#now its very light to me thats probably why i have so many ideas for it

[spaceraceart]

ocs and coding ramblings

i dream of one day making a webcomic for my planet ocs since i love them so much and i have so many ideas, but writing and comic making is hard lmaooo. it would probably be a slightly-educational slice-of-life thing with a focus on earth. i've been calling this project "Geocentric" hehehe (a close friend helped me w picking that name).

but yeah, while im unsure when/if i'll get the motivation to do it, i HAVE already put together a place to post comics when i do hahahaha.

i'm not really interested in dealing with webtoon and all that, and i value customization and control (one of the reasons why i love tumblr, its theme customization is a thing i wish other social media sites had, and a thing i wish tumblr promoted more often nowadays).

so, after some research i decided on comicfury! it has a decent userbase and lets you kinda do whatever you want w layouts and comic stuff. very fun! i'm currently using a modified version of one of the default layouts, but once i get a better idea of how i want the site to look, i hope to fully make my own layout.

this is always something i love, combining my passions for characters and tech hehehehe. for example, for my toyhouse, ive been using a script i made myself to generate their bios from json files. also made my own lil tool to test out heights of character. i can even drag them around a stand them next to each other hehehe. of course i could do this all manually in an art program, but this feels more fun and easier to modify heheh.

just gotta feed in an image (i name them the same as the character name), a height (true_height is unused, its just for fun if i want to see how these guys would look with the same dimensions of their planet lmaoooo), and then some bottom and top cropping to make sure the hair and such are properly accounted for.

but yeah, thats some stuff ive been working on. ive also been trying to update some of the planets' designs. saturn is getting a new outfit, mercury's face looks a lil different, and neptune is officially light blue/teal now (the image im using in the height tool hasnt been updated yet).

but yeah, if any of yall are interested in learning more about my "geocentric" project, feel free to ask! i always love talking about them hehehe

[sunny-knight]

Oh boy this is about to be a double whammy…

Ive got an amv idea! Im probably not gonna start it for a bit though cause im *cough* busy

but also! Ive got an UNDERTALE ANALYSIS!!! so thought id share now…

“Merry Christmas, Please Dont Call” by Bleachers has been getting quite popular on tiktok, and OHH its soooooo good…

Listening to it on repeat though… It got me thinking… and appreciating sans’ character…. a LOT MORE??

Like yeah I already did really like/appreciate him, but this song is giving a LOTT more words to those feelings- AND YEAH.

This is gonna be a wonderful spiral of AMV visualizing + Undertale character/theme analysis… SO ENJOY! IF YOU WANT!

Heres a visual for the lyrics I have most in mind!

We start off strong, in an ending where you’ve gone and killed Papyrus and/or an inexcusable amount of Monsters-

The subject of this song is about Frisk/You as the player. Its even more fun this way cause Sans in game calls you “kid”…

and its even BETTER with this spesific line from the Empress Undyne Ending (w Papyrus dead) in mind AUGH

You Left Me On The Line Kid, Holding All Your Baggage.

Sans believes that “the anomaly” is doing all of this for SOME reason, subconsciously or not. Maybe they’re just missing something in their life, and thinking this will all fill their void??

But…In an ending where you’ve killed way too many people/Papyrus, I imagine Sans cant exactly justify whatever reason he believes the anomaly has anymore.

So, the wording “left me on the line with all your baggage” is him basically saying “you took out all your personal problems on people that were not in any way involved, and ruined my entire life. what the hell, man?”

Then the rest of that verse carries that same vibe/meaning.

Oh Golden Boy, You Shined A Light On Your Home. And At Your Best, You Were Magic, I Was Sold.

This part then takes place in the Pacifist route. At your BEST. When Sans has the most hope that the anomaly has found what it’s looking for.

Ofc, Sans doesnt REMEMBER anything you did, but the proof of time jumping seems to leave him with the same impression. (Also he’s pretty confident you’re responsible just cause of your expressions n all that) He even says so himself in the geno route that ORIGINALLY, before the routes you decide to go on/the humans appearance, hes always believed/wanted to believe whatever/whoever was causing this just wanted to be happy.

So in this ending, he’s hopeful that you’ve found whatever you’re looking for! he was sold…

But Don’t Tell ‘Em What You Told Me, Don’t Even Tell ‘Em That You Know Me. Id Rather Hurt Forever.

This line then switches to a potential Roommate Toriel Neutral Ending

“Don’t tell em you told/know me” referring to how he wants to keep what happened with Papyrus secret from Toriel,

“Id rather hurt forever” being an add/on to that: him preferring suffering in silence over Toriel feeling responsible for what happened.

THEN! LAST VERSE! This one is just tying everything up we’ve already discussed in a nice bow, but we still gotta digest it in chunks-

But You Should Know, That I Died Slow. Running Through The Halls Of Your Haunted Home.

BACK TO THE GENO ROUTE! Sans is dying/dead-

“running through halls of your haunted home” is kinda perfect for Chara though since…this home WAS theirs, and it is currently very haunted- with them and Asriel dying there- n all that….

And The Toughest Part Is That We Both Know What Happened To You. Why You’re Out On Your Own.

At this point of Sans laying down in The Judgment Hall, accepting death, he’s also accepting defeat. You both know why you’re doing this. That “Why” being….nothing. There was no reason, you just COULD. Thats why you’re “On your own” (in this game ofc this is not a personal attack-)

Merry Christmas, Please Dont Call.

AUUGH. The whole gang is celebrating Christmas in the Pacifist Route, but transitioning to a leaderless ending where only Sans remains, on the phone and saying his farewells to the thing that destroyed his world.

aaaand, see thats why i’m antsy about making this…I wanna get it out as a Christmas post ☹️

BUT YEAH! I really like considering this whole thing from Sans’ lense, cause honestly I DON’T believe he’s that nihilistic! Yeahh its a super horrible and soul crushing situation- and it is hard to “give it your all” when you have iron clad evidence that everything you’ve ever done/will do will just repeat and go on and on, not having true consequences, therefore, not matter.

But… if him not giving a shit were the case, why would he do ANYTHING he does??

He still shows up for the people he cares about/care for him, thats the main thing. He does things that matter to HIM, things that make him happy. He enjoys his life to the fullest. If the day is repeating, why not make that day the best day of your life??

And ive already went over how he sees you. I dont think he…likes?? you persay?? at least definitely NOT in endings where you clearly are killing people to see what will happen- but he has FAITH, hope, even. That you’ll do the right thing…..Eventually.

side note: I also know Sans and Papyrus are absolutely contradictions of each other for interesting dynamic/slapstick reasons- but they’re also REALLY SIMILAR??? Flowey is a reflection of the player… and Papyrus has faith in HIM! Idk, i also just think the connections between a lot of characters are really interesting!

[yuseirra]

I decided to relisten to Mephisto and something clicked, atleast a theory.

I agree that he wishes for someone to outshine Ai, part of me wonders if the reason why the wish seemingly didn't come true is because it had to do with the twins. They were reincarnated to pursue their dreams, but maybe also for Hikaru's wish that hasn't happened yet.

Ruby is stated so many times she's not Ai in the manga. its like they, Hikaru and Nino, expect an exact replica of her. Ruby is indeed way more emotional and shares more commonality with her father, especially in terms of mentality in how they love in their obsession/possession. But, people flash that she gives off the aura like Ai, looks like Ai at times when she is not trying.

Maybe thats why Hikaru looked hopeful for a moment, the white hoshigan. He saw potential for a split second.

But I could also be very off the mark or its too simple.

We have the HKAI explanation, but we still need Nino's motive for being involved in this. Many speculate that they want to snuff the light that is outshining Ai, which I can believe but I think there is possibly more to it. I apologize if I repeated anything you analyzed ^^

Okay, I think I get what you mean! I've been staring at this ask a little, I don't think it's written in a way that's hard to comprehend, but for some reason, it's taking me longer than it's supposed to.

so, what you mean is that 1. hikaru's wish (has to do with finding someone that outshines Ai) could have been hindered due to the twin's existence (for reasons unknown for now)

and 2. that they want Ruby to be an exact replica of Ai so that she can replace her? That's why you think he looked hopeful?

Mhm, could be! I was trying to coin how those thoughts could relate to Mephisto's lyrics earlier but it's your thoughts from the manga, right?

I wish I had more to bring to the table on my end regarding these ideas, but I don't consider myself a theorist in general. While I come up with some sometimes when I see some plot points that spark my interests, I could only talk about the things I'm really invested and passionate about. I usually just follow the plot for all the other things, so I'm probably not the best person to send an analysis to if you wish for a discussion. All I could say for now for these at the moment is "Oh, interesting! Could be so!".. I don't have so much to add on.

you must have read one of my posts earlier, right? I was so EXCITED when I wrote those! You can always come up with different ideas compared to mine, too~ I'm just really hyped from the possibility of having picked up something I previously haven't! Hope you have a nice day~

+Oh and about nino.. I was thinking maybe kamiki and her share the same goal or if he needs her help with it. if he wants to revive Ai.. which I think is a possibility with the songs expressing that sort of desire, nino must also have some guilt for having said harsh things to Ai. Didn't nino tell Ai to just die already? Then she could feel a responsibility for Ai's death too, no? If Kamiki is working to bring Ai back, I think she'd also support that sort of wish. Murdering the stars doesn't seem like the end goal.. it doesn't really accomplish anything or make things better. I say they're working for something more "constructive". If someone wants Ai back no matter what extreme measures there is to take, I bet it'd be Kamiki and Nino.

[ghost-in-the-stalls]

asking for holy blue because thats my jam (this being sagemoderocklee)

Oof okay this one's rough, but I'll do it for you <3

Down below, I gave an explanation and then a small snippet, because that's the most you'll get of this fic in likely a very long time. But it turned into a pretty big rant about my insecurities surrounding this fic as explanation for why it hasn't had any progress in literal years, whoops. Sorry this is so long!

