#now that i'm actually working towards what i need
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Hi, devout Christian here! You're absolutely right.
The whole problem with modern Christianity as a practice is that using it is a source of moral superiority is literally antithetical to the concept. It's not some insular in-group that immediately makes you better than everyone else, the whole point is that it's better to never have known than to know and still fail."
It's like learning that you have spinach in your teeth. No one could blame you before you were told, but now that you know, it's a conscious decision not to pick it out and you can be faulted for that.
God basically goes "I'll let you into heaven if you accept this mirror and a toothpick. I'll even help you pick it out, but you have to want it." And then you get more mirrors and more toothpicks forever, and it never stops. It's a personal progression towards holiness, and the onus is on you not on others.
Like that's why the moral superiority thing doesn't make any sense, because you should feel like you're worse for knowing and still not doing. Jesus even said directly not to laugh at other people's spinach in their teeth when you've still got a whole ass carrot wrapped around your incisor, but we still have people killing those they deem inferior for not being "God's chosen" or whatever the hell.
Anyway what I'm saying is Christians need to be taken down a peg, so you go girl (I mean a-theists)
(and no, it's not as toxic as I'm making it sound, it's actually decent if you actually confront yourself about it and it makes your life just infinitely better as a result, but it all stems from "I suck and God still loves me, why can't I love others who also suck but comparatively less cause they don't know"
and yes I suck too, don't @ me about my video game addiction and the countless other things. It's a good thing the fact that God loves me overwrites my self-worth otherwise it would be in shambles rn lmao
[like that's kinda how it works, you learn you suck, but you know for a fact that God loves you anyway and unconditionally so you end up with unshakable self-esteem and less shame than you did before despite knowing about even more of your faults than you knew before])
We need the obnoxious atheists back. I know they engineered their own destruction by being annoying and pretentious, but it has become apparent how essential to the ecosystem they were. The religious fanatics have become too bold without their natural predators. Jesus wojaks would have been torn to shreds in 2011.
#christposting#discourse#can you tell I'm a youth pastor#sidenote: that's why fundamentalists constantly feel like they're being persecuted by society#it's cause Christianity doesn't work when you're in power#hell Jesus literally said “don't build up things on this earth. build them in heaven instead” yet the Catholic Church exists and has power#more Christians need to actually be persecuted is what I'm saying#they need to remember that we're not superior for knowing#we're INFERIOR for knowing and still not doing
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Now I wanna know how Grim ranks the second years. Also I'm in pain from wisdom teeth removal
oh dear I have heard that really hurts, I hope you are ok!
The Great Grim's OFFICIAL Tier List: Take 2 (do not steal)
Riddle- 3/10. Grim likes Riddle a lot, but not in a "hench human should date him" sort of way. If Grim had the ability to understand dating beyond thinking it's cringe he would tell you he is concerned about how Riddle handles conflict and what that would mean for your relationship. He wants you to be with someone who will give you space to relax, and Rampaging Riddle isn't the best at that. Unfortunately, Grim isn't that articulate so he just says he thinks he's too short.
Ruggie- 6.5/10. Ruggie isn't someone Grim hates exactly? Sure you dating someone rich would be nice because then he could get better tuna, but the rich guys on this campus are kind of scary... the real problem with Ruggie is that he expects Grim to do his share of the work. And he isn't shy about how cute he thinks Grim's insistence that he is the one in charge, that stupid laugh will start haunting his dreams. At least the cooking is worth it.
Azul- 7/10. Grim knows he shouldn't trust Azul but he does sort of... look he likes what the sleazy Tako is selling alright? And once that sell starts turning towards a romantic relationship with you he will absolutely be a little shit trying to wing man for him with you. It's sort of pathetic watching how they interact, both of them are convinced they are outsmarting the other but really the only person who is winning here is you.
Jade- I am so happy for your ugly ass boyfriend/10. Grim would be very happy if Jade tripped and fell into a ditch somewhere. Unfortunately Jade is an eel so he would probably just swim out of it right back into your arms and fake cry about it. If he wasn't so scary he'd be a 0.
Floyd- 9/10. Grim and Floyd sort of get along? Or at least I think so, Floyd likes Grim and likes hanging out with him and Yuu. He's the most likely out of the octotrio to actually bribe Grim without some sort of trick or gimmick because he finds it funny to see just how many things the baby seal will eat. He misses a point because Grim doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of being perfect but that's ok, Floyd knows the truth c: (he's delulu)
Kalim- 9.5/10. Grim thinks Kalim is kind of stupid and keeps trying to feed him crackers, so he is a half point away from perfect but! Kalim has no problems spoiling Grim which is good enough for him. Most of the time, if he didn't have money Grim would have so many questions.
Jamil- 20/10. Jamil is cringey but he can cook. I think Grim probably would be happiest in the long run with the more "normal" guys and Jamil would probably end up being his favorite. He gets to eat good food, and while Jamil would still want him to work... work isn't something Jamil wants to govern his entire life so Grimmy would be very happy with Yuu's choice.
Silver- meh/10. I don't think Grim understands the appeal of someone like Silver tbh. If anything I think his blunt kuudere swagger scares the hoes, which includes Grim. Sure, Silver is pretty, but he also says some pretty fucking dumb things that make Grim wonder if he needs to be the smart one. Normally he'd love that but ah. He is starting to feel rather unqualified all of a sudden for some reason, are you sure you like this guy? What standard is he meeting exactly and can you maybe reconsider...
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Resurrected AU Ch. 1: Alliance
(read on AO3 here!) Warnings (for the fic in general, not necessarily this chapter): Graphic depictions of violence, strong language, general mature themes Chapter Summary: Scourge breaks into one of Eggman's bases in search of a secret weapon to defeat Sonic with, but what he ends up finding is much stranger and much scarier than he was expecting. Though…he finds a way to get some use out of it. Notes: it really took me like a thousand years to get this started huh. lol. well i wanted to at least get the first chapter out before the sonic au collision event fully started, so im happy to present the first chapter of resurrected au's fic!! god i hope yall like it LOLLL, this au means a whole lot to me.. it's become my favorite baby i wont lie. i will also admit that im a Little nervous to finally start posting my actual writing for sonic stuff; i'm pretty self-conscious abt it actually lmao. but hopefully yall end up enjoying how i write these guys. please be niceys idk how long it'll take me to dish out the rest of the chapters, but hopefully i can find the time and energy to get them out steadily!! thanks in advance for reading and thank u so much for ur support and enthusiasm <3
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It’s not every day that you get a juicy piece of info that could very well put the odds in your favor. That’s why Scourge was not gonna waste this opportunity.
He’d gotten word thanks to his incredible sleuthing skills [read: eavesdropping on strangers] that Eggman had a new base in the area and had apparently acquired a very powerful “secret weapon” of some sort. That was all he needed to know before deciding it was time to raid a base. After all, if he found that secret weapon? Sonic was toast.
It took a minute to actually find the damn place, but soon enough, Scourge was skidding to a stop at the treeline before what looked to be a large, dome-shaped structure with the patented Eggman symbol on it (or something that looked like it; Scourge figured it was close enough). He smirked, flipping his shades down over his eyes and speeding off towards the entrance.
