#now im torn between getting that and a different drink when i go to world market tomorrow

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

THEY HAVE MY FAVORITE CHERRY SODA AT WORLD MARKET

[clickerflight]

Joseph: Part 4 - Officer Muir

Masterlist

Part 3

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'm so excited about this. This story has really grown in my mind and I have PLANS! You'll have to bear with me, though. Since it's been so long since I wrote the last piece there are a lot of differences. There are not goblins or werewolves in this world. Anyways! I hope you enjoy!

Content: Vampire whumpee, human caretaker, body horror, temporary blindness, grief, hospital whump (specifically the noise and isolation), overstimulation, panic attacks

Let me know if you want to be on the taglist

..................................

Officer Muir sat in his car, watching the cars pass by and checking their speeds as they went.  It was always amusing to watch people slow down drastically when they spotted him, but he let them go by. He was quite content to sit and think. 

He heard his radio crackle to life and a voice came over the radio. 

"Distressed vampire on highway 60 between exit 820 and 821. A human male is keeping the vampire company currently. Ambulance dispatched. Are there any officers in the area that can evaluate the situation?"

Officer Muir picked up the radio and said, "Officer Muir here. I'm two exits down. I'll be there in a moment."

He put the radio down and turned on the lights and sirens. Vampire in distress really wasn't much to go off of. If there was a human there, it could be trouble. Vampires were usually very hostile when stressed out and could turn on the man easily. 

Officer Muir sped past the cars that pulled aside for him and soon spotted a large mower and a man crouching in the grass over something. Officer Muir pulled up and got out of his car, looking over the situation. The grass hid what the man was looking at, but he got up, phone pressed to his ear as he talked with the emergency operator on the other side. 

"Oh, an officer is here," the older man said. He was obviously human as his wrinkles and dull graying hair proved, which meant the vampire was laying under the coat that Officer Muir could now see through the grass.

"I almost ran 'im over with my mower," the man said. "I spotted ‘im just in time. I let ‘im drink from me. He's in bad shape."

"Gotcha. What's your name?"

"Lloyd Montgomary," he said as Officer approached the coat, noting the twitching movement underneath. 

"Alright, Mr. Montgomary. Thank you," Officer Muir said. He crouched by the vampire and could hear the man's whimpers and whines over the sound of traffic. 

"Yeah. He's a Moderna vampire. Wasn’t burning in the sun."

Officer Muir nodded and lifted the coat to get a better look. 

The vampire was curled in on himself, but Officer Muir could tell he was missing limbs. Not in a torn off way, but in a growing them back sort of way. 

"Hey, man, can you hear me?" Officer Muir asked, and the vampire turned his face to him. 

Officer Muir recoiled from what he saw. The vampire was growing back much messier than most vampires he'd met. His sightless eye sockets stared out emptily and he still needed to regrow the skin on half of his face.

Office Muir collected himself quickly enough, putting a hand on the vampire’s back through the coat. 

“Hey, man. I’m Officer Muir. There’s an ambulance on the way for you, okay?”

“Okay,” the vampire said breathlessly. He flinched and whined, long and drawn out. “It hurts,” he whimpered. 

“I know, man. Hang in there. He’ll get you to the hospital and they’ll give you painkillers while you grow out the rest of the way, okay?”

The vampire nodded. 

“I’m sorry,” Mr. Montgomery said anxiously as the sound of sirens became audible in the distance. “Was I not supposed to feed ‘im, I-”

“It’s fine.” Officer Muir soothed. “He’s going to be okay and what you did was very kind.”

Officer Muir turned back to the vampire and asked, “Hey, what’s your name?”

“J-Joseph.” The vampire looked faintly like he was going to be sick for a moment before he asked, “What year is it?”

Warning bells went off in Officer Muir’s head. “Were you held captive?”

“They, they put me in a box,” Joseph managed. A dry sob wracked through his body, making him spasm in pain.

“Hey, hey, it’s going to be okay,” Officer Muir said. “I’m here. They can’t do anything to you. They’ll have to go through me.”

Joseph nodded, his not-quite-formed hand reaching out blindly and Officer Muir held it. “What year is it?”

“2019.”

Joseph sucked in a shuddering breath. 

“How long did they have you?” Officer Muir asked, leaning closer as the sirens got louder. 

Joseph just wailed, gripping Officer Muir’s hand tighter, struggling to get closer. Officer Muir gently pulled him closed, settling on the ground so the vampire could hide his face in Officer Muir’s pant leg. 

The paramedics were there soon enough, and they coaxed Joseph onto a stretcher. Other officers came and started taking Mr. Montgomery’s statement. Officer Muir was grateful for that because, despite the vampire only having about three and a half fingers in total, he had a deathgrip on the Officer’s hand. 

“Sweetheart,” one of the paramedics said gently. “How about you let his hand go?”

“Please,” he whispered, sightless eyes turned to Officer Muir. “Please. Don’t leave.”

Officer Muir sighed. He turned his head and spotted Officer Granger, a vampire woman who often acted as his partner when he wasn’t on duty at the roads. 

“Oi! Granger?”

She turned and he tossed her his keys. “Can you get someone to take my car to the hospital? I’m going in the ambulance. And could you let the chief know?”

She rolled her eyes. “She’s gonna tear you a new one when you get back.”

“No she won’t. She loves me!”

Granger sighed and shrugged. With that, he turned back to the vampire and climbed into the ambulance. 

Joseph was breathing heavily, rolling his head around nervously as the paramedics got things ready for him. 

“Alright, this should help a little with the pain,” the gentle paramedic said, gently poking a needle into Joseph’s half formed arm and plugging a drip to it that would feed in pain killers. 

Over the course of the ride, Joseph started to relax, though he never let go of Officer Muir’s hand. After a long silence where the paramedics conferred and joked together, Joseph turned his head to Officer Muir. 

“Three years.”

“What?”

“I was in a silver box for three years.”

The paramedic’s fell silent and Officer Muir found himself running his thumb back and forth across Joseph’s knuckles. “Want to tell it… from the beginning?”

Joseph took a steadying breath and nodded. 

“David and I… er, David’s my sire, we were going to the store? Or maybe going out to get drinks? I don’t remember,” Joseph said sorrowfully. “A weird van pulled up and, and…. some guys grabbed us. Dressed in robes and stuff. They had silver weapons and there were a lot of them. I never was good at fighting.”

Joseph swallowed nervously. “They took us somewhere remote. They…. I think they were cultists. They tied us up and they poured silver on David’s face. Why would they do that? We weren’t even-” his voice broke off as he heaved another dry sob. He took a moment, the skin growing across his face as he fought for control. “They killed him.”

Officer Muir squeezed his hand, and Joseph squeezed back. 

After a long moment of silence, Officer Muir asked, “Do you want to talk about what they did to you?”

Joseph’s breath quickened. “They cut my heart out.”

Officer Muir winced. 

“Put me in a silver box and buried me, I think. Someone found the box. And someone put blood in me and cut a part of my heart off. Then I…… I don’t know how I got on the side of the road.”

Officer Muir frowned. “It sounds like they were testing for your age. There’s been a rise of crime rings selling the hearts of ancient vampires around for their knowledge. How old are you?”

“I was born 1984.”

“Kay. So they saw you were a modern vampire and probably tossed you out. You got lucky.”

Joseph shuddered. “Doesn’t feel like I did.”

“I know, man. But you did. You survived. You’re going to get healed up and get some help and you’ll be on your way. Did you have a coven?”

Joseph shook his head. “I’m Hemijeoa Moderna.”

Officer muir tightened his grip on Joseph’s hand. “David was your… bondmate then?”

Joseph was silent for a long time. Officer Muir could see him working his jaw, trying to say something, but all he could do was nod, skin creeping closed over his eye sockets.

“Please don’t leave me,” he whispered. 

“Okay. Okay, I won’t,” Officer Muir replied. “I’m Officer Muir… but you can call me Joshua.”

“Joshua,” Joseph whispered. “Joshua.”

Officer Muir hummed softly and Joseph relaxed a bit more. 

“Where are you from, Joseph?”

“Mmm? Oh, It’s a small place. Forreston. Where are we going?”

“We’re going to Keaton. Have you been there?”

Joseph frowned. “No. I lived in Forreston my whole life.”

“It’s nice. It’s a small city, so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.”

“And you’ll be here?”

Officer Muir ran his thumb over Joseph’s knuckles again. “I will probably have to leave at some point. I am technically on duty, but-” he said quickly as Joseph went pale and his breathing picked up again- “but, I’ll give you my number and I’ll come visit you when I get off, okay?”

Joseph took slow breaths again, calming himself down. Officer Muir couldn’t imagine what he was going through. Losing your pairbond like that and then being trapped in a burning box for three years? Officer Muir couldn’t begrudge the fact that the vampire was being clingy. It was actually kind of nice. He still didn’t have many friends in the city, after all. 

It was too early to be thinking along those lines, though. Soon enough, the ambulance pulled up at the hospital and Joseph was taken to a room where he could grow out the rest of the way, another drip of blood being hung up alongside the pain killers. 

After making sure Joseph was settled and comfortable, Officer Muir said, “I have to go, okay. I’ll be back this evening.”

He slid his hand from the vampire’s and pulled out his notepad, writing down his phone number and pressing it into Joseph’s hand. “You can call me if you need to, but I should be back soon,” he said. 

Joseph nodded as he clung to the note, eyelids fluttering, though his eye sockets were still empty as the ocular muscles were only just beginning to develop. “Okay. Okay. Thank you.”

“Course,” and with that, Officer Muir left. 

………………………………

Joseph sat and regenerated. Without the pain, there was just a tingling where his limbs were growing. The only thing he really didn’t appreciate was the noise. It was so loud here. The machines never stopped beeping, voices passed down the hall constantly, he could smell blood and fear and could hear screams on the other side of the hospital. Every so often a code would be called and he would jump out of his skin, his ears and heart throbbing with fear. 

He pressed the blanket to his face, trying to distract himself with the feeling while avoiding the small bumps that were starting to form under his eyelids, biting his lip as his hair grew in and just kept growing until it reached the length it was when he was turned, ticking his ears and cheeks. He pressed his face into the blanket harder, shoulders up around his ears as someone laughed loudly down the hall and the beeping just kept going. 

There was something crawling under his skin, something constricting around his chest making it harder to breathe and he still didn’t have feet to escape with. 

Desperately, he dropped the blanket and put his hands over his eyes, muffling the sound, but they wouldn’t go away and now he could also hear the rush of blood in his palms. 

He was crying, and now he could actually form tears, the droplets hot on his face as he tried desperately to breathe. He tried to keep the sounds down in his throat, his breathing almost unbearable to him, nevermind the stupid whimpers he couldn’t keep himself from making. 

A warm hand touched his and he flinched back, opening his eyes. He could faintly see lights and blurs of darkness. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” a male voice asked. It wasn’t Muir. Stars, Joseph wished it was Muir. He’d felt safe when Muir was there.

“”S loud,” he whispered, unable to fight back the hot tears that were still traveling down his face. 

“Okay, give me a moment,” the man said and the blur moved. 

Joseph watched him go and covered his eyes, watching the blurriness around him for movement. 

The man came back. Joseph smelled him coming and only flinched slightly when he felt another touch on his hand. 

“I brought you some noise canceling headphones,” he said softly. “It’s pretty normal to get overwhelmed, especially if it’s your first time. Do you want any music?”

Joseph almost said no, but then he realized he really didn’t want to listen to his blood and heartbeat again. He needed something. He nodded.

“Kay. Is there a specific album you’d like? Something longer, if you can think of it, so you have time to get your sight back before you need to change it.”

Joseph shook his head. “Anything works- wait. No. Minecraft music.”

“Okay.”

The man put the headphones gently over Joseph’s ears and, after a very uncomfortable moment of listening to himself, familiar sounds of Minecraft music began to play, reminding Joseph of the mindless hours he and David played the game together. 

He closed his eyes, willing himself to relax as he sensed the man leave again. 

Joseph kept crying, but it wasn’t because of the pain or the overstimulation. All he could think about was David’s triumphant grin when they killed the ender dragon on their fifth attempt. 

………………………………..

Muir stepped out of the Chief’s office, his ears still ringing a little bit from the bit of shouting she had indulged in. 

Granger was waiting for him outside, eyebrow lifted and a little smile on her face. “Favorite, ey?”

“I am,” he replied snidely as he took his keys back from her. “And she was yelling at me for something else entirely anyways. She was only a little mad about me going to the hospital.”

“I see. Was he alright?”

“I think he’ll be okay. I’m not sure. I’m going to check up on him tonight, actually, after I finish some paperwork.”

“Okay,” she said. “You said he was a Hemijeoa, right?”

“Right.”

“Where’s his bondmate?”

“Died in the same incident that got him where he is,” Muir replied, making his way to his desk. 

She raised her eyebrow. “You’d better be careful, then. He’s in a fragile state. He might try to pairbond with you.”

“And what would be so wrong with that?”

“Well, you’d have to stick around him a lot more. Plus, you’re human. You wouldn’t feel the bond enough to actually keep up with it and keep him healthy.”

“I thought humans pairbonded with vampires all the time?”

She huffed. “I guess. Still I don’t think it’s healthy.”

Muir rolled his eyes. “I don’t think you get to have opinions. You’re a Ferox yourself, aren’t you? You don’t need any bonds.”

She shrugged. “Just be careful. You don’t want to have to deal with a clingy vampire for the rest of your life.” Without letting him respond, she took off to her own desk. 

Muir rolled his eyes and got back to work. 

Joseph: @whumpsday @not-a-space-alien @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question

From Dust to Ashes: @whumpsday @writereleaserepeat @currentlyinthespiral

Let me know if you want to be added to either taglist. Joseph's taglist is stuff having to do with just this vampire, and the other one is for general stuff written in this whole world.

Part 5

[cdroloisms]

haha your snippit abt the dispenser got me thinking.

Dream gets let out of prison and he talks constantly, whatever is on his mind. And he's positive all the time. To a fault where people walk over him. And it doesn't make sense because he was tortured right???? But after an incident they find out it's because he hates the sound of silence and needs constant reminders that other people are there. Also he was punished for any negative emotions in the prison so his default is happy now,,,

hi anon !! this concept makes me SO goddamn sad ,, the idea that he Has to be happy bc anything else would mean punishment im so *punches the walls*

this ,, ficlet is honestly. pretty ooc, not really related to the ask at all, and mostly an excuse for me to cry abt c!dream and c!punz for an excessive amount of time (technically the vote on twitter was supposed to have this as c!sapnap pov, but i just wrote one for him so i went for c!punz instead. mostly bc i wanted to write him LMAO). hopefully someone enjoys it despite *gestures vaguely* all of that mess

tw: trauma, disordered eating, implied torture/abuse, blood, injuries, unhealthy coping mechanisms, emotional distress, thoughts of murder/mercy killing, mentioned animal death, dark content

In the end, it’s all rather anticlimactic, the complete opposite of Dream’s vault and the whole fiasco of adrenaline and theatrics that had made up that day. Quackity ended up having one too many drinks, bragged about the wrong thing to the wrong person - Punz doesn’t know the specifics, only knows that one thing has led to another and suddenly Sapnap was screaming at his ex-fiancé, sword pointed at his chest and tears streaming down his eyes in the middle of the Community House floor, everyone else stood around and watching. A look into Quackity’s office said everything he didn’t - the chests and chests of used and new tools, shiny and sharpened and completely rusted over with blood and everything in between. There’s been a balled up shirt in the wastebasket, completely unsalvageable from how saturated it was with blood, more red than white, and perhaps most chilling of all the calendar, marked with X after X in red pen, going back months and speaking to their utter failure to see what had been happening all but right in front of them.

With Quackity down, Sam caved not too long after, and with his input getting into the prison was no challenge at all. The only thing holding them back were bad memories and the tense, worried edge to Sam’s jaw as he led the small group of them - himself and Sapnap, actually entering the facility, Bad and Puffy waiting outside - carrying them through winding corridor after winding corridor and lava pit after lava pit, until they’d come to stand before a chasm filled with flowing lava, slowly draining before the main cell.

“I- I have to warn you,” Sam had muttered, uncharacteristically hesitant, “it looks…pretty bad,” and Punz would’ve questioned him further, but the lava had fallen far enough to reveal the topmost edge of the cell, so they let Sapnap hound the Warden for information as they directed their full attention on the cell itself and holy shit.

Nothing Sam said could’ve possibly have prepared them for the sight - it was a complete fucking bloodbath, crimson painting the walls and smeared over the floor and splattered over every visible surface like some abstract art experiment gone wrong. The stench of iron and burning flesh and viscera was awful, even over the gap marked by the still-draining lava. Punz strained his eyes; at the very back of the cell, huddled, unmoving, was a similarly bloodstained shape that must’ve been Dream. They remember the crack of Sapnap’s knuckles meeting Sam’s face and breaking his nose, remember themselves chucking a pearl and feeling along Dream’s neck desperately for a pulse - everything beyond that became a swirl of voices and panic and crying that makes their head hurt to think about, so they don’t.

Recovery is…messy. The physical side had been bad enough - pulling Dream out of the cell, barely breathing, limp in his arms and far too light, all Punz could think about was a sheep he’d found a year ago, frail and struggling to breathe, one he’d ended up killing - quick and painless - with a sword through the skull because it seemed kinder than letting it suffer. Watching Dream struggle on the bed, laid up in Bad’s mansion because none of them knew if he’d survive going any further, body resisting the potions they’d slowly forced down his throat after being so over-saturated on them, temperature spiking and heat baking into his skin like the lava from the prison had been imprinted onto his body, Punz feels the same strange mixture of pity and unease, wonders if it’d be a hell of a lot kinder if they just put him out of his fucking misery.

Still, because Dream is a stubborn bastard, against all odds, he ends up surviving - his fever breaks, the potions begin taking effect, and a few tireless, aching days later his eyes flutter open, lucid for the first time in a week. Punz isn’t even in the room when he wakes, only knows that it happens because the too-quiet room suddenly erupts in noise and activity, muffled thumps and sounds of a struggle undercutting Bad’s frantic calls for someone to help, anyone, and they run into the room to find Dream thrashing on the bed, wounds reopened and blood dripping onto the sheets, eyes wild and wide as his head whips from side to side so hard Punz is half-afraid that he’ll straight up break his neck. Somehow, worst of all, not a single scream falls from his lips, nothing but muffled whines squeezing past his mouth, clenched shut, and for a singular, awful second they wonder how long it took before he realized that screaming was useless.

Fortunately enough for them, or unfortunately, it’s not like he can tell the fucking difference anymore, the panic and strain end up with Dream passing out altogether, and they trade uneasy glances with Bad before going to clean off the worst of his wounds. If everything they’re doing feels hopeless, dressing up wounds that’ll be torn open hours later when Dream is awake enough to feel fear but not much else because he’s forgotten what it’s like to not be afraid - well, that’s for them to think and everyone else to pretend not to agree with.

Weeks pass along the same vein - Dream wakes up, panics; they try to calm him down, fails; he falls back into unconsciousness, and they move on and pretend that they’re cleaning up wounds from battle and not from someone that’s literally been tortured for months on end. People stop by, occasionally; Puffy spends more time than not inside the mansion, but hardly ever enters the door into Dream’s room, Sapnap and George drop by occasionally with potion brewing supplies that the rest of them can’t go out to get; once, he’d gone out to the front door to find a chest with an enchanted golden apple, sender nowhere in sight. He knows that the server is busy; Quackity’s admission had brought more than a few secrets to light, and from what they understand, the political fallout has been pretty damn messy. Still, he stays in the mansion, and watches.

He doesn’t exactly know why he stays. They’re not a stellar healer, not beyond what they know to dress their own wounds, and spend most of their time doing odd-and-ends tasks for Bad, who looks more tired than ever. Maybe it’s because he’s seen Dream at his worst more than the rest of them, had been there through his entire fall from grace, watched as his eyes became clouded with anger and madness and a single, desperate hope that he’d chased at the cost of his world and himself. Maybe it’s because they have no ties to the rest of the server - not to Las Nevadas, falling apart under the scrutiny of the eyes that now fall upon it, not Snowchester, caught up in the chaos, not the Badlands, half-dissolved after the fiasco of the Egg and with Sam’s actions having just come to light. Maybe it’s because above everything else, he feels guilty.

They’d thought the prison was the answer. It’d seemed too simple, back in that Vault - a perfect answer, because everyone else was perfectly happy to watch Dream die another time and some part of them had clenched painfully at the thought even thought they knew it was for the best. The prison meant that he’d be alive, if angry, and at some point when he had the time or the nerve or the guts he could go and visit, and they would talk, and Dream would be angry but with time maybe he could even understand.

They hadn’t wanted this. He can’t imagine anyone wanting this.

“Punz?” They don’t jump at the voice at their back, they don’t, but Bad still has a tiny, tight-lipped smile when they turn around anyway, eyes creased in the corners and still not as bright as they’d been before the Egg. Bad looks at him knowingly, setting a bowl of soup into his hands. “For Dream, if you can get him to eat.” He shifts a pointed gaze towards the door. “Maybe you two could talk.”

“About what?” The words come out harsher than they intend, and they take a moment to bite back the mostly self-directed anger that Bad doesn’t deserve to receive the brunt of. “I just-” he waves his hand in the air, trying to articulate the mess that is his relationship with Dream without the words to explain it. “I don’t know, man.”

“You don’t have to talk about everything,” Bad says, calm as always, eyes flicking down to the bowl of soup in his hands. “Just start with the soup.”

Punz sighs. “I’ll try.”

He enters the room in a single, fluid motion, mostly because he knows that if he were to stop at the door then he’d never actually make his way in. Dream flinches back when they enter, eyes going wide and stance going rigid, and the familiarity doesn’t make the sight any easier to bear as they wait, as always, for Dream’s eyes to clear enough for him to realize he’s in the mansion and not stuck in that same obsidian hellhole.

“I brought soup,” they say, finally, when Dream looks up. Dream’s lips twitch up in what he probably means as a smile; between the still-healing gashes on his face and the fear that flashes over his expression, still, it comes out as more of a grimace.

“Thanks.” Dream looks away. “I’ll eat it later.”

Liar, Punz thinks tiredly, moving closer to set the bowl down on the nightstand by the bed. They frown as Dream’s expression goes slack and distanced, again, eyes fixed to stare blankly at the wall once again.

“You should have some now,” he tries, careful to keep his words even. “You need the calories.”

“I’m good,” Dream says, automatic, just shy of sincere. “Thank you.”

“Dream,” they don’t quite succeed at keeping a displeased sigh from falling from their lungs, and bite back a curse at themselves when Dream pulls back with a silent flinch. It’s so goddamn hard, to talk to this version of Dream, both of them feeling around the edges of their relationship like walking on goddamn eggshells. A few months ago, he would’ve straight up called Dream out on his bullshit, get it through his thick skull that the whole ‘I’m fine and don’t need anyone’ act was stupid and completely failing to convince him. Here, they bite back another sigh, look forlornly at the bowl of the soup on the nightstand, sure to go uneaten once again, and force themselves to sound completely neutral when they speak again. “Alright. You’ll have to eat at some point, though.”

“Mmhm,” Dream hums noncommittally, once again staring at the wall. Punz stares at his hands. This is so fucking pointless.

“So,” they say after a few seconds, Bad’s words echoing in their head - they can try to make an effort to talk, sure. It’s just that Dream’s not going to cooperate. “How are you, man?”

The words come out stilted, awkward. He looks up to watch Dream’s expression, as the other man begins to gnaw on the inside of his cheek.

“I’m good,” he says, words deliberately light. “You?”

“Dream…”

“I’m fine.” Dream’s voice sharpens suddenly, breath hitching, before he shakes his head and turns his head away. “I’m fine.”

Punz looks at him incredulously. “Are you serious? Do we need to get into exactly how not-fine you are?” They wave a hand in his direction, jaw clenching when he rears back. “Do ‘fine’ people lose their minds from someone waving at them, now?”

“I-” For a second, Dream glares at him, eyes burning with a familiar, irritated fire that Punz knows all-too-well from having it directed at him a few too many times, before it suddenly dies and Dream is swinging his head back to the bedsheets, hands tightening on the cloth as he stammers. “I- What do you want?”

Punz breathes a soft sigh, regret blooming in the center of their chest. “Sorry,” he mumbles, careful to keep their gestures overly-telegraphed and away from the other man’s face. “I’m just- you’re not okay, man. No one’s expecting you to be okay after...all of that.”

“But why?”

Dream’s voice is small, nearly a sob, and Punz directs wide, alarmed eyes to where he’s hunched in over himself, knees pulled to his chest, hands staring at the sheets pulled over them. “Why?” he says, again, quieter, lip trembling slightly.

“Because you were tortured,” Punz begins, words slow as they watch Dream’s expression, trying to pull out the thoughts behind his averted eyes, “Because the cell was inhumane, and nobody deserves to be treated like that. Because you were hurt very, very badly because of what we did, and none of us are expecting you to be fine right after going through months of trauma.” He pauses. “You know that, right?”

“But I’m out,” Dream says, quiet, disbelieving, instead of answering their question. “I’m out of there. It’s over. It’s- everything’s good,” he whispers, more to himself than to them, hands curling into fists and then uncurling. “I’m- they said I would never get out. And I’m outside, and it’s not- not the cell, and I get real food, and Quackity doesn’t visit anymore,” he shakes his head, eyes squeezing shut as his breath catches in his throat. “I’m happy- I should be happy. Right?”

“Oh Dream,” the other man flinches back, breath quickening, and Punz’s hand stops short from where he’d almost let it fall onto the other’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be happy, man. Not- not after all of that. Not if you’re not ready yet.” Dream’s eyes, wide and wet, rise to look at their own, and they feel more than hear the soft, wounded noise that leaves their lips. “It’s ok to be hurt. It’s ok to be scared. No one’s blaming you, alright? No one’s gonna hurt you anymore.”

This, more than anything, seems to be the breaking point, because Dream collapses forward, hands flying up to pull at his tangled hair before Punz manages to ease them away and into his own hands, watching as he grips onto them until his knuckles go white. His breathing shudders, quiet, even his sobs muffled as to make as little noise as possible, and they murmur meaningless croons and hums as he cries into their chest.

“I wanna- I wanna be okay,” he hiccups, and Punz smooths his hair back behind their hand.

“I know,” he swallows around the lump that has risen in his own throat. “I’m sorry.”

[jangofctts]

Bloodsport (din djarin x fem!reader) (part one) 

rated: 18+

word count: 5.4k

warnings: smut, knife kink (no blood is drawn and consent is clearly given), blowjobs, vaginal fingering, din is sorta a virg duDE, alcohol, mentions of violence (reader punches someone in the face kwejrkejh), some gambling (sabaac) also please let me know if I missed anything!

a/n: oOf this is the first fic in sO LONG IM SO SORRY YALL KEHJRKEJH BUT ANYWAYS I HOPE YOU ENJOY

It’s been a couple months since Din’s stepped foot on the sandy nightmare of a planet. Went through hell and back and kriff—it feels like a lifetime ago. But the landscape before him hasn’t changed an inch, Mos Eisley same as always—busy with all sorts of scum and villainy he turns a blind eye to. 

Din hopes it’s not the only thing that’s stayed the same—selfish as it is. Someone as volatile as you is bound to catalyze and shift, so is the nature of life. A lot can happen in a month or two and it’s ridiculous to think that you would ever push your life to the side and wait for him to return.    

Turns out, you are here, still working as the resident mechanic. Though in the same elated breath of hearing that tidbit of news, it’s equally dissatisfying when he somehow misses you completely. You’re off planet, looking for power converters and electrical wiring—back in few days Peli promises. Maybe by the time his wild goose chase is over, back from the butt fuck middle of nowhere, he’ll get to see you— 

Nothing goes as planned—naturally. All Din finds is a man playing dress up, an oversized lizard, planetary drama he’s forced to resolve and—to top it all off—an attempted stickup. Maker—he’s not even worried about anything save for the kid and your speeder. The very same one now scattered over the sand in miserable heaps.           

At least some of it is salvageable…

By the time Din reaches the outskirts of Mos Eisley, the binary suns are smearing across the horizon like molten puddles of magma. Deep aches amass in his shoulders and back from the weight of the speeder parts, his gear, and the second pair of armor. Maker—it feels like his arms are going to be ripped off.

The baby babbles something incomprehensible. 

“Almost there, kid,” Din responds, sparing a quick glance down the baby. “How does soup sound?”

