#now lets start the clownery again

[kissingwookiees]

i am firmly in the camp of solas and lavellan never boinking 🫡 which makes 9 years of that singular hang up funny to me

[memory-fragment]

Having another absolutely normal one

[seoafin]

shoko x f!reader (main pairing); gojo satoru x f!reader x geto suguru 1.2k words; no warnings just general high school clownery!!! part of the summertime record series

-

There's an unsettling feeling that creeps over you as you approach the door to your classroom. It's so potent that you pause for a second, hand lingering in the air before you slide the door open.

You take in the scene before you.

It’s an unusual sight, but you’ve come to realize that unusual has become the norm when it comes to your new classmates. Geto Suguru and Gojo Satoru, two powerful jujutsu sorcerers who had taken to each other immediately, for better and for worse.

Geto is gripping Gojo’s wrist, pinning the white haired boy’s outstretched right arm to the desk, the weight of his body hunched over and leveled against Gojo's own to ensure he stays put. Gojo is struggling to use his remaining hand to pull his other one away, but it’s futile against Geto’s ironclad grip.

There is a knife in Shoko’s hand. A regular knife for food preparation that must have been swiped from the kitchen.

The knife is poised right above Gojo’s wrist.

"Let’s just—” Gojo’s voice pitches high, ��wait wait wait wait—"

You stare.

Three gazes turn to you. Gojo’s sunglasses are askew on his face, face feverish with a rising panic.

"Ah, perfect timing." Shoko smiles pleasantly. You stare some more. Then in a perfectly amicable tone she gestures to the katana slung over your shoulder. “We're testing Gojo’s limitless. Can I borrow your katana?"

You wordlessly slide the sheath off your shoulder and hand it to her.

"Sell out!" Gojo condemns, squirming and floundering underneath Geto’s body. You observe that he looks like a miserable fish gasping for air on dry land.

Shoko turns to you, straight faced. "This is for science."

Despite the arduous task of restraining the aforementioned male, Geto only looks slightly winded as his lips curl into another perfectly pleasant smile matching Shoko’s own. “Please,” he says congenially, in a tone that would suggest anything but the cold blooded torture about the ensue. He nods at an empty seat in front of a spare desk. “Enjoy the show.”

“This is my hand we’re talking about—!”

A particularly bony elbow slams into Geto’s chest as you take a seat. Geto remains unfazed. You sit with a wide yawn in an attempt to chase away the last stubborn dredges of sleep.

"I can reattach it." Ieiri says. You can sense the flow of reverse cursed energy in her fingertips as she flexes them. She shrugs. "I think."

Gojo balks, whiter than a ghost. "O-kay. I'm sorry. Hear that Suguru? I said I'm sorry! I won't do it again!”

Even to your ears, it doesn’t sound particularly sincere.

Geto must come to the same conclusion, because he pretends not to hear.

The apologies take a sharp turn. “It’s not my fault you tripped like an idiot into that curse’s mouth—” 

“Let’s get started, shall we?” Geto interrupts. 

He turns to Shoko who holds your unsheathed katana with steady hands. Light dances over the blade, sharp enough that a stray finger on the flat edge could easily draw blood. It’s a beautiful blade, on loan to you from the Kamo family. Your favorite one out of the many that have passed your hands. Most katana users you’ve come to find, are particularly possessive over their blades, like they would a lover, but you think this one looks right at home in Shoko’s elegant hands.

Gojo eyes the prized blade as if it’s the evilest thing to have graced his presence. You know this because it’s an even worse, beadier look than the one he used to give you. Now he only looks at you as if he doesn’t quite know what to say to you now that the two of you have settled into a tentative kind of relationship-not-friendship. You don't miss his antagonism. It's a welcome change.

Shoko levels the sharp blade of your katana against Gojo’s long index finger, above the knuckle. In response, as a last resort, the fingers curl against the desk, ensuring a messy cut.

"Hm,” a slow smile spreads over her face. “A finger? Or the wrist?"

Geto's smile is merciless. It comes easier to him than you would have originally expected. "All of it.”

There’s a yelp. Something utterly incomprehensible leaves Gojo’s mouth. You think it could be his spirit ejecting itself from his body, floating into the air.

There’s a glint in Shoko’s eyes. "Roger that."

A rush of cursed energy fills the katana, imbuing it with malicious intentions.

There is no clear indication of the infinity shrouding Gojo’s body other than the presence of his cursed energy, but you know it has to be in effect because as Shoko furiously saws at the appendage, the blade never sinks into flesh. Sweat forms on Gojo’s brow as he stares intently at the portion of invisible space right above his wrist.

With bated breaths, the three of you stare.

The sawing stops. “Huh, it really doesn’t go through.” Shoko remarks flippantly, stepping away with a shrug. “A shame.”

Geto sighs, loosening his grip.

Gojo springs away with a shaky bark of laughter, too far away from Geto and Shoko and you to be anything but the intention to maintain a distance.

“Of course it wouldn’t have gone through,” he snaps. The relief is evident on his face as he straightens his wrinkled uniform. He waves an accusatory finger at the three of you. “Now you’ve all had your fun!”

Geto and Shoko look too disappointed, without any hint of remorse on their faces.

“Pfft.”

It slips from your mouth before you can help it. Your lips wobble despite your attempt to stifle the laughter growing in your stomach by firmly pressing your lips shut.

Your loud laughter envelopes the room as Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko stare at you, slack mouthed.

“I’m…” the remnants of laughter wrack your body, “sorry…” 

You hadn’t meant to laugh. You think it’s been a long time since you last laughed. 

Gojo’s usual black sunglasses have slid down the bridge of his nose, revealing the wide blue expanse of his eyes. “You laugh?”

“I do,” you answer seriously.

Then you smile widely. The motion is still unfamiliar to your lips but you find it’s a bit easier now. There are things to smile about now. The friendly shrine cats, the warmth of the sun on your skin when you settle down to take a nap, Shoko’s laughter. There’s a raised empty bed of soil in front of the dorms. No flowers or plants. Yaga-sensei had told you that the contractors had been recalled before anything could begin. Then he handed you a book on horticulture.

You don’t know much about plants or flowers or gardening, but you’d like to start.

“You’re dumb,” Shoko directs towards him as she takes the seat next to you. “And you,” Shoko says to Geto. “You’ll catch flies.”

Geto���s mouth snaps shut. You find that he doesn’t meet your eyes, but Shoko easily leans her head against your shoulder and you don’t think much of anything but the weight of her and how good she smells.

In the next second, Yaga-sensei steps into the class, and levels the four of you with a suspicious look.

“Class is starting,” he says, raising an eyebrow when he sees Shoko pressed close to you. Before he turns to the blackboard, you catch a glimpse of a smile. “The four of you in your seats.”

For the first time in a long time, you stay awake through a lesson.

[babyangelsky]

Non is the hidden character and in this essay I will—

—endeavor to make a really good case for it.

This theory is predicated on the possibility of Non still being alive so for my purposes, I'm going to take that as fact. I'm taking a few liberties in places (to varying degrees of clownery) but that central point doesn't change.

This is a long one so get comfy. Okay? Okay.

As of episode 9, we can now be reasonably certain that none of the creepy shit the boys saw was of supernatural origin. They were hallucinations induced by the drug that New/Tan had them smoke in an attempt to get them to spill their secrets about what happened to Non.

Which brings me to Por.

We know two things about Por. One, that something—or someone—lured him out of the house and two, that he saw a ninth person on the house's CCTV.

Was the ninth person a hallucination? If he hadn't been lured out of the house, I'd say maybe. Since he was, let's assume he really did see someone for a second on the cameras.

Now, whoever it was didn't just get Por out of the house. He was specifically led down a predetermined path. When he gets outside and goes to the spot where he saw the figure, he looks down and sees a trail of blood.

He follows this trail and we all know what happens next. He gets deeper into the woods, away from the safety of the house, and starts to hear noises. He turns around, sees a hooded figure following him, and gets chased into a sharpened branch.

Even though New and Phi, although to a lesser extent, are the masterminds behind this little trip to the vacation house, at this moment they are both accounted for. New is playing jenga and getting high with Top and Fluke and Phi is up on the balcony having his dick bitten by Jin. They weren't the ones who lured Por and chased him.

Non did.

What, we're meant to believe that Por just happened to hallucinate a chase that happened to lead him right into a conveniently sharpened branch? And that of all the gin joints in all the cities in all the world, he just had to walk into mine the bad luck of encountering the one branch that was at the perfect height to impale him?

Which is, coincidentally enough, the exact death scenario that Non wrote in his script?

BE SERIOUS.

The only way Por meets this exact death is if Non was the one to kill him, and that leads me to the wire that ended up decapitating poor dead Uncle Dang. A wire which I truly don't think that was meant for him.

