#now it will never leave you but that is also not its intended purpose. breaking the natural order mayhaps?

[mewnoroma]

Thinking about what type of fanfiction I'd like to write for Eigong, and I've been a little fixated on her roots. Like...I know she has them when she's mentoring Yi and Kuafu because of the latter's vital sanctum. And she gets more as that part of the story progresses...but like. How did she implement them to begin with? Did it hurt?

[chlorinecake]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐏’𝐒 𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐍 — a yandere jungwon fanfic

𖤣 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Jungwon forbid you from leaving the safe room while he was away at work, but your insatiable curiosities led you to discover secrets about his past that were better left unknown to you ~

𖥧 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: nudity, forced-ish kissing and touching, hickeys (?), abduction themes, swearing, mentions of guns and violence, slow burn, angst, not proofread ~

𖡼 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.7k ~ Previously and the next part

✎ note: In no way does this fanfic intend to romanticize unhealthy relationships or abusive behaviors. I write purely for entertainment and creative purposes. Reader discretion is advised. 

YOU LAID YOUR head down beside Jungwon to rest, your ears still ringing as a side effect from his earlier and repetitive gunfire.

Cradling the shotgun in his hands, you thought back to the way his feline eyes keened in on his desired target, the weapon going off with sharp bangs as the surrounding air shattered with its force.

Your entire skull trembled each time he fired the trigger, wooden debris flying from the collisions.

“Wanna give it a go?,” he asked with the faintest smirk on his face, somewhat amused by your startled demeanor.

Jungwon helped you position your legs according to proper form, almost hugging you from behind as he helped you support the heavy weapon in your arms. His warm breath feathered against your skin as he whispered, “Once you've locked in your target, ease your finger into the trigger and shoot.”

You remember taking a deep breath, pointing the lens at a tall wooden plank just as a baby blue bird flew into frame, the gun's red light highlighting the creature's tiny body.

You tried moving the weapon away, but Jungwon's strength persisted around you, keeping your arms in place with ease.

“Jungwon,” you said so quietly that he almost missed it, his hold on you being predatory enough to make you feel like the prey. A glint of moisture blurred your vision as the song bird tweeted softly to itself, looking right back at you.

“I want you to shoot it, ____,” he whispered in a dull voice as if what he'd just asked of you was completely normal.

“Jungwon, I... no, I... I can't,” you pleaded, his grip on you tightening.

“It'll probably die tomorrow in this weather, love. If you can't shoot a bird, how can I expect you to protect yourself when I'm gone?,” he reasoned with you before stepping away from you, the sun hiding shyly behind a cluster of clouds as if it were also fearful of the sight to come.

“Do it,” was the last sentence you heard right before the loudest gunshot yet clashed with the calm atmosphere, your eyes shutting completely tight as you felt your finger sink into the trigger, the little bird and his evening song never to be heard again.

You felt Jungwon's hands sneak around your waist as you laid under the covers, his warmth still radiating onto you as he spoke the words, “I'm so proud of you today, love,” and drifting fast to sleep.

THE NEXT MORNING came by quickly, the now recognizable scent of mixed herbs hitting your senses the moment you sat up on the bed.

Turning to your side, a cup of tea sat on the nightstand, a dainty yet old-fashioned brown paper bag sitting beside it.

“That's your breakfast, my love,” Jungwon said, breaking the silence. “I decided to stop by the café earlier and get some of those sandwiches you like. Hopefully they're still fresh,” he said from the corner of the room as he adjusted the collar of his freshly ironed shirt, admiring how sweet you looked upon waking up in his heart.

“Thank you, Jungwon, I really appreciate it,” you said with an almost natural smile, reaching for the cup of tea to take a small sip, “Is that why you got all dressed up?”

“No, actually... I have work today.”

Even though you and Jungwon had grown close with each other before took you to his garden, your prior conversations never answered the big question of what he did for a living.

“Oh... I understand that you've never told me this before, but I'm curious about what you do for work?,” you asked, looking into the warm and foggy green liquid that danced in your cup. He wasn't looking at you anymore anyway, so there wasn't a problem with you avoiding eye contact.

“Nice try, ____, but we made a deal yesterday, remember? No more questions till next week,” he smiled, finally looking your way now as he walked over to you, giving you a small hug. “I'll be back in a few hours, but you can always look out the window and do the 'sun test' I taught you. There's also lunch in the first drawer if you get hungry.”

He grabbed a chain connected to a set of keys from off the nightstand that you didn't even notice were there til now, his leather boots clicking with his footsteps as he walked away, looking back as if saying goodbye with his eyes before closing the door.

And just like that, you were completely alone, which didn't feel or seem as relieving as you wished it would.

It's not that you felt down about missing Jungwon's presence, though, it was more so that you knew today would be much longer than any other day you've spent on this secluded garden of secrets.

Even longer than the days you had spent outside under a bush, your vulnerable nakedness and the harsh forest conditions growing a stronger bond than your thirsted gums and grimy teeth.

Of all the things you had to be anxious about under such circumstances, “boredom” happened to be at the top of your list, compelling your hands to find the silver key Jungwon had so carelessly forgotten on the nightstand before he left.

Or was he testing me, you thought to yourself, observing the green string that hung from a hook in one of the key loop's.

The thought of the mysterious greenhouse suddenly dawned on you, and the memory of its glassy sage exterior captivated your mind for a second.

You remembered Jungwon's anxious demeanor as you brought it up to him, contemplating with your own logic and curiosity as to whether or not you'd give in to the voice that was pulling your feet to do the unthinkable.

The gravely forbidden.

You only had enough will power to fight the urges for a short hour before it became too much, your feet finding the cold bedroom floor as you held the key in your hand, wandering down the hallway and through the field of trees before making your way up the massive path that led to a grassy hill.

Precisely where the greenhouse sat.

Deep down in your foolish heart, you were fully aware of how senseless your actions were.

Even though you were currently suspect to many natural dangers that came with being in the wilderness whilst unarmed, the thought of Jungwon catching you right now was an even larger threat.

But somehow, you managed to climb up too far to turn back now.

Praying on the slim sliver of hope that Jungwon wouldn't come back early today, you took a deep breath, toying with the key in the lock for a few seconds before the door hinges gave in, the cold aura of the space greeting you as you stepped in to observe.

From first glance, it was an ordinary greenhouse, shelves of exotic plants lining most of the space and the gentle sun rays peeking through the domed ceiling.

Clink.

So stunned by the beauty of his indoor garden, your hip accidentally bumped into the mini wooden table standing beside a feminine mannequin, a black ink pen having fell on the floor and rolling away before you swiftly leaned down to pick it up.

You felt your heart thump in your chest like a drum, thinking of how easily that single pen could’ve given away that you’d been in here today.

Getting up, you went to place it back on the table before noticing a rough sketch tucked beneath a diary with Jungwon’s name engraved on it in hangul.

The sketch was of a dress, one ordained with elegant floral accents and delicate lace trimmings.

“Every flower ought to have petals,” whispered Jungwon’s voice in the back of your mind, warming your heart before sending shivers down your spine.

He was truly in love with you.

Dangerously, even.

You picked up the journal, not even considering what better-left-buried secrets could be hiding behind the black leather cover front.

Not even reasoning with logic anymore as you flipped past the first page, the sound of stiff, old paper crinkling the still silence.

And for the love of your damned curiosity.

Nothing intrigued you from the first few pages so you foolishly kept flipping, one by one until it became obvious that the diary was filled with unspoken love confessions you weren't meant to see, dated as far back as two years ago.

One entry in particular caught your attention, the opening line from April 11, last year, reading “Things weren't supposed to end this way.”

It appeared to be a letter to Jungwon himself, but at the same time, to another soul...

Or about another lover.

Your breath stalled in your chest, almost in denial of how quickly a new and much more horrific story was unfolding concerning the charming Yang Jungwon.

Your eyes scanned one last line before closing the diary, the note being from his most recent entry:

“To ____, my second chance... may we blossom harmoniously together.”

A series of numbers followed after that sentence, a red splotch of paint dotting a log of information you didn't quite understand at the time but the eery feeling you got was enough to let you know it couldn't have meant anything good.

Slam.

You closed the book, just as the sunlight outside began to dim with your emotions, the realization of how deep Jungwon's insanity ran wandering through your anxious mind, flowing as a dead river in a forsaken village, infecting every person foolish enough to come and drink of his stream.

You stumbled out of the greenhouse, running down the hill with your nightgown clutched in your fists, careful not to let the lower hem of your dress touch the earthy ground on your way.

Jungwon couldn't find out about this.

He couldn't know that you knew everything now.

You stopped to glance at the sun, noticing how it was just a few inches from meeting the peak between the two trees as he'd demonstrated to you before.

He was almost home, and it was beyond baffling that you'd even started to call this place that.

A home.

You finally made it back to the shed, your own lungs struggling to provide enough oxygen to fuel your limbs as you chugged the tea you'd forgotten to drink, plopping yourself on the bed with your hands holding your chest as the mere act of breathing became harder and harder.

Closing your eyes, you hoped that the darkness would somehow help you think of anything.

Anything else but the truth.

Whoever that girl was, you were certain that he'd killed her, and if you weren't careful moving forward, you could be next.

JUNGWON RETURNED FROM work on time, but it wasn't until about half an hour later that he made his way to your shared bedroom in the shed, an unreadable yet unmistakably dark look on his face the moment he saw you.

“How many more conversations must we have before my rules finally stick in your stupid little brain?” He asked in a stern voice, still wearing his work clothes, but his hair appeared different.

More disheveled... and sweaty.

“Jungwon, you just got back... Where is all of this coming from?” You inquired in the most polite voice you could muster, sitting up on the bed as your stomach felt five seconds from exploding.

Your mind was still a bit foggy because you'd just woke up, but you were still present enough to know you needed to choose your words wisely.

Did he found out? No, he couldn't have, you were barely even in there long enough to have messed up anything he'd notice.

“I need you to understand something, ____,” he said in a sharp voice, sitting beside you on the bed before continuing, “As long as you’re here with me, you’re no longer your own person. You’re mine. And that means no one else can have you. Not even yourself.”