Instead of trudging back to the hangar, Din wanders to the cantina. Call it a hunch or just you and your aunt’s tendency to lurk around the premises, he’s certain he’s going to find one of you here. 

Din is right.

The moment he steps inside, he spots your mess of hair, the low solar lights illuminating the rich colors with a soft orange. The baby coos and blinks up at Din, his tiny clawed finger gesturing in your direction. 

Din hums. “Good job—you found her.” 

The child’s little teeth peek out, pleased with his discovery. Din steps into the doorway, down the carven stairs and over to your table. A older man—a ship rigger by the looks of his uniform—sits across from you, a game of Sabaac spread across the table between you. You’re winning. 

“Hello, Shiny.” You greet, dipping your chin in his direction. “Your armor is looking a tad ripe.” 

It’s true. The layer of slime coating his armor had baked and crusted under the suns—probably doesn’t smell too good either… 

“I killed a Krayt dragon.” Din states it with a twinge of smug satisfaction despite knowing how little something like that would mean to you. He could conquer three dozen planets and shower you in all the precious metals in the world and you’d still turn your nose up at everything.  

“And I curb stomped a centipede today—you aren’t special.” Your eyes never leave the set of worn cards you hold between your fingers, acutely ignoring him like you would an overly enthusiastic puppy. You inhale and scrape your right thumbnail along the edge of the hexagonal cardstock—it’s a subtle tell, one Din would more than likely miss if he were the unlucky bastard brave enough to sit at the other end of the table.  

“You playin’ or what?” Your opponent gripes. He scratches his unkempt salt and pepper stubble and quirks a furry brow. 

You lift your chin in scorned defiance and lay your hand down—full Sabaac. The man hisses through his crooked, clenched teeth and utters a curse as he shoves his winnings towards your end of the table.  

“Peli promised me information.” Din pushes, hearing the kid coo in curiosity as you begin shuffling the cards with practiced flare. “About others like me.”

“Do I look like my aunt to you?” You grumble. It’s the first time your eyes leave the perimeter of the game to look at him. They settle on the kid first with a guarded version of compassion, then leap to the faded green armor clipped to the heavy luggage, and then his visor. Your lip twitches at the green slime still coating the beskar. “I’m assuming my speeder didn’t make it.”

“A technical difficulty.”

You roll your eyes and snort, dealing out the cards then setting the stack in the middle. “Right…”

The background ambiance of the bar and the quiet rasp of cards fill the brief lull in conversation. Any other rational person would take the blaring hint to leave, but Din is just as stubborn as you are. 

“I don’t remember where the hangar is,” Din lies, cocking his head to the side in mock innocence, “could you show me?” 

The tip of your tongue peaks out of the corner of your mouth. The unconscious tic is not one of irritation—not yet. Though before you’re able to respond, your opponent beats you to it. 

“Yeah—I know where it is. It’s between fuck off and take a hike.”  

Din turns his head, the cool, even tone of his words sharper than shrapnel as he address the man. “I was speaking to her.”        

This is funny to you Din realizes—one of the tiny mysteries of your entirety clicking into the place of the puzzle map he’s conjured for you. 

“Well, I don’t have the time of day for cowards who wear shiny buckets over their head.” The man gripes into his drink, dark eyes flicking over to Din as he sizes him up. “What’s a Mandalorian doing out here anyway? Thought your planet exploded or something.”

The man’s ignorance irks him—sure. How could it not? But with years of harsh words and jabs at the foundation of Din’s very being, he’s learned to adapt. It’ll always sting no matter how many layers of beskar he wears but you on the other hand…

Your eyes spark, molten and bright like the last solar flare on the surface of a decaying star. Each encounter Din’s had with you, he’s bared witness to the deep well of your anger that fuels your being like the auto-mechanical heart of a droid. He’s felt the bite of your rage firsthand, but this anger—this is the tragedy of the delicate mayfly wings trapped between the black teeth of misfortune—the story of the boy who rammed a spear into the flank of an ancient beast that bites before it barks and gnashes its yellowed teeth in warning.

Din’s hand inches towards his blaster. He’s not willing to weigh the safety of the kid against your rash decisions, despite it being on his behalf.   

Though, just as quick as it appears, it recedes like the cool drawback of a tumultuous ocean. Din’s arm relaxes at his side as you release a puff of air. 

Your scuffed up fingers, stained with years of engine grease, scars and dirt, curl around your half finished drink. You stand, lay your cards face down onto the table and flash the stranger a feral grin.

Without a word, you toss your drink directly into the man’s unsuspecting eyes. In another breath, the pointed edges of your knuckles fly forward and hook beneath the point of his chin with a meaty thunk. The man’s head whips backwards and connects with the gravely wall—

Out like a light.  

Jaw clenched tight, you shake out your bleeding knuckles and gather up the strewn credits over the table. You shove them into the pockets of your jacket and side eye Din. “Restitutions for damages,” you mutter. 

The other patrons keep their eyes to themselves as the three of you hurry out the door. Only an apathetic glance from the bar tender serves as proof that something did, in fact, occur. No one wants to dirty their nose sniffing about where they shouldn’t be when they have their own business to safeguard.

The crisp night air rustles the stray strands of hair that escape from your ponytail. Ghostly moonlight carves the shape of your cheeks into an almost ethereal sight—one of those deep space creatures with pointy teeth and hellfire for eyes. Stuff of legends you’d never think to look in a dingy bar for.     

But he knows—Din knows that cool mask is just a front from what you hide. It is a hungry ghost that hounds your thin stretched shadow—what ifs and the glories of war you never really escaped. You forget that you are flesh and blood and ghosts are only air and echoes, nothing more. 

Din is sharp edged steel. A stray fragment of a shattered mirror, the lacerated reflection of a nameless purpose and a faceless existence. He’s torn edges and cracked glass but his heart beats within his chest with the blood of a thousand suns. Two souls under the umbrella of the word damaged but entirely different in nature.     

“No one—“ you growl, your voice a steady and lethal timbre that terrifies a part of Din’s unconsciousness, “—speaks that way to my friends.” 

Touching. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Creature,” you huff, staring down at the child who gurgles in return. “He deserved it—“

The reunion certainly wasn’t the one Din imagined, though it’s a relief to find that there’s no roughened edge like sandpaper over skin wedged between you. Picked up right where you left off—no questions asked and no inglorious retelling of how Din nearly died on the floor of a shitty cantina. There’s not a doubt in his mind that you'd laugh at him for it—it is sorta funny…   

The rest of the evening is spent walking back to the hangar, arguing over the fact that yes Din should take the couch instead of that miserable little hovel he calls a bed, and spend the night. He’d have to find some other mechanic to work through the night if he wanted to leave in the morning, because you certainly did not want to volunteer for that. And so—Din reluctantly takes the couch and agrees to let you tackle the monstrosity of fixing up his ship for tomorrow. 

He has to admit…the couch is a bit smaller than the length of his body, but it’s comfortable…maybe he’d buy a better blanket while he was here. As a treat.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- 

You purse your lips and whistle. “I swear each time I see it, it gets worse. Y’know, I know a couple guys selling—“ 

“Can you fix it?”

You fold your arms over your chest and roll your eyes.“Yeah I can fix it, jeez—no need to get your undies in a twist.” 

You try not to take offense, because hey—you’re offering him the info on the good deals on new ships (and at this point anything would be better than this old rust bucket). But if Din doesn’t want anything to do with that, then whatever. His loss.   

When you wander onto the ship, toolbox in hand, the Mandalorian tags along. Unsure if he doesn’t trust you with his things or just wants to hang out, it blankets the space with an air of uncertainty. Turns out it was neither of those guesses. All he does is throw open his stash of weapons, collect his pile of vibroknives, and set them on a table to polish and sharpen. 

Makes sense, you suppose. Everything has to be as shiny as his armor. 

You drop to your knees near the closest wiring panel you find. You wrench open the paneling and frown at the disarray of sparking wires and tangled cords. You organized these perfectly last time he was here. “Who the fuck junked up my rigging?”

Mando sits at the little table tucked away in the corner, brooding over his cache of weapons. He shrugs. “Could’ve come loose when I landed.” 

You roll your eyes at his half assed excuse and mutter a foul string of curses under your breath that’d make even Peli wince. It’s fine. It’s cool—no biggie. You can sort through this in a couple hours, maybe three. 

But of course rarely anything goes as planned. As time ticks away, arms deep in wires older than the kriffing Clone Wars, the distractions begin. The scrape of metal on durasteel makes the hair rise into little pricks all up your arms—you shoot a glare over your shoulder. Din tilts his head, your kneeling self reflecting within the ever dark visor, features scrunched into an obvious tell of annoyance. Huffing, you bury your head back into your task at hand. 

The second distraction arrives in the form of a quiet hum of curiosity originating from the Mandalorian. Out of the corner of your eye you see him bring a vibroblade up to his visor, inspecting the notch in the blade that disrupts the electrical current that flows through the weapon. Din then rubs his thumb over the handle of the vibroblade in a slow, sensual circle. You lick your lips and tear your eyes away. That shouldn’t be hot.

You furrow your brows and tear apart another wire, but the metallic tap, tap, tap of Din bouncing the tip of a different blade over the table is bothersome. You swing your head to your left, mouth parting to snap at him, but his hand—sans glove—brings you to a halting stop. 

It’s alluring, the way his long, weathered fingers twirl the knife with practiced ease—like silk through water and followed by the low hum of electricity meant to slice through flesh. Din tosses it in the air, watching it spin three rotations then catches it by the handle. Your lips purse when his visor meets your eyes. He spins it between his fingers.  

“Am I bothering you?”

Fucker.   

You scowl. “It’s fine.” 

The soft rasp of his thumb sliding along the flat of the blade entices the eye and damnit—he’s doing this on purpose. 

“Doesn’t seem fine,” he hums. 

“Well, it is.” You retort hotly. You snatch up your pliers and imagine you’re pulling his teeth out in place of the crooked paneling. “I’m currently thriving in my element.”  

Din hums, the sound buzzing with grainy distortion. “Do you want a closer look?”

You chew your bottom lip. He’s playing with an open flame and you with volatile jet fuel. 

“I don’t know, seems kinda lame from here.” You scoff, busying yourself by pinching and twisting another set of frayed wires between your fingertips. “A toothpick if anything.”

Din snorts behind you. The deadly whisper of beskar against the durasteel tabletop makes the hair on the back of your neck prick into points. You tense as heavy boots shuffle along the floor, the near silent rustle of armor tinkling behind you as Din steps closer. You’re slow to stand, even though the presence of the Mandalorian is no less than overbearing. You wipe your grimy hands onto a spare rag, continuing to face the paneling. You then turn, a coy smile threatening to break across your face. 

Stars Din is broad—and close enough you swear you’re able to see the perspiration of your breath fog the beskar plating. Your eyes follow the seams of the cuirass, across the leather bandolier and up to his helmet that’s fixed in an impassive glare of tempered steel. Your back bumps into the wall as Din takes another step forward, boxing you in. To escape you’d need to duck under his arm and yet…you refuse to move.   

Your breath catches as he languidly lifts his hand and taps the flat side of the vibroblade over your collarbone. The sharpened point tickles up the column of your throat, a crackle of nerves and your pounding pulse following in its wake. Din turns the blade to flat edge and pushes into the space right below your jaw—you squirm when he chuckles, the sound low and deep. 

“You like this…”

Din grunts as your hand reaches between his legs, squeezing the growing hardness there. “So do you.” 

Din circles his hand around your wrist with his free palm. Moons above his hands are warm. He murmurs your name—you shiver. “Tell me you want this—want me.”

A blush, hotter than the surface of Tatooine in the midday sun, rushes up your neck and pools into the apples of your cheeks. Maker you want him. With a shuddering sigh you nod—braving the scathing shrapnel of vulnerability. “I need you, Din—please.”

A low chuckle rumbles through Din’s chest. “Don’t think I’ve ever heard you say please before.”

Din drops his hold on your wrist as you roll your eyes. “Shut up, Bucket Head.”

The Mandalorian snorts and dips his head—gesturing towards the blade still lightly pressed against the base of your throat. “This ok too, Skitter?”

You flash him a wolfish grin. “Gonna fuck me with it?”

Din swears under his breath, crowding his body closer to yours. You hear his strained sigh as he dips his head closer, the beskar a chilly whisper against your cheek. “You’re depraved…take off your pants.”

You smirk, tear off your belt and shimmy out of your pants and underwear, bottom half now bare. His visor dips, entranced.  

Your heart leaps into your throat, your pulse roaring in your ears as he settles one of his bare hands over the swell of your hip while the other trails the blunt edge of the handle from your clothes collarbone, and down your belly. From your mid thigh he skates the handle up your bare thigh and then rests it over the crack of your thigh. Heat flushes through your entire body, a stark contrast to the cool metal of the handle. A shiver races down each vertebrae when he drags it over the swell of your cunt and then carefully pressing it against your clit. You gasp and arch into the light touch, your thighs involuntarily jerking as he increases the pressure. It’s cold, rigid and filthy. Who knows where that knife has been—how many lives it’s taken or severed through muscle and skin. 

You don’t find it in you to care all that much.    

He trades his hold on your hip to slide his hand into your shirt, palming and kneading your breast through your bra as you roll and whine against his fingers. The tight circles he's drawing over your clit burns through your abdomen, drags you closer to the precipice that you’re all ready so close to. Fuck—it’s been so long since you’ve indulged in this sort of pleasure.You whine his name as wicked heat licking up your body and spreading to each limb. You arch into him, the handle of his knife slipping through your folds as arousal drips from your cunt.   

Your groan as you tilt your hips into the handle, craving any lick of pleasure he’ll give. Your breath hitches as Din pushes the hilt closer to your throwing entrance, murmuring praise as he sinks the first couple inches inside of you. It’s cold—the knobby feel of the handle not too much thicker than one or two of your fingers combines. You huff and grab at his cowl, the warmth of his hand grazing your pussy each time he rocks his wrist forward. 

“You’re so quiet,” Din goads, pulling the handle free from your aching center. “You usually have plenty to say.” 

You shoot Din a glare, tongue weighed down by arousal to come up with a god retort. You lean your head back against the wall of the Crest and with a chuckle, Din’s hand leaves your shirt to pull you against his chest, the vocoder rumbling against your ear. The blade clatters to the floor and instead brings his calloused fingertips to your cunt. He softly rolls your swollen clit between his forefinger and thumb, delighting in the way you shake. “Be a good little thing and cum for me.”

Shit, you didn’t think it’d be that easy. Your body seizes as white hot heat ripples through your core. Stars, brighter than a dying sun burst behind your eyes, a high pitched cry filtering past your lips as shake and fall apart in his arms, your cunt clenching tight around the thick fingers he slips inside of you. 

You whine as he pulls out, little aftershocks of pleasure wracking through your body in wake of your euphoric high. You groan as he lifts your head and pushes his digits, coated in your juices into your mouth. You lick them clean, tasting the tang of your own arousal and the salt on his skin. “Fuck—that was good.”

You can only imagine that Din rolls his eyes. He takes a step back but before he can escape—

You drop to your knees, a wicked smile curling over your lips. The muscles in his thighs jump as your palms smooth over the outsides of them, then up to his narrow hips, your thumbs lightly massaging the ligaments that protects the fragile joints. Din sucks in a sharp breath when your fingertips hook around his trousers. 

“What are you doing?” Din asks, brushing a thumb over your jaw. 

You pause and glance up at him. You quirk a brow. “Was gonna suck you off, but if you have something else in mind…“ He hisses and tips his head back, flashing the underside of his chin as your hand leaves his hip to cup the heavy bulge tenting in his trousers. 

“Maker—“ He looks off to the side, inhales a choppy breath and then snaps his head back. “You’d…you’d do that?”   

You nod and flash him an encouraging half grin. “Wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to.”

Din mumbles an incoherent string of words under his breath and shifts his weight onto his right leg. His fingers touch your cheek again then tuck a loose hair behind your ear. “But—“

Moons above this man is straight out of some kind of fucking fairytale—arguing about getting his dick sucked—or not. 

Whatever.       

“Din…” His breath hitches at the sound of his name. “I’m asking you kindly to fuck my mouth—it’s cool if you don’t wanna, but my knees already kriffing hurt and—“

He cuts you off with a hasty nod. “Yes—stars, please.”

Fuck yeah.

You smile and slide your eyes past Din’s legs to the cargo crate shoved up against the wall. “You should sit—easier that way.”

He nods and shuffles over, lightly perching himself on the edge and ready to flee at the barest hint of well—anything.

Din’s knee jumps when you place your palm over it. You assume his nerves are from the nature of his occupation—trouble always strikes when you least expect it—and what better time would that be when his pants are around his ankles. “Relax—I’m not gonna bite—maybe.”

He makes a wary sound low in his throat as your fingertips hook into the waistband of his trousers and pull. Din lifts up as you tug the fabric further down his legs, tan skin and solid muscle following in its wake. Fuck…

You swallow, mouth feeling quite dry when your eyes drift between his legs. Din is thick, a rosy brown color, flushed at the tip and curling towards his bellybutton. Beads of liquid shine at the tip, dribbling down the underside and pooling into the dark patch of curls at the base. Din’s fingers hook over the side of the crate, squirming under the weight of your stare. 

Yeah—that’s gonna leave your jaw aching.    

You hear his breath hitch, magnified by the crackle of the vocoder as your lips descend over a silvery scar on the inside of his right knee. You pepper a trail of wet kisses and light nips up his thighs, and by the time you reach the crease of his leg, his hips mindlessly rock with need. 

The second the wet warmth of your tongue brushes over the tip of his cock, his hips jolt off the crate, a load groan echoing through the empty ship. It’s like striking a match to an open line of kerosene—devouring and explosive that’ll leave your delicate skin singed. You’re not nervous playing with fire if this barest scrap of wild heat is anything like burning to a crisp. 

Emboldened by his initial reaction, you wrap your hand around the base, pulsing and achingly hard beneath the velvety flesh. You flatten your tongue over the tip, lapping up the sticky liquid the slip the head of him into your mouth. His hands fly to your hair, tightening into fists as he throws his head back. The beskar scrapes over the durasteel with a sharp squeal, but you don’t find it in you to care about the abrasive sound—eardrums be damned.  

“Fuck—kriffing hell—“ Din snarls, arching his hips to seek more of your warmth. “K-keep going.”  

Your own rekindled arousal blazes hot in your core hearing his stuttered pleas. You pull away to catch your breath, feeling almost guilty for doing so at Din’s low whine of protest. He picks his head up, watching as you languidly jerk him off—entranced with the way your hand rolls over the leaking tip, back down to the base, then up again. You could keep him like this—tease until he cracks under the pressure and begs you for whatever iota of pleasure you want to give but—

You’re not that mean.    

Wetting your lips with your tongue, you part your mouth and slide nearly half of his length into your mouth. Din mutters something garbled, his hips jolting as you hollow your cheeks and bob your head.

Din shifts, arching his back and stuttering out broken whispers of encouragement. Placing your hand over his thigh, you can feel his pulse thrumming beneath your fingertips, wild and alive—something real beneath all that heavy armor and unforgiving helmet. 

“You—you look…” He grunts as you hum around around his cock, swallowing him down further. “Shit—you look so p-perfect like this.”

You groan and squeeze your thighs together, attempting to ignore the gnawing hunger snapping at your insides. 

Rolling your tongue along the underside of his shaft, your fingers slide over what your mouth cant reach—squeezing and gently coaxing him towards his high. He seizes up tight—yet, just when you think you’ve got him skidding off that precarious edge—

His hand fists your hair at the base your neck and yanks you off his cock. He huffs, breathy little pants as he folds into himself like he’s been punched in the gut, his head rolling forward onto his shoulder. Din shivers as he scrambles for control, beginning to loose that slippery foothold he’s so intent on maintaining. His cock, flushed an angry red and still slick with your saliva, twitches and throbs for the release so cruelly wrenched away. 

You let him catch his breath. The fingers tangled in your hair go lax and drop away to rest at his sides. You swallow, his previous skittishness suddenly clicking into place. “Din, are you…?” A virgin. Your question tapers off, unsure if it’ll embarrass and scare him off. 

“No,” he answers—not in a sharp way like you’d hear with a bruised ego—just stating a fact. “Just not—not this. Never had someone—stars—“

Your teeth roll your bottom lip between them, forcing your face to remain neutral despite the stroke of pride blooming singing in your chest. You’re his first—lucky enough to make this the best goddamned oral he’ll ever have. Something he’ll remember for years.  

“Do you want me to stop?” You ask, praying to the Maker he’ll say no. 

He shakes his head, sucking in another calming breath and unfurling himself. His fingers clench into fists then relax, crackling with pent up energy and unsure nerves as to where he should put them. You solve it by threading your fingers through his and placing them around you head. 

Your lips quirk. “You’re allowed to cum in mouth—don’t worry about it.”

His cock twitches as a quiet moan fizzles through the modulator. “You su-sure?”

“Oh, yeah.”

With a smile you bring your mouth back to his cock, tongue swiping up the entire length of him. Din groans as the soft warmth of your mouth slips over the flushed tip of cock, his thick length twitching as you hollow out your cheeks and suck. You bob your head as you slowly work him in further because even like this, hardly halfway into your mouth, you feel your lips stretching a bit too much around him. You groan and part your mouth wider, letting him sink into the soft warmth of your throat.  Din inhales, the sound shaky and unsure as his hips twitch with a few tentative thrusts. 

You take it slow—lifting your mouth nearly all the up to the tip then back down to the base. Din rolls his hips, helping you ease into the gentle pace. Saliva drips down his cock and over your knuckles making an absolute mess you have zero intentions of cleaning up. It’s his ship after all. Din swears as his hips stutter, your hand squeeing around him, trying to push him off that edge he so deserves. Din gasps your name, the pitch of his words knocking up to a lighter, more airy tone, warmer than melted butter. 

“Ca-can’t believe, it—ah—it fits.” He groans with astonished reverence. You preen under his praise. 

You swallow around him and grunt at the abrupt jolt of his hips. There’s no distinctive rhythm you can follow as you let him rock his hips into your mouth—seeking out his pleasure without a coherent thought in sight. Just a cacophony of gasping breaths and rough moans. 

You can feel is cock twitching over you tongue—he’s close—and when your eyes roll up to meet the darkened visor, he’s gone. He shouts your name and knots his fists around your hair as he spirals of that edge. You nearly gag from the force of his release hitting the back of your throat—cock throbbing and jerking in your mouth like he’s been denying himself release for months. His moans, fragile and gasping, filling the quiet space as his hips grind his cock deeper down your throat, his hands threaded into your hair acting as an anchor—the sole tether he has to the waking world. 

Din’s grip relents as the last few catastrophic waves tear through his body. He doesn’t move his hands, just lets them rest over your skull  as his chest heaves for precious air, a harsh crackle through the vocoder. You pull his still twitching cock halfway out, dragging the tip of your tongue below the frenulum while one of your hands circles the base of his length. Maker—he’s still going—

Last little dribbles of his cum spurt onto your tongue and drip over your knuckles still securely wrapped around him. His legs and lower abdomen flex when your hand falls lower to carefully knead at his balls, milking out his pleasure for all its worth. You let his softening cock slip from your mouth when he swears and mumbles your name.      

When you rest your back against the wall, he slips himself back into his trousers and joins you. You take a risk and rest your head over the chilly beskar pauldron. You’d never call this love—the word is much too harsh for this delicate string of seconds. Love means giving pieces of yourself to others like martyrs give their hearts to the sky—or risk fragile skin against the rays of an unforgiving sun. Broken ribs and clenched fists, immensity beyond comprehension—

“You should come with us,” he says with a hesitant mumble. Love is formidable—but you know that somehow, here, pressed against Din’s side, that this is right. In a golden way, a honeyed way, a path that tastes of blood, freedom and blaster smoke that will leave your lungs stained with blackened soot. Cowardice has long made a home inside of your soul, and he’s offering you a chance to shake off the layer of frost clinging to your bones and step into the gentle merciful dawn.  

“Yeah—alright, Din. I will.”

tags (only tagging some moots for now bc i have no clue what’s going on in this fandom anymore dbdndn): @goldafterglow @jango-fettish @djxrxn @blsmjoon @spookoofins @krissology @steeeeeeeviebb @teaofpeach @comphersjost @gummiishark @delusionsxfgrandeur @pettyprocrastination @huliabitch

[firefly464]

The Gilded Cage - Chapter 3

I felt like you guys could use some nice fluff after yesterday, so we zoomed to get this chapter out. Also, oh my god i have so many ideas im so excited ahahahahah

ALSO!! IMPORTANT NOTICE!!! The first section of Chapter 5 of The Real World has been edited slightly. I recommend you go back and reread it :)

Written in collaboration with @i-have-this-now :D

Thank you @rivys for beta reading, editing, and writing :D

Master Post

First -  Previous - Next

~~~

“Alright then, Eret. Talk to me.”

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to calm himself. “George, it’s all…” he trailed off, unable to explain exactly what he was thinking. “What… what happened to me?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

George scoffed. “Did you not hear me when I said you got shot? Did you miss that bit?”

Bad hit him lightly on the arm. “George! That’s not how you support a friend through a trying time!”

“What?! I’m not wrong, am I?”

“Eret, here.” Bad moved himself over on the bed to sit right next to Eret. “We found you passed out in the woods with an arrow sticking out of your arm, so we brought you back here and patched you up.”

“You also were nearly frozen to death. Honestly, I think the reason you didn’t bleed out sooner is because the blood froze over or… something.” George shrugged, a little too nonchalant for Eret’s tastes. “I dunno, I’m not a doctor.”

Bad frowned. “That reminds me… Why were you even out there without a coat? It’s the middle of winter!” 

“I- what?” Eret asked, caught off guard by the question. Hadn’t it just been mid summer? He shook his head. He was in some sort of fucked up world, why was he surprised by a change in seasons? 

Even so, it made sense. It explained why he had passed out in the first place. After all, running through the woods in the dead of winter without anything to protect him from the cold was a surefire way to give himself hypothermia. Thinking back on it, it was surprising that he managed to last as long as he did. Any longer, and he very likely would have died. 

George cleared his throat, dragging Eret back to the present. He realized that his friends were looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. “I uh…” He stammered, trying to come up with a decent excuse. “I didn’t exactly have time to grab a jacket. They were kinda chasing me out…” 

George’s eyes narrowed. “Who?”

Bad’s let out a small gasp of surprise as he realized what Eret meant. He quickly stood, trying to take the heat off his friend. “Well, you don’t need to worry about them now!” he exclaimed, trying to hint to George that now wasn’t the time. “Here, how about we get you situated? Do you want something to drink?”

Eret stared numbly up at him. “Why are you being so… nice to me?”

“Because we’re friends,” Bad stated as though it were fact. “And you deserve it. Come on, I’ll make some cookies, and you can rest while I do that, okay? George, give him your jacket.”

“What?!” He sputtered. “Bad, I’m not giving him my--”

“Give it.” Something in Bad’s eyes must have made George decide to change his mind right then. The man nodded and grabbed a coat from a nearby hanger and chucked it over to Eret. 

Almost instinctively, Eret tried to raise his arm to swat away the incoming coat. Pain tore through him, causing him to let out a small gasp. 

“Hey, careful! You don’t want to tear your stitches,” Bad said quickly, rushing to check that the stitches were undamaged. “You’re still healing.”

Eret only watched as his friend undid the bandages that wrapped around his bicep, trying not to wince. His eyes widened when he saw the torn skin, slightly swollen around the places where string held it together. It wasn’t red or bloody, in fact, it looked like it was at least a few days old. He frowned. 

“How long was I out?” He asked. 

“A day, maybe?” Bad held out his hand towards George, not looking away from the wound. “Could you grab some of the gauze I just prepped? I might as well replace it.” 

Eret frowned as he watched George walk out of the small, curtained room. He could hear the sounds of shuffling in what he assumed to be the kitchen. 

“A day…?” He asked, glancing down at the scar on his arm. The faint, red line looked several days old, with only a minimal amount of swelling around it. There was no way it had only been a day. Injuries just didn’t heal that quickly. “How is it healing so fast?” 

“We tried our best to close the wound as quickly as possible. It would have been better if we had been able to get to you sooner, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers,” Bad sighed. “It didn’t help that you were half frozen to death, so we needed to take care of that first before we could even begin thinking about your arm -- hey George! Grab some regen pots while you’re out there please!”

“Splash potions or normal?” George called from beyond the curtains.

“Normal. We’ve already taken care of most of the outer damage. Now it’s just a matter of getting back all that blood he lost” 

Eret sat in confusion, his gaze darting back and forth between the shadow creature in front of him, and the curtain. “That uh… That doesn’t explain how this looks a week old.” 

“Well, your buddy Bad knows a thing or two about healing people,” the demon chuckled. “I soaked the bandages in healing potions so that your wound would close up safely.”

Eret stared at the scar on his arm in wonder. “Holy shit, Bad, that’s genius.”

“Language!”

He looked down, having the courtesy to at least look somewhat ashamed “Sorry…” 

“It’s alright, you muffin,” Bad laughed. “Didn’t I tell you guys to use this technique already? You know it’s really not healthy to just drink health potions, right? Have you not been taking care of yourself?”

Eret grimaced. “Well, it wasn’t exactly… common in L’Manberg, per se?”

Bad’s face fell. “Don’t tell me. Did Wilbur forget? I know I told him how to!”

“I honestly have no clue,” Eret shrugged. It wasn’t technically a lie, he really didn’t know, but the reason why was entirely different than the implication.

Bad nodded, pride shining on his face. “Well, Eret, I can guarantee you that as long as you stay here with us, we’ll take good care of you.”