As expected, badniks littered the area around the main entrance to the base. They looked a little funny, Scourge noted; they seemed a little more…high-tech than he was used to seeing. But, whatever–he figured it wouldn’t be an issue once they were busted to scraps.
… He did have a little trouble with these bots. Just a little. But it was no biggie, since he ended up finding a way inside before he could be overwhelmed. All’s well that ends well, he supposed.
The inside of this place was…confusing. So many twists and turns, rooms that led into other rooms, platforms that moved in weird directions…
“Doesn’t this place have a map?” Scourge grumbled to himself as he ran through the absolute maze of hallways.
After what seemed like forever, he finally came to what was clearly the main, central chamber of the base. There was a very complicated-looking keypad attached to it. Luckily, Scourge was very good at lockpicking.
Stepping back a bit, he hopped up and curled into a spindash before launching himself at the keypad. It took a bit of work, but before long, the whole thing was smashed to bits with sparks flying everywhere. Just as he’d hoped, the door opened once the keypad was destroyed. With a triumphant snicker, he unfurled and landed back on the floor before confidently waltzing into the chamber.
Inside looked pretty much as he expected it to–tubes and gadgets everywhere, lots of high-tech machinery that did Gaia-knows-what, lots of papers littered about several desks that clearly showed the work of an evil mastermind…
Yeah. Deffo an Egg-base.
“Now, where’s that weapon…” Scourge questioned aloud as he strolled through the room. He pulled out some drawers and rummaged around here and there, but he didn’t really find anything interesting so far. Surely this thing wasn’t hidden that well, right?
Just as he was starting to get frustrated, he came across a huge capsule of some kind right in the middle of the room. Pretty obvious, actually. He wasn’t that observant, but whatever. He raised his shades to where they were resting back in their place on his head before he rubbed his hands together with a huge, toothy grin. “That looks promising.”
Making his way to the door of the capsule, he tried to peek inside through the little window on the front of it. He couldn’t make anything out… He decided to just open it to get a look at what was inside, so he searched around for a switch of some kind that would do that for him. It didn’t take long, thankfully, and he quickly pressed the button down that would activate the door.
Smoke spewed out from the door as it opened, making Scourge cough a bit. He waved his hand to clear some of it out of his way as he impatiently waited for it to dissipate enough for him to see what he was in for.
This had to be some sort of cool gun. He knew it was. Some kinda laser shooter or something. Or maybe a bazooka. Oh–a cannon, even! He dearly hoped it was a cannon, actually. The smoke was almost fully cleared, so he leaned in excitedly to see what was inside…!
… It was…a guy. There was a guy in there.
“What the–?” Scourge furrowed his brow once he got a good look at the contents of the capsule. It was obviously a person–a jackal, it looked like? Definitely not a cannon. Who the hell was this? He looked rough, like he’d really been put through the wringer. His drip was cool, Scourge supposed, and the big, gnarly scar on the guy’s chest was pretty intimidating��
Mine’s still cooler, he thought to himself.
Suddenly, alarms sounded throughout the base. Scourge cursed under his breath as he looked over his shoulder. He turned back to the man in the capsule, making a quick decision–he’d snag him and take him with him. He probably had some idea of where the weapon was, so once he woke up, he’d just beat the information out of him if he wouldn’t give it up willingly.
Grabbing the jackal out of the capsule and slinging him over his shoulder, Scourge finally sped out back through the way he came. He was able to dodge any bots that tried to come after him thanks to his speed, and soon enough, he was outside and running through the trees of Mobius once again.
He ran until forest turned to jungle, and before long he was slowing to a stop once again in a small clearing where bits of light showed through the canopy up above. He rested the other man’s body down on a bed of moss near a small pond, figuring that’d be…somewhat comfortable, and he then took a seat on a fallen tree a few feet away.
It was only a matter of seconds before he began to tap his foot. What was he supposed to do now? Just sit there waiting for this guy to wake up? That could take hours… He didn’t have that kind of patience.
Deciding to take the initiative, Scourge stood and started walking over to the jackal, intending to just…lightly kick him until he woke up, or something. However, he didn’t get the chance.
A low, threatening growl could be heard rumbling from the stranger’s throat. Scourge stopped in his tracks once he heard it, then took a few paces back. How long had he been–?
One yellow eye opened to a squint, scanning the area before landing on Scourge. For some reason, the look the man was giving him made his skin crawl… Not that he was going to let him know that, though.
Instead, Scourge popped the collar of his jacket to regain his composure and puffed out his chest. “Took ya long enough,” he teased right off the bat. “I was startin’ to think you were dead.”
The jackal’s gaze lingered on him coldly for a few moments. However, he looked elsewhere when he began to speak. “... I should have been.”
That…wasn’t the response Scourge was expecting. The way he sank a bit betrayed his confusion. “... Wait, what?”
The man sat up, sort of startling Scourge into taking another step back. As he did so, he fully opened both of his eyes so that he could properly take in his surroundings. He was clearly ignoring the hedgehog beside him as he turned his head away, which didn’t really sit right with Scourge.
“Hey!” he barked. “I’m talkin’ to you!”
Giving no indication that he was listening, the man proceeded to rise to his feet, standing at his full height. Scourge sort of…shrank a little once he saw how actually tall this guy was. He knew jackals were generally bigger than hedgehogs, but this guy…
No, no, it was fine. No need to be afraid. He was still in charge here–this guy just didn’t know it!
With an annoyed sneer, Scourge dared to stomp a little closer. “Listen here, pal. If it weren’t for me, you woulda still been stuck in that base. I went outta my way to rescue you, got it? That means you owe me one. So, I’m gonna tell you how this is gonna go down, and you’re gonna–hrk!”
A clawed hand suddenly gripping his neck caused Scourge’s words to get caught in his throat… At least, that was part of it.
The jackal had snapped his head around to glare murderously at him as he grabbed him, which gave Scourge a very clear view of his face. He could see his one piercing yellow eye staring back at him…and he quickly noticed that the other eye had some kind of rock lodged into its socket. It was an eerie sight, and it definitely sent an intense chill up Scourge’s spine.
“You,” spat the jackal, voice deep and commanding, “do not control me.”
Unable to respond, Scourge just kind of…dangled there, hands gripping the other’s wrist as he kicked his legs a little. The expression he wore was enough of a response, though, so he was released after a moment of struggle. Once he was able to breathe and stand on his own again, he gasped for air and rubbed at his throat with an indignant look.
“What the hell?” he managed to say between coughs. “Who do you think you are, grabbin’ me like that?”
Turning away, the taller man didn’t bother to look at him as he replied. “I am Infinite,” he answered simply.
There was a pause as Scourge seemed to wait for him to say something else. When he didn’t, he furrowed his brow a little. “... Like, that’s your name, or…?”
The man–Infinite, apparently–seemed to hesitate, as if he was surprised that Scourge didn’t recognize him. One of his ears flicked.
“... I suppose enough time has passed that my name is no longer common knowledge,” he mused, half to himself. “Pity. I would have liked to think I made a bigger impact than that.”
Scourge watched as Infinite turned to fully face him again, making him subconsciously take a couple steps back. Man, this guy was kinda scary… Not that he couldn’t take him! He was just giving him the creeps, was all… Cyan eyes flicked to Infinite’s hands as he flexed his fingers.
