#now im working for a liveable future

[catgirl-or-furry]

When I was a little kid, my parents encouraged me to hike up a mountain with them because dad had M&Ms he'd give me at the top, and I tried my darndest with my little legs and my crocs because I refused to wear proper shoes, until I was crying because I was so tired and couldn't walk anymore.

That's what my entire life feels like right now.

[trans-axolotl]

tbh i think i am proud of myself for how i did handle the retraumatizing experience of solitary confinement. bc right after i got out i actually went to my roommates at the time and said "okay so i hadn't talked with you about this before but i was in long term solitary confinement when i was younger and it really, really fucked with my head. Being in solitary yesterday, even for a shorter amount of time, is bringing up all this stuff. i feel insane right now and i don't want to be alone for the forseeable future" and actually like. communicated that instead of pretending everything was normal and fine. and then that allowed me to get a lot of the support i needed and we moved a mattress into one of my roommates rooms and i slept in their room for three weeks. and then i did all the things i knew i would need to do like going outside every day and sleeping with music on and decorating my new room and affirmations and giving myself a LOT of grace when it came to the types of coping mechanisms that felt accessible and easy.

idk sometimes i forget how much work i've put in during the past four years to get to a place where my life is more liveable and i have a lot more options for how to cope and ways to take care of myself that when i was 18 i just did not have any of that. and i am really proud that like, i've gotten to a point with a lot more of these things that my first thought a lot of the time isn't "i have no idea what to do and it's hopeless" but it is usually more like "this is really hard and im so fucking angry and everything hurts AND i know i have things i can try that might help and i know this is liveable."

idk lots of rambling today!

[fagcrisis]

I'm not hungarian only by association (my gf but she's not even in hungary atm and I am) and i'm trying to comprehend what happened with the elections, if you're not sick of talking about it yet can you please explain it to me? I think she would have voted karácsony too but her family is team vitézy and I thought he was a left-wing candidate as well and had some decent plans for the city, why is he bad? THX and sorry for bothering you, I don't know him but I'm happy your guy won, congrats 👍

hiya, dont worry i basically spend all my days explining this shit to people. even most hungarians are uninformed as hell lol

anyway so short breakdown of yesterdays election, we voted for thr following things

European parliament mandates: this is where you vote for a party and their percentage decides how many ppl they get to sent to the EP. across europe this year the far right has gained massive ground, in hungary the nazi party got 6,8 percent, and we have no leftists or even so called liberals in there anymore.

local elections: this is conplicated. if you live in the country you voted for your city/towns mayor, and a representative onto the city council. if you live in budapest you voted for the mayor of the district you live in, a representative onto the district council, a party in the city council elections (based on percentage they can send an amount of representatives into city council) and the lord mayor of budapest

so the current, and likely future (SWEEP!!) lord mayor of budapest is Karácsony Gergely. hes a centre left politician, and while i disagree w a lot of his policies hes a MAJOR improvement on our previous mayor. ive been volunteering for various ngos and volunteer groups for a long time now and karigeri is always very amenable to working with us, under his time homelessness hasnt like, improved but he stopped putting homeless people in jail for being homeless, and removed a lot of hostile architecture in parks. also he recently worked out a massively beneficial deal for monthly transport passes which i wont get into but its cool. anyway like, the guy isnt the greatest is what im trxing to say but hes done shit that i support and being an activist in budapest is easier w him as the mayor

vitézy dávid is a guy who previously ran bkk, the budapest centre for transport and he did a good job of it, mans autistic as hell about trains. hes also distantly related to orbán viktor who i hope you know who that is. and hes not a fucking leftist LMAOOOOOOOOO he ran with lmp this year who are our green party ostensibely, but they are conservatives, and vitézy just on his own time is also a conservative. hes gay and jewish so idk how that happens but yknow. anyway, hes a way better public speaker than karácsony, and in a debate he massively wiped the floor with him which swayed a lot of peoples stances on him and thats why i think the race was so close

let me be very clear, theyre recounting the voted now and vitézy might win yet. if he does, fucking nothing is going to imrove in this city, because vitézy might have anti car policies he might say he wants to improve transport, but ultimately hes a fidesz lapdog and hes never gonna go against orbán on anything slightly controversial. the only reason we have anything in this city that makes it fucking liveable is because karigeri was willing to go to bat for it even though he got no fucking funding for anything. just because a guy can give a good speech isnt gonna make him a better mayor than the dude who comes out to student protests in support

