#now my mistakes are in 4k for everyone to view

[vitreouspositive]

you think he ever regrets taking dee with him?? thinks about the what if where he handled everything by himself and didn't have to witness d-16's fall (haha. fall...) and megatron's rise?

that is, before he reminds himself that he couldn't have done it without dee, and how at the end of the day, he would do it all over again, cannon shot and all, because he's not gonna take that choice away from his best friend. not when everything else was taken away from him...

[carbonfiction]

Dark Desires

older, best friends dad!Logan x reader

summary: a week ago you found yourself drunk texting your best friends dad; something that should've been a mistake, but you were sure in that drunken moment that Logan would know everything you'd kept from him all those years. You'd been thinking about it for longer than you'd care to admit; adding to the fantasy. so what happens when logan finally indulges you..

warnings: Swearing, dirty talk, F!Receiving oral, PIV smut, prone bone and missionary, Somnophilla (technically??), daddy kink, roleplay?? pussy sniffing?? Kind of voyeurism? But the person is very much asleep. Also tagging this for dubcon but it’s more pre established consent/free use and slight CNC vibes depending on how you view it? Tagged this the best i believe i can but ultimately you are responsible for your media consumption.

A/N: i don't know where this came from, other than i had a glass of wine and a naughty thought. i tried real hard on this and its a little darker than i usually write- not to mention longer- but i hope yall enjoy a filth filled piece of my intoxicated brain anyway. Et voilà.

Masterlist Words: little over 4k (oop- longest thing ive ever written.. i got carried away..)

Your heart is hammering away inside of your chest so insistently that it feels like your ribs are bruised and your breasts are trying to punch their way out of your dress.

You're still wearing the stupid thing and Laura is drinking another mimosa. Part of you is grateful for that. Yet while you want her drunk and snoring tonight, part of you can't help trying to stop her.

You make eye contact, give her the look. Tell her to slow down because you two have been down this road before. She gets wild, has fun for half an hour, and then spends the rest of the night dizzy in a bathroom asking deep philosophical questions like why do my eyes hurt? And why do guys suck? And do i still have puke in my hair?

But if she's drunk tonight, just enough to sleep like the dead, then what?

You set your own drink aside to check your phone for what feels like the hundredth time this hour and lift a shaky thumb to your texts.

You've read the thread again and again and again, and still you don't quite believe it. The party swirls around you. A hurricane of sound and the smell of cocktails is sour in your nose. You feel the heat of your friends, your fellow graduates. one day lawyers, doctors, professors, professionals in their field; and yet here you are reading over the texts again.

You feel like a little girl and yet simultaneously the most grown of women because you have a secret, a dirty little secret.

You were nearly as drunk as Laura is now when you sent the first text a week ago. You were celebrating the end of finals and you were curled up in bed after a long night out.

One of your other friends had flirted with the bartender. You'd told the girl to stop and Laura had reached from her stool and pinched your leg. Asking if you'd ever needed something so badly that you actually made a bad decision.

Everyone had laughed, all except you.

You know she was teasing and complimenting in the same breath. You're a good girl and everybody knows it. Reliable, honest and never involved with the wrong kind of guys.. Always a reason to why you were too busy to bother. You were studying, too busy hanging out with Laura. Too busy prepping for school, internships and the next two decades of your life.

You're no angel, although of course, no one was. You've had your share of regrettable hookups and disappointing boyfriends, but nothing that set your world alight. Nothing worth risking anything for.

But maybe what Laura had said thread under your skin more than you'd like to admit. Maybe you were just drunk enough to ignore the obvious risk.. Or was it that you'd been thinking about him for an indecently long amount of time?

So with finals over, diploma practically in hand. There was nothing preventing years of pent up lust from sending a jolt down between your legs, setting a crackling fire in your heart and making you sweat. Dripping down your neck, stomach, that spot on your lower back, they all tingled as you crouched on the corner of your bed and wrote a single text.

You: I need something.

You sent it. Had forced yourself to before you chickened out and immediately regretted it. You thought you'd worded it in such a way that you could play it off, pretend it didn't happen.

But you were sure in that drunken moment that Logan would read those three words and know everything you'd kept from him all those years. Every dirty thought, every horny fantasy, everything.

It was all right there in the text. 2am on a Thursday night and truly it could only mean one thing. You put the phone down, tried to make yourself go to sleep.

Logan was an older man with a life. A job, house and a child- your best friend- and you were sure he wouldn't even see the stupid thing until the morning when you could say you meant to message Laura. Not him, not her father. But then you picked up the phone again, half panicked and ready to change your mind, when you'd saw those little dots.

That meant he was writing something back, at 2am on a Thursday night, either in bed or his limo.

Logan: You need to go to sleep

Of course.. Responsible. That was the responsible thing to do. And you would do just that. But first you'd just write a quick text to apologize. Say it was the wrong number and sleep this off; pretend it didn't happen for the rest of your lives.

But.. what if, for once in your life, it could be easy? What if Logan did know everything? What if.. There was something else? Because that was how this all started, hadn't it?

You'd always felt something more, saw something different in his worn eyes, his gruff demeanor. Heard something he was saying when he really wasn't saying anything at all.

Or.. Was it all in your head? Was this only ever a one way infatuation? A young woman's crush, a dark fantasy that only grew darker with each new kink you discovered in yourself? Losing all confidence, you texted back.

You: sorry. Wrong number.

And that was that- or it should've been that- If it was only ever a one way street. You put the phone down, tried desperately to keep your eyes closed, but the moment you heard the phone buzz again you peek.

Logan: Is that true sweetheart?

Oh no, no. it wasn't true at all. You knew he knew exactly who'd texted and why; what you wanted him to do. You'd been thinking about it for years. Adding to the fantasy. Soaking your sheets in the middle of the night when you couldn't sleep, all that brought a temporary relief. If only for a little while; So, you text back.

You: No

Just that. A simple No.

Logan: You telling a lie?

You: Not exactly

Logan: So you wanted my attention then?

You: Wanted? No Logan.. Need.

And yes, you know need is a very strong word.

Logan: You feel very strongly about that huh? Strong feelings can be dangerous sweetheart.

You: what if i want something dangerous.

You answered back with the most honest thing you could say. And then there was a pause, a very long pause, in which you could see no dots, and even started to wonder if he'd abandoned you. Left you on read.

A thousand images erupted in your mind, different versions of him sitting and staring at your number- your words. Those cheap reading glasses perched on his nose as he wondered if this was some kind of game.

But if it was a game.. Logan was ready to play and after a few minutes your phone dings again.

Logan: you're being a real bad girl tonight, aren't you?

And then it wasn't your best friend's father you were texting. Well, it very much was- that was the crux of it, wasn't it? But now it was also the man. The man on the other side of the phone who was paying close attention.

You: Yes, daddy. very, very bad.

Now, In the darkness of his daughter's room, You imagine colors swirling on her ceiling. Your heart restless like a caged animal and there is a knot in your stomach twisting tighter and tighter by the second.

You don't know how long you've been lying here. 5 minutes or 5 hours. But you know you can't possibly wait another moment... But then you do, because you have to.

You haven't heard from Logan all day and that makes you afraid. Really genuinely afraid that He's forgotten or changed his mind.

Because, well, it's just you and Laura in here, isn't it? You're lying on the floor, a lumpy pillow under your head, and a spare, slightly musty blanket folded under your breasts.

Laura is snoring away in her bed, her limbs tangled with a stuffed animal almost the size of her- one you'd won her from a carnival. It was like old times, she slurred drunkenly. The three of you huddled together in her bed, giggling and watching some crappy reality show.

She'd tried to get you to join her and the animal in the bed, but you'd said no. Insisted that it was too hot tonight. That you'd rather be able to spread out on the floor. Fortunately, by the time you made it up to Laura's room, she was too far gone to argue.

Unfortunately, now though, there's a very drunk girl in her bed beside you, a possible witness to your depravity. And so you lie there, staring at the ceiling and forcing yourself not to text. Not to call. To just ignore the nagging doubt in your gut.

And yet again, you still find yourself opening the text thread. Reading through the things you told him, the things he'd told you. A formed plan and line after line of you promising things. All of the 'Yes, daddy I want this' the 'Please do that to me' The repetitive 'ill be a good girl, Promise' And then, at the very bottom, a safe word. It was when you'd agreed on the safe word that you knew this was for real. Not a fiction in a book or a fantasy playing out in a movie.

The word. Kitty. An inside joke from years ago. The word proof that all the little confidences and conversations held an attraction you were both willing to hide for the sake of decency

But.. you don't want to be decent anymore. You'd confided your fantasy, one that you had dreamt so many nights. Wished for it in the hot, comfortable haven of Laura's bed every time you'd stayed over. The thought of her older, attractively gruff father coming to you in the night and making you submit to his secret lust.

Of him pulling your panties to the side while Laura slept untroubled. Logan ravishing you while you whispered and mewled 'please, daddy, make me your filthy slut'

You've always been his filthy slut, haven't you? Deep In your heart. The thought is turning the wet spot between your legs into a soggen menace. You've been horny before, You've been needy before, but never like this- because you've never tried something like this.

Never wanted something badly enough to ask for it; or even beg for it. This was a dream, a dirty desire, a secret yearning never to be true.

Then you'd drunk texted. You told him and he'd responded, not with shock or disgust, but enthusiasm, cautious enthusiasm. But it was still only text messages. You haven't spoken to him yet, not properly at least. Even when you saw him walk in at the party, or in the limo on the way back to Laura's. You couldn't bring yourself to say a word. Your mouth was so dry, cheeks so hot. Laura had laughed and said you were flushed in the backseat- a lightweight to end all lightweights- when in fact you haven't had a drop to drink tonight.

You're going to throw your phone at the wall, you swear it. But No, that would probably wake her up. Instead, you conclude that you're going to find your pants, and you're going to leave this house and never come back. You love Laura but you can't bear it, can't believe you trusted him with this. You can't lie here and torment yourself about your decisions a minute longer about your need.

Then, your heart leaps into your throat. phone dropping onto your chest with a soft thud. Quickly you brush it off and turn onto your stomach. Your head hitting the pillow, eyes squeezed shut and pulse racing like you've run a marathon.

Through your closed eyelids, you see the glow of the hall light from the open door, only for it to vanish moments later. Either the door has closed or the light's been turned off, but you're not sure which because blood is racing so loudly in your ears. Breath escaping in overwhelming gasps.

Do you hear calculated heavy footsteps or is that your imagination? You struggle to listen for Laura. Is she awake or still sleeping? The tension so tight in your chest that you begin to feel dizzy, almost nauseous. Then comes the creak of the floor at the foot of your makeshift bed, the unmistakable presence of another person in the room, their eyes on you.

You can't stop your body from trembling slightly as the sheet is softly yanked away. Adrenaline courses through your veins, making your body buzz with anticipation.

Your legs are bare the cool air of Laura's bedroom. You're laying on your stomach. Face pushed into the pillow, eyes clenched shut as if you're locked into a deep, drunken sleep- like you should be.

Your legs are splayed out, dark lacey panties riding up the crevice of your ass. One of your ass cheek's indecently exposed... then a rough touch caresses over the swell of that exposed cheek, two big exploring hands, gliding over you.

You hear the grunt of a man, and you know it can only be Logan. He's the only other person home.

Your heart is beating so hard you're afraid you're going to pass out. Laura is on the bed, sleeping mere feet away, and her father is groping you in your supposed sleep.

So the question becomes: are you dreaming now? or are you praying this is as far as he'll go?

when Logan pull's the fabric of your panties to the side, you know he's willing to go much further. He's quiet in the darkness around you, but he's big and the house is old; the floor creaking and groaning as he readjust's his heavy weight.

Your panties are roughly hiked over one cheek of your ass, the sound of ripping lace filling your ears. Logan's hot breath roll's over your ass and the tremble in your limbs becomes a full shiver.

You can feel his scruffy face so close to your body, Feel his nose against the crevice of your ass as he roves lower. Dipping further until his mouth- his nose - is pressed into the folds of your bared cunt.

You hear how he inhales deeply, toes curling in response. Your fingers lay over Laura's spare pillow, the case tight in your grip. He's smelling you, nuzzling against your dampening skin not once, but many times. Lewdly breathing in your scent like a dog that's found something it likes.

His calloused hands spread you open so he can breathe deeper still and when hes as deep into your cunt as his face will allow, his wet tongue slides out to lick at you. You cannot stifle your moan at the feeling, immediately biting your lip to keep from growing any louder.

But with this the culmination of so many fevered late night fantasies, you dont know if you are dreaming.

His wide tongue laps at your swollen clit, swiping open the seam of your pussy and to the point just shy of your tighter hole. You hear logan growl into your wet slit like a monster unleashed from beneath the bed. Feeling how how his licks grow stronger, longer and twice as ravenous as he steadily turn your pussy into a drooling, dripping mess.

He laps at you in the quiet darkness of Laura's room, calculated and experienced as you fight to not to cry out. The pressure of an impending orgasm building so tight in your body that it feels time you woke up.

And so you take a deep breath, a rough gasped sound falling out too. Your fingers claw at the pillow as you flex your lower half.

"Hmm?"You grumble, pretending to bat away the cobwebs of sleep. "Wha-whats happening, What are you doing?" You ask, voice thick with mock confusion.

Within moments you feel Logan's tongue retreat from your pussy, a weight so much heavier than your own crawl over your half naked body. You feel him pressed tight against you, still clothed if the scratchy fabric tells you anything, but an unmistakable bulge is hidden inside. Hard and large against your ass you feel Logan's arm rub against your shoulder. A big hand sliding over your mouth.

"Quiet, sweetheart" he growls in your ear. "Daddy's had enough of your teasing"

Another large hand slides beneath your sleep shirt to cup your tender tits, The nipples diamond hard against Logan's palm. You cant help but moan into his hand as you plead.

"Please. Didn't mean to tease" its a wine, petulant in tone.

"Course you didnt.. Shame S' Too late now" he whispers against your ear, teeth biting into your earlobe. The hand on your breast trails down. Right the way down to his slacks.

"B-but Laura" You warn him in a whispered panic, hearing the sound of a zipper sliding down. you struggle teasingly, hips bucking back against him. Its not enough to cause a scene or enough to wake your sleeping friend- his sleeping daughter- but just enough to make him pin your body down. Enough for you to feel a fraction of his real strength.

Logan's muscles bulge from the effort of caging you against the floor and spreading your legs.

"Nuh uh, Stay still. Stay right where ive got you" he murmurs darkly in your ear, voice a low rumble. the words fire through you like liquid lightning as you bite into his palm, not to fight but to restrain a high pitched moan that you fear could wake the neighbors- not just Laura.

"nothing you can do now sweetheart, just gotta take it" Logan says and you hear the mocking smile in the words, feel the throb of his thick cock as it emerges from the confines of his pants. "Kept telling me you were a good girl, so show me"

With your stomach flat against the ground, legs spread wide beneath him, you can do nothing but tremble as his cock slips between your legs. The cock belonging to your best friend's father sliding deliciously across that little bundle of nerves that sparks a whimper of pleasure.

Your eyes roll back as Logans hips buck, cock brushing your clit again, running up and down your slit torturously slow. "fuuuck, you feel that? How hard you've got my cock?"

You're kicking your legs now, moving your hips. It could be viewed as a struggle but its not, not really, you're just so desperately excited you can't keep still.

"Don't need to fight me baby. Just let daddy in hm? let it happen sweetheart."

And then he's pushing inside your body in one heavy thrust; slow and impossibly deep. The weight of him inside your cunt making you mewl against his palm. All the years of secret yearning, wet fantasies and subtle flirtations have all led to this moment.

It doesn't take many thrusts before your tongue is rolling out of your mouth, licking wetly against his palm like a grateful dog- a bitch in heat. You try to use it to muffle the moan that follows, a pitiful sound mixed with pleasure, like you're ashamed to be in the situation.

Used and humiliated around logans cock.

Its push followed by retreat, a half thrust and then withdrawal over and over. "So fucking tight" Logan growls as you wiggle your ass, not certain if your trying to squirm further in to his grip or out.

He's stretching your walls apart, the burn of his size delicious with each heavy he offers. Each bringing a pulsing throb on your clit. "Yeaaaa, that's it, take it like a good girl.." he groans. "S' what you wanted isn't it."

Logans right, this is exactly what you wanted and more. His body trembles atop yours from the exertion, balls squeezed against your ass, his hand on and off clenching around your breast. His thrusts picking up in pace as you struggle and squirm to keep quiet even under his palm

"L-logan" you whimper as he pushes particularly deep, pussy squelching lewdly from your arousal, his hand barley muffling the word. He knows your close before you do, can feel your cunt clenching desperately.

"Getting fucked so good your gonna cum sweetheart?" he rasps in your ear, panting into it. "C'mon, tell daddy how good his cock feels."

"S-so good.. F-fuck yes daddy, please"

You whine and It is a struggle to pry his strong hand off your mouth to get the words out.

"Go on sweetheart. Cum, coat my fuckin cock. Show me this cute little pussy is mine"

and then his big hand clamps back over your lips as he begins to fuck you into the floor. Your orgasm crashes over you in burning waves. Every stroke becoming an ecstatic agony, overstimulation starting to buzz over your bones. Its a constant struggle to hold your moans and neither of you can move properly for the risk of waking Laura .

But Logans hips remain unrelenting, Fucking you prone on your friends floor. His balls swinging, swatting unbearably at your clit with every entry. The heat of him and being trapped against the floor is almost unbearable, but so is having to keep your whimpers quiet. sweat beads hot on your brow

you can hear his own desperate attempts at staying quiet. Broken only by muffled groans, grunts of exertion, and primal chesty growls as your cunt clenches wetly around him.

Yet the discomfort of overstimulation is no match for the absolute bliss of your submission. Your toes curling so hard you're on the verge of a cramp.

The friction between your clit, Logan's cock and the floor builds to an intolerable pressure. Something must give way. The temptation to lose all control and scream his name too great. Now that possibility of you blacking out is too dangerous to ignore. So you say it the word.

"Kitty!"

Not because you want to, but because in this moment you have to. Almost as soon as the word leaves your lips and sinks into the pillow, wet from saliva and tears, you feel his body shudder. muscles seizing while a heavy groan sounding out into the skin of your neck.

"you okay?" he pants softly worry creasing his brow. "Was it too much?"

Your wordless and it worries him. Making him pull back, cock slipping free with a hushed hiss as he helps you shift onto your back, so he can look at you properly.

Your hands rise, fingers caressing his scruffy cheeks. "M'okay" you pant, eyes on him. "wasn't too much. Promise."

No, in fact, It was just right- before it all overwhelmed you that is. Now? now you just want to hold him, make love to him. Hold onto something- someone that isn't really yours. Eye to eye, your mouth slides back over his, legs spread back open, ready to welcome his length back inside. Without a word you buck your hips down, beckoning him to fuck you again.

Things are much quieter this time. Pace slowed to deep grinds rather than shallow thrusts, pleasure once again coiling in your gut as you lean up to watch his cock disappear inside.

"Feel so good sweetheart, my good girl" he coos, lips against yours as his hand slips back to cup your breast. "My good girl with a fuckin perfect body"

You keep your eyes on logan, blissful smile across your face, and for this moment he's not your best friends father. Not with the way he's gazing down at you with a mixture of lust and long held affection. "always wanted you" he whispers, hand moving back from your breast to cup your cheek. "But I would have kept that secret forever.."

You squeeze him to your chest, heart stuttering at the admission as you lock your arms behind his neck, legs tight around logans waist. You whimper back his name, a plea on your tongue.

"Want you to cum logan.. Please, need to feel it"

You want it more than anything, to feel his cum pushed inside you; for it to drip out later as a downright filthy reminder. You kiss his neck, then cheek, and finally his lips. You want Logan to claim you right here on the floor, right under her nose and you know it makes you a bad friend. Your eyes roll back, hands clawing down his chest as you feel yourself giving up all thought to the rush that flows down the center of your body. The one that begins and ends in the wet, sticky place between your legs, Where the sensitive bud of your clit pulses like a dying star.

it's then he growls much too loud, and you respond back in a whimper, lips pressing tight as you cum together in panted kisses. Him pumping hot heady ropes of cum inside your cunt without reservation or regret as you clench in a vice grip around him.

Tomorrow you will be sore, you know it for a fact. But Tonight.. Tonight You can revel in a fantasy made flesh, your flesh and Logans wrapped around each tight. You drag weak fingers down through his damp hair, then his back, feeling the way his shirt is soaked through with sweat.

Logans panting has subsided by now, breaths no longer crackling besides your ear. He plants mouthy kisses at the juncture of your neck, ever so gently, like a sated wolf nuzzling at the muzzle of his mate. You giggle quietly as those kisses grow fiercer, teeth nipping at your neck.

"my good, great, naughty girl" he murmurs against your skin, voice soft. "you feeling okay sweetheart? sure it wasn't too much?"

You nod and he can feel the enthusiasm seep from the move as you grasp his face again. "Mhm, better than okay. Was perfect" you hum sleeplily, content in his hold, in the scent of him. Your eyes flutter, lashes tickling his cheeks as you kiss him long and deep, until the rub of his beard hurts your face and sleep begins to take you under.

You both know tonight was the culmination of so many fevered dreams. The breaking point of lust and its power that can't be fully expressed in words. So he holds you close- just as you do him in your rest- for a little while longer, until light begins to filter soft through the curtains and the reality of what you'd both done really begins to set in.

thats it!! lemme know what you thought anddddd yea! asks are always open to shoot the shit, drabbles and more! <333

[svmjaeyvn]

love maze, s.jy.

chapter eight pairing: jake x afab!reader word count: tbd (series)

masterlist

genre: college!au, mutual friends, fake dating, smut.

synopsis: an unfortunate encounter, drunken mistakes, and a sort of (definitely) stalker leads jake sim ‘dating’ his best friend’s childhood crush.

or, your life gets intertwined with a rich boy’s in attempt to not get sued by his crazy personal fangirl and like with all good cliches, sex overcomplicates things.

contents: smut, sort of strangers to fuck buddies to lovers pipeline, childhood best friend!jay, mentions of best friend! yunjin, curly haired & mixed reader, uni!au, rich nepo baby!jake, enha frat boys, lots of kissing, fake dating turning into fwb real quick, totally way too into it for it to be fake early on, big booty reader that’s jake’s obsessed with, partying and alcohol use, slight violence, he fell first and harder trope, stem bf & writer gf, (kinda overly) possessive jake, some angst to spice things up, daddy issues, hyper independent reader who struggles with her feelings, fluff and happy ending!!

a/n: hello~ i’ve never been a tumblr girly but i have went through my w*ttpad era back in 2018 so bare with me y’all. this will be a series but not that long (i hope) so pls look forward to it. warning tags will be placed before each “chapter” to specify what to expect. pls pls reblog and interact, i’d love to have feedback and see what your thoughts are. okay! yay, for now enjoy and thank you sm :D

MDNI, 18+

tap below to continue

CHAPTER EIGHT: BETS

previous masterlist next

word count: 4k

warnings: smut, oral (m&f rec), unprotected sex (kinda, readers on the pill), creampie (wrap it up!!!), praise, dirty talk, couple good girls thrown in, kinda public sex they’re fucking IN A TENT WITH EVERYONE ELSE 10 FEET AWAY, basically the whole chapters them having sex sooo

a/n: a little sex scene just for funzies 🤭

JAKE HAD A problem. A rather hard one that didn't seem to go away even with his night walk that he forced himself on in the chilly air. With it being the last night of your group vacation, he had been struggling with the lack of privacy the campgrounds held.

Any other circumstance he would've been fine, however, with seeing you in a tiny little bathing suit the past two days, the thin strings holding little to the imagination and almost seemed untrustworthy due to how your perky boobs bounced with each step and the cheeky bottoms showed off practically everything, skin glistening with your lovely tanned skin in the water and near all day view of your body, Jake was pent up to say the least.

It certainly didn't help that since you two have gone far past regular boundaries already, you opted to sleeping in a large shirt and cotton underwear as your preferred method most of the time was no underwear at all, but you figured to be polite, wearing some was the best choice. Each night Jake had laid next to you, the outline of your curves shown under the thin sheet as the humid air only left it comfortable enough for one. When you'd wake up in the morning, majority of the time the sheet had been tossed off most of your body, giving Jake a clear look at the roundness of you ass and thick thighs that peaked out beneath.

And tonight seemed to be the breaking point for him. After making his rounds in saying goodnight, he had led himself into the shared tent only to see you in his shirt, a sheepish smile on your lips as you turned to him, hair pulled up all messy and in the midst of cleansing your face.

"I got my other shirt dirty," You told him before he could question you upon it. "Let me wear it tonight, yeah? It's what a good boyfriend would do," You teased, a small pout upon your lips as you peered up at him with the tilt of your head.

Jake had no other option but to oblige. You sat so pretty in his shirt, the outline of your tits beneath the thin material more than enough to make him puddy in your hands and he had merely agreed to everything you said for the next thirty minutes until the lamp was turned off and you rolled over for bed.

You weren't dumb, you could see how Jake's demeanor changed, much more quipped and having a hard time actually looking you in the eyes. But still, the thought of doing anything with the other tents a mere 10 feet away, there was no way you'd go through with it. Thus when you rolled over, you truly intended to sleep for the night, a sigh of content leaving your lips only to be wide eyed and awake fifteen minutes later.

You had heard Jake exit the tent only to come back five minutes later, him muttering under his breath and proceeding to toss and turn. Assuming you had fallen asleep due to the steady rise and fall of your breathing, he had been doing his best to get comfortable but it was hard when his bulging tip was practically begging for attention, far too pent up to go away anytime soon.

Growing tired of the constant moving on his end, you rolled over, eyes immediately falling down to the obvious length that pushed against the material of his sweats, the words you intended to speak suddenly forgotten in the process. Your lips parted, not knowing what to say while Jake lets out a deep sigh.

"You mind helping me out?" He mumbles, voice raspier than usual as his hand begins to palm at his cock through the material of his pants. The lack of light made it hard to see, the small pile of wood left to burn out outside being only minimal dim illumination but you could see his blown out pupils and desperate eyes, airy breaths leaving his lips in the process.

"Everyone else can hear," You whisper, hesitant but you couldn't help the wetness that began to accumulate between your legs, clenching your thighs at the sight of Jake who seemed so eager and in need of your touch.

He shakes his head, reaching out to draw you closer. His lips captured your own, messily locking with enough force to indicate how pent up he felt. "We'll be quiet," He reassured against your lips.

A soft moan erupted from your throat muffled by his mouth against yours. The kiss turned sloppy, teeth clanking together as Jake guided one of your hands down to his crotch. His head fell back upon your hand wrapping around his length through the sweats, a breathy sigh of content coming from him.

All clear judgment had been thrown out the window, you obliging to his word without hesitation and your hand momentarily left his cock to hook your fingers along the waistband of his pants. In a swift motion and the lift of his hips, you pulled the restricting clothing down in one movement, his boxers dragged along with it leaving his hardened dick to slap against his stomach.

Your eyes slightly widened at the sight. Although you had hooked up once, Jake was more focused on getting you off that night, not allowing for you to have a proper glimpse of his full length until now. You had definitely felt how big it was, but now having your hands wrapped around the girthy base it seemed impossible for you to even take.

Placing small peppering kisses around his thighs, each growing closer to his length as your hand slowly pumped up and down his shaft, you smile upon Jake's whiny moans that quietly filled the air between you. Your tongue licked up from his base all the way to the tip, kitten licks along his reddened head before your lips wrapped around him. Starting off slow, you began to adjust to the size, ensuring to keep your teeth out of the way as you bobbed up and down, taking in more and more of his cock each time while one of your hands stroked the remaining length.

Pulling away momentarily, you allowed your hands to do the work while taking in a deep breath in prep. Your eyes flickered up to meet Jake's, his brows pinched together as he attempted to stay quiet, the gaze one that cause you to smile, content with the obvious way you made him feel good.

"What're you smiling about?" Jake huffs out, hand going behind your head to pull you back down his cock. This time, however, you hallowed out your cheeks, full trust in your usual lack of a gag reflex and taking his entire length down your throat, holding it at his base while you feel his cock twitch at the new sensation of your mouth. "Fuck," Jake hissed out, his hand holding a fistful of your hair as his hips bucked further down your throat. "Such a good girl, so good with your mouth," He rambled on, eyes rolling back in pleasure as you began to bob up and down, nearly having his full shaft in your mouth.

Growing needy, Jake took advantage of the opportunity. Fucking his dick into your mouth, his hips moved up and down at a continuous pace, the wet sounds of your saliva heard and beginning to pool around his crotch. Your eyes shut at the up and down, doing your best to keep your jaw unhinged but as he suddenly stopped, pushing your head all the way down as far he it would go, you tapped his thigh feeling a gag erupt from your throat.

Jake pulled away, allowing you to let out a cough as you caught your breath. "I'm sorry, I’m sorry, you're doing so well pretty girl," He praised, thumb wiping away the spit that accumulated at your chin.

"Asshole," You huff, blinking away the few tears that pooled at the corner of your eyes. He let out a chuckle, gently pushing your hair from your face and pulling it into a makeshift ponytail.

"You're okay baby," Jake coos guiding your mouth back to his cock with a teasing smile. You roll your eyes but comply, the smug expression wiped off his face as soon as your lips were wrapped around him once more. With his jaw falling slack and eyes pinching closed, you felt a certain boost of confidence, proud of how good you made him feel. "Fuuuck," He drawled out, seemingly confirming your thoughts with a whiney gasp hitching in the back of his throat as you peer up at him, cock still in your mouth and pretty eyes locked on him. "Fuck, you feel so good baby, pretty little mouth takes me so well,"

You felt hit dick twitch as it reached the back of your throat, your hand and mouth simultaneously bobbing up and down along his shaft which seemed to be more than enough to cause Jake to squirm beneath you. Quickly pulling you away from the grip he still held on your hair, a breathy laugh left his lips as he leaned back.

"What?" You asked innocently, lips pouted together and slightly swollen. He shakes his head, you knowing fully well the answer to your own question but he instead pulls you up to him, barely allowing for you to wipe away the excess spit from your mouth before his lips locked with yours once more. The kiss caught you by surprise. The hot open mouthed pecks trailed down from your mouth to your neck, only pulling away to push up his shirt from your body and reconnect his lips to your hardened nipples.

One of his hands rolled the bud between his fingers, providing it some attention while his mouth sucked on the other. His other hand trailed down to your thighs, softly nudging your legs open with minimal effort and his fingers found way to your underwear, a low hum erupting from his throat feeling the wet spot through the material.

"Jae," You mewl, bottom lip tucked between your teeth in attempt to stay quiet. Slowly pulling the cotton of your panties down at a pace that seemed excruciating long, Jake smiled seeing at how you bucked your hips, desperate for some form of friction against your swollen cunt. "Please,"

"So needy," He tuts with the click of his tongue, his fingertips finding their way back to your wetness beginning to circle along your pussy and watching as you let out a rather loud moan. "Shh, you have to stay quiet baby," Pushing the material of the shirt into your mouth, he ensured you were biting down on it to muffle the low mewls that continued to erupt from your throat. His head dipped down, finding its spot between your legs for a second time and more than pleased by the sight of your pretty cunt that begged for more.

Licking a long stripe between your lips, a hum of satisfaction came from the sweet taste you held. No longer willing to tease, Jake deviled fully into lapping up and down, ensuring to focus on your swollen clit as his nose rubbed against it every so often. Your hips bucked, a hand finding way to Jake's hair and tugging at it slightly which earned a small moan from him, one that vibrated directly against you and caused your eyes to shut in pleasure. The other hand fiddled with your tits, pinching at the sensitive bundle of nerves and doing your best to stay quiet though it proved to be difficult.

