doing this to you made you think that he might actually want to kill you by fucking the life out of you. But you knew, he wouldn't do that. Right?. But fuckin you till you can't walk straight? Cumming inside? Like he really said ripping your kitty? Yep, tonight is going to be a long night. Sure you will lose the freedom of speech and wouldn't be able to walk properly after this. You were pretty sure that tonight he's just gonna actually fucking rip your pussy.
Hoseok picked you up and threw you on the mattress, hard. You screamed but couldn't do anything else. You were at his mercy tonight. " This goes off. " Hoseok signaled towards your black t-shirt and in a second you peeled the fabric off your skin. The grey lacy bra was looking attractive on your skin and hoseok couldn't help but tear that off making you yelp.
And now you were naked from above, your hair was all over your face and shoulders. You were trying to regain your senses back but before you could do that, hoseok slapped your right nipple hard. It made you cry, the pain was sharp and sudden. You quickly covered your breast " Keep your hands back, slut. " He growled and you quickly placed your hands at your back, he slapped the left one and then again the right one. The process continued until he turned your skin sore and red.
" You know your safe word, right princess? " Hoseok asked in between tormenting your nipples. You opened your eyes for a moment and nodded your head in yes. Of course consent is important. He wouldn't do anything without your consent. His growing smirk showed you that he knows you would never tell him to stop. You're just a painslut who loves being manhandled by him.
Your continuous cries made hoseok hard, painfully hard. He wanted nothing but to straddle you and fuck the life out of you. He loves you, surely he does but right now you weren't his lover but his slut, his whore. And he would not show any mercy towards you. Tonight he'll fuck you like you deserve. And the fact that your pathetic cries were turning him on was something bad. Bad for you.
Hoseok was enjoying torturing your nipples, and you were trying oh so hard to obey him by not covering your breast, it was making him proud. He gathered your scattered hair and pulled you towards his lower abdomen, your skin color was slowly turning into a reddish one. " Take my cock out. " He ordered and you complied. You fumbled with the waistband of his sweatpants and dragged them down, hoseok quickly came out of them. The way his cock slapped on his stomach got you clenching your pussy around nothing.
His dick was angry, red, and hot, leaking precum all over his beautiful head. It made your mouth water, you loved his dick. He dragged you by your hair on the ground and made you sit like an obedient puppy on your knees. From your angle, his thighs were looking so muscular and his veiny big dick made you groan. You just wanted to take him in your mouth and give him the suck of his life but you know he won't give it to you so easily.
He spread the precious precum all over his hot and red dick, he pumped it for you and cursed at the sight in front of him. You, on your knees, waiting for him to just shove his dick in your mouth and fuck you ruthlessly or Take you however He wants. He exactly knows how much of a whore you are for him and his dick.
" Tongue out. " He ordered and you took your tongue out just like he wants. You were so eager to obey him and make him happy that you don't mind the hungry gaze which he was giving you. Hoseok tapped his Dick's head on your velvety and warm tongue and rubbed its head on your tongue.
He slipped his dick deeper in your mouth while he gripped your hair tightly so that you could not move. " Mmhh- " An incoherent moan slipped out from your mouth as you felt his head hit the back of your throat. Hoseok groaned at the warm feeling of your mouth. He placed one hand on your throat and started thrusting slowly at first giving you time to relax your jaw then he increased the intensity of his strokes. Doing it all over and again thrusting deeper, a moan slipped out of hoseok's lips.
" You like that? Agghh you do like that slut I know you do. " He grunted and thrusted faster making you whimper. You only took support by holding his thighs. Hoseok was thrusting rough and fast making you gag on his dick. With every thrust, you felt your cunt pulsing with so much intensity that you were sure there's a slick pool down there between your legs.
Hoseok tightened the grip on your hair as he thrusted faster, you moaned through it and the vibration was making hoseok loose his mind. He really wants to wreck you so bad.
Hoseok felt himself close and as he looked at the mess he made out of you he was sure that he could bust at any moment now. The mere scene of you taking his dick so perfectly and lewdly made him go feral. " I'm gonn-a cum princess... Do you want my cum? Mhmm tell me? Do you want it.? " He asked as he pulled his dick out letting you breathe harshly for a second or two.
" Ye-s please please... I want it. " You begged and looked at him with wet eyes. Hoseok looked so unreal that you couldn't actually believe he's your fucking husband.
" You want it? You think you're good enough to swallow my cum princess? " Hoseok questioned making you groan in displeasure. Of course you want it, his cum is the tastiest thing you've ever had, he knows that and yet he's teasing you.
" I'm....Please baby I'm good you know. " You pleaded with your lust hooded eyes and he grabbes your jaw harshly making you whimper.
" Fine, then let me use your pretty mouth as a cump dump baby, let me use you. " He said and you quickly obliged opening your mouth and asking him to just shove his dick down your throat.