[ribbuster]

hi i’m furious and terrified rn so i’m gonna rant 🤗 being educated on politics right now is so incredibly exhausting 💀 i don’t understand how voters have so many red flags against trump, and yet he still gets votes. america doesnt let felons vote, but theyre allowed to be in office? a sexual predator, no less. trump says so much disgusting and pathetic things about women, and he still is seen as a good man. i am a gay transgender man, and im so severely sick to my stomach thinking about what he could do to my future. i genuinely refuse to come out to anyone else before he’s out of office.

if you give a shit about religion, then lets talk about it. he has said TWICE that his power and overall existence is that of christ, along with having a trump bible. isnt that blasphemous? does the religious view of the person holding your rights really matter when so much is on the line here?

as for prices and our economy, do your research. trumps first term was under obamas economy, which is why it succeeded. bidens term was under trumps economy, which is why it failed. i understand immediately going to what the economy was at the time of the presidency, but that really is not how this works. trump tax is very real and very scary. kamala has promised the decrease of tax for the middle and low class and a tax increase for the upper class, while trump believes the opposite. hes wanting the upper class to pay less and the lower classes to pay more. you would know that if the economy was that important to you to the point where you do your research.

worried about immigration under harris? WRONG!!! harris promises an america in which immigrants are allowed in, all while keeping things level and keeping groups like the cartel out. immigration was so messy under trump because there was so many holes in his plans for it. we as americans need to recognize immigrants, all while making their native homes liveable. immigration effects both parties in many ways, so minimizing it to where the natives are happy with their birth place and dont have to come to america as a last resort should be our prime effort.

“what if its her time of the month?” harris is 60 years old, therefore, she does not get periods anymore. menopause usually starts between the ages of 45 and 55. assuming a woman of 60 years of age is still getting periods is just straight ignorance.

the only views against harris ive seen have all been faulty and rooted in racism and sexism. kamala harris is everything donald trump pretends he is: a friend to everyone, an educated leader, and a gentle hand to those who need it. before you decide to vote next time, do your research. you could be voting for the downfall of our home.

[meteoritesystem]

as i was saying. 3 of my best friends are moving in together and im happy for them and such but also im like actually going to stick my head through a brick wall. does anyone feel like everyone else around them is growing up and youre still a scared little kid.

like it feels like nothing ever changes. and everything has changed and i'm at a new school but nothing has really changed Because where do i go after this? what do i do? i can't do anything. i get back from an hour and a half class feeling like i got hit by a bus completely just done for the day. i have no plans and nothing i'm good at enough to make making it my job worth it. my best friend's senior film got greenlit and funded. one friend's thinking about applying for college out of state. two have real full time jobs, one's fucking engaged,

hey guys my fucking ra knocked on my door while i was crying over this post cancelled i'm going to dig myself a hole and die in it ❤️

[lesbiangiratina]

Oh i hate remembering that im just stuck in this body Forever. Im always gonna be me

[neioo]

.

[aster-survives]

please help me avoid having to move in with my abuser come march.

p4ypal (@/asteronauts) | vnmo: /asteronauts | csh 4pp: $asteronauts

goal: $900

[image description: a transparent image of moomintroll. he is putting his fingers together in a pleading gesture. he is a white creature outlined in black and has blue eyes. end image description.]

more details under the cut 💜 [purple heart] content warning for mentions of suicidal ideation and abuse!

four hours of work a day three days a week was leaving me practically bedbound. a week after quitting, i ended up having to go to the er to get iv fluids because of my psych meds interacting with my pots and causing it to flare up.

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my name is aster. i am a 25 year old black and trans disabled abuse survivor. i had to quit working as a gymnastics coach in december because my chronic illness was getting too bad for me to take care of myself and work at the same time.

i have been slowly getting my meds adjusted the last few months. im on a new antidepressant (the one that caused the flare, but ive stabilized now 💜), a new mood stabilizer for my newly diagnosed bipolar disorder and cptsd related mood swings, and a new beta blocker for my pots.

this has made life liveable again! for a long time, i felt so sick that living didn't seem to be worth the pain. but i feel hope right now for the first time in over a year. i want to live and be happy. im finally able to take steps to make my life better!

but i still can't work. my chronic pain is so bad that even sitting up for an hour causes immense pain, and though my fatigue is much better it is definitely still an issue so i need lots of time to rest.