Jake continued, egged on by the way you attempted to squirm away from him, legs clenching together but he merely pushed your thighs apart. The familiar sensation began to pull in your stomach, your whines growing more frequent as you neared your high.

"Oh fuck, please, please," You whispered out, voice high and pornographic, eyes rolling back as you moved against his mouth. "Please, please Jae,"

Just as you felt your release on the brink of bursting, a loud whine left your lips as Jake pulled away. His hand clamped over your mouth, shushing you as he peppered kisses to your thighs. "I'm sorry pretty girl," He whispered, though his apology came pitiless as he wore a rather amused smirk watching your hips buck in attempt to gain any type of attention to your swollen clit. "I don't want you to cum yet," He shushes you, lining himself between your legs. He stared down at you, hand pumping along his shaft for a few moments as you pouted.

"Asshole," You repeat for a second time, few heavy breathes in attempt to regain your composure but that was thrown out as soon as his tip began to rub along your slit. Jake hummed before he spit into his hand, mixing your arousal with his saliva as he coated his tip.

The feeling of his dick beginning to enter your cunt caused your eyes to squeeze shut. Certainly turned on but not quite used to his length yet, there was a slight burn as he slowly inched in, allowing for you to adjust before he bottomed out inside you.

Both your moans mixed with one another, Jake's particularly whiney as he stilled himself, having to gain some composure before he came just from feeling your warm walls wrapped around him. He had no idea what it was about you, but the feeling of your warm pussy was intoxicating, one he never wanted to forget after gaining the privilege.

"You're so pretty," Jake mumbled, slowly beginning to move as he pushed his fingers into your mouth, muffling your moans. "So fucking pretty, your little cunt wrapped around my dick taking it so well. Such a good girl my love," Keeping his strokes deep and slow, the feeling more than enough to have you squirming against his hips.

Your muffled moans, the sound erotic sounds of your skin clapping together, and the slight squeak of the air mattress was certainly more than enough noise for everyone else to get the general picture of what was occurring, not to mention your tent that shook with each passing stroke. Far too drunk on the feeling of his cock that continued to kiss your cervix, you paid no mind to how loud you were, focused on your own desires and the familiar build up the began to brew once more.

Jake was more aware of how loud you two were, however, that didn't provide any indication for him to stop. In fact, it seemed to urge him to do more, the thought of letting everyone know just how good he filled you up and how you begged for him to continue did wonders for his ego. It turned him on more if humanly possible.

"Please keep going," You slur as he removed his fingers from your mouth, instead using them to circle around your clit that seemed to be needing attention.  He continued to fuck you at a consistent and deep pace, intending to get you to your high first but the feeling of your cunt squeezing around him more and more drew him to the edge. "Please, Jae don't stop," Your whiney plea led to a pornographic moan, Jake picking up the pace to fuck you through your built up orgasm.

He groaned feeling you clench around him, his dick twitching slightly from how tight you became. You had to pull away his hand from your clit, the friction far too overstimulating as he stayed consistent with his strokes, though they began to grow more shallow as you felt your ears ring at the over abundance of pleasure.

"Oh baby," Jake moans, the breathy whine leaving his lips as he gripped your hips tightly.

"You gonna cum baby?" You mewl, hands reaching around his shoulders as your nails dug into the skin slightly. Pulling his head close to yours, you capture his lips in a chaste kiss. "Come for me, please baby, go ahead,"

Your words broke the thin string that Jake held onto. Your lips crashed together, his moans muffled into your mouth feeling the warm sensation fill your cunt, Jake pumping himself through with shallow strokes before halting, his body suddenly feeling weak as he fell on top of you.

A small laugh left your lips with Jake's arms barely able to support his weight, otherwise crushing you beneath him as he took heavy breaths. Your hands pushed away the hair that stuck to his forehead due to the beads of sweat that accumulated at his hairline. Wincing as he pulled himself out of you, allowing for the cum to drip out of your hole while placing his t-shirt beneath you to catch any that dribbled down, Jake rolled onto his side with deep breathes.

"We need to do that more often," He says aloud, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips before pepper light pecks to your shoulder.

"You're lucky I'm on the pill," You tut, sending him a pointed look to the mess he made.

Jake shrugged. "You told me last time," He explains, his lack of care for the potentials explained by the wave of his hand. "Best case scenario, it's works properly," He grins, finding the fact that he may have been developing a breeding kink rather exciting, you being the first and presumably only that he’d do so with. "Worse case is we have a kid, no biggie,"

You smack his arm, rolling your eyes at his nonchalantness while sitting up. "Don't manifest that," You tsk, adjusting your own shirt while holding the other article of clothing close to your core, feeling the warmth that continued to dribble out. "C'mon,"

"Where we goin’?" Jake groans, reluctantly sitting up as he watched you grab a pair of shorts to slip on.

"I have to pee, especially since someone decided to do this," You emphasized, watching the boyish smile form back on his lips, entirely pleased with his doing. "It's dark as shit outside, I'm not going to piss in a tree by myself,"

"You're the one who told me to come," He defends but nonetheless slipping on his shorts without argument. Unzipping the tent, he steps out into his shoes first, holding open the material for you to follow. "Lets go princess,"

You roll your eyes, though thankful for the now died out fire as it hid your smile that ghosted upon your features. You tucked the spare toilet paper roll and hand sanitizer from your things under your arm before slipping out. Jake held out his hand as you two stood, his flash from his phone being the only light indicator and he took a moment to glance over the other tents, ensuring no one was still out.

Your hand slipped into his, following his lead and focused on the rocky ground to not trip over your own feet. Jake led you to a secluded area far from any other campers in the tree line, the actual porta potties a drive away down the road meaning it was out of question for now.

"Okay, go away," You shooed him, finding your footing behind a bush that you deemed adequate enough.

"Seriously?" He snickers, finding it hard to believe you refused to pee in front of him while he was quite literally inside you moments ago.

"I'm pee shy," You defend, sending him a pointed look as he laugh. Shaking his head, Jake wandered away, far enough to provide you some privacy but still within hearing range and the light in view. "Okay, just, whistle or something,"

"Oh yeah ‘cause whistling in the pitch black dark in the middle of nowhere isn't creepy at all,"

"Then hum!" You huff, now squatted behind the bush and mentally cursing yourself for giving in earlier which led to where you were now. All for some dick. "Go pee too before you get a UTI,"

Waving you off, Jake silently obliges to your word. Humming a random tune loud enough to drown out any noise that would come from you, you both silently proceeded with your business. In the midst of cleaning yourself up, Jake's voice broke the air once again. "Hey,"

You pinch your brows, standing up straight to see him walking your way once more. "What?" A mischievous smile took over his lips, quirking a brow. Holding out his hand for you to spritz the sanitizer into his palm, he rubs it in before answering.

"You hungry?"

                 "FESS UP," SUNGHOON held out his hand toward Ni-ki as you and Jake tiredly slipped out of the tent. It was morning, the rising sun beading down had caused you to wake up early the past few days, the heat making it hard to sleep anytime past 7am and after the escapades of last night, you felt particularly sluggish.

A yawn escaped Jake's lips as he slipped past you, a quick kiss placed to the side of your head as he made his way to the portable stovetop where Heeseung seemed to be cooking up breakfast. You made your way to the others sat along their respective chairs. Yunjin had a wide grin on her lips, sipping from her cup of coffee while Jay shook his head, though the amusement that lingered in his expression wasn't unnoticed.

"What?" You ask, settling into your seat while Ni-ki huffs, placing a 10 dollar bill into Sunghoon's hand who pocketed it with a smile.

"You let me down," The youngest tsks, swirling around the milk that was left in his bowl of cereal. Pointing an accusing finger in your direction, you tilt your head not knowing what he meant.

"You guys are loud," Jungwon pipes in with a yawn, rubbing at his eyes while Sunoo follows with a small nod.

"Should've went and fucked in the woods, at least then we wouldn't have had to hear you," Jay snickers, watching as your eyes widen in horror. The reaction caused the group to burst into a fit of laughter, Jake and Heeseung joining the group with hot bowls of ramyeon in hand in the midst. "Kept everyone up last night too when you decided to have post-sex snacks,"

"Aftercare," Jake shrugged, jumping into the conversation with ease and seemingly unfazed by the conversation topic. He pulled your legs to drape along his lap, a comfortable position that had been your go-to considering Jake had become particularly clingy and in need of having some form of touch. He held out your own bowl to you, carefully handing it over while you sent him a small thanks. "We're a couple, what'd you expect?"

"I did expect it," Sunghoon corrected, holding up the money he gained from the bet he placed with Ni-ki upon wether or not the two of you would've hooked up over the trip. You raise a brow, tilting your head while he smiles innocently.

"You were trying to bet me about Yunjin and Heeseung while betting on me with Ni-ki at the same time?" You confirm, watching as he held up his hands with a small shrug.

"Easy money," Sunghoon said nonchalantly. "I knew someone was going to so,"

"You bet with me about Heeseung," Jay frowned his brows at the new information.

"___ said no so had to go to someone else," He explained causing you to roll your eyes. A small snicker came from Jake, him squeezing your leg before taking a bite of his food. Sitting up, Yunjin looks around, visibly confused by the topic at hand as she gestured between herself and Heeseung who sat silently eating his own bowl, his smile hidden by the fact that he was eating like his life depended upon it.

"What bet about Heeseung and I?"

my tags!! @slutforsjy @jaklvbub @whowantshota @addictedtohobi @coolwitu @simjyunnie @kgneptun @graythecoffeebean @143ikeu @zyvlxqht @tesywesy @nxzz-skz @aishisgrey @enczen @vanvity @dreamiestay @caitysdelusions @ikkeumyluv @v3lv3tsin

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[espinosaurusrexex]

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠'𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

two - suburban magic

BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader

summary: Bucky and Y/N get to Westview, but things are not exactly as they imagined. How will they work now that everyone thinks they're married?

a/n: I know the first two chapter are a little slow and establish the story, so I'm thinking of posting ch. 3 tomorrow. That's where things really start off - let me know what you think!

!Divider is mine. Please give credit when using!

word count: 4k

chapter warnings: fake dating, settling in, so much angst, kinda fluffy, also this is not proofread - all mistakes are my own

✶ 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ☾

“So this is it?” Y/N peered up at the red static wall. Her head was leaned back all the way to try and catch the end of it. 

“This is it.” Bucky stood behind her, his hands buried in his pants pockets. 

It was unbelievable. Yes, Wanda was powerful, but this? This was so wide and big and... kind of intimidating. Just not the Wanda Y/N thought to have known. She let her eyes wander to either side and watched as the wall extended into the distance. There was a faint whirring sound from the red. It seemed almost nostalgic, in an indescribable way.

Y/N turned around to Bucky, her eyes hesitant and drilling into his with nervousness. But Bucky seemed determined. He stepped further toward the wall until he came to a stop right next to Y/N.

When she had called him two days ago in the middle of the night, Y/N was set on this obscene idea to get here and start a totally unbothered life. Right now, it was rather scary. She hadn’t thought about how intimidating change was in a long time. She was too busy dealing with all her grief and the aftermath of the last major change. And now that she was confronted with this feeling of uncertainty again, she wished herself back into her boring New York City apartment with the same view and the aggravated neighbor, and the constant street noise. That was where everything seemed calculated. There she could control the next couple of hours without fear of major outside influence. It was safe and it was habitual, without heart racing or sweaty hands.

Maybe she should have never called him. Because right now, all of these things were happening. Racing heart: check. Sweaty hands: check. Uncertainty: check, check, check. Y/N didn't know what would wait behind that wall. That was if they were even able to break through. She didn’t know what would happen after they had made it. Back in her apartment, the thought of suburbia and its idyllic atmosphere had brought comfort and longing to her chest. But seeing it so close in front of her really made her question her sanity. She couldn’t just run away and live a life as a housewife. That was not how life worked. 

So yeah, if she would not have Bucky by her side right now, she would have probably bailed the second she felt her doubts bubble up. But with Bucky, it was different. There was someone else sharing the dream of escaping with her and it brought a weird comfort to her. She wouldn’t be alone in there. She would have Bucky and Bucky would have her. She felt safe with him.

“We’re really gonna do this,” she whispered to herself, but Bucky’s ears picked up on it anyway. Without a response, he took her hand in his. 

They locked eyes for a moment and Bucky look this time to nod intently in her direction. His hand twitched, reassuring Y/N of his presence and it felt as though this small gesture conveyed a bigger message only he could decode. 

“Are you ready?” His stare was hopeful but concerned. He looked like he was ready to bail just as much as she was. But she wouldn’t pass on a chance like this, not because she chickened out.

“No.” She smiled. “But that’s okay.” She probably never would, but Y/N had decided then and there that that was nothing that should stop her anymore.

Bucky’s vibranium arm reached forward, hesitant to touch the magic wall, but not really stopping in its movement. When his fingers grazed the static, a faint shock hushed in the air, traveling through his body to hers and making her feel the force behind it. This was real. As unbelievable as it looked, this was real. Bucky retracted his hand in surprise, looking back to Y/N with a questing glare. But she just nodded forward in a ‘try again’ motion, her eyes desperate and nosy at the same time. 

His flesh hand tightened around Y/N’s when he laid the whole of his vibranium palm against the red wall. Noise, light, power. All at once flooded Y/N’s senses as she watched Bucky lean forward to break through. Every part of her body was tingling with electricity shooting tiny white specks of pain in every part of her skin. Tears were brimming in her eyes with determination. This might have been a bad idea, but before she could even comprehend that thought, Bucky turned his head in her direction. There was something in his eyes that made her want to withstand so much more pain than the one she already felt. Like an urge to uphold anything for him in trade for the sacrifice, he made for her. A silent message was passed between the two and only a heartbeat later, Bucky pushed further into the flickering scarlet. His foot stepped forward, digging into the ground as he bent his knees to bring up more strength. Y/N took a deep breath and then she lifted her free hadn’t to the barrier as well. 

Together they drove their entire weight up against the wall, but it was like leaning on cement. Nothing would move this mysterious piece of magic. It was painful, too. Like touching fire with bare hands. As if the lights were slicing through her skin, pulling on her nerve endings with unbelievable force. 

Bucky took another step, releasing a forceful scream as his hand began to dent the wall. His fingers were halfway hidden by the rest of the structure. And all of a sudden, there was a shock washing right through Y/N’s body. As if she was walking through a painful waterfall that could tear right through her. There was no more pushing against the wall because it felt as though the wall was actually reaching forward, hugging them in its ear-shattering static noise. Y/N screamed as well. Her body was on fire, her head felt like exploding and if it weren’t for Bucky’s hand anchoring her to something tangible, she would have probably fallen unconscious from the pain. 

And then, as fast as it started, the pain was gone. Y/N fell forward with a thud, as did Bucky, their faces touching the soft grass and an overwhelming warmth consumed the pair. 

Y/N’s heart beat faster than ever, her thoughts running a mile per minute but not producing anything remotely sufficient for her situation. Her fingers were tingling, her head heavy - almost dizzy. She sat up slowly, looking around and taking in her new environment. The noise of the wall was faint from this side. The grass seemed greener and the air warmer. Not unbearable, but definitely summery. Y/N took a deep breath as she listened to the birds chirping in the distant trees. It was paradise, peaceful and calm - totally secluded from everything else, maybe even reason. There were houses in the distance and if she really listened closely, Y/N could make out the sound of children playing in their front yards.

A groan emerged from her left, and her eyes wandered to the man beside her, slowly pushing himself upright.

“That was...”

“Weird,” Y/N completed as she watched him taking in his surroundings as well.

“Yeah.”

Then he redirected his gaze to her body, scanning up and down for injuries. “Are you okay?” His hands rested on his thighs, his head leaning forward, urging her to talk.

“I’m okay.” Y/N smiled and watched as Bucky’s brows softened. He looked around again, probably taking everything in properly. “Are you okay?” She asked carefully.

“I’m okay.” His eyes stayed on hers for a little longer and Y/N could feel her chest warming again. 

Bucky stood up, cleaning off his jeans, and then he held his hand out to Y/N. She looked up at him, her eyes wandering back to his extended offer and finally placing her hand in his. 

“I really didn't think we’d make it halfway through,” she said as she too cleaned off her clothes.

Bucky chuckled. “Yeah, it hurt like a bitch.” 

That it did.

Bucky stopped in front of a beautiful house. Painted in light blue and with white shutters accompanying the windows, the house stood proud over the suburban street with an unmatched significance. He must have felt it too, the pull this home had on everyone’s stare, inviting one's gaze beyond the white picket fence and longing for a peak within its bright walls. How Y/N would have wished to live in it as a child, how her inner desire longed for the ocean blue to engulf her and marry calmness to her soul. It was truly perfect. 

The lawn stretched from the porch to the mailbox that stood right next to a real estate sign. It showed two heavily photoshopped agents with bright smiles and a bold number beneath, indicating that it was, in fact, for sale. Unbelievable, in Y/N’s opinion. This home was too nice to ever lay empty in an area like this: suburbia. Filled with people desperate to live a perfect life with their perfect families and their perfect happy, smiley faces that would hang above the fireplace.

Y/N’s heart ached at the thought. A family - the whole that had been ripped in by fate twice by now, which was definitely two times too many. And simultaneously exact the reason why she stood on this street, with that beautiful home mocking her misery in bright blue hues.

“It’s like out of these movies.“ Bucky muttered with a frown that didn’t match his doughy eyes at all, and a smile snuck on Y/N’s face as he said what she had been thinking out loud. 

“Oh my, you must be the new neighbors!” Y/N whipped around and watched a brunette exclaim with the brightest smile. “I am so thrilled to have a new couple in the neighborhood,” she leaned towards Y/N and brought her hand up to her mouth; “Let me tell ya, Berta from down the street is becoming a little old and she always kills the mood when she starts talking about her dead husband.” The woman laughed loudly and then she waved her arms. 

Y/N was glued to the ground, her expression unintelligible as all her concentration shifted to the sudden encounter with one of Westview’s occupants. The woman must have noticed how shocked and confused Bucky and Y/N looked because a second later she extended her hand.

“How rude of me. I am Agnes, it's so nice to meet you!”

“Bucky,” Bucky said while shaking her hand. “And this is Y/N.” He smiled as he hid his left arm behind her back.

Y/N just smiled. It was all she could do with the sudden realization that this woman had assumed them to be together. Moving into a house in the suburbs together - Oh, God. She thought they were married! Y/N’s heartbeat was pounding in her chest as Bucky played it cool, trying to get the neighbor away.

“So nice to meet you both! You seem like you’ll fit right into our lovely neighborhood.” She clapped her hands before her chest once. “And you chose the most beautiful home of them all, too!”

“We- what?” Y/N’s voice faltered as she turned her head back to the house. The sign with the two agents had a bold red sticker on it now: ‘SOLD’ 

She felt Bucky’s hand twitch on her side and was met with an equally confusing stare once her eyes traveled from the magical sign back to him. A silent monologue passed between the pair, though Y/N wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted to convey. Another squeeze of her waist and Bucky’s face turned back to the brunette woman with a bright smile.

“We really don’t want to be rude but why don’t you let us get settled, Agnes? It's been a long day already and we would appreciate some rest before the movers get here.” His smile didn’t falter and Y/N tried the same, but she couldn’t shake the uneasiness spreading in her stomach like a wildfire. Something had changed already and Y/N couldn’t place her finger on it. 

“Oh, of course. I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.” And then she turned around and walked towards a house with deep purple flowers in the front yard. “Welcome to Westview!” That was all she said with raised arms before she disappeared behind the door.

Welcome to Westview. That was the plan, right? But for some reason, it didn’t feel like it was going according to it.

That night was horrible. Y/N tossed and turned in the sheets of her indefinite home, and even though it was the most beautiful place she had ever laid eyes on, it was intimidating. As if she had no control over her future, nor the slightest possibility of knowing what could happen. To her, to Bucky, and really everyone else.

The time the neighbor had left felt like a blur. Up until the moment, Y/N’s exhausted body hit the soft sheets of her new bed, time had seemed like a concoction of colors that stretched and faded in long lines as if the moments had rushed by her and she could watch them from the window of a speeding car.

A lot of weird things had happened today. The first and undoubtedly the most scarring of them all was the wall moving through her to engulf her into Westview. She had never felt such a phenomenon but it was comforting that she could share it with Bucky. 

That Agnes lady was a weird component, too, but Y/N figured every town needed a nosy neighbor and she just happened to have met her on the very first day. That was something both of them probably had to get used to still. In the city, people minded their own businesses. They went about their life with as little contact with strangers as possible and Y/N kind of liked it that way. Bucky probably did, too. And neighbors? Well, neighbors basically ran to their doors when another opened. The casual small talk Americans were so well known for was avoided like the plague. The only encounter people had with neighbors was in the case of complaints. And those were, again, nagging about their privacy being disturbed. Y/N had felt it the second she entered Westview: a shift in demeanor. Unlike New York City, people actually cared for their fellow occupants. In Agnes’ case maybe a little too much. People knew about the person at the end of the street. They cared about their well-being and they dug up gossip about their dog sitters if the occasion called for it. Suburbia’s inmates were well aware of the community they lived in, and that thought alone scared her.

When Agnes had left, Bucky had found a key in his pants pockets that actually unlocked the pretty blue house. And before the both of them were even able to step one foot in their new estate, a moving truck halted on the street with scratching tires. Four men, all dressed in blue overalls, carried box after box past Bucky and Y/N, who just shared another look of confusion. Whatever had been in those boxes apparently belonged to them, and once the men left the property the house looked like someone actually lived in it. 

Beautiful wallpaper lined the walls of the foyer that lead directly to a staircase painted in white. A mirror hung above a small table that was decorated with flowers. There were jackets and umbrellas hanging in the closet by the staircase and just a step to the left opened a wide arch the view into a stunning open kitchen with an island of marble. The cupboards were the same blue as that of the house’s exterior. Further back beyond the open kitchen and the adjacent dining area opened another arch to a broad seating area. A glass door by the living room lead out to the patio, where a green lawn unfolded in the distance. A sizable pool covered part of the area and the rest was framed by flowers in all shapes and colors.

It was just as Bucky had mentioned earlier ‘like out of these movies’ and Y/N could have sworn that she had seen a house comparable to this in one of Wanda’s TV shows before. 

When Bucky had reached to open the door to the backyard, Y/N had felt a shiver run down her spine. That was what had felt so off out on the street before. Bucky had looked at her with a questioning glare and as Y/N’s stare traveled from his hand back to his eyes, the expression on his face had fallen and been replaced by one of utter helplessness. His arm, Bucky’s vibranium arm was gone. Well, it wasn’t gone, It was normal. It was a flesh arm, one like the other he had. And just as it did Y/N, Bucky looked like it scared the living shit out of him. That had been the first thing that had actually been terrifying. The nosy neighbor and the changing signs, she could deal with, but this? This felt like an intrusion. Like a bad magic trick that secretly pulled the ground from under your feet.

He had ripped his hand from the handle and held it away from his body as if it didn’t belong to him, and that’s when Y/N had noticed the silver wedding ring shining on his finger. She had checked, and sure enough on the fourth finger of her left hand sat a thinner, more delicate version of Bucky’s ring. She Didn’t mention it, thinking it would just destabilize him further after the discovery they had just made. So after another beat of silence, Bucky had excused himself and left to the upstairs, where Y/N only guessed the bedrooms to be.

She had been right. Because after another hour of rummaging around the house, and getting to know the place to distract herself from thinking about Bucky, who probably just wanted to be alone, she went upstairs herself. Bucky had left her the master bedroom and chosen, what she could only assume the guest bedroom to be, for himself. She had gotten ready for bed reluctantly, her eyes regularly pulling to the door that led to a corridor that led to Bucky. He was just two doors away. Five feet and two doors, and yet, Y/N didn’t feel ready to take on this kind of comfort for him. Because it wasn’t. 

So ever since she had gotten to bed, her thoughts had been spinning around the same topic. It was two in the morning, now and there was no sleep in sight for her. Y/N turned to her side again, staring at the clock on her nightstand in frustration. She was about to close her eyes when she heard a hesitant knock on her door. 

She looked up when a muffled voice traveled through the wood. “Hey, Y/N?” Her heartbeat quickened.

“Yeah?” Bucky stepped into the room silently, his gaze low as his hand clutched the doorknob.

“I-“ His eyes met hers in the dim moonlight shining through the window. His were sparking with secrecy, an indecisiveness settled deep within. Y/N didn’t dare to move. He looked like a deer in headlights with his shoulders slumped and she could see his mind working on his features. Anything could scare him away now, and really, Y/N completely understood. “Never mind. I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.“ And then the door closed again and Bucky was gone.

But she hadn’t been sleeping. Y/N sat up in her bed as she heard his footsteps decent the stairs and after about ten seconds, she could hear him rummaging through the kitchen. Yeah, she would definitely not go back to sleep now.

The patting of bare feet sounded through the cool hallway before traveling down the stairs as well. Bucky stood by the refrigerator, retrieving a box of milk and pouring himself a glass. His bare back was exposed to the air-conditioned room, his muscles moving under his skin as his hands worked in front of him. He seemed to have settled with his new arm, as weird as that sounded. Of course, Y/N couldn’t possibly comprehend what that would feel like, but she imagined it must be hard to have it taken from him, after years of accepting it as part of him. 

She remembered faint conversations in the compound with Bucky. She’d never asked him about his arm, but she had listened in on Peter’s curious questioning. Bucky had answered a bunch of questions about what features his arm had, and how he dealt with some issues, but he couldn’t really answer the stuff Peter was actually interested in. What she had picked up from it, however, was that the arm from Wakanda had grown on him and that he actually liked it, especially because it was from his friends.

Y/N slowly approached the brunette in the kitchen, and when she could clearly see the absence of scars on his arm shining in the refrigerator light, he turned around, his eyes tired and low on her frame.

“What’s the matter?”

He just stood there, holding eye contact as his mind fought with something Y/N couldn’t place. His mouth opened as if he wanted to say something, but then he closed it again. Time passed teasingly slow as he repeated the action. 

“It’s just-” He turned around again, leaning on the counter and looking out the window. There was Agnes, walking along the street. What was she doing out so late? Y/N stepped next to Bucky.

“You don’t have to tell me,” she said, though she really wanted to know. She wanted to see if Bucky would confide in her, now that she was all he had in proximity. There had been an aching pain settling in her chest ever since he had given her that helpless look. A desperate cry about not being able to help the way she wanted, because she didn’t know where the boundaries were placed.

“No, I know.” There was a long pause, and Y/N thought that was where the conversation would end. She didn’t move though, her hand so close to his on the counter that she could feel him twitching on the stone. His breaths were steady and deep, the only thing sounding through the dark kitchen beside the constant whirring of the refrigerator. Agnes had gone further, she wasn’t within the frame of the window anymore, and Y/N quite frankly didn’t care, but Bucky’s eyes stayed focused on the dark. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

Bucky just hummed absently, the distance in the sound far more tangible than him at the moment. Y/N moved her hand closer to his left, her pinky fingers grazing his on the countertop. Bucky didn’t react.

“Do you feel with it now?”

His head slowly turned to her hand where her fingers met his. And for a second, Y/N thought she could see a grieving twitch in his eyes.

“No.” He shook his head. “It’s the same as before. Just looks... different.” Reluctance laced his tone as his eyes shifted back to the window after stealing a quick glance at her face.

Y/N just nodded and slowly retreated her hand from his, a sudden cold replacing the warmth that had been beating through her body just moments prior.

“A little late for a walk don’t ya think?” His voice sounded distant again as he nodded towards the window through which the pair had watched their neighbor.

“Maybe she’s looking for something.” Really, Y/N wanted to go back to the intimate conversation they just had. But Bucky’s demeanor had already switched. 

He looked at her with raised eyebrows and then he stepped backward, walked to the door, and took his jacket. And with a final ‘I’ll be back’ he left the house. And Y/N? Well, she just stood there wishing for a little more Bucky. Just something that told her, that maybe, everything she wished for wasn’t just a distant dream.

𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓

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[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Fic Titles That Start With P Masterlist

Paint Me In Your Sunshine (ao3) - mukeclemmings michael/ashton, minor luke/calum M, 26k

Summary: Ashton is smiling and it grows when he turns to look at Michael. Dimples, is all Michael can think and then he notices the bit of blond coloring in his hair and oh my god, is he going to be in this class everyday? Because Michael knows he won’t be able to focus on anything else with Ashton right here.

(Michael is an awkward, freshman art major who really wants to kiss the dimples of the upperclassman who sits beside him in painting class.)

Paper Hearts (ao3) - pseudolixinho luke/ashton G, 3k

Summary: “If my heart was paper, I’d fold it / Throw it to the wind and just hope it ends up with you / I’d sign it with love from me to you / I’d try to be cool, but my feelings, they don’t allow me to / And all that I ask, is that at least you write me back / I’m waiting / Here’s my paper heart, won’t you hold it?”

or

It’s been over a year since Ashton last saw Luke and he hasn’t been able to move on ever since. He writes Luke a letter in an attempt to say all the things he’s wanted to say to him for over a year now. He can only hope Luke gives him what he needs to move on.

paper valentines (ao3) - dafeedil michael/ashton M, 30k

Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day, and Michael and Ashton have erased each other from their respective memories, along with the entirety of the last two years they’ve spent together.

However, sometimes erasing past mistakes only means you’re ultimately doomed to make the same ones all over again.

passport control (ao3) - nothingliketherain (39_killer_queen) michael/ashton T, 2k

Summary: Michael reunites with the boys after the passport mishap of 2014. Hugs happen. One hug in particular surprises Michael.

Pepper (ao3) - 1loulu5 calum/ashton T, 4k

Summary: There’s whining from the other side of their backyard fence. Scratching sounds that sound like nails on a chalkboard. Scolding from an aged voice.

permanent jet lag (ao3) - kingscrossinseptember michael/luke G, 1k

Summary: Meanwhile, Luke had tried sitting in practically every position he could in his cramped airplane seat and, as far as Michael knew, had yet to drift off for more than a couple minutes at a time. Michael glanced over to see Luke burrowing his face into Ashton’s shoulder. His neck was bent at an awkward angle and he was more hunched over than Quasimodo. To put it simply: he looked like crap.

Perplexity (ao3) - mattymerlotte (orphan_account) michael/luke M, 53k

Summary: I, Michael Clifford, only have twenty days or so left of my freshman year in college. My experience so far is the definition of mediocre. Until one Friday night when Calum decided to go out partying that I chose to do laundry and while patiently waiting for my clothes in walked a tall blonde boy with shimmering blue eyes. Immediately caught off guard I somehow speak fluent English and talk to him. Mumbling and muttering every word I’m stumbling with each sentence I let out. He tells me his name is Luke.

Pika Pika (ao3) - Ravenclaw_WolfPrincess luke/ashton N/R, 605

Summary: 5 Seconds Of Summer are in Japan and Micheal is excited for all the Pokèmon and anime there is.

Pills (ao3) - coolbabyblue T, 4k

Summry: Luke had hated everything about Calum. Had, very specifically in the past tense. You see he learnt to love him when the brunette showed him how to be himself, but now, he’s just lost. – Luke wasn’t thinking straight. Not at all. He got like this often. Suppressing his feelings and fears with alcohol and drugs, why did it have to be so easy for everyone else to be normal?

Playing With Chemistry (ao3) - fourdrunksluts michael/ashton, luke/calum E, 17k

Summary: It’s the busiest week of the year at the escape room Ashton manages, and it’s hard enough without Michael Clifford tempting him at every turn.

Point of View (ao3) - FayeHunter luke/ashton T, 2k

Summary: Ashton’s been attacked by a werewolf. Calum shows up to the hospital to see how he is.