“Jungwon, we talked about this-”

“And I agreed on one thing and one thing only… do you remember what that thing was?”

Your hands trembled in your lap as his words came out like darts, your mind too focused on fear to even keep up, “You’re not being fair-”

“Is it not beyond fair that I respect your wishes of keeping my hands to myself? Despite how crazy you make me feel?”

“I remember…. Wonie, and I appreciate your efforts to respect me,” you answered with a cracked voice as he caressed the side of your face with the back of his hand.

“And so do I,” he smiled, tilting his head at you, “but... you’re still afraid of me... aren’t you?”

You knew that Jungwon could be emotionally ambivalent at times, but you really couldn't figure out what had gotten into him today, and so suddenly.

You shook your head at his words, “Why would you even ask me something like that?”

“Because it’s true… I'm smart enough to know that.”

“Jungwon, please don't say tha-”

“God, here we go with your whining again,” he spat bitterly while shaking his head, “you’re pleading with me and I haven’t even threatened you... Just admit it! You’re fucking terrified of me-”

“I can't take this shit right now, Jungwon,” you interrupted him, immediately feeling your heart rate increase as you startled yourself with your own words.

Your own... honesty.

“I... I just… I didn’t mean to…,” you tried apologizing before he cut you off.

“No,” he said softly, getting off of the bed and kneeling before you, your words having touched a soft spot in his crooked mind, “Don’t stop, love... I want to hear what you have to say…”

Though, you’re not sure if the smile he wore was forced or not, it helped to soothe your nerves in an odd way. Jungwon’s behavior was always erratic like this. You never knew when to expect a switch in him, which is what always kept you on edge around him.

His hands massaged your ankles, the gentle yet sudden touches making you feel stiff.

“Please,” he nodded, coaxing you to proceed, despite how uncomfortably you felt with him touching you.

“Well… uhm… I was just…. I thought we were working on this... On us...,” you clarified, “...together.”

His heart lit up at your use of the word “us” as if it were a spark to the dull wick in his hardened heart.

“And we are, my love. But I must ask you to understand that you abide by my rules now,” he whispered, hands carefully inching up your calves as his thumbs drew circles in your skin, “can you trust my rules?”

You gulped at the question, fingers fumbling with each other as you forced yourself to say what he had to hear.

“I can try, Jungwon...”

“Good… and can you trust me?... Without trying?” He asked, hands halting their movements while awaiting your response.

“I…” your words got cut in your throat, part of you drifting off into a thinking that you actually could trust Jungwon. You felt like a foreign force was pressuring you to agree. Not his hands from the outside of you, but something within.

Was it the way he sat before you on his knees? The way his feline eyes stared back at yours, singing a sirenic song to your heart? Was it something in the tea you finished earlier-

“Speak up, love,” He pressed, somehow maintaining patience with you.

“I can… I trust you,” you said, looking in your lap before meeting his eyes again, which glimmered like honey.

Natures fluorescent sweetness.

“Then… can you trust me to kiss you?” He asked, voice almost inaudible given how quietly he spoke. Before you even gave an answer, you felt his warm breath ghost over your knee, looking back at you with seduction in his eyes.

He hummed in satisfaction at your submission, sealing the space between him and your knee with a kiss, his lips soft and wet as you felt the kisses travel, your gown being lifted up over your thighs as he left pecks along the inside of them, sucking slightly as if to taste you.

Your hands found his head, trying to push him away as his kisses turned into pinches, but he pushed your abdomen down, your back meeting the bed as his hands hooked beneath your knees, spreading you open for him.

“Wonie~,” you whined out, arching your back as you felt his warmth approach your clothed core, his lips kissing your sensitive spot before you whined out again. “That’s enough, please,” you said with an exhausted breath, chest heaving with emotions you couldn't even put a finger on.

He looked up to you, face embarrassingly flushed as his lustful demeanor softened into a smile, “Was I not good for you, love?”

“No, it was fine, Jungwon, I just… I had enough,” you answered with a breathy voice, the wetness from his lips still ever-present on your skin as you struggled to look him in the eye.

His sexual advances were starting to escalate by the day, and it was only a matter of time before he took the very last thing he treasured about you most:

Your purity.

“Okay, my love,” he said, pulling your gown back down and standing up, “maybe next time I can do better than fine.”

Fuck.

You simply nodded at his words, trying to calm your breathing as your cheeks grew as hot as the sun. Jungwon walked towards the door, looking back at you one last time.

“And by the way, next time you try sneaking out while I'm gone without my permission, make sure to lock the door back so I don't find out,” he said, all of that with a devious smile on his face as he closed the door, leaving you alone before going off to prepare your dinner a few rooms away from you.

☆ Thank you all so much for reading this piece! I still feel really guilty about taking so long with this update, but hopefully y'all enjoyed it !!

☆ taglist: @squoxle @ashgonedash @yourmomscuntis2tighy @03sunoos @kaykay11sworld @gigiramirezsblog @hoonsyo @en-thralled  @night-en-shining-armor @cutiejseong @j-wyoung @nikisdubblchococake @bambangan @wonbyf @4imhry @zhangyi-johee  @valhrts @lisaaannna @lovelycassy @addictedtohobi @gardenwons @nikipedia07 @tubatusoobs @03sunoos @clarisabutterfliescupcake @yevene @heecries @rosiemiayyxy @jungwonieee @edgykoo @luvmlkw @idkhoomanmaybe @sunsinmyskies @guessm0del (still didn't forget abt that collab you wanted to do if you're still interested btw) @ayadikreino @destairea @jakehooni @jjungwonss @nikilvr @jays-property @moonchus @angelicjungwon @wonniesdoll @rosiemiayyxy @rinirumi @noviadebeomgyu @pochacco-o @hapeynaaa @ikngh @maspire @mamuljji @hnnhj @legendarycowboywinnerlawyer @enhypenlovre @stxrboyjae @f4irynono @03sunoos @itwasrem @laurradoesloveu @lalalalovelalalasworld @honestimage @ro-0327 @stwberrykooki @heelvrr @wonbinisbabygurl @jungwonloveer @jungwonsmybf @kayoiw @lovelycassy @mrswolfhard3

[jmdbjk]

This is our show.

SPOILERS...

I am in a feverish covid haze... my first time... its yucky. But I think I'm on the backside of it now.

I needed to throw out my two cents on today's Are You Sure? Episode 4 before I go take another nap (seventh since yesterday)

First: Naked. Jimin strutted out to the pool, got in and was promptly warned by JK to cool it, the pool has a window where everyone can see and they both glance at the staff who are off camera... I'm not making this up.

NAKED. NAKED. NAKED.

Staff who bought those swim trunks probably short-circuited when they thought we'd be seeing wayyyyyy more of Jimin-ssi than intended.

MORE NAKED...

My mild ataxophobia was triggered when I saw the entrance of the cafe that's been famous since last Chuseok. I know it has its "charms" and the space probably serves several purposes as I see a sewing machine back there, its possible the owner lives there too. But the clutter made my brain glitch:

More naked...also for you pit hair enthusiasts:

A minor dramatic subplot for this episode: RIP Drone Camera:

Jungkook recording more of the memories that will carry them through this time of military service:

And Jimin right there with him while he does it...

And this laughing, giggling... so carefree... it will put smiles on their faces whenever they look at these pics and videos on their phones.

We unlocked a new subunit name:

Other thoughts: this episode returned to a more laid-back vibe. Laid back for them. Not for us. The naked has all of us ogling, pausing, rewinding, comparing what mother nature gave them, nipple size, basically going crazy. Oh? That's just me? Okay. Never mind.

Jimin was feeling good and fully engaged and it showed.

It picks up with them leaving the wall climbing/kart racing place and they drive to an omakase restaurant. It is a style of Japanese restaurant where the chef chooses what you will eat.

Tae understood that his presence really wasn't part of the concept of what Jimin and Jungkook were doing with this project and he did seem to respect that a little bit more as time went on.

Jimin can definitely handle Tae, he set him straight a few times in this episode, just like he did in the last one.

Jimin and Jungkook really do sleep together. There was no reason for them to share a bed for as long as they did in this episode, there was another completely fine empty bed in the room. They made jokes about hitting each other in their sleep, which correlates with their banter during JK's naked-in-bed live after the Connecticut trip.

Anyway, its time for another nap for me. Carry on. Try not to break the pause/rewind buttons on your keyboard...

[rottenpumpkin13]

what if sephiroth had a child? maybe because hojo wanted to test if sephiroth's modified genes would pass on to the child. and what do you think would happen to the child after nibelheim?

Sephiroth's reaction to the revelation that he has involuntarily fathered a child is one of visceral rage. The sheer audacity of Hojo's brazen manipulation of his autonomy ignites a fury that is both immediate and uncontainable. This anger is not just for himself but also for his child that's now trapped in a lab, a mere specimen bred by Hojo for unspeakable purposes just as he once was. The thought of his child, his family, enduring the same remorseless torment he faced as a child is intolerable.

This moment rewires Sephiroth's brain entirely, causing all his previous convictions to crumble and for his priorities to shift. He makes a bold decision for the good of the small family unit he has now and leaves Shinra behind, fleeing with his child. Only Angeal and Genesis know where they are, and Sephiroth outright refuses their help.

Sephiroth is a dedicated parent and determined to offer his child a better life than the one Hojo gave him, despite him not having any experience with raising children. He does his research, has his moments where he's unsure if he's even capable of being a competent parent, but ultimately gives his child the unconditional love and support that he never had.

But the events surrounding Genesis and Angeal unfold whether Sephiroth is there or not. Genesis' degradation continues, leading him to desert, while Angeal meets his tragic end just as he would have. Sephiroth is no part of this, and while he mourns Angeal and wishes he could help Genesis, he focuses on his family.

Eventually Sephiroth decides to move to Nibelheim, because fate is persistent. He has no idea that this is the place he was born, nor did he know that he'd meet Zack once again during one if his missions. He hadn't even expected to see Genesis again, and feels guilty when he sees how the degradation has taken its toll on him.