im doing a lot better than before, and i want things to stay that way. but i have no way of paying march rent and february utilities. and if i dont pay them on time, i will have to move back in with my abuser. this would be a major setback for me and very likely cause me to fall victim to severe depression once more. there is no space for me in my abuser's house. last time i stayed with her long term i was living in a tent in her backyard and still was asked to pay rent. it is an extremely toxic environment for me, and while i can handle it in small doses, there's no way i can survive living with her.

i am just now starting to feel like a person again. the idea of losing this small amount of happiness terrifies me. i want to live, truly, for the first time in i dont even know how long. maybe next month ill even be able to find an accessible job, or something that doesn't require as much standing. i am still searching every day.

please help me. the future is so scary, and i don't know what it holds, but i want to be in it truly for the first time in so long. and i dont want to lose that.

p4ypal (@/asteronauts) | vnmo: /asteronauts | csh 4pp: $asteronauts

[boethiah]

Followed for TES, staying for sociopolitical stance. Don't let these people get you down who don't understand that having to keep sinking money into their car was a deliberate design choice, and that until we start designing our world on a human scale again they should direct their ire toward politicians; "lobbyists" ie bribers who influence political policy in favor of CEOs, oligarchs, robber barons, and more pointedly speaking oil and gas CEOs; and NOT people who are pointing out that all these things affect people way more drastically in poorer countries because of all of the exploitation of the lands and their peoples. Keep your hope(sfire) strong friend!

yeah ik this is off blog topic but its something I care strongly about... literally having done my thesis about climate change and studying climate change and working with climate science and studying climate in my spare time, its really difficult to not develop a grim perspective. like, my thesis was on the penultimate interglacial, a period where temperatures are equivalent to today but sea levels were 5-10m higher. five to ten metres. it does not take ideology to think 'so at our current temperatures, the world in its natural state would have seas 10m higher' and then think about what that means for coastal cities. but further than that im someone who lives in the world and reads the news and though I'm blessedly fortunate enough to not have been hit by fires or flooding as so many people have I've still watched the gradual degradation of environments I grew up in and love. summer temps in my hometown now top 42-44c daily for weeks at a time and its projected to get worse in the future. its here, the catastrophe is happening, and the fact that nobody seems to care is driving me mad. its as if were living in a house where the upper floors on fire but people are still using the gas range in the kitchen cus they can't afford to get takeout! no matter how hard your life is its going to get harder once the fires floods hurricanes heatwaves decide to hit you. modern society has so divorced people from the environment that we now think climate change is some abstract problem for foreigners and hippies rather than a dire existential threat. so many major civilisation collapse can be tied to periods of minor climate change and yet we think we're special cause we have concrete houses. I don't understand the sociopolitical side and I don't know how to fix this I just know theres 10m of sea level rise coming and were going to lose coral reefs and were never going to escape it because any feigned desire to make the world better goes out the window the moment gas prices rise a lil too much like wanting a liveable planet isn't trendy enough any more or something. fuck dude just fuck I don't even know how to process this sometimes

[fatehbaz]

Imagining futures; escaping hell; controlling time; living in better worlds.

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What we see happening in Ferguson and other cities is not the creation of liveable spaces, but the creation of living hells. When a person is trapped in a cycle of debt, it also can affect their subjectivity and temporal orientation to the world by making it difficult for them to imagine and plan for the future. What psychic toll does this have on residents? How does it feel to be routinely degraded and exploited [...]? [M]unicipalities [...] make it impossible for residents to actually feel at home in the place where they live, walk, work, love, and chill. In this sense, policing is not about crime control or public safety, but about the regulation of people’s lives -- their movements and modes of being in the world.

[Source: Jackie Wang. Carceral Capitalism. 2018.]