Popstar (ao3) - L4sht0n luke/ashton, michael/calum T, 54k (WIP)

Summary: Luke didn’t need a fake boyfriend. He had some problems, every celebrity had some problems. Drug, sex and alcohol was Luke’s getaway, but there was nothing wrong with it. A bit problematic yes, but he did nothing wrong. Luke was losing fans because of his bad behaviour, and he was kind of an asshole. Luke could admit this. But he didn’t need a fake boyfriend. He didn’t need Ashton Irwin to play his fake boyfriend and clean up his mess. If Luke’s management wanted to clean up Luke so badly they should just hire a cleaning lady. Luke didn’t need a fake boyfriend, didn’t want it. Then why did the fake relationship feel so real?

Potato Salad (ao3) - tigerlily_sunshine michael/ashton, luke/calum, past michael/omc T, 21k

Summary: “Can I have that?” asks the stranger.

Michael hums in his throat, confused. He looks at the stranger, but the stranger isn’t looking at him. His gaze is locked on the potato salad spilled out on the sidewalk. There is a pink flush to his cheeks, but it is different this time. It isn’t modesty. It’s embarrassment.

“If you’re just going to throw it away, can I have it instead?”

(In which Ashton is a homeless stranger who is starving, and Michael has a kitchen full of food.)

Presents (ao3) - koogolplex luke/ashton E, 4k

Summary: Lukey loves presents, especially when they’re from daddy.

Or, Ashton hasn’t let Luke cum in over 4 days and his boy is so, so desperate. So, Ashton comes home with a butt plug for his princess.

Princes Among Peasents (ao3) - magicalmadhatter michael/luke, luke/calum, calum/ashton N/R, 4k

Summary: Five years ago Michael escaped his kingdom in the cover of darkness with his friend and advisor Ashton. The pair of them have made a life for themselves in the lower city of the castle in the neighboring kingdom. But what if the past they thought they left behind wasn’t so far behind them? Especially after they are uprooted from the life they have made and thrown into the hustle and bustle of what their past life was.

Prove It (ao3) - notonguexwithbutt michael/luke M, 8k

Summary: “A stretch of silence follows and Luke can feel his cheeks begin to heat up again. Because…Michael is telling him he can stay. And hang out. With him. Luke was leaving and Michael stopped him. His heart speeds up again and a smile starts tugging at his lips.

God, he really better not fuck this up.”

Michael’s day to himself gets interrupted when a very nervous Luke Hemmings shows up on his doorstep, acoustic guitar and bright blue eyes awaiting him.

Protector (ao3) - starstruk97 luke/ashton M, 4k

Summary: There are certain rules that come with being the eldest of your group of friends, the number one rule being: Always protect your younger friends.

“ From then on, Luke joined the group, and I had someone to protect and look after. Someone to teach and guide. A baby ‘brother’. And it was my favourite thing in the world. Still is. I don’t care how many fist fights, detentions, suspensions and groundings I have received for standing up for him, I don’t and never will regret any of them because each one of them saved my little bro some kind of pain. ”

Puppies, Pastries, and Other Sweet Things (ao3) - LyricalPary (hoseoky) luke/ashton G, 16k

Summary: When Ashton heard someone scratching on his front door in the middle of the night, he expected it to be a burglar, maybe even extraterrestrial beings who planned to take him to another planet. However, the last thing that he expected to find was a lost puppy who simply wanted shelter from the rain.

Puppy Pile (ao3) - BabyBaby3 ot4 T, 2k

Summary: Michael works at an animal shelter to put himself through school and make a little side cash. He ends up finding perhaps the best emotional support dog possible.

- aka -

The boys just can’t say no to not one but two sets of puppy dog eyes

Puzzle with a Missing Piece (ao3) - littleluke luke/ashton, michael/ashton M, 2k

Summary: Ashton Irwin has just been granted an academic scholarship to Sydney’s most illustrious boarding school - Concordia. He wasn’t expecting it to be easy, trying to fit in with a bunch of stuck up rich kids when he’s the complete opposite. But after being roomed with Luke Hemmings, the school’s biggest homophobic jerk, he realises just how much of an understatement “it won’t be easy” is.

Or, the one where Luke and Ashton are polar opposites, or so they assume.

[babytaes]

†hê Ðêmðñ (the beauty of sin)

𝖘𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖞: You're a guardian angel who's never been tasked with protecting anyone. Since you've been here since Creation, sitting around in heaven hasn't brought you any rewards. You were looking forward to the day when you'd be assigned a human to look after. When that day finally arrives, things take an unexpected turn when you are assigned to Heeseung, a demon from the underworld.

𝖕𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌: heeseung x female reader

𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: angst, suggestive/smut

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: 4k

𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: profanity, smut scenes, bad boy heeseung (lol), 

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖙𝖘: click me before reading!

➳ part of the drunk & dazed series

☆ ҉ ◢▅◣

Sin is a spiritual virus that invades the whole being. It makes you morally and spiritually weak. It’s a deadly disease that infects every part of you: your body, your mind, your emotions, and your motives—absolutely everything. Nobody has the strength on their own to overcome its power.

Nobody should ever commit sin, never giving in to their worldly and sinful impulses. It's unjust and wrong. However, what is it about sin that makes it so fascinating and enjoyable?

It gave you joy to see it in his smile or the way his hands caressed your body. What a lovely thing sin is!

Even though some sins are innocent and enjoyable, sometimes regulations are supposed to be broken. Everyone, after all, is a sinner.

“WHAT!?,?” You began to sweat as you worriedly communicated your concerns to your overseer, “You must be mistaken, High Lord.”

“I understand the protocol; angels are supposed to serve as "guardian angels" to beautiful or broken souls on Earth. You know we're expected to look after them and keep an eye on them to make sure they stay on track. With all due respect, ma'am, I don't believe I'm qualified for this position; at the very least, someone of level 10 would be ideal.”

Her cream-colored wings swept her off her feet as she chuckled and waved for you to follow her. You sighed as you flutter up and away with her, trailing behind her, feeling a twitch in yours.

As you eventually caught up to her, dodging angels left and right, you apologized to random angels in your path, uncomfortably smiled at the people you bumped into with your wings.

You retracted your wings closer to you and walked uneasily beside your overseer as you carefully stepped down on the golden road.

Before you could say anything, she quietly took your hand in hers and gently kissed it, assuring you that everything would be alright. As you approached the center of the commotion, you bit your lower lip and remained silent.

Looking around at the community, it warmed your heart to see so many people, young and old, out here. Some you've known since the beginning of time, while others were born only last week. Everyone had gathered to witness the masterpiece that would emerge in an instant.

“You know Y/N I have complete faith in you that this first expedition will be a breeze,” you smiled, looking up at her with excitement and a tinge of fear in your eyes. “We wouldn't have suggested you for the job unless we knew who you really are, and you've earned it.” Don't worry, you were expecting this; now have a look.”

With her finger pointing to the stage forward, you were treated to yet another spectacular show. They're known as the "Grand Turning" in Heaven. This is where a new or seasoned angel has completed his or her training with a human or demon and earned their proper place in the community.

It could be a badge, a ribbon, or something more unique, such as the opportunity to talk with the all-powerful, our God.

Despite the fact that you were assigned to him, you were determined to get those jobs because they were the only way for you to ever get that honor. You weren't going to allow Mr. Unperfect take away that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Nobody could and will ever be able to make you fail this assignment; you were meticulously prepped. You were taught the correct and only way to do things, and now was your opportunity to shine. You were not going to be a Lucifer, cast from Heaven

“I'll do it,” you said to your supervisor, a smile on your face and confidence in your eyes. She turned to face you and hugged you passionately, rubbing your wings with a motherly devotion.

“I knew you could do it; now it's time to get you ready.”

---

When people have a near-death experience, they always remark that life flashes before their eyes. Unfortunately for angels, it's the contrary; when we're approached with a high-alert danger or warning, it's more of a gentle whisper in our ears. Normally more attentive while traveling to Earth.

The best place to be humans say.. What is with these fickle minded words?

You take a deep breath and turn to face your overseer, who is polishing her wings to ensure that they are kept in order. When having wings, a routine is taught from the beginning to keep them in a good up do. Nobody wants to look simple when you can look stunning.

She took your hand in hers and walked toward the end of the route, issuing some documents to the Pearl City Gate guards. You noticed the circular orb while glancing around.

"How can some humans believe in the world being flat, we literally have an air-like view. To me, it's definitely round.” She chuckled as she pinched your cheeks and turned your puzzled face to her.

“When you get down to earth, you'll see a lot of that, people with a lot of opinions. But what did you learn in your training?”

Standing up and smoothing your wings, you calmly shouted out the words as if they were written on the back of your palm.

“Although humans are the destroyers of their own precious planet, everyone's opinion matters, regardless of race, gender, or identity.”

“Well, not all,” you began scratching your head, “I've seen some harsh individuals in our study books, God should strike them down-“

“Um no ma'am, let us put it aside for the time being and focus on what needs to be done.” She started going over a list of laws and regulations for your descent to Earth. As you gave her a thumbs up, you were attentively listening and mentally bookmarking everything in their designated area.

I believe I have a good understanding of everything, and I think I am prepared.” She offered you a short hug before letting you go, showing her affection for you. You were going to miss her, despite the fact that it was a mutually-surface relationship.

“Last but not least, this ordeal will be different in that people will be able to see you. But if you have to use your wings, the lad is the only one who can see you. When you arrive, he will be waiting for you. My child, best of luck and may God bless you.”

You let go of her and moved toward the road's edge, gripping your bag as you turned to face her and waved farewell as you stepped over the brink.

“Wait a minute, what if-“

When you felt a push from behind, you tumbled off the ledge and spun around in the sky, where you saw a smiling face as you glanced up. They didn't tell you that you'd have to be pushed. As you plunged to Earth, you closed your eyes, terrified. Oh, how nice.

Screaming, you descended into the atmosphere, your narrowed eyes seeing glimpses of land here and there. Not letting up you let your wings cover your whole body as you plopped down onto soft green grass.

You peered out from your wings, gasping for air, and glanced up.

“Oh, Heavens”

His physique was slender, active, and well-groomed, with a trace of bad boy behavior in his scent. The first thing that struck your eye were the rips in his jeans. How could a man-made mistake seem to be so appealing? As you raised your eyes, you noticed tattoos splattered across his arms and up to his neck. His black velvet-like wings fluttering in the breeze, he raised his palm to his hair and stroked through the old curls, deconstructing the pattern they had once formed.

“Did you just pull a Lucifer or was this all planned?” he coughed as he put out his hand to you, taking a good look at you.

Stuttering in your words you quickly got up and patted yourself off and finally looked him in the eyes, noticing his dark eyes.

“Well, that wasn't supposed to happen, I hoped to fly down here and appear more Angel-like, but I think my overseer had other ideas.”

He said, "Ah," with a bored expression on his face.

“My name is Heeseung, and if you don't mind, I assume you don't.” I guess my name is well-known in Heaven. You're probably the fifth Angel who has appeared in the last year to “assist me.” What a load of bullshit; you can't hide what's already there, you know.”

He made a pouty look as he smirked closer to you before covering his hand with his mouth and saying, “oh forgive me, I suppose I have a potty mouth.”

Panicking at this new light, you smiled and coughed loudly and suddenly, “Before you say anything else, I'd want to inform you that I'm not like those angels we don't talk about. I have a holy standard that I adhere to.

He rushed to your face, rolling his eyes at your innocence, and murmured to you, "well see about that little Ms. Purity."

As you moved back and shook your head, spurring out prayers, you tugged the strings of your bag close to you, seeming irritated. Looking up, you noticed him hovering in mid-air with his arms crossed, waiting for you.

“Whether you're coming or not, I'm in the mood for a cup of coffee. Allow me to go fetch you one so that this whole ordeal between us may be over soon and we can both return to our respective worlds.”

You instantly snap open your wings and shot up into the sky, scoffing at his rudeness, and dash by him, racing to the left.

“It's this way, dummy,” he cackled as he immediately shot out. Embarrassed and annoyed, you flipped over to his side and flew alongside him, praying to the Lord for peace as your rage subsided.

“Lord, so help me”

---

 “So, what's on the agenda, Ms. Purity? There are a lot of things I'd want to do with you. You know, if you just ditch this whole act, we might be able to have some fun. He winked at you as he sipped his drink while peering across the table.

You shook your head and chuckled, gagging at his remark, "You must get all the girls, you appear really, what's the word, competent" I'm astonished since I assumed everyone down under was inept.”

He smirked and crossed his legs as he lay startled in his chair, cocking his head to the side. It's not that you were trying to be mean; it's just what you were taught. There are no hard feelings.

“Well, as much as I'd like to keep this delightful little date going, I have a commitment to fulfill. You know, duty calls.” You quickly got up and hurried after him, confused as to where he was going, as he shot up in the air and chuckled, waving farewell to you.

“Wait, Heeseung, you can't just go away like that. We need to figure out how I'm going to find you. You're being impolite by getting up and leaving.” You made yourself look insane since you didn't realize no one could see him. You wouldn't want to be labeled as one of these Earthlings.

You beckoned him down, mentally terrified, “Please can you just come down for a damn second.” Your jaw dropped as you hurriedly covered your mouth. Heeseung's jaw dropped when he appeared in front of you, stunned.

“Gasp, I'm hearing a term I'm sure they don't say in Heaven. Hmm, I suppose the Earth changes people.” He went closer to your ear, his warm arm bouncing on your skin as he giggled, his lips inches away from yours.

“I've already entered my phone number into your phone; you do understand what a phone is, right?” Doesn't matter,  I have to get somewhere, and you can locate me later. Okay, I'll see you later.” He swept up in the air and rushed over to the bridge as he vanished into the horizon, rushing out in a haste once more.

You sat back in the coffee chair, wiped your brow, and focused mentally and spiritually, pleading with the Lord for help and forgiveness. You had a feeling this mission was going to be a disaster.

Whining, you threw your hands in the air and sat face down on the table, groaning as you realized this trek. It's no surprise that these honors are well-deserved; it takes a lot of effort.

You cautiously lifted your head and faced the barista after hearing a soft tap on your table. She smiled at you as she set down a piece of paper. You scowled as you inspected the weird set of paper.

“What a jerk, he didn't just leave me to pay for both drinks.” With a shake of your head, you reached inside your bag and drew out a wallet. Your overseer informed you that many people like flaunting and spending their money, so she provided some for you just in case.

As you cleaned up, you began to mentally map out your route through town, mentally picturing the locations and navigating your way home. As you walked over to the cashier, you handed her some money and thanked her before heading out the door.

At the very least, you landed in a fantastic location. It was in the heart of South Korea, and the city was called Seoul, a wonderful metropolis to be sure. You were taught to master specific languages for specific tasks, so communicating wasn't a problem. Despite the fact that you were new in a strange place, you were determined to make the most of it. The first step was to return home and examine the situation.

How to manage Lee Heeseung. 

Arriving at your small abode was an adventure in itself; it didn't take long for you to connect your GPS and get going. It was actually fairly pleasant and provided a change of scenery to enjoy. It's not quite Heaven, but it's still lovely. When you finally arrive at your destination, you look up to see a little, charming apartment in front of you.

They really went all out for you, and it's very much in your style. You'd felt right at home as soon as you stepped inside, as it was more modern and sophisticated.

To be honest, you had no idea what you were doing, but it felt good to have your own little place to do anything you wanted. You could get used to this, no wonder why humans never leave their house. Who would want to leave when you have everything here. Food, entertainment, and a BALCONY!!

As you finished exploring the apartment and basked in its magnificence, you laughed to yourself as you made your way to the couch, sinking into its coziness as sleep took over your mind and body.

*Crunch, thud, bang*

As you lurched forward, you flew up your wings in defense mode, trying to understand what you'd heard.

“Who's there? I have a weapon, and I'm not afraid to use it.”

When you hear a familiar giggle, you look up and see the attractive intruder. Walking over to you and snatching the pillow from your grasp he took your hand and pulled you over to the island where he had prepared some food.

As you took it all in, you smelt familiar scents and smiled, completely forgetting about it until you were reminded again.

“Wait, what are you doing in my apartment, and how did you get in?”

He began to remove some pots and pans from the stove while he placed some food on a platter, saying, "I have my methods."

“I'm not sure what you eat up there in Heaven, but I'm guessing it's all healthy and nutritious food.” You laughed and shook your hand in disbelief while shaking your head.

“I don’t think out of all places we would be eating so strictly. It's basically whatever you can get your hands on.. It's guaranteed to be better food than what you'll find in Hell.”

Pulling the dish away from him, you began to pick at the fries, popping one into your mouth and savoring the flavor, “not bad.”

He bowed in front of you, wiped the sweets from his brow, and returned to sit next to you, grabbing a dish and feeding himself some. As the night progressed, you told him the rundown for the next three months.

“So, despite the fact that you're definitely one of the worst jerks I've ever encountered. For this to function, we'll need to create certain ground rules.” Aiming a finger between you and him. “I'm not sure whether you've ever had to do anything for anyone else in your life, but it's all about serving people around here, and that's why I accepted this assignment. Even if you don't want to help yourself, I want to help you.”

As Heeseung shuffled around in his chair, avoiding eye contact with you, the atmosphere became tense.

“Harsh, but keep going.”

Smiling you continued as you tried to wrap your head around this complex creature.

“I understand that we are supposed to protect and guide you to do good, but it appears that we have progressed far beyond that, and we need to start at the source of your problem, which is most likely your heart or mind. What's going on in both?

As his words danced across your lips, he smirked and drew you closer to him.

“Now there's a secret.” 

Smirking as your face felt warm, you cocked your head to the side and touched his shoulder before getting up and setting your dish in the sink, cleaning up as piercing eyes stabbed your back.

“I understand what you're thinking, and I've got it all under control.”

He approached you and said, "If you say so," as he put his head against your ear.

2 months later 

Everything was certainly out of hand, and he was to blame. Your strategy not only failed, but it was only a matter of time until your overseer found out. And you didn’t want to end up like the last guy tossed from Heaven.

It wasn't all that bad, but who were you kidding, it was a disaster. It wasn't a major shift; rather, it was a series of modest changes. Things like accidentally cursing or hanging out with him at ungodly hours. You convinced yourself that everything was OK.

He drew you into your room and sat you down while hovering over you, gently caressing your body and kissing you.

You smiled and drew him closer to you, wrapping your legs around his waist and bringing him down on you, closing the distance between you.

Heeseung has been on a mission to damage your "innocent demeanor" for the past two weeks. He intended to show you that it was all a charade and that no one is actually perfect. Despite not knowing what he was going to do, you were up for the challenge. That core part of you didn't take long to succumb to his immoral impulses.

What was the problem as long as you were both happy?

“Heeseung,” you say as he draws you closer to him and unclasps your bra with his free hand. As you slowly rise to assist him, you toss the material to the ground and reach for his sweatpants.

“Someone a little needy, but we are not doing that today. Today is all about pampering my lovely angel. Is it all right?”

Nodding your head, you keep an eye on him as he goes between your legs, halting at the bottom as he eyes your breast and grasps softly as your body adjusts.

“Hurry up,” you grumble as you stare at his sinister grin. As you moan, he places gentle lips along your folds, leaning down to your core. As you twitch under his touch, his finger makes a fast dive between your folds, inciting dampness.

As you whine from the pressure, your eyes flutter shut as he switches his finger out with his tongue, softly licking up your surface.

“mm, close,” you exclaim, your lips wide open as he notices your clit, tongue flicking lustfully against it. As he presses harder on your sensitive region, he laughs as you break apart under his power.

“Oh God, right there.” 

“Please don't involve Him in this.” He hits a place as your high comes crashing down on you, chuckling at your reaction. Heeseung is holding you down and watching you quiver wildly as you release juice, which causes him to swallow it before wiping his mouth. As you fall onto his body, overwhelmed and still sensitive to the sensation, he pulls you up.

He lays your exhausted body next to his and wipes any excess arousal from his mouth before kissing your lips.

You both lay in a comfortable stillness for the remainder of the night, your breathing slowly returning to normal as you sign into his arms.

“Perhaps you're right; we're all just horny, messed-up creatures; I mean, even though what we're doing is completely wrong, it was fun to break the rules. My entire life has been focused on doing the right thing and being this upstanding angel. It's fun to deviate from the norm.” As Heeseung witnessed you erupt in rage, you became agitated.

“You’re cute when you’re mad, also I told you.” You both chuckled as you pushed him to the side before coming to a halt in the middle of your conversation, looking concerned at him.

“However, I leave tomorrow and I don't think I'll be ready to see you off, and this was not in my plan.”

“Shhh, I figured it out; just stick to my plan and we'll both come out on top.”

You sat closer to him, nodding your head and clasping your hand in his as you allowed sleep to take over your body.

As you may know, angels and humans have quite distinct punishments; some humans are never punished for their wrongdoings, whereas angels' actions are usually discovered one way or another.

And you were terrified that they would find out. The person who fell from the edge was not the same person who was returning back and everyone was going to know it. Just not right now, you had to maintain your composure as you approached your overseer.

As you were greeted with the overseer and some guards, you held Heeseung by his chains and whispered something into his ear.

“I see you were having a good time?” You shook your head and looked down, worried. You looked up at her with sad eyes.

“Yes, High Lord, I am aware of my error and what needs to be done in order to be purified once more. I accept complete responsibility for this assignment, but I crack him first, and we have all the secrets we need.”

As he observed you return to the opposite side with the overseer, Heeseung's gaze shifted up in fright. Fearing for his life, he flailed his wings in an attempt to flee.

“What the hell, Y/N, I thought we were on the same team.” How could you betray me in such a way?” You walked over to his trembling body and pushed him down so you were above him, laughing loudly. You patted his shoulder as you cackled.

“And they said angels could be trustworthy. I know what I'm worth, and it has nothing to do with you. Heseeung, please accept my apologies. Get him out of here.” The guards grabbed his chains and dragged him to a chamber across the room from you.

As she began to compliment you on your efforts, the supervisor wrapped her arm around your shoulder.

“I'm proud of you, Y/N, even though you used some terrible techniques. I knew you'd be able to pull it off.”

You grinned joyously and thanked her for her faith in you as you looked up at her face. You cast another peek at Heeseung as she stepped forward, and he winked at you. Smirking before he disappeared into the room you chuckled at his behavior.

Everything was going swimmingly, and no one had a clue. I suppose taking over Heaven would be a simple task; if you can blow up the inside, everything will fall apart on its own.

"How could you hide this from all of us?" "Oh God, you underestimated me."

The Beauty of Sin.

☆ ҉ ◢▅◣

➳ Navigate to the Maze

[ac3id]

Plaything | 18+ | part i

plaything 1/ ?? | part 0

pairings: yandere! bully bakugou katsuki x fem! reader

warnings: [series] blackmail, bullying, dubcon/ noncon, filming w/o consent, yandere themes, no quirks au. ALL CHARACTERS ARE ABOVE 18 YEARS OF AGE.

↪ for chapter 1: dubcon, blackmail, humiliation, masturbation, filming w/o consent, boot grinding, a little bit of bakusquad + reader....this is filthy :D 

summary: by luck you get enrolled into u.a high the best school in your town. the only catch is that the school is filled with rich, spoilt and powerful brats who just seem to hate you and among them, a certain red eyed blonde dreads you the most

↪ for chapter 1: you bump into bakugou by accident, dropping your vanilla ice cream all over him, you try to apologize and run away but wants more...oh wait why are his friends standing there recording everything too? 

wordcount. 4k+

a/n: sooooo, it’s finally out! huge thanks to @sawamooora for proof reading this! helped me out a lot <3 sorry for making u sit through that mess x[

 this scene was inspired by that one episode of boys over flowers where the mc’s best friend drops ice cream on the main guy’s shoe and he asks the mc to lick it off...obviously that didn’t happen in the show but it really got me thinking...... 

alsO the netflix show elite,,, i just saw it and knew,,,,

taglist: @mocha-focha​, @erenyeagersbasement​ , @haribo-pop, @sunshine-fangs​, @kuremis​, @amazing-fandoms​,

dm/ inbox/ comment to be added/ removed. 

—navigation

It was a great opportunity. Never in your life would you have thought you’d manage to land a scholarship at the prestigious U.A Private Academy. 

The school was a dream, the best in your city, and only affordable for the rich. Graduating from such a school could have helped you with life in so many different ways. Not only would it open doors you could never touch before, but it would help you to form connections which would make your life undoubtedly easier.

Graduating from U.A. was a blessing, but obviously, it did not come easy. It was rather unfortunate. After your previous school building had collapsed, due to some accident, the board announced its year-long closure.

At the time, you were beyond lost and understandably frustrated - it was your last year before college and you simply couldn't risk waiting the year out. The whole situation was nerve-wracking, looking for decent schools which would allow you in. 

Honestly, you had no idea what you would’ve done if U.A. hadn’t called you that night. 

It was the last day of the summer holidays, a week after your school building had collapsed. Luckily, no one was hurt - but the damage on the campus was severe. 

You had been talking to your friends when your mother rushed into your room with exciting news. Apparently, the chairman of U.A was feeling generous. He had decided to offer four excellent students from your school a scholarship to U.A. 

You were overjoyed being one of the students along with your two other friends; Shinso Hitoshi and Izuku Midoriya. 

At first, the thought was a little scary - going into a completely different world than you were accustomed to. The kids there would be much different than you, you didn't want to be the   laughing stock, you didn’t want to be their silly little entertainment... The thought made you nervous, but when your best friend, Izuku, called you the next night explaining how he also won the scholarship; followed by Shinso, you were relieved. 

Yes, you were stepping into a whole different world but you at least had your two friends with you. 

And that brought you to the first day of school. 

You stood outside the huge gates of the even enormous academy all alone shaking in your little, expensive skirt they forced you to wear as the uniform waiting for your friends. You promised the two boys you’d wait for them, and besides, you weren’t planning on entering the building all alone. 

Your friends, Shinso and Midoriya, lived close to each other. They were supposed to meet you at the gates of the school that morning, but they were running late. Your anxiety grew the longer you stayed there, with students filling the place- arriving in their fancy cars with their expensive bags and accessories. It easily made you feel out of place.

“Hey,” you heard someone before someone tapped on your shoulder. You quickly turned around to greet the voice. Staring back at you was Uraraka Ochaco.

You remembered she was in your school too, Midoriya has a huge crush on her. 

“Yes, Uraraka? Right?” You weren’t close to her, nothing but mere acquaintances. But seeing her face - right here, right now - it made your day. 

Uraraka was dressed in the same uniform as you, there was no doubt that she was one of the four kids who won the scholarship. Both of you talked while you implored her to wait for Midoriya and Shinso. You didn’t fail to notice the way her cheeks turned pink when you mentioned Midoriya. The two of them were so obvious. 

Your friends arrived, they were late, but they came. 

Apparently, there was an accident that forced them to stay back a little longer, but they managed to make it before the first bell. 

“I actually have an old friend who goes there now,” Midoriya confesses out of the blue as the four of you enter the gates. You look at him in awe. 

During the three years in high school that both of you had spent together, he had never mentioned any friend of his going to the U.A. academy ever. 

“Why did you never tell us?” Uraraka asks. 

“well, we’re not on good terms. He used to live in the same neighborhood before his parent’s business took off. He left after middle school.” Midoriya says, a slight frown forming on his face.

“Who is he?” Shinso asks. 

Midoriya pauses briefly before explaining his entire history with a temperamental and rude blonde. Bakugou Katsuki, he calls him. His childhood friend. But from what you managed to gather, Bakugou was anything but a friend to Midoriya. 

Bakugo was once just a simple boy, living a simple life, destined to do great things - but once his parent’s clothing line ‘Dynamite’ blew up and became mainstream, he started drowning in wealth. Bakugo moved out of his old neighborhood at the starting of high school before enrolling in U.A., just like all his rich friends.

“Maybe you should say hi,” Uraraka suggests. Midoriya’s expressions turned sheepish.

“About that…” he started. “I called him yesterday, got his number from mom, and-” he stopped. 

“What did he say?” Shinso asked.

“He told me to get lost and die,” Midoriya said with a slight frown on his face, looking down. 

That was your first impression of Katsuki Bakugou. For a man you had not even met, you sure loathed him. 

School went smoothly for a week, everything was going great. The four of you kept your profile low, didn’t talk until spoken to, kept your distance, and everything was okay. 

People often starred and whispered amongst each other when they saw you in the hallways, but that was about it. Everyone seemed to be decent but… there’s always a but. 

Everything took a turn for the worse when you managed to piss off the wrong person, Bakugo Katsuki himself. 

It was an honest mistake, not even that big of a deal - especially for his standards Yet, for some reason, Bakugo wanted to get under your skin. 

It happened after your lunch break, you were on your way back to your classroom with an ice-cream cone fasted tightly in your hands. You mindlessly dashed through the hallways, trying your best to get back to class as fast as possible - you don’t want to be late. It’d earn you a bad reputation. You don’t need that- you don't want anything which could jeopardize your scholarship. 

You walked straight and took a turn. Just by fate, you bumped into a stiff, hard chest making you wobble on your feet and sending your ice cream from your hand flying straight to the ground.

“Shit,” you cursed, looking down seeing what you had to work with. 

The ice-cream cone splattered on the floor, the white creamy liquid flushed all over the floor along with staining an expensive-looking, black leather boot. A snarl comes from above you along with a group of chuckles. More expensive shoes come into your line of view as you realize you’re not alone. 

You slowly bring your gaze up, ogling at who you just pissed off. 

Staring back at you is a furious blonde, glaring at you with such intensity that it makes your stomach drop. It’s the infamous Bakugou Katsuki, you don’t want to deal with him. 

-

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” you don’t give him a chance to complain as you take your flight. Quickly, you try running away but a large hand grabs your forearm, stopping you dead in your tracks. 

You look to the side, deep red eyes stare right back at you. 

“Where are you running off to? Don’t you think you owe my friend here a proper apology?” Kirishima says, his grip on your arm growing tighter. He towers over you, his huge body trapping you with intimidation.

Going to U.A for over a week there’s a thing or two that you’ve learned about the rich, snobby brats who own the school. Not everyone is bad, a few of them are actually but the rest are just bad. 

Bakugou was the worst. From how Midoriya described him, you knew for a fact he’d be a horrible person. But hell, he managed to prove himself even worse. 

He was crude, mean, downright arrogant, and ignorant. Always screaming unasked opinions on top of his lungs, and gets mad whenever someone disagrees. He acts like the world revolves around him.

 Bakugo had a bunch of friends who he called his “followers” and they weren’t any better.

They just watched while Bakugou ruined everything, they were there to support him. 

Kirishima Eijirou the redhead, he was captain of the football team. He was a jock, brawns over brains kind of person. Girls cooed over him and his overly attractive, hot body. It looked as if he was sculpted by God himself. 

Next was Kaminari Denki. He was in the school band, dating the lead singer. And yet, he managed to find time to flirt with other girls. He was the goofball of the group, dumb and stupid But he always knew what he was doing. Even though it was barely noticeable, you could always see a devious glint in those amber eyes of his. 

Sero Hanta was famous for a lot of reasons. Most notably for having brought illegal drugs on the campus and skipping classes to go down to his junkie hangout spot to smoke weed. The man had no shame. Sometimes, he’d walk into the classrooms high as fuck. The teachers couldn’t do anything even if they tried, his parents practically owned the school; he owned the school. There was no going against the tall, lanky man who looked like he couldn’t even smash a bug. He held the most power and his friends sure knew how to abuse it. 

Last but not least was Mina Ashido. The one and only girl member of the self-proclaimed ‘bakusquad’. Sometimes, Jirou Kyouka, the lead singer of the school, would hang out with the boys and her boyfriend, but she wasn’t a permanent member. Mina was. 

In your opinion, Mina was a nightmare dressed like a daydream. With her short, pink hair and bright smile, she seemed like an angel. But she was the devil. Worse than even Bakugou, perhaps. 