Let's follow this line of reasoning. We know that Top and Tee took the road when they went to get help for Por on the bike. This would ultimately fail as they got a flat tire and had to go back, having themselves a hallucination a piece along the way.

At that point, there was no wire stretched across the road. Once they got back to the house, no one would come outside again until morning when they heard Uncle Dang approach on his bike. The wire could've been strung up at any point after the boys got back.

Let's say that after ensuring Por got impaled, Non stuck around to see the aftermath and saw Tee and Top on the bike. Wouldn't it make more sense then for him to have strung up the wire to prevent anyone from leaving as opposed to stopping anyone from coming in?

Because if he is following his script then...

"But Leah," I hear you ask after having humored me thus far, "How would Non even know that the boys would be at the vacation house?"

This is where I sit back down at my vanity mirror in the dressing room at the circus and start taking some liberties.

For Non to have lived, someone had to help him. I mentioned yesterday that I was hopping on the Perth helped Non train and after giving it more thought, I'm doubling down. It's not only possible that Perth helped Non, he had to have done it, and not only because I want Non to be alive so very badly.

Why would Perth and his cheekbones be on the promotional poster for the finale (BESIDE NON I MIGHT ADD) if his character weren't important to the plot? Why would he be there if his only role was to massage Uncle Joe's shoulders?

Allow me to posit a Wild Ass Theory a la @respectthepetty :

If Perth's character helped Non and Known Criminal Keng escape Uncle Joe, that means the video where they were captured getting on a bus was authentic.

But because Uncle Joe and the mafia are still a threat, they can't just go chill somewhere. They have to go on the run and into hiding somewhere they won't be found.

Somewhere like a rarely visited vacation house in the middle of the forest with no contact with the outside world.

Or, alternatively, a creepy temple near that rarely visited vacation house.

Think about it. Non had already been to that house, he's familiar with it, he knows it's empty for long stretches of time and exactly how isolated it is. A terrified teenager fearing for his life is going to want to go somewhere familiar and that house (or the temple) is the perfect place to hide.

I don't think Non went to hide there with the intention, or the hope rather, that he'd get an opportunity for revenge one day. I think he just took advantage of a situation that fell into his lap.

The boys arrived in the afternoon and shit didn't start going down until later that night. That's plenty of time to sharpen a branch, lay down a blood trail, and put on his mask and cloak.

We know all the movie props and the camera and everything were still at the house so it stands to reason that Non had access to them. And we know he had access to the house because White found the knife that was used to cut Por's arms in the closet in the kitchen. The only way that knife could've gotten there is if Non put it there.

Not just any knife, by the way. It was Non's knife, the one that he brought to the house when they came to film and then used to cut Top.

I can't say with any certainty whether Non is acting on his own or with help, but I lean more toward him acting alone. Even if he escaped with Keng, it doesn't mean Keng is still with him all this time later and besides, I much prefer to imagine that ol' boy got eaten by a tiger.

One last thing. This isn't really part of my theory, more like support for it, but when Por is agonizing on the couch, he keeps saying sorry and trying to talk about what he and the boys did three years ago. It could just be a coincidence or deathbed guilt, but I don't think it is. I think Por knows exactly who killed him and that's why he kept apologizing and trying to confess.

In conclusion:

Hope you don't mind being tagged for the DFF round up @slayerkitty ! 🙏🏼

[new-tella-us]

For the seduce me situations, how do you think each boy would act when feeling jealous of their S/O spending time with someone a lot, or someone flirting with their S/O

Ooooh jealousy~ I like it.

Well James would try to ignore the person at first. If they aren’t being aggressive and the S/O doesn’t seem to care or is happy around the person it’s none of his business. Rest assured though, he is pissed on the inside. He does not like the idea of someone chatting up his S/O. Now if the comments do make the S/O uncomfortable, James will professionally but firmly tell the person to fuck right off.

Erik, being the least jealous of the brothers, is very secure in his relationship with the S/O so he’d be mostly chill. His S/O is the hottest person in his eyes so of course others want a piece. Again if they aren’t bothering the S/O he doesn’t care too much. However, he’ll be the first person to bail the S/O out if it gets dicey and he might even sprinkle a classic “Oh I’m so glad you seem be having fun with my wife/husband/spouse”. Are they married? No. 

Sam would have little patience with such behavior. Maybe just maaaaaaybe if you catch him on a good day, he won’t care too much for your average clownery but any other day and they’re getting glared at, at best. Now if the S/O is uncomfortable, at best the flirt is getting a hearty “Fuck OFF!” And at worst, bar fight. Sam is not one to be tested.

Matthew is where we start getting into all around negative reactions. As the second most jealous of the incubi, he is not okay with the average clownery and will make a point to insert himself into every conversation. And that’s if the S/O doesn’t seem to care. If they’re uncomfortable, the flirt’s car is being pelted with rocks. Matthew knows his scrawny 5’6 ass can’t fight without his magic or his knives but he can key a car. Malice comes in many, expensive forms.

And Damien. Oh DAMIEN! He is, by far, the most jealous of the incubi. Which means that as soon as the S/O turns their back, motherfucker is glaring daggers at the flirt. He’ll be sneaky malicious. Bumping into them to spill their drink, asking questions to make them feel stupid, and all around mess with them. And if the S/O is uncomfortable…. Well…. let’s just say that’s happened before and it ended with the drunk dude being sent to a psychiatrist after claiming that some random orange haired boy was a “demon”. Wonder what he saw?

Also may god rest the poor unfortunate soul that decided to get handsy with the S/O. All five boys would choose violence at that point.

[mrhowells]

Smallville 5x06

"How you ever had a crush on Richie Cunningham, I will never understand."

I'm actually so easy to please

"And Lois... *laughs* I'd do anything to get rid of Lois."

but thinking about how annoying she is makes him laugh, soooooo... she's a good influence, I rest my case😌😌

Jonathan knows too, like-

Chloe & Lois as an investigative duo are actually really fun

Lex really lives in Jonathan's head rent free💀💀

ohmygoooooddd

MOTHER.

"She's here to dance."

Chloe really threw Lois under the bus like that I'm cryingsjakjsha

the struggle is real💀

SOOOOO let's see if Jonathan actually apologizes when it turns out Lex didn't do anything

CLARKFNKLJFDISLYS

COVER YOUR EYES SWEET SUMMER CHILD

Lois x bisexual lighting I LIVEEEE

they did that for me😭😌

"I'll have a coke😇" ... "S- straight up, on the rocks.😤"

JAkhsshfdlskaBOOBOO WHAT ARE YOU-

I just choked on my ice cream

LMAOOOOOO bless his heart

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL PART 2 I'M CRYINDHSGFJFKD

I'm really not ready for what's about to go down here😭😭

🎶DON'T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKEEE MEEEEEEE🎶

Someone needs to go to jail for that music choice💀💀

TOM WELLING YOUR FACE JOURNEYS. LET ME SAY THANK YOU KING🙇‍♀️

this is history in the making. absolutely iconic.

🎶DON'T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS WRONG LIKE MEEEEEE🎶🎶

i do wish she was my girlfriend actually they're so right

aaand she's getting into it

ON MY FUCKING KNEES FOR HER MA'AM YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE PLEASEEEE

he's kind of giving me:

PLEASEWSWKRJWOPQP

EVERY SINGLE FRAME OF THIS IS SO FUCKING ICONIC LIKE WHAT DO I EVEN SAY??

it's okay bb, we're all looking respectfully right now

💀💀💀THE STRUGGLE IS REAL PT.3

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP THIS BEAN

kshadjwka his fight or flight is kicking in😭😭

"What are you doing here?" "What are YOU doing here?"

story of their life fr

the struggle has never been more real, pray for Clark💀

.

they did that.

smallville writers really did that.

legend behaviour if you ask me

i would like to take this moment and say thank you.

"I've never been in a position where people look up to me."

This is such a silly statement, Jonathan is literally the person Clark looks up to the most. His bigger personality flaws clearly come from Jonathan's influence💀 (not to say he didn't also learn a lot of good traits from him -he absolutely did- but you know)

I'm really curious what Lex's (and Jonathan's) politics are actually, don't be shy writers tell me👀

SIR I NEED YOU TO STEP AWAY FROM MY WIFE IMMEDIATELY

creepy mf

"Hey 007. Nice of you to show up." "I'll start assuming that means thank you?"

giggling kicking my feet

"I can't touch him." "Well, I can."

I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, MOTHERRRR

pls his face😭

he knows he could never be as cool as her

THIS SHOT MAKES ME FERAL

my parents🥹

(listen the shit i went through to upload this last picture tho, i hit the upload limit and had to delete stuff, then i accidentally deleted the whole post for a second🤡 my whole life flashed before my eyes💀💀)

Lex talking about a guy falling in love with his best friend's wife uh oh, no thank youuuuu😬😬

He was making a good point though.