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Pacific texts do not only destabilize inadequate presents. They also transfigure the past by participating in widespread strategies of contesting linear and teleological Western time, whether through Indigenous ontologies of cyclical temporality or postcolonial inhabitations of heterogenous time. [...] Pacific temporality [can be] a layering of oral and somatic memory in which both present injustices and a longue duree of pasts-cum-impossible futures still adhere. In doing so, [jetnil-Kijiner’s book] Iep Jaltok does not defer an apocalyptic future. Instead it asserts the possibility, indeed the past guarantee, of Pacific worlds in spite of Western temporal closures. [...] In the context of US settler colonialism, Jessica Hurley has noted “the ongoing power of a white-defined realism to distinguish possible from impossible actions” [...]. In other words, certain aspects of Indigenous life under settler colonialism fall under the purview of what colonizing powers define as the (im)possible. [...] Greg Fry, writing of Australian representations of the Pacific in the 1990s, notes that the Pacific was regarded as facing “an approaching ‘doomsday’ or ‘nightmare’ unless Pacific Islanders remake themselves”. From the center-periphery model [...], only a Malthusian “future nightmare [...]” for Pacific islands seemed possible. [...] Bikini Island, where the first of 67 US nuclear tests took place from 1946 to 1958, was chosen largely because of its remoteness [...]; nuclear, economic, and demographic priorities thus rendered islanders’ lives “ungrievable” [...]. The [...] sentiment was perhaps most famously demonstrated in H*nry Kissing*r’s dismissal of the Pacific: “There are only 90,000 people out there. Who gives a damn?” [...] Such narratives were supposed to proclaim and herald the end of Pacific futures. Instead [...] Pacific extinction narratives [written by Indigenous/Islander authors] conversely testify to something like the real resilience of islanders in the face of a largely deleterious history of Euro-American encounters. More radically, they suggest the impossibility of an impossible future. Apocalypse as precedent overturns the very world-ending convention of the genre. By turning extinction into antecedent, [...] [they aspire] toward an unknown future not tied to an apocalyptic ending.

[Source: Rebecca Oh. “Making Time: Pacific Futures in Kiribati’s Migration with Dignity, Kathy Jetnil-Kijiner’s Iep Jaltok, and Keri Hume’s Stonefish.” MFS Modern Fiction Studies. Winter 2020.]

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With the machinery finally installed on the property of the Manuelita estate, Don Santiago Eder launched the first industrial production of refined white sugar in Colombia on the “first day of the first month of the first year of the twentieth century.” Such deeds, mythologized and heroic in their retelling, earned Santiago Eder respect as “the founder” and his sons as “pioneers” in the industrialization of provincial Colombia. Their enterprise [...] remained the country’s largest sugar operation for much of the twentieth century. In 1967, [...] E.P. Thompson described the evolution and internalization of disciplined concepts of time as intimately tied to the rise of wage labor in industrializing England. His famous treatise on time serves as a reminder that the rise of industrial agriculture affected a reorganization of cultural and social conceptions of time. [...]. The global ascendancy of the Manuelita model of work contracts and monoculture in the second half of the twentieth century underscores the acceleration of the Plantationocene, but the historical presence and persistence of alternative [...] time should serve as a reminder that [...] futures and the demarcation of epochs are never as simple as a neatly organized calendar.

[Source: Timothy Lorek. “Keeping Time with Colombian Plantation Calendars.” Edge Effects. April 2020.]

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For several weeks after midsummer arrives along the lower Kuskokwim River, even as the days begin to shorten, the long, boreal light of dusk makes for a brief night. People travel by boat [...]. When I asked an elder about the proper way to act toward Chinook salmon, he instructed me: “Murikelluku.” The Yup’ik word murilke- means not only “to watch” but also “to be attentive” [...]. Nearly fifty years ago, Congress extinguished Alaska Native tribal autonomy over [...] fishing [...]. The indifference of dominant [US government land management agency] fisheries management models to social relations among salmon and Yupiaq peoples is evocative of a mode of care that Lisa Stevenson (2014) characterizes as “anonymous.” When life is managed at the level of the population, Stevenson writes, care is depersonalized. Care becomes “invested in a certain way of being in time,” standardized to the clock, and according to the temporal terms of the caregiver, rather than in time with the subject of care herself (ibid.: 134). Stevenson identifies care at the population level as  anonymous because it focuses exclusively on survival – on metrics of life and death – rather than on the social relations that make the world inhabitable. Thus, it is not namelessness that marks “anonymous care” as  such, but rather “a way of attending to the life and death of [others]” that strips life of the social bonds that imbue it with meaning […]. At the same time, conservation, carried out anonymously, ignores not only the temporality of Yupiaq peoples’ relations with fish, but also the human relations that human-fish relations make possible. Yupiat in Naknaq critique conservation measures for disregarding  relations that ensure not only the continuity of salmon lives but also the duration of Yupiat lifeworlds (see Jackson 2013). Life is doubly negated. For Yupiaq peoples in southwest Alaska, fishing and its attendant practices are […] modes of sociality that foster temporally deep material and affective attachments to kin and to the Kuskokwim River that are constitutive of well-being [...]. As Yup’ik scholar Theresa Arevgaq John (2009) writes, cultivating relations both with ancestors and fish, among other more-than-human beings, is a critical part of young peoples’ […] development  [...]. In other words, the futures that Yupiaq peoples imagine depend on not only a particular orientation to salmon in the present, but also an orientation to the past that salmon mediate.

[Source: William Voinot-Baron. “Inescapable Temporalities: Chinook Salmon and the Non-Sovereignty of Co-Management in Southwest Alaska.” July 2019.]

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[C]oncentration of global wealth and the "extension of hopeless poverties"; [...] the intensification of state repression and the growth of police states; the stratification of peoples [...]; and the production of surplus populations, such as the landless, the homeless, and the imprisoned, who are treated as social "waste." [...] To be unable to transcend [...] the horror [...] of such a world order is what hell means [...]. Without a glimpse of an elsewhere or otherwise, we’re living in hell. [...] [P]eople are rejecting prison as the ideal model of social order. [...] Embedded in this resistance, sometimes explicitly and sometimes implicitly, is both a deep longing for and the articulation of, the existence of a life lived otherwise and elsewhere than in hell. [...] [W]hat’s in the shadow of the bottom line [...] -- what stands, living and breathing, in the place blinded from view. [...] Instincts and impulses are always contained by a system which dominates us so thoroughly that it decides when we can “have an impact” on “restructuring the world,” which is always relegated to the future. [...] “Self-determination begins at home [...].” Cultivating an instinctual basis for freedom is about identifying the longings that already exist -- however muted or marginal [...]. The utopian is not only or merely a “fantasy of” and for “the future collectivity”. It is not simply fantasmatic or otherworldly in the conventional temporal sense. The utopian is a way of conceiving and living in the here and now, which is inevitably entangled with all kinds of deformations [...]. But there are no guarantees. No guarantees that the time is right [...]; no guarantees that just a little more misery and suffering will bring the whole mess down; no guarantees that the people we expect to lead us will (no special privileged historical agents); [...] no guarantees that we can protect future generations [...] if we just wait long enough or plan it all out ahead of time; no guarantees that on the other side of the big change, some new utterly-unfathomable-but-worth-waiting-for happiness will be ours [...]. There are no guarantees of coming millenniums or historically inevitable socialisms or abstract principles, only our complicated selves together and a [...] principle in which the history and presence of the instinct for freedom, however fugitive or extreme, is the evidence of the [...] possibility because we’ve already begun to realize it. Begun to realize it in those scandalous moments when the present wavers [...]. The point is to expose the illusion of supremacy and unassailability dominating institutions and groups routinely generate to mask their fragility and their contingency. The point is [...] to encourage [...] us [...] to be a little less frightened of and more enthusiastic about our most scandalous utopian desires and actions [...], a particular kind of courage and a few magic tricks.

[Source: Avery Gordon. “Some thoughts on the Utopian.” 2016.]

[blole-hack]

everyone here is right although i dont think bastille was trying to put pressure on people

everyone has time to change of course! you're allowed to grow and fail fast and then improve. but also

generally and literally speaking, how your life turns out chronologically could really depend on your life as a teenager and the outcomes of what you do also really depends on how privileged you are.

dropping and out and shit kinda dont work for third world country peeps who are already poor, i just felt the need to mention that, not that people meant that it was applicable for everyone.

im not sure how it is in other countries but i think the wage is more liveable over there

and also it would really help to learn skills early so you can have more time using and honing them. and the more you try things early (don't get locked down to things just because u "have to" if you have the privilege) the more you'll get to e x p l o r e urself

in hindsight in my last year as a non legal person, what mattered the most was keeping my mental health well maintained because even the smallest of things seriously makes me want to break down. im not diagnosed with anything nor do i have any mental illness i think, but

if you are struggling right now as a teenager even if it is " comparatively smaller of a concern " than everyone else's, please get support asap. prevention of spiraling is better than cure yo. not because it's impossible to cure, but in the long run it really makes your quality of life better. if you feel like crap because its hard for you to do things you planned and its making you frustrated, get help. Any concerns you have about life and the future you want, get help.

if it makes you feel better about the future then pursue what you want to pursue now

And also dont try things that might get you addicted to substances.

so uhh essentially

your future isn't entirely dependent on your life as a teenager and you can totally get back up from it, but making good decisions now will make them easier and more accessible in the future. and of course whatever you decide on pursuing doesn't have to be permanent, but if you wanna do it then you do it bro. just make sure to take care of yourself bc starting soon makes it easier to keep on doing

its kinda scary how your whole life depends on how well you do as a teenager 

[shanessa-mae]

So this is one of the stories um working on 🤔

USF. United Space Forces. The Forces for short, was created to find another livable planet. Us humans have destroyed our mother earth. In able to go outside you have to wear a special mask to help turn carbon dioxide into oxygen. We have lost most of our plant life outside. Dead trees still stand and some species still strive, though not nearly enough to make oxygen. The plant life we do have are in green houses. They still are having major issues growing successfully. The trees that grow are stunted in growth and don't even reach a few feet. We have lost the ability to grow much farm life outside, we have a few small indoor farms. Though only the rich have access to fresh vegetables and fruits. scientists have made synthetic food to eat, it tastes disgusting though.  I myself have not had the opportunity to eat fresh foods. Only canned processed foods. I did steal an apple off of a truck when I was 8 years old and was starving from not eating for 2 days. I was only able to get one bite out of the apple before i was spotted and striked for stealing and eating fresh food. Since that day I have vowed to make it into USF. 

     The program I have been training my ass off to get into. Its a program where you get selected for your talents and sometimes for your genetics and personality, which is more rare than being picked for talents. I guess they want to keep a diverse team together. Which makes sense to a certain extent, you don't want multiple people with the same leader attitude. It would lead to chaos and fights. Everyone trying to be the boss and push their ideas and ways off onto everyone. Sometimes being a follower comes in handy in some cases. Myself i have been training from day one to be the caption of a future team.   

 The USF sends out a new team every 10 years giving enough time for the other teams to report back on their status. The first 5 years are them traveling in cryosleep to their destination. The other 5 years are for them to find a Liveable planet in their designated solar system or galaxy. They run multiple tests on the planets to check for oxygen levels, Checking the ecosystems, as well as the wildlife, and if there is an alien race living on there or not. So far there have been 5 teams that have been chosen and sent out. Only 2 have returned, the other three we lost any signals and communication with them once they landed on their potential planet. The 2 teams who have returned weren't able to find any livable planets in their systems and were able to come back safely. 

I trained since I was 8 years old and I will be on the next launch. Perks come with being on the team. Your loved ones and family will be instantly higher up in class. No longer wondering where their next meal will come from and will be given no housing. A salary will be paid to them yearly, no matter if your mission is successful or not. You are risking your life for the earth and will be rewarded as well as your family. If you come back from the mission you will be made into an advisor for future teams. If you find a livable planet and are able to successfully make it our new home you will be a founder of the planet and will be close to royalty. I Strive to give my family a better life. No longer starving when we run out of our monthly rations. No longer having to wait a week to take a shower or wash clothes once a month due to our limited water use. I will be the next captain of Team 6. 

The good thing about the testing is no matter your class you are given the same opurinites. They implanted that so they didn't miss a diamond in the rough. Which i am. I was at my last session of Advanced Gun training. I was the top in my class followed by my best friend. She was from a class A family. The looks, the skills and the money.

 Though she is different from the others, she's humble and she knows she isn't different from anyone else because of her daddy's money. She has earned her own spot in this world. I hide my true self from her for the first few years we were friends. I told her my family just moved to the area and were not well known but were successful in the farming industry. Which now days was a very very well respected career. She called me on my bullshit when she saw me at the food collection center. Food collection centers are where low class get their monthly rations. She was volunteering there handing out food, i tried to play it off but all she did was stand there with her hands on her hips calling out all my bullshit and once she was done she hugged me and explained my class has nothing to due with out friendship then proceed to help me carry my rations home.  

I swivlied on my toes and brought my shaft down on the back of his knees. He dropped to one knee and started to swirl his shaft around but before he got it up i slammed mine down into his. It slammed down on the ground with a thunderous bang. I whipped the shaft up and held it under his chin forcing him to submit. I made eye contact with his dark brown eyes. The colors of dark chocolate with a light brown swirled into them. He held his own for the whole match but he made one mistake and turned his back on me. I smiled down and reach down to help him up. As he grabbed my hand and went to stand he used his weight to pull me down into him and then rolled us down and pinned me to the floor.

 He leaned down and whispered “I never submit Frecks” calling me by the common nickname I was given. 

I ground my teeth and stealthed out “ Its Theadora” and wiggled out from his grasp. He just shrugged while smirking this smug ass grin and left to change. 

I stalked over to Alice and took the water bottle she handed to me. That was Jeptha the dick who has been the only one to be equal in sparring with me, and it pisses me off. I shook my head and looked over at alice who was currently checking out Lucy the girl who is magically good with tech. She is someone id want on my team. I’d make her head technologist of the craft. I knew I could trust her to handle the tech on the spacecraft, she new all the latest systems and also loopholes. Though she doesn't publicly share that.

“ you know you could just go talk to her and shoot your shot.” I nudged her side and smiled at her. She had this sound look on her face, “I don't need distractions while im gone” She replied and then plucked at her sweat towel. She was just as confident as I was that she was making the cut.

“You know she might make the cut to, and I think she has similar feelings for you sooo.” I suggested to her. She sighed and just shook her head giving me the signal not to press it.

She has never been able to fully express herself and how she is attracted to females. She knew her family would go ballistic. I never pressed her on coming out because i knew once we started our mission it wouldn't matter.  Since the next 10 years of our life would be simply focussed on the mission. I bent down and scooped up my bag and and drank the last of the water and handed it back to Alice. It was time to go home and wait for the results of the tests and for the choice to be made. I hugged Alice and went towards my house.

It took me about 2 hours to walk to my house, normally Alice would have had her driver drop me off on her way through into the upper class sector. Though today she had an appointment with her father at his business. She was signing her right away from the company. Her father threatened her with losing her stability with her family's money if she went through with the tests. He did not think someone of his name and class belong on the USF. He thought it was below them. He knew his family would get a home on the new planet and thought why waste the time and potinaly death it brings. Though Alice has always planned on signing her rights away. She wanted nothing to do with him or his company. 

[herwhispersofdawn]

so i work at hot topic for nh minimum wage at 7.25 an hour. i live in maine, whos minimun wage is 10. so 7.25 is low as shit, but i love the job and my coworkers a lot and the discount is nice at 40%. I used to work almost every day up to six hours, and as someone who doesnt currently have rent or car insurance bills, that was fine, i was making like 200 every two weeks. 

until they cut my hours to 4-9 hours A WEEK TOPS. which is barely liveable even for me given the amount of gas my cars needs and food that is healthy for me. so my boss gets hurt when she finds out ive been applying to other places to work like ??? i love my boss, i admire her a lot but now i feel pressured and like shes disappointed - hell, she told me she felt disrespected! like wtf i cant live on 70 bucks every two weeks! she makes exponentially more than me, so she couldnt understand. i use my dads car right now. i have to save and its impossible save on the money im making right now.

so i had a job interview for buffalo wild wings, hiring at 9 an hour with tips and offering me FULL TIME. got the job. set to start training asap like this weekend. 

i dont feel like i should work at hot topic anymore which breaks my heart. like if i kept the job (2 days a week tops) id basically be doing it for fun with some extra money but like...  i have to talk to my HT boss kaylie at some point about my future with HT if i even have one anymore. i love working there, like i can be my complete self and work with people just like me. 

at BWW sure, im making way more but like its my first restaurant job so im terrified and nervous but ive had enough with letting myself delay my adulthood anymore im fuckign 21 and acting like im 15.

ughhhhhhhhhh

[tumblunni]

I am in new hous i am dying when will the strese end

Almostalmost almost done almost sleep

Just need to install oven and washing machine andiamSO LUCKY the moving van guy also knows diy and he said he'd help do it for free but im giving him extra money anyway and im forcing him to take it and also i bought him an easter egg.i was like WE ARE GOBNA DRIVE TO STORE AND IM BUY U EASTER EGG U GODDAMB SAINT

I am so fuckin tired

Im also now fuckin broke but at least i apologised to that poor guy for the hectic mess this whole experience has been

Apologized with easter egg

Also the neighbour gets an easter egg

I HAVE A NICE NEIGHBOUR FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!! Like in the movies!! A neighbour who says hi and welcome and helps you with moving big furnitures because he is just that kind and amazing. And i told him i was like 'wow neighbours like this really exist?' andhe was so shocked i hadnt had a nice neighbour before. So i told him about the weird neighbours blasting maximum volume christian rock music at 3am and he was like What. Anyway i hope we canbe friends!! I wanna buy him an easter egg every year now cos he was very touched and said it made him nostalgic for his childhood

I wish i could afford to give easter eggs to everyone in this building aaaa!! Its gonna be so interesting being part of an apartment complex instead of just a single apartment. Theres 130 of them here! The place is so big that it has two postcodes! And they have a friendly grandma enforcing the rules and lurking in the shadows to guard us from evil! And a RUBBISH CHUTE!!! YOU PUT IT IN THE WALL ANS IT GOES ZOOM!! thats so cool and conveinient i was worried itd suck to carry bags down all the stairs and stuff. I wanna know where the end of it is so i can see all the trash going zoom!!!

Also there are SO MANY shops nearby i am finally free of the hell of The One Shop Town tho i feel a lil sad it happened only a few months after a second shop opened. Thank you, small library/coffee shop! You saved me from the utter boredom of St Mellons life!

Oh also this place is called Riverside cos its near the side of the millenium stadium with the bridge and the sea and stuff. So its super close to Town! The capital shopping centre of the capital of the country, so omnipresent as the centre of everything that 'going to town' has become Only This and every other town must be specified. Also its actually a city but noone cares. Anyway its the closest thing we have to a remotely america esque busy shopping area and i grew up around there so i cant stand the food deserts out in the less commercial districts. Like i have NO CLUE why st mellons is so empty, its not even technically in the countryside yet, and its so damn populated that everything is a fuckin maze of houses and the bus routes take an hour to get out. Youd thibk itd make sense to have more than one damn shop!!

Aaa there are SO MANY SHOP U GUYZ!! Im so tired but i also wanna go explore shoppppp

And theres loads of restaurants so thats a goal for the future once im more financially stable again. Lots of nice places to try and itd help me work on my anxiety of restauranting. (I still do not know why 'you eat a thing but someones watching' is such a big scare. My brain no logic!)

So anyway the place is great and everything is gonna be great BUT the experience of actually getting here was really harrowing and loads of shit went wrong and i had such a damn panic attack that the back of my head is still burning tenseness from the migraine ive been holding back with sheer strength of will. Also i havent slept since saturday!!!!!!!!

So aghhh i hopei can get a good easy quick nap now in the new place and im not tormented by my usual nonsense where being in a new house makes me so nervous that i get dizzy constantly for the first few days and get paranoid that im gonna fall through the floor somehow and everything seems fragile and the walls seem too thin and I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING and now matter how nice the place is i always feel like that as soon as i turn the lights off and try to sleep aaaagh

Man i shoukd turn the heating on, im only noticing how frozen this place is now that all the adrenaline of panic has worn off.and also theexhaustion of lugging shit up the stairs for four damn hours, after eight damn hours of emergency last minute panic cleaning the old house after two damn weeks of systematically befuckening an entire house into a liveable state when it was seriously like an episode of hoarders and im so damn proud of myself for defeating my own unorganizedness and also smashing several bookcases into infintesimal shards with my bare hands. Related note: get bandage for hands. Also that big slice on half my toe knucles (is that a word? Like the jointy bit?) where i dropped that pointy hunk of wood and almost guillotined them off. Also i found a giant metal pipe out of nowhere and the missing heart pattern from my childhood plush toy's foot, so it was a good clean indeed.now i just have the problem that i have NO IDEA which bags i cleaned everything into, lol!

Hhhh tired

[noahsofia]

If money grows on trees my house would be completed by now. But since I am a broke mother with a child, it will take longer…… and as long as it can be. So in the meantime Im practically homeless, living off from my parents house without shame.

I’ve been trying to work on my home (or at least to make it liveable) for months now. And I am lucky to have mirin who can work on putting up most of the light fixtures without needing an electrician.

And on the other hand, I’m pretty good with the paint brush so the walls are mine. All in all so far we’ve managed to save about RM1000+ on renovations. Yay!

The sofa and the dining chairs (which costed an arm and a leg, causing us to eat taugeh for the rest of the month) will be here by September! Money flowing like water and also our sweat and tears, but in all honesty, I’m feeling nothing but excitement for any progress that we’ve made together, even if it’s little.

And at the end of a tiring day of working on the house, we’d give each other hugs and look forward to our future here together in this building where we can finally call home. 🤍

[bellasharifuddin]

If money grows on trees my house would be completed by now. But since I am a broke mother with a child, it will take longer…… and as long as it can be. So in the meantime Im practically homeless, living off from my parents house without shame.

I’ve been trying to work on my home (or at least to make it liveable) for months now. And I am lucky to have mirin who can work on putting up most of the light fixtures without needing an electrician.

And on the other hand, I’m pretty good with the paint brush so the walls are mine. All in all so far we’ve managed to save about RM1000+ on renovations. Yay!

The sofa and the dining chairs (which costed an arm and a leg, causing us to eat taugeh for the rest of the month) will be here by September! Money flowing like water and also our sweat and tears, but in all honesty, I’m feeling nothing but excitement for any progress that we’ve made together, even if it’s little.

And at the end of a tiring day of working on the house, we’d give each other hugs and look forward to our future here together in this building where we can finally call home. 🤍