She knew everything about everyone, she had leverage galore: screenshots ready to leak, videos ready to ruin lives. She had them all, and frankly- she scared you the most. 

Kirishima pushed you back, and Bakugo caught you by your shoulders. 

“That was fucking rude,” he growled, biting his fingers into your shoulder blades tight and hard making you squeal. “Are you fucking blind or something? Fucking extra.” 

“I said I’m sorry, let me go will you?” Even in such a terrifying situation, you try to remain calm.

“What do you think, Sero?” Kaminari began. Your heart sank, including Sero into anything was never a good sign. 

“She ruined Bakugou’s new shoes,” he continued. Bakugou’s hold on you tightened and you winced, turning back to him and returning his glare. 

“Okay, what do you want?” you give in, finally. A mischievous spark lights up in his crimson eyes as flashes a cocky smirk to his friends before turning back to you with a frown. He pushes you towards Mina and she catches you with an arm around your shoulder. 

“Those were expensive, right?” she looks at you and then back at Bakugou. He grunts, nodding. 

“Fuck yes, I’m pissed as hell. Some fucking extra managed to ruin it.” 

You look back down to steal a glance at his heavy, leather boot. The small, white stain melted away. 

“What will you do to make up for it?” Mina whispers your name and you cringe. They were teasing you. For their fun, they were making fun of you. 

“What can I do?” you say, sarcastically. Prying yourself away from her hold. The crowd goes dead silent before speaking. Sero is the first one to talk. 

“Lick it off.”

There’s a pause, no one speaks. Your stomach drops and your face pales at the look the five of them are giving you- it’s serious. Dead serious. 

Kaminari bursts out laughing followed by Sero and the others. The four of them get a great laugh but Bakugou stares at you head-on with his grave expressions burning through your soul. 

“Whatcha looking at? Do it,” he commands. 

The laughing dies down and Kaminari speaks, “are you serious? You want her to lick your shoe,” he can’t control his laughter, a chuckle breaks with every word. 

“Yes, I’m fucking serious. Besides, Sero recommended it,” he smirks. “Do you really want to say no to him? I don’t know so much about this but-“ he leans down close to your face, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear, “it might complicate your scholarship.” 

There’s a twisted rhythm in his voice. He’s enjoying tormenting you. You still want to believe that they’re just messing around. That they’ll have their laughs and let you go, but the way Sero stares at you says otherwise. 

“You don’t wanna do it?” Bakugou asks. 

“Of course she doesn’t! That’s gross, oh my god.” Mina exclaims, earning a chuckle from the rest of the boys. 

“Hey, let’s hear it from Sero himself.” Kirishima pats Sero’s back, pushing him forward. The five of them have circled around you, coiling you inside their venomous nest with you in the center. You turn to Sero with pleading eyes, looking up at his huge form, begging. 

He smirks looking down at you, you look so tiny beneath bim. He wants to mess with you, even more, you look like a nice toy to him. He wants to play with it until he can’t. 

“I guess, I did say that-” your blood runs cold, heartbeat picking up in nervousness. “-but you don’t need to do it.” He finishes. Your face lights up while the others groan in disappointment. Bakugou looks livid. 

“Just know that, you’re the one who dropped the ice cream on Bakugou’s shoe and now you’re not even helping him out. That’s not very noble, is it? I don’t know if I even by mistake slipped that info back home- my parents might reconsider whether you truly deserve to be here or not. They don’t really like disrespectful kids who comprise the school’s name.” 

Sero ends his speech with a wide, ear-to-ear grin, followed by a pat to your head. 

“The choice is yours.”  

You pause for a moment and think. Where they were really going to make you do it, where they were really going to humiliate you like this. They were. But were you willing to do it? 

From Sero’s threat, you could tell he was serious, this was legit. 

It wouldn’t have been the first time the school expelled someone who had beef with Sero, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. They don’t care about anyone but their loving son. They wouldn’t even think once before expelling you.

“What’s your answer, princess?” Kirishima teases.

 Mina and Kaminari once again break into fits of laughter.

“What do you mean? She doesn’t have a choice here, kneel you extra.” Your heart hammers in your chest as Bakugou gestures you to kneel. You stop for a second, breathing unevenly- thinking. After a long, thoughtful sigh, you answer. 

“No, I am not going to do it.” Your voice is meek yet clear. Even though you’re trembling under the heavy gazes of five snakes, you choose to stand your ground. 

Bakugou glaring at you while the others boo. 

“Aw, c’mon you don’t mean that.” 

“Don’t be a little brat.” 

Bakugou stays silent while the others continue to throw insults at you -  calling you names and trying to make you regret your decision. You look straight forward into Bakugou’s cold, red eyes, searching for his next move. Your heart beats even harder in your chest with increased anxiety. After watching your torment for more than a few minutes, Bakugo decides he’s had enough of this game.

“Hey, shitty hair,” Bakugo starts. “Punch me.” 

“What?” Kirishima asks, vividly shaken. “Why do you want me to hit you, Bakubro?” 

“Punch me real hard, give me a black eye.” The confusion grows greater on everyone’s faces. You stare at him in awe, wondering what angle was trying to play. 

Kirishima raises his hands in defense. “Woah, dude slow down there. I’m not just going to punch you.” 

Bakugou clicks the roof of his tongue, letting out a sound of irritation. “You all are just dumb,” he starts.

“Imagine if this punny, little,” he leans down closer to you till his lips touch your ears and whispers your name with a crude chuckle. “Were to drop all her food over me, not apologize, punch and me then run away, that’d bring her into a whole world of trouble. Wouldn’t it?” 

Bakugo’s words are calculated and sly, he knows exactly what he’s getting at when he starts. His voice fills you up with dread as he makes his accusations public.

“She would be expelled on spot and Kacchan could also raise charges,” Kaminari adds. 

Your eyes widen in fear. 

“Yeah, I’ll fucking do that.” Mina giggles. “That would succck,” she cheers. Your lower lip quivers as you stare at them in disbelief, your eyes open wide only to be covered with fear. 

“Hey, c’mon, why are you doing this to me?” You feel them inch closer to you, their warmth leeching onto you the longer you stay surrounded by them. 

“Because you have no fucking manners.” Bakugou snarls. 

“Kiri, punch him. What are you waiting for? If you don’t wanna do it I will!” Kaminari cries, growing impatient. 

Kirishima laughs before he charges Bakugou. Your heart hammers in your chest. 

You think about your family, your future, and how disappointed everyone would be with you. Your dreams and aspirations, all were rooted in this school. 

It was honestly sad, pathetic even. Your entire future was just a joke to these spoiled kids. These kids who could control you, and everyone else,  with just a flick of their fingers. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the price to pay for a piece of the beautiful cake known as U.A... You resign yourself to your fate.

A piece of your mind. 

“N-no, don’t do that. I-I’ll do it,” you murmured, your voice timid and weak. The five paused looking at each other with an ominous glint in their eyes. Bakugou was the first to speak. 

“Well, then fucking get on with it. On your knees.” Obediently like a trained puppy, you got down onto your knees, not letting your eyes fall from Bakugou’s face. His red, fierce eyes barked at you with an unknown look, keeping you lost. 

“Holy shit, she’s actually doing this,” Mina squealed watching you lean forward, bringing your face next to Bakugou’s expensive boots.

“Kaminari, record this.” Sero taps at the energetic blonde, forcing him to take his phone out and hit ‘record’. As you lean further to the ground, your short skirt rides up behind you, giving the audience a clear view of your round ass and pastel panties. The sight brings a smile to Bakugou’s face as he scoffs. 

“Cute panties,” he remarks. 

You jerk, trying desperately to sit back, but Bakugo stops you. Smashing his other foot on top of your shoulder, he holds you there facing the ground.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” he growls.

You squirm, almost falling under his weight and as much you hate to admit it, a tingle of excitement runs down your spine. This was turning you on.

 A row of whistles flood in, the boys start teasing you and praising Bakugou. 

“Lick it off,”  he commands. 

You look down at his leather boot, the ice cream almost melted. There’s still a bright white spot of the sweet now liquid splayed out. Even though it’s not a lot, it still makes you cringe. You peek your shy, little tongue out timidly, forcing yourself to do the heinous deed. 

Bakugou watches you hesitate and pushes on your shoulder harder making you reach towards him. 

You give in after a final attempt, diving into his wishes. Your wet tongue touches the rough, cold leather. You cringe after a single touch, closing your eyes and scrunching your nose at the salty taste. “Clean it all off,” he commands.

You dive back in, this time letting your tongue glide across a larger portion. The humiliation burns through your body. It makes you uncomfortably hot, mostly from anger and but a little bit of arousal.

“Nice ass.” 

There it is. The excitement comes back the moment they start making suggestive comments, the attention riles you up and it’s horrible. 

“Kaminari are you even supposed to be here? Don’t you have a girlfriend?” Mina asks at the blonde pervert who was currently zooming on your ass. 

“Oh? We’re cool as long as I don’t stick my dick her,” he points to you. “That’s hella fucking tempting but I’m in love, dude.” He chuckles to himself, thinking about his girlfriend. 

They treat you like an object, talking about you like you were some sort of a toy. 

“Bet her pussy is tight,” Sero says. 

Kirishima turns to Bakugou, looking at him with pleading eyes. “Yo, Bakubro, can we touch her?” 

Bakugou looks on from watching you lick his boot and turns to Kirishima. A dark, unsettling gaze falls across his eyes as he speaks, “No. This one is mine.” he stares down at you. 

You stop lapping on his shoe and stand back on your knees, buckling your knees you try to get up but Bakugou harshly kicks your shoulder, throwing you back and making you cry. 

“Why did you do that?” you squeal, holding onto your bruised shoulder, glaring at him intently. 

The rest of the group goes quiet at the display of Bakugou’s sudden violence. 

He stands between your thighs, lazily resting his foot atop of your soft thighs. 

“You’re fucking pathetic, you know that?” the angle you were spread out in had your skirt flipped over hips, displaying your pretty, pastel panties to everyone in the room. 

Even though it’s subtle, masked by everyone’s fear of what Bakugou was planning, you still feel everyone’s gaze focused right on you and more specifically at your clothed cunt. Bakugou presses hard on your thigh making you cry. 

“Useless Deku’s friends are just like him. The fucking second you walked in here, I knew you were just another useless insect for me to stomp on.” He pauses, smirking, pressing his foot onto you even harder, twisting his ankle to increase the burning sting surging across your right thigh. “And I’m doing just that.” 

He steps off you for a moment, letting you catch your breath and recover from the burn. His eyesight travels lower down to your panties. He admires the cute pair you had on. Normally when he’d see girls naked, they’d dress themselves up the most luxurious to match his standards. But that’s not you, that could never be you. 

He rejoices at the thought of seeing your flushed, tear-stained face breaking down under him. You’ll never be like those girls, always a step behind. He can build you up and break you however he likes, you’d have no say in it. 

The power trip drives him crazy. 

He presses the tip of his boot over your clothed clothed cunt, pushing the hard material right over your sensitive clit. 

You gasp at the feeling, looking up at him with terrified eyes. He smirks down at you, moving his foot in a steady rhythm, rubbing the fabric of your cotton panties against your little pearl. 

“This turning you on? What a freak.” The rest of his group basks in shock. They watch intently as the scene spiraled out for them, too captivated to make any comments. They just keep quiet and stare. 

The way you squirm under Bakugou as he plays with your cute clit so unforgivingly makes them hot with excitement. Kaminari feels a little guilty but he blames it on his nature as a man.

Sero feels a little bad for you, they all do. But then again they wouldn’t waste the opportunity to be in Bakugou’s footsteps- literally. 

“You’re a little slut, you know that?” Bakugou sneers. 

Your gasps turn into whimpers as his simulation becomes harder. You clench your fists, desperately wishing it to be over. Tears brim in your eyes at the sheer humiliation of your corrupted form. This was just too much, too much for you to handle. 

“Please, stop,” you beg, knowing he wouldn't listen. “I’ll report you,” you cry.  A roar of laughter starts, shutting you up. 

“Go for it, you do that.” Mina comments. Kaminari walks closer to you, bringing the camera down to your face recording your horrified expressions. 

“We’ll just go ahead and post this online.” he threatens. 

A drop of tear falls down your waterline following a waterfall. You cry, leave all of your dignity behind and cry. You beg them to stop but as your pleas mix with your moans, it’s hard for anyone to understand what you’re saying. It’s not like they don’t know what you’re asking them for, they just turn deaf, simply because they can. 

Bakugou stops, he takes a step back, leaving you alone. You let out the tiniest cry when he leaves, ditching you just when you need his touch the most. 

“Feels like I’m doing too much of the work, if you want it so bad, do this yourself.” He says. Your body still burns with desire, your clit still hard and cunt salivating, you are nowhere close to being done... 

It’s as if something takes over and you are possessed by the dire need to cum, you do exactly as he says. 

You snake your fingers down your panties, deliberately rubbing on your swollen little clit before pushing your finger into your drenched cunt. You cry out as you clench around your finger, the pleasure becoming unbearable. Your legs shake and you close your eyes shut. 

You stay there on the floor, fingering yourself in the corridor, without any shame, while Kaminari records all of it. 

“She’s gonna give me a hard-on,” Kirishima says and you moan.

“She really is a slut, huh?” Sero comments. 

“She’s cute,” Mina adds with a smile. 

Bakugou scoffs, “does Deku know how much of a whore you are?” He asks. 

You don’t pay any attention to what he says, too busy bringing yourself to your climax.

“You’re getting all this right?” Mina looks over Kaminari’s shoulder and onto the phone screen which captures you beautifully losing yourself for everyone to see. 

“You close?” Bakugou asks as you feel yourself clench around fingers tightly, he bends down on his and pulls your panties down your hips, admiring your precious cunt. 

“Cute pussy,” he remarks before flicking your sensitive, hardened clit.

A rush of pleasure washes down your body as you cry while cumming. Bakugou pushes you right over the edge, a nasty grin screaming atop his face as he watches you. You curse at yourself for letting him see you like this, but there’s not much you can do but cry while you feel your juices gush around you before sliding down your thighs and onto the dirty floor. 

It takes a second for you to calm down and when you do come to your senses, dread fills you up. Tears shamelessly fall down your face as you realize what you just did. The others laugh at you, without feeling any remorse. 

Bakugou continues to stare at you with an unsettling look, while the others discuss the heinous crime you’ve just committed. 

Sero looks down at you and you catch his dark eyes staring at you. A toothy grin scavenges his face as he speaks. 

“Awesome,” he says as if he just finished some mediocre movie. 

Finally, you find the courage to get up and run. 

This was totally not awesome. 

[jtsfavslut]

Falling [G.D]

Description: Just when Y/N thought she was over Grayson, he pops back into her life, making her wonder if you could fall for the same person twice. Inspired by ‘Falling’ - Harry Styles. 

Warnings: None, Just sad stuff lmao!!!

Word Count: 4K+

Also a special thanks to cole [ @blazedgraysons​] for keeping up with my annoying ass questions while I wrote this, and for helping me and giving me advice I love you <333

   Her small feet carried her body down the familiar street, cars zooming past her as her body softly bumped into the others around her. The loud sounds from the environment being blocked away by the soft, yet loud music that was coming out of an old pair of Airpods she had gotten for Christmas back in High School.

This was Y/N's daily routine. Get up early in the morning, do her business in the bathroom, get dressed, and walk over to her favorite cafe. The Beachwood cafe had become Y/N's second home ever since she moved to L.A, spending most of her time there, before and after class.

A smile lit up her face as the familiar blue door came into her view, a content sigh falling past her lips as she got closer to the door.

The strong smell of coffee hit her nostrils as she walked inside, music being paused as she walked fully inside, giving her attention to the cashier that greeted her every morning, "Hi Y/N, your stuff is on your table," she smiled up at Y/N before pointing towards her usual table.

It was the one by the window in the corner of the shop, the bright yellow and blue floor illuminated her small journey to the table, where her coffee and breakfast sandwich happily waited for her to approach. She sat down, hand reaching into her Yellow Kanken backpack, another Christmas gift from high school that she dearly took care of, she pulled out a brown journal and a pen.

A journal filled with memories and random thoughts that popped in her head. Y/N thought writing things down was good for the mind and body. She believed that writing things down would help you keep your thoughts safely, and lock memories into place without overworking your mind. A pen that has been through many journeys on the same yet different page.

All pages were the same until the pen went over it, recording things until the end of time. They were all the same until she wrote down her thoughts for the day.

Her small hand gripped onto the pen as she wrote down her thoughts from the previous night, coffee cup in the other hand as she slowly sipped the liquid.

Last night I thought of him again, just until I drifted off. I don't know why. It hasn't happened in months. Nothing bad, just a memoir of all of our memories together. Like the time we broke into the school's pool one night. Where he pushed me in with all my clothes on, then he jumped in and we made out by the stairs. Funny how we never got caught since cameras were around us. Or when we had our senior trips to the mountains in Colorado, and how he kept sneaking into the girls' room just to be with me. We were lucky we didn't get caught again. I tried to not keep thinking about him. I know it's time to finally drop it and move on, but how? How do I erase all those memories from my brain? How am I supposed to just drop it and move along? Just how? I don't need or want to know why just how.

She softly slammed the notebook closed, right before she could feel a slight burning in her eyes and a rock starting to form in her throat. The subject of her and a past lover that she was still holding onto, still being a deep wound to her.

She thought about and remembered Grayson every day. After all, he was her everything during her entire High School life, and he still was…...sort of.  Grayson and Y/N started dating in the 9th grade, right about in the middle of the year. He asked her out behind the school's bleachers during lunchtime, a mixture of flowers from his mom's garden that she shyly accepted from him after she said yes. That was followed by their date to the movie theater, where he held her close to him every time she faked being a little scared, not that he could tell, and three dates after he officially asked her out where she said yes again, and that was followed by an accidental kiss, he was leaning towards her cheek when she accidentally moved her head to the side, causing his lips to land on hers. Neither of them complained, just smiled at each other and carried on.

They went on for 6 years, all of high school and two college years, where he decided to break it off because of distance. He went off on how being across the country from one another was hard, and the fact that the time difference from New York to California was 3 and 4. She didn't complain. Didn't give a reason as to why not, even if she had trillions of them. She didn't try to change his mind. She simply said okay, and wished him the best. She still loved him though.

The words that her grandpa had spoken replayed in her brain every time she questioned why she still thought about him; "You never stop loving anyone sugar, you just kinda love someone stronger. If you stop loving them, then you never loved them to begin with" She thought about that, and that made her feel better. Maybe there was someone out there who she would love more than she loved Grayson.

With a quiet sigh, she put her journal away, switching it with a book she picked up at the library a few days prior, yet read a million times.

To Kill A Mockingbird is a book she read many times in school, mostly everyone has. It's the one book from school she actually enjoyed, so she picked it up from the book shop down the street from her apartment before work one day, and didn't get to read it until now.

She opened the book with a small smile, the sensation of the book against her finger bringing nothing but happiness to her, and took her mind off whatever was bothering her. She lost herself in the book, almost done with half of the book before her alarm rang, signaling it was time for work. She left a 20 on the table after putting all her stuff away in her backpack and walking out of the shop and towards her job which was a paid internship at a local hospital downtown, all she did was watch and help out with minor cases like cuts, sprains, X Ray's and the occasional stuff like questioning. She entered the hospital, sanitizing herself and changing into her uniform, walking over to her area, that being the Pediatrics Emergency room where her boss, mentor, whatever you might want to call him, Dr. Reyez, and the rest of the team were waiting for her.

"Morning everyone," she chirped at the tired yet awake health care workers, who all had smiles on their faces. "Morning Y/N, you're going to be practicing by yourself today, can you handle it?" Dr. Reyez asked her, which she just nodded her head with a smile. There wasn't a single ounce of doubt in her brain.

"I'm pretty sure yes! And I can just reach out to you guys if anything, right?"

"Yeah, just page us if anything. Your first patient should be here soon, just go wait by the desk," Reyez instructed her and that's exactly what she did. She sat on the desk for over 20 minutes until someone came in with a toddler covered in rashes.

"Hi baby, I just need to ask you and mommy a few questions, yeah?" She sweetly and patiently asked the 5 year old as his mom was filling out some papers, to which he just nodded his head.

"Okay, Xavion, did you eat something new today? Maybe something you've never eaten?" She asked and both the mom and son nodded their heads.

"Do you think he was allergic to something?" The mom asked, causing Y/N to shrug.

"Well, it depends. We need to get an allergy test for him. It doesn't hurt or anything, we just scratch and pour a drop of the allergen over it and see how they react. Mom, do you happen to remember what he ate today for the first time?" She replied by recording some notes down on her clipboard before telling a nurse to get an Allergy Antibody Test ready.

"He ate everything that he usually does except for some broccoli I gave him," the mom replied and Y/N nodded her head before writing it down on her clipboard and walking them to the testing room.

Once the results came back around half an hour later, Xavion was, in fact, allergic to broccoli, and other things that Y/N had to explain to the mother. She got about 15 minutes of break time before Reyez called her another minor emergency.

"It's an 11 year old, possible breakage or sprain to the leg, you can handle this one right?" He asked and she nodded her head, "Good, they're in room 217, good luck," he added before sending her off to the room.

She quickly made her way over to it, grabbing her clipboard on the way, "Hi, I'm Dr.Y/LN, I'm going to be taking care of you guys today! May I have the child's name and date of birth please?" She nicely asked as she walked inside the room, quickly walking over to the desk area that was in the corner and placing her stuff down.

"Uhhh, Caleb Dolan, August 17, 2008," a deep voice that she could recognize from anywhere spoke as she turned around. Her heart dropped at the sight of Grayson in front of her. She tried to reassemble herself, after all, she couldn't make any mistakes right now, Reyez was trusting her and she couldn't afford to mess the opportunity up.

"Caleb, August 17, 2008," she mumbled as she wrote it down on her piece of paper, "Caleb, do you mind telling me what happened, babe?" She asked with a smile on her face. Her smile turned into a small frown as she looked up at the boy who happened to be in pain.

"Me and uncle Gray were practicing for the soccer game that's next and I fell on the mud and hit my leg really hard," he explained as she walked towards him nodding her head.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, One being okay while 10 being the worst, how would you rate the pain?" She asked, walking over to the walk to grab a pair of gloves, putting them on, and walking back towards him.

"Uhh a seven," he replied and she nodded her head.

"Okay Caleb, just know this might hurt a little okay? It's just protocol to check if it's dislocated, broken, or sprained okay?" She asked and he nodded his head, a few tears falling down his face from fear. Grayson quickly leaned down to wipe off his face whispering a quiet 'you'll be okay' as Caleb grabbed his hand.

"Can you try and move your ankle for me? Just try and move it," she explained and he muttered at quiet yes before moving his foot in a slow circle, she nodded her head before placing both hands over his ankle checking for any bumps, which there were none to find, "Luckily for you Caleb, it's just sprained! There are no bumps meaning it's not dislocated, and you can move it meaning it's not fractured! Just to make sure, we're going to need an X Ray' just to make sure there are no hidden surprises yeah? Dr. Lindsey will do those with you, and I'll be right here when you come back," she smiled up at the boy before Dr. Lindey moved him to a wheelchair and took him to the X Ray room, leaving Y/N and Grayson alone in painful silence.

"So this is what you do? This is where you work?" Grayson was the first to speak after a couple of quiet seconds,

She cleared her throat and nodded her head, placing her hands inside her white jacket, "Yeah. It's a paid internship so it's basically a job, what about you? What are you doing here?" She asked to make direct eye contact with him.

"Moved here after me and E graduated, looking for some roles and an agent," he spoke, his voice not as deep yet shakier than when he first spoke.

"Any luck with that?"

"Yeah. We've landed a few small roles here and there," he answered and she just nodded her head.

"That's good! I'm glad everything's working out for you," She gave him a genuine smile before continuing to fill out Caleb's paperwork.

"Listen, I know it's been 2 years but-," Grayson began to speak before Y/N cut him off. "-Grayson just don't. I'm at work right now, and it's enough seeing you after 2 years, but I don't really need this right now. I'm sorry," She apologized before leaving the room to get some papers before walking back in, thankfully Caleb was already in the room when she walked in.

"I'm going to wrap your ankle up with this and then you're good to go, buddy. Make sure you don't apply pressure on it for two weeks. And carefully when you're playing any sport, I don't want you back here," she said while wrapping his ankle up carefully. She gave Grayson the discharge papers, their hands touching each other for a split second before she pulled away waving them off before walking to where her team was.

"That guy was looking at you intensely," Reyez pointed out, earning a glare from her.

"Don't even start," she rolled her eyes before taking a sip from her water bottle that was on her desk.

"Wait is that the?" Jacob, one of the nurses, asked and she nodded her head.

"Yeah, that's him," she sighed, shaking her head.

"Holly shit Y/N, I knew you said he was hot, but girl? That man is hotter than-,"

"Mackenzie, don't you dare," Y/N joked towards her other co-worker, "God why do you do this to me? I was almost over him and then you put him on my path again? The universe hates me,"

"I'd go for it again if I were you," Mackenzie encouraged earning a glare from her.

"Alright, leave her alone before she starts to crumble, Mackenzie go fill out reports, Y/N go take a breather," Reyez ordered them around and they all nodded their heads, going on their way to do what they were told.

. . .

Soft snores began to quietly run past her lips as she drifted off to sleep, all before a feeling of suddenly falling down an empty whole woke her up. She shook her head letting out a quiet 'fuck' before turning to look towards the clocks on her nightstand, 3:30 AM being brightly displayed on it. Y/N let out a loud sigh, knowing she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon.

Her mind suddenly clouded with knotted thoughts and notions, too many of them just to focus on a single one. She pushed her body up, just enough for her to reach over and grab the small yellow backpack that she lazily threw on the floor, pulling her journal and pen out before throwing it back on the floor.

She clicked the pen and opened the journal, blank pages waiting to be filled up, her hand delicately moved along the paper as she scribbled letters and words on the empty pages, thoughts clearing out of her head, one by one.

I saw him today. He looked different. He's grown. After it all, it has been two years. His voice is deeper too. He wanted to talk, but I said no. Maybe if I did, I would fall for him again, or something. I'm doing just fine, so why did he have to move here. Anyway, Reyez finally allowed me to take care of patients by myself today. It was fun, I liked it, I guess. Luckily I'm free tomorrow because I can't sleep at all now. Maybe it's the repeating thoughts of him running through my mind, or just simply the lack of melatonin in my body right now. I'll probably go to the park tomorrow, stop at the cafe first then make my way there, but anyway, I'm going to try and sleep now.

It was a quick entry, nothing special, just her major thoughts being written down, just enough for her to feel better. She got up from the bed walking over to the kitchen grabbing a water bottle before leaning against the counter and sipping it. She crossed her bare legs over each other, looking out of the big window in her living room. Her favorite part about the apartment? It was the window that looked down on bright LA city. Y/N could sit there for hours and not notice the time pass by, she knows this because it happened before. She left the kitchen and walked towards the window, propping her body down on the small couch she had in front of the window. She laid her head on her hand, watching the few cars that sped down the street, the small yet bright red lights disappearing into the distance as her eyes followed them until they could.

Her eyes softly closed as she laid down on the couch, drifting off into another universe. The next morning she woke up at around 8 AM, doing her daily routine, except she stopped at the Cafe, picked her things up, and made her way to the park. It was an old park, there was an old playground that seemed like it hadn't been used in years. She sat down on an old bench drinking her coffee as she watched the scenery.

She didn't take her notebook out, her mind not having any thoughts, or at least no thoughts relevant enough for her to write down. She just took her time to take her surroundings in. She admired how the wind moved the trees, yet they were so strong they didn't crack. The way the birds lifted off whatever surface they were, and drifted off into the sky. She admired the rare butterflies that randomly appeared just to disappear once again. She simply admired the earth, something that she didn't do quite often; Always being too deep in her thoughts to actually study the things around her.

"They're beautiful aren't they?" Grayson's voice spoke out of nowhere, making Y/N do a slight jump in her seat as her heart raced.

She brought her hand up to her chest, a sigh falling past her lips as she glared at Grayson who was chuckling, "You fucking scared me,"

"Sorry," he sighed, sitting down next to her.

They both let out sighs. Both knowing that there was no escaping the conversation that was about to happen, a conversation that was long due.

"You could, hmm, you could go first," she spoke after a few moments of silence, throat dried making her clear it in the middle of some of her words.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. You were working, and Ummm, it wasn't the right place or time to talk about things. I'm also sorry because I never gave you an explanation as to why we should've broken up. After all, you didn't ask anyway," He softly spoke. He thought every word through, studied each meaning before letting them run past his lips.

"I didn't ask because it's what you wanted. Your decision was clearly made. I mean, I don't think breaking up with someone is a spontaneous thought is it? Your decision was made, and if you felt like I was holding you back, then I had to let you go, if I loved you, then I think I did the right thing." Her words were careful too. And quiet, so quiet feeling that if she spoke too loud the things around her would break.

"I didn't want to break up. I felt like it was the right thing to do, you know? We were always so busy, and we made time for each other, but it was exhausting. And when you were out with friends, I felt like I was annoying you or something," he sighed and she shook her head, the thought of her ever getting annoyed at Grayson's presence being absurd.

"Oh God absolutely not," she chuckled, "I thought I was annoying you. Like I wondered if you talked about me, or not. I wanted to know if I annoyed you because I felt like I did,"

It was true. In her journal, multiple pages were filled out with her question herself on whether Grayson talked about her or not. Even after the breakup, she wondered if he'll ever need her. Most pages were about him, all of her thoughts revolved around him, always.

"I did. All the time, to the point where I said your name subconsciously," he smiled, remembering the conversations he had with his friends about her, and how great she was.

"I did too, well not say but write," she sighed, leaning her back on the bench.

"You wrote about me?"

"Grayson you know I did, that's a dumb question," She shook her head, taking a sip of the coffee that was somehow still warm.

"Do you still write about me?" He asked and she stayed quiet, not knowing whether she should answer truthfully or not.

"Honestly speaking, I do. I write about everything that comes to mind, so sometimes? Yeah," she sighed, knowing that it would be easier if they just told the truth.

Maybe this was the closure that they both needed, yet never got. Maybe this was going to help her fully move on from him, and have thoughts that don't include her.

Or maybe not. Maybe this would help them reconnect. Y/N left it all up to the universe. She was a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and that you can't change your future since it's already written about. When she got home after a couple of hours she took a shower, lit on her favorite candles, and did the expected. She took out her notebook and wrote.

We spoke today. He told me the reason why we broke up. It wasn't an intentional meeting though, I was just admiring nature. I was looking at the butterflies I think. He randomly spoke. And I know it was long due and needed so I just told him to say it. It's better to just get it over with than to just keep pushing it back, I think. He told me why he wanted to break up, which right now, sounds like a valid reason. I just wonder why he didn't just say it back then. It would've saved me a lot of nights, don't you think? He now knows I write about him, and where I go to write about him. Maybe I shouldn't go there anymore. It sounds out of this world I know. But maybe, just maybe, I should just close that chapter in my life.

There are just too many memories of him at Beachwood. That's where he surprised me the first time he came to visit. And it's where I write about him the most. I could find another cafe near here, there's plenty.

I just wonder if we're ever going to see each other again. If I'll ever fall for him again, if that is even possible. Because I don't think you could fall for the same person twice, right?

That was the last page in her journal. All the pages filled with her delicate letters, her writing being eternal. Filled with on-going words until the end, where an unanswered question laid. The weight that was once on her shoulders began to fade, and for once in her life, the thought of her future no longer made her afraid.