~~~

Eret woke slowly and peacefully, a surprise to everyone in the community house. His eyes fluttered open at the sound of a knocking in the doorway, and was startled to see Bad tapping his knuckle against the wall, a plate in his other hand.

“Heya, sleepy-head!”

“What are you--” Eret sat up and rearranged his pillows to support his aching back. “What are you doing?”

The demon grinned. “I’m bringing you cookies, what does it look like?” He sat the plate he was holding down on Eret’s nightstand with a clink.

Eret stared, dumbfounded. “Why?”

“Lots of reasons!” Bad replied, smoothing out the wrinkles in his jacket. “I figured you weren’t feeling too great, so I wanted to do something nice for you to cheer you up!”

“Oh.”

“Plus, cookies taste better than potions, so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone and put the regeneration potion into the cookies.”

“Oh.”

“You have to make sure you eat all of them, okay? Doctor’s orders! I made sure to keep it a small batch so you wouldn’t get stuffed.”

“Oh...” Eret could only stare at the six perfectly round cookies sitting on the plate next to him. This was real, physical proof that somebody here cared about him -- really cared.

Why?

Eret couldn’t think of a good reason why anyone here should care about him. He had betrayed L’Manburg, or so everyone in this world thought. He was untrustworthy. He could turn on his friends at any moment. It would have been in Bad’s best interest to leave him freezing out in the snow, to leave him to die, but he hadn’t. Bad had done the opposite. So--

“Why?” he muttered.

The demon furrowed his brow. “Why what? What do you mean?”

“Why do you…” Eret stared down at his hands, unsure of what exactly he felt. “Why do you care? You have no reason to, I-- I’m a traitor. For all you know, I could turn on you, I could stab you in the back, I could...” he trailed off, not daring to finish his sentence.

A small scoff sounded from the open curtain. “Please, you wouldn’t do that.” 

Eret glanced up. George was once more standing in the makeshift doorway, his arms crossed in front of him. “You’ve already invested way too much into this, you wouldn’t just throw it away. Besides, I like to think of it as a double agent. Sounds much cooler than being a traitor.” 

Bad turned and faced George with a disappointed frown. “George.”

“What?” The man glanced around nervously. “I’m not wrong.”

Bad sighed and faced Eret once more. “Well, I guess…” He trailed off, seemingly deciding what words fit his answer best. “I think that everyone deserves to have someone that cares about them. And I already cared about you before I found you in the snow.”

“Besides, we all knew what would happen once you pressed that button,” George added, a soft smile on his face. “We all accepted it, and we knew what would happen. You weren’t the only one in the final control room. We’re in this together.” 

He could only watch as Bad took a seat on the side of his bed.“You’re our friend, Eret. You still deserve love, and a warm bed, and some nice cookies, no matter what you’ve done. And I want to be able to give that to you, for as long as you’ll let me.”

Eret blinked hard, trying to clear away the tears that threatened to spill over. “Do you mean that?”

A warm smile crossed his face. “Of course! Besides, I may have not approved of your plan, but I still vowed to stay neutral. I knew that this was going to happen, and I’m here to help you through it.” 

Eret gave up. The dams he had put up broke, and tears began to stream down his face. He tackled his friend and held him in a tight hug, not daring to let him go. It was slightly strange, considering the fact that his friend was some sort of shadowy-demon monster, but it didn’t matter. The hug was still filled with warmth and love.

It was enough to make a traitor cry.

He could feel a second pair of arms wrap around them as George nestled his head in the space between the other two’s bodies and let out a content sigh. Their tangle of limbs was slightly awkward, but none of them cared. Both George and Bad were too focused on trying to support their friend, and Eret wasn’t focused at all. 

Bad rubbed Eret’s back, trying to comfort him as much as he possibly could. Eret’s throat was too tight for him to say what he meant just then, but he hoped that this embrace said it for him.