“I will simply have to remind the world what true fear feels like,” he growled lowly, “and I suppose that starts with you.”
The rock embedded in Infinite’s eye began to glow as he summoned its power, and, to Scourge’s bewilderment, he began to lift off the ground and hover there. It was kind of scary, actually. The guy was floating. What the hell?
Then it hit him. The weapon Eggman had been hoarding wasn’t a gun or a cannon or anything like that. It was Infinite. He obviously held some sort of power that Eggman wanted to weaponize, and that must have been why he’d been locked up in that base… Things started clicking.
Despite Scourge expecting him to do… anything, really…Infinite proceeded to seize up in pain and let out an agonized yell. He suddenly collapsed to the ground, falling to his knees as he held himself up with one hand and gripped his head with the other. “W… What…?!”
Infinite’s hand moved from his head to his chest where the large scar marked him. When he felt nothing but the scar, he had a look of both anger and confusion on his face, which told Scourge that what just happened clearly wasn’t the plan.
… Interesting.
Scourge stood a little straighter once he was confident that this guy wasn’t about to explode or something, sticking his thumbs into his jacket pockets. “Aaaalright, Criss Angel. If you’re done with all that , I think it’s time we get down to business.”
While Infinite knelt there still trying to figure out what was going on, Scourge began to pace around him in a circle, smirking as he did so. “Look. Like I said before, I rescued you from that base, so you kinda owe me one. But–and hear me out on this one–I’m willin’ to come to a compromise.”
Infinite snapped out of his pained daze long enough to shoot another glare at Scourge as he came around to his front again. “Compromise?” he hissed.
Scourge nodded. “Yeah. So, listen–I didn’t get to introduce myself earlier.” He held up a thumb and pointed it at his own chest, teeth bared in some kind of nasty grin. “Name’s Scourge. If ya haven’t hearda me by now, then you’ve been livin’ under a rock.”
Infinite somehow doubted that this brat had left enough of a mark on the world that anybody off the street would know his name. Still, he let him continue.
“I wanna take out Sonic. I assume you know him, right? Well, I think you’re just the guy who can help me out with that. He’s gotten lucky so far, but I think with you backin’ me up, I’ll be able to finally give ‘em his just desserts.”
The name Sonic caused a spark of recognition to flash over Infinite’s good eye. His breathing began to steady. “... Sonic,” he repeated. “Yes, I am familiar with Sonic .”
The way Infinite said his name let Scourge know that there was some beef there, at least. This worked in his favor. “Good,” he said with a nod. “So we’re on the same page, then.”
He turned on his heel before stopping his walk, facing Infinite to speak to him directly. “Like I said, I want you to help me take him down. Easy, right? In exchange, though… I’ll help you out with whatever you want, too. I dunno if you knew this, but I’m basically just as strong and just as fast as that blue bastard. I could give anybody a run for their money if I felt like it.”
Narrowing his eye skeptically, Infinite mulled this over. He seemed to be recovering from the shock from before, and he stood back up onto his feet. It was evident from how long he took to respond that his mind was…elsewhere.
“... I see.” His tail swished behind him as he thought about his next words. “You are offering to aid me in whatever task I ask of you?”
“Cross my heart.”
Infinite gave a huff before crossing his arms. “... Fine. If you intend to uphold your end of this bargain, then I will do the same.”
Scourge smiled widely, his sharklike teeth almost glistening in what little sunlight was managing to poke through the canopy above them. This idiot. He had no idea that he had every intention of double-crossing him the first chance he got.
He held out his hand for a shake to seal the deal. “Glad to have ya aboard, Infinite.”
Infinite glanced down at the other’s hand before reaching forward and taking it, giving it a single shake. His grip was tight. “Let us make the most out of this partnership, shall we?”
… Infinite was not stupid. He instantly knew that Scourge was going to betray him. That overconfident fool was so transparent it almost made him sick.
But…he could also tell that he had some bite to his bark, even if it was just a little. He was seasoned enough as a soldier that he could see that. That meant he could get some use out of him before he pulled his own betrayal.
He no longer had the Phantom Ruby in his chest, and he was alive, and he had no idea why. If this green idiot could help him figure that out…then he’d play along for as long as he had to.
Either way, he was going to get answers. And once that was done? He was going to rip out Sonic’s miserable little throat.
☆
#resurrected au#sonic au#sonic au collision#sonic au collision 2024#sonic fanfic#fanfic#sth fanfic#this is so scaryyyyyyyyyyy but i said id do it so fuck it we ball
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hii sorry to bother you. i just wanted to request, if possible, a jaemin timestamp where he loves it when his girlfriend scratches his back? it started when he had an itch, and consistently goes to her now. ty, i rlly love your work <3
10:51 PM
na jaemin x reader
warnings: reader is called girlfriend, fluffy as hell
a/n: hi anon! never worry about bothering me, i'm practically begging for asks :)
“Baby?” you hear Jaemin mumble before an arm is thrown over your waist. Turning away from your phone, you twist in his hold. Tiredness fills his eyes, his lips set into that pout you’ve come to know so well.
“What’s wrong Jaem?” you ask. “I thought you were asleep.” You reach out to brush a stray hair out of his face.
He pouts more, if that’s even possible. “Can’t sleep,” he mumbles, twisting his face into the pillow in embarrassment. It’s quite endearing, if you’re being honest.
“I’m sorry,” you say, inching closer to him on the bed, offering a bit of comfort. “Is there anything I can do?” You know he has to be up early for work tomorrow and you don’t want him to lose his much needed rest.
The second you voice the question, he’s turning back toward you with a twinkle in his eye. “Can you scratch my back?”
He looks so much like a puppy at that moment. His hair tousled from the pillow, eyes wide and looking straight at you. From that moment, you know you’re doomed. “You have an itch once and my title goes from girlfriend to professional back scratcher,” you tease with an exaggerated roll of your eyes. “Roll over and take your shirt off,” you tell him.
Jaemin chooses to ignore your little jab and poke fun at your other statement instead. “I like it when you’re bossy,” he states, quirking an eyebrow suggestively. You simply sigh in response to his innuendo. He takes it as a sign to actually follow your directions.
In the meantime, you can’t help but admire your boyfriend’s physique. The muscles in his back ripple as he lifts the shirt over his head and adjusts himself once again on the bed. Before you can even start your task, he’s mocking you once again. “I can feel you staring.”
You roll your eyes for real this time. “Oh so I can’t admire my own boyfriend now?” He just hums in response as you begin to run your fingers over his back. Your nails scratch slightly against his skin and goosebumps begin to spread.
He lets out a little breathy sigh. “Thank you baby. I needed this.” You hum now, too immersed in your work to really respond. Your fingers continue to draw shapes along his back and his breathing starts to settle.
Minutes later, you pull your hand away, expecting a protest. When no sound meets your ears, you sit up to look at your boyfriend. He’s peacefully asleep, mouth parted slightly. The air from his breath fans over his face, blowing a few stray strands of hair around. You lean down and press a kiss to his forehead. “Goodnight Jaem,” you whisper, settling yourself back onto the bed.