 This is the first time I’m proud of a something I wrote, so if this flops, I will deactivate! Just kidding, sort of. Anyways, yeah, I feel like my writing has improved, and as always, if you have any tips, and/or constructive critism, please, please, please drop them in my inbox, and don’t worry, I won’t say your hurting my feelings lmfao!! 

Tag List:   @guiltydols @evergreendolan @ydolanssss @rhyrhy462 @resilientdolan @simplyxdolxstyles @simplyxdolxstyles​ {If you wanna be added to my Tag List, just let me know :) lol}

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Love

One-Shot

Description: Asexual!Bucky thinks he is broken beyond repair, until you show him that he has been complete all this while.

Warnings: Angst, bad language, mention of sex toys, romance and fluff

@jtargaryen18 organised a writing challenge for reaching 4k followers and of course I have to participate multiple times! 😍 I am sorry this entry is a little late 🙈

My Main Masterlist

A/N: This is the first time I am writing an asexual character. Whatever I have written is based upon my knowledge that I have gathered by reading various articles and posts on asexuality. The reason I am writing this is because I want to have an equal amount of straight and LGBTQ+ stories in my masterlist, so that there's something for everyone to enjoy. Hence, if you are an asexual person or know someone who is, and you realise that anything in my story is incorrectly represented, then please let me know. I will immediately correct it, issue an apology and accept my mistake publicly. 

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

"I cannot fucking believe this!" Karen shouted, "What are you like gay or something?"

Bucky winced at her venomous words. "You need to leave," he said in a quiet, respectful tone.

"Like hell I am going to leave. I want answers!" she placed her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. "What is it? Am I not sexy enough for you? Are you not attracted by this?!" she gestured towards the skimpy lingerie currently hugging her body.

Bucky met her eyes as he responded, "I do not want to have sex with you." 

She huffed, clearly not convinced, "Why not? We have been going out for what, 3 months now? And you still don't want to have sex with me? What is the issue here? Is it-" she paused suddenly, her eyes traveling down his torso to his crotch, "You can't get it up can you?" she sneered.

Bucky shook his head, too exhausted to deal with her, "Karen, it's nothing like that. I just do not want to get physical with you. That's all."

"Oh! Ooooohh!" she bent backwards a bit, "So it was fine to hug me, cuddle with me and hold my hands. But when it comes to sex, you suddenly become a pious celibate saint! What the fuck Bucky?"

Bucky sighed, and handed Karen back her coat, "We are done. Please leave."

She laughed dryly, "Oh abso-fucking-lutely we are done. You know what I think?" she asked while wearing the coat, "I think that you are too old grandpa and that your tiny ass tortured gay dick cannot salute on its own. Because no man in his right mind would deny this," she again pointed to herself. "Super-soldier my ass," she muttered as she left.

The door to his apartment closed with a loud bang, leaving an echo in its wake. Bucky stood still, rooted to his spot. If it were not for the silent tears rolling down his cheeks, anybody could have mistaken him for a statue. 

Slowly, he sat on the floor, his gentle sobs rocking his body as he hugged his knees. 

Decades of torture by the hands of Hydra had left him crippled, physically, mentally and emotionally. When he had been saved by Steve, he had started to piece his life back together, bit by bit. Things such as books, movies, music became tiny jigsaw pieces that slowly filled the void in his life. 

After the final galactic battle with Thanos, Bucky had been officially initiated to the Avengers team, or rather what was left of it. The team soon became an extended family, a family that Bucky was still getting used to. It was especially irksome when Sam and Scott decided to set him up on a date with Karen from Research & Development (R&D), despite his protests.

It wasn't that Bucky didn't desire a relationship. He wanted to be close to someone, experience romance, feel their heartbeat in a close embrace and place light kisses on their forehead. 

But he didn't want to have sex.

At first, he thought he might not have met the right woman. So he searched for porn online, which did little to sway his feelings. He put the issue on a backburner, the safety of the people and the urgency of his missions steering the wheel of his life for a while. 

But when Sam and Scott proudly announced their grand plans for Bucky's date, he remembered his "issue" again. He looked at Karen closely whenever they went on dates together. She looked perfect. Beautiful hair, soft glowing skin, curves in all the right places, all packed in a graceful, slender body.

Bucky liked being close to her, but he was still not getting aroused. Hence, he stopped her advancements everytime she tried to get physical. Karen tolerated it for a while, before her patience wore out tonight.

As the sun rose in the sky, Bucky was still seated on the floor, his cheeks now stained with tears that had stopped sometime in the night, though a sniff escaped from him every few minutes. He looked at the sunlight pouring in from the window, broken by the window-panes, landing at his feet in two rays with a comforting warmth. It was in that moment that Bucky realised, Hydra had truly broken him.

🏳️‍🌈

"We have various types of dildos available. There's The Classic, Textured, Long and Thin, Short and Thick, Vibrators, Transparent Plexiglass Dildos, Strap-Ons, G-Spot Dildos, Double-Ended, Squirting Dildos and ones that also come with a suction grip. Are you looking for yourself or are you looking for something to enjoy with your partner?" the helpful saleswoman asked you.

You stroked your chin in thought, "It's only for me. I already have a vibrator that I bought about a year back. The G-Spot ones have never really worked for me. I am looking to try something new. What is the suction grip one?" 

The attendant handed you the dildo and showed you the suction grip at the end of it, "You can use this to place and stick it on any flat surface you want, whether it's the floor or the wall or the side of your desk. It guarantees a completely hands-free pleasurable experience."

You stuck it on the wall besides the showcase to test the theory. It worked. "Neat! I will take this one," you smiled as the attendant went to fetch a fresh piece.

You paid for your new sex toy and walked back to the Avengers compound with your small white shopping bag in tow.

When you reached your desk, you heard Karen bitching as usual about something to Jessica. At first, you blocked them out like you did almost everyday, but then a name in their conversation caught your attention.

"He's the Winter Soldier alright. He's completely frozen down there," Karen whispered loudly with disgust. 

"Even that red sexy lingerie didn't do anything for him?" Jessica gasped dramatically.

"No!"

"That's crazy! That hot-red piece will convert even the most gayest of the guys! And it didn't do anything for him? Wow," Jessica responded.

Karen added, "You know something? I have always thought he was extremely weird. Like, dude, I know you were tortured by Hydra or whatever, but get over it man! It's been years since he was free. He should enjoy life and stop being such a wimp. I am 100% sure he is impotent."

"You know I was digging into him the other night," Jessica said in a hushed whisper, "and I saw a message board online which suggested that his penis has been completely cut by Hydra. This person knows all such secrets about these alleged superheros. You should follow him."

"What is his username?"

"Proud-Flat-Earther-MotherFuckers. Wait, I will send you the link," Jessica offered. 

Having heard enough of their nonsense, you made your way towards the HR department. Maybe both Karen and Jessica had forgotten, but talking about the personal lives of Avengers was strictly against the rules and was considered as reason enough to fire employees. 

You filed a complaint with the HR and within a few hours, both the women were fired on the spot. You savored the moment with relish, as their faces turned aghast at the realisation that their actions had consequences. You went up to them, watching the pair clean their desks, with unabashed glee. 

"You know something Karen?" you asked her, "Just because a man refuses to have sex, it didn't mean that he's a wimp, or gay or an impotent. But if you do choose to think of him that way, then it surely makes you a sexiest and a homophobic person."

Karen looked at you furiously, "You bitch! I lost my job because you went and blabbed in front of the HR!"

You chuckled at her outburst, "Oh my dearest Karen. Yes I did go and rat you out to the HR. But that's not what got the two of you fired."

"Then what did?" Jessica asked as she joined the conversation. 

You folded your hands for effect, "Your hateful comments and toxic views cost you your jobs. People like you think that just by using the latest iPhone or following the latest trends, you are a modern, 21st century person. But in reality, it is your open mindset which makes you a member of the modern society. If you would open your mind just as much as you open your legs, trust me, the two of you will be much better off."

You turned to leave, but stopped yourself, "Just a suggestion. Stop using words like gay and impotent as insults. It will help you retain your next job for a longer time." You winked at their speechless faces, and happily returned to your desk. 

Your job in R&D was taxing and so, you always found yourself working late. Today was no exception either. As you left your office at around 8pm, you saw Bucky heading towards the elevator which led to his apartment. You always had a soft spot for the brunette super-soldier. For starters, you couldn't even begin to comprehend the tortures he must have endured in his past. And the fact that he was trying to piece his life back together again? It was truly commendable.

He always kept to himself, his eyes downcast and his body language unsure. And after what you had heard today, you felt even more sorry for the guy. Turning towards the cafeteria, you picked up a box of vanilla-strawberry French macarons for him, thanking the heavens above for the free food available at the Avengers compound. You held the white bag with macarons in your left hand, being mindful of not confusing it with the similar white bag in your right which contained your new sex toy. 

A few moments later, you found yourself in front of his apartment. You had visited him twice before to adjust his vibranium arm or to sort out a few tweaks, but never before had you visited him so late in the evening. 

You knocked, feeling a little hesitant as you did so. He was surprised to find you standing on the opposite of the door, however, he still greeted you courteously nonetheless. 

Before you could state your reason for the visit, he said sincerely, "I heard what you did today. Thank you. I really appreciated it."

Now it was your turn to be surprised, "Oh. Ummm. It's okay really Mr Barnes. It was nothing. You don't need to-"

"No. It wasn't just nothing. You could have turned a deaf ear and ignored them. Yet you chose to stand-up for me. Thank you," a small smile laced his face and you melted on the spot.

You had a crush on Bucky. A BIG one. Could anyone blame you? This guy was a hot, sexy mess of an ice-cream sundae that left you hungry for more even on the coldest nights of the year. 

You realised you were staring into his steel-blue eyes like a creep, and immediately cleared your throat. "What-what they did was wrong. Karen had no right to demean you for your desires or lack of them. I-," you sighed, "I am sorry for what she said. It was disrespectful and hurtful. So I brought you something that I hope will cheer you up."

You awkwardly raised your right hand, "I got you some vanilla-strawberry macarons from the cafeteria."

Bucky did cheer up a bit at the mention of his favourite food. He eagerly took the bag with a huge smile, "Thank you," he said once again as you shook your head. "Thank you for everything you do to keep us safe Mr Barnes. I must be on my way now. Goodnight," and with that you left, grinning like an idiot.

🏳️‍🌈

You took a bath, ate your dinner and slipped into comfortable pyjamas. Excited to try your new sex toy tonight, you unpacked the bag expecting to see the nondescript box of the dildo. Instead, 5 delicious macarons stared back at you with innocence. 

You stumbled backwards in shock, the impact of your action settling like a dull, heavy weight in your stomach. "Oh no no no no," you whispered, horrified.

You immediately rushed to your window and pulled aside the curtain to look at Bucky's building, as if expecting to see him staring daggers at you. One of the privileges of working with the Avengers? You got to stay in a nice apartment within the compound itself. Your residential complex was a little further away from the main building, covered easily by 15 minutes of walking. 

Feeling hyper, you frantically searched for a coat and almost ran out of your house. You rushed back in to keep the box in the bag and again, dashed towards the elevator. 

Hoping that Bucky would have yet to open the box, you sent a silent prayer to all the gods and goddesses in the skies above, even Thor. Meh, you never know when an ex-Avenger could be of help.

You sprinted towards the other building, a multitude of thoughts clouding your mind- What if he was offended by it? Would he file a complaint against me? It would be sorta ironic if I was fired for this! Shit he would think my apology was false and I am probably mocking him.

You reached his apartment, a panting, huffing mess of a person. You knocked frantically, his door shaking with force at your desperation. However, you jumped as Bucky whispered your name from behind you, "Are you okay? What's going on?" he asked with concern as you turned around to face him.

"Did-did you op-open the bo-ox?" you questioned him while panting like a dog. 

He furrowed his brows in response, "No I was planning to open it in a few minutes. Please tell me what's going on. Why do you look so scared?"

You bent over double, your stomach cramping thanks to your impromptu running, "Thi-this is your bag," you held up the package, "That ba-bag is mine."

"Okay," Bucky said slowly, still unsure of your behaviour, "Should I open the door to retrieve your bag?"

You nodded as he stepped aside, "Why are you not wearing any shoes?"

You looked down at your feet at his query, small blades of grass had stuck to your naked feet along with dirt. "I was in a hur-hurry to get to you," you managed to say between your breaths.

Bucky just nodded in response. It was then that you noticed the pack of paper tissues in his hand. He opened the door and stepped inside, beckoning you to follow him. He pointed to the white bag kept on the table while he looked at it with worry. "Will it explode?" he solicited.

"Uhh no," you replied awkwardly.

"Is it dangerous?" curiosity etched on Bucky's face as you swapped the bags.

"No, it's nothing like that," you looked down at your feet, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks with embarrassment.

He narrowed his eyes, "Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you," you quietly admitted, "but here are your macarons. I am really sorry for this. Didn't mean to disturb you from whatever you had planned," you pointed to the box of tissues still in his hand. 

Bucky noticed the underlying question in your statement, "I was about to watch a movie. So needed these to clear the mess."

Your eyes went wide at his sincerity. While you had a crush on him, you definitely did not want to know about Bucky's late night masturbation adventures. Shaking your head, you raised your hands and started walking backwards, "I am sorry I disturbed your nightly… activities. I get out of your hair."

"Actually, would you like to join me for the movie?" Bucky asked hopefully, "We have the macarons and you seem like you need to calm your nerves."

You were surprised for the third time that day. Did Bucky just ask you to masturbate with him? Or have sex while eating the macarons? Or did he want to eat them after you guys have had sex? A flurry of questions swirled in your mind as you stared at him with a slightly open mouth. 

Bucky interpreted your gaze and stumbled to clarify himself, "As friends! Would you like to watch a movie with me as a friend?"

You slowly nodded your affirmation, "Yeah okay. Which movie are we watching?" 

"The Notebook," he revealed with a smile, "It's an extremely emotional movie. Ummm what's the term? Tear-jerker? Uhh yeah, it's a real tear-jerker of a movie."

"Oh so that's why…" you pointed at the tissues. "Yeah," he confirmed, "I tend to cry a lot while watching that movie. And… ummm… I am the kind of person who cries ugly. You know, all tears and snot. So yeah… I need the whole box."

"That's… that's actually sweet," you smiled, "Trust me you are not alone. I start crying as soon as the titles appear on the screen."

He got excited at your confession, "Yes! Exactly! It's because you know what's going to come and you are just mentally preparing yourself."

You chuckled with him in affirmation as he led you further into his apartment.

You freshened up a bit in his washroom, making sure to clean your feet and the residue on your face from the sweat.

Bucky was standing besides your bag when you entered the living room, "Now that we are friends," he intoned, "will you please tell me what's inside of this?"

You sighed, "Mr Barnes-." 

"Bucky," he corrected you and you smiled. 

"Will you promise me you will not take any offense or be insulted by it? I really did not mean to swap the bags."

"I trust you," Bucky said with assurance.

"It's…it is a sex toy," you mumbled quietly. Any normal human wouldn't have heard you, but Bucky's enhanced hearing caught your words flawlessly. 

He took a moment to process your words, and finally, to your amazement, burst out laughing. 

You sheepishly smiled at his reaction as your heart felt a little lighter. "That is embarrassing," he agreed with a wide grin. 

The two of you settled on the couch as Bucky's chuckles lessened. He kept the box of macarons between you two, but hesitated to begin the movie.

You sensed his curiosity, and clarified, "I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. It's been… 2 years I guess… since my last breakup." You took a deep breath, "And my job doesn't exactly leave a lot of time on my hands for dating or one-night-stands."

Bucky seemed to consider your words for what felt like a long time. Finally, he asked quietly, "What does it feel like? To… to want another person… sexually?"

You blinked your eyes, thinking you must have misheard him. But then, his gaze met yours, and you knew his question was sincere.

"It feels like…," you raked your mind in search for the appropriate words, "...like your entire body is on fire, and you need the touch of the other person to quench your thirst. Like, just for a few moments, you want to shut your mind, and let your body think for you."

Bucky nodded slowly as you finished, "But what if you feel that in your heart? And not for your body?"

You squint your eyes at his question, "What do you mean Bucky?"

He placed his head in his hands, "I just… I don't feel like that with anyone. I mean, I don't want to have sex. Trust me I have tried everything. Literally everything. Still I don't feel aroused… I am broken, aren't I? Because this is abnormal, right? No matter how hard I try I will never be normal."

Your heart shattered at his words. You had heard about his horrid nightmares, but to think that he was struggling to accept himself, thinking that he was broken, even when he had so much love to give, was depressing. You could not just stand by and watch.

Gently, you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Bucky, look at me." When he didn't comply, you urged him, "Bucky, you are not broken. It is completely normal to not have any sexual desires."

"No it's not," he scoffed.

"Yes it is," you coerced him, "Do you know what is asexuality? It is the complete absence of sexual desires. Many people-"

He interrupted you, "There is no such thing. You are making this up."

"I am not," you replied indignantly, "Research indicates that more than 1% of the American population is asexual. Also, experts believe that more people might be asexuals because they think that they "haven't found the right person yet"," you ended with air quotes.

With no reaction from him, you sighed and got up, "Do yourself a favour. Use the internet and learn about asexuality. It will help put your mind at ease." You left after giving that piece of advice.

Bucky stayed in the same position for a few moments after your departure. He nibbled on a macaron as he considered the movie playing in front of him. Unable to focus, he promptly shut it all and carried the box to his bed. The macarons disappeared into his mouth as he tossed and turned, feeling restless. 

There was no way asexuality was a thing. If it was, then how come there were no movies, tv shows or even advertisements on asexuality? That's because it wasn't normal, right? Maybe you had just lied to him to make him feel better? Maybe you took pity on him?

He looked at his phone on the table near the tv set, your final words repeating in his head in a loop. The combination of tiredness and laziness encouraged him to take your advice in the morning.

🏳️‍🌈

You didn't see Bucky for 3 days after your fateful encounter with him. The fact that you still had your job at the Avengers Tower meant that he hadn't filed a complaint yet with the HR. And for that you were grateful. Friday came and you found yourself working late, again. It was around 10pm and you were still in your lab, almost done with the work. That's when you heard the small swoosh of the lab doors opening and closing.

You looked up from your table, and found Bucky staring intently at you with his blue eyes. He cleared his throat and tentatively took a step towards you. "You were right," he said slowly, "I researched online, read a few articles and spoke with the in-house therapist. I am an," he took a deep breath, "an asexual."

You closed your laptop and smiled at his confession, "How are you feeling now?"

"Honestly? A little bit better. I feel somewhat free," he admitted while gripping the white bag in his hand a little bit tighter.

"That's great! I am so proud of the progress you have made," you beamed at him, but sensed his hesitance as you neared him.

"What's wrong?" you gently inquired.

"You are… not… I mean… by any chance… asexual?" he winced at his own question.

You chuckled lightly, "No I am not."

"Ahh, then it's okay," he murmured and turned as if to leave.

You stopped him by placing a hand on his firm bicep, "What's going on?"

He shifted on his feet, visibly uncomfortable and anxious, "I was just… no nevermind it's stupid."

"Bucky," you said his name in a stern voice.

He sighed again, "I thought… I mean I owe you a movie because… of that night… and so… you know… would you like to watch it? The movie? But why would you? You deserve better… you are not an asexual. You are normal. Why would you want to go on a date with me?" he finally ended his mumbling.

You looked at him with squinted eyes, trying to decipher what he had muttered. "Did you just say you would like to go on a date with me? But it was stupid because you are an asexual and I am normal?" you blinked as he nodded.

"Who told you that you are not normal?" you asked him, a little irritated, "Bucky look at me." This time he complied, "You. Are. Normal. As normal as me, as the other Avengers or as anybody else in the world. Do not, for even one goddamn second, think that there's something wrong with you because there isn't. Are you listening to me? Am I clear?" you wagged your forefinger at him.

Amused at your outburst, he nodded with a sheepish grin. Clearing his throat, he asked you again, "Would you like to watch a movie with me tomorrow? As a date?"

You placed your hands on your waist, "Yes."

His grin widened as he asked you the next question, "Still mad at me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe these cupcakes will help," he shyly held up the white bag in front of you, "I made sure they were cupcakes," he added with a smirk.

You graciously accepted the bag, "Cupcakes will always help."

"Great! It's a date then. Tomorrow… at 4pm? My apartment?" Bucky suggested.

You agreed, and he left with a goodbye. As soon as he was out of sight, you opened the box, expecting to see the usual cupcakes inside. Instead, you found that the sweet treats were decorated with cute messages such as "U R Cute" , "Be Mine?" , "So Sweet" and so on. Feeling mushy at his adorable gesture, you bit into the sweet treat as you headed back to your apartment.

The next day, you made sure to wear a purple dress, complete with black, grey and white accessories - the colours of the asexual flag. Bucky beamed at you as he welcomed you into his apartment. He had made a snack mix from popcorn, crispy pretzels, chips and nachos, the perfect accompaniment to any movie according to him, and you couldn't agree more.

The pair of you watched The Notebook in silence, except for a few sobs and sniffs here and there and the straight up bawling during the emotional parts of the movie.

After a while, the film ended but your date continued. The two of you talked about everything, right from the meaningful discussions about the government policies to random questions like "which mythical creature would you be and why?"

Soon, it was time for you to head back to your apartment. Bucky offered to walk you and you happily agreed. But before you left, he asked you nervously, "Would you like to have a second date?"

"I would love to," you beamed, "Which movie should we watch the next time?"

He ran his hand in his somewhat disheveled hair, "Uhh… I actually made a date jar. Wait, I will get it."

He brought over a glass jar, filled with tiny bits of folded paper, "I thought we could have dates that start from each English alphabet. We can pick and choose at random from the jar."

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes again at his thoughtful and romantic gesture. You gingerly picked one note from the jar, excited for the adventure that awaited the two of you.

🏳️‍🌈

It took more than 2 years for the pair of you to finish every date in the date jar, except for one. Whether it was jet-skiing in the ocean, taking classes for flamenco dance, him teaching you self-defense or going on a wildlife safari together, you and Bucky finally got through it all. Only the letter "P" was now left.

In these 2 years, any distance between the two of you had practically vanished. Bucky was comfortable in removing his bionic arm in front of you. Moreover, he had started sharing everything with you. Right from his darkest and disturbing nightmares to a pretty butterfly that he may have seen during his missions, Bucky made it a point to ensure that you were a part of his life, and you had absolutely no complaints.

The two of you had also discussed about your sexual desires, and Bucky had been comfortable with you using your sex toys as and when you wished.

Bucky was the perfect boyfriend anybody could ask for. He was considerate, thoughtful, a hardcore feminist and gave the best foot-rubs in the world. And so you were nervous. Nervous because the two of you had never actually sat down to talk about the nature of your relationship. And as the day of the last date loomed nearer, your anxiety increased. At first, you thought of making a second date jar, but he had quickly dismissed the idea, stating that he would be caught up with multiple things after the last date ended.

As you sat in the car that Bucky had sent for you, your apprehension grew. Bucky always picked you up, however this time, he had asked you to come alone in the car. Maybe he wanted to break up with you?

By the time you reached the park it was pitch black. You were sure Bucky had paid the guards to keep the gates of the park open just for you.

As soon as you entered, you saw the pathway lined with 25 lamp posts, leading you towards a breathtaking archway decorated with fairy lights and your favourite flowers.

On every lamp post, a photograph of the two of you - which were taken on your dates - was stuck along with a note. The notes described how he fell in love with you over and over again on every single date. Your progress was slow, as read each of his meticulously written words with tears in your eyes. You collected all of his notes and the photographs, and finally headed towards the lit archway.

When you entered it, the instrumental notes of the song "All of Me" by John Legend reached your ears.

You walked ahead and reached a bend. Upon crossing it, you were showered with rose petals as the live music grew louder. And at the end of the archway, your boyfriend, James Buchanan Barnes, was standing in a tuxedo, looking as sinfully good as the forbidden fruit. The entire area around him was lit with soft fairy lights that cascaded gracefully between tall lamp posts. Even on the ground, small wooden lamps illuminated the grass across the area. A live band was playing the music and your Bucky was standing with the most gorgeous bouquet of red roses that you had ever seen.

Your vision turned blurry as you started crying, and looking at your tears, he started sobbing as well. "No no no I can't cry now," he managed to say between his sobs while giving you his handkerchief, "I have to do this."

He got down on one knee and took your hand in his. You both laughed as you started crying harder. He took a deep breath and said your name, "These 2 years have been the most magical years of my life. You have accepted me as who I am, what I am, and never once tried to change me or make fun of me for it. I never thought I would be treated with the amount of respect that-" he started crying, unable to finish his sentence.

You sat beside him and handed him your kerchief. "Yes," you said with a tear-stained smile.

"Let me ask you first!" he exclaimed between his sobs.

You laughed and wiped your snot as he cleared his throat, "I love you so much. You are the only one I want to-" he started crying again.

"Yes!" you answered his unsaid question.

"I haven't asked you yet!" he exclaimed again as the two of you giggled between your sobs.

"Okay c'mon Bucky you can do this," he muttered to himself as you beamed at him. "Okay," he looked into your eyes and whispered your name, "Will you do me the honour of marrying me and becoming my wife?"

You choked up at finally hearing the words. Rendered speechless, you could only nod as fresh tears escaped your eyes.

"You have to say yes!" he almost shouted with excitement.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!!" you matched his enthusiasm as he slipped a ring onto your finger. His large arms then engulfed you in a bear hug, wrapping you in a safe and secure space for eternity to come.

Permanent tag: @donutloverxo @notyourtypicalrose @just-one-ordinary-fangirl

Bucky taglist: @loustan90

Taglist open! Just comment, send an ask or message!

[dear-mrs-otome]

Quand on Parle du Loup - Ikevamp (Jean, AU)

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire Pairing: Jean x female MC Warnings: ANGST. Blood, slight gore, horror, character death Summary: When a small village in 18th century France is stalked by a beast, at what price is peace bought? (~4k words, angst, historical/horror AU) Author’s Note: Hey everyone, this was my piece for the @ikevampzine​ - the theme of the zine was ‘mythology’ and so I opted to play around with the idea of the historical folklore surrounding the story of the Beast of Gévaudan. (If you have never heard of it, go google it! It’s a fascinating little interlude in history!) I was nervous because angst isn’t my usual playground but I had a lot of fun with this. I was also blessed enough to collaborate with @beni-draw-ikemen-please​ for some amazing art to go alongside it as well, and I thank her for being such a fantastic inspiration! Please see her full piece in all its glory at the end of this story!!

It slunk between the tables and conversations, stalked on silent paws the wisps of woodsmoke that curled from the blackened fireplace, and growled in the echo of every unsettled laugh that bounced back from the oaken rafters overhead.

Not here, not in the sense that mattered, but omnipresent. On everyone’s lips and hearts and minds.

La Bête

The Beast.

“I heard it took another shepherd last week, ‘round La Besseyre-Saint-Mary,” a snaggle-toothed man said quietly to his benchmate as she walked past, laden down by a heavy tray of food and drink. “Saints preserve us.” He crossed himself, and then spat on the tacky floor as if for good measure. 

“Saints indeed. The Lord knows we need all the help we can get,” his companion agreed with a rueful twist of his lips. “I thought it was gone for sure, after the marquis’ men caught that big ‘un and showed it off. It went quiet for awhile…but the past couple of months haven’t been so quiet, have they? They must have had the wrong wolf.”

“Did you ever notice though…” The first man broke off, casting his eye about suspiciously, before leaning towards his companion conspiratorially, his voice dropping low enough that she struggled to listen in. “Things really only seem bad around the full moon? Unnatural, I tell you. They say it’s just a wolf, but I’m not so sure.”

Shaking her head at their superstition, she breezed past, angling for the darkness of a corner sequestered far from the light and liveliness of the fireplace. The table she finally stopped at was occupied by only one man - unusual at this busy hour, but no matter how many times she’d seen him come in he always sat alone. Perhaps it was the heavy air he gave off, the way his thoughts seemed walled away behind the tooled leather of an eyepatch. Or perhaps it was the gleaming sword strapped to his hip, and the fine cut of clothing above it. Far finer than any rough homespun worn around these parts.

Everyone else had given him a wide berth since he’d rolled into town some six months back in the employ of the Marquis d’Apcher - as some sort of sellsword, they all had assumed. That hadn’t stopped him from coming to the tavern regularly though, despite their disdain, a pattern that screamed of perpetual bachelorhood.

“Monsieur Jean.” She set his usual beer and bowl of stew down in front of him, along with her usual smile.

He offered her his usual reserved reply. “Please. Just Jean is fine.”

“Very well…’Just Jean’.” It was a ridiculous joke, the same exchange they had nearly every evening, and yet she continued to toss it at him because it never failed to bring a spark of something to his dark eyes. Like summer lightning folded deep within bruised thunderheads. A secret swift flash that brought her inordinate pride.

At a nearby table, voices raised again, cursing the evil that stalked their town, and she caught a wince tightening the lines of Jean’s mouth.

“They’re talking about it again. I mean, what else do they ever talk about?” She shifted her weight and leaned a hip against the scarred tabletop so that she could bend enough to keep their conversation close. “Said someone disappeared the next village over. But you’ll find it,” she told him. She was certain that hunting the beast that terrorized their land was the only thing that would bring a man like him to a sleepy village like this - and was certain he was as frustrated as the rest of them with the lack of progress.

“Perhaps.” His soft murmur of agreement barely carried over the din, and she wondered if she had only imagined the thread of melancholy stitched within it.

Unthinking, she laid her hand over his to squeeze it reassuringly, and then froze when she realized what she had done. Waiting for him to pull his own back and brick himself once more behind the bulwark of silence he always sheltered behind. There was a faint flex, the dance of tension in his fingers…but to her utter surprise he didn’t move. He didn’t turn his hand over to receive her gesture - but he didn’t reject it either. 

She looked up from their layered fingers to find his gaze, for once, fixed squarely on hers, and it was dizzying to be the unwavering subject of that midnight intensity.

“Tomorrow is the Sabbath,” he began, almost hesitantly. “After church, are you free?” There was an awkward beat where she wondered what his intentions were exactly in asking, before he seemed to sense her confusion and hastened to fill the loaded silence, slipping his hand from beneath hers to wrap them both around his mug. “I noticed you often walk alone. It’s not safe, least of all now. I thought...perhaps…I could show you a few ways to keep yourself safer.”

“You’d be willing to do that?” She blinked, taken aback by his unexpected offer. 

His gaze shifted back to the ale between his hands, the barest ripple of a shrug moving across his frame. “It was just a thought. You are free to refuse.”

“I’m not saying no,” she hurried to answer. “That’d be very kind of you. To be honest, it is terrifying. But I also wish there was something I could do too, if I came across the beast. I know it’s ridiculous to think that one tavern wench could-”

“I’ve seen stranger things.” His interjection cut her self-depreciation off, and when she searched his face there was no mockery there. Only an earnest, fervent sort of frankness that humbled her. “It takes only a single grain of sand to tip a scale. One soldier to win a war.”

She had to duck her head then, to keep him from seeing the pleased smile that plucked at her lips. “All right, then I accept. Thank you.”

------

The sun had climbed high by the time church let out, pressing down on her shoulders like the weight of a hot heavy hand. Against the golden backdrop of an autumn field, Jean stood dark like a drop of ink, as cool and composed as ever where he leaned against the low stone wall.

“You came again.”

She had to wonder at the way he sounded almost surprised. This was the third week they had met like this now, after his first offer nearly a month ago.  “Of course I came. There’s too much going on for me to just...not.” 

He made a small noncommittal sound and then crossed towards her, his long legs eating up the distance. “Do you remember where we left off last time?” he asked, immediately all business. In his hand was the spear that had rested beside him and he offered it to her, haft first, the keen edge of its spade-tipped head winking coolly in the hot sun. 