Sephiroth would be more than willing to help, but Genesis' poor phrasing coupled with the way he drops a bomb on Sephiroth makes it so that Sephiroth never wants to see him again.

He drops his child off with Zack, finds the library, and the rest proceeds as it would, with the Nibelheim fire and Sephiroth's death. Except, years later when Zack breaks himself and Cloud out of Hojo's lab, he can't leave Sephiroth's kid behind, not with Hojo.

So Zack flees with Cloud and Sephiroth's child. Their escape is, regrettably, short-lived as Zack is ultimately killed. And now all Sephiroth's child has in this world is Cloud. Just the two of them.

Cloud stumbles into Midgar just as he would have if the fates had remained unchanged, except in this AU he has Sephiroth's kid clinging to his hand, placing all their trust in him.

Neither of them know that death rejected Sephiroth, who's watching them and intends to have his child back.

[cerastes]

How do you rate the gacha booty shooter?

NIKKE sure is a game! It's the funnest mixed bag I've played lately. As a side game, it's been pretty good, because it's good at what it does good, and not terrible at its weak points, leaving you with a pretty "Ok :)" feeling overall.

So what's up with Nikke? Yeah, let's have a talk about that so I can explain a bit by what I mean with "fun mixed bag".

Nikke's setting is the same old tired, you've seen it a million times: Once day, humanity was almost decimated by a mysterious enemy that came out of nowhere... We call it... The Enemy! They were simply too strong, so humanity had to deploy its strongest weapons: Anime Girls. And you are the lucky Authority Figure that commands the Anime Girls to defeat The Enemy! But... The Enemy and Anime Girls have more in common than it seems...!?

Replace "The Enemy" with "Rapture", "Anime Girl" with "Nikke", Authority Figure with... Technically "Commander" but more on this in a bit, and you've got Nikke. In other words, the game's setting and premise are just a few word swaps away from being Punishing Gray Raven, Snowbreak, and a bunch of other properties. But here's the thing: Whereas Punishing Gray Raven tells you its story with all the charm and pizzazz of a Wikipedia article, and Snowbreak... Uh, stands there staring at a wall Blair Witch style because nothing ever fucking happens in Snowbreak, Nikke actually has good moment to moment flow. Allow me to elaborate.

Read More break here because I wrote a lot more than I intended:

Nikke has probably the dumbest premise to open with: The Nikkes are basically superpowered cyborg girls (war machines with human brains) that look like supermodels on purpose because they were created, in the game's own words, "with the ideal form in mind". That's all a wordy way of saying they are super hot girls with very powerful guns and superhuman physical capabilities. The dumb part is that Nikkes are treated like absolute shit in-universe by humans. You're telling me humanity is making cyborgs -- not even full on robots or AI, these are straight up people getting turned into weapons -- that are hot as fuck and have tits bigger than my head and asses that could crush cars under their sheer heft and then decided to hate them and treat them like shit, and also these cyborgs are the ones actually keeping humanity alive? Well yeah we need a reason for the Main Character (you!) to be Special and bond with them, so your thing is that You Don't Treat Nikkes Like Shit. In fact, you care for them.

Now, this is all absolutely fucking stupid, but then, the game sort of... Realizes how stupid it is? And some may say "this was always the plan" but to me personally it feels like they kinda realized how god damn stupid this all was as a premise, and they started veering the car mid-trip because for a while this all feels REALLY sincere, not in a foreshadowing way, but then you have some developments such as "no yeah, Commanders are a dime a dozen, are brainwashed into seeing Nikkes as walking garbage and that they'll be heroes, risk their lives for pennies and are extremely expendable", and there's also what I consider a really good and consistent thing the game has done: Nikkes were always a desperate last minute rushed product as a concept, so the safety measures in place so that they don't rebel against humans were never perfect.

This is what I mean by the moment to moment being good: The plot is absolutely whatever, the setting is something you've seen a million times, but the actual scene by scene, beat by beat, is fun. On the micro level, the game knows how to be entertaining and interesting, and when they expand these micro nuggets of gold to a macro level of writing, it's when they end up with their best bits of narrative and world building. I want to use two examples about the whole safety measures thing: Crow and Rose.

Crow is a Nikke that hates humans and is part of a squad of known dangerous elements that Missilis, the most irresponsible of the Big Three companies, is responsible for. This squad is Exotic, and Exotic works with you (your squad is named Counters) on this one mid-game chapter. The thing is, they never really intended to work with you, and Crow wanted you dead because Crow wants to spark a Human Vs Nikke conflict in the Ark (humanity's last big home), because you might quell the hostility between both sides. But, Nikkes can't intentionally kill humans (accidents happen and a Nikke may be ordered to subdue a human, but they are hardwired to not be able to shoot at them or kill them). So, how does Crow go about it when she betrays you? She has her squadmate Jackal plant a steel plate on the ground, and then shoots the plate in a way that the bullet ricochets and hits you. NIMPH, what's used to, among many other things, make sure Nikkes can't turn on humans, was so, so easily circumvented, and this is consistent with what we've been told about the Ark and Nikke in universe development in general: It's sloppy, it's lazy, it's not good. Rose, the other example, is a Nikke from a flashback story around a hundred of years before the start of the game. Rose was a prototype Nikke that was geared for melee combat instead of ranged combat, as all Nikkes are, and she was one of ten such units. Basically, Rose realized that their human Commander was intentionally trying to get them killed until one remained, which would be deemed the success of the line in Darwinian fashion. Rose got so immensely, justifiably angry at this that she plotted to kill the Commander. How can she do this, though, with the NIMPH that prevents her from doing so? Well, Rose was an actual swordmaster, and what she did was wear a blindfold, convince herself that what she was slicing was not a human, but a Rapture, and then she easily killed the shit out of him, unimpeded by her system. The NIMPH, end of the day, is sloppily made, highly dependent on the mental state of the Nikke, and easily circumvented. This is a very important plot point throughout the story, and the way they show this in multiple ways is really good.

Another thing I like is how the game goes about the player's title. It's technically "Commander" but the truth is, most every single Nikke calls you a different way relative to your relationship with them or their impression of you. Rapi and Anis some of the few that call you Commander, because they are in fact your subordinates, but Rapi says "Shikikan" while Anis says "Shikikan-sama" in a sarcastic way initially and after a while in an affectionately playful way, Neon calls you "Master" (Shishou) because she likes the way you use firepower, Liter calls you "Greenhorn" because you are, well, that in her eyes, Moran calls you "Partner" (Ototou, "little brother" in Japanese) because she's the head of a crime syndicate and she considers you as a cool person under her protection, the sports inclined ones call you "Coach", the school themed ones "Teacher", Viper, the flirty one, "Honey" or "Darling" depending on the scene, and so on, the old timey Scarlet calls you "My Lord", the religious Rapunzel uses "Believer", and the coarse, rough around the edges Snow White just uses "You" (Omae). It's a great touch that I like when it's done.

So, basically, you have a charming combination of a setting that's been overdone infinite times with plot beats that vary between legitimately good (the NIMPH and its logistics) and legitimately bad (Whatever the fuck Chapter 18 was, to name one case), and moment to moment that's really charming and entertaining.

The gameplay is honestly extremely unbalanced, and the sheer disparity in strength between units of the same rarity makes you wonder if they have anyone in the team that actually cares about balance, but honestly, putting the issues of balance aside? It's fun to point at stuff and shoot a million bullets and rockets, and they even get pretty creative with the fights sometimes in terms of enemy types and how they use them against you, so gameplay balance is awful, gameplay itself is suprisingly good for how simple it is.

I know people are going to be like "Dreamer, You Didn't Even Rate The Asses" so okay here:

First of all, the ergonomically perfect ass of the VIXEN that lured me into the game in a moment of weakness, Scarlet:

And next up, the Clothed But Massive Ass of Snow White

In fact, I appreciate the variety, because if it was just bare cheeks and panty shots, it'd be kinda whatever to me, but bodysuit ass and clothed but noticeably huge ass? Fresh, to be honest.

Also notable is that progress in entirely gated by passive production of resources and daily stuff because there's no stamina system. Bold!

But yeah feel free to ask more specific questions, but this is pretty much how I've felt about it.

[stickthisbig]

I was in a mood about how being a broke kid never actually leaves you and despite the fact I'm almost 40, I still deal with behaviors that stem directly from that, but then it got depressing, so this is my technique for making berries last longer/prepping them for freezing:

Buy them cheap in bulk when they're on sale. Kroger's got them for $7/3 packs right now, which is right about the price point I want them for. These are probably going to be pretty long in the tooth, so plan to prep them right away. You can also do this with stone fruit (peaches, plums, etc).

Wash the berries right away, then cut off any nasty bits. If there is any mold at all, throw the whole berry away, do not try to save it. If it's just that they're bruised or a little withered, those are salvageable. You don't have to look at them and you don't have to feel the slightly unpleasant squish; it'll be cooked. For strawberries, give them a rough chop at this point. If it makes you feel better, rinse them again.

Transfer to a small saucepan. You absolutely do not want to be able to see the bottom of the pan. If they're pretty juicy, you can just let them go, but if they're drier (blueberries), start by adding about 1/4-1/2 cup water. You also need to add sugar at this point. You want regular white sugar. Add 1-2 tablespoons now.

At this point if you want any additions, here they go. Orange flower water can add flavor; you can also use lemon or lime juice (helps preserve color) or citrus zest (remove before packing). With strawberries, I find that a splash of gin really opens up the flavor, but that's optional. Remember that you can always put stuff in later, but you can't take stuff out.

Cook the berries, covered, on the stove over low heat. It takes way longer than you think, so add water if they're not breaking down into a sauce. I usually do 20 minute intervals. Anything in a small saucepan can bubble over really quickly, so don't go out of earshot. If you intend to freeze them for smoothies, cook them for less time; if you want to make a desert sauce, cook them for longer.

Cook them until your heart says that they're done. I cannot make that call for you. Please know that firmer berries just won't break down. If you want a smooth blueberry sauce, it's more steps.