#lu writes#nct dream#na jaemin#na jaemin x reader#na jaemin imagine#nct dream x reader#nct dream imagine#timestamp fic#asks#requests#anon
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Pretty much everything about this is accurate, except SSI is a federal program overseen by the Social Security administration along with SSDI. SSI is the much more restrictive one, and it's a nightmare. I don't qualify for SSDI because I've never worked. I've never been able to. I'm fucking disabled. And yet, instead of supporting people who have never been able to work, who are by definition more vulnerable than people who can, they fuck us extra hard, and they really like it.
Right now the maximum SSI payment for one person is $943 a month.
They expect you to live on $11,316 a year. That is well beneath the federal poverty level, and the federal poverty level is already ludicrously fucking low.
Because nobody can actually live on under a thousand dollars a month long-term while living alone, one inevitably ends up breaking the rules somehow. Whether that's having to create a fundraiser for medical expenses, someone giving you money to put towards home repairs, whatever, everybody winds up needing a chunk of money all at once, sometime. It's unsustainable, and if you are forced into it, it is an absolutely miserable way to live. It's the only way you can survive, but you can't really live. They deduct 100% of "unearned income" from your benefits, which is pretty much any money that does not come from a job. If your friend wants to cover a $70 bill for you, legally, they have to hand you $1013 to make up for the money Social Security will take away from you. Money from a job is only counted against you by 50%. If you make and sell things on an occasional basis, but if it isn't your official job, and you aren't doing it for a registered business, and you aren't yourself either a registered business or keeping records and filing taxes, and withholding taxes from yourself at a self-employed rate, they don't count it as earned income. It doesn't matter how fucking hard you worked to make that thing or do that thing. You didn't earn it. They have no interest in it letting anybody be self-sufficient while on their programs, let alone helping them. You either take what they give you and go fuck yourself, or you don't sign up at all and go fuck yourself, but with slightly less money and a lot more dignity. I wish to fuck I could afford to go off it. I don't know where the shit I would get over $900 a month, though. If I could do that, I wouldn't be fucking disabled.
Not to be a complete downer or trigger anybody, but I am pretty sure that the only way this ends is with me killing myself when I get old enough or sick enough to go into a care facility, because if that happens, the care facility gets all but $50 of my benefits. I get to keep that $50, though. So fucking generous.
By the way, if you are hospitalized for too long, they consider that as you getting room and board elsewhere, and they slash your benefits the entire duration of your stay. Never mind that you have a whole entire other house or apartment, and the bills don't stop coming just because you aren't there. They will fully fuck you.
They have restrictions on what kinds of belongings you can have, yes. They understand that people may have wedding or engagement rings, which are never counted against you, they understand that you may have jewelry with sentimental value that you inherited, they understand that you may have some items that you have a personal connection to. But because they don't want you hiding money by buying up jewelry, precious stones, valuable coins, that kind of thing, they don't like you having that kind of thing. If it isn't functional, and isn't a thing they could reasonably deem sentimental, they really, really want you to get rid of it.
You can't put money aside for an emergency fund unless it is under $2,000, which isn't likely to be enough to fix a major disaster.
If they would simply remove the penalty for being married, things would get a lot better really quickly for a lot of people. But who fights for that? Who actually shows up?
Where are the equal marriage rights people now? They put the chairs on the tables and turned out the lights the minute the outcome of Obergefell v. Hodges was announced, and all the attractive gays were photographed against their pride flag backdrops, tastefully kissing for the covers of newspapers and magazines. Everybody ran a victory lap, and instead of rallying behind those of us who weren't covered by the ruling, they sat down and planned their cute weddings.
They ditched us. I personally actually never saw a single word, in any magazine, or newspaper, or on any news show, about people like me, despite disabled queers being a very large part of the queer population.
I just want to live. I want to live a normal life with the same access to the same rights everybody else has. I want to be able to get married, so that my only legal marriage isn't one that ended really badly. I want to get married so that we have all of the protections that married people have, without having to draw up a bunch of paperwork that may not even be respected when it's needed. I want to be able to have hobbies, take classes, maybe have a job two days a week that doesn't functionally pay under minimum wage because the shit-sucking government takes half of what I make. I want to be able to save up for emergencies. I want to be able to take money from people legally when there is a crisis. I don't want to have to hold myself separate not just from the person that I love, but from entire areas of life that other people take for granted and which are denied to people like me. Not by making them illegal, no, you can pretty much do whatever you want while you're on SSI. They actually don't outright stop you from doing all that much. They just fucking hold it against you until you either knuckle under or quit the program.
This is why I didn't lose my shit at the results of the election. It was several days before I figured it out. And then I realized it just didn't feel new. Other people I know felt shocked and betrayed, other people I know simply didn't understand how this can happen, I've been used to people not giving a fuck about me for 15 years. Yes, this is going to be very bad for people like me, the upcoming shitstorm doesn't feel like as much of a change for me as it seems to for other people. And frankly, if they gutted Social Security completely and I lost my benefits, I would be absolutely terrified, but a huge part of me would just be relieved. And maybe if that happened, something that affects people on both sides of the political spectrum, people might finally start to care. I don't subscribe to the let it all burn thing, leaving harm reduction, and in doing the thing that has a chance to slow things down. That isn't my style and it makes me pretty queasy. But I have to say, I'm starting to understand.
I'm so fucking tired.
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Azris Winter Solstice Fic: Betting Like You Know the Odds
Decided to move the initial drop time of this in honor of @azrielappreciationweek ! I figured it actually fit today's prompt, "No Need For Poetry", pretty well despite not being initially made with that in mind.
Rating: Explicit
Chapters: 1/2
Word Count: TBA
Summary/Snippet:
"But, if you so choose to believe my display of weakness was entirely genuine, then perhaps a rematch is in order." Eris suggested to Nesta, his mouth twisting into a smile a bit different from his others of the night. Something less soft around the edges, less weighed down by inebriation.
"Well, then, one could argue that it would be just as unfair. You're a High Lord now, after all." Rhys pointed out. Eris' smile melted away naturally, and he reclined back in his spot, throwing a hand around the back of the sofa.
"Why don't we ask him what he thinks? Shadowsinger," Eris called, jutting his chin right towards where Azriel stood, wreathed in shadows. "What are the odds that you could hold up in a fight now that I'm a High Lord?"
Azriel stood rooted to the spot, as if he were in a nightmare. He stared directly at Eris' smoldering eyes. Eris stared back.
and tagging those who said they were interested! if you'd like to be tagged on future azris works, feel free to let me know!
@secret-third-thing, @the-darkestminds, @jules-writes-stories, @iftheshoef1tz
#azrielappreciationweek2024#azriel appreciation week#azriel appreciation week 2024#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#azriel spymaster#azriel fanfic#azris fanfiction#azriel x eris#eris vanserra#eris vanserra fanfic#my writing#my fic
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Finding Forgiveness (or, Text Barrages and Apology Dances)
Mini Meta-Musing #8
Forgiveness after a disagreement or an argument is such a simple yet complicated thing. In even the closest, most intimate relationships, it requires a great deal of trust and love. The person who caused the hurt must surrender some of their pride for the sake the loved one. They must also trust that it is safe to do so. The person who was hurt must be willing to let go of their anger or resentment, and open themselves up to the relationship again.