She nodded and took it hesitantly, adjusting her grip on the grain of the handle until it felt comfortable in her hand. “I think so.” The spear is the weapon of the humble, he had told her on that first day. It is the great equalizer.

There was a stack of hay nearby and she turned to it, setting her jaw as she ran over their past lessons in her mind, Jean’s calm voice echoing in her recollections.

Set your feet.

Keep your weight toward your toes.

Bend your knees, hands shoulder-width apart. 

She drew a breath that carried the sweet smell of drying grass with it and lashed out with the tip, slicing a few of the nearest blades neatly off.  

“Your balance is good. You’ve been practicing. But -” He stepped behind her, arms braced alongside hers for support, hands resting atop her own until they were cradling the spear in their shared grip. “Always keep your lead arm steady.”

He guided her again into a careful stroke to illustrate, and she was reminded that this was a man who had made a life of war. In the muted strength of his grip, in the tensile musculature of the frame that bracketed her own, was the testament to a body flayed by battle into something pure of purpose. 

Beneath their combined hands, the fluid arc of her swing trimmed another few inches from the hay bales effortlessly.

His tiny grunt of exertion brushed over the sweat-clung curls at the nape of her neck, warm and cool at the same time, and she was abruptly aware of how close they were. The slightest turn of her head brought his face into view, scarcely more than a murmur away from her own, and she froze.

His skin was flawless, almost porcelain in its perfection save for whatever flaw lay behind that eyepatch. His features classic and refined. When she had first seen Jean, in the low light of the tavern, she had mistaken him for a woman - a mistake only corrected when she had heard his mild baritone. 

Yet even under the unflinching midday sun, he was still something undefinable. Beauty freed from the restriction of labels. As transcendent and timeless as the faces of the angels she saw in church every Sunday, carved of marble and of stained glass, perched on windows and above the pews watching over the parishioners. Divine and touched by God.

Her heart forgot how to keep its own time as the dark lashes on his good eye swept up, and the night sky of his gaze warmed ever so slightly as it met hers, like the slow break of dawn.

They both stalled, and the hand curled above the flare of her hip suddenly seemed to burn her through so many layers of cloth as the thought occurred to her that all she had to do was lean and she would finally know what those elegant lips felt like against her own.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked to distract herself from the temptation, her half breathless words giving voice to the question that had plagued her the past few weeks. “Why teach me all this?”

He dropped her hand and took a swift, safe step back, raking unsteady fingers through his long hair. For long moments she thought he wouldn’t answer at all, before he finally spoke. “Have you heard of the loup-garou?”

“A man, that becomes a wolf.” It would have been impossible not to, given the wild stories that passed through the lips of drunken men. “Surely you’re not saying...” She began on a laugh, but it withered away to nothing when his face remained impassive.

“The loup-garou is a scourge. A wolf but not, a man but not. Smarter, stronger, faster than any beast framed by the hand of God. It is the devil’s work.” Jean practically spat the words as he prowled a deliberate step forward, and she had to fight the urge to take an answering one back. His eye fixed on hers, hard and dark and cutting as a flake of obsidian. “A wretched cursed thing, damned to crave flesh. They say -” He broke off, almost as if wrestling with something, before finishing his thought. “They say it kills those it loves first.”

She licked dry lips, and tried to find her voice. “How do you stop it?”

He gestured toward the weapon in her hands with a rueful lilt to his words. “A sharp blade, and a lot of luck.”

“I don’t believe in monsters.” She shook her head vehemently, as if she could wish the idea away if she only denied it hard enough. Wish away all those dark grumblings that swirled around the tavern each night. “A wolf is a wolf is a wolf. God would not be so cruel as to damn a soul like that.”

A smile crossed his face then, quick and fleeting and full of something so akin to despair that it seemed more a grimace to her. “Humor me then, mademoiselle. Believe it or don’t, as you see fit.” He pressed the spear into her lax hands, until she was forced to grip it tighter. Cold and ominous, like a length of ice in her curled fingers. “But let us both agree that God helps those who help themselves.” 

------

The moon hung high when she left the tavern late the following night. Round and pendulous, it stared at her from between the trees as she waved a goodbye to the tavernkeep and tugged on the leather gloves she’d had tucked in a pocket. 

Shadows crawled across the dirt track that led toward her house on the fringe of the small village, in time with the swaying of the trees overhead, and the breeze they danced on waltzed with the ends of her hair as well, loosened by the evening’s toils. As she turned to pick up the stave leaning beside the back door, a far-off owl let out a melancholy trill.

It was all very tranquil, and she felt more than a bit foolish as she walked, armed to the teeth with weapons she scarcely knew how to use and jumping at every sound. 

Then, in the distance - a sound that raked cold claws down her spine.

The cresting ululation of a wolf’s howl.

Even without Jean’s fanciful tales, the sound sank a quarrel of panic into the base part of her brain, the one still firmly rooted in a time where mankind was decidedly prey and not predator. She tightened her grip on the haft she held so that she wouldn’t notice her own trembling fingers, and pressed on.

Then it came again, from the next rise nearer. Echoing down the gully and wood, as if funneled straight to her. 

As if whatever dreadful throat had borne that sound were coming straight toward her.

Her footfalls turned over faster, racing the occasional scudding cloud overhead as fear prodded her on, her heart squeezing out beat after frenzied beat from within the confines of her throat. The leather of her gloves grew slick inside with sweat from her palm, and she switched her grip on the spear to her other hand, flexing away the clammy dampness as best she could. 

Almost home, almost home...she clung to the little litany, as the howling drew closer and underbrush crackled off in the distance.

She saw the eyes first.

Flickering between the bushes like flames, the faint dry-bone rasp of dead brush accompanying it as it paced her effortlessly. A time or two it disappeared and she was left running alone, her heart pounding so hard it scarcely felt as if it had unclenched enough to take another beat - only for those ghastly twin fires to reignite, moments later, on the other side. Back and forth, back and forth, until a sudden realization had the prickles of a cold sweat break out on her back.

Mother of God...it was toying with her. As if it were some great cat rather than a wolf, amusing itself with her attempts to escape. Feeding off her fear as if it were an amuse bouche. The delectable prequel to a feast.

This, more than anything, convinced her that Jean had been right. This…this beast...was no creature of God. 

This was something born of hell. Nature marred by the devil’s own fingerprints.

Maybe that was the realization that finally turned her spine to steel. Jean had been right about the wolf - and that meant perhaps he had been right about her. He knew she could handle herself.

A single grain of sand.

Her feet scuffed lightly on the dirt of the path as she skidded to an abrupt halt, the sound of her own ragged breath the only thing filling her ears. Whatever the creature was, wherever the creature was, it seemed to be content to simply watch. And wait.

"Show yourself." She hated the tiny tremor that wove itself into her voice. Hated more the ridiculous inexplicable feeling that the creature might somehow understand her. 

It came, after a breath held so long her lungs began to ache. Parting the underbrush like a leviathan breaching the sea, black as sin with brimstone eyes. A mouthful of bristling fangs and a growl that scraped painfully deep on the ears, like the slow crumble of a mountain. It paced forward until the watery light shone on it fully, and she couldn’t have stifled the gasp that left her if she tried at the sheer size of it.

Against the inside of her ribs, her heart bruised itself painfully, and the fingers that clutched at her stave gripped it ever tighter, fighting against the terror that numbed them. The first few syllables of a Hail Mary tumbled from her lips, unbidden, to spill between them.

The beast paced the liminal wash of moonlight restlessly, dappled by shadow. A step toward her and then a turn back, pausing on occasion to sway its great shaggy head. The faintest of whines escaped the cage of its teeth, its ears pinned back flat to its skull as it met her eyes and stood, nearly motionless, fine tremors quaking its back as if shaking away the irritation of invisible flies.

She held that monstrous gaze, and it felt like walking into an open flame. Scorching and breathless as if the gates of hell swept themselves open to usher her in.

“What do you want?” she asked. It remained motionless, and the repetition tore itself from her throat, her voice breaking lest her nerve did. “What do you want?!” 

It didn’t answer, of course. The only thing her voice did was to snap whatever indecisive spell it had seemed to linger under. 

In a blink, the wolf leapt, and time seemed to perch on a glassine pedestal. So many things whirling at once until the moment shattered into countless shards, past and present and future all splintered and shuffled, like a broken mirror at her feet. Offering tiny refractions without answers.

The dark shape of the beast, blotting out the moon.

A howl, mournful and defiant, raking ragged claws across her concentration to shred it.

A slavering maw gaping open like the summation of all her misdeeds, snarling and ready to swallow her whole.

Then. 

A hand over her own, firm and steadying.

The sweet hot waft of hay in the sun, and a voice like clover honey in her ear, saying -

Set your feet. Set your feet.

Set your feet.

She did, and the rest of the motion flowed unquestioningly, earned over so many late-summer afternoons. The hard wood biting into her ribcage, nearly knocking the wind out of her as she took the brunt of the beast’s pounce squarely on the point. A strange sort of resistance that shivered up the shaft she held, until it punched through on a sucking, wet-clay sound, grating nauseatingly against bone as it went. Crimson bloomed and ran down the wood onto her arms, dripping from the beast and her own elbow, red-black as the secret heart of an unfurling rose. Splashing and scattering about like crushed petals to pit the dusty ground beneath her feet.

Teeth snapped shut inches from her face, pink and frothed with blood. And above it all, the tip of the spear gleaming proud and defiant, coated in gore and fur where it sprouted from the back of the beast.

With her hands slick, she couldn’t keep her grip against the weight of the wolf, and she and the spear crashed to the ground. She rolled over onto her knees in a rush and found the wolf lying nearby, panting as it strained and thrashed, great claws gouging furrows in the dirt as it fought - for freedom from the weapon that pierced it, perhaps. For purchase, as it still strained towards her. For life, as it railed against the slow dim of that feral light in its eyes.

She watched, transfixed, as its great bulk seemed to fold in on itself. Fangs blunting, claws shrinking, limbs stretching and fur receding until in the road, gasping against a spreading backdrop of scarlet, lay the truth she knew she’d been running from this whole time.

“Thank God. Oh...thank God.” The words left Jean on a broken sigh, soft as the brush of an angel’s pinfeathers.

She crawled to his side, heedless of the pebble strewn dirt that bit savagely into her palms and knees. “Jean, I -”

She what? There were a hundred ways to end that sentence and not a single one managed to rise out of the maelstrom of emotions that gripped her, twisting hot and tight in her chest, surging to beat at the back of her eyes. Her hands fluttered insecurely above him, unsure of where to land or what to do, before she lifted his head onto her lap and brushed sweat-matted strands from his face. 

There were stars in his eyes, she saw, as his gaze struggled to find hers. Not just a reflection of those wheeling overhead, but tiny flecks of pallor in the twilight of them that she had never noticed before - constellations trapped within his unfocused stare. 

“Forgive me.” His voice was the barest tattered thread of sound, and even that small effort set him coughing, blood bubbling around the shaft still impaled in his chest like the ghastliest of blooms. “Forgive me for saying this but...I am so glad it was you. I knew it would be.”

His hand shook and tried to reach for her, falling weakly back against his stomach until she snatched it up and clenched it tight within her grasp. Heedless of the heartsblood that coated it like a glove, far warmer than the chilled flesh beneath.  “How did you know that?”

A full smile graced his lips, the first she had ever seen, achingly beautiful despite the agonized clench of his teeth. “I knew exactly who his prey would be.”

The slick fingers tangled between her own tightened, squeezing meaningfully, though the gasp that tore through him belied how much even that small motion cost - and the pain that lanced her heart at the implication of his words made it feel almost as if it were she that had been run through. 

He shivered, though the night wasn’t cold, and the pulse at his wrist fluttered faster against her fingertips. Erratic, like the shake of a fledgling's wings before flight. “If God is merciful..” His clear eyes slowly clouded. “M-may He grant we meet again.”

Before she could answer, he sighed one more breath - and then stilled.

“No. No, no, no…” But there was no denying the truth, no matter how bitterly it sat on her tongue. Mixing harsh with the salt of the tears that ran down her cheeks. She held a dead man, in wretched mimicry of a lover’s embrace, and wept a pieta over the clay that had bound him to this nightmare - the unblinking moon above the only other witness to just what price his freedom.

[hydrus]

Version 450

windows

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exe

macOS

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linux

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🎉🎉 MERRY 450! 🎉🎉

I had an ok week. Last week's experimental release went well, so I have polished that, and I otherwise caught up with a variety of small work.

If you sync with the PTR, update will take a couple of minutes.

all misc this week

So, the update storage change went ok! There were a couple of little sync bugs to clear up, but overall it works--tag repositories now track their processing progress by mappings, siblings and parents separately. You don't have to do anything, and this doesn't matter much for day to day work, but it allows for individualised reset and reprocessing. All 448 users will have their siblings and parents reset and reprocessed, which will take a couple of minutes to do on update, and about fifteen minutes on your next processing job to fill back in, and which should eliminate some bad siblings and parents due to years-old processing bugs that long term users have been dealing with (leaving only current bugs, which I am also working on). The reset will not delete any pending siblings or parents you have, so no worries if you have a bunch waiting to be uploaded.

Advanced Users: The PTR sibling and parent reset will however remove any siblings and parents you uploaded that were then denied by jannies (which your client would have added to itself anyway). Everyone is reset to a 'clean' sync with this change, so if you know you have a ton of surplus denied siblings you rely on, perhaps from years ago that we agreed I would deny on the PTR to help you hack in an overwrite in the old system, you might like to hold off updating and first figure out a PTR sibling/parent backup to a local service using tag migration.

I fixed some things with Mr Bones. His numbers are accurate to your 'my files' again, and he now talks about your total deleted files and also your earliest file import time. I divided the ugly growing stack of numbers into tabs, which I am sort of happy with, sort of not. People like to take screens of Mr Bones, but they have different preferences on what to show, so I may replace this with expand/collapse buttons or similar, so you can show everything if you want.

If you use the export files window to get a lot of files out, it now makes a progress popup. You can close the window while it is exporting and still see and cancel the job.

The Client API file search now supports file and tag domain selection (like the 'my files' and 'all known tags' buttons on a normal search page), and also file sort for searches. I know the Client API guys have been waiting on this, so with luck we should see some neat new search options in the Client API programs in the near future.

full list

misc:

when exporting files from the file export window, a cancellable popup job with progress updates is also created. if you close the window, you can still cancel the job from the popup

fixed a crash bug in file export window

system:num file relationships (duplicates) now correctly only returns files in the current file search domain (previously, it returned all files, including those previously deleted etc...)

I rearranged some of the thumbnail menu file relationships actions menu. I'm not really happy with this, but a shuffle is easier than a full rework

fixed the '4k' resolution label replacer, which was looking at 2060 height not 2160 by mistake

the phash generation routine (part of the duplicates system, happens on image imports) now uses less memory and CPU for images with an alpha channel (pngs and still gifs), and if those images are taller or wider than 1:30 or 30:1, the phashes are also better quality

the 'fill in subscription gap' popup button now correctly boots its created downloader when the action also opens a new downloader page. previously, due to overactive safety code, it would hang on 'pending' until a client restart. related similar 'start downloader after creating page' actions off drag and drop or client api should also be more reliable

.

repositories (also the various improvements in 449-experimental are folded in):

fixed an issue with some 'force repository account refresh' code not kicking in immediately

when a client sees repository update period change, it now recalculates the metadata next check time

fixed a bug with the new repo sync where updates just added from additive sync were not being processed until client restart. related long-term buggy 'do we have this hash in updates?' and 'how many updates are there?' tests for update metadata are also fixed

the experimental by-content-type repository reset from last week now leaves pending content in place

the reset also now clears cached service info counts for files, tags, and mappings

.

client api:

the /get_files/search_files command now takes six new parameters for file/tag domain selection and file sort type and order

I wrote out some simple help and added some hacky unit tests for these new parameters. it needs another pass for potential bug fixes and readability/specificity (e.g. what does 'asc' for 'sort by ratio' mean?), but let me know how you get on anyway

fixed the new system predicate parsing for system:hash with only one hash

improved the url system predicate examples in client api documentation

client api version is now 19

.

mr bones:

mr bones now reports the correct numbers for your 'my files' again (and will continue to do so as multiple local file services are added)

mr bones now reports total files deleted and their total size

mr bones now reports your earliest recorded file import time

mr bones now has separate tabs for different stats types. this neatly ditches the giant stack of numbers this was becoming, but I may revisit it. some people who take mr bones screens will prefer all the info in one easy shot, while I others I know would rather the 'viewing habits' stuff were not immediately there. maybe expanding boxes?

fixed some mr bones layout

.

boring code cleanup:

made a new base class for the different database modules to hold cursor and collect common administrative functions

all database queries (about 1,200 of them) now go through a single location in the new class

a new profile mode, 'query planner' mode, now prints query text and EXPLAIN QUERY PLAN lines to a new profile log. this is a new experimental thing, extremely spammy, but will help with diagnosing very unusually slow queries on individual clients (it'll most likely show up odd sqlite versions, weird data distributions, or un-analysed tables)

updated a core function in 'all known files' mappings change autocomplete count adjustment. this seemed to have extremely bad worst case time, and I think it might have been giving some bad counts in unusual situations

next week

Next week is cleanup. The long term database breakup job has been going well, making code simpler and easier to expand, so I think more of that. I also started a new database profiling system this week, and I want to experiment with it a bit.

[glumpiglet]

Close Encounters of the Beej Kind (F!ReaderxBeetlejuice)

Uh hi everyone.. K This started as a request but then i took another look at it.. And it didn’t even do what was asked and I was like … i might just post this as a fic.. So here we are! Many apologies to that person, hopefully this could be a bit of a compensation and it WILL be answered I promise!

To anyone asking for a pt 2 to my ghost s/o I definitely have more to do with that one…we got a WEDDING TO PLAN MY DUDES….. Eventually..i'm trying to get these requests done (which are Always Open ;) ) and I want to do a second date to my Dew fic. I’m very a stop and go writer, I like to try and keep these to a 3-4k length...sometimes that can take me 2 days… sometimes 2 weeks. Lol you know the struggle. hope you enjoy this one. Stay lovely out there hotties.

Warning: Beej is a voyeuristic, thieving little trash boi and there’s some swearing… That’s all.

It started out an average day when you officially met Beetlejuice.

Moving into a new place alone was always so much work. The organizing, the packing, the stress. It would be ultimately worth it, you realized. This would be the first time you lived alone, no roommates, no family. You were a real, genuine adult now.

Laughable, you thought, as you shoveled the spoonful of cereal into your mouth before returning to your controller. There might still be unpacked boxes around you, but sometimes video games were just higher on the priorities list.

The whole ordeal was almost over with. What was left was pictures to hang up, you bought a bookshelf that needed to be built… Nothing crazy. Lucky enough there wasn’t too much of a headache. 

That came surprisingly after the move-in. 

It wasn’t something you voiced out loud, but you were sure the place was haunted.Believing in ghosts was a difficult subject for you. Having had… Things happen to you when you were a child, whispers of your name in the basement where your mom would do laundry. You had an argument once on New Years at a friends house because you were certain you were hearing someone in the house. 

Ghosts were like Religion or Big Foot to you: Not a firm believer but definitely had some ‘need more answers’ kind of person. The human mind was a confusing piece of machinery. It came up with all sorts of insanity.

Still, a list was started to be compiled of odd occurrences in the short time of living here. 

One day, you had been binging a couple Buzzfeed Unsolved episodes ironically enough when you should have sworn you could hear low-pitched laughing in your living room. Not from an adjacent apartment. Like it came from right beside you on the sofa. Pausing the video you listened for any more sounds. Complete silence greeted you and couldn’t tell what would have been creepier: if you had heard the laughing again or the quiet. Deciding to not finish the episode, you turned the t.v off and sat there in the quiet room for a long time 

There was an odd smell in your apartment. You didn’t notice it when viewing the place but every morning you woke up to a pungent, musky odor that almost made you think your neighbours were smoking weed or living in garbage. The smell came and went throughout the day, sometimes wafting over you so unexpectedly you swivel your head to see what was behind you. Nothing was ever there.

Things were disappearing. At first you thought it just got lost in the mix of moving. Some cheap jewelry. Old photos. A hairbrush. It wasn’t until your clothes just started disappearing that you became troubled. 

As you were for sure your panty drawer was being raided, you couldn’t figure out what the fuck was going on. You checked the dryer to see if you accidentally left any behind, you were a forgetful thing. It wasn’t impossible that your underwear had simply.. Disappeared. You tried to chalk the whole thing up to paranoia. You had been celebrating with the new apartment and was drinking a bit more than usual. 

Blame the alcohol. Blame yourself. Anything to not think about the possibility of an actual haunting.  

Not until a hot autumn night did you get any actual proof.

Sleeping nude has always been a thing for you. Your parents would scold you as a child for walking around naked. Leaving your windows wide open as you changed. They basically had to force you into pajamas. You didn’t want to be a nudist or anything, there was just something constricting about wearing clothes to bed. Pants were unbearable, anything with long sleeves suffocated you and god forbid if you ever wore socks. Even in Winters. 

Living alone meant you slept nude nightly, even had the insight to splurge on some silk sheets finally, it was literally the best sensation you had ever felt. It was still unbearably warm in September and you had not been wearing much clothing since you moved in. You were saving up money for an A/C unit but it would probably be snowing by then. Slipping between the cool covers, you sighed as you drifted as you usually did, that space between sleep and dreams where your brain was beginning to shut off….

In a split second, the desire to open your eyes overtook you. Hovering above you was a large, dark figure. Clear as day. No mistaking it for something else. 

Struck still with terror, the intruder didn’t see your wide, open eyes apparently, leaning down over your vulnerable body. In your restlessness, the sheets had been kicked off, leaving way too much exposed skin. Looking horrified, your skin began to break out in goosebumps, perking your nipples. The air to scream wasn’t finding you.

You heard a sound. Growling, like a dog. Vulgar, nasty sniffing noises were blowing from the beast, like the bellow of a forge. This was a nightmare, you clamped your eyes shut. If only you could pinch yourself… Striving to find the will to move your arms, fingers. Anything.

The shadow spoke. It was like gravel hitting the pavement. Striking and rough. 

“MMmm.. So sexy...”

That was it. His voice snapped something in you and you felt yourself come alive. Jumping up in bed, you had screamed in panic, stumbling to your light to reveal an empty room. 

In the terrified state that found you, pacing, in your robe, in your kitchen. Waay to wired now to return to bed. You had decided that night it was a dream, a type of sleep paralysis. No way in hell did your new apartment have a poltergeist.. Some demon?! No fucking way.

The idea of buying something: smudge the house, a ouija board, had crossed your mind. Before you realized what a terrible idea that was. If this was real, you weren’t communicating with it. 

You weren’t thinking about it. Not at all.  

Fate was funny, however. Destiny or kismet, whatever you want to call it. With every weird occurrence, it never occured to you that slowly but surely it was getting worse. 

Not one week after the whole night terror debacle, did you catch someone in your bedroom.

As you said, average day. Meaning you stayed out in the living room, trying to find the energy to be productive beyond sitting on the couch, playing. Glancing at the clock intermittently, watching as the morning shifted into afternoon. You sighed and put the controller down, compromising with yourself. 

Okay, get the boxes out of the closet. Put the shelve up and unpack three boxes then you could return. Sounded fair. 

Walking into the room, reaching the closet, you leaned your head in to find the boxes, and heard a bump. Thinking the sound was just coming from something you hit in the closet, you continued reaching further in… Clothes shuffling made you pause. Turning towards the sound of an impulse, you gasped aloud as you took notice of a man opening your dresser drawer.

“Holy Fucking Shit!”

The first thought in your mind was he was a burglar. Afterwards, you had to chuckle at the idea, he was definitely not dressed for a B&E; terror made funny things make sense.

Grabbing the first thing in your reach, the contents of your vanity. You began hurling them at the now stunned creature, hands up on his chest, eyes wide in surprise.  

“Get out, Get out!” Practically shrieking in the small bedroom, you backed up to the wall, trying to find the courage to escape. In your hysteria, you failed to notice something.

The items were flying right through him.

Adrenaline pounding through your body, making your head throb. He wasn’t doing anything, just standing there, confusing you through the panic.faintly you looked down and saw what he had in his grip. One of your shirts. 

You had broken out in a cold sweat. Feeling like you were going to be sick. 

“I’m serious guy, I’m gonna call the cops!” The booming voice you tried was being to sound more wilted, your heart was about to burst from your chest. Tentatively stepping a few more steps towards the door, brandishing the thing in your hand like a weapon, no matter it was just a mascara bottle. 

“Uh-....yo-...” He continued to blunder through a breath, like a match striking against sandpaper.

You didn’t notice him pocketing your clothing. You dropped the thing in your hand.

The voice... That deep, dark rasp. You had heard it before. In your living room… In your bedroom.

Great timing, you couldn’t catch your breath. Gasping for air you slid to the floor, clutching at the ground for some balance.

This was not happening. This couldn’t be happening.

Every ration, logical, scientific part of your brain screamed for solid facts. The Afterlife wasn't proven real. Death was unknown. This wasn’t a movie and he wasn’t Casper. This was NOT a ghost. This was a human being, totally alive, uninvited in your home. 

Watching with sight blurred around the edges, he was approaching you slowly. Clenching your eyes shut, you cowered in on yourself as you waited for the attack.. This was it, this was how it ended.. You could see the headlines now.

‘Local Girl Found Dead: No Witnesses. No Suspects.’

Family would never know what actually happened to you. Search for answers until they found this creature and the vicious cycle would continue. 

The stench got infinitely worse as he approached, and your eyes began to water with more than fear. 

“Hey, hey.. Breathe, breather.” 

His voice was calm… Forced but calm and you didn’t take the bait. He was just playing with his prey and soon would sink his fangs in.

“You can actually see me?” 

His voice was incredulous. A happy tone that made you look up, he was doing something odd. Not acting frightening in the least, not attacking. He was talking to himself. Angled away from you as he gave himself a pep-talk..What?

“Okay calm down… Play it cool….” 

His eyes met yours. He rearranged his features to appear to be.. Smoldering.. He looked to be trying for suave.   

“Heyyy.”

Not what you expected. In any other circumstance, you would have laughed. The air wasn’t found to make the sound. Instead you choke on your tongue. “..I-...Wh-”

That was all you could get out. It seemed his speechlessness had traveled through the room and now possessed you.  

There was a knock on your door. It was the sound that brought you back to reality. The normalcy of a knock meant you had to interact with a human. You raced towards the door, ready to cry out in panic.

Retching it open, your breath caught in your throat.

It was your attractive neighbor. You had talked to them a total of three times including the time the landlord introduced you. In your hyper aware state, you couldn’t even reach in your mind for their name.

“..Hi.” You said breathless, wondering how much of a mess you looked. Attempting to discreetly pat your hair down, the neighbor explained their hearing you screaming, wanting to make sure you were okay. 

On the tip of your tongue was ‘No, actually. There seems to be a poltergeist in my bedroom. Do you have the number of any good priests?’ But what came out of your mouth was surprisingly calm and normal. You were so sorry, you were playing and sometimes could get a little loud and competitive, you’ll try and keep it down.  

Feeling the back of your head prickle, it seemed now you had obtained the power to tell whenever it’s eyes were on you. Great. 

Seeing the ghost peeking from around the corner, not subtle at all in the ordinary background of your apartment, his contrite countenance almost making you smile. The words left your mouth before you could catch them.

“..Can you not see him?”

Your neighbours' confused silence answered. You took a deep breath, savouring this human interaction. Alrighty then. 

“Gotcha! Sorry, I get spooky around this time of year.” It wasn’t even October, six weeks until Halloween, but it seemed to do the trick. 

Sharing a laugh with the neighbor, you expressed your desire for them to enjoy their weekend, and bid them goodbye, promising to be quiet. Hoping they didn’t notice how fast you closed the door.

You turned back around to regard the ghost.

It.. Certainly didn’t look how you imagined it. 

He looked worse.. Dirty and disheveled in a striped suit, you tried to picture how he might have died and carefully watched as he shuffled forward. Wide, yellow ambers glittered at you.

“Listen.. I know we didn’t get off on the right foot, but… You can see me.”

“Yes.” You had to clear your throat, the voice that came out of you was dry and cracked.

“Stop saying that, please. Why can I see you?” He stepped closer to you, head tilting and you had the space to break free into your living room, walking backwards as he stalked you.

“Beats me, sweetheart. Breathers are usually so self centered they never notice the dead.” You plopped down on the sofa, processing that bit of information. So it was all real. Ghosts were among us. Unbelievable. 

He began to fiddle with the cuffs of his jacket, you almost wanted to ask him to sit down, the nervous energy you felt from him not helping with yours. What do you offer to a ghost for comfort? Smooth as always you blurted out the first thing.  

“So… You’ve been haunting me. You were-”

Sudden, potent anger flushed over your skin. It came together. Your underwear. That night. This pervert!

“Have you been watching me sleep?!” You felt yourself screech before trying to lower your voice, remember the promise to the neighbor. Shooting up from your seat, the ghost floundered under your glare, eyes flickering towards the ground, refusing to look at you.

Lowering your voice to a dangerous whisper, the anger was making you brave. You began to advance on this deviant spectre. Realizing you had the daily source of your misfortune in front of you fueling your fire. 

He had been around the whole time, through your daily routine like… He was your boyfriend or something. As uncomfortable as that was, maybe he couldn’t help that, but you drew the line at theft.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?! I don’t care, ghostly apparition or not, that’s just rude! Stealing my clothes?! What do you have to say?” 

“Woah-woah.. I-I’m sorry! I just… You’re so…Hey!”

Continuing your pursuit despite his stuttered protests, you found yourself standing up close. The closeness was pungent, but it was becoming kind of bearable as the minutes passed on… Up close he was.. 

Strangely handsome, your brain chimed in for you. Not the fucking time!

Arms crossed tight, you glowered at him. Unexplained, you waited for his answer. Obviously he wasn’t going to hurt you. This stupid, smelly, handsome ghost had had plenty of opportunity, you thought sourly. 

“Look, this really isn’t going the way I wanted it to. You’re the most interesting breather in this hellhole……. I’ve been stuck here for so long, but if-if you want.. I’ll stay away...”

Deciding to proceed with the first bit of what he said: going the way he wanted? You watched as he began to slump away. He was muttering to himself again.

“Probably go down and haunt Mrs. O’Reilly in 2B. Heard she got a new pacemaker...That could be fun”

Viewing the sad spectre slink away, the rage was strangely dissipating. Maybe it was the down tilted head, the kicked puppy expression, the idea of this dude with poor little Mrs.O’Reilly. Something made you call out. 

“Wait.”

He perked up almost comically, twirling back towards you, having to bite your lip to keep from smirking. Maybe this ghost wasn’t so bad, he was certainly interesting. Entertaining. Handsome. Shut up brain. Didn’t mean you forgave him yet. He was giving you every piece of clothing back. 

“Did I tell you to go away?”

“Yeah.. Earlier..” His fingers twitched together and now taking notice of how open and earnest his expression was, it was making you smile. Right, when you were freaking out. Could you be blamed? Now it seemed implausible you were ever scared of him.

“Okay, well that was then, this is now. Let’s start over, I’m (Y/N).” On reflex you held your arm out, and kept it there before you thought better of it. Why you were attempting to shake hands with a ghost was beyond you, but as this was of course the weirdest thing to ever happen, what else could be done that didn’t make sense? 

He, with rapt attention, reached forward and you watched in astonishment as his hand drifted slowly through yours. The sensation was an icy buzz shooting up your arm, tingling through your neck into your brain, even your scalp felt the jolt. You felt like you just been electrocuted. 

Both of you shivered at the contact. The air was filled with a growl and once again you were transported back to you in bed and him above you. For the first time.. You felt yourself throb in pleasure at the memory rather than fright. This was slowly becoming dangerous, you could feel it. 