"The thing I always try to remember is, no matter how much le lays on, he never expects more than he expects from himself."

Clark really grew up didn't he😭😭

"What are you doing, you just moved back in."

from the guy who said "I'd do anything to get of Lois." at the beginning of the episode, what in the clownery🤡🤡

All men do is lie.

she's such a menace, I LOVE HER😭😭

AND HE CAN'T STAY MAD AT HER LOOK AT HIS FACEEEEE

they're secret bffs your honor😭

I LOVE THEMMM IT'S ACTUALLY SO SERIOUS

"And you didn't have to come after me but you always do. So I wanted to say thank you. You're a really good friend."

GOING INSANE ON THIS SATURDAY NIGHT

CUT IT OUT YOU ASSHOLES I'M TRYING TO STAY NORMAL UNTIL SEASON 8 QUIT EYE FUCKINGZFGDUWEOAK

well. stay normal challenge failed again but that's exactly how i thought this would go, sooo

Question for the people: should i even tag Lex in posts like this? I don't think twice about tagging characters like Jonathan because I don't expect fans to look through his tag for him specifically, but i know people do it with Lex and I feel bad at the thought of them having to scroll through me losing my mind over Clois with a few Lex mentions in between. Lex fans lemme know

[pharawee]

https://x.com/BLUPDATE2022/status/1759488958923518217?s=20

This is not looking good for their other shows now

Tumblr isn't displaying your link correctly so let me try again:

But yeah, at this point this isn't even shocking anymore. And apparently the dispute is bad enough that they're willing to mess up OneD's broadcasting schedule over it. 🤡

I hope they can resolve this quickly - mostly for the sake of the cast and crew involved in the making of this. This reads like a payment or copyright issue though. If all future projects have already been taken over by the new company then theoretically they should be safe (as safe as any Thai BL without a pilot trailer).

What's more puzzling to me is that this is the fourth BL within the past year that's completed filming and is now MIA.

We have this, then there's the last episode of The Whisperer (and that's just full-on clownery at this point), Mystique in the Mirror and presumably Boy Never Smiles.

I know, it's generally not unheard of that finished projects remain unreleased until they find a distributor but until now if a Thai BL managed to secure funds to start filming (and I don't mean the pilot but the proper series) that pretty reliably meant we'd get to watch it within like, half a year.

[lifblogs]

Writing Share

Tagged by: @evilwriter37

This is NSFW TechPhee I'm writing for the After Dark portion of Neurodivergent Tech Week, so I'll put it under a cut.

Tagging: @clownery-and-fuckery

“I broke my leg a few months ago,” he explained, taking her hand, and placing it where his femur had been crushed, and broken clean through. “I suppose it was close enough to my pelvic floor muscles, to ah, cause some issues.”

Then he realized what he had done, that he had had Phee touch him in such a sensitive place, and oh, it was sensitive. He swallowed roughly as she ran her hand over his leg.

He finally lifted up his head to try and meet her gaze.

“You think I care?” she asked. “If you can’t get it up that’s fine. I like you for you, not because of the amazing cock I’m sure you have.” He gave a nervous laugh, and she bit her bottom lip. “Though, I wouldn’t mind your cock right about now.”

“And if I can’t get it up?”

She shrugged. “We can do whatever you want to do. You have a mouth, don’t you?”

He frowned, confused. Until Phee kissed him.

Ah, that’s what she meant.

And then Tech belatedly realized he was having his first kiss.

By the time he tried to focus on it it was too late, and Phee was pulling away. He sat there with wide eyes.

“Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have done that.”

She removed her hands from him, and started shifting away, and he took her hands in his.

“No, it’s not that. I…” Wow, could he stop blushing? “That was my first kiss.”

“How was it?”

“I was distracted.”

Phee laughed, a warm sound that filled Tech’s chest.

She came closer again, their thighs touching, and her warmth seemed to go right through him, right to his cock.

“Want to try again?”

“Yes, please.”

Tech fell into the kiss, holding Phee’s face in his hands. Her lips were soft and warm and tasted of fruit and wine, but also her, a taste he couldn’t quantify.

Tech couldn’t help the small groan he let out as he moved his lips against hers, tasting, learning the feel of them.

Phee opened her mouth, surprising Tech somewhat, but he went with it, with what his body was telling him it wanted, and he opened his own mouth, trying to drink her up.

She moaned, a sound that seemed to shoot into Tech’s mouth, down his throat, and all the way through his torso to his cock.

He jumped when he felt her tongue in his mouth, and she pulled away to laugh. Tech found himself laughing too.

“Sorry.”

“I guess you wouldn’t know the finer details of making out, would you, Brown Eyes?”

“I’ve read about it, and thought about it, but never had a practical application for it.”

“Now you’re making it all technical.”

“Isn’t it?”

Phee’s hand caressed where he had broken his leg, body leaning into him to reach, and he breathed her in, wanted to pull her closer. Her hand ghosted across his groin, Tech’s hips involuntarily pushing up into her hand.

“Does that feel technical to you?”

“Well, actually—”

She grabbed him, feeling him through his pants, and her other hand grabbed his chin. She kissed him as he groaned.

[joltai-showa]

naruto reread third edition chapter three woohoo

welp, it was a good run, manga sucks now lmao

just kidding, of course, but Sasuke is by far my least favorite character in the entire series. He's okay in OG Naruto, but literally every arc with him in Shippuden makes me want to bash my head against the nearest wall. And no, the fight with Deidara isn't the main reason for my passionate hatred of this prick. I've never agreed with a Sasuke fan once in those almost 10 years since I read the manga for the first time, but I do agree that Sasuke's fate is justifiedly dramatic and it's not surprising that he lashes out against those near him, but acting like he's some paragon of virtue and was right in all of his unhindged endeavors, particularly after the Itachi reveal, is first degree clownery at its finest lmao

(also the Uchiha clan sucks too. Not necessary from in-world perspective, but from writing perspective, mid-Shippuden Kishimoto really lost the sauce with those assholes and starting giving them any possible powers that he could think of)

another fun fact but I never found any of the Uchiha members attractive lmao. if you're wondering how the hell did I manage to write 35k from Deidara's pov having hots for Obito, listen, it's her pov, not mine, I just locked the fuck in and did it lmao

last thing before continuing with the chapter, main Uchiha guys from least annoying to most annoying accodring to me: Itachi > Madara >>>>>> Obito >>> Sasuke. Itachi mostly never gets on my nerves, so gotta love him for that, Madara sucks at times because he happens to appear on the stretches of manga when Kishi stopped caring about the plot and started the Uchiha bootlicking 24/7, but at least he didn't get a shitty "rEdEmPTioN ArC" (i guess i should be thanking Kaguya for that, bleh), with Obito I am stuck in a perpetual cycle of "there is no way he is that bad in canon, I must have been overdramatic when reading" -> *rereads the manga* -> "oh my fucking god he is not just bad, he is simply awful", he is just the ultimate victim of Naruto being written backwards and Kishi making a cool twist but never actually properly working on his motivations, a real shame, he's got a lot of potential, but canon Obito has one of the worst character arcs in the entire series, so I can only enjoy fanon Obito and fans' work that actually utilizes many many things this character has to offer. I already said a lot about Sasuke, but at times his writing is much better than Obito's, so he's a little less annoying to me (that's generally not an achievement on his part, it's Kishi writing Obito so badly LMAO)

bish you live like this?

but also again WHY THE FUCK NARUTO LIVED HIS ENTIRE GODDAMN LIFE ALONE??? HIRUZEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? IT'S A FUCKING CHILD, WHY IS HE UNSUPERVISED? DO YOU REALLY EXPECT HIM TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MANAGE THE MONEY, COOK AND CLEAN AFTER HIMSELF? YOU SORRY PIECE OF SHIT, YOUR GRANDSON HAS A PRIVATE TUTOR, BUT THE CHILD OF KONOHA'S HEROES WHO PRETTY MUCH ENTRUSTED HIM INTO THE VILLAGE'S CARE LIVES LIKE THIS?

