#now you all understand why I can’t post any written works because I am too indecisive | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

katherinakaina · 2 months ago

Note

🧡🖤💀

for pathologic ofc

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

I have a hard time assessing what is popular. As far as I can tell, anything you’d call a theory is rather unpopular around here. Most people just go with the text and take all the characters at their word. Which honestly baffles me, because the game warns you every chance it gets that everybody’s lying to you all the time.

For example, most people seem to think Aglaya is sincerely in love with Artemy or the player. And, strictly speaking, it doesn’t really change anything whether her feelings are genuine or she’s just manipulating either him or you directly. BUT I feel strongly that her being a master manipulator and all around heartless bitch makes for a better character. Maybe I just find love and affection less interesting than cunning and ambition – especially in women. But when a character is introduced like ‘oh, she’s devilishly smart, she’ll achieve her goals no matter what, she’ll make you do her bidding and you won’t even know it, every thought you have in your head was planted there by her on purpose’ I am going to assume she had you all fooled, sorry.

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

Lara Ravel. She has a very particular brand of darkness that nobody seems to be talking about. Her deal is that she wants to be a good person. That’s why she always tries to sign up for all these humanitarian efforts like House of the Living, Isolation Ward, testing medicine, working at the Hospital or having water delivered to her house in p2. She romanticizes the idea of being a hero, a beacon of light, of giving away everything she can. “Lara reads too much classic literature” as Daniil puts it. The problem is, she tries. Doesn’t actually go through with any of it. Because she’s a coward.

Bachelor: Are you that afraid of death?

Lara Ravel: Utterly…

She says this on day 10. After you’ve seen her trying to involve herself in events and put herself in danger so many times. After she talks big talk about how she’d totally go and kill Alexander Block. And yet she always lets the circumstances stop her. And now you know why.

Is this too understandable to be a moral failing? People seem to think worse about Daniil for even considering fleeing the town. Or maybe you are mad at us americans for not going against armed police more often to stop a genocide. Or at russians for not overthrowing our warmongering regime yet. Whatever it is, sometimes people should risk their lives. Extraordinary things won’t be achieved without extraordinary effort.

Anyway, I think Lara is my favourite bound. I honestly want to write a separate post about her, especially her p2 story, because it has interesting things added there. Her story is probably the most well written in general, thematically consistent and human. And just plain relatable. We all wish we were Danill Dankovsky. But we all are Lara Ravel. Too afraid of death to make anything of our lives.

💀: If you had to choose one major character to die, who would you choose?

If you think about it, it’s a bit of a plot hole that Aglaya doesn’t try to get rid of all the humbles to make the Changeling's ending impossible. She can’t just execute them without being too obvious about it, but she can plot and scheme to make that happen. Like, what if it was her who gave that gun to Anna on day 9? Would be fun if one of them actually died as the result of this whole thing or even all three of them. Something like that.

#pathologic

10 notes · View notes

moment0moriss · 1 year ago

Text

Ok, so I’m seeing a lot of people making posts about why Vil is a complex character and they don’t understand the hate he gets, so

I’m going to make a post as to why I can’t like Vil.

I want to make this clear before I begin. I do not hate or dislike Vil, actually I appreciate how complex he is as a character, it’s just that I can’t like him.

And the reason is his relationship with Epel.

I’m going to start this off by saying I’m genderqueer (They/Them) and that I’m aware Vil isn’t transphobic but honestly some of his and Epel’s interactions just remind me too much of it, if that makes sense.

Why? You may ask, well:

He forces Epel to wear make up when Epel makes it clear he doesn’t like it.

He forces Epel to wear feminine clothes when Epel makes it clear he doesn’t like it.

He forces Epel to act in a traditionally feminine manner when Epel makes it clear he doesn’t like it.

All of this just reminds me way too much of a transphobic parent trying to force their kid into the role of their assigned sex.

And like,

I’m aware it has more to do with the way Twisted Wonderland was written, but it’s just something that eats away at me when I think of Vil. I am never going to be able to see it as anything else no matter how much I try.

And I know Epel has some issues with toxic masculinity. I know all too well, because they are almost the exact same things I did before I realized and came out as genderqueer.

I used to dress traditionally masculine, did the “tough” voice and speech, I used to wear sports bras just a bit too tight to make myself look flatter (practice safe binding kids), I used to hate on traditional femininity, and so much more and it reminds me a lot of Epel.

I dont headcanon Epel as FTM (I actually kind of dislike it but I feel like that’s a post for another day.) but his struggles are very similar to trans struggles and Vil acts in a very similar manner to transphobic parents.

(Also if you headcanon Epel as FTM, I don’t dislike you, because I understand that there’s not a lot of trans representation and a good portion of this post is about how Epel is trans coded.)

For me to like Vil I need just some sort of acknowledgment from the narrative that Vil is wrong for forcing Epel to play a role he doesn’t want, because right now it feels like the story is saying he’s right and it makes me like him even less. It makes me feel like they’re saying that Epel’s gender dysphoria will go away with time as he accepts his feminine appearance and, from my personal experience, that’s not really how it works????

If I’m wrong please let me know. But like, when I’m dressed femme and my gender is more masc that day, no matter how comfortable I would be in that outfit if my gender was femme, I feel dysphoric.

Also before anyone says “but you think Epel is cisgendered! How can he experience gender dysphoria???”

So, anyway, that’s why, for the moment, I can not like Vil.

Also, please, do not use this to spread any hate about Vil Shoenheit. Like I said, I don’t hate his character, I just really dislike how this part of the story is being handled. I should also mention I haven’t read Chapter 6 yet, so I don’t actually know if this issue is properly being dealt with there. I will reboot this when I have read it and say whether I have changed my mind or not. Thank you.

#twisted wonderland #TWST #twst character analysis #twst epel #twst vil #vil shoenheit #epel felmier #pomfiore

68 notes · View notes

winterrrnight · 11 months ago

Text

rant + potential renewal of new beginnings

hello <3 so, something has been bothering me a bit for the past few days now, and I need to let it out. (more below the cut!)

I have seen people express their concern here regarding Rafe being written “wrong”, that is when he’s way too much of a softie, a romantic, etc etc. That really struck a chord in me because if you’ve read any of my content, you’d know I write a lot of soft!rafe/fanon!rafe. And even though no one has ever said to me directly that I’m writing Rafe “wrong”; when I read the post, it really hit me for some reason.

I totally understand if that isn’t your cup of tea. That’s okay. I wholeheartedly agree with the fact that I do write Rafe very differently from how he is shown canonically. But, I unfortunately don’t have an explanation as to why I do it (and now that I think about it, I don’t essentially owe one either). To add, there are so many authors for Rafe on here, so you can engage with all sorts of Rafe content; fluff, smut, dark!rafe, etc etc. I don’t read or write dark, nsfw content because it’s just not me.

I’ve been writing for months now, and never did I ever stop and question my writing the way I’m doing right now. Which leads me to really doubt everything I’ve ever written – even though the said post was never ever directed to me, it was a public announcement, it still felt like such a personal jab. (I am not even mutuals with the one who made this post, so honestly I don’t even know why it is affecting me so much).

I guess this is why my requests plus really old 300 followers celly requests are piling up, and I’m really really sorry for that. It’s a weird slump I’ve hit, and honestly I am not able to make my way out of it.

I was attempting to work on future chapters for New Beginnings, but failed miserably because I realized how fanon that Rafe is. And even though I have had so much love on New Beginnings so far (which I so so highly appreciate), it just isn’t sitting right with me right now, and I can’t find myself with any motivation to work on it. I also fear that the more the story ascends, I will lose engagement.

So, at the moment, I am not taking the story down or anything!! It is right there, but here is what can potentially happen:

-> I may never resume it, and have its three chapters up on my blog just like that.

-> I may take it down, renew it, and post a better version of it, one that suffices me.

-> I take it down (which, let me add, has minimal to no chance of happening because I don’t want to make any spur of the moment decisions).

The trope of the story has my whole heart, I just think I can take a better approach. So the chances of the second one happening are really high at the moment.

Thank you so much for reading, thank you so much for understanding <3 writing means the whole world to me so I wish for nothing but to escape this horrible slump :(

I hope you all are doing okay, please keep on taking care of yourself, drink water, eat some food, and just enjoy living 🤍🎀

Signal boost to spread within my moots (who are the literal reason I live and breathe 🥹 + people who have been so supportive of new beginnings it is crazyyyy): @runningfrom2am @maybankslover @totalswag @chenslucy @wallsdreams @sadfury @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @rafeinterlude @congratsloserr @bejeweledreverie @tortured-poets-depxrtment

(no pressure to interact!)

#rafe cameron #rafe #new beginnings #drew starkey #edith rambles! 🪄#written by edith! 🪄

40 notes · View notes

kamsspice · 4 months ago

Text

Long post

10 Minutes - a bokuaka ficlet written by me, cross posted on ao3.

It amazes Akaashi how easily a good day can be undone in ten minutes.

He had been in his element this morning; he rose before the sun, attended a few meetings online and even had breakfast before it broke noon. Sipping his cup of tea, he had scanned him small flat and decided it was about time to stop living in piles of clothes and crack on with the pending chores. Yes, he would sweep his floor (the dust bunnies certainly weren’t paying his rent) and finally put away his laundry. And later that evening, he could call Bokuto, maybe even while he cooked dinner and perhaps live in his fantasy of them being a working couple.

It was a good plan. Solid, even.

At 12PM, Akaashi had been so pleased with himself that at 21, a final year literature student, he is finally feeling like a functional adult. He was so pleased that he felt compelled to call his mom. It was an urge. On the days he bothered to check his phone, a message of sorts would be waiting for him. A sweet Just thinking of you or hope you’re well. Of course he would always reply, because despite everything, she’s his mother.

The trill of the phone had rang in Akaashi’s ears. He was smiling as he waited, eyes cast not on the mountain of clothes on his bed but out the window on the cool grey skies of the city. His mother answered, with her sweet voice. They were on the phone for sixty minutes and the first fifty of them went smoothly. “Oh, I heard that part of Tokyo is lovely this time of year.” “Yes, Mom, I am eating well, no you don’t need to send me food.” She spoke to him in earnest as any mother would and Akaashi was receptive of it all.

Then, the last ten minutes happened.

He shouldn’t have brought up Bokuto. Part of him knew not to but another, younger part of him hoped that she wouldn’t care. Because for all of his best friend’s achievements and successes, she does not like the nature of the feelings Akaashi holds for him.

Those ten minutes go as he should have known it would. She’d rant about how wrong it is, how it’s a choice he’s making, how she doesn’t understand him. He’s tried explaining it rationally, but he’s seven years into this specific conversation topic that it feels like a waste of time. So he listens to how she fails to understand him.