Thank you.

~~~

Master Post

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[secretsniper3]

Part 4: Tough Day

I awake with my hands where they can usually be found in the morning, clamped around my belt while fluid pours out between my legs. Master has kept me on denial for 3 days now and I can barely take it any more. only 2 days ago I was edged in a electricity fuelled nightmare and yesterday i was edged by a mystery woman and forced to walk for hours as a latex maid, sweeping up dust and cooking duties. To go from such a high back to the normal, well, I wanted the high again, Craved it even, to feel the caress of another on my body and be pleasured beyond reckoning. with my morning edges still out of reach and my clit throbbing even now I stand to get ready but hear a knock on my door as my Master enters the room.

“We are having a party today, my Dear, and I want you to look your best, red lips, high heels and a dress.” he says as he walks to the wardrobe and pulls out a blue silk dress. “this dress will do nicely. You will wear nothing else and wait here till i come and get you.” he says as I hear a knock on the front door. I nod as he leaves and begin to dress myself..

---------------- Meanwhile --------------

As the front door opens I stand there in all my glory, long blue hair caressing my back in my black dress and heels, im welcomed into the house by the Master and step inside, he takes my coat and offers me a refreshment. Gladly accepting he returns with 2 glasses of champagne and hands me 1. “To a glorious party!” the Master says, I raise my glass and drink to the toast and begin to discuss the entertainment, glancing at the stairs knowingly and as I do I feel light headed. Grasping my head I quickly put the glass on the table moments before my world goes black. “YOU will be MY entertainment later on.” the Master says with a laugh.

Waking up but keeping my eyes shut I shift around a bit, making a barely audible grunt in the process, my attempt to rub my eyes is met with immediate resistance and my eyes fly open and, to my horror I find Im bound. Ropes crossing all over my body as my attention is pulled to the tubes running out of my nose and mouth. The Master playing with my bound form I shift around and make my reawakened state known to him, with a laugh he tells me to relax as I feel plastic push into my urethra I wince at the discomfort. Having another laugh at my expense he leans in close to my face and says “you were never invited to my little party my dear, i simply wanted you here for a little fun for a few days.” and with that he checks that my bindings are secure, arms in a strict bind behind my back, elbows and wrists pressed against their counterparts and then pushed against my back, useless there but I guess thats the idea. My pussy and ass have intruders and they are not small, my ass stretched wide to accommodate my new friend in there and my pussy feels like its near capacity if it isnt already. My clit feels pressure from a suction cup and my new Master, seemingly reading my mind said “it vibrates too.” Im in trouble and I know it, but powerless to stop it. Looking around for anything to help I see a box nearby and a hatch in the floor is raised, my heart skips a beat and a half.

Confirming I am completely trapped he places earpieces in my ears and a hood over my head to lock them in, I can still see and theres holes for my tubes, my hair poking through the back as it always does. Lifting me into the box Im glad to feel and see its padded with foam covered in black silk, I barely fit in there but he manoeuvres me into the box without much difficulty. Pushing my tubes and earpiece cables through the wooden lid, I know that when he closes it I wont be able to open it without first releasing myself, highly unlikely, as he seals me in I feel my new home lifted again and then lowered, landing with a soft thud I hear another lid closing, Im in another, bigger box.

Before I think this could get much worse for me I hear something in my ears, its soft but among the words are “slave.. submit.. property..” its too quiet to make out what words that are in-between.. Drinking in the darkness thats swallowed me my ass, pussy and clit hum to life with a speed that makes me jump, or I would but I could only manage a slight twitch, these binding were too strong for me. Hearing nothing over the humming the words grow louder in my ears! Hearing it clear as if spoken right in front of me its saying “you are now a slave, you will submit as you are now property”. Eyes widening further as it repeats in my ears, its all I can hear, the hum of my tormentors only scratching at the noise Im hearing. Above me, hard at work my new Master has plugged my mouths tube to a tube under the floor, my nose tube running up the legs on the table placed above me, noone will know Im even there at all.

-----------------------------------------------

Waiting patiently on my bed for my Master he enters wearing a black suit, looking incredible as always and seemingly effortless I stand and let him inspect my clothes. “very nice indeed, youll be the life of the party” he says with a smile. Leading me downstairs as someone knocks at the door, the guests have arrived. Standing up straight as my pussy relentlessly pulses juice down my legs I lower my head as the guests enter, Women and Men dressed for a fancy dinner, 3 even bringing slaves of their own. The party begins and everyone has a chance to mingle, I stand at my Masters side as he brags about me to his friends, I wait patiently, unable to speak without permission as a hour passes.

Making his way onto a elevated platform my Master calls for attention. “im so glad so many of you came to enjoy the show, my slave has been denied for days on end with potent drugs keeping her thighs slick with her pre.” pointing at my legs, they shine with my fresh coatings, I blush as everyone looks at me. “let the entertainment commence!” my Master shouts as he takes my hand and pulls the cloth off of a small box on the platform. A Sybian with a large, hollow dildo with holes all over it, it will fill me and collect my juices and cum completely. Without wasting time my Master tears my dress from my body as I scream at the aggressiveness, other men hold my arms as my Master removes my belt from my hips and with a loud clang it hits the floor. Pulling me down Im forced onto the dildo, it sliding effortlessly inside me and metal restraints are secured around my legs and waist, a armbinder goes around my arms and is pulled painfully tight in a way that pulls my elbows together, thrusting my bare breasts out for all to marvel at.

The crowd gazing at me as my Master puts a large glass bowl with a hole in its base on a tube protruding from the ground, clearly, whatever goes in that bowl is going down that tube. My Master doesnt go easy on me as the sybian bursts to life and I start my orgasmic fuelled torture, cumming only microseconds after the first vibration, inserting the dildo having brought me to the brink, within seconds Im screaming again as I cum again and again. My Master pulls a gag out of his pocket and silences my screams as men and women surround me and the men start stroking their cocks while the women rub their clit, being told by my Master to cum in the bowl as much as they want with 4 men obliging immediately, shooting hot cum in the bowl as it flows down the tube to its destination as my eyes roll back into my head, a never-ending orgasmic hell of a day ahead.

-----------------------------------------------

“You are now a Slave, you will Submit as you are now Property.. You are now a Slave, you will Submit as you are now Property” it burns into my mind! Etching itself into my very core as my orgasms continue to crest and flow, my pussy gushing and my blue hair wet with sweat I feel something touch my tongue. Its hot, sticky and tastes weird, opening my eyes in darkness as I realize its cum, and not a small amount either, It keeps flowing into my mouth! Jamming my tongue into the tip of the tube solves nothing as my new Master has drilled holes around the tip to ensure Im getting my food, its slick and coating my throat and Im forced to keep swallowing as my mind fills with my Masters words. “ You are now a Slave, you will Submit as you are now Property.”

-----------------------------------------------

Pleasure beyond imagination, thats all I am now. Orgasm after orgasm after orgasm being torn from my pussy with reckless Abaddon with no way to stop it, you tried thrashing around but they simply added a corset and posture collar to make it more fun. Nipples clamps bring the promise of pain and white pads on my thighs speak to a different pain as they light up with electricity. Flowing from 1 pad through my pussy and to the other pad, as well as from nipple to nipple. My screaming now escaping my gag as the currents keep increasing. Orgasms followed by pain only to be dulled by the next orgasm! its endless! a sharp pain on my chest causes me to look for the source, a man holding a flogger, my abused, electrified nipples copping more punishment from a man I dont know while my Master talks to his guests. 5 men now stand, beating off to the orgasming girl before them, cumming in the very full glass bowl and showing no signs of stopping, glancing to the table of food and drinks I see a glass with blue pills in it. This is going to continue for a long time as my Master steps up to me, hard cock in hand. “you must be hungry for something” he says, removing my gag only to replace it with his throbbing cock. Fucking my throat is easy enough at this point, I have no resistance to mount from my orgasmic overload, shooting his load down my throat I swallow as I cum in turn, moaning in a mix of pain and pleasure as the cock is removed. Another cock pushes into my mouth and fucks away, its 1 of my Masters guests making use of me and after he is done the cock is replaced with a soaked pussy, the woman grinding greedily away at my tongues assault on her horny folds.

Now men and women are cumming in the offering bowl, and I see a tube leading from the sybian to above the bowl, a clear fuid running into it, Im contributing to the offerings whether I like it or not, the vibrations increasing in speed catching me off guard I moan into the current pussy sealed around my mouth as my orgasmic pace quickens, now cumming with passion I didnt know I had the fluid from my pipe beating out the cum shooting from the men and women, Im easily besting them all by myself Though they havnt spent days being edged nonstop but if I only knew where it was going I wouldn't be turned on by that. More people join the line-up to fuck my face as I continue cumming. No longer having individual orgasms, they have fused into 1 continuous orgasm pouring cum into the dildo I straddle with reinforced need, I dont want this to end, Im afraid I'll never get a chance to cum again after today my arousal heightens as my mind goes blank.

Awakening in a familiar pose, I realize Im still straddling the sybian and it still going at full speed. Having passed out, even momentarily, my senses are through the roof now as I scream into the cock now in my throat. Cum flowing freely down my dildo and into the bowl as well as down my throat. People have started to calm down around me, the drug induced haze clearing from them, but not me as they are not bolted to a sybian at max speed. 1 by 1 the partygoers leave untill its just me and my Master, and a still maxed out sybian with a stream of cum flowing into the bowl, my Master places a chair infront of me and sits, cock in hand as he plays with his throbbing meat. Taking the opportunity to look around, the house is spotless, the only mess in the room is me with a cum stained face and the bowl before me. Shooting a fresh load into the bowl my Master laughs and walks away, leaving me to moan as the sybian does what it was build to do, and then some.

With a gut full of fresh cum Im unbolted from the hellish device, unable to stand under my own strength my Master carries me to a chair and sits me down, Im amazed Im not sitting on a dildo now, but my pussy feels sadly empty now, spending all day with it inside me I now miss it dearly. My Master turning off the sybian Im led to the showers where he cleans and massages Me, my Master always knew how to reward me after such a marathon. Towelling me off Im amazed that its 8pm already, how time flies when your having fun cumming in a whirl of pleasure, my chastity belt reattached when I return to my room, my ballet boots locked on and a latex hood and gloves are added. With a kiss on your head and a simple “Goodnight my Slave” I lay in bed and instantly fall asleep.

Walking down the stairs My Master stares at a rug under a table with a smile on his face. Turning to set up the next device will be fun knowing the blue haired beauty will be done in a few days time. “Sleep well my new Slave” he mutters under his breath with a laugh.

[pellucidity-is-me]

A Plan

Summary: Albus Dumbledore hears of a small boy—Remus Lupin—who was recently bitten by a dangerous werewolf. The boy-turned-werewolf is only five, but Dumbledore has already made the decision that he will someday be enrolled in Hogwarts: a feat which has never been achieved. First chapter from my longer fic (link in blog description)!

Wordcount: 2727

Dumbledore sat in the Hog's Head, trying to avoid the gaze of his furious brother. They never talked now. Dumbledore could understand why, but it did feel a bit childish to be bickering like... well, like siblings. He listened to Aberforth scrubbing the counter in a sort of agonized rhythm. Aberforth was still staring, eyes narrowed—perhaps Dumbledore could not see it, but he could feel it. "Just a few more minutes and I'll be out of your hair, Aberforth," Dumbledore said lightly. "I am afraid that this is the easiest place for secret information to remain secret."

"I had to shut down my pub, just for you," scowled Aberforth. "We can't all be rich and famous, Albus. Some of us have to make an honest living instead of pulling political strings for the greater good."

Dumbledore winced. All of their meetings went like this. "This is important," he said. "And Clark is an honest man."

"Clark Darnall is a werewolf."

"An honest werewolf, then. He is doing good work and he has important information. I might as well offer him a drink at one of the best pubs in Britain."

"Flattery won't work on me."

"I am not trying to flatter. I truly do not mean to bother you, Aberforth—" Dumbledore glanced up at the portrait of Ariana and sighed. "I do not mean to bother you," he said again. "Please. One hour."

"I wish the whole world knew that you aren't the paragon of light they think you are," hissed Aberforth, slamming down his towel. He sat down behind the counter. Dumbledore heard him cross his arms.

Silence. The only noise in the room was the sounds of Aberforth's annoyed huffs and the tapping of Dumbledore's long fingers on the tabletop.

Minutes passed. Suddenly, the door flew open.

"Albus Dumbledore. Oh, thank you fer meetin' me." Clark looked just the same as ever—all mussed brown hair, unhealthy frame, dirty face, and ripped robes. His strange accent was the same as ever. Clark Darnall had been bitten at age nine and had escaped to Greyback's werewolf pack shortly after. The pack, from what Dumbledore understood, was a conglomeration of all kinds of different people and nationalities. Clark's accent was a strange combination of a lot of different places. He hadn't lived in human civilization in a little less than twenty years. Dumbledore's heart ached for his plight.

"My pleasure. Sit down, Clark. Aberforth, if you would..."

"Don't speak to me," said Aberforth, slamming two cups of Butterbeer on Dumbledore's table. Dumbledore stole a glance at Aberforth for the first time. Sure enough, Aberforth looked ready to kill him. Never mind that, thought Dumbledore. He turned his attention back to Clark. Dumbledore's relationship with his brother, he suspected, was a lost cause.

"You said that you had pertinent information, old friend?" said Dumbledore gently, and Clark bobbed his head up and down.

"Yes. Yes, sir, I do. I... werewolves... you know. No one listenin' in?"

"Not a one. Except for Aberforth, but he's a very moral man. He can keep a secret."

Aberforth scrubbed harder and grunted an agreement.

"Tha' man. Aberforth. He doesn't like werewolves much, hunh?"

Dumbledore smiled. Clark wasn't usually this blunt, but a werewolf who had lived amongst other werewolves all his life often misjudged humans' ability to hear spoken comments. Heightened senses were a blessing and a curse. Mostly a curse, according to Clark. "He can hear you, Clark."

"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Ab... Aberforth. So sorry."

Aberforth did not grace this with a reply, so Dumbledore broke the awkward silence. "How much time do you have?"

"'Bout an hour till Greyback notices I'm gone, p'raps less. I should hurry."

"I'm listening." Dumbledore took a sip of Butterbeer.

"Greyback's been excited lately. Dare I say over the moon." Clark chuckled weakly. "There was this man, while ago. Fergot his name. Somethin' like... Loopy, I guess. I'll remember later, prob'ly. But he sort of insulted Greyback... Greyback had a spot of trouble with the Ministry, you see, and was brought in fer a proper hearing. Pretended he was a Muggle tramp. Almost got away with it, 'parently, but... the bloke, Loopy... he didn't buy it at all. Clever man."

"Do you know anything else about this man?"

"Greyback was goin' on abou' Boggarts. 'Parently the bloke was an expert... and then they hired him at the Ministry. Somethin' like Crocodile fer a first name... you know my mem'ry's not all there, Albus."

Dumbledore paused. An expert on Boggarts who had been hired by the Ministry... Crocodile Loopy? Dumbledore's mind started to conjure pictures of the young man whom he had taught years earlier... brown hair, shy demeanor, studied various subjects for fun... sense of humor... got into fights with other Hogwarts students at times. Mostly mild-mannered, but a temper. "Lyall Lupin," he said heavily. "It was Lyall, wasn't it? I taught him." Dumbledore started to picture what possibly could have happened between Greyback and Lyall that made Greyback so happy... a fight, perhaps? Lyall lost? The full moon was a few weeks ago... was Lyall killed? Or bitten? Poor man.

"Yup, Lyall Lupin. Tha' was it, I'm sure of it. Well, Lyall saw righ' through Greyback. His coworkers didn't believe him, and Greyback mentioned... Greyback said they sort of taunted Lupin a bit. Seemed happy abou' it, whatever it was, but I don't know what they said. Ministry let Greyback free and tried to Obliviate him, but Greyback escaped. Ministry knows what 'e looks like now. Greyback was hoppin' mad abou' tha', he was. Face's all over the papers. Can't go undercover anymore. But 'parently Lupin said that... werewolves were... heartless, soulless... creatures? I do'nno. Also implied we should all die."

Dumbledore closed his eyes. Oh, Lyall...

"So I guess Lupin both insulted Greyback and outed his appearance to the media, and Greyback was goin' on abou' revenge for a full day. 'Twas the day before the day of the full, you know. He was tellin' the story to everyone who would listen. Called us all together. Plotted his revenge. Said he was goin' over to Lupin's and killin' him. Said if the whole world knew who he was, he might as well make it worth it."

"And...?"

"And he went over to Lupin's a bit before the moon rose. Came back. Looked pleased. Blood all over."

Dumbledore felt a bit ill. "Lyall...?"

"Perfectly fine. 'Parently Greyback went out and scouted the area. Watched the house fer a bit. S'not just Lyall livin' there, he has a family. Wife. Kid."

Dumbledore felt even more ill.

"You know how Greyback goes after the kids. Ecstatic that there was a little lad there. Big Lupin got away with not even a scratch, he did, but Greyback meant to kill the kid."

So there was hope after all. "Meant to?"

"Meant to. Lad was only 'bout five, Greyback says. Tiny thing. Asleep before half-seven. You know children tha' young don't survive the firs' full, so there was no point in bitin' him and lettin' him live. So Greyback decided to... you know. Rip 'im apart. Leave 'im barely recognizable. Wanted to hurt Lupin, he did."

"Meant to?" Dumbledore repeated. Clark had always had a flair for the dramatic; he certainly liked to draw things out for maximum suspense. It was usually entertaining, but right now it was just mildly annoying. "You said that he... meant to kill the child."

"Yeah, he did. But he says he only got one bite in before Lupin heard noises and scared 'im off. No sense stickin' around when a wizard's got a wand and s'firin' curses at you." Clark chuckled. "Miffed parents are dangerous, and Greyback's not stupid. Says it was still fun, though—lad didn't even scream; too stunned to do anything but stare. Greyback was pretty happy abou' how things turned out. Says it'll be a lot more fun for Lupin to live with a werewolf kid for a month. Said it wasn't possible fer such a young lad to survive the full, so Lupin would either have to put 'im down or let 'im die with the rising of the moon. But he regretted that he didn't get the kid fer himself. Younger ones taste better, he says."

Dumbledore shifted in his seat with discomfort. Clark was desensitized to such talk, having grown up among werewolves, but Dumbledore was not. He wasn't entirely convinced that Clark did not ever bite or kill people on the full moon, but he would never voice his reproaches to Clark. Clark was, after all, a good informant and debatably a good man... yet Dumbledore would not hesitate to protect anyone whom Clark may be willing to attack. "Continue, Clark."

"Righ'. Well, tha' was two and a half months ago, tha' was. Lad's been through the first full. Lupin let 'im live, which Greyback found surprising. But you know what's even more surprising?"

Dumbledore shook his head.

"The kid lived. Had his skeleton torn apart at the age of five, he did, and he didn't die. Mostly they've got to be at least five and a half, and even tha's rare. Greyback says seven is the best age. Greyback also said the kid wasn't even five yet when Greyback bit 'im. Close, but not yet—he was four. Family was talkin' 'bout fifth birthday prep'rations, he said. Lad prob'ly transformed for the firs' time righ' aroun' his birthday. Only five."

That was rare, certainly, but Dumbledore didn't see why it was such important information. "So...?"

"So tha's a big deal! You prob'ly don't understand. Yer brigh' and all, but you can't understand. In the werewolf world, tha's huge. Greyback went and discovered a kid who somehow got past all the laws of the world. Tha's why he's so happy. Got 'imself a protegee, he said. But when he tried to go get the kid and bring 'im to the pack... lad refused."

"Do you know the child's name?"

"'Course I do. Remus Lupin. Greyback's been sayin' it over and over, like it's a song stuck in his head. He gets obsessive sometimes. Scary. The fact that Remus refused made 'im even happier. Usually he can go into the child's room sometime before the second moon, cast a Soundproofing Charm, and then convince the kid to come join. After they've been through the firs' full moon they'll do anythin' to make it better, and Greyback makes sure the parents aren't aroun' to make the decision fer their kid. So tha's what Greyback did with Remus. Sometimes he makes us do it, but he really wanted to do it himself this time. Never seen 'im so excited abou' anythin'. His heart was going a mile a minute, it was."

"But Remus refused?"

"Yup. Greyback did all the normal stuff... promised he could make the pain go away, said it was almost like a cure, said Remus'd meet other kids like 'im. Greyback even said that he tried to act all nice and fatherly, but none of us believe 'im. Anyway, lad heard that Greyback could help an' then flat-out refused. Said he wanted to stay where he was. Also a big deal, Dumbledore... pain's a lot, an' kids don't offen have the presence of mind to make their own decisions."

"I see."

"Greyback tried Plan B, as he always does when the kids refuse. Took off Soundproofing Charms, let parents in. Sometimes the parents love to get the kid off their chests. But Lupin wasn't having it, 'parently. And Lupin can duel, so Greyback left. Lupin still loved his kid, even though he'd hated werewolves just two and a half months ago."

"Fathers do tend to love their children," murmured Dumbledore. "Lyall was always headstrong, but I never had any doubt when he was at Hogwarts that he'd do the right thing."

"Don'no if it is the righ' thing, meself. Remus Lupin's not gonna have an easy life. People're gonna hate 'im. And he's only five. He migh' have been better off with us... plus, I kinda wanted to meet him, I did. After Greyback's said so much abou' him."

"He will be better off here," said Dumbledore. "He will. Lyall is a good father, I'm sure."

"Yeah, well. They moved, after Greyback found 'em the second time, but Greyback isn't worried. Loves that the lad has a mind of his own. Says he'll go find Remus later when he's grown and try again. Says it's somethin' to look forward to. He's always so much happier when he has somethin' to look forward to. We're always scared of 'im after the euphoria of the last full moon dies down and he's got a whole month to go. But now he's practically bouncin' off the walls. No tellin' whether Remus'll survive the next full, but I hope he will. Really wanna meet the kid, I do."

"So do I," said Dumbledore thoughtfully. "But I imagine that the family is going through a lot right now. You're right, Clark. This certainly changes things. You always do bring me good information."

"Least I can do after you saved my skin few years ago," said Clark. "Heckin' werewolf hunters. Execution's the worst way to go. Well, I'd better get back before Greyback wonders where I've been. See ya sometime, Albus."

"See you sometime," repeated Dumbledore, smiling. He watched Clark go. The second he left, the smile dropped off of his face. "Aberforth, you needn't listen. But I need to talk things through." Dumbledore stood up and began to pace.

"Oh, joy," said Aberforth sarcastically.

"Armando is set on retiring, and I—forgive my arrogance—expect to be headmaster in a few months' time."

"Of course you do."

"Lyall was always a good man. He will raise Remus to be a good man as well, I am certain of it."

"If you think werewolves can be good."

"I do. And I think that, since Remus is so young now, he will have had a chance to adapt to the curse by the time he is eleven..."

"Oh no," said Aberforth. "Absolutely not."

"I heard that Lyall has married a Muggle. I believe her name is Hope. Remus might be nonmagical... but with Lyall's talent, I suspect that he is a wizard. I shall have to check, but I would not be surprised if his name is already down for Hogwarts. If I can create arrangements for full moons..."

"You're not planning on raising this boy to fight in the war, Albus."

"I thought you didn't like werewolves," said Dumbledore. "Don't worry. That is not my intention. I simply think that he has a right to an education, don't you? I can see many ways that this will be a success... but, if I am as magically competent as I believe myself to be... I cannot see many ways in which it can fail. If this works... yes, indeed, I can see it working," he said, more to himself than Aberforth, "and it could be life-changing for a great many people. Or perhaps just Remus Lupin. Either will satisfy me."

"You say that, but you only care about the greater good. None of that is true at all."

"It is certainly true," said Dumbledore quietly, "and I'll thank you to let me be my own person. I am changed. I have learned. And Remus Lupin will learn as well, if I have anything to do with it... except in a very different sense. He is young still, but in six years... six years. Yes. I shall... what is the expression?... put it on the back burner." He smiled. "Would you like a caramel toffee, Aberforth? In thanks?"

"A caramel toffee will not make up for your mistakes."

"No, but a caramel toffee certainly doesn't hurt..."

"I don't want your toffees."

"A couple Galleons?"

"I am not a charity case."

"A hug?"

"Don't touch me."

"You may have my scarf, but it's a bit old and probably too flamboyant for your tastes..."

"Get out of my pub so that I can reopen."

"Very well. Let me know if there's anything you ever need, Aberforth."

"I need you out of my life," Aberforth called, but Dumbledore was already halfway down the cobblestone street, humming Rossini's Barber of Seville overture.

All in all, it had been quite the productive day.

[evansfm]

𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣  𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧  &  𝙙𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙚𝙧   :  𝗲𝘃𝗮𝗻  &  𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗶𝘀𝗲  .

eloise  connely  was  kind  above  all  else  .  nurturing  .  she’d  always  wanted  to  be  a  mom  ,  even  when  she  was  little  .  a  mother  first  ,  then  maybe  a  veterinarian  on  the  side  .  she  liked  looking  after  people  ,  and  she  was  GOOD  at  it  .  so  when  the  universe  gave  young  eloise  twins  ,  she  could’ve  sworn  the  heavens  opened  up  .  when  she  lost  one  of  them  eighteen  years  later  ,  she  thought  the  world  might  end  .  

but  there  was  still  evan  .  with  her  father’s  eyes  and  her  mother’s  curls  .  a  smile  that  could  light  up  the  room  and  dimples  passed  down  from  the  macalpine  side  .  rambunctious  and  reckless  evan  ,  with  a  heart  too  big  for  her  chest  .  one  of  the  things  eloise  admired  most  about  her  daughter  was  the  beautiful  way  she  moved  through  life  ,  stopping  to  feel  every  emotion  along  the  way  .  it  made  her  vibrant  and  empathetic  and  bold  .  .  .  but  it  also  meant  lows  felt  like  nosedives  .  and  this  was  the  kind  of  low  eloise  hadn’t  seen  in  YEARS  .  .  .  maybe  even  at  all  .  she  hadn’t  gone  numb  like  she  had  when  they  lost  beck  ,  and  she  wasn’t  quite  angry  like  she’d  gotten  with  her  father  .  this  was  a  kind  of  sadness  that  rivaled  london’s  storm  clouds  ;  it  was  a  kind  of  sadness  that  had  blue  eyes  void  of  the  wonder  she’d  clung  to  for  twenty  -  two  years  .  she  was  miserable  ;  anyone  who’d  known  her  for  so  much  as  a  day  before  all  of  this  began  would’ve  been  able  to  tell  the  difference  .  sometimes  it  felt  like  even  eloise  was  walking  on  eggshells  .  

“  ev  ,  come  ‘ere  a  minute  ,  ”  she  sighed  ,  inviting  her  to  sit  with  her  on  the  couch  . 

“  well  ,  t’at’s  a  tone  i  don’t  love  ,  ”  evan  sighed  ,  speaking  of  the  wariness  in  her  mother’s  voice  .  she  emerged  from  her  kitchen  with  a  warm  mug  between  her  palms  and  the  pitter  patter  of  a  dutiful  watchdog  trailing  after  her  .  dark  circles  formed  under  her  eyes  ;  curls  swept  into  a  braid  too  loose  to  contain  strands  around  her  face  .  at  least  she  wasn’t  puffy  from  crying  ,  “  can’t  imagine  t’is  is  going  to  be  good  .  ”

“  do  you  remember  much  about  your  father  leaving  ?  ”  a  thoughtful  crease  formed  between  eloise’s  brow  as  she  stared  at  her  now  -  closed  novel  resting  in  her  lap  . 

“  not  really  ,  no  .  there  one  day  ,  gone  t’e  next  ,  ”  evan  stiffened  ,  sitting  on  the  edge  of  the  couch  next  to  her  mother  .  with  everything  happening  ,  tristan  connely  was  the  LAST  thing  she  wanted  to  talk  about  .

“  mhm  ,  ”  a  distant  hum  before  she  was  moving  to  abandon  her  book  on  the  table  ,  “  i  always  t’ought  i  was  doing  the  BEST  t’ing  by  moving  us  to  lorcain  and  starting  over  wit’  a  clean  slate  .  t’ought  i  was  doing  the  BEST  t’ing  by  never  talking  about  your  da  .  .  .  ”  hazel  eyes  shifted  to  her  daughter  ,  worry  clear  in  the  way  they  flittered  over  her  ,  “  ever  since  you  were  tiny  ,  you’ve  always  taken  on  ot’er  people’s  feelings  .  you  can’t  really  help  it  .  .  .  and  it  certainly  isn’t  a  BAD  t’ing  ,  but  it  was  hard  enough  on’ye  .  i  see  now  maybe  it  prevented  us  from  ever  TRULY  moving  forward  .  ” 

“  mam  ––  .  .  .  ”  evan  interjected  ;  she’d  never  blamed  her  mother  for  any  of  it  .

“  no  ,  just  .  .  .  hear  me  out  ,  ”  she  sighed  ,  rubbing  her  palm  over  her  forehead  ;  even  after  more  than  a  decade  she  could  feel  the  nakedness  of  her  ring  finger  .  she’d  never  remarried  .  .  .  never  changed  her  last  name  .  she  was  a  hopeless  romantic  after  all  ,  believing  everyone  got  one  GREAT  love  .  for  a  while  ,  she  thought  tristan  was  hers  .  then  she  had  the  twins  ,  and  she  knew  she  could  love  nothing  more  ,  “  i  was  young  when  i  had  you  ‘nd  your  brother  ,  and  being  a  mother  was  .  .  .  everyt’ing  to  me  .  still  is  .  i  love  not’ing  else  like  i  love  being  your  mam  .  but  i  was  SO  in  love  wit’  being  a  mother  ,  i  hardly  had  any  time  to  notice  my  marriage  was  miserable  .  we  were  bot’  miserable  .  what  we  had  was  gone  LONG  before  your  da’  left  .  and  t’at  isn’t  any  excuse  for  him  leaving  YOU  ––  i’ll  never  forgive  ‘im  for  t’at  ,  but  ––  he  ‘ad  his  reasons  for  leaving  ME  .  i  wasn’t  loving  ‘im  the  best  i  could  ,  and  he  wasn’t  loving  me  the  best  he  could  .  it  was  a  long  time  coming  ,  but  for  YOU  .  .  .  he  was  there  one  day  ,  gone  the  next  .  one  day  he  just  .  .  .  found  someone  better  .  you  trusted  the  two  of  us  more  t’an  ANYONE  ,  and  when  we  split  ,  ‘nd  he  went  ‘nd  got  remarried  ,  t’at  trust  was  BROKEN  .  .  .  ”

evan  kept  her  eyes  trained  on  her  mother  .  specs  of  silver  were  beginning  to  appear  in  her  long  ,  dark  hair  .  .  .  but  time  was  kind  to  eloise  connely  .  her  eyes  were  as  kind  and  welcoming  as  ever  ,  and  her  voice  did  wonders  to  soothe  anyone  .  .  .  no  matter  the  topic  .  still  ,  evan’s  voice  was  a  ghost  of  a  whisper  ,  “  why  are  we  talkin’  about  t’is  .  .  .  ”

“  because  right  now  ,  whether  it’s  true  or  not  ,  THAT  is  what  you’re  feeling  wit’  kieran  .  you  trust  him  more  t’an  anyone  ,  ‘nd  now  ,  ”  she  reached  forward  ,  tucking  a  rogue  curl  behind  evan’s  ear  ,  “  my  sweet  evan  .  .  .  now  you  aren’t  eating  .  you’ve  hardly  slept  .  and  whether  you  want  to  admit  it  or  not  .  .  .  he’s  all  you’re  t’inking  about  .  all  those  old  wounds  got  torn  open  and  filled  wit’  salt  .  and  t’at’s  okay  ,  but  .  .  .  ”

“  are  you  seriously  about  to  take  kieran’s  side  on  t’ings  ?  ”  evan  bristled  ,  immediately  turning  defensive  .  mikey  ,  ruairi  ,  conan  ,  adam  .  .  .  he  had  all  of  them  ;  he  didn’t  need  her  own  MOTHER  as  well  . 

“  no  .  absolutely  not  ,  ”  she  studied  her  daughter  for  a  moment  ,  then  exhaled  ,  “  but  he  did  call  last  night  .  ” 

“  ma  –  ”

“  and  i  answered  .  ”

“  MOTHER  ,  ”  evan  shoved  off  of  the  couch  ,  eyes  wide  in  panic  ,  “  i  told  you  ––  BEGGED  you  ––  not  to  meddle  .  ”

she  moved  away  from  the  couch  ,  both  eloise  and  ziggy  watching  her  with  careful  eyes  as  she  began  to  pace  back  and  forth  ,  back  and  forth  .  her  she  wrung  her  hands  ,  fingers  falling  over  each  other  in  nervous  fidgeting  .  a  habit  when  she  was  stressed  ,  when  her  thoughts  came  too  quickly  to  sift  through  .  kieran  was  always  so  good  at  calming  her  down  when  she  got  like  this  ,  gentle  hands  covering  hers  .  he’d  intertwine  their  fingers  or  kiss  the  inside  of  her  wrist  ,  tethering  her  to  himself  and  keeping  her  from  floating  away  .  .  .  or  drowning  .  she’d  forgotten  how  to  deal  with  it  on  her  own  ,  and  above  all  else  ,  it  made  her  miss  him  even  MORE  .  she  hated  that  she  was  missing  him  .  blue  eyes  darted  back  to  her  mother  ,  and  she  stopped  in  her  tracks  ,  wrists  flicking  to  shake  out  her  hands  as  though  she  was  getting  rid  of  excess  water  after  scrubbing  them  clean  .  i  shouldn’t  ask  ,  she  thought  ,  i  don’t  want  to  know  .  i  don’t  want  to  know  .  i  shouldn’t  ask  .

“  what  did  you  say  ?  ” 

eloise  shifted  ,  treading  carefully  ,  “  somet’ing  similar  to  what  i’ve  told  you  .  and  t’at  giving  you  SPACE  was  a  good  thing  .  ”

she  shouldn’t  ask  .  she  didn’t  want  to  know  .

 “  what  did  HE  say  ?  ”

she  hadn’t  spoken  to  him  since  the  night  he  called  ,  the  night  she’d  felt  her  heart  tear  entirely  in  half  as  his  voice  cracked  on  the  other  end  of  the  line  .  though  it  was  less  of  an  actual  conversation  and  more  of  three  days  of  emotion  blowing  up  in  both  of  their  faces  ,  evan  coming  down  on  kieran  HARD  .  the  pictures  were  fresh  in  her  mind  then  ,  and  the  thought  of  him  finding  someone  better  ,  falling  in  love  with  someone  better  ,  was  so  terrifying  ,  she  hadn’t  even  let  him  get  a  word  in  .  emotions  were  jumbled  up  in  her  head  and  searing  in  her  chest  .  she  was  ANGRY  with  him  for  not  listening  to  her  ,  for  brushing  things  off  like  she  was  just  a  silly  ,  paranoid  girl  .  she  was  angrier  with  bex  ;  rumor  or  fact  ,  the  girl  had  never  paid  any  mind  to  boundaries  .  .  .  or  to  evan  .  because  evan  was  NOTHING  to  her  ,  and  she’d  done  well  to  make  her  feel  exactly  that  .  she  was  terribly  SAD  ,  too  ,  as  she  felt  like  the  one  person  she’d  truly  loved  had  been  ripped  away  from  her  .  the  one  person  who  she  never  thought  would  hurt  her  ,  had  .  on  top  of  it  all  was  a  winding  confusion  ;  why  had  she  been  so  ready  to  believe  the  rumors  ?  why  would  kieran  swear  to  marry  her  one  moment  then  leave  her  the  next  ?  why  was  she  so  set  on  refusing  to  listen  to  him  ?  what  was  so  special  about  bex  .  .  .  that  made  him  want  to  throw  away  TWELVE  years  ?  where  had  she  gone  wrong  ?  why  wasn’t  she  good  enough  ?  

you’re  MORE  t’an  just  fucking  enough  for  me  ,  evan  .