Kushina has a full time job of wooping Hiruzen's ass in the afterlife, I swear to god

also let's talk about the absolutely horrendous conditions orphans in Konoha live in? There are more obvious cases like the kids that Root takes in, they are raised into emotionless killing machines since the first moment they become their training (child abuse🥰), but even kids who didn't catch ANBU's eye are just... Obviously, we've got Naruto and he's a case of straight up neglect from both his supposed caretakers (literally any of his future teachers, but particularly Jiraya who is supposed to be his goddamn godfather) and Hiruzen, but this is Kishi rewriting everything there ever was and by Mid-Shippuden Naruto is suddenly a literal prophesied hero, a messiah and loved by everyone and everything and those who hate him are either irredeemibly evil or poor little babies who are waiting for a pep talk by Naruto to turn good again (c) Anyway, we've got some bigger fish to fry and it's cases of Kakashi and Sasuke in particular. I am not really worried in cases of Obito and Neji, because both of them lived somewhere near their clans (even if their clan sucked absolute ass, sorry for your loss, Neji), so we can at least assume that some of the older members of their clans could keep an eye on them and, y'know, fucking FEED them, but Sasuke's and Kakashi's living situations are... oooof. I might be misremembering stuff, but in the manga Sasuke is never shown to move from his house, he in fact is shown to return home and cry over the bloodied floor of the room where Fugaku and Mikoto were killied (Hiruzen is a cleaning service really this fucking expensive jesus christ), so what we have is an orphaned kid who lives in the same house his parents were murdered, in the same house his big brother tortured him psychologically, in the same district where piles of his relatives' corpses were lying. Also completely alone.

Do I need to say anything, Hiruzen?

Kakashi is even worse, because not only he lived alone in the same house his only other living family member aka his dad ended his life, I believe that the blade he carried later also happened to be the family relic that his dad used in his final moments. On top of all that, he continued to live alone in that house even after his teammate sacrificed his life for his sake, gave him his eye and this eye happens to be the only thing that remained of said teammate because he was crushed alive. He continued to live alone in that house even after he accidentaly killed the girl he promised to protect with his life, but ended up using the jutsu he managed to develop after aquiring a Sharingan to end her life. He continued to live alone in that house even after his only remaining team member aka his teacher died in a freak accident when half of the village got destroyed.

God damn. Like, Obito's fate is absolutely horrendous, sure, but you gotta admit at least he had a reason to continue living. The only thing I can say about Kakashi is how the fuck did you live to 27 years.

tl; dr Kakuzu should've opened a therapy service for shinobi and Akatsuki could have simply bought off all of the Beasts simply with that money LMAO

Kishi could not draw girls for the life of him at the beginning of the manga and it shows lol, she's so scrunky

honestly relatable Naruto

also Sasuke's haircut looks like a duck's ass and the resemblances only grows stronger in Shippuden

fucking hell I really am just Naruto, aren't I...

oh look it's the canon event kid :D

the following 697 chapters will be spent attempting to explain to the readers that this scene does not in fact allude to the endgame ship. unsuccessfully, of course lmao.

seriously Kishi is so terrible at writing romance, the only believable and toleralable ship he had managed to produce through the entire 700 chapter run of the manga is MinaKushi and they're fucking dead

i think I'll be mentioning extensively later what I think about Kishimoto writing women in general (spoiler: I really don't think that most of Naruto female cast is even good, most of the time they are decent at best, even if my heart is filled to the brim with love to some of the girls, they simply can not compete with women written by other mangakas), but after 10 years since my first read of Naruto I still stand by the observation that my 13 year old self made at the time: sometimes it feels like Kishimoto not only never talked with a woman, but never even seen them in the first place

"why are you so homophobic Sakura-chan😱"

I swear I'm gonna have an aneurism if these 13 year old numbsticks are called "full-fledged shinobi", BRO THEY'RE GONNA DIE AFTER 5 MINUTES ON A SERIOUS MISSION

Okay, so another weird thing that I'm really not sure if is a rewrite/plothole/whatever, BUT

jonins aka the highest ranking you can be given unless your Kage happens to have a tragic untimely accident and you are chosen as the replacement are supposed to be really rare, like "you can count the number of them on your fingers" rare. Of course, Naruto's plot is constantly revolving around at least one jonin-level character, so we as readers see them in overabundance compared to what realistically should be taking place within the universe

here's a terrible illustration by yours and only on how the shinobi rankings should be spread out in general lmao.

Coming back to what Iruka says: why is it that jonins are supposed to be teaching the three-man teams of full-fledged shinobi children? Jonins are cream de la cream of the hierarchy, they are pretty much the highest ranking officers in the villages, save for the Kage, of course, I'm pretty sure they should be busy with something more important, like leading their own fully trained squads/divisions, not looking after little Timmiemaru and making sure that he doesn't accidentaly stab himself with a kunai. And come to think of it, the entire system is weirdly skewed, because Iruka is a chunin who teaches Academy kids who are below genins in the hierarchy, so at the end of the day we have Kages who (supposedly) work 24/7 on the external and interal affairs of the village and probably the country, jonins who do the missions and train genins, chunins who do the missions and train Academy kids and genins being genins. Now I am not advocating for 13 year olds to be teaching 7 year olds, but considering the fact that you need to pass a murder exam the chunin exam to get the rank, I think there should be quite the number of people who never pass/don't want to pass in the first place, so genins can be quite old and experienced enough to teach (hi Maito Dai).

Anyway, there's certainly more than 9 students in that room when Iruka announces that they are getting divided into teams. Did the remaining 18 guys got shafted? "We've only got three available jonins, so only the most talented kids/kids from important clans will be trained"? Or did the 18 guys got some sane teachers that didn't decide to send them to the murder exam after 6 months of missions? Wait, the kids are getting paid for the missions, right? I am not sure whether I should be worried about the unpaid child labor or the fact that 13 year olds (who should really be like 10 year olds judging by the amount of times Naruto flunked the Academy exam) have to enter the workforce at such an age.

(now these are the questions that should be raised by people hating on the shinobi system, Kishi, and not twenty flashbacks in a row to the girl they liked 17 years ago)

that's really awfully convinient that the new generation of InoShikaCho happened to have abilities approximately equal to the ones of other teams, huh, Iruka

(Konoha is built on Hashirama's wood and pure fucking nepotism lmaoooo)

jesus fucking chirst that's some choice of words from the translator

was the translator aware at the time that this is a 13 year old girl's monologue they are translating? i know teenagers are freaky, but this is supposed to be the official translation, why are we getting to the upper bound of PG rating

what even in the world is this dialogue

bro really be laser focused on Naruto since his first appearance huh

nevermind Sakura's bashing on Naruto's status as an orphan (which is really weird to me, because not only that 5 years before she and others in Kakashi's, Kurenai's and Asuma's teams were born there was a giant World War and realistically quite of few kids their age should've lost their parents there, but there also was this little incident with Nine-Tails running over everyone in the village the year they were born, so there should be A LOT of orphans of Sakura's age, yet she's being this... mean? I guess, I wouldn't call her cruel, to Naruto), I've got a bigger question: how the hell did you miss the news of Uchiha massacre and Sasuke's living situation? The kids were like 8 at the time, they should have heard of it, I mean, ONE OF THE FOUNDING CLANS AND A LARGE ONE AT THAT got murked in a single night, yet in the 5 following years Sakura never learned about it, being Sasuke's #1 fan? Maybe it's me misremembering stuff, buuuuut...

(anyway Kishi I've got a bigger question but where the fuck is the Senju clan? The poor repressed Uchiha clan by the time of the massacre stiil had dozens of members if not hundreds, but Senju clan, the other founding clan of similar size, just went poof?)

(my personal headcanon regarding this is that Tsunade during her 20 year long depressive episode took all of clans money and gambled it away :D so the remaining members of the Senju clan just kinda scattered through the countries trying to find the money for themselves and just distanced from the whole shinobi business)

THE MYTH THE MAN THE LEGEND!

Holy fuck I almost died laughing at his first interaction ever, like what the fuck is this.

Kakashi: his milk's expired. Hiruzen, nervously wiping away sweat: he's just clumsy! Kakashi: he's 13 and grew up without adult supervision, I'm not even sure if he can read the dates on the milk. Hiruzen: why are you being such a hater, Kakashi?🥺 Kakashi: not as much of a hater as my sensei and his wife are going to be to you in the afterlife, I guess.

also, Hiruzen, you know what is Kakashi even better choice for? VISITING FUCKING THERAPY

"You have a talent for sniffing things out", sniffing out what, the expired milk on mini-Minato? Gods Hiruzen you suckkkkk

that is a fucking threat and you know this, Hiruzen

LMAAAAAAAAAOOOOOO

you've got no idea, Kakashi

raising these dinguses is already an A rank mission bordering S, but how about accidentaly stumbling upon the guy who you assumed died over 15 years ago after being crushed into meat paste? :D

[leonsliga]

I’m kind of a hippy my friend, even though I don’t do drugs. I have foresee dreams, no matter u believe or not.

Let’s say, the Frankfurt game, I dreamed about Jo, and an OG. I immediately know first of all, it’s not gonna be good. Second, I KNEW Jo was gonna goal. It came out exactly what I thought in the end. It’s just like when I moved to another city on the day against Leverkusen and I saw a truck has a bright sign of “Leon” on it and rushed by and I knew it’s a sign.