Ten minutes of those walls Akaashi tried to tear down being built up again by her, brick by brick with each word she utters. But maybe he’s being irrational. Perhaps he didn’t explain it well enough.

But how long must he feel like he’s being tried for something that isn’t a crime?

She told him she doesn’t understand him. He tells her he needs to get on with his house chores. She tells him “I love you, dear” and he tells her goodbye. Akaashi knows she loves him and he knows he loves her too. Yet, when she meets him with her unwillingness to listen, a disgusting unease churns in his stomach. Why is it so difficult?

Now, it’s 1PM. They just ended their call, and Akaashi knows he has chores to do. But the mountain of clothes suddenly feel too large and the floors seem too wide and he no longer has an appetite. He sits by his cluttered desk. Akaashi’s chest and head are suddenly too heavy to lift. With elbows dug into the litter of paper, he lays his face in his palms and heaves deeply.

Now, it’s 4PM. The winter bids the sun an early goodbye all the while, the last ten minutes of their phone conversation played back on a loop in Akaashi’s head. He tries to analyse his words, tries to understand where he went wrong. The only conclusion he draws is that he was wrong to try and share his joy with her. That realisation weighs his head and heart heavier.

He wonders, as the night inches closer, if he had any siblings, would they be the same? Is there anyone in his family he could feel safe being himself to? If this is how is mother is, he can’t be so sure of his other relatives. He wonders why he feels so paralysed by something that isn’t a surprise to him and why his disappointment feels as fresh as it does seven years ago. Akaashi lives alone and the apartment now feels colder and quieter.

Akaashi could wonder until night turns day why she thinks the way she does but that would be putting more effort than she ever would for him. He could write a PhD thesis about his feelings for another man and defend it in front of her, but why should he? Surely it’s enough that he feels happy.

Well, he doesn’t feel happy now and the responsible party for that isn’t Bokuto.

Akaashi glances at the digital clock partly buried in paperwork on his desk. 16:28. He then turns his head to his bed and the mountain of clothes hasn’t disappeared.

“For fuck’s sake,” he mutters under his breath. Deciding that moping wouldn’t be conducive of a productive day, he stands up. The heaviness follows, but he does what he set out to do even if it’s slower than he’d like.

Akaashi sweeps the floor, puts away his laundry and organises the mess of clothes, but stops short when he walks up to his cooker. His appetite has not reappeared. Those ten minutes drained him more than he anticipated. He had looked forward to calling Bokuto as he cooked, but now as he thinks of hearing Bokuto’s boisterous voice on the other end of the line, Akaashi cannot help but also think of those ten minutes. And he does not want to sound passive to Bokuto nor does he want to lie about how his shitty day has been.

It’s 6PM. Well, not everything works out how you wish, Akaashi resigns. He spares one more look at his cooker, bidding goodbye to his night of fantasy, before charting a direct course to his bed.

Then, his doorbell buzzes. He wonders who the hell could have the nerve to ring his door at this time of night, considers staying in bed but no, the ringing is incessant and now Akaashi is royally peeved.

He mutters all sorts of unpleasantries on the trip to the door, cursing up, down, left and right in his head.

“Hello?” Akaashi politely says into the receiver.

“Hey, hey, hey!” says a boisterous voice back.

Akaashi doesn’t waste a second to buzz in, open his apartment door, jog out of his flat and launch his head over the shared landing bannister to find Bokuto charging up the stairs, bag slung on his shoulder and a bright smile on his face. Akaashi’s heart melts at the sight.

Once back in his apartment, words spill out of Akaashi’s mouth like a fountain. How the hell? When the hell? Why--

“I really needed to see you, is all,” Bokuto says. He dumps his bag on the floor flops onto Akaashi’s sofa, leaving Akaashi alone standing in his disbelief. “And I knew you didn’t have much on this Friday so thought, fuck it, let’s have a sleepover.”

“Bokuto-san, you ought to call people before inviting yourself over for a weekend. What if soemthing last minute came up?” Akaashi chides, though he doesn’t mean it.

“Nothing did, did it?” Bokuto points a finger and quirks his bushy brows, smug pride painted on his face. “Besides, it didn’t sound like you were getting out much. I told you, you should live with other people Akaashi. I know you’re an only child and all, but it’s not all that bad. You won’t go crazy from hearing your own voice all the time.”

Akaashi chuckles, taking a seat on the arm of the sofa by Bokuto’s feet. “I’m used to it.”

“Oh, man, when I first moved in to my own place, it was rough. My sisters didn’t think I could last a month but I barely lasted a week!” Bokuto launches into his anecdote about his first week in his first apartment. How he had to learn actually understand his tenancy agreement, how to use a washing machine and more importantly how to cook. Akaashi chimes in, reminding Bokuto about how it was pretty embarrassing that a grown man like him didn’t know how to meal prep.

“And yet,” Bokuto says, “you still cook for me.”

“For why? I don’t know.”

“Speaking of which.” Bokuto rises, springing over to the fridge. He opens it wide with a smile on his face which soon fades when he sees how bare the fridge is. No food, just nearly out of date broccoli, a few eggs and a half-eaten courgette. “It’s embarrassing that a grown man doesn’t know how to meal prep, huh, Akaashi?” He shoots Akaashi another smug, teasing glare and Akaashi flips him off.

“I wanted to cook today but I got swamped with other stuff,” Akaashi says easily because it’s the truth. He doesn’t say how he wanted to call Bokuto.

“No problem,” says Bokuto, “we can just make something now!”

Bokuto gathers the left over ingredients and starts work. Akaashi watches him and that unease that had been stirring in his gut eases away bit by bit. He marvels at how easy it is to love Bokuto. He doesn’t have to carefully construct his sentences. Everything is straightforward.

And Akaashi wonders again, if being around this man makes him feel this at ease, what is wrong about it? Can loving his own mother be this straightforward? Is everyone’s relationship with their parents equally as taut as it is loose. Is the road to the fact of yes, I love her with all my heart as convoluted for him as it is for everyone else? And if it is, why is it him that must walk that path? Why must he go through all the peaks and troughs to arrive at that conclusion?

Dinner is soon made and because he’s feeling bold, Akaashi gives them permission to eat on his bed. He warns Bokuto to not get used to it lest he forget the last time they did this (the oil stains still won’t come off his mattress). Bokuto fills the silent air with his voice. The flat doesn’t feel as small as it did.

Akaashi breathes out deeply. Bokuto’s attention turns away from the food and to him, golden eyes curious and silently asking.

“I’m good,” Akaashi answers. “I’m just really happy to see you.”

#bokuaka #made in 2 hours #all mistakes are my own #i did this for therapy reasons and need it somewhere #ao3 is scary because i feel to perceived

16 notes · View notes

dizzydennis · 2 years ago

Text

I need to get this off my chest.

I’ve been vocal about the IDW/Ian Flynn haters in the past. In fact, they’re the entire reason why I mostly left this platform. But it never ends. Whether it’s on tumblr or twitter or even in twitch chats, it never ends!

Don’t you get tired? Just go somewhere else? Just ignore the comics. The argument always comes up of “We can’t ignore it, they’ll ruining Sonic.” You can. You absolutely can!

I very much hate the Animal Crossing series now despite having liked it in the past. You don’t see me constantly writing essays about how bad it is. You don’t see me hating on every bit of news that comes out with it.

Comic books are a monthly narrative. They’re a medium very different from video games. I understand that people want Sonic to be a particular way. I do too, if I’m being honest. But I’m also aware that it’s a different interpretation as has been Archie Sonic, Movie Sonic, Fleetway Sonic, X Sonic, Underground Sonic, and so on. Sonic always changes based on the medium and interpretation. Heck, he changes between games. Sonic being “chatty” in the comics is a different interpretation and part of the entire medium of comic books. It’s how reading works.

I’m not going to claim that IDW or Ian Flynn are perfect. Is Sonic too morally righteous in the comics? Yes. Is Shadow written as an edgelord and against his growth from the game canon? Yes. Does Eggman lacking any back-up plans seem idiotic? Yes. Have the stories gotten a bit too repetitive with them constantly going to the Eggperial City? Yes. Is this something worth exploding over every month? NO!

All media is going to have things that aren’t perfect. You’re allowed to dislike it, but where is the line drawn in how much you need to vent about it?

The reason I want to write this post is how the “opinions” against the comics and Flynn have gotten to this unavoidable, venomous point. I’ve seen haters say how they’re excited to see the IDW sales fall so the comics eventually get canceled. How they want to take this particular faction of the Sonic fandom and dissolve it. I ask this genuinely: What is wrong with you!? Just because you dislike a particular part of a series means you want it destroyed even for those who enjoy it? Grow up. It’s selfish, mean, and just not what fandom is supposed to be about. The insults, the name-calling, the mob mentality, and everything coming out of this negative side of the fandom is really, really gross.

I’ve seen many haters always say that there are IDW-lovers who have also bullied, name-called, and even sent death threats. Now, I have never seen these myself besides retaliating against the haters who go too far. But I have never ever seen death threats over this (it could have been to previous writers and I may be mistaken). Now, I am stating it right here that just because I didn’t see these posts doesn’t mean they don’t exist. If they do, I obviously do not condone that behavior. It is awful! But I also see the haters bringing up these examples to justify any action they take. I’ve lost track of how many times it’s been brought up. First off, you know (if the posts do exist) that it’s a couple of bad apples amongst plenty of normal fans. But it’s brought up so often that I wonder... is it still a legitimate justification for how you’re acting? Even if it was one bad post, how much mileage can you get out of that? Does it still legitimize how you’ve been currently talking about others? Does it make your bullying fair? Your words do hurt and they do get to the ears of those you’re talking about.

And about Ian Flynn. You all need to stop. No, Ian Flynn is not perfect. No, I don’t think his Bumblekast things help a lot; in fact, it muddies a lot of the waters. But it’s a stupid podcast on the side... just ignore it. You do that with what’s actually written in the comic already. However you feel about him, Ian Flynn has contributed a lot to Sonic through Archie, IDW, and the games.

But there’s such a hatred for anything Ian Flynn puts his name on. I have a former friend who hated Sonic Frontiers before it came out simply because Ian Flynn was attached to it. The moment they heard he was the head writer, they wrote the game off. I am 100% sure that no matter how Frontiers or the story within it turned out, they would have disliked it. Just because Ian Flynn was in the end credits. The insults thrown at Ian Flynn, the artists, and writers of the IDW comics are inexcusable. If he has two characters even share a panel, you call it shipbaiting. If two female characters have a fight, you claim it’s written by a sexist man. If a villain is killed off-screen or turns out to be alive, you complain. This last point is exactly how a monthly, serialized story works. I don’t know if you’re unfamiliar with comic books outside of Sonic, but this is how the medium just is. Said villain gets killed and you shout foul about how the one “queer” character was killed. How the writers are homophobic for “leading readers on” and then killing him. There have been racists posts about the fandom praising Flynn over Japanese writers. You make posts ranting and raving how Nite and Don being a gay couple is bad because they’re “nothing characters” and then you post about how Don abandoned Nite... despite the fact that literally ONE PAGE LATER, he comes back to essentially die with his boyfriend.