Basically this was one of the first fics I planned out back in 2022 when I really started properly writing fic. The last fics I'd written had been DC comics fics back when I was like 12. I think I said this once or twice, but your stories specifically actually inspired me to be like "no I CAN write a long fic actually!! Those non-porn-oneshot ideas don't just have to stay ideas forever!! I do have it in me!" which led to me plotting this fic.

I then got wayyyy too overzealous, posted a prequel (that I'm not super happy with now and would like to make some changes to before I continue posting), and plotted out the first half of a two-part longform series before I was really ready. It's halted for a number of reasons. Partly because I'm struggling to figure out what I want to really have happen in the second half of the story. The half I have plotted could be a full story in its own right, but it's meant to be continued, so the ending would be depressing and frustrating in an unsatisfying way if it wasn't continued in a second story after that. I'm stuck on a resolution, though, and on turning the ideas I have for the second half into a proper story.

Also, I got overthinking and made myself super insecure about characterization (especially in regards to Lee), as well as how much of the story was very directly inspired by several other big, incredible fics in the fandom by several different authors I hold in really high regard. The stress of living up to that inspiration combined with the fear that the story wasn't original enough in the form I had planned kind of put the brakes on the whole thing. And then I got distracted by a bunch of other fics that I felt more confident in. Horror is my strong suit, I think, and this is not that at all haha

On top of all this, there's a major plot point that comes to light near the end of the first half. It's the type of thing that I've seen written so well in a couple different fics, and so poorly in so many others. It's something that I know is not everyone's cup of tea, even when it's well-written. And I've been torn about how much to be up-front with this plot point and how much to hide it. I want people to know the direction the story is heading in for the sake of their own enjoyment; so people who wouldn't be into it can just avoid it from the get-go instead of getting invested first. But I don't want to spoil things too much. But also, if knowing the outcome of a story ruins the whole thing, then it just wasn't very well written, right? Knowing what happens later SHOULDN'T completely ruin the story. If it does, that's on me for not writing it as well as I should have.

This is the overthinking I've been doing lol this is why there's been no progress on this story. It's funny, because I probably have a higher percentage of this fic written than most of my other WIPs.

Basically, if/when I finish and continue posting this story, it's going to come after a great deal of planning and work. And I'm not going to continue it until I really sit down and parse through exactly what stories inspired it and in what capacity. And after that, if I feel that it's original enough, I'd still want to give links to the stories that inspired it when I post it.

I don't want to say TOO much about the premise, because there's a lot that's meant to be *dramatically revealed* as the story goes on, but I can give a general teaser: It starts with Lee, along with the rest of Team Gai, spending a year in Suna. In that time, Lee and Gaara begin a bit of a secret, illicit affair. Obviously, Gaara's position as Kazekage complicates things, but Gaara intends to make it happen for them anyway. Lee, however, has some hidden commitments of his own that puts an even bigger wrench in those plans. Then, the year is up, things have snowballed, and no one is ready to handle the fallout of Gaara and Lee's rush into things.

You get two mediocre snippets to make up for the lengthy anxiety ramblings <3 featuring Sand Sibs Bantering (+Shikamaru) and a first second kiss between Gaara and Lee.

---

Temari grinned wickedly, a look rarely seen outside the company of the family.

“Alright. We’ll be stuck with them for the next year, so get any negative comments you have out of the way now.”

“If Neji’s still got a stick up his ass, I’m gonna have to be sick for a lot of meetings down the line.” Kankurou jumped in, ready to complain at any opportunity.

“He’s way more polite when he’s in diplomacy mode, trust me.” Shikamaru had finally - after years - adjusted to the siblings’ mean streaks. He took it in stride now. “Besides, he’s mellowed out recently now that Hinata is the acting head of the clan.”

“I don’t think Tenten likes me very much.” Gaara added, unwilling to speak too ill of allies, let alone friends.

Kankurou laughed at that, “She probably just doesn’t know what to do with you, man. You know how Konoha shinobi are, they wear everything on their sleeve. Sometimes Temari and I can’t even tell what you’re thinking."

“Besides," Temari interjected, with the slightest note of griping in her tone (which Gaara knew she would vehemently deny should she ever be accused of it; Temari did not gripe, according to herself and everyone in the world, save those who've known her their whole lives.) "I’m more worried about bowl cuts one and two. There’s only so much of that energy I can take before I want to pull my hair out.”

Gaara found himself responding before he even thought about it, “Lee is just… passionate.”

“Okay we’re supposed to be complaining about Team Gai here but I honestly gotta say–” Kankurou leaned on Gaara’s shoulder, “I really don’t get what it is with you and idolizing guys who beat your ass when you were twelve.”

“I’m not an arm rest.” Gaara’s sand pushed Kankurou away, “And it has nothing to do with that. He’s very dedicated to what he does. It’s respectable.”

“What you got a crush on the guy now?” Gaara’s almost choked on his own saliva, collecting himself when he realized his brother was just – once again – taking a joke further than it needed to be.

The last thing he needed was his siblings catching wind of his ridiculous train of thought as of late.

“That’s enough, you wasted your time with it.” Temari elbowed Kankurou until he straightened out his posture, motioning to the four who had just approached the chuunin on guard duty.

“Didn’t even get a good joke in about the jumpsuits…” She muttered.

---

Lee’s rambling was cut off as Gaara sighed, seemingly fed up with the circles they were going in.

“Did you enjoy it or not?” Gaara crossed his arms and shut his eyes as he asked, almost like he was waiting for a blow to come.

Of course Lee enjoyed it. That was the problem, not that he could reveal that to Gaara at the moment. He enjoyed it far too much, and if he was smart he would nip this in the bud before it continued any further. Unfortunately, that would require lying, which he was never very good at.

“Yes…” but- he tried to say. The word stuck in his throat.

He didn’t want there to be a but.

Gaara’s eyes opened at that and his posture seemed to relax a bit. His torso shifted slightly as he breathed in, like something flowed through him, bringing him to life.

He took a step closer to Lee. Lee leaned in unconsciously. Gaara had to tilt his head up to look directly into Lee’s eyes.

“Do you want to do it again?” His eyes flicked down to Lee’s mouth, his neck, his chest, before pulling back up to his eyes. There was something there on Gaara’s face – a challenge, almost.

Lee could never resist a challenge, even against his absolute best judgment.

If the question was that simple…

“Yes.”

The word had barely left his mouth before Gaara reached up and pulled their faces together.

This kiss was different from the first. Where the previous evening was all hesitance and sweetness, there was a desperation behind this one – a heat coming from them both, creeping down their necks and filling the room.

One kissed turned into two, three, four… And Lee found his tongue creeping out to meet Gaara’s halfway.

[dragon-tummy]

3 am, almost 4 am, rambles.

Dunno why but my weed brain really really REALLY wants dragon Thoma. So I'll be talking about him.

Vore wasn't my focus for this, I'm just tryin to flesh out ideas that sound nice to me. I might add more to this later.

Probably poorly written but I'll find out when I wake up.

:3

For aus where I make characters monsters, dragons are my first thought for him. My dragon aus offer two forms beyond human, either (cen)taur or feral. It gives me a chance to make interactions with characters of varied sizes and worldbuilding opportunities.

Thoma would be pretty averagely sized, if just a bit more lithely muscled than other dragons. The term kobold comes to mind, but its more of a mean nickname to smaller dragons. Soft fluffy body. Scales dotted down the back break up the fur, a surprisingly unbalanced amount of fur to scales. His pyro doesn't seem to burn his fur, so it's not that big of a problem.

He trails after Aether, Ayato, and Childe often. The desire to tend to tasks for a dragon he sees as hard working and amazing is a strong one, his loyalty and eagerness to please leading him. Probably more characters like Neuvillette, Zhongli, and Ningguang but my brain is too squashed for many ideas.

He and Yoimiya tend to be saving a lot of regular humans from the chaos of Inazuma's varied dragon population. Because it's impossible to tell a kind dragon apart from a mean one, most humans don't know if a dragon is safe or not until its within reach.

Put me in tummy. Now.

Pyro themed stomach, a red to orange-yellow gradient. There's a magma pattern similar to that of a the underwater light pattern. Hard to explain like this, but it's the light u see on the ocean floor/distance n stuff.

Taur form, he holds people bridal style when awake and over the shoulder when asleep. There's the other option of uh... eating. But thats not special to a singular form.

Dragon ears are dog-like, one ear folded. Soft dragon paws and paw pads.

Dog-like habit of drooling when excited and licking others affectionately. The latter has gotten him into one too many weird situations with a smaller person. It's not his fault he gets overly eager! He just wants to have them as close as possible in his excitement. And that means in the mouth they go.

Aether is the person that has to listen to his rambles abt his day. Idly talking about a new recipe he tried making alongside chores done and things seen. Pair that with him doing something in taur form, he's bound to knock something over in his distraction. Surprisingly well balanced until he's set on a single goal, at which point he's very clumsy and unaware.

Big wings and feathery accents to indicate Mondstadt origin. Leans into the sky-related traits also including aerodynamically shaped horns and wider chest/ribs for larger lungs.

[dreamii-krybaby]

Season 1 trailer analysis along side Doll and Uzi speculations:

Part 1

So i wanted to talk about some scenes showed in the trailer that will probably appear in EP3.

First is this shot,I mentioned this in my Thad analysis actually.

We can see 2 bodies of WDs hanging from what seems to be chains,they are upside down and lack part of their waist and completely lack legs,it seems to be some sort of gym,as there is a basketball ring in the background and we can even see a WDs head tossed in the basketball ring.

Judging by the brutality I speculate the perpetrator to be one of them:

1. SD-V:

We know she is the most sadistic and brutal of her squad,heck she even mentions how she wants to practice balloon animal shapes with Uzi in the pilot. So I wouldn’t be surprised if she did something like this. She also will be the next antagonist in EP3. But I think she has the least possibility to the perpetrator. Why? Because it seems that she will only be present at the prom room,where her fight will happen and I doubt she would get out of the ballroom.

2. Uzi Doorman:

Its no surprise Uzi will definitely fall down to cannibalistic tendencies and will try to attack or kill her own people. This could be after her encounter with tasting oil.