Once the berries are at the consistency you want, it's time for the coating the back of a spoon test. If you've never done this, take a room temperature metal spoon and swirl it around (you should have a lot of liquid at this point). Pull it out, wait a few seconds, then draw a line across the spoon with the pad of your finger. If that line remains there, congrats, you're done. If it's too wet, turn up the heat, push the berries to the sides of the pan to reveal as much of the juice as possible, and add sugar a teaspoon at a time to create a reduction.

Remove the berries from the heat and let them rest until cool. If you want a smooth pureed sauce, drop them into a food processor, with the optional step of straining out the solids afterwards. If you want a fruit preparation that's good for dropping into yogurt, oatmeal, etc, put it in a tupperware and stick it in the fridge. If you want it frozen so you can put it straight into a blender, put it in a, and I cannot stress this enough, cheap tupperware and whack it in the freezer.

Is all this worth it? I'm paying $2.33 for 16 oz of fresh blueberries and a 16 oz bag of frozen blueberries is $4.99, so, unequivocally yes, even if the fresh berries are regular price ($3.29). Once you know this technique, it's maybe 20 minutes to set it up if you have just the worst berries, then it's something you just leave on the stove to do its thing. You also know exactly what's in it, unlike any jarred fruit sauce you're gonna buy. I don't typically mix kinds of berries if I'm starting from fruit I bought for purpose? But I often do if it's just that I looked in my fridge and went "shit, those berries were so expensive and they're gonna go off."

Please use this knowledge for your berry purposes. Couple scoops of frozen berries, couple tablespoons of yogurt, drizzle of honey, splash of milk, a little ice, optional protein powder, blend it up and you've got a treat.

[n-odious-tropy]

Hello Odious!

I just wanted to thank you for the lemon-fact request you made, and I thought I should send something in return! I hear you work a lot with dimensions and time... What is that like? Do you go to ancient Greece before lunch, then another dimension's Jupiter in the afternoon? Sorry, I am letting my imagination run wild, haha! I didn't even know things like that were possible. But I'm really curious, what does you day look like as a "time doctor"?

Regards, Candido 🍋

Ah, Candido. This little exchange is a pleasant surprise. I hadn't expected to hear from you. I was just intrigued by your little facts about lemons you posted. I've never cared much for fruit before, but seeing your genuine interest in the topic had piqued my own and so I was eagerly awaiting the next installment. If you've any more to offer, then I would enjoy hearing them.

But you haven't asked about that in particular. Now onto the point.

I... wouldn't so much say time as I would dimensions specifically. The other versions of myself are more concerned with time travel than I; Interdimensional travel has always been my passion even before I knew of its existence. I used to be no better than a fool, chasing that dream like I was on novocaine, resolving to leave the world in which I existed one way...or another.

I consider myself a physicist first and foremost, having studied both quantum and metaphysics for the purposes of achieving what I once thought impossible. I've dabbled in engineering, but moreover as a means to an end rather than getting the degree itself. I don't believe I can add that to my resume as it's just shy of a formal education. Call it amateur work if you will. I put interdimensional travel at the forefront of my general research, but it's not as if I couldn't time travel; it does involve a similar process of molecular manipulation. I can't say that I haven't thought about it either but the idea is... frightening to me to say the least. All my theories point to the idea that time travel only results in split timelines every time without fail. Even if unintentional, every time I attempted, my presence alone would cause a split as I was never intended to exist at the given moment. You can manipulate the molecular energy necessary to visit such a frame time, but moving forward would put them far off their initial trajectory. Imagine if you will a raffle. Our current timeline is the "winner" of the raffle. Now see you can redo the raffle as many times as you like, but there will almost always be a different outcome, a different "winner" and you cannot undo the results of the previous raffle, only proclaim new "winners". If I were to go back, I could experience the result of every raffle, but not you. You would be none the wiser. I am unable to change the trajectory of the current timeline, only create new ones. I've made peace with the one I currently exist in, so I have little desire to test this theory. What's done is done, and I'm unwilling to cause an upset in the balance of the universe by creating new timelines on no more than a whim. Perhaps if I were a little more self absorbed, much like my counterparts.

But here's the rub, Candido. There is also an issue with the endeavor of interdimensional travel. Everything exists. In the same time, in the same place, but on a different frequency, on a different plane of molecular energy entirely. We cannot see them, but every instance of Deja Vu you've ever felt, you've experienced at the same exact time as another version of yourself. For a moment in the infinite universe, there was a brief alignment. We were never meant to cross that barrier, only exist parallel to one another. When we break that barrier and emerge on the other side, there is a brief displacement. The results of this displacement of molecular energy are varied and have largely gone unstudied to my knowledge, but I fear each displacement only further contributes to the inevitable heat death of the universe, which will result in hastening a total reset when the overall level of entropy hits its maximum. Think of a new big bang.

So I apologize if I fall short of your flights of fancy, but much of my time is spent on research and theory before putting anything into practice. The truth is my line of work is riddled with anxiety over the potential for disaster.

...At times I become so entangled in theory that I often forget to put it into practice. But I suppose much of that can be attributed to my own accident. The fear of failure is paralyzing.

But, aside from that, I have been engaging in a healthy amount of testing and maintenance lately to ensure that the rift generator remains stable. I...may have forgotten my own anxieties briefly in an attempt to stock up for the oncoming war and it's reminded me just how lovely travel can be. I found a planet recently that seems rather peaceful. Very lavender colored, tall grass, a sea of green, and a large red sun. The inhabitants almost seem to resemble lagomorphs. Strange, isn't it? Now I could easily sit here talking about this for hours straight but maybe one day, if I can earn my confidence back, I can show you just what I mean. The sights that are yet to be beholden, the experiences to be had one would have never thought possible.

Reminds me why I even started in the first place.

[geminid]

just a bit of a rant about being a fan i guess

the idea for my artbook was smth i put together as long ago as 2018 and actually back then it was intended to be sort of my departure from the FE fandom as a lot of ppl i’d known since the start of the fates fandom in 2016 were also moving on and i wasn’t having the best time in the fandom. In true cringe comedy, I’m still here though, and superbright is becoming a real thing and I’ve thought a lot about it serving its original intended purpose: my last hurrah in this fandom. 

truth is, i still love leokumi. i still have comic ideas and AUs and art concepts i wasnt originally skilled enough to do before but could now. i also rly enjoyed engage and i want to draw more fanwork for it too. and i wish this felt like enough i guess? that i love smth and want to draw it? because it was enough for a long while? but now im just lost because honestly ive had a miserable time in this fandom and all that misery is catching up to me. ive probably gotten worse as a person thanks to fire emblem fandom because i used to actually tweet on main and try to make friends and now all i’m capable of doing is hiding and keeping things to myself. i cant make connections and i can only be quiet because i led myself to believe that this was the only way to protect myself from everyone else (and it rly never worked bc id still regularly get stupid and rude comments on my posts). i cant bring myself to bug people who arent into my ships with my ship content either so i just have to. exist with them i guess. exist quietly. churn out art once in a while i guess. simply being and not much else. 

i want to try to fix this though like. should i take a break? let everyone forget i existed? should i remake my accounts and take the gamble that a lot of my “mutuals-but-not-really-friends-yet-im-trying-tho” won’t follow me to my new account? what do i do with any art i make in the meantime since art is my main hobby and theres no way im not drawing? do i try to leave the fandom even though all of this could happen all over again somewhere else? what would you do in this situation? i cant seem to figure anything out besides that im miserable and i think it sucks that this is the result of what should have been 7 years of my love and dedication for a video game. 

anyway this isnt smth i can burden an individual with so its typed out here to burden everyone equally. did anyone else read the alcry*t forging bonds where leo says he can use brynhildr to turn lcryst to slime. i wish i were reduced to slime. no more neck pain on account of having no neck and i would be cute like those dragon quest guys 

[taikk0]

i dont think anon was referring to sps simple style, sp is a pretty controversial show. from what i've seen, it seems pretty bigoted? i could be wrong. sorry if this ask is rude, i don't mean to be rude, but yeah i think that's what anon meant

Oh no, not rude at all!! Sorry you have to apologize my response to that anon was a lot more srs than I intended I just wanted to get my point across, I'm all for open discussions :] to answer the bigoted question, I wouldn't entirely say no. but I can say that South Park was not made to make fun of minorities and spread harmful messages. The show presents bigoted behavior from the antagonists who are too stupid to realize they're wrong, it's up to you as the audience to realize that what they are the antagonists and that their actions should not be justified and supported. And even then, there are characters who outwardly speak out and work to fight against said bigots in the episodes they're in. However, the show also relies on shock humor. And this is a criticism on the fans part, but they really gotta stop saying "why are you surprised? It's South Park" as if being surprised over something gross or offensive wasn't the point in the first place. The ridiculous shit in the show isn't supposed to be normalized!! It's supposed to be absolutely ridiculous to the audience and catch them off guard!! You're not supposed to get used to it!! You're not supposed to like it, but you're not supposed to read too deep in it either, breaking down why it's wrong and why you found it shocking and why this is SUPER PROBLEMATIC!! Isn't the point. You just gotta acknowledge that "oh that's fucked up I cant believe they did that, that is so wrong" and just sit in shock for a bit and move on. Like, you can't tear the show apart for one joke when its purpose was for you to realize it's supposed to be ridiculous and wrong at the same time, and the show itself being aware of that fact. A lot of the offensive material circulating around on why South Park is bad lacks context. Cartman and Butters dressing up as chinese stereotypes? They are at a normal Chinese restaurant, harassing a Chinese family because they're idiots who believe that china will overthrow the world, they are asked to leave. Ike in a relationship with his teacher? Ike is a victim of a grooming that is not taken seriously by the police because the predator was a woman, portraying how male victims situations are overlooked in real life, the teacher dies in the end. Randy saying the N-word on live television? He is ridiculed and seen as a total asshole, he gets called "N-word guy" by the people around him and retaliates by making it illegal to call him that name, a satirical role reversal portraying the hypocrisy and sensitivity of white people (oppressors) where they make the "slur" against them illegal but not the slurs against the people they have oppressed for years.