It makes me wonder if the haters actually READ the comics or if they scan, decide they don’t like something, and then get angry. Sonic is a comic series under mandates and rules, especially after everything that went down with Archie. No, I’m not saying these mandates are excuses for poor characterization or writing, but it does somewhat explain why certain characters are handled in certain ways. The IDW comic writers are people with the freedom to take the characters in certain directions. That’s all. They’re creators working hard.

The defenses you all set up to lean back on Pontac and Graff is also bewildering. Now, if you love the “Meta Era” of games then that’s totally fine. I honestly don’t care which games you like. But retroactively praising the writing of games like Sonic Lost World and Sonic Forces is odd. Yes, Pontac and Graff are human beings and don’t deserve the massive hate and mistreatment they’ve been dealt. But their work is rightfully criticized. We went through over a decade of poor writing and canon being completely screwed up. But some of you will defend them because Eggman said he’d strangle a zeti or that the way he said the sun would crush the heroes justified so much in Forces. Why are you willing to die on this hill? For four games? For four games that have objectively more lighthearted and cookie cutter plots?

I’m not perfect in this. For a while, when Sonic Forces came out. I would make post after post about it. After a couple of months, I realized that I simply hated the game and I was harming the experience of people who liked it. I made an apology and I stopped. I still hate Sonic Forces. It’s still my most hated Sonic game, but you don’t see me reacting to the Infinite mini figure getting announced by making weeks of posts saying how badly he was written.

Just get over it. Move on. Stop hating on the aspects of a thing you’re supposed to be a fan of. Aren’t you miserable? Sonic the Hedgehog has been such a positive influence on my life. Sonic has inspired me, gotten me through bad times, and has introduced me to some of the best people I have ever met.

Why stick around and constantly surround yourself with such negativity? Again, I don’t hang around Animal Crossing things anymore and I’m personally better off for it. You’re in a fandom, but are you even fans anymore? You’ll hate everything that comes out simply because a particular writer is attached or because you’ve decided the comics have betrayed your headcanons. It’s gotten to the point where the IDW Haters really have become a joke. People see what you’re saying and it’s affecting the perception of the fandom. Moreover, you’re actively ruining the experience for fans around you and are voicing that you hope it fails.

That’s not what being part of a fandom is about. I am so, so, so tired of seeing negativity about the comics and Ian Flynn. Again, honest opinions are fine and I want people to feel how they feel. Their feelings should be valid. But having your opinions and becoming toxic to the point that you’re notorious for it... is just too much.

I love Sonic as I am sure many other fans do. Hell, there’s definitely love for Sonic with the IDW-haters as well; you wouldn’t feel so passionately about the blue blur if you didn’t care. But just take some perspective and realize what this is doing.

I had a good friend once who I thought would be somebody I could always relate to for good and bad. This friend would get angry if I didn’t agree to certain comments about Dr. Eggman and would be upset if I didn’t reply in a certain way to certain posts. It was like walking on egg shells. It came to a point where I needed to separate myself from that person. They became constantly toxic about all things modern Sonic. It made me feel depressed and guilty just to enjoy the series that I love. Toxicity is something that just corrodes you to the pit of your soul if it goes too deep. I miss this friend, but I don’t think I can ever truly be friends with them that way again. It affects me so often to this day.

Please, feel how you feel about Sonic comics, movies, games, whatever. Just realize how much your distaste for something is affecting you, your friendships, and others. I can’t stand this kind of drama anymore. I just want to love Sonic and want people to love Sonic as well. That’s what fandom is supposed to be about.

#Sonic the Hedgehog #Sonic comics #IDW Sonic #Ian Flynn #fans don't look

106 notes · View notes

nakahras · 10 months ago

Note

God. Your Chuuya fics are so good, I have to share with you my favorite lines of "Fireworks"

the port mafia executive is observing you. he watches as shadows of colors provided by the fireworks dance across your face, causing you to look 10x more strikingly beautiful than you already do. you’re quite literally the most stunning thing chuuya has ever laid his eyes on. he wants to tell you so. he wants to gush over how much he missed you. he wants to hold you. but he needs you to acknowledge him first and he knows you have an opinion about meursault that you deserve to voice. the problem lies in getting you to open yourself up. next to being the most stunning, you’re also the most stubborn person he has ever met. he has his work cut out for him. (this whole description is so well written, i love the way he thnks about reader)

and god how unfair. it’s so incredibly unfair how handsome he sincerely looks. his face isn’t covered by his hat and hair is tied by an ornamental string. the reds and greens and golds of his outfit really bring out the duel colors of his eyes. even frowning like he is, he is still a shining star in a sky full of clouds. (LOVE HETERCHROMIA CHUUYA BTW)

you let out an appalled scoff. “you thought of me? i find that hard to believe considering you made the decision to go along with dazai’s plan without warning. do you know how messed up i was? thinking you could be dead upon hearing you had been turned into a vampire. i thought i was never going to see you again because you didn’t tell me- i didn’t know. and then when you do return i don’t hear a single thing from you? not even a text saying ‘hey, shit is crazy at the port mafia but i will see you as soon as i can. just wanted to let you know i was safe.’ i would have been happy with that, chuuya.” (So well deserved ahahah)

you’re cut off again, this time by a sob that you can feel throughout your entire body. you choke again, feeling like you can’t breathe. your eyes unfocus, your hearing goes fuzzy and your limbs begin to feel numb and tingly. in your panicked haze you briefly note that you’re reaching out and latch onto some sort of soft material. the colors igniting the night sky become overwhelming so you squeeze your eyes shut. you wish you could drown out the booming noises created by the fireworks. it’s all too much, it’s been too much. your ears are ringing and your hands are trembling. the emotions swirling inside of you begging to be let out but you hold them in, not wanting chuuya to be affected. you’re nauseous, you feel as though you could throw up at any moment. (The way you write her emotions is just so >>> wow, it's so intense and vivid)

it’s absurd how calming just his presence is to you, even when you’re this irate with him. (love at its finest. i love love)

“my pretty doll, i can’t understand you when your face is covered like that. c’mere…” “now, what was it you were trying to say? i think i should be able to here you clearly this time.” (THE DIALOGUE, SO DREAMY)

it was only chuuya: chuuya’s velvety hair chuuya’s blazing warmth chuuya’s soft lips chuuya’s heavenly scent chuuya’s gentle touches chuuya. (GOD I LOVED THIS WHOLE SECTION. I DON'T KNOW WHY IT STRUCK SO HARD WITH ME BUT IT DID)

Anyway, I'm in love with the way you write Mister Nakahara Chuuya, if that wasn't clear

nonnie this is so sweet I’m actually crying :( tysm for reading my works and the kind words. i could kiss you you’re so sweet（>﹏<）i was so nervous posting for him for the first time i really am happy to hear that you and other enjoy the way i write him.

sending you all of the love and hugs and kisses i have to offer (o´〰`o)♡*✲ﾟ*｡

#᯽. 1 new message!#᯽. unknown number

2 notes · View notes

theonlyqualitytrash · 1 month ago

Note

Dear Quality,

I found myself thinking of you today! Everything going good for you lately?

I actually prefer to write to people anonymously under emojis (-🛵🌻 etc.), but I'm starting to think that it's not really necessary. I just love the vibe of being a secret, ykyk? There are questions I would like to ask to get to know you better. If you don't mind answering, I will try to write to you more often and keep your inbox busy. However, if I do not, know that I must be studying. 😪 I would be happy if you could also let me know what type of questions you don't want to be asked about so that I don't overstep any boundaries unknowingly.

I thought you might like this question. Here is the question I wish to ask you today:

What do you like about Fyodor? Since you said you will write mostly about Fyodor, I am assuming that he is your favorite character as well. What makes his character so fascinating for you? I would like to know why, in your own words and thoughts. Feel free to write as you like.

Have a lovely day and take care of yourself! 🤍

Dear Berry, (Can I call you that?)

Hello! Good day (or night), and all the lovely greetings that exist on Earth. Lately, I’ve been doing surprisingly well. I’m happy Christmas is around the corner, so I can give gifts to my loved ones. :> Today, I decorated the tree with my little brother, played outlast trials and bought some gifts for my Secret Santa at uni

I had a feeling you were 🛵🌻-anon! I’m glad you confirmed it, and I’m so happy you’re feeling more comfortable. <3 It makes me proud to know that I’ve created a space where you can push past your anxieties (that I think most of us have) and just exist in this corner of the internet. I completely understand your love for the anonymity; it’s liberating in a world where everyone’s eyes are on you

I might be totally wrong in what I’ve said, though—sorry if I read too much into it! oof—

I absolutely love getting questions, though! I was actually thinking about making an introduction post soon, where I share some general info about myself, my blog’s dos and don’ts, etc. It might make it easier to interact with me, so I’ll probably work on that in the near future

Generally, my ask box is open to most things—questions about BSD or anything else: my hobbies, music, philosophy, poetry, animals, fashion… really, anything as long as it’s respectful and doesn’t try to stir up drama or bring in politics. I try to keep things SFW, though I don’t mind NSFW content (I’ve written about cults and brainwashing, so it’d be hypocritical of me to mid it). If I don’t respond to something, it’s either because it made me uncomfortable or doesn’t feel relevant to my blog. I do like to communicate, though, so if something ever bothers me, I’m ready to type it out and vent. (I promise I’ll try to keep it funny! /j) I will probably include this a second time in my introduction post

---

Now, prepare THE ramble:

There are many characters in BSD that I cherish, like Atsushi, Louisa, Nikolai, Sigma, and Ango, to name a few. But you’re right—Fyodor holds a special place in my heart. His complexity makes him my main focus in my writing. I may write about other characters in the future (I have drafts sitting on my PC collecting digital dust, poor things), but Fyodor’s nature is just so fascinating and so fun to write for

When I talk about Fyodor, I can’t help but also mention Atsushi. I love both of them because they’re two sides of the same coin. They’re both trying to find their place in the world while striving to make it a better place (though their approaches are very different). Atsushi represents what Fyodor was before grief consumed him, and Fyodor represents what Atsushi could become if he succumbs to despair. What I find especially interesting is that Atsushi is, in a way, a part of Fyodor that he buried deep inside himself to achieve his goal—the untapped goodness, the desire to save everyone, the deep empathy and care. I’m sure Fyodor has these traits too, but he’s so consumed by sorrow and grief that he feels the only way to make a real change is to force the world to change

I’ve always loved anti-villains. Just give me a well-written one, and I’ll fall in love. Characters like Undertaker from Kuroshitsuji, Viego from League, and Snape from HP come to mind. Fyodor is similar in that regard. I think what first drew me to him was his gentle, almost otherworldly appearance in the manga (don’t get me started on the anime version; I will not forgive bones for taking my dainty prince away). His presence is soft and delicate, and even though his actions are dark, there’s something about his demeanor that keeps me intrigued

What really hooked me, though, was how misunderstood he is. He’s often portrayed in fanon as cold and calculating, but I think that oversimplifies his character. Sure, he’s serious and sometimes condescending, but there’s so much more to him than that. After rereading the manga and looking at what Asagiri wrote about him, I feel like I’ve discovered a whole new layer of Fyodor

I also love his politeness. Honestly, I just really appreciate politeness in people, and Fyodor’s refinement only adds to his charm (even if his actions don’t exactly match his manners)

Another reason I love him is that I can relate to a lot of his traits: his desire to change the world, his loneliness, his trust issues, his reserved nature, and even his nervous habit of nail-biting when stressed. And I think that’s why I’m so drawn to him: beneath all his guarded behavior, there’s a humanity that’s carefully concealed

sigh—I just want to show him some emotional vulnerability and let him rest, feel safe

---

Know that you matter! Always!