3. Doll:

I personally think she is most believable candidate.

Why? Well we have already seen her taste oil,well it was from a cockroach but who knows? She could have go for small insects but slowly wanting to go for something bigger. it could also be that by using her abilities the AS started to affect her even more. I also think she is related to the kitchen found in the trailer,perhaps she was the one who prep the kitchen before Uzi arrived.

Well,speaking of the kitchen with an abundance of oil I have many ideas on this place.

First,who turned the kitchen into an oily mess?

My first thought is Doll:

Doll could have done it to feed her cannibalistic tendencies,this could have been after or before her involvement with the corpses

Uzi could have found it by trying investigate Doll/the corpses at the gym or trying to get oil for N.

Uzi could have also gotten the knife from the kitchen and came back later or she got the knife from somewhere else and used the knife in the kitchen

My second thought is Uzi herself

Uzi could have used the corpses she found at the gym or at the kitchen and try to make a snack for N but later she was tempted to have a taste of oil. 

Or perhaps this was after she tasted oil and tried to cut a WDs arm to get more.

And why am so convinced that the corpses at the gym are connected to the kitchen,Doll and Uzi?

Simple. The lighting.

If there is one thing that connects the corpses and the kitchen (and maybe even Doll) is the lighting of the shots.

Both are illuminated by a reddish-orange-ish neon lighting.

Now yes,I do think that just bc of the lighting this also connects Doll is a bit of a stretch and yes it isn’t the first time the show has used red neon lighting (aka the scene where J and N were interacting in the pilot)

(Or at the Eldritch J fight when N stepped in.)

Despite this,the colors for some reason remind me of Doll and that’s because of her power light color:

We know her power light color is red,which I find interesting,just like pastel yellow is a color that no WDs has bc thats a trait only DDs have. The red power color is only used on WDs that are dead/can’t function anymore. (Trust me,at the pilot,the dismembered hand Uzi carried around temporarily had a red power color,there are also other examples but too lazy to mention all of them).

Here we can see her normal power color is normally red. Actually here we can see her P. Color is still red(I know its not very clear in this shot but trust me,just watch the EP by yourself) even after using her AS ability. Also if you look at the back some students did witness Doll’s use of abilities!

Also the symbol on her hand is actually different from the typical AS symbol

Strangely her P. Color changes to orange in her next scene,a while after her use of her ability. And just to compare,her eye symbol is that of the typically associated to the AS. Now the reason why I believe it changes to orange is because of the toll the AS is taking on her,we know the DDs P. Color is yellow and that they also contain the AS. So by logic,

red + yellow = orange

Which is peculiar as whenever the AS solver manifest on Uzi,her P. Color is still purple or changes to yellow.

So I think the reason why this only happens to Doll is bc she has been carrying the AS longer,Meanwhile Uzi just recently started manifesting.

Also fun fact,in Dolls 2nd scene,in the S1 trailer her eyes are still red! Unlike the EP itself,were its actually orange.

Speaking of Doll and the S1 trailer,I am betting all of my savings (spoiler alert,am broke) I am 100% sure she is the one saying

“You didn’t have to see this”

This line is definitely connected to the kitchen,the corpses,the AS and her. And probably even Uzi.

I would love to continue this but Tumblr over here doesn’t let me show over more than 10 pictures >:(

Dw ill make the 2nd part in no time.

[w1f1n1ghtm4r3]

followup fun facts about together, to that promised aquarium

this is gonna be just kinda a disorganized post of random things so uh. dont mind that.

the event title is actually a double reference ^^ its both a callback to 1dt with 1c promising to find time to do things as friends despite getting busier (even if theres no ichika this time), and also a reference to harusakis first kizuna!

colopale you still havent given us that aquarium they said theyd go to. theres a reason i had to do it myself. the fact that theres not an aquarium event in general is a crime tbh i know theres some romantic connotations with a pair going to an aquarium but theres very easy solutions to avoiding that? sending a group of 3+ characters together, having them run into other characters while there, inviting someone else along (even if they cant go, it helps make it feel more like a friend thing i think). i did a bit of the latter two, as you mightve noticed! in general though its just SUCH an obviously fun event theme i cant beleive we havent had one yet

while i am a known harusaki shipper, i kept the story pretty light on the stuff that could be read as explicitly shippy, since when im trying to make fake events, i like to think about how itd work in canon, which means keeping it low on explicit ship content. plenty of stuff that could be taken as ship food (as id like it to be!) but nothing that would alienate non shippers from enjoying the story too.

i actually didnt write shizukasas presence as intended for ship content at all though, but im definitely okay with people taking it that way lol they can be on a date too if you want them to be. my plan with them was simply theyre childhood friends too but dont get to spend time together that often anymore -> their schedules line up with a free day and tsukasa heard about the aquarium from saki, decides to invite shizuku to go there with him as a part of hanging out together -> surprise encounter with harusaki!

also both of them were scoring quite high on the form when i decided to lock in the lineup (tsukasa was absolutely sweeping the 2* category, and while shizuku wasnt winning anything, she was a pretty popular choice) and theyre very easy to work into a story together and also into a story that is focused on harusaki (╯▽╰ ) the benefits of siblings and unitmates

(tsukasa 2* poll sweep at the time of me solidifying my lineup)

the event and gacha names actually both came to me one night while i was about to fall asleep. struck by inspiration so strong i had to grab my phone and write them down in my notes app. and they actually worked very well! also heres the transparents of the logos if you want them i guess

the card/skill/costume names also mostly came to me in similar ways, in the last couple nights before i finished everything. i think only saki, luka, and shizukus skills didnt come to me that way.

while the rui fish in tsukasa card might be obvious, theres actually more animals referencing other characters too! theres a group of three fish in sakis card that are the colors of the rest of leoni, the sneakiest of the bunch, and also not quite as sneaky but maybe not as obvious as the rui fish is the airi and minori sea slugs :)

i did think about giving tsukasa fish to be emu and nene too, but that many differently colored fish in a 2* seemed like too much, so i didnt do it... at least of the units involved, 2/3 of them are fully represented in some way!

and now most importantly probably, is that this is in fact my second pass at an aquarium event! the original one i started back in 2022 and......... i think you guys can figure out why i couldnt just reuse it when i decided to go for making an aquarium event again this time.

yep, youre seeing that right. 4/5 of the characters i chose are the same as what ended up being 1dt, all i got wrong was the vs. thats pretty crazy, honestly. im still not fully convinced colopale isnt just stealing my ideas after val3 happened too /j

it was also saki focus actually! i had written out a rough idea for the story back then too, and while theres some similarities to the current one, it obviously went through a lot of changes when revising the lineup and also with everything that has happened in the story over the past two years. it was definitely a bit more explicitly shippy than my new attempt, although i still tried to keep the shipping stuff toned back somewhat

i only ever made one card for that set though, just lukas 2*... but thats the original reason i made the old 2* backgrounds! its always those fake events throwing me into the graphic design trenches (fist shake) i had been trying to do a more canon-accurate style to......... mixed success. its not terrible, but i definitely could not have done the full set like this. theres a reason i did promised aquarium in my own style!

the original theme for the set was kind of like..... performers at an aquarium? along with living water sculptures of animals. it was a fun idea, but i think i was much better suited to doing the underwater scenes of promised aquarium and also we have plenty of performance themed trained sets already ^^

considering i also technically kept her from the original set (plus she was also winning the vs poll), i gave her a higher rarity card this time around for fun. and also because i knew none of shizuku tsukasa or luka would have super significant roles in the story, and i thought it would be fun to design a lim hairstyle for her!

one final random fun fact: the thing that kicked me into gear making promised aquarium was the fact that haruka wasnt on beautiful sound. i was just a little mad that they had an underwater set WITH A PENGUIN COSTUME and there was no haruka. sometimes petty beef brings out my craziest motivations and then i proceeded to spend the better part of a month planning and making it happen.

[in-flvx]

20 questions for fic writers

I've been tagged by a few people, I think @heartofspells @strugglequill @lovelymasks and finally did it

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

39

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

114,493

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Harry Potter, but I have also written for A Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes, and most of my fics are Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1 - Oh, deer

2 - 31 days of huxloween

3 - Secrets and Honey

4 - In a dark alley

5 - Well past Midnight

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

In principle, though I have neglected that for a while now :/ I do love and appreciate every single comment I get and at one point I'll get back to replying to them. They've been so lovely, and I love going back just to read them

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Pretty sure that would be test drive. It's about the grooming of a teenager, and it does not have a happy ending. Written from the POV of the groomer too, so the tone isn't all that angsty - he succeeded and got what he wanted, which I hope makes the entire thing all the more horrifying

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That's hard to say. I write a lot of getting together fics, which I'd say all have a pretty happy ending

8. Do you get hate on fics?

None so far, fingers crossed

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do write smut. So far mostly with some light dom/sub stuff going on

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I haven't so far. But I like to make them up in my mind. At some point I hope to write a wolfstar hunger games au

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

None that made it to Ao3. I've done a lot of cooperative writing on twit-fics, and a few on tumblr with @strugglequill (padfoot-soap anyone?)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Wolfstar for sure - its the fic that got me reading on Ao3 in the first place

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have a few, sadly. The spider and the carpenter is the first thing I ever put on Ao3 and that'll never be more than the first chapter;  Feel lucky has two chapters and I physically made up a dance routine for it, but it'll probably stay that while longer. And of course 31 days of huxloween. Thats my fic with the highest word count, and I only got through nearly half of the chapters I have planned. These are all star wars fics, and kind of the reason why I now want to have my fic finished in its entirety before I post. Which also means I get cranky bc I want to post things but won't let myself. It's not ideal

16. What are your writing strengths?

I get frequent compliments on my characterizations, so I'll go wiith that

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I always struggle with scenes in which more than two people talk to each other. There is always one person just T-posing in the background. And I'm very insecure about the themes I introduce into my fics, and if I miss some that totally change the fic without my knowledge

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't do it often, but tried doing so in current wips. I do like it when it's not in dialogue style for a longer conversation but instead just the gist of it explained. It can be fun though to get a little easter egg of knowledge the POV character isn't getting when you're able to translate the dialogue and they don't speak the language

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars Prequel Trilogy

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Turns out this is impossible for me to answer

I have no idea who hasn't been tagged yet, so I'll just open it up

[gracelesslady23]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Thanks so much for the tag @strugglequill!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18 :)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

336K (wow thats so much more than I thought it would be) - but this does count the 3 unrevealed and anon-ed fics so...