But even after all this, I can see that there are other examples that I can't, and I am not willing to justify. At the end of the day, we all have to acknowledge that South Park was made by two cishet white men. (this was why I said I can't entirely say no) Their opinions will not always be right, and I'm sick of fans trying to justify some of their episodes and jokes just because they like South Park, South Park is not one of those shows you want to ride or die on. I personally have a few jokes and episodes I dislike and will absolutely never watch again, but that is not my main focus. Discrimination is not my draw, and I don't think that's the show's either. Now we're going out to discussion territory and more of personal opinion. I personally enjoy South Park because I feel very drawn to the characters and I find their character driven adventures and antics to be really entertaining. I don't care much for the social commentary. Not that I completely ignore it, it's just something I acknowledge is important in some episode's narratives, but not something I pay too close attention to.

I don't think I watch South Park for the intended reasons, and I don't think most of the fans over here on Tumblr do either. I can admit that I enjoy a version of South Park that isn't technically South Park entirely. I enjoy South Park for what it isn't, and that is a situational comedy with four little guys getting into all sorts of trouble <3

And the funny thing about this whole post is that I used to be a South Park hater.

I thought it was just a bigoted show where the only jokes it had were slurs and children saying fuck, right before I actually gave it a chance and was surprised to find out that it was more than I thought it was, and that I actually somehow enjoyed it.

It's kinda crazy to me that I'm technically defending SOUTH PARK of all things right now.

But uh yeah, I like South Park, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, and I ended up hyperfixating on it. I'm not here to change anyone's mind and make them watch South Park because "it's ACTUALLY spotless and politically correct all the time, you're just sensitive ☝🤓" People are right to label South Park as controversial, and people are right to be offended by it when it's making fun of something it doesn't understand or without the proper nuance, and people are allowed to discuss and criticize the show for it. With all that said, The show is not emblematic of its own fans, and some of its own fans need to stop looking up to it like it's the bible.

Matt and Trey can be wrong, and even fans like me who enjoy it aren't too dumb and ignorant to recognize and rightfully not be in support of certain aspects of it when a line is being crossed.

This whole thing was supposed to end right after I attached the photo of the characters, but then I just decided to write more and so I puked this extra fluff out, sorry about that lol

[astrology-with-charu]

𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐅𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝟒º𝟓𝟏’ (𝟐𝟕 𝐍𝐨𝐯 - 𝟏𝟐 𝐃𝐞𝐜)

Gemini full moon at degree of “desire to reach beyond established forms” inflicted by Mars Saturn square is like driving a race car with breaks on. It’s frustrating & we resent the caution as we itch to move fast.

It doesn’t help that ruler of this full moon - Mercury is in a turkey stupor with a confused mind, low immunity & possibly a flu or stewing in self inflicted mental inferiority torture chamber. Neptune while helping us blur the boundaries so we can color outside the lines - is also making us procrastinate in vulnerability.

Gemini full moon aren’t known for explosions of emotional anger or repressed feelings - May be verbal diarrhoea to be entertaining but not compulsively contrarian. We seem to be compulsively contrarians right now & it’s not funny or entertaining or well contained!

Reminds me of slime - not the dirty kind, the play kind. It has no purpose but to probably let one know some things can exist outside a defined container. Looks yucky to observer but entertaining to owner

We explode into formlessness…

Playful slime as it tries to reflect a child’s brain evolution is surely reprimanded shortly by Saturn as it despises the glitter on the wooden floors which would probably never get out & makes once formally set house look like a semi playground of a creator with no clue of end result

“Rules control the Fun!” Saturn is the apex of this T-Squared full moon.

A t-squared full moon comes with conflicting choices - normally we duck to make the choice but Saturn leaves no room to duck out.

To avoid making this choice we could color our hair & join the revolution blowing up whole world into a goo of our colorful slime or repress telling anyone what we intend to do & withdraw totally where no one can question our playful slime.

Saturn would like us to get hold of this bipolar full moon & make it hunker down to have some good old slime making rules. No hardwood no upholstery for example (true story!) Yet some formally allocated time to color outside the lines & a tangible outcome ?

We would retrace these steps again as these are not final decisions as Mercury will walk these degrees again as it goes retrograde on 13 Dec. Rethinking, deciding again, making rules, resenting the boundaries, being compulsively contrarian again as Neptune makes the year end fog thicker as it dawns on us by going direct on 6th & strongly debilitating our ability to act & think decisively. Health and immunity also become a key topic.

Expect less of you, expect less of the moment, expect less of playtime as slime is not the outcome its the process.

It’s there to stimulate the senses we would normally suppress or ignore. It’s calming, it’s grounding, its formlessness surprisingly brings us back in current moment instead of future anxiety. It’s teaching us how some unlikely ingredients can come together to make a new thing that didn’t exist before.

Gemini slime is never made alone.

Social elements as much as conflicting, as messy, as seemingly a time waste or frivolous can come together & stimulate a part of us that we ignore or suppress making us alive to current moment. Just because you cannot name your madness, doesnt mean you have to live it alone. The thing you might judge in you - might be inspiring to another as you try to color outside the boundaries of sanity. And to those it doesn’t they would help create the friction which would help yield usefulness out of this process of self discovery…

Either ways there is no need to hide your colorfully frustrating formlessness as everyone is dying to experience something original. The something original you are probably calling your madness…

Much ❤️

#astrology #horoscope #fullmoon #geminimoon

[psalmonesermons]

The miracle of the new birth

Jesus explains it to Nicodemus

We are reading from the Gospel of John chapter 3

3:1-2 There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews:2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that you do, except God be with him.

This important man was probably part of the rich and powerful Gurion family. His name was Nicodemus, and he was highly influential Pharisee and religious leader you could say a top man in Israel. Nicodemus addresses Jesus with respect calling him ‘Rabbi or teacher’. Nicodemus thinks that because of the miracles Jesus had performed that God must be with him.

3:3 Jesus anticipates Nicodemus direction of conversation but cuts straight to the chase by saying ‘unless a man is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

Jesus is telling Nicodemus and in a sense all mankind that a second birth is necessary to enter all God’s ways , purposes, and blessings here on earth. The natural birth gives us the 5 senses and the second birth opens our spiritual senses of hearing, seeing, and sensing the things of God.

Without the new spiritual senses how can anyone experience the joys of God’s kingdom or God’s rule in our lives?

3:4 Nicodemus replies Jesus ‘How can a man be born when he is old, can he enter the second time into his mother’s womb and be born’? The idea here is that Nicodemus is saying to Jesus surely you are not suggesting a second physical birth!

3:5 Jesus answered Truly, truly , I tell you that ‘Unless a man be born of water [1] and of the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God’. This means each person who is born in a natural biological and physical birth must also experience a second supernatural spiritual birth as to enable them to enter all the joy and blessings of life in God’s kingdom.

3:6 Jesus now describes the rules of natural and spiritual generation, that which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Jesus is saying that the sinful human nature (the flesh) transmits its fallenness to each baby born through natural childbirth. However, the new spiritual nature can only be transmitted to a person by the Holy Spirit.

3:7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. Jesus tells the puzzled Nicodemus, do not be amazed, or surprised or begin to wonder why it is that (Jesus insists) that he must be born again (born anew). As a religious leader Nicodemus was well acquainted with salvation through keeping the torah yet this person Jesus was clearly saying that it was mandatory to be born again to be able to enter God’s kingdom. Something had to happen via the Holy Spirit working on Nicodemus’ heart so that his eyes could open to the Kingdom of God.

3:8 The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but canst you cannot tell where it comes from, or where it goes: so is every one that is born of the Spirit. Jesus now gives an illustration or metaphor to help Nicodemus understand what he means. We cannot see the wind, yet we are clearly aware of the effects of the wind. We can hear it and we can see its effects on leaves and trees and plants. In the same way when the wind of the Holy Spirit blows on your soul or mind, we cannot see it but are aware in hearts that new things are taking place. Maybe we can feel compassion or love as never before, or perhaps a new generosity of spirit. The Holy Spirit moves in and through the born-again hearts in a mysterious way as he wills. Nicodemus would be stunned to hear this as he was still focused on keeping the Law.

3:9 Nicodemus answered and said unto him, how can these things be?

Yet again the stunned Nicodemus asks, ‘how can this be so’? It is clear he had not a clue about how God intended salvation to work. Perhaps his strict training in the Law immunized him to the Gospel?

We break off the story at this point to consider what does this mean to you and me? If you are a follower of Jesus, then this story is a good way to introduce Jesus in a conversation that could lead to that person coming to Christ.

If you are not yet a follower of Christ , you must realize that Jesus’ stark message to Nicodemus is that we must be born again to enter into God’s realm and enjoy all his wonderful benefits including forgiveness of all your sins.

But you say, how can I do it, The bible is clear (Romans 10) says 9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

We now need to turn this belief into a prayer spoken from your heart.

You can find such a prayer in the link below

https://www.psalmonesermons.com/post/jesus-explains-the-new-birth

[tangerinestilettos]

This song is inspired by @mcelhenneyarms 's post. Go read it, it's such a beautiful insight on Dennis' feelings and I felt extremely inspired to write a song about it. So here it is and it's called On Repeat, made by (as previously intended) me. I really hope you'll enjoy this song!

The song is played on an acoustic steel-stringed guitar and doesn't have any other sort of production to it; it's me singing and it's me playing the guitar, simple as that. This, as well as the fact that you can "hear the strings getting played" creates a very raw feeling to it, which I deemed very fitting for the topic. And while I didn't add anything else than that to the recording the dynamic is still purposely changing between every part; in the way I play the guitar and in the way I sing.

It's entirely controlled by feelings, which I hope is evident in the song; the dynamic is closely connected to every feel of the words and to the feel of every line.

The song is in E major and the chord progression is quite easy; it switches between the first chord of the scale (E in this case), to the fourth chord of the scale (A in this case) and back to the first chord.

This progression was inspired by the chord progression in Saturdays by Louis Tomlinson, a very lyrically strong song as well as really cool dynamics.