Exam season is coming up for me too, so I totally get the stress. But it's important to remind ourselves that in the grand scheme of things, that exam grade won’t matter in 5 or 10 years. The long nights of stress and anxiety are only going to make us unhealthy. So please, do take care of yourself! (And please don't feel obligated to keep my asks busy) Drink water, eat your comfort food, get the sleep you need (I’ll find you if you don’t), and maybe take a moment to step outside and breathe. Every emotion and feeling is valid, and if things feel overwhelming, try holding an ice cube—it’s helped me more times than I can count

And hey, if you need to talk, my DMs are always open. We can cry together. :))

Sending you kisses and good vibes! Good luck on your exams <3

#trash answers to your qs #Berry🛵🌻

1 note · View note

purplecobra52 · 5 months ago

Text

Lone Wolf Radio Rewrite

There was always something odd to me about Lone Wolf Radio.

On the surface, it’s nothing more than an abandoned trailer in the middle of the Mojave Wasteland. It’s full of broken audio equipment that must have been used to send out a pirate radio signal, and piles of empty whiskey bottles on the floor. There’s no valuable loot besides a Sunset Sarsaparilla star cap and a copy of The Wasteland Survival Guide. And of course there’s the graffiti. A painted warning, Keep Out, scrawled on the outside. And of course, a final, chilling sentence written on the inside wall: "Everyone is gone. I am all alone. Let it all end."

The location tells a chilling story: that of a conspiracy theorist who ran a pirate radio station, who became trapped once the bombs fell and spent his last days alone and hopeless. It’s such an interesting location that when I first stumbled across it while playing, I’d assumed that there would be something to do. A sidequest of some sort, a new character to interact with, a new game mechanic. Something, anything for the location.

But there isn’t. There is nothing more to Lone Wolf Radio than what you can find in the trailer, which is why it felt so odd. It feels incomplete. I felt like Lone Wolf Radio had a story to tell, and it just...didn’t happen in the game. And so, I started trying to understand why.

I should have just left it alone. It would be better if I had left it alone.

I made a post to a forum, asking if anyone else thought that the story of Lone Wolf Radio felt strangely incomplete, and soon enough, someone replied to it.

_mar7717: thats because it is. I worked on New Vegas and there was much more to the location.

Me: Seriously? What do you mean?

_mar7717: i was a programmer so i don’t know every detail, but ill tell you what I know. there was a major questline that surrounded Lone Wolf. i can’t say too much, but in short, if you turned on your radio at 2am in game, you would hear the broadcaster with some vaugly cultish ramblings and then he’d kill someone while live. Every week or so the whole process would repeat, and it would intensify if you ignored the broadcast to the point he would murder a child.

The claim sounded dubious. Fallout could be a pretty dark series, I knew that as well as anybody, but audible child murder was…something else. I sucked in a breath and wrote a reply.

Me: How far along was development before it was cut?

_mar7717: we were mostly finished but then we got a message from upstairs that they wanted the entire questline cut from the game for “undisclosed reasons”.

Me: Do you think there's any way to activate the quest now? I want to do that.

_mar7717: yeah actually i think a lot of the files are actually still there. i still have some of the code and i could send it to you to help since you seem so set on it. But are sure you want to do this? i remember that the story was really dark.

Me: It’s not like I have anything else better to do. Thanks.

Over the next few days, I searched the game for the missing files and managed to find every single one. The employee sent me the code, along with a few extra files, and I went about restoring the quest. (I had to look up a Youtube tutorial but managed it in the end.) Finally, when I was sure that everything was in order, I started a new save. As I watched the opening cutscene play out, I wondered what would come of this quest. I was a little nervous, but mostly excited to be the first to play it.

A few hours commenced and nothing happened. I was starting to worry that I had somehow messed something up, when suddenly, while I was wandering through the desert, New Vegas shining in the distance, Lone Wolf Radio came on. I immediately stopped whatever I was doing and focused on the broadcast.

A voice spoke. He sounded…strange. Demented. "All alone! I am the last true person alive! All around me the skies weep and the earth howls for blood. The very pits of the great below open for another offering. I hope this meager soul pleases you!"

All a sudden, I heard another voice, a man. He was scared.

"Lemme go! S-someone help!"

"You pathetic creature. You do not deserve to stand before the mother of the depths! Oh Earth! Take this flesh and enjoy its blood!"

"NO PLEASE DON'T-"

It sounded like a knife was really being worked into the man’s torso. He screamed desperately for a long second before he fell silent. As the brodcast ended, I just sat there, stunned. The whole thing sounded incredibly real. As I stared dumbly at the screen, I received a new questline.

THE LONE WOLF.

It took me a little while to make my way to the trailer. Long enough for another sacrifice, this time of a woman. She screamed for much longer than the man before she was silenced by the broadcaster. I squirmed in my seat as I listened to her cries. I wanted the quest to be over with as soon as possible.

Finally, I made it to the trailer. The first thing I noticed about the area was there was no music, but I just assumed it was because of a missing file. The other thing I noticed was the trailer had more graffiti on it. They looked much fresher than the previous two pieces. One of them read “Depths of the earth, steal our flesh”, and the other was two tally marks. I stared at them for a moment, and then made my way inside.

There was a raider NPC inside, which I assumed to be a placeholder. When he saw me, he ran towards me chanting something about the earth. I shot him like thirty times with my shotgun before he went down. At that moment, the questline registered as finished. I took a long kitchen knife off of his corpse, and then turned to see the corpses of the man and the woman.

There was something off about them. It wasn’t just that their faces were stretched in horror and that they were covered in stab wounds. It wasn’t just that some of their fingers were missing, and parts of their flesh were carved out. It was more than that, something deeper that was throwing me off. I studied them for a long time until I realized why. They didn’t look right. Their hair didn’t exist in the game. Their faces were highly detailed, straight out of the uncanny valley. Their clothes didn’t seem to fit within the fallout universe. The posing of their bodies seemed deliberate. I don’t know how else to explain it, but they looked wrong.

I had finished the quest, but according to the employee, it was also possible to listen to the murder of a child. I had a sense of morbid curiosity regarding that element of the quest. And so, I loaded an early save and tuned into the radio.

It was hard to listen to. Victim after victim was slaughtered for the world to hear, each execution more bone-chilling then the last. There was an elderly man who was beaten savagely, forced to scream until he was hoarse before he was finally killed. There was a teenage girl who called for mom as she was stabbed over and over. There was a young couple, slowly tortured and killed one after the other. There were so many different people, and each of them met a horrific end. I knew it had to be fake, but it was still terrible. No wonder it had been cut.

Then finally, when I thought it would go on forever, I heard a child’s voice. A little boy. He couldn’t have been older than six.

“Earth, take this last sacrifice,” the broadcaster said.

The child sounded scared. “Hello? I wanna go home.”

“It ends tonight! Everything! Ahahahahaha…”

“Please let me go home! PLEASE-”

STAB. “PLEASE!”

STAB. “Please!”

STAB “P-Please!”

STAB “please…”

STAB.

I uninstalled the game after that. I wanted it off of my desktop. I never wanted to see Fallout: New Vegas on my computer ever again. It had to be some sort of sick joke. It just had to be.

Me: WHAT THE HELL

_mar7717: what?

ME: HOLY SHIT IT SOUNDED LIKE AN ACTUAL MURDER. IT SOUNDED LIKE A SNUFF FILM.

_mar7717: sounded? there was voice acting?

ME: YES! It was so fucking disturbing! What the hell was that?!

_mar7717: but that should be impossible. there shouldn’t be any.

Me: What?!

_mar7717: we never got to record diolouge for that quest. what did you hear?

#lone wolf radio #creepypasta #writing tumblr #writeblr

0 notes

rarepairnation · 1 year ago

Note

3, 4, 7, 9 for the fic writer asks :)

hi anna thank u c: this took way too long lol i just spent days agonizing over what excerpts to pick and how i wanted to analyze them and falling asleep over my laptop keyboard but here it is finally (questions from this ask meme)

3. What’s a fic idea that you have but haven’t written yet?

dude the multitudes i think i could spend the character limit of this post listing them. opening the entire separate notes app on my phone where i keep them all. highlight reel: pacific rim chosen-one-as-in-sacrificial-lamb raleigh & stacker pentecost (you and i are the only ones who ever ran solo combat that's why i brought you here is CRAZY); james bond m(allory) vs the portrait of m(ansfield) that is very much not present in the halls of mi6 (until it is); lotr faramir and pippin and the ghost of boromir and the debt pippin owes to gondor which is not the debt that denethor demands of him. there are also like way too many little nickjasper oneshots that are sitting around waiting to be written. a selection: jasper leaving messages on nick's phone when he thinks he's dead, putting photos up + building a home together, couch fic, sleepy leather jacket fic, nick sending jasper on his first mission since they got together, 4x nick sweeping jasper off his feet, ambient new years day fic, nick meeting jasper's plane in the hangar, can you tell i am just holding them in my hands so tenderly. these are all such nothing concepts and yet theyre everything to me...