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've written bits and pieces for a whole bunch of different fandoms, but mainly write for Harry Potter and I've only ever posted HP fics online.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

the ghost of you, it keeps me awake (currently unrevealed for rewrites); and a love that I dreamt of came to me at my worst; In Plain Sight; The Wedding Date; Just Mates

All prongsfoot :)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!! I adore receiving comments on my fics and try to respond to as many of them as I can (even if it sometimes takes me a while to get to it).

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm very much a happy ending writer (these characters already go through so much angst in canon, I can't help it) although I certainly enjoy building up some angst in the lead up to the happy ending... but if I had to pick probably my jilypad-if-you-squint entry into this year's Kill Your Darlings MCD fest flickering light in an endless night although I tried to give it somewhat of a hopefully ending, even if its not necessarily a happy one.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All the others lol. Haha but maybe you'll see me in hindsight I certainly spent more time with S/J after they are officially together in that fic than I usually do and there's like two chapters of smut/fluff to make up for the earlier angst.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Luckily, only few times (thank god for the small insular fandom that is prongsfoot <3), but it always hurts and turns me off writing for a period. I feel so sorry for any writer who has experienced it.

9. Do you write smut?

Sure do. Although, I do struggle a bit with writing it. I've also realised preferences sway towards the vanilla (with maybe a bit of voyeurism, exhibitionism thrown in), so that's usually what I feel comfortable writing :)

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope. I wrote some dreadful Queer as Folk/HP crossovers as a teenager (which will NEVER see the light of day) but haven't for years and years.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I was so thrilled that someone liked my work enough to do so.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No I haven't. I am quite insecure in my unfinished drafts so I think I might struggle to share that with someone in order to co-write, but maybe one day!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Can't go past Sirius/James. I've loved them for over a decade (which is insane) but Merlin/Arthur have been a close contender at certain times of my life <3

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I want you to ruin my life I just lost steam on the project and it went in a direction that I wasn't completely happy with. I do feel guilty though, which is why its now on permanent hiatus and anon-ed lol.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Ummm... I think I can come up with a cool concept / AU idea once in a while.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing Endings is probably the thing I'm most annoyed with myself about at the moment!! Finishing projects without being distracted by new ones. Purple prose (probably), sometimes even I get tired when editing my ridiculously convoluted introspection scenes (although I think, or at least hope, i'm getting better at editing them down). Writing characters and POVs outside of the ones I'm most familiar with. Writing oneshots and actually keeping them at a reasonable length (see issues with endings lol). Self confidences... the list goes on.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I'd love to be fluent enough in another language to do so one day.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, probably Harry/Hermione (but I didn't finish or post anything until fairly recently).

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Probably and a love that I dreamt of came to me at my worst, its probably the fic I've re-read the most and has so many of my favourite tropes in it. And idk I'm just really proud that I actually wrote something that long and managed to see it through and finish it.

Tagging (No Pressure): @lovelymasks @groundzero-v @mycupofrum @roalinda @bronzeagepizzeria

or whoever else would like to share :)

[avemstella]

Tumblr only just showed me that @ksjundel2003 tagged me with this just now, as technology does. I'll always take the chance to ramble (also thank u for the compliment ahhh :D). These ended up being essays hahahaaaha

1. Three Ships: Uhhh so I'm in a weird place where I'm not actively shipping anything. Like don't get me wrong I still love many ships (I'm a super multi shipper, I have no idea how people dedicate their online everything to one ship) I'm just currently not actively pursuing certain ship tags rn... Hmm hxh's return reminded me of how much I love Leopika, I got into fe3h in this last year and I've read a silly amount of dimiclaude. Also finally got around to getting into mp100 and Terumob is so cute.

Genshin thats what people are here for but if I'm honest while I still am very into the game, I haven't read genshin fic consistently for a while and thats how I interact with shipping the most. Like I love Chili, theres a reason I have plans for that ship, but I haven't read a fic with them in forever (and in the more recent examples it was me searching for found fam harb content). I also adore Kaebedo but same story. I love a lot of genshin ships, many 'contradictory' (love Zhongven as well for example), I just haven't been brainrotting about any of them for a while. God that sounds so morose pfft, its really me just letting my brain take a break and experience other things! Also just know I do think about the final planned Zhongli and Childe scene in this fic (well for the main fic at least) every once in a while and grin like a loon. Hehehe I love it so much and rip its so far away (though also once I get there it'll be right near the end and that thought makes me sad).

Also I think about my fic specific ships a lot too. Sandy and Nella for example have a scene that brings me much amusement in a couple chapters (those 2 always bring me joy). Also I've been recently thinking about the ot3 that's a big old spoiler. There's this angsty but also hopeful romantic scene that's been banging around in my head that I literally can't use in my fic it doesn't work with the timeline. But I love it, maybe an eventual bonus chap. (all I'll say on this ot3 is that at least 1 person is a harb). And taras x any harb that isn't his bro, my favorite running gag I take too seriously. Also Madame Volkov x Tsar, I can't wait to reveal why that ship cracks me up (also weirdly angsty).

uhhh that was way too long of an answer um sorry.

2. First ever ship: God I don't know. Probably amuto from Shugo Chara (I was elementary/middle school, the age gap did not clock as weird then). However my first ship with taste was Soulsilvershipping from pokemon (god we need to bring back that ship name format, so fun). I didn't have fictional crushes the same way most seemed to, however what was close enough was Silver Pokemon my beloved. He spawned my love of grumpy long haired red heads so when I saw Diluc for the first time I remember going fuck I'm gonna love him (and I did haha).

3. Last song: uhhh fun fact I'm not a music person at all. As a child I hated it pfft, while I grew out of that I still have no idea what I'm doing with it. 90% of the music I listen to is from animatics (and back in the day from amvs) or musicals because plot. And u know u find a lot of musicals because of animatics its a cycle. However saying that I was listening to Ricky Montgomery, idk why.

4. Last movie: my parents were like we're watching a movie as a fam and in true Christmas spirit we watched Top Gun Maverick pfft. tbh the movie was fine but not the stunning piece of cinema everyone seemed to be saying... also super military propaganda but we all knew that

5. Currently reading? I'm catching up on the Ascendance of a Bookworm Light Novels (I'm on the last book in part 4 and I have part 5 #1 ready). I've also been really slowly reading through (and got back into after almost a year accidental break) Lout of the Counts Family. Also hunter x hunter (my brain is filled with Sheila theories, despite being the Harbinger found fam fic writer I don't care about the troop lol, just Sheila). I also have some DC comics open in my tabs because I want to watch the newest comicpop back issues episode. Its sort of strange I've been on a reading fan fic break of sorts haha, reading lots of original stuff.

6. Currently watching? uhhhh Mob Psycho though that just ended. Also me and my sis are watching Miraculous together. We used to watch it years ago and we are watching all the stuff we missed and cringing. I also am constantly watching lots of video essays, love a good video essay to put on while doing other things like playing genshin/art/etc

7. Currently consuming? We have a holiday party every year and my dad makes his amazing to die for lasagna (we are not remotely italian, but everyone we know says its amazing). So I've been eating those leftovers and having a time.

8. Currently craving? validation uhhh free time maybe. I had so much free time while I was away at school (well more like I should have been working on stuff time, but it was time I could organize myself). I'm home and between Christmas and parties and my grandparents/Cousins/feels like everyone visiting I've had no time for myself. I love seeing my cute baby cousins I don't get to see too often but its a lot. Also a job, I don't want to have to job but it'll get my mother off my case.

Well that ended on a too serious note haha. Also this was way too long and I have no idea who to tag and I'm anxious so uh, no one I guess. I must now return to my chaotic life, as one does.

[daedalusdavinci]

honestly im just gonna give u a list. anyways. bruce, harvey, eddie (easy mode), oliver queen (whore), equius, sollux, eridan (legally mantaded homestucks), tim drake because im here to cause u psyhic damage, damien (bby), and lets round it off with scarecrow cause why not. pick n choose the ones u want to do anyways -blasts u with my autism beams-

[I.D.: A man in bed, lifting his head off of the pillow with a confused, bleary look, squinting into the light being shined at him. /End I.D.]

jesus ok. this is obviously going to get really long so im sticking it all under a cut now

send me a character and i will tell you my...

Bruce

First impression

my first impression of bruce fucking wayne was actually probably when i was like four years old or something and watching btas so my batman, the batman that has always existed in my head, has been a man who genuinely cares about the people around him and believes everyone can get better. which is to say i probably got the best intro to batman you can get

Impression now

btas is still one of my favorite versions of batman there is but i also know now that there are many versions of batman depending on whos writing him and by god do some of those versions suck! but there are also nonbtas versions that are so great! like robin jason era batman. the most man of all time. or rob bat, or lego batman, or-

Favorite moment

btas bruce makes me fall to my knees and cry every goddamn time. his relationship w harley?? w harvey?? w freeze?? the way even joker trusts him to always be a good man and keep people safe, even when its him. every time bruce desperately reaches out to someone who is trying to hurt him, because he wants so badly to help them get better, know that i am sobbing.

Idea for a story

i dont really have bruce centric ideas because tbhhhh bruce has been so many different things over the years i just mold him to fit my needs for other stories. like i want to write bruharv fics or fics w eddie but harvey and eddie are what set the scene, not bruce, bc they have more firmly set personalities than him. late 80s bruce vs late 90s bruce are two completely different people, and btas bruce and rob bat bruce are like complete opposites to me in the way they wear the cowl. so yeah. the only time i might center something around bruce is if im writing a superbat story, bc i think clark is just as fluid at this point, but i dont really have as much interest in writing a superbat story!