she  could  still  hear  the  desperation  in  his  voice  ;  it  made  her  hate  herself  .  

“  what  did  he  say  ?  ”  she  asked  again  ,  barely  a  whisper  this  time  .

“  he  rambled  for  some  time  .  i  LET  him  ramble  for  some  time  ,  ”  eloise’s  fingers  lifted  to  the  birthstone  pendant  around  her  neck  ,  opal  for  october  .  when  she  spoke  again  ,  her  tone  was  even  more  careful  than  before  ,  “  sounded  like  he’d  been  drinking  .  ”

evan  straightened  ,  seemingly  snapping  out  of  her  own  wallowing  .  she  could  picture  a  happier  version  of  kieran  ,  drunk  in  a  pub  full  of  people  celebrating  the  beginning  of  the  found’s  very  first  headlining  tour  .  flushed  cheeks  ,  messy  hair  ,  crooked  smile  .  she  could’ve  kissed  him  that  night  .  in  retrospect  ,  as  she’d  tucked  herself  into  his  jacket  with  arms  wrapped  around  his  waist  ,  and  he  brushed  away  curls  with  light  fingertips  that  ultimately  tucked  away  behind  her  neck  .  .  .  maybe  she  should  have  .  then  again  ,  the  later  years  of  their  friendship  was  full  of  moments  like  that  .  and  the  flush  of  whiskey  on  his  cheeks  was  something  she  loved  paired  with  a  smile  .  to  celebrate  .  not  to  COPE  .  he  knew  better  than  to  step  even  an  inch  in  that  destructive  direction  .  she  could  only  hope  that  conan  was  looking  after  him  .  .  .

“  he  wanted  me  to  pass  somet’ing  along  ,  to  tell  you  somet’ing  ,  but  i  won’t  if  you  don’t  want  to  hear  it  .  ”   

evan’s  arms  folded  over  her  chest  ,  and  she  thought  about  it  for  a  drawn  out  moment  ,  “  go  on  .  ”

“  he  wanted  me  t’  tell  you  to  remember  what  he  said  to  you  the  night  before  he  left  .  that  he  meant  every  word  of  it  then  and  still  means  every  word  of  it  now  .  ”

she  clenched  her  eyes  shut  ,  arms  unfurling  to  press  the  heels  of  her  palms  into  her  eyes  .  of  course  he  did  .  .  .  OF  COURSE  he  did  .  because  amidst  the  photographs  and  the  rumors  and  the  distance  ,  evan  had  lost  sight  of  the  words  that  truly  mattered  .  you  ,  evan  ––  my  love  ––  are  t’e  love  of  my  life  and  you  will  be  even  after  i  take  my  final  breath  .  t’ere’s  no  one  else  .  t’ere  never  was  anyone  else  .  you’ve  seen  me  ,  and  i  know  you  .  i’m  not  going  anywhere  .  .  .  her  breath  hitched  ;  the  tears  crept  up  on  her  faster  than  before  .  THERE’S  NO  ONE  ELSE  .  it  was  just  as  true  for  him  as  it  had  been  for  her  ,  and  for  the  first  time  since  those  damned  photographs  came  out  ,  something  finally  felt  stronger  than  the  anger  and  the  sadness  and  the  confusion  .  

the  love  she  had  for  kieran  walsh  came  without  conditions  ,  and  somewhere  along  the  way  ,  he’d  learned  to  love  her  back  just  the  same  .  

unconditionally  .

the  only  thing  she  felt  absolutely  certain  of  was  that  no  matter  what  lay  behind  the  photos  and  the  rumors  ,  no  matter  if  he  hadn’t  listened  to  her  and  she  hadn’t  listened  to  h​​im  ,  no  matter  how  angry  or  sad  or  confused  she  was  :  she  LOVED  him  .  more  than  anything  .  more  than  anyone  .  she  had  for  years  ,  and  she’d  continue  to  do  so  for  always  .  

unconditionally  .  flaws  and  all  .  

“  fuck  ,  ”  she  swore  ,  hands  pushing  back  loose  strands  of  hair  as  teary  eyes  made  the  room  blurry  ,  “  i’ve  really  gone  and  made  t’is  worse  .  ” 

because  the  night  before  he’d  left  ,  he  told  her  flat  out  that  there  wasn’t  ANYONE  else  .  he’d  told  her  that  he  wouldn’t  LEAVE  her  .  .  .  that  she’d  have  to  break  up  with  him  herself  to  get  rid  of  him  .  he’d  traced  the  edges  of  her  features  and  whispered  that  he  didn’t  WANT  to  leave  her  .  he’d  held  her  face  and  told  her  that  he  belonged  to  HER  .  he’d  kissed  her  and  swore  that  she  made  him  happy  ,  that  he  only  ever  needed  her  .  

that  couldn’t  be  UNDONE  by  a  set  of  photos  .  it  couldn’t  be  undone  by  a  girl  with  ill  -  intentions  .

it  could  only  be  undone  if  the  SPACE  evan  asked  for  became  wider  and  more  permanent  ,  and  she  couldn’t  imagine  the  misery  .  she  couldn’t  imagine  a  future  without  him  .  no  matter  what  the  truth  was  .  

because  she  loved  him  ,  unconditionally  and  relentlessly  .  

“  i  t’ink  ––  .  .  .  ”  she  blinked  away  a  few  tears  ,  feeling  them  damp  on  her  cheeks  as  her  mother  came  into  focus  ,  “  i  have  to  go  see  him  .  ”

her  flight  to  new  york  was  booked  within  the  hour  .

[freddiesaysalright]

The Most Dramatic Season Ever - Week 8 - The Finale

Summary: It’s your time now! You are ABC’s new Bachelorette and this is your journey! All these men (including our fav BoRhap boys and then some) are competing for your heart! Will you find love? Will you get engaged at the end? Or will you end up heartbroken? Find out, on the most dramatic season ever!

Word Count: 6.7K

Tag List:  @psychosupernatural, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @moon-stars-soul​, @danadeacon​, @deacyblues​, @thesundrop​, @cupidben​, @lostlittlenerd​, @delilahmay39​, @timmvrphy​, @queenmylovely​, @loveandbeloved29​, @free-pool-trash​, @fairestkillerqueenofall​, @local-troubled-writer​, @babyalienfairy​, @littlecarowrites​, @allthethingsicant​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @squishy-gay-astronaut​, @sherlollydramoine​, @butlegendsneverdie​, @dogmom2014​, @rocketrhap917​, @26-7-49​, @lelifesaver​, @frozenhuntress67​, @drowsebaby​, @mrhoemazzello​, @lookuptotheskiesandsee​, @seasidecrowbar​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: Alright, Y/N finally chooses! The fic isn’t quite over because there’s still the After the Final Rose! Find out if Y/N is still happy since filming ended AND find out who the next Bachelor is!

Warning(s): This chapter features an anxiety attack. As well a bunch of mushy love stuff.

Night 1  Week 1  Week 2  Week 3  Week 4  Week 5  Week 6  Week 7  The Men Tell All

Week 8/Finale here we go!!!

The next part of the journey took you to the South Island, in Queenstown. It was a smaller city, but breathtakingly beautiful. Imagining yourself getting engaged here was easy. The hard part was who you imagined getting down on one knee. You felt like your heart was being torn clear in half between Ben and Joe. 

“I am in love with two men,” you said to the camera. “I had a feeling this is how the journey would go, but I didn’t think it was going to be this hard. I have really clear pictures of what my future would be like with each of these men, and I’m struggling...I don’t know what’s going to happen right now, and it’s really scary.”

Your accommodations in your hotel were stunning. You had a great view of the skyline. But it was difficult to appreciate knowing that the end was near and you were going to break someone’s heart. Maybe even your own. As you looked out over Queenstown, your stomach dropped at the thought.

After a day to recover from travel, you had your first date. It was with Ben. You were meeting him at a marina for a cruise around Lake Wakatipu. He beamed at you when he caught sight of you, and your heart soared. For a little while, you could just focus on him and not worry about this process.

“Hi!” you called as he reached you.

He picked you up into his arms and spun you around as you laughed.

“Hello, love,” he returned after setting you down.

Then he planted a kiss on your lips that told you just how much he had missed you.

“So today, we’re taking a relaxing cruise around Lake Wakatipu,” you told him. “It’s a beautiful day to be on the water.”

“It is,” he agreed.

The sun shone brightly, making the lake look like glass in motion. Ben took your hand and helped you onto the boat that was at the dock. The captain took you all slowly out of the marina before hitting the open water. Still, his pace was even and steady, since you and Ben were toward the bow, sitting on pillows, drinks in hand. 

“Cheers to a lovely day,” he said. “With the loveliest woman in the world.”

“Cheers,” you replied with a grin.

You kissed before taking your sips.

The lake was stunning. The water was a perfect, crystal shade of blue. The surrounding mountains were lush with foliage, still blooming from the summer warmth. The sun beat down, but there was a soft breeze to keep you cool. 

“So, tell me how you’re feeling going into this week,” you said after swallowing the crisp champagne.

“I’m feeling great,” he told you. “I think we’ve come such a long way, and...well, I love you, Y/N. That’s all I really can say. I’m not great with words.”

You giggled. “Ben, you’re fine. I love you too. I’m really happy with where we are.”

“You sure there’s nothing else you need from me?” he asked.

“Not a thing,” you said. “Just keep being honest and loving me, and I’ll do the same for you, okay?”

“You’ve got a deal,” he said.

You kissed on it. 

The rest of the cruise was beautiful. The New Zealand scenery never ceased to amaze you. And the fact that you were experiencing it with Ben made the vision all the sweeter. You had a little Titanic moment on the ship. His arms around you made you feel like you could remain in them always. Your future with him seemed as bright and limitless as the horizon. 

The afternoon came to a close and it was time to prepare for the evening portion of the date. As you put your makeup on, you found yourself thinking about Joe. Would your time with him be as pleasant and productive as Ben’s? If so, what would you do? If not, could you really let him go? You needed more clarity. 

Ben: I’m in love with Y/N. I’m ready to propose to her. I know she’s the person I’m meant to love forever. I can’t put my finger on how I know it, I just...know it. 

You met Ben at his hotel room. His adoring smile greeted you before his arms did. You inhaled his scent for a moment as you whispered intimate hellos. Then he stepped back and allowed you inside. 

The room was decorated nicely. Candles lit across the surfaces. Champagne chilled and ready. It was all so perfect. You toasted to each other before sipping the champagne. 

“It looks nice in here, Ben,” you praised. “Is it always this clean?”

“I’m actually quite a tidy person, so yeah,” he chuckled. “Come on, let’s sit down and relax.”

You followed him to the couch, where he poured you each a glass of wine. You took sips and then set the glass aside to take his hand in yours. You tried to smile.

“So, tell me what you’re feeling,” you said. “Other than loving me.”

“I mean, I am nervous about later this week,” he said. “The thought of proposing to you doesn’t really scare me, but the fact that there’s someone else here who also wants that….that’s terrifying to think about.”

You sighed. “I know it’s scary, Ben, but this is all part of the process.”

“I know,” he said. “I know what I signed up for. But that doesn’t make it any easier. My heart’s on the line, Y/N. You’re the first woman I’ve ever really loved. You’re the only woman I ever want to love. You must understand why it makes me so uneasy.”

“I know, and I do,” you told him, interlocking your fingers with his. “I love you too. I’m struggling with this too. I want you to understand that you’re not alone in being scared and nervous. This isn’t any easier for me.”

“We are both struggling, but in different ways,” he said. “I know you don’t want to hurt me or Joe. You’re an incredibly kind person - it’s one of the things I admire most about you - but you were right when you said it’s part of the process.”

You nodded. “I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

“I’m sorry you are,” he returned.

“At least we have each other,” you tried to joke.

He let out a small laugh, but then looked seriously at you.

“Look, Y/N, this process is not something either of us really thought would be this difficult,” he said. “But no matter what happens - good or bad - I will always be grateful to have met you.”

You held his eyes as your own began to shine with emotion.

“You’ve shown me what it is to really fall in love,” he said. “And I know you understand how special that is.”

“Ben…”

A tear slid down your cheek and then he gathered you up in his arms, pulling you onto his lap. He held you there for a long moment. Neither of you spoke, weighing the gravity of the situation. Because the next time you saw each other, you would either be getting engaged or breaking up. 

“I know you can’t promise me anything,” he said. “But I wanted to share what was on my heart. I love you very much.”

“I love you too, Ben,” you replied softly.

The rest of the evening was spent on lighter subjects. You were glad both your feelings were out in the open, and that you each understood how hard this was on both sides of it. Ben made sharing so easy, and you ached for a longer week. More time to explore what was there. But you also considered that would make things harder. You stood to leave, Ben’s hand still in yours as he walked you to the door.

“Good night, love,” he said.

“Good night,” you returned.

He placed a gentle kiss on your lips. His hand fell slowly away from yours. Your skin felt cold without the contact of his. Your eyes lingered on each other. 

Without another word, you turned and walked down the hallway. You heard his door click shut. As difficult as that conversation was, you were relieved you had it. Your heart was now looking forward to your date with Joe. There was a twinge of fear that Joe’s date would make your decision all the more difficult.

The next day,  you had your date with Joe. You were meeting him at Gibbston Valley Winery. It was a bright, sunny day, so the fields looked bright green and lovely. You grinned at Joe as he approached you, taking you into his arms and kissing you deeply. You hummed into it, feeling content and happy.

“Hi there,” you said brightly.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he returned.

“I’ve missed you too,” you assured him. “I’m glad we have this day together.”

“What are we getting up to?” he wondered.

“We are at Gibbston Valley Winery,” you told him. “We are going to take a tour and taste some wine.”

“Sounds like a classy day for me and my classy lady,” he joked.

You laughed. “Come on, you goof.”

Joe never failed to make you smile. Today, as he took your hand and led you inside, was no different. You found it easy to let go of your apprehensions and just enjoy your time with him.

Your guide first took you out to the field and showed you how they grew the grapes. They showed you how they collected them and juiced them before taking them to be fermented. They took you next to the wine cave, where there were barrels and bottles all over the place. It looked like something out of another world. Like the cellar of an old castle or something.

Your guide led you all through the “cave,” explaining how the wine was organized and how they chose which barrels were ready for bottling. When you got to the bottles, he had you stop, and he picked one up. It was a deep red wine and the label was blank.

“This bottle was finished today,” he said. “Remind me your names, and we’ll put it on the bottle to commemorate your special day.”

“Joe and Y/N,” you said.

The guide wrote it out in a surprisingly beautiful script across the label. 

“Before we cork it, would you like to try it?” he offered.

“Absolutely,” said Joe.

The guide grabbed two glasses, and poured about a gulp into each. You and Joe made a small “cheers” and then took the sip. It was smooth, fruity, and rich in flavor. It warmed you from the inside out, which made you think it was the perfect wine to be made for you and Joe.

“What d’you think?” the guide asked.

“It’s amazing,” you said upon swallowing. 

“I agree,” Joe added. “This is the best red I’ve had in a while.”

“Tell you what,” the guide said. “I’m gonna cork this bottle and save it for you. We’ll keep it until your next special occasion.”

“How sweet,” you said. “We’ll save it for our wedding.”

You looked at Joe and beamed. An expression he shared. 

“We’re looking forward to it,” the guide said. “I’ll go take care of this, you two head to the bar, get something to drink, have a chat, and good luck to you.”

“Thank you,” Joe replied.

The guide took your glasses with him to be washed, and you and Joe headed over to the bar. You ordered two glasses of wine and then went back outside to enjoy the sunshine and the view. Joe pulled out a chair for you at one of the tables and you sat across from each other. He offered his hand, which you took.

“I like learning stuff like this,” he said. “It gives me so many ideas for the restaurant.”

“I bet,” you said. “You guys sell beer and wine there, right?”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “Although, our wine is always Italian given the nature of the place.”

You giggled. “That’s right.”

“Never tell my mother this, but I think New Zealand wine is just as good,” he joked.

“Your secret is safe with me,” you returned. “I’ll never tell Virginia what a traitor her son is.”

He feigned offense before sipping his wine with a soft smile.

“Are you really into wine?” you wondered.

“I love wine,” he said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I also love sharing a cold one with the boys or whatever, but there’s a sort of romance to wine that I really like. My dad once took the whole family to Rioja to see the wineries out there, and I gotta say, it was amazing.”

“Rioja?” you questioned. “That’s in Spain.”

“I know, we were making an exception,” he said with a shrug. “We’d already seen a few in Italy.”

“Your mom told me about some of the trips you all used to take,” you said. “I thought it was amazing that your parents shared experiencing the world with you and your siblings.”

“It’s definitely something I want to do with my kids,” Joe said.

“I gotta tell you, Joe, a future with you is so clear to me,” you blurted out. “I see it. The marriage, the kids, the house, life at the restaurant. God, it’s as clear to me as your face right now.”

“How does it make you feel?” he asked.

“Happier than I even knew I was capable of feeling,” you said.

“If you let me,” he said, holding your gaze. “I’d like to make you feel that way every day for the rest of your life.”

You sucked in a sharp breath, but didn’t look away. There, in his eyes, you saw the promise he was making to you. Joe was telling you that you could expect a proposal from him. You struggled to form a response. You could not yet promise him acceptance of a proposal. Happy as you were here, there was still Ben, who mattered a great deal to you.

Joe: What Y/N and I have is so amazing. I love her so much. I just want to get down on one knee and propose already! Right here at the winery, I don’t even care!

“Joe,” you said through a sigh. “I love you.”

It felt like a meek response considering the implications of his statement. Even so, he smiled.

“I love you too,” he said. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot or anything. I just want you to know where I’m at.”

God, he read you so well.

“I’m glad to know that,” you said. “I wish I could tell you where I’m at. I feel really confused right now…”

“I know that you are facing an impossible decision,” he said. “Just do whatever it is you need to do to figure out what is going to make you happiest. I’ll support you one hundred percent.”

“Thank you,” you said.

“Now, let’s relax, enjoy the wine, the sun, and each other,” he said.

You smiled and agreed. As you looked at Joe in the low afternoon glow, you saw everything you had ever wanted. Passion, fun, kindness, family. Joe was all of these things and more. As if sensing your desire to be closer, he leaned over the table and kissed you. Everything about Joe, from his words to his deeds, promised you the life you had always dreamed of.

When the time came for the evening portion, you met Joe - like you had with Ben - at his hotel room. His suite was similar to Ben’s but with a different layout. There were fewer candles and more items a bit askew, but it was still neat.

As you snuggled up together on his couch, your mind felt uneasy. You needed to know more about how he was feeling about the following day. The big day.

“Joe,” you said. “Aren’t you a little nervous about tomorrow?”

“Of course I am,” he said. “It could either be the best or the worst day of my life. But I don’t want to complain to you, when it’s you who has the big decision to make.”

“You can complain, I wanna know what’s going on in your heart,” you said. 

“Okay,” he said simply. “I’m scared sh*tless that I’m going to find out tomorrow that as great a relationship as we have, things are better with him. That as much as you see our future, you prefer the one he can give you. That as much as you love me, you love him more.”

You opened your mouth to dispute each statement, but closed it again.

“I know that this is what it is,” he said. “Of course I’m afraid. But those fears are the same as any other relationship. You take a risk when you fall in love. I’m fully willing to put my heart on the line if it means even the chance of having you forever, Y/N.”

Tears stung your eyes. Your heart was beginning to break because suddenly the choice before you was so obvious. You wanted Joe with every part of your being. But that meant you were going to have to break Ben’s heart. And just the thought of it was about to crumble you.

“I love you,” you told him again.

You took his face between your hands, sat up on your knees, and rested your forehead against his. You both closed your eyes as you breathed in this moment.

“I love you,” you said again, this time in a low whisper.

“I love you,” he breathed back.

You could not tell him that you were choosing him, and this was a very serious rule, so you tried to convey to him some assurance through your touch. You just hoped he felt it.

You did not remain with Joe much longer. You needed to get some rest before the big day coming in the morning. He walked you to the door and hugged you for a long moment. He thought he felt you reassure him, but a small part of him still feared you would not choose him. So he held you a little longer. In case it was the last time.

“Good night,” you said.

“Good night,” he returned, pressing his lips to your forehead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said.

“Tomorrow,” he said.

You kissed once more, Joe’s lips lingering just slightly. Then it really was goodnight. How you ached to tell him not to worry. But you couldn’t. 

You started down the hall, and your mind went to Ben. You couldn’t imagine the look on his face if he showed up tomorrow with a ring and tried to propose. It would be too hard for Joe to follow up and for you to enjoy that moment. To protect Ben and yourself, you looked at your producer, Laurie.

“I need to speak to Ben,” you said. “Tonight.”

She blinked. “You’ve made your decision?”

“I have,” you said. “I can’t put him through a proposal. Not when he’s already given everything.”

“Okay, let’s go to his room,” she said. 

Heart pounding, you led the way down the hall to the elevator. Ben’s room was two floors below Joe’s. But upon reaching the elevator, you found you couldn’t be still. So, you headed to the stairwell instead. You began to rush down the stairs, desperate to reach him and get the hard part over with. Light as your legs felt, your heart felt like lead. It was crying out already with the wound it knew was coming. 

Two flights down. You hardly noticed the crew around you as you swept down toward that dreaded doorway. You reached it and came to a dead stop. For some reason, you stood there frozen. All you had to do was knock, but you couldn’t even lift your fist to do it. 

“Y/N?” said Laurie gently. “Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

You nodded slowly. “It’s going to be hard.”

“Yes,” she said. 

“It’s going to be painful,” you said. 

“Yes,” she repeated. “If you want to wait until tomorr-”

“No,” you said firmly. “I’ve already taken his first time being in love. I will not also rob him of his first proposal.”

Resolute, you finally rapped your knuckles against the door. You heard his footsteps approaching and you swallowed hard. It was difficult since your mouth was rapidly going dry. 

“Y/N!” Ben gasped with a smile when the door disappeared and was replaced with his form. “What are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?” you asked.

You met his gaze, and he saw the trouble in your eyes. His brow furrowed. 

“What’s the matter?” he questioned. 

Tears were threatening to overwhelm you. 

“Can we talk?”

“Sure, come in.”

He stepped aside and allowed you through the door. He followed you into the living area, but neither of you sat down. Ben braced himself, but he still was completely unprepared for the words that came out of your mouth. 

“It’s not you,” you sobbed. 

His whole body stiffened with the shock. Tears streamed steadily from your eyes, smearing your makeup, but you couldn’t think about that now. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but closed it again. You watched him through watery eyes. 

“I’m so sorry,” you went on, unable to bear his silence. “But I couldn’t let you go through tomorrow and start to propose when I could spare you some hurt by telling you now. I just - oh God, Ben, please say something!”

“I…” he trailed off. It was as if you’d punched him and he was still dizzy from the impact. “I dunno...I don’t...I am completely blindsided right now, Y/N.”

“I understand,” you said. “But I know where my heart is, and I didn’t want you to have to go through all this stuff to get ready to propose when I...I wouldn’t be able to say yes to you.”

“You told me that you’re in love with me,” he said, voice shaking. “Is that still true?”

“Of course it is,” you said. “Feelings don’t just vanish. But I just -” You paused to take a breath. “You told me that I’m the first woman you’ve ever loved. I am taking away the hope you had of only loving one person forever, and I hate that I’m doing that. But I couldn’t live with myself if I took away a  proposal from you. Words that are meant for the person you are really supposed to spend the rest of your life with.”

“Up until now, I was sure that was you,” he said. 

“I’m so sorry,” you said again, voice faltering below a whisper. “But I just can’t let you propose to me. I can’t. Not when I’ve already hurt you enough.”

He sniffled and a single tear escaped to slide down his cheek. 

“You’re sure?” he croaked out. 

“Yeah,” you replied. 

He sat down, leaning on his knees and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders shook as he wept, but he quickly rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands to stop it. It broke your heart. You had never seen Ben this emotional. 

“F*ck,” he choked.

“I hope you know that what we shared was truly...extraordinary,” you said. “I have cherished getting to know you and falling in love with you. I-”

“Stop,” he said, swallowing. “Stop. Just...don’t.”

Your bottom lip began to quiver again. “Don’t you want to talk about this?”

“Not if it’s just going to be that,” he said. He blinked and more tears spilled down his face. 

You took a deep breath to steady yourself.

“Is there anything I can say?” you wondered.

“No,” he replied shortly. “There’s nothing that will make this hurt any less.”

You sat down beside him.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” you told him. “Saying goodbye to you will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”

“What changed?” he asked. “What made you suddenly so sure?”

“I just realized that...I could picture my life with both of you,” you said. “But he’s the one I can’t picture my life without.”

Fresh tears rolled over his cheeks.

“I see,” he said. “So, it really is….goodbye.”

You nodded. Your heart was sinking. It was beginning to pick up speed again as it resisted letting him go.

“I’m so sorry.”

There was nothing else you could say, but the words still felt pathetic. You remembered how it felt to be rejected like this, and nothing - nothing you said could make it okay. 

Suddenly, he pulled you into a tight hug. His large hands clutched your shirt as he held you impossibly close. He buried his face in your neck. You slowly coiled your arms around him too, your fingers finding his hair and combing through it. This was the last embrace.

As he began to pull away, he kissed your cheek. Your eyes fell closed to the feeling of his lips once more. Out of loyalty to Joe, neither of you went for a proper kiss. You looked into his eyes - those lovely green eyes, even red and puffy - one last time.

“Goodbye, Ben.”

“Bye.”

On unsteady feet, you rose. Slowly, your hands slipped out of his. Each step toward the door had your chest tightening with this hurt. You were going to miss him terribly. But you didn’t stop. You barely remembered opening the door and the trek down to the lobby. Awareness hit you all at once when you stepped onto the sidewalk and into the cool night air.

Your heart was beating wildly, as if trying to escape the tight confines of your chest. Your fingers began to feel numb. Your brain felt hazy and your lungs were constricting. Hot tears spilled some more down your face, and you felt them intensely. You let out a wail.

“That was so hard!” you cried. “Oh my…”

You tried to take a breath but couldn’t. Your body screamed in protest at the idea of stepping any further onto that pavement and away from Ben. You clutched at your chest, begging it to open up again.

“I can’t do this,” you wheezed. “I can’t breathe…” Your vision was beginning to blur.

“Y/N?” Laurie said, eyeing you with concern.

“I can’t breathe,” you struggled to say again. “I can’t…”

Laurie’s face disappeared behind your eyelids as you dropped to the ground.

“Y/N!” Laurie cried. “Oh, God, someone call an ambulance!”

There was a medical team that ABC had on hand, and they were the first to arrive. You were swimming in and out of consciousness, but they couldn’t manage to get you fully aware. They called for an ambulance from one of the local hospitals and just as they arrived, your eyes were fluttering open.

“Joe,” you muttered, because that was all you could think of that you wanted.

“Just relax, Y/N,” said one of the medics. “You’re still out of it, we’re going to take you to hospital.”

“Joe,” you said again, noticing how dry your throat felt.

“Who’s Joe?” he asked Laurie.

“One of the guys,” she said. 

“Is he allowed to come with her?” he wondered.

Laurie shook her head. “Afraid not.”

“Okay,” he sighed, and you thought you saw him roll his eyes. “Sorry, Y/N, but he can’t come. You’re gonna see him again soon, okay? Once we help you.”

You nodded, trying to relax as they loaded you into the back of the vehicle. 

Joe couldn’t sleep. He was too nervous about what was coming. His conversation had been good with you, and he’d felt your connection so strongly before you left. He hoped that meant you would choose him. But he couldn’t be sure and that was what scared him. Finding no rest, he got out of bed. He went into the little kitchenette of the suite and fetched some water. Outside, he saw the flashing lights of an emergency vehicle. He peeked out, but couldn’t see what was going on. He watched it speed away and he hoped whoever was inside would be okay.

Just as he set the glass in the sink and headed back toward the bedroom, there was a knock on the door. Brow furrowing with concern, he went to open it. He was shocked when he saw Chris Harrison standing there.

“Hey, Chris,” he said. “Everything okay?”

“I’ve gotta catch you up on some things, man,” Chris said. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure,” Joe agreed, and he stepped aside.

As they went to the living area, Joe turned some lights on. Then he and Chris sat on the couch.

“So, what’s up?” Joe wondered.

“Y/N is at the hospital,” Chris said.

“Woah, what?!” Joe cried. “Is she okay?! What happened?!”

“She passed out,” Chris explained calmly. “From what the medics said when they looked at her, it was a severe anxiety attack paired with dehydration that caused her to faint. But she was just coming around when they took her.”

“An anxiety attack…” Joe said. “Because of tomorrow?”

“I imagine so,” Chris replied. “It looks like she’s gonna be fine. I’m sure the weight of this decision just overwhelmed her.”

“I get it,” Joe said. “It’s a big decision. Will she be staying in the hospital overnight?”

“We’re not sure yet,” Chris said. “We’ll let you know as much as we can, as soon as we can, okay?”

“Okay,” Joe said. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Of course,” Chris returned. “Try to get some sleep. And I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon for the big day.”

“Night, Chris,” Joe said.

“G’night, Joe.”

Chris showed himself out. Joe was rooted to the spot where he sat. The crew got set up around him to do an interview.

“How are you feeling, Joe?” asked his producer, Lucy.

“After hearing all that,” Joe said, voice cracking with emotion. He looked up into the camera to reveal tears in his eyes. “I’m beginning to wonder if Y/N is really ready for this.”

He took a long, shuddering breath, and he blinked back the tears.

“Excuse me, I can’t do this right now,” he said shakily.

He got to his feet and walked straight to the bedroom, closing the door on the cameras. No one was certain what the morning would bring.

You woke to the sun shining brightly in your room. Only, it wasn’t  your hotel room. You were in the hospital.

The previous night’s events began to return to you. Your marvelous date with Joe, the heartbreaking goodbye with Ben, and then the feeling of suffocating before everything went black. You vaguely remembered asking someone for Joe, but you couldn’t remember their face or who it was. You looked to your right and saw Chris Harrison asleep in the chair next to you. As much as you adored Chris, you had kind of hoped to see Joe. Then you remembered you couldn’t see Joe because you were getting engaged to him later today. You smiled.

“Chris,” you said, voice a little hoarse.

He stirred and opened his eyes. He smiled gently at you.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” you said. “What happened?”

“After they ran some tests, the doctors confirmed it was an anxiety attack and dehydration,” he said. “They kept you overnight to hydrate you, but you should be okay to leave this morning.”

You nodded. 

“I told Joe about what happened to you,” Chris said. “But I didn’t tell him you had ended things with Ben, that didn’t feel like it was my place.”

“I appreciate it,” you said. “How’d Joe take it?”

“He was worried, of course, but I assured him you’d be fine,” Chris said. “He’ll be meeting with Neil Lane pretty soon.”

You beamed. Neil Lane was the ring designer. Your heart went out to Joe and you hoped that soon you would be getting ready to get that ring and the man of your dreams.

Joe: I only slept about an hour and a half last night. But, waking up this morning, I feel better about things. I realized that Y/N is ready for this. The reason she was affected like that was because it matters so much to her. She wants this to work so badly. If I were in her shoes, I’d probably pass out too from the pressure. All I can say is that I’m ready too. I’m ready to propose and spend my life with her if she’ll have me.

Feeling lighter, Joe went down to the patio of the hotel. Waiting for him was an older gentleman with a briefcase. Joe grinned. He knew what was in there.

“Joe?” said the man.

“Yep,” said Joe.

“Hi, I’m Neil Lane,” the man said, and they shook hands. “I’m here to help you pick a ring.”

“Thank you so much,” Joe said.

They sat down at a table where the sunlight was good so Joe could really see the rings in all their glory. Inside the briefcase were three ring boxes. Neil opened each one and let Joe look at them. They sparkled and glittered.

“Which one catches your eye?” Neil asked.

“Honestly, they’re all kind of blinding me,” Joe joked. 

Neil chuckled.

“The one on the right is a classic oval shape,” he explained. “It’s three carats. The middle is a cushion cut with a twisted band for a unique shape. It’s three and a half carats. The one on the left is a pear shape, three carats. All rings are set in platinum, and have a halo for extra sparkle.”

Joe reached for the middle one. It had his attention throughout Neil’s explanation. The cut was classic, but he really liked the shape of the band. It was special, and unlike any ring he had ever seen before. The same as you. He pulled it out of the box and examined it closer. It was clear and beautiful. Also like you. He could imagine it on your hand from this day forward.

“I like this one,” he said.

“Good eye,” Neil praised. “That was my favorite too. I know she’ll love it.”

“It’s perfect,” Joe said. “Like her.”

He returned the ring to the box, plucked it out of the briefcase, and shook Neil’s hand again. Then he returned to his room to get ready.

You left the hospital and returned to your hotel about an hour after you woke up. Your team was rushing to get you ready. You had a stunning ivory colored gown they zipped you into while the stylists put the last touches on your hair and makeup. Then, you were going to Milford Sound for the proposal.

You arrived first. Production had put together a stunning walkway out into the water where a platform sat just above the shallow water. There was a small stool there and on it was the final rose. You took a deep breath, appreciating the warm breeze and the smell of the beautiful nature around you. This was the place you would promise yourself to Joe, the love of your life, for all of your life. With that in mind, you took the first step forward.

Walking to the platform felt like it took years. You were so eager to see Joe and tell him the good news. It was just you and him from here on out. Eventually, you reached the end. You picked up the final rose and looked out over the water. The wind tossed your hair as you waited.

Joe arrived second. He stepped out of the car to make his way to where you were, but first, he met Chris Harrison.

“Chris,” he said with a smile.

“How are you, Joe?” Chris asked as they shook hands.

“Doing well, I’m excited,” Joe said. “How is Y/N?”

“She’s doing great,” Chris assured him. “In perfect health today.”

“Perfect,” Joe said.

“Have you thought about what you’re gonna say?” Chris asked.

“I have,” Joe replied. “I know what’s on my heart, and I’ll convey it to her the best I can. If I can remember it all when I see her,” he finished with a chuckle.

“Well, good luck to you, friend,” Chris said. “Go on ahead. Y/N is waiting for you.”