4. Do you prefer writing multi-chapter or oneshot fanfictions?

the day i write a chaptered fic again is the day i am dead in the damn ground. jk but like its the 20k oneshot unlimited scene breaks life for me i am afraid. putting in chapters gives me hives what if i have to go back and change something...ending a chapter gives the adhd a convenient place to sit down and refuse to move...all that

7. What's a trope you love to write?

depends on how broadly we are defining trope. actually i decided that this question just says "theme" instead of trope bc it was the middle of the night and i wanted to talk about Themes And Motifs. like.......guilt complex. the intersection between duty and desire. two people that have never had the luxury building a soft place to land together (because love is a place you could live in). uhhh. subversion of dark/light dichotomies (quiet and comfort and whispered secrets in the night and clarity and endings and unforgiving harshness in the light of day). Water Metaphors. that thing where a character sees their love interest in formalwear (or tactical gear. bc of. well the spy fiction) for the first time. i could go on but ive bastardized the prompt for long enough lol

9. What’s your favorite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?

sickos.jpg YES...YES!!! i love this one. i will try to refrain from going way overboard but also...no promises. gonna try to not do any of the ones i did for ao3 wrapped last year lol

"He wants to reach out, wants to touch, wants to find Gareth among the bones of M but he can’t. Not now."

the way i played with names and titles and forms of address in race for a hurricane (bond, the first mallorytanner i ever published) remains one of my most favourite things i've done with words ever in my life. like when i figured it out i was like oh. i Understand them now. there are at LEAST three layers of masks before you even start to get into real people down there. and here is a situation that strips them all away. like mallory has to accept the death of mi6 before he can allow himself to fight for it one last time but their work life balance is pretty much defined by "when you are m" and "when you are not/when you are tanner's." when it's no longer that clear-cut it takes tanner reaching for him and saying gareth for both of them to understand that what they have together exists outside and past the boundaries of m-and-his-chief-of-staff. ugh its crazy stuff

"He's always known exactly how to push Nick's buttons and Nick's not made it a secret how hot he is for him right now, all confident competence, smug and self-assured in the knowledge that he's done everything Nick wants of him - and he has. He's done it to perfection. He reaches out and traces a finger across Jasper’s jaw, waits until he has his full attention before he lets his mouth curve with clean, shining approval. “Oh, Jas,” he says, “my sword.” Jasper lets out a sigh at Nick's words, pitched high enough that it could be a whine, tongue darting out to wet his lips. Nick steps back, lets Jasper sway half a step towards him, the slackness in his shoulders half want and half relief. Catches him with a hand against his chest. “Let me see you. What have you done to yourself?”"

well i had to put in this entire passage from just so long as this thing's loaded (marvel, unhinged nickjasper). i am just so fucking pleased with the build of the tension and the space of the pause before the Line Of All Time and just. i assigned myself to write Well More Things Should Be Weird And Horny and i think i pulled it off. like six paragraphs up there is pretty much straight up knifeplay in there. in my defense i didnt realize how intense it'd got until i had finished writing it. obviously the crown jewel of this excerpt and also of the whole fic is oh, jas, my sword which is a line that fucking bolt of lightning-ed into my mind exactly when i needed it and put me absolutely flat on my back. (i WILL take the "character being reduced to a deadly weapon by their love interest and liking it" trope to its most literal. Augh.) usually i see those kinds of major lines that i spend a whole scene's worth leading up to coming. I Did Not See This Coming.

man there's more but im putting a readmore in for the sake of everyone's sanity.

"This is leaping off an edge and trusting the ocean to catch her - trusting Raleigh to catch her, and when the drift comes up to cradle her and her feet come down onto the contact pedals she feels like she could eat the world whole. It makes her want to split herself open, loving hands and cold steel and take back what the kaiju have taken from her, the blood they’ve spilt over her insides[...]"

i! love! mako mori!!!!! my best girl!!!! they say when you set out on a quest for revenge dig two graves they! underestimate! me!! when i wrote tempered steel (pacific rim/mako mori-centric) i was like oh i Get her. oh her spine is literally a sword. oh the kaiju took everything from her and she will take everything from them and she will not die trying because she is the hurricane. she will open herself up with her own hands (and raleigh's hands because they are her hands and hnnnggg drift compatibility...) and draw out every drop of blood the kaiju have left inside her and. just incredible stuff

"now[...m]eans after this, after the kitchen they'd painted together, after the car rides to work, after Nick-and-Jasper becomes just Nick, and a house with Jasper's name still on the mortgage."

sorry about the blood in your mouth (marvel, the first nickjasper i ever published. life comes full circle) is the oldest fic in this set but i still think about this line regularly. just. when you are a spy and your husband is a spy and it turns out he's been a traitor all along and you fell for it hook line and sinker. and you cannot let anyone else kill him because you need it to be you, because you have done the thing you never thought or let yourself do, you have built yourself a life with him and now. now you are just nick, now you are a half of a whole and his name will always be on your mortgage and your house will always be yours, both of yours, and. Man. 2020 me was on something fuckoff crazy (quarantine blues is what).

"Dying for each other might be romantic in all the stories but in real life, it just hurts. In real life, it just leaves someone behind. They already know that Jasper will walk unflinching to the edge and let himself fall, that Nick will claw his way right out of the grave just to catch him when he hits the ground. This time, it’s their goddamn story. This time, they’ll run and they’ll get out, hand in hand. This time, they’re going to fucking live."

the whole ending paragraph of say the word and i'm already there (marvel, sneaking into the garage after the divorce to pick up my nickjasper boxes and fleeing with them). i love to subvert tropes and saw that post about instead of i will die for you try i will live because of you, for you and i finally got to do it. i love dying-for-each-other as much as the next girl but also like...let's be serious here for a minute. let's be so real character death in mainstream media is so cheap nowadays. In Real Life It Just Hurts. this is such an i will write you a thousand happy endings moment i think i cried when i wrote it like....man i love jasper sitwell. i love him so fucking much. we've really had quite enough of self-sacrifice and death and all that in my opinion. the knowledge of mcu canon jasper's fate dogs every step of my damn life. it haunts me okay I Need Them To Live.

#from the inbox #potatoesandsunshine #this got soooo long LMFAOOO its just the excerpts. i just love to quote my own fic lol #there are two asks that my inbox ate. if u sent me one of these....it might be in the void. but pls try again i wanna do more of em lol #i will try not to take 1000000 years to answer them...

1 note · View note

flowerandthesongstress · 2 years ago

Text

TLDR: I have removed FatS from ao3. — I left the carcass in place. — If you wish to reread (and you're not swaddled in red flags, as in, you aren't an embodiment of one or more of the reasons why I deleted it in the first place), then just slide into my DMs. — Yes, my writing is free, always. I am not after monetizing my hobby. — It's not posted anywhere else, so if you see it online: 1) not me 2) please let me know.

The longer version is below. Contains negativity (duh doy).

*editing to add: if you plan on contacting me for the links to my writing, you are welcome to do so always, but PLEASE, prior to contacting me, first READ (not skim) the 'LONGER' VERSION of this explanation, including the links, just to understand what’s up and why is this. You have no obligation to do so, of course, but if you are not considerate enough to grant me even this small courtesy before messaging me, and if you — instead of just reading this, going ‘okay got it, and capitalism indeed sucks, bruh’, and then proceeding to send me a friendly message — yell at me, insult me, make demands and/or threaten me, or otherwise act like an entitled douchebag, then please be aware that you will not achieve the desired result (and I can’t believe that I need to spell it out... 😟 cheesus)

/end of edit

After giving it some extensive thought, I have removed FatS from ao3.

I left the carcass of the work in place because:

it is a gesture of convenience for the people whom I hope to see returning from hibernation.

hope is the deformed, attic-bound incest monster offspring of entitlement and fear a part of me still hopes that things will change, that the site will change (for starters, by acquiring a number of protective tools meant for authors, including optional tools to prevent mindless, empty consumption of ‘coNtEnt’; this is naive of me, I know...) or that my outlook will change and I will learn to give fewer forks and maybe then reupload it there in the future, to its original (pun not intended) location.

I was loath to delete all of the comments, so what remains is actually the epilogue page.

FatS already was plagiarized, so if it gets plagiarized again, or if someone reposts it under their name, especially for money, I'd have the aforementioned carcass in place, date-stamped, as some kind of tangible proof of authorship, and I wish I was being ridiculous or needlessly paranoid about it. I truly wish I was. I also wish that plagiarism was the only — or at least the main — reason for my catastrophic disillusionment. 🤦🏻‍♀️

As I've said before:

—this blog was not created as a promotion or anything of the sort, although the additional irony doesn't escape me. 😔

—I am not and never have been after monetizing my writing. Despite the fact that the writing of fiction is closely related to my academic field, it remains a personal hobby. Money and ambition are not why I write. And I certainly do not write to supply strangers with ‘content’ (I do not do ‘content’). I write to Process Things.

—I shared my writing in a communal creative space in search of communal support i.e. interactions with like-minded humans.

So yes, you can still read it, completely free. Always. All you have to do is not be an entitled consumer. And to address me directly. Human to human. My contacts are here.

Same with my newer stuff that I didn't share online in the first place. I have written seven novels since yeeting; four of them, I share beyond the circle of my irl friends and loved ones.

Just please don’t expect me to share any of those on ao3; I can't stress this enough.

I'm repeating this because I've already had a number of interactions in the vein of ‘I thought I'd wait until you change your mind’. I'm sorry, but it's been over two years, and I think by now it's pretty safe to say that it ain't happening. I have too much respect for myself and my writing. I can no longer stomach being treated like a machine on a content factory.

Art is not content. Being commodified is soul-crushing. I will never stop writing, but continuing to share my writing publicly feels like self-harm now. Or like willingly staying in an abusive relationship. Moreover, it feels like a passive show of support for the rotten system of empty consumption, a system I hate and would hate to promote via participation. And with the majority of my works being anticapitalist, and FatS outright stating what it states, with very little subtext..? Borders on an active one.

The only things I am more-or-less okay with sharing on that site nowadays are either gifts or request fills, or impersonal and half-assed works, or some outright goofing around, and they comprise no more than 5% of my writing overall.

For the rest, please slide into my DMs.

As to why I removed FatS...

The reasons for this decision are numerous, none of them are pleasant or my fault, some of them match the overall reasons why I no longer share most of my writing publicly, and one of these reasons reared its ugly head very recently and became the last straw, I guess.

None of these reasons are rooted in me being ashamed of this novel or thinking that it’s ‘bad writing’.

Firstly, when it comes to technicalities, my education allows me to determine what is and isn't ‘bad’ writing. But that doesn't really matter, because I like my writing either way, in sickness and in health, including the parts from when I was still in the process of switching languages, learning, loving adverbs way too much, possessing a vocabulary of an ardent tourist, and fumbling for ground all over again. Me liking my writing does not stem from self-absorption, hubris, or from believing that I'm some ‘god's gift to the world’ (I'm just okay), and I know my limitations and my faults too. This fondness stems from mercy and self-compassion, from choosing to forgive myself for having these faults in the first place, to cherish what I create, and to respect the mind and body and well-being of the person who created it. "Love this vessel while you’re aboard".