Unpopular opinion

any opinion about batman is already tired, thats just the nature of batman. its too pervasive. someones already said anything i could say. but hey, people are ableist, so im sure this will be an unpopular one! bruce should have mobility aids. bane broke his back. you do not ever 100% come back from that. period, end of story, not arguing.

Favorite relationship

its gotta be bruharv. its gotta be. look obviously im a btas fan to my very bones and btas bruharv never stops breaking my goddamn heart. late 80s is just the same. i think ive said and written enough about them on this blog that no one needs to hear me say it again.

Favorite headcanon

bruce is autistic. you agree.

Harvey

First impression

first intro to harvey was during jasons robin era, so like, annual 14, #410 or whatever, you know what im talking about. hes just camp enough and he also gets frankly the most sympathy from the writers we really see him get outside of btas, imo. i was instantly sucked into the idea of this man who fought his way into the system because he wanted to change it, who believed in the law, but gradually became more and more disillusioned with it as he saw proof that a corrupt system would always be corrupt. morality, balance, and justice is the foundation harveys built his life on as an answer to the abuse he faced, and the way that all shatters for him is just. augh. add that to his beautifully complicated and desperate relationship with bruce and i just fell in love with him instantly

Impression now

hes like my favorite character outside of jason im fucking obsessed with him. i think im a little delusional about it but dc is so goddamn ableist with him i feel like i have to take some liberties, and he can be so INTERESTING if you just give him the room to be. also btas harvey is hot. im not taking any questions at this time.

Favorite moment

btas bruharv breaks! my! heart! that scene where bruce is desperately researching did and promises to a harvey that cant hear him that he will save him, somehow? i think about it every day. but also harvey had a lot of really good moments in tfz. i love to see a man in despair.

Idea for a story

ive had this idea in the back of my head since before i even started working on the jdau where harvey and 2f are trying to become better, sort of, or at least commit crimes in a way that they can feel better about. turning their attention back to mob bosses ala dark victory eventually drives them to team up with jason, who is post utrh and no contact with bruce and the batfamily, who harvey has no idea is even the same punk robin that once insulted his car. jason finds a father figure in harvey while harvey finds a new path to redemption (or antihero bullshit) through jason, and they both help each other sort out their messy ties to bruce. i dont know if ill ever get around to writing it- definitely not until ive gotten the jdau more or less out of my system- but i think about it sometimes.

Unpopular opinion

all of you fuckers need to go look up shit about did rn forreal im not joking. if you think 2f is an evil alter you are buying wholesale into the ableist shit dc is feeding you and its a problem. if you are going to write harvey and 2f, you need to accept that they both kill, that they both do crimes, that 2f is not the sole thing holding harvey back from “going good” again. find a different way to differentiate them. i see this in every goddamn corner of the fandom and it floors me how many of you are comfortable with perpetuating dcs ableism so long as its a ��bad” disability like did.

Favorite relationship

its obviously bruharvey. (waves at my. entire blog really.) but i also really enjoy harvey and jason teamups, if that wasnt obvious. tfz changed my brain chemistry but i was like this even before that. i think they could find a lot of common ground in each other if i just ignore the part where 2f killed jasons dad lol

Favorite headcanon

i was just ranting about this the other day but i think the difference between harvey and 2f is that harvey tries very hard to repress things as the apparently normal part and wants very badly to believe in the legal system and that he could be a good person (pre acid, we see him kind of give up on that after the acid) whereas 2f embraces his anger and passion and has significantly less hope in the system and feels that he is inherently a bad person due to extremely low self esteem, because, yknow, hes the emotional part, hes the trauma holder. theyre both angry, they both commit crimes, harvey just has issues around letting himself experience negative emotions. this is pretty much the foundation for everything else i write because its how i work around the evil alter bullshit. they are both complicated (even more so than i can put concisely like this), it cannot just be 2f is bad and the source of all evil.

Edward

First impression

the first comic i ever read w eddie having any sort of significant part was hush and the joy of seeing that mystery come together and having eddie be the mastermind behind it all, as a huge mystery fan, was like nothing else. eddie was clever, irritating, and smug as all hell, with the goofiest goddamn schtick, and i just fell in love with him. the more i got to know him after that the more i loved him.

Impression now

eddie is one of the most camp rogues in the whole gallery. hes pathetic, whiny, attention-seeking, and hes also clever, annoying, and smug. i like that hes so often harmless but also has these little moments where he really does get batman on the ropes with just his brain. hes a little mastermind and i love that. hes a little creacher. hes hilarious. he has so much potential. he drives me crazy. im listening to batman unburied rn and hes so obnoxious i want to chew off my own leg. he remains one of my favorite batman characters of all time

Favorite moment

god theres this one origin story where hes reencounting his life and hes literally like rolling around on the floor whining about how lonely he is and how much he craves attention and its like. peak fucking eddie. hes so fucking annoying i love him i want to bully him

Idea for a story

ive already said im a mystery fan. when i was a kid, i read every single detective novel i could get my hands on, and its such a wonderful moment for me when batman can scratch that little itch in my brain. ive been rereading some of those old books lately and i really want to write a rddlebat fic in that style where bruce is a detective (but in a busybody way, and not in a police way), and riddler is the moriarty to his sherlock that keeps him running in circles. i can see the setting so clearly in my mind. ive just never written a mystery before and im struggling to think of one compelling and in character enough to drive the plot.

Unpopular opinion

i have learned that riddler fans deeply, deeply hate hush. the vitriol people have is incredible. its still one of my favorite riddler comics of all time, though, and i wonder if its because its written like a mystery instead of an action adventure. it leaves you with all of the clues, it builds, and in the end, the whole thing unfolds beautifully. its one of the best comics in terms of ones that show off what eddie can do and the extent of his intellect. its one of like four comics ive ever bought because i just adore it and apparently that is a VERY unpopular opinion lmfao

Favorite relationship

obviously rddlebat. obviously. i like them best when they have a sherlock and moriarty dynamic and are constantly challenging each other, pissing each other off, kiiind of flirting. theyre peak homoerotic rivalry to me. i dont like, mind stuff where theyre all cutesy and whatever, but its never been how ive seen them because im a homestuck and i know kismessitude is the way

Favorite headcanon

liam wrote a fic where eddie uses that cane because he actually needs it and he was so fucking right for that. i am 100% integrating that into my belief system

Oliver

First impression

sdkflsdjnfsdsdflsdf i HATE to admit this. but my first impression of oliver was in that comic where jason kidnaps mia and bruce snaps at ollie for his treatment of roy, and my second impression of him was rhato. so. needless to say, my first impression of ollie was Not Good. i thought he was just. the worst fucking dad ever, and a total piece of shit

Impression now

hes a communist king and he can GET IT. i have read way more green arrow comics since my first impression of him and i love him dearly. oliver fucks up again and again but he actually tries to do better. he learns and he grows and maybe he hasnt always been the best dad but hes doing pretty damn good now. he cares about and invests in his community on the local level and he puts his goddamn money where his mouth is every time. hes what a lot of people want bruce to be, tbh. i actually fucking adore oliver queen and i really want to read more green arrow comics

Favorite moment

green arrow/green lantern is such a fantastic goddamn run and i rotate it in my mind every day, specifically the part where they seem a skirmish between people and the police and hal immediately jumps in to help the police, but oliver stops him and starts breaking down the issues with that. like. fuck. do you know how fucking refreshing it is to see that in a comic. also when roy and oliver shoot cat man and then accuse the other one of missing i think about that all the time

Idea for a story

one day i am going to go as batshit about green lantern as i do about batman right now. that day hasnt come yet. but it will. and then there will be ideas.

Unpopular opinion

iii already said it tbh lmfao. green arrow is what people want batman to be. the family dynamics are way better and ollie invests in his community and tries to get better the way people want to believe bruce does (and lets be honest, how often does dc actually let bruce be the batman we know he can be and has been on occasion?)

Favorite relationship

ill be the first to admit im really fucking biased after reading ga/gl but ollie/hal/dinah. because yeah. what was all that.

Favorite headcanon

i think about grandpa ollie all the time. aaaaall the time. i think about him investing all the time in lian he never did in roy and i think about the apology written into it that he probably does say outloud, because hes not goddamn batman and he tries.

Tim (i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you)

First impression

the first tim comics i ever read were. the first tim comics ever. he was in full hero worship mode and his hair looked dumb as hell and he was a cute kid. his audacity was fucking stunning, but i was willing to forgive him for it

Impression now

wheres that fucking tumblr post thats like peoples reactions to shows before and after a plottwist where someones like “why does everybody hate this guy” and then “I Know Now.” thats how i feel about tim. the audacity did not ever stop. he carries it with him forever. he is sexist as fuck and the way he treats stephanie makes my blood boil, and he is one of the number one offenders in terms of rewriting the narrative around jason. a lot of this is the fault of the writers and not him (PARTICULARLY THE WAY BRUCE TREATS HIM COMPARED TO OTHERS AND THE SHIT HE GETS AWAY WITH), but the whole thing leaves such a bad taste in my mouth i just cant stomach tim anymore. add that to how goddamn annoying tim fans are and how confidently they mischaracterize tim and every other fucking character? i can easily say tim is my least favorite member of the batfam.

Favorite moment

i think about this dumbass panel every goddamn day.

[I.D.: A comic panel of Tim Drake where he is standing outside, partially shaded by a tree. He is wearing an oversized red sweater that says “zoo of wires” in all caps and yellow pants. He’s squinting strangely and there’s a scuff mark on his cheek. His hair is the older style of Tim hair that stands completely on end and makes him look like a clown. Overall, it’s a pretty awful picture of Tim. /End I.D.]

but genuinely any moment between tim and kon or the rest of the young justice team, i think, are his best moments.

Idea for a story

any time i feel like tim could have room in a story im writing i am simply going to replace him with duke <3

Unpopular opinion

everything ive said so far has been an unpopular opinion and im not convinced i wont be drawn and quartered for posting this. but frankly if you made it this far into this post im kind of assuming youre a friend of mine who already knows i dont like tim bc this is really long. anyway heres another one <3 tims parents were never abusive you guys just dont want to admit tim is only interesting if you give him jason or stephs backstory

Favorite relationship

its gotta be tim and kon. gotta be. they are cute. i get it. the way tim just lights up in his robin run (or was it red robin?) when kon comes to visit is. yeah.