The song ends on an A major, the fourth chord of the scale, which leaves the ending feeling "unfulfilled" in a way because it doesn't end "at home", which would be an E in this case (the first chord of the scale). I did this intentionally because the lyrics at the end go "now press the button, play it on repeat", which is both a reference to the start of the song when a movie is playing on repeat as well as a symbol for the end of the post that inspired this song, when it's mentioned that these things that happen are reoccurring. This also fits well with the phrase "on repeat", because it feels like the song "should" continue after the chord.

It's not the most "unstable" chord of the scale (which would be the fifth chord, in this case a B, because this chord really "wants to" lead back to the first chord, an E in this case, and usually doesn't stand on its own in that way) but it's not the first chord, so while it's not extremely unstable it's still some sort of longing for a continuation, hence, it playing on repeat.

I also want to say that even though the song is done now, there might (as per usual) be a few changes here and there as I continue to play the song and as the melody becomes more certain and the lyrics too. But this is one version of the song. (This means that I might update it as everything grows even more solid.)

Anyway, I believe that was what I wanted to say theory-wise, so here are the lyrics of the song and the recording is at the top of the post. Once again, enjoy!

***

On Repeat

It's another highschool night of another basement Another time watching the sky turn blue The movie's been hit, once again, on replay And I'm crammed on a couch between you two

The guy on my right never knew his dad His mother's affectionate but most likely sad From his uncle he should stay away Never says a word about it, but I relate anyway

Others call him names and force him to eat spiders I still laugh at the punchline made of his name But I know him as the guy who’s gone through it all We’re the same, in a way

The guy on my left is dealing drugs His mom only speaks through frowns and grunts But he makes himself heard through breaking things Making people sure of what’s happening

A framed photo is placed in the hallway With his dad and his mom who had a smile on her face He tells me his father’s in prison But it’s alright ‘cause there’s love left in their family anyway

I call him annoying every day That I hate him over and over again But I know him as the guy who feels too much but still acts brave We’re the same, in a way

It’s the summer after high school when I was almost sure that I loved them But I’m heading off to college now Don’t wanna leave you two behind

The light catches in streaks on dirty windows Blurs the colors just like tears I’m not even sure that I'm crying Think there’s nothing left in me

So I try to make it up For all the days we’d spend together But it ends with nights in tears And lonely thoughts that last forever

Why couldn’t I have fun without them? Through hazy nights that have been laced with something But twenty girls can’t make up For the lack of two guys who took my heart

And it’s waking up the dormant feelings With nightmare-like thrashing and screaming And twenty girls but just one guy Is enough for me to make me cry

It’s the break between semesters and I’m finally back at home again And they’re hugging me But I just feel sick

But I stuff it down enough for them A make-believe façade because They’d call it something stupid, just like guilt

We decide to buy a bar together I drop out of college for the better Making plans to move in with the guy on my left To finally move out of my parents’ house And hope to never see my dad again

It’s decades later but now I’m watching everything fall somehow The ones I trusted all the time Stole everything that was supposed to be mine

The guy on my right is my father’s favorite They spend every waking minute together But when he finally finds his real dad My own asks me to get his favorite back

And in the grand scheme of things When the guy on my left struggled with his identity His own dad leaves but mine stays right there Has a breakthrough and now he understands

Despite the shit he did to me Blaming me excessively Thin-veiled comments about my style Or makeup and clothes and all that kind

He accepts him for who he is, but never me Wasn’t there to watch it happen But now it doesn’t fucking matter Because he never cared, not about anything

Left me out to dry when I needed him the most When I wasn’t useful anymore he ditched me, but at what cost? Berated, terrorized and emotionally neglected me Don’t you dare to do it anymore

And so the movie ends The story finishes Now press the button, play it on repeat

[theofficersacademy]

The dust has scarce settled following the Elementals taking their leave, but it turns out they’ve left behind one final gift for all of Garreg Mach:

A wondrous, illusory portal with the ability to take one to a world of make-believe where one’s imagination is the limit...

The catch? It only works for short periods of time, after which it will require a long pause between uses in order to fully recharge. The church, of course, already has the perfect use in mind for it. Now that they’ve no projectionist to launch them into the world of illusion, they are wanting for some manner in which to continue the tradition of these oft useful arena bouts.

Will you join the fray?

(... It’s completely optional, of course! I’m sure your grades & pay aren’t lacking for any extra credit... right...)

Welcome to another Arena! This will be a mini-event beginning June 16th that will allow members of the Officers Academy to test weapons and combat builds for their characters without the constraint of current masteries and skill ranks. As always, one of our goals with this event is to check that weapons and abilities work as designed, and to catch anything that might need further refinement before our next big event in August. It’s unlikely that we’ll catch everything that should be fixed, but there’s nothing wrong with a test run! As a thank you for helping us, there is one skill point waiting for anyone who participates, as long as your muse isn’t disqualified for inactivity!

How this event will work:

Sign up your muse here. Every muse will start with access to two pieces of equipment at D rank or lower, Beginner class mastery, or an event team prize. Please look at our Combat Manual or the Rank Chart to select your equipment.

You will also select one beginner class to start with, which will automatically grant your muse its class mastery ability without taking up an inventory slot. You can still choose other class masteries for your other two inventory slots if you would like, but whatever you choose for your class will influence whether or not your muse takes effective damage from certain weapons. Please note that if you should not select the class mastery as one of your equipment slots. For example, if you choose Myrmidon as your muse’s starting class, do NOT select Speed+ as one of your starting equipment. It will already be granted to you.

Combat arts do not take up an inventory slot and can be equipped permanently to ONE weapon per inventory selection. If you decide to have your muse bring an Iron Sword, they can also equip the combat art Wrath Strike, but if they also choose to bring a Steel Sword for their second inventory slot, Wrath Strike will only be allowed to be used with the Iron Sword until inventories are re-selected for the next round.

All participating muses will be randomized into teams of 4 or 5. Your teams will not be competing against each other at any point.

Your enemies will get stronger as you move through the tiers. But so will you! As you conquer each tier, your muse slowly unlocks access to higher-level weapons, abilities, and class skills. From the second battle onwards, you will have a chance to adjust your inventory as much as you’d like to be prepared for the next enemy or to simply try out a different build.

All dice rolls must be made in the TOA server using Dice Maiden. Each team will have their own thread to make dice rolls in and to message each other about arena threads or anything else pertaining to their specific team. This event is one where you will need to be in the server for rolling and communication purposes, but rest assured that this is only for the event and will never be required outside of it.

Lastly, the theme of this arena will be Shields and Breaks! The mod team intends to design enemies that will hurt, and will have a high KO rate. To balance this, muses who were KO’d at the end of their last battle will be automatically revived at 50% HP for the start of the next round if their team makes it through.

Signups will close at 11:59PM EST on June 15th so that we have time to sort teams. Let us know if you have any questions! Additionally, we will be taking volunteers to help us put together the combat documents and double-check team math each round. If interested, please fill out this form.

- The House Leaders

[devil-doll13]

The Cold Gun

Tw: Guns, Zach and Jude go to a shooting range and use it for its intended purpose, Zach getting roasted, Death mentions.

Cold Case In Harlem inspired me a little, you can consider it a moodboard for this fic? Sort of?

OCs Included: Zach, Jude, some hints to future OCs…

Dividers by firefly-graphics

“You’re terrible at this.” Zach muttered.

Jude almost whirled around to glare at him, but she was still locked onto her target and abandoned the action halfway through. He watched her straining her sunburnt forehead, white-knuckling like she always was when she was struggling. She fired off another shot that went way off mark and huffed in annoyance.

“You don’t have to be so insufferable, you know. Not everyone got a sponsor like you did.” She flicked her braid back over her freckled shoulder.

They were about the only people still using this decrepit shooting range. It was given sparse maintenance, and the old bullet holes in the targets could’ve been years old by now. The one she had chosen was already barely holding itself together. Zach was sitting on a bench at the back, watching. He rather wished he wasn’t, because Agent Judith Bell’s shoddy aim was a sorry sight to behold. She always fared better when she got up close and personal, but that was also pretty dangerous to do under most circumstances.

“Well, I have been doing this longer than you, so I suppose…” He leaned back leisurely, knitting his hands together. His seat creaked ominously.

Admittedly, he’d been well used to shooting cans off fences years before Jude even set a fingerprint on a gun (and she’d vowed never to touch one before then). It was a matter of experience as well as skill.

“Flexing your seniority on me again? Don’t start. Maybe give it a few more years and I bet I’d outshoot you.” She sniffed, tilting her chin forward defiantly. Zach supposed she must be in a rotten mood of some sort, one unrelated to her shitty aim. Jude usually wasn’t given to such a contrarian attitude.

That was mostly his thing.

“You really don’t wanna bet against me. Keep trying.” He said. He crushed his cigarette into an ashtray that was balanced precariously on the railing. Surprisingly, he was still allowed to smoke in here.

“Go away. I’m trying to get some practice in here.” She grumbled, and went back to hopelessly shooting at her chewed-up target.

Not too keen on getting too much on her nerves (since that was his specialty), he decided to leave her be and peeled open a newspaper that had gotten stuck together at the bottom of his pack. Here was the usual sensationalist drivel about celebrities’ love lives and weight gain, sandwiched between sports news and advertisements. What he was really looking for was reports on local crime, and sure enough he found it: “New York man found frozen to death in apartment in record-breaking heatwave.”

There was usually a whistleblower in every big law enforcement department they could manage to infiltrate, so he knew this one already.

It was the reason why they were here, after all.

“What are they saying now?”

Zach glanced over to see that Jude had materialised in front of him with her hands on her hips. She must’ve given up on hitting her mark. He rolled the newspaper back up and stuffed it into his bag. He’d only come here for her benefit (although it’d be good for both of them if she could actually hit something for once) so he was just about ready to go.

“Oh, just the usual. Your average pig’s about as useful as a wet paper towel when it comes to the paranormal. Should’ve learned years ago to trust us with it instead. Can’t believe we still have to pretend this shit doesn’t happen…” Zach blew smoke out of the side of his mouth forcefully.

“Well, that’s not their fault…” Jude said softly. “It’s probably for the best that most people don’t know about all this. Blissful ignorance and all.”