If someone treats my writing as a commodity, they are treating me as a commodity, because my stories and I are inseparable.

FatS in particular is a monument to a really good albeit really hard (immigration) period in our lives. This ‘monument’ is flawed and chipped and lopsided, yet I treasure it greatly which, yes, is also one of the reasons why I think it should not be on ao3/publicly available.

I'd rather keep it at home. I'd rather keep most of my stuff at home. This way, mindful and considerate people can still visit and look and poke it if they contact me and politely ask to be invited over, but vandals won't have the unrestricted freedom to stain it.

Yes, I am fully aware of every single psychological reason behind this outlook, and I know the reasons behind the reasons, and from there it's turtles all the way down.

And yes, of course I know of the internet archive's existence... Yes, of course I know that a word spoken is past recalling, especially online.

Just let me have this one, please.

Let me cling to the last sliver of this belief: that there are still people out there who would respect me and themselves enough to be kind and considerate and to extend their hand instead of oh you know; people mindful of the fact that I'm a human being with feelings, not a faceless coNtEnT-churning machine that beeps for their entertainment and should never beep out of line.

People who haven’t yet allowed capitalism to take over every single aspect of their lives and mindsets.

Friend-shaped people.

→back to the main page

#génération désenchantée #for direct linking only #yaoife and floridaman and their bff yuri!!!on land

1 note · View note

straycatboogie · 2 years ago

Text

2023/05/06 English

BGM: Masayoshi Yamazaki - パンを焼く

As usual, I put my memo pad from the pocket and start writing my ideas in English. And trying to read them in English by myself... I certainly get fear of thinking that these my memos might be just a nonsense or chaotic random. I can't see if these English "graffiti" can have a certain meaning by the eyes of native speakers. So I try to post the pic of it to Discord and MeWe. I want to make native speakers read it and say some comments. About this kind of problem, I get a sympathy with a philosopher, Wittgenstein. He was the person who had thought this communication's problem really deeply and kept on writing as his masterpieces. An enigma of communication, being delivered by my rough words... I can read them by myself and understand what I wrote. Wittgenstein had thought about that magical or radical potentials. I respect him.

A friend said to me as "quirky" about this memo. I googled and found that this is a word which describes a difficult thing. Any "strange" but "wonderful" things. Me, I think myself as really strange because I write English memo although it is not my mother tongue. It was just from an "instant idea" and that's all. Once I had written my memo in Japanese, but it had not suit for me therefore I couldn't keep on doing. But once I just thought I wanted to write my ideas in English, and tried to do so. Then, it fit me so I keep on doing that until now. Through a test which checks my autism, I was said that my skill of writing and reading words is high. That is the key of this "quirky" activity. Yes, that is me so I keep on reading many, really many books every day, and from them I think about a lot of things. I even write my diary to let them out actually. But, then who is not a "quirky" person on this planet? Is this just an excuse of an autistic person?

Reading Twitter after a long time, I found an interesting tweet. It was about the fact of being an autistic person. Blaming many troubles or any difficulties of living this life to autism. Indeed, they are important trials. But if we stop our progresses by blaming them, we can't go anymore. How should we live on thinking autism as the things we already know and should overcome. Yes, I once had a period of thinking "I must be unhappy and miserable because of this autism, and everything is too late to change in a better way". But recently I am thinking that I must have some things to change this situation even if it is a hard precondition. As kinds of "some things", I learn English and read books. I won't stop keeping on learning every day. I heard Martin Luther had said as "even though this world would end tomorrow, I would plant apple trees onto this ground today". This quote is also famous in Japan. Indeed, we need to complain or vent, but our life is too short to complain only.

Today I worked early. The evening I thought I would enjoy my reading time elegantly as usual, but my mind didn't stay quiet. Many books attracted my mind. Reading Shinji Aoyama's diary with Augustus Pablo's music, or trying to listen to Debussy and Satie... Ah, what a free and loose life. Reading my diary by chance, I thought why I was this kind of bigmouth. Learning English makes me enjoy letting out my troth to this world. I find the pleasure of communication with friends from all over the world. I criticize that my bigmouth comes from that kind of worldwide communication. That gives me huge self-esteem. In other way, I say I am basically just a weak person but my skill of English hides that. Learning languages cures our souls. I feel that. I recommend you to get or gain great self-esteem by learning them.

#diary #english #learning #journal #tumblr diary #online diary

0 notes

baeddel · 3 years ago

Note

Please. Please can you tell me what a baeddel is and why people (terfs?) used it in a derogatory manner on this website for a hot minute but now no one ever uses it at all

you asked for it, fucker

[2k words; philology and drama]

baeddel is an Old English word. i have no idea where it actually occurs in the Old English written corpus, but it occurs in a few placenames. its diminuitive form, baedling, is much better documented. it appears in the (untranslated) Canons of Theodore, a penitential handbook, a sort of guidebook for priests offering advice on what penances should be recommended for which sins. in a passage devoted to sexual transgressions it gives the penances suggested for a man who sleeps with a woman, a man who sleeps with another man, and then a man who sleeps with a baedling. so you have this construction of a baedling as something other than a man or a woman. and then it gives the penance for a baedling who sleeps with another baedling (a ludicrous one-year fast). then, by way of an explaination, Theodore delivers us one of the most enigmatic phrases in the Old English corpus: "for she is soft, like an adulturess."

the -ling suffix in baedling is masculine. but Theodore uses feminine pronouns and suffixes to describe baedlings. as we said, it's also used separately from male and female. but it's also used separately from their words for intersex and it never appears in this context. all of this means that you have this word that denotes a subject who is, as Christopher Monk put it, "of problematic gender." interested historians have typically interpreted it as referring to some category of homosexual male, such as Wayne R. Dines in his two-volume Encyclopedia of Homosexuality who discusses it in the context of an Old English glossary which works a bit like an Old English-Latin dictionary, giving Old English words and their Latin counterparts. the Latin words the Anglo-Saxon lexicographer chose to correspond with baedling were effeminatus and mollis, and Lang concludes that it refers to an "effeminate homosexual" (pg 60, Anglo Saxon). this same glossary gives as an Old English synonym the word waepenwifstere which literally means "woman with a penis," and which Dines gives the approximate translation (hold on tight) male wife.

R. D. Fulk, a philologist and medievalist, made a separate analysis of the term in his study on the Canons of Theodore 'Male Homoeroticism in the Old English Canons of Theodore', collected in Sex and Sexuality in Medieval England, 2004. he analysed it as a 'sexual category' (sexual as in sexuality), owing to the context of sexual transgressions in the Canons. he decides that it refers to a man who bottoms in sexual relationships with another man. i don't have the article on hand so i'm not sure what his reasoning was, but this seems obviously inadequate given what we know from the glossary described by Dines. Latin has a word for bottom, pathica, and the lexicographer did not use this in their translation, preferring words that emphasized the baedling's femininity like effeminatus, and doesn't address the sexual context at all. Dines, however, only reading this glossary, seems to decide that it refers to a type of male homosexual too hastily, considering the Canons explicitly treat them separately. both Dines and Fulk immediately reduce the baedling to a subcategory of homosexual when neither of the sources to hand actually do so themselves.

by now it should be obvious why, seven or so years ago, we interpreted it as an equivalent to trans woman. I mean come on - a woman with a penis! these days I tend to add a bit of a caution to this understanding, which is that trans woman is the translation of baedling which seems most adequate to us, just as baedling was the translation of effeminatus that seemed most adequate to our lexicographer. but the term cannot translate perfectly; its sense was derived from some minimal context; a legal context, a doctrinal context, and so forth... the way Anglo-Saxons understood sex/gender is complicated but it has been argued that they had a 'one sex model' and didn't regard men and women as biologically separate types, which is obviously quite different from the sexual model accepted today; in any case they didn't have access to the karyotype and so on. the basic categories they used to understand gender and sexuality were different from ours. in particular, Hirschfield et al. should be understood as a particularly revolutionary moment in the genealogy of transsexuality; the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft essentially invented the concept of the 'sex change', the 'transition', conceived as a biological passage from one sex to the other. even in other contexts where (forgive me) #girlslikeus changed their bodies in some way, like the castration of the priestesses of Cybele, or those belonging to the various historical societies which we believe used premarin for feminization [disputed; see this post], there is no record that they were ever considered men at any stage or had some kind of male biology that preceded their 'gender identity.' the concept of the trans woman requires the minimal context of the coercive assignment at birth and its subsequent (civil and bio-technological) rejection. i have never encountered evidence that this has ever been true in any previous society. nonetheless, these societies still had gendered relations, and essentially wherever we find these gendered relations we also find some subject which is omitted or for whom it has been necessary to note exceptions. what is of chief interest to us is not so much that there was such a subject here or there in history (and whatever propagandistic uses this fact might have), but understanding why these regularities exist.

a very parsimonious explanation is that gender is a biological reality, and there is some particular biological subject which a whole host of words have been conjured to denote. if this were the case then we would expect that, no matter what gender/sexual system we encounter in a given society, it will inevitably find some linguistic expression. if, like me, you find this idea revolting, then you should busy yourself trying to come up with an alternative explanation which is not just plausible, but more plausible. my best guesses are outside the scope of this answer...

anyway, all of this must be very interesting to the five or six people invested in the confluence of philology and gender studies. but why on earth did it become so widely used, in so many strange and unusual contexts, in the 2010s? we're very sorry, but yes, it's our fault. you see apart from all of this, there is also a little piece of information which goes along with the word baeddel, which is that it's the root of the Modern English word bad. by way of, no less, the word baedan, 'to defile'. how this defiled historical subject came to bear responsibility for everything bad to English-speakers doesn't seem to be known from linguistic evidence. however, it makes for a very pithy little remark on transmisogyny. my dear friend [REDACTED] made a playful little post making this point and, good Lord, had we only known...

it went like this. its such a funny little idea that we all start changing our urls to include the word baeddel. in those days it was common to make puns with your url (we always did halloween and christmas ones); i was baeddelaire, a play on the French poet Baudelaire. while we all still had these urls a series of events which everyone would like to forget happened, and we became Enemies of Everyone in the Whole World. because of the url thing people started to call us "the baeddels." then there was "a cult" called "the baeddels" and so forth. this cult had various infamies attatched to it and a constellation of indefensible political positions. ultimately we faced a metric fucking shit ton of harassment, including, for some of my friends, really serious and bad irl harassment that had long-term bad awful consequences relating to stable housing and physical safety and i basically never want to talk about that part of my life ever again. and i never have to, because i've come to realize that for most people, when they use the word baeddel, they don't know about that stuff. it doesn't mean that anymore.