Favorite headcanon

i love it when tim quits being robin or is never robin at all. i am a hater.

Damian

First impression

i think the first damian comic i ever read was bftc and batman and robin 2009 and the MOMENT i saw his little face. his little cheeks. oh my god. hes SO. BABY. and hes a slightly MURDEROUS baby??? even better. i saw damian and i knew he was gonna be one of my faves he was just too precious, too perfect

Impression now

hes the babiest boy of all time and i love him more than i can even put into words. i adore him. i need to read more of his comics but i have read Enough to know that i love him. i want to pick him up and swing him around like a cat. bolito de odio mi queridooooo <3333

Favorite moment

i hold the fact that he named the cat alfred very close to my heart. also when he whooped tim and jasons asses but dick stopped him and validated him before he could (crying)

Idea for a story

eventually i wanna write more stuff w him in the jdau but i dont have it all set in stone just yet

Unpopular opinion

everyone hates aro hcs but youll pry aro dami out of my cold dead hands

Favorite relationship

dick and dami (PLATONIC. OBVIOUSLY!!) is such a basic answer but it is my true answer. im not joking when i say it literally makes me cry. i just!!!! have a LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT IT. im not going to get into it all but augh. jon and dami is probably second tho their friendship is so fun and ill never forgive dc for what they did to it. also prefer them platonic

Favorite headcanon

i cant even call damian being autistic a headcanon. its just real.

Jon

First impression

jesus christ. sdlkfjnsdfsf scarecrow is a cool tool to make things happen in comics he makes for a very good villain but i have never been very impressed by his actual personality i find him very very very creepy and i do not trust him around children i think hes a little freak

Impression now

exactly the same. i dont get how big into him some people get and moth i think you are fully delusional

Favorite moment

this is the one exception alright. as the crow flies is my favorite scarecrow comic of all time its really intriguing and he is very creacher. the power dynamic is really such that you have to pity jon, he loses so much control over the situation and he doesnt even understand whats happened to him, and the one person he confides in betrays him. the scarebeast itself is, i think, one of the best batman monsters if not The best batman monster the design is so goddamn cool and jons design, too, is just absolutely great in this comic. its such a goddamn good comic i love it

Idea for a story

lmao im never gonna write a story about this bitch

Unpopular opinion

i dont like him. thats my unpopular opinion. and i dont get “the dork squad”

Favorite relationship

again, the dynamics in as the crow flies were really interesting. otherwise idgas

Favorite headcanon

if i ever wasted the brainspace to think about scarecrow hcs they would be exclusively in reference to scarebeast. but i dont.

aughughugh homestuck time

Equius

First impression

haha gross! this guy is fucking weird

Impression now

funniest fucker there is. nothing about equius isnt hilarious. i love him. hes the definition of beta cuck and thats hysterical. hes weird and gross and kind of creepy and also slightly charming in a bizarre way and i love him

Favorite moment

i dont know now its been a while since i went through his pesterlogs but he does have some prettyf ucking funny lines. in general tho nothing can top arquius. hilarious

Idea for a story

ill probably write another h@lquius fic one day. hold me accountable was some of the most fun ive ever had writing a fic

Unpopular opinion

that i like him at all tbh lmao

Favorite relationship

OBVIOUSLY its equius and hal. obviously. they bounce off of each other in the worst possible ways theyre so gross and funny. arquius is one of the funniest things to ever come out of homestuck. dirk and equius is probably right after that.

Favorite headcanon

i like my space au a lot idk

Sollux

First impression

i thought sollux was the best goddamn thing since vriska. he was snarky in a way that vibed just right with me, his humor cutting and self deprecating and just perfect. i loved his relationship w aradia, i thought they were so sweet, and he also just reminded me a lot of dave who was my favorite character period. he and karkat were also really funny. i think i also just related to him a lot, at the time

Impression now

sollux is a lot of fun as a character because hes so dry and flippant about everything. hes a genuine true neutral character who most of the time cant find it in himself to give a shit about anything, and you have to admire that. hes laid back, except for when hes not, and his interpersonal relationships are generally snarky and ribbing with an undercurrent of very genuine care and affection. he was one of my favorite trolls for a very long time and i love him a lot.

Favorite moment

when hes just lost his lisp and is kind of obsessing over it is a pretty good one. but his conversations with karkat in the very beginning are also pretty good. everythign between him and aradia too. idk, its been a while.

Idea for a story

some day im probably gonna end up writing an ersol story, but from time to time i also think about writing that pale davsol fic for the guardians au ive had in the back of my mind forever

Unpopular opinion

feferi did not treat sollux especially well and did not respect his boundaries at all. their relationship sucked

Favorite relationship

rn its probably post sprite eridan and sollux, but ive always had a soft spot for some kind of friendship between dave and sollux, and sollux and aradia is a classic for a reason

Favorite headcanon

bigender sollux ftw. see also: sex neutral asexual sollux

Eridan

First impression

he is so whiny and obnoxious but also so brilliantly crafted and he has so much depth to him for a character that stops mattering like ten pages in time to latch onto him and never be normal about it again

Impression now

and then i wasnt! i dont think much has changed about my opinion on eridan at all actually

Favorite moment

his conversations with karkat oh my goddd theyre such gossips. also im sorry but youve gotta love his stupid little anxious talksprite hes such a prick. AUGH. AND THE DRESSES IN PESTERQUEST HANG ON

Idea for a story

see the above ersol musings but also and more importantly im going to write another erdave story. i dont know what its gonna be about but im sure in a few months eri will break down my door and say something to me about them and within a week ill have churned out another goddamn fic

Unpopular opinion

this has always been an unpopular opinion but if you think eridan deserved better but you think vriska is an irredeemable piece of shit you are in fact sexist <3

Favorite relationship

its very obviously eridan and dave. obviously. ive been writing this shit out for so long im tired now and im nto going to get into all of it but just know that i know everything about them and i know exactly why they work and im right about it. but i also believe very strongly in eridan and karkat and their whole relationship with karkat being like. honestly the only person who continued to believe in eridan and cared about him when he was really going off the deep end and their friendship actually being very genuine and sweet and the like potential there. but ALSO. vriska and eridan is one of the best friendships in the messiest way they were actually like the best and strongest kismessitude in homestuck and ill never let anyone forget it i LOVE them i love them being exes that know too much about each other and use it for evil even tho theyve stayed friends after all this time

Favorite headcanon

eridan being genderfluid is BASICALLY canon so i wont even call that a headcanon bc its just true. i feel very strongly about eridan having a very unhealthy relationship to sex and relationships where he ties his worth to them regardless of whether or not he actually wants them. he IS ace and he is DEEPLY repressed about it, thanks

[mugenloopdalove]

oh nice, you probably have a good idea what it's like then. sometimes i feel bad for the people just getting into overnight work because you really don't know what it's like until you're on shift. anyways, you probably know this stuff already but the best advice i can give is that, like, sometimes you're going to have to force yourself to go outside and touch grass. not in the tumblr way, but in the "i accidentally haven't seen the sun in 3 days and now my brain is melting" kind of way. basically, even if you think you don't need it, you need to see the light of day every few days or your brain turns to soup. and if your brain starts to feel like it's on fire, it's probably time to go sit in the sun for a few hours.

some other things i've noticed/tips: overnight work can get really boring, so i started playing a bunch of games that scratch my brain but are short. i think idol games are probably good for this but i personally took up word games, crosswords, and solitaire. it also helps me to keep a list of things to do when i get bored out of my mind on shift. loneliness is also a really big problem for overnight workers, so i recommend finding something in your off time where you're seeing people face to face. i volunteer, but sometimes i just wander around main st of my town so i can see people in real life, even if i don't talk to them. i've found that a lot of little things like that help, even if i don't think they will.

i also want to say that balancing time can be a nightmare in a way that day shift workers don't understand. having all of your 'personal time' before work can actually really suck, so please make sure to build in at least an hour of downtime before you go to bed after shift. going to bed directly after work sucks in so many ways. people are also gonna be shitty about it, particular people you make appointments with or talk to on the phone. i had to record a very blunt phone message saying not to call me before 1 pm because my family was giving me so much shit about not being up in the mornings. it was a little rudely worded, but it worked. i recommend just being firm with anyone who tries to say anything (ie "I won't be there, it's before my wake up time, that's final")

that's all i got for now (actually about to get off of my shift rn l o l) but i really wish you the best of luck. i think of you as a friend even though we don't talk much and i hope this works for you. i hope you're able to get this job if you want it and i hope working overnights works out for you if that's what you'd like to do. (also i know you have kitties so pls give one a pat from me, your strange rambly anon? ty)

OH YEAH FOR SURE, i had a bit of whiplash when i first started even tho ive always been the kind of person that stays up til the sun is up lol. and my husband was the same (it was even worse for them bc they used to be more of a morning person before starting overnight and literally went from working 6:30am-6:30pm to doing the opposite)

YEP i struggle w this anyway and my husband drags me places so i can get out. my husband themself goes on hikes w our dog sometimes, i dont rlly think i could manage that bc walking hard but maybe if i brought my cane and we found some short trails :) but even just like. going to the store while its still light out would probably work (even though thats near impossible this time of year. love winter but why do they turn off the lights so early)

oh yeah, when i worked overnight i was usually like, playin lil puzzle games and stuff, or reading. i got a LOT of reading done back then. this job is kind of a cleaning job from what i can tell so i might not have time for that kind of stuff, but who knows, ill probably have some downtime. it also sounds like ill have coworkers but i def felt the loneliness when i was at the gas station. luckily my brother was enough and im sure my husband will be, and i know ill at the very least have a supervisor (my husband is lucky they have lots of coworkers, many of wish they consider friends on their shift lol)

yeah, hubby sometimes goes to bed right after if theyre like. on their 3rd shift in a row, but they usually make time to chat. i usually would stay up and scroll tumblr for a bit after work, i can't sleep right after work either unless im just TIRED tired.