“Ooo… That’s different.” 

Studying him as he glowed green, he began to lewdly run his hands down his chest...Down his thighs.. Your eyes snapped away, suddenly very interested in your own hand..Certainly different.

“I like it.”

“So…. Have you been here the whole time?” You asked, desperate to change the subject in a strangled voice, turning away so he couldn’t see your burning face. This was dangerous. Impossible. Not healthy. Deciding to let this ghost stick around perhaps wasn’t the best instinct.  

“I’m not sure you’re gonna like the answer to that, babes.”

Revolving around to ask him what he meant, you paused at him... Flushing pink. Definitely not. 

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

Not My Mistake - Part 6 [FINAL]

Pairing: Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor x Reader

Summary: Roger slept with her roommate and Y/N did him a favour

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol

A/N: It’s been a longtime coming but for the first day of my Write Fest to celebrate hitting 4K I finally finished Not My Mistake!!! huge thank you to everyone who stuck with this mini series with me, I hope you enjoyed reading their antics as much as I loved writing them!!! As always, please remember to let me know what you thought - send me an ask, reblog, leave a comment, etc! I love hearing from you guys!

And if you wanna check out the other things that will be coming out for the Write Fest click here: 4K Write Fest

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six

Roger’s heart dropped in his chest when he rolled over the next morning in his bed, only to find it empty, void of the beautiful woman who had kept him company the previous night.

What goes around comes around. He thought to himself bitterly. 

Roger lifted a hand, dragging it down his face and letting out a long sigh as he did so.

Yes, he was used to one night stands - he was the self-proclaimed KING of one night stands in fact. And of course this wasn’t the first time he had been the one to be left alone and cold in the bed the following morning. Of course he had been left before.

But… he figured that it was more than a one night stand this time.

He never figured Y/N would view him as a mistake.

Roger knew he himself had made many mistakes in his life - even that was an understatement of the amount of shitty decisions he had made - and a fair few of them took the form of a girl he had taken interest in for one night. Or, at least, one night in his mind, to those girls they thought it was more than just that.

But he had assumed him and Y/N were on the same page the previous night.

He remembered, now, the whispered promises that had been exchanged between kisses as they shedded their clothes. The way that he could feel her heart thudding against his hand. The breathless laughter that had escaped her lips. How wide her eyes had been, and how he knew his were exactly the same, trying to drink her in. Attempting to fully appreciate her.

Roger knew that, if last night had been his last night on Earth, he would have died happy. 

Yes, they had both been drinking, celebrating his long-awaited return from tour. Yes, he knew that Y/N was definitely somewhat of a lightweight. He had known that for as long as he had known her - and by this stage, they had known each other and been friends for a while.

But he also knew that last night had been a long-time coming.

Perhaps that was what was upsetting him so much about the situation - that he had been so sure that Y/N had been romantically interested in him in the months leading up to last night. And yet, when they finally acknowledged the feelings they held for each other, when Roger finally found himself in bed with someone who he could see himself sleeping with for the rest of his life, she did the one thing that could take all the positives away from the situation. 

Just when Roger was about to start feeling properly sorry for himself, he heard a painfully familiar sound from outside his room.

He pushed himself up onto his elbow, rubbing his eyes and staring at his door, which was cracked open just a little, as though daring the sound to be heard again.

It was unmistakable this time, Y/N’s laughter filling his ears and bringing him a smile wide enough to crack his face in two.

Roger climbed out of his bed, grabbing a shirt from his closet and pulling on a pair of boxers as well, unsure of who Y/N would be talking to, likely just on the phone to someone, but wanting to prepare in case she happened to not be alone in his apartment.

“Brian?” Roger asked, frowning in confusion when he saw his best friend and roommate in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a mug in his hands. Brian gave Roger a sly smile, raising his eyebrows.

“I figured your company would have already been gone by now but… I didn’t realise it wasn’t... temporary company,” Brain teased. 

Roger finally allowed himself to move his gaze in Y/N’s direction, the breath leaving his lungs when he saw her.

She was sitting on one of his kitchen chairs, her feet on the bottom of the chair, knees pulled up to her chest, one hand holding a mug of what Roger assumed to be coffee, her smile was tired but genuine, her hair was messy from their events the previous evening. Her body was covered by the shirt he had been wearing the previous evening, which she had slipped on to sleep in - something evidently not lost on Brian, likely why he was able to tell Y/N was more than just a groupie, considering that Roger never allowed his one night stands to wear his clothes - and a pair of sweatpants which she had found.

She looked a complete mess.

But she was Roger’s mess, and he loved her.

“Thought you left for a minute there,” Roger confessed, his tone more vulnerable than he intended for it to sound. 

Y/N presented him with a pretty smile which immediately put any doubts that had still lingered in his mind at ease.

“Sorry - I got hungry,” she told him, biting her lip. Roger crossed the room to her, leaning down to press a tender, gentle kiss to her lips, still somewhat amazed that he was capable of doing that now.

“It’s okay,” Roger promised her. 

And it was okay. Pathetically, Roger at this moment was so happy that he couldn’t imagine things not being ‘okay’ again. Never did he ever think he would be so lovesick for anyone.

“I see you met Brian,” Roger added, straightening up and walking over to the coffee machine to grab his own mug.

“So how long have you been keeping her a secret for?” Brian asked, amusement dancing on his features as his eyes flicked between Roger and Y/N.

“You make it sound far dirtier than it is,” Roger informed him, blowing on his coffee.

“Well… I mean remember how we did meet, Rog?” Y/N contemplated, the smile on her face as familiar to Roger as his own was. Roger wrinkled his face in disgust.

“Can we agree to never mention Sally again, now that she’s officially out of our lives since she’s moving out from your place?” Roger groaned.

“Sally?” Brain’s eyes widened a little, his smile widening. “Oh, I know all about Sally.”

“Y/N is - was - Sally’s roommate.”

“Oh shit! You’re the girl who helped Roger sneak out?” Brian asked, his eyes widening a little. 

“So you do talk about me to your friends,” Y/N teased, grinning at Roger, who wrinkled his nose at her, sticking his tongue out but he could feel himself blushing a little.

“Freddie’ll be so excited to meet you!” Brian chuckled. His eyes moved over to the clock above the oven. “Shit, I’m meant to be meeting my parents,” he muttered. “It was nice meeting you, Y/N,” he called over his shoulder as he rushed out of the room.

“You too, Brian!” 

Roger fell into the seat opposite Y/N once his best friend had left the two of them in peace.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah, Rog?”

“You don’t… regret last night do you?” Y/N burst out laughing, the sound bringing a smile to Roger’s own face - a shy, uncertain one, which he didn’t think that anyone other than Y/N had ever brought out in him.

“Are you joking?” Y/N asked, her eyes wide as she looked at him. “You’ve got to be joking, right?”

“No?” Roger offered uncertainty, unsure why she was finding his question so amusing.

“I’ve never seen you so nervous - makes the sadist in me want to keep you in anticipation,” she added, standing up and walking over to his side of the table, settling herself in his lap, with her legs on either side of him so that she was straddling him, her hands linked together behind his neck. She lent down so that their noses brushed, her lips still turned up in the same smile that had been making Roger’s stomach take up gymnastics for the past few months. “But no,” she murmured, their lips brushing together. “No part of me regrets any part of last night.”

“No part of it?” Roger repeated, kissing her.

“Not at all,” Y/N assured him. “I love you, Roger.”

Roger hoped she couldn’t see the tears in his eyes, knowing that, despite the great emotional weight of the moment that they were in the process of creating, there was no way that Y/N would pass up the chance to make fun of him.

“I love you too,” he whispered.

“Yeah? Don’t regret doing me like you did Sally?”

“What did we just agree to?” Roger grumbled, but there was nothing that anyone could say that could ruin his good mood, thrilled to finally have the confirmation that Y/N was his.

“Well… I mean we have a lot to thank her for, really.” Y/N teased, kissing Roger again before nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck.

“Like what?” Roger scoffed, running his hand up and down her back.

“If it weren’t for her, we never would have met.”

“If it weren’t for you, I’d probably still be trapped with her,” Roger countered, feeling Y/N’s arms tighten their hold around him as she laughed.

“That’s mean!” Y/N protested, trying her best to steady her laughter, but failing to do so. 

“Sally may have been a mild mistake on my part-”

“Just a mild one!” Y/N exclaimed in disbelief, pulling back to stare at him in shock, her eyes crinkled at the edges in the most glorious smile and Roger raised one hand to cup her face, grinning back at her.

“Yeah, okay, so she may have been a mistake,” Roger moved to kiss Y/N once more. “But I don’t think I’ll ever see you as being a mistake.”

[fencesandfrogs]

cloudtail’s daughter au

so i decided to do a full write-up of this au instead of doing a second post to cover books 4-6 and then everything will be self-contained.

the essence of this au is pretty simple: dovewing does not, imo, fulfill the prophecy by being the granddaughter of firestar’s nephew, because that’s at least 3 “kin” away from him. so while i think she’d actually have to be princess’ daughter to fit, i’ll let her be firestar’s grandniece and call that “close enough” because it’s better.

anyway, there’s no real reason for this to change anything, but i think given who cloudtail and brightheart are, and how close dovewing and ivypool are to whitewing, it would probably change quite a few things.

[4k words. 15 minute read. proper section headers.]

this is a big summary so i’m sure i’ll forget things, i’ve already had to add in the events caused by the dovewing/tigerheart romance/conflict that carries through the first three books, and that cloudtail being an atheist has a major effect on ivypaw. i know i wrote a detailed summary of the first arc, where i didn’t forget any of that, but nothing exists for the second arc. anyway this au is tagged cloudtail’s daughter and apparently i have a lot to say about it so i’m sure if you click on the tag you can find info about it. assuming this isn’t the first thing i post. which it might be.

section one: things that don’t happen

so i don’t want this to be a po3 rewrite, which means i’m going to take a moment to explicitly discuss what doesn’t change.

first, po3 stays pretty much exactly the same. i want jayfeather to be a warrior too. i also want him to be dovewing’s brother. but the au where brightheart gives birth to dovekit, anxiety child, and jaykit, blind, and feels like a failure despite the fact that its not like her half-blindness is genetic, is not this au. that is another au.

anyway, hollyleaf does keep herself more together, because she needs to be alive for some family drama. she’s in background character hell (BGCH) for a while, though, especially the first book.

she still goes to the tunnels, mind, she just comes out sooner.

but otherwise, despite my personal tastes, i’m not changing po3 very much.

section two: brightheart’s litters

okay so cloudtail and brightheart have four children, i believe, and my choice is either to replace whitewing, or to replace the others. now, i don’t particularly care for either of these options, but i’d rather they have their second litter younger, so we’re replacing amber/dew/snow. this still lets you have old queen drama, but not so much that you’re like “brightheart how on god’s green earth did you have 3 children with no issues”

instead, she’ll have dovekit and ivykit at about the same time whitewing had them.

now, for complicated cat genetic reasons, cloudtail could have been a black cat. now, here me out: what i mean is, if he wasn’t white, he could be black. basically, white is a masking color in cats, it goes on top of whatever pattern they would have displayed. both he and brightheart would have to inherit one dilute gene (princess was not dilute, so she had to carry it), and then either dovewing or brightheart are tortie, and that’s the best i can do for keeping dovewing grey.

i, personally, lean towards tortie brightheart, because i always pictured her that way, but i have seen some pretty cute tortie dovewing.

ivykit inherits red from her mother, and is tortie either way, because tortie ivypool is cute.

in fact, i’ve been tinkering with the idea that ivykit and dovekit have kind of mirrored grey and cream spots. not, like, perfectly mirrored, because that’s not how tortoiseshell/calico (they would technically be calico, since they have white) works, but close enough to be cute.

section three: arc one (summary)

these books are going to have six protagonists (dovekit, lionblaze, cinderheart, hollyleaf, jayfeather, ivypool, in that order) with a secondary character who gets less chapters but the most important b-plot (ivykit, hollyleaf, lionblaze, jayfeather, cinderheart, dovewing).

arc one focuses on “two braincells” i.e., dovewing, lionblaze, and cinderheart (sorry bb, ur not like the other two, but i’m putting you somewhere) and the main theme is dovepaw learning to manage her power. it’s a tug and pull between dovewing: glass canon, and dovewing: can’t do shit.

cinderheart and lionblaze also have a romance going on, which irritates ivypaw, who has a bit of a catalyst with the dark forest in the middle/end of the arc (like in the original). we only get this through external perspecives, though, because when this happens, lionblaze is in the secondary position.

one of the ways to fix this book series is to decouple it from ivy and dove, much as i love them. both the beavers and the dark forest make up a b-plot in this arc, while the quest for the third prophecy cat, as well as growing tensions between clans, take center stage, and lionblaze and cinderheart work in the second and third book to give us the adult perspective of the tension that dovekit and ivykit can’t in the first book.

mostly, this is fairly low stakes. part of that is because characters are having stakes appropriate for them, rather than smeared around in a book. (looking @ u, flametail buddy). so dovekit/paw spends her first book worried about apprentice things and doesn’t get to narrate again until the end of the series.

section four: book one — growing shadows

i think the fourth apprentice is a stupid name, okay?

so book one is dovekit and ivykit, for pretty obvious reasons.

although actually i’m pushing off the beavers in this to book two or three. i’m not 100% sure where i want that, yet.

so anyway, dovekit is born and wow is she anxiety child. (i call dovewing anxiety child a lot, because, well, she is? i feel like it’s sort of implicit in the books and i’m making it explicity.) anyway, she’s in sensory overload like 100% of the time. see, she was born late, and so she didn’t have her powers kick in over time like lionblaze and jayfeather. nope. she got the adult version right away.

so she spends a lot of time hiding with cloudtail because he’s big and fluffy and not complicated to look at. cloudtail and brightheart are understandibly pretty worried about her, because no one really knows what to do about it. she’s skittish and distractable and extremely sensitive. she hates going out in the rain, hates bright sun, etc.

(side note: dovekit’s powers extend to pretty much all her senses. she can see, hear, and smell much farther than she should, and she can taste and feel much more strongly than an other cat.)

ivykit doesn’t feel unloved, but she does know her sister is getting more attention, and that always kind of hurts, even if you’re understanding.

cloudtail and brightheart work to try to help dovekit get on her feet, but they’re not super successful. she learns to cope enough to be able to function as a kit, but she’s always kind of a strange, quiet kit. she doesn’t know how to talk about seeing too much because she doesn’t realize its too much.

dove is given to cinderheart, because lionblaze is a terrible mentor for small anxiety child, and ivy is given to lionblaze. this will also create drama later, just wait.

so the main plot of this book is keyed into dovepaw learning to hunt. the stakes are pretty low, honestly. they’re mounting around dovepaw and ivypaw, but the girls are too young to properly understand everything.

dovepaw is initially successful hunting due to some luck and being good at spotting prey, but she can’t replicate it. ivypaw only trains with her a bit at first, and she sees this success, and feels like her parents’ attention on dovepaw made dovepaw better than her.

this gets ivypaw into the dark forest. this is the b-plot: ivypaw training, realizing she made a mistake, and not knowing how to get out. plus, she doesn’t have to mind her sister. (ivypaw is raised by an atheist, so while she’s smart enough to eventually work out that these cats are evil, she doesn’t have a sunshine and rainbows view of starclan. that’s the only way i can justify her not being smart enough to nope the fuck out of there, even if she is really young and really angry.)

in clan life, ivypaw knows she needs to look out for dovepaw. she doesn’t mind, but she gets to experience a life without that in the dark forest.

dovepaw does mind how everyone treats her like she’s made of glass. she sees cinderheart talking to brightheart and jayfeather and firestar and feels like everyone thinks she’s useless. so she decides to go out on her own and prove she can function.

dovepaw starts sneaking out at night and she finds the tunnels. her senses dampened, she panicks, running deeper and deeper, getting lost. fallen leaves will find her, and help get her strength up and then get her out. kind of like with hollyleaf, who is out of the caves by now.

ivypaw sees everyone searching for dovepaw and starts to feel guilty about wanting more attention, and the fact that part of why she wants dovepaw back is so people pay attention to ivypaw again. she also feels responsible for this.

cinderheart is distraught, because she really did care about dovepaw, and it’s been three days, her scent tracked to the tunnels but it was raining and no one has seen her since, so she’s probably dead.

ivypaw, grieving, refuses to accept that dovepaw is dead and she hunts outside the tunnel mouth until she thinks she hears something.

dove and ivy reunite and return to the clan. ivypaw’s convictions that dovepaw needs to be protected are strengthened, and dovepaw knows she failed in her goal. everyone is happy to see them.

we get some fretting about how washed out everything is, how the rain didn’t even stick because the soil is so dry. that’s a cue to the drought, which will be a bigger deal next book.

section five: book two — fading echoes

honestly i’m not attached to book titles, but this works here too.

so this book is split between lionblaze and hollyleaf. i’m pretty sure hollyleaf is out of the caves by now, but i haven’t decided if she’s rejoined the clans. she feels strongly for fallen leaves: they’re listed as mates on the warrior cats wiki, and if hollyleaf and jayfeather are both going to have ancient dead ghost mates, she’s at least going to visit hers. her end goal is to get him to starclan so they can be together after her death.

anyway, this is beavers book. i don’t have a ton to say about it because it’s pretty much the same, except hollyleaf goes with dovepaw and cinderheart and she’s our pov as dovepaw falls for tigerheart because (and this is my understanding of her logic in the books to begin with): “big fluffy tom is safe fluffy tom.”

lionblaze feels the disconnect between him and ivypaw, but he can’t help that cinderheart is away. ivypaw is clearly preoccupied, but he can’t tell with what. his larger conflict is in finding the third cat.

this isn’t a filler book, per say. the tree falls and that happens, and lionblaze gets thrown into rebuilding camp. ivypaw feels doubly abandoned. lionblaze tries to win her affection, but he doesn’t know how.

beaver crew gets back. dovepaw has stars in her eyes. ivypaw is close to passing her warrior assessment, but lionblaze can tell she’s holding back because she doesn’t want to leave dovepaw. dovepaw can hunt by now, but she can’t really split her attention.

she’s scared of going into battle.

after a border skirmish where dovepaw just freezes, ideas of her being a medicine cat are raised.

ivypaw sees tigerheart in the dark forest, and she goes all bluefur being like “snowfur ur bf has rabies” on dovepaw, who is not happy with this. ivypaw pushes dovepaw to be a medicine cat because of this. the sisters are squabbling and barely talking.

book ends.

section six: book three — distant whispers

again not 100% sold on the names.

so this is cinderheart’s book, and she’s going to figure this out, because dovepaw and ivypaw are falling apart, and dovepaw deserves to be a warrior. so she convinces firestar to let her and lionblaze take ivypaw and dovepaw to the mountains. she believes, well, i’m not sure i haven’t worked that part out.

anyway, they go.

the tribe is like “yeah the world sure is a big place with a lot to look at. that’s why only half of us look.” (i know that’s not exactly how cave guard’s work but close enough.)

cinderheart is like “hm. what if, dovepaw, just a thought, what if you just, you know, avoid battles? i know it’s part of clan life but judging by the two souls crammed into my body, i’d say there’s been very few major conflicts over this and, reasonably, you should be able to avoid being chosen for battle control.”

dovepaw says, “but cinderheart, i’m a main character! unless i’m being punished or taught a lesson about duty, i’ll be automatically registered for every battle patrol until i die!”

cindheart says, “you’re right, i’m so sorry. hey ivypaw, [whoops yeah ivy and lion are here too sorry i forgot to mention that] what if you two learn to work as a team.”

dovepaw says, “i don’t want to work with her.”

ivypaw says, “that’s a great idea.”

because dovepaw talks very quietly (she forgets not everyone can hear as well as her), ivypaw wins.

they spend at least a month in the tribe, maybe longer, i’m not sure. eventually, they decide to go back. dovepaw is never happy in the tribe, it’s way too loud all the time, but she does manage to sort out her hunting issues, and so fighting is left.

so there’s still a big push for dovepaw to consider maybe being a medicine cat.

but that is not this au. this is the jaywing/dovefeather au where they basically switch roles. there’s a really good fic where dovepaw goes to riverclan for a while that i love and anyway this au is a as-close-as-possible to canon au for me to rectify my issues with dovewing in canon (nominally, i don’t have any, but i think her character was displayed…curiously, and i’m mad about the prophecy.)

ivypaw is team medicine cat. cinderheart and lionblaze are struggling. cinderheart eventually teaches dovepaw an extension of the techniques of the tribe, and they work out that dovepaw can kind of, track the cats she’s with to anchor herself in battle. this means dovepaw no longer is tied to ivypaw for her success, and so they both become warriors.

while they’re still in the tribe, ivypaw has time away from the dark forest and lionblaze finally puts two and two together, and that basically makes up the b-plot for the back half of the book, lionblaze trying to get ivypaw to admit what’s going on and then trying to help her.

dovewing’s senses begin to return but since they come back slowly she’s able to manage them. so she quickly excels in hunting.

ivypool cottons on to the dark forest breeding loyalty between its members, not to their original clans, and realizes that this is going to threaten all four of the clans.

end book with a bang, end first arc. we will now turn to the actually-have-more-than-two-braincells crew (sorry cinderheart, you don’t deserve to be in this group, but your prefix doesn’t end in -y, so you can’t be with jay/holly/ivy in the brainy crew.)

section seven: arc 2 (summary)

so this arc is when the main conflict (dark forest battle) becomes obvious. dovewing’s problems have been sorted out, so she’s pushed into BGCH for a little bit while the smart adults sort things out.

book three ends with ivypool realizing the dark forest isn’t a personal problem, but a clan-group (like, all of the clans together? not sure how to call it) sized problem. ivypool, jayfeather, and hollyleaf together manage to sort out a lot of the dark forest’s eventual plan, and they try to sort out a way to solve it. then the battle happens. that’s basically the summary?

in here, the clans start working together way sooner and the prophecy comes out way faster.

section eight: book 4 — the forgotten character

alright, hollyleaf is liberated from BGCH. actual title is still the forgotten warrior.

hollyleaf and ivypool start to bond, and hollyleaf is convinced all the clans need to know about what’s up.

ivypool disagrees, and they talk about it like rational people.

hollyleaf and fallen leaves are still cute.

jayfeather has his timetravel thing in this book so he can do flametail’s job in the next book. he gets to talk to hollyleaf and fallen leaves about it.

i don’t think i’d mess with jayfeather and briarlight’s relationship in this au, because i think it’s sweet in canon as is, but you know i have thoughts about half moon and briarlight. anyway, jayfeather gets his book next, this is about hollyleaf.

fallen leaves helps hollyleaf learn to control, idk, spirit dream travel? jayfeather helps with this too. hollyleaf has to share extra hard with jayfeather because she took up a disproportionate amount of time in lionblaze’s book.

so anyway, hollyleaf is learning to travel into the dark forest. similar to the way dark forest cats leave it? but in reverse. this is the main plot.

like the second book, it’s not really filler, so much as lower stakes, and like the second book, i don’t have a ton to say about it because the plot is self evident. unfortunately, hollyleaf has the two “chill” books. sorry bb.

anyway, this is building into jayfeather going all angry old man yells at sky at starclan next book, so the biggest conflict in this book is hollyleaf realizing she can just, leave. she can go back in time the way jayfeather did, but on purpose, save fallen leaves, and they can be alive.

i mean, that wouldn’t actually work, not the least because i’m not keen on hollyleaf being a reincarnation, espcially in the reincarnation-lite universe, but also because she can’t save fallen leaves, then he wouldn’t be a sharpclaw, not really, and like a whole host of other issues but anyway

at the end of power of three, hollyleaf runs away from her problems. this book is about her standing up to defend them.

i don’t know if she explicitly breaks up with fallen leaves, but they have a falling out that won’t get resolved until after the great battle. this is a mutual/not mutual thing where they both know that fallen leaves is stopping hollyleaf from fully committing to helping her clans now, but they love each other.

relationship conflict that isn’t forbidden romance.

speaking of, ivypool getting close to hollyleaf means that the two of them start to reconnect with their siblings. hollyleaf’s actions alienated her from jayfeather and lionblaze and she kind of just was sad and apologetic but they didn’t want to forgive her.

(sorry hollybush, says jayfeather,

that’s not my name, says hollyleaf,

oh, says jayfeather, guess i forget. well anyway, i have a new sister now. her name is dovewing.

dovewing?, says hollyleaf. but you don’t like her.

it’s okay, says jayfeather, she never tore my family to shreds and then abandoned me to deal with the fallout.)

(jayfeather and hollyleaf always seemed closer to me than lionblaze and either of them, until hollyleaf’s whole event. anyway he remains petty about everything and lionblaze stands by him because, well, he’s not wrong, also dovewing is important to cinderheart so he feels like he should be on her side on this which means jayfeather’s side. even though cinderheart is friends with hollyleaf look i said lionblaze is a loveable dumbass already, didn’t i?)

so anyway hollyleaf is sad and ivypool sees that and is like “hm maybe i shouldn’t be a petty bitch for no reason” and this is fine until after this series is over when dovewing and tigerheart are like “bitch we gon b together”

dovewing’s emotions get jayfeather to, well, not go back on his actions, but recognize hollyleaf is the most effective person to work with. because lionblaze and dovewing are just. so dumb.

and yeah this book ends with things feeling almost hopeful.

section nine: book 5 — sign of the moon

i cannot overstate how little i care about the titles of these books.

anyway, jayfeather and cinderheart.

i don’t have a ton of thoughts about this one. jayfeather reunites starclan, cinderheart helps convince ivypool and dovewing to work together. this is the book where clans find out about the propechy but not the dark forest that is for next book

they know something is coming, but everyone agrees not to give ivypool away yet. they like her, you know, alive.

anyway, i don’t have much to say because it’s pretty obvious what happens, because this is just a bunch of events from other books crammed into this book, now, and they’ve been written and i don’t see the need to make many changes.

cinderheart and lionblaze have kit drama, maybe? cinderheart counsels dovewing about tigerheart, maybe? my point is it’s not super important.

the book ends with the two warriors to every camp. and dovewing, jayfeather, and lionblaze, are going to get split up.

this is my biggest change so far imo because it’s the most plot relevant.

dovewing is going to shadowclan with ivypool. jayfeather is going to windclan with…i’m not sure yet? i don’t want him going to riverclan because leafpool has ties to riverclan and, well, i want jayfeather to get a chance to stand on his own. and lionblaze goes to riverclan, with either cinderheart or hollyleaf.

jayfeather is super grumbly about this, but admits that it’s important as a show of unity, and also, he’s pretty functional in wind clan? like they’re all playing to their strengths.

jayfeather learns to navigate pretty quickly, dovewing appreciates quiet and also not being that-strange-cat who everyone is super careful around, and lionblaze is big and gregarious and enjoys riverclan being chill and friendly. so yeah, people get a chance to chill and be happy.

ivypool is in position to be angsty next book.

end book.

section ten: book 6 — the last hope

despite my claim that the biggest change is sending the three to different clans, i don’t have a lot to say about it.

basically, well, okay

first, we see ivypool and dovewing again. reminder that last time we were in one of their heads, they were apprentices. in book one.

dovewing couldn’t even hunt last time we had her pov.

so there’s a few chapters to some characterization that happens. dovewing is no longer anxiety child. she’s somewhat shy, she’s soft spoken, but she’s not skittish. you can’t surprise her. and she’s intense. she’ll just stare at you with wide eyes if you come talk to her until you say something she wants to respond to.

ivypool sees why dovewing and tigerheart are good together. she’s still not supportive, but, like, he understands her. he doesn’t treat her like she’s fragile, but he also is kind and forgiving and soft to her.

plus he’s a total simp for dovewing. that helps.

anyway, ivypool gets along fairly well in shadowclan. i don’t have ton of thoughts about this.

ivypool, hollyleaf/cinderheart, and jayfeather’s companion, as well as half of the other cats away on missions, are acting as messengers between their host clans and their home clans. that’s how ivypool gets to find out about info. they meet on the island every morning. or something.

anyway, this bit is where i most hate the set up of this with two pov per book hard cap because it’d be cool to see into everyone else’s head but that’s for novellas and side stories.

the battle happens.

everything sucks. dovewing has basically committed to tigerheart, but bramblestar’s storm messes with the timeline.

and that’s pretty much it.

section eleven: what’s next?

so i swore i wasn’t starting new fic and then i thought of this and now i do want to write it so, maybe?

the most important thing is:

tl/dr: the reason dovewing shouldn’t have been a prophecy cat is because she’s not the kin of firestar’s kin.

[ilguna]

Tacenda - Chapter Ten (f.o)

Summary: you’ll never truly be free from the Capitol.

Word Count; 4k

Warnings; swearing, DEATH MENTION

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

Katniss throws another rock at the forcefield, and then she looks back to you guys, “Hang on.”

She heads straight for the tree that’s nearby. When you look up to see how tall it is, you realize that it might be one of the biggest inside of the arena. She would get a perfect view up there. Props to her for that quick thinking.

She slings the bow over her shoulder as she begins to climb up stealthily.

“Looks like I’m not the only one who climbed trees as a kid.” you laugh, covering your eyes from the sun to watch her disappear in the mess of leaves, tree branches and vines.

“Maybe you have met your match.” Finnick suggests, you scoff.

“As if!” you smile, leaning against a tree.

Peeta looks between you two curiously, almost like he doesn’t know what to think of you two. Of course he knows the basics, hopefully. The fact that you two won your games together, had a little falling out only to come back stronger when Annie had won her games. Hell, you came out engaged.

You’ve been married to Finnick for five, maybe six years now. You’ve known him for ten, but your relationship is almost like best friends. You two don’t drape over each other like lovers do. It could be because you guys know that the other will be just fine without it

You and Finnick can look after each other without being suffocating about it. It’s not like Katniss and Peeta have that type of relationship at all.

But then again, he could just be staring at you guys like this, because this is the type of relationship that he wants with Katniss. Something so laid-back. You guys can rely on each other, and share looks and know what the other is thinking without a single word being said. A mutual agreement, an understanding.

He’s not trying to protect you all the time, and you’re not trying to do the same to him. While with Katniss and Peeta, she’s so worried about him, that it doesn’t really leave room for mistakes.

You can see it all now.

“How are you holding up, Peeta?” you ask, still playing around with the knife, “Got superpowers yet?”

Peeta smiles, looking down at the ground slightly, “I’m doing good. Thank you, by the way, Finnick.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

You point to Finnick with the knife, and then raise your eyebrows, “You had your first kiss with Peeta, how exciting was that?”

Finnick laughs, shaking his head at you, “He was dead, it doesn’t count.”

You raise your eyebrows a little taller, “Okay, then do it again, I dare you.”

“I’ll pass, thanks.” Peeta says, moving away from Finnick purposely.

“You’re not my type, anyway,” Finnick says to Peeta, giving you a wink.

It’s quiet for a second, and then, “Haymitch gave you those?”

Finnick holds up his wrist, the same time as you hold out your hand with the ring. Not a word had passed between you two to spark this.

“Huh. Leave it to Haymitch, I guess.”

“You should be thanking him,” you shake your head, stopping with the knife, “He’s saving your lives. Had you gone this alone…”

They’d be as good as dead.

“What happened during the first bloodbath, anyway?” you ask, looking to Finnick.

“Guy from five tried to attack Katniss, saved her,” Finnick says, holding out his fingers, “Katniss shot at both Gloss and Enobaria. Gloss wasn’t quick enough, so he should be weak in one of his calves. Peeta killed the guy from nine.”

You look to Peeta to see that he’s nodding, “He can thank me for that. He almost missed it while he was looking at me.”

“I was surprised to see you, was all.” Peeta tries to defend himself, “And the ring was weird to see too.”