so what does it mean? you'll see it in a few contexts. TERFs do use it, as you guessed. i am not quite sure what they really mean by it and how it differs from other TERF barbs. i think being a baeddel invovles being politically active or at least having a political consciousness, but in a way thats distinct from just any 'TRA' or trans activist. so perhaps 'militant' trans women, but perhaps also just any trans woman with any opinions at all. how this was transmitted from tumblr/west coast tranny drama to TERF vocabulary i have no idea. but you will also find - or, could have found a few years ago - i would say 'copycat' groups who didn't know us or what we believed but heard the rumours, and established their own (generously) organizations (usually facebook groups) dedicated to putting those principles into practice. they considered themselves trans lesbian separatists and did things like doxx and harass trans women who dated cafabs. if you don't know about this, yes, there really were such groups. they mostly collapsed and disappeared because they were evildoers who based their ideology on a caricature. i knew a black trans woman who was treated very badly by one of these groups, for predictable reasons. so long-time readers: if you see people talking about their bad experiences with 'baeddels', you can't necessarily relate it to the 2014 context and assume they're carrying around old baggage. there are other dreams in the nightmare.

the most common way you'll see it today, in my experience, is in this form: people will say that it was a "slur" for trans women. they might bring up that it's the root of the word bad, and they might even think that you shouldn't use the word bad because of it, or that you shouldn't use the word baeddel because it's a slur. all of this is a silly game of internet telephone and not worth addressing. except to say that it's by no means clear that baeddel, or baedling, were slurs, or even insulting at all. while Theodore doesn't provide us with a description of how we can have sex with a baedling without sinning, and it may be the case that any sexual relations with a baedling was considered sinful, sexuality-based transgressions were not taken all that seriously in those days. there was a period where homosexuality within the Church was almost sanctioned, and it wasn't until much later that homosexuality became so harshly proscribed, to the extent that it was thought to represent a threat to society, etc. and as i mentioned, there are places in England named after baedlings. there is a little parish near Kent which is called Badlesmere, Baeddel's Lake, which was recorded in the Anglo-Saxon Domesday Book (as having a lord, a handful of villagers and a few slaves; perhaps only one or two households). it's not unheard of, but i just don't know very many places called Faggot Town or some such. it's possible that baedlings had some role in Anglo-Saxon society which we are not aware of; it could even have been a prestigious one, as it was in other societies. there is just no evidence other than a couple of passing references in the literature and we'll probably never have a complete picture.

2K notes · View notes

arodabi · 4 years ago

Text

okay, i’m finally getting around to writing this, and uhh ill say its for aro week too. this is written as an aro person directed at alloromantic people. when i refer to writing, i’m kind of using it as a general term for creative works. Here’s me throwing my hat in on the question:

Can you ship aromantic characters?

and my answer is,,,,, actually a question. Why do you want to ship aromantic characters?

I want alloros to realize that for a lot of aros, we do not get to see ourselves represented often. I can actually count on like one hand how many popular canon aro characters there are, and on the whole, none of their identities are respected. people constantly try to weasel their way out of actually writing aro characters, or they just ignore or deny their identity outright. fandom spaces (hell creative spaces in general) are at best not welcoming to aros, and at worst actively hostile towards us. So when the first question brought up when a character gets canonically confirmed as aro is “okay cool but can i ship them???” or “that’s nice but how can i still write about my fave ship that involves them??” i want to fucking scream. its a slap to the face and it shows that people really do not give a shit about aros. you say stuff like that and all i hear is “my fictional ship is so much more important than representing your marginalized minority identity” so instead of me just sitting here and saying “yes you can totally ship aro characters, as long as you’re respectful!!!” i’m saying “can you stop and think why you want to shove an aro character into a romantic relationship at the first chance you get?? maybe you have some arophobia you haven’t worked on?? maybe since we live in an amatonormative world, you’re letting that influence your views??” because that question being the first thing out of your mouth when you see a character you like confirmed as aro? that’s already disrespectful towards aros in my book.

So back to my question, Why do you want to ship aromantic characters? is it because you can’t write characters without them being in romantic relationships? or because you think a character without a romantic relationship is boring? Because if so, that’s a bad reason and it sounds like amatonormativity is rotting your brain.

Is it because you just really like a ship with the aro character? Because you can write two characters with a strong relationship without writing them as a couple. A strong friendship can hold just as much power as a romantic relationship.

Is it because fuck aros, i will write what I wanna write and I don't wanna write this character with their canon identity? because then you’re just an arophobic asshole that needs to work on your shitty opinions. aro representation is just as important as any other lgbtqia+ representation.

Now if you’re reading this and thinking “well i heard aros can be in queerplatonic relationships!” I want you to think for a second. Are you writing a qpr or are you writing a romantic relationship with the serial numbers filed off? Have you talked to aro people or read stuff actually written by us? because, yes, some qprs can look a lot like a romantic relationship from the outside, but that’s just it, you’re looking at it from the outside. qprs are more than just “romantic relationship with extra steps”, and i think it’s really telling how many times i see alloromantic people saying they’re depicting an aro character in a qpr, not a romantic relationship, but then they never ever make any effort to distinguish the qpr from any other romantic relationship they write or draw. It just feels like qprs are getting used by alloros as a gatcha any time an aro person objects to how they depict (or don’t depict) aromanticism. if you want to write a character in a qpr then go for it! but you need to actually do research, talk to aros, get multiple opinions and not just take the first opinion that agrees with you and run with it.

“But what about headcanoning a character as arospec?” now i will say before i go into this, i am aro, not arospec, so if an arospec person wants to come in and correct me at any part here im happy to listen. but my problem when alloros bring up arospec identities is a very similar problem to how qprs are often depicted. I remember when Peridot Stevenuniverse got confirmed aro (she did, do not argue this with me) people were jumping over themselves to assure everyone that “a character getting confirmed as aro just means they are any arospec identity” which,, uhh,, not true? i mean if an arospec person wants to see a canon aro character as, say, aroflux, i’ve got no problem, aro and arospec people can do what they want really. but, i do have a problem with all the alloro fans who were spreading this. because, do you really see the character as demiromantic? or are you using that identity to deflect criticism from erasing aro identities? are you actually trying to write a good depiction of a demiro person? or are you just writing normal ship stuff and slapping a “uwu ive never felt romantic attraction until i met you! and now i will act exactly like any alloromantic person!” at the beginning? being in fandom spaces, i do see the occasional fic actually depicting an aspec identity (i say aspec her because aro is so rare that most of these examples i’ve seen have been acespec identities rather than arospec) but like 99% of the time, that’s written by someone who actually shares the identity. before you use our terms and identities to cover your ass when you erase us, consider not fucking doing that. consider listening to all aros and getting our thoughts and input.

And last here is “but what about romance positive aros?” now i think most of what i’ve said previously can be applied here. the only thing i wanna add is, i think its very interesting that almost every time i see non aros depict aros, they always write them as very into romance, very open to be in romantic relationships, and very quiet about their aro identity. despite the character in canon not showing any of these traits. romance positive aros are good and important, but not every aro is romance positive. there’s quite a few of us that are romance repulsed, and alloros only depicting aros as super romance positive no matter what is suspicious to say the least. if an aro character is shown to be open to participating in romantic activities in canon then of course write them that way. but if an aro character is shown to be uninterested in, or even actively against romantic activities then respect that too.

so, to wrap up my thoughts in this ramble: please ask yourself why you want to ship aro characters so bad, because if the only reason is that amatonormativity has brainwashed you into not being able to write, or draw, or do anything with a character without them being in a romantic relationship, then you uhhh need to work on that, that’s honestly a writing/creative flaw imo. if you like the relationship dynamic between an aro character and another character, consider making them friends. friendship is not less powerful than romantic relationships. nobody is ever too old for the power of friendship trope. If you’re erasing an aro character’s identity because fuck aros, then fuck off somewhere far away from me and work on your bullshit. qprs, arospec identities, and romance positive aros are all very real, very important parts of the aro community, but please talk to other aros about them and actually make an effort to understand how these things work, dont just assume. And also don’t use these things as a way to erase aro identities and cover your ass if get called out. its disrespectful towards all aros.

The most important thing to do before writing or creating work with aro characters is to talk to aros, and not just the aros that agree with you. look up what a qpr actually is, learn how aros experience their arospec identities, talk to aros with multiple outlooks on romance. and if you can’t bring yourself to reach out, at least read through our own writings, whether that’s fiction, or informational posts, fuck, look through our memes if u wanna. Just please actually make an effort.

So, Can you ship aro characters? its complicated. look at trends in your fandom, question why you want to, and do research. Be an aro ally, listen to us. That’s really the most important thing.

4K notes · View notes

rosesvioletshardy · 2 years ago

Text

Head Over Heels - B.F.

okay, I haven't written anything in a while, let alone something Top Gun related but Bob (and lewis lbr) have been on my mind since the movie came out even tho i didn't start posting anything related to top gun until after hockey was over

but anyways, here is my Bob fic for @jostystyles writing challenge with top tracks for her 2.6K follower celebration. I decided to choose the prompt from Tears for Fears song "Head over Heels" with Bob because I felt like it fit him

also i pretty much used the entire song because if you've read any of my other fics that involved songs, you know that's the only way i could write something

also, italics that aren't the song lyrics or aren't bolded are flashbacks

masterlist

bob floyd masterlist

warnings: none really, fluff, mentions of drinking (everyone is of age)

# of words: 2,872

I wanted to be with you alone

And talk about the weather

But traditions I can trace against the child in your face

Won't escape my attention

It was the fifth night in a row that Bob had seen you at The Hard Deck. Everyone on the Dagger Squad could tell that he was pining over you since the first night the two of you locked eyes. They just didn’t understand as to why it was taking him so long to get up and go talk to you.

Your friends had convinced you to go get drinks after the four of you had a hard night at work. At first you didn’t want to go because you knew that they only wanted to go to find you a guy. They all were either dating or married or engaged. You didn’t feel left out whenever they talked about their partners but you wanted someone to relate to.