OH DONT GET ME STARTED ON PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTANDING YOURE NOT AVAILABLE DURING THE DAY i think my PARENTS would at least know because theyre used to it from me working overnight a year+ when i lived there, and my brother doing overnight work as well, but like. in general my husband has such a hard time getting people, their parents included, to understand "hey i am not available during the day" (but since when did my in laws understand a fuckin thing in the world)

thank you very much!!! i hope u have a good shift friend ^^

[indigo474]

Full moon feels

Madison and I went to GNC- I HAD to get a certain pre workout. We go in- I get what I want. Madison says to me- hey you do realize that guy in there was drooling over you right- WHAT? I had no idea. She says she felt like she was 3rd wheeling and she starts telling me all the reason how he was into me. She tells me I need a guy like him in my life and i HAVE to go younger because men my age are old and on and on. Funny thing is the last time i was in there- a longtime ago- the same guy told me to stop back in to see him and tell him how i liked the pre workout. She is positive this guy was super into me- I am blissfully unaware.. he was nice and complimented my bag and gave me a discount - i noticed they sell wedding rings and I commented that i thought it was odd- he asked if i needed one... No,thats the last thing i need thank you very much. I have no idea why there is such a disconnect in my brain when it comes to men. I wish i was more aware. Madison thinks I should go back in to see him. Another missed opportunity. The pre workout made me sick-too strong .. I walked in the park but felt horrible and i had to pee. I got totally overwhelmed in home depot.. overstimulated. I started getting down on myself- i feel so helpless when it comes to the things i need to get done in my place. I wish I had someone who could teach me things. Madison wishes the same and she made a comment about us not having any men in our lives. Madison is very happy here-i'm kind of surprised.. she swore she wanted out of this town. She told me she feels safe here and she's been sleeping well. She was sweet today.. I was trying to pick out light bulbs and there were so many different kinds i just couldn't and I started to spiral-inward spiral.. overwhelmed and that voice in my head started - your a fucking idiot you cant even pick out a light bulb.. i told her i was starting to feel bad about myself and she said to me your probably just overstimulated and there are way to many choices and she said lets get out of here- then, she took me to lunch.. she also told me she thinks i'm doing a great job. she registered for the community college today. i'm happy about that. its funny she wanted out of this town and i didnt want to leave but now i'm wondering if maybe i should have. maybe leaving what i know would have been an opportunity for growth. I like it here. Im getting use to it. I was able to get paint swatches- i can paint.. i need to figure out how to get wood and where to store it.. also im gonna need a rake and i really should talk to the lady in the clubhouse.. work was awful this week and i am going ot have to do damage control on monday and it feels like my team is falling apart. I wonder if i should down load the dating apps again. I really do not want to. i have enough to do around here but sometimes i think it would be nice to at least talk to someone. anyway- the moon- the moon- so bright and is that Jupiter i see?? i think so

[sningo-prompts]

Sningo evolving would be an interesting thing to see i think

Holy crap im sorry i forgot about this.

Ok so i dont think he would willingly want to evolve. I think he can though. His situation has to be dire though. Sooooo maybe either someone captured him AND Emmet or him and Emmet gets trapped in like a collapsed tunnel. Either way Emmet has to be in trouble. Ill try to so both. Hopefully i remember to do the other by the end of he first.

Emmet captured:

So Emmet was captured along with Ingo since he wouldnt let go of Ingo no matter what. No matter how many attacks they three at the man he wasnt giving in. So they just take em both. Emmet is in some serious medical attention. And Ingo is very much so worried about his little brothers well being. This is all HIS fault after all. Emmet is only hurt from protecting him. Ingo tried to get Emmet to give up and let him go but he refused. So he was forced to watch as his brother took blow after blow protecting him. Now they are in the back of some van being taken somewhere and Emmet is coming down from that adrenaline rush. The pain is setting in slowly and Ingo can see it happening in real time. Emmet needs a doctor and fast. Ingo is far to small to do anything about it either. But that doesnt mean hes powerless. Maybe when they arrive at their destination their captor makes a mistake and Ingo and Emmet escape. Maybe Ingos attacks gave them the opening hey needed. They run off into the wilderness. Its pretty far from the city though. And Emmet is getting worse by the minute.

Till finally he collapses unable to walk any further. Ingo can hear people off in the distance searching for them so they cant stop. Emmet probably tells Ingo to go on without him. But theres no way Ingos doing that. If he could just carry Emmet they could keep moving but hes so small. He tries to help Emmet walk but its so good hes too weak to be of any use. Then when Emmet can finally hear people he starts trying to push Ingo away. To get him to flee but Ingo is a good older brother. He knows what he needs to do. So he evolves then and there. He doesnt care if this means he can never be human again. He just has to save Emmet. Nothing else matters to him. Now in the full form of a sneaseler he can carry Emmet and keep moving. I imagine though it was a hard evolution to bring on since he really didnt want to but had to. So picture this if you will. Sneaseler Ingo carrying Emmet with tears in his eyes because he thinks he just gave up his humanity. Emmet of course gasped and yelled for Ingo to stop to not evolve that He’s not worth it. Emmet yelling that Ingo could be giving up his chance st humanity that theres gotta be another way. Emmet probably blacks out during their escape when he wakes up in a hospital hes panicking for Ingo. Maybe hes forgotten about that evolution and hes just worried because he knows people had been after Ingo. That is until Ingo walks in. As a sneaseler. Emmets heart drops. Ingo just offers a soft look before looking away from Emmets gaze. Maybe Emmet gets up and walks over to him on shaky legs and just wraps his arms around Ingo. Apologies follow im sure. Which Ingo shakes his head at though hes trembling too from what hes done. Though when Emmet pulls away he can see this is the closest they have been to seeing eye to eye.

OK THATS DONE sorry its probably hard to read i kinda struggled with it. I also have no idea how talk sneaselers are. I probably made him a little tall but honestly let the man become a noble. It was for a worthy cause wasnt Arceus. Let him be tall again. Ok im a do the tunnel one now. But im a put it in a reblog of this post since this is getting long. Since i forgot about this anon for so long i think you have earned two responces for this. Though i might have three idk

[kyoryu]

We have heard your gospel on the shitty finale. Now, dear prophet, I humbly ask for your fix-it ideas

OK SO

you said FIX IT... so how would i fix it. oh in so many ways. but to make what we had WORK, its simple. ive said it before and i will say it again. 3 simple things:

- having no way back to amphibia is treated by the characters as something unfair and theyre all very broken up about it, especially anne. she's inconsolable. shes not accepting just cuz omg i changed i will just take every bad thing life keeps throwing at me here throw some more

- we get to see anne reunite with her parents when shes back (sasha and marcy with theirs too would be nice but thats another can of worms to open)

- after the trio hug in the timeskip, have an actual open end where we see a light flash when they walk off screen. like they went... Somewhere 😳 thatd be cool, like have they opened it before? is this the first time? is it even a portal? dont know, actual open end ✌️

(people keep saying what we got was an open end and the more i think about it the more i call bs. it wasnt open ended they just didnt go back to amphibia and ur in denial. cry about it ig)

anyways id be so happy with an ending like that. im not even changing much its just adding 3 things.

(also id probably skip on the trio growing apart and shit. like i keep saying, i dont think them growing apart in the situation where amphibia is closed for good works out. its just weird. like yeah we close this chapter that totally didnt mark us for life and we move on 🤟 BUT AGAIN JUST LIKE SASHARCYS PARENTS, THATS ANOTHER CONVO)

AS FOR AN ACTUAL FIX IT... to make exactly what we got work we'd have to rewrite the whole thing. not make it about saving the world, not making it so much about family, changing everything. cuz that ending just shits on everything lmao if the ending we got actually worked then amphibia would have to be a completely different story

ANYWAY a fix it would be what i said. tbh i like it when u add those 3 things. its genuinely bittersweet like that. it makes me angry about how its only 3 simple little things that couldve been added and i wouldve been content. but whatever

HOWEVER, A DELUSIONAL ENDING THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY WOULD BE: annes given 3 full stones, bc i dont see why tf not if she meets god. i mean if its gonna be nonsensical then lets be nonsensical all the way and have 3 stones. each of them get one, and they can use it to travel back and forth by themselves. each time they have to charge it.

this means they dont usually Go together. they go separately, and if theyre ever in amphibia at the same time they might not even know. sasha always warps at toad tower, anne in wartwood, marcy in newtopia. they go to amphibia for their own purposes and business. and thus the trio grows apart.

it makes more fucking sense, ofc i think the trio growing apart makes sense, it just Doesnt when you add it up with closing off amphibia forever lol. but with amphibia being accessible i totally see it. theyre all doing their own stuff and making their own friends (both human and amphibians). even like this, after what they went through, sasha anne and marcy are intertwined for life. no matter how much time passes, how different they become, theyre unique to each other. they always come back to each other at one point. other than that, amphibia is open, they get to grow up in a place they love with people they love without having to sacrifice choosing one or the other bc that Sucks Ass and they've been thru enough, and have enough mental scars that will keep haunting them even after if they get to thrive in both worlds

this version is kinda. unrealistic. i get it. but the realistic ending we got was bullshit and shitted on everything, its sad and not to mention Boring. i think this ver still gets the point across (point that was already made so many times in the show anyway), sprig and anne grow up together, anne still becomes a herpetologist but now instead of fucking tragic and sad its very fun and cute, sasha has a getaway from her chaotic homelife and can be with grime who never ever EVER left her side, marcy gets to become close to olivia like shes failed to do and hence gain an actual mother figure in her life, etc etc. hehe

(and as adults sasha and marcy choose to move to amphibia. or as teenagers they just straight up stay there. but thats another convo as well)

i actually do enjoy a version where they only go back after 10 years and they have to reconnect, its fun to explore, but it never stops being Sad. i think of it and make hcs about it and comics about it but it never stops being full on sad ending to me and when i remember its not just a fun concept im exploring, its the genuine ending we got that is supposed to be Good and Satisfying, i become enraged. i continue not to see the sweet in the bitter. i wish people would at least admit its full on a very sad ending instead of pretending it was something else (people who liked it say it makes them want to d1e or say "idk i just like sad endings" so u agree. u agree it is a sad ending where characters end up sad)

anyways. kind of a stupid ramble here. i love amphibia (kicks the ending on the throat)

[serumandsteel]

the way we heal | jj maybank

- pairings: jj maybank x reader

- summary: people deal with trauma in different ways but it seems that jj thinks you don't care about the loss of your friends and deep down himself but he just needs to understand that people heal in their own time and through their own meanings, he just needed to be reassured of it. kinda pre season 2 ep 1 give ot take

- warning(s): really motherfucking angsty and swearing. mention of substance abuse

- wc: 2.2k :))))

a/n: all my fics the pogues and reader are the age 17/18 only because that's more comfortable for me to write. its been a long long time since i have wrote something so sorry for and spelling errors

People tend to deal with trauma differently. It could be resulting to crying you eyes out until you can’t breath and you can’t see through your tears clouding your eyes. Drinking until your liver wants to shut down and you whole body is so numb that yourself and everyone around you is so tuned out that you can’t function. Resulting to drugs to either feel something or not to feel anything at all. Or to have something to blame your actions on from yourself acting out simply because you don’t know how to handle the situation of a friend dying.