In the first episode of Season 2 of Good Omens, we are presented with two relationships in conflict. One uses words and words and more words... but there is no listening, no trust. The other settles the conflict with very few words at all. With a dance, in fact. Yet the trust and love there is deep and obvious.
The first is Nina and her partner Lindsay. Lindsay has assumed that Nina broke her trust by not calling when she was locked in the coffee shop with her phone out. Sure, the situation sounds a bit implausible... but Lindsay sends a barrage of accusatory texts before she knows any of the facts. As the days go by, we learn that not only is Lindsay controlling, but she also has no faith in her partner. She dumps words and accusations and guilt trips, never believing or listening or trusting, until finally breaking up with Nina in a resentment-filled text message.
After seeing that first deluge of text messages when Crowley restores power to the coffee shop, we are immediately shown a far different way to resolve conflict. The next scene is Crowley's melodramatic return to the bookshop. Aziraphale and Crowley have a lasting, deeply rooted relationship. Although some argue that they don't communicate enough, especially in this resolution, I propose that they have found a lovely and mature way to resolve serious conflicts.
Everytime I watch this scene, and see how intensely difficult it is for Crowley to accept doing this, I'm actually a little in awe. Crowley HATES DOING THIS DANCE!!! But as much as he hates humbling himself like this, he Loves Aziraphale MORE. It is far more important to him to fix their conflict quickly, be back on good terms, and help his Angel solve this Gabriel problem. Although his face looks fierce and his tone is irritated, his eyes never leave Azi's. I think they look a bit imploring. The apology is in his golden eyes.
" 'Kay?" is not just, "Are we okay now?" It's also a trust, a gift. "You understand how much I care about you, right? I really do accept how stubborn and thoughtless I was earlier, and you see that I'm very sorry, even though it's hard for me to say the words, yeh?"
Aziraphale is of course, deep down, just a bit of a bastard, so he does take a bit of a comeuppance in his "Very nice." Many of us read a bit more in that look... Crowley looks very elegant in that deep bow! Nonetheless, Azi is happy to be reconnected with his demon, and he eagerly engages with Crowley's brainstorming about their "tiny miracle."
They don't need to verbally process what the fight was about. They've had this fight before, in varying contexts, and they'll surely have it again. But they're working on it, each of them. They know each other's faults, and they love and forgive each other anyway.
I love these moments (in the above photo) after Jimbriel toddles down the stairs. Crowley has just scolded Jimbriel to stay inside. Meanwhile, behind him, Aziraphale steps in closer with an idea. Without even looking back, Crowley steps backwards into that familiar spot where he will be perfectly paired and facing his angel once he turns towards him. Like magnets. Like a couple who is completely synchronized, as long as they are open and trusting each other.
And the familiar excited exchange of ideas begins again!
Oh yes indeed... This is definitely An Old Married Couple (I wrote a meta on it!). They know how to communicate, how to trust each other, and how to forgive. At least as well as many of us do...!
And, although we don't really NEED to see it here, I'm including a gif of Crowley's Apology Dance. It's beautiful, it's graceful... Aw, heck, we all just LIKE to see it again!
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens meta#ineffable husbands#apology dance#forgiveness#crowley loves aziraphale#aziraphale loves crowley#to our world#wistfulnightingale
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緑 ──── KISS AND MAIE UP ; nishimura riki
SYNOPSIS: riki and reader make up after the argument over text but not only for the argument but also riki learns a little more about relationship PAIRING : idol riki x reader GENRE : fluffy, angst ; WC : 1,379
WARNINGS : to understand the plot better you need to read my riki boyfriend text smau which I have linked here and also all the way down. Not proofread thoroughly, english is not my first language. That's it I don't think there is anything sensitive they have some good talk about relationship.
AUTHORS NOTE : clearly my feminist didn't come over, but honestly to all the girls out there please choose a kind ask generous guy and don't be mother to any guy who takes everything from them I tried to put my message through this fic sorry not sorry if it offends anyone. I hope to make the mother wizard liz girls get it!!! DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this book are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
written in second person pov:
It's been two weeks since you have talked with Riki, one of the reasons was obviously you were upset with him but mainly because you don't know what to even talk about.
He has been sending flowers, food, and little gifts to apologize with a note saying he is sorry. Not only that but he is constantly sending you messages and voicemails. First it was explaining himself and apologizing but now it's all about him apologizing and asking to talk to you in person.
Today you finally thought of responding to him and meeting him because soon he has to prepare for their comeback, which also means there will be a tour announcement. You don't want him to go on without solving everything.
Walking towards the park you guys always meet since him being an idol wasn't an easy task to roam with his girlfriend everywhere. Thoughts have filled your brain that desires to turn around and run away but you kept your decision firm.
Walking towards the bench you guys usually sit you find him eagerly waiting because of his bouncing leg. “Hi” he turns his head and looks at you, soon standing up and nervously trying to stabilize himself.
“H-hi ___ you came hah I was waiting for you to arrive you know to talk and make up I know you wanted to talk and we talk but I wanted to talk so much” he shuts up as realized he was rumbling. “Sorry I am just nervous”.
“It's okay riki let's sit and talk please.” Soon you both sat while there was silence for a few seconds but he was the first one to break it. “___ I know it was my mistake,I said in the heat of the moment. I know it's just an excuse but please I'm genuinely sorry I didn't mean to say that.”
“Riki it's not only about part of me going to your company but also how you didn't understand why I took stand for jake, I explained to you but you didn't even once responded to that text or even mentioned it once, talking about me understanding your idol industry yeah sure I don't experience them I don't understand the same emotions but I have seen you guys working.
I always sat with you whenever you went through rough patches in your idol life. I tried my best to understand never backed away and how can I let someone disrespect Jake when all he was was being too comfortable with him.
Jake was clearly uncomfortable with her actions and he set the boundaries by dismissing her but then she went all defensive talking about how bad Jake was during practice hours so she is trying to help him. She isn't even your guy's choreographer and not only that also went too far saying Jake is acting too tough when all he did was speak for himself.
How can I let someone talk to him like that? I walked inside when she was talking in a disrespectful tone with him and all I did was hold her accountable for her actions and words. As soon as the manager called you and said I was being disrespectful you started giving me silent treatment even after Jake explained to you the whole situation you didn't approach me.
And even after understanding the whole situation you went ahead and said those words.” — you take a breath after letting out all the thoughts and emotions you had suppressed in the two weeks. “I know it was my fault soon after the text Jungwon hyung called everyone to talk about the matter and after discussing with them I realized my mistake and the things I said.
Before the discussion the manager told me Jake hyung did stand for himself and because you're not a part of the company you don't need to come over because of your disrespectful behavior. I knew and even defended you that you definitely did that because of some reason but as soon as the manager said I need to distance myself from you I went blank and felt angry and I just took that out of you even after Jake told me everything.
I was just angry about the situation and in the heat of the moment I thought if Jake did speak up for himself you didn't had to meddle in between which was my fault, I understand what you're coming from baby I was just furious from mangers words and I just took that on your I’m really sorry. I know that's my mistake and I swear I'm ready to do everything to make it right. I just don't want to lose you. I know it's pathetic and corny to say the sentence after doing wrong and all guys say the same thing but I mean it please I will do whatever you want me to.”