When I’m too confident, usually it’s not gonna be good (Like Saarbrücken and Frankfurt I’m sorry, I even told you I can’t wait to see them kill before Frankfurt game, my fault, and that’s the only time I ever said something before a game.) . When I’m not confident, it may came out well.

And there’s something I just KNOW, like I know BVB gonna help us again Leverkusen. Like I know Bochum gonna help us on BVB (And Ruhr Derby will always give them a hard time). I even knew Gladbach will not always have that luck to win us. Like I know BVB it’s just not good at dealing with Bayern. Some of them are just common sense to me.

The only thing I’m not sure about is just ref and the weather, they are unpredictable to me. When I saw the game with Stuttgart without Leon and Jo, I immediately took out my wine and start drinking lol. It’s a technique called ‘prepare to celebrate like you will do at the end’. It’s very MAD to drink at 1:30 pm, but I know I have to do it. (btw I did the same thing on Bayern ManU 4-3 game. Cuz I knew it was close.)

And I can’t say anything before the game end too. That’s why this will be send at the end of this game lol. Don’t have to believe my methods at all but…I have my way.

I still remembered I said it b4 the game 💀

I’m a big believer in that you regardless of whether or not you can do drugs, you still can be a hippie at heart :) that’s honestly cool as hell that your dreams can foreshadow real events.

Any time Jo, our beloved agent of chaos, and an own goal appear together in a dream, it’s never a good sign 😵 that’s wild that the real game unfolded exactly the way it did in your dream too, omg!! And I still remember your ask about seeing “Leon” on the truck before the Leverkusen game; we couldn’t have asked for a better sign than that!

It’s interesting that even when it comes to dreams and predictions, overconfidence is to be avoided. You don’t have to apologize for the Frankfurt game though; at the end of the day, that was pure Bayern clownery, and I don’t think even you could’ve saved them 😭 the whole thing seems like a delicate balance in a way; if you’re overconfident, reality sends you crashing back to earth, but if you’re not confident enough, the future will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I trust you. Any help we can get in catching up to Leverkusen could be enough to turn the tables. And I have faith that Leon’s two ex-clubs can help us out against BVB. When it comes to Der Klassikers, I almost feel like we have a psychological advantage; I have the utmost respect for BVB as a competitor, but sometimes I think they get in their own way when they face us. They don’t give themselves enough credit.

I feel like the ref and the weather are always unpredictable, no matter how good your foresight. And let’s face it, a game without Leon and Jo is as good an excuse to start drinking as any! And I love that technique 😂 besides, when it comes to drinking, my family and I take a page out of Jimmy Buffett’s book: it’s five o’clock somewhere lmao. Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures!

I love that you’ve learned from your experiences with the Frankfurt result and now send everything after the game hahaha. And for what it’s worth, I trust you! We need all the prior knowledge we can get honestly 💜

[kalhspera1]

“What did you do, angel?”

“Didn’t think I’d find you here”. 

The demon stopped in his tracks the minute he spotted the familiar light blonde curls standing out on the crowded plaza. His whispered words could only be heard by the angel standing 5 metres away from him, because his presence was immediately recognised, even with his back turned away from the approaching demon. With each step he took, people around him were disappearing in large numbers, until all that remained was Crowley staring at Aziraphale in a standstill.

Time seemed to have come to a stop. Crowley would have felt this change even with the world around him continuing its ceaseless movement.

“Have you come to heal me? Elevate me to a higher form of existence?”

Ηe couldn’t hide the spite in his voice. He felt furious with himself for impulsively using that rude tone with his friend, but he still wouldn’t admit to himself how much he’d missed his angel’s presence. The seconds were passing, and there didn’t seem to come any motion on this particular angel’s part.

He scoffed and looked around. “Does it tire you to talk to me now? Are you here to gloat, Archangel?” he scoffed as a form of defence, as the way Aziraphale was ignoring him was starting to piss him off. “I haven’t changed my mind, you know. I will not be anything other than what I already am”, he paused, trying to see his friend’s face, which was hard from this distance and with his back turned on him. He noticed Aziraphale’s lack of interest to communicate properly as a civilised adult-angel and he continued, feigning disinterest in his questions. “How were things up there anyway…did you find what you were looking for, as a leader?”

He sensed a slight movement in his angel’s head, but couldn’t distinguish if it was a nod or a shake.

The silence began to threaten his sanity and he resisted walking up straight to him, grabbing him by the collar to turn him around and make him answer all his questions he had so discourteously avoided.

Trying to suppress his worry, he asked once again, nonchalantly: “Oh, come on, angel, there must be some reason why you stopped time while I’m standing behind you, and it certainly isn’t to give me the silent treatment”. Aziraphale at this point started to stir and appear slightly agitated. “Or is it?”, Crowley couldn’t help adding. However, he wasn’t famous for his patience and this clownery had dragged on for long enough. 

With a few long strides, he reached for Aziraphale’s shoulder and turned him around.

“Just look at me, for Heaven’s-”

What he saw shook him to his core. His one and only cheerful angel was reduced to bloodshot eyes, his black pupils dilated and his once luminous face now stained by an unforeseen darkness. In this single second that passed, Crowley observed what he had missed the previous less shocking minutes: Aziraphale’s clothes did not have the light colour palette they used to have, but a darker tone, as if he was in mourning; his smell didn’t have that familiar blonde wood and ethereal musk tint– instead he smelled coppery and sweaty; and at last his eyes. His eyes seemed like they had witnessed the destruction of the world and its rebirth from point zero. They were unfocused and not paying attention to Crowley’s presence, until the demon gave him a hard shake from the collar, while shouting his full name to his face.

After a couple of frantic eye movements, Aziraphale focused his gaze at his own reflection on his demon’s shades and his eyes widened. He immediately stepped back, trying to escape this heinous image of himself and simultaneously, Crowley’s grasp.

But Crowley was not letting him go.

“Angel, talk to me”

Aziraphale managed to steady himself and to temporarily adapt to this new depiction of himself, until he decided he couldn’t. He removed Crowley’s glasses.

“Crowley”, he breathed exhausted, but grateful to stare at these comforting yellow eyes. “You’ve found me”, he says, and an old tired smile warms his face, lending him back every angelic characteristic he had lost in an instant.

“I did not find you, I was just walking down the street”, he said, astonished and perplexed. His heart started to feel at ease for how lovingly the angel had offered him his smile, but then his stress elevated again from the multitude of unanswered questions. “What are you doing here, angel, what has happened to you?”, he let him go to gesture at his changed appearance, concern written on his face.

Aziraphale regretted having removed his shades. Now this beautiful and observant pair of eyes could scrutinise and judge him and the angel could see every reaction. He put the glasses back on Crowley. He was physically trembling as he did so. And then he whispered in a sombre tune the lyrics of a familiar song.

“You were right, you were right” he let two tears fall, “I was…wrong” he breathed out. And after gulping down a sob, he admitted it again, more quietly this time. “You were right.”

After some seconds, when silence spoke itself of the shared gratitude for their reunion, Crowley removed his glasses on his own this time, storing them in his pocket and then, inquired him gently: 

“What did they do to you, Aziraphale?”

Aziraphale was seemingly searching for words to use. “It’s– it’s not what they did to me.” he stuttered. “It’s what I did. To them.”

Crowley noticed another tear that was making its way down the angel’s throat and moved his hand to wipe it, before he stopped himself. 

“What did you do, angel?”

His dark pupils peered deep within his soul. This ordeal was so dissimilar to what Crowley was used to. The angel didn’t feel like an angel anymore, even though it was still his angel. His change was not only in appearance, but in aura as well. His trembling voice and weary eyes hid an ancient anger behind them.

Aziraphale took a step back, in an effort to distance himself from feelings. He wore an expressionless face, tears contrastingly streaming down his face, and he proceeded to speak in all honesty:

“I took the life of someone…important”, he dragged out the last word unwillingly.

Crowley stood wide-eyed and completely dumbfounded. “You wha-?”

Aziraphale remained unblinking. “It was…something that had to be done” he looked down. “It was the only way to stop the Second Coming”.

Crowley was starting to connect the puzzle pieces. “Jesus descent on earth? The final judgement, total and absolute win of Heaven over Hell, that kind of Second Coming?” 

“Yes, Crowley.”

“So…that means you killed Jesus?”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Jesus can’t be killed. I only managed to render their corporeal form dysfunctional in order to buy us some time. I think it will hardly be enough, but we’ll have to try”

Crowley gave Aziraphale an incredulous look. “Try to do what?”

“Recruit Hell to help us, of course”

Crowley pinched himself to check if he was dreaming. Then he lifted his hand to look at the time and he realised he wasn’t wearing a watch. Then he looked around to read any sign of a shop he could find. He realised he could distinguish the letters and their meaning quite clearly.

____________________________________________

[Author’s note: I'm using English words (metres instead of meters, colour instead of color ect)

So the context is that Aziraphale killed the corporeal form of Jesus to stop the Second coming, in which all demons and “evil humans” would cease to exist from the book of life and every good person who had ever lived would come back to life to walk on the Earth. However, people who have died cannot be restored to life as they were, so they have to come back in the form of zombies (like in s02). Heaven, having no idea how Earth works, thinks that “good humans” will accept this change happily, having their long ago dead benevolent predecessors walking on their Earth, while parting with their loved ones, the ones who might have committed a crime. 

For no mother would let her child go, even if it would grow to be a murderer.

Aziraphale will use Hell to cause turbulence in Heaven, so that he can infiltrate Heaven’s leadership again, and bring the balance between the three nations of Hell, Heaven and Earth (my epic fantasy fixation is showing, lol. It did remind me, however, of Shu, Wu and Wei).

Well, at least that’s Azi’s plan. In the end some changes of plans will occur and without any more deaths (???) everything will be solved with good conversation, as it usually happens in most comedy series. The end.

P.S.: Also the angel and the demon give a smooch of genuine and double-sided love this time.

Now, the end.]

yayy I wrote my first fic!

[lightstar789]

Rules for Rule Breaking ARC Review!

Once again, huge shout-out to Netgalley and Penguin Random House for giving me access to this ARC!

Hello dear followers, it is I, lightstar789, back again with another book review! Obvious spoilers ahead, so let’s jump into it!

Rating: 4/5

I’ve gotta say, after reading so many mediocre romances in the past few months, it’s refreshing that this one was good. Like, really good. It’s true enemies-to-lovers goodness, filled with witty banter that made me cackle.

Both Winter and Bobby were such compelling characters, and as a fellow honors student in their same position, I heavily related to it all. While there were some things that could’ve been improved, such as pacing, I don’t think it affected the overall experience. This novel is definitely on the campier and humorous side though, so if you’re expecting a shit ton of character depth, there isn’t much of that. Now, let’s move onto…

THE GOOD:

THE HUMOR: God, where do I begin? One of the best parts of this novel comes from the fact that Winter and Bobby stay enemies for so long, so there’s ample opportunity for clownery between the two. From daring each other to break mediocre laws, to their commitment to making each other’s lives hell, we get plenty of humor throughout the book, which makes the enemies to lovers dynamic all the more appealing!

THE ROMANCE: Well, this is to be expected, given that this is a romance book, but it was incredibly fun to watch Winter and Bobby slowly warm up to each other, and eventually fall in love. I especially adored Winter teaching Bobby how to relax and to be himself and change for the better, while Bobby convinced Winter to finally start "meeting her friend halfway" and put more effort into her friendship with Emmy.

THE CHARACTERS: The main characters were very fleshed out, but the side characters weren't. However, I cut this book some slack in that department, because the book is mainly focused around the 2 main leads.

Winter Park: Ah yes, a Winter that finally doesn't have a boat load of trauma! I'm kidding, obviously. Spunky, petty, and witty, she's confident and dead-set on going to MIT to be able to work for NASA. The only thing really stopping her is her rivalry with Bobby, and some issues with her best friend Emmy. I honestly find her struggles with trying to keep her friends in her life relatable, especially as they move away. I’ve had a fair share of my childhood friends move away when I was a kid, often leaving me lonely and upset, as Winter feels she will be when Emmy pulls away, and how her grandmother felt after Emmy’s grandmother Nai Nai passed away, creating a compelling generational parallel. I also loved how, despite the rivalry and the moratoriums, Winter still tried to help Bobby get closer to his roots and loosen up, which probably were the first signs she was falling for him.

Bobby Bae: He’s absolutely pathetic (affectionate) and he’s literally just like me. Prone to tears, yet highly strung and dedicated, he's already decided his college and stubborn to go on the trip with Winter, until his girlfriend breaks up with him and everything comes crashing down. One thing that I found interesting is Bobby's home life, and how his parents are kinda...neglectful, to say the least?? They feel very distant from him (he doesn't even know what their jobs are!), so for Bobby to be longing for connection to everything makes sense. From his culture, to Winter, to the rest of his family, I found that this was the common theme tying all of his subplots together, which I appreciate as a key theme of this novel.

Now, here are the things that made me want to deduct a star from the rating:

THE BAD:

PACING: I’ll be honest—I could barely get through the first 25% of the book. There was so much set up required for this plot and I kept turning the page, wondering whether they will finally get on the road or not. While this set up was needed in order to establish the characters and their respective conflicts, it felt like a slog to get through. This happened again towards the end when they finally end the trip and GO BACK TO SCHOOL 😭 before talking normally to each other again like that’s crazy to me. I honestly feel like the ending was an unsatisfying way to wrap up the book, and it would’ve single handedly deduced a star from this rating had the rest of the book not been THAT good.

The romance also falls victim to annoying miscommunication tropes that could’ve been resolved within a page but I’m not even going to touch that right now other wise this would turn into a full blown rant.

Overall, while having subpar pacing, the rest of this book is able to make up for it with its stellar characterization and hilarious wit. Let me know what you guys thought about this book in the comments, and have a great day. Happy Reading!

[cto10121]

Waking Romeo (2022)—Review Part 2

[Part 1] In which Jules and Ellis bond over mutual trauma while getting followed by a mysterious threat, Jules comes to the most basic of revelations, Shakespeare gets mangled, soap opera-level twists, and the Romeo Hate Dumb train trudges serenely on. Spoilers, of course.

“Why?” he asks again.

“It was love,” I say automatically.

Ellis steps away, running his hands through his hair.

“You wish to be reunited with a boy who would let you do that to yourself?" he says, getting worked up.

“Starting was such sweet sorrow. I mean parting. I mean—”

“That is not what love is,” says Ellis, surprisingly forceful. “That is the opposite of that. It is about protecting this.” He puts his hand firmly over my scar, over my heart. (159)

Romeo let Juliet commit suicide.

Romeo let her.

ROMEO LET—

Okay, put aside the obvious fact that this astounding bit of clownery is not true, not even in this twisted AU. Barker’s Romeo overdosed while getting high and Jules thought he had died. So not even Romeo the Death Eater compelled/persuaded Jules to give her life for him. Let’s put all that aside.

Have not women their own fucking agency??!!! Jules made her own decision to shuffle off this mortal coil. She was acting out of unresolved grief for her dead cousin, which she later realized, and Romeo’s seeming death only just compounded it. So Barker’s warning against girls giving up everything for their boyfriends not only falls flat but is contradicted by the narrative itself.

My eyes are hot, verging on tears. I've cried plenty since what happened. I’ve shed rivers of tears over my husband though they were mostly the civilized kind, like Rosaline musters. Romeo got my pretty tears. But the ugly ones, the ones what make me keen and shake and let out strange noises? They belong in the dark, to my secret, and they can't come out now.

Something has to come out now, though—I can't keep it all down. So in the reflection with me, I imagine Romeo. Only this time I see him as he really was. A world away from the fourteenth-century honor and frills of my story.

“Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight, for I ne'er saw true beauty…” he whispers in my ear as he kisses my neck, as his hands run the length of my body. But, of course, that’s not quite the line he delivered that night in my bedroom. His language was mostly grunts and moans. The precious few words he used were…less poetic.

“Juliet Capulet tried to kill herself over a boy that she barely even knew,” I say to my reflection. (161)

Shocker.

So. A lot of bullshit to sort out here. 1) I don’t believe for one single second that Jules never ugly cried over Romeo. Not when she saw his dead body? Not when she saw him in a coma? Homegirl was really just 🥺 all along over a traumatic overdose and death attempt?

And 2) Barker’s penchant for recontextualizing lines from OG Romeo’s soliloquies/monologues as pick-up lines said directly to Juliet is truly pissing me off, especially since elsewhere Barker has shown extensive knowledge of Shakespeare, even the more obscure lines.

[Ellis POV] “I am in every word of it. I am in the people and the places and even in the weather. It is full of little jokes and references that only I would understand," I add, without humor. “She even used my Christian name for her character, and my surname as the pseudonym that she published the book under it is all in reference to me. Everything comes back to me. She was—”

I break off, unsure how to finish. I have never spoken of Emily to anyone. Frogs knew. In the first year when I pined for her so keenly, Frogs matter-of-factly announced that she had written a book. Afterward, he found me a copy and taught me to read it. Though we never discussed her. (166)

And then there’s the Wuthering Heights hate dumb. Emily Brontë was apparently such a bigot meanie that after Ellis disappeared from her life she wrote a whole-ass book about him as a sexy if monstrous Byronic anti-hero/antagonist and one-half of a dark star-crossed lover pair as a coping mechanism. And because of this Ellis is perfect for the similarly-wronged Jules.

“What I'm saying is…I don't actually believe that what I wrote is true.” Jules sounds surprised as she speaks, as though she has just worked that part out for herself. “I don’t think that the version of Romeo in these pages is the real boy or that it's what his character is actually like, deep down. The story is simply...an alternative version of events to help me move past the real ones. Maybe it was the same for her. Maybe your girl wrote that story, not because it was true, but because it wasn’t.” (167)

You seemed to be convinced yourself of it before, Jules. Hell, she barely even thought of Tybalt, the supposedly real catalyst for events, just Romeo and her love affair and then Ellis. I’m beginning to think the whole Tybalt’s-death-as-the-real-catalyst-for-Jules is a late retcon on Barker’s part when she realized it didn’t make a lick of sense.

“May I read it?” I nod at the notebook.

“No, it's silly,” says Jules, without missing a beat. “I wrote it in the style of Shakespeare, so the language is tricky. Besides—it’s not finished. I’m having trouble with the ending.” (167)

Again, I have to question the fact that Emily is framed critically for writing a whole-ass book about Ellis while our protagonist is framed favorably for writing a whole-ass book about Romeo. Maybe Romeo should go on a similar time travel adventure after he discovers Jules’ false portrayal of him in Waking Romeo and meets a secondary love interest who actually appreciates him and calls out her weird sexist double standard.

[Ellis POV] And then I think of her words from before: “What if he had gotten my note?” And I cannot help but speculate...what are the chances that the note in question was not the one that Frogs sent me to retrieve from her family crypt all those years go? The one with the two entwined hearts on the front, which smelled of perfume? The odds are not good, I would wager. (168)

So Jules sent a message to Romeo which did not get to him because Ellis had taken it first as part of his time travel missions. This leaves Ellis as directly responsible for R&J’s tragic ending…or at least he would be had not the author retconned this later and had her douchebag Romeo say he did read it and laughed at it. Yeah, that happened.

[Jules POV] “I thought you knew,” she says softly, “that I visit him after you leave.”

I feel sick. “How long? How long have you been coming?”

She smiles sadly.

“Always.”

Rosaline has always come? I think back to all those cheesy tribute assemblies and the rivers of fake tears. Were they real after all? Was it all real? Does she genuinely love him?

“We were together for years before you entered the picture,” Rosaline reminds me. “I care about him too.” (215)

Oh, no, no, you’re not getting away with this, Barker!!!

So Rosaline’s “pretty tears” and clichéd speeches for Romeo turn out actually genuine, one of the most blatant retcons of this piece. I have a feeling halfway through Barker read her editors’ notes, realized the backlash against the Not Like Other Girls trope, and did some hasty backtracking.

And of course, there’s the 483727733th iteration of ‘Rosaline and Romeo were actually a thing after all.’ Kill this with fire.

“I am glad you got your…what was it that you called him? Your pretty piece?” I say, repeating her words from before, perhaps somewhat unkindly.

“Pretty…to imply not manly.” Jules shakes her head. “Yes, I used to do that all the time, even in my head—describe ‘feminine’ traits in men as somehow a weakness. I didn’t do it consciously: But even in my writing, the bias was there.”

Is this a rebuke of herself and of Emily? Wuthering Heights is known for subverting gender stereotypes, yet also for portraying femininity…less favorably. (221)

The author accidentally included her notes in the book, I see. These editors are getting more incompetent by the day.

So as part of the whole “whoops, I just realized my earlier Not Like Other Girls shit is now unpopular” thing (a working theory), our author is now bravely trying to convince us she was making a point about internalized misogyny. Except that OG Juliet does not describe Romeo with femininized imagery. Probably the closest is the little bird metaphor…but even then that just reads as kinky.

[Jules POV] And I was wrong—love isn't everything.

I decide that, if I ever write another play, it won't be a love story. It will be about action—taking action versus not taking action. Because standing on my balcony, looking out at the in-tatters world? It's becoming clear that we have to act. That we have to do it today, or tomorrow won't happen.

With that, my thoughts return to Shakespeare. His plays used to be performed at a theater called “the Globe.” I figured it was just a cool name—I never really thought about the metaphor of it. The idea that all the drama was literally playing out on the world's stage. That each story, however small, was part of a bigger picture. (225)

*sings in Aspects of Love* Love / Love isn’t everything

Yes, because that was what was wrong with the OG Juliet—her just standing in her balcony babbling about love when she should have been out there girlbossing an end to the feud!!! What do you mean, she’s a 13-year-old in a patriarchal society that raised her to be meek and obedient and subservient to men? That’s no excuse for being such a basic bitch!!!!

Also. OG R&J are many things. But passive ain’t one of them. Romeo approaches Juliet, Juliet flirts back, he climbs high-ass garden walls, she tells him to arrange for their marriage and sends her Nurse to him, Juliet comes to the church to get married, they marry, Romeo tries to intervene in the fight, he fights and kills Tybalt, Juliet meets with the Friar and drinks the coma potion, Romeo flies to Mantua, buys poison, and returns when he hears Juliet is dead, kills Paris and then himself, and Juliet wakes up and kills herself. What part of all of that reads passive to you?????

[Jules POV] And then I'm thinking about how it all played out. How everything happened because my cousin had died the week before. Tybalt was dead, so I went to that goddamn party. My heart was all bleeding and raw. I needed something to numb the pain, and there he was—Romeo. I used the attention of a boy as my drug and distraction.

Tybalt's death was the tragedy that sparked all disaster to follow. Without him dying, I would never have been at that party, would never have fallen for Romeo. My story would have been different. Everyone's story would have been different. So why the hell did Tybalt have to die? (243)

Before this moment, Jules has only spoken about Tybalt like maybe TWICE in the whole goddamn book. I read this book from cover to cover and I cannot tell you anything about who Tybalt was, his personality, nor his relationship to Juliet—only that he died. We get absolutely no insight or even inkling into Jules’ past relationship with him beyond one or two vague anecdotes. So yes, I count this whole psychological explanation as a retcon, and a badly done one too.

Anyway, with Ellis’ help Jules finally manages to wake Romeo with the drug, but as a cop-out she leaves before he fully awakens. When she does meet him at his parents’ house, Jules drops this bombshell on him:

“That night when we were together in my room…” I say, my voice trailing off. How pathetic am I that I can't even say it? I didn't even put it in my story—I merely alluded to it as “the love-performing night,” of all the childish cop-outs.

There’s a long, drawn-out silence.

“I got pregnant,” I finally say. “I didn’t know it when I went to the crypt that night. When…” I leave that part unsaid. “The nurses didn’t realize until after the third operation. By that point, they'd already pumped me full of every kind of drug to keep me breathing.” I try to keep my voice clinical. “They said it was a miracle the baby wasn't gone already, but that if it survived, it would be ... different.” At the mention of “different,” Romeo's eyes automatically travel to my arm—the numb one. I try to ignore it.

“Mum, Dad, and Aunt Miranda kept it a secret. I basically stayed in my room for a whole year. People thought I was grieving,” I continue. “Or they thought my parents had locked me up because I was out of control.” (260)

Jules had a secret baby even though by all accounts she should have miscarried it from both her suicide attempt and the drugs they used to save her. We are officially in soap opera territory.

[amodernpersephone]

wataru 👁

ask game

favorite thing about them

— i love his design and personality in general!!! i kinda realized im drawn to clown-esque/circus/eccentric characters bc of him since it echoes thru all my rhythm gaming favs (hhw, wxs, etc) of all things, i think i rly like his hair. which is alive btw. thats actually canon bc it moves several times . yeah. they always give him the most prettyboy hairstyles thank you happyele

least favorite thing about them

— hng. ok i love him and his whimsy and clownery as much as the next person but Boy. sometimes his dramatic effects cause...well, drama. wataei doesnt advance emotionally (despite the fact that theyve been married since ! era) because one eichi cant read the room for shit and two wataru's incapable of expressing his romance in ways that arent less . wataru-like. i mean i love him and i love his grandiose wholly but it would help if he could he straightforward just a bit and if the straight part is too much, being forward is enough LMFAO SKDHJSVSJDG

favorite line

— “Please wake up, Eichi. With your own feet, let us walk home together. Did you not say that you would walk alongside me? Only you? Come, open your eyes. Look, look, you can view the Milky Way in its entirety, see? A reality far more beautiful than any dream... Even now, it is spreading out into this world. The one who taught me that was none other than you, yes?”

and alternatively

“You’re missing the point, Butler-san! That filth is precisely Eichi’s — no, I daresay all of humanity’s — charm point!”

brOTP

— i am an avid wataru & tori friendship enjoyer!! i just love how thru tori wataru slowly grew out of his fixation on eichi and his madness being the only thing linking him to fine (thus also assuring eichi that wataru held affection for them as a unit, and not merely because hes fuck all insane and wataru finds that hot somehow) and began to love fine as a unit he was part of, something real and true and whole!!! also i think he should take tori on more littol dates and they should have fun and do each other's makeup because i am right and yuzuru and eichi would gush about this until they bleed

OTP

— must we really ask me this. the guy wearing a shirt that says "i love wataei"the girl that wrote the wataei shipping wiki the thing that broke apart during ep:link and was never fully the same again??? anyway. yeah. i cant even make a fucking joke here bc wataei has woven itself so fucking deeply into my belief system i will see a mask and a crown and start screeching "MY BLORBOS MY BLORBOS" like the local loon in the wild west. god they make me want to cry

nOTP

— uh. idk if its just bc of the aforementioned wataei illness but. i cld never rlly enjoy other wataru ships. but i think i simply dont vibe w wataru x any eccentric rlly . not my cup of tea ig

random headcanon

— OH. OHOHOHOHOHO. i am firmly wataru trans nb he/him/any if thats anything. ANYWAY he wonders what hairstyles wld look good on eichi if he grew out his hair more. he tried to recreate the performance eichi watched on tv That Day because he wants him to experience it firsthand, right in front of him, no longer an enigma, no longer surreal, but tangible and wholly his. he decorated eichi's wheelchair with the rest of fine!! the nurses literally have him on the constant blacklist because SIR you cannot keep sneaking tenshouin-san down the window because you think he should see the beautiful moon out tonight. its canon but i think he can carry eichi around with relative ease. wataei do each other's hair! theres a special whimsy in performing but theres also an irreplaceable sense of joy in standing at the same stage as eichi and feeling both his competitiveness and admiration for wataru reverberate over his voice they are echoes of one another eternally flowing into their souls

unpopular opinion

— cant rly think of any bc i practically tune out everything else LMFAO but. ig uh. hello to the people who wrote me a 17-page google doc on why my ship was problematic to which i replied a 24-page legal document telling them to shut the fuck up. wataru is a firm believer of "if i can't fix this man, we can get worse together" come on get with it!!!!

song i associate with them

— aside from his own songs??? uh. i think of him and eimichin singing lightning bug a lot. there's also elegy dedicated with love from the vivy anime which is very wataeicore from a wataru perspective. OOH. anima by reona tops it tho i just. ouahh.

favorite picture of them

— must you even ask. i actually have more normal pictures but. he is my thing

[writingwithsonicsora]

It’s A Curse If You Care Enough, CH 1 Snippet

The giant spider yokai breathes out a frustrated sound, twisting around to gaze at the four turtles at the end of her office. The squirming comes to a stop as the group realize she's gazing at them.

"Are you pleased with yourselves? All this hard work, ruined!" She waves a clawed hand angrily, gesturing at the broken glass container the Oozesquito's had been inside of. The fight in the office hadn't gone completely to plan. Leo could admit that. It almost makes him wish they had just left when he said they should.

Not like his brothers really listen to him anyway.

At the lack of response from the teenagers, Big Mama sighs, covering her face with one of her larger hands. "What else should I have expected from Rodeo Clowns?" She snaps her fingers pointing at the group. "Gather them. I want to make this night somewhat tolerable."

“How about, we make a deal?” Leonardo interjects quickly, just barely able to keep the frantic edge out of his voice. He needed to sell this. He needed to make this work. He didn't really know much about Big Mama, but she seemed the type to love a deal. She wanted to be in charge in control of a situation, but she seemed like she liked games.

Leonardo can feel his brothers glowing at him, gazes locked on his shell. He ignores it as he squirms forward in the web cocoon he’s in. “You like deals, right-?” He continues, managing a smile and wink at the yokai. He needs to make this work, so he has to ignore them.

The Spider Yokai pauses, observing the teenager with amused interest. Some of her irritation evaporated for the moment. There is no telling when that would come back. “I enjoy a good gimbly gamble every blue moon, turtly boo.” She taps the fingers of her smaller hand together, using the larger set to stall her workers from scooping the group up just yet.

“Well, take a gimbly gamble with me!” He says brightly back, wiggling closer. “I love a good challenge, Big Mama. Don’t you?”

“I do enjoy such on silly-willy occasion myself.” She agrees, her amusement still clear. She was intrigued, he could use this. “What are you thinking-?”

“Leo-“ Raph starts to warn, a frantic edge coloring his voice. He’s trying to scoot over, and likely lay on Leo to keep him from trying this.

“Nardo, do not do this.”

“Bro, please!”

“I’m thinking that you want those Oozesquitos, right?” Leo presses on, ignoring his brothers. He feels guilty for doing so, but the guilt doesn’t last. They didn’t believe him earlier. It's technically their fault all of them are in this mess right now. He’s going to get them out of this mess somehow. He’s the faceman, this is technically part of what he does. He talks big, so the rest of his family can do the heavy lifting. “I can do that for you. I have my portals, I’m fast, nimble, and quick. I’ll do it all, no complaints, no fuss, no running away if you let my brothers go.”

“And why shouldn’t I keep all of you and just make you my rodeo clowns?” She questioned, narrowing all of her eyes at him.

“Because, you know it’s a waste.” He manages to push himself into a seated position. Not the easiest thing to do given he’s cocooned in webbing. “The bottle broke, you lost all the work we did for you. And do you really trust your guys who are busy with so many other tasks to get that done?” He gestures best he can at one of her goons, a fox yokai glowering at him.

Leo drops his voice conspiratorially. “I mean, this guy, I’m pretty sure he’s so busy he hasn’t seen a brush in weeks!”

The fox yokai growls openly at the insult, only silenced as Big Mama holds a hand up again. “You certainly made some intriguing points little blue.” She hums back, “So, you would gather up Oozesquitos for Big Mama’s Battle Nexus?”

“I would. Only, if you let my brothers go. No recapturing later for clownery or any fighting. They’re off limits.” Leo wanted to be sure she didn’t try for a clear easy double cross. He wanted her to work for it if anything.

“Ohoho, trickery-wickery! You already know Big Mama.” The Spider Yokai laughs, brightening somewhat. She was clearly having more fun with this than Leonardo thought possible.

“Do we have a deal?”

“On additional thing.” The Yokai interjects, raising a finger and pointing it at Leo. “You give me your name.”

To read the rest, check it out on AO3!

Summary;

With the Oozesquito's escaping through the smashed windows of Big Mama's office, Leo knows what he needs to do.

He's the face man, he can make a deal and get them out of trouble. Sure, his brothers didn't believe him about the Big Mama thing earlier, but he can handle this. He'll have more things to rub in their faces after this. They will so owe him for this.

Little does Leo know, Big Mama never plays fair.

She's happy to agree to his deal, only for the addition of his name.

The price is much steeper than he or his family would come to realize until it is far too late.

[the-astromeners-bakery]

Things that have been said in the only in Gotham universe (with context): Hecate and Carol addition

Hecate first:

Hecate: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.

(When discussing their friends polyamorous relationship)

Hecate: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.

(When talking about men)

Hecate: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

(Even Harley was surprised at all the shit Hecate went through)

Hecate: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Hecate lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

(…never… ever leave Hecate alone at a collage party.. they will somehow always eat a spiked brownie)

Hecate: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

(After scaring their collage roommate one too many times)

Hecate, digging their grave: Long story short, this is my grave.......Want me to make you one too?

(Hecate when they learned that their parents were still alive)

Hecate: I'm a nice person, but I'm about to start throwing rocks at people.

(Hecate after being bullied one two many times)

Hecate: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

(Hecate when final exams come around/they have a lot of business orders)

Hecate: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

(This is just Hecates mood)

Carol version:

(Most of these can be described with drunk Carol, so any quotes with a ** means Carol was drunk when she said it)

Carol: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.

(**)

Carol: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

(Carol.. had a bad day at work)

Carol: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

(Carol you’re not supposed to say this shit in therapy-)

Carol: *Takes a sip of milk and gags*

Carol: Oh my god, is this expired?

Carol: *Takes another sip of milk*

(**)

Carol: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.

Carol: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

(Carol… has many grudges)

Carol: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

(**)

Carol: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit.

Carol: Fruits that do live up to their names?

Carol: Orange.

(**)

Carol: I hate when people ask me, 'What did you do today?' Buddy listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don't KNOW!

(Carol in therapy yet again)

Carol: I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.

(**)

Carol: Yeah I'm LGBT.

Carol: cuLt leader.

Carol: God hates me personally.

Carol: cowBoy hat.

Carol: *sniffles* Trying my best.

(**)

Now I implore you to do this with your own Only in Gotham OCs (Bonus points if Hecate, Carol, Kam, or Daxter are mentioned)