Joe’s feet felt like bricks as he started down the walkway. He came around the first curve and got a glimpse of you. You looked like something out of a movie. The way the breeze tossed your hair perfectly about your face. Your dress fluttered like a flower. The way you smiled when you spotted him almost made him crumple.

“Hi,” you said sweetly as he approached.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he replied, voice catching in his throat. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N.”

Your smile widened as you fell in love with him all over again. He took your hands in both of his. You gazed adoringly into his eyes.

“Y/N, I knew going into this journey that I was taking a risk,” he began. “A big one. But I never imagined how great the reward would be. I wanted to find love, but what I’ve found in you is beyond that. You have become not only my love, but my best friend. You are the first person I want to see when I wake up in the morning, and the last person I want to talk to before bed each night. A day without you is impossible to imagine. I love you more than I ever thought I could love a person. And I promise you, Y/N, if you let me, I will show you that love every day for the rest of my life.”

You blinked back tears as you smiled at him.

“Joe,” you said. “All my life, I’ve wanted one thing, and that’s a family. A partner who is as devoted to me as I am to him. A man who I respect, admire, and adore. And who makes me laugh.” You both giggled a bit at that. “You have shown me all of that and more. You make me feel so safe and secure, but also excited. You make me feel loved and desired. But you also make me feel like I’m a part of you. And we can be our own little family. I love you, Joe. And I only want to love you from now on.”

He laughed with relief and squeezed your hand.

“I guess there’s only one more thing left to do,” he said.

With that, he released your hand and sank down to one knee. You let out a delighted squeal as he reached into his coat pocket and retrieved a ring box. Then he opened it and presented you with the most gorgeous ring you had ever seen in your life. It was like something right out of your dreams. You gasped and clapped your hand over your mouth.

“Y/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?” 

“Yes, Joe Mazzello, I will marry you!”

Both you and Joe were a mix of laughing and crying. Happy tears were leaking out, but neither of you cared. Joe took the ring out and slipped it onto your awaiting finger. 

“Oh my God!” you cried as you watched.

It fit perfectly. You grabbed Joe and tugged him to his feet so you could kiss him. His lips felt different because they were your fiance’s lips. His arms held you different because they were your fiance’s arms. All of him was different because he was your fiance. Just as you were his.

“I love you!” you cried when you parted.

“I love you!” he returned with equal enthusiasm.

“Oh, wait, there’s one more thing!” you gasped.

His brow furrowed with confusion as he watched you walk back over to the little table. He bit back a laugh when you picked up the rose. You returned to him.

“Joe,” you said, cheeks aching from how hard you were smiling. “Will you accept this rose?”

“Forever,” he assured you.

You giggled and pinned it to his jacket. Your ring caught the light as you did, and you could have squirmed with the thrill.

“Forever,” you repeated.

He took your face in his hands and started toward you for another kiss.

“Forever.”

As you kissed him, you thanked the universe for this journey. As dramatic and tumultuous as it was, as often as you felt heartbroken and helpless, it led you here. To forever with Joe. The life of your dreams awaited you.

[deeeelightfuldee]

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me. 

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up. 

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not. 

How many bedrooms are in your house? four. 

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby. 

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing. 

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric. 

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy. 

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment. 

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times. 

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more. 

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore. 

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know. 

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

[jasontoddiefor]

Sunday Batfam Fanfic Recs!

Today I got some painful fanfics for you! 27 ones to be precise! Have fun! Cry a lot and leave these authors many tearful comments!

I’m a little busy right now, which is why I didn’t do any fanfic rec lists in the last weeks, but I’m trying to get back on schedule!

Title: (re)incarnation Summary: "Shut up," one of the men hissed. "Do you want a beating, brat?" "No," Dick said. "But maybe I deserve one. I mean, you did just shoot a kid like he deserved it. How should I know what I deserve?" "Shut up, or you might just end up deserving one," the other guy snapped. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16044062

Title: Anathema Summary: When a new crime lord in Gotham gets the upper hand, Red Hood and Batman are dealt crippling blows. When faced with near death and an inability to hide behind their masks in the weeks after, Jason and Bruce have to deal with some old haunts between them. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18604273

Title: An Act of Mercy Summary: "You're gonna be okay," Tim keeps saying. "I'm here. We're almost home. You're gonna be okay." Or, that time Bruce gets hit with Fear Toxin. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19036840

Title: Break Summary: In which Jason is dead and Dick has reached his breaking point. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18496762

Title: Frightening but not afraid Summary: When the family is hit by a new strain of fear toxin, safety is in numbers. Unfortunately, three members of the flock are still out there, afraid and alone. Bruce may not be the best at comforting his children, but apparently, he can let his wings do the talking Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20120557

Title: goodnight, gotham Summary: In the wake of shooting penguin, Jason Todd's world is torn to shreds. And perhaps found again. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16572116

Title: I survived (but I paid for it) Summary: sometimes, the only way to survive is to go numb. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20418752

Title: I’m in paradise with Dad Summary: Jason dies in Bruce's arms rather than before he gets there. It messes some things (and people) up Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/711570

Title: I’m just fine Summary: After rescuing a group of children (including himself) from being kidnapped and sustaining injuries in the process, Tim has difficulty thinking about anything except his guilt over what he could have done better. Based on a story from the comics. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18935299

Title: Like Any Other Kid Summary: Damian's had nightmares every night since he was resurrected and has refused to tell anyone about them until now. Tired of dealing with them, he does what any other kid would do and joins his father in bed. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7588219

Title: Liminal Spaces Summary: Bruce's habit of collecting strays is not limited by dimension. Or: When Young Justice Batman comes across an angsty, seemingly abandoned by his Batman Tim Drake, he decides to step up to the plate and parent the crap out of him Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1414078

Title: little misunderstandings Summary: Bruce has heard that line hundreds of times, mostly in his own thoughts, when he sets his eyes on the clown. Clark was the one to tell him first. He would have done it. He's known for years that those words were the only thing that kept his one rule intact. Unfortunately, they are a lie. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1506059

Title: More Like a Nightmare Summary: The criminals in Gotham are gross. Stephanie knows this. Stephanie had a bad childhood. Bruce knows this. One patrol, these two facts come together. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19374331

Title: No Silver Bullet Summary: Everyone knows Batman's origin story. Everyone has heard about Bruce Wayne's tragic past, and his orphaning. It's also common knowledge that Batman doesn't like guns. However, Bruce's PTSD and triggering because of guns isn't often explored... Here are five times that Bruce was triggered, and one time something was different. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20633273

Title: Of Gunshots and being Enough Summary: Stephanie Brown is Robin, but no one seems to believe it. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18056402

Title: Papercuts Summary: They've always said that lies hurt the ones you love the most. None of Bruce's children had any idea how important it was for him to know the truth. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20895134

Title: Tell-tale Summary: " 'Hey,' Jason calls, and Tim turns around with a start. Looks surprised he’s been addressed at all. And Jason says, 'You tell ‘im, Babybird. He feels guilty he doesn’t love you.' " Or, the kids compete to see who should give Bruce bad news. But Jason doesn't take Tim and Bruce's fractured relationship into account. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/697095

Title: This distance between us Summary: He wondered where Jason was right now, what he was doing. Probably sleeping, he hoped. Yes, that was it. Fast asleep in his apartment, probably wrapped up like a turtle in the covers. Drooling on his pillow. Blissfully dreaming of muscle cars and guns, or whatever it was teenagers dreamed of. Even though he was twenty now, and not a teenager anymore. Or, Bruce deals with some late-night drasticizing and reacts like a traumatized father of a dead son would. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17749808

Title: the blood stuck beneath his fingernails Summary: Jason is alive- he knows he's alive- but the dreams of the damned, of the dead, drive him near insanity. Luckily, he has people who care for him and motivate him to move forward from the deep melancholy he so often gravitates towards. Features talks with his annoying older brother, his awkward dad, a few mental breakdowns, and the constant wonderings of which gods set Jason up on this path. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1441537

Title: the bridge to nowhere Summary: Jason and Bruce take care of an injured Damian. It forces Jason to reflect on some... unpleasant things. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18239213

Title: The Jason Project Summary: Jason had just wanted to see his autopsy report, he had only wanted to know what information Bruce had about his death. And when Bruce hadn't given it to him, he had stolen it. He hadn’t meant to stumble upon the bucket list of a dead child and the footage of a grieving father crossing one item after another off the list. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19899613

Title: Ugly memories in third person Summary: “Cover your drink.”[Damian's words have consequences and Bruce's mind is not the bomb-proofed system of boxes and compartments he forces himself to believe it is.] Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20301352

Title: Unravel Summary: He doesn’t notice it at first. He’s too happy. He’s back. For good, now. Damian’s alive, and talking to him. Jason and Tim are mad at him for a little while, but they both start talking to him soon enough, too. Cass gives him smiles and hugs, and she lets him kiss her cheek occasionally. So, yeah. He’s too caught up in his family to notice what’s happening at first. In which Dick's trauma catches up to him before he's ready. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/822048

Title: Used to the Darkness Summary: “I’m not there,” he said, trying not to sob. “I’m not in my grave, I’m not in the ground.” “I know,” Bruce whispered, bringing Jason’s hand to his lips. “I’m not Icarus or Ophelia.” Jason’s voice grew louder in an attempt to reach that hidden part of Bruce. “I’m not my death. I’m not a tragedy.” ~ Wherein death is haunting and love is painful. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20921330

Title: What Possesses You Summary: He knew Bruce was eyeing him, surely assessing what his son’s young, unchanging face implied. Jason wanted, desperately, to look back and see that stony face. He wanted to know what lied behind those eyes when Bruce realized that he hadn’t aged a day.~ Immortality is a curse that few can bear Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17852552

Title: when you coming home Summary: Dick speaks to his father after five long years. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20307529

Title: whip-poor-will she sings Summary: What if Jack's emotional abuse of Tim took a more physical turn? Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1536047

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

Rich Girl, Poor Boy (Jungkook x You x Taehyung) (ONESHOT)

A/N:This is a rare occurance where I write a non-idol AU 😂 and also, its not edited, so expect to find lots of grammatical error and typo errors

Jungkook sighed as he looks up at the stars lining the clear dark skies and stands up to make his way inside the huge ballroom of his family mansion, which is often dark and gloomy but tonight is filled with bright lights and people's laughter. Tower of wine and champagne dotted the table, the food, extravagant, the girls, beautiful, the music, exquisite, his parents would have hire Beethoven himself if he were still alive, anything in the name to show everyone, both enemies and allies, how powerful the Jeon family is.

This is just another normal parties for them, for their "crowd". Jungkook is raised within other big families, wealthy families with empires of their own, all only soughting for one thing; more power. But between all the money talks and business opportunities, Jungkook found one friend he knew he could trust and count on, Kim Taehyung, the one and only heir of the Kim family, his childhood friend, and next door neighbour. Taehyung and Jungkook share no similarities. Whist Taehyung prefer to enjoy the more beautiful parts in life, visiting galleries and taking photos of sceneries he foumd mesmerizing, Jungkook prefer to spend his days partying, drunk till the daylight shines and waking up with girls he wont remember the name of the next day. While Taehyung tries to hide away from his family name and fortune, Jungkook basked in every single cent of it. But still, they are the best of friends, always having each other backs againts their parents,  the judgemental society, the world.

"Hey, where have you gone?" Taehyung smile the moment he saw Jungkook came in front the massive garden door, a drink in his hand.

"Just getting a breather from all..." Jungkook looks around the grand ballromm, bright with expensive decorations and chandeliers, "this,"

Taehyung laughed.

"Why? Dont you like parties? Girls? Champagne? A place to show off your the next Jeon heir? This parties have everything you like roll into one Kookie,"

"Yah, I'm not that bad!" Jungkook glares. "You know I only embraced it because theres no way I can run from it. Or hide. You are just lucky your parents gets you Tae," he smile and pat Taehyung's back.

"And you are lucky you got me," Taehyung winked. Jungkook lets out a laugh. True. He dont think he can hold on to his sanity without Taehyung always anchoring him back. Parties, booze, girls, money, its all fun but what Jungkook really wants is to do music. Write it, sing it, performed it, play it. All of it. But music for the sole Jeon heir? Hah, no way in hell his parents is going to let him. And they are not shy in hiding it either. His parents have been telling him about his responsibility as the family heir every since he could understand what money is. Every chance and opportunity he ever had to play music, his parents destroy without hesitation. He dont have a chance to even explain how music makes him feel.

Happy.

So he buried all of it deep in the grounds. And if his parents wants him to embrace his life as a Jeon heir, then a Jeon heir hes going to be. Thus, money, parties, booze and girls.

"Maybe I do Tae," he laughs. "Old people alert," Jungkook points to an old couple, a family friend, waltzing their way to the two young men, a young girl in tow, ready to be inteoduced to the duo. Most probably their daughter, niece, granddaughter, Jungkook doesnt care, its all the same. They are all gorgeous, shallow, vain, dumb and absolutely boring.

"They never give up do they? Even when you and Adora are al-"

"Gotta go now," Jungkook quickly move away, hiding himself behind the huge, thick curtains his mother spent a fortune on. Sensing the line is clear, he makes his way swiftly to behind the buffet line, ducking every few second, trying to make it out of the room. Busy looking around for possible old people prospect he hits a wall.

A wall that talks.

"Oww! Watch where you are going you idiot!"

Jungkook immediately looks down to the girl sprawled on the floor. Not only the wall is a girl. A rude girl. And.. a beautiful one.

Jungkook smiles.

/////

Y/N looks up to the man who bumped into her. Hes now just looking at her, not saying anything. She take this opportunity to size him up. Hes all dressed up in a suit, an expensive suit at that, so he must be a guest. Shit, shes so dead. Lets just hope hes not an important guest. He is also very, beey handsome. Y/N was mesmerized for a second before she gets a grip and blinked.

"Oww! Watch where you are going you idiot!"

The man didnt say anythin, just smiling at her.

"Helloo? Are you deaf? You are blind and now you cant talk too?" She huffed and stands up on her own, holding tightly the huge coat covering her torn dress. She needs to het to the bathroom quickly, but this idiot havent moved.

"Excuse me? May I pass?"

"Oh, yeah right," the man smile and move aside a bit. When shes just about to pass him, he suddenly spoke. "How come I have never seen you before?"

Y/N was surprised at the question. In a ballroom as big as this, does this man assume he knows everyone?

"Because you hit your head and I'm just your imagination," Y/N roll her eyes. Isnt that the worse pick up line or what? The man chuckle.

"Hmm witty. I like it. But seriously. Who are you? May I know your name?"

"No. And I'm in a rush to mend my torn dress, so if you will excuse me," Y/N sighed and try to make her way again. The man stops her by pulling her hand, startling her.

"I think I can help with that" he winks and drag her outside the huge ballroom.

"Wait, where are you taking me?! Stop or I'll scream!"

"You can scream but I think you will be the one in trouble. And trust me. Do you think a criminal would wear a suit this good?" He laughs and continue to drag her along. Y/N contemplates on what he said, confused as to what he meant. But it didnt take long when he stops in front of a giant door and push it open.

Inside the room are walls and walls of clothes. Dresses, pantsuits, skirts any piece of clothing one could ever imagined.

"W-what is all this?"

"Take your pick,"

"B-but whose are all this?" Y/N walks and touched all the expensive material with the tip of her fingers. She turns back and look at him."Who are you? How can you know about this?"

Jungkook was taken by surprise.

"U-uh..." he realizes that the girl dont know who he is, and its so refreshing to meet someone who for once doesnt know who he is, and he really wants to keep it that way. "I work here. I manage the performances? These are all costume. So you can borrow one,"

"Really?" Y/N raised an eyebrow. "All these expensive materials are costumes?"

"Hey, the Jeons ask for the best, and I delivered," he shrugs, feigning ignorance. Y/N ponders for a while. If its the Jeons, what he say could be true. Everybody know they live life basking in luxury "Just pick one okay? As a payback for bumping into you,"

"Well.. if you put it that way..." she grins and start to go through all the beautiful dresses she could only have ever imagine of being this close to.

Jungkook leans by the door and look at the mystery girl rummaging through his mother old clothes, a smile unexpectedly creeping up his face.

"By the way, I'm Y/N," she peeked theough the clothes and smile. "Whats yours?"

"Me? I'm uh... J-Jungkook," Y/N immediately turns to face him and raised her eyebrows at the mentioned of the name and Jungkook immediately realizes she knows who "Jungkook" is. "Kim Jungkook," he quickly corrected. "I am Kim Jungkook," he laugh awkwardly, hoping she wont notice anything.

"Jungkook? Thats your name? The same name as the heir to this household?" Y/N asks, curious.

"Uh... yeah. You know him?" Jungkook asks cautiously, crossing his fingers for her answer to be no.

"Not personally, of course," she laughs. "I dont know what he looks like but I do hear that name being mentioned once in a while," she shrugs. "And you work here? Isnt that confusing?" She giggles.

"Uh no. I dont really work in close proximity with him. Hes always out and about. Doing uh... stuff," Jungkook answers nervously. "And we also look totally different,"

"Yeah? Well, if he is as handsome as people say he is, maybe you guys have a lot of similarities," Y/N laughs and went back to dive inside the closet

"Maybe..," Jungkook smiles. "Maybe we do," Oh Y/N, you have no idea.

/////

"You keep texting and smiling these days Y/N. Is someone having a new boyfriend?" Adora giggle and peek her hewd to the phone screen that Y/N is holding, which she quickly hide with a blush on her face.

"N-no. Not a boyfriend...."

"But.. it is a boy?" Adora's eyes turned wide, her grin; bigger. "Oh my god, why didnt you tell me?! Im so excited! Who is he? Where did yoi two meet? Show me a picture!"

Y/N laughed.

"Well.. I uh didnt think you would be interested in my love life, since you know.. you are my-"

"Friend?" Adora glares at her. "That better be the end of your sentence L/N Y/N!" She crosses her arms across her chest and frowns. Y/N smile sheepishly.

"Y-yeah. Friends," Y/N agrees, eventhough she knows they are no where near to being friends. But she knows better than to defy Adora. Her relationship with Adora is... complicated? Well, not really. Shes her personal maid. Enough said. Although Adora prefer the word "handmaiden" or "personal assistsnce" or her personal favorite, "friend". To be fair, Adora really does thinks of her as a friend, and treated her like one too. But Y/N know her place. Shes a maid. Thats all she is. She jumped from one job to another, washing peoples clothes, washing dishes, picking up trash to get by, and by luck, out of million others who applied, Adora, the only daughter of a multi millionaire pick her to be her "personal assistance". She has only been working with her for a month, but she can already tell that Adora has the heart of gold.

"So who is he? You should tell your friend this kind of things you know," she giggles. "How did you two meet?"

"Well... actually. We uh met at that party you brought me a month ago," she blushes and looks down.

"Shut up!" Adora squeals. "You have met him a month ago and this is the first time I'm hearing this?! You have been texting this guy for a month?!"

"Well... yeah?"

"Oh gosh, things must have been serious! Tell me more!" Adora gushed excitedly. "And you met him at the party? Thats means he must be some other chaebol too! Oh Y/N, we can have a double wedding!"

"What?" Y/N laughs. "Okay, first of all, I only known him for a month. And second, hes not a chaebol. He works there. Do you think some rich kid would even spare me a second glance. I was there at the party as your m-mai-" her words trailed off when Adora glares. "Uh friend. I was only there as your friend, not even in the guest list,"

"Well, anyone would be blind to not fall for you. You are beautiful, inside and out," she smiles. Y/N nods and gave her a small smile. She knows Adora is just being nice, but coming from a beauty queen that has everything like her, it does means a lot. "Okay, I have to go meet my fiance. But you are not off the hook yet! You will definitely tell me everything about this mystery guy when I came back okay?"

Y/N laughs and nods.

"Anything you need me to prepare for while you are out?"

"Hmmm, nothing," Adora ponders. "Oh right, my fiancee is coming here after the cake appointment. So maybe you can prepare some tea and cakes or something?"

"Wait," Y/N pretends to gasps. "You are telling me I finally get to meet this infamous fiancee of yours?"

Since she has only been working here for a month, she has never met Adora's fiancee. She never asked about him either. All she knows is that his family is just as rich as Adora's is and they are childhood friends. Their parents sets them up together so that the famoly money will stay close.

"I guess you finally will," she winks. "Ill see you okay? Love ya," Adora picks up her Balanciaga purse and give her a flying kiss before heading off to the car where the driver is waiting.

Well, she guess she better prepare something special for this special guest then.

/////

"Seriously, why am I being dragged to a cake testing?" Taehyung complaint for the gazillion time as they walk passed rows and rows of expensively decorated cake.

"Because Tae, its free food. And you are my bestfriend, so you should get tortured with me," Jungkook shrugs and poke one of his fingers in one the cake and lick the cream off.

"You both can afford the best wedding planner ten times over, why even bother to taste the cake? Cant you pay someone to do it?" Taehyung poke the same cake and licks it clean too.

"Because," Jungkook roll his eyes. "As if you dont know my fiance Tae. She aims for this to be the wedding of the millenium. And shes a superb bridezilla. She wants to have a say in everything. And apparently, she wants me around while shes saying it,"

"And you follow what she says because?"

"So that I can go home and sleep peacefully at night and not have her and my parents all nagging at me to take this damn wedding seriously!"

"Damn wedding?" Taehyung raised an eyebrows. "I thought you have accepted the fact that you have always meant to marry one of our own? And shes your closest friend, other than me of course. And isnt it you who said, "If I have to marry for riches, I'm glad its Adora"?"

"Well..." Jungkook scratched his head. "That was before I met someone..." Taehyung's eyes widen. "At that party a month ago,"

"You are engaged Jeon Jungkook, what do you mean you met someone?!"

"Shut up okay! We dont want Adora to hear!" Jungkook hissed while looking around. "I just did okay. Its not like I planned it. Shes just so... refreshing. Not to mention... so undeniably beautiful," Jungkook smiles.

"What the hell Kookie? You sound as if you really like this girl. And you never like anyone!"

"I dont know Tae. Shes... different," Jungkook shrugs. "And I really think I want to try with her,"

"Oh my god," Taehyung rans his hands across his face. "So what are you going to do? The wedding is in a few months,"

"I seriously dont know Tae," Jungkook sighs.

"Well, I think, what you need to do now is..." Taehyung smile and nods to someone behind Jungkook, and Jungkook knows exactly who that is by the sound of her expensive heels and the smell of her even more luxurious perfume, "is taste the damn cake with your fiance,"

/////

Tea... Cupcakes... Sugar... Creamers... Short breads...

Y/N arranged the centerpiece for the millionth time as she straighten the teapot again. All ready for Adora and her fiance. Y/N wants it to be perfect. After all, thats the best she can do for the nice treatment Adora has been giving her all this while. She straighten her dress and pick at a lose thread and takes a deep breath. Why is she even so nervous? Y/N chuckle to herself.

She quickly make her way to the doorway once she heard the sound of engine running at the driveway.

That must be Adora.

She opened the door to welcome a smiley Adora who linked her arms to hers while pushing a box of cakes into her other hand.

"Here. I brought some of the cakes we tasted. Tell me what you think okay?" She smiles and walked with Y/N to the tearoom. Y/N looked behind her shoulders to see if there are any guests.

"Wheres uh-"

"My fiancee?" Adora giggles. "You are really eager to meet him dont you? He will be in in a minute. Lets just go first. Hes been here a million times, he knows how to welcome himself in," she takes a seat at the neatly arranged table and Y/N quickly rushed over to served her the tea and cakes.

"You did a good job Y/N," Adora nods at the selection of tea and desserts spread in front of her.

"Thanks miss. I-"

"Dora, where do you want me to put your-" Y/N halted from pouring the tea, spilling it on the table the moment she heard the voice. very familiar voice. A voice that she heard for the first time a month ago, but it never left her mind... and heart. Her heart stops as she looks up from the spilled tea and Adora's frowns to see the face of the man that has been haunting her dreams. And by the look of how he too stop mid sentence, Y/N is pretty sure he recognizes her too.

"Jungkook?"

Adora quickly turns her head up from Y/N to Jungkook to Y/N again. Confused on how the two know each other. Confused on how her maid can adress her fiancee so casually.

"Wait. How do you know his name?" Adora looks at her, a frown on her face. "Dont tell me you two know each other?"

"Well, we uh..," Y/N gulped and looks from Adora to Jungkook, not really sure what to say. Is this really Adora's fiancee? She will kill her if she knows about her and Jungkook. "We-"

Jungkook quickly recovered from his shocked and cut her off.

"No we dont. I have never seen her before in my life. Maybw you got the wrong person?" Jungkook shrugs and place Adora's thibgs on the chair.

"But babe, she knows your name?" Adora looks at him, still suspicious. He kmows Jungkook is a ladies man, but he promise he will honor their relationship, although they both know he doesnt love her.

"Baby, almost everyone know my name. But that doesnt mean I kmow them now do I?"

Y/N looks at the two conversing like she isnt even there, dumbfounded. Is Jungkook really the wrong guy? Or is he pretending not to know her? But why? But then again, the Jungkook she knows cant be Adora's fiancee right? Her fiancee is the Jeon's heir. Are they twins or something?

"Are you sure Kookie? Y/N looks like she really knows you," Adora tilted her head, confused and suspicious.

"I dont babe. Who is she anyway?" Jungkook took a step forward and look at her. Y/N stares back, taking in all his features. His brown doe eyes, his bunny teeth, the mole under his lips... yes its him. She can recognize him anywhere after the countless photos they exchanged through texts. "Your friend?"

"Y-yeah, she uh.. my friend," Adora smiles. Jungkook looks at hee and back to Y/N again after her stutter and laughs.

"Babe, why is your friend serving you tea then? Are you befriending the help again?" Jungkook laughs and take a sit. "Hey, pour me some," he motioned to Y/N. With shaky hands and beating hearts, Y/N went over and serve the man the tea she work so hard to made perfect.

Adora ignores him and ask him again, seeking confirmation. "Are you sure you dont know her Kookie?" She turns to Y/N. "Y/N? You sure?"

Y/N gulped. Should she tell the truth? But whats the point if Jungkook himself is hiding the fact that they know each other right?

"I dont babe. Just trust me already," Jungkook sighed, saving Y/N from answering. "Besides, where would I even know a..." he looks at Y/N with disgust. "A maid from? I dont even remember my own maids, why would I remember yours?"

Y/N felt her heart stop. So much for thinking hes the only guy at the party that wasnt stuck up and see people for who they are and not their status. Hes actually the worse of them all!

"She was at the party a month ago Kookie. The party at your house? Remember? I brought her along,"

His house. That explain the closet full of dresses. Gosh Y/N, how are you so stupid? Works with costume? Same name as the heir? So gullible Y/N! Serves you right.

"Nahh, doesnt ring a bell. Maybe she saw me baby," Jungkook shrugs. "I am afterall is the host,"

"Y/N?" Adora looks at her.

"I-I uh.." Y/N tried to blink back the tears and embarrasment she felt. "I was mistaken. Im very sorry Sir, Miss," she bows.

Adora sigh. "Fine, I will believe you Y/N because I know you wont lie to me. Now I need to make one phone call, Kookie, will you help Y/N carry my stuff inside?"

"Its okay! I can do it on my own!" Y/N quickly interjects. Theres no way she wants to be alone with Jungkook, sorry, Jeon Jungkook right now.

"Dont be stupid. Its a lot. And its Birkins. I dont want you to drop them," Adora giggles. "I went shopping earlier. Help her Kookie, I'll be back," she smile and went out to her call.

Y/N kept quiet and quickly gather up the bags. Jungkook immediately gran her wrist the moment Adora left the room.

"Y/N, I can ex-"

"Sir, please let go of my hand. I need to get going with Miss Adora's bags," Y/N tries to shake him off.

"No! You are not going anywhere until you let me explain!" Jungkook insisted, turning her to face him but Y/N immediately avoid eye contact. How can she look him in the eye after what he did. All her life, her friends have been embarassed by her because of what she do, she cant believe she fell for a guy who felt that way about her too.

"You dont need to ecplain anything Sir, I understand,"

"Stop fucking call me that! And just let me fucking explain!"

The harsh words struck a cord in her, making Y/N bravely look up to his face. "Explain what huh? How you lied to me about who you are? Or how you just insulted me? Or how you are sooo embarassed to actually admit that you know me?" She lets out a sarcastic laugh. "Of course you are. You are the great Jeon Jungkook right? How can you be associated with a maid? How can you even be friends with one?! And you are even engaged!"

"Y/N, please," Jungkook look defeated but still grab her hand before she can walk away. "You dont understand. My world... its different than yours. Its all about money, and status. Adora and me is not even in love with each other but we are getting married because her family status is the only one that matches mine!"

"Right Jungkook, blame it on the money, on the status. But you know what, all that doesnt determined what kind of a person you are. The disgusted look on your face when you realized that I'm your fiancee's maid? No one can fake that," she laughs. "I was wrong about you. Your kind are all the same!"

"W-wrong about me? What do you mean?" Jungkook pull her back again. "Y/N please okay? Give me time to figure things out. Its hard for me!"

"Its hard for you? Really?" Y/N laughs again. "Then I'll make it easy for you. Just forget that you ever knew me. I'm just Miss Adora's maid!" She yelled and grab all the shopping bags.

"Y/N, atleast let me-" Jungkook tries to grab some of the bags from her.

"Just dont Jungkook," she said so weakly and brokenhearted, Jungkook stop mid track. "Just dont okay? Just stay here and have tea with your fiancee. She deserves better," Y/N quickly grab everything and ran off, leaving Jungkook standing alone in the tea room.

/////

Y/N kicked the lose stone with her foot, sighing loudly. After rearranging the Birkins in Adora's massive closet, she was dismissed, much to her relief. Although she is unsure whether her dismissal is cause by Adora suspicion about her and Jungkook or just because her help wasnt needed. Whatever it is, Y/N was grateful as she make her way to the empty garden. She needs to get whatever the hell it is that happened earlier our of her system. She needs to get Jungkook, Adora's fiancee, the Jeon's heir Jungkook, out of her system. She dont know how much longer she can work here. Once Adora and Jungkook gets married, she is pretty sure she will be seeing him even more. She decides to quit as soon as he find something else. Although working with Adora pays good money, but she values her insanity more. She has to quit. She will quit right after the wedding. When Adora dont need her help as much anymore.

"Hey, I didnt know anyone is here? I'm usually the only one who hangs around here," A male voice interrupted her thoughts as she felt his presence sitting down besides her. Y/N look up to the most handsome man she has ever seen. She almost rub her eyes, thinking shes dreaming. How can anyone who looks like that be real?

"I-I'm sorry. Im new here. The whole month I was here no one ever comes to this garden," she quickly stands up amd bows, ready to walk away. The man laughs and pull her wrist, asking her to sit down. For a monent when their skin touched, Y/N felt butterflies.

"Hey its alright. Its a big garden, we can share," he smiles and Y/N immediately feel comfortable. "And also its my fault, I havent come to visited Adora for so long. So thankyou for keeping my favorite garden bench warm,"

"Oh. Y-you are Miss Adora's friend?" Y/N immediately stands up and bows. Adora might treat her like a friend, but she is pretty sure her friends doesnt. And the way Jungkook just treated her proves that. The man furrowed his brows, confused.

"Why are you bowing? And why do you call Dora miss?"

"I'm uh her-"

"Wait, are you her personal helper?"

"Yes, yes I am," Y/N smile at the term the man use. Personal helper, instead of maid. Shes also sure that if this main is Adora's friend, means hes part of that world. The world that Jungkook said cared about status and money more than anything. He would definitely shoo her away now that he knows shes the maid. "I'm sorry to have bothered you. Miss Adora said I can use this garden if I wanted too. I didnt know someone else uses it too,"

"Where are you going?" The man pouts. "Just stay here and talk to me somemore. I'm bored. I mean, if tou dont mind?" He looks at her. Y/N blinks. He still wants to talk to her eventhough shes the help?

"B-but, maybe you didnt hear me. I'm Miss Adora's maid,"

"Uh okay?" The man looks at her confused. "Ohhh, do you have to go and do for her right now?"

"N-no. I mean... I'm a maid. Are you sure you want me to stay and talk to you?"

"Whats wrong with that? A helper is just a job, not who you are. And plus, why wouldnt I want to stay and talk to a pretty girl like you?" He winks, making Y/N blush. Y/N contemplate for a momebt, and after a bad day she had, maybe talking to this handsome stranger is what she needed.