He stared up at her, frowning.

“... It probably is.”

Zach found himself focusing again on the crooked line of targets. He remembered this place filled with warmth and life. He used to go down here to metaphorically and literally shoot the shit with agents who were older and cooler than he was. Now, it was empty.

Most of those people were dead now, too.

An hour later they were loitering around the sidewalks of Harlem, grazing on street food. He’d bought Jude a cold chicken wrap to make up for her sour mood; and for his prodding. She couldn’t seem to decide whether or not she had an appetite, but he knew he did, and demolished his own tortilla. Right now he was leaning on a sign pole, waiting for the bus, blowing smoke rings into the city air.

“I can see why the cops are stumped.” She said between gulps of water. “Freezing to death? In this weather? It’s not normal…”

He flicked some ashes into a nearby gutter.

“This case is pretty straightforward for us, but yeah, for your average person it’s definitely strange. I’m sure the higher-ups will send in some hush money afterwards. We just have to do our jobs, save them the hassle.” Zach hummed pleasantly.

Jude looked disgruntled. “Is it straightforward? We’ve been running in circles for days trying to pinpoint where this asshole is.” She was selectively picking on various ingredients from her wrap, as if they were only parts of it she was able to stomach.

He turned back to give her a wry smile. It was unusual for her to swear. He took a mental note not to push her too far today.

“Well, If we can just rule out any of our high rollers… It might just be a particularly pesky imp.” Zach said. He supposed from her facial expression that his tone was a bit too casual, but that’s how you get when you do this sort of work for years.

“... It killed five people…” She murmured, sucking her finger dry of sauces.

Zach sucked in a breath, nodding. “... Yeah, It did.”

He saw the bus coming up and hurriedly discarded his cigarette on pavement and ground it down with his boot. It was stuck in rush-hour traffic, of course.

That was why it took so long to get back ‘home.’

Zach wrenched the door of their safehouse open with a groan. It was starting to get stiff and stubborn. Must’ve been just as annoyed with the nosy neighbours as he was. He often found old Mr. Galloway stooped down low to peek into the keyhole, ‘sneakily.’

Jude slipped in before him. “So we’re dealing with another ice spirit,” she said wearily.

Her face was grim. This had been how she’d started every conversation on this mission since they’d been assigned to it. He knew she hated the cold.

“Or an imp.” Zach followed in behind her.

He dropped his bag carelessly on the saggy coach, and Jude’s pack followed soon after it.

She waded through piles of books and folders into the kitchen. The flat’s walls were lined wall to wall with spreads of annotated maps, newspaper clippings and circled photographs. They had been using this place for half a year now - after the previous agent went ‘missing in action’ - and it had started to resemble the cluttered hideout of a conspiracy theorist.

“I don’t think it’s 530. That one usually doesn’t go this far into the city. Just the outskirts, and always farther North than here” Zach sighed.

At this, Jude just shook her head and switched on the coffee machine. On the bus, she’d brought up No. 530 and had seemed convinced it was the culprit. They’d had a minor disagreement over it. Zach rummaged through a locker and, after some digging, finally found the block of files they kept around for records.

“You know we can just hit up ‘Polly for these, right?” Jude made a face at him, setting two steaming mugs on a desk. It was so overcrowded she had to shuffle off some folders to make room.

“Yeah, but you know I’m old school…”

Jude rolled her eyes in response and snatched up some documents from his hands. “You act like you’re allergic to the Internet.”

She sat down and grazed on her tea.

“Yeah, well… The Internet’s not completely safe either. Remember that shapeshifting hacker we had?” Zach shot back.

This was the exact reason why he wasn’t overly fond of the decision to convert all their records into that shiny new AI. Jude set her cup back on the table.

“It would just be a lot easier is all I’m saying…”

She turned her attention back to the files.

“You’d think this thing would have the sense to at least wait until Winter. Summer is getting hotter every year now; you can practically fry an egg on our car’s hood some days.” She shook her head, peeling through papers and throwing unlikelies onto the floor. Zach gave her a sidelong glance. He knew she made the most of every Summer that rolled by.

“Not too smart, I’d wager.” He said, and lit himself another cigarette, perhaps the twentieth of the day.

“Sorry to say, but I think you share two minds.” Her hazel eyes flickered back up to glare at him. “When’s the last time you ditched the trenchcoat?”

He stopped. It was Nathaniel’s coat, and she knew that. She understood his reasons. Jude seemed to recognise this mishap and coughed.

“You know I can’t…” He said quietly.

Jude sighed. “I know but… Just promise me you wont let yourself boil in all that leather. I don’t need you sweating out all that remaining brain juice.”

He forced a chuckle, wanting to keep the mood light.

“Thought I didn’t have any?”

“Yeah, well… Maybe you have some, but you’re in danger of losing it.” She gazed at him sharply.

Zach’s throat felt unnaturally tight. He quickly changed the subject, flicking through his chosen files for a routine process of elimination.

“‘Victims were found frozen in carved sculptures…’ No… ‘Bite marks on the arms and chest…’ Nothing like that… We can rule out the yeti, I think.” He muttered.

“It really is just like 530...” Zach looked back up at her. She was staring at No. 530’s file in the same way she often did when she thought he wasn’t looking. He shook his head. Nothing good ever came of trying to understand these malicious entities’ motives. They were all rotten to the core, the lot of them. They’d always be quick to take advantage of misplaced sympathy. Jude was sometimes a little too kind for her own good, and still had a regretful splinter in her heart that made her easy to sway with pity.

“Not as famous, though. 530’s a bit more careful with its victims, it seems.” He said, gulping down a mouthful of his coffee. “And it prefers up northwest, and it goes for late night drivers, not people just living their lives in the city. We can rule it out.”

Jude still had a thoughtful expression on her face. “You know I sometimes wonder if there’s a reason fo-”

A heavy banging on the door interrupted her. The agents looked up from their files towards the source of the noise. Zach saw Jude start, but beat her to it:

“I’ll get it,” he said firmly. The stern glance he gave her left no room for argument. It might’ve been nothing much, but if anything dangerous came through that door he’d prefer it hit him first. In two strides, he cleared the small space and cracked it open a slice.

What met him instead was the aged face of ‘Agnes Tompetty’ - who some might’ve still considered dangerous, but to him was a trusted ally.

“Get your ugly face out of mine, lad. I like the girl better.” She spat out in a hoarse voice. Zach couldn’t help but crack a cheeky grin.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Tompetty.” He lay open the door for her like a gentleman, well used to ignoring her remarks. She didn’t mean it. Or at least, he didn’t care too much if she did.

“It’s the bloody evening!” She crowed, and hobbled inside with her walking stick. “And there’s nothing good about it. Hmph.”

He quickly checked his watch. “So it is…”

Mrs. Tompetty was something of a sleeper agent. She had fought monsters all her life until she went blind - then she adopted a fake name and ‘retired’ into the same block of apartments they were staying in. Zach was certain that if some silly vampire tried to drink from this old bat, they’d find themselves with a broken off cane stick shoved into their shrivelled up heart. Her reflexes were still unreasonably sharp.

The fact that she could still navigate her way through this mess was proof of how capable she still was, Zach thought to himself as she kicked away some stray debris.

Jude’s face had lit up at the sight of her.

“Coffee, Agnes?” And she got up, hurrying to wash out another mug before she even had an answer. “We actually have sugar this time.”

“No, don’t. Leave it. I said leave it! I’m only here to pass you a message from Mr. Roy.” Mrs. Tompetty batted the air like she was swatting a fly.

“For godssakes. It’s too hot for that shite anyway.”

Jude sat back down, looking disappointed.

“And why can’t he deliver it himself?” Zach furrowed his dark brows, expelling a puff of smoke. “We’ve been here for a week, he could afford to pay us a visit, right?”

The older woman turned around slowly to face him, her dull white eyes still and glassy. Zach had the feeling that, blind as she was, she could still see right through him. He’d heard of fellow agents who were so destroyed by what they’d seen in the field that they’d gouged their own eyeballs out. He supposed those as old as Agnes had developed senses beyond sight by this point, but he certainly did not envy her, seeing that he was halfway to blindness himself.

“I imagine he finds you dreadfully irritating, same as me.” Mrs. Tompetty said grumpily. She was searching through her purse for something.

Zach sighed. He’d invited Agent Roy many times for a drink, but the other man never took up his offer. He was starting to think Gabe didn’t like him!

And why wouldn’t he like him?

“Anyway. Shut your fat mouth and take this.” She snapped, and thrust a wrinkled hand into his chest. Zach realised it was holding a letter, now crumpled up and smelling of mints and hand lotion. He ripped it open and unfolded some lined paper.

Sure enough, there was Agent Roy’s neat, loopy handwriting. Zach stopped to squash the stub of his cigarette into a nearby ashtray before reading:

“Agent Johnson. You know what this is about.”

“Don’t bother scouring the city, because this slippery fucker doesn’t like crowds. You’ll find him down South, much farther down South than you were expecting. I’m talking Maryland, not New York. You’re barking up the wrong tree, Johnson, I’m just trying to set you straight. Of course, I can’t tell you his exact location because, like I said, he’s a little snake.“

“You’re probably aware of the five reported fatalities, but I unfortunately have to tell you that there are a lot more than that. A lot more. It’s a nasty business, I’m afraid. It involves- Well, I think you know personally that these creatures don’t discriminate based on anything, really. So you can feel free to torture him as much as you like. Just know that you’ll be delivering actual justice this time.”

(This choice of words made him raise an eyebrow.)

“Also. Stop mailing me gun magazines.”

~ Agent Roy

Out of force of habit, he turned over the paper to check the back of it, but it was empty. Still, he felt confused, as if there was a hidden passage he’d missed somewhere.

Where in the fuck does he get all his information? Zach shook his head in disbelief, and then he felt a twinge of annoyance. He should really just do all this himself…

“He was in a right hurry, that boy,” muttered the older woman. “Must think I’ve got nothing to do all day, hmm…”

Jude piped up. “Hopefully he can come tell us in person next time. He’s a nice guy, you know.”