“Reflect on yourself then, reflect on your words and actions, it's not only about now it's about everytime we go through anything. I don't want a guy who acts tough and is emotionally unavailable when it's required. I want you to act mature when we have arguments and by that I don't mean you need to always be right or wrong I mean be a generous guy who understands the situation, who knows how to talk and knows how to communicate when it's required.
And it won't be achieved in the next day or the next moment. You need to work on yourself everyday, especially during every argument, it's not only about now but always. Do you understand what I'm saying?” — he quickly nods while looking at your hand and you nod, giving him permission to hold your hand.
“I know I'm definitely not the best guy and I love how mature you're ___ despite being the same age as me but I will try my best to understand your words and work on them, I know I am bad at some point of the relationship and that will never be an excuse to treat you bad but rather I will work of them I will understand situations before acting up. Just please hold my hand to guide me when we are in such situations.”
“I will riki but just know I'm not your mother who is raising a child, I will guide you depending upon the situation but you need to enhance your knowledge about relationship and how to make it work you're old enough to understand some aspects when things go wrong. I will guide you but I'm not your mother to stay emotionally strong through everything you do. I want a partner riki, not a baby.”
“Then lean on me as a partner and walk out when you need to play the role of mother. I don't want to act like a manchild or mommy's boy but as your beloved. Lean on me when we both know the direction and walk out when I push you forward to lead us on the path, lovely.”
Looking at you with teary eyes he asks “I know forgiveness isn't about the text but my behavior so it will take time and I want you to take time, but let's not break apart.” — he pleads with eyes filled with tears. “Who said we are breaking apart you dumb dumb of course not we will make it work” — you said while wiping his tears and hugging him while he breaks down in little sniffles.
“I was scared I thought you're going to break up after you stopped responding to me.” “Well that was because I wasn't mentally prepared to talk, you know.” “It's okay you're my precious so I am a little emotional.” “You sure it's little.” “Stop being mean, I will cry more.” — you laugh lightly at his whiny state while he still has his head in the crook of your neck. Soon after hugging for about ten minutes he pulls his head up and asks.
“So I can please kiss you.” “Well I don't think so.” “Sweetheart please please please.” “Sure you big baby.” — He quickly leans in while meeting your lips and locking them softly while he holds your hands tightly, silently promising himself to do better.
꩜ .ᐟ NOTE : haven't made my taglist yet so please ask in the reply to be added in my permanent taglist for more bangers,,, also I hope this doesn't turns out boring but people genuinely understand my point and for more context read part 1 here!!
꩜ .ᐟ TAGS: @taeminsboogers @mimisxs @nishimurarikisthings @avacelestepereira @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor
˙ . ꒷ 🍰 masterlist taglist. 𖦹˙—
࣪
#enhypen#enhypen fake texts#enhypen scenarios#enhypen texts#enhypen x female reader#enhypen x reader#enha fake texts#enha scenarios#enha headcanons#enha x reader#enha#enha imagines#enhypen x y/n#enhypen social media au#enhypen smau#enha smau#enhypen imagines#nishimura riki x reader#ni ki x reader#ni ki enhypen#nishimura riki#riki nishimura x reader#ni ki x you#ni ki scenarios#ni ki smau#ni ki fluff#ni ki imagines#imaluvsj7 work
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I’m scared I’ve been in this community for years and haven’t manifested a thing, what if I’ll never understand how to manifest or how to apply the law or if the law is real.
i normally don't answer questions where people vent to me about their circumstances, but i can't bring myself to delete this because i was in your shoes before.
i was putting so much effort into applying the law, i was reading so many books on the law, so many reddit posts, youtube videos. it was rough. i felt completely alone because i didn't know a lot of people that i could talk to about the law, and reading other people's success stories only made me feel worse. i know where you are coming from, anon.
the law is always working. i know it does not sound true right now, but i'm so serious. if i wasn't, then i wouldn't be running this blog in the first place. the law is always working, but people tend to forget this one key: you only get who you are, not what you want.
when you focus on lack, when you focus on trying too hard, when you focus on your doubts and your fears and your "what-ifs" and "buts," which method works, which method doesn't, validation that the law is working, how will it come, etc., then you will only ever see those things be translated to your thoughts, emotions, reactions, events, etc.
so yes, you did manifest. you did use the law, and yes it may be unintentional and you didn't mean to, but this is exactly what happened. you used the law, and you focused on struggle, you focused on not having manifested, you focused on the 3D being your source of validation. your 3D is feedback -- it's literally telling you that your focus should NOT be on this.
and i'm not saying this to blame you, anon, i'm saying this because the truth of the matter is that you are NOT an exception to the law. you ARE the law. i know it is a double-edged sword, but you have the choice to lean towards the side where you realize that this is actually a good thing. you have the free will to believe that you can take advantage of this ability that you have always had in you your whole life and use it for good.
you are meant to learn this truth. i promise you that this is not an accident, none of what i am saying to you is an accident. the 3D is feedback of your 4D, and here i am, giving you the feedback that you need to hear right now.
so here's what i want you to do:
stop seeking external validation. stop looking at success stories, stop looking for advice, stop seeking external guidance, stop all of it. i feel like you already know everything that you need to know. and more importantly, stop looking out at the outer world and believing that it is the final outcome. it's not. if you find yourself seeking it, stop it and tell yourself "i trust me. i trust the god-in-me. i know everything that i need to know already, so i can trust now." and this is where my second point comes in.
it's time to start trusting yourself, and not just your human self -- trust your divine self too. trust your higher self, inner self, god-in-you, universe, infinite intelligence whatever the hell you want to name it. you are not just your conscious mind, you are so much more than that. seth talks about this in his books. you are so incredible. your human mind is only one aspect of who you really are, and that is so amazing. you are infinity and beyond.
you are on your own journey. comparison is the thief of joy. stop focusing on other people and what they're doing. again, stop reading those success stories. delete social media if you have to.
if you need a break from the law, PLEASE take a break from it. you were never meant to struggle. you were never meant to try so hard. take that break and take care of yourself. do what you have to do to feel better, to feel good. it will be so worth it.
be kind to yourself. give yourself compassion because i have a hunch that you might not have been so kind to yourself about your journey. don't be so hard on yourself, again, you are on your own journey. if you mess up, it's not the end of the world. it's not permanent. you can always pick yourself back up.
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these days i'm playing the game of "am i tired from going to sleep later than usual for three nights in a row" or "is the androcur side-effects that quick to start hitting"
i better get used to this exhaustion soon or else i'll do nothing
#personal#ok i might do smt#like ask the endo#but for now#brain tired#head tired#eyes tired#i'm gonna be messing my 'were' with my 'where' a lot more#i'm not bitching btw#mentally i'm on cloud nine#now that i'm actually working towards what i need#just#i sleep and wake up tired#for now#ye#k bye
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katara couldn't sleep.
after several hours of tossing and turning in her bed, she groaned and sat up. she already knew what the source of the problem was- as her waterbending grew stronger, so too did her tie to the moon. when it was full, she could hardly sleep a wink. with a sigh, she quietly made her way towards the small servant's kitchens. she didn't think they would mind if she borrowed them to make herself some tea.
to her surprise, zuko was already there.