"Okay. Maybe I can spare a few minutes," she smile and sits back down.

"Just so you know, Im not some weirdo or anything. I came here with my friend, hes Adora's fiancee. Maybe you know him?" Y/N nodded slowly. Oh.. so he knows Jungkook too, which means they are all childhood friends. "I'm Kim Taehyung by the way, whats your name?"

Y/N smile. Even his name is beautiful.

"I'm L/N Y/N. Hi Kim Taehyung, its nice to meet you,"

/////

"Is Tae really coming Kookie?" Adora plays with her freshly manicured fingers and looks at her fiance.

"Yeah. He promised me," Jungkook answered lazily. He spent the whole day at Adora's house after the fateful meeting with Y/N earlier, hoping to catch a glimpse of her again, but nothing. Adora had dismissed her for the rest of the day. Now she suggested they went out for dinner, and to avoid the boring conversations he would have with his future wife, he ask, no, forced Taehyung to come with him, which suprisingly, he said yes easily.

"Maybe he bailed. You know he hates to third wheel us Kookie. Why do you always drag him anyway?"

"Well, because hes the best man babe. He should know stuff. And also, he said hes bringing a date tonight," Jungkook shrugs.

"A date? Taetae? Who? Do I know the girl?"

Jungkook turns to look at his fiance and smirks. "Is that jealousy I hear babe? You know I'm still your fiancee right?"

"What the hell are you even talking about? Why would I be jealous if Taetae dates someone?" She laughs awkwardly. "Its about time he does,"

Jungkook laughs and roll his eyes. "Oh please babe, anyone can see you have the hots for him since we were five. Too bad your stuck with me. Dont worry, I still support your love for him. I think you will be good for him," Jungkook laughs. Adora's face turned red.

"Shut up! And dont say anything to anyone. Remember I'm marrying you wild bunny! And what an unfortunate luck that is," she laughs.

"Girls would kill to be you babe, you know that," Jungkook smiles. "Here comes your lover boy," Jungkook motioned to the red Jaguar parked outside as Taehyung huddled out.

"Hey Tae," he smile. "Wheres your imaginary date?" Jungkook looks around and laughs. Taehyung hits his shoulder and laughs.

"Its not imaginary. But then again, shes so beautiful, you might not think shes real," Taehyung winks.

"Whatever," Jungkook roll his eyes. "Where is she?"

"Actually, I'm here to pick her up," Taehyung smile, making both Adora and Jungkook confused. "Here she is now," he motioned to Y/N whos walking through the lawn from the maid's door. "Dora, I hope you dont mind I'm taking Y/N out tonight?"

Adora's eyes widen in surprise, jealousy stir inside of her but she still feel happy for Y/N as she knows that Taehyung will take good care of her. She plastered on a smile.

"Y/N? Shes your date?" She grins. "Sure Tae. Just make sure you show her a good time,"

"You know I will," he winks and reached out his arms to Y/N. "Hey, you look beautiful," he smiles.

Jungkook who has been watching the whole thing quietly clenched his fist without realizing. When the fuck did Taehyung meet her? And she said yes to his invitation just like that?!

Y/N almost stop mid way when she saw Jungkook and Adora at the hallway. Taehyung only asks her out to dinner, he didnt say its a double date! She almost turned back but Taehyung already approached her.

"Hey, you look beautiful," he smiles.

"H-hi Tae," she blushes shyly and start fussing with her simple sundress the moment she saw both Taehyung and Jungkook in a suit and Adora in a enchantingly beautiful dress, no doubt designer. What the hell is she thinking? She accepted Kim Taehyung's invitation , one of the most sought after heir there is, yes she googled, and she thinks her sundress is good enough? "I - uh I didnt know Jungkook-ssi and Miss Adora is coming too," she leans in and whisper to him. "I think I'm under dress,"

Taehyung laughs.

"You look very beautiful Y/N," he reached out and hold her hand, making her feel hot all over. "She does right?" He beams at the other two. Adora quickly link her arms with her. "You do! It doesnt really matter what you wear Y/N!" Adora leans in closer to her. "Especially not when Kim Taehyung keeps on looking at you like that," she winks, making Y/N blush ever more.

Jungkook who heard what Adora said felt her whole face heat up. That little- urghhh.

"Come on Kookie. Lets go. Lets drive our own car and leave the lovebirds alone," Adora giggles and link arms with Jungkook. Jungkook looks up to see Y/N's reaction to what Adora said. Surely she must felt something. Just this morning they were still texting each other! But what he sees when he looks up is Taehyung staring at her, smiling shamelessly and Y/N staring back, smiling shyly.

This date night is going to be a loooong night.

/////

Things were going well between Y/N and Taehyung. After that surprisingly comfortable and not at all awkward date night, they have gotten closer. Taehyung spend a lot of time at Adora's house now. Main excuse being he is Jungkook's best man and he have to be there, but with all the dismissal Adora kept giving her when Taehyung is around, everyone knows the real reason Taehyung is around.

Still, seeing Jungkook and Adora together still hurts her sometimes. Seeing him laugh with her, joking around. Y/N knows they dont love each other, but the comfortable level and chemistry they have with one another, after being friends since they were born, makes her jealous sometimes. She can see the real side of Jungkook whenever she came in to serve them dinner or tea, or help Adora with some of her things. She can see what a dork he really is, despite his label of being a wild, party man. She can see that hes funny, caring, competitive and he has a love for food like no other. And all this little things only makes her fall for him even more, despite Taehyung being the sweetheart he is around her.

But Jungkook is Adora's fiancee, and nothing can change that. Plus, Jungkook refuses to be associated with her, cant be associated with her, the maid. So maybe its best that she stick to her plan to leave after the wedding.

/////

"Hey, that engagement tea party you are having with Dora, you dont mind if I bring Y/N right?" Taehyung asks as they were having drinks together. Jungkook felt his heart boiled everytime Taehyung mentioned her name. Its bad enough that he can only see her during the short minutes she came in to serve them food, but she isnt even replying to any of his texts or answer his calls anymore. He misses her, although he knows its his fault for not saying anything when they came face to face.

"Sure. But wont she need to work or something? She works for Dora you know," Jungkook tries to act nonchalant. The whole reason why he wanted to host the party at Adora's house is because he hope to see Y/N, even if its only glimpses of her. The closer he is to the wedding, the more anxious he becomes.

"I'm sure Dora would give her an exception. She seems ro be very supportive of our relationship," Taehyung smiles.

"So... what are you two now? Like boyfriend girlfriend or something?" Jungkook acts line he doesnt care about the answer although his heart is screaming for Taehyung to just answer the damn question.

"Well...no," Taehyung answer and take a sip of his drink, as Jungkook felt relieved with the answer. "But I hope that would change, real soon," he smiles. "Like real soon. Like tea party soon?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think I want to ask her to be my girlfriend, at your engagement party," Taehyung grind and took out a box from his pocket, which opens up to a beautiful ring. "Its romantic right? Asking her to go steady with me at an engagement party?"

"A ring?" Jungkook eyed the ring carefully, in his heart he knows he would buy Y/N something much better than that if hes given a chance, "dont you think thats too much just to ask her to be your girlfriend? You are not asking her to marry you. Right?" Jungkook asks nervously. Taehyung laughs.

"Of course not. But being extra is what we are all about Kookie. I know she dont care about all this material shit, and thats why I love her, but I want her to know shes special. You k-"

"Wait, love her?" Jungkook sits up from his leaning position.

"Well..." Taehyung grins sheepishly. "I know its just a month Kookie... but I think I love her. Ive never met anyone like her,"

Jungkook tries to calmed down his heart, his hand shaking from wanting to punch Taehyung right in the face. The worst part is, he knows how that feels. Because he too, admitted to himself a long time ago, that he is head over heels in love with Y/N. But he ruined everything didnt he?

/////

I'll be right back okay?" Taehyung kisses her hands and smile before heading off to meet someone in a suit. Must be one of his business partner or something. Y/N nods and smile and stood at the most glamourous tea party she has ever attended. Well, the only tea party she ever attended. Who host tea parties nowadays anyway? But the fabulousness of the party is expected from Adora. Feeling awkward standing on her own, Y/N make her way to a more secluded part of the garden after observing that Taehyung will most probably take a long time. She sat down at the bench and closes her eyes, inhaling the fresh air, thinking about what her life have becomes. How did she managed to catch Kim Taehyung's eyes? He is not playing her is he?

"I can see that you are enjoying the lifestyle of rich and famous,"

Y/N eyes popped open to the voice and as expected, stood right in front of her, Jeon Jungkook with a cocky smile. She immediately stood up and start to walk away.

"Where are you going? Cant take the truth?" Jungkook mocked. What is he implying? That she is using Taehyung for his riches? Y/N turns around, glaring at her.

"What do you want Jungkook-ssi?"

"Jungkook-ssi?" Jungkook laughs. "Dont you think we have moved past that? Especially when my fiancee told me that you told her you met someone incredible at the party few months back. Im assuming thats me?"

Y/N rolled her eyes.

"So what? You are here to gloat? I was dumb back then. It was a mistake. You are obviously not who I thought you were. I thought you were different, but you are not," Y/N sighed. "Is that all?"

"So Taehyung is?" Jungkook look straight into her eyes, face serious.

"H-he-" his question took her by surprise.

"Is Taehyung different then Y/N? Is he everything you ever wanted then? Is he able to erase all your memories of me? Of us?" Jungkook took a step closer to her. Y/N felt her breathing starts to goes rapid and tries to calm down. Jungkook still has this effect on her.

"T-taehyung is a good man. Hes kind, handsome, nice, a gentleman, a romantic, he treats me good, he kno-"

"But do you love him?"

"W-what?" Y/N panics. How could Jungkook asks her that.

"Do you. Love. Him?" Jungkook repeated the question more seriously and took a step forward.

"I-I," she panics. "How can I answer that? Its only been a month since we met!"

"But you were in love with me within a month that we met," Jungkook closes the gap and held both her wrists, whispering close to her face.

"I was not!"

"Yeah.. you are," he smirks, face only inches from hers.

"N-no, I wasnt!"

"You are Y/N, in fact, you are still in love with me now," he smirks more.

"I am definitely not!" She tries to squirm as he gets closer.

"Yeah?" Jungkook smirks and closes the gap, his lips on her, tounge asking permission for more which Y/N immediately granted as she closes her eyes as his lips touched hers.

The kiss felt like it lasted forever when Jungkook finally pull away and look into her eyes, whispering. "I love you Y/N. As much as you love me, I love you more,"

Y/N felt tears prickled her eyes. She wanted to hear those words from him from the first day she realized her feelings. But now that she did... she knows they can never be.

"Please, choose me. Dont choose Tae. Choose me," Jungkook said softly, begging. Y/N closes her eyes, the tears she tried to blink back finally rolled out. "Please?"

"I-" she sobs. "I always have been choosing you Jungkook," she answered back, barely a whisper. "But will you... ever be able to choose me?"

Jungkook was surprised by her answer, eyes widening. Y/N lets out a half smile and released herself from his grip.

"Just... go away Jeon Jungkook. For real this time," she wipe her tears and ran off into the party before Jungkook can say anything.

/////

"Hey, you okay? Where did you go? I was looking all over for you," Taehyung greeted her, smiling. Y/N smile back and looks at him. Such the perfect guy. "Whats wrong? Anything wrong with my face?"

Y/N smile. "No Tae," she grazed his face. "You are perfect,"

"Yeah? Well, in that case, I have something to ask you," he smile and take her to a water fountain in the park, already decorated with fairy lights, her favorite. He sat her down and kneeled in front of her, hands holding both of hers. "Y/N? I know we just met. But I want you to know that Ive never felt this happy as this one month that I am with you. And at first... I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend today..."

Y/N's mouth gaped open, surprised.

"But..." Taehyung continues. "I realized that that wasnt enough for me. I know its too fast and we dont have to do it right away, you can take all the time you need, but Y/N please say yes. Please Y/N... will you... uh..." Taehyung looks utterly nervous as he smile and looks into her eyes."Will you do the honors of being my wife?"

/////

Taehyung smiles and fix his best friend's bowtie. Jungkook looks emotionlessly at his reflection in the mirror.

"Its your wedding day Kookie, why do you look like a zombie?" Taehyung asks and smile. Jungkook tries to flash a small smile but failed. He chase after Y/N that day at the party. It took him a few minutes to realized that he dont care what his parents will say, he dont care what society will say, he dont care what Adora or Taehyung will think of him. He dont care about money or status. He never did. It was all what his parents put inside his head. All he cares about right now is that Y/N knows that he chooses her. And he will keeps on choosing her. He wants to be with her. He knows he will be his happiest as long as Y/N is with him. But the few minutes he took is a few minutes too late. The moment he found her, all he can see is Taehyung kneeling down in front of her, smiling, the ring box opened and presented to her.. asking Y/N to marry him.

To marry him.

Jungkook immediately turns back and ran out from the party before she can answer. He dont need to hear it. He already knows that happiness will never ever again be his.

And now its one week later, he is in his wedding suit, about to get married to his childhood bestfriend, and the man who get the girl of his dreams, his best man.

"I just want to get today over and done with Tae," he sighed.

"Kookie," Taehyung turned serious. "You know... if you dont want to marry Dora, you can just tell your parents you know? Sure, they love their money and status but they love you more. Trust me," he smiles.

"Whats the point Tae?" Jungkook gave a small smile. Whats the point when Y/N is marrying you?

"The point is for you to be happy and do what you truly want Kookie,"

"Theres nothing else that I want Tae. Happiness? Happy?" He scoff. "That was never meant for me. And I deserved it. After all the hearts I break, I deserved this fate," Jungkook sighed. "Now just stop with your pep talk and lets get me married okay?" Jungkook look at his relfection one last time and start walking side by side with Taehyung down the aisle.

"Hey Kookie?" Taehyung leans in and whisper. "Its not too late you know," he grins. Jungkook looks at him, confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Y/N. She said no," he smiles. "She said no to my proposal,"

////

"Stop whatever the hell you are doing!" Jungkook yells out at Y/N who is climbing up the bus.

"J-jungkook? What are you doing here?"

Jungkook rushed over and pull her down and signal the driver to drive away after slipping him some cash. "You are just going to leave? You are just goimg to bail on Adora's wedding?!"

"Jungkook," she sighed. "Im just the maid. I didnt think I was even invited. Afterall, I really dont want to be there,"

"Fine. But I'm sorry, I cant let you leave," Jungkook grab her bag and start walking to his car thats parked nearby, hoping Y/N will follow, which she did.

"Jungkook, stop! Give me back my bag! What is wrong with you?! What else do you want from me?!" Y/N is frustrated. He made her miss the bus now she have to spend more money to buy another ticket, something she dont have a lot of.

"What else I want from you?!" Jungkook frowns and turns around, his face serious. "I want you to stay! I dont want you to leave!"

"Why?!" Y/N screamed. "Isnt this what you want? For a maid to no longer bothers you and your friends? Just give me back my bag and leave me alone!"

"You dont know what I want Y/N..." he growls.

"Fine! Then what the hell do you want?!" Y/N never cursed but shes done being nice.

"I want you to marry me,"

"See? You only care about yourself you selfish jerk! Yo- wait, what?" Y/N's eyes widen, finally realizing what he said. Jungkook grins.

"Done yelling at your future husband?" He laughs and closes the gap between them. "I love you Y/N. I made a mistake. A real stupid mistake. And I realized that a little too late. You make the richest man I could ever be, and without you, I am nothing. I am the saddest, poorest man ever lived. But Y/N, marry me and let me spend the rest of our lives making it up to you, making you the happiest woman alive, just as happy as you made me. Please?" He showed her his innocent doe eyes, making Y/N laugh through her tears.

"I-is this for real?"

"Its as real as it can get baby. You dont have to forgive me baby. But please, just marry me,"

"Adora?"

"Oh, lets just say, she totally approved of us," Jungkook winks. "So... is that a yes?"

"Hmmm... what was the question again?"

Jungkook laughs and kneels down, taking out a box from his pocket that housed the biggest and most beautiful diamond Y/N has ever seen.

"L/N Y/N, will you marry me? Please?" Jungkook smile. And in the middle of a deserted bus stop, Y/N said the one word that will change her life forever.

"Yes,"

/////

Jungkook didnt even remember walking down to the end of the aisle. He didnt even remember seeing Adora walked down the aisle. After Taehyung's confession, that is all he can think about.

"Go,"

"Huh?"

"Go Kookie. Y/N is leaving today. Go find her. Now," she smiles.

"But Dora... what about-"

"Us?" Adora laughs. "Kookie, we will always be bestfriends. You know that. And how do you expect to spend the rest of your life with me when we cant even agree on what to have for dinner? Afterall, our families will still be the biggest empire, married to each other or not. Go get her Kookie, I'll handle our parents,"

"H-how about you?" Jungkook's brows furrowed.

"Lets just say," she looks behind him at Taehyung whos smiling back at her and smile, "the one month I spent with Tae to plan your happy ending with Y/N might lead to my own happy ending with my dream guy too," she winks.

[lovesickjoon]

bad religion - jjk (m)

pairing: jungkook/reader

rating: NSFW (18+)

genre: SMUT, hunter!reader au, kingofhell!jungkook (yes this was highkey inspired by spn)

words: 6.7k

desc.: it was a bad religion to fall for someone who could never love you. but, thankfully you hadn't fallen yet. and who knows? maybe he could learn how to love. or namjoon, your dumbass witchy friend ends up possessed by a demon. on halloween night, you make a deal with the devil to try and get him back.

warnings: dirty talk, unprotected sex, oral, dom!jungkook, tiny bit of breathplay, possessive jungkook, probably forgetting something

notes: im sick so this is super unedited! also this is my p late submission for the BTS Smut Club Halloween Smut Fest: Prompt #77 “You can’t sell me your soul, when you don’t have one to begin with.”

The warmth of Summer was long gone. The air felt sticky, despite the chilly breeze. The moon was abnormally bright, casting a silver glow upon the Earth. It was unsettling, being able to only see the moon, and not a single star. The inky clouds that occasionally floated in front of the hanging, luminous pearl, never once caused it to dim. Your stomach churns and twists in protests. Your subconscious continuously beckoned to you, begging for you to turn back. It had been a long drive to find the secluded crossroads, and it was too late to turn back.

You had parked your car several blocks away and were now on foot. Driving this far into the countryside was new to you. Hopefully, you wouldn't have to drive this far here again. It never failed, Namjoon always managed to fuck something up.

There wasn't a shred of doubt in your mind. You knew this would work. It had taken hours of relentless searching to find the proper incantation. You had to dig through the witch's files for days before you found anything remotely close to what you needed.

Witchcraft was something you had promised yourself to avoid messing with. You always left it to Namjoon. You did the stabbing and he did the casting. You were on your own, and you were the only person willing to help your poor fuck up of a best friend.

You glanced around the road, eyeing the sides carefully. You gathered several decent sized rocks. You dropped the bag cautiously onto the dirt and kneeled. You adjusted each rock until they formed a somewhat circular shape. You drew each ingredient out of your bag and placed them in the middle of the circle, one by one. You grabbed a pebble and used it to sketch out the sigil into the dirt. You had to sketch delicately around the rock formation, the last thing you wanted was to mess up the ceremony.

Next, you brought out six onyx colored candles. You pulled the lighter from your jacket, the dirt crunching beneath your weight as you moved. The flame flickered to life, nearly fading out because of the howling wind. You lit the first candle, using your body to block the wind. The candles were specifically created for summoning. They endlessly burn, and are entirely unaffected by nature, unlike your lighter. You returned the lighter back to its place and used the one candle you had burning to light the others.

Next was the picture of you.

You pricked yourself with the needle, squeezing and massaging your finger to try and make the blood flow out easier. The drop landed directly onto the picture of you, and you felt more queasy than ever.

You cleared your throat, staring down at the dancing flames of the candles. The energy is already coursing through the pages, waiting to be unleashed. You can feel it humming through the thick leather. A shaky sigh escapes you when you tightly grasp the book and yank it from the confines of your bag. The book practically leaps into your arms and flings itself open. It violently splits open, the pages hastily whirl by on their own. It was as if the book had a mind of its own.

It seemed... eager... to be used.

The howling wind and the tossing of the grass seemed to still when the first words parted from your lips. You inhaled deeply, trying to focus. The words were familiar, you had repeated them to yourself for hours on end, trying to learn the spell. Though you spoke in broken Latin, you knew the words were transmitting. The text began to glow, and the book grew hotter with each sentence you finished.

The ground began to rumble, and you knew the creature was being torn from its throne. Your throat tightened, and you felt tears begin to poke from the corners of your eyes. It was so much worse being the individual to actually summon a demon. Rarely, when you were observing Namjoon complete a ritual, did you get sick. You always knew that, watching Namjoon get sick. You never realized entirely how sickening the process really was though. It was draining, mentally and physically. It felt as if you were right on the brink of death.

You choked out the last word and threw the book from your hands. The feeling of your skin sizzling and melting away made you hiss. You grabbed your arm, desperate to stop the pain. The book was entirely illuminated, glowing painfully bright. You wrench your eyes closed, the wind was roaring now, and you were convinced the entire planet was rocking back and forth.

Then it was calm.

The book dimmed, the candles simultaneously blew out, and the wind blew away the sketch in the dirt. Your picture was entirely singed, along with the ingredients. The rocks had sunk into the ground at some point during the ritual. The only thing that was left was burnt ashes. More importantly, your skin hadn't dissolved away. You stand and dust yourself off. You glance around, expecting to see someone standing around, watching you with curiosity.

You contemplated leaving, going and finding a place where you could have a couple of drinks... Or maybe a nest full of vamps you could stake.

Anything to get your mind off of this.

You pluck up the book and your bag. Everything felt different, but not in ways that you could name. It was such a slight shift in the atmosphere it was almost unnoticeable. For a fleeting moment, you worried if you had pronounced something wrong and unleashed something terrible out into the world.

You waited.

Unlike the person you were summoning, you were not immortal. You couldn't sit here and stare blankly at the sky until he showed up. At this rate, you were going to die before he arrived.

You persisted anyway.

You were determined to fix Namjoon's mess, even though he was the one to dig his own grave. You stood there like the ugly girl at prom, waiting for the guy who promised to be her date to show up.

"Sorry, I was running late. It's not often someone calls me directly from my throne."

You twirl around, nearly tripping over your own feet as you try and turn. Features scrunching up in confusion, you examine the man head to toe. How the fuck had you managed to summon an angel? The dark, doe eyes twinkle in amusement, and he grins.

"What? Were you expecting my horns to be larger? I didn't want to frighten you, delicate mortal."

You froze, and your heart lurched. It was finally settling in. You had just summoned the fucking King of Hell. His tall, lean figure didn't intimidate you. Not in the slightest. If it wasn't for the horns and the occasional shifting of his eye color, he could pass as someone your age. In no way, shape, or form did he appear to even be an ancient demon. The power, raw and unadulterated, radiating off of him was the off-putting part. The demon glanced towards the ashes, eyeing them carefully. He reaches towards the ashes and pinches a bit of the ash between his fingers.

He blows the dust from his fingers and raises his eyebrows. "A deal?" he asks. He eyes you suspiciously and wipes away the smear of ash off. "You waited specifically until Hallows' Eve to do this. Didn't you?"

As if you were a video, someone had taken the remote and stopped you from moving or speaking. You were on pause. You didn't know how to answer, should you lie? Should you tell the truth? The demon takes a step towards you, coming closer than you were comfortable with. You catch a glimpse of red in his eyes, and then it's gone.

He smirks, "I see. You purposely waited, just to summon little old me. This must not be a regular deal then. Oh. Don't bother trying to lie to me, because it obviously won't work."

You mentally give yourself a good shake and try to focus on your objective. You could probably knife this bastard just as easily as any other demon.

He rolls his eyes, "Mortals, all of you are so feeble-minded. Tell me, what is it you want? True love? Fortune? An extra cup size? Go ahead, sweetheart. This is always the busiest night in Hell."

"I want you to stop whichever one of your little minions it is from wearing my best friend. I only want him sane, completely alive, and back where he belongs," you hiss.

The worst thing is having someone incredibly powerful laughing directly in your face.

Which is exactly what he did. The King cackles until he doubles over, appearing to be in pain from laughing so hard. You internally cringe, and the repulsive feeling returns to your gut. He really found you.. amusing. You were concerned about the well being of your friend. Yet, this asshole was laughing.

You have to really resist the urge to whip your knife from your side and gank him right then and there.

"Not a problem, sweetheart," he raises his head, the grin still on his lips. He circles around you like a vulture, inspecting every inch of you. "Before we talk payment... Tell me, how did he end up as a vessel for a demon of mine?"

Truth be told, you weren't entirely sure. Namjoon wouldn't let some demon merely hop in his body and take it for a ride. Also, he hated messing with demons in the first place. You had kind of came to the conclusion that he had somehow been tricked, or forced. The last time you barged into his house, he had black eyes and threw you against a wall with simply a wave of his hand. He didn't answer a single question and only rummaged through his files. Maybe the demons wanted information? There was no way for you to be entirely sure.

He hums almost inaudibly, seemingly thinking. He had read your thoughts again.

"Have you considered the idea that maybe your friend wanted to be a vessel?"

Before he even finished the sentence, you were already shaking your head. "Why? Why would he want to ride backseat while someone else controls his body? That doesn't make sense."

He crosses his arms and shrugs. "How will you pay me?" his tone lowers, and he stops in front of you once more. You hold your breath as he nears you again. From this angle, you can see that innocent glimmer even better.

You frown, "Well, my soul. That's usually the price, correct?"

"Indeed," he hums. "But you can't sell me your soul when you don't have one, to begin with."

The metal jewelry glinted just enough to catch your attention. You focus your attention on the silver adorning his wrist, mulling over his words. You never played around with this kind of thing. Unless someone appeared in the middle of the night and siphoned it from you, he was lying. It wouldn't surprise you in the slightest if he really was lying. He was the King of Hell, and lying was what he did best. He tilts his head to the side, pouting.

"You don't believe me?" He asks.

He sighs and then the pout drops from his features. "The names Jungkook, by the way. Constantly referring to me as the King gets annoying after a while," he snorts.

You go silent, unsure of what to do, or what to believe. You were already low on cash, so you definitely weren't going to be able to give him a regular payment. Besides, a part in the back of your mind knew he wouldn't want it anyway. "How am I alive if I don't have a soul? How did I lose my soul?" you demand. Surprise flashes across his features, and it vanishes as quickly as it arrived.

"You think it's a big contract, just like every other mortal on Earth, don't you?" He asks in a mocking manner. "Technically, yes. You can lose your soul due to a big contract, similar to a contract that would be made here."

He pauses and steps away. He places his hand underneath his chin, trying to formulate a better way to explain his thoughts.

"It's a series of little agreements and every little fuck up counts. As for the how you're alive part, you can live a perfectly normal life even if your soul is gone. You're not unique, you're just the same as any other regular mortal. Until you die, that is. Then you're destined to fall straight into the pit."

You reflect on the haunting words, trying to think of every single thing you had done wrong. The list was honestly quite long at this point. You had done several horrible things in the past, trying to save your own ass from the fire. Only to learn that you were destined to fall right into it anyway. You never harmed animals, you never hurt anyone that didn't deserve to be hurt. You thought you were doing the moral thing.

"The devil has a thousand faces, sweetheart. Sorry to break the news this way," he mutters, not looking sorry in the slightest.

"If that's the case, then how do any souls get sold at all?"

The corner of his mouth twists in irritation. He clearly didn't appreciate the number of questions you had for him.

"Not everyone fucks up as easily as you have. Some souls simply are worth more than others, but most others just make fewer mistakes. Even if their essence is close to being fully corrupted, we usually will accept it. That is... if the deal is over something minor. You though, you're asking me to bother one of my own, and there's pretty much nothing to gain from you. No profit."

"Pathetic," he sneers condescendingly. "It's been years since I've seen a mortal completely corrupt themselves all on their own. You're lucky, though. I'm willing to fetch your little friend if you're willing to pay a different price."

Jungkook takes a confident stride towards you. You fought the urge to take a step back and start sprinting in the other direction. Jungkook cupped your face, gently brushing his thumbs against your cheekbones. Your cheeks scorched with embarrassment. Your mind clouded, and it became hard to think with him so near. Your face feels frozen, but burns where he caresses you gently. It took a moment before you could form a coherent thought.

"What's the price?" you ask, your stomach in knots.

He grins, "I get to fuck you. Since I've laid eyes on you, I've had an overwhelming desire to pin you down and whisper the filthiest things into your ear. I want to hear you whine and whimper until the pleasure becomes too much for you to handle. I think that's a fair deal, don't you?"

You felt lightheaded. The slightest breeze could come along and tip you over with ease. "Right now?" you murmur,  voice failing you. You blinked rapidly, trying to clear the fog surrounding your mind and vision.

"No, Y/N. I will come to collect my payment soon."

You want to ask how he knows your name, but you figure it's a demon thing. Besides, you probably couldn't force the words out of your mouth at the moment anyway. His fingers remain on your face, and he didn't break eye contact. He was probably doing this on purpose, trying to lure you into a contract. Too bad for him, he was only wasting his energy. You were going to say yes either way. It was the eye contact, or scent, or.. something! It was him, he was the culprit making you feel this way.

"Yes," you spit out, finding it to be a struggle to make your voice go louder than a whisper.

The urge to throw yourself in his arms and let him care for you for the rest of eternity burns strongly inside of you, but you suppress it. It was his energy, you didn't even know him or anything about him. He presses his body into you eagerly, lips closing in on yours. His figure was so much warmer, compared to your mortal frame. It was thrilling, but terrifying considering you were so close to something that could easily snap you in two. Warmth spreads from the tips of your toes to the top of your head.

There was a swirl of indescribable emotions in your chest when the two of you broke apart. The kiss didn't last near as long as you wished it had. He stepped away from you, and you knew the deal was sealed.

He turns on his heel and marches away. The fog dissipates, the more distance there is between the two of you. There's another strange warmth, and it's creeping it's way up your arm. You roll up your sleeve with slightly cloudy vision, searching for the cause of the feeling. Right below the bend of your elbow is a mark. It materializes into a branded mark, and the symbol is easily recognizable. It's the sigil you drew to summon him. He had stuck a claim on you.

Your head darts up when you hear a violent cough. On the ground, a few feet away from you, is Namjoon. The sigil etched into your skin and every thought of Jungkook disappeared from your mind.

It had been a week since that night, and Namjoon was still pissed. He wouldn't admit it, but his actions spoke volumes. There had been no sign of Jungkook, leaving you regularly on edge. The mark scorched into your skin was obnoxious. At night, you would wake up, convinced someone had put your arm in a boiling pot of water.

"What's next?" Namjoon asked, reaching for one of the flasks on the bottom shelf. He shifts the basket on his arm and starts to stroll along again. You followed behind Namjoon like a lost puppy. "Oil of Abramelin," you responded, eyeing the list carefully.

When Namjoon didn't acknowledge you, you tried to pry once more.

"You can get that here?"

Namjoon kept his back turned to you, but you knew he was rolling his eyes. The building was like a maze, and the fluorescent lights above probably gave away every skin imperfection you had. There was a moment of silence, and then Namjoon sighed. "Humans who want to meddle in the dark arts can't buy anything here."

You frowned, definitely still pissed. You bite your lip, wanting to make a snide remark back, but also not wanting to see a Namjoon meltdown in public. Everything in the store seemed antique. Each item seemed crammed onto the shelf rather than place artistically. The painted text on the aisle directory signs was peeling away.  

Only chunks of words were recognizable, but it didn't help in the slightest. All of the products appeared to be scattered throughout the store carelessly. So, the signs wouldn't have been much help regardless.

Namjoon led you further into the shop, and you could tell the rear of this place rarely was used. Dust had gathered on pretty much every surface available. Even the spiders had abandoned the back of the shop. Their silk webs were now another collector of dust and pollen. Namjoon ignored the cobwebs, plucking thing randomly off of the shelves as he passed them.

"Next?" Namjoon asked, stopping abruptly. You fling your arms out in front of you, trying to avoid crashing into him. You stabilize and fumble with the list.

"Fulgurite," you read, squinting at the word in confusion. "Whatever that is."

Before Namjoon could completely twist around again, you lightly hooked your fingers into the back of his shirt. He studied you with a puzzled expression, "What?"

Feeling awkward, you release his shirt and let your hand drop to your side. "How many times have I apologized already?"

The question comes off slightly harsh, although you don't intend for it to sound that way. You didn't care though, Namjoon would be way too willing to hold this grudge against you for as long as he could. Namjoon glanced around as if he was expecting to see other customers nearby. It's deserted except for the ancient cashier. She was most likely hard of hearing anyhow.

"We've already been through this," he retorted, dropping his voice low.