When he’s around you, anyway… Zach thought.

“I should hope so! I’m not a carrier pigeon.” Mrs. Tompetty turned back with a huff and slammed the door behind her. Zach knew she would be back around talking his partner’s ear off by the next day.

“Well, um…” Jude rubbed her arm. “So what does it say?” She nodded towards the letter in his hand.

He glanced back up at her with a dubious expression.

“He’s got information on our target. Apparently Agent Roy has his own sources that he’s not willing to share.” He couldn’t help but say this somewhat bitterly.

“He’s just like you.” She remarked. “Sending letters in this day and age. Why not an email? A letter can be intercepted a lot easier.”

“Mrs. Tompetty’s got better security.” Zach said amusedly, shrugging.

“I can believe that. But still…” She sighed, then got up to dump the rest of her drink into the sink. It was too hot for enjoying coffee.

Zach was beginning to feel the heat too, and found the leather strips of his gun holsters were were now cutting into his skin. He stuffed the letter into his pockets and paced the floor, restless. “Gabriel says we’re way off mark. That our target’s down South in Maryland.” He quickly summarised for her.

“Maryland?” Jude repeated back. He could hear the sheer incredulity in her voice.

He scoffed. “I know… I’m not entirely sure if I should believe it to be entirely honest with you, but as far as I’m aware, Agent Roy has no reason to lie… Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve been thrown off the scent like this, wouldn’t you agree?”

She bit her lip, still leaning against the kitchen sink. “But Cooper’s corpse was frozen. Do you think there might be more than one?”

“That’s entirely possible.” He turned back towards her and nodded. For a moment they stared at each other, and a moment of understanding flashed between them.

“Right… You go South, then.” She pursed her lips.

“You wanna stay in the city?” Zach couldn’t help but let the surprise show on his face. He was certain that she would prefer to leave it; crowds and smog and all.

Jude shrugged helplessly. It looked to him like she just wanted to be left alone. He’d been there, too.

“Okay.” He said, quickly downing his coffee and gathering up his equipment again with a groan.

“I’ll be taking the car. I assume you’ve got the gist of the city’s layout by now?”

Jude not being a city girl, he did worry for her in this situation. Might get lost in the alleys again…

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Was all she said.

With that, he left her standing there, despondent, in the middle of the room, trying to push back strange, persistent feeling that he’d been sent into a trap.

(Taglist: @rottent33th, @slaasherslut, @the-pinstriped-hood, @goldrose-star, @soupbabe, @bluecoolr, @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better, @flower-crowned-lady, @probably-a-plant-thing, @solmints-messyocdiary, @myers-meadow)

[amemoire]

My too long ramble about Scara in a long winded attempt to touch on my thoughts of Ei in relation to him. Mostly because while some of fandom likes to draw up modern AUs and the like in which she's a good mom to him, this just isn't my belief for a few reasons. That isn't to say that I will shove my opinions onto others, and I would welcome anyone that does write her and want to plot out nicer terms for them, but I also don't want anyone to fight me on what's been my view for a long time now. This is just something that I hold to my own portrayal.

First of all, one of the primary things in Scara's character is the fact that he views Ei as more than his creator. He views her as his MOTHER, even to this day. Something made clear in his story when his voice literally breaks on the word as he holds back tears. But to Ei he was a CREATION. A proof of concept. A failed prototype. He was always intended to be taken apart. The only reason he wasn't is because she took pity on his tears. He somehow bore a conscience— he was a little too HUMAN. And because of this, it did occur to her that it may be wrong to end his life like that. So she sealed away his power and placed him on another island instead.

She sent him away without anything more than the clothes on his back and that golden feather. Locked in Shakkei Pavillion where if he woke, she thought he may leave and lead his own life. Except he didn't. He stayed here for days on end until being found because he wasn't told he could even leave.

He had no explanation for why he was being " tossed away " and quite literally no knowledge of the world. He was a prototype— why would he need to know anything more than necessary for initial testing ? He was clueless to its laws and how it functioned. And while the point of this was to give him his best chance apart from Ei and the Gnosis, how was he supposed to know any of this when he wasn't told ? He didn't even have a name. There's a line in Polumnia Omnia that I'll never stop thinking about and that is the singular Japanese line.

" ごやのすゑなぞながられ ". " Why did you throw me away on the fifth night? "

This is referring to an old Japanese custom to name a child on the SEVENTH NIGHT of their birth. So now we know how close he was to the exact time where he would've been given a name— a sense of purpose and being and an identity of his own. He wouldn't have been aware of this tradition at the time as he was quite literally a newborn, but came to learn of it in the near future and thus resented his abandonment all the more. But again, I don't believe he would've gotten a name even if Ei had kept him. He was ALWAYS intended to be dismantled before then.

Instead, it was the villagers of Tatarasuna that gave him something close enough to a name and taught him everything he needed to know. The laws of the land, how to cook, clean, farm, sew, dance, etc. etc. He caught on tremendously and in time became even better than his teachers in some rights. But most importantly, they taught him what it was to be human. The only thing they hadn't taught him about was human mortality itself. Which is why I believe he viewed the kid's passing as a betrayal despite it being something that couldn't be helped. Because he was still a stranger to the concept of death. Yes, people had died during the events of Tatarasuna, but those were by other means. UNNATURAL means and by other peoples' hands. He likely never even saw the bodies himself. But his friend had died of some natural sickness. And this body he did see.

We know from Ei telling us herself that she was aware of everything going on in Inazuma during the AQ and specifically the involvement of the Fatui and simply chose to let things happen. I don't bring this up to say that she knew what he was going through in his early years, but rather that she knew of his involvement during the AQ. By extension, we could probably say she's also aware of his role regarding the fall of the Raiden Gokaden. And again, she did nothing. Even after everything is resolved, she doesn't mention him and she doesn't seek him out. Granted, we do know why. She states in now unavailable voice lines that she doesn't wish to control him. So this is why he's allowed to do virtually whatever he pleases.

Yae similarly confirms just how hands-off Ei wishes to be. To the point that she won't even fight him despite all the trouble he caused for the nation. The fact that Yae would kill her " son " in secret and without remorse is a separate matter I won't get into. ( Though it makes me wonder if Ei would even be sad if this were to have happened with how casually Yae says this ). But it does speak for how even she doesn't view him as Ei's kid but still just a creation. Still just a puppet. Heck, she doesn't even call him by " he " like she does at the end of the AQ but by " IT ".

All that said, going back to the matter of AUs and Ei's ability to be a mother, it leads me to believe that at best she would have other people raise him. ( Nannies, house staff, maybe homeschool teachers ). And at worst she would be a neglectful parent. She's just too busy to do it herself and probably doesn't even know where she'd start. Without a doubt, he would have to take mandatory lessons and classes that keep to their culture and tradition, but otherwise she isn't too privy to what he does or likes. She wouldn't bother getting involved in anything unless it happened that he had failing grades or was getting in trouble. Additionally, because of her allowing him to do whatever he wants in canon, she may even become one of those parents that covers up the trouble their kids cause. Their relationship is quite strained as a result and while he would still regard her as his mother, he wouldn't regard her as someone who loves or cares about him, much less understands him.

But he does crave to be loved. Best shown by the feather being present in his Wanderer design.

The fact that he still carries it with him shows that it STILL means something to him. Even more importantly, it shows that he's held onto it all these centuries and will continue to do so despite never receiving any insight to Ei's true intentions and despite all memory of himself being literally written out of history. Because that feather was the one kindness he KNOWS she afforded him. It was a symbol that offered him protection by showing his relation to the Shogun, and it was a token that allowed him to request an audience with her. Though it failed him in the end, he still kept it. The only gift he ever received from his mother. One he will continue to hold close.

[shoot-of-corruption]

Honesty, Humility, Appreciation

HONESTY– What kinds of small lies do they tell others? What lies do they tell themselves? What is the biggest lie they’ve told?

Lying by omission. ('It's fine, it's half the truth... you just leave out the crucial aspect...')

Lies of deception. ('I'm just like you~', 'A normal person, really!', 'I have no ill-will against you.', 'I've turned over a new leaf!', 'I'm not the same, I was before...')

Half-truths ('They'll never know, honestly...')

Denial Minimization ('It doesn't hurt.', 'I'm good!', 'Don't worry~')

The biggest lie, undoubtedly: "You'll get out of this alive!" Fake it, till you make it, right? HUMILITY– Are they open to seeing their own faults when others point them out? Are they realistic about themselves, or do they inflate negative or positive values? What is something they are genuinely proud of?

He's getting closure about a lot of things, some of them are his own mistakes. He freely admits that things in his past have gone wrong and if he likes the person, he is talking to, he will readily accept his mistakes. He is a fatalist by heart, so he definitely blows up his own limitations more than they need to be. Mariku is actually very proud about the way he is managing his existence by now. It took him a long time to accept the point he stands at, but he has a good grip on it. He is even accomplishing things, even if it is at a snails pace.

APPRECIATION– What kind of accomplishments do they recognize? What things do they find beautiful or attractive? Which of their senses do they find most joy engaging with?

Accomplishments of the mind, the break through of psychological limits, creativity, strength, powerful displays, magical prowess.

Mariku is actually drawn in by the beauty of others, but also by their feelings. He can at least read surface feelings of others and the more he spends time with them, the better he can read them. At some point, he is very able to feel the consistency of another ones soul and can value it for its intends, purposes and what it contains.

He doesn't posses a sense system anymore, at least one that is close to the human one. He has still echoing things in his brain how some things fit together or taste... Tactical senses are almost completely out. He has no thermal registration. He can feel emotions and some thoughts. He can feel the remnants of peoples souls and personality, even in objects. He is able to taste in some way, not the general sweet, sour, salty (etc.) way that humans do with their tongue (since he has no body). It is more tasting by memory, or gathering up what the person felt when they fashioned a meal. He will remember tastes by association - he told Ryo once he tasted like vanilla. That was a conglomerate taste memory from his looks, his feelings and the status of his soul and the first time he tasted vanilla. It is more an association than a real taste.