"katara?" zuko asked. "what are you doing here?"
"that feels like it should be my question," katara asked, "-are you making tea?"
zuko hummed in agreement, and asked if she would like some. she smiled and thanked him, taking a seat at the small table. watching him make tea felt strange- a little like she was watching lee again. he set a cup of herbal tea in front of her, then sat down next to her with his own cup.
they talked quietly for awhile, about nothing in particular. it was... strange, being on friendly terms with zuko. after ba sing se, she'd thought she'd never be able to forgive him- but it had been almost impossible for her to hold onto that anger after she'd learned what it had earned him. she'd ended up angrier at azula than anything. she'd used her brother, and then she'd gotten rid of him.
it helped that zuko was different now.
she guessed it made sense. she'd gotten rid of the false memories that had been implanted in his head, but he'd still spent two years living as a different person. and being a different person meant having a different view of the world- and the war. she didn't think they had to worry about zuko burning down villages anymore. the person who had emerged from that ordeal was... different.
if anything, she was starting to like him.
"so," she tilted her head, "-nervous about returning home?"
zuko blinked, looking up at her. his brow furrowed in confusion as he asked what she meant. he already was home.
katara felt a chill creep up her spine.
"zuko," she said, "-you're not going home until tomorrow. we're still in ba sing se."
"no," zuko frowned, "-i'm pretty sure i live here."
katara stared at him, and very quietly she asked zuko why he thought that. he blinked slowly at her, and asked why she thought he didn't. he... worked here, didn't he? he'd been invited to serve the earth king tea. he didn't say it with any of the confidence that lee ever had when he spoke of his life, like he wasn't sure about it.
"zuko," she said quietly, "-do you mind if i check your head for a moment?"
zuko didn't say anything. he suddenly didn't seem quite as... present, katara thought. she took that as permission anyways, drawing some water from the faucet and placing her hands over his head. she closed her eyes and concentrated-
-and instantly, she realized what the problem was.
zuko was sleeping.
she didn't mean metaphorically. zuko was literally asleep, despite what his open eyes and responsiveness to their earlier conversation might suggest.
spirits. zuko was sleepwalking.
...how long had he been sleepwalking?
no, more importantly. she had to get him back to bed. she smiled at him and agreed with him. yes, he did work here. which meant he had to get up early tomorrow morning. so he really needed to get some sleep. zuko stared at her for a few moments, before he agreed she was right. he let her guide him back to his room.
she stayed until she was sure he was actually asleep.
she'd ask around the palace the next morning. zuko had apparently been doing this for weeks, but none of the guards or servants who had spoken to him had realized that something was wrong. they'd just thought the fire prince was having trouble sleeping, just like she had. sokka even confessed that he'd had a midnight chat with zuko at one point too, but he hadn't noticed anything odd.
(he'd made him tea then too.)
when she asked zuko about it, he didn't remember a thing.
"agni," he muttered, "-i'm so fucked up."
"don't worry," katara promised him, "-i'm sure it's just because you're still in ba sing se. you'll get better once you go home."
...she hoped.
zuko's in the courtyard. he's got swords.
sokka is instantly worried. like. for a lot of reason. chief among them because before the whole... brainwashing thing, zuko's dedicated mission in life was hunting down and capturing the avatar. he hadn't shown any inclination to pick it back up after he'd gotten un-brainwashed, but...
"sokka," zuko doesn't even turn to look at him, "-i know you're there."
sokka stays still. he's bluffing. he's perfectly hidden in the bushes.
zuko points a sword in his general direction and tells him to get out of the bushes. okay. maybe he does know where he was. the not-looking but knowing where he is thing reminds him a little of toph, but zuko is apparently half blind. maybe that shouldn't be a surprise.
"okay, you caught me," sokka stands up, "-but the real question is... what are you doing?"
zuko just gives him a bland look. he's practicing, what does it look like? turns out his dao were in the jasmine dragon this whole time. it's been two years since he touched them. he's gotten rusty. he can't really firebend at the moment, so he figured now was a good time to pick them back up.
you know, sokka says. not to boast, but while you were off serving tea, he'd studied the blade himself. zuko rolls his eyes. yeah, i heard. you learned from piandao. something about losing your comet sword during the invasion and pleading with aang to search the ocean for it for you?
"first off," sokka says, "-it was a space sword. second off-"
he draws said sword. the pleading paid off. why don't we spar a little? swordbender to swordbender.
zuko briefly looks like he's thinking about killing him again. sokka doesn't mind. it's good for his recovery. then zuko just shrugs. sure. i could use the practice. you weren't the only one to study with piandao, though.
sokka readies himself. he's not worried. zuko hasn't picked up a sword in two years. how good could he be?
the answer? very.
okay. now he thinks he can understand how he'd broke aang out of pohuai stronghold with just swords. sokka sits up, and he swears zuko smirks as he sheathes his swords- but he also offers him a hand. sokka hauls himself up with it, dusting off the back of his pants. huh. guess that's why lan-wei wanted to convince you you were useless at swordplay.
"yeah, probably," zuko says, "-he wanted me to think i was defenseless. i'm pretty sure if you put dao in lee's hands, he wouldn't even be able to use them."
he looks at zuko. he asks what that's like, to have his own skills stolen from him like that. he shakes his head. he couldn't tell you. lee didn't even know what he was capable of. there's nothing to miss if you don't even know it's gone.
and that? that's scary.
"...i guess i should thank you," zuko says after a moment, "-for not just leaving me like that."
sokka shrugs it off. no problem. you weren't their friend or anything, but they couldn't just leave you like that. at the same time... he thinks lee had become their friend, at the end there. those last few days at the ember island villa felt like they'd roped a new friend into their little group. maybe it's why they'd all gone along with katara's crazy idea to let lee choose.
he missed him, just a little.
ah well. guess he'd have to just make do with zuko.
#lee from the tea shop#katara: also. worried that zuko doesn't seem any worse for wear in the morning. what *was* his sleep schedule like?#when katara asks him that. iroh laughs like he told her a joke. sleep schedule? his nephew?#katara: well that's concerning in and of itself#it's okay katara he had like. two solid years to catch up on his sleep
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#fishman island#ch644#i'm actually reading these chapters right now bc i know that fishman island is like.#a metaphor for racism and to some extent isolationism of communities#and how that allows for hatred to grow unchecked and hate is a very unproductive emotion#i dont think the hatred/dislike towards humans is entirely unprompted#i mean obviously we see how fishmen are treated above ground thats what sabaody is about#priming us for fishman island and the conflict here#since hody jones. you can see where his mindset comes from#and why he thinks that way. but at the end of the day he just wants mindless violence against the oppressive class#and that's just going to be unproductive and make things WORSE for EVERYONE#inb4 anyone says anything i am native american and have kinda sat with these feelings a lot#not about to go into my whole complicated feelings abt my own heritage here#that's what random posts on my main blog are for#but i also dont think otohime's idea of trying for peace without any violence was going to work either. not in the climate they were in#like its a very noble idea but at the end of the day... there does need to be some pushback but you have to target it in the right areas#like i think fisher tiger targeting the slave auctions is more of the direct action called for#and obviously people get caught in the crossfire on both sides.#but that is directed violence vs directionless violence ie what hody jones wants#its a bastardization of the cause to create more bloodshed than necessary. you know.#idk where i'm going with this anymore okay i'm gonna go back to queuing more sanjis
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I tried to mod something and the good news is, it didn't crash the game. 🥳 The bad news is, not what I was looking for lmao.