See you on the other hand dealt with it internally or the whim and feeling of not accepting death. Maybe it was your subconscious talking wanting you not to accept or maybe it was the gut feeling that you always got telling you that they were actually alive and have survived that storm that ‘supposedly’ had swept them away because “no body was found”.

This ‘gut feeling’ had always been right in many life or death situations. Or even just you picking out an outfit that you were unsure of whether it was going to get the boys attention that you had a crush on. It did indeed get his attention that night because that’s how you ended up loosing your virginity that night but that’s besides the point.

The best way you could describe it was like when people would do personality tests and it would ask “are you controlled by your heart or what you feel” probably not those exact words but you get the point. I felt with my feelings if my gut said yes then it was a yes.

Since the night that John B and Sarah had ‘died’ your gut had been telling you the opposite. That they were in fact not dead. As Big John use to say when you were a kid, you can never kill a Routledge. At the time it seemed like bullshit but now it was starting to grow on you.

However now your two friends were presumed dead and not everyone dealt with trauma like you did. Some would even go as far to say that you didn’t actually give a fuck that your friends were dead because you hadn’t cried or you hadn’t drunk yourself into a state of no return or resulted to smoking weed every single day and spray painted ‘murder’ on Ward Cameron’s estate. But at least Kiara wasn’t lying.

But the thing was you hadn’t cried because you couldn’t, you quite literally hated crying because it made you feel weak. Even if you tried and you tried your hardest but nothing came. At this point you could go as far as denial. This gut feeling was like getting hit by a semi truck every time a thought came into your head questioning maybe they were dead. Maybe they did get swept away at sea and never to return.

Your gut feeling was simply not letting you mourn the loss of John B and Sarah and now everyone thought you were an emotionless bitch. I mean they were right to a point but not the whole point.

So that brought you to current day driving around the Cut and night playing fucking real life Where’s Wally but its Where’s JJ Maybank because he’s blacked out drunk somewhere and now you’re on a rescue mission. Not like you had done enough of those in the last few weeks.

About an hour ago your phone rang and it was JJ asking you to come pick him up since somehow he had now idea where he had ended up and was too far gone to put together his surroundings. Well that’s what you had assumed he said since you had to decipher his slurred words.

At this point you had driven around the whole island and gone to every hid out spot that he would go smoke at or to just get away from everyday life. You had gone to all but one place. Where you avoiding that particular house because it held so many memories, plus the fact you hadn’t been near the place since shit hit rock bottom. Yes? But it was the highest chance that JJ was sitting on that dock with his legs swinging over it with a beer in hand.

Well you were right. As you walked down the old dock to where JJ was sitting it was if you could feel all the emotions, thoughts and disbelief crawling their way up your skin from the ground you were walking on. But that gut feeling was like a wave of fire, burning it all the way back to the ground.

“I don’t know why I just didn’t look here first. I should have known aye” you half heartedly said trying to keep the conversation light since you didn’t know what state JJ was going to be in. From the huff you got in response told you he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“How much have you had J?” You asked with concern but still trying to keep you voice light and less reprimanding because you knew he was in a too fragile state for you to be angry.

“Does it even matter how much Iv had. I don’t feel shit anymore” he replied back with his words straight forward and sobered.

“Well have you even given yourself a break for your body to sober up for you to even feel the effects of it? Or have you still been going since yesterday when I saw you? J its not going to do shit if you don’t give it a rest for at least a day or so” you said back trying you best to keep you and your voice as calm as possible. You fucking hated seeing JJ like this, you would never say it to his face but fuck it just reminded you of his dad when he got into states like this. Until the last week you had never seen JJ this bad. But could you blame him.

“You just don’t get it do you” JJ was now facing you and by the tone of his voice you had unintentionally struck a nerve that you were actively avoiding. “Why did you even fucking come if you’re just going to tell me how I should cope. Do you even care that JB has gone? He was our best fucking friend. He was my fucking brother my only family! And he’s fucking gone just like his old man. You haven’t even shed a tear y/n. You’re just acting like nothing had happened. Do you even care!” JJ was now on his feet breathing heavily and his jaw so clenched you’re surprised his teeth haven’t broken

“J, please do not yell at me right now” you asked with your voice shaking trying to hold back something that was bubbling at the surface. Was it anger or was it the water works that desperately needed to be let out.

JJ started to walk back up the dock, showing that he was done with this conversation that he could have avoided if he didn’t ask you in the first place to come pick him up. Deep down he knew that you would be the only one to come and get him, he just wasn’t as good at showing his gratefulness due to the alcohol that was numbing him.

“JJ just wait please, please don’t walk away” You stood back up and starting walking after him quick on the backs of his feet. He halted his tracks and turned around to look at you with a pained look in his face, as you got up close you could see his eyes stained red. Either from crying or the linger of weed still in his system.

“What could you possibly want to say y/n. I really thought you would be the last person not to care about this” JJ was now right up in your face and his voice was holding back trying his best not to yell. But that last sentence had taken you back.

“You think I don’t care JJ!” now you starting yelling “of course I give a shit JJ our friends are gone, they are not fucking here. I know it might not seem that I don’t care. But just because I’m not crying my eyes out every hour or drinking myself into a state where I don’t now where the fuck I am or getting high that I spray paint on any wall I see” your breath was now battling to come to the surface because you were talking so fast.

“Just because Im not doing any of those things doesn’t mean I don’t care JJ! People deal with this shit differently and you need to understand that” you breathed out trying to grasp for air again “the thing is JJ I have this annoying gut feeling thats telling me that John B and Sarah are not dead, and its literally preventing me to mourn them. I have convinced myself that they are alive and I can’t fucking mourn non dead people J. I don’t know how to fucking explain it”

“Well why didn’t you just tell us that” he replied after bit letting your whole rant sink into his brain, weaving its way through the alcohol that was clouding it.

“Because JJ! Even saying that out loud I sound fucking crazy, like I’m in a deep pit of denial. The thing is I’m far from denial. Yes I know there is a massive fucking fat chance that they are dead and have been food for the sharks” you exclaimed

“Don’t make it worse y/n” JJ shook his head not very happy with your choice of words

“Okay yeah sorry bad wording. Im sorry” you lowered your head in sorrow wanting to slap yourself in the face for trying to make jokes out of trauma.

“So its not that I don’t care J, trust me I do care. But John B and Sarah are not physically here with us and I cant physically care for them right now. But when we see them can do that”

“Y/n -“ JJ tried to get a word in but you hadn’t finished

“Don’t JJ. We will see them again” you put an emphasis on ‘will’ “I trust my gut and even you know that when I get a gut feeling that it’s always been right. Correct?”

“Yes but -“ he tried to get another word in but you needed him to listen.

“JJ I care about you. I care about Kiara and Pope. You guys are physically here for me to care for. The thing is I haven’t spoken to Kie since she’s with Pope half the time and I have spoken to Pope since he’s with Kid half the time and you? I can’t speak to you because your too far gone in beers to for me to even get a coherent conversation in” This was such an over due conversation to be had, you were now on the verge of hyperventilating. You needed JJ to hear this. Fully sober would have been better but half sober is the best you’re gonna get.

“JJ I understand if that’s how you’re going to deal with all of this but you can’t throw yourself completely away. We need you. I need you JJ. I can’t have you going off the deep end and then we loose you too. You need to be here for when we get John B back. He will need you for when he’s back”. The water works that you had been holding back had finally been released and trust it to be in front of JJ. He was your fucking rock, you couldn’t loose him. No way that would be your last day on earth if that were to happen.

“I-. Im sorry. I’m just so fucking lost y/n. I don’t know what the fuck to do. You’re always at work and Kie and Pope are god knows where. I just want this to go away so fucking bad. All this pain, I feel like I have no one” JJ was now crying to and gripping your waist as is you could float away into the air

“I know JJ, but you have us you have always had us. But you have to be so stubborn sometimes that you won’t let us in and help, you won’t let me in a help you” you had JJ’s face in your hands making him look at you so he knew you meant every single word. “I’m so sorry if you didn’t think I cared and I wasn’t there to help you, I just deal with this shit in a different way. Just like every single other person. We all heal differently and that’s okay. It dosent mean we care less. It doesn’t mean I care less”

Now there you and JJ stand on the dock leading off the chateau both in each others embrace purging the pain that’s both been locked up inside you for so long. The past you and JJ had people really didn’t tend to understand but neither did you. But you would always find your way back to each other at the end of the day. Despite the fights you had in the past and the days you would be at each others throats screaming at each other to the days you would be secretly stealing a glance at him because you just couldn’t help yourself.

You would always be there to help him take the pain away and he was always be there to do the same for you.