Hoseok wasted no time and started thrusting faster inside your mouth, your mouth feels heaven and he can no longer control himself. The warmth of your mouth was engulfing him deep and soon he felt himself cuming deep down your throat. Hoseok moaned and whimpered looking straight into your doll looking eyes. He sweared it urged him to fucked himself faster , he was very close and his lips were parted, head thrown back and eyes closed, he saw stars.
On the contrary, you were trying your best to swallow whole, you don't want to waste even a single drop. " Yes just like that baby, such a horny girl for me hm? Don't waste a single drop." Hoseok was blown out, you made him like this.
" You good baby? " Hoseok inquired pushing your scattered hair back from your face. You sluggishly plopped yourself against his leg. " I'm good daddy just a minute. " You mumbled against his skin.
After a minute hoseok picked you and threw you on his bed. You thought he would give you rest? Oh how naive were you. " You did good baby but i want to fuck you with my tongue, I'm thirsty. " With that hoseok laid on his stomach and pulled you by your thighs towards his face. You almost whimpered from shame but hoseok was quick to part your legs. He blew air on your core making you gasp.
" This is mine. " Hoseok said softly kissing your folds and tipped his nose on your little bud, making your pussy ache for him. He took his time in licking all of your juices, some smearing on his chin but he didn't gave a shit about that instead he dived in deeper flicking clit with his tongue then sucking the whole nub making you cry in pleasure.
" How many times do you want to come baby? " Hoseok asked looking up at you between your legs. You frowned, the sight was too alluring. You wanted hoseok there, between your legs, covered in your juices for the rest of your life. " As ma-nny as yo-u want daddy. " You stuttered, the pleasure was too much turning you dumber with each passing second.
" This is mine right? " Hoseok asked Kissing your folds once again. You quickly nodded mumbling a yes. " Then if I want to destroy this pussy would you let me? " Hoseok mumbled sucking your clit and the vibration was sending you over the edge, turning your mind blank. "Y-yes." You moaned. " Can't hear you princess. " He said as kept sucking the soft flesh. "Yesss.. Yes-ss please-e.... " You breathe out and threw your head back.
It was all that hoseok needed and he completely focused on eating you out now. Hoseok grabbed your left leg and threw it over his shoulder while he ate you out and inserting one finger inside you. The man was sure something else today, like some evil thing possessed him. He wasn't stopping, only increasing his speed and suckling your bud crazily.
You couldn't grab his hair, you don't want to upset him so you instead grabbed your breast. Roughly pulling and teasing your sensitive buds. Hoseok entered another finger and curled it up inside you making you cry. You were close, so close. " Ahh.. Dad-dy I - I'm.... " You couldn't speak, words felt too heavy but hoseok understood, he fastened his speed and it took you a second or two before bursting into his mouth. Hoseok moaned feeling your liquid inside his mouth, you taste heaven he could never get tired of your sweet little pussy.
Hoseok cleaned you up and went back straight eating you again. This man right there between your legs was unbelievable, you tried scooting away from the Oversensitivity but he quickly slapped your breast and again busied himself between your legs.
You were drained, you didn't even remember the count by now. Hoseok wasn't stopping anytime soon you begged him to stop but he turned deaf, ignoring your pleas.
After what felt a decade he lached himself away from your pussy and his chin was completely covered in your juices. He licked his lips and moaned. You felt dirty and embarrassed, it felt so explicit. But Jung Hoseok was an unbelievable man.
" Tired already? " He shook his head chuckled. " You have to do somethin about it princess because I'm going to fucking tear apart this tiny pussy. " He said softly as if it didn't made you scared for your dear life.
Before you could speak anything, hoseok lined himself in front of you and without a warning he slammed himself inside you making you choke on your tears. " That's right baby, scream.. Scream as loud as you can. You know I fucking love that. " Hoseok chuckled and grabbed your already sore breast, fucking you faster.
The bed was creaking, the pace was inhuman, your mouth left open but no sound could be heard. " So fuckin tigh-t bab-y. Fuck" He moaned and leaned down to capture your lips between his. You were moaning as he kept thrusting inside you. You loved getting filled by the man you loved. It was euphoric, the pain, the pleasure it all felt too much.
Hoseok leaned down to kiss your lips, distracting you from the pain. You quickly wrapped your hands around his neck pulling him more close. His warmth felt right. Hoseok kept drilling himself inside you and re arranging your organs. Your throat was sore, he moved towards your neck and started devouring the flesh. He started giving you purple bruises which would be the proof of your ownership.
You let out a shaky breath as you felt yourself cuming around his dick. Hoseok hissed because of how tight you were clenching him. He fucked you so many times and still he left amazed by your tightness. Everytime he make sure to open you up till you gap but nothing remains permanent.
" Look in my eyes while I fuck your brains out darling. " Hoseok ordered you and you quickly obeyed opening your eyes and directly looking at his. His eyes we're the prettiest, he looked angel, naked, all above you, fucking you into a mess. How can someone look angelic while doing these utterly sinful things?
"Da-ddyy to-o much... m'not... Aghh. " You cried and hoseok just shushed you. Not listening to your pleas. He did not stopped only increased his thrust making your eyes roll back and scream his name.
Hoseok halted his movements and pulled himself out of her then roughly turning you around and raising your ass up. Your mind was blank till now,before you could even register the movements he thrusted again making you choke on your sobs."Too much? My dumb little whore thinks it too much. I haven't finished baby... You gotta take what daddy gives you. Got it? " Hoseok hissed and slapped your ass roughly. You were only able to nod your head nothing more.
" Will ya let me break your back if I want to baby? " Hoseok asked through clenched teeth, collecting your scattered hairs in his palm and tightening the grip, making your raise your neck higher. " Y-yes " You breathed out, a little moan leaving from your lips.
" Good, that's what I expect from you baby. That's what you should do yeah? " Hoseok kept thrusting harder making your eyes roll in the back of your head. The pleasure was too much, the heat in the pit of your stomach was turning your mind into a mushy little thing.
Hoseokg gripped your flesh near your waist roughly making you whimper, he can not just do that can he? It was making you loose all of your senses. The grip on your hair was only getting tighter , the thrusts were getting rougher, sloppier making hoseok loose his mind too.
His emotions were all over the place, but fucking your pussy made him loose all. He forgot he was even feeling insecure that you might leave him. No way you would leave him noticing the way how you're enjoying his strokes, pussy clenching around his dick even harder than before. He would never let you go, tho.
" You're mine baby, fucking mine. " His rasped voice sending shivers directly at your core. His voice was strained, like he was speaking from the back of his throat making you all giddy and aroused at the same time. You loved this hoseok, angry hoseok definitely hits your spot better.
"yeah baby? my cock that fuckin' good? fucking you so stupid your don't even have anything to say? such a needy little slut for daddy." you moaned in response, and the sound of the growl that came from hoseok's throat made you clench around his cock and he noticed. "god fucking dammit, y/n. gonna make me fuckin' cum. gotta have you soak my cock first before me, understand?" you nodded, gripping the bed sheets as he pounded into you. his pelvis brushing over your clit, and he moved his hand from your hip straight to your swollen clit, brushing circles into the bud. your hips jolted at the contact and he let out a groan as he pushed your face into the mattress.
"hob-ii....too much.. fuck.." he shook his head, grabbing your wrists and held them together at your back. he thrusted into you, his mouth a few inches from your ear as he whispered.
"you're gonna lay here and take my fucking dick, you hear me? gonna cum so deep inside you, you'll feel me for days. wanna fill you to full with my fuckin' cum you'll be leakin' me for the rest of the week." you whimpered in response, clenching around his cock as he spoke and making it harder for you to breath.
" Fuc....k... Ba..by ple..ase... I can't any..more.. Please.... " You cries were muffled but hoseok heard you perfectly. " shush, you can handle it baby don't ya? You're my good, girl aren't you? " Hoseok cooed at you, making you whimper. How can you disobey your hoseok? If says, then you're going to take it.
He stopped all together, earning a groan of displeasure from your mouth and turning you around, on your back. " Look at me while I cum deep inside you. Yeah? Will ya baby? " He mumbled, too lost in the pleasure.
Not even after a second he quickly entered you again thrusting sloppily and still hitting your spots perfectly. Your brows were knitted together feeling the pressure he was building in your stomach. Hoseok leaned down kissing you messily, groping your breasts.
" See babygirl. feel you milkin' my cock already. you want it that bad? wanna be my little cum slut that bad? fuck.." he moaned out in between kissing you, quickening his thrusts as he pounded into you, the headboard started to hit the wall with each movements and his eyes never left yours."p-please.. Hob..ii...." you moaned out from under hand hand, and you felt him push his hips against you hard, his cock twitching in your cunt. he bellowed out the most pornographic moan you had heard the man make, triggering your own orgasm with him as he came inside you.
you felt the mixture of yours and his cum spill out of your swollen cunt and down your ass cheeks, onto the sheets. he couldn't help but groan as he let go of your throat and wrists as he pulled out, his overstimulated cock throbbing in your sopping cunt.
" I love you. " He said as he collapsed over you.
" I love you too hoseok. " You replied ingulfing him in a hug.
" Hobii I'm sorry i made you feel unwanted by the way. I'll never do it again. " You mumbled on his neck.
" It's fine baby" Hoseok mumbled, forgiving you long ago.
" Besides, it won't be a much hassle to remind you again. " He pecked your lips and chuckled lightly, earning a swat on his back from your small hands.
____
@yellabella77 @vvh0adie @sweetwolfcupcake @taeluv13 @screamertannie @bbyorchid @sabiluna00113 @favfanfictsbts @jwirecs @thew-recroom @aka-fic-reqs @miyaohyeahh @mintsugarmy
#hoseok#hoseok x y/n#hoseok x reader#hoseok x oc#hoseok x you#jung hoseok#jung hoseok x reader#jung hoseok x you#jung hoseok fic#hoseok fic#hobi hobi#hobi icons#jung hobi#hobi day#hobi instagram#jhope icons#bangtan jhope#jhope instagram#jhope smut#jhope fanfic#jhope headers#hoseok smut#jung hoseok smut#jhope x reader#jhope x y/n#yandere jhope#yandere hoseok#alternate universe#bts#bts army
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Ya know, I love the idea of dilf!Cove being a huge tease during edging, but I gots to know how he’s like when he’s feeling a little more desperate than usual. Like the tables have been turned on ol’ dilf daddi. Any HCs to grace us with 👀
this..i had thoughts abt him i buried n then i rmbred them n they ran w me n now we have this horny mess
tags : NSFW, gn reader, top/service bottom reader, bottom cove, i babygirled him a bit sorry guys 😋, ooc ofc bc DILF COVE., edging/overstim, this is just horny af ok lemme ALONE /lh
no bc I was thinking abt this earlier n this is kinda dilf!cove (not yall breaking up though)
he's desperate. he acts like he NEEDS some or he's gonna parish
if you ask, he'll beg like a dog for some ass, he rlly will
althoughhhh if we wanna talk abt that scenario....
you can expect some drunk/midnight calls from ex-husband/ex-bf dilf!cove... ANYWAY <33
imagine walking around in something sexy, or short or tight
he's in pieces, following you around n touching you, kissing you n telling you you look gorgeous in that outfit...
if you're teasing him, walking around the house or you're out on the town looking fine as fuck, he's either bricked up or he's like that damn meme, telling his dick to stay down 💀😂
but that's just one basic way to make him desperate
the best way to tease him n have him under your finger, is to edge him alllll day
morning? I'm torn between jerking him off while he sleeps, until he's dripping n twitching n his cock is flushed
also i love the idea of stuffing him with a dildo
or riding him, making yourself cum and pulling away just before he can finish
I think he'd fucking love that, his brain would turn to mush n go straight to his dick I know it 🤭🤭
this big, tired, sexy man with his ass up n stretched around a thick plastic dick
he'd look so pretty...
when he was younger, cove was so embarrassed to own or use monster dildos
but now? he has dildos with knots and ridges,tentacles, n tapered tips. even has one shaped like a dragon (yes im projecting, i wanna be him😩)
so imagine stuffing him w his favorite toy, the ridges drugging along his walls, the tip bumping against his prostate perfectly
and he's so blissed out, loving the stretch from the toy getting thicker at the base..
but then you slip a cockring over him n he whips his head around. he's torn between causing a stink n crying
oh god, imagine making him go about his day, unable to cum but the toy hitting all those delicious spots inside him
his legs are shaking the whole day, he'll fall to his knees tryna wash the dishes because you came up behind him,
n smacked his butt or purposefully thrusted your hips against his butt, the toy slamming against his g-spot..
please don't forget to pull him to the side, shove down his pants and jerk his cock until he's sloppy, tears on his lash line bc he can't cum w this damn ring on...
n pull away, wipe your hands on his shirt n tell him to clean up the pre he dropped...
definitely mutters n calls you mean
tries to grind against the seat/couch, palms his bulge through his jeans... but he can't finish
it's like you know when he's thinking abt taking the ring off n cumming bc then you're there, kissing him n asking him his color/safe word and telling him he's so good, n just a little more...
it makes him dizzy how much you're controlling his pleasure n he loves it
by the time you're ready to let him cum n stop teasing him, he's so easy to pull apart
he'll beg, claw at your clothes, n his legs are shaking n his pants are stained w pre..
when you finally pull the cockring off to let him cum,
doesn't matter if you jerk or suck him off or fuck him, he's so whiny n flushed n teary eyed n babbling
babbling abt how he wants to cum, begs you to fuck him n abt how good your feel n abt how deep you're hitting, or how warm your throat/hole is. you've broken him🤭
even after all that... he begs for more, he loves when you edge n use him like this<333
someone pls come talk to me abt ex-husband dilf!cove i....i have thoughts n im open to maybe a lil toxic, definitely a lot horny ex-husband dilf!cove situationship ykw im sayin
#olba#our life: beginnings & always#cove holden#cove holden x reader#smut#cove holden smut#cove x mc#cove x reader#cove our life#our life cove#cove holden x mc
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