“I’m just saying, you need to find someone quick. I know plenty of great guys” Tamara said as they set down their drink

“Shhh. don’t listen to them. The guys they know are the worst, remember Brent? 2 hours late to our date because he was fucking another girl” Ashley said while glancing at Tamara as they couldn’t argue back knowing that it was true that Brent was the worst

“Okay, I'm going to get more drinks. Does anyone want thirds?” you asked getting up as they all shook their heads no as you smiled and left to the bar

After asking the bartender currently working and getting your drink, you felt someone bump into you and spill their drink all over you

“I am so sorry ma’am. I really didn’t mean it and I promise you it was an accident-” the stranger had started to ramble as you shook your head

“No, no. it’s my fault i was looking at my phone and not paying attention” you tried to argue as you looked up and were met with the most beautiful eyes you had seen

“I really am sorry. This has never happened. Here, um, take my jacket. Your shirt is pretty see through by now.” he started as his eyes widened at what he just said

“I mean I was looking by the way, i just thought that-”

“Listen, it’s okay. This isn’t the first time it’s happened” you smiled at him as he smiled back and handed you his jacket as you gladly accepted

“I’m Bob” he told you as he held his hand out for you to shake it

“Y/N” you smiled taking his hand before you look over at your friends and see them signaling them for you to come back

“Listen Bob, it was really nice meeting you. I’ll get your jacket back soon” you told him

“Don’t worry about it, you can keep it. It was old anyways.” he managed to stutter out as the two of you smiled and walked back to your respective parties

Bob was soon snapped out of his daydream when Hangman slapped his back and leaned down to his now

“Now who are you staring at Bobby boy” he questioned as Bob took his eyes off you but it was too late

“No one.” he said while staring at his hand, trying his hardest to make sure he didn’t turn red

“Oh you’ve got a crush on her don’t you?” Hangman teased slapping his back even more before continuing

“Go to talk to her”

“I can’t- I mean i’ve only talked to her once and that’s when I spilled my water on her and-”

“Oh my god. That’s it, I'm going to talk to her, you’ve had your chance” Hangman joked before Bob quickly got out of his seat and walked his way over to you. As he was walking he was thinking of different ways to approach you and talk to you. It wasn’t until he reached over to you where he froze

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the guy who spilled his water on me” you joked taking a sip of your drink

“I’m still sorry about that.” Bob told her, already feeling the heat rise to his cheeks

“Like I said, don’t worry about it.” you smiled back at him

“Um, I was wondering if you’d like to get a drink, and maybe head outside. Just to talk” Bob said quickly, all in one breath as you smiled

“I’d like that” those words making him smile

As Bob got you another drink and put it on his tab, the two of you walked outside of the Hard Deck where there were a couple of chairs and tables. As Bob pulled the chair for you to sit on, you took his hand and dragged his hand over to the sand as the two of you sat down. Bob couldn’t help but stare at you more. The way your face shined from the lights surrounding the bar, the moonlight. He could tell that there was a lot going on in your mind but he didn’t want to intrude on anything you were thinking about. The features on your face and how quiet you were, he knew that something had to have happened in your past, but didn’t want to intrude in case it was something terrible. The two of you sat in silence before you spoke up, continuing to stare at the sea in front of you

“You know, you’re the first guy to actually offer me another piece of clothing after spilling something on me” you started

“I still have it. It’s in my car. I’ve been meaning to give it back but I haven’t seen you since that night, but I never saw you here whenever I came” you finished, turning your head to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know that.” he whispered knowing he did see her, but was always scared to approach her because he was afraid of rejection

“It’s fine. I’m really happy that happened, if I’m honest. Because then, I wouldn’t have met you” you smiled

“It’s really nice out here” he spoke up after clearing his throat, not knowing what to talk about

“I enjoy this weather. It’s the one time of the day where it’s not too hot, but it also isn’t too cold. Reminds me of home” you said as he nodded, understanding where you were coming from

“Do you miss it?” Bob asked as he moved a little closer to you and you put your head of his shoulder

“A little, but I think since I’ve met you, not so much.” you looked up at him as the two of you began to lean in. your lips almost touching, ghosting over each other before quickly pulling apart at the sound of someone yelling

“Bobby! C'mon, we’ve got to get back to base. It’s late” Hangman yelled at him as the two of you got up smirking at the WSO

“Um, I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it. Give me your phone and text or call whenever you want” you told him as he gave you his phone for you to put your number in

“See you later Bobby” you winked at him before kissing his cheek, causing his cheeks to redden and him lightly touch his cheeks where your lip were for a moment

You keep your distance with a system of touch

And gentle persuasion

I'm lost in admiration - could I need you this much?

Oh, you're wasting my time

You're just, just, just wasting time

Ever since the night on the beach with Bob, the two of you haven’t been that close with each other. Both of you were always scared to hold hands and whenever you wanted to kiss, someone or something was interrupting you. Keeping your distance within each other was bothering the two of you. He felt like you needed some sort of space from him but you did want him, something was just stopping you from wanting to hold his hand, not knowing if he would want to hold yours. There was that little voice in his head, screaming, telling him to ask you if you could hug him, kiss him, even hold his hand. It’s always been awkward handshakes or weird side hugs between the two of you and neither one of you wanted that anymore. Up until one night.

You and Bob had just come back from a movie and throughout the night he could remember what Hangman, Rooster, Coyote, Payback and Fanboy all told him.

“Listen, Bob. when you take a girl out for a movie, this is what you’re going to want to do. When it gets to a certain point in the movie, let’s say the couple kiss for the first time. You’re going to put your arm around her.” Rooster started

“But you’re going to want to do it slowly, don’t do it too fast” Payback added

“Okay, first Bob, don’t do that. You’re my friend but you’d be too awkward to do that, especially on the first date.” Phoenix added in, shaking her head at what her fellow pilots were saying

“Just be honest with her, say you want to hold her hand before you two arrive at the movie or whenever, and continue being a gentleman. I can tell she doesn’t want to be distant from you and neither do you. Remember, nothing could go wrong. You’re a great guy and she is lucky to be going out with you” she added giving her backseater and friend some confidence

----

During that night, Bob’s hands have been itching to be held in yours and he couldn’t find the confidence to ask you and neither could you. He couldn’t even pay attention throughout the movie and would glance over to you as you laughed, cried, and were invested in the movie.

“I really enjoyed tonight.” you told him as you both head back to your place, taking in the cool weather after being inside for a few hours.

“Same here.” he began, swallowing all his fears before asking you the question he’s been wanting to for a while

“Can I hold your hand?” he asked, stopping in his tracks as he looked at you making you smile

“Yeah” you smiled, taking his hand and lacing your fingers together.

The two of you silently walked back to your apartment which wasn’t too far from the theater. He let thoughts run wild in his head, about whether or not you truly liked him or just felt sorry for him after that one night. It wouldn’t be the first time someone wasted his time, getting flashbacks back in high school, where someone asked him out as a joke and wasted the entirety of his senior year, getting dumped and being told the truth the night of prom. He promised himself from that night forward that he would change who he was as a person and not be the quiet, awkward kid from North Carolina. He was so lost in thought that it began to worry you due his silence, but he just smiled at you after you had asked if he was alright. Bob had kissed you and bid you a goodnight as he waited until the door closed and that you were inside.

----

Something happens and I'm head over heels

I never find out 'till I'm head over heels

Something happens and I'm head over heels

Ah, don't take my heart, don't break my heart

Don't, don't, don't throw it away

You were consuming his thoughts. You were the only thing that was always on his mind. Everyone had started to notice it was getting to him. He wasn’t paying attention during the lessons, during the flight lessons, he was barely eating, he became more quiet than usual. It was concerning everyone on the team to the point where the commissioner and Maverick had decided that it was best to suspend Bob until he had his head on, that meant briefing Phoenix that she would be getting another backseater until then.

“What the hell, Floyd!?” she yelled, storming to where the rest of the team was sitting at the Hard Deck

“I’m sorry?” he asked her, not knowing what was going on, slightly terrified at her state

“What is going on here?” Fanboy asked at the same, confused just as everyone else

“Floyd here, can’t pay attention because a girl is constantly on his mind and now because of it, I get a new backseater until he gets his head screwed back on.” she explained

“Is it the girl from the bar?” Jake asked, more interested how Bob managed to get himself in a situation like this

“Yeah, it is. It’s like every time we go out together, i-i don’t know. My chest tightens, I feel like I’m a teenager all over again. I never know what to say and if I do I feel like it’s going to be the wrong thing or she thinks I’m going to be this weirdo-”

“BOB!” Rooster yelled to get his attention as the WSO started to panic about his feelings and try to calm him down.

“This girl. I can see that she likes you a lot. My mom used to show me pictures and videos of my dad giving her the same look that she gives to you and from what I can remember as a child. I promise you that you’re not weird and it’s okay to feel like this sometimes. You care about her, and you really like this girl”

“I just don’t want to ruin anything”

“You’re not going to ruin anything” Payback added as everyone agreed

“Just tell her how you feel. You won’t ruin anything between the two of you” Rooster assured him as he grabbed his shoulders to calm Bob down.

----

And this is my four-leaf clover

I’m on the line, one open mind

This is my four-leaf clover

As Bob left the Hard Deck, he began to think about everything his team had told him. As he was thinking, he was overestimating himself, but he didn’t know that. He never noticed all the small glances you would throw to him, how you would smile every time he talked about things he enjoyed or the sorrowful look you’d give whenever he was trying to open up about things that he never told anyone else. That’s one of the things he loved about you. He knew that you could never use anything against him and how you would take everything he’s told you to the grave. He would do the same for you. In your entire life, you had never met someone who was like Bob. There were many ways to describe him and how you couldn’t just choose one. Everyone knew him and considered him to be the quiet one, but when he was with you he could never stop talking whether it would be about a show he recently watched or something that happened during training that he thought was funny that he can somewhat relate to from when he was back home on the farm with his family.

Just when he was about to walk up to your front door, it had just begun to rain. Cursing silently, he ignored it and continued up your walkway and knocked quickly at your door interrupting you from your show. Opening your door, what you didn’t expect was to find one Bob Floyd at your steps in the pouring rain.

“Bobby, what the hell? Get inside! You’re going to get sick!” you exclaimed, moving out of the way so he could get inside. He just shook his head and began to pour out his feelings

“Y/N, I know we’ve been going out for barely a month, but I have fallen madly in love with you. Something’s happened over these past couple weeks since that night I spilled my water on you and you’ve just consumed all my thoughts. Every single day, all of our dates, you, your voice, it’s running through my head.” he started before taking a deep breath and continuing “Something’s happened and I’ve fallen head over heels for you and I’m in love with you. I didn’t realize it until I was sure, and now I’m sure.” he finished as you stood there quiet, shocked even before giving him a smile

“Did you just quote Tears for Fears to me to confess everything?” you smiled walking out to stand out in the rain with him, not caring if you get sick

“Yeah, I guess I did” he laughed

“Well then. Robert Floyd, I guess something happened, and I fell head over heels for you too.” you told him as he let out a small laugh once again while smiling

“I love you too.” you finished as you wrapped your arms around his neck while he wrapped his around your waist before giving you a kiss.

Pulling away, you could see a familiar bronco pull up with cheers erupting from it causing you and Bob to pull away and laugh before looking at him once again and kissing him, causing the cheers to get louder and Bob flipping them all off.

#bob floyd x reader #bob floyd imagine #robert floyd x reader #robert floyd imagine #bob floyd #robert floyd #bob floyd fluff #robert floyd fluff #bob floyd fanfiction #bob floyd fic #robert floyd fanfiction #robert floyd fic #lewis pullman #top gun: maverick

134 notes · View notes