So, he did see it. Good enough for you.

“Anyone else?” you ask Finnick.

He shrugs, “That was it, besides the four cannons when we were running.”

Four, and the three kills that you had all gotten total, comes out to seven.

Only seven? That can’t be right.

“I guess we’ll see who exactly died tonight.” you say, and then look over to see Katniss coming down the tree.

She pulls the bow off of her back when she gets to the ground, “The forcefield, it’s a dome. We’re at the edge of the arena.” she stops next to Peeta, “I couldn’t find any signs of fresh water.”

“It’s gonna get dark soon, we’ll be safe with our backs protected. We should set up camp, take turns sleeping.” Finnick says, and then adds, “I can take first watch.”

Katniss laughs, “Not a chance.”

Finnick stands, and this is when you know it’s not going to be good. You reach out to grab his shoulder, glaring at Katniss over it, because you don’t want her to piss off Finnick.

“Honey,” he starts, gripping onto his trident a little tighter, “That thing I did for Peeta back there, that was called saving his life. If we wanted to kill either of you, we would have done it by now.”

And with that, you let go of his shoulder, nodding a little bit. Because he’s not wrong, there would be no point with keeping them around if you didn’t want them as allies. Hell, Finnick could have let Peeta die, and you would have sticked Katniss down. Problem solved, almost instantly.

Finnick pulls his trident up, and then offers his hand to you. You take it, and he begins to pull you off, away from where Katniss and Peeta are. He helps you up a step, and looks behind you guys, presumably at the other two. Then, he follows you to a tree you’ve picked out.

You sit against it, leaning your head back. Finnick checks up on you, and you tell him that you’re doing fine. You let him know before he goes that you’re fine with taking a watch if either of them suddenly decide they’re not okay with it. You make sure to say it a little loud so Katniss can catch that too.

She is supposed to be trusting of you, after all.

After that, you give Finnick a quick kiss, and close your eyes. Mostly hoping to take a nap, since you’re exhausted from the activity. You’ve already fought someone, and you’ve been climbing around the jungle all day with the sun beating down on your backs. The warmth of the arena is gross, and it hasn’t been comforting since the moment you arrived.

You place the knife carefully, so that if you suddenly make a grab for it, it won’t be the blade that you’re grabbing, instead it’ll either be dirt and leaves, or the hilt.

You begin to doze off, thinking about anything but the games. Mostly about your family back home. You’re aware that there’s a big chance that they have eyes on you right now. They could be seeing how tired and dehydrated you are. You’re just hoping that they aren’t worrying too much.

The question of whether or not they had watched you kill the male morphling comes to mind, and you keep telling yourself that it’s slim. That they wouldn’t have cameras underwater, because you and him were far down. Underneath the cornucopia and the path rocks is nothing but water. Unless they have cameras attached to the black rock, the chances of them seeing you were slim.

You’re just glad that you haven’t done anything above water just yet. You haven’t ran into any careers, or any stragglers. People who aren’t in the alliance would be a pain in the ass to fight. Especially since your little group right here, is made up of the two highest numbers. You and Finnick had gotten eleven’s, but Katniss and Peeta? The both of them had scored a twelve.

And going back to what you said earlier about numbers. High numbers are just as dangerous as low numbers. People tend to head for them, so the four of you are basically like a beam of light. If anyone that’s not in the alliance were to come after you guys, their first targets would likely be Peeta and Katniss, with you guys following shortly after.

However, you have a feeling that Katniss and Peeta didn’t deserve the numbers that they got. Sure, they could have shown off some deadly ass skill or something dumb like that, but once again, the scores are rigged. They could give them the high number just because they’re pissed off with them.

They want people to go after them. It’s not so that sponsors will go after them, it’s because they’re hoping that people will try to attack and kill them. Snow isn’t happy with Katniss by any means because of how rowdy the districts have gotten over her act of rebellion with Peeta.

Of course, Peeta had taken part in the action of almost eating the berries, but Katniss is the one that suggested it. She’s the one that pulled out the berries and wanted Peeta to eat them with her. Get rid of her, and the entire thing should die. There’s a chance that it’ll just make it worse, though. Because it would obviously be staged, but then again that could be why you’re all in this place.

It’s because Snow couldn’t just outright kill her. Everyone would be suspicious of it, and the Capitol absolutely loves them right now. They’d get mad at Snow if she ‘accidentally’ died. So, the only solution to that would be to alter what the Quell is. Change it from whatever unfortunate it was before, to what it is now. Now, the crowds can’t get mad if she’s suddenly killed, because she’s not the only one, and it won’t necessarily be his fault.

Katniss and Peeta won’t be killed in here though. It’s the entire mission, they’re going to get out of this arena alive. No matter what happens, you guys are supposed to take special care of Katniss, since she’s going to be the face of it. Keep Peeta happy too, because a happy Peeta, is theoretically a happy Katniss.

The sound of the anthem makes your eyes shoot open as if you’ve been shocked.

“It’s just the fallen.” Finnick says, “Nothing to worry about.”

You nod a little bit, settling your head back against the tree while hoping that your heart calms down some.

The first to show up is the guy from five. No careers are dead, Beetee and Wiress are alive, and obviously so are you and Finnick. Next to show up is the male morphling from District Six, following is Woof. He must have been the cannon that you guys heard when you were running, there’s no way he made it to the cornucopia. He’s old, he was barely doing well inside of the training center.

Your heart completely stops when you see Cecelia.

You slap a hand over your mouth, the tears already brimming your eyes. You’re careful to miss the knife entirely when you push yourself up. You can hear Finnick behind you while you move out of the way, away from Katniss and Peeta.

Cecelia’s dead. Her husband and three kids are now missing a wife and mother. She’s dead. Your best friend is dead.

“I should have saved her.” you sob, crouching down in the bushes while you try not to hyperventilate, “I should have saved her.”

Finnick rubs your back, “Breathe, it’s not your fault.”

“Finnick, I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

He makes you sit in the dirt, hugging you and shushing you slightly. He rocks you back and forth lightly, chin on your head. You can guess that he’s staring at the sky to check the last few people who have died.

“It’s okay.” Finnick tells you, squeezing you a little tighter, “It’s not your fault, honey. You were a good friend to her, and she knew it.”

You eventually start to get a hold of your breathing, but it still feels like a frog is stuck in your throat. You really wish that there was water, because you’ve definitely made this whole dehydration thing worse. Finnick moves from stray hairs back behind your ears, still rocking you and humming slightly, trying to get you to calm down.

It’s a few more minutes of this, before you finally decide that you’re okay. He double checks, and then helps you back to where you were sitting. On the way, he tells you the rest that had been killed. Both of District Nine, girl from ten, and Seeder.

You don’t feel like you can go back to sleeping, so you go back to spinning the knife in your hand, staring at the dirt adjacently. You try not to look in the direction of Peeta, not wanting to see him stare at you in pity. At least with Katniss, she’s behind you, therefore she can do it behind your back.

Eight have died, you were off by a number. There’s still fourteen people around the arena, taking away your group that you have going on, eight. The people left should be everyone up until four, the girl from five, the female morphling from District Six, Johanna and Blight, the guy from ten, and Katniss and Peeta.

It’s complete silence again, only the sounds of cicadas and other bugs filling the air. Until, the chiming of a sponsor gift breaks it. You look behind the tree to see that Katniss is already on her feet, heading towards where the gift had been dropped.

You can hear her break open the metal, clearly eager for whatever the gift may be.

“Drink up?” Katniss says, you’re guessing she’s reading the note.

“Is it water?” you ask, moving from your spot a little bit to see better, Peeta is also sitting up now.

“What is it?” Finnick asks, and you can just barely see Katniss hold up something.

“It’s from Haymitch,” she says, pausing for a moment as she turns it over her hand. Then, she gets up, “I think it’s a spile.”

“A what?” Finnick asks.

Katniss grabs a pretty big rock, and then goes over to a thin three. She hits it a few times, making sure that it gets into the tree. She waits, and you watch as Peeta gets up from his spot. On the way, he offers you a hand to get up too.

After thanking him, you join the other two at the tree. Katniss places her hand on it, waiting desperately. And then the water starts running.

“You’re kidding me,” Finnick laughs, and then he pushes you in front of him slightly.

Katniss gets water first, getting a mouthful. You can feel the smile come over your face suddenly, glad that there’s water. Peeta then goes next, taking his turn with it. Finnick still pushes you to go before him, so you take as much as you can hold, and then move out of the way too.

It’s weird to say, but you’ve never been happier to see water. You all continue to take turns with the water. For a little while, you sit under it, taking mouthfuls when you need it. And then eventually, when you feel much better and no longer sluggish, you take the knife from where you had been sitting at the tree.

“I’m going to find a place to sleep.” you tell Finnick, cupping his face slightly, “Don’t stay up for too long, okay?”

He nods, and brings you in for a kiss, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Finnick.” you say, moving some hair out of his face, “Drink more water.”

He laughs, “Goodnight.”

“‘Night.” you say, moving down to the spot you were eyeing. It’s farther down that Peeta is, and it’s next to a small drop in the dirt, caused by the root of a tree.

You place the knife in reach again, and then use one of your arms as a pillow. You close your eyes, falling asleep to the sounds of the bugs surrounding you.

You wake again at the sound of a gong. However, you don’t jump up like you did before, and you don’t open your eyes either. You try to keep track of how many times it happens, but you end up being impatient.

When it’s finally over, you can hear Katniss, “I counted twelve.”

“Midnight?” Finnick suggests.

“Or the number of districts.”

The silence consumes you guys again, until you hear sort of a charging sound. You recognize it, mainly because it’s the sound that your tv used to make at the house you had before winning. When the electricity used to be turned on for a couple hours of the day.

You open your eyes just in time to see the lightning strike the tree the first time. It’s partially loud, and you can help but to cover your eyes each time it flashes. You groan, turning over.

“Well,” Finnick starts, “If you’re not gonna sleep, I will.”

“Okay.” Katniss says.

You listen to the rustling of leaves and how they get louder. You don’t want to move from your spot, but you lean back slightly, opening your eye just a peek to see just how close Finnick is. He sets down the trident carefully, and lowers himself onto the ground.

“It’s just me.”

“I know,” you sigh, lifting up your arm, he slides in right behind you.

He spoons you, pulling you tight against his body. You hold onto his hand a little, squeezing it for reassurance. You’re thankful that the lightning storm doesn’t have any water either, even if cold rain would feel good right now. You don’t want to be huddled up, shivering like a cold, wet dog.

Eventually, the lightning storm becomes nothing but background noise to you. And instead of keeping you up, it lulls you right to sleep.

–

Katniss’ scream jolts you awake. Your hand is on the knife before you realize it, and you’re pushing Finnick’s arms off of you. You get up into a crouching position just as she yells, “Run!” Finnick sits up now, “Run! The fog is poison.”

You yank Finnick onto his feet as hard as you can. His trident was already in his hand, so he doesn’t have to bend over and pick it up. You watch as Peeta and Katniss race by you and Finnick. You two don’t lag very far behind, though. You’re pretty far ahead of the fog when you do start running.

You don’t hold onto Finnick, knowing that you can run just fine without him pulling you along. You use the vines on a tree to help you down, but as soon as they’re inconvenient, you let go.

Peeta leads the way on this one. He swings occasionally, taking down anything that might get in the way. Katniss is behind him, and Finnick is behind you. Eventually, you press the button for the knife to turn into the sword, as you swing at anything Peeta might have missed.

It’s quick motions. A twig gets in the way, you’ll swing at it, and keep moving. Anything that holds the potential of hurting you unnecessarily, you get it out of the way.

As you guys run, though, you can see that it begins to come from all directions. Peeta just barely slides by when it suddenly appears on your guys’ right. You make sure to get out of the way of the fog, but even then, you can still feel the tingle of the toxicity that it breathes into the air.

Peeta’s path becomes much more jagged. You guys will run to the left for a little while, and then the fog comes in, corralling you a different way. After that, it comes in from the right. You weave in and out of trees and bushes, until you finally realize that you and Finnick had split up from Katniss and Peeta.

Your eyes sweep the ground in front of you, and you take chances in quick glances to see if you can find where they had gone. You find them far off to your left, still running.

With this slip up, you can feel the entire right side of your body start burning. Without realizing it, you had accidentally started to run into the fog, rather than away from it.

Finnick grabs your hand while you try not to scream. Your run slows down considerably, since it feels like your entire right side of your body is on fire. From your head down to your toes, anything that had been exposed, is now aflame with the poison that the fog is made out of.

He tries his best to pull you along, not wanting you to slip up like that again. You watch as he makes almost the same mistake as you do. He yells out in pain, his arm twitching with the trident that’s in it, like he wants to raise the arm and hold onto his neck.

You watch as Peeta falls because Katniss isn’t able to carry him.

You and Finnick head to where Katniss and Peeta are.

“I can’t carry him.” Katniss says to Finnick.

You grab one of Peeta’s arms, lifting it for Finnick. He pulls the arm over his shoulder, and Katniss does the same on the other side. Finnick yells for you to keep ahead of them, and you comply, knowing that you can’t afford another encounter with the fog.

It still burns, and the more you walk, the more painful it seems to get. While you’re ahead though, you keep coming face to face with the fog. Just to make it all easier, you collapse the sword again so it’s not as heavy.

It’s a good thing you did, because you manage to throw yourself over a decline. The wind on your face is brief, as you begin to fall parallel with the dirt. But eventually, the time for flying is up, and you slam straight into the earth hard enough to shatter some bones.

Behind you, you can hear all three of them yell out in pain, before they’re following the same tumble as you are.

You try to keep a hold of the knife away from you, but eventually you throw it while you can in order not to land on it.

You feel the release in your body when you finally hit the bottom. There’s pain stabbing you all over your body, as well as the godforsaken burning that seems to have flared in your fall.

Finnick almost lands on top of you, but he just barely misses and stops to your left instead. You reach over, placing your hand on his chest to make sure that he’s still breathing as you watch the fog come closer. Once you feel that he’s breathing, you take in a deep breath.

You tell yourself over and over to catch your breath, and then get Finnick and go. You’ve been training for this exact moment, to be able to pick him up and bring him with you in the case of an emergency. He doesn’t even have to be cooperative in the movement, as long as you can get him on your back or something, you’ll be fine.

Just before you’re about to push yourself, you see the fog hit an invisible barrier, stopping it from getting to you four.

You fall back against the dirt again.

[ripley95]

Echoes of Old Embers

Chapter 5

Pairing: F!Shepard/Kaidan Alenko

Rating: T

Chapter length: 4K

Story Synopsis:

After surviving the war, one of Shepard’s biggest regrets was rejecting Kaidan at Apollo’s. Fate has a way of bringing Jane and Kaidan back into each other’s lives. A misunderstanding with his family makes Kaidan and Shepard relive old history and question where they stand.

Link to Chapter 1 on AO3

Chapter Synopsis:

Kaidan shows Shepard around the orchard and shares an important memory of his.

Link to Chapter 5 on AO3

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Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14

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After finishing the lunch that Ada and Libby prepared, Shepard and Kaidan made sure to stay long enough to help put away the leftover food and clean up all of the dishes. Ada shooed them out the door the moment they were done helping so they could go enjoy themselves.

As they walked out the back door, Shepard immediately had a better view of the orchard than when they landed. It spanned for kilometres and was met with a pine forest along the edges, proving that this was a much larger property than she had imagined. Growing up in space, learning about agriculture wasn’t particularly high on the list of learning priorities, so she really had no idea what to expect. Seeing the scope of it first-hand was surprising. The additional view of the hills and mountains in the distance was enough to make her feel small, which wasn’t an easy feeling to achieve after seeing the vastness of space. She had to pause and take it all in.

The sun was out, which was nice considering they only just escaped the rain that had started pouring that same morning back in Vancouver. Spring had only just started, so the sun blanketed them in a pleasant warmth to contrast the cooler temperatures and the light breeze surrounding them. The weather and the scenery couldn’t have been more perfect. She had to credit Libby with having impeccable taste when it came to choosing a time and place to have a wedding.

After taking in the initial scenery, Kaidan started walking, leading the way at a slow and relaxed pace. He waited for Shepard to match him before leading her towards the apple trees.

“So… that was… uh,” Kaidan stammered.

“Interesting?”

“That’s one way to put it,” he said with a slight smile.

“Don’t worry about it. It was fine,” she said, trying to be reassuring. She didn’t want him to feel more guilty than he already did about Maisie’s misunderstanding or the fact that his family had such a shocked reaction to her at first.

“I’m sorry, were we in the same room?” he asked with a lighthearted laugh.

“All right. Yeah, that was a bit of a disaster, wasn’t it? Happy now?” she asked, teasingly.

“As long as we’re on the same page about it,” he said with a smirk. “I’m sure mom will have a talk with Maisie. It’ll probably be fine.”

“Ah. ‘Probably.’ I’m feeling very reassured here, Kaidan.”

“Well, you saw how she reacted. She’s not one to let an idea go easily once she’s made up her mind about something, but she’s harmless enough. Even if it were true, she wouldn’t be selling that information to the tabloids or anything. She’s way too loyal and protective to do anything like that,” he said, somewhat amused before turning his tone more serious. “But then there’s everyone else’s reaction.”

“They were just taken off guard. I get it.”

He turned to her and let out a small laugh. “Yeah, I still can’t believe I didn’t expect that reaction though, because I probably should have.”

“It wasn’t all that bad,” she said, almost believing it herself. “Especially with the way lunch went, I think they calmed down a bit.”

Kaidan nodded in agreement. “They really are a good bunch once you get to know them,” he said as they continued their leisurely pace towards the trees.

“If you’re anything to go by, they can’t be all that bad,” she said with a smile before she realised what she said could have come off as being flirtatious, which is the last thing she wanted. Damn her heart speaking before her brain. An awkward moment of silence passed between them before she cleared her throat. “I just hope I haven’t complicated things too much. I didn’t even think about the fact that I might be stealing Libby’s thunder or anything.”

Kaidan looked at her then. “You heard that, eh?” he asked, sounding guilty. “Yeah, I didn’t even think about that possibility. I’m sure we can think of something to make it up to her. She usually needs some space to cool down, though, so it’s probably best to give her some time.”

Shepard nodded at that. She really didn’t mean to cause such an upset for something that was supposed to be such an important moment in his sister’s life. If worst came to worst, she would end up excusing herself from the wedding anyway. She wasn’t about to be ruffling any feathers at a time like this. She knew Kaidan wouldn’t be happy with that idea. He would have hated for her to be excluded after he invited her here, so she kept it to herself for now. Her thoughts faded into the background as she realised that they finally reached the treeline.

“That’s where the reception’s going to be,” he said, pointing towards a barn off to the side of them, then he turned back to the orchard’s treeline. “And I think this area right here is where Libby’s going to get married. We’ll mow the grass and set up some chairs. She’ll probably walk out from the house, and get married with that view in the background,” he said, pointing to the mountains.

“She certainly has good taste,” Shepard said, taking a glance around the area. Something caught her attention, and she noticed someone standing on the porch watching them out of the corner of her eye. “Don’t look now, but there’s a target at our six,” she said jokingly.

“You don’t say,” Kaidan returned, picking up on the playful banter, determined to play coy along with Shepard, and not turn around to chastise whichever sister it was.

“If I had to venture a guess, I’d say it was Maisie,” Jane said under her breath with a smirk.

“If I had to guess, I’d say you’re probably right,” he said with mirth, shaking his head at his sister and her antics.

“Should we mess with her?” Shepard asked with an evil grin.

Kaidan looked to her with a mix of intrigue and hesitation. “For the record, Maisie’s basically a big child, so the answer to that question is almost always a ‘yes,’” he said with a quiet chuckle.

Shepard nodded, the devilish grin still firmly on her face, as she reached for Kaidan’s hand with her own, gently intertwining their fingers. She immediately revelled in the warmth of his palm against hers, coinciding with an almost immediate sense of regret. Clearly, she hadn’t thought this through. Holding hands was an intimate gesture, and she suddenly realised how big of a mistake she just made. She looked back up to him, not knowing what to do, her evil expression faltering slightly. Kaidan didn’t seem to notice, trying to act as nonchalant as possible to play along with it.

“You sure stepped in it now, Shepard,” he said with a grin, matching her own.

“Yeah,” she said, dragging out the word. “I’m starting to realise that. I may not have fully thought out the repercussions of this.”

“Well, not much more to do now than let it play out,” he said with a smile still plastered to his face. At least he didn’t look as perturbed with the idea of it as she was. “We should head up this way. There’s something I want to show you.”

“Sounds good,” she barely managed to get out before she felt a gentle tug at her hand as Kaidan started to guide them.

They slowly made their way up a small hill past the apple trees. She figured he was probably taking it so leisurely today thanks to her leg being stiff. Kaidan’s thoughtfulness was one of the many qualities that she admired about him, but in this particular instance, she couldn’t help but wish they were moving a little faster. All she could think about was how long her hand had already been safely cradled in his, and how much this ‘prank’ had crossed some kind of line. She could feel the sweat beading between their palms like this was some school-aged crush. Maybe the torture she felt was a fair punishment for doing something so foolish.

He led her towards the outer edge of the pine forest that bordered a corner of their land, and as they got far enough away from the house, she felt his fingers slip out of hers. It was exactly what she wanted, yet somehow, the air now bit at the flesh of her palm. The loss of contact stung as much as the thought of maintaining it. She put her hand in her pocket as a way to distract herself from the sensation of it.

“Is this all part of your property, too?” She asked. She was genuinely curious, but also mostly just wanted to try to forget about what just happened.

“Some of it. The forest extends beyond our border, but the neighbours are really good about sharing it. We won’t be going that far today, though.”

She nodded in acknowledgement, still amazed at the contrast of upbringings they had.

They continued to walk along a small path briefly. She even noticed lights following the trail, implying that it must be one that’s used frequently. It didn’t take long before they reached a clearing with a tiny log cabin right in the middle.

Shepard paused in her tracks, taking in their new surroundings briefly. “This is also yours, I take it?”

Kaidan turned to her, with a soft smile on his face. “Yeah,” he said with a nod. “It’s one of my favourite things here. This is what I wanted to show you,” he said pointing towards the cabin as they walked closer towards it.

The exterior of the cabin left a lot to be desired, though, she had to admit it had a rustic charm. The setting was very calming and private, so she could understand the appeal. It seemed perfectly suited to Kaidan, so no wonder this was one of his favourite spots.

Kaidan led them inside the cabin. It was a relatively simple structure with only one small room. Clearly not meant to be a livable building by any means. Not for any extended periods, anyway. There was a decent looking couch opposite the entrance. Maybe a little dusty, but still in good condition considering it’s been staying in a building that hasn’t been maintained for who knows how long. There was a coffee table, some end tables, and a couple of boxes of what looked like old books strewn about. The air was stale, but Shepard figured it could look pretty quaint with a bit of tidying up. She wasn’t about to disturb anything, but she could picture it being a cozy place to spend an afternoon.

“Why don’t you have a seat and relax for a second,” he said, before opening the curtains and windows to let some natural light in and air out the room.

Shepard followed his direction and sat on the couch, only to have unsettled a small cloud of dust. She coughed slightly and waved her hand around to dissipate any remnants in the air before brushing off the cushion next to her in order for Kaidan to sit down without a repeat of events.

“Thanks,” he said with a genuine smile as he sat next to her on the cushion that she cleaned off.

“I’ve gotta say, Kaidan, this is pretty nice.”

“Yeah. I always liked it.”

“So, is this one of those childhood forts that all you Earth kids got to have?”

Kaidan huffed out a laugh at that. “Not exactly. This is probably pretty luxurious for something like that. And I think it’s pretty rare for us Earth kids to actually get something like a fort out in the woods.”

She nodded with a smile. She was sure he had a point, but her only reference for that kind of thing was from the vids and extranet searches when she was young. She wasn’t exactly the most well versed on planetside upbringings. She was silent after that. Clearly, there was more to this place than meets the eye, and he brought her out here for a reason.

“Sounds like there must be a story about this?” she asked hesitantly.

“Yeah- yeah, there is.”

Kaidan tried to relax into the couch a bit more, and looked out through the window, appearing as though he was trying to distract himself. Shepard silently waited for him to continue, seeing that it was already a difficult story for him.

“Well… you know about Jump Zero.”

That caught her off guard, not expecting this to have anything to do with that. This really was going to be serious then. “Yeah,” she said quietly.

“I know I’ve told you about Vyrnnus before, but we never really discussed what things were like after that.”

Shepard immediately felt guilty. She didn’t mean to dredge up old memories. “Kaidan, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No. It’s okay,” he said, with that wistful smile again. “That time in my life was hard. I won’t lie about that. I mean, I killed a man in cold blood, Shepard.”

“It wasn’t your fault. He was a man abusing his power. Abusing children. You were protecting someone you cared about.”

“Yeah. I know that now,” he said solemnly, nodding his head in affirmation. “It was a bit more complicated at the time, though. I mean, I was sure I had done the right thing, but then Rahna, well, she made me feel like I was some kind of monster. When I came back home, I wasn’t exactly myself anymore. Obviously, I was in therapy, but therapy really isn’t any good unless you accept the help, you know?”

Shepard nodded quietly, understanding the sentiment. She sat intently, studying his features as she listened to what he had to say.

“But anyway, I was only seventeen. I didn’t know how to handle that, and I was too stubborn to actually use the help that was given to me. I was dangerously close to losing myself to the rage that pushed me over the edge that day when I killed Vyrnnus. Either that or getting lost in a deep pit of depression, knowing that I had the power to so easily take away something as precious as someone’s life. I started secluding myself away from my family. I thought I was a danger to them. Siblings can be annoying. I didn’t want to snap at them and lose control again, so I stayed away, hidden in my room most of the time.”

“Obviously, my parents picked up on the fact that therapy wasn’t helping. My dad took me to stay in our apartment on English Bay for a while, just the two of us. I was still angry, and I didn’t know why he brought me out there. He found me one afternoon out on the deck, and he had a case of lager with him. That was the first time I ever had a beer,” he said with a faltering smile. “In retrospect, I don’t know if it was all that smart giving alcohol to a seventeen-year-old with an attitude problem. I guess he had a plan, though, and he knew what he was doing.”

Shepard smiled regretfully. Kaidan’s dad sounded like an amazing man, and someone she wished she could have gotten the chance to meet.

“I think at first, he mostly took me out there to give me some space and try to let me cool off, but he knew that wasn’t going to be enough for me. I think the alcohol was supposed to be a kind of peace offering, knowing that I needed something big to snap me out of it and get me to open up. I think it was supposed to almost be symbolic in a way, letting me drink alcohol like that even before the legal drinking age. He was trying to show me that he trusted me and let me know that I was capable of being responsible with something like that. I didn’t fully realise it at the time, though, you know, but it worked. It was enough to calm me down and be willing to listen to what he had to say.”

Shepard just watched him speak, sad that Kaidan had to go through something like that so young.

“We sat there for a while before he started talking, but then out of nowhere, he told me that he was lucky. I had to stare at him, not having a clue what he was talking about, but then he continued, saying that he left the Alliance before first contact was ever made, so he never even had to be at war. He had done all the training and was well aware of the toll that taking a life can have on a person, but that he was lucky to never have had to do it himself. And then he told me that he was sorry. Sorry that I had to experience something so awful that young. Sorry that he couldn’t relate to me or offer me any words of wisdom. Sorry that he ever let me go up to Jump Zero in the first place,” Kaidan said, his eyes becoming a bit watery. “He said he regretted it. That the turians were trying to make us out to be dangerous and that since humans didn’t have any experience with biotics that I had to go. They said it was the only option for me to learn to control myself. He said there was always something that felt wrong about it, and that he wished he had fought harder to have been able to keep me here with them, but that biotics was just so new and he had no idea what to do about it, but that he made a mistake.”

Kaidan paused for a moment before continuing. “Then he said that he was proud of me. He said that the fact that I had taken a life was something that would likely weigh on me for the rest of mine. That it was important to remember that it wasn’t an action done entirely in cold blood like I thought. That I was standing up for something I believed in, and that I was trying to protect innocent lives. He did go on to say that the situation was more complicated than he knew what to do with. That it was still important for me to learn control and how to deal with my emotions. He didn’t say so specifically, but I think that was his way of pushing me to try harder in therapy. I listened to what he had to say. It was still hard for me to understand it at the time, but I knew he was right. It was better than the pit I had dug myself into, trying to hide away from everyone.”

Shepard continued to listen intently. Kaidan clearly seemed to want to get this off of his chest, and the least she could do was be there for him, but it pained her to see him reliving such a difficult time in his life.

“I kind of thought that would be the end of it. Like it was my dad’s way of relieving his own burden, so he wouldn’t have to feel guilty anymore, just as much as it was meant to persuade me to do better for myself. I almost expected him to wash his hands of me and pass me off to the therapist then. I think I must have just had a hard time knowing what to trust back then, having felt abandoned at Jump Zero once already. It almost felt like my dad was about to be doing it to me all over again with the therapist. I should have listened to him better and trusted him, because of course I was wrong.”

“After we came back to the orchard, he had arranged for a bunch of supplies to be delivered during my first appointment back in therapy. As soon as I got back home, he brought me out here to a bunch of tools and logs and schematics. I think he tried to pass it off as innocently as possible. He said that he knew I was a teenage boy in a house packed full of women, so he knew I needed my privacy. Somewhere to be quiet and contemplate things. So this became our project—a place to be my own, away from everyone else when things got difficult. We came out here and built a little bit every day for a couple months. It probably took us a lot longer than it would for a professional since I didn’t know anything about tools, and he was trying to teach me along the way. Eventually, he even encouraged me to use my biotics to our advantage with it, lifting the logs and trying to place them accurately. He taught me a lot about being patient and learning control,” he said, glancing back to Shepard now, his eyes beginning to shimmer with unshed tears.

“I haven’t been back to this cabin since… well, since he-” he cut himself off, not able to continue.

“Oh, Kaidan,” Shepard said softly with a hint of shock flooding her voice. He hadn’t even had a chance to truly mourn his own father yet with how busy he’s been since the end of the war. Here she was intruding on something deeply personal again. “I should go. You should have some privacy,” she said as she started to adjust herself to get up and leave.

“No, wait,” he said, while simultaneously reaching out to grab her hand, and pulling her back slightly to get her to sit back down again. “Please stay,” he said, with the slightest hint of a pleading tone in his voice. It wasn’t something that Shepard was used to hearing from him. Even when he feared the worst about his father in the observation lounge on the Normandy, he kept his resolve.

She relaxed back into her seat, clasping his hand tightly within hers, trying to exude some level of comfort for him. “Okay,” she said softly. “I will.”

He nodded slowly, before relaxing slightly again, not releasing his hand from hers even still. “I miss him, Shepard. I never even got to say goodbye.”

“I know,” she whispered as she grazed her thumb ever so slightly over his skin. It was the only way she knew how to attempt to take his pain away without crossing that boundary into something more intimate again.

They sat there in silence for a few more moments. She didn’t really know what to say in a situation like this. Of course, she had experienced loss in her own life, too. More than most people’s fair share, even. She’d even lost her own father, but none of it was exactly comparable to this. Kaidan lost one of his lifelines. One of the only people who was capable of bringing him out of one of the darkest times in his life. How was she supposed to be able to comfort him in a time like this?

“It hurts, Shepard,” he said, a tear finally shedding down his face.

She finally gave in and relinquished his hand, unable to sit idly by while he was in so much pain, seeking an outlet and comfort. She wrapped an arm around him, pulling him to her. She held his head tightly to her shoulder, stroking her fingers through his hair, cradling the back of his head as he let out a sob. She continued to hold him tightly and leaned her head against his in a sign of affirmation that she wasn’t going anywhere. Crossing boundaries be damned.