Like, don't get me wrong. I've seen way worse (the stuff of nightmares) on a modding channel I've been teaching myself this stuff lately, so. It's not like I completely fucked this thing up or anything like that.
It's just... I still gotta ask though.
What went wrong here?
#personal#my mods#(sort of kjdkd)#i was just lamenting this stuff on a fandom discord channel. saying i'm at my wits' end here and about to quit this shit#i tried following a tutorial on a modding channel and i got the whole thing working for the most part#he's sized correctly. animations seem to work. nothing is stretching apart from hair. the textures are all fucked up now but yeah#but because what i'm trying to do here is a little different than what that tutorial does#(they still keep pointing to that very same tutorial though)#it seems that either i did something wrong. maybe i skipped some important part?#(because one answer claimed if it's a model extracted from the same game it doesn't need to be rigged or weight-painted)#but then that video tutorial also says you need to separate some parts so that nothing's stretching etc.#which is obviously a thing that's happening above. that hair is in fact stretching. A LOT#i'm guessing because cloud and zack have different hair. so they must have different hair physics or something#but then. i also learned on that channel that zack doesn't have his own animations. because he's neither playable/non-playable#because he only appears in this one cutscene towards the end of the game. he has his own model and textures though#so i don't know whether that means he doesn't have his own physics either or...?#meaning i probably need to use another model's hair physics as well and somehow transfer them on zack's hair too or smth like that maybe#i don't know. i'm so confused#like i've put so much effort into this. so many retries already. i'm getting sick of the shaders input part actually lmao#and i'm so close but i'm stuck!#i tried asking for help on a modding channel but because my question didn't get answered in a couple of hours i chickened out and deleted i#and now i'm like i need help. i just don't know what i did wrong 🙈 i need strength and courage
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I have come up with a question.
Who I'd your favorite Genshin character and why?
By reading your fics I can't tell if it's zhongli or childe.
zhongli by leaps and bounds actually
i do love childe don't get me wrong; i just love zhongli far more
as for why, i wouldn't know how to word it in a way that wouldn't take me any less than writing CN took me LMAO the reason why you might think childe is up there among my favorites (he is, he's just not as close to the top as you might think) i'd assume is probably because of the fics, yes? but the thing about the fics is while i've already mentioned i'm not exactly projecting onto childe nor, god forbid, using him as a self-insert for the author – i am more or less of the opinion that the way childe would love zhongli in a story would more often than not align quite well with the way i myself love zhongli as a character. (which is why i find bgtea's eoos and jouicifer's npc so interesting) so like- the reason why childe is usually the main pov character for my zhongchi fics is because i get to write how much i love zhongli as a concept via the lens of a character who would also love him in a similar fashion; only i also get to spice it up with childe's own character quirks, bc i think he's fascinating as well, just in a different direction. that might be why i've yet to write a zhongli pov zhongchi: not as easy to write about how much i love the character's concept if he himself is the pov, and i feel like zhongli's way of loving childe as a concept wouldn't be able to fill a fic the same way it does the other way around. not that he doesn't love him! i just haven't figured out how to write that pov for that long yet. if you're curious, i'd have to say my current favorites list goes kind of like this: zhongli way ahead of all the others, then wriothesley and neuvillette around the same realm, then navia, then kuki, then baizhu, then childe, and then like- in no particular order, furina, clorinde, diluc, jean, qiqi, xiao, xingqiu, chongyun, beidou, fischl, thoma, ayato, layla, yanfei, yaoyao, dehya, shenhe and most of the others. also to the side there'd be alhaitham, separate from the list, bc i love him but i also detest him in a particular way. i guess pity him is a better word, watching how the fandom treats him feels like taking physical dmg. if you're thinking of a particular artist like an outlier you're probably wrong, but i'm not going to point fingers bc why would i do that. (i do have a handful of characters i dislike but in the spirit of not being an asshole i'm just not going to list them)
anyway- yeah that's pretty much it;; maybe one day i'll make a zhongli pov zhongchi and it'd be a bit clearer what i mean by that, but you know me, i don't control the inspiration ToT
#sorry this was such a long meandering answer lmao i just genuinely cannot articulate it without taking up actual hours#nor do i have the mental capacity to do it rn#anyway#thank you!!#ily <3#if you've read every good intention you might know what i mean by my odd relationship towards alhaitham#you might also know i don't read kavetham fics precisely bc i dislike the fandom's take on the entire ship – not the ship as a concept#so yeah#i've actually read far more zhongtham than i have kavetham/haikaveh and that's when you know i have read no kavetham#there's only like 40smth zhongtham works and half of them are lemon#i'm not saying there's no kavetham out there that i could like; i'm just saying i don't have the time nor the need to go pick and choose#like i like the ship but not that much#i'd much rather read wriolette and clorivia#god those are such good ships holy shit i love them so much#i'm rambling i'll stop now lol
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Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.
#you know how they say time makes you look on the past with nostalgia and that's why elderly people think so fondly of past decades? not me#there are moments I look back on with nostalgia sure but the overwhelming feeling of looking back on my childhood is just whatever I do#wherever I go whatever happens that will not be my life again. my memory is long I made a promise to myself I intend to keep I don't forget#support you having your grandkids if their mother is deemed unfit yes. take the older two myself if it comes to it yes. move provinces to#live with you to look after the five of them together where you would be my only adult connection and there's a language barrier and I have#no work history and I'd be between five hours and nine hours away from any other connection I have answer's an absolute fucking no. I've#seen how you are with my sister how you were with my brother. who do you think they call when they've had enough of you? do you not#remember most of the beatings I took was because I was standing between you and my brother? of course not because according to you you#never did beat me but if you think I'm not aware that would turn on me again the second I'm no longer distant and just visiting if you#think you'd find nothing to complain about because you've built up this golden child ideal of me in your head and want to forget how it was#when I was actually in your care you are very very wrong. I remember. I know that inconveniences a lot of people who want to forget#unpleasant things about themselves. me too to be honest I have memories I wish I could erase but I can't especially with regard to my#sister. I defended my brother but not her. not enough. and it's probably why I give so much to her now more than I should because it's#enabling but it is what it is I guess. I won't use my memories against anyone just for the sake of it but I absolutely fucking will#to protect myself or others. you want a redemption arc without admitting to anything? keep being patient and kind towards#your grandchildren even if you end up having to take them and if you can't do it for all five of them then accept that it's better for the#older two to be with me. that's it. those are your options: the older two are with me so you only have to look after the younger three or#you need to buckle down and learn from your past mistakes to look after the five of them and all that is *if it even comes to that* which#as things are it's not in danger of that! it was a regular fucking visit to monitor the situation that's all; they're not getting taken#literally every time she freaks out about something it's a 50/50 chance it's actually something or she's invented a completely#twisted version of events
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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