"Yeah, but-"

You swallowed, trying to force the words to come out of your throat. It became hard to make out the details of the room, and the features of Namjoon. A wave of heat coursed through your veins, starting with the mark. Your ears popped, and the deep voice calling your name went muffled. Through blurred vision, you could see Joon wave his hand in front of your face. Nothing you did stopped the warmth rising in your chest. You buckle over, and you feel cool hands grab you by your shoulders. Namjoon does his best to guide you to the floor as safely as possible.

Then Namjoon's soothing hands disappear. You're drifting. There's no floor underneath you, nothing you can grab onto, and the weight of your clothes is missing. The fear, the worry, it has departed too. You feel abnormally calm, despite what had just happened. You unclench your eyes, startled to see an unfamiliar sky above you. You raised yourself from the bed, breath hitching in your throat.

Jungkook sat, perched right beside you on the bed. His mouth erupts into a sinister grin, and he greets you. "Welcome to Hell."

You were in a room, not outside, you concluded. The ceiling above resembled a night sky. There was something about the way the lights twinkled that made you feel as if it wasn't real. After a few more moments of gazing at the faux sky, your eyes drifted to Jungkook. Jungkook, the reality you didn't want to face. "Hello," you murmur, almost inaudibly.

"You don't sound very happy to see me," he remarks.

Namjoon comes to mind, you envision him on his knees in the shop. He was probably baffled by how you managed to vanish right from his arms. You had absolutely no reason to be happy to see Jungkook. Jungkook shifting on the bed catches your attention. He smirks and crosses his arms, "Oh, I see. You're upset because I interrupted the fight between you and your little boy-toy."

You scoffed, "Namjoon's like a brother to me, it's not like that. Besides, he's obviously not interested, and neither am I."

"Oh, Y/N..." he trails off, shaking his head. At some point, Jungkook had moved closer to you. He snakes his fingers up your arm and to the bend of your elbow. Your heart skips a beat, and for a moment you can't breathe. Jungkook brushes his thumb over the mark, and you swear little sparks shoot up your arm. "How does Namjoon feel about you selling your body to me?"

You lower your eyes, and the deafening silence answers the question. Jungkook tilts your chin up, so you are no longer looking away from him. "You didn't tell him, did you?"

He already knew the answer, but he wanted you to confirm it. You hesitantly shook your head, "Not what I sold."

The arm he was tracing over the mark with slipped itself around your waist. The grip around your waist tightened, and you could feel Jungkook's energy shift. "Y/N, if you genuinely don't want to do this, I won't force you. Tell me now, though, and I'll leave you alone."

You disregarded the sound of your heart beating tensely, trying to think through this carefully. Jungkook called to you softly, "Y/N, I hope you realize I am a very selfish and greedy person. This can be a one-time thing, or we can do it often. Know that I have no plans to share you with someone else though."

This was your chance to say no. From past experiences, you knew you were prone to desiring a relationship, craving the romantic things. Casual sex in the past never really stayed that for you. He could never love you back if you were to fall for him. Yes, Jungkook had the decency to ask you if you wanted this or not. That didn't mean he knew how to love another.

The easy solution was just to say no. Why would you take that route though? You could decide later if you were going to take a gamble at doing this again... For now, you were not going to miss this opportunity. Overcome with desire, you breathe out a faint 'yes.'

Jungkook dipped his head down and kissed you deeply. Your eyes fell closed, and all you could feel was warmth. The warmth of his mouth on yours, the heat from the mark, and the warmth of just his very being. The intoxication that Jungkook had brought upon you last time returned. There wasn't a doubt about it, the King of Hell already had you wrapped around his finger.

You whimper when Jungkook pushes your lips apart with his tongue. He explored your mouth with the intent to claim. He was conveying his message from earlier to you again, he was not going to be willing to share your body with another. Every inch of you was now his.

He broke the kiss, allowing you to catch your breath. Jungkook went for your jaw, sloppily trailing kisses down to your neck. It took a few moments before you realized Jungkook was simultaneously pushing you down onto the bed while marking your neck. He removed himself from your neck with a frustrated growl. Jungkook raised his hand, and the tip of his finger began to glow. With a single touch to your shirt, the material crumbled and dissolved into thin air.

You gasped, shocked by the sudden actions. Jungkook didn't merely stop at your shirt. He proceeded until you were completely exposed and on display for him. His palm found your breast, his fingers massaging it in a way that had your core throbbing. The wet heat between your thighs was growing more and more with each action. He reached for your nipple, gently tugging and rubbing it between his fingertips. This provokes a whine out of you, and he hums contently. His concentration turned to the other breast, and he repeated the same steps.

"You're so fucking pretty," Jungkook uttered, nipping at your sensitive chest once more.  The kisses return, but this time, they're much more rushed. His attention trails lower, down past your ribs and all the way to your thighs. Jungkook parts your legs and moves between them. He resumes his path of kisses, now that your legs are parted.

Although you should expect it, you don't. A sharp moan rips itself from your throat when Jungkook finds your clit. He takes the tender nub into his mouth, flicking his tongue over it in different patterns. You withered underneath his touch, panting wildly. This feeling was so much different compared to your previous partner's attempts. Jungkook had a skilled, very well practiced tongue. He undoubtedly knew what he was doing. Jungkook brings his hands to your hips, striving to still your trembling form.

Jungkook licks a stripe up your slit, and you mindlessly let your hand drift to his hair. You wind your fingers into his hair, and the angle he looks up at you from exposes his glistening forehead. His furrowed eyebrows and the look of concentration on his face made you ecstatic. "Does this feel good, baby?"

"F-Fuck, yes," you whimpered. A squeak escaped you when Jungkook slipped a finger inside of you. He slowly starts to work you open. Your fingers tightened in Jungkook's hair, causing him to groan. He dipped another finger into your wet heat, producing a loud noise from you. You do your best to silence your cries, but with such a cloudy mind, it's a struggle.

Jungkook seems to sense that you're holding back, so he doubles his efforts. "Such a tight little slut, you're taking my fingers so well," he smirks, knowing damn well what his words do to you. He sinks his fingers in and out of you repeatedly, working them faster than before.  "...I can't wait to see how you take my cock."

Not being able to hold back any longer, you let your hips roll to meet the thrusts of his fingers. You were so slick and soaked, at this point there was no way the sheets weren't tainted. Jungkook went back to lapping at your clit, slamming his fingers in and curling them. Your back arched from the bed, sharp pleasure shooting up your spine. Jungkook had hit the sweet spot inside of you, but your brain was so muddled it took you a moment to figure out what he was doing.

His tongue circling and twirling around your sensitive clit grew faster. Jungkook added a third finger, making sure you were nice and fucked out for him. It was beginning to be too much, you didn't know how much longer you could last. You try to cry out Jungkook's name, try to warn him your about to tip over the edge, but you can't. It's too late. You clenched around his fingers, rolling your hips and wailing out his name.

He helps you ride out your orgasm, before drawing himself away from your soaked core. You expected the fogginess to lessen, instead of growing worse. You struggle, trying to scramble upwards. You're so, so tired, but you're dying to continue.

"What are you doing?" Jungkook queries, confusion written all over his features.

"Returning the favor-"

Jungkook puts a hand in front of you, motioning for you to slow down. He stands, letting his clothes disintegrate and disappear. He shakes his head, "You don't seem to understand who makes the decisions around here, but okay. You want me? You'll get me."

You peel yourself from the bed and drop to your knees obediently. Your face was perfectly level to Jungkook's long, throbbing cock. It was standing proudly, a thick vein wrapped from the top to the underside. The way Jungkook was glaring down at you had you feeling eager and more submissive than ever.  You scooted closer, opening your mouth for him. "Good girl," he hums.  

He slid himself over your lips a couple of times in a teasing manner. After a few moments, he finally pushes himself into your mouth. He moved slowly, not stopping until he hit the back of your throat.

You linked your hands behind your back, letting Jungkook have full control of the pace. His fingers met the back of your head, guiding you up and down his length.

"You little slut, you've had plenty of practice, hm? You're taking me pretty well," he grunted, drawing himself out of you until his head was back at your lips. You ignored the ache in your knees, knowing damn well you were going to have a horrible carpet burn later.  Jungkook hisses in pleasure, "Is this how you tainted your soul? By sucking as many dicks as you could so you could become a pro?"

The words made your insides burn once more, just when you thought you were sated.

You were anxious to please, so you hollowed your cheeks against him. You went to bob your head, but Jungkook held you still. You gazed up and met his eyes, causing him to groan. A thick band of sweat was developing on his forehead. His hair was beginning to stick to his forehead. You closed your eyes, trying to focus on breathing. You hear him murmur something along the lines of, 'fucking gorgeous.' You can't make out the rest of the sentence, too concentrated on controlling your breath.

Your throat tightened around him, and for the first time in the session, you gagged. Jungkook yanked you off of him, and you gasped for air. You opened your mouth again, despite your aching jaw. He slid into your mouth with ease, meeting the back of your throat again. This time he was rougher, thrusting quicker and quicker. You knew he was getting close, and he did too. He gave a few more thrusts and then slipped out from between your lips.

You craved Jungkook more than ever now. Lust surged in you, loins stirring. His tone and his harsh words triggered something inside of you that you didn't really understand.  Without speaking, you knew what Jungkook craved from you. You rose and crawled onto the bed. You were correct, your knees were fucked. You didn't pay any more attention to it, needing all of your focus to go to Jungkook.

Jungkook chuckled darkly, a knowing look in his eyes. His voice grows closer and soon enough, he's right behind you. "You're this excited to be fucked by a demon, I can't believe it. I'm a monster. I'm the fucking King of Hell, and yet here you are. You're presenting yourself to me, practically begging for it."

He planted a gentle kiss on your shoulder before rearing his hand back and slapping your ass. You glanced back in shock. One of his hands were busy, pumping up and down his cock. The other hand cracked against your skin, extracting a yelp from you. Jungkook positioned himself over you, and you arched your back into him.

"Please," you whine quietly. Your voice was unsteady, and there was nothing you could do to control it. Jungkook doesn't reply at first, deliberating on his next move. "Are you this eager for all cock, or am I just special?" he growls, delivering another smack to your ass.

"Yours! Only your cock!" you cry out, feeling tears begin to build up. His free hand roamed from your ass to your flooded heat. He cupped your core gently, and you jerked lightly. You were still a bit sensitive from the earlier orgasm. His fingers find your clit, and he flicks his wrists in a circular motion a few times. Just as quickly as the touches came, they disappeared. Your walls uncontrollably grasped and tensed around nothing.

You need him to fill you to the brim already. You needed him to fuck you until you couldn't walk or see straight. Right when your patience started running out, he puts his cock to your entrance. "I'm going to fuck you so hard, you won't be able to think of any other dick than mine. Your poor little boyfriend will never be able to make you feel this way."

You were so worked up, at this point you didn't bother to argue that Namjoon wasn't your boyfriend. He moved his cock up your slit, brushing against your clit. You wiggled excitedly, stomach in knots. The head of his cock found your entrance again. He leans his weight onto you and enters you.

"I'm going to ruin you," he barks, bringing his hand down on your backside. The initial thrusts are slow like he's testing how far your depths go. He was also most likely giving your walls time to adjust to his size. You don't hold back your noises now, letting them spring wildly from your lips. You're glad you had already orgasmed once, so you were slick. This made the glide and stretch so much better.

Then, Jungkook yanks himself from you almost entirely. When he thrusts back in,  it's with nearly enough strength to knock you into the headboard. Your arms trembled, trying to hold yourself up. Jungkook slams into you again, and for a split second, you think you're going to fall face first into the silk sheets. Jungkook's hand travels up to your shoulder, and he helps hold you steady.

"Fuck," you spit out, heavily heaving. Jungkook keeps his promise, each thrust was going to ruin you. He snaps his hips up into you at a ruthless speed. Eventually, your arms do fail on you. Your face was buried into the sheets, along with your fingers twisted into them. "I don't think I've ever felt a pussy as tight as yours, fuck," he rumbles.

Jungkook places his other hand on your shoulder. He uses both arms to yank you up, and to his chest. You're lifted off the bed now, and your legs are thrown over Jungkook's thick thighs. Jungkook never stops pounding into you, although you're pretty much sitting in his lap. His hand travels from his shoulder, past your collarbones, and to your throat.

He wraps his hand gently around it, ever so slightly constricting your breathing. You snap your hips down onto him the best you can. Your tits bounce lewdly, and you can do nothing but helplessly moan. Jungkook seemed to like this angle, not wanting to release you or your throat. You rotated your hips and did your best to grind down onto him with equal passion. He releases your throat but decides to hook his arms under your own. He lets you lean forwards slightly, so the only thing keeping you from smacking your face onto the bed is his arms hooked around your shoulders.

The coil in your tummy was threatening to snap, but you urged it away. There was a tiny sense of control you had before, but now there was none. Jungkook had inhuman strength and could toss you around as he pleased. Jungkook is close to your ear, panting heavily. Somehow, he knows. "That's right, baby. You don't come until I tell you that you can. You're fucking mine."

Jungkook knew your body so well. He knew how to press your buttons and how to play with you flawlessly. He found the spot inside of you that he had previously discovered with his fingers. He angled his body so he could repeatedly jab his cock into that place. A scream erupts from your sore throat, and you try to find something to grasp onto.

You find nothing, though, and let your hands fall limply to your sides. Your limbs came back to life though when the pads of Jungkook's fingers find your clit. You nearly come on the spot but manage to choke it back. Your hands clamped around his wrist, trying to make him stop circling your sensitive nub. There was no way, you weren't going to last. There wasn't a single sign he was planning to slow down, either.

"I'm close, baby. Don't worry," Jungkook snarls. His words come off as harsh, but also endearing. His thrusts turned sloppy, and you knew he was telling the truth. No matter how messy, he was still more skilled than any other man you had ever been with.

"Come, come for me like the good girl you are," he orders, hips giving their final few jerks. You couldn't deny him even if you wanted to. The blistering, white-hot heat courses through you. He fills you immediately, and you were slightly surprised by the unfamiliar feeling. Never had someone stuffed you so full. Or filled you at all. Jungkook goes to pull out, and most of the liquid flows out from your walls.

He positions you carefully on the bed. You blink slowly, entirely spent. "You did so well for me, Y/N. Thank you," Jungkook coos. You can't see his facial expression, because you're too tired to open your eyes. Jungkook cleaned you up the best he could, and soon enough you passed out with him realizing it.

You crack your eyes open, yawning contently. There was no alarm obnoxiously beeping, forcing you to wake up. It was merely sunlight seeping through your curtains and the sound of the birds outside chirping. Jungkook must have brought you home while you were resting. Jungkook, wait? What?

Memories of last night flood you, and you raise straight up. The memories were slightly blurry, almost like you had been drunk. You frown, and after a minute or so, it becomes clear. You had held up your end of the deal.

Something still seems wrong though. You drag yourself from your bed and glance in the mirror. There are no visible bruises on you or your neck. You notice you're wearing the exact same clothes you were before Jungkook had destroyed them. After a minute or two of staring at yourself, you think you know what's wrong.

You roll up your sleeve, the mark was still there.

Jungkook had forgotten to remove it. Fuck.

[feral--bog--witch]

Alright, Ive got some time between editing and chores where I can sit down and actually explain some discourse I was in a bit ago with a vegan radfem. I stated that animals dont have human emotions and that I lived on a farm and they stated I was not an animal lover if I owned a farm and that yes animals do have human emotions. I wanted to clarify my position.

I am not vegan or vegetarian, first thing out of the gate. I eat meat, eggs, honey, and drink milk. Do I have issues with the over production and handling of major agriculture and livestock centers? Abso-fucking-lutely. Over consumption has created an unsustainable and brutal system that needs to be fixed. I agree with this. However the use of animal products is something I will always disagree with. Specifically because of how I view life and death.

My view of life is that no matter where you go or who or what you are, you require death to sustain you. From the plants that grow to the tigers in the jungle, something must die or decay to feed life. It's a natural and inescapable circle. Fungus and bacteria feed of of decaying bodies, breaking them down to the barest forms. Plants grow while feeding off of those decayed remains, growing off of the nutrients left. Herbivores and omnivores eat the plants to sustain themselves, taking in that life to grow and flourish. Carnivores and omnivores eat the herbivores to sustain themselves, to grow strong and old. Eventually they all die, once again bringing us to the beginning of that cycle. There is no place on this earth where you can live without death. Every living being on this planet is alive because of death because death sustains us.

In a cosmic or spiritual sense I do not hold one living being as superior to another. To me I feel the same reverence towards the plants that I eat as I do to the chickens that lay the eggs I eat as I do to the steer whose flesh I consume. Each one of those creatures is revered to me, their death or work brings me life, sustains me, and each of them is important and none are more important than the other. They do not hold more or less value to me based on who they are. The garden I plant get the same love and affection as the animals I raise. Why should I love and revere one and not the other when both will end up giving their lives for the cycle we live in? I know I will one day die and my body will return to the earth and the cycle will begin again with me being consumed by the very things that I had consumed in life.

We all sustain ourselves on death, the death of a plant or an animal does not matter, it is still death. And each of those deaths has meaning and matters as each of those lives had meaning and mattered.

So now that I've explained that so you have a better understanding of how I view the world, let's discuss animals and emotions. Animals and plants do not have human emotion. They don't and no one can convince me otherwise. Why? Because a dog has dog emotions, a cow has cow emotions, a tree has tree emotions. They each have their own way of perceiving the world and we shouldn't forget that. When we get so intent on seeing ourselves in animals we forget to see them. We look for only ourselves and become blinded to just how special their perception of the world is. I don't want to know which dog emotion mimics human emotion. I want to know exactly how a dog perceives its world and processes it. I don't want to see me in a dog I want to see that dog as a dog, as a life perceiving its world around it in its own unique way. I want to connect with it not because I see humanity but because our perceptions overlap and I can see the world through its eyes, not my own.

I feel the same way about plants. They all perceive the world in unique and vastly different ways and when you look at the world and try to see humanity in it, you ignore and are blinded to the things that are removed from that narrow scope. Plants do have feelings and perceive the world but it's so vastly different from ours we say they have none. But if they did not then the rose would never have grown thorns, the tree would never scar, the grass would never release hormones to warn others when it is cut, the dandelions would not tell others to duck when they are cut either.

Plants have a vast world of communication and feeling that we do not see because we are so blinded by looking for ourselves in nature we refuse to see the perceptions of the things that are just too different to comprehend.

So no. Animals do not have human emotions. Animals have animal emotions, plants have plant emotions,and that's great and wonderful. Each of those perceptions of the world are so important in understanding life and each other. To think otherwise shows the human superiority complex we have. We believe we are the mould in which intelligent life itself is cast from, if it is not like us, if we cannot see ourselves within it, it is not truly living or feeling. It's useless and stupid and is not worth the time to understand because there is nothing there to understand. All because we tried to look for ourselves rather than simply see what each living thing perceives of the world.

Onto my farm and the accusation that if I own a farm I cannot love animals. Im not going to give away too many irl details but we inherited the farm back in 2000 when family died. We moved out here and have been here ever since. I spoke of generations of animals and I was telling the truth. A majority of the animals on our farm can be traced back to rescued animals. We have a great love of finding the poorest, most neglected little beasties and rescuing them and bringing them home. We took care of them, loved them, and let them flourish. Cull sheep, orphaned calves, cage hens, abused cats, neglected goats, meat horses, you name it, we probably rescued it at one point. We even had a few years where we would buy barn pigeons stuffed into tiny boxes simply to let them fly free.

Those first animals became our bedrock and we grew on them. They had babies and their babies had babies and they grew old and they died and their family line lives on. A vast majority of the animals on our farm can be traced back to a rescue we did. We let the animals be animals and that included having babies. Yes we will sell some and you could twist it and say we participate in the corporate industrial meat industry but not really.

We never sell to feedlots or through massive operations. It's farm to freezer. We sell directly to consumers or people who have consumers to sell to (some of our buyers have people who live provinces over so they facilitate the deals we couldn't under normal circumstances). These animals are well loved and taken care of to the moment they are sold and butchered. We dont run 600 head or 1000 head. We run less than 100 and some people prefer it to buying stock from a store. At least with us they have the opportunity to come and see where their meat is from and see how they are treated. (Let me tell you people get really excited when they see you can go through a sheep or goat herd with the animals trying to love on you for scratches because you hand raised most of them and know you always scratch the best.)

A vast majority of our butchering is done locally as well. The one shop we mainly use does on the farm slaughtering meaning you don't stress the animal out by shipping it to a huge plant where it is noisy and quite frankly terrifying or even shipping them all over to a new enviroment. They stay at home and they die at home as painlessly as possible. They arent stressed and they never have to leave the place they were born. I prefer it that way. I don't like my animals to get stressed or scared. Neither do the rest of us here.

Im an animal lover 100%. If owning a farm negates that in some people's eyes I have to ask why? Is it because cows aren't cute enough to love or own? Is it because sheep aren't good enough to be on posters? Is it because I choose to extend my love to the unconventional animals? The non-cuddly ones? Why does living on a farm negate my love of other beings? Should we have left their ancestors to be abused and neglected? Should we have sold off the native prairie pastures we have to be torn up into single crop farms rather than allow our animals to roam free? Should we have left the cage hens in their cages rather than let them have free range on the farm to do as they wish (seriously though. Our ladies eat all the bugs. I haven't had a tick in years. They eat them all)?

Yes we have to sell some for meat but that is how we sustain ourselves so we can continue to survive and buy feed for all those that are left. I dont care what people think about our farm or our animals because nothing will change the fact that we have goats that give you hugs, chickens that treat you like one of the girls and try to feed you, to cows that want to bounce and play with you, horses that think teasing you is the greatest fun in the world, and sheep that will bowl you over trying to get attention and love.

Our animals are happy, healthy, and well loved. And in this world, that's the best thing for them.

[crybabiegeeks]

Just got sent one of those questionnaires that are just an excuse to talk about yourself but fuck it.

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?

The first one that I can remember would be a guy called Liam in year three but I’m sure there were people before that. I’m pretty sure it was because of some silly shit like he was sporty and played soccer hahaha

2. What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life?

Every time I think of my number one regret there’s one memory that comes to mind. I’m going to hide some details because it’s too embarrassing to tell truthfully on here. When I was fifteen I was drinking in a park with friends and then did mdma. I ended up hooking up with a really SHIT guy, like honestly one of the worst people I will ever meet. It went further than that and the whole night was a complete mess I’ve never experienced again the feelings I had on that night I think its the most unsafe and anxious I’ve ever felt, being alone and drugged up with this psychotic douche bag in a park at three AM. I later found out while coming down that the dickhead had a girlfriend, not only that but his bestfriend was in love with me which caused me and him to lose our friendship. I didnt know at the time that the friend’s feelings for me were so strong and what I did really hurt him.

3. Which parent do you identify with the most?

Definitely my mum. The similarities I see between me and my dad scare me.

4. What do you think you cook or bake the best?

My pasta bake changes lives

5. If you could change your first name what would it be?

When I was a kid i always wanted to be called Lilly, I couldn’t decide now though.

6. Can you hula hoop?

Only on my arm

7. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people?

When I get loud and obnoxious without realising it

8. Have you considered running for president?

God no im a mess

9. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why?

I hate being asked what my passions are. I feel like if you dont play a music or a sport then youre just basic. I dont read heaps or get into politics or anything like that. I guess it’d be music and films but isn’t that everyone?

10. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why?

I’ve never thought about this before, I dont know how Im meant to pick one person because im pretty much jealous of everyone

11. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why?

This isnt the most beautiful place on earth because I have no way of knowing where that is, but my favourite spot in the world is on this rock me and my sister discovered as kids. Its near my house down on the water. Sitting there at sunset is so incredibly beautiful.

12. Are ghosts real?

Hope not

13. Are aliens real?

Hope so

14. How old is the most expired item in your fridge?

Dont think anything in there would be

15. What are your favorite style of underwear?

Lace cheeky ones

16. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard?

Off the top of my head Id say let down by radiohead

17. How about the sweetest song?

Falling slowly from the Once soundtrack

18. Do you know how to play dominoes?

Yep

19. What’s under your bed?

My box of memories from highschool

20. Have you ever prank called someone?

Yess

21. 100 kittens or 3 baby sloths?

SLOTHS what kind of question is this

22. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now?

I think relatively, i finally feel like im on track with what i want to do with my life. I wish that i had a connection with someone at the moment but theres not much you can do about that hey

23. Why or why not?

I explained already

24. How many bones have you broken?

surprisingly none, torn my acl and meniscus twice however

25. Have you ever won anything? Big or small?

nothing more than concert tickets

26. If you could buy one material thing, and money was not an issue, what would it be?

first thing that came to mind was air pods

27. What’s your favorite movie from your childhood?

twilight, i dont know why but i can watch it over and over again

28. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat?

vegemite

29. What’s the best way to comfort you when you’re having a really terrible day?

Cigarette, cuddles, and a movie in bed

30. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before?

Not that I can think of

31. Would you ever adopt a child?

Definitely

32. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try

Skateboarding haha im so uncoordinated though and itd be extremely embarassing if i just started

33. If you were a cake which cake would you be?

id like to think a red velvet cupcake

34. What is the most important material possession you have and why?

My box of memories think the reason is a given

35. What is the most important memory you have and why?

I cant think of any big good memories that have had huge impacts on my life its mostly the bad ones that have. But thinking about it now, Im doing what i want to be doing and im relatively happy so they cant have been to bad hey

36. When was the last time you cried?

On saturday night, I was talking to my bestfriend about his mum who recently passed away.

37. How old was your mother when she had you?

thirty

38. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with?

tom holland

39. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did?

to my step sister for not trusting her, i still dont know what really happened but i wish i stuck by her i couldve made a difference in her life.

[divorcedfiddleford]

ok so basically im

gonna talk all about my favorite parts of this episode, particularly visual symbolism. but dont get me wrong im gonna gush

to start, i’d like to talk about the symbolism of moths.

bones has been pushing this imagery since the mogami arc (which, sorry, but the reigen arc blew it out of the water. read the manga). moths show up in times of internal crisis and despair.

mogami manifests himself in this world as different animals, usually bugs. we start off the whole episode with this shot of a moth. the entirety of mogamiland is shigeo’s identity being twisted and changed. i don’t think i need to explain the despair shigeo feels in this episode. dimple spells it out himself.

mogami also tells shigeo to go against everything he’s learned about his powers (from hurting people and ritsu, and what reigen has told him for the past three years), another inverse of his identity.

moving on to reigen.

in this scene, we see reigen under a streetlamp attracting moths. we learn that there was no alcohol in the drink, meaning he’s vomiting because he’s having a panic attack. he’s floundering and questions what he is.

the moth falls, as he decides to “become somebody”, meaning he’s decided to resolve his crisis. but the moth is still there, because he hasn’t resolved it at all.

^right when the reporter says “i want to be somebody”. is being infamous being somebody? is putting up an charade and letting it become your entire life being somebody? is becoming a celebrity being somebody? or is “somebody” different from being yourself? once again, reigen is brought back to the alleyway, he has no idea who he really is anymore, because he has to face who he was in the past.

EDIT: i forgot to add in this bit:

in this time, the biggest part of reigen is the words people are saying about him. that is what is constructing his identity

OKAY enough about moths. let’s keep going. to water!

obviously we know now that reigen used to work at a place which sold water dispensers. (by the way, his backstory wasn’t in the manga, but i think it’s a great addition.) he says that he quit because he “had ambition”, but we see that he still retains what he learned in that job.

(^he tells this to shigeo)

and more telling is the fact that, after four years, he still has a water dispenser in his apartment.

because despite his ambition, he’s still a salesperson at heart. 

EDIT: this was foreshadowed in the season one theme song, with the glass of water being next to him in his introduction, implying that it’s his defining characteristic (thanks anon for reminding me!)

this shot had me reeling. he’s still trapped inside that mindset. he’s worried he’s never going to change and is terrified of having to go back to a boring company job (as seen when his hand shakes over his mother’s job opportunity pdf). but even though he left the job, his brain never really moved on. he even says out loud that he never changed. he quit his first job on a whim and was about to quit his psychic business. he was a quitter and was absolutely torn up inside about it

he told shigeo that he should just focus on becoming a good person, but he told himself that he wanted to become someone special. he was being hypocritical. and it’s only now that it’s all catching up with him in his mind. he gave all of his customers satisfaction, but often at shigeo’s inconvenience, and then telling shigeo he was basically a loser sealed the deal. shigeo was the only one he really hurt, so in that moment, he decides to set things right.

this shot also fucked me up. that massive scar on his back from the scene at the end of season 1 when he told everyone to grow up.

he realizes he told shigeo some really mean stuff, especially to grow up. but he didn’t realize that he was not only tearing shigeo from his childhood, but then also keeping him from moving on. so then he says those fuackign wghndfbmsg

(his smile was bigger in the manga.) hes so proud of shigeo for being better than he ever was and for working so hard to become better.

everyone already knows about the paint on glass of shigeo bringing color into reigen’s life (from the season one ED and from this episode with shigeo staring at him with absolute glee. that had me screaming. he is so fuckign gjkfsdbnmdshg)

EDIT: someone (i forget who SORRY) pointed out the shadows cast in this frame; reigen is a light to shigeo and vice versa :’)

and once again, shigeo comes in to save reigen and gets him out of that press conference. i love it so goddamn much

THE END CREDITS ARE BEAUTIFUL. reigen’s voice actor (i dont know his name and i am embarrassed about it) did a wonderful job and in this line got a little choked up. im fucking G

in the manga, the line here is “a good person”, which is more of a direct callback, but it got the point across.

EDIT: the sub isn’t 100% accurate. in the flashback, reigen uses the term “yatsu” which doesnt exactly mean person but is kind of like that. and in the above scene, shigeo also uses that word. so it is a direct callback (x)

and then reigen has to keep himself from crying and ghsbdfjmnanbmsfd FEBRUARY 18TH 2019 I AM OVERCOME WITH EMOTION THE SIGHT OF M

and it flashes back to the alleyway, and the sign he hid behind, showing that he isnt alone EDIT: actually it’s the alley where mob “dumped” him, so the importance of these sites being shown is to highlight the tension between them being emptied

and shigeo wishes him a happy birthday.

this was my favorite arc from the manga and bones captured it perfectly. i can’t believe it. im so fucking happy

(also reigen running for like 2 seconds and then running out of breath is so fucking funny) (also hes trans but im not so i’ll